Uprising
by Metallic Shadows
Summary: Destiel High School AU - RP with the lovely destiella. Dean is dared to ask Castiel to the prom. He tries to seduce him but ends up getting more than he bargained for when their worlds come tumbling down and have only each other for support. Comments are appreciated. I hope you enjoy :)
1. Chapter 1

"Hey, Cas," Dean said, grinning flirtatiously at the other boy. Dean knew he was attractive; any girl in the school, and probably even a few guys, would agree, so he was using that to his advantage. Right now, he was leaning casually against the lockers facing Cas. It was the first day of the dare, and Dean was determined to make this work. He didn't think it'd be that hard. Everyone picked on Cas and he was a bit of a loner, so the attention would undoubtably be really flattering to Cas. Dean glanced to the side and winked subtly at his friends, who were watching the scene from down the hall.

Castiel almost jumped out of his skin when Dean spoke to him. No one spoke to him, if they did they were asking for his lunch money. He turned around to see who Dean was talking to but he genuinely seemed to be talking to him. This caused him to frown slightly, he must have wanted something. Alternative motives and such. "Sorry, I don't have time to do your homework." he said, pulling the books from his locker.

Dean tried not to roll his eyes; of course that's what Cas would think. Instead, he laughed and shook his head. "I don't want you to do my homework, Cas! Do you really think I would do that?"

"Yes." he said immediately, looking over at Dean with a look that said 'I'm not an idiot'. He closed his locker and juggled his books until he could hold them all comfortably. "What do you want then?" he asked curiously.

Dean was feeling a little lost; apparently his physical charm wasn't working as well as he'd hoped it would. He had to try another tactic. Softening his tone, he said, "I saw what those guys did to you yesterday, and I felt bad about it. I wanted to make it up to you," Yesterday, he'd watched a group of guys, some of them were his friends, actually, knocking Cas down, causing his books and everything to go flying everywhere, where they were quickly trampled. Yesterday, Dean wouldn't have cared, in fact he may have even participated, but he was a distance away talking to some girls when it happened.

Castiel's face dropped slightly, letting his defences ease a little. "Why?" he asked curiously. Why would he want to make it up to him? He hadn't been the one jumping on his books. He was too busy chatting up the most popular girls in school to care. Castiel wished he could talk to people that easily. Though he doubted anyone at this school were nice enough to let him try.

Dean shrugged and looked down, trying to appear sensitive and emotional. "I dunno. I just… it wasn't fair. There were 3 of them and only 1 of you…. I actually saw it happen," he admitted, "I should've done something, but I didn't. Let me make it up to you." He looked back up to Cas' eyes earnestly.

"I wouldn't worry about it. Those girls seemed to need more attention." he remarked. He looked at Dean staring back at him. He swallowed hard, he had amazing eyes. Even if he was a first class dick. "I have to go." he excused himself and began walking down the corridor.

Oh, hell no. Dean was not going to let him walk away now. He'd barely even started. Dean stepped after him quickly and caught his arm, "Wait, you have chemistry next, right?" He asked,

Castiel almost dropped his books when Dean took his arm. He was ready to pull into the defensive position, just like every other day but stopped himself when Dean spoke. "I..yeah. So?" he asked defensively.

"Can I walk with you? I'm actually heading in that direction, too." He said openly, looking at Cas. He was still lightly touching Cas' arm, and hoped it was having the effect of gaining Cas' trust like he wanted it to.

"I guess." he shrugged, still not quite sure why Dean was being so nice. He'd never talked to him before. Why the change?

"Thanks," Dean said with a smile, before falling into step with the other boy as they made their way to the science rooms. He looked over his shoulder at his friends who were still watching, and gave them a sly thumbs up and wiggled his eyebrows a few times.

Castiel clutched at his books and walked into the science room, sitting at the back in the corner and placing his stuff down. He tried to ignore Dean, thinking he'd pretend not to know him once they'd entered the classroom.

Dean stood in the doorway of the classroom for a moment, debating his options. He didn't want to freak Cas out too much, since his friendliness was clearly unexpected and possibly even unwelcome. He could sit where he usually did, in the opposite back corner as Cas, he could sit right next to him, but that would be weird, so instead, he waited until a few more desks filled in and then he casually walked over to the desk right in front of Cas, which was still empty by the time more people had entered the room.

Castiel groaned and thumped his head on the desk, crossing his arms around his head to cover his face. Why? Had he done something wrong? Why was he being tormented like this? No he had to look at that gorgeous dick for the rest of the class. This wasn't happening he told himself. Instead he busied himself with his books and concentrating on today's experiment.

"Okay, class, today we are going to be doing something very dangerous, so pay attention." The teacher, Mr. Singer, announced. "I know some of you idjits are gonna screw this up, so I'm going to explain the directions very clearly. But first, I need everyone to find a partner." Dean internally celebrated. This was his chance. He didn't have any friends in this class anyway, but he usually just partnered up with whatever hot girl was most convenient, or when his grade was failing he claimed a nerd to be his partner. Nobody ever denied him. Today was different, however. He looked around the room as if weighing up his options, and then looked hopefully at Cas. "Uh, you have a partner?" He asked awkwardly. He should get an award for his acting skills.

Castiel always worked alone, he was clever and got the work done so Mr Singer never made it an issue. If anything he pitied the kid so let him just get on with it. Castiel bit his lip, he could deny Dean but then again he might have a chance to actually teach Dean something and look at those stunning green ey- STOP IT. Castiel shook his head. This was insane. "I think I'll be okay, thanks. You're needed elsewhere." he nodded over to one of the popular girls without a partner who was looking in Dean's direction with a grin and twirl of her hair.

Dean stared at Cas in confusion before looking to where he was pointing, and seeing Jo Harvelle, the hottest girl in school, looking at him expectantly. It was tempting, definitely, but Dean was on a mission. He forced himself to shake his head at her with an apologetic smile, before quickly turning back to Cas. "To be honest, I really don't trust myself with chemicals and I need some… guidance." He said, smiling at Cas shyly.

Damn that infernal smile of his. Castiel sighed defeatedly, "I suppose for that reason it would be acceptable" he muttered, his voice disinteresting. Keeping the excitement out of his voice. It wouldn't do for Dean to think he actually liked the guy. He was supposed to be the bully, the dick that ran the school. Castiel wasn't supposed to like him. He doubted Dean was even interested in him. Something was definitely up with him today.

Dean grinned happily at him and turned back around to face the front of the room to listen to Mr. Singer, who was talking again. "Listen up, kids. You're gonna be using acids and a bunch of other crap that can burn your eyeballs out, so you need to wear safety goggles for this one. No excuses. We don't want a repeat of last time," He said, looking pointedly at Dean.

Castiel turned a little red, everyone had turned to look at Dean and could see he'd moved places. They might not know why but it made Castiel feel paranoid and uncomfortable. He busied his mind with the books in front of him, three steps ahead of Mr. Singer.

Dean grinned a little, not as cocky as he usually was, because he didn't want to seem like a total dick today, and even managed to blush a little and sink down in his seat. It earned him a few strange looks, especially since he was sitting far from his normal desk. Dean tried not to draw too much attention to himself, because he was aware that by doing so it would also draw attention to Cas, and Cas had to trust him for this whole pretend-seduction thing to work.

Mr. Singer drawled on about the experiment and gave looks to Dean every now and then when explaining the health and safety parts. By the time he'd finished talking and everyone got their partners and began the experiment. Castiel had written up everything about the experiment, apart for the results, and set up some of the equipment.

"Geez, you're fast!" Dean exclaimed, eying Cas in surprise. He'd known the kid was smart, but he wasn't expecting this. "Have you done this before or something?"

"No." he said simply, placing the acid in the correct beakers, not waiting for Dean. He was used to working on his own so forgot to make sure Dean was watching. He doubted Dean would mind him doing all the work though. Probably the reason he wanted to pair with him. He handed a pair of goggles to Dean. "Here."

"Thanks," Dean said, automatically taking them and putting them on. He'd forgotten to get his own, again. Mr. Singer probably hated him. No, definitely hated him. He watched as Castiel poured chemicals and mixed things and Dean was quickly lost. "Do you want me to do anything? I feel bad that you're… doing everything," he said lamely.

"It's fine. I want to get this done right." he muttered. He looked over his shoulder at Dean, "You don't mind, right? You can just copy my work." he shrugged assuming that's why Dean was here anyway. Any other reason..well, Castiel would be kidding himself if he thought Dean was here to actually be his friend.

Dean frowned. "No, dude. I'm not just gonna copy your work, that's low. Let me help," He said, stepping forwards so he was standing right behind Cas and looking over his shoulder. It was a tactic he'd planned carefully, and was proud of himself that he did it so smoothly, too.

Castiel froze for a moment, he could feel Dean's breath against his ear. He almost split the acidic liquid because of it. He shook his head and kept the liquid level. "I guess you could take over, just hold this steady as you pour it." he said, indicating to what he wanted Dean to do. He was sort of surprised he actually wanted to help.

Dean leaned closer, watching the experiment intently, but really he was focusing on Cas' reaction. The guy seemed a bit surprised, but didn't shove him away, so he stayed there. He used one hand to support himself on the table on one side of Cas and used his other hand to take the beaker from Cas, making sure their fingers brushed briefly. Cas was basically boxed in against the lab table now, caged by Dean's arms, but Dean tried not to appear threatening. He lifted the beaker to eye level. "How much am I supposed to pour in?" He asked nervously, "I don't wanna explode anything,"

Castiel was about to step away when Dean placed his arm on the other side of him, keeping him in place. He took shallow breaths trying to keep his shoulders from moving rapidly up and down. He didn't want Dean to notice how much trouble he was breathing with him so close to him. He swallowed thickly, "Stop" he said firmly, grabbing Dean's wrist to make sure he did in fact stop. Only once he knew it was safe he let go of Dean's wrist trying not to blush. "Okay so now we add 15mls of…" he trailed of his voice uncontrollably breathy. Damn it.

Dean grinned triumphantly. His plan seemed to be working. Not wanting Cas to freak out, he stepped to the side a little to give him some room, but bumped their shoulders together lightly. He stood close, pretending to pay careful attention to the experiment.

Castiel cleared his throat and didn't bother speaking again. It was too embarrassing, his cheeks were bright red. He felt like he was on fire. He poured the last liquid in and the colour of the substance changed purple. He wrote down the results just thankful Dean hadn't blown anything up. Now if only he could get him to stop standing so close. He shifted slightly away as he reached for his books, an excuse to try and regain some control.

"Well, that went well," Dean commented. "No toxic fumes or explosions. Thanks, Cas." He smiled and removed his safety goggles, maintaining eye contact for a lingering moment before looking away and busied himself with scribbling down the results on his paper.

Castiel nodded, avoiding Dean's eyes when he could. He packed away the equipment safely and handed his book to Mr Singer before excusing himself from class early. Mr Singer didn't seem to care, he'd managed to keep Dean out of trouble and done his work so let him go. He shifted his books around and gave Dean a small smile before hurrying out the room. Grateful for some air.

Dean was a little surprised at the smile Cas had given him, not sure that he'd ever even seen the kid smile before. He usually just looked serious. But he was left feeling strangely…rejected? Why had Cas left early? Was Dean intimidating?

Castiel spent the twenty minutes between the end of Chemistry and Lunch in an empty part of the school under a tree. It was the only time he got to be by himself, at home his brothers tormented him. At school the kids bullied him. This was the only time he got to himself, to sit under a tree and play his guitar softly. Letting the music wash away his troubles.

Dean usually ate lunch outside with his friends, and he met up with them briefly to keep them caught up with his plan, and they seemed pretty impressed at how successful he'd been at befriending, and hopefully seducing, Castiel, the loser who was the butt of every joke. Then Dean left quickly to go see if he could find Castiel on his way to lunch, when he heard soft guitar music coming from around the corner of the school. Dean slowly peered around the brick wall and spotted Cas, of all people, sitting on the grass under a tree with a guitar. His head was bent forward and his eyes were closed as he delicately strummed the strings with his slender fingers. Dean stopped and debated whether or not he should interrupt him, and then decided to just walk right up to him. Cas didn't hear him approaching until Dean said, "Wow. I didn't know you played guitar,"

Castiel made a high pitched shriek which caused him to blush. Great start, Cas. He turned to find Dean yet again behind him. He let go of the guitar, placing it on the floor. No one knew he played guitar, that's why he loved it so much. His little secret. His and his alone. Then Dean had to spoil it. He'd probably come to mock him about how crap he was or something. "What do you want Dean?" he asked, clearly upset to be disturbed and uncomfortable that the most popular and attractive boy in school was suddenly interested in him. Him!

Dean backed away a little, raising his hands in a calming gesture. "Sorry!" He said, "I was just taking a shortcut to the cafeteria and I heard you playing." He stepped forward slowly, putting his hands in his pockets. "Why'd you stop?" He asked, "It sounded really nice. You're good."

Castiel blushed, looking down at his feet. "I've never played in front of people before." he admitted quietly. He ran his hand over the instrument hoping Dean would leave so he could start playing again. It was vary rare he got the chance to play and Dean was eating into his time. "They're serving Apple pie today." he mentioned as casually as he could hoping it would sway Dean into leaving. He didn't mean to be rude but he just wanted to be left alone. He could handle the bullies, his brothers, his peers. All he asked in return was this small window in between his schedule of being kicked to death to play some music.

Dean eyed him curiously. Cas seemed nervous, or embarrassed, and trying to get rid of him? Dean, not wanting to scare him away, shuffled his feet on the grass awkwardly and scratched the back of his head, hoping it made him look as unthreatening as possible. "You're really good," he praised shyly, "How'd you learn to play like that?"

Castiel swallowed, averting his eyes from Dean. Why couldn't he just be left alone in peace? "I don't know. I just make it up." he shrugged. He doubted his parents would ever allow him to take lessons. He just wished he could own his own guitar but that probably wouldn't be likely until after school. Too risky what with bullies and such. This was just one he borrowed from the music room.

Dean's eyes widened, which wasn't an act. He had to admit he was truly impressed. "Wow," he breathed, "You mean you just taught yourself? That's natural talent, man. Seriously, you're amazing." He looked down at Cas, who was looking away, and he just looked uncomfortable, and then Dean realized he wasn't wanted, but he couldn't help himself. "Would you mind if I just sat here for a few minutes and listened to you play?" He asked hesitantly. He knew it was a risky thing to ask this, because Cas might reject him and the whole plan would be ruined.

Castiel was silent for a moment, he didn't play for people. Never had, but Dean didn't sound pretty genuine with his response. Castiel was good and reading people after spending quiet years watching others have fun he'd picked up a few habits on how people react and fake their emotions. He nodded hesitantly, waiting for Dean to sit down. He swallowed thickly, hoping he wasn't going to crowd him like he had in science. He picked up his guitar and faintly brushed his fingers over the strings.

Dean sat down slowly a few feet away from Cas, still feeling like he was treading on eggshells, and watched him play. Cas started out hesitant, like he was nervous about having an audience, but when he got more into the music, his eyes closed and he leaned over the guitar, swaying slightly, and began playing louder, more confidently. He was really good. Eventually the notes turned into something more familiar, and before Dean knew it, he was quietly singing along to 'Simple Man'.

Castiel couldn't play in front of Dean so he closed his eyes and pretended he wasn't there. It seemed to be effective because once he got into the swing of things he hardly noticed Dean. Until he started singing that is. Castiel almost jumped, forgetting Dean was there. He smiled slightly when he heard his voice. He had quite the voice on him, it was contagious. The rugged edge to his voice almost caused Castiel to stop playing and listen to just him. Castiel eventually gave into temptation and softly sung along too, keeping his head down and focused away from Dean.

Dean felt a happy warmth spread through his chest, watching Cas play and singing along. Their voices melded together, and Cas even started adding in some harmonies here and there. Dean also noticed that Cas was smiling, that he looked calm, and peaceful, for once. When the song ended, Dean continued watching Castiel, waiting for him to say something, because he wasn't quite sure what had just happened.

Once the song ended and Castiel came down from the high of music. He plucked the strings absently, realising how easily he'd shared something so personal with a guy he hardly knew. It was embarrassing to admit it had been fun and Castiel, for once had enjoy someone's company at this school. He cleared his throat awkwardly, "You've got a great voice, Dean. You should try out for Battle of the Bands or something. I'm pretty sure your friend Ash is in a band…" he said casually, avoiding looking at Dean.

Now it was Dean's turn to be embarrassed. "You know, I've never really sang in front of anyone before," He said quietly, "Not even my parents." He coughed nervously. "Uh, thanks, Cas," He muttered, "If anyone should try out for Battle of the Bands, it's you. It would surprise everyone, seriously. You'd be famous." Dean blushed for some reason and picked blades of grass to keep his hands busy and avoid looking at Cas. What the hell was he doing; they'd just sung a song together, not told each other their deepest secrets. Why was Dean acting like this? This was fake, he had to keep reminding himself.

Castiel scoffed, "Dean, I'm not that good. It's just a bit of fun." He dared a glance over at the other to find him picking grass and avoiding looking in Castiel's direction completely. He frowned in confusion. He looked like a completely different Dean from the one trapping him between the science lab earlier. This Dean was shy, vulnerable almost. It was quite appealing. He looked away and continued plucking at the strings, playing a soft, lazy melody. "Thank you for letting me hear you sing." he said quietly, looking at his feet.

Dean looked up with a small grin. "Thanks for letting me hear you play," He countered. They looked at each other for a lingering moment before Dean felt himself start to blush and he glanced at his watch. "You wanna go to lunch now? I heard you mention apple pie…" He rose to his feet and offered a hand to Cas, looking at him expectantly. "You coming?"

Castiel lingered for a moment, his eyes cast to Dean's eyes down to the extended hand. He never went in the canteen, too many people to taunt and mock him. He pressed his lips into a thin line, uncertain about taking that chance. However, when he looked up at Dean's reassuring smile he couldn't help but cave. "Okay." he finally agreed. He took Dean's hand and stood, strapping the guitar across his back and picking up his books. Once he'd managed to shuffle them so he could carry them properly he gave Dean a small smile and followed him sheepishly into the canteen.

They entered the canteen together, and some people gave them curious looks, but Dean ignored it. He acted like it was the most normal thing in the world for a popular kid to be eating with a loner like Cas, and Dean felt kinda bad for just thinking that. He gave Cas a small smile and they went and got in line to buy their food. Dean spotted the apple pie, and he almost drooled. His stomach rumbled.

Castiel went quiet as soon as they entered the canteen. He was a paranoid child as it was but when he knew people were talking about him. He felt like the world had dropped a ton of pressure on his shoulders. He followed along behind Dean, rolling his eyes when the other became distracted by pie. "Dean..I don't think this is a good idea." he muttered, looking around them and seeing people stare at him. "I'm just going to go."

"What?" Dean frowned at him, confused. He looked around at everyone, and the other students were staring at Cas. Oh. Cas probably didn't come here much and the regulars weren't used to seeing him. "Just for today, Cas," Dean pleaded. He needed people to see them together for the plan to work, but the plan was beginning to seem more and more pointless and douchey. "Come on, we can sit over there if you want." There was a secluded table in the corner where nobody was sitting.

Castiel sighed, once again caving at the sound of Dean's voice. He picked up a cartoon of chocolate milk from the chiller. "Fine. Just for today" he echoed. He suddenly realised, Dean had said 'just for today'. Did this mean Dean was going to speak to him tomorrow? Castiel had just assumed once this odd, dream-like day was over tomorrow would go on as usual. Pretending nothing had happened. Which Castiel was fine with of course, he hadn't exactly expected anything from the other. He wasn't even sure why he was still here but he didn't question it. He paid for his chocolate milk and scurried over to the empty corner table, ignoring those who looked at him or snickered behind his back.

Dean watched him go, and glared at the people who were laughing at the both of them, and they shut up when he looked at them. That was a huge benefit to being popular; people respected you. Although, he wasn't sure how long his popularity was going to last… He bought extra food, since all Cas had gotten was the carton of chocolate milk, and walked calmly over to the table where Cas was sitting. He sat down across from him and wordlessly passed him a sandwich.

Castiel stared at the sandwich before his gaze flickered up to Dean. "I can't accept that." he said quietly, looking down at his cartoon of milk. He blushed slightly, Dean was being so nice to him. He bought him food. No one did that. Even if Dean wanted something, actually paying for Castiel's lunch seemed a bit excessive if all he wanted was a chemistry partner or someone to do his work to get a good grade. Maybe he was just really trying to be his friend. He took the guitar from his back and placed it carefully on the table, handling it with care.

Dean rolled his eyes a little and shoved the sandwich closer to him, laughing. "It's a sandwich, Cas, not a million bucks. Of course you can accept it. You've gotta eat something. There's no way you survive just on chocolate milk." He took his hand away from the sandwich and watched as Cas seemed to consider the option, then set the guitar on the table.

Castiel reluctantly took the sandwich, he still didn't feel good about taking it but he was pretty hungry. "Thanks" he smiled sheepishly, and began eating. His eyes flickered over to Dean who seemed to be watching him. He felt like he was on show to the whole world when Dean looked at him like that. He bowed his head and ate silently, avoiding Dean's gaze.

Dean smiled as Cas began eating the sandwich. He watched him for another moment, feeling like he should say something, but Cas looked away uncomfortably and Dean tore his eyes away from him. He felt out of his league, suddenly, and didn't really know what was going on between them, and it made him a little nervous. The whole point of the plan was to pretend to befriend the guy, not actually start to be his friend for real, but something happened and Cas was starting to work his way under Dean's skin, and Dean wasn't sure what to make of that.

Castiel looked up to see Dean wasn't eating. "Is the pie inadequate?" he asked, frowning slightly. He swallowed the last piece of his sandwich and kept his head low. He felt out of place here. Dean could fit right in but him, he was an outcast. Everyone was staring at him. He even heard one guy make a remark about them being a couple. That made Castiel blush bright red, this was so embarrassing. He picked up the guitar and practically fled from the room. He hoped Dean hadn't followed him. He'd had enough attention for one day. He spent the rest of lunch in hiding until the bell went for English.

Dean didn't say anything as Castiel suddenly ran out of the room. He'd heard the comment about them being a couple too, and he shot the guy who'd said it a sharp glare after Cas had fled. Everyone was staring at him in varying degrees of confusion. When Cas had left he hadn't looked like he'd wanted to be followed, and Dean let him be. He calmly ate the rest of his lunch alone. His friends didn't have the same lunch period as him, so he didn't bother moving to a new table. After lunch ended, Dean had a free period, and he decided to spend it in the library. He didn't know what class Cas had right then, and Dean thought it best that he give the guy some space after what had happened in the lunchroom.

Castiel was glad to get away from the insanity the day had brought. He sat in the back corner in English, ready to get down to some creative writing when out of nowhere.. some of the popular boys walked right up to him and started beating the shit out of him. It took three teachers to pull them off him. He curled up in the corner trying not to cry. Before the teachers had arrived most of the other students had been cheering the other guys on. He hated this school. The next thing he knew he was in the nurse's office being patched up. She smiled at him with pity. He smiled weakly back, feeling dead inside. This was Dean's fault. People ignored him until today. No one bothered the looser kid. Castiel could only assume he had taking a beating because of what Dean had done today.

Dean was walking by the nurse's office on his way to his locker, and he happened to glance inside. Cas was sitting on the edge of one of the leather beds, and the nurse was sitting in a chair in front of him, examining a cut on his face. Cas looked like shit. Immediately, Dean stopped and rushed into the room, exclaiming, "Cas? What the hell happened to you?" Even though he already knew. He frowned and went over to stand beside the nurse, looking at Castiel with concern. He knew Cas got picked on sometimes, hell, he'd even participated a few times, but he'd never seen it get this bad. Dean felt guilt pool in his chest. He hadn't meant for this to happen, but he'd drawn Cas out into everyone's line of sight without Cas wanting him to.

Castiel groaned when Dean walked into the room. Luckily it was about the same time the nurse dabbed disinfectant onto his cheek so he just pretended he was whining about that. He wanted to look away from Dean but the nurse was keeping his head firmly in place. He kept his eyes as far away from him as possible. This was his fault and he had the nerve to stand there and pretend like he was his best pal. "I think you should leave." he muttered quietly, trying not to wince as he talked. He just wanted this day to be over and go back to reality were no one talked to him and he could take the occasional beating in peace. He wasn't sure he'd be able to stand this happening everyday.

Dean winced at Castiel's words and tried to think of anything he could say. He felt like absolute crap. "I'm sorry," he murmured, "I didn't mean for this to happen." This couldn't get any worse. "Who did this to you?" He demanded angrily, feeling like he needed to get revenge for this. It wasn't fair that Cas had gotten beaten up. The only reason people picked on him was because he was an easy target, didn't have any friends to defend him, and never fought back. It was so easy. He just let it happen to himself, and people took advantage of him for that.

"It doesn't matter. Please leave." he muttered, his voice sounding a little off. Most likely from the vast amount of punches he received to the face and throat. He wished Dean would just go, he was making things worse. He didn't want Dean to cause trouble, it would only make things worse. He just wanted to disappear back into the shadows and forget about it. He finally looked over at Dean, his eyes pleading with him not to do anything stupid. The nurse left, clearly she wasn't going to ask Dean to leave. That nice, Castiel thought, just leave him with a potential bully that's very safe. He held the ice pack to his face with a wince, shifting in his seat.

The look in his eyes made Dean's heart constrict painfully. Castiel looked so small, so scared and lost, and Dean couldn't just leave him here. "I'm not going anywhere," He insisted softy, taking another step closer to the bed. Cas needed a friend more than ever now, and Dean wasn't going to abandon him. "Whoever it was, it's not ever going to happen again, okay, Cas? I won't let anyone hurt you." And whoa, where did that come from? He was surprised at himself for promising such a thing, but it was too late now. He had to keep his promise. Spending the day with Cas had given him an insight into the guy's daily life that he'd never known, and it wasn't good. He needed someone to care about him.

Castiel kept looking at his shoes, "The gesture is appreciated though it is not needed." he muttered softly. He didn't need anyone looking after him. Even if they were as big and strong as Dean. The thought of someone looking out for him was appealing but it would cause more trouble than it'd do good. Besides, he didn't want to drag Dean into this. He just wanted things to go back to the way they were. He gave a quick glance to the nurse but she was pre-occupied in her little office. He placed the icepack under his shirt, cooling the sting of the bruises he had not told her about. He sighed, closing his eyes he leant his head back slightly at the soothing sensation.

Dean ignored his statement and took another step closer. When Cas lifted his shirt to press the ice pack against his side, Dean caught a glimpse of bruised skin, and he took another step closer. "How bad did they hurt you?" He said, his voice almost a growl. It wasn't fair, what happened to him, and Dean realized this was probably his fault, and he was determined to make things right.

"Well I can walk." he commented, his voice agitated by Dean's concern. It both pleased and pained him to see Dean care for him like this. It was nice that someone was actually trying to do the right thing and show a little humanity for a change but the fact it was Dean's fault to begin with didn't help his case. Castiel placed the icepack down and slid carefully off the stool. "Just leave me alone." he said both reluctantly yet seriously. With that he grabbed his bag and tried not to wince as he walked out the room.

Dean sighed in frustration. He felt bad, and he knew that Cas was blaming him, and Dean totally deserved it, because he realised that hanging out with Cas had caused some unwanted attention, but he was trying his hardest to make it up to him. He hesitated a moment, biting his lip, and debated whether or not he should go after Cas. He clearly didn't want to be followed, either that or he was just embarrassed about appearing weak. Before Cas could get too far from the nurse's office, Dean blurted, "Cas. Wait."

Castiel rolled his eyes, couldn't he be left in peace? He stopped and turned to look at Dean, "Dean. Just stop, whatever has gotten into you today. Just stop it, please?" he pleaded, his eyes never leaving Dean's "I don't need this. So I forgive you, no need to feel guilty. Just let it go and leave. me. alone." his voice as usual, was soft and quiet but a certain amount of bitterness came out of the last few words. Castiel was angry but he'd go home and cool off. He wasn't the type to start trouble, unlike some people..

The two boys stared at each other for a moment in tense silence. Dean didn't want to bother Cas, but he didn't want anything else to happen to him today. "Do you want me to drive you home?" He offered helplessly. Cas was probably going to say no anyway, and Dean was pretty sure Cas was already pretty pissed at him, but he persisted nonetheless. "It's just… It's the middle of the day, and…" Dean trailed off uncertainly, looking at Cas pleadingly. He wanted to help in some way, even if Cas didn't want to be helped. Dean shrugged and shook his head. "Not if you really don't want me to," He said, backtracking. "I understand if you don't want me to."

Castiel bit his lip, tearing his gaze from the other. Now he felt bad, how was Dean able to make him feel like that?! It wasn't fair he was the one beaten to a pulp not him. Why should he sympathise with Dean? Although the drive home did sound tempting. He had struggled to get this far without wincing at the pain. Maybe if he was in a car with Dean he wouldn't look so helpless, so easy to pick on. Though it could go the other way and cause him to get beaten up further. He sighed, his side was throbbing, he just wanted to get home and soon. He reluctantly nodded and accepted Dean's offer wordlessles

Dean let out the breath he'd been holding and smiled reassuringly at Cas. This was good. This was step towards Cas trusting him, and he needed that to happen. He /wanted/ Cas to trust him, not only for the ultimate goal of asking him to prom, which seemed less and less likely to happen. Prom was soon, and several girls had already asked him to take them, and he seriously doubted Cas would say yes, even if they just went as friends, which probably wouldn't happen anyway. But Dean was already involved with Cas, whether he wanted to be or not, and he couldn't just cut himself out of Cas' life after today. "Come on," he said, "My car's parked out back."

Castiel nodded and kept his head down as they walked through the school. Everyone was still in class, thank goodness. He was still jumpy whenever a teacher walked passed or a door shut though. They finally got to Dean's car and Castiel's eyes widened. "T-This is your car?" He daren't even touch it, it looked expensive. He couldn't get in that. It was far too luxurious, what if he scuffed the paint or something? He stood shyly, eyeing the car. How did Dean even own a car like this? He felt a bit guilty when his first thought was he stole it. Although it seemed very likely and Dean did seem the type.

Dean, not looking at Cas, smiled and nodded proudly. "Cas, meet Baby. Baby, meet Cas." He stroked the hood lovingly and went around to the driver's side. "Isn't she beautiful? My dad and me salvaged her from a junkyard. I fixed her up myself." This car was his pride and joy. "You getting in, or are you just going to stand there and gawk?" Dean teased gently, seeing Cas' expression.

Castiel's eyes remained wide as he carefully got into the car. "You built this?" he asked in disbelief. How was that even possible? To create a car of this beauty…there had to be something wrong with it. Dean was so talented, he could sing, build car, be popular.. was there anything this kid couldn't do? He really wanted to punch him in the face for being so nice and cool and yet such a dick at the same time.

Dean ducked his head and blushed a little. "Well, I didn't build her entirely," He admitted modestly, "I mean, she was pretty trashed when we got her, and a lot of new parts had to be ordered. It took a long time, but she runs like a dream now," He said. He loved this car like it was his child. He glanced up at Cas and was pleased and proud when he saw the awe in Cas' face as he looked at the inside of the car, and then started the engine. "So, which way is your house?'

The engines purr was smooth and clean and Castiel almost lost it. It was too perfect. No one had a car this perfect. Why? Why did Dean have all these nice things? He didn't deserve them. He wasn't saying he did but Dean spent his time not working hard at school, bulling people and talking to the popular girls. It wasn't fair. Castiel bit his lip and gave directions to a place a street away from his house. He didn't want his mom to see him drive home in this, she'd only ask questions. That and he didn't want Dean to see where he lived.

Dean followed Cas's directions, noticing a slight change in the atmosphere, a new tension between them, and Dean wasn't sure why. He glanced over at Cas, who looked a little troubled and his expression was a little stony, but Dean didn't ask, not wanting to pry too much, as he was still skating on thin ice here. When they reached the street Cas had told him, Dean slowed down and asked, "Which house?" It was an average street, kind of like his own; not rich or poor, just in between.

"Here is fine." he said, opening the car door a little so Dean had to stop. Wouldn't want to risk hurting his precious baby and all. When Dean stopped, Castiel jumped out, pulling his rucksack over his shoulder. "Thank you for the lift." he nodded awkwardly and closed the door before walking quickly back down the street to get to his house. Hoping to God Dean wasn't completely crazy and follow him for what felt like the fourth time today.

Dean let Cas hop out of the car, feeling a little confused and guilty. Had he done something else to piss Cas off? Dean sighed and drove away in the opposite direction, feeling a little frustrated. He was really trying, dammit. He guessed he was being a little too persistent, and he decided to back off a little and let Cas approach him if he wanted. Maybe he was feeling threatened. Dean didn't want that to happen. He drove back to his house, which was one of the poorer ones on the street, not wanting to go to school.

Castiel walked back to his house, letting out a breath when he saw Dean back off. He felt guilty but he really needed some time alone, not that'd he'd get any at home of course. His brothers were always there to torment him, thankfully they were still at school or work so he had the house to himself for a little while. Enough time to clean up his wounds and cover them as best as he could. But first on the agenda, was to curl up on his bed and sob in to the pillow. Physically and mentally draining himself of all the emotions he'd kept hidden whilst at school.

Nobody was home when Dean walked in, but when he checked his cell phone, there were several new messages.

Nice work with the weird kid, dude! Great acting. Almost had me convinced, man -Ash

Are you free Saturday night? -Jo

Dean, I'm going to Jess' house after school today to work on a science project. Be back around 8. -Sammy

That was hilarious. Has he declared his love for you yet? -Chuck

I've already gotten your wedding present -Andy

Hi, Dean! You probably don't know who I am, my name is Becky and Sam's not answering my texts, is he okay? - unknown number

Dean laughed at the last one. Becky was a really annoying girl the same age as Sam who wouldn't leave the poor kid alone. She seemed to think they were soulmates, destined to be together, and Dean relentlessly teased his little brother for it, but Sam had a pretty huge crush on this girl Jess. He never shut up about her. And Dean had to admit, she was pretty cool. Sam had his big brother's approval. Dean temporarily ignored the text from Jo, not really wanting to think about her at the moment, hot as she was. What bothered him, though, were the texts from his friends laughing at Cas. He didn't like talking about the poor guy behind his back like this, and it wasn't fair for him to be the butt of yet another joke.

Castiel had managed to cry to the point where he had no tears left to shed. He lay defeated for a moment. He sure was pathetic. He slumped over and into the bathroom to clean his face. He poked and prodded and his deformed face. He wasn't exactly pretty to start with and now he had to deal with this. He sighed and headed into his room to draw. Castiel found it a soothing technique, as he didn't have a guitar at home and he needed some way to outlet his emotions. He picked up his bag, rummaging through it but couldn't find his sketchbook. He frowned and tipped the contents onto his bed. It wasn't there. Oh no, this wasn't good. In that book contained various drawings, pictures of things he made up, some from what he observed but one sketch in particular stuck in his mind as he realised where he'd left the book. A sketched drawing of Dean's face..and it was sitting in Dean's car. Shit.

After a while of hanging out in his room chatting with some friends on his computer, Dean went downstairs to rummage through the cupboards and fridge, starving for something greasy and delicious. He looked at the clock and sighed. It was only four o'clock, and he was going to be alone until Sam and Dad got home, which wouldn't be for a while. He decided to go out and get a pizza. He grabbed his keys off the table and went out to his car and got in. As he turned the key in the ignition, he noticed something sitting on the seat. Frowning, he picked it up. It looked like a sketchbook or something, and he opened it up out of curiosity. It belonged to Cas, he discovered quickly, and realized he must have left it when he'd jumped out of the car earlier. The first picture was of an angel… and, wow. That was pretty damn amazing. He flipped through the pages quickly, more and more fascinated the more he looked. When he reached the end of the drawings, he gasped and stared. It was a picture of /him/. Dean's mouth fell open and he just stared at it. It was a really good drawing, and it actually looked like him, too. Cas was talented in more ways than one. And suddenly, Dean felt lost. Cas had drawn a picture of him, that didn't mean anything, did it?

Shit, oh hell. Castiel was well and truly screwed now. He needed that sketchbook back but he couldn't just ask for it back. That meant talking to Dean again which meant they'd have to both acknowledge Castiel drew a picture of Dean. Even if he didn't say anything he knew Dean would have seen it. He'd have to look in it to see who it belonged to. Oh, and he's going to see the angel pictures and the warriors who'd save us from the apocalypse. Fantastic. Dean's going to think he's a complete maniac. He just needed to get his sketchbook back. He didn't sleep that night. He couldn't how could he? His mind was racing with fears and doubts of what tomorrow would bring.

The next morning, Castiel came into school. His hair gelled lightly to stick up in front, mostly to cover the bruises that had formed. He wore a hoodie too, the teachers asked him to take it off but once they saw his face they didn't bother asking him anymore and left him alone. Thankfully he didn't have chemistry again today, but he did have French with Dean after lunch. That he was not looking forward to. The majority of his classes blurred together and before he knew it, it was lunch. He'd made it the majority of the day with out seeing Dean and he was thankful for it. He resumed his usual spot, sitting outside by the tree and playing soft melodies on the guitar. Avoiding the song 'Single Man' like the plague.

Dean didn't see Castiel at all that morning, and he figured he was probably avoiding him after yesterday's disaster. He carried the sketchbook around in his backpack all day, waiting for an opportunity to give it back to Cas, but he hadn't seen him. Now it was lunchtime, and Dean knew he wouldn't find Cas in the canteen, so he decided to go looking for him. Not much longer, Dean found Cas at the same spot he'd been in yesterday, playing his guitar. Once again, he was bent forward over the instrument, eyes closed. The bruises were more prominent today, and his hair looked different, like he'd put some kind of product in it. Like yesterday, he didn't hear Dean approaching, and Dean stood there uncertainly for a moment, debating whether he should just quietly put the sketchbook down somewhere Cas would notice it, or if he should announce his presence and just hand it over.

Castiel began singing "Hey Jude" quietly to himself. The soothing tune, calmed him considerably. He was going to need it if he was going to get through French. The words soon became a soft hum as he strummed his fingers against the strings, adding extra notes here and there to make it his own. He was so busy getting into the vibe of the music he hadn't heard someone come close to him. He hadn't heard them but he could feel the difference in the air. He was pretty sure it was Dean but he wasn't going to turn around to check. If he did that he'd have to acknowledge him and talk to him. He didn't have the energy for that. So he continued to play the melody, humming quietly along.

Dean froze when Cas began playing the familiar notes of 'Hey Jude'. Suddenly, Dean was a little kid again, getting tucked in by his mom, and she was singing that song to him to help him fall asleep, gently stroking his hair and smiling softly down at him, her golden hair cascading down around her beautiful face. Dean gasped audibly, forgetting to be quiet, as his eyes filled with tears at the memory. His mother was dead, and he hadn't heard that song since, and the way Cas was singing it reminded him of her… All soft melodies and gentle, lullabye-like notes.

Castiel frowned when Dean didn't move, he began all the more curious when Dean gasped softly. He couldn't help but turn around to see what was wrong. What he saw almost broke his heart, Dean looked more vulnerable than he'd ever seen him. His features had softened and he looked like a lost puppy. He stopped playing and looked up at the other. "Dean?" he called softly, tilting his head trying to catch the other's eyes. He wondered what he was thinking about, what had made him stop from approaching him.

Dean snapped out of his reverie when he realized Cas was looking back at him, and when Cas stopped playing and said his name, Dean immediately tried to school his expression back into one of neutrality, blinking his tears back rapidly and mentally shaking himself. "Uh, hey, Cas," he said a little shakily, looking away and awkwardly holding the sketchbook in front of himself like a shield. "I think this is yours," he offered weakly, taking a quick step forward to hand the sketchbook to Cas.

Castiel looked at the offered notebook, he put the guitar on the floor and stood. He took the sketchbook but leant forward a little inspecting Dean's face. "Dean, are you okay?" he asked gently. He looked really upset. Was it because of what Castiel had said? He'd been avoiding Dean like the black plague, maybe he genuinely was upset by that. He was just trying to help out after all. He hugged the sketchbook to his chest, hoping it would protect his heart from breaking. The Dean he just got a glimpse of was one he was pretty sure Dean kept hidden away. He'd only startled when he started playing..something about that song. Reminded him of something, maybe? Castiel put it on his mental list of things not to play if Dean was around. He was pretty sure he never wanted to see that face again.

Dean bit his lip and nodded quickly, not looking at Cas. "Yeah, yeah. Sorry, just… Yeah, I'm fine." He lied, forcing a smile as he finally looked into Castiel's eyes. Cas was staring at him, and it was actually pretty unnerving. Dean felt like he could see through the lie and it made him want to run away. He didn't like sharing that particular memory with people. It was very special to him, and even though his mom wasn't alive anymore, he still kept it a secret between his mom and him, just like they had when Dean was little. Standing in front of Cas like this, Dean felt vulnerable and exposed.

Castiel could see Dean shift uncomfortably under his gaze so he took a step back and nodded, "Okay." He still didn't think Dean was okay but if he didn't want to talk about it, that was his business. He didn't want to upset Dean further. He sat back down and quickly placed the sketchbook back in his bag. Thankful Dean hadn't said anything, know he could just pretend like Dean didn't know Castiel had drawn a very detail picture of his face. He closed his back and picked up the guitar continuing to strum a made up tune. He wasn't sure whether he should ask Dean to stay. He wanted to but he was afraid of being beaten up again so he left the choice to Dean.

Dean was surprised Cas didn't ask to be left alone. He didn't seem to mind that Dean was there, so he awkwardly walked over and sat down across from him on the grass. Desperate to change the subject and get the memory of his mom out of his head for now, he asked the first thing that came to his mind. "So, you've never taken lessons or anything?" He still couldn't believe how Cas was so good without having been taught.

"I can't even afford a guitar" he chuckled, looking down at the strings, hiding his face with his hood and hair. "I just taught myself." he added. It was surprising what you could achieve when you're a loser with no friends, he wanted to add but resisted the temptation. He didn't want to cause trouble. He began to play again, singing along to a new tune hoping to pick up Dean's spirits a bit.

Dean narrowed his eyes thoughtfully when Cas started the new song. It sounded familiar, more upbeat, but he couldn't place it. "What song is that?" He murmured when there was a break between the verses, not wanting to interrupt too harshly. "It's beautiful…. I think I've heard it before somewhere but I can't remember." Cas was still delicately picking the strings, and Dean watched his fingers move, amazed.

Castiel was thrown when Dean spoke, he got so enthralled in his music he forgot his surroundings. "It's Uprising by Muse." he answered keeping his head down. "Just gives me a bit of a challenge working with a classic guitar." he added, plucking the strings getting back into the beat. They will not control us, we will be victorious. he began singing again, feeling more confident in Dean's presence. He was grinning as he bobbed his head along in time to the beat. He loved music, it was his pride and joy.

Dean watched in amazement as a full-out grin split Castiel's face, his eyes lighting up in a way Dean had never seen before. It was stunning to watch. Castiel's entire being changed into something else when he was playing the guitar and singing, and Dean couldn't believe it was the same person. Dean smiled in return and started humming along, picking up the words quickly and adding some background harmonies to support Castiel's voice, but not overshadow him. Castiel's voice was surprisingly strong and clear, with a bit of a rough, gravelly edge to it that gave Dean chills. Pure, undiscovered talent.


	2. Chapter 2

The song came to an end and Castiel couldn't stop smiling, the aches and pains of his bruises were being ignored for the the thrill and energy buzz that he got from playing. To have Dean sing with his made the music become that much better. He risked lifted his head, risked showing his face to look over at Dean. He was watching him closely and Castiel swallowed hard. He bit his lip before trying distracting himself to avoid staring at Dean. He fiddled with the strings aimlessly, "Have you done the French assignment?" he asked lamely. He shouldn't have said anything but he was getting nervous just sitting in silence like that. The French assignment had been to write a poem or short story in French to read to the class. Castiel was not looking forward to standing in front of the class looking like this. He usual got away with not speaking in French class but this time it went towards their grade so there was no way he could skip it this time.

Dean shrugged. "Kinda," He replied, "Mine's not great though. I really suck at French." No matter how hard he tried, he just didn't get it, and usually ended up making a fool out of himself in front of everyone, but he laughed it off because everyone thought it was funny, and he kind of had a reputation for being the dumb kid in his French class. He acted like he didn't care and just made a big joke out of the whole thing, but he was actually kind of embarrassed by his lack of knowledge in French. "Have you done yours yet?"

"I'm sure it'll be great." he smiled reassuringly. Castiel had to admit he had laughed in the past at Dean's attempt He felt bad about now that he thought about it, Dean tried. That's all you could ask. "Yeah, sorta." he mumbled. He really didn't want to say it out loud. He'd probably get beaten up afterwords once they hear his accent. Castiel's grandmother was French, she used to come over and speak the language to him when he was younger. They'd bake and sing together in French. Probably the only ever person he'd ever shared his voice with. Other than Dean. Then when she passed away the language just stuck. The bell rung a few moments later and Castiel groaned, he was not looking forward to this.

Dean sighed in annoyance as they headed off to French, walking side by side in the hallway. People looked at them curiously, but Dean ignored it and hoped Cas was, too. "Just a warning, Cas. I wrote my poem about ponies because I literally did not know what else to write about. I honestly don't care anymore. Feel free to laugh," Dean muttered, sighing again in frustration. He was so bad at French.

Castiel kept his head down, he put the guitar back in the music room as they headed to French. He kept his hood up and covered his face, avoiding the glares he could feel burn into his skin. "I won't laugh" he promised. "I'm sure it's a great poem..about ponies." Castiel was curious, he wasn't even sure he could write about ponies in English let alone French. They entered the classroom and Castiel took his usual spot at the far back avoiding the odd wink Ash gave him. He thought nothing of it, just Dean's friends being idiotic bullies again. He pulled out his notepad, filled with to the brim with random gibberish writing varying from Chemistry to Creative Writing. He found his poem and began reading over it for errors. If he was going to speak in front of these people it had to be perfect. He couldn't afford to embarrass himself again.

Dean sat down at his desk and ignored Ash, who was trying to get his attention. He glumly stared at the crumpled sheet of paper in front of him. His stupid poem about ponies. This was his way of just showing everyone he'd given up in French. He could barely read his own handwriting, and he was going to make a total fool of himself anyway. Oh well. At least he was keeping up his reputation of class clown. He glanced across the room at Cas and gave him a look that said, "Here goes nothing. Prepare to watch me convince the entire class that I have severe brain damage."

Castiel busied himself with his himself work glancing up to look at Dean and catching the tail end of a look that did not promise this lesson would end well. He gave him a reassuring smile. He was sure whatever Dean had wrote would be fine..

The teacher came in and took the register and everyone took it in turns to read out their stuff, Dean was up next.

Dean reluctantly trudged up to the front of the classroom, putting on his most obnoxious smirk. "Okay, here's my poem." He read the poem as quickly as he could, but ended up stumbling over his words. It was a really horrible poem, and it made no sense, and even the teacher was laughing a little.

Castiel for his part didn't laugh, he felt a bit sorry for Dean. He looked like he was really trying but just struggling with the language entirely. After more laughter, Dean sat down pretending it didn't bother him. Castiel wish he could be like that, do what he want and not care what people thought. A few more people stood up and shared their work. Castiel thought he'd get away with not speaking today but the teacher looked over at him, seeing to struggle remembering his name for a moment before calling him. Everyone was now looking at him and he never felt more subconscious. He was asked to take his hood down so they could hear him. Castiel scowled, he didn't understand how his hood affected speech but complied reluctantly just the same, revealing his slightly gelled hair, feathered in every direction. Castiel ignored the sniggers and pressed on. "M-My poem is called 'La rose blanche."

His poem was about two brothers fighting in a garden. In the garden lay a white rose, it represented the innocent which soon conflicted with the blood that sprayed across it, corrupting the innocence a deep crimson. It was a fairly short poem but well constructed and meaningful. His foreign tongue felt natural and his pronunciation was clear and accurate. His accent just rolled perfectly off his tongue and he felt like a different person when he read, more confident. But that may have just been because half his class had no idea what he was talking about. Once he finished the response was a mixture of dumbfounded looks, confusion, laughter and the usual comments that Castiel was a looser for being smart. He pulled up his hood and shuffled back to his seat, ignoring the taunts and the leg Ash stuck out to try and trip him up.

Dean watched as Cas made his way to the front of the room, and when he took his hood off, his messy hair was actually kind of adorable, not that Dean would even admit that to himself. He looked nervous, and the bruises on his face were darker than they had been yesterday, and Dean felt angry. He looked around the class, at all the people who didn't give a crap that Cas had been hurt and was in pain, both physical and emotional. The other kids were laughing at him and giving him dirty looks, and what for? Cas had never done anything to them. Dean was disgusted at his classmates

Cas began to read his poem. Dean had no clue what he was saying, because he simply could not understand French, but it was beautiful all the same. The words flowed smoothly together, blended with an accent, and Castiel's voice rose and fell artistically to accentuate the sentences. When he was finished, there was a brief silence, and then some unfriendly muttered comments to from the class. Dean watched as Cas looked around the room helplessly and started to walk back to his desk. He caught Castiel's eyes and gave him a wide, reassuring smile, shaking his head slowly in amazement. How the hell was Cas so good at so many things, and nobody knew about it?

Castiel spent the remainder of the lesson with his head against the desk. He just couldn't wait for this lesson to be over so he could hurry home. Having lessons last thing with Ash or his friends never ended well for him. Maybe they'd let him off, given the injuries he already had? Even Castiel laughed at the thought, bullies would never be that kind. The school bell went and Castiel all but ran from the class, hiding amongst the crowd in the hallways to get home safely. He didn't bother waiting for Dean but he was sure he'd understand why he was eager to get away as soon as possible.

Dean watched Ash closely as the bell rang, knowing that this was when Ash usually picked on Cas the most. Surprisingly, Ash didn't head straight out the door after Cas, and walked over to Dean instead. "So, how's it going?" Ash asked with a suggestive smirk and a wink as the rest of the class picked up their belongings and started to leave the room. Dean shrugged and said, "I dunno. Fine, I guess." He didn't want to talk about this, it made him feel like crap, still taking part in this stupid dare to ask Cas to prom. "I don't think it's gonna work," he said, and started getting his stuff together to leave.

Castiel had managed to successfully walk out of school without getting beaten up. He was pushed into a locker but that wasn't exactly the punishment he was expecting so, so far so good. He pulled his bag strap further up his shoulder as he walked down the street, heading home. He caught up with one of his brothers, Balthazar. Well, actually caught up isn't exactly the right term. Balthazar jumped on him. Apparently it was supposed to be a friendly tackle but Castiel being the weak, pathetic thing that he is.. he fell straight to the floor. "Cassie, this isn't the bloody Titantic. You're not supposed to jump when I jump." Balthazar quipped. Castiel groaned not bothering to argue with his brother. He tried pushing him away but he was too strong. He kept him pinned to the floor, passers by cheering him on.

Dean managed to get away from Ash, not wanting to deal with him right now, and followed the crowd of students to the parking lot where his car was, and got into his beloved Impala and began driving away. He regretted not talking to Castiel after French, but he knew Cas still needed some space, and Dean couldn't take all of his time. It would be pushing too hard, and if Dean kept that up, he might accidentally push him away. When he pulled out onto the street, he noticed a small crowd of kids gathered around two people on the ground. He looked closer and slowed down a little, and his heart sank when he saw who it was. Castiel was being held down by a bigger guy, some asshole named Balthazar, and everyone was cheering him on. Cursing, Dean pulled over on the opposite side of the road and got out, striding quickly over to the scene. He shoved people out of the way and grabbed Balthazar's shoulders, yanking hard so he was thrown off balance. "Get off him, asshat." Dean growled threateningly.

Balthazar stood and regained his composure fairly quickly, there was a flicker of surprise in his eyes. "Relax, just a bit of brotherly love." he smiled with his usual soft, smooth voice. He held out an arm to hoist Castiel. Once Castiel had managed to get to his feet he was soon dragged to Balthazar's side in what was his attempt at a friendly side hug. Castiel refused to meet Dean's eyes and wriggled out of Balthazar's embrace. "Balthazar this is Dean. Dean this is Balthazar." Castiel introduced as the two just stared threateningly at each other. They both seemed protective over Castiel. Well, there was a first time for anything. Although he was pretty sure Balthazar was only being protective because he felt only he should be allowed to treat Castiel this way. Dean on the other hand was surprising. He never actually expected him to stand up for him.

Dean's gaze flickered between the two of them in surprise. "You're brothers?" He asks in disbelief. He'd seen Balthazar around school, constantly picking on Castiel, and as he looked at both of them, he could see the resemblance. The fact that they were brothers made Dean hate Balthazar even more. What a dick; if anything, Balthazar should be protecting Cas, not siding with the bullies. Dean glared at him harder and asked without looking, "You okay, Cas?" He and Balthazar glared each other down, neither of them backing down, and Balthazar had kind of a possessive look about him. The crowd of students around them watched in silence, waiting to see what would happen. Nobody had ever stood up to Balthazar, and nobody had ever stood up for Castiel. There was a first time for everything.

Balthazar took a step forward, getting into Dean's personal space. "You got a problem with that?" he snarled. Castiel swallowed, nodding timidly. He wasn't fine, the crash landing had made his previous injuries begin to throb again. However, he didn't want to make a fuss. He just wanted everyone to stop staring. He readjusted his bag, pulling the strap up his shoulder. "Balthazar, please." he said softly, holding his hand out timidly on Balthazar's arm. Balthazar's jaw clenched, he didn't like being told what to do but the desperation in Castiel's voice was not one to ignore. Balthazar looked at Dean challengingly, "Touch my brother, and I will make sure it is the last thing you do." His voice was soft and gentle, underlying implication of a threat. This only caused Castiel to gulp nervously, he knew that tone. It was never a good sign. Balthazar backed off and pushed Castiel away, forcing him to walk home with his brother. Castiel looked back briefly and gave a small, thanking smile before hurrying to keep up with his brother.

Dean didn't move as the two of them walked away, but he didn't like the way Balthazar roughly shoved at Cas. He stared uncertainly at Cas as he smiled slightly back at Dean, and the two of them hurried away. Dean counted it as a victory, since Balthazar was walking away and not hurting Cas anymore. The crowd of people were looking at Dean like they'd never seen him before, and Dean stared around at them, threatening them to say something. Nobody said or did anything for a tense moment, and then one of the girls, a shy one that Dean didn't know, smiled at him with respect, and to Dean's confusion, she started clapping. The girl beside her joined in, and then another. The crowd started to break up, and the guys patted Dean on the back, saying, "That was awesome." , "Good job, man." , and "Nice, dude." Dean just stared at them in confusion, feeling like he was being pranked, but nobody was laughing. These people genuinely respected him, and were happy that he'd stood up to Balthazar, and Dean couldn't believe it. This wasn't the reaction he'd been expecting. Suddenly dizzy, he forced a smile and walked back over to his car, getting in it and driving home quickly.

The majority of the day consisted of his brother annoying him. Remarks such as; "That your boyfriend,Cassie?" "When's the wedding?" were thrown around…as well as some actual objects. He remembers an alarm clock being hurtled in his direction at one point and narrowly missing it. To put it lightly, his brother was pissed. He didn't like getting shown up. It was only a matter of time before Balthazar got his revenge.

The next day Castiel headed for school, Balthazar and Gabriel at his side talking about something he couldn't be bothered to listen about. When Dean's car drove past, Balthazar growled and told Gabriel about yesterday. Castiel suddenly took interest in the conversation. "You know what ya gotta do, right?" Gabriel announce with a cunning grin. One that did not bode well with Castiel. "You gotta jazz up his ride." he said suggestively. Both his brothers grinned and Castiel felt sick to his stomach. "Y-You should just leave him alone." he squeaked, causing both brothers to turn around and look at him in shock. It was very rare of them to hear Castiel voice his opinions, especially if it meant stopping them from bullying someone. Before he knew it, he was being pushed against back against the wall of the school and beaten up, yet again. "You should just keep your mouth shut" Gabriel fumed, pushing him firmly against the wall by his collar of his complied and remained silent. Balthazar slapped him and Gabriel kicked him in the stomach as he violently dropped him to the ground. With that, both of his brothers left. Leaving Castiel groaning on the floor.

As Dean drove to school, he noticed Castiel walking between Balthazar and Gabriel on the sidewalk, and he watched them carefully, slowing down just a little bit. The brothers were staring at his car and talking, and Dean kept driving, keeping the three of him in his rearview mirror, when suddenly Gabriel and Balthazar turned on Cas angrily and shoved him against a brick wall. "Shit," Dean muttered, and swerved in front of an old lady in a VW beetle, trying to get into the left-hand turn lane so he could go back around the block, but there was too much oncoming traffic and he was stuck at the light for a moment. The moment he had a chance, he pulled out and turned, tires squealing on the pavement, and he drove around the block, going the wrong way on a one-way street, to get back to where they had been beating up Cas. When he got there, he pulled over carelessly and jumped out. He saw Cas laying on the ground, but he didn't see his brothers anywhere. He ran over to Cas and dropped to his knees beside him, looking him over anxiously. "Where did they hit you?" Dean asked, his hands fluttering uncertainly over Castiel's body, not sure what to do.

Castiel managed to sit up and lean against the brick wall, his breathing was uneven and he winced as the ache in his side pounded and throbbed. Dean's face was a welcoming site. The thought briefly shocked him to think he'd only spoken to the boy a few days ago. "I'm fine." he assured with a weak smile. He was used to his brothers bullying, that didn't mean it didn't hurt less each time. He didn't want to worry Dean. He pushed the other's hands away gently and unsteadily rose to his feet trying not groan as he did so. "I'd be more concerned about your car." he warned, grabbing his backpack and flinging it over his shoulder.

Dean's hand automatically shot out, and he grabbed Castiel's arm to support him, since Cas was wobbling a little. "Are you sure you're okay?" He asked with a frown as he studied Castiel. "There's blood on your shirt," he said, and also noticed a dusty footprint. "They kicked you?" He exclaimed in angry disbelief. He didn't let Cas walk away, and stared at him with determination and worry.

Castiel looked down at his shirt and made a weak attempt to wipe away the dirt. He sighed and before he knew what he was doing, his hand was stretched out and resting firmly on Dean's shoulder. "Dean, please." he began, his eyes pleading with him to listen. "Just let it go." Dean was far too involved as it was. Castiel didn't want to see him get hurt for his sake.

Dean tore his eyes away from the footprint and blood slowly seeping through the shirt, and looked at Castiel's hand on his shoulder, then up to his face. "I can't just let it go!" he said earnestly, still frowning. "How often does this happen?" Now that he knew Castiel had brothers that also beat him up, Dean was guessing it happened more often than he'd thought.

Castiel frowned, why was Dean being so protective? He barely knew him. "This is none of your concern." he issued, unsure how to reply. Dean looked determined there was no way he could be able to take him out of this. Castiel could barely speak to people normally, trying to persuade someone was like climbing a mountain in bare feet. Castiel rummaged through his bag, finding his hoodie and putting it on to hide his blood stained shirt.

Dean stopped Castiel's hands as he began to pull the hoodie on, still staring at the blood on Castiel's shirt. "Let me see," he ordered, keeping his voice gentle yet firm. Knowing Cas, it was probably worse than he was acting like it was, and was just trying to hide it, and Dean was not going to let him ignore it this time. He stared at Cas expectantly, waiting for him to lift his shirt and let Dean look at the injury, but Dean didn't expect Cas to listen to him.

Castiel ignored Dean's request, mainly because he didn't want Dean involved. If he showed him his injuries he would certainly be more determined than ever, a man on a mission. One that wouldn't end well. He also didn't obey Dean's order because he was stood outside the school. He wasn't going to lift his shirt up outside, he wasn't completely insane. Despite what people thought. He pulled away from Dean and put his hoodie on, fixing his tussled hair as best as he could. He probably just made it worse. "We'll be late for Chemistry." he muttered lamely.

Dean sighed and tossed his hands up in defeat, stepping back. "I'm trying to help you, Cas!" he exclaimed, "Can't you see that? Would you just let me look at the damn footprint? You're bleeding. You could have internal bleeding too, but nobody would know, because you're being all difficult and stubborn and refusing to let me take a look, and you'll probably go in the bathroom and die on the floor all alone, because you had internal bleeding and you never told anyone, and it would be my fault if you died." Dean stopped his rant, feeling a little breathless, and a lot surprised. Well, that was a bit more dramatic than he was intending.

Castiel just blinked at Dean. He was expecting a retort but that…he wasn't even sure what to make of that. Although Dean was trying to help, Castiel couldn't help but laugh. He wordlessly held up the hand he'd been keeping hidden by his side and held it up to Dean. "I cut myself on a rock." he explained, still finding the whole thing amusing. Now Dean's little speech seemed very, very over the top.

Dean simply stared at him. Cas was /laughing/. This was not at all funny, so why the hell was he laughing? When Cas extended his hand to Dean, palm up, and showed him the cut across the middle of his palm, which was about 2 inches long, not that deep, and still bleeding, Dean understood where the blood had come from, and he felt like an idiot. Dean didn't know what else to say, so he just stared at the cut and blushed. "Oh." was all he said.

Castiel was still laughing. He hadn't laughed like this is months. "It's okay." he smiled, watching Dean blush. It was odd to see him like this, compared to the Dean everyone else saw. Maybe other people did see him like this but didn't take about it. He shrugged off the thought and shifted his weight, accommodating for the weight of his bag. "Come on. Chemistry awaits." he grinned, still chuckling slightly to himself as he began walking into the building.

Dean glared at him, but he didn't really mean it. He couldn't believe how happy it made him to see Cas laughing, looking genuinely happy for the first time ever. "You're a jerk, you know that?" He muttered at Castiel's back as he followed him into the school. Really, he was relieved Cas was okay, but there was still the cut on his hand, which Dean hadn't forgotten about. Once inside the school, they walked side by side. People still looked at them strangely, but Dean was surprised to find himself on the receiving end of several respectful smiles, and Cas, too.

Walking down the hallways, Dean got the odd smiles. It wasn't until a few moments after they'd passed that he'd realised the smiles were directed at him too. His face grew red with embarrassment. Now people were looking at him, this could only end badly he thought to himself. Before going to chemistry, Castiel stopped by his locker and pulled out a small box filled with assorted bandages and tissues. He cleaned his hand and wrapped a bandage round it carefully. "That thing you did yesterday.." Castiel said without looking at Dean. "..I really appreciated it."

Dean watched as Castiel bandaged the cut around his hand, the motions quick and practiced, as if he'd done this many times before, and Dean realized he probably had. The thought made him feel angry again, but he forced it down and looked up at Castiel, who wasn't looking at him. "Well…" Dean started awkwardly, looking back down at Castiel's hands. "He was hurting you," Dean said softly, "I didn't realize you were brothers."

"It would be a bit anti-climatic if they weren't my brothers." he shrugged, a small smile tugging at his lips. "It's like one of those soap operas on television." Castiel was pasted the point of caring. He'd grown up with his brother's viscous ways so just let them get on with it. It led to less trouble in the long haul. "Just stay out of Gabriel's way. He can be… persistent." he mentioned even though the two had not met yet. He dumped his sketchbook in his locker and closed the door. "In fact, it'll be easier if you just stayed out the way all together." he said even though he knew Dean would refuse to.

Dean shook his head and grinned, throwing his arm around Castiel's shoulder as they walked to the Chemistry room. "Nope, you're stuck with me." He teased, smiling down at Cas. "I won't pick any fights with your asshole brothers, but if I see them hurting you again, they'll be sorry," he threatened, unconsciously tightening his grip on Castiel's shoulder.

Castiel bit his lip, keeping his head down as people watched them walk through the hallways with Dean's arm around his shoulder. He wasn't used to this much attention, it was a bit embarrassing. He gave a small worrying smile to Dean, "Just take care of your car. I over heard them say they were going to do something to it," he explained, leaving out the part where he'd gotten beaten up for trying to stop them.

Dean froze. "My car?" He asked, eyes wide. "What are they gonna do?" He didn't want to know; the thought of his Baby getting damaged was enough to almost make him sick. "Wait… is that why you got beaten up this morning?" He asked, guilt clouding his mind as everything clicked together. "Oh my god, you heard them say that when I drove by you guys earlier and then you told them not to and they hit you, I saw them attack you after you said something and it was right when I was driving by… oh, shit. I'm so sorry."

Castiel blushed crimson, bowing his head as he held his hand on the chemistry room door. He half turned back to look at Dean, "It's okay." he muttered with a small smile before opening the door. He headed to the back of the classroom, picking up a textbook from the front desk on his way past. Thankfully none of Dean's idiotic friends were in this class. A small mercy for the day ahead.

Dean watched in confusion as Cas blushed. Why was he blushing? Still feeling guilty, he followed Cas into the room and grabbed a textbook. There weren't many people in the classroom yet, and Dean decided to sit right next to Cas this time, feeling pretty confident that Cas wouldn't mind. He flipped through the textbook absently and leaned his head on his hand. "If we're doing another experiment with sulfur, I swear to god I'm going to die," he muttered lamely, just wanting to say something to break the tense silence that had settled between them.

Castiel gave a weak smile, pulling out his scrawny notepad and opening the textbook to page 206. "Then I have good news. Today is how chemicals react when contacted with heat. What colours they produce and so forth." he said casually, blushing at how nerdy he sounded. The lesson hadn't even started and he already knew what they were doing. Hopefully Dean wouldn't ask why he knew and just pretend he hadn't just made a complete ass out of himself. He busied himself with his notebook as a way to avoid looking at Dean.

Dean just continued to watch him. Castiel was blushing, a faint pink tinging his cheekbones and the tips of his ears. The bruises were differently colored from yesterday, and not as noticeable, but still there, but today there were new bruises forming, and Dean could just barely see them above the collar of Castiel's hoodie. Dean realized something then. "You're really smart," he pointed out, "Why are you embarrassed about it?"

Castiel let out a short bitter laugh. He looked over at Dean with a raised eyebrow, "Have you seen my face recently?" he asked, indicating to the bruises. In French they'd teased him about his poem, In Maths they beat him up. It was almost surprising Dean hadn't made the connection. He was a loser because people found his intelligence intimidating. They'd beat up the smart kid to assert power over them. It was just the way it worked. Castiel still felt his cheeks pool with colour under Dean's compliment though, giving him a brief look before continuing to write down the introduction for the experiment.

When Cas turned to him and pointed to the bruises, Dean studied him carefully and winced. "Yeah," Dean said regretfully, "It sucks." Dean realized how that sounded, and he backtracked. "I mean, your face doesn't suck, just the bruises. Your actual face is definitely not sucky." Dean rolled his eyes at himself.

No matter how idiotic that sounded, Castiel couldn't help but blush as he chuckled softly. If he thought about it, it was actually quite worrying how easily Dean could make him laugh. He barely knew him, he'd managed to petrify him half to death by playing a Beatles song. Dean in returned had caused his body to be beaten senseless. And yet, here they sat comfortably together. Castiel gave up trying to figure out why that was and threw his now completed notes at Dean. "If you want to leave early, I suggest you start copying those."

Dean looked at the notes and frowned. "I don't wanna copy your work, tempting as it is." He looked them over briefly and shook his head in baffled amazement. "And even if I did, Mr. Singer would find out instantly. What does this even /mean/? He leaned over and pointed at a long, scientific word that he didn't recognize.

"Mr. Singer doesn't read our work." he shrugged. "I've intentionally written a bad report in the past, using the incorrect compounds and formulas to try and trick him but he still gave me an A." he chuckled Castiel bit his lip, looking over at Dean. "I can help you out, if you wanted." he suggested, trying not to insult Dean by basically telling him he was stupid. He wasn't he just need the right push. "And with French. I'm pretty sure ponies don't eat other ponies." he pointed out, repressing the urge to giggle at the thought of cannibal ponies.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Of course he gave you an A," Dean said, "He knows you're smart. With me, he'd probably take one look at it and get suspicious. And… thanks," Dean blushed. He knew he needed help with some stuff in school, but he didn't want to ask. And now that Cas was offering to help him, Dean appreciated it and decided to take the opportunity. Cas was obviously trying not to smile as he said the pony comment, and Dean stared back at him hard, but when he thought about how ridiculous it was, he burst out laughing. "That's not what I was trying to write about," he said, grinning widely, "And how did you even get that from the poem? I know I suck at French, but I was trying to say they eat… grass and stuff. Not each other." They smiled at each other for a moment, and then Dean had to look away, still grinning and blushing.

Castiel laughed a bit when Dean did, relaxing when he knew he hadn't upset the other. "I think the version you said was better" he grinned. "Certainly freaked the teacher out, I've never seen her so pale." Castiel looked over at Dean smiling, "You don't suck, you just need a bit of practise that's all." he assured. "If you want we can go to the tree at lunch, I'll teach you this song I know in French. You've got a great voice, it'll help your accent." he mentioned quickly, blushing as he realized what he was saying. He thumped his head lightly against the desk, hiding his face from Dean.

Dean's grin widened at Castiel's offer, and he laughed when Cas blushed and banged his head on the desk. Reaching over to pat him on the shoulder, Dean said, "Yeah, I'd like that." He looked at Cas for another moment, wondering how this happened. They'd only been speaking for a few days, and Dean had only initiated it because he'd been dared to, but now they were actually starting to become friends.

Looking at the side of Castiel's face like this, Dean saw something he hadn't noticed before; a long, pale scar that stretched from his cheekbone down to his jaw. It wasn't that noticeable, but it stood out against the darker skin of the bruise on his cheek, and Dean leaned forward and squinted at it, then hesitantly reached a hand out and lightly traced his fingertip along the scar. "How'd this happen?" He asked curiously, his smile fading.

Castiel only twitched slightly when Dean's hand landed on his shoulder, it felt warm and reassuring. No threat evident in the way Dean touch him. He smiled to himself when Dean agreed to join him at lunch. He'd enjoyed when they sang the other day. It'd be nice to do it again, even if the reason was to hear Dean's singing voice again.

Castiel almost fell out of his seat when Dean touched his scar. His eyes went wide and he practically jolted as far away from Dean as he could. He'd never allow people to come so close as to see his scar. If they had they never mentioned it for which he was grateful. The less said about it the better. "The value of such a story, I believe. Would be the equivalent to the story about Hey Jude." he said, knowing full well that would shut Dean up about the topic for good.

Dean jerked his hand back and hit his elbow hard against the desk. Castiel's expression had gone from pleased to utterly terrified in a split second, and Dean held his hands up placatingly. "Sorry!" He exclaimed, heart pounding. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have… shit, I'm sorry…" He trailed off helplessly and bit his lip, staring at Castiel helplessly. When Castiel mentioned Hey Jude, Dean's breath caught and his throat closed up. He forced his face into a neutral expression and said somewhat coldly, "I don't want to talk about it." and turned away. Dean didn't look at Cas anymore, even though he felt guilty for asking about Castiel's scar.

Castiel allowed a small smile of victory to cross his lips, he'd managed to avoid the discussion. He also, however, had hurt Dean in the process. His smile faltered and he sighed, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean—" The words got stuck in his throat and he resigned back to his notebook, scribbling in it absently. He wished he had his sketchbook right now, something to pass the time. Mr. Singer never showed, called in sick. Which caused everyone to suddenly go ape shit and run out the door with lightening speed. Castiel rolled his eyes, why did having no teachers mean it was socially acceptable for his classmates to turn into flea infested baboons?

Dean stared stonily down at his desk. "I have to go," he said. He'd started thinking about his mom again, and didn't want Castiel to see him break down, which was definitely a possibility. He'd mostly gotten it under control since her death, but every once in a while something triggered him and he just lost it and had a meltdown. He hated when that happened, and he was beginning to feel it building up from within him and push, and he started to panic. The rest of the class had already left, and Dean stood up quickly, needing to get away, to be alone, so he could just get his emotions under control again. Glancing apologetically at Cas, he slung his backpack over his shoulder and began to hurry out of the room.

Castiel wanted desperately to follow him but he knew Dean needed his space. Was this how Dean felt when Castiel shut him out? He felt terrible, he never meant to hurt Dean. Something about that song was eating away at Dean. What usual control he had seemed to be breaking piece by piece. He sighed and packed up his things, waiting until Dean had left until he walked out the room and headed for the music room. He picked up one of the guitars and headed to his usual spot under the tree. If Dean wanted to join him then he'd let him but he wasn't about to start demanding Dean tell him what was wrong. It was his personal business, if he wanted help he'd ask.

Dean kept his head down as he walked through the halls, trying to be invisible. He ended up going to the locker room, which was empty, thank god, and locking himself in one of the bathroom stalls. He closed the toilet lid and sat on it, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, curled up in a little ball. He rested his face against his knees and just tried to breathe. He took deep breathes until the tightness in his chest faded and he felt more relaxed, and then he just sat there in silence for a few minutes. He was okay now. He'd gotten it under control. He was ready to go by the time the bell rang for lunch. He'd pushed the emotions down until he felt more like his normal self, at least for now, and remembered he and Castiel had plans to meet at the tree for lunch. He sighed and took his time walking there, not sure how he should apologize to Cas for what had just happened. He hoped it wouldn't be awkward.

Once Dean reached the tree, he hesitated. Cas was strumming his guitar and gazing out across the school yard, looking thoughtful, and…sad? Castiel actually looked sad. That wasn't something Dean was used to seeing. Usually, Castiel's face was neutral, bored, irritated, angry, or scared, but Dean had never seen him look sad before. That was new. Awkwardly clearing his throat, Dean stepped into Castiel's line of vision.

Castiel looked over at Dean, his sadness subsiding a little and turning into a small smile. "Hey" he said softly, dropping his hand away from the strings. "You okay?" he asked with concern. Dean wasn't one to shy away or look so hurt, Castiel was beginning to worry if Dean would show up at all. He'd considered that Gabriel had found him and was having a little 'chat' with him. He patted the grass next to him, smiling up at Dean wanting to see Dean as he usually was. Not the sad Dean that tore on his heartstrings.

Dean gave him a small smile in return and walked over to Cas, sitting down on the grass right beside him and leaning his head forward, playing with the blades of grass. "Yeah, I'm okay now." He said quietly, and there was a long pause before Dean looked up and tilted his head to the side to meet Castiel's gaze. "Are you?" He stared deeply into Castiel's blue eyes, understanding him better now. They both had bad things in their past, and neither of them was willing to talk about it, and somehow it brought them closer together, in a way. What an unlikely pair they were becoming.

Dean said he was okay but Castiel kept an eye on him just in case, he didn't quite believe he could recover from something like this quite so quickly. Castiel swallowed, "Yeah." They remained quite for a while but it wasn't awkward, it was rather pleasant. Castiel almost laughed at the idea of enjoying Dean's —the boy who used to bully him with his friends— company. Castiel tightened his grip on the guitar ready to start playing again. "Do you want to sing that French song I was talking about?" he asked, breaking the silence.

Dean smiled softly at Castiel. "Yeah," he said, "But you're gonna have to be patient with me. As you know, I'm really bad at French." He watched as Castiel started to strum the strings lightly. He was glad that Cas hadn't asked him any more about Hey Jude, because he wasn't really ready to talk about that yet, although he was considering telling Cas at some point.

Castiel nodded, "We'll just take it slowly." Castiel began to pluck at the strings delicately, producing a soft melody. He then sang the first line and waited for Dean to copy him. His accent was clear and as smooth as possible for Dean to be able to pick up how to sound the words. it sounded ridiculous to teach via songs but the rhythmic beat helps people to learn quicker. It's how his Grandmother had taught him.

Dean tried his best to copy Castiel's smooth accent, but his French sounded choppy and messy compared to Castiel and he blushed, shaking his head and giggling a little and looking at Cas helplessly. This was kind of embarrassing. They both knew how much Dean struggled with French, and Castiel asking him to sing a song in French just made it more obvious how bad he was at it, but it was funny.

Castiel smiled, finding the situation funny rather than actually laughing at Dean. "That was good, just try it again. More emphasis when you roll your Rs" he encouraged, repeating the line a bit more slowly this time. He looked over at Dean, with an endearing smile when he saw Dean blush. "Come on, Dean. Sing."

Dean rolled his eyes in embarrassment, still smiling and blushing, closed his eyes and sang the line. This time, it sounded better, and he beamed at Cas when he was done. "I almost sounded like you that time!" He said excitedly. Maybe this would work after all. Cas was smiling at him and Dean felt warm and content, and he was a little surprised at how quickly their friendship had developed.

"I hope that's a good thing.." he laughed, continuing to play the light melody. Castiel sang the next line, looking over at Dean with a proud smile. He knew Dean didn't suck, he just needed a bit of help. The confidence to believe he could do it. After another attempt at the line. Castiel sang both together, waiting for Dean to copy him.

Dean sang both of the lines again, loving the sound of Castiel's voice and the guitar. He only messed up the words a little, but in general he was doing so much better than he thought he could. "I wish teachers did this instead of just talking at us and being bitches," Dean mused quietly. "I think it's actually working. You're a genius, Cas."

Castiel almost felt the need to clap but resisted, he didn't want to come of as a patronising ass. "It would make people concentrate more." he agreed. Castiel blushed, bowing his head. "My grandmother taught me this stuff. She's the genius." he corrected. He began playing again and the third line of the verse. Then the fourth. Each time listening as Dean repeated his words.

Dean's smile never faded as he learned the song line by line, his French becoming clearer and making more sense as he copied Castiel. It was incredible. He couldn't believe it was working like it was; maybe singing was Dean's secret calling. And he almost laughed out loud at that ridiculous thought. After Dean repeated the lines again, he asked, "Hey, do you have any chemistry songs? I think that would be really helpful." He teased gently, grinning at Cas.

Castiel smiled proudly as Dean's French got better. Dean seemed surprised with himself. Castiel was surprised they were actually doing this. They'd only known each other less than a week. It was truly ridiculous how comfortable they were with each other. "Well, there is one song… It's silly really. It lists all the elements on the periodic table." he laughed.

Dean laughed and playfully shoved at Castiel's shoulder. "That'll take me ages to memorize," he groaned, closing his eyes and flopping back on the grass, enjoying the cool feel of it beneath him and the sun beating down warmly on his legs, while his face and upper body were shaded by Castiel's shadow. He felt so comfortable and relaxed, and it surprised him.

"It took me a month to get it right." he laughed, admitting it was a bit of a hard song. He looked down at Dean who seemed content lying in the grass. "What have you got last?" he asked, with a small smile. He returned to his guitar playing a soothing melody as he leant back against the tree, squeezing his eyes shut.

"My last class today is math," he murmured. "What about you?" The soft melody that Cas seemed to be playing absently, without even thinking about it, relaxed Dean even more, and he kept his eyes closed, even as he sensed Cas shifting beside him, and let the notes wash over him. He really needed to learn how to play guitar. "Thanks for teaching me the song, Cas," he said.

"Art" he mumbled. He liked art, it was comforting. What he didn't like was when the teacher insisted on everyone sharing their work with the class. It made Castiel uncomfortable. Art was personal. He turned his head a fraction to look at Dean. "No problem." he shrugged with a smile. "You've got a great accent you just some practise." Which was Castiel's surprisingly smooth way of saying 'Your voice is amazing. Don't stop singing.'

Dean smiled and blushed at the praise, but he was busy thinking about art. Dean remembered glancing through Castiel's sketchook, and debated whether or not he should bring that up, since it was kind of snooping. Dean was still curious about the picture Cas had drawn of him, and he wanted to ask about it, but he wasn't sure how. "You're really good at drawing," he said vaguely, opening his eyes to gauge Castiel's reaction.

"Oh..thanks." he said sheepishly. He swallowed thickly. He didn't want to ask how Dean knew he was a good drawer then his sketchbook would probably be mentioned. And a certain piece of art work that Dean was most definitely not supposed to see. How would he even explain something like that without sounding creepy? Castiel kept his gaze away from Dean, concentrating on playing a freestyle tune he'd been working on. Hopefully that would distract Dean and make him forget about the sketchbook.

Dean bit his lip awkwardly. He really wanted to know about the picture Cas had drawn of him, but he just didn't know how to bring it up casually. Finally, he sighed and just blurted out, "Why did you draw a picture of me?" And not wanting to sound offended, he quickly added, "It was really good, by the way. You're really talented." And he shut his mouth then, watching Castiel closely. He couldn't believe he'd just asked that, it was probably going to make things really awkward, but Dean just wanted to know. "I saw it accidentally when you left your sketchbook in my car…"

Castiel abruptly stopped playing, making a strangled yelp sound. Why couldn't Dean just let anything go? "I..uh — well..you have a really nice face." he spluttered, his face growing crimson. "No.. No I don't mean no, I mean.. yeah you do have a pretty face but I'm.. I meant no that's not the reason. I meant anatomy wise. I needed to practise for this anatomy project." he failed to explain feeling very embarrassed.

Dean watched him struggle, and couldn't help but smile affectionately as Castiel's face reddened and he trailed off, looking horrified. "….thanks?" Dean said uncertainly. Castiel had just said Dean had a pretty face, what did that mean? "But I'm not /pretty/. See this tough, manly face? I'm /handsome/." He said, pointing at his own face with a smug smile. "You're the pretty one," he teased. "With your big blue eyes and fair skin." Wow, that was one of the gayest things Dean had ever said, and he was internally shocked at himself.

Castiel wished the ground would just swallow him whole. Did Dean just call him pretty? This was not happening. He was dreaming, had to be. No one as..beautiful as Dean would ever call Castiel pretty. This was all just a big joke and everyone was in on it. He shook his head. His mouth had gone dry as he tried to swallow. "I..uh..I've got to go." he mumbled lamely, scrambling to his feet.

Dean blinked in confusion as Castiel fled suddenly. "What- Cas, wait!" He quickly stood up and began following him. He thought about what he'd just said, and couldn't find anything offensive, so why was Cas running away? "What did I say?" He called after Castiel.

Castiel strapped the guitar across his back. He was tempted to run for it but Dean would probably follow him. People were already looking at them. He couldn't take this further into the school and embarrass himself. There was already too much attention on him as it is. He stopped and half turned to Dean who'd caught up with him. "I don't do compliments well..given the circumstances I think that can be well justified."

Dean stopped a few feet back, not wanting to stand to close to Castiel and make him uncomfortable, and sighed sadly. Castiel wasn't used to getting compliments, and he didn't know how to deal with people being kind to him. It made Dean feel a mixture of sorrow and anger; anger at every person who had treated Castiel, this amazing, talented, smart guy, badly. Slowly, carefully, Dean took a step forward until they were facing each other, never once breaking eye contact, and said, "Cas, you deserve every compliment you get, okay?"

Castiel bit his lower lip, looking up and into the other's green eyes. They were so caring and sympathetic with him. He couldn't understand why. "Why?" he asked curiously, Castiel was beaten, ignored and even spat on a few times. Why should he suddenly be adored because some gorgeous guy turns up and decides he no longer wants to be a bully? Castiel didn't deserve anything this easily. Especially from someone who hardly knew him.

Dean sighed in exasperation. How could Castiel really think so poorly of himself? "Listen, Cas, I know you've got self-esteem issues, which sucks, but I don't even think you realize how great you are. And don't look at me like that; I'm not saying this out of pity, so stop thinking it. You don't deserve to be picked on and beaten up just because people are jealous of your awesomeness; what you deserve is praise, because you don't get enough of it." After Dean was done, he stared at Cas challengingly, daring him to deny everything he'd just said, because Dean really /meant/ it.

Castiel searched Dean's face, looking for any hint the other was mocking him in anyway but he found nothing. Dean was serious. His features softened and smiled shyly at Dean. "You think I'm awesome?" he asked timidly, with a small chuckle. Castiel bit his lip, no one was ever this nice to him. Castiel felt like he might cry, he averted his eyes and stared at the space between their feet. "Thank you, Dean." he added quietly. The corners of his eyes stinging as tears threatened to appear. He blinked them away, gnawing on the inside of his cheek.

Dean smiled sheepishly. He could breathe normally again. Everything was fine now. "Yeah, you're awesome." Dean confirmed with a lopsided grin. Then, Castiel tipped his head forward and bit his lip, and tears welled up in his eyes. "Cas, you okay?" Dean asked in concern. This was unexpected; he didn't want Castiel to cry, and he didn't know why he was, exactly, but Dean had to do something. He couldn't just stand there and let it happen. Not knowing what else to do, Dean tentatively put his hands on Castiel's shoulders, and after a moment's hesitation, pulled him into a hug.

Castiel let out a strangled yelping sound. That he was not anticipating on. His hands were crumpled against Dean's chest as the other brought him into a hug. He knew Dean wouldn't hurt him but he couldn't help the force of habit slide and tensed, squeezing his eyes shut as if to brace himself for the oncoming pain. Nothing came, Dean just embraced him. Castiel opened his eyes and the tension drained a little. His fears of crying in public had subsided in his surprise hug attack from Dean.

Dean winced when he sensed how tense Castiel was, and quickly took his arms away. That was really awkward. "Sorry," he mumbled, not looking at Cas. He didn't know what to do with his hands now, so he nervously played with the hem of his shirt as if the loose threads had suddenly become the most fascinating thing in the world. Why did he do that? Dean started to back away uncomfortably.

"It's fine just..unexpected." he smiled shyly, looking timidly up at Dean. Castiel rubbed his hand over his cheek, where his scar was. Feeling very sub-concious. "I should probably be getting to art class." he mumbled, gesturing awkwardly in the vague direction he was walking in. He could see Dean looked uncomfortable. Castiel had no experience with making situations less uncomfortable. He was the king of awkward.

Dean finally looked up at him, and was surprised to see Castiel smiling, not angry, not upset. Dean returned the smile awkwardly, feeling very relieved that Cas wasn't angry at him. He watched as Castiel rubbed his hand over the scar, and it made him wonder even more desperately what had happened to him, but he didn't ask because he knew it wouldn't be fair. "Okay…" Dean replied, clearing his throat. "I'll, uh, see you later, then."

Castiel nodded and pulled his bag up his shoulder and headed off to the art rooms, picking his sketchbook up on the way from his locker. He'd just taken his sketchbook out and closed the locker door when Balthazar appear on the other side leaning against the lockers casually. Castiel jumped, dropping his sketchbook and the loose pieces of paper fluttered across the hallway floor. Balthazar tilted his head watching as Castiel fell to his knees picking up the papers. Castiel reached out for the image of Dean but Balthazar stood on his hand stopping him from reaching it. "Cassie, what have we told you about playing with the Winchesters?" he said, his voice smooth and soft but Castiel knew he was angry. "You remember what happened last time, don't you?" Castiel didn't say anything, he'd gone rigid. Balthazar, in one fluid motion had picked up the drawing and Castiel and flung him against the lockers. Balthazar looked between the picture and Castiel. "What d'ya know.. he looks just like him too." Castiel struggled against Balthazar's grip, grunting in pain. "See you at home, sweetie." he said, pursing his lips and making a mwah sound before releasing Castiel letting him slump against the floor.

Dean's math class was pretty uneventful, as it usually was. He wasn't too horrible at math, but he wasn't awesome at it, so the teacher didn't pay him much attention. Today, though, he was distracted. He kept thinking about Castiel; how he hid within himself and didn't like showing his talents, how he was quiet and got bullied all the time, both by kids at school and his own dick brothers, and how he got the scar on his face. He didn't have to ask, because he already knew it was something bad by the way Cas had reacted, but he still wanted to know more about it. After his class ended, he left the room quietly, still thinking and intended to go home, when Ash stopped him. "Dude, prom is in two weeks, are you gonna ask him or not?" He hissed, eyes glinting in excitement. Dean shrugged vaguely. "I don't think it's a good idea." He said, but Ash persisted. "Come on, you have to! I noticed you've been spending a lot of time with him lately, which kinda sucks for you, so just ask him to prom, take him, and then you can be done with him. Not that hard, man." Dean just glared at him. "I don't think he'd appreciate that." he replied stonily and looked away dismissively, walking down the hall to his locker. Ash followed after him and exclaimed, "What's gotten into you? Do you like him or something?!" he looked shocked, disgusted and horrified, and Dean wanted to punch his so-called friend in the face. Instead of punching him, Dean stopped in the middle of the hallway, not caring that there were people trying to walk around them, and turned to face Ash. "Yes, I like him. He doesn't deserve dicks like you treating him like shit." And then Dean walked away, leaving Ash standing bewildered in the middle of the crowded hallway.

Castiel hadn't made it to art class,he was in the bathroom breathing deeply through his nose. He was sat on the closed toilet with his knees pressed to his chest. He just couldn't do it anymore, Balthazar had made him realise that. He was too busy enthralled by the prospects of having a friend..or at least someone to hang out with him that he'd forgotten who Dean really was. A Winchester. But Dean was really nice..the fact he was of Winchester blood shouldn't stop him seeing him. Castiel chewed on the inside of his cheek. He wiped his tears and weakly tiptoed out of the bathroom and headed home, pausing briefly by the Impala wondering if he should wait for Dean. He had to talk to him before his brothers did.

When Dean walked to the student parking lot, still fuming, he was surprised to see Cas standing near his car. He smiled and put a hand up in a quick, lazy wave, but as he got closer his smile faded. Something was wrong. Castiel looked really upset; his eyes were red and his face was streaked with tears, and he was even shaking slightly. "What happened?" He demanded when he was close enough, standing in front of Castiel and looking him over to see if he had gotten beaten up again, but it didn't look like he had. "Cas, tell me what's wrong." Dean frowned in concern, staring into his eyes.

"You remember you said your dad was an alcoholic?" he blurted out. No greeting, no holding back or being bashful. He needed to tell Dean and the only way he could do that was if he said what he needed to say quickly and looking away from Dean. "Well, I already knew that. See, I've met him before and …." Castiel tripped over his words as he blurted them out and his hand instinctively went to his scar. "I'm sorry, Dean." he sniffed, feeling tears sting the corners of his eyes.

Dean's eyes widened. He didn't like talking about his dad, and he couldn't remember mentioning him to Castiel, but what he said next explained everything, and as Castiel's hand reached up to touch the scar on his cheek, Dean finally understood. He gently took Castiel's hand away from his face so he could look at the scar more closely. "My dad did this to you?!" He exclaimed in horror. He was shocked, and suddenly so angry at his father he thought he was going to explode. "How did this happen?" He demanded.

Castiel's tears rolled down his cheek and onto Dean's fingertips as he pulled Castiel's hand away. He silently sobbed, shaking more than anything. "He was really drunk." he shrugged, not wanting to badmouth Dean's dad that much. He was still his father after all. "My eldest brother works at a bar not far from town. I was helping him wait tables and I got in the middle of a fight between him and some other guy." he half lied. Dean didn't need to know the full story. That sounded bad enough on it's own without the details. "Dean, I-I I'm really sorry." he sniffed, wiping his tears with his sleeve.

"Shhh," Dean soothed. He hated seeing people cry, and seeing Castiel completely undone like this was unnerving. It made his chest clench up strangely and he didn't like it one bit. Determined, he carefully placed one of his arms around Castiel's shoulders, waiting to see how Castiel would react before doing anything else. He didn't want a repeat of earlier. "It's okay, Cas. I honestly don't know why you're apologizing, though. If anyone should be apologizing, it's me."

The arm around his shoulders startled him but it soon became comforting. Something warm and solid to focus on as he dried his tears. "You've done nothing wrong." he shook his head not understanding Dean's logic. "I didn't mean to burden you with this. I- something triggered the memory and I just needed to tell you before Balthazar did." he said as calmly as he could. He didn't want Balthazar telling Dean because he would tell the story in excruciating detail and Castiel wasn't sure he could bare that The less Dean knew the better.

Dean studied him closely. Castiel was still shaking, but he looked like he was beginning to feel a little better, and Dean was relieved at that. "I'm going to have a talk with my father," Dean said quietly, firmly, "And he's going to be sorry he did this to you." He and his father hadn't ever really gotten along well since his mother's death, and this was just the final straw. He couldn't deal with his father's alcoholism anymore; something had to be done. It was putting Sam in danger, too, he realized. His arm tightened protectively around Castiel before he even realized he was doing it.

"Dean don't." he pleaded, reaching out a hand to Dean even though he was stood right next to him. "Please don't mention me." he begged, his trembling fingers grasped tightly around Dean's arm. Castiel didn't want to cause trouble. This would only make matters worse and he knew it. He finally managed to look up at Dean through tear filled eyes, using what energy he had left to ask this one favour of him. "Please."

Castiel's desperation surprised Dean, and Dean was startled when he felt Castiel grip his arm tightly, but he didn't pull away. Castiel had never voluntarily touched him in the short time they'd known each other, and Dean took a moment to be surprised, but then he turned his attention back to Cas, who needed him right now. He sensed there was something Cas wasn't telling him, something that would change everything, but he didn't ask, because Castiel obviously wished to keep it to himself. "Okay," He murmured, soothingly rubbing his hand back and forth Castiel's shoulders and back. "I won't talk to him about this, but I am definitely planning to do something about his alcoholism."

Castiel let out a low shaky breath, his grip loosening on Dean's arm as he visibly relaxed. His panic subsided as Dean comforted him by rubbing soothing circles into his back. It felt nice. He felt safe. He squeezed his eyes shut briefly, breathing steadily through his nose trying to regain control. "Thank you, Dean." he said quietly, letting go of Dean completely but not stepping away from the hand on his back.

"Are you going to be okay?" Dean asked, "I understand if you don't want to go home right now. We can go somewhere, if you want." Dean offered openly. He wanted to be there for Cas. Before they'd started talking a few days ago, Dean had never even considered what Castiel's life might be like outside of school. He'd had no idea how bad it was, and now he felt like he needed to be Castiel's friend, to protect him, especially since his dad was involved. Thinking about his father made him sick. He needed to do something about that, because if he'd attacked Cas with a knife, then who knows what else he was capable of when he was drunk?

As much as Castiel would have loved to stay away from his family. His brothers were bound to tease him if came home late. He might as well just go home now. A lot less hassle but he wanted to stay with Dean. He felt safe with him, despite who his family was. Castiel had expected him to get angry for even accusing his dad of such a thing but instead he'd comforted Castiel. Is this what having a friend was like? Castiel smiled sadly, "I should probably be getting home. Balthazar will hunt me down otherwise.." he said quite literally, looking down at the floor.

Dean sighed tightly. "Cas, I don't like this," he admitted, "I know Balthazar is your brother, but I don't trust him… Are you sure you're okay?" Dean didn't even allow himself to wonder how he'd so quickly gotten involved in Castiel's life and wanted to protect him from people who wanted to hurt him, because thinking about why he was suddenly feeling these things was going to take a lot of energy. As much as he didn't want Castiel to go home, he only wanted what was best for him, and Castiel knew what that was better than Dean did.

"Well what else can I do?" he shrugged. "I can't not go home can I?" He could only imagine what would happen to him if that happened. He was thinking perhaps china plates being hurtled at his head. Yes, that had the right dramatic ring to it that his brother possessed. He always did like to put on a show. He remembered being six years old and duct taped to the wall whilst Balthazar performed his 'knife trick'. He shuddered at the thought.

Dean watched his face darken with old memories and noticed him shiver slightly, and Dean frowned and automatically pulled him closer, so they were in a half-embrace, Dean's hand still rubbing circles into Castiel's back. "Why don't you just call them and tell them you're going out with a friend for a while?" Dean knew that probably wouldn't go over well, but he had to try.

Castiel smiled at the term friend. Dean thought him as a friend. Castiel had to resist the urge to pinch himself to check he wasn't dreaming. He twisted his lips in thought, "I doubt that would end well. They'd take it more as a challenge to come find me rather than leave me alone." he explained sadly. He really wanted to stay out with Dean. Maybe he could just take the risk, just this once. For his friend.."I guess I don't have to call them." he shrugged uncertainly.

Dean smiled in relief. "Then we'll go somewhere they won't find you." He assured, "And if they give you shit about this later, you're gonna stand up for yourself and fight back." A great idea suddenly came to him. "I know a bit about fighting," he said, "I can teach you how to throw a punch, if you want." Dean looked questioningly at Cas, who was only a little shorter than him, and looking at him uncertainly.

Castiel couldn't help but laugh "You can't be serious" Castiel was small and pathetic, the thought of standing up to his brothers was hilarious. If anything he'd throw a weak punch and get kicked until he could no longer breath or pass out. "I don't think that's such a good idea." he mutter, rubbing the back of his neck. It was tempting, certainly, but Castiel wasn't cut out to fight. It wasn't in his nature.

Dean grimaced. Okay, Castiel had two asshole brothers that liked to beat him up, and a whole horde of idiots in school who enjoyed using him as a punching bag as well, so maybe teaching Cas how to instigate a fight wasn't the greatest idea, but he still needed to defend himself. "Well, at least let me teach you some self-defense techniques, Cas." He pleaded.

Castiel was going to argue but seeing Dean's pleading green eyes..well, how could he say no. "Fine" he sighed defeatedly. He rubbed a hand over his cheek, sighing wearily. He was going to make a complete ass out of himself. Unlike Dean and his French lesson, Castiel completely sucked at physical sports. Dean could actually learn French. Where as self-defence for Castiel would be like trying to milk a cat. It just isn't going to work. But Dean was insistent and by the looks of him would not take no for an answer.

"Great." Dean beamed at him and patted him twice on the shoulder before walking around the driver's side of his car. "Let's get going. I'll show you some stuff when we get there." Dean was so relieved Castiel was going to let Dean help him. They got into the car, and Dean began driving away.

Castiel sat with his bag in his lap, his arms wrapped around it tightly and hugging it to his chest. He could feel the sharp corner of his sketchbook poking against his chest. A comforting feeling that what had been causing so much trouble lately was here with him and not left somewhere else for someone to find. "So, where are we going?" he asked looking out the window.

"A few years ago I ran away from home for a few days. I hitchhiked out into the country a little and I found this abandoned cabin by a lake," he said quietly, remembering how his Dad had come home yelling one night, drunk and angry, and Dean had picked a fight with him, ended up getting punched in the eye, and then ran out of the house, but he didn't tell this to Castiel, at least not yet. "I ended up staying there for a little while, and it's not bad. Last time I checked, nobody else had been in it, so I think it's safe." Dean hadn't told anyone else about his little cabin by the lake; Castiel was the first. He turned to look at Castiel reassuringly. "Your brothers won't find you there."

Castiel smiled as Dean told him the story. Even though it wasn't exactly a happy story, Castiel smiled because he was glad to see Dean being able to confide in him with this sort of stuff. They really were friends, weren't they? He seemed to relax a little as he was assured they'd be safe. "I appreciate this Dean. It sounds great." he smiled, staring out of the window as the town blurred past.

Dean glanced back at him, pleased to see a smile on Castiel's face. "That's better," he commented, "No more frowning. You look really nice when you smile, you should do it more." He said, intending it to be gently teasing, but it actually came out as more serious, and he blushed and looked back at the road, realising what he'd said was true.

Castiel's initial reaction was to run like he had earlier. He wondered how painful it would be to jump out of a moving car. Instead he just bowed his head, looking down at the floor and blushed crimson. His eyebrows knitted in confusion when he saw a toy soldier lying on the floor. What was Dean, six? He could help but was completely unpredictable.

Castiel actually /giggled/. Now, that made Dean blush even harder, and he risked a glance over to Cas, only to see him bending down to pick up an old plastic toy soldier from the floor of the car. Oh. Dean tensed, not knowing how to explain why he had a toy soldier in his car. "Oh, that's…." He paused, trying not to say too much, because he didn't want to think about his own problems right now. "That was my brother's, when he was little."

Castiel didn't argue with that, although Dean looked like he was hiding something from the way he tensed just slightly. He put the toy back on the floor and stared out the window still giggling slightly to himself. Once Castiel started laughing it was hard to stop. It was so rare of him to do. The sound shocked him, it was so alien to him.

There was an awkward silence between them for a while, at least until Dean noticed Castiel was still giggling quietly. He grinned in disbelief and turned to him. "Why are you laughing?" he demanded, trying to sound annoyed, but he couldn't deny the fact that he loved hearing Castiel laugh, and wasn't sure he'd ever heard him laugh this much before, even though he appeared to be trying to repress it. Soon, Dean was going to burst into giggles too. It was contagious.

Castiel wasn't even sure why he was laughing. Maybe it was just this whole situation. How only a week ago, he was a loner and being bullied senseless. Now he was.. well, okay, still being bullied but at least he had Dean now. Someone he could confidently call a friend. When Dean started laughing he couldn't help but not hold back. He had tears in his eyes and his sides were hurting from laughing so much. He hadn't felt this good in ages.

Dean was pleasantly shocked at Castiel's open laughter. It was something he'd never seen before; Castiel looking so genuinely happy and carefree, and it made Dean's heart skip a beat when he realized /he/ was the reason for it. It was like Castiel was a completely different person, and Dean just wanted to keep making him smile and laugh. He made a mental note to get Castiel to smile much more in the future. After a few more moments of hysterical laughter, both of them took deep breaths and calmed down, smiling widely. "Man, I haven't laughed that hard in years," he said, and his smile faded a little when he realized how true it was. He had his friends, sure, and he was really popular with the ladies, but he'd almost never felt this happy, at least not since his mom died and his dad turned to drinking.

Castiel seemed a bit shocked by Dean's statement. Castiel got bullied, isolated and picked on but Dean, he had everything anyone could ask for. Girls, friends..but if Castiel thought about it, he also had an alcoholic dad. He'd run away from home in the past, maybe his life wasn't as perfect as Castiel had once thought. Perhaps Dean put on a brave face and bluffed his way into popularity to hide his pain. The thought tugged at Castiel's heartstrings. Castiel smiled over Dean and thought to make sure whenever he was with him he'd make sure Dean's smiles were always genuine.

Dean smiled softly back at Castiel for a moment before turning his attention back to the road. "We're almost there," he said, "It's kind of in the middle of nowhere." Dean pulled onto a bumpy gravel road that was overgrown with weeds and tall grass and began driving slowly down it so he wouldn't damage his car. He concentrated on the road more now, being careful not to drive over any big potholes or rocks, and soon they reached the end of the road. "We have to walk from here," Dean informed Cas, pulling into a small clearing in the trees where his car would be well-hidden. "It's not far."

Castiel took in their surrounds and begun to wonder how Dean had managed to get this far out of town when he ran away. Castiel got out the car and began following Dean to the cabin he'd mentioned earlier. The place was deserted, beside the faint buzz of crickets it was completely silent. The sunlight beat down on the lake. The water glistening as the water rippled gently down south. Castiel kept as smile on his face as he walked. This was peaceful.

Dean led Castiel through the forest to the cabin, and smiled when he saw it exactly as it had been when he'd left last time. "I still come here when I just need to get away from my dad," he told Castiel, "And you're the only other person who knows about this place, now." They walked to the clearing, and Dean dropped his backpack on the ground and turned to Castiel with a small smile on his face. The sun was filtering through the trees, casting spotty shadows over Castiel's face and making his hair appear lighter than it really was, and the sunlight glinted off his blue eyes, and since when was Dean noticing Castiel's /looks/? He mentally shrugged it off and dismissed the thought. Sure, he could admit when a guy was good-looking, but wasn't attracted to them, at least he never had been before. This was no different.

Castiel looked around the place and put his backpack by Dean's. He smiled warmly when Dean said no one else knew about this place. He felt special. He'd never felt special before. It was nice. To have that kind of secret with someone. "Thank you for bringing me here, Dean" he smiled, walking around the placed and taking in the old style.

"It was the least I could do," Dean shrugged sheepishly, "And, you know, any time you want to, you can come crash here. I'll show you the inside." Dean and Castiel walked into the cabin. It only had one main room, which consisted of a double bed, a couch, and a table that had been there when Dean found the place, but he'd put clean blankets on the bed, cleared away the cobwebs, fixed the leak in the ceiling, and made it his own. He'd even stocked it with non-perishable food and water bottles in a plastic crate in the corner. There was a small bathroom in the corner of the cabin, which surprisingly still had running water. "It's not much," he said, "but if you ever need somewhere to go, you're welcome to come here." Dean was protective over this secret place, but it felt nice to share it with someone, too.

Castiel took in the sight of the place. This was not what he was expecting at all. He thought it would be empty and full of cobwebs but this, it felt comfortable and welcoming. Castiel's features softened as Dean practically welcomed him into his second home. No one had ever offered him such comfort before. He felt like he was going to cry again, it was just one of those days he mused. He hesitantly walked up to Dean and awkwardly wrapped his arms around the other, burying his face into his neck. "Thank you, Dean." he said quietly.

Dean watched as Castiel slowly walked up to him until they were standing very close, and his face was a mixture of conflicting expressions. Dean wasn't sure what was happening until Castiel slid his arms under Dean's and stepped closer until they were hugging. Well, it was actually Cas that was doing the hugging, Dean kind of just stood there in shock. Was this really the same Castiel that had flinched away when Dean tried to hug him earlier? Castiel had his face against Dean's neck, and Dean could feel his warm breath, his lips moving as he spoke against his skin, thanking him, and he also felt something else; tears. Castiel was crying again, and trembling, and Dean's arms slowly went around Castiel to return the embrace. Something in his chest tightened when Cas leaned against him more, and Dean felt protective of him, the way he'd only ever felt protective of Sam.

Castiel should have been more alert, more wary of Dean. He'd dragged him to the middle of nowhere. He could probably murder him if he wanted to. Yet, Castiel was tired of arguing with someone who genuinely wanted to help him. So that's how he ended up crying in their arms. A pure sign of defeat that Castiel now trusted his new friend. When warm arms wrapped around his middle he knew he had to calm himself. He'd be safe with Dean. He was shaking and crying and..just a complete mess. It'd been a long day, his emotions were all over the place. He could usually contain them until he was safe at night to sob into his pillow but he was tired and worn down. He could hold it any breathed through his nose shakily, trying to compose himself. He managed to detach himself from Dean to wipe his tears with his sleeve.

Cas backed away just a little, and Dean left his arms loosely around him, tilting his head down to meet Castiel's eyes. "You gonna be okay?" He asks gently, studying Castiel's tear-streaked, tired face. He'd been through a lot, and Dean wanted to make sure he would be there for Cas whenever he needed a friend. He wanted Cas to know he could turn to him if he ever had problems. Dean let one of his hands travel up to rest on the back of Castiel's neck, his fingers rubbing soothing circles into the soft hair at the base of his scalp.

Castiel nodded sheepishly, he clearly wasn't okay. His face was beginning to feel sticky from his tears, his hair was sticking up in every direction and he looked a complete mess. Yet, he could help but say yes because he certainly felt okay in Dean's arms. He knew he'd be safe. He tried patting down his hair but apparently the universes couldn't grant him one little mercy and let his hair look normal. He sighed defeatedly. He was pretty sure the universe was out to get him. "Tired" he mumbled, resting his on Dean's shoulder. Certainly a bold move for shy Castiel but he was fed up and tired and would use Dean as a pillow as long as he let him.

Dean chuckled when Castiel sighed in frustration at his hair and leaned his head against Dean's shoulder. He couldn't believe this was happening; Castiel was showing him so much trust and Dean was delighted and surprised that he'd managed to break down Castiel's walls, and Castiel had let him in. Dean gently pushed Castiel until his head was up, and they were looking at each other again, and with a fond, teasing smile, Dean started combing his fingers through Castiel's soft hair in an attempt to smooth it down for him. "If you're tired, you can use the bed and sleep for a little while," Dean offered, trying to smooth down a particularly stubborn spike of hair. "Self-defense training can wait until you feel more up to it."

Castiel blushed and smiled wearily as Dean tried to smooth down his hair. He ran a hand over his face in embarrassment as his hair would not obey, under Dean's hand. He should really invest in some hair product, he thought. Castiel laughed half-heartedly at Dean's attempts. He thought silently for a while. The idea of sleep was welcoming but he should really get back. His brothers were going to kill him when he found out where he was. But then again…Castiel walked over to the bed and flopped down on it face first, pushing his hair up even worse, not that Castiel could even care right now.

When Cas walked over to the bed and just flopped down on it, Dean looked at him in sympathy when he was sure Castiel wasn't looking. The poor guy's life was really hard; getting constantly picked on and beat up; he wasn't even safe in his own house. And, not to mention Dean's dad had cut his face with a knife. That's gotta be pretty traumatizing. Dean had done everything he could to help him; he'd even brought Cas to his secret hideout that nobody else knew about, not even Sam. But now, Dean didn't know what to do. He stood there awkwardly for a moment, and then said, "Uh, I guess I'll go outside and do some homework, let you get some rest."

Castiel was still for a while before realising how rude it must have seemed to just walk over and fall asleep. "You don't have to go" he mumbled into the pillows. He sat up a little, pushing his hair down once again. "I mean, it's your place. Don't let me make you feel uncomfortable." he said, blushing slightly. He didn't want Dean to go, he felt safe in his presence.

Dean raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Dude, if you're gonna go to sleep, I can go outside, seriously. I don't want to be creepy, or anything. You know, watching you when you're sleeping. That's pretty creepy." Dean was rambling uncomfortably, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. He wasn't sure what to do; he could go outside and lay in the sun so Cas could have some peace and quiet, or he could stay in there… but somehow he didn't think Cas wanted him to stay in there, and he was probably only saying that to be polite.

"I want you to stay" he said perhaps a little too needy than he had meant. He blushed and ran a hand over his face to hide his embarrassment. "Y'know, if you want." he shrugged, trying to act cool. He needed Dean, just for today..until he could sort out his emotions. He felt fun down, Dean's company felt nice. It helped keep him from completely breaking down and lying in a heap on the floor sobbing.

"Okay," Dean smiled slightly, happy that Castiel didn't want him to leave, and walked over to collapse on the couch. It wasn't comfortable, but it was fine, and he decided he might as well take a little nap, too. It had been a long day for both of them. He yawned loudly and shut his eyes.

"Are you sure you don't want me to sleep there?" he asked, feeling guilty. He'd practically stolen Dean's bed. "It's your place." he muttered, fiddling with the hem of his hoodie. He fiddled with his hair, not knowing what to do. "The bed's big enough if you want to sleep up here." he suggested, groaning frustratedly when he realized how stupid that sounded.

Dean didn't open his eyes, but he laughed when Cas stumbled over his words and then groaned. It was actually kind of adorable, not that Dean was ever going to admit he'd thought that. "Whatever you want, Cas," he said lightly. "I'm cool with anything." Dean laid there waiting for Castiel to respond, not knowing what to expect. Castiel was very unpredictable, and Dean found it amusing.

"Well I don't want you sitting on the couch when there's room up here. So would you just get on the bed?" he said simply, before making a strangled noise. "No, I didn't mean.." he sighed, turning crimson. Dean would know what he meant. He wouldn't mock or taunt him about it. He'd just smile that dazzling smile and quip something that would make Castiel blush. It was quite concerning how they'd managed to get into this comfortable routine but Castiel didn't want it to end.

Dean laughed a little, and raised himself up from the couch, stretching and yawning again before shuffling over to the bed and standing beside it, looking down at Castiel with a blush and a shy smile. "Okay, if you're sure this isn't weird or anything," Dean hesitantly sat on the edge of the bed and kicked off his shoes, and then laid down stiffly on his back on the covers, staring at the ceiling.

"As long as you're comfortable," Castiel muttered, pressing his face into his pillow. He was too tired to bother caring how awkward this should have been. His hair hung over his eyes, moving as he blinked sleepily. He yawned softly, stretching his limbs as he pressed into the mattress, rubbing his face against the pillow like a cat. He closed his eyes and got comfortable to sleep on the other side of the bed, giving Dean his space.

Dean stared at the ceiling awkwardly for another long moment, and then tentatively turned his head to the side to gaze at Castiel. The other boy had scooted over to the other side of the bed and was still laying on his front, but his head was turned towards Dean and his eyes were closed. Castiel's face looked tired and pained, the bruises standing out against his pale skin, and the scar was an ugly line marring his face. Now that Dean looked closer, he could see that there were other small scars on Castiel's skin, painful reminders of an unpleasant past. For a split second, Dean believed he could clear them all away with a touch, and he was almost tempted to act on this ridiculous idea, but luckily he didn't. Sighing softly to himself, Dean shifted into a more comfortable position and drifted off to sleep.

Castiel was fast asleep for a good few hours before the nightmares came. He twisted on the bed, his hands gripped tightly into the sheets as his knuckles turned white. His face looked pained, though his eyes were shut. He bit his lip so hard it almost drew blood. Sobbing and opening his mouth to scream but no words came. He tensed incredibly, frozen to the spot as he continued to sleep through his living hell. He couldn't wake up, his chest was heaving as his breaths came in short and sharp. A weak and strangled sounding "STOP" was all that passed his lips.

Dean woke up in confusion. First, he didn't know where he was, and when he realized where he was he'd forgotten why, and then when he felt another body close to him on the bed, it took him a moment to remember everything. Cas. Cas was shaking, and his face was contorted in pain and fear, and he was breathing quickly, mouthing words that Dean couldn't understand. Heart pounding in fear, Dean did the only thing he could think of to wake Cas from his nightmare; he turned onto his side and leaned on one elbow, grabbing Cas by the shoulder and pulling him closer to Dean, so he could wrap his arms around him and hold him close, stroking his back and hushing him. "Shhh," he whispered, "It's okay, Cas, it's just a dream. I'm here, I've got you…" he continued to murmur soft, comforting words into Castiel's ear as he held his trembling body.

Castiel awoke in a cold sweat, gasping as he pushed whatever was gripping onto him as far away as possible. But Dean was persistent and holding onto him tightly, whispering soothing assuring things into his ear. "Dean" he sobbed, relieved at some familiarity. He clutched onto him, his eyes wide as he shook and trembled, his body betraying him. His cheeks were soaked with his tears, Castiel was grateful for the darkened room. At least Dean wouldn't be able to see how weak and pathetic he looked. He breathed out a shaky breath as he tried to calm himself down. Using Dean's warm, solid arms to sooth him, something to focus on.

Dean's heart ached, and he pulled Castiel closer against him so their bodies were pressed together from their chests down to their knees, and just held him, not even allowing himself to think it was weird. "Breathe, Cas." he murmured against Castiel's temple, "It's all right now. You're safe, I've got you." He could feel Castiel's heartbeat jumping erratically in his chest, and feel his trembles. The room was darker now; they must've been asleep for a while. Dean knew he should probably take Cas home, or at least make Cas call his house and tell his family he was hanging out with a friend, but he didn't want to send Castiel back there after this. He'd known Cas was hiding a lot, but after this, Dean promised himself he wouldn't ever let Cas feel scared again.

Castiel licked his lip, trying to smooth out the marks he had left there. He did as instructed and did his best to regulate his breathing , letting out a sob here or there. He clutched at Dean's shirt, burying his face into the other's shoulder. He needed to hold on to Dean and never let go. He needed to make sure they were both safe. He began singing to himself, it was a way he had found to calm himself after such ordeals. His mother was never there to comfort him and his grandmother hadn't been around for years so he found himself taking over the role. He sang to himself softly in French, soon using the language to wash over him and remind him of happier times whilst wrapped in Dean.

Dean felt tears sting his eyes, and he looked up, trying to blink them away. He needed to be strong for Castiel. Keeping his arms tight around him, he began to soothingly stroke Castiel's hair, running his fingers through it in slow, repetitive motions. Castiel was singing in a soft, broken voice, in perfect French, and it was beautifully painful. It caused goosebumps to rise on the back of Dean's neck as Castiel's hauntingly beautiful voice broke the relative silence. It seemed to be calming the other boy down, and Dean breathed a sigh of relief, but didn't let go of Cas.

Castiel continued to sing. His body was coming down from the after-shock. He used the song to regulate his breathing..just about. His voice was soft and breathy, unable to go any higher in fear of breaking. He held on to Dean, keeping his friend close. His singing petered out but his French remained as he said something to Dean, so quietly that Dean may of missed him say it. It roughly translated as "Never let go." He was sure Dean wouldn't understand it, or have even heard it so returned to singing in French as if his throat were made of glass.

Dean just listened as Cas sang to himself, not really understanding the words, just listening to the sound of his voice. He sounded so raw and full of emotion, not hiding anything from him, and Dean could suddenly see how broken Castiel really was. It made the tears finally fall from Dean's eyes, and he pressed his lips to the top of Castiel's head. Then, Castiel's song was fading out, and his voice turned to a whisper, and he was speaking now. Dean didn't catch what he'd said, but it sounded like a desperate plea.

(this song just played in iTunes and it actually fits perfectly laisgjalsd watch?v=iva5OqfA1cc

Castiel's whole body relax as Dean held him close, kissing his forehead tenderly. It should have alerted him but it felt so comforting, to have someone he trusted to comfort him like continued to sing softly in French, his whole body relax and warm again Dean. He began drifting back into a half sleep, comfortable against Dean. He could feel a wet patch on his shoulder, he peered up to see Dean crying. He couldn't understand why he was crying he didn't ask why either. He just wiped away the tears wordlessly.

(Oh, well thanks. Try to kill me with sad songs why don't you? Haha, it's a good song. I like it. ANOTHER..sorry I'm watching Thor..)

Dean closed his eyes as Castiel gently wiped his tears away, his touch soft on Dean's face. He cried for Castiel because nobody else ever had. Nobody stood up for him, called him a friend, protected him, made him smile, and it hurt to think that Dean was the first person to reach Castiel like this. It wasn't fair. Castiel was such a gentle, caring soul, and it just /hurt/ to think that anyone could hate him. It made Dean's heart clench painfully, and he buried his face in Castiel's hair to hide his tears, not wanting Cas to worry, and was aware that Castiel's body was relaxing against him again, and he was warm in Dean's arms, and Dean just held him close.

(haha okay here's another since you asked so nicely watch?v=COqx-TCxrSk )

(Shit, if these guys ever get to prom I'm actually going to be a sobbing wreck. Haha. _He cried for Castiel because nobody else ever had. _You're actually killing me here, you're too good. Nice song by the way)

Castiel remained quiet, listening to Dean sob quietly into his hair. Castiel smiled sadly when a thought hit him, Dean's tears would probably be the one thing on earth to keep his hair from sticking up. That would be his lucky, anyway. He managed to loosen his grip on Dean's shirt and reach his hand up to rub his thumb in circles at the base of Dean's skull. Something he'd notice Dean do earlier so assumed it would be okay to repay the comforting gesture. Subconsciously, Castiel began humming the one song that always made him feel better. Hey Jude.

(Oh damn, I'm sorry but not really :P Thanks! And seriously, Hey Jude? Are you trying to make my feels explode? Goddammit, this is so good. You're really great, by the way. I think we write really well together and I'm excited to see where it goes from here lakdsalkgalgjf)

Dean took in a shaky breath when Cas began caressing the back of his head with his delicate, artistic fingers that were capable of so many beautiful things. But when Castiel started humming an old, familiar song that held so many memories for Dean, both good and bad, he stiffened. "Stop," he begged, his voice ragged. He didn't have to say anymore, which was good because he couldn't loosen his throat enough to say anything else. It was too painful, and he didn't want to be faced with those memories of his mom right now. It was easier to just push them deep down and ignore them.

(Oh, I went there alright. I thought, y'know. Castiel's messed up, why not Dean too? Haha, I'm just trying to cram as much intensity in as I can because I'm going to have to leave you hanging for about a week after this little back and forth for which I apologise in advance for.)

Castiel gasped, realising what he had done. He'd made a mental note to never sing, hum or even mention that song in Dean's presence but Castiel's mind was all over the shop. He was just working with what felt right, forgetting what could potentially break Dean. He stopped immediately, hearing how broken he sounded as he pleaded. "I'm so sorry." he apologized sincerely, his voice quiet and soft. Like someone had just punched the air out of his lungs. He continued rubbing the back of Dean's neck trying to comfort what he'd upset. He felt terrible.

Dean shook his head slightly and gripped Castiel tighter, letting him know he wasn't angry with him. "It's okay," Dean whispered, trembling a little. "I should probably tell you about that," he muttered. It was only fair. Castiel had told him about his troubled past, how he'd gotten the scar, and Dean felt like he should return the gesture. He trusted Cas, now that he knew Cas trusted Dean like this, and he decided he would just explain everything, if Cas wanted to hear it, which he wasn't sure he did.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to." he assured, stroking the back of Dean's neck lazily with his thumb. He felt horrible. He felt like he was pressuring Dean into sharing his most intimate secrets. He didn't want that. If Dean trusted him, he'd tell him on his own terms. Just like he had come to Dean about the scar. He managed to hold his other hand up to stroke Dean's cheek, wiping away his tears. "It's okay, Dean." he whispered with a small smile, wishing for his friend to calm down. He hated seeing him like this and it was all his fault.

Dean shivered as Cas tenderly stroked his cheek. Nobody had been this gentle and caring towards him in years; in fact, the last person to hold him and comfort him like this was his mom. "No, I want to tell you." He said shakily. He swallowed and took a deep breath and closed his eyes, letting Cas continue to touch him softly, because it felt really nice. "It's about my mom. She's dead. She died almost ten years ago." He forced the words out even though it pained him to do so, but it felt like a weight was being lifted off his shoulders. He spoke in short, clipped sentences punctuated by sobs or sniffles. "My mom… she used to sing that song to me when I was little, and ever since she died I can't get that memory out of my head, and it hurts…" He trailed off as his voice failed him, all of his muscles tensing as he trembled uncontrollably. He tried to stop crying, but that just made it worse, and soon his chest was heaving in in quick, desperate gasps. This was it, this was the mental breakdown that he'd almost had earlier, when he'd heard Castiel singing Hey Jude before. "I m-miss her, C-c-cas," Dean stuttered, unable to get in enough air. He clung to Castiel desperately.

Castiel listened as Dean sobbed and told him his story with broken words. Castiel bit back a sob of his own. This was heart-wrenching. All this time, Dean had been hurting inside but he kept a brave face for others. Except Castiel. He'd some how trusted him enough to let him in, show him his true feelings and Castiel could not feel more special and heartbroken if he tried. He held onto Dean, carefully continuing to stroke his cheek as he held the back of his neck gentle with his other hand. At a loss, Castiel began to hum softly the tune of a French lullaby. The only other soothing one he really knew to work besides Hey Jude. And he definitely couldn't use that.

Dean just let everything go. He let out all his inner tension and pain because Cas was just comforting him, not judging him, not criticizing him, just holding him gently, as if Dean was going to break, which was definitely a possibility. Dean fisted his hands in Castiel's shirt, and he wasn't pushed away. He hadn't cried this hard in a very long time, and the fact that he was doing it in front of a guy he'd met less than a week ago was shocking, but the fact that he trusted this guy with his secrets was breathtaking. What was happening? Castiel had somehow managed to work his way under Dean's armor, and even though he'd seen how broken down Dean really was, he wasn't abandoning him, and Dean was more grateful than he could put into words. "Thanks, Cas," he mumbled, beginning to calm down a bit.

Castiel didn't stop touching Dean, he continued to comfort the other as he calmed down a little. He wanted to say 'it's okay' or 'you're safe here' but it just didn't feel right. Castiel wasn't strong enough to protect Dean from the outside world all he could really do was protect Dean from himself. Stop him from turning in on himself or breaking into a million pieces. So instead, he settled for. "S'alright. I've got you." He continued to hum and caress Dean, feeling his own body calm which hopefully would enthuse Dean to too.

Finally, Dean's muscles began to relax and he let his body go lax, slumping against Castiel's warm chest. He took a deep breath, and was relieved when it didn't shake anymore, and let it out slowly. Then he took another breath, and another, and he was calm again. He opened his eyes and looked at Cas, who was only inches away. It was dark and the cabin was silent except for the sounds of their breathing, Dean's occasional sniffles, and Castiel's soft humming and gentle words. Castiel's wide blue eyes reflected the moonlight from the window, and Dean was suddenly struck by how beautiful they were. He stared deeply into Castiel's eyes, feeling slightly dizzy, but that was probably just from the tiredness or the fact that he'd just cried his heart out. It had to be.

Castiel stopped humming abruptly when he noticed Dean staring at him intently through the darkness. His breath got caught in his through and he soon began reverting back to the shy, blushing Castiel. It was insane how easily Dean's gaze could do that. He brushed his hand over Dean's cheek one last time before pulling away completely. "We should get some sleep." he suggested, leaning back properly against the pillow but staying closer to Dean than he had before..in case he needed him. The thought of Dean needing him made Castiel smile timidly.

Dean smiled sadly when Castiel backed away slightly, still gazing at him. "We sure are quite a messed-up pair, aren't we." Dean said dryly, but the sad thing was it was actually true. He sighed and relaxed into the pillow, leaving his arm draped loosely around Castiel's waist, not wanting to give up the warmth and comfort Castiel had offered to him. His cheek sunk into the pillow, and he watched Castiel timidly through his lashes. "I'm sorry about that," Dean apologized sheepishly.

Castiel smiled as the warm arm stayed around his waist. It was pleasant, he returned the favour by timidly sliding his arm around Dean's middle. He was pretty sure all his usual habits were telling him to get out of the bed and run like hell. Just a few days ago he hardly talked to anyone, now he was embracing and sharing the warmth of a bed. It was silly really. To think how far they've come. "Do you hear me complaining?" he smirked, having apparently picked up some of Dean's dry wit too it would seem. Yup, he was definitely screwed he thought as he smiled over at Dean.

Dean smiled back warmly, feeling his mood completely change. Instead of terrified, sad, and upset, he now felt calm, safe, and comfortable, especially when Castiel wrapped an arm around him in return so they were lying facing each other, bowed towards one another like parenthesis. Dean was so comfortable and happy, feelings that were relatively unfamiliar to him since his mother's death. He hadn't realized how much he'd loved doing this; he was a a serious cuddler when he was a kid, and apparently he still was. Closing his eyes and snuggling in closer, he tucked his head under Castiel's chin. "M'gonna sleep now," he mumbled.

Castiel blinked as Dean practically pressed against him and buried his head into his chest. He was still lying in the dark with Dean, right? He hoped he was because from actions alone he wouldn't have been able to say the child-like creature curled up against him was Dean. He took it as a good sign that they trusted one another. He wrapped his arms around Dean, resting his head on Dean's slightly as well as the pillow. One of his hands found Dean's hair and stroked it absently. _Goodnight Dean_, the words lost in his throat as his eyes lids grew heavy and he fell asleep.

Dean sighed contentedly as Castiel stroked his hair and settled down against him. Part of Dean still couldn't believe this was happening, but mostly, he just wanted to sleep. He was comfortable and safe in this secluded cabin in the woods, and he could allow himself to have this tonight. Castiel smelled faintly of pinecones, peppermint, and vanilla, which was an odd combination, but really good, and Dean breathed in deeply, the scent filling his nose as he fell asleep quickly.


	3. Chapter 3

Castiel awoke to sunlight peering in through the cabin and shining brightly across his face. He blinked awake and held a hand up to shield his eyes from the burning light. He groaned softly at the sheer effort it took to wake up, he was comfortable lying with his arm flung over Dean's chest. They'd shifted during the night but were still reasonably close. They needed to be getting to school soon. He prodded Dean with his hand gently, he didn't have the heart to wake him but he really needed to be getting to school. His brothers would certainly make it their mission if he didn't turn up for school let alone make it home last night. A pang of guilt rushed through him and he groaned in frustration, they're going to kill him.

Dean was vaguely aware that he was in bed with another person, and said other person was shaking him awake, which wasn't a good idea on their part. Dean frowned sleepily, but didn't open his eyes. He had two choices here; he could either dislodge the person's hand from his chest, which was trying to shake him awake, or he could just pull the other person back into the bed with him, because the other person was warm and nice and Dean didn't want to let go of them. Dean opted for the second option, and tightened his arms around the person and tugged until they collapsed on top of him with a startled noise, and suddenly, Dean was completely awake. His eyes snapped open in confusion and he looked at Cas, who was sprawled across his chest, and blushed, letting go. "Sorry," he mumbled, voice scratchy from sleep. His face felt gross; caked with dried tears from last night.

Castiel let out a yelp as he was suddenly brought down on top of Dean. He'd managed to put his hands on either side of Dean to stop from completely falling on top of him. Timid ol' Castiel was back and his face looked even more scarlet and perplexed as ever. "We need to get to school" he stated simply, managing to roll away from Dean to sit up on the bed beside him. When Dean seemed to have no intention on actually getting up he hesitantly reached out to turn Dean's head to look over at Castiel. His hair was an unruly mess, and his piercing blue eyes looking startled from the way the day had began. "Dean, school. Now." he said sharply, stressing his point.

Dean raised his eyebrows at Castiel's sudden boldness. It was amusing. And so was Castiel's completely messed up hair and wide blue eyes, and the blushing. Dean couldn't help it, he giggled. "Wow, you're a hot mess," Dean teased with a grin, sitting up and ruffling Castiel's hair even more. He was feeling better today, and this morning was already a whole lot better than his other mornings at home were.

Castiel blushed even harder when Dean ruffled his hair. He felt completely self-conscious but he knew Dean didn't mean any harm. It was just light teasing, he told himself. "Dean, just get up. We need to get to school" he stressed, getting up and off the bed with a stretch. "I have my art to finish, book club, math work..oh and a science paper.." he rambled. He knew he was rambling, he was trying to avoid what would happen when he finally saw his brothers again. If he busied himself with other things maybe it would just go away.

Dean took in Castiel's worried, anxious chatter and walked over to him, grabbing his arm lightly. "Cas." he said, and Cas stopped his rambling and looked at him. "Everything's going to be fine. I promise." He said, staring at Castiel earnestly. He knew Cas was worried about more than just schoolwork, and he needed Cas to know that he understood. "Let's go," he said, "I didn't plan for us to spend the night here, so I guess we're just going to school like this," he looked disdainfully down at his wrinkled clothes from yesterday, and he could only assume his hair was a mess and they didn't have toothbrushes. "At least I have some gum in the car," he muttered, "If we drive fast we can make it there before the bell."

Castiel didn't care about his appearance, he always looked this awful. He smiled gratefully over at Dean for understanding how important this was to him. "Thank you." he smiled shyly, trying to press down his hair and rolling his eyes at the fact he was even bothering. He subconsciously reached out to straighten Dean's clothes but stopped himself half way through patting down his shirt. He cleared his throat awkwardly, blushing ferociously as he looked up at Dean. "Sorry" he mumbled and walked away, toeing on his shoes and picking up his school bag. "Shall we?" he asked, standing by the door.

Dean blinked in surprise as Castiel began straightening out Dean's shirt, as if it was completely normal to do so, and then watched as Castiel froze suddenly, his hands awkwardly gripping either side of Dean's shirt before looking up at Dean with a horrified expression and backing away with a blush. Dean felt bad, he didn't want Castiel to feel uncomfortable around him, given what had happened the night before, so he walked up to Cas and started messing with his hair, trying to smooth it down so it looked more normal, before deciding it would look better if he just ran his fingers through it a few times and made it stand up in the front and on top a little more. "There," Dean said, backing away and smiling in satisfaction. "Now we're ready." He turned around, not waiting for Castiel's reaction, and led the way out of the cabin.

Castiel blinked as Dean fiddled with his hair and walked out the room as if it were the most natural thing to do. Castiel despite himself looked around the cabin to make sure no one had seen that. He knew this was foolish, of course but old habits die hard. He was very self-concious about everything that happened to him. He exhaled slowly, before following Dean out to his car. He got into the car hastily, not wasting a moment. He fiddled with the strap of his bag that sat in his lap nervously. He was not looking forward to seeing his brothers at school. Which was inevitable of course but what concerned him was what would happen if they found out he spent the night, alone, in a cabin…with Dean Winchester.

Dean quickly started the engine and pulled out of the woods, bumping along the old gravel road away from the cabin. He glanced at Cas uncertainly as a silence fell between them. He was very aware of the fact that they'd spent the night sleeping in the same bed after crying their hearts out and holding each other tight, and he wasn't quite sure how to act after such a revealing, emotional experience. Cas knew him now, really knew him, and Dean hadn't been prepared for what that would mean, but it wasn't entirely bad. He cleared his throat awkwardly and tried to meet Castiel's eyes. "You okay?" He asked, but what he really meant was 'Are we okay?' Cas looked nervous, staring down at his lap and anxiously playing with the strap on his bag. Dean turned his eyes back to the road, and soon they were on the old country road that led the way back to school. He sped up a little, not wanting to make the both of them late for school.

Castiel almost jumped out of his skin when Dean spoke, he was buried deep in his own mind that he'd forgotten where he was momentarily. He was too busy thinking about how much trouble he was going to be in once brothers found out where he had been. And they would find out one way or another. Castiel just prayed Balthazar was the one to find out and deal with it. He didn't even want to think about what Gabriel would do to him if he found out. He shuddered at the thought. "Fine," he said distantly. The rest of the ride was silent until they were a block away from school. "Could you stop the car, please?" Castiel said, though he wasn't asking he was practically out the door when Dean slowed down. He couldn't be seen with Dean, it'd be too obvious. He ran down the alleyways that led to the other side of the school. Not looking back, he couldn't bare to look at Dean right now. He felt bad enough that he'd just abandoned him after what had happened last night.

Dean felt the tension in the car rise, and when Cas suddenly demanded that Dean stop the car, Dean was so caught off guard that he did so, not even asking why. He wasn't expecting Cas to throw open the door and dash away as fast as he could, and it took Dean a moment to process what had just happened. "Cas!" He yelled, but the other boy had already disappeared behind a brick wall, and was probably long gone. Of course, Cas didn't reply or come back to the car, so Dean sighed in frustration and hit the steering wheel with the palms of his hands. "Shit," he muttered, feeling miserable. He'd done something wrong. He'd scared Cas off, after they'd just started trusting each other, and everything was was back to square one. Now what? Dean wanted to chase after him, but Cas obviously didn't want to be followed, so Dean reluctantly reached over and closed the passenger door, which had been left swinging open after Cas fled, and drove slowly the rest of the way to school.

Castiel was out of breath but had managed to get to the back of the school only five minutes late. Although he hated to be late, he had to admit it had the benefits of not running into his brothers in the hallway. He managed to get to French, he was about to apologise but found the teacher wasn't there. Someone was clearly watching over him today. He took his seat at the back of the class, pulling out a French novel and sat silently reading, hoping for two things. That the teacher wasn't coming and he could leave and that a certain person didn't talk to him. He wasn't sure he was ready to talk to Dean just yet. Last night had been…intense to say the least.

Dean took his time parking the car and walking into the school. He didn't care if he was late, it wasn't that unusual for him to show up to class a few minutes after the bell rang, and none of his teachers really cared anymore. He was actually kind of dreading going into French, because Cas was in that class and he didn't know what was happening right now. When he walked into the classroom, the students were talking casually and the teacher wasn't even in there. Dean stood in the doorway uncertainly for a moment when he spotted Cas in the back of the room, as usual, reading some French book. He was slouched back in his chair and the book was held up in front of his face, as if he were trying to hide, and Dean sighed again and slowly walked over to the desk in front of Cas, which was one of three empty desks in the room. Dean looked at Cas out of the corner of his eye, and it was pretty obvious that he didn't want to talk to Dean, but he couldn't just leave it like this. "Hey," he said awkwardly. "I don't know why you ran out on me like that, but whatever I did, I'm sorry. Just tell me what I did wrong." He was desperate to fix things between them, and he knew it was his fault, but he wasn't exactly sure why.

Castiel grip on his book tightened, his knuckles turning white. He really didn't want to be having this conversation, not here. He looked around the room but no one seemed to be paying them any attention. A small mercy in itself. He frowned when Dean assumed he was the one to have done something wrong. Now he just felt awful. "Dean, no. Yo-You didn't do anything wrong." he said quietly, still looking around the room before meeting the other's gaze. "I just- Balthazar or Gabriel for that matter wouldn't exactly approve of me seeing a Winchester." he explained before screwing his eyes shut and pinching the bridge of his nose. "Wait.. I didn't mean like that. I-I meant…you know what I mean." he sighed, feeling the heat creep up his neck and a pool of colour spreading across his cheeks. He was always muddling his words and rambling, it was embarrassing but he just couldn't help it. He wasn't used to talking to people. "I-I just panicked…I didn't mean to offend you." he apologized, lifting his book back up, making it look like he was ignoring Dean to anyone looking their way. Castiel had always been paranoid like that but he had a right this time when he saw Ash looking in their direction. Castiel looked between him and Dean briefly before returning to his book.

Dean just stared at Castiel, trying to hide an amused smile when Cas blushed and attempted to clarify what he'd meant by 'seeing a Winchester'. It was actually kind of adorable. "What, are you saying we shouldn't hang out anymore? I don't want to get you in trouble, but you can't just let them control your life like this. You should do what you want, Cas." It saddened Dean to think that he might not be able to talk to Cas anymore, but he really didn't want Balthazar or Gabriel to beat their brother up anymore. "I can still teach you those self-defense moves," he offered quietly, leaning in closer but not looking directly at Cas when he saw that the other guy was trying to be conspicuous about talking to him.

"No" he blurted out, a little too loudly. No one seemed to care though, it was just Castiel being paranoid. "No, I-I like hanging out with you." he said quietly. He hadn't even thought about not seeing Dean. He'd finally found someone he could trust and he wasn't going to let him go that easily, not after last night. If it meant getting beaten up more by his brothers then he'd take it if it meant he got to see Dean. He just wanted to avoid it for as long as possible first, hence why he ran off this morning. "It's only another year." Castiel shrugged. "My brothers are going to live with Michael after they graduate. I'll be free to go to college, away from them. I can endure another year." He had tolerated his brothers torment his whole life, what harm could another year do?

Dean looked at Castiel carefully, studying his face. There were still bruises there, and Dean realized that he was used to it, and the thought made him sick. "It's bad, isn't it," he said solemnly, staring deeply into Castiel's eyes with understanding. "It's not… it's not fair, Cas. You shouldn't have to be afraid of your own family." Dean was overcome with the urge to protect Castiel, to take his friend away from his shitty life and make him happy. Dean wanted to see him smile freely and not be worried about going home, but there wasn't much he could do that he hadn't already done. "Your brothers are dicks," he growled lamely, frowning at the floor in defeat. "I'm really sorry, Cas." He knew that just talking to Cas was putting them both in danger, but he definitely wasn't going to abandon Cas, even if it would protect both of them from his brothers.

"It's fine. They're just protective…in their own little psychotic, idiotic minds. After what happened with your da-" Castiel stopped himself short. His hand instinctively reaching up to touch his scar but knew Dean would see him so moved his hand to run through his hair, causing it to stick up uncontrollably. "Shit." he sighed, why couldn't one thing go right for him? Even Dean, the one positive thing in his life was surrounded by inevitable pain and suffering. Dean was right, it wasn't fair. Castiel bit his lip, he hadn't meant to curse. He'd been brought up better than that. At least someone in their family had manners. He looked around the room, the teacher still hadn't turned up and most people were giving up and leaving. Castiel didn't think this was such a bad idea. "I need some air." he muttered, shoving his book into his bag and swinging it up on to his shoulder and standing up to leave.

Dean's breath hitched a little when Cas started to mention his dad, and that right there was the problem. "Wait." Dean said firmly when Castiel started to leave, grabbing his wrist to stop him. "Tell me what really happened," he commanded gently. He knew that there had to be something else to the story; Dean knew his dad was an on and off alcoholic, but something didn't add up. First of all, Dean couldn't see John attacking a kid with a knife just because he was drunk, and secondly, there appeared to be some huge hidden family feud that Dean was entirely confused about. "I need to know what happened," he asked, softening his tone a little, but not loosening his grip. "Please, you can trust me, I swear."

"I trust you," Castiel stressed, after how much Dean had opened up to him last night he trusted him with his life. If Dean was playing him the fool then Dean deserved an Oscar, but he was pretty sure Dean was sincere and trusted Castiel just as much in return. He bit his lip, looking around. Everyone had already left, Castiel sat back down with heavy shoulders. He exhaled shakily as he ran a hand through his unruly hair. "My dad is…he's not exactly… I don't know what happened but Balthazar said your dad and my dad had this huge fight. I guess he just took it out on me." he shrugged, he hated lying to Dean but what else could he do? He couldn't tell him the truth, Dean would run for the hills and never speak to him again.

Dean eyed him suspiciously. "You've never mentioned your dad before," he commented carefully, "Does he not approve of us being friends, too?" Also, it seemed just wrong that his dad would take out his anger on the man's son, his dad wasn't like that. Dean cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "Look, I'm not trying to defend my dad here, but he wouldn't attack you if he was in a fight with your dad, Cas. He's not like that, he'd never hurt someone for no reason. There has to be something else," he prodded gently, not wanting to make Cas feel uncomfortable, but he couldn't not know anymore. It was something bad, and nothing made sense, and Dean just wanted to help. He pulled at his hair frustratedly and bit his lip, staring at Castiel's hands.

"You never asked." he shrugged defensively. Castiel had always been a rubbish liar, he could see his tale falling apart. He should have just refused to talk about it but that wouldn't be fair. Dean should know, he told him about his mom. He sighed wearily, this wasn't going to be easy. He looked down at his hands, unclenching and clenching them purely to have something to distract himself with. "He caught me drawing something at the bar one night - I was waiting for Zachariah to finish his shift - he asked me about it. Accused me of being a homosexual. Turns out your dad doesn't like them too much." he chuckled bitterly. He explained as quickly and with as little detail as possible. He wasn't ready to tell Dean completely yet.

Dean frowned in surprise and confusion. "What?" he asked dumbly. This is completely different from what Cas had been trying to tell him earlier. "I don't- wait, what were you drawing?" He demanded, having to find something in this that made sense. He never knew his dad was homophobic, and it's not like it mattered to Dean anyway because Dean had always had girlfriends in the past. John had never mentioned his disapproval of gay people, and Dean hadn't ever found anything wrong with gay people; he'd actually had a few gay friends; Charlie, a girl in his history class, was a lesbian, and she was really nice and Dean enjoyed spending time with her, so it didn't make sense to him how his Dad could have anything against it. And… wait, was Cas actually gay or did John just think he was?

"Dean please don't make me say it," Castiel pleaded, he refused to look at Dean. He was pretty sure this was the most embarrassed he had ever felt. He wished the ground would just open up and swallow him whole. He remembered every moment of that night, what Mr Winchester had said to him. He still had nightmares about it sometimes but he wouldn't tell Dean that's what had kept him up last night. This was not Dean's burden to carry. He picked up his bag and headed for the door again, avoiding Dean at arms reach to make sure he wasn't stopped this time. He felt hot, the room felt like it was getting smaller. The walls closing in on him, he needed to get out away from everything. He knew Dean was just trying to help, to understand but it was too much to bare. He couldn't relive it, it was too much to ask.

"Cas." Dean murmured, feeling lost. He hadn't meant to hurt his friend, he was just trying to figure out what had happened so he could help, if possible. He quickly stood up, knocking over his chair in the process, as he stumbled over to the door and stood in front of it, blocking Castiel from running away from him again. "Listen, I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to! Just… I'm worried about you, Cas. You're my friend, and I don't like seeing you get hurt. "I'm… I'm really sorry about what happened to you, and you should know that I'm not at all like my dad, you can trust me. I promise, Cas." Dean was desperate now, and his face felt flushed with anxiety and stress, and he was blocking the door, staring at Cas, waiting for him to shove Dean out of the way or hit him or something, and Dean knew he deserved this.

Castiel sighed when Dean moved in front of him, he really should have seen it coming. Dean was persistent he'd give him that. "I know you're not like him. I do trust you, Dean." he said quietly. He saw how much this was upsetting Dean, he didn't want this to come between them. It was hurting Dean just as much as Castiel if Dean's face was anything to go by. It broke Castiel's heart. This was all his fault, he should never have said anything. "Dean…" he began, rubbing his scarred cheek sub-consciously. "…I'm sorry." He reached out his hand in a half-hearted attempt to move Dean but gave up when he ended up just leaning against him. His head against the other's shoulder. God he was a mess, couldn't even keep it together for more than five minutes.

Dean tensed and held his ground when Cas began pushing him, but he quickly gave up and just leaned against Dean, and Dean was completely caught off guard. He'd been expecting a much more violent reaction from Cas, not this, and Dean wasn't sure what to make of it. Castiel's face was buried in his shoulder, and Dean could feel his warm breath through the material of his shirt. "Uh…Cas?" Dean asked uncertainly, placing a hand awkwardly on his back. It was obvious that Cas really did trust him, and that made Dean feel better, but he still wanted to know more about what had happened to Cas, because nothing made sense right now. Dean didn't say anything, just waited for Cas to do or say something, because Dean didn't want to push his boundaries any further.

"It was a picture of you." Castiel explained, his voice barely above a whisper. He didn't say anything else, didn't need to really. He managed to stand up properly by himself and blinked a few times, determined he wasn't going to cry this time. He looked over his shoulder and contemplated jumping out the window, he certainly didn't have the energy or the heart to get Dean to move. He looked at his feet, unsure how to approach Dean after this. He was pretty sure Dean would leave, it would probably be easier. It's not like he'd want to ever see Castiel again, not after this.

Dean's eyebrows rose and his mouth dropped open slightly and he removed his hand, but he didn't back away at all. He looked at Castiel, but Castiel wasn't looking back at him, and Dean didn't know what to say or what it meant. "Oh," he managed lamely. It still didn't make sense though. Looking at the scar on Castiel's face, Dean could tell it didn't happen too long ago, but it was well-healed and didn't look very new either, and it had been there before they'd met. "My dad never told me," he said, "I… I had no idea. He hurt you because you were… drawing me?" This was getting just a little bit awkward, and Dean was tempted to just run away and not deal with what any of this might mean, but he couldn't.

"He was drunk, I've observed enough people to understand you become over protective when inebriated." he stated, finding his shoes the most interesting thing ever at this very moment. "I guess he just got a bit upset when he found some gay kid drawing his son." he said, his voice a little bitter and hurt. "It doesn't matter..could you move, please. I should probably get going." he lied, he had nothing to do after French, he just wanted to run away from Dean and all his problems and never return. The escape out the window was becoming more appealing with every passing second.

Dean ignored Castiel's request to move, and stood firmly in front of the door. Cas was gay. Cas was drawing a picture of him. Well, that meant that… No. Not thinking about that stupid dare right now, there were more important things to focus on here. "Cas, I honestly don't care if you're gay. What my dad did was wrong, and we all know it, and don't you dare just brush it off and say it was because he was drunk." He paused, wincing when he realized that sounded a bit harsh, and then tentatively touched Castiel's chin and tilted his head up so their eyes met. "Listen, Cas. It's fine, okay? I don't mind. You're still my friend." He said softly, staring at Cas desperately, trying to make him understand.

Castiel frowned, they were still friends? He couldn't believe it, Dean was sincere. He wanted to stay with Castiel. He couldn't understand what he'd done to deserve someone as honest and kind as Dean. He froze, his eyes widened as he played the last few minutes back over in his head. He put his head in his hands, covering his face groaning in frustration. "It was my art." he tried to explain. "I didn't- it wasn't …it's the one you saw —in my sketchbook. I didn't … I'm not" he babbled, he didn't want Dean to think he was some creep drawing him all the time. It was one picture he'd done for anatomy study that had already gotten him in more trouble this week than he cared to mention. "Sorry." he muttered weakly, his cheeks turning pink.

"Relax, it's fine!" Dean said, frowning in concern and holding his hands up in a calming gesture. "It's okay, Cas. You're… you're actually a really good artist," he admitted, blushing as he remembered how carefully detailed and precise the sketch was. Cas looked absolutely mortified, and Dean was doing his best to reassure him, but this was awkward for him too, so he didn't know what exactly to do or where to look or what to do with his hands. They were still standing facing each other in front of the door, and Dean really hoped nobody would come in right now, because then Cas would definitely run away.

"Thank you." he replied sheepishly, running a hand through his hair. Castiel began fiddling with the cord on his hoodie, he needed to get out of this room. Away from Dean, this was all too much he couldn't breath. It wasn't Dean that was the problem, it was Castiel. He wasn't used to people being so nice to him. He felt uncomfortable, it was an alien feeling and he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do with it. So, as usual, he panicked and did what no other normal person on Earth would do; he jumped out the window and ran away from his problems.

"Okay, so — Holy shit!" Cas had literally just sprinted across the room and jumped out the window like he was in an action movie. Dean ran over and leaned out, looking down at Cas. "Jesus! Are you okay?!"

Castiel ignored Dean's concerns and headed for the back field of the school. Everyone would still be in class so he'd be safe out here for a while. He managed to get half way across the field before his knees gave way and he collapsed in a heap on the grass. His tears rolled down his cheeks as he sobbed uncontrollably. He curled up on himself, into a protective ball. It was too much, all these emotions he'd managed to repress and keep hidden for so long were now flowing out of him. He was over-whelmed and tired. He just wanted his grand-mére back, she made everything okay.

Dammit," Dean muttered under his breath as Castiel ignored him and kept running until he was out of sight around the corner of the building. He sighed and ran his hands over his hair roughly, turning away from the window and leaning against it, staring at the ceiling. What the hell was he going to do now? Cas kept running away from him, maybe he just wanted Dean to leave him alone for once? Dean guiltily realized how persistent he was being, and it occurred to him that Cas might not want all the attention. Dean looked at the clock. The period wasn't even halfway over, and all the other students were in classes except for the ones in the French class; Dean had no idea where they'd all gone. He sighed again and climbed out of the window, jogging in the direction Cas had gone. Dean knew he wasn't wanted, but he needed to make sure Cas was okay, because this was obviously a very big deal. He'd have to deal with Cas being angry at him for following, but he didn't care about himself right now. All that mattered was Cas.

Dean turned around the corner where he'd seen Cas go, and then looked around at the field. There, in the middle of the field, Castiel was lying curled up on the ground. Dean panicked and ran towards him, stopping only when he could hear Cas crying softly, and Dean shivered in the chilly air. He didn't say anything to announce his presence, simply knelt down beside Cas and placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly.

Castiel jumped out of his skin, wincing and bracing himself to get a full on attack by Balthazar or Gabriel but nothing came. He risked opening one eye, to find Dean knelt beside him. He groaned in annoyance, "Can't I wallow in my own self-pity for five minutes?!" he complained between gulps of air. He wiped at his eyes, causing the skin to look irritated and red. His eyes blood shot, making his usual bright blue eyes look dull in comparison. To put it simply: he looked a mess. "Dean, please." he whined. "You don't need to do this." He still couldn't understand why Dean was being so nice and considerate towards him. Even after everything he'd just announced to him. He had looked just as uncomfortable as Castiel had, he should have taken Castiel's departure to his advantage and ran in the opposite direction.

"I know," Dean said gently, "I /want/ to. And I'm not just gonna let you stay out here all by yourself in the cold." He pulled Castiel up until his back was resting against Dean's chest, and wrapped his arms around Castiel's chest, just holding Cas as he shuddered and gasped, tears still running down his face. "I need to know if you're gonna be okay, Cas," he murmured into Castiel's ear, closing his eyes against his own tears that were threatening to fall. He hated seeing people he cared about cry, it made him feel like crying, too. "I know you don't want me here right now, but I can't leave until I'm sure you're okay."

"You're the first person I've ever told on my own terms." Castiel uttered quietly, not bothering to protest when Dean embraced him from behind. Dean would only argue even more, Castiel didn't have the energy for that. "You didn't hit me or pull a knife on me. You accepted me…I know when it's put in those terms you'd think it's a positive outcome. But when you've spent your whole life acclimatising to pain and hate.. sincerity and kindness can comes as a bit of a shock." he sniffed with an empty chuckle. "So if you class sitting in the school field sobbing 'okay'. Then I'm just fucking dandy." Castiel spat. It wasn't Dean's fault, but he was angry and upset with everything that was his life. After bottling it up for so long it seemed Castiel had reached his limit and was now taking it out on the one person who was trying to help him.

Dean let go of Cas and moved to sit in front of him on the ground, because this was a conversation they needed to have face-to-face. "Cas, look at me! You need to stop with the pity party, because I get it, okay? I get it. Yeah, I know your life sucks, and I know you're gay, I know my dad assaulted you and your brothers are fucking /assholes/, but none of that changes my opinion of you. You don't trust me, fine. We've known each other for a week, Cas, I don't expect you to believe that I actually care about you, because you want to always think the worst, and you don't even see what's right in front of you!" Dean was breathing hard by the end of his rant, staring wide-eyed at Castiel. Shit. He hadn't meant to yell at the guy. He stared at him and swallowed, waiting for the inevitable. Cas was going to get up and run away again, and this time he /really/ wouldn't want to be followed. Great. Dean had really done it now.

Castiel was quite for a very long time. He contemplated running but Dean would just follow him, he would always follow him. So instead he spoke as softly as possible, staring vacantly at Dean. "You don't get it, as much as I appreciate all that you've done for me and how much you have trusted me you will never get it. You're handsome, popular and smart..a lot more than you give yourself credit for. Life is a breeze for you. You're family might have gone through a lot too but they're always there for you. What you have with your brother…I would spend an eternity kissing my brother's shoes just in the hope I could have half of what you have with your brother. I even thought after last I might even get that chance yet. So maybe I am a little skeptical about seeing what's right in front of me as something good for a change because I don't want to get hurt again." His last words came out strangled as fresh tears slid down his face.

Dean's heart constricted at the raw pain and fear in Castiel's eyes, and he felt all the anger just disappear from him. "Oh, Cas," he murmured sadly, not knowing what he could do to take some of Castiel's sorrow away. He settled for reaching for Castiel's hand and holding it gently, carefully, as if it would break, and so Cas knew he could pull away if he wanted. "I promise I won't hurt you." He whispered, realizing how close he'd come to doing just that. Ash and his other friends, if Dean could really call them that anymore, were going to be so disappointed in him when he told them the dare was off. He couldn't do that to Castiel; it wouldn't be fair. And Dean wanted more than ever to be genuine and to be Castiel's friend. Like it or not, Cas needed him. They needed each other, and Dean wasn't going to throw that away. He'd taken all this time to gain Castiel's trust, and it had been eye-opening. There was no way Dean could back out now, even if he wanted to. They were already tangled up together, they knew each other's biggest secrets.

Castiel looked down at their hands, sniffing a little. He managed to squeeze Dean's hand lightly, reassuring him as much as himself. "I know you won't. I trust you, Dean." He gave a small smile, wiping his tears with his free hand. "One of these days I am going to look presentable." he joked, gesturing to his hair and trying to lighten the mood that he had practically squished with all his tears.

Dean looked at him cautiously, not wanting to say anything to set Cas off again, but it looked like he was beginning to calm down. He looked a little more confident now, but Dean didn't let go of his hand just yet. They still had some issues to talk about, but they'd covered most of the important stuff, and things seemed to be okay between them now. "You look fine, Cas." he said, rolling his eyes with a smile before taking his other hand and ruffling Castiel's hair even more. He spiked it up into a mohawk and giggled. "There, much better." He just wanted to make Cas smile again.

Castiel let out a small laugh as he exhaled, a stray tear rolling down his cheek. He smiled at Dean's kookiness, he was like no one he'd ever met. He could make Castiel go from tears to laughter with the blink of an eye. It shouldn't have been possible but it was, and Castiel was grateful for it. He could use a friend like Dean. "Thank you" he smiled softly, squeezing Dean's hand before letting go of it.

"No problem," Dean said lightly, and then turned more serious. "You know, if you ever need to talk about… anything, don't hesitate, okay, Cas?" Dean still didn't know what to do with the fact that Cas might actually… have feelings for him, even though that's what had originally been intended when he'd started talking to Cas on the dare. Now, though, he wasn't sure what to make of it. He looked at Castiel for another moment and then patted him reassuringly on the arm before standing up.

Castiel smiled and leant back into the grass, looking up at the bright sky. He winced at the new angle, the light seeming to burn his eyes but after taking a moment to adjust to the light he sighed, watching the clouds roll past. Everything seemed so much simpler, away from it all. Now he felt safer knowing Dean would be there for him whenever the universe decided it was time to dump another set of issues on him. But at the moment, he was happy and felt peaceful. His biggest worry was when that feeling would end.

Dean just llooked down at him for a moment before saying, "Are you coming back to class, or are you just gonna lay there all day?" He didn't need to tell Cas that whatever he wanted to do was fine, and Dean would be with him. He simply watched Cas looking up at the sky, the blue reflected in his eyes as the sunlight turned his pale skin rosy. And these were the kind of thoughts that had Dean questioning his sexuality. He couldn't believe he was noticing these things, and he told himself it had to be because Cas was gay and he was wondering what Cas thought about him. He quickly cleared those thoughts out of his mind and looked down at his shoes, confused.

Castiel looked up at Dean, tilting his head back to see him. "I have art." he replied, "As long as my project is in by Monday, MissHarvelledoesn't 't mind." She was a really nice teacher, she understood that Castiel needed his space. Which he supposed in return she was allowed to call him Clarence despite his protests. He reached for his bag, not really making an effort to pull out his sketchbook. He was content to just lie their, looking up at the clouds. He looked back up at Dean when he saw how..off he looked. "Are you okay?" he asked with concern, sitting up on his elbows.

Dean snapped out of it and looked up at Cas, slightly alarmed. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said quietly, going over to sit beside him on the grass again, squinting in the sun. "I've got gym, so it doesn't matter if I skip." He lied. Dean flopped back beside Cas on the grass, and their arms touched slightly. The sun made him screw his eyes shut, and he lifted a hand to put it over his face.

Castiel thumped his head back down against the grass, not arguing with Dean on that one. He was gong to mention that he didn't need to do gym judging by his muscles but thought better of it. Castiel sighed and reluctantly sat up and reached for his sketchbook. He began roughly sketching out a figure, using Dean sat beside him as a reference. He then began adding in wings behind. The figure was disfigured and lying on the floor the wings burnt out and smoke rising from where they had previously been on fire. He stuck his tongue out in concentration as he continued to draw.

Without opening his eyes, Dean knew that Cas had sat up and was drawing in his sketchbook now. The sounds of the pencil on the paper were soothing and repetitive, and Dean sighed and enjoyed the feeling of the fresh air. He opened his eyes and turned to look at Castiel then, and was surprised to see Cas sitting facing him, frowning down at his sketchbook with his tongue sticking out. Dean stifled a laugh at how ridiculously focused Castiel looked, it was really amusing. He was curious about what Cas was drawing, but his suspicions were cleared when Cas looked up and let his eyes travel down Dean's body before looking back at the paper, then at Dean again, then back. Dean couldn't help it, he giggled. "Paint me like one of your French girls, Jack," he said in a girly voice, mocking Titanic.

Castiel laughed and blushed a little, "Sorry, I just needed the proportions" he giggled. He had finished the rough version, the shapes of the body and wings just right, he pushed down harder on the page. Causing deeper, smoother lines to appear, shaping the template to create the finale image. The body was in roughly the same position as Dean but the skin burnt and singed in places. The wings curled around the body, feathers missing and the skellington of the wing visible in some places. It took Castiel about twenty minutes before he was happy with his work.. it was just a concept. He would do the fine art version on bigger paper some other time. "The fallen angel." Castiel smile sadly, taking pity on his creation.

Dean rolled over onto his stomach and propped himself up on his elbows, looking at the sketchbook curiously. "Can I see it?" He asked carefully, watching Castiel's expression. He was smiling, but there was a deep sadness in his eyes, something that Dean didn't understand, and it made him feel cold. He didn't want to see that look in Castiel's eyes anymore. He wanted to distract Cas, make him happy, make him feel important, like he had a friend.

Castiel nodded and turned the sketchbook for Dean to see, smiling a little as Dean tried to peer over the sketchbook like an enfant. There wasn't a single angel in his sketchbook that was happy, each one revolved around his moods. Which, of course, mainly consisted of him being sad. But today was different. The angel, of course was torn, broken and as aesthetically pleasing as a rock but the fragile and majestic creature still managed to create this form of painfully beautiful emotions that flowed within Castiel. Through all the pain and hurt he'd managed to get something good out of this; Dean. That's what today's angel represented and Castiel was proud of it. He flopped back down on the grass, sighing contently.

"Wow," Dean murmured, taking the sketchbook and turning it around so he could look at it more closely. Castiel was really talented. The drawing was beautiful, and Dean recognized his own body in it, but it definitely wasn't him. This was something Castiel had drawn out from within himself, something so personal and deep that Dean almost didn't want to look at it. "This is amazing, Cas." He breathed, looking up at Cas again, who was laying on the grass again beside Dean. Dean put the sketchbook on the ground and laid his head down on his arms, looking at Cas. "/You're/ amazing." He said softly, not even caring that he sounded like a total sap. Cas needed to hear it from someone, because he probably never had, but the main reason Dean had said it was because it was true.

Castiel turned a nice shade of crimson, he told himself it was the cold air but even the voice in his head had laughed trying to say that was the truth. "Thank you, Dean." he smiled sheepishly, turning his head to look over at Dean briefly. He would argue that he wasn't /that/ good but knowing Dean, he would only argue and lecture him until Castiel finally gave in. "You're a good model…y'know, when you're not pretending to be Kate Winslet." he grinned, giggling quietly to himself.

Dean struck a seductive pose like in the movie, fluttering his eyelashes. "I want you to paint me with my necklace," he said in a breathy, high-pitched voice, then said in a slightly more suggestive tone, "/Only/ the necklace," He wasn't sure if that was how the line actually went, but it was pretty embarrassing that he could quote Titanic.

Castiel snorted out a laugh, holding his sides in fear of splitting them. He almost shocked himself how much he was laughing, only Dean could make him feel this happy. It was a good, light feeling and he drank in every bit of it while it lasted. "Titanic a favourite of yours then?" Castiel asked once his laughter subsided a little.

Dean shoved him half-heartedly, making a face. "God, no." He retorted. "Worst movie ever." He realized he was blushing, and couldn't hide it, which made it even worse, but he giggled and hid his face in the sleeve of his hoodie. He'd succeeded in making Castiel laugh, and it made Dean feel giddy with happiness. Dean would willingly be the butt of all of Castiel's jokes if it meant he was happy.

"I'm pretty sure Phantom Menace is worse." Castiel chipped in, chuckling softly. He watched as Dean tried to hide his blush, he smiled softly. This was the Dean that he liked best. The one that didn't put on a front for others, didn't try to be cool or be the class clown. He was just himself and Castiel couldn't help but smile at the fact that Dean trusted him enough to see this side of him.

Dean huffed a laugh and looked back up at Castiel. "This is nice," he said dreamily, without really thinking, and then he realized he'd have to clarify for that to make sense. Crap. He blushed again and cleared his throat. "I mean, you know. Just… hanging out with someone who actually /gets/ me," he admitted. Not many of his friends really understood about his home life, and he never talked about his mom. It occurred to him that maybe he hadn't ever had many real friends, only a few in his life that he still had, and it was nice to have a mutual understanding with someone. He and Cas understood each other, somehow, and after everything they'd been through in their short friendship, it was different than any other friendship he'd ever had before. "You know, it's like… okay, this is gonna sound lame, but it's like we share a more profound bond…" he trailed off, not really knowing what he was talking about anymore, he couldn't really put it into words.

"A profound bound." Castiel repeated, trying the words out. He nodded slightly, smiling "Yeah, I like it. A profound bond." Castiel had never really had friends, so he'd never really had inside jokes, secrets or sayings. Now, now he had Dean to do all that stuff with. He couldn't stop the large grin stretching across his face. He was so happy, he just wished he didn't have to go home soon. Face his brothers, his dad. He sighed but he was still smiling. His brothers would have to physically beat this good mood out of him.

Dean smiled widely at Castiel's approval. Okay, so that was what they had. A profound bond. Dean thought about it, and it actually fit pretty well, and Cas liked it, so that basically meant Dean liked it too. It was really good to see Cas smiling again so soon after being angry and upset. They were like that, always going back and forth with their emotions, and it was exhausting, but at least they could be real around each other. But then, a thought occurred to him, and his smile faded. "Did you talk to your brothers yet?" He asked with quiet concern.

Castiel spoke to soon, it would only take seven words to change his mood. His smile faltered, "I haven't seen them today." He wasn't sure whether he wanted to either but he supposed the longer he put it off the worse it would get. "I don't know what to say to them." he admitted. It didn't have to be a secret, he could say he stayed over at Dean's but that wouldn't exactly sound good. Especially after they'd told him to stay away from the Winchesters, and what happened at the bar. He groaned in frustration, sitting up. Not even fluffy clouds could solve this.

Dean sighed nervously and sat up, resting his chin in his hand and looking at Castiel thoughtfully. "Just do whatever you need to do, Cas. I'll back you up if you want," Dean offered, desperate to do anything he could to help Cas through this. He knew that Cas was risking a lot just by talking to him, and it wasn't going to be pretty when Balthazar and Gabriel found out about this. An idea popped into his head suddenly, and he stood up quickly with an excited smile. "Come on, I'll teach you how to not get your ass kicked in a fight."

Castiel made a disgruntled noise, "I don't know, Dean. I don't want to hurt them." Despite how much his brothers abused him, he could never bring himself to hit them back. They were his brothers after all. Castiel told himself he was being the bigger man but deep down he knew he was the pathetic one who couldn't even punch someone when they deserved it. He still sat on the grass, uncertain about all this. Dean's excited smile only made him feel uneasy, like he wanted him to fight back. He couldn't.. they were his family.

"Cas. Come /on/! You can't let them keep doing this! You've gotta stand up for yourself. They might actually leave you alone when they realize you'll defend yourself and fight back for once." He softened his tone a little, looking down at Cas with understanding. "Look, you don't have to if you don't want to, but I just don't want you to get hurt. You don't need to hurt them, just learn how to protect yourself, you know?"

The idea sounded a little more appealing when Dean put it like that. "How do you protect yourself without hurting others?" he asked curiously getting to his feet. He'd just assumed you punched them back. That not what Castiel wanted to do at all. The less violence, the better. His hands by his side he looked over at Dean. "So what do I have to do?" he asked.

Dean grinned triumphantly when Cas stood up and faced him. "I'll show you," he said, changing his stance and stepping closer so they were face-to-face. "Punch me. Right here." He turned his head to the side and pointed to his cheekbone expectantly.

Castiel blinked, "Dean, I'm not going to punch you." He bit his lip worryingly, looking were Dean asked him to hit him. Dean said he didn't have to hurt anyone. Maybe he'd stop the punch. He raised his hand up hesitantly and half-heartedly made a fist and threw it in Dean's direction.

Dean rolled his eyes slightly when Castiel initially refused, but when Cas actually started to hit him, Dean grinned again and raised his forearm, knocking Castiel's hand away easily. "See?" He said. "That's a block. Basically. All you have to do is just anticipate the attacker and then shield yourself. Not that hard." He smiled reassuringly at Castiel.

"Okay," Castiel nodded, still uncertain about that whole thing. He was pretty sure any feeble attempts he did to defend himself would only cause his brothers to become angry and frustrated and be more motivated to kick the living daylights out of him. He gave Dean a small smile and put his hand back by his side.

Dean simply looked at Castiel for a minute, weighing up his options. Castiel didn't seem too motivated about this. "Your turn," he muttered. Taking a deep breath and realizing Cas would probably hate him for this, Dean raised his fist and quickly aimed for Castiel's cheek, hoping desperately that Castiel wouldn't let himself get punched in the face. Dean really wanted to see what he would do.

Castiel flinched, screwing his eyes shut and waiting for the inevitable. He couldn't help it, it was force of habit for him to suck it up and take the hit. Dean would be upset with him for not trying to protect himself but the little voice in his head kept telling him he'd probably done something to deserve the hit anyway. He tried to ignore the voice but it was always there, niggling away in the back of his mind.

When Dean realized Cas wasn't going to try to block the punch, he stopped his hand inches away from Castiel's face in a fraction of a second and groaned quietly. "Come on, Cas," he said, dropping his hand to his side. "I'm sorry," he murmured, looking at Castiel's terrified face, and felt guilty. "You know I wouldn't hurt you, right?" He sighed in mild frustration. It occured to him that what Castiel probably needed was some therapy, from what Dean had witnessed about his life, but there was no way he could give that to Cas, so he was trying to help in the only way he knew how. "Fine, you don't have to fight, but you should know this; if your brothers hurt you, they'll have to deal with me."

"I'm sorry, it's just not in my nature." he sighed frustratedly, he wished he could be as big and strong as Dean but he wasn't. He just had to live with who he was. His eyes widened when Dean suggested getting involved. "Dean, don't." he pleaded. He bit his lip nervously, "You'll make it worse. You'll only convince them you're like your dad." he argued. "Can't you just let it go?" He remembered how his brothers had talked about keying Dean's car. He hated to imagine what they would do if he actually tried to stand up for Castiel.

Dean looked up at the sky and raked his hands over his head. He let out a noisy breath. "Cas, I can't just…" He sighed and tried again. "I know they hurt you. I can't just stand by and do nothing while you go home to that everyday and come back the next with fresh bruises. I can't just let it go!" Dean paused for a breath and to collect his thoughts, and then looked into Castiel's eyes again, shoving his hands into his pockets. "My dad attacked you because you were drawing a picture of me," he said quietly, "I want to attack your brothers because they're hurting you. I'm not like my dad."

"I know you're not like your dad." he stressed, wanting Dean to understand in no way did he think he was like his father. "That's just not how my brother's will see it. They'll see another Winchester trying to cause trouble." he explained. Castiel looked behind Dean and could see people milling about for what he assumed was next lesson. "I gotta go, just promise me you won't start anything." Castiel said seriously. He was pretty sure he could see Balthazar walking past, whether he'd noticed them yet he wasn't sure.

Dean stood silently for a moment, but when Cas started to leave, he quickly said, "Cas, wait. I have to ask you something." Dean didn't look at him. He tried to find the best way to word his question; it was something that had been bothering him for a while. "Why do your brothers beat you up?" So far, he hadn't been able to think of any explanation, but he was beginning to wonder if it was because Cas was gay, but he didn't want to ask him. He wanted Cas to be able to say it for himself, although he wasn't actually expecting an answer.

"I guess it's cause I'm the youngest." he shrugged, he was pretty sure Dean knew why. He certainly wasn't going to say it out loud. His brothers had never actually said why but Castiel knew what they were thinking. He knew it was because he was gay. "I have to go" he said quietly, excusing himself before picking up his bag and heading back towards the school. He was pretty sure Balthazar had seen them so decided to walk the long away around to class, in hopes of avoiding his brother.

Dean took a deep breath and rubbed his hands through his hair roughly again as he watched Cas walk away. He knew that wasn't the reason. He squinted into the crowd of people near the school and cursed when he recognized Balthazar standing at the edge of the group facing them. "Dammit," Dean muttered, not sure what to do. He knew that Balthazar wouldn't approve of seeing Dean with Cas, but Dean hated the thought of Cas facing his brother alone. He decided on the most neutral choice; he would hang back and watch, and if things got bad, Dean would step in if he had to. It was what any good person would do, and Dean really didn't see anything wrong with Cas having friends, which Dean was determined to be.

Unfortunately for Castiel his brother was determined to see him. "Cassie! Where have you been, sweetheart." Balthazar grinned in his usual soft English accent. Castiel had always thought of Balthazar's sweet, soft voice as the deadliest of them all. Balthazar brought him into a crippling hug, Castiel grunted at the force of it. "I, uh, went to see grand-mére…fell asleep at the bus station." he lied. Balthazar's lips twisted, he couldn't exactly argue with Castiel. He knew how much their grand-mére meant to him. "So what does that ape over there want, then?" Balthazar asked, indicating to Dean who was watching them carefully. "He wanted help with his French." Castiel replied, it was true in a way so Castiel found it easier to say that to Balthazar with a straight face. He was always a crap liar. Balthazar's eyes narrowed, grabbing the front of Castiel's hoodie and yanking him forward so he was inches from his face. "Darling, don't push my buttons. If I find out you're teaching him French, that has nothing to do with the language. I will tie you to the flag pole by your underwear and make everyone in the school sing the national anthem whilst they watch. Do I make myself clear?" he smiled, his voice soft yet bitter.

Dean was standing behind a group of girls in an attempt to make himself less obvious, and he glared at Balthazar distrustfully. Dean knew they could see him anyway, he knew Balthazar was watching, and he tried to look threatening to get the message across that if Balthazar hurt Castiel, Dean would hurt Balthazar. It was simple. The guy was kind of shoving Cas around a bit, getting a little rough but not actually hurting Cas, so Dean didn't have an excuse to go punch the dick's lights out. He was too far away to make out what they were saying, but Dean could read the fear in Castiel's eyes, but he knew Cas wouldn't actually do anything to defend himself. It was clear that Balthazar was threatening him in some way.

"Crystal" Castiel swallowed, just praying Balthazar didn't hit him. It wasn't that he didn't want to be hit, well, yes of course he wouldn't but he was used to it. No, what worried him was that if Balthazar hit him Dean would step in then all hell would break loose. Balthazar gave a sweet smile, one that made Castiel sick to his stomach as he knew it all too well. "Cassie, I'm doing you a favour. Keeping the imbeciles away from my little brother." he said, pinching Castiel's cheeks. Castiel grimaced and batted Balthazar's hand away gently. "He didn't do anything wrong." Castiel said defensively. Balthazar raised an eyebrow, "He's a Winchester. Do you even remember what he did to you? How much damage they have caused our family!?" Balthazar was getting angry now, his smooth voice washed away instantly, replaced by something bitter and foul. "That wasn't Dean." Castiel argued. Balthazar was positively fuming now, "If it wasn't for the fact he's the reason you got cut then yeah, I guess it wasn't his fault." Castiel didn't know why he did. He'd never raised a hand to anyone before but he just lost his temper momentarily and before he knew it he was tackling his brother to the floor, not before punching him square in the jaw.

Dean's jaw dropped in complete shock as he watched Castiel slam his fist into Balthazar's face and then push him down. "That's my boy!" Dean muttered in pleased amazement, shoving around a crowd of startled students who were watching the fight. It was hard to tell who had the upper hand in the fight, because they were a shouting, grunting, tangled mess of limbs. Fists were flying and feet were kicking, and it was just pure, angry chaos. Dean caught a glimpse of Balthazar's face briefly, and he looked so shocked it was funny. Dean moved a little closer, ready to step in and help if Cas started to get beat, but right now they looked pretty evenly matched. Dean wondered how long that would last, though, because Balthazar was bigger than Castiel, and probably more used to fighting, too. People had gathered around, watching them fight, and exchanged confused comments. Everyone was shocked that Cas had made the first move, and even more so that he was actually fighting back. Dean felt a surge of pride for Castiel.

Balthazar was fighting back but he seemed too shocked to do any real damage. His eyes were wide and looking up at Castiel who had him pinned to the floor. "That's how you're going to be, Cassie?" he said, sounding surprisingly calm. Almost bored. He managed to kick Castiel away, throwing in a punch as he did so. "Defend him over your own blood?!" he scoffed in disbelief. Castiel managed to block Balthazar's punch and kick him in the shin. "He hasn't done anything wrong." he grunted as Balthazar caught him in a head lock and threw him into the wall. Castiel winced, sitting up against the wall. "He's corrupted you, my dear. You're not a fighter. He's done this to you." Balthazar's nose was bleeding and Castiel was pretty sure he'd ruined his knuckles in the proceeds. Castiel was breathing heavily on the floor, his senses coming back to him. The anger remained but he no longer felt the need to hurt his brother. Thankfully. He hadn't meant to even initiate it in the first place. He felt horrible. Castiel stood and shuffled past the crowd, not looking back at his brother who he was sure was going to kill him when there were less people about.

Everyone was staring at Cas like they'd never seen him before, and the crowd parted as he walked by, keeping his head down. It was quiet. Dean shoved some kids out of the way and hurried to go catch up with Cas, giving Balthazar one last look before turning away. Cas was walking quickly away, and Dean had to trot to keep up with him. "What the hell was that?" He exclaimed, giving Castiel an impressed look. "Wow, I never saw that one coming." Dean didn't really know what to say; Cas looked horrified and guilty, like he couldn't actually believe what he'd just done, and Dean wasn't sure if he wanted praise right now.

Castiel bit his lip, "I don't know. I just lashed out.." He really hadn't seen that coming either. He'd just hit his brother, Gabriel was going to kill him. He ran a hand through his hair, wincing as his knuckles felt a little stiff. "Thank you for not making things worse." was all Castiel could say. Dean hadn't messed up, Castiel had. He was just grateful Dean hadn't stepped in, then things would have gotten out of hand.

Dean winced and hissed through his teeth when he caught sight of Castiel's hands. He carefully reached out and took them both, examining the split, swollen knuckles. "Shit, his face must be a mess," he said, trying to hide his smile behind his concern. He looked up at Castiel's face and let go of his hands when he saw the bruises and cuts on his face. He frowned and leaned closer, carefully turning Castiel's head to the side to try to get a better look at a scrape on his jaw that had bled down his neck. "That doesn't look so good," he murmured.

Castiel froze when Dean took his hands, his first thoughts was his brother was still watching them but a quick glance around told him he was not in sight. He moved his head out of Dean's hold. "I'm fine." he shrugged. Honestly, it felt good to let off a little steam, not that he would admit that. He was also used to the beatings, this was pretty light going. It was just his hand he was concerned about. He needed it to write and draw with. He bit his lip anxiously. "I think I broke his nose." he commented, with a small smile that he hated himself for.

Dean pulled his hands back but didn't step away. "Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if you did. That was impressive, Cas. Honestly, I didn't think you had it in you. No offense." He smiled proudly at Cas and patted his shoulder. "We should go get you fixed up before you bleed everywhere," he suggested, studying Castiel's face carefully. The guy looked like he was about to have a mental breakdown, and Dean couldn't really blame him. He was on the verge of hysterics, having just beat the crap out of his brother after enduring years of torment.

Castiel nodded and followed Dean to the bathroom, swinging by his locker to pick up his little first aid kit on the way. He refused to go to the nurse, any bets Balthazar would be there given what he had done to his nose. Once in the bathroom he began cleaning up his jaw.. He looked in the mirror, he looked terrible yes, but not the worst he's ever looked. He was more concerned with his hair than the blood. He wondered whether it would be worth investing in some hair product. He bit his lip, wondering how badly Balthazar looked. He wasn't looking forward to going home tonight. His mom would be so ashamed of him. Out of all her boys she expected Castiel to know better and he'd failed her.

Luckily, the bathroom was empty, since class had just started, and there was no way people weren't going to notice how many classes they'd been missing. Dean leaned against the sink and watched as Castiel fixed himself up in the mirror, washing the blood away from his neck and face. Luckily, it wasn't bleeding that bad anymore and Cas started to put a band aid on it. "You know," Dean mused, "You actually look kind of badass." Dean smiled slightly. It was true, Castiel was a badass. He'd actually started a fight and won. "Badass Cas." he grinned, "All those people watching. Did you see their faces?"

Once Castiel managed to fix himself as much as possible he leant forward, bracing himself against the sink. "No, I was too busy hurting my brother to notice." he said, his voice cold and distant. He couldn't believe he'd done it. What Balthazar had done to him for years..he'd retaliated and now he was no better than his brother. He was supposed to be better than this. He had to admit though, Badass Cas had a nice ring to it..but it only made him feel more guilty about what he had done.

Dean stepped away from the sink and stood behind Cas, trying his eyes in the mirror. "He deserved it, Cas." Dean said firmly. "Don't feel like you did anything wrong. You were only standing up for yourself. I couldn't hear what you guys were saying but it obviously pissed you off, and what you did was only human, Cas." Dean poised his chin above Castiel's shoulder and braced one arm on the sink, his hand almost touching Castiel's. He looked at both of their reflections in the mirror, Castiel's sad, troubled expression and bruised skin and messy hair, and Dean's own tight jaw and protective posture and and threatening eyes. They'd both changed a lot in these several short days that they'd known each other, having influenced each other in more ways than one.

"I initiated the violence." he retorted. If Balthazar had started it he wouldn't feel so bad but he had started it, this was all his fault. He averted his eyes when Dean brought up what they were actually talking about. He hadn't even considered the fact that Dean might not know the reason why. Now that he thought about, it did make sense. Dean had only mentioned the fighting not the reason why. He bit his lip, looking up at Dean through the mirror jumping a little when he noticed how close he was. "He was bad-mouthing you, Dean. That's why I hit him." he admitted. Dean would find out one way or another anyway, might as well tell him. "I just couldn't let him say those things about..I just got really mad."

Dean stared back at Castiel's reflection, not knowing how to respond to that. He was speechless for a moment, and then he blushed and looked away, tilting his head down so his forehead almost touched Castiel's shoulder. "Oh," he said dumbly, trying to hide his smile, and god, why was his entire life one big chick flick moment? "Thanks, Cas," he muttered shyly. He lifted his head up and looked at Castiel's chest in the mirror, too embarrassed to meet his eyes, and said, "But I thought he always talked badly about me," he added in slight confusion. "So why'd you fight him today, all of a sudden?"

Castiel shrugged, "I guess after last night..I know you better and you don't deserve to be talked about like that." Castiel looked at the drain in the sink, averting his gaze in the mirror. He felt silly, he'd given his brother a bloody nose other nothing but words. It sounded stupid now that he had time to think about it. "I only meant to punch him once but…I guess I got carried away." He bit his lip, forcing away his smile. He shouldn't be smiling, his brother was really hurt.

Dean smiled again when he saw Castiel trying to hide another smile. "Thanks," he murmured. "You saved me the trouble of doing the same," He felt strangely triumphant when he pictured Balthazar's stunned, bloodied face, and it made him want to laugh, but he didn't because Cas was obviously having an internal crisis. To distract him, Dean gently put his hands on Castiel's waist and turned him around. "Let me see your hand," he ordered quietly.

Castiel gasped when Dean turned him around, it threw him off balance a little he wasn't expecting that. He held out his hand which was now cleaned and wrapped neatly in bandages. He undid it quickly showing Dean the damage -which wasn't too bad, it just looked worse when it was covered in blood- and then wrapped the bandage back around, covering his hand. "It's fine" he assured before Dean could worry.

Dean carefully grabbed Castiel's wrist before he could stuff his hand in his pocket. "Doesn't look fine," he retorted. "Are you sure you don't want to go to the nurse and have this looked at?" He asked with a concerned frown. Even with the bandage on, Dean could tell how swollen Castiel's knuckles were, and blood was already seeping through the material.

"I'll go later." Castiel said, biting his lip. He didn't want to have to bump into Balthazar so soon afterwards. No doubt he was still angry with him. He managed to unhook his hand from Dean's to hide it in his hoodie sleeve. "Honestly, I'm fine." he smiled reassuringly. "I should probably get to class" he muttered realising how long they'd been in the bathroom.

Dean let Cas go and stepped back to give him some space and nodded reluctantly. "Yeah, me too." He said. He really needed to stop with the class-skipping thing, but it didn't matter that much. He picked up Castiel's backpack and handed it to him as they walked out of the bathroom, watching Castiel's face carefully for any indications that he was in pain or upset or anything.

Castiel gave a thankful smile as he took his bag from Dean. He winced a little as he moved his hand but that was to be expected it would take a couple days to heal. He put his backpack on his shoulder and wondered out into the hallway, heading off to Drama. His whole art class had been asked to help out with the sets for the school production. Castiel just hoped he'd be able to with his hand the way it was.

Dean walked beside him wordlessly. He had English next, which was in the same direction Cas was going in, and they walked together in silence in the empty hallway until Dean had to go upstairs. "Um, well… I'll see you later," Dean said with an awkward smile, and started to walk away, but he stopped. "Wait, we should exchange numbers. You know, in case… you need to call me for any reason," he said dumbly.

Castiel blinked at him for a moment, he'd almost forgotten what the need for a phone was. He never called anyone so Dean's statement confused him until he realised that's what friends did. He felt rather stupid for wondering what he meant in the first place. "Sure." he shrugged. He took a pen out of his pocket and wrote his number on Dean's wrist.

Dean grinned when Cas was finished writing it on his wrist in neat, slanted writing. He took the pen from Cas and took his hand, being careful not to touch the injured part, and wrote his number in the same place Cas had written his, but smaller. He didn't exactly think Balthazar would be too pleased to see it. "Thanks," he released Castiel's wrist and handed the pen back to him. It felt official now, like they were really, solidly friends, and it made Dean happier than he would have thought it would.

Castiel smiled shyly, in his mind he could visualise an address book and inside it it had dozens of blank pages and just one number; Deans. Castiel wasn't sure what that said about him but he didn't care. They were friends and that's all that mattered. "Goodbye, Dean." he smiled, turning to walk down to the main hall where the set was being built.

"See you later," Dean replied, and just stood there watching Castiel walk away for a minute with a ridiculous smile on his face before he even realized what he was doing. He rolled his eyes at himself and turned around to walk into English 10 minutes late, putting on his 'I don't care about what you think of me' mask and striding in lazily. Luckily the class was involved in noisy group discussions about Shakespeare or something, and Dean didn't attract too much attention to himself, so he sat down in an empty desk and grinned easily at some people around him, pretending to dig around in his bag.

Castiel walked into the hall trying to stay out of the drama kids way, they were busy rehearsing and he didn't want to disturb them. He got to the back of the stage, putting his bag down and concentrating on painting the sets. He could feel people looking at him. They must have been watching earlier, he could feel his cheeks turn red as he began to feel self-conscious. He could feel one particular gaze burning into his back, he dared a glance over his shoulder and saw from the other side of the room Gabriel staring coldly at him.

As usual, Dean was the class clown/idiot, making ridiculous jokes to get attention, because if he stopped doing it people would wonder why. It was comfortable, and he was used to it. They were reading Romeo and Juliet, which Dean could not understand at all, but he knew it had something to do with a girl and a guy who fell in love even though they weren't supposed to and then their dads found out and everyone died. Something like that. It wasn't too interesting to Dean.

It didn't take long until Gabriel found his way over to Castiel, his usual 'kidding around' face on but Castiel knew better. He knew what lurked beneath. "Hey, kiddo. Hear you gave ol' Balthy a bit of a punch around today." he smiled. Castiel knew he was in trouble. He swallowed, turning to look up at Gabriel. "He was being mean." he said in his defence. "If I were mean, would ya kick my teeth in too?" he laughed, it was bitter and cold and sent shivers down Castiel's spine. Gabriel was a lot more unpredictable compared to Balthazar. He could be very dangerous if he wanted to be. He once went as far as holding Castiel by his ankles over the old bridge before announcing 'Hey, don't look so green I'm only kiddin', kiddo.' "No..P-Probably not." he said, head bowed. "Good. Catch ya later buddy." he grinned, returning to his usual self and slapping Castiel on the back. Castiel, however, knew this was far from over.

Lunch could not have come sooner, when Castiel was finally able to escape the main hall he ran to his usual spot outside under the tree. He didn't have his guitar with him this time. Not with his hand the way it was, he wouldn't be able to play.

As soon as English was over, Dean went out into the hallway and headed towards the spot where Cas usually sat outside, but someone grabbed his arm and forced him to turn around. Ash. Dean plastered a fake smile onto his face. "What's up, man?" He said automatically, and Ash grinned at him and wiggled his eyebrows. "So… you gonna ask him or not? Prom's next week, dude!" Dean's smile faded and he shook his head, not meeting Ash's eyes. "It's stupid," Dean scoffed. "What's the point? I mean, it's not like he's gonna agree to go with me anyway." Ash gave him a frustrated look. "You promised you would. We dared you to, remember? Just trick him into it or something." But Dean just shook his head again, trying to walk away from Ash, but the guy followed him. "No, Ash, It's not happening." He was getting really pissed at his friends lately, and Ash was being stubbornly persistent. "Okay, I'll ask him for you, then, if you're too scared." Ash taunted, and that made Dean turn and look at him. This could be very bad. Ash was blackmailing him into asking Cas to prom, and if Dean didn't do it, then Cas would find out about the dare and Dean didn't want to think about what would happen if he did. "All right, I'll do it!" Dean gave in, because really, what choice did he have? Cas would probably say no, but it was better than finding out about this from Ash. Dean was in way too deep, and he cursed himself for ever agreeing to do this, but it was too late now, and he actually liked Castiel, and didn't want to see him get hurt by this stupid dare.

Castiel was sat under the tree clenching and unclenching his hand, wincing as he did so. He was trying to get the joint to start moving again before they stiffened up too much. He saw Dean walking out of the school with Ash. He bit his lip with worry. Ash was an odd one. He wasn't going to judge who Dean was friends with but Ash just didn't sit right with him. He seemed to make Dean do stupid things, like mess around in class and bully others. It was strange to think that Dean used to do that. He was so kind and considerate now, it was like looking at a different person. He moved his head back to look at his feet not wanting to freak Dean out by staring a him.

"Just give me a little more time, okay?" Dean begged, trying not to sound desperate. He had to wait for the right moment to ask Cas, and he didn't want Ash to just blurt it out to him and leave Dean to pick up the pieces. Ash sighed and shrugged. "Okay, fine, Winchester. I've waited too long for this, so hurry it up already. This is gonna be great." He slapped Dean on the back hard and then walked in the other direction. Dean glared at him until he was out of sight, and then turned to the tree and saw Cas sitting under the tree and took a deep breath, schooling his expression into neutrality. He couldn't do it, he couldn't ask Cas to go to prom with him, couldn't take advantage of his friend like that. He had to think of another way of doing it that wouldn't put Castiel's emotions on the line, but he wasn't ready. He dropped his backpack on the ground and sat down next to Cas. "How's the hand?" He asked, not meeting Castiel's eyes.

"Still a bit stiff" he muttered, looking over at Dean. He frowned when Dean wasn't looking at him properly. "Dean?" he asked, trying to catch the other's line of sight. "Dean, what's wrong?" he asked with concern. Was it something he'd done? He seemed fine when he was talking to Ash. Maybe he'd said something. He bit his lip anxiously, reaching out hesitantly to place a hand on Dean's arm.

Dean didn't want to look at Cas right now. He couldn't look at Castiel's earnest, caring face or his innocent blue eyes. But when Cas leaned down to meet his eyes and touched Dean's arm, Dean automatically looked up. "Nothing," he said, trying to sound nonchalant but failing miserably. Damn. "Just thinking," he lied, tearing his gaze away uncomfortably.

Castiel bit the inside of his cheek. Dean was clearly not fine, but if he did't want to talk about it he wouldn't make him. "Okay." he said with a small smile. He squeezed Dean's arm tentatively before removing his hand completely. He leant back against the tree, staring off to the field. He hummed softly to himself, letting Dean have the space he obviously needed.

Dean breathed a sigh of relief when Castiel backed off and didn't ask him any more questions, but it just made him feel even more guilty. Most of the time, Dean wouldn't leave Castiel alone, even when he didn't want Dean around, and he just ignored it and kept pushing and pushing, and he felt horrible, but he couldn't say anything about it, so he just sat there quietly and played with the strings of his hoodie. He was deep in thoughts, not looking at Castiel, just trying to find a way to make everything work and not screw up this fragile friendship he'd formed.

Castiel remained in his own little bubble, making sure he gave Dean his breathing space but lunch went as soon as it came and people were heading back to class and Dean hadn't said a word. He was beginning to worry if Ash had said something to him. Maybe his brother had caught up with Dean. He wasn't sure. He shook Dean's arm, snapping him out of his own little world. "Dean, we're gunna be late for class..again." He smiled timidly, he hated being late but he was beginning to think it was a regular occurrence for Dean.

A startled noise escaped Dean's throat and he looked up at Cas with a smile that hopefully didn't look as forced as it felt. "Huh? Oh, yeah… right." He mumbled and rose to his feet, grabbing his bag. They hadn't spoken at all during lunch, but Dean was too busy thinking of how to get out of asking Cas to prom and ways to do it without Cas finding out about the stupid dare. He was making plans and figuring things out, and he was going to force himself to ask Cas later in the day, perhaps after school if the opportunity arose.

Castiel smiled, giving side glances to Dean as they walked back into school. He wanted to make sure he was okay, it wasn't like Dean NOT to talk. He managed to make it to class without running into his brother, for which he was thankful. He walked into the class, pulling his sleeve hoodie down to cover Dean's number and walked to the back of the room. He slumped down in his seat, pulling out his notebook.

Dean walked into the French classroom after Cas and sat down in front of him like he had for the past few days. He couldn't help but notice that people were looking at Cas now, like he was all mysterious and interesting all of a sudden, which he was. Dean suspected many people had completely forgotten Cas existed until he'd beat up his own brother outside. That seemed to be earning him some attention. French was the last class they had together, and it passed by too slowly, Dean's mind full of troubling thoughts. He looked at the clock nervously and waited for the school day to end so he could get this over with.

Castiel busied himself with the work, ignoring the attention that was thrown his way. He knew he was a paranoid person in general but he was sure people were looking at him. They'd probably seen him beat up Balthazar earlier. Trust Castiel to draw attention to himself when he least wanted it. After what seemed like an eternity, the school bell rung and the school day was over. Now all Castiel had to do was avoid his brothers for the night and hopefully wake up the next morning not too beaten up.

Dean sat through the entire class not paying attention at all. His leg bounced up and down anxiously and he drummed his fingers on his desk. When the bell rang, Dean sat in his seat for another moment before taking a deep breath and standing up. The other students were already filing out and talking amongst themselves, nobody was paying attention to him. He turned to Cas nervously and whispered, "Can you meet me out by my car?"

Castiel blinked a little confused before smiling softly, "Sure. I just need to go get something from art then I'll be out." He walked out the room and towards art, picking up a set of water colours. He was going to paint his fallen angel on a large scale once his hand felt a bit better. He walked out into the car park and spotted Dean's car. He waited patiently by it, waiting for Dean. He hoped Dean was okay, he'd been really quiet since lunch. It wasn't like Dean at all.

Dean was leaning against the hood of the Impala, nervously tapping his fingers on the sleek metal. He really needed to calm down, it wasn't that big of a deal. He just had to make sure he didn't screw up. He took a few calming breaths and waited, but when he saw Castiel approaching him his heart started pounding again. More deep breathing, and he was okay. He smiled slightly when Cas walked over. "Hey, Cas." he greeted casually.

"Hey" he smiled, walking up to Dean. He watched him with worried eyes, "You okay?" He wasn't sure what had gotten into Dean but it must be something big if they couldn't talk about it over lunch. He reached out a timid hand and rested it on Dean's arm.

Dean inhaled slowly and exhaled, looking down for a moment before he looked up and met Castiel's intense gaze. "Do you wanna go to prom?" He blurted out, which was not the way he'd been intending to ask this, and he winced internally, but he didn't alter his expression at all, just stared at Cas and waited for the reaction; it was too late to take back the words, they were already out there in the air between them, and Dean just waited, holding his breath in anticipation.

Castiel blinked at Dean, a little taken back. Was this what had been bothering him? Castiel hadn't even thought about prom. He hadn't any friends until Dean came along so he thought there'd be no point going on his own. "Not really, no." Castiel said sheepishly. "It's not really my scene, Dean." Castiel could only imagine the horrors that would take place if he did go. His brothers would be there for a start. That wasn't exactly making the idea appealing.

Dean bit his lip and bounced up and down a little on his feet in nervous frustration. Why was this so hard? "No, I mean…" he paused and cleared his throat before saying quickly, "Do you wanna go with me?" He chewed his lower lip so hard he was surprised he didn't taste blood, and just watched Castiel's face. This was the most awkward thing he'd ever done, and he honestly had no idea how Castiel would react.

Oh. OH! How did he not get that before? He cleared his throat awkwardly, "That's sweet Dean but I just don't wanna go to prom, y'know? It wouldn't be a good idea, what with my brothers and everyone will be staring at us…they already stare at me Dean." He was rambling, he knew it but couldn't stop himself. He was nervous and awkward and felt awful for rejecting Dean. He wanted to go with him, he'd go anywhere Dean wanted to go with him..just not prom. Prom was like a show event, Castiel didn't feel like it was about having fun at all. It was about being judged and it made Castiel's skin crawl.

Dean blushed furiously, this wasn't going anything like he'd expected. "I don't mean— well… I… you don't have to—" He wanted nothing more than to disappear into the ground right now. "We don't have to, you know— I was just thinking maybe we should go together, since I don't have a date, it could be like… it doesn't have to be… ugh." He trailed off helplessly, shoulders slumping in defeat as he closed his eyes and sighed loudly. This was not what he'd planned on; he'd been hoping he could just casually suggest it, going as friends, just to hang out, but he failed and now things were horribly awkward.

"Profound bond." Castiel piped up, smiling to himself as he hoped that's what Dean meant. If he was suggesting they go as more than friends Castiel was pretty sure he was the king of Scotland. "That'd be cool but I'm just not into school dances and stuff. I'm sure you'd be able to find a date no problem." he smiled. He was a bit shocked to hear Dean hadn't got a date. He could click his fingers and have a dozen girls dropping at his feet.

Dean opened his eyes and looked at Castiel pleadingly, screw his pride. "I know," he groaned, "But I'd rather hang out with you." Dean was surprised at himself, even more so when he realized how true it was. Lisa and Jo had been hinting at prom for ages now, but he just wasn't interested any more. "It'll be fun," he added hopefully, trying another tactic, "I'll make it worth your while…" he used his Kate Winslet voice, and there he was making an idiot out of himself again. He managed a teasing smile and a playful wink, but really he just wanted to run away.

Castiel snorted out a laugh, covering his mouth as he burst into hysterics. Uncontrollable giggles, as his face grew red. He shook his head, grinning. "I'm sorry..when you use that voice it makes me think you're coming to prom in a dress." he giggled. He bit his lip, forcing himself to stop laughing. He mused on the thought a moment before coming to the conclusion that Dean being Dean would probably keep asking him until he said yes. "Fine but I'm not dancing in front of people." he stressed, it'd be embarrassing enough as it is.

Dean stared at him in delighted disbelief. Wow, the guy had sure changed his mind fast. "Really?" He asked, realizing he sounded like a little kid on Christmas, but he didn't care. "You'll really go to prom?" He searched Castiel's face for any lingering sings of doubt, and then burst into hysterical giggles. "I'll wear a dress if you want," he offered teasingly, "Which color? Blue, to match your eyes?" He didn't even care if this was another chick flick moment, there had already been so many of them that he was past the point of caring. He mostly just felt overwhelmed with relief.

"If it'll make you happy then yeah." he shrugged. He smiled seeing how happy this was making Dean. He guessed if he got to see Dean smile like that it would be worth it. It was just a dance, nothing to be afraid of, he told himself. Just do it for Dean. Castiel began laughing again, "Green is more your colour, maybe teal." He couldn't stop smiling, they were both acting like idiots and he'd never felt happier. "Although, maybe stick to a suit.. I doubt people are ready to see you in a pair of killer heels just yet."

Dean laughed and cocked an eyebrow suggestively. "Yeah, nobody's ready because I'm too sexy for them," he joked, "Especially in a dress and heels. I don't want anybody's eyes to burn out of their sockets when they see me all dressed up." He shoved Cas lightly, smiling so widely he felt like his face was going to split in half. He'd done it, he could relax now.

"That and I'm pretty sure the girls would be jealous and try to claw your eyes out." he commented with a small chuckle. There was something about prom that made girls just go crazy, he couldn't understand it himself. He looked up at Dean smiling brightly, "So, uh, was that it? 'Cause I should be heading off home."he said reluctantly with a sheepish smile.

Dean grimaced at the mental image of himself wearing a dress and heels, running away from angry, screaming girls, and shuddered slightly. "Uh, yeah, that's it, I guess." He answered with a smile to match Castiel's own, "Thanks," he said softly. His smile faded a little when Castiel said he had to get home, because that's where his brothers were and Dean had to admit he was pretty worried about how that was going to go. "Call me later, okay?" He added with a concerned frown, hoping that Cas knew what he meant.

"I'll be fine, Dean." Castiel reassured not wanting to worry him. If something happened he could take it. He'd spent his whole life dealing with it why should today be any different. He squeezed Dean's arm lightly before picking up his bag. "Goodbye, Dean." he smiled, giving a quick wave before walking out the car park.

Dean smiled at his retreating back, but he was still worried about two things. One, Castiel's brothers beating the crap out of him after what had happened today, and two, Ash deciding to be a dick and telling Cas the whole thing was a prank. He really hoped neither of these things happened, so he sent a quick text to Ash telling him he'd done it and not to say anything. Then, Dean got into his car and drove home.


	4. Chapter 4

When Castiel arrived home his brothers were pretending like nothing had happened. Castiel knew the routine, they'd wait, bide their time before striking. Castiel didn't have the energy to care or worry right now. He was just glad he was being left alone long enough to have a well needed shower and a good nights sleep. He texted Dean telling him he was okay before drifting off to sleep.

Dean spent the afternoon doing nothing, just hanging around reading. He was still worried, but Ash had texted him back and agreed not to say anything. Later, Cas texted him, simply saying, 'I'm okay, see you tomorrow." And Dean had smiled and replied, "awesome :)" and went to sleep soon after. He'd had a stressful day, and the sleep was much needed.

Castiel woke up just like every other day, got dressed, ate breakfast and headed off to school. Only this time he had something to look forward to: seeing his friend Dean. He smiled all the way to school, ignoring whatever mindless drivel Gabriel and Balthazar were talking about. Balthazar still wasn't talking to him. He had a black eye and his nose was covered by a huge plaster. Castiel felt bad at first but soon gave up trying to be nice all the time. He would pay for it eventually, Gabriel would make sure of that.

Dean and Sam arrived at school earlier than usual today, and they were standing outside by his car, enjoying the cool morning air. Soon, Dean spotted Castiel, Balthazar and Gabriel approaching the building, and Dean couldn't help it; he burst out laughing. Balthazar's face was messed up, and Castiel was smiling. It was hilarious. He waved to Castiel, and his brothers didn't notice. "Who's that?" Sam asked, squinting at them in confusion. "Cas and his brothers, Gabriel and Balthazar. Didn't you hear what happened yesterday?" Sam nodded and made a noise of realization. Dean hadn't told Sam about the whole prom thing yet, which could possibly be a very awkward conversation, because Sam's pretty smart, but Dean would cross that bridge when he came to it.

Castiel bit his lip, looking over at his brothers to make sure they weren't looking before waving back at Dean. Balthazar and Gabriel had already gone into the school so Castiel slipped away and joined the two Winchester's. "Hey Dean." he smiled warmly. He looked over at who he presumed was Sam and…he was a lot taller in person. He had to tilt his head back to look at him. "Hello" he smiled politely. He turned his attention back to Dean, "You okay?"

Dean gave Cas an innocent smile and said, "Yeah, I'm fine." He didn't know why he was suddenly shy. "My little brother, Sam. Sam, this is Cas." Sam smiled warmly at Cas and said a polite "nice to meet you.". Dean looked between the two of them awkwardly, blushing. He cleared his throat and met Castiel's eyes. "We should get going," he said to Sam without looking at him, aware that Sam was eying him strangely.

"Nice to meet you" Castiel said before nodding and following Dean. "Are you sure you're okay? I didn't mean to intrude." Castiel said quickly, worrying he'd done something to make Dean act a little…off. They walk through the hallway and Castiel goes to his locker, dumping his lunch and books in there.

Dean laughed a little and shook his head, "Dude, no! You weren't intruding at all. I just… Sam doesn't know we're going to prom together, so it's a little awkward. I'm gonna tell him later, though. Not that he'll actually care," Dean shrugged and waited for Cas to finish getting his stuff out of his locker before they went to home room. "Oh, speaking of brothers, how'd it go at your house yesterday?"

Awkward? Castiel didn't understand, he thought they were just going as friends what was to be awkward about that? He didn't ask he just followed Dean to the home room. "Yeah. It was fine. It takes a few days before the retaliation kicks in." he explained with a shrug.

Dean winced. "Retaliation? What do you mean by that?" He was afraid he didn't want to know; it probably involved torture, knowing Castiel's brothers. But he needed to make sure that Cas was okay. Maybe now that they knew he was tougher than he looked, they'd leave him alone, Dean hoped.

"Pay back." he shrugged. "I doubt they'd let me get away with breaking Balthazar's nose." He laughed before he could stop himself, the sight of his brother was amusing. He still felt guilt of course but he couldn't help but find some small amount of entertainment out of the matter. "It's fine. Honestly, Dean." he assured.

Dean gazed at him for a moment, making sure Cas really was okay, before giving in. "Okay, if you're sure you're fine." The last thing Dean wanted was for Cas to get beat up by both of his brothers, but there wasn't really anything he could do to prevent what happened in Castiel's home. "If you ever need a place to stay, there's always the cabin, you know." He offered quietly.

Castiel smiled, "Thanks Dean." The school bell rang and the other student began filling in. Castiel took a seat behind one of the counters, biting his lip when he saw Balthazar hovering outside the door. He was gone seconds later but it still made Castiel feel a little uneasy. He turned back to Dean with a small smile, "I was wondering if I could go up to the cabin after school. If that's okay with you… I'd love to paint some of the scenery. It's really beautiful up there."

Dean smiled. "I'll drive you up there this afternoon." He sat down next to Cas, their arms brushing. "Yeah, that'd be awesome. You know, you could probably see your artwork," he said seriously. "How did you get so good? It's crazy. My art looks like a 6-year old's."

Castiel blushed, "I don't know, I guess I just used it as an escape route." he shrugged. "Over time..I just guess I got better." He bit his lip, it still felt alien to hear Dean compliment him. He was so used to keeping to himself he wasn't used to this. "As long as you don't try any Titanic reenactments by the river I think we'll be okay." he joked.

"Shut up, you love my Kate Winslet impression and you know it!" Dean replied with a crooked grin, poking Cas in the side. Mr. Singer came in then, looking annoyed as usual, and the class quieted down. "All right, idjits, listen up. You're gonna need safety goggles again, no excuses. Today, we're blowing stuff up, and I don't want any injuries, understand?" Dean looked at Cas and made an exaggerated nervous face.

Castiel laughed, covering his hand over his mouth. came in and he had to bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. He opened the textbook and looked over the days lesson. Tedious, he thought to himself. He hated the bits that exploded. He got really nervous that he'd do something wrong a blow the school up. Having Dean sat next to him wasn't exactly comforting. He had a bit of a reputation for blowing stuff up. He managed to burn a whole desk once. Castiel still wasn't sure how he'd managed to do so without the aid of fire.

For once, Dean actually tried to pay attention to Mr. Singer, although Castiel's stifled laugh was distracting, and soon Dean was biting his cheek to try to keep a straight face. Unfortunately, Mr. Singer noticed, and he narrowed his eyes suspiciously, looking back and forth between Dean and Cas, which actually made it funnier. Dean put a hand over his mouth and tried to look thoughtful and interested in the lesson, and Mr. Singer looked away and continued going over the instructions. Dean made a face at Mr. Singer when he turned away, and then leaned over to see what page Castiel was on in the textbook.

Castiel's face grew red when Mr. Singer looked in their direction, he kept his head down and focused on the textbook. He wrote down the tables in his notebook, copying the instructions and adding his own notes for what they would have to do. Castiel had to make sure this went right. Punching his brother was one thing but blowing up the science lab would just be too much attention aimed his way. He could barely stand it when on the odd occasion people turned around to look between him and Dean and mutter amongst themselves.

Other people in the classroom had noticed Mr. Singer looking at Dean and Cas, and some of the students were turning around and giving them perplexed looks. Dean stared back challengingly or grinned obnoxiously until they looked away. He figured it was because Dean had never talked to Cas before the past week or so, and it was out of character for him to do so, so they were probably surprised and curious. Dean didn't mind so much, but he knew Cas didn't like the attention, so he guiltily moved his chair away a little bit to put some more distance between them, hoping it would make Cas more comfortable.

Castiel bit his lip, feeling bad when Dean felt the need to move away. He knew it was because of him..because he's too pathetic to ignore people he doesn't even care about. He tried to ignore the pang of guilt that flowed through him and continued to write down notes and follow along as Mr. Singer explained what they were going to do. Abruptly, the fire bell rang out and everyone perked up heading for the door.

Dean's shoulders relaxed and he breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you," he muttered, standing up. Looks like they weren't going to do a dangerous science experiment today after all. He walked towards the door, not waiting for Cas because he didn't want to give him any more unwanted attention, and followed the rest of the class down the hallway and outside into the bright sun.

Castiel headed out of the classroom not bothering to try and catch up with Dean. He seemed to be giving Castiel some space when they were around large groups of people which he was thankful for, he was fed up of everyone staring at them. Gabriel brushed past him, slapping his hand to Castiel's back. "Hey kiddo, d'ya see the fire? Right shame that, I was just going to key it but this was just much more fun." Castiel frowned, what was he talking about? Castiel made it outside to find Dean staring at his beloved car ablaze. Gabriel had really done it this time.

There was smoke in the air. Dean frowned and looked back at the school building, but there was no fire that he could see, so why… Oh. The smoke was coming from the parking lot near the school, and there was a frantic crowd standing around, teachers yelling at kids to move back, people pointing and staring, mouths open wide in shock. Dean ran towards the crowd and shoved people out of the way, already knowing what he was going to see. It was his Impala, completely engulfed in flames. Dean's heart stopped, and he couldn't do anything but just stand there and stare at it. There was nothing he could do. He felt anger and pain building slowly inside him, dull at first but then becoming stronger and stronger. This car was the most important thing he'd ever owned. He'd built her himself, spent hours and hours and hours making sure she was in mint condition, only to have all his hard work destroyed, all the blood, sweat, and tears he'd spent over this car wasted in an instant. He couldn't move.

Castiel spotted Dean in the crowd, his expression was tearing Castiel's heart in two. This was all his fault. Gabriel did this because Dean had been hanging out with Castiel, standing up for him. So if it wasn't for Castiel this never would have happened. He could only imagine how much Dean loved that car especially by the way he called it 'baby' and drove her carefully. He could hear Gabriel laughing, but he ignored it, pushing him away and going over to Dean. He bit his lip not quite sure what to say. "I'm sorry, Dean." he said softly, his voice full of sympathy and anger at what his brother had done.

Dean heard Castiel approach him and say something, but he didn't catch the words. He couldn't tear his eyes away from his baby. He couldn't move. All he could do was stand there like he was frozen and watch his car die. He heard sirens. A fire truck was coming, but it was too late to save the car. It was already destroyed. He didn't say anything to Cas. He couldn't say anything period. This was wrong, he thought. Why would somebody do this to such a beautiful car? He was having a hard time processing his thoughts, all he could feel was anger and loss, and his vision was getting blurry. He felt too hot, and suddenly he was on his knees on the ground, still staring at the hypnotic flames consuming his car.

Castiel looked around them quickly, everyone watch seemed to have some form of sympathy for Dean. Except his brother who was still smirking with Balthazar. Castiel wondered if it would be okay to comfort Dean in public, he had a good reason. People wouldn't judge them or look at them with confusion as they had in the classroom. He took in a deep breath building the courage to do something in front of an audience. He slowly got to his knees by Dean's side, placing a hand on his shoulder. He tugged at his shirt a little indicating for him to stand up. "Dean let's go sit inside." he suggested. This was wrong. It was all his fault. Why couldn't his brothers have just hurt him instead…It soon dawned on Castiel as he looked over at his brother's grinning faces that they were hurting him but gaining the pleasure of hurting someone else in the process. Castiel felt sick to his stomach.

Dean felt like he was going to throw up, or faint. He was shaking, and he didn't know if it was because he was in shock or if it was from anger. Probably a combination of both. He was vaguely aware of Castiel's hand on his shoulder and his voice speaking softly in his ear, but it was like Dean was in a dream. "Okay," he heard his own voice saying, but it didn't sound like him, and before he knew what was happening he was standing up again. He was looking at the ground and watching as his feet seemed to move by themselves, carrying him back to the school. He could hear muffled voices, anxious murmurs and whispers, the sirens of the fire truck and teachers' loud, authoritative voices, but everything just felt like a blur. He dimly remembered feeling like this at his mother's funeral, which made it even more ridiculous that he was feeling this way about a car.

Before heading inside, Castiel steered them towards his usual sitting place by the tree. He thought it might be quieter, away from everyone so Dean could grieve in peace. He supposed that's what Dean was doing; grieving. It seemed only natural given the way he cared for that car. He remember Dean saying something about building it up when Dean gave him a lift home earlier in the week. He could only imagine how he felt. He supposed it was like him spending months on a painting only to have it ripped up or damaged. Castiel sat down by the tree, encouraging Dean to do the same. He reached out for the other's hand and squeezing it gently. He wasn't sure what else he could say. How to make this right. So he tried to comfort Dean as best as he could.

Dean forced himself to breathe, now that he could no longer smell the smoke or see the flames. His back was facing the scene, and he didn't want to look anymore. Cas was sitting in front of him holding his hand, and he was slowly coming back to his senses. Suddenly, he felt the strong urge to cry, but his eyes remained dry. He didn't look up at Castiel's face, just staring at their hands, and he said flatly, "It was your brothers, wasn't it." It wasn't a question, it was a statement, because he already knew the truth. He couldn't look at Cas.

A pang of guilt jolted through Castiel. It was embarrassing being related to his brothers..they did nothing but cause trouble and chaos. Castiel remained quiet, still holding Dean's hand. "I'm sorry." he said quietly after silence hung heavy in the air for a few minutes. He squeezed Dean's hand a little unable to look at Dean any longer without feeling sick to his stomach by the broken expression on the other's face.

"Do I have permission to brutally murder them?" Dean muttered halfheartedly, although he didn't actually intend to follow through on that. He was too tired. Maybe he'd settle for just beating the shit out of them or calling the cops. Yeah, he could probably get them both arrested for this, there had to be enough evidence…. Dean sighed and looked up at the sky, feeling dead inside.

Castiel smiled sadly, he felt awful. "I'm sorry, Dean." He knew Gabriel was insane, he'd set Castiel's bed on fire once but this… this was going to far. Castiel could feel anger rise in him just like it did before he'd attacked Balthazar. Had that initiated this? This was a mess. He wasn't sure what he could do. If he confronted his brothers they'd only push back harder and Castiel was pretty sure that wouldn't work out for anyone.

"Not your fault," Dean sighed, pulling his hand away from Castiel's and slumping forward and resting his head in his palms, the heels of his hands digging hard into his eyes. "Guess this means we can't go to the cabin today," Dean mumbled, suddenly wanting nothing more than to be in the cabin, hearing the soothing sounds of the stream leading into the lake and the birds in the trees and not have to deal with any of this. He hated people seeing him like this, even though it was Cas, and he tried to get back to normal but it was hard.

Castiel frowned, he'd been looking forward to going to the cabin. It was nice out there. Really peaceful and they could be themselves. "I guess" Castiel sighed. He pulled his hand away and placed it in his lap. "Are you going to be okay?" he asked, if they were going to the cabin Castiel could be with him and check on him but now they'd have to just go back home and Castiel didn't want to leave him. Not in this state.

"Why would they do something like that?" Dean whispered, feeling tears well up in his eyes, and he panicked. He couldn't cry here, not at school in front of all the other students. He stood up hurriedly, looking around wildly. "I have to go," he said, and took a stumbling step in the opposite direction, feeling a panic attack coming on. He hadn't had one in a while, but the destruction of his car triggered every negative emotion in him and he suddenly felt like he was going to explode or lash out, and he needed to get away, but he didn't know where to go. His house was too far to walk to.

Castiel hastily stood up after Dean. He knew what it felt like to be where he was, and although he didn't think so at the time time..he really appreciate Dean's company. His persistence to be there for him. It seemed only fair that Castiel could do the same. He grabbed at Dean's elbow, pulling him back so he didn't run any further. "Dean, it's okay. Just take a deep breath." he encouraged with a small smile. "Everyone's gone back to class, just come sit back down." He didn't move, let Dean choose whether he wanted to stay or run. Either way Castiel would be there for him.

Dean stopped and looked at Castiel finally, stunned by the caring and concern in his friend's eyes and tone. He tried to follow Castiel's advice and breathe, and it helped him calm down a little, but not enough. The grip Castiel had on his arm was just barely holding him together, and Dean was grateful for it. He sat back down stiffly, still feeling weird, like he wasn't in control of his own movements. "Thanks, Cas," he whispered, a tear slipping down his cheek.

Castiel sat back down with Dean feeling guilty, Dean had thanked him. This was his fault and Dean was thanking him. He felt sick. He instinctively reached out to wipe the tear from Dean's cheek with his thumb. He shuffled a little closer to Dean, wrapping and arm around the other hesitantly. He wasn't sure if his comfort was welcoming but he couldn't just sit there and watch Dean break.

Dean shuddered at Castiel's gentle touch and closed his eyes, leaning into Castiel's warmth. Maybe he could just pretend that today had never happened. He buried his face in Castiel's shoulder and allowed himself to cry. His body sagged and he felt weak, but Castiel was holding him up and Dean couldn't be more grateful for that simple kindness. It was ridiculous really, how many times they'd done exactly this after only knowing each other for about a week.

He could feel Dean shake slightly as he sobbed into Castiel's shoulder. He brought him into a tighter embrace, holding him with the intention of never letting go. No one was supposed to get to Dean like this. Dean was supposed to be the strong one, Castiel was supposed to be the one that got picked on but Dean had got caught in the cross fire and things had gone wrong. He held onto Dean, rubbing his hand up and down his back. Trying to comfort him as best he could.

Dean felt cold. It wasn't from the weather, even though the air was cool and crisp. The chill came from deep within Dean and settled in his bones like ice, and he needed to be warm. He moved closer to Castiel and shivered, and he wrapped his arms tightly around his friend and let himself be held. His face sought the warm skin at Castiel's neck, and he was vaguely aware that he was probably getting tears everywhere, but he didn't care. He couldn't stop shaking, and he wondered how this must look to any outside observer; a boy crying like a baby over his car getting set on fire, and he was angry at himself for reacting in such a stupid way, but he couldn't stop.

Castiel bit the inside of his cheek. He really felt for Dean. His brothers had broken him and it took all of his strength not to confront them about it and possible break more than just their nose. But Castiel knew this would only make things worse. Violence was not the answer. That's how they'd gotten into this mess in the first place. He held one hand in Dean's hair stroking it gently. "Shh..It's okay Dean. Just deep breaths." he crooned, wishing Dean would stop crying. He hated seeing him like this.

Dean tried to breathe, he really did, but it wasn't easy and he couldn't stop his chest from shuddering. He inhaled deeply through his nose, allowing the familiar vanilla, pine cone and peppermint scent of Castiel to wash over him, and he felt a little calmer, but he was still crying. His hands were fisted in the back of Castiel's shirt and he had to force himself to loosen his grip a little, not wanting to completely ruin it, and he tried to just breath. Castiel's hand on the back of his head was stroking through his hair in repetitive motions, and it felt nice, and Dean just tried to concentrate on that. "I should call the cops," he managed to say into Castiel's neck, his eyes still screwed tightly shut.

Castiel continued to stroke Dean's hair. He considered Dean's words carefully. It sounded like a better solution than beating his brothers up..or attempting to at least. Let the authorities handle this. "If that's what you want to do." Castiel said softly, not wanting to argue or agree with Dean on this. He just held Dean close and would support decided to approach this situation.

Dean pulled back slightly so he could look at Cas, but they didn't let go of each other. "What?" He asked dumbly, "You're… okay with that?" Dean knew that family should always come first, and it made him feel uneasy. "I mean, they're you're brothers, are you sure you want them getting arrested?" Dean felt much calmer now, but just really drained. He was still crying a little, and he knew his face probably looked horrible and his eyes stung, but he knew Castiel wouldn't care.

Castiel looked over at Dean's face, reaching out to wipe away the tears as best as possible. "Dean, they set your car on fire." he said solemnly. "They've got what's coming to them" Castiel felt bad but after what they'd done to Dean. That was the last straw. He'd given up with his brothers. There was always hope in Castiel, hope that his brothers were just in a phase but after this…he wanted nothing to do with them. He brought Dean closer, stroking his thumb over Dean's cheek. "You okay?" he asked with concern, Dean look awful he could only imagine how upset he was right now.

Dean took another shaky breath and let his eyes roam over Castiel's innocent, earnest face. Castiel was holding his face gently in his hands and his thumbs were stroking his cheeks lightly, looking into his eyes with such caring concern, and Dean suddenly felt like crap. "I don't deserve you, Cas." He croaked, more tears falling into Castiel's hands. "You're such a good person…" And Dean had only befriended him on a lame dare to take him to prom and just take advantage of Castiel's kindness. He didn't deserve to have such a loyal, caring friend when Dean was such a loser.

Castiel frowned, he was pretty sure that should be the other way around. But a week ago, Castiel had no friends. Dean came along, the good soul that he was and gave him a chance to experience friendship, he'd trusted him and let him into his life when no one else had. If anything, Castiel didn't deserve Dean. "You make it sound like you aren't." he said, wondering why that was. He brushed Dean's hair back, trying to make him look a little more presentable.

Dean closed his eyes guiltily, unable to look at Castiel any longer. "Because I'm really not," he insisted, shaking his head and making a feeble attempt to pull away, but he didn't get far because Castiel was still holding him. "I'm sorry," He whispered in a broken voice, eyes still closed. If Castiel really knew why Dean had befriended him in the first place, he had a feeling Cas wouldn't be too happy about it. Dean felt terrible hiding it, but he couldn't tell Cas. He didn't want to hurt him.

"Well I disagree" Castiel said firmly, holding Dean close not letting him hide away. "You are kind, and thoughtful and I won't have you thinking any less. You are a good person, Dean." He couldn't believe Dean really thought he was such a bad person. Dean hadn't done anything wrong, he'd been standing up for Castiel. He held him when he had nightmares and he shared his most intimate secrets with him. He trusted Castiel and it took a good person to invoke their trust in somebody like that.

Dean didn't know how this had happened. He'd started out faking it to get Cas to like him just so he could impress his friends, and now they were so intertwined in each other that Dean couldn't imagine not having met him. Cas trusted him, and Dean wasn't going to let that stupid dare ruin everything. He had to tell Cas somehow, because it wasn't fair to hide it from him, and Cas would probably hate him forever if he knew, but Dean didn't want to tell him about it, because he didn't want Cas to get hurt. The guilt was overwhelming, and Dean just wanted to curl up and die. "Don't ever change," he choked out, leaning his forehead against Castiel's and trying to breathe.

When Dean rested his forehead against his, he reached out to stroke Dean's hair again thinking Dean was getting wound up again. "I won't" he promised. He couldn't understand where all this was coming from. Dean was upset for his car, understandable but now he was clinging to Castiel. Telling him he was a good person and think he wasn't himself. Had Dean done something? If anything he should be saying his brothers were bad people not himself. He wanted to ask but didn't want to risk hurting or upsetting Dean not when he was this fragile. He began breathing in deep breaths, encouraging Dean to do the same. "It's okay, Dean."

Dean groaned quietly in frustration and leaned his face into Castiel's shoulder again. He hated feeling so helpless. He hated hiding from Cas, and he hated that Cas had worked his way under Dean's armor and stuck, and he hated that he needed Cas now. All of this had been building up, and Dean realized how much of a dick he really was for pulling Castiel into this, and even if Ash promised not to say anything, Dean was still worried Cas was going to find out about everything, and it was better if he heard it from Dean himself. They were too involved now, and all Dean wanted to do was be honest, especially with what had just happened to his car. "No, it's not okay," he said, backing away a little and wiping his eyes. He tried to compose himself. This was it, he was going to tell Cas. He couldn't keep it in any longer. "You're going to hate me when I tell you this, but I deserve it."

Castiel froze, "Tell me what, Dean?" What could Dean done to think he deserves Castiel's hate? Was this why he was so upset? He didn't understand. He kept his arm around Dean, supporting him no matter what he was about to say. Dean was his friend, he should be able to confide in him.

The last thing Dean wanted to do was meet Castiel's eyes, but he forced himself to hold his gaze as he spoke. "Remember when I first started talking to you last week, and you were really confused and weirded out?" He started, allowing a pause to let that much sink in before he could bring himself to continue. This was going to be very, very difficult, and Dean was likely going to lose a friend, but Castiel deserved to know the truth.

Castiel's breath was almost in-existent.. he didn't want to hear what Dean was about to say. It could only be bad. Yet whatever it was was obviously upsetting Dean so he had to pressed on, ignoring how fast his heart was pounding against his chest. He squeezed Dean's arm lightly to gesture for him continue.

Dean took a deep breath and glanced down for a moment, clenching his jaw tightly. He looked up at the sky, at the trees around them, anywhere but Castiel's face, and then finally collided his gaze with Castiel's again. "I'm sorry… I understand if you never want to see me again…" He sighed in frustration and closed his eyes, then opened them again and started over. "Ash and the guys pressured me into being friends with you and they dared me to take you to prom." He said quickly, and buried his head in his hands again, dreading Castiel's reaction. He felt horrible. He wanted to die.

Castiel was speechless, he was frozen. His face a mixture of emotions. If Castiel thought about it, it made sense. Someone like Dean wouldn't exactly just want to be friends with him. It's not that part Castiel was upset with. It's what happened after that..the night at the cabin, their profound bond..none of it was real. Dean had just been pretending, he'd opened up to Dean. Showed him at his most vulnerable and he'd abused it. Castiel was crying now, silent tears rolling down his cheeks."Why would you do something like that?" he choked, moving away from Dean, pulling his knees up to his chest.

"I don't know," Dean groaned, digging his fingernails into his forehead, wanting to claw his own face off. Cas wasn't in front of him anymore, and Dean was cold again. His chest ached and breathing was painful. "I'm so sorry," he sobbed out, unable to move, unable to look at Cas and see the damage he'd done. "I'm so sorry, Cas," he chanted over and over, as if the words would help at all. His voice was totally wrecked, but he kept saying it. "I'm sorry. Cas, I'm so sorry…" And then he was sobbing bitterly. He'd just ruined everything.

Castiel could feel his heart beat in his ears, his nerves short-circuited as the tears flowed. Castiel was looking at the grass in front of him, anywhere but Dean. He didn't want to ask. Didn't want to get hurt again but he needed to know. "Was it ever real?" Castiel had trusted Dean, they'd laughed and cried together. It couldn't have all been a lie, could it? Castiel was pulling at short straws he knew this but what he felt with Dean.. after the night in the cabin. Dean seemed different. It couldn't have been all for some dare. It just couldn't, Castiel didn't want to believe it.

The words shocked Dean and he sat up straighter, looking at Cas, but Cas wasn't looking back at him, so Dean just stared at the top of his head. "Yes," he whispered, eyes stinging and throat tight. "Cas, it's all real, can't you see that? It wasn't supposed to happen, it wasn't supposed to be like this…" He exhaled shakily and tugged hard at his hair, then dragged his fingernails roughly down his face, pressing hard, almost drawing blood. "Shit. I'm sorry." Dean didn't know what else he could say; there was no way Cas was going to ever trust him again after this. He couldn't breath. His chest hurt, and he doubled up in pain and closed his eyes, tears flowing freely.

Castiel bit his lip, he wanted desperately to believe Dean. To think a dare initiated what would become a strong connection between the two of them. "I'm not going to prom." Castiel said as if it was obvious already. He could believe Dean was going to make him go to prom. Everyone would know it wasn't real, he was going to make him stand there whilst everyone laughed behind his back. "If this is real then you won't either." There it was, Castiel's selfish side. He knew he was being unreasonable but it was Dean's chance to prove to him that he could trust him. That prom and everyone else meant nothing and that their friendship actually meant something to Dean.

"I know," Dean muttered sadly, "Of course I'm not going, Cas. Why the hell would I even want to go now?" Dean sighed miserably and chewed on his lower lip, not looking at Cas anymore. "Cas, I'm really sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me, ever, and I totally deserve that, but I'll do /anything/ to prove to you that I meant everything I ever said to you, and I enjoy spending time with you, so much that it scares me, and I…" Dean let out another miserable, frustrated sigh and then said in a small voice, "I'm so sorry."

Castiel wanted to wrap his arms around Dean and tell him he was forgiven, anything to see him happy again. He just couldn't bring himself to do it, Dean had really hurt him. He'd promised he'd never hurt Castiel and he had, Castiel didn't know how to feel anymore. He felt numb. Castiel could tell Dean was being sincere and genuinely didn't mean to screw him over like this but it didn't mean it didn't hurt any less. He sighed wearily, his head hurt. Everything hurt. He reached out his hand timidly for Dean's, trying to find some connection with them again. He didn't know how to make this better. He needed sleep.

Dean jumped when Castiel touched his hand, and looked up in shock. Castiel's face was tear-stained and miserable, his eyes downcast looking at their hands, lashes thick and wet and brow furrowed in pain. Dean's heart thumped once loudly and his breath hitched. He tentatively turned his hand over so their palms were together and entwined their fingers loosely, making sure that Cas could pull away if he wanted to. What did this mean? Dean didn't think he was forgiven, because that was too much to ask, so maybe Cas was willing to give him a second chance. He wondered why he hadn't been punched yet.

Castiel stared intently at their hands, images and snippets of conversations running through his mind. All of them made him feel warm inside, Dean's smile, his confidence, his kind heart..all of it seemed bitter now. Tainted sour by some stupid dare. He knew Dean had meant every word but he just couldn't help but be his paranoid self, the little voice telling him this was still part of the joke. He sighed, squeezing Dean's hand lightly. "I want to be friends." he said truthfully. "I just need time" he sighed, never looking away from their hands.

"You can hit me if you want," Dean offered desperately, "I deserve it." His chest tightened hopefully. Cas still wanted to be his friend, even after this, and Dean didn't know what good thing he'd done to meet someone as amazing as Castiel. Dean would never stop feeling guilty about this. He had a feeling this was something that was going to haunt him for a very long time. He brought his other hand up and held Castiel's hand in both of his. "Cas, what can I do to make it up to you?" He asked seriously, leaning closer and trying to meet Castiel's eyes.

Castiel's eyes went wide, he tore his gaze from their hands and looked up at Dean. "I don't want to hurt you." he said quietly, despite it all he still wanted to care for Dean. Hurting him wouldn't make Castiel feel better. It'd only make him feel worse. He was all levels of pathetic Castiel was beginning to wonder if it were even possible to be this sad and inadequate. His gaze lowered back to their hands when Dean put his other hand around his. "I don't know. Just keep being honest with me." He wasn't really sure how to fix this, he supposed it would just heal with time.

Dean stared at Castiel for a long moment before sighing and saying, "I didn't want to tell you about this, but I just couldn't deal with it any longer, I felt horrible… you trusted me so much… " Dean trailed off sadly, wondering if they would ever get back to what they had been. "I don't want to hide anything from you." He brought Castiel's hand up to his face, their fingers still intwined, and pressed the backs of their fingers to his cheek, closing his eyes tightly. "I don't know how to apologize…" he whispered brokenly.

Castiel considered this, he supposed it was better of Dean to come clean sooner rather than later. "I appreciate you telling me" he smiled sheepishly. He would rather have not heard it at all but at least this way he wouldn't have to be humiliated at prom and more than likely completely loose Dean from his life. That's not what he wanted. His gaze followed their hands as it came up to stroke Dean's cheek."You already have..I may not accept it fully but we will get there." he promised, he was determined for them to get back on track. He wasn't letting Dean slip away that easily.

Dean opened his eyes and looked up at Cas through his lashes, and there was a tentative, little smile on Castiel's face. Dean just gazed at him in amazed disbelief. "You're an angel, Cas." He breathed, pressing his lips against their fingers and holding them there for a moment, realizing how lucky he was to have met Cas, and get a second chance even after Dean had screwed everything up. Dean wasn't good at lasting friendships or relationships with people; screwing up was what he was good. He lowered their hands back to the grass between them but didn't let go. "I really don't deserve you."

Castiel blushed when Dean kissed his fingers, watching him intently. He smiled at the comment. It felt more personal than Dean probably realized..what with all his drawings of angels, it was just one of those things he used to associate himself with when times were bad. Help him feel better. It occurred to him he had Dean for that now. He looked down at their hands, smiling faintly. "Well whether you like it or not, you're stuck with me." he said timidly, daring to glance up at Dean offering a small grin.

Dean looked up shyly, hardly daring to believe that Cas still wanted to be friends with Dean even after Dean had betrayed him like this. Dean studied Castiel's face carefully. He was smiling shyly and looking at him like Dean hadn't just torn his heart out and stomped on it, and Dean felt his face pulling itself into an answering smile, even as his eyes began watering again. He was overwhelmed with emotion, and he let go of Castiel's hand to pull the other boy into a crushing hug, burying his face in his hair and trying not to cry again.

Castiel yelped when he was yanked into a hug but soon recovered and wrapped his arms around Dean. His face buried in the other boy's neck. No matter what Dean had just admitted to doing, Castiel couldn't help but feel safe in Dean's arms. He wasn't sure what that said about him. Maybe he had major trust issues…he shouldn't be warming up to Dean like this. He should have sent him away but Dean was the only one who understood him. It may have started off as something false but it blossomed into something stronger than either of the could have envisioned and Castiel wasn't going to let go of what he had. Castiel held onto Dean tightly, whispering reassuring things into his ear to calm the other.

Castiel returned the embrace, and they were pressed against one another so tight that Dean could feel Castiel's heart beating. Dean realized with confusion that he had never been this physically comfortable with any of his friends and even most of his girlfriends, unless they were making out. Normally, he tried to maintain some semblance of a personal bubble, but with Castiel it was different. Dean wanted to be close to Castiel, and he supposed that Castiel wanted to be close to him to, and Dean could only assume that it was as comforting for the other boy as it was for him.

Castiel pulled away slightly, so he could see Dean's face. "You okay?" he asked with concern. Dean had just lost his car and almost Castiel by telling him the truth that had probably been eating him up inside all week. He was bound to be feeling exhausted and over-whelmed. Castiel rubbed his hand over Dean's back soothingly. "Do you want me to walk you home?" he asked with a soft smile.

Dean looked down at the ground for a moment before glancing up uncertainly at Castiel. "You don't have to," he mumbled, "I mean, my house is pretty far and you've already missed enough class because of me." Dean turned his head in the direction of the school. It was silent and deserted outside, and they were far from the building and out of sight of any windows, but Dean could still see the parking lot from where they were sitting. The fire had been put out, and he could see his car, charred and dusty with soot, sitting by itself in a puddle of water and ashes. Dean suddenly felt very tired, and he sighed deeply, not knowing what to do.

"I'm not leaving you like this, Dean." he said firmly, squeezing Dean's arm. He managed to get to his feet, feeling a little wobbly after the tears and pain they'd just gone through. He felt a bit light-headed. He held out his hand for Dean, hoisting him to his feet. "You need to sleep," he said, seeing how exhausted Dean looked. Castiel was used to it, always feeling emotionally drained but Dean.. he doubt he rarely indulged in bringing his emotions to the surface. His body was probably in shock from it all.

"Yeah," Dean found himself agreeing, and he numbly stood up when Castiel offered his hand. He didn't know what he was feeling, or if he was even feeling anything. He was in a daze, his emotions wrecked from everything that had just happened. He didn't look at Cas, didn't look at anything, really. He felt like he was floating, and not in a good way, but not exactly in a bad way either. It was similar to how he'd felt in the days right after his mom died. He let Castiel hold him up, because if he didn't Dean was going to crumble.

Once Dean stood up, Castiel placed a hand timidly on Dean's back to guide him in the right direction. He didn't think holding his hand would be appropriate but he knew from experience physical contact could help to focus the mind, to have that support. Not that Castiel had had that in years, the last time someone helped him through things was his grand-mere .. until Dean came along that is. He guided them out the school so they didn't have to pass through the parking lot, he didn't think Dean would want to look at his beloved car right now.

Dean allowed himself to be led away from the tree and in the opposite direction of the parking lot, putting distance between Dean and his ruined car. Castiel's hand on his back was the only thing keeping him together. He didn't know where Cas was taking him, but he would go anywhere with Cas. A small part of him wondered how he had come to trust Castiel so much, but mostly Dean was just tired and wanted this horrible day to be over.

Castiel wasn't sure where Dean lived so took him back to his house. His parents would be out and his brothers would still be at school so Castiel figured he could stay there at least a little while until he had enough sense to be able to make it home. He probably should have gone and asked Sam where he lived. It'd be easier but there wasn't time. It'd only bring up more questions. He just needed to let Dean sleep. They eventually made it to his house, and Castiel guided Dean up the stairs and onto his bed. "You can relax here. Go to sleep, Dean." he crooned, picking his cat off of the bed so Dean could lie down.

Dean looked around. They were in Castiel's bedroom, which was relatively normal looking, but very different from Dean's. It wasn't messy, but it wasn't perfectly clean either, and it was comfortable. Before Cas could push him onto the bed, Dean resisted a little. "Are you sure you're okay with this?" Dean asked hesitantly, glancing guiltily at Cas and rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. "What about when your brothers come home?"

Castiel stroked under the chin of his cat, to which she rubbed her head against his hand in approval, purring softly. "It'll be fine. You can go home once I know it's okay to leave you by yourself. But for now you're staying here." he ordered uncharacteristically. "After what they did…they won't bother me for a while so you don't have to worry about that. If anything goes wrong you can easily escape through the window. I do it all the time." he smiled, trying to assure Dean. He sat on the floor, leaning against the wall opposite his bed and cuddling his cat. "Just get some rest." he said softly.

Dean watched Cas petting his cat for a moment, considering insisting that he was fine, but they both knew he wasn't, so Dean sighed reluctantly and sat down on the edge of the bed. He kicked his shoes off and then looked up at Cas hesitantly, remembering how safe and comfortable he'd felt when they'd held each other that night in the cabin, and then blushed and looked away. There was no way he could ask Castiel to do that again, he'd already done so much and Dean didn't feel comfortable asking for more.

Castiel looked up at Dean, he looked uncomfortable. He bit his lip, that was the last thing he wanted Dean to feel. He'd been through so much today, he wanted him to feel safe here. Despite his cats protests he lifted them off the floor and he came and sat timidly by Dean. "This is Amber." he introduced, trying to get Dean's mind off whatever negative thing was going through his mind. "She's a Scottish Fold." he smiled down at her, stroking behind her ear.

Dean smiled slightly when Cas sat next to him with his cat and introduced her. "She's beautiful," Dean said, placing his hand close to Amber's nose as she sniffed him curiously. He tentatively pet her cheek with his fingertips, and she leaned into the touch. "I've never had a cat," Dean admitted, "Sammy's allergic." Dean never told anyone, but he'd wanted a pet for ages. His family wasn't really too fond of animals, and Sam had severe allergies to pet fur, so they'd never had one before.

"So is Gabriel." he grinned. She helped protect him. Gabriel couldn't come into Castiel's room for more than a few minutes before he started sneezing and hacking. Amber reached out to Dean's touch, suddenly disinterested in Castiel and walked over him to sit in Dean's lap, inspecting the newcomer with curiosity. Castiel smiled, "She likes you." He was glad she liked Dean, it would be a bit embarrassing if she started scratching him like she did with Balthazar.

Dean huffed a laugh when he thought of Gabriel sneezing with watery eyes and itchy skin, the image was too beautiful. When Amber suddenly decided to sit on Dean's lap instead of Castiel, he tensed in surprise and grinned down at her, petting her more confidently now. She stretched her head up to Dean and sniffed at his face, and Dean tilted down to giver her better access, and drew in a surprised breath when she pressed her wet nose hard against his forehead and rubbed against him. "Hey, Amber. You're such a good kitty," he said softly, tickling her chin. He glanced at Castiel and met his gaze for a long moment, still smiling slightly. "Thanks, Cas." He didn't say what for, meaning everything.

Castiel chuckled, glad see Amber had made a new friend. Castiel had owned her since she was a kitten but he had to raise her as a house cat. If she went outside too much he was sure his brothers would find a way to make sure she ran away and not come back. He met Dean's eyes and smiled warmly. "Get some sleep" he said gently, half-heartedly trying to get Amber's attention so Dean could lie down.

Dean gently pushed Amber off his lap and set her on the bed beside him before laying down, resting his head on the pillow that smelled like Cas, and sighed deeply. He really was tired, and he knew he had to deal with all of this crap, he had to call the police and tell his dad what had happened, and he wasn't looking forward to any of it, but right now he could sleep. He could deal with all of that stuff later. But he really didn't want to be alone right now. "Uh… Cas?" he asked awkwardly.

Castiel lay down on the bed, keeping Amber between them. "Just go to sleep." he crooned, brushing Dean's hair back. He wasn't sure whether this is what Dean wanted but after the night in the cabin he decided physically being there for Dean would be comforting for him. So he lay by his side, stroking his cat absently, keeping within arms reach of Dean. If Dean wanted him to leave he would, he just needed to make sure he'd be okay.

Dean breathed a sigh of relief when Castiel laid down beside him, glad that he didn't have to ask him to directly. He smiled and turned onto his side so they were facing each other, Amber warm and soft between them, purring contentedly as Castiel pet her, and Dean joined in with the petting, stroking his fingers through her soft fur, and then caught Castiel's hand in his own, entwining their fingers again. "Thanks Cas," he said meaningfully. "Don't know what I would do without you."

_Driving your perfectly functional car on the way to the prom with an attractive girl on your arm, _Castiel thought. If they'd never met, none of this would have happened and Castiel would _need _to be comforting Dean right now. Although, in his own selfish way, Castiel was glad this had all happened because it brought them closer together. Castiel bit his lip, looking at their hands. Dean had betrayed his trust and here he was comforting Dean instead. It should have been pathetic. It was pathetic but Castiel loved Dean too much. He was a good friend and he didn't want to loose him. "And I you." he said quietly, feeling his own exhaustion take over him.

Dean looked up at him in surprise. Dean certainly didn't deserve Castiel after everything that had happened to him because of Dean, and the fact that Castiel was allowing him to be here was surprising enough. But Castiel needed him just as much as Dean needed Castiel, and it was unexpected. Dean stared at him for a moment, but Castiel didn't say anything else, so Dean stroked his thumb against the back of Castiel's hand once and then closed his eyes.

Castiel feel asleep with his hand entwined with Dean's and Amber curled up against his chest. It was comforting and warm and he hadn't felt safer in his own bed. He soon awoke a few hours later to something fluffy pawing at his face. He blinked awake, to find Amber in his face. Dean was half slumped on top of him and his face pressed into the pillow. Amber was sat on Dean's head peering down at Castiel swiping her paws and Castiel to get his attention. He couldn't help but giggle softly at the sight. However because Dean was half on top of him he couldn't move his arms to move Amber, so he was trapped and giggling away too himself like a maniac.

Dean awoke slowly to giggles, feeling warm and comfortable. He was facedown on the pillow and there was a soft weight on his head, and Dean realized he was basically laying on top of Castiel. Castiel was laughing quietly, but he was close enough that it sounded loud to Dean in the quiet room, and Dean lifted his head up, and Amber slid off his head, leaving fur on Dean's face and all over the pillow. Dean blinked in confusion and looked down at Castiel, who was still halfway under Dean, and grinned lazily at him, feeling a lot better. At the back of his mind there was still the issue of his destroyed car, but in this moment he didn't want to think about that, not when they'd just woken up and were lying tangled up in each other, warm and comfortable, on Castiel's bed. Dean knew this wasn't the behavior people participated in with their friends, and maybe Castiel wasn't strictly a friend. What they had was… well, it was a profound bond.

Amber looked miffed as she was forced to moved, instead curling up by the foot of the bed. Castiel was still chuckling to himself, he'd never felt so comfortable and happy to wake up. He'd certainly never woken up like this before, Castiel was wondering whether it would become a regular thing with them. It wasn't strictly what friends did but Castiel didn't care, it was nice. It was something just between them, no one else and that felt like the best feeling in the world. "Hey" he smiled sheepishly, still unable to move.

"Good morning, angel." Dean said with an affectionately teasing grin, and rolled away a little bit so Castiel was no longer trapped underneath him, but he left an arm draped comfortably around Castiel's waist. With his other hand, he rubbed his eyes. "What time is it?" He mumbled, looking around the room for a clock, but he was unable to see one from his position and was too comfortable to sit up and search.

Castiel blushed at the endearment, turning a little to get comfortable as Dean moved away slightly. He fumbled for his phone on the floor, glaring at the screen bleary eyed. "7:28" he read before putting his phone down with a groan. He hadn't meant to sleep for so long but it been so comfortable lying here with Dean. He was thankful he'd remembered to put the lock over his door. That told his mom when he just wanted to be left alone, so he assumed when she went to check on him last night she'd of gotten the message. Small miracles do happen, Castiel thought."It's Saturday though. You can go back to sleep if you want." he yawned, curling up at Dean's side as Amber decided to sit on Dean's chest.

Dean looked at Castiel in horror and propped himself up on his elbows, sending Amber tumbling off his chest with a disgruntled meow. "7:28 in the morning?!" He exclaimed, "Oh my god, Dad's gonna be pissed… Sammy's probably freaking out…" He flopped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling with a groan. He really didn't want to go home right now, he wanted to stay here, where it was safe and warm. Castiel was a warm, solid weight against his side and Amber was settling back down on top of Dean. "Guess I can't leave now, huh." Dean pretended to be annoyed, but he pet behind the cat's ears and she purred in pleasure, making Dean smile.

Castiel felt guilty, he had forgotten all about Sam. He would have gone to meet Dean after school only to find the car in ash. He must have been having a heart attack wondering what happened to his brother. As for his dad..well, the less Castiel thought of Dean's dad the better. He smiled when Amber made the decision for him and back down on Dean. Castiel reached out a hand to stroke her, brushing against Dean's hand as he did so. He blushed slightly but didn't move his hand away.

Their hands were touching slightly now, both resting on Amber's fur, and Dean timidly moved his hand closer to Castiel's and started to slowly lace their fingers together. It occurred to Dean that this was the second night he'd spent in bed with a gay guy, and it surprised him that he was so comfortable doing this. He knew they had some kind of unusual connection, and Dean had never felt closer to anybody. He didn't know what that said about him, and he might be questioning his sexuality just a little bit.

Castiel blushed, daring to look up from Amber to Dean. If possible his cheeks grew even redder. He smiled timidly, knowing this was Dean's way of saying they'd be okay. He felt his eyelids grow heavy as sleep drew him back in. He moaned softly, shifting until he could get comfortable. He closed his eyes and fell asleep again, his hand still entwined with Dean's.

Dean sighed in contentment and giggled slightly when he saw how red Castiel's cheeks were… and it made him wonder if Castiel was feeling the same way he did; uncertain. When Castiel snuggled up closer to Dean, turning onto his side slightly and closing his eyes again, Dean did the same, even though he knew he had to deal with his problems. "What if your family finds out I'm in here?" he mumbled.

"The window is always an option." he muttered. Leaning towards Dean, he sighed with content. He was silent for a few minutes before bringing himself out of his sleepy state to peer one eye open to look over at Dean. "If this is troubling you, you don't have to.." he trailed off, feeling his cheeks heat up again.

Dean shook his head and frowned without opening his eyes. "Cas, don't. This is… it's good, actually." He was blushing a little. His fingers were still tangled with Castiel's, and his tightened his grip just a little, so Cas wouldn't let go. "What are we doing?" Dean asked in bewilderment. "Like, what is this?" He hoped Castiel would understand what Dean meant, because he didn't really want to say it out loud, but he had a feeling Cas might be on the same page as him.

Castiel bit his lip, he wasn't quite sure how to answer that. After all they been through, they were more than friends but after how Dean betrayed him he wasn't sure he could allow them to be more than friends either. "I don't know." he whispered, chuckling nervously. "I guess, it can be whatever we want it to be." he answered without actually really answering Dean's question because quite frankly, he didn't really want to think about it. He just wanted to enjoy what they were, not complicate it by thinking too much about it.

Dean opened both of his eyes and turned his head to look at Castiel carefully, and he could see the nervousness and uncertainty in his eyes, and Dean smiled softly, reassuringly. "I think I agree with that," Dean said, and turned his face back to the ceiling, staring at it thoughtfully. Dean supposed it would be better if they just let things happen like they were, and not think about anything, which was perfectly fine. Things were good between them now, and Dean was happy with the way they were.

Castiel smiled, glad Dean understood. He shuffled a little closer, Amber shifting to sit on Dean's chest. This allowed Castiel to practically curl up by Dean's side. He bit his lip, dipping his head so Dean couldn't see his face as he timidly rested his head on his chest next to his cat. It was comfortable, he was warm. He felt safe. He was afraid Dean was going to push him away but he it felt nice.

Dean tensed in surprise as Castiel slid closer and laid his head on Dean's chest, making Dean's breath hitch in his throat and his heart almost skip a beat. But Dean instantly relaxed under the comforting, warm weight of both Castiel and Amber on his chest, and wiggled his arm out from between their bodies and placed it around Cas to keep him close, smiling slightly in amazement at what they were doing. Dean would be perfectly content to stay there all day, and he wondered if Castiel felt the same. "Comfy?" Dean murmured into Castiel's hair.

"Very" he smiled coyly. He was glad that Dean allowed him to do this, he was surprised that he was even doing it but it felt comfortable. His hand reached out lazily to stroke Amber who purred contently at the touch. Dean's warm arm around his waist made him feel safe and made him shuffle closer.

Dean laughed quietly, feeling completely relaxed as he felt Amber's purring vibrating through his chest and Castiel's body close to his. "Me too," he agreed, and pressed a kiss against the top of Castiel's head without thinking. Castiel's hair tickled his chin and cheeks. He couldn't see Castiel's face, and Dean was glad Castiel couldn't see his, because Dean was blushing uncontrollably.

Castiel's breath hitched as Dean kissed him. His face grew incredibly red, he felt like his skin was on fire. He pretended like it wasn't a big deal but inside he was practically screaming. Dean had just kissed him.. He continued to stroke Amber to make it look like nothing had happened.

Dean heard Castiel's small, surprised intake of breath and felt him stiffen a little, and Dean winced in embarrassment. "Sorry," he muttered, "Don't know why I did that…" He trailed off, smiling sheepishly into Castiel's soft black hair and tightened his arm around Castiel's waist slightly.

"It's okay" he whispered, brushing his hand against Dean's chest lightly. He bit his lip, blushing, he didn't want to think about what that meant. Just enjoy it. He reached up to kiss Dean's chin where he could reach. There. Now they're even. Now they didn't have to think about it and go back to embracing one another without feeling like his skin was about to catch fire.

When Castiel trailed his fingers lightly across Dean's chest, barely touching him, Dean shivered slightly, trying not to think about why. Suddenly, Castiel's hair was in his mouth as he tilted his head up so Dean could see his face a little, and Castiel was blushing deeply, which was amusing. Dean grinned at him, but then Castiel's nose bumped the underside of Dean's chin and then his lips were there for a brief moment, pressing a soft kiss against the skin there, and Dean smiled and blushed deeper. This was getting ridiculous, they were acting like 13 year olds with a crush. When Cas tipped his head back down and settled against Dean's chest again, resting his cheek right above Dean's collarbone, Dean slid his hand up Castiel's back to tangle in his hair.

Castiel settled a little when Dean seemed to relax by Castiel's actions. Maybe it reassured the other, that whatever this was was okay. Even though Castiel wasn't quite sure himself. This was a mess, but a kind of good mess. He had no idea what was going on but he was excited. He shivered lightly as Dean's hand ran up his spine and into his hair. He bit his lip, trying to control himself. He was turning red and he could not be more embarrassed by the fact. Amber, with her perfect timing skills, took this opportunity to make matters worse for Castiel and lick his nose. Her way of showing her affection, whilst Castiel thought of it more as a way to embarrass him in the weirdest way possible.

Dean laughed warmly as Amber licked Castiel's nose, causing the other boy to turn his face into Dean's chest to try to escape. Castiel's hair tickled Dean's nose when he did this, and Dean turned his head away, screwing his eyes shut as he tried not to sneeze, but he sneezed anyway, his entire body jerking on the bed and throwing Amber off balance. She meowed in annoyance and then settled down again, and suddenly Dean couldn't stop laughing.

Castiel raised an eyebrow as he dared a glance up at Dean who was laughing uncontrollably. He looked over at Amber who didn't exactly look too pleased. Castiel couldn't help but laugh too, his amusement getting the better of him. He reached out to stroke Amber as she settled back down. Castiel bit his lip, his laughter subsiding as he looked up at Dean with a bashful grin.

When they finally stopped laughing, they met each other's eyes and Dean looked down at Castiel, who was smiling shyly up at him, and Dean's hand reached up and stroked Castiel's hair back from his face without his mind's consent, and his fingers lingered a moment on Castiel's cheek. "I should go," Dean said reluctantly, "Sam's probably sent out a search party by now, and if Dad found out about my car he's not gonna be too happy," Dean smiled sadly and wrapped both arms around Cas, hugging him tight and burying his face in the other boy's hair. "But I wanna stay," he mumbled.

Castiel leaned into the touch, watching Dean with soft eyes. His smile faltered when Dean said he had to go but nodded gently, "I understand," He knew he had to leave at some point but Castiel's selfishness just wanted Dean to stay. He held on tightly to Dean as if this would change his mind. "If you need help..I can vouch for what they did to your car if it'll help. Just, uh, you have my number. Let me know how it went." he said weakly, not really wanting Dean to leave at all. He brushed his hand against his chest, dipping his head down to lean against him.

Dean didn't let go of Castiel, instead tracing his finger up and down the bumps of Castiel's spine. "I can stay for a little longer," Dean reasoned. It would be fine. It was only about 7:30 in the morning, and his dad was probably still sleeping, so Dean guessed he had a little more time to spend with Castiel. He felt like a magnet, attached to Castiel's side, and it would take a lot of willpower to get him to leave.

Castiel bit his lip, forcing back a smile. "I don't want to get you in trouble." he mumbled half-heartedly. He didn't want Dean to leave but he knew he'd have to eventually the least he could do was save Dean the trouble of being told off by his dad. He snuggled up to his side, stroking Amber lazily. "I wish we were in the cabin." he sighed softly. At least that way they could stay and feel comfortable without being disturbed.

(

"Nah, it's fine… my dad's probably just gonna be upset about the car, and he knows that I don't come home some nights without letting him know where I am, so it's okay." Suddenly, the floor creaked and there were footsteps somewhere in the house, and Dean remembered where he was and what could happen. He tensed and eyed the locked door anxiously. "Cas," he whispered.

Castiel tensed a little as Dean did before willing himself to look relaxed. "It's okay, it's just my mom." he assured, in a soft whisper. "She'll be gone in a moment." He gripped Dean's arm, squeezing it reassuringly. A few moments passed and the creaking came close to Castiel's room. A light tap on his door took the breath out of his lungs. Castiel considered ignoring it but then it would only concern his mom more, he stood and answered the door. He kept the door half closed so she couldn't see Dean. She handed him a pouch of Cat food and kissed his cheek. She gave him a look which he couldn't identify before leaving for work. He closed the door behind her and sighed heavily.

Dean was frozen on the bed, propped up on his elbows and staring at the door in fear. If he had to, he'd leap out the window, but it was reassuring that it was only Castiel's mom. Dean breathed a sigh of relief when the door closed again, and flopped back onto the bed. "Good thing it wasn't your brothers," Dean whispered, suddenly worried that he would be heard in the morning quiet of the house. He held his arms out for Castiel to come back and batted his eyelashes playfully. "Hold me!" he pleaded quietly in his Kate Winslet voice.

Castiel smiled timidly, chucking softly at the sight of Dean. He could always make Castiel laugh. He locked the door again, pouring the food into Amber's bowl before returning back to the bed. He wrapped his arms back around Dean tightly, resting his head on Dean's chest. "They'll be up soon." he said reluctantly, not wanting Dean to leave.

Dean hummed happily when Castiel came back to the bed and laid down in his arms again while Amber jumped off the bed and eagerly trotted over to her food bowl. It was really amazing and unbelievable how much Cas trusted him, even after Dean had betrayed him. "I'll get out of here before then," Dean said with a weary sigh, not wanting to leave the comfort of Castiel's bed.

Castiel hummed in acknowledgement, burring his face into Dean's neck. Dean should really leave before his brothers woke but Castiel was too content with lying next to Dean. "I think we should go to the cabin for prom." he said quietly. There was no way he was going to prom that was for sure but if they both didn't go they could do something surely. The idea of spending their own prom together sounded very appealing. They could have fun, be themselves.

Dean tilted his head up a little when Castiel buried his face in his neck, shivering slightly when Cas spoke against his skin. Dean could feel Castiel's voice vibrating through his throat, and Dean grinned. "That's a great idea. Only problem is we don't have a way to get there now…" He rubbed his hand up and down Castiel's back in wide, smooth circles, chasing the warmth he radiated. He thought longingly of his destroyed car, and realized he wouldn't have time to fix it since prom was tonight.

Castiel bit his lip, feeling guilty. He buried his face further to hide his expression. "I guess we could ride.." he suggested. He desperately wanted to get away. "It's not too far. We could go by bike." He knew he sounded needy and desperate but he didn't care. He needed this. After everything that happened he just needed some time to relax. Knowing he was safe away from his brothers.

Dean laughed and poked Cas in the side. "I could probably borrow my dad's car if he's not too mad about the Impala," Dean mused. "I'll tell him I'm picking my date up. He probably won't care." He blushed when he realized he'd just called Castiel his date, and quickly tried to cover it up by saying, "Besides, there's no way I'm riding a bike in a dress, dude."

Castiel snorted out a laugh, covering his mouth to muffle the noise. His laughter subsided into a quiet giggle. "Can't wait to see it." he smiled. He was grateful for Dean being so kind, making everything light-hearted and fun. He cuddled back up against Dean, "As long as we can go, Dean. I just…I just need to." he explained lamely. He hope Dean understood because it was embarrassing enough saying he needed to get away from t all. He sounded like he was having a mid-life crisis twenty years early.

Dean's smile softened a little and he turned his head and tilted downwards to press his lips against Castiel's temple. "I know," he murmured, "I need it too." He knew exactly what Cas meant; they both needed to escape their daily lives for a little while and just feel free and safe, and they could feel that in each other's presence. "So. What are we wearing? Tuxedos? Dresses? Street clothes?"

"You're not wearing a dress?" he gasped with a teasing smile. He chuckled, leaning into Dean's touch. "I don't mind. As long as we can get away I'll be happy." he murmured, pressing his nose to Dean's chin before timidly reaching up to kiss the other's chin. Dean's kisses to his forehead where reassuring, he felt safe. He was sure his kisses didn't convey the same confidence as Dean's but he wanted Dean to know it was all okay.

Dean grinned at the ceiling and blushed deeply when Castiel nuzzled his jaw and then kissed his chin carefully. It made Dean want to hug Castiel hard, so that's what he did, pressing his cheek against Castiel's hair. "I don't know what my dad would say if he saw me leaving the house wearing a dress and heels. I think it would be best if I just wore a tux. Fewer questions asked."

Castiel pouted, but didn't mind. It was only a joke anyway. "Okay." he said with a smirk, hiding his face from Dean as he felt his cheeks heat up as he imagined what Dean looked like in a tux. He supposed it would make sense for them to at least look the part even if they weren't going to prom. Dean was right, it would lead to fewer questions. "Save me a dance?" he asked hopefully. He loved to dance, he wondered whether Dean would be okay with Castiel letting loose and dancing when they got to the cabin.

"I thought you didn't dance!" Dean exclaimed in surprise. When Castiel agreed to go to prom with Dean, he'd said he wouldn't be dancing in front of people. "There's a CD player in the cabin, we can take it outside in the clearing by the lake… it gets really pretty at night, with the moon and the water and everything." Dean realized he was beginning to sound like the world's biggest romantic sap, but he didn't care. "We can have dinner, too." He added.

"I do..just not in large crowds." he said quietly. Castiel wasn't confident enough to be himself in front of other people, large groups especially. Though he trusted Dean, he could be himself in front of him and be comforted by the knowledge that Dean wouldn't laugh at him. "Sounds perfect." he smiled up at Dean, his eyes beaming. The solitude of the moonlight, the safety of seclusion it sounded ideal. Just what he needed. "Thank you, Dean." he said softly, cupping Dean's cheek.

Dean held very still as he looked into Castiel's eyes, aware of every place they were touching. Castiel's hand was smooth and steady against his face, and he found he was leaning into the touch slightly. "No problem…" he breathed, not daring himself to move. They were lying on the bed facing each other, staring into each other's eyes deeply, and Dean knew what this often led to, and he didn't know what to do, so he just stayed perfectly still and waited for Castiel to do something.

Castiel bit his lip, looking into Dean's eyes. They were friends, he told himself. He couldn't risk ruining this by..doing something that.. it would change what they were. He didn't want that.. well maybe a little. He wasn't blind after all and Dean was attractive but Dean was also his friend. His only friend. He couldn't ruin this. He lay his head back down against Dean's shoulder, pretending like that little moment never happened. "Sorry" he muttered embarrassingly, hiding his face in Dean's neck.

Dean was a little dazed, and he let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding, relaxing as Castiel settled back down and pressed his face into Dean's collarbone. Dean brought his hand up to rest on the back of Castiel's neck, which was warm and flushed with embarrassment. It was at this moment that Dean realized he wasn't as straight as he thought he was. He reflected back on everything that had happened in the past week and a half. And here he was cuddling in bed with a guy, and enjoying it. It was the last thing he'd expected.

Castiel mentally cursed, worrying what Dean would make of that but a hand soon drew up to his neck and Dean held him. Castiel let out a breath, relieved. He was worried Dean would get uncomfortable or something and back away. He tried to change the subject but couldn't think of anything to say that wasn't depressing. I.E, school, family and Dean's car. So he timidly looked up at Dean, curiosity evident in his eyes. "Dean, if I dance. Will you sing?" From what he remembered, Dean had a beautiful voice. It had a rugged edge to it that Castiel found irritable. He'd love to be able to dance to Dean's voice, it would just make his night.

Dean blushed a little and glanced away from Castiel. "Uh, yeah. Sure." He still wasn't very used to singing in front of people, but he guessed he wouldn't mind singing for Cas. He met his eyes again and smiled shyly. "Okay." He didn't really know why Castiel wanted to hear him sing, because Dean was nothing special, and he didn't sing that much. "We can have a campfire, if you want," Dean suggested, "And you can play your guitar and I'll sing."

Castiel smiled, blushing ferociously. He loved hearing Dean sing. He'd only been given the opportunity a few times but each time he felt like they were the only two people in the world that mattered. That's what Dean did to him, made him forget about everyone else and just concentrate on himself and those that mattered to him. "I've never played it before." he said sheepishly. His mom had bought him a guitar about a year ago but Castiel had kept it hidden. He didn't want his brothers to break it. He was saving it until college where it would be safe to play without risk of being damaged. So in the mean time he'd been playing the school's. "Okay. Deal." he bit his lip anxiously, looking up at Dean with a small timid smile.

Dean grinned down at him and ruffled his hair slightly. "Great." He rested his chin on the top of Castiel's head and then reached into the other boy's pocket for his phone and took it out to look at the time. "Wow, I should probably get going," Dean muttered reluctantly, shoving the phone back into Castiel's pocket and leaving his hand on his hip absently.

Castiel gasped softly, as Dean's hand travelled down. He didn't know what he was doing but he didn't try to stop him. He pulled out his phone and Castiel let out a breath in relief. He wasn't quite sure what he would do if Dean..well, that didn't matter now. He frowned when Dean said he had to leave. "Okay," he said quietly, looking over at Dean's hand on his hip. He swallowed dryly before reluctantly moving away so Dean could stand up. "You should probably go out the window. Less chance of waking everyone up by walking through the house." he muttered, leaning over Dean to open the window.

When the window was open, Dean yawned and stretched as he stood up. "Okay," he said tiredly, looking longingly at the bed. All he wanted to do was lay back down and pull Cas down with him, but he really needed to go. The worry in the back of his mind was increasing, and he didn't want to make his family worry any more than they already were. He walked over to Cas and pulled him into a hug, even though they'd just been hugging for a long time. "See you tonight, Cas. I'll pick you up."

Castiel hugged Dean back, burring his face into Dean's neck. It was silly really, they'd spent the night together and Dean hadn't left yet and he already missed him. "I'll look forward to it, Miss Winslet." he quipped, picking up on Dean's humour. He pressed a kiss to Dean's chin before reluctantly moving away and picking up Amber, needing something to hold.

Dean stared at Castiel after Cas just walked away after kissing his chin, and then he strode determinedly right up to Cas, grabbed his shoulders, and leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to Castiel's cheek. He backed away and grinned smugly at Cas before turning to the window and climbing out, feeling happier than he had in years.

Castiel stared at the window where Dean just was, mouth agape. He wasn't complaining but this wasn't exactly Castiel's area of expertise. He wasn't really sure how to respond or react to it. Instead he did probably the most idiotic thing he could have done. He grinned idiotically, squeezing Amber slightly as he let out a little squeal. He hadn't felt this happy, this alive in his life. He looked around the room suddenly realising he'd have to get his tux and guitar down from the attic without drawing attention to his brothers.

Dean practically ran home, smiling the entire way, but when he reached his house and saw his ruined car in the driveway, surrounded by tools, his heart dropped into his stomach and he suddenly felt sick. He grit his teeth and slowly walked to the door and let himself in. "Dad?" he called hesitantly. He walked into the kitchen and saw his dad sitting at the table with a cup of black coffee. John set his coffee down and looked at Dean with an expression he couldn't recognize, and Dean gulped nervously. "Dad, I'm sorry about the Impala, some idiots set it on fire during school, and…" John was standing up and striding quickly over to Dean, and Dean backed up in fear, expecting a few hits, but to his surprise, John pulled him into a crushing hug. "Dammit, Dean, you scared me to death." Dean was confused and guilty, all good feelings from the morning gone. "Dad, what—" John cut him off. "You don't come home from school and Sam runs in screaming about your car burning, and you're gone all night and not answering your cell phone… Jesus." John released Dean and walked over to lean on the sink. Dean stood there feeling stunned. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, "I didn't mean to… It was just some assholes at school. Some jerks I pissed off a few times. I stayed the night at a friend's," He said vaguely, hoping his dad wouldn't ask him any more questions about it.

Castiel spent the majority of his morning waiting for his brothers to wake up. He sat on his bed, stroking Amber, reliving the morning's events. He couldn't stop smiling. His brothers awoke in the afternoon and soon left , Castiel didn't care why just glad he could move around the house freely. He went up to the attic and took out his guitar and tux from where he'd hidden them in an old chest. He brought them down and was sneaking back to find his mom sat on his bed. He jumped, "I thought you were out." he said softly. She smiled sweetly at him taking the tux from his hands and smoothed out the wrinkles as she lay it on the bed. "I came back." she said simply, in her soft English accent. "I'm not oblivious, Cassie, sweetheart." Castiel froze, turning red. He couldn't speak, didn't dare to unless he'd misread her. "Honey, I don't care he seems a dear. Just be safe, okay?" she smiled, brushing Castiel's hair back. Castiel wished the ground would swallow him whole. He nodded a little, not looking her in the eye. She kissed him on the forehead and left the room. Castiel sighed and closed the door, and began tuning his guitar.

"Dad, I'm really sorry," Dean said again, desperate for his dad to understand so they could put this behind him. John turned around to face Dean. "Who did it?" he demanded, staring straight at Dean, and Dean winced. "Balthazar and Gabriel Novak," he said quietly, not looking at his dad. He knew his dad didn't like Castiel from the whole bar incident, so Dean had to tread carefully. John narrowed his eyes. "They the brothers of that gay kid?" he asked, and Dean clenched his jaw and nodded, while John shook his head in disgust. "Not surprising at all." John clearly still thought that Dean didn't know about the whole bar thing, and it didn't seem like a very good time to bring it up, so he played along like he didn't really know what John meant. "Yeah, those two guys are dicks," he muttered. John stared at Dean suspiciously for a moment, and Dean stared back, trying not to look shifty. "I don't want you hanging around with the queer one, Dean, understand?" Dean nodded, feeling miserable and angry inside. He hated the way his Dad talked about Cas, but if he said anything to defend him John would get even more suspicious. He tried to change the subject. "Uh, dad… I know the Impala's trashed right now but prom is tonight and I was wondering if… maybe I could borrow your car? I told Lisa I would pick her up and take her to dinner…" He trailed off uncertainly.

It was hard living in the Novak home. His mom was sweet and did her best to look after her children but she was always away at work, sometimes for days on end. His brothers, beat and pick on him. His parents knew..to some extent but neither did anything about it. He was pretty sure his dad didn't care after finding out he was gay. He didn't want to bother his mom and have her worry by telling her every little detail but she did look out for him when she could when she did spot the occasional bruise or cut. His mom came back up half an hour later with a sandwich, "Don't want you fainting on your date, now would we?" she smiled. "He's not my date." he blushed, looking at the floor as he took the sandwich. "You going to be alright, sweetheart?" she asked with concern, leaning against the door frame. He nodded, sitting back down on his bed, Amber sitting back in his lap. "I have to get back to work. Just have fun, darling." she smiled sadly. She rarely saw her son now a days but what she saw about him was sad and lonely. She was just glad to see him smiling again. Castiel smiled, looking at the floor and nibbling at the sandwich. "Thanks." he muttered, smiling shyly to himself.

John sighed and looked at Dean tiredly for a long moment. "All right, Dean. Go have fun, but stay out of trouble." John looked defeated and sad somehow, and it made Dean want to hug him like he did when he was little, but they don't do that anymore, so he stays put. "Thanks, Dad." Dean said softly, not knowing what to do now. Should he leave, or stay and talk to his dad? Luckily, John saved him the decision by muttering, "You gotta help me fix the Impala first, though, kid." Dean gave him a small smile and nodded gratefully. "Sure. Let me go change first," Dean ran upstairs and put on some old clothes that were already covered in oil stains and then went outside to help his dad with the car. They fell into a companionable silence as they worked, only speaking when they needed to, and Dean felt a little better about everything. The Impala was badly burned, but they managed to strip off the damaged metal where the flames had burned through and cover it with some patches and welded everything together. They would sand and paint over the spots later. In addition to fixing the exterior, they also ripped out the destroyed upholstery and cleaned out all the smoke and ashy water. Hours passed, and around noon they took a break for lunch, and then went back to work. When evening fell, the car was in a better state, but still needed a lot of work.

Castiel spent most of the afternoon catching up on classwork he'd missed due to either crying, crying with Dean or sleeping with Dean in the middle of the afternoon. He even blushed to himself thinking about that last one. He managed to get up to date no problem with his work and began working on an enlarged version of his fallen angel picture. By the time it was dark, he was covered in paint and his masterpiece was almost complete. He leant it against the wall to dry and set on showering. When he came back out his brothers were back and on their way out to the prom. They raised an eyebrow at Castiel. "You're not thinking of going are you, kiddo?" Gabriel scoffed. Castiel shook his head, looking at the floor. "Good. 'Cause if I so much as find you hanging out with that Winchester kid.." he trailed off. He didn't need to say anything else. He'd already blown up Dean's car it was clear it would be dangerous. They soon left after that and Castiel changed into his tux and waited impatiently for Dean on his bed, looking out the window anxiously.

Dean took a shower and scrubbed all the grease stains off, and he put on a bit of cologne. He put his tux on and found a nice dark blue tie to wear, styled his hair, and went downstairs. Sam was sitting at the kitchen table doing homework and Dad was cooking pasta on the stove, and they both looked up at him when he came into the room. Sam's eyes widened. "Dean Winchester is actually wearing a tux?!" He feigned surprise and horror, and Dean rolled his eyes at his brother. "Shut up, Sammy. Dad, can I take your car?" John looked at him for a moment before nodding slowly. "Okay, be careful and don't get it set on fire. Have fun, Dean." Dean smiled gratefully and took the keys John handed him. Sam wiggled his eyebrows. "So, who's the unlucky girl?" Dean made a face at him and replied curtly, "Lisa. We're going to a party afterwards, so I might not be back until tomorrow morning, just so you know," Dean said, and walked out to the driveway. "Thanks, Dad!" he called right before he closed the door. He got into his Dad's car and then called Castiel. He needed to let Castiel know he was on his way and make sure the coast was clear before they left.

Castiel sat on his bed, trying to keep Amber away from him. He didn't want to add cat hairs to the long list of why he looked like crap. Although his shirt and pants fitted, the jacket was ill-fitting, something passed down from his brother Michael. His hair was it's usual disobedient self and stuck up at the front. His skin was still yellowish from where the bruises were fading. The blue bow-tie made his eyes pop but made him look like a goofy nine year old. He looked in the mirror sighing. Now he wished Dean would actually turn up in a dress at least then he had a chance of looking good. But he knew that wouldn't happen, Dean would roll up handsome as ever making Castiel look worse. If Dean thought Castiel looked bad he never said, that was a bonus at least. His phone buzzed and he smiled when Dean's name lit up. "Hello, Dean." he said, trying to keep the excitement out of his voice. "The place is free so it's safe to come over. Uh, I'll see you soon.." he trailed off realising that might not be why Dean was calling. He might have changed his mind. He bit his lip anxiously awaiting Dean's reply.

Dean grinned and started the car eagerly. "Great, I'm on my way. See ya soon!" And he hung up without even waiting for Castiel's reply, excited to get going. Dean pulled out of the driveway and headed for Castiel's house. He took a few wrong turns as he tried to remember where Cas lived, but soon he found it and parked in the driveway, thrumming with excitement. He got out of the car and straightened his hair in the side mirrors before taking a deep breath and walking up to the front door. He rang the doorbell and waited nervously, still smiling.

Castiel heard the door and locked his bedroom door. He stroked Amber before picking up his guitar and climbing out the window and closing it behind him. He blushed a little as he landed to the floor. "If my door is locked they won't bother me." he explained a little shyly. He clutched at his guitar, fumbling with his ill-fitting jacket. "You look nice." he lied. Well, he couldn't exactly bring himself to say down right gorgeous so he kept that to himself..

Dean stepped back from the door as he heard Castiel climbing out the window and landed on the ground outside. "Sorry I didn't wear a dress," he joked, blushing and rubbing the back of his neck. "You look good," he told Cas. They stood there looking at each other for a moment, blushing awkwardly, before Dean opened the passenger door of his dad's car for Castiel to get in. "You wanna go get dinner or something?" He offered.

Castiel smiled when Dean opened the door, like a true gentleman. He got in the car looking up at Dean. "I really want a burger." he said before laughing at how stupid that sounded. "Sorry, I just.. is that okay?" he asked uncertainly. He wasn't sure if Dean had anything in mind but he just really fancied a juicy pound of meat with melted cheese and bread.

Dean laughed and closed the door before getting into the driver's seat. "Yeah, a burger sounds great. Where do you wanna go?" He started the car and pulled out of the driveway to head into town. "But maybe we shouldn't…" Dean said, suddenly remembering that maybe Cas didn't want to be seen with him in public. "What if someone sees us and your brothers find out?" Dean glanced at Cas worriedly. He would be willing to do anything Cas wanted, and he didn't want him to get in trouble with his brothers.

"We'll just get take-out." he shrugged, biting his lip. Castiel hadn't even thought about his brothers finding out. He was too busy trying to have a good night brother-free he hadn't even considered running into them. He fumbled with the guitar and put it in the back. He looked over at Dean with a smile. "It'll take two minutes. We'll be okay." he bit his lip, nodding to himself. "We'll be okay." he repeated, his voice soft and quiet.

Dean smiled softly at him and reached over to squeeze his arm reassuringly. "Yeah, we'll be fine." They rode in silence for a few minutes, and then Dean pulled into the parking lot of the best burger joint in town. "I'll go in, you can wait here if you want. What are you getting?" Dean asked, parking the car and unbuckling his seat belt.

Castiel nodded it would probably be better if he waited. Less likely for them to be seen together. "Uh, just a large burger and a coke." he said, fumbling with his trouser pocket and pulling out some money. He handed it to Dean, stuffing it in his jacket so he couldn't refuse it. He didn't want Dean to waste his own money on him.

Dean made a startled noise as Cas shoved some crumpled money at him, and swatted his hands away. "Dude, no! I'm paying." He threw the money back at Cas and tried to back away. Dean had been raised a gentleman, and was taught to always pay for his date's dinner. But then he realized that he didn't actually know whether or not this was a date, so he hovered uncertainly, not looking at Cas. "Wait… is this a date?" He asked dumbly. "Because if is, I'm paying. I insist." He added firmly so he didn't sound so stupid.

Castiel blinked in surprise, "W-Wha-?" Castiel wasn't expecting that at all. "I, uh, I.." he blushed, he hadn't really thought about it. He'd assumed they were just doing what felt comfortable. This morning was nice, they'd decided not to look into it. Castiel knew it wasn't what friends did but he didn't want to think what that made them. He didn't want to date Dean and risk ruining the one true friend he'd ever had. "I don't know.." he trailed off. He cleared his throat. "I, no..Dean, I'm paying for my own food it's only fair." he insisted, handing back his money to Dean.

Dean winced in embarrassment and looked apologetically at Cas. "Sorry, sorry… I just, I don't know, I don't care whether it is or not, because it doesn't change anything… I thought I should pay…" he trailed off and bit his lip, looking at Cas helplessly. Cas was still shoving the money at him, so Dean sighed in defeat and reluctantly took it, not wanting to make Cas feel bad. "Okay, if you really want me to."

"I know it doesn't change anything" he assured. "I just, uh, I don't want you to pay for me." he said before wincing and blushing. "No, sorry, I didn't mean like that. I meant…" He hid his face in his hands in embarrassment, groaning. They hadn't even got to the cabin and Castiel had already made an ass of himself. "Could you just..get burgers please?" he asked not looking at Dean and wanting to pretend this awkward conversation hadn't happened.

Dean laughed quietly and squeezed Castiel's shoulder. "Relax, Cas. It's fine, I'll use your money. No big deal, right?" He patted Castiel's cheek lightly and backed away, pocketing the money Cas had given him, and closed the door and walked in to buy the burgers, still a little embarrassed. Whatever, once they got the food they'd both be happy. Dean ordered two hamburgers and Cokes, paid for them with both of their money, and walked back out to the car.

Castiel sighed as Dean left, slamming his hand on the dashboard. He was so embarrassed, he just wanted one day where he couldn't be awkward or idiotic. He wanted one day where he could have fun and be himself without making it really awkward for everyone. Dean came back and he smiled, looking down at his hands and fumbling with his jacket. He just told himself it would be worth it to dance and sing with Dean.

"Here," Dean handed Castiel the bag of food and got into the car. "Let's go!" he said excitedly as he started the engine and drove off towards the cabin. It was a beautiful night, not too cold or warm, with a gentle breeze, and the sky was a deep blue. Stars were beginning to come out, and the full moon lit up the landscape with soft white light. Dean looked over at Cas. "You okay?" he asked with a concerned, reassuring smile.

"Fine" he smiled, looking timidly over at Dean. He looked him over still not able to get over how good Dean looked. He bit his lip, he wanted to ask about Dean's car. What his dad had said but he didn't want to bring Mr Winchester up, not tonight. He rubbed at his scar self-consciously. "I'm glad you agreed to do this." he smiled, squeezing Dean's hand briefly.

Dean noticed when Cas touched the scar on his face, but he didn't say anything about it, not wanting to bring up bad memories. Dean just squeezed his hand back. "Yeah, me too." Dean agreed, turning back to the road. They were almost there; they'd just turned onto the old dirt road that led into the woods to the cabin.

Castiel smiled, gripping his hands on the bag of food. They soon pulled up and Castiel unbuckled his belt and took his guitar out the back and stepped out, looking over the scenery. The moonlight glistening against the lake and the stars twinkling. It was picturesque. "Oh Dean." he breathed. He looked over to Dean grinning. "It's perfect."

"You think so?" Dean smiled, throwing an arm around Castiel's shoulders and hauling him in close for a side-hug before walking towards the cabin. They got inside and Dean turned on the lights and looked around. Luckily, the place was clean, even though Dean hadn't had a chance to come before they decided to come here. The bed was still wrinkled from that night they'd spent together.

Dean put the food on the table and leant his guitar against the wall. He walked up to Dean and hugged him tightly, pushing his face into Dean's neck. "Thank you, Dean." he said enthusiastically. He was glad they were here, together, away from everything. He pulled away from Dean, blushing a little. "Shall we eat?" he said lamely, pulling the food out the bag.

"Yeah," Dean said, giggling a little when Cas hugged him. He couldn't stop smiling. He went over to the table and unwrapped his burger, smiling excitedly at Cas the entire time. "I can't believe we're really doing this," Dean said in awe. If he'd never met Cas, Dean would probably be taking some girl to prom right now, just like he'd been expecting to, but now that sounded boring and pointless. It was much better to be here with Cas than in a huge crowd of people at school. It was different, but really nice.

Castiel smiled, unwrapping his own burger and taking a large bite. His eyelids fluttered closed and he moaned probably too loudly for the social norm. "This is amazing." he grinned, stuffing his mouth with more burger. He couldn't help it. He just loved burgers. He blushed a little when he realized how rude he was being. "Sorry" he muttered half-heartedly.

Dean had just taken a sip of his coke when Castiel moaned loudly around a mouthful of chewed up hamburger. Dean choked, and his eyes watered, his face reddening as he coughed to get the soda out of his windpipe, and when he could breathe he just stared at Castiel in surprise and tried to hide his smile, but failed, and soon he was laughing and coughing into a napkin, his eyes still watering.

Castiel blushed but soon began laughing along with Dean's infectious laughter. "Sorry." he said again when his laughter finally subsided. "I haven't had one in so long..I forgot how good they were." he muttered, taking small bites of his burger. He soon finished his burger with minimal moaning and sipped at his coke.

Dean put his head down to hide his amused smile and continued eating his burger. Dean finished eating soon after Cas and then chugged down the rest of his coke, and when they were both done Dean stood up and gathered up their trash to throw away before turning back to Cas uncertainly. He hadn't really planned anything, so it was up to them to decide what to do now. He looked Cas up and down, and damn, did he look good in a tux. "So„," Dean said a little awkwardly.

Castiel stood with a triumphant smile, like a child who'd been given candy. "You owe me a dance." He held out his hand for Dean. His hand was trembling a little from nerves but he tried to keep it together as he seemed confident and -not so charming- before Dean.


	5. Chapter 5

"Don't we need music?" Dean asked with a little smile. He took Castiel's extended hand and pulled him over to the CD player. "Pick anything you want," he said, showing Cas the CDs, "Or we can plug in my iPod." He stood behind Cas and rested his chin on Castiel's shoulder as they looked at the music choices.

Castiel bit his lip and his eyes gleamed as he looked through the music, flicking through the CD's. He saw Frank Sinatra but decided against it. It was too slow, Dean would think he picked it just to slow dance with him. Which would be nice but he wan't sure if Dean would even want to. He ignored it for now and put on You Gotta Fight For You Right To Party by The Beastie Boys and raised his arms in the air and started swaying his hip to the music.

Dean grinned and stepped away from Cas a little when the music started and Cas began dancing, because right now they were basically in the grinding position and he wasn't really sure if either of them would be comfortable with that. He put his hands on Castiel's waist and turned him around so they were facing each other, and Dean began nodding his head to the music and bobbing up and down, watching Cas dance, because damn, Cas had some nice moves. He reached across Cas and turned up the volume a little bit. The speakers worked surprisingly well for such an old stereo.

Castiel was too busy enthralled in the music to be embarrassed or notice Dean watching him. For once he was just letting go and having fun. _You gotta fight. _Castiel was signing along now, enthusiastically as he swung his hips and arms in time to the beat. _For your right. To parrttyyy. _The song came to end and Castiel was laughing. He wasn't particularly sure why other than he'd never felt this joyful in a long time.

Dean cheered and clapped, laughing along with Castiel. He'd never seen Cas look this happy before, and it was infectious. Dean decided he wanted to make Cas smile like this a lot more. He walked by Castiel to the stereo, patting his arm as he passed him, and took his iPod out of his pocket. "I've got a whole playlist of stuff they play at dances," Dean explained as he plugged it in to the speakers. The first song that came on was Uprising by Muse, and Dean smiled as he remembered Castiel playing it on the guitar under the tree.

Castiel grinned enthusiastically, he absolutely loved muse. He started dancing almost immediately, his hips swaying like no body's business. Occasionally throwing in a little air guitar as he was used to playing this particular song on the guitar. He closed his eyes as he danced and began singing too. He didn't care if Dean thought he looked weird. He felt comfortable in his presence. Comfortable enough to make a complete ass of himself.

Damn, could Cas dance! Dean was thinking of putting on Shakira's Hips Don't Lie, but he didn't think he had it on his iPod, so whatever. This whole thing was a little weird for Dean, because he was used to dancing in large crowds, not just one-on-one like this, but he was still enjoying himself, and it was clear that Cas was too. Dean jumped up and down and threw his hands in the air, bobbing from side to side, and tried not to be distracted by Castiel's hips.

Castiel didn't dance in public. He was afraid of what people thought, so he was used to dancing in his room with his earphones in. This felt a little weird but he tried not to let it bother him. He was determined to have fun tonight and he knew Dean wouldn't judge him so he just let out his urge to dance to the beat and just followed it. Castiel was still smiling to himself as he looked up at Dean.

Dean slowly danced closer to Cas, not really sure what he was doing, but Cas was smiling, so Dean smiled too, the beat of the song pounding along with his heart_. They will not force us. They will stop degrading us! _Dean sang along, quietly at first, but then louder to compete with the song, throwing his head back and closing his eyes as he belted out the tune.

Castiel grinned, hearing Dean sing again. It was like heaven to his ears. He could have listened to it all day but he couldn't help but get enthralled in the music and sing along too. _They will not control us. We will be victorious! _The song came to an end and the next one played automatically. Castiel took off his bow-tie looking up at Dean. "It looks goofy." he muttered, throwing it over one of the chairs.

Dean shrugged and loosened his tie as well. "I don't think bow-ties do you justice," he admitted, slightly teasing. Cas did look better with his shirt collar loosened and no bow tie. He blushed as the next song was slower, and looked at the ground, shuffling his feet awkwardly. Suddenly, Dean was shy, but he couldn't escape this. Daringly, he looked up and met Castiel's eyes questioningly. "Wanna dance?"

(This song? watch?v=FH8WAoRL1xo I was listening to my iPod and this came on and it seems like a romantic slow dancing song so idk lol)

Castiel blushed, biting his lip but pressed forward. He could do this, he told himself. It was just a dance. He wanted this, it didn't have to mean anything. It was just a dance. He took a step forward and put one of his hands in Dean's, squeezing it lightly. "Sure." he smiled. He placed his other hand on Dean's shoulder, biting his lip and looking up at Dean questioningly.

Dean smiled in relief and put his other hand on Dean's waist, pulling him in a little closer, and they started swaying back and forth to the music. Dean looked at Cas with a small smile, still blushing a little, but their movements flowed together nicely after a short moment of awkwardness. Dean hummed along softly on the refrain of the song.

Dean began to relax and Castiel had to force himself to do the same. He kept in time with the music and Dean's movements and closed his eyes briefly, trying to let the music wash over him like it had earlier and ignore how close Dean was. The song seemed to last forever, not that Castiel minded but he was starting to worry what that meant. They were really close and they weren't comforting each other or sleeping in each others arms. They were having fun and enjoying each other's closeness and contact..well Castiel was anyway. He began to worry what Dean would think of him, being his paranoid self. When the song ended he backed away quicker than really necessary.

Dean tried not to feel hurt when Cas backed away right when the song ended. Did Dean do something wrong? He looked apologetically at Cas and realized that maybe Cas wasn't comfortable with that…? Dean didn't know where to look then, and fiddled awkwardly with the cuffs of his suit jacket, keeping his head down and not looking at Castiel. The next song came on, and Dean looked at the stereo uncertainly, not knowing what to do.

Castiel felt awful when he saw the confusion and hurt cross the other's face. He didn't mean to upset Dean he just didn't want to make him uncomfortable either. He chewed on his bottom lip uncertainly, looking up at Dean. He wasn't looking at him. He was playing with his cuffs. Castiel reached out slowly to cover his hands over Dean's to stop him fiddling. The next song played, Somewhere Only We Know and Castiel decided to try dancing with Dean again. He slipped Dean's hand around his waist and ran his hand up to Dean's neck, keep one hand entwined with the others, never taking his eyes off of him.

Dean inhaled sharply when Castiel came close to him and took his hands, and then they were dancing again, closer than before, with Castiel's hand on Dean's neck instead of his shoulder, and Dean looked at Cas, surprised to see that those blue eyes were staring intensely right back at him, and Dean couldn't tear his gaze away. He smiled at the irony of the song.. Somewhere Only We Know. Which was exactly where they were right now, safe and secluded in the cabin. Dean slowly slid his hand around to the small of Castiel's back, bringing them closer, and didn't look away from Castiel's eyes as they continued swaying back and forth, moving in a little circle as they danced to the music.

Castiel smiled, never tearing his eyes off of Dean's. The dance was better this time, he'd managed to get used to the feeling of dancing with another person. This intimate act between two people. The first time Castiel was so worried about how Dean would think about it but now Dean just seemed to be enjoying the moment which caused Castiel to relax and enjoy it too. They circled the little space in the cabin comfortable, keeping in time with each other never once glancing elsewhere the entire song.

They continued dancing until the end of the song, and when it ended they just stood there looking at each other. It was so intense, and in the silence that happened between the songs, neither of them moved. Dean was pretty sure he wasn't breathing. Suddenly, the next song started, and Dean tipped his head forward to hide his blush and grin. If No One Will Listen by Kelly Clarkson. "I had a huge crush on Kelly Clarkson when I was younger," Dean admitted sheepishly, looking up at Cas again, and led him into another slow dance.

Castiel grinned laughing a little to himself. "She is an angel." he agreed, smiling as Dean led them into another dance. It was comfortable, they moved well together. Castiel was beginning to wonder why he ever doubted this working. They were having fun. He stepped a little closer, wrapping his arm a bit more confidently around Dean. He'd never danced like this with anyone before. He was beginning to wonder why, it was intense and incredible. He could stop smiling and staring up at Dean's green, glistening eyes.

Dean's smile softened as he looked at Cas. The lyrics of the song were eerily accurate and described both of their situations. They would always be there for each other. The moon was shining in through the window, and in the darkened room it lit up Castiel's eyes and made them sparkle, and Dean couldn't look away. They were so close now, Castiel's arm tight around Dean's neck, and Dean's arm all the way around Castiel's waist, holding them close. It was the most intense thing Dean had ever experienced, and he had to remind himself that this was real life, even though it felt dream-like.

In the dim light of the room Castiel was surprised they didn't bump into the furniture but they seemed to move well together. The song finished and they continued to dance, not wanting to stop for anything. Perfect by P!nk came on next, a little bit more upbeat but they didn't stop dancing like they were. Castiel had to chew the inside of his cheek, he felt like he was going to start crying. P!nk always had that affect on him so to defuse the situation he perked up saying "Your iPod collection is questionable, Dean. I always pictured you as an ACDC kind of person." he said, his voice wavering as he tried to keep it together.

"Haha, shut up," Dean muttered halfheartedly. He knew he had some… unexpected music on his iPod, but whatever. He listened to pretty much anything, although AC/DC was still good. He had noticed the unsteadiness in Castiel's voice and he furrowed his brow in concern, seeing Castiel's eyes start to tear up a little. "Hey," he said softly, "Cas. You okay?" They weren't dancing so much as just swaying back and forth in each other's arms, barely moving their feet except for little shuffles as they turned together, just kind of holding each other.

"I'm fine." he said with a weak smile. He blinked away his tears, regaining his strength and holding onto Dean a little tighter. "I just…P!nk has always found a way to get under my skin. Her songs mean a lot to me." He bit his lip, letting out a shaky breath as he tried to get his voice back to normal. "I'm fine." he insisted, returning to concentrating on dancing.

Dean bit his lip a little bit and moved his head to the side of Castiel's so his lips were next to his ear, and started singing along softly. "_You are perfect to me…"_ He took his other hand out of Castiel's and guided Castiel's hand to his waist, and Dean put his free hand on the back of Castiel's neck, fingers softly stroking his hair as he held Castiel close with his arm still around his waist.

Castiel's breath hitched, a tear trickled down his cheek. It was bad enough P!nk could make him feel like this. Like there was hope, like everything was okay. To lift his spirits and make him feel like the world wanted him. That he wasn't useless or a waste of space. Now Dean was singing. Not just singing but singing to him. The hand around Dean's waist tightened a little as he kept him close in fear of him leaving.

"_Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel like you're less than, less than perfect_…" Dean sang quietly, pulling Castiel closer so their bodies were pressed together from shoulder to thigh, and just held him, still slowly swaying. He could tell when Castiel was crying by the way his shoulders shook slightly, and Dean could feel him trembling. Dean's throat closed up. The lyrics of this song were basically everything Dean had been trying to tell Cas since they'd met, that Castiel was so much more amazing than he gave himself credit for, and Dean really thought so. He pressed his lips against the shell of Castiel's ear, running his fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

Castiel could feel the tears slide down his cheeks, he was sobbing quietly as he held onto Dean tightly. Every word that past the other's lips make his throat go dry and his breath hitch. It was beautiful. He didn't deserve this but Dean was singing to him and he was melting into every moment. He didn't deserve Dean. He was sweet, caring and considerate. The fact he'd betrayed him went out the window. What mattered was this moment right now. How Dean cared for him. He ran the hand on Dean's neck gently through Dean's hair, caressing it as they -sort of- danced.

"Cas," Dean half murmured, half whispered, resting his forehead against Castiel's temple and closing his eyes, the feeling of Castiel's fingers though his hair relaxing him more than he cared to admit. He didn't exactly know why Castiel was crying and he doubted it could be explained, it was just one of those things, so Dean just held him through it. That song ended, and then of course, with Dean's luck, another P!nk song came on; Nobody Knows. Dean sighed. That was a sad, slow song, and he didn't know if Castiel would want to hear it right now. "I can change it if you want," he offered quietly.

( watch?v=QXqbkMnKj4k just for reference lol. oh my god i am going to cry)

Castiel couldn't help but let out a low chuckle, slightly breathless after his silent sob, just his luck to be bombarded by P!nk. He shook his head gently, resting it back against's Dean's slightly. "No, it's okay." He liked being held by Dean like this. He felt safe, relaxed. He knew how easily his paranoia and nerves could kill a mood instantly he didn't want to risk ending this awkwardly. His hand around Dean's waist risked slipping under his jacket and holding around his wait between the jacket and shirt. He could feel the heat from Dean's skin and it just made him smile, it reminded him that this was real. That Dean was actually here. He sighed with content, tears still rolling down his cheeks as he softly played with Dean's hair.

Dean made a surprised little huff when Castiel's hand wandered under his jacket and just rested against his waist again, with only the fabric of his shirt between Castiel's fingers and Dean's skin. Warmth spread from Castiel's palm and it was really nice, Dean decided. He closed his eyes and turned his head more, rubbing the bridge of his nose against Castiel's jawline, humming quietly in contentment. It had been way too long since Dean had had this, just gentle, tender touches and caresses. And doing this with Castiel made it even better.

Castiel leaned into Dean's touch, his head leaning in towards the other. His hand continuing to stroke in smooth circles across Dean's hair. If he wasn't standing up he was pretty sure this would lull him to sleep, it was so warm and comforting. He'd never been held like this and he was really glad it was Dean he was sharing this with. They still swayed from side to side a little as they basked in one another's presence. Castiel's tears slowly fading as he managed to calm his body and regulate his breathing.

Dean nosed at Castiel's cheek and then pressed a soft kiss right there, not allowing himself to be shy or timid anymore, and murmured, "You okay, Cas?" He let his hand trail from Castiel's head all the way down his spine to rest at the small of his back again, a steady reassuring pressure to let Cas know he was there and wasn't going to let go. Castiel didn't appear to be crying anymore, but Dean wanted to make sure he was okay now.

"Yes." he whispered, blushing slightly as Dean kissed his cheek for the second time that day. Luckily only the moonlight shone through, otherwise Dean would be able to see how red he'd turned from a simple kiss. The song ended and Bound To You played. Castiel couldn't help but chuckle he'd always thought of himself as the soft one. He hadn't realised Dean was so sensitive in his choice in music. "This is your dance mix?" he chuckled, nudging his nose against Dean's jaw timidly.

( watch?v=pkVfANH5Zrc Sorry, couldn't think of anything else so…so yeah. Ah this is so intense! )

Dean huffed a laugh and grinned widely, tipping his head closer to Castiel as he felt the other boy's nose against his jaw, encouraging him to keep doing it, it felt nice. He closed his eyes again and placed both of his hands on Castiel's sides, slipping under his jacket to rest on either side of Castiel's ribcage. "Hey, don't knock Christina," Dean said defensively, still grinning like an idiot.

(OH WOW that song is great… lakdjfgladkgjf)

"I'm not." he chuckled. "If anything I'm knocking you. Christina is a saint." He gasped a little as Dean's hand ran under his jacket. He could feel the heat flowing through him, making him melt under Dean's touch. His pressed his mouth against Dean's jaw, brushing his lips against the smooth skin in a -sort of- kiss. The words flowed through him _I've found a man I can trust, and boy do I believe in us._ It may not be in the same sense as the song but the words still applied to them, to Castiel. He could feel himself getting emotional again and he raised the hand from Dean's waist to the other's cheek, cupping it softly as his other hand still played with his hair.

(Haha, glad you like it. :D)

Dean could feel Castiel breathing under his hands, his ribcage expanding and shrinking with every breath, bone shifting under lean muscle and skin and cloth, and it was fascinating. When Castiel brushed his mouth along Dean's jaw, the dry, slightly rough skin of Castiel's lips dragging across Dean's skin, he shivered and his head automatically tipped back a little more, leaning into the touch with his eyes still closed. He sighed happily. He hadn't felt this safe and comfortable with another person in a really long time. "I know she is," Dean murmured, "Then what's so funny about me having some of her songs on my iPod?" He feigned defensiveness, sliding his hands down Castiel's sides to rest on his waist again.

Castiel bit the inside of his cheek, his nose pressed against's Dean's cheek as he whispered into his ear. "That's not true, Dean." he said, referring to the fact that Dean thought himself anything but a saint. "You're my fallen angel." he said before realizing how cheesy, pathetic and weird that probably sounded to Dean. He didn't care, he was too far gone. They were holding each other in the moonlight 'dancing' to the most beautiful song about love. It wasn't exactly hard to say they'd crossed some sort of barrier. He timidly pressed his mouth back against Dean's jaw, closing his eyes as he concentrated on everywhere they were touching.

"And you're mine," Dean replied softly, grinning a little. Castiel had just called him _his_. Dean had no idea what was happening, but he knew that whatever it was, he liked where it was heading, and the thought that he might be having feelings for another guy wasn't as daunting as he'd thought it would be. It felt natural to him, what they were doing right now, and Dean was okay with anything Cas wanted. Their breathing was matched, hearts beating in sync, and Dean couldn't imagine anything more perfect. He turned his head to face Castiel again so their noses brushed, and opened his eyes. Castiel's face was so close that Dean's eyes couldn't focus properly on Castiel's.

Castiel breathed heavily, daring to open his eyes as he came properly face to face with Dean. Their noses brushing, his lips slightly apart as he stared at Dean with wide eyes. He can feel the heat radiating off his cheeks, he knows he's blushing but can't help it. He sheepishly moved his hand from Dean's hair to cup Dean's cheek. He brought his head to lean against the other's temple, pressing his lips against his cheek. He couldn't face Dean on like that. To be properly face-to-face and so close to the other's lips. He couldn't do it. It made his breathing and heart-rate reach the roof. He couldn't risk something like that happening. Dean had given him so much already, he couldn't ask that of him. The song ended and they stood in silence, holding each other as the next song clicked to play.

Dean barely even registered the next song, all he knew was that it was another slow one, but he and Cas were standing still, and for some reason Dean felt disappointment as Cas moved to the side again, lips against his cheek, and then he realized. He wanted to actually kiss Castiel. He nervously licked his lips and placed his hands on either side of Castiel's head, gently bringing him back forward so they were facing each other again. "Cas…" Dean breathed, looking into his eyes seriously. "Can… can I kiss you?" There, he said it. He didn't know if Castiel even wanted to, but he guessed Cas probably was on the same page as him, just to shy to do anything about it. If Dean was wrong, things were going to be awkward, but there was no taking it back. He held Castiel's gaze.

Castiel bit his lip and nodded, not trusting his own voice at the moment. Dean had just asked his permission to kiss him and his mind was whirling like crazy. If it wasn't for the fact Dean was holding him he'd probably have fallen over by now. His legs felt weak and his knees were going to given way soon. He'd never been kissed before. Not like this. His family -the ones he liked- didn't count. This was different. Intimate and private. Something only they'd know about. He licked his lips hesitantly and rubbed a thumb over Dean's cheek, leaning in slowly to press his lips softly to Dean's. It was short and brief but it was enough to send Castiel's body trembling with excitement. Red pools of colour flushing his cheeks.

Dean suddenly forgot how to breathe when Cas nodded, and when their lips touched it felt like a shock through Dean's entire body. It was barely even a kiss, just a chaste, hesitant little peck, but the feeling of Castiel's lips against his own was unlike anything Dean had ever experienced. There wasn't any lipstick or scented perfume or long hair, and it was really good. He backed away a little to look into Castiel's eyes for permission to do it again, and it certainly didn't look like he was going to refuse, so Dean leaned in again, pressing his lips to Castiel's more firmly this time, and Dean felt dizzy.

Castiel let out a soft gasp as Dean kissed him again. He closed his eyes and gave in to Dean, running his hands into his hair and kissing him back just as eagerly. It was all new and frightening but Castiel felt safe in Dean's arms, trying something that initiated a powerful connection and a lot of trust between their relationship. Castiel pulled away, staying close and brushing his nose against the other's cheek. "This is..surreal." he ventured to say, chuckling a little as he did so.

Dean made a surprised noise as Castiel's fingers ran through his hair and tugged at it lightly, leaning into him and kissing him back before taking his mouth away, and Dean tried to follow his lips, desperate for more, but Castiel spoke before Dean could kiss him again. Dean was speechless. Everything had just changed between them… or had it? Maybe this is where they'd been heading all along, maybe they were meant to be more than friends. "Wow," Dean said breathlessly, feeling like his entire body was tingling, starting in his lips and traveling throughout his whole body. "That was amazing,"

Castiel let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. Dean liked it. He was okay with..this. He pressed a quick kiss to Dean's lips, smiling as he did so. He felt confident, on top of the world. Only he and Dean, that's all that mattered. He felt like the only two people in the world. He stroked Dean's cheek, keeping his face close to Dean's. "Thank you, Dean." he said, meaning everything and nothing in particular.

Dean smiled in awe. He still couldn't believe this was happening. He kissed Castiel again, just because he could, and pulled away slowly, staying close enough that they were still breathing each other's air. He covered Castiel's hand with his own and wrapped his arm around Castiel's waist again, keeping him close, and smiled softly. "No, thank _you."_

Castiel smiled, he hadn't felt this alive in years. His heart was pounding, he could feel it in his ears. Dean's easy smile and heavenly voice wasn't helping either. He held Dean's head in his hands, rubbing his thumb over his jaw. He kissed Dean slowly, lingering briefly before leaning his forehead against the other's.

Dean took a deep breath, met Castiel's eyes briefly, and then went in to kiss him again because he needed it, this time taking Castiel's lower lip between his and sucking lightly, then swiped his tongue over it, curious about Castiel's response. He tangled his fingers in Castiel's hair as he backed away slowly to meet Castiel's eyes again, even though all he wanted was to keep kissing him. He wondered if this was Castiel's first time kissing somebody like this, and he guessed it probably was. He wanted to make it good for Cas, but he didn't want it to be too much either.

Castiel hummed in approval as Dean sucked and licked at his lips. He almost whimpered when Dean pulled away. He wanted to explore Dean as much as he'd let him. Although he didn't want to rush things. He could feel himself becoming over-whelmed by the sensations and nerves. He pulled away from Dean, slipping out of his jacket and hanging it up on chair. He blushed a little as he walked back over to Dean, tugging him by the hand over to the bed. "I can't stand up for much longer." he explained sheepishly, realizing how odd this must look. He kissed him briefly because he could and that thought made him smile.

Dean smiled and willingly went with Cas over to the bed, feeling a little shaky, and he decided it would probably be a good idea to at least sit down. His skin was on fire. He loosened his tie and took off his jacket, tossing it over the arm of a chair, and unbuttoned the first two buttons to get some air. He kicked off his shoes and ran the rest of the way to the bed, flopping down on it face first and kicking his feet in excitement like a little kid, burying his face into the pillow. He didn't even care how stupid he looked.

Castiel smiled, taking his time and took of his shoes and undid the top few buttons before joining Dean on the bed. He laid down on the other side, leaning his chin on Dean's shoulder and draping an arm over his back. "Is this normal?" he asked whilst Dean can't look at him because there is no way he could ask that to his face. He wanted to know if this is what Dean felt like with his previous girlfriends. Not that they were boyfriends but something close to it. He wanted to know if what they had was normal because he didn't have anything to compare it to. He wasn't sure he ever would and just wanted to check how Dean felt about them.

Dean felt so giddy and happy that it was hard to keep it under control, especially when Castiel joined him a moment later and touched him again. "What do you mean, normal?" He asked curiously, turning his head to look at Cas. He wasn't exactly sure what Cas was talking about, and he didn't know how to answer.

"Well, uh..y'know. Does it..feel like this..usually?" he asked suddenly wishing he'd never mentioned it. He hid his face in the pillow, ignoring Dean's stare. "Doesn't matter." he said softly, reaching out timidly to stroke Dean's cheek.

Dean turned over on his side so they were facing each other and grinned lazily, leaning into the touch. He placed his hand on Castiel's side again and ran over the bumps of Castiel's ribs with his fingers. "Feel like what?" he teased, wiggling closer and bumping noses with Castiel.

"This." he breathed, closing his eyes. "I..I feel like my heart is going to burst. My legs turn to jelly and I can't stop think about kissing you." he said quickly before he lost his nerves to say it at all. He held his hand over Dean's cheek, running it into Dean's hair as he drew closer, his lips ghosting over Dean's, breathing the same air.

Dean's breath caught in his throat. "Me too. I don't know if it's normal," Dean breathed, "I've never felt this way before…" He closed his eyes and met Castiel halfway, kissing him with all of his focus. Dean had had several girlfriends in the past, and he'd kissed a lot of girls and gone further, but nothing felt as amazing and real as this did, and all they were doing was kissing. It was so intense.

Castiel kissed Dean back, relieved to know he wasn't the only one feeling this intense. He tried mimicking Dean's actions earlier and sucked on Dean's lower lip, darting his tongue across the lip, tasting Dean. He whimpered a little, tugging at his hair lightly as he did so. He pulled away for breath, grinning over at Dean. "Me neither."

When Castiel kissed him and sucked on his lower lip, Dean gasped in surprise and moaned softly. Castiel was inexperienced, but he was a fast learner, and Castiel grabbing Dean's hair was surprisingly hot, Dean realized. His girlfriends in the past had never done that, usually he was the one doing the hair pulling, and he realized that he and Castiel were equals in strength, and that intrigued Dean greatly. Dean gave Cas an amazed grin, breathing hard. "Does this mean I'm gay?" he asked, wondering why he was suddenly finding Cas attractive, and wanting to kiss him more, and… other stuff…? "I don't feel this way about other guys, you know? So I dunno…" he shrugged and kissed Cas again, more tenderly this time, wanting to savor every kiss.

Castiel looked dumbly at Dean, he'd forgotten that Dean was more inclined towards the female gender. It surprised him how he could forget something like that. Dean was what they called a 'chick magnet'. He realized this must be hard for Dean, coming to terms with a side of him he didn't know existed. "Bisexual, maybe." he said, breathing heavily. Castiel's features softened, practically melted at Dean's next words. "I guess that makes me special." he smiled shyly, sharing a tender kiss with the other. His hands roaming over Dean's back before going back to caress his hair. None of it felt real, he had to keep touching Dean to remind himself that this wasn't a dream.

Dean hummed softly when Castiel kissed him, and when they came apart again Dean's hand trailed down Castiel's chest. "No boobs," he said with a grin. "Wow." It was a totally new experience for Dean, kissing another guy, and there was a lot to learn, and Dean was excited. He gently pushed at Castiel's shoulder until he rolled over to lay on his back, and Dean hovered over him for a moment, looking down at him, eyes roaming over Castiel's face. "You're beautiful," Dean said without thinking, then blushed and hid his face in Castiel's neck.

Castiel laughed, "Sorry to disappoint." He lay back and watched as Dean hovered over him. His lips parted and smiling softly as Dean spoke. He blushed, averting his eyes. His hand rested on the back of Dean's neck, thumb rubbing the skin in smooth circles. He could understand why Dean was freaking out a little, the whole thing was a little surreal to him too. He kissed his temple where he could reach and wrapped his other arm around Dean's waist.

Dean sighed happily and kissed Castiel's throat, then worked his way up along Castiel's jawline, pressing soft kisses everywhere he could reach, then finally met Castiel's lips and kissed him tenderly, fitting their lips together perfectly, and then tentatively licked Castiel's lips and pushed his tongue against the seam of them, urging Castiel to open his mouth.

Castiel gasped at the sensation of Dean's tongue against his lips and opened his mouth, letting Dean's tongue explore. He'd watch this sort of thing in movies. The guy gets the girl and they kiss passionately in the rain. This wasn't like that at all. It was intense and loving. Their connection… their profound bond made this moment make the movie scenes seem so fake and meaningless. He tried his best to mimic Dean's movements, licking him tongue over Dean's and moaning softly at the tingling sensation that shot up his spine.

Castiel's mouth was like velvet, and he tasted so good, Dean never wanted to stop. He felt Castiel moan into his mouth more than he heard it, the heat of their breath mingling and the sounds they were making loud in the silence of the cabin. Dean took his mouth away again and looked down at Cas, needing to see his face. Castiel's skin was flushed and his hair was messed up, lips red and wet from kissing, and his eyes looked wide and beautifully blue. Castiel really was beautiful, Dean had to admit, and he'd never, ever thought that about a guy before.

Castiel's breathing was heavy and short, he was staring wide-eyed over at Dean. He couldn't stop smiling, this was amazing. His fingers dipped a little under Dean's shirt. His fingertips brushing over Dean's skin. He bit his lip as Dean remained still, watching him "You okay?" he asked softly, running his hand up and down Dean's spine. He was okay with being attracted to guys but he wasn't sure Dean was so easily inclined to new experiences..even if this was new for Castiel too.

Dean grinned and shivered at the feeling of Castiel's hand against his bare skin, sliding up and down his back, and he had to close his eyes for a moment and just breath. "I'm awesome," he replied with a crooked grin. Suddenly, Dean just wanted to touch Castiel like he was being touched, and Dean slowly tugged Castiel's shirt until it became untucked from his pants, and slid his hand up Castiel's stomach, feeling lean muscle under hot skin. Dean was breathing shakily, and everything was hot.

"Dean" he swallowed, his breathing quickening as Dean's hand shot up his shirt. His own hand retracted from under Dean's shirt. "I-I can't." he breathed, his cheeks turning red. He cared for Dean a lot, but he still wasn't able to trust him completely after what he did. He couldn't let this go to fast too soon. Even though he wanted this he couldn't but hear a little voice in his head that was telling him it was too much. He pressed his lips against Dean's in a way of showing him he still wanted this, just not this soon. "I'm sorry."

Dean froze when he realized Castiel wasn't comfortable with what he was doing, and quickly drew his hand back and moved away from Castiel so they were no longer touching. Dean had to remember how fragile this was, and he didn't want to mess it up by making Castiel uncomfortable. "I'm sorry," Dean said quietly, turning on his side to just look at Castiel. "I didn't mean…" Dean trailed off and blushed with a miserable sigh. "I guess I got a little carried away… sorry, Cas." Dean looked at him apologetically, hoping he hadn't just changed Castiel's mind about this whole thing between them that had happened.

Castiel bit his lip, he didn't want Dean to move away completely. He just didn't want to go too forward too fast. He shuffled back closer to Dean, snaking a hand into his hair and caressing it tenderly. His head on the pillow next to Dean's. "It's okay..It's my fault I thought I could..I just need more time." he muttered, smiling apologetically at Dean. He pressed a soft kiss to Dean's lips, pulling away slightly but keeping his lips close to Dean's.

"I shouldn't have done that," Dean apologized again, peppering soft kisses over Castiel's lips, chin and cheekbones. They were no longer needy and desperate, more tender and gentle now. Dean backed away slightly and raised a hand to Castiel's face, stroking the backs of his knuckles across his jaw and cheek. "I don't want to hurt you," he said softly, looking into Castiel's eyes.

Castiel sighed, Dean had said that before. He didn't want to hurt him and yet he had, very much so. He chewed on the inside of his cheek. "I know you don't." he smiled half-heartedly, continuing to stroke Dean's hair. "I just thought I was ready but it's too much. I'm sorry." He felt awful, he'd started touching Dean's skin and was making Dean feel bad for it. This was all going wrong. He held him close, kissing him softly again.

"Don't apologize, Cas." Dean said when they pulled apart. "I'm the one who should be apologizing… We'll take things slow, okay? Whatever you want." Dean ran his hand gently through Castiel's hair and kissed him again, a soft pressure of his lips against Castiel's, nothing more. Dean was perfectly happy with this, and when Castiel was ready for more, Dean would be too. But for now, this was perfect. He kissed Castiel again and then smiled against his cheek, still finding this whole thing unbelievable.

Castiel blushed, Dean was so kind he'd never imagined someone dedicating themselves to him like this. He was willing to take the pace at Castiel's level which he appreciated greatly. "Thank you, Dean." he said softly, shifting to leaning against Dean slightly. His hand still tangled in his hair and the other wrapped loosely around his waist. The room was quiet apart from the music blaring from Dean's iPod. Something Castiel had forgotten was still playing until now.

They breathed together in the darkness, the moon shining through the window and casting its soft glow across Castiel's face, illuminating those blue eyes. They just looked at each other, and suddenly the song ended and another one came on, this time it was "A Moment Like This" by Kelly Clarkson. Dean blushed and hid his face in Castiel's neck, laughing against his throat. "Don't judge me," he mumbled. He couldn't help but notice the lyrics and how well they fit, and he wondered if his iPod was doing this on purpose.

Castiel laughed, "You said you had a crush on her. I'd be surprised if you didn't own every song of hers." He held Dean close, resting his head on top of the other's. The music making Castiel smile, he began singing along too without realising. The song was catchy, he couldn't not.

Dean grinned when Castiel began singing, and pressed his lips softly against his throat where he could feel the vibrations of Castiel's voice. Dean began humming along, moving close to Castiel again and slotting his arm against Castiel's side, bent at the elbow to cup his shoulder and hold him close. They fit together perfectly like this.

Castiel's voice wavered as Dean kissed his throat, his breath caught and he forgot how to speak. The words died out on his tongue as Dean shuffled to slot his arms around him and get even closer. "Best prom ever." he giggled, a small blush spreading across his cheeks and nose.

"Yeah," Dean agreed with a content sigh. He couldn't stop smiling. "But I have to admit this wasn't really what I was expecting," he said shyly, snuggling closer to Cas. It was getting cold in the cabin; he'd opened the windows when they came in to let in some fresh air but the night was getting colder, and it was nice to lay here on the bed with Cas, who was nice and warm.

"Me either. I thought it would just be friendly. Get away from the noise of town, just relax for once" he admitted. A slight draft blew over them causing Castiel to shiver slightly. He cuddled up closer to Dean. "This is better than I thought it would be." he smiled, he couldn't imagine his life without Dean anymore. He needed him like a life support. It was silly really, they'd only known each other for a week or two.

"We should come here more often," Dean suggested timidly, wondering if Castiel would agree to that. They could just come here to talk and be alone, just be themselves and not worry about anything. They could be together here. "You know, if you want." He rubbed his hand in wide circles on Castiel's back when he shivered and moved closer.

"I'd like that." he said softly, smiling at Dean. His wide blue eyes gazing over Dean's skin. The moonlight made his skin almost glow, he look radiant. Castiel wanted to see more of it and not just the exposed skin on his neck but he'd made a thing about taking it too fast and couldn't ask something like that of Dean now. He sighed, conflicted with his thoughts.

Dean looked at Cas; he's sensed some frustration in that sigh. "What?" he asked, tracing his fingers over the slight creases in Castiel's forehead when he frowned, erasing them with his touch. He slid his hand up to the back of Castiel's neck and rested it there lightly, his thumb stroking soothingly.

"You're perfect, Dean." he smiled, stroking the back of his hand over the other's cheek. "Beautiful" he breathed, his eyes lingering over him. "I, uh, just..I want to.." he could feel the heat radiate from his cheeks. "I wanted to see your chest but that's not fair 'cause I don't think I'm ready to do the same." he blurted out before he got too worked up to say anything. "Just forget it, I'm sorry, I'm being unfair."

Dean gaped at Cas, blushing deeply, and smiled slowly. "You… I… whoa," he stammered, heart pounding in excitement and anticipation. "You can, if you want…?" He said uncertainly, not knowing if Castiel would actually be comfortable with it. Dean was a little nervous, but mostly the thought of Castiel's eyes roaming over his body and his hands touching his skin was good, and Dean began imagining things. "Yes." Dean said, more steadily this time, although his voice was still a bit shaky, and he was sure Cas could hear his heart beating.

Castiel shook his head, and cupped Dean's cheek, kissing him slowly. "I can't ask that of you." he said although he was surprised Dean had even agreed to something like that. The thought of actually letting Dean do that for him was appealing. It also made him sad, Dean said he would do anything for Castiel. Anything he wanted. He didn't want Dean to do this just because he thought he had to. "I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with." he said gently, kissing him again.

"I'm perfectly fine with it, Cas." Dean insisted. "As long as you're comfortable with it." He kissed Castiel's lips again, a little more hungrily this time, but not too much. He wanted Cas to want this, to want him, and he needed Castiel to trust him completely. With his other hand, he fumbled with the top button of his shirt, making sure to go slowly to not freak Cas out. "You can stop me if you want," Dean breathed against Castiel's lips before kissing him again.

Castiel bit his lip, he wanted this. He felt bad for putting his selfish needs first but Dean understood it would take time before he could do the same. Instead of stopping Dean, he began helping him. He pushed his hands away, slowly undoing to buttons himself and pressing tentative kisses down his chest. He slowly pushed the shirt away, the fabric wrapping around Dean's arms and exposing his chest. The moonlight making the tanned skin glow and causing Castiel's breath to stop as he let his eyes linger over his form.

Dean's breath hitched as Cas took over and undid the rest of the buttons on Dean's white dress shirt, and he could only watch in amazement as Castiel dipped his head down and kissed his way down Dean's chest. He moaned quietly and flopped onto his back on the bed, his head sinking into the pillow. Castiel's lips on his bare skin felt amazing, and Dean was a little disappointed when he stopped. Breathing hard, Dean opened his eyes and was surprised to see Castiel just staring at his body open mouthed, eyes roaming over his chest and stomach. Dean shivered under his intense gaze and blushed a little; his body was nothing special, sure, he worked out, but he wasn't built like an athlete or anything.

Castiel managed to remove Dean's shirt completely, placing it carefully on the floor. He wasn't sure why, he just didn't want Dean to see him as eager to get rid of it. Which he was but at the time not. It was confusing when things conflicted like that but with good reason. This was a big step for Castiel, for both of them. He shuffled closer and leant on his side next to Dean, fingertips tracing lightly where the moonlight danced over the muscles. He looked up at Dean to make sure he was still okay with what he was doing.

Dean grinned and squirmed a little. "Tickles," he admitted with a giggle. "But it's good." He added, looking at Castiel reassuringly. He threw his head back and closed his eyes with a slight gasp as Castiel's warm fingers trailed down his chest. Castiel's fingers were rougher than a girl's but still smooth and delicate. "God, Cas," he said, half moaning, "You have no idea how good that feels…"

"Don't be afraid to say stop." he said, worried that Dean was only doing this because of him. He shyly reached over and peppered the other's chest with kisses, running his fingers experimentally over the exposed skin. "Beautiful" he breathed, blushing as he spoke. He giggled nervously, reaching up to kiss Dean's throat like he had to him earlier. He wanted to know what it felt like to be the one doing the kissing as he mimicked Dean's actions.

The iPod reached the end of the playlist and suddenly Dean's uneven breath and small, barely audible moans were loud in the silence. "Don't stop," he breathed, tangling his fingers in Castiel's hair and tipping his head back to give him better access to Dean's throat. His skin was hot, and everywhere Castiel touched him the heat become more intense. Dean closed his eyes and gasped as Castiel's tongue tentatively touched the skin at his throat.

Castiel grew more confident with each kiss, each touch. Dean's soft moans telling him to continue. He closed his eyes and let his mouth trail across Dean's neck, his hands roaming over Dean's chest. He sucked lightly on his Adam's apple, humming at the taste of his skin on his tongue. He pulled away timidly, returning to light kisses still uncertain by everything he was doing. He'd try a new place, a new touch before returning to something he both new they were comfortable with. Using this method to slowly explore Dean.

Dean was slowly becoming undone as Castiel continued to touch him and kiss him, and all Dean could do was lie there and try not to make a total fool of himself. "Cas," he moaned a little louder, losing control of himself. Cas was breathing against his neck and his mouth was warm and wet on Dean's skin, hands moving over Dean's chest, curiously feeling and touching and exploring, and _damn, _that was good. One of Dean's hands fisted in the quilt, and his other tangled in Castiel's hair, urging him up to kiss his lips again.

Castiel let himself be guided up to Dean's lips, kissing him passionately before moving away for air, tugging lightly on Dean's bottom lip as he did so. His pupils were full blown, covering up most of his blue eyes. His lips red and plump and his breath came ragged and uneven. He looked down at Dean, half on top of him. "You're so beautiful." he breathed, he bit his lip reaching up to stroke Dean's cheek tenderly. This was so much for him to give to Castiel, he couldn't begin to explain how considerate he was being. Not pressuring Castiel to take it further.

All Dean wanted to do was touch Cas like Cas was touching him, but he knew the other boy wasn't ready for that yet. If only Castiel knew how awesome it felt, Dean thought in frustration. He wanted to make Cas feel good like this. He wasn't expecting Castiel's teeth to dig into his lower lip, and it was surprisingly hot, making him gasp and moan again. When he pulled away to look down at him, Dean took notice of Castiel's full-blown pupils, his eyes dark and hungry, lips kiss-swollen, red and wet. Yet despite looking so aroused, Castiel was gazing at Dean with a tender, affectionate expression, and he'd just called Dean beautiful. "You're beautiful," he whispered, really, really meaning it and wishing he could show Cas how much he really did mean it. He wanted to see Castiel's body, worship it, but he wouldn't do anything they both weren't comfortable with.

Castiel blushed and bit Dean's lip again, finding the way he moaned fascinating. Castiel wanted share himself with Dean, not let him be the only one exposing himself like this. He felt like he was letting him down. He also wanted to know what Dean's hands felt like on his bare skin. Castiel took one of Dean's hands and slipped it under his shirt, gasping at the touch and placing his hand over his heart. His heart was racing and pounding against his chest. He kept his hand on top of Dean's, adjusting to the feeling before bending down to kiss Dean again, something he was comfortable with to comfort him as he experienced this alien sensation.

Dean moaned again when Castiel bit his lip; clearly that was some kind of hotspot on Dean. He nipped gently at Castiel's lip in return, and gasped in surprise as Cas took his hand and placed it over his heart. Dean could feel Castiel's heart racing against his palm, the shaky stuttering breaths, the heat of his skin… Dean wanted to really feel Castiel, move his hand and explore, but he wasn't sure if it would be all right. He waited until Cas pulled away a little from kissing him, and met his eyes. "Is this okay?" He moved his hand slightly, sliding across Castiel's chest, and watched his face the entire time for any indication that it was too much. He just wanted Castiel's shirt off, and he bit his lip in frustration.

Castiel gasped, struggling to keep his breathing level, with the heat radiating from Dean's hand and his breathy moans were sending him wild. "Dean." he breathed, as the other brushed his hand across his chest. He wanted to feel more of it. Dean's hands on his body. He swallowed thickly, eyes heavy and dark with arousal. He slid off Dean, sitting up on the bed away from Dean. He closed his eyes and began slowly undoing the buttons on his shirt. "Don't freak out" he breathed over and over again. His shirt slowly slipping down his arms, revealing tiny cut marks along the inside of Cas' arm near his armpit. He couldn't look at Dean and bit his lip, trying to hide as much of his body in the shadows as possible. He wanted Dean to touch him but with his issue of trust for the other, revealing his biggest secret was worrying Cas the most. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see the disappointed look on Dean's face.

Castiel moved away suddenly, and Dean was confused until he realized Cas was taking off his shirt. Holding his breath in excitement, Dean watched as the shirt slipped off Castiel's shoulders, and Cas was surprisingly skinny; Dean could see the bones of his shoulder blades and back moving under his skin and lean muscle, and when he turned a little Dean saw the cuts on the inside of his arm. He stared at them in confusion before he realized they were self-inflicted. He looked up at Cas, but the other's eyes were closed and he looked ashamed. Dean determinedly got onto his hands and knees and went behind Cas, pressing his lips to Castiel's back. He slowly peppered soft kisses up and down Castiel's spine, seeing bruises and scars both old and new. He kissed each one tenderly, wishing he could take away the pain.

Castiel gasped as Dean made his way up and down his back, touching him tenderly. He leaned into the touch but refused to open his eyes. He was ashamed, he hadn't caused himself harm in months but that didn't make the scars he had any less noticeable. Castiel felt exposed and vulnerable. Dean's light touches the only thing reassuring him he'd done the right thing by showing himself. He turned a little, pulling Dean up into a kiss. He needed something sensible and grounding as Dean's lips to comfort him amongst the alien sensations of skin on skin. "I'm sorry" he murmured against his lips, feeling guilty for having to burden Dean with his past.

"Oh, Cas," Dean breathed sadly, kissing him again. He broke away from Castiel's lips and gently urged Castiel to lie down on the bed on his back, and then kissed him again, pulling Castiel's tongue into his mouth and gently sucking on it. He placed one hand on either side of Castiel to support himself so he wasn't completely on top of him, and hovered above him, ducking his head down to kiss him. Dean raised his head up and pulled away enough so that he could see Castiel's body, and his eyes roamed over his skin. Castiel's skin was fair and smooth, except on his arm where the cuts were and the other scars and bruises from his brothers and kids at school, and some that could also be self inflicted, but Dean didn't care. "Cas, you're beautiful," he murmured, "Do you know that? Beautiful." And he dipped down again to capture his lips in another passionate kiss.

Castiel let himself be pushed back and lay down on the bed. He was grateful when Dean hovered above him, giving some space between them. Castiel wasn't sure he could do this with no where to move and Dean pressed against him. He thought he could do this if Dean allowed him that freedom, that option to duck out any time. It was more a thing of mind, a comforting option rather than an actual reality. Castiel felt a few tears roll down his cheek as Dean spoke. He didn't mind. Dean was okay with his baggage. He pulled Dean down into a tender kiss, hands stroking the other's hair as he trembled slightly beneath him. "Dean." he murmured pressing another kiss to his lips. "Thank you" he said sincerely, grateful Dean was willing to expect him, scars and all.

Dean's throat was tight again, and he really hoped he wasn't about to cry. He kissed Castiel's tears away, then moved down his neck, kissing at his jaw and licking at the hollow in his throat, where he could taste the salt of Castiel's sweat, and trailed his lips down the center of his chest, placing soft kisses along his angular collarbones which were really fascinating, and bit experimentally at the skin there, not too hard but just hard enough to leave a slight indent of his teeth, and then ran his tongue over it to sooth it. He backed away a little and smiled proudly. He'd just marked Castiel's skin. He kissed along to Castiel's shoulder, paying special attention to the bony knob on the top of Castiel's shoulder, the taught muscles, and then reached the small cuts on Castiel's arm. He slowed down and kissed them tenderly, letting his lips linger above each one. He balanced on his elbow, lowering himself down a little so he was just above Castiel but off to the side a little so the other boy wasn't completely trapped under him, and ran his palm from Castiel's waist all the way up his chest, his thumb brushing against Castiel's nipple as he did so.

Dean kissed away Castiel's tears, something so intimate Castiel was afraid he was going to start crying again. He tried focusing his mind on something else, to distract him. Turned out he didn't need to do that, his mind was cleared from all thoughts when Dean began kissing at his throat and collarbone. He gasped, eyes wide as he watched Dean travel done his body. The moonlight dancing off his skin and smoothly shaping the arch of his back. Castiel moved a hand to Dean's hair, partially to encourage him not to stop but also as an easy way of stopping him if it became to much. He tugged lightly at the boy's hair, letting out shuddery breaths as Dean kissed each one of his cuts. Each one symbolising a moment of darkness and loss of hope now being kissed and forgiven by his fallen angel. He moaned softly as Dean's hands roamed over him, gasping as he hit the sensitive area around his nipple. "Dean" he breathed, tugging at his hair and pulling him up to find his lips. He managed to turn them so they were both on their side, facing each other. Castiel's hands entwined with Dean's and held close between them over their hearts. Their foreheads pressed together and breathing in one another's air.

"Cas," Dean whispered, squeezing Castiel's hands in his own and rubbing his nose against Castiel's. His eyes were closed; they were too close for Dean to actually see Castiel's face. This was big, something so intimate and meaningful that it scared Dean a little, and part of him just wanted to run away from this. Dean wasn't used to emotional aspects of relationships; usually he was in just for the sexy times and then out, no connections or lasting commitments. But this was different; Cas was different, and Dean wanted this to mean something to both of them. He knew it was more important than anything, and he was scared of messing it up. Dean gently kissed the tip of Castiel's nose and the tops of his cheekbones, over his forehead and down his chin before pressing one more slower kiss to his lips and then returning to their foreheads pressed together. It was fascinating how quickly the mood kept changing between them; one moment it was desperate and needy, and the next it was slow and tender.

Castiel was grateful for Dean's patience. Castiel kept trying to move forward with what they were doing, exploring one another but he didn't have the confidence to keep it up for long and had to take a step back to the tender, comfort of Dean's lips and light touches. It was silly, taking one step forward and two back but it's what Castiel needed to even get this far. He pressed a lingering, lazy kiss to Dean's lips, taking his time as he tasted the other's lips, nipping at them lightly. Castiel kept his eyes closed and Dean close, resting his forehead against the other's. "I blame your iPod for this." he chuckled breathlessly, deflating a little.

Dean huffed a laugh and smiled against Castiel's lips. He unhooked one of his hands from Castiel's and draped it over his waist loosely. "Yeah, P!nk and Kelly Clarkson will do that to you," he agreed teasingly. He shivered as the cool night air blew over his bare skin, goosebumps rising. "You wanna get under the covers?" He suggested, then blushed furiously. "Not because… you know, just… it'll be warmer under there…?" He trailed off and groaned slightly, closing his eyes again and pushing his nose against Castiel's cheek.

Castiel laughed, Dean was almost as shy as him sometimes. It was adorable the way he blushed, showing the faint freckles that spread across the bridge of his nose and cheeks. He shuffled away from Dean to pull the covers over them, sighing as the draft no longer brushed against his skin. He cuddled back up to Dean, resuming the previous position. "Better?" he asked with a small smile. A long silence drew over them before Castiel spoke again. "P!nk helped me to stop." he said quietly. He wasn't sure why he was telling Dean. He felt like he owed him a bit of an explanation about the cuts. He'd been so understanding and didn't feel repulsed by him, he deserved to know a least a bit. "It sounds silly, b-but she really made me feel like there was still hope. That, one day I'd find that person that makes me feel as special as her songs do." He pressed a quick kiss to Dean's lips. "And that's you."

Dean was speechless. He pulled Castiel closer to him and breathed in deeply, holding him tight with no intention of letting go. Castiel's chest was warm against his, the feeling of skin on skin pleasant and comforting. He tugged the covers up higher over their bare shoulders. He didn't want to bring attention to the cuts, thinking that was the last thing Cas would want to talk about tonight, so he was shocked when Castiel mentioned it. He couldn't understand why Castiel would purposely hurt himself, when everyone else was already doing it for him. He was just introducing more pain into his life. And Dean didn't know what to say when Cas told him that he was the one person who made him feel special. So he just kissed him carefully and stayed close.

Castiel snuggled up close to Dean, letting out a shuddery breath. Glad to finally have some of this off of his chest. He would tell Dean the rest soon enough. He just wanted him to understand, to bring him closer by letting him in the little bit more. After everything they'd been through together Castiel only thought it was right to share these things with Dean. He was the friend he'd never had. The one you'd stay up all night with and tell each other secrets, bringing you that much closer together. Maybe not as close as Dean and Castiel but the notion was similar. "I'm sorry, Dean." he said quietly, brushing his nose against the other's."I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." He bit his lip worrying Dean was only pretending to be okay with this. He was being uncharacteristically silent and Castiel couldn't help but feel the anxiety rise in his chest.

Dean backed away a little and studied Castiel's face. He was biting his lip, which he did a lot, and Dean couldn't resist the temptation to kiss it away, so he leaned back in and nibbled at Castiel's lips before sliding his tongue across them. He pulled away but stayed close, leaning his forehead against Castiel's again, and ran his hand up and down Castiel's arm, tracing the muscles, and then gently touched the scars on the upper part of his arm where Cas had cut himself. "I'm not uncomfortable, Cas. I just… I don't know what to say," he said sadly, looking at the many small scars. "Why did you do this to yourself?" he whispered, frowning in concern as his thumb lightly traced each scar.

Castiel gasped as Dean ran his tongue across his lips. He was melting into the touch but it was soon taken away as Dean spoke. He frowned, closing his eyes, ashamed to look at Dean. He shuddered as Dean ran his thumb over the sensitive skin. "I was in a dark place.." he began, his voice barely above a whisper. "M-My brothers, they'd beat me senseless. I'd feel nothing, for hours. Just curl up in a corner with this numb throbbing and I thought to myself, I don't deserve this. I-I don't deserve to get off this easily. To not feel the pain. I-I thought I was worthless and pathetic, that my brothers w-were right and that I needed to be punished for my sins. So I started inflicting my own pain…" He took a gulp of air. "…after your dad…did what he did. He showed me a whole new side to pain that I-I indulged in w-whenever I felt numb or unworthy." Castiel hadn't realised he'd stopped talking until a longer silence drew over them. He pressed his lips to Dean's, needing some form of comfort even if Dean wasn't ready talk about this.

Dean's throat tightened painfully and his chest constricted. "Cas," he whispered brokenly, breaking away from his lips and pulling back a little so he could see Castiel's face. Dean ran his thumb over Castiel's eyelids, his forehead, and the bridge of his nose. "Okay, I don't know how religious you are or what your family's told you, but you do _not _deserve to be in pain. You aren't worthless, Cas. And my dad's a soulless bastard." He kissed Castiel gently and then took a deep breath and sang, "_Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel like you're less than, less than perfect…" _He knew it was cheesy to start singing and Cas was probably going to think he was an idiot, but it was really fitting, he thought. He didn't know how to say how he felt in his own words, so he used P!nk's instead. "_Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing, you are perfect to me." _His voice was rough and breaking, and he couldn't hit all the notes with his throat closed up like this.

Castiel relished in Dean's touches. Each one sending shivers of anticipation down his spine. The Dean started singing to him and he felt like everything else didn't matter. That they were the only two people on Earth. He could hear Dean's voice was uneven and thick with emotion. Castiel dared to open his eyes, seeing Dean's expression made his heart sink. It was so powerful and meant so much to Castiel. He didn't care that it wasn't Dean's own words. The fact that what he was saying, singing, was genuine and he meant every word judging by the sincere look in his eyes. Castiel cut him off from singing, pulling him into a passionate kiss expressing his gratitude in a way that words just couldn't. He pulled away for air, breathing quickly in short, sharp breaths before kissing him again. Uttering something under his breath that sounded something like _thank you._

Dean gasped when Castiel suddenly pulled him in by the back of his neck and then they were kissing passionately, desperately, and Dean tried to keep up with him. Suddenly everything was heated and needy again, and Dean tangled his fingers in Castiel's hair and tugged to change the angle of the kiss so their mouths slotted together more firmly. Dean slipped his tongue into Castiel's mouth and explored, and Dean felt like he needed to say something, or do something, but he didn't know what, and it frustrated him, so he just settled for muttering Castiel's name again and again and moaning into Castiel's mouth before backing away and slowing the kiss down a little, licking Castiel's lips slowly and pulling his lower lip with his teeth before backing away to rest his forehead against Castiel's again. Both of them were breathing hard after that, and Dean's entire body was tingling and his ears were buzzing.

Castiel gasped as Dean slipped his tongue into his mouth. The feeling still bizarre to him. He mimicked Dean as much as he could, using his own tongue to explore Dean's mouth, humming at the sensation. He whimpered as Dean slowly retracted, licking at his lip to keep him close. He eventually moved away and rested their heads together, Castiel trying to keep up with what was happening. He couldn't help but chuckle. This evening was not what he was expecting. It was so much more than he could ever dream of but the reality of it all seemed surreal to Castiel. He couldn't believe he was being granted this amazing chance to be thought of this was making him chuckle which eventually turned into a giggling fit. He buried his head in Dean's neck, trying to calm himself but he just couldn't help it. His face was growing red and his eyes watered. His sides ached and he hadn't laughed this hard in a long time. "Sorry" he managed to say before cracking up again.

Dean sighed and rolled his eyes fondly. "Cas, you need to get your brain analyzed. It's impossible to keep up with your emotions and I'm starting to think you're bipolar." He pulled Cas closer and ruffled his hair as Castiel buried his face in his neck. Despite himself, Dean started laughing as well, slowly and quietly at first, but Castiel's laughter was contagious and soon Dean was laughing without even knowing what was funny. As long as Castiel was happy, Dean was too.

"I'm not bipolar." he pouted with a chuckle. "It's just hard getting through all this without really knowing what I'm doing. I feel like crying and laughing all at the same time. I can't keep up with it either." he tried to explain. All these experiences were knew to Cas, sharing, opening up, touching another. He didn't know where to start or how to cope. No wonder Dean thought he was crazy. "Sorry" he said again, his chuckling subsiding. He wrapped an arm around Dean, leaning by his side and watching him fondly.

Dean smiled softly when Castiel wrapped an arm around him and they gazed at each other. Dean closed the small space between them with a gentle, loving kiss, and then laid his head on the pillow and looked up at Cas. "I know," he agreed, "This is really big for me too," he admitted, tracing the contours of Castiel's collarbones with his fingertips. "Just promise you'll tell me if it gets to be too much, and we can back off a little, if you need to." Dean really hoped that didn't happen. He was caught up in this moment as much as Castiel, and he didn't think he could keep away from him any more.

Castiel nodded, smiling softly. "I promise." He ran a hand into Dean's hair, pulling him closer as he loosely tangled their legs together. "As long as you do the same." he haggled. He didn't want Dean to be pushing himself just to please Castiel. They were in this together. He couldn't let them do anything if Dean wasn't in to it as much as he was, even if it was just experimental touching and kissing. He kissed Dean passionately, swiping his tongue over Dean's lip wanting to explore his mouth again. To taste him on his lips.

Dean moaned and his eyes fluttered closed. Castiel's mouth was amazing, and Dean willingly opened his lips and let Castiel in. When Castiel's tongue slid into his mouth, Dean closed his lips over it and sucked, then pushed his own tongue against it. Their tongues swirled and danced as the kiss got hotter, wetter and dirtier. When Dean broke away and gasped for breath, he murmured, "How the hell did you get so good at kissing?!"

Castiel could feel his cheek turn red, his lips parted slightly as he panted for breath. He was glad to know he was good kisser. He'd never kissed anyone before so he was afraid he'd be doing it wrong. "I'm just copying the expert." he said sheepishly, realising how bad that sounded. It made Dean sound like some cheap tramp. "Sorry" he muttered, embarrassed and just decided it would be better if he stopped talking and just continued to kiss Dean like that.

Dean laughed against Castiel's lips. "You're a fast learner," he said in a low murmur and slid his hand up Castiel's spine to tangle in his hair, and they began kissing again. It was really good. Better than any girl Dean had ever made out with, which was saying something because Cas was a guy. It was really different and unfamiliar, but incredibly hot; Castiel's body was all lean, hard muscle and bone, no soft curves like a girl, and he didn't smell like perfume. It was just that faint scent of vanilla, pine cone and peppermint that was purely Castiel. There was no makeup or sticky lipstick or long hair, and somehow that made everything more real, more intense. Also, the fact that they were equals in strength was intriguing. Nobody Dean had ever made out with before had any sort of physical advantage over him, no dominance, and Dean was wondering if Castiel would be like that when they got more comfortable. He wondered what it felt like to be held down and kissed.

Castiel smiled as they continued to kiss, short gasps escaping his lips here or there when Dean touched him in certain places along his spine. He moaned softly as Dean tugged on his hair slightly, it felt really nice. Better than he'd ever imagine it to be. He placed his own hand over Dean and into the sheets behind him, turning them slightly so Cas hovered above him. He still kept a gap between them, like Dean had earlier, keeping his hands on either side of Dean. The new angle gave him better access to Dean's mouth as he bit lightly down on the other's lower lip, sliding his tongue into his mouth and kissing him deeply. The sensation was incredible, his heart was pounding and his arms felt week. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to stay in this position for long as his arms threatened to give way.

Dean's heart thudded loudly when Castiel moved so he was above Dean, and he wondered if Castiel had read his mind. It felt surreal to have Cas kissing him like this, and he moaned louder than before when Castiel's teeth sunk into his lip and tugged lightly before sliding his tongue into his mouth. Dean skimmed his hands lightly up and down Castiel's back before coming to rest on his hips tentatively. Everything was hot, and Dean was a little worried about certain other involuntary physical reactions that were likely to happen soon enough, and he wasn't sure Cas was ready for anything more than this to happen.

Castiel continued to kiss Dean heavy and hot, moaning into his mouth. After a while the kisses became slower and less needy. Castiel managed to shifted them so Castiel lay with his legs tangled with Dean's and his head just below Dean's shoulder. He was beginning to grow tired, never wanting it to end but sleep was drawing him in as he pressed lazy kisses to Dean's skin where he could, his hand resting over Dean's heart.

After a while of the hot, passionate kissing and touching, they slowed down, to Dean's relief and slight disappointment. It was getting late, though, and they were both tired from all the emotional revelations of the evening, and Castiel breathing steadily against his chest was relaxing. Dean's arm was wrapped around the other boy's waist and held him close. In their frantic kissing, the blankets had shifted down to their waists and Dean pulled them back up to their shoulders to keep them warm, and then he settled back down against Castiel, absently stroking a hand through his hair. Dean looked down at Castiel in wonder, still not really sure how this had happened.

Castiel had fallen asleep and awoke with a start, the sun just rising and giving Dean's skin a slight glow. Castiel was panting softly, his nightmares, not as bad as last time but freaking him out to say the least. He looked down at Dean's slumbering form and curled up next to him. He'd be safe if he was with Dean. It was just a dream, he told himself as he played with Dean's hair softly to try and calm himself down.

Dean woke up slowly. Castiel was playing with his hair and they were wrapped up in each other, warm under the blankets on the bed, and Dean had never felt more comfortable. He hummed happily and pulled Castiel closer, opening his eyes a little to see what time it was. He was surprised it was sunrise; he didn't even remember going to sleep. As Dean's sleep addled mind woke up a little more, he became aware of Castiel's slight trembling, and he looked at him in concern. "You okay?" he mumbled tiredly.

Castiel nodded, continuing to play with the other's hair and kissed his forehead. "Just a bit worried about what happens next." he said reluctantly, not really wanting to bring up the subject but he couldn't lie to Dean and he would only worry if he didn't say anything. He was concerned of what would happen if his brother found out or worse, Mr Winchester.

Dean smiled softly when Cas kissed his forehead. "Whatever happens, we're in this together, Cas." He replied. He knew there were risks with… whatever they had, and they would have to be careful not to be found out. "Are you okay with this?" Dean asked worriedly, "I mean, with whatever we are… whatever this makes us, are you okay with things like this?" Dean blushed and trailed off, a little worried Cas was going to change his mind about the whole thing and want to go back to being just friends.

Castiel grabbed for Dean's hand holding it in his own. "Yes." he answered, kissing the knuckles on Dean's hand tentatively. He gave a small, sheepish smile watching Dean carefully. They'd make it work, he thought to himself. Even if they couldn't see each other for a week or so it would be worth it just to do this again. Away from everyone else and just be themselves together.

Dean watched in fascination as Castiel kissed each knuckle on his hand gently and carefully. "Does this make us…" he trailed off awkwardly, a little afraid to label them as boyfriends, because it sounded kind of lame, and he wasn't sure Cas wanted to commit to something like that. Dean wasn't even sure he was ready for that, but he wanted them to be together more than anything. He knew if people found out about them there would be huge consequences from both of their families and from everyone at school, and Dean had to admit he was nervous, but he wouldn't let that stop him from doing this again.

"It makes it what we want it to be," he replied carefully. He could see Dean was hesitantly and unsure about asking if they were now together. It was understandable, actually labelling it would make it seem more real, which was a good thing but would soon become serious and very risky if anyone ever found out. He kissed Dean's hand again, assuring him it was all fine. Even though Castiel was still worrying about what they were going to do.

Dean giggled helplessly as an idea popped into his head. "This is a lot like Romeo and Juliet," he told Cas. "Families hate each other, forbidden love, secrecy…" he giggled even more. "Oh, you doth make the flame burn bright," he quoted in a crappy Shakespearean accent, or at least he thought those were the words. Leave it to Dean to make a joke out of something serious. "Sorry," he muttered, still giggling quietly, and of course he couldn't just leave it like that. "Let's get married in two days and _not_ kill ourselves."

Castiel chuckled, he hadn't thought of it like that but now he couldn't get the idea out of his head. "You are a lover; borrow Cupid's wings, and soar with them above a common bound. I am too sore enpierced with his shaft, to soar with his light feathers, and so bound. I cannot bound a pitch above dull woe, under love's heavy burden do I sink." Castiel crooned, reciting from memory. It was from a discussion between Romeo and Mercutio, describing love in violent and painful terms. Castiel's eyes were closed as he spoke softly, before laughing at Dean's comment. "As long as you wear a dress this time." he haggled with a laugh.

Dean groaned and buried his face in the pillow. "Why is it always me that wears the dress?" His voice muffled by the pillow. He was laughing at how accurate the Romeo and Juliet metaphor was. Castiel had just recited some Shakespeare and Dean was utterly confused at the language. He'd never been able to follow what any of that stuff meant, all he understood was the basic plot and the characters. "And what does that even mean?" He groaned tiredly, stroking Castiel's arm and fitting his hand over his bicep. It was too early in the morning for Shakespeare.

"You've got better legs, you can pull it off." Castiel giggled, running a hand through Dean's hair. "Doesn't matter." he murmured, he didn't want to bum Dean out and he looked tired and not in the mood for an English lesson. "Just go back to sleep." he said softly, snuggling up next to him and holding him close.

"You've never even seen my legs," Dean scoffed, before he realized what he'd just said and he blushed, hiding his face in Castiel's neck with another groan. Yeah, sleep sounded like a good idea. He placed his hand in the dip in Castiel's side and spread his fingers out to absorb the heat from Castiel's sleep-warm skin.

Castiel chuckled and wrapped his arm under Dean's and hooked his hand up to play with the tuft of hair sticking up at the side of Dean's head. He soon found himself falling asleep again in the warmth of Dean's arms.

Dean stayed awake for a few minutes after Castiel fell asleep. He just watched him in amazement, reflecting back on everything that they'd been through in the short time they'd known each other, and what it had become. Castiel's arms were wrapped comfortably around him and everything was perfect, but Dean knew their problems still existed. He was dreading going back out into the real world, back to school and back to his family, and he didn't want to go through the effort of hiding this. He didn't want to suffer the fear of being found out. If Dean had it his way, he would announce it proudly and damn the consequences, but he didn't want to lose Castiel. He had to guard their secret to protect Castiel, because Castiel was the most important thing. Dean wanted him to feel safe.

Castiel awoke a few hours later to Dean pressed tightly against him. He hummed sleepily, feeling the warmth from the other. It was a lovely way to wake up, wrapped in someone's arms but the thought soon became cold and empty when realization kicked in that this couldn't happen every day. They'd be lucky if they could even do this once a week without drawing suspicion. Castiel sighed, burying his face into Dean's neck, hoping to hide his problems too. He kissed the skin delicately as he felt the gentle rise and fall of Dean's chest against his. The sun was out and dancing around the room, lighting up the simple wooden cabin. It wasn't much but it felt more like home than his house ever could.

Dean inhaled deeply, the scent of Castiel surrounding him and making him smile. He was warm and happy, his body loose and languid from sleep and wrapped around Castiel. They'd woken up together before, but this time it was different, and Dean rubbed his hand up and down Castiel's arm, which was draped over his stomach, tracing his fingers lightly along the back of Castiel's hand. Castiel kissed Dean's neck softly, the intimate gesture meaning more to Dean than he expected, and he was overcome with affection. "Morning, angel." He mumbled sleepily against the top of Castiel's head.

Castiel gasped softly, not aware that Dean was awake his voice filling the quiet room. He blushed at the endearment, pressing another kiss against the skin. "Hello" he smiled sheepishly. Castiel wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. The other times they'd awoken together was when Castiel had nightmares. Dean had comforted him and he'd mad things awkward and left like nothing happened. But now, it was cozy and warm and Castiel had never felt more comfortable in this life. The only problem being how he thought Dean felt about this. Castiel was worrying too much. He kissed Dean's collarbone, dissolving the thought.

Dean intwined his fingers with Castiel's and played with them lazily, his other hand stroking up and down against Castiel's side, feeling the warmth of his skin and the muscle and bone of his body. They were under the covers and it was cozy and warm, and Dean couldn't get the ridiculously goofy smile off his face. Dean had never woken up in bed with any of his girlfriends before; usually they just did their thing and then left a little while later. He certainly didn't stick around for the cuddling, but for some reason he loved doing this with Cas. He never wanted to get up.

Castiel watched their hands with fascination. It felt nice but slightly saddening at the same time. How something so simple as holding hands could connect them together if they were feeling sad and needed comfort or were happy and rejoicing the fact with one another. What saddened Castiel was that they could only do this in private. They'd never be able to walk down street, greet each other in public and Castiel felt like something so great in his life had been burdened with the responsibility of keeping it hidden. He continued to kiss at Dean's chest, relishing in every moment he could.

Castiel's lips were warm against Dean's chest as he pressed soft kisses there, and it felt amazing. It was so meaningful and beautiful. Dean brought Castiel's hand up to his lips and kissed each knuckle on every finger, slowly and gently, then turned it over and kissed the palm of his hand several times, tracing his lips lightly along the lines of Castiel's palm. He kissed the veins in his wrist, pressing his lips there for a moment to feel the pulse point, and reveled in how real this all was. But then he realized what he was doing and he giggled a little. "Biggest chick flick moment ever," he muttered with a grin against Castiel's hand.

"Who says chick flicks have to be a bad thing?" Castiel smiled, closing his eyes briefly as Dean kissed his hand. His lips against his skin, it was so intimate and relaxing. Castiel was ready to admit it was something he could get used to. He reached out to play with Dean's hair, kissing the skin behind Dean's ear as he reached over him to hover above him slightly. "You're so beautiful." he grinned, his tussled dark hair contrasting with his bright blue eyes.

Dean grinned and almost purred when Cas kissed that sensitive spot behind his ear. It made his body feel like jelly and all he could do was smile stupidly. When Cas hovered above him and called him beautiful, Dean blushed and closed his eyes, turning his face sideways into the pillow. "You keep saying that," he mumbled, rubbing a hand self-conciously through his messy hair before opening his eyes and gaping at Castiel. "But if you could see yourself right now you wouldn't be calling me pretty, Cas." Castiel was stunning in the morning sunlight. Dean had never noticed just how gorgeous Castiel really was, which completely went against all of Dean's preconceptions about what was attractive, namely, girls with long hair and large breasts. Castiel's black hair was slightly wavier than usual and sticking up in odd directions, several pieces hanging over his forehead, and his eyes were wide and bright, the most amazing color of blue Dean had ever seen. His cheeks were pink from the morning warmth, and his lips were slightly parted as he looked at Dean. And Dean couldn't help but notice the love bite from last night on Castiel's collarbone.

"I keep saying it because it's true." Castiel smiled, leaning down to kiss behind his ear again wanting to hear him purr again, the noise that he could make Dean produce made Castiel all the more fascinated. Castiel followed Dean's eyes and saw the lovebite on his collarbone. Castiel blushed but was relieved to see it was about the same colour as a bruise so Castiel could get away with it. Not that anyone would think that's he'd managed to get someone to kiss him let alone give him a love bit but it made things easier to hide. Castiel continued to place tender kisses along Dean's ear down his throat, sucking on the pulse point and swiping his tongue over the skin as he marked Dean himself. He admired his work and looked up at Dean. "Absolutely beautiful." he breathed.

Dean moaned softly and tilted his head back to expose his throat to Castiel in a basic act of trust. He hummed in pleasure when Castiel kissed down his neck and sucked on Dean's neck, and he supposed he was going to have a mark there too. The thought made him strangely excited. Cas pulled up a little and looked at Dean again, and Dean could only stare back with a stoned-looking smile on his face. He reached a hand up between their bodies and cupped Castiel's cheek softly, flicking his eyes over the other boy's face. "_Stunning," _he agreed, only he was referring to Castiel.

Castiel blushed, hiding his face in Dean's neck and pressed tender kisses where he could reach. He slowly shifted so Castiel lay half on top of him, legs entwined and his head resting at the top of Dean's chest, looking up at him. He traced circles against the muscles in Dean's chest lightly with his fingertips. He hummed with content gradually getting comfortable with exploring each other's bodies like this. He was pretty sure as soon as Dean put clothes on all he was going to be thinking about was imagining what he looked like with his shirt off.

Dean shifted to get more comfortable as Castiel melted into him, their bodies touching as much as possible. It was strange and unfamiliar having another guy's bare chest pressed against his when Dean was so used to female bodies, but this was way better. He smiled down at Cas and wrapped his legs around Castiel's, keeping them close together, and placed a hand on the small of Castiel's back, right above the waistband of his dress pants, but was careful not to let his hand drift any lower. "We should do this every weekend," He mumbled with a lazy smile, tracing the bones in Castiel's spine with his fingers.

Castiel hummed in agreement, the thought of lying here with Dean was certainly a good one but he couldn't help but feel like it would never happen. He doubted he would be able to sneak out every weekend, he wasn't even sure if he'd managed to get away this time. For all he knew his brothers had found his bed empty and were waiting for him. That thought made Castiel curl tighter around Dean, kissing him where he could reach, not wanting to leave.

Dean pulled Castiel more on top of him, loving the feel of Castiel's weight pressing against his entire body. It was warm and comforting, and Dean wrapped both of his arms around Castiel's waist to keep him there, and smiled up at him. He opened his legs a little so Castiel's fit between them, and then wrapped his ankles around Castiel's calves. He'd never been so comfortable, and he was aware that he was using Castiel as a blanket, but he loved it. He buried his nose in Castiel's neck and inhaled deeply. "You smell nice," he mumbled sleepily.

Castiel blushed, he wasn't sure he would ever get used to Dean's compliments. It felt nice to be wrapped in one another like this. He reached out one hand to caress Dean's hair, smiling softly."I could do this all day" he murmured, pressing tender kisses to the skin where he could reach. Darting his tongue across the length of Dean's neck, and kissing his way back down.

Dean grinned and closed his eyes, tilting his head back in contentment as Castiel's mouth caressed his neck. "Mmm, me too." He murmured, placing his hands on Castiel's sides and sliding them up and down slowly, feeling the warmth of Castiel's skin. "I don't wanna ever get up." Castiel's fingers brushed through his hair delicately, hitting that spot behind Dean's ear that made his scalp tingle and his entire body relax. He really was like a cat, he realized. Dean slid his hands up to rest on Castiel's shoulderblades, fascinated by the muscle moving under his hands.

Castiel hummed in agreement, slowly working his way down to Dean's collarbone and licking in the hollow groove before kissing over it tenderly. Dean had experimented on his chest the night before and Castiel was curious to try it out for himself. He could feel Dean's hands on his shoulder-blades and the warmth flowed through his body, making his spine tingle with desire. The rom-com movies, he watched certainly didn't prepare him for something as amazing and surprised as Dean made him feel.

Dean gasped quietly, arching into Castiel's touch as he kissed down his chest. "God, that feels awesome," he said breathlessly, running his hands up Castiel's back to cup the back of his neck gently, then tangled in his hair and pulled lightly, urging Castiel to continue. Dean's chest was more sensitive than he'd thought. Or maybe that was just Cas. Castiel was slowly working his way down his body, and their legs slid together as he shifted down, and Dean felt arousal pooling in his gut and really hoped he wasn't getting an erection. He didn't want to freak Castiel out with that, because he didn't think Cas was ready for that yet.

Castiel chuckled breathlessly at Dean's reaction, the fact that he was making him sound like that was doing things to him. The thought of being too aroused suddenly worried Castiel and he had to close his eyes and think of something else to calm himself down a moment. He didn't want to stop what he was doing but he didn't want to let things get out of hand either. After a moment he continued to lick and kiss slowly down Dean's chest until he reached a nipple and decided to circle his tongue slowly around it, remembering how good it felt when Dean had rubbed his thumb over his.

Dean's eyes widened in shock as Castiel's tongue found his nipple and traced around it in a circle. He moaned loudly, surprising himself, and then blushed deeply, but he didn't care. Castiel's mouth was hot and wet over his nipple, sucking, licking and nibbling experimentally, and Dean was suddenly more aroused. He really hoped Castiel didn't notice that he was starting to get hard, because Cas was on top of Dean and basically in between his legs, and Dean panicked a little, shifting so they were a little more on their sides and Castiel was no longer all the way on top of Dean.

Castiel blushed when Dean moved them. Dean had seemed to like it, maybe he'd moved too fast for Dean. He returned to just kissing lightly at Dean's lips and jaw, his hand caressing his hair. Something simple and easy for both of them. Castiel couldn't get the sound of Dean's moans out of his head. He sounded amazing, and whilst lying on top of him he could practically feel the sound vibrate through his whole body. He hummed, as he nudged his nose against Dean's neck, smelling him. The mixture of sweat, faint cologne and what could only be described as Dean burned through his nostrils. It made him feel slightly dizzy but held onto Dean for support.

Dean blushed deeper when he saw Castiel blush, and was worried Castiel noticed. Dean shifted a little more, making sure their lower bodies weren't touching too much, because Dean didn't want to make Castiel uncomfortable. "Sorry," he muttered with an apologetic smile, taking deep breaths to calm himself down and try to get his body back in control. He couldn't help it, he was a teenager. This kind of thing just happened, right? He forced himself to think about something else to distract himself, and breathed a sigh of relief when accidental boners were no longer an issue, at least for the moment. He tipped his head back and tugged Castiel's hair as the other boy kissed his neck and jaw, and it felt amazing. He wanted to make Castiel feel this good.

Castiel frowned, he wasn't sure why Dean was apologising. Maybe it was because Castiel had moved too fast and Dean felt bad for rejecting him. "Don't be." he murmured against his skin. He could understand, Castiel had told Dean to slow down the night before it only seemed fair and Castiel was glad he was beginning to feel his lower half stir. He closed his eyes, thinking of something else until the feeling died down. He moaned softly against the skin as Dean pulled his hair. It felt so good, probably more than it should. Which caused him to blush but he still kept working his mouth slowly over Dean's throat and the sensitive skin behind his ears.

Dean smiled and hummed in contentment as Castiel spoke against his skin, loving the feel of his lips vibrating warmly on his chest and his breath ghosting hotly over his skin. He noticed how Castiel moaned when Dean pulled on his hair, and he grinned and made a mental note to himself that it was one of Castiel's sensitive spots. This was all about learning each other, exploring themselves and each other's bodies to find out what they liked. Dean loved the moans he could draw out of Castiel's mouth, and deliberately pulled a little harder on his hair as Castiel mouthed the place behind his ear. That wasn't fair; it made Dean weak and all he could do was shut his eyes and whimper in desire.

Castiel chuckled breathlessly, he loved the desperate noises he could get Dean to make if he touched him in just the right spot. Castiel closed his eyes and moaned, tilting his head up as Dean tugged on hair. "Dean." he gasped, feeling his body tremble slightly with desire. He leaned against Dean's hand wanting more.

When Dean was able to, he smirked at Cas and tugged his hair again, changing the angle of his head and drawing Cas up to kiss his mouth. They both had a little bit of morning breath but neither of them cared enough to stop, and they kissed deeply, Dean tangling his fingers in Castiel's hair and pulling experimentally on different parts of his head. He began to feel more and more aroused, but Castiel was trembling with desperation so he couldn't stop. "God, Cas," Dean moaned against Castiel's cheek before crashing their mouths together sloppily.

Castiel gasped against his mouth, running up his hands to rest in Dean's hair, pulling him closer. How Dean pulled on his hair sent jolts of electricity and made him moan against Dean's mouth. His breathing came in short and fast as he pressed his lips, opened mouthed against Dean's a lot hotter and more intense than the night before.

"Fuck," Dean gasped as Castiel kissed him fiercely, and Dean kissed back, both of them fighting for control. It was the hottest thing Dean had ever experienced, and there was no denying the fact that he had an erection now. He only hoped Cas was feeling the way he was, because if he wasn't it would be a little awkward. Dean moaned desperately into Castiel's mouth, loving the way Cas was gasping and breathing heavily. "Cas!" Dean moaned, arching up into Castiel and sliding his hands all over his back, which was beginning to get slick with sweat. Damn, that was hot.

Castiel almost lost the will to live when Dean swore, it sounded so hot. He could feel the arousal pooling in his stomach. His cheeks blushed red as he felt himself getting hard. He shifted a little so their lower half wasn't touching he didn't want knowing how undone he was making him, it might put Dean off this whole thing for moving too fast. Castiel bit Dean's lip, quieting a moan of his own. His hands moved from Dean's hair, wondering over Dean's chest with light fingers before clutching at his shoulders as he moaned into Dean's mouth again before pulling away for breath.

Dean whimpered when Castiel bit his lip; for some reason he really enjoyed it. Dean noticed Castiel shift away carefully, and wondered with curiosity just how good Castiel was feeling. But then Cas gripped his shoulders hard enough to leave bruises and moaned into his mouth, and Dean forgot about everything except the growing hardness in his pants, and he gasped and looked up at Castiel's face when they pulled apart, noticing how flushed Castiel's skin was, and how his pupils had expanded to almost completely fill the blue irises, and fuck, Dean was out of control. He grabbed Castiel's head and tugged him down for another needy kiss, then slid his hand down Castiel's back to rest right above the waistband of his pants, desperate but hesitant at the same time.

Castiel whimpered into the kiss as Dean pulled him back closer. He gasped and froze a little as Dean's hand slipped lower. "Dean." he said in warning and desperation. He wasn't sure how he wanted this to play out. Castiel wanted nothing more than for Dean to touch him everywhere but at the same time he wasn't sure, he'd never done this before and was worrying of what might happen. He held onto Dean's hand, deciding which way to move it before timidly sliding Dean's hand to graze on his hipbone, under his pants. He gasped as the heat sent jolts of electricity flowing through his body before reaching up to cup Dean's face and kiss him hard.

Dean held still and tried to control his breathing as he watched Cas carefully. Castiel stilled Dean's hand, and Dean hesitated, about to draw it back in case Castiel didn't want it there, but then Castiel moved it carefully and encouraged Dean to touch Castiel's hipbone, fingers sliding underneath the hem of the pants. Dean could only watch open mouthed, and then looked at Castiel's face. Cas was becoming undone, and he gasped as Dean's fingers traced his hipbone slightly and then they were kissing deeply again. Dean hesitantly reached for one of Castiel's hands and placed it on his own hip, copying Castiel's actions and making sure it was something they were both comfortable with. They were both hard now, but their lower bodies were carefully spaced apart, neither of them quite ready to make the first move but both of them desperate for more.

Castiel whimpered as Dean moved his hand to rest on Dean's hip. His lips were parted and his eyes fully blown. He couldn't believe this was happening, he was scared and excited all at the same time. His fingers dug lightly into Dean's hip as he kissed Dean desperately, moaning against the other's mouth as Dean's fingers dragged over the skin on his hip. "Fuck" he groaned, biting his lip before he could stop the word from escaping his lips. He rested his head against Dean's briefly, gasping for breath. "Dean" he panted, watching him carefully and wondering if Dean was enjoying this as much as him.

Dean took the moment they were apart to try to breathe and he met Castiel's eyes steadily. "You okay, Cas?" He asked, tracing his hand gently over Castiel's face as he looked at him worriedly. He needed to be sure that Cas was all right with what they were doing and if they were going to take it farther, which Dean definitely wanted to, but only if Cas was comfortable with it. They stared into each other's eyes hungrily, both of them breathing hard and beginning to sweat, cheeks flushed with heat and desire.

Castiel nodded, not trusting his voice to be able to reply with anything other than the boy's name. He placed his hand over Dean's, smiling softly. Pink creeping in his skin along the bridge of his nose and cheeks, his lips red from kissing and his eyes almost black. He carefully placed his leg in between Dean's, brushing his knee against Dean's erection. His body tilting into Dean's slightly as he kissed him deeply, running his hand down Dean's side timidly.

Dean gasped and shifted so they were pressed against each other more firmly, feeling Castiel's erection against his thigh and pressing his own into Castiel's thigh. He moaned and gasped as the room spun. "Holy shit," he choked out, placing his hands on Castiel's hips and adjusting their position a little more, and _God_, right there. "Cas," he whined as heat flared through his entire body. He needed to move. He uncertainly shifted against Cas, and the friction was perfect. He hoped Castiel was enjoying this as much as he was.

Castiel bit his lip, let out a low moan, tipping his head back as Dean shifted them. The heat and friction was over-whelming. "Dean." he whimpered as Dean shifted his hips closer to his. He felt like the air was being sucked out of his lungs. He couldn't breath, he wanted so desperately to run away and hide from the alien experience but hot desire was drawing him in and wanting more. Castiel slipped his hand to rest on Dean's inner thigh, humming at the heat he felt being radiated. He slide his hand down to the back of his knee and back up on the outside of his thigh to rest at his hip. He looked back up at Dean with a questioning look, wondering if what they were doing was okay. He'd never ever kissed somebody until yesterday he was beginning to wonder if this was alright with Dean as well as himself.

Dean threw his head back and moaned loudly. "Fuck!" He exclaimed breathlessly, thrusting up against Castiel desperately. They developed a rhythm after a moment of frantic moving, and it was so good Dean almost forgot how to breathe. Dean slid his hand down Castiel's back and slowly down over his ass, encouraging Castiel to move his hips, grinding down harder against Dean. Dean felt dizzy with desire. He met Castiel's eyes again, staring at him unwaveringly as he deliberately rolled his hips, wanting to see how Castiel would react.

Dean moved his hips eagerly and Castiel's thoughts dissolved, overwhelmed with desire. His hips bucked against Dean's, leaning his head against Dean's as he gasped for air. "D-Dean.." he panted, gripping tightly to his waist. "..I can't.." he moaned as Dean grind against him. "..I can't ruin these.." he said between gasps and moans. He slowed his movements feeling the strain against his pants. He kissed Dean tenderly as his hand wondered low towards Dean's fly, looking up at him for permission to continue, his chest still rising and falling as he struggled to breath.

Dean looked up at Cas and froze. Cas wanted to stop? Had Dean taken things too far? But then he finished his sentence and Dean laughed in relief, eyes widening in excitement. All he could do was nod weakly as Castiel's hand drifted lower, and grip Castiel's hips desperately, trying not to move as Castiel began to unbutton his pants and slowly eased the zipper down. Dean moaned loudly and tried to regulate his breathing, and reached for Castiel's zipper. "Can I…?" he asked breathlessly, looking up at Cas. "God, you're beautiful," he muttered.

Castiel let out a broken breath as he pulled down Dean's pants, his hand slowly moving down his thigh skin on skin. The heat was overwhelming and Cas had to struggle to concentrate when Dean started to undo his zipper. He sucked in a breath and helped removed his pants as he sighed, his erection no longer restrained against his pants. They both lay in their boxers, the covers draped around their waists. Castiel wasn't quite sure he was ready to go any further to actually see Dean fully exposed. He pulled the covers over their hips and resumed their positions, entwined in each other.

Dean growled in frustration and kicked his pants away impatiently, and was relieved when their feet were no longer tangled in their black dress pants, which were now crumpled at the bottom of the bed. It took a lot of willpower for Dean to restrain himself from grinding against Castiel frantically. Instead, he carefully placed his hands on Castiel's waist, never once looking away from his eyes, and guided Castiel more on top of him. Their legs slotted together and Dean's erection pressed against Castiel's hip just right, and he hissed through his teeth in pleasure and desire.

Castiel closed his eyes and let out a throaty moan, throwing his head back as Dean shifted against him. "Dean…" he breathed, gripping onto the others shoulders and bucking his hips causing beautiful friction between them. He hissed in pleasure, biting his lip to try and keep quite feeling embarrassed when he moaned loudly. How Dean could undo him like this. "Oh fuck." he panted. He shifted them slightly for a better angle. Dean on his back with Cas half on top of him and grinding his hips against the others. Watching Dean come apart beneath him doing things to Castiel and making him moan in to the other's neck.

Dean looked up at Castiel, lips parted and panting, as they thrust against each other. The friction was perfect, and Dean whimpered each time they rubbed together. Castiel's hips were really flexible, Dean discovered with interest. Well, he'd already known that after watching him dance, but this was like nothing else. He rolled his hips against Dean's, pressing them together in a way that was hotter than anything Dean had ever experienced, and he could feel the hardness of Castiel's erection against his hip. He placed his hands on Castiel's waist, then slid them down over the curve of Castiel's ass and back up to his hips, then up his sides and down his back again. Dean wanted to touch Castiel everywhere at once, but he only had to hands and a mouth. He pressed his mouth sloppily against Castiel's jaw and nipped at the skin there, then just breathed heavily against him as they rocked back and forth. "Holy fuck, Cas," he groaned.

Castiel groaned against Dean's mouth, pressing into him as the rocked to a steady rhythm. His mind was going blank as he felt himself completely fall apart. He wanted to feel Dean against him, full on skin on skin but could bring himself to ask or even go for it. He wasn't ready to go that far. To be that exposed, plus the fact that he was completely inexperienced. No, this was enough for now. Dean moaning beneath him, he looked so beautiful. "Dean." he panted, grinding against him. His back arching as he felt a wave of arousal flow through him. He could feel him getting close to the edge and his hips move in an unsteady rhythm as he felt himself unravelling.

Dean shuddered and panted, trying to keep up with Castiel's frantic rhythm. He was going to lose it soon. His vision was reduced to Castiel; everything else disappeared. Dean stared up at him in awe, seeing the taught, strained muscles trembling as he pushed down against Dean, his slack jaw, half-closed eyes, skin flushed and glistening with sweat, hair hanging in his eyes and sticking out at odd angles, and his lips parted as he breathed heavily. Dean fisted one hand in Castiel's hair and tugged him down to crash their mouths together desperately. It wasn't so much of a kiss as it was sharing a breath, and Dean moaned into Castiel's mouth before biting down on his lip, every touch sending jolts of hot electricity through his entire body, and it was too much. Dean was almost there. "Cas, I'm gonna—" he gasped out, and was suddenly overcome by his orgasm, shuddering and shaking and moaning in ecstasy.

Castiel moaned into Dean's mouth, clutching at him were he could to keep himself for falling apart. Dean suddenly gasped, throwing his head back and moaning beneath him. He was so beautiful, eyes closed and back arching against him. Watching him, Castiel felt himself cry out in his own ecstasy. He held his head back and his back arched as he cried out in pleasure, his pace slowing before falling against Dean, his face pressed into his neck. His vision went hazy as he concentrated on breathing with out his whole body shaking.

Dean wrapped his arms tightly around Castiel's back as they both came down from their high. One hand strayed to Castiel's hair and he gently ran his fingers through it to soothe Castiel. "Wow," Dean murmured when he could find his voice. "That was amazing. Are you okay?" He pressed his lips softly to Castiel's ear. He could feel the other boy shaking in his arms, and he hoped it was the good kind of shaky. Castiel had completely relaxed against him, leaning all his weight on top of Dean, and it was nice. They were pressed together from head to foot, legs still entwined.

Castiel nodded, not trusting his voice at that moment. He pressed a lazy kiss to Dean's neck to assure he was fine. He managed to shuffle himself so he wasn't completely on top of Dean and resting his head on the pillow. "I've never…" he breathe, wrapping his arms around Dean. "I haven't…" He couldn't stop smiling at what he'd just done and with Dean of all people. He'd always dreamt of doing this with someone he cared about, not just experimenting but he never realised he'd do it with someone as amazing as Dean.

Dean grinned at Castiel's response, and kissed his forehead softly before stroking his slightly sweaty hair back from his face. "You were awesome," Dean told him, thinking about the way those hips ground down perfectly against his. It was only Castiel's first time, after all, so Dean was really impressed. Dean had only slept with girls a few times, he wasn't a total man-whore, but what he'd just done with Castiel outshone any of those previous experiences. He kissed Castiel's cheek tenderly. "We should do that again sometime," Dean suggested with a sly smile.

Castiel let out breath in relief, he was worried Dean was just letting him get on with and hadn't enjoyed it. He knew Dean had done stuff like this before. Well, he didn't but it wasn't much of a leap given the way he expertly touched him. Castiel hummed, pressing his lips to Dean's briefly. "I'd love that." he grinned lazily. He smiled with a timid but sly smile. "Next time I'd like to try it without our boxers."

Dean's eyes widened at Castiel's boldness. He hadn't expected Castiel to say something like that, and it caught him by surprise. But yeah, that sounded really hot. With a slow, suggestive smile, he replied, "That sounds good to me," And pulled Castiel in for a lingering, lazy kiss. "I can think of a few other things I want to try," he teased, and then traced Castiel's lips with his tongue. He yawned and stretched languidly.

Castiel smiled, "I'll look forward to it." Castiel kissed Dean back, humming with content. Castiel mewed, stretching as Dean did before curling up by Dean's side. He rested his head on his chest, tracing his fingers over the twitching muscles. "You're amazing, Dean." he murmured, pressing lazy kisses to his skin.

Dean loved the feel of Castiel's body in his arms, especially feeling him stretch his muscles out and arch his back, body trembling with the effort before he he relaxed and curled up next to Dean and used his chest as a pillow. Dean blushed when Castiel spoke, and he didn't know what to say. "No," he murmured, because he really wasn't. "You are," he replied, because it was true. Castiel was the most amazing, stunning, beautiful person Dean had ever met, he just didn't know how to say it.

Castiel blushed, hiding his face and continued pressing kisses to the other's skin. He couldn't believe he'd met such as amazing person as Dean. He was so sweet and considerate. He didn't pressure Castiel at all, let him set the pace and the result was phenomenal. He found it so hot watching Dean moaning beneath him. He smiled, lying with Dean, completely spent and not wanting to move.

Castiel was tenderly kissing Dean's skin wherever he could reach, and it made Dean smile and feel warm. He squeezed Castiel's body tighter against his, still not quite believing he had fallen this hard for another guy. It was a huge surprise to him, but Dean was happier than he ever had been. "I think I love you," he muttered almost inaudibly into Castiel's hair, and then blushed deeply. That was probably too much. They'd only known each other for about two weeks, and had only had their first kiss last night, and then they'd… had almost-sex? Dean wasn't sure what was happening to him, but for some reason he needed to say it.

Castiel's breath hitched, he looked up at Dean with wide eyes. Did he just…? Castiel smiled fondly, kissing Dean deeply. He trusted him, truly did and Castiel was pretty sure he felt the same way. It had only been a few weeks but they'd been through so much and confided in one another the amount you would tell a good friend in a year, six months at most. "I.." Castiel was speechless and Dean's blushed cheek were adorable, they showed his freckles beautifully. He leaned up and kissed his freckles tenderly. "I.. I think I do too."

Dean's eyes widened and his mouth opened in an emotional smile as Castiel returned the sentiment and softly kissed his cheeks and nose. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's neck and pulled him down so their foreheads were touching. "I don't know what I'm doing," he admitted nervously, not letting go of Cas. "I've never felt this way about anyone before." He wrapped himself around Castiel as much as he could, clinging tightly like an octopus. He never wanted to let go of Cas, ever. He was suddenly scared of losing him.

Castiel was overwhelmed. That he wasn't expecting, he'd have thought Dean had been in love at least once with one of the popular girls maybe. But then a thought occurred to him, Dean had never been himself with anyone else. This was the first time he was being so open and exposed, and as frightened as Castiel was. "It's okay, neither do I." he smiled, assuring Dean he didn't have to always led the way. That Castiel wasn't dependant on his better knowledge and experience on the subject. "We can work it out together, I'm sure." he grinned, the thought making him very happy indeed.

Dean smiled timidly and looked at Castiel, whose face was inches away. He backed up a little so he could see more of him. "You really are beautiful, you know," Dean said seriously, and leaned in to kiss him softly on the lips. "Inside and out." He pressed soft, light kisses all over Castiel's face; over his cheekbones, down the sharp lines of his jaw, the corners of his lips, the tip and bridge of his nose, the plane of his forehead, and over the delicate skin on his eyelids, and finally one more lingering kiss on his lips. "Amazing," he breathed, backing away to look at Castiel's face again. Dean really needed to come up with more adjectives to describe Castiel, because his limited vocabulary was getting a little repetitive.

Castiel blushed, giggling slightly as Dean went over his face with tiny kisses. It reminded him a bit of Amber when she tried to wake him up in the mornings. "Parfait, mon cher. Tout simplement magnifique." Castiel crooned in his best French accent, his voice deep and seductive. He raised a hand to Dean's face, stroking his thumb over his cheek. His eyes flickered over Dean's body, a low hum of approval rattling in his throat. He bit his lip, feeling a bit too forward. With Dean's help he was getting more confident but he couldn't help but blush when he did something out of character.

Translation: Perfect, my dear. Just beautiful.

Dean grinned and shivered when Castiel said something in French that he vaguely understood as "perfect, beautiful" and his voice sounded incredibly sexy. He leaned into the touch on his cheek and grinned when Castiel's eyes roamed over his body. He swore he could feel Castiel's gaze traveling down his body like a touch, and he licked his lips and grinned seductively up at Castiel.

Castiel had to laugh, he could feel his arousal building up again just by Dean looking at him the way he did. Castiel smiled softly as he spoke again. "Je veux danser avec vous comme le soleil se lève. Je veux t'embrasser sous la pluie. Je veux passer une nuit dans tes bras comme nous contempler les étoiles. Je veux te tenir la main et montrer au monde que vous êtes à moi." Castiel wished he could say it in English but then they'd both be reminded by the fact these are just fantasies. There was no way these things would ever happen without getting caught. They were also things he wasn't bold enough to say to Dean's face but wanted to.

Translation: I want to dance with you as the sun comes up. I want to kiss you in the rain. I want to spend a night in your arms as we gaze upon the stars. I want to hold your hand and show the world you are mine.

Dean slid his hands down Castiel's chest and stomach and daringly hooked two fingers in the waistband of Castiel's boxers, but didn't go any further than that. He bit his lip slowly and looked up at Castiel through half-lidded eyes, tilting his head down a little and trying to look sexy. Castiel's smooth, perfect French was really a turn on, even if Dean didn't entirely understand what he was saying. He caught a few words here and there, but he was too distracted by Castiel's body. Dean needed to calm down; it was probably too early for round two.

Castiel smiled. He felt disappointed that Dean didn't know what he was talking about. In a small way he wished Dean knew but at the same time it frightened him. It would make the reality more..real about them actually being a thing. Were they a thing? He wasn't even sure. "Dean.. are we..?" he started but didn't finish not wanting to sound stupid if he was wrong. He hoped Dean knew what he meant.

Dean's eyes snapped back up to Castiel's curiously, and he gently cupped Castiel's face in his hands, thumbs stroking his cheeks softly. He thought he had an idea what Castiel was asking, but Dean wasn't sure if he wanted to label what they had. He had to say something, though, because Cas was asking him to and Dean couldn't disappoint him. He really hoped that Castiel felt the same way he did, and he wasn't uncertain about this. "Are we…. well, I think it's safe to say we're definitely more than friends," Dean said softly with a loving smile.

Castiel nodded, thinking he understood Dean. They weren't ready to be boyfriends but they weren't exactly friends either. That made sense. "Okay." he smiled, kissing Dean lazily as he played with Dean's bottom lip between his. "Parfait" he mumbled with a grin, watching Dean with big eyes. His pupils had toned down a little and his bright blue eyes were returning.

Dean closed his eyes and opened his mouth, letting Castiel take his lower lip between his. "Parfait?" Dean knew what that meant, but he grinned and pretended not to know. "You calling me a yogurt and fruit dessert?" His smile softened when he opened his eyes and saw Castiel's, big and impossibly blue, staring right into his, and Dean was hypnotized. Dean's fingers stroked through Castiel's hair gently, and he said seriously, "If you want to be… you know… in a relationship, I think that'd be really nice." Dean blushed and looked up at Castiel, biting his lip.

Castiel chuckled at Dean's attempt at French. He was pretty sure Dean knew what it meant but it was funny nonetheless. He closed his eyes and hummed as Dean stroke at his hair, caressing it gently. When Dean spoke again he opened his eyes wide and surprised. He let out a small huff, smiling as he did so. "Dean.." He looked down at their chests and his hands scooted down to find Dean's, entwining them with his own and holding them steadily between them. "I think that would be really nice too" he smiled, feeling giddy and excited. His whole body blushing as he let out a small laugh at how surreal this all felt.

Dean smiled excitedly and squeezed Castiel's hands. Castiel was adorable when he blushed; his skin turned a soft pink color, and Dean reached his head up and kissed the tip of Castiel's nose, feeling like his entire body was buzzing with excitement. "Cas…" He cleared his throat slightly and met Castiel's eyes, staring deeply into them. "Cas, will you be my boyfriend?" Stranger words had never been spoken by Dean Winchester. He'd never imagined he'd have a boyfriend, and he had to admit he was a little nervous about what it all meant, but he wanted this more than anything. He looked at Castiel hopefully, as if he'd just proposed marriage.

Castiel bit his lip, chuckling a little. Dean was adorable when he was nervous, with those big green eyes staring back at him. He felt really giddy as a warmth spread through him at Dean's words. He took a breath, watching Dean closely before replying. "Only if you'll be mine." he grinned, teasing Dean a little. Something Castiel even shocked himself with. He was lying in bed, almost naked with Dean Winchester asking him to be his boyfriend. Castiel wasn't sure whether this was God's way for making up for every crummy birthday and christmas he'd ever had but he could not have been happier.

Dean smiled widely, still blushing, and rolled his eyes. "Duh," he said in mock annoyance. "That's kind of the whole point." He grabbed Castiel's face and kissed him hard on the mouth before letting him go and just looking up at him in quiet awe. "I still can't actually believe this is real," he admitted. "Like, I can't believe I can just do stuff like kiss you and touch you and look at you now, it just feels like a dream, you know?" He realized he sounded stupid, and he trailed off lamely, kissing Castiel again to hide his embarrassment.

Castiel nodded, "I know. It feels like a very vivid dream." He grinned, playing with Dean's hand, tracing his finger tips over the creases in his palm. Thankfully it wasn't a dream. It was real. Dean was real. They were real, this was really happening. He couldn't believe it. "I'm glad you tried to make me the laughing stock of the school. I don't know where we'd be if not for that." As much as Castiel hated to admit it, it was that horrible truth of Dean betraying him that got them to where they were know. If it weren't for that they'd never talked to each other and be tested against all odds to find a deeper connection between them that even something as pathetic as a dare couldn't break.

Dean groaned guiltily and shut his eyes. "I'm a horrible person. I can't believe I agreed to do that in the first place." But he could see Castiel's point; if Dean had refused to give in to his friends' dare, then Dean and Castiel never would have met. "But you're right. I can't believe that this happened because of that," he said with a slight laugh, and let his eyes flick over Castiel's face appreciatively. "The original plan was to seduce you and get you to go to prom with me. I didn't think it would actually work…" He carefully traced the shape of Castiel's lips with his finger. "But it did work, just not the way I expected." He smiled softly. "I'm so sorry, Cas. I didn't want to hurt you."

Castiel darted his tongue out as Dean traced his lips, licking the tip of his finger before sucking on it lightly. His eyes never leaving Dean's as a small smile curved his lips around Dean's finger. He moved Dean's hand, entwining their fingers and moving his mouth to Dean's. The kiss was slow but needy and passionate everything Castiel couldn't say put in to his kiss. "You didn't hurt me, Dean." he assured when they broke for air. "You saved me." he breathed, biting his bottom lip as he realised how corny that sounded but it was had been in a bad place for a long time. His brothers, lack of friends, his family and school..everything and everyone made his life a living hell. Even those who didn't talk to him at school. All it would take was a simple 'hello' and it would make Castiel feel like someone actually cared. But no, nothing. Until Dean came along and pulled him out of the dark, he gave him a shoulder to cry on and somebody to love that would love him back and not abuse his trust or manipulate him. He gave him a friend.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean's eyes widened as he watched Castiel's lips close around his finger and suck, and he looked back up at Castiel. The other boy smiled around Dean's finger, and it was so unexpectedly hot that Dean gasped quietly. Then they were kissing again, slowly but deeply, and Dean moaned quietly into Castiel's mouth. When Cas pulled away and spoke, Dean's heart clenched and he realized how ironic the entire situation was. He'd started out intending to use Castiel, the loner that everyone picked on, as the butt of another joke, but then something had happened; they'd let each other in, and they really knew each other now. It was unexpected for both of them, and the whole stupid thing had actually brought them closer together, and now they were lying in bed half-naked, kissing each other endlessly. Dean was still in shock. He'd saved Cas; he now realized that much was true. Castiel's life was miserable, Dean had seen first-hand evidence of that, even though the guy tried to hide it from everyone. He was much happier when he was with Dean. They were both happier, actually, but Dean still didn't think he deserved Castiel's love like this. "Cas, I'm not some hero," Dean said guiltily. His voice was unsteady and wavering. "I've messed up. I'm not perfect, you have to know that." The thing he was most worried about now was letting Castiel down, not living up to his expectations, or disappointing him when Castiel apparently thought so highly of him.

Castiel's smile faltered, his features softened as Dean's words washed over him. Dean didn't think he was good enough, the thought made Castiel want to laugh out loud. "I'm not blind, Dean. I know you're not perfect." he said, wincing at how bad that sounded. "No one is." he added to try and salvage the damage he'd just inflicted. "I want you with your imperfection because that's just what makes you..you. The fact that you messed up and told me the truth..I couldn't have asked for anything more honest and considerate than that. You didn't try to keep it hidden and see where things went, you put yourself on the line. Even risked loosing our friendship if it meant I knew the truth, and that Dean is something that make you better than perfect. It makes you real." Castiel didn't stop staring at Dean the whole time he talked. He wanted him to understand that he thought the world of him, no matter how imperfect he was.

Dean looked up at Cas sadly. "Jesus. I'm so sorry I put you through all of that crap, Cas." He felt like he was dangerously close to tears, and blinked a few times to try to dry his eyes, but didn't turn his gaze away from Cas. He stroked an unruly strand of hair back away from Castiel's forehead, and then trailed his fingers lightly over his face, memorizing his bone structure and the feeling of his skin. Suddenly overwhelmed with emotion and realization, Dean muttered, "Fuck, I really do love you." And he kissed Castiel fiercely then, pulling him down on top of him and just kissing his mouth deeply and desperately, possibly a little too harsh.

Castiel yelped a little as Dean pulled him down, kissing him hard. It took Castiel a little by surprise, he was still getting over the fact that Dean had just said he loved him, properly. He soon melted into Dean's touch, whimpering slightly as he adjusted himself so he was on top of Dean comfortably. He had admitted he to thinking he loved Dean but he wasn't ready to admit that he was actually in love with him. He kept that to himself for now. He waned to hold onto something for now and not feel like he was giving Dean everything because a part of him was afraid this wasn't real and as soon as he says those three words it'll all be over.

Dean expected Castiel to shove him away and just leave, but instead he just accepted it. Dean placed his hands softly on either side of Castiel's face, not really holding him, just soft touches, and stroked his thumbs over his cheeks as he softened the kiss, making it slow and gentle rather than hard and forceful. He didn't want Castiel to feel trapped. After another moment of tasting Castiel's mouth, Dean broke the kiss and instead leaned his forehead against Castiel's and closed his eyes. Castiel still didn't say anything, and Dean began to get nervous that Cas didn't feel the same way. Dean's fingers trailed absently along the other's face and neck, occasionally wandering up to run through his hair. Their bodies fit perfectly together like this, and Dean was suddenly afraid of what would happen to him if Castiel changed his mind and decided they shouldn't see each other anymore. Dean was selfish; he wanted Cas all to himself, and the thought of losing him made Dean's chest clench up, and he wrapped his arms around Cas possessively.

Castiel whimpered at the loss of Dean's lips but closed his eyes as Dean's hands roamed over his body before holding him with a possessive edge that Castiel found himself liking. Dean wanted him, that much was clear and if only Castiel could let Dean know he felt the same but he couldn't bring himself to say it. He closed his eyes and his mother tongue dissolved as he tried to speak. Instead his French rolled out smoothly against his lips, in a confidence Castiel couldn't possess as himself. "Et je vous." he crooned, feeling his eyelashes dampen as a tear rolled down his cheek. His managed to stop any more from falling as he kissed Dean softly.

Dean opened his eyes and looked up at Castiel when he murmured something in French that Dean didn't quite catch. He thought Castiel had said 'And I' but he wasn't sure, and if he did Dean had no idea what he meant by that. Was it an unfinished sentence, or just a phrase? Castiel's eyes were closed, and a tear escape them and fell onto Dean's face. Dean felt tears of his own rising up and Castiel kissed him slowly. Dean kissed him back, closing his eyes and just savoring the feel of Castiel against him, the warmth and life of his body, the taste of his lips and the smell of his skin. When the kiss ended, Dean looked up at Cas and wiped his tears away with the pad of his thumb. "And you… what?" Dean whispered tentatively.

Castiel bit his lip, he didn't want to say it. He couldn't, then everything would fall to pieces. He would be giving himself to Dean and he would tell him this was all a dream and he would wake up sad and alone and he didn't want that. His breathing was coming in light and fast. He could hear his heart pounding against his chest so much that it made his ears throb. Time had felt like it had stopped and before Castiel couldn't help himself, the translation was slipping past his lips in a breathless voice. "And I you."

Dean smiled up at Castiel, feeling both overjoyed and undeservingly guilty at the same time. He could feel Castiel's heart beating, and his breath had sped up nervously. It clearly wasn't easy for Castiel to say something like that. It wasn't easy for Dean to admit it either, and he hadn't really meant to tell Castiel he loved him, it just kind of slipped out, but he knew they both had trust issues so it wasn't easy for either of them. They were holding each other tightly, Dean realized, as if they were scared of the other changing their mind and leaving. Dean stared into Castiel's eyes. "I'm here, Cas. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere." He leaned up to press a gentle kiss to the corner of Castiel's mouth.

Castiel smiled softly, feeling himself choke out a breath when he tried to talk but his mouth had gone dry and he felt like curling in on himself. But something stopped him, Dean reassured him and was holding him tightly. It was odd to feel someone hold you through something as hard as this but it was nice. Castiel was grateful for it. He held onto Dean tightly, kissing him where he could in a desperate need to connect with him.

Dean whimpered quietly as Castiel held him tightly and kissed him, and Dean knotted his fingers in Castiel's hair and kissed him back just as desperately. His throat was tight and thick with emotion, and Dean felt overwhelmed by everything that was happening. He couldn't breathe. All he could do was cling to Castiel and not let go. Dean knew that this was the most important thing he'd ever done, and he was determined to make this work for both of them. Traditionally, Dean wasn't really great at relationships; his girlfriends had been a kind of on-off thing, and he was mostly involved with them for the physical benefits. This thing with Castiel was so much more than that, so much more than a _thing, _and Dean was still in amazement. He was going to make this good. He and Castiel both needed something good in their lives, and they'd found it in each other.

Castiel groaned as the light hit his eyes, the sun now coming round to fully illuminate the room. It reminded Castiel that time was moving on and he'd have to be home soon before his family got suspicious, there was only so long his mother could stall them from going up to his room. He didn't want to have to get her into trouble with his father, the man had quite a temper on him and he wouldn't want his mother to be on the receiving end of that, especially if it was his fault. Castiel kissed Dean paassionately before moving away entirely. "I have to go." he said reluctantly between kisses. His arms wrapped around Dean tightly, with no actual intent on moving.

"Yeah," Dean agreed reluctantly, not letting go of Castiel just yet. It was only morning, and Dean was already emotionally exhausted. He kissed Castiel quickly several times before sitting them up, still keeping his arms around Cas and kissing him again. He started to stand up, but couldn't tear himself away from Castiel, so he ended up in an awkward half-standing position, leaning over the bed and kissing Castiel again and again. He didn't want to be away from him for a second. They were both only wearing their sticky boxers, and Dean blindly groped around under the sheets for their pants, which had been discarded in their earlier makeout session. He didn't want to stop kissing Cas. He guessed it was kind of like stocking up on kisses, so Dean would survive until the next time they could do this. Dean giggled quietly at his own neediness, and realized he must look like a total idiot, standing there in his come-stained boxers leaning over awkwardly and kissing Castiel like it was the only thing keeping him alive.

Castiel couldn't help but laugh at Dean's eagerness not wanting to part from Castiel for a second. Castiel made things easier and sat up and then stood out of the bed and next to Dean. His arms still wrapped securely around his neck. "This isn't really helping." he giggled, blushing as he realized he was pressed against Dean just in his boxers. That's what they'd been doing anyway but now it just felt odd. To be able to see them from head to toe without the covers. He smiled shyly and found their pants, handing Dean's to him with another kiss before putting on his own pants. Once Castiel's pants were on he walked back over to Dean, kissing him deeply. He could already feel Dean slipping away, he'd have to leave soon and he didn't want that to happen. He was afraid he'd never get to see him like this again.

Dean smiled and kissed Castiel again, placing his hands on Castiel's waist, loving the fact that he could just do things like that now. He didn't think he'd ever want to stop touching Castiel after this. He watched unashamedly as Castiel turned around and got their pants off the bed. He couldn't take his eyes off Castiel's body. He was beautiful in the moonlight last night, and he was just as beautiful in the morning sunlight. Seeing his body in the light made everything seem more real, and he remembered how he'd kissed that skin, how he'd touched that body and ran his hands over the firm muscles, felt goosebumps rising as Castiel shivered under his touch, and Dean was already looking forward to the next time they got to do this. When Castiel handed Dean his pants, Dean ignored them and just kissed Castiel again, sliding his hands up Castiel's stomach and onto his shoulders. "Today's Sunday," Dean murmured against his lips, "Do you think you'll be able to sneak out anytime this week?" He knew he sounded desperate and needy, but he couldn't hide his eagerness.

Castiel whimpered against Dean's mouth, clutching at the other's shoulders desperately. "Not until Friday." he said sadly. "I can't risk getting caught." Although it sounded like months away, Castiel would rather wait than messing up and possibly never being able to see Dean again. He kissed him hard in apology, knowing the wait would definitely be worth it. He backed away just enough to find his shirt and put it on, buttoning it up as he remembered the night before when he took it off. Opening himself up to Dean and showing him his scars, his weakness and Dean still accepted him. Only half his buttons were done up as his lips were back on Dean's, desperate and clingy and needing him to stay.

Dean groaned in disappointment. This was going to be the longest week of his life. He understood why, though; the last thing he wanted was Castiel getting caught and then they'd never be able to see each other again, and he didn't want to think of what Castiel's punishment would be if his family found out what he was doing. Castiel started putting his shirt on, hiding his skin away, and all Dean wanted to do was tear it off him again. Castiel was in front of him again now, and their lips locked in another rushed, passionate kiss. Dean fisted his hands in either side of Castiel's shirt and used it to tug him closer until their chests bumped together again, and moaned into his mouth. "You're like a drug," he gasped, and leaned right in for another kiss. He realized how lame and cheesy that sounded, but he couldn't think of any other explanation.

Castiel blushed and it took all of his energy to back away from Dean. "You're not helping" he giggled. If they carried on like this there was no way they were going to be leaving here in the next ten minutes. The temptation was already killing him to just push Dean back on the bed and straddle him until he was coming undone again. The thought made him blush deeply and he made quick work of the rest of his buttons. He found his bow-tie and shoved it in his pocket, not bothering to even try and put it on. Dean would just use it as an excuse to kiss him again and that would certainly make Castiel think twice about leaving. He kept his distance a little, so Dean could change without distraction and just watched him. His eyes lingering over his body, humming in approval.

Dean smirked at Cas as he slipped on his pants and buttoned his shirt slower than necessary, with exaggerated movements of his hips and shoulders. Castiel was staring, and it was only fair to give him a little show, Dean decided with amusement. He left the top two buttons undone and draped the tie loosely around his neck and slipped his jacket on over his wrinkled shirt. With the way Castiel was watching him, Dean made a mental note to do a little striptease next time they had a night together. The thought made him blush slightly; Dean had never imagined himself doing something like a striptease, but when he thought of what if would feel like to do it in front of Castiel his heartbeat sped up a little.

Castiel found his jacket and put it on, grimacing at how wrinkled and crap he looked. Dean, although looked sleepy with his messed up hair and clothes and was beginning to wonder if Dean was magical and had the power to look so attractive in the mornings..and well, always. Castiel smiled and bit his lip, looking around the room one last time, keeping it to memory. "Shall we go?" he asked reluctantly, not wanting to be anywhere else right now that cuddled up with Dean in that bed.

Dean nodded slowly and walked over to the bed they'd slept in, straightening the covers up so it would be ready for next time, and even the thought that there was going to be a next time was exciting to Dean. He turned back around and walked up to Cas, kissing him quickly on the mouth before backing away a little and looking Castiel up and down. "Yeah, I guess we should get going," He said with a sigh, glancing longingly at the bed. He ran his fingers through Castiel's hair and tried to make it look like he hadn't just been making out with someone, and straightened his jacket, trying to smooth out the wrinkles in the collar of his shirt, but it didn't work and Dean winced. "If your family sees you like this, they're gonna know…" he trailed off nervously. "How are you going to get back in your house without anyone noticing?"

Castiel smiled faintly, "I locked my bedroom door. They think I'm sleeping or won't even care. I'll just slip in through the window it'll be okay." he assured hoping that his words were true and that his brothers hadn't kicked the door done and were on a hunter for him. He kissed Dean slowly and passionately before heading out to the car, not turning back in risk of completely falling apart and jumping into Dean's arms and kissing him wildly. The thought made him blush as he hissed as the sunlight hit his eyes as he made it outside.

Dean grinned like an idiot when Castiel turned away after kissing him. It seemed like the excitement of kissing Castiel wasn't going to wear off anytime soon, especially since every time they touched Dean felt sparks. He followed Castiel outside and locked the door to the cabin behind him, hiding the key under the mat before he went over to the car and they both got in. Dean started the engine and accidentally glanced at the back seat, which was a cliche but awesome place for making out, and then he blushed and started driving away.

Castiel got in the car but kept away from Dean, putting space between them. His mind was set and he had to focus on other things to stop him from jumping over Dean and touching him. He couldn't get caught. It was too risky, Dean would understand. He hummed silently, grinning to himself when he remembered he'd forgotten his guitar. At least this way he had an excuse to come back. Even though he was sure Dean would let him come back anyway.

Dean glanced over at Cas, unable to keep the idiotic smile off his face. He had to force himself to concentrate on the road so he didn't crash his dad's car, because that was the last thing he needed right now. The rest of the ride passed in silence, but it wasn't exactly awkward. They reached Castiel's street, and Dean pulled over a few houses away from Castiel's. He put the car in park and turned to Castiel uncertainly. "I think it'd be safer if I dropped you off here… just in case someone in your house recognized me." He glanced around, but there were no people outside, so he leaned closer and whispered, "Also, it means I can do this." He kissed Castiel softly on the lips and backed away with a promising smile.

"Good idea." Castiel nodded and then gasped as Dean kissed him. He blushed and looked around but he couldn't see anyone. "It pains me to say this but please don't do that again." he sounded hurt by his own command not to be able to kiss Dean but they were in public and he couldn't help but feel like someone was watching. He squeezed Dean's hand lightly. "See you at school." he said with a small smile and left the car and walked up to his house, quickly climbing up and in through the window.

Dean moved back further and gave Castiel an apologetic look. "See you," He said quietly, returning Castiel's small smile. He hated the fact that they would only be able to kiss in private. It was going to drive Dean crazy, but there was nothing he could do about it at the moment. He sighed sadly as Castiel walked away quickly and climbed into his window like Spiderman. This wasn't going to be an easy relationship. They were going to have to hide and be secretive and carefully plan everything, and Dean didn't want them to have to do that. He waited until Castiel was inside before he drove away to his own house.

Castiel sighed when got inside, everything seemed to be how he left it and the lock was still across the door. He quickly got changed out of his suit and put on some old clothes before unlocking the door and heading for the shower. His mom had left a note saying dad was out of town and everyone was still out from the night before so Castiel had some time to himself to figure out his alibi for the night and what he was going to do when he saw Dean on Monday.

When Dean arrived at his house, he walked inside and found Sam sitting at the kitchen table eating eggs and toast with a tall glass of orange juice, and it made Dean's stomach rumble. "Hey," he greeted absently, pouring himself a glass of juice. "Is Dad here?" Sam shook his head, and Dean breathed a silent sigh of relief. John would probably ask him about how prom was and Dean needed some time to make up some things to tell about the prom he didn't go to with the girl he didn't ask out. Sam took one look at Dean and then rolled his eyes. "You got laid, didn't you?" he stated in exasperation, and Dean choked on his juice. "No." he glared defensively, and walked out of the room to head upstairs, feeling Sam's knowing expression on the back of his head all the way. When he reached the bathroom„ he slipped out of his wrinkled tux and sticky, gross boxers and took a long, hot shower. .

Castiel came out of the shower, feeling fresh and content. The mark on his neck darker after being exposed to the hot water. Thankfully it was low enough to hide under his top. He wasn't sure what would happen if his brothers ever found it. He decided to spend today finishing his large scaled picture of a fallen angel for art class. Amber occasionally rubbing against his arm for attention as she watched him paint. Most of the body was made up but he couldn't help but see the frame of Dean's lean body within the picture from when he'd used him as a template.

The rest of Dean's day was pretty uneventful. His dad came home from the hardware store with some more supplies to fix the Impala, and Dean helped him out with that while Sam studied for a test. John asked Dean the usual questions he asked after any sort of date; Was it fun? Did Lisa have a good time? How was the party afterwards? You acted mature, right? And other basic questions. Dean made up answers to all of them, creating a story about how he and Lisa had gone to a fancy restaurant before going to prom, and he'd paid for her meal, of course, and they went to the dance, had fun and hung out, and then went to one of the rich kid's house party, spent the night, and drove home in the morning. Dean didn't like lying, and he was afraid his dad was going to be able to see right through him, but John actually didn't seem all that interested. He was only asking the questions to be polite and play the part of a good father, but for once Dean was grateful for his lack of interest. They got distracted with the car for the rest of the day, and when evening came it was a lot better than it had been in the morning. Dean showered and scrubbed all the oil stains off, then went up to his room and shut the door, locking it discreetly, and texted Castiel, "how was ur day? everything ok with the fam?"

Castiel spent the rest of the day painting. He heard his brothers come in around three but they didn't say anything or even check if he was still in the house. They just went straight to bed. Probably stayed up all night at some party, not that Castiel really cared but he was glad to have the peace until at least tomorrow. Around eight, he'd finished his painting and sighed with relief. He stood up and stretched out his aching muscels from spending too long in one position. He thought about Dean massaging him and the thought alone made his limbs feel less tense. His phone vibrated against the bedside table, causing Amber to go wide-eyed and freak out at the alien noise disturbing the silent room. Castiel picked up the phone and smiled. "Haven't spoken with any of them yet. Not bad, I managed to finish this. How about you? [Photo attached]" he texted, lying down on his bed with Amber curling up beside him.

Dean smiled when he got a reply only a moment later, and flopped back on his bed to read it. Of course Castiel would use perfect grammar and spelling in text messages. It made Dean laugh a little, and he sighed happily. There was a slightly blurry picture of Castiel's finished painting, and Dean squinted at it in amazement before replying. "GOD. that is amazing cas! whoa. well i hope everything goes well with ur family. things are pretty cool around here. not much happenin. wish u were with me" He pressed send and pocketed his phone before going downstairs to grab some food to take up to his room. He found a bag of chips and some soda, and brought them back upstairs to have a lonely feast. When he got back into his room he closed the door and sat on the floor leaning against his bed and shoved a handful of chips into his mouth.

Castiel smiled when he felt his phone buzz against his thigh, he pulled out his phone and looked at the message. "I had a lot of inspiration, took me a while to paint the torso without drooling over it. That's good news. I wish you for that too. I've been thinking and looking over the dates. Everyone is going to visit Lucifer on Wednesday. Would it be possible for you to come over?" Castiel sent the text and bit his lip nervously, anxiously waiting for Dean's reply.

Dean blushed and grinned when he read the text. "hahahah oh cas im flattered. and wednesday would be great! i'll tell my dad i have a study date, he'll be so proud of me lol. im just confused why u dont have to visit lucifer too, i mean hes family right? will ur parents mind if u dont go?" He sent the message, excited at the idea of seeing Castiel sooner than he'd expected, but a little nervous that it wasn't going to work out. He didn't want Cas to get in trouble.

Castiel bit his lip, tapping his fingers against the side of the phone before deciding to tell Dean. At least this way he wouldn't have to tell him face to face. "Lucifer is in jail..because of me. Well, sort of. It's complicated but the bottom line is neither myself or Michael are inclined to speak with him. So, I have a free house for an afternoon. Perhaps I will teach you some French just to make your alibi more reliable."

Dean's eyes widened when he read the text. "cas wtf? hes ur brother right? what happened?" He just sent that, realizing the second part of Castiel's message was trying to change the subject. But right after Dean hit send, he felt bad and typed out another quick message. "sorry, u dont have to tell me if u dont want. but wednesday sounds great! and yeah, i'd love to learn more french ;)" he smirked slightly as he typed that sentence, thinking in innuendos and specifically about French kissing, but he was still really concerned about why this Lucifer was in jail because of Cas.

Castiel swallowed when the first text came through. It wasn't something anyone really talked about. His family would all get in the car and go see Lucifer every last Wednesday of the month. They didn't talk about why Lucifer was there or even voice an opinion on the matter. They would just treat it like a family dinner, just one of those things. He typed out a message in reply. "He tried to kill me. Michael intervened before he could proceed." He was about to hit send when his phone buzzed again and the second part made him smile and feel a bit better. He added to the text "I'll look forward to it, mon cher." and then pressed send.

Dean anxiously waited for Castiel's reply, tossing his phone back and forth in his hands, his food lying forgotten on the floor. When it came, he hastily read it and his jaw dropped. "WHAT THE HELL?/?/?" And hit send without thinking. He stood up and paced around his room a few times, tempted to hit call and actually talk to Castiel, but he didn't know if that would be a good idea. Dean had only heard him mention Lucifer once, and Dean assumed he was in college or lived somewhere else or something, not in jail for attempting to murder his little brother! Dean couldn't understand why Lucifer would try to kill Castiel, but whoever this Michael was, Dean thought he seemed like a pretty good guy for preventing it from happening.

Castiel actually winced as the text came through. He could hear Dean shouting at him through the text and it hurt him. He took a deep breath before even attempting to answer that. He stared at the blank screen but nothing came. How was he supposed to reply to that? This was complicated and bless Dean for caring but he didn't want to have to burden Dean with this. He didn't want to put a strain on their already fragile relationship. They were a mess and he didn't want Dean to look at him and think about what Lucifer tried to do. He just wanted to forget about it. "Dean, please calm down. It's over. Forget about it." he pressed send and sighed heavily, stroking Amber to try and calm himself down.

Dean got the message a moment later, and he instantly felt bad about his little outburst. "cas im sorry. r u ok? do u wanna talk? i understand if u dont but u can call me if u want. we dont even have to talk about what happened, we can just chat it u want. i'll be here. 3" He added a little heart at the end of the message after some thought, even though it made him feel like a total girl, but he wanted to show Castiel he cared and was worried, and that was kind of limited through text messages. He hoped Castiel would take up his offer to talk, because he needed to make sure Cas was okay. That was a pretty big deal; Castiel had almost been murdered by his older brother. Dean understood if Cas wanted to keep it private, because it was a family matter, but he couldn't ignore the worry and pain in his chest at the thought of Cas being scared.

Castiel bit his lip and his heart melted at how nice Dean was being. He really worried and Castiel was pretty sure Dean was as scared as he was when he first processed the information that his brother wanting him dead. The little heart at the end twisted his arm and made him call Dean. The phone rang and Castiel sat up, drumming his fingers against the side of his knee patiently. Finally the phone stopped ringing to say Dean had picked up. "Dean, I'm fine." he said straight away wanting to assure the other he wasn't alone and crying in a corner somewhere like he normally was.

Dean stared at his phone intensely and he was startled when it started ringing. He fumbled with it and pushed answer and brought the phone to his ear, about to say something, but Cas spoke first. Dean breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed onto his bed when he heard Castiel's voice. He didn't sound like he was crying or upset, which was a huge relief. "I'm sorry I freaked out, but seriously, Cas. You can't just tell me something like that and expect me to _not _freak out!" He paused and swallowed, closing his eyes. "You sure you're okay?"

Castiel frowned, but relieved to hear the sound of Dean's voice. Amber, being a little miffed with Castiel moving, came and sat in his lap. Castiel stroked her absently as he talked to Dean. "I'm sorry but you did ask, I didn't mean to upset you." Castiel sighed, closing his eyes briefly before opening them again. "I've been dealing with it a while. Honestly, I'm fine." he assured, keeping his voice low and calm to prove this. "I just wanted to hear your voice before I went to bed."

Dean exhaled slowly into the phone, relaxing into the mattress. He smiled softly, wishing he could kiss Castiel right now. It was frustrating not having him right there. "Good. That's…. I'm glad you're okay," he said quietly. "Sorry." He swallowed. "You want to hear my voice? What, are you asking me to sing to you?" Dean said affectionately, with a small note of teasing. He hoped Castiel picked up on it, but he wasn't sure, so he timidly added, "I can, if you want…"

Castiel's lips twitched upwards, a small smile tracing his lips. "I'd like that." he said, his voice a little softer than usual. He was taken back by the gesture, it was sweet and something somebody hadn't done for Castiel in a long time. To calm him down and sing him to sleep. Castiel moved Amber who was a bit annoyed having just settled but was happy to curl back up against Castiel once he'd moved to lie back down on the bed with his eyes closed.

Dean blushed a little bit and went to lie down on his bed. He took a deep breath and started singing "Simple Man", which was the first song they'd ever sung together. He sang softly, a little nervous at first, but as the song progressed he got more into it and sang confidently, but not too loud. The only time he sang someone to sleep was when Sammy was little, right after their mom had died and Sam wouldn't stop asking questions.

Castiel kept his eyes closed, letting Dean's voice wash over him. It was more beautiful than he remembered without the noise of his own voice, the guitar and the background noises. It was just Dean and he sounded amazing. Castiel listened and found himself drifting asleep as the song went on. Letting Dean lull him to sleep, he felt safe listening to Dean's voice. All his troubles seemed to disappear and he ended up with the phone by his side and himself fast asleep, curled up with Amber.

Dean finished the song and listened to the phone. He could hear Castiel breathing softly. "Cas?" he whispered, "Are you awake?" But there was no answer, only the steady sound of Castiel breathing. He was asleep. Dean smiled and whispered, "Goodnight, angel, I love you." And quietly ended the call. He set his phone down on his bedside table and laid back on his bed, going to sleep with a small smile on his face.

Castiel awoke the next morning feeling warm and comfortable, it may not have felt the same after waking up with Dean. He definitely felt like something was missing but he couldn't help but feel good after Dean sung him to sleep. He felt bad when he realized he hadn't said goodnight and wondered how long Dean had waited before realizing that fact. He got up and showered, changed, picked up his painting and rolled it up into a tube and headed out for school. Skipping breakfast and not waiting for his brothers. He was at school early and managed to sort out his art work in peace. If he'd walked to school with his brothers they were bound to rip it or mock him about it.

Dean woke up to his alarm just like any other Monday, but for once he wasn't dreading going to school. He was looking forward to seeing Cas, his boyfriend, and Dean smiled at the thought even though they had to keep it a secret. He showered, brushed his teeth and threw on some clothes and went downstairs. "Dad, can I borrow your car to drive me and Sam to school?" His dad nodded absentmindedly as he read the paper, and Dean grabbed Sam by the arm and dragged him outside. "Thanks!" Dean called as he closed the door. "Dean, I wasn't done with my cereal!" Sam complained, but Dean ignored him and started the car, driving away quickly. Sam was looking at him strangely, but Dean pretended not to notice. "Dean, are you okay?" his brother asked, frowning in concern, and Dean grinned. "I'm awesome." he replied, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and humming tunelessly. Sam didn't ask anymore questions on the way to school, and Dean tried to calm himself down a little, but he couldn't stop smiling. When they got to school, Sam went off to see his friends and Dean texted Cas. "r u at school yet?"

Castiel was still in the art room when his phone vibrated, causing him to almost knock over his paints. He pulled out his phone and smiled, looks like he wasn't the only one eager to get to school. "Art room." he replied, keeping it short and sweet mainly because he had paint all over his hands. He was re-painting over some bits of his fallen angel picture because the light was better in the art room and he could see where he'd made mistakes. They were tiny and no one would notice but him, but it still frustrated him. Monday was always a complete day of art and Castiel had decided to start early before school. His old hoodie already had paint around the sleeves and hem and he had a mark of red across his nose and cheek from where he'd wiped his hand over his face and hadn't realized.

"be right there" Dean replied quickly and headed to the art room. He'd only been in there a few times, because he'd never taken art before, and when he got there it was empty except for Cas. He grinned and walked slowly over to his boyfriend, casting his gaze around the room casually. There was some pretty awesome artwork in here, and he wondered if any of it was Castiel's. When they were standing face to face, Dean met his eyes and smiled stupidly. "Hi," he said lamely. Wow, he was just awesome at this.

Castiel bit his lip, his gaze darting towards Dean's lips briefly before looking back up into his eyes. This was going to be harder than he thought. "Hi" he replied just as lamely. He turned around quickly grabbing a bit of cloth and wiping his paint covered hands on it. Mainly for something to do, to distract him from urges of pulling Dean down into a searing kiss. "I, uh, I'm sorry about falling asleep. It was really rude of me." Castiel said, feeling his cheeks burn the same colour as the paint smeared across them.

Dean glanced around to make sure nobody was there before taking the cloth out of Castiel's hands and gently wiping the paint smear off Castiel's face and rolling his eyes. "That was kind of the whole point, Cas." He couldn't believe Castiel was apologizing for going to sleep when Dean had been trying to sing him asleep in the first place. Biting his lip, he leaned a little closer and wiped a stubborn smudge of red paint of Castiel's cheek with his thumb, letting his hand linger longer than necessary before pulling away. All he wanted to do was kiss him, but he didn't think that would be a good idea in school. He'd have to think of a safe way to do it first.

Castiel bit his lip, Dean was so close. It took all his strength not to just reach out and kiss him. Dean. His boyfriend. Wow, that was a weird feeling. This beautiful boy in front of him was his. Just his. He couldn't believe it. It was like a very vivid dream that could collapse at any moment. He had to turn away to stop himself from kissing Dean or touching him. If someone found paint on a boy that didn't take art, that would certainly draw up unneeded questions. He set up one of the boxes instead, adjusting it to an angle for Castiel to be able to draw on. He finally turned back around to Dean and took the cloth from his hand, his fingertips brushing against Dean's and it sent electricity surging through his body. This wasn't going t be easy.

Dean sighed in frustration. Why did this have to be a secret? Why couldn't he just grab Cas and kiss him right here and now? He knew that there wasn't a choice. He had to try his best to keep their relationship hidden, because if anyone found out it would all fall apart. Dean didn't even want to think what would happen if people discovered they were more than friends. So instead he pulled up a stool and sat down a few feet away from Cas to give him room to paint. He looked at the painting Cas was working on; it was the fallen angel that he'd modeled after Dean's body. "That's amazing," he breathed. Up close, he could see all the details that had gone into making it, and Cas was clearly very talented with art. The colors were beautiful, and the details of the wings were so lifelike.

Castiel blushed, he was never feel good with compliments about his work but that was mainly because he never let anyone see it. The angel was lying on the floor like Dean had been and his singed wings curled around him, the feathers burnt as smoke filled the dark sky above him. The only source of light from a street lamp that lit him dimly but with his angelic glow gave the painting a slight edge. Castiel loved drawing angels and he had to say this was his favourite yet. Maybe it was because it had a bit of Dean in it, he wasn't sure. An idea soon popped into his head. "Dean…" he started, turning his head to look at his boyfriend. "Would you mind..I wanted to do a series with angels and I was wondering if..maybe you'd.." he trailed off feeling embarrassed. It was silly to ask that of Dean. "..nevermind." he muttered, returning to his painting before making himself look more like an ass.

Dean looked at Cas questioningly, but he trailed off and blushed awkwardly. Dean leaned forward and smiled encouragingly. "Cas, what?" He asked. "You want me to model or something? That'd be cool," At least he hoped that's what Cas was going to say. Dean was a little excited at the thought of Castiel painting him again. He imagined the scene from Titanic, and blushed a little bit. "Paint me like one of your French girls?" He asked shyly, not using his Kate Winslet voice, the hidden message clear in his voice as he looked at Cas a little suggestively.

Castiel smiled but hid his face from Dean still a little embarrassed. He looked up at Dean with an excited grin. He blushed deeply as he took a step towards Dean, their faces inches apart. "I'll do more than paint you." he whispered in a low and -hopefully- seductive voice. He backed away just slightly, teasing Dean but ended up annoying himself in the process. Now all he wanted to do was kiss Dean and hard.

Dean's eyes widened in surprise and he shivered. Damn, Castiel's sexy voice was doing things to him. He stared down at Castiel's mouth and licked his lips, wanting nothing more than to kiss him and touch his body. He leaned a little closer and tentatively put a hand on Castiel's waist, hooking a finger in his belt loop and tugging him a little closer. Dean knew it was risky, but nobody was watching, and they were in the back corner of the art room out of sight of the door. "Like what?" He asked breathlessly, wanting to hear what exactly Cas wanted to do to him.

Castiel gasped softly when Dean tugged him closer but didn't pull away. He could feel his heart beating wildly. He'd never done dirty talk before and was beginning to regret bringing it up. He didn't want to kill the mood and disappoint Dean by coming up with something that wasn't sexy. He nibbled on his bottom lip before answering in a low whisper, "For every conture my brush paints to canvas..I will do the same with my tongue to your skin." He blushed realizing how dumb that sounded, he should have said it in French. Dean would have found it more appealing even if he didn't understand what he was saying.

Dean gasped and grinned when he imagined how that would feel. His pants suddenly felt a little too tight. "That sounds…. God, Cas," he whimpered. He pictured Castiel licking his skin, tracing the contours of his body with his mouth, and shuddered. He needed to get himself under control, because if he got a boner every time he so much as looked at Cas he was going to have a serious problem. They were so close now, and Dean leaned forward just a little more, just enough so they were breathing the same air and their noses almost touched. His hand accidentally wandered under Castiel's shirt and his fingers strayed to his skin. They seriously needed to stop, they couldn't do this in school. "Stop me," he whispered, "Because if you don't I won't be able to stop myself."

Castiel had to bit his lip to stop from moaning when Dean touched him. Images from the night before flashed through his eyes and he had to stand back from Dean before he begged him to take him there and then. He didn't look at Dean, he returned to his painting and tried to busy his hands and mind with something that wasn't Dean. How he was going to wait until Wednesday was beyond him. His breathing was still wavering from being so close to Dean. Thankfully the bell rang and that gave them both an excuse not to do anything stupid. He looked back at Dean wanting nothing more than to kiss him right now. He gave him a small smile and said, "See you at lunch?"

Dean stood up quickly and grabbed Castiel's shirt in both fists, tugging him around until they were standing behind the painting, looked into his eyes for a moment, and then hauled him close and crashed their lips together for a quick, rough kiss. He moaned quietly at the feeling of Castiel's lips against his; it was like oxygen to a drowning man. "I'll meet you by the tree." He ran his hand down Castiel's chest, then backed away with a smile and jogged out of the art room, not looking back because he didn't want Cas to see the embarrassingly idiotic smile he had on his face. He was trying to play it cool. Once he was out in the hallway, he tried to get his face under control, but he couldn't stop grinning. A few people gave him odd looks because he was walking down the hall alone on a Monday with a smile on his face, but he didn't care. He was happier than he'd been in years.

Castiel stood there bewildered for a moment before running a hand over his face -smudging paint on it in the process- and smiling to himself. When the other students started coming in they weren't surprised to Castiel tucked away in the corner already hard at work but what did surprise them was the massive smile on his face. It was something irregular for them to see Castiel so happy but they smiled at him, and not the usual sympathetic one but a genuine smile that made Castiel smile widened. He returned to his painting and before long the bell rang for lunch. Castiel took off his hoodie, cleaned his hands and headed for the tree. He didn't like not wearing sleeves but his hoodie was covered in paint and he couldn't risk getting any on Dean so now he wore a simple black t-shirt that hugged his frame and made Castiel feel insecure when people gave him curious looks in the hallway. He made it out to the tree to find Dean already there he gave him a big smile and had to resist the urge to run up and hug him.

Dean smiled when he saw Castiel approaching. He looked really good in that black tee shirt he was wearing, and it was odd to see him wearing something short-sleeved when he usually wore a hoodie or a long-sleeved shirt. He studied Cas as he walked up to him. The guy had really changed a lot in a few weeks. He looked so much happier and more confident than he ever had, and Dean realized with amazement that he was the reason for that. Dean was laying on his side underneath the tree, propped up on one elbow and eating an apple. "Hey," he said with a wide smile. "You look good." Dean told him, meaning both physically and emotionally. Cas looked so happy that it made Dean's heart flutter. And the shirt showed off his lean but muscled arms and stretched across his shoulders and chest.

Castiel blushed and came and sat cross legged in front of Dean. "Everyone keeps staring at me." he commented. "It feels weird." Castiel kept tugging at the sleeves, making sure his scars were hidden. The sleeve covered them up no problem it was just Castiel feeling a bit exposed without his arms being covered so it became a habit of his to tug at short sleeves from time to time. He smiled when he let his eyes linger of Dean's body a little longer than they should have. If Dean kept sitting like that he was pretty sure his pants were going to grow tighter. He tried to ignore it and focused on his hands instead.

"Can you blame them?" Dean asked incredulously. "You're hot." He looked Cas over again, trying to see him from other people's eyes. "I know my opinion is biased, but seriously. You're gonna have to fight off the chicks." Dean hoped that Castiel's sudden change in appearance wasn't going to cause any issues with jealousy or anything, because Dean had a tendency to be a bit protective and possessive Cas really did look hot, though. The black tee shirt brought out his hair and made his eyes seem brighter in contrast, and it highlighted the muscles in his shoulders, chest and back. Instead of the big, shapeless hoodie Cas usually wore, the tee shirt didn't hang low over his jeans, and Dean couldn't help but notice how nice Castiel's butt was in those dark jeans, which fitted his legs really well.

Castiel dipped his head, looking at the grass as he laughed to himself about how silly the idea sounded of him fighting off girls. Him. Of all people. He shook his head, still smiling. "I don't think that's going to happen, Dean" Even if it did it would be pointless, Castiel was gay. And that was another thing that worried Castiel. He wasn't denying his sexuality, he just didn't go around declaring it either. And if he had to tell girls to get them to leave him alone then it would be the talk of the school and he didn't want people knowing him as 'that gay kid'. But he was probably over-reacting. Dean was just joking with him anyway, he tried to forget about it. "What about you, you can't just drop the girl act." Castiel said carefully. "I mean, I know you're..we're..but you can't just shut them out." he said realizing that made him sound like he didn't want Dean. "All I'm saying is if you change too in much people are going to start asking questions. There's another of them going around just because we hang out together."

Dean licked his lips thoughtfully and nodded. "Yeah, I'm not just gonna suddenly announce it to the school. I kind of… I don't know, me and Lisa weren't really dating ever. I mean, we went out a few times, but she's too clingy and I didn't want to commit to anything with her, because she gets on my nerves after a while." He looked at Cas. "I'm in a relationship with you, now. There's no way I'm gonna be doing stuff with any girls, Cas." Dean wanted to be faithful in this relationship, because it meant so much more than anything he'd ever had before, and he wanted it to last. "I'm not gonna tell anyone, don't worry. If any girls start flirting with me I'll just tell them I'm not interested in dating, they'll get over it."

Castiel bit his lip, to stop too larger smile spreading across his face. "I wasn't implying you should do stuff with girls, just keep being friendly with them. You don't have to date them, just keep up the popular appearance." he shrugged, trying to work out how they should be playing this out. "It'll be worth it if it means I get to keep you and I get to do things to you that those girls can only dream about." he teased, his voice low and slightly possessive.

Dean grinned and nudged Cas with his foot. "No need to get cocky about it," he teased back. "Pun intended." he gave Cas a sexy face and shifted so he was lying on his back with his arms above his head casually. He wanted to touch Cas, but he couldn't right here; there was too much of a risk of them being caught. This was like torture, having Cas so close but not allowed to put his hands on him and kiss him.

Castiel laughed but it soon subsided when he saw the rise and fall of Dean's chest as he lay on his back. He wanted to rest his head there, look up at the clouds with Dean and talk about what they saw. Make him laugh and hold him close. But he couldn't, and it was complete torture. "I have to go" he said lamely, he thought he could do this but he couldn't the temptation was just too great. He stumbled to his feet and made his way back to art class, hoping Dean didn't follow him. He was afraid he might just push him into a locker and make out with him in front of everyone if he kept teasing him like this.

Dean groaned quietly and got to his feet. "Cas?" He called uncertainly. He started to follow uncertainly. "Are you okay?" He wondered if he'd somehow offended Cas, and he didn't know what he'd said. Cas had just gotten up and started walking away so suddenly that it left Dean feeling cold and alone, and he just wanted Castiel to be by his side again.

Castiel stopped before reaching where most kids hung out for lunch and turned back to Dean. "I'm fine, I just..I can't do this, Dean." he whispered, looking over his shoulder to see if anyone was watching. "I just want to hold you and I can't and it's killing me." he sighed, rubbing a hand over his for forehead which caused his t-shirt to roll up a bit. "I'll see you later." he mumbled with a soft smile and went into the building, ignoring the looks he got.

Dean sighed and smiled half-heartedly as Cas walked away. Dean put his hands in his pockets and watched Cas walk back into school, looking incredibly sexy in that outfit, and Dean noticed with a pang of jealousy that girls were staring at his boyfriend. Dean tried to school his expression into one that hid his frustration and sadness and wandered casually back into school to his locker and messed around pointlessly. He didn't want to talk to anyone right now, and luckily there weren't any students in the hallway right now. Dean wished there was a way they could be public with their relationship without either of them getting in trouble, but he couldn't think of anything. He thought longingly of the cabin, and wanted nothing more than to go there right now with Cas, where they didn't have to hide and they could just lose themselves in each other.

Castiel made it to art class only to find one of the popular girls in his class sitting on a stool in front of his work, sucking on a lollypop. She was looking over at Castiel with a devilish grin. Her eyes raked over his new look with clear approval. Castiel averted his eyes not quite sure where to go. He needed to get back to his painting but didn't want to get to close to her. He could feel her gaze exposing him from across the room, he wasn't sure how he'd like it up front. "It's Castiel, right?" she asked sweetly. Castiel nodded and walked closer, hoping that she'd move away but she didn't. "Didn't see you at the dance, I would have remembered you." she grinned. Castiel wasn't sure whether he was going to simultaneously combust or start laughing. "I'm not much of a dancer." he deflated. The girl swivelled on the stool to look at his painting. "You're really talented, maybe you could paint me like that." she smiled suggestively. Castiel swallowed, still refusing to look at her properly. It felt cold and pointless when anyone but Dean said things like that. "Maybe another time." he said politely, trying to get her to leave. The girl just smiled and trailed a hand on his shoulder as she left. "I'll look forward to it." Castiel shivered, feeling sick and continued with his art.

The rest of the day dragged on, especially since Dean didn't have and classes with Cas today. Dean didn't know why, but on Mondays Cas somehow managed to get a full day in the art room, which sounded pretty awesome. When the day was over, Dean went back out to the parking lot, taking his time walking to his dad's car. He wondered if he'd see Cas before he left. He decided to stand outside and wait around a little, but Lisa spotted him and came over with a a big smile. Dean internally groaned and plastered what he hoped was a polite smile on his face. "Hi, Dean!" She said, grinning at him flirtatiously and standing too close to him. "Hey," he said absently, trying to think of a way to get her to leave. He wasn't in the mood for this. "Are you free on Friday night? My parents are going out of town for the weekend, so if you wanted to…." She trailed off suggestively, twirling her hair around her finger. Dean smiled tightly. In the past, he wouldn't have to be asked twice. Lisa was hot. But now Dean couldn't, and he found he didn't even want to. "I don't know, Lisa," He said uncertainly, but she cut him off by leaning up and whispering in his ear, placing her hand on his stomach. "Come on, baby. It'll be just like last time."

Castiel managed to avoid the looks the girl -whose name he couldn't remember- stares as the rest of art carried on. The school bell rung and he sighed with relief. He tied his hoodie around his hips and his backpack hung low, gripping to his shoulder. He walked outside hoping to see a glimpse of Dean before heading off home but saw him with Lisa. Castiel's stomach dropped and he felt like he was going to be sick. Dean didn't exactly look exactly pleased about the situation but it still made jealousy boil up in his veins. He just had to keep telling himself that Dean wouldn't cheat. He wasn't even touching her. It was just a front, it wasn't real. Balthazar cut off his thoughts and put him in a playful headlock. "Hey Cassie, missed you at breakfast." Castiel grunted and shoved him away. Balthazar just grinned his usual sickly grin and said, "Still pining after lover-boy over there, didn't we warn you to stay away?" Castiel tore his eyes away from Dean and looked up at Balthazar, "I'm not pining." Castiel argued, walking past him and making his way home.

Dean looked over Lisa's head and saw Castiel come out of the school and stop when he saw Dean and Lisa. His face looked devastated and Dean bit his lip and met his eyes apologetically, hoping Castiel would understand. He looked back down at Lisa. "I gotta go," he said, "See you later." He turned away from her and took his phone out of his pocket, pretending to dial a call so Lisa would leave. She looked vaguely hurt, and Dean shot her an apologetic smile as she walked away. Dean wanted to walk over to Castiel and explain what was happening, but Balthazar appeared out of nowhere and started taunting Cas before Dean could even take a step forward. He leaned back casually against the car, watching the two of them out of the corner of his eye as he pretended to be texting. If Balthazar actually started hurting Cas, Dean wouldn't be able to stop himself from walking right over there and stopping him, but he couldn't do anything. Castiel shoved away from his brother and began walking away, and Dean watched them until they were out of sight before he sighed miserably and tugged at his hair, eyes starting to water in frustration. This was all going wrong. Dean hated this. They were going to have to talk about how this was going to work. He got into the car and drove home the long way so he wouldn't risk passing by Castiel and Balthazar walking on the street.

Balthazar punched him a few times playfully. His definition of playfully may have to be revisited but it was less than usual so Castiel just let it go over his head. He went into the kitchen and made himself a stack of sandwiches, some extra chicken for Amber and a can of soda from the fridge. He went upstairs and found a note on his bed from his mom: 'Early graduation present' with it was a set of keys. Castiel frowned, not understand what they were for and decided to investigate. In the garage he found a motorbike tied up with a big red bow. Castiel laughed at how ridiculous that was. His mom had bought him the guitar last year for his birthday and now this. He felt guilty, he hardly saw her and she'd tried to make it up by buying her sons gifts..but this. He could possibly..He pulled out his phone and called Dean needing something that made sense to talk to.

Dean had gone up to his room. Nobody was home yet; Sam had texted him saying he was going over to Jess' house for a study date, and Dean of course replied with lots of immature comments just to annoy his little brother. John had called him and said he was working late at the mechanic shop, which probably meant he was getting drunk with some friends from work. Dean was relieved and flopped down on his bed, trying to put today's weirdness out of his mind. When his phone vibrated in his pocket, his heart skipped a beat and he took it out. It was Castiel, and Dean bit his lip, hesitating a little before answering it. "Hey, Cas, I'm really sorry about today, I understand if you're mad at me after what happened in the art room and then at lunch and Lisa…" He trailed off when he realized how stupid his rambling sounded, and just sighed in frustration and defeat and rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"Dean I've got a motorcycle." Castiel blurted out, not really caring about anything else at the moment. He wasn't upset with Dean, he understood why and what had happened so the vehicle parked in front of him seemed a more likely discussion at the moment. "I came home and there's this thing just sat in my garage." he couldn't stop smiling. Things in his life seemed to be taking a turn for the better. "And I'm not upset and Lisa..I understand. I actually got hit on myself..I think. I'm not sure it was weird."

Dean was speechless for a moment as he processed the information. "Why do you have a motorcycle?" He asked dumbly. He was busy thinking about Castiel being hit on by a girl, and the thought made him ridiculously nervous. He was picturing girls flirting with his boyfriend and Dean just sitting there not able to do anything to stop it. Dean felt like a dick, but he really didn't want that to happen, even though he knew it wasn't fair because the same exact thing happened to him. Dean swallowed down his jealousy and focused on the motorcycle.

"I don't know. My mom said it was early graduation." he shrugged, untying the bow and looking the bike over. "Dean, you've got to see this. It's gorgeous." He stopped suddenly when he realized he'd just said he got hit on and blushed a little. "But you know, nothing happened. I just pushed her away just like you did with Lisa." he said hoping Dean would agree with him and this was his subtle way of finding out what exactly went down between him and Lisa because thinking about it made him sick to his stomach.

Dean breathed a sigh of relief when Cas told him about the girl. "Oh, good. Not that I was too worried about it, since girls aren't really your area," he said, trying to sound natural. He took a deep breath. "Yeah, Lisa asked me to come over on Friday. I said no, don't worry. I said I wasn't going to get involved with anyone else, didn't I?" He hadn't meant for that to sound so defensive, and he sighed. "Cas, I'm sorry. Shit. This is hard for me, I just discovered I'm gay when I've always liked girls… I guess you could say I'm kind of having an identity crisis. I swear you're more important to me than anyone else I've ever dated, okay? I know it looks bad but you have to trust me when I say I really want you and nobody else." Dean paused, and there was a moment of silence, before he tried to direct the conversation back to an easier topic. "Do you even know how to drive a motorcycle?"

Castiel let out a sigh in relief, it meant so much to him to hear Dean's words. He hadn't been worried, he trusted Dean but there was just a small cloud of doubt in the back of his mind that was telling him something was off. But it soon cleared when Dean's words washed over him. He chuckled when Dean changed the subject. "My Grande-mere is from France. The legal age for driving is younger out there. So when we went out to see her I learnt. I should be able to pick it up again easily." he shrugged, easily sitting on the bike and running his fingers over the metal work. He was silent for a moment before speaking again. "I care for you too, y'know." he said softly, "I trust you and I know you wouldn't do something like that to hurt me. It wasn't your fault."

Dean exhaled in relief. He could tell by Castiel's tone that everything was good between them. Castiel's reassuring words made him feel better, and he just wanted to kiss Castiel and hold him in his arms. They still had a lot to talk about, like how they were going to keep their relationship secret without getting too frustrated. He smiled when he pictured Cas on a motorcycle. "That's really cool," he said enthusiastically. "Are you gonna test it out?" Dean hinted hopefully.

Castiel grinned, he closed his eyes and imagined Dean riding with him. His hands around Castiel's waist and holding him tight as they rode around. "Michael left me his old jacket, I don't see why not." he smiled, rather excited to ride up to school and see the look on Dean's face. The thought made him chuckle. He just wanted to kiss Dean..this secret thing was going to be harder than he thought.

"Nobody's at my house right now…" Dean said suggestively, "And they won't be home for about 2 hours. And you have a motorcycle." Dean bit his lip in anticipation, hoping Castiel would be able to sneak out and come see him, even though it wasn't planned. "I really wanna see you in a biker jacket,' he said in a low voice, imagining how sexy Cas would look on a motorcycle with a leather jacket, a helmet and maybe some aviator sunglasses.

Castiel shivered in anticipation, "Okay. Text me the address. I'll be right over." Castiel hung up and practically ran up to his room and dug out Michael's old leather jacket. It was from when he was Castiel's age so fit him perfectly. He ate one of the forgotten sandwiches and headed back down to the garage, starting her up. She purred eagerly and memories of driving around France came flooding back. He smiled and put on the helmet, his mom would go crazy if she found out he was driving around without it. He was just a pair of glasses away from looking like a real biker. He soon got the text from Dean telling him where he lived and set of to his house.

Dean grinned when Castiel excitedly hung up and he quickly texted his address to Cas. Then he quickly cleaned up his room, getting rid of the dirty laundry on the floor and pulling up the blankets on his bed. He fluffed the pillows and took a glance around the room, making sure there was nothing embarrassing, and nodded in approval before going outside to sit on the porch and wait for the sound of Castiel's motorcycle.

Castiel soon arrived, seeing Dean wait for him made him grin. He pulled up in the driveway and turned off the engine. He pulled off the helmet and balanced it in the crook of his elbow, holding up his over arm and and grinning over at Dean "What do you think?" he asked, pulling a pose like they do on the advertisements for motorbikes.

Dean's gaze flicked over Castiel's body, and he nodded in approval and raised his eyebrows. "You look really damn sexy," Dean told him, standing up and walking over to Cas, looking him up and down. He was still wearing the tee shirt from earlier, only now he had a leather jacket unzipped over it and was holding a helmet under his arm. His hair was messed up, and Dean stepped right into his space. "The bike's pretty cool, too," he said teasingly, pretending he hadn't noticed the bike. It was pretty neat, Dean thought. It was shiny and new, and it looked awesome. Dean looked at it eagerly, imagining what it would feel like to sit behind Cas and ride on it.

Castiel blushed and ran a hand through his hair. "I know you said a couple hours but I can only do one. I just can't risk longer than that." He got off the bike and leaned in close to Dean. "So let's make the most of it." he whispered in a low voice. As soon as he leaned into Dean he had leaned back and walked right past Dean and towards the house, swaying his hips and trying to look as hot as he could. He smiled and blushed like an idiot as he did so but he wanted to please Dean after denying him all day.

Dean stared at Castiel's butt as he walked up to the house, swaying his hips exaggeratedly, and Dean giggled a little and followed him, wrapping an arm around his waist as they got into the house. Dean led them up to his room and locked the door. He left the light off, just the dim evening light filtering in through the window as the only source of light in the room. Dean didn't hesitate. As soon as the door was locked, he turned around and grabbed Cas, pulling their bodies together and kissing him desperately. At first, their teeth clacked together somewhat painfully in their eagerness, and Dean winced and muttered an apology against Castiel's lips, and turned his head to change the angle. Dean's knees nearly gave out when they kissed. It had only been a day since they'd been together, but it felt much longer, and Dean needed it.

Castiel gasped at Dean's eagernesses, instantly letting his hands run into Dean's hair. Tugging at it lightly as he pulled him closer. He moaned into Dean's mouth, sucking at his lower lip. He pushed Dean back into the bed, ignoring his surroundings and focusing on Dean. He straddled Dean, his knees on either

Dean let himself be pushed backwards until he lost his balance and ended up sprawled on the bed with Castiel crawling over him, straddling him and holding him down. Dean's pants were already feeling tight and they'd barely even done anything yet. He loved it when Cas took control like this; it was surprisingly hot. Dean nipped at Castiel's lips and looked up at him with a sexy smile. "I'm glad we didn't have to wait until Wednesday," Dean replied, licking his lips and looking down at Castiel's body suggestively. "Clothes off," he announced, pushing at Castiel's chest so he could stand up and do his little striptease thing he'd been wanting to do. "Stay there," he ordered with a teasing grin when Cas tried to follow him.

Castiel frowned in confusion when Dean told him to stay put. All he wanted to do was touch and taste Dean and he was being denied this. He shrugged off his leather jacket and shoes and folded them at the bottom of the bed on the floor. He looked back up at Dean with big blue eyes, his hair tussled and lips parted and red. He watched Dean carefully, "Is everything okay?"


	7. Chapter 7

Dean smirked at Castiel's miffed expression and switched on the radio to a pop music station. The song that was playing was For Your Entertainment by Adam Lambert, which was a really sexual song and perfect for what Dean was about to do. He took off his shoes and socks, not really sure how to be sexy when taking those off, but then he reached for the zipper of his sweatshirt and slowly, teasingly, unzipped it, watching Castiel's eyes follow the zipper down. When it was all the way unzipped, Dean turned his back to Cas and looked at him coyly over his shoulder as he slowly shrugged it off his left shoulder, then his right, swaying his shoulders and hips back and forth slowly as he gradually eased the sweatshirt down his back.

Castiel's eyes widened as Dean began to strip in front of him. His hands clutched at his sides, grabbing at the sheets. By the time Dean's shoulders were visible Castiel couldn't hold back any more. He stood up and wrapped his arms around Dean's waist, kissing at the other's shoulder blades. His tongue flattening against the skin. He needed Dean now, to touch him, taste him. He couldn't wait for Dean to strip he had to reach out and touch him. He managed to pull off the rest of Dean's sweatshirt and pull him back round by his belt loops into a searing kiss.

Dean gasped and tossed his head back when he felt Castiel's arms close around his waist and a hot, wet mouth pressing against his back. Castiel forcefully turned him around and smashed their mouths together. Dean kissed him back for a moment, surprised by Castiel's reaction. He pushed Cas away reluctantly when he needed to breathe, and frowned at him. "Aw, Cas, I didn't even get to the pants! And that was gonna be the fun part." He licked a long stripe up Castiel's throat and nipped at his chin. "You ruined my plans," he said, trying to sound disappointed and sad but failing miserably.

Castiel pouted, "I'm sorry, you're just too hot to resist." Castiel pulled Dean back closer, kissing him roughly. His hands roaming over his body as he nipped at the other's bottom lip. He moved away for breath as he tugged off his own t-shirt. "And we don't have much time." he growled, pushing Dean back onto the bed. He was usually so reserved and shy, if he could see himself right now he'd be blushing ferociously but something inside him, this raw animal desperate and passionate for desire seemed to take over him. He clutched at the others hips, straddling him once again with determination as he kissed him deeply.

Dean moaned and winced as his erection pressed uncomfortably against his pants. Everything about Cas was overwhelmingly hot right now, and Dean couldn't take it. He was losing control. Cas wasn't holding back at all, and he was being rough with Dean, straddling him and holding him down on the bed. Dean dug his fingers into Castiel's hips, pulling him down against his body and groaning at the friction. He panted into Castiel's mouth and kissed him back, sucking on Castiel's tongue as he tried to regain control of the kiss and make Castiel come undone.

Castiel moaned when Dean rubbed against him, blissful heat surging through his body. The way Dean kissed him sent Castiel into overdrive wanting and needing more of him as the their movements became hot and heavy. Castiel slipped his hand between them and unzipped Dean's pants trying to take them off him as he kissed him passionately.

Dean groaned in approval when Castiel started fumbling with his pants, and Dean clumsily unbuttoned them and wriggled out of them, keeping his mouth locked to Castiel's, and then tugged at Castiel's pants, trying to get them off too. Once they were both pantless Dean pulled Castiel's hips down against his, grinding up against him and rolling his pelvis against Castiel's. "Fuck!" Dean gasped, biting Castiel's jaw.

Castiel groaned breathlessly against Dean's mouth, grinding against him. "So beautiful." Castiel gasped, running his hands down Dean's sides and back up and into his hair. He tugged at his hair lightly bring him back up to kiss him again. He needed Dean, he remembered his words from this morning: You're like a drug. And he couldn't have been more right.

Dean smiled into the kiss, shuddering at the feeling of Castiel pressing down on top of him, running his hands down his sides, tugging at his hair, licking at the inside of his mouth. Castiel was everywhere. Dean was completely surrounded by him and it was the best, most surreal feeling ever. "Cas," he said roughly, only it was muffled against Castiel's tongue in his mouth. His fingers tentatively crept down Castiel's sides and slipped under the waistband of his boxers, just a little bit, and he waited to see if it was okay to keep going.

Castiel gasped at the touch but didn't stop Dean. He wanted this, he was scared and excited but he wanted to feel Dean's hands everywhere. He backed away slightly to look down at Dean and look into his eyes, nodding slightly to tell him to keep going before he was kissing him again. This time more slowly but still firm and hot as he explored the other's mouth.

Castiel backed up slightly and they stilled for a moment. Their eyes met and Dean saw more heat and desire in Castiel's eyes than he'd ever seen before, and he bit back a moan as Castiel nodded once, and then came back down to kiss him some more. Dean's heart sped up in excitement and nerves as he slowly and carefully pushed Castiel's boxers down over his ass and spread his fingers out over the newly exposed skin.

Castiel bit back a moan as Dean's hands explored. He managed to wriggle out of his boxers completely before working on Dean's. Everything seemed to slow down as they both lay naked on Dean's bed. He leant down and kissed Dean tenderly before moving his hips slowly against Dean's feeling nothing but skin on skin. No fabric hiding them. Just them. He groaned at the feeling, biting down on Dean's shoulder lightly as he felt his arms give way slightly. He wasn't sure how long he could keep this up but he never wanted to stop.

Dean kicked his own boxers away. He could hardly breath. Then, Castiel lowered himself down on top of Dean and they just sat there for a moment, looking at each other in amazement, before Cas gently kissed him and they began moving together slowly. It was the most intense thing Dean had ever felt. Castiel's skin was hot against his and Dean was throbbing with desire. He bucked his hips up as Cas rolled his down, sliding their bodies together, and Dean was seeing stars. He was vaguely aware that he was muttering incoherently against Castiel's skin, clinging onto him desperately, hands everywhere.

Castiel moaned into Dean's neck, unable to do much else but roll his hips against Dean's with a passion and desperation he wasn't even aware he possessed. He could feel the heat and arousal building up inside him, it wouldn't be too long until he came undone. He managed to find Dean's lips again, kissing him hard before uttering breathlessly "I love you" and gripping onto his hair as he felt himself reach his orgasm as he rode himself to ecstasy, moaning into Dean's mouth.

When Castiel's pace increased to something frantic and desperate, Dean's did too, and his breath came in short, uneven gasps as his entire body burned up. This was the greatest feeling in the world. He 'panted into Castiel's collarbone and his tongue darted out to taste the sweat there. They were both getting close. Dean watched Castiel moving above him. "So.. fucking beautiful," Dean managed to say in between breaths and kisses. Castiel's fingers pulled Dean's hair hard and their eyes met, and when Cas said those three words and then reached his climax, Dean followed close behind, digging his fingers into Castiel's back and crying out his name. When Dean came down from the aftershocks, he whispered, "Cas, I love you,"

Castiel whimpered, reaching up to kiss Dean tenderly. Hearing Dean say those words back melted his heart. He didn't care that they had to hide, that they'd have to wait and treasure every moment they could sneak away to be with each other. It was worth it to hear those three precious words. He played with Dean's hair gently, making up for all the tugging he did on it. He was breathing heavily and he could feel Dean do the same as he was pressed against his chest. After he managed to get his breathing to a regular rate he stood up and walked into the bathroom, finding a cloth and cleaning them both up before coming back to curl up next to

Dean watched Castiel walk to the bathroom. He was completely naked, and Dean looked appreciatively at his body. He was overwhelmingly beautiful, all long lines and graceful arches and lean muscle and smooth skin. Dean smiled softly to himself. Castiel was all his, nobody else's, and Dean felt like the luckiest person in the world. After Cas was done cleaning them up as best as he could, they laid down together, and Dean pulled the blanket up over them as they held each other close, basking in the afterglow. Dean kissed Castiel's forehead softly and stroked his hair, gazing into Castiel's beautiful eyes with a small smile.

Castiel hummed, curling up by Dean's side. He felt a bit bad that they hadn't had time to explore one another's bodies more tenderly, slowly. There would be time for that at the cabin. This was just needing Dean to be there. To pleasure one another before having to separate again. It was awful but there was nothing they could do about it. He sighed when he felt himself drifting off to sleep. He had to stay awake, he couldn't risk falling asleep here. "I have to go soon." he said reluctantly, running his hand down Dean's side and kissing his neck.

"Mm, I know," Dean murmured sadly, breathing in Castiel's intoxicating scent. "I wish it didn't have to be like this," Dean didn't like having to hide it from everyone. He hoped that the strain of keeping their relationship a secret wouldn't be too much for them. He didn't want this to get screwed up. "I wish we could hold hands and kiss and touch each other in public and not have to worry about getting beaten up," Dean said longingly. It really wasn't fair. If one of them was a girl, it would probably be very different, but there was no use even thinking about that. Dean sighed, catching Castiel's hand in his own and entwining their fingers together, bring their hands up to rest on the mattress between them as he played with Castiel's fingers, marveling at the way their hands fit together perfectly.

Castiel sighed sadly, "Me too." He wished they could do things that other couples did in public but unfortunately life just wasn't kind to Castiel Novak and decided to ruin everything good he had. Castiel was determined to stop this from happening with Dean. He wanted it to work. He wanted them to still be together when he went to college. They would be more excepting there and he would be away from his brothers he could be himself more openly and invite Dean up whenever he was free and do couply things with him in public because he could.

Dean smiled sadly and stroked Castiel's cheek. "Cas, whatever happens, I'm not gonna give up, okay? I promise I'll always be here for you." He knew that Castiel's family would take it out on him violently if they discovered that Castiel was in a relationship with the son of the man who'd attacked Castiel with a knife. An impossible idea came into his head then, and he whispered, "We could stop hiding, you know. Just let people figure it out for themselves. Love shouldn't be a secret." He knew this was highly unlikely, and he felt bad for suggesting it, but he couldn't stop himself.

Castiel gasped, turning to look at Dean very seriously. "I won't risk loosing you like that." He knew what his family would do if they ever found out he was dating a Winchester. Let alone what Mr Winchester would do if he ever found out he was dating his son. "I can't put you though that. We'll find a way to get through this." he promised, kissing Dean tenderly. "When we're older we can do what we want but for now we're just going to have to stick through this." he smiled sadly. It was make or break.

Dean closed his eyes against the tears that threatened to fall in frustration. "Cas, it's not right. We shouldn't have to hide like this. I hate seeing you and not being able to touch you or kiss you, like today. And that was just one day. What's it going to be like for the rest of this year? And then we still have senior year to get through!" He pulled Cas closer, knowing that he'd have to leave soon and he wasn't sure how long they'd have to wait before they could be alone again. "You won't lose me," he mumbled sadly. "I'm not going anywhere, Cas. I don't care what our families do, they can't keep me away from you."

"It'll get better with time." he assured more himself than Dean. "Senior year won't be as bad. Gabriel will be gone and Balthazar will be on his own. He's still an ass but he's less dangerous without Gabriel's influence." Castiel held Dean tightly, not wanting to let go. "I love you, Dean." he said softly, kissing him passionately. "We'll get through this." Castiel sighed and swivelled into sitting position on the edge of the bed, picking up his boxers and beginning to get dressed. He didn't want to leave but he didn't want them to get caught either.

Dean sighed and reluctantly let go of Cas as he sat up to begin getting dressed again, watching the muscles in his back shift as he pulled on his boxers and pants. Dean propped himself up on one elbow and scooted closer to Cas so he was sitting behind him, and wrapped his arms around Castiel's torso, pressing his face against his back and closing his eyes. He couldn't help himself, he needed to feel Castiel's warmth in his arms again, to savor every touch because it was going to be days before they could do this again. Dean wondered when he had become so dependent on this, when they'd only been together for a few days. Dean knew it was ridiculous; he would see Cas at school and be able to call him at night just to talk, but Dean already missed him, even though they had plans for Wednesday.

Castiel sighed, leaning into the touch. Dean's point about just being open and dealing with the consequences did sound appealing if it meant they could touch each other during school because building it up until they could be in secret probably wasn't the healthiest thing in the world to do. He turned around and kissed Dean's forehead before gently standing from Dean's grip and putting on his pants and shirt. He finally managed to dress fully and came and sat back down next to Dean and hugged him tightly. Drinking in Dean's scent before standing up again and smiling sadly at him. "See you tomorrow?" he said, already feeling bad for having to leave so soon.

Dean hugged Castiel back tightly, melting into his arms. They fit together perfectly like this, bodies interlocked like puzzle pieces. Castiel smelled like his familiar scent of vanilla, peppermint and pinecone, and he also smelled like sweat and sex and Dean, and it was intoxicating. When they pulled apart reluctantly, Dean nodded sadly and said, "Yeah. I'll walk you out." It was an excuse to spend just a few more moments with Cas. They walked downstairs together and when they reached the door, Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's neck and kissed him slowly.

Castiel moaned softly, kissing Dean and treasuring ever moment. Every touch and sensation. He pulled away slowly with a big smile on his face. He put his helmet on and went back out to his bike. He started up the engine, listen to her purr and he gave Dean a small wave before pulling away and riding home. Once home, he put the bike back in the garage and headed straight up to his room, relishing the fact his clothes smelt of Dean and sighed deeply.

Dean waved and grinned as Cas rode away, and he watched him until he could no longer see the motorcycle's lights. Then Dean sighed and went back inside. He went up to his room and looked at his bed in amazement. He didn't know if what they'd just done counted as sex, but that's basically what it was so Dean decided that yes, they'd just had sex. He wasn't quite ready to think about the real sex thing, because he still had to do some research on that, and he was blushing to even think about it. He flopped face first onto his bed and stuffed his face into the pillow, thrilled to discover that it smelled like Cas. He breathed in deeply and closed his eyes with a small smile still on his face.

Castiel ate the sandwiches he had left from earlier and curled up on his bed. He was pretty tired from the afternoon and decided to go to bed early. He took off his t-shirt and pants and went to bed in his boxers. He kept his t-shirt by his pillow as it smelt like Dean. The scent made him feel warm and safe as he drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face. He awoke the next morning feeling warm and happy. Just two more days and he could be with Dean again. He could do this, he told himself. He got up, showered, changed, grabbed some breakfast and went to school on his bike. It wasn't like Castiel to feel the need to show off but after last night, he felt confident and wanted to show off the new him. The better, stronger Castiel. He wore dark denim jeans with a simple grey t-shirt and his brothers old leather jacket. He was showing off, maybe. But just for Dean.

(Omg hahahHAHA oops I just realized Dean never put clothes on when he went downstairs with Castiel and then stood on the porch waving goodbye to him and he was naked the WHOLE TIME)

Dean woke up slowly, feeling warm and comfortable but not nearly as much as he would if Castiel was still in bed with him. He got up, took a shower, got dressed, and then went downstairs. Sam was already down there, eating cereal as usual, and John was reading the paper. Dean hummed quietly to himself, still smiling stupidly, and Sam gave him a scared look. "Dean are you okay?" Dean raised his eyebrows, and Sam continued. "It's seven in the morning. You're _smiling."_Dean rolled his eyes and shrugged, grabbing an apple. They finished their breakfast quickly, Dean avoiding his dad's eyes just in case he gave something away, because John was looking at him suspiciously, and then Dean dragged Sam out to the car. "See you, Dad!" he called as he slammed the door shut. Dean turned the radio on loud and started driving to school. He parked in his usual spot and saw Castiel's motorcycle parked kind of nearby, and he grinned when he saw Cas standing near it casually. Sam went off to his group of friends which were already inside the school, and Dean walked over to Cas, looking him up and down in approval. "Damn, Cas." he said, because _wow._

(Oh dear. Let's just pretend that didn't happen, haha. I completely forgot about that.)

Castiel grinned when he saw Dean driving into school but look away pretending not to see him. When he strolled up to him he blushed, feeling a bit out of place in his attire but wanted to look good for Dean. Clearly it had worked. His helmet was under his arms and he held on to it tightly instead of reaching out for Dean. He saw Sam walking away but took his attention back to Dean. "You like?" he teased, blushing as he said it. He brushed past Dean and headed for the school, swaying his hips intentionally as he walked. He'd seen the way Dean had checked out girls before and now that Dean was his, he wanted him to look at him that way. He couldn't explain it but it made him feel special, like someone wanted him. And that made him feel like he could accomplish anything.

(oh god I know, I laughed so hard. :D)

Dean smiled and whistled quietly, just enough so that Cas could hear him but not loud enough that other people would hear it. Cas looked really sexy, and Dean was going to have a hard time controlling his desire to slam Cas up against the lockers and kiss him senseless. He went to go catch up with Cas so they walked casually side by side, not too close together. When they walked into the school, Dean noticed everybody staring at them walking together, like they couldn't believe that Cas had suddenly turned hot and was hanging out with a popular kid. Girls looked Cas up and down in surprise and gave him flirtatious smiles. Dean was used to receiving those smiles, but when they were directed at Cas Dean felt a little threatened, like they were going to take Cas away from him. He resisted the urge to put his arm around Cas so everybody could see that Cas was taken, that they were boyfriends. Dean opted for casually slinging an arm around Castiel's shoulders, the way guys did all the time with their friends, and decided that it wouldn't be too much. Nobody would suspect anything if he just did that, or at least that's what he hoped. He looked at Cas questioningly, prepared to move his arm away if Castiel looked uncomfortable.

(Haha, same. It's like that episode where he pulls his pants down and shouts 'pudding'. Where he just doesn't give a crap and he's standing naked on the porch. Haha)

Castiel walked in through the halls and people were certainly staring at them. Castiel resisted the urge to wipe his face to see if he'd got something on it. A few girls shot Castiel flirtatious smiles and Castiel had to look at Dean and back at them before realizing they were looking at him. He gave them what he hoped was a smile back. He wasn't used to this attention, he wasn't sure how to treat it or act with it. Suddenly Dean's arm was around him and he panicked, he'd just outed them. In the middle of the school hall. He looked around them but the girls were still giving him looks of want. They didn't know. They thought they were friends. He saw a couple of jocks with one guys arm slung around the other and Castiel realized Dean was making them look like bros. They could touch each other, and no one would know. This could work. He found himself smiling even more at the fact that this could work.

Dean grinned at him knowingly and tugged him closer briefly with a couple quick pats on the shoulder. He turned his head to the side and whispered in Castiel's ear, "We're bros now. Nobody's gonna know." He loosened his grip then but kept his arm loosely around Castiel's shoulder, smiling at a blond girl who 'accidentally' brushed against his arm. He relaxed at the feeling of Castiel close to him, and he thought this would be enough to get him through the day. He just hoped he'd be able to keep the touches casual, and he was a little worried that he might slip up and accidentally do something that would reveal them. But for now it was working, and Dean could do this. Still, people seemed surprised that the two of them were hanging out, and Dean didn't really want to know how people would react if they discovered he and Cas were dating.

Castiel smiled and nodded, returning his attention to around them to make it look like they weren't huddling together as they walked and kept it loose and casual. Trying his best to imitate the attitude between two bros. He'd never had a bro before so what he knew was from watching people so he was pretty sure he could act it out just fine. They ended up by Castiel's locker so he could put his helmet away for the day and found a note lodged in the gap. It was on frilly paper and smelt like perfume. Castiel opened it carefully, afraid of what was written inside. It just had a phone number, a name and three kisses. Castiel blinked and looked up at Dean. He shoved it in his locker at the back, not wanting to think about it write now. He was having problems dealing with all this. With him and Dean. Having the extra burden of girls is not one that he wanted. He slammed the locker shut and ran a hand through his hair in annoyance.

Dean leaned against the lockers and watched Cas as he opened the note. He tried to keep his face neutral, but really he was nervous. It was obviously from a girl, and it had a number and lipstick kisses on it. Castiel looked so bewildered that Dean bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing, but he couldn't help himself when Cas shoved the note into his locker and slammed the door, looking like a nervous wreck. Dean giggled and lightly shoved at Castiel's shoulder, squeezing it once before dropping his hand. Dean knew that Cas wouldn't leave him for a girl, but it still hurt a little. Dean wanted to be the one flirting with Cas in school, but he couldn't. He couldn't look at him in that way, couldn't touch him in that way, and it wasn't fair that girls could. Dean wanted to just tell everyone that Cas was his, but he couldn't do that. It would ruin everything.

Castiel laughed a little too, it was so silly. All he'd done was taken off his hoodie and suddenly people were noticing him. Well, okay. Dean had helped boost his confidence but he was still the same person. He straightened out his leather jacket and looked up at Dean. "What have you got first?" he asked, ignoring the urge to just push him in to the lockers and kiss him right there and then.

Dean watched him adjusting the jacket, pulling it open a little and revealing the thin grey tee shirt underneath, and thought, that really isn't fair. Dean looked down the hallway for a moment to distract himself before his thoughts wandered too far, and then looked back at Cas. "English," he replied. "What about you?" Dean shrugged off his sweatshirt. Underneath it he was wearing a tight, long-sleeved, soft green shirt.

Castiel swallowed thickly as he took in the sight of Dean. "I've…" he trailed off staring at Dean. He had to literally shake his head to get his thoughts away from..that. "I, uh, I've got math. I'll see you later?" He gave Dean a smile and headed off down the hallway, not looking back. Seeing Dean in that slim fitting shirt was doing things to him that would be a bit hard to explain to his math teacher.

Dean chuckled a little at Castiel's reaction. He'd worn that shirt on purpose to tease Cas, knowing that it looked good on him and hugged his body well. The girls liked it, so Cas probably would too. "See you later," Dean called after Cas, still smiling slightly as he turned and walked in the opposite direction, hoping that Cas wouldn't be too mad at him for teasing him like that. He went into English and sat through the lesson, only half paying attention. Ash was in that class, and he kept giving Dean strange looks. He confronted Dean after class and asked him, "Dude, you weren't at prom! What happened?" Dean panicked a little but tried not to show it. "Something came up," he muttered vaguely, "It didn't work out like we thought it would." Ash didn't let it go. "I saw you hanging out with him. What's going on? Are you two going out or something? Are you gay?" Dean's heart rate sped up in fear but he sighed in annoyance and hoped Ash couldn't see how right he was. "Dude, no! Are you serious? We've been hanging out a little, yeah. He's a pretty cool guy once you get to know him." Ash looked at him incredulously for a moment, but then shook his head and shrugged. "Okay, Winchester. I still think you're weird, but whatever." Dean grinned and lightly punched Ash on the shoulder before walking out of class. He was so relieved, and Ash was cool with Dean's story, and everything was good.

Castiel felt like math was never going to finish. He kept seeing Jo out of the corner of his eye, looking in his direction. She was twirling her hair and looking away whenever he looked up. It was getting pretty annoying. He had enough to deal with without this. He just wanted to do his studies and see Dean. Nothing else mattered to him. That's when a note fell onto his desk and he opened it carefully. 'Meet me by the benches at lunch. Jo Xxx' Castiel sighed, folding the note back up and putting it in his pocket. He really didn't want to but he couldn't just ignore her and go hang out with Dean. If he was at least seen with girls from time to time instead of just Dean it could help their story. Dean was going to pissed, that much he could tell. When lunch came, he walked past his usual spot under the tree and headed for the benches were Jo sat on top of one smiling and waving him over. "Is something wrong?" Castiel asked, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. "No. Well, I hope not." she smiled, "I heard your poem last week, in French. You're really good. And I was, well, I was hoping you'd consider tutoring me." Castiel blinked and felt like he was going to be sick. Much like when he'd seen Dean with Lisa. "I don't know, I'll think about it." he smiled politely and left as quickly as possible returning to his usual spot and trying to block out what just happened.

Dean was already out by the tree when he saw Castiel walking outside, and he grinned. But Cas walked in the other direction without looking towards the tree and headed over to a bench where Jo was sitting. He stood in front of her stiffly and they were talking about something. Jo was obviously flirting, sitting cross-legged and smiling up at him and leaning forward. Dean tried not to be too irritated at her, because he could hardly blame her for flirting with Cas when he looked like that. But it still made him jealous. Cas smiled at her and then walked over to Dean and sat down by him, and Dean asked, "What did she want?" And he hated the way he sounded so bitter. He looked up at Cas apologetically and hoped he would understand.

"She wants me to tutor her. I haven't spoken to her since she asked for a pencil four years ago and now she wants me to teach her French." Castiel complained, tilting back to look up at the sky. The clouds made him wish everything could be as simple as them. He closed his eyes and calmed himself down before looking back up at Dean. "I'm sorry, I know you're used to all this but I'm just finding it really odd to adjust to." he smiled apologetically.

Dean nodded in understanding. "Yeah," is all he said. He thought for a moment and then said, "Maybe you should tutor her. She's really nice, and every gay guy needs a fabulous best friend who's a girl," Dean said with a smile. He was pretty confident that Cas wouldn't let himself be led astray by her feminine charm, and Dean figured she'd love having a gay friend. For some reason, girls were like that.

"She doesn't know I'm gay, Dean." Castiel replied, his voice quiet. Dean had been the first person he'd actually told. His family only knew because they lived with him and Dean's dad because of the picture of Dean. Castiel also wasn't sure he wanted a girl best friend just because he was gay. He wanted someone that actually wanted to be his friend. "How would you feel if I told you to out yourself for the purposes of making a friendship you don't want." Castiel fumed, not exactly angry at Dean. Just everything in general.

Dean was taken aback by Castiel's reaction, and he held up his hands in a calming gesture. "Hey, hey, I was kidding, Cas." When he'd said that Dean really was only half-serious; he didn't really think Cas and Jo would get along that well. "That would be stupid. You two would be the worst stereotypical BFFs ever." Castiel didn't look happy, and Dean sagged in guilt. "Cas, I'm sorry, okay? That was dumb. I shouldn't have said that." He flopped down on the grass and put his arms over his face with a frustrated sigh. They had to make this easier somehow.

"I'm just fed up of the stereotypes. It's like if anyone found out I'm gay, I'd go from that hot kid with the bike to one of the village fucking people." Castiel muttered angrily. He got enough of this from his father and brothers, he didn't need it at school too. He sat up, running a hand through his hair. "Back in a minute." he mumbled. He needed to get away from Dean for a minute, cool the air before he said something he'd regret. He went to the canteen and bought himself some chocolate milk before returning back to sit with Dean.

Dean looked at Castiel miserably, not knowing what he could say to make this better. Was this their first fight? Dean didn't know if this really counted as a fight, but he wasn't sure he'd seen Cas this angry before. Dean felt horrible. What he's said had hurt Castiel unintentionally, and Dean wanted nothing more than to hug him, but he knew Cas would be uncomfortable and push him away. Then he stood up and walked away quickly, and Dean didn't follow him. So he waited there on the grass and tried not to let his angry tears fall. This was so unfair. Why couldn't they just be happy? Cas came back a few minutes later and Dean sat up, looking at him carefully. He didn't feel like he had the right to say anything, so he waited for Cas to speak first.

Castiel took a drink from his chocolate milk before speaking. "What you said..it was really stupid, Dean." he started off saying seeing as Dean didn't seem to want to talk. "You're popular and handsome and you can risk being knocked down a few pegs for coming out and having the weirdo as your boyfriend but I can't do that, Dean. I don't have that luxury. I come out, my life becomes a living hell. So I don't think you understand how much it hurts me to hear you come out with stuff like that because you're the one person I expect not to be like that to me. I expect you to understand how much this hurts me. We're supposed to be a team."

Dean clenched his jaw. He realized what he'd said, but he couldn't help but think Cas was overreacting. Cas didn't really understand. "I think you're being unfair," he said quietly, not wanting to get upset. He just needed to say this. "I hate having to hide our relationship, but I'm not going to out us. I'm not comfortable with that either, Cas. What I said last night… about not hiding anymore… I wasn't thinking. I realize that would be a very bad idea. I don't know what my dad would do if he found out about this. If he attacked you with a knife, he'd probably kick me out of the house for good. And as for my reputation at school? I don't think you really know my reputation. Sure, I'm popular with the girls, but I really don't have that many friends, and I'm not smart and don't get good grades. People don't think that highly of me. I'm just the funny guy that doesn't take anything seriously. But I'm taking this seriously, Cas. I'm serious about us. You have to understand that." Dean's voice stayed quiet, and he couldn't look at Cas the entire time he was speaking. He stared down at the ground with his jaw clenched tightly, sitting perfectly still.

Castiel felt bad, they weren't supposed to be arguing at each other. They were just making things worse. Castiel shuffled up so he was leaning against the tree, a bit closer to Dean but still far enough for anyone looking their way. "I love you, Dean." he whispered, watching the other closely. "I didn't mean to hulk out on you. I'm just frustrated that we can't be ourselves in public." He sighed with annoyance, tugging at the grass absently.

Dean sighed and his eyes stung with tears. He blinked them away and didn't look at Cas. "What are we going to do?" He asked in a small voice. He couldn't look at Cas right now, when all he wanted to do was lean against him and hold him and kiss him and just be together, be themselves. He closed his eyes and buried his head in his hands. "I love you too, Cas. I wish I could show you. I wish I could show everyone." He whispered brokenly, not trusting his voice.

Castiel bit his lip, his heart sank at the sound of Dean sounding so small. "I don't know." he admitted with a sigh. He risked sitting closer, the tree obscuring people's view and their bags hiding their hands when Castiel reached out and gently took his hand in his. "But we will get through this, Dean." he assured, his own voice wavering but he kept strong for Dean like he had for him. "We love each other and nothing else matters."

Dean finally looked up when Castiel took his hand, and he managed a shaky smile, a tear sliding down his cheek. He squeezed Castiel's hand gratefully and kept it low on the ground out of sight between them. Dean had to tear his gaze away from Castiel's face after a lingering moment, because he was afraid he would do something stupid like lean in and bury his face in Castiel's neck and hug him or kiss him. He looked back down at their hands. "You have a motorcycle now," Dean said with a timid smile. "Think you could manage to sneak out more often without getting caught?"

Castiel nodded, resisting the urge to wipe away Dean's tears. Or worse, kiss them. He settled for squeezing Dean's hand instead. "I think I could manage it maybe once or twice." he smiled, watching Dean carefully. This was eating him alive. He hated seeing Dean like this and there was nothing he could do that wouldn't make it worse. He sighed heavily, this was only going to get worse.

"Cas, what if it doesn't work? What if one of us slips up one day and people start spreading rumors we won't be able to deny?" Dean blurted out, feeling something akin to panic. "Then what are we going to do? Our whole lives will be a lie and this thing is so fragile…. someone's gonna find out about us and tell everyone and it won't even be our choice and then your family…. my dad…" Dean trailed off, staring into the distance. He could see everything falling apart, and he was starting to panic a little. He tried to control his breathing and looked back into Castiel's eyes to ground himself.

"I will live with my family, I have all my life. As for your father.."he trailed off, rubbing at his scar unconsciously. "If something does happen and we are exposed, I will do all in my power to stop them from tearing us apart. I love you and I want to be with you, I'm willing to put myself through that to protect you and still be able to call you mine."

Dean agreed with everything Cas just said. "Me too," he said softly, squeezing Castiel's hand again. "Me too." He couldn't put it into words any better than Cas had, so Dean just stared into his eyes and hoped he understood. Their feelings for each other were far more important than what anybody said about them. They would make it through this and still be together.

"You have no idea how badly I want to kiss you right now." he whispered, a small grin on his face. The way Dean was looking at him all he wanted to do was placed both hands on either side of his face and kiss him until he wiped away the sad look on his face. Instead, he just squeezed his hand and stared at him longingly.

Dean smiled slightly and looked around. They were far from everyone else and partly hidden behind a tree, and nobody was looking in their direction at the moment. Dean looked at Castiel's lips for a moment, and then looked back down at their hands, shaking his head. He wasn't going to risk it, no matter how tempting it was.

"I know, Dean." he sighed, understanding. "I'll wait until tomorrow." he smiled, looking down at their hands. "I'll have you for the whole night, that's worth the wait." It was silly, it was only a few days, but being forced to wait only made the temptation more irresistible. It was like telling a kid not to open his Christmas presents until at least 7am. It just wasn't possible.

"Why is this so hard, Cas?" He sighed, looking up at him tiredly. "When I see you it's like… I _need _you, and it's painful to stay away and when I'm with you… I can breathe again…" He trailed off and shrugged. "I don't know what I'm trying to say. It's just… I've never felt anything like this before." He gazed at Cas helplessly. He really, really wanted to kiss and tomorrow night felt like years away.

"I guess 'cause it's new and exciting..like the honeymoon period. You're constantly around one another, exploring each other and then once you're accustom to it..everything falls into place." Castiel shrugged. "I understand what you mean though. I've never felt this way before either…we'll get through it." he assured, squeezing Dean's hand.

Dean nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, you're right. I just wish it was okay for us to be dating. Holding hands and kissing in public, stuff like that. Normal couple stuff. Because I'm proud to be your boyfriend. I just want to announce it to people, and be like, 'Hi, I'm Dean and this is my boyfriend Castiel, nice to meet you.' and people would just think it was normal, like being gay wasn't weird or different." Dean leaned back against the tree so his shoulder lightly brushed against Castiel's and they were still holding hands on the grass between them, hidden by Castiel's backpack. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Why does it have to be like this?" he said on the exhale.

Castiel smiled, a surge of warmth flowing through his body. "I'm proud to be yours too." He leant against the tree, leaning into what he could of Dean's touch. He sighed, rubbing his free hand over his eyes. "I don't know but it's always been like this and until college there's not a lot we can do about it." he shrugged. The school bell for the end of lunch went and Castiel growled. He squeezed Dean's hand one last time before letting go and picking up his back and standing up. "Ready for French?"

"You don't think we'll have gotten sick of each other by the end of next year?" Dean teased affectionately as he got to his feet. The fact that Castiel had mentioned college made Dean feel excited and a little nervous. That was a long time away; anything could happen between now and then. Dean was the type of person who didn't really do commitment, but he would willingly commit to Castiel no matter how difficult it was to keep it a secret. He picked up his backpack and slung it over one shoulder.

Castiel smiled and blushed, he hadn't realized he'd blurted out such a thing. They'd only known each other a week but Dean seemed like the kind of guy that you held onto for as long as he would let you. He was special, not just a quick fling. He was true and honest. Castiel was sure it would work out. "Not in the least" Castiel smiled, walking with Dean back to the school. Castiel slung his arm over Dean like he had done earlier so he had an excuse to be near him and touch him but still get away with it. He looked over at Dean to see if it was working.

Dean gave Cas a sidelong grin when his arm went over his shoulder. It was nice. Even though Dean was a little taller than Cas, it still worked, and it was nice to switch things up so it didn't look like Dean was possessive over Cas or anything. They were just two friends walking to class together, one with his arm companionably around the other's shoulders. Dean still winked at freshmen girls who idolized him, and he smiled at some girls his own age. He high-fived some guys in his gym class, all the while with Castiel's arm casually over his shoulders. He reached his hand up behind Castiel's back to pat him a few times on the shoulder in a friendly way before they separated and walked into the French class.

Castiel watched as Dean greeted practically every person they met. He felt the need to grip his shoulder tighter, spin him around by his waist and push him into the lockers and claim him for everyone to see but he didn't. They couldn't. He reluctantly let go of Dean as they walked into class. Castiel sat at the back of class, dumping his bag on the desk and pulling out the homework assignment he'd forgotten to do. Thankfully it was a speaking so Castiel could just make it up on the spot. He'd been pre-occupied with Dean and his art, he hadn't had much time for anything else.

Dean followed Cas to the back of the room and sat in the desk in front of him like he'd taken to doing since they'd met. The only problem was that this way he wouldn't be able to look at him, but he guessed it would be better this way because otherwise Dean probably wouldn't be able to stop himself from staring longingly at Cas if he was sitting next to him. Dean turned around and looked at Castiel's homework out on his desk, and groaned. "Shit," he muttered, closing his eyes and pressing a hand against his forehead. "I totally forgot to do that."

"Same." Castiel blushed, it wasn't like him to forget stuff like this at all. He blamed Dean, he'd been distracting him lately. "You remember that song I taught you?" Castiel asked, trying to help Dean where he could. For Castiel this was no problem, he could easily come up with something this was like a second tongue to him but for Dean he knew he'd need some help.

Dean winced. "Kind of?" He said sheepishly. He'd known it when they were singing it but he wasn't sure he could remember it after everything that had happened since then. The teacher was sitting at her desk, taking her time getting ready for the class as usual, and the students were all talking amongst themselves. Dean didn't have the best grade in French, but he doubted he'd be able to make this assignment up right now before she noticed he hadn't done it. "Help me," he begged through clenched teeth. His eyes were wide and pleading.

Castiel nodded and quickly scribbled the song out on a piece of paper, under each line he wrote in red how the word should be pronounced. He handed it over to Dean and gave him a small smile. "You don't even have to sing it, just say it like a poem or something." he shrugged. There wasn't much else he could do right now. He made a note to help Dean out later but for this lesson there was little else he could do. "You'll be fine." he assured with a smile.

"Thanks, Cas, you're awesome." He took the paper and read it quickly. Castiel's rushed handwriting was messy and nearly illegible, and Dean found it endearing. Once he read it once, the song came back to him and he remembered. He patted Castiel's arm and met his eyes gratefully. "I owe you one," he said, intentionally not specifying what exactly he meant.

Castiel smiled and returned to quickly scribbling his own work down on a piece of paper. He decided to go with an extract from Shakespeare's play, Romeo and Juliet and translate it into French. It didn't take too long and it would be good enough, it's not like the teacher actually paid attention to what Castiel said anyway as long as it was good French she didn't care.

Dean grinned and turned back to face the front of the classroom, reading over Castiel's note a few times. He still wasn't great at French but he knew he could pronounce these words fine when he was singing. Talking shouldn't be too different. He mumbled the song under his breath and practiced how he was going to read it.

The teacher finally started the lesson and called Castiel up to start seeing as he went last last time. Perfect, he thought. He stood up and shuffled shyly to the front of the class. Last time he was up here only a few people were paying attention. Now practically everyone was, mostly the girls and that made Castiel blush slightly with embarrassment. He read aloud the extract with perfect pronunciation and a smooth, low accent that he remembered made Dean go crazy for. The thought made him smile and he finished his piece, the teacher looked vaugely interested as well as a few of the girls but Castiel wasn't looking. He was subtly watching Dean's reaction as he made his way back to his seat.

Dean noticed how the room went silent and all eyes turned to Castiel as he read his poem. It was amazing, before they'd met Cas had been insecure and silent, always wearing an oversize hoodie and messy hair, but now he was like a different person. He noticeably more confident and wasn't trying to disappear as much now, and that was partly Dean's doing for bringing him out into the light when they'd first met. Castiel was using that sexy, low voice that he knew Dean loved, and then the smug bastard had the nerve to _smile _at him! Dean's pants suddenly felt tight and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat and glared as Castiel walked back to his desk. When the next person got called up and the class was distracted for a moment, Dean turned around, leaned close to Cas and whispered, "You're gonna pay for that later, baby." He fully planned to get revenge on Cas for turning Dean on in school, and he already had a few ideas.

Castiel grinned, muffling a chuckle behind his hand. He knew how that would have effected Dean and he smiled at the fact that it had worked. He couldn't help but think of the ways Dean was going to punish him. Although the fact that Dean wasn't pushing him up against the desk and grinding against him right now seemed like punishment enough. And the endearment Dean had just called him went straight to his crotch. There was something about it that just turned him on. It sounded sexy. Castiel had never been talked to like that and he wished to investigate further.

Dean raised an eyebrow and turned back around to the front of the class with a small smile on his lips. He tried not to think about what exactly he wanted to do to Castiel, because if he thought to hard about that then a certain part of him was going to think too hard, and thus _become_ hard. He forced himself to pay attention to what the girl in the front of the class was saying, something about her family, from what Dean could tell. When it was Dean's turn to go up he stood up slowly and stretched his arms above his head, pretending to be casual and bored as he slowly walked up to the front of the room. When he'd stretched, his tee shirt had rucked up a little and he didn't bother fixing it. He turned around to face the class and gave the teacher a lazy smile before he quickly looked down at his paper and read the poem as smoothly as he could and hoped the teacher couldn't tell he'd cheated. When he was done, he received several surprised claps and cheers by the class, so he grinned proudly and made his way back to his desk. On his way back he pulled his shirt up a little in the front to reveal his stomach and pretended to be looking in his pocket for something, and then he sat down with a smug smile at Cas.

Castiel was really proud of Dean. He'd managed to say the majority of the poem right, certainly better than the thing he wrote about the horses. Castiel smiled fondly up at him when he returned to his seat only to narrow his eyes and pout when Dean's shirt rolled up. He did that on purpose. The idiot is trying to get his own back and if they kept up at this rate someone was bound to notice they weren't just doing these thing unintentionally. So Castiel kept his head down but wore a small smile. The rest of French was a drag and Castiel was just thankful when it was over. He packed up his stuff and headed for his locker to get his helmet. He didn't wait for Dean. He'd either follow or he'd meet him out by his car seeing as his bike was near by. At least this way it would look like they didn't have to be by each other's side every step of the way. Which, Castiel would have preferred but this way was safer.

Dean was glad that Castiel decided not to wait for him and they went their separate ways. It would help them look more like friends and less like boyfriends. He went to his locker and quickly stuffed his things into his backpack before heading out to the parking lot. Cas was already out there by the time Dean got there, and he was putting on his helmet and standing by his motorcycle. A small group of people, both girls and guys, were standing around looking at the bike and talking to Cas. The guys looked jealous and the girls looked impressed. Dean smiled slightly at the flustered look on Dean's face and walked up to him, holding his hand up for a bro-ish high five.

Castiel had managed to get his helmet but when he went out to his bike he saw a dew people admiring it. At first Castiel thought they were there to steal it but when he got there they started talking to him. Actually talking to him. It took Castiel a moment to register what was going on. They were being nice to him and complimenting his bike. He was polite enough but still felt too far out of his comfort zone. That's when Dean turned up and he mentally sighed in relief. He managed to high-five Dean just in time to make it look like something they did all the time but Castiel if he was honest hadn't high-fived someone since he was about six. The thought made him want to laugh. "Catch you later, dude." Castiel said, revving up the engine. Wow, because that wasn't lame. Catch you later,dude? Just what was he thinking? He was trying to act cool and ended up panicking and saying something totally stupid and not himself. Thankfully he was on a bike. A means of escape. He took the opportunity to just ride off and pretend that hadn't happened.

Dean tried not to laugh at Castiel's attempts to act cool and waved casually as he rode off. The few people that were there talked amongst themselves waved and then paired off, going separate directions. Dean went over to his car and drove home, determined to actually do his homework tonight. He went into his room and sat down at his desk like a good student and got started, not taking a break until he was completely caught up, even from all the classes he'd missed during the week.

Once Castiel was home he went up to his room and caught up with some of the assignments he'd missed having been too pre-occupied with Dean. French was a close call, it was just lucky he could wing it. The others he couldn't do that. He had to study. So he spent the rest of the evening catching up and getting ahead of his classes again until he realized what time it was and he collapsed in bed fast asleep. He awoke like any other morning, he showered, changed and had breakfast only this time with a slight spring in his step. Today was Wednesday. Tonight he was going to spend time with Dean. He got on his bike a rode to school.

The next morning when Dean arrived at school, he could barely contain his excitement at seeing Cas. He found him in the parking lot and went right up to him with a big smile on his face. "Happy Hump Day," he said. "Pun intended." He elbowed Cas in the ribs teasingly and pulled him into a playful headlock, careful not to actually hurt him.

Castiel blushed deeply, certainly not ready for what just came out of Dean's mouth. He managed to get out of Dean's headlock, pushing him away playfully. "And a good morning to you too." he chuckled. He picked his helmet off of the seat of his bike and walked into school with Dean by his side. "Good night?" he queried seeing as they hadn't phoned or even text each other.

Dean grinned and shifted his backpack more comfortably on his shoulder. He shrugged. "Meh. Homework." He turned to Cas and leaned a little closer to murmur teasingly in his ear so the other people in the hall wouldn't hear him. "Would've been much more enjoyable if you were there." He backed away and looked down the hallway, grinning easily at some people he knew.

Castiel bit his lip and his fingers gripped tighter on the helmet for good measure. A few people smiled at him and he smiled back. He put his helmet in his locker and leant against it casually, shoving his hand in his pockets and looking over at Dean. "I want to study your shoulderblades, I think it'll work with the wings I can blend the two together." he mused aloud but not above a quiet murmur.

Dean raised his eyebrows at the random statement, but he had to admit he liked the sound of it. "What, right now? I have a free period…" He offered with a small smile. "If anyone asks you can just say you needed a model and I was the only person you knew well enough to ask, and I happened to have a free period so it was convenient,"

Castiel blinked and turned a bit red. "I meant tonight." He hadn't thought of painting Dean in school, someone walking in on that would find it weird. Even if Castiel was painting a girl people would still talk. "You said you'd help me out, remember?" he said, hoping Dean hadn't changed his mind. He'd meant every word that he'd said on Monday in the art room.

Dean blushed and smiled sheepishly. "Oh, right. Sorry, just got a bit excited." He grabbed Castiel's shoulder and tugged him away from the locker into the flow of traffic, keeping his hand on Castiel's shoulder as they walked down the hallway. "I'm really looking forward to it, Cas." He said with an excited smile. It was finally Wednesday, all they had to do was get through the day and then they could be alone together. "But I still do have a free period…" he hinted, even though he knew it was highly unlikely that Cas would sneak away from whatever class he had to be with him for a few minutes, but Dean had done some thinking and had come up with a few places in the school nobody knew about where they could go and not be found, even though it was pointless. It still wasn't safe.

Castiel was worried when Dean grabbed his shoulders but no one really took any notice for which he was glad. He wondered were Dean was taking him until he spoke and hinted about being free. He looked up at him worryingly. He couldn't be serious. After the talk they'd had yesterday how could he think this was a good idea. No, he couldn't. They'd see each other tonight. Dean could wait, surely. Okay, he couldn't but he wasn't about to risk a few minutes kissing for their relationship. He brushed Dean's hands away and started walking in the other direction. "I'll see you at lunch, okay?" he smiled before walking off to class.

Dean sighed in mock exasperation. "Just thought I'd ask. You know, just in case. See you later," He smiled fondly and lightly shoved Castiel's shoulder as he walked away. Damn, Dean was really in love with him. He'd known Cas was going to say no, and when Dean thought about it, it really was a bad idea. It appeared that Dean was having a hard time controlling his sexual desire towards Cas. It wasn't fair, his boyfriend seemed so much more in control of himself than Dean did, and Dean made a mental to be more careful in the future. He wandered down the hall and went outside for his free period, not really knowing how he was going to spend it. He opted for listening to his iPod and laying on the grass in the warm sun. Some of the songs from the prom playlist came on, and they made Dean smile as he remembered how they'd danced together and kissed for the first time.

Castiel spent first period in English. English just so happened to have a nice view of the sunny day outside. It wasn't until Castiel looked closely did he see Dean just lying there without a care in the world. Castiel ran a hand over his face, it was bad enough he had a lesson but to taunt him with what he could be having right now was just plain unfair. He kept his head down, ignoring the beautiful boy sat outside and focused on his studies. He did the same with Math and Art and finally it was lunch and Castiel practically skipped to the tree.

Dean woke up with a start when the bell rang and he sat up quickly and looked around in confusion. He didn't remember going to sleep. His iPod was still playing, but the volume wasn't very loud. He checked the time in panic, scared that he'd accidentally slept through his classes, but was relieved when he realized it was only second period. He stood up, stretched, and brushed grass off his clothes before walking back inside to go to his second class. He had English and then Math, which were dull and repetitive as usual, and finally lunch came and he went to the tree, smiling when he saw that Cas was already there. "Hey, Cas." He said as he sat down with a little wince. His back was sore from sleeping on the uneven ground outside.

Castiel smiled, "Hello Dean." He sat cross legged on the floor and leant against the tree. He sighed when time seemed to stop and just let him relax. He couldn't wait for school to finish. He wanted to get home so he and Dean could be alone. It didn't even have to be a sexual thing, just time alone where they could be themselves more comfortably."I saw you having fun without me earlier" he teased.

Dean tilted his head slightly and frowned in confusion. "Huh?" He asked stupidly. He tried to think of something fun he'd done earlier and how Cas could have seen that. He shrugged helplessly and shook his head, raising his eyebrows. "I have no idea what you're referring you," he said.

"When you had a free period. I could see you sitting in the grass from my window." Castiel said, smiling at how peaceful Dean had looked. "Wish I had come with you now." he muttered, sighing at how it wasn't fair that they couldn't lie together on the grass and look up at the clouds together.

Dean blushed. "Oh. Yeah, I kinda went to sleep by accident. That's embarrassing… I probably should've gone somewhere away from classroom windows," He laughed a little and leaned back comfortably on his hands, legs sprawled out in front of him. "It wasn't really that much fun. Besides, you had actual work to do. That's more important than laying on the ground outside like a moron." He thought it would've been nice if Cas had just gone outside and sat with him for a while, but it would attract too much attention if he did.

Castiel sighed, "I thought you looked cute. I just wanted to curl up with you and watch the sky" He blushed deeply realizing how stupid it sounded out loud. "I guess we can do that tonight." he smiled softly, stretching his arms and using the excuse to brush against Dean.

Dean smiled and subtly leaned into the light touch of Castiel's arm as the other boy stretched, realizing how much he'd been craving even a simple touch like this all day. "You think I'm cute?" He teased, nudging Castiel's knee with his foot. "That does sound nice, though. And yeah, we can do that tonight after you're done painting me." Dean was really excited about tonight, but he was just a little bit nervous as well. He'd never actually posed as a model for anything, not even in fifth grade art class when they'd been practicing figure drawing and taking turns being models in front of the class.

Castiel blushed, he thought Dean was beautiful. That's why tonight was going to be so good. Castiel wanted to show Dean how he saw him. Obviously he couldn't paint him to make it look like him, i.e the face but enough to show him how beautiful he was and how Castiel wanted to worship his body and soul. Of course, that bit he would do off the canvas. Maybe when he was older and out of school he could paint Dean properly, but right now he'd do it in his own subtle way.

Dean tapped his foot against Castiel's knee again and then flipped over so he was lying on his front, using his elbows to support himself and he turned his head to the side to look at his boyfriend. He still got all excited when he thought of Castiel as his boyfriend. "So how long can I stay at your house?" Dean didn't know much about Castiel's family, and he had no idea how far away the prison was and how long the rest of them would be staying, so he thought it couldn't hurt to ask.

Castiel looked down at Dean smiling, he was so beautiful. "They don't come home until ten, so better call it eight or nine at the latest just to be sure." he said with a nod. Lucifer's prison was about an hours drive away and they'd always stop for food on the way home so they usually just made a night of it and leave Castiel to his own accord.

"Okay. Want me to come over right after school, then?" Dean smiled up at Cas. The day was halfway over, and he could hardly wait to be alone with Cas again. Dean was longing to touch him, and not even in a sexy way necessarily. Dean would be content just holding his hand.

Castiel shook his head. "I'll text you when they leave. Seeing as my brothers have to go home from school first they'll still be around." he shrugged. It was annoying really. He just wished he could put Dean on the back of his motorcycle and ride home together. But nothing was ever the simple.

"Ah. right." Dean nodded and closed his eyes contentedly and put his hands flat on the grass, lowering himself to rest his cheek on his hands and lay down flat. "What should I wear? Anything in particular?" He grinned, eyes still closed as he teased, "A dress maybe? Or a huge blue diamond heart necklace and nothing else?" Why couldn't he stop with the Titanic references?

Castiel snorted out a laugh, resisting the urge to reach out and put his hand in Dean's hair. "If you can help it, I'd rather you didn't wear anything at all." he purred close to Dean's ear before leaning back against the tree and smiling smugly to himself.

Dean blushed and almost choked on his own spit, poking Castiel in the side with one finger. "That can be arranged," he answered. He figured that was more for Castiel's enjoyment than his own, so he added with a playful smirk, "Only if you don't wear anything, either. If there's one thing I hate, it's showing up underdressed."

Castiel batted Dean's hand away playfully, giggling quietly. "You drive a hard bargain, Mr Winchester." Castiel pouted, pretending to be annoyed. "But I accept your terms." he said, chuckling at how much of a moron he sounded before blushing deeply.

"Good." Dean replied smugly, the image in his mind both funny and sexy. Dean posing naked while Castiel, also naked, painted him. Something like that could only lead to one thing, and they both knew it. "Looking forward to it, baby." He murmured in a low, sexy voice, giving Cas his best bedroom eyes and licking his lower lip.

Castiel bit his lip and turned his head away from Dean. He was blushing deeply and grinning over such a simple thing. Baby. That's what he'd called him and Castiel wanted him to say it again and again. It made him feel warm and special. He was Dean's. That's what that meant. He couldn't stop smiling. He loved the endearment. "Me too." he smiled, letting his fingers brush over Dean's spread out hand just slightly.

Dean smiled and looked at Cas for a moment, but then he had to hide his face in the crook of his elbow to hide his ridiculous grin and blush. He curled his fingers a little, just enough to encourage Cas to slide his own fingers between them and intertwine their hands, only a little bit. There was nobody nearby and their hands were hidden between them on the ground, they could do this. Just this one little gesture of affection when they'd been denied everything else. To everyone who happened to glance in their direction, they just looked like two bored friends hanging out lazily by a tree, taking a break from school.

Castiel looked down a smiled fondly, pushing this fingers a little closer to Dean's so they were entwined loosely. It felt nice, to just sit by the tree and hold hands. It would even be perfect if they didn't have to constantly look over their shoulder to make sure no one was looking but considering the circumstances, this was nice. The school bell went and Castiel groaned, smacking his head back against the tree. He sighed, standing up and smiling down at Dean. "Just an hour of hell left."

Dean rolled his eyes and reluctantly stood up. "I just wanna get out of here," he muttered, shoulders slumped in annoyance that they had to go back into school. He gave Cas a small knowing smile and they began walking into school. Dean knew this last bit of the day was going to drag. He just wanted to go home and wait for Castiel's text messsage that would tell him when it was safe to go to his house.

Castiel grinned, looking up at Dean. "Totally, it's such a drag." he said, mentally cringing. He was going to say something else but someone walked past as they neared the school and Castiel panicked. It was like yesterday too. He just couldn't talk properly in front of people. It was beginning to become a problem. He looked up at Dean apologetically hoping he didn't laugh at him too much.

Dean looked at him strangely. It was like Cas was trying too hard to be cool, and it wasn't working very well. It was too fake. It wasn't _him. _He didn't exactly want to mention it because it would embarrass Cas, but he just wanted to help him out. He leaned closer to his ear and murmured, "No offense, but you sound like a dork. Just be yourself. Where's the Cas I know and love?" He smiled reassuringly and put his arm around Castiel's shoulders to soften his words, hoping Cas wouldn't be mad at him for what he'd just said. He was only trying to be helpful.

"He's waiting for the ground to swallow him whole." he muttered, looking down at his shoes as they walked. He looked back up at Dean feeling really foolish. "Sorry, I panicked." he smiled half-heartedly. He slipped out of Dean's hold easily and walked into art without looking back. He couldn't look at Dean right now, he felt stupid enough without seeing the look on Dean's face that confirmed it.

Dean let out a tense breath when Cas disappeared into the art room. He stood outside the doorway helplessly, trying to decide whether or not it would be a good idea to go after him. He just decided not to. There was only one class left in the day, he could always talk to Cas tonight. And he didn't want to embarrass him further by going into the art room and dragging him out in the hallway to tell him he loved Castiel and he wouldn't want him any other way, and tell him that he didn't want Castiel to try to change to impress people because he was amazing and beautiful and everything Dean wanted, why couldn't he see that? Dean sighed and backed away from the art room slowly, blending into the flow of people in the hallway. He would tell Castiel all those things tonight.

Art was slow and all Castiel wanted to do was turn back and find Dean and hug him and tell him he didn't want to be like that. He wasn't like that. He'd just panicked about somebody finding out so he over-compensated. Art did give him a chance to sort out what he was going to do with Dean. He'd sorted out the basic concept designs for his angels. All he needed now was Dean as a template to draw and paint in where the light would hit the skin and how the torso would look ect. Of course he'd make it so it didn't look too much like Dean but he'd be a helpful visual guide. Plus he got to touch him in the process. Which would be a bonus. He took enough paper and rolled it up when the bell went and headed out to his bike, passing his locker on the way to pick up his helmet.

Dean was already outside leaning against his car when he saw Cas walking out of the school carrying paper and his helmet. Dean pushed himself off the hood of the car and wandered over to Castiel's bike to meet him. "Hey," he said, tentatively. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and kept his head down, peering up at Cas curiously. He had no idea if Cas was mad at him for what he'd said, but he knew he kinda deserved it.

Castiel put the paper in the compartment under the seat and smiled at Dean. "I'm sorry about earlier." he started, not looking at Dean. He was too embarrassed. "When that girl walked past, I-I just panicked." He put his swung a leg over the bike to sit on it casually before finally looking up at Dean. "You'll still come tonight, right?" he asked uncertain, biting his lip.

Dean shrugged, brushing it off. "It's fine, Cas. You don't need to act like that, you're awesome. Just… don't change yourself to impress people, okay?" He smiled in understanding, hoping Cas wouldn't be offended. "I love you," he said in a firm but quiet voice so nobody else would overhear. "Please don't ever change." They gazed at each other for a moment before Dean replied to Castiel's second comment. He grinned lewdly. "And I fully intend to come tonight, if you know what I'm saying." He joked, nudging Castiel with his elbow several times and winking exaggeratedly. It was such a lame, overused joke, but he hoped it was stupid enough to make Castiel laugh.

Castiel blushed putting on his helmet to hide his enormous grin. Dean was so considerate and kind, he wanted Castiel to be himself. He loved Castiel not someone he tried to be and that's why Castiel loved Dean because he excepted him for him. He giggled, batting Dean's arm away. "You're a pig." he chuckled, meaning it half-heartedly. He bit his lip, looking around before saying "But I love you nonetheless" He started the engine and pulled away a little, giving Dean a shy smile before riding off home.

The fact that Dean was about to lean forward and kiss Castiel scared him. He mentally slapped himself for almost letting it slip, but it felt so natural to do. He wondered how long it was going to be before one of them lost control and did something that would reveal them, and Dean had a sinking feeling that it would most likely be him. He would really have to stay focus and not let himself get distracted. He grinned and made shooing motions as Castiel hesitated before riding away, but then he turned around and let out a shaky breath, running his hands through his hair. He'd been about to kiss Castiel. In the school parking lot. He was so glad he'd caught himself, because if he hadn't then it would be really, really bad. He walked shakily over to his car and drove home.

Castiel went home and hid in his room. Like every other Lucifer day, his brothers would come home from school, his parents would come home early from work and they'd bundle in the car to go visit Lucifer. Sometimes Michael would text him to see if he was alright. Once, his family left and he'd watched them pull away. He took out his phone and texted Dean. 'Coast is clear.' He shook his head and deleted the message and tried something else. 'Baby's waiting.' He bit his lip and laughed a little. That was silly. He deleted the message and just put 'The coast is clear.' instead, being himself. His boring, uninteresting self. He pressed send and began setting up his papers and paints.

Dean had barely been home for 10 minutes when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He fumbled for it quickly and read the text message from Cas, and typed quickly, "ok i will b rightn ther" and hit sent without bothering to fix the typos. Nobody was home yet, so Dean scribbled a quick note on a paper plate and left it on the table. "at a friend's house. be back around 8. Dean" And then he slammed open the door, locked it clumsily, and practically jumped into his car. He was really excited, but he forced himself not to drive the speed limit to Castiel's house.

Castiel's phone buzzed and laughed at Dean's message. He must have been as eager as he was if he was incapable of typing properly. He finished setting up his stuff and took Amber downstairs and fed her some chicken left overs and gave her some water. She purred happily and Castiel paced the hallway floor, waiting keenly by the door and waited for Dean.

Dean pulled over on the side of the road, in an area that was shaded by low-hanging trees and where there were three other cars parallel parked, and called Cas. "Hey, I'm on your street but I'm a few houses down, by the trees and some other cars. I didn't want to pull into your driveway just in case your neighbors saw." Dean didn't know how well Castiel's family got along with their neighbors, but he didn't want some gossipy old lady across the street saying, 'Who was that mysterious boy going into your house when you were out?' It would cause a neighborhood scandal and Cas would get in trouble. Dean got out of the car and walked down the street, still holding the phone to his ear. He looked around subtly, hoping nobody would give him a second glance. There were some kids playing outside in front of one of the houses.

Castiel picked up his phone with a panic, he thought Dean had changed his mind and was phoning to cancel. He let out a breath in relief. "Just come round the side, I'll let you in through the back." Castiel answered with a small smile. He was glad to see Dean thinking about the consequences if anyone saw him. Unlike earlier when it had looked like he was going to kiss him in the parking lot. At school of all places. He opened the door for Dean and practically pulled him inside by his shirt and pressed him against the door as he shut it. He kissed him firmly, melting into Dean before pulling away and grinning widely. "Hi." he smiled sheepishly.

Dean let out a startled noise when Castiel grabbed his shirt, and he almost lost his balance when Cas pulled him inside and then shut the door, but the noise was muffled against Castiel's mouth when Dean was suddenly slammed against the closed door and kissed senseless. It didn't last long before Cas pulled back. "That was unexpected," Dean said breathlessly when he recovered enough, a huge smile on his face. It was nice to be able to do this again, even though it really hadn't been that long since the last time. Also, it was surprisingly hot when Castiel shoved him up against the door.

"But good?" he said, raising an eyebrow. He bit his lip as he smiled, entwining his hand with Dean and leading him up to his room. Amber seemed content on annoying Castiel and walking alongside him as he tried to get up the stairs so every time he took a step she'd be in front of him ready to trip him up. Castiel growled and let go off Dean's hand reluctantly so he could pick up Amber and actually get up the stairs. Once in his bedroom he put Amber down and she curled up in her bed. Castiel moved back to Dean, wrapping his arms around the other's neck and smiling at him softly.

"_Very _good." Dean replied, returning Castiel's smile as their hands laced together and Dean followed him up the stairs, his body tingling with excitement and anticipation, the memory of Castiel's lips hot on his. He licked his lips and found he could taste Castiel on them, and he shivered in pleasure, his smile widening. Dean laughed at Castiel's frustration with his cat. When Cas wasn't looking, he mouthed, _you're gonna have to share him now, whiskers_ at Amber and narrowed his eyes challengingly. She looked unimpressed and smug in Castiel's arms, and Dean was taken aback. Was he seriously feeling jealous of a cat? He shook his head at himself in disbelief and returned his attention to Cas. They had gotten into his room now, and Castiel closed the door behind them after he set Amber down and then put his arms around Dean's neck. Dean smiled down at him, wrapping his arms loosely around Castiel's waist and kissing him lightly on the forehead with a happy sigh.

Castiel hummed, "I've missed this." He leant into Dean, resting his head against his shoulder and pressing a gentle kiss to his neck. Dean was warm and completely huggable. He inhaled deeply, taking in the smell of Dean that made his whole body relax. He slowly pulled himself away, kissing Dean softly as he did so. He smiled shyly and started undoing the buttons on Dean's shirt, running his hands lightly over the skin and kissing his lips gently as he pushed the shirt off Dean's shoulders and onto the floor. "I have to let go of you now." Castiel sighed, gesturing to his paints.

Dean closed his eyes and smiled, holding Castiel while he could. "Me too," he murmured. Dean shivered as he watched Castiel unbutton his shirt, kissing him several more times in the process. Castiel's hands skimmed over his skin in light, teasing touches. Once the shirt was off Dean kicked it aside and looked at Cas, nodding and looking around uncertainly, not sure where he should go or what position he should be in. Dean's immature sense of humor wouldn't let him do this without making at least one Titanic reference. "How do you want me?" he asked in a Kate Winslet voice, striking a seductive pose and blinking slowly at Cas.

Castiel chuckled, "If only." He looked Dean up and down just wishing he could paint him like that. He was so beautiful. He sat Dean down on the bed to sit cross legged, facing the wall so his back was all Castiel would be able to see. He kissed Dean's neck. "I'll be quick." he promised, not wanting Dean to be facing away from him for long. He set to work and took out a long, thin strip of paper and clipped it to his drawing board. He sat on a chair in front of Dean and sketched out Dean's figure sitting cross legged with his head dipped forward slightly in the centre of the paper. Then he added the structure for the wings which would form from the contures of Dean's shoulder blades. This took about twenty minutes and he spent an extra five minutes marking out with white and black pencils were the shadows and light would go so he could paint it in his own time. When he was happy enough with the template he put his work down and came and sat by Dean on the bed, entwining their hands. "How's my Rose?" he teased.

"My foot fell asleep. The next part better be fun," he grumbled half-heartedly, leaning into Cas and tilting his face up for a kiss, sliding his free hand across Castiel's stomach. He kissed Castiel slowly, moving around so he was facing him more, and just barely resisted the urge to push him down on the bed, straddle his waist, and explore his body.

"I'm sorry." Castiel murmured when they broke apart for air. He laced his fingers around the loops in Dean's pants and pulled him forward as he kissed him passionately, running one hand into his hair as he moved himself so he straddled Dean without touching him. Just hovering above his lap. "I just need one more then I'm all yours." he purred, running his hand tentatively down Dean's thigh.

"Mmm." Dean hummed, closing his eyes as Castiel leaned in to kiss him again, open mouthed, and he whined when Castiel straddled him without actually touching him, and Dean tried not to buck his hips up or pull Castiel down, because if they did then Castiel's art would never get done. The space between their bodies was hot, and Dean nodded when Castiel spoke. "Okay," he breathed. "Do I get to watch you this time?"

Castiel nodded, sucking on Dean's lower lip and dragging it with his teeth gently before moving away. He bit his lip as he brought his paper and came and sat at the foot of the bed by Dean's feet. He got Dean to lean against the back wall, look directly at Castiel and tilting his head up slightly to lean back against the wall, exposing his neck. Castiel, again, drew the basic template. Adding in the wings which curled around the body, hiding the face and giving just the glimpse of body beneath. He made quick work of adding the lighting before placing it down on the floor with the other drawing and crawling up to Dean to kiss and lick at his neck in praise for staying still for so long.


	8. Chapter 8

Dean smiled softly as Cas moved him around again until he was in a position he liked, and then settled down on the foot of the bed to draw him. Dean watched Castiel's face as he studied Dean's body, and resisted the urge to shiver under Castiel's intense concentration. Dean noticed the way Castiel sometimes bit his lip or stuck out the tip of his tongue, and the way his brow was furrowed as he bent over the paper and sketched light lines on the paper. The drawing board was angled in such a way that Dean couldn't see it. When Cas was done, he put the paper down and crawled up the bed, settling between Dean's legs as he kissed his neck. Dean hummed softly and pulled him closer, tugging up Castiel's tee shirt in the back so he could touch his skin.

Castiel moaned softly, finally feeling Dean's hand touch his skin. He pulled back a little, slowly shrugging off his tee shirt, grinning as he did so and dropping the unwanted garment to the floor. Castiel scooted close and resumed to pressing his lips to Dean's neck, tensing when he saw his top move across the floor before giggling as he realized he'd dropped his top on Amber.

Dean smiled and ran his hands down Castiel's chest and stomach, all the way down his body until he reached Castiel's jeans, and he lightly ghosted a hand over Castiel's crotch. Dean gasped and his mouth dropped open as Castiel moved close and writhed on top of him, hands everywhere and mouth hot on his neck, making little moaning noises against his skin that made Dean squirm with desire. He smirked when he saw that Castiel's shirt had landed on Amber. Castiel had chosen him over the cat this time. And Dean really needed to stop thinking this ridiculous thoughts. He laughed into Castiel's neck, tossing his head back in ecstasy. Castiel's tongue was doing amazing things.

Castiel bit back a moan when Dean brushed his hand against his crotch. Just the slightest of touches was putting Castiel on high alert and sending him into bliss. He could feel his pants growing tighter as his breathing came in faster and shallower breaths. He sucked down on Dean's Adam's apple gently, trailing his tongue up to his chin and kissing along his jaw before claiming his lips again. He laced one of Dean's hands in his and held it above Dean against the wall, pinning him in place as he slowly moved his hips against Dean's moaning softly.

Dean moaned when Castiel moved his hips, tortuously slow, and Dean was instantly hard as a rock. The friction was amazing, and Dean matched Castiel's sluggish pace. He could feel Castiel's erection against his, and Dean's entire body was on fire. He put his hand between them and slowly pressed his palm against Castiel's pants, and slid his hand up and down in time with Castiel's thrusts, wanting to make him moan again. One of Dean's hands was pinned against the wall, and he growled, prying it away from Castiel's grip so he could use both hands to make Cas feel good. Also because he needed to be in control in some sense, no matter how much the fact that Castiel could hold him down turned him on. He used his now-free hand to tug on Castiel's hair, because he knew how much the other boy liked that.

Dean's hand went to Castiel's crotch and all Castiel could do was take it. His head fell forward, his forehead pressed against Dean's as he moved his hips into Dean's hand, moaning at the touch. Then when Dean's hand tugged at his hair he had to bit his lip from moaning too loudly. He did have neighbours after all. He gasped and panted into Dean's mouth, still moving against the other's hand. He pressed his nose into Dean's neck as he struggled for breath, he slid his own hand down to Dean's pants and mimicked Dean's action.

Dean grinned at Castiel's reaction and pulled his hair roughly so Castiel's head tilted back and Dean's mouth was at Castiel's ear. "You like that, baby?" He murmured in a low voice, continuing to stroke Castiel teasingly through his jeans and kept his fingers tangled tight in Castiel's hair. He licked the shell of Castiel's ear and then took his earlobe into his mouth and sucked on it playfully. When he pulled away, he bit down slightly on his earlobe and dragged his teeth over it until he reached the end, and then tilted Castiel's head to the side a little and trailed his mouth lightly down Castiel's neck, tasting his skin and leaving a path of kisses down his jaw and throat. When he reached Castiel's collarbone he bit the skin there like he had last time and then licked all the way up Castiel's neck until their lips met again. Suddenly, Castiel's hand was on Dean's crotch, and Dean saw stars. "Fuck," he gasped, hips bucking desperately. They needed to get naked _now._

"Yes" Castiel moaned, there was that word again. It sent arousal to ripple through his body, causing his pants to become painfully tight. He groaned and shivered under Dean's touch. He closed his eyes and tried to think of something else as he felt himself get too wound up too soon. He stood up fairly quickly, giving some room between the two of them so Castiel could calm down whilst taking the opportunity to take off his pants and boxers. He blushed deeply as he timidly crawled back over Dean. "You shouldn't have worried about being under-dressed. Being over-dressed seems to be more of an issue for you Dean." Castiel muttered, fiddling with the other's pants and pulling them away as well as his boxers. "Parfait." he breathed, reaching up to kiss Dean again.

Dean whined in confusion as Castiel suddenly pulled away and got off the bed, his body feeling the loss of contact like a chill. He was about to growl at Cas to _get back here right the fuck now _but he realized Castiel was undressing. He systematically removed his pants and underwear, and Dean watched him eagerly, moaning when he saw Castiel's completely naked body and he pressed the heel of his hand into his own crotch, needing more friction and contact. He groaned in relief when Cas crawled back up the bed to him, blushing deeply, and Dean found it adorable. Castiel was concentrating on Dean's fly, and when he got it open he started to yank his pants down. "Well, I couldn't just show up naked." Dean scoffed sarcastically as he wriggled out of his pants and kicked them away with frustration. Once his legs were free and Castiel started to move up to kiss him, he put both of his hands in Castiel's hair, more gently this time, and pulled him up for a kiss. This time he paused to just look at his boyfriend. "You're gorgeous," Dean whispered in awe, looking into Castiel's dark, aroused eyes, his lips which were swollen red and wet with kisses, parted a little as he panted softly, his messy black hair, the smooth angular planes of his face and the lines in his neck and shoulders, and Dean couldn't believe how lucky he was that Castiel was all _his. _He kissed him slowly, and then flipped them over so Castiel was lying on his back with Dean straddling him and supporting himself with a hand on the mattress on either side.

Castiel gasped as Dean flipped them over and reached out to Dean's hair, pulling him down into a tender kiss. He closed his eyes, the room spinning a little as everything around him became Dean. His pillows still carrying his scent, and wrapping around him with Dean above him. He was in heaven. This boy. This beautiful boy was his. Just his. He was allowed to call him his boyfriend. He could touch and kiss him without asking because Dean would let him. He let Castiel in, in a way he had no one else and Castiel had never felt more loved or admired. He stroked Dean's cheek tentatively, feeling like he was standing under a spotlight the way Dean looked at him. It made him shiver with anticipation. "Dean, I need you." he whispered, wrapping his arms loosely around Dean's hips and pulling him closer. Letting out a low moan as Dean rubbed up against his thigh.

Dean hovered over Castiel and placed his hand over Castiel's heart. "Your heart's pounding," he breathed in amazement, feeling the rapid rhythm of his boyfriend's heart beating steadily against his palm. He placed his lips over it and kissed him gently there, then moved his mouth to Castiel's hard nipple and closed his lips over it, swirling his tongue in a circle and sucking and nibbling. He loved the moans Castiel was making. Castiel's hands were gripping his hips and Dean looked up and watched as Castiel's body arched into him and he threw his head back, an expression of pure ecstasy on his face. Dean kissed his way down Castiel's body until his lips were at Castiel's right hipbone. He loved Castiel's hips. He kissed it and traced his tongue along the bone. Castiel's erection was right next to his face and Dean shivered in anticipation before moving to the other hip.

Castiel was breathing heavily, his chest moving up and down quickly. He placed his hand over Dean's and watched as his boyfriend moved down his body. His mouth exploring his body and Castiel moaned at the touch, arching off the mattress and up into Dean's touch. Dean's mouth was down by his hips and Castiel had to focus on his breathing. He had to stop himself from bucking his hips up and watched as Dean licked at the skin teasingly. "Please.." Castiel breathed, running his hand over his face, not able to look anymore. The sight was sending his excitement into overdrive and he needed to gain control..at least a bit. He needed Dean to do something, anything just touch him.

Dean grinned against Castiel's skin, amused at his begging. It was thrilling how he could get Cas to do that. Dean eyed Castiel's penis, the sight making him moan softly, and brought a hand up to stroke his fingers over it tentatively, wanting to see how Castiel would react before trying anything else. He'd never done this before, but he figured he should learn what Cas liked for future reference. "Tell me what feels good," Dean breathed, touching Castiel experimentally, gaining confidence with each moan and gasp Castiel made. He took Castiel in his hand and squeezed lightly, running his grip up and down the shaft the way he liked it when he touched himself. It was unfamiliar doing this to another guy but Dean just decided he needed a lot of practice. He smiled to himself at that thought.

Castiel bit down on his lip as he moaned helplessly beneath Dean. His hand around his length sent his hips bucking up into Dean's hand. He wrapped his hand loosely around Dean's and guided him to touch him how he liked it. Slowly but firmly, working up and down his shaft. He cried out breathlessly, the heat becoming too much as he groaned out what sounded like Dean's name.

Dean was relieved when Castiel began guiding him, because he was scared he was doing it wrong. Castiel was obviously enjoying this a lot, but Dean wasn't finished yet. He placed his lips on the head and tentatively darted his tongue out as he continued stroking Castiel's length as Castiel rolled his hips up into Dean in time with his strokes. Dean took a deep breath, feeling a little nervous at what he was about to do, and then slowly took Castiel into his mouth. He was hot, hard and heavy and the taste was incredibly unfamiliar and strange, but not unpleasant. Dean didn't know what to do, he'd only gotten a blowjob a few times and he had absolutely no experience in giving them, so he began sucking on the head of Castiel's penis along with the rhythmic strokes of his hand. It was funny; the last thing Dean had ever expected to do in life was have another guy's dick in his mouth.

Castiel moaned and his body tensed as Dean took him uncertainly into his mouth. His hot breath tingling against his skin. Castiel laced a hand into Dean's hair. He didn't push Dean forward or back he just let his hand grip at his hair loosely as an encouragement to keep doing what he was doing. His tongue was doing things that made Castiel go wild. He tried his best not to buck his hips and let Dean set the pace. It was clear he was nervous but so was Castiel, he'd never done anything like this before and the thought of trying it with Dean was the only thing that was keeping him in place and not running away and hiding. "So good." he panted, caressing Dean's hair.

Dean looked up at Castiel through his lashes, smiling around Castiel's length. Castiel's moaning and and his hand in Dean's hair was reassuring and Dean gained confidence, taking Castiel deeper into his mouth and sliding his lips up and down as his hand stayed around the base and continued pumping, keeping the pace slow and steady. He slid his lips down, then drew back and swirled his tongue in a circle, then went back down and continued the pattern, drawing a moan out of Castiel every time that encouraged Dean even more. He was careful of his teeth, not wanting to scrape them along the overly-sensitive skin. He began to enjoy himself more and more as he got more comfortable with it, and Castiel was a moaning, squirming mess underneath him, and the most beautiful thing Dean had ever seen.

Castiel moaned breathlessly as Dean took him deeper. His mouth hot and wet around his length. Castiel's grip tightened in his hair as he felt the arousal build up in the pit of his stomach begging for release. "Dean.." he panted, pulling the other away slightly. He didn't want to come in his mouth. He pulled Dean back up to kiss him, moaning slightly as he tasted himself in the other's mouth. He reached down a hand to touch Dean, wrapping his fingers around his penis and stroking tentatively. He watched Dean carefully, drawing out every moan for the other that he could.

Dean kissed him hungrily. He could sense that Castiel was close, and he wasn't sure he was ready for a mouthful of Castiel's come. He'd work up to that. He wanted to thrust his hips against Castiel's, but instead Cas wrapped a hand around him and that was so much more intense. Dean closed his eyes and tilted his head forward as his back arched and he rolled his hips into Castiel's hand desperately. "Oh, fuck!" Dean exclaimed breathlessly into Castiel's shoulder. The bed creaked slightly with their rocking movements, and Dean was going to lose control. He fumbled a hand down and continued touching Castiel, not wanting to leave him aching and desperate. He wanted to give Castiel release.

Castiel moaned breathlessly as Dean wrapped his hand around Castiel's length. Both of them rolling their hips desperately as they touched each other. Castiel moaning and feeling himself close to the edge, arched of the bed and into Dean's hand. White light burning behind his eyes as ripples of pleasure flowed through his body. He cried out in pleasure as he rode his orgasm, still stroking Dean as he bucked up into Dean's hand moaning out Dean's name.

"God, Cas…" Dean moaned in a hoarse voice as the pace got more frantic and their motions got sloppy. He bit down on Castiel's shoulder and breathed in shuddery, uneven gasps as he neared the edge. Castiel cried out loudly and shook in pleasure as he climaxed, and Dean followed shortly after, crying out Cas' name as the pleasure spiked and hot electricity burned through his whole body in the most intense orgasm he'd ever experienced. He collapsed against Cas after the daze began ebbing away, leaving Dean satisfied and exhausted.

Castiel found himself again a few minutes later, his breath just about normalized and his heart rate almost average. He carefully lifted up and off of Dean going into the bathroom and coming back with a cloth to clean them up. He sat back down and kissed Dean's forehead, stroking his hair tenderly and humming softly to a French tune long forgotten. This was nice, being with his boyfriend. Both spent and warm in each other's arms. "I love you, Dean." he crooned, nuzzling against his neck.

Dean wrapped his shaky arms around Cas and pulled him down so they were lying facing each other. "I love you too," He said softly with a smile, nudging his nose against Castiel's ear. His body was warm, but the sweat cooling on his skin made him shiver and he snuggled closer to Castiel. "Can we get under the covers?" He asked in a murmur against Castiel's warm ear. Dean wanted nothing more than to just lie in bed and hold Cas close.

Castiel nodded and moved them so the covers covered just under their shoulders. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean and held him close, sighing in content. He checked his phone for the time. They still had an hour. As long as Castiel stayed awake, they'd be fine. He sighed a little, annoyed that Dean would have to leave soon. It wasn't fair but it was necessary he guessed. He kissed Dean soft and slowly, savouring every moment.

Dean sighed happily and stretched his tired body before wrapping himself around Cas again. Castiel's scent surrounded him, his presence filling all of Dean's senses, and Dean was overwhelmed with love for him. They kissed slowly and gently, just enjoying each other's presence. Dean closed his eyes and lightly stroked Castiel's hair as they kissed. Dean moved his lips to Castiel's cheek. "I wish I could stay here all night," he said softly against Castiel's warm skin.

"Me too." he sighed sadly. "But I doubt my brothers would exactly ask you down for breakfast if they found out you stayed the night." Castiel held Dean close, sighing as their noses brushed and he found Dean's lips again. Amber was at the foot of the bed and curled up on Castiel's feet. Castiel rolled his eyes and laughed softly. It looked like Amber wasn't going to let them be alone for long either.

Dean huffed a laugh. "What if I offer to cook breakfast for them instead? I happen to be very talented in the kitchen." He kissed Castiel softly and trailed his hand down Castiel's arm until their hands met and he laced their fingers together, bringing Castiel's hand up to his lips and pressing soft kisses to each of Castiel's fingers. He felt a weight on their feet and glanced down to see that Amber had settled herself down on the foot of the bed. Dean had forgotten she was in the room. "Dude, we just had sex in front of your cat."

Castiel chuckled, wishing he could see Dean's cooking skills first hand but he doubted that would happen for a very long time. He blushed when Dean started kissing his hand like a gentleman which was silly considering what they'd just done. It was like they were doing everything backwards. Castiel looked down at Amber who was looking back up at them with a vacant look. "Don't worry, I don't think she'll tell anyone." he smirked, kissing Dean again.

Dean closed his eyes as he kissed Castiel again. He giggled a little against Castiel's lips. "What she's seen cannot be unseen." He settled his head comfortably into the pillow, his thoughts becoming serious. "Can I ask you a question?" He inquired tentatively. He wanted to know more about Lucifer and Castiel's family, but he didn't want to make Castiel tell him anything he wasn't comfortable talking about. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to," he added.

Castiel lay back on the pillow so he could see Dean properly. "What is it?" he smiled, running his hand over Dean's arm soothingly. Amber thought now would be a good time to intercept and sit in the gap between them, shoving her tail in Castiel's face. He scowled and wrapped his arms around her, bringing her close to his chest so he could see Dean and keep Amber happy by stroking her absently.

Dean propped his head up on his hand so Ambers fur wasn't tickling his face, and pet her absently. "Pervert cat," he muttered, tickling behind her ears. He looked back at Castiel and asked quietly, "When you said Lucifer tried to kill you… why would he do that?" He winced at the question, which Castiel probably didn't want to talk about, and leaned down to kiss him apologetically. "I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me." He felt bad for asking.

Castiel sighed, looking down at Amber briefly. "I was trying to protect Michael." Castiel said quietly. He wasn't ready to explain the story just yet. He'd never said it aloud apart from at the police station and in court. He didn't feel up to explaining it properly and he hoped Dean would understand. He smiled sheepishly up at Dean before returning his gaze to Amber.

Dean gazed at him intently for a moment, wishing he could know more about Castiel's history. There were so many mysteries about him, but Dean wanted to respect him and not ask any more. He nodded in understanding and changed the subject. "So, what are you going to do for your angel project?" He asked, directing the conversation to something that Cas enjoyed. He stroked a hand through Castiel's hair, loving how messy it looked as a result sex.

Castiel was glad for the change in subject and brightened up a bit. "I've got three pieces, the one you saw on Monday. Then the two down there on the floor I'll paint and together they'll work as a series." he explained, smiling brightly as he talked about his work. "I wanted to express how something so beautiful and majestic can be so broken and unloved too." he smiled sadly at Dean before shyly looking away, realizing how silly that sounded and averted his attention to Amber.

Dean watched Cas as he talked about his paintings, loving the excited smile on his face and the brightness in his eyes as he told Dean about them. This was something Castiel really loved, and Dean wasn't sure but he kind of thought Castiel's artwork was a representation of himself. At least, in Dean's eyes it was. "You're beautiful and majestic," he told Castiel quietly, "And you may be broken, but don't ever think you're not unloved. You've got me, Cas." He kissed him sweetly on the tip of his nose and smiled timidly at him, not knowing if he was right but going with it anyway.

Castiel blushed and dipped his head, to hide his face a little from Dean. In no way was he trying to associate the angel with himself. Although he did like when Dean praised him like this, it did make him feel special and loved. In many ways, Dean was his angel. The only one that saw his inner beauty beneath the scars and the hoodie he hid behind. He brought him to life again and loved him with all his imperfections. Someone like Dean only came around once and Castiel wasn't going to let him go without a fight.

Dean felt warmth spread throughout his chest and he smiled widely, feeling so happy he didn't know what to do with himself. He wriggled one of his arms between Castiel's body and the mattress and wrapped it around his back, bringing his other arm over to circle around him and he hugged Castiel tightly, pulling him close to his body and pressing his cheek to Castiel's. His legs wrapped around Castiel's legs and he pressed himself as close as he could, warm skin against warm skin. "I love you so much," he murmured.

Castiel manoeuvred himself with Dean until they were comfortably pressed together. "I love you too, Dean." Castiel smiled, closing his eyes briefly and just enjoying to moment with Dean. No annoying cats with serious attention issues, no brothers trying to harm him, no teachers, no girls. Just him and Dean. And nothing could make Castiel happier than he was right now.

In his post-orgasmic bliss, Dean murmured dreamily, "We could get away from everything, go live in the cabin. Nobody knows it's there. It could be like this, just you and me and nobody else." He sighed as he thought about it; they could sleep in the same bed every night, kiss each other whenever they felt like it and not have to worry, go skinny dipping in the moonlit lake, lie under the stars and share a blanket… but none of it was real. It couldn't happen, and they both knew it. It was nice to dream, though.

Castiel hummed in approval. It sounded heavenly but it could never happen. People would looked for them. It wouldn't be as simple as just running away. They'd still go to school, his brothers would see them there it just wouldn't work. But it was nice to have something to dream about. Castiel moaned when his phone vibrated and he had to reach over Dean to get it. It was just Michael checking in like usual. He sent him a text telling him he was fine but when he returned to the main menu of his phone he saw what time it was a groaned. "You need to go." he said reluctantly, kissing Dean as an apology.

Dean sighed reluctantly and kissed Castiel, stroking his face as he did so. "I wish I could stay," he murmured, not wanting to get up. But he couldn't risk staying here any longer just in case Castiel's family returned from the prison early. He peppered light kisses over Castiel's face as he slowly sat up and they untangled themselves. Dean kissed Castiel lingeringly before hopping off the bed to find his clothes. Castiel was lying there propped up on his elbows, completely naked and the most beautiful thing Dean could imagine. Dean pulled on his boxers and pants and searched for his shirt, which had been flung somewhere.

Castiel didn't get dressed, he turned onto his side and watched with interest as his eyes raked over Dean's body. His muscular body highlighted in just the right places by the moonlight seeping through the curtains. Castiel hummed, slipping off the bed and picking up Dean's shirt. He slowly buttoned up Dean's shirt. Something so intimate it made Castiel smile a little. He straightened Dean's shirt before tugging him into a searing kiss.

Dean let Castiel button up his shirt, watching his beautiful, nimble fingers work their way up as he slowly fastened each button. He placed his hands on Castiel's sides and moved a little closer, feeling the heat of Castiel's bare skin seep through to him. Castiel had a look of calm concentration on his face, and the muscles in his shoulders and neck twitched and shifted as his arms moved. Dean couldn't stop looking at him. When he was done, Castiel pulled him in for a bruising kiss and Dean moaned and tugged Castiel against him, wrapping both arms tightly around his waist.

Castiel chuckled softly, biting on Dean's lower lip gently as he pulled away. "Leave before I throw you back onto that bed." Castiel growled possessively, eyes black from blown out pupils. He kissed Dean again, licking at his mouth and lip. He pushed Dean back into the wall, grabbing fist fulls of Dean's shirt as he kissed him hard. "You need to leave." he panted, continuing to kiss him and having no intention of actually letting go of Dean.

Whoa, that was really hot. Dean's pants suddenly felt way too tight. "Uh, Cas…." Dean started weakly, but was suddenly slammed up against the wall as Castiel fisted his shirt and pressed into him hard. Dean noticed that Castiel was starting to get hard again, and Dean was too, and he moaned, grabbing Castiel's hair and devouring his mouth with a fierce kiss. After a long, hot moment Dean moved his face to Castiel's neck and growled, "I would leave but you're not actually _letting _me." He kissed Castiel again, hard and desperate, and then pulled his head back reluctantly, cupping Castiel's face. "I can't be here when your family gets home. We'll go to the cabin for a night over the weekend," he promised, hoping that Cas would be able to get away.

Castiel moaned into the hot and heavy kiss, pressing himself back against Dean. Practically throwing what energy he had left into saying goodbye to Dean because it would be a few days before they could do this again. He blushed, smiling sheepishly as Dean moved away. He leaned into the gentle touch, closing his eyes briefly. "I'll look forward to it." Castiel hummed. Castiel bit his lip, kissing Dean once more before returning to his bed. He lay there as seductively as possible, in retaliation for Dean having to leave. The sheets pooled around his crotch and draped carelessly over his thighs.

Dean groaned and banged his head against the wall when Castiel got back onto the bed and gave Dean bedroom eyes as he lay in a sexy pose. "Cas, seriously? You're going to do that now, when I have to leave?" He complained, gesturing to Castiel's body in disbelief. He looked Cas up and down and had to physically force himself not to tear off his clothes and jump onto the bed, to tangle with Castiel and the sheets and get so wrapped up in each other they wouldn't be able to ever separate. He shook his head in mock disapproval and made his way slowly towards the door. "Don't forget to put pants on before your family gets home," he teased, stepping out of the door. "See you at school, baby." He grinned and turned around, walking slowly down the hall and down the stairs to let himself out the back door. He couldn't stop smiling, and he knew he probably looked like the world's biggest idiot, but he didn't care. He was the luckiest guy in the world.

Castiel chuckled, glad to have gotten such a reaction from Dean. It was a huge confidence booster to know someone thought he was sexy.. and not just anyone. Dean. His Dean. It took all of his strength not to run after Dean and drag him back to bed. Luckily Amber made sure he wasn't moving any time soon by sitting on his chest. He picked her up as he shifted onto his side, pulling the covers up over them as Amber curled up by his side. "What do you think of Dean, Ambs?" Castiel asked knowing after what had happened Amber would probably need the equivalent of therapy to get over this. She gave him an absent look but curled up closer to Castiel. Her way of saying he needs to stay safe. "I know, Ambs." Castiel sighed, knowing the road ahead would be bumpy for him and Dean.

When Dean got home, he tried to sneak in, but in order to do so he had to walk past the living room where Sam was watching TV. Dean tried to act normal, like he hadn't just had the hottest sex of his life, but he had a feeling he was failing miserably. "Hey, Sam." He said, going for casual, but Sam took one look at him and said, "Dean, are you okay?" Dean kept walking, trying his best to act natural and he didn't meet Sam's eyes. He felt like Sam could tell. "I'm fine, kid. Gotta go do some homework," he lied, and avoided his little brother's suspicious gaze. Once he was in his room he closed his door and collapsed happily on his bed, hugging his pillow to his chest and staring at the ceiling.

Castiel awoke feeling warm and loved, Amber curled up on his chest. He couldn't stop smiling as he showered and got ready for school. He wore his usual jeans, navy t-shirt and his art hoodie. He rolled up his work from yesterday, grinning idiotically as memories of yesterday came flooding back. He put his work in the compartment in his motorcycle, put on his leather jacket and helmet and set of for school early to avoid his brothers.

Dean woke up with a smile on his face, feeling like sunshine. He quickly showered and got ready for his day and went downstairs for breakfast. To his relief, Sam was already done and was slouched on the sofa reading a book and John had already left for work. Dean quickly grabbed some bread and spread peanut butter on it and said, "Let's go, Sam!" and hurried out the door. They were way early, but it meant that maybe Dean could see Cas before school started. Dean tried to keep his face neutral as he ignored the strange looks Sam was giving him the entire ride to school, and they didn't talk. Dean had the radio in his dad's car tuned to the classic rock station, and he was blaring it loudly and singing along occasionally. When they got to school and got out of the car, Dean saw Cas standing beside his motorcycle, and he grinned. The parking lot was nearly empty since they were so early. "See you later, Sam." Sam mumbled a reply and started walking off slowly as Dean ran over to Cas and playfully jumped onto his back piggyback-style, hoping to surprise Cas. Bros did this kind of thing all the time, and Dean knew that nobody would think anything strange of it.

Castiel almost fell over when Dean jumped on him, he managed to take a hold Dean's thighs and hold him up briefly before letting go of him in case anyone was looking. Clearly Dean knew no one would mind if it was something guys did. He turned around to see Dean and smiled. "And a good morning to you too." He picked up the helmet from on top of his motorcycle and took out his artwork. He walked along the pathway and towards the school, knowing Dean would follow him. "Did you get home okay?" he queried, hoping Dean didn't get into any trouble for being out for so long.

Dean laughed as Castiel wobbled and held him up for a moment before staggering and dropping him. "Hey," he greeted with a mischievous grin. They began walking towards the school, not noticing Sam standing by the entrance talking to some of his friends, but he was watching them curiously. "Yeah," Dean replied. "How'd it go last night, when your family got home? Everything okay?" He was concerned as always about Castiel's brothers.

"Yeah. They've back off a bit since what happened with your car." Castiel smiled sadly. Something good had come out of the tragedy that was Dean's car. They made it to the art room and Castiel set up his work, including the one he'd already painted so he could see how they looked as a set. Even though the other two were still loose drawings. He blushed and smiled sheepishly at Dean, "What do you think?"

Dean studied the artwork. He hadn't gotten a chance to look at it last night, because they'd been… distracted. He could easily recognize his own body in the sketches, and he was fascinated by the way Cas had drawn him. It made him blush a little bit to have his body so accurately portrayed, even in these unfinished pencil drawings. The outlines of wings coming out of his shoulder blades looked so natural that he was surprised he didn't actually have wings. He turned to Cas and smiled. "They look great, Cas." he said enthusiastically. "When are you going to finish them?" He couldn't wait to see what they looked like when they were complete.

Castiel blushed, leaning into Dean a little. They were alone in the art room but he couldn't quite bring himself to wrap his arms around Dean. "Today, hopefully." Castiel said, shrugging off his leather jacket and placing it with his helmet in the corner. "At least one of them anyway." He tugged at the sleeves of his hoodie out of habit and began setting up his paints. "I might have to miss lunch though, I need to get these done and won't have much time on Friday" he smiled apologetically.

Dean automatically tossed his arm around Castiel's shoulders and casually tugged him close for a sideways hug before letting go and watching Cas set up his supplies. Dean hooked his foot around a nearby chair and dragged it closer so he could straddle it and sit backwards, leaning his arms forward on the backrest of the chair. "Can I maybe stop by and see you here, then?" He asked tentatively.

Castiel looked back at Dean, smiling at how good Dean looked straddling a chair. What would make it even better, Castiel thought, was if he was sitting in the chair underneath Dean. He blushed at the thought and looked around cautiously even though they were alone. "Of course." Castiel nodded, although he thought having Dean around would be more of a distraction. At least they couldn't touch each other here. Then he'd really be in trouble. He brushed his hand against Dean's cheek briefly before setting to work on his paintings. Starting with the one whose back is turned and wings spread out on either side.

Dean smiled and leaned into the touch, craving more but knowing he would have to settle for this. "Okay," he said happily. He watched Castiel begin to paint. He was a confident artist, making wide strokes with a steady hand as he filled in the basic colors of the painting. He didn't speak for fear of interrupting Cas, and he didn't want to distract him during this. Dean was amazed as he watched his own body grow wings and come to life under Castiel's hands. Dean was sitting in such a way that he could only see Castiel's face when he turned his head down and to the side to get new paint on his brush or to mix some colors, and the concentrated look on his face was mesmerizing. Dean wished he could draw, because Castiel's dark eyelashes against his fair skin and the slightly furrowed brow were beautiful.

Castiel concentrated on his work, flicking his tongue out every so often as he furrowed his brow in concentration. He quickly filled in the base colour of Deans torso, working in the wings over the top. When he worked with art he found himself lost in the work and at ease. He felt more confident, knowing he could do something right. No one told him what he was doing was wrong. It was just self-expression. He couldn't be wrong. He managed to fill in the base colour and start on the details when the bell went for class. Castiel almost jumped out of his skin. He turned to see Dean still watching him with a curious eye. He smiled brightly, surprise Dean was still here. "See you here at lunch?" Castiel asked with a soft, hopeful smile.

Dean stood up and looked around carefully to make sure nobody was watching, but the art room was still empty and there weren't any students in the hall, and the two of them were in the back corner of the room. He daringly leaned forward and pressed a quick, gentle kiss to Castiel's cheek before blushing and backing away. He couldn't help it. "See you at lunch." He confirmed with a soft smile as he left the room to go to Math.

Castiel blushed, rubbing his cheek lightly, watching as Dean left before returning to his work. He looked a little flustered from the simple gesture but those coming into the room didn't seem to notice. Castiel was always blushing, that wasn't anything new. A few people smiled at him, even said hello to him. Which was nice. The girl from the other day hadn't pushed further with Castiel 'painting' her. Which was a relief. He spent the rest of the day, painting with a smile on his face.

Dean went to his classes as usual, trying to concentrate on his work instead of being distracted by daydreaming about Cas. When it was time for lunch, Dean didn't go to the tree as usual and instead went to the art room to hang out with Cas. He stopped by the canteen on his way and picked up some sandwiches, chips and water bottles for them. The lunch lady looked at him curiously when she saw how much food he was buying, and he shrugged at her. "It's not all for me," he said defensively. He picked up two cookies as well and paid for it all before carrying the food off to the art room. When he got there, there were other students in there painting and doing other various projects, and Dean looked around, checking out other people's art, but the one that really stood out was Castiel's. Dean walked through the art room, greeting a few people he knew as they looked at him strangely for being in the art room, since he didn't take art. He casually went up to Castiel and straddled the chair again with a grin. "Hey. I have food." he said, looking at the art with an impressed expression. "God. That's amazing."

Castiel looked up and smiled. He put down his brushes and removed his paint covered hoodie. "An artist is only as good as his subject." Castiel murmured near Dean's ear as he put his hoodie down next to his bag which sat by Dean's side. He went back to sitting cross-legged on a chair as he worked carefully on the tips of the wings of the second painting. He'd almost finished it and decided he'd work on the third tonight when he got home and what little time he had on Friday. He studied the light on the feathers before blinking up at Dean. "Did you say you had food?" Why would Dean announce he had food..unless he meant for both of them. "Did you..did you buy me lunch?" he asked quietly in disbelief.

Dean tried not to stare when Castiel's navy blue shirt got pulled halfway up his torso when he took off his paint-spattered hoodie, and then turned to Dean, his eyes looking impossibly blue with that shirt he was wearing. He smiled at Castiel's words murmured close to his ear as he placed the hoodie with his bag. When Cas sat cross-legged on the chair again and looked at Dean in disbelief, he held up the sandwiches with a grin. "Thought you might be hungry. We can't have any starving artists, can we?" He teased, and tossed the sandwich lightly to Cas and then handed him the chips, water and cookie.

Castiel caught the sandwich, staring at it like it was made of solid gold. "Dean..you didn't have to do this." he breathed, still taken back by the gesture. He put the chips, cookie and water in a pile on the table and peeled back the packaging of the sandwich and nibbled at it sheepishly as he turned back to his painting. He used the smaller brush to add in the highlights of Dean's skin, where the light slipped through the feathers of the wings. "Thank you, Dean." Castiel said, taking another bite.

Dean shrugged, trying to act like it wasn't a big deal, but he was beaming nonetheless. "No problem," he replied, and unwrapped his own sandwich. He watched Castiel nibble his sandwich delicately, and Dean took a big bite of his, laughing slightly. "Mmm. This school really does make the best sandwiches, don't they?" He joked through a mouthful of food, giving Castiel a good view of the mashed-up sandwich mush in his mouth. He was so mature.

Castiel rolled his eyes and laughed a little. "Attractive." he said dryly. Castiel continued to paint, focusing on the details around the shoulderblades were the wings met the skin. Castiel bit his lip in concentration before taking a bit of sandwich. He untangled his legs and stood up in one fluid motion, moving towards Anna and borrowing a smaller brush. He gave her a small smile and returned to his painting.

Dean laughed and a few crumbs sprayed out onto the floor. He chewed and swallowed and then watched as Castiel gracefully stood up and went over to a red-haired girl who was painting nearby and took a brush from her collection. Cas smiled at her and she returned it, and Cas came back to his painting and dipped the new brush in some cream-colored paint. "Who's that?" Dean asked Cas curiously, in a quiet voice. "I don't know her name." He admitted. She was a quiet girl, and Dean had never spoken to her, and he rarely saw her, but Castiel seemed to be friends with her.

"Anna" Castiel replied quietly, looking over at the girl before looking back at Dean. "She..she doesn't get out much. She likes to paint." Castiel smiled, knowing what that was like himself. They didn't talk much but they worked in comfortable silence together. It was nice enough. He finished his sandwich and took a sip of some of the water.

Dean nodded in understanding and watched Castiel's face as he looked at her. He was glad Castiel had found a friend. Dean wasn't too sure what his own friend situation was like at the moment, because the people he'd once called friends weren't great people, and Dean didn't actually enjoy hanging out with them. He decided he should try to find new friends besides Cas, because he couldn't be too clingy and have Cas be his only friend. "She seems nice," Dean murmured. "We should ask her to hang out sometime. She looks a little lonely." Anna was sitting by herself at a table, head bent forward over a canvas as she concentrated on her art. Dean looked back up at Cas to see what he would say to that. Dean really wanted to form a new group of friends, a group where Castiel would be comfortably included. Screw popularity.

Castiel smiled, Dean had taken Castiel from a dark place of solitude and brought him a whole new kid of happiness that he didn't know existed. He was pretty sure Anna wasn't depressed like Castiel had been, just reserved. Maybe if he and Dean brought her out of her shell a little she might appreciate it. Just like Castiel had when Dean had. Who knows, it could be the start of a nice friendship group. Castiel took his cookie and went over to Anna. "That's my friend Dean over there." Castiel said quietly, placing the cookie by her side. "We'll be by the tree outside the canteen tomorrow if you want to hang out with us." Anna didn't say anything but smiled timidly, looking down at the cookie before nodding up at Castiel. Castiel smiled and returned back to Dean. "I don't want to disturb her working. We'll meet tomorrow." Castiel smiled softly, excited by the thought of getting to know Anna a little better.

Dean watched Cas walk over to Anna and give her his cookie, which was really sweet of him to do and Dean couldn't stop smiling. Anna looked up from her work and nodded at Castiel with a shy smile, and then she glanced over at Dean timidly. He smiled at her and waved a little, and she blushed and smiled briefly before turning back to her work quickly, hiding behind her hair. When Castiel came back and sat in his chair again and told Dean their plan to meet Anna, he reached into his backpack and took out the other cookie and handed it to Cas with a happy smile. "That's great," he said. "I can't wait to actually meet her." Dean's life was definitely much more different than it was a few weeks ago, and when he stopped to think about the changes he'd been through, it was really surprising. Castiel's life was changing, too. No longer was he a lonely boy everyone picked on; now he had a boyfriend, was obviously a lot happier and more confident, and was making friends.

Castiel took the cookie and broke a bit off before handing it back to Dean. He nibbled on the piece he broke off and continued painting, almost finished. "Good. She seems to be looking forward to it too." Castiel hummed, munching on the cookie. He added a few extra strokes of paint before his shoulders sagged. Like a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He let out a shaky breath, running his paint stained hands over his cheek and hair. "Two down, one to go." Castiel chuckled breathlessly.

Dean got up off the chair and went to stand behind his boyfriend, barely resisting the urge to put his hands on Castiel's waist and lean his chin on his shoulder. He looked at the art over Castiel's shoulder and whistled quietly. "Wow," he breathed. The painting was amazing. It looked so lifelike, but also otherwordly, and Dean loved Castiel's portrayal of an angel. He took Castiel's arm and pulled him to his feet, and then walked him backwards across the art room so they could see the painting on the easel from a distance. Dean felt a little shy about being the subject of Castiel's artwork, and he hoped nobody would be able to recognize him even though his face wasn't drawn, because if people knew that the shirtless model was Dean, questions and rumors would arise.

Castiel blushed, letting himself be moved. He watched Dean as he looked over the painting with interest. They both knew it was Dean. Castiel had been careful enough to make it look like something from an anatomy book by not adding certain features like the face or freckles. But they both knew the truth. Their little secret. Castiel smiled, stepping out of Dean's grip and returning to his work by taking it off the easel and setting it with the other pieces. "Thank you" he whispered to Dean with a shy, knowing smile.

"It was my pleasure," Dean replied in a whisper, returning the knowing smile. Some of the other students had glanced up curiously when they walked across the room, and Dean was paranoid until he realized they were probably just surprised that the two of them were friends now; the popular school heartthrob and the lonely quiet kid. They were an unlikely pair with not much in common, but they'd changed each other for the better. Dean leaned a little close and looked at Cas in amusement, placing his hand firmly on the top of Castiel's head and turning his head so he was facing to the side. "You're covered in paint," he told his boyfriend with a grin, picking up a wet cloth from the table and handing it to him before backing away a little and leaning against the table.

Castiel froze when Dean leaned close and held his head. He stared wide-eyed at his boyfriend, worried he was about to kiss him right here in front of everyone. Instead he mentioned the paint and Castiel let out a nervous chuckle in relief. He was worried Dean was going to wipe the paint of himself, hell, he might as well have licked it off like a cat. It would still conjure the same reaction from people. He took the wet cloth and rubbed it over his face, getting rid of the paint. He wiped his hands and threw the cloth in the sink. He looked up at Dean silently asking if it was all gone.

Dean noticed the tension suddenly between them, and he glanced down at Castiel's lips briefly. "You missed a spot," he pointed to his own cheek in the place where Castiel had it on his face; right on the top of his cheekbone there was a long smear of dark blue paint that had only been worsened when the wet cloth dragged across it uselessly. He hoped Castiel would be able to get it all off on his own, because then Dean would be tempted to do it himself. Dean knew he could do it without making it look too obvious, but he wasn't sure Cas would be comfortable with that and he didn't want to risk it.

Castiel mimicked the movement Dean did as he motioned to where the paint was but as he drew the cloth along it he dabbed at his cheek to check if it was gone but it wouldn't leave. He sighed in frustration. "Can you get it?" he asked, giving Dean the cloth. He was sure people wouldn't judge. He'd tried and failed to wipe away the mark, surely it would only make sense for a friend to help him out. Right? He could feel his heart beating heavily. He would probably regret asking that.

Dean bit his lip slightly and nodded, taking the cloth from Castiel. He didn't glance around the room, because that would make him look shifty, and there was no need for that when he was just a friend helping out a friend. He leaned a little closer so he could see and touched Castiel's jaw lightly to get him to turn his head a little and kept it there to steady him, and then frowned in concentration as he tried to wipe the paint off. The paint itself had come off, but it left a blue line on Castiel's face that looked ridiculous, and Dean huffed in amusement. He got the cloth a little wetter under the sink and tried again, causing the stain to fade a little, but it didn't wash off all the way. He stepped back and shrugged, studying Castiel in amusement. "I couldn't get it all off, but at least it matches your eyes," he joked, strolling over to the sink and tossing the cloth into it again. He tried to act calm, but being so close to Castiel was dangerous in school like this, and he straddled the chair again to put some space between them.

Castiel held his breath the whole time Dean was near him. He was so close and yet Castiel couldn't touch him. Couldn't kiss him. In what way did he think this would be a good idea. He swallowed thickly when Dean backed away and let out a shaky breath. "It's fine" he muttered, rubbing at his cheek. The paint had probably seeped into his scar, staining the indented skin. He sighed in annoyance but left it alone, he'd deal with it later. He ran a hand through his hair before washing the brushes and giving Anna her brush back. "See you tomorrow" he smiled softly. Anna was nibbling on the cookie he gave her and nodded with a timid smile. Castiel packed up his stuff just in time for the bell to go.

Dean stood up and stretched his arms above his head with a yawn. Then he folded his hands together and rested them on top of his head as he watched Castiel clean up his paints and brushes. He walked over to the table again and leaned against it, looking down at Castiel's paintings. "I still don't understand how you do this," he muttered in amazement. Dean was a horrible artist. He really wasn't talented in anything, not like Castiel was. The bell rang, and the other students started filing out. Anna glanced at them again with a small smile and Dean smiled back.

Castiel picked up his helmet and the third unfinished picture. He blushed at Dean's sort of compliment. He brushed past him and smiled at Anna again as he headed out the door. Castiel was back in his leather jacket but the hoodie was in his bag. "I'm done for the day..I'll see you tomorrow, I guess." Castiel smiled sadly. He didn't want to leave but he had a free period and he really needed to get started on the third painting if they were going to get away to the cabin this weekend.

Dean smiled and grabbed Castiel's shoulder, pulling him in for a quick one-armed hug and patting his back twice before letting go. "See you tomorrow," he replied as Castiel walked away. Dean put his hands in his pockets and walked over to Anna, gazing curiously at her painting over her shoulder. "Whoa. That's really good," he told her, and she glanced up at him with a timid smile. "Thanks," she said quietly, blushing again and turning back to look at her painting. It was a forest landscape, with sun shining through the trees and reflecting on a stream surrounded by fall leaves that were the color of her hair. She was basing it off a photograph that was beside her on the table. "I'm Dean, by the way." She nodded and said, "I'm Anna. Cas probably told you already." Dean grinned and moved around to sit at the chair next to her. "He did. Nice to meet you, Anna." He had a free period after lunch anyway, and didn't need to be anywhere, so he figured he could stay and chat with Anna for a while, maybe get to know her a little bit better. "You spend a lot of time in here? Cas said you liked painting a lot."

Castiel went home and started work on his third piece, he would have stayed in the art room but he figured once he just got started it would be time to leave so he might as well just start at home. He wasn't sure if Dean had a free period or not but he needed to get his work done before the weekend. He had a feeling Dean would be taking up the majority of his time this weekend. Anna nodded, "It's therapeutic. It helps me to channel my thoughts." She bit her lip, curling a piece of hair behind her ear. "Weren't you Joseph in the third grade Nativity?" she asked timidly, a small amused smile curling her lips.

Dean laughed and rubbed a hand over his face. "Yeah, that was me." He admitted sheepishly. Back in the third grade they'd put on a class Nativity play for Christmas and Dean had been cast as Joseph. He'd dropped the baby Jesus off the stage. "Good thing it wasn't a real baby." He looked thoughtfully at Anna. "You were… weren't you one of the angels?" He vaguely remembered a shy little girl with red hair dressed up as an angel, but he couldn't be sure it was her. It was hard to believe that they'd all been going to school since kindergarten and he'd never even known Anna's name.

Anna nodded, a little surprised someone like Dean would remember. She'd been an angel with Castiel. That's how they'd met and been acquaintances ever since. Both preferring solitude but both enjoyed the comfortable silence that sat between them. "Besides the baby incident I thought you were really good." she complimented, biting the inside of her cheek. "Do you still act?" she asked curiously.

"Thanks," Dean murmured, feeling a slight blush tinge his cheeks. He glanced down at the table and then back up at her, shaking his head. "No," he answered, "I've never been in any play except for that. I enjoyed it then, but never really got into it." Dean thought wistfully of the day he'd been on stage, all the proud parents clapping and cheering for their children after the Nativity play, which was short and simple, and Dean had felt great. He'd loved it. Over the years, as he was growing up, he'd contemplated auditioning for the spring musical that the drama club put on every year, but he wasn't brave enough to try. He didn't think he'd make it. Eventually, he'd gotten in with the popular crowd of kids, and had mostly forgotten about acting and singing, worried that he'd be judged. The musical auditions were coming up eventually, and Dean thought about it in the back of his mind as he always did at this time of the year.

Anna smiled softly, "You should try out for the next show. I think they're doing West Side Story this year." She looked down at her painting before looking back up at Dean. "The art department has to help out with the sets so I doubt you'd be able to see Castiel much soon anyway. You might as well put your talent to use." Anna gasped a little, putting a hand over her mouth. She hardly talked to people. Talking to herself in her mind, she forgot what people would be okay with hearing and what you weren't supposed to say out loud. "Sorry." she smiled apologetically.

Dean looked at her uncertainly. Did she know about him and Cas? He couldn't tell by the way she said it, but it was definitely a possibility. Maybe he was wrong, though. He couldn't just ask her what she'd meant by "see Castiel", because if she didn't know then that would possibly give it away. Dean cringed internally and decided to ignore that part comment, because he wasn't sure what to do with it. Instead, he asked, "You think I have talent?" With a slightly disbelieving, sheepish smile. "Anna, that was third grade!"

Anna blushed idiotically, hiding her face with her hair. "Talent never dies, Dean." she pointed out with a small smile. "You just need to find it again." She stood up and began packing up her things. "And I'm sure you will." she smiled sweetly, putting her backpack on. "I'll see you tomorrow, Dean." she said quietly, leaving the room as quickly as possible before embarrassing herself into loosing an invitation to getting to know Dean and Castiel.

Dean decided he liked her. She was a lot like Castiel, so that was probably why. He watched her leave thoughtfully, and didn't stand up for a few minutes. He frowned down at his hands, deep in thought as the other art students continued working on their projects quietly. Dean knew he was an okay singer, Cas had told him so, and he knew he enjoyed acting, and every year when he went to go see the spring musical, he imagined himself on the stage. The only problem was the dancing; if Dean even wanted to audition, which he was actually considering, he'd have to be able to dance at least a little. Maybe Cas could help him out, but Dean didn't think they'd get much done, except each other. He smirked to himself and then stood up, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and picking up the trash from lunch and wandering outside to lounge around on the school grounds for the rest of his free period before going to French.


	9. Chapter 9

Castiel was already at home and starting work on his third painting. This angel was based on Dean leaning against the wall with his neck and chest exposed. He added in wings to curl around Dean to shield his face and sides. Amber thought it would be funny to sit on his work. She also thought it would be okay to route through his bag and pull out all the papers. Castiel's eyes widened when he saw his French book lying there. He groaned out loud. He wouldn't make it back now but he still felt bad about ditching class and leaving Dean alone in French.

French was dull without Castiel, and Dean was surprised Cas hadn't come back for the class. He almost never skipped classes. Dean was actually a little worried, which was justifiable because of Castiel's brothers. Dean texted Cas when the teacher wasn't looking "french is right now, where r u?"

'I forgot about it. I was pre-occupied with painting your torso.' Castiel sent before realizing how silly that sounded. He shook his head deciding to make not too much of it and continued to paint his art. He stopped and decided to text Dean again. 'Sorry, I'll make it up to you tomorrow. ;)'

Dean snorted when he got the text messages and the teacher gave him a stern look. He smiled innocently at her and she sighed and went back to the lesson. Dean waited a few minutes before quickly texting back, "haha ok, u better. im bored." He hoped Castiel would keep texting him, because the teacher was doing vocabulary stuff and showing them culture videos and Dean wasn't really interested today. It wasn't important stuff, and he could always memorize the vocabulary words at a different time.

Castiel sighed, as much as he wanted to keep texting Dean he needed to get his work done. 'Pay attention to the lesson otherwise I will have to punish you. French is important' he texted and continued to work on his art work.

Dean had to stuff his hand in his mouth to keep the surprised laughter from escaping, and he made a choking sound. He glanced up to make sure the teacher hadn't caught him texting, and then he winced when he thought of how awkward it would be if she took his phone away and read his messages. After a few minutes Dean replied, "punish me? ive been a naughty boy… heheheh ;)" he replied with the cheesiest porno line ever and bit his lip to keep from smiling.

Castiel snorted out a laugh and shook his head. 'You'd enjoy that too much. I was thinking of a punishment that avoided sexual encounters so you better start paying attention.' He sent the text and returned to his painting, pushing Amber out the way when she decided to be annoying and try and step on his work.

Dean got the text but he couldn't reply for about five minutes because the teacher was talking to the class now. When she went back to her desk and started sorting through some papers, Dean quickly replied, "what, like no sex for a week? ok fine im paying attention im being a good boy now"

'Something like that. Good, I'll talk to you tomorrow.' Castiel sighed, he wasn't sure whether no sex with Dean would be punishment for Dean or him. He wasn't sure whether he'd even be able to last that long without touching Dean. He worked hard on his painting all night until he physically passed out from exhaustion around three in the morning.

After school, Dean went home and worked on his homework slowly, feeling sluggishly relaxed and happy. He was on his bed listening to music when Sam came in and sat down in his desk chair with a thoughtful frown on his face. Dean turned off his music and sat up. "What's up, Sammy?" He asked. Sam looked troubled, and he stared at the floor for a long time. "Can I ask you something, and do you promise to tell me the truth?" Uh-oh. This couldn't be good. Dean shifted forward and took a deep, nervous breath before nodding slowly. Sam looked him in the eye and asked him, "Are you and Cas dating?" Dean's blood ran cold and he knew it was pointless lying; Sam could always see right through him. All he could do was stare back at his brother wide-eyed and try to remember how to breathe as his face grew hot. There was nothing he could say. Sam gave him a reassuring nod and said, "It's okay, Dean. There's nothing wrong with it." Dean drew a panicked breath and fisted his hands into the bedspread. "Don't tell Dad," he choked out, "Please, Sammy, don't tell Dad. I'll do anything, just don't tell him." Dean's eyes were welling up with tears, and Sam ran over to him and hugged him tight, awkwardly bent over because Dean was sitting. Sam was strong, and he squeezed Dean so hard he could hardly breathe and then backed away to look him in the eyes, bending over him with his hands on Dean's shoulders. "Dean. Dean, look at me. I'm not gonna tell Dad, okay?" Dean looked up into Sam's worried hazel eyes and a sob escaped him. Sam swallowed and said in a shaky voice, "Dean, you're my brother and I love you no matter what. I don't care if you're gay." He sat beside Dean on the bed and hugged him tightly again, and Dean wrapped his arms gratefully around his younger brother, tears leaking from his eyes onto Sam's shoulder. He broke down completely and let Sam try to comfort him. Sam was silent until Dean backed away and looked up at him to ask, "How did you know?" in a broken whisper. Their secret had been found out, and Dean wondered how many other people had discovered it too. What had they done wrong? Sam looked at Dean and shrugged. "You seemed different since you started hanging out with him, and a few times you said you were going to a friend's house and came back looking like…" Sam trailed off and blushed. "But, I don't know. Mostly I could see it when you two were together. He looks at you like you're his whole world, and at first I thought it was just because he finally had a friend, you know? But you look at him the same way…. and it just kind of made sense." Dean groaned miserably and buried his head in his hands, clawing at his hair. "Are we really that obvious?" Sam shook his head quickly. "No, not really. I just noticed it because I'm your brother. I know you better than anyone." That was true, at least. Dean sat up and looked at Sam worriedly. "Dean, I promise I won't tell anyone. Especially not Dad, okay? I heard what he did that night in the bar. I'll keep it a secret, you can trust me. But if you ever decide to tell anyone… even Dad, I'm going to be right behind you, backing you up 100 percent." They looked at each other for a long moment, and then Dean grabbed Sam's hand and squeezed it tightly. "Thank you, Sam." he whispered.

(uh… got a little carried away but I was kind of leading up to this moment D:

(Holy hell, I'm going to start crying.. By the way I have no idea what I'm doing so I apologize. )

Castiel woke up with his face pressed down in his paints and Amber pawing at his face. He cursed under his breath as he tried to open his eyes but the paint stung at the corners of his eyes. He wiped his face with the pad of his thumb, removing the paint until he could stumble to the bathroom and wash his face in the sink. He looked up and almost jumped out of his skin when he saw Gabriel standing right behind him through the mirror. "Hey kiddo." Gabriel said, his face cold but his voice as cheery as usual which only worried Castiel further. Castiel straightened and swallowed thickly, turning slowly to face his brother. Gabriel was playing with a yo-yo casually, gazing at the multi-coloured object as it twirled between them. "How's lover boy?" Gabriel grinned sourly, his voice charming and neutral but Castiel knew better. He stared wide-eyed at Gabriel, his mouth went dry as he stood dumb-founded at his older brother. "W-Who would that be?" he stuttered, doing his best to keep up appearances. Gabriel's face went from neutral to pure bitter hatred in seconds, grabbing Castiel by the throat and slamming him hard against the tiled wall. "Now it ain't Johnny fucking Depp, now is it?!" he spat. Castiel clutched at Gabriel's hand pathetically trying to stop him from blocking off his airways for much longer. His face grew red and tears were welling in the corners of his eyes as he spluttered for breath. Gabriel let go just before Castiel passed out and Castiel thudded to the floor gasping for breath. Gabriel kicked him a few times in the stomach. Castiel hunched up and curled up on himself as he coughed up bloody spit. Castiel couldn't see but he heard Gabriel yelp in pain and stagger off in the other direction. He looked up to see him mom kneeling by his side with a caring hand cupping his cheek. "It's okay, sweetheart. Let's get you to bed." Castiel doesn't remember much after that. He fell back to sleep or past out..he wasn't sure. The last thing he remembered thinking was leaving Dean alone with Gabriel on the loose.

(Oh god… I'm so scared but also really excited at the same time skdjhsd)

"Dean, I don't know much about… relationships or anything, but if you ever need to talk about anything, you can tell me." Sam looked uncomfortable now, and Dean gave him an exhausted half-smile and shoved at his brother's shoulder. "Thanks," he muttered, wiping away his tears shakily. "I like Cas," Sam said decisively. "He's really smart and I heard he's a talented artist. And he has a motorcycle." Sam smiled and poked Dean. But then his expression softened. "I… think he's really good for you, Dean. You kinda needed someone like him. He brings out the best in you and you look really happy when you're with him." Sam smiled at Dean and Dean sighed and returned the smile, eternally grateful that his little brother accepted it. "I'm not actually gay," Dean felt the need to point out. "At least, I don't think I am. I've never looked at another guy that way before. It's just Cas, and I don't know why." Sam just shrugged and said, "I understand. It's the person you fall in love with, and everything else comes second to that, including gender." Dean nodded and wrapped an arm around Sam's shoulders. He loved the kid so much right now. He may only be a nerdy, awkward freshman, but he had wisdom past his years. Sam stiffened and turned to Dean with an alarmed expression. "His brothers are the ones who burned your car," he realized, and Dean nodded in confirmation. "Dean. This is serious. What if they find out about you and Cas? Think about what they might do!" Dean sighed tightly and chewed on his lip. "I have thought about it," he told Sam. "A lot. I'm terrified, Sam. If they discovered…" He trailed off, his chest tight with anxiety. "I'm scared, Sam. They beat him up all the time for no reason. If they found out about me and him it would be so much worse, because of Dad…" Dean couldn't finish his sentence. He felt like he couldn't breathe suddenly. Sam tightened his arm around Dean's back and gripped his arm, turning sideways to meet his eyes. "If anyone threatens to hurt you or Cas, I am going to call the police, Dean. Or I'll just fight them myself. I don't care if I get in trouble. I'll help you guys no matter what." Sam said firmly, but Dean shook his head. "No, Sam! You can't get involved with this. It's too complicated, and I don't want you getting roped into this mess and getting hurt. Promise me you won't get hurt, Sam!" Dean stared into his brother's eyes desperately, and Sam stared back defiantly for a while before sighing sadly and looking down. "Okay. I promise. But if Balthazar or Gabriel, or even Dad, hurt you or Cas, you won't be able to stop me from getting involved." He insisted, and Dean looked at him and realized he couldn't convince Sam to stay away. "Fine." He said tiredly, running a hand over his eyes. "Sam, I know I tease you a lot and act like a dick towards you, you need to know that I love you, okay? You're a really awesome brother."

(Are you trying to give me a heart-attack? Ahh, this is so good)

Castiel groaned, wincing as something wet and heavy scrapped across his forehead. He opened his heavy eyelids, blinking several times as he winced against the harsh light that stung his dry eyes. His voice was scratchy and his throat parched. "Dean?" he groaned, looking up at the blurry figure sitting by his side. "Not quite." came the soothing and slightly amused voice of his mom. He sighed in relief. He'd assumed it was Dean because he was the only one that would be by his side after being attacked. His mom was always at work to notice or be there to help out. Castiel thanked God that his mom was there. He was sure Gabriel was going to kill him. He could see the look in his eye. The same look Lucifer had portrayed when he was crushing on his windpipe and holding a broken bottle to his neck. "Dean, that the boy you've been seeing?" his mom asked softly as she wiped a wet cloth over his bloodied skin. "Yes." Castiel said, suddenly bolting up as he realized Dean didn't know. His mom eased him back down as he groaned in pain clutching his stomach. "Shh.. take it easy, petal. You're still tender." Castiel complied but was still nervous about what was going too happen if Gabriel found Dean. His mom must have seen his anxious look because she assured, "Gabriel's been sent to live with Michael until we can sort this out." Castiel sighed and could feel himself slipping back into unconsciousness. His mom, being the saint that she was took Castiel's phone and text Dean. She smiled sadly when Dean's number was the only contact Castiel had that wasn't family. 'Come to Castiel's after school. We need to talk. Don't worry hon, you're not in trouble - Mrs Novak.'

Sam stayed with Dean for a little while longer and then left him alone, telling Dean that everything would be fine, and closed the door behind him to leave Dean alone to think things over and process what had just happened. He turned off his light and lay back on his bed, exhausted but unable to calm his mind. Sam knew about him and Cas. Dean really hoped that nobody else would find out, and he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach that Castiel's brothers were going to find out eventually and he didn't want to think about what they might do. After a while of tossing and turning, Dean got up and went into the bathroom for a drink of water and tried to calm himself down, but he couldn't relax. He felt tense and jittery, and he knew he needed to call Cas to tell him about Sam finding out, but when he looked at the clock he decided against it. It was 2:30 in the morning, Cas was probably still asleep. He sighed and stared at the ceiling in frustration and eventually he fell into a fitful sleep. The next morning he woke up feeling like shit, and groaned as he stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom to shower and brush his teeth. When he was dressed, he started for the stairs, but then he hesitated. He could hear John and Sam in the kitchen preparing breakfast and moving around the room. Dean took a deep breath and schooled his face into a neutral expression. When he got into the kitchen, Sam looked up at him and raised his eyebrows questioningly. _Are you okay, Dean? _Dean nodded slightly. _Yeah, I'm fine, thanks Sam. _Sam went back to eating his breakfast as if nothing was different, and John hadn't noticed the little exchange. The brothers didn't talk on the way to school. They arrived a little later than usual due to Dean's rough night and difficulty waking up, and Dean automatically searched for Castiel's motorcycle, but it wasn't there. He frowned in concern. "Where is he?" he asked quietly, and Sam looked around and shook his head. "You think he's…?" Sam didn't have to finish his sentence, the fear in his eyes explained enough. Dean checked his phone and shook his head. "He would have texted me if anything happened," he said, but even as he said that he felt uneasy. He took a deep breath and got out of the car. "He's probably just late," He told Sam, hoping it was true. He had his second class with Castiel, chemistry, and if Cas still hadn't showed up for that Dean would investigate.

Castiel awoke around two in the afternoon he felt sore all over but his first thought was to text Dean. He remembered his mom waking him up earlier and assuring him everything was fine and taken care of but Castiel couldn't shift this feeling of doubt until he heard Dean's voice. He shifted awkwardly on the bed, until he could reach for his phone and punch in Dean's number. It was around lunch so hopefully Dean would pick up.

Dean walked into school with Sam and then went early into his first class to absently doodle on a paper as his leg jiggled under the desk nervously. There were a few students in there, but Dean ignore them and tried to stay calm and convince himself that Cas was fine, he probably just ran out of gas for his motorcycle or something and had to walk. Dean's first class went by slowly and Dean still didn't receive a text from Cas, so that could mean he was already at school and was paying attention in class. When the class ended, Dean walked alone in the hallway, searching the faces for Castiel. He didn't find him, but he did see Anna. He took her arm and pulled her aside to stand over by the lockers. She looked at him with a confused frown. "Dean? Is everything okay?" she tucked her hair behind her ear and gripped her backpack strap tightly. Dean quickly asked her, "Have you seen Cas at all today?" She shook her head, eyes widening. "No," she replied quietly, looking up at Dean with fear in her eyes. "I usually see him… do you think he's okay?" Dean bit his lip and looked at her helplessly. "I don't know, Anna. I'm really worried, I think something may have happened with his brothers." Anna put a hand to her mouth and stared at Dean wide-eyed. Suddenly, the bell rang for class and Anna bit her lip. "Dean, will you make sure he's okay? I wish I could help but I have a math test and I can't miss class… here's my number, text me when you find out what's going on," And shy Anna took a pen out of her pocket and grabbed Dean's wrist to write her number on the back of his hand before running off to her class. Dean was left standing alone in the empty hallway. Suddenly his phone vibrated, and he quickly fumbled it out of his pocket and saw that it was a message from Cas with a sigh of relief. But when he read it he discovered it wasn't actually from Cas, it was from his mom and Dean felt dread make his legs weak. He sank down to the floor against the lockers and read the message several times, feeling sick. He pressed call and held the phone to his ear, chewing on his thumbnail and trying to breathe. There was no answer, so he tried again. Again, there was no answer. "Fuck!" Dean exclaimed and threw his phone to the floor. He didn't have Castiel's house number, so there was nothing he could do. Since it was Castiel's mom who had texted, he figured it was under control and he would go to the house later and see what had happened. He went through the rest of the day numbly, and when it was time for lunch he sat alone under the tree. His phone vibrated and he saw that it was a call from Castiel's phone. He hesitated before answering, because he didn't know if it would be Castiel or his mom, but then he raised it to his ear. "Hello?" He asked in a shaky voice.

Castiel tapped his fingers absently on his thigh as he listened to the phone ring out. Amber sensed his worry and came and sat on his chest. Castiel groaned as she sat on the tender bruised skin. He moved her carefully so she curled up by his side. When he heard Dean's voice he felt like he could cry. Hearing his voice was so reasurring. Gabriel hadn't got to him. He remembered his mom muttering something along the lines of Gabriel moving for a while but Castiel had worried Gabriel had gotten to Dean beforehand. He let out a choked breath as he tried to speak. His voice still dry and wavering, mainly from the shock his body had gone through. "Dean.. I'm so.. are you hurt.. I need you to come over after school." he sobbed, trying to keep his voice calm as tears slid down his face. He could barely breath as he clutched at Amber for something to ground him. He was shaking uncontrollably. He couldn't do this alone like he used to. He needed his Dean.

Dean held his breath when the phone clicked and he listened carefully. For a moment there was nothing, but then a choking sound sound, and Dean's heart started pounding painfully as he clutched the phone to his ear. "Cas?!" He said urgently, and then bit his lip as he waited for a response. Castiel started talking in a rough, pained voice, and Dean got to his feet when he heard him start sobbing and whimpering on the phone. Dean's legs felt heavy and his throat was tight. He felt like he couldn't move. "I'll be there in five minutes," he said into the phone, and shoved it into his pocket and ran to the parking lot as fast as he could. He jumped into his car and fumbled with the key in the ignition, and then peeled out of the parking lot with the tires screeching as he headed for Castiel's house, driving way over the speed limit. He parked carelessly and jumped out of the car, not bothering to close the driver's door, and ran up the steps, dread heavy in his stomach and making him feel sick. He pounded on the door and shifted nervously on his feet. "Come on, come on…" he muttered under his breath. Dean was absolutely terrified.

Castiel's mom answered the door a little annoyed that someone was banging so violently on her door but when she saw who it was her annoyance dissolved. "Oh sweetheart." she smiled softly in her soothing English accent. "You must be Dean." she said sweetly, resting a hand on his shoulder, she guided him into the house and shut the door gently after him. She took him into the kitchen and poured a couple glasses of water and made a plate of sandwiches and put them on a tray. "Just go easy, and make sure he eats something." She handed him the tray and pushed him in the direction of the stairs. Castiel was lying on his bed, struggling to breath as he moved and shifted to get comfortable. He could hear Dean with his mom downstairs and let out a breath in relief. He needed his Dean more than anything right now. He needed to hold him and insure nothing bad would happen to him.

Dean didn't know what to say when Castiel's mom opened the door. He stared at her with wide eyes, trying to think of something to say, like maybe introduce himself, but she saved him the trouble by smiling sadly at him and speaking gently as she guided him into the house. So she knew, and she was okay with it. Dean wanted to cry suddenly, but he forced himself not to. She handed him a tray and encouraged him to go upstairs to talk to Castiel, but Dean hesitated and set the plate down on the kitchen counter, looking at her guiltily. "Mrs. Novak," he said shakily, and he cleared his throat and continued miserably, "I'm so sorry. It's my fault," he told her quietly, his voice cracking a little and he looked down to hide the tears forming in his eyes. "It's my fault he got hurt. He didn't do anything wrong. I should've gotten beaten up, not him."

Mrs. Novak shook her head, smiling sadly at the boy. She soon wrapped her arms around him trying to calm Dean. Like a mother should, she hated seeing a child hurt. It took a late morning to the office to pull back the wool over her eyes to how much she'd been missing. She thought Lucifer was the bad child. Without Michael to help Castiel, he'd been dealing with this stuff on his own for goodness how long. And she would never forgive herself for not stopping it sooner. "You couldn't have stopped this, sweetheart. Don't blame yourself for the sins of my son." She smiled sweetly at Dean. "You should have seen his face when he was getting his suit for prom. I haven't seen my boy smile like that in years. And it's all thanks to you." She gave him back the tray and shoved him back towards the stairs. "He needs you, Dean." she said, her tone slightly begging with him to help her son from falling apart.

Dean let himself be hugged by this woman he'd never met before, and he let his tears escape his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her in return. Dean thought of his own mother and how much be missed her, and he realized that Castiel was lucky in one way; to have a kind mother who cared about him and accepted Castiel for the way he was. Dean couldn't even begin imagining what would happen if he told his father he was in a relationship with a guy, and he sighed into Mrs. Novak's soft sweater and inhaled her sweet, motherly scent that reminded him of his own mom. After a long moment they let go of each other and Dean wiped his tears away, looking at her apologetically. He smiled a little when she told him about the prom suit. Then she put the tray in his hands and pushed him gently back in the direction of the stairs, looking sad and worried, and Dean nodded, going up the stairs carefully. When he got to Castiel's room, the door was mostly closed, and he slowly pushed it open and hesitantly walked into the room. He nearly dropped the tray when he saw Castiel. "Oh, Cas," he breathed, horrified and angry and worried and heartbroken all at the same time.

"Dean.." Castiel chocked out. The sight alone of Dean was one of reassurance. Dean was okay. His sides ached when he moved and he was still struggling to breath as bruises formed around his throat but Dean was okay. That was all that mattered. He could feel tears sliding down his cheeks just from pure relief of seeing Dean again. He managed to shuffle to the side and gesture for Dean to sit on the bed. Once he was close enough he took the tray from Dean's hands and placed it on the bedside table. His trembling hands reaching up to cup Dean's face tentatively as he pressed his lips to Dean's needing that comfort that only he could provide.

Dean steadied the tray as Castiel's hands wobbled, and when it was set down Dean carefully sat on the bed beside his boyfriend. Castiel reached up and settled on either side of Dean's face, and Dean covered them with his own as he leaned down to meet Castiel's lips in a gentle kiss. Dean took both of Castiel's hands and sat back a little bit to look at him. There was a hand-shaped bruise around his neck and Castiel looked pale and tired, his face pained and tear-stained. Tears fell from Dean's eyes. "I'm here, Cas." Dean said in a broken voice, stroking his face lightly and swallowing hard.

Castiel let out a shaky breath as he wiped away Dean's tears. He shifted and awkwardly moved Dean to lie beside him on the bed so Castiel could lie next to him. He winced as he moved but it was worth it to be able to curl up with the warmth of his boyfriend lying next to him. "I'm so glad your safe." he sniffed, breathing shakily as tears seeped into Dean's shirt. "I was really worried he'd.." he trailed off, not wanting to think about what happened if Gabriel had found Dean. He was pretty sure Gabriel was going to kill him. A thought occurred that he probably would have done the same thing to Dean. He choked out a sob, clinging to Dean and never wanting to let go.

"Shhh," Dean tried to soothe him as they lay next to each other on the bed. He was careful when he wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist and held him gently, wishing he could do something to take the pain away. He rested his forehead against Castiel's and closed his eyes miserably. "It's okay, baby. I've got you," he murmured. He pressed a soft kiss to Castiel's lips, tasting the salt of tears, and he didn't know whose tears they were. Castiel was trembling, and Dean was reminded of that first night they'd shared in the cabin. They had laid on the bed exactly like this, clinging to each other desperately when there was nowhere else to turn to.

Castiel sniffed, his whole body was shaking. More out of shock than anything. He knew Gabriel was dangerous but he didn't realize he had that venomous streak in him that Lucifer had. He clutched at Dean's shirt, using Dean's comforting words to sooth him. They were okay. They still had each other. He let out a shaky breath as he tried to will his body to relax. Gabriel was gone, he had to keep telling himself. They were safe. Although, if his father ever found out…or Dean's for that matter. He tried not to think about it. "Is Anna okay?" Castiel asked. He'd missed their lunch and if Dean was too busy worrying about Castiel he might not have seen her. So she could have just sat on her own, waiting for the boys and thinking they were playing a prank on her by not showing up. Castiel was suddenly overcome with guilt.

"Anna's fine. She told me text her when I found out what was going on… I'll do that right now so she doesn't have to worry." Dean didn't move away from Cas as he took his phone out of his pocket and typed Anna's number into it. He sent her, "im at castiels house, hes hurt but everythings under control now -dean" Dean put his phone on the bed between them to wait for Anna's reply and carefully placed his arm around Cas again. "Does she know about us?" Dean asked quietly. He still wasn't sure what she'd meant by "seeing Castiel" when they'd been talking in the art room. He didn't mind, of course, because Cas liked her and trusted her, and she seemed like a good person, but he didn't want to have to keep it a secret from her if she already knew.

Castiel let out a breath in relief. He would have felt awful if they'd left her alone. Castiel knew what it felt like to be made the fool. He didn't want Anna to think that of them. Castiel frowned and looked at Dean, "No..I mean I don't think so. Did she say something to you?" Castiel begun to wonder whether he and Dean were just so obvious and everyone knew but didn't say anything. Maybe they did. Castiel groaned and picked up one of the glasses of water with a trembling hand and sipped at it carefully. The cool liquid soothing his throat.

Dean ducked out of the way so Castiel could reach over him and get the water. "I don't know… I was talking to her in the art room after you left and she said something about me 'seeing' you… I don't know what she meant by that." Dean helped Cas set the water back down so it didn't spill, and then settled back down with him. "Do you think we should tell her?" He murmured tentatively. Dean liked Anna; based on the concern she'd shown about Castiel today, she obviously cared about him, and she seemed trustworthy. His phone vibrated and it was a message from Anna that said, "thanks, can i stop by after school?" Dean hesitated and looked at Cas. "She wants to come over in a little while, is that okay?"

Castiel bit his lip, Anna might have meant it like seeing Castiel like a friend but Anna was clever. She was observant. For all Castiel knew she might be aware of them but not brought it up because it wasn't any of her business. That's what Anna was like. Considerate towards others. Castiel shook his head. "Not today, I can't.." Castiel leant back against Dean and sighed. "I just need to sort this out first.."

Dean nodded in understanding and tried to think of a way to kindly let her down. "he said he's not really in the mood for visitors, sorry. i'm leaving in a little while anyway. see you tomorrow" Dean hit send. He wasn't really planning on leaving anytime soon, unless Cas wanted him to, but he didn't want Anna to feel excluded. Dean put his phone back in his pocket and then looked at Castiel's face. "Cas…" he said uncertainly. "Sam knows."

Castiel sighed defeatedly, rubbing a hand over his weary face. "Can we just come out?" Castiel whined. "Excluding our dads..just go for it? I'm fed up of this, Dean." He hid his face in Dean's neck feeling new tears shed. "I just..I don't..I almost died— I can't do this, Dean." Castiel felt his mind crumbling into dust. He could barely speak and his body was incapable of functioning properly. He couldn't think straight. He needed Dean to help him through this.

Dean softly cradled the back of Castiel's head in his hand and stroked his fingers over soft black hair as Castiel cried into Dean's neck. The idea of coming out scared him a little. People would stare and whisper about them. But Dean was tired of hiding in the closet and sneaking around behind people's backs. "If that's what you want, Cas." He murmured. Castiel was falling apart, and Dean needed to be there for him no matter what. They could do this, they had each other and that's all that mattered. "It won't be easy at first, Cas." he warned him.

"I just want to be able to hold my boyfriends hand in the hallway without being physically assaulted." Castiel sniffed, clinging to Dean like his life depended on it. Which, given the circumstances was more or less right. He let out shaky breaths, wheezing slightly as he did so. He stroked his trembling fingers clumsily over Dean's cheek, watching the others eyes. "I don't want to go public. I just want to be safe to do what we want." Castiel whispered, kissing Dean's cheek, as well as his own fingertips in the process.

Dean looked back at Cas carefully. "We can do this." he said, more firmly this time. "Nobody's going to attack us, Cas. And if they do we'll make it clear that it won't stop us from being together. There's nothing wrong with two guys holding hands and kissing in school, and if anybody finds a problem with it, we'll show them they're wrong. Nobody will be able stop us, Cas." Dean sounded more confident than he felt, but he realized he was right. "I'm proud to be your boyfriend, Cas. I want to show you off." He said that last part with a weak smile, and playfully bumped his nose against Castiel's, hoping to get a smile out of him.

Castiel smiled but tears still fell from his cheeks. He was an emotional wreck. The incident had triggered a few memories from the last time one of his brothers tried to kill him. Memories he'd classed as long forgotten. His grip on Dean tightly slightly as he willed away the nightmares of his past. "I want to lie with you in the grass and watch the clouds pass by at lunch." he dreamed, a small smile curving his lips as he thought of nicer thing. Thought of Dean.

Dean smiled in return and kissed Castiel's smiling lips. "That would be nice," he murmured. "I would probably be watching you instead of the clouds, though." He closed his eyes and imagined the two of them, comfortable in each other's presence and not worrying about what people thought. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, and it doesn't matter what people think of us." He said gently.

Castiel chuckled which resulted on him coughing as he choked on gulps of air. He grabbed for the water to clear his thought and sighed at the relief it brought him. He managed to place the glass on the table without Dean's help and ignored the sandwiches. His mom worried too much about his health. He was fine. He just needed rest. He settled back down on the pillow, lacing his fingers with Dean's. "You're the best thing to happen to me too, Dean. You're my fallen angel." he whispered, kissing Dean's knuckles tentatively before taking another deep breath. "Stay with me tonight?" Castiel asked, knowing it was a bit of a long shot but it wouldn't hurt to ask.

Dean rubbed his back soothingly and frowned in concern as Castiel coughed, but the water helped and Castiel calmed down and snuggled closer to Dean and watched as Cas laced their fingers together and kissed his fingers. "I'm not going anywhere." Dean answered firmly. Castiel needed him tonight, and Dean couldn't leave him alone after what had happened. He didn't want to be anywhere else. He blushed a little when he remembered Castiel's mom. "Your mom won't mind?" He asked hesitantly.

Castiel shook his head, "As long as my dad thinks its a sleepover it'll be fine." Castiel closed his eyes, trying to ignore what the man would do if he found out about Dean. He was a violent man, not as bad as his brothers but he angered easily. When poked in just the right spot there was no telling what he was capable of. "I'll just let her know you're staying." Castiel said, sitting up in the bed, wincing as he did so to stand up and head downstairs.

Dean winced when Castiel did and sat up with him, shaking his head. "No, you need to lie down. I'll tell her." He gently eased Cas back down to the bed and pulled the covers over him. He sat on the edge of the bed and stroked his face gently. "You're lucky to have her," he said wistfully, with a small smile. "She told me you needed to eat something," he nodded to the sandwiches and stood up. "I'll be right back." Dean kissed Castiel's forehead and then went downstairs to find Mrs. Novak.

Castiel groaned but didn't protest too much, he looked at the sandwiches with distaste and closed his eyes to fall into a light sleep. Mrs. Novak was flicking through magazines, she'd taken the day off work to look after her boy and was content with sitting on the side lines and letting Dean take care of love would only aid Castiel so far. What the boys had for each other was stronger and clearly what Castiel needed. So when Dean came down the stairs she frowned with worry, "Is everything alright, sweetheart?"

Dean hesitantly stepped towards her and met her eyes. "Yeah, everything's fine. I just…" He blushed and looked down. "Is it okay if I spend the night here?" He hoped Mrs. Novak understood why he needed to. Castiel didn't want to be alone and Dean wanted to comfort him as much as he could. They needed each other, and he hoped Mrs. Novak could see it because it was too difficult to explain.

Mrs Novak looked hesitant but nodded with a sweet smile. She wanted her son to get better. He was too old to have his mother holding him until he fell asleep. He needed someone else, he needed Dean. That still didn't excuse her reluctance to let another boy sleep in the same room as her son. She was still protective of her little boy but she supposed he was of that age and growing up. "I'll bring you boys some dinner later" she smiled, ushering Dean to turn back around and back up the steps.

Dean smiled tentatively and sighed in relief. "Thank you," he said to her, and then walked back up the stairs to Castiel's room, but he saw that Castiel had dozed off. Dean smiled and quietly walked over to the dresser and began opening drawers until he found some sweatpants and an old tee shirt and he changed into the more comfortable clothes that smelled like Castiel and laundry soap, not wanting to get in bed wearing jeans and his button-down shirt. He folded his own clothes carefully and set them on the floor at the foot of the bed before crawling over Castiel and settling himself behind him this time, so Castiel's back was pressed against Dean's chest and they were spooning. He pulled the covers up over them and kissed the back of Castiel's neck softly.

Mrs Novak came up a few hours later with some food but found the boys curled up asleep together. She smiled warmly and decided not to wake them and took the food back downstairs. When Mr Novak came home she explained what had happened, excluding the part about Castiel's sexual orientation knowing her husbands opinion on the matter. Castiel stirred in his sleep, tugging Dean closer as he awoke to the sun glaring in through the curtains. They'd have to be at school soon…Castiel blinked when he realized Dean had stayed. "You stayed" Castiel smiled softly, kissing Dean's forehead.

Dean woke up to a kiss on the forehead and Castiel's voice. "Of course I stayed," he grumbled sleepily, pulling Castiel closer and burying his face in his shoulder to hide from the bright sunlight pouring into the room. He took a deep breath, inhaling Castiel's familiar scent, and then started to drift back off to sleep. He knew it was Friday and they had school, but he didn't want to get up. Dean never was a morning person.

"Might not have been the best of ideas, now I have no need to go to school..you're already here." Castiel murmured against Dean's skin. His mom was on her way to work and quickly popped her head round the door. She was in a neat fitting business suit and held her hand out to Castiel's forehead. Castiel wrinkled his nose at her cool touch and looked up at her bleary eyed. "I phone the school and they are vaguely aware of the situation. Your father and I decided Gabriel is to live with Michael until further notice so he won't be near you or Dean." She raised an eyebrow at Dean who had his face pressed into Castiel's neck. She looked more amused than anything. "Are you going to be alright to go to school?" Castiel nodded in response and Mrs Novak smiled sweetly and left the room "Have a good day, boys."

Dean heard Mrs. Novak come in and start talking to Castiel, and Dean blushed and hid his face even more in Castiel's neck and pretended to still be asleep. It was really odd having someone else know about him and Cas, especially since it was Castiel's mother. Dean wished he'd met her under better circumstances than this, and he wondered if this counted as the "meet your boyfriend's parents" thing. He really hoped there wasn't going to be an awkward dinner when they questioned Dean's intentions towards their son and everything. Especially since there was still the issue of Castiel's dad and Balthazar, and Dean looked up at Cas in alarm at that thought. "What about Balthazar?" He asked urgently when Castiel's mom had left.

Castiel shrugged as he carefully sat up and scratched at his head. "Balthazar..I'm not sure. He can be troubling but it's usually under the influence of Gabriel. Having them separated might make matters easier." Castiel kissed Dean's forehead. "He may taunt us but he won't tell father, I've seen him indulge in far worse things. He has too much to risk by telling anyone." Castiel sat up and braced himself by the bed as he stood up and got changed quickly as possible without hurting his bruised skin too much

Dean nodded and let go of Castiel so he could get out of bed. He moved stiffly and held himself up on the bed, and Dean watched him get undressed. When he took his shirt off, Dean gasped at the bruising on his torso; it was worse than he'd ever seen it before. "Jesus, Cas!" He exclaimed and quickly untangled his legs from the sheets and hurried over to him to look at the bruises. "Are you sure you can go to school like this?" He asked, frowning as he stared at the fresh bruises on Castiel's chest and stomach. He felt horrible, he'd had no idea it was this bad.

Castiel frowned at Dean, wondering what the big deal was. Castiel always had bruises, there was nothing new about that. He should have gone to the bathroom to avoid showing Dean. He quickly shrugged on a pale grey t-shirt and dark grey jeans. "I'm fine." he insisted though it was clear he wasn't _fine._ "I just need to get out the house for a bit. If I feel too sick I'll come straight home." he said, assuring Dean as much as himself. He pressed a kiss to Dean's cheek before cautiously going into the bathroom and brushing his teeth, keeping one eye on the door just in case.

Dean looked at him uncertainly, but then he nodded. Castiel kissed his cheek and Dean quickly returned the kiss to Castiel's cheek before he could walk away to the bathroom. When Castiel was brushing his teeth, Dean picked up his clothes, which were wrinkled and he didn't want to wear the same stuff to school for two days in a row. He dropped them on the bed and then went over to Castiel's dresser again to find something to wear, smiling to himself that he was going to borrow his boyfriend's clothes. He hoped Cas wouldn't mind. He carefully pawed through the drawers and found some fresh boxers, an olive green tee shirt, and some faded jeans. The clothes fit a little snug, but it was fine. Castiel was a bit smaller than him, after all.

Castiel returned and his jaw almost hit the floor. "That's just not fair." he pouted slightly, taking in the sight of Dean in _his _clothes. He was almost tempted to take him right there and then until his head began to throb and his limbs ached. Perhaps that wouldn't be such a good idea. He picked up his artwork which his mother had thankfully put to the side out of harms way and looked up at Dean. "Do you have your car? I mean, we could go on my motorcycle if you want..how do you want to do this?" he asked, leading Dean downstairs to leave for school early before Balthazar got up.

Dean chuckled. "I've never been on a motorcycle before," He said thoughtfully as he walked down the stairs. He left his clothes on Castiel's bed. "Whatever you want to do. It depends on whether we're coming out or still keeping it secret." He said quietly, so nobody else in the house would hear. His stomach growled… he hadn't eaten since breakfast yesterday, he realized. "Also, can we get food?" He pleaded.

Castiel handed Dean a helmet and smiled softly at him. "The canteen opens before school starts, I'm sure we can get something there." he said, not wanting to stick around his house too long. He put his painting in the compartment under the seat and straddled the bike, stretching his limbs as he adjusted to moving around with his injuries. He put on his helmet and started the engine giving Dean a timid smile.

Dean got his backpack out of his car and put it on, then grinned and strapped on the helmet. "This is so awesome," he said excitedly as he sat on the motorcycle right behind Cas and wrapped his arms around Castiel's middle. He hesitated and leaned sideways to look at Castiel's face. "Am I hurting you?" He asked worriedly, not wanting to put too much pressure on the badly bruised skin on Castiel's torso.

Castiel smiled at Dean's child-like behaviour, wincing slightly as Dean wrapped his arms around him. He adjusted Dean's hold on him slightly so he wasn't hurting him as much and drove slowly at first before picking up speed a little as they rode to school. Castiel was a little nervous about turning up to school with Dean wrapped around him. He was glad they'd gotten their early. This way they could work their way up to large crowds, just get used to the idea of being together in public first before being bombarded with curious looks. Once in the parking lot, Castiel took off his helmet and looked back at Dean smiling brightly. "I thought we'd get some food and go sit in the art rooms?" Castiel suggested as he took out his painting once Dean had stood up.

"Good, I'm starving." Dean said with a grin, bracing his hand on Castiel's thigh for balance as he swung his leg over the motorcycle and stood up. He took the helmet off and ran a hand over his hair to fix it, but he decided it was probably too messed up anyway so he just gave up. He smiled at Castiel and kissed his cheek without looking around them first. He was still nervous, and it would take some time getting used to, but it made him really happy that he could do this now.

Castiel blushed, looking down at the floor as Dean kissed his cheek. He suppressed the need to giggle in triumph and bit the inside of his cheek as he began to walk towards the canteen. He bought them each a bacon roll and orange juice, insisting he pay since Dean had paid for lunch the previous day. He put the helmets in his locker on the way to art and lay out his painting next to the others as he nibbled on his breakfast. He'd finally finished the three paintings and he smiled at them with pride. "My fallen angel" Castiel hummed happily to himself, looking between Dean and the paintings. "L'ange déchu" Castiel announced, the title for the series

Dean walked with Castiel through the nearly empty school and munched on his food. When they reached the art room and Castiel displayed all three of his finished paintings together, Dean smiled at the pride in his eyes and walked to stand behind him so he could look at the artwork from over Castiel's shoulder. He rested his chin on his boyfriend's shoulder and placed his hands on either side of his waist, avoiding the bruised spots, and turned his face to press a kiss to Castiel's temple. "Perfect." He said, meaning more than just Castiel's artwork.

Castiel leaned into the touch, humming with content but still blushing when Dean kissed him. It felt odd to do such gestures so openly but it felt surprisingly nice to be able to hold Dean and touch him whenever he wanted without worrying about the consequences. He finished his food and put his artwork away on his shelf. He came and sat on the table where his artwork was a minute ago and pulled Dean to stand between his legs as he kissed him tenderly and a little shyly. This was all so new and frightening to him yet he felt so excited to be experiencing this with Dean.

Dean stepped close to Castiel and placed his hands on his bent knees as he leaned up to kiss him slowly. His heart was pounding, and he couldn't believe they were doing this in school. He knew there was nobody in the art room, but if somebody walked in they would probably pull back and blush just like any other young couple kissing in an empty room. They could finally be themselves in school, and it was exciting. Dean leaned closer and slid his hands up Castiel's legs just a few inches so they were resting lightly on his thighs for balance as they kissed.

Castiel gasped, feeling Dean hands slide up his thighs and a pool of warmth settled in the pit of his stomach. He laced his fingers with Dean's moving his hands away slightly. He didn't want them to get too carried away in case someone came in. As if on cue, Anna tiptoed into the room and offered them a small smile in greetings. She placed her stuff down and came and stood by Dean and Castiel, not in the least bothered by the fact they were doing stuff that was more than friends. "Cas, are you alright?" she asked quietly with concern. Castiel kept hold of Dean's hands not letting him step away. If there was anyone they could be comfortable around, it would be Anna. "I'm fine." he assured with a small smile.

Dean blushed when he realized Anna was in the room now. He wanted to step away but Castiel was holding his hands still, so he hid his face in Castiel's shoulder for a moment instead. He couldn't stop smiling. After Anna and Castiel's small exchange, Dean lifted his head and grinned shyly at her. "Sorry about lunch yesterday," he said, "We can make up for it today, if you want," Dean suggested, looking back and forth between Anna and Cas hopefully.

Anna nodded before smiling, excited by the idea. "I'd like that." she said quietly. Castiel felt more at ease than he ever had. He had his boyfriend by his side and his new friend accepting that and seeming genuinely happy to be seen with them. Castiel found himself wanting lunch to come sooner than ever. Anna then back away back to her stuff, not wanting to intrude on their moment now that she knew Castiel was okay. The school bell went and Castiel took a deep breath and looked up at Dean, blushing and squeezing the other's hand. "Ready?"

Dean's heart fluttered with nervous excitement. They were going to do this. The halls were soon crowded, and everybody was going to see them together. He curled his fingers around Castiel's and squeezed back, also taking a deep breath as he nodded and smiled. He put his hands on Castiel's waist and pulled him forward so he jumped off the table and landed right in front of Dean, their faces inches apart, and Dean leaned forward a little and kissed him firmly. "I'm ready."

Castiel was nervous but Dean's kiss gave him a shot of confidence that nothing else mattered. It was just them. He squeezed Dean's hand and gave a nod to Anna in goodbye and headed out the door and into the hallway. Castiel stood close to Dean and holding his hand tightly as if it were a life line.

Castiel was holding his hand so tightly that it hurt, and he could feel people staring at them in varying degrees of confusion and surprise, but nobody actually looked bothered by it yet. Dean leaned close and whispered in Castiel's ear, "Relax. It's okay, see? Nobody's mad." There was definitely going to be talk. Hell, they'd probably be the main story circulating through the halls by the end of the day. "But you're seriously hurting my fingers, man." he muttered, and managed to pry his hand loose and put his arm around Castiel's waist instead, which was better. He smiled at him reassuringly.

Castiel mumbled an apology and blushed in embarrassment. He was so nervous, he was excited to finally be by Dean's side but images of Gabriel smacking him against the bathroom wall kept flashing through his mind and worry and doubt began to seep through. He placed his hand over Dean's when he placed it on his waist and made sure he didn't grip at his skin too tightly. He could feel eyes watching them but he tried to ignore it as they walked to class.

Just to make a point to everybody who was looking at them in confusion as if they didn't quite understand why they were walking with their arms around each other, Dean leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to Castiel's temple. A girl, Ruby, fell in step beside them with a shocked expression. "You guys are _dating_?" She asked, looking back and forth between them in disbelief. Dean grinned and nodded, glancing at Cas who looked uncomfortable. He gave him a reassuring squeeze. Ruby smiled. "Wow, that's a bit of a surprise." She patted Dean on the shoulder and told them, "You're cute together." and then she pranced off and disappeared into the crowd. "Ruby's okay," Dean said to Cas with a small smile. "She just doesn't have a filter."

Castiel bit his lip but felt safe by Dean's side. He didn't look at Ruby properly, feeling his old shy, paranoid self creep back in. He smiled up at Dean once Ruby had left. Castiel let his hand slide comfortably around Dean's waist, feeling the fabric of his own clothes fit snug around Dean's muscular body. It shouldn't have been that appealing but it was, seeing his boyfriend in _his _clothes. They walked until Castiel had to leave for Math. He timidly leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to Dean's lips. It felt like time had completely stopped, his heart was beating erratically in his chest. He pulled away smiling shyly, "See you at lunch." He walked into Math, hiding his idiotic smile from Dean.

Dean grinned as he felt Castiel's hand slide to his waist over his borrowed shirt, and Dean let out a breath, feeling more relaxed and confident now. They'd done it. When they reached the Math room and had to part ways Castiel turned to Dean and kissed him on the lips, and Dean smiled stupidly and returned the kiss, not looking anywhere but Cas. "See you at lunch." He replied, and they separated and Castiel walked away. Dean kept going, feeling alone and exposed without Castiel at his side, but nobody was giving him any trouble. Word spread fast, and many people had just seen the kiss, but Dean acted like it was nothing out of the ordinary. He greeted his classmates as he usually did when he passed people he knew in the hall. Some people looked at him like they'd never seen him before, but others just shrugged it off and treated him normally, which was a huge relief. He walked into English and sat down in his usual desk, receiving several curious looks, but he just glanced at the people looking at him and smiled, nodding hello to them, and they smiled back and looked away.

Castiel kept his head down in math, a few people had seen the kiss and Castiel was beginning to feel a little lost without Dean by his side to tell him everything was okay. Jo glared daggers at him but that was no surprise, a few days ago she'd been one step away from jumping him. The thought made Castiel shudder, at least she'd backed off now. He didn't know how to deal with unwanted female attention, at least he didn't have to bother trying now. A few people gave him comforting smiles and Castiel smiled politely back. He hardly knew these people but they were being nice to him. Maybe there was hope after all. Math went by painfully slow and Castiel felt like jumping out the window just as means of escape. Once the lesson was over, Castiel escaped to the main hall. They had started preparing for the latest show; West Side Story. They were starting auditions next week and they wanted part of the set painted for them to use as a visual for their potential sharks and jets. So Castiel hobbled over to Anna with a small smile and spent the rest of the morning painting cardboard buildings.

During his free period, which Dean had second, he made his way to the art room. Lisa found him in the hallway and gave him a hurt look. "Is it true?" She demanded, "Are you _gay_?" Dean grinned at her and shrugged casually. "Apparently." he said with a smirk, and continued walking. Lisa stood staring at him in frustration and standing in the middle of the hallway, and people walking by looked at her in amusement. The most popular girl in school had just been dumped. Dean felt a little bad, but not enough to care, and he kept his head up proudly as he walked away with a small smile playing on his features. When Dean got into the art room, he found Castiel and Anna on their hands and knees on the floor, painting buildings and city scenery on huge pieces of cardboard. A bunch of other art students were working on similar tasks, and Dean, not wanting to step on the wet paint, straddled a chair again and sat facing them to watch.

Castiel looked up to see Dean watching them, he swallowed thickly as Dean's intense gaze sent shivers down his spine. "Hello, Dean." he smiled quietly, paint already smeared across his cheeks. When it came to painting, Castiel was a bit like a five year old. He just got it _everywhere. _Anna looked up from behind her hair and gave Dean a small, shy smile before returning to her detailed work. Anna looked at Castiel and whispered in his ear, not wanting to shout across to Dean and draw attention to herself. "Has he thought about auditioning?" Castiel blinked for a moment before raising a surprised eyebrow at Dean. He looked back at Anna and looked up at Dean. "I don't know, but he should." Castiel smiled softly. Anna nodded in agreement and went back to her work. Castiel gestured for Dean to come sit beside him with an outstretched grabby hand.

Dean watched them whispering with a bemused expression. They were clearly talking about him and it made Dean blush a little, but then Castiel gestured with a painty hand, and Dean laughed. Castiel looked like a little kid, with grey paint smeared everywhere on him and making a grabby hand towards Dean. Dean grinned at Cas and carefully walked over to him, not wanting to step on any of the scenery. He kneeled beside Cas and sat back on his heels, watching Anna paint. He frowned in mock disgust at Castiel's paint-covered face, and wondered how he'd even managed to do that, and then kissed his cheek on a spot where he could actually see Castiel's skin. "This is really cool," Dean said, referring to the buildings they were working on.

"It's for the show." Castiel mentioned casually, wondering whether he should bring up whether Dean was going to audition or not. He continued painting for a while, adding in the detail over the basic grey colour. After a while he turned back up to look up at Dean with a curious smile. "Are you going to try-out?" he whispered so no one could overhear and start a rumour about Dean. That's how these things usually started. He didn't want Dean to have any more attention on him than he did already. Anna tilted her head slightly, so she could hear the answer but continued painting as if she wasn't even listening.

Dean blushed and shrugged. "I dunno," he mumbled shyly. After Anna had mentioned it to him, Dean had been thinking about it a lot. He wondered if it would even be a good idea, because people might just assume he was turning into one of those gay hipster drama geeks, but he'd decided to leave his past reputation behind, so it didn't really matter what people thought. Auditions were next week, and Dean had never auditioned for anything before in his life. "I'm thinking about it," he said, still blushing and not looking at either Cas or Anna.

Castiel nodded and kissed Dean's cheek without getting paint on him. "I'll support you, whatever you decide." he assured, murmuring into Dean's ear before leaning back and continuing to paint. Anna hid behind her hair, smiling to herself that she was a part of a little group. Castiel stuck his tongue out in concentration as he started working on the windows.

Dean sighed happily and changed his position so he was sitting cross legged and leaning his chin on his hands. He liked watching Castiel work. Dean could see the tip of his tongue poking out as he focused on painting the windows. "Hey, you've got a pretty good voice, Cas. Maybe you should audition, too." He leaned closer and murmured jokingly, "Maybe one of us will be cast as Maria and the other one cast as Tony."

Anna looked up in interest, she'd never heard Castiel sing before. "That's a great idea." she said enthusiastically, ignoring Dean's last comment. Castiel bit his lip and blushed deeply, "Dean..I've never sung to an audience before. " he said, also ignoring Dean's comment. He'd only sung to two people. His grande-mere and Dean. He could feel himself shying away just thinking about it. "Besides..I've never acted before."

Dean grinned at Anna and nodded proudly. "He's good," he told her, and then said to Castiel, "Well… neither have I," he admitted, "But it might be fun. I don't know, I'm actually considering it." Dean thought for a moment, and then suddenly remembered something. Every year before the musical, the arts department held a talent show to display all the talented kids in the school, and it was mostly singing and dancing. People often auditioned in pairs or groups. "Hey, I've got an idea," Dean said, "The talent show's tonight. I know it's really short notice but maybe we could just audition for that, you know, just to see how it is. You can play your guitar and we can do a song together if you want." Dean was starting to feel like his life was a movie, one of those cliche high school items like High School Musical or something. He didn't really care though, because he was enjoying it.

Castiel bit his lip uncertainly, looking between Dean and Anna, both of them staring at him expectantly. He sighed deeply, "Yeah, okay. Fine." He made it sound like more of a burden than anything but secretly, Castiel was a little intrigued. It might be nice to sing with his boyfriend. Truly show off his Dean for everyone to see. And if he had to sing backup vocals to Dean then, he supposed that would be worth it. "We can practise at lunch if you want?" Castiel offered, continuing to paint. Anna looked happy at that, seeing as they were all going to hang out at lunch. She'd get to see their talent first hand.

Dean's eyes widened in surprise. He hadn't thought Cas was actually going to agree with it, just like that. "Really?" He asked excitedly, and a little disbelievingly. Wow, they were really doing this. He grabbed Castiel's chin and turned his head so he could kiss him firmly on the mouth, heart fluttering excitedly. "Yeah, bring your guitar." He said. Dean looked up at Anna, still grinning. "You should hear him play guitar. He never took any lessons and he's freaking _amazing_." He said to her proudly.

Castiel blushed and looked around but no one seemed to be paying them any attention. He chuckled nervously and leaned forward to whisper in Dean's ear. "I'll borrow the schools..mine is still in the cabin." He looked at Anna and shook his head modestly, "I'm not that good. You should hear him sing. Voice of an angel." Anna just smiled with amusement as the other two argued at who was better. "I'll look forward to hearing it." she smiled, hiding behind her hair again as she want back to painting.

Dean blushed and ducked his head down. "Uh…" he said, suddenly shy, and looked up at Castiel with a small smile. He glanced at the clock, and realized there were only about 15 minutes left of his free period, and he still had to go tell the drama director that he and Castiel wanted to be in the talent show, and hopefully they'd be allowed in last minute. "I should go," he said reluctantly. "I need to talk to Miss Harvelle and see if she'll even let us in the talent show." He kissed Castiel's cheek again quickly before standing up and saying, "See you guys at lunch." And he slowly walked out of the room, smiling over his shoulder at both of them.

Castiel blushed when Dean kissed him again. It was something he wasn't sure he'd get used to in public but it felt nice to be able to do so. He smiled at Dean as he left and Anna smiled too, before they both returned to painting the buildings. "I'm glad you found someone that makes you happy, Castiel." Anna whispered with a small smiled tugging at her lips. Castiel blushed and grinned idiotically. They worked in silence until lunch and he and Anna washed up and headed to the music room to pick up a guitar before heading off to the tree. Anna leaned against the tree, tucking her knees up against her chest and leaning her chin on her knees. Castiel lay in the grass in front of her and plucked absently at the strings looking up at the clouds.

When lunch finally came, Dean went outside and saw Cas and Anna already there. He jogged over and plopped himself down next to them. They both looked relaxed and content, Anna with her chin resting on her knees gazing at Castiel, who was on his back picking the strings quietly as he stared up at the sky. "Hey," Dean greeted them with a soft smile. This was his new group, now. These were the people he wanted to spend his time with. It was nice to be himself and not have to worry about upholding his reputation anymore.

Anna lifted her head slightly to look up at Dean. "Hey," she greeted quietly. Castiel was in his own little world, humming softly as he played a simple tune quietly on the guitar. It wasn't until a moment later he felt like someone was watching. He looked over to see Dean sat next Anna. He smiled shyly and blushed with embarrassment for being so caught up in his own little world. He winced as he sat up, his bruises still pulling at the tender skin. "Hey." He leaned over and kissed Dean's cheek.

Dean looked at Castiel worriedly as he winced while sitting up, but he didn't bring attention to it. He smiled idiotically when Cas kissed his cheek, the excitement of going public not having worn off. Dean settled into a more comfortable position close to Cas and kind of behind him so he wasn't in front of the neck of the guitar. They were both facing Anna, the three of them sitting in a little circle, Dean brushed a blade of grass off Castiel's shoulder. "So. What song should we do?" He asked both of them.

Anna shrugged, just happy to be able to watch. Castiel bit his lip thinking of songs for them to sing. The songs that came to mind where all the ones they'd danced to in the cabin. So close, Perfect, and Bound To You..but none of them seemed appropriate to sing to the entire school. Especially since they just came out, it was bound to cause more attention than necessary. "Uprising by Muse?" Castiel suggested, remembering how they'd danced and sung to it together before. The thought made him blush and he had to bite his lip to stop from smiling so much.

Dean nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah. I was kind of thinking something a little slower, something we can really put emotion into. Like Simple Man. We could do a really nice acoustic cover of that." It was the first song they'd ever sung together. Dean had to admit that was one of his favorite songs, but he also really liked Castiel's choice. "How about we do both?" he suggested with an excited grin. "Some people in the talent show do a few songs," He suggested, and both of the songs would really showcase their talent. Uprising would give Castiel a chance to show off his unbelievable guitar skills while the actual song wasn't all about the vocals, and Simple Man would highlight Dean's voice. It was a good combination, and neither of the songs were actually about romance and love or anything like that, so it wouldn't be to cheesy.

Castiel bit his lip, considering it. "Let's do Simple Man first, if they don't completely hate us we can do the other one." Castiel took a deep breath, feeling the sharpness of the air go straight to his lungs and made his chest feel cold. He was still having a little difficulty with his bruises if he sat a certain but he was used to it after resting yesterday. Which he had Dean to thank for. He started playing the tune quietly on his guitar, strumming out the rhythm as he kept his head bowed over the guitar and waited for Dean to kick in with the lyrics.

Dean was a little nervous about singing in front of both of them, so he closed his eyes and pretended there was nobody there, and he just sang. He sang quietly at first, but as the song progressed to the first chorus he got more confident and sang out, his voice clear and rough at the same time. Castiel played the guitar steadily and Dean could easily follow him. When he was singing, it was like he forgot where he was, and it was just his voice and the guitar mixing together, hauntingly beautiful.

( watch?v=uUscM3C—xY ahhhhh i imagine they sound like this, so beautiful omg)

Castiel had to remember to keep playing because Dean's voice just blew him away. He looked over at him briefly. His eyes were closed and his head nodding slightly in time to the song. Castiel smiled widely, he looked beautiful. It took all of his energy not to kiss him and keep playing. Anna watched with wide eyes, clearly not expecting that to be the result. Castiel smirked with amusement and plucked at the strings experimentally when Dean stopped singing in between verses, creating a slightly unique twist to the verses tune.

(God, I love Shinedown..this is awesome)

When the song ended and Dean's voice faded out to nothing with the guitar, Dean opened his eyes and stared at the ground in shock for a moment, mouth slightly open. He slowly looked up at Castiel with an awed smile. "Whoa." he breathed, "That was amazing," he said. Dean had actually gotten a little emotional during the song, and he'd forgotten everything for a moment. They had sounded great together, Castiel's guitar and Dean's voice blending perfectly, and Anna was gaping at them with wide eyes. Dean took a deep breath and blushed a little, biting his lip. Anna was speechless.

Castiel was still playing the guitar for a moment when he realized Dean had stopped singing. He stopped abruptly, blushing as he looked over at Dean. He put the guitar on the ground and reached over to kiss Dean firmly on the lips, his hand resting in Dean's hair and the other in the grass to keep his balance. "If you don't get Tony I'm going to be very surprised." he murmured close to Dean's lips before kissing him softly again -because he could. He leaned back and sat back down in the grass where he had been and hid his smile from the other two, feeling ridiculous.

Anna smiled as she watched them together, causing Dean to blush and look at the ground shyly. The kiss had left his heart fluttering, and Dean wondered if kissing Castiel would ever stop feeling so new and thrilling. He doubted it, because they'd done much more than just kissing, and the simple kisses hadn't worn off the excitement yet. He smiled over at Castiel. Anna nodded enthusiastically in agreement to Castiel's statement. "Wow," she breathed. "You're Tony, Dean." She said it like she was sure, and Dean blushed deeper and ran his hand over his head. "No," he mumbled, "I don't think that's going to happen, I've never even been in drama club before, and I can't dance for my life so I doubt they'd cast me as the lead, and I'm not _that _good at singing…" he said modestly, not fishing for compliments but simply saying it like it was. He knew several people in drama club and he'd seen them preform, and Dean knew he could never measure up to that amount of practiced talent.

"You've got the confidence, Dean." Castiel argued. He'd seen the way Dean strutted around like he owned the place. If he just told himself he could do it chances were he probably could. "As for dancing I'm sure they'll help you out. You're an amazing singer…" Castiel shuffled a little closer to Dean, wincing as he did so but ignoring his throbbing limbs. He leaned against Dean's side, wrapping an arm timidly around Dean's waist. "You've got the right build for Tony too." he whispered into Dean's ear so Anna couldn't hear. "So muscular" he breathed, playing absently with Dean's hair. "And handsome"

Dean leaned into Castiel and smiled in embarrassment, still blushing, and rolled his eyes at Anna apologetically. He shivered a bit as Castiel's breath ghosted over his ear and neck and his fingers played in Dean's hair. "Stop it," he muttered, frowning good-naturedly and pecking Castiel's cheek. "I barely have the confidence to do this talent show tonight." He's spoken with Miss Harvelle about them joining the talent show. She was surprised, but let them do it when Dean told her what their act was. The show was at 7:00, and Dean felt his stomach clench nervously.

Castiel beamed, leaning his head against Dean's shoulder, keeping his arm around Dean's waist. "Well it's true." Castiel smiled. He looked up uncertainly at Dean. If he didn't have the confidence for this he wasn't sure how he would be able to do this. But he pushed through it, knowing they would do this together. Just like everything else they'd done. And he really wanted Dean to audition for the musical. He wanted people to know how talented he was. He wanted to show him off to the world and maybe doing the talent show will make Dean see how fun it could be. Even if Castiel was on the verge of throwing up with nerves. "It'll be okay." he murmured, closing his eyes as he rested against Dean.

Dean huffed a soft laugh and draped an arm around Castiel's shoulders so he wouldn't hurt the bruises. "Yeah." He agreed. He leaned his head on top of Castiel's and sighed contentedly. It was nice, being out here in the sunshine with Castiel and Anna, and Dean didn't want to back inside. Luckily they still had quite a bit of time left in the period, and he could relax. Dean looked at Anna curiously. "Do you sing?" He asked her. He barely knew anything about her, because she was so shy and quiet, and Dean was hoping to get her out of her shell a little bit.

Anna shook her head, "Art is more my talent." She bit her lip, realizing she sounded a bit big headed. Castiel just smiled, his eyes still closed and pressed against Dean's shoulder, smelling both himself and Dean on his clothes. He could feel himself beginning to fall asleep a little. He was comfortable and Dean's arm around him felt nice and comforting in comparison to his aching side. Anna hugged her knees closer to her chest and smiled shyly up at Dean. "My brother's the musician in our family." she added quietly.

Dean nodded in understanding and smiled at her. She was really talented with art. "Does your brother go to our school?" He asked. He felt a little bad for not even knowing who her brother was, but he was eager to learn more about Anna and get to know her better. Dean absently stroked his hand up and down Castiel's arm, skating his fingers lightly over the skin and feeling goosebumps and the little hairs rise up as he touched Castiel.

Castiel hummed, half-asleep and content with Dean holding him like this. Anna nodded, watching Castiel briefly before looking back up Dean. She didn't say anything, just nodded. She wasn't the biggest talker. She preferred to watch and listen as people talked around her so she found it a bit weird that she was being asked things directly. She could hear the school bell faintly in the distances and stood up swiftly. "I should get back." she smiled and headed off to return to the art rooms.

"Okay," Dean replied softly as Anna got up and walked away, and he followed her curiously with his eyes until he couldn't see her anymore. Dean grinned down at Cas and kissed his forehead. "Hey, Cas. Wakey wakey. The bell rang." He didn't actually want to go back to class when they were so comfortable like this, but everybody else was heading inside and Dean knew they'd have to go back.


	10. Chapter 10

Castiel moaned in protest, trying to hide his face in Dean's neck to find the warmth but it was no use. He sighed, and removed his arm from Dean's waist and pushed it against the grass as he stood up. He stumbled slightly, feeling light-headed and slumped against the tree as he got his barrings. He felt his side throb in protest with the sudden movement and he cursed under his breath.

Dean was on his feet and at Castiel's side in an instant, a worried frown on his face as his heart thudded anxiously "Cas, you okay?" He asked, placing a hand on Castiel's shoulder and looking at him fearfully. "Is it the bruises? Maybe we shouldn't do the talent show tonight, I don't know if you're up for it..." Dean said worriedly.

Castiel put his hand over Dean's, looking with Dean with what he hoped was a smile. "I just got up too quick, that's all. I'll be fine." he assured, lacing his fingers with Dean's and moving their hands to swing between them. "Come on, I'll walk you to class." he smiled softly, tugging Dean towards the school.

Dean sighed in relief but he was still a little worried. He slung his backpack on with one shoulder as Castiel picked up his guitar and they walked back into school holding hands easily. "So, how was your morning? Nobody gave you any trouble, right?' Dean asked in concern as they neared the building. He didn't think there had been any problems, because he would have been able to tell by looking at Castiel's face, but he just wanted to make sure.

"Jo didn't look too happy but everyone seems really nice about it." Castiel shrugged. He looked over to see Dean looking worried. Castiel smirked when he came up with an idea to take the look off his face. He leaned up on his toes and kissed Dean softly just before going into the building. "Stop worrying, I'm okay." Castiel smiled

Dean looked at Castiel happily after he kissed him, and nodded, feeling reassured. "Good, I'm glad." They walked into the building hand in hand with their fingers interlaced like couples always did, and Dean looked down at their hands with a smile and then back up at Castiel's face. Their eyes met briefly and Dean couldn't resist leaning in for a quick kiss, now that he could. They were in a hallway crowded with people, but it didn't matter.

Castiel blushed when Dean kissed him and looked down at the floor, taking sneaky glances up at Dean now and then. He walked him to Chemistry. "I have to go help with the sets." he said sadly. He'd rather spend his time with Dean but he needed to do his part for the show. He reached up and kissed Dean's cheek, lingering for a moment before pulling away. "Meet me by my motorcycle after school" Castiel murmured, letting go of Dean's hand and heading back the way they came to the art rooms.

Dean grinned and poked his nose into Castiel's cheek playfully. Two girls walked by them on their way into the classroom and looked at them, and then smiled at each other open-mouthed and with raised eyebrows, as if Dean and Cas were the cutest thing they'd ever seen, and one of them whispered something to the other as they walked in the room and they smiled at Dean and Cas again. It made Dean blush and he briefly his his face in Castiel's neck. "People think we're adorable," he murmured. "See you after school," he said as Castiel walked away, and then Dean walked into the classroom, still blushing and smiling a little. The two girls looked at him again and he grinned at them shyly and sat down at his desk to begin Chemistry. He had no idea how Castiel managed to get out of class without getting in trouble, and then he remembered that Cas was super smart and teachers let him do what he wanted because of his good grades.

Castiel felt bad about leaving Dean in class but he could easily catch up and he really needed to help out with the sets. Not many people could afford to miss their lessons and so it was taking longer to get the work finished so Castiel wanted to help in any way that he could. Plus it meant he didn't have to sit through a lesson of being taught stuff he already knew. He went into art and smiled softly when he saw Anna curled up on the floor and painting the details on one of the cardboard sets. He came and sat by her setting into the work in comfortable silence.

Anna watched Castiel out of the corner of her eye and smiled to herself. He used to be so sad all the time, and so alone, but now he had someone that made him happy and Anna was glad for that. There was a small ghost of a smile on his lips all the time now, and it warmed Anna's heart to see him looking so bright and alive. She didn't understand Castiel and Dean's relationship, because they were so different from each other and never talked until about two weeks ago, and somehow they'd started dating. Anna would never have guessed that the two of them would get together. She was curious, and she bit her lip and hesitated before asking quietly, "How did you and Dean meet?" She glanced up at him tentatively, wondering if she shouldn't have asked.

Castiel almost jogged his work when Anna spoke but managed to stop himself just before the brush hit the cardboard. Castiel bit his lip, he should have seen this coming really. He and Dean would never have spoken if it weren't for that dare. Part of him wanted to tell Anna the truth but he also didn't want to. It made what they had sound tacky. They'd been through so much that explaining it just wouldn't give what they had justice. He thought for a moment, trying to come up with something that sounded less embarrassing for everyone. But nothing came to mind that wasn't a complete lie or plausible. Their relationship was fragile and messy, Castiel found himself struggling to even begin how they began. "It's complicated." he settled for, which was a much to the truth as he was willing to say without consulting Dean first.

"Oh," Anna said, looking at him apologetically. She could tell by his face that he didn't want to talk about it, so she tried to change the subject to something Castiel would enjoy. "I'm excited for tonight," She said with an eager little smile, looking back down at the details she was painting. She tucked a strand of red hair behind her ear and continued, "You and Dean sound really good. Everyone's going to love you." Anna didn't usually go to school events, because she didn't really have many friends and didn't like going alone, but now that she had two people she could call friends in the show, she was definitely going.

Castiel chuckled, "At least one of us is" Castiel was feeling nervous as every moment passed. It was crazy, he was going to be singing to the entire school. Two weeks ago he was a nobody, keeping his head down and in his books. Now he had a boyfriend, a friend and more confidence than he ever could have envisioned himself having. "Thank you" he blushed, keeping his head down to hide his smile. The school bell soon went and Castiel wiped his hand over his cheek not realizing it was covered in paint. He rolled his eyes, it happened every time but he didn't have time to mess about. He washed his hands and paints and waved Anna goodbye and practically ran to his motorcycle to meet Dean.

Anna giggled behind her hand as she watched Castiel smear grey paint all over his face and then roll his eyes in frustration. She waved goodbye in return as he hurried out of the room, and then finished up what she was working on with a small smile still on her face.

After his last class, Dean walked out of the school and started heading for the motorcycle, but Sam caught his arm with a big smile and pulled him into a hug. Dean was bewildered, but when Sam pulled back, he said, "Dean, I'm really proud of you." Dean smiled happily and thumped Sam a few times on the back. "Me too," he agreed. "Come on, I'll introduce you properly. You should probably get to know Cas a little better, anyway. I think you two would get along well, since you're both gigantic nerds." He joked. The two of them walked over to the motorcycle where Cas was waiting, and Dean waved as they approached. Dean smirked when he saw Castiel's paint-smeared face. "Dude, seriously? Again? What do you do, go swimming in it?" He said affectionately and wiped a finger in the still-wet paint before showing it to Cas.

Castiel saw Dean as was tempted to run over to him, until he remembered that would probably hurt his sides and the fact there was someone with Dean. His brother perhaps? He'd seen him with Dean a few times but didn't really know him that well seeing as he was a year below. He blushed when Dean wiped away the paint. "I can't help it, I have itchy cheeks." he excused lamely. He looked up -and up and up- at the tall boy stood next to Dean. "Hello." he said sheepishly, feeling intimidated just by the guys height.

Dean grinned and put his hand on Sam's shoulder. "My brother, Sam." He introduced. "Sam, this is Cas." Sam smiled shyly, a tall and lanky, awkward freshman, and stuck his hand out for Cas to shake. "Hi," he greeted, "It's nice to finally meet you. Dean won't shut up about you." Sam said with a knowing smile. Dean blushed and punched Sam in the shoulder. That wasn't true, he didn't talk about Cas _that _much. But Dean had been mentioning him a little more than usual now that Sam knew.

Castiel blushed, looking down at Sam's hand with a raised eyebrow. He felt like he was at an interview but shook Sam's hand nonetheless. He chuckled slightly, blushing at the thought of Dean mentioning him to Sam. Although he did worry that Dean's dad might over hear them. He tried to push the thought from his mind. Dean wasn't that stupid. Castiel handed Dean one of the helmets that was balancing on the seat as he put the other under his arm. "Are you coming tonight, Sam?" he asked politely.

Sam raised an eyebrow in confusion and stared at Cas uncertainly for a moment. "Coming where?" He asked lamely, and Dean blushed and answered his question. "Um, me and Cas are gonna be in the talent show. It was kind of a last minute thing." Sam looked at Dean in disbelief. "_You're _doing a talent show?" He exclaimed, as if it was the most outrageous thing he'd ever heard, and Dean rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Sam. Your support is really something." Sam gave him a bitchface. "Shut up, Dean. I'm just surprised you have any talents, that's all." Dean punched him again and glared while Sam gave him a hurt puppy expression. Dean glanced at Castiel. "Castiel's playing guitar and I'm singing." Sam looked even more surprised. "You sing? I've never heard you sing before, ever!" And Dean shrugged and sighed. "Well, I guess you're gonna hear me tonight." Sam still looked skeptical, and he glanced over at Cas with a suspicious expression. "Is he any good?" He asked Castiel doubtfully, and Dean glared at him halfheartedly.

Castiel chuckled at the little exchange between the brothers. Castiel entwined his fingers with the the hand Dean wasn't using to punch his brother playfully and squeezed it lightly. "He's the best." Castiel smiled, looking at Dean. He wasn't just talking about singing and that made him smile even further. Dean was truly the best thing that had ever happened to him. Castiel also felt warmth surge through him when Sam said he'd never heard Dean sing. It made Castiel feel all that more special for having heard him. He tugged lightly on Dean's hand. "You need to come back to get your car." Castiel reminded. He didn't want Dean's dad to freak when his car hadn't been returned in a few days. "It was nice to meet you Sam." he smiled up at the taller boy and put on his helmet.

Dean blushed when Castiel took his hand and he glanced up at him with a small, meaningful smile. He turned to Sam again and asked worriedly, "Is dad...?" But Sam shook his head reassuringly. "I covered for you," he said, and Dean smiled gratefully at his brother and breathed a sigh of relief. Sam looked between Cas and Dean with a warm smile, and Dean looked back at his brother happily. "I'll be home in a little while," He told Sam, and then strapped on the helmet and got on the motorcycle behind Cas. He carefully wrapped his hands around Castiel's waist like he had earlier, and they rode off to Castiel's house.

Once back at Castiel's house. Castiel took off his helmet and placed it on the seat as he stood up. Once Dean had done the same, he kissed him passionately seeing as no one was home yet and they were out of view of the neighbours in the garage. "I love you" he murmured once he parted for breath, sucking on Dean's lower lip gently before pulling away entirely.

"Mmm," Dean hummed in approval when they kissed. They'd both had the same idea, and met each other halfway. It was so good. So much better than the chaste little kisses they'd shared in school. Now they were alone, and there were no limits to what they could do. "I love you too," he breathed, and when Castiel started to back away Dean followed him and captured his lips once more, warmth settling low in his stomach.

Castiel moaned, pushing Dean back against the bike, claiming his lips. He winced slightly as he moved too sharply, causing his side to throb but he didn't care. He ran his hands into Dean's hair pushing them both up against the bike and as close as possible. He soon moved away from Dean's lips, panting harshly. "You should probably go, otherwise we'll never get to school." he said, although he didn't really find a problem with this.

Dean gasped against Castiel's lips and threw one hand back to brace himself on the seat of the bike, and grinned into the kiss. This was really sexy, making out while being pushed up against a motorcycle. Damn. Dean's hands wandered low down to Castiel's butt as they kissed, and then they pulled apart breathlessly. Castiel's hard breathing made Dean feel really turned on, and all he wanted to was throw Castiel in bed and explore his entire body with his mouth, but then he remembered he couldn't be too rough with Cas. "Yeah, I should go," he panted, staring desperately at Castiel's lips, but not moving away. "Maybe we can continue where we left off after the talent show?" He suggested hopefully with a sly smile.

Castiel was breathing heavily as he tried to regain himself, stepping away from Dean slightly to compose himself. Standing that close to Dean certainly wasn't helping. "It is Friday," he shrugged "Do you think you can get away to the cabin?" he asked hopefully. After what had happened he was sure his mom would be okay with him getting away from the house to relax and feel safe again. He just wondered whether Dean's dad would grant him the same luxury of leaving whenever he wanted.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, I can probably get out. Dad won't care, he thinks it's perfectly normal for teenagers to stay out late on weekends. He's used to me doing that, it shouldn't be a problem." He paused and blushed when he thought about Castiel's mom. "Do you think your mom will be okay with it? I mean, she knows... how much _does_ she know, even?" Dean really hoped she didn't know about them sleeping together yet... because if he really thought about it, they'd been doing some incredibly hot and dirty stuff with each other and he really hoped Castiel's mom didn't know about that, because if she did he'd never be able to look her in the eyes again.

"She'll be fine with it." he nodded, blushing at Dean's next words. "Well she saw us asleep together this morning, I doubt she thinks of it more than that." Castiel shrugged, trying not to think about his mom knowing about them. He kissed Dean again, lingering slightly before backing away. "Could you pick me up? I just don't want us to both have to drive to school and then out to the cabin."

Dean sighed in relief and then nodded at Castiel's question. "I'll pick you up around 6:00, so we can get there ahead of time and find out what's going on and everything," He paused and looked at Castiel with a thoughtful frown. "What should we wear? Do you think we should coordinate our outfits or or dress a little nicer? Maybe dark jeans and a nice button down shirt or something?" Dean shrugged helplessly, he'd never done anything like this before, but he thought that they should look nice if they were going to be on stage in front of the whole school.

Castiel nodded, grinning with nerves and excitement. "Sounds good." he nodded, kissing Dean once more before backing away completely so he could go to his car. "Bring your iPod for the cabin, I want to dance with you again." he said quietly, blushing as he remembered the result in their first dance. "I'll see you at 6:00" he smiled, walking to go back into the house.

"You got it." Dean said with a wide smile, walking out of the garage. "See you at six." Dean got into his dad's car and drove, singing along to the radio the whole way. When he got home, Sam wasn't there yet, but he saw that a tarp covered the Impala in the driveway. There was a note taped to it that said, "Dean, I finished fixing her up this morning and she's good to go. Take good care of her, -Dad". Dean grinned excitedly and pulled the tarp off to look at his beloved car. The Impala was in perfect condition again, looking even better than before, and Dean was so grateful to have a mechanic for a dad. The tank was even filled, and the keys were in the visor. Dean was so glad to have his car back. He was going to have to thank his dad hugely. Still smiling, he walked into the empty house and went into his room to find something to wear, and found some of his nicer dark jeans, a white dress shirt, and some grey Converse. He laid the outfit out and took a picture with his phone to send to Castiel. "this look okay?" he sent along with the picture.

Castiel had walked into the house and taken a shower, examining his bruised torso as he did so. He hadn't had the chance to look over it properly before and now he wished that he did. He hadn't realized how purple his skin was. He decided a white shirt wasn't going to work for him. The stage lights would show the bruises up too much under the pale coloured fabric. So when he got out the shower, towel wrapped around his hips. He took out a black pair of skinny jeans, a navy dress shirt and black vans and placed them on his bed. He checked his phone to find a message from Dean and smiled. He took a picture of his own outfit and sent it along with a message. 'Only if this does.'

Dean got a message from Cas a little while later, when he was eating a peanut butter sandwich, and he smiled when he saw the picture of Castiel's outfit and imagined him wearing it. "that looks good and i bet you look sexy in it ;)" he replied, and as he was finishing his sandwich Sam got home, having been dropped off by his friend's mom after staying after school. "Hey, bitch." Dean greeted, and Sam rolled his eyes. "Jerk." he poured a glass of water and stood drinking it like he was dying of thirst, and then said, "Dad finished your car. It looks great!" Dean nodded happily. "Yeah." Sam took his phone out of his pocket and checked it with a frown. "Dad just texted me and said he's going out with some friends from work tonight, so I assume he doesn't know about the talent show." Dean sighed in relief. "That's a good thing. I don't know what he'd think if he saw me singing on stage. He'd probably throw a fit and demand that I try out for football or something." Sam snorted. Dean looked at him questioningly. "Are you going?" Sam nodded enthusiastically. "Of course I'm going, Dean. Don't be stupid."

Castiel hummed, putting on a pair of boxers and his skinny jeans. Amber threatened to get cat hairs all over his stuff so he put her in her bed basket where she soon fell asleep. Castiel almost jumped out of his skin when he noticed Balthazar leaning against the door. "When did you get back?" he asked, having not much else to say to his older brother. Balthazar raised an eyebrow to Castiel's get up as Castiel quickly put on his navy shirt. Balthazar noted the bruising and Gabriel's disappearance was beginning to make sense. His mother hadn't specified what had happened but he had his theories. Castiel tucked his shirt tails in and straightened out his shirt, the top button left undone and left the collar open. "Going somewhere, Cassie?" he inquired, raising a curious eyebrow. Castiel swallowed, straightening as he prepared to defend himself. "I'm going to the talent show." he said simply. Balthazar snorted out a laugh. "Since when do you have any talent?" Castiel glared at him and Balthazar looked slightly taken back by this new side to his brother. He was standing up for himself, still staring him in the eye, that was a first, Balthazar thought. "Don't make too much of an arse out of yourself, will you?" Balthazar said. It was clear Gabriel had been caught harming Castiel. Their parents were bound to keep a closer eye on him for a while so Balthazar thought it best to take a step back for a while. Unless he wanted to end up with his brother Michael too, or worse, military school like Lucifer. He shuddered inwardly at the thought. "I'm going to see our dear brothers for the weekend. I'll see you later, Cassie." Balthazar smiled sourly. Castiel knew a warning when he heard one. Balthazar _would _be back and next time he might not be as courteous to hold back. He let out a shaky breath when he heard the front door click shut. His shoulders sagged as he ran a hand through his scruffy and slightly damp hair. Compared to the discussion he'd just had with Balthazar, singing to an audience seemed like a piece of cake. He took Dean's clothes from the night before and put them by the door as he waited for Dean to arrive.

When it got closer to 6:00, Dean took a shower and got dressed in the outfit he'd picked out. The white shirt was fitted and looked pretty nice on him when he left it untucked, and he rolled up the sleeves to the elbows and left the top two buttons undone. He wanted to look casually nice, not too stiff and formal. The dark jeans were new, and he hadn't worn them very much, but his Converse sneakers were kind of old, but overall he looked okay. He put a little gel in his hair and styled more carefully than he usually did, and then took one final look at himself in the mirror. When he went downstairs, Sam was in the living room pretending to watch TV, and he jumped up from the couch when Dean came down the stairs. Sam smiled at him and said, "You look great, Dean," and came over to give him a hug, which Dean returned. He was starting to get nervous. It was 5:30, and Dean told Sam he had to do an errand real quick and then he'd be back. Dean went to the Impala, excited at the thought of driving it again, and then headed off to the cabin by himself to pick up Castiel's guitar and surprise him with it so he didn't have to use the school ones. When Dean got back it was almost 6:00 and Dean honked the horn to get Sam to come outside. Sam offered to sit in the backseat so Cas could ride up front with Dean. As they were pulling out of the driveway, Dean told Sam to text Castiel on his phone to let him know they were coming.

Castiel looked at himself in the hallway mirror as he paced the floor. He was beginning to get nervous. He just wanted it to be over so he could go to the cabin with Dean. He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. He looked awful, well, in his eyes anyway. He went back upstairs and found some hair product and dragged it lightly though his hair so the front hung loosely over his forehead instead of sticking in every direction. He rolled his shirt sleeves up to his elbows and decided to keep his shirt tucked in because it showed off his ass in his skinny jeans. Which made Castiel blush, he was trying to impress Dean. He saw Dean pull up outside and picked up Dean's clothes from the floor and went outside, almost dropping the clothes as he did so. Dean's car, he was driving _his _car. It looked amazing. He opened the passenger seat, placing the clothes down between him and Dean. "Dean..it's amazing.. How did you..?"

Dean smiled excitedly as Castiel looked wide-eyed at the car. "My dad finished the repair work this morning while we were at school. Isn't it great?" Dean was proud of this car, and if felt really good to be behind the wheel again. He looked Castiel up and down as he got into the car, and he smiled slowly. "You look really good, Cas." He refrained from saying what he wanted to say, because there was a little brother in the backseat and Dean didn't really want to traumatize him. Well, maybe he did but not right at the moment. "Your hair's different," he noticed. "I like it." Sam said awkwardly from the backseat, "Hey, Cas." and Dean snorted slightly and backed out of the driveway.

Castiel blushed, "You're not so bad yourself." He almost jumped out of his skin when Sam spoke and blushed deeply, he hadn't even noticed he was there. It was a good thing Castiel hadn't said anything too embarrassing. He didn't want to scar Sam for life. "Hey, Sam." Castiel smiled before turning back in his seat to face the front. Castiel looked down at the pile of clothes with embarrassment, Sam had seen him bring out Dean's clothes. God knows what he had made of it. "Let's just get this over with shall we?" he muttered, wishing the ground would swallow him up soon.

Dean laughed slightly and nodded in agreement. "Let's get this over with." He backed out of the driveway and headed for the school. There were already a lot of cars in the parking lot, which he supposed belonged to teachers and students who were setting up for the talent show, and probably a few parents dropping their kids off and going to wait in the auditorium. Dean found a parking spot and all three of them got out of the car. Sam looked between them knowingly and muttered awkwardly, "I'm gonna go... inside," and then turned away and walked into the school. Dean smirked and then led Cas around to the back of the car so he could open up the lid. "I stopped by the cabin earlier and got your guitar so you wouldn't have to play the school one," he said with a shy smile, looking down at the beautiful guitar which he had carefully placed in the trunk of the car on top of a blanket.

Castiel got out the car and followed Dean around to the trunk where Dean showed him his guitar. He looked up at Dean like he was about to cry. Dean had gone out his way to please Castiel. He felt his heart warm up and he wrapped his arms around Dean. "I love you so much." he murmured, pressing his lips against Dean's into a passionate kiss, pushing him against the car. He backed away, realizing where they were and laughed breathlessly. He picked up the guitar and held out his other hand for Dean. "Shall we?"

Dean smiled softly at Castiel and wrapped his arms around him as well, and suddenly he was being pushed back against the car and Castiel was kissing him deeply. Dean moaned softly and kissed him back, pleasantly surprised. When he backed away laughing, Dean fixed his hair a little and giggled. "Let's save that for later, baby." He murmured, winking at Cas suggestively as he closed the lid of the car and took Castiel's hand.

Castiel bit his lip to hide his smirk, he walked with Dean into the school and found backstage. Miss Harvelle was busy setting up the line up, telling kids when it was their turn to go on stage. Castiel didn't let go of Dean's hand as he looked around at everyone else getting ready. He looked up at Dean with a nervous smile, "Sure you want to do this?"

Dean was restless. He bounced up and down on the balls of feet nervously, feeling a little sick to his stomach. "I don't know if I can do this," he said, looking at Cas helplessly. His heart was pounding and he was squeezing Castiel's hand tightly. "Oh my god," he groaned quietly, looking around anxiously at everyone else.

Castiel looked up at Dean, he looked as nervous as he felt. He strapped the guitar across his back and wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, kissing him tenderly. "It's just you and me." he murmured into Dean's ear. "Sing for me." he crooned, kissing Dean once more before hearing the show begin but it was background noise as he focused on Dean.

Dean exhaled nervously as Castiel put his arms around his neck and kissed him, and he closed his eyes and rested his hands on the small of Castiel's back. He returned the kiss and took a deep, calming breath, using Castiel's presence to soothe him, and soon he felt relaxed, but he didn't let go of Castiel. It was just the two of them, nobody else mattered. "Okay," he breathed, backing away just enough to meet Castiel's steady blue gaze.

Castiel held Dean for a long time, kissing his cheek and lips occasionally when Dean seemed like he was going to start freaking out. It felt odd to be the strong one for a change. Not that Castiel was strong, he was just bottling his nerves better than Dean. Time seemed to go way too quickly and Ms. Harvelle was coming over and telling them to go on stage. Castiel grabbed his guitar and gave Dean a reassuring smile before walking out onto the stage with Dean.

Dean forced himself to smile back when it was time for them to go on the stage. The audience was silent as they walked out, and there were many hushed whispers of confusion among the parents and other students at Dean and Castiel's surprised entrance. There was a stool and two microphone stands set up for them. Castiel sat on the stool and adjusted the microphone so it would pick up the sounds from his guitar, and Dean stood at the other microphone and stared out at the crowd, feeling like he was going to faint. He looked at Cas for reassurance and remembered what his boyfriend had said. _It's just you and me. _Dean hesitated a moment before moving his microphone stand closer to Castiel and nodded at him. He was ready.

Castiel could see the look on Dean's face and suspected his didn't look much better. They looked like rabbits caught in headlights, which essentially they were given the bright spotlights and they predatory eyes of the parents and students looking up at them. Castiel looked over to Dean and gave him a reassuring nod. They could do this if they did it together. They could accomplish anything. Castiel made sure the microphone was close to the guitar to pick up the sound as he gently began the rhythmic tune as he picked at the strings to begin the song. He looked down at the guitar and not at Dean, making it seem like just another lunchtime under the tree. No audience. Just them.

Dean closed his eyes and listened to the familiar introduction, and he took a deep breath and began singing. "_Well, Mama told me... when I was young...said 'sit beside me, my only son.'" _The first line of the song, Dean's voice was shaking and he almost panicked, but he forced himself to continue, and became a little more confident. He could hear his voice echoing loudly through the auditorium, and it made him shiver with a nervous excitement. He opened his eyes and looked out at the audience to gauge their reactions, but he couldn't see anyone's faces with the bright lights shining on them. So he looked at Cas instead as he continued to sing, and smiled at him a little as they came to the refrain, where Dean belted out the melody, his voice getting that rough edge to it that fit the song. Castiel's guitar playing steady in the background, and Dean felt confident. They sounded good.

Castiel bit his lip, Dean sounded amazing. A little nervous at first but once he got into it. Castiel had to make sure he played the right notes, he was too busy listening to Dean he almost lost time but no one noticed. He just had to be careful and refrained from watching Dean or trying to listen to him much. It was becoming distracting. Once the song came to the middle, Castiel added a few notes and added a unique twist to the melody as there was a break before the last verse. He smiled and looked up at Dean, grinning in assurance that he was doing well. They both were. They worked well together.

Dean was glad the song had a little break in it, it gave him a chance to catch his breath. He saw Castiel looking at him as he played the break, and Dean grinned back at him, noticing the little bit of improvising Castiel was doing with the melody. It sounded amazing and practiced, even though Dean doubted Castiel had planned it out. When it was time for Dean to sing again, he turned back to face forward and closed his eyes, putting one hand on the microphone and singing louder. He added a few little vocal ornaments and switched the notes up a little bit to make it more interesting, and then his voice grew softer as the song came to an end and Castiel picked a few more notes before also fading out. Dean didn't open his eyes.

Castiel bit his lip and waited as the audience remained quiet. Castiel panicked, had they done something wrong? He looked up at Dean worryingly, feeling embarrassment rise up into his cheeks. Suddenly the audience began clapping and soon the whole room was being filled with applause. Castiel wasn't quite sure what to do with himself. They'd said if it went well they'd play another song so Castiel ran off stage and came back on with an electric guitar already set up and plugged in. He came and stood next to Dean. Willing to sing with him if he wanted, he raised a question eyebrow as if to ask what Dean wanted.

Dean held his breath as the crowd was silent, but then they started clapping in a surprised applause, growing more and more enthusiastic, and people were actually cheering for them. Dean opened his eyes and looked at Castiel with a stunned grin on his face, and suddenly he ran off stage, leaving Dean up there alone, and Dean almost panicked for a moment, but he smiled at the crowd, who were still clapping and cheering. Castiel came back with an electric guitar for their second song, and Dean looked at Castiel wide-eyed as the cheering died down and the crowd watched them expectantly. Suddenly, another guy ran onto the stage and came up to Dean. He leaned close and whispered, "You're gonna need a drummer for that song," and he patted Dean on the shoulder with a grin and jogged to the drum set that was already set up behind them for one of the other acts. Dean looked at Cas in bewilderment, and then The drummer guy was counting them off.

Castiel gave him a reassuring smile as the drummer began to play. Castiel came in with the guitar, picking up the tune to the timing of the drums. He walked around a little but kept close to Dean, his head bowed over the instrument in concentration. He found himself a lot more confident with his movements. His arm swings becoming bolder and more fluid as he played the guitar. He found the rhythm and held it as Dean began to sing.

Dean started singing, feeling much more confident now, and started moving his body a little bit to the beat. The drummer had come out of nowhere and Dean had no idea who he was, and even though Dean was surprised and confused he sang out confidently, pleasantly surprised to hear that the drummer was really good, and he was singing backup vocals on the chorus. Castiel looked incredibly sexy with the electric guitar slung in front of his body as he moved around and played the complicated song. He was making up for all the instruments and sound effects that they didn't have, and it sounded really awesome and Dean prayed he wasn't going to get a boner on stage in front of the whole school. At one point, he tossed his head up and looked at Dean, flipping his hair out of his slightly sweaty face, and Dean winked at him, taking the microphone out of its stand and walking closer to the edge of the stage to look down at the audience. On the second chorus, he stood up straight and closed his eyes, holding the microphone with one hand while he put his other hand up in the air and tapped his foot in time to the music. During the guitar solos, Dean stepped back and let Castiel take the spotlight. The audience was clapping along to the beat and singing the refrain with them, and it was a little distracting but it made Dean's heart flutter excitedly.

Castiel picked at the strings manically, playing the complicated song and adding his own bits here and there when there was supposed to be sound effects. He sang along despite not having a microphone, it didn't matter he was too into the music to care. That's when it hit him. Like a brick wall of lust. Dean standing at the edge of the stage, the light hitting off his forehead so his sweat glistened. His green eyes beaming out to the audience as he sang like he owned the world. Castiel was glad there was a guitar in front of him. He was pretty sure he would die of embarrassment if he got a boner right then. No matter how good their singing was, nothing would make up for that. Castiel belted out the last few chords and threw his hand up into the air with triumph. They'd done it. They'd actually done it. Castiel smiled brightly at Dean, swinging the guitar around to sit against his back via the strap and Castiel walked right up to Dean and kissed his cheek as he wrapped his arms around Dean. He probably should have waited until they were off stage but he didn't care. He was so proud of Dean. Of himself and how far they had come. Separately and together.

The crowd went wild as the song finished, and even more so when Castiel swung the guitar over his back, which should not be as sexy as it was, and came right up to Dean and kissed his cheek before hugging him tightly. Dean couldn't hear anything over the sound of the crowd. He hugged Castiel hard before they came apart and Dean kept one arm around his neck, his other hand forming a fist that he pumped in the air once triumphantly with a huge grin. He couldn't believe they'd done it. Dean turned around and gestured for the drummer to come up with them, and he did, smiling widely at both of them, and waved to the screaming crowd with a dazed looked on his face. Dean put his free arm around the drummer's shoulders gratefully. He wanted to ask him what his name was and thank him, but he wouldn't be heard over the audience. They were getting a standing ovation. Dean couldn't believe it.

Castiel was so happy, he felt like he was going to cry. He'd been able to come on stage, play beautiful music with his boyfriend, even kiss him and the crowd still went nuts. They didn't care about their personal lives. They were just interested in the music. That's all Castiel could have ever dreamed of. He couldn't stop smiling even once they were off stage. A few people were staring at them, trying to work out what had just happened. Like they weren't expecting that. Castiel was on edge, adrenaline rushing through his body. He hadn't felt this alive in years. He put the guitar back where he borrowed it and picked up his guitar, strapping it to his back and walking over to Dean and embracing him. "I'm so proud of you, Dean," he crooned, kissing his cheek again.

Dean was in shock. He only managed to walk off stage when Castiel guided him, because his knees felt like spaghetti and his entire body felt electrified. His arms went around Cas automatically when Cas embraced him, and Dean looked around at the surprised people backstage with a dazed smile. "I can't believe we just did that," he murmured. The drummer guy walked up to them and patted them both on the back and Dean and Cas pulled away from each other to look at him. "That was awesome!" he said, "You guys were great. I'm Adam, by the way." He shook both of their hands with an excited grin. Dean recovered enough to introduce themselves. "I'm Dean, and this is my boyfriend Cas. Thanks for doing that, man. You're really good." Adam beamed at both of them and shrugged, not phased at all by the term "boyfriend", and Dean instantly liked him. He wondered why he'd never met him, and then he realized that he was probably a year younger than them.

Castiel beamed when Dean introduced him as his boyfriend. They'd never introduced one another like that before. It was something Castiel was sure he could get used to. He shook Adam's hand and smiled, nodding in agreement at Dean's words. Adam was soon called back to help out with his own band Castiel could only guess and Castiel thanked him again before he left. Castiel turned back to Dean, giddy and excited. "I'm so glad you talk me into doing this." Castiel grinned. He wonder what Anna thought of it, sitting in the audience. He'd ask her on Monday, he thought.

Dean turned to Castiel, still feeling dazed. "I can't believe we did it!" He said breathlessly. Three girls came up to them, grinning in amazement and congratulated them, spewing out excited praise and surprise and telling them both how awesome they sounded and how talented they both were, and Dean put his arm proudly around Castiel's waist, and maybe just a little possessively, because the girls were looking at Cas like they wanted to tear his clothes off with their teeth.

Castiel thanked them modestly, blushing a little under their intensive gaze. Thank God Dean swooped in and wrapped an arm around his waist. That seemed to cool their glare down a bit but they were still looking at him oddly and Castiel felt uncomfortable. He put his arm around Dean and leaned in close to him. He wished them luck with whatever it was they were doing and stayed close to Dean, afraid they were going to steal him away from Dean. Once they were gone, Castiel look up at Dean. "How long do we have to stay here?" he asked. He'd never been to the talent shows before so he didn't really know what they had to do once they'd played.

Dean grinned and kissed him. "We can leave now, if you want," he suggested with a knowing smile. Suddenly, Sam came out of nowhere and pulled them both into a surprise hug. "Holy crap, Dean!" Sam said as he let them go, smiling widely and looking more shocked than Dean had ever seen him. "God, you guys were amazing!" Sam was like an excited, overgrown puppy, and Dean laughed. "Thanks, Sammy." Sam just looked at them both with a happy smile on his face. Dean and Cas still had their arms wrapped around each other, and Sam gave Dean a proud, meaningful smile which he returned. After a moment of smiling at each other, Sam blushed and looked down awkwardly. "I'll, uh, let you guys go... do your thing, or whatever," and then he groaned and shook his head. "No, you..." Dean laughed at Sam's obvious discomfort and embarrassment and then kissed Castiel firmly on the mouth. "Let's get out of here," he murmured.

Castiel chuckled and froze a little when Sam came out of nowhere and hugged them both. He smiled up fondly at the two brothers, wishing he could have siblings that supportive. He kissed Dean back, squeezing his side a little. He nodded in agreement and took Dean's hand and led him back out to the car. The adrenaline was pumping so hard through his veins Castiel was worried they might not make it to the cabin. He pushed Dean back up against the trunk, kissing him passionately. It was dark out and everyone was still inside, it was just them to have this moment.

Dean moaned and fisted his hands in Castiel's shirt, tugging him closer. He needed this desperately. He slotted a leg between Castiel's thighs and then tangled a hand in his hair, tilting his head a little to change the angle so their mouths fit together more tightly. He licked into Castiel's mouth and then pulled away for air, gasping, "We need to get out of here _now."_

Castiel gasped as Dean took control, moaning into the kiss and panting hard when Dean moved away. He nodded in agreement and put his guitar in the trunk walking over to the passenger with wobbly legs. He was trembling, his nerves all over the place in anticipation. He got in the car and took a deep breath trying to remain calm.

Dean didn't look at Castiel as they drove away, because he was afraid if he did he would just pull over on the side of the road and take him right there before they even got to the cabin. He was trembling with desire and he drove fast all the way out to the cabin. When they got there he jumped out of the car and unlocked the door and then practically dragged Castiel in with him and then pushed him against the wall, holding both of his hands above his head pinned to the wall as he leaned in to kiss him with a small smirk.

After the tortuously long drive they finally made it to the cabin. They just about got inside before Dean was pushing Castiel up against the wall. He grunted as the air was knocked out of him, his body aching and still bruised but he didn't care. He kissed Dean back desperately, trying to wiggle free to wrap himself around Dean but he wasn't being granted the luxury. It was frustrating and a complete turn on at the same time. Castiel managed to wrap one of his legs around Dean, drawing him closer.

When Castiel wrapped his leg around Dean and pulled him closer, Dean got an idea and he let go of Castiel's wrists, instead grabbing both of Castiel's thighs and lifting him up so he was wrapped around Dean, their hips pressed together, and held him there by pressing him against the wall. Now he could touch Castiel, and he pulled Castiel's shirt so it came untucked from his jeans and moaned when he touched Castiel's skin.

Castiel gasped and grunted as he was pressed up and into the wall. He hurt everywhere but felt boneless and pleasured at the same time. It was a conflicting twist of feelings and it was driving Castiel crazy. When Dean started untucking his shirt he panicked. He didn't want Dean to see the bruises. Bruises weren't sexy. Especially ones this black and blue. He moved Dean's hand down to his bulge instead, focusing on something pleasurable instead. He tilted his head back into the wall as he moaned at the pressure and heat of Dean's hand.

Dean noticed the desperation in Castiel's movements and he could tell they weren't just about desire, and he backed away and looked at Cas. "Sorry," he gasped, remembering that he had to be gentle because of Castiel's bruised body. He breathed heavily as he Castiel tipped his head back and Dean stroked his hand against the bulge in Castiel's pants, and he looked up, loving the sight of Castiel's head leaning back and exposing his neck. He placed his mouth on Castiel's throat and sucked, then said breathlessly, "Bed. Now." And he let Castiel down and backed up to the bed, still kissing him and struggling with his own clothes.

Castiel moaned breathlessly as Dean sucked on his neck. The tender skin being treated the way it deserved, with loving and caring affection. Not by the vicious hand of his brother. He gasped a little as his feet returned back to the floor. He felt light-headed and it took a moment to get his barrings. He kissed Dean passionately, helping him off with his clothes. Castiel stripped himself, leaving his shirt on to cover the bruises. He pushed Dean down onto the bed and straddled his waist, without breaking contact with the others lips.

Dean laughed breathlessly when Castiel pushed him down and quickly climbed over him, still wearing his shirt, and as Dean kissed him he brought his hands up to Castiel's shirt and began unbuttoning it, needing to eliminate all barriers of clothing between them. Castiel was straddling his waist and their hips pressed together, and Dean was painfully hard and he felt dizzy with want. He kissed his way down Castiel's jaw until he reached the tender bruised skin at the side of his neck, and he gently licked at the spot, not wanting to cause Castiel any pain there.

Castiel gasped softly, clutching at Dean's hands. He didn't want him to see what Gabriel had done. He'd only be upset. This wasn't the time for that. He pinned Dean's hands above his head like had done with Castiel earlier and kissed him hard, rolling his hips against Dean's and moaning into his mouth.

Dean growled in frustration as Castiel pinned his hands above his head on the mattress, and Dean tried to take control of the kiss but Castiel was being surprisingly aggressive and it turned Dean on even more. He gasped and moaned as Castiel rolled his hips down hard against his, and thrust his own hips up to match Castiel's motions, and it felt absolutely perfect and torturous at the same time. He didn't think he was going to last long.

Castiel continued to roll his hips against Dean's with hard, sharp movements. Each time causing a loud moan to escape his lips. "Dean.." he breathed, nipping at the other's lower lip as he kissed him desperately. He could feel his arousal build and it wasn't long before he tilted his head back and was riding out orgasm, pressing up against Dean. Their breath mingling, Castiel's mind went cloudy as he slowed down his rhythm as he gasped for breath.

Castiel's moaning and merciless grinding was sending Dean over the edge, and Dean tried to breathe but the pleasure was too good, too much, and he lost it at the same time as Castiel, nearly blacking out as he orgasmed and cried out Castiel's name in a hoarse voice, and as they rode each other through the aftershocks, slowing down and coming back to Earth, Dean rolled them over so they were on their sides facing each other. Dean closed his eyes and reached blindly for Castiel, pulling him close as he tried to catch his breath.

Castiel hadn't realized he'd moved until his mind had cleared and his vision normalized. He smiled breathlessly at Dean, running a hand into his hair. "I love you, Dean." he crooned, kissing Dean softly before pulling back to look at Dean. He closed his his eyes and draped and arm over Dean's waist, feeling tiredness take over him and he soon fell asleep.

Dean looked at Cas sleeping and then pulled the covers up over them. He wondered if he should have gone easier on Cas after everything that had happened to him, and he smiled sadly and pressed a soft kiss to Castiel's forehead. "I love you," he whispered, and then snuggled a little closer to him and draped a leg over his before falling asleep, the events of the day taking their toll on him.


	11. Chapter 11

Castiel awoke early morning, the sun was just coming up and Castiel felt warm and safe wrapped in Dean. He groaned softly, when his limbs throbbed in protest but it was worth it. He kissed Dean's nose, and sighed with content. He lay awake just watching Dean sleep. He was so peaceful and happy. It was odd to think, about two weeks ago this was the same person who hung around with the idiots that pushed Castiel into lockers and threw him in trash cans. He'd changed so much in such little time and it made Castiel smile when he realized he was the reason for it.

Dean was vaguely aware of Castiel kissing his nose and moving around a little, and he frowned slightly and pulled him closer, not wanting to get up yet. He was warm and comfortably and they were so wrapped up in each other Dean didn't know whose legs and arms belonged to who. Dean could feel Cas watching him and he smiled almost drunkenly before mumbling without opening his eyes, " 's creepy to watch people sleep," his voice muffled and slurred.

"People, yes. You, no." Castiel smiled, kissing his nose again. "You're so perfect." he murmured against Dean's neck, kissing the skin tenderly. Memories of last night flashed through his mind and he hummed with content. They'd played such beautiful music together. It almost felt like a dream. For the first time in his life, he was actually looking forward to school on Monday just to see all those smiling faces, having no problem with him or Dean.

Dean hummed and smiled lazily, not opening his eyes, and puckered his lips for a kiss and waited expectantly for Cas to give him one. He couldn't believe they'd actually done the talent show. People loved them and they didn't mind that Dean and Cas were together, and it was thrilling. It made Dean feel like he could do anything. He pulled Cas closer possessively, remembering how those girls had looked at him, and he growled, "You're mine." He wanted everyone to know, and he was going to have to show the girls at school that Cas was off-limits to them.

Castiel rolled his eyes at Dean's laziness and leaned forward to kiss him. He hummed at the thought of being someone's. Especially Dean's. He liked the sound of that. He snuggled up close to him and sighed. "Have you thought about the musical?" he asked after a while. If last night was anything to go by, Dean had enjoyed himself. He looked so natural on stage. Castiel thought he'd be perfect even if he didn't get the role of Tony. Which was highly unlikely but still. "I think you'd be amazing."

"I dunno," Dean murmured on a sigh. "Maybe..." The reason he was so hesitant to audition was because it would take everybody by surprise and they probably wouldn't take him seriously. He doubted he'd get the lead, or if he'd get a part at all, because he'd never auditioned for anything before and there were a lot of other kids in the drama club who'd worked hard for years to achieve the lead role in the musical He didn't want to take that away from anyone who'd worked for it when Dean was just deciding to audition last minute.

"I think you should." Castiel encouraged. "When I saw you up on that stage, you looked so happy. Like you'd found yourself a bit, y'know?" Castiel kissed him softly, caressing his hair with his free hand. "I'd be good for you, do something you're passionate about. Singing brings out this whole other side to you. It's gorgeous." Castiel blushed, looking at Dean with big blue eyes. "You're gorgeous."

Dean cracked his eyes open a little and looked at Castiel with a soft smile as he spoke, humming happily when Cas kissed him and stroked his hair. Dean's heart melted at Castiel's words, and he blushed and hid his face in Castiel's neck, feeling like warm, happy mush. "Okay," Dean said shyly into Castiel's shoulder, "I'll do it if you think I should. And you're gorgeous, too." Dean backed away a little bit and frowned at Castiel's shirt, tugging on it lightly. "So why are you still wearing this?"

Castiel shook his head, "I don't want you to do it for me. I want you to do it for you." Castiel kissed Dean, trapping his hands away from the buttons. "To preserve the mood." he answered seriously. He looked a mess under the shirt and he wasn't ready to kill this nice. warm feeling of waking up with Dean just yet.

Dean sighed and stretched, taking his hand away from Castiel's shirt and wrapping it around his waist instead. He smiled softly at his boyfriend and looked into his eyes. "Cas, you know I think you're beautiful no matter what, right?" He didn't want Castiel to feel insecure about the bruises, because they weren't his fault and Dean just wanted to kiss them all better.

Castiel blushed, biting his lip. "I just don't want you to be upset." he said quietly, slowly unbuttoning his shirt to reveal huge black and blue bruises, the edges of which were turning a fainter shade as the days went by. He put the shirt onto the floor and pulled up the covers self-consciously.

Dean clenched his teeth angrily when he saw the bruises, but he tried to keep his face neutral for Castiel's sake. He gently pushed Cas over until he was lying on his back, and then slowly moved over him and looked down at his face. He kissed Castiel's lips tenderly and then kissed down his neck to the hand-shaped bruise that wasn't as noticeable as it was before, and he pressed soft, chaste kisses over the damaged skin. Then he gradually pulled the sheets down and moved down Castiel's chest, right down the middle of his torso as he traced his breastbone down and reached the horrible bruise, and he kissed it lightly, covering every inch of the bruised skin with soft little kisses.

Castiel could see Dean was upset but he still continued to make Castiel feel better. That made Castiel's heart swell. To know someone wanted to make the hurt disappear. To kiss all his suffering away and tell him it'll all be okay. He hummed and ran a hand into Dean's hair, and carefully pulled him back up into a searing kiss of gratitude.

Dean closed his eyes tightly as Castiel pulled him up to kiss him again, and his chest felt painfully constricted. He hated seeing Castiel in pain, and he didn't know what had happened except that it had to do with Gabriel, and Dean didn't want to ask. His scars and bruises made him even more beautiful to Dean, because he knew that Castiel still suffered, but he was strong. He'd survived and they had each other now and that was all that mattered. "I love you so much," he whispered when they came apart for air.

"I love you too" Castiel smiled up at Dean. He ran his hands over the other's back, feeling the hot, smooth skin under his fingertips. Castiel was content to lie here all day but he'd have to get back before his mom worried too much. He sighed in annoyance at the thought. This was nice, after last night he couldn't have asked for a more perfect day but it was leaving the next morning that annoyed him. He wished they didn't have to leave and go their separate ways.

Dean smiled and kissed the tip of Castiel's nose before backing away from him and leaning over the side of the bed to pick up his pants from the floor. He took his phone out of his pocket to check the time. It was only about 7:00, and he groaned when he saw how many missed calls and text messages he had, mostly from kids at school and some parents, even. "Looks like we just became very famous," he said with a slight grimace as he showed Castiel the phone screen.

Castiel chuckled in felt surreal that Dean was getting so many messages from their performance last night. "Does that mean we have to wear sunglasses when we walk hand in hand down the hall?" he smirked teasingly. He curled up at Dean's side as he looked through his phone.

Dean huffed and let his hand play in Castiel's hair. He loved the way Cas had worn it for their performance last night, it was something new and incredibly sexy, and that outfit he'd been wearing... damn. "Baby, we're gonna need bodyguards." He teased, "Sunglasses aren't enough."

"You're all the bodyguard I need." Castiel hummed. "You're the Frank Farmer to my Rachel Marron" he smirked, leaning in to Dean's touch. Castiel couldn't wait for Monday. All the excitement and positive attention thrown his way for once. It was a pleasing thought.

Dean grinned and slid his hand down Castiel's side to rest at his hip. "Oh, I'll guard your body, all right." He said, smiling stupidly at his own lame joke. He winked suggestively at Castiel and leaned closer. "I won't let anyone else have it." He murmured a little possessively, and kissed Castiel gently on the lips.

Castiel chuckled, Dean's possessive side certainly doing things to his heart. It was sweet he cared so much. "Who says I'll let you have it?" he teased, raising an eyebrow. He kissed Dean back, melting into his touch. He snaked his hands into Dean's hair, sighing happily.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Great, now you're playing hard to get. Real cute, Cas." He couldn't stop the ridiculous smile from spreading across his face every time he looked at Castiel, and then they were kissing again and Dean relaxed into his arms and stretched like a cat when Castiel's hands went into his hair.

"I have to go soon" Castiel sighed, stroking Dean's hair tenderly. He rested his forehead against Dean's, closing his eyes briefly to relish in the moment and to never forget this feeling of being on top of the world with the one man that matters.

Dean breathed in deeply through his nose, taking in the addicting scent of Castiel and closed his eyes. "Yeah, I'll take you home in a little while," Dean really didn't want to go but he knew they had to. Dean was dreading going home. He was suddenly afraid that the news of him and Cas at the talent show might get back to his dad, if it hadn't already.

Castiel kissed Dean's cheek and sat up and put his shirt back on, his back to Dean so he couldn't see the bruises in the proper light. Once his shirt was done up he came back to kiss Dean firmly. "We're going to be okay." he smiled breathlessly.

Dean stood up and looked for his clothes. He nodded in agreement and smiled at Castiel. "Yeah." he looked down at himself in mild disgust; his stomach was covered with dried come and sweat, and he ducked into the bathroom to wash off quickly with a wet paper towel and then brought another one out for Cas with a sheepish smile. "I don't think it'd be a great idea if we went home looking like this," he explained, thinking of Castiel's family and his own dad.

Castiel took the towel and cleaned himself up before changing back into his jeans and tucking the tail ends of his shirt back in. He tried to sort out his hair but it had become a bit messy since certain activities. He blushed, using his fingers to thread through his hair to try and sort it out.

Dean sighed fondly and pushed Castiel's hands away. "Let me," he insisted softly, and then carefully combed his fingers through Castiel's hair, smiling because Dean was the one who had messed it up in the first place. He pulled the front part down a little so it was kind of like how it looked last night, but there wasn't much he could do with it now and he stood back to examine his work. "Sexy." he decided with a grin, and then pulled on his own clothes and smoothed out the wrinkles as best as he could.

Castiel closed his eyes as he felt Dean work on his hair. He sighed happily and snorted out a laugh at Dean's announcement. He went over to Dean and straightened out the clothes for him, pressing his hands against his chest. He laced his fingers with Dean's "Ready to go?" he asked, not waiting for an answer because if Dean said no he knew they would never leave. They walked out to the car.

Dean smiled reluctantly and followed Castiel outside to the car in the nice cool morning sunshine. Dean had a feeling this was going to be a good day, because he already couldn't stop smiling. When they started driving away, Dean had an idea and he grinned excitedly. "Cas. Do you want to go on a date later?" Because they could do that now. They weren't a secret anymore, and they could hold hands in public and go on dates just like any other couple.

Castiel looked a little shocked. They hadn't actually dated yet. Everything was hidden and secret but now they could date and the thought made Castiel smile. "I'd love that, Dean." he blushed, looking down at his feet. He'd never been on a date before. Which felt silly given he wast dating Dean.

Dean grinned triumphantly. "Awesome." He looked over at Cas and smiled even harder when he saw his boyfriend blushing. _"_It's kind of weird that this would be our first date," he said with a small chuckle, "Considering all the stuff we've already done."

Castiel let out a nervous chuckle before lighting up and look up and over at Dean. "Can we get burgers?!" he grinned like an enthusiastic child. He rarely had burgers and they were his favourite food.

Dean laughed at Castiel's enthusiasm. "That's a great idea. I'll take you to the Roadhouse. They've got the best burgers." The Roadhouse was one of the nicer restaurants in town. It was an old, family owned restaurant, but it was one of the most popular places to take a date to. Dean had only been there a few times, but they really did have the best burgers.

Castiel grinned widely, he was really looking forward to having burgers. He'd never been to Roadhouse before. His family didn't eat out much and if they did it would be when they were visiting Michael so they wouldn't be in town anyway. Once Dean drove up to Castiel's house he squeezed Dean's arm and kissed his cheek shyly before opening the door and getting his guitar out the trunk. He walked back up to close the passenger door and smiled at Dean. "I'll see you later" He closed the door and headed into the house.

Dean leaned into the kiss on his cheek and watched as Castiel got out of the car and got his guitar. "I'll text you this evening," He said in reply and waited until Castiel got into the house, and then he blew him a kiss and drove away. When Dean got home, he made sure not to slam the car door and then snuck in. It was still relatively early in the morning, and it John was most likely still asleep with a hangover from the bar last night, but Dean didn't want to take any chances. He went upstairs quietly and peered into his Dad's room. John was snoring on his side of the bed. It made Dean sad that even after his mom had died, his dad still slept on his side of the bed and didn't go onto hers. Dean looked at him for a moment and sighed. His dad had been really messed up ever since Mary had died, and he'd never really recovered from her death at all. Dean walked down the hallway and glanced into Sam's room. The kid was sprawled all over his bed, his too-long legs hanging of the side of it and tangled up in the sheets, and he was mumbling something in his sleep. Dean smirked a little and closed Sam's door, then went into the bathroom to take a much needed shower.

Castiel got into the house to find it empty. His dad worked Saturdays and Balthazar had gone up to see Gabriel. His mom had left a note to say she'd gone shopping. So Castiel went into the kitchen and made himself some breakfast before going upstairs and feeding Amber. Once they'd both eaten, Castiel took a much needed shower and lay on his bed in a fresh pair of boxers. He found himself curling up in the freshly laundered sheets with Amber tucked up by his side. He was sad to find out the sheets no longer smelt of Dean after being washed but he found he was too tired to care.

When Dean was done showering, he put on some comfortable, casual clothes and sat at his computer to check Facebook, because he was curious about people's reactions to the talent show performance. He didn't go on Facebook that often so he normally didn't get many notifications, but when he logged in today that was different. His wall was flooded with posts from people at school, and he read them all with a dazed smile on his face. People were tagging him in pictures and videos, too, and he realized Castiel didn't have a Facebook, and it was unfortunate that Castiel wouldn't be able to see all these posts. He played one of the videos someone had posted of Uprising, and he was blown away by how confident and they looked on the stage together, and he couldn't take his eyes off Cas, who looked sexy as fuck. Dean realized he had a friend request, and when he saw it was from Adam, their surprise drummer, he grinned and immediately clicked 'accept'. This was amazing.

Castiel awoke around four in the afternoon. He was a bit embarrassed he'd slept so late in but after yesterday he'd needed his rest. His injuries had made him weaker and his energy drained quicker as he was still healing so he'd needed today to build up his strength. His mom came in a few moments later with a proud smile on her face. "What?" he grumbled. Mrs Novak tussled her boy's hair, "I saw you last night." she smiled. Castiel gasped and sat up, wide-eyed most definitely awake now. She chuckled and eased him back down. "It's alright, sweetheart. Just me, your father doesn't know." Castiel let out a breath in relief. "You're really good, Cassie. I went down there with some of the girls from work, support their kids. Then I saw your little face and..I was in tears. You looked so happy up there, sweetheart." Mrs Novak beamed, before playfully slapping Castiel's arm. "Why didn't you tell me?" Castiel felt bad, his mom wanted to support him and he hadn't given her a chance. "It was all a bit last minute." he blushed, looking at his hands. "That Dean boy, such a sweetheart.." she began which made Castiel groan in embarrassment. She chuckled seeing the small smile on Castiel's face. "You seeing him again soon?" she asked curiously. Castiel blushed but nodded his head. "I have a date with him tonight." he smiled shyly. Mrs Novak smiled and handed Castiel some money. "After how that boy cared for you when Gabriel...I think it's only fair I say my thanks some how." Castiel looked down at the money with a warm smile. "Thanks, mom." he hugged her tightly. "Don't worry about your father, I'll cover for you." They both knew how frightening Mr Novak could be and Castiel was truly grateful of what his mom was doing. She was willing to take the fall with the man of the house if it meant her little boy was happy.

Dean spent the rest of the day doing nothing. He stayed in his room most of the time, except when he went downstairs for food and to tell his dad thanks for fixing the car, and Dean was relieved that he hadn't heard about the talent show and Castiel yet, although he doubted his dad's obliviousness would last for much longer. He was bound to find out somehow, and Dean was afraid of what would happen when he did. At 5:00, Dean texted Cas to tell him he would pick him up at 7:00, and then he went upstairs to take another shower. After he got out, he stood in his room wearing a pair of boxers and stared at his opened dresser drawers and closet uncertainly. He didn't know what to wear. He wanted to look good for Cas. Sam walked down the hallway and paused in Dean's doorway with a strange look on his face. "Dean, what are you doing?" Dean sighed and gestured for Sam to walk into the room. "Okay, don't make fun of me but I have a date and I don't know what to wear." Dean regretted saying anything because Sam's face lit up with a teasing smirk, and Dean shoved him in the chest and muttered, "Shut up." Sam widened his eyes and said defensively, "I didn't say anything!" but the smirk didn't go away. Dean just rolled his eyes and gestured to his closet. "Help me." Sam sighed in defeat and went into Dean's closet to find an outfit, and Dean regretted asking him. Sam was the type of kid who wore plaid shirts every day. Sam pulled out an olive green V-neck tee-shirt that Dean didn't even know he had, a dark brown leather jacket that Dean had forgotten about, some faded jeans, and the dark grey converse. "Try this," Sam said, and Dean looked at him doubtfully, but Sam gave him the bitch face so Dean sighed and put on the clothes. He walked to the bathroom, where there was a full length mirror on the door, and looked at himself. He considered his reflection in the mirror. It was a little different than how he normally dressed, but different in a good way. The shirt fit him well and the jacket looked good over it, but he wasn't sure. "Sam, are you sure this doesn't look too douchey?" Sam came up behind him and looked at Dean in the mirror closely. He shook his head. "I think it looks good," he told Dean with a shrug. Dean nodded. "Okay, I'll wear this." Sam held out his hand for a high five and Dean slapped it with a grin. "I'll cover for you with Dad," Sam said in a low voice. "I'll tell him you're meeting some friends for dinner."

Castiel received a text about an hour later informing him that Dean would be coming at 7:00. Castiel rolled back out of bed feeling sluggish. He'd spent the whole day in bed but he'd been exhausted. His bruises still giving him a bit of grief and after the night he'd had with Dean they had flared up in pain again. For which he should have seen coming but at the time it had been totally worth it. He took another shower and stared absently at his wardrobe. Amber pawed at a loose thread on the towel and clawed at Castiel's ankle in the process. He winced and hobbled into the bathroom to pour disinfectant over the pierced skin and place a band-aid over the cut to stop the bleeding. When he went back into the bedroom, Amber was hiding in her bed. Clearly ashamed and looking up at Castiel with big ol' puppy eyes for forgiveness. He sighed and stroked her chin before continuing his search for something nice to wear. He picked out a dark pair of jeans, black vans and a pale blue shirt. Castiel half wondered whether to wear his leather jacket too but decided it would look silly without his motorcycle so opted for a comfortable, yet smart, navy jumper that dipped low enough around the neckline to tuck his shirt collar over. He fixed his hair to look like it had done the night before, remembering what a positive reaction it had had with Dean. He put the money his mom gave him in his back pocket and went into the back yard to collect something before going to sit on the stairs and wait for Dean.

When it was almost time to go pick up Cas, Dean grabbed his wallet, phone and keys and put them in his pockets. As he got into his car, he wondered if maybe he should stop somewhere and get something for Cas, like a little box of chocolates or something, but he had no idea whether he should or shouldn't. But then he got an idea. He left early and went to the music store and quickly found what he was looking for. He asked to have it put in a small gift bag, and then he left the store smiling and drove to Castiel's house.

Castiel saw the lights outside and opened the door to greet Dean, closing the door behind him and going to Dean. His father had just come home from work and Castiel said he was going out to dinner with some friends from art class after working hard all week on a project. His father had grunted, not particularly caring. He'd heard the words 'working hard' and just assumed Castiel was still doing well so granted him permission to go off and do whatever he'd just said he'd do. So Castiel bounded up to the Impala with a rose from the back yard. He presented it to Dean like a child would a crayon drawing to their parents. "It's stupid, I know but I don't know how these things work." he excused his perfect attempt, he was working from what he'd seen on TV and what the girls in art class talked about when one of the boys from the football team took them to dinner.

Dean smiled when Castiel offered him the rose, and Dean took it from him and smelled its sweet scent before blushing up at Castiel. "Cas, you're so sweet." Dean said shyly, and looked at the rose with a grin. He couldn't believe Castiel had actually given him a rose, it was such a classic romantic gesture, it symbolized passion and lasting love and Dean couldn't be happier. He leaned over to kiss Castiel slowly, and as he backed away he saw Mrs. Novak in the doorway. Dean blushed and pretended not to see her.

Castiel bit his lip, blushing down at the ground. He felt silly, they'd had sex and Castiel was getting hung up on giving his boyfriend a flower. But he supposed they'd had to keep their relationship a secret that they didn't get the opportunity to do the simple things like go to the movies together or eat in public. He got in the passenger seat, seeing a figure at the front door but sighed in relief when it was just his mom. If it had been his dad..well, he wasn't quite sure what would have happened but he didn't want to find out either. He gave her an awkward wave and she waved back and went back inside. Castiel turned to Dean with a smile, "You look nice"

"Thanks," Dean replied, looking at Castiel and returning the smile, "So do you." Dean set the rose down carefully on the backseat so it wouldn't get crushed, and backed out of the driveway. Once they were on the road, Dean breathed a sigh of relief that they were away from Castiel's house and his mother, who was a lovely woman but Dean felt a little shy around her still. He took one hand off the wheel and placed it palm up on the compartment between them and smiled hopefully at Castiel.

Castiel looked between Dean and his hand before reaching out and linking their hands together. "Anna asked me how we met." Castiel said breaking the silence. "I didn't know what to tell her." It was something they hadn't really talked about and Castiel felt they should come to a decision on what they told people because they were bound to ask eventually.

"Hmm." Dean said thoughtfully, feeling guilty as he remembered the circumstances under which they'd met and gotten to know each other. Somehow all of that horrible stuff had turned into the most amazing thing Dean had ever had, but he didn't really know how to explain what had happened without giving too much about themselves away. "I don't know, Cas. Do you think we should tell her the truth, or at least a modified version of it? I don't know what we should tell anyone else, though," he added, picking up on the uncertainty in Castiel's voice. He squeezed his hand reassuringly. "Whatever you're comfortable with, Cas."

Castiel twisted his lips in thought. "I want to tell Anna what we tell everyone else. I don't want anyone else to know. They just won't understand." He sighed, deep in thought. He hated the thought of lying to Anna but this was something between him and Dean. Even if they did tell Anna it would seem tacky and not what they were like at all. It couldn't be explained. "We met in Chemistry. We were lab partners, you needed help with some other studies too. I helped you with your French at lunch times and we soon became friends." he suggested, it was as near to the truth as Castiel would like to share.

Dean nodded in agreement, he liked that idea. "And then our friendship developed into something more," he added with a smile, looking at Castiel happily. He was relieved that's what Cas wanted to tell people, because the truth of how they met was too personal and complicated to tell other people, and it was something only they could understand. Soon they arrived at the Roadhouse, and Dean got out of the car, quickly concealing the simple little package in his jacket. The parking lot was full, as was to be expected on a Saturday night, but it wasn't so crowded that they wouldn't get a table.

Castiel nodded in approval, he was glad Dean understood. He got out the car and looked around the exterior. He'd never been here before, it looked nice. Considering he'd never been on a date before he wasn't sure what the standards were supposed to be but it looked lovely. He walked towards Dean and tangled their hands together again, walking side by side as they entered the restaurant.

When they got inside the restaurant, waitress looked at them and then smiled sweetly. "Table for two?" She asked, and Dean nodded at her and returned the smile. She got two menus and led them to a table in the back of the restaurant where there were other couples, mostly adults, having dates, away from the section that was filled with families and little kids. The inside of the restaurant was dimly lit; cosy and elegant at the same time, and this section of the restaurant had a very romantic feeling to it. They sat down at the little table across from each other and the waitress handed them their menus with a small knowing smile.

Castiel followed the waitress with Dean and looked around them. Mostly adults, Castiel felt a little out of his depth. This wasn't something he did. It felt odd after everything he and Dean had been through. It felt like they were doing everything backwards. Castiel tried not to think about it, it was nice to be able to eat with his boyfriend in public. No one was even paying attention to them. He looked at the menu briefly but he already knew what he wanted, he'd been craving it all day. He smiled over at Dean, glad they were getting the chance to do this.

Dean was feeling very sophisticated. Here he was, being mature and going on a date with Castiel, who looked absolutely stunning tonight in that blue shirt with his hair styled like that, so Dean decided to tell him. "That shirt really brings out your eyes," he told him with a soft smile, picking up his menu. It was a little strange to be on a date like this, since they'd kind of skipped this part of their relationship, but Dean felt like this would make them official, somehow. Going on a date. He smiled to himself and looked at the menu, but since Cas had mentioned burgers he'd been wanting one, and that was probably what he was going to get, as well.

Castiel reached his hand over the table and placed it over Dean's, blushing at Dean's compliment. He rubbed his thumb over the skin, smiling softly over at Dean. "I can't believe this is really happening." It still felt like a surreal dream to him. Being able to show off somebody he loved, surrounded by people who treated them like adults and with the respect and manners they deserved. The waitress soon came over and Castiel removed his hand, still a little shy to be so open in front of others.

"Can I get you gentlemen anything to drink?" The waitress asked, giving them a soft smile, and Dean looked at Cas, cueing him to place his order first. "Cas?" That was how Dean was taught. Always be a gentleman on a date, and let your date order first. Well, technically his dad had told him that was the right way to treat a girl on a date, but Cas was a guy so it made the classic courtesies a little more confusing and he didn't want to embarrass Castiel in any way. They'd have to talk about this, because Dean didn't want one of them to be the "girl" in the relationship, because they were both guys and they should treat each other equally. Dean didn't really know what he was doing, because he'd only been on dates with girls before, and he wanted this to be good.

"Can I get a diet coke, please?" Castiel ordered quietly, looking up with a small polite smile. The waitress smiled and nodded, she looked over at Dean when he gave his order and wrote them both down. "Coming right up." she said cheerfully, turning on her heels to go back to the bar to get their drinks. Castiel bit his lip nervously, why was this so hard? They'd done the hardest part. Why was he worrying over dinner? It was silly. He guessed it just made everything more official, by doing the things boyfriends are supposed to do.

Dean ordered root beer, it always went well with a burger in his opinion. As soon as the waitress left Dean took Castiel's hand across the table and smiled at him reassuringly. "Is this okay?" He asked worriedly. He could tell Castiel was nervous, he was doing that lip-biting thing he always did when he felt uncomfortable, and he didn't want to do this if Castiel wasn't having a good time. That was the entire point of this, for the two of them to go out and spend time together and have a good time.

Castiel nodded, smiling reassuringly at Dean. He squeezed Dean's hand lightly. "Yeah, of course. It's perfect. I.. I've just never been on a date before. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do." he chuckled nervously. It was silly. He was acting like he'd never met Dean but he couldn't help himself. It was all so new to him. He was comfortable with Dean. He just wasn't sure how to be comfortable with Dean in public.

Dean sighed in relief. "Relax, you're doing fine," he said with a small chuckle, tracing his thumb soothingly over the back of Castiel's hand. The waitress came back with their drinks and Dean loosened his grip in case Castiel wanted to pull away, but left his hand where it was. She placed their drinks on the table and then looked at them questioningly. "Are you two ready to order?" She asked politely, looking back and forth between the two of them. They both already knew what they were getting, and Dean nodded at her.

Castiel forced himself to keep his hand where it was insisting that no harm would come of it. "Can I have the 12oz burger, extra bacon, extra cheese, and curly fries" he ordered with a timid smile. He was starving, he hadn't eaten since the day before. Apart from the small breakfast he had this morning but that hardly counted.

Dean smiled at him and then looked up at the waitress, stroking his thumb over Castiel's hand again. "That sounds awesome, I'll have the same, please." The waitress nodded and wrote down their orders with a small smile, and then she walked away. Dean was a bit surprised by Castiel's order, he must really be starving. But Dean was, too. He'd forgotten to eat lunch in his excitement for the date. He could feel the little package poking him awkwardly in the side, but it wasn't noticeable and he decided he was going to give it to Cas after they were done with their burgers.

Castiel bit his lip, squeezing Dean's hand. He couldn't stop smiling, he was really excited to be here with Dean. His boyfriend. "Do you want me to come with you, when you audition?" Castiel asked, wanting to be the supportive and proud boyfriend that Dean deserved. He also wanted to hear Dean sing again but that was beside the point.

Dean smiled shyly. "Sure, I mean, if you want," he said, blushing a little. He was still nervous about auditioning, but it looked like he was going to now and it would make him feel better to have Castiel there with him. "Do you even know what the auditions are like? Because I have no idea," he admitted.

Castiel shrugged, "I saw a few for last years play, they were doing them whilst we were doing the sets." Castiel squeezed Dean's hand. "They either sang a song from the play or danced or did a reading from the script. So I guess you'd sing one of the songs."

Dean bit his lip nervously. "I don't know the play very well," he admitted. "I'm gonna need to learn the songs and practice a lot." He looked up at Castiel hopefully. "You don't happen to own the movie, by any chance, do you?" He asked. Dean really needed to watch it a few times and get the plot and characters down and hopefully learn a few of the songs before his audition.

Castiel grinned, "It's an adaptation of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, of course I own it." He knew most the songs, from watching it too many times on a rainy day but he wouldn't admit it. "I can help you, if you want?" he offered, he could sing, not as good as Dean of course but he was willing to help him learn the songs anyway he could.

Dean smiled when Castiel mentioned Romeo and Juliet, recalling when he'd compared their relationship to the famous star-crossed lovers. "That'd be great," he told him, and then asked timidly, "Do you think I could maybe come over to your house and watch it with you?" Dean could picture the two of them curled up on the couch in Castiel's living room, maybe sharing a blanket and a bowl of popcorn, and the idea made him smile. "Remember when we said how we are like Romeo and Juliet?" Dean said with slight amusement. "Maybe you should audition, too. As long as I get to be Maria and wear a dress." He joked.

Castiel thought about it for a moment, by the time they got back his father would probably be asleep. There shouldn't be any problem with Dean coming back. "Sure, that sounds great." he smiled. He bit his lip when Dean said he should audition. He shook his head timidly, "I can't do that, Dean. I don't want to waste their time, besides I'm already working on the sets." he excused, feeling himself blush.

"_Cas_," Dean said in fond exasperation, "You're not a waste of time. You can sing, I've heard you." He didn't want to make Castiel uncomfortable with pushing him too hard, so he backed off and said, "Well, the sets look pretty awesome." He paused to take a sip of his root beer. "I'm looking forward to watching the movie," he added with a little smile.

Castiel bit his lip, he liked to sing but even yesterday he hadn't sung to an audience like Dean. He'd sung alone for only him to hear. He wasn't sure he'd be able to sing in front of an audience that could hear him. "Me too" he smiled. "It's a good film, you'll like it." Their food arrived shortly after that and Castiel smiled thankfully before tucking into his food with a satisfactory moan. He didn't care if people were watching and judging how he ate. He was hungry and this burger was possibly the best thing he'd ever tasted.

Dean chuckled as Castiel moaned at his burger, and he nudged his leg gently with his foot under the table. "Dude, get a room." he teased, making a face as he bit into his own hamburger. It was delicious, and he watched Castiel eat his burger almost passionately, and then he smirked a little. "Baby, you're making me jealous over here," he whined with a pout as he took a sip of his root beer through the straw.

Castiel blushed a little but continued to eat his burger with soft moans here and there. He chuckled at Dean's half-hearted attempt to look annoyed. He leaned in closely, with a smirk and whispered to Dean "That's the idea." He darted his tongue across his grease stained lips, looking innocently at Dean.

Dean narrowed his eyes. It wasn't fair that Castiel could be so seductive and yet look so innocent at the same time. He was such a tease. Two could play at that game. He picked up his glass of root beer and brought it to his mouth, slipping his tongue out to catch the straw and then closed his lips over it slowly, looking at Castiel through his lashes.

Castiel laughed, if they kept this up they would most certainly be getting banned from the restaurant. Especially if they went forward with the ideas following in Castiel's mind right now. He continued eating his food, sipping at his coke. By the time he was done his plate was completely clean - Castiel resisted the urge to lick it clean. He finished the remains of his coke an sat back in his chair, satisfied.

Dean laughed along with Castiel at what they were doing, and said, "I've never seen anyone eat a hamburger that seductively before." When they finished their food, Dean was pleasantly full, but he still had room for dessert. The waitress came back to ask how their meal was, and Dean grinned and said it was delicious, pretty confident that Castiel felt the same way if his relationship with the burger was anything to go by.

Castiel gave the waitress a small smile, wrapping a foot around Dean's leg under the table. In fear he'd run off. She asked about desert and Castiel ordered a piece of chocolate cake with hot chocolate sauce that he'd seen written on the specials menu when they came in.

Dean rose an amused eyebrow at Cas when he felt his boyfriend's foot curl around his leg, but he didn't say anything and went back to studying the menu. All of the desserts were gigantic, and he wasn't sure he could eat a whole thing. He sighed and put the menu down, looking at the cake Castiel had ordered, and then he smiled up at the waitress. "Could I just have a bowl of vanilla ice cream?" He asked her, and she nodded. "Absolutely. Just a few minutes."

Castiel grinned, curling his foot tighter around Dean's leg. "I love you, Dean." he whispered, reaching out for Dean's hand. Their desserts came after five minutes and Castiel licked his lower lip as he scooped up some of the chocolate sauce onto his finger and sucked it off. He hummed, "So good." He picked up his fork and began eating.

Dean watched with wide eyes as Castiel sucked the chocolate sauce off his finger. That was so not fair. Dean took a scoop of his ice cream and put it in his mouth slowly. "I bet this would go great with your cake," he hinted with a small smirk.

Castiel moved his plate close to Dean's and scooped a bit of Dean's ice cream up to eat with his cake and gestured for Dean to do the same. "Mmm, that is really good" Castiel grinned.

Dean smiled happily and tried to hide his blush by ducking his head. It was ridiculous that he should feel so giddy over the two of them sharing food, but it was something he's often seen couples do. Sharing a dessert. Dean leaned forward a little and took a bit of Castiel's cake on his spoon and then scooped a little ice cream along with it and put it in his mouth, and it was really delicious. Dean decided now would be a good time to give Castiel his gift. He'd gotten him a new guitar strap that was black leather embroidered with gold thread in intricate designs on the edges, and three guitar picks that were the color of Castiel's eyes. It wasn't much, but Dean hoped it would mean something to his boyfriend. He set his spoon down and took the package out of his jacket with and handed it to Castiel shyly.

Castiel licked the chocolate sauce of his lips as Dean dove into his pocket for something. He frowned in confusion when Dean pushed the small package across the table and in Castiel's direction. He looked up at Dean questioningly and then back down at the box. It wasn't his birthday, he couldn't think of a reason Dean had gotten him a present. He opened the gift and his features softened, his heart filling up as he gazed in awe at the strap and picks. He laced the strap through his fingers, feeling the soft leather brush against his skin as he remarked the embroidery. "Dean.." he trailed off softly, at a loss for words. No one had ever given him a gift on the spur of the moment. He felt like he was going to cry. Dean cared for him so much. He bit his lip as he blinked back tears. "Thank you" he breathed, entwining his hand with Dean's.

Dean watched nervously as Castiel opened the gift, and he started to wonder if maybe he shouldn't have gotten it. Maybe he came across as desperate or needy. But the look on Castiel's face as he opened it told Dean that he had no reason to worry. Dean bit his lip and squeezed Castiel's hand back. "I love you," he replied softly with a small smile, wrapping his feet around Castiel's legs in a sort of under-the-table hug.

Castiel put the gift back in its bag and squeezed Dean's hand. When the waitress came back over he asked for the check as she cleared their plates. Once she'd gone to get the bill Castiel squeezed Dean's hand. "You still want to come back for the movie?" he asked, feeling warm and comfortable with Dean's feet wrapped around him casually.

Dean nodded. "If you're sure it's okay, Cas. I don't want to get you in trouble," Dean was worried that Castiel's father or Balthazar might suspect something if they saw Dean in their house, even if he and Castiel kept their distance from each other and only acted like friends.

Castiel smiled, "It's okay Dean it's just my mom and father. Father should be asleep by the time we return home." The waitress came back with the check and smiled sweetly at them. Castiel gave a polite nodded and pulled out the money his mom had given him and placed it on the small plate, leaving a little extra for the waitress. He took Dean's hand and pulled him out of his seat smiling brightly.

Dean sighed in relief and then prepared to take out his wallet as the waitress came back with the bill, but Castiel beat him to it and put his own money down and then pulled Dean up out of his seat, and Dean frowned and looked at the money. "Cas, are you sure you don't wanna split the cost?" Dean was the type of person who wanted to pay for his own things, and it made him a little uncomfortable to allow someone else to pay for him.

Castiel smiled, walking with Dean out to his car. "It was actually my mom's treat." he said quietly, blushing at the fact his mom was paying for their date. He didn't know what was worse, that or the fact that Castiel was letting her. "Her way of saying thanks for taking care of me the other day." As they walked to the car Castiel pressed Dean up against the door, gasping in thrilled nerves. "As for me, I have yet to thank you." he grinned breathlessly.

It was dark outside now, and the air had gotten colder, but that wasn't the reason for Dean's involuntary little shiver. Castiel's eyes were wide and excited in the moonlight, and his smile was intoxicating. Dean's hands went around Castiel's back and then slid lower, until the tips of his fingers slipped into the back pockets of his jeans, and he pulled Castiel closer to him until they were breathing the same air and there wasn't any space between their bodies. Their belt buckles clacked together. "I have a feeling your way of thanking me is very different from your mother's," Dean murmured, eyes roaming over Castiel's face and his heart fluttering with an overwhelming sensation of love and happiness.

Castiel chuckled, closing the gap between their lips. The kiss was tender yet heated, a clash of tongues and lip sucking. Castiel parted after a while, panting hard. His eyes wide and slightly startled. It always shocked him when he took control like that. It was so unlike himself. His cheeks rosy from the cool air and he grinned breathlessly at Dean as he untangled his hands from the front of Dean's shirt. "We should go" he said, getting into the car and hiding a smile.

Dean could hardly breathe when Castiel backed away after the passionate kiss. He looked so unbelievably beautiful, and Dean just stared at him with what was probably a slack-jawed dazed expression before returning Castiel's breathless grin. Both of their chests rising and falling rapidly with the adrenaline of the kiss, just like it was their first time. That was amazing to Dean, that no matter how often they kissed it still had the same spark as the first time, and Dean never wanted to stop. "Yeah, we should go," he echoed with a stupid smile as they got into the car and Dean started driving to Castiel's house.

Once at Castiel's, he led Dean into the living room as he went to check on his parents. They were both in bed asleep and Castiel thanked God for small mercies. He put Dean's gift to him in his bedroom and brought down a blanket and the movie. He told Dean to put on the movie and he went into the kitchen to get some popcorn. He soon came back with a large bowl of the stuff and he snuggled up next to Dean, throwing the blanket over them and placing the bowl in his lap. "Is this okay?" he asked quietly.

Dean followed Castiel quietly into the house and attempted to put the movie in while Cas made popcorn in the kitchen. He had it on the main menu by the time Cas came back and they settled down on the couch. It was perfect, except Dean wished they were wearing something more comfortable than button up shirts and jeans. He shifted so Cas could lean against him more and fit into his side, and smiled at him. "This is perfect," he told him.

Castiel hummed, and pressed play to start the movie. He munched happily on popcorn despite having just eaten a full meal. He leant into Dean's side, curling up against as the opening scene played out. Castiel wanted to kiss Dean like couples do when they watch movies. When they just end up making out and forget what they're watching but this was important. He wanted Dean to see this film and make up his mind about the play. He thought he'd be really good in it and have fun but Dean would need to know what it was about first.

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel's shoulders and placed his hand on Castiel's head so he could play absently with his hair as they watched the movie. He sighed contentedly, warm and comfortable under the blanket with his boyfriend in the dark, cosy room. The movie had just started but he was already a little confused. At least they were speaking English and not that Shakespeare stuff. "Which one's Tony?" He asked through a mouthful of popcorn, frowning at the screen.

Castiel hummed, leaning into Dean's touch. "The one in the yellow jacket." he replied quietly. He'd seen this movie a thousand times but he still treated each viewing like it was his first..plus a lot of mouthing the words as they sung but that was besides the point.

Dean hummed and nodded as he continued to watch the movie. He kind of understood what was happening now. There were two gangs. The Jets were the American-looking guys, and the Sharks were the dark skinned Puerto Ricans. He could get this. He tried not to be distracted by the feeling of Castiel's back moving as he breathed, but it was kind of difficult not to.

Castiel munched on popcorn as they watched through the prologue and the jet song and then came Something's coming, where Tony starts singing in an alleyway by himself as if it's the most natural thing in the world. Castiel had to bite his lip from singing along. He loved Richard Beymer's voice. It was soft yet firm and Castiel wished he had the confidence to sing like that.

Dean watched in interest as Tony began singing, and he tried to imagine himself in that role. It was surprisingly easy to picture himself singing, even though the song sounded a bit difficult, with unpredictable notes, but it was catchy and exciting, and he almost started humming along but stopped himself so he wouldn't be annoying, and instead settled for playing with Castiel's hair and kissing his cheek without turning his attention away from the movie.

They eventually got to Tony and Maria's first meeting at the gym and Castiel could feel himself getting soppy over the story. He curled up with Dean, putting the empty popcorn bowl on the floor as he leant against Dean's shoulder. He loved the big dance numbers it took all his strength to not just bust out into dance or wiggle in his seat.

Dean pulled Castiel's head down against his shoulder so he could lean his own head against Castiel's, and he watched in mild horror at the intense dancing happening on screen. "Uh... Cas?" Dean said uncertainly, "Don't you need like, years of training to do this stuff? Because I'm not that flexible. I can barely even touch my toes,"

"It's not like this on the stage, Dean. It's a lot less intense" he assured, slightly amused by the shock in Dean's voice. "Usually they cast good singers for Tony and Maria and then get backup dancers behind them to make them look better.."

"That's a relief," Dean sighed, and relaxed against Castiel again. They watched the movie in silence for a little while, and then an idea came to Dean's mind. "You dance," he remembered, "You're a great dancer. Maybe you should audition for one of the dancing roles." He squeezed Castiel's shoulder and kissed his cheek encouragingly, looking down at his face with curiosity.

Castiel laughed in disbelief, "You're kidding me, right?" He couldn't imagine himself dancing in front of an audience and in costume on top of that. He wasn't even sure how one would audition with dance. He'd look weird just on his own. "Dean..I can't..I'm not as brave as you." he said quietly. He didn't mind singing or dancing along in his room on his own but he could do what Dean was suggesting.

"Cas, I don't think you know how unbelievably sexy you look when you dance," Dean murmured in his ear with a small grin. He remembered dancing with him at the cabin on prom night, and how his hips had swayed and he danced to the music like he owned it. And not to mention how natural he'd looked on stage with the electric guitar, once he got into the beat of the song and grew more confident.

Castiel blushed, hiding his face away from Dean. "The answers still no." Castiel pressed lightly. He wished he could but he just didn't have the strength that Dean did. He didn't have the natural grace and confidence that Dean had. He rested his head against Dean's shoulder and continued to watch the movie, not wanting to discuss the matter further.

Dean stroked his hair softly. "Okay," he said gently, not wanting to push Castiel into doing something he wasn't comfortable with. Personally, Dean thought Cas would be great in the play, because he could actually dance. But Castiel didn't have enough confidence in himself to audition, so Dean was a little disappointed but he didn't want Castiel to feel pressured. He placed his fingers on Castiel's chin and tilted his head up for a short, gentle kiss.

Castiel sighed into the kiss, feeling bad for insisting Dean should audition and not being able to himself. They watched the rest of the movie in silence and Castiel sighed when it was over. He always found it so sad no mater how many times he watched it. He looked up at Dean, running a hand through his hair. "What do you think?" he asked curiously.

Dean was a little stunned when the movie was over. "Isn't she supposed to kill herself?" He asked stupidly, subtly wiping away a tear that had somehow escaped his eye. That last song had done it. He already had the melody of 'Somewhere' playing in his head even though this was his first time hearing it. "It was surprisingly good," he admitted. Dean wasn't really the type of guy who watched musicals, but he found he'd enjoyed this one.

"In Romeo and Juliet, yeah. This versions just a bit different. I prefer it this way. It's more realistic. Not everyone gets there happy ending by finding everlasting peace together." he shrugged. He smiled when Dean said he liked it. It was practically one of his favourite movies. Dean would probably end up getting roped into watching it every so often.

"That's depressing as hell," Dean mumbled, tightening his arms around Castiel's body and just holding him in the silence after the movie ended. For some reason, Dean was imagining the two of them in a similar situation, and he realized that something like West Side Story could actually happen to them, to a certain level. Dean's father and Castiel's father most like hated each other after what had happened in the bar, and if Balthazar and Gabriel's behavior was anything to go by. Dean huffed a laugh at the irony of it.

Castiel smiled, "Sorry." He leaned into Dean's touch before sighing deeply. "My father is home tomorrow. I have to attend church so I won't see you until Monday." He kissed Dean softly, not risking anything else with his parents just upstairs. "And as much as it pains me to do this but I'm going to have to kick you out." he sighed, running a hand down the side of Dean''s face.

Dean sighed and smiled sadly, reluctant to let go of Castiel and leave the warmth of the couch and blanket they'd shared. But he knew it was necessary; he couldn't even begin to imagine how much trouble they'd be in if Castiel's dad suddenly woke up and came downstairs to see his son kissing another boy. His eyes fluttered closed at the gentle touch and he turned his face to the side to kiss the palm of Castiel's hand. "Okay," he murmured, starting to untangle himself from Cas.

Castiel unravelled himself from Dean's hold and helped the other stand up. He walked him to the door where he kissed him softly. "Goodbye, Dean." he whispered in the dark hallway. The only light coming from the side window which illuminated Dean's features beautifully If it wasn't for the fact his father was upstairs, he would have pinned Dean to the door and kissed him hard.

Dean sighed at the gentle kiss and they backed away from each other slowly, staring into each other's eyes deeply, and Dean felt like he was in West Side Story, ridiculously enough. This would be the balcony scene. He took Castiel's face in his hands and leaned in to kiss him again, not wanting to leave. When they pulled apart, Dean held both of Castiel's hands for a moment before letting go with a small smile. When did he become such a sappy romantic? "Goodnight, Cas." He replied, and backed towards the door slowly.

Once Dean left, Castiel spent a long time leant against the door. Playing the last few minutes back in his head. Dean's gentle and caring gestures. Castiel went too bed with a smile, feeling warm and content. It'd been the perfect night. Great food, great company and it didn't have to result in sex. Not that Castiel didn't want that. It was just nice to experience that other sides to dating now that they could freely in public.

When Dean got home, it was late and his family had already gone to sleep. Dean quietly crept up the stairs and stripped down to his boxers before collapsing into his bed, pleasantly tired. He fell asleep with a smile on his face.


	12. Chapter 12

The next morning, Dean woke up feeling sick. His stomach hurt and he was sweating like crazy, along with a pounding headache and chills. He groaned and curled into a ball on his side miserably, before the churning of his stomach became too much and he had to stumble into the bathroom where he threw up several times. After he was done he slumped on the bathroom floor, his entire body shaking, and he suddenly wanted his mom to comfort him more than anything. John wasn't really a comforting type; in fact, he generally didn't enjoy expressing affection to his sons very much. So Dean sat there shivering and sweating in his boxers with tears in his eyes, wishing for his mom. He missed her so much.

Castiel awoke to something fluffy sat on his face. He wrinkled his nose as he inhaled Amber's tail. He blinked a couple times before pushing her out the way. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. Yawning, he swivelled his legs around to the side of the bed and stood up to take a shower. Once showered, he came back into his room to get changed, checking his bruises as he did so. They didn't look too bad today. The colour didn't look so violent anymore and they were certainly fading. With that good news, Castiel changed into a pair of dress pants and a pale blue shirt. He made his way downstairs to where his parents where waiting to go to church. He quickly took some food from the cupboard and went upstairs to fed Amber before he left. As a second thought he took his phone and texted Dean quickly. 'Morning, I bring virtual hugs and kisses.' He pressed send and cursed at how dumb that sounded but he was in a rush so he stroked under Amber's chin and pocketed his phone and went down to the car where he and his parents drove to church.

A little while later, Sam came out of his room and looked into the bathroom with a worried expression. "Dean, are you okay?" He asked, narrowing his eyes in concern but not coming too close. Dean managed a weak groan in reply but didn't move. His stomach was churning violently and he couldn't stop shaking even though sweat was pouring off him. His entire body ached. After a moment of deep breathing, Dean mumbled, " 'm just sick, Sammy..." Sam frowned and stepped into the bathroom to flush the toilet. He made a disgusted face and then handed Dean a tissue. "Brush your teeth, dude." Sam said, and then walked away. What a comforting brother. "And then go back to bed. I'll tell Dad you're sick." Dean nodded weakly and then stood up to brush his teeth. He really wanted to take a hot bath but he didn't have the energy to do it, so he just brushed his teeth and then stumbled back into his bedroom. He was just starting to fall asleep again when John's heavy footsteps came up the stairs and his concerned face came into view. "What's the matter, son?" Dean rolled over and pointed to his stomach. "Sick," he croaked. John sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Do you want me to stay home today? I can call Rufus and cancel." Dean shook his head. "I'll be okay," he said in a shaky voice, "Sam's here. You should go meet up with Rufus." Rufus was one of his dad's oldest friends. They used to be hunting buddies before they both settled down and got jobs, and they didn't get to see each other very often. John looked at Dean for a long moment. "Are you sure you're going to be okay if I leave?" Dean nodded again, and John patted his leg. "Okay, I trust Sam will take good care of you, but if there's anything you need call me and I'll come straight home, understand?" Dean nodded again, and his dad got up and left him alone. A few minutes later his phone vibrated, and Dean reached to the nightstand and smiled when he read the message from Cas. he replied, "virtuls not as good as th real thign ;)" He realized there were lots of typos but his hands were shaking too hard to fix it so he just hit send. Whatever, Cas would understand what he meant.

Castiel was in the car on the way to church with his parents. His father suddenly piped up, "Have fun yesterday?" Castiel hadn't realized he was talking to him until he saw him looking at him through the rear view mirror. His father rarely talked to him. Gabriel had tried to kill him not three days ago and he wasn't even bothered by it but then again with a homosexual for a son his father probably wouldn't even be upset if he had died. He'd probably turn up to his funeral like he was doing _him _a favour. "Yes, it was pleasant." he replied. His father grunted in response and returned to driving. Once they got to church, his father took his mom to the front to get a good seat. Castiel hung back and sat near the door at the rear. His father didn't like to be associated with him, He said it was hypercritical of his son to come to church with the sins he was committing just by being gay. Castiel just let it go over his head, his father was close-minded. He didn't expect him to understand. He text Dean just as he sat down 'Wish I could be there, I'll phone you once I get out of church.'

A little while later, Sam came in with a glass of water and gave it to him awkwardly. "Uh, I'm not really good at this," he said, looking at Dean worriedly. "Is there anything you want?" Dean sighed and curled up into a ball without drinking the water. He really wanted a bath but he was too dizzy to stand up. "I'm just gonna go back to sleep," he mumbled, pulling the blanket up to his chin with a shiver. His phone vibrated again, under his head where he dropped it on the bed, and it was a message from Cas. Dean smiled softly and then replied, "ok. im kinda sick so i might be asleep when u call but i'll get sam to wake me up. love u"

Castiel didn't get the message from Dean until after the service was over. He bit his lip worryingly when he read that Dean was sick. He'd had the same food as him so it couldn't have been food poisoning. Once back in the car and on the way home Castiel phoned Dean. His mom caught the worried look on his face but didn't say anything as they drove home. He tapped his fingers against his knee as he waiting for Dean to pick up. The ringing stopped as someone picked up. "Are you alright?" he asked, not using names in case his father picked up on it.

Sam took Dean's ringing phone out of his pocket about an hour or two later, and lifted it to his ear. He opened his mouth to say hello but Castiel beat him to it, and Sam felt uncomfortable suddenly. "Uh, hey, Cas. This is Sam. I think Dean's asleep, but he told me to wake him up when you called, so I'll just..." Sam cringed at his awkwardness and ran up the stairs to Dean's room, holding the phone in one hand. "Dean?" He called gently, then shook him awake. "Dean. It's your boyfriend on the phone." Sam still felt a little weird about Dean having a boyfriend when he'd always had girlfriends in the past, but it was something he could get used to, and to be honest he liked Castiel a hell of a lot more than any girl Dean had ever dated. Sam wasn't an expert on relationships, but even he could tell that what his brother and Cas had was something deep and profound. Dean groaned when Sam shook him, but then he rolled over and took the phone from his hand with a tired smile. "Hey, baby," he croaked, delirious with fever. He giggled a little, and Sam slowly backed out of the room trying to hide his smile.

Castiel bit his lip and was about to protest that Sam let him rest but soon Dean was on the phone. He blushed at the endearment, feeling awkward that his parents were right there but they couldn't hear Dean. Just his side so he kept his conversation safe. "Hey, you don't sound too good." he said sadly. He could hear the rough edge of Dean's voice and it made his heart feel heavy. "Do you want me to come over?" he asked, hoping Dean's dad wasn't home. He wanted to comfort Dean the way he had him. He didn't want him to suffer alone.

Dean closed his eyes and relaxed into the pillow. He tried to keep his teeth from chattering, but a shudder wracked his body. The sound of Castiel's voice was soothing to him and he wanted nothing more than for Castiel to be there with him, but he also didn't think it was such a good idea. "Don't wanna get you sick," he mumbled reluctantly, no matter how tempting it was to just beg Cas to come over. He really didn't want Cas to catch this, because it really sucked.

"That's considerate but I think I can manage." he said instead of 'Dean, you're so sweet but I'm coming over there to cradle and kiss you to health whether you like it or not.' His father was obviously listening by the way he nudged his head a little closer. Castiel wouldn't have noticed if he wasn't watching him like a hawk. "I'll see you in ten minutes." He hung up before Dean could protest. His father looked at him curiously as he parked in the drive. "Where are you going?" his father demanded. Castiel swallowed thickly. "Friend's house. He's not feeling too good. I thought I'd go over and play video games with him to cheer him up." His father looked reluctant but finally nodded. "Just be back for Sunday dinner tonight." Castiel nodded and hide his smile. "Yes, sir." He stepped out the car and to the garage. Getting on his motorcycle and riding to Dean's. Once he got there, he knocked on the door. Hopping from leg to leg impatiently. He just needed to see Dean in person, make sure he' s okay.

Dean frowned and tried to insist that Cas stay away, but Castiel cut him off and hung up, and Dean stared at his phone in surprise for a moment before smiling. He set his phone on his nightstand and tried to decide whether or not he should get up and put some clothes on before Cas came over, but he was too tired so he just decided against it and stayed right where he was. A little while later there was a knock on the door and he heard Sam downstairs and then the muffled voices of both his brother and Cas, and then footsteps coming up the stairs.

Castiel came upstairs and so the sorry sight of Dean tangled in his sheets looking sweaty and pale. "Well aren't you a gorgeous gal?" Castiel smirked teasingly, trying not to show how much it hurt to see Dean like this. He walked over to the bed and placed the back of his hand against Dean's forehead. "You're burning up." he commented worryingly. He went into the bathroom in search of a wet cloth. He came back and sat on the edge of the bed, placing the cloth on Dean's forehead and brushing his hair back.

"Shut up," Dean groaned miserably as Castiel came into his room, but he couldn't stop himself from smiling in relief at the fact that Cas was there. He closed his eyes as Castiel touched his forehead and allowed himself to be cared for when Castiel came back with the cool cloth. Dean was feverish and feeling a little delirious still, and he kind of felt like he was in a dream. The last time he'd been this sick was when he was about 11 and he'd caught the flu. "Thanks, Cas..." he murmured, and closed his eyes as Cas stroked his hair. He was reminded of his mom, and suddenly he felt like crying.

Castiel smiled sadly and scooted up the bed to lie with Dean, stroking his hair. "You okay? Have you been sick?" Castiel asked, working out what he was dealing with. When Castiel was sick he had to look after himself. His mom was the only one that cared and she was always at work so she wasn't around that much. So Castiel knew what it felt like to be at home alone and feeling awful.

Dean nodded weakly and snuggled closer to Castiel even as he muttered, "Cas. You're gonna get my germs," But he didn't move away. Dean needed the comfort more than he cared to admit, and Castiel was warm when Dean was feeling so cold. "I won't share the disgusting details," he added with a grimace.

"I'll take that as a yes." he smirked, kissing Dean's forehead. He put Dean's hand over the cloth as he reluctantly moved to go downstairs and make Dean a sandwich. He came back upstairs with the food, a glass of water and some aspirin. He handed the sandwich to Dean and set aside the other two items and came back to lie next to him. "It'll help settle your stomach." he promised.

Dean whimpered pathetically as Cas left, but he knew Cas would come back. In a few minutes he returned, carrying a sandwich, a bottle of pills, and a glass of water. "You made me a sandwich?" Somehow the idea of Castiel making himself at home in Dean's kitchen made him feel warm and mushy inside. When he smelled the food, his stomach lurched and he grimaced. He sipped at the water instead. " 'm not hungry now," he whined quietly, putting the sandwich to the side and turning towards Cas. He realized he was acting like a petulant toddler but he was too miserable to do anything else.

"Unless you want to be throwing up on an empty stomach and burning your insides I suggest you eat." he said firmly. He picked up the sandwich and took a bite before holding it in front of Dean. "I know you feel awful, Dean. Just trust me, you'll feel better." he said a bit softer, realizing he might have sounded a bit harsher than he had intended before.

"I love you, Cas," Dean mumbled dazedly as he took the sandwich from Castiel and reluctantly took a small bite. The bread was dry and mild in his mouth, and he chewed it for a long time before hesitantly swallowing and following it down with a sip of water. Surprisingly, he didn't feel sicker, and he slowly ate a few more bites and drank some more water before he decided to set the sandwich down, unable to eat any more. "I just bit that so you can't have any more," he murmured, his eyes closing as he leaned against Castiel's shoulder. "It's covered in my germs."

"I guess that means you'll have to eat it." he smiled, wrapping his arm around Dean and holding him close. He kept the cloth on Dean's forehead and handed one of the aspirins to Dean. "It'll bring down your temperature. If you feel worse let me know. I could run you a bath if you want? The hot water helps relaxes the muscles and you don't feel as wound up and clenched."

Dean nodded feebly. "Yeah, okay." A bath was exactly what Dean wanted. He was freezing cold and achy and a bath would make him feel so much better. He sat up a little and swallowed the pill Cas handed him with another sip of water. God, he felt like crap. He struggled to a sitting position and slowly swung his shaking legs over the bed. He wished he'd put on a shirt, because the sweat cooling on his heated skin was making him shiver even harder as he left the warmth of Castiel's arms and the blankets.

Castiel was right by his side, helping him to stand by wrapping an arm around him. "You okay?" he asked softly, waiting until Dean could stand and waited patiently again until Dean adjusted his balance to be able to walk. He took him over to the bathroom and sat him on the edge of the tub. He poured the water, adding whatever bubble bath stuff he found lying on the side. He tested the water and kissed Dean's forehead. "Do you want me to leave?" he asked awkwardly. Dean was sick but it also felt a bit intimate and intruding seeing someone else bath. Even if said person was his boyfriend.

Dean leaned on Castiel as the floor seemed to sway under his feet and he sat down gratefully on the edge of the tub. Colorful spots clouded his vision and he felt dizzy and lightheaded. After he recovered a little bit from the walk over, he noticed Castiel preparing a bath for him. "Stay?" He asked timidly, clutching at Castiel's sleeve. He didn't care how pathetic he looked. Besides, Cas had seen him naked before so this wasn't a big deal. Just as long as Sam didn't find out about this. Dean didn't want to traumatize the poor kid.

Castiel bit his lip and nodded, he managed to pry Dean's hand away long enough to help him strip and get into the tub. He kissed his forehead and sunk to the floor, leaning his arm against the side of the tub, his fingers dipping slightly into the water. He watched Dean carefully, making sure he was alright. He'd have to leave soon but he was willing to take the wrap with his father for being a little late as long as he knew Dean was feeling a bit better.

Dean shakily sunk into the warm water, tipping his head back and sighing in relief at the feeling of the hot water enveloping his body and relaxing his tense muscles. He leaned against the back of the tub and turned his head toward Castiel and then tentatively took his hand. "Thanks, Cas." He whispered, smiling tiredly at his boyfriend. He was so glad that Castiel was willing to put up with Dean when he was sick, and wanted to comfort him and take care of him. Dean felt better just because Cas was here, and he wanted nothing more than to kiss him but he refused to because of his germs.

Castiel played with Dean's fingers when the other took his hand. "It's okay," he shrugged. "I've been sick so many times..I know how to deal with it. I just thought you might want some company." He smiled softly at Dean, kissing his cheek.

Dean hummed happily when Castiel kissed his cheek and leaned into the touch. Castiel's lips felt cool against his hot skin. "You're the world's best boyfriend," Dean mumbled sleepily, closing his eyes. "I'm gonna make you a tee shirt that says that on it." Dean didn't even know what he was saying, it was just random rambling and he felt like he was half-asleep.

Castiel rolled his eyes and smiled fondly, pressing his hand to Dean's forehead. His temperature was certainly improving. He had to be going soon so he helped Dean get dressed into a t-shirt and boxers and tucked him up in bed. He left one aspirin next to the water and put the bottle in his pocket to put back in the kitchen on his way out. He didn't want Dean taking more than he was supposed to. He kissed his cheek, brushing his hair back. "If you start burning up again take another aspirin. Just get some sleep okay, love?"

Dean's heart clenched when Castiel called him that. 'Love'. It reminded him of his mother, but this was a completely different meaning. Dean was so in love with Cas that he didn't know what to do with himself. He let Castiel tuck him in and kiss his cheek lovingly, and Dean closed his eyes tightly and leaned his forehead against Castiel's temple. "You're so nice," Dean said. It wasn't one of his most eloquent statements of affection, so he fixed it with, "I love you so much, Cas."

"I love you too, Dean." he smiled softly. He laid down on the bed next to Dean and tangle a hand gently into Dean's hair, playing with it absently as he started singing softly to Dean. It was an old French lullaby that his Grande-mere used to sing. He sang softly and barely above a whisper as he crooned Dean to sleep.

Dean sighed deeply and relaxed into the mattress. He felt heavy and exhausted and weak, and Castiel was singing him to sleep. The bath and the sandwich he'd eaten had helped him somewhat, and Dean thought begrudgingly of Sam, who had been no help at all. Dean sleepily mumbled, "Wanna trade you for Sammy..." and then felt his entire body relaxing as sleep overtook him.

Castiel chuckled softly, brushing Dean's hair back and his singing quietened into silence once Dean was back asleep. He kissed his forehead and stood up carefully. "I'll call you tomorrow, love." he smiled and closed the door behind him. He went downstairs and found Sam watching TV. "Hey, uh, I managed to bring his temperature down and he's back to sleep. If he wakes up or throws up again, could you give him one of these and make sure he eats a bit first?" Castiel handed Sam the bottle of aspirin. His voice full of concern. He wished he could stay all night and make sure Dean was okay but he needed to get home.

Sam didn't know Castiel all that well, and he still had no idea why Dean had started dating a guy when he used to be so into girls, but whenever Sam saw the two of them together he knew that somehow, they were perfect for each other. He hadn't seen his brother this happy in years, and Castiel was the cause of that. Sam was definitely planning to keep him around. When he walked into the room and expressed his concern for Dean, Sam smiled warmly and took the bottle of pills from him. He barely stopped himself from blurting out, 'I think you and Dean should get married' and told Cas instead, "Thanks, Cas. You're really good for him, you know." He paused and looked at the ground before continuing quietly, "He hasn't been the same since Mom died, but now he's like a completely different person. I think you fixed him."

Castiel blushed at Sam's words, looking at the floor. He hardly knew Sam and here he was telling him he was good for his brother. The thought made him smile that he was actually good for Dean. Part of his purpose. He felt like melting into a soppy mess when Sam started talking about his mom. He bit his lip, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. "He was never broken, Sam. He just needed to find himself again." Castiel nodded and left the house quietly. He took to his motorcycle and rode home.

A few hours later, Dean woke up feeling disgustingly sweaty, and Cas was gone. He slowly got out of bed, stomach lurching a little as he did so. He walked carefully to the bathroom, feeling weak and shaky and squinting his eyes against a pounding headache, but he made it into the bathroom and decided to take a shower. Feeling clean always made him feel better and he went back to his room to get dressed in new pajamas before carefully wandering downstairs. He sat down on the couch beside Sam, who was watching TV. "Cas left?" Dean asked, and Sam nodded, standing up to go into the kitchen. "Are you feeling any better? He told me to feed you." Dean raised an eyebrow at Sam's choice of words, and commented, "Feed me? I'm not a dog, Sam." Sam rolled his eyes slightly and went into the kitchen. "Soup and crackers?" Sam asked from the kitchen, and Dean replied, "Sure. And some water, I've got a massive headache." He reached for the remote and turned the volume down on the television, and soon Sam came in with the stuff on a tray and put it on the coffee table in front of Dean before sitting down and handing him the bottle of pills. "And he said you should take one of these," Sam added, and Dean obliged. The two of them spent the rest of the afternoon watching TV, Dean dozing off occasionally. He was too tired to do anything else.

Castiel returned home just in time for dinner. He quickly changed into something clean and respectable and went back downstairs to the dining room. "Apologies. I lost track of time." Castiel said, looking down and avoiding his father's piercing gaze. His mother chimed in just before his father had a chance. "That's alright, sweetheart. We were just starting." she smiled sweetly. They said grace and ate in slightly awkward silence. Castiel wasn't sure what his father knew and it was a little unsettling to be left in the dark. So he pretended like everything was normal but there was certainly this vibe hanging heavily between them. Castiel ate quickly and excused himself. He went up to his room and caught up with homework. Once he'd studied for a few hours he took a break and danced to his iPod. Gym Mambo coming on and he spun around the room, doing the dance he'd watched way too many times. He thought about Dean which made him call him just to check in on him. He hoped he wasn't waking him.

Sam had just left the living room to go get a snack for himself and another glass of water for Dean when his phone rang. Dean answered it with a smile. "Hey, Cas," he said, hearing music he recognized from West Side Story in the background. He grinned. "What're you doing?" He asked him, turning the TV volume down again and laying back against the arm of the sofa, his legs stretching out to fill the space Sam had left.

Castiel's smile widened as he heard Dean answer the phone. He sounded a bit better since the last time they'd spoken. "Nothing." he lied, turning down the music until it was barely a whisper. He was embarrassed to admit he was dancing to West Side Story. Dean would probably laugh at him or something. "I, uh, I just wanted to see how you were doing." Castiel smiled softly. "Did Sam give you the pills? Have you eaten?" he asked worryingly.

"I'm feeling a little better now, thanks," Dean said warmly. He giggled slightly at Castiel's mildly guilty tone when he'd said he was doing nothing, but Dean figured he was either watching the movie again, listening to the soundtrack, or possibly even dancing to it, but he didn't ask. "Yeah, Sam followed your instructions. I still want to trade him, though." He said dryly.

"I doubt your dad would be exactly pleased about that." Castiel said, a little harsher than he meant. "Sorry, look just drink plenty of fluids. If you start burning up take another aspirin and please call me if you need me to sing for you or talk to make you feel better, okay?" Castiel rattled off quickly. He sat on his bed and stared at the clock. He'd have to sleep soon if he was to get up for school tomorrow.

Dean's smile faded as he thought about his dad. He wished everything wasn't so complicated. "Yeah, thanks for coming over. And, you know, thanks for everything," he said with a little sigh. It was startling how Dean's dad hadn't even taken time out of his day to take care of his sick son, while Castiel had risked being caught by his father and was calling him again to check on him. Dean's dad didn't even call once during the day, and he'd been out all morning. It hurt more than Dean cared to admit. "God, I love you, Cas." He said, just as his dad walked into the room. Dean stared at him in shock; he hadn't even heard him come into the house. Sam was standing uncertainly in the doorway in the kitchen, staring at Dean wide-eyed, and Dean didn't know where to look. John was looking at him suspiciously, and Dean quickly hung up the phone without saying anything else to Cas. He'd explain later. Sam and John had both heard Dean say 'I love you, Cas.' and Dean just looked at his dad, waiting for him to say something. Or waiting for Sam to say something. After a tense moment, John asked slowly, "Who's Cas?" And Dean struggled for an answer. He couldn't explain away what had just happened, but luckily Sam stepped forward and covered for him. "His girlfriend Cassie." Sam nodded subtly at Dean, and Dean let out the breath he'd been holding. John still looked suspicious though, and he said, "I thought you were dating a girl named Lisa." Dean bit his lip and shrugged. "We broke up," he said, trying to keep his voice from shaking. "And, uh, Cassie was just calling to check up on me since she heard I was sick." Dean met Sam's eyes briefly and then looked back at his father, whose expression hadn't changed. "You and this Cassie," he said thoughtfully, "You two are serious about each other?" Dean nodded. John nodded back at him and his expression still didn't change. "I'd like to meet her. I want you to invite her over for dinner sometime soon, maybe next weekend." John began walking slowly out of the room, and then said over his shoulder, "Make sure you use protection, Dean. I won't have you getting that girl pregnant." John retreated to the garage and closed the door behind him. As soon as the door closed behind him Dean sank to the floor, his knees feeling like jelly. Sam came over to him, tugging at his overly-long hair and staring at Dean with a panicked expression, and Dean just held his hands to his face and stared at the floor. "Shit," he muttered, feeling both relieved and anxious at the same time. He giggled hysterically. "I'm not getting any girls pregnant, that's for sure," he said in a strangled voice.

Castiel smiled at the endearment. "I love yo- Hello?" Castiel frowned at his phone. Dean had abruptly hung up on him. That's just rude. He didn't hold it against him though. He probably had to go throw up or something urgent. Although that didn't ease Castiel's mind. If Dean was throwing up again that meant he was getting worse. Castiel ran a hand through his hair and breathed heavily through his nose. He waited twenty minutes before trying to phone again. He paced impatiently as he heard the phone ring out.

Dean needed to talk to Cas. This was a huge problem, and he wasn't sure how much his dad knew, but he couldn't shake the feeling that John suspected something. The way his dad had looked at him made him shiver involuntarily, and he could hardly breathe. He ran to the bathroom and threw up again, more out of nerves than actual sickness. When he was done, his eyes were watering and his stomach muscles were burning and he locked the door, leaning miserably on the side of the tub. He felt so panicked that he was shaking and breathing in little gasps. He turned the bathroom fan on and the sink so they would drown out the sound of him talking, and then he quickly called Cas. His boyfriend picked up almost immediately, and Dean started rambling in a shaky voice, "Cas, I'm sorry I hung up, my dad got home and he heard me say that but Sam covered for me and I don't know if he believes any of it and then Sam said you were a girl and your name is Cassie and now he wants to meet you and he invited you over for dinner but you're not a girl and he thinks you are and..." He trailed off and pressed a hand to his forehead, trying to breathe normally but he couldn't seem to get enough air in his lungs. He was losing it.

Castiel listened to Dean speak and rattle on and Castiel's eyes widened. He fell to the floor, his legs going weak and he almost sat Amber's tail in the process. "It's okay, love, just take a deep breath." he crooned, his own voice wavering in shock but he tried to focus on calming down Dean. He wasn't well and it wouldn't help him to get this wound up. Dean's dad knew, sort of. This wasn't good. Okay, think. Castiel bit his lip so hard he could taste blood. "Okay, here's what we're going to do." Castiel said calmly, whilst inside he was practically shitting himself. "We're going to ask the world of Anna and get her to pretend to be Cassie. Enough people have seen her with us that it sounds plausible. If your dad by some annoyance knows who she is you can just say Cassie is one of those nicknames as she doesn't like the name Anna or something." Castiel nodded to himself, his mind rattling as he tried to fit the pieces together for this to work seeing as there was no chance in hell Dean's father would allow Dean to get away with not introducing this 'Cassie' to him. "It's just dinner, that could work..right?"

Dean was freaking out, but Castiel's idea made sense to him. He drew in a deep breath and then let it out. He was still trembling, and he nodded even though Cas couldn't see him. "Okay," he said in a strangled voice, "Okay. That could work. Cas, I'm sorry. I'm so, _so_ sorry," Dean screwed his eyes shut and tried not to cry. He was terrified. "What if Anna won't do it?" He whispered, because he was not the most optimistic person in the world and he had major doubts. "I'm so sorry, this is all my fault." One little slip was all it took to bring this crashing down on them, and now they were getting Anna involved and Dean didn't want to do that, but what choice did he have? "I don't want to lose you," he mumbled. His voice cracked and tears slid down his cheeks.

Castiel bit his lip, trying to remain strong for Dean but he could feel silent tears tumble down his cheeks. "It's okay, love. We're going to be okay. You won't loose me, I promise." he said in what he hoped was an assuring voice. "She will, she's a saint. We'd owe her big time but she'll do it." Castiel nodded. She had to, she just had to. They were royally screwed otherwise. She just had to. "Stay strong, love. I'll ring back soon. Just let me talk to Anna first, okay?" Castiel hung up the phone and fumbled with his phone to ring Anna. He explained to her what had happened and she sounded just as terrified as Castiel did. She agreed to help them out and Castiel said he'd talk her through it in more detail tomorrow at school. He rung Dean back quickly after that, not wanting to keep him waiting. "She'll do it. We're going to be okay." Castiel nodded, smiling sheepishly.

After Castiel hung up, Dean threw his phone down on the floor and drew his knees up to his chest, curling into a little ball and crying silently. A few minutes later Cas called back and Dean picked up the phone with a shuddery breath. He couldn't stop shaking. When Cas told him Anna agreed to pretend to be Dean's girlfriend, Dean closed his eyes and relieved tears leaked out of his eyes as his body relaxed. "Oh my god," he groaned, and sagged against the bathtub until he was practically laying on the floor. "Okay. She _is_ a saint." Dean knew how much of a risk this was to Anna, and even though he was reluctant to bring her into this he was so glad she's agreed to help nonetheless.

Castiel let out a shaky laugh. "I'm going to go through with her tomorrow the basic stuff. Your birthday, family, y'know genetic stuff. We don't want her looking surprised when your dad asks her a question she should already know the answer to if she's dating you." Castiel sounded confident and in control but inside he was tearing apart. If this didn't work they were screwed. They'd never see each other again. Dean's dad would tell his dad and all hell would break loose. It would be a miracle if his father even let him out the house to go to school once he finds out he's got a boyfriend. He took a deep breath before trying to comfort the sobbing mess on the other end of the phone. "You still with me, love? Just take a deep breath. You're going to okay. _We're _going to be okay."

Dean didn't feel any calmer. He couldn't stop imagining everything that could go wrong. If Dean or Anna made a mistake or if they didn't look genuinely in love with each other, then everything would fall apart. Dean's dad would probably find out Anna wasn't really his girlfriend and he was hiding the fact that he had a boyfriend, and then Dean would most likely be kicked out of the house and disowned by his father. That would be a disaster enough, not to mention the consequences Anna would face as well. Dean would probably never be able to see Cas or Anna ever again. If anything happened and Dean's dad found out, Dean decided he would just tell his dad that Anna was nothing more than a best friend, and that Dean was gay, but he was not going to mention Castiel's name to him at all. If Dean could spare Castiel from this, he would. He'd keep Castiel a secret from John, and then maybe Cas wouldn't get the shit beaten out of him. With this in mind, he felt a little stronger, but he couldn't tell Cas because he knew his boyfriend would refuse to leave his side if John found out Dean was gay. He took a deep breath. "I'm okay now," he said quietly, feeling safer with his backup plan. "I love you." He told Castiel firmly, needing him to hear it. Dean would do anything for him.

Castiel let out a shaky breath, smiling even though Dean couldn't see him. "I love you, too." he breathed, struggling to keep his voice together as reality began to sink in with each second. This was more than dinner. This was their future and everything had to go right. He was about to hang up when a thought occurred to him, "Oh and Dean..I hate to bring this up but..you know how in every rom-com where this sort of thing happens? Two friends would pretend to be together to fool their parents or whatever..and they freak out when they get asked to kiss or hug or something. Well, if..I just want you to know I understand and I want you to.." Castiel trailed off, rubbing a hand wearily over his face. "I need you to touch Anna..once your better and germ-free. It's those small touches of hands annd stuff that'll make it believable and..this needs to go right. We can't screw up just because you hesitate when you hug her and stuff, y'know?" Castiel was sobbing now. He was scared that something would go wrong and it couldn't. It just couldn't.

Dean pressed his hand against his eyes and clenched his teeth hard as he listened helplessly to Castiel crying on the phone and he couldn't hold him and kiss him and tell him everything was okay, even if he wasn't sick. "Cas." He whispered brokenly as fresh tears poured out of his eyes. He bit back a sob and tugged at his hair. He was laying on his back on the cold tile floor of the bathroom and his tears were running down the sides of his face into his ears. The thought of replacing Castiel with Anna was painful to think about, even if it was only pretend, and Dean just wished his dad would accept it so he could have his boyfriend over for dinner. "Cas, you mean everything to me," he murmured in a cracked voice. His chest felt so tight he could hardly breathe. He didn't want to have to hide Castiel from his dad and then pretend to be in love with Anna, and he knew it had to be hurting Castiel as much as it hurt him. But it was the only thing either of them could think of to save themselves for a little longer, so Dean had to do it. He would do his best to make it convincing, no matter how hard it was. "I'm so sorry, baby,"

Castiel bit back a sob, holding his hand over his mouth to stop his shaky breath being heard on Dean's end of the phone. "I know, love. You're my world too.. but you need to do this for us." He took a deep breath, trying to keep firm with the situation. He needed to keep a clear head if they were going to do this right. "You're going to take Anna's hand and hold it under the table. Look at her when you think she's not looking and you're going to act couplely even when you think your dad's not looking because you can guarantee that's when he will be so you can't slip up, love." Castiel had to stop to let out a few violent breaths as he lungs threatened to function properly. "And I love you so much, I believe in you, Dean. You can do this, okay? Do it for us." Castiel choked out.

Dean nodded miserably, trying to compose himself. He drew another deep breath and let it out in a loud sigh. He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling of the bathroom and concentrated on breathing and the sound of Castiel's voice. He could hear his boyfriend falling apart on the phone, the tension in his voice and the sobs and harsh breaths that punctuated each sentence, and he couldn't do anything about it except agree to Castiel's idea. "Okay." Dean said shakily, but his voice was firm. "Cas, I'm going to school tomorrow no matter what, all right? I'll help you talk to Anna, and we'll make a plan and make sure she's okay with it." Dean hated this. Even thinking about lying to his father made him feel dirty, and he also felt horrible for getting Anna involved, and it was almost like he was cheating on Cas. He hated it. And if anything went wrong Sam would most likely get in trouble for lying for Dean, and everything was Dean's fault because he wasn't careful. He had to fix this.

Castiel shook his head before realizing Dean couldn't see him. He didn't trust his voice, it was messy and choked out each word and it would only make Dean more nervous to hear a voice that high strung and upset but he needed to use it seeing as he wasn't in the room with him. "No, Dean. You'll stay home and rest. I can't.. I just need you to be safe. Just..please, if you're in bed I'll know you're okay." Castiel had too much to deal with, he couldn't spend his Monday baby-sitting his sick boyfriend. He had to help with the sets, talk to Anna, figure out how to keep this information from reaching Anna's parents so they don't tell Castiel's parents at church. He was also thinking about auditioning and surprising Dean with this confidence..that seemed to be fading as quick as it came. All thanks to Dean's dad. "Love, please..just concentrate on getting better first."

"I'm already feeling better," Dean insisted. "I'm sure I'll be fine by tomorrow morning, but if I'm not I promise I'll stay home." he promised, although he wasn't entirely telling the truth. "Cas, we can fix this." Dean said firmly. He had to be there, he couldn't let Castiel deal with all of this on his own. They were together in this and they needed to work as a team to make this work. Dean checked the time on his phone, and it was getting pretty late. "I'll go to bed right now," he said, with a pleading edge to his tone. "Don't worry about me, okay? I'm really feeling better, thanks to you."

Castiel breathed deeply through his nose, closing his eyes. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to calm himself down. "Okay, just take care of yourself. I love you." Castiel hung up the phone soon after that, exhausted and worn out. He stood up shakily and braced himself against the wall before managing to change into his boxers and collapse on the bed. He feel asleep pretty quickly, emotionally drained and fed up.

After Castiel ended the call, Dean lay on the floor for a few more minutes, lulled into an almost dream-like state by the sound of running water and and the fan humming softly above him. But he knew he had to get up and go to bed, so he did. Sam was waiting in the hallway, sitting on the floor next to Dean's room, and Dean wiped his eyes and gave Sam a reassuring smile that he hoped didn't look too forced. Sam looked really worried, and Dean said, "It's okay, Sammy. Everything's under control for now. We've got a plan, I'll tell you later." He ruffled Sam's hair on the way into his room, and then he collapsed onto his bed and was soon fast asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Castiel awoke the next morning with a serious headache. He winced as he sat up and moved slowly into the bathroom, the water pounding against his skin and agitating his head as he showered. He'd barely slept and was worrying about Dean all night. His head and limbs felt numb. Once clean, he dressed in simple jeans, t-shirt and leather jacket. He got on his motorcycle and rode to school early, hoping Dean was wise enough not to come in today.

Dean woke up feeling a little better than he had yesterday, but still a little under the weather. Mostly, it was the headache, but he could fix that with some more aspirin. He took a shower and got dressed quickly. Sam was already ready to go, and luckily John had left early. Dean really didn't want a confrontation with his dad this morning after what had happened last night. He still needed time to gather his thoughts and get their plan together. Sam looked at him worriedly as they got into the car, and they drove most of the way there in a tense silence. Eventually, Sam huffed a frustrated sigh and blurted out, "What's going on, Dean?" Dean looked at him in surprise and then bit his lip and turned back to the road. "Everything's under control, for now." He told his younger brother. "This girl Anna we know is going to pose as 'Cassie'. I talked to Cas last night," he said, his voice growing tight as he remembered the stress and worry of their conversation. Sam sighed in relief. "Okay, but you know this isn't gonna work forever. Dad's going to find out somehow, and then what are you going to do?" Dean glared at Sam. "I have no fucking idea," he growled in frustration. Sam shook his head. "Sorry, Dean, but I'm just saying it like it is. You know it won't last forever. But I'm going to help you however I can, okay?" Sam said firmly. Dean looked at his brother with a sad smile. "Thanks, Sammy." They arrived at school and Dean saw Castiel over by his motorcycle, just having gotten there. He quickly jumped out of the car and hurried over to him to wrap his arms around his boyfriend in a big, desperate hug. "I won't kiss you because I've probably still got germs," he murmured, closing his eyes and relaxing against Castiel's body.

Castiel saw Dean and had to keep himself from loosing his temper. He'd told Dean to rest but he clearly hadn't listened. This wouldn't work if Dean wouldn't even listen to him. Having Dean well rested is what they needed right now. He needed Dean to be able to focus without conjuring a headache. Castiel felt ill and light-headed just from thinking about this and he wasn't even sick. God knows how Dean felt. Castiel grabbed Dean's shirt and fisted his hands around the thin material as he pulled Dean into a firm and passionate kiss. Last night had scared him to death, he couldn't bare the thought of leaving Dean alone. Never being able to see him again. "Don't you ever do that to me again." Castiel growled, pulling him into a tight hug. "I was so worried about you."

When they broke apart after the kiss, Dean stared at Castiel in shock, but was then pulled roughly into Castiel's arms, and Dean threw his arms around Cas in return. Dean realized how Cas must have felt when he hung up on him last night, because Dean would've felt the same if their roles were reversed. And after everything that had happened with his father, that must have been a huge shock to Cas. "It's okay, Cas, I'm fine." He murmured through his tight throat, tears threatening to fall all over again. "God. I'm so sorry for getting us into this mess," Dean was so scared of losing Castiel, but he couldn't blame him if he didn't want to do this anymore. "Cas, I'm really worried about you," Dean said hesitantly, backing away to look him in the eyes. He kept his hands firmly on Castiel's arms. "And this is all my fault... I want you to know I'll understand if you don't..." _want to be with me anymore. _He couldn't bring himself to say it, because it was too painful but he felt like it was the right thing to at least offer. If you love someone, let them go. He really didn't want that to happen, though. He hugged Castiel tightly again and breathed in that familiar, reassuring scent. He couldn't lose this, it would probably kill him if Cas changed his mind.

Castiel felt a small sound escape his throat, like a small whimper as Dean suggested..even thought about.._letting him go. _"Don't" he said firmly, shaking his head as he buried his face into Dean's neck to hide his tears. "Don't you dare" he spat angrily, grip tightening. He couldn't believe Dean would even think about breaking up as an option. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me," Castiel choked out, his voice small and lost. He pulled away so he could see Dean's face. His own red and swollen from crying. His fingers dug into the sides of Dean's arms as he held him tightly, afraid he might leave. "And I am _not _giving you up without a fight." he said firmly, trying to regain his voice and composure. He rested their foreheads together, breathing deeply as he calmed himself down. His hand resting in Dean's hair and caressing it softly. "I love you so much, Dean." he whispered, voice still a little shaky. "I can't..I'm not going to loose you."

Relieved tears fell from Dean's eyes as Castiel pulled him close again, and they held each other tight. "I love you," he whispered, his gaze locked with Castiel's as their foreheads touched, and Dean could feel Castiel's shuddering breath against his face. He had his arms around Castiel's back with his fingers interlocked with each other so Castiel couldn't leave him, and Dean couldn't even believe he was worried about that happening in the first time. "I won't leave you, Cas. I promise." He choked out. "I'll never stop being in love with you." If Dean hadn't been involved in this situation, if he was a random passer-by who happened upon this scene, he was certain that the two of them looked like they were straight out of a romance movie.

Castiel took deep breaths, closing his eyes as he let Dean just flow over him. Taking in his scent and heat as his own personal relaxing method. His body melted into Dean's touch and everything suddenly felt better with them together. The thought of Dean loving him for a long time would be the thing he would focus on to get through this. He tugged at Dean's shirt, turning him towards the school. "Anna and I have art all day for set design. I think we should talk to her now..it's going to be a long day." Castiel said, kissing Dean briefly, lacing his hand with Dean's and walking towards the school.

Dean nodded weakly and allowed Castiel to lead him into the school. He still felt a little numb after the shock of everything that had happened, but they were going to talk to Anna and everything was going to work out fine. It had to. Dean raised a hand to his face to wipe away his tears, and took a deep breath as they walked towards the school hand in hand. Luckily, there weren't many people around yet because they were so early. Dean didn't want the entire school seeing them when they were this upset and stressed. They needed to talk to Anna in private.

Once they arrived in the art room Anna was sitting cross-legged around one of the sets. When she saw who it was she came running up to them and wrapping an arm around each of them in an awkward embrace. "I'm sorry to hear about what's happened." she said, sounding genuinely upset for them. She backed away, blushing at her bold gesture. She reverted back to standing awkwardly in front of them, brushing a stand of hair behind her ear. "I'm willing to help what ever way I can. Just tell me what I need to do."

Dean was surprised when Anna hugged them both, but he quickly returned the embrace and realized he'd have to get used to touching her if the plan was going to work. When she backed away, Dean exchanged a look with Cas, and then he turned back to Anna. "So, Cas probably already explained what happened, but I don't know if you have all the details. I was talking to Cas on the phone and my dad heard me say his name and he asked who it was, and then my brother Sam told him it was my girlfriend Cassie, and now he wants to invite 'Cassie' over for dinner this weekend. And that's you." Dean looked at her hopefully.

Anna nodded in understanding, smiling sadly. "Yes, Castiel said." She paused a moment before continuing. "There's usually people in school on weekends when rehearsals and stuff are going on. I can tell my parents I'll be helping out here to make things less complicated" she suggested. Castiel nodded, this would keep Anna's parents out of the picture. They didn't need more people involved in this mess than squeezed Dean's hand before bring Dean's hand to entwine with Anna's. He let go as Dean and Anna held each other's hand. "Okay, this is the important bit." Castiel started, his voice trembling. Even though they were pretending, Castiel still felt sick to his stomach. Anna frowned, moving her hand away. She didn't want to upset Castiel or Dean.

Dean watched sadly as Castiel brought Anna's hand to his, and then let go of both of them and stepped back a little. Dean felt uncomfortable, but he knew it was necessary, and he looked at Castiel apologetically. Anna seemed nervous too, and the tension in the room spiked to dangerous levels. Dean could see the barely concealed disapproval and jealousy in Castiel's eyes as he looked at Dean and Anna's joined hands, and then Anna pulled back and let go of Dean's hand. Dean awkwardly dropped his hand to the side and looked apologetically at both Anna and Castiel.

"Castiel I didn't-" Anna began to apologize but Castiel held up a hand to stop her. "No, it's okay." he said quietly, looking at Dean with a sad expression evident on his face. "How is he ever going to believe this if you can't even act comfortably around each other." Castiel sighed, running a hand through his hair. Anna nodded, though for the best part she stayed out the way. This was for Dean and Castiel to decide. She was just there puppet. Not all the time, just as a favour. It would work better if she just acted under their control anyway. Anna bit her lip and slowly slipped her hand into Dean's, looking between them as if to ask if she was doing it right. Castiel forced a small smile. It would take time but this could work. It just had to.

Anna's hand was smaller and more delicate than Castiel's, and Dean was afraid if he wasn't careful she would break. He gave her hand a little reassuring squeeze and stepped closer to her. She was about four inches shorter than him, and very pretty, and if Dean had never fell in love with Castiel he could imagine dating Anna. She was quiet, but she was also sweet and gentle once you got to know her. Dean didn't love her, though, and he only hoped he was as good an actor as Anna said he was in third grade, because otherwise this whole plan would fail. Dean looked into Anna's eyes for a lingering moment and sighed. "Anna. I know this is a lot to ask, and it's not going to be easy, but it's the only way." He tentatively took her other hand and squeezed them both gently.

Anna bit her lip, staring at their hands. She felt dirty, like she was actually cheating. She felt sick but she'd said she'd help out. She'd never forgive herself if she was the reason Dean and Castiel weren't together anymore. Castiel had never looked happier. He was bolder and much more confident. Dean had really brought him out of his shell and Castiel had put Dean back in his, showing him who he really is and not just this fake popular act. Anna squeezed Dean's hands back timidly, attempting a 'couples in love' smile. It wasn't too bad either. She just thought about how happy Dean and Castiel would be if this pulled through and the look came naturally, her features soft and kind towards Dean. Castiel raised an eyebrow at how Anna subtly changed. It looked natural and real rather than forced. "How are you doing that?" Castiel asked, hoping Anna wasn't actually in love with his boyfriend. That could spell trouble. She chuckled nervously, coming out of her little moment. "I did a bit of drama at summer camp." she said timidly.

When Anna visibly relaxed and her entire expression changed just a little, Dean was surprised and he smiled back at her. This wasn't going to be hard at all. Anna's shy little smile was contagious and Dean found himself relaxing into the role as well, and he didn't look away from her eyes. It was still weird and he felt like he was acting, but it didn't feel completely unnatural to him. They kept gazing at each other until Castiel interrupted, and Dean was momentarily startled. He looked at Castiel, feeling a little guilty about Castiel's obvious discomfort with the situation. "You do drama?" He asked her in surprise. "Are you auditioning for the musical?"

Anna shook her head, "I'm always around. If something happens, if they need an additional extra or something but I don't try out." Castiel frowned, he would have asked why but he thought he could probably guess. It was the same reason as him, he was just too scared. "Are you?" Anna asked, causing Castiel to look in Dean's direction too. Auditions were at lunch today and with all the hassle with Dean's dad Castiel hadn't even asked if Dean was going to try out.

Dean's eyes widened in surprise. He'd forgotten auditions were today, and he didn't think he was prepared. "Uh.." he said, looking between the two of them worriedly, "That's today." He bit his lip nervously and shrugged. "I don't know, I actually kind of want to now but I'm not sure it would be a good idea after what happened with my dad..." He sighed tightly and let go of Anna's hands to run his fingers through his hair. "What should I do?" He groaned.

Castiel was more than happy to slide to his boyfriends side, wrapping his arms around his waist. "You're going to do what _you_ want to do. Forget about your dad, forget about Sam and forget about me. This is about you." Anna nodded behind Castiel, encouraging what Castiel was saying. Castiel kissed Dean lightly and Anna went back to her sets, giving them their space. "What do you want, love?" Castiel asked softly, playing with Dean's hair.

Dean relaxed when Castiel embraced him, and this was exactly where he belonged. He fit his arms comfortably around Cas and hummed softly into the kiss. He closed his eyes and smiled a little, then started singing Somewhere from West Side Story. The irony was almost too perfect for their current situation. _"There's a place for us. Somewhere, a place for us. Peace and quiet and open air..."_ He started swaying them slowly as he sang softly into Castiel's ear.

Castiel closed his eyes as he listened to Dean sing, smiling softly as he swayed with Dean. He was tempted to sing along but he wanted Dean to have his moment. Feel like he was on top of the world. Castiel kissed Dean's neck lightly, encouraging him to keep singing. Dean was really talented, he just hoped he had the confidence to sing when the moment came.

"_Hold my hand and we're halfway there. Hold my hand I'll take you there..." _Dean continued quietly when Castiel kissed his neck, visualizing the scene from the movie. He knew that Castiel knew all the words, and he backed away a little to look into his boyfriend's stunning blue eyes as he continued the song, entwining both of their hands together as he loosely acted the motions of the movie scene.

Castiel couldn't help but look amused and slightly taken back by what Dean was doing. The song linked perfectly with them and it should have been laughable but it was true. "_Somehow..Someday..Somewhere." _Castiel sang along softly, not able to hold back the urge any longer. He placed his hands up to cup Dean's cheek like in the movie. And just for a moment, everything was fine.

Dean's smile widened when Castiel began playing along, and he felt happier than he had in days. When the song ended, they just stared at each other for a moment, Dean trying to hold back his smirk, but then he lost it and burst out laughing, hugging Castiel. He picked him up and spun him around clumsily then set him down, laughing breathlessly before pecking him on the cheek and rubbing a hand over his hair. "That was beautiful, Maria." He teased with a grin.

Castiel laughed along with Dean, warmth spreading through his chest as all the tension in his body drained. It'd been a rough couple of days and this moment gave Castiel new hope that it would work. He was so happy, once he stopped laughing he kept a wide smile on his face. "Couldn't have done it without my Tony." Castiel quipped back, leaning against Dean in the embrace.

Dean pulled Castiel against him and rested his chin on his boyfriend's shoulder, and he saw painting the sets behind Cas. She had an amused smile on her face, and then she looked up to meet Dean's eyes. Dean blushed a little and grinned at her tentatively, and her own smile softened into something affectionate and a little sad. Dean bit his lip and tore his eyes away from her, instead hiding his face into Castiel's shoulder and breathing deeply.

Castiel breathed deeply, combing his fingers through Dean's hair absently. "I love you so much, Dean" he breathed into the other's ear. "Whatever you decide to do..I'll support you." He let go of Dean reluctantly as the bell went and Castiel started setting up his own paints next to Anna. He smiled up at Dean, taking his hand and kissing the knuckles. "Just let me know what you're doing."

Dean nodded and braced himself on Castiel's shoulder as he leaned down to kiss him. "Love you too," he murmured against Castiel's lips, and then briefly stroked his hand against Castiel's cheek before straightening up. "I'll stop by sometime before the auditions and let you guys know what I'm doing." He walked towards the door and called teasingly over his shoulder, "Don't take a paint bath this time, okay?" Dean slung his backpack over one shoulder and went to his first class.

Castiel blushed and Anna teased him with a paintbrush, ghosting it over his cheek. Castiel laughed, batting her hand away. Once Dean was gone Anna turned to Castiel, "Have you told him yet?" she asked quietly. Castiel frowned, "What..told him what?" Anna looked a bit confused herself. "You know the words, I just thought you were trying out too." She looked at him apologetically, blushing with embarrassment for jumping to conclusions. "It's okay. I'm not." he lied, surprisingly well. He wanted to keep it a secret to surprise Dean with. He didn't care if he didn't get a part. He just wanted to show Dean how much confidence he'd given him to even have the nerves to get up and try out.

Dean couldn't concentrate in any of his classes. He kept looking nervously at the clock and weighing up the pros and cons of auditioning. If he auditioned and got a part in the musical, that would be both a good thing and a bad thing. He was worried he wouldn't be able to handle the stress of it because he'd never been in a school play. Third grade didn't count. And John would probably be ashamed of Dean if he found out his son was in a musical. But the play wasn't actually until another two weeks, and there were only two weeks for rehearsal so that would mean he'd have to spend a lot of time at school, and he was worried about his dad asking questions about what he was doing with his time. But if Dean did get a role in the play, he'd most likely enjoy it a lot and get to explore a whole new side of himself that he didn't even know he had. He'd been amazed by the crowd's reaction at the talent show night, and he wanted to feel the rush of excitement again on stage.

Castiel spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon helping out with Anna. They talked more than they usually did. Mainly about Dean and the dinner of terror as they liked to call it. Castiel told her about Sam and his dad, just so she had a rough idea of who she would be meeting. He advised her as best as he could on what topics to avoid, i.e. ones that would would come up with follow up questions she couldn't answer. They also talked about Anna's dog, which was nice. Castiel felt normal. Talking to a friend about their pet, it's what people did. He hadn't even noticed when the bell went for lunch. He had paint on his cheek and he couldn't help but smile at the thought of Dean wiping it off.

Dean ran to the art room as soon as the bell rang for lunch. He was hoping he'd catch Cas and Anna before they went outside, because he didn't have much time before the auditions started. When he got into the art room, he went over to them, careful not to step on any of the art in progress. He'd made up his mind. "I'm auditioning," he blurted breathlessly, coming to a stop in front of them and panting slightly from his rush across the school.

Anna grinned, clapping her hands thrice in excitement. "That's great news, love." Castiel grinned, kissing Dean's cheek. He took his hand and practically took him down to the hall for auditions, leaving Anna to follow on behind. She didn't seem to mind. She'd finish up and meet up with them in a minute. Castiel held onto Dean's hand taking him down before he changed his mind. He ignored the odd looks they got as they walked quickly down the halls.

Dean let out a startled little yelp as Castiel practically dragged him out into the hall and forcefully moved him down the hallway to the auditorium. People looked at them in baffled amusement but Dean was too nervous and surprised to care. He glanced sideways at Cas and giggled hysterically when he saw the paint smudge on Castiel's face, and he rolled his eyes fondly. "Cas, I swear you're doing that on purpose. I don't understand how else you manage to get paint all over yourself every time." They reached the auditorium and Dean hesitated outside the door with an anxious wince.

Castiel stopped short when Dean wasn't following him into the room. "Look at me, love." he said softly, holding Dean's head in his hands. "You can do this." he said as much to himself as he did Dean. He was surprised he wasn't as nervous as Dean but Castiel was doing this more for Dean than actually getting a role and that made it that much easier. To make his boyfriend proud. He led him into the room slowly, holding his hand. The stage was being used for auditions, people waiting sat at the back and the casting director sat at the front. Castiel took Dean to the back and sat down with him.

Dean took a deep breath and followed Castiel into the auditorium, gripping his hand tightly and almost hiding behind him. They went to the back and a few people gave them interested looks, but Dean didn't make eye contact as he sat down beside them, still squeezing Castiel's hand. He turned to Cas anxiously. "I'm not even ready," he panicked. "Cas, I don't even have a song prepared! I haven't practiced at all."

Castiel squeezed Dean's hand reassuringly, "You didn't practise for the talent show either. It was all raw talent, Dean." he praised. "You put a lot of emotion into your work and that's what gives you that edge that makes you so good." He kissed Dean firmly, ignoring the students who were looking at them curiously for being here. "You're going to be great, I know it." He kissed him again before saying, "I have to go now, I'll be back in time to watch your thing, I promise." He left the room and went backstage via the other room so Dean couldn't see where he was going.

Dean blushed with the compliments from Cas and hid his head in his boyfriend's shoulder. Dean kissed him back and then watched in confusion as Cas stood up, and he didn't let go of his hand until he had to at the absolute last minute, and then Dean was left alone. He sank down in his seat and glared halfheartedly at Castiel's back as he walked away. It was not fair Cas to leave him alone like this, and he had no idea where he was going and wanted to follow, but he couldn't move. The girl a few seats down was looking at him curiously, and Dean raised his eyebrows at her challengingly and she quickly looked away. Dean felt a bit rude that he'd done that but whatever. He was too nervous. Everybody was going to be evaluating his audition and he didn't have the slightest clue what the result could be. He sat there silently and watched as the first person walked onto the stage and waited for the casting director to get organized.

Castiel waited nervously back stage as one of the first years started off. He'd managed to book it so Castiel went as soon as possible. He wanted to show Dean if Castiel could do it then Dean sure could. He wanted to show Dean how much he had changed his life. How much energy, confidence he'd given him. He had Dean to thank and he wanted to show him what he could accomplish because of him. Two weeks ago he wouldn't have even dared step foot on the stage and now he was getting prepared to dance and sing on it. It was ridiculous but he need to do it. To prove to him and to Dean just how much they could accomplish with each other. He took off his art hoodie and was hooked up with a little radio microphone, strapped to his cheek. Usually you just sung into an ordinary microphone but they had some radio mics for when performers needed their hands free. Once the girl was finished Castiel was pushed out on stage. He stood awkwardly in the centre of the stage and rubbed at his scar self-conscious. "Uh, hello." he squeaked, his voice echoing through the room. "My name is C-Castiel and I'm .." _here to prove to my boyfriend anything is possible. _"to try out for the musical."

Dean watched the girl finish her song without really paying attention. His leg was bouncing nervously up and down and he kept cracking his knuckles. But when the girl was done, Dean blinked in confusion as Castiel walked out on stage, and he squinted just be absolutely sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. But it was definitely Cas, and Dean just gaped at him in shock, his jaw practically dropping to the floor. He couldn't believe Castiel had decided to audition without even telling him. He looked nervous as hell, and Dean leaned forward in his seat and sat up a little so he wasn't slouched behind the row of seats ahead. Dean bit his lip and held his breath as he waited for Castiel to begin his audition. All eyes were on him, and the room grew silent with anticipation.

Castiel took a deep breath sliding his suddenly sweaty hands down his sides, causing his fitted t-shirt to stick like a second skin. He went and sat on the large podium set up on the edge of the stage and closed his eyes. You can do this, he told himself. Do it for Dean. "_When you're a Jet, You're a Jet all the way.." _he began to sing softly, as the music played him in. He bolted into stand position, popping his hands out to the side in time to the sharp beats. _"From your first cigarette to your last dyin' day." _Castiel span on his heels, swivelling his hips as he moved across the stage like he owned it as the song continued, his voice growing stronger with each note. He couldn't help but smile as he sang, dancing. His dancing was loosely based around the style but he added a little kick to show them what he could do. There was only so many times he could prance with jazz hands.."_When you're a jet, you stay a jet." _This is where there'd be a spoken bit but Castiel used it to improvise his dance moves, moving across the stage and channelling all of his aggression and love from the past two weeks into his work. His body moving in sharp twists and turns in time to the music, tapping his feet and moving his hips as he danced in a style similar to the one in the movie that he'd watched _way _too many times.

Dean was literally on the edge of his seat as the music recording started and Castiel joined in hesitantly, but as the song progressed he got really into it, dancing around the stage like he owned it. He's started out nervous, but now he looked incredibly confident, with a bright smile on his face as he accurately replicated the dance moves from the movie, but he was actually adding something to it, something that was all his own, and Dean could read the emotions in his body as clearly as if he was looking at Castiel's face. It was amazing. Not to mention how sexy he looked in that fitted tee shirt and jeans as he leapt across the stage with impressive energy. Dean was too far away to see his face properly, and he was staring with a wide, amazed smile as his boyfriend performed. And on top of the dancing, Castiel had a good voice, too. His dancing was the main draw, though. He was graceful and intense at the same time.

Castiel finished with a frantic but well controlled spin, landing, his feet slightly apart and his hands in the air as his finishing position. He panted harshly, his shoulders shaking as he took deep breaths. The song ended and the thrill of dancing died as he was left once again of the crippling fear of being on stage. He put his hands down, rubbing at the paint on his cheek that was peeling off with sweat. He cleared his throat awkwardly, shrivelling back in on himself. He didn't have Dean up here with him this time and he couldn't see him due to the lights. So he was feeling self-concious and worried he'd made a complete ass of himself for nothing. "T-Thank you for your time." he stuttered as he shuffled off the stage and rid of the microphone and picked up his hoodie, slinging it over his shoulder. He soon came back to sit with Dean, a thin layer of sweat glistening over his skin. "Hey." he smiled breathlessly.

Dean's jaw dropped as Castiel came back to sit with him. "What the hell was that?" He demanded with a shocked smile and wide eyes. "Where did that even come from?" His eyes roamed over Castiel's sweaty face and the paint that had smeared. He was breathing hard and his tee shirt had a sweat patch at the collar, which shouldn't have been as sexy as it was. Dean suddenly wanted to straddle his lap and push him back against the plush auditorium seat, but he couldn't do that. Dean grabbed him by the shirt and kissed him hard on the mouth, tasting the salt of his sweat and the sourness of the paint, but he didn't care. After a moment, he broke away and just stared at him with wide, excited eyes. Dean could hear surprised whispering from the other people around them, and everyone was looking at Cas similar to the way Dean was.

Castiel chuckled, adrenaline still pumping through his veins. He was glad Dean liked it. He had done it for him. He laced their fingers together and pressed their hands over Dean's chest. "My heart," he answered, meaning Dean. He grinned so much his cheeks began to ache. Knowing Dean was happy with that big smile on his face warmed Castiel's heart. He'd done the right thing. Good. That was good.

"Jesus, Cas. I knew you could dance, but I didn't know you could dance like _that." _The fact that Castiel's body was that lithe and graceful and strong was doing things to Dean that he didn't want to happen in school, but at least he wasn't as nervous anymore. Dean kissed him slowly and wiped the paint off his cheek with a thumb, but he actually just smeared it around even worse, and then he smiled softly and stroked a hand through Castiel's hair. It would be Dean's turn to audition soon, but he felt a little more confident. If Cas could do it, then Dean could too.

Castiel blushed as they kissed, realizing people were watching them but he didn't acknowledge them. He just kept his attention focused on Dean. He tried not to touch him too much, he was sweaty and he didn't want to ruin Dean's perfect hair by running his hand through it. He was glad to see Dean looking a lot less nervous. That had been his intention and he was feeling a little proud that he'd managed to shock even Dean with his dancing. "I don't dance like that." he insisted. "I'm more of a..sensual dancer..but I can't exactly do that in front of the whole school" he whispered teasingly into Dean's ear, sucking on the lobe. "Just you, love"

Dean barely repressed the moan that threatened to escape as Castiel's warm breath, and then his mouth, teased his ear. He shivered and tipped his head back just slightly with a small gasp as images of Castiel doing completely inappropriate things to him flooded his mind, and he blushed when he remembered where they were, and then shoved Castiel away playfully and pouted. "Not fair," he whispered. "You can't do that when we're in public. Or I won't be responsible for my actions."

Castiel chuckled, his plan was working. Dean was completely relaxed. He was keeping his boyfriend as stress-free as possible to help him through this. He kissed Dean slowly, conveying emotions of pure love and trust. He back away a little, smiling softly. "Good luck" he grinned, seeing a boy on stage who was on the list just before Dean. He'd have to go get ready and Castiel was excited to see his boyfriend on stage. After performing with him. He wanted to be able to watch him instead, see him from a different angle.

Dean sighed as nerves came back to him a little bit, and he nodded, looking at the stage. "Thanks, Cas. You were amazing." He kissed him quickly on the cheek and then stood up, trailing his fingers along Castiel's shoulders as he walked past him to get to the stage. Once he was backstage, he was handed a microphone by one of the music teachers. She smiled at him and wished him good luck, and then helped him tape the little microphone to his cheek. Dean felt a little awkward and didn't know what to do with his hands, and when it was his turn to sing he walked onto the stage, feeling jumpy and anxious. He stood in the spotlight as he waited for the director to organize herself and write down some comments about the previous audition, and then she looked up at Dean in confusion. Right, she probably didn't even know who he was. Or she did and she couldn't figure out why he was auditioning. He cleared his throat and winced a little as his voice projected loudly through the microphone. "Dean Winchester?" He said hesitantly, and the lady smiled and nodded and wrote down his name on her paper, then looked back up at him expectantly. The music started up in the background, and Dean gazed out at the audience, standing tall, and began singing. "_Maria, I've just met a girl named Maria..." _He stepped forward a bit as he sang, projecting his voice out with forced confidence, and kept his hands at his sides as he pasted an awestruck expression on his face, just like Tony did in the movie. "_Say it loud and there's music playing. Say it soft and it's almost like praying." _He carefully pronounced each word and adjusted the volume of his voice, and when he reached the edge of the stage he held his head up and stared into the back of the auditorium, straight at Castiel, and he smiled wider as he kept singing and raised a hand in front of him dramatically, as if he was reaching for something, before he moved around the stage and turned his gaze to the ground as he slowly walked backwards, and when he finished the song he was staring up at the spotlight as if Maria was up there, and his voice faded out to nothing with the music.

Castiel watched as Dean sang and he was glad he was sitting down because his legs had turned to jelly, oozing at sound of Dean's rich voice. He clasped his hands together and sat on the edge of his seat as he watched Dean belt out the notes. He was an incredible singer and it took him a while to register that this gorgeous, talented, caring guy was his. And only his. He really hoped Dean got a part in the play because the play would be a thing Dean could focus on when everything around them was putting strain on their relationship. The play could remind him that they're strong and can accomplish anything, take down anyone that gets in their way. When Dean finished the song Castiel wanted to clap but he thought it would be a bit unfair to all the people who he'd sat through and given them no encouragement. A couple girls looked from the stage to Castiel, looking worried and shocked. He overheard one of them say they hoped they got Maria because of Dean's performance..wanting to be the Maria to his Tony. Castiel laughed under his breath, a little bitterly. Jealous over a girl who didn't stand a chance with Dean but if he looked at himself, he shouldn't stand a chance with Dean either so it made him worry that someone better might just come along and take Dean from him. These thoughts occurred to him more often as the dinner of terror drew closer.

Dean nodded respectfully to the judge and hurried off the stage as he felt everyone's eyes on him, and he quickly snuck to the back of the auditorium and sank into his seat beside Cas again, shaky and dizzy. He was breathing hard and felt like he was going to throw up, and his head had started pounding again. He didn't know if it was because he was still a little sick or if it was just nerves, so he just tried to control his breathing and stared straight ahead in shock. He couldn't believe he'd just done that; it was so much more difficult than the talent show for some reason.

Castiel smiled encouragingly, seeing the ill look on Dean's face. "That was amazing, Dean." He pulled him close, kissing him passionately. "That voice should be illegal..the things it does to me.." he growled lowly into Dean's ear. He was feeling a little possessive after what that girl had said and he felt the need to protect what was his. He cupped Dean's cheek, "You were perfect. I'm so proud of you"

Dean shivered and sighed into the kiss, reaching his arm back to tangle his hand in Castiel's hair desperately. He didn't care if they were in school. He grinned breathlessly when Castiel spoke into his ear in a low growl, and he turned to look at Cas with a suggestive smile. They were basically having eye-sex now, and Dean could feel people glancing back at them frequently, talking in hushed voices. Dean caught a few words here and there and realized they were talking about Castiel's audition and his, and that they were impressed and surprised.

Castiel ran his hand tenderly through Dean's hair. "Come on, love. Let's go get some fresh air." He laced his fingers with Dean's and led him slowly out to the tree outside. He positioned them so Dean had his head in Castiel's lap and Castiel played with his hair looking down at him. Castiel was as a shaken up as Dean but he didn't matter right now. This was about Dean and he wanted to help him come back to reality after the life-altering thing he just did. He found himself and Castiel couldn't be prouder. "I love you." he uttered, kissing Dean's fingertips as he played with his hand.

Dean could only follow numbly as Castiel led him outside, and he ignored the knowing smirks a few people sent them. When they got to the tree Dean finally relaxed and closed his eyes as his head lay in Castiel's lap. "I can't believe we just did that," he murmured, leaning into the touch of Castiel's fingers shifting through his hair. Dean opened his eyes and looked up at Cas with a soft smile. "I love you too, baby." Dean traced his hand over Castiel's lips and chin lovingly. "Thank you for making me audition," he breathed. "You were stunning up there. I didn't know you were that flexible." He added with a little smirk, then trailed his hand down Castiel's chest.

Castiel smiled softly, still playing with Dean's hair absently. He blushed at the compliment but smirked as well at the hidden implication. "You should have seen yourself up there, Dean. So honest and passionate, it was incredible, you really nailed that song." Castiel said softly. "There were quite a few people in that audience who want to be your Maria." Castiel smirked a little bitterly. He dipped his head to kiss Dean's forehead because he could and he was his.

Dean laughed a little and grabbed the back of Castiel's neck to pull him down for a kiss. "What, are you jealous or something?" He teased gently, and then kissed Castiel's lips softly, sliding his tongue into Castiel's mouth. After a moment he let Castiel go and then smiled at him. "You don't need to worry, babe. I'll make sure everyone knows I'm yours."

Castiel moaned softly into the kiss before whimpering as Dean broke away. It been a few days since they were this sweet with each other, he longingly craved every moment he could get. He smiled at Dean's words, glad to hear Dean wasn't going anywhere. "Good," he grinned, kissing Dean again before moving away to look at him. "Parfait," he breathed, playing with Dean's hair.

Dean blushed a little at Castiel's intense gaze, and he turned his face into Castiel's stomach to hide his idiotic smile. This was perfect, and Dean never wanted to get up. Castiel's lap was comfortable and warm and Dean felt completely relaxed as Castiel's fingers carded through his hair. He sighed deeply and hoped they would never have to give this up, that no matter what happened with Dean's dad, they would stay together.

"You need to practise being with Anna," Castiel said reluctantly, breaking the peaceful atmosphere that hung between them but this was important. They needed to sort this out before they ran out of time. He kissed Dean to show him he wasn't going to be upset. Well, he was but it needed to be done so there wasn't much Dean could do about it. "If things don't work out..we could say she doesn't believe in sex before marriage. That could work, right? That way her hesitance will be lack of experience and stuff rather than y'know..not actually wanting to be with you." Castiel mused aloud.

Dean nodded reluctantly. "Yeah," he muttered. "That could work. My dad might be a bit confused but I can tell him that what 'Cassie' and I share is more emotional than physical, you know? Like... we're serious about each other but taking things slow." He sighed in frustration. "Cas, how long are we going to have to pretend? I don't know how long we'll be able to keep this up." Dean closed his eyes and buried his face in Castiel's stomach once more, finding one of his hands and playing with his boyfriend's fingers.

"Just the dinner," Castiel said firmly. He refused to let this go further than necessary. "Mention 'Cassie' as little as possible after, if your dad asks. You broke up and all will be resumed. Just stick to pet names when talking to me in future, okay?" Castiel knew it probably wasn't as simple as that but it was hard to tell what would happen. They had to take it one step at a time. He brought their hands up to his lips and kissed Dean's fingertips tenderly.

Dean looked up as Castiel kissed each of Dean's fingers, and when he was done Dean brought their hands down to his own lips and returned the gesture, then placed Castiel's hand over his heart and rested his own on top of it. "I hope everything works out," he said quietly. "I feel like crap for bringing Anna into this."

Castiel hummed, feeling Dean's heartbeat pound against his hand. He felt safe with the constant beat. "It's either that or come out," Castiel said bluntly. He doubted neither of them wanted to do that. Especially with who their fathers were. "It'll work," he said with confidence he didn't even know he possessed. "She understands, we'll take her out to dinner or something afterwards. Just the three of us..and maybe Sam if he wants. Seeing as he's the one that saved our asses in the first place."

Dean cringed at the idea of coming out to his dad. It would be a disaster. They'd have to keep up this act for as long as they could, but Dean had a sinking feeling that their dads wouldn't be ignorant forever. People talk, and somehow word was going to get back to their homes, and then everything would come crashing down. But for now, this was all they could do, so they had to make it work. "Yeah. We owe them big time now." He agreed softly. "I swear I'll buy them anything they want."

Castiel kissed Dean as he heard the bell go in the distance. "I have to get back to art," he complained, kissing Dean again. "I'll talk to you later?" he asked hopefully but he wasn't sure if Dean could seeing as his dad had been listening before. It might become harder for Dean to slip away to talk to him. He carefully moved Dean out of his lap to stand up and took Dean's hand to help him up, pushing him against the tree and kissing him passionately before moving away to get back to school.

Dean clutched at Castiel's shirt as they kissed before separating, and then he pulled him back in before he could walk away. "One more. I need it," he begged, cupping Castiel's face and stepping forward to press their lips together in a slow, tender kiss. They lingered for a moment, breathing the same air, and then Dean stroked his thumb across Castiel's cheek and backed away to stand beside him as they walked back into the school. He put his arm around Castiel's waist as they walked, and took his time. He had math next, and he was considering skipping it to go hang out in the art room with Castiel and Anna.

Castiel walked into school with his arm around Dean and a soft smile on his face. People were looking at them with a mixture of confusion and awe. Word spread quickly at school and they'd probably heard about their auditions. Castiel kept his head down, a little embarrassed. He'd never shown people his moves before. People just saw him as one of the art kids like Anna but now..they were looking at him like he'd just crapped gold. It was odd attention but he was glad to see Dean was getting the same attention too. A few of the girls were looking Dean's way and he felt jealousy rise up in him. When they passed his locker he guided Dean towards it, pushing him against it as he kissed him tenderly and slowly for all to see.

The attention was a little unnerving, even for Dean, but people were staring at them like they'd never seen them before, and a few girls looked like they wanted to tear their clothes off with their teeth, and Dean tightened his grip around Castiel's waist a little possessively, and he was a little surprised when his boyfriend boldly pushed him against his locker and leaned up against him, and they were kissing. Dean's arms went around Castiel's waist and held him loosely, and he closed his eyes. A group of guys walking by made some good-natured catcalls and whistles, and Dean just grinned against Castiel's lips and flipped them off without looking.

Castiel pulled away just after the heckles, blushing furiously. He dipped his head to hide his grin as he bit his lip to try and compose himself a bit. This could become a bit of a problem if girls kept looking at Dean like that. He would never take his hands off him and even in school there had to be limits. He looked back up his boyfriend, cupping his cheek. "Meet me in the parking lot after school," Castiel said, leaning in to kiss Dean a bit more gently this time before pulling away completely.

Dean couldn't stop smiling, and he slid his hands around to either side of Castiel's waist before letting go of him reluctantly. "Okay," he said, leaning forward to kiss the tip of Castiel's nose with a grin. Castiel was blushing a deep red, and it was adorable and funny at the same time. The hallways were starting to clear and the bell was about to ring, but Dean really didn't want to go to class. "I should get to math," he said with a reluctant sigh.

Castiel nodded and pushed Dean back against the locker, his leg slipping between Dean's. "I'd tell you to stay but these sets don't paint themselves and I doubt I'd get anything done with you around," he smiled, kissing Dean lazily and slowly. He pulled away with a shy smile and headed off to art before Dean could change his mind.

Dean gasped as Castiel's leg slotted between his and their bodies pressed together as Castiel kissed him again, but it was over too soon and Castiel was walking away. Dean huffed in amused frustration. "Must you leave me so unsatisfied?" He called after Castiel, extending his hand out pleadingly. He was quoting Romeo and Juliet in a dramatic Shakespearean accent, forcing himself to keep a straight face, even as he was almost exploding with laughter from his own cheesiness.

Castiel stopped dead in his tracks, did Dean just.. quote Shakespeare? He spun on his heel to see Dean grinning idiotically at him, trying to maintain his composure. Castiel did his best poker face, which was hard to do with the way Dean was looking at him. "What satisfaction canst thou have tonight?" Castiel asked, doing his best impression of Juliet. His voice soft and fair as he tilted his he tilted his head up and posing like the Shakespearean actors do.

Dean bit his lip and tried not to smile too much, but it was a lost cause. His eyes widened as Castiel quoted right back at him, and he racked his mind for the next line. Dean's English class had done the reading of the play about a month ago and he was Romeo at this part, so he kind of remembered. He took a step forward and tried to be dramatic as he said, "Uh.. The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine." And he couldn't help but smirk, because he knew what _that _meant, at least. Dean was glad the hallways were empty, because right now they looked like a pair of weirdos.

Castiel let out a small sound that was his strangled laughter but he kept himself together as he held his head high and pressed on. "I gave thee mine before thou didst request it, And yet I would it were to give again.," Castiel said without missing a beat and meant every word. He would give Dean everything, hell, he _had _given everything to Dean and he wished he could take it back just to show him all over again. He couldn't help but crack a smile, giggling as he realized how odd they must look.

Dean stared at Castiel in confusion as he tried to remember the next line, but he couldn't. So he just shrugged and said, "Ah, fuck it." and stepped forward to grab Castiel's shirt and pull him in for a firm kiss. The bell had rung a few minutes ago, and they were completely alone in the hallway, and Dean didn't care. "I love you," he said with a breathless smile.

Castiel fell into full on laughter as Dean struggled to keep the ball rolling. He melted into the kiss, clutching at Dean's hair. "I love you too," he smiled softly, rubbing a thumb over Dean's cheek. He parted away because the temptation to skip class was becoming a bit of a problem. If they skipped too much class their parents would be notified and neither wanted that. He kissed Dean's nose and walked away to art, smiling at Anna as he walked sheepishly into the room.

Dean watched Cas walk away and then he turned to go to math. He took his time, since he was already late anyway, and strolled through the halls slowly with an idiotic smile on his face. When he reached his classroom, the students were paying attention to a lesson, and the teacher gave him an exasperated look but didn't comment. The kids near his desk in the back looked up at him curiously, and he blushed and ran a hand over his hair in an attempt to smooth it down after Castiel had run his fingers through it. He knew it was probably obvious but whatever.

Anna looked up at Castiel with a smile as he walked into the room looking a little ruffled and a lot happy. "Your audition was great, Cas!" She told him excitedly, "Dean's too. I stayed behind in the auditorium after you two were done to see what you're up against,"

Castiel blushed, dipping his head down to hide his smile. He came and sat with Anna and helped her paint. "I'm not up against anything," Castiel pointed out. "I only did it to help Dean out. He's the one who needs the part." Castiel picked up a brush and ignored the looks the other students were giving him, close to the ones the girls were giving him in the hallway but he tried to ignore it.

Anna noticed girls looking at Castiel with interest, and she placed a hand on his arm reassuringly. "Stop it," she scolded him gently, "You're really talented. The other dancing auditions were good but yours was by far the best," she said shyly. "You could get a role, Cas. You really could. They're posting the results tomorrow." She picked up her paintbrush and leaned forward to add in some more details to the brick wall she was painting. She couldn't wait to see the finished sets up on stage, hopefully with Cas and Dean acting in front of them. The thought made her smile.

Castiel blinked at her, not expecting such a response. He didn't know what to say. He honestly hadn't even thought about actually making it into the play. What if he did and Dean didn't? It was highly unlikely but the thought upset Castiel. The point was for Dean to be in the play, feel alive and discover a new side to himself that Castiel could see but just needed help showing it to Dean himself. Then again, if he did get a part. He could spend more time with Dean, they had an excuse to get away and see each other. They'd still have work to do but it would be better than not seeing each other at all. Suddenly he was really nervous about tomorrow.

When Castiel didn't say anything, Anna stopped painting and looked up at him. Castiel was wide-eyed and nervous, and Anna gave him a small smile and said softly, "Honestly, I think you're both going to get in. With Dean's voice and your dancing, it would be a mistake if you _didn't_ get in." Anna could see the worry in his face and she realized that this was something completely new for Castiel, but she really believed in him. It would be the perfect opportunity for Castiel to express himself.

Castiel smiled slightly, "Thanks." He doubted Anna would let him get away with doubting himself so he just thanked her and let the subject drop. He continued painting for the good hour and was proud when he hadn't got any paint on himself. He stood up and stretched, rubbing his cheek in the process and froze. "Dammit" he muttered but smiled, Dean was going to have a field day when he saw him. He got his jacket and headed off to his motorcycle, helmet under his arm.

The rest of Dean's day went by in a blur. People kept asking him about the musical and congratulating him on his audition with enthusiastic surprise. He still couldn't really believe he'd auditioned, and he also couldn't believe word had gotten around so fast. He was flustered by the time he made it out to the parking lot at the end of the day and met Cas by his motorcycle. He smirked when he saw Cas got paint on himself again, and then pulled a tissue out of his backpack pocket and wiped it off, rolling his eyes fondly. "Why aren't you this messy with something like chocolate sauce or whipped cream? I can't exactly lick this paint off of you, or I might get poisoned."

Castiel chuckled and blushed a little, "Well the only time I've had chocolate sauce with you around was at the restaurant and I doubt it would have been polite to demand you lick my face in public." He put his helmet on the motorcycle and wrapped his arms around Dean, kissing him passionately. "Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast. Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest." Castiel spoke in his best English accent as he quoted Romeo and Juliet, having mimicking his mother's accent as he was growing up. His voice a lot softer and sweeter that he almost shocked himself but grinned as he kissed Dean's hand and got on his motorcycle, putting on his helmet.

(Translation just so you don't have to look it up: I hope you sleep peacefully. I wish I were Sleep and Peace, so I could spend the night with you. )

Dean looked at Cas with a shy smile as he spoke with a dramatic English accent that sounded very natural, and then he realized it was probably because of Castiel's mom's accent. He blushed under the tenderness of Castiel's words and his voice, and then Castiel kissed his hand like a prince, and Dean smiled widely. "I'll buy some chocolate sauce sometime, and we can go someplace we can be alone," he said suggestively. "And whipped cream and maybe some cherries... sounds like a delicious, sticky mess." He stepped back a little and looked at Castiel on the motorcycle, because he looked incredibly hot.

Castiel chuckled, dipping his head to hide his smile. "I'll look forward to it," Castiel smiled teasingly, back in his own accent. He started the engine. He gave Dean a cheeky wink and rode off back home. He couldn't stop smiling all the way home and when finally got to his bedroom he picked up Amber and squeezed her, smiling giddily and spinning on the spot. He felt hopelessly in love and he thought he'd never be able to stop smiling.

Dean had gotten into his car and was just about to drive off when Sam came running across the parking lot, gesturing wildly, and Dean put the car in park and rolled down the window in concern. "What's wrong, Sammy?" He asked, and Sam shook his head and got into the car. "What's going on with you and Cas?" Dean quickly explained the whole plan to his brother and Sam visibly relaxed, but he still looked worried. Dean smiled a little and punched Sam in the shoulder. "Relax, Sam. Everything's going to be fine." He said to convince himself as well as his brother. Dean began driving away from the school to go back to their house. There were a few minutes of silence before Sam turned to Dean and said, "So. You and Cas auditioned for the musical?" Dean blushed a little and nodded, not taking his eyes off the road. "Because people have been coming up to me all day and telling me how awesome my brother is," he said with a little disbelieving snort, and Dean glared at him. "I am awesome," he retorted.


	14. Chapter 14

Dean couldn't concentrate in any of his classes. He kept looking nervously at the clock and weighing up the pros and cons of auditioning. If he auditioned and got a part in the musical, that would be both a good thing and a bad thing. He was worried he wouldn't be able to handle the stress of it because he'd never been in a school play. Third grade didn't count. And John would probably be ashamed of Dean if he found out his son was in a musical. But the play wasn't actually until another two weeks, and there were only two weeks for rehearsal so that would mean he'd have to spend a lot of time at school, and he was worried about his dad asking questions about what he was doing with his time. But if Dean did get a role in the play, he'd most likely enjoy it a lot and get to explore a whole new side of himself that he didn't even know he had. He'd been amazed by the crowd's reaction at the talent show night, and he wanted to feel the rush of excitement again on stage.

Castiel spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon helping out with Anna. They talked more than they usually did. Mainly about Dean and the dinner of terror as they liked to call it. Castiel told her about Sam and his dad, just so she had a rough idea of who she would be meeting. He advised her as best as he could on what topics to avoid, i.e. ones that would would come up with follow up questions she couldn't answer. They also talked about Anna's dog, which was nice. Castiel felt normal. Talking to a friend about their pet, it's what people did. He hadn't even noticed when the bell went for lunch. He had paint on his cheek and he couldn't help but smile at the thought of Dean wiping it off.

Dean ran to the art room as soon as the bell rang for lunch. He was hoping he'd catch Cas and Anna before they went outside, because he didn't have much time before the auditions started. When he got into the art room, he went over to them, careful not to step on any of the art in progress. He'd made up his mind. "I'm auditioning," he blurted breathlessly, coming to a stop in front of them and panting slightly from his rush across the school.

Anna grinned, clapping her hands thrice in excitement. "That's great news, love." Castiel grinned, kissing Dean's cheek. He took his hand and practically took him down to the hall for auditions, leaving Anna to follow on behind. She didn't seem to mind. She'd finish up and meet up with them in a minute. Castiel held onto Dean's hand taking him down before he changed his mind. He ignored the odd looks they got as they walked quickly down the halls.

Dean let out a startled little yelp as Castiel practically dragged him out into the hall and forcefully moved him down the hallway to the auditorium. People looked at them in baffled amusement but Dean was too nervous and surprised to care. He glanced sideways at Cas and giggled hysterically when he saw the paint smudge on Castiel's face, and he rolled his eyes fondly. "Cas, I swear you're doing that on purpose. I don't understand how else you manage to get paint all over yourself every time." They reached the auditorium and Dean hesitated outside the door with an anxious wince.

Castiel stopped short when Dean wasn't following him into the room. "Look at me, love." he said softly, holding Dean's head in his hands. "You can do this." he said as much to himself as he did Dean. He was surprised he wasn't as nervous as Dean but Castiel was doing this more for Dean than actually getting a role and that made it that much easier. To make his boyfriend proud. He led him into the room slowly, holding his hand. The stage was being used for auditions, people waiting sat at the back and the casting director sat at the front. Castiel took Dean to the back and sat down with him.

Dean took a deep breath and followed Castiel into the auditorium, gripping his hand tightly and almost hiding behind him. They went to the back and a few people gave them interested looks, but Dean didn't make eye contact as he sat down beside them, still squeezing Castiel's hand. He turned to Cas anxiously. "I'm not even ready," he panicked. "Cas, I don't even have a song prepared! I haven't practiced at all."

Castiel squeezed Dean's hand reassuringly, "You didn't practise for the talent show either. It was all raw talent, Dean." he praised. "You put a lot of emotion into your work and that's what gives you that edge that makes you so good." He kissed Dean firmly, ignoring the students who were looking at them curiously for being here. "You're going to be great, I know it." He kissed him again before saying, "I have to go now, I'll be back in time to watch your thing, I promise." He left the room and went backstage via the other room so Dean couldn't see where he was going.

Dean blushed with the compliments from Cas and hid his head in his boyfriend's shoulder. Dean kissed him back and then watched in confusion as Cas stood up, and he didn't let go of his hand until he had to at the absolute last minute, and then Dean was left alone. He sank down in his seat and glared halfheartedly at Castiel's back as he walked away. It was not fair Cas to leave him alone like this, and he had no idea where he was going and wanted to follow, but he couldn't move. The girl a few seats down was looking at him curiously, and Dean raised his eyebrows at her challengingly and she quickly looked away. Dean felt a bit rude that he'd done that but whatever. He was too nervous. Everybody was going to be evaluating his audition and he didn't have the slightest clue what the result could be. He sat there silently and watched as the first person walked onto the stage and waited for the casting director to get organized.

Castiel waited nervously back stage as one of the first years started off. He'd managed to book it so Castiel went as soon as possible. He wanted to show Dean if Castiel could do it then Dean sure could. He wanted to show Dean how much he had changed his life. How much energy, confidence he'd given him. He had Dean to thank and he wanted to show him what he could accomplish because of him. Two weeks ago he wouldn't have even dared step foot on the stage and now he was getting prepared to dance and sing on it. It was ridiculous but he need to do it. To prove to him and to Dean just how much they could accomplish with each other. He took off his art hoodie and was hooked up with a little radio microphone, strapped to his cheek. Usually you just sung into an ordinary microphone but they had some radio mics for when performers needed their hands free. Once the girl was finished Castiel was pushed out on stage. He stood awkwardly in the centre of the stage and rubbed at his scar self-conscious. "Uh, hello." he squeaked, his voice echoing through the room. "My name is C-Castiel and I'm .." _here to prove to my boyfriend anything is possible. _"to try out for the musical."

Dean watched the girl finish her song without really paying attention. His leg was bouncing nervously up and down and he kept cracking his knuckles. But when the girl was done, Dean blinked in confusion as Castiel walked out on stage, and he squinted just be absolutely sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. But it was definitely Cas, and Dean just gaped at him in shock, his jaw practically dropping to the floor. He couldn't believe Castiel had decided to audition without even telling him. He looked nervous as hell, and Dean leaned forward in his seat and sat up a little so he wasn't slouched behind the row of seats ahead. Dean bit his lip and held his breath as he waited for Castiel to begin his audition. All eyes were on him, and the room grew silent with anticipation.

Castiel took a deep breath sliding his suddenly sweaty hands down his sides, causing his fitted t-shirt to stick like a second skin. He went and sat on the large podium set up on the edge of the stage and closed his eyes. You can do this, he told himself. Do it for Dean. "_When you're a Jet, You're a Jet all the way.." _he began to sing softly, as the music played him in. He bolted into stand position, popping his hands out to the side in time to the sharp beats. _"From your first cigarette to your last dyin' day." _Castiel span on his heels, swivelling his hips as he moved across the stage like he owned it as the song continued, his voice growing stronger with each note. He couldn't help but smile as he sang, dancing. His dancing was loosely based around the style but he added a little kick to show them what he could do. There was only so many times he could prance with jazz hands.."_When you're a jet, you stay a jet." _This is where there'd be a spoken bit but Castiel used it to improvise his dance moves, moving across the stage and channelling all of his aggression and love from the past two weeks into his work. His body moving in sharp twists and turns in time to the music, tapping his feet and moving his hips as he danced in a style similar to the one in the movie that he'd watched _way _too many times.

Dean was literally on the edge of his seat as the music recording started and Castiel joined in hesitantly, but as the song progressed he got really into it, dancing around the stage like he owned it. He's started out nervous, but now he looked incredibly confident, with a bright smile on his face as he accurately replicated the dance moves from the movie, but he was actually adding something to it, something that was all his own, and Dean could read the emotions in his body as clearly as if he was looking at Castiel's face. It was amazing. Not to mention how sexy he looked in that fitted tee shirt and jeans as he leapt across the stage with impressive energy. Dean was too far away to see his face properly, and he was staring with a wide, amazed smile as his boyfriend performed. And on top of the dancing, Castiel had a good voice, too. His dancing was the main draw, though. He was graceful and intense at the same time.

Castiel finished with a frantic but well controlled spin, landing, his feet slightly apart and his hands in the air as his finishing position. He panted harshly, his shoulders shaking as he took deep breaths. The song ended and the thrill of dancing died as he was left once again of the crippling fear of being on stage. He put his hands down, rubbing at the paint on his cheek that was peeling off with sweat. He cleared his throat awkwardly, shrivelling back in on himself. He didn't have Dean up here with him this time and he couldn't see him due to the lights. So he was feeling self-concious and worried he'd made a complete ass of himself for nothing. "T-Thank you for your time." he stuttered as he shuffled off the stage and rid of the microphone and picked up his hoodie, slinging it over his shoulder. He soon came back to sit with Dean, a thin layer of sweat glistening over his skin. "Hey." he smiled breathlessly.

Dean's jaw dropped as Castiel came back to sit with him. "What the hell was that?" He demanded with a shocked smile and wide eyes. "Where did that even come from?" His eyes roamed over Castiel's sweaty face and the paint that had smeared. He was breathing hard and his tee shirt had a sweat patch at the collar, which shouldn't have been as sexy as it was. Dean suddenly wanted to straddle his lap and push him back against the plush auditorium seat, but he couldn't do that. Dean grabbed him by the shirt and kissed him hard on the mouth, tasting the salt of his sweat and the sourness of the paint, but he didn't care. After a moment, he broke away and just stared at him with wide, excited eyes. Dean could hear surprised whispering from the other people around them, and everyone was looking at Cas similar to the way Dean was.

Castiel chuckled, adrenaline still pumping through his veins. He was glad Dean liked it. He had done it for him. He laced their fingers together and pressed their hands over Dean's chest. "My heart," he answered, meaning Dean. He grinned so much his cheeks began to ache. Knowing Dean was happy with that big smile on his face warmed Castiel's heart. He'd done the right thing. Good. That was good.

"Jesus, Cas. I knew you could dance, but I didn't know you could dance like _that." _The fact that Castiel's body was that lithe and graceful and strong was doing things to Dean that he didn't want to happen in school, but at least he wasn't as nervous anymore. Dean kissed him slowly and wiped the paint off his cheek with a thumb, but he actually just smeared it around even worse, and then he smiled softly and stroked a hand through Castiel's hair. It would be Dean's turn to audition soon, but he felt a little more confident. If Cas could do it, then Dean could too.

Castiel blushed as they kissed, realizing people were watching them but he didn't acknowledge them. He just kept his attention focused on Dean. He tried not to touch him too much, he was sweaty and he didn't want to ruin Dean's perfect hair by running his hand through it. He was glad to see Dean looking a lot less nervous. That had been his intention and he was feeling a little proud that he'd managed to shock even Dean with his dancing. "I don't dance like that." he insisted. "I'm more of a..sensual dancer..but I can't exactly do that in front of the whole school" he whispered teasingly into Dean's ear, sucking on the lobe. "Just you, love"

Dean barely repressed the moan that threatened to escape as Castiel's warm breath, and then his mouth, teased his ear. He shivered and tipped his head back just slightly with a small gasp as images of Castiel doing completely inappropriate things to him flooded his mind, and he blushed when he remembered where they were, and then shoved Castiel away playfully and pouted. "Not fair," he whispered. "You can't do that when we're in public. Or I won't be responsible for my actions."

Castiel chuckled, his plan was working. Dean was completely relaxed. He was keeping his boyfriend as stress-free as possible to help him through this. He kissed Dean slowly, conveying emotions of pure love and trust. He back away a little, smiling softly. "Good luck" he grinned, seeing a boy on stage who was on the list just before Dean. He'd have to go get ready and Castiel was excited to see his boyfriend on stage. After performing with him. He wanted to be able to watch him instead, see him from a different angle.

Dean sighed as nerves came back to him a little bit, and he nodded, looking at the stage. "Thanks, Cas. You were amazing." He kissed him quickly on the cheek and then stood up, trailing his fingers along Castiel's shoulders as he walked past him to get to the stage. Once he was backstage, he was handed a microphone by one of the music teachers. She smiled at him and wished him good luck, and then helped him tape the little microphone to his cheek. Dean felt a little awkward and didn't know what to do with his hands, and when it was his turn to sing he walked onto the stage, feeling jumpy and anxious. He stood in the spotlight as he waited for the director to organize herself and write down some comments about the previous audition, and then she looked up at Dean in confusion. Right, she probably didn't even know who he was. Or she did and she couldn't figure out why he was auditioning. He cleared his throat and winced a little as his voice projected loudly through the microphone. "Dean Winchester?" He said hesitantly, and the lady smiled and nodded and wrote down his name on her paper, then looked back up at him expectantly. The music started up in the background, and Dean gazed out at the audience, standing tall, and began singing. "_Maria, I've just met a girl named Maria..." _He stepped forward a bit as he sang, projecting his voice out with forced confidence, and kept his hands at his sides as he pasted an awestruck expression on his face, just like Tony did in the movie. "_Say it loud and there's music playing. Say it soft and it's almost like praying." _He carefully pronounced each word and adjusted the volume of his voice, and when he reached the edge of the stage he held his head up and stared into the back of the auditorium, straight at Castiel, and he smiled wider as he kept singing and raised a hand in front of him dramatically, as if he was reaching for something, before he moved around the stage and turned his gaze to the ground as he slowly walked backwards, and when he finished the song he was staring up at the spotlight as if Maria was up there, and his voice faded out to nothing with the music.

Castiel watched as Dean sang and he was glad he was sitting down because his legs had turned to jelly, oozing at sound of Dean's rich voice. He clasped his hands together and sat on the edge of his seat as he watched Dean belt out the notes. He was an incredible singer and it took him a while to register that this gorgeous, talented, caring guy was his. And only his. He really hoped Dean got a part in the play because the play would be a thing Dean could focus on when everything around them was putting strain on their relationship. The play could remind him that they're strong and can accomplish anything, take down anyone that gets in their way. When Dean finished the song Castiel wanted to clap but he thought it would be a bit unfair to all the people who he'd sat through and given them no encouragement. A couple girls looked from the stage to Castiel, looking worried and shocked. He overheard one of them say they hoped they got Maria because of Dean's performance..wanting to be the Maria to his Tony. Castiel laughed under his breath, a little bitterly. Jealous over a girl who didn't stand a chance with Dean but if he looked at himself, he shouldn't stand a chance with Dean either so it made him worry that someone better might just come along and take Dean from him. These thoughts occurred to him more often as the dinner of terror drew closer.

Dean nodded respectfully to the judge and hurried off the stage as he felt everyone's eyes on him, and he quickly snuck to the back of the auditorium and sank into his seat beside Cas again, shaky and dizzy. He was breathing hard and felt like he was going to throw up, and his head had started pounding again. He didn't know if it was because he was still a little sick or if it was just nerves, so he just tried to control his breathing and stared straight ahead in shock. He couldn't believe he'd just done that; it was so much more difficult than the talent show for some reason.

Castiel smiled encouragingly, seeing the ill look on Dean's face. "That was amazing, Dean." He pulled him close, kissing him passionately. "That voice should be illegal..the things it does to me.." he growled lowly into Dean's ear. He was feeling a little possessive after what that girl had said and he felt the need to protect what was his. He cupped Dean's cheek, "You were perfect. I'm so proud of you"

Dean shivered and sighed into the kiss, reaching his arm back to tangle his hand in Castiel's hair desperately. He didn't care if they were in school. He grinned breathlessly when Castiel spoke into his ear in a low growl, and he turned to look at Cas with a suggestive smile. They were basically having eye-sex now, and Dean could feel people glancing back at them frequently, talking in hushed voices. Dean caught a few words here and there and realized they were talking about Castiel's audition and his, and that they were impressed and surprised.

Castiel ran his hand tenderly through Dean's hair. "Come on, love. Let's go get some fresh air." He laced his fingers with Dean's and led him slowly out to the tree outside. He positioned them so Dean had his head in Castiel's lap and Castiel played with his hair looking down at him. Castiel was as a shaken up as Dean but he didn't matter right now. This was about Dean and he wanted to help him come back to reality after the life-altering thing he just did. He found himself and Castiel couldn't be prouder. "I love you." he uttered, kissing Dean's fingertips as he played with his hand.

Dean could only follow numbly as Castiel led him outside, and he ignored the knowing smirks a few people sent them. When they got to the tree Dean finally relaxed and closed his eyes as his head lay in Castiel's lap. "I can't believe we just did that," he murmured, leaning into the touch of Castiel's fingers shifting through his hair. Dean opened his eyes and looked up at Cas with a soft smile. "I love you too, baby." Dean traced his hand over Castiel's lips and chin lovingly. "Thank you for making me audition," he breathed. "You were stunning up there. I didn't know you were that flexible." He added with a little smirk, then trailed his hand down Castiel's chest.

Castiel smiled softly, still playing with Dean's hair absently. He blushed at the compliment but smirked as well at the hidden implication. "You should have seen yourself up there, Dean. So honest and passionate, it was incredible, you really nailed that song." Castiel said softly. "There were quite a few people in that audience who want to be your Maria." Castiel smirked a little bitterly. He dipped his head to kiss Dean's forehead because he could and he was his.

Dean laughed a little and grabbed the back of Castiel's neck to pull him down for a kiss. "What, are you jealous or something?" He teased gently, and then kissed Castiel's lips softly, sliding his tongue into Castiel's mouth. After a moment he let Castiel go and then smiled at him. "You don't need to worry, babe. I'll make sure everyone knows I'm yours."

Castiel moaned softly into the kiss before whimpering as Dean broke away. It been a few days since they were this sweet with each other, he longingly craved every moment he could get. He smiled at Dean's words, glad to hear Dean wasn't going anywhere. "Good," he grinned, kissing Dean again before moving away to look at him. "Parfait," he breathed, playing with Dean's hair.

Dean blushed a little at Castiel's intense gaze, and he turned his face into Castiel's stomach to hide his idiotic smile. This was perfect, and Dean never wanted to get up. Castiel's lap was comfortable and warm and Dean felt completely relaxed as Castiel's fingers carded through his hair. He sighed deeply and hoped they would never have to give this up, that no matter what happened with Dean's dad, they would stay together.

"You need to practise being with Anna," Castiel said reluctantly, breaking the peaceful atmosphere that hung between them but this was important. They needed to sort this out before they ran out of time. He kissed Dean to show him he wasn't going to be upset. Well, he was but it needed to be done so there wasn't much Dean could do about it. "If things don't work out..we could say she doesn't believe in sex before marriage. That could work, right? That way her hesitance will be lack of experience and stuff rather than y'know..not actually wanting to be with you." Castiel mused aloud.

Dean nodded reluctantly. "Yeah," he muttered. "That could work. My dad might be a bit confused but I can tell him that what 'Cassie' and I share is more emotional than physical, you know? Like... we're serious about each other but taking things slow." He sighed in frustration. "Cas, how long are we going to have to pretend? I don't know how long we'll be able to keep this up." Dean closed his eyes and buried his face in Castiel's stomach once more, finding one of his hands and playing with his boyfriend's fingers.

"Just the dinner," Castiel said firmly. He refused to let this go further than necessary. "Mention 'Cassie' as little as possible after, if your dad asks. You broke up and all will be resumed. Just stick to pet names when talking to me in future, okay?" Castiel knew it probably wasn't as simple as that but it was hard to tell what would happen. They had to take it one step at a time. He brought their hands up to his lips and kissed Dean's fingertips tenderly.

Dean looked up as Castiel kissed each of Dean's fingers, and when he was done Dean brought their hands down to his own lips and returned the gesture, then placed Castiel's hand over his heart and rested his own on top of it. "I hope everything works out," he said quietly. "I feel like crap for bringing Anna into this."

Castiel hummed, feeling Dean's heartbeat pound against his hand. He felt safe with the constant beat. "It's either that or come out," Castiel said bluntly. He doubted neither of them wanted to do that. Especially with who their fathers were. "It'll work," he said with confidence he didn't even know he possessed. "She understands, we'll take her out to dinner or something afterwards. Just the three of us..and maybe Sam if he wants. Seeing as he's the one that saved our asses in the first place."

Dean cringed at the idea of coming out to his dad. It would be a disaster. They'd have to keep up this act for as long as they could, but Dean had a sinking feeling that their dads wouldn't be ignorant forever. People talk, and somehow word was going to get back to their homes, and then everything would come crashing down. But for now, this was all they could do, so they had to make it work. "Yeah. We owe them big time now." He agreed softly. "I swear I'll buy them anything they want."

Castiel kissed Dean as he heard the bell go in the distance. "I have to get back to art," he complained, kissing Dean again. "I'll talk to you later?" he asked hopefully but he wasn't sure if Dean could seeing as his dad had been listening before. It might become harder for Dean to slip away to talk to him. He carefully moved Dean out of his lap to stand up and took Dean's hand to help him up, pushing him against the tree and kissing him passionately before moving away to get back to school.

Dean clutched at Castiel's shirt as they kissed before separating, and then he pulled him back in before he could walk away. "One more. I need it," he begged, cupping Castiel's face and stepping forward to press their lips together in a slow, tender kiss. They lingered for a moment, breathing the same air, and then Dean stroked his thumb across Castiel's cheek and backed away to stand beside him as they walked back into the school. He put his arm around Castiel's waist as they walked, and took his time. He had math next, and he was considering skipping it to go hang out in the art room with Castiel and Anna.

Castiel walked into school with his arm around Dean and a soft smile on his face. People were looking at them with a mixture of confusion and awe. Word spread quickly at school and they'd probably heard about their auditions. Castiel kept his head down, a little embarrassed. He'd never shown people his moves before. People just saw him as one of the art kids like Anna but now..they were looking at him like he'd just crapped gold. It was odd attention but he was glad to see Dean was getting the same attention too. A few of the girls were looking Dean's way and he felt jealousy rise up in him. When they passed his locker he guided Dean towards it, pushing him against it as he kissed him tenderly and slowly for all to see.

The attention was a little unnerving, even for Dean, but people were staring at them like they'd never seen them before, and a few girls looked like they wanted to tear their clothes off with their teeth, and Dean tightened his grip around Castiel's waist a little possessively, and he was a little surprised when his boyfriend boldly pushed him against his locker and leaned up against him, and they were kissing. Dean's arms went around Castiel's waist and held him loosely, and he closed his eyes. A group of guys walking by made some good-natured catcalls and whistles, and Dean just grinned against Castiel's lips and flipped them off without looking.

Castiel pulled away just after the heckles, blushing furiously. He dipped his head to hide his grin as he bit his lip to try and compose himself a bit. This could become a bit of a problem if girls kept looking at Dean like that. He would never take his hands off him and even in school there had to be limits. He looked back up his boyfriend, cupping his cheek. "Meet me in the parking lot after school," Castiel said, leaning in to kiss Dean a bit more gently this time before pulling away completely.

Dean couldn't stop smiling, and he slid his hands around to either side of Castiel's waist before letting go of him reluctantly. "Okay," he said, leaning forward to kiss the tip of Castiel's nose with a grin. Castiel was blushing a deep red, and it was adorable and funny at the same time. The hallways were starting to clear and the bell was about to ring, but Dean really didn't want to go to class. "I should get to math," he said with a reluctant sigh.

Castiel nodded and pushed Dean back against the locker, his leg slipping between Dean's. "I'd tell you to stay but these sets don't paint themselves and I doubt I'd get anything done with you around," he smiled, kissing Dean lazily and slowly. He pulled away with a shy smile and headed off to art before Dean could change his mind.

Dean gasped as Castiel's leg slotted between his and their bodies pressed together as Castiel kissed him again, but it was over too soon and Castiel was walking away. Dean huffed in amused frustration. "Must you leave me so unsatisfied?" He called after Castiel, extending his hand out pleadingly. He was quoting Romeo and Juliet in a dramatic Shakespearean accent, forcing himself to keep a straight face, even as he was almost exploding with laughter from his own cheesiness.

Castiel stopped dead in his tracks, did Dean just.. quote Shakespeare? He spun on his heel to see Dean grinning idiotically at him, trying to maintain his composure. Castiel did his best poker face, which was hard to do with the way Dean was looking at him. "What satisfaction canst thou have tonight?" Castiel asked, doing his best impression of Juliet. His voice soft and fair as he tilted his he tilted his head up and posing like the Shakespearean actors do.

Dean bit his lip and tried not to smile too much, but it was a lost cause. His eyes widened as Castiel quoted right back at him, and he racked his mind for the next line. Dean's English class had done the reading of the play about a month ago and he was Romeo at this part, so he kind of remembered. He took a step forward and tried to be dramatic as he said, "Uh.. The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine." And he couldn't help but smirk, because he knew what _that _meant, at least. Dean was glad the hallways were empty, because right now they looked like a pair of weirdos.

Castiel let out a small sound that was his strangled laughter but he kept himself together as he held his head high and pressed on. "I gave thee mine before thou didst request it, And yet I would it were to give again.," Castiel said without missing a beat and meant every word. He would give Dean everything, hell, he _had _given everything to Dean and he wished he could take it back just to show him all over again. He couldn't help but crack a smile, giggling as he realized how odd they must look.

Dean stared at Castiel in confusion as he tried to remember the next line, but he couldn't. So he just shrugged and said, "Ah, fuck it." and stepped forward to grab Castiel's shirt and pull him in for a firm kiss. The bell had rung a few minutes ago, and they were completely alone in the hallway, and Dean didn't care. "I love you," he said with a breathless smile.

Castiel fell into full on laughter as Dean struggled to keep the ball rolling. He melted into the kiss, clutching at Dean's hair. "I love you too," he smiled softly, rubbing a thumb over Dean's cheek. He parted away because the temptation to skip class was becoming a bit of a problem. If they skipped too much class their parents would be notified and neither wanted that. He kissed Dean's nose and walked away to art, smiling at Anna as he walked sheepishly into the room.

Dean watched Cas walk away and then he turned to go to math. He took his time, since he was already late anyway, and strolled through the halls slowly with an idiotic smile on his face. When he reached his classroom, the students were paying attention to a lesson, and the teacher gave him an exasperated look but didn't comment. The kids near his desk in the back looked up at him curiously, and he blushed and ran a hand over his hair in an attempt to smooth it down after Castiel had run his fingers through it. He knew it was probably obvious but whatever.

Anna looked up at Castiel with a smile as he walked into the room looking a little ruffled and a lot happy. "Your audition was great, Cas!" She told him excitedly, "Dean's too. I stayed behind in the auditorium after you two were done to see what you're up against,"

Castiel blushed, dipping his head down to hide his smile. He came and sat with Anna and helped her paint. "I'm not up against anything," Castiel pointed out. "I only did it to help Dean out. He's the one who needs the part." Castiel picked up a brush and ignored the looks the other students were giving him, close to the ones the girls were giving him in the hallway but he tried to ignore it.

Anna noticed girls looking at Castiel with interest, and she placed a hand on his arm reassuringly. "Stop it," she scolded him gently, "You're really talented. The other dancing auditions were good but yours was by far the best," she said shyly. "You could get a role, Cas. You really could. They're posting the results tomorrow." She picked up her paintbrush and leaned forward to add in some more details to the brick wall she was painting. She couldn't wait to see the finished sets up on stage, hopefully with Cas and Dean acting in front of them. The thought made her smile.

Castiel blinked at her, not expecting such a response. He didn't know what to say. He honestly hadn't even thought about actually making it into the play. What if he did and Dean didn't? It was highly unlikely but the thought upset Castiel. The point was for Dean to be in the play, feel alive and discover a new side to himself that Castiel could see but just needed help showing it to Dean himself. Then again, if he did get a part. He could spend more time with Dean, they had an excuse to get away and see each other. They'd still have work to do but it would be better than not seeing each other at all. Suddenly he was really nervous about tomorrow.

When Castiel didn't say anything, Anna stopped painting and looked up at him. Castiel was wide-eyed and nervous, and Anna gave him a small smile and said softly, "Honestly, I think you're both going to get in. With Dean's voice and your dancing, it would be a mistake if you _didn't_ get in." Anna could see the worry in his face and she realized that this was something completely new for Castiel, but she really believed in him. It would be the perfect opportunity for Castiel to express himself.

Castiel smiled slightly, "Thanks." He doubted Anna would let him get away with doubting himself so he just thanked her and let the subject drop. He continued painting for the good hour and was proud when he hadn't got any paint on himself. He stood up and stretched, rubbing his cheek in the process and froze. "Dammit" he muttered but smiled, Dean was going to have a field day when he saw him. He got his jacket and headed off to his motorcycle, helmet under his arm.

The rest of Dean's day went by in a blur. People kept asking him about the musical and congratulating him on his audition with enthusiastic surprise. He still couldn't really believe he'd auditioned, and he also couldn't believe word had gotten around so fast. He was flustered by the time he made it out to the parking lot at the end of the day and met Cas by his motorcycle. He smirked when he saw Cas got paint on himself again, and then pulled a tissue out of his backpack pocket and wiped it off, rolling his eyes fondly. "Why aren't you this messy with something like chocolate sauce or whipped cream? I can't exactly lick this paint off of you, or I might get poisoned."

Castiel chuckled and blushed a little, "Well the only time I've had chocolate sauce with you around was at the restaurant and I doubt it would have been polite to demand you lick my face in public." He put his helmet on the motorcycle and wrapped his arms around Dean, kissing him passionately. "Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast. Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest." Castiel spoke in his best English accent as he quoted Romeo and Juliet, having mimicking his mother's accent as he was growing up. His voice a lot softer and sweeter that he almost shocked himself but grinned as he kissed Dean's hand and got on his motorcycle, putting on his helmet.

(Translation just so you don't have to look it up: I hope you sleep peacefully. I wish I were Sleep and Peace, so I could spend the night with you. )

Dean looked at Cas with a shy smile as he spoke with a dramatic English accent that sounded very natural, and then he realized it was probably because of Castiel's mom's accent. He blushed under the tenderness of Castiel's words and his voice, and then Castiel kissed his hand like a prince, and Dean smiled widely. "I'll buy some chocolate sauce sometime, and we can go someplace we can be alone," he said suggestively. "And whipped cream and maybe some cherries... sounds like a delicious, sticky mess." He stepped back a little and looked at Castiel on the motorcycle, because he looked incredibly hot.

Castiel chuckled, dipping his head to hide his smile. "I'll look forward to it," Castiel smiled teasingly, back in his own accent. He started the engine. He gave Dean a cheeky wink and rode off back home. He couldn't stop smiling all the way home and when finally got to his bedroom he picked up Amber and squeezed her, smiling giddily and spinning on the spot. He felt hopelessly in love and he thought he'd never be able to stop smiling.

Dean had gotten into his car and was just about to drive off when Sam came running across the parking lot, gesturing wildly, and Dean put the car in park and rolled down the window in concern. "What's wrong, Sammy?" He asked, and Sam shook his head and got into the car. "What's going on with you and Cas?" Dean quickly explained the whole plan to his brother and Sam visibly relaxed, but he still looked worried. Dean smiled a little and punched Sam in the shoulder. "Relax, Sam. Everything's going to be fine." He said to convince himself as well as his brother. Dean began driving away from the school to go back to their house. There were a few minutes of silence before Sam turned to Dean and said, "So. You and Cas auditioned for the musical?" Dean blushed a little and nodded, not taking his eyes off the road. "Because people have been coming up to me all day and telling me how awesome my brother is," he said with a little disbelieving snort, and Dean glared at him. "I am awesome," he retorted.

Castiel peeled out of his school clothes and changed for his father's company party. It's where the CEO's and other important people at his work got together and showed off their family and everyone had dinner and 'bonded' and made the company look good. From what Castiel could tell it was just an excuse for a party. Father usually took Gabriel or Balthazar but seeing as they were both away. He was stuck with his gay son. He'd told Castiel to not embarrass him and just be polite which insulted Castiel to no ends. If anything he was always polite and he should be the one who was embarrassed because he had a homophob for a father. His mother gave him a reassuring smile and patted him on the back as they got into the car. Castiel fiddled with his tie and text Dean. 'Do me a favour and have fun for the both of us tonight'

When Dean got home, he sat at the kitchen table with a bowl of soup and some toast, still feeling a little bit sick, and began his homework. Sam was doing his homework in his room, and John hadn't gotten home yet, much to Dean's relief. When his phone vibrated, he read the message in slightly confusion and then replied, "ok... why? something wrong?"

'A little, I have to attend my father's company party. As a guy who is really into sports and girls.' Castiel text back with a sigh which caused his father to look back at him. "Problem, Castiel?" he said in an agitated tone, he wasn't exactly pleased that he had to take Castiel. "No, sir." Castiel pitched back, squaring off his shoulders in habit. His mother gave him a look that said 'ignore him' through the mirror and he gave her a small smile.

Dean winced when he got Castiel's reply, and sighed as he texted him back. "that sounds miserable. :( wish u were here instead, just keep txting me if the party gets too dull". That really sucked. Dean couldn't imagine being forced to go to a huge company party and having to pretend to be interested in something that he wasn't just to impress a lot of rich corporate douchebags and their perfect kids.

'I don't want to disrupt your evening, you should be practising for the play. Anna and I both agree you're going to get a part.' Castiel texted back. They'd driven out of town to the city, where the bank tower stood above everything else. It was a little intimidating. Castiel straightened his suit as he got out the car and they went into the 'party'. His mother stayed close to him, looking as beautiful as ever in a long flowing green dress that shimmered when the light hit it just right. He piercing blue eyes resembling ones close to Castiel's and her long dark curled hair hung elegantly across her shoulders. He smiled up at her, she didn't exactly look too thrilled to be here either but she stuck by her husband. Which was something Castiel respected, despite who her husband was. "You look beautiful, mom." he smiled, trying to make her smile too. Mrs Novak gave a sweet smile and rested her hand on Castiel's shoulder as they walked into the building after Mr Novak.

Dean snorted in amusement when he got that text. "cas i dont even know if im getting a part, i dont have a script yet and idk what part i will get even if i do get in. and im bored, doing homework so please keep texting me?" Dean hit send and sighed, leaning his tired head on the table. He stood up and went to get another aspirin for his headache and then went back to his chair with his English homework spread out in front of him on the table.

(Sorry about this random party thing but the relationship you write is oh so beautiful between Dean and Sam and John so I wanted to try and give a bit of insight into Castiel's family but it's not working so I'll make this quick okay I'm sorry :D)

Castiel walked into the room with his mom to find the whole room had been cleared from desks and office furniture to be replaced with a make shift stage in the corner where a jazz band was playing. There was a buffet of food and drinks to the side of the room and a very impressive looking champagne tower, glasses stacked up in a pyramid. He hadn't been to one of these things before, his brothers always went and he could never understand why they had dressed up so fancy but now he could understand why. He looked over as his father came back with a client he worked for. Mr Novak looked at his wife with a smile, one Castiel had never seen him use before. It was cheery and loving and it gave Castiel a shiver. "Darling, this is Mr McLeod. Mr McLeod this is my wife and our son Castiel." he introduced with ease that send chills down Castiel's spine. His father had long ago declared he had no son, when Castiel was concerned so to hear the man say such a thing made him feel sick to his stomach. Nevertheless he nodded with a polite smile and shook the man's hand when it was offered. His mother seemed to also be having difficulty with digesting this information but having been to these parties more than Castiel she seemed to be used to alien charm that his father seemed to produce. She extended her hand to the man with a soft smile, "McLeod? I do believe we are from the same neck of the woods," his mother said smoothly, allowing Castiel to escape. He overheard the man chuckle and say in a similar English tone "Call me Crowley." Castiel took out his phone as he went to the food. 'You can practise singing, there's no harm in that. You WILL get a part, love. I just know it.'

(Thanks! And the insight to Castiel's family is great, I love it. Mr. Novak is a jerk and Castiel's mom is so sweet, I love them both omg. And Crowley ahahah yes! You are a very good writer. :D)

Dean yawned and picked up his phone again when Cas texted him back. He smiled softly at Castiel's surety in Dean getting a part, and he felt like he didn't deserve it. Castiel was so sweet to him. He replied, "thanks cas, i'll sing later maybe... right now i have to finish my homework. so hows the party?" He hit send and a few minutes later he heard the heavy footsteps of his brother trudging down the stairs. Sam poked Dean's forehead as he walked by and Dean absently swatted his hand away. Sam walked into the kitchen and began lazily pawing through the fridge and cupboards, and Dean rolled his eyes. "Don't you ever stop eating?" Sam made the classic bitch face at him and ignored his comment. Dean heard John's car in the driveway and he hastily put his phone in his pocket. Luckily, he had Castiel's name saved in his contacts as "Cas", so if John saw who he was texting he would assume it was "Cassie". A moment later John walked in, tired and covered in grease from the garage, and he greeted his sons absently before walking to the kitchen and grabbing a beer. Sam exchanged a glance with Dean behind their father's back, and Dean cleared his throat. "Dad," he began, "I, uh, talked to Cassie and asked her to come over for dinner Saturday night, like you said." John looked over at Dean in interest, and Dean stared back, forcing himself not to waver. "Oh?" John replied, sipping at his beer, "Is she able to come?" Dean nodded and swallowed, and John nodded in approval. "Good. I'm looking forward to meeting her."

(Haha, okay. thanks :D Oh my gosh, I love Sam and Dean's bitching..it's so good! Haha)

Castiel texted back, 'Not too bad I guess, it's just my father who's the pain in the ass. The music and food is good enough. I wish I could listen to you sing or at least have you here to dance with.' He put his phone back in his pocket and took a glass of champagne and chugged it more or less in one go. He figured he might need the confidence boost. He decided to go back to his mom, feeling a little guilty for abandoning her like that. When he got back she was laughing happily and resting her hand on Crowley's shoulder to stop herself from falling over with laughter. Castiel watched curiously, he wasn't an idiot. He knew what that looked like and quite frankly he didn't blame his mother. She hadn't looked that genuinely happy in years it just felt a bit odd to see her like this. All bubbly and flirty. He saw Crowley looking over at him and he cleared his throat looking at the floor, "Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude." His mother just smiled over at him and brought him over by draping an arm over his shoulder. "Castiel you look bloody tepid. It's a party, for Christ sakes. Go on, give us a smile." Castiel blinked at the man's blunt approach and gave a weak smile. His mom chuckled, kissing his temple. "It's alright, sweetheart he's only pulling your leg." Castiel wasn't so sure, his half smile mixed between sweet and sinister and Castiel was having trouble reading him. Crowley clicked his fingers and one of the waiters came over with a tray of drinks. He handed one to Mrs Novak and Castiel before getting his own. Castiel raised an eyebrow, slightly shocked Crowley was okay with giving him alcohol so casually. Crowley just shrugged it off, "Like I said, it's a party. Bottoms up." he said dryly, taking a chug of the drink. Castiel soon decided that the party might not be too bad after all as he chugged back the alcohol.

John wandered into the living room slowly, raising his bottle of beer to his lips and eying Dean thoughtfully. Dean stared back at him neutrally. "What kind of food does Cassie eat?" His father asked him, and Dean clenched his teeth anxiously and tried to think of an answer. "She's a vegetarian," Dean said. He didn't know if Anna actually was a vegetarian but Dean figured it would make him look more sensitive and caring if he pointed out that his girlfriend didn't want to eat meat. John raised his eyebrows in surprise and took another swig of his beer. "A girl who doesn't eat meat. Interesting." Sam made a disgusted, horrified face at Dean from over John's shoulder, and yes, Dean did understand his dad's sick innuendo. He frowned slightly at his dad in defense of his imaginary girlfriend. He knew that all his girlfriends in the past had been outgoing, flirty, and a little rebellious like him, so no wonder John was confused about the fact that his girlfriend was a vegetarian. Maybe Dean shouldn't have said that after all. It was too late now, so he had to defend Cassie. John continued speaking, "I can't imagine you dating a vegetarian, Dean." John said with a slight air of disapproval, and Dean almost burst out laughing_. Imagine if I was dating a guy. _ "What's Cassie like?" His dad asked, and Dean took a deep breath and began describing Anna. "She's about this tall, with long red hair and hazel eyes, real pretty. She's kind of shy, but really sweet and she's amazing at art." Dean had a small smile on his face and an affectionate look in his eyes as his features softened, and it wasn't hard to do as he thought of Anna as his friend and how kind she was to pose as his girlfriend. Then, Dean's phone vibrated and he blushed, taking it out of his pocket. He looked up at his Dad awkwardly and then glanced at Sam. "Sorry. It's Cassie, she's at her dad's company party right now." He said, and opened the phone. His smile was genuine as he read Castiel's message, and he quickly replied, "wish i was there to dance with you, baby. don't have too much fun without me now, ;)"

(Holy crap, okay this is getting fun :D And if you make John know who Anna is I _will _hunt you down, haha)

Castiel put his empty glass on as passing waiter's tray and pulled out his phone as it vibrated. He smiled down at the text and had to bit his lip to stop the smile becoming too obvious. His mom read over his shoulder and giggled affectionately. Too late. He blushed crimson and tried to hide but his mom kept him in place with a side hug. "It's okay, Cassie, it's sweet." she assured. "What is?" came the slightly demanding and crisp voice from beside Crowley. Castiel put away the text and kept up the main screen. "That I have Amber as my background picture on my phone" he said, adding as much embarrassment as he could when he showed his father his phone home page, Amber's nose inches from the camera and big wide eyes staring back at him. His father looked livid, his jaw clenched and he could feel his mom's grip tighten just a little in protection. Apparently in his father's eyes, owning a cat called Amber wasn't exactly what was expected of teenage boys. A dog was more suitable, supposedly. Thankfully Crowley spoke up. "Is that a Scottish Fold?" he asked curiously. Castiel could see his father deflate a little. He was pretty sure he was going to yell at him for 'screwing up' now he just looked annoyed that he didn't have an excuse to punish his 'worthless' son. "Uh, yes. How did you know that?" Castiel said, avoiding his father's hatred gaze. Crowley smirked, "Scottish descent, plus my mother owned one just like it. Beautiful creatures aren't they, Mr Novak?" Castiel's father's face changed instantly, stretching out into a charming smile that would haunt Castiel's dreams. "Stunning. Shall we dance?" Mr Novak offered to the group as a way to end this abysmal conversation. "I'm flattered but I think it's only polite you ask your beautiful wife to the first dance," Crowley smirked. Mr Novak's jaw clenched but tried to keep a neutral face at the supposed humour. He held out his hand for Mrs Novak and the two went to the dance floor together leaving Castiel in stitches next to the man who now had his deepest respects. Crowley chuckled, "Drink?" Castiel nodded and text Dean as Crowley went to get beverages. 'I'll try, might be hard to do so with this guy provoking my dad. You should see his face, it's hilarious! How's your homework coming along? x'

(I am squealing. Crowley is great, you write him so well! Shit, I love this so much. And don't worry, I'm not going to have John know who Anna is hehehe :D)

Dean was aware that John was watching him, and he blushed under the scrutiny, which luckily only helped sell his story about Cassie. Sam looked at Dean with a small knowing smile and a reassuring nod, and Dean glanced at him briefly before putting his phone back in his pocket and yawning. He looked at his homework tiredly, and decided most of it was done well enough. He started clearing it up and putting all his things in his backpack before shuffling into the living room and collapsing on the couch with a grunt followed by another yawn. "How are you feeling today, son?" John asked, and Dean could detect a small amount of hidden guilt in his voice. He hadn't even remembered Dean was sick. Dean didn't comment on it though, because he didn't want to start an unnecessary argument when things were already under enough pressure as it was. So he just shrugged. "Fine, I guess. Just a headache, I already took something for it." His phone went off again and he smiled happily at it before replying, "omg that sounds funny, what's he doing? yeah my homework's done, just hanging out. 3" Because Castiel had sent an "x", Dean decided to send a "3" in reply, which made him smile. "What are we having for dinner?" Sam asked randomly, and they both shot him a disbelieving look. Sam looked mildly hurt and he said, "What? I'm a growing boy, I need nourishment!" Dean snorted and threw a pillow at him. "I think you've had more than enough nourishment, Gigantor." Sam looked at John pleadingly. "Dad, can we order pizza?" John shrugged. "Sure, if that's what you boys want. Means I don't have to cook," he said, standing up and going upstairs to get cleaned up. "Don't spend too much money, we're on a budget here, guys." he said as he trudged slowly up the stairs.

(Ah, thank you! I'm actually hugging my pillow so much, this is awesome. I love your little bits between Sam and Dean, so funny)

Castiel put his phone back in his pocket and took the drink from Crowley when he came back, he was getting a little drunk but after the week he'd had and next weekend coming up he just thought 'fuck it'. Crowley was watching his parents dance and Castiel raised an eyebrow. "Beautiful woman, your mother," Crowley stated, eyeing her as she twirled across the dance floor in her elegant green floor length dress. Castiel felt a bit uncomfortable but the way the man said it seemed more of an innocent comment than anything else so Castiel just let it go. He took a sip of the drink when his phone buzzed. He smiled warmly at the text and Crowley raised an eyebrow beside Castiel. He'd only managed to make out the '3 and Dean' but it was enough to put two and two together. "And they say romance is dead," Crowley said dryly, indicating to how love had been condensed into a tacky symbol. Castiel jumped, not realizing Crowley was reading over his shoulder. He thought he was still watching his mom. "I, uh, Mr McLeod it's not what it seems," he tried to explain, saving his father's embarrassment and in the long haul his inevitable punishment. Crowley just slipped out his phone and showed Castiel a picture of what looked suspiciously like his Chemistry teacher, Bobby Singer, kissing Crowley. Castiel nodded, chugging the rest of his drink. He was glad to see the man didn't seem to care about Castiel's own sexuality but _that _he did not need to see. Crowley chuckled at the look on Castiel's face and finished his drink. Castiel asked Crowley to send the picture to him and sent a text Dean, 'He made a joke about my father being gay. He didn't look to happy but fuck was it worth it. Just got scarred for life [Photo attached] Never going to look at the same way ever again. Miss you so much babe! xx"

(OH MY GOD I just screamed... holy shit. I can't stop laughing and grinning, that bit with Crowley and Mr. Singer... skdjhfaksdjfhkdjshf)

When Dean heard the shower upstairs start, he made a face at Sam and huffed a sigh as he got to his feet and went into the kitchen to find the phone so he could order pizza. When he hung up after ordering one large pizza with mushrooms, pepperoni, and sausage and an order of breadsticks with it, he dug some money out of his wallet to pay for it and left it on the table before going back to the couch. His phone vibrated again right as he sat down, and his eyes widened in horror and confusion when he saw the picture Castiel had sent him. "What the fuck," he muttered, gesturing Sam over desperately without looking away from the picture. "What is it?" Sam asked with a frown and hurried over to Dean's side to lean over his shoulder and look at the screen of his phone. "Is that... no way," he breathed, taking the phone from Dean and squinting at it more closely. "That's Mr. Singer, isn't he your chemistry teacher?" Dean nodded in shock and grabbed the phone back from his brother and studied it. "Yep, that's definitely him." He read the message included with the picture, and then nodded in understanding. "Oh. Cas is at this party for his dad's company and apparently that guy made a joke about his dad being gay and then sent me this picture for some reason..." He giggled a little. "Of all the teachers in the school I never would've guessed Mr. Singer would be gay," he said, and Sam nodded earnestly in agreement. Dean shrugged. "Well, I shouldn't really talk," he said, smirking lewdly at Sam, and received a major bitch face, which was hilarious because the expression was so unintentionally funny. Sam blushed a little and plopped his ass down on the couch next to Dean with a slight pout. Dean rolled his eyes and kicked at Sam's leg before replying to the message, "kdjfhgsdkjfhkdjf OH MY FUCK" which wasn't his most eloquent statement, but he felt it was accurate so he sent it.

(I can't stop laughing.. I'm sorry I couldn't resist. By the way the text..he's supposed to be a little drunk but he's not so drunk he can't type so it's supposed to be a little in between I don't know if that came across well or not but yeah)

Castiel's parent's came back when Crowley was in the middle of telling him how he'd met Mr. Singer. It was nice to hear about someone else's relationship and feel comfortable about being able to talk about this stuff so openly and casual. Crowley was actually an alright guy and didn't pass judgement on Castiel which made Castiel relax a lot more. Until.."What are you guys talking about?" Mr Novak smiled, resting an arm on Castiel's shoulder and Castiel was pretty sure he was going to be sick. "My husband," Crowley said with the straightest fact but Castiel could see in his eyes the amusement he was getting from agitating his father. Mr Novak swallowed thickly, this was a new client and he was going to bring a lot of money to the company so he had to be nice. Which of course Crowley knew and was using it to poke the bear. "I'm sure my son doesn't want to hear about that," Mr Novak said as politely as he could, looking down at Castiel. "Do you, champ?" _Champ _The word alien and ill-fitting to Castiel and made him go rigid. Seeing as he was slightly drunk, his mind had decided it would be okay to annoy his father also, knowing there wasn't a thing he could do about it. "I don't mind," he said, the slightest of smirks brewing on his face. Mr Novak's features darkened but Castiel found himself not caring as he excused himself with a small smile and stormed off. Castiel looked at Crowley before they both burst out in a fit of laughter. Mrs Novak swatted Crowley's arm playfully. "Oh you boys are wicked," she said with a faint smile. Crowley chuckled and extended his hand to her, "Shall we?" Mrs Novak took his hand and they both went off to dance, leaving Castiel in a fit of giggles watching as Crowley swung his mom round the dance floor energetically, both smiling happily. 'Totally. I'll tell you the story tomorrow. Say HI 2 Sammy and give him a hug and tell him thanks. Do you guys know how starfish walk?"

(AHHHH Sorry I didn't notice the kind of drunk texting the first time, I was too busy laughing, omfg. This is the greatest! I love Crowley.)

Within about 15 minutes, the doorbell rang and Sam jumped off the couch and grabbed the money from the table to go get the pizza. Dean stood up much more calmly and went into the kitchen to get out some plates and glasses, and he poured them all water and set the table. They didn't do family dinners very much since Mary's death, and when they did it wasn't a big deal. Nobody sat in Mary's chair unless they had guests over, which didn't happen very often, and they almost never used the dining room except for homework, and John often brought in tools and engine parts and set them on the dining room table to clean and repair them, so they usually just ate in the kitchen or living room. Sam eagerly got out two slices of pizza and three breadsticks and set them on a plate, and Dean just rolled his eyes at his brother's bottomless pit of a stomach. John came downstairs a few minutes later in clean clothes and the three of them sat down to eat. Dean's phone vibrated again and he slid it out of his pocket and read it under the table, making a confused face at Castiel's abnormally sloppy texting and the weird question at the end, and he tried to stifle his laugh but ended up making strangled choking sound. He looked up at his dad apologetically, but John just shook his head fondly. Dean bit his lip to hide his amused smile, and he replied, "hahahhahha wtf cas? are you drunk?" He hit send and placed his phone in his lap before reaching for the pizza box in the middle of the table and grabbing himself one slice. He wasn't actually that hungry after his sickness that he was still recovering from, but he could never turn down pizza. One slice wouldn't hurt. The three of them ate in companionable silence.

(I don't know why but I had the urge to add him in somehow so yeah..)

Castiel frowned when his phone vibrated again and he looked down at the text. 'What?! NO. Don't be silly, love. xx' he text back before pocketing his phone when his mom and Crowley came back laughing. Castiel smiled warmly it was nice to see his mom happy again. it had been a while. He gave a wide grin, leaning against the wall a little bit to steady himself. Crowley mentioned something about his father not looking too happy and Castiel shrugged, "He jets at scars that never felt a wound," he quoted proudly and a little sadly. Apparently it was just one of those days for Shakespeare. Crowley looked intrigued, "Romeo and Juliet?" Castiel nodded and Crowley grinned, "Smart kid." Mrs Novak hugged her boy proudly, "Yes he is." Crowley lit a cigar and Castiel raised an eyebrow, "You probably shouldn't do that in here." Crowley laughed, smoke pouring out his mouth after taking a generous inhale. "I own the majority of this building, I'll do what I bloody well like." Castiel just shrugged, he had a point. "Listen kid, you need work for the summer you come talk to me." He handed Castiel his business card and Castiel took it appreciatively. Crowley was a nice man. It'd be good to gain some experience from someone who was clearly successful. It would be better than spending the summer with his brother Michael and he'd be closer to home too.

When the Winchesters were done eating their pizza, Dean went upstairs to get some much-needed sleep, leaving Sam and John to clean up the kitchen without even bothering to ask. He stripped out of his jeans and tee shirt and put on some flannel sleep pants and a hoodie and flopped onto his bed, groaning happily. So far, everything was going well. John seemed to buy the story about Cassie, and Anna and Sam were in on the plan. Life was good. His phone vibrated again and he answered it, laughing in amusement the message from Cas. "yeah, ok babe ;) and no, sam and i dont know how starfish walk so please enlighten me" he sent in return. He closed his eyes and laid his phone on top of his chest so he'd be able to feel it vibrate when Castiel replied. Dean took a deep breath and smiled softly, feeling reassured about the dinner. It would work out.

'wELL starfish use this syStem where the water vascular system and they use their suckeRs to stick to stuff and move about. It's like the things octopuses have, the suckers. It's pretty awesome. I used to have a pet starfish until Amber ate it. sHe doesn't liKe the competition. That's why she stAres at you, love. xxx' Castiel rambled on in a text, feeling quite talkative and in need of his boyfriend's support. He wanted to dance so badly but Dean wasn't around so he took his mom's hand and asked her to dance. She looked at Crowley as if needing permission to leave him alone but he simply nodded and went back to introducing himself to the other guests. Castiel danced with his mom happily, feeling giddy as the alcohol hit his system. "You're in a good mood," she picked up on. Castiel smiled, looking over at Crowley who was watching him mom out the corner of his eye. "Looks like we both are," he remarked seeing her face light up as she noticed Crowley too. She blushed but smiled sadly. She felt a bit guilty that it was with everyone but her husband she was having fun with. "He doesn't deserve you, mom" Castiel blurted out, shocked by his own announcement. He blamed the alcohol. "It's okay, sweetheart. I have a plan," she smiled sweetly, kissing Castiel's forehead when the song ended and left to mingle with the guests and left Castiel a little perplexed and in need of alcohol.

Dean was half asleep when Castiel texted him back, but he happily picked up his phone to read the message. Once he started reading though, he began laughing and then he couldn't stop. Dean guessed he might have gotten into the alcohol at the party. The random capitalized letters were so out of character, as was the rambling sentences and pointless information, and it made Dean laugh so hard his eyes watered, and he rolled onto his side to reply to the message, a huge grin on his face. If this was how Castiel texted when he was drunk, Dean wondered how hilarious he was in person. He hoped he didn't hurt himself or get into any kind of trouble, though, but Cas seemed to be having fun and that was the most important thing. "that's nice, cas. but it worries me a little that your cat ate it, are you saying shes gonna eat me? D:" Dean sent the message, his chest feeling tight with suppressed laughter. He could hear Sam and John downstairs in the kitchen talking faintly and putting dishes away, and Dean sighed happily, feeling more relaxed in his own home than he had in days. He lifted his phone and took a picture of himself making a ridiculous face, the one where he crossed his eyes and stuck his tongue out and basically made himself look as deformed as he could, and then he sent it to Cas.

Castiel had made it back to the alcohol, sipping at a class of champagne and avoiding the stuff Crowley had given them. It was nice but he didn't want to get _that_ drunk. He was still with respected members of his father's company and he didn't want to get his father in trouble because that meant he too would be in trouble and he most certainly didn't want that. He almost snorted his champagne when he looked at the picture of Dean. He sent one back in retaliation. He snapped a shot of him in his suit, perfect hair and champagne in hand but pulling the most cheesiest, crazed grin and crossing his eyes outward. He sent the photo to Dean along with a message, 'If she haD the wRite apatiTe, maybee. Don'T worry, love. I'll ProtecT you! xxx'

Dean had to press a fist to his mouth to stop himself from laughing too loudly as he saw the picture Cas had sent in reply. Castiel was clearly drunk, and that was proven by the champagne glass in his hand. He had to read the accompanying message a few times before it even made sense to him. "hahahh cas you are wasted! i think it's time you stepped away from the grown-up drinks, baby ;P even if you do look hot in that suit.(but your face is scaring me)" He sent in reply. This was hilarious. Dean was going to have to raid his dad's liquor supply and bring some stuff to the cabin so they could get drunk together some weekend and just have fun.

Castiel read the message and pouted, giving him an idea. He took a picture of himself with big ol' puppy eyes looking directly at the camera and pouting slightly. He sent it to Dean and chugged the rest of his drink. Shortly after his mom came over and rolled her eyes at her little drunken angel and wrapped an arm around him, helping him to walk so it wasn't obvious. Castiel leaned into her slightly, smiling widely. "Crowley's nice," Castiel commented causing his mom to smile fondly. "He is, isn't he?" she chuckled, a little drunk herself. "Just don't tell your father" Castiel nodded and they all got into the car to drove home.

Dean rolled his eyes and smiled at the admittedly adorable picture of Castiel with his big blue eyes and pouty lips. He took a picture of himself frowning sternly and pointing at the camera and sent it to Castiel. "cas we have school tomorrow, you are going to have such a huge hangover omg" He sent it with an amused grin, but he assumed Cas probably wouldn't be going to school tomorrow when he was clearly pretty drunk.

Castiel grinned in the back seat, he wished he could save Dean's cute face as his background picture but was afraid his father might see it so settled for having it on his phone. 'GorGeous, baby, Gorgeous. M gonna sleep now, nighty Night xxx' He got out the car, no having listened to a word his father said on the way home and went up to bed, striped out of his suit and into bed where Amber was waiting for his return.

Dean smiled softly when he read Castiel's last drunken message. "love u cas 3" he replied, then turned his phone to silent and put it on his nightstand. He slid under the warm covers of his bed and went to sleep with a smile on his face. He was exhausted after his sickness, the stress of what had happened with his father almost finding out, and the auditions.


	15. Chapter 15

Castiel awoke the next morning feeling completely numb, he cursed as the light stung as he opened his eyes and had to blink several times before anything became focused. He shifted his head slightly on the pillow and it felt like he'd moved the whole contents of his head. The room was spinning slightly and he cursed whatever it was Crowley had given him. He didn't usually drink. If anything it was wine at parties just for appearance sake or blocking out his father's ranting. Last night had been about both but he'd never drunk scotch before and was starting to regret it. He managed to get out of bed without falling face first on the floor and slumped into the bathroom. The warm water helped a little and he managed to change into a pair of dark jeans, leather jacket, and tight-fitting blue t-shit before padding downstairs to the heavenly smell of bacon. He walked into the kitchen to find none other than Crowley standing there, expensive black suit and a white cooking apron, making pancakes and bacon. His mother was sat at the island in the middle of the kitchen, leaning on her hand and watching Crowley cook. Castiel frowned and looked around, was he still asleep? "Good morning, sunshine," Crowley called without looking away from the counter. Mrs Novak just giggled when she saw the state of Castiel. "I'm showing Crowley around the city today and he offered to make breakfast," Mrs Novak explained seeing the bewildered look on her son's face. "Yes, I had an inkling that this morning might not be the brightest of starts and I felt part guilty for influencing it last night." Crowley drawled, being the gentleman that he was. Castiel was beginning to wonder if all Englishman were like this, then he remembered Balthazar and didn't bother asking. He came and sat by his mother and she tussled his hair, trying to fix it. Crowley slid a plate of pancakes and bacon under his nose and accompanied it with a glass of OJ and two aspirin. "The perfect hangover cure," he announced, giving Mrs Novak the same. "Thank you," Castiel managed to say without splitting his head too much. He ate gratefully, resisting the urge to moan as he took each bite. He had to admit he felt a little less groggy after that, Crowley was certainly an excellent cook. He kissed his mom's cheek and thanked Crowley again before escaping out the door only to shut it again as the light burned his eyes. As he dared to open his eyes again, Mrs Novak was standing in front of him holding out a pair of aviator glasses. He smiled and took them, putting them on as he walked out the door to his motorcycle. He turned on the engine and winced at the loud noise it made. "Shh," he crooned to the vehicle, hoping it would shut it up. Once he'd just about grown accustom to the noise, he drove off to school.

(Sorry that was so long..I couldn't resist adding Crowley in again.. I don't know why... anyway I figure he's like his mom's new best friend and 'cause he's rich I figure there could be a time he has spare tickets to like a concert or something from the company or something that he gives to Dean and Castiel? I don't know.. )

(I love it! I think it's a great idea. Also, it's nice for Cas to have someone on else on his side to help him deal with his dad. He's like an uncle now, and the fact that he's married to Bobby is perfect haha!)

Dean woke up feeling a million times better than he had when he'd gone to sleep. His headache was gone and his stomach no longer felt sick, and he was well-rested and refreshed. He took a shower and got dressed in a pair of faded jeans, a brown tee shirt with a green zipper sweatshirt over it, and an old pair of brown suede flip flops. When he got downstairs, he was glad to see John had already left and Sam was ready to go. They didn't talk much in the car, mostly because of the blaring classic rock and Dean's singing along enthusiastically, and when they got to school, Sam said excitedly, "Dean, they're posting the results for the musical today!" Dean nodded at him with a nervous, excited smile, and Sam patted him on the arm. "I hope you got in," he said warmly before getting out of the car and waving at Cas who was getting off his bike, then walked into the school. Dean began walking towards Castiel with a smirk to tease him about his drunken text messages from last night, but the words died in his throat when he saw Cas. "Holy..." he breathed, looking his boyfriend up and down appreciatively. "Damn, Cas. You should be illegal."

(Haha okay cool I'll add him a bit more often then. Glad you like it..I just love writing him :D)

Castiel got of his motorcycle and noticed Sam waving at him, he waved back, wincing slightly as the movement hurt his head. He took off his helmet and when Dean came over he couldn't help but smile. He place his finger over Dean's lips, shushing him instantly. "Inside voices, honey. I feel like my head is going to explode." he murmured, running his hand from Dean's lips, down his arm and to his hand, lacing their fingers together. He walked with Dean into the school, keeping his glasses on in fear of the sun burning his eyes out.

(Great! Do you think we should put Adam in here somehow? Because when he was the drummer for them at the concert it seemed a bit random, lol my fault, but maybe we could get him to be friends with Dean and Castiel and Anna, like maybe he's involved in the play somehow, possibly helping out with music and the orchestra for the play? Also, does Cas play the piano too? I can't remember if he did or didn't)

Dean rolled his eyes and teased in a soft voice, "We're outside, dumbass," He shivered slightly as Castiel's hand trailed down his arm and interlaced their fingers, and then they walked into the school. "Sounds like you had a pretty fun time at the party last night," Dean said, and took his hand out of Castiel's so he could casually put his thumb in the back pocket of Castiel's jeans in a slightly possessive gesture. With Cas looking the way he did today, Dean wanted to make sure everyone knew Cas was taken.

(If you want but I don't know how to write him so if you want to add him you can. Uh, I think Castiel plays the guitar and..yeah I think he does..let's just say he does haha. Also do you know what the audition list is going say because I have no idea hahah)

Castiel hummed, wrapping his arm around Dean's waist as he let go of their hands. "Crowley is a God send," Castiel commented as they walked through hallway. People looking at them but Castiel couldn't give a rat's ass. "I woke up this morning and he was in my kitchen making pancakes. Pancakes, Dean!" Castiel winced as a thought occurred to him. He looked up at Dean through his glasses, "I didn't do anything stupid, did I?" He vaguely remembered sending a photo to Dean and something about his cat but the memories were fuzzy.

(I think I can handle Adam, we can make him a kind of minor character, just someone else they hang out with occasionally in a group or something . Awesome, because piano-playing Castiel sounds very cool. And if he and Dean wanted to sing together they could do the piano or the guitar :D. Lol I don't know... How about Dean is Tony's understudy, and he gets to perform one night because probably one of the more experienced drama kids would have gotten the part, and Cas should have a dancing role because he's damn amazing, maybe the part of Bernardo or Riff? Haha I don't know ahhh. Maybe Ruby should be Maria?)

Dean gave Cas an incredulous look. "So... Mr. Singer's... husband, or whatever, was in your house cooking pancakes when you woke up?" He tried to imagine Mr. Singer with a husband, but it was too difficult to picture, even though he'd seen the photo of them kissing. He made a face and shuddered slightly. "Wow. I didn't even think he was married, and if he was I thought it'd be some crabby woman, not a pancake-cooking man." He shook his head and laughed a little. Some things just didn't make sense. It was nice to know, however, because Mr. Singer would most likely stand up for them if some problem arose. "Does Mr. Singer know Crowley was at your house?"

(Yes. Perfect. They could practise songs together with the piano and stuff.. I think Riff would be better, he's more dancing whereas I think Bernardo is a bit more of a drama students role..I don't know but I think Riff might be better...also yes Understudy Tony would be perfect! Also have Ruby as Maria would be perfect! Yes. Good.)

Castiel shrugged, "Yeah, he was visiting my mom because she's going to show him around the city." He too found it weird that Mr. Singer was married to someone like Crowley but whatever made him happy he supposed. "I don't know if he knows but he's really rich and I guess he moves around a lot for work so I doubt Mr. Singer minds much, probably used to it," Castiel held on tightly to Dean, in fear he might fall over. His head was still giving him some trouble and the other kids in the hallway weren't helping by making so much noise. "You should have seen my mom though, Dean. I haven't seen her this happy in years," he said, his voice rough with emotion. Castiel often thought his mom only stayed with his father because of her children. "Anyway, excited for lunch? They're putting up the casting list then."

(Gdfsfsdfihofi Okay yes! :D Yeah, Bernardo is also scary so Cas would probably be better at Riff anyway because of all the dancing.)

Dean took his hand away from Castiel's pocket and wrapped it securely around his waist to support him and he frowned in concern. "Baby, you're looking a little wobbly," he murmured. He was still wearing the aviators which looked sexy as hell on him, but Dean was worried. "I'm glad you and your mom had a good time, though." Dean noticed the little waver in Castiel's voice when he mentioned his mom, but didn't comment on it as Castiel changed the subject, and nerves fluttered in his stomach. "Nngh," he groaned anxiously, "Do you think we got in?"

"I think you got in," Castiel grinned, booping Dean's nose affectionately with the tip of his finger. "Don't worry about it, love. I'm positive you got in." Castiel leant into Dean a bit as they walked, feeling the heat spread from Dean's body against his own. "I've got art all day, could you give this to Mr. Singer for me?" he asked, taking out his chemistry work that he'd managed to catch up on seeing as he'd been missing lessons to help out with the sets. Not that Mr. Singer would care anyway. As long as he passed he didn't seem to mind.

Dean blushed a little and then replied, "You definitely got in, with your moves. I'm sure of it." Dean smiled softly when Castiel leaned into his side and he pressed a little kiss to Castiel's temple as he took the papers from him. "Sure." He wondered how much Mr. Singer knew about them, because Dean was pretty sure Mr. Singer knew his dad. But there was no reason to worry, hopefully Mr. Singer understood how his dad felt about homosexuals and Dean didn't think he'd mention it to John. Dean and Cas continued walking until they reached the art room, and Dean turned him around so they were facing each other and then kissed him gently on the lips. "They're posting the results in the music room," he said, and grinned nervously. "See you there at lunch?"

Castiel pushed the glasses up his nose and gave Dean a warm grin. He nodded in agreement and kissed Dean for as long as possible, ignoring how much it hurt his head. He gave a lazy smile and walked into the art room, nodding at Anna who gave him a curious look but that was to be expected. He was hungover, it wasn't exactly a regular occurrence. He took off his leather jacket and came and sat with her again, lying on the floor and making no attempt to start work. He could easily just sleep until lunch if he wanted to put Anna poked him with her paintbrush and he sighed and shifted on his side to reach for a brush and set to work.

Dean went into Chemistry a little nervously, and he found it difficult to look Mr. Singer in the eye when he handed Castiel's papers over to the teacher. "Uh, these are Castiel's... he's been painting the sets, that's why he's out of class..." Dean said awkwardly. Mr. Singer took them from him and flipped through them, nodding absently before looking back up at Dean and pinning him with a stare. "I've had both of you boys in my class the entire year, and I ain't ever seen Castiel look so goddamn happy until a few weeks ago. I know it's none of my business and I can't even begin to understand it, but whatever you two are doing, keep doin' it." He paused and scratched his beard, and Dean bit his lip and blushed. "I worried about that kid, you know how it is. Gets picked on all the time. But not as much anymore, I noticed. Like I said, not my business but it clearly has something to do with you." Dean nodded uncomfortably, his face bright red. Mr. Singer was talking in a low enough voice that the other students couldn't hear, but they looked mildly curious. Bobby chuckled knowingly at Dean and then made shooing gestures with his hands. "Go sit down, idjit," he said with a warm smile, "Tell your dad I said hello," Dean retreated gratefully to his desk and sank down in the chair, busying himself with his backpack. If Mr. Singer knew his dad that probably meant he didn't know Mr. Singer was gay.

(Ah, your Bobby's coooool :D)

Castiel painted with his glasses still on. He'd tried taking them off but the florescent bulb was too artificial and bright and made his head throb. Anna gave her assurances that they'd both got into the play and Castiel smiled, not really in the mood to be modest or argue with her so just took the compliment for once and they painted in comfortable silence. Time seemed to pass by slowly but eventually they'd finished the first scene sets a little before lunch. Castiel decided he'd go back to class with nothing better to do until the sets dried and they had floor space for the next lot. He also wanted an excuse to see Dean. So he slipped back into class, of course, that proved difficult when you were wearing aviator glass and a leather jacket indoors, still working off a hangover and had paint smeared across your cheek -again- but he just about managed with only a few looks glanced his way.

Dean looked up in surprise as Castiel walked into the class, still wearing his sunglasses and leather jacket. Dean turned to him and raised his eyebrows questioningly. His hair looked perfectly messy and there was paint on his face yet _again. _Dean had no idea how that even happened.

(Thanks! :3 Wait.. are they still in chemistry? I don't know how much time has passed haha)

(Uh, either that or French I don't know..haha. Like it could be they had Chemistry and then English or something and then Chemistry again. I don't know. There's just only so many times I can write about him painting sets, y'know?)

Castiel shrugged, sitting down next to Dean and helping him with his experiment. "Paint fumes aren't helping my head," he explained quietly, stopping Dean from pouring in too much acid that would evidently eat a hole through the desk. He gave him a look of amusement and booped his nose again making a high pitched _boop _ sound.

(Haha okay. And their class schedules make absolutely no sense but whatever, that part's not important :D)

Dean was so distracted by Castiel's entrance that he had forgotten he was handling dangerous chemicals until Cas took the beaker of acid away from him. Dean smiled sheepishly. He blushed when Cas booped his nose, and realized this was the first time they'd both been in Mr. Singer's class since they'd came out. Dean glanced over at Mr. Singer, who was watching them curiously from his desk while grading papers, and Dean blushed and moved a little closer to Cas so he could whisper, "Mr. Singer knows about us, he talked to me a little when I gave him your stuff. It was really awkward," he said with a little giggle as he leaned his forehead against the side of Castiel's head just above his ear. "How's the hangover?" He asked gently.

(Eh, doesn't matter :D)

Castiel blushed, he'd assumed Mr Singer would find out eventually. He'd met his husband after all and it wasn't surprising if they talked about that kinda stuff. So Castiel just shrugged when he glanced over at Mr Singer who was watching them. He looked over at Dean with a small smile, pouring a neutralizing solution into the mixture. "It's okay, definitely not drinking scotch again in a hurry," Castiel muttered with a slight giggle. He knew people were looking at them but he didn't care. He was happy to sit with his boyfriend and make sure he didn't blow them up. He handed Dean a beaker and told him to put it into the mixture.

Dean took the beaker from Castiel and absently poured the contents into the larger beaker, not really sure what he was doing. He placed the empty beaker on the table and then turned back to Cas. "I love those glasses on you, but aren't you ever going to take them off? I miss your eyes," He said with a slight pout, and then wrapped his arm around Castiel's neck to pull him in for a quick kiss on the cheek. A few girls giggled when he did that, and but Dean ignored them and looked pleadingly at Castiel, but all he could see was his own reflection.

Castiel sighed, and carefully took off the glasses. He groaned softly as the light caused him to close his eyes as his head began to throb. "I think I have a picture of you pouting like that on my phone, I don't remember why," Castiel commented as he blinked carefully and winced as he adjusted to the light. "I also still have Mr Singer and Crowley on my phone," he grimaced, remembering the disturbing image. He looked over at Dean, smiling softly.

Dean laughed and bumped Castiel's shoulder with his own. This was a lot like what they'd been doing on the day they first met, and Dean couldn't believe it was only a few weeks ago. "You look like crap," he said when he saw Castiel's tired, bloodshot eyes. "But I love you anyway." He pulled out his phone and showed Castiel the picture that he'd sent from the party. "Obviously because you were drunk. You started talking about cats eating starfish and walking suckers and stuff. It was hilarious."

Castiel scowled at the disastrous picture of himself and put his glasses back on, refusing to lower himself to this. He looked awful, at least the glasses made him look good with the leather jacket. "Amber ate her and left a leg on my pillow for good measure," Castiel argued, that it was indeed _not _hilarious. He poured the rest of the chemicals together so they blended and made a nice purple colour.

Dean made a horrified face at that information. "Gross, dude! I really didn't need to know that." He rested his elbows on the table and leaned forward to watch as Castiel poured chemicals and somehow created a purple liquid. Dean kind of knew what had happened in the reaction but he wasn't particularly interested. "That's too bad, starfish are pretty cool."

Castiel chuckled, happily getting his revenge for Dean mocking him. He wrapped his arm around Dean's waist, his hand resting on Dean's thigh. Castiel nodded in agreement and sighed, feeling relaxed and content with Dean by his side. He went rigid when the bell went, signifying lunch. He swallowed thickly and grinned nervously at Dean. "Ready, love?" he whispered.

Dean's breath caught in his throat as the bell rang, and he nodded silently, not trusting his voice. His heart was pounding with anticipation, and the fact that Castiel had stiffened against him wasn't helping his nerves any. He quickly began cleaning up their lab station and when everything was done he grabbed Castiel's hand and ran out of the room, practically dragging him through the halls to the music room.

Castiel noted the way shook his head amusingly as Dean pulled him out the room. Castiel chuckled, struggling to keep up with Dean due to his sluggish movements. "Dean," he giggled, pulling him back a little as they got to the music room. "Slow down would you?" He squeezed his hand and entered the room with him which was already full of people. Some of whom where looking at them in surprise, already seeing what parts they were playing.

People were talking excitedly and crowding around the list posted on the wall, and Dean looked around the room with wide eyes, not letting go of Castiel's hand. Dean looked back at Castiel and pushed his way to the front of the crowd, dragging Castiel along with him, and then stared at the list breathlessly. Dean's mouth dropped open in amazement and he turned to Cas happily. "Cas, I'm Tony's understudy and you're Riff! Holy crap!" He pulled Castiel close in a hug and picked him up a little, much to the amusement of the people crowding around the list.

Castiel didn't say anything. He was in too stunned to say anything. All he could do was hold Dean back and try to process how he'd managed to get a reasonably big part. He couldn't understand it but he ignored it for now and focused on Dean. That was the whole point in this anyway. "I'm so proud of you, Dean," he murmured against the other's skin as he kissed at his jaw. One of the drama kids had gotten the role of Tony which made sense, they deserved it with months of hard work but Dean had managed to get the spot just from raw talent and Castiel was so happy for him. He kissed him briefly, ignoring the excited murmurs he heard around them. He stepped outside and out to the tree so he could hear himself think.

People were patting Dean on the back and congratulating him, and it was a little overwhelming. He smiled and excused himself to go follow Cas. He felt kind of numb, like he was in a dream, and he found Cas outside by their tree. He went up behind him and wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist and rested his chin on his boyfriend's shoulder, breathing deeply and closing his eyes. "I'm proud of you too, Cas." He said softly.

Castiel took a deep breath, leaning back into Dean. "I wasn't supposed to get a part," he said quietly. "I only did this for you..I can't go out on stage a-and play Riff! That's insane, people will be watching and it's not like I can kiss you to help me through it. You're Tony, that'll just make things confusing" he tried to joke as found himself getting wound up. It was a great opportunity but Castiel could feel his confidence slipping easily. He wasn't as strong as Dean. He couldn't do this.

Dean sighed and buried his nose in Castiel's hair. "Stop it, Cas. Someone clearly thinks you're a great Riff, because that's the role you got." He gently turned Castiel around and held his shoulders to get Castiel to meet his eyes. "I know you'd be a perfect Riff. You've seen the movie a million times, you know all the words and the dance steps, and you love West Side Story. We'll do this together, okay?" Dean said softly, and pulled Castiel into his arms.

Castiel relaxed in Dean's arms, burying his face in the other's neck and inhaling Dean's sweet smell. "Okay," he agreed softly. He'd deal with this tomorrow. For now, he just wanted to go to bed and sleep off this hangover. "I love you," he murmured, kissing Dean's neck tenderly and brushing his nose against Dean's jaw like a loveable kitten.

Dean smiled as Castiel's warmth seeped into him and they held each other. "I love you too," he said, closing his eyes as Castiel nuzzled neck. He breathed deeply and gradually calmed down from the excitement of discovering their roles in the play. "Rehearsals start tomorrow after school," Dean murmured, rubbing his hand up and down Castiel's back. "Probably just giving us the scripts and reading through it, I guess."

Castiel hummed, acknowledging what Dean was saying. "Sounds thrilling," he said dryly, with a little smirk. He nipped at Dean's skin playfully before kissing over the marks lazily. His hands resting on Dean's thighs as he was half turned around with Dean sat behind him. He turned back around to lean against him and laced their fingers together in front of him.

Dean smiled softly and closed his eyes again, leaning forward to press his lips to the side of Castiel's neck. "Costumes should be interesting," Dean mumbled against Castiel's skin, remembering the uncomfortable looking tight shirts and pants that looked two sizes too small. Another spot came to his mind then, and he said, "Ruby got the part of Maria... there's not an understudy for her because apparently there wasn't another girl who could sing as well as her." Dean had gotten the part of Tony's understudy, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to be in the play. The play lasted for two weekends, and there were two shows each weekend. Usually, the understudies did the second weekend, so Dean was going to be Tony for two performances. The thought made him nervous.

Castiel laughed, "Yes, I think I might find it distracting trying to play your best friend when all I want to do is jump you." He blushed even at his own words, so unlike him. Dean had certainly changed him a lot and the thought made him smile. He felt Dean tense and he shifted so he could look back at him. "You'll be amazing, boo, I just know it," he smiled, kissing his cheek.

(I just thought of something... Bobby and Crowley should go to the musical and then Crowley wants Cas and Dean to perform for some party or something, like how there was a band at the company party, maybe there should be another or something similar to it and Crowley gets them to perform somehow? Or Castiel's mom wants to hear them? I am so proud of our boys :D)

Dean huffed in amusement and nipped at Castiel's ear. "Yeah, we're both going to need some major acting lessons," he joked. Dean moved from behind Castiel and laid him down on the grass and leaned over him, propped up on one elbow. He looked at Castiel with a soft expression and stroked his hair lovingly before leaning down and joining their lips together in a tender kiss.

(YES YES YES That would be AWESOME...but we still have the dinner to get through first..fuck this is exciting :D)

Castiel nodded, "I've never acted before might be a bit tricky." He leaned into Dean's touch, sighing softly. Castiel traced his fingertips over Dean's lips, smiling softly. He took off his glasses so he could see Dean with his own eyes, wincing a little and struggling to keep his eyes open like a new born puppy. When he finally managed to adjust to the light he grinned over at Dean, "So beautiful," he crooned, cupping the other's cheek.

(AHHH OKAY!)

Dean smiled when Castiel took off his sunglasses and squinted into the light. "I've never acted either," he said softly, eyes roaming over Castiel's face. He looked tired and pale, and his eyes were droopy and bloodshot from the hangover. Dean turned his head to kiss the palm of Castiel's hand on his cheek and then smirked down at him. "Thanks," he said. "I'd say the same to you but you've definitely looked better." He was only teasing, of course, but he leaned down to kiss Castiel softly again to make up for the playful insult.

Castiel pouted even though he knew he looked like crap and Dean was only joking. He bit lightly at Dean's lower lip as punishment for insulting him although it seemed more of a reward than anything. He sucked at his lip gently before pulling away. "Then I guess I'll have to bring my A game tomorrow," he grinned, already thinking of the pair of jeans he could wear that showed off his ass and would drive Dean crazy. "I think we should invest a bit more time into the play, outside of school rehearsals. Everyone worked so hard to get into the play, I feel bad getting a part like that and not even knowing how to act. I really want to prove myself. Show them how seriously I want to take this, you know?"

Dean hummed softly into the kiss and gasped a little as Castiel bit his lip and then sucked it. "I'm looking forward to it, baby." He purred with a smirk. "I agree," he said in reply to Castiel's second comment. He laid his head down on Castiel's chest, placing his ear right over Castiel's heart and draping an arm over his stomach. "We've never even been in drama class or anything. I hope they don't regret casting us." He sighed contentedly and relaxed into Castiel's body.

"We'll just have to make sure that they don't," Castiel hummed, loving the feeling of Dean leant against him. He ran a hand into his hair, playing with it softly as he hummed. He put his glasses back on as Dean couldn't see him and he didn't want to burn his eyes for no reason. His heart stuttered a little with nerves as he knew Dean was listening. It was so intimate and something Castiel thought he could only ever dream of. It made him smile ridiculously.

Dean could be lulled to sleep by the sound of Castiel's heartbeat, but he giggled when his boyfriend's heart rate increased a little as Dean laid on his chest. He lifted his head to rest his chin on Castiel's collarbone and looked up at his face. "We're gonna have lots of scenes together, right?" He asked. Riff and Tony were best friends, and Dean knew they sang at least one song together, so that would be really nice. It would help Dean feel less anxious having Castiel on stage with him.

Castiel hummed, kissing Dean's nose. "Yeah, so we can get through this together. We'll be alright," he assured. Castiel's arms were wrapped tightly around Dean and he cursed when the bell went. "I just want to sleep," he whined, pressing his cheek against Dean's and letting out a frustrated sigh. He kissed Dean softly and tried to ignore the fact they'd have to leave soon.

Dean groaned when the bell rang and dropped his forehead to Castiel's chest in annoyance. "Can we just stay out here all day?" He muttered, not making any move to get up. "I'm not in the mood for school and you're obviously hungover, we should just stay here and sleep," Dean argued, resting his cheek against Castiel's chest again and closing his eyes. He was so wound up from the excitement of everything that had happened in the last few days, and now he was just emotionally exhausted.

"I don't think that's a good idea, love," Castiel said reluctantly. "I don't want to get in trouble, I doubt my father would be pleased if he found out I was taking a nap outside during school with a boy in my lap." He kissed Dean apologetically and made to stand up, shifting Dean as he did so. "Just one more lesson," he promised. "Then you can sleep."

Dean groaned softly and sat up as Castiel gently pushed him away. "I want to sleep with you," He said, and then started giggling immaturely at the double meaning. He rose to his feet and kissed Castiel lazily on the mouth, tangling his fingers in his hair and holding him close for a lingering moment.

Castiel rolled his eyes fondly at Dean's immature moment, smirking ever so slightly at his joke. "'l'll do more than sleep with you, gorgeous." Castiel winked, giggling a little and blushing at how bold he just sounded. Nothing like him at all. He stayed close to Dean, taking in his warmth before reluctantly pulling way to head back to school, his arm still wrapped around Dean.

Dean grinned breathlessly at Castiel's suggestive flirting and slid his fingers into the back pocket of Castiel's jeans again as they walked, loving the fact that he could put his hand right on Castiel's ass like he owned it. Castiel, in turn, had his own arm wrapped around Dean, and Dean smiled widely as they walked back into the building. As they stepped into the hallway, Dean noticed that everyone was looking at them, and Dean blushed a little at all the sudden attention. "Cas, you don't have any extra sunglasses, do you?" He murmured jokingly, remembering what they'd said about them needing sunglasses with all the fame they received after the talent.

Castiel was thankful for the glasses he had on, he did not want anyone to see how crap he looked today and everyone was watching them, staring at them in surprise for the parts they had gotten. "I worry about the speed of which information is passed around at this school," Castiel murmured in Dean's ear, indicating to everyone who was watching them. He saw a few girls looking Dean's way and he felt the need to grip on to Dean a little tighter. He broke away when they reached art and Castiel pulled Dean into a passionate kiss, feeling a little possessive after the way those girls had been looking at Dean.

Dean made a surprised little gasp when Castiel kissed him deeply in front of the art room. He eagerly returned the kiss and leaned into Castiel's body, tangling his hands in his hair and making sure to mess it up enough that people would be able to tell someone had been running their hands through it. Like staking a claim. Dean noticed Castiel's possessiveness when they were kissing, and Dean was feeling the same because everyone had been staring at them. Dean needed everyone to know Castiel was his. When they broke away after the kiss, Dean tugged at Castiel's shirt a little and then smirked at him in satisfaction.

Castiel blushed, eyes raking over Dean's body as he panted slightly for breath. He held his stance for a moment torn between going to class and pushing Dean back into the lockers right there and then but they both had work to do and Castiel feared if he kissed Dean again he would never let go. He let out a noise in frustration as he tugged at Dean's bottom lip before pulling away. He managed to get into the art room without jumping Dean so he supposed he should praise himself for that.

Dean laughed breathlessly at the conflict in Castiel's eyes and the little frustrated noise he made before going into the art room. He felt very pleased with himself; it was fun teasing Cas like that and getting him all frustrated. Dean felt a little bad though, but Cas was the one who'd initiated that kiss by the lockers. All the same, he was going to make it up to him later. They needed to celebrate somehow, and Dean was already getting a few ideas. He turned to go back the other way to his English classroom, and immediately bumped right into Ash. They kind of stared at each other for a moment, and Dean felt a little bad. He hadn't spoken to Ash in almost two weeks. Ash, on the other hand, looked completely horrified and confused, like Dean had grown two heads. "Dude," he said in a low voice, "What happened to you?" Dean sighed, he supposed he'd have to tell Ash at some point. "I'm gay." Dean said bluntly, looking at Ash with a level, steady expression. Ash's eyebrows rose in disbelief. "Really? As in... you like cock?" Dean winced slightly when Ash put it so crudely, but he held his ground and stared back at Ash. "Is that a problem?" He challenged. Ash looked Dean up and down calculatingly, as if his appearance had changed somehow, which Dean was pretty sure it hadn't. "How can you be gay? I mean, look at you. You like girls." Dean shook his head. "Not anymore." He told Ash. "Your plan worked, dumbass. Except it worked better than you thought it would. Cas is my boyfriend. So thanks for daring me to ask him out, because then we never would've met." He gave Ash a small smile and then began walking away to his English room, leaving Ash standing there staring after him in confusion.

Castiel walked into Art with the old sets finally off the floor and leaning against the walls and the next scene sets spread out and ready to paint. He got a few smiles his way, clearly hearing about the play and all he could do was blush and keep his head down when he fought back a smile. There weren't many of them in art today, just him, Anna and a few other girls had managed to get out of class. So it was thankfully quiet. He walked over to Anna when one of the other girls called out, "Dance for us, Riff." Her friend giggled in response, both of them looking up at him expectantly. Castiel let out a nervous chuckle and sat down cross-legged by Anna giving her a soft smile. "Uh, maybe later." he said with a polite smile. One of the girls leaned over her work and pointing her paintbrush at him. "I heard that this Dean guy's playin' Tony's understudy, you get a look at his audition?" The second girl soon piped up, "I heard he came out of nowhere and just wiped the floor with his voice," Castiel couldn't help but smile at that. The first girl made an _mmph _noise, "He's so hot, I wish I could be his Maria," Anna giggled quietly and Castiel couldn't help but join her. Castiel was pretty sure they didn't know who Castiel was. They never spoke to each other and Castiel couldn't remember ever seeing them outside this classroom. "He's taken," Castiel stressed, feeling possessiveness well back up inside him. "Yeah by some Castielle, chick," the second sighed. Castiel raised an eyebrow, genuinely beginning to wonder how news travelled around this school. "It's Castiel, actually," he corrected "He's also sat right here." Castiel nearly burst out laughing from the looks on their faces, jaws hung to the floor. "Holy crap, your _that _Castiel?!" the first exclaimed. "Yes, I am," Castiel said proudly, not quite sure whether in their eyes that was a good thing or not. "I'm Meg and this is Bela," the first introduced. After that the four of them painted in companionable silence, talking now and then about the play. It was surprisingly easy to talk to them. After the hour was up and the bell was about to go, Meg drew a kitty cat nose and whiskers on Castiel's face before he could stop her. She gave a small smile and returned to her stuff. Castiel looked Anna for help on what had just happened by Anna just giggled. Castiel rolled his eyes and took his stuff to head out to his motorcycle.

The rest of Dean's day was pretty surreal. People kept asking about his audition and he heard his name whispered in the halls and felt the stares. It was pretty nerve-wracking, but Dean tried to ignore it and go with the flow. At one point when he was walking to Math, Ruby came up to him and linked her arm through his, smiling up at him sweetly. "So. Dean Winchester has some hidden musical talent. Who knew?" Dean was a little startled by her sudden appearance. "Uh, thanks..." he said awkwardly, giving her a small smile. Ruby was tiny, brunette, and very pretty, and not to mention an excellent singer, dancer and actress. She'd make a great Maria. "Listen," she said quietly, "I know you're new to this whole drama thing and you're a freaking amazing singer, but don't let it get to your head. It's a lot of work and it's not easy." Dean nodded uncertainly at her. "I have literally no experience with any of this." He told her. She patted his arm and grinned. "Don't worry, Dean. We'll all help you out. You're gonna be great. We have a lot of scenes together, so I'll coach you a little if you need it." She leaned a little closer and looked at him teasingly. "Don't worry, I'll try not to make your boyfriend jealous or anything," Dean rose his eyebrows and felt his face begin heating up, but at least Ruby wasn't interested in him. He wasn't sure how Cas would react to that, and they didn't need the stress of jealousy with everything else that was already going on. She laughed at his facial expression and then shoved him playfully. "Rehearsals start Wednesday. That's tomorrow," she reminded him with a friendly smirk, and then walked away. "Bye, Dean." She called over her shoulder, and Dean was left feeling a little overwhelmed. He went into math, his last class of the day, and sat through it without really paying much attention. Ruby seemed pretty nice. She was really outgoing and talkative and she could be pretty sarcastic at times, but she was okay. She genuinely wanted to help Dean, and that was a relief. Dean had no idea what he was doing and he needed someone with more experience to help him out. After math ended, he walked slowly outside to Castiel's motorcycle, where his boyfriend was already waiting. When he got close enough to see Castiel's face, he stared for a second and then doubled over laughing. Castiel had a cat nose and whiskers painted on his face. "There's no way that was an accident," he said, still laughing.

(Sorry my replies have been so slow lately... school just started and I'm really busy so I only have about 4 hours at the most each day to RP :( But I love this so much! and YaaY for Meg and Bela! Also, I started making a playlist of songs with acoustic guitar/piano that Dean and Castiel could sing at some point :D)

Castiel pouted, "Bela got me." He wriggled his nose so the whiskers and nose moved too. "I'm a kitty kat," he said with little enthusiasm. He'd have to go home like this, He kissed Dean's cheek and put on his helmet, "I'm sorry, love, but I need to be getting home," he smiled apologetically and started the engine, giving Dean a cheeky wink before driving off home.

Dean laughed and pet Castiel's hair like a cat before he put on his helmet. "Aww," he teased. "You look ridiculous riding a motorcycle with cat stuff on your face," Dean said with an affectionate smile. "I'll see you later, baby." Castiel looked too funny. After he rode away, Dean headed over to his car and got into it to drive home. He was exhausted after the surprising events of the day, and he seriously needed a nap.

Castiel got home and washed the paint off his face, making a face as he saw how silly he looked in the mirror. He changed into his boxers and shirt and crashed on the bed, willing for the day to be over and for his hangover to clear. He curled up with Amber and sighed as the pillow provided some comfort for his pounding head.

By the time Dean got home to his empty house, he was so tired he wondered how he hadn't managed to crash the car. He trudged up the stairs, kicked his shoes off, dumped his backpack on the floor, and collapsed on his bed with a groan of relief. He still needed time to process the events of the day. He was one of the star roles in West Side Story. That was something he'd never even imagined being. He supposed it must be even more overwhelming for Cas, though, because the poor guy had a hangover and he was so naturally shy in school.

Castiel awoke the next morning feel fresh and ready for anything. Until he realized anything entitled being in a school musical. In front of people. Singing and dancing. Shit. He practically jumped out of bed and began pacing. "Oh God, oh God," he panicked, running his hands through his hair. "I can't do this. I'm going to fall flat on my ass and everyone's going to see," he told Amber. He had a shower and changed into a pair of tight fitted black jeans and a white t-shirt with a black waistcoat. He grabbed his helmet and backpack and head for school, hoping Dean would be there to calm his nerves.

The next morning at breakfast, John was there and Sam was biting his lip and jiggling his leg up and down impatiently, his eyes full of questions. As soon as the two of them were in the car, Sam blurted out, "You're Tony's understudy?!" and stared at Dean with a look of excitement and disbelief. Dean shrugged modestly, although the corner of his mouth pulled up in a grin. Sam let out a thrilled whoop of excitement and pounded his hand on the dashboard. "Dude, you're going to be awesome!" He paused and looked troubled for a moment, and then asked, "Does Dad know?" Dean shook his head. "No, and I don't think he needs to... not so sure it would be a good idea with everything else that's going on, you know? It might kind of surprise him, and not in a good way." Sam huffed in frustration. "You're probably right," he said glumly, "But I'm proud of you even if he isn't." Sam scowled down at his hands for the rest of the ride there, and when they got to school Sam headed off to find his friends, and Dean took a deep, shaky breath before getting out of the car to face the day and all the sudden attention.

Castiel saw Dean and practically threw himself at him, wrapping his arms around the other's neck. "Help me," he pleaded. "I don't know what happened yesterday. It didn't really register and now it has and I am _freaking _out." He pressed kisses to Dean's neck, trying to find something to ground himself with, the familiar scent of Dean easing him down a little. "We're Tony and Riff, Dean! it's crazy!" he laughed, a little nervously.

"Whoa!" Dean exclaimed as Castiel ran into his arms and almost knocked him over. He put his arms around Cas in return and held him tightly. "Jesus, Cas. Calm down and breathe!" Dean said, laughing. "Are you feeling any better?" He asked, pushing Castiel away gently to look at him. He kissed Castiel softly and ran his hands up and down Castiel's tense arms in an effort to soothe him a little.

Castiel melted into the kiss, arms loosening on Dean slightly as he eased off. "I'm better, physically at least," Castiel smiled half-heartedly. "I'll be okay, I think once we start rehearsals it's just at the moment I'm worried people will laugh at me." He sighed against Dean's chest, "I'll be okay. It's just nerves."

"Nobody's gonna laugh at you, idiot," Dean murmured affectionately, placing a soothing hand on the back of Castiel's neck as he pulled him closer. "I'm nervous too," he admitted. "Really nervous. I still can't believe we did it. But Ruby talked to me yesterday and said she wants to help out with the acting stuff."

Castiel sighed in relief. "Good, that's good" He was really worried about the acting part. Mainly because he'd never acted in his life, plus he wasn't exactly the best of liars so that didn't help. He took Dean's hand, letting go of it when he'd walked far in front of him. He twirled for Dean, "Do I look better today?" he smirked, wiggling his hips as he walked.

"Hell, yeah," Dean said with a laugh, watching Castiel's little runway walk. Those tight pants and the waistcoat over the tee shirt were damn hot, and Dean looked Castiel up and down, nodding and humming in approval. "My opinion's biased, though," He teased. "I think you look hot in everything you wear. You could make a burlap sack look good." Dean said, stepping forward and hooking his fingers in the belt loops of Castiel's jeans to pull him closer. "Love the pants," he growled, "But right now I just wanna get in them."

"I'll remember to grab my burlap sack next time I'm out, " he smirked. He moved in close to Dean, holding his breath before bursting out with laughter. "Why do you make cheesy lines so damn hot?!" he said through his laughter. He covered his mouth trying to stop laughing but it didn't work so kissed Dean for good measure which soon shut him up.

Dean laughed into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Castiel's back. He pulled away and playfully bumped his nose against Castiel's. "I don't know," he replied with a smirk, "Why do you make the slightly disturbing choreography of West Side Story so hot?" He poked both of Castiel's sides playfully and then kissed him again, arching into his body and locking their lips together firmly.

Castiel laughed about to respond before Dean's lips were back on his and he was pushing his body back against Dean's. He moaned softly into the touch before backing away again. He blushed deeply as he remembered they were standing in the middle of the parking lot. He took Dean's hand and led them inside.

"Happy Hump Day," Dean murmured teasingly into Castiel's ear, remembering last Wednesday's events, when Dean had gone over to Castiel's house. They walked into the school holding hands lazily, their fingers loosely intwined between them. "I've got free period first today," He told Cas. "Are you going to be in art again?"

Castiel blushed but snickered along with Dean's joke. Last Wednesday passing through his mind and he felt warmth spread through him. He looked over at Dean and nodded, "Would you like to join me?" he offered, "It's just me Anna, Bela and Meg. We can practise singing if you want?" he suggested. "Some how I don't think Meg or Bela would mind hearing your voice."

Dean grinned. "I'd love that," he said, kissing Castiel's cheek simply because he could. He was still a little nervous about singing in front of people, but he figured he'd have to get over that fear because there was going to be a great deal of singing in the near future. He didn't know Meg and Bela very well, but they'd had a few classes together in the past and they seemed pretty nice.

"Don't worry, love. They are really nice. They think you're down right gorgeous but then again who doesn't?" Castiel chuckled, kissing Dean's nose and leading them into the art rooms by the hand, showing anyone in there Dean was his. He put down his stuff and sat cross-legged on the floor. "It's going to be a long day" he sighed, looking at how much work was still to be done.

Dean looked at all the unpainted sets. "I'd offer to help but I'm not much of an artist," He set his bag down out of the way and sat comfortably on the floor, leaning back on his hands and stretching his legs out in front of him. "I'll try not to be too much of a distraction," he teased, tilting his head down a little and giving Castiel a smoldering grin.

Castiel looked over at the untouched sets and gave a look at Dean, "Instead of sitting their and looking pretty why don't you do the base colour?" he suggested. He showed Dean which paint to use. "All you have to do is paint the whole thing that colour then we'll add in the rest later, it'd really help us out."

Dean looked at the paintbrush in his hand skeptically. "All right," he said uncertainly, "But are you sure you trust me with a paintbrush?" He wanted to help in any way he could, because there was a lot of stuff to do and it didn't look like there were going to be very many people in here today. Dean experimentally stroked the brush over the thick cardboard set piece and began carefully applying an even coat of paint.

"I trust you with my life, I think I can let you handle a paintbrush," Castiel smirked, blushing a little and dipping his head to hide his smile as he worked. He painted in some of the details, humming softly to himself, P!nk Perfect, it'd been in his head all morning and it didn't look like it was leaving any time soon. It made him smile when he remembered Dean singing it to him.

Dean smiled shyly at Castiel when he wasn't looking, struck speechless by that comment. Castiel was blushing sweetly and Dean smiled and concentrated on painting everything a solid color. The work wasn't very interesting, but at least it was easy and Dean wouldn't be able to mess it up. After a little while he noticed Castiel humming Perfect, and he started humming along with a little smirk on his face, not looking up at Cas.

Castiel looked over at Dean and lost his breath, he looked so beautiful. Only his profile visible as he hummed softly to himself, the light angling his jaw and features perfectly. Castiel started humming again, returning to his work with a bright smile on his face. He was head over heels in love with this perfect human being by his side.

Dean hummed happily to himself along with Castiel as they painted together. He was working his way up to the top of the scenery, getting a little further away from Castiel. Suddenly, he just decided to burst out in song. "_Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel, like you're less than, less than perfect. Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel, like you're nothing, you are perfect to me." _He didn't care that there were other people in the other side of the art room, he was having too much fun to be bothered by them.

Castiel's heart skipped a beat, hearing those words again. He dropped his brush back onto the floor and leant backwards to lie on the floor as he let Dean's voice wash over him. He was going to have serious problems if he wasn't capable of singing together with Dean in the play or even being in the same scene as his. Damn, this was going to be sang along softly to Dean's song, closing his eyes and ignoring the surprised stares Bela and Meg were giving them.

Dean glanced over at Cas and then frowned in confusion. "Cas, you okay?" He asked, seeing his boyfriend lying on the floor on his back, paintbrush abandoned with a slightly stoned-looking smile on his face. Dean set his brush down and crawled over to Castiel quietly until he was hovering right over his face, and then he gave him a surprise kiss. "Hey, Cas," he said softly with a little smirk.

"Hey," he replied with a quiet voice. "Why'd you stop singing?" he asked annoyed, his voice still soft and relaxed. "I was enjoying your voice." He cupped Dean's cheek, still laying on the floor. "Sing for me, love." He could hear a few _aww_ in the background but Castiel couldn't care less. His attention was on Dean.

Dean blushed and smiled at the other people's reaction to them, and he buried his face in Castiel's neck. "Fine, if you promise not to go to sleep. You've got work to do, baby." He pushed himself up and kissed Castiel again before picking up the tune where he'd left off, feeling a little self-conscious but forcing himself through it. It was his way of practicing singing in front of other people.

Castiel got up reluctantly and picked up his paint brush, setting back to work and listening to Dean sing. He pitched in softly, singing along with Dean as he worked. He rubbed his cheek as he yawned, ending up with paint on his frigging face again. He didn't care though, if Bela got near him again he may end school looking like a tiger or something.

Dean continued painting and singing, gaining confidence until the song was finished. "You've got a singing role, too, you know." He told Cas, "Your turn to sing to me," He looked at Cas pleadingly, vaguely aware that Meg and Bela had stopped painting and were watching them silently in anticipation. He glanced at them shyly, and then looked back at Cas, smirking a little when he saw that Cas had managed to get paint on his face for the millionth time.

Castiel thought for a moment before smiling brightly and started singing softly the song 'So Close' the memories flooding back of how they'd danced to it at their own prom and Castiel felt like crying with tears of joy. _You're in my arms, and all the world is calm. The music playing on for only two. _He looked over at Dean with a soft smile. He sang with more confidence as the song progressed.

Dean bit his lip and smiled as he heard Castiel's voice gaining confidence. He really was a good singer, and Dean loved hearing him sing. Castiel's eyes were shining with emotion and Dean's probably were too. This was the first song they'd slow danced to, which had led to their first kiss that night. This song would always be special to them.

Castiel continued to seeing, his voice thick with emotion but he continued to sing. He could practically see Bela and Meg holding back their giddy smiles without even looking at them. He kept singing until the song was over and let out a long shaky breath after, fighting back tears. The song meant a lot to him after their night in the cabin and Castiel would never forget it.

Dean bit his lip as he looked at Castiel's face. He looked like he was about to break down in tears, and Dean's chest felt tight. He crawled over and wrapped his arms around Castiel, urging him to rest his forehead down on his shoulder and hide his face from the other people in the art room. "That was beautiful," he whispered into Castiel's ear. He rested his hand on the back of Castiel's neck and lightly traced circles with his fingertips.

Castiel rested his head down on Dean's shoulder, grateful for his support. "I love you so much," he whispered, clutching to Dean's shirt as he let his body relax again. After a long moment he pulled back and smiled at Dean before going back to his work, focusing on the set detail and trying not to dwell on his emotions right at that second.

Dean watched Castiel for a moment, and they shared a small meaningful smile as Castiel went back to work. Dean went back to his work. He glanced over at Meg and Bela, and was grateful to see that they had kind of turned around during Castiel's emotional moment to give them some privacy. Dean was halfway done with one of the large set pieces, but there were still a lot more to do. He wondered if he could get out of class to work on them.

Castiel continued to paint looking up when Bela got his attention. "You guys are adorable, how long have you been together?" Castiel looked over at Dean for a moment before answering, "Few weeks." Bela's jaw almost dropped, "You're shitting me? Ah, shut up! You look like you've been together for months" Castiel didn't know what to say to that, "Thanks?"

Dean blushed a little and looked at Cas. He realized it probably did look like they'd been together for much longer. Most couples who'd been dating for a few weeks took longer to get comfortable with each other, but Dean and Castiel's story was different. Dean didn't know what to say either, and he wasn't even sure it was a compliment, so he smiled when Cas thanked Bela. "Yeah, we started dating around prom." He said vaguely, smiling at Castiel knowingly.

Castiel looked up at Dean and returned the smile. He'd loved this, these little things that only they knew. It reminded him that he finally had someone to confide with, have all these private jokes and stories, that he wasn't alone anymore, eating lunch in solitude and never talking to anyone besides the asses that bullied him. Now he had Dean.

Bela and Meg both _awwed _at them, and Dean grinned shyly at the girls before looking back into Castiel's blue eyes. He playfully poked his boyfriend's cheek with one finger and smiled at him. "Yeah, we're practically married." He joked lightly, giving Castiel a soft, loving gaze.

Castiel smiled reaching out to pretend to bite Dean's finger. Castiel was going to comment on how their wedding would be a disaster, if their families came and their dads met but then something struck Castiel, despite all that, he could actually picture their wedding. The feeling made him smile ridiculously and blush as he turned his head away. The bell for second period went and Castiel sighed, knowing Dean had class. He didn't want him to go but he didn't want him to skip his education just for him either.

When the bell went, Dean groaned and stood up to stretch, looking at the sets he'd managed to paint with the base color. "I have French now," Dean said with an apologetic smile. He couldn't afford to miss another French class and he really needed to keep his grades up so his dad didn't start investigating his social life. Leaning down to press a quick kiss to Castiel's lips, he said, "Can you bring your guitar to lunch?"

Castiel nodded, kissing Dean back briefly before the other moved away. He nodded quickly and smiled, "Sure thing." He returned to his work, beginning to paint in the detail on the set Dean had been painting. He smiled when Dean left the room and ignored the looks Bela and Meg were no doubt giving him. He hummed quietly to himself with a soft smile as he continued his work up until lunch.

Almost as soon as he stepped out of the art room, Dean collided with someone and instantly put his arm out to steady the guy. "Sorry," he muttered, helping the guy regain his balance, but then Dean got a good look at his face and he grinned. "Adam!" He said. "The drummer from the talent show. I never really got a chance to thank you," he said. Adam grinned and patted him on the arm. "No worries," he said easily, and they fell into step together. "So, I heard you and Castiel both got parts in the musical," Adam said, and Dean nodded, still feeling a little stunned that they'd managed to get in. "Yeah, I don't know how we did it." He replied. "Are you involved in the play at all?" He looked at Adam curiously. Adam smiled crookedly and shrugged. "I dunno. I want to be in the pit orchestra, you know, doing percussion or something. I also play cello, so I might do that instead. I'm actually on my way to the music rooms right now to talk to the director and see what he thinks I should do." Dean raised his eyebrows, impressed. "Wow. Two instruments? I can't even read music." Adam laughed. "The voice is an instrument too, you know. And from what I've heard, yours is pretty good." They neared the music rooms, and Adam lightly punched Dean's shoulder with a lopsided grin. "See you later, Dean."

By the time lunch came, Castiel was tired. He stretched his limbs as he'd been sat in the same position practically all day and made his way out the room only to be pulled back by Meg and Bela. He made an unattractive high pitched yelping sound and was suddenly manhandled by the both of them. Each one hook an arm with his so they could walk down the halls together. "What's happening?" he asked, feeling like he was about to be sacrificed to appease the Gods. "We're coming to hear you sing with that hot boyfriend of yours," Bela said as if it was obvious. Castiel was going to protest but fought it might be good practise to sing with other people in the room. He'd have to after school anyway so why not start now? He got a guitar from the music room and headed out to the tree, sitting cross legged in his usual spot.

When it was finally lunch time, Dean headed out to the tree. On the way there he met up with Anna, who smiled sweetly at him and gave him a hug. Dean grinned and hugged her back, already feeling more confident around her. He needed to practice acting like her boyfriend anyway, and she needed it too so they would be believable at dinner on Saturday night. When they pulled apart Dean gave her a small knowing smile, and she nodded, slipping her hand into his. They walked to the tree together, and Dean bit his lip a little nervously when he saw Meg and Bela there with Cas. Clearly, they were going to have a small audience.

Bela and Meg gave each other a look when they saw Anna and Dean holding hands but Castiel just smiled, grateful Dean was remembering about that. With everything else they'd had to deal with, Castiel had forgotten about the dinner and bit his lip nervously. He held out his hand for Dean and tugged at his sleeve to get him to sit with him, like a demanding toddler but there were three girls sat with them and Castiel was feeling possessive.

Dean laughed at Castiel and swatted his hand away playfully before sitting down beside him. Anna went and sat beside Meg and Bela, so the five of them formed a little circle. Dean looked around at all of them a little awkwardly, then grinned at Castiel. "So we're performers now?" He asked, wrapping an arm around Castiel's waist and leaning into him slightly.

"Performer monkeys, possibly," Castiel mused, "I did not agree to this." Castiel leant into the touch and kissed Dean's jaw. "What did you want to sing?" he asked quietly, playing absently with the strings on the guitar. "Do you want me to go through Something's Coming with you?" he offered, off course knowing the words and the exact time to the song.

"Sure, we can try," Dean answered a little doubtfully. He didn't know the words at all, but he supposed he'd have to learn. He didn't want to jump right into that song when there were three people watching them, because he wasn't in the mood for major embarrassment. "Can we do a little something to warm up first?" He asked. "Do you know Collide by Howie Day?"

Castiel nodded, smiling happily. It was an easy enough song to play. He looked up briefly up thee girls who were looking up at the expectantly and Castiel could help but chuck softly. He kissed Dean's jaw as he started to play the simple melody on the guitar, leaning into Dean and closing his eyes as he dipped his head to make it look like he was actually concentrating as he strummed out the easy tune.

Dean watched Castiel's face as he played the introduction, and he pressed a soft kiss to Castiel's temple before backing away and closing his eyes to start singing. "_The dawn is breaking. A light shining through. You're barely waking, and I'm tangled up in you." _Dean began, starting out with more confidence than he usually did. He smiled slightly at the lyrics as he imagined waking up with Castiel. He'd chosen this song for a reason. It reminded Dean of their relationship. When they refrain came, Castiel's beautiful guitar playing got a bit louder and more rhythmic and Dean put his heart into the song.

Castiel couldn't help but smile as he played, listening to Dean's voice. He looked so content when he played and that made Castiel warm and happy. He continued to play, strumming on the strings more firmly as Dean's voice became more confident. He mouthed the words along with Dean but didn't make a sound, not wanting to put him off or ruin the song.

"_... we somehow find that you and I collide." _Dean opened his eyes and looked over at Castiel as he sang that line with a small smile. Castiel looked so relaxed and comfortable, and he was silently mouthing the words along. Dean ran one hand through Castiel's hair as they continued the song, and when it drew to an end, he took a deep breath and looked at Castiel dazedly. He always felt a little out of it after they finished a song.

Once the song was over, Castiel exhaled deeply, releasing his death grip on the guitar and setting it down. He could hear Meg and Bela call out, clapping enthusiastically. Castiel blushed, hiding his face as he turned into Dean a bit. He still wasn't used to the attention and it felt weird to be praised for something he enjoyed doing with Dean in his spare time. He kissed Dean's jaw again, still smiling to himself.

Dean grinned and blushed as Castiel leaned into him, and he wrapped an arm around his shoulders to keep him close. He looked at the girls proudly. "Am I lucky or what?" He asked happily, referring to his relationship with Cas. He leaned down to kiss Castiel's cheek and ran his fingers through his boyfriend's hair again.

Castiel chuckled and blushed, hiding his face further into Dean's neck. He sighed as Dean played with his hair, a soothing sensation just washing over him. He hummed with content and kissed Dean's neck, wrapping his arms around his waist. He could hear Meg say, "I think I'm going to be sick." but if he'd been looking he'd have seen the affectionate way she rolled her eyes. Bela just giggled, still not getting over the fact these two hotties could sing AND were together.

Dean couldn't stop smiling, but he was also blushing. He raised his eyebrows in amusement at the girls' reactions. Anna was quiet, as usual, but she was looking at Cas and Dean with a soft smile on her face. Dean didn't know how well Anna knew Meg and Bela, but she seemed comfortable enough in this group. Meg and Bela appeared to be very close friends, and they seemed similar in the way they spoke and acted, far more outgoing and sassy than Anna. "Should we do another?" Dean murmured with a playful smirk. "Gotta please the ladies," He winked at the girls teasingly and then turned back to Cas with a smirk.

(Okay it's not guitar at all but I like the song and can't get it out of my head..so just go with it

watch?v=VIDtNL_qVsc I found a version of it with guitar if that helps)

Castiel smirked knowingly and carefully dissembled himself from Dean, picking up his guitar and testing the strings experimentally. He stood up, really in the mood to dance. He stepped out of their their little circle and stood a little further out in the grass behind Meg and Bela, gesturing for Dean to follow him. He grinned excitedly as he whispered to Dean, "Cuckoo, Adam Lambert." He started strumming out the intro, fingers working quickly over the strings as he looked over at Dean briefly with an excited look on his face.

(Holy shit I love Adam Lambert!)

Dean actually knew that song, much to his surprise. There would probably be a few places where he wouldn't remember the words, but the song was really catchy, and Dean secretly admired Adam Lambert's style of singing, but he'd never admitted it because his old friends would probably make fun of him, but now that Dean had a boyfriend, Adam Lambert was actually a bit of an inspiration. Dean stood up and followed Castiel to stand beside him a little uncertainly. Meg, Bela and Anna turned around to look at them. Dean started tapping his foot and bobbing his head to the beat of Castiel's rhythmic strumming.

Castiel continued playing into the rhythm, picking it up to until he was sure it sounded right and then started into the song. His hips swaying slightly as he took slight steps, moving around on the spot as he strummed out the tune, really getting into the fast tempo beat. He hadn't played like this since Uprising at the talent show and it felt good to be getting back into it again. He played a little softer as it was Dean's cue to sing but kept up the same rhythm.

Dean began singing when Castiel's guitar playing softened a little. It a more difficult song to sing, because of the higher notes that Dean wasn't even sure he could hit, but he was surprised when he reached the high notes with ease. He tried imitating Adam Lambert's voice, adding a rough vibrato on the notes. Another thing that made it hard was the lack of other instruments and backup singers to guide him, but Castiel was managing pretty well on his own. He wanted to be on stage with Castiel again.

Castiel continued playing, casually dancing in rhythm with the movement of his arm playing the strings. His hips swaying neatly as he continued to..lets face it, strut in a circle, getting lost in the rhythm and loving the need to dance, suddenly looking forward to rehearsals if it meant he could dance. He looked over at Dean who was singing really well and making the song his own. Castiel bit his lip to stop from smiling so much as he saw how beautiful and at ease Dean looked.

Dean grinned over at Castiel during an instrumental break in the middle of the song. Castiel was making playing a guitar look almost sinfully sexual, and Dean tried not to stare at Castiel's body even as his thoughts quickly became inappropriate. He forced himself to look away and continued singing. When Castiel met his eyes, Dean gave him a smoldering stare and licked his upper lip suggestively. If Castiel was going to be sexually frustrating, so was Dean.

Castiel hid back a grin when Dean licked his lip. He blushed deeply when he knew the girls were still watching them. He kept dancing though, to into the beat to stop. They neared the end and Castiel slowly came to halt as Dean stopped singing. He could hear Bela and Meg going a little overboard whooping and cheering but Castiel soon realized it wasn't just them. They'd drawn a bit of a crowd and Castiel blushed, standing awkwardly with the guitar in his hand and looking down at the floor smiling like an idiot.

Dean hadn't noticed the other people that had gathered around while they were singing, and now they were watching them with interest and cheering enthusiastically. Dean blushed under the attention and grinned at Castiel breathlessly, chest heaving as he calmed down from the adrenaline of the song. "I wasn't expecting to do an impromptu concert," he said quietly to Castiel. He drew him close with an arm around his waist and smiled shyly at everyone.

Castiel grinned, leaning into Dean's touch. He blushed a little but watched as Dean became timid and less relaxed with his movements. "It's good practise," he shrugged, kissing Dean's jaw which got a few _woo_'s from the crowd. The crowd seemed to be getting bigger but he was probably just getting paranoid. He held on tightly to the guitar, refusing to look at the crowd and focussing on either floor or Dean. "I-I want to sing with you," Castiel said, biting his lip nervously. He wasn't sure he wanted to but he need to practise and now was as good time as any.

Dean loved Castiel's new fixation with kissing his jaw. It was a bit of a sensitive spot for Dean, and he couldn't get enough of the feeling of Castiel's lips there. Dean blushed just a bit when a few catcalls came from the crowd, and more people were noticing and coming over to see what was going on. A few people had even sat down on the grass beside Meg and Bela and were talking excitedly. Dean looked around, feeling a bit flustered, before turning back to Cas with an encouraging smile. "Yeah," he agreed. "We need to do another one." He nodded to cue Castiel to start playing. He didn't really care what song they did.

(Okay I LITERALLY can't think of anything so do forgive my poor choice.  watch?v=id-3FKPpTKw&feature=related PLUS I have a cool idea for one of the guitar picks Dean got him but we can get to the another day :D)

Castiel went out into the crowd, unfortunately to get something from his bag. His fingers hurt a little and he remembered the picks Dean had bought him. He'd carried them everywhere the minute Dean had bought them and he was proud to finally get a chance to use one. He stood back in position, whispering to Dean what song they'd sing. A few people clapping in enthusiasm to start and Castiel dove straight in, picking up the rhythm and finding Dean's gift really ease to use. He smiled at Dean, a little nervous to sing to a crowd.

(asldjfhas I love that song! And it's a duet! AHHH YES the guitar picks!)

Dean watched in interest as Castiel went over to where they'd been sitting earlier and got something out of his bag. Dean's mouth spread into a wide, emotional smile when he saw that it was one of the guitar picks he'd given Cas on their first date. The crowd was waiting eagerly for them to start, and Castiel started playing immediately after telling Dean what song they were doing. Dean managed to get into the song and started in at Castiel's cue. The crowd quieted down and listened.

(I can't remember what the other thing he got him was..it was guitar picks and something else but I have no clue what)

Castiel played along softly, listening carefully as Dean sung. He looked so happy and his face had lit up when he saw the pick and Castiel felt like his body was going to melt. He started singing on his cue, the guitar faint under him. _Oh what are we doing? We are turning into dust. Playing outside in the ruins of us. _He looked over at Dean before kicking into the next line as they sang together for the first time, the guitar rising back in again as they sang. Their voice complimenting each others well and Castiel couldn't help but grow confident and smile over at Dean.

(I'm pretty sure it was a blue guitar strap)

Castiel's voice was beautiful. It was unique and had a rough edge to it, but it was clear and soft all at the same time. Dean couldn't really describe Castiel's voice, it was something all his own. When it was time for them to both sing together, Dean felt a chill run through his body as their voices harmonized perfectly over the guitar. The sounds blended together into something beautiful and perfect that Dean didn't know they were capable of. He smiled in amazement over at Castiel as they sang, and something passed through the air between them, and Dean felt a little giddy with excitement. The crowd was still growing, to Dean's amazement. People were wandering over and hovering around nearby to watch, and Dean kind of felt like he and Cas were street performers.

(Yes okay thank you! The strap can go on his guitar at home..there sorted :D You're not going to forgive me for what I'm going to make him do with one of the picks. It's so soppy, hahah :D)

Castiel sang with Dean, gazing his eyes and struggling to keep up for a brief moment as he felt as if time had stopped between them. The song continued and Castiel played the guitar and sang with passion, staying close to Dean and occasionally looking up at him with a timid grin. _Let me hold you for the last time. It's the last chance to feel again. _The song ended and Castiel let out a shaky breath, like something had taken over him during the song and rode him through it before letting go of him once more. He didn't care how many people were watching, and by the time they'd finished that number was a lot. He thought he saw Dean's brother at one point but wasn't sure. He dropped the guitar and let it hang by its worn strap as he reached up to kiss Dean firmly, wrapping his arms around his neck and holding him close. Still grinning brightly.

(Yes! Okay that is a good plan. Fuck... now I'm really excited and nervous and lkadjhfalkjaslkdflk :D)

Dean turned to face Castiel as the song slowed down towards the end and they sang the last line together, and it was perfect. Castiel stepped forward and kissed him in front of everybody, wrapping his arms around him tightly, and Dean did the same. The guitar between them made the embrace somewhat awkward but Dean grabbed Castiel's face and kissed him again before burying his face in Castiel's shoulder and just trying to breathe. They were shaking a little and holding each other tight, and Dean was vaguely aware of enthusiastic cheering and applause surrounding them. This was so different from the talent show because it wasn't planned and they were right out in the open, in front of anybody who was outside, and he was speechless.

Castiel held Dean tightly, supporting him as much as Dean was holding him up. He couldn't stop grinning, he felt amazing. The hum of the crowd, without the lights and the microphones. It was raw and exposed and Castiel was eating it up. He wanted to play with Dean like this forever, it was so much fun and he just could not stop smiling. He hide his face in Dean's shoulder for a moment as he tried to stop himself from blushing. He took a deep breath before facing the audience they had just played to and -whoa, that was a lot of people. He heard a few catcalls, mainly from Bela and Meg down the front saying Dean was hot. He laughed at how crazy it was and kissed Dean again for good measure before pulling away and blushing. "What do we do now?" he asked sheepishly.

Dean shrugged and looked at the crowd with a disbelieving smile. "I don't know, should we keep going?" He asked uncertainly, turning to Castiel breathlessly. The people around them seemed to want them to keep going, if the chanting and catcalls were anything to go by. Dean blushed a little and leaned close to Castiel to whisper, "Maybe we should do something slower to kind of calm things down a little. I don't want you to start a sex riot, unless I'm the only one involved." He teased. "Mykonos by Fleet Foxes?" He suggested, hoping Castiel knew it, but in case he didn't Dean had a few other ideas.

( watch?v=DT-dxG4WWf4 fgjgkhkjhkjk this song has been stuck in my head for weeks)

(Fuckk this isn't fair it's like 3 in the morning here and I need sleep but this is soo goodd)

Castiel nodded, blushing at Dean's earlier comment and kissing him briefly as good luck charm before beginning the mellow rhythm, pick in hand as he picked at the strings delicately. The crowd responded with a few cheers before dying down again. Castiel didn't have to sing this time so he took the opportunity to look out timidly at their audience. He saw a few familiar face, Sam, Ruby but what shocked him was even some of the teachers on playground duty had gathered to watch. One of them being Mr. Singer. Castiel swallowed thickly. If he told Crowley he would definitely tell his mom and he would never hear the end of it. He decided looking in the audience wasn't helping and decided to concentrate on just the music, and Dean of course.

(omg it's only 10 pm here but my mom is yelling at me to get off the computer D: but I love this way too much)

It was strange singing without a microphone. Dean really had to project his voice out so everyone standing around would be able to hear, but he didn't want to drown out Castiel's skilled fingerpicking, because it sounded amazing. Dean glanced at the group of people scattered nearby and spotted Sam, who was smiling proudly, and Ruby, who was observing them thoughtfully from her spot next to Sam. Adam was standing on Sam's other side, and Lisa was standing right in the middle of the crowd with her arms crossed, looking at Dean in disbelief. He didn't look at her for too long. During one of the instrumental breaks, Dean gently nudged Castiel's arm as an invitation to sing with him. He thought the song would sound better with two voices, and Dean really loved harmonizing his voice with Castiel's like that.

(Ahhh, that's the annoying thing about time zones D:)

Looking like a bunny caught in headlights, Castiel timidly nodded his head to sing along with Dean. It wasn't as energetic as the last one but Castiel liked singing with Dean. He felt more confident than usual with Dean by his side. He sang softly when the the chorus kicked back in, not too overpowering but just loud enough to combined well with Dean's rugged sound. He focused on Dean as he sang, smiling softly. When the song finished, Castiel ran a hand through his hair, turning his body away from the crowd in hopes to shield himself. Also hoping that by the time he turned around they'd be gone but no luck was found. He took Dean's hand carefully, thinking he might break and tugging him gently back up to where they were sitting to get their bags to leave, seeing as the lunch bell had probably gone a while back and he needed to get back to the sets before rehearsals.

Dean smiled encouragingly at Castiel as the crowd burst into enthusiastic cheers, and the teachers who'd been watching began ushering the students back into the building. Dean was breathless; he couldn't believe they'd just done that, and how many people had been around to watch them. The students lingered nearby, some of them coming up to pat their backs and compliment them, which Dean accepted numbly with a wide smile. He was dazed, and the only thing keeping him together was his grip on Castiel's hand as they walked back over to their bags. The crowd started to disperse a little.

Castiel put the pick in his pocket and held the guitar in his hand and his bag strapped across his shoulder. He held tightly to Dean's hand, his boyfriend looking as out of it as he felt. He felt pleasantly sick, nervous but excited about what they had done. Some of the crowd stayed and offered their compliments which Castiel took without any thought, struggling to register that what they had just done wasn't a dream. He nodded to the girls and they came with them to the art rooms, Castiel glad to get away from the noise for a bit. He kissed Dean's cheek just outside the door. "See you after school in the hall," Castiel smiled.

Dean clung to Castiel a little longer than necessary as they stood outside in the art room, still feeling a little shaky. But it was a good kind of shaky, one that left Dean feeling like his entire body was electrified, and he realized he probably had a crazy look in his eyes. "Holy shit, that was amazing." He murmured, kissing Castiel one more time. "See you for rehearsals later," he said against Castiel's lips, and then backed away with a sigh, trying to calm himself down. He couldn't stop smiling.

Castiel smiled and watched as Dean walked away. Instead of going to art he went to the woodshop class. He was looking for something but he found Sam sitting with a few friends and seeing as he wasn't exactly good with tools he thought he'd ask Sam. He looked a little intimidated, seeing as he was older than Sam he must have looked ridiculous. "Hey, Sam," he smiled shyly, his confidence completely out the window without Dean by his side. "I was wondering if you'd help me with something."

Sam looked up from his project in surprise when he heard Castiel's voice. His face lit up and he set his tools down and smiled widely at Cas. "Hey!" He said excitedly, "I saw you and Dean at lunch. That was really cool, you guys should form a band." Sam had been amazed at his brother's confidence to sing in front of the crowd when he was with Castiel, and it was a side of Dean he'd never seen before. "What can I help you with?" He asked politely, eager to please.

Castiel smiled softly, blushing a little and dipping his head to hide his face. "Thanks." He took the pick out of his jean pocket and held it like it was the most fragile thing in his hand. "I need help making a hole in this. You think you can help me?" he asked hopefully.

Sam rose his eyebrows a little as he processed the odd request. Castiel wanted him to put a hole in a guitar pick. "Uh, sure." He replied, taking it carefully out of Castiel's hand and studying it before looking back up at Castiel. The guitar pick was blue just like his eyes, and Sam grinned a little as he quickly came to a conclusion. Dean was totally sappy enough to buy Cas a guitar pick that matched his eyes, and Castiel was looking at it like it was precious, which only strengthened Sam's theory. He had an idea of what Cas wanted to do with it. "Where do you want the hole?" He asked.

Castiel pointed to the middle at the top of the pick. He intended on wearing it around his neck seeing as Dean had bought him a few. He wanted to have something precious to him that was Dean's and he'd yet to steal one of Dean's hoodies so he figured this would work well. It symbolized there first date, their duet and pretty much everything they stood for and Castiel wanted to wear it everywhere. He handed the pick to Sam carefully and smiled up at him.

Sam smiled in understanding and took the pick over to the drill press. He carefully clamped it down to the base and fixed the smallest drill bit to the machine before carefully lining it up to the spot where the hole would go. He bit his lip in concentration as he turned the machine on and slowly lowered it to the pick to drill a hole in the plastic, and when it was done he took the pick out of the clamp and blew the dust off of it, admiring his handiwork and brushing off a few stray plastic shavings before handing it back to Castiel. "Do you need a string for that?" He asked.

Castiel took the pick and smiled brightly, admiring Sam's handiwork. "Thank you, Sam," he breathed, holding the pick close to his chest. "There's some in art. I'll make it when I get back." He couldn't stop smiling, he was so happy. He looked down at the pick before reaching over to hug Sam. He wasn't sure why but he was really grateful of Sam and everything he'd done to help him and Dean.

Sam smiled softly at Castiel. "No problem," he said lightly, feeling warm inside. He was surprised when Castiel stepped forward and gave him a hug, but Sam quickly relaxed and returned the embrace firmly. Sam didn't know Cas that well, but it wasn't awkward, and he smiled warmly as he hugged the smaller boy.

Castiel stepped away and smiled, dipping his head a little to look down at the pick in his hand. "I'll see you around," he nodded before hurrying out the room before he could get Sam in trouble for keeping him from his lesson for too long. He returned to the art room and found some black cord string that he used to make a necklace for his pick. He tied it around his neck and let it dangle lightly over his heart. He grinned idiotically to himself and set on painting until it was time too head to rehearsals. By the time school ended, he had a black heart painted on his cheek, thanks to Meg and he set of to the hall and waited for Dean.

Dean was nervous for rehearsals. His last class had been right near the music room and the auditorium, so he was waiting around for a few minutes after the bell rang to signal the end of the day. A few other drama people came over and greeted him as they walked into the room, including him in their conversation, and Dean felt a little out of his element but it was nice that these people were accepting and speaking to him despite never having been in drama. Dean was starting to feel like a whole new person.

Castiel walked up to Dean and smiled brightly, slipping his hand into Dean's and standing silently next to him as they waited for everyone to group up. The drama teacher, Mrs Harvelle was walking around and sorting people into groups in order to sort out particular scenes and get more done in one go.

Dean looked at Castiel's face and rolled his eyes affectionately when he saw the heart painted on his cheek. "Cas, that's what coloring books are for." He joked. Mrs. Harvelle called Dean's name, and he and Cas were being pulled over to another group of boys that Dean assumed were the other Jets. He smiled at them a little sheepishly and looked around the room, and then noticed something. Castiel was wearing one of the guitar picks around his neck, right over his heart, and Dean felt his insides turn to mush. He kissed Castiel softly and touched the guitar pick.

Castiel walked with Dean over to met the other jets and he smiled sheepishly. He was a little nervous seeing as he was playing Riff and had to lead the jets with Tony. His mind was momentarily distracted when Dean kissed him and noticed his necklace. "Do I get your approval?" he purred softly with small smile.

Dean smiled. "You already had my approval," he replied, leaning close to kiss him softly again. Ruby made a pretend gagging noise from behind them and Dean grinned and simply deepened the kiss for a moment before pulling away and smirking at her. Ruby was making a mocking kissy face at them and Dean rolled his eyes and blushed a little.

Castiel laughed a little and blushed when Ruby teased them. "You're just jealous you only get to kiss him in a play" he smiled teasingly, blushing a little at his comment and kissing Dean's cheek as he fiddled with his pick. Mrs Harvelle came over with the scripts and handed them each a script. She told Dean and Ruby and the other Tonyy who Castiel didn't know the name of to go practise and work between them the basics for the scene where Tony and Maria promise to leave their families for each other in the back corner of the room whilst Mrs Harvelle help structure the basics for officer Krupke seeing as the set was already painted and sitting by waiting to be used.

(Obviously this isn't how you start a rehearsal but just go with it, I can't write :D)

(Lol I have never been in a rehearsal for any play or anything before so I guess this seems as good as anything... although maybe they should start with a read-through just to start getting their lines? And also I kind of made chuck into a gay drama kid who has a crush on Dean, I don't really know how that happened haha.)

The other Tony came up to Dean and stuck his hand out to shake. "Hi, I'm Chuck. I don't think we've met." Dean shook Chuck's hand and smiled politely. "I'm Dean," He replied, "Nice to meet you." Chuck smiled at him and held onto Dean's hand for a little longer than necessary and Dean felt a strange vibe coming off him, and he cleared his throat and smiled as he pulled his hand back. Chuck looked him up and down. "Congratulations on getting the role, Dean," he said, "I'm sure you'll be a great Tony." Dean shrugged. "Thanks, same to you." They stared at each other for a moment before Dean got too uncomfortable and then smiled politely and looked away.

(WHAT DID YOU DO?! AH, Cas is going to get all jealous and stressed and ahhhsfbnefiehrbn)

Castiel watched as some kid stepped in and talked to his boyfriend. He was probably being paranoid but he didn't like the way that guy was talking to Dean. He fiddled with the guitar pick sub-conciously beefore Mrs. Harvelle was pushing into position to do a read-through with the rest of the jets. For the Officer Krupke number. He kept an eye on Dean, however, not liking the fact he had to leave Dean alone with that guy.

Mrs. Harvelle came over to the group and handed them all a script. "Dean and Chuck, since you are both Tony, I'm going to have you take turns reading scenes and then we'll alternate." Dean took the script from her and looked at it warily. It was heavy and thick and Dean flipped through it, seeing the name "Tony" very frequently. Lots of lines to memorize, and lyrics to sing. He swallowed nervously and glanced up at Chuck, who was looking at Dean with a strange little smile, and Dean blushed and looked away awkwardly, putting his attention back into the script.

(OH MY GOD I DONT KNOW! WE WILL MAKE IT BETTER)

(STOP IT! OH MY GOD)

Castiel grouped up with the jets and took to reading out the script as they worked out where they would stand when they deliver their lines and such. Castiel couldn't stop fiddling with his pick as he worried about Dean. Castiel was jealous when Dean was around women because Dean had always been straight and Castiel was afraid he'd as easily go back but with guys..he didn't worry so much because Dean made him feel like it was just him. Not exactly gay and just for him. Now, however, this guy was walking right under Dean's nose and he felt sick, like he would just steal Dean from him.

(AHHHH NOOOOOOO AFGDFGfgdfngfdg)

Dean decided to just ignore this Chuck guy and focus on the script. He glanced over at Castiel and tried to meet his eyes, but Castiel's head was bent forward as he read his script, but there was a tension to his face and Dean winced slightly and shifted away from Chuck a little bit, bending his head over his script as he started reading the scene. Ruby was reading her lines with a perfect Hispanic accent, and Chuck was reading the scene first. After they finished reading the scene they were all going to get together and begin reading the entire play, except not the songs.

Castiel continued reading through the script and got help from some of the drama kids with certain parts. He managed to read through the script scene easily. He'd seen the movie enough times to know what would be expected of him. It just felt weird actually doing it. He twirled the pick between his fingers, glad Dean had moved away from the boy. Mrs Harvelle brought them together and told them to go through their scripts when they got home and 'Practise, practise, practise.'

Dean was relieved when the rehearsal was over, and he'd read his lines a little awkwardly and really hoped he'd get better at it if he practiced enough. Chuck smiled at Dean in an almost flirtatious way and Dean nodded shortly at him and then walked right over to Castiel, giving him a slightly exasperated look when Chuck wasn't looking. Tomorrow during rehearsal, they were going to do a read through of the play, starting at the beginning and working on entrances, exits, and other stage directions.

Castiel saw the guy still looking at Dean even when he wasn't looking and Castiel panicked and freaked, kissing Dean firmly in hopes of getting the message across to this ass that Dean was HIS. He wrapped his arms around him and nuzzled at his neck. "You doing okay, love?" he asked softly, cupping his cheek when he pulled back a little to look at him.

Dean made a muffled sound of surprise as Castiel kissed him and then grinned when they pulled apart a little. Although Chuck kind of creeped him out, at least it had gotten a good reaction out of Castiel. "Better now, thanks," he murmured, sliding his hands around Castiel's waist and looking into his beautiful eyes. "How are you?" He asked quietly.

"A little freaked out," Castiel said honestly with a small laugh. He kissed Dean's jaw before moving away to look down at the pick and smile. He rolled up the script and put it in his bag, pulling up the strap to carry his bag. He smiled up at Dean with bright eyes. "I'm going home, I'll see you tomorrow." Castiel kissed Dean again before leaving to his motorcycle to ride home.

Dean smiled when he saw Castiel look down at the pick, and smiled knowingly. "I love this," he said, reaching to touch the pick dangling on Castiel's chest softly. "It brings out your eyes." He blushed a little and then kissed Castiel's cheek one more time. "I'll see you tomorrow, baby." He said with a soft smile.

Castiel went home and headed up straight to his room, taking out the script and highlighting his parts. He swallowed when he noticed how much there was. Maybe not as much as Dean or Ruby but for him this was massive. He bit his lip worryingly but took a deep breath and thought of it like studying for a test so worked through it in that sense of mind, finding it easier to block out the nagging thoughts in his head.


	16. Chapter 16

After school, Dean drove home with Sam, who looked way too pleased with himself, and Dean just rose an eyebrow at him. "Why are you so happy?" He asked in a tired voice. Dean was exhausted; the day had really taken its toll on him, with the little concert during lunch and the first rehearsal. Sam just smirked at him. "You and Cas need to get married," he said playfully, and Dean blushed and grinned. "Seriously, though." Sam continued. "He came into the woodshop room during my class and asked me to drill a hole in a blue guitar pick which I assume you got for him, and he said he was going to make a necklace out of it. Not to mention you guys are awesome at singing, that thing during lunch was really great." Dean smiled over at Sam in disbelief. "He asked _you_ to drill a hole in it?" He repeated in surprise, knowing how shy Castiel was and the fact that he didn't know Sam all that well. Sam nodded with a smile. "And then he hugged me. It was a little weird, but he seemed really happy. I think he loves you, Dean." Dean blushed deeper and turned his attention back to the road. "Yeah, well, I love him, too." He said softly, a small smile playing at the edges of his lips. Sam looked at Dean for a moment longer with a happy smile on his face and then turned to gaze out the windshield.

Castiel sat in his room, practising the lines as best to his ability as he grew accustom to speaking them aloud and emoting instead of just mouthing along to the movie. He thought he was doing okay but it would be easier when he had the drama kids around to help him out. He thought about that kid that looked on the verge of chatting up Dean and he felt sick. They were both Tony and that meant that they would be spending a lot more time together and Castiel began to worry if something would happen. He trusted Dean with hi life, it was this drama kid he was worried about.

When they got home, John's car was in the driveway, which was a little odd considering it was a weekday and John usually didn't get home until 5. Dean made sure his script was carefully tucked away in his backpack before heading into the house with Sam. Sam gave him a serious look before they walked through the front door, and Dean nodded shortly back at him, their secret code for saying that they were a team and Sam would back him up no matter what.

(Oh God, what are you about to do? D:)

Castiel lay on his bed, emoting to Amber. She didn't seem to impressed by his acting skills. "Well what do you know, you're a cat." Amber just looked at him and Castiel sighed. This was hopeless. He couldn't do any more until he got the drama kids to tell him what he needed to improve. He flopped down on the bed with a sigh a decided to take a nap after the exhausting day he'd had.

(I have no idea, this is writing itself now and it's out of my control sdlkjfskdjf)

Dean sighed and put on a neutral face as he and Sam walked casually into the house, and they walked into the kitchen to find John sitting at the table with a half-empty beer in his hand. He looked up at them when they entered the room, and his gaze immediately focused on Dean with an intensity that made Dean swallow nervously. "You'd home early," Sam commented lightly, but Dean knew him well enough to sense the false cheeriness of his tone and the underlying tension. John ignored Sam and continued looking at Dean calculatingly. "I got a call from the school today," He said, his tone giving nothing away, and Dean panicked but tried to keep calm. He had no idea what John was about to say, only that whatever it was could be life-changing and ruin everything he'd carefully constructed to protect his secret. "Oh?" He asked, trying to sound nonchalant as he wandered over to the fridge and looked into it absently. He could feel both Sam and John looking at him, and he tried to control his demeanor. He could be in very big trouble. John continued speaking, his tone commanding Dean to meet his eyes. "One of your teachers, Mrs. Harvelle, I think her name was, rang me up at the garage today and started going on about how impressed she was by your_talents_." Dean's eyes widened and he felt numb. "Uh.." he started, but John kept going. "She said she's amazed by your voice and unexpected audition for West Side Story." There was a long moment of silence, and Dean sagged in defeat. "Since when are you a singer?" He spat out the word as if it disgusted him, and Dean knew that John's idea of a teenage boy wasn't into singing and acting, he was supposed to enjoy sports and girls and other masculine things, and Dean sighed. "Since last week," He muttered, and then Sam came to his defense. "He's really good," Sam said hopefully, desperate to help his brother, and Dean gave him a thankful glance.

(Ahh, whatever you are about to do. STOP IT. You are going to have me crying and screaming at this in a minute.)

Castiel awoke around dinner time and slumped out of bed and washed up for dinner. He dressed in something his father would approve of, seeing as dinner was something of respect and treated highly in their family. He went down the stairs to see the top of his father's head already sat down at the table. "Sorry, I'm late. I got lost in my studies and-" Castiel's words were cut short when he was greeted with not just his father but Mr. Mcleod and Mr. Singer sitting at the table with his mother. His father gave him a warm smile that made Castiel stomach twist, "There you are champ, we were just about to start without you." Castiel raised an eyebrow and looked at his mom who just gave a slight nod as if to go alone with it. From what Castiel could tell, his father was brown nosing his new client into liking him. Inviting him to dinner and pretending to be totally fine with his homosexuality. The fact that Mr Singer was watching him like a hawk was a little unsettling and it freaked him out to know that pretty much everyone at this table knew about him and Dean and what they'd been doing with their singing..apart from his father. He sat next to his mom and swallowed thickly, running a hand through his hair and managing to hide his guitar pick just before his father had a chance to question it. Crowley raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. "Glad to see you back to health, Cassie. Was beginning to wonder if you could even handle a good scotch." Crowley purred, twirling the wine in his glass slowly. "That's what that was? I thought it was cat's piss." Castiel said, apparently in a bit of a bitchy mood for not having been warned about this. His father hissed at him for using such rude words but Crowley just smirked. "Then I greatly fear for that Amber of yours," Crowley chuckled. Castiel was silent for a moment before understanding his meaning and laughed too. His father in no way pleased with his behaviour but glad to see Crowley was in good spirits.

(I AM SO SORRY D: don't worry, I don't want to do anything too bad just yet. but omg you're doing an awkward family dinner with Crowley and Bobby and ldigoasidigjafig. Is Balthazar still staying with Michael?)

Dean tried not to cringe under John's hard, suspicious gaze, and the tension filling the room was thick enough to slice with a knife. He had no idea what John knew. If Mrs. Harvelle had told John about Cas, then they were completely screwed and in so much trouble Dean was terrified. He stared back at his dad, bracing himself for whatever was coming next, but John just shook his head in confusion. "Dean, I don't know what you're playing at, but I don't like it. You don't need to be up on a stage dressed like a queer and prancing around while singing. I won't have you embarrassing yourself like this." Dean felt a rush of anger at his words, and was tempted to snap something at his dad, but Sam stepped in quickly and placed himself in front of Dean. "I've heard him, Dad. He didn't get the lead role for nothing, he's a really talented singer." Dean breathed out slowly, trying to calm himself down even as he glowered at his dad from over Sam's shoulder. John rose his eyebrows challengingly. "Really." He said in mocking disbelief. "Show us, then. Go on, Dean. Show us how good of a singer you really are." Dean glared at his dad and fisted his hands at his side, nearly exploding with rage, and Sam stepped a little closer to him.

(AHHHHHHH WHAT?! ! This is so good are you trying to kill me...I think we'll just assume Balthazar is still there..there's so many characters it's just easier to keep him there for now.)

His family and Mr. Singer and Mr. McLeod, all sat in uncomfortable silence as they ate. Castiel could see Mr. Singer wanting to say something but not wanting to upset the obvious tension between Castiel and his father. It was obvious to everyone BUT his father that this was not how they behaved with each other. You could see the amount of strain it took for his father to even smile at him. Thankfully, his mom saved him. "How was school, sweetheart?" she asked with a genuine smile. "It was alright. I've been painting the sets for the school musical in art class." It was an innocent enough answer that Castiel soon regretted mentioning. "You better not be wasting your own time for this, I don't want your grades slipping." Which, to Castiel was a joke considering how bad his brother's grades were. His father was only being hard on him because of who he was not because he wanted him to succeed. Crowley being Crowley, butted in and putting his father down. "Oh I love a musical, which one are they doing?" Castiel smiled gratefully. "West Side Story." Castiel answered, a little too quickly. Bobby looked at him knowingly but Castiel looked away awkwardly. "I always like a good murder," Crowley hummed in approval, taking a sip of wine. "Always gives a show a bit of a kick." Mrs Novak pitched in again, "I was in West Side Story when I was younger, played Maria." Crowley smiled, intrigued, "Who was your Tony?" Mrs Novak looked over at Mr. Novak with a knowing smile and looked deadly at Castiel silently telling him 'Not. A. Word.' before changing the subject to something Castiel wasn't paying attention to. His father had been a singer. A dancer. An actor! And he'd been giving him shit for it, he couldn't believe it. He wasn't sure whether to laugh or throw up the last 17 years of repressed emotions and memories.

(OH MGHMT GODTDSA You made Mr. Novak such a goddamn hypocrite! AHHH This is so fucking good. Everything is so complex, I love it.)

Dean felt like this was the breaking point. After everything he'd put up with lately, most of having to do with his dad, he'd had enough of this shit. He pushed Sam aside and strode over to his father, standing over him angrily as John was still sitting down. Sam let out a nervous little groan and Dean ignored it, focusing all of his anger and frustration on John. John stood up then and stared Dean down as they watched each other closely. Dean had never gotten into a physical fight with his father, and he was barely restraining the urge to do so. He had no right to talk to Dean like that, and he wasn't going to humiliate himself by following his dad's orders and singing in front of him on demand. He lifted his chin, gaze unwavering, and said in a low, controlled voice through clenched teeth, "I'm not the one who's embarrassed, _dad_." He spit the word out, emphasizing the fact that John wasn't acting like a father should, and it hurt more than Dean would allow himself to show. "I'm proud of myself and I don't care what you think." He stared defiantly at his father, and he really should have expected the slap to the face. John hit him backhanded across the face, the force and shock of it knocking Dean to the ground, and Sam hurried over and stepped in front of Dean to protect him, and Dean struggled to a sitting position, holding a hand to his face as he spit out blood where his teeth had cut into his lip.

(AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HH...okay..I'm done. I'm just DONE)

Castiel didn't listen to much that had been said at dinner after finding out about his father. The man who had scrutinized everything Castiel did. Every breath he took that Castiel had grown up fearing the world. Afraid to show himself for who he really was because the way his father had brought him up, making him think it wasn't okay. That everything he did would disappoint him no matter how hard he tried to please him and he had tried DAMN hard. He didn't realize his father was talking to him until everyone was staring at him expectantly. "I-I'm sorry?" he said, trying to grip to reality. His father looked annoyed but repeated the question. "I asked you about the guitar pick, son." The word son sounding ground out and bitter. Castiel looked down to see the guitar pick had managed to sit above his shirt again. Shit. "It's to represent..." he could have said something, anything that would stop his father from asking follow up questions but he felt after finding out about his father's musical days he couldn't give two shits what the guy thought. "It's too celebrate my role in the musical." Mrs Novak broke out into a wide smile. "I'm going to be Riff and I'm going to dance and I'm going to enjoy it." His father's face clouded with fury and Castiel closed his eyes, expecting the inevitable but nothing happened a slight jingle of cutlery and Castiel peered his eye open to see what had happened. His mother was holding Mr. Novak's raised arm in both of her hands, stopping him from leaning over and striking Castiel. She had witnessed her child suffer enough and after what happened with Gabriel she would not stand for it anymore. This wasn't the man she knew, the man she loved. He seemed to have died years ago and she'd stuck by him regardless to raise their children, give them two loving parents and a caring home. Now her children had grown up and were moving on, her patients was wearing thin with him. Mr Novak stared at her in disbelief, "You dare stand up to me," his voice raised and Castiel was scared, truly scared that his mother would be hurt. "I want you to leave," she demanded, slamming her wedding ring down on the table. Mr Novak's anger boiled and his hand struck her cheek hard. stood up and slammed his father against the wall by the throat, clearly hate seeing a woman being mistreated. "She asked you to leave." insisted in a scarily calm voice. Mr Novak, struggled for breath but managed to push away and glare at those around him before storming off.

(SORRY I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING)

(SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT AJAHHSDGADSJGDFJGJDFGKADFKGS KADFGLASEWTOQ#$%I^ $%I^YJSRWTGKFKDDFG FUCK! YOU ARE KILLING ME HERE! FGFDHDFF)

"Don't touch him," Sam growled, and Dean couldn't see his face from his position on the floor but the pure hatred and menace in his voice was so unnatural and unlike Sam that it scared Dean a little, and he shuffled back a little and rose to his feet shakily, staring uncertainly between Sam and John. All three of them were tensed in preparation for somebody else to make a move, and the room was silent except for their breathing. This was their family, broken as it was, and it was Dean's fault for breaking it up even more. Shooting one more glare at his dad, Dean stepped forward and took Sam's arm. Sam flinched and tried to pull away, but Dean tightened his grip and pulled Sam back roughly. "Leave it, Sammy." He commanded, not tearing his eyes away from John. Sam looked at Dean, nostrils flaring with righteous anger and then nodded in defeat, but not before glaring at John again. John walked slowly over to the trash can and threw his beer bottle in it roughly before striding past them to the door. He left and slammed the door shut, and Dean didn't move or let go of Sam's arm until he heard the engine of his dad's car start and drive away. He didn't know where his dad was going, but for now Dean was just glad he was gone. He let go of Sam and staggered unsteadily over to the chair his dad had left and sat down heavily, staring at the floor in shock as his face began to throb. Sam was crouching in front of him in an instant, gentle hands tilting his head so he could get a better look at the damage, and Dean sighed and tried to brush Sam's hands away. "I'm fine," he insisted tiredly. "Just leave me alone." Sam frowned and shook his head. "No way," he said, standing up to get a clean washcloth from the kitchen drawer and wetting it with cold water before coming back and pressing it against Dean's split lip and bruised cheekbone. Dean hissed in pain and tried to draw away but Sam held his head still and continued gently tending to Dean's face. "Thanks, Sammy," Dean mumbled, not meeting his eyes. Sam nodded sadly, and they fell into a deep silence for a moment. "Dean, what's going to happen?" Sam asked then, his voice small and shaky, and suddenly the roles were reversed back to the way Dean was used to, the older brother comforting the younger one. He took Sam's other hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "Everything will be okay," He soothed. "I'll figure something out, don't worry, Sammy."

Mr. Singer stood back, not wanting to intrude as Castiel tended to his mother's side. was a reserved man but he stood in when need be and Castiel had so much respect for him. He shot him a thankful smile for helping get rid of his father. Castiel helped his mom back into her chair and held her loosely as she let out a shaky breath, trembling from the adrenaline of doing something she'd been wanting to do for years. Crowley pulled a small flask out of his suit and handed it to her. Castiel could smell whatever it was from where he was sat and made a face but stole a swig, deciding he needed a kick too. Crowley grinned taking the flask back once they'd both had a little drink for the nerves. "Thank you, Bobby," Mrs Novak smiled shakily, squeezing Bobby's hand. Bobby nodded with a concerned smile. Crowley stood up and squeezed Castiel's shoulder. "I think a little drink may be required, wouldn't you say?" Crowley said, the voice of reason. Mrs Novak sighed, "Oh God, yes." They all moved into the main room with the couch and comfy chairs and Castiel broke into his father's liquor cabinet and found the strongest whiskey he could find and poured everyone a glass. Mr. Singer didn't look to pleased to see a young boy drink but Crowley poked him when he saw the look on his face and told him to stop being a boring old fart. Castiel smirked and curled up with his mother on the couch, holding her hand as she continued to shake with nerves. Castiel text Dean, to let him know what was going on. 'My mom just kicked my father out so I won't be able to talk much tonight. I love you. Xx'

Once the bleeding had stopped and Dean's lip was just a swollen, throbbing mess, he took the bloody cloth from Sam and tentatively pressed it against his face, urging Sam to step back and stop fussing over him. Dean started to worry about where John had gone, but it wasn't entirely unusual for the man to storm out of the house and disappear for a few hours. He was probably just going to a bar, but Dean couldn't help but worry about just how much his dad knew. There was still the dinner this weekend, and Dean wasn't sure if there was even a point to it anymore, but he'd decided whether or not to do that when he figured out how much John knew. If John suspected he was gay, then he probably wouldn't buy the story of Cassie, so Dean would just wait and see. He sighed shakily and stood up, brushing his shoulder against Sam's as he walked by and went over to the freezer and grabbed a few ice cubes, which he wrapped up in the washcloth and then pressed to his face gingerly. His phone vibrated and Dean nervously took it out of his pocket, and when he read the message he groaned and sat down heavily on the couch in the living room. "Jesus." He muttered. This was getting too big. Castiel's mom kicked his dad out of the house. Was it permanent or temporary? Was there a big fight? Dean couldn't deal with this. Everything was falling apart. Sam came in and frowned in concern. "What?" He asked, and Dean handed him the phone. Sam's eyebrows went up to his hairline and his mouth opened slightly before handing it back to Dean. "Shit," he said quietly, and sat down beside Dean, warm and solid and reassuring against Dean's side, and Dean has never been more grateful for his little brother. Dean texted back, "are you and your mom okay? im here if you need me" He knew Cas said he probably wouldn't be able to talk, but if Cas needed him to come over for any reason Dean was more than willing to do so. He couldn't imagine what his boyfriend and his mom must be going through right now.

(Okay this is getting silly but who gives a fuck it's soooooo good. :D The crowley bit by the way is something we talked about a while back, saying that Crowley could get Dean and Castiel to sing for like a party or something so i through in a subtle hint towards that too. )

Castiel quickly sent a text back, 'Mr. Singer and Mr McLeod are here, they were round for dinner and stopped anything from getting too bad. I'm sorry to just put that on you. If you want to come over, you're welcome to. We're having drinks and stuff. Xx' Castiel leaned back in the couch and Mrs Novak, brushed his hair back and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "So, you're going to be Riff?" she asked with a soft smile, clearly focussing on something good to help calm her nerves. Castiel smiled back. "Yeah, I auditioned with Dean to get him through his nerves and I just got the part, I guess." he laughed a little. Mr. Singer was nursing his whiskey when he pitched in, "Your son was singin' at lunch today. You got some talent, kid." Castiel blushed and smiled a little. Crowley raised an eyebrow. "What about this boyfriend of yours, Dean. He sing?" Crowley asked curiously. "Oh he's the best," Castiel smiled warmly, twirling the pick in his hand, close to his chest. Crowley hummed as if considering something but didn't say anything. Castiel sipped at the whiskey, breathing deeply as he tried to force himself to calm down. He felt scared but at the same time he could not be happier. His father was gone. He could be himself and not be afraid. This was a new chance for him. He could be free.

(Oh yes. I am loving this :3)

Dean and Sam sat in silence on the couch. The room had gotten dark with the time that had passed, and the relative peace was interrupted by Dean's phone going off again, and he read the message from Castiel and then looked at Sam uncertainly. "I think I'm gonna go over to Cas' house," he told his brother carefully, "I don't know how long I'll be out, will you be okay here by yourself when Dad gets back?" Sam's expression hardened at the mention of John, and then he nodded. "I can handle it," he said firmly. Dean sighed and looked at Sam sadly. Since their mother had died, John hadn't been the greatest father and Dean had pretty much taught Sam everything he needed to know about life. He was more of a father than John ever was to Sam, and a fierce surge of love and protectiveness flooded over Dean. He wrapped Sam in a tight hug, the angle awkward because of how they were sitting on the couch. "Sam, don't start a fight with him, understand? This has nothing to do with you and I don't want you getting hurt." Sam backed away and gave Dean a look of protest. "Dean, this has everything to do with me. Dad hit you, you expect me to just let that go?" Dean smiled sadly at his little brother. He was so devoted and caring and Dean loved him so much. "Sammy." He said quietly. "Please stay out of his way. I'll deal with this later, okay?" Sam gazed at him with a troubled expression and then nodded reluctantly. Dean ruffled his hair and stood up, handing the makeshift ice pack to Sam and gingerly touching his swollen, bruised face. He didn't know how bad it looked, but he didn't really want to see. Right now, Cas needed him and he needed Cas, and there was nowhere else he wanted to be. "Thank you, Sam." he said, "I mean it. You're the best brother anyone could ask for." He texted Cas to let him know he would be there in a few minutes and then went outside to his car and drove away.

Castiel sighed and visibly relaxed when Dean said he was coming over, he needed him right now and he felt a bit guilty for making him drop whatever he was doing just to come over here but he really needed his Dean. There was only so many times he could play with the pick to try and get the same effect. He looked up at his mom and gave a slightly sheepish expression. He hadn't asked if he could come over and he felt a bit guilty for it. "I, uh, I asked for Dean to come over. I hope you don't mind." Castiel whispered. Mrs Novak smiled, "Of course I don't. I'd like to meet him properly." She'd only met him when he came over to help Castiel when Gabriel almost killed him. She also wanted to talk to them about the play, something to focus her mind on. Dean was good for Castiel and seeing her son happy would make her more confident that she'd done the right thing by kicking her husband out.

Dean slowed down as he neared the Novaks' house, but then decided to just park in the driveway since there was another unfamiliar car there so his own car wouldn't attract too much attention. He walked up to the door and knocked a few times, waiting anxiously on the porch. He had no idea what he was going to find inside the house. He knew Mr. Singer and this Crowley guy were there, and Dean was a little nervous to meet them outside of school, and he also had no idea what the emotional state of Castiel and Mrs. Novak was right now.

Castiel heard the faint knock and squeezed his mom's hand before excusing himself to open the door, whiskey still in hand. He answered the door and almost dropped the glass. "Oh, Dean," he breathed. He gave Dean the glass, thinking he needed it more than he did by the state of his face. He bit his lip nervously, worrying Castiel asking Dean to come over had caused this to happen. He knew Dean's dad had temper, maybe he wasn't happy about Dean leaving. "What happened?" he whispered, ushering him inside and resting a hand on his good cheek.

Dean sighed in relief when Castiel answered the door, just the sight of him making Dean feel more relaxed. He took a grateful swig of the whiskey and then wrapped his free hand around Castiel's neck, pressing their foreheads together. "My dad knows about the musical," he explained quietly, leaning into Castiel's soft touch and stepping forward so he could close the door behind him. "He didn't like the sound of me dressing up in a costume and dancing around on stage while singing, apparently," he said bitterly, backing away to take another sip of the strong whiskey. It burned down his throat and settled warmly in his stomach.

Castiel bit his lip, wincing at the sight of Dean's split lip. "I'll get you some ice," he issued, taking Dean by the hand and into the kitchen. He put a few ice cubes into a cloth and placed it carefully over Dean's cheekbone. "My father knows too," he whispered. "He tried to hit me but my mom took the hit and kicked him out, guess that was the last straw really." He took a deep breath and smiled a little, "I'm just glad Crowley and Mr Singer were here to keep things from getting out of hand. I don't think we'd have been able to hand him on our own." He took Dean by the hand and led him into the living room, sitting him down at the end of the couch and keeping the cloth to Dean's cheekbone carefully.

(If you could be Bobby, that be great..I don't really have anything planned but you just do a better Bobby than me and then that means the characters are spread a bit more evenly.

(Of course! It wouldn't be fair for you to have to write 4 characters, but you're really good at writing Mrs. Novak and Crowley)

Dean held the ice to his cheek and nervously followed Castiel into the living room and then sat down, letting Castiel fuss over him as he looked around sheepishly. It was very strange to see the gruff Chemistry teacher outside of school, and Dean recognized the man beside him as Crowley. "Hi," he said, looking around awkwardly at everyone. Mr. Singer frowned and stood up, walking over to Dean, and Dean watched warily as Mr. Singer gently removed Castiel's hand with the cloth from his face and turned Dean's head to get a better look at the damage. "Your Daddy do this to you?" He asked, his voice a concerned growl, and Dean nodded reluctantly. Mr. Singer knew John somewhat, and Dean really hoped that Mr. Singer wouldn't mention this to him. "Please don't bring it up to him," he pleaded quietly.

Mrs Novak saw Dean and smiled, biting her lip when Bobby moved Dean's head so she could see the marks across his cheek. She was about to kick into mothering mode but looked over at her son and knew Dean would be okay. He had his own somebody to look after him so she sat back and let Castiel help him. Castiel looked up at Mr. Singer and swallowed thickly, clearly they knew each other more than Castiel knew and he felt like bringing Dean here had made things worse but looking up at Mr. Singer all he saw was a caring concerned look. Castiel poured them both another drink and handed one to Dean, wrapping his arm around him to keep him close. Crowley slipped his hand into Bobby's and tugged it lightly to get him to sit back down and not crowd the kid.

Dean snuggled closer to Castiel's side and looked down into his drink dazedly. This whole situation was incredibly weird and Dean felt like he was dreaming. The whiskey was warming him a bit, and he felt his muscles relax and he melted into Castiel. He smiled gratefully at Mr. Singer and watched as Crowley tugged on his hand, which would never not be weird but whatever, Dean could get used to the idea. "Thanks," he mumbled, to everyone. He met Mrs. Novak's eyes and saw the red mark on his cheek where she'd been hit, and then he frowned at her. "Are you alright?"

(OMG I wrote 'food for her boy' instead of 'good for her boy' and I can't stop laughing!)

Mrs Novak chuckled, placing a light hand on Dean's arm. "Sweetheart, I've never felt better." She liked Dean, he was sweet and considerate and he was good for her boy. And it was true, she hadn't felt this happy and stress-free in a long time. Her son was safe and her husband was no longer her burden. She was free. Castiel sipped at his whiskey, grateful for the instant relaxing feeling that settled in his stomach. Castiel put the icepack back up to Dean's face, not liking the colour it was turning. "Is Sam going to be okay, with your dad?" Castiel asked worryingly.

Dean smiled in relief at Mrs. Novak's reaction and then tipped his head a little and winced as Castiel put the icepack on his face again. "He'll be fine," Dean replied softly, already starting to feel a little bit tipsy from the whiskey. He sipped some more and relished the warm burn of it in his belly. "After the confrontation my dad just left. I don't know where he went, probably to a bar or something," he murmured, "Sammy's all right." He took the icepack away from his swollen cheekbone and placed Castiel's hand there instead. His skin was cold from holding the ice and it felt a million times better than the ice.

Castiel sighed softly, letting Dean move his hand and cup his cheek carefully. Crowley let out a loud sigh, "Bloody hell, it's like watching puppies how to dance." Mrs. Novak chuckled, waving a hand at him to tell him to behave but his comment did lighten her mood. Crowley chugged his drink and poured another, "A little birdie tells me you're quite the singer, Dean." Castiel brightened up kissing, Dean's temple.

Dean blushed and hid his face in Castiel's neck. Mr. Singer confirmed Crowley's statement, "I heard 'em at school today," He told Crowely, "I have to say I'm impressed. They just stood right up and started makin' music and kids gathered around and just listened. Never seen anything like it." He turned to Dean and Castiel with a proud smile and scratched his beard. Dean looked up and bit his lip, feeling shy from the compliment from his chemistry teacher. "Well, Cas taught himself how to play guitar," he said, not wanting to be the center of attention. He smiled at Cas and kissed him quickly on the lips.

"That's not what he asked," Castiel chuckled, blushing in embarrassment. Crowley smirked in amusement, he leaned forward on his knees, looking over at Bobby for a moment. "How would you boys like to make some money?" Castiel looked at him, a little confused. Crowley continued, "Little party coming up, could do with some fresh talent fronting the show. What do you say?" Castiel looked up at Dean, excited and a little unsure. He pressed a kiss to his jaw tenderly, telling him he'd support him whatever he wanted to do.

Dean raised his eyebrows in interest as he looked between Crowley and Castiel, a smile forming on his face. He looked at Castiel and murmured, "Do you want to?" With an excited grin. If Cas said yes, Dean would definitely do it. He kissed Castiel again, even though everyone was looking at them expectantly, but he wasn't embarrassed to kiss Castiel anymore when nobody commented on it. Mr. Singer was gazing at them with a small smile, and he nodded approvingly at Crowley. "I think that would be great," Bobby said to them.

"Well it better bloody be, it's your freaking party." Crowley said with a fond grin. He turned to Mrs Novak with a charming smile. "And you my dear, I expect to be there looking as gorgeous as ever." Mrs Novak's lips spread into a smile and she was so happy to have friends like Crowley to cheer her up. "I'll be there, sweetie, especially if my boy's performing." Castiel grinned, "Then I guess that settles it then." Castiel finished his drink with a lazy grin and pressed the ice gently back against Dean's cheek.

Dean sighed contentedly. Somehow, this was nice. It was possibly the strangest combination of people Dean had ever been in the same room with at once, but nobody was judging anybody and it was comfortable. Dean could be himself here, not having to worry about his Dad finding out. This was a safe place, and he was warm and happy from the alcohol. He smiled sappily at Cas without even realizing how idiotic he probably looked, but he didn't care.

Castiel poured himself another drink. Mrs Novak smirked fondly, "Cassie." Her tone slightly warning him to take it easy but Castiel just smirked and took a big gulp, grinning at his mom. Mrs Novak reached over and tussled his hair. Castiel leant his head against Dean's chest, fiddling with the pick. Mrs Novak sighed deeply, running a hand through her hair. "Thank you boys," she said to Bobby and Crowley for helping her at dinner. "I appreciate your help."

Dean rested his cheek on the top of Castiel's head and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, keeping him close. He finished his whiskey and resigned himself to a hangover the next day, not even caring how much trouble it was going to get him into with his father. He'd deal with that tomorrow. Now, though, Dean just wanted to get drunk. He hardly ever had alcohol, and when he did it was just a few of his dad's beers when he was feeling stressed out, but he'd never had whiskey before and it was stronger than he expected. He closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of Castiel's shampoo. He couldn't even feel the pain in his face anymore.

Bobby gazed at the boys with a soft smile, and then met Mrs. Novak's eyes. "I don't know your husband very well and I don't know your relationship with him, but I'm telling you you did the right thing. No man should ever lay a hand on a lady."

Castiel closed his eyes and held onto his drink, taking sips every so often. He felt warm and comfy with the alcohol numbing his senses and Dean wrapped around him. Crowley leaned back in his chair, smiling fondly at his husband for what he did. Mrs Novak, smiled a little sadly. It wasn't exactly the first time she'd been caught in the wrath of her husband's fury but she'd put up with it for the sake of her boys. They needed a mother, she couldn't just leave and back then she didn't feel strong enough to kick him out. Castiel noticed the hesitance in her look and reached for her hand over Dean squeezing it reassuringly before letting go. He finished his second, possibly third drink of whiskey and closed his eyes as he curled up against Dean, feeling sleepy.

Dean chuckled as he watched Castiel finish yet another glass of whiskey. "Great, I've got an alcoholic for a boyfriend." He teased fondly, wondering how he was ever going to manage to pry himself loose so he could go home. But on the other hand, maybe he didn't have to go home, since he was drunk and it obviously wasn't safe to drive while intoxicated. Dean's head was spinning and he felt tiredly content and giddy at the same time. "You boys better not make a habit of this," Bobby said, referring to the drinking.

"No, sir, " Castiel promised, opening his eyes to look at Mr. Singer. He was trying to be serious but he couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face. Crowley rolled his eyes, "What would life be without a little drink, eh Bobby?" Castiel nodded enthusiastically and looked up at Dean with a grin, booping his nose once with his finger affectionately. Mrs Novak smiled fondly at the two boys and she offered, "You're welcome to stay, Dean." She didn't want him driving home like this and she wasn't exactly sober enough herself to drive. Plus seeing his bruised face she didn't like the sound of sending the teen home to an angry father. Castiel nodded but looked a little concerned, "Would Sammy be okay?"

Dean smiled in relief when Mrs. Novak invited him to stay. He was in no mood to go home right now, and his dad wouldn't be happy if he found out Dean had been drinking. Dean giggled when Cas called his brother 'Sammy', and interpreted it as an extension of Castiel's trust towards Sam. He did feel a little guilty leaving Sam there alone to deal with their father, but it was probably best that Dean stay away from him until things had cooled down. "He'll be fine," he replied, grinning down at Castiel and pressing a lazy kiss to his cheek before looking up at Mrs. Novak. "Are you sure it's okay if I stay here tonight?"

Castiel looked over at his mom with big pleading eyes, and his mom giggled. "Of course, it is sweetheart. As long as you and your brother are both safe you're always welcome." Castiel's features softened and he snuggled up against Dean's chest again. He tried ignoring the fact that his father's client and his chemistry teacher were just causally drinking scotch on the chairs opposite him. This night had felt odd enough. Crowley looked at his watch and looked over to Bobby, "We should be going, pet." He looked over at Mrs Novak who had calmed down immensely thanks to alcohol but still looked concerned. "Will you be alright?" Mrs Novak nodded, biting her lip, "Don't worry about me, dear. If he comes back I'll call the cops."

Dean sighed and smiled at Mrs. Novak's warm words. Castiel was so lucky to have such a caring, gentle mother. "Thank you," he said quietly, drawing Castiel closer against him and drinking in the warmth he emitted. He relaxed into the couch and closed his eyes again, feeling like he was floating. Bobby rolled his eyes in fond exasperation at the embarrassing pet name, but stood up and placed his hand on the small of his husband's back. "If you need anything, feel free to call us." Bobby said to Mrs. Novak. He turned to Dean and Castiel then, smiling softly at the sight of the two boys curled up together on the couch. "You idjits better stay home tomorrow," He told them, "Don't want any hungover students in my chemistry class."

Castiel looked up at Mr. Singer with a smile. "Yes, sir. Dean wouldn't be much different anyhow. He'd still manage to find a way to blow up the lab, sober or not," Castiel grinned teasingly, laughing quietly to himself against Dean's chest. Mrs Novak stood and smiled down at Dean and Castiel and looked over at Crowley and Bobby, "I'll show you out," she said politely but Crowley stopped her and kissed her cheek. "I think I'm perfectly capable of locating a door, my dear. You put your feet up and have a good night." Mrs Novak nodded a little and sat back down with a smile. Crowley nodded to Dean and Castiel, "Night, boys." And with that Bobby and Crowley left and made their way back home.

When Crowley and Bobby left, the house grew quiet again, smoothing out with that calm feeling of family and solitude that came after guests left. Dean and Cas were still cuddled up to each other on the sofa, and Mrs. Novak sat on the other end of the sofa with them. It was peaceful, and Dean felt more relaxed than he'd ever thought he would feel in the presence of his boyfriend's mother. He supposed that was a good thing, because she seemed to approve of Dean and he felt comfortable here. He grinned against Castiel's hair and teased back a few moments later, "I wouldn't blow up the lab, dumbass. Someone would stop me, and that's what you're there for."

Castiel rolled his eyes affectionately, "What am I going to do with you?" He chuckled, placing his and Dean's empty glasses on the coffee table and wrapped his arms around Dean properly. Mrs Novak stood from the couch and gave a small, warm smile. "I'll leave you boys to it. Sleep well, sweethearts." Mrs Novak went up the stairs for a show and some much needed sleep. Castiel took the opportunity to sneak in an extra shot of whiskey, humming at the numb warmth it brought him. He turned back to Dean, cupping his good cheek. "I'm so sorry, for what your dad did to you. You and Sammy deserve better."

Dean took the glass from Castiel and poured some more into it before drinking it himself. He sighed tiredly and shifted so he was kind of laying down and pulled Castiel on top of him. He stroked his hand through Castiel's hair and closed his eyes at the soft touch of Castiel's hand on his cheek. " 's okay," He mumbled, "My dad's just been fucked up since Mom died and he has these stupid ideals of what teenage boys are supposed to be like. The two things mixed together sometimes result in violence."

Castiel smiled sadly, pressing his lips to Dean's jaw softly. His fingertips tracing lightly over Dean's bruised cheekbone. "I know what that's like," he muttered. "But the thing that makes me sick is my father is nothing but a dirty liar. Turns out he was Tony when he was my age. That's how he met my mom, 'cause she was Maria." He shook his head, leaning against Dean's chest so he couldn't see his face. "17 years, he's made me feel like a piece of shit. Everything I'd do wouldn't be good enough for him and it's all because he has some fucked up issues about his own past that he doesn't want his own blood to experience the same 'wrong' path."

Dean's eyebrows rose in shock. "What the hell?" He demanded. "Jesus. You're dad's a total shit head," he said with feeling, not even bothering to hesitate to hide his opinions. He knew Cas wouldn't be offended. "That's just messed up. What an asshole. I'm glad your mom kicked him out." He pulled Castiel closer and cradled his head against his chest. It was painful to think about, but Dean had questions. "When did your parents find out you were gay?" He asked gently, wondering if that was the main reason for Mr. Novak's hatred.

Castiel held onto Dean tightly, as he took a deep breath before telling Dean about his past. "I've never really not been gay, I guess," he shrugged. "Probably found out properly about five years ago..you know when you become a teen and you start seeing other people in that way. But even before then I think they knew. I never really liked sports or anything that my father could approve of. When my brothers went out and played soccer I'd bake with my grande-mere or sing." He sighed heavily, "I don't know when he found out. I never actually came out to them. He's always resented me though, that much I do know."

Dean tightened his arms around Castiel and continued to play with his hair as he listened, wishing he could do something to take the pain of Castiel's past away. He suddenly thought of something Cas might want to know, something that would make him feel special and loved and important. It was something Dean hadn't even known until now. "Cas... do you realize, that since I've been with you... I've never once looked at a girl and wanted to kiss her?" He was amazed at how that had happened, and he still didn't really know how that was possible considering Dean's past popularity with girls and his flirtatious nature. He'd barely noticed anyone when he was with Cas, and not been attracted to any girls at all. "It's just you," He breathed in awe. "I don't know what you did to me, Cas."

Castiel's features softened, his stomach a pile of warm mush inside. He turned awkwardly, to kiss Dean softly, brushing his thumb over his cheek. "You're amazing, Dean.I..I used to have this crush on you back before all this," he admitted quietly, resting his head back down on Dean's chest. "You were such an ass, the way you acted. Treating girls just for their looks. Then, I got to know you, underneath the rebellious act. You were so honest and considerate, I've never felt like this. Never thought I would. Growing up the way I did, I thought the only happiness I would get with another person would be aesthetics. Just appreciating how someone looked but never affording the luxury to step forward and have that connection with someone. Only seeing other couples be happy from a distance because I was too afraid to stand up to my father and tell him to suck it." He could feel silent tears fall down his cheeks and soak into Dean's shirt. "Then I met you and you gave me that confidence I didn't even know I had. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Dean. You made me whole again."

Dean was speechless. What Castiel had just told him was important, something so big that it made Dean want to curl up in a ball and hide in a corner. He didn't deserve this devotion, and he wasn't even sure he knew how to return it. He couldn't breathe. What Dean had seen of Castiel's life was only a brief glimpse into his past, and he had no idea how bad it was before he came along and brought Castiel out of the darkness. He's seen the scars, both from his brothers and the ones that were self-inflicted, and it scared Dean to think of where Castiel would be if they'd never met. What his life would be like. It hurt him to imagine Castiel as he was before, ignored and lonely and in constant emotional pain, lacking hope for the future and ready to give up. And Dean had put together the broken pieces. Castiel was a lot better now but it was impossible to forget the past and Dean was determined to make sure that Castiel never felt lost again. He felt tears soaking into his shirt and he forgot how to breathe as his own eyes teared up. "Cas, I love you so much," he managed, "So _fucking_ much it scares me."

(Don't mind me, just afuherguiegboweeifhdwei Oh My God.)

Castiel let out a shaky breath, wiping his tears with the back of his hand as he tried to make himself look a little more presentable for when he turned back up to look at Dean. "It scares me too, Dean," he admitted, sniffing a little. "But we have each other now. There's no need to feel scared anymore." He smiled a little and grabbed for the whiskey bottle, taking a long, much needed swig to calm him after these emotional, exhausting day. "I love you too, Dean." he breathed, kissing him lightly, his whiskey laced lips pressing against Dean's bruised skin.

(osiadfifdjsoifdo GOD)

Dean closed his eyes when Castiel kissed him and then placed both hands on either side of his head so he couldn't get away, and deepened the kiss. A small desperate moan escaped his throat and he licked into Castiel's mouth, tasting the whiskey and that taste that was just Castiel. The alcohol in his veins made his movements uncoordinated and sloppy but he was persistent, desperate for something but he didn't know what.

Castiel hummed in approval and darted his tongue lightly across Dean's bottom lip as they deepened the kiss. Castiel soon parted, breathing heavily and giggling quietly. He shook his head, biting his lip. "We can't do this here," he chuckled, blushing as he realized where they were. He kissed Dean lightly once, twice, before holding Dean's hands in his as he moved away slightly.

Dean groaned in frustration when Castiel backed away. "Fine," he heaved a long-suffering sigh. "You're such a prude, Cas." He settled for kissing Castiel's face, pressing soft chaste kisses over his cheeks and nose and chin, then up to his forehead and down to his eyelids, where he could taste the salt of Castiel's tears. Then he stilled and they just breathed together for a moment.

Castiel made a face, pretending to be upset by the comment. "My mom is upstairs, you ass." He laid his head on Dean's chest, pulling the blanket from the top of the couch and covering them with it, snuggling up to Dean and sighing with content. He pressed a kiss to Dean's neck where he could reach. "I love you, Dean," he murmured against the skin.

"Me too," Dean mumbled drunkenly, smiling at the warmth of Castiel's breath against his throat and the soft movements of his lips. He shivered happily and moved around to get more comfortable, pulling the blanket up over Cas and fitting their bodies together perfectly. He was so warm and comfortable that he was convinced Castiel's sole purpose on Earth was for Dean to hold. His arms were wrapped around his boyfriend securely and he closed his eyes with a relaxed sigh.

Castiel fell asleep pretty easily, his drunken slumber heavy and warm wrapped in Dean. When he awoke in the morning Dean was lying with his face slumped into the couch cushions and Castiel was lying half over him. He could smell the waft of pancakes coming from the kitchen and he remembered what had happened the last time he'd been hungover. "Oh dear, God. Please let it be Crowley," he mumbled, as he struggled into sitting position. Crowley's hangover cure was the best thing in the world and Castiel needed that more than anything right now.

Dean whined in protest when Castiel moved away. He hadn't even opened his eyes yet and his head was already throbbing. He fumbled around for the blanket and pulled it up over his head, hiding from the sunlight shining in through the window. He blindly reached out and searched for Castiel with a clumsy hand, and found his arm. He gripped it weakly and tugged, begging Castiel to come back and lay down with him. "Nnngh," he said.

Castiel grimaced and moaned in protest at the sudden movement. His head throbbing as it smacked back down next to Dean. "Get up, love. I need my cure," he groaned, prodding at Dean to shift his butt so he could get up having been caught in his vice like grip. Any other time he would have savoured the moment, but right now he needed aspirin and some bacon.

Dean lowered the blanket from his face and squinted up at Cas unhappily. He reluctantly let go of Castiel's arm and then rubbed his hand over his eyes. How much did they drink last night, anyway? It was a good thing he'd stayed the night here. If his dad saw him like this he'd undoubtably lose his head. "Let me die," he groaned pathetically.

Castiel managed to kiss Dean's cheek before moving only to fall flat on his face on the floor when he attempt to move from the couch. He groaned, holding his head in fear of it splitting as he stood up to walk into the kitchen to find the same scene as Tuesday morning. Crowley was making his heavenly hangover cure and was talking with his mom, it was too early for Castiel to listen properly but he could probably guess he was advising her on what to next. I.e with his father's stuff ect. "Good morning, sunshine," Crowley smirked, looking way too cheery at this time in the morning. "Where's your prince?" he smirked, flipping a set of pancakes before serving them to Mrs Novak.

Dean vaguely registered the thump and groan as Castiel fell off the couch and walked away, leaving Dean feeling lonely on the couch. He whimpered as he sat up and untangled himself from the blanket before shuffling into the kitchen just in time to hear Crowley call him a prince. He snickered and walked up behind Castiel's chair and ruffled his hair. "Right here," he announced, leaning down to press a lazy kiss to Castiel's temple. "There's my sleeping beauty," he teased. He staggered over to another chair and sat down in it heavily, too hungover to feel embarrassed about his appearance.

Crowley rolled his eyes but smirked, giving them both a stack of pancakes with a side of bacon, orange juice and two aspirin each. Mrs Novak looked more stressed out and tired than she did hangover, her usual beauty sagged with worry. She clearly hadn't slept well and Castiel didn't blame her considering how over-whelmed she must feel for doing something she'd been so scared to do for years. "How are my boys?" she said sweetly, despite her stress she still made an effort to not take it out on her Cassie. Unlike his father. Castiel gave her a half smile, cheeks stuffed with pancakes. She took that as a good sign. At least he was eating. Crowley took off the apron, once again in his expensive suit and kissed Mrs. Novak's cheek. "Thank you, sweetheart, tell Bobby we'll be there at 7. Have a nice day." Crowley nodded and gave the boys a grin before leaving the house to go to work or..whatever Castiel was too hungover to really care.

Dean smiled gratefully at Crowley as he was handed a plate full of delicious food, but Dean wasn't sure his stomach would be able to handle it. Cas was eating, though, so Dean took a small bite and chewed slowly before swallowing the aspirin, and it actually did help to settle his stomach. He grinned shyly at Mrs. Novak, secretly overjoyed to be included in her endearment. It had been such a long time since an adult had shown him affection, and Dean wanted to soak it up like a sponge.

Castiel ate gratefully, sipping his juice and taking the aspirin. Once he was done he sat back with a groan. "We better get going if we're going to get to school on time." Castiel muttered, scratching his head and standing as if to organize himself. Mrs Novak frowned, "Cassie, you heard what Bobby said. You might as well stay at home. Get some rest." Castiel shook his head. "I can't do that, mom. They need us for the show. I need to do the sets and then there's rehearsals and.." Mrs Novak smiled fondly, "You're going to wear yourself out carrying on like this, sweetheart. Just take the day off." Castiel shook his head, "I can't let them down like that." Mrs Novak sighed but smiled sweetly, she found it inspiring how much her son was willing to work to achieve his goals.

"If we feel better later we can just go for rehearsals," Dean suggested, taking Castiel's hand and pulling him back to the table. Once Cas was sitting again he stroked his thumb over the back of Castiel's hand reassuringly. "We both need a break. And I feel like my head's going to explode so there's no way I'm going to school today." Dean said, tapping the back of Castiel's hand with his thumb absently before playing with his fingers. "Besides, you're hogging the set painting, Picasso. Let someone else do all the hard work." He grinned.

Castiel sighed, "The point is no one else will." He calmed down a little with Dean playing with his hand. "Look my mom's going to work in a bit you can go take a nap in my room and I'll go to school and work on the sets. I'll see you when you come in and I can cover for you in lessons so the teachers don't phone home and get you in trouble with your dad." He really didn't want to see Dean get hurt just because he'd skipped school because Castiel made him drink the night before. Something which he was also would get Dean in trouble.

Dean sighed and studied Castiel. His eyes were bloodshot and tired and he looked pale and sick. "Cas, are you sure you want to go to school with a hangover for a second time? Remember the last time you did that, you had to wear those aviators all day and you felt like crap?" He understood why Castiel wanted to go to school; it would look a little suspicious if both of them skipped school, and Dean's dad would probably find out about it. Dean turned to Mrs. Novak uncertainly. She was Castiel's mother and would have the final say in this.

Castiel didn't care that he felt like vomiting and could only see out of his ear. He needed to go if it meant keeping Dean out of trouble. He was willing to put up with a shit day for his safety. He shook his head and tilted Dean's head lightly by his chin so he was looking at him and not his mom. "I want to do this Dean. This isn't just some sick day where we stick our fingers in our ears and close our eyes and everything's fine. We're already walking on thin ice here and I can't let this happen to you again." he said, gesturing to Dean's bruises. Mrs Novak smiled sadly at them both. "He has a point sweetheart," she said to Dean. "We don't want you getting hurt again."

Dean stared stubbornly at Castiel and glanced at Mrs. Novak after a moment. "Fine," he sighed reluctantly. "Just don't throw up on anyone," he muttered fondly, leaning forward to kiss Castiel's cheek gently. Dean still didn't like the idea of Castiel going to school so Dean would be protected, even if they both felt like complete shit. "I honestly am about to throw up," he admitted, standing up and running to the bathroom clutching his churning stomach. God, this was embarrassing. He was never drinking again if this is the misery and torture that followed.

Castiel bit his lip to stop from smirking. After how Dean had teased him about his hangover he sure was getting his just desserts. He followed on after Dean and found him bent over the toilet. He knelt by his side, rubbing his back slowly. At least he had eaten something first. Throwing up on an empty stomach was not good. Once he'd finished, Castiel helped him to stand up and led him to his bed. He moved Amber away but she soon cuddled back up with Dean once he was settled.

Dean groaned in embarrassment when Castiel followed him into the bathroom, but he was too miserable to care and it was nice to have Castiel rubbing his back, and then he was being led up the stairs into Castiel's room and tucked into bed, cat included. Dean tried to protest but Castiel was insistent and Dean sighed in defeat and snuggled down into the covers that held Castiel's scent. "Thanks, Cas." He mumbled tiredly, head throbbing.

Castiel nodded and took off his shirt, guitar pick hanging against his bare chest as he searched for something to wear. He picked out a dark navy tee-shirt with a v neck cut and shrugged it on as he quickly made quick work of his jeans and boxers changing into fresh ones. He didn't bother changing elsewhere, Dean had seen it all before and he didn't have time to be embarrassed he was already running late. "Shower before you come to school and maybe we can get Anna to loan you some perfume so you don't smell like me or something. If he asks you could say you stayed at Cassie's. I don't want your dad getting suspicious over some minor detail like smell." he kissed Dean's forehead and stroked Amber's chin. "I'll see you later, love."

Dean watched in interest as Castiel undressed, leaving the guitar pick necklace on. Dean would never get tired of looking at Castiel's body. It would never stop being fascinating to him, and he longed to touch Castiel's skin, to kiss his body and hold him in his arms and learn every single dip and curve and line of him. "Beautiful," Dean breathed, and was disappointed when Castiel covered himself with clothes. The dark blue shirt looked really damn sexy and Dean sighed in frustration. "I'll come by school later for rehearsal," he murmured, stroking Castiel's face.

Castiel leaned into the touch, closing his eyes briefly. He wished he could just stay in the warmth with Dean but he knew it wouldn't benefit either of them in the long haul. Especially with Dean and his dad. He picked up his aviator glasses and jacket, putting them on before walking to the door with a little more effort than usual and smiled back at Dean. "Bye, Dean." He closed the door gently, grimacing as even the noise was too loud. He padded downstairs, said goodbye to his mom and rode off to school on his motorcycle. Feeling and looking like crap.

(Seeing as Dean is asleep and not really doing much I was thinking a Castiel and Sam bit before Dean coming in or something?)

(That's a good idea! And maybe later when Dean wakes up there can be a little Mrs. Novak and Dean, and maybe some Castiel and Anna?)

Sam would be lying if he said he wasn't worried. Dean hadn't come home last night and even though he assumed he'd spent the night at Castiel's, he was still worried since Dean had left the house in such a bad situation last night. John had come home but hadn't said anything to Sam, and he'd left for work early in the morning without even mentioning Dean or seeming to care where he'd gone. Sam had gotten a ride to school with one of his friends and was now waiting anxiously in the parking lot for Castiel and Dean. But when Castiel's motorcycle showed up without Dean on it, he began panicking. "Where's Dean?" He demanded in a panicked tone.

Castiel winced, Sam's anxious and scratchy voice biting at his throbbing head that sent him into a dizzy spell. He held his hand out, resting it on Sam's arm. "Dean's fine. He's just hungover. He'll be in later." He took a moment before taking off his glasses, wincing as the light burned at his eyes. He managed to adjust just enough to look up seriously at Sam. "Are you alright, Sammy? H-He didn't hurt you too, did he?" He knew Dean said he'd be okay but he just wanted to make sure. He'd feel really guilty for taking Dean away if his little brother needed him.

(Sounds good :D)

Sam was surprised by the nickname. Nobody had ever called him that except for Dean, and it was odd hearing it from somebody else. It made him smile though, because not just anyone could get away with calling him 'Sammy', but Sam was starting to really like Cas, so he was fine with the nickname. He breathed a sigh of relief when Cas told him Dean was okay, but Cas didn't really look much better than Dean probably felt. He was swaying on his feet a little so Sam's hand shot out to grip Castiel's elbow supportively. "I'm fine," he insisted softly, wincing at Castiel's ill-looking face. "You don't look so good..." he said uncertainly, still holding his elbow in case Cas was about to fall over. He still had a lot of questions but Castiel was clearly not in the mood to be interrogated, Sam realized sympathetically.

"We may have gotten drunk with our chemistry teacher," Castiel said realizing how out of place that sounded, he waved a hand at Sam and sighed. "It's a long story," he smiled apologetically, not in the mood to explain it all now. Dean would probably fill him in when he was able to stand up without vomiting. He put his glasses back on, unable to face the light no more. He looked towards the school and really wished he had just stayed home with Dean but he had to press on. "I'll be fine. I just need to go hide in art before the crowds get too much. I have this thumping headache. Could you do me a favour and tell Dean's teacher's he's sick today. They'll believe his brother and we don't want them phoning your dad to ask where he is. That'll just make things worse."

Sam gave Castiel a strange look. "Uh... okay?" He replied awkwardly, not sure he wanted to know how that had happened. "But yeah, I'll tell his teachers, don't worry about it, Cas." He walked with Cas towards the school, putting his hands in his pockets, and kept glancing over at Cas curiously. "So... um. Is everything okay? I read the text you sent to Dean," he admitted, not sure if he should know about Castiel's family business since it seemed a little rude to ask, but he was genuinely concerned.

Castiel sighed a little, he really didn't have the energy to get into this but looking at Sam he felt slightly warm and glad the boy actually seemed worried about him and not just because he was his brother's boyfriend. "Yeah, I'm fine. Mr. Singer and his husband were over for dinner and he stopped my father from getting out of hand so everything's good. Thank you, Sammy." He rubbed a hand over his temple as he walked into school, the noise of lockers being slammed shut rung loudly through his ears. He grimaced at the sound but was determined to see this day through.

Sam was still confused but he'd ask his brother for more information later. He didn't want to bother Cas anymore so he walked him to the art room. He smiled at the nickname again and patted Castiel's shoulder lightly. "So, is your dad not coming back now, or what?" He asked tentatively.

Castiel shrugged, "I'm honestly not sure. I mean he's going to have to come back for his stuff but I don't think my mom's willing to give him another chance." Castiel couldn't but smile at that, good reddiance that's what he'd say. He gave Sam a big smile and a hug, just thankful for Sam being so understanding in this and not making things worse like his siblings had. He soon pulled away and went into the art room.

Sam had to hunch down a little to hug Cas, but he smiled warmly. "Well, good luck with everything," he said when he backed away. "I'll see you later." Sam waited until Cas was in the room before walking away to his first class.

Anna had gotten into art early, and she looked up as Castiel walked in. "Hello," she greeted softly, noticing Castiel looked a little under the weather.

Castiel nodded, giving her a soft smile. At least with Anna things would be quiet, thankfully. Castiel's head felt like it was going to explode. He put down his bag and helmet and came and sat by her, picking up her spare brush and helping her with the sets. He worked on the other side that Anna hadn't covered yet and used the painting to help focus his aching head.

They worked in peaceful silence for a while, but Anna sensed some unhappy vibes coming off Castiel, and he looked a bit ill. "Cas," she questioned gently, "Are you all right?" She looked up at him curiously, slight frown creasing her brow. Also, she hadn't seen Dean today and that alone worried her. She didn't think anything would be able to come between the two of them, but she worried nonetheless.

Castiel smiled to his best abilities to assure her. It must have looked a bit odd considering he and Dean had been inseparable since they started going out. "Yeah, just a bit hungover. Dean's still at home sleeping it off," he explained. Blushing a little when he called it home rather than his house but whatever, she didn't have to know. And he didn't want to worry her on top of everything else. He was too hungover to explain to this many people.

Anna raised her eyebrows in bemusement. She almost didn't want to ask what he'd meant by that, but she had a feeling she already knew. "Did you two have fun?" She asked shyly, hoping she wasn't making assumptions. She noticed Castiel wearing a blue guitar pick around his neck, and smiled to herself.

Castiel rolled his eyes and blushed a bit, "Not like that Anna." He laughed a little but shrugged. He didn't want to burden Anna with this. Sam only knew because he had been there and Dean was his brother. Castiel would prefer if the less people who knew the better. "Just a few too many drinks that's all," he shrugged with a smile. He continued painting, his headache dying down to just a dull throb.

Anna giggled and smiled openly at Castiel's blush. "I see," she said, gently teasing, and returned her attention to the set she was painting with a small smile on her face. "Is Dean going to be here for rehearsal?" She asked after a few minutes of painting in silence.

Castiel nodded, "If he gets out of bed, yeah." Although Castiel rather liked the idea of coming home to find Dean still in his bed. He returned to painting and stood up every so often to stretch his aching limbs, grateful when lunch finally rolled around. He didn't bother going outside though. Dean wouldn't be there and Castiel wasn't sure he could face the sun so stayed inside and continued painting.

(Back to Dean for the moment :D)

Dean woke up around 1, and his headache was already feeling a lot better. At first he didn't know where he was, but then he remembered everything and he smiled and stretched languidly in Castiel's bed. It was comfortable and warm and smelled like Cas, and Dean rolled over on his stomach and buried his face in the pillow, breathing in that intoxicating scent. Amber meowed and purred at him, pawing at his ear playfully, and he tickled her under her chin.

Mrs Novak has called in at work and took the day off to sort out the things she'd discussed that morning with Crowley. Like sorting out her husband's clothes and starting on filing for divorce and a thousand over things she didn't really want to do. She looked up at the time and knocked on Castiel's door. "Dean, are you awake?" She opened the door slowly and smiled over at him. "I just wanted to let you know what time it was. We wouldn't want Cassie to worry that something had happened to you, now would we?"

A few minutes later Mrs. Novak came in, and Dean felt shy being in Castiel's bed all of a sudden. He absently pet Amber, who was purring her heart out and cuddling against Dean's hand, and nodded with a blush. "Okay," He replied groggily, "I feel a lot better now, thanks for letting me stay here." He sat up slowly and swung his legs over the bed, reluctantly leaving the warm covers where Castiel slept every night. Mrs. Novak looked tired and stressed, and Dean didn't want to be any more trouble to her.

"It's no trouble sweetheart," she smiled sweetly. She bit her lip for a moment, a habit close to Castiel's. She sat at the foot of the bed and looked over at Dean seriously. "If you or your brother are ever in trouble, you are both welcome to stay here. There are spare bedrooms now Gabriel's left so it wouldn't be a problem." she smiled sadly. "I'd hate to see you boys getting hurt or into trouble so will you promise me you'll ask for help? It breaks my heart seeing you boys hurt."

Dean's heart melted at Mrs. Novak's kindness. He's always been resentful of other kids' mothers since his own was no longer living, but Mrs. Novak was an angel. He nodded weakly and then hugged her without thinking, burying his face in her shoulder. "Thank you," he whispered, "I don't know what's going to happen." He was scared to admit that, but Mrs. Novak was understanding and Dean trusted her even though he didn't know her that well. Maybe it was because she reminded him so much of Cas.

Mrs Novak wrapped her arms around him, rubbing his back softly. "It's okay, sweetheart. We'll be here for you no matter what happens," she assured soothingly. She pulled away a little to see his face and smiled in amusement at how hungover he looked. She fixed his hair, stuck in mother mode despite Dean not being her child she couldn't help but fuss over him. "Your brother, Sam, was it? I'd like to have you boys over for dinner sometime. It'd be nice for Cassie, I think.." she smiled sweetly before standing up and picking up Amber who pressed her face against her hand.

Dean blushed and ducked his head when Mrs. Novak started fixing his hair as if Dean was a little kid, but he smiled nonetheless, remembering his own mother doing that when he was younger. "That would be really nice," he said, "But... speaking of dinner, there's this whole issue..." he sighed and decided to just tell her. "My dad doesn't think that... well, he thinks homosexuality is wrong, to put it lightly. I was talking to Cas on the phone one night and my dad heard me say his name and then he asked who it was, because I..." he blushed and looked down before mumbling, "I said, 'I love you, Cas.' and so then Sam and I told him that it was short for 'Cassie', my pretend-girlfriend, and then he asked 'Cassie' to come over for dinner so I'm inviting our friend Anna over to pretend to be my girlfriend and I'm really scared it's not gonna work," Dean took a deep breath when he was done. He bit his lip and couldn't look Mrs. Novak in the eye, despite trusting her enough to tell her all of this.

Mrs Novak smiled warmly, glad to hear Dean felt for Castiel as much as he did him. She'd been worried, although Dean was a nice enough boy, she'd been worried Castiel would feel for him more than Dean did him and somehow get his feelings hurt in the process. But no, this was good news. She sat back down on the bed, dropping Amber and bringing Dean back into a hug. "My dear, if it doesn't work you and Castiel will still have your love for each other. No one can take that away from you. And, if your father is..the abusive type..Bobby will help sort things out, we all will."

Dean closed his eyes as he hugged her, glad she couldn't see his face anymore. He was relieved to hear that everyone was on their side, and he blushed happily when Mrs. Novak acknowledged their love and didn't dismiss it like so many parents of teenagers did. Dean and Castiel were pretty serious about each other, and they wouldn't be torn apart easily. However, that last thing Mrs. Novak had said, about Dean's dad, still worried him and he bit his lip anxiously. He didn't know how much she knew about his father, but there was one more thing he had to tell her, just in case she didn't already know. "You know that scar on Castiel's face?" He asked tentatively, still hiding his face from her.

Mrs Novak froze, she'd been told by Michael it was from an accident at the bar. So for Dean to bring it up after mentioning his father, well, she wasn't an idiot. It didn't take much to put two and two together. "Oh, my dear," he sighed sadly. "Has he ever...does he strike you often?" she asked carefully, trying to understand exactly what they were dealing with. She would definitely need to discuss this with Bobby if he was to help them out.

Dean backed away a little to look into her eyes guiltily. "He doesn't hit me or Sam that much, usually just when he's drunk or really mad about something." He paused and then took a shaky breath. "I don't know if Cas would want me to tell you this but you're his mom and I think you should know. He said he was at the bar helping clean tables or something, and he was drawing... uh, he was drawing a picture of me, and my dad was there and he saw it and flipped out and then attacked Cas with a knife..." He buried his head in his hands, unable to look at Mrs. Novak because he felt like he was going to burst into tears at any moment. "I don't know how long ago it was," he said, voice muffled by his tight throat and his hands, "It was before I even knew who he was."

Mrs Novak placed her hand on his back,rubbing it soothingly in a sort of side hug. "It's okay, sweetheart," she said, trying to stay strong for the boy. If she ever met the man she would be having serious words with him. Perhaps, sending Bobby would be the wisest thing to do. He spoke of dominance and authority and would certainly take this monster down a peg or two. Now she could understand why Dean was so worried about this dinner. If that's how he behaved towards some innocent kid he'd never met it would be much worse if it was his own son. "I'm going to speak to Bobby and he'll help us through this. For now, I just want you to go to school and focus on the good things in life. Okay?"

"It's not okay," Dean muttered, "It will never be okay. I can't forgive my dad for hurting Cas, and no matter what I'm not going to let him do it again." He stayed silent and unmoving for a moment, trying to compose himself, and then he took a deep breath and sat up, turning to Mrs. Novak. At least he knew they were on the same page regarding Dean's father now. "Thank you," he said quietly, wiping away his tears. "I'm sorry about all of this mess,"

Mrs Novak smiled, so proud of Dean for being so protective and standing up for the boy he loved. She knew at that moment that she could trust Dean with her son through thick and thin. "It's alright, Dean. It's moments like these that make us stronger," she smiled before disappearing with Amber downstairs to fed her and give Dean the space he needed to sort himself out before heading off to school.

After she left, Dean got up and went into the bathroom to take a shower. He used Castiel's shampoo and soap, and then dried off and walked back into Castiel's room to try to figure out what he was going to wear. His clothes from last night smelled like alcohol and were wrinkled, so he left them in a pile on the floor and looked in Castiel's dresser. This would be the second time he'd worn Castiel's clothes, and he realized he hadn't ever given the other outfit back. He found a black tee shirt and some grey skinny jeans, which fit a little snugly but were comfortable and worn.

(I don't know what else to write for Mrs Novak so I'm just going to go back to Castiel)

Lunch had come and gone and it was half way through the last period of the day and still no sign of Dean. He was beginning to worry and wondered if he was going to show up or not. He wouldn't mind too much if he didn't then he wouldn't have to deal with some jackass eye fucking his boyfriend. He put his paint brush down and decided to text Dean only..he didn't want to seem obsessive. He was probably just worrying to much, he'd be here soon enough. Either that or it would be a nice surprise for when he got home.

Dean hated getting to school late, but at least he didn't have to sit through any of his classes. He assumed Castiel would be in the art room as usual, so that's where he went. He walked through the empty halls and entered the art room, and his face lit up with a smile when he saw Cas and Anna crouched on the ground working on the sets for the play. They appeared to have gotten a lot of work done. Dean went over to them and kissed Cas on the cheek. "Hey, baby," he said with a grin, "Did you miss me?"

Castiel let out a sigh of relief when Dean walked through the door and he found himself struggling for breath when he saw him in his clothes. His clothes tight and fitting on Dean and showing off his build. He leant into the touch and hummed, "Like you wouldn't believe." He fingers trailed over Dean's chest, feeling his own clothes would never stop being fascinating to him. "Hows your head? he asked with concern.

Dean sat down beside him and kissed him gently. "Like a sledgehammer broke through my skull," he groaned, rolling his eyes. He nodded a greeting at Anna and smiled at her. "How are you holding up?" He asked Castiel, trailing his fingers up Castiel's neck to massage small, soothing circles into his scalp and kissed him again. He smirked a little at Castiel's reaction to wearing his clothes and decided that he'd like to see Castiel in some of Dean's clothes.

Castiel leaned into the kisses, doing his best to keep them light considering Anna was sat right there. It'd be weird if Castiel just sat in Dean's lap and started seriously making out with him, which is totally what he wanted to do. "I've been getting high on paint fumes and I feel like my eye is gonna fall right out the socket," he groaned. He gave a little smirk, "Nothing is as sexy as a hangover."

Dean shared an amused look with Anna and shook his head in exasperation. "Maybe you need a break from this, Mr. Sexy," he suggested with a teasing smirk, but he was a little bit concerned by Castiel's complaints of pain. "Paint fumes probably doesn't go well with a hangover. You wanna go get some fresh air?" Rehearsals were in about forty minutes and if Cas didn't get outside for a little while he was only going to feel worse.

Castiel nodded and looked over to Anna but she seemed to get the message. "It's okay, I'll finish up here." He gave her a thankful smile and stood up, a little dizzy on his feet but managed to get up and hold a hand out for Dean. They managed to make it outside to the tree and Castiel slumped down, taking in big gulps of air as he tried to clear his head of fumes.

Dean sat back against the tree and pulled Castiel's head into his lap, smiling fondly at being able to return the gesture from before. Castiel looked beautiful despite being hungover, and Dean's hand went into his hair automatically, loving the soft texture and the way he looked in the pleasantly warm sun. Dean's other hand rested on Castiel's chest, where he could feel him breathing in the fresh air, and he watched with a small smile on his face.

Castiel lay his head in Dean's lap and sighed, closing his eyes and falling half-asleep in need of that extra rest that Dean had gotten and he hadn't. He didn't mind though, it would be worth it when Dean's dad didn't get a call asking where Dean was because they'd sorted it and averted a possible problem. He smiled lazily up at Dean, covering Dean's hand on his chest, over the pick and over his heart.

Dean smiled softly when Castiel's hand covered his, and he felt the smooth plastic of the guitar pick against his palm and Castiel's heart beating under his fingers. "One hand, one heart," he murmured ironically, thinking of the scene in West Side Story where Tony and Maria had a pretend wedding in the dress shop. He huffed slightly in amusement at his own cheesiness, but the line fit and he was too hungover to filter his thoughts before he said them. Whatever.

"You're too precious," Castiel smirked softly, reaching up with his other hand to cup Dean's good cheek. He closed his eyes and curled up in Dean's lap, his face pressed into Dean's smiled lazily, keeping his hand and Dean's over his chest and humming in content. He wished he'd stayed at home now and he could have had this all day. Tucked up in bed with Dean, warm and cozy.

When Castiel turned his head like that, Dean could see his scar clearly. He frowned as he remembered the conversation he'd had with Mrs. Novak, and he gently stroked his thumb over the scar and then placed his hand on the back of Castiel's neck. "I told your mom about this," he said softly, hoping Castiel wouldn't be upset. Dean thought it was the right thing to do, because it wasn't healthy to hide something like this.

Castiel bit his lip, keeping his eyes shut. He put his hand over Dean's and squeezed it lightly. He wondered what else they'd talked about and if his mom had freaked Dean out in anyway. In a way he was kind of relieved Dean told her. It really showed her just how sick Dean's dad was because there was no way Castiel would have had the courage to tell her the truth himself. On the other hand, she'd be worrying about him constantly when in fact, it was Dean who they had to be concerned about. It was his father after all.

"I don't have a good relationship with my dad," Dean said softly, frowning at the scar. "But I never really knew how much of a psycho he is." Dean was learning things about his father that he didn't want to know, things he wanted to ignore and just pretend his family wasn't broken. At least he still had Sam. "Cas, I think I hate him," he said quietly, the confession scaring him with its truth. Since Mary's death, John had only gotten worse, not better, and he wasn't a good father for Sam or Dean. Dean was more of a father to Sam than John ever was.

Castiel moved carefully to sit in Dean's lap so he could see him properly. He took off his glasses, despite the bright light and took Dean's hand in his and placed them over Dean's heart. "Don't put yourself down because of that," he said softly, speaking from experience. He hated his father but the way he treated him just made him feel guilty for it. It was an awful feeling and he could understand a bit why Dean was afraid to say he hated the man who was supposed to be his father. He cupped Dean's cheek with his free hand, "You're a good person, Dean. Don't let him make you think any differently because of this."

Dean breathed deeply and studied Castiel's face. "Thank you," he breathed, staring into Castiel's deep blue eyes. "I'm not worried about myself, Dad can do anything he wants to me as long as he doesn't hurt Sammy." He was starting to worry about Sam, because he'd stood up to John several times lately, and the fact that his sons were teaming together against him might increase John's violence and Sam might get hurt in the crossfire. He didn't want to break their already broken family apart, but it was happening and there was no way to fix it.

Castiel's heart melted a little. Dean was so loyal and willing to sacrifice himself for the sake of his brother's safety. He pressed a light kiss to his lips, smiling warmly. Castiel was worried though, is his dad had come at Castiel with a knife God knows what he'd do if he ever found out about Dean's sexuality or even the fact he was going out with Castiel. It was safe to say the man could easily hospitalize Dean if he wanted to and that scared Castiel more than anything. He wrapped his arms around him protectively, placing him between him and the tree. "We can get through this, Dean. I'll stand by you, whatever it takes."

Dean hummed into the kiss, closing his eyes, and then leaned his forehead against Castiel's. "I love you," he whispered, "But you already know that." He didn't want Castiel to get caught in the middle of all of this but there was no way for Dean to keep him out of it, and part of him was grateful that Castiel would stand by him no matter what, even if Dean was worried about protecting him from John. He had a sinking feeling that if John found out about their relationship he wouldn't only take it out on Dean. He'd try to eliminate the source of Dean's feelings and blame it on Castiel. He tightened his arms around his boyfriend protectively and kissed the corner of his mouth.

"I love you, too," Castiel smiled, placing his hand over Dean's heart to feel his pulse. The steady beat making everything more real and alive. He rested his head against Dean's shoulder, his arm wrapped around his waist. "And I always will, Dean," he promised just to make sure Dean knew how seriously he cared for him. Because, realistically things don't last forever whether you want it to or not. So if something horrible went wrong and they were torn apart. He'd always carry a piece of Dean in his heart no matter what.

Dean smiled sadly and breathed in deeply, letting it out in a sigh. Castiel's declaration of love was strong and true and Dean just wanted to hold Castiel forever and never let go. The funny thing was that Dean couldn't imagine going back to his life before he'd met Castiel. It wouldn't feel right, not having Cas by his side and in his arms, and he couldn't imagine a future without him. Their future was risky and uncertain, and Dean knew that anything could happen, and something was bound to go wrong at one point, but Dean wouldn't let Castiel go without a fight.

Castiel hummed, pressing light kisses to Dean's jaw and holding him tightly. He bit his lip nervously, they still had rehersal to get through first but Castiel was worried what was going to happen to Dean when he got home. If his father would strike him again. He couldn't bare to think about it. "If something happens," he started quietly. "Promise me you'll come straight to my mine. And bring Sammy too, I don't want either of you suffering like that again." He pressed a light kiss to Dean's bruised cheek, stroking his thumb over the tender skin lightly.

Dean smiled gratefully at him. "Your mom said the same thing," he said. "You're really lucky to have her." He still couldn't understand how such a kindhearted woman could have married such a violent, angry man had had three troubled sons. Castiel and Michael seemed to be the only ones who had a heart, even though Dean had never met Michael. He sighed and relaxed into the gentle kisses, Castiel's lips soft against his bruised skin and his breath ghosting warmly across Dean's face.

Castiel blushed but smiled nonetheless, "Then I guess I don't need to tell you she will hunt you down and drag you to our house if you're too stubborn to accept our help." He rested his head against Dean's shoulder. "She's not always been there. What with work and six..I, uh..five children." Castiel looked up at Dean but he hadn't seem to notice his mistake. "She's a remarkable woman. I think it'll get better now everyone's moved out. She deserves that happiness again."

Dean grinned and kissed Castiel's cheek. "I want Sam to meet her," he said thoughtfully. Mrs. Novak was such a kind, strong soul and a good mother and he thought Sam would like to meet her. Since Dean and Castiel were so serious about each other, it couldn't hurt to for Sam to get to know Castiel's mother. Dean only wished he could introduce Castiel to his dad and not have to worry about crimes being committed. He wished his dad accepted him and would be proud Dean had found someone who makes him happy.

Castiel let out a breath in relief when Dean didn't mention is inability to count. Simple mistake to make, not exactly the easiest of thing to explain however. He let it slid gratefully and smiled, "I'm sure she'd be happy to meet him. He's really nice." His mom was always a nurturer, any kid she say she'd treat them like they were her own flesh and blood. Her warm welcoming of Dean, even given the circumstances made Castiel believe that Dean would always have a home with them if things got too hard with his dad. He'd always be welcome to stay for diner and Castiel welled up with warmth. He was finally beginning to feel like he came from a home who was accepting of who he was.

"We just have to get through this weekend," He said grimly, referring to the dinner with Cassie. "Hopefully my dad buys it. I'll just tell him I met Cassie in the musical or something." He sighed and pulled Castiel closer, burying his face in his boyfriend's neck. "I wish it could be you," he murmured. He hated having to hide Castiel from his dad, but he knew it was the safest thing to do.

"I know, love," he sighed. he brushed his hand over Dean's cheek. "It's okay, we'll get through it," he promised, talking to himself as much as he was Dean. He held him tightly as he worried about the dinner. He'd be a nervous wreck, just sat at home, not knowing what was happening until it was over. He bit his lip nervously, playing with Dean's hair absently.

"I've still got to talk to Anna and figure out what we're going to do for this," He said thoughtfully. He needed to make it as convincing as possible, especially after John found out about Dean's role in the musical. He sighed bitterly. "My dad's not proud of me," he muttered, "You'd think he'd be proud of me getting the lead role in the school musical, but he's just embarrassed. He's ashamed of me."

Castiel hummed in thought, kissing Dean's cheek. "I'm proud of you," he said, although it probably wasn't as good to hear as the approval of your dad. He held onto Dean tightly until the bell went for the end of school. "Come on, love. Let's go sure the world what you're best at." He kissed Dean's jaw and stood up shakily to help Dean up


	17. Chapter 17

Dean huffed a laugh as they both stood up dizzily, hanging onto each other for balance. "Dude, I'm never touching alcohol again," he groaned as his head throbbed and he leaned on Castiel for support while trying to hold the other boy up at the same time. "I'm going to embarrass myself," he muttered, wishing he'd at least gone over the lines the night before, but he hadn't been able to given the circumstances.

Castiel held onto Dean, feeling his head pound. He hung his glasses on the front of his shirt and walked with Dean into the hall. "It was totally worth it," Castiel countered. "Come Crowley and Bobby's party I am going to get hammered. I just love being able to let go like that, you know?" They made it to the hall and Castiel moved away to go work with the jets, kissing Dean's jaw before hand to leave him with Ruby and _him_.

"You worry me, Cas." Dean teased, ruffling his hair playfully before going over to the group of his scene, thinking they were going to do the same thing, but Mrs. Harvelle led them all up to the stage for an announcement. "Okay, ladies and gentlemen," she said loudly, "Today is our first official read-through. I want all of you to follow stage directions and practice your lines. "Dean and Chuck, I want you two to act together for today, just so you can familiarize yourselves with all the stage directions, exits and entrances. You can both say your lines at the same time, or take turns if you want, but I'm going to need you to combine into one person for today. We won't be doing the songs or dancing yet, but we'll work on those separately on another day." She clapped her hands together and looked around at all of them. "Places, everyone. Look at your scripts to find out when your first scene is. We're skipping the beginning, because that's primarily a song and dance, and we'll start right at the scene with Tony and Riff. Everyone else offstage, please!" Dean glanced warily at Chuck and then looked at Cas as everybody cleared the stage except for the three of them.

(Sorry, it took me a while to find the movie youtube won't let me watch it for some reason..)

Castiel took to the stage with Dean and Chuck, ignoring just how much he hated the guy and tried to focus on just seeing him as Tony. Otherwise this wasn't going to work. Castiel pulled out his script but held it by his side. He didn't need it that much, he practically knew all the words having watched it so many times. He walked up to Dean and Chuck and asked how they wanted to do it. If they we going to take it in turns or what they felt comfortable with and then went and stood in position.

(Yeah, I had the same problem lol)

Dean shrugged and looked at Chuck, who said, "We can do it together," with a small smile at Dean. Dean cleared his throat and nodded distantly, flipping to the correct page in his script. Riff had the first line, starting out a casual conversation between the two friends. There were a few stage directions and movements instructed in the script, playful fighting and horsing around that they'd have to practice to make natural. Dean glanced at Chuck again and then looked up expectantly at Castiel, who wasn't even looking at his script. Show off.

Castiel walked up to Dean and Chuck, friendly smile and delivered his fist line easily. "Tony, you're not even listenin'," he said with light annoyance, and a twist of an accent that made him sound more like Riff than Castiel. He followed Dean and Chuck to their side of the stage, delivering their lines. Castiel responding instantly with his counter lines and insured he was standing where he was supposed to be. He felt a little scared at how easily he was finding this but it was either this or have a melt down, sobbing in the corner and he needed to show to everyone that they'd made the right choice by picking him.

Dean rose his eyebrows as Castiel fell into character, and he almost forgot to say his line. It was really awkward saying it at the same time as Chuck, but after a few exchanges they fell into the role more easily. Dean was getting a little annoyed at Chuck's attempts to steal the show, even though it was only their first time reading the lines, but Chuck was strutting around arrogantly and Dean was worried that Mrs. Harvelle would drop Dean from the part. During one of Castiel's lines, Dean stepped forward and spoke in a clear, loud voice, overpowering Chuck, and just ignored him as he focused on being Tony. He couldn't believe he was doing this, there was no way he'd ever be good enough. Maybe it was a mistake casting him as Tony.

Castiel wasn't sure who he was supposed to low five so he skipped it for now, not wanting to favour one or the other. They could practise those bits later when they started rehearsing more separately. He had to admit Chuck was good but their was something about him that made him feel he was trying to hard. Maybe he was just being biased because of Dean. He thought Dean was doing really well considering he'd only watched the movie once and had never done drama before. He had that raw confidence and charm that just worked perfectly for the role of Tony. Castiel dropped his script as he slumped down on the stage block, acting as some stairs and delivered his next line before standing back up and following Dean and Chuck again. He always found it amusing how much Riff jumped about even when he wasn't dancing and he couldn't help it when his lip twitched, trying to form a smile but he pressed on, delivering his lines and keeping in character.

Dean noticed Castiel's smile threatening to break through and he bit the inside of his cheek to keep a serious face on. Then, the next part came, where Tony went up to Riff and threw an arm around his shoulder. Dean was about to do it but Chuck beat him to it, going up to Castiel. "End your sufferin', little man. Why don't you pack your stuff up and move out?" Chuck said the line easily, grinning at Castiel and pulling him close with a lazy arm around Castiel's shoulders, and Dean tried to suppress the wave of jealousy that rose up as he just stood there awkwardly holding his script while Chuck read the lines and acted for the both of them.

(If the dialogue isn't right I'm sorry, I can't hear some of the words properly.)

Castiel freaked out a little when Chuck swung his arm around him but he supposed the point was he was more comfortable around Dean so it made sense to practise this bit with Chuck. He could always do this bit with Dean in their spare time. They had that luxury. Whereas he'd rather keep his practise with Chuck to the stage. "Cause you're ma's hot for me," he quipped, staying easily in character. Suddenly Chuck was play fighting him. He'd thought he'd at least give Dean a shot but he was just hogging the whole thing. Castiel made a note to go through this with Dean in detail so he did it better than this jerk. "No, 'cause I hate livin' with my buckin' uncle." Chuck let go of him and he smiled in amusement like in the film but all Castiel wanted to do was punch the guy in the face.

Dean clenched his teeth as he watched Chuck tackle Castiel to his knees on the ground and tug his arm behind his back, perhaps a bit too roughly. Castiel, talented as he was, never broke character and said his lines perfectly time, to Dean's amazement. Dean, however, was standing in front of them uncertainly, letting Chuck read all the lines because it didn't make sense for them both to read the lines when Chuck was doing things his way. Mrs. Harvelle walked over slowly, having watched the entire scene, and she took Dean gently by the arm. "I think for now we'll just have Chuck," she said to Dean. "This isn't working, I'm going to need the two of you to take turns with the scenes." Dean nodded in understanding and walked away to sit on the side of the stage beside Ruby, who leaned over to whisper, "Don't worry about Chuck, he's a total flirt. He'll stop when he realizes nothing's going to come between you and Cas." Dean smiled at her gratefully and blushed a little. Was his jealousy really that obvious?

Castiel felt a little lost without Dean by his side going through this with him but he supposed he'd have to get used to it if he was going to do the first two shows without him. That thought made him feel a bit sick and he could suddenly feel everyone watching him. luckily this part required him to sit on the floor at the back whilst Chuck drew attention. Castiel took the moment to steel himself up and stay in character knowing Dean would want him to do well he focused on making him proud and pressed on. He stood up and walked towards Chuck, "So try me," he said casually, leaning against the crates and watching Chuck expectantly. He straddled the crates so he could sit on them and Chuck had his back half turned to the audience. Castiel could see a look in Chuck's eye that wasn't Tony but all him and Castiel felt uncomfortable with him staring at him and he felt exposed sitting on the crate but pushed past it, trying to continue.

Dean tried not to glare at Castiel and Chuck, but he couldn't stop his selfish, possessive jealousy from coming out. Ruby must have seen it on his face, and she elbowed him in the ribs. "Dean," she scolded in a whisper, "Give it a break, would you? You and I have to kiss, like, 6 times. If anyone has the right to feel jealous, it's Cas." Dean sighed and blushed again, glancing at Ruby apologetically. She was right. Dean was being ridiculous. None of this actually mattered, anyway. It was all for the show, all acting, and Dean decided to man up and deal with it. Besides, Chuck would only be playing Tony for the first two shows, and Dean would be Tony for the second two. It seemed pretty fair.

Castiel continued the conversation with Chuck pretty easily, although trying to ignore that persistent look in his eye was near right impossible. Their hands almost touched on the little crate between them and Castiel subtly edged his hand away trying to stay in character but trying to stay away from Chuck. Thankfully he soon stood up and walked away in a huff. Unfortunately according to the script that Castiel had left somewhere else, he had to walk after him which Castiel didn't really want to do but Riff did. The scene between them thankfully finished shortly after and Castiel had the pleasure of walking away and off the stage. His legs wobbling as he gradually dissolved back into Castiel.

Ruby stood up as soon as they were done with the scene, and Castiel filled the empty space she left. Dean pulled Castiel against his side and kissed him possessively. The scene they were doing now was between Anita and Maria in the dress shop, and Ruby was up there working a perfect Hispanic accent and Dean had to admit he was impressed, and grateful he didn't have to play the part of one of the Puerto Rican Sharks. He sucked at accents.

Castiel closed his eyes, gripping to the front of Dean's shirt with trembling hands as they kissed. His body was still on high alert and he couldn't get over the fact he'd just acted on stage. He tried focussing on Ruby's flawless acting but he was in too much of a buzz from being up on stage. He curled up next to Dean, ignoring when Chuck came and sat with them. "I'll help you practise at home," he whispered to Dean, feeling like he'd missed out a bit. No thanks to Chuck.

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel's shoulders and kept him close to his side. Castiel was trembling a little and Dean frowned in concern and rubbed his hand up and down Castiel's arm in slow, soothing motions. Chuck was sitting on Dean's other side, and Dean ignored him and kissed Castiel tenderly on the forehead, hoping Chuck would get the message. "All right," he whispered back to Cas, "That'd be great, thanks. You're incredible, by the way. That's some Oscar-worthy acting skills you've got."

Castiel's lips traced a smile as he curled up closer to Dean. "You're too nice, Dean," he blushed, hiding his face in embarrassment. He placed his hand over Dean's stomach and watched as Ruby played the stage with such confidence Castiel was frightened that Ruby was just a girl. He couldn't even begin to imagine how amazing she'd be once she started practising for more professional roles. She'd be unstoppable. Thankfully they didn't really have any scenes together, face to face otherwise Castiel might have a problem trying to face up to her talent.

Dean tensed a little when Castiel's hand slid over Dean's stomach; he was very ticklish and he stifled a giggle, but then he relaxed and covered Castiel's hand with his to reassure him that it was okay. He stroked his fingers over the veins on the back of Castiel's hand absently, tracing the bones of his knuckles and feeling soft skin. Dean watched Ruby suspiciously. Even though she was reading from the script occasionally, she acted confidently as if she'd had the role before. Dean was a little nervous about acting with her.

Castiel watched as some kid came on stage to play the roll of Bernardo. Castiel frowned, he'd never seen the boy before but watched curiously seeing as he'd have to play against him for a large chuck of the play and even die by his hands. By the time the scene had finished Mrs Harvelle called it a day and Castiel let out a breath in relief tired and hungover but also worried about what would happen to Dean at home. He kissed him firmly, "Text me what happens, okay?"

Dean leaned into the kiss and squeezed Castiel's hand. "I will," he murmured, smiling at Cas gratefully. He stood up and pulled Cas up with him, holding onto both of Castiel's hands. He stepped close and wrapped Castiel's arms around him, leaning in for another gentle kiss. "I love you," he said softly, resting his forehead against Castiel's and putting his hands on his shoulders, almost as if they were slow dancing. People were walking around them, but Dean didn't care.

"I love you, too," he whispered, wrapping his arms around Dean for a brief hug before moving away to walk out the hall with Dean to the parking lot. Once they were there, Castiel put his glasses back on and kissed Dean firmly and passionately, as if it was his last time to do so for a while given what might happen tonight. "Stay safe," he whispered, cupping his cheek before moving away to get on his bike and ride home.

(Is it Thursday at the moment? Or Friday? I can't remember how long until the dinner.)

"I will," Dean promised, reluctant to let Castiel go. As soon as he had driven away, Dean headed over to his own car and drove home the long way, not exactly looking forward to meeting his dad at home after what had happened last night. When he got home, John was in the garage working on his car's engine and Dean slipped by him before his dad could get a chance to speak to him. Sam was doing homework on the couch and Dean greeted him quickly before running up the stairs and locking himself in his room.

(Yeah, Friday is good. The dinner tomorrow and I have something planned for Sunday :D)

Castiel got home and found his mom was gone, probably at work. He saw some covered up lasagne with a post stick note on it._Will be back late, stick this in the oven for 25 minutes on low heat. Mom x _Castiel ignored the food and headed straight upstairs, stripped out of his clothes and fell on the bed, inhaling the faint smell of Dean from the earlier that morning. Amber curled up by his side and he put his phone by his side in case Dean phoned or texted and he fell asleep from exhaustion.

(Ooh I'm nervous for the dinner, and I'm excited for Sunday, ahhhh)

Dean's evening went smoothly. He spent most of it in his room and his dad didn't say one word to him the whole evening. John barely acknowledged either of his sons, and Dean was grateful for that. Dean reached for his phone and texted Cas, "everythings fine, dad not talking to me or sam, nothing bad happening. love you" and then he promptly went to sleep, still nursing a hangover and exhaustion.

Castiel awoke to not his phone but Amber's reaction to his phone's chiming which was to freak out and start clawing at Castiel's arm. He wrinkled his nose in annoyance and swatted her claws away as he picked up his phone and smile. "Good to hear. I love you, too.' He pressed send and went back to sleep not waking up until the morning. He felt miles better and his hangover had cleared but been replaced with worry for this evenings activities. He text Anna quickly asking whether she was still on board and he soon got a reply back saying she was. That at least calmed Castiel a little. He would have text Dean but decided against it. He didn't want to wake him up or annoy him. He was probably worrying too much without Castiel adding to the burden. He sat up and headed for the shower instead.

Dean woke up feeling much better physically, but emotionally he was wound up as tight as a spring. Tonight was the dinner with Cassie. Dean wasn't even sure if it was still on, so after he'd showered and gotten dressed he walked downstairs. His dad was sitting at the table drinking coffee and reading the newspaper, and Sam was nowhere in sight. Probably still asleep. Dean hesitantly walked into the kitchen. "Uh, is Cassie still coming for dinner?" He asked awkwardly, watching his dad's reaction closely. John set his paper down slowly and looked at Dean properly for the first time in a day, and Dean didn't like what he saw. All he could see in his dad's eyes was hard, cold, disappointment, and it hurt. "You tell me," John challenged, and Dean clenched his jaw and lifted his chin a little. "She's coming," he gritted out, "And if you disrespect her in any way..." Dean trailed off hopelessly, his threat falling empty. There was no way he could stand up to his dad like that, when John had nothing to lose and Dean had everything. John looked satisfied with this answer, and he said, "If you want to impress her you better start cleaning up." John gestured to the house, which had definitely seen better days, and went back to reading the paper. Dean glared at him for a moment before heading to the refrigerator and grabbing a leftover slice of pizza for breakfast and leaving the room.

Castiel padded downstairs and found his mom chatting happily to someone on the phone as she cleaned the kitchen. She looked over at Castiel and said, "Oh, he's here. You want to talk to him?" To which she handed the phone to Castiel and he frowned but understood when he heard the voice at the other end of the phone. "Hey bud. Yeah it's me." His mom gave him a warm look and continued cleaning. "Yeah, of course. Oh, okay then. Just remember to keep up the guitar playing okay?" He handed the phone back to his mom and shrugged. "He sounds better." His mom nodded and continued talking on the phone. Castiel went into the living room and started cleaning to help his mom out and concentrate on something that wasn't Dean or the dinner.

(I know that doesn't make any sense but we'll get there just go with it. :D )

(Oh shit... what are you doing?)

When Dean came out of his room a little while later, Sam had just gotten out of the shower and was walking back to his room in a towel. "Hey, Dean. Tonight's the dinner," he said in a quietly concerned voice, and Dean nodded. "Everything's under control. I'm going to call Cassie later," he said with a grim smile, and Sam smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry, I'm sure everything will be fine. And if Dad gets too weird I'll just pretend I'm choking or something," Dean rolled his eyes and shoved Sam's shoulder hard, but he couldn't hide his smile. He really had the most awesome brother ever. Sam shook his wet hair, spraying water all over Dean, and Dean made a face. "Gross, you're worse than a dog." He headed downstairs to begin cleaning up some of the more unsightly things in the house. John had retreated to the garage, much to Dean's relief, and he cleaned peaceful.

Castiel had just finished the living room and he spent the rest of the afternoon going over lines when he got a text from Anna asking for help with what to wear. Castiel took the opportunity to go over to her house to talk to her in person and give her some last minute advice. He helped pick out a neat fitting green jumper and a light cream blouse to sit underneath. It was respectable yet casual along with a pair of jeans. Anna was sat on her bed, curling the ends of her long red hair and talking to Castiel about what she should say and do when Castiel took a picture of her and sent it to Dean for confirmation, 'This okay? x'

Dean was in the middle of sweeping the kitchen floor when he felt his phone go off in his pocket. He took it out and saw the picture of Anna, and he smiled in approval. Castiel had helped choose the outfit obviously, and it looked great. It was something not too fancy, but not exactly too casual, and Dean replied, "you look great, cassie :)" and sent it back to Castiel's phone. As the day passed and the evening drew nearer, Dean was getting more and more nervous. He sent another text, "dad's cooking steak on the grill, is that ok?"

(I'm not doing anything :D Isn't she meant to be a vegan or something..IS THIS A TEST?! What are you doing?)

Castiel felt a bit sick at the term 'Cassie' but he supposed Dean would have to get used to that. Castiel showed Anna the text and she bit her lip, "I'm a vegetarian" Castiel nodded and sent a text, 'Vegetarian, Dean. x' He ran a hand threw his hair and smiled awkwardly over at Anna. "I guess I should get going, you need a lift?" Anna shook her head and hugged Castiel. "I'll be fine. It'll be fine," she promised, pushing him towards the door. Castiel went one way back home and Anna walked the other on her way to Dean's. Once Castiel was home he text, 'You're on your own, love. Good luck. X' Anna twirled with her hair nervously as she stood outside Dean's, knocking on the door timidly as she bit her lip.

(OMFG I forgot... oops! Well, we can make it a test because John's an evil bastard lolol)

Dean got the text, and then he groaned in frustration, going outside to the grill where his dad was just about to prepare the steaks. "Cassie's a vegetarian," He reminded his dad hesitantly, wondering if his dad had forgotten after everything that had happened, but his dad shrugged. "I'm grilling some shrimp and vegetables too." Dean sighed in relief and walked back into the house. He was nervous that none of this would work. It wasn't that he didn't think Anna could do it, he was more worried about himself screwing up. He finished cleaning up, and then ran up the stairs to get dressed into something nicer. Sam set the table and also changed his clothes into something more presentable, and then John came into the room looking remarkably cleaned up, as if he was actually interested in impressing Dean's guest. After a few moments of nervous waiting, there was a knock on the door and Dean opened it to find Anna, looking very pretty and well put together, but also very nervous. He smiled at her reassuringly and then took her hand, leading her into the house to his waiting family. "Dad, Sam, this is Cassie. Cassie, this is my dad and my brother, Sam."

(Haha, sorry I thought it was a test and started freaking out like WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Haha!)

Anna held on to Dean's hand, staying in character in a way. She leant into Dean a little as opposed to look like she didn't want to be anywhere near him. She was doing this for Dean and Castiel she told herself as she smiled nervously up at the two very tall members of Dean's family. "Hello," Anna smiled, extending her hand to John. That's what you were supposed to do at these things right? Be respectable to the parent and treat it like an interview in a way. She wasn't sure. She'd never had a boyfriend so this sort of stuff was new to her. "It's nice to meet you, sir," she added after a slight hesitation through nerves. She still held onto Dean's hand, using it as her counter weight in this insanity.

(HAHAHHSdashaasfh I have no idea what's going on haha!)

Dean bit his lip anxiously and stared at his dad. After a beat, John extended his hand to Anna and shook her hand, and Dean let out a relieved sigh and nodded gratefully at his dad. Sam extended his hand with a warm smile, instantly diffusing any tension between John and Anna, and said, "Hey, it's so nice to finally meet you. Dean won't shut up about you," He said with a teasing glint in his eyes, and Dean actually found himself blushing and pulling Anna closer, his hand moving lightly to the small of her back. "Shall we?" He asked, looking down at her with a small smile. He hoped he wasn't overdoing it, but it needed to be convincing if John was going to believe it.

Anna shook Sam's hand too, grateful that he seemed to be relaxed about what was happening. She wasn't sure if he knew or not but he was being polite and friendly enough to ease Anna a bit. She felt a bit odd when Dean touched her back but bit her lip and leant into the touch nodding with a smile as she tried to push past it and focus on why she was doing this. She followed Dean through to the table and sat down next to Dean. Remembering what Castiel said about touching even if she thought his dad wasn't looking. She leaned her body into Dean a little, knees bent in the way under the table so her body gave off the right language just like Castiel had told her. She smiled over at Sam willing her shyness to disappear if only for an hour. "S-So, Mr Winchester, Dean says you're a mechanic?" She looked up at Dean's dad, worrying she'd said the wrong thing. It was an easy enough subject that kept them clear of their relationship and made it look like Dean had told her these things himself and that their relationship was really. That what Castiel said anyway. If it wasn't for him, she'd be hiding behind her hair right now worrying herself sick.

Dean watched his dad carefully, noticing how Anna had turned her body towards him, and he tried to mirror her body language a little. He reached for her hand under the table and awaited his dad's response. John took a steak from the plate, a small amused smile playing around his features as he looked at Anna, and Dean bit his lip. "Yes, that's right." He didn't say anything else and then took a sip of his water. "But I'm curious about you, Cassie. I don't know what Dean's been telling Sam about you, but he's kept you a secret from me. Why, I don't know, but I'd like to know a little more about you, Cassie." Dean took a deep breath and looked at Anna apologetically, trying to think of a way to make this up to her later.

Anna let out a breath when Dean's dad finally spoke. She wasn't sure if this was just what he was like in general but Anna was trembling a little, intimidated by the man and she held onto Dean's hand tighter. She had to remember that _she _was Cassie before answering. "Oh, okay. Uh, well..I'm an art student mostly," she started, thinking it would be better if she talked about herself, that way it would be easier not to slip up by getting a fact wrong because she'd know the wasn't quite sure what he expected her to say so just smiled sheepishly, looking at Dean briefly as if to ask if he's always like this. "I don't know, what would you like to know?" she asked quietly, starting to hide behind her hair a little, only just slightly.

Dean smiled at her reassuringly, and then carefully reached a hand up to stroke her hair out of her face. "She's shy," Dean said to his dad, but he didn't look away from Anna. He looked at her affectionately and squeezed her hand in reassurance. "Cassie's great at art," Dean told his dad. "She's been working on the sets for the play this past week, I could barely tear her away from it." John nodded slowly, chewing his steak. Sam passed the plate of grilled vegetables to Anna with a small, knowing smile, and Dean grinned gratefully at his brother. Good old reliable Sam. "So, you met Dean in the play?" Dean stiffened a little, sensing the disapproval in his dad's tone, but he tapped the back of Anna's hand encouragingly with his thumb.

Anna took the vegetables from Sam and smiled back between the two boys grateful for their help to get her through this. "Actually we met a little before then," she said, sensing the disapproval in Dean's dad's voice and though it might help to not make everything about the play. Then maybe he might approve of them and get off Dean and Castiel's back. "I was carrying a whole stack of books and bumped into Dean in the hallway," she said, looking at Dean worryingly like she didn't even know what was coming out of her mouth but smoothed it over with a smile when she looked back at his dad. "Like a gentleman he offered to help me and I guess we just became closer after that." She looked back at Dean and smiled, daring to reach out and stroke his cheek briefly as if her words hadn't been convincing enough and she needed to show him that they were genuine.

Dean blushed in relief and grinned at her, feeling more relaxed now. He nodded sheepishly at his dad. "Yeah, not the most interesting way of meeting each other but I'm glad it happened." He looked back at Anna and gave her a small, meaningful smile as he took the plate of grilled vegetables from her and put some on his own plate. He wasn't going to eat the steak if she wasn't, and he thought that would prove a point to his dad. John looked at Dean with a hint of pride, and Dean was momentarily startled. John didn't get proud easily, and Dean was suspicious, but it was a good thing so he tried to accept it and not act too surprised.

Anna ate, glad that had gone reasonably smoothly and she concentrated on eating without choking because she was way too nervous for this. _It's for Dean and Castiel. _She kept telling herself over and over again as he anxiety rose and she felt like the walls were closing in on her. She grabbed for Dean's hand, needing something to focus on otherwise she really was going to have a panic attack. She bit her lip, hiding behind her hair a little as she ate.

Dean tried not to look too startled when Anna grabbed his hand, and he squeezed it back, rubbing soothing circles over the back of her hand. Both of their palms were sweaty and clammy with nerves, but Dean didn't care. They ate in tense silence for a few moments until Sam saved the day and said to Anna, "Hey, aren't you in my gym class?" He asked Anna, and Dean looked at him in confusion. He didn't know if Anna had gym with Sam, but whatever Sam was going at he hoped it worked.

Anna looked confused to but she pulled it off to make it look like she was just thinking and go along with whatever Sam was playing at. "Yeah, I-I think so. Maybe." she answered, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. She kept hold of Dean's hand as she felt a fresh wave of nerves flow through her and she could feel Dean's dad staring at her and it was beginning to freak her out a bit.

Sam grinned. "Oh, because I just wanted to ask.. did you see that kid get knocked out by a softball the other day? Because apparently he has a perfectly circular bruise right in the middle of his forehead and it looks like a third eye." Dean snorted and John shot Sam a look. "That's hardly dinner talk, Sam." He scolded mildly. Dean was laughing quietly into his napkin, looking at Sam with bemusement. That was one of the most random things he could've said, but at least it saved the awkwardness of the dinner. Even John was trying to hide his smile now, and Dean couldn't resist asking, "Who was it?" to which Sam replied, "Some kid named Andy. I don't really know him. He had to go to the hospital because he had a concussion," Sam said sympathetically, "But at least he has a really cool bruise to show off." Dean smiled reassuringly at Anna, encouraging her to participate in the conversation if she knew what happened. He gave Sam an appreciative look.

Anna laughed quietly, hiding behind her hair. She shook her head, "I must have missed that." She wondered if the story was true or whether Sam was just making things up to make conversation but she was glad for it. It saved them the trouble of actually talking about serious things. She saw Dean's dad lighten up a little because of it and she relaxed visibly a little glad to have some of the tension off. She looked over at Dean and smiled sheepishly before returning to her food and finishing her plate. She waited until everyone was finished before standing to take the plates and wash them up to be polite as the guest.

The rest of the meal went much easier, and Dean was so relieved he could cry. John was no longer pressuring them with tricky questions, and thanks to Sam the mood was light. After they were finished, Anna began gathering up their plates, but John shook his head. "You don't have to do that," he told her, standing up and taking the plates from her. Sam hopped up and grabbed the plates from his dad. "I got it," he said, and hurriedly brought them to the kitchen and put them in the sink. He was back before John could even say anything else, and everyone was standing around the table.

Anna bit her lip, unsure what to do with herself. She was willing to escape to the kitchen whilst everyone moved away so she could slip out easily. Now everyone was just standing there and she felt really awkward. "Thank you for inviting me for dinner, Mr Winchester," she said, having literally nothing else to say, hiding behind her hair a little in embarrassment.

"Thank you for joining us," John replied politely, "It was a pleasure to have you." And was that actually a smile? John seemed to genuinely approve of her. Dean gave his dad a pleased smile and then put his arm around Anna's waist. "I'll drive you home," he said to her. He knew roughly where she lived and it was the nicest thing to do. He walked her out to the door, aware that John was watching them, and then when they got close to the door he turned to face her and leaned close, putting his hands on her waist and putting his lips by her ear where John couldn't see, and whispered, "I really owe you,"

Anna leaned into Dean's touch remembering that his dad could still see them. She got into the car and smiled back up at the house where John was still standing before turning back to Dean. "It's okay, I'm just glad I could help," he shrugged, hiding behind her hair to calm herself down. "You think he bought it?" she asked as they drove away and calmed down considerably, tension draining from her shoulders.

Dean nodded. He was sure his dad believed their act. "I can't believe it worked," He said with a wide grin. They were okay for now, and Dean was glad about that, even though he knew that this temporary act couldn't last forever. But it didn't make sense to worry about the uncertain future; it was better to just live in the present and enjoy things as they were. "Seriously, though. I'll buy you anything you want, literally anything, just tell me what. You're an angel, Anna. I could kiss you, but that would be weird."

Anna giggled, "Save the kissing for Castiel. I'm just glad you're both okay now." She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and directed Dean to her house. She was about to get out when she said, "Although, it would be nice to have dinner with you guys sometime. All hang out at the burger joint or something," she suggested with a shrug before getting out the car and smiling back at Dean. "See you at school," she smiled before walking back into her house and let out a huge sigh in relief.

Dean blushed and smirked a little at the mention of kissing Castiel. As Anna was getting out of the car, he nodded enthusiastically. "Yes. That's a great idea, just let me know when you wanna do that. I'm buying," he insisted stubbornly, desperate to pay Anna back for the huge favor. "I can't thank you enough, Anna. You really saved our asses. I'll see you tomorrow," Dean waved at her with a joyful smile and waited until she got in before driving away. When he got back to his house he was still smiling like an idiot, and he looked in the mirror and messed his hair up and licked his lips before walking back into the house, hoping to provide the image that he'd just been kissing his girlfriend. He walked in with a goofy smile and headed up to his room, waving cheerily at his Dad and Sam who had finished cleaning up the kitchen and were watching baseball on TV. He went up to his room, closed and locked the door, and flopped on his bed in relief before calling Cas.

Castiel had petted Amber so many times she looked like she was about to bite but he couldn't help it. He was sat nervously on his bed waiting for Dean to tell him what had happened because no matter how hard he tried he couldn't not think about the dinner. Anna was shy and reserved and Mr. Winchester was a bully, the two didn't exactly mix easily and Anna would really have to play up to her part if she was to make it convincing which was asking a lot of her. His phone buzzed and he picked it up almost instantly, "Dean, is everything okay? Do you need to come over? Is Anna okay? What happened?"

Dean closed his eyes and smiled widely, relaxing into the mattress as Castiel's voice washed over him. "Shh, everything's fine, Cas. It went well." He felt bad that Castiel had been worrying the whole time and unable to participate or know what was going on. "Anna was great, she did really well and my dad totally bought it," Dean made sure he was talking in a hushed voice, because he didn't want a repeat of last time they'd been on the phone and then he'd have more explaining to do.

Castiel let out a breath in relief. "Oh God, Dean," he breathed, welling up a little. He'd been ready for the inevitable disaster that usually came when Castiel was involved that he felt overwhelmed that it had gone so well. "That's great news. I'm so proud of you both," he sighed, wiping the corners of his eyes. "God, I wish I could see you. I don't think I can wait until Monday."

Dean hugged his pillow to his chest, wishing it was Cas. "I wanna kiss you so bad," he told Cas. He agreed, Monday was too far away and Dean just needed to touch Castiel and hang onto him for dear life. He was a little shaky still since their plan had actually worked and gone through as expected, and Dean was so relieved he wanted to cry. "I just wish we didn't have to get her involved in this, but she was amazing."

"Me too, love," he sighed, holding Amber close. "But we're just going to have to wait..it'll be worth it," he promised with a smile. "I'm glad to hear it. We'll have to buy them dinner or something, Anna and Sam, to say thanks." Castiel sighed, rubbing his eyes. "I'm happy to hear it went so well but I need to sleep..I'm seeing Jimmy tomorrow." he said before stopping himself. "I..uh,at church..gotta go church," he muttered, slapping his head for letting something like that slip.

Dean agreed completely, it would only be fair to buy Sam and Anna dinner. And it would be interesting and fun for all of them to hang out, Dean thought. He frowned in confusion at the mention of the name Jimmy. "Who's Jimmy?" He asked bluntly, aware that Cas hadn't meant to say that and was trying to cover it up. He had no idea who this Jimmy person was, and he couldn't identify the emotion in Castiel's voice.

(... I'm scared... D: what are you doing? ahh)

"I-I..It's no one, love," he said not so convincingly. He didn't want to have to explain Jimmy, not yet. There was already so much going on. he didn't need to burden Dean with this. "Just this old guy at church, I help sing the hymns with," he lied but with good reason.

Dean frowned worriedly as Castiel denied it and then told Dean Jimmy was an old guy at church... he couldn't place what exactly was wrong, but there was something off about Castiel's tone and it made Dean nervous. Maybe Jimmy really was an old guy at church, but it sounded like Cas was lying and the fact that he'd felt the need to hide it only added to Dean's uneasiness. Why couldn't Cas just tell him? A thread of nervous jealousy was working its way into Dean's thoughts. "Okay," he said distantly.

Castiel bit his lip worryingly, he didn't want Dean thinking he was seeing another guy because that's what it sounded like a little and Castiel felt sick that it should ever sound like that but he couldn't tell Dean the truth, not yet. "I love you," he said sincerely, not wanting Dean to be in a mood with him. Jimmy was harmless and not what Dean thought of it at all. Why had he been so stupid and mentioned him?! "Dean? You still there, love?" he asked quietly.

Dean took a deep breath after a moment and realized he was being ridiculous. "Yeah," he said softly, "Yeah, I'm still here. I love you, Cas." He tried to calm down the nervous, jealous energy that had gotten his heart beating. He'd known it was possible, Cas had known he was gay for years and there very well might have been other guys, just like Dean had had girlfriends before, but he didn't even know if this was who Jimmy was. He relaxed and told himself it was okay, that he trusted Cas with his life and nobody would ever come between them. "You sound exhausted," he said gently, "You should get some rest, babe."

Castiel bit his lip, he didn't want to leave things like this. He didn't want Dean to think he was cheating on him because lets face it, Dean wasn't likely to buy the story with the guy at church. All he would have heard was the name Jimmy and then gone off into his own little world and thinking the worst. "Dean..you know you're the only one I've ever been with, right?" he asked softly, wanting to reassure Dean that it was definitely not what he was thinking.

Dean closed his eyes guiltily. He hadn't meant to give Cas the message that he was suspicious and jealous, and it wasn't even fair of him to feel jealous. Dean had had girlfriends before and Cas never brought it up, and hearing Castiel say that Dean was the only one just made him feel worse. "Cas, I didn't mean..." He sighed, unsure of what exactly he wanted to say. "I didn't mean it like that. Your past doesn't make any difference about you, and honestly, I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have you."

Castiel let out a breath in relief, glad Dean wasn't upset or annoyed over this. "I know it doesn't I just didn't want you to think..Jimmy he's not.." Castiel was struggling to find a way to explain Jimmy without it involving follow up questions. "..it's just not like that, Dean." he assured lamely. "Listen, I have to get some sleep. I'll talk to you Monday, okay?"

Dean still felt a little uneasy, but he trusted Cas. "Okay, I'll see you Monday, Cas." Dean got up off of his bed after ending the call and changed into sweatpants and a tee shirt to sleep. He shuffled back to bed and dove under the covers, pleased that the dinner was a success. He fell asleep quickly and looked forward to Monday, when he could see Cas again.

Castiel felt bad about keeping Jimmy a secret but there was just too much going on, he couldn't expect Dean to carry this as well. Castiel had enough baggage when it came to his family. He was afraid this might just be the tipping point. Castiel fell into a restless sleep and awoke to the agitated sound of his alarm. He got dressed into a pair of jeans and plain blue t-shirt and padded downstairs. He found a note from his mom saying she got called into work and he'd have to make it to Jimmy's by himself. The problem being Jimmy's was in the city, an hour away "Shit," he muttered, running a hand through his hair. He bit his nervously when the only option that seemed available to him was to call Dean. There was no way he could cancel on Jimmy. That was never an option. "Shit," he muttered again, taking out his phone in annoyance and dialling Dean's number. "Dean, I hate to bother you this early but I could really use a ride."

(I know he can ride a motorcycle but I figure this way I can get Dean in the story plus Castiel could be afraid to ride out on the highway or something..I don't know..)

(Yeah, that makes sense. Oh, the suspense!)

Dean woke up to the sound of his phone ringing right beside his head, and he groaned and picked it up. It was too early for someone to call him. When he saw that it was Cas, though, Dean woke up a little more and answered immediately. "Huh?" He said eloquently, "You need a ride where?" His voice was rough with sleep and his mind was still not completely awake, but he could understand that it was Sunday and Cas usually went to church on Sundays, so this was a little weird.

Castiel scratched the back of his head in embarrassment, he really wished Dean didn't have to find out this way. "I..I need you to drive me to the city..to see Jimmy," he said quietly. "I wouldn't ask but my mom is at work and I can't ride out on the highway on my motorcycle 'cause I haven't practised enough and I don't feel confident doing so but I really need to see Jimmy otherwise he might..I just, please Dean?" he said quickly, working himself into a stress.

Dean was more awake now, and he sat up, slowly swinging his legs over the bed as he frowned in confusion. Castiel sounded anxious as hell and Dean was getting a little scared himself, so he said, "Okay, okay, I'll take you. Just... would you mind telling me who the hell Jimmy is?" Dean winced a little; he hadn't meant for his words to come out that harshly. But he waited for Cas to respond as he got out of bed and headed over to his dresser to find some clothes to wear. His stomach fluttered nervously.

Castiel sighed heavily, relieved Dean would take him but nervous about telling Dean about Jimmy. He supposed he'd have to seeing as Dean was taking time out of his Sunday to take Castiel to the city. The least he could do is explain himself a bit. "He..He's my brother," he said quietly, sitting down on one of the stools in the kitchen. "Jimmy's my brother," he said more clearly, with a slight nod.

"You have another brother?" Dean asked, his frown deepening in confusion. He knew about Michael, Lucifer, Gabriel and Balthazar, but Jimmy? Dean had never heard of him before. He had so many questions. Why hadn't Castiel ever mentioned him? Why was he trying to keep him a secret? Why didn't he live with Castiel's family? It was clearly a sensitive topic, and Dean didn't really know what to say. He bit his lip nervously.

"Yeah, he's actually my twin," Castiel added nervously, as he could hear the tension where Dean was clearly stopping himself from asking a thousand questions. "Could you just..come and get me, please? I don't want to keep him waiting," Castiel said a little impatiently. He felt really awkward and nervous now and didn't know how to talk to Dean about this. Only his family knew and it was just easier with them because they'd grown up with it. He didn't know how Dean would react.

Dean was completely baffled now. He had no idea what was going on, so he just said absently, "I'll be there in ten minutes," And hung up the phone to get dressed and brush his teeth. Sam and John were still asleep, and Dean snuck downstairs and got into his car and drove to Castiel's house. He was really nervous about this, because he had no idea what to expect. The idea of Castiel having a twin was weird to him, because he'd never imagined there being anyone else like Cas.

Castiel went upstairs and brushed his teeth, fed Amber and splashed water on his face before pacing the hallway waiting for Dean. He heard the familiar engine outside and ran out the door, closing it behind him and getting into the passenger seat of the Impala he smiled sheepishly, hugging Dean tightly. "Hey, I'm sorry about this. I just don't have any other way of getting there."

Dean hugged him back, but the smile didn't really meet his eyes. It was good to see Cas, though, despite all the nervous energy and questions flowing through his mind. "No problem," he reassured as he backed away, "But seriously, what's the deal with Jimmy? You never said anything about him before," Dean asked carefully as he pulled out of the driveway and started heading in the direction of the city.

Castiel sighed, looking at his hands in his lap. "It's just..there was enough going on with Gabriel and Balthazar I just didn't want to mention him yet. He's fine..it's just..not many people can accept him," he said quietly to his hands. "My family is messed up enough, I just wanted you to see me for me before judging me based on my family like most people do. I'm sorry I never told you, I just guess I was afraid of what you might say. I don't want to see him get hurt."

Dean bit his lip and took one hand off the steering wheel to grip Castiel's. "Cas, you trust me, don't you? Because you know that I'll never judge you because of what your family's like. They don't make you who you are, you make yourself who you are and that's all that matters. I really love you and I don't care what your family's like, they're not gonna scare me away." He gave Cas a small smile at that last part and squeezed his hand reassuringly. True, Dean was still nervous about Jimmy, but there was no way that was going to change his feelings towards Castiel.

"I trust you with my life," Castiel replied instantly, holding Dean's hand tightly. He nodded and smiled a little at Dean's words, grateful to have someone in his life who was so supportive of him. "I love you, too, Dean," he smiled. The journey didn't take too long and once in the city Castiel directed Dean to a large gray building with the sign, 'Psychiatric Hospital' written in large letters. When the car stopped Castiel took a deep breath and bit his lip nervously, "I want you to meet him, Dean."

Dean pulled into the parking lot of the psychiatric hospital and felt his heart rate increase with nerves. He put the car in park and stared out the windshield uncertainly for a moment. "Okay," he said quietly, "But are you sure that's a good idea? I mean..." Dean didn't know what exactly Jimmy's diagnosis was and he didn't want to upset the guy or trigger him in any way, and he wanted to be absolutely sure Castiel was comfortable with them meeting.

Castiel bit his lip, taking both of Dean's hands in his. "I'm sure. You're my world, Dean and.. I'm Jimmy's. I think it's only fair I show you to him. I was just hoping to do it once everything had calmed down a bit, you know?" He took a deep breath getting the courage to step out of the car and walk into the hospital with Dean's hand laced with his. They signed in and put all their valuables in a box and Castiel led them up the stairs and to the day room, hesitating by the door to look up at Dean. "Are you sure you're okay with this? You can still go if you don't want to."

Dean wasn't entirely comfortable with this, because it was something that Castiel had never mentioned to him and it was a family matter, but he nodded firmly. If Castiel wanted him here then Dean wasn't going anywhere. He was worried that Jimmy wouldn't like him and not approve of his relationship with Castiel, but Dean had no clue what Jimmy was like. He squeezed Castiel's hand and nodded again.


	18. Chapter 18

Castiel reached up to kiss Dean softly, more to reassure himself this was happening than anything before walking with Dean into the day room. He looked around before finding Jimmy in a quiet corner, rocking softly back and forth as he played quietly on a guitar. Music only allowed on weekends and at certain times of the day. He squeezed Dean's hand and they came and sat in front of Jimmy. Castiel waited until his brother had stopped playing. He'd learnt long ago to allow him to reach a certain point before trying to disturb the sequence otherwise his reactions would proceed to trigger his Trichotillomania, which of course, combined with Autism did not bode well. Jimmy stopped playing after he'd reached the right point and looked up at Castiel, his eyes not quite reaching his face. "Castiel," Jimmy greeted quietly with a small smile. He reached out for Castiel's arm, slipping his fingers just under his shirt sleeve to count the scars on the inside of his arm. "Still only nine," he concluded, sounding surprised more than relieved. Castiel's eyes flickered over to Dean. He was used to it but having Dean here with him made the act feel a little odd. "That's right buddy, and I see your hairs growing back too." Castiel smiled. "I brought my boyfriend, Dean. You wanna meet him?" Castiel asked carefully. Jimmy looked hesitant and shifted his body to hide in on itself a little but he nodded and looked up at Dean with wide eyes, "46 freckles, interesting. Castiel only has three," Jimmy commented instantly, turning his gaze back to the floor.

Dean followed Castiel over to the corner of the room, where there was a guy sitting playing a guitar. Dean was startled by the resemblance to Castiel. The only thing different about them was that Jimmy's hair was thin and patchy in spots, and very short. But his face was almost exactly like Castiel's, and it was strange. Dean looked back and forth between Jimmy and Cas with wide eyes, amazed at the similarities between them. He was even playing the guitar. Dean and Cas sat quietly in front of him and Dean watched Jimmy's fingers pluck at the strings quietly, head bent forward in concentration. When he stopped and looked up, Dean held his breath, not sure what was going to happen. Jimmy's voice was a little higher and softer than Castiel's, and Dean watched curiously as he slipped his fingers under Castiel's sleeve, and then he realized Jimmy was counting Castiel's scars. He glanced at Castiel and then looked back at Jimmy. He blushed when Jimmy looked right at him for a moment and immediately counted his freckles before turning back to the floor. Dean smiled in amazement and turned to Castiel. "Wow," he murmured, looking at Jimmy. "That's amazing, how'd you do that?"

Jimmy looked a little startled by the unfamiliar voice but he trusted Castiel enough to bring someone who wouldn't hurt him. "It's difficult to explain," he said quietly, looking at Dean's shoes rather than his face. He counted the number of dirt splatters on the boy's shoes and shook his head looking back at Castiel. He'd been learning to control his repetitive behaviour, ignoring the urge to count things. They'd been giving him medicine to calm him down, to not think as much but when something new entered his environment he couldn't help it. Castiel gave Dean a smile in assurance. "Why is it only nine?" he fixated on, looking his brother almost in the eye, never quite managing to do so even after all this time. "Gabriel wasn't worthy enough to be the tenth," Castiel smiled softly. Jimmy shook his head, fingers reaching for his hair but he grabbed at his neck, fingers dragging over the skin to keep the temptation at bay. "You've changed him, Dean. He should have been the tenth, how did you do that?" he asked curiously.

Dean bit his lip as he watched the twins interact. It was very unusual and Dean still felt like he was intruding on their time together, but when Jimmy asked him a direct question he was caught off guard and didn't know what to say. "Uh... I don't know how to answer that," he admitted sheepishly, feeling another embarrassed blush creep across his face. He looked at Castiel dazedly. Was he really the reason there were only nine cuts instead of ten? Dean shivered slightly at the thought that he could have affected Castiel's life so much and not even realize how. He squeezed Castiel's hand and looked at the floor thoughtfully. "I... I didn't even think he would do it, I guess," Dean said finally, realizing that after Gabriel had attacked Castiel, Dean hadn't even considered the possibility that Cas would want to hurt himself, and he hadn't. He felt bad for not even thinking of it, but he also knew that he wouldn't let it happen.

Castiel chewed the inside of his cheek, looking between Jimmy and Dean. He'd never get over how easily Jimmy could analyze his life like that. He was used to being so open with Jimmy, it was the only way you could get a response out of him if you were honest with him. Jimmy had a faint smile on his lips, his arms curling around to hug his body, the guitar already placed perfectly on the floor and out the way. Castiel leaned back a little, giving Jimmy his space. "Ten is a nice number, Castiel.'" he commented absently. "Will you let me be ten?" Castiel looked lost, searching Jimmy's downcast eyes. He looked like he'd just been punched in the stomach. "Jimmy, I am not discussing this with you again," he said softly but firmly. Jimmy broke out into a grin, laughing as if he hadn't even implied such a thing as suicide. Castiel sighed, squeezing Dean's hand and hoping Dean would soon realize why he had kept this a secret. "You had lunch yet, Jimmy?" Castiel asked. Jimmy nodded, laughter subsiding and his face smoothing out into a serious expression. "We had burgers, but my bun had 26 sesame seeds a-and Claire only had 25. It's ludicrous. H-How do they expect me to get better when they do things like this to me?"

Dean bit his lip and looked between the two of them nervously, uncertain of what was happening between them. He didn't say anything, because this was between them and Dean didn't want to cause any problems. It was difficult to understand, but Dean could see that they cared deeply for each other and understood each other. He squeezed Castiel's hand in return and looked at him steadily before glancing back at Jimmy. Dean had only been in the same room with Jimmy for a matter of minutes, but already he could see that his moods shifted unpredictably and Dean sat still and silent, not wanting to say or do anything to upset him.

Castiel smiled sadly, "They're just trying to help, bud." Jimmy nodded, "I understand that..it's just difficult at times." Castiel held out his hand carefully in front of Jimmy and he tilted his head, narrowing his eyes a fraction as he counted every creases and detail, comparing them with previous data before taking the hand for a brief moment. Castiel squeezed his hand gently before Jimmy looked away, slipping his hand from Castiel's and sitting on it. He smiled sheepishly, feeling giddy that he'd managed to work up to doing that. Castiel smiled and looked over at Dean briefly. Jimmy stood, walking around them awkwardly, trying to remain a certain distance from them. "I need to g-get something," he said before running off to his room. Castiel squeezed Dean's hand, "Are you okay?" he asked uncertainly. This was a big step for them and Castiel was worried what Dean thought.

Dean watched in fascination as Castiel extended his hand and Jimmy hesitantly took it in his, before pulling away and grinning at the floor. Dean didn't understand it, but clearly it was something significant. For a brief moment, Castiel was joined to both his brother and to Dean. Jimmy suddenly got up and left, and Dean watched him go, slightly baffled. When he was gone, he turned to Castiel. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said, smiling reassuringly and kissing Castiel's cheek. "Are you and him okay? Is Jimmy alright with me being here?" He asked gently. He couldn't get used to the fact that Castiel had a twin brother, it was really surprising. And Dean understood his need to protect him. Jimmy was vulnerable and could get hurt easily, and Dean was determined to earn his trust.

Castiel smiled, "Think we're better than okay. I haven't seen him this happy in months." It was probably hard to tell for Dean but Castiel could see it. Jimmy's hair was growing back and he hadn't had an episode in a while. Things seemed to be looking up. "I think he likes you, Dean. You're doing great," he smiled, kissing him briefly. He could understand how hard this must be for Dean to come to terms with but he was being quiet and considerate with his actions to keep Jimmy from turning which Castiel was grateful for. Jimmy soon returned, taking his time to sit back down as he adjust back to the right angle facing the rest of the room. "What you got there, bud?" Castiel asked softly. Jimmy grinned, holding out a picture of their mom that Castiel had helped him draw last time Castiel and his mom visited. "I finished it," he said with a small smile. The sketch was finely detailed but the paper was crumpled where it was obvious the stress had gotten to Jimmy and he'd screwed it up before calming down again and continuing.

Dean felt warmth pool in his chest at Castiel's words, and he wrapped an arm around his waist and rested his cheek on his boyfriend's shoulder as Jimmy came back. Dean peered at the paper curiously; it was a finely detailed and accurate drawing of Mrs. Novak, and Dean smiled in amazement. Jimmy was so similar to Castiel, with the guitar and the artwork. "That's awesome," Dean said softly, leaning just a little closer to look at the picture, but was careful not to make any sudden movements to startle Jimmy. "You're really talented," he added tentatively, glancing up at Jimmy carefully and then looking back at the picture he'd drawn. He tried imitating Castiel's actions with Jimmy, because he was his brother and knew him best, and Dean didn't want Jimmy to be nervous around him.

Jimmy hid in on himself a little when Dean spoke. He knew he was only being polite but every instinct told him to curl up on himself. He managed a slight nod and a faint smile to acknowledge him but was unable to verbalize to Castiel's boyfriend his thanks. "I want her to have this," Jimmy said quietly, placing the picture on the floor and adjusting it until it sat right before allowing Castiel to take it. "I'll be sure to give it to her," Castiel assured with a small smile. He looked over at the staff monitoring them and Castiel sighed, "We should probably get going, call me next week okay?" Jimmy nodded, taking a deep breath before reaching out to cover his hand briefly over Castiel's again. "Ten," he promised, meeting Castiel's eyes only for a second before moving away completely and running to his room. Castiel sighed, picking up the picture and standing up and walking with Dean out of the day room before deflating completely with a heavy sigh.

Dean kept a hand steady on Castiel's waist as they walked out of the room and stood in the hallway. "You okay?" He asked gently, concerned at Castiel's reaction. He couldn't imagine what Cas must be feeling right now, but all he knew was that it must be difficult. Dean couldn't imagine seeing Sam in a psychiatric hospital with a mental disorder, but he knew that Castiel's family had been coping with this for a long time. Dean curled his arm around Castiel's middle and pulled him against his side, kissing him softly on the cheek and holding him steady.

"No," he said, his voice weak and he looked like he hadn't slept for days. He pushed Dean away lightly when they got to the reception to claim their stuff back. "Could you keep an eye on J Novak for me please?" he asked the receptionist who gave him a curious look. "I think..I think he might turn again," he said shakily. The woman nodded and made a note of it to send to the nurses. Once he and Dean got outside Castiel had to take in deep gulps of air, supporting himself against the car as he tried to compose himself.

Dean's eyes widened in worry and he stood beside Cas outside the car. "Cas, what do you mean, he might turn again? Did I do something wrong? What happened?" Seeing Castiel panic like this was making Dean feel sick, and he bit his lip and ran a hand through his hair tensely. He didn't touch Castiel, not wanting to set him off when he was so obviously on edge right now, but he stood close enough so that Castiel could reach for him if he wanted. Dean was lost, he had no idea what was happening, he only knew that it was his fault.

Castiel shook his head, "You didn't do anything wrong." His voice was soft and quiet, afraid he might just break down in the parking lot. He cupped Dean's cheek, searching the other's face, grasping at the familiarity to ground himself with. "Dean..he wasn't..he's not getting better. That was just a front..he was just saying.. goodbye." A single tear ran down his cheek and he felt his knees finally buckle and he clung to Dean for support.

Dean caught Cas as he collapsed and held him close, lowering him gently to the ground between the cars, where nobody would see them unless they happened to walk by. Dean hugged Castiel close to his chest as he cried, and rubbed his hand in wide soothing circles on Castiel's back, wishing he could do something to help. "Oh, Cas," he murmured sadly. He'd seen how much Cas cared about Jimmy, and it hurt Dean to see that love betrayed. "Maybe you're wrong," he whispered hopefully, desperate for Castiel to be wrong. But Castiel and Jimmy were twins, and twins often had that special connection that other people couldn't understand. Castiel knew his brother better than anyone, and Dean was grasping at empty hope.

Castiel crumpled into a heap on the floor, curled up in Dean's arms. He shook violently as he let out his silent tears. "He promised me, Dean. Weren't you listening?" he choked out as he curled up tighter in Dean's arms. "And the ass knows he's right too," Castiel laughed humourlessly. "Gabriel wasn't worth it, but he is and he knows that," Castiel sobbed. "He's finally getting better..but he's not. Not really. He only wants to die with some dignity, some strength and he wants to prove to this world that his illness doesn't control him. He does.." Castiel shuddered out a breath, "He's talked about it before but..I never thought he'd go through with it and he will. There's no stopping him, Dean."

Dean's throat closed up and he rested his chin on the top of Castiel's head, staring out into the distance and gathering Castiel up in his arms, trying his best to hold him together. Tears fell from his own eyes as he held Castiel, but he tried to stay strong for Cas. Dean liked Jimmy, for the short amount of time he'd known him, and he didn't want him to commit suicide any more than Cas did. Dean knew it would absolutely break him, and he wasn't sure if he'd be able to help. "Cas, maybe you should try talking to him again," Dean suggested desperately, hating the way his voice cracked. He sighed shakily and tightened his grip on Castiel.

Castiel shook his head, "I wouldn't know what to do. Telling him not to do something will only encourage him." He let out a shaky breath, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "I've told them. They can keep him under surveillance and up his meds but..what can I do? He's said his peace..I-I can't stop him, Dean. I've tried before and I just ended up making him suffer more." Castiel sobbed, clutching at Dean's shirt. "I love him so much, Dean. I-I can't live without him. I don't know what I'm going to do without him."

"You need to tell him that, then," Dean tried, although he didn't know if Castiel had expressed that to his brother. Dean's chest knotted up unpleasantly as he imagined the pain Castiel must be going through right now. He tried putting himself in Castiel's place, replacing Jimmy with Sam, and he couldn't bear to think about it. He cradled the back of Castiel's head and stroked his hair gently. "Cas... he loves you too, anyone can see that." Dean pressed his lips against Castiel's temple and held him as he trembled in Dean's arms. He didn't know what to do.

Castiel sniffed, trying to pull himself together as he clutched onto Dean for support. His head felt light and the world seemed to be spinning around them, leaving Castiel behind in this slow tormenting pace. "I'm sure he knows," Castiel said with a low tremor in his voice. He wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, kissing his jaw as he tried to stop the tears from falling. "I'm sorry you had to see this."

Dean kissed Castiel's lips gently, reaching a hand up to wipe away his tears with his thumb. Cas looked completely wrecked, and he was shaking with the realization that his brother no longer wanted to live. Part of Dean was angry at Jimmy for doing this to Castiel, and if the circumstances were different Dean wouldn't hesitate to talk to Jimmy, but he didn't know if that would be a good idea. "Cas. What do you want to do? Do you want to stay here and make sure he's okay or do you just want to leave?" He asked gently, stroking Castiel's face with his thumb. "Cas, just tell me how I can help, you're breaking my heart." He said in a shaky voice.

Castiel took a deep breath and smiled sadly at Dean, his lips quivering as they twitched as he tried to smooth out his smile. "I can't leave him," Castiel said, shaking his head. It didn't feel right, just to let Jimmy go like that. He wasn't ready. He'd never be ready to say goodbye to his twin, his brother. He stood up shakily and headed towards the entrance with determination. He could do this. He wasn't going to let him go. He practically chucked his valuables at the woman and signed in his name. He sped walk through the building, practically running by the time he got to Jimmy's room. He couldn't explain why, call it one of the links between twins but something didn't sit right in the air. An orderly stopped him and told him, "You can't be in here, visitors are to proceed to the Day Room only." Castiel shook his head, his brother was in the room right behind the orderly. "I can't. I just need to-" he said gesturing to the door behind the man but he stopped Castiel and began pushing him in the other direction. Castiel suddenly lashed out, pushing the man back with strength he didn't know he possessed and pushed open the door to Jimmy's room. The orderly had gotten to his feet and was about to pull Castiel back when he stopped in his tracks as he watched the boy fall to his knees, choking on silent sobs as he reached out to brush back the hair of his dead brother.

Dean scrambled to his feet and chased Castiel into the building, but Castiel was going too quick and Dean lost him around a corner. "Cas!" he called, starting to panic. He looked down each hallway he passed, ignoring the concerned looks he got from nurses and orderlies in the hallway, and skidded to a halt when he saw Cas struggling with an orderly in a hall. Dean broke into a run, not sure what exactly he was going to do, but then Cas shoved the man to the ground and opened the door. Dean paused breathlessly next to the orderly, who was on his feet again, and stared in horror at the scene in the room. Castiel on his knees beside Jimmy, who was unresponsive. Dean pushed past the man and stumbled into the room, dropping to his knees beside Jimmy before either Castiel or the orderly could react, and felt for a pulse in his neck. There was none. Panicking, Dean lowered his face to Jimmy's, but he felt no air coming from his lips. Dean looked up at the orderly wide-eyed. "Do something!" He yelled, "Get help!"

Castiel was silent. There was no point. He was dead and everything Castiel ever felt with him. His fingertips burnt as he touched Jimmy's cooling skin. His heart pounded with heavy burden against his chest, every breath drawn came ragged and short. The orderly went and called the nurses to help him and their first priority was to get Castiel and Dean out the room but Castiel was having none of it. Castiel wrapped his arms around Jimmy, pulling him into the corner with him away from the nurses. "You can't take him from me," he spat, angry tears rolling down his cheeks. Jimmy's lifeless body flopped, his head drooping against Castiel's leg as Castiel moved him up to cradle his body. He rocked them softly, sobbing into Jimmy's shoulder. Everything else was a blur, Dean, the nurses, everything. The one person he was supposed to keep safe was gone. The one thing in his life he could rely on to always be there waiting for him was gone. Castiel felt empty and numb and struggled for breath as the realization dawned on him that this was the first time he'd ever hugged his brother.

Dean could only watch in horror as Castiel's shaking hand touched Jimmy's lifeless face, and it was one of the most disturbing, chilling images Dean had ever seen. Jimmy looked just like Castiel, and Dean shivered and wrapped his arms around himself, forcing himself to look away. Nurses rushed into the room and the scene grew more chaotic as Castiel suddenly scrambled across the room and pulled Jimmy with him into the corner, wrapping his arms around his dead brother tightly as nurses tried to pry Castiel's arms loose and subdue him. "No," Dean said weakly, standing up on trembling legs. He felt sick. Nobody payed any attention to him, so he staggered over to the nurses who was trying to get Castiel away from Jimmy and tugged on her arm. "No!" he yelled roughly, "Leave him alone!" His voice was completely wrecked, and somebody was grabbing Dean's arm. Dean whirled around and yanked his arm out of the orderly's grasp. More people were coming in the room, and Dean kept struggling. "Leave him alone!" He screamed, "Stop, give him a moment, dammit!" Dean's loud voice startled the nurses and they stopped what they were doing momentarily, and Dean shoved past them and stood defensively in front of Castiel and Jimmy, glaring at everyone and breathing hard. "Don't touch him," he growled, meeting each and every one of their eyes.

(I think 'cause Jimmy's been planning it a while I think he might have stocked up his medication to overdoes on it or something like that. Because he couldn't exactly hang himself because they wouldn't have anything long enough in their rooms to do that. I don't know, just go with it :D)

Castiel could hear Dean shouting but it came in distorted and muffled sounds that were but background noise to Castiel. He kept his eyes on Jimmy's face, really studying his brother in a way he couldn't before. His face always turned down or looking away. Castiel had never really had a chance to see him like this and now Castiel was beginning to wish he never had. Castiel could almost see a smile on Jimmy's face which only caused Castiel to choke up even more. His tears splashed down onto Jimmy's cheek as he brushed back his brother's hair, kissing his temple once before taking a deep breath and standing shakily to his feet. He put Jimmy to bed, wrapping the covers around him and making it seem like he was just tucking his buddy into bed. He took a look at his face one last time, memorizing it to heart. "G-Goodbye, Jimmy," he breathed, taking a step back and pushing past whoever was standing in his way and walking out the room and collapsing in the hallway where their were less people.

Everybody in the room fell silent and watched as Castiel carried Jimmy to the bed and pulled the covers up to his shoulders. Nobody moved as Castiel walked out of the room and into the hallway. It took Dean a moment to remember how to breathe, and he carefully followed Castiel after a few seconds of unmoving silence. He didn't look anyone in the eye as he left, feeling dizzy and lightheaded, as if he were in a dream. Well, more of a nightmare. It didn't take him long to find Cas. He was slumped against the wall, and his eyes looked dead. Dean cautiously approached him, trying to find his voice. Tears blurred his eyes, and Dean hadn't even realized he'd been crying in the hospital room, and he stopped walking a few feet away from Cas, not sure if Cas wanted him there or not. Grief was a difficult thing, something Dean had dealt with himself and still did occasionally, but everyone coped differently and Dean didn't want to make things worse. "Cas?" He asked quietly.

Castiel steeled himself up, using what energy he had left to turn around and look over at Dean. His eyes hollow and raw from crying. His whole face blank and drained from the ability to show any emotion that wasn't completely zombified. He managed to take a few steps forward towards Dean, pretty sure he looked like Bambi learning to walk. He wrapped his arms tightly around Dean's neck, burrowing his face in the crook of his neck and sniffing the familiar scent. "Just take me home, Dean," he breathed against his skin.

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel and sighed shakily. "Okay," he murmured into Castiel's hair, stroking his back gently. "Come on," he said in a calm, steady voice, but it didn't feel like him. It felt like somebody else was controlling his body, because his mind was completely stunned into silence by what had just happened. He had to stay strong for Cas, though. Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel's waist snugly and held him up as they slowly shuffled down the hall of the hospital. Dean ignored the concerned and pitying looks they received and focused on getting Cas the hell out of there. He didn't need to be there any longer. Once they got to the desk, Dean wordlessly signed Castiel out and collected his belongings from the sad-eyed woman at the desk, but he didn't acknowledge her at all. They got to the car and Dean helped Cas get into the passenger side, and then he went around and got in the driver's seat, and wordlessly they began driving away. There was nothing Dean could think of to say.

Castiel didn't remember how they got into the car or how he ended up with his face pressed against the padding of his bedroom cushion. Everything around him didn't matter, everything seemed like the plain, white walls of Jimmy's room. Like Castiel was free to roam the world but in reality he had never felt more trapped in his life. Everything blurring together and he was struggling to make sense of anything. He felt Amber curled up by his hand. Cats could sense these things. Castiel was glad for it. He wasn't in the mood for Amber's diva act. He was one step away from throwing up. He held Jimmy's picture in his hand, holding it close to his chest as he stared absently at the wall. He couldn't believe he was really gone. This was all his fault. He couldn't save him.

Dean didn't even think before he crawled into bed with Castiel and rolled him over so Castiel's back was pressed to his chest, and he wrapped both arms around him, holding Castiel against his chest securely. He had this strange idea that if he let go Castiel would shatter into a million pieces, so he just held on and stared numbly at the wall, breathing in Castiel's scent. But this time Castiel's scent was tainted with tears and it made Dean's stomach clench miserably. He still couldn't really comprehend what had happened, but he would do anything to reverse it so Cas didn't have to suffer through this pain. "Do you want me to leave?" Dean asked in a broken whisper, unable to read Castiel's emotions. Amber was doing her best to comfort Castiel, and Dean met her eyes and she looked back at him steadily, seeming to communicate the fact that they were a team and together they needed to do whatever they could to fix Cas.

(You're making me have feelings over a cat, fuck. How? How do you even- Oh my God..)

Castiel shook his head, still staring vacantly at the wall. He wanted Dean to stay. Hold him tight until everything was better but most of all he wanted Dean forgive him for what he was about to do. He sat up a little, sitting out of Dean's embrace and rummaging under his bed until he found a small box which contained a pocket knife that he kept hidden just in case. He needed to feel something be it pain or anything just to stop the numbness from overpowering his body and sucking him into oblivion. Castiel started shaking again as he realized his ass of a brother was right. He would be ten. No matter how hard Dean had tried to keep Gabriel from adding to the list. There was no one on earth who could stop Jimmy from making his mark.

Dean sat up with Castiel and watched in confusion as he reached under the bed and brought out a small box. He opened it and Dean saw the pocketknife inside, and understanding brought him back to his senses. Castiel was shaking, and falling apart and he wanted to cut himself, thinking it would make him better, and Dean stared at him in horror, fresh tears spilling from his eyes as he shook his head slowly. "No," he begged, "Cas. Please, don't do this," Dean hardly recognized his own voice, and before he knew what he was doing he reached out tightly grabbed Castiel's wrists to stop him. "Please," he sobbed, understanding now what Jimmy had meant.

Castiel looked up at Dean and not even the heartache brought by Dean's tears could fix this. He shook his head, trying to free his wrist from Dean's grip. "I have to Dean," Castiel choked out, a low sob following. He managed to free his hand and he flicked open the knife, looking up at Dean's heart wrenched face and felt nothing. Even the guilt of feeling nothing wasn't enough to pierce through the veil Jimmy had covered him in. He rolled up his shirt, and placed the knife against the inside of his arm, forming a fresh cut in line with the other nine before grunting in pain and dropping the knife as he trembled slightly, feeling his nerves twitch with renewed feeling. The pain, sharpening his clouded mind as he sobbed and actually felt his heartbreaking into tiny pieces over the loss of his brother

Dean stared, unable to move as Castiel sliced into his skin. This cut looked deeper and longer than the others, symbolizing the mark on Castiel's soul that Jimmy's death had left, and Dean longed to smooth it away with a touch, but he couldn't. Blood dripped down Castiel's arm and smeared on his skin, the knife dropped to the floor with a loud thud. Dean could barely see, his eyes were so filled with tears, and he grabbed a handful of tissues from the nightstand and pressed the wad against the cut, desperate to get rid of the dark red blood as he sobbed bitterly. His heart was shattered, seeing Castiel fall apart like this. "Dammit, Cas," he choked out, applying pressure to the wound. He was trying to fix Cas the only way he knew how.

Castiel was vaguely aware of Dean helping clean the cut. He didn't deserve his help but he didn't have the energy to push him away. "I'm sorry, Dean," he whispered. Not just for what he'd just done but for everything. Bringing him into this mess of a family and making him watch as Castiel put himself through this torment. He was too afraid to ask Dean to leave. Afraid that if he walked out that door he may never return and Castiel couldn't live with that. That would tip him completely over the edge. He bit his lip as he felt his arm throb and his senses sharpening again. "I didn't mean to hurt you too," he breathed before letting a fresh set of tears fall.

Dean shook his head wordlessly, unable to meet Castiel's eyes. "Stop it," he pleaded in a shattered whisper, "Dammit Cas, why do you do this to yourself?" He already knew the answer; this was Castiel's way of coping with the pain and loss. He took the bloodied tissue away and threw it on the floor before grabbing another and pressing it to the cut. The blood wouldn't stop soaking through and it was making Dean frustrated. He tried to keep calm, realizing that Castiel had been through a lot of shit and the death of his brother was the last straw. Dean needed to be supportive, not destructive. "Cas, I'm sorry," he murmured, "I'm so sorry."

Castiel closed his eyes, whimpering in short bursts between breathless sobs. He shook his head, taking the tissue from Dean hand and put it on the floor. He looked up at Dean with hollow eyes, wordlessly pressing his lips to Dean. Needing that connecting with someone. He felt abandoned and lost and in need of someone to ground him. He was just drifting through existence and he needed Dean to pull him back into reality. He pulled away a little to look up at Dean's face. His heart shattered and shown like an open book across his features. "I'm so sorry, Dean," he sniffed, resting his head on the other's shoulder. "So sorry."

Dean kissed Castiel back and gently cupped his face, and then stared back at him. Dean had never seen Castiel look so broken, so completely shattered, and it made Dean want to take all the pain from him, to bear the weight of this so Cas didn't have to. Dean wondered if Castiel would ever be the same as he was before Jimmy's death. Dean almost hated Jimmy for taking Castiel away from him in this way. When Cas rested his head on Dean's shoulder, Dean cradled him close and ran his fingers through Castiel's hair. Dean had never seen anyone cry like this before, like their heart was crumbling to dust and their soul was getting torn out. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and desperately tried to transfer some warmth into him.

Castiel trembled in Dean's arms, focusing on where it hurt most to keep his mind sharp. His breaths grew shorter and each time he had to take larger gulps of air to steady his breathing. Jimmy was his security blanket. If things went wrong, Castiel could always confide in him and he'd have his word to keep the secret safe. Castiel could rely on Jimmy to always be there. The one person in his life he was sure wouldn't leave him. That they'd be brothers forever. Now he was alone and cold and pressed against Dean and clinging to him like he was life support. He couldn't expect Dean to go through all this for him. It was asking too much of him, even by their standards. "Dean.." he said weakly. "You don't have to do this..you can find someone better." _Someone less broken. _

Dean was shocked at Castiel's words, and he pulled back to grip both of Castiel's shoulders tightly and shook him a little, trying to get some sense into him. "Castiel, I am not leaving you." Dean growled, "How could you think that?" Dean was at a loss. He didn't know what to do; no matter what he did to comfort Cas, it would never be enough, never fill the hole left by Jimmy. Castiel was breaking to pieces in front of his eyes, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Dean could only steel himself and try his hardest to hold Cas together. Forgetting about Castiel's bleeding arm, Dean lowered him down onto the bed and pulled him as close as possible, wrapping both of his legs around Castiel's and pressing their foreheads together.

Castiel let fresh tears sting the corners of his eyes, his cheeks and sides hurting from the effort it was taking to tremble and cry. His lungs and insides feeling cold and sharp with each breath he took. He let Dean move him to the bed, clinging to him desperately as he rested his forehead against Dean's. "I love you so much Dean, I just.." _needed to be sure. _He began sobbing quietly again, hiding his face in Dean's neck. The other's skin becoming sticky from his tears.

"I know," Dean murmured, grazing his lips against Castiel's temple as Castiel buried his face in Dean's neck. "Cas, listen to me. I don't want anyone else, and I never will, okay? You're the only one." Dean's voice trembled at the truth of his words. He couldn't imagine leaving Castiel, now or ever, and that made him cling tighter to him. "I wish there was a way to show you," He whispered desperately, needing some way for Cas to understand the profound depth of his love for him, and it gave Dean chills when he realized he'd never felt as strongly about anyone before. Cas needed him now, and Dean would give up his life for him.

Castiel held on to Dean tightly, trembling slightly as he sobbed silently. His skin was salty and his tears mixed with the blood as it trickled down his arm and seeped into the covers they laid on. "Just hold me," Castiel sniffed sadly, his voice wavering and his bottom lip quivered as he tried to control his expressions but failed. He curled up against Dean, holding him as close as possible and breathing in his scent, familiarizing himself with the soothing smell of Dean, of safety. Castiel was silent for a long time whilst he tried to regain some composure. "Dean I-I don't know what to do," he said helplessly. "I-I..need..need your help. I can't do t-this alone. Not without my Jimmy."

Dean hummed in reply and did what Castiel asked, just holding him. After a while Castiel began to calm down a little, but Dean didn't let go of him. He continued rubbing soothing circles into Castiel's back and stroking the hair at the nape of Castiel's neck, keeping his touches gentle and light. "I'm here," he said quietly, "I'm not going anywhere." Dean squeezed the nape of Castiel's neck a little and backed away to look into his eyes. "But first, I want to take care of that cut. And I'm going to draw you a bath and get some comfortable clothes, and then you can sleep, okay?" Dean suggested gently, wanting to do anything he could to help Castiel, and he vaguely remembered one of his mother's friends doing the same for him when he was younger, right after Mary's death.

Castiel nodded ever so slightly, sitting up a little to present Dean with his arm. The cut was more of a gash from the angle Castiel had cut into the skin. From experience knowing this was how to leave a scar and he most certainly wanted Jimmy's memory to remain. He looked absently at the cut, fingers trailing over the dry blood resting in the crook of his elbow from where it'd dribbled down. He looked back up at Dean, gilt ridden and vulnerable. "I didn't mean for you to see me like this, Dean. Ever," he whispered, looking down in embarrassment. His self-harming days were supposed to be behind him and he felt guilty that the love of his life should be scarred by Castiel re-living his self-destructive ways.

Dean gently took Castiel's arm in his hand and turned it so he could see the cut better. He hissed slightly at the sight of it, and blood had gotten everywhere. Dean sighed sadly and put his fingers under Castiel's chin, tilting his face up so Cas was forced to look into his eyes. Dean stared at him desperately, eyes searching his pale, tear-stained face. "Cas, it kills me that you did this to yourself, but it could never make me love you less, do you understand?" Dean leaned closer and captured Castiel's lips in a soft kiss before backing away. "Come on, let's get you into the bathroom." Dean got off the bed and held his arms out for Castiel, prepared to carry him if that's what Cas needed right now.

Castiel nodded aimlessly, not believing Dean could still love him like he did before. He was probably as scared as Castiel was and worried at what he had stumbled into. He believed Dean loved him just not as much as he claimed to and Castiel was ashamed he'd ever opened up the gate to his past again and ruining the one good thing he had with Dean. He managed to get to his feet, standing uncertainly as his knees threatened to buckle. He held on tightly to Dean for support as he helped him into the bathroom and setting him down on the floor against the side of the bath. Castiel wiped at his face, trying to clean it as much as possible but the action was futile. His arm covered in blood only smeared it across his cheek. He let his head hang back against the bath with a thud. "I'm so sorry, Dean," he repeated over and over in a low, ghost of a voice.

Dean helped Castiel into the bathroom and as soon as he was seated on the floor Dean started the bathwater running and found some lavender bubblebath that he poured into it. Castiel was shaking and slumped on the floor, and Dean quickly searched for a first aid kit in the medicine cabinet. He found some adhesive bandages and a cloth, which he held under the warm running water and used it to begin carefully wiping the blood away from Castiel's arm so he could see the extent of the damage. Then, Castiel's phone started ringing in his pocket, and Dean took it out of Castiel's pocket. "It's your mom," Dean said nervously, "Want me to answer it?"

Castiel watched absently as Dean fixed his arm, wiping away the dried blood before bandaging up the wound. He felt his thigh vibrate as it started to ring out and Castiel froze, feeling sick as he remembered his mom had been at work. She wouldn't have known until the hospital told her. He didn't want his mom to worry about him, Dean was taking care of him. Castiel nodded vacantly, staring at the floor. Mrs Novak bit her lip, trying to stop her shaky breath from reaching the phone. She didn't want to worry her boy more than necessary. From what she'd been told by the hospital he must have been in a state. She heard the phone stop ringing and spoke out to the quite end of the phone. "Sweetheart? Are you there?" she asked, her voice wavering just slightly but she managed to keep herself under control. "Are you at home, are you safe?"

Dean put a reassuring hand on Castiel's thigh and answered the phone. "It's Dean," he said quietly, "Cas is right here." He looked at Cas as he spoke, but he was just staring at the floor with a dead look in his eyes, and it scared Dean, so he shifted the phone to his other ear so he could stroke Castiel's hair and try to comfort him. "We're at home," he told Mrs. Novak. Her voice had trembled when she'd spoken, and Dean didn't know what to do. Castiel's already broken family had just fallen apart even more, and it seemed like the only thing Mrs. Novak and Cas had left was each other.

Mrs Novak was relived when she heard Dean's voice. She was just glad someone was with Castiel. He was going through so much right now and she hated the thought of him being alone and scared. "Okay, thank you Dean," she managed to say with a reasonable amount of strength. "If you could tell him I'll be back tomorrow..I'm going to stay with Crowley in the city tonight. I'm too..It's not safe for me to be driving in this condition." she settled on saying before having to move the phone away to let out a strangled sob. "Just make sure he stays safe, sweetheart, for both your sakes." She hung up soon after that, unable to speak without tearing up. Castiel picked at the hem of his shirt as he tugged it off slowly in a half hearted attempt to undress for his bath.

Dean bit his lip at Mrs. Novak's painful words. He could understand what she was going through, and realized that it probably wouldn't do any good for Castiel to see his mom in this state or vice versa. After she hung up, Dean set the phone on the floor and turned back to Cas. "She's staying with Crowley tonight," Dean told him, "And I'm gonna stay with you." He helped Cas undress, and then made sure the bandages were stuck firmly to his skin before helping Castiel into the warm bath. He was shaking and his skin felt cold, and Dean realized Castiel was probably in shock, and a bath would do him good. Dean helped Castiel settle down and get comfortable and then he leaned against the tub, holding onto Castiel's hand and not letting go.

Castiel was vaguely aware that Dean was undressing him but he was too run down and numb to feel embarrassed or protest. He let Dean help him into the bath and he hissed as the water came into contact with his skin. It wasn't hot, it was just Castiel's mind was distant and elsewhere, the heat felt like a slap in the face, bringing his mind back to earth. He was grateful for Dean holding onto him. Castiel didn't trust himself to sit in a bathtub without doing something stupid. He wasn't in the best frame of mind, something like he wouldn't even think twice about and that scared him a little. He couldn't ever do that to Dean the way Jimmy had to him. It was selfish and soul destroying. Castiel would punish himself for his mistakes but he would never be so stupid as to hurt Dean like that. He leant over the tub and kissed Dean lightly. "Thank you," he whispered against his lips.

Dean kissed Castiel back and stroked his thumb across his jaw. He brushed his nose against Castiel's and kissed him again, gentle and loving. He looked sadly at the bandage on Castiel's arm. He would always have a scar there, in tribute of Jimmy, and it would always remind him of this painful time in his life. Dean moved to Castiel's arm and kissed the bandage softly, before looking back up at Castiel's face and trailing sweet kisses up Castiel's shoulder, onto his neck, and then up to his jaw and then his lips again. Dean had seen the look in Castiel's eyes when he'd cut himself, and he was terrified Cas wanted to hurt himself again, or worse. Dean knew how unstable he was right now, and he didn't want to let Cas out of his sight for a second. "Cas, I love you so much," Dean said shakily, kissing him again.

Castiel closed his eyes as Dean trailed tender kisses across his exposed skin. He let Dean's lips kiss away his tension and just let Dean's love wash over him and wrap him in his warmth. Castiel was feeling safer with the love Dean provided with every movement, considerate and gentle and just what Castiel needed as a distraction to help him fight away the anguish that was dragging him down into the darkness. Castiel's lip twitched, the movement more of a muscle spasm than anything but the best Castiel could do in terms of smiling. "I love you too, Dean," he breathed, his voice still weak but shaking less than it had been. He managed to reach out his hand to cup Dean's cheek, kissing him again tenderly in fear that Dean might break because of what he had done.

Dean could see Castiel visibly relaxing as Dean kissed him, and he breathed a sigh of relief even though he knew this calmness was only temporary. Castiel was numb with grief and loss right now, and Dean knew from experience that it often came in waves of pain and cold emptiness, and a feeling of hopeless loneliness that couldn't ever be cured. Jimmy left a hole in Castiel's soul that Dean could never fill, but Dean knew that with time, Cas would be all right. It would probably take a very long time, but Dean would be beside Cas the whole time, picking him up when he fell and piecing him back together when he shattered. The bathwater was cooling and Dean released the drain, wanting to make sure Cas got out before the water got too cold. "C'mon, you need to get some sleep."

Castiel swallowed thickly as he watched the water drain around him, relaxing slightly as the urge to drown himself faded with the water. He exhaled shakily as he got out the bath, clutching to Dean for support. He wrapped a towel around his waist and took Dean's hand, leading them back to his bedroom, leaning against Dean a little as they walked. Once they made it to the bed, Castiel sunk down to sit on the edge, shoulders slumped and head gazing at the floor. He felt better after his bath, his mind was a bit more relaxed and he tried to stay in this state of mind for as long as he could before depression crept back in. He held on tightly to Dean's hand, Amber curling up by Castiel's other side, trying to share her warmth and help how she could.

Dean raised Castiel's hand to his lips and kissed his fingers gently before letting go and moving to the dresser to get a pair of boxers for Castiel. Although Dean didn't really care if Cas was naked, he didn't want to seem like he was taking advantage of his fragile state and he thought Cas would feel more secure if he was wearing something. "Here," he said, coming back to Castiel and handing the boxers to him, "Put these on." Dean had to physically put them in Castiel's hand, because Castiel was unresponsive and dazed, but at least he was no longer crying and shaking. It was really frightening to see Castiel's heart shatter like that, and Dean never wanted to see it again.

Castiel looked down at his hand, boxers scrunched up in his fist. He let go of them without any real effort and let them drop to the floor as he grabbed for Dean's hand again. He got him to sit back down, though he guessed Dean was doing it more than Castiel. He didn't have the strength to do much anyway. His fingertips traced over the buttons on Dean's shirt and he studied them closely like they were the most interesting thing in the world, just to keep his mind active and not allow it to wonder freely. He popped open each button carefully, really taking his time with undressing Dean as he thought with his mind to focus on something positive, something real. He pulled Dean's shirt enough away to rest his hand over his heart, feeling the strong, steady heartbeat that told Castiel that he was very much alive.

Dean watched in confusion as Castiel let the boxers slide to the floor and grabbed Dean's hand, urging him to sit down beside him on the bed, and Dean did, looking at Castiel worriedly. Castiel's gaze was focused on Dean's shirt and he slowly unbuttoned it, then pressed a cold hand over Dean's heart. Dean's breath hitched and he looked up at Castiel, then covered his boyfriend's hand with his own. "Your hands are like ice," Dean murmured in concern, pressing his palm against the back of Castiel's hand in an effort to warm it up. Dean really didn't like the look on Castiel's face right now. He looked completely expressionless, as if all the light was gone from his eyes, and it gave Dean chills. He wasn't looking at Dean's face, and Dean reached out and touched Castiel's jaw again to get him to look up. "Cas?" Dean whispered.

Castiel looked up at Dean, his eyes tired and downtrodden. He could see Dean looked as scared as Castiel felt and his chest tightened more so than it already was. He didn't want to see Dean like this or for Dean to see him like this. He just wanted Dean to look less worried, this wasn't his burden. It didn't have to be. He reached up and kissed Dean softly, clinging to hope that somehow they could get through this. Castiel didn't want to make Dean sad or have him looking like Castiel was made of glass. Dean deserved better but he would never leave Castiel. He'd promised and Castiel was determined to try and make things right if not for himself then for Dean.

Dean bit his lip as his heart constricted painfully. He'd never seen such pain in a person's eyes before. Castiel looked like he was emotionally drained, his eyes red and swollen with tears, face blotchy and pale and an utterly sad look on his face. "Come on, babe, you need some sleep." Dean murmured gently, stroking Castiel's cheek with the backs of his fingers. He slid his shirt off the rest of the way because there was no point in wearing it and the skin-to-skin contact might comfort Cas a little. He also unbuttoned his jeans and tossed them on the floor, leaving him standing just in his boxers, and then he grabbed Castiel's elbows and stood him up. The towel was riding low on Castiel's hips, but Dean absolutely refused to let himself get distracted at a time like this. He unwrapped the towel and dried off Castiel's shoulders and torso, which were still wet and smelled like lavender.

Castiel nodded absently, watching with big hollow eyes as Dean undressed. Before he knew it he was being moved to his feet where Castiel rested his hands on Dean's hips for support as he let the other dry his slightly damp skin. He didn't protest or help, just stood there like a rag doll and let Dean do simple tasks for him. He was aware he should be doing these things himself, that it was unfair to ask Dean to look after him like he was a baby but Castiel just couldn't move. His body was lifeless, still in shock, leaving him mind to kick and scream in its padded cell. He tilted his head, brushing his nose against Dean's cheek as he mouthed at the other's jaw in a lazy kiss.

Dean huffed in mild frustration as Castiel's mouth roamed over his jaw and his hands went to Dean's hips. He couldn't get distracted by Castiel's body when his mind so clearly in pieces; doing so would be taking advantage and Dean couldn't do that to Cas. He put the towel on the floor and then picked up the boxers again, handing them to Cas again. "Put them on," he insisted, knowing it probably wouldn't even make much of a difference, anyway, but trying nonetheless. He resisted the strong urge to just lay Castiel down and kiss him until he forgot his own name, because that wouldn't be fair and Castiel was definitely not in the right state of mind, and Dean didn't want to do anything Castiel didn't want to do.

Castiel's eyes wandered from Dean's slightly pouting lips to the boxers in his hand. He didn't really want to wear them, he felt constricted but did what Dean said, not wanting to upset or annoy him further with something as simple as putting on a pair of boxers. He sat back down, feeling his head sway a little from being up for too long and he grabbed for Dean's hand, bringing him to sit back down on the bed. He managed to curl up on the bed and gestured for Dean to do so too by tugging on his hand lightly. He ran a hand over his cheek, staring vacantly at Dean. He didn't say anything, his voice completely gone from crying and shouting.

Dean got into the bed with Cas and pulled the covers up over both of them. It was already getting dark outside, and Dean was startled by how much time had gone by. He draped his arm over Castiel's waist and pulled him close so their bodies were flush, and Castiel felt cold and was trembling slightly against him. Their legs tangled together and Dean suddenly wished he had wings like in Castiel's paintings, so that he could wrap Cas up in them because his arms didn't seem like enough. Dean stared into Castiel's eyes in the steadily darkening room, trying to see past the blank glaze to the Cas he knew underneath, and when he looked hard enough all he could see was pain and fear and uncertainty, and Dean kissed him gently. "Go to sleep, Cas," Dean whispered, "I'll be here when you wake up."

Castiel rested his hands between their chests, over both their hearts to feel the steady beats that told him everything would be okay. He bit his lip, staring blankly at Dean though his eyes shone with fear and doubt. "Promise?" he asked desperately, his voice hoarse and quiet. He was worried when he woke up Dean would be gone too just like everyone else in his life had left. His father, Lucifer, Michael, Gabriel, Balthazar and now Jimmy. Although he only cared for his twin and Michael it did not help settle his worries that everyone left him. It just made it become more of a fact and Castiel was terrified that Dean would soon realize Castiel was a useless train wreck and leave him too.

Dean swallowed painfully and blinked away his tears before he could find his voice. The doubt and terror in Castiel's eyes hurt like a thousand knives. "I promise," he assured him, squeezing his hand and settling down into what was quickly becoming his side of the bed, and they curled around each other, touching as much as possible. "I won't ever leave you," he breathed, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against Castiel's and breathing deeply, trying to relax both of them into peace so Castiel could sleep.

Castiel let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes as Dean rested their foreheads together. He trusted Dean with his word and his life, he was the only person besides Jimmy who he could trust. This time it would be different though. He had Dean by his side, they weren't separated or tested by the stresses of mental diseases. Jimmy had broken his word by leaving Castiel and he would never forgive him but he could understand why he did it. Dean was here to stay and having him wrapped around him made his words stronger. "I love you, Dean," he breathed, kissing Dean firmly, desperately sealing their promises to be their for one another and to never let go.

Dean leaned into the kiss, craving Castiel's understanding and trust. When they pulled apart, Dean stroked Castiel's cheek softly with his thumb, and then slid his palm onto his cheek, which was flushed with emotion and flaking with dried tears. Dean's face wasn't much better, he supposed, but Castiel looked like he was ready to give up, and it made Dean's heart hurt. At least Cas was more calm now, even if he was still in a sort of shock over Jimmy's suicide. Dean thought sadly of Castiel's mother and wondered how she was coping, and he was relieved she trusted him to take care of Cas.

Castiel leaned into Dean's touch and kept close to the other's face on the pillow so he could feel Dean's warm breath tickle against his skin in reassurance that he was still breathing, still with him. He kissed his jaw, settling down next to Dean and wrapping his arms tightly around Dean's waist. He was silent for a long time, eventually falling asleep in the warmth of Dean's arms.

Dean felt a little more reassured when Castiel's arms went around his waist and he eventually relaxed into sleep. The steady rhythm of Castiel's breath ghosting over his face was comforting, but Dean couldn't fall asleep for a long time. He watched Castiel until the moon rose and cast its cold light across Castiel's face, and that's when Dean tucked his face into Castiel's neck and closed his eyes with a heavy sigh, not letting go of Castiel's waist as he slowly fell into an uneasy sleep.

Castiel awoke in a cold sweat around six in the morning. He'd slept all through the night, purely out of exhaustion. He gasped awake, trembling slightly, with Dean still asleep in his arms which calmed him down a little. He told himself to breath and not wake Dean up. He needed to sleep too and it wasn't fair on him. As he struggled to regain his composure he held Dean tightly, telling himself Dean was still here and no one could take that away from him.

Dean was vaguely aware of Castiel moving around and tensing in his arms, and he frowned in concern and opened his eyes to look at Cas. He hadn't slept well, slipping in and out of awareness the entire night, but Castiel had slept much better than him until now. Dean was only half asleep when Castiel woke up, and he was prepared to deal with whatever the problem might be. "Cas, you okay?" He asked in a rough voice, stroking Castiel's messy hair back from his forehead and pulling the blanket up over them some more.

"I didn't mean to wake you," he whispered, kissing Dean's forehead where he could reach. He huddled closer to Dean as he tried to stop his body from shaking. Whether from his nightmares or the cold he wasn't sure. "Yeah I'm.." he started, voice wavering. He swallowed thickly, praying his voice would come out stronger this time. "I'm fine," he said, his voice hoarse and on the verge of breaking into a broken whisper. He curled up around Dean, kissing the other's skin where he could, thanking all small mercies that Dean was still alive and had been true to his word.

Dean curled his arms around Castiel, placing the palms of both hands flat on Castiel's back in an effort to give him some warmth. Dean wasn't sure if Castiel was shaking because he was cold or scared, but he couldn't think of another way to help except holding him tighter. He knew Cas wasn't fine, but he nodded and kissed Castiel lightly. Castiel had clearly been dreaming about bad things, and Dean wished he could erase the images of Jimmy's lifeless body from Castiel's mind. "It's all right," Dean murmured, closing his eyes again and resting his forehead against Castiel's so their noses brushed. "You can go back to sleep if you want, I'm right here."

Castiel closed his eyes, pushing his nose against Dean's slightly. "I don't think I can," he admitted quietly. "We have to be up for school in an hour." He sighed heavily, opening his eyes to study Dean's face. The weary purple circles under his eyes, his tear streaked cheeks and thin wiry lips. He looked awful and it was all Castiel's fault. He wished he could turn back the clock so he hadn't gotten Dean involved in any of this.

Dean shook his head firmly. "We're not going to school today, Cas. Your mom's coming home sometime this morning and she's gonna want to see you and talk to you, and you still need rest. Just take a day off, Cas." He'd just been through a major trauma, the loss of a close family member, how was he supposed to go back to school so soon after something that terrible and life-altering? Castiel needed time to adjust, and Dean wasn't sure but he assumed Mrs. Novak would agree. There was no need to go to school and deal with the stress of classwork, socializing, and rehearsal.

Castiel's eyes widened, "Dean I can't do that." He bit his lip, "I need to do something..'cause you have to go to school so you don't get in trouble with your dad and I don't trust myself to be alone right now, Dean. I just..I can't." He could feel tears rising again, his exhausted body rejecting the action but the tears still seemed to come on their own accord, causing Castiel to ache. "I'm afraid I might do something stupid," he whispered, dipping his head in shame.

Castiel at least seemed a little more lucid this morning, but that didn't do anything to lessen Dean's worry. "I don't care what happens with my dad," Dean protested, "I'm staying with you, Cas." Dean understood what Castiel was hinting at, and it made him more scared than ever. He wouldn't leave Castiel alone ever again if that's what it took to prevent him from harming himself. "I won't let anything happen to you," he whispered, wiping Castiel's tears away with his thumb and kissing his forehead tenderly. He realized he'd never told Sam where he was going, and he was probably very worried. He briefly separated from Castiel to grab his jeans from the floor and dig his phone out of the pocket to text Sam. There were several missed calls and frustrated text messages, but Dean ignored them and sent, "hey sam im really sorry. im fine, at cas house. things not good, will explain later. we're not coming to school 2day. i'll call you this afternoon" Sam was probably still asleep. Dean put his phone on the nightstand and snuggled back up to Castiel, tucking the blanket up to their chins and wrapping his arms around him again.

Castiel fiddled with the guitar pick around his neck as Dean text who he assumed was his brother. He soon embraced Dean's warmth and hummed almost silently. He was so lucky to have Dean to help him through this. He couldn't imagine trying to get through this on his own like he used to. Without Dean here to stop him, there was a very high chance Castiel wouldn't even be alive right now. He held Dean tighter, pressing thankful kisses to the his shoulder and neck where he could reach. "I love you, Dean," he murmured sleepily.

Dean sighed almost contentedly as Castiel kissed his skin and held him. He was glad Castiel was at least more functional now, but it was going to be a very long healing process for him, and Dean would be there to support him every step of the way. "I love you too, Cas." He replied gently, stroking Castiel's hair as he felt Cas relaxing into his arms again. His skin was warm from sleep, and Dean slid his hand up and down Castiel's back slowly before resting it on his hip and kissed Castiel's temple. "Go back to sleep."

Castiel did as he was told and closed his eyes and fell back to sleep in Dean's arms. He didn't sleep well but he remained still and kept his eyes shut to please Dean. He laid there, feeling the gentle rise and fall of Dean's chest against his. His warm breath tickling his neck in long, shallow breaths that told Castiel he was asleep. He spent the rest of the morning silently watching Dean sleep and coming up with a plan to help both of them get through this. Castiel would have liked to spend the next week not eating, sleeping or doing anything. Just lying there and think about all the things he did wrong that drove Jimmy to suicide. That, however was not an option. He had Dean now and he was determined to help. Castiel couldn't push away the one person who'd stuck by him, he needed to let him in and focus on something together. The play sprung to mind. He'd focus on that and channel all his energy into something good. Although, lying on the blood stained bed and staring absently at Dean's freckles all he could think about was Jimmy and how hard it was going to be to actually get back on track.


	19. Chapter 19

Dean woke up at about 10:30, and he was warm and comfortable but was also aware of Castiel watching him, and that made him open his eyes and meet Castiel's gaze. He studied him for a moment before leaning in to kiss him softly. "Hey," he whispered, searching Castiel's face in concern. Castiel looked more rested, but Dean knew that was only physical; he would take much longer to recover emotionally.

Castiel watched Dean closely, cupping his cheek. "We should make pancakes," he decided, not allowing himself to wallow in self pity all day. He sat up, loosing Dean's warmth and stepping out of the bed. "I think some bacon," he added, his voice distant and elsewhere. "Maybe some OJ too." He walked out the door and padded into the kitchen downstairs.

Dean looked at Castiel in surprise; he seemed so much better than last night but Dean was still concerned about him. He followed Cas into the kitchen, not bothering to put on pants or a shirt because Cas hadn't. Dean smiled slightly at Castiel's wish for food. It was good that he wanted to eat, because often people in grief didn't want to eat at all. "That's a good idea," he said, wandering over to the fridge and getting out eggs, milk and juice.

Castiel turned on the cooker hobs, setting the frying pan aside. He watched the gas spark into life and gazed at the flames absently. He moved his hand up to touch the flames, singeing the fingertips of his left hand. Castiel hissed slightly, before moving away and staring at his hand. "Okay, lets make pancakes," he said as if he hadn't just done that.

Dean turned around in alarm when he heard Cas hiss in pain, and then he saw Castiel staring into the flames of the stove. Dean's heart skipped a beat and he darted to Castiel's side, yanking him by the arm so he was no longer near the stove. "Dammit, Cas!" Dean exclaimed, his heart leaping into his throat. He lifted Castiel's hand and studied the burns on his fingers before moving Cas to the sink and letting the cold water run over his hand. "What the hell did you do that for?!"

Castiel blinked, "Making pancakes." He sounded lost and depressed. He watched as his fingers went numb under the water and turned red. "Sorry Dean," he whispered, dipping his head in shame. "I don't..I can't help it, Dean," he whispered, turning away to study his burnt fingers away from the water. "I just want to hurt myself," _as punishment for not being able to save Jimmy._

Dean sighed and turned Cas to face him. "Listen to me," he said firmly, placing each of his hands on Castiel's arms to hold him in place. "I know you think that cutting and burning yourself are gonna make you feel better, but they're not. Trust me, it only makes things worse." Dean reached over and turned the water off before tilting Castiel's chin up to meet his eyes. "You're not only hurting yourself," he said in a softer tone, "Think of your mom. What's she gonna think when she sees this?" He grabbed Castiel's hand and held it up. "And what about me?" He added, voice wavering with emotion, "Do you realize what you're doing to me? I hate seeing you hurt, Cas."

Castiel bit his lip, gazing at Dean like a bunny trapped in headlights. He didn't mean to hurt Dean, that's the least of what he wanted. "I-I I'm sorry, Dean," he whispered. He watched his fingers tremble as they dropped to his side. "I can't..it hurts Dean," he admitted quietly. "It hurts so much," he said, voice thick with emotion.

Dean sighed tightly and pulled Castiel against his chest, wrapping him up warmly in his arms. "I know," he murmured into Castiel's hair, "I know it hurts, Cas, believe me. It feels like it's never going to get better, but you have to trust me when I say it will. It'll take time, but it really will get better, Cas." Dean pressed the palms of his hands flat against the small of Castiel's back and held him close. "Please stop hurting yourself. For me."

Castiel froze at Dean's words. It hadn't really occurred to him that Dean knew about loosing someone close to him. His mom. He held Dean close as much for his own sake as Dean's. He nodded timidly. "Okay," he whispered. Castiel didn't want tto stop hurting himself, he wanted to punish himself for what he'd done to help Jimmy push himself over the edge but he didn't want to hurt Dean anymore than he already had. "For you," he nodded, pressing a kiss to Dean's jaw.

Dean felt Castiel tense and then return the embrace, a new strength coursing through his body that Dean could feel. It was possible he was just imagining it, but Cas seemed to come to his senses just a little more. It wasn't much, but it was an improvement. His heart fluttered hopefully. "Promise?" Dean whispered, backing away just enough to meet Castiel's eyes.

Castiel looked over at Dean, cupping his cheek and rubbing his thumb over his jaw. "Promise," he said soberly, his voice as strong as he could muster. He turned the gas off and headed back upstairs, kneeling on the floor and holding out his pocket knife and running his thumb over the metal where the light hit it. He bit his lip as he flicked the knife open and closed a few times before standing up to find Dean and hold out the pocket knife for him. "Take it," he begged, "I'll only do it again."

Dean took the pocket knife from Cas and closed it up in his fist. "No you won't," he said anyway, "I won't let you." The blade still had Castiel's blood on it and Dean didn't want to look at it. He took a deep, determined breath and held out his hand for Cas. "Come on, you need to eat something. Pancakes, was it?" Dean was so relieved that Cas had promised not to hurt himself again although he was scared Cas was going to relapse and they'd have to start all over again, but for now this was progress.

Castiel bit his lip, nodding sheepishly and followed Dean back into the kitchen. He took a deep breath before standing over back by the cooker and turned the gas on, placing the pan over the flames and started making batter in a bowl out of flour and eggs. He opened the flour bag and a huge flour cloud filled the air and directly into Castiel's hair and face. He looked helplessly at Dean, his lips twitching into an almost smile.

Dean watched carefully as Castiel turned on the stove and kept an eye on him just in case, but he was feeling a little better about Cas now. He couldn't help but smile as the flour puffed all around Cas and coated his face and hair with pale white dust, clinging to his eyelashes and eyebrows and making him look ridiculous. It was funny, but Dean felt like crying. Cas was actually starting to smile, and Dean was so glad to see it, no matter how small it was. He went over and smiled softly, brushing the flour off Castiel's hair and grimacing a little as he stroked a finger down his cheek, leaving a trail in the powder. "I'm not licking this off you," He murmured in a gently teasing voice, trying to cheer his boyfriend up a little .

Castiel kept his almost smile, his lips twitching at the effort it took to keep it up. Dean was God's gift. How easily Dean could cheer him up and make him feel loved and needed with just a few gestures. Castiel kissed Dean's jaw, brushing his nose against Dean's cheek and getting flour over him. "Perhaps syrup would be more appropriate," he teased a little, trying to keep up this act of theirs and forgetting about his troubles if only for a little while.

Dean made a face but pulled Castiel close nonetheless. "That would be a sticky mess," He teased back in a soft voice. It almost felt like nothing had changed, like they could just pretend and nothing would be wrong, but Dean knew this temporary stability couldn't last for long. He brushed some more flour off Cas and got some on himself in the process, before stepping back and steering Cas back to the mixing bowl. "We need pancakes right now," he insisted with a small smile.

Castiel nodded, grabbing the spoon and mixing up the batter mixture. "It'd be fun," Castiel countered under his breath but seemed happy enough given the circumstances. He finished mixing the batter and poured some into the pan, watching as it sizzled with a violent hiss. He flipped the small pancakes occasionally before stacking them on a plate for Dean and placing it in the island in the middle of the kitchen.

Dean poured them both glasses of orange juice and leaned his elbows on the island as he watched Castiel cook more pancakes. He buttered the pancakes Cas had given him and then poured syrup over them, but he didn't eat them until Cas turned back with his own plate. The pancakes were delicious, and Dean hadn't realized how hungry he was. They hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. "Yeah, it'd be fun, but the cleanup afterwards would be a nightmare," Dean said quietly, glancing up at Cas with a little smile.

"The point would be to lick away every.." he whispered, leaning close to Dean as he sat by him on the island. "..inch." Castiel's lip twitched slightly upward but nothing more. He nibbled at his pancakes, not really hungry but he knew Dean would protest and he didn't want to upset him anymore than he already had. He sipped at the orange juice, wishing there was something a little stronger in his juice to ease the pain.

Dean chuckled half-heartedly at Castiel's teasing, but there was still a darkness in Castiel's eyes that made Dean's heart ache. At least Cas was trying, even if it was only for his sake. He ate his pancakes slowly, not wanting to finish his before Castiel did, but he understood that Cas probably wouldn't feel actually hungry for at least a few days. Suddenly Dean heard a car pull up at the driveway, and he walked over to the kitchen window to see who it was. Crowely was driving, and Mrs. Novak was in the passenger seat. "Your mom's home," He told Cas, looking down at himself and then at Cas. They were still only wearing boxers, and Dean huffed in embarrassment.

Castiel hadn't even heard the car, too wrapped up in his own little world to notice. He followed Dean over to the window and blinked at the people in the car. "Okay," he whispered. "I'll make some more pancakes," he announced, not caring that he was still in his underwear. Mrs Novak came in and headed straight for Castiel, wrapping him up in her arms and holding him in fear of his life. "Sweetheart. My poor angel, it's going to be okay," she crooned. Crowley followed on behind slowly, looking Dean once over as to why he was in his underwear and slightly covered in flour. He rolled his eyes and sat at the island pulling out a small flask and taking a sip.

Dean blushed under Crowley's scrutiny and looked away awkwardly, instead watching Mrs. Novak hug her son. She looked like a wreck, her eye makeup smeared from tears and her hair frizzy, but she was still beautiful. Dean felt out of place in this scene. He needed to do something useful, so he went over to the stove and started cooking more pancakes, wanting to give the mother and son some space.

Seeing as Castiel was only in his boxers, Mrs Novak saw the bandage wrapped around his arm. Thankfully for him, it was big enough to hide his other scars his mom didn't know about. "Cassie, what happened?" she asked worryingly, cupping his face. "I caught the skin on a loose nail or something, I'll be okay," he lied. She pressed a kiss to his forehead before sitting up on the island by Crowley. "I've talked with Crowley and we both think it'd be a good idea if you two still helped out with the party tomorrow night. Take your mind of things," she said carefully.

Dean watched the two of them carefully. So Mrs. Novak didn't know her son was hurting himself. Dean wondered if he should tell her. If he did, she would probably be able to help him, but Dean didn't want her to be even more hurt than she already was and he didn't want to betray Castiel's trust again. He'd talk to Castiel about it and try to convince him to tell his mom himself, it would be better that way. Dean finished cooking the pancakes and put them on a plate which he slid to the center of the island. He self-consciously brushed flour off of himself and looked at Cas, worried he wouldn't be up for the party tomorrow night.

Castiel bit his lip in thought, twiddling with the pick around his neck. "Okay," Castiel nodded slowly. "Do you have any requirements?" Castiel asked Crowley, keeping focused on the task in hand, pushing his feelings aside for now. Crowley nodded and produced a small piece of paper from his jacket. Despite his sharp suit, Crowley didn't look so good. Probably all night trying to calm his mom down. Something he'd have to thank him for later. He took the list and considered it for a moment. The songs were all pretty general so he'd heard of most of them. So thankfully they wouldn't need to practise too much. He handed the list to Dean once he was happy with it and returned to cleaning the dishes.

Dean took the list when Castiel handed it to him, and looked at it curiously. He knew all of the songs pretty well, but there were a few they'd need to practice. He looked up at Crowley uncertainly, not sure if this was really the best idea, given everything that had happened, but he wasn't sure if he should say anything. "Cas, are you sure about this?" He asked gently, "We don't have to do it, I don't mind." He didn't know if Cas was ready for performing so soon after his brother's death, and he looked back and forth between Mrs. Novak and Crowley questioningly, biting his lip.

Castiel took Dean's face in his hand gently, tilting his head so he could look at him properly. "I want to do this," he whispered sincerely. "I can't just sit around all day, Dean. It only leads to a darker path and I don't want that to happen again." He gave a big wide grin that was anything but genuine. "Besides, the show must go on right?" He clapped his shoulder as he headed upstairs to change into some clothes, making sure to cover up his bandages in risk of anyone else asking about them.

Dean sighed. Cas wanted to do it, and Dean supposed that was a good thing, because anything was better than dwelling on what had happened. But Dean was worried Cas wasn't stable enough to go out in public so soon after Jimmy's death. But something about his smile scared Dean, it was so unlike Cas and he knew that Cas was only doing it to stop Dean from worrying. As soon as he left the room, Dean slumped into a chair at the table and rested his head in his hands, closing his eyes and sighing deeply.

"He'll come around, sweetheart," Mrs Novak assured with a sweet -if slightly weary- smile. She patted his hand gently and Crowley set on finishing washing the dishes to help them out. "It'll do him some good. Something to focus on," Crowley added from the sink. Mrs Novak nodded, "I've never seen my boy so happy as he is with you, Dean. You're good for him." She kissed Dean's forehead and gave him a big hug in thanks for all he'd done before standing up to help Crowley with cleaning the kitchen.

Dean froze as Mrs. Novak kissed his forehead and pulled him into her arms, and he found himself close to tears as he hugged her back. It had been so long since someone had shown him such motherly affection, and took a deep, shaky breath and relaxed into her embrace. He was shocked at her words. She was Castiel's mother, and she knew him better than anyone, so it was surprising and profound that she'd never seen Castiel happier with anyone else before. It was a huge responsibility to bear, but Dean would willingly carry this weight if it meant he could keep making Cas happy. "I really love him," he murmured, his voice muffled by Mrs. Novak's shirt.

"I know sweetheart," she smiled, her voice warm but still tired and emotionally exhausted underneath. Crowley muttering in the background, "You'd have to be blind not to see that." Mrs Novak swatted Crowley's arm playfully before pushing Dean in the direction of the stairs. "Why don't you two practise for tomorrow? We'll be down here if you need anything." Castiel was upstairs, sat cross-legged on the bed with the guitar pick between his teeth as he petted Amber who was curled up in his lap.

Dean nodded and kissed Mrs. Novak on the cheek timidly before turning away and going up the stairs to Castiel's room. He found Cas sitting on his bed with Amber, the guitar pick held between his teeth, and Dean walked up to Castiel and gently took it out of his mouth and replaced it with his lips in a soft kiss before sitting behind Castiel and spreading his legs on either side of him, scooting close to press his chest against Castiel's back and rested his chin on his shoulder. His arms went around Castiel's waist and hugged him. "Cas," Dean murmured against the back of his neck, pressing his lips there in a soft kiss.

Castiel jumped a little when Dean kissed him, not having been aware he was in the room but felt a little more at ease now that he was. He moved the pick to hang off his back so Amber couldn't get at it as she kept swiping at the object dangling above her head. Castiel leant back into Dean and laced his fingers with Dean's around his waist. "Hello Dean," he whispered, leaning into Dean's kisses. He was silent for a moment before adding, "Thank you for not telling her about..my arm."

Dean sighed and rested his forehead on the back of Castiel's neck, breathing in his scent. "Hey Cas," he replied quietly. They sat in silence for a moment before Dean worked up the courage to say what he wanted to. "Cas... I think you should tell her about that." He understood why Cas didn't want to tell her and he wasn't going to force him to, it was just a suggestion because Dean thought it might help them understand each other more, no matter how much it hurt either one of them. "When you're ready," he added as an after thought.

Castiel sighed heavily, twisting his body so he could see Dean. "I can't," he whispered. "There's nothing she can do to help and I don't want to burden her with something she can't do nothing about." He pressed a tender kiss to Dean's lips. "And after what happened with Jimmy.." his voice began to break. "..I can't do that to her. She has enough broken kids. I need to be stronger."

Dean nodded in understanding and sighed against Castiel's skin. "I get it," he said, "It's okay. Just talk to me if you ever want to hurt yourself again, okay? I'll help you." Dean tipped his head sideways to reach Castiel's lips and kissed him again. He understood the burden Mrs. Novak had to carry, what with Lucifer being in jail... and Dean still didn't know the story behind it, but now wasn't the time to ask.

Castiel nodded, kissing Dean tenderly. "Thank you," he whispered, leaning his forehead against Dean's and closing his eyes briefly before remembering something. "Dean, I want..want you to have something.." He bit his lip nervously. It didn't seem like the right time but Dean was being the most loving and considerate boyfriend and now was a gooder time than any to show Dean how much he meant to him. He reluctantly pulled out of Dean's embrace and knelt on the floor, leaving Amber to sulk in her basket. He scrambled under the bed until he found a small black ring box and held it out to Dean.

Dean didn't want to let go of Cas but he was curious about what Cas wanted him to have. When he came back up from under the bed and handed Dean a little black ring box, Dean's eyes widened and he took it from Cas slowly but didn't open it yet, simply looking up at Castiel's face. He didn't know what was in there but he had an idea, and it made his heart flutter and his jaw go slack. "Cas?" He asked quietly, not really knowing what he was doing.

Castiel sat back up on the bed beside Dean. "I got it when you got the part of Tony. I was so proud of you and it made me realize how lucky I am to have someone like you," Castiel said softly. "But I couldn't..I just kept loosing my way and I could never find the right time to and.." Castiel took a deep breath, voice wavering as he spoke. "I love you so much, Dean. You are the most considerate and loving person I've ever met..and the fact you think I'm worthy of your love makes me the happiest guy alive. I want to be with you Dean and I will spend the rest of my life, each and everyday showing you just how much I caare for you." Castiel's hands were trembling as he opened the box in Dean's hands to reveal a silver ring.

Dean put a hand to his mouth, shocked into speechlessness at Castiel's words and the ring in the box. This was more than Dean had ever expected, more than he had ever hoped for, and it was the most stunning, amazing feeling in the world. He looked down at their hands both holding the ring box, and Dean noticed Castiel's were trembling. He took the ring out of the box and slipped it onto his finger, staring in wide-eyed amazement at the silver ring and then he looked at Castiel, tears welling up in his eyes. Letting out a choked sob, he threw his arms around Castiel's neck and hugged him tightly, murmuring meaningless gibberish against his skin. He couldn't speak, he could hardly breathe. He would never forget this moment, ever. That Cas was this devoted to him, loved him this much, it was overwhelming and all Dean could do was hang onto him and not let go.

Castiel bit his lip as he watched Dean stare wordlessly at the box. His heart in his mouth and he was afraid he'd gone a bit too far out there but he loved Dean with all of his heart and he would give anything to have him in his future. His breath hitched as Dean put the ring onto his finger, silently accepting him and everything they were. All Castiel could do was hold Dean just as tightly, praying for him to say something to stop Castiel's heart pounding a mile a minute.

Dean kissed Castiel passionately yet tenderly, not wanting to startle Cas in his fragile state but needing to show him he loved him more than he knew. "God, Cas," Dean muttered against Castiel's lips, cupping his face and tangling the fingers of one hand in his hair, "I love you so fucking much." He backed away a little and looked into Castiel's eyes, emotional tears rolling down his face and he lowered his hands to Castiel's to hold both of them, not breaking eye contact the entire time. "Cas, you are the most fascinating, beautiful person I've ever met, and I'll never stop loving you." It was hard to get the words out through his tears, but he smiled and kissed Castiel again.

Castiel watched as Dean welled up and Castiel's heart swelled at his words. He kissed Dean back just as tenderly, holding his hands tightly, rubbing his thumb over the skin. He pressed his lips to Dean's tears as they rolled down his cheek. "Is that a yes?" he said, wanting Dean to say it out loud even though he knew the answer. His own tears now fell freely down his blushing cheeks.

Dean wiped away his tears, grinning widely even as new tears fell from his eyes and he nodded. "Yes. It's a yes. I love you." Dean didn't know what exactly he was agreeing to, only that he wanted to be with Cas forever and he loved him with his whole heart. The only thing that scared him was that they were still in high school, they still had another year to go and anything could happen. But that only made Dean more determined to keep Castiel and not let him go for anything, no matter what happened.

Castiel wiped away Dean's tears, his lips curving into a genuine smile. "I love you, Dean," he said, his smile remaining effortlessly. "I promise I will never let you go without a fight," he vowed, kissing Dean tenderly, running his hand into Dean's hair and holding him close as promised him the world.

Dean leaned into the kiss and moaned softly out of emotion, clinging to Castiel's arms. "I know it's crazy but I wanna spend the rest of my life with you," Dean breathed. He couldn't imagine not having Cas beside him, having him nearby and being able to touch or kiss him, to be held in his arms. Dean couldn't imagine what the future would be like, but the one thing he did know was that he wanted Castiel to be in it.

Castiel smiled softly, holding Dean's hand in both of his, looking proudly at the ring. "It's not crazy, Dean," he assured, he felt the same way and couldn't imagine his life without Dean. "This ring, it represents the promises we make towards each other. No matter what happens," Castiel's voice cracked a little they'd already been through so much it pained him to think that Dean might get hurt again. "I want you to look at this ring and know..that whatever happens, where ever we are..I will always come back to you." He pressed a kiss to the ring, looking up at Dean, his eyes full of hope and desire for a better future.

Dean looked at Castiel and felt such an overwhelming surge of love come from deep within him, right down to his very essence, and he knew that Cas was the only one he'd ever want. He nodded weakly and looked at the bright ring, feeling more emotional than he ever had. "Cas, you made me into a better person. When I'm with you, I feel..." he trailed off and shook his head, unable to put exactly what he felt into words. "I feel... complete. Like there was a part of me missing and I didn't even realize it until I met you."

Castiel's heart melted and he wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, kissing him passionately. All his heart ache and suffering subsided and for now it was just him and Dean and their love for each other and Castiel knew they'd be okay. "You're my everything, Dean. I don't know what I'd do without you," he murmured against his lips.

Dean leaned into Castiel and slid his hands down his sides, eager and possessive and gentle all at the same time as a small moan escaped his throat. He turned his head to get a better angle for the kiss. Dean didn't back away at all, so their lips were still touching as they spoke. "And I hate to think of where I'd be if I'd never met you," Dean said. He would probably still be hanging out with Ash and those other losers, living life day-to-day with nothing to look forward to, nothing to care about. And he'd met Cas and everything had changed.

Castiel thought about Dean's words and before he could stop himself he said with a sad knowing look, "I know where I'd be." _Dead. Six feet under buried side by side with Jimmy.. _He didn't want to think about it. The point was he was still alive and had Dean by his side. He kissed him passionately, slow and gentle. Emoting himself in ways he couldn't verbalize just how much he cared for Dean.

Dean felt a chill run through him at Castiel's words and he understood the meaning behind them. He shivered and looked at Cas as his chest constricted painfully. "Cas," he whispered brokenly, pulling him into another kiss and then just holding him, tucking his face into Castiel's neck. He realized that Castiel's words were not far from the truth, and that made Dean more scared than anything.

Castiel ran a hand into Dean hair and caressed it softly as he held Dean close, rocking them gently. "It's okay, love, I've got you.." he assured kissing the top of his head "...and you've got me," he added quietly. He held Dean possessively, tilting them so they could lie down together. Two bodies of tangled limbs under the covers. He kept Dean close, kissing him where he could reach.

Dean giggled slightly as Castiel laid them down under the blankets. "Your mom sent me up here to practice for the party, not get in bed with you," he said slightly teasingly through his tears. His emotions were all over the place and he couldn't process what he was feeling. He was still stunned and awestruck by Castiel's ring, and he was also relieved Castiel seemed more like his old self, and scared that Castiel would harm himself somehow.

Castiel smiled softly, his lips curved slightly upwards in an appreciative look. "We can practise here," he countered, rubbing Dean's back a few times before resting his hand on his hip. "This way we get the best of both," Castiel murmured, implying both Dean's voice and body. He snuggled up next to Dean and wiped his tears as he started to hum softly to encourage Dean to sing with him.

Dean cleared his throat and watched Cas with a small smile as he started humming, his hand warm and strong on Dean's hip. Castiel's voice soothed him and his breathing smoothed out as he watched Castiel's amazing blue eyes. Dean began humming the song along with Cas, starting softly and then getting just a little bit louder as he sang.

Castiel gave a thin smile, reaching out to cup Dean's face gently as he watched him sing. He joined in when he could but mainly left it to Dean. Chiming in soft vocals when he felt it was right. It felt good to be back to normal with Dean, singing like nothing had happened and trying to move past the hollow feeling swallowing him up whole.

Dean had never felt so emotional in his entire life. Cas was making feel so many different feelings that Dean felt like his heart was going to explode. He kept singing softly to Cas, eyes roaming over his face and he kissed Cas gently when the song ended and smiled softly at him, taking a deep breath. Cas looked so much better now. There wasn't that hollow, dead look in his eyes, but there was still raw pain underneath the love shining through his eyes, and a sadness Dean knew would never fade completely.

Castiel smiled genuinely, tracing his fingers over the contures of Dean's jaw and lips. He knew they'd be okay. He was still distraught about what Jimmy had done but with Dean's help he could say with confidence he'd live to see another day. They sat in silence, watching each other and tracing each other's bodies, memorizing them to heart. Castiel bit his lip when he looked over Dean's shoulder briefly and saw the time. "You should be getting back," he whispered with concern. He didn't want to get Dean into trouble with his dad. He hadn't been home in almost two days and he was bound to say something.

"I should," Dean agreed reluctantly. Sam must be freaking out, and he didn't want to know what his dad was going to do when he got home. "But I don't want to leave you." He inhaled deeply and curled himself tighter around Cas, afraid to leave him alone just in case. He buried his face in Castiel's neck and sighed. "How am I supposed to leave you now?" He mumbled. The ring was solid and hard on his finger and he twisted it absently with his thumb.

Castiel kissed Dean's forehead, loosening the embrace in an attempt to help Dean leave. He didn't want him to but he'd been selfish enough and Dean was getting in trouble for him and it wasn't fair. "Sammy needs you too," he argued, kissing him softly. "I'll be okay," he assured, knowing he could go without hurting himself if it meant Dean was safe and out from under his father's radar.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Dean asked firmly, giving Castiel a meaningful look and stroking his cheek gently as he sat up slowly. He knew Cas was right. Dean wouldn't be too surprised if John took out his anger on Sam while Dean was absent, and he couldn't let that happen. "Promise me you'll call if you need me, I'll come right away no matter what, okay? And take care of your mom, too."

"I promise," he nodded, kissing Dean's shoulder blades as the other sat up. "Just go. I'll see you tomorrow," he murmured, pressing light kisses where he could reach. "Wear a suit, Crowley will eat you alive otherwise," he said, managing a small smirk. He stood with Dean, helping him dress in fear he'd change his mind and stay and Sammy would be left alone with that monster.

Dean closed his eyes and stilled a little as Castiel's lips ghosted over his skin, but he forced himself stand and begin pulling on his clothes from yesterday. Cas stood in front of him and buttoned up his shirt as Dean buttoned his jeans and put his phone in his pocket, and then rested his hands on Castiel's hips, not wanting to let go even though he knew he had to. "Should I come over here and go with you and your mom?" He asked. He didn't know where the party was or how to get there.

Castiel nodded, leaning into Dean's touch. "I think that would be better, makes it easier too," Castiel confirmed. Castiel kissed Dean softly, moving him towards the door. He held Dean's hand, examining the ring on his finger one last time before smiling faintly and kissing the knuckles tentatively. "See you tomorrow," he whispered.

Dean grinned idiotically as Castiel gazed at the ring and then kissed his fingers. He couldn't stop looking at the ring either. "I'll see you tomorrow." Dean replied softly, kissing Castiel one more time and smiling at him meaningfully before backing out of the room and heading downstairs. He was smiling widely, but his face smoothed out when he walked downstairs and saw Mrs. Novak and Crowley still in the kitchen. He walked up to them hesitantly. "I'm going back to my house now," he told them, "But I have my cell phone on me and I'll come right away if you guys need anything," he said, fingering the ring absently.

Castiel sighed and flopped down on his bed, curling up as he tried to savour the warmth where Dean had just been. Mrs Novak smiled sweetly at Dean, kissing his cheek and hugging him quickly. "Sweetheart, you've done enough," she told him gratefully. "Go home and get some rest and don't hesitate to take up my offer if your father turns." Crowley nodded to Mrs Novak's words in agreement, his eyes going straight to Dean's fiddling fingers, noticing a ring that wasn't there before and he couldn't help but smirk knowingly.

Dean nodded and bit his lip. "I think he'll be okay now," He said with a small smile, but he looked at Mrs. Novak seriously. "Cas is... I think he blames himself for what happened," he said carefully, hoping Mrs. Novak would pick up on what he meant and not make him say it. He didn't want to betray Cas, but he couldn't leave without at least warning Mrs. Novak, even if he did it this subtly. Dean sighed a little and then turned to Crowley. "I'll be here tomorrow night for the party," he said, blushing slightly at Crowley's knowing smile. Crowley was looking at the ring, and Dean grinned in excited shyness, blushing deeper.

Mrs Novak nodded and tussled his hair, "I'll look after him," she promised. Crowley nodded, "Better suit up, sunshine. Otherwise I might just have to throw you out," he warned but in a kind manner and grinned at Dean's shyness towards his and Castiel's commitment. At least, that's what he'd deciphered from the meaning of the ring.

"Got it," Dean said with a shy smile at Crowley, and he hugged Mrs. Novak again before leaving the house and going outside to his car. When he got home, Sam was waiting on the front step of the house. Dean's heart sank at Sam's terrified expression as he hopped off the step and ran to Dean's car. Dean got out, and Sam grabbed his shoulders. "Dean, what the hell?" He exclaimed, eyes wide. "You were gone for more than 24 hours!" Dean nodded and sighed grimly. "It's a long story," he muttered. "What happened?" Sam demanded, and Dean pushed Sam away and then grabbed his arm, dragging him inside the house and upstairs to his room. John wasn't home, which was a huge relief. Once they were in Dean's room, Dean sat him on his bed and then sat facing his brother, cross-legged. "Okay, I'll tell you everything." He said tiredly. "Cas had a twin brother, but he never told me about him. His name was Jimmy, and he had some kind of mental illness. Cas asked me to drive him to the psychiatric hospital yesterday morning, that's why I was gone so early. So I drove him up there to visit his brother and he seemed okay, but Cas was worried and then all of a sudden he just went rigid and ran back into the hospital when we were in the parking lot, and it took me a few minutes to find him but Jimmy had killed himself, right there." Sam's eyes were wide and his jaw dropped in horror, shaking his head slowly. "That's horrible," he breathed, and Dean nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it was bad. I took Cas home and stayed with him for the rest of the day and overnight. He's really torn up about it. I've never been more scared in my entire life." He took a deep, shuddering breath. "You should've seen him, Sam. His face..." He shivered slightly, and Sam put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Is he going to be okay?" Sam asked quietly, and Dean looked down at the ring on his finger and nodded, smiling a little. "Eventually, yeah." Sam followed Dean's gaze to the ring, and his eyes widened even more. Sam grabbed his hand and lifted it to see the ring better. "Did he give this to you?" He whispered in amazement, looking up at Dean, and Dean just blushed happily and nodded. Sam pulled him into a crushing hug. "Dean." He breathed, backing away to look at Dean again, his face breaking into an emotional smile.

Castiel stayed curled up in the duvet until it had gone cold, he sighed as he began to shiver from the lack of heat as the night drew in. He sat up and found some fresh clothes, putting them on with great effort before going down into the kitchen to greet his mom and Crowley. Mrs Novak, pulled Castiel into a hug and they embraced each other tightly whilst Crowley made them some hot chocolate. "That puppy of yours, Dean, he's certainly knows how to keep bringing your stick back no matter how hard you throw it," Crowley remarked, leaning against the counter. Mrs Novak hummed in agreement, "He's certainly cares about you greatly, sweetheart." Castiel blushed, looking down at the floor with a faint smile. "I know. I do too," he whispered. Mrs Novak looked over at Crowley with a sweet smile as he brought them their hot chocolates. "Thank you, darling, I don't know how I can ever repay you for all this." Crowley merely shrugged, "What are friends for? Perhaps you could save me a dance?" Mrs Novak smiled brightly and nodded. Crowley smiled and bid them both goodnight leaving the two Novaks to drink coca where there was once seven.

Dean ducked his head and he couldn't stop grinning. "Yeah... in case you didn't know we're pretty serious about each other." He said, smirking at Sam slightly, and Sam smiled. "That's great, Dean. I'm really happy for you." He sighed and his smile faded a little. "I'm really sorry about his brother," he whispered sadly, and Dean nodded, smile fading. "Me too. But I'm gonna try to fix him." Sam smiled softly and squeezed Dean's arm. "I know. Hey, do you want some food?" Dean nodded, glad for the change of subject as he followed Sam downstairs. With everything that had been happening lately, Dean hadn't even paid attention to Sam's life, and he felt bad for not hanging out with his brother enough lately. "So, what about you? Any special girlfriends I should know about?" He said as they walked into the kitchen, falling back into his role as protective older brother. Sam blushed and ran a hand through his hair as he got a box of pasta for dinner. "Uh... maybe?" Dean rose his eyebrow in interest, deciding to focus more on Sam than his own problems right now. "Oh?" He asked as he filled a saucepan with water and put it on the stove. "What's her name?" Sam groaned quietly and muttered, "Ruby." Dean smiled in amusement. "Really? Are you going with her?" Sam shook his head. "No, not exactly... I don't know. I'm in her Calculus class and we have chemistry together." Dean shook his head fondly. Sam was smart, and he was in all advanced classes above his grade level, that's how he would have met Ruby. "Well, don't get too jealous when I kiss her in the play," Dean teased, and Sam glared at him. "Yeah, don't let Cas get jealous either, Dean." Dean actually laughed when he pictured Sam and Cas sitting together in the audience, both pouting and sulking with jealousy.

Mrs Novak drank silently with Castiel, watching him out of the corner of her eye. "Cassie, what did he say to you?" she asked after an extensive amount of time had past between them in silence. Castiel knew this was coming, and after his long emotional journey with Dean he felt all cried out and strong enough to be able to answer her. She had a right to know the truth..of sorts. He couldn't tell her about the whole 'ten' thing. It would destroy her, much like it almost had Castiel. "He just..he was normal. No last inspiring words. I think he just wanted to treat it like any other day," he explained. Mrs Novak nodded, and kissed her son's forehead. "I'm sorry you had to see that, sweetheart." Castiel frowned but shrugged a little, "I think..I think I'm okay with it. It gave me closure of sorts, being able to say goodbye to him like that, y'know?" Mrs Novak nodded and held him close. Supporting each other both physically and mentally.

Dean and Sam ate their pasta in easy conversation. They talked about Ruby for a little bit, and then about the play, and then about anything. Neither of them wanted to think about John, so they avoided that topic. A little later Dean yawned and told Sam he was going to bed. He hadn't slept well the night before, because he was too worried about Cas, and he wished he could be there again tonight. When he was ready for bed, he got under the covers and texted Cas, "hey, how are you doing?"

Mrs Novak soon went to bed, not having slept in a few days. The stress of leaving her husband had been strain enough but to also loose a child almost broke her and she was in dire need of rest. Castiel cleared away their mugs and the rest of the kitchen before heading back upstairs and into bed. Once he was cozy he checked his phone, in case Dean had been worrying about him. The thought made him feel a little warm and just how much Dean cared. "Both well, need to sleep. Don't worry, Amber will protect me. Night. Xx"

Dean smiled when he read Castiel's reply. "good. get some rest, tell amber i'm counting on her. i'll see you tomorrow babe 3"

Dean set his phone down and sighed heavily, feeling a little more reassured about Castiel. There was school tomorrow, and Dean wasn't sure if Cas was going or not, but Dean would do whatever Cas did. If Cas needed another day home to rest and pull himself together, Dean would be there with him, but if he was ready to go to school, Dean would be with him the entire day. He fell asleep quickly, catching up on all the sleep he'd missed last night due to stress and anxiety about his boyfriend. The ring fit snugly on his finger and there was no way of him losing it, so he kept it on while he slept and never wanted to take it off.


	20. Chapter 20

Castiel awoke, feeling a little better. His sleep had been a little less restless and he'd only woken up twice in a cold sweat. Luckily he had Amber to provide some warmth and reassurance during the night. He swivelled into sitting up on the edge of the bed and stood up and went into the bathroom to shower and brush his teeth. Their was no way he was going to stay at home today. He needed something to focus himself with and the sets and play were laid back enough for him to be able to get through it. He knew all the lines for his character so he wouldn't really be pushing himself too hard at all. With a nod, he picked up his phone and text Dean to say he was going to school before changing and heading downstairs towards his bike.

Dean woke up and checked his phone, relieved and a little nervous at the same time that Cas wanted to go to school. Nobody else knew about Jimmy's death, at least he didn't think anyone else knew. He texted back, "ok, i'll see you there 3" He quickly showered and brushed his teeth, and then threw on an old tee shirt and faded, ripped jeans and his old brown suede flip flops and then ran down the stairs, where Sam was just putting his dishes in the sink. John had left already, and Dean realized he'd barely seen the man in days. "Come on, Sammy. Cas is going to school today." Sam nodded and followed Dean out to the car, and they began driving to school.

Castiel rode his bike to school, managing to stay on it which he considered a bonus. He waited for Dean like he did every other day but this time he felt like everyone was watching him. Like they knew about Jimmy. That was impossible of course but Castiel couldn't help but feel paranoid over it. He was all too glad when Dean showed up and he bound towards him, wrapping his arms around his neck and squeezing him tightly.

Dean got out of the car and saw Cas already there by his motorcycle and he quickly got out of the car, sharing a knowing glance with Sam. When Cas ran over to him, Dean pulled him close and buried his face in Castiel's shoulder. "Hey, Cas," he breathed, holding him for a long time before loosening his grip and backing away just a little, enough to look at Cas. "You look better," he commented with a small smile, studying his face. Sam stood awkwardly behind Dean and stepped forward. "Cas, I'm so sorry," he said, his eyes conveying everything he meant.

Castiel smiled slightly, just to prove how much better he was. It wasn't much but it was a start. He looked up at Sam and smiled sadly, reaching out to squeeze his arm briefly. "Thank you. I'd appreciate it if you both kept this a secret," he said looking between the two boys. "I don't want people's pity stares. I just want everything to go back to normal." He took Dean's hand, the metal band pressing against his skin as their fingers laced together and he smiled slightly.

Dean and Sam both nodded in understanding. "Yeah, of course." Dean told Cas. He'd felt the same when their mom had died, and he'd hated the pity stares and whispers. "In that case, you ready for school?" He squeezed Castiel's hand reassuringly and kissed him softly on the lips before looking down at their intwined fingers with the ring shining brightly, and then up at the guitar pick necklace. Sam shuffled awkwardly, clearly uncomfortable in his third-wheel status, and mumbled something about heading inside to school, and Dean rolled his eyes.

Castiel nodded, leaning into Dean's touch and walking slowly with him up to the school. There weren't many people there which Castiel was thankful about. He wasn't sure he could handle too bigger crowds today. They went to the art rooms and Castiel fell right back into routine as if nothing had happened. He put his stuff in the corner and tugged on his art hoodie, looking over the work they'd done without him yesterday before picking a spot to start on get to work.

Dean straddled a chair nearby and watched Castiel paint. He looked so confident when he painted, so in control, and Dean realized this was good for him. All his focus and energy was on his work, and the silence of the room was peaceful rather than uncomfortable. There was nobody else here yet, but Dean supposed Anna and the other art students would appear soon and ask them why they weren't in school, but for right now, things were calm.

Castiel painted for a while, letting his mind channel back into the work and focus on something positive. He wanted the play to go really well for the both of them. They deserved for something to go right in their lives. "Would you like to go through the scene, Dean? The one Chuck stole from you?" he asked, seeing as they had time to spare and Castiel could read his lines whilst he painted and Dean could get a chance to practise.

Dean frowned at the mention of Chuck, and he nodded. "Sure, I could use the practice. Don't wanna completely embarrass myself at rehearsal today," he said. He didn't stand up, but got his script out of his backpack and opened it up to the right page. He knew Cas could already say all the lines. "Okay, I'm ready," he said, feeling a little nervous for some reason. Singing was more his thing, and he was looking forward to starting the singing parts of the play.

Castiel continued painting but managed to emote a little in his movements so Dean didn't feel like he was playing against a brick wall. He said his first line, his accent back and his mannerisms changed even when painting to acclimatize to Riff's character. It felt weird to be doing this again so soon but it felt nice to pretend to be someone else, not having to deal with the real world for a while and just pretend.

Dean acted along with Castiel, reading the script and trying to look up when he remembered lines. It wasn't that hard, the lines were pretty short and the conversation flowed smoothly. Cas was doing amazing, of course and somehow he managed to paint and recite his lines at the same time. They continued going through the scene and when it was finished Dean sighed nervously. "I hope I can do better than that in rehearsal," he muttered. "Thanks for helping me, though."

"I thought that was great, love," Castiel said enthusiastically. "Maybe just practise a bit more, you still seem a little stiff. Tony's confident and he knows it." Castiel put his brush down and reached up to kiss Dean softly. "You're going to be great, Dean. You've just got to believe in yourself."

Dean smiled shyly at Cas. "Thanks," he murmured, kissing him again. "I'm really looking forward to the singing rehearsals. And I can't wait to see you dance." The singing was more Dean's area, like the dancing was Castiel's. He sighed with a small smile on his face and watched Cas resume painting.

Castiel smiled and returned to his work, painting with content and feeling more relaxed than he had for a few days. "I haven't danced properly in a good while now. It'll be good to get back into things," he agreed with a nod. "I can't wait for tonight, hear that voice of yours again. Dean, you don't even know what you do to me with that voice."

Dean giggled in pleased embarrassment and smirked at Cas even though he was blushing. "Oh, really? I do things to you with my voice?" He teased, leaning closer and trailing a finger down Castiel's spine. "Well, your dancing makes me want to do things to you. Especially those hips," he breathed against Castiel's ear playfully, and he really needed to stop thinking about Castiel's hips or he was going to have a little problem.

Castiel shivered under Dean's touch, almost purring at the sensation of Dean's fingers delicately skimming his spine. He closed his eyes and bit his lip, begging for Dean to stop before something embarrassing happened. He kissed Dean softly, pulling away before Dean had a chance to take things further. He didn't like the idea of getting caught in the art rooms.

Dean grinned at Castiel's reaction. This was the Cas he knew and loved, the one who responded to Dean's touch with physical desire and yet pushed him away sensibly before things could go too far. He ruffled Castiel's hair affectionately. "Sorry. Thanks for stopping me, because I was on the verge of losing control."

Castiel blushed, dipping his head to hide his reddened face. "I don't think I would be able to stop you if you persisted much longer.," he admitted quietly. He kissed Dean again briefly before again, "You should get going to class, I don't want you to keep missing stuff for me."

"Yeah," Dean agreed reluctantly. He really did have to go to class, he'd missed a chemistry test yesterday and he had to talk to Mr. Singer about it, and he assumed therefore that he knew about Jimmy's suicide. Dean wasn't looking forward to talk to Mr. Singer because it would probably turn into some emotional conversation that he didn't want to have. "You gonna be okay?" He asked Cas again gently.

Castiel nodded with a small smile, "I'll be fine." He planted a kiss to Dean's lips briefly before returning to his work. Castiel was just glad there was no one else in art yet. Probably in class and couldn't get the time off or something but Castiel was grateful for it. He just wanted to be alone with his thoughts and paint for a while longer before anyone started asking him questions he didn't want to answer.

Dean went to chemistry early, before any of the other students got there, to talk to Mr. Singer about the test he'd missed. "Uh, excuse me, Mr. Singer?" Dean asked awkwardly, stepping into the room. Mr. Singer looked up and when he saw it was Dean he smiled sadly at him. "Dean," he acknowledged after a beat. "I missed the test yesterday, can I make it up sometime?" Dean asked timidly. Mr. Singer nodded and gestured for Dean to pull up a nearby chair and sit down, which Dean did uncertainly. Mr. Singer stood up and closed the door of the classroom and then went and sat back at his desk, turning in his chair to face Dean. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, looking at Dean seriously. "How's Cas doing? Is he alright?" Mr. Singer asked carefully. Dean swallowed and shrugged, absently playing with the ring on his finger. It was still really awkward to talk about things like this with his chemistry teacher. "He's pretty upset, obviously, but I think he's gonna be okay." Dean replied after a moment. Mr. Singer sighed quietly and nodded. "I trust you to take care of him. Don't let 'im hurt himself or do anything stupid, understand?" Dean looked at Mr. Singer with wide eyes, uncertain about what to say to that. How could Mr. Singer possibly know about that? Mr. Singer shook his head and rolled his eyes a little bit. "I ain't stupid, boy. I know the type, I've taught high school students for over 12 years." Dean nodded in understanding and looked away with a little blush. "Okay," he mumbled, and Mr. Singer sighed again. "Listen, Dean. I know it's none of my business but I know about his family and I worried about that boy, scared he was gonna turn out like the rest of them, but now he's got you and I ain't worried anymore." Mr. Singer nodded at Dean's hand, staring at the ring, and Dean glanced down at it too. "He's serious about you, Dean, and he needs you more than ever right now. Don't screw it up." Dean nodded timidly at Mr. Singer's warning, and then Mr. Singer smiled at him warmly. "You're a good kid, Dean. And you're good for Cas. Now, about that test..."

Castiel sat in art, painting with concentration he was determined to keep up. Until Anna came in of course. She hadn't heard about Jimmy and he wanted to keep it that way. He gave her a smile as she nodded timidly and came and sat by him, sorting out her stuff before beginning to paint with him. "Are you alright, Castiel? You weren't in school yesterday.." she asked quietly with concern. Castiel gave her the most convincing smile he could produce and said, "I was just feeling a bit under the weather, didn't want to come in." Anna felt there was something he was hiding. She'd watched Castiel for long enough to know when he looked depressed but she didn't say anything, figured it wasn't her business. "So..you and Dean, you're okay?" she asked carefully. Castiel smiled warmly, nodding, "Better than ever thanks to you, Anna. Thank you so much for helping us out with the dinner." Anna blushed and smiled, dipping her head to hide behind her hair. "It was no problem." Castiel hugged her and she smiled and hugged him back. Then they painted in comfortable silence.

Dean spent the rest of the morning making up the chemistry test in the back of Mr. Singer's classroom when all the other students were doing experiments. The test was hard, and Dean hadn't been paying attention as much as he should have been with everything that was going on, and Dean was worried he was going to fail it. He finished just before the bell went for lunch and then waited until all the other kids left the classroom before shuffling up to Mr. Singer's desk and handing it to him sheepishly. took it wordlessly and gave Dean a kind, knowing smile, which Dean returned and then left to go to the tree, hoping Cas would be there too.

Castiel worked up until lunch with Anna, painting the sets and talking about nothing in particular. They went outside for lunch, Castiel lay down in the grass, looking up at the clouds and Anna sat wordlessly with him eating her sandwiches, just glad for the company. He noticed clouds that looked like dogs and trees even ones that looked like hearts but they soon dissolved into tiny clouds and Castiel stopped watching after that and concentrated on the grass that was currently pressed against his cheek as he lay on his side.

Dean stopped at the canteen before going to the tree to buy some food. He got a few cookies and some bags of chips and a sandwich and then went outside to the tree. Cas and Anna were already there and Dean smiled as he joined them on the grass, putting the food down in the middle for anyone to take. Dean smiled softly and laid down next to Cas, leaning over to kiss him before propping himself up on his elbows and looking at Anna. "Hey, thanks again for coming to dinner," he said to her gratefully.

Anna nodded and smiled timidly, nibbling at her sandwich silently. Castiel moved so he lay on his back to look up at Dean. "I missed you," he whispered, stroking the other's cheek. It sounded ridiculous to Anna but she didn't say anything. Only Dean knew why he seemed so desperate and hopeless to function without Dean but he didn't care. He'd managed to paint without sobbing uncontrollably so it was a start.

Dean's expression softened when he looked down at Cas. "How are you doing?" He asked in an almost inaudible tone, feeling a little bad about hiding it from Anna but it was up to Cas whether he wanted her to know or not. Castiel looked a little strained, still pale and exhausted with hidden grief, but it wasn't too noticeable. He didn't want Cas to push himself too hard. Dean leaned down to kiss him softly on the lips and then rested their foreheads together for a moment before backing away and turning guiltily to Anna, feeling bad for making her feel like a third wheel.

Castiel leaned into the kiss, smiling softly up at Dean and kept his hand on his cheek. He looked over at Anna who was focussing on her lunch and giving the boys their space feeling like she didn't want to intrude. "Anna, we were thinking maybe us three and Dean's brother, Sam, could all go for dinner sometime. You know, to say thanks and that," Castiel said quietly, looking up at Dean to see if he agreed.

Dean smiled in agreement and then looked over at Anna. "Yeah, anywhere  
you want to go. My treat." He added encouragingly. Anna looked between both of them with a shy, wide-eyed smile, before she bit her lip and shrugged. "That'd be nice," she said quietly, looking pleased. "But you don't have to. I was glad to help." Dean shook his head. "I insist," he said firmly, smiling at her playfully.

Castiel smiled over at Anna, "Honestly, Anna, you've helped us so much. I don't know what would have happened if you'd have said no." Castiel took Dean's hand and laced it with his. "It's the least we can do," he added. Anna blushed and smiled softly, glad to know she'd made an impact on other's lives. "It would be nice to meet Sam under different circumstances," she mused, he seemed nice enough but she didn't really know him other than when she was pretending to be Dean's girlfriend. "Then that settles it," Castiel smiled, lying back down in the grass.

"Great," Dean said with a pleased smile, looking from Cas to Anna happily.  
"Wanna go sometime this week? I think it'd be easier before rehearsal  
starts getting more intense," he suggested.

Castiel nodded, "Sounds good." Anna smiled timidly, nodding in agreement. Anna stood up from her spot on the grass, brushing the dirt off her jeans. "I've got to go see my math teacher before the end of lunch, I'll see you guys later," she said, before heading off back into the school. Castiel relaxed a little once she was gone, clearly having to keep up a bit more of a happier expression than he was feeling just to keep Anna from asking questions.

Dean waited until Anna was out of earshot before looking down at Cas again and stroking his face, noticing that Castiel was no longer smiling and he looked downright sad now. It broke Dean's heart, and he kissed Castiel's nose softly. "So, you didn't tell her?" Dean asked gently. He understood about Cas wanting to keep it a secret.

Castiel shook his head. "I don't want her to know. I just want everything to be normal. I want people to look at me like I'm not just a complete mess," Castiel explained. He reached up to kiss Dean gently. "I only trust you to see that side of me," he said, barely above a whisper.

Dean smiled sadly and nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I get it. Whatever makes you comfortable, Cas." he murmured softly. He couldn't help the little rush of excitement that shivered through him when Cas admitted Dean was the only one he trusted enough to share this with. And he couldn't help but notice that they punctuated all their sentences with kisses now. The thought made him smile and lean down for another kiss.

Castiel hummed, stroking Dean's cheek. "I love you," he murmured against Dean's lips. He could see Dean's freckles easily with him so close and it reminded him of Jimmy but not in a sad way. Just a way that the two people he adored more than anything in the world had got on even if it was for a short time. It gave him the knowledge that Jimmy was okay with Dean. It might not have been obvious to Dean but to Castiel he could pick up the gestures that indicated it and Jimmy's blessing meant more to him than anything in the world.

Dean ran his fingers through Castiel's hair as he gazed down at him. The blue sky was reflected in his blue eyes and they stood out against the green of the grass and his dark hair. "I know," he murmured, because it was obvious. Cas didn't need to keep telling him, but it made Dean's heart skip a beat and his chest grow warm every time he heard it. He didn't want Cas to stop saying it. "I love you too." He replied before kissing Castiel gently. Dean's hand trailed up to Castiel's chest and absently fingered the guitar pick, the plastic clinking against the metal of the ring.

Castiel hummed into the kiss, placing his hand over Dean's against his chest as the other played with his guitar pick. "We should probably get back," he said reluctantly. "Rehearsals will start soon and we already missed them yesterday," he worried, biting his lip and squeezing Dean's hand lightly as he looked up at him with a small smile.

"You're right," Dean said with a grim smile as rolled away and stood up, offering a hand to Cas to help him to his feet. Once they were both standing Dean slid an arm around Castiel's waist and put his backpack over his shoulder. He wasn't looking forward to rehearsal; it would be stressful enough even without the weight of what had happened.

Castiel took Dean's hand as he helped him up, sliding his arm around Dean's waist as they began to walk. He wasn't looking forward to Mrs Harvelle, he didn't want to upset her if they had trouble working around either himself or Dean. Castiel had wanted to go to school yesterday just because of that reason. He was glad Dean changed his mind but the point still stood that he didn't want people to have to go out of their way just to work around him.

When they reached the auditorium, the other students were milling around on the stage. Mrs. Harvelle clapped her hands a few times for attention, and everyone went quiet and looked at her. "Today, we're doing something a little different." She announced. "We're going to run through some dance steps. This is the choreographer, Ms. Jody Mills." Jody Mills stepped forward and smiled excitedly. "Okay, I think we'll start with the Gym Mambo Scene because that's going to take the most work." She began arranging all of the students into positions to start the dance; all the Jets and their girls on one side, all of the Sharks and their girls on the other side. "Remember your spots for now, please. They may change, though, so be prepared for adjustments. Let's just see how this works."

Castiel watched, eyes lighting up at the prospect of dancing. He kissed Dean's cheek before moving away seeing as Dean didn't enter until later. Castiel watched with bright eyes as Ms. Mills showed them the first few steps and Castiel followed along easily enough but his movements were a little timid compared to the night he'd last danced with Dean in the cabin. Jimmy's death had really knocked him down a peg and he was struggling to stay on top but he managed to follow along just the same.

Dean was standing beside Ruby while they waited for their entrance, because their dance came after and they had a little while to wait. Ruby elbowed Dean in the ribs and shot him an amused smirk. "You're staring," she whispered, and Dean blushed and realized he'd been looking at Castiel's ass the whole time. "Shut up," he muttered, "You have a crush on my brother." Now it was Ruby's turn to blush, and Dean snickered as she punched him in the arm.

Castiel was partnered up with Meg which surprised him. "Why didn't you tell me you were in the play?" he asked, glad to see a familiar face. It would certainly come in handy when he was having a rough day and needed someone who wouldn't go to harsh on him. "Why didn't you tell me you were so damn good at dancing, Clarence?" she retorted with a smirk, slapping his ass. "Come on, shake that moneymaker." Castiel span her sharply, keeping her on her toes as they danced and trying to catch her out for not concentrating.

Dean rose his eyebrows in shock as Meg slapped Castiel's ass while they were dancing, and he felt a stab of ridiculous possessive jealousy shoot through him. Ruby got over her embarrassment quickly enough and she smirked at Dean. "Oh, poor widdle Dean," she teased, pinching his cheek. "Look at you, all pouty and shit. You're breaking my heart." Dean glared at her and blushed again, and Ruby laughed lightly, leaning in to give him a hug. "'C'mere, you big sap." Dean sighed in defeat and hugged her back, resting his chin on the top of her head. "Dude, you're so short," he said in amusement, and Ruby poked him in the stomach.

Castiel followed the steps as they got taught them. He knew roughly the routine but it was always better to practise it with someone physically standing there. Although having Meg slap his ass wasn't exactly helping. They span around one another, flinging their arms into the air and swinging their hips roughly. "So hows Romeo?" Meg purred, keeping her body loose as she continued to dance. Castiel blushed but didn't falter. "He's fine," Castiel said quietly when Ms. Mills looked their way as if to say 'keep focused'.

"So. How's Sammy?" Ruby asked with a little smirk, and Dean grinned down at her. "Sammy won't shut up about you," He told her, and she blushed, looking down with a small, pleased smile. "So... are you going to go out with him or just keep playing hard to get and breaking his heart? I'm fed up with his whining, chica." Dean said teasingly, but there was an element of truth to his words. He wanted Sam to be happy.

Castiel and Meg restarted the dance, practising all the steps put together. Thankfully, Meg was a good dancer and didn't need to be told how to do it twice. Castiel wasn't in the mood to be patient. There was only so much he could take of pretending to be fine. At least at the party he'd be with Dean and be happy. "Damn, Clarence, you've got some moves," Meg purred. Castiel rolled his eyes, twirling as she did so in unison "I wouldn't be much of a dancer otherwise now would I?" Castiel retorted back, to which Meg smirked and circled him closely a little more than necessary.

Ruby shrugged sheepishly and flipped her hair. "Fine. If you're telling me to go for it, then by all means I'll go for it, big brother." Dean rolled his eyes fondly, he was really starting to like Ruby. She was funny and nice and smart and Dean thought he wouldn't mind seeing her more often, if Sam started dating her. "Yeah, that's right. I'm the big brother, and Sam won't date anyone without my approval. But I give you permission, so consider yourself lucky."

"Aren't you the lucky one, Clarence," Meg grinned quietly as Ms. Mills went over the routine again as some people still weren't getting it. Castiel frowned, "I'm sorry?" Meg grinned wickedly, tracing a finger over Castiel's jaw. "You get to kiss me in front of all those people," she purred. Castiel shook his head, staring at her. "Wait, YOU'RE Graziella?" Castiel exclaimed. "Indeed I am, and I know you're just dying to get a taste of these luscious lips," she teased. Castiel rolled his eyes, shoving her away slightly. "I'm taken," Castiel stated. Meg nodded, smirking "I know, it just makes it all the more fun." Castiel wasn't sure if she was joking or not.

Dean had to physically force himself from growling as he watched Meg put her hands on Castiel's body, trail a finger over his jaw, and bat her eyes flirtatiously. Ruby was laughing beside him, and Dean glared at her. "You're a bitch," he muttered half-heartedly. "Are you seeing this?" He gestured towards Cas and Meg in disbelief, and Ruby giggled again and shoved his arm. "Relax, Winchester. That's nothing. Wait until your boyfriend sees what you and I get to do." Ruby winked at him in mock flirtation, and Dean sighed and rolled his eyes at her antics. "Yeah, you and Chuck the first weekend, remember?" Dean murmured in a quiet voice and smirked at her. Ruby groaned, and Dean laughed. "Lucky you." Dean said triumphantly. Chuck was pretty weird and Dean was glad he didn't have to actually perform any scenes with him, since they were the same character. Ms. Mills finished up the dance routine for the mambo scene and then cleared the stage. She gestured Anna, Dean and Chuck over to begin teaching them their dance. "Okay. Two Tonys." She pointed to Dean first and told Chuck to go join her so she could show them both the steps. Dean and Ruby danced together while Ms. Mills danced and taught Chuck at the same time.

Castiel went and sat down with Meg, watching as Dean learnt the dance moves to the dream like sequence between Tony and Maria. Castiel watched the steps and tried to memorize them as best as possible. Dean was more of a singer than dancer and Castiel wanted to be able to help Dean when he could so knowing Ruby's moves would be helpful to play along side Dean at home if he needed more practise.

The dancing felt a little awkward to Dean, because the dance moves were a little weird and Dean hadn't really danced before, but he pushed through it and tried to keep up with Ruby, who was actually really good at dancing, and when they reached the end of the sequence they had to kiss. Ms. Mills encouraged them with an amused smile. "You're going to have to do it several more times in the play," she reasoned, and Dean sighed and went for it, leaning down as Ruby leaned up and their lips met in a stiff kiss. It was really weird, since Dean hadn't actually kissed a girl since he met Cas, and he'd almost forgotten what it was like, but kissing a girl would never be as good as kissing Cas.

Castiel watched as Dean danced, noting where he could be better and making a mental note to practise those moves in particular with him to help him get better and then it happened. The moment Castiel had been dreading but he hadn't realized it would be so soon. He felt Meg reach for his hand and he looked at her curiously. Her expression was sincere as she squeezed his hand with a knowing smile. "It's okay, Clarence. You get to be even by kissing me. It's just for show," she assured, making Castiel feel a little better but he wouldn't calm down completely until he had Dean back in his arms.

After the kiss, which Chuck and Ms. Mills didn't do, thankfully, Ruby smirked and poked Dean in the chest. "That sucked," she complained, "That wasn't even a kiss!" Dean gaped at her in disbelief. "That's all you're getting, bitch." He grinned at her teasingly and she rolled her eyes. Ms. Mills clapped her hands to get their attention again, shaking her head in amusement. "Come on, now. We don't need any drama queens in drama club." Ruby stuck her tongue out at Dean and they got into position for the beginning of the dance again.

Castiel watched as they danced again, Dean's movements becoming a little better. He just hoped they didn't kiss again at the end. Castiel just wanted to go home, put on a suit and sing for strangers. He was just glad his mom was going too. He wanted to see her smiled and look relaxed again. He'd seen her at his father's party but it wasn't the same. She just put on a smile for the sake of appearance. He wanted to see her really smile and just be happy for once.

After they were done with the dance, Ruby tried to kiss him again, mostly just to annoy him, but Dean made a face and pushed her away. Ms. Mills clapped. "That was excellent, except for the last part, but I assume you won't do that in the show. Okay, looks like we're out of time! See you all tomorrow!" She announced to the whole room, and Dean let out a sigh of relief, smiling smugly at Ruby before heading over to Cas. He wrapped him up in his arms and kissed his lips firmly. "Sorry," he murmured with a small smile, "Ruby just can't help herself."

Castiel kissed Dean back desperately, "She's just jealous the good Winchester was taken." Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean and smirked, "Don't give me that look. You're forgetting I was an observer before I met you. You'll be surprised how much I know without actually talking to people." He took Dean's hand and entwined it with his. "Come on mister, we've got a party to go to."

Dean broke into a wide grin at Castiel's eagerness, something he'd missed over the past few days. It would be a good idea for Cas to get out and have some fun, doing what he did best. Dean was looking forward to it, and he squeezed Castiel's hand again and they started walking out. Dean stuck his tongue out at Ruby as they walked past her and he pointedly took Castiel's arm and wrapped it around his waist, and Ruby smiled in fond exasperation. "She's gonna have settle for Sam, then," he said to Cas, and began walking out to the hallway.

Castiel chuckled when Dean put his arm around Dean's waist, trying to prove a point. Once they got out into the parking lot, Castiel hugged Dean tightly before letting go. "I'll see you in a bit then," he smiled a little, putting his helmet on. He straddled his motorcycle and kissed Dean's ring hand tentatively before driving home to get ready for the party.


	21. Chapter 21

Dean went home to get ready for the party. John was in the kitchen cooking some pasta, and he turned around when Dean came in the door. _Shit. _John looked at him expressionlessly and asked, "Where've you been?" Dean shrugged off his backpack and held it in front of himself protectively. "Rehearsal," he muttered. John snorted in disapproval. "What about yesterday? You weren't at rehearsal all day, were you?" Dean bit his lip and quickly tried to think of a response that wouldn't make his dad upset. "Went to meet some friends for lunch in the city and went to a party afterwards." John narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but he turned back to the pasta cooking on the stove. "I'm taking A-Cassie out for dinner," He said, biting his lip hard at the accidental slip, but John didn't seem to notice and didn't turn around. Dean started heading up the stairs. "I'll be back late, don't wait up." He said, although it was unlikely John would care enough to wait up for him to get home. Dean sighed bitterly and dropped his backpack on his bed, then took his nice suit out of his closet. He put on the white dress shirt and his olive-green silk tie and then put on the waistcoat and his dress pants. He tied his shoes and slipped his jacket on, and then examined himself in the full-length mirror. The suit fit him well and looked pretty good, and he felt good in it. It boosted his confidence even though he was a little nervous for the party, but it would be fine. He fixed his hair with a little product and sprayed on just a little bit of cologne before heading downstairs and out to the car, slipping by before John could see how dressed up he was, because that would definitely bring questions. He drove to Castiel's house and when he got there he knocked on the door eagerly, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet in nervous excitement.

Once Castiel got home he ran straight upstairs and into the shower, he got into his suit. Black jacket, dress pants, grey waistcoat and white shirt, accompanying it with a simple single knot tie which was dark grey. He made his hair look the same as prom. His hair sticking up at the front with a bit of product that sent Dean crazy. He heard the knock at the door and went to race down to get it but he could hear his mom answering the door and decided to take the opportunity to walk down the stairs like in rom-coms when the guy is waiting for their prom date and is blown away as they walk in slow motion down the stairs. Mrs Novak answered the door, already dress. She wore a strapless red dress that showed off her curves and pooled down to her ankles, showing off her skin coloured heels. Her long brown hair flowed in loose curls draped across her pale shoulders, enhancing her blue eyes much like Castiel's. And most importantly, her hands were free from rings. She smiled at Dean and gestured for him to come inside. "You look so handsome, sweetheart. Castiel will be down in a minute. You excited for this evening."

Dean grinned at Mrs. Novak. She looked absolutely stunning in that dress, and Dean told her so, kissing her on the cheek. She looked happier than she had earlier, and there was more light in her eyes when she looked at Dean. He blushed at her compliment. "I'm a little nervous," he admitted, but then his attention was drawn to the stairs where Castiel was descending, looking incredible. His jaw dropped when he looked at Cas, and then he smiled slowly. "Wow," he breathed in awe, looking his boyfriend up and down. He looked drop-dead gorgeous, the suit fitting him well and the colors perfectly coordinated, and his hair was styled in the way he'd worn it to prom and the talent show, which looked really hot. He stepped forward away from Mrs. Novak and held out his hand for Cas. "You look amazing," he said, blushing.

Castiel came down the stairs slowly, trying not to smile too much at the realization that his life had actually come to this. That he had someone to descend stairs for. To present himself to them and watch as their jaw dropped because they generally thought Castiel looked that amazing. He blushed when Dean complimented him and he kissed Dean's hand, feeling kissing his lips would be a bit much in front of his mom. "So do you," he said quietly, "I just need to get my guitar and then we can go." He went into the other room and obtained the instrument before joining his mom and Dean out to the car. Castiel and Dean in the back seat whilst his mom drove them to the party in the city.

Dean grinned and held Castiel's hand in the backseat, slightly nervous but mostly just happy to be doing this with Cas. The ride into the city was kind of long, and Dean alternated between looking out the window at the dark highway and stealing glances at Cas. "So," he said after a while, "What's this party for, anyway?" He knew Crowley and Mr. Singer were hosting it, but he didn't know what they were celebrating.

Castiel shrugged, "I think it's just a thing Crowley does." He knew Crowley liked to put on a show and he just assumed it was for being a new client to his father's work or someone's birthday or something. Maybe it was just because they had alcohol and an excuse to drink it which Castiel was all for either way. When they got to the city, they parked outside a swanky looking building. Once inside, the place was completely decorated with champagne fountains, jazz band..the whole shebang and Castiel had to say, he was impressed. He walked over to where a large piano sat and placed his guitar against it. Everyone was dancing to the background jazz music so Castiel went in search of champagne to wait until Crowley told them what to do.

Dean followed Cas to the champagne with an apologetic look at Mrs. Novak. It looked like they weren't the only teenagers there; there were some other snobby-looking kids with their parents, and some kids who clearly did not want to be there and were utterly bored by the party but were pretending to be interested in the conversation. Dean was glad he had Cas, but this party looked pretty awesome. He took a glass of champagne for himself to ease the nerves and sipped at it slowly, looking around curiously.

Crowley spotted them and clasped a hand on either one's shoulder. "Ah, boys, glad you could make it. Bands ready to back you up, good luck." Castiel watched as Crowley nodded and walked away. Castiel chugged his champagne and kissed Dean to ease his nerves. "Okay, let's do this," he smiled. He walked up to the piano and sat down by it. He nodded to the band who had clearly been informed of the playlist and knew what to do. Castiel smiled over at Dean and waited for his word to begin.

( watch?v=y1p8o7x2o1o skdjfhdjfh CAS SHOULD SING THE FRENCH PARTS)

Dean swallowed and nodded at Cas, smiling nervously. The first song was something kind of jazzy and intense to start off before they did something calmer and more relaxed. The drummer and the other musicians smiled encouragingly at Dean, and the drummer tapped out a beat, watching Cas to start playing the piano, and Dean listened in amazement as Cas played the piano. He'd never heard him play before, and he was really good. Dean almost forgot to sing, but he remembered himself and stood in front of the microphone, projecting his voice out confidently and falling into the rhythm of the song.

Castiel played the piano along, setting the beat with the drummer and listened to Dean sing. His voice would never fail to amaze Castiel. He nodded along, looking up at Dean now and then, trying not to focus on the audience in case he got nervous and freaked out. When the instrumental came, Castiel couldn't help but smile as he sang in French, figuring Dean would prefer him to do it seeing as Dean's French still lacked that quality. He felt back at home with his grande-mere singing in French and playing on the large piano and he could feel his mom watching him and he grinned further.

Dean watched breathlessly as Castiel sang in French while playing the piano, and every other sound fell away and it was just Cas and the piano for a moment, his voice pitched low and hauntingly beautiful. Then, the drums started up again, showy and dramatic, and Castiel played the piano, bending his head down in concentration as his fingers darted rapidly over the keys, and Dean's voice joined in again. He glanced out at the room, noticing that some people had stopped dancing and were simply standing in front of the little stage and watching them perform. He smiled at Mrs. Novak as he sang and then took the microphone out of its stand to hold it as the song reached the end.

Castiel exhaled deeply as the song ended and people started clapping. It felt like the talent show again and he felt so alive and he couldn't stop smiling to be up here with Dean on stage again and make wonderful music together. The next song they sang made Castiel smile, it was one they'd sung before and everyone seemed to love it. Castiel grabbed his guitar and came and stood with Dean over by the microphone waiting for him to start.

Dean grinned knowingly at Cas. This was a song they'd sung before, and he remembered the faces of the crowd at school when they'd done their little unplanned concert. Dean loved this song, and he also loved that it was a duet. He felt tingly all over with the excitement of performing. Cas played the guitar and the drummer and bassist were the only other people playing. Dean closed his eyes and danced to the beat a little bit. When they sang the duet parts and harmonized, Dean turned to Cas as they sang and met his eyes.

Castiel watched Dean and sang into the microphone with him, smiling idiotically. He couldn't stop watching him and had to look out into the audience as he sang or focus on the guitar so it didn't look like he was incapable of doing anything but stare at Dean. He sang with Dean, their voices combined smoothly together, along with the soft percussion and bass line it sounded pretty amazing.

Dean was breathless and trembling slightly by the time the song ended, and he stared at Cas for a moment, slowly lowering the microphone and breathing hard as he looked into Castiel's eyes, feeling dazed and thrilled. They were close to each other and neither of them had moved away, and then applause broke out in the audience and Dean blushed and grinned, remembering where they were, and he turned back to face the crowd and adjusted the microphone a little. The next song was another duet, something slower this time. Poison and Wine, which had a guitar part. Dean casually sat down on one of the stools for this one as it was a calmer song and he needed a break from standing after the intense singing.

Castiel started playing the acoustics whilst Dean sat down, his fingers were trembling slightly over the strings but he tried to focus on playing. He smiled over at Dean reassuring him as he introduced him in on the guitar. He sang his parts softly, eyes shut with his head bent down over the guitar and leaning slightly into the microphone so he could still be heard. Castiel wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at just how at ease he felt when singing with Dean. All his cares had washed away and he was just living in the moment. Forgetting about Lucifer and Gabriel, his Grande-mere and Jimmy. Just working with the moment here with Dean, and he couldn't have been happier.

Dean watched Castiel the entire time they were singing. The melody alternated back and forth between the two of them, and when their voices harmonized, it gave Dean chills. For some reason, Dean always felt a little funny after singing with Cas, as if he'd just woken up from a dream. It was so beautiful and it didn't seem real. Dean focused on Castiel's looks instead of his voice so he wouldn't lose track of the lyrics, and he was blown away by the sheer beauty of Castiel's head bent forward in concentration, brow slightly furrowed with emotion as he sang, and the slight glisten of sweat on the back of his neck, and for a moment Dean could pretend nothing had happened and everything was fine.

The song ended and Castiel looked up at Dean with pure love and devotion gleaming in his eyes. His grief of Jimmy pushed far back as he spent tonight for Dean. Showing him just how different he could be just by Dean's influence. That he made him a better person. Castiel caught a glimpse of red and looked over in the audience to see his mom subtly signalling to him. He narrowed his eyes in confusion before realizing what she wanted. "Uh, ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the musical stylings of Mrs. Novak," he introduced nervously. He hadn't seen it in the playlist for her to sing but Crowley seemed to gesture for it to be allowed and if his mom was gonna sing, you'd be damned she was gonna sing. He put the guitar back down by the piano and took Dean's hand and led them over to the piano to sit him down on the stool. Mrs Novak whispered the name of the song to Castiel and his features softened, almost bursting into tears there and then. He sat down, his knees almost buckling from the weight. "She says this is for you," he whispered to Dean, not daring to look at him in fear of crying. He led his mom in with the piano instrumental. His mom took centre stage, looking as glamorous as ever. Her floor length red dress practically glowing under the lights and enhancing her appeal. She took the microphone from it's stand and leant against the other side of the piano gracefully. _There's a hero, if you look inside your heart. You don't have to be afraid of what you are. _She sang majestically and softly, her voice piercing through the room full of slow dancing guests, but to Castiel it felt like it was just the three of them. Understanding the true message behind her words and Castiel struggled to keep a straight face, his lip quivering slightly as he played the soft melody.

( watch?v=0IA3ZvCkRkQ)

Dean looked at Mrs. Novak in curious confusion as she walked up to the stage, her red dress shimmering under the lights as she walked. He absently followed Cas over to the piano and sat down on the edge of the stool uncertainly, looking from Cas to Mrs. Novak in confusion. He wanted to ask what was going on but they seemed to have a plan, but Dean wondered why this hadn't been on the playlist Crowley had given them. Dean blinked in surprise when Cas told him Mrs. Novak had dedicated the song to him, and Dean sat back a little to give Cas room to play the piano. But as soon as the melody started, Dean's heart melted and he felt like crying. He knew this song, and the fact that Mrs. Novak was singing it for him made Dean want to cling to Castiel and cry into his shoulder, but he couldn't do that so he settled for staring at Mrs. Novak with wide, watery eyes and biting his lip. Dean glanced at Cas and saw the tearful, loving expression on his face and that just made the feeling more intense. The rest of the band kicked in then, nearly drowning out the piano, and Dean daringly took Castiel's hand off the keys and pulled him to his feet to lead him down to the dance floor. If a piano was needed, the keyboardist could do it. Right now, Dean wanted an excuse to hold Castiel close.

Castiel has been in his own little world, trying to concentrate on the notes and not on Dean otherwise he would just collapse into a puddle of mess and be incapable of playing music. Abruptly, Dean took his hands and Castiel gasped softly, jumping a little as he was snapped out of his zone. He looked up at Dean with wide eyes but his features soon softened when he saw the heartfelt look on the other's face. He squeezed his hand and smiled softly, taking them off the stage and to the side of the dance floor out the way from the other guests. He wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, pulling him close as he started to sway them. _And then a hero comes along, with the strength to carry on. And you cast your fears aside, and you know you can survive. _Mrs. Novak continued to belt out the notes, singing with all her heart as the words sunk in hard for the two teens. No one else seemed to notice Castiel desperately clinging to Dean or vice versa. No one knew just how much meaning the song had for them but that didn't matter, they had each other.

Dean ignored everybody else and led Cas to a balcony near the dance floor that was partially hidden behind an elegant curtain, into the cool night air, and put his hands on Castiel's waist as Castiel's arms went around his neck, and Dean close his eyes and listened to the sound of Mrs. Novak's voice. He was trembling with emotion and a few tears slipped down his cheeks as he pressed his forehead against Castiel's and they swayed lazily back and forth to the music, not exactly dancing but not exactly standing either. Everybody else just disappeared and it was just the two of them and the music, and the meaning behind the lyrics hitting Dean right in the chest.

Castiel held Dean tightly, closing his eyes, not baring to see the pure emotion flooding from Dean's eyes. He snaked a hand into his hair to caress it softly in an attempt to calm him a little. Castiel sang along softly to the words along with his mom, close to Dean's ear, emphasizing her meaning. Dean had shown Castiel hope. In all meanings of the word, Dean was his hero. His knight in shining armour. He'd shown him the light when darkness entrapped him. He gave him a purpose again. He kissed Dean's cheek, in between the verse and chorus, kissing away his tears. It wouldn't do for Dean to go back up on stage with tear stained cheeks.

Something between a laugh and a sob escaped Dean's throat and he clung to Castiel tighter, smiling and laughing and crying all at the same time. He'd never felt so loved in his entire life, and it was something he couldn't exactly process. This feeling of belonging and love and devotion he was getting from Castiel was more than Dean could understand, and he wondered how he'd done something so wonderful that he deserved this. Castiel's voice in his ear sent a beautiful chill from Dean's scalp to his toes, and he shivered a little and drew a shaky breath as Castiel kissed away his tears, and Dean tried to compose himself a little, overwhelmed by the emotions he was emitting.

Applause erupted from inside, Mrs Novak on stage taking a polite bow and smiling brightly. She couldn't see her boys but she knew they were there and they were listening. Castiel pulled Dean into a deep kiss, stroking his cheek with his thumb and drying his tears. "I love you," he said in a broken whisper, voice thick with emotion. He took Dean's hand and checked him once more to see if he looked presentable to go back on stage and led him by the hand slowly back up to the stage. He sat him on the piano stool and told him to wait there. He took the guitar and walked up to the microphone stand where his mom kissed his forehead and introduced him. Castiel looked over at Dean, biting his lip before nervously announcing to the crowd, "This is for Dean." He began playing the guitar, sneaking glances at Dean before he started singing softly.

Dean sat back on the piano stool nervously and waited to see what was going to happen; Dean didn't know what Cas was doing, because whatever this was wasn't on the playlist. Dean's heart skipped a beat in surprise when Cas made his little announcement, and then started playing the guitar delicately. Dean didn't know this song, but it fit Castiel's voice perfectly and he sounded so natural singing it. The lyrics were meaningful and beautiful and painful at the same time, and Dean had to turn away from the crowd and try not to cry. The fact that Cas was serenading him in front of an entire crowd of people, and was being honest and open without hesitation, in front of all these people, made Dean's heart melt. He turned back to Cas, fresh tears stinging in his eyes, and smiled softly as he listened to Castiel sing and play.

Castiel was nervous to play for a crowd without Dean right by his side but he guessed he'd have to get used to it for the play. Tony and Riff weren't always together in every scene. And his mom's song had awoken something in him. That she was truly right, Dean was his hero and he needed to know it, not from his mom or his friends but from him. From Castiel and he'd be damned if he wasn't going to make him see just how much he meant to him. He sang with all of his heart. He could see his mom dancing with one of the guests, Crowley at the back half dancing with a stubborn Bobby who was refusing to dance but found his husband's persistence amusing just the same. Both of them were smiling and laughing as they sort of danced. It didn't matter if they looked like idiots, it wasn't about appearance. It was about loving each other and not caring what everyone else though and Castiel couldn't have been prouder to say that he had that kind of relationship with Dean and it melted his heart. And he just wished, if they were lucky enough, they could grow up to be like Crowley and Bobby. Still together and as happy as they were now. He looked over at Dean with a bright smile, a single tear rolling down his cheek from repressing his emotions, trying to keep composed whilst he sang.

Dean bit his lip as a tear rolled down Castiel's cheek, right over his bright smile, and he had to bite back a sob that threatened to escape. He sniffed a little and tried to compose himself. He didn't want to break down and cry in front of all these people, but silent tears slid from his eyes and he could hardly breathe. When Castiel finished the song, Dean walked right up to him and pulled him into his arms. He buried his face in Castiel's neck and whispered, "I love you," Trying to put every ounce of meaning he could into the words. He loved Cas so much that he felt like his chest was going to explode with it. Applause and cheering echoed in the background, but all Dean could hear was the sound of their shaky breathing and his own dazed mumbling into Castiel's neck as he held him close.

Castiel finished the song and went to turn to Dean and was met with him running towards him and throwing his arms around him. Castiel moved the guitar to sit against his back as he wrapped an arm around Dean's waist and one in his hair, caressing it softly in an attempt to sooth him. His own emotions were on high but Castiel had learnt over the years to keep them under control and wait until he got home to let loose. Castiel kissed Dean's temple, gently easing him away to stand on his own. After all, they did have a crowd awaiting them, not that they seemed to mind too much. They seemed to be touched by the performance. Castiel wiped Dean's tears with the pad of his thumb, smiling reassuringly at him.

Dean kissed Castiel on the cheek and then hastily wiped away his tears, blushing deeply, but he didn't remove his hand from Castiel's waist and smiled at him shakily for a moment before glancing out at the crowd. The couples on the dance floor had all stopped dancing and were looking at the stage with smiles and applauding Cas. Dean spotted Crowley and Mr. Singer in the back of the room smiling at them proudly. Mr. Singer turned to Crowley with an expression of deep affection and said something to him, and Dean smiled wider. It was a little odd to think about but he could picture himself and Cas at that age, still in love and together. He didn't think he'd ever stop loving Cas.

Castiel grinned, laughing a little at how absurd this must look to onlookers. He tilted his head to speak into the microphone quietly, still shaken from the performance. "Apologies, uh, if mo-, uh Mrs. Novak could come up here and help us out that be great," he said, looking at the state of Dean and knowing he needed a little more time to compose himself and his mom was an excellent singer so it wasn't like anyone was complaining. Mrs Novak took a large chug of her drink and swayed over to the stage, picking up the microphone with great confidence and pointed over at the band, "Hit it," she growled. The band kicked into gear, clearly having been instructed by his mom previously, she was always crafty like that. She started singing with a smoke voice that made Castiel double take, she sounded amazing but no time for that. Castiel took Dean's hand, deposited of the guitar and dragged him out onto the dance floor to dance to try and cheer them both up to keep singing later.

( watch?v=g8SSZsZcVWI&list=PL7JyQP58MTP7DA-K6VLgXWFIWmGSjjvlB&index=37&feature=plpp_video

I hope you don't mind I just can't find a good male song so I just got her to sing plus I like this song)

(HOT DAMN MRS. NOVAK)

Dean giggled slightly in amazed disbelief as Mrs. Novak began singing again. He wiped his tears again and followed Castiel down to the dance floor, putting them in the middle of the of the crowd of people. More of the teenagers that were there came out to the dance floor to join the dancers, the upbeat song making everyone want to dance. When they got there Dean was pulled into Castiel's arms and they began swaying back and forth to the beat. "Dude, your mom's hot," Dean said to Cas with a playful grin.

Castiel leaned into Dean slightly, whispering in his ear seductively. "Am I not hot enough for you?" He pulled away, swaying his arms in the air and rolling his hips in time to the beat, dancing teasingly for Dean. He grinned at him knowingly, twirling on the spot before taking Dean's hand and pulling him closer, a gap between them as Castiel took both Dean's hands and danced with him, showing Dean how to move. "Like what you see, baby?" he purred in his ear, before pulling away again and continued to dance.

Dean copied Castiel's moves, swaying hips to the beat and looking at Cas with a hungry expression, licking his lips teasingly. "You're too hot," he replied huskily, grabbing Castiel's tie and pulling him closer so their bodies were only inches apart, and he shuddered slightly with want and looked Castiel up and down as he danced. He put both of his hands on Castiel's waist. Cas had called him baby, and it was possibly one of the sexiest things he'd ever heard.

Castiel continued to roll his hips, moving his arms in time to the beat as he moved them to rest in Dean's hair. "Easy tiger, you don't want anything embarrassing to happen," he said, eyes flickering down to Dean's lower half before looking back up at his face. He removed himself from Dean's grip, teasing him as he danced seductively but stayed a torturous distance away to keep Dean desperately wanting to be closer. He closed his eyes as he let the uplifting beat control his body, hips and shoulders rolling with ease in time to the music as he danced around Dean.

Dean blushed a little when Castiel's eyes darted down to the front of his pants, and he remembered where they were; in a crowd of adults and teenagers, dancing while Castiel's mom was singing. He shivered and his eyes fluttered closed when Castiel's fingers ran through his hair. Castiel's body was moving like nobody's business, and Dean couldn't take his eyes off him. He gave Cas a smoldering, sexy look, and danced closer, placing his hand flat on Castiel's chest and then walking around him in a tight circle. He trailed his fingers over Castiel's body and growled in his ear, "I want you, baby."

Castiel hummed as Dean's voice vibrated through his body, causing him to shiver slightly. He turned to face Dean, drawing nearer to claim his lips when the song ended and Castiel moved away with a teasing smirk. He trailed his fingers over Dean's arm as he moved back up to the stage. Mrs Novak grinned at him, kissing his temple, "Oh Cassie, I have missed this." Castiel smiled, it was good to see his mom was having fun after the mess she'd been through recently. "Why don't you stay up here, sing with Dean?" he suggested. Their voices were both so amazing, it'd be great to hear them together,

Dean groaned in slight frustration as Castiel teased him after the song ended, and then he joined the rest of the crowd in clapping for Mrs. Novak. She was an amazing singer, and Dean knew where Cas got his musical talents from. She had been Maria, after all, so it was no wonder she was so good. When Cas suggested that he sing with her, Dean smiled excitedly. She had a great voice and Dean loved the idea of singing with her, although he was a little intimidated by her sheer talent, and he had no idea what song they were doing.

( watch?v=acvIVA9-FMQ There are so many love duets and ahh it took me forever to find something half decent so, uh, I couldn't find anything but this is an upbeat song and is nice so just go with it D: )

Castiel smiled reassuringly at Dean before heading over to the piano, he took off his jacket, leaving just his shirt and buttoned up waistcoat. He took a guitar and sat on the edge of the stool, giving both Dean and his mom the space in the centre of the stage. Mrs Novak wrapped his arm around Dean's shoulders, guiding him to the microphone and telling him what song they'd sing. She smiled reassuringly, "Don't look so nervous, kitten. You're doing great."

Dean smiled shyly at her and nodded, glancing back at Cas with flushed cheeks. Cas had taken off his jacket and he looked so damn perfect, Dean couldn't take his eyes off him for a moment, but then he looked back at Mrs. Novak. Cas started playing the guitar, and Dean began singing the smooth, upbeat melody, a soft smile on his face as he closed his eyes and let himself float in the music.

Mrs Novak sung along with Dean, smiling over at the two boys happily. She was glad to see them in better shape after what had happened with Jimmy. She swayed slightly in time to the beat and couldn't stop from smiling as she and Dean sang together. Castiel continued to pluck the strings, watching both his mom and Dean and smiling over at them. They sounded amazing together and Castiel was so proud of them both for putting on brave faces and doing this with him.

Mrs. Novak's voice was fantastic, and despite the nerves, Dean had never felt more at home than here; with Castiel playing the guitar and Mrs. Novak's voice blending beautifully with his. Dean had been a little shy around Mrs. Novak and he probably still was, but right now he felt so comfortable in her presence, so warm and loved, that he relaxed completely and just sang, letting out all his emotions with his voice.

When the song ended, Mrs Novak side hugged Dean, kissing his forehead. "You did good, kitten," she whispered reassuringly. Castiel smiled fondly at them both and watched as the crowd applauded, clearly just happy to hear what they had to sing. Castiel put the guitar on the floor and leaned back on the stool, watching his mom and Dean. Mrs Novak smiled and went over to Castiel and kissed his forehead before walking off stage.

Dean opened his eyes when the song ended and they were applauded, and he leaned into Mrs. Novak's side and kissed her cheek before walking across the stage to Cas and pulling him over to his mom, and Dean stood between them, wrapping an arm around each of them and grinned proudly at the cheering crowd. His heart shuddered with a feeling of belonging that he hadn't felt since he was a little kid, and the rare emotion and comfort he had with this family, broken as it was, was rivaled only by Dean's relationship with Sam.

Castiel and Mrs Novak both held Dean tightly, embracing him in a sort of family hug type situation that neither of them had experienced since Castiel was about four. Castiel smiled warmly, he could see in Dean's eyes just how much he adored his mom. Seeing as he didn't have one it must have been hard not to have that mother figure around to balance out his father's alcohol induced violent outbursts. Mrs. Novak kissed both their foreheads, "I'm so proud of you, kitten," she said, turning to kiss Castiel's forehead. "Both of you." She walked off the stage and let Castiel and Dean continue with the set list.

(Yeah, maybe this should be their last song?  watch?v=LfNVfiqKBeM And lol at the kitten thing. I think it's adorable :D.)

Dean smiled shyly as Mrs. Novak left the stage, leaving the two of them up there, and he gave Castiel a quick kiss on the lips, feeling giddy and bold, aware that everyone was watching them, but he didn't care. All that mattered was each other, and Dean wanted everyone to know Cas was his and he was Cas'. He grinned and gently shoved Castiel back over to the stool, following him and pulling up the second stool for their last song.

Castiel blushed a little when Dean kissed him and then came and sat with him. Castiel picked up his guitar again and checked the strings. He looked over at Dean before timidly speaking into the microphone near Dean. "Okay folks, last song of the night," he said quietly. There were a few aw's in protest and Castiel chuckled a little. "I know, I know but we've had fun. So from me and Dean we bid you goodnight." Castiel took the opportunity of being near Dean to kiss his cheek before sitting on his stool properly and starting to play the strings.

Dean smiled adoringly at Cas and didn't even bother trying not to look like a besotted fool, because that's basically what he was. Not taking his eyes off Cas, Dean began singing. The song was bittersweet, and the lyrics a little haunting. _"Love of mine, someday you will die. But I'll be close behind. I'll follow you into the dark. No blinding lights, or tunnels to gates of white. Just our hands clasped so tight. Waiting for the hint of a spark." _

Castiel blushed when Dean sang, staring intently at him. He dipped his head and focused on the instrument, trying not to blush too much as everyone was watching. Castiel played with delicate fingers, working over the strings as Dean sang beautifully, pouring his heart and soul into the words.

Dean smiled a little wider when he saw Castiel blush, and he placed a gentle hand in his hair before looking out at the audience as he sang, fingers softly carding through Castiel's hair as he played the guitar. Not wanting to distract Castiel too much while they were singing on stage, Dean removed his hand after a moment.

Castiel closed his eyes, feeling Dean finger his hair and it felt amazing. He continued to play until the song ended, before looking back up at Dean with a soft smile and leaning over to kiss him briefly before putting the guitar on the floor and waving goodnight to the audience who were clapping and cheering in approval.

Dean sighed, feeling a little emotionally exhausted and stood up with Cas. Dean grinned at the crowd and then turned around and clapped at the band, smiling at all of them gratefully. It was pretty awesome that they had a backup band, and it was something Dean had never done before. Very exciting. After the cheers started to die down, the band began playing soft jazz music again, and Dean and Castiel walked off the stage. Dean's legs were a little shaky and he had to lean on Castiel for support, embarrassingly enough, but it was just from adrenaline and he'd recover soon enough.

Castiel held Dean close, keeping them both from shaking too much and led them both off to the balcony bit they were at before when Mrs Novak sung to Dean. He kept Dean close, slow dancing with him slightly and kissing his forehead. "You were amazing, love," Castiel whispered.

Dean sighed deeply and wrapped his arms around Castiel, resting his cheek against Castiel's. His skin was warm in contrast to the cool night air, and it was nice to be out of the bright lights of the stage and have some fresh air and space to breathe. "You're amazing," Dean replied softly, caressing his lips gently over Castiel's face and humming happily.

Castiel hummed along softly to the jazz tune he could hear in the background. He put his hand into Dean's hair, caressing it gently as he held him tight. Castiel was quiet for a moment. He didn't want to bring it up, they'd had such a nice night but he had to ask while they were alone. "Dean..will you come to Jimmy's funeral with me tomorrow?" he asked hesitantly with a soft voice, biting his lip.

Dean's smile faded and he backed away just enough to meet Castiel's eyes, and he nodded. "Of course," he replied quietly, rubbing a hand up and down Castiel's arm in a soothing, reassuring touch. He'd known this was only temporary bliss; of course they'd have to deal with the reality of Jimmy's death. No matter how scary and unpleasant it was to think about, Dean would try his best to ease Castiel's suffering and support him through the aftermath.

Castiel's lip quivered and he forced himself to smile, relieved that Dean was willing to go through the trauma with him again. "Thank you," he whispered, curling his arms around Dean's neck and pressing his cheek to Dean's. "I love you, Dean," he said softly, before humming again to the music and trying to get the evening back on track.

Dean pressed his lips against Castiel's cheek and smiled softly against the warm skin there. "I know you do," Dean answered, "And I love you too." He wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist and held him loosely, their bodies swaying lazily together as they danced back and forth to the music. "Love you so much," Dean mumbled, inhaling deeply and letting it out in a long sigh, smiling to himself.

Castiel smiled, resting his head on Dean's shoulder. "Will Sammy be okay?" Castiel asked after a moments thought. "I hate leaving him subject to your father." Castiel bit his lip worryingly. As much as he needed Dean, he didn't want to be depriving Sam of his older brother when he needed him most. Especially to fend off his father.

Dean was touched by Castiel's concern, and he chuckled softly. "Cas, have you seen Sammy? He's practically a giant. If push turns to shove, he'll be okay, I know it." He was reassuring himself as much as Cas, and one of hands went up to the back of Castiel's head and rested there lightly. Dean sighed contentedly and closed his eyes. This is where he belonged, with Castiel's warmth seeping into his chest and breath ghosting across his neck.

Castiel chuckled, rubbing Dean's back as he embraced him. "I suppose so, I just want to make sure he's okay. He is family after all" Castiel considered Dean part of who he was, and he and Sam were like his second family. The brothers that treated him right, treated him with respect and kindness, like a real family should.

Dean smiled idiotically into Castiel's shoulder and pressed a kiss to the side of his neck where he could reach. The fact that Cas considered Sam to be family made Dean happier than it should, and he squeezed Cas a little tighter for it. "I think he'll be really happy to hear that," Dean knew Sam would think of Cas the same.

Castiel hummed in acknowledgement, still swaying with Dean slightly. "He's your family, Dean and you're mine. We've got to stick together if we're going to get through the tough times," Castiel whispered against Dean's cheek. "And we will, Dean. I know we will," Castiel said with determination, tightening his grip on Dean slightly.

Dean sighed wistfully. It was strange how family didn't end with blood, but Dean definitely considered Castiel a member of his family. What is family, anyway? Dean didn't know, but he could see it between Castiel and his mother. It was something neither Dean nor Sam had with John, but rather they had it with each other. And now Dean had it with Cas, and Sam did too. It made Dean feel sad and scared that he often didn't consider John as part of his family, especially lately, when they'd been getting more and more distant. "There's always gonna be tough times," Dean muttered sadly, closing his eyes and rubbing his nose against Castiel's jaw.

"It's okay, baby. We'll get through it. We always do," he smiled reassuringly, tilting his head to kiss Dean's cheek. Castiel hummed softly along to the tune, swaying them in time to the music so they could look at least a little less pathetic by clinging to each other like this. He was afraid to let go but kept his thoughts out of the clouds and pressed on the matter of savouring the moment before tomorrow came and devoured him completely.

Dean smiled sadly at Cas and kissed him softly, listening to the sound of Cas humming quietly to the song and they started dancing more. Dean couldn't believe how Cas could be so tender and loving and yet so sexy at the same time, even if all they were doing was slow dancing. The way he was swaying and leading the dance was pretty hot, Dean had to admit, and he huffed a quiet laugh at himself and kissed Castiel again, a little more firmly this time. "This is perfect," Dean murmured, even if it was only temporary.

Castiel smiled, kissing Dean's jaw and continuing to sway his hips and move his feet as they danced in a small circle. Castiel could see Mrs Novak in the background through the gap in the curtain and bit his lip. "We should probably be heading off.. I don't want to keep your dad waiting too long." He held Dean tighter and stopped dancing, just holding him before moving away to take his hand to lead him out to the car.

Dean nodded reluctantly and held Cas for just a little longer before letting go and walking outside to the car. "Screw Dad," he muttered unhappily, staying close to Castiel's side and scowling slightly at the ground. "I'm starting to feel like Cinderella. Gotta be home by midnight or the evil parent will unleash his wrath." He said this halfheartedly, pushing Castiel up against the side of the car for a passionate kiss before he saw Mrs. Novak approaching out of the corner of his eye and he put a little bit of distance between himself and Cas, blushing deeply and looking at her apologetically, as if to say, 'sorry I almost just groped your son in front of you.'

Castiel looked put out when Dean stopped but saw his mom standing their and blushed. He opened the car door and hide in the back in an attempt to salvage some of his dignity but his mom didn't seem to care. She got in the driver's seat and started driving home. Castiel bit his lip nervously, running a hand over Dean's thigh. "Dean, I don't want you to get in trouble if you don't return home. You'll be gone all of tomorrow too. Won't he mind?" Castiel worried.

Dean shivered at Castiel's touched and scooted a little closer on the seat, leaning his thigh towards Castiel's hand encouragingly. He had to clear his throat before he managed to speak, though. "I told him I was going out with my girlfriend," Dean said bitterly, staring unhappily at his hands. "I hate lying to him, but what else can I do? He'd probably beat the crap out of me if he knew." He shrugged a little and continued, "I don't think he cares much anyway. We haven't been speaking much lately."

Castiel bit his lip, looking down at Dean's hands. "I'm sorry, Dean." He felt bad that Dean's dad wasn't more supportive of him and he didn't know what he could do to help. He squeezed Dean's knee supportively, shuffling closer to Dean and leaning his head against Dean's shoulder. "I won't let him touch you, babe," Castiel said firmly. If Dean's dad ever hit Dean he would be right by his side fighting back. He refused to let Dean to get hurt by a bully.

"It's not me I'm worried about," Dean said meaningfully, his voice barely above a whisper, and he turned to Cas and gently stroked a finger down the scar on his face. "I'm so sorry he did this to you, Cas." He frowned at the scar and then kissed it gently, tracing his lips along the length of it and then resting his head against Castiel's. "I don't care what happens to me, as long as he doesn't hurt you." Dean knew he would risk his life for Cas without hesitating, even if it meant standing up to his own father.

"I'm not," Castiel said with certainty. "It brought us closer together, that's the important part. Everything else is irrelevant as long as I've got you by my side." He took Dean's hand and entwined it with his. "He can't hurt me, Dean. Every scar he gives me, brings us closer together and by doing that he grows further and further away from you. He's loosing a son and I'm gaining a life. All I can see is him hurting himself."

Dean smiled and bit his lip, warmth spreading in his chest. He placed a hand gently on Castiel's jaw and guided his face forward for a tender kiss. "I know," he agreed quietly, although he knew his dad was perfectly capable of hurting Cas, both physically and emotionally. But Cas was right. Every time John said something or acted out against Castiel, Dean sided with him less and less and definitely grew farther from his father and closer to Cas. "You're stealing me away from him," Dean said with a soft smile, kissing Castiel's jaw lightly.

Castiel felt guilty for stealing Dean away from what was supposed to be his family but it was better than the alternative. They'd never have met and Dean would still be following his father's orders and 'in his place' rather doing what makes him happy because he wouldn't want to upset his father. It made Castiel a little warm to know Castiel had this much effect on Dean. The got to their house where Dean's car was still outside. Castiel bit his lip, "Are you sure you'll be okay, not going back?" he asked worryingly as he got out of the car.

Once they were both out of the car and Mrs. Novak was up at the door unlocking it and out of earshot, Dean grinned flirtatiously and pushed Castiel up against the side of the car. He leaned in close and put his lips to Castiel's ear, placing his hand on Castiel's hip and threading a finger through the belt loop of his dress pants. "Believe me, spending the night with you definitely tops going back to my house, all alone." Dean was trying to lighten the mood a little, knowing that tomorrow would be heartbreaking for Castiel and they both needed a little happiness and bliss tonight.

Castiel smirked, reaching up to kiss Dean lightly and try not to heat the kiss too much given his mom was only a few feet away. "Well okay. As long as you're sure, baby," Castiel murmured, wrapping his arms around Dean's waist and leaning into him. "You might have to fight Amber for the bed though. She can be pretty possessive," Castiel smirked.

Dean shivered and smiled warmly, leaning into Castiel's comfortable, familiar arms that fit around him perfectly. "She's a cat. I'm pretty sure I can take her," He murmured teasingly in reply, but he was a little uncertain about sleeping in Castiel's bed. The times Dean had done it before, he was only doing it to comfort Cas, and the times when they were doing different... activities, she hadn't known Dean was there. Now... he wasn't sure Mrs. Novak would agree with that.

Castiel giggled softly, batting Dean's arm playfully. "She can be pretty aggressive when she needs to be." Castiel smirked. He took Dean's hand and led them up and into the house. Mrs Novak hugged them both and bid them goodnight. Castiel smiled and led Dean up to his room before his mom could say anything, not that she seemed to mind too much anyway. Castiel ran to his bed and picked up Amber, holding her to his chest and nuzzling at her fur. He loved Amber and recently it felt like she was the only one giving affection seeing as Castiel had been feeling so blue. He wanted to repay the gesture.

Dean slipped out of his dress coat and loosened his tie, relieved to be in the privacy of Castiel's room, away from everyone. He flopped onto the bed with a tired sigh, legs dangling off the side, and eyed Castiel and Amber. "Hey, I could use some of that too, you know," Dean grumbled teasingly, grinning at Cas with a slight pout. "Amber needs to share." Dean realized he was being ridiculous, but that was the point. He wanted to cheer Cas up and keep him happy tonight, do whatever Cas wanted so he could stock up on happiness and love for tomorrow when he would need it the most.

Castiel laughed softly, watching as Amber rubbed her nose against his jaw and he mimicked the action to Dean's in response. He purred lowly too, being silly and happy in an attempt to salvage his fragile state before it completely shattered tomorrow and he had to say goodbye to his brother for the last time. He pressed his leg against Dean's as they sat side by side and put Amber on one of their legs each in the middle. She stretched out and reached up to sniff Dean, pressing her nose to his cheek. "I don't think that's the kinda sharing you had in mind," Castiel chuckled.

Dean booped Amber's nose with his and kissed her soft head. "Not exactly," he agreed, "Cats, you know. They think everything's about them. No offense," he added that last part with an apologetic look at Amber, and then giggled, leaning over to kiss Castiel slowly and passionately.

Castiel giggled, leaning into Dean's kiss, reaching up to cup his cheek. Amber licking the back of his hand in the process which made him laugh against Dean's lips. "I'm sorry," he said half-heartedly as he pushed Amber away gently. She seemed pissed but resorted to curling up at the foot of the bed. Castiel took off his jacket and placed it over his chair with Dean's. He undid his tie and waistcoat and removed them until he was left just in his shirt and dress pants. His shoulders relaxed and he felt calmer and less nervous out of his fancy clothes.

Dean removed his waistcoat and tie as well and unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt, and he kicked off his shoes, socks and removed his belt, sighing in relief at the freedom from the slightly uncomfortable suit. Castiel looked exhausted, and Dean scooted closer and slowly began unbuttoning his shirt, pushing it back off his shoulders tentatively, kissing each inch of skin that was revealed as he eased the shirt away. He glided his lips over the scars on Castiel's arm, over his heart, gently kissing each of his nipples, down his breastbone, and then up to his collarbones.

Castiel gasped, carding his fingers through Dean's hair delicately as the other kissed over his marked skin. Castiel bit his lip, still not used to the thought of Dean being so comfortable with his imperfections and weaknesses. Each scar representing a dark part of his life, the newest addition of which would haunt Castiel forever. His brother's weak and pale face etched into his memory and dreams. Castiel closed his eyes and leaned back on the bed once his shirt had been removed completely, keeping Dean close and kissing the other tenderly where he could reach.

The dim bedside lamp made Castiel's normally fair skin look like a darker caramel brown, and highlighted every contour of his beautiful body. He looked gorgeous, laid back against the mattress, and Dean hovered above him for a moment, just looking. He sighed and murmured, "Fuck, you're so beautiful," before leaning down to capture Castiel's lips in a soft but passionate kiss. He trailed his fingers down Castiel's torso until he reached the waistband of Castiel's pants, and he pulled at them slightly. "I wanna make you feel good," Dean said quietly, wanting to make Cas temporarily forget his pain. "I'll do whatever you want." he offered.

Castiel blushed, turning his head to the side to try and hide his smile. He ran his hands down Dean's arms to meet the other's hands on his hips. He looked up at Dean with big, trusting eyes and nodded timidly. They hadn't done anything since before Jimmy's death and Castiel felt overwhelmed with shyness and nerves. He was worried he wouldn't make Dean happy. That he hadn't practised enough or had enough experience to please him. He tilted his head up to kiss Dean's cheek, keeping a loose grip on Dean's hands.

Dean nodded and shivered a little when Castiel's hands slid over his arms, the touch welcome and perfect and Dean wanted to give it to Cas in return. Cas was adorable when he blushed and tried to hide his smile, and Dean couldn't resist kissing him lightly on the nose, and he began unbuttoning his own shirt, feeling too constricted in the tight fabric. Once his shirt was gone, Dean kissed Castiel passionately and stroked his hand over Castiel's chest, fingering his nipples lightly and then skimming his fingers down over Castiel's stomach and finally down to his hipbones, all the while kissing Castiel.

Castiel hummed softly, arching his back into Dean's touch and resting his hands in Dean's hair. He kissed Dean deeply, soft and loving with enough heat to make the kiss tender yet passionate. Castiel fumbled with Dean's pants and then his own until they were both just in their boxers and a tangle of limbs. He pulled the covers over them, feeling a slight chill against his bare skin. He rested his hands on Dean's hip as he looked up at him through thick lashes. "You like that, baby?" he cooed, claiming Dean's lips roughly with a smirk.

Damn, how was it possible for Cas to be so gorgeous and sexy? Dean nodded weakly and huffed an amused laugh, slotting his hips against Castiel's so they were aligned perfectly, and he rolled his hips slowly and teasingly against Castiel, looking down at him with an open-mouthed expression of lust, eyes dark and needy as he ground down against his boyfriend, bracing himself on either side of Castiel with hands flat on the mattress. He tilted his head and leaned down to kiss him again, hot and dirty and desperate.

Castiel let out a low moan, eyes fluttering as he pressed his head back into he pillow, exposing his neck. He rolled his hips to meet Dean's and let out a small whimper as he felt himself becoming overwhelmed and consumed by his need for Dean. His hands resting on Dean's waist as he pulled him closer, kissing him roughly and desperately.

Dean gasped against Castiel's neck and then moved his lips up to his lips to swallow the moans Cas was making, sliding his hands everywhere and paying close attention to those spots that made Cas lose his mind, especially on his hair. Dean tugged at Castiel's hair lightly, running his fingers through it. He wanted to make Cas moan again, the sound of it turning him on like nothing else.

(Oh shit I just realized something... Jimmy pulled out his own hair because of a mental illness but Castiel likes getting his hair pulled... I don't know if that was intentional or not but if it was you are a fucking genius!)

(I had a plan for that..not just yet)

Castiel panted, kissing Dean open mouthed as he reached out to caress his cheek, hair, hips, anywhere he could reach. He found himself lost under Dean's touch, moaning and whimpering softly into his boyfriend's mouth as he made him come undone at such gentle touches.

Dean's hand wandered down to Castiel's boxers and he slowly eased them down over Castiel's hips and thighs, and then did the same with his own, kicking them away towards the bottom of the bed, before lowering himself down onto Cas again and biting at Castiel's shoulder to avoid moaning too loudly at the perfect contact between them, hips thrusting slowly and deliberately.

Castiel bit his lip to stop from moaning too loudly at Dean's agonizingly slow rhythm. The pleasurable pain of Dean sinking his teeth into his skin was enough to make him cry out. "Dean," he growled quietly. "Baby, don't stop." He rolled his hips to match Dean's pace, moaning softly against Dean's mouth as he tried to keep quiet.

Dean grinned wickedly and kept up the torturously slow pace, making Cas beg for it even though they both were desperate to move faster, but Dean wanted to drag this out, make the good feelings last as long as possible before they reached the edge. He reached down with one hand and wrapped his fingers around both of their lengths, sliding his hand up and down both of them together and pressing his face into Castiel's neck and sucking at his skin, moaning and gasping at the amazing sensation.

Castiel groaned, tilting his head to the side and trying to bury his head into the pillow to muffle his moans. He continued to thrust his hips into Dean's hand. His voice trembling as he felt himself building up with all the tension and pain from the last week and preparing to release it all into a state of bliss. Forgetting about the loss of his brother, the pain he'd caused and revelling in the moment. He tilted Dean's head so he could kiss him properly and moan into his mouth as he found himself nearing the edge, bucking his hips against Dean's, desperate for that release.

They were both close to reaching their climax, and Dean bit back a loud moan when he felt Castiel's breath hot on his face, sweat making their bodies deliciously slick against each other, and everything was hot. Only another moment, and then Dean lost it, riding out his orgasm in blissful, bright waves, his vision spotting slightly as he came down from the high. He was breathing hard and his body felt warm and loose.

Castiel watched as Dean came undone and that was enough to send Castiel over the edge, watching his boyfriend in a state of bliss. He was so beautiful above him, thin sheet of sweat glistening across his forehead, his eyes screwed shut and his mouth hung open as he moaned against Castiel's skin. Castiel kiss Dean hard as he rode out his orgasm, falling back against the pillows and pulling Dean close as they struggled for breath.

Dean was breathing hard, and he reached a shaky hand up to stroke Castiel's sweaty hair back from his forehead, collapsing on top of him briefly, feeling warm and exhausted and happy. He rested his cheek on Castiel's collarbone and kissed his throat, a lazy smile spreading across his features. Castiel always looked so beautiful and perfect when he reached orgasm; Dean would never cease to be amazed by that expression of pure ecstasy. He pressed another kiss to Castiel's jaw and reached for the box of tissues beside the bed to clean them up.

Castiel kissed Dean's temple, pulling him to lie by his side and pull the covers over them both. He wrapped his arms around Dean's waist, holding him tightly as his vision returned and the haze cleared a little. A loopy grin spread across his face and Castiel knew this was as happy as he'd feel before the anxiety and crippling grief consumed him again. He kissed Dean again and nuzzled at his neck.

Dean sighed happily and traced Castiel's smiling lips with his thumb and then stroked a hand through his hair gently. He slowly caught his breath and eventually his heart stopped racing, and they held each other in the warm heat of each other's arms and the blankets covering them. Their bodies were entwined and tangled and Dean never wanted to move from this position. He hummed happily as Castiel nuzzled his neck. "I wish every night could be like this," Dean murmured dreamily.

Castiel hummed in agreement, kissing Dean's neck. "It will be," he assured softly. "When we're in our twenties, away from home and living the lives _we_ want to live. I can guarantee we will wake up every morning together, make pancakes or bacon and bask in each other's warmth..then we'll fall asleep in each other's arms at night and no one can tell us otherwise. We'll be free."

Dean closed his eyes and sighed wistfully as he imagined leaving this place with Cas and spending the rest of their lives together, living in an apartment somewhere and not having to hide their relationship or worry about people hurting them. "That sounds perfect," He whispered emotionally, bringing his hand with the ring up between them and studying it meaningfully. "I want to get you something," he told Cas, "Something like this."

Castiel smiled softly, bringing Dean's ring hand to cover over his guitar pick and heart. "You already have, love," Castiel whispered. "You've given me the world and I cannot begin to repay you for it," Castiel said, voice thick with emotion. "I don't need anything, Dean. I have you."

Dean bit his lip and smiled softly at their hands, and it was such a meaningful image that Dean's throat felt tight with mixed emotions. "I know," he murmured, "And you've given me everything. You already know this, Cas. You changed me into a better person and you fill up all the spaces..." He wasn't really sure what he was saying, and he frowned slightly in frustration. "I don't know. You just... you complete me... like my heart was missing pieces and you put it back together again. I know it sounds cheesy but... yeah." He said lamely, kissing Castiel's forehead. "It's a symbol," he added, referring to the ring. "I want you to have something, too. Besides the pick, I mean."

Castiel felt himself welling up an forced himself not to cry, he bit his lip and took a few deep breaths. He took he hand Dean presented him with and kissed the knuckles tentatively, pressing a firm kiss to the ring. "Whatever it is, I'll wear it with pride," Castiel smiled. "You brought me back to life and I'm so proud to be able to call you my boyfriend."

Dean smiled warmly and stroked the pads of his fingers over Castiel's cheek lovingly. Dean had never loved anybody as much as this, and it only got stronger with time. The feeling occasionally startled him with its intensity, and he couldn't believe he'd survived without this before. He smiled dreamily and wrapped his arm around Cas. "Hey," he said hesitantly, blushing deeply and hiding his face in the pillow. "Wanna get married someday?"

Castiel's heart skipped a beat, his breath hitched as he leaned over to look at Dean properly, tilting the other's head so he could look into his eyes. "Yes," he whispered. "I will follow you until my dying days, Dean,"Castiel said seriously. "I don't care how or when..all that matters is I _will_ follow you, love you, and take care of you for as long as you'll have me." He pressed a light kiss to Dean's lips. "I love you, Dean Winchester, and no one can take that away from us."

Dean's vision blurred slightly with tears, and he could barely breathe. "Castiel Novak, I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He said in a voice trembling with honest emotion, and he knew that he would. Nothing would change the way they felt about each other, because what they had was something much deeper and more profound than most high school students had. "I want to grow old with you and I'll love you until the day I die." This wasn't an impulsive fling, it was real and important and the most precious thing Dean had ever had.

(If Castiel sounds English I'm going to go with the fact his mother is and he'ss picked stuff up as she raised him. :D)

Castiel choked on a laugh. He was trying to laugh because the notion of Dean returning his desires and dreams seemed surreal. The thought of Dean actually wanting to spend the rest of his life, with _him. _Castiel didn't get it. He was broken both physically and mentally. His family was a disaster, two of his brothers had tried to kill him. One was in prison for almost succeeding. His father was a homophobic maniac who after having six children still didn't understand the basic principles of raising a child. Castiel had been beaten and put down all of his life, he was almost beyond repair, and the fact that Dean was willing to see past all of it to be with him was beyond words. Out of everything Castiel could have said in response, _I love you..I want to grow old with you, too,_ his conclusion was thus, "I want you to meet Michael." Castiel knew he was serious about Dean if he was willing to show him to Michael. Michael was like his father, his protector. If it hadn't been for him, Castiel would be dead. Michael had been there for him, and for Jimmy. He was the only one who cared for them and treated them with respect. He wanted to show Michael his future, his love, his Dean.

Dean stilled. He'd heard about Michael, but he'd never met him and didn't know anything about him. It must be important if Cas wanted him to meet his older brother, and Dean knew that he was nothing like Lucifer and Gabriel. "I'd like to meet him," he said shyly, nuzzling Castiel's cheek. If the way Cas talked about him was anything to go by, Michael was important, and that made Dean a little nervous. "What if he doesn't like me?" He mumbled nervously, clinging to Cas a little tighter. He was desperate for approval from Castiel's brother.

Castiel kissed Dean's nose gently. "Michael is non-judgemental, Dean. He will only see you for what you are, and you're a good person. I've told him about you before and he seems to like you." Castiel was nervous too. Michael was like his father, the man he went to for approval and advice. Castiel loved Dean with all of his heart and if Michael disapproved it would just break him.

Dean sighed in relief. Meeting Michael seemed like a much bigger deal than meeting Jimmy, although they were both important. It was good that he'd already made a good impression on Michael, even if Castiel's descriptions of Dean might be a bit biased. Dean smiled softly and closed his eyes. "Okay," he murmured. "What's he like? Just so I know what to expect and don't do anything wrong tomorrow,"

Castiel closed his eyes, snuggling up next to Dean. "He's tall, blue eyes and brown hair. Spitting image of my grandfather, my mom's dad. He's soft spoken but can be loud if you push his buttons. He's just really nice, Dean. I wouldn't worry about it too much. He's going to like you, I just know it." Castiel kissed Dean softly, falling asleep shortly after.

Dean fell asleep with a small smile on his face, sharing Castiel's warmth as they lay in a tangle of limbs, skin touching as much as possible and wrapped up in each other. To Dean, this would always be the most comfortable place, in Castiel's warm arms. He had absolutely no trouble falling asleep that night, even though he knew tomorrow would bring tears and pain for Castiel and his family.


	22. Chapter 22

Castiel awoke a few times during the night but each time he saw Dean's peaceful face and calmed down, continuing to pretend to be asleep so he wouldn't wake Dean. When morning finally arrived, Castiel was afraid to wake up. He wasn't ready for this. He'd never be ready for this. He clung to Dean desperately, hoping they could just sleep through the day and ignore it. He knew this wouldn't be the case but he felt a bit better clinging to the dream.

Dean woke up in the morning to the feeling of Castiel tensing beside him and clutching at him tightly, burying his face in Dean's neck, and he bit his lip sadly and trailed his fingers up and down Castiel's spine to try to calm him down a little. "Hey," he whispered, "I've got you." He pressed a soft kiss to Castiel's forehead and ran his fingers through Castiel's tangled, messy hair. "We need to get up." He murmured reluctantly.

Castiel moaned softly in protest, nuzzling closer to Dean in response. He didn't want to get up. Didn't want to face his family. It was going to be hard enough to say goodbye to Jimmy without the baggage and stress that was the rest of his family. Not even Dean would be able to put up with it for long. He kept his hold on Dean, arms around the other's waist and refusing to let go.

Dean sighed and kissed Castiel's forehead again, working to pry his arms loose from around his waist while glancing at the clock. It was still pretty early, but they both needed to take showers and get dressed to go to the funeral, and Dean didn't want them to have to rush. It would only be more stressful for Cas if they were in a hurry. "Come on," Dean insisted gently, "Let's go shower." He sat up and pulled Castiel up with him and handed him his underwear.

Castiel sighed and got up, taking the pair of boxers and slipping them on before heading off into the bathroom. He looked in the mirror, pawing at his features and sticking out his tongue. He looked awful, slight bags under his eyes from stress and lack of sleep. His eyes bloodshot and burning bright blue in contrast. Castiel sighed, running a hand through his hair and detailing every part of him that looked like Jimmy. His brother had made a list of similarities; their nose, the slight curve of their mouth, everything reminded him of Jimmy and that's when the silent tears began.

Dean put on his own boxers and started searching for the rest of his clothes as Cas walked into the bathroom. He cursed slightly when he saw how wrinkled his shirt had gotten, but luckily his pants weren't as bad and he could wear them again. The shirt was a disaster, though. After a moment of trying to shake the wrinkles out, he wandered down the hall into the bathroom and found Cas leaning on the counter and staring at himself in the mirror, with a look of complete pain and sorrow in his eyes that made Dean's heart hurt. Tears streamed down his face, and Dean swallowed thickly and walked over behind Cas, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. "Cas," Dean murmured sadly, not knowing what to say.

"It's not Cas," he said so low it was barely a hum. "It's Jimmy," Castiel answered, raking his fingers down his tear stained cheeks. Fingers brushing over his jaw and across his chin as he observed the similarities Jimmy had listed him clear as day. "It's all Jimmy," he repeated breathlessly as his tears continued to smear his cheeks.

Dean's heart skipped a beat in alarm and he quickly spun Cas around so he was no longer facing the mirror and was looking at Dean instead. Dean grabbed both of Castiel's hands and pulled them away from Castiel's face before he could do any damage with his fingernails, and held them tightly. Cas and Jimmy were identical twins, after all, and it must be incredibly painful for Cas to look at himself and see his dead brother. Dean wouldn't be able to stand it. "Cas." Dean said firmly.

Castiel looked at Dean's hands, wrapped tightly around his wrists. It took him longer than usual to look Dean in the eye. He was too scared to see the disappointment or shame in Dean's eyes. When he finally got the courage to look Dean in the eye he was greeted by genuine concern and love and Castiel stopped crying instantly, knowing what he was working himself up about was silly and Dean would be there to help him through it. No matter what. "Cas," he repeated quietly, dipping his head so Dean couldn't see his shame.

Dean sighed in relief when Castiel appeared to come back to his senses and calm down a little, and he wrapped his arms around Castiel's shoulders and drew him close for a hug. "Come on, Cas, pull yourself together. You have to be strong today. For your mom." Dean ran his hands up and down Castiel's arms soothingly and then took his hands again, backing away enough to meet his eyes. "All right?" He asked, eyes boring deep into Castiel's.

Castiel nodded feebly, Dean was right. He needed to be strong for his mom, he couldn't imagine what it was like to loose a child. Much worse than loosing a brother he could imagine. Castiel still felt lost though. Like someone cut the thick red string that bound both his and Jimmy's minds. Both could feel each other's pain and laughter. They had only each other to understand how they really felt and now that was gone. Castiel was alone, despite how much he had Dean. It wouldn't be the same, and never would.

"Good. Come on, let's get cleaned up." He wanted nothing more than to just hold Cas and comfort him, or maybe sing him back to sleep, but he knew they couldn't do that. They had to go to the funeral, no matter how much Cas didn't want to; it was important. He closed the bathroom door and started the shower. He stripped out of his boxers and stepped into the shower, and then looked at Cas questioningly. "Wanna join me?" He asked. He figured if anything, he could at least make Castiel's morning a little better with physical pleasure if Cas wanted.

Castiel nodded again, feeling like a small child being treated so gently. like he was made of glass. He stepped out of his boxers and into the shower with Dean. He reached out his hand to Dean's chest, spreading the water over the skin before lathering it with soap. Castiel concentrated so hard on the tiny bubbles which formed that he forgot how long he'd been standing their caressing Dean's chest. He shook his head and looked up at Dean apologetically.

Dean smiled softly as Castiel's hand rubbed soap into his chest, and continued doing so for a while. He moved Castiel a little so he was standing under the stream of water, and then Dean reached for the shampoo bottle. Castiel's black hair looked darker and longer when it was slicked down in the water, plastered to his forehead and nape of his neck. Dean put some shampoo in his hand and then rubbed his fingers over Castiel's scalp, lathering his hair with bubbles.

Castiel leaned into Dean's touch slightly, closing his eyes to stop the shampoo from stinging his eyes. He rested his forehead against Dean's as he worked on lathering the other's shoulders with soap. Their chests pressed together and the guitar pick grooving his skin slightly at the pressure.

Dean sighed as Castiel's hands massaged his shoulders, and then Dean's fingers went to Castiel's neck. He ran his soap-slicked hands over every inch of Castiel's shoulders and neck, feeling knots in the muscles that he lingered over and massaged out. Castiel was carrying so much tension and Dean was doing the only thing he knew how to get rid of it.

Castiel's mouth hung open a little, lips parted and small, soft moans of pleasure escaped his throat as Dean's hands massaged his skin. His eyes still shut, he continued to wash Dean's skin. His hands roaming his torso as he washed away the suds slow and gently. Castiel's forehead still pressed against Dean's as the water sprayed over them both.

Dean hummed quietly in pleasure as Castiel's hands roamed over his body, and Dean continued to rub out the knots in Castiel's muscles and wash the soap over his body, loving the feel of Castiel under his hands. He angled Castiel's head back a little so the soap would rinse out of his hair, and he smoothed his fingers through it to get all of the shampoo out, exposing Castiel's neck. Dean watched as water droplets streamed down his skin, and he followed one with his tongue, licking a stripe down to Castiel's collarbone, where water droplets had collected in the small hollow there.

Castiel shivered under Dean's touch. His tongue distracting of what was supposed to be a time of sorrow and angst. He tilted his head back farther back to give Dean more access. His head pressing against the cool tiles under the shower-head as Dean worked on his collarbone. Castiel bit his lip and concentrated on the warmth the sensation was giving him instead of the crippling grief that was overcoming his body.

Dean gripped Castiel's hips with both slippery hands and continued to mouth Castiel's collarbone, neck, and chest, dragging his teeth across the skin before he looked up at Castiel's face. He was so beautiful like this, exposed and trusting and shivering because of Dean's actions. His thumbs fitted into the indents in Castiel's hips, Castiel's body fitting Dean's perfectly.

Castiel gasped, moaning softly as Dean worked over his skin with his mouth. His head going back as far as possible to let Dean explore. His hands wondering over Dean's thighs, fingers digging into the skin slightly. He bit his lip, closing his eyes and focussing on Dean's mouth.

Dean's hands slipped around to Castiel's ass and he dug his fingers in a little bit, while pressing against Cas from the front. He moaned at the pressure when their bodies aligned perfectly and he moved a little bit, the soap making their skin deliciously slippery and smooth. He bit down on Castiel's collarbone, careful to make the mark in a place that would be hidden by his clothing so nobody else would see, even though it was tempting to mark Castiel right on the neck for everyone to see, but he couldn't do that.

Castiel whimpered under Dean's touch, completely under his control. His fingers dug deeper against Dean's thigh, marking the skin. His breath was hot and heavy, struggling to keep himself composed. He felt guilty, today was supposed to be about Jimmy. Devoting a day to his memory and emoting true emotions that would be locked away again once expressed on this day. He found himself pressed between the cool tiles and the warmth of Dean's body pressing against him. He let out breath moans as he rolled his hips slowly against Dean's.

Dean reached down with one hand and began to slowly stroke Castiel, wanting to do anything he could to make him feel good. Today was going to be bad enough for Cas, and Dean wanted to bring something good into it if possible. He groaned quietly and braced on hand on the tiles while his other hand stroked Castiel, both of their bodies slippery with soap and bubbles and hot water. Cas was moaning rhythmically along with Dean's movements, and Dean panted against his neck.

Castiel arched his back, pressing himself as close to Dean as possible and wrapping his arms around his neck. His hands tangled in the other's hair, kissing him passionately as he stifled his moans. It wasn't the same hot, passion that they'd shared the night before. This was different. It was somehow sad, like they both knew this was as good as it would get for a while.

Soon they were grinding against each other frantically, kissing and touching everywhere they could reach, and Dean tried to make it last as long as possible before they both hit the edge and came undone. He was being pretty gentle with Cas right now, tender and passionate and loving, but still a little desperate and needy. Cas needed this, needed something to hold him over for the rest of the day, because it was only downhill from here.

Castiel soon came, squeezing his eyes shut and kissing Dean deeply and desperately, clinging to his shoulders as he rode out his orgasm. His shoulders slumped and he breathed heavily against Dean's neck as he struggled for breath, using Dean to keep him standing upright. He pressed lazy kisses to his boyfriend's neck, still in a state of overwhelming bliss.

When the stars faded from Dean's eyes after his orgasm, he panted for breath and held Castiel close, tipping his head forward to rest on Castiel's shoulder. Castiel's body was no longer tense and rigid, and he felt loose and relaxed now, his skin warm against Dean. Dean smiled breathlessly and kissed Castiel's lips. The water was still beating down on them, and Dean realized they'd been in there for a while. He stood back a little and allowed the water to rinse their bodies.

Once clean, Castiel stepped out of the shower, beginning to towel dry himself. His eyes flickering over to Dean and noticing the way the early morning light hit him, softening his skin in a warm glow. Castiel slid on his boxers and began buttoning up his shirt, crinkled and worn but he didn't care. Jimmy was dead. He doubted he would mind too much. Although he'd probably still find a way to count the creases. He did the buttons up as he watched himself in the mirror. His mind wondering to Jimmy once again.

Dean got dressed as Castiel did, and he decided his shirt wouldn't matter too much since he was going to be wearing his suit jacket anyway. He buttoned it up and smoothed it down as best as he could, and then watched Cas in the mirror. Cas was looking at himself in a way that scared Dean. He really didn't like the look in his eyes, and Dean knew that Cas was seeing Jimmy in himself again. How could he not? They had the same face, and it must be impossible for Cas to look at himself and not see Jimmy.

Castiel finished buttoning up his shirt and his hand instinctively went into his hair, tugging at it slightly as he ran his hand through it. He shook his head, fighting with his urges and picked up his waistcoat doing the buttons up slowly to busy his hands. He kept his eye contact with Dean to a minimum, not allowing Dean to see how empty and dead his eyes looked. He could still remember the last time Dean had seen him like this and it broke his heart.

Dean bit his lip as he watched Cas, but he didn't say anything. He was clearly having troubling thoughts and Dean didn't want to distress him any more than he already was, so he gave him his space and did up his own waistcoat, watching Castiel subtly out of the corner of his eye. Castiel was really fragile right now and Dean knew he had a tendency to hurt himself, so he was going to have to keep a close eye on him today and make sure he was all right. He supposed it would be better when they met up with Michael, but he doubted it would go as well with the rest of Castiel's family, who still didn't know Dean was dating Cas.

Castiel put on his dress pants, socks, and shoes, taking his time with each one and avoiding Dean as much as possible. He wasn't sure why, he just wanted him to know he could at least dress himself without having a breakdown. He didn't want to be completely co-dependant on Dean. He put on his jacket before looking at Dean. Not in the eye, but just level with his lips. He took a step forward and hugged Dean stiffly, slowly easing into his arms and curling up on himself and Dean.

Dean sighed and hugged Castiel against him. Castiel felt so small suddenly, like he was missing a part of himself, which he clearly was. His movements were stiff and awkward, and Dean wanted to cry for him, but he blinked back the tears and forced himself to stay steady and strong for Cas. It wouldn't help at all if he broke down and cried, but Castiel's obvious pain was rubbing off on Dean and seeping into his soul, and Dean ached with it. He wanted Cas to feel better, but he didn't know what to do. "You're okay, Cas." Dean murmured reassuringly. "I've got you."

Castiel took a moment to compose himself, curled up against Dean. He soon backed away, shoulders back, head held high, face blank. He nodded at Dean, giving a small smile -or what he hoped was a smile- and walking out of the bathroom and into his room. He rummaged under his bed, searching for something and soon came out with a small box. He checked the tag and smiled sadly to himself, putting it in his jacket pocket. He went back out to get Dean and took his hand, leading him downstairs and into the car. His mom came out soon after, both sharing looks but neither wanting to break the silence.

Cas was being eerily quiet, but Dean supposed that was to be expected. He'd barely spoken a word all morning, even when they went downstairs and met Mrs. Novak at the car. It was a little uncomfortable, the silence, but Dean didn't know what to say, or even if he should say anything. Jimmy's death was something both Mrs. Novak and Castiel could share and relate to, but Dean was just an onlooker and he didn't really have the right to speak. He was there for support, and would do whatever was needed, but he didn't want to interfere with Castiel's family today.

Castiel sat in the back with Dean, holding his hand and staring vacantly out the window. Mrs Novak drove them to church where they went every Sunday. It felt weird to be doing so for different occasion. Once there, Castiel took a deep breath, looking over at Dean briefly before getting out the car and heading straight towards a familiar figure who stood outside the church, cigarette in hand. Castiel hugged his elder brother tightly, both the brothers sharing an understanding of just how important Jimmy was to Castiel. He hadn't seen Michael in over a year and it pained him to have Jimmy's death as a reason to see him again. Michael looked over at Dean with a half smile, one arm still around Castiel, the other extended to Dean to shake his hand. "You must be Dean. I'm Michael, Castiel's older brother." His voice was soft and gentle. Not wanting to startle his fragile looking brother.

Dean forced a tight, polite smile and shook Michael's hand nervously. "Yeah, that's me," he said awkwardly. "It's nice to meet you, uh... I mean, I wish it was under different circumstances..." Dean bit his lip and looked at Castiel's face buried in Michael's chest. This was going well, Dean thought dryly. "I'm very sorry for your loss," he said softly. That was what people were supposed to say at funerals. Dean had heard it countless times at his mother's funeral, and he never thought he'd be the one speaking the words.

Michael smiled, unlike Castiel he'd lost a good friend a couple months back. He had a bit of a better hand when dealing with death. He had better control and acceptance over these things, though it didn't mean it hurt any less. "Dude, it's okay," he said, knowing how awkward Dean must have felt. "You don't have to look so nervous," he said, trying to lighten the mood. "It's not a job interview." Michael ran a hand through Castiel's hair, looking down at him. "You okay, little man?" he crooned. Castiel nodded weakly, taking an envelope from his jacket and handing it to Michael. Michael took it wordlessly, a little confused but opened it anyway, revealing a letter written by Jimmy, instructed to be read after his death. Michael read it quickly, shoving it into his jacket pocket before lighting another cigarette eagerly, clearly stressed.

Dean blushed a little and sighed in relief that Michael seemed accepting and okay with him, and he kind of felt stupid. He gave Michael a shy, embarrassed smile and put his hands in his pockets, then swallowed as he watched the interaction between Cas and his brother. Michael was quite a bit older than them, clearly a mature adult who had a life of his own, and Castiel obviously trusted him and looked up to him, and for that Dean instantly liked him. He glanced away when Castiel handed his older brother the envelope, knowing it was something personal and something he wasn't supposed to see.

Castiel reached out for Dean's hand, slipping his into Dean's easily and pulling him a little closer. Michael watched the small gesture as he inhaled on the toxins and breath out heavily, smoke circling around them. Castiel took his cigarette, inhaling on it greedily and blowing smoke circles into the air, watching as they dissolved. "So you're my little brothers babysitter, huh?" Michael teased with a small smile, a grateful one, because underneath the teasing, Michael was glad there was someone out there willing to care for Castiel in a way he no longer could.

"Jeez, Cas." Dean muttered with a frown as he watched Castiel take a long drag on the cigarette, but he couldn't help but be impressed by the smoke rings. Still, toxic fumes poisoning his boyfriend's lungs was definitely not a good thing. Cas was already on the verge of having a drinking problem; he didn't need to get addicted to smoking too. He looked at Michael with mild, knowing exasperation and rolled his eyes slightly. "Yeah, I guess you could say that," he said, taking the cigarette from Cas and holding it uncertainly out to Michael.

Castiel raised an eyebrow in curiosity, he was part French. Smoking was their thing. Though he didn't protest when Dean took the cigarette. He didn't smoke often, it just helped calm his nerves from time to time. He only usually smoked when Michael was around, seeing as he was the only one that actually smoked. Michael smirked, not having realizing Castiel had stolen his smokes and took the cigarette back from Dean, taking a drag. Castiel watched as people gathered, most of them from church group coming to support their community. A part from that it was just their family. Jimmy didn't really have friends and those he made acquaintance with were in the asylum. They wouldn't be allowed out anyway. The small box felt heavy in his pocket and Castiel could feel his head getting lighter with each passing second. He wasn't ready to say goodbye, never would be.

Dean moved a little closer to Cas, noticing the fragile expression on his face, and Dean was afraid Cas was going to just break down any second. He placed his hand on the small of Castiel's back, watching the crowd of dark-clad mourners gathering. People were standing around and talking in low, solemn voices. A few women were giving Mrs. Novak their condolences, and Dean searched the crowd for Castiel's other brothers and his father. Cas still hadn't spoken a word, and Dean didn't expect him to, but he was really worried.

Castiel watched Michael smoke, the smooth fluid motions of his movement. The confident way he held himself, he looked upset of course but he also looked stronger for it. Castiel envied him. How he could manage to keep himself together like that was astounding and Castiel also hated him a bit for it. It made Castiel seem weaker and pathetic. Speaking of which, a flicker of movement caught his eye and he turned around to see his father moving towards him. He hadn't spoken to him since he left and he wondered what his father might possibly have left to say to him that hadn't already been said. "How could you dishonour our family like this, Castiel?!" his father hissed in a low voice, staring daggers at him. "We are burying your brother today and you insult his memory by bringing this..abomination?!" He gestured to Dean without even looking at him and Castiel swore he could see red clouding his vision, straight off the cuff he bit back in a low growl, towering over his father. "You dare to insinuate that _I _dishonoured Jimmy?! I have done nothing but care for him since the day he was born. I loved him more than you could ever claim to, and I refuse to listen to you bad mouth the man I love just because you're a homophobic sack of shit!" That's when Castiel felt it. His father's hand slam against the side of his cheek in a fit of rage.

If Cas hadn't been present, Dean would've laughed in Mr. Novak's face. Nothing this man did would keep them apart, and he was blind if he couldn't see that. However, Dean wasn't expecting him to punch Cas in the face. Castiel staggered back and Dean caught him before he could lose his balance and then placed himself in front of him in a defensive position, pushing Cas further behind him. He glared at Mr. Novak in disbelief. What kind of father would hit his son at a fucking funeral? Dean tried to control the rage building in his mind, clouding his vision, and had to physically restrain himself from attacking Mr. Novak. He didn't dare take his eyes off him, not even to check on Castiel, but he had his arm in a death grip behind his back. "This 'abomination' is your son's boyfriend, asshole." Dean growled boldly, even though his heart was pounding in fear.

Castiel had expected the punch, his father had missed out punching him at dinner because his mom had stepped in. It was only a matter of time before he got him. It took him a few moments before he realized Dean had thrown himself in front of him, standing between him and his father. His heart fluttered a little as Dean stood up to his father, defending everything that they were. Mr Novak looked livid. "Excuse me?!" he said with disbelief. "You dare talk to me like that, boy? Kiss your mother with that mouth?" Castiel winced a little, looking up at Dean and carefully moving him out the way. "I want you to leave," Castiel said calmly, rubbing his cheek. Mr Novak scoffed, "This is my son's funeral. I'm not going anywhere." Castiel laughed, actually full on laughed. Finding the whole situation hilarious that this asshat was actually caring about his son after death when he barely noticed him when he was alive. That was the final straw for Castiel as he grabbed his father by the collar of his shirt and slammed him up against the wall. "I won't ask twice," he growled, eyes blazing. Something must have triggered. He'd never seen his father look so startled before as he wrenched himself out of Castiel's grip and headed off and away from the church.

Dean clenched his jaw so hard he thought his teeth were going to crack, and he growled, "My mother's dead." With a menacing, threatening look in his eyes. He was about to lunge forward and throw himself at Mr. Novak, tackle this monster to the ground and beat the shit out of him, but he turned in surprise when Castiel appeared beside him, eerily calm despite the swelling bruise on his cheek, and threatened his father quietly. What was even more shocking was the fact that he shoved his father against the wall and got right up in his face, even though Mr. Novak was taller and bigger than him. Dean had never seen anything more brave in his entire life, and he hovered nervously in the background, knowing that Mr. Novak could cause some serious damage if he wanted to. Dean exchanged a panicked glance with Michael, as if to say, "Do something!"

Michael saw the look Dean gave him and nodded. He initially hadn't gotten involved because there had clearly been a lot going on since he left and didn't want to get involved in something that wasn't his business but now things were getting out of hand and he needed to do something. He calmly steered Castiel away from their father as Mr Novak looked like he was going to fight back. "I think you've caused enough damage," he said calmly, gesturing to everyone that was now staring. Mr Novak looked annoyed and about three seconds from pulling Castiel's lungs out through his throat but Michael pushed him gently away and around the corner to talk to him privately and sort this mess out. Castiel let out a deep breath. He had been waiting to stand up to his father all his life and he finally did. The shock of it dawning on Castiel and making him tremble slightly.

Dean looked around at the concerned onlookers and nodded at them reassuringly, to let them know he could handle it. He put his arm protectively around Castiel and led him over to sit down on a bench under a tree, then rubbed his back soothingly. He gently touched Castiel's face with his fingertips and frowned at the swelling red spot where Mr. Novak's fist had connected with his face, and he gritted his teeth angrily. "Dammit," he muttered, "Shit. Cas, are you all right?" He tried to meet Castiel's eyes. He could feel his body trembling and all of his muscles tensing, and there was a dazed expression on his face.

Castiel winced a little as Dean touched his face, the right side of his face swelling up under his eye from where his father punched him. He'd be lucky if he got away with not getting a black eye. He nodded absently, tilting his head to look at Dean but didn't look him in the eye. He took Dean's hand from his face and held it in his lap, staring at the ring on his finger. "Thank you for standing up to him, Dean. I-It means a lot to me," Castiel whispered.

Dean gazed at Cas for a moment and then pulled him close and kissed his forehead with a tense sigh. Funerals were never fun, but this one probably set the record for worst, most miserable funeral ever. "Well, I can't just stand there and let him beat you up, can I?" Dean murmured, trying to lighten his tone a little. "I'm proud of you for standing up for us, Cas. And we're not gonna take any shit from anyone." He kissed Castiel's temple and then patted his arm. "Ready?"

Castiel leaned into Dean's touch, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Castiel was tempted to go after his father and start a fight, anything to avoid the crippling trauma of having to say goodbye to his brother. He stood up, his legs threatening to buckle and he gripped hold of Dean's shoulder to keep himself upright. Taking a few steps, testing his legs before moving towards the church.

Castiel's entire body was trembling, and Dean winced and quickly went to Castiel's side to wrap an arm around his waist and keep him steady as they walked into the church. The other mourners were milling around the entrance and entering the church, and some people were already inside. Dean's heart clenched painfully at the sight of the casket in the front, and he glanced at Cas to make sure he was okay.

Castiel sat at the back, he knew he'd have to give his eulogy but he wanted to stay out of sight of everyone for as long as possible. He just wanted to be alone. He couldn't begin to describe how irritating everyone's condolence speeches were, which by the time they'd gotten inside the church he'd been given a lot. He just nodded and continued walking inside. Not in the mood to talk to strangers who hadn't even met Jimmy. He sat at the back, patting his jacket to check the box was still there and he fumbled with the sleeve of his jacket, eyes never meeting the casket where his brother laid.

The rest of Castiel's family was sitting in the front middle aisle of pews, but Dean didn't try to urge Castiel to go join them. It would only make things worse, especially since Gabriel, Balthazar, and Mr. Novak were up there. It broke Dean's heart that Castiel was an outcast in his own family, and the only other sibling that cared about him besides Michael was dead. Dean watched curiously as Castiel fingered his jacket nervously, and then sat down beside him quietly, in the back of the church. In a few minutes everybody was seated and the priest was standing at the alter preparing to begin the service.

Castiel didn't really pay attention to what the priest was saying. He felt cold and numb, and everyone looked sad but Castiel could tell it was more for appearance. If any of these assholes cared why weren't they there for Jimmy when he needed them most. Where were they once Jimmy got sectioned. People say they care but when it really comes down to it, it's all for show. He vaguely heard his mom going up to speak, her heart crying and the church echoing with her hauntingly beautiful poem. He looked up and he wished he hadn't. His mom lingering over the casket, lip quivering as she said her peace with her son. Castiel felt like he'd been punched in the gut. He'd never seen her so vulnerable before. It frightened him. She was supposed to be the one he could count on to stay strong when times got bad. To show Castiel how to stay strong too, but watching her break sent Castiel into a downward spiral he was afraid he'd never return from.

Dean was facing the front of the church and his eyes were on the alter, but all of his senses were tuned to Castiel sitting beside him. Things were relatively stable until Mrs. Novak went up to speak, and her face was breaking Dean's heart. He'd never seen her look so sad and broken before, and her voice wavered a little as she recited a poem in honor of Jimmy, but Dean hardly heard the words. Dean bit his lip and a single tear slid down his cheek, and he reached for Castiel's hand tentatively, knowing how difficult this must be for Castiel to see his mother like this. He scooted a little closer and pressed the side of his thigh against Castiel's, trying to share some warmth with him and soothe his sorrow a little, if that was even possible.

Castiel squeezed Dean's hand, looking over at him when he knew it was his time to speak. He pressed a tender kiss to where Dean's tears had fallen against his cheek and stood up carefully walking up to the podium. The walk down the aisle seemed like the longest moment of Castiel's life. Walking towards his brother and what was essentially his past. Castiel stood up in front of the faceless crowd and took out the box, placing it on the podium so he could take out a small, tattered folded up piece of paper. He unfolded it as slowly as he could, dragging out his final words for as long as possible, never wanting it to be over. "And ever has it been known that love knows not it's depth until the hour of separation," Castiel began, voice determinedly strong. Not wanting to show the world just how right Jimmy had been. He looked down at the box, focusing on the ivory grooves around the wooden frame as he tried to keep himself together.

Dean watched Cas walk to the front of the church, and many eyes turned to follow his progression to the alter. He stood behind the podium and took a small box out of his pocket and removed a folded piece of paper and began reading from it. Dean didn't know what it was, but the words were heartbreaking and Dean bit his lip and looked down at his hands folded in his lap as Castiel spoke, unable to look at the pained expression on his face. When Cas was hurting, Dean was hurting. That's the way it was with them. They shared their emotions without even trying, and in a way that was a good thing because it meant Cas didn't have to suffer alone.

Castiel let out a shuddery breath before continuing. "The bond between brothers is a pathway to acceptance. A delicate tether that ties the soul to the other without condolence. You're brought into the world together, co-dependant on one another to understand how the world works. No questions asked, you are acceptant of it." Castiel's words were true but formal, he refused to make a personal speech in front of people who absorbed his emotions and reflected them as their own. "So when that tether is cut, you're left to drift in a sea of insecurities and doubts. No one to turn to but yourself. And for that, I will miss my brother more than anything. For he was more than blood, he was a part of me." Castiel bit his lip, staring down at the box and swallowing thickly, putting it back in his jacket hesitantly and walking over to the casket, fingers delicately brushing over the woodwork as he silently said goodbye to his brother.

Dean looked up as Castiel continued speaking, and tried not to burst into tears. Cas was talking in a stiff, solemn tone, hiding his pain behind his words and his masked expression, but Dean could see the sorrow and emptiness in his eyes and it made him shiver with cold. Dean looked at Castiel's family; Mr. Novak and Mrs. Novak were sitting next to each other as was traditional, but there was a space between them as if they were strangers. Beside Mrs. Novak sat Michael, who looked haunted and broken, and then Gabriel and Balthazar, both looking serious and solemn. And then there was Cas, walking over to the casket where his dead twin was lying, dressed up in a fornal suit in the casket surrounded by lilies.

Castiel looked over Jimmy's pale face, images flashing back in his mind to how he found him lying in his room. He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut as he refused to go back to that place in his mind. It was supposed to be under lock and key, never to be found again. He straightened his tie and fixed his hair, furious that whoever had done this had done a botched job. He felt a few tears slip but refused to make a sound. He kissed his brother's forehead, holding his head in his hands carefully as he remained close for a moment, whispering something in French that no one else could hear. He pulled away completely after that and walked straight out of the church, collapsing in a heap just around the corner by the side of the church.

Dean followed Castiel with his eyes as he walked back in his direction after saying goodbye to his brother, but instead of sitting down he went right out the back door, and Dean bit his lip and followed him quickly, not caring what anyone else thought. He stood outside and looked around but he couldn't see Cas anywhere. He ran out and looked at the sides of the church and then found Cas laying on the ground by the corner of the church, and he ran over and fell to his knees beside Cas. "Oh, Cas..." Dean murmured sadly, and gathered him up in his arms, holding him close and leaning back against the side of the church. The morning dew on the grass soaked into their clothes, but Dean didn't care. He buried his face in Castiel's hair and just held him.

Castiel turned, curling himself against Dean's chest and sobbing into his shirt silently. The only noise that could be heard was Castiel light and shaky breathing and the caw of the crows that perched in the tree above them. spectating them curiously. Castiel was trembling violently, the bitter cold air crawling down his back wasn't helping either. Each breath he sucked in the sharp cold air, chilling his lungs and causing his to shudder as he wept for the loss of his brother.

Dean tightened his arms around Castiel's frame and pulled him close against his body, desperate to stop his shaking. Dean didn't know if the reason for Castiel's shivering was from emotion or from the cold air, but he supposed it was a combination of both. Castiel was sobbing into Dean's chest, and Dean's heart ached for him. He wished there was something he could do to make it better, but there was nothing. He could only let Castiel cry his heart out and cling to him and try to hold him together.

Castiel sniffed, managing to stop himself from crying but still trembling violently. He took the small box from his jacket pocket and handed it to Dean, covering both his hands over Dean's and the box. "Jimmy always knew he'd go before me," Castiel said, barely a whisper. "He lived in a mental institute, hardly something worth living for." Castiel stared at their hands where the box lay underneath. He bit his lip nervously. "He gave this to me two years ago. Told me to open it once he was gone."

Dean let Castiel put the little box in his hand, and then placed both of his hands over it. The image was startling to Dean and he felt a stab of pain and realization in his heart. The three of them, Cas, Jimmy and Dean, linked together. He closed his eyes as Castiel spoke, and held the little box carefully in the palm of his hand, Castiel's fingers cold against his. There was nothing he could say.

Castiel bit his lips, still staring at their hands. "I'm scared, Dean," he whimpered. "I don't want it to end this way. I don't want it to end. W-What if it gives more questions than answers? I-I can't.." Castiel moved his hands away, leaving Dean with the box. His own hands covering his face as he sobbed quietly again. Closure was something he feared he'd never get with Jimmy. He didn't want the box to complicate things.

"Cas," Dean murmured painfully, tears beginning to stream down his face as Castiel began sobbing again, trembling in Dean's arms, and the box felt like it was burning a hole in his hand. It didn't actually weigh much, but it felt heavy and Dean wanted to set it down, but he didn't. "I know you're scared. But this is something between you and Jimmy. Whatever is in here, he wanted you to have it." Dean had no idea what the small little box contained, but whatever it was was clearly of great importance to Jimmy and would therefore be meaningful to Cas. Dean gently placed the box in Castiel's hand and closed his fingers around it, keeping his hand over Castiel's shaking one.

Castiel nodded weakly, looking down at the box now in his hands. He kissed Dean's hand before moving it away to see the box. It was fairly plain, nothing special. Just a small wooden box with ivory engraving. Something he guessed Jimmy made. They always did projects to keep their minds focussed in the hospital but everything about it was Jimmy. It was pretty but nothing too fancy, practical and symmetrical. The aesthetics controlled under skilled and thoughtful hand. He bit his lip as he opened the box, his face softening as he choked on a sob as he looked inside the box. Inside, a small ballerina figurine popped out, spinning slowly as soft music chimed in time to the dancers movements.

Dean rested his cheek on Castiel's hair and watched as he opened the box slowly, not knowing what to expect. But the little ballerina that emerged from the opened box, while music played softly as the small figure spun around was the last thing Dean was expecting. Castiel's strangled sob was enough to get Dean's tears flowing again, and he sat quietly with Cas in his arms, watching the small dancer spin. Dean didn't really understand its significance, but he knew how much Cas loved to dance, so it was clearly something beautiful and important from Jimmy to Castiel.

Castiel watched as the little figurine span in its constant circle, tears rolling down his cheeks. When he and Jimmy were seven. They'd been given a gift each from their Grande-mere. Castiel's was a small music box with a ballerina in it. Castiel had been so excited, he's shown his father the prize possession and claimed with such excitement. "I'm going to be a dancer," Castiel said aloud, reliving the memory. He remembered his father being so furious. "Dancing is for girls, Castiel," he said aloud, frowning as if to portray his father. "Boys too, if they're really really good. Who else is going to lift the girls at the end?" Castiel froze, clutching the box as he remembered what happened next. His father grabbing the box and throwing it to the floor, essentially shattering Castiel's dreams as well as the box. Now it was fixed. Jimmy must have kept the pieces and put it back together. The fact that Jimmy kept it all this time to give back to him when he'd died made Castiel lost for words. The realization of Jimmy's meaning dawning on him. That when times where tough to never give up on your dreams.

Dean stiffened as Castiel began talking in different tones of voices, one of them sounding much younger and innocent, and the other voice angry and cold. It gave Dean chills to hear this moment from Castiel's past. He didn't know exactly what this meant, but he could tell it had something to do with his father and crushing Castiel's childlike dreams. He frowned and felt rage grow within him as he thought of Castiel's father. He had no right to call himself a father, if that was how he treated his son.

Castiel closed the music box carefully, treating it like the fragility of his own mind. He placed it back in his jacket pocket and took a moment before he could look Dean in the eye. Letting out a shuddery breath as he wrapped his arms around Dean and resting his head against the other's shoulder. What Jimmy had left him made him feel over come with warmth and strength. Despite Jimmy no longer being with him. He'd be there in spirit, telling him to never give up with his dreams.

Dean placed his hand in Castiel's hair and stroked it softly to try to soothe him as he leaned his head on Dean's shoulder. He didn't entirely understand what everything meant, but Cas seemed to come to a sort of realization and Dean breathed a sigh of relief. This was much easier to handle than a Castiel who was falling to pieces. "You ready to go back inside?" He murmured against Castiel's hair. It was cold and wet outside and Cas was already shivering enough.

Castiel shook his head. He'd already said his peace with Jimmy. All that was left to do was bury him. Castiel didn't want to see his face again. It hurt too much and he was in a place right now where he was strong enough with Dean by his side to keep it together. He managed to slowly stand and move himself towards the tree, sitting underneath it in search of shelter until everyone came back out again. He curled up on himself against the tree, seeking somewhere safe to hide from the world and more than likely, himself.

Dean nodded in understanding and allowed Cas to stand up, and then he followed him to the tree without being asked. He didn't know if Cas wanted him there, but there was no way he was leaving Cas out here by himself. Even if he wanted to be alone, Dean wouldn't be far away. He placed himself directly beside Castiel, wrapping an arm around Castiel's shoulders to encourage him to lean against his body instead of cold, hard tree.

Castiel wrapped himself back around Dean, thankful he had followed him. He didn't want Dean to leave, he just didn't want to get wet. He doubted Dean would approve if he caught a cold when he'd told him it'd be better to stay inside. Castiel wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist, brushing his cold nose against the warmth of Dean's neck. "I love you," he whispered gently, trembling only a little now.

Dean kissed Castiel's face softly wherever he could reach, trying to put some warmth back into Castiel's sad features. He kissed away the tears, pressing his lips to Castiel's eyelids and feeling the wetness there. He rested his cheek against Castiel's cold one and kept his arms securely around him. "I love you too, Cas." Dean murmured, "And I always will." Dean knew Cas doubted himself, didn't think he was worthy of being loved, and it broke Dean's heart. He loved Castiel so much.

Castiel held onto Dean tightly, watching as his brothers and church community carried Jimmy out of the church in his wooden box and out into the graveyard. Castiel didn't bother moving, there was still a talk before they would actually began burying him and Castiel didn't want to hang around more than necessary. He was afraid he wouldn't be able to cope and he wanted to see this through to the end, even if that meant missing the bits in between. He saw Gabriel give him a look but Castiel was not in the mood to deal with his brother's attempted murder. If it were up to him, he'd push him in and bury him alive but he didn't want Jimmy to suffer.

Dean sheltered Cas as the rest of the mourners left the church in a solemn procession, the casket being among them. By all means, Castiel should be there with the rest of them; he was the closest to Jimmy and the one that understood him and cared about him the most. Dean could understand his reluctance, though. It was hard to accept the death of a loved one. He met Gabriel's eyes for a moment, and Dean glared at him angrily while tightening his arm around Castiel protectively. Castiel's family was a messed up bunch, with the exception of Michael and Mrs. Novak.

Castiel watched as his brother, what was essentially a box, was taken through the graveyard and to the freshly dug out grave. It was only once they'd set the casket down onto the contraption that sets it down did Castiel attempt to stand up. He held onto Dean's shoulders as he got his barrings before moving away slowly to head up to the graveyard. He sat cross-legged by the tombstone, resting his head against it. No one stopped him, not even his mother who looked annoyed for a moment but the feeling past when she saw the look on Castiel's face. Castiel stared vacantly at casket as it lowered into the ground. Each person, throwing dirt onto the coffin as the priest prayed. Castiel didn't throw dirt, instead, a single white rose, tainted red with his blood. To anyone that cared enough to notice, it was just another red rose but Castiel knew better. It represented the once innocent, defiled by the corrupt and heartless. In other words, that that drove his brother to his death.

(Oh my GOD... I don't even know if this was intentional or not, but remember way way way in the beginning of this when they were doing French projects and Dean's project like failed, and then Castiel's poem was about two brothers fighting in a garden and then the white rose was stained with blood?! HNOLY SHTI)

Dean trailed behind Castiel and went to stand off to the side, next to Castiel's mother, and he put a gentle hand on her back, ignoring the looks given to him by the other Novaks. Mr. Novak was offering no support whatsoever, and Dean had to step up to the plate and be the strong one for Mrs. Novak. Castiel was sitting right beside the gravestone, and he took something out of his pocket and dropped it into the grave. It was a rose, but it looked different from normal roses. This one was partly white and partly red, and...oh. It was blood. It was a rose stained with blood. Dean pressed his fist to his mouth and tried not to sob out loud.

( I FUCKING LOVE YOU! Yes, this was my intention. OMG I'M ACTUALLY ERINERIOFNEIOFNO YOU NOTICED! :D)

Mrs Novak jumped slightly, thinking it was her ex-husband touching her and was ready to push him away when he noticed it was Dean standing there. She smiled warmly but her first thought was where Castiel was if Dean was here. She saw her son sitting by the grave and bit her lip. He looked like he was seconds away from jumping in after his brother and Mrs Novak leaned against Dean a bit more to hide her face as she began to tear up in front of her sons. She had told herself to be strong, let it all out when she was alone. She was supposed to be strong for her boys and she'd failed. What made it worse, was Dean was wordlessly offering his support without hesitation and she was just so happy that her boy had someone this loving to take care of him.

Dean gave Mrs. Novak a reassuring look and wrapped his arm around her as she leaned into him and began crying slightly. Dean chewed his lip and tried to stay strong and hold everything together, but it was so damn difficult. Dean had been the one holding everything together at his own mother's funeral, when Sammy had only been a little kid and John was too drunk to care for them. Dean always had to be the hero, and it wasn't easy, but he could do it. He had to do it, because if he didn't, who would? He rubbed calming circles into Mrs. Novak's back and let her cry against his shoulder, but his eyes were on Cas.

Castiel sat with his head rested against the tombstone. He watched as they piled up the dirt and most people left bit by bit already feeling they'd paid their respects just by being there. Castiel wanted to at least wait until he was buried, that was true respect. Mrs Novak wrapped her arms around Dean, rubbing his back. She wasn't sure how much he knew about Jimmy but from what she gathered he'd been there the day of the incident and despite not knowing him very well that must have been awful. "It;s okay, kitten. We're okay," she sniffed, looking over to see Castiel still staring absently at the now covered grave.

Eventually, only Castiel's family was left standing around the grave, and Dean, and they stood there for a long time, just looking at the fresh grave. Dean took a deep breath and placed his hands on Mrs. Novak's shoulders to look her in the eye for a moment, and then he kissed her cheek and walked over to Castiel, aware that the rest of the family was watching, but he didn't care. Cas was just sitting there on the ground looking small and forlorn and Dean went to him and offered his hand to help Castiel to his feet.

Castiel felt a shift in the air and looked up to see Dean standing over him, hand extended. He took his hand and shakily got to his feet, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck and pressing their foreheads together. Mr Novak and Gabriel both made hatred looks but Michael gave them a look that told them to back off. Balthazar looked confused. He was used to following Gabriel around, causing mayhem but given the chance to think for himself he wasn't so sure about how he felt Castiel and Dean. They seemed happy enough and Balthazar felt a bit guilty for hurting his brother. He'd felt Gabriel went a bit far when he set Dean's car on fire. Castiel hissed as his bruised cheek stung slightly as the rain began to spit down on them.

Dean ignored everybody else and just focused on Cas. He placed his hands on Castiel's waist to hold him steady and closed his eyes, listening to the sound of his shaky breathing. It began to rain harder, and Dean gently kissed Castiel's lips and then guided his head down to rest on Dean's shoulder, hiding his face from the watching eyes of his family. They didn't move from this position for a while, until Dean noticed Castiel was shivering again. The rain seeped into their clothing and ran down the backs of their necks, and Dean backed away but kept his arm around Castiel's waist. "Let's get out of the rain," he suggested quietly, leading Castiel over to Mrs. Novak. He glanced warily at Mr. Novak and Gabriel, who were eying him with disgust, but Balthazar's expression startled him. He looked lost and confused, as if he didn't know who to side with.

Castiel followed Dean wordlessly, but stopped before backtracking his steps and kneeling where he'd been sitting moments ago. He whispered farewell in French to his brother and promised to visit soon before following back up to Dean. Michael had his arm around Mrs Novak and suggested he drive them home. He lived a few hours away and their mom suggested he stay the night and go home the next day. Castiel was just glad his mom would have some company. There was only so long she could stand staring at Castiel. It must have seemed a little haunting to her to bury her son whilst having a walking reminder of what he looked like. Castiel held on to Dean as they all made their way back to the car. "Now hold on a second, kiddo. That's it? You're just gonna play the victim in this piss poor pantomime?! Boo fucking hoo, sweet cheeks. We've all lost a brother. Don't go making out like you're the only one who's suffering here," Gabriel scoffed. Balthazar whispered to tell him to calm down but he was having none of it. Castiel rolled his eyes and let out a strangled sigh. "Can't I go one day without this shit?" he muttered to himself more than Dean.

Dean clenched his teeth and took a deep breath, turning to Gabriel with a threatening glare. "Fuck you, _Gabe_." He sneered, baring his teeth. "You obviously didn't give a shit about Jimmy, so you have no right to talk to Cas like that." Dean was fed up with this. He stepped closer to Gabriel so they were face to face, and growled in a dangerously low voice, "Don't pretend to feel something you're not. Cas is mourning the death of his twin brother, Gabriel. I know it's difficult for you, but show some humanity and leave him be." Dean stayed right in Gabriel's space, staring coldly into his eyes, and with one hand he pushed Castiel behind him, just in case Gabriel went psycho and attacked him again.

Gabriel cracked a gnarly grin, bring his hands up in an innocent gesture. "Whoa, easy there cowgirl. Don't get your panties in a twist." Gabriel raised an eyebrow, not backing down from Dean's intimidating stance. "Hey, it ain't my fault that little dickweed is still alive an' kickin'," he said with a cheery smile. He leant in close as if to tell Dean a secret. "If it were up to me, he'd be in the box too." Castiel watched the interaction between his brother and boyfriend and he rolled his eyes, not in the mood for another fight. He pushed his way between them and looked at Gabriel with a bored expression. "Are you done threatening me? I'd kinda like to go home and make out with my boyfriend." Gabriel looked like he was going to explode with anger and Castiel took a deep breath, preparing himself for the worst when Balthazar did what he should have done a long time ago, and hit Gabriel, tackling him to the floor before he could hurt Castiel. Castiel blinked in surprise before sighing. "Jesus," he breathed, taking Dean's hand and taking him back to the car, leaving his idiot brothers to it. "You still want to marry me?" Castiel joked.

Dean was afraid a fight was going to break out at any moment, and what came out of Gabriel's mouth stunned him into silence. "Shit, you really are a fucked up kid, aren't you." He breathed in horror, shaking his head slowly. He couldn't believe that he actually wanted Castiel dead. "More than that, you're a monster." He added, his features hardening as he prepared to punch the dick's lights out, but when Cas stepped between them, stupidly fearless, and what he said made Dean's jaw drop in disbelief. He was about to jump in front of Cas and take the punch for him but then Balthazar attacked Gabriel and Dean pulled Cas back out of the way. He watched them for a moment in utter disbelief and then went with Cas to the car. "Of course I still wanna marry you, idiot." Dean scoffed, and then he took Castiel's face in his hands and kissed him with brave determination, right there for Castiel's entire family to see.

Castiel kissed Dean back, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck and melting into his touch, grateful for the intimacy after the shit he'd been through. His family was really fucked up and the fact that Dean still wanted to be with him, warmed his heart. Castiel hummed, backing away just slightly to look up at Dean with a small smile. They got into the car and Michael drove them home.

Dean smiled softly at Cas, and stroked a finger down his cheek where a raindrop had mimicked a tear, and bumped the tip of his nose gently against Castiel's before they got into the car. Michael was driving and it was a little bit uncomfortable because Dean hardly knew the guy, but he held Castiel's hand the entire way home.

Once they got home, Castiel kissed Dean's cheek and waited until his mom and brother went up to the house to talk to Dean. "I take it you're going home," Castiel said sadly, but he knew Dean should go home soon. He was going to get in trouble with his father and Castiel didn't want to make it worse. "Thank you for coming today. It meant a lot to us both."

Dean hugged Castiel tightly and held him for a moment before backing away and nodding reluctantly. "I really should get home," he replied sadly, but he'd been away from home so much lately that his dad was bound to be getting suspicious, and they didn't need more problems on top of the ones they already had. "I'm worried about you," he admitted, gently stroking Castiel's hair. "Are you guys going to be okay?"

Castiel leaned into Dean's touch, closing his eyes. "We'll be okay," Castiel whispered, placing his hand over Dean's. "You got us through the worst of it." He reached up to kiss Dean softly before pulling away completely and walking Dean over to his car. He pressed Dean up against the side of the car and kissed him passionately, desperately connecting to him before he had to leave again. "I'll miss you, baby," he purred sadly.

Dean pulled Cas closer with a hand on the back of his neck and kissed him deeply, humming softly with emotion as Castiel pressed himself against him, and Dean was pinned against the side of his car. When Castiel backed away, he left Dean breathless, and he cupped his face gently. "I'll stop by soon, okay? And if you need to talk or anything just call me." He kissed Cas one more time before smiling sadly at him and gently pushing him towards his mother. "Go, she needs you more than I do right now. I love you, Cas."

Castiel sadly walked in the direction of his house, turning back to look at Dean, unsure about leaving without him. "I love you, Dean," he smiled before running into the house to catch up with his mom before Dean or he could change his mind. He didn't want to leave Dean. He wanted to take him to bed and curl up with him under the covers but he didn't want Dean to get in trouble with his father.

Dean sighed and reluctantly walked to his car and got in. He wished he didn't have to leave, but if he didn't get home they'd both be in a shitload of trouble. Dean drove home and when he got there, his dad's car was in the driveway. Dean's heart sank and he groaned as he got out of the car and walked into the house, water dripping from his wet clothing and shoes, and he tried to sneak upstairs, but John grabbed him by the arm before he could walk by, and looked him up and down in confusion, taking in his rain-soaked suit. Dean didn't meet his eyes and stood there staring sullenly at the ground. "What the hell?" John muttered, looking at Dean irritatedly. "Dean, it's 3 in the afternoon and you haven't been home in about 2 days. Where the fuck have you been?" Dean took a deep breath and stood up straighter. "Cassie's brother died and I went to the funeral." He said in a flat tone of voice, and John rose his eyebrows. "Really." He took a deep breath and stepped back a little, softening his tone. "That's a shame. Poor girl, tell her I offer my condolences." This was John's version of sympathy. It wasn't much, but Dean was glad he was at least buying the story. John opened his mouth to ask a question, but Dean closed his eyes and shook his head. "Listen, Dad... I'm... I'm not in a great mood, I don't really feel like talking now, sorry. I'm gonna go to bed," He muttered, turning away from his dad and walking up the stairs, too exhausted to spin stories about Cassie right now.


	23. Chapter 23

Castiel went inside and took a hot shower, getting out of his soaked suit and giving his body some much needed heat. Images of the morning flashed into his mind, Dean pleasuring him in the hopes to make the start to the day that little better. Thankfully the heat steamed up the mirror so Castiel didn't have to face himself alone just yet. He was afraid of what might happen if the chance arose. He dried himself off and changed into some more comfortable clothes and curled up on the couch with his mom, stealing Michael's cigarette and taking a few drags to relax himself before handing it back. Mrs Novak was too tired to scold Castiel and just rolled her eyes, temptation getting the better of her and taking a few drags herself. They all sat in fairly comfortable silence. Reminiscing about Jimmy and the happier times of their family. Castiel found himself falling asleep in his mother's arm, warm and safe.

Once Dean was upstairs, he sagged and stripped out of his wet clothes. He got into the shower, allowing the heat to soak into his muscles and relax him, but nothing could ease his troubled mind. He wished he could be with Cas right now because he was really worried. In the morning after they'd showered together, Castiel looked at himself in the mirror with the most sorrowful expression, and Dean was scared of what he might do when he was alone. He trusted Michael would protect him, that didn't even need to be said. Once dried off, Dean returned to his bedroom and put on some warm, soft sweatpants and a hoodie and crawled under the covers for a nap, even though it was pretty early and he hadn't eaten anything all day. Before he fell asleep, he texted Cas, "i love u. be strong, cas. 3"

Mrs Novak nudged Castiel gently, "Sweetheart, you need to get to bed." Castiel moaned softly in protest but was too tired to move. It had been an emotionally draining day and Castiel was too exhausted to move. Michael smiled sadly, "I'll take him. Come on little man." He picked Castiel up, carrying him bridal style up the stairs and to his bedroom. He laid Castiel on the bed, tucking him in and Castiel curled up on himself to try and keep the warmth. "Your boyfriend seems nice, champ. You're really lucky to have someone like him," he said softly, trying to put Castiel in a good mood before he fell asleep. Castiel hummed in agreement, eyes closed and snuggled up with Amber.

Dean fell asleep quickly after that, and dreamt of nothing, which was a huge relief. He slept soundly throughout the night and when he woke up on Sunday morning, he felt much better than he had last night, well-rested and mind sharp and ready to face whatever the day had in store. He went downstairs for breakfast. He was starving after not having eaten anything yesterday, and he made some toast. Sam came down a little while later and gave him a knowing smile, and Dean gave him one back and popped two more slices of bread in the toaster for Sam.

Castiel awoke the next morning, well-rested and warm. Amber's tail in his face that made him sneeze but everything was like it was normal again. At least for now anyway. Castiel had marked his skin and had cried non-stop for a few days and he felt better for it. Grieving was still there but Castiel felt he could handle it better now. The only thing that would make this morning better was if Dean was in the bed with him. He got his phone and smiled at the text he'd missed the night before and sent a new one to Dean. 'Missed you last night, baby. Amber's just not cutting it anymore. I want my Dean back :('

Dean had put his phone in his pocket before he came downstairs, and it vibrated right as he sat down. He took it out and grinned when he read the message from Cas. Sam looked at him questioningly, and Dean explained. "Cas." and then texted him back. "i wish i couldve been with u last night, babe. how r u doing?" Sam looked at Dean in concern as he chewed his toast, and asked, "Is he okay? Did everything go smoothly?" Dean shrugged and grimaced. "As smoothly as it can for a funeral, I guess. There was a little issue with his dad and Gabriel but for the most part everything was under control. Cas is really down, though. It scares me."

"Okay, I just want you back. I like having you around." he texted to Dean. He knew he sounded clingy and desperate but his brother had just died. He had a reason to be. He bit his lip before adding. "I guess I'll just have to have fun on my own ;)" Castiel put his phone by his side on the bed and sighed, touching his waist as he wrapped his arm around himself, curling up into a ball.

Sam nodded slowly in understanding, forehead wrinkling in a concerned frown. Dean sighed. "He's better, though. I think he'll be okay." He finished his toast and was about to get more, being absolutely starving, when his phone vibrated again. He smiled softly at the first part of the message and then laughed a little at the second part, shaking his head in amusement. "and i like being around u." he replied, and then sent another message, "u do that, cas. and describe it to me in great detail." if Castiel's meaning behind "fun" was what Dean's meaning behind "fun" was.

Castiel eagerly picked up his phone as soon as it vibrated. "Half the fun is listening to my soft breathy pleads in your ear, begging for more. Text doesn't exactly give you that effect, babydoll" He laid back on his bed, closing his eyes and picturing Dean being with him, strong arms wrapped around him and pressing soft kisses to his neck as they basked in each other's warmth. The thought alone made Castiel smile, how Dean could have such effect on him without even being in the room.

Dean nearly choked on his orange juice when he read the next message, and drops of it went flying across the table towards Sam. Sam made a face and moved away, handing Dean a napkin which Dean gratefully took and wiped his mouth. Cas was an inch away from having phone sex with Dean, and the idea sounded intriguing to Dean. He grinned at his phone and quickly texted back, "yeah you're right, maybe we should turn this into an speaking conversation? ;)" Dean smiled stupidly, relieved that Cas was obviously feeling well enough to tease Dean like this, and he hoped it wasn't just an act to reassure Dean. But seriously, how was it possible for Cas to sound so unbelievably hot in a text message? Sam looked at Dean nervously, and shook his head. "I don't even want to know," he murmured awkwardly.

Castiel grinned, biting his lip as he read the text. He'd never done something like this before and the idea was intriguing Dean wouldn't always be able to get away from home so maybe this was a way of working around that. Castiel rung Dean's phone, smiling stupidly as he felt giddy at what they were about to possibly do. He waited for Dean to pick up before purring in low voice down the phone, "I've been waiting for you, baby, to hear that sexy husk of a voice." Castiel winced, that didn't sound right. He was trying to sound sexy for Dean but without seeing Dean's reactions it was hard to tell what was working.

Dean's phone started receiving a call, and he grinned and winked at Sam, holding up his phone. "Gotta go. No interruptions, please." Sam rose his eyebrows and blushed, groaning and covering his ears. "Dude! I really don't want to know!" Dean cackled evilly and ran out of the room and upstairs, not answering the phone until he was in his room with the door locked. Castiel's voice made him shiver eagerly and he giggled with nerves and excitement. "Hey, hot stuff," Dean replied, "What are you wearing?" Dean had never done this before, so he was basing his knowledge off of what he'd seen on TV and stuff. "I want to imagine tearing it off with my teeth." He growled, grinning stupidly. This was a little bit ridiculous, but Dean was interested to see where it would go.

Castiel giggled, covering his mouth to stop it from being heard down the phone. It felt weird to be doing this but he was intrigued to know what would happen. He blushed, biting his lip. "I hate to disappoint you, sugar, but I'm not wearing anything," he purred, grinning ridiculously. "I'm all alone, hot and sweaty, limbs tangled in the bedsheets as I writhe at the sound of your deep, growling voice," Castiel breathed, beginning to get the hang of sexy talk.

Dean closed his eyes and pictured Cas like that, and it was surprising how quickly he became aroused, heat pooling low in his belly. He grinned and laid back on his bed, glad for the distraction for both him and Cas. "That sounds hot," Dean replied in a low voice, "And I'm all yours. Oh, the things I could do to you." He hummed softly into the phone as he imagined Castiel naked and writhing beneath him, a mess of sweaty limbs and sexy sounds.

Castiel bit his lip, closing his eyes as he imagined Dean touching him. "Your tongue, licking the salty skin in the groove of my collarbone. Biting down and marking the skin, drives me crazy," Castiel described breathlessly, using stuff they'd done before to make it easier to visualize. "My lips against your neck, teasing you with soft, slow touches."

Dean moaned softly; he could practically taste Castiel's sweat and he slid a hand under his hoodie to touch his chest and stomach, pretending it was Cas. "You taste so good," Dean growled, "I'm tangling my fingers in your hair and tipping your head back. Licking a long, wet stripe from your collarbone up to your jaw, dragging my teeth against your skin and sucking." This was way hotter than Dean thought it would be.

Castiel tilted his head back, visualizing Dean's movements and arching his back as he moaned breathlessly. He pressed his hand into his hair, tugging slightly like Dean would. "Oh baby, don't stop," he breathed, seriously coming aroused just by Dean's voice. "My mouth finds the lobe of your ear and sucks it gently, nipping slightly as my hands trail down to rub your inner thigh. The heat is almost unbearable, coursingthrough the thin fabric of your pants. I all but rip them off, pressing our naked bodies together."

Dean gasped and moaned as the images flashed through his mind. Cas was pretty damn imaginative, and really good at this. Dean pressed a hand against his crotch and pretended it was Castiel's hardness against him, and he moaned low in the back of his throat, panting for breath at the pressure. His hand trailed underneath his pants and he began touching himself, rolling his hips as heat pulsed through his body. "Fuck, Cas," he gasped, "I wonder what you would do if I kissed my way down your body... and... ahh, swiped my tongue over those delicious hipbones before taking your cock in my mouth and swallowing you so deep my lips touch your balls?" Dean wasn't even sure he could do that without choking, but the thought of doing so shot another wave of heat straight to his crotch. Dean had never talked this dirty before, and he liked it quite a lot.

Castiel ran a hand down his body, hips bucking as he palmed at his bulge. He groaned desperately, screwing his eyes shut and imagining Dean's lips wrapped around his cock. "Dean," he breathed, struggling for words. This would be over way too soon if he wasn't careful. "My fingers dig in at your shoulders, struggling to pull you back up to find my lips, tasting myself on your tongue as we grind against each other. bodies sweaty and entangled in one another." Castiel let out a dirty moan, touching himself to the images they described.

Dean's hand slipped under the fabric of his pants and he touched himself desperately. "Fuck," he gasped, hoping he wasn't being too dirty, but Castiel's rough, breathless voice moaning dirty talk to him was making him come undone. "Jesus, Cas!" He exclaimed with a shocked huff of a laugh. His mind clouded with images of Castiel writhing on the sheets under him and their sweaty, naked bodies rubbing against each other and creating perfect, intoxicating friction. He could almost feel Castiel's hot breath panting against his skin. He groaned and threw his head back, nearly dropping the phone as his movements became more frantic. "Cas, I'm gonna..."

Castiel groaned, listening to Dean come apart just by talking to him. "Come for me," he growled, moaning and breathing heavily down the phone just by listening to the noises Dean was making. His grip tight on the phone as he struggled to keep himself under control.

"Fuck," Dean moaned, "Cas!" And then he reached his orgasm, riding it out in intense waves as his entire body burned and shuddered, and he was amazed that he'd managed to come just by the sound of Castiel's voice. He cried out in pleasure as his byody went slack, and he panted into the phone, feeling spent and satisfied and awesome. "Your turn," he breathed. "I wanna hear you come."

Castiel bit his lip and thought of something else to stop himself from coming to the sound of Dean unravelling. He breathed hard and made whining noises, begging for release but forced himself not to as he just listened to the erotic moans that escaped Dean's lips. Then Dean's request was all it took to send Castiel over the edge, back arched off the mattress as he screamed out Dean's name before collapsing in a mess. His limbs twisted in the sheets and the phone long forgotten by his side. His breathing came out ragged as he tried to regain a clear head.

Dean moaned breathlessly as Castiel came, the noises he was making were so beautiful and perfect and Dean closed his eyes and drank them in, imagining what Cas looked like right now. After Castiel reached his orgasm, screaming Dean's name and causing a thrilled shudder to wrack his body, Dean tried to catch his breath. He could hear Castiel's rough breathing on the phone, and he laughed breathlessly. "Fuck, that was amazing," he panted, "Cas, you okay?"

Castiel almost forgot where he was, blinking a few times before his vision came back and his mind cleared. He picked up the phone with a trembling hand, his body completely spent. He rested the phone next to his ear, a small smile tracing his lips. "Yeah, I-I'm okay. You..you were perfect." Castiel was unsure how long his happiness would last until the next wave of depression crippled him once again but he was glad to have these small glimpse of hope for a brighter future none the less.

"I love you," Dean murmured, turning onto his side and reaching for his pillow to hug to his chest, curling up on the bed happily like he usually did after sex, but it was really odd that Cas wasn't there next to him. That was a major downside of phone-sex, he supposed. No after sex cuddling. "We need to do that again sometime," he told Cas, "Because that was fucking awesome. Wish you were here next to me, though."

"I-I love you, too," Castiel whispered, curling up on himself not even bothering to try and untangle himself from the sheets wrapped around his waist and legs. He was silent for a long time before timidly saying, "I-I want you to come over for dinner on Wednesday." He bit his lip nervously wondering whether it was the right decision or if it was too soon. "I have the house to myself. Mom's going to see Lucifer."

Had it really only been a month since the last time they had Castiel's house to themselves? So much had happened between now and then that if felt like years ago. "Of course," he murmured, a small smile dancing across his lips as he hugged the pillow, "Wednesday night. I'll be there. God, I wanna kiss you right now," he complained half-heartedly.

Castiel smiled faintly, blushing as he hid his face into the pillow, despite Dean not being there. "You can kiss me all you want Wednesday, babydoll," Castiel purred, trying to sound flirtatious. Something he'd never thought he'd be but being with Dean for over a month had shown him he was a lot of things he didn't know he was.

"Believe me, I will." Dean replied in a soft voice, smiling contentedly. He loved the way Castiel's voice sounded after sex, kind of rough and breathy and spent. He wanted to worship Castiel's body, kiss every inch of him, make him feel good. Cas needed pleasure right now, he needed a way to forget his pain and feel better, and Dean wanted to do it the only way he knew how.

Castiel hummed, eyes closing as he curled up further on himself. "Tomorrow, Sammy needs to come with us to rehearsal. You think you can convince him to come?" Castiel asked, as a side thought. His mind going a mile a minute and random thoughts were being plucked from the air without intention. His mind was all over the place, he was struggling to keep anything organised.

Dean frowned in confusion. "Yeah, that shouldn't be a problem. Kind of an odd request though," He couldn't think of any reason for Sam to go to rehearsal with them, but Cas seemed pretty desperate for that to happen, and Dean didn't know why. But if that's what Cas wanted, then Dean was going to do it. "Any particular reason why he needs to come? Just so I know what to tell him?" He asked.

Castiel shook his head, despite Dean not being able to see him. "Oh, well Anna said she'd come to see how things were going and I thought we could all get dinner or something afterwards, y'know for saying thanks for what they did to help us out," Castiel lied. They would still take them out to dinner but that wasn't the reason why Sam needed to be there. If he told Dean then Sam would know something was up. And he didn't want to mess this up.

"Oh, good idea." Dean agreed. With everything that had happened over the last few days, Dean had almost forgotten about thanking Sam and Anna for all their help. "Yeah, Sam'll be there." He told Cas, "It sounds like fun. They really deserve a treat after everything they did for us," They really were lucky to have such support from the two of them, especially since Dean's dad would never accept Dean if he knew he was gay.

Castiel hummed, glad Dean wasn't going to ask anymore questions. "Good, I'll speak to you tomorrow then," Castiel said a little reluctantly but he assumed after spending so much time away from home it would be better if Dean stayed at home tonight. "Night, love," he whispered, eyes drooping as he yawned softly, burying his head deeper into the pillow.

"Sleep well, baby." Dean murmured softly, smiling sadly as Castiel yawned, "Get some rest, I'll see you tomorrow." Despite the energy he'd just shown while they were having phone sex, Castiel was exhausted and damaged from the loss of his twin brother, and Dean knew it would take much longer for him to recover completely, and sleep was the only thing that could heal him now.

Castiel made a small mewing sound as he stretched and curled back around himself. The phone completely forgotten and left to lie on the pillow next to Castiel's head. His hands resting under his chin and his knees tucked up to lie next to his stomach. He fell asleep almost instantly, his breathing becoming shallower and shallower as he fell into a deeper sleep. He'd never felt so warm and loved when drifting off to sleep without Dean by his side.

Dean smiled softly and sighed as he listened to Castiel moving around on his bed, the rustling of sheets and the creaking of the mattress the only thing giving him away. Dean wanted nothing more than to curl up with him and hold him close, feel the warmth of his body relaxed against his, but he could only settle with the sound of Castiel's breathing. It lulled him to sleep, and he felt like everything would be okay.

Castiel awoke in a cold sweat to the sound of his alarm, his forehead glistening with sweat as he stared wide-eyed around the room looking for intruders. He breathed deeply as he tried to take big enough gulps of air to stop himself from hyperventilating. "It's okay," he repeated over and over to himself quietly. "He can't get you anymore." He stood up quickly, hand reaching for his scarred cheek and rubbing it subconsciously. He went for a shower and hummed loudly, in the hopes that his voice would scare away intruders.

When Dean woke up the next morning, he looked down at himself in disgust and realized he hadn't even cleaned himself off after last night, so he was wearing his sweaty, stained pants and he felt disgusting. He couldn't help but smile as he saw the phone still lying beside his head. He'd gone to sleep to the sound of Castiel breathing last night. He got up and headed to the bathroom for a quick shower before school, as he'd slept in a little bit.

Half an hour later and Castiel found himself, rocking gently on the base of the bathtub as the now cold water sprayed down on him like the cool blade of a knife. He tugged at his hair lightly, using the pain to focus himself. His nightmares hadn't been bad with Dean to protect him. He'd almost forgotten how terrifying his dreams could consume him without his boyfriend to tell him everything would be okay. He was scared and afraid, he didn't want Dean's dad to get to him again. Every moment alone with his thoughts gave Castiel terrors. He couldn't stop thinking about how easily Dean's father could find out about them. He was afraid of what would happen..again. He'd had Michael last time. He might not be that lucky again. He forced himself to breath as he shut off the water and dried his wrinkled skin. He looked at the clock when he reached his room and found he was an hour late for school by the time he got dressed. He groaned, grabbing his helmet and jacket and running down the stairs and onto his motorcycle.

Dean waited for Cas in the parking lot long after he arrived at school, but he never showed up and Dean was growing more and more worried. He checked his phone repeatedly but got no message from Cas, and he waited a few minutes after the bell rang just in case. Cas was never late, and Dean felt sick with worry. He texted Cas a few times asking if he was all right and where he was, but he never got a reply. Eventually Dean wandered into the school and went to his first class, because he'd be in trouble if he missed yet another English class, and checked his phone under his desk, but no text from Cas came.

When Castiel finally managed to get to school. He practically ran through the corridors to art class. Out of breath and red faced. "Hey there, sexy," Meg smirked, causing Castiel to blush. She walked over to him and fixed his hair without his consent. "Rough night?" she asked, with a questioning eyebrow. Castiel pushed her hand away giving her what he hoped was a smile for helping him. His mind was elsewhere and he was having real problems focusing on even the simplest of things. Meg stayed close, noticing Castiel's expression. "You better not be flaking on me, sweetcheeks. We've gotta practise," Meg pouted, though in her own way she was genuinely concerned for him. Meg flicked her wrist, hand resting on Castiel's shoulder as she stepped in to position. The contact caused Castiel's thoughts to shake off and focus on who and what was happening. "Sorry, I'm just not in the mood," he said softly, pushing her away half-heartedly and walking over to collapse in a heap on the floor and stare absently at the ceiling whilst playing with the guitar pick around his neck.

Still no text from Cas. After English, Dean headed straight to the art room to see if he was there or if anyone had seen him, and he stopped short when he saw Cas laying on the floor staring up at the ceiling, fingering the guitar pick absentmindedly and looking troubled. Meg was standing nearby looking at him in confused concern. Dean sighed in relief that Castiel was here and then stepped into the room and crouched down beside Cas, poking him gently in the chest. "Hey," he murmured, "Are you okay?"

Castiel flinched violently when Dean touched him. So lost in his own world, being so abruptly disturbed startled him to the extent that he began to shake, gripping Dean's hand tightly in the hopes he wouldn't touch him again. His wide eyes softened when he saw who it was and his grip loosened, only slightly. "Dean," he breathed, his mind replaying what he'd just been asked. "I-I'm fine," he stuttered, looking around the room to see everyone was staring at him. His eyes focused back on Dean's, "I'm fine."

Dean jumped when Castiel suddenly flinched, heart pounding. He lost his balance and fell right on his ass on the ground and stared at Castiel in shock, squeezing his hand back as he tried to make sense of what had just happened. Everyone was watching them, but luckily there weren't too many people in the art room, just the normal crowd. Dean scooted closer to Cas and tugged him up into a sitting position, hands gripping his shoulders firmly as he stared into Castiel's eyes in concern. "Cas, what the hell?" He murmured quietly, studying Castiel worriedly. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights, or like he'd just seen a ghost.

Castiel gasped softly, choking on a low sob. "I-I'm sorry, Dean," he whispered, his fingers trailing along Dean's arm gently all the way up to his shoulder before finding his cheek and caressing it softly. "I-I didn't mean to..you just startled me. That's all." He bit his lip. looking at Dean with wide eyes like he didn't even recognise him. The thought frightened him a bit. He searched Dean's eyes, desperately trying to cling onto something warm within those eyes to drag him back to reality.

The look in Castiel's eyes made Dean's stomach clench up with worry, and he bit his lip and squeezed Castiel's arm lightly. "Shit," he muttered, more to himself than to Cas, and then stood up, pulling Cas up with him. "Come on, let's go somewhere else," he whispered, trying to get Castiel away from the questioning eyes of all the other students. He wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist and led him out into the hallway, ignoring the curious and concerned looks in people's eyes as they left the room.

Castiel let himself be dragged away from the room, giving Meg a side glance to tell her everything was okay but the look she gave him in response told Castiel his expression hadn't exactly given the message correctly. He leaned into Dean as they left, sagging against a nearby locker once they were far enough away into the hall. "I'm sorry," he whispered, staring at the metal door that was half pressed against his cheek.

Dean pulled Castiel close in the empty hallway, their voices echoing quietly through the space. "Cas, you're scaring me," He whispered shakily, stroking Castiel's hair gently, "Please tell me what's wrong." Castiel was trembling and Dean was close to having a heart attack. The last time he saw Castiel like this was before they'd started dating, around the time when Dean was still trying to get Cas to go to prom with him. It seemed so long ago.

Castiel stroked Dean's cheek, his fingertips brushing over the slight stubble on his jaw. "I dreamt of him again," Castiel whispered, still staring absently at nothing in particular. "His blade digging so deep into my skin, he draws blood. Each thrust of his knife cuts deeper into the skin. A-And all the while..he's laughing. He doesn't even care, Dean. He doesn't care."

Dean's eyes widened and he backed away just enough to look at Castiel's face. He gently traced his fingers over the scar and bit his lip. "Cas, I want you to listen to me. He's never going to hurt you again, you hear me? I promise I won't let him hurt you." He rested his forehead against Castiel's and they just breathed together, Castiel's shaky and unsteady and Dean's barely audible.

"It's just..I haven't slept on my own for a while. I forgot how I used to sleep in fear and it was just a bit of a shock to be reminded of what my life was like before you," Castiel breathed, eyes closed as he poured his heart and soul out to Dean. He lifted his hand to take Dean's, carefully this time and kept held over his cheek as if he was protecting that part of his life.

"I'll come over tonight, then." Dean decided, not wanting to leave Cas alone to suffer from the nightmares of his past. It made Dean's heart do strange things when Cas told him that he was the reason for changing his life, and he let out a shaky sigh and kissed Castiel's forehead softly. "I want you to be all right," he whispered. He'd do anything for Cas, even risk sneaking out of his house at night to go share his warmth with his anguished boyfriend.

Castiel shook his head. "No, I need to learn to deal with this," he said firmly. He didn't want to always be so dependant on Dean. He needed to be able to do things as simple as sleeping without his boyfriend always being there to save the day. "I-It'll pass. Please, Dean. I need to do this." If not for himself then to prove to Dean that he wasn't completely useless and a major burden.

Dean bit his lip and frowned uncertainly. "Okay, if you're sure you'll be all right... I'm worried, Cas." He didn't want to say why exactly he was worried, but he had a feeling Cas would get what he meant. He wasn't in the best state of mind right now, so soon after his brother's death and his family conflicts that seemed to only be getting more and more confusing, and the fact that he had urges to hurt himself was enough of a problem. He didn't want to offend Cas by forcing himself on him now, but Dean was worried about leaving Castiel alone with his dark thoughts.

Castiel laughed emptily, "You're always worried." He looked up at Dean with a blank face, leaning up to kiss him softly. "I'll be okay, love. I just need to work out a system. That's all," he whispered. Castiel wasn't sure it would be that easy but he had to start with something. He couldn't depend on Dean always being there for him. He needed to become more independent, like he had before. He gave Dean a faint smile and began heading back into art. "Did you get Sammy to agree?" he asked, focussing his mind on something less depressing. It wouldn't do for rehearsals if he stayed in this state.

Dean walked beside Cas slowly and watched his face subtly out of the corner of his eye. "I didn't get a chance to speak with him but I'm sure he'll go. In fact, I'll text him right now." He knew Sam would probably get annoyed if Dean texted him during class, because he was such a nerd, but whatever. He took out his phone as they walked back into art and texted his brother, "hey sammy come with me and cas to rehearsal after school today". He turned back to Cas with a small smile and straddled a chair, leaning his elbows on the back of it.

Castiel nodded, sitting in between Dean and Meg. Meg rested a hand on his arm which caused Castiel to swallow thickly as he forced himself not to flinch. He looked at her with wide eyes which only caused Meg to smirk. "Come now, Clarence," she said in her usual monotone purr. "It's considered rude to keep a lady waiting." Castiel's lips twitched into a small smirk at the thought of Meg ever being classed as a lady. "I'm not in the mood for Mambo," Castiel said tiredly. Meg just continued to smirk and took to her feet. "Perhaps a little somethin' more upbeat?" She swayed her hips as the music on her iPod played through the speakers, blaring Alex Clare's Too Close through the small system. Castiel sighed, apparently Meg knew just how to push his buttons and he took to his feet, copying her elaborate dance moves as they circled one another getting into the rhythm.

(I don't know why..just go with it :D  watch?v=Ctw33uKAjJI )

Dean watched as Castiel began moving his body in graceful and complicated dance moves, dancing in a circle with Meg as if they were about to attack each other, and it looked really awesome. It was pretty random, having a little dance session right in the middle of the art room, but Cas needed a distraction and something happened in his mind when he was dancing, Dean could tell. It calmed him and made him feel stronger, which is exactly what Cas needed. Dean smiled slightly as he watched them dance to the intense music, and everyone in the art room started to look over at them with smiles on their faces as well.

Castiel snorted out a laugh when Meg spun to much and crashed into him. Meg, for her part didn't look too pleased, pushing Castiel away in annoyance but Castiel kept her in place still laughing much harder than he had done in a while. That should have scared him but he pushed away the horrors and fears and focused on the positives. He was having fun, and he didn't need Dean to do it. He span her properly, with the guidance of his arm and they continued to dance, switching places as Castiel threw in some moves and Meg copied her. Meg easily kept up with Castiel's moves as they danced together. The song ended and Castiel found himself laughing again. Meg smirked, "There's the Clarence I know."

Castiel's laughter startled Dean a little bit, and he watched closely as they danced, surprised by the look of happiness on his face. Meg had given him that joy, and Dean felt like a bit of a failure. He wasn't able to cheer him up but Meg could, and she didn't even know what had truly happened to Castiel. Maybe that was why. For some reason, it hurt Dean, which was completely unfair, but he was only human and he couldn't help it. He was glad Cas looked happier, but he wished he knew how to make him that happy. He forced a smile stood up, afraid his presence was only making Castiel's fear worse because of his resemblance to his dad or something. He wasn't needed here anymore. "Hey, I should get going back to class," he said awkwardly.

Castiel looked over at Dean, feeling guilty. He hadn't meant for Dean to look so..unwanted. It just felt nice to have fun with someone who didn't know about his life. Someone who wanted to have fun with him not because they pitied him or felt responsible for what had happened but purely because they _wanted _to have fun with him. Dean was the one person he could confide with and have fun with and he'd been feeling like he was burdening Dean too much. He was trying to help him but the look on his face seemed to suggest otherwise. "I'm sorry I worried you, Dean," he said softly, a smile still tracing his lips as he wrapped his arms around Dean's neck. "You can stay if you want. Dance with us," Castiel murmured, slipping his hands down to Dean's waist to gently guide his hips to sway. Meg made a small attempt to laugh, "I agree with Clarence. Any extra time you spend working on those awkward steps you call dance moves wouldn't hurt."

Dean smiled tentatively at Cas and began swaying his hips a little to the tinny music blaring out of Meg's iPod, and tried to relax and tell himself he was being ridiculous. He glared at Meg and put his hands on Castiel's waist. "Good luck getting your dance partner back, bitch," he teased, and then lowered his head and looked at Cas through his lashes as the next song came on, and began swaying back and forth with a bounce in time to the beat.

( watch?v=3rD3wfEldEw ... yeah)

Castiel grinned, kissing Dean's nose. Meg just rolled her eyes fondly and started dancing, Lilith soon joining her in the middle of the room that they'd decided was a mini dance floor. Meg and Lilith dancing ridiculously and neither taking it too seriously, giggling away. Castiel laughed softly, loving the genuine fun. No pitiful stares, no comments on his brother. Just the music and some questionable dancing. Castiel moved his hands on Dean's hips, encouraging him to dance a little bolder to the music.

Dean laughed and bumped his nose against Castiel's as they danced, just relieved that Cas looked genuinely happy. Dean grinned as Castiel's hands rested on his hips and pulled him back and forth a little, and Dean relaxed and loosened up to dance with Cas. Hips moving in time with Castiel's as he tried to follow the dance moves until the song ended, and then the next song came on and Dean stepped back a little to give Cas some room as he began dancing, grinning widely. "You're too hot, I'm gonna get burned," he teased.

Dean shook his head and laughed, trying to copy Castiel's moves but failing miserably. He got a few of the moves in sync with Cas, and then resorted to just standing in front of Cas and shaking his hips and arms to the beat on the chorus, eyes trailing up and down Castiel's body appreciatively. This was possibly the weirdest, most fun thing Dean had ever done in school, and some other people were starting to join in now, too. Dean dropped down low, trailing his hands down Castiel's sides, hips, and thighs, and then came back up and continued dancing. "Damn, Cas. If your career as an artist fails you should be a stripper." He teased.

Castiel laughed, resting his head against Dean's shoulder momentarily to hide his fat grin and rosy cheeks. He wasn't sure what to say. The fact that Dean thought he'd be good enough to pursue a career in art or the fact he'd practically just called him a slut. So he settled for leaning in close to Dean and whispering teasingly in his ear, "Baby, I can be whatever you want me to be."

Dean smiled lovingly at him and tangled his hands in Castiel's hair to pull him in for a quick kiss before they continued dancing, Dean's arms looping around Castiel's neck and keeping him close as they danced, "Sounds hot," Dean teased back lightly, still smiling. He was so glad Cas was actually enjoying himself.

Castiel chuckled, dipping his head to hide his smile as they continued to dance. The music changed against to something quite questionable. Castiel wrinkled his nose in distaste it sounded like cats being strangled. "Meg. Stick to the classics, yeah? This is bumming me out." Meg looked annoyed and pushed his arm playfully, "That's my French assignment, you ass. My iPod is on shuffle it must have gotten mixed in." Castiel blinked, before keeling over with laughter. "This is French?!" he managed to question before laughing again. Meg swatted his arm and Castiel raised his hands up in a surrender gesture, "I'm sorry. It's just not often you get to see Meg, queen of the bitches taken down a peg or two." Castiel's face dead-panned when he mimicked her awful accent. "Or trois." That's when Meg tackled him to the floor and Castiel couldn't stop laughing, pushing her away half-heartedly as she tickled him as punishment.

Dean laughed in amusement as Castiel and Meg wrestled on the floor, and Dean absently wondered where the hell the art teacher was. He went over to Meg's iPod and started looking through her songs. She had a wide variety of songs and many artists Dean didn't recognize, and chose a song at random to end the hellish wailing that was coming from the speakers, and he made a horrified face at the next song that came on, and he turned back to her with mock-scolding face on. "This is inappropriate, young lady!" He exclaimed.

( watch?v=nv3M5OvCJuQ)

Castiel struggled to breath and was glad Meg had moved away and stopped tickling him. Meg stood up and walked right up to Dean, nearly nose to nose. "Lighten up, granddad. It's not our fault us modern folk have the ability to dance without looking like we've got bowel problems," Meg smirked. Castiel got to his feet and pulled Meg around in a turn, taking her off guard. "Loosen up, toots. We've gotta dance rehearsal this afternoon," he said in his best Riff impersonation.

Dean rose his eyebrows challengingly at Meg and tried to hide his grin. It felt good, this lighthearted banter, and Dean was glad for it, especially for Castiel's sake. He stuck his tongue out at her as Castiel spun Meg around and pulled her away from Dean as they continued to dance casually. "Hey, I'm not that bad of a dancer!" He protested, "Let me prove it." He backed away so he had enough room, and then began dancing, trying his hardest to remember Castiel's moves but he had a feeling he was doing awful and he looked ridiculous.

Castiel watched curiously as Dean tried his hardest to copy the moves he'd shown Dean earlier. It was sweet really and Castiel couldn't help but smile and cheer enthusiastically. Meg huffed, clearly impressed considering Dean wasn't a dancer but tried not to show it. "Not bad, for an old man," she smirked, pulling on Castiel's arm to get him to dance with her.

Dean laughed breathlessly as he ended his dance on a spin and then he blushed and took a bow. "Respect your elders!" Dean barked playfully at Meg, pointing an accusatory finger at her. Lilith came up from behind Dean and took his arm. "Dance with me." She ordered with a smirk, and Dean grinned and turned around to face her and they danced to the music.

Castiel danced with Meg, looking over at Dean from time to time.. Meg rolled her eyes, "My face is here." Castiel looked at her like a small child getting caught drawing on the walls in pen. "Yeah, but Dean's prettier," Castiel argued playfully with a small smirk. Meg rolled her eyes and switched to take Lilith back. "Keep your boy-toy, he's no good to me if all he does is eye goggle you," Meg said to Dean.

Dean grinned smugly and got Cas back, handing Lilith off to Meg. Lilith smirked and strutted over to Meg, linking their arms together, and Dean sighed and rolled his eyes. "Good. Besides, I think Lilly here would much rather dance with you, Ice Queen." Dean watched the two of them together and shrugged, he didn't know if they were a thing or whatever, but Dean wouldn't be surprised. He turned back to Cas with a pleased smile. "Hope Meg didn't set your standards for dancing too high," he said.

Castiel pretended to be offended. "I think you'll find I set the standards around here." He wrapped his arms around Dean's waist and sighed, dancing casually in time to beat. "Thank you, Dean," he whispered. "For staying I mean. I hope I haven't gotten you in trouble." He bit his lip nervously but kept dancing with Dean all the same.

Dean's smile softened a little and he leaned closer so his lips were almost at Castiel's ear. "You honestly think I give a crap about school right now?" He teased gently, then backed away to meet Castiel's eyes with a smile. "Anything for you, baby." He kissed Castiel softly on the lips as they continued dancing, and then backed away with a grin. "Hey," he called to Meg and Lilith, "Cas and me challenge you to a dance-off."

Castiel eased a little, smiling softly at Dean. He looked up at him curiously when Dean spoke. "We do?" he whispered. "You do?" Meg scoffed, crossing her arms as if to say no contest. Meg flipped her hair back and stood inches from Dean's face. "Fine, seeing as you're going to loose. You can pick the song. Something to remember the moment by when we kick your ass."

Dean grinned at Cas and winked at him. "You think you're gonna win?" He asked Meg in disbelief. "You and Lilith against me and Cas? You've got to be joking. No offense." He smirked and grabbed Meg's iPod, searching through it to find a suitable song. He clicked on "Pump It" by the Black Eyed Peas but didn't hit play yet. "We need some judges."

Castiel looked over to see Anna in the corner of their little dancefloor "I'll do it," she smiled sweetly. Another girl Anna was with raised her arm excitedly "Oh, me too." Castiel nodded and turned back to face Dean, "Shall we then?" he said with a soft, amused smile.

Dean grinned at Anna and the other girl, and licked his lips nervously. He didn't know what possessed him to do this, but it was exciting. He nodded. "Let's destroy them," he agreed in a quiet voice, his inner competitive streak coming out. He walked over to a table and set the iPod on it, hitting play and then walking over to Cas again.

Castiel took Dean's arm and spun himself with the other's hand. He set a style and stayed close to Dean, helping him to find the rhythm before setting into something a little more complex. Moving his arms and hips to the beat.

Dean followed along and actually began dancing in sync with Cas, impressed at himself that he was actually dancing. They'd danced before, but not like this, all complex and interesting. Mostly when the danced it was just slow swaying and holding each other, but this actually required concentration and focus.

Meg rolled her eyes, not wanting to admit they were actually quite good and started dancing with Lilith. Using her skills to her best abilities but toning them down so Lilith didn't look bad so they worked well together.

Dean snuck glances at Meg and Lilith out of the corner of his eye, and he tried to follow Castiel's moves exactly, swinging his hips more and watching as Castiel strutted in a circle around him. They were just improvising but Dean was learning how to anticipate Castiel's movements.

Castiel, what is essentially known as a slut drop, down Dean's side. He moved around him, evolving the moves as the song progressed and Castiel really wanted to laugh. He never thought this would be something he'd be doing in school and having fun whilst at it.

Dean laughed breathlessly as Castiel did the slut drop down his side, sliding his body along Dean's and then rising back up while rolling his hips, which was really fucking hot. Dean grinned at him and licked his lips teasingly as Castiel passed in front of him in his circle, and then slapped his ass playfully.

Castiel smirked a little when Dean slapped his ass and they continued to dance together. Meg refused to believe this was a dance competition anymore. "Save it for the poles, sluts," she said, rolling her eyes as she continued to dance until the song ended. Both Anna and the other girl clapped enthusiastically and discussed quietly who'd won.

Castiel smirked when Dean slapped his ass and continued to dance with him. Meg rolled her eyes, having glanced over just in time to see what looked more like whoring than dancing. "Save it for the poles, sluts," she smirked. The song came to an end and Anna and Charlie clapped enthusiastically, discussing quietly who the winner was.

Dean tossed his arm around Castiel's shoulders and pressed a firm kiss to his cheek. He laughed breathlessly and held Castiel close, so excited and thrilled at what they'd just done, and he narrowed his eyes playfully at Meg and Lilith. "Poles, now that sounds interesting," Dean teased, nudging Cas lightly with his elbow as they waited for Anna and Charlie's heated whispering to produce results.

Castiel rolled his eyes fondly, looking at Meg with mock-annoyance. "Now look what you've done." Although the idea of Dean sliding against a pole did have its appeal. Anna and Charlie nodded and announced the winner in unison, "Dean and Castiel." Meg scoffed, "They only won because they pulled out the whore card." Castiel grinned walking up to Meg, swaying his hips intentionally as he walked. "You're just jealous we're hotter than you," Castiel smirked.

Dean grinned and gave Castiel a celebratory kiss and then patted his ass as he walked away towards Meg. "Yeah, don't be a bad sport, Meg." Dean added with a smirk, putting his hands in his pockets and smiling triumphantly. "Maybe the judges were a little biased," Dean said, winking at Anna and Charlie. "Besides, Cas and me can't help it that we're hot."

Meg rolled her eyes, "Just make sure you bring the other Winchester, okay? Rehearsals start in ten minutes." Castiel nodded and went back to Dean, kissing him softly. "That was fun," he mused. He slipped his hand into Dean's and tugged on it lightly. "Come on, let's go rehearsals."

Dean looked at Meg in confusion when she told him to bring Sam, how did she know about that? He was starting to wonder if maybe something else was going on, but he had no idea what so he just shrugged and took his phone out of his pocket, and was relieved to see a message from Sam on the screen saying he'd be there.

When they got to rehearsals they saw Sammy standing awkwardly at the back of the hall and Castiel grinned, squeezing Dean's hand. "Sammy!" he exclaimed, not bothering to hide the grin on his face. He kissed Dean's cheek and told them both to take a seat and he ran off back stage behind the curtain with Meg.

Sam raised his eyebrows and looked startled at Castiel's excitement, and then Cas left them standing by the seats in confusion. They sat down, and Dean turned to Sam suspiciously. "Do you know what's going on?" He asked, and Sam shrugged and shook his head. "I have no idea," he muttered, looking around in confusion.

The curtains opened and the band began to play, a single spotlight fell over Ruby as she belted out the first note, staring purposefully at Sam. The music changed, kicking into gear and three pairs of dancers came out. One of which was Meg and Castiel. Ruby began to sing in with her stunningly powerful voice as the pairs of dancers did a form of upbeat tango behind her.

( watch?v=8x7Ta89QLo4I don't know I just want them to be together..)

Dean elbowed Sam knowingly as Ruby began sing, and he grinned when he saw her eyes were directly focused on his brother. Sam blushed and stared in shock, clearly amazed by Ruby's voice and her talents directed on him. Dean patted his brother on the shoulder happily, and then it was his turn to smile in amazement when Castiel came onstage with Meg and four other dancers, and he wondered when they'd decided to do this.

They got through the whole song and Ruby suddenly stood awkwardly, taking deep breaths as she looked shyly over at Sam, not knowing what to do with herself now that the song was over. Meg rolled her eyes and proclaimed, "Would you just ask her out already? All she does is talk about you and it's disrupting the flow of the show. She sang you a freakin' song what more do you want?!" Castiel rolled his eyes and gave Ruby an apologetic look, "She's just cranky, she lost a dance competition to me and Dean." Ruby seemed confused but shook it off, focusing on Sam's reaction. Castiel leant against Meg, worn out before rehearsals had even started.

Dean's eyes widened in excitement as he turned to look at Sam happily. "Well?" He asked him. Sam bit his lip and blushed deeply, looking from Ruby to Dean and back again before standing up and walking over to the edge of the stage and looking up at Ruby nervously. "The only reason I never asked you was because I thought you'd say no, because you're older than me and so much more popular and talented and I didn't think you'd ever go for a guy like me, so..." he cleared his throat and smiled shyly. "Okay. Ruby, will you be my girlfriend?" He asked, and Dean smiled proudly. "That's my boy," he said to Sam's back, but Sam ignored him and focused on Ruby's reaction.

Ruby blushed, a soft grin spreading across her face. "I think I'm going to be sick," Meg groaned. Castiel poked her in the ribs with his elbow. Ruby looked down at her shoes before looking down at Sam. She went down the stairs to get off the stage and speak to Sam face to face. "Yes," she smiled softly up at Sam. Meg sighed in relief. "About time," she muttered, walking off the stage. Castiel rolled his eyes and jumped off the stage to sit by Dean.

Sam grinned down at her and then hesitantly kissed her cheek, then straightened back up and blushed. "Sorry, I've wanted to do that for a while," he told her, and Dean rolled his eyes and turned to Cas. "Aren't they adorable?" he murmured sarcastically, resting his head on Castiel's and sighing dramatically as he laced their fingers together. "That was pretty cool, though. Interesting tactic." He kissed Castiel gently.

Castiel hummed, leaning into Dean. "It was either that or telling him to give her a rose on opening night but that would require more work and we thought Sam would probably chicken out or something. This way they get shoved right into what they both want." Ruby smiled, twirling her hair with her finger. "You wanna stay and watch rehearsals?" she asked excitedly.

Dean chuckled, "You're right, Sam's a chicken. He's been talking about her nonstop and I was practically begging him to ask her out because I honestly couldn't deal with the angsting anymore. Thank you." Sam grinned and nodded happily, excited to hear Ruby sing more. "I'd love that," he agreed, and the two of them stood there grinning widely at each other for a moment, before Sam asked, "Hey, do you wanna go out for dinner sometime?"

Castiel sighed, leaning against Dean and staring at their entwined hands. "Just wanted to see him happy." Ruby looked up at Sam with bright eyes, "That'd be great." She took his hand and led him over to where Dean and Castiel were sat. "Look after him boys, I need to sort out my costume fittings." She kissed Sam's cheek timidly before skipping back up behind stage.

"That was really nice of you guys," he told Cas softly, watching as Ruby led Sam over to join them, and Sam followed her with his eyes until she was out of sight backstage, and then a huge grin spread across his face and he sagged in amazed relief, turning to Cas and Dean with wide eyes. "Wow," he breathed, and Dean chuckled and ruffled his hair.

Castiel hummed, closing his eyes as he rested his head against Dean's shoulder. "Anything for family," Castiel murmured sleepily. Castiel smiled when he could hear Sam sit down, sounding a little taken back. "About time, Sammy," Castiel smirked. "Although I'm not sure how I feel about your girlfriend kissing my boyfriend."

Sam made a face and elbowed Dean. "Yeah, I'm not too happy with that either, Dean." He said, and Dean snorted and poked Castiel's cheek lightly. "Don't worry, I promise I won't use tongue," he teased. It was definitely going to be awkward kissing his brother's girlfriend, but it was only for the show. Sam glared at him half-heartedly and Dean stuck his tongue out.

Castiel rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. "Better not," he muttered. Castiel sat up and stretched his limbs as Mrs. Mills came in to practise the dance routines with them again. "Wish me luck," he mumbled, kissing Dean's temple as he stepped over the row of chairs in front of them to get to the stage where Meg was waiting impatiently for him.

"Who needs luck when you've got talent?" Dean murmured, leaning into Castiel's touch. Castiel climbed over the seats and Sam moved over to take the space Cas had just vacated. Dean winked at him and grinned knowingly. "That was pretty intense," he said to his little brother, and Sam blushed and tipped his head forward, hiding behind his overly long hair. Dean snorted and patted his shoulder firmly. "I'm happy for you, Sammy."

Castiel got up on stage and Mrs. Mills ran them through the dance routine with a lot more ease now that they'd had time to practise. Despite the routine being easy, Castiel still found himself sweating after the fourth run through. Meg smirked at him, "Looking good, Clarence. Who knew sweat could be so sexy." Castiel rolled his eyes, "Shut up." He jumped off the stage when Mrs. Mills said they were done for the day and went to go sit back down with Dean and Sam.

When Castiel jumped of the stage and went over to join him and Sam again, Dean whistled and fanned himself, enjoying the view. Cas looked like he'd just run a mile, or had sex, which definitely put some nice thoughts in Dean's mind. "You look hot," he said, then leaned closer and breathed, "Pun intended." Lame joke, but Dean couldn't resist. He kissed Castiel slowly, tasting the sweat on his lips and grinned. By all means, sweat should be disgusting but for some reason on Castiel it was fucking sexy. Sam made pretend gagging noises in the background and Dean just flipped him off.

Castiel blushed, dipping his head slightly away after Dean kissed him. "I'm just not used to such intense dancing sessions," he said in a light, breathy voice. He fiddled with the cuff of his sleeve, biting his lip. He could feel his energy draining after what was essentially a work out. This made it harder to keep up a positive attitude and he could feel it becoming more and more of a strain to push down his anxieties and grieves.

Miss Harvelle was waving Dean over and gesturing for him to go up to the stage and join Chuck and Ruby, and Dean reluctantly stood up. "You were awesome," he told Cas with a soft smile, stroking his sweaty hair back from his face. "I gotta go do stuff, don't faint or anything." He kissed Castiel quickly before he jogged up to the stage and climbed up without bothering to use the stairs. Miss Harvelle looked at her watch. "We're running out of time, but I think we have just enough time to run through 'Somewhere' twice, once for each Tony. Think you can handle that, Ruby?" Ruby nodded confidently, and Dean wished he could be that sure of himself. "Okay, let's have Chuck go first. You can use the script if you need to but we're really focusing on the emotions and movements now. Music!" She cued the music off stage, and the track began to play. The orchestra wasn't prepared yet, so for now they were just using a recording of the score. Dean stepped back to give Chuck and Ruby room, and he followed along as they began to sing.

Castiel watched with one eye as that idiot Chuck took to the stage with Ruby. Castiel sat next to Sam, leaning against his shoulder absolutely exhausted. With someone as tall as Sam how could he not be used as a pillow? He watched as Dean went through the song, shadowing Chuck on the sidelines.

Sam glanced down at Castiel in surprise as he leaned against him. It was unexpected but it made Sam happy. He'd never gotten along with any of Dean's girlfriends, and he pretty much hated every single one of them, but Castiel was different and Sam really liked him. "Comfy?" He asked with a little smirk. Dean glanced up at Castiel was smiled in amusement when he saw him leaning on Sam, and he was glad they were comfortable enough with each other for that. It was like Castiel had earned Sam's blessing, and it made Dean incredibly happy.

"Yes," Castiel said instantly with a small smirk. He was glad Sam didn't have a problem with this. He was really worn out and just needed something to lean against. He watched as it was Dean's turn to do the song and tried his best to keep his eyes open but found himself falling asleep. His face buried into Sam's plaid shit as he breathed softly against Sam's arm.

Sam watched happily as Ruby and Dean sang, but even though the kissing part was staged Sam still felt a little jealous. He hadn't even kissed Ruby yet, and here was Dean kissing her right in front of him. He knew it didn't mean anything, though, and he and Ruby would work up to that. The thought made him smile, and he turned to Cas beside him to see how he reacted when the song was over, but Castiel had fallen asleep. Sam chuckled quietly and adjusted his arm so it rested on the back of Castiel's chair and Cas would be more comfortable. Dean jumped off the stage and walked back over with an amused smile as he took in the adorable sight of Castiel sleeping on his brother's shoulder. "Aw, look at the little angel," Dean murmured with a smirk, kissing Castiel's forehead. "Wakey wakey, Cas. Was I really that boring?"

Castiel stirred, mewing softly as he wrinkled his nose to whoever was disturbing his sleep. He blinked a few times before looking up at Dean with big blue eyes. "Sorry," he apologized. "I'm just exhausted." He looked down at his sleeves, tugging them over his arms out of habit, making sure his arms were covered. He lifted his head from Sam's shoulder and ran a hand through his hair. He stood up awkwardly and laced his hand with Dean's briefly. "I'm gonna go, get some shut eye," Castiel said, biting his lip.

Dean's smile faded a little and he nodded in understanding. "Yeah, you look exhausted, babe." And they both knew it wasn't just because of the vigorous dancing. Sam stood up and stretched, looking at Castiel with mild concern when he turned away, and Dean and Sam shared a knowing look of concern when Castiel wasn't looking. The rest of the students were milling around and packing up their stuff to leave for the night, and Dean put an arm around both Castiel and Sam's shoulders, standing in the middle of his two favorite people in the world, and walked them out to the parking lot.

Once they got to the parking lot, Castiel hugged Sam quickly. "Thank you, Sammy," he whispered. He didn't say what for but he was just glad to have Sam being so supportive of him and Dean. He was like the brother he'd always wanted. Actually caring about his well-being and he was considerate enough to keep Jimmy's death a secret between them. He let go of Sam and wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, holding him close. "You still coming tomorrow, love?" he asked quietly, kissing his neck lazily.

Sam smiled reassuringly at Castiel as they pulled apart, and Dean couldn't be more glad that they were getting along so well. He didn't know what he'd do if the two most important people in his life hated each other. He smiled softly as Castiel held him close, and he wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist and closed his eyes. "Of course I'm coming," he murmured, kissing the shell of Castiel's ear. "Text me?"

Castiel nodded, squeezing Dean tightly before moving away and getting on his motorcycle. "See you guys later," he smiled half-heartedly, covering his mouth with the back of his hand as he yawned softly. He turned on the engine and nodded to both the Winchesters before riding off home.

Dean and Sam walked over to the Impala and got in after Cas rode away, and Dean began driving. Sam looked troubled, and Dean gave him a questioning glance. "Do you think he's gonna be okay? He seems a bit... off. I don't know, it's like he's not completely there, or something." Dean swallowed and thought for a moment before answering. "Well, his brother just died. It's kind of like he lost a part of himself, you know?" Sam looked at him and Dean looked back for a moment before turning his attention back to the road. They both knew they'd never be the same if they lost each other, so they could recognize Castiel's pain.

When Castiel got home he found a note on a dish of pasta from his mom saying she was staying in the city to catch up with work. Castiel took one look at the food and made a noise of distaste, dragging his feet up the stairs and to his room where he proceeded to flop down on the bed, exhausted and worn out. He fell asleep almost instantly, sighing at the comfort the bed brought.

Dean pulled into the driveway and the two of them went inside the house, immediately making their expressions go neutral and looking around to see if John was anywhere in sight. Luckily, he wasn't so Dean assumed he was in the garage working on an engine or something. Dean grabbed an apple and went upstairs to do some homework at his desk, and he fell asleep a little while later, still trying to catch up on all the sleep he'd missed due to stress.


	24. Chapter 24

Castiel woke the next morning to a wet pillow, his nose pressed against the soggy fabric as he found himself sobbing uncontrollably in his sleep. He opened his eyes, breaths coming in harshly as he struggled to breath without difficulty. Castiel had only just woken up and he was struggling to come to terms with what was happening. He grasped at the pillow desperately, swallowing a sob as he tried to regulate his breathing. He fumbled for his phone, calling Dean's number. He knew he'd said he'd try and be a bit more independent but he just couldn't do it. He needed his Dean.

Dean was jolted awake by his phone vibrating under his head, and he jerked his head up in confusion, heart pounding. He'd fallen asleep at his desk on top of a pile of homework which he'd luckily managed to finish, and he looked at the clock. It was four in the morning, and Castiel was calling him? He cleared his throat and rubbed his eyes before answering, now fully awake. "Cas?" He answered, voice rough from sleep. He froze when he heard Castiel sobbing on the other side. "Cas, what's happening? Are you okay?" He demanded anxiously, sitting up straight and tensing.

Castiel choked on a sob, lip quivering as he tried to speak but the words died on his tongue. He took a few breaths, drying his tears into the pillowcase. "D-Dean, he..he's..." Castiel sobbed openly, groaning and sniffing as he tried to calm his breathing to tell Dean what was wrong. "..he's out t-to get me, Dean."

"Breathe, Cas. Deep breaths." He tried to sooth, frowning deeply and biting his lip. "Who's out to get you?" He asked quietly, although he had a feeling he knew what Cas meant. Nightmares. About his dad. Or maybe about Lucifer, Dean wasn't sure, because Cas had so much trauma in his life that all of it might have just mixed together into something horrible.

Castiel did as instructed and took deep breaths, exhaling shakily down the phone. "Jimmy," Castiel managed to say before letting out a strangled sob. "H-He's catching up to me, Dean," Castiel whimpered, his throat feeling like glass. "I'm afraid..I might go with him." Castiel took deep breaths again. Jimmy had been speaking to him for days now, getting under his skin and dragging him into darker thoughts.

That was new. Dean rose to his feet, feeling sick, and clutched the phone tighter. "Cas, I'm coming over. Stay on the phone, okay? Don't you dare hang up." Dean carried the phone into the bathroom and quickly brushed his teeth, then ran down the stairs and outside. He didn't care if he woke up John or Sam, and he didn't care if Cas told him not to come, this was serious and Dean needed to be there for him, and he was really scared Cas was going to do something stupid. He needed to have some sense talked into him.

"I won't," he promised, swallowing a sob and trying to do his best to please Dean and stay with him. "I won't, baby, I promise." He really didn't want Dean to be upset with him but he wasn't strong enough to handle this alone. He felt guilty for being so dependant on Dean but he didn't know what else to do. He didn't trust himself enough to handle this on his own. He'd only do something stupid and Dean would hate him forever. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Dean.

"Okay, I'm on my way right now." Dean jumped into the car and peeled out of the driveway, speeding all the way to Castiel's house. It was still pretty dark out this early, and Dean was really risking it driving like this, especially with the phone in one hand. He listened to Castiel's shaky breathing and occasional sobs. "Hang on, Cas, I'm pulling into your driveway right now. Come let me in." Dean waited anxiously at the door, tapping his foot nervously and chewing his lip.

Castiel managed to pull himself away from his soggy pillow and practically fell to the floor when he tried to get out of bed. His limbs practically malfunctioning but he managed to stumble to his feet and tread down the stairs to open the door for Dean, phone still in his hand. He threw himself and Dean, wrapping his arms around his neck and sobbing into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, love," he cried, voice thick with emotion and his body trembling.

Dean pulled Castiel close and held him up as he trembled, placing his hand on the back of Castiel's head and cradling him gently. "Cas," Dean whispered brokenly, "Baby, don't apologize." He held Cas tightly for a moment before loosening his grip and backing away enough to meet his eyes. "Come on, let's go inside and talk." He kept his arm around Castiel's waist as he pocketed his phone and and led him back inside the house to sit on the couch.

Castiel let himself be manoeuvred to sit on the couch next to Dean. His body curling around his boyfriend so he sat in the corner of the couch with his feet laid against the other side of Dean so his knees drew up to rest on Dean's chest and his head resting on his shoulder. "I..just can't.." he tried to explain but his broken sobs failed him from being able to say what was wrong. "I don't..."

Castiel was clearly struggling to speak, so Dean hushed him and wrapped his arms around him. He felt so small in Dean's arms, all folded up like this and trembling, and Dean held him securely, trying to make him feel safe. "Shh..." he whispered, "It's okay, Cas. You don't have to tell me until you're ready. I've got you, you're safe." Dean rested his cheek against Castiel's forehead and rubbed soothing circles against the back of his neck and stroking his hair.

Castiel took deep breaths, trying to compose himself a little. "It's not.." he started, biting his lip with how much he hated himself at this moment. "It's not Jimmy," he whispered, clutching to Dean's shirt tightly. "It's..it's me. My subconscious is so fucking sick..I..it uses Jimmy as a way to get to me." He was too screwed up for words there wasn't a right way to tell Dean just how sorry he was. "I..I'm sorry," he said, almost inaudibly.

"Cas. Stop apologizing, seriously. You haven't done anything wrong, and I don't think any differently of you. I'm always going to love you no matter what, okay? Nothing can change that and you need to stop doubting yourself." He kissed Castiel's forehead and rubbed his arm up and down soothingly. "I know it's hard, baby, and I know you've been through a lot of shit. It's only normal that you feel like this, given everything that's happened." The last thing he wanted was for Castiel to feel the need to apologize to him for being messed up, but he was delusional if he thought he'd scare Dean away.

Castiel sniffed, looking up at Dean with big, tear filled eyes. "I-I love you so much," he whispered. Dean was still here for him after everything and Castiel's chest pooled with warmth at the thought of Dean loving him unconditionally. His tears subsided to a quiet sob as he pressed his lips firmly to Dean's, desperate for a connection to feel loved and warm again.

Dean closed his eyes and cupped Castiel's face gently with one hand as they kissed, tasting the tears on Castiel's lips, only this time the taste of salt made Dean want to cry instead. When the came apart, Dean rested his forehead against Castiel's and stroked his cheek gently. "How much does this happen?" He whispered, worried that Castiel was hiding things and it was actually worse than Dean thought.

Castiel bit his lip, dipping his head as he averted his gaze from Dean. "Everyday," he whispered. "It..it's never been this bad before though, I promise. U-Usually it's just me and Jimmy talking, in the hospital. Just like any other visit..but, tonight..I don't know what happened he just came at me. I could actually feel it. When he started cutting into me with his blade. So vivid..I just don't know what to do, Dean."

"Like... you feel like he's inside you? When you look in the mirror and see him, is that it?" Dean asked softly, trying to understand. It couldn't be easy looking exactly like your twin brother. "Or does he tell you to do things... like hurting yourself?" Dean was glad Castiel was at least willing to share this with him, but he wasn't sure how he'd be able to help. This was serious, and Dean was no psychiatrist, but he'd try to help in any way he could.

Castiel shook his head, "I-I can handle myself..the thing with the mirror..that..I think it was just grief." He closed his eyes, resting his head against Dean's shoulder and not looking at him. He must have sounded completely insane. "He just tells me to hurt myself..that I'm not worthy enough..so I know it's not Jimmy. He'd never want to hurt me like that. I-I've dealt with these dreams for long enough..it's just after Jimmy's death and him attacking me in my dreams..i-it's just a bit startling." Castiel hoped Dean wouldn't do what everyone else did and tell him to seek help. He didn't need help. He just needed a shoulder to cry on and somebody to love. How would talking to strangers about his deepest fears help anything when those closest to him couldn't even fix him.

Dean rested his hand on Castiel's waist and brought his other arm up to hug Castiel's knees to his chest. "I know people have probably told you this before, but he wouldn't want you to feel like this, Cas. I only knew him for a day but he really loved you, it was obvious. I'm here for you and I'm not judging you, you can tell me anything you want and I'm not leaving you, I promise."

Castiel shook his head and wiped his tears. "I'm okay. I-I just needed your comfort," he whispered, still sniffing a little. "A-And I don't know what I'd do without you, Dean. You're so perfect, putting up with my life and family. I-I just love you so much." He tucked his head to rest between his knees and under Dean's chin, wrapping his arms around Dean's middle.

Dean's heart trembled with a mixture of warmth, love, sadness, and fear as Castiel spoke and melted into him, and Dean rested his chin on the top of Castiel's head and hugged him closer, never wanting to let go. "Cas, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone." he murmured, "I didn't think it was possible for me to feel this way after my mom died. You're my life." Dean drew in a shaky breath and held Castiel tightly, closing his eyes.

Castiel let out a shaky breath, long and unsteady as he closed his eyes and imagined how much Dean was emoting right now. His mom wasn't something they'd really talked about and for Dean to mention her, must have taken a lot of guts. He carefully tilted his head up to kiss Dean passionately, slow and tender. His fingertips holding Dean's face like it was about to break. "And you're mine," he breathed, holding Dean close.

Dean moaned softly against Castiel's lips, close to tears, and he kissed him back just as gently, leaning into the touch and stroking his fingers over Castiel's jaw. "I know we've both got issues," Dean whispered, "And we're both pretty screwed up and broken, but I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. I want you to be the first thing I see in the morning when I wake up, and the last at night when I go to sleep. Every day." He kissed Castiel again, trying to show him just how much he was needed. "Cas, I don't think I can live without you."

Castiel took in Dean's features, moved by his declaration. He knew Dean loved him but to the extent Dean was describing came as a bit of a shock. He'd always assumed he loved Dean more than he loved him. That Castiel needed him more than Dean needed him. He kissed Dean passionately again, with a slight hint of desperation in his movements. Fingers carding through the other's hair gently to keep him close. His body pressed as close as possible to Dean's given their position. "I know I can't.." _live, in any meaning of the word. _"..without you," he whispered, voice trembling. The thought scared him a little but it was true. Without his Dean to stop him there was nothing holding him back. Dean was his reason to live. Take him away and he had nothing left. He'd be alone again. Castiel held Dean's face in his hands, pressing light kisses over his cheeks and nose where the freckles laid. "You're so beautiful, Dean," he breathed, kissing his jaw. "And funny." Another kiss to his chin. "And kind." He kissed his cheek. "And brave" Each kiss slow and tentative as Castiel worked over his face, praising the only thing good to have come of his life. He finally found Dean's lips, claiming them in a smooth, soft kiss. "And mine," he breathed, a faint, fond smile ghosting his lips. "My Dean. My love. My heart and soul," he voice whimpered on the last bit as fresh tears emerged. Only this time, he was crying for happiness and love.

Dean closed his eyes and breathed shakily as Castiel kissed his face, each touch meaningful and reverent. It was overwhelming, feeling this loved, and Dean trembled from it. He loved Castiel so much, and Dean honestly didn't know what he would do if they weren't together. He wanted Castiel to stay with him and not give in to the urges to hurt himself, because it would kill Dean as well. He couldn't imagine life without his boyfriend. As Castiel spoke, punctuating each word with a kiss to his face, Dean leaned into him and stroked his fingers through Castiel's soft black hair, tracing the outlines of his ears, his jaw, his neck. Dean was his, he belonged to Castiel. It was the most beautiful thing Dean had ever felt. "_Forever could never be long enough for me_,," he sang quietly, leaning his forehead against Castiel's. "._..to feel like I've had long enough with you. Forget the world now, we won't let them see. But there's one thing left to do._" Dean kissed Castiel gently, tears flowing freely. "N_ow that the weight has lifted, love has surely shifted my way. Marry me.._."

Castiel closed his eyes as Dean rested his forehead against his, quietly swallowing down his sobs as tears rolled freely down his cheeks. His hands cupping Dean's head gently. One against the back of his neck, at the base of the skull, his thumb rubbing absent circles at the skin that form his hairline. His other hand pressed softly against Dean's jaw, keeping him in place. He stayed like this as Dean sang to him and Castiel felt safe again. Dean in his arms and driving away his fears, his temptations. It made him realize how much he was willing to do just to stay with Dean. If that meant fighting back his demons, he'd do so. He wasn't going to leave Dean. Not now. Not ever.

Dean continued singing until he reached the end of the song, and he trailed off quietly. "Marry me," he breathed, asking for commitment and trust for the rest of their lives. Dean knew they were only in high school and they'd have plenty of opportunities to meet other people and fall in love, but Dean didn't want that. Castiel was the only one he wanted, and he was willing to commit the rest of his life to him and spend each day with him. Castiel was the love of his life. Dean wanted to fix him, make him feel safe and loved and protected, and help fight the darkness clouding his mind. They needed each other, and they both knew it.

Castiel gasped softly, breath shaky as he bit back another sob. He pulled back enough to look at Dean, the morning light hitting through the gaps in the curtains and onto Dean's face. His face glowing softly, the conture of his jaw and chin angular and his freckles seeping through the skin like blotches of watercolour paint. His green eyes gleaming brightly at Castiel, filled with love and sincerity. "Yes," he breathed with a disbelieving chuckled. He couldn't believe how serious Dean was about him, chaining himself to Castiel like this. Dedicating the rest of his life to him. He pressed his thumb to Dean's cheek, rubbing away his tears tenderly. "Of course, I'll marry you. You're my Dean, my soulmate."

Dean kissed Castiel passionately as if sealing the promise, and then he pulled away and tugged Castiel close in his arms and took a deep, shuddering breath. He pressed his face into Castiel's neck in inhaled his scent greedily, feeling dizzy and giddy with overwhelming love. His chest ached with the intensity of the emotions he was feeling, and he kissed Castiel's neck wherever he could reach. "God, I love you," he murmured breathlessly, circling his arms more firmly around Castiel and gathering him up to keep him close. "I love you so fucking much,"

Castiel clung to Dean desperately, trembling from the intensity of promising one another to each other. "I love you too, Dean," he whispered, tilting Dean's head up carefully to kiss him passionately. "We're gonna finish school, get married, find somewhere nice to live. Far away from here, from your dad, from mine, from everyone that's ever put us down. We'll be happy," he smiled dreamily, voice barely above a whisper in fear of breaking down into sobs again.

There was nothing Dean loved more than the feeling of Castiel's lips against his, their mouths pressed together desperately and passionately, Castiel's body warm and solid in his arms, his fingers touching Dean's face. Dean was addicted to him, and couldn't get enough. Life was miserable right now, except when they were with each other, because nobody understood. Love is love, and Dean wasn't sorry he'd fallen in love with Castiel. It was the best thing that had ever happened to him. "I can't wait to get out of this hellhole," Dean whispered, holding Castiel close and fisting his hands in his shirt.

"We could go live in New York. Get married, start our real lives," Castiel smiled softly, stroking Dean's hair as he pushed him back against the couch into another desperate kiss. "You could sing, and I could paint," he murmured between kisses. His legs tangled with Dean's as he lay above him, looking down into the other's eyes with deep love and admiration. "It'd be perfect," he said, a faint smile pressing at his lips as he leaned back down to kiss Dean slowly and passionately.

Dean smiled up at Castiel, eyes roaming over his face. In the dim morning light, Castiel's eyes looked so intense and blue and Dean was hypnotized. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," He told Cas, smile widening and blushing just slightly. "Too bad neither of us can get pregnant, because our kids would be fucking gorgeous." He grinned and rubbed his nose against Castiel's cheek.

Castiel chuckled at Dean's statement, curious that Dean would be acceptant to carry their hypothetical children. And he always wondered why Castiel thought he should wear the dress. He leaned into the kiss, humming in approval as he slid his tongue against Dean's before sucking on it roughly. "Would you want kids?" he asked curiously. He wasn't sure about himself yet but he was curious if Dean saw children in their future. A family to call their own.

Dean moaned into the kiss and his eyes fluttered closed, pulling Castiel down more firmly on top of him. He was breathless when they pulled apart, pupils blown and eyes wide with amazement and desire. He thought about Castiel's question for a moment. He personally didn't think he was responsible enough to have kids, but that could change and he might be ready when the time came. He smiled at the thought of him and Cas being dads. "I don't know," he admitted, "I think maybe I'd like to, someday." First, they needed to work out all their own personal problems and make sure they had a steady household. He giggled a little. "Cas, why are we even thinking about this? We need to get out of high school first!" He kissed Castiel again and then asked softly, "What about you?"

"I know," Castiel nodded timidly, blushing a little. He dipped his head to kiss the little bit of Dean's chest which was exposed from his shirt moving. "It's just nice to have something positive to cling to," he whispered. "Something to move towards." Castiel found himself smiling warmly at the thought of him and Dean having a family. Although he wouldn't trust himself to look after them. He could barely look after himself, but with time things could change. "I don't know, maybe," he shrugged. He kissed at Dean's lips again, dirty and desperate. "As long as I'm with you anything else is a bonus, love," he murmured, kissing him again.

Dean let out a surprised moan at Castiel's boldness, and he kissed him back just as desperately, dragging his teeth over Castiel's bottom lip and sucking on his tongue and lips, a needy mess of tongues and lips and teeth and uneven, ragged breathing. "Maybe we should start with a dog, then." Dean suggested breathlessly, "And see if we can deal with that first. Kids aren't much different, right?" He kissed Castiel again firmly, grinning against his lips.

Castiel whimpered, annoyed when Dean spoke as it meant the loss of contact. "I don't think Amber would be too pleased," he said breathlessly, pulling Dean back close and into another hot, desperate kiss. His fingers dragging over Dean's shirt and trying to pull it away but failing as he was too incised with Dean's lips to concentrate.

Dean whined when Castiel tugged at his shirt, and he wriggled around a little to get his arms out of the sleeves and pull it over his head, and then pulled Castiel's shirt clumsily while trying to keep kissing him at the same time, and he growled in frustration when Castiel's elbow got caught in his sleeve and gave up, settling for running his hands up Castiel's back and feeling his warm skin under his hands, their breathing loud in the early morning quiet. "Is your mom home?" Dean managed to ask. He didn't think the couch was the best place to do this, because Mrs. Novak could walk down at any time if she was here.

Castiel sat back reluctantly to pull his shirt off properly, discarding it to the floor and pressing back down on Dean, kissing him fiercely. He shook his head, "She's in the city. Won't be home 'til Thursday." He thread his fingers through Dean's hair, tugging at it lightly as he straddled his boyfriend's waist. "God, you're so beautiful," he breathed, kissing Dean deeply.

Dean's back arched as he pressed his body up against Castiel's, hands sliding down to rest on his boyfriend's waist and slip under the waistband of his pants, teasing at his hipbones as Dean rolled his hips against Castiel's, pulling Castiel's thighs up to bracket his hips, and Dean was glad Castiel was this flexible, because it was really damn sexy. "Oh, good." He gasped, "Leaves us lots of time to..." A hard kiss to Castiel's neck. "...fool around..." Dean trailed his teeth over Castiel's jaw. "...and have some fun."

Castiel moaned as Dean's hips scraped against his thighs. It was so hot Castiel had to take a minute to cool himself down. He cupped Dean's head as it came up to kiss and suck at his neck. Soft, desperate moans escaping his lips as he moved his neck to give Dean more access. "Dean.." he breathed, moving away a little so he could look at Dean. "I-I was going to wait until tonight but..I wanted.." Castiel blushed, dipping his head to the side to hide his face in Dean's shoulder for a moment. When he returned his gaze to Dean's green eyes, he looked down at him lovingly, caressing his cheek and pressing his lips tenderly to Dean's, still a little out of breath. "I want to make love to you," he breathed.

Dean's eyes widened at Castiel's words and he stared up at him breathlessly. "Cas," he murmured dazedly, "Yes. Yes, please." Dean would be lying if he said he hadn't been thinking about it, but he was nervous. His nerves didn't stop him from wanting it, though. It was Cas, though, and Dean had never trusted anyone more. "Let's try it. I want see what it feels like, you inside of me," he whispered, stroking Castiel's cheek and staring into his eyes earnestly. He had no idea what to expect, because he'd never even so much as watched gay porn, but he guessed he knew the general mechanics of it. And since gay guys had sex just as much as straight couples, Dean assumed it must feel good.

Castiel smiled, letting out a shaky breath. He was really nervous but he wanted to take that step with Dean. Show him how much he adored him. To worship his body and make him feel loved. He laced his hand with Dean's and slowly turned his hips to swivel his leg over Dean so he could stand off the couch. "Bedroom will be more comfortable," he whispered, tugging gently on Dean's hand to follow him. Once they'd managed to get to hid bedroom after stopping to kiss several times, Castiel leant Dean down carefully on the bed. He kissed him tenderly, as he ran his hands down Dean's bare chest. Soft, tender touches as he wanted to make Dean feel good.

Dean was already half-hard by the time he laid on Castiel's bed, trembling with anticipation under Castiel and clutching at him desperately, mapping out every line of his body with his hands and kissing his lips. His hands wandered low on Castiel's body and fumbled with the button on his jeans. Dean moaned softly as Castiel's hands trailed over his skin. Dean found himself relaxing and getting more and more comfortable and pliant the longer they kissed.

Castiel took his time, marking his boyfriend's body. He knew it would hurt at first and he wanted Dean to enjoy it was much as possible, causing as little pain as he could. He slipped out of his jeans and started working on Dean's, kissing down his torso as he did so. His lips trailing kissed down the other's leg as he pulled down his pants. His fingertips dipped under the waistband of Dean's boxers as he kissed his way back up Dean's body a little. His hand pushing Dean's legs apart so he could sit between them and sucked on the inside of his thigh, fingers trailing down to start stroking Dean's through the fabric of his pants. The soft skin against Castiel's tongue causing him to shiver and moan softly, arousal pooling in the bottom of his stomach.

A strangled moan escaped Dean's throat as Castiel began touching him through his boxers and moved his mouth against the inside of his thigh, hot and wet and perfect, and Castiel's hair tickled his skin as he moved between his legs. Dean arched off the bed and writhed desperately under Castiel, hands everywhere and eventually coming to rest in Castiel's hair. Dean was getting really desperate. "Cas, I need you," He growled breathlessly, pulling Castiel up to kiss him roughly.

Castiel smirked into the kiss, glad to see Dean looking like this. A light sheen of sweat forming against his forehead as he tangled himself a little in the sheets. Castiel pulled down both their boxers as they kissed, throwing them away as quickly as possible. His hand sliding up and down Dean's side. He pulled away just enough to reach out for his dressing table, finding a bottle of lube. He coated his fingers with it before moving his hand lower. "Répandre pour moi," he purred with a low voice, kissing Dean roughly as he moved his Dean's further apart. His fingers lowered to Dean's entrance, hesitating and looking over at Dean. "It might hurt," he warned softly, pushing one finger in just slightly to test Dean's reaction.

Dean automatically tensed when Castiel pushed a finger into him. It didn't feel particularly good, but it wasn't horrible. Just... strange. He breathed out slowly and tried to relax his muscles around Castiel's finger, and he held still for a moment, trying to get used to the feeling of Castiel's finger in him. He knew this was how it was supposed to work, but Dean couldn't help but giggle like a five-year old. "Cas, you have your finger up my butt." He guessed immaturity was his way of dealing with nerves. He gasped when Castiel's finger moved a little, but didn't tense much more, so he nodded. "Okay," he said breathlessly, "I'm good."

Castiel chuckled breathlessly. He should have guessed that Dean would come out with something like that. He waited until Dean had adjusted to the feeling, kissing him intensely before adding a second finger slowly. He kept kissing Dean, hoping to make the pain go away as he moved his fingers inside Dean. Scissoring his fingers experimentally. He'd never done this before but he'd watched enough pornos to sort of know what he was doing. He kept kissing Dean and murmuring to him reassuringly. "It's okay, baby. I got you."

Dean bit his lip and concentrated on breathing. The feeling wasn't exactly pleasant, but Dean didn't want to give up. He felt his muscles relaxing around Castiel's fingers, but when they moved he whined slightly at the strange feeling. Castiel opening him up a little would make it easier, and he seemed to kind of know what he was doing. Dean trusted him, and he opened his legs more to make it easier for Castiel to reach. His kisses were reassuring, and Dean kissed him back clumsily, focusing on something else other than the discomfort. Suddenly, Castiel's finger brushed against something inside him and his eyes snapped open as a surge of arousal shot through him, and he arched off the bed in surprise. "Whoa," he exclaimed, "Right there. Whatever you did, do it again!"

Castiel pressed his fingers back against where they just were, watching as Dean seemed to begin to enjoy himself. His other hand stroked absently at Dean's hair as he kissed him passionately, still stroking experimentally inside of him. He wondered what it felt like but concentrated on Dean for now. Making sure that he didn't hurt him too much. He pressed in a third finger slowly, teasing Dean's nipple with his tongue as he tried to distract Dean from the discomfort.

With each stroke of Castiel's fingers inside him, Dean became more and more aroused. Castiel kept hitting that spot perfectly, and Dean was seeing stars. And this wasn't even it yet. Dean grinned dazedly and his eyes fluttered closed, mouth falling open in lust and desperation as he kissed Castiel clumsily and tugged his hair. Dean realized that he was pushing against Castiel's hand as he moved, even when a third finger was added, and he gasped when Castiel's tongue swirled over his nipple. He was ready. "You gonna do it or not, Cas?" He muttered breathlessly.

Castiel smiled a little, kissing Dean's jaw as he removed his fingers carefully. He leaned over him to grab a condom and the lube. He slid the condom on himself, slicking his cock with enough lube and biting his lip as he looked uncertainly at Dean. He wanted this. More than anything. He just didn't want to hurt him. He wanted to do this but he was a bundle of nerves. He didn't want Dean to reject him. Didn't think he could handle it but he didn't want to harm him either. He shakily placed his hand on Dean's hips, kissing him deeply as he entered him slowly, groaning into Dean's mouth. "Oh God," he breathed, the new feeling so much more intense than anything they'd done before.

Dean cried out at the initial discomfort when Castiel slid into him for the first time, and it was possibly the strangest thing Dean had ever felt. He shuddered in need when Castiel went a little deeper and dug his fingernails into his shoulders, trying not to panic. This was completely overwhelming, something they'd never done before, and it was exciting and terrifying at the same time. He relaxed a little when Castiel stopped moving and held still for a moment, and he looked up to meet his eyes in amazement. "Cas," he breathed, "You're inside of me." This was as close as they could possibly get, and it was amazing.

Castiel stopped for a moment, watching Dean's reaction to see if he was hurting. Dean was trusting him with something so intimate and fragile and Castiel needed to stay strong and focused. "Yeah," he said, a small faint smile tracing his lips as he bent down to kiss Dean tenderly. "Is this okay, love? I'm not hurting you am I?" he asked anxiously, rubbing his hand down Dean's side slowly as if to sooth him, draining any tension from his body to get him to relax.

Dean nodded and kissed Castiel back. This was the deepest, most physical connection they could possibly have, and this wasn't even the best of it. Dean grinned breathlessly in anticipation and put his hands on Castiel's hips, leaning up slightly to bite at his ear. "I'm fine. Now, are you going to fuck me or not?" He growled in a rough, needy voice. He needed Castiel to move. He rolled his hips experimentally, twisting just enough to hit that spot inside him again, and he gasped at the feeling.

Castiel groaned as Dean spoke, his voice ragged and pleading for him. Castiel had never felt so turned on. He pushed forward, thrusting deeper into Dean as he rolled his hips. He moaned loudly, pressing his forehead against Dean's shoulder as he continued to move his hips in slow, hard thrusts. "Dean," he panted, kissing his boyfriend where he could reach. "...s-so tight," he breathed, his tongue flattening over one of his nipples before playing with it gently between his teeth.

"Jesus, Cas!" Dean cried out in a rough voice, throwing his head back and moaning loudly at the overwhelmingly awesome feeling of Castiel thrusting into him. Castiel's pace was torturously slow and he thrust deeply into Dean, and Dean fell into rhythm with him and pushed back against Castiel, and Dean knew this wasn't going to last long. He was already almost over the edge, which was pretty disappointing but it was only their first time doing this. This was the hottest, most intense thing he'd ever felt, and he wanted it to last longer, but Castiel's body was driving him insane. "Cas," he whined, the feeling too much and not enough at the same time. His hands wandered down over Castiel's sweat-slick skin to grip his ass, and he swiped his tongue in the sweat at Castiel's neck, his scent filling the air and making Dean feel drunk with desire. "Fuck, you're amazing," he groaned, "Holy fuck! Don't stop, baby, right there." Dean realized he sounded like a total whore, but whatever. "Yes! Right there. God, I love you so fucking much,"

Castiel's hands were on either side of Dean, pressed flat against the mattress so he could steady himself as he fucked his boyfriend with long steady thrusts, pulling out almost entirely just to slam back into him. The feeling was incredible and Castiel was having a hard time concentrating. He wanted this to last but the way Dean was lying beneath him, a sweaty, quivering mess, pleading up at him for more, Castiel wasn't sure he could take much more as he could feel himself almost there. He groaned helplessly as Dean gripped at his ass and pulled him closer. Castiel's thrusts becoming more desperate and rough as he found himself close to the edge. Castiel's mouth found the shell of Dean's ear, pressing against it as he breathed, worshipping Dean in French. "Tu es incroyable, Dean. Alors putain parfaite." He moaned softly, nipping at Dean's earlobe. "You like that, darlin'?" Castiel growled, voice rough and thick with arousal. "Like it when I fuck you like this?" Castiel had never felt so in control. Being the dominant one as Dean just lay back looking up at him with big, trusting eyes. He had a chance to feel strong for once, like he wasn't just a waste of space. Dean wanted him and Castiel had never felt more aroused by that fact. Castiel moaned breathlessly, sucking on Dean's earlobe. His hand slipped down between them, taking Dean in his hand and pumping to match the rhythm of his thrusts.

(Translations: You're amazing, Dean. So fucking perfect...)

Dean was surprised at how much he liked being controlled by Castiel, how much it turned him on, and Castiel was fucking him like a goddamn pornstar. Dean was falling apart, a total mess, muttering incoherent words and mouthing against Castiel's skin, hands trying to touch everywhere at once, legs wrapping around Castiel's waist to pull him closer and make him move faster. His rhythm became sloppy and everything Castiel did made him more and more desperate, and he moaned loudly into Castiel's mouth, finding his lips again and biting down on Castiel's lower lip. He wanted to look at Cas, wanted to touch him, wanted to kiss him and taste him, but he couldn't do all of those things at the same time so he settled for alternating between them. Everything was perfect; Castiel's body, his movements, the taste of his mouth, the heat of his skin, the trembling exhaustion of his muscles, his scent, everything, and Dean couldn't get enough of it. "God,_yes,"_Dean groaned breathlessly, Castiel's voice making him shudder with need, even as he was being fucked into the mattress. "Please," he whined, "Cas," Dean lost all ability to speak when Castiel's hand reached between them and began jerking him off, and Castiel's mouth was hot and wet around his earlobe. It only lasted another moment before Dean threw his head back, eyes fluttering closed and a silent scream forming on his lips as he gasped and shook through the most intense orgasm he'd ever had, the force of it stunning him.

Castiel watched as Dean moaned, spread beneath him. Sweat glistening across his sun-kissed skin, freckles seeping through his cheeks like splotches of paint. His lips apart as he gasped suddenly, concealing his stunning green eyes behind his lids as he filled them room with desperate moans. Castiel had never seen anything so beautiful, and it was because of him. He'd made Dean like this. The thought sending him over the edge as he rode out his orgasm, still thrusting into Dean as he gasped out what sounded like his boyfriend's name. His arms weak, no longer able to keep him steady, he collapsed on Dean's chest. His breathing heavy and laboured as he tried get his barrings. He managed to pull out of Dean carefully, discarding of the condom and cleaning them up as best as he could before lying next to Dean and wrapping him in his arms, his body still trembling from the shock and aftermath. "A-Are you okay, love?" he breathed, gathering enough energy to look over at Dean, a breathless grin spreading across his face.

Dean's breath slowly returned to normal but his heart fluttered unsteadily, his entire body feeling deliciously warm and loose. He closed his eyes and smiled against Castiel's neck, holding him close with shaky, exhausted arms and he wrapped his legs around him so they could settle into a more comfortable position together. It was getting lighter out and Dean had no idea what time it was but he didn't care, instead nestling closer to Cas even though their bodies were both uncomfortably hot and sweaty. Dean took a deep breath and sighed happily, looking into Castiel's eyes. "Never been better," he said with a wide grin, eyes flitting adoringly over Castiel's face. "We just had sex," he breathed in amazement, pressing his nose against Castiel's cheek and closing his eyes again as he pulled Cas even closer, loving the feeling of Castiel's arms around him. "I feel like... gold." He said lamely, unable to think of another word to describe how he was feeling. It was so amazingly perfect that he couldn't even put it in words, but everything just felt and looked like warm, golden, heavenly love. He giggled helplessly and buried his face in Castiel's neck, kissing the warm, delicate skin there and feeling Castiel's pulse against his lips.

Castiel grinned, chuckling warmly as he basked in the afterglow. He'd just had sex with Dean. The guy who, two months ago helped his friends to push Castiel into lockers and torment and bully him. Now he was worshipping him like he was the greatest discovery on the planet. Castiel couldn't believe how much had changed for them. He'd watched a lot of movies on how people could fall in love in just a week. Castiel had never understood the logistics of it before but now he understood more than ever and Castiel was proud to consider himself one of the lucky ones who found the man he would spend the rest of his life with this early on. They were both still young and had eternity to explore one another, the world and themselves. His hand carded into Dean's hair, cradling his head as he kept him close, looking at him like he were the most precious thing on Earth. "I love you so much, darlin'," Castiel whispered, stroking the back of his hand over Dean's cheek, watching as the freckles differed in colour depending on the light and the sweat glistening across the bridge of Dean's nose.

Nobody made Dean feel as important as Cas did, and he smiled shyly under Castiel's intense gaze darting over his face. He'd never been loved like this and it made his heart melt. "You're so beautiful, babe." He breathed, staring into Castiel's impossibly blue eyes so close to his own. "In every sense of the word. I love you more than I know how to tell you." He kissed Castiel, slow and sweet. Dean closed his eyes and smiled softly. "That was seriously the most amazing moment of my life and I want to do it again and again."

Castiel felt like he was on the verge of tears. The amount of love Dean was willing to give him made his heart feel like it was going to burst out his chest. He smiled breathlessly, kissing Dean's forehead as he cradled his head carefully. "I promise I'll spend every waking second to making you feel this happy every single day," Castiel vowed. "I'm so glad you let me share this with you, Dean. You were my first..and I don't think I could imagine it being..or ever being anyone else."

Dean bit his lip emotionally at Castiel's promise, because it really should have been the other way around. Dean didn't care about himself as long as Castiel was happy and safe. It stunned him a little when he realized that he'd give up anything for Cas, and wasn't that what love was? To willingly make sacrifices for your lover? He smiled in realization and hugged Cas closer. He knew it probably wasn't easy for Castiel to give up his virginity, but the fact that Castiel had trusted Dean with himself was the most beautiful thing Dean had ever experienced. "I'm glad you shared it with me," He whispered, "Cas, you know I'd do anything for you, right? I love you so much."

"I know, I love you too," he whispered, playing absently with Dean's hair. His breathing was back to normal and was warm and content to lay there in Dean's arms. He was silent for a very long time, just pressing light touches to Dean's hair and face, until he finally spoke. "Paris, I think that was the last time I ever felt this happy..or even close to...I was ten. My grande-mere lived in this apartment that overlooked the city. One night I went up into the attic, watching the sunset. The red sky silhouetting the Eiffel was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen," Castiel mused, his voice soft and dream-like.

Dean smiled softly and closed his eyes as he listened to Castiel's voice quietly describing Paris, said to be the most romantic city of all. Dean had never even been out of the country, and he realized there was so much to do still in life, so many ways to live and new things to experience, and he wanted to do them all with Cas. It was breathtaking to know that Dean had just made Castiel happier than he'd felt in almost eight years, but it was also sad. Castiel's life had lacked happiness for so long, and Dean had given him the love and warmth that he'd been craving. "Paris." Dean breathed thoughtfully. "Let's go there, Cas."

Castiel grinned, kissing Dean's forehead. "It's still in my grande-mere's name," Castiel mentioned. "She left it to my mom in the will. Maybe we could go there over the summer? Just for a weekend or something. It'd be amazing. France is amazing. You'll love it." Castiel held Dean close as he imagined them there together. Dean's accent might need some work but it would be amazing.

"Maybe it'll help my horrendous French. You know, force me to learn the language." Dean teased gently, rubbing his nose against Castiel's jaw. "I was thinking maybe someday we could take a trip, once we've settled down and have enough money." He smiled against Castiel's cheek and pressed his lips there in a tender kiss. "We can rent a hotel room, one of those fancy honeymoon suites, rose petals and candles and everything. We could go to a romantic restaurant and order expensive wine and then dance in the moonlight..." It all sounded a bit cliche but Dean couldn't stop smiling dreamily at the idea of it.

"Your French isn't that bad, Dean. You just need some practise," he said softly, leaning his cheek against Dean's temple. "That sounds romantic," Castiel cooed. He held Dean close and sighed, watching as the sunlight sprayed in through the curtains. "We'll have to be at school soon," he sighed, holding Dean tightly. "Can't believe the play starts this weekend. It's so bizzare."

Dean groaned and looked at the clock. It was getting pretty late but he only held onto Castiel tighter and closed his eyes again. "Ugh, school." Dean muttered, nestling his face into Castiel's neck. "I'm not ready for the play yet but at least I have another week." He grinned and kissed Castiel's chin. "You'll be awesome, I know it. I'll be sitting in the front row with a huge, cheesy bouquet of flowers and after the play I'm gonna run up to you and kiss you and throw the flowers at you and hug you until you can't breathe."

Castiel hummed, "That's calmed my nerves at least." He giggled a bit at the thought of Dean dressed up all smart, holding a rose and telling people around him proudly that that's his boyfriend up on stage. He was a bit nervous to be doing the first two shows without his lover by his side. He hadn't done anything this nerving without Dean before. He wasn't sure he'd be able to do it. He bit his lip, snuggling up closer to Dean. "Dean..are you my fiancée " he asked curiously. He'd agreed to marry Dean but they didn't have a ring or anything so he wasn't sure if it was still official.

Dean opened his eyes and looked over at Castiel thoughtfully. "If you want me to be, then I am." Dean said quietly, tracing Castiel's cheek with his fingertips. It felt strange, knowing who he wanted to marry while they were only in high school and had only been together for just over a month. Part of Dean wondered if they were moving too fast and making unplanned decisions, because they were only teenagers and their judgement wasn't the best, and anything could change in the near future, but Dean hated the idea of meeting someone else and marrying them. He only wanted Cas, and he'd never stop loving him. They were both broken and damaged and somehow they'd managed to put each other back together and become whole again, and their souls were so deeply intertwined together that Dean didn't think he'd survive on his own if they were ever separated. "I love you, and I want to marry you." Dean said confidently. "I'd always choose you."

Castiel smiled warmly, kissing Dean soft and slowly. "Then you're my fiancée," he decided with a whisper. They'd keep it between themselves, obviously but the thought excited Castiel that he would be with Dean for as long as he would have him. He loved Dean with all of his heart and was willing to do anything to keep him. He played with Dean's hair softly, sighing with content. "We should be going soon," he said reluctantly, looking at the time on the clock. They had half an hour until school started but Castiel really didn't want to get up.

"Yeah," Dean agreed reluctantly, pressing one last kiss to Castiel's lips before slowly extricating himself from Castiel's grasp. He'd come over here at four in the morning to Castiel sobbing hysterically and ready to give up, but now the boy lying on the bed with Dean was a completely different person. He smiled down at him softly and pressed a kiss to Castiel's chest right over his heart, immensely relieved and grateful that he could feel the reassuring, steady thud of it under his lips. "Let's go get cleaned up," Dean said, standing up off the bed and wincing in pain when he moved. "Dude, I'm not gonna be able to sit for a week." He groaned.

Castiel stood up with Dean, kissing his hand as he laced their fingers together. "I'm sorry, love," he said sincerely as they walked into the bathroom. "I didn't mean to hurt you," he whispered, turning on the water for the shower. Dean had seemed to enjoy himself, he felt bad that he hadn't been a bit gentler towards the end. He'd gotten caught up in his own desires he hadn't taken Dean into consideration. He'd been selfish and guilt clouded his mind. He pressed a kiss to Dean's temple, stepping into the shower.

Dean grinned against Castiel's lips as he stepped into the shower with Cas and pulled the curtain closed behind them, and he moaned in relief at the warm water. "Cas, it's okay. This pain is nothing compared to the intensely amazing feeling of you fucking me." He kissed Castiel again and moved closer to him, crowding him against the tile wall while running his hands through Castiel's now-wet hair. "It was definitely worth it. Besides, no pain, no gain, right?" He purred, massaging shampoo through Castiel's hair.

Castiel grinned, seeing Dean's point and closing his eyes as he leant into Dean's gentle touch. He took the soap and lavished Dean's skin with it, washing away the sweat. "We should probably hurry this up if we're gonna get to school on time," Castiel chuckled, realizing how he could probably spend all day in the shower if Dean was with him. He started washing himself as well as Dean, trying to move things along.

Dean rolled his eyes fondly and chuckled, kissing Castiel's wet lips and skimming his hands down Castiel's body before backing away a little. "You're right," he agreed reluctantly, smiling apologetically. If Dean had his way, they'd spend much longer than necessary in the shower and be late for school, and they were already running out of time. He quickly scrubbed himself down with soap and rinsed.

Castiel smiled, leaning forward to kiss Dean gently before returning to showering without Dean practically jumping him. Once clean, he stepped out of the shower and dried off, walking into his room to find some clothes. He smirked at the idea of Dean wearing his clothes again. He looked so good in them and it put Castiel in a good mood no doubt. He changed into a pair of skinny black jeans and a dark blue plaid shirt. He threw some clothes at Dean with a small smirk. "You'll look good in these, love."

"If you say so," Dean said, catching the clothes with a grin. He loved the idea of wearing Castiel's clothes, and Castiel seemed to like it too if his expression was anything to go by. Meanwhile, Castiel was looking stunning in blue plaid that matched his eyes and black skinny jeans. Dean looked at him and hummed in approval, eyes raking up and down Castiel's body, and he slipped into a pair of Castiel's boxers and put on the clothes, turning to Cas questioningly. "What do you think?" He said with a little smile.

Castiel looked Dean up and down, his jaw almost hitting the floor. "I think a certain little whore is looking for another ride," Castiel purred, pressing up against Dean as he laced his fingers into Dean's hair and pulled him roughly into a searing kiss. "You're so pretty," Castiel grinned, pulling away and grabbing his leather jacket. "You comin' on the bike?" Castiel asked.

Dean grinned and laughed into Castiel's mouth, kissing him back just as hard. He was wearing a black tee shirt and grey skinny jeans with designer rips and frays on the legs. "Tempting as that sounds, we really need to get to school." Dean growled, and smiled as Cas pulled back and he straightened his hair with his fingers. "Hell yeah."

Castiel pouted, giving Dean his puppy eyes. "Fine," he sighed. He took Dean's hand and took him down to the garage where his bike was. He gave Dean a helmet and put his own on, straddling the motorcycle and starting her up. He grinned at Dean, adrenaline still pumping through his veins after what they'd done earlier.

Dean took a moment to simply look at Cas and appreciate the view. He looked incredibly sexy on the motorcycle, and Dean took his phone out of his pocket and snapped a picture. "For future reference," he explained with a wink, and then slid onto the bike behind Cas, scooting close behind him and wrapping his arms around Castiel's waist. This time, there were no bruises to be careful of and Dean could touch Cas as much as he wanted without being too distracting. He rested his chin on Castiel's shoulder and kissed his cheek, holding the phone out in front of them to take another picture. He showed the picture to Cas and smiled softly. "You like it?"

Castiel watched as Dean took photos and he tried his best not to look petrified. He wasn't used to people taking his photo. It felt weird that anyone would want to capture his image for anything that was purely for the purposes of proof of identification. He looked at the photo on the screen, staring in awe. He couldn't believe the person he was looking at next to Dean was him. For the first time in his life, there was a moment that was purely him. No hiding inside himself, no bruises or hint of fear. He looked loved and happy. And for once, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't see Jimmy. It was just him and Dean and that made Castiel shed a tear. "I love it," he smiled, tracing his finger over the screen.

Dean smiled at him lovingly and kissed his cheek again, resting his chin on Castiel's shoulder to admire the picture of them. They both looked so happy and bright and young, as if sunshine was pouring out from within them. He realized that this was the first picture of them together that they had, and he wanted to take more so that in the future they would always remember these days. He would do that another time, though, because right now they had to get to school. He felt a tear drip onto his cheek and he turned to Cas, placing his lips against his ear. "Good," he murmured, "I love it too." He pocketed the phone and tightened his grip on Castiel's waist. "Ride like the wind!" He exclaimed dramatically, pointing one hand forward out the garage door even though they hadn't moved yet.

Castiel wiped his cheek, free from tears and leaned back against Dean slightly, chuckling at Dean's dramatics. He rode out the driveway and towards the school, with the wind in his hair and his boyfriend wrapped around his waist. He felt on top of the world. The only thing that could make this better was if they were riding through the streets of Paris. On the way back from the market with fresh bread and wine. Castiel hummed and parked up in the parking lot. A lot of people could see them together and Castiel found that he couldn't stop smiling.

Dean smiled widely the entire ride to school, loving the feel of the wind against his face and drying his hair and Castiel warm in his arms, the steady rumble of the motorcycle under them and the smell of gasoline and Castiel's shampoo. They arrived at school later than they usually did, driving right through the crowded parking lot, and Dean grinned into Castiel's shoulder as they pulled into the parking space. He hopped off and stepped back a little to give Cas room to get off, and then he removed his helmet and ran a hand through his hair to fix it.

Castiel took of his helmet, mimicking Dean and trying to fix his own hair. He placed his helmet under his arm and used his other to scoop around Dean's waist and draw him close. "I'm not a virgin," he whispered, giddy and giggling. It still felt weird that. Castiel had always thought he'd save himself for someone he truly loved and not rush into anything but here he was sleeping with his bully from two months ago. It was insane.

"And I'm gonna be walking funny all day," Dean replied in a low voice, leaning into Castiel's warmth as arms hooked around his waist. Dean reached up and grabbed the front of Castiel's hair, twirling it around his finger and causing it to curl down over his forehead the way he liked it. "There," he said in satisfaction. "You look absolutely fuckable." He looped his arm around Castiel's waist and walked them towards the school, trying to hide his slight limp. It made him ridiculously happy and giddy; his body belonged to Cas.

Castiel gave a sympathetic look, he wished he could take away Dean's discomfort. He knew Dean said he was okay with it because of what it led to but he still felt bad. He walked with Dean, keeping him close and kissing his cheek. "I'm sorry, love." He bit his lip, looking down at the floor as they walked through the hallway, people looking at them and Castiel felt as if they knew. He had always been a bit paranoid but this is something he'd shared with Dean. Something beautiful and intimate he didn't want that to be degraded to just cheap gossip.

"Don't be," Dean replied quietly, rubbing his hand up and down Castiel's back reassuringly, "I'm sore now, but I guess that means I just have to get used to it, right?" He grinned suggestively at Cas and squeezed his hip, letting his hand rest there casually as they walked along. Dean watched Castiel's profile, noticing how shy Castiel looked and Dean tugged him closer. "What's wrong, babe?" He murmured, and then he noticed the faint love bite on Castiel's neck, and he giggled in realization. "Uh, Cas... you've got a little..." he pointed subtly to the same spot on his own neck. "It's not that bad," he said, so Cas wouldn't panic. "And nobody's gonna know unless we tell them." Dean really hoped they weren't too obvious. Most of the time, guys bragged to their friends about their sexual experiences but Dean didn't want to do that. Not that he wanted to keep it a secret, but he didn't want everybody knowing all the dirty details of his love life; that was something for him and Cas to share that was all theirs.

Castiel watched as Dean indicated to his neck and he looked down at his own, blushing deeply. He could feel everyone staring at him. It was really embarrassing. He didn't want to be the talk of the school. He was already getting enough attention by being undiscovered talent in the play, not to mention coming out by dating his ex-bully. He didn't need this on top of things. Way to stir the pot. Castiel stopped, taking the helmet from Dean and balancing the two under his arm. "I should be getting to class," he mumbled, kissing Dean's cheek before heading off towards his lockers. He couldn't stand everyone looking at him and just needed to get away for a moment.

"Cas, wait." Dean knew that when Cas ran away he didn't like to be followed, but he couldn't let Cas leave like this. He turned around and followed him down the hallway, falling into step beside him and then steering them into the bathroom which was thankfully empty. He turned Cas around to face him and looked into his eyes with concern. "Cas, are you okay?" He murmured carefully, wishing he could see what was going through Castiel's mind right now. Was he having regrets about what they did? Or was it something else?

Castiel jumped a little when Dean steered him into the bathroom. Despite it being a habit, he would never get used to Dean following him when he clearly wanted to be left alone. "I'm fine," he said quietly, avoiding the slight echo the bathroom gave off as much as he could. "I'm just being paranoid, that's all," he shrugged, doing his best to smile as he kept looking at the floor and clinging to Dean's pinkie finger with his. "I just need some breathing space." Castiel soon came out the bathroom and continued to his locker, placing the helmets inside and taking a deep breath as he closed the door carefully.

Dean backed away a little when he realized he was being too clingy, and he nodded apologetically. "Sorry," he muttered, stepping back to let Castiel pass him and leave the bathroom. After they'd just had sex, there was nothing Dean wanted to do more than stay beside Castiel, touch him and kiss him as much as possible, and it never occurred to him that Cas might not want the same. Castiel had never had any of this before, and it must be pretty overwhelming. Dean didn't want to draw any more unwanted attention to Castiel, so he'd give him his space. It hurt a little, but Dean could understand. He leaned on the sink in the now empty bathroom and gazed at his own reflection in the mirror absently.

Castiel leant his forehead against his locker door, sighing as the cool metal soothed his forehead which felt like it was on fire. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. He could feel people watching him as they passed in the hall and Castiel felt sick. He just wanted Dean. None of the additional attention, just Dean. He pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily before making his way to French. He hadn't been in a while and he wasn't in the mood for art. He'd done nothing but art for the last two weeks. He needed something structured to keep his mind focussed.

When the warning bell rang and the hallways started to clear, Dean took a deep breath and left the bathroom, still feeling a little uneasy and troubled. He headed up the stairs to his French room and walked into the class, but he was surprised to see Cas in there as well. He hadn't been in French in ages, and he was sitting in his normal seat behind Dean's desk. Dean walked over and sat down in his chair, turning slightly to look over his shoulder at Cas with a small, uncertain smile. "Hey. I thought you'd be in art." he said quietly.

Castiel was playing with the corners of a well-worn out French novel when Dean stepped into the room and sat in front of him. His heart sank a little when he saw the look on Dean's face. Earlier they'd been sharing passionate acts of intimacy and now Dean was acting like he didn't know how to be around him and it was all his fault. If only he had the ability to be braver, not care what people thought. He wouldn't be sat here now with a Dean who was honestly frightening him a little bit. "Got a bit bored of painting cardboard all day," Castiel whispered with a soft shrug. He reached out his hand for Dean's. "I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean to..I just got a bit nervous," he apologized with a gentle voice.

Dean was pleasantly surprised when Castiel took his hand and he squeezed it gratefully, the warmth of his skin reassuring. "I get it," Dean assured with a small smile. "I'm a little nervous too, but believe me when I say everything's going to be fine." He threaded his fingers through Castiel's and smiled. "You trust me, don't you?"

Castiel nodded, looking at their hands before staring back at Dean with strength and sincerity. "With my life," he uttered, bringing Dean's hand up to his lips to kiss the knuckles tentatively. He blushed deeply when he could hear a few girls _aww _from somewhere in the far corner and let go of Dean's hand, returning to fidget with the novel on his desk, not looking back up at Dean.

Dean watched curiously as Castiel kissed his knuckles and then the inevitable 'awww' came from the girls in the room and Castiel dropped his hand and blushed. Dean sighed in fond exasperation and chuckled, patting Castiel's hand before turning around to face the front. "Hear that, Cas? We're adorable." He murmured over his shoulder, and he realized they'd become one of those cutesy couples who were constantly making doe eyes at each other, holding hands, and kissing in the hallway.

Castiel still blushed but a small smile spread across his face as he kept his head down and away from the watching eyes. He liked the idea of being adorable with Dean. It was better than the alternative. Being classed as cheap and dirty. Castiel sighed softly, he was probably reading too much into things. Everything seemed fine. Castiel picked up his novel and read with little concentration, sparing glimpses up at Dean. Well, what he could see of him. Just seeing the back of his head made him happy.

Dean grinned and turned back to face the front and attempted to pay attention to the lesson, but he could practically feel Castiel's eyes boring into the back of his head and he smirked slightly, but he was also frustrated that he couldn't see him. Not fair. Dean felt better about things now, the tension from earlier slipping away. He was still pretty sore, though. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and snuck a glance at Cas over his shoulder, glaring at him in mock annoyance even as the corner of his mouth turned up in a smile. He quickly turned back around before he could see Castiel's reaction.

Castiel watched as Dean turned to see him and suppressed a giggle, returning to his work. For once Castiel willingly put his hand up and volunteered to read out his work. Even to this day he couldn't tell you why. Castiel had never done something that would invoke a panic attack voluntarily. Maybe he just wanted to show off to Dean with his accent. He wasn't sure, but needless to say he stepped up to the front and read from his messy workbook. Despite their being nothing in particular on the page save a few doodles and the engraving in biro of 'D.W + C.N'. He spoke from the heart, expressing his feelings for his late brother Jimmy. No one knew who it was, never would. He just felt better for being able to say all this out loud and have no one understand it entirely apart from the teacher who seemed too pre-occupied with getting over her shock of Castiel actually volunteering to begin with.

Dean rose his eyebrows in surprise as Castiel willingly volunteered to read his work to the class; he'd never seen that before and he was pretty proud of his boyfriend and he grinned as Cas walked up to the front of the classroom and began speaking fluent French, the words slipping smoothly off his tongue like honey. Dean listened carefully, but Castiel's French was too fast and naturally accented that he had a hard time understanding. He caught a few words here and there, and he realized Cas was talking about Jimmy. Dean's mouth fell open slightly as he listened and tried to understand more of the words, but the beauty of Castiel's voice was distracting. Dean glanced around the room and saw the other students frowning in concentration and watching Castiel closely as he talked, everybody having gone silent.

Castiel spoke with open honestly, mainly with the comfort that most people didn't have a clue what he was talking about. He never mentioned Jimmy's name. Didn't have too. He still meant every word, pouring his heart and soul into his speech like piece. It was like the personal speech he'd refused to share at the funeral. He found himself just standing there for a moment without speaking, the teacher suddenly kicking into gear, "Uh, yes..very good..uh.." Castiel looked over at her without a hint of surprise that after a year of 'teaching' him she still didn't know his name. "Castiel. My name is Castiel," he said quietly, returning to his seat quickly.

Dean looked at the teacher in disbelief and then watched Castiel walking back to his desk and he smiled softly. "I didn't understand half of it, but that was beautiful." he whispered knowingly, waiting until Castiel sat down before turning sideways in his chair while still facing his own desk, and he placed his hand palm up on Castiel's desk, wiggling his fingers expectantly for Castiel's hand.

Castiel smiled softly as he watched Dean stretch out his hand. He took it in his and held their entwined hands to his face, briefly stroking Dean's hand against his cheek before letting go entirely and returning to his work. The bell seemed to take forever to ring but eventually it did so and Castiel began packing up his things when the teacher came up to him. "Where did you learn to speak like that?" she all but demanded. Like she couldn't believe someone in this school besides herself actually knew what French was. "I'm French," Castiel said with a deadpan expression because there really was no other explanation.

Dean smiled when Castiel held their hands up to this cheek, and the small ghost of a smile stayed on his lips even when he turned around to finish up his work. The class was quiet, with occasional students going up to read their work. When the bell rang, Dean had to stifle a laugh at the teacher's shocked face when she went up to Castiel, and he bit his lip to hide his smile when he heard Castiel's response. He met his eyes from behind the teachers back and made a face at the back of her head when Castiel was looking.

Castiel gave a shy smile when he saw Dean make a face at the idiot that was supposed to be their educator. He pulled his backpack up onto his shoulders and slipped his hand into Dean's loosely, still needing a bit of space and not ready to go back to clinging to each other just yet. He kissed Dean's knuckles again as they left the room before letting their entwined hands swing freely between them.

Dean gazed at Castiel fondly as they walked out of the room, and then he turned to look straight ahead down the hall, sighing tiredly. He was not in the mood for school after morning sex, and he wished they were still in bed sleeping. Dean's face still felt a bit flushed from the afterglow, but it was finally starting to fade off, leaving him feeling exhausted. They walked casually with their hands swinging between them, and Dean yawned. "Rough morning," he muttered with a half-smile, and then leaned closer to whisper in Castiel's ear, "Pun intended." because he couldn't resist.

Castiel snickered, giggling as he pushed Dean playfully. "You're not funny," he insisted, despite his laughter. It was one of those jokes that were so bad they were good and Castiel couldn't help but give a little chuckle. He pushed Dean away half-heartedly as they walked, their hands still entwined. They made it to chemistry and Castiel stood in the doorway, deciding whether to go back to art or stay with Dean.

Dean laughed openly as Castiel shoved him and he nudged him back and then pulled him close against him briefly before loosening up again and swinging their hands between them casually. "I'm hilarious and you know it," Dean protested happily, glad to have made Castiel smile. He craved that smile, loved seeing it light up Castiel's face like that, and it made Dean ridiculously happy and warm to know that he was the reason for it . When Castiel hesitated outside the chemistry room, Dean didn't let go of his hand and turned to Cas with pleading eyes and a pout. "We're doing a dangerous explodey experiment today and nobody wants to be my partner. Which I guess is pretty smart of them, considering it's me... please stay?" He begged dramatically.

Castiel rolled his eyes, "Well I guess I can't leave you alone with potentially dangerous equipment." Castiel stopped Dean before he could react. "..and if you in any way turn that into a dirty joke I will turn around right now and go back to art," he warned, pointing his finger at Dean. He squeezed Dean's hand briefly before going into the room and picking up a textbook from the front and nodding at Mr. Singer in greeting, a soft smile on his features.

Dean made a pretend-offended face. "Me? Make a dirty joke? Cas, you wound me!" He put a hand on his chest dramatically and followed Cas over to grab a textbook. He grinned and picked a piece of lint off Castiel's shoulder as they headed back to their desks and gave Mr. Singer a small smile and sat down beside Cas.

Castiel sat at the back of the room, opening the textbook and writing up the lesson plan and the introduction. He read over the experiment a few times, making sure he knew what to do in case Dean did blow something up. He looked over at his boyfriend briefly offering him a small shy smile.

Dean skimmed the book and got a general understanding of the experiment, but he trusted Cas to really know what was going on. He grinned when he remembered the first time they'd done an experiment, when Dean was still fixated on the dare and had been purposely flirting with Cas. They'd changed so much since then, and he would have laughed if someone told him they'd end up together. Now, Dean couldn't imagine anything else, and he smiled to himself as he tipped his head forward to read the textbook.

Castiel glanced up at Dean briefly, stroking his hair as the other read. He found it really soothing just to play with his boyfriends hair delicately as he sat back, waiting for the all clear to start the experiment. Castiel found it weird how two months ago, the same gorgeous boy had been trying to make him the laughing stock of the school. It was odd how things turned around like that.

Dean smiled softly and leaned into the gentle touch of Castiel's fingers, rubbing against his hand like a cat. He closed his eyes and leaned his head forward with a small smile and relaxed, humming softly in pleasure, and he blushed when Mr. Singer's gruff voice interrupted and started giving directions for the experiment. He grinned shyly at Cas and rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously as Mr. Singer's gaze focused on him and Cas for a moment.

Castiel almost jumped out of his skin when Mr Singer began talking again. He moved his hand away for a moment but placed it back over Dean's hand on the back of the other's neck, leaning in to kiss his cheek tenderly. "Go get us some goggles, love. I'll get the equipment." He soon found everything they needed and began promptly setting up the experiment.

Dean grinned when Cas kissed his cheek, the gentleness and tenderness of the gesture making him feel warm. He kissed Castiel's cheek back quickly before running a hand through his boyfriend's hair and standing up, trailing his fingers along Castiel's shoulders as he went to get the goggles. He walked back to the table and handed Cas his goggles before putting on his own and settling down in his seat, eyeing the chemicals curiously.

Castiel set up the equipment, arranging the chemicals in order for when they'd need them. He looked over at Dean, refraining from touching him. This was serious and he couldn't have Dean distracted, otherwise he might blow up something. "So this one here," Castiel said, pointing to a large beaker of acid. "Needs to go in here with the neutralizer." Castiel put on his goggles and waited patiently for Dean to do as instructed. Castiel could have done it but he knew what he was doing. It would help Dean learn if he could do it himself

Dean nodded. "Easy enough," he remarked, pouring the acid into the beaker carefully, aware that Mr. Singer was walking around the room and keeping an eye on the students, particularly Dean. Dean had always struggled with chemistry and was easily distracted, so he forced himself to concentrate on the task and when he was finished he set it down and grinned proudly. "There, I did something. It's supposed to bubble like that, right?"

Castiel bit his lip, "Honey, no, I meant that beaker." Castiel quickly added the right chemicals to stop the mixture from bubbling and neutralize it. "It's okay," Castiel assured. "They all go together in the end, you just mixed up the sequence." He took the next beaker and placed it in front of Dean. "We need 20ml of this, and put it in the mixture."

Dean glanced up in surprise and backed away from the mixture, afraid it was going to explode. He breathed a sigh of relief when Cas told him it was okay, and then he blushed and smiled shyly. It was the first time Cas had ever called him 'honey', and Dean was surprised by how much he liked it. It was sweet and domestic, as if they were already a married couple, and Dean smiled and ducked his head. "Sorry, sweetie." he mumbled, and glanced up at Cas happily, taking the correct container and carefully measuring out 20 ml and pouring it into the mixture.

Castiel felt warmth pool in his chest at the endearment and had to stop himself from reaching out to Dean. He didn't want to distract him whilst he did the experiment. He smiled softly, watching Dean as he took down notes. It felt weird to be in this room again. So much had changed for them and it felt a little alien to be here again. He took Dean's hand once the mixture was poured and squeezed it slightly. "You okay, honey?" he said, trying out the name again.

Dean smiled and brought Castiel's hand to his lips and kissed his fingers lightly before lowering it back to the table, but didn't let go and stroked his thumb over the back of Castiel's hand gently. "I'm excellent, babe." Dean said softly, aware that he probably looked like a sappy, lovestruck idiot but he didn't care. They stared at each other for a moment before they were interrupted by Mr. Singer walking over and sitting on top of the empty desk in front of them as he studied them both. "How you boys doing?" He asked quietly, folding his arms over his chest and regarding them thoughtfully.

Castiel blushed and dipped his head when Mr Singer came over to talk to them. "Okay, sir," Castiel said quietly, looking over at Dean with a small smile. At least he hoped so. They'd been through so much recently, Jimmy's funeral in particular had awoken some demons in Castiel and had scarred Dean for life by cutting himself in front of him. Then again, Mr Singer could have just been asking about the experiment but his answer was vague enough to be about either.

Mr. Singer noticed the look Castiel gave to Dean, and Dean blushed and smiled slightly as well. "That's good to hear," Mr. Singer said, his voice earnest and quiet. "I'm really sorry about your loss, son. How's your mother holding up?" Dean had never seen Mr. Singer this caring and gentle before, and it surprised him. Dean had always thought that Mr. Singer was a gruff older man who did his job and collected his paycheck, but he was proving to be different.

Castiel faltered a little, not expecting Mr Singer to speak about Jimmy. He knew Crowley knew but to hear someone not intimately connected to Castiel speaking about his brother felt a little alien. He grasped for Dean's hand under the desk, squeezing it hard. "She's strong. She'll get through this," he said, voice wavering. Castiel was grateful for Mr Singer's concern but it still felt weird for other people to know about Jimmy.

Mr. Singer nodded slowly and stood up from the desk, leaning over to place a hand on Castiel's shoulder briefly. "Take care of her." He ordered gently, and then he turned to Dean, who was squeezing Castiel's hand back just as hard and looking at Mr. Singer carefully. "And you," he said to Dean, pointing a finger at him, "You take care of your boyfriend here, understand?" Dean glanced at Cas and nodded timidly. "Yes, sir." As if he wouldn't. Mr. Singer smiled and patted Dean's arm before walking away, and Dean turned back to Cas with a small, questioning smile.

Castiel watched as Mr Singer walked away and looked over at Dean with a slightly perplexed look. He bit his lip, trying not to get emotional over the word of his brother again. He took a deep breath, squeezing Dean's hand and kissing the knuckles. "I'm okay," he whispered, more to himself than Dean. Castiel giggled in sudden realization. "He called me your boyfriend." It sounded weird. His mom knew what they were but she'd never said the term aloud. Having an adult say what they were without scrutinizing the fact was like a step forward in the right direction and Castiel felt warmth spread through him.

Dean smiled reassuringly and stroked the back of his hand over Castiel's cheek and lips as he kissed his knuckles, and then he played absently with Castiel's hair as he studied him thoughtfully. "Yeah, he did." Dean realized, with a growing smile. It made him happy because it showed that not all adults were like John Winchester and Mr. Singer didn't just classify them as gay students, they were just two kids in a relationship amongst others in relationships. They weren't weird or different, they were just themselves and it was really reassuring. "I like being called your boyfriend," he murmured.

Castiel smiled softly, leaning into Dean and sighing. "Me too," he agreed, kissing Dean's cheek before setting on clearing away the equipment just in time for the bell. "Rehearsals," Castiel groaned, grabbing his backpack and slinging it on his shoulder. He winced in pain slightly, cursing under his breath as he rearranged the weight on his shoulder again before moving out the room towards the main hall.


	25. Chapter 25

"Yeah, rehearsals." Dean muttered in agreement, hoping they weren't going to go through the dance routine, because he was still kinda sore. Dean frowned in slight concern when he noticed Castiel's wince. It wasn't very obvious, but lately all of Dean's senses had been tuned to Castiel and he noticed everything. He looked Cas up and down in confusion and walked beside him. "You all right?" He asked.

?"I-I'm...," Castiel began, looking around to see if anyone was over hearing. He bit his lip when he could quite clearly see people watching them. Commenting on them and groups of girls giggling over them. Castiel took Dean's hand and dragged him in the opposite direction towards his locker. He took the little first aid box that he always kept there seeing as he got picked on a lot it wasn't surprising how often it came in handy. He led them into the bathroom, making sure it was empty before stripping off his jacket and rolling up his sleeve. His latest cut dribbling with blood. He kept his head down and away from Dean as he fixed the re-opened wound. He always felt so ashamed when his self-harm became the centre of attention.

Dean frowned worriedly when Castiel dragged him into the bathroom and took off his jacket, and that's when he saw the blood on Castiel's shirt. Dean cursed and stepped forward, gently taking Castiel's arm and angling it in the light so he could see it better. He pushed Castiel's hands away and put a bandage from the first aid kit on it himself, carefully and gently so he didn't make it hurt more than he had to. "Cas, is this new? Or is it the one from... you know, the last one?" He hated talking about this, it was hard to be strong for Cas when he did this to himself. It made Dean scared that he wasn't able to stop it from happening, that it was out of control and he was really, really worried about Castiel.

Castiel winced when Dean asked if it was new. That really hit home for him. He was trying his best not to harm himself. Jimmy had been his weakness but Dean had been there for him and kept his self-harm to a minimum. "I-It's number ten," Castiel whispered, not wanting to say aloud that it was Jimmy's mark. They both knew it and it pained Castiel to say it aloud. "It's just deeper than the others..it's taking longer to heal. That's all." Once his arm was cleaned and bandage he put his jacket back on and kissed Dean firmly, in search of comfort. "I would never..I'm trying not to, Dean. You're my reason not to and..it hurts..really hurts when you accuse me of something like that."

Dean bit his lip and stared at Castiel uncertainly. "Cas, I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm trying to _help _you. I don't understand why you're feeling hurt when I ask if it's new, and I wasn't accusing you of anything, I promise." He kissed Castiel apologetically. "I know you want to stop and I know it's hard, believe me. I just don't want to see you bleed ever again, okay?" He kissed Castiel again and pulled him into his arms. "I'm glad it's not a new cut," he whispered, "No more, Cas. Please."

Castiel frowned, pushing Dean away a little. "It hurts me when you think it's new because it means you don't trust me. It means you think I'm just that weak enough to cave into such pressures again. And you don't get to think like that, Dean. You're supposed to be my burning star that tells me I_can_be better. I_can_stop. When you have doubts, that's it for me. I can't be strong unless you are too. So that's why it hurts when you think like that." Castiel's voice was wavering and shaky all through his little speech, his eyes dead set on Dean's.

Dean looked at Castiel wide-eyed. "Cas, what the hell are you talking about?" He murmured painfully, "I trust you with my life. I let you fuck me, do you think I'd do that if I didn't trust you? I trust you and I love you more than life itself, but I know you're not perfect, Cas. Nobody is. So can you really blame me for being scared for you? You've been through a lot of shit, Cas, more than most people our age, and you know that I have, too. It's hard for me to trust people, and it's hard for you to trust people, but I really do believe in you, Cas. Don't think for a second that I don't. I_know_you can get better and stop cutting yourself, but it's not easy." Dean was trembling a little, and they were both on edge, the tension between them nearly crackling with electricity. Dean's eyes watered and he tried to breathe steadily.

Castiel took a moment to take in what Dean had said and forced himself to take deep breaths and think for a minute before saying something stupid. Clearly he spoke to soon when he blurted out, "I don't know, Dean. Maybe fucking you is just another one of your schemes to make me look like a total loser." He would regret saying it but he couldn't help himself. Dean had made him the fool before, with prom and his friends. Castiel sometimes wondered how someone like Dean could ever be into someone like him and Castiel couldn't help but wonder if this was still part of the prank. That one day Dean would reveal none of it to be true and rip his heart out once and for all. He stared wide-eyed at Dean, mouth gaping like a fish trying to come up with something, anything to say to make things right. He came up short, and once again resorted to running out of the room and as far away from Dean as possible.

"How can you say that?" Dean hissed after a moment of tense silence, Castiel's words echoing around in his head like shards of broken glass. "That would be a pretty goddamn elaborate prank, wouldn't it?" He accused, raising his voice for the first time. "You just accused me of not trusting you, and then you have the nerve to tell me you don't trust me?" Dean stared desperately at Cas, feeling a mixture of anger, hurt, and betrayal crash like waves through his mind. He felt cold and alone, and Cas was running away, leaving Dean standing alone in the room. Dean stood there breathing shakily for a moment before he went into a bathroom stall and sat on the closed toilet lid, pulling his knees up to his chest and closing his eyes. He didn't know how long he sat there for, wasn't aware of anything other than the sound of his own shaky breathing.

Castiel ran. Ran until his lungs grew cold and harsh with every intake for breath. He found himself in a heap in the hallway, gasping for breath as his nerves were pumping adrenaline through his veins. He exhaled shakily, clutching at his hair. He'd royally screwed up this time and he didn't know how to fix it. How to show Dean he trusted him with his life, and quite literally he'd done that in the past. Put his life in Dean's hands, right after Jimmy's death. It wasn't until Meg was standing over him that he bothered wiping his tears. Meg wordlessly scooped him up and took him backstage, away from everyone else to take a moment to breath. Meg just watched him curiously. She wasn't dumb. She could guess what was wrong, not the detail but enough to know Dean was involved. "Come now, Clarence. Save those tears for when I beat your ass at the dance routine tomorrow night," she smirked, taking his hand and squeezing it to show him, although she didn't like to admit it, that she did have a heart. Castiel gave a small smile, using Meg to try and focus on something other than Dean. After half an hour, he managed to pull himself together enough to take to the stage for his scene with the rest of the Jets for the song Officer Krupke.

Dean stayed in the same position for a really long time, almost considering just leaving school and blowing off rehearsal. He couldn't face Cas right now, he just couldn't. It was their first real fight, and Dean didn't even know why it had happened. He couldn't blame himself for it, because he honestly didn't think he'd done anything wrong. He was actually kind of angry at Cas for thinking Dean would let him fuck him just for some stupid prank when it really meant so much to him, and Dean thought it had meant a lot to both of them. It wasn't fair. After a while, though, he forced himself to stand up and leave the bathroom, taking a deep breath and bracing himself for a really awkward and unhappy rehearsal. He walked to the auditorium and snuck in the back, creeping around the sides in the dark audience seating until he reached the steps leading up to the stage, which were cloaked in shadow and he sat on them quietly, leaning against the wall. He wasn't hiding, he definitely wasn't. He watched Castiel and the rest of the Jets practicing their song on the stage, and Dean felt nervous as he looked at Cas. They'd given so much to each other that they weren't even the same people anymore and Dean was really afraid of what this meant. It was obvious that they depended on each other, and Dean didn't want to damage their already fragile relationship with this stupid fight.

Castiel couldn't concentrate. He couldn't stop thinking about Dean and just how much he'd hurt him. He hadn't meant to say what he did but it had always been a though in the back of his mind. That everyone was still part of the joke because no matter how much he tried Castiel couldn't except that he was happy for once. Castiel took a wrong step when doing a spin, one of the simplest moves in the whole routine. Castiel growled, annoyed with himself that he couldn't even do dancing right because he couldn't stop thinking about Dean. He tried the spin again, and again, and again. Working himself into the ground as he was determined to get this fucking step right. Everyone was just staring at him now and he groaned frustratedly, tugging at his hair. Castiel was about three seconds from having a nervous breakdown. Meg placed a hand on his arm, forcing him to snap back to reality. "I think you should go home and get some sleep," she suggested quietly. Castiel nodded before realizing his bed was still messy from their activities this morning. His bed smelt of Dean but wouldn't contain Dean himself because of this stupid fight. Dean's car was still at his house and he'd have to give him a ride home. Castiel didn't remember how he ended up curled up on the floor of the stage but there he was, trembling in fear of having lost the one thing that made his life good. He just wanted his Dean back.

Dean bit his lip as he watched Castiel grow more and more frustrated with the dance steps, and everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at him nervously. He breathed a sigh of relief when Meg spoke to him and snapped him out of it, but it didn't last long and soon Castiel was curled in a ball in the middle of the stage, with Meg looking helpless and everyone else exchanging worried and confused looks. Dean sighed and stood up. He forced himself to stride onto the stage and drop into a crouch beside Cas, taking his arm and shaking him slightly. "Cas," he said quietly, "Come on, let's go. I'm taking you home."

Castiel looked up to see Dean crouched beside him and his heart skipped a beat. After Castiel pretty much destroying everything they had Dean was still there beside him, looking out for him. "Dean," he breathed, a little relieved and nervous. "I'm so sorry. I didn't.." The words caught in his throat as he tried to keep his voice under control. He kept his hands by his side, not sure if Dean would welcome his touch after what he'd said to him.

Dean kept his expression neutral and emotionless as he pulled Cas to his feet and then dropped his hands. "Cas, don't." He said, to make him stop talking. They couldn't do this here, not in front of everyone who was watching them but pretending not to. He began walking away and said over his shoulder, "Come on," he ordered flatly, pausing briefly to make sure Cas was following. This was the scariest thing Dean had ever experienced. He knew their relationship was fragile enough with all the shit going on around them, but he never thought it would come to this. To know that Cas still didn't trust him after everything they did was making Dean have doubts, and as much as he hated himself, he only hoped it wouldn't damage their relationship any more.

Castiel was hauled to his feet but he'd never looked so scared, Dean looked so calm and reserved and it was beginning to worry him. He was scared Dean was trying to not make a scene and wait until they were alone to scream at him. He deserved it after all. If Dean wanted to hit him too, he wouldn't be surprised. He followed along after Dean hesitantly, the few steps it took to get from the stage to the door felt like he was walking to his death. His legs were threatening to collapse but he held himself together just long enough to get out the room before leaning against one of the lockers. "Dean, I'm so sorry," he repeated, heartbroken and on the verge of tears.

Dean's entire body felt tense and taught, ready to run, but he forced himself to breathe deeply. He stopped walking when he heard Castiel's voice apologizing shakily, but he didn't turn around for a long moment. The hall was empty and silent except for the sound of Castiel's shaky breathing, and that's what finally made Dean turn around. His chest felt tight and painful, and he looked at Cas with hurt in his eyes that he couldn't conceal. "Cas, why did you say that?" He asked tightly, his voice wavering a little.

Castiel took a long moment, sniffing and exhaling shakily as he tried to get himself together. "Because I'm pathetic..and stupid, and no matter how hard I try I-I can't come to terms with the fact t-that I-I-I'm finally happy. That you make me happy." He still wasn't looking at Dean in fear of what his reaction was to all this. "I keep thinking something's gonna come along and take that away from me. Just like everything else in my life." He slumped against the locker, fed up and defeated. "I'm sorry, Dean," he whispered.

"Cas," Dean murmured painfully, taking a hesitant step towards him, but not sure what to do. When they were together, Dean sometimes forgot just how much Castiel hated himself, but now he could see it for what it was and it hurt a lot. Dean bit his lip and slowly took another step forward, almost close enough to reach out and touch Castiel, but he kept his hands at his sides, playing with the hem of his shirt nervously. Cas was stuttering and trembling and Dean longed to touch him, pull him into his arms and make it all better, but he couldn't just yet. He still stung from the cruel words Cas had said to him. "You think you don't deserve to be happy." Dean realized.

Castiel shook his head, still staring absently at the floor. "I know I don't," he corrected. If his brother, his father and his bullies had anything to say about it, it was that Castiel didn't deserve happiness. Even something good like his brother Jimmy had been taken away from him. It dawned on him soon after that, that Castiel would never be happy. Everyone would just leave him in the end. "And I know what I said was wrong, but I was upset. You hurt me, Dean. You doubted me and you're the one I trust to look at me like I'm made of gold..even if it's not true it still gives me that small hope that one day I can _be _like that person you see me as." Castiel sighed defeatedly. "But I guess that's just not going to happen anymore. I screwed things up."

Dean closed his eyes for a moment and took one more step closer so he could lean back against the lockers beside Castiel, still not touching but very close to. He slid his back down against the lockers until he was sitting on the floor with his knees drawn to his chest, and stared blankly at the floor. He didn't know how to fix this. "Cas, I don't doubt you. I know you can get better, but I'm just worried, okay? With all the shit that happened lately, I can't blame you for being a little... unstable." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the locker. "But you have to know it goes both ways. I love you so much... and I don't know why but this really fucking hurts, Cas. I hate seeing you hurt yourself. And what you just said, how you _know_ you don't deserve happiness... Cas, it just kills me, do you get it? I can't stand it. The last thing I want to see is you hurt, and I've already seen enough, Cas. You're just going to have to trust me when I say I need you to stop hating yourself. I know it's not easy, believe me. I've felt the same way for a long time, but I was finally beginning to stop despising myself." Until Castiel had said those cruel words in the bathroom. Dean could feel his layers peeling back and crumbling down to the hatred for himself that had been there ever since his mother's death. .

Castiel bit his lip, Dean now in his sight as he sat on the floor in front of him. What he saw broke his heart, he looked so small and lost and Castiel didn't know how to make this right. "I don't mean to hurt you, Dean," he murmured, sliding down the locker to kneel beside Dean. "You are the best thing that's ever happened to m-me and I-I-I was scared, I tired to push you away before..before we both got hurt and cruel fate took you from me..but I ended up hurting us both in the process and I-I-I don't know how to fix it," he said, voice wavering and thick with emotion. "I'm trying Dean, really trying to get better. I gave you my knife..a-and when you ask questions about..m-my cuts..it feels like you've just taken that knife and rammed it into my heart." Castiel sniffed, turning his body to face the wall, still leaning against the locker and close to Dean.

Dean opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Castiel carefully. Cas was trembling and Dean couldn't stop himself from tentatively reaching out for Castiel's hand, moving slowly and hesitantly as he lightly touched Castiel's thumb with his pinky and left it there, just a simple brush of skin. He knew he would probably get pushed away for trying, but he honestly didn't know what else to do. "Why are you trying to push me away?" Dean whispered brokenly, close to tears himself. "Do you even realize what you're doing? Deny it all you want but we need each other, Cas. We both know it, too. And we're both really fucking screwed up and maybe you think we'd be better off apart, but I can't do that, Cas. You changed me too much and I'm not the same person I used to be."

Castiel could feel Dean touching his hand just slightly, he didn't move away but he didn't move closer either. Just closed his eyes, still looking at the wall away from Dean. "I'm trying to protect you, Dean," he whispered, voice cracking at the thought of having to leave Dean but Castiel didn't want to see Dean get hurt because of something he could have stopped. He wanted to reach out for Dean, show him just how much he loved him and keep him safe in his arms but he couldn't, he needed to keep Dean safe. They'd been close last time Mr Winchester got suspicious, they might not be so lucky next time and he didn't want Dean to get hurt. "I'm sorry, Dean," he whispered, brushing his thumb over Dean's finger twice before reluctantly moving away.

"Cas, what are you saying?" Dean asked shakily, his heart beating faster as he looked wide-eyed at Cas. Surely he wasn't breaking up with him. Dean felt himself beginning to panic; they'd shared so much since they'd been together and if they went their separate ways it would only end in pain. He would never be the same person again, Castiel had changed him too much and Dean's life would never be the same if he didn't have Cas in it. This couldn't be the end, it just couldn't. "If you think I can't handle this, you're dead wrong. I can protect myself, Cas, nothing's gonna happen. Dammit, we can fix this!" Dean realized he sounded desperate and clingy but he couldn't let Cas go. Dean's eyes filled with tears and he couldn't breathe, panic clouding his mind.

Castiel bit his lip, listening to Dean's pained voice. He couldn't see him, still facing the wall but his voice alone was killing him and Castiel felt like he was going to hurl from nerves. "This isn't just about us, Dean," he managed to say without his voice completely going. "Your father is a very dangerous man. Sammy isn't safe either. We can't do this, Dean. We're not strong enough." Castiel managed to get to his feet, leaning against the locker for support. His whole body was shaking, eyelashes damp and clumped together. With trembling fingers he removed his necklace, holding the guitar pick in his hand for a moment before dangling it in front of Dean and dropping it into his lap. "I-It's for the best," he tried to assure, although he didn't believe it himself but he had to try and do the right thing. He had to protect Dean. "Goodbye, my love," he whimpered before the tears fell freely and Castiel had to place his hand over his mouth to muffle the sound of his cries. He turned away swiftly, walking down the hallway and to the parking lot.

Dean was stunned. He felt like he'd been punched in the gut, like the wind had been knocked out of him and he couldn't breathe. He didn't watch Castiel walk away, he simply stared down at the guitar pick in his lap until his vision blurred and all he could see was a smudge the exact color of Castiel's eyes. He didn't realize he was crying until some freshman girls walked by and hesitated in front of him, and he glared up at them angrily. "What the _fuck_ are you looking at?!" He exclaimed through his bitter tears, and they flinched and hurried down the hallway, and Dean tugged at his hair angrily, clawed at his face with his nails, and sobbed bitterly. It couldn't be over. Castiel was the love his life, despite all the problems and baggage he had, and Dean had been imagining their future together for a long time to come. Now there was nothing. Dean's future was blank, and he honestly didn't see how he could go on.

Castiel just about made it to his motorcycle and collapsed by it, in a state of regret. His breath came ragged and laboured as he choked on his tears, shaking violently. He felt lost without his guitar pick, that one reminder that everything would be okay. He clung to his motorcycle, trying to stand up and swung his leg over it. He put on his helmet but it took twenty minutes before he managed to calm down enough to turn on the engine and drive home to Dean's car, his Dean smelling bed and most distressing of all, no Dean.

Dean managed to stand up somehow and shuffle down the empty hallway, not knowing where he was going until he found himself standing in front of Mr. Singer's desk, looking at the floor. Mr. Singer looked up in surprised concern and quickly stood up and walked around the desk to take Dean gently by the shoulders and meet his eyes. "Dean? What happened, son?" He asked gently, which only made Dean cry harder, no matter how much he tried to stop. He shook his head and closed his eyes, and Mr. Singer cursed under his breath, "Balls." and stepped over to close and lock the door. School was over and most students had gone home, but he wasn't taking any chances. He pulled up a chair and guided Dean to sit down in it, then sat down in his desk chair and turned to face Dean, leaning his elbows on his knees. "Tell me what happened, Dean." He ordered, and Dean tried to speak. He couldn't meet Mr. Singer's eyes. "Cas," he choked out, "He... he... we broke up..." Dean didn't know why he'd come here, but he literally had nowhere else to go, nobody else to talk to that would understand. Dean realized that Mr. Singer was the closest Dean would ever be to having a father figure, and that made him even more upset. His own father wouldn't understand. Mr. Singer rested a hand on his shoulder and let him cry, not trying to stop him. "Why?" He asked quietly, and Dean took a shuddering breath and finally looked at Mr. Singer. "I don't know," he sobbed, "He told me... he thinks that I'm still some part of a big joke and that I don't trust him and he doesn't deserve this and he thinks I'm going to leave him like everybody else... but I won't, I love him so much and-and... and he j-just left and then told me he was doing it t-to protect m-me which is complete bullshit and now h-he's gone and I don't know w-what to do," Dean cried, realizing he was babbling and he sounded like a three-year old but he didn't care, and he couldn't stop.

Castiel made it home just about, all but collapsing in a heap in the garage when he saw Dean's car. He ran inside, locking himself away from the sight of it. He refused to go to his room. He couldn't bring himself to do it. It was too soon and Castiel could already feel himself falling deeper and deeper into the darkness. He was truly alone. His mom was with Lucifer and the house was still save for Castiel's sobs. He stood in the bathroom, leaning over the sink and watching the wreck that was his reflection. He searched desperately for Jimmy. Something familiar that wasn't himself. Someone to confide in to help him through this. He needed his brother. But something else stared back at him. Something long forgotten, glaring at him curiously, blank expression with a slight pitying look. _He is unworthy of your tears, Castiel. _"He is worth everything," Castiel sobbed, clinging to the rim of the sink. His reflection glared at him thoughtfully. _Even your life? _Castiel was silent, nodding without hesitation. _So, if Dean is no longer a part of the picture. What's stopping you? It's not like he's going to stop you anymore._ _He doesn't care. _"Shut up," Castiel snapped. "He cares, he loves me." The reflection smirked, tilting his head to the side. _Then where is he? _"I sent him away," Castiel whispered, voice trembling. _I bet he didn't even put up a fight, probably glad to see the back of you. _Castiel grew angry, throwing his fist at the mirror and breaking it into shards. His reflection crumbling with it as the pieces hit the sink. His hand hovering, blood dripping down over the disoriented reflection staring back up at him.

Mr. Singer scooted the chair closer so he was next to Dean instead of across from him, and Dean didn't even bother trying to stop himself from turning towards Mr. Singer and letting himself be pulled into a firm, warm hug. He sobbed into the plaid flannel and Mr. Singer rubbed his back soothingly. It was really weird and awkward but Dean didn't care. "Shhh," Mr. Singer said, "Dean, try to calm down. I know it hurts, son." Dean couldn't stop crying. His entire body was cold and shaking and he was beginning to go numb. "I d-don't know what t-to do," He sobbed, his voice muffled against Mr. Singer's shirt. "Now, I know I ain't no Dr. Phil, but hear me out." Mr. Singer said, his voice low and rough and strangely comforting. "You and Cas are really something else. I've been teaching here for more than a decade and I've seen all kinds of relationships in this school, but I've never seen anything like you two. I know you'll be okay, trust me. Everyone has fights and it's normal, but there's something strong between you boys that I've never seen before. I truly believe that it's not over, Dean." Dean squeezed his eyes shut as his heart contracted painfully. Mr. Singer's words were reassuring and discouraging at the same time, but Dean couldn't get Castiel's words out of his head. "I'm sorry," he whispered, "I... I'm sorry, I'm a wreck... I need to go home." Dean sat up and wiped his eyes furiously, staring at the floor, but Mr. Singer kept his hand firmly on Dean's back, giving him a concerned look. "Don't apologize, idjit." He murmured, patting Dean's shoulder. Dean bit his lip and started crying all over again. "I don't know what I did," he sobbed, "I just want it to be okay."

Castiel found himself leaning against the bathtub sat on the floor, his legs stretched out in front of him and his fucked up hand resting carefully in his lap. He carefully pulled out some pieces of the mirror out with tweezers and disinfected the wound, practically screaming the house down in pain. He wrapped a bandage around his hand, the wrapping resting across his palm to stop the gash from bleeding. His knuckles were completely ruined but he didn't care. He just needed to stop himself from talking. His dark side. He'd promised Dean he wouldn't hurt himself. He wanted to keep his promise despite them not being together anymore. He still wanted to make Dean proud despite everything. He just couldn't live with the thought of Dean getting hurt because of their relationship. If John ever found out, he'd hurt him more than he had Castiel and he couldn't live with that guilt. Castiel managed to drag himself downstairs, finding Michael's cigarettes that he'd left and lighting one, using it to busy his mind and his hands from doing anything harmful. He used the intake of toxins to steady his breathing and he soon found himself lying on the livingroom floor, watching as the smoke circled around him as he cried softly for the loss of his love.

Mr. Singer rubbed Dean's back comfortingly, and Dean appreciated it no matter how embarrassing this was. He brought his hand up to look at the ring Cas had given him, seeing his own reflection in the bright metal, and he sobbed bitterly and pulled it off for the first time, placing it in his pocket with the guitar pick necklace. Mr. Singer sighed sadly and squeezed Dean's shoulder. "Dean, I think you need to go home and get some sleep. Come on, son, I'll drive you." Dean looked at Mr. Singer and nodded slightly, wiping his tears again. "Thank you," he murmured, allowing Mr. Singer to help him to his feet and guide him out of the classroom and out to the parking lot. Dean sat down in Mr. Singer's car and stared blankly at the road as they began to drive away, neither of them saying anything, but Dean had finally stopped crying and now felt dead inside, which was better than feeling the pain. Mr. Singer dropped him off at his house, and Dean was glad to see that his father wasn't home. It was a Friday night, which either meant John went to the bar or he stayed late at the garage. Sam wasn't home either, and his house was empty and dark. Dean was relieved and as soon as he got into the house, he headed straight for John's liquor cabinet and took a bottle of whiskey down from the shelf, and began chugging straight from the bottle. The strong alcohol burned all the way down his throat, but soon he felt warm and pleasantly numb, and he sat down on the couch with the bottle and continued drinking.

Castiel soon fell asleep, his eyelids heavy and drooping as he struggled to stay awake. He was exhausted from the days events and his body went limp as it finally shut down, lying effortlessly on the floor. His hand sprawled across the floor, near the floor length curtains. The cigarette in his hand still burning strong. It didn't take long for the flaming ash to set fire to the tip of the curtains. The fire growing in heat and strength as it trailed up the rest of the curtain, eating the fabric and turning it into nothing but ash and flames. Castiel stirred in his sleep, curling up on himself, tilting his body towards the heat of the fire but too far under to register the source of the sudden heat.

Eventually, Dean could barely hold the bottled anymore, his fingers clumsy and numb, but his body was pleasantly warm and heavy. He finished off the bottle and it slipped through his fingers, landing on the carpet with a soft thud, and his eyes closed and he passed out almost instantly, grateful for the sudden darkness silencing his thoughts.

Castiel moaned softly in his sleep, wiggling his body against the carpet to try and get comfy. His nostrils soon became suffocated with vast amounts of smoke and Castiel had to breath through his mouth but it was to the same effect. He soon woke up, struggling to breath, eyes opening wide as he sat up, coughing and spluttering. All around him was a blur of orange, the room flickering with warm, threatening light. "Oh shit," Castiel muttered, scrambling to his feet. He dialled the emergency services and ran outside, taking in big gulps of air as he lay started on the front lawn. His first thoughts were not of what would happen when his mom came home but of how disappointed Dean would be if he found out about this.

Dean woke up to a stinging pain across his cheek, and the first thing he saw when he cracked open his eyes was Sam's face looming right over him, wide-eyed and terrified. "Dean!" He exclaimed in relief, "Sorry, I had to hit you, I thought you were dying. How much of this did you drink?!" Dean groaned and turned his face into the couch cushions. "Enough," he muttered, his voice still slurred as he felt himself drifting back into unconsciousness. Sam cursed under his breath and hauled Dean up to a sitting position, which made Dean's stomach turn unpleasantly, "I'm gonna puke," he groaned, and Sam practically dragged him into the bathroom just in time for Dean to lean over the toilet and barf his guts out, ridding his body of the alcohol too late. "Seriously, Dean, what's gotten into you?" Sam yelled anxiously, and Dean shoved him weakly and tried to make him leave. He couldn't deal with his brother right now, but Sam refused to go and Dean threw up again. "Kill me," he begged, "Please, Sammy..." Sam shook Dean by the shoulders and forced him to meet his eyes, but Dean couldn't focus and he collapsed against the toilet, muttering incoherently under his breath. He just wanted the calm tranquility of unconsciousness again, because memories of earlier were flooding back and he wanted to stop them.

Castiel must have blacked out because by the time he awoke again there were firemen gathered around his house, putting out the fire which had now spread. Neighbours were watching curiously in their dressing gowns as Castiel's home burned to the ground. It hadn't' been a very big fire but it had been enough and once it had started it spread throughout the place quickly. "Son, can you hear me?" came a distant voice. Castiel forced himself to focus as he sat up and watched as a fireman tried to get his attention, kneeling in front of him. "Are you hurt? Do you need medical assistance?" the man said, looking at Castiel's hand. Castiel shook his head, hiding his hand subconsciously. "Amber," Castiel breathed in sudden realization. He took to his feet before anyone could stop him, running back inside to look for the only thing in this world he had left.

Sam threw his hands up in defeat and left Dean in the bathroom, heading into the kitchen and getting a tall glass of cold water. He went back into the room and grabbed Dean's shoulder to pull him back so he was leaning against the wall, and held the glass to his lips. Dean drank the water obediently but most of it dribbled down his chin and Sam groaned in frustration and set it on the floor. "Dean, what happened to you?" he asked, flushing the toilet with a disgusted face and handing Dean a tissue. Dean looked like total shit, and Sam had never seen him get this drunk before. Sure, there were times when Dean snuck a beer and got a little drunk, but never was it this bad. Sam was actually considering calling John, because he had no idea what to do but he decided that wouldn't be a great idea. Dean murmured tearfully, "Cas." And that was enough for Sam to work with. He handed his brother the water again and helped him drink a few more sips, and then placed the glass on the floor and say across from him. "What happened?" He asked, more gently now, and Dean brought a hand to his face and rubbed at his eyes angrily, his features contorting into a pained, miserable expression. "Did you guys have a fight? Is that what this is about?" Sam asked, searching for clues and desperate to know what happened. Dean nodded miserably and slid down until he was laying pathetically on the bathroom floor, and Sam looked at him helplessly. Dean held up his hand and pointed to his ringless finger without saying anything, and Sam took his hand wordlessly and held it while Dean sobbed quietly.

Castiel ran into the house, despite the firemen calling out to him that it wasn't safe as they tried to run after him. Castiel ran up the stairs, darting and narrowly avoiding as parts of the room spat angrily as he ran past. "Amb-" he said before choking on the smoke. He could barely see a thing and was struggling to find his beloved cat. He heard a faint mew from the corner of the room and Castiel struggled to crawl low enough to get to her, scooping her up in his arms. Her fur pressed to his nose, smelt like ash and smoke and made him cough and splutter. He made his way back down the stairs, collapsing as the stairs gave way under him and he fell to the floor with an ache. His t-shirt ripped as well as the skin down his side. He groaned, clutching at his side. "Dean," he whimpered, coughing violently, darkness once again taking him back under.


	26. Chapter 26

Sam watched his brother cry and he bit his lip helplessly, not knowing what to do to make it better. He was relieved that Dean hadn't drunken too much to be dangerous, but Sam still had to do something. He helped Dean stand up and lean against the sink, and when he managed to stand on his own Sam got out Dean's toothbrush and toothpaste and handed it to Dean. "Brush your teeth," he ordered gently, and Sam was relieved when Dean took the toothbrush and clumsily brushed his own teeth, getting toothpaste and spit everywhere, and then rinsed his mouth out and wiped his face with the hand towel. Sam then led Dean into his bedroom and handed him some clean pajamas that didn't smell like sweat, alcohol and vomit, and he told Dean to put them on. Once Dean was settled in his bed, Sam actually tucked him in and sat on the edge of the bed looking down at Dean sadly. "It's gonna be all right, Dean." He murmured, even though he knew it probably would never be all right again. He sighed sadly as Dean's hand found his again, and Dean looked up at him with wide-eyes. "Sammy, he hates me," he croaked, and Sam's heart constricted painfully as he shook his head. "He doesn't hate you, Dean." Dean's face crumbled again and he began crying, turning on his side and hiding his face in the pillow, and Sam chewed his lip helplessly before sighing and laying down on the bed beside his brother, holding him close just like Dean did for him after their mom died, when they were little kids.

Castiel awoke a few hours later in a hospital bed, his side throbbed a little but nothing he couldn't handle. He was used to pain after all. He coughed as he tried to sit up. He took in the surroundings. Clean white walls, the steady beep of the heat monitor and…"Crowley?" he questioned, his throat rough and dry. Crowley was sat casually, one leg crossed over the over and stroking Amber in his lap theoretically like a villain from a Bond movie. "Just the fellow," Crowley smirked, looking carefully at Castiel. His injuries were minor but Crowley had insisted on keeping him in hospital for the night. It's not like they could go home anyway. "How you holding up, angel?" Castiel tugged at his hair, using the pain to focus him. "I feel like crap," and not just because of the fire. Crowley handed Amber over wordlessly and Castiel held her tight as she bumped her cold nose against his cheek. "Just be careful not to let her out of this room. It took a lot of persuading to even let her in here," Crowley said as if it had been a burden but Castiel knew it probably only took a snap of his fingers to get what he wanted. "Thank you," he whispered, curling back up with his kitty and falling asleep.

Sam let his brother cling to him and cry himself to sleep, and he kept his arms securely around Dean even after he fell asleep, but Sam lay awake for a long time, trying to think what could have happened between Dean and Cas to make this happen. After a while of laying there restlessly while Dean snored, Sam carefully extricated himself from Dean's clinging arms and replaced himself with a pillow, stepping out of bed and searching through Dean's clothing for his cell phone. Eventually he found it and took one last glance at Dean before stepping into the hall and closing the door behind him. He took a deep breath before calling Cas, feeling angry and betrayed that Cas had hurt Dean like this, but he just wanted to find out what had happened because Dean wasn't saying anything. He waited while the phone rang for a long time.

Castiel awoke to Amber by his side but Crowley was gone. The room was empty and dark. He felt a slight tingling in his thigh and it took a moment before registering his phone was still in his jeans. He managed to take it out and look at the screen. Dean's name flashed in big letters and Castiel's heart skipped a beat. He bit his lip nervously, pressing the device to his ear. He was nervous and relieved. He wanted to make things right with Dean but at the same time he needed to keep him away if they were going to get through this without anyone getting hurt. "Hello?" he said, voice rough from inhaling so much smoke and fumes. "D-Dean, now's not r-really a good time.. I need to keep my voice for tomorrow."

Sam swallowed when Castiel answered the phone in a raspy voice, sounding like he'd been swallowing glass, and he frowned. "It's Sam," he said flatly. "Cas, I came home to find Dean passed out drunk with an empty bottle of whiskey on the floor next to him, and when I got him to wake up he just lost it and couldn't stop crying and I have no idea what the hell is going on between you two, but he's really fucked up." He paused and took a deep breath, stepping further away from Dean's room so he wouldn't wake him up. "Cas, I had to literally get into the bed with him and hold him until he fell asleep. I've never seen him like this, and I'm fucking terrified. So please explain what the hell is going on!" Sam was breathing heavily after his little speech, and he realized that he probably shouldn't have basically yelled at Cas, because he was probably feeling like crap, too.

Castiel sighed, closing his eyes. He really didn't want to hear this right now. He had enough shit to deal with. Still, at least Dean hadn't called him in his drunken state, crying down the phone. That would have completely destroyed him. "Sam.." he started, sounding defeated already. "..we broke up." Castiel could feel tears sliding down his face as he silently cried and held Amber tightly. "Look, yell at me all you want..I don't care. I'm not in the mood right now. I need rest."

Sam took a deep breath and softened his tone. Castiel sounded like shit, and Sam felt bad for yelling at him, but he was still kind of angry on Dean's behalf. "I figured it was something like that." Sam muttered leaning against the wall and closing his eyes helplessly. "What happened, Cas? You two were so perfect for each other. _Are _perfect for each other." Sam couldn't imagine what could've happened between them, and he probably wouldn't understand it anyway, but he just wanted to fix this and see them both happy.

Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily. He really didn't want to talk about this right now. "I did it to protect us. All of us. I can't..I don't want to see either of you getting hurt because of me.." He sniffed helplessly, wiping at his tear stained cheeks. "S-Sammy I don't..I'm still pretty shaken..I'm not in the best of places right now. I-I don't feel like talking a-about this."

Sam bit his lip hesitantly. "Okay, you don't have to tell me what happened, I'm just worried. Dean scared the crap out of me, he drank like a whole bottle of whiskey and then he was sick and delirious and I couldn't get two words out of him..." He glanced back at Dean's closed bedroom door worriedly and sighed tightly. "Look, just... Cas, what about you? Are you all right?"

Castiel bit his lip, he knew Dean would take it bad but he didn't realize it would be _that _bad. He sighed heavily, "No, of course I'm not." How could he be? He just lost the love of his life. He started crying again, tears falling freely down his cheeks. "I just lost the best thing that ever happen to me," he sobbed. "I almost lost Amber and my hand is completely fucked. So yeah, I'm just peachy."

Sam sat down on the floor and played with a fray in his jeans absently as he listened to Cas cry on the phone. Castiel had just said that Dean was the best thing that ever happened to him. "Cas, you can still get him back," Sam told him gently, although he'd heard what Cas had just said and didn't know how likely that was. In Sam's opinion, Cas was just being an idiot and they shouldn't have broken up in the first place, but he didn't want to say that to Cas while he was crying his heart out on the phone. He didn't know what to do, he didn't have much experience with relationships and he wasn't great at giving advice, so he just decided to focus on the part he didn't understand. "Who's Amber? And what happened to your hand?"

"Amber's my cat," Castiel sniffed, wiping his eyes. Amber stirred next to him, sensing his disturbance and pressing her nose against his cheek, mewing softly in an attempt to calm her owner. He tickled behind her ear in response and wrapped his arm around her to keep her close for warmth. "T-There was a fire..I, uh..I nearly lost her..nearly lost myself actually." Castiel laughed humourlessly when he realized he cared more for a cat's life than his own. He found himself not really caring if he died in the fire. His only regret would be leaving Dean behind. "Sammy..I'm tired..can we please..not do this?" he pleaded restlessly.

Sam's eyes widened and he sat up straight. "Shit, Cas! What, you're saying your house burned down?! Are you hurt other than your hand?" Sam chewed his thumbnail anxiously and glanced back at the door, hoping his exclamation hadn't woken Dean up. Sam had no idea what was going on, only that Castiel's house was possibly burned down and he was hurt... and he sounded really broken, too. Sam bit his lip and closed his eyes, trying to calm down. "Jesus. Where are you right now?"

"I'm..I'm in the hospital," Castiel whispered. He was disappointed with himself. That he couldn't go one day without Dean. One day without hurting himself. Although it wasn't on purpose he'd still managed to do so. "Don't worry, Sammy. I-I'm okay. Crowley just said I should stay overnight just to be safe. J-Just..don't tell, Dean. Please? I've hurt him enough. He doesn't need to know this," he said in such a tone that he was almost begging Sam not to tell him. Castiel bit his lip, holding Amber tightly.

Sam sighed again, feeling sick to his stomach. This whole thing was so messed up. None of it should have happened, Dean and Cas were so good for each other and Sam couldn't fathom what possibly could have happened to make them break up, but it wasn't really his business to ask Cas. He'd ask Dean later, when he was sober, but he doubted that would go well. "Cas." Sam murmured sadly, "I'm really sorry this happened. Get some rest, okay? I won't tell Dean about this, I promise."

Castiel sighed in relief, or as much as he could given the circumstances. "Thank you," he said quietly. He hung up the phone and placed it carefully on the bedside table and curled back up on his side. Crowley was standing silently by the door with a cup of coffee in his hand. He sat in the chair by Castiel's bedside and watched over him as Castiel slept. His mom was still in the city and Crowley had told her to stay there until morning when she was thinking straight and in better shape to drive.

Sam waited until he heard the click on the phone before ending the call and then slammed Dean's phone down on the ground, banging his head against the wall and cursing under his breath. This was so fucked up. He took a few deep breaths and stood up to walk slowly back to Dean's room. He set Dean's phone on the nightstand and crawled back onto the bed next to his brother. Dean was still out cold, but he woke up a little when Sam pulled the covers over him. "Wha...?" he mumbled, but Sam just positioned himself behind Dean and tossed an arm over his body to keep him close and sighed into Dean's hair. "It's okay," he murmured sadly, "Go back to sleep." Dean relaxed and fell back asleep almost instantly, his steady snores lulling Sam into an uneasy relaxation and he finally fell asleep some time later.

Castiel awoke in the morning to his mother's voice. He could hear her talking with Crowley in the far corner of the room. "...so I guess we're just going to have to live there until we get this thing sorted," his mom sighed. Crowley rested his hand on her shoulder. "You'd be doing me a huge favour, too. It'll all work out. I promise." Castiel blinked in confusion. "Mom?" Mrs. Novak was by his side instantly, brushing a hand through his hair. "Sweetie, I'm so glad you're okay." Castiel smiled, looking up at her with guilt filled eyes, "Mom, I'm so sorry. I fell asleep and..," Mrs Novak held out her hand to stop him. "Sweetheart, it's okay. I'm just glad you're safe." Crowley stood behind them both, "You can stay with us until the deal goes through." Mrs Novak gave him a thankful smile. Castiel frowned but was too tired to bother asking. He had too much to deal with as it was without whatever his mom and Crowley were planning. He sat up slowly, swinging his legs over the bed to stand up. "I have to get to rehearsals," Castiel said firmly. He needed something stable in his life. Something to concentrate on. Despite tonight's Tony was Dean. He still wanted..needed to go through with it. To prove to himself that he was capable of doing _something _right.

Dean woke up with the worst hangover he'd ever had. He felt like total shit. There was a warm arm around him and he groaned in relief. He leaned back into Castiel's chest and then his eyes snapped open when he realized it wasn't Cas who was in bed with him. Shit. Memories of the previous day came flooding back and he scrambled out of the bed, his legs tangling in the sheets as he landed on the floor with a thud, banging his elbow hard. The sudden movement caused his head to throb and his stomach to turn. The inside of his mouth felt like sandpaper and his entire body ached, and he desperately needed to pee and possibly throw up. Sam's tired face appeared over the edge of the bed and blinked curiously at Dean. "You okay?" He muttered, and Dean shook his head and crawled on his hands and knees out of his room until he reached the bathroom, and he quickly relieved himself and then promptly vomited. Sam knocked on the door a moment later, and his voice came through the door muffled. "Dean, do you need anything?" Dean rolled his eyes miserably. "No, I'm good." He retorted bitterly, his head throbbing painfully. He deserved it. He deserved to feel like crap, because he was crap. No point in fixing it.

It took Castiel twenty minutes arguing with his mom before she let him be released from the hospital and go to rehearsal. Crowley drove him and said they'd see him later tonight after the show. Castiel sighed, staring at the hospital tag still tied to his wrist. He was too tired for this. Thankfully he was the first one there and he had time to figure out how he was going to face Dean. If Dean even showed up. He paced the stage nervously, throwing in a few dance moves here and there and testing out his side. He lifted his shirt and traced his finger of the large bandage covering his gash. He sighed. It didn't hurt too much but once he got up and started dancing he was afraid it might become uncomfortable. He tried some more dance moves, testing out the restrictions and sighed. He wanted his performance with Dean to be _the _night everyone would remember but everything seemed to be just falling to shit and Castiel didn't know what to do.

Dean took a cold shower to try to wake himself up a little more, but it didn't really have much of an effect. He felt like shit. His head ached and he felt sick to his stomach even though there was nothing left for him to puke up, and his mouth tasted disgusting. He brushed his teeth and washed his face and then emerged from the bathroom wearing a towel, and shuffled down the hall to his room to find some clothes to wear. Castiel's clothes, the ones he'd worn the day before, were sprawled haphazardly on the floor, wrinkled and neglected, and the sight made Dean's throat clench. He picked up the jeans and felt around in the pocket, where the ring and guitar pick necklace still were. He left them in there and folded the jeans and the shirt and pushed them out of sight under his bed. Sam came in a little while later, after Dean was dressed, and wordlessly handed him a small paper cup with two pills in it and a tall glass of water. "Come downstairs when you're done with that," he ordered. Sam was already dressed and ready for the day, and Dean nodded miserably in response as he swallowed the pills and chugged down the water.

Castiel spent the next twenty minutes practising and stretching his numb limbs when Meg strolled in and wordlessly came to stand beside him and join in on his dance workout, falling into step easily. It was a while until Meg spoke, causing Castiel to jump. "Castiel, what happened?" Meg asked quietly. Castiel was a little thrown when she used his real name and stopped dancing to look over at her. She stopped too and took his hand and led them to sit on the edge of the stage. Castiel sighed, leaning his head on her shoulder. "I broke up with him," he whispered. Meg wrapped her arm around him and held him close. She hated seeing Castiel like his old miserable self. "Just two shows, Clarence," she said positively, trying to get him to focus on something that wasn't Dean. "Come on," she said jumping to her feet. "You're footwork is still a little sloppy."

Dean trudged downstairs feeling slightly better now that he'd cleaned up and had some water, but his head hurt so bad he wanted to die. He flopped on the couch miserably and curled up, pulling up the hood of his sweatshirt and dragging a pillow over to wrap his arms around. The house phone rang a moment later, and Sam answered it from the kitchen. Dean was too exhausted to eavesdrop, and Sam's voice was a muffled murmur through the house. A little while later, Sam walked in carrying a plate of toast and scrambled eggs with orange juice and set it down on the coffee table in front of Dean before joining him on the couch. "That was Mrs. Harvelle," he announced hesitantly, and Dean could feel Sam eyeing him carefully. "She said that you have to perform tonight because Chuck has food poisoning and can't be in the play tonight, so she wants you guys to just switch weekends." Dean turned to him slowly and bit his lip. Being in the play tonight would mean facing Cas, and he wasn't sure he was ready for that so soon after their breakup. But he couldn't just refuse, that wouldn't be fair to the rest of the people who had been working so hard for this play to happen. Dean nodded carefully and sighed in defeat. "Like I have a choice," he muttered.

Castiel worked hard with Meg, almost forgetting about his home, his cat, his Dean. Just focussing on the dancing when Mrs. Harvelle came in to announce the switch with Chuck and Dean. Castiel fell to the floor, almost on the verge of tears. He tugged at his hair sharply, "It's too soon. I can't do this. He hates me. Hates me. What am I going to do?" he said to Meg, curling up in a ball. Meg managed to lift him up enough for him to lie in her lap whilst he played with his hair so Castiel couldn't tug on it. "You're going to carry on like nothing has happened. We've worked too hard to screw this up, Clarence. I know it's tough but you've got to try. I'm in most of your scenes. I'll be right beside you, okay?" Castiel nodded timidly, reaching out for Meg's hand and squeezing it. "Thank you"

Dean spent the rest of the day either sleeping or trying to psych himself up for being in the play. He decided to focus on the actual role in the play rather than his problems with Castiel, because if he wasn't concentrating the whole play would be royally screwed up and Dean would never forgive himself. Two hours before the play was scheduled to start, Dean walked to school, having left his car at Castiel's. He still needed to get it back, but he wasn't sure how he was going to do that just yet. When he arrived at school, he hesitated outside the door when he heard music coming from within, the orchestra warming up and preparing. He finally entered the auditorium and headed backstage where he literally bumped into Ruby, who gave him a bright smile. "Dean!" she exclaimed happily, "I heard you're filling in for Chuck tonight. Are you ready?" Dean shrugged and gave her a tight smile, and hers faded. "You look like shit," she told him bluntly, squinting at him. "Are you hungover?" Dean nodded miserably and rubbed at his tired eyes, and Ruby poked him in the chest. "This doesn't have anything to do with Cas, does it?" She asked in a dangerously low voice. Damn, she could be scary when she wanted to. He sighed and brushed past her. "Forget it, Ruby." He muttered dismissively, but she grabbed his arm and yanked him around forcefully to face her again, surprising Dean with her strength. "Do you see him?" She hissed, grabbing Dean's chin and turning his head to the stage, where Cas was practicing his dancing routine with Meg, and Dean's stomach clenched. "He's been acting like an emotionless zombie the whole time he's been here, and it's really starting to freak me out. Other people noticed too. So whatever's going on between you two, you need to fucking fix it, understand? In less than two hours, you're gonna have to be on stage interacting with him and if you mess this up, I'm never going to forgive you. You'll make everyone else look bad if you can't keep in character." Shit, Ruby was downright mean. Dean couldn't believe Sam liked her. She did have a point, though.

"Jesus Christ, Castiel! I am two seconds from shoving my foot up your ass! How hard is it to get a simple spin right?! We've gone over it ten times already!" Meg cried, after hours of practise she was really losing her patients. Castiel wasn't getting any better. He needed to sort out his shit with Dean if this was ever going to work. "Just get off the stage," Meg sighed, rubbing her forehead, she couldn't even look at him. Castiel groaned in frustration, kicking the air and storming off stage to sit in the audience. He sat in the far corner at the back, away from the people and in the dark. He began crying almost instantly, hands hiding his face as he silently sobbed. His life was a mess. He couldn't even rely on the one thing he was good at to calm his nerves. He was dancing worse than ever and he was going to ruin everything. He just wanted to go back to the way things were, with his Dean by his side.

Ruby and Dean both watched silently as Castiel stormed off the stage and headed to the back of the audience and sat somewhere in the darkest, farthest corner, where they couldn't really see him anymore. Dean bit his lip. Cas looked really upset, and his dancing was all over the place. Ruby poked him in the chest again, looking right up in his face, and growled, "See? This is what happens when you bring your drama into Drama Club. Too much drama! Now go talk to him, you idiot." She shoved him in the direction of the audience, but Dean hesitated. "Go. I mean it, Dean. If you don't fix whatever pointless problem caused this, you'll regret it." She glared at him threateningly, and Dean relented. He sighed and turned away and headed down the stage. Okay, he could be the braver one. If Cas didn't want to talk to him, whatever. Dean couldn't say he wasn't trying. As he got closer to the row of seats where Castiel had disappeared into, Dean's determined steps faltered a little. Cas was crying, sitting curled up on one of the seats, and Dean bit his lip and hesitated before walking down the row and sitting down, keeping a few seats of space between them just in case.

Castiel heard someone shuffle up and sit near them. His hand made a fist as best it could in its state and he turned his head up to face who he assumed was Meg. "Look, Meg. Just get lo- Dean." Castiel's features dropped when he saw Dean's face. He looked awful. Almost as bad as Castiel..and he'd been in a fire. "I-I wanted to call," he whispered, trying to keep himself together. "I think.." Castiel sighed, shaking his head. He didn't know where to begin. His head hurt. He couldn't deal with this. He ran his hand through his hair, hospital tag still tied around his wrist.

Dean opened his mouth to say something, but that's when he noticed the hospital bracelet and the large bandage around Castiel's hand and wrist, and he frowned. "What happened to your hand?" He asked instead of saying anything, careful to keep his tone neutral. He was concerned but he wasn't sure he wanted Cas to know just how worried he was after Cas had ripped his heart out and stomped on it. He wouldn't be surprised if it was self-inflicted, knowing Cas, but Dean didn't say that, and he didn't hint at it either. He just asked a simple question that could hopefully be answered.

"There was a fire," Castiel said simply, looking over at Dean. "Don't worry, your baby is safe." Castiel wasn't sure why he was being an asshole. He loved Dean, trusted him, would do anything for him but he just didn't know how to act around him now. How to fix things. He wanted to kiss the pain away but Dean probably wanted nothing to do with him after the hurt he'd put him through.

Dean was taken aback by Castiel's cold, sarcastic words, and he clenched his jaw to keep from retorting. That wouldn't be constructive, and it would only make things worse. "I don't care about my car, you idiot." Dean muttered coldly before he could stop himself. The fact that Cas even thought that the thing he would be most concerned about was his car really stung. "Your house burned down?" He asked, softening his tone a little even though he wanted nothing more than to scream and throw things.

Castiel swallowed thickly, he just wanted to hug Dean and kiss him until they forgot all about this. "Yeah. I've still got Amber though. So that's something," he said quietly, not looking at Dean. He wanted to have Dean too. This wasn't fair. Just wasn't. "Crowley said we could live with him until..." Castiel wasn't quite sure what the deal was yet but it was quite clear they weren't staying there for long. He tugged at his hair, rubbing at his scarred cheek.

Dean closed his eyes and leaned his head back with a heavy sigh. "Shit, Cas." He muttered. He wanted to touch him, pull him into his arms and hold him until it stopped hurting, but he couldn't. "This is really fucked up. What are we doing?" He huffed a humorless laugh. "How did this even happen?" he asked in disbelief. Castiel was the love of his life, and were they really going to throw that away because of a stupid fight? Could their lives even get any worse?

Castiel remained silent for a while before trying to speak again. His voice soft and broken, "I'm just trying to do the right thing and protect you. I don't want to see you get hurt." Castiel stared at his hand absently, "My last thought was of you, before I blacked out yesterday," Castiel said, barely above a whisper, soft tears running down his face. "D-Dean, I can't do this."

Castiel's words made Dean's throat ache with the threat of tears, and he stood up and slowly moved to the seat right next to Cas, sitting down tentatively and half-expecting to be shoved away. Castiel was crying and Dean longed to put his arms around him and hold him close but he couldn't. He almost tried a few times, but he forced himself not to touch Castiel no matter how much he wanted to. He settled for placing his hand close to Castiel's, close enough for Cas to reach out and take it if he wanted, but he didn't go any further than that for fear of being rejected. "Cas, listen to me for a minute, okay?" Dean began. "If this is why you broke up with me, this business about wanting to protect me, that's a really lame reason. I'm tough, Cas. I'm not gonna get hurt. Nothing's gonna happen, I can take care of myself."

Castiel watched as Dean moved closer and brushed his hand against his and Castiel let out a low sob. "I'm sorry, I was trying to do the right thing. I ended up just making things worse. I'm so sorry, Dean." He hesitantly took Dean's hand, squeezing it tightly. "I'm just so scared about the future. I-I didn't want to see you get hurt. I thought it would be better to save you the trouble but..I-I just can't do it. I need you, Dean. More than anything in the world and that scares me so fucking much."

"Damn right, you made things worse," Dean agreed dryly, squeezing Castiel's hand back. He didn't really understand Castiel's logic but at least he was being honest, and Dean was relieved that he hadn't been shoved away when he touched Castiel's hand. Cas was clearly falling apart and Dean realized how much of an impact he'd had on his life. Castiel was dependent on him now whether he liked it or not, and the scary thing was that Dean felt the same way about Cas. "C'mere," Dean murmured, leaning closer and opening his arms in forgiveness.

Castiel looked over at Dean with tear filled eyes and leaning slowly into Dean's embrace, wrapping his arms around Dean tightly and burying his face into Dean's neck and drowning in the scent. "I'm so sorry," he repeated quietly over and over again. "I never meant to hurt you. I promise I'll never do something so stupid ever again. I love you, Dean. I love you so fucking much, darlin'. Please forgive me."

Dean sighed in relief as Castiel finally ended up in his arms again, and he wrapped his arms around him gratefully. Tears escaped Dean's eyes and dripped onto Castiel's hair as he held him tightly and stroked the back of his neck softly. "I missed you," Dean murmured, even though it had barely been a day. It was ridiculous exactly how much he'd missed this, and it showed him just how much he needed Cas in his life. "I need you." Dean kissed Castiel's forehead. "I love you." He breathed, just holding Castiel close.

Castiel let a breath in relief, clutching to Dean desperately. "Honey, you've got me," he breathed, pulling back enough to look at Dean. "I won't ever hurt you like that again. I promise." His voice was shaking and he could barely breath, tears fell freely down his cheeks. He hesitated for a moment before leaning in slowly. Slow enough for Dean to stop him before kissing him passionately, yet tender as he clutched desperately at his shirt. He needed that connection again, to feel safe in Dean's arms.

Dean closed his eyes and let Castiel kiss him, cherishing the warmth of Castiel's mouth against his in an intimate, passionately tender meeting of tongues and lips. It was everything Dean wanted and needed, and he felt complete again when they kissed, and he knew everything would be okay. It might take a while, but they'd be okay. When they pulled apart, Dean smiled slightly in amusement through his tears. "Cas, you once told me you'd never let me go without a fight. Makes this a little awkward, huh."

Castiel's warm smile faltered slightly, he bit his lip and looked seriously for a moment. "And I won't," Castiel promised, playing with Dean's hair. "I had to fight myself," he said sadly, looking thoughtfully. It had taken a broken hand and a fuck load of fire to get him to get his demons to come out and play but no matter what they told him he would never leave Dean. He was stronger now because of it. He kissed Dean again, more confident this time. The kiss was sad but passionate and Castiel trembled in Dean's arms. "I'm so sorry," he whispered again.

"I know," Dean murmured gently, kissing Castiel one more time and just holding him close, rubbing calming circles into Castiel's back to try to get him to stop trembling. This was where he belonged, in Castiel's arms, and Dean never wanted to be in anyone else's because nothing could feel as right as this. He sighed deeply and buried his face in Castiel's hair, which smelled like smoke and sweat, and that other scent that couldn't be identified as anything other than just Cas himself. "Come on, we've got a play to put on." Dean said, taking a deep breath and pulling back to smile shakily at Cas.

Castiel kissed Dean once more, firm and hot. Kissing him to the point that he couldn't breath. He moved away, breathing heavily and a faint smile curling his lips. "Thank you," Castiel murmured, really glad Dean was giving him this chance to try again after being a complete idiot. He stood up shakily, but didn't manage to get far and ended up just sitting in Dean's lap and curling up against him. "Thank you," he breathed, kissing him again and wrapping his arms around the other's neck.

Dean laughed breathlessly into Castiel's mouth as they kissed again and he pulled Castiel close, adjusting them so Castiel's back wasn't as twisted and Dean's legs wouldn't fall asleep. It was really good to be doing this again, and with every touch Dean could feel the tension fade until it was almost nonexistent. He couldn't believe they'd actually broken up. It seemed ridiculous, especially since they'd only lasted a day before they went crawling back to each other. "That was really fucking stupid," Dean murmured, kissing Castiel again. "But you won't get rid of me that easy." He kissed him again, unable to stop himself because Castiel's lips were amazing and Dean never wanted to stop kissing them.

Castiel nodded, lips brushing over Dean's. "I know," he whispered, not looking at Dean, ashamed. "I don't want to get rid of you, love. I don't want to do anything that stupid ever again. I was just scared, I panicked and I just wanted to keep you safe." He kissed Dean deeply, moaning breathlessly into his mouth. "I love you so much, Dean," he uttered, kissing him again. "I'm sorry about what I said. Our intimacy means the world to me. There's no where I feel safer than wrapped up in your arms. I didn't mean to make it sound like I didn't care because I do. So much. You mean everything to me. And when I fell down those stairs, fire spreading all around me, all I could think about was you and how much I hurt you. I laid there and thought I deserved this. This is my punishment, Dean and I deserve everything that's coming to me for hurting you."

"Cas, you don't deserve to be hurt, ever. Don't think that for a second, okay?" He stared desperately into Castiel's eyes, breathing hard after they kissed, and stroked Castiel's tired face gently. "Please don't beat yourself up about this. It was a mistake, I get it. What do you say we just put this behind us and forget it ever happened?" Because Dean honestly didn't want to think about this mess anymore. They didn't need this on top of everything else they had to deal with. He kissed Castiel firmly. "Right now, we need to focus on the play. You need to work on that dance sequence and I need to calm Ruby down, because she's going all catty drama queen."

Castiel smiled, "I'd want nothing more than to put this behind us." He was tired and fed up and just wanted to go back to normal. Castiel nodded, agreeing with Dean. "Meg will kill me if I don't get it right." He kissed Dean once more before moving and wiping away his tears before standing up and making an effort to get back up on stage.

Dean sighed and gave Castiel a relieved smile. He could relax now, everything was going to be fine. He had his Cas back and they were okay. He stood up and began walking back to the stage with Cas, offering his hand questioningly, in a gesture of forgiveness and hope that Cas would take it and they could be back to normal.

Castiel took Dean's hand and squeezed it briefly, letting Dean know they were okay. He was really glad they were putting this behind them now. Castiel had been a fool to think he could live without Dean. He needed him like he needed oxygen. "Does my voice sound okay?" he asked quietly, looking up at Dean. "It sounded a bit bad this morning..I just hope it doesn't do that when I sing."

Dean grimaced sympathetically. "It sounds a little rough," he admitted, and then leaned down to whisper, "But I think it's sexy." He grinned slightly to try to lighten the mood, because he really didn't want to think about Castiel's house burned to the ground right now. But then he got an idea. "You know, about your house... you could stay at the cabin if you need a place...?" He suggested uncertainly, "I know you're staying with Crowley and Mr. Singer but if you really want to you could come to the cabin."

Castiel blushed, dipping his head to hide his smile. They were falling back into sync with each other. Castiel looked up at Dean with wide eyes, on the verge of tears again. That place meant so much to them. To Dean. It was his own private place to get away from his father and he was willing to share it with him. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean tightly. "Honey, that's so sweet..but I think Crowley is planning something with my mom. Not sure what yet, I only heard half the conversation but it sounds like they know what they are doing." He kissed Dean's cheek. "It's still really sweet of you though, love."

They had reached the middle of the aisle and were halfway to the stage when Castiel turned to him and hugged him tightly, and Dean smiled and shivered happily, melting into Castiel's embrace and closing his eyes. Castiel's breath ghosted softly over his cheek, and Dean couldn't stop smiling all of a sudden, even as a few tears escaped his eyes. "Okay, I'm glad your mom already worked something out," Dean murmured gently, and kissed Castiel's nose before pulling back and taking a deep breath. "Ready for this?" He asked, nodding towards the stage and holding both of Castiel's hands in his own.

Castiel smiled softly, moving his hand to wipe away Dean's tears with the pad of his thumb. "Not really," Castiel laughed. "I can't make a fist with my right hand, my side is aching like nobody's business and I'm running on painkillers and energy drinks. I don't know whether I'm going to be sick from nerves or illness." Castiel kissed Dean again slowly before leaning back to look at him. "I should probably go get changed. We've got about half an hour until people start walking through that door."

"Wait, what happened to your side?" Dean asked, tentatively fingering the hem of Castiel's shirt and lifting it up just enough to see a white bandage under his shirt. Castiel seemed pretty much okay, though, so he didn't question him further. "You'll be fine," he reassured, although he wasn't sure how true that was. "It's only about two hours long and you get a ton of breaks in between your scenes," Cas had a point though, it was almost time to begin and everybody was probably getting into costume and putting on their stage makeup.

Castiel bit his lip, "I was saving Amber, the stairs collapsed on us and ripped down my side." He pushed Dean's hand away. "I've been practising all day to make sure I can do it and with enough painkillers I seem to be doing okay." He kissed Dean again briefly. "Just go easy on my when we play fight, okay?" A faint smile curled his lips as he led them backstage, hand in hand to get into costume.

Dean winced when Cas described the injury, but he was glad it wasn't worse. Cas was tough when it came to pain, he'd be able to do this easily enough. "I'll go easy on you, babe." The fight scene was choreographed with great detail and Dean would be careful not to make any wrong moves. They walked backstage, which was chaotic with people running around half-in costume with wigs and makeup and stage microphones everywhere, and Dean met Ruby's eyes, and she gave him a knowing smile. Dean nodded at her and gave her a subtle thumbs up, keeping his face straight, and Ruby grinned and continued painting makeup on another girl's face.

Castiel watched as chaos swarmed around them and Castiel dragged Dean over to a quiet corner where there was a wall shielding them away from the rest of the cast. Castiel managed to take of his shirt, looking over at the pile of clothes Meg had set aside with _RIFF _written on a piece of paper on top. Castiel traced his fingers over his bandaged side, pondering. It wasn't a very thick bandage so when he put on the tight fitted t-shirt it didn't show through. He put on the yellow jacket over the top and looked at Dean with a soft smile. "What do you think?"

Dean bit his lip when he saw the bandage, but he didn't say anything because Cas clearly didn't want to focus on that right now. They just had to get through this show and then they could have time to be alone later. He looked Castiel up and down and smiled softly. "You look good," he told Cas, nodding in approval. "You're gonna look great dancing up there." Dean searched around and found a bag with his name on it and looked inside, and then put on his first outfit, feeling strangely nervous and excited. He couldn't believe they were really doing this.

Castiel grinned, leaning up to kiss Dean passionately. "You're gonna sound amazing up there, Dean. It's gonna be a great show." Castiel looked in the mirror and started adjusting his hair to look more presentable. "M-My mom's coming to see the show," Castiel mentioned casually. "I'm glad she gets to see you perform too instead of Chuck." He kissed Dean again. "It's gonna be perfect." He couldn't stop kissing Dean. He was just so happy that they were together again.

Dean smiled at the thought of Mrs. Novak coming to see the play. "She's gonna love it," Dean said, "I can't wait to see her face when she sees you putting that talent to good use." Dean remembered the music box Cas had opened at Jimmy's funeral and the memories from the past, when his dad had crushed his dreams of becoming a dancer, but it was Castiel's passion and Dean was really glad Cas had a chance to prove how amazing he really was. Castiel kept kissing him and Dean couldn't stop smiling and kissing him back. He was really glad they'd solved their problems and made up, because Dean wouldn't be able to do this show without Cas.

Castiel grinned, once he'd fixed his hair and costume they were ten minutes from starting and Castiel could feel the buzz of tension and excitement in the air. "I'm so proud of you, honey," Castiel told Dean quietly, using his better hand to stroke his boyfriend's cheek. "You're gonna be amazing." He rested their foreheads together and just held Dean as he closed his eyes and tried to calm his nerves.

Dean finished getting ready and combed some gel into his hair to get it to stay in its style, and then he simply breathed with Cas, trying to calm down and get himself into the right mood, even though he wasn't even in the first scene. "I'm proud of you, too, Cas." Dean whispered, placing his hand on Castiel's good side and keeping it there lightly to ground himself. Suddenly, Ruby came clicking over in her dance shoes. "Thank God," She huffed dramatically, "I thought you two were going to kill each other. Good to see you guys back to being your sickly-sweet selves." She smiled sweetly despite her sarcastic words, and Dean found himself smiling back at her. She looked beautiful, dressed in her costume with her long dark hair curled into loose ringlets down her back, and even with the obnoxiously bright stage makeup. "You're forgetting something," she told them with a slight smirk, holding up a plastic bag containing makeup. "Both of you, sit down and let me make you pretty." Dean rolled his eyes but did as he was told. "You want the audience to see those nice cheekbones and lips and eyes, right?" She was saying as she dabbed foundation on a sponge and started applying it to Dean's face.

Castiel snickered as he watched Dean be pushed away and manhandled by Ruby into a chair as she started putting make-up on him. "Don't think you can get away with it that easily, Clarence," Meg purred, pushing him into the seat next to Dean and putting on the stage make-up. Meg was already dressed for the part of Graziella and looked beautiful with her hair slightly curled and left at shoulder length. "I'm sorry about earlier, Meg," Castiel said with an apologetic smile. Meg just rolled her eyes, "You will be sorry if you don't get the damn move right," she warned. "Yes Ma'am," Castiel grinned. Once Meg was done with his make-up the show was about to start and Castiel had to get out on to the stage. He looked over at Dean and took his hand, pausing briefly as he went to kiss the knuckles when he noticed Dean's ring was missing. His heart skipped a beat and he bit his lip. He pressed a firm kiss to where it should have been and let go of Dean's hand moving out the chair and onto the stage.

Meg did Castiel's makeup quickly and Dean grinned when he saw Cas wearing makeup. It highlighted his features and made him look more sharply defined, but in Dean's opinion he looked better without it. Ruby snorted and turned Dean's head around to face her again, and he realized he'd been staring at Cas. "Concentrate, Dean." She scolded with a smile. She didn't look nervous at all, but she was born for this kind of thing. Dean was still worried about acting on stage with her because he was nothing compared to her talent. He'd try his absolute hardest to make this good, because he was the lead and he couldn't let everyone else down. When Ruby was done, Dean thanked her quickly and then turned to Cas. When Cas kissed his finger where the ring had been, Dean felt a stab of guilt in his heart and he squeezed Castiel's hand back. There wasn't any time to explain, so he just gave Cas an apologetic look and watched him go onto the stage in preparation for the opening scene. The audience had quieted down and the orchestra had started up, and Cas was there leading the rest of the Jets in a dance around the set of the city.

Castiel walked out to the rest of the Jets as the music started to play, the audience were watching with anticipation and Castiel felt like he was going to be sick. But once he got into the dancing he fell right into character. They danced for a good solid five minutes before the Jets song started and Castiel began to sing. His voice was accented to stay in character but he could feel his voice was weaker than usually. Thankfully the microphone strapped to his cheek helped keep his voice going strong otherwise he would really be straining for people to hear at the back. He danced and sang to his best ability, not wanting to ruin the play. He didn't bother looking for his mom. He thought that would just distract him and he was already a bundle of nerves. He didn't want to make it worse.

Dean, Ruby, and the other girls gathered near the curtains and watched the elaborate dance and fight scene between the Jets and the Sharks on the stage, and Ruby elbowed Dean in the ribs and grinned at him, nodding at Cas, and Dean smiled back and pushed her slightly. "Sam's in the audience," he whispered in her ear, and she blushed and smiled even wider, and Dean turned back to the stage to continue watching Cas dance. This was the first time he'd seen the full scene in one go, costumes and everything, and Dean felt a chill of nerves shudder through his body. This was real, he was going to go on the stage in a few minutes and be acting. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying not to panic, and Ruby reached for his hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

Castiel finished the song with the rest of the Jets, the transaction between this scene to the next was different from the movie. The Jets all mingled for a moment and Riff said goodbye and catch you later as they all left casually, talking amongst themselves. Castiel sighed and leant against part of the set as Dean came in carrying a crate of Coke bottles. "Tony, you're not even listening to me," Castiel complained, keeping his accent in check as he started to follow Dean across the set. Castiel wasn't an actor. He was a dancer, but tried his best to stay in character.

The song ended and the rest of the Jets started to depart the stage casually, and that was Dean's cue. He swallowed and took a deep breath and grabbed his prop, the crate of coke bottles, and carried it out onto the stage. He said his first line smoothly, although he barely heard himself and wasn't really registering what was going on, but he went through the motions he'd rehearsed. When he met Castiel's eyes for the first time on stage, everything snapped into place and he breathed a sigh of relief, falling easily into character as he and Cas played off each other and exchanged the lines smoothly. When the play fight came, Dean was careful not to be too rough with Cas. He grabbed Castiel's good arm and spun him around, giving Cas his cue to fall to his knees on the ground and Dean twisted his arm behind his back, careful not to pull too hard, and smirked down at him, saying his lines.

Castiel played against Dean easily, delivering his lines confidently. When it came to the play fight Castiel winced slightly as he fell to his knees but soon turned it into a smirk which he pulled off easily enough. His side throbbed but he didn't let it show. He said his lines and pushed Dean away slightly so he could move into the sitting position as they continued the conversation. Castiel couldn't see Dean, just Tony and Castiel was so proud of Dean because of it. He was doing really well. Castiel stood up and straddled one of the crates, sitting next to Dean.

Dean leaned closer to Cas as he straddled the cart, eyes wide and earnest as he talked in a clear, dynamic voice, and he barely felt like himself anymore. He was Tony, and he was feeling the character's emotions easily. Castiel was doing amazing and Dean felt more confident than he thought he ever would on stage, while still feeling slightly dizzy and dreamlike at the same time. Dean heard his next cue, the one that told him it was time to stand up and continue carrying crates around.

Castiel sighed, standing up to follow Dean as he delivered his lines. He was finding it so easy to _be _Riff and the fact scared him a little. That he could pretend to be someone else so easily. He said his last line and shook Dean's hand, running off the stage as the next scene went into Dean's song. Castiel went straight to the back corner again to change into his shirt and tie for the dance. Meg smiled reassuringly at him. "You're doing good, Clarence. Just don't screw up the dancin' you hear?" Castiel nodded, taking off his t-shirt and examining his bandage. He grimaced a little as the blood seeped through a little but not enough to be worried about. He took a couple more painkillers and sat back in his seat, too nervous to watch Dean sing.

Suddenly, Dean was alone on the stage and the orchestra played the introduction to his song. Dean stepped forward and listened for his entrance, and then he began singing the song. Instead of just closing his eyes and standing there like he wanted to, he moved around the stage and moved dynamically to keep himself looking interesting during the slightly slower song. He was the only one on the stage, with the spotlights beating down hot on him and causing his palms to sweat. He ignored it and sang with the excited anticipation that was expected of his character, and he was thrilled by the way his voice projected out into the audience and forced himself to gaze around, meet people's eyes occasionally, which was stunningly exciting. Everyone was watching him, and he felt confident. He was doing this, thanks to Cas.

Castiel could hear Dean's voice echo as everyone back stage had gone quiet and were all listening to Dean sing. Most of them had been expecting Dean to be okay. He was just the understudy after all but something about the way Dean emoted in his solo sent shivers down Castiel's spine and he simply closed his eyes and listened as Dean's voice washed over him making the dull throb of his side easier to ignore. Meg was the one that snapped him out of his daze by slapping him upside the head. "Shirt, now," she ordered and Castiel nodded, getting back to the matter at hand and dressing for the dance.

Dean's song faded out and then the lights dimmed for a quick scene change, and Dean exited the stage and the crew moved the next set in place and set everything up quickly. The next scene was Maria and Anita in the dress shop, and Ruby fell right into character instantly. Dean watched for a short moment before heading over to Castiel breathlessly, grabbing a tissue on the way and dabbing the sweat off his forehead carefully so he didn't smear the makeup, and he grinned. "Hey," he whispered quietly, giving Castiel a hug even though he was in the middle of buttoning up his shirt. "You were amazing! How's your side holding up?"

Castiel grinned when Dean came back and hugged him back despite the awkward position they had with Castiel still sat in a chair and trying to button up his shirt and hug Dean at the same time. "So were you," Castiel whispered with a blush. "You totally nailed that song." Castiel finished buttoning up his shirt and started on the tie, sticking his tongue out in concentration as he tried to tie it. "I took some more painkillers, should do the trick until I can rest after the show," Castiel said with a soft shrug.

"Thanks," Dean murmured, gently pushing Castiel's hands away so he could do up the tie himself since Cas was obviously struggling with it. He made quick work of the tie and tightened it enough to look good but not too much to be uncomfortable, and then he placed himself between Castiel's knees and rested his hands on his shoulders, looking down at him in concern. "You hang in there, all right?" Dean breathed.

Castiel looked up at Dean in awe, he was so beautiful and caring and Castiel had to force himself not to cry. Meg would kill him if he ruined the make-up. Castiel stood up carefully, slipping his yellow jacket back on and looked at Dean's lips, wanting nothing more than to kiss him but Meg came over and grabbed his hand. "Come on, Clarence. Time to dance." Castiel smiled softly at Dean and followed Meg out as they waited for their cue and went on stage with the rest of the dancers.

Dean sighed in mild frustration as Meg dragged Castiel away just as he was beginning to lean in for a kiss, but he headed over to the curtain to wait for his entrance. Cas and Meg entered the stage quickly with all the other dancers and the music changed to the swing number in the beginning of the scene where everybody began dancing. Cas and Meg were in the front, easily visible by the audience, and Dean smiled proudly when he thought of Castiel's mom seeing Castiel dance like this. Soon, Ruby entered the stage again, wearing the white party dress, and Dean waited for his turn to enter. Once the mambo was in full swing, Dean strode onto the stage and began acting his part again. It was exciting and chaotically organized, and everybody was smiling genuinely as they followed the intricate steps. Dean stood off to the side with the other people who weren't dancing and clapped along to the beat as he watched the dancers. Castiel was pulling moves Dean didn't even know were possibly, despite his injuries, and it was really amazing to watch.

Castiel couldn't stop smiling, he'd managed to get all the moves right and was dancing smoothly with Meg at the front and leading everyone else to the same moves. Castiel felt so at home, despite how much his side was hurting. They continued to do the Mambo, swinging and shaking and everything was perfect and fun. The crowd soon eased into three paired dancers who stayed on stage in the background as Tony and Maria are the main focus and slow dance together. Castiel and Meg stayed at the back and Meg gave him a look that told him not to look over at Dean and loose focus.

The lights changed and the movement all around calmed down and left Dean and Ruby in the center stage standing under a soft spotlight, facing each other and swaying slowly to the music as they stared into each other's eyes in awe. Ruby was so good she was actually intimidating and Dean was determined to stay perfectly in character, not miss a step, and hit all the notes. They began their dance, taking small steps and dancing around each other tentatively, perfectly in sync. Dean's heart was pounding in nerves by the time he had to say his lines, but it fit anyway because Tony was supposed to be a little awestruck and nervous.

Once Dean and Ruby had said their lines the music started up again and everyone started to dance faster again. Castiel just saw the end of Dean kissing Ruby and he felt like he was going to be sick but he pressed on and told himself they were just acting. It didn't mean anything. Castiel stepped in with his line as Tony fought with Bernardo. Next came the conversation about the war council with Bernardo and before Castiel knew it he was back off the stage as Dean had to sing again. Castiel sighed and slumped down at the side of the stage, his side playing up a bit. Meg watched him carefully, sitting by him and watching Dean sing.

Dean prepared himself for his next solo and the stage cleared again while a scene changed happened and it was dark on the stage with a soft spotlight over him, and he sang the song confidently, amazed at his own bravery and how each time it got easier. At one point in the song, Dean spotted Mrs. Novak in the audience and he met her eyes for a moment before he had to look away before he got too emotional. After Dean's solo was over, he headed offstage to Castiel again while Maria, Bernardo, Anita, and all the other Jets prepared for their scene during the scenery change. Dean and Castiel could both have a little break during this next song, America. He sat down beside Cas and pulled Castiel over to rest his head on his shoulder, seeing how exhausted and strained Castiel looked. "You doing okay, babe?" He whispered worriedly, hoping Castiel wasn't in too much pain. Dean exchanged a worried glance with Meg over Castiel's head.

Meg shrugged, she didn't know about the fire and just guessed Castiel was tired. She moved away to give them some spaced and Castiel leant against Dean letting out a low sigh. "These painkillers aren't working, honey. I need somethin' stronger," Castiel said quietly. He closed his eyes for a moment and worked himself up for his next scene. Thankfully it wasn't for a while so he had time to rest. "You were amazing, darlin'," Castiel smiled, looking up at Dean and cupping his cheek with his good hand.

"Baby, I wish there was something I could do," Dean murmured, leaning his warm cheek into Castiel's cool hand. "You're just gonna have to push through this and wait until we're done," Dean told him, "But once we're done here I'll get some ice for you to put on it and find somewhere for you to lie down." Dean kissed Castiel's temple gently and continued watching the lively scene on stage. He was really enjoying this more than he thought he would, but he wished Cas wasn't in pain.

"It's okay, love," Castiel reassured, shifting so he was more comfortable and resting his head in Dean's lap. "I can do this," he told himself more than Dean. He adjusted again so the throbbing wasn't as sharp and sighed softly. "Come back to Crowley's with me," Castiel pleaded, looking up at Dean and tracing his jaw. "I don't want to be alone tonight."

"Okay," Dean agreed with a soft smile, wanting nothing more than to run his hands through Castiel's hair and kiss his face, but he forced himself not to. It would mess up his makeup and hairstyle and they had plenty of time for that later. He looked down at Castiel's head in his lap and settled for rubbing his hand slowly over Castiel's chest, shoulders and stomach in large, soothing circles. "You're not gonna be alone, Cas."

Castiel smiled, closing his eyes and leaning into Dean's touch. "Thank you," he whispered, grateful Dean was still willing to be there for him. Castiel moved his head when he could hear the song come to an end and Dean's cue to get on stage for the next scene. Castiel smiled at him and whispered, "No tongue." before shoving him gently in the right direction.

Dean rolled his eyes playfully and ran onto the stage at the right time, crying, "Maria!" and looking around desperately before finally coming to a halt under a balcony and he looked up to see Ruby standing there gazing down at him. The stage was mostly dark for the night scene, except for the soft white spotlights shining down and the light coming from the apartment windows in the set. Dean and Ruby acted the scene smoothly and Dean managed not to fall on his ass when he was climbing up the scaffolding to get closer to Ruby.

Castiel leaned back against the wall and watched as the scene played out, getting a nice view of Dean's butt in the process. He watched as they sang perfectly together. It wasn't long until Castiel had to go on stage for the next scene and Meg was hauling him onto his feet as they walked onto the stage, arms wrapped around each other. Castiel tried not to wince as Meg laid her dainty hands across his waist and he was grateful when they moved apart and the scene begun.

The plot progressed and Dean was feeling good about things. It was going really well. It seemed so short in comparison to all the time they'd spent working to perfect each scene, and before Dean knew it the climax of the action was happening, the fight between the Jets and the Sharks. Dean had never seen this scene played out completely, and he watched intently as it happened.

By this point, Castiel was glad he got to die. His limbs were trembling from the adrenaline and his side was throbbing like no one's business. The probably the soon occurred was the blade fight between himself and Bernardo. Castiel had forgotten to tell the kid playing Bernardo to put the fake knife through his right side so when the swing came, the rubber blade went straight to his bandaged side and Castiel yelped out in pain. To the audience, it just looked like Castiel was a bloody good actor and the special effects team had done a really good job on the blood seeping through Riff's shirt. Castiel groaned, clutching at his side, falling to the floor and trying his best to stay in character. Just a few more minutes and you can see to it, Castiel thought, trying his best to pretend to be dying.

Dean winced and had to press his fist against his mouth to keep from making a noise as Castiel cried out in pain. Dean leaned forward on his chair and bit his lip anxiously, not taking his eyes of Castiel. That was clearly a real cry of pain and it was definitely real blood staining his shirt. The idiot playing Bernardo had actually stabbed Castiel in the side where the bandage was, and it wouldn't have been nearly as bad if it went to Castiel's other side. Hushed murmurs of concern and confusion came from the other students as they looked at Cas with a mixture of worry and amazement; nobody knew if he was really hurt or if he was acting. Soon it was Dean's cue to go onstage, and he managed to stay in character as he knelt over Castiel and placed his hand on his chest, poking him subtly to make sure he was okay. Dean felt tears already welling up in his eyes which was perfect because that was just what the scene needed, but Castiel looked dead and that was the last thing Dean wanted to think about.

Castiel was on the edge of dying as Dean knelt by him, covering his hand over his heart. Castiel used what little energy he had left to lift his hand up to Dean's face, bloodied fingertips dragging along Dean's jaw before collapsing back to his side with one final gasp for air that Castiel used to keep him going before he could get off the stage and breathe normally and check his wound. His head rolled to the side and his eyes closed as his face pointed out towards the audience. He could feel the tension up on stage. Could feel Dean worrying beside him, and he had every right to be worried. Castiel was bleeding because that jackass had stabbed him in the wrong place.

Dean gasped slightly as Castiel touched his bloody fingers to his face, and he felt the wetness of Castiel's blood on his cheek, but he didn't bother wiping it off. That touch wasn't in the script, and Dean was frozen for a moment, uncertain of what to do. But Castiel kept going and played it well, and even though he was only pretending to be dead, it still gave Dean chills. A sob escaped him and he didn't try to contain it, and he stood up, muscles tense, as he slowly turned to Bernardo and lunged at him more fiercely than he probably should have. The kid's eyes were wide and full of genuine fear, and Dean really hoped that everything stayed under control, because there was so much tension on the stage and Dean wasn't sure what was real and what was acted. The fight scene ended with Chino shooting Tony, and Dean collapsed on the ground beside Castiel. Maria, Ruby, came running over and they sang their last song together as Dean pretended to die, and Ruby cried dramatically over him and then stood up, taking Chino's gun and aiming it at everyone.

Castiel was still lying on the floor, facing the audience but he could feel Dean collapse beside him and that meant the play was almost over. Castiel was grateful. He was in so much pain, he was having a difficult time focusing on staying still. He listened as the place went quiet and the sound of feet moving across the stage filled the room as one by one the cast left, leaving the dead on the floor. The lights dimmed and the audience burst out into applause as the curtains closed. Castiel rolled over to face Dean, whimpering as he clutched at his side. He gritted his teeth to stop from crying out. All he had to do was get through the bows and it would be over. "Help me up," Castiel groaned faintly, using one hand to hold his side and using the other to press against the floor as he tried to push himself up.

As soon as the curtains drew closed Dean immediately sat up and turned to Castiel. "Shit," he muttered, "Shit, he really stabbed you! Are you okay?!" Dean pulled Castiel to a sitting position and eventually got him to his feet and led him off the stage to sit in a chair offstage. People surrounded them and were congratulating each other excitedly, but when they saw that something was wrong everyone gathered around to see if Cas was okay, and Dean had to tell them to back off and give Cas some room. The kid playing Bernardo ran over and looked apologetically at Cas, staring in horror at the blood seeping through his shirt. "Oh my God," he groaned, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry... Are you okay?" Dean grabbed his shoulder and eased him back out of the way.

Castiel unbuttoned his shirt, the bandage well and truly covered in blood and Castiel groaned when he tried to touch it. He buttoned the shirt back up half way and used Dean as support to stand up. He looked over at the kid playing Bernardo who genuinely looked petrified and he felt kinda bad. "It's okay, I should have mentioned it. Just go for my right tomorrow, okay?" Castiel leaned against Dean and made him help him out to the stage with Meg on his other side and Ruby and the other's joining smiled, taking a bow as if his side wasn't on fire. Despite his injury, it felt amazing to have such a welcoming response. He felt a part of something. "I need a drink," Castiel whispered, wincing slightly as he continued to smile. He leant in closer to Dean and kissed him softly, holding his blood stained chin carefully in his trembling hand.

Dean laughed slightly as Castiel kissed him on stage during the bows. That was probably a bit confusing to people who didn't know they were dating, because it really had nothing to do with the plot. The audience was cheering enthusiastically anyway, so Dean kept his arm around Castiel's waist to hold him steady and kissed him again before grinning widely at the audience. The curtain went down again and Dean held Castiel up as his legs threatened to give out, and he breathed a sigh of relief that it was over and he could sit Castiel down in a chair. People crowded around worriedly and it was chaotic. Dean unbuttoned Castiel's shirt and peeled off the bloody bandage, staring in horror at the ugly gash that had reopened and was bleeding down Castiel's side. He balled up Castiel's bloody shirt and pressed it against the wound firmly to stop the bleeding.

Castiel let Dean sit him down again and watched as people crowded around them and began to panic. His breathing quickened as Dean started to peel of his shirt and Castiel grabbed for Dean's jacket, putting it on but leaving it open for Dean to work on his wound. He didn't want anyone seeing the cuts on the inside of his arm. This was bad enough and everyone as watching and Castiel felt like he was going to cry. Castiel groaned, gritting his teeth as he bared through the pain. Meg had run off and come back with the nearest first aid box, handing it to Dean wordlessly and getting people to move back and give them room. "Dean, you gotta stop staring at me like that. You've seen worse," he whispered, looking at Dean sadly and apologetically.

Dean cursed under his breath; he'd forgotten about the scars and none of these people had seen Castiel with his shirt off before. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Shit, I'm sorry, Cas." Dean found a large pad of gauze and a roll of medical tape, and he made quick work of the wound, taping either side of it so it would stay closed and stop bleeding, and then he wiped the rest of the blood away with the ruined shirt. "Let's get out of here," he said quietly, pulling Cas to his feet. "Are you okay to walk?" He carefully stroked Castiel's hair back, keeping an arm around his waist to support him. Dean nodded reassuringly at some of the concerned faces. "He's okay," he told them, "It's fine, nothing to worry about." He wasn't sure if that was true, but he wanted all of these people to stop hovering around them because it was making him nervous.

Castiel bit his lip, looking up at Dean. "It's okay, honey." He didn't mind that Dean forgot. Sometimes that just made things easier. It was just with all these people around that it made him nervous. He clung to Dean as he hauled him to his feet. "I think so. Just don't go too fast." Castiel was feeling light headed and just needed to lie down and sleep. They made it past the mob of people and went out into the hallway and Castiel slumped against the lockers. "Fuck," he breathed, clinging to Dean and leaning his head against his shoulder. "Please tell me we can leave soon," Castiel said to Dean, smiling at people who past and offered their congratulations.

Dean opened his mouth to reassure Cas that they would definitely be able to leave soon, but a voice behind him made his blood run cold. It was his dad. "Dean." He said coldly, and Dean froze, eyes wide as he stared into Castiel's eyes in absolute horror, and then he swallowed and slowly turned around, but he didn't let go of Cas. He stepped slightly in front of him as a protective instinct, even though he wanted nothing more than to run and hide. This couldn't be happening. John's eyes were wide with anger and shock, and he stared at Dean like he didn't know him. Sam ran up to them and slowed to a stop when he saw the scene, running his hands through his hair in despair and sighing in defeat. "What the fuck is going on, Dean?" John growled, "What are you doing hanging around with that faggot?" Dean couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't do anything. The silence between them stretched out painfully and Dean had never felt more scared in his life.

Castiel swallowed thickly as he heard the voice that had haunted his dreams for years. He looked from Dean to John, his heart in his mouth and watched as Dean froze to the spot. He carefully slipped past Dean and stood in front of him, protecting Dean as best as he could. "So glad you could join us this evening, sir. Did you enjoy the show?" Castiel said in a placid tone, trying to keep things neutral, ignoring the insult. From what John had called him in the past that was putting it mildly. "Wasn't Dean amazing? You must be very proud of him," Castiel said, standing his ground and refusing to let John started a temper tantrum with Dean.

Dean watched in confusion as Castiel stepped in front of him in his already vulnerable state, and Dean snapped back into his senses when Castiel spoke. He stepped closer to Cas and grabbed his wrist, ready to yank him back out of the way if he needed to. He didn't take his eyes off John for a second. This wasn't supposed to happen. John was staring at Cas in disgust. "Don't touch my son," he growled, taking a threatening step forward and raising his fist, and Dean jumped in front of Cas and shoved him back and John's fist connected with Dean's shoulder instead of Castiel's face, and Sam ran forward and grabbed John's arm to stop him from throwing another punch. Dean was knocked down from the force of his dad's punch, and he scrambled back up to his feet quickly and shoved Cas away. "Get out of here," he hissed, eyes wide with fear. "Just go, I'll be fine."

Castiel was thrown back when Dean moved him and he shook his head when Dean tried to send him away. "No, I'm not leaving you like this," Castiel said, trying to stand his ground for Dean. He wanted to show him just how much he loved him by standing up to his demons, to John. He stood back in front of Dean, more determined than ever. He saw Sam trying to fight his father from throwing another punch and he bit his lip trying to stand his ground. "I'm surprised you still think yourself worthy enough to call him your son," Castiel spat coldly. "It's not like you've ever acted like a father to him." Castiel knew this would lead to another punch but he didn't care. He'd take the wrap if it meant keeping Dean safe.

Dean met John's eyes with a remorseful look after punching him, but he didn't say anything and that look of regret was quickly overshadowed by rage as Castiel spoke. Dean rubbed his aching shoulder and pulled Cas back so they were standing side by side, shoulder to shoulder. "Cas, you idiot," Dean muttered defeatedly as John's face turned red with anger and he stepped closer to them. "What did you just say to me, boy?" He murmured in a dangerously low voice. Sam stepped in front of Dean and Cas, placing himself between them, and held his hands out. "Dad, don't do this," he pleaded, but John simply shoved him out of the way dismissively. "Who the fuck do you think you are?" John continued, and Dean clenched his jaw and braced himself.

Castiel looked at Dean with a mixture of hurt and guilt. He was just trying to do the right thing. It had to be said. The last time he'd let John walk all over him and he came out of it with years of anxiety attacks, nightmares and an ugly scar. Well no more, God damn it. He wasn't going to stand for this again. "You heard," he said simple, standing up to John as he tried to tower over him. "Castiel Novak," he introduced with a sour smirk. "You might remember me better as that kid that you cut. Well, I go by a different name now, and that's Dean's boyfriend." Castiel took a step forward, trying not to wince as he moved. "You gonna hit me or what?" he asked impatiently, his voice a low growl, standing inches away from John.

Dean felt like throwing up. This was the exact scene from his worst nightmares, and here it was playing out in front of him. He could only watch numbly as Castiel stepped forward and stood up to John, and Dean had never seen anything braver. Castiel was the most beautiful, important, treasured person in Dean's life and he'd already been hurt enough. He didn't need to get hurt again because of Dean. "Dad." Dean choked out in a rough voice, attracting John's attention and forcing him to look away from Cas. "Dean, is that true?" John hissed dangerously, narrowing his eyes at Dean. Dean had never been more scared of his own father, but he wasn't scared for himself. He nodded firmly. "He's my boyfriend." He confirmed, taking Castiel's hand bravely. Sam groaned quietly in the background, but he was ignored by everyone. John looked between the two of them and backhanded Castiel across the face before either of them could react, and Dean shoved Cas behind him again and nodded to Sam to go see if he was okay while Dean positioned himself between Cas and John, falling into a defensive stance and watching John closely. Sam grabbed Castiel's arm and held him back out of John's reach.

Castiel winced as John smacked him across the face. He'd been expecting it but it didn't mean it didn't hurt any less. Castiel clenched his jaw and met John's eyes, watching out the corner of his eye as Dean stepped back in front of him in an attempt to protect him. His attention was snapped back over to Sam when he reached for his arm, he wriggled in his grip trying to get out of Sam's hold and back to Dean. He needed to save him, protect him. He managed to grab Dean's hand and pull him back a little, whilst still trying to get away from Sam's hold. "Dean," he whispered but it wasn't heard. His side hurt too much and his head was throbbing. He felt like he was going to pass out and the only thing holding him up was Sam.

Sam wrapped his arms tightly around Cas and pulled him back against his chest, taking a few steps back, and didn't let go of Castiel. He could feel the guy trembling in his arms and he just held him up. "Cas, don't." He begged quietly, "Please, you're hurt and it definitely won't help anything if you get punched. I've got you, man."

John looked back and forth between Cas and Dean, and Dean couldn't read the expression in his eyes, but he didn't like it. "We're going home," John muttered, leaving no room for disagreement, and he snapped his fingers. "Now!" He shouted, and Dean stepped back until he reached Cas and Sam. "Cas, listen to me." Dean murmured quickly, "Find your mom and get out of here. Go!" Sam let go of Cas and then pushed him in the opposite direction, eyes wide. "Cas, just go, please." Sam begged.

Castiel looked at Dean helpless and wide-eyed, desperately grasping for his hand. "Honey, I'm not leaving you with him," Castiel said, shaking his head. John was dangerous and Castiel feared for Dean's life if he left him with the man. Castiel knew what he capable and the thought alone made tears slide down Castiel's cheeks.

Dean gently cupped Castiel's face in both hands and wiped away his tears even as tears fell from his own eyes. "Cas, please. I'm begging you, just go. It's gonna be okay, I promise." He choked out, and then John came and grabbed Dean's arm roughly in one hand and Sam's in the other, and pulled them away from Cas down the hall and then shoved them in front of himself, making sure they kept walking. John turned around and pointed at Cas. "You. Get out of my sight. If I ever see you near my boys again you'll be sorry, understand? Take this as a warning." Dean shook his head tearfully at Cas to beg him one last time not to follow. Dean wouldn't feel better until Cas was as far away from John as possible.

Castiel watched as the love of his life was violently ripped from his life. John's words meant nothing to him. He would die fighting for Dean. If it wasn't for the pleading look on Dean's face, Castiel would have ran after him. But Castiel did as Dean begged and stayed out of the way. He held his hand out as if to reach out for Dean and watched as John pushed his boys away and it was only when Castiel couldn't see them anymore did he fall to the floor, a pool of tears and blood littered across his skin and clothes as his cheek pressed against the cool tiled floor and darkness drew in as he finally passed out.


	27. Chapter 27

Bitter tears fell from Dean's eyes as he and Sam were escorted out to John's car. Nobody said anything. There were so many things fucked up about this situation; it was Dean's first time being in a play and despite the fact that his father disapproved, he'd been hoping for even a little pride, but there was only disappointment and disgust. And not only that, but Castiel was the love of his life and it killed Dean that John hated him so much. Just because he was a guy. All three of them got in the car, and they sat there silently for a moment, no sound except for Dean's quiet sobs filling the car. Suddenly John slapped him across the face, earning a startled yelp from Dean and a gasp from Sam, but nobody moved for a moment after that. "Dean, what the hell is wrong with you?" John demanded angrily. "Why did you let that disgusting queer corrupt you? You're not gay!" Dean drew in a shuddering breath and tried a few times to speak, but he couldn't get the words past his throat. John hit him again. "Answer me, Dean!" He bellowed, and Dean shrunk back. "I'm sorry," he croaked, "Dad, I'm... I am gay."

Castiel awoke to something tingly in his hair, he batted it away thinking it was a spider but found something warm and solid that caused him to open his eyes. His mom was staring down at him with warm eyes, playing with his hair as his head sat in her lap in the back of Crowley's car. "Dean," he sobbed, the words dissolving flat on his tongue. His mom shushed him gently. "Get some rest, sweetheart. You lost a lot of blood," she said quietly. It was dark out and the only light was when the street lamps illuminated the inside of the car momentarily before darkness came over them again. He could just about hear Bobby murmuring about something to Crowley but for the best part, from what Castiel could tell, was that none of them knew about John and what had just happened. Castiel tried his best to tell them but his ragged sobs and laboured breathing caused the words to clog in his throat and he got himself all worked up to the point that he found himself not breathing. Just choking on nothing. His mother rubbed his back soothingly, instructing him to take deep breaths. Castiel didn't bother trying to explain after that. He was too pained and exhausted. He soon found himself being dragged back under, eyelids drooping as he fell back into uneasy sleep.

Dean closed his eyes and tensed in preparation for the violence that was sure to follow Dean's declaration, but nothing happened. Dean opened his eyes tentatively when his dad simply started the car, but that was worse. John's jaw was clenched and his hands shook with anger as he fumbled with the keys and then peeled out of the parking lot. "We'll discuss this at home, Dean. I'm very disappointed in you." Dean didn't respond in any way, and John said nothing else. What followed was the longest, most terrifying car ride of Dean's life, and he didn't even want to move in case his dad would hit him again. Dean had never been more scared of his father before, and he could only hope that Sam would stay out of trouble. Dean met his brother's eyes in the rearview mirror and noticed the tears streaming down Sam's face, his hazel eyes wide and terrified, and Dean almost sobbed out loud when he saw his brother like that. Sam looked just like he did when he was a little kid and had just been told about their mother's death, and Dean had to look away. This was his family, and it was falling apart before his eyes.

Castiel awoke again in an annoyingly familiar room. The steady sound of the heart monitor washing over him. "Wha-" Castiel breathed, blinking as the dim lighting caused his vision to blur. Mrs Novak got up from her seat and sat on the edge of his bed, smiling sweetly. "Sweetie, you're awake," she said in relief, squeezing his hand. "You wouldn't wake up so we brought you here. The doctor said your injuries had gotten worse and they had to put stitches in." Castiel was grateful for her brief explanation Castiel didn't have the energy to listen for long. "Dean," he croaked, looking around the room in hopes to see his boyfriend. Mrs Novak shook his head, "He's not here, sweetheart. Just get some rest, you'll see him tomorrow."

When they finally reached their house, a tight knot of dread formed in the pit of Dean's stomach. "Get out of the car," John ordered through clenched teeth, and Dean obeyed shakily, and as soon as he was on his feet he found himself being dragged by the back of his shirt into the house, his feet stumbling underneath him as he struggled to find his footing. Sam followed closely behind the two of them, hastily wiping his eyes, and once they were inside John slammed the door pushed Dean to the floor. "I warned you to stay away from that faggot," John growled, fists clenched at his sides as Dean struggled to his feet again and stood facing his father uncertainly, "But did you fucking listen? No!" John slapped Dean's face again and sent Dean reeling back a few steps, and Sam screamed something and caught Dean before he could lose his balance. "And look what happened!" John roared, gesturing to Dean's outfit and face. "My son becomes a fucking pansy. A queer who sings and prances around stage like a fairy." Dean's heart broke at that. "Dad, all I ever wanted was to make you proud-" Dean stammered, but was cut off by another slap to the face. "Shut your mouth," John hissed, looming close and dangerous, only this time it was worse because for once there was no alcohol on his breath. "Dad!" Sam begged tearfully, "Dad, stop, please stop." John turned his attention on Sam and pointed a finger at him. "You stay out of this, Samuel." He growled through clenched teeth, and Sam backed up a step in alarm but still stayed close to Dean. "Why did you even come to the musical?" Dean asked daringly, glaring up at his dad and waiting for another punch or backhanded slap. John glowered at him, pure hatred in his eyes, and Dean swallowed in terror. "I went because I wanted to see if you were as good as they said you were." Dean bit his lip hopefully, but no compliment came. "I had no way of knowing that this would be how I found out you're a queer."

Castiel shook his head, "Dean..he's," Castiel started crying again, lying on his side and curling up into a ball despite the ache and pain of his side. His mom rubbed his back gently, trying to soothe him. "Don't worry about Dean, sweetheart. You just concentrate on getting better for the play. You were amazing up there, petal. I'm so proud of you and Dean. My little stars." Castiel continued to sob silently and he very much doubted there would even be a play tomorrow. He and Dean were too messed up. Whatever John was going to do to Dean had Castiel on edge. Just picturing what he was doing to him made Castiel retched over the side of the bed, a stream of tears covered his vomit stained lips as he let out ragged breaths. Dean was as good as dead and it was all his fault.

"I won't have a queer in this house, Dean." John was saying, grabbing Dean by the front of his shirt and dragging him forward so their faces were close and John lowered his voice to a dangerous snarl. "This family's already broken enough without you fucking things up. So you're gonna have to make a choice. You either stay here and forget about ever seeing that faggot again, or you leave. Take your pick." How was Dean supposed to choose? Tears flowed freely down his cheeks as he stared back at his dad, shaking his head slowly. "No," he whispered, "Dad, please... you don't understand-" John interrupted forcefully. "What's it going to be, Dean?" Dean had nowhere to go. He had no money. He had Sam here, he couldn't just leave his little brother alone here, but he supposed if he left John would never accept him into the house again. Dean was lost. "And if you choose to leave and I find out you've been seeing Castiel, you're both gonna regret it." Dean's heart sank. Cas was hurt and Dean wanted nothing more than to go to him, but now he couldn't even do that. He would be endangering Castiel if he did, and that was the last thing Dean wanted. But he couldn't stay here, not now. "Goodbye, John." He muttered tearfully, shoving past his father and grabbing the keys to John's car on the way out. His own car was still at Castiel's, and he didn't care how, he just needed to get out of there. He didn't even consider John to be his dad anymore, which is why he called him by his first name. Before Dean left the house, he looked sadly at Sammy, who was crying and taking a step towards him only to be held back by John's arm. "I'm sorry, Sammy." He whispered, and closed the door carefully behind him, not knowing if he would ever be allowed back inside. He managed to hold it together until he got into the car and began driving away as fast as he could, when he completely broke down and started crying. He didn't know where he was going, only that he was driving too fast, running right through red lights, missing stop signs, and nearly hitting some late-night pedestrians, but he didn't care. He needed to escape somehow. Suddenly, a bright light filled his vision and a horn blared, and before Dean could even react, a truck slammed into the driver's side of his dad's little old car and Dean knew no more.

Castiel sobbed into the pillow, desperate to have Dean in his arms and tell him everything was okay. Dean's hands in his hair and kissing Castiel's temple tenderly. His breath mingling with Dean's as they locked lips affectionately and melted into one another. "It's okay, baby, I've got you," Dean would murmur, holding Castiel in his big, strong arms. Castiel's breath shuddered as the warm fuzzy feeling dissolved and reality sunk back in. He felt cold and more alone than ever,sitting in a hospital bed, the only comfort provided by the dull beep of the monitor, telling Castiel he was still alive. Castiel had insisted his mom went back to Crowley's for some much needed rest. It was only logical at least one of them got some shut eye. So that's how Castiel found himself alone, bleary-eyed and numb. The dim lights illuminating the room with a sickly glow that made the whole place look out of focus and surreal. It gave Castiel a headache and he found himself struggling to keep his eyes open because of it. Within the blink of an eye, the once ghostly corridors flooded with life. Doctors and nurses crowding around a bed as they wheeled it through the hall, shouting orders at one another. It took Castiel a moment to register what was happening. His eyes focussed on the patient and his heart sunk, "D-Dean," he breathed in realization. He scrambled out from his bed, pulling out whatever needles they'd shoved in him and almost tore out his stitches just trying to get out of the bed. He groaned in pain but he didn't care, he needed to get to Dean. Nothing else mattered. "Dean," he called out, following as they took his boyfriend into the next room and began setting up machines and equipment that Castiel didn't understand. He leant against the bed, his legs all but failing on him as he placed both hands gently over the side of Dean's face. "Dean, honey, can you hear me?" His face was wide-eyed and full of fear, to scared to cry at the thought of loosing Dean. "Oh God, Dean," he breathed, one of the nurses pulling him away so the doctors could set to work. Castiel was too exhausted to argue. He fell into a heap on the floor, the nurse's arm wrapped around him as she tried her best to support him. "Come on, honey. Let the doctors do their job," the nurse said gently but firmly as she got him to his feet and moved him from the room.

Sam was stunned for a moment as the door to their house clicked shut with a finality that made him shudder. He couldn't move, it was as if he was paralyzed, and John sighed heavily and trudged over to the refrigerator and took out a beer, which he began drinking in huge, desperate gulps. Sam watched in disbelief. John had just exiled Dean from their home. "What kind of father are you?" He breathed in horror a moment later, causing John to turn around angrily. "I gave him a choice, Sam!" He shouted, "He chose to go. That's final." Sam's eyes narrowed dangerously and he shook his head. "Then I'm going to give you a choice." He growled, "Either you call Dean right now, apologize, and get him back here, or I'm joining him. Your choice." Sam spoke in cold voice, heart pounding fearfully at what he was doing. John shook his head dismissively and looked away from Sam and said nothing more, so Sam didn't know if that was a victory or a loss for himself. He stood there staring at the floor for a few more minutes, thoughts turning over in his head as he repressed the urge to punch his father in the face, when the phone rang suddenly and startled them out of their thoughts. John was quick to answer it, and Sam stayed where he was. "Hello?... Yes, I'm John Winchester... my son.. Dean?... Shit... Oh my God. What... Yes. Yes, I understand... we'll be there in ten minutes." John's voice got progressively louder and more anxious, and Sam watched with wide eyes as he slammed the phone down. John didn't look up at Sam. "Dean's been in a car accident," he said quietly, and Sam's heart skipped a beat and his knees nearly gave out. "What?" He croaked, his throat too tight to form words properly. "Is he...?" John grabbed Sam's arm. "Go get in the minivan," John ordered, shoving him towards the garage, and Sam obeyed, feeling like he was in a dream. John came outside a minute later and started the engine. They hadn't used this car since Mary died, because it was more practical for a whole family to use and there wasn't any need for it. John pulled out of the driveway so fast that Sam clenched the door handle until his knuckles were white, but it seemed to take forever to get there. Once they were parked, Sam and John ran into the emergency room doors and John hurriedly spoke with the receptionist. Sam bounced up and down on his feet nervously.

The nurse restraining another patient, the boy who had run into the room after Dean Winchester and then collapsed on the floor, was panicking. She'd seen the injuries on Winchester herself, and she'd been working in the practice long enough to know that it was pretty serious. Even as she sat on the floor with the boy, the doctors were frantically swarming around the patient and hooking him up to various machines to keep him alive, shouting out orders and medical terms that she really didn't like the sound of. All she knew was that she had to get this boy out of the room. He didn't need to see this. "Come on," she urged gently, helping him to his feet. "You need to rest. The doctors will take care of him." She soothed, even though she knew there was little hope.

Castiel shook his head, on the verge of tears as he moved back up towards Dean's bed. "You don't understand, he's my boyfriend." Castiel was panicking. He didn't know what was happening. Whether John had done this to him and if so was Sammy hurt too. His mind was going a mile a minute and the throbbing in his side was playing up again. He clung desperately to the hope that Dean would wake up. "Dean, honey, can you hear me?" Castiel said, voice wavering as he caressed his cheek before the doctors pulled him away. Castiel turned back to the nurse wide-eyed, grasping her by the shoulders. "John Winchester. He is NOT to come near him. Do you understand. John Winchester. H-He did this to him. You cant let him come in here, please, listen to me." Castiel was shaking, possibly from the blood loss, or fear or both. He was finding it difficult to stay on his feet and found himself falling back to the floor as he clung to the poor woman. "John Winchester," he said again, trying to make sure she got the message.

The nurse nodded frantically and gripped both of the boy's arms to keep him from lunging towards the bed again, because the doctors were getting out the defibrillators to jump start the patient's heart. She turned him around and guided him firmly out of the room and into the hallway. The last thing this boy needed to see was his boyfriend covered in blood and burns and shocked back to life. "Okay, honey, I promise I won't let John Winchester in here. But you need to come with me right now." She guided Castiel back in the direction of his own room after reading the tag on his wrist, and they had to walk by the entrance to the waiting area as they did so, and another boy came running through the swinging doors straight towards them. "Cas?" He cried breathlessly, eyes wide, and he turned to the nurse. "Where's Dean?" He demanded, looking terrified. "I'm sorry, sweetie but he can't have any visitors right now," She said reluctantly, beginning to worry about having to deal with two anguished and worried loved ones. "He's my brother!" The boy exclaimed tearfully, "Please, I have to see him." The nurse took a deep breath. "Go to the waiting room," she instructed, "I'll see what I can do. But stay there, all right?" Sam nodded miserably and trudged back to the waiting room, where he sat in a chair and didn't say anything. John was pacing the room nervously. There were a few other equally worried looking family members in the waiting room, but everyone was staring at Sam and John with both curiosity and sympathy.

The nurse led Cas back to his room and helped him lay down on his bed. "You ripped out your IVs," she said in mild disapproval, setting about fixing them.

Castiel bit his lip as he watched Sam burst in through the doors, he wanted nothing more than to tell him everything would be okay and hold him close but then he saw John and he made sure to hide before John could catch wind that Castiel was here too. Once he was back in his room he rolled his eyes, IV drips were the least of his concern right now. He needed to make sure Dean was okay. "That boy, his name is Sam," Castiel said in a hushed voice, paranoid John could hear him despite being in a different part of the building. "But the guy with him..that's John Winchester. Dean's dad. You can't let him in under any circumstances. He's...it's not safe. Just please..," Castiel grasped the woman's sleeve keeping here from leaving. "Please promise me you won't let him near my Dean. He's hurt him enough." Castiel was crying now and he let go of the nurse and curled up on himself, sobbing into the pillow.

As the nurse finished fixing Castiel's IV drips and making sure his bandages were still secure, the poor boy began to cry and the nurse sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his back soothingly through the thin hospital gown he wore. "I won't let him in, I promise," she said, although she really had no right to prevent a father from visiting his son. She didn't entirely understand the situation, but Cas seemed very serious about it and she didn't want to upset him further. "I'll talk to the doctors," she murmured in a calming voice, "Nothing's going to happen to Dean. Now, you try to get some rest, all right? I'll come and get you if anything changes." When Castiel wasn't looking she injected a mild sedative into the drip bag so he could calm down and continue to let his body recover. She sat with him for a moment longer and continued rubbing his back until his crying slowed and he began to calm down. "I'm going to go speak with the doctors now, all right? I'll be back to check on you in about ten minutes." She left the room and hurried down the hall to the Critical Care ward where Dean was. She glanced in the door and was relieved to see that they'd managed to start his heart again, but the mood in the room was anxious and the doctors kept looking at the heart monitor like they were afraid it was going to stop at any minute. One of the doctors came away from the table and left the room, pulling off his gloves and mask as he hurried towards the waiting room with an anxious expression on his face.

Castiel felt something sharp swirl through his veins, he felt warm and fuzzy and he tilted his head up to look at the IV drip but it looked the same. It felt different but Castiel was too tired to care. The nurse could have drugged him to the extent of killing him and he still wouldn't give a shit. He was too busy worrying over Dean, his poor sweetheart. He remembered seeing the doctors huddling around Dean, doing something to his chest. Surely they weren't...No. Dean was strong. There was nothing wrong with his heart. He could pull through this. He had to. Just had to. Castiel stared absently out of the window, tears streaming down his face as he was caught between the sedated world of bliss and care-free attitude and the word of crippling anxiety and guilt.

Sam looked up in shock as a doctor slammed open the doors and rushed into the room. "Winchester?" He called breathlessly, and Sam and John both jumped up and hurried over to him. "Yes," John replied in a tense voice, and Sam bit his lip and wrung his hands anxiously. "Please, sit down." The doctor requested, and Sam and John did so quickly, while the doctor pulled up a chair in front of them. "Your son Dean is in critical condition," He informed John, "The accident caused severe trauma to his torso and head. To be exact, he has a collapsed lung, four broken ribs, internal bleeding, severe burns on the left side of his torso and left arm and shoulder, and a major concussion that may have caused some brain trauma as well, we're running tests right now." He paused to let that information sink in, and Sam felt the blood drain from his face as he heard the wounds. "Is he gonna be okay?" He asked in a broken voice, almost not wanting to know the answer. The doctor sighed tightly and leaned forward, making sure to meet both of their eyes. "It's hard to tell right now," he informed them gently, "I'm sorry, but I'm not sure. We're doing everything we can to help him, and I'll keep you updated on his condition. Hang in there, all right?" The doctor patted Sam's arm briefly and shook hands with John. Only when the doctor left did Sam look at John. He looked emotionless and Sam couldn't understand it, and it made him angry until he saw the tears in John's eyes. John looked up at Sam and they gazed at each other tearfully for a moment, but Sam didn't reach out to touch his father or seek comfort of any kind. John stood up after a moment and left the waiting room, probably to get a coffee to have something to do to pass the nervous time spent waiting, and Sam took advantage of the opportunity to casually walk towards the doors. He soon spotted the familiar nurse who'd been taking Castiel down the hallway, and he called out to her. "Excuse me," he said, "Can you show me where Castiel Novak's room is? Please, he's a close friend, I need to see him." The nurse hesitated, but Sam gave her puppy eyes and she sighed. "I'm going to lose my job," she muttered, gesturing for Sam to follow her. "This way." Sam sagged in relief and followed her down the hallway. "Thank you so much," he said once they were at the doorway, and she smiled sadly and opened the door. Sam walked into the room hesitantly, and tears fell down his cheeks when he saw Cas lying on the hospital bed. He pulled up a chair beside the bed and sat down in it.

Castiel gasped as Sam found his room, fresh tears running down his face. "Sammy," he breathed, sucking in a breath as he tried to take control of his voice. "Sammy, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. This is all my fault. I was just trying to protect you both and I made things worse. Sammy, I-I..I'm so sorry." Castiel sniffed, breathing lightly as the sedatives numbed the pain and yet enhanced it at the same time. "Have they said anything yet? Is Dean okay? They wouldn't let me stay with him. I want my Dean," Castiel felt pathetic and clingy but he didn't care. He managed to lie on his good side and stare absently at the wall. "I just want my Dean," he repeated in a flood of tears, choking on a sob.

Sam reached desperately for Castiel's good hand and held it tightly with both of his hands, sobbing openly. "Cas, don't." He begged, "Just stop talking, it's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself for this. It's nobody's fault, my dad's just a fucked up, idiotic asshole." He drew in a shuddery breath and let it out in a shaky sigh that ended on a sob. "They don't know.. they don't know if he's gonna make it, Cas." He managed to choke out, and then he broke down in sobs, his head falling forward to rest on the edge of the bed, and he sobbed into the clean white sheets that smelled of disinfectant. He didn't know what to do, it felt like his world was falling apart, and everything was hanging in such a delicate balance. What if Dean didn't make it? What if he died, then what would happen to him? What would happen to Cas? Sam tried to force himself to stop thinking about the what-ifs.

Castiel felt like time had stopped, his heart was in his mouth and he felt like he was going to throw up again. "He..H-He can't," Castiel cried breathlessly. Dean couldn't die. He refused to believe it. If Dean died, what was left of Castiel would too. There'd be nothing holding him back and then Sammy would be all alone. Castiel coughed violently, choking on his tears. He shook his head in disbelief. "He's gonna make it. He just has to." Castiel wiped his tears and started to get out of bed again, half falling as he did so. "I have to see him."

Sam caught Castiel before he could collapse to the floor and sobbed bitterly. "Cas, I don't know if that's such a good idea," he choked out, "You look kinda drugged up." Castiel was swaying on his feet even though Sam was holding him up, and then he spotted a wheelchair in the corner of the room. He sat Castiel on the edge of the bed and went over to get the wheelchair. "Here," he said, guiding Castiel into the chair and then pushing it out the door. They nearly collided with the same nurse who had been in earlier, and she gave them a disapproving look. "Boys, what do you think you're doing?" She asked, and Sam sniffed and wiped his tears. "Please, just let us see Dean. Just really quick. Please." He begged, and the nurse looked between the two of them sympathetically before giving in and leading them down the hall to the Intensive Care Unit, where Dean was lying on a hospital bed in a large, bright room, hooked up to a breathing tube and ventilator and covered in bandages. His face was pale underneath all the bruises, scratches and smoke smudges, and a doctor was adjusting some of the machines. "I can't let you in the room just yet so this is as close as you're going to get to him for a little while, until the doctor says he's allowed to have visitors. Sam wanted to throw up. Dean barely even looked like Dean. He looked small and weak on the hospital bed, so still that Sam would think he was dead if it weren't for the heart monitor blinking beside him.

Castiel was silent, he didn't cry, he didn't throw up he just watched. Watched as the one thing in his life that meant something was degraded to the small helpless boy in front of him. Watched as he knew exactly what Dean was going through, feeling every twinge every ache as it coursed through his own body in sympathy. Castiel had dealt with a lot of pain in his life. He'd been beaten to a bloodied pulp, sliced and diced and almost brutally murdered..twice. But if someone asked him what hurt the most. He would have said this moment right now. This moment where he would sell his soul to be in Dean's position. To take the pain instead of him. He couldn't even comfort him and Castiel could feel his insides shrivelling up into nothing. "When can I see him?" Castiel asked patiently, not taking his eyes off Dean. He needed his love and you could be damn sure Dean needed his baby too.

The nurse glanced down at Cas in the wheelchair and bit her lip. "As soon as the doctor says you can." She said gently, because she honestly didn't know when that was going to be. All three of them watched silently as a nurse hooked yet another blood transfusion up to an IV in Dean's arm and they worked on keeping him alive. Sam couldn't even hold back his crying anymore. He sobbed quietly into his hand, tears making a mess of his face as he watched them doing things to Dean, completely helpless. He stood beside the wheelchair and held Castiel's hand tightly, feeling lost but a little less alone with Cas beside him. The nurse touched each of their shoulders and said, "You boys stay right here, okay? I'm going to go speak with the doctor now." The nurse hurried into the room and took the surgeon aside. He'd just performed emergency surgery on Dean to save his collapsed lung and internal bleeding, and was washing up and removing his gloves and protective suit. "There's two boys outside, the patient's boyfriend and brother... I don't know what to tell them," she said to the doctor, and he sighed grimly. "There's not much to say," he replied, "I honestly don't know if this one's going to pull through. I'll talk to them soon."

Castiel almost hadn't realized Sam was holding his hand, and pretty damn tightly too. Castiel was in his own little world and refusing to look anywhere but Dean. He watched as packs of blood where transitioned and connected to Dean to keep him alive. Castiel wasn't an idiot. He knew what the odds where. He'd been in enough fights to be able to judge injuries and Dean looked like he was on the edge. Castiel needed to get into that room. He needed to talk to Dean. Talk him back to life. It sounded stupid but Castiel knew what it was like to be in pain, alone and giving in to temptation. If Dean could just hear his voice maybe the light at the end of the tunnel wouldn't look so appealing after all.

Sam looked up in anticipation as a doctor came out of the room and approached the two of them slowly. "I'm Dr. Tran," he introduced, shaking both of their hands. "Sam," Sam managed, "I'm his brother. And this is his boyfriend Castiel." The doctor nodded politely to both of them and cleared his throat. "You have to understand that Dean has suffered a great deal of trauma," he began carefully, "And as of right now, the odds aren't looking so great, I'll be honest with you." Sam squeezed his eyes shut and pressed a hand to his mouth to keep from sobbing out loud. "But that doesn't mean anything," he reassured, "There's a very real chance that he might survive this, but we can't be sure until we run some more tests on his brain function." He paused and looked between them sadly. "We won't give up on him," he promised, "We're doing everything we can to get him on the road to recovery."

Castiel didn't hear anything the doctor just said. Just muffled half-hearted promises that they knew they couldn't keep. Castiel had dealt with a lot of doctors with Jimmy and he knew they were just full of crap. Their sentiment was worthless and unnecessary. The time they took pretending to care could be used on actually saving someone's life. Castiel hated hospitals. Hated doctors. Everything about this didn't sit right with him. "I want to see him," he demanded quietly, still gazing right at Dean through the glass. "And don't give me that crap about no visitors. My presence won't make a damn difference unless I bash in his oxygen tube and rip out his IV drip. Which is obviously not going to happen so I'd like to see him. Now."

Sam looked hopefully at the doctor, who looked taken aback by Castiel's demand. "Please," Sam begged, "Please let us see him." Dr. Tran looked flustered and uncertain, and Sam held his breath. Finally, the doctor sighed and relented. "All right, fine. I'll let you see him but I can only give you a few minutes. He's in a very critical state right now and several of his injuries need to be tended to more thoroughly, and he needs to be monitored closely." Sam sighed gratefully and thanked the doctor repeatedly, fresh tears pouring from his eyes as the doctor led them into the room. Sam pushed Castiel into the room in the wheelchair, leaning heavily on it as his legs threatened to give out at the sight of Dean lying unconscious on the hospital bed with tubes and wires surrounding him.

Castiel was wheeled in by Sam but his eyes remained on Dean's stationary frame. He sat by his bedside, making sure not to touch any of the equipment and make things worse than they already were. Castiel was too afraid to cry in Dean's presence. He had to remain strong for Dean. One of them had to at least. Dean was bruised and covered in tiny cuts and still some blood and dirt from where the nurses hadn't had time to clean him due to his condition. He was too fragile for it. Castiel traced his trembling fingers over Dean's jaw, sucking in a breath as his throat threatened to realise a sob. "You were amazing up on that stage tonight," Castiel crooned, voice barely above a whisper. "All those people, cheering for you. Everyone clapping and looking up in awe and admiration, just for you. For their Tony." Castiel moved his hand down Dean's arm and tenderly entwined his fingers with Dean's. "And you'll do it all again, I just know it," Castiel continued, voice trembling but he forced himself to stay strong. "The way you take the stage and make it your own. You look at peace, so relaxed. It's like you're home."

Sam's entire body was trembling as he neared Dean's bed. This was his worst nightmare, seeing Dean as vulnerable as he was right now. Dean was Sam's whole world, and seeing him like this was devastating. "Dean," he choked out, unable to say anything else even as Castiel was somehow strong enough to speak in full sentences. Sam could only watch. He carefully moved around to the other side of the bed to take Dean's other hand, being careful of the IV in the back of his hand and the bandages on his arm and he held his brother's limp hand gently. He slid his fingers around to Dean's wrist to feel his pulse reassuring against his fingertips, and simply looked at Dean's face, but there was no response of any kind. "Dean, please..." he whispered on a sob, bringing his brother's hand up to his lips and holding it there, saying a silent prayer of desperate hope that Dean would be okay.

Castiel could hear Sam falling apart in the background and it broke his heart but he needed to be strong for them all. He'd dealt with pain all his life. And despite how much it hurt he knew how to handle himself and needed to show the brother's the way if they were going to get through this. "And Sammy's here too," Castiel crooned, rubbing his thumb gently over Dean's hand carefully. "He's so proud of you, Dean. We both are," Castiel continued, guessing Sam was too choked up to speak properly. "And I know y-you can hear me, love. I-I-I know you're hurting deep down inside but baby y-you've gotta fight it, okay? W-We'll be waiting, right here." Silent tears rolled down Castiel's cheeks but he didn't dare make a sound that indicated to how he was feeling. Just a small whimper escaped his lips before he composed himself and tried to speak again. "We're here for you, love. Just...don't let go." His last words died on his tongue as he brought Dean's hand to his lips and kissed the knuckles tentatively.

Sam couldn't keep himself together. He leaned his head forward to rest on the edge of the bed, and cried silently, still holding Dean's hand carefully in his. Dean's skin was cool and clammy, and there was no response whatsoever from Dean and Sam felt helpless. He looked up when he heard footsteps near him, and met the eyes of Dr. Tran. "Can he hear us?" Sam asked in a small, shaky voice, and Dr. Tran looked thoughtfully at Dean. "It's hard to say," he admitted, "Dean is in a coma, and some coma patients are able to hear and sense their surroundings, but there's no way of telling." Sam nodded slowly, and then asked his next question. "When is he gonna wake up?" Dr. Tran's face took on a careful expression that made Sam's stomach clench anxiously. "If he hasn't suffered significant brain damage, there's a chance that he could wake up in about 24 hours. But it could be much longer," he warned, "And the results of his brain wave scan haven't been processed yet. Right now, he's not breathing on his own, but his heart is beating steadily, so we're going to keep a close eye on him and wait and see."

Castiel heard the doctor waffle on about how Dean might not wake up but he wasn't listening. He gripped Dean's hand just a little tighter before letting go of it a placing it back carefully on the bed. He reached out to move a piece of hair out of Dean face and watched him closely. How the contraption strapped to his nose and mouth helped him to breath and Castiel bit his lip worryingly. He rested his hand back down to entwine with Dean's and he looked up seriously at Dr. Tran. "You cannot let his father in here," Castiel warned, his voice low and dangerous. He couldn't stress enough how much he did not want that man anywhere near Dean. Castiel had had the last few years to imagine what he would do if he could get his revenge on the man and this was the last straw. If he walked through those doors there was no stopping Castiel. He would do whatever it takes to keep John away from the three of them.

Sam watched the doctor carefully, biting his lip. Dr. Tran looked troubled, but he was watching the way Cas and Sam were gently holding Dean's hands, and he rubbed the back of his head uncertainly. "Is your father a violent man?" He asked Sam carefully, and Sam nodded immediately. "Yes, he hit Dean like three times before Dean ran out of the house and drove away." He said in a shaky voice. Dr. Tran frowned in confusion and looked between Dean and Castiel. Sam sighed miserably and rubbed his eyes. "It's because he found about about Dean and Cas," he explained vaguely, staring at Dean's face glumly. Dr. Tran looked at Cas. "Did John Winchester hurt you, too?" He asked.

Castiel watched Dr. Tran closely, the fact that he was hesitating made Castiel angry. What part of 'keep this man away from him' did he not understand. His face paled and he clenched his jaw when Dr. Tran asked him the question. It was a vague enough question. Obviously he needed enough information to have the authority to keep the man away from his own son but it still hurt Castiel. He cleared his throat and answered simply, "Yes, knife wound to the cheek about a year ago. He doesn't like me because I'm gay and he abused Dean today because he found out we were dating." Castiel looked away, checking on Dean and rubbing his cheek subconsciously. "Dean's 18, that means he doesn't need parent's consent for the surgeries or anything, right?" Castiel asked curiously. "So, legally speaking he doesn't need to be here. You can send him away?" Castiel knew it was a long shot. There was probably some legal loophole that meant they couldn't just do that but Castiel was at an end. He just needed a way of keeping John out of the picture and keep them all safe.

Sam reached across the bed with his other hand and grabbed Castiel's hand to try to calm him down a little, joining the three of them in a circle. He looked sadly at the scar on Castiel's cheek and felt a stab of hatred for his father. The fact that a human being could do that to a kid was sickening. He was learning things about his father that he hadn't wanted to know, and he wasn't sure what he defined as family anymore. Dr. Tran sighed and shook his head apologetically. "I'm sorry, but Mr. Winchester is listed as the legal guardian of Dean, and there's not much I can do." Sam's heart sank, but he knew there wasn't a choice. "It's okay, Cas. I'll talk to him before I let him in here." He muttered defeatedly. Dr. Tran continued. "You boys can report the violence to the law enforcement, and they might be able to help you with this... I'm sorry, but I can't interfere." Dr. Tran really did look regretful, and Sam closed his eyes and squeezed Castiel's hand. "I swear to God I'll protect you," he murmured to both Cas and Dean.

Castiel sighed, squeezing Sam's hand as much as he could with his busted hand. "No, Sammy. You're not letting him in here. Have you leant nothing from this?" Castiel couldn't believe what he was hearing. He turned to look at Dr. Tran. "I understand you can't interfere but you have a moral obligation to keep your patients safe. There must be something you can do," Castiel said desperately. He wouldn't let this man in and hurt them again. He just wouldn't. "Just give us some time. Tell him to come back in the morning. Just give us time, please. We can work this out. I am NOT letting him go anywhere near his boys do you understand?"

Sam looked at Castiel with tears in his eyes and stood up, walking around the bed to lean down and hug Castiel awkwardly, while Cas was sitting and Sam was standing, being careful of the bandage. He buried his face in Castiel's shoulder and cried quietly, grateful and amazed at Castiel's strength when Sam was so weak. Cas was taking care of them, standing up to the authorities despite the difficulties when Sam couldn't, and he couldn't be more grateful for Cas. Dean was lucky to have him. Dr. Tran watched the two of them sadly. "I'll see what I can do," he promised, "Mr. Winchester is in the waiting room right now and I assume he's trying to get in to see Dean, but I'll have someone tell him that visitors aren't allowed." He looked at Sam earnestly. "But that means you'll have to return the waiting room with your father so he doesn't suspect you're back here. And you," He said to Cas gently, "You need to go back to bed soon, you've lost a lot of blood and need to get some rest."

Castiel was taken a little of guard when Sam hugged him. He'd always been the one to initiate the hug and it felt a little strange for someone else to want to embrace him. He held Sam carefully as he sobbed into his shoulder and Castiel rubbed his back, easing him down. Castiel considered Dr. Tran's plan for a moment. Castiel didn't like the idea of leaving Dean alone, although he had every intention of sneaking back later. However, with John restricted to the waiting room it gave them time to notify the right people who could insure Dean's safety from his father. Castiel nodded, "Okay, just make sure he stays there," Castiel said, looking over at Sam. "Are you going to be okay with him?" Castiel felt bad about leaving Sam with him but it was the only chance they had to keep them all safe.

Sam backed away a little and straightened up, wiping his eyes and nodding steadily as he looked down at Dean again. "Yeah, I'll be fine, Cas. Don't worry about me, worry about yourself," he said, frowning at Castiel's pale, tired face and the dark circles under his eyes. He took a deep breath and looked back at the doctor. "I'll, uh..." he pointed loosely in the direction of the door and started to shuffle away, taking one last look at Dean. He wanted to give Cas a few minutes alone with Dean before he went back to his room and rested. Meanwhile, Sam headed back to the waiting room slowly, trying to compose himself before he needed to go back and face his father. When he walked into the room, another doctor was talking to John quietly, and John was seated with his hands folded, looking back at the doctor with a concerned, tight face. Sam sat down near him, but he didn't really listen to the conversation, and John didn't look up at him.

Castiel turned back to Dean and squeezed his hand lightly, dipping his head to hide his tears. "C-Could you give me a minute," Castiel asked quietly, never taking his eyes from Dean's closed ones. He looked pained and somewhere inside of him Castiel was sure he was screaming to get out. "It's okay, love. I'm here, I've got you. You're gonna be okay," Castiel whispered, almost like a prayer. He kissed Dean's hand again but this time kept the hand to his lips as he told Dean over and over how they'd be okay.

The doctor finished talking and shook John's hand, smiling reassuringly at both of them as he walked away, and Sam watched as John sat completely still, staring down at his hands. The doors opened and a teenage boy in a wheelchair was pushed through, his leg in a cast. Both of his parents and his little sister jumped up to meet him, all smiles as they hugged their son and pushed him out of the hospital. Sam didn't realize he was glaring at them until they left. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair how that boy had a loving family and was going home safely with nothing more than a broken leg while Dean lay in the balance of life in death, with a violent father, a helpless brother, and an injured boyfriend waiting for him to get better, and they couldn't even all wait together. Sam felt as though he had nobody to turn to, and he'd never felt more lost in his entire life.

Castiel brushed back Dean's hair gently, trying to keep it out of his eyes. After spending countless nights, laying by Dean's side it was hard for him to picture Dean as 'just sleeping'. He could see the pain behind his eyes, the unspoken scream and Castiel felt sick to his stomach. He held Dean's hand gently in his and rested them on the bed. Castiel felt tears begin to fall down his cheeks as he silently sobbed, his whole body shaking as he watched his boyfriend fight for his life. Castiel found himself singing quietly to Dean, trying to rid of the ache in his heart. He sang the song that Dean had sung to him. The song that made him feel wanted. The song that made him want to keep going. And that was Perfect by P!nk.

Some time passed and eventually Dr. Tran headed back into Dean's room to collect Castiel and take him back to his own room. He gently eased Castiel away from his boyfriend and wheeled him back to his room. The nurse from earlier met them in the hallway and took over, helping Castiel get settled in his bed and pulling the covers up over him, fixing his IV with the mild sedative to relax him and keeping the fluids dripping into his veins to get his blood level back up and give him more strength. "Sleep now, Castiel." She said, softly stroking his hair and looking at him sympathetically. "Everything will be better when you wake up." She murmured, although she had no way of knowing if that was true. She turned off the light and closed the door to give him some peace and quiet.

Castiel didn't argue when they tore him away from Dean. He didn't want to cause a fuss. He waited until a few hours past before getting back out of bed, making sure to be careful about taking out his IV drip and stumbled for the wheelchair, still feeling a little dizzy. He quietly made his way back to Dean's room and sat in the wheelchair by Dean's bed, holding his hand and smiling sadly at his boyfriend "I'm back, love," he whispered. "Just like I promised. I'll always come back." He kissed Dean's hand and rested his head against the side of the bed, listening to the faint sound of Dean's breathing as he drifted off to sleep with the little comfort that Dean was safe and nowhere near his father.

Sam and John sat in the waiting room for hours until it was early morning, and they both fell asleep. When Sam woke up, he was startled to see that John had somehow moved him to the couch and had covered him with his battered leather jacket, but what was even more shocking was that Sam was using his father's lap for a pillow. Sam looked up at his father's face in shock and saw that he was asleep, and was having confused feelings about his father. He'd stayed here all night to wait to see Dean rather than going home, and even when Sam fell asleep he tried to make him more comfortable. Sam bit his lip and debated whether or not to sit up, but he was surprisingly comfortable, so he went back to sleep, taking advantage of the situation while he could.

Castiel awoke in the morning, his neck throbbing in pain from the position he'd slept in but he didn't care. He looked up at Dean to see him in the same state as yesterday which both calmed him and worried him. He wasn't getting better but he wasn't getting worse either. That was the main thing. He kissed Dean's temple delicately as he brushed his hair back. "Morning, love. It's Sunday today," Castiel wasn't sure why but he was sure Dean could hear him and he wanted to make sure he was aware of how much time was passing. He didn't want him to be going insane inside. Castiel pressed his lips to Dean's jaw, a substitute to his lips seeing as the mask was still across his nose and mouth to help him breath. "We're gonna get you better, so you can come home to me," he whispered, holding Dean's hand loosely.

The nurse came into the room to check Dean's vitals, and she jumped when she saw Castiel sitting by the bed. "Castiel!" She gasped, placing a hand to her chest to calm her racing heart. "You scared the crap out of me, what are you doing out of bed?" She asked disapprovingly, but Castiel was already looking much better. She walked over and read the readings on some of the machines and also added a new fluid bag to Dean's IV, and she went and placed a box of bandages on the foot of his bed. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave for a moment, dear. I need to change his bandages." Not only was it a potential risk of infection for Dean by having another person in the room, but she didn't want Castiel to see Dean's wounds, as they were pretty extensive.

Castiel jumped when someone called his name. His first instinct was to protect Dean but calmed down a little when it was only a nurse. "I can't sleep without him by my side," Castiel said simply, not letting go of Dean's hand. He eyed the bandages on the bed and looked over at the nurse. "If it's all the same to you, I'd like to stay," Castiel said, although he wasn't asking. Dean had seen him at his absolute worst and he understood him better because of it. Castiel needed to stay. He needed to understand what had happened. What each injury marked out from the experience. "I'll keep out the way, I promise. I just..I need to see it."

The nurse looked at Cas tiredly. She'd had a long shift, and this patient was proving to be very stubborn in his beliefs. She'd never seen anything like it before, and it was beyond her powers to try to keep this kid away from his boyfriend. She sighed and shrugged in defeat. "Fine, but I'm warning you that you won't like what you see." She handed him an extra hospital mask and then pulled the blankets back from Dean's body. He wasn't wearing a hospital gown for ease of bandage changes, and she decided to start with the wounds on his torso. She carefully peeled back the bandages, revealing ugly burns and gashes all across Dean's bruised chest and left side, and the swelling around his broken ribs. The bones had been set and were in the process of healing, but it would be a long time before they were strong enough and it would be a long and painful recovery. "I have good news," she told Castiel as she carefully peeled back the rest of the bloody bandages on Dean's torso, "He's been relatively stable for eight hours now, which is a good sign." She set about cleaning the wounds with antiseptic and then applied a healing, pain relieving salve to the burns and stitches on his skin before taping the bandages back on again.

Castiel managed a small smile and put on the mask he was given. He watched with curious eyes as she peeled of the bandages. She wasn't going to tell her that he'd seen worse or close enough to. He wasn't sadistic. He wasn't getting a kick out of seeing his boyfriend like this. He just needed to understand to what extent the pain was. If he could visualize what Dean was going through he could begin to understand more as to why the doctors did what they did and what he could do to help. The bruises were all over his body but Castiel marked out where Dean's arms and sides had safe spots, where Castiel would be able to touch him once he woke up. So if Dean needed help moving about Castiel would know where to place his hands to support him without hurting him. Because Dean _would _wake up and Castiel _would _be there every step of the way. "Does that mean he still has a chance of waking up soon?" Castiel asked hopefully but wasn't expecting much.

The nurse continued applying the bandages methodically, and when she was finally done with his torso and arm she moved to the bandage on his head and slowly unwrapped it. Underneath, they'd had to shave the left side of Dean's head to perform a brain scan, and his scalp was badly bruised and there were staples in a long line on the side of his head where the skin had split. "It's hard to say," she admitted, "The doctor himself would be able to explain it better, but coma patients are always a little tricky. Sometimes they wake up after a day or two and sometimes it's weeks, even months." She touched the side of Dean's head lightly. "This right here is what we're worried about," she told Castiel. "His brain is swollen but he hasn't suffered any bleeding inside the skull, so all we can do is wait."


	28. Chapter 28

Castiel watched with wide eyes as the nurse peeled off the bandage and showed Castiel the side of Dean's head. He bit his head to stop from letting out a low sob and held onto Dean's hand to keep himself in tact. "I understand," he said quietly. He was smart, he understood the physics of it all. It was just applying what little medical knowledge he had and applying it to his boyfriend that made it a little unnerving. He cupped Dean's face, the side the nurse wasn't currently working on and sighed quietly. "What do you believe? Do you think he can hear us?" Castiel asked, wanting to know whether the professionals actually believed in the horse shit they told people.

The nurse sat back for a moment and considered Castiel's question. She wanted to answer honestly, because Castiel seemed so desperate and it wasn't fair to hide things from him and dodge his questions with vague answers. "What do I believe?" She said thoughtfully, "I think... I think he can definitely hear us. Maybe not all the time, but he's definitely in there. People who've awoken from comas often claim to have heard people talking around them, so... yes. I think he can hear us." She carefully applied some disinfectant ointment to Dean's head and then wrapped the bandage back up. Once she was done with that she pulled the covers back up over him and sighed, hoping Dean would wake up for his poor boyfriend's sake.

Castiel nodded, squeezing Dean's hand. "Thank you," he whispered, grateful for her time and patients with him. Castiel took of the mask once she was done and kissed Dean's jaw tenderly, fixing what hair he had left. "He will wake up," Castiel said determinedly "He's strong. He'll get through it." Castiel looked back down at Dean and smiled sadly. "You should have seen him yesterday, in the play. He was so strong and confident. He's like a king when he's up on that stage," Castiel half smirked in amusement as memories flashed behind his eyes.

The nurse didn't often get emotional over patients, as it wasn't professional and it made her job more difficult, but she'd never seen a case like this before. She smiled softly as she looked at Cas and saw the pure love and devotion in his eyes. She decided to focus on something happier than Dean's current condition, and although her shift was technically over she could afford to spend a few minutes in here with Cas and speak with him. "What play was it?" She asked gently, cleaning up the used bandages and removing her gloves and applying hand sanitizer.

Castiel looked proudly up at the nurse, "West Side Story. He was Tony. I've never seen him so confident, like this huge weight had been lifted from his shoulder, you know? Like none of it matter, just went with the music." Castiel looked back down at Dean and smiled, playing with his hair gently. "It's just a shame he'll only get to do one show. It was opening night, you see." Castiel doubted there would even be any more shows. Unless they just happened to find another Riff in time because Castiel sure as hell wasn't leaving Dean.

The nurse smiled sadly at Castiel as she listened to the story. "One of my favorite musicals," she said, "I would have loved to see him in it. Were you in the play as well?" She asked. She assumed he was, because when they'd brought him in he still had his stage microphone taped to his face and was wearing a costume and stage makeup, but she thought it would be nice for Castiel to talk about something good rather than focusing on Dean's poor condition.

Castiel dipped his head, feeling shy as he spoke about these things with someone who was essentially a stranger. "Yeah. I played Riff," he answered quietly. "That's actually why they had to restitch my side. The kid playing Bernardo didn't realize I was still healing and stabbed me right in the side." Castiel began laughing despite himself. It might have been sleep deprivation or the fact he was desperately trying to cling to a light hearted mood he wasn't sure. "The audience thought it was part of the act when I started bleeding."

The nurse winced sympathetically. "That's some dedicated acting," she commented. "And if you were already hurt that couldn't have been an easy role to play. You're a dancer, huh?" She asked kindly, smiling in interest. "There's some pretty complicated choreography in that one." She stood up to check Dean's vitals again after the bandage change just to be safe and make sure nothing had changed, and she noticed that Dean's heart rate had gone up a little bit, which could be caused by many things but as everything else seemed normal, she took it as a good sign.

Castiel shrugged, "I didn't want to let anyone down. All I had to do was lie on the floor and pretend to be dead so it's not like I had to try and dance or anything." Castiel looked over at Dean when the nurse did and cupped his face gently. "Yes, ma'am. I'm the dancer, he's the singer. Voice like an angel." Castiel smiled sadly, looking up at her with wide eyes. "He can still sing, right?" he asked curiously.

The nurse smiled sadly at Dean's face as she placed a soft ice pack behind Dean's head to ease the pain and swelling. "Only time will tell," she said quietly, "But I don't see why he wouldn't be able to keep singing. There's no damage to his throat or vocal cords, but it might be a while before his lungs and ribs heal completely." Suddenly, another nurse entered the room and told her Dr. Tran wanted to speak with her, and she excused herself and left the room, where Dr. Tran was waiting. "Are you aware of the situation with Dean Winchester's father and brother?" He asked in concern, and she nodded. "Vaguely. Castiel told me not to let the father in..." Dr. Tran added, "Because he's been in the waiting room all night and is asking to see his son, and I can't exactly tell him no." The nurse frowned worriedly. "They've both said that he's a violent man," she told him, and Dr. Tran said with a shrug, "He seems very remorseful and worried, he may not be the best father but he just wants to see his son. I'm going to bring him back with his other son and we'll have someone stay in the room with them to supervise." He walked back to the waiting room. "Mr. Winchester, you may see your son now. If you'll follow me, please." Sam's eyes widened in alarm and he shook his head subtly, but the doctor just nodded at him reassuringly and gestured for them to both follow him down the hall to Dean's room. They were both updated on Dean's condition, so he merely paused outside the door to give them a moment to prepare themselves, and then he opened the door slowly, meeting Castiel's eyes and giving him a reassuring smile, to say it's okay. Sam watched his dad closely as they entered the room. John's eyes went straight over Castiel as if he didn't even notice he was in there, and he simply stared at Dean as he slowly approached the bed. A strong-looking male nurse had entered the room quietly behind them and was standing in the corner pretending to do something with a clipboard and a bottle of pills, but really he was watching John closely.

Castiel watched as John entered the room and his eyes widened, hand tightening a little in Dean's. He noticed the male nurse in the corner of the room and he eased off a little. They were clearly taking Castiel's advice seriously. Castiel didn't like John being there but there wasn't anything they could legally do about it. If it took a car accident for John to realize how much his son meant to him then so be it. As long as he let Castiel stay because there was no way on earth he was leaving Dean alone with him. Even with a nurse in the room. He met Sam's eyes for a moment and swallowed thickly before returning to watched John subtly as he concentrated on Dean's hand in his, pressing the knuckles to his lips and keeping them their as he spoke to Dean in a silent whisper in French.

John studied his son's face sadly as tears rose to his eyes. He remembered when Dean had been a baby, how bright and happy he was as a child, and he also remembered the day everything had changed, the day he'd become a horrible father. That was the day Mary died and he started drinking, and it had only gotten worse over the years. He'd never realized he distant he'd become from his sons, particularly Dean, until now. And he was beginning to realize that he'd been wrong to treat Dean the way he had, and he was wrong to hurt Castiel. John sat down in a chair on the opposite side of the bed and hesitantly pulled it closer. "Dean," he murmured sadly, taking Dean's hand in both of his own and holding it gently, and he closed his eyes for a moment. Then he looked up at Castiel uncertainly, but didn't allow his expression to reveal anything. He said nothing to Castiel, the gay boy who he'd hurt with a knife years ago when he was drunk, and he couldn't bear to look at the scar any longer. He was disgusted with himself. What kind of man would hurt a kid, and then hurt his own son? "Dean, I'm so sorry," he whispered, closing his eyes again against the threat of tears.

Castiel watched cautiously as John sat next to Dean on the opposite side of the bed. What Castiel wasn't expecting was for the guy to actually apologize. Castiel didn't let his guard down despite how nervous this sudden awakening in John caused him. Castiel continued to hold Dean's hand and waited silently for John to leave. He closed his eyes and kept Dean's hand close to his lips, sharing his warmth. It was for a long moment he stayed like that before he looked up at Sam and gestured for him to sit on the arm of the wheelchair and placed Sam's hand over both his and Dean's. He gave Sam a look of both confusion over John and assurance that he wouldn't hurt them.

Sam perched awkwardly on the arm of the wheelchair and squeezed Castiel's hand lightly and gave him a tight smile to let him know it was okay, and John looked up at them warily, wiping his eyes, and he sighed wearily. "Castiel." he began quietly, meeting Castiel's eyes tiredly. "You're Dean's...boyfriend?" He hesitated on the word boyfriend as if it was physically hard for him to force it out. Sam bit his lip and looked at Castiel, worried something was going to happen. But John didn't look aggressive, merely tired and defeated and sad.

Castiel nodded, glancing up at Sam briefly. "Yes. I'm his boyfriend," Castiel said but not in a harsh way, just a 'isn't it obvious' way. He squeezed Dean's hand and glanced up at him with a small, loving smile as he felt Dean's heart beating strong against his fingertips as he placed them around his wrist. "And there isn't anything you can say that'll drive me away," Castiel said with determination.

John watched as Castiel looked at Dean, and he did a double take at the pure love in the kid's eyes as he looked at his son. "I can see that," he muttered gruffly. John had no fucking idea what to do. He'd been raised to think that homosexuality was a sin and that's the way he'd raised his own sons, but there was clearly something more going on here. Sam bit his lip hopefully; this wasn't going nearly as badly as he'd thought it would. John was actually trying to understand. "You're serious?" John asked, not meeting Castiel's eyes. Part of him still hoped that this was some sort of idiotic prank they were playing or just a phase of rebellion Dean was going through, but he was having serious doubts and realized this was something deeper.

Castiel looked up at John but he wasn't looking back. He didn't praise John for trying. He was trying to be what any descent human would be anyway. "Yes," Castiel said, kissing Dean's knuckles, still keep it close to his face and stroking his cheek softly with Dean's hand entwined with his. "I love him," Castiel said simply, hopefully that alone would give John the message of how serious he was. Castiel looked up at Sam and leant against him slightly, tired and fed up. "And if you love him too you'll accept him for who he is," Castiel said, testing the waters to just how deep this new found side of John was.

It was hard to watch another boy with his son, and it was hard to accept the fact that his son was gay. It went against everything John believed in, but he was starting to realize that it wasn't worth losing Dean over and he'd have to learn to be okay with it. That didn't mean he had to like it. Suddenly, Dean made a choking noise and gasped for breath, causing everyone in the room to look at him in alarm and start to panic. "Dean!" John shouted, "What's happening? Somebody help him!" The nurse standing in the corner rushed over and quickly checked Dean's heart rate, and then he hurriedly removed the oxygen mask and air tube from Dean's throat, and Dean stopped making the awful choking sounds. Sam felt like his knees were going to give out and he clutched his brother's hand tightly, tears welling up in his eyes again. "That's normal," the nurse assured them calmly, "In fact, that's a good sign. He's breathing on his own now."

Castiel waited for John's response but none came. Suddenly Dean started coughing and Castiel turned to him, still holding his hand tightly. He watched as the nurse took away the hideous equipment and let Dean breath on his own. He stroked Dean's cheek tenderly once his coughing had subsided. "It's okay, love. We're right here. I've got you," Castiel murmured softly, not taking his eyes off of Dean. He felt the tension subside a little now that Dean was showing signs of improvement.

Everybody in the room went silent for a moment, simply listening to the sound of Dean breathing. Sam, John and Castiel all crowded around the bed close to Dean, and simply looked at him for a moment. John hated seeing his son like this, it was his worst nightmare and he felt guilty for driving him out of the house. "It's my fault," he muttered quietly, stroking Dean's hair gently, just like he did when Dean was a little boy. He looked up at Castiel then and met his eyes dead-on. "Castiel, I'm sorry." He said firmly, despite his beliefs. "I should not have hurt you. I don't expect you to forgive me for that, but I am sorry."

Castiel moved his hands to rest in his own lap as he let John and Sam hold his hands, he didn't want him to feel overcrowded despite how much he wanted to touch him. He leant against Sam and stared emptily over at John. The man had cut him with a knife, left him an empty shell. For years he'd blamed himself, that he was the one in the wrong for being the way he is. He'd have nightmares almost every night because of what he had done and all he had to say was he's sorry?! Castiel just stared at him for a moment in disbelief before looking back at Dean, wishing he'd wake up and tell his dad to go to hell.

John sighed and looked away from Castiel. He knew he didn't deserve forgiveness. He'd messed up as a father and as a person, and he didn't know how to fix it. Maybe it was too late to fix it. Sam's gasp of amazement drew his attention back to Dean. Sam was looking at Dean's hand with wide eyes. "He just moved, I swear." Sam breathed, staring at Dean's face. "He squeezed my hand." John held his breath and looked at his son's face, which suddenly twitched into a slight frown, and Sam pointed excitedly. "There, did you see that?!" He exclaimed, tears still falling from his eyes. "Dean?" John said, leaning forward and resting his hand lightly on Dean's cheek. Dean's expression shifted slightly at the touch, frowning again, and a low whine escaped his throat, almost inaudible. John held his breath in anticipation. "Dean, can you hear me?" He asked.

Castiel sucked in a breath, biting his lip. He stroked Dean's arm tenderly where he knew the busies weren't there after seeing them earlier. "Dean, honey, it's Cas. It's okay just take it easy, try not to move." Castiel knew how bad Dean looked under his bandages and he knew Dean might even go into shock once he woke up just from the sudden pain of it all. It would slap him straight in the face and it made Castiel wince, "Baby, it's okay. I've got you," he whispered.

The nurse came forward again and adjusted Dean's drip so he would have more painkillers in his bloodstream, and then quickly checked Dean over and everything looked relatively fine, considering his condition.

Dean felt like he was underwater. His entire body felt heavy and numb, and all he could see was a murky grey cloud. Slowly, he began to hear voices, distant and blurry at first, but then more clear. He recognized Castiel's voice, his dad's voice, and Sam, and some other voices that he didn't know. He tried to speak, tried to ask what was going on, but he couldn't move. He was completely paralyzed. That's when the pain hit him. Someone was stabbing an ice cold metal rod into his head again and again, and he tried to scream, tried to flinch away from it but all he could do was frown and groan slightly, his own voice sounding foreign to his ears. A moment passed and to his relief the pain started to fade away to something more bearable, and he tried to crack his eyes open. He was temporarily blinded by the brightness of the world, and he squinted around at the room he was in. It was clearly a hospital, and he suddenly remembered everything. The blurry shapes around him were Cas, Sam and Dad, and Dean turned his head slightly towards Castiel and closed his eyes again, desperate to tell him to get out of there before John hurt him again, but all he could manage was a weak, "Cas." in a raspy voice, whimpering quietly at the intense pain that laced through his chest when he breathed.

Castiel was at Dean's side instantly, cupping Dean's face in his hand gently to tell him he was there. A physical reassurance because Castiel wasn't sure how much Dean could see or hear just yet. He could feel, that much was clear from the way he moved, or lack of movement. "Shh, it's okay love. I'm right here, I've got you," Castiel whispered, rubbing his thumb over Dean's freckled cheekbone. "You're body is going through a lot of repair right now. So it's gonna hurt, a lot," Castiel said honestly, his voice smooth and soft. "But you've gotta stay with me okay. Don't let the pain consume you." Castiel was speaking from experience and could feel John watching him but he tried to ignore it as he focused on Dean.

John watched as Cas and Sam leaned closer to Dean and looked into his face, while Dean had angled his head away from him. It hurt that Dean hadn't even acknowledged him, that Cas was the first one Dean focused on, but he supposed he deserved it for being a lousy father.

The pain made Dean's eyes water and he looked up at Cas again, leaning into the reassuring touch of his hand on his face and trying to focus on that instead, despite the fact that his dad was right there. It hurt so bad that Dean couldn't even form coherent thoughts, the pain shooting through his body. "Hurts," he rasped, tears escaping his eyes. He felt so helpless, he couldn't even move because every time he did the pain worsened.

"I know, love, I know," Castiel sighed sadly, wiping away Dean's tears with the pad of his thumb. "You're doing really well. You've just gotta keep fighting it, okay, love?" Castiel bit his lip worryingly and looked over at the nurse. "Can't you give him some more morphine or something?" He knew the nurse had just given him something but Dean still looked pained and Castiel hated seeing him like this. He looked back at Dean, kissing his temple and his own fingertips in the process. "Just try to rest, honey. I'll be right here if you need me," he promised.

"I can give him something to put him back under," The nurse offered, "It's the same drug we use for surgery. He'll just go back to sleep and wake up naturally when we cut off the drip, that way he'll feel less pain. He's already on the maximum dosage of morphine." The nurse stood beside the bed and looked down at Dean. "Hey, buddy," he said gently, "You're looking really good. I'm just going to give you something to help you sleep, all right?" Dean tried to nod but it sent a stab of pain shooting through his head and he cried out softly, squeezing his eyes shut. He gripped Sam's hand a little tighter and waited for the pain to fade, and when it finally began to ease him back down into the darkness he sighed in relief and finally relaxed.

Castiel nodded, indicating for the nurse to do what he had to do to give Dean some form of relief. He continued to stroke at Dean's hair soothingly, watching as the drug kicked in and Dean went back under. He let out a long shuddery breath once Dean was out and he looked back up at Sam with a tight smile. "He's gonna be okay," he said, sounding both relieved and nervous. He hugged Sam tightly for a moment before turning back to watch Dean breath steadily in his sleep. "He's gonna be okay," he repeated in a broken whisper, tears filling his eyes

Sam clung desperately to Cas, his emotions a mess. Dean had woken up, hadn't suffered any brain damage or memory loss, and had even opened his eyes and spoken to them briefly, even though he'd only said two words. He sobbed into Castiel's shoulder and kept his arms around him even as Cas looked back at Dean. John stroked the back of Dean's hand with his thumb and watched his face, tears flowing freely, before he looked up at Castiel and Sam. John stood up and left the room, needing to take a moment to think and just be alone, and as much as it saddened him he knew that he was most likely not wanted in that room right now.

Castiel returned his attention back to Sam and rubbed his back gently. "Shh, no tears, Sammy. Dean's okay," he said, despite tears flowing freely down his own face. He repositioned himself so he wasn't straining his side as much to hug Sam properly. "He's gonna be okay. We all are." Castiel hadn't seen John leave but could feel the shift in the air and knew he was no longer there. It was a relief to see John and not finish the conversation with any cuts or bruises to show for it. It was a big step and hopefully one in the right direction.

Sam sagged against Castiel and rested his head on his shoulder, looking at Dean in amazement. "I...I thought..." Sam choked out, unable to finish the sentence. Sam had learned over the years to always expect the worst from the world, and he'd been preparing himself for bad news. The fact that Dean was recovering was the most beautiful thing Sam had ever felt, and he couldn't be happier. "I'm so glad he's gonna be all right," Sam sobbed, grabbing Dean's hand again and trembling, still clutching at Castiel.

Castiel held Sam tightly, rubbing his back as he tried to get the younger boy to calm down. He might have been trembling himself, he wasn't sure. They were both such a mess. Castiel was just so glad Dean was recovering. He didn't know if he'd pull through but didn't let himself dwell too much on what would happen if he didn't because he knew the answer, and that made him worry for Sam because he'd be all alone. He loosened his grip on Sam and gradually moved out of the hug, wiping his tears as he looked back at Dean with a small smile. Considering what had happened, Castiel shouldn't have been smiling but he couldn't help it. Despite the fact Dean was lying in a hospital bed, they'd managed to face their fears and stand up to John together. They'd torn down that wall of fear and John had resigned in defeat after seeing his son lying helplessly on the brink of death. They'd gotten through it all and the clearing was just up ahead. They were almost free. Castiel kissed Dean's cheek softly before resuming his position from earlier and falling asleep with Dean's hand in his and resting his head on the side of the bed.

Dean woke up again about 6 hours later right after Sam left the room to get some dinner with John. This time when Dean opened his eyes, the pain was still excruciating but it wasn't as unbearable as before. He tried to assess his injuries without moving too much, and he focused on the intense pain in his chest and ribs, and he figured something had happened there. His head was still throbbing rhythmically, and he didn't want to move his arms just yet but he could feel a bandage on his head. He managed to turn his head to the side a little bit when he noticed something warm by his hand, and he smiled slightly when he saw Castiel sleeping with his head bent forward on the bed. Dean clumsily removed his hand from Castiel's and stroked his hair softly as he slept. He couldn't believe that Cas had somehow gotten past John, and a lot must have happened during the time he was unconscious. He didn't even know how long he'd been out for.

Castiel was in a light sleep and woke up when he felt something warm thread through his hair. He blinked a few times, mewing softly as he leant into Dean's touch and smiled up at him. "Hey," he murmured sleepily, tilting his head up and stretching his neck as he lifted his head to look up and Dean properly. "How you feeling, love?" he asked softly, lacing his hand with Dean's and kissing the knuckles tenderly.

Dean groaned softly as a strong wave of pain washed over him, and he forced a smile but it most likely turned out as a grimace. "Like crap," he admitted in a rough voice. "What happened?" He asked wearily, taking a careful inhalation and wincing when his ribs throbbed, and he closed his eyes and tried to set aside the pain to focus on the feeling of Castiel's hand intwined with his. "My dad..." He trailed off weakly, unable to even get enough breath to finish that sentence. Because of the immense pain in his chest, he could only breath shallowly and carefully, and talking was proving difficult.

Castiel sighed, kissing Dean's hand again and resting their entwined hands against his forehead as he leant over the bed. "You were in a car accident. You broke your ribs, have a collapse lung and some swelling around the brain." Castiel let out a long shuddery breath, the realization hitting him as he said the words out loud. "It's Sunday evening, you haven't been out too long," Castiel said softly, biting his lip when Dean started to speak about John. "H-He apologized to me, love. Said this was all his fault," Castiel let out a bitter laugh in disbelief before grinning over at Dean brightly. "I-I think we're gonna be okay."

Dean forced his eyes open again to look at Castiel, his gorgeous, amazing, devoted boyfriend, and squeezed his hand weakly. "Shit," he groaned, "Could be worse, though." He was trying to be optimistic despite the pain, but he knew it could definitely be worse. At least he still had all his limbs and he wasn't still unconscious. But then he remembered something. "Cas," he rasped, "Sunday evening. The play..." and he had to stop speaking when his chest hurt too much, taking small, slow breaths.

Castiel was at Dean's side, stroking his hair soothingly as he shushed him gently. "Forget the play, love. Let's just focus on getting you better." There was no way Castiel was leaving Dean like this. In pain and alone in an unfamiliar place. Too many times had he had to leave Jimmy like that and he promised himself never again. "I'm not going anywhere, okay. Just relax, I've got you," Castiel murmured.

Dean sighed tightly and whimpered a little at the pain in the movement, and he allowed his eyes to flutter closed again because it was too much work keeping them open. "Thanks, Cas," he breathed, feeling guilty about screwing up the play when there wasn't an understudy for Riff, and he wondered if anyone else at school knew about this. He couldn't deal with thinking about that right now. As much as he wanted Cas to go back and be in the play again, he knew there was no point in insisting and he would definitely much rather have Cas here with him for selfish reasons. His head hurt like a bitch, and the pain brought tears to his eyes. "Kiss it better?" He asked pathetically.

Castiel kissed Dean's forehead tenderly, trailing his lips across the bridge of his nose and over his freckle littered cheeks. He pressed a final kiss to Dean's lips carefully, slow and soft before moving away just an inch to let Dean breath. "I love you," he whispered, a faint smile crossing his lips as he tried to keep it together for Dean."We're gonna get through this, love. We're gonna see the world yet."

Dean hummed softly when Cas kissed his face gently, the touch of his lips and the close proximity comforting and soothing. He looked up at Cas, who was still only inches above him, and gazed into those blue eyes with awe. Dean didn't know if it was the painkillers or the head injury that caused Castiel to take his breath away and leave him speechless, or maybe it was just him. "God, you're beautiful," he murmured, "Like an angel." He slowly and carefully brought his relatively uninjured arm up to rest his hand on Castiel's cheek.

Castiel blushed, smiling ridiculously. It felt nice to have some form of normality back in their lives, even if it only lasted a little while. He tilted his head to kiss the palm of Dean's hand and placed his own carefully on top. He remained close to Dean, half entwining their hands over his own cheek. "You should rest, my love. You need your strength," he whispered, kissing his nose gently.

Sam and John headed back to Dean's room to check on him, and as they neared the door Sam slowed down and peered in cautiously, John pausing behind him to look into the room. Dean was awake again much to Sam's relief, and Castiel was leaning closely over him, kissing his face tenderly, and Sam bit his lip and glanced back at John, giving him a pleading look, and John sighed and watched the two boys in the hospital room silently. They hadn't noticed they were outside the room, and Sam didn't want to interrupt their moment together. When Cas pulled back a little, Dean looked up into his eyes, and Sam and John were both moved by the amount of love in Dean's eyes. After another moment, Sam knocked on the side of the door and walked into the room quietly, and he and John slowly approached the bed.

Castiel sat back down properly in the wheelchair, wincing a little at the stretch the stitches caused. He almost jumped out of his skin when there was a knock on the door and Castiel looked up to see Sam and John standing there. Castiel smiled softly over at Sam before turning back to Dean, stroking his cheek tenderly. He gave Dean a look as if to ask if he was okay with this. With John being in the room. Castiel wasn't sure how much strain and burden Dean could take given how washed out he was.

Dean eyed his father nervously, but all he could see was the regret and pain in his father's eyes, no signs of anger or violence left. He looked exhausted and stiff, his clothes wrinkled and stubble on his face, and Dean realized he must have waited overnight in the waiting room. Once he was sure there was no sign of a threat, he relaxed and whimpered softly. "Hey, kiddo." John said gently, leaning over Dean and stroking his hair gently, the concern and caring in his eyes something Dean hadn't seen since he was a little kid, and he felt tears welling up in his eyes again. "Sorry Sam and me weren't here when you woke up," he said, frowning in regret. He glanced up at Castiel. "But you weren't alone, that's good. Thank you," he said earnestly to Castiel, and Dean stared in confusion through the haze of pain.

Castiel watched carefully as John spoke to his son, giving them there space but not letting his guard down either. He nodded sharply at John, not quite sure what to say. What he could say. There was no way he would leave Dean alone and he wasn't even sure as to what John had expected from him. Like it came as a surprise that Dean's boyfriend spent the night watching over him. Castiel kept hold of Dean's hand, keeping it close to his lips as he watched as John continued to speak.

Dean exchanged an unhappy look with Castiel and briefly tightened his hold on Castiel's hand, the feeling of Castiel's warm breath and the gentle brush of his lips soothing against his skin, and he bravely looked back at John, somewhat surprised that John didn't seem angry at either him or Castiel. "Dean, I already told Castiel this, but I am so sorry. I take all the blame for what happened, because I was wrong to hurt you and I drove you away." John spoke in a slightly wavering voice, and Sam stood beside him with an unreadable expression on his face. John reached out tentatively to touch Dean's cheek, but Dean shrunk away, a quiet groan escaping his throat as the movement jarred his head slightly, and he leaned towards Castiel instead, giving his dad a clear view of the side he'd chosen.

Castiel froze for a brief second, worried John would lash out for being rejected. The man was capable of many things and he was worried of what he might do. Castiel bit his lip and forced himself to calm down and stay strong for Dean. He reached out and stroked Dean's hair gently. "It's okay, love," Castiel whispered, avoiding John's gaze in case he flipped and went for Castiel's throat. He kept Dean near, keep a hold of his hand and giving him a look that told him he was loved and with Castiel by his side he would be safe, that much he could guarantee.

Dean looked up at Castiel to keep himself from sobbing, because the pain and exhaustion were driving him insane and there was only so much family conflict he could deal with in his state. He didn't see John look stricken and hurt as he slowly withdrew his hand and watched his son turn away from him and into the eyes of another, and even though he knew this day would come someday, Dean would find that significant other and leave the Winchester home, but he'd never expected it to happen like this. He never thought he'd be hated by his own son, but it was only fair after the way he'd treated Dean and Castiel.

Castiel traced the side of Dean's face, mapping out the conture of his jaw and watched him carefully. "Just go back to sleep, kitten. I'll still be here when you wake up," he promised, leaning over to kiss Dean's forehead gently. He moved back to sit in the wheelchair and adjusted his gown as he let out an involuntary shudder, feeling the draft on his back. The evening was growing in but Castiel still refused to leave Dean's side.

John rose his eyebrows slightly at the unusual pet name, but he said nothing as Dean hummed weakly in response, fighting the urge to go to sleep because he didn't want to stop looking at Cas, but he could hardly keep his eyes open and the pain was too much. He fell back asleep a moment later, still feeling the gentle touch of Castiel's hands and hearing his soft, reassuring words. "I love you, Cas," he murmured as he closed his eyes.

Dean

Castiel blushed a little dipping his head as he hide his smile away from Sam and John. He continued to stroke Dean's hair soothingly and whispered into his hair, "I love you, too." Castiel stayed like this until he was sure Dean was asleep and took a moment to stand up, stretching his aching limbs after having sat in that chair for the good part of the last two days.

"Cas, you okay?" Sam asked, frowning in concern as Castiel stood up and stretched carefully. John continued to stare sadly at his son's sleeping face. Sam didn't know what to say to him, if anything, because he wasn't sure if he was ready to forgive his father for everything he'd put them through.

"I'm fine, Sammy," Castiel assured with a soft smile. "I'm just a bit stiff, that's all." Castiel twisted his hips and stretched his arms in a small circle, getting the blood to flow back through his body. His side still throbbed a bit but Dean was a big enough distraction for him to ignore the pain. He sat back down in the chair, placing his hand over Dean's. He could see John's discomfort but what was he to say? It was his own fault he was in this mess to begin with.

Sam smiled tightly. "I'm glad you're feeling better," he said in a soft voice. John looked up as Castiel sat back down and held Dean's hand. "I want to talk to you alone, Castiel." He said quietly, giving Sam a meaningful look. Sam got the message but he bit his lip and hesitated. "Sam, give us five minutes, please." Sam frowned and looked at Castiel questioningly to make sure he was okay with it. Sam didn't trust John, but he seriously doubted John would hurt Castiel now.

Castiel was hesitant to leave Dean alone but gave Sam a look that told him to keep him safe. He squeezed Dean's hand before standing up slowly, minding his stitches and walking slowly towards the door. He probably should have stayed in the chair but he wanted to be able to look John in the eye if he was to be talking to him seriously. Plus the walk could help his aching limbs. Once they were outside the room, Castiel held onto the wall briefly for support and looked over at John, still not having said anything.

Once John and Castiel were in the hallway, John looked at Castiel steadily for a moment, trying to figure out what it was his son saw in this boy. Dean had always gone for pretty girls, never an average guy like this, and he couldn't understand what made Dean fall for Castiel. "Castiel," he began somewhat awkwardly, "I'm having a difficult time processing this... you and Dean in a relationship. My son has always liked girls."

Castiel looked up at John and shrugged softly, "I don't know what you want me to say." Castiel didn't like discussing this with John. The fact that he even had to explain to Dean's father about the matter was insulting enough. After a short silence, Castiel decided the best thing to do would be to tell him the truth, be open and hopefully he'd learn to accept it. "We were just friends and it just happened. Something honest and raw and..I guess it was just that we found something in each other that no one else had bothered trying to find before. I don't think it's a matter of gender or attractiveness. Just two people falling in love."

John put his hands in his pockets and considered that answer. He supposed it made sense, but he doubted he'd ever understand exactly what happened between them to cause this, or how it happened. If anything, John would have guessed that Dean would reject Castiel, because Dean had been raised the same way John had; to think homosexuality was wrong. But John was starting to realize that he was the wrong one. Dean had been so much happier lately, but John barely noticed. Who was he to try to keep his son away from the one thing that made him happy? "How long has it been?" He asked flatly.

Castiel leaned his weight against the wall, really wishing he hadn't tried to come of as strong and get out of the wheelchair. He was tired and fed up and not in the mood for these stupid questions. "2 months, maybe, it's hard to tell exactly. We've known each other about 2 and a half, three months." Castiel knew it didn't sound good not knowing how long he'd been with someone he claimed to love but their relationship sort of merged so suddenly it was hard to actually pin point the moment when they became more than friends.

John sighed and rubbed a tired hand over his face. "That explains it," he muttered, thinking back to when he'd first noticed his son behaving differently than normal. "Then who the hell is Cassie?" He asked, looking at Castiel curiously. "Obviously it was meant to be a coverup for when I overheard him on the phone... but who's the girl? Damn good actress." He had to give her credit for pretending to be Dean's girlfriend, and he found he just didn't even care anymore. He was exhausted and fed up with all these secrets.

Castiel's eyes widened, that he had not been expecting. He almost wanted to laugh out loud because of it. He settled for rubbing the back of his neck anxiously. He didn't want to name and shame Anna in case he used it against her somehow. He couldn't do that to her despite how understanding Jon was trying to be. Trying being the operative word. "Uh, this girl from school," Castiel answered vaguely.

John sighed again and rubbed at his cheek and jaw absently. "Doesn't matter," he muttered, "I gotta be honest with you, Castiel. You understand that this is very difficult for me to accept, it's the way I was brought up and it's what I've been taught that cause me to have my beliefs. But I'm trying to understand. It's obvious that Dean cares a lot about you and vice versa. But believe me when I tell you that he's changed quite a bit over the last few months and even though it made me uncomfortable that he didn't turn out the way I wanted him to be, I am very proud of my son, and I only wish I told him." The accident would never have happened if John had simply told Dean how proud he was of him in the play, because Dean was the star of the show and he was excellent. But it was too late and now Dean was hospitalized with a long and painful recovery ahead of him.

Castiel raised an eyebrow, jaw clenched. He could not begin to express how annoyed he was with John. If it wasn't for the fact that he was being a first class dick, Dean wouldn't be in this mess. Castiel wouldn't have the confidence of a doormouse and Sam wouldn't be scarred for life for finding out just how bigger monster his father really was. "He's 18," Castiel said flatly. "His life is just beginning. You want to tell him how proud you are of him. Tell him. Don't wallow in your own self-pity and think being a father finishes the moment Dean walks out that door because you can bet your ass it doesn't. You've still gotta be there when he graduates, when he gets his own apartment away from home, when he walks down the isle, and when he hands you your first grandchild. You've _got _to be there." Castiel was speaking in a very low voice, almost threatening John if he didn't pull through for his son and be supportive of him. "My father has already condemned me to hell and written me off as his son. I'm pretty sure neither you or Dean want that to happen to yourselves, don't you?"

John stared in shock, his face reddening a little in surprise. He hadn't expected Castiel to talk to him like that, and he had to admit it was humbling. "Of course not," he replied roughly to Castiel's question, staring at him in disbelief. "You don't understand, you're just a kid, for fuck's sake! You don't know what it feels like to be a single father, forced to raise two kids alone after their mom died. I haven't been there for them like I should have, but I have never stopped loving them, either of them. I was wrong to hurt Dean and tell him he was anything less than perfect, because I've been a terrible role model for both of them. I'm not trying to defend myself because I know I should have pulled my shit together and taken care of those boys, but now they hate me and I doubt they'll ever trust me again."

Castiel's jaw clenched, fists scrunching up at his sides. "Exactly, I'm just a kid. And I have been through more than you could ever imagine, believe me," Castiel chuckled bitterly, getting very agitated by John. "So, enough with the sob story and get your ass back in that room and treat those boys with the love and admiration they deserve. Can the 'it's too late' crap. It's never too late. Sure they'll hate you but I'm pretty sure they'd rather have a dead beat dad that tries than one that doesn't care at all."

John took a deep breath and looked at Castiel, shaking his head sadly. How was it that this kid was so much smarter and knew so much more about what it means to love someone than he did? He understood that Castiel had it much worse than Dean did, having heard some of the stories circulating his family over the years, and Castiel had just suffered through it all unnoticed in the background. He didn't know what to say to that, because Castiel was right.

Castiel waited impatiently but John didn't say anything and Castiel was become livid. John just wasn't doing anything. Just like he had done before, not bothering to put in time with his sons and that was the saddest thing in the world. "Did I fucking stutter?!" Castiel growled, facing growing red with anger for the man who couldn't even be bothered to make a mends. At least 30 more years he could have with his sons and he was willing to give it all up because he'd already classed his chance with them over. "Get your ass in that room and make things right," Castiel said, drawing nearer to John and practically spitting out each word at him to get it through his thick skull.

"Boy, I know your family gives you hell, and I know you don't want me to treat Dean the way your father treats you. I don't want that either. I'm their father, I should have raised them better and been there for them when they needed me, and I know I fucked that up, but I don't know if they're ever gonna give me another chance." John hissed in reply, staring straight at Castiel and not backing down at all. He was a bit surprised by this kid's ability to stand up to him and challenge him. "I can try to fix things but that doesn't mean my sons will hate me any less."

Castiel's jaw clenched, "No, you don't know. I have been in places that makes hell look like a fucking Chuck E. Cheese's. I almost died, passed out in my own blood whilst my father watched because he was too damn stubborn to grow a pair and help. Even if he did help, he'd still hate me for being gay and I'd still hate him for it but I would have respected him just a little more for putting everything aside and doing the right thing." Castiel was about two seconds from pushing John into the wall to physically beat some sense into him. "So, you are going to go in there and earn your son's respect and be a fucking man about it," Castiel said in a dangerously low voice. "And if you don't, I'm going to make it my life's mission to make your life a living hell."

John stared at Castiel hard. No kid had ever stood up to him like this before and it was a bit humiliating. His face flushed with anger and frustration as he stared at this kid, this boy who'd been beaten many times and constantly told that he was a disappointment, not good enough, an embarrassment to society, when truthfully Castiel was innocent. He was just a kid, he didn't deserve all of this shit! "Jesus Christ," he muttered, walking away a few paces and shaking his head. "You just don't get it, do you." He looked at the floor, turning his back on Castiel. "I might be able to fix things with Sam, but I doubt Dean will listen." He looked at Castiel over his shoulder. "I think you should leave," he said coldly.

Castiel scoffed, following John's every step so he was mere inches away from him, towering over him despite the height difference. "I think it's you, who doesn't understand," Castiel said slowly, in a low threatening voice. "I'm not leaving you alone with either of those two boys. If you play nicely we can work something out. You get to see your boys and they get to see their father sober and out of the gutter for once. If you don't.." Castiel gave a twisted smile, "I'll make sure you never see those boys again. There's enough evidence against you that can become a very realistic possibility." Castiel took a step back, ready to go back into the room, eyes still trained on John. "So, what's it going to be?"

John spun around to glare at Castiel, looming right in his face so their noses almost touched. "Who the fuck do you think you are?" He hissed through clenched teeth. "They are my kids, I am their legal guardian and you have no right to tell me what to do with them." He grabbed the front of Castiel's shirt and backed him up against the wall easily. "And don't think for a second that you control them. I do have ways of making sure you never see them again, either. I won't be threatened by you, boy." And with that last statement, John shoved Castiel against the wall and backed away, glaring at him for a moment before walking back into the hospital room.

Castiel winced as John pushed him against the wall, his side beginning to throb again. But he couldn't stop smiling and when John let go of him and went back into the room he began to laugh because the fucking idiot really thought he could keep Castiel away from what he essential thought of as his family. John couldn't touched him. There wasn't anything he could legally do to stop him. If he brought it up in court and filed for a restraining order it could easily be backlashed and turned on John where there was actual evidence on him. Castiel went back into the room, trying to keep from laughing and sat back down next to Sam in his wheelchair and placed his hand over Sam and Dean's.

Sam looked up at Castiel in confusion. He was grinning somewhat manically and John looked defeated. He sat down in the chair opposite Dean's bed and simply stared down at his sleeping face emotionlessly, and Sam leaned over close to Castiel and whispered in his ear, "What happened?" He had no idea what they'd talked about but clearly it didn't go well for John.

Castiel smoothed out his expression and whispered back, "He's scared. He knows we've won and there's nothing he can do about it." Castiel brought Dean's hand up to his lips and kissed the knuckles tenderly. "It's okay, baby. I've got you," Castiel whispered into Dean's hand, holding it to his lips.

Sam sighed in relief and allowed a small smile to turn the corners of his mouth up. The three of them could handle anything. Sam put his hand on the back of Castiel's neck and squeezed lightly in gratitude before moving his hand back to the bed. He watched with a soft smile as Castiel kissed Dean's knuckles, and honestly, how could John not see how in love they were? Sam looked over at John, who was also watching Castiel now, and then his gaze flickered to Sam. "Sam, I need to speak with you." Sam nodded and then John looked at Cas. "Castiel, please give us five minutes." He asked emotionlessly, but he stared at Castiel challengingly. "Cas, do you mind?" Sam asked gently.

Castiel was about to challenge John, say no but then Sam spoke softly and Castiel caved. For Sam, not John. "I'll be right outside," he said, warning John not to try anything. He squeezed Sam's hand gently and wheeled himself outside, his side still throbbing from earlier he didn't think he could stand for much longer.

Sam waited until the door clicked shut before turning to John, who was gazing absently at Dean. Sam cleared his throat. "Dad?" He said awkwardly, "So, uh.. what did you and Cas talk about?" John slowly lifted his eyes to meet Sam's, and Sam was startled by the pain and regret in his father's expression. "Sam, I'm sorry." He said in a low voice, "Please forgive me. I've been a terrible father to you both and I know it's too late to fix things. We've been messed up for a while, the three of us, and I know I don't deserve a thing but I'm begging you to give me another chance, Sammy." Sam stared at him as he spoke and felt tears rising in his eyes. "Dad, you were never there for us," he whispered, squeezing Dean's hand harder. "And after what you did to Cas and Dean..." he trailed off miserably, and the two of them sat in a tense silence for a few moments.

Castiel waited in the hallway, biting his lip nervously. He hoped John was doing the right thing and not doing something stupid like ruining his last chance. He lifted his gown up a little to inspect his throbbing side but it wasn't bleeding or anything so John hadn't done too much damage. It still hurt though and Castiel went in search of some painkillers, taking them as well as some bags of chips back to the room, by that time he assumed John had done his bit and left the rest to Sam.

John left the room at the same moment Castiel entered, and he left. Sam hastily wiped his tears away and forced a smile at Cas. "I think things might be okay eventually," he told Castiel. They'd talked for a while after Castiel had left, mostly remembering what their lives had been like before Mary died and trying to fix their family and get them somewhat functional again like they had been before her death. "Dad's going for a drive. Wants to get some air, needs a break from this."

Castiel wheeled over to Sam and pulled him close for a hug. "It's okay, Sammy. We'll be okay," Castiel assured, rubbing his back gently. "Are you giving him a chance?" Castiel asked curiously. Despite how much Castiel hated John, he'd rather see Dean and Sam with a loving father trying to fix their family than one that just dropped everything and gave up.

Sam buried his face in Castiel's shoulder and sighed tiredly. "I dunno, Cas," he mumbled, "He's trying, I'll give him that, but I just don't know if I trust him. He hurt you and I didn't know about it until Dean told me. I mean, what else could he have possibly done that I don't know about? It feels like we've been living with a criminal, and now I feel like I barely know him."

"Just give him a chance," Castiel sighed quietly. "It may seem bad now but years down the line when you're walking down the isle you are gonna really wish that your parents were there. Someone you can share these accomplishments with. The people that have watched you go from a boy to a man. I know, it's not my place to tell you what to do. Do whatever you think is best for you and Dean. All I'm saying is giving him a chance might just make or break your family, at least you'd know either way."

Sam gazed at Castiel and smiled slightly through his tears, eyes tired and body aching. He was exhausted, and the stress of this situation wasn't helping. "Cas, I'm sure Dean tells you this all the time but you're amazing. You really are, dude. He's so lucky to have you." He grinned slightly and looked down at Dean. "I think it'd be pretty cool to have you for a brother-in-law someday," he hinted, "Just saying. We wanna keep you around."

Castiel blushed, dipping his head to look away for a moment. He felt like he was going to cry. It was such an honour for Sam to be excepting him like this. He thought he might just like him because he was his brother's boyfriend but he genuinely seemed to like him and Castiel couldn't of asked for more. "That might happen sooner than you think," Castiel said with a knowing smile. He wiped away Sam's tears and kept an arm wrapped around him loosely.

Sam sobbed out a laugh and closed his eyes as his face grew flushed with embarrassment. Castiel was actually wiping away his tears. "You're so nice," he murmured, "And Dean loves you so much... but I'm sure you already know that." Sam smiled and rested his head on Castiel's shoulder, appreciating the warm caring arm around his back. Castiel was already like a second brother to him, and he felt like he belonged when he was with Cas and Dean.

Castiel smiled shyly, "Can you keep a secret, Sammy?" He bit his lip, trying to hide his excited grin as he looked over at Sam. "In the summer, when Dean gets better. I'm taking him to France and I'm going to ask him to marry me. Properly like, with the scenery of Paris all lit up at night. I'm just so happy. I want to spend the rest of my life with him."

Sam's eyes widened. "Oh my God," he breathed, feeling his eyes fill with tears again and a huge smile stretching across his face. "I just... wow. Cas, that's perfect." He hugged Cas again, barely remembering to be gentle with Castiel, who was still hurt. "That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard." Sam was literally seconds away from grabbing Castiel's face and kissing him on both cheeks and squealing like a girl. "You have no idea how happy that makes me. How happy it'll make_him_."

Castiel grinned happily, "I'm so glad I have your approval. I wouldn't do it otherwise. I wouldn't want to split you two up. I would never want to come between two brothers." He hugged Sam back tightly, tears forming in the corner of his eye. "Have you got any suggestions of things he likes or stuff I should do..it's sorta a working progress right now."

Sam laughed easily, grateful for the change in subject. Dean slept on soundly beside them, and John wasn't in the room, and Cas and Sam could begin planning stuff even if it wasn't going to happen until Dean got better. "He likes_you_," Sam replied teasingly, "I thought that much was obvious." Sam couldn't be happier for his brother, that Dean had already found the one person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. They were perfect for each other. "I don't know, what exactly were you thinking of doing? I don't know much about Paris, actually." He admitted.

Castiel chuckled, rolling his eyes. "Apart from me." Castiel thought for a moment and smiled and fond memories. "My grande-mere owns a house out there, she left in the will to my mom. I was thinking of taking Dean out there. What with the house gone..I have a feeling my mom's gonna stay out there for a while anyway. I overheard her talking with Crowley about some international trip for his company. Anyway, there's this attic in the house and it over looks the whole of Paris almost. At night, with the lights all done up, it's breath taking Sam, it really is. I was going to take Dean up there and propose."

Sam grinned even wider and bit his lip to keep from shouting in excitement. "Cas, that would be so great," he said softly, "I think... I think that's perfect. It's really meaningful. And he's definitely going to say yes."_If Dean doesn't propose first,_he added silently with a secret smile on his face. Sam was going to have such a hard time keeping this a secret from Dean, but once they were married Sam was definitely going to help Dean plan the honeymoon, if they could afford it.

Castiel grinned, "Let's hope so. Otherwise it might be an awkward flight home." Castiel hugged Sam tightly, kissing his forehead before moving back to Dean and sitting with him and speaking to him quietly in French. Nothing he would understand but it gave Castiel a comforting feeling that he could tell Dean anything he wanted to. Speaking in French just meant no one could eavesdrop.

Sam smiled happily as he watched Castiel whisper to his brother in French. He was just so happy they had each other and this whole thing hadn't torn them apart, despite the pressures it put on both of them. Dean had almost died and Castiel had lost so much, but they still had each other and that proved how strong their love for each other was. Sam couldn't be happier for either of them.

It took a month for Dean to recover. Castiel and Dean were sat on the grass near the cabin and watching the water run down stream. Castiel's hand playing with Dean's hair absently as he gazed at him lovingly. Today was the day Castiel was going to tell Dean about France and he was nervous as hell. He wasn't sure how he'd react or if he'd even want to come with him. If he didn't, Castiel would be alone for the whole summer. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to do that. Not without Dean by his side.

One month later, Dean was sitting in the warm summer air at the cabin. It was a beautiful day, sunny and bright, the kind of day that made Castiel's eyes seem even bluer, and Dean couldn't stop looking. He was entranced. It had been a painful and difficult month, and Dean still experienced severe headaches that left him incapacitated from time to time, but the doctor had said that was to be expected. It sucked, but Dean was glad his mind was still intact after the head injury. Castiel's hands helped soothe it when the pain got too bad, and Dean's hair had started to grow back, although the ugly scar on his head was still visible. His ribs had healed up well although he still couldn't do much strenuous activity with the pain still in his chest, and the burns had healed well also although there was some scarring from the burns and gashes on his skin. Overall, he was really lucky and he knew it. His body still functioned well, and he was beginning to get back to being his old self. As for Dean's family life, things had gotten better. John and him still didn't talk much, but they didn't fight anymore and they were beginning to respect each other. It was slow, but it was happening, and Sam seemed happier than ever. Dean and Cas, though, were closer than they'd ever been, and Dean loved his boyfriend with his whole heart. "What are you thinking about, baby?" Dean asked softly.

"The summer," Castiel murmured in a dream like state. He kissed the scar on Dean's head, a habit he'd begun when Dean wa going through recovery. Castiel was used to scars and although they were sad they made up a part of who you are and Castiel taught Dean to embrace them a little more each and every day by paying special attention to them. Kissing them tenderly and showing Dean they were nothing to be ashamed of. He pulled back to look at Dean, stroking his cheek softly as he spoke. "My mom is going on a work trip abroad on behalf of Crowley whilst he fixes up our house," Castiel began to explain, biting his lip with nerves. "And I want you to come with us."

Dean's eyes fluttered closed at the tender intimacy of Castiel kissing his scar. It meant so much to both of them. Previously, Dean hadn't had any scars to hide, but Castiel did and he'd kissed those scars many times, and now Castiel was doing the same to his. He smiled softly as Castiel spoke and looked at him thoughtfully. "I'd love to come," he said, "Where are you guys going?" He asked curiously, leaning into Castiel's warm touch.

Castiel let out a breath in relief, he was happy Dean had said yes. Everything pretty much relied on it. "Paris, France. We'll be staying in my Grande-mere's house so you get to see where I spent the happiest time of my life." Castiel smiled, remembering how he and Jimmy used to run around in the back yard and make cookies with grande-mere. Simpler times.

Dean smiled happily and leaned down so he could rest his head in Castiel's lap and look up at him. "That sounds perfect," he said softly. It was important to share the good parts of their past as well as the bad, and they were learning so much about each other. Dean was touched that Castiel chose to share this memory with him. It seemed as though they were finally coming up from the lowest point in their lives, and they both definitely deserved a vacation.

Castiel sighed happily, trailing his fingers along Dean's spine absently. "I'm so proud of you, love," Castiel murmured. "Everything we've been through. What you've been through." Castiel kissed Dean softly, sucking on his lower lip. "This is going to be an awesome trip, just you wait and see." Castiel hummed, "You'll need to pack tonight and say goodbye to Sammy."

Dean moaned quietly in frustration and shivered as Castiel sucked on his lip. They hadn't had sex since before the accident, because Dean was still recovering and every kiss and touch from Castiel made Dean remember their first time and he wanted to do it again, but he had to wait for his chest to stop hurting before they tried anything more than kisses. It was frustrating, but Dean was happy just having Castiel here beside him. "What, you mean we leave tomorrow?" He exclaimed, "Jeez, talk about short notice!" He teased, grabbing Castiel's hand and pressing it to his lips. "How long are we going for?"

Castiel smiled, moving his hand from Dean's lips to stroke his cheek and neck tenderly. "I'm sorry, I wanted to keep it a surprise for as long as possible." Castiel kissed Dean firmly, hand stroking down his back to his thigh and back up again. "My mom is staying for a month but we can stay a week, maybe a little more..it's up to us. Once we get there we can decide how long to stay for." Castiel grinned excitedly, playing with Dean's hand. "You also have something of mine that I'd like back. I'm not going anywhere without my pick."

Dean laughed slightly in disbelief, careful of his sore chest and eyes closing in pleasure as Castiel's hand wandered down his back and brushed over his thigh. "Can't believe I never gave that back to you," he murmured, shaking his head in amusement. "I know exactly where it is. Kept it in the pocket of the pants you leant me that one time, nice and folded under the bed just in case you ever wanted it back." Thinking about their short-lived breakup wasn't pleasant, and Dean couldn't believe that it had happened. It seemed so trivial now after everything that had happened afterwards, and all of their struggles only made them stronger.

Castiel smiled happily, sitting up and holding his hand out to Dean. "Come on, love. I'll drive us back to yours," Castiel whispered. He managed to get himself and Dean to their feet and lead them over to his bike. "You can stay with us tonight and then by morning we'll be on our way to France." Castiel made a noise of excitement. He loved France and was really excited to show it with Dean.

Dean grinned happily and wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist for a slow kiss before they got on the bike and strapped on their helmets. "I can't wait," he whispered excitedly, smiling so hard his cheeks ached. Dean had never even been out of the country before and this would be a whole new experience for him, and he was really looking forward to sharing it with Castiel. He giggled when Castiel made a little noise of excitement and poked Castiel in the stomach playfully, earning another squeal.

Castiel giggled, batting Dean's hand away. "Stop it, kitten," Castiel tried to say seriously but just ended up smiling ridiculously. He drove them back to Dean's and Castiel sat on the bike, twisting his body to kiss Dean deeply. His side now completely heeled, he could move properly. Although he had a long scar running down his side but scars weren't an issue for him. He was just glad it had heeled properly. "When we get out there, I want to buy you some clothes," Castiel said softly. "Paris is very high on the latest fashions and I want to get you some nice stuff to come back with. I think you'd look sexy in a beret."

Dean laughed breathlessly when they pulled apart from the kiss, trailing his hands lightly over Castiel's stomach. "A beret," he said thoughtfully. "Okay. As long as I get to buy you something, babe." Dean leaned forward and kissed him again despite the small twinge of pain in his side. "I've gotta research my French fashion," he added playfully, "But I'm sure you'd look hot in anything. I've already got a few ideas." He grinned and nipped at Castiel's jaw. "Wanna come in and help me pack?"

Castiel grinned, leaning into Dean's touches. "Sure, you can give back my pick too." Castiel got off the bike and helped Dean off, wrapping an arm around him carefully "You feeling okay today, kitten? Hows your chest?" he asked, looking over at Dean as they walked into the house. Castiel made a note to get Dean to pack his painkillers.

"Better than yesterday," Dean said, pressing a kiss to Castiel's cheek as they walked in the door. It had been about a week and a half since Dean was finally allowed out of bed, and the novelty of having Castiel in his house without trying to hide him still hadn't worn off. John was home, and he'd finally gotten to the point where he was actually nice to Castiel, if not a little distant, but things were definitely getting better and Dean no longer saw John as an immediate threat. He greeted his dad somewhat awkwardly as they walked into the house, because he hadn't actually told his dad about the trip and he wasn't sure how to bring it up.

Castiel greet John with a nod, before turning to Dean and squeezing his hand. "I'll be upstairs," Castiel said, knowing Dean would need a minute. Castiel went upstairs and stared going through Dean's clothes, picking out outfits for him to wear when they were away. He looked under the bed for some shoes and found Dean's ring and his necklace and smiled. He placed the pick around his neck and fiddled with it between his fingers, good to have it back where it belonged.

Dean nodded gratefully at Castiel's understanding and sat down on the couch beside John. "Uh..." he began nervously, not meeting his dad's eyes. "Can I go to France with Cas and his mom for a week?" He blurted, and then waited anxiously for John's reply. "You wanna go to France with Cas?" John murmured after a long moment of tense silence. Dean looked at him pleadingly. "Please. I have enough money saved up from working at the repair shop, I can afford it. You wouldn't have to pay a cent." John closed his eyes and held up a hand dismissively. "Dean, I never said you couldn't go. I'm just a little surprised. When is this trip?" Dean looked at his dad sheepishly. "We leave tomorrow morning," he admitted, "But I swear I didn't know about it until just now. Cas wanted to surprise me." He smiled slightly at that. John studied him carefully. "Are you sure it's a good idea?" He asked skeptically, "You're still recovering, and France is pretty damn far away... and you can hardly even speak French!" Dean rolled his eyes. "Dad, Cas speaks fluent French, and I'm feeling fine. It's only for a week, and I'll call you every day if you want me to. I'll even get you something while I'm there." John looked at Dean uncertainly for another long moment, and then finally he sighed. "All right, but I'm paying for your expenses. You two deserve a break." Dean stared in amazed disbelief. His father had actually agreed to let him go. "You're 18, you can take care of yourself out there." John said, sounding as if he was reassuring himself more than Dean. Dean grinned happily and patted his Dad thankfully on the arm. "Thanks," he said as he jumped up, and Sam came into the room and nearly crashed into Dean. "Where are you going?" He asked curiously, and Dean grinned. "Cas and me are going to France, Sammy!" he exclaimed excitedly, dodging around Sam and his questioning look. "Sorry, gotta go pack. Or else Cas will have me wearing all tight clothes or something." He winked and Sam made a vaguely horrified face that never got old, and Dean ran up to his room, ignoring the ache in his ribs, and found Castiel sorting through his dresser and clothes strewn everywhere. "He said yes," He told Cas happily.

"Of course he did," Castiel smiled, bounding over to Dean and hugging him tightly. "Otherwise, he'd have to deal with me again. I don't think he's gotten over the shock of the last time I talked down to him." Castiel kissed Dean and took Dean's hand, placing the ring back on his finger and kissing the knuckles firmly. "I feel complete again," Castiel smiled, indicating towards his necklace. "Oh, I couldn't find those gorgeous navy jeans anywhere. You know the ones that make your ass look amazing."

Dean rolled his eyes and reached into his closet to search for the jeans Castiel was talking about. "You mean these ones?" He asked, tossing them at Castiel with a smirk. He was glad to finally have the ring on again, and Castiel did look complete with the guitar pick necklace. Dean kissed him again and then pulled his suitcase out and started putting his stuff into it.

Castiel caught the jeans and looked over them in appreciation. "Mmm, yeah these ones. God, you look so good in these." Castiel folded the jeans up carefully and placed them in Dean's suitcase. He started picking up other stuff he though would look good on Dean and folded them neatly, putting them in the suitcase. "Sammy okay with this?" Castiel asked, although he'd warned him about it about a month ago.

Dean giggled and grabbed some socks and underwear and put them into the suitcase along with everything else. "He seems pretty cool with it," he said, "It's not really Sam's approval I was worried about, though. But you know what my dad said? He said he thinks we both deserve a vacation, I was surprised. Thought he was gonna make a scene about it." Dean picked up another pair of jeans and frowned at them in confusion. "Pretty sure these are yours," he murmured, and then shrugged, putting them in the suitcase with his clothes.

Castiel shrugged, "Yeah, well, after my talk with him in the hospital I doubt he's going to be causing much of a scene about anything anymore. He's too scared. You should have seen it Dean, something I never thought I'd see from the man, certainly." Castiel zipped up the case once they were done packing and kissed Dean firmly, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's waist and sighing happily.

Dean smiled happily and leaned his forehead against Castiel's, draping his arms around Castiel's neck loosely. "I wonder how many times I've told you I love you," Dean murmured, "Because it feels like I do it a lot but not enough at the same time." He giggled slightly at his own cheesiness and kissed Castiel's nose lightly. He was glad that his father had finally abandoned his homophobic views and was genuinely trying to be a better father, and he accepted Castiel into their house without any problems, which was more than Dean could ever have hoped for.

Castiel hummed in agreement. "Come on, love," Castiel said, picking up Dean's suitcase for him, seeing as his ribs still hurt. "Say goodbye to Sammy and John and we'll set off to Crowley's." Castiel headed downstairs with the suitcase and saw Sam giving him a hug and speaking to him before Dean came downstairs. "Thanks for keeping my secret, Sammy. This time next week I'll be the happiest man alive. Wish me luck," he whispered.

Sam smiled widely and turned his head to whisper in Castiel's ear. "I don't think you're gonna need luck, but good luck anyway." Dean walked down the stairs a moment later to see Cas and Sam hugging, and he grinned happily. He was so glad Sam loved Castiel like a brother, and whenever the three of them were together Dean felt a rush of warmth go through him. They were a family, the three of them, and Dean loved them both so much. Dean was quickly enveloped in a strong yet careful hug by Sam, and he smiled. "I'll see you in about a week, buddy." He said quietly. "See you, Dad." Dean smiled and walked over to his dad, offering his hand in a handshake awkwardly, but John hugged him instead, leaving Dean feeling stunned. He hadn't been hugged by his father in a very long time, and he hugged back, the small fading from his face as he savored the embrace. "Be safe and don't get lost," John warned when he backed away. He turned to Castiel. "I'm trusting you to take care of him and make sure he doesn't get his American ass in trouble over there." He said seriously.

Castiel grinned at Sam and stepped away and watched as the brothers hugged and Castiel felt warm inside, like he was a part of their little family and Castiel couldn't wait to marry Dean and actually be a part of his family officially. He looked over at John and gave a faint smile, glad John was actually making an effort after their talk a month ago. The damage was still there under the surface but things were getting better and that's all Castiel could ask for. Castiel nodded, "I'm French, I think I can keep him in line just fine. We'll bring you guys back some wine, believe me, it's alcohol at it's finest. Very good with fish dishes." Castiel picked up Dean's suitcase again and headed out the door giving Dean a minute if he needed it. He strapped the case to the back of his bike and waited for Dean.

Dean grinned at Castiel excitedly and then waited a moment in the house because his dad looked like he wanted to say something. John put a hand on either of Dean's shoulders and looked at him in fatherly concern, which made Dean happier than it would have made most teenage boys. "Dean, I want you to be careful, you hear me? I don't know what France is like but don't get into trouble and don't do anything stupid." John had every right to worry as a father, because Dean had never even gone anywhere overnight for more than three days before, and this was a big deal. "I'll be fine," he reassured his dad, "Cas knows the city." John hugged him one last time, and Sam joined in, and Dean bid them farewell and left the house, feeling free and fresh. He smiled at Castiel widely.

"He didn't punch me," Castiel said with a shrug and a smile. "I'm taking that as a good sign. You read to go, babydoll?" Castiel waited until Dean was on the bike and drove them to Crowley's. His house was by far the biggest in town, being the rich businessman he was, he could afford it but even by Crowley's tastes it was very..homely. Bobby stayed here permanently because he taught at the school so insisted on having something nice to live in as opposed to the modern minimalist places Crowley owned all over the place. Castiel's mom was waiting for them and when Castiel walked inside with Dean's suitcase his mom want straight for Dean, hugging him tightly but making sure not to hurt him. "Dean, we haven't seen you in ages. It's good to see you back on your feet, kitten. You excited about France?"

As they walked up to the house, Dean's jaw dropped. This place was huge, bigger than any house Dean had ever visited or even seen, and the lawn was nicely kept with beautiful landscaping. Dean felt like a peasant. As soon as they stepped inside, Dean was careful not to touch anything because the whole house looked really expensive yet comfortable, as if it was straight out of one of those home decorating magazines. Dean hugged Mrs. Novak back just as tightly, grinning happily over her shoulder. "I missed you," He admits, happy to see kind Mrs. Novak again. "It's really good to see you again. I'm very excited, thanks for inviting me along."

Mrs Novak pulled away to look at him, hands placed on both sides of his face as she looked him over, noticing the scar on his head but other than that he looked healthy. She smiled, walking with him through into the kitchen where Crowley as sat by the breakfast bar, eating lunch with Bobby. "Think nothing of it, sweetheart. It's just good to see you back on your feet. You could use some time away." Crowley looked over at Dean and smiled smugly, looking over at Bobby and nudged his side. "You owe me 5 bucks, pet,"

Dean eyed Crowley and Mr. Singer nervously and gave them an awkward smile, feeling like he was missing something, but he didn't ask. Dean took his suitcase from Cas so he didn't have to lug it around anymore, and set it out of the way near the wall in the kitchen. Dean couldn't stop smiling; everyone here looked so happy and lighthearted, and it was such a nice change from the last time he'd seen them all together.

Castiel smiled at Dean, wrapping an arm around him and keeping him close. He looked over at Crowley who was still waiting for Bobby to give in and pay him. "Please, tell me you didn't bet on boyfriend for some form of cheap entertainment," Castiel sighed, shaking his head. Crowley raised an eyebrow and shrugged, "Fine, I won't tell you." Castiel rolled his eyes, leaning his head on Dean's shoulder.

Dean blushed and grinned, hiding his face in Castiel's hair as he leaned his head on Dean's shoulder. Dean had no idea what they were talking about but he just rolled his eyes fondly and wrapped his arm around Castiel as well. Bobby grumbled something under his breath and dug around in his pocket before reluctantly giving Crowley the five dollars. Bobby then looked at Dean and said, "You're looking a lot better, son. How you feelin'?" Dean smiled. "I'm feeling so much better, thanks. I think I'm finally getting back to being my old self."

Castiel smiled, kissing Dean's neck where he could reach. Crowley took the money with a grin, putting it in his blazer pocket. "Yeah, you're lookin' good, kiddo," Crowley agreed, "When you feel better you'll have to come swing by the office some time. I think you'd like it up in the city, I've got some work you and Cas can do if you ever want some work experience." Castiel smiled in appreciation and Mrs Novak sat down opposite Crowley and Bobby and stole one of their chips. Crowley gave her a look and she just grinned. "And you, madame, need to get started on those proposals for Monday. I'm not sending you to France just to babysit these two monkeys." Mrs Novak mocked salute and stole another one of his chips before leaving the room and heading upstairs.

Dean leaned into Castiel's touch and smiled around at everyone. Dean fit in easily with this group of people and he couldn't be happier, his body thrumming with excitement. He couldn't believe he was really going to France with his boyfriend. He sighed excitedly and kissed Castiel's cheek firmly. "Thanks so much for this," Dean said meaningfully, looking at Crowely and Bobby and holding Castiel close with an arm around his waist.

Crowley nodded, with a smile and leant against Bobby a little. "You'll love France, Dean. Won't he, pet?" Crowley looked at Bobby with a knowing grin, chuckling to himself. Castiel rolled his eyes fondly, leaning up to look at Dean. "I should probably go pack myself. You wanna come?" Castiel offered, unsure whether he wanted to spend a little time with Crowley and Bobby or not. It'd be nice for Dean to socialize a bit more after spending so much time in a hospital bed.

"I'm sure he will," Bobby said, grinning back at Crowley and giving Castiel a knowing smile. Dean sighed in mild frustration. He felt like he was missing something, but he ignored it and looked back at Castiel. "I'll come find you in a few minutes." He told him quietly, leaning forward for another quick kiss. He brushed his lips lightly over Castiel's and then stroked his hair gently before letting him walk away, and he turned around to see Bobby smiling at him softly, and Dean blushed. "So. This is a pretty nice house," he said, impressed.

Castiel nodded and went upstairs to pack. Crowley rolled his eyes, "This is Bobby's work. He wanted something less... extravagant. I compromised in a way but you should see our house in the city. More up my street." Crowley smiled at Bobby because he had practically just insulted their home. "Things seem pretty good with your old man?" Crowley inquired casually, taking a genuine interest.

Bobby glared as he sipped his water and Dean tried to hide his amused smile. "My dad is... things are getting better." He said thoughtfully, "He's been a lot more understanding since the accident, especially after Cas talked to him, but I'm not really sure what happened with that." He bit his lip in thought. "He actually lets Cas into our house and he doesn't say anything rude to him anymore, and I think he's actually starting to get more comfortable with us."

Crowley nodded, "Castiel talked to me when you were still sleeping. He asked me to help him out. I have friends in high places, it wouldn't exactly be hard for me to help you boys out. If your old man started acting out we threatened to cut him out of the picture, never see you boys again and well...I guess something must have stuck if he's trying to clean up the mess he made." Crowley looked at his watch and turned from his stool, kissing Bobby's cheek. "Conference call, I'll be in the study." Crowley excused himself and headed off up the stairs.

Dean rose his eyebrows. Crowley never ceased to amaze him with his abilities and connections. "Wow, that's... thanks, Crowely." He said with a soft, honest smile. It was really nice to know how many people cared enough about what happened to him and Cas to actually protect them from John. Bobby smiled fondly at Crowley as he walked out of the room, and when it was just Dean and Bobby left in the kitchen, Bobby's smile softened as he looked at Dean. "I'm really proud of you, son." He said, "I'm proud of both of you boys. What you two have been through is enough to kill a man, but you were strong and were there for each other and that's all that matters." Dean smiled at him, feeling like the warmth in his chest was going to explode out of his eyes into tears, and he couldn't stop himself from walking over to Bobby and hugging him tightly. "Thank you," he whispered, voice breaking a little, and Bobby hugged him back. "Don't thank me," he muttered fondly, "Get your ass upstairs and help your boy pack." Dean blushed and grinned, and Bobby smiled back at him and patted him on the back, shoving him lightly in the direction of the stairs. Dean headed up the stairs and looked around at the many rooms, not knowing which one was Castiel's. "Cas?" He called, wandering around hesitantly.

Castiel heard Dean's voice and appeared from one of the rooms with a huge smile on his face. He bounded towards Dean and kissed him firmly, taking both his hands and leading him back into the bedroom. It was a large with big wooden chested draws, double bed and floor length mirror but there wasn't much that was actually Castiel's. Although that was to be expected, their home and everything with it had been burnt down. Expect for the garage with his bike, Dean's car and a few family albums. So the things Castiel packed were all new items, and things Crowley and some people at church had given him until they got back on their feet. "Hey, love. What you been up to?" Castiel asked, closing the door behind them and kissing Dean again, his smile never fading.

Dean grinned and kissed Castiel eagerly as he walked into the room. He looked around in interest. "Wow, nice place." It felt more like a hotel room than Castiel's own bedroom, but it was still comfortable and Dean was happy that Castiel had been allowed to live here after his house had burned down and he didn't have to live in a dingy motel room until they found another place to live or rebuilt the house. It could've been so much worse. "I was just chatting with Crowley and Mr. Singer for a few minutes," Dean told him, placing his hands on Castiel's hips and kissing him again, their bodies pressing together lightly.

Castiel hummed, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck and played with his hair slightly. His hand trailing from the back of Dean's neck and along his jaw, "You're gettin' some stubble, ol' man. It's about time, I was beginning to worry you were gonna be stuck with a baby face forever," Castiel teased, kissing Dean slowly as he sucked on his lower lip. "I can't believe I get to spend the summer with my gorgeous boyfriend and not have to hide about it. I get to show you off"

Dean laughed into Castiel's lips and hooked the fingers of one hand into the waistband of Castiel's jeans, using it as leverage to pull him closer. With his other hand, he rubbed at his jaw self-consciously and blushed a little. He'd started shaving a little while ago, and he'd forgotten to this morning which left him with a little stubble. Castiel had some too, but he was clean-shaven right now. He rubbed his cheek against Castiel's face teasingly, scraping his stubble against Castiel's smoother skin and smirking. "You like it, baby? I'm thinking about growing a beard. A big, hairy beard like Mr. Singer." He wasn't really, but it was funny to think about. He moaned when Castiel sucked on his lower lip, just the way Dean liked, and then Dean tugged on Castiel's hair with both hands, just enough to make Castiel want to touch him more.

Castiel couldn't help but laugh at that, imagining Dean with a proper beard. He flushed red from laughing and gasped when Dean tugged at his hair, almost moaning in desperation. "God, that's hot," he breathed, smiling against Dean's lips kissing him again. His hands skimmed over Dean's chest lightly before gripping onto his arms. "I'm gonna have to keep an eye on you," Castiel grinned. "Wouldn't want those French boys to get the wrong idea and think you're available " Castiel kissed Dean's stubbled jaw and grimaced. "You need to shave, love."

Dean shivered in want and had to force himself to cool down and not get too worked up, because right now was probably not the best time for that. "I'm yours," Dean reassured with a smile, "Only yours, baby. Nobody else can have me, don't worry." He kissed Castiel again, softer this time and smiled against Castiel's perfect lips. "Oh, don't forget to bring some art supplies. I want you to paint me like one of your French girls," he said, laughter in his voice as he remembered how they'd joked about that in the past. It felt like so long ago, but it wasn't really.

Castiel hummed, kissing Dean passionately moving away to look up at Dean. "I don't paint French girls, they're not dirty enough," Castiel teased, running his hand down Dean's side and resting his hand on Dean's thigh before moving away completely just to annoy Dean and continued packing, putting his art supplies in his case as well as a few books and the rest of his clothes. He zipped up the case and put it on the floor so he could lie on the bed, hands above his head and legs sprawled out to cover the whole bed.

Dean growled quietly in his throat out of frustration as Castiel moved away from him after teasing him, and then he sprawled on the bed lazily. Dean eyed him hungrily, eyes roaming up and down Castiel's lithe body, his shirt riding up to reveal a strip of pale, lean stomach and the outline of one delicious hipbone. Dean went over to the bed and straddled Castiel, supporting himself with both hands on the mattress and his knees on either side of Castiel's thighs. He looked down at him with a mixture of desire and gentle affection. "I love you, Castiel Novak."

Castiel's features softened as he sighed happily, reaching up to stroke Dean's cheek and hold his face gently in his hand. "I love you, Dean Winchester," Castiel smiled, voice fond and thick with emotion. He gently sat up to kiss Dean softly, feeling the warmth of Dean's lips press against his. His hands moving into Dean's hair as he dipped Dean's head carefully to run his lips over the other's jaw and up the side of his face to the scar across his head, kissing it tenderly and just holding Dean close as he cradled his head.

Castiel's gentle, tender touches left Dean breathless with emotion and love, and he closed his eyes and tried to breathe normally as Castiel's lips trailed over his face and kissed the ugly scar on his head. Dean rested his hands lightly on Castiel's hips, thumbs wandering down a little bit to feel his hipbones, the warm, delicate skin there, and then brought one hand to rest on Castiel's chest, right over his heart. Dean exhaled shakily and smiled, pressing his lips to Castiel's throat and kissing his skin tenderly.

Castiel sighed happily, leaning into Dean as he touched him gentle, loving hands. He moved Dean's carefully, turning them so Dean lay on the bed with Castiel half on top of him with their legs entwined. Castiel's head resting on the pillow next to Dean's with their foreheads pressed together. "We have a few hours yet," Castiel breathed in a whisper, still playing with Dean's hair. "What do you want to do?" Castiel asked, concerned, Dean always said he was fine but Castiel could see his chest still bothered him a little now and then and Castiel didn't want him to push him into hurting himself.

Dean cupped Castiel's face and inhaled his familiar scent happily. Cas surrounded him and this was Dean's favorite spot in the world, right here in Castiel's arms. Dean's toes curled in pleasure and he wrapped his legs around Castiel's, snuggling up with him happily. "I don't care what we do as long as I'm with you," he murmured, kissing Castiel softly and pulling him closer.

Castiel grinned, kissing Dean briefly before pulling back to stare into his eyes. "Good answer," he murmured, counting Dean's freckles. Something Jimmy had caught his attention with. He still hadn't been able to get the number Jimmy did, every time he tried he'd get distracted just by looking at Dean. Castiel blinked, giving up again and pressing his fingertips lightly to Dean's cheek. "So beautiful," Castiel breathed. "I can't wait to paint you. Photograph you, capture you in every way I can. I don't want to forget this trip."

Dean studied Castiel's face. "I wish I could paint," he said quietly, "But I literally can't. Looks like a three-year old when I try." He smiled shyly and kissed Castiel passionately, unable to express the vastness of his love for him. "So I guess I'll settle for photos of you. Pictures of us. And I'm gonna frame them and put them all over my house no matter what my dad says." He was so excited for this; it would be the most extravagant thing they'd ever done together and he couldn't wait to spend a week in romantic, beautiful Paris with his gorgeous, amazing boyfriend. "And don't worry, you won't forget this trip, baby." Dean growled, nipping playfully at Castiel's lips and reaching down to squeeze Castiel's ass briefly.

Castiel chuckled, "When the house gets rebuilt, I'm gonna have a whole wall dedicated to us. Just photos of us and through everything we've done together." Castiel smirked, moaning softly as he leant into Dean's -not quite- embrace. "I know I won't but when I'm old and gray, and struggle to remember what day it is. I want something to help keep our youth alive because no matter what I don't want to forget you, love. Ever."

Dean's smile faded a little at the thought of them old, their memories fading, and he kissed Castiel gently. "We're young," he said in a soft voice, "We've got our whole lives to live together." Dean pressed light, slow kisses over Castiel's entire face, jaw and neck, and then worked his way down to Castiel's collarbones and trailed his lips over the beautiful lines of Castiel's body. "You won't forget me, Cas. I'll be with you until the day I die."

Castiel sighed happily, running his hand through Dean's hair as the other worshipped his body with his lips. Pressing warm, tender kisses to his neck and made Castiel moan softly. He loved Dean with all of his heart and the fact that Dean wanted this too made Castiel grin. Their trip to France would be a success. They'd be engaged and nothing could stop them. He moved Dean to lie beneath him so he could kiss him firmly, bumping his nose against Dean's cheek when he moves away slightly. "We should eat. We'll have to get going soon and I don't really trust airline food."

Dean looked up at Castiel with wide eyes full of love and emotion and desire, and he smiled in wonder. "Yeah, we should. But food's not what I'm hungry for." He grabbed Castiel's face and pulled him down into another searing kiss. When they pulled apart, noses brushing and lips damp and swollen from kisses, Dean said breathlessly, "You're right, though. I think I smell food, is someone cooking?"

Castiel giggled as Dean kissed him hot and desperately causing Castiel to moan into his boyfriend's mouth. He whimpered a little when Dean moved away and breathed deeply for air. "I think my mom might be, you wanna go see?" Castiel sat up a little, taking a moment to compose himself and took Dean's hand, leading him downstairs to where his mom was chatting with Bobby and cooking steaks. Castiel spotted Amber curled up on the floor and he scooped her up and into his arms. "Hello, baby, d'ya miss me. Huh?" Castiel crooned, stroking behind her ear as she purred happily.

Dean chuckled in amusement as Castiel whimpered, and he rolled away and stood up, wincing slightly as he twisted his body and caused a sharp twinge of pain to shoot through his ribs, but he ignored it and went downstairs with Castiel, looking in amazement at the nice house as they made their way to the kitchen. He smiled in greeting at everyone and tried to smooth down his hair and clothes so they didn't look too obvious. "Smells delicious, Mrs. Novak," He said brightly, and stood beside Castiel to pet Amber. "Cas, you see her everyday," Dean laughed, "She probably missed me more than she missed you, I haven't seen her in ages."

(We need a name for Castiel's mom I'm fed up of calling her Mrs. Novak but I just can't think of a decent name for her and I don't want to mess up her name cause then we'd always have to call her that)

Castiel pouted, "That's not true. I've been with you in the hospital pretty much everyday." Castiel kissed Amber making a loud _mwah _sound. Amber purred leaning up into Dean's hand. Mrs Novak smiled, "Thank you, Dean." She placed three plates of steak and fries on the table and sat down herself. "Okay, boys. Dig in. It's gonna be a while until we eat again so make the most of it." Castiel kissed Dean briefly before setting Amber down and heading off to the table.

(HAHa I know, I kept meaning to ask you about that but yes, we really do need a name... Idk, some random ideas I have are Julia, Katherine, Grace, Jennifer, Genevieve... lol idk?!)

Dean sat down with the others around the table and smiled shyly. This was the first time he was actually eating dinner with Castiel's family, in addition to Bobby and Crowley. It was comfortably, although a slightly odd mixture of people, but they fit together well and Dean was happy. He sat next to Castiel and grinned at him, almost wiggling in his seat out of excitement and joy, and waited for Mrs. Novak to sit down before they began eating.


	29. Chapter 29

Castiel took Dean's hand and squeezed it under the table, smiling happily. Mrs Novak sat down at the table with Bobby and Crowley. "So, the speech is done and the proposal I'll finish once we get there. Is there anything I'm missing?" Mrs Novak asked Crowley, squirting ketchup onto her plate. Crowley hummed in thought, "Whiskey, at least 70 years. There's a little store in the centre of town that'll sell it." Crowley looked briefly in Castiel's direction. "Fine tabaco too, if I'm not mistaken." Castiel blushed, dipping his head. "I don't think I'll be smoking for a while," Castiel said quietly. Mrs Novak smiled sadly, "You shouldn't blame yourself, hon. It was an accident." Castiel shook his head and started eating his food. Crowley stood up and poured himself and Bobby some whiskey. Handing Bobby a glass and kissing his cheek, whispering in his ear with a smug expression on his face. Castiel shook his head, he did not want to know. Castiel turned to Dean and stroked his hair, smiling at the scar that appeared as he brushed back the hair with his thumb. "Beautiful," he murmured, using the distraction to pinch on of Dean's fries.

Dean watched the scene before him, feeling pleasantly warm and safe. This is what a family dinner should look like. Dean squeezed Castiel's hand reassuringly when he mentioned smoking, and eyed Crowley curiously. Dean grinned when Castiel stroked his hair and looked at his scar, calling it beautiful, and Dean blushed and shook his head. "Uh, Cas..." he began, but then noticed Castiel's quick fingers stealing his food and he shoved him playfully. "Dude, you have your own!" He protested, and then just to prove a point he took a sip of Castiel's water, smirking at him.

Castiel pouted, playing with Dean's hair before moving away. "I like sharing food with you," Castiel complained when he was denied the pleasure. He returned to his own food and ate happily. Katherine hummed, eating her own food and glancing up at her boys with a proud smile. They'd been through so much and it made her smile every time she saw their faces light up when they were around one another. Castiel stole another fry from Dean's plate, giggling at the look on Dean's face.

Dean rolled his eyes. "What, do you need me to feed you or something?" He teased, biting the end of one fry and leaning forward for Castiel to bite the other end, grinning widely around the food. Dean was kind of expecting a 'Boys, stop playing with your food' comment from Castiel's mom, but he was too happy to care. Too excited and overjoyed. Truthfully, Dean liked sharing food with Castiel as well, so he teased him with the fry, prodding it against his lips and cheek.

Castiel laughed, taking the other end of the fry and eating it without choking on it as he continued to chuckle. He was having so much fun with Dean. They could finally do this sort of thing openly and it made him smile ridiculously. Crowley rolled his eyes and gave a_ahem_cough. Castiel blushed and gave Crowley an apologetic look but didn't care and kept laughing with Dean anyway whilst he ate.

Dean ducked his head and giggled, face blushing deeply as he gave Crowley a sheepish look. Bobby chuckled at the two of them and continued eating. Dean finally took a bite of his steak, and he moaned quietly as he chewed it. "This is great, Mrs. Novak," he said to her appreciatively. "I haven't had a home-cooked meal like this in a while." John didn't cook much and the Winchesters didn't really do family dinners that often.

Castiel grinned, eating his steak and fries. Mrs Novak smiled happily, "Dean, please. Call me Kathy," she smiled sweetly. Castiel grinned proudly, they'd gotten to that stage where his mom was comfortable enough with Dean to pretty much accept him as family. Castiel squeezed Dean's knee under the table before continuing to finish his meal. "So, mom, when are we going?" Castiel asked, dunking his fries into the ketchup. Katherine smiled, "As soon as we've finished we're going to leave these fine gentleman and head off for a lovely time in France," she smiled excitedly.

Dean smiled shyly. "Okay. Kathy." He tried it out, feeling a little strange calling her by her first name, but it meant she accepted him and liked him and Dean was happy with that. Dean's knee bounced up and down under the table in excitement and he realized he'd been eating really quickly, probably out of anticipation and eagerness to go. He couldn't stop smiling, and he pressed a quick, hard kiss to Castiel's cheek and then continued eating. "So, how long is the flight?" Dean asked curiously, "It's gotta be at least 6 hours," he mused.

"Try 8, love," Castiel grinned, finishing his food and sipping at his water. Castiel started clearing away the plates but Crowley stopped him. "Just leave them. We'll do them when you're gone." Crowley insisted. Castiel nodded and sat back down with Dean and kissed his cheek. "There's a lot of waiting around at airports too so it's gonna be a while yet," Castiel sighed, playing with Dean's hair.

Dean smiled softly. "I don't mind," he murmured, "Long as I've got you to keep me entertained." He kissed Castiel chastely, not even caring that his mom, Mr. Singer, and Crowley were right there. When he pulled back a little, he kept his hand on Castiel's neck, stroking the soft skin there absently. "Thanks for dinner, Mrs. Nov- Kathy," he corrected himself, blushing slightly.

Mrs Novak smiled, "No problem, Dean." She stood up and hugged both Bobby and Crowley in turn. "I'm gonna miss you boys," she said, on the verge of tears. They'd been so supportive of her over the past few months and Katherine had no idea how to thank them for everything they've done. Crowley smiled, "Just don't bugger up the deal. I've got a lot of money riding on this." Katherine smirked, "Yes, sir." Castiel hugged Bobby and Crowley too and bid his goodbyes.

Dean awkwardly offered a hand to Mr. Singer for a handshake but found himself pulled into a strong hug, and he grinned happily against the ever-present flannel. "You boys have a good time over there, okay? Have some fun, God knows you deserve it," he said gruffly, patting Dean on the back as he pulled away. Dean smiled up at him. "Thanks, sir." He said, and Bobby chuckled affectionately. "I know I'm your teacher, but call me Bobby. We know each other well enough by now." Dean smiled and nodded shyly. "All right. Thanks, Bobby. For everything." he said meaningfully, and then he turned to Crowley. "And thank you, too."

Crowley hugged Dean "Just take care of that boy of yours. I'll come after you if you don't," Crowley warned and Katherine batted Crowley's arm playfully. "Be nice," she chuckled going over to hug Castiel. Crowley stood out of the embrace and shrugged, "Just have fun." Castiel hugged his mom excitedly before moving to pick up both his and Dean's suitcases, not wanting Dean to strain anything and put their cases in the car. His mom following behind with her case.

Dean followed them out to the car, protesting, "Cas, you don't have to do that," as Castiel carried his suitcase. "Thanks, though." They got into the car and Dean shivered in excitement, grinning like a six year old and holding Castiel's hand. Kathy got into the car and Dean smiled at her. He couldn't believe they were really doing this. Dean knew almost nothing about France, except for the culture stuff they learned in French class.

Kathy drove them to the airport which took about an hour to get to as it was in the city. Castiel spent the ride over leaning against Dean and singing in French quietly as he played with Dean's fingers. When they got the airport, Kathy took both Dean and Castiel's passports and put them with the tickets and documentations and led them to the counter where they checked in their luggage and went through security. By then, all that was left to do was wait for their flight to be called. They sat in the lounge, Castiel's head in Dean's lap and looking up at him through his lashes. Kathy sat opposite them, reading up on the proposal she'd have to give on Monday.

The car ride was nice and relaxing, and Dean rested his cheek on the top of Castiel's head and watched as his boyfriend played with his fingers, the soft smile never leaving his face. After they were done with all the paperwork and security stuff, they settled down in the airport lounge, and Castiel's head rested in his lap. He played with Castiel's hair absently as he looked around, people watching the many strangers passing through the airport. Dean had only flown once, when he was younger and his family was taking a rare vacation. He smiled down at Castiel and stroked his thumb over Castiel's eyebrows. "That old lady over there looks like she wants to adopt you and feed you cookies," he whispered, glancing up at an elderly woman sitting across from them who was smiling sweetly at them.

Castiel giggled, covering his mouth to stop from laughing to loudly. "She can't have me," Castiel murmured, taking Dean's hand in his and kissing the fingertips tenderly. "I'm all yours." He sighed entwining their hands and holding them over his chest where his heart lay. "You'll love it in France, kitten. There's fresh bread and wine and starry nights," Castiel sighed happily, smiling up at Dean.

"Sounds romantic," Dean murmured, smiling down at Castiel and briefly bring his his hand up to kiss each of Castiel's fingertips before laying their hands back on Castiel's chest. He loved the feeling of Castiel's heart and breath steady under his hands, his head heavy, warm, and comforting in Dean's lap. He couldn't wait to experience Paris with Castiel. He'd only ever seen Paris in romance movies before, and it did look very romantic and beautiful there.

Castiel and Dean stayed like that for about an hour before their flight was called. Castiel talked to Dean about France, teaching him a few words and kissing him when he got something right..which was a lot. They got on the plane and Castiel found himself wrapped in one of the blankets they handed out and lying fast asleep against Dean's shoulder.

When they were finally on the plane headed for Europe, Dean was pleasantly tired, cozy and comfortable with the blanket and Castiel by him, and he pulled Castiel closer to him so he'd be more comfortable, leaning both of their seats back slightly, and fell asleep soon after, the steady warm breaths against his neck calming Dean into a deep, happy sleep.

Castiel awoke to his mom shaking him gently, "Sweetheart, we're here." Castiel didn't want to get up, too comfortable wrapped in Dean and the blankets. He reluctantly moved, blinking a few times before looking out the window and smiling sleepily, kissing Dean. "Baby, we're here. We're in Paris," Castiel grinned, kissing Dean again to try and wake him up.

Dean smiled and leaned into the warmth of Castiel, and opened his eyes in slight confusion. "What, we're here already?" He mumbled, rubbing his eyes and yawning. He stretched and whined slightly in pleasure at the feeling of stretching his stiff legs, and then began untangling himself from Castiel's limbs and the blankets they'd been sharing. The other passengers were standing up and getting their bags down and Dean stood up and did the same since he was on the aisle seat, and winced as his ribs twinged in pain.

Castiel stood up and placed a hand on Dean's hip, "You okay, kitten?" he asked in concern as he saw Dean give an uneasy look. It was to be expected that Dean would feel a bit uncomfortable but he just wanted to make sure. Castiel got their bags from Dean and kissed him reassuringly. "Just another hour and we'll be at the house," Castiel smiled.

Dean smiled and nodded reassuringly. "I'm fine, just a bit sore." He followed Kathy out of the plane and into the Paris airport, and he gazed around in wonder. This was France. There were French signs everywhere, also translated into English, Spanish, and German, but it was really strange seeing French as the first language. "Wow," he murmured, pausing to look around.

Castiel watched Dean take in the atmosphere. Although Castiel hadn't been here in a while he still remembered it pretty well but to see Dean's face light up made his heart melt. "We're just gettin' started, love. Just you wait," Castiel grinned, kissing Dean's cheek and taking his hand. He led them out the airport with Kathy to get into a taxi and drive up to the old house on the outskirts of the city. It was a quiet street that overlooked the city but was still only a ten minute bus ride into the heart of the city so the location was perfect. The house was very tall and skinny, the fashion for French architect. There were four floors, including the attic. The attic, the only place you could see the view of the whole city but Castiel was saving that for_the night._So the attic would have to wait. He took Dean inside and showed him around the place. It was all old furniture, nicely decorated but well lived in. It screamed homely and Castiel sighed, the only thing missing was his grande-mere.

Dean stared out the window the entire time they were in the taxi, taking in every new sight and absorbing the culture like a sponge. He noticed everything, eyes wide with amazement and wonder, and everything fascinated him. The weather was different, cooler, and he had no idea what had happened with the time zone and didn't know what time of day it was, and when they finally got to the house Dean was exhausted from all the new information he'd soaked up. The house was comfortable and cozy, and Dean set his suitcase in the front hall as Castiel showed him around. It was nice here, and Dean instantly felt at home. "It's beautiful," Dean said with a smile, sliding his hand around Castiel's waist as they stood in one of the bedrooms.

Castiel smiled, sighing happily as he leant back against Dean. "It's still the early hours in the morning. We should go back to bed," Castiel murmured, leading Dean to the bed and getting him to help make it quickly with the sheets from the cupboards before lying on the bed comfortably with arms wrapped around him and his head resting on Dean's chest, listening to the steady sound of his heart beating.

Dean sighed deeply and held Castiel close, their bodies fitting together perfectly as they slowly relaxed into sleep. Castiel's head rested on his chest and Dean closed his eyes with a smile on his face, stroking his hands through Castiel's soft hair and feeling a warmth spread through his chest and tingle through his entire body. He was just so happy to be here with Castiel, so warm and tired and relaxed and everything was perfect now. "I love you, Cas." He mumbled sleepily, resting one hand on the back of Castiel's neck.

Castiel hummed "I love you, too." Castiel soon fell asleep to the soothing rhythm of Dean's heart. He awoke to a much brighter day, the sun streaming in through the curtains and dancing with the dust in the cool air. Castiel stirred, moving slightly to look up at Dean and smiling softly as he watched his boyfriend sleep. His face looked different from when he slept in the hospital. He looked less pained and more content. Castiel ran delicate fingers through Dean's short hair, stroking it gently as he watched Dean sleep. His lashes thick, concealing bright green eyes behind reddish lids. His lips parted marginally as long shallow breaths brushed against Castiel's cheek. He looked so beautiful and at peace, Castiel almost didn't want to see France. He was content to just stay here and be with Dean.

Dean awoke slowly with a smile on his face, soaking in the heavy warmth that was Castiel against him, wrapped up in his arms. He stretched languidly and cracked his eyes open, the air in the room cool against his sleep-flushed face and he was cozy under the blankets with Castiel. Fingers stroked through his hair and Dean leaned into the touch, humming sleepily, and he glanced over at Castiel and met those stunning blue eyes that always left Dean breathless. "Bonjour," he mumbled with a lazy grin, bumping his nose against Castiel's.

Castiel giggled, pressing a light kiss to Dean's jaw. "Bonjour, mon cher," Castiel murmured happily. "It's still early. I thought we could take a walk around the city. Get some fresh bread and food and make breakfast for us all," Castiel suggested. His mom didn't have to work until tomorrow so he thought it would be nice to give her a relaxing day today. "What do you think, love?" Castiel asked, playing with Dean's hair.

"That's a great idea," Dean smiled, stretching again and yawning, muscles trembling with effort. He sighed happily and started to sit up to look around the room and out the window, not having been able to see much of it yesterday because it was dark and late when they'd arrived. The sun was just rising and the streets of the city weren't very crowded yet, but people were walking on the sidewalks and some taxis were driving through the streets. "Cas, this is so cool." Dean said with an excited grin, hugging his boyfriend tightly.

Castiel grinned, hugging Dean back just as tightly. "We're just getting started, love. Come on, we'll unpack later." Castiel sat up and stretched, holding out his hand for Dean and dragging him quietly downstairs. They were greeted with a pleasantly warm morning. Castiel held Dean's hand as he walked him in the direction of the local shops. "If I remember correctly there is a cobbled street just down the road with bakeries and grocery stores," Castiel said aloud.

They'd slept in their clothes last night, but Dean didn't care. He absently smoothed out the wrinkles on the back of Castiel's shirt as they walked and straightened his own hair a little, but he was too busy taking in the sights of Paris. They weren't even in the heart of the city but it was beautiful and different here, and Dean looked at everything with wide, fascinated eyes, holding Castiel's hand. "When's the last time you were here?" He asked curiously, turning to look at Cas.

"Three years ago. For the funeral," Castiel said quietly, tightening his grip on Dean's hand. They found the street a few moments later. For Paris, it didn't look like the rest of the city. It was quiet and old fashioned. Sweet stores with huge jars of candy shown in the shop window and butchers with fresh meat. The smell of fresh produce and bread filled the streets and Castiel hummed. "Parfait," he murmured, tugging on Dean's hand to go into the grocery store.

Dean glanced at Castiel sympathetically and squeezed Castiel's hand in return and they walked in silence for a few minutes, and when they reached the street Cas had mentioned Dean grinned. It was beautiful and Dean felt like he was on the set of some old romance movie. The smell of the freshly baked bread made Dean's mouth water, and he followed Castiel into a grocery store, interested by how different it was from American stores. He found the source of the delicious smell in the side of the store, where there were baskets of freshly baked bread still steaming from the oven.

Castiel looked around, taking in the sight of French food again. He picked up some eggs, milk and orange juice and asked the guy behind the counter for some baguettes and slices of bacon in French. The man stared at Dean, clear to him that he wasn't from here and Castiel told him he was American and the man smiled widely in understanding. Castiel turned to Dean with a bright smile, "He said welcome to France."

Dean put his hands in his pockets awkwardly and grinned to himself when Castiel spoke to the man behind the counter in his perfect French accent. Castiel was damn sexy when he spoke French. He smirked to himself and then blushed when he realized they were both looking at them, and he vaguely caught that they were talking about him but their dialogue was too quick and smooth for Dean to understand clearly. "Je vous remercie, monsieur." Dean said back to the man with a shy smile. His first time actually using the language with the real purpose of communication.

Castiel smiled proudly at Dean and the man seemed pleased that Dean was trying to embrace the language. He paid the man with euros Crowley had given him before they left and thanked the man, walking back out the store and taking Dean's hand again. "Very good, kitten," Castiel praised once they were out the store and on their way back to the house.

Dean smiled, feeling pleased with himself. He had actually communicated with somebody who spoke French as their first language and not completely embarrassed himself. "That's all? 'Very good, kitten'? Don't I get a treat?" He goaded, threading his fingers with Castiel's and spinning him towards him lazily with a playful grin on his face. Dean couldn't stop smiling even though he was sure he looked ridiculous.

Castiel chuckled, leaning against Dean as they walked. The bag of food in his other hand. "Don't worry, love. You'll get your reward," he purred in a low, suggestive voice. They made it back to the house and Castiel set the food down on the kitchen table, going about setting up for breakfast by finding the pans needs and plates.

Dean grinned and patted Castiel's ass. "Lookin' forward to it, baby." He replied in an equally suggestive voice. When they got back to the house, Mrs. Novak was still asleep and Dean started going through the cupboards to help get breakfast ready. He pulled out mixing bowls and watched curiously as Castiel began laying out ingredients. "So, what exactly are we making?" He asked.

Castiel put the milk and orange juice to one side and took out the bacon and eggs. "Just good ol' fashion bacon and eggs," Castiel shrugged. He knew how to cook some food but they only had limited stuff until they could go to the supermarché. Castiel cracked the eggs and put them in a pan over the cooker as well as the bacon.

"Awesome," Dean said, pouring three glasses of orange juice and setting out forks and plates. He liked this domesticity, it made him feel warm and happy for some reason, him and Castiel bumping into each other in the kitchen as they prepared breakfast. When everything was set and all they had to do was wait for the food to cook, Dean stepped up behind Castiel and wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist. "Smells delicious, sweetie." He murmured, pressing a soft kiss to Castiel's temple.

Castiel hummed leaning back into Dean's embrace and smiling happily. "I never thought I would have this," Castiel whispered, flipping the bacon with the plastic spatula. "Never thought I would have someone who I could be so open with, confide my darkest secrets with and yet carry on like nothing had happened." Castiel turned his head to kiss Dean gently. "I tell you things that would make any other man run and yet you stay, wrap your arms around me and we cook breakfast together because despite everything you still love me and and I you and I honestly never pictured myself having anything half as good as this." Castiel turned back to the food, serving it out evenly between the three of them and dumping the empty pan in the sink. He put the plates on the table and turned back to Dean kissing him passionately, yet tender and slow. He pulled away with a breathless smile, "I'm just so glad you came."

Dean kissed Castiel back just as meaningfully, cupping his face gently with the palms of both hands as he did so. Dean felt like they were adults, not teenagers on the brink of adulthood, still in school. Most relationships in high school were trivial things that didn't last long, but him and Cas were different. They were soulmates. "Cas, all your dark secrets only make you more beautiful to me," Dean whispered, keeping close to Cas. "The fact that you're willing to share your past with me despite the fear that it'll scare me away, that you're still here and going strong even after all the horrible stuff you've had to deal with..." Dean kissed him again, soft and sweet. "Nothing could ever make me love you less."

Castiel's heart warmed at Dean's words and he wrapped his arms around him, burying his his head into Dean's chest and sighed happily. Katherine walked in at this moment and stopped in the doorway not wanting to ruin the obvious moment they were having. Castiel heard her and turned his head to look up at her with a soft smile. "Sorry boys, I smelt bacon and just wanted to see what was happening in regards to breakfast." Castiel smiled, gesturing to the third plate. "Already taken care of." Katherine smiled and took a seat. "You boys are too good to me," she grinned. Castiel took a seat and gestured for Dean to sit next to him.

Dean smiled at Kathy when she entered the room. He was finally starting to get over the shy blushing thing that always happened when she saw him and Cas together, and Dean supposed that was a good thing. He grew more and more comfortable around her each day, and the atmosphere between them was friendly and kind. "Good morning," he said to her with a grin as he sat down beside Castiel, inhaling the delicious scent of freshly cooked eggs and bacon.

"Good morning, sweetheart," Kathy replied with a soft smile, nibbling at her breakfast. Castiel hummed, eating also and squeezing Dean's knee under the table. "Hey, mom, I was gonna show Dean the sights today. You wanna come?" he offered. Kathy smiled but shook her head. "That's okay, hon, you go off and have fun with Dean. I've seen it before and I need to work on the presentation back here anyway."

Dean moved his leg closer to Castiel automatically, and his socked foot found Castiel's bare one under the table and he wiggled his toes against Castiel's. Dean scooped a forkful of eggs into his mouth and smirked slightly, not looking at Castiel. When Castiel spoke, Dean looked up in interest. "I can't wait," he said eagerly around a mouthful of food, "Excellent bacon, by the way."

Castiel smiled, rolling his eyes fondly at his boyfriend's manners. "Thank you," he smiled, eating happily. "I was thinking maybe the basic tourist stuff today. Y'know like the Effiel tower and all that?" Castiel finished his food quickly, starving seeing as they hadn't eaten since they were back home. Kathy finished her food shortly after and started washing the dishes, leaving the boys to go out and have fun.

Dean finished his breakfast and nodded happily, standing up and taking his and Castiel's plates to the sink. "That sounds great," he said enthusiastically, turning back to face Castiel with a wide grin as he stretched again, his ribs aching with the effort. "How far away are we from the Eiffel Tower?" He asked curiously, taking Castiel's hand and starting to walk back to their bedroom so they could get dressed and brush their teeth.

"If we get a bus it shouldn't take more than 5-10 minutes," Castiel shrugged. He went through his suitcase and picked out a v-neck grey t-shit and black waistcoat with dark denim jeans and vans. He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. "I can't wait to buy my own clothes," Castiel commented. He felt odd in other peoples clothes but he was still grateful for people's generosity.

"What are you talking about, that looks hot!" Dean protested as he took his shirt off and walked over to stand in front of Cas as he adjusted the waistcoat and then smoothed it down Castiel's chest, stepping back to admire him. "You're a knockout," he said, "I'm worried some fashion designer is gonna try to kidnap you and use you as a model." He undressed and changed into the jeans Castiel liked, the ones that showed off his ass, and picked a light green long sleeved v neck shirt and pushed the sleeves up to his elbows.

Castiel blushed, dipping his head and looking away slightly. He would never get over how much Dean complimented him. He loved him for how easily he could make himself feel better. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean, looking over his body appreciatively. "And look at you, I can't wait to start taking pictures of you," Castiel grinned. He wanted to have the memories forever. He pulled out his phone and took a quick picture of him and Dean together. "Our first photo in France," he announced excitedly.

Dean grinned at the camera as Castiel took a picture of them, their faces close together and Castiel's arm outstretched to shoot the photo. He kissed Castiel's cheek and looked at the picture of them together. They were both smiling, their eyes bright, and Dean laughed in joy. They both looked so happy and excited and in love. It captured the moment perfectly. "God, I love you," he murmured, kissing Castiel firmly. "I'm gonna grab my camera so I can take our second picture in France. We've gotta ask people to take our picture together in front of things."

Castiel grinned excitedly, putting his phone back in his pocket. He followed Dean, taking his hand once he'd gotten his camera and led him outside to catch the bus into the heart of the city. The houses soon turned into larger buildings, cathedrals and attractions as they got closer into Paris. The river running alongside the road as well as rows of market stalls along the river. It was all very picturesque and Castiel felt at home again. He looked over at Dean and smiled sweetly. "Welcome to France, my love," he murmured.

Dean couldn't stop smiling and he realized he looked like the world's most touristy tourist while Castiel actually looked like he belonged here. The city was amazing, so unlike any place Dean had ever seen before, and he snapped pictures of some beautiful buildings he saw. It was really exciting but slightly confusing, as everything was written in French, obviously, and Dean couldn't read the signs fast enough as they drove by. He turned to Castiel wide eyed, tearing his eyes away from the beautiful city for a second to meet Castiel's blue ones, and grinned in awe. "This is amazing," Dean breathed.

Castiel kissed Dean's cheek. "See that?" Castiel asked pointing to eiffel tower as it came into view. "We're gonna go up it and you'll be able to see across Paris for miles around." The bus stopped just a walk away from the tower and Castiel took Dean's hand and led him along the river towards the tower, stopping to take their picture in front of it. He took out his phone and took a quick picture with the tower in the background. He kissed Dean's cheek again and led him to the queue for the elevator to go up the tower. The elevator went half way to where a restaurant lay inside the tower then the other half was taken by steps. When the finally made it to the top Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean's waist and leant his chin on the other's shoulder and murmured in his ear all the different places they could see and pointed them out.

Dean placed his hands over Castiel's arms, which were circled around his waist, and leant back into Castiel's body. He couldn't believe they were really in Paris together, and he looked out at the stunning view of the city. Dean had never seen anything like it before, and he listened to the soft sound of Castiel's voice telling him about the city. Dean had never been happier, and this was perfect. Him and Castiel on the top of the Eiffel Tower, wrapped in each other's arms as they looked out at the city. It was windy and chilly at this height, and Dean shivered slightly and leant into Castiel more. Dean spotted another young couple, a man and woman and heard them speaking in French to each other, so he took his digital camera out of his pocket and asked them, "Excusez-moi, pouvez-vous nous prendre en photo, s'il vous plaît?" They smiled at them and took the camera from Dean, and snapped a few pictures of him and Castiel. "L'embrasser." Said the woman with a sweet smile, still holding the camera up to them, and she moved around and turned them slightly so the city was in the background.

Castiel grinned excitedly as Dean spoke to the woman. Castiel hadn't given him enough credit. His French was pretty good and Castiel felt bad that he hadn't believe in Dean enough to think he was capable of asking for stuff himself. He blushed a little when the woman asked them to kiss. "L'embrasser," he repeated with a smirk, pulling Dean close and wrapping his arms around his neck as he kissed him. The woman took the photo and he had to remember to pull away from Dean to get the camera back without the awkwardness of the woman waiting whilst they made out. "Merci," he nodded, taking the camera back with a grin and looking at the photo with a fond smile. "I need this one printed, definitely."

Dean thanked the woman, who was grinning at them happily, and he blushed a little and turned his attention to the photo. "That's great," he murmured, smiling at the picture of them. He'd never actually seen what they looked like while kissing, and he couldn't stop smiling at the way they looked so comfortable with each other, the gentle lovingness of Dean's palm on Castiel's neck, fingers curling around to lightly grab the hair at the back of Castiel's neck, Castiel's arms around his neck. It was perfect, and Dean nodded in agreement. "Yeah, we've gotta get this one printed and framed."

Castiel hummed, putting the camera strap back around Dean's neck and kissing his nose. "Come on, let's go get some lunch," Castiel grinned. He held Dean's hand and they made their way back down the tower. Castiel took a moment to remember somewhere nice for lunch and suddenly kicked into gear, walking with Dean towards a small restaurant down one of the back streets, away from the tourists. "This is my grande-mere's friends restaurant," Castiel told Dean. "I don't know if she'll remember me but I remember coming here and they do really great food. Their chocolate cake is out of this world. It's so rich."

Dean was glad to be away from the busy streets filled with tourists, and he could simply experience the city itself with Castiel. He gazed around curiously as they walked down a smaller street lined with small shops and restaurants. When they entered a restaurant that was small and cozy, a delicious scent of different kinds of food hit Dean and his stomach rumbled. "Chocolate cake. You sure do know how to treat a man." He hooked his arm around Castiel's as they walked into the restaurant, fingers sliding down to tangle with Castiel's.

Castiel chuckled, entering the restaurant to be greeted by an elderly woman who looked at Castiel curiously. "Jimmy?" she asked with a slightly surprised face. Castiel's heart sank, swallowing thickly. He didn't have the heart to tell her so instead replied, "Non, Jimmy. Castiel." The woman's features softened as she hugged him tightly, making all the air from Castiel's lungs leave. "Ça fait tellement longtemps," she smiled, pulling away to look at Dean. "et qui est-ce?" Castiel smiled, looking over at Dean. "He's my boyfriend." The woman gave him an odd look. "You're American?" she asked her English accented. Castiel nodded, "We moved almost 10 years ago." The woman shook her head, "I thought Katherine took her boys to England?" Castiel smiled but shook his head. The woman shrugged and showed them to a table. "It's good to see you again, it's been too long, Jimmy." Castiel went to correct her but figured it didn't matter anyway.

Dean bit his lip when Jimmy's name escaped the woman's lips, and he squeezed Castiel's hand, but he stepped to the side to allow the woman to hug him. He smiled at her and nodded politely when Castiel introduced him. "Ravi de vous rencontrer," He said to her. Dean sighed tightly when she called Cas Jimmy again, but didn't say anything because Cas stayed silent, and instead he settled for kissing Castiel's hand as they walked back to the table.

Castiel sighed and smiled as she gave them a moment to look over the menu. "Me and Jimmy, we used to pretend that we were the same person," Castiel explained. "To quite a lot of people Castiel didn't exist or was Jimmy's imaginary friend…I forgot about it until she mentioned him again." Castiel sighed, kissing Dean's hand before letting go and looking at the menu.

Dean smiled softly at Castiel for a moment before turning his gaze down to the menu. All of the food looked appetizing even if Dean did have a little trouble reading the menu. "That's what I would do if I had an identical twin," he admitted, "So, what would've happened when people saw you together? That must've been pretty shocking." He glanced up at Cas and touched their feet together under the table.

Castiel smiled, "That was part of the game, we would stand just so far apart that when we were at family reunions or parties when someone turned around they just thought Jimmy had moved too. There were so many brothers in our family it was easy for them to forget one." Castiel smiled, he did have fun with Jimmy before he was sectioned. Castiel put the menu down and announced happily. "I'm gonna have the crepes" Castiel hooked his foot around Dean's leg.

"You two must've freaked a lot of people out with that teleporting thing," Dean laughed. He grinned and went back to reading his menu. "Dude, I have no idea what to get," he groaned, "Everything sounds really good and I've never eaten food like this before. Tell me what I should order." He smiled helplessly and reread the menu. "You know, I'm kind of in the mood for soup," he said thoughtfully, "I don't know. What's your favorite?" He asked, stroking his foot up and down Castiel's other leg.

Castiel chuckled,leaning against the table. "How about frogs legs soup?" he teased with a chuckle. "Quite nice, too. Tastes like chicken." He smirked, taking Dean's hand and kissing the knuckles. "Nothing like living the French lifestyle," he chuckled teasingly. "No but seriously, she makes an amazing chicken and lentil soup," Castiel smiled, stroking Dean's hand with his thumb.

"Frog legs?" Dean repeated, making a face. "I don't think I can do that. But chicken and lentil sounds good," He located it on the menu and practiced how he was going to order in his mind so he wouldn't make an ass out of himself. "Okay, got it." He said, "Oh, it comes with fresh bread. Perfect." He folded his menu and set it down on the table and then squeezed Castiel's hand with an excited grin. "Cas, this is seriously the coolest thing I've ever done." He said, referring to the entire trip.

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, love. I'm grateful I could come back with you by my side." The woman came back and Castiel ordered himself crepes with ham and cheese and and a coke. Dean ordered and the woman nodded, going to make their food. "Is there anything you want to do whilst we're here? In France I mean." Castiel asked curiously.

After they ordered their food, Dean looked at Castiel thoughtfully. "Well, you mentioned shopping," he suggested, knowing that Castiel's clothes had all been destroyed in the fire, "And I'm pretty curious about the stores here. It'd be pretty awesome to actually look French when walking around Paris," he said with a grin. Then he blushed slightly at his next thought. "And, I think we should go somewhere for a romantic dinner," he said, "You know, like a fancy date," Dean smiled shyly.

Castiel blushed, it would be pretty cool to go back to school with pretty French clothes. "Sure," Castiel smiled. "Sounds great, can't wait to dress you up." Castiel bit his lip, leaning forward and grinning knowingly at Dean. I actually had a date in mind. Tonight. You up for it?" Castiel's cheeks blushed and he smiled shyly at Dean.

"Hell, yes." Dean agreed excitedly, leaning forward as well and grabbing Castiel's hand. "Cas, this is so exciting." He leaned over the table as far as he could and kissed Castiel softly, and soon the woman came back with their drinks. Dean sipped his water with lemon and continued smiling at Castiel, too happy to do anything else. "So, about this date..." he hinted knowingly, curious about what Castiel had already planned.

Castiel thanked the woman and sipped at his coke. "You really think I'm going to tell you everything and ruin the surprise," Castiel scoffed, laughing softly. "You're just going to have to be patient and wait and see,"Castiel smirked, twiddling with the straw in his drink. Their food shortly arrived and Castiel hummed at the smell. "Just like grandmother's home cooking," Castiel complimented in French. The woman chuckled, "I learned from the best. Enjoy." Castiel soon tucked in eating happily

(Sorry, the translation thing was being a dick so I just wrote it in english)

Dean stirred his soup and bent over it, allowing the delicious smelling steam to fill his nose and he sighed happily. He dipped a piece of bread in it and bit off the end, humming in pleasure at the flavor. "You're such a tease," Dean complained with a grin, "But I love you nonetheless." He put a spoonful of soup into his mouth and moaned softly. "This is amazing," he murmured.

Castiel smirked, "I love you too, kitten." Castiel ate his pancake, memories of his grand-mere flooding back and filling his chest with warmth. "I'm glad," Castiel smiled, loving the way his boyfriend moaned around the spoon, giving him ideas. "How can you make spoons sexy?" Castiel whimpered softly, pouting almost comically.

Dean almost choked on his second mouthful of soup when Cas told him the spoon was sexy. When he recovered from his surprise, he grinned flirtatiously, looking at Castiel through his lashes and took another seductive spoonful of soup, licking the spoon teasingly as he tried to keep a straight face. "I'm not trying," he said defensively, "This spoon is just naturally sexy." He held it up for Castiel's inspection.

Castiel chuckled, "Not the spoon you adorable idiot, you. You make it sexy." He leaned his hand over to stroke Dean's cheek. "When did it become my boyfriend's -not so- secret talent to make kitchen utensils appealing?" Castiel sighed softly, smirking to himself. He ate the rest of his food in silence, leaving some money on the table and once they were done bid the woman goodbye to which she called him Jimmy again and he sighed trying to smile as best as he could before leaving the restaurant. He squeezed Dean's hand, smiling sadly. "You said something about shopping?" Castiel asked, taking him in the direction of the nearest mall.

Dean blushed and smirked as Cas stroked his cheek. "I have many secret talents," he murmured suggestively, giving Castiel a hot look as he continued to eat his soup. When they were finished and out on the street again, Dean was pleasantly full and he kissed Castiel's cheek and then his lips, trying to bring some happiness into his sad smile after the restaurant lady called him Jimmy again. He slung his arm around Castiel's waist as they walked and headed towards the shopping center. "Yeah, I'm gonna make you try on one of those French maid costumes." He teased.

"You can get those back home, y'know." Castiel rolled his eyes, chuckling fondly as he leant into Dean. They got to the shopping centre and Castiel headed straight for the men's department in one of the designer stores. Castiel grinned excitedly, rummaging through the clothes and picking out an outfit for Dean. Acid fadeout jeans with grey fashion boots, a white graphic t-shirt and a dark grey fitted jacket to put over the top. "Go try this on," Castiel insisted, pushing him towards the changing rooms.

Dean took the clothes and studied them for a brief moment before stumbling into the changing room as Castiel pushed him towards them. Once he was in the stall, he stripped out of his own clothes and tried on the jeans, boots, shirt and jacket and looked at himself in the mirror, pleasantly surprised. He stepped out of the dressing room dramatically, straightening the collar of the jacket and lifting his chin as he struck a model pose outside the dressing room, grinning widely. "What do you think?" He asked.

Castiel eyed Dean up and down as he walked out the stall looking drop dead gorgeous. "It makes me want to take you right here on the show room floor," Castiel said with a serious expression on his face. He looked over his shoulder and spotted some hats and took a fedora off the shelf an placed it to the back of Dean's head, styling his hair to go with it and kissed his cheek. "Parfait," he murmured with an excited grin. Dean looked so hot and all Castiel wanted to do was shove him roughly against the dressing room wall and fuck him until they could no longer stand.

"Whoa. Easy, tiger!" Dean said, eyes widening in surprised amusement. "Don't come any closer or else I might do just that." He warned teasingly as Castiel placed a hat on his head and fixed his hair, but he grinned at him and placed his hands on Castiel's hips, keeping him right there. "So," he began in a low voice, "Do you think I should buy it?" He reached up to tip his hat back just enough so that it didn't bump against Castiel's forehead when he leaned in to lick at his lips.

Castiel shook his head, "I think I should. I said I'd buy you some clothes and I wanna get you something. You look amazing in this." Castiel grinned, kissing Dean properly. "I'm buying you this, it's decided. You can wear the jacket to our date tonight." Castiel kissed Dean again before shoving him back in the dressing room before he got to handsy.

"Okay, but that means I get to buy you something, too. I've already got some ideas." He laughed as Castiel shoved him back into the dressing room and closed the door. Dean looked at himself in the mirror again, feeling really good about himself. Dean didn't really know much about fashion but if Castiel liked it, then Dean was sold. He changed back into his own clothes and put the other ones in a shopping basket he found in the dressing room, and then walked back out into the store, dragging Castiel back to the clothing department and found some designer fashions. He pulled out a pair of dark grey jeans in Castiel's size, a pair of black lace up shoes, a dark blue sweater, tan fitted trench coat, and a white scarf, and he also grabbed a black and grey newsboy hat, and shoved the things into Castiel's arms and sent him to the dressing room with a grin.

Castiel blinked as Dean shoved a whole pile of clothes in his hand and he smirked, going into the dressing room to try on the clothes. He first came out in the dark grey jeans, with black lace up shoes, newboy hat and blue sweater, spinning for Dean and posing for him. He then came back out with his own shirt instead of the sweater, the trench coat and scarf. "Love, if you don't get me this coat I will. It's so comfy," he smiled, spinning to look in the mirror to check the fitting.

Dean's jaw dropped as Castiel came out of the room and showed him the first combination of clothes. "You are one sexy man," Dean commented, looking Castiel up and down in approval. When Castiel came out in the second outfit, Dean grinned widely at the trenchcoat and scarf combination. "I'm buying it," Dean decided, nodding quickly. He stepped up to Cas and adjusted the scarf a little bit so it wasn't too bunched up, and then trailed his hands over the lapels of the coat. "You look even more attractive than usual," Dean teased playfully, tipping the hat forward a little and smiling.

Castiel made a face, "You don't think I always look this good?" he pouted teasingly. He went back into the changing room and returned in his normal clothes. The coat, jeans, scarf and hat in his hands and he put them in the basket Dean was carrying. He kissed Dean briefly, running his hands a little over the other's cheek. "I love you," he murmured, taking his free hand and leading them to the checkout to pay for their things.

Dean rolled his eyes playfully and shooed Castiel back to the changing room to get dressed. When Castiel came out, Dean leaned into his kiss, smiling against Castiel's lips. "I love you too," He replied. No matter how often they used those words, they never lost their meaning and Dean smiled to himself as they walked to the checkout together

Castiel led Dean over to the checkout and they paid for their things. Castiel was looking forward to tonight and seeing Dean in at least some of his new clothes. He kissed Dean's cheek and led them out the store and looked around at all the different stores. "This is a lot bigger than I remember it," Castiel commented.

Dean looked around at the stores. "What, did more things get added since you were last here?" He asked, holding his bag happily. It hadn't been cheap, but Dean couldn't wait to wear his new clothes and he couldn't wait to see Castiel in his again, and he was really excited for the date.

Castiel nodded, "This used to be a smaller mall. They must have extended it or something." He led them through the mall, looking through all the different store windows as they passed. They spotted a jewellery store and Castiel smiled, dragging Dean over to the window and looking at the necklaces and chains. "It astounds me how people can afford these things," Castiel mused.

Dean whistled quietly under his breath as he eyed the jewelry. He nodded in agreement when he looked at the price tags, even though they were in euros Dean still understood that was a lot of money. He spotted a delicate chain with a small bright pendant on it, and pointed at it thoughtfully. "My mom used to have a necklace almost exactly like that," he commented quietly, images of his mother flashing through his mind. He sighed in nostalgia.

Castiel smiled sweetly, kissing Dean's cheek. He didn't know much about Dean's mom. It Dean too much. "I bet she looked beautiful," he whispered, wrapping an arm around Dean's waist and holding him close. Castiel's eyes fixed on one of the rings and he smiled in a knowing smile about the date he'd planned. "Come on, kitten. Let's go," he smiled, tugging at Dean's hand.

Dean smiled softly. "She was beautiful," he agreed, "I'll show you a picture of her sometime." Dean realized sadly that Castiel shared all the dark secrets of his past with him, but Dean hadn't even shown Castiel a picture of his mother. Despite how difficult and painful it would be to remember when she was alive and what had happened when she'd died, he wanted to tell Castiel. He wanted to tell him everything. "Where are we going?" He asked curiously, smiling at Castiel as he snapped himself back into reality.

Castiel shrugged, "I don't know." He looked around before heading back outside and into the afternoon sun. "I think we should get back, don't want to tire ourselves out in one day," Castiel suggested with a smile. "Save some energy for later," Castiel winked, squeezing Dean's hand. They got back on the bus and headed home. Castiel taking photos on his phone with his new hat on Dean's head as he kissed his cheek.

Dean nodded in agreement with a knowing smirk and sat beside Castiel on the bus. Cas was taking pictures of them on his phone and Dean giggled in amusement, getting out his own camera and taking some pictures as well. Once when Castiel turned to look out the window, Dean gazed at him for a moment and then took a picture of him when he wasn't looking. Castiel was really beautiful with the afternoon sun shining through the window behind him, illuminating his hair like a halo and casting shadows over his cheekbones and nose.

Castiel sighed, turning back to look at Dean with a bright smile. "Well, look at you ." He leant in close and whispered in Dean's ear. "Maybe if you're lucky I'll let you take some more..interesting shots," he teased suggestively. He kissed Dean quickly before returning to the sights.

Dean grinned at the idea Castiel suggested. "So..." he began suggestively, "Are you saying I'm going to get lucky tonight? Is that a promise?" He teased back in a low voice, moving closer and resting his hand on Castiel's thigh. "Because now I'm picturing you naked and we haven't fooled around since before the car accident. I'm getting a little desperate here, Cas." He kissed Castiel's neck and trailed his lips up to nip lightly at his jaw before backing away a little, aware that they were still on a bus with other people.

Castiel blushed, chuckling softly. Before Dean he hadn't been with anyone so he wasn't as sexually demanding as Dean was but he had to admit the last month or so had been a bit of a struggle. "I promise you, that you'll have the best night of your life," Castiel smiled, meaning in more way than one but he wouldn't let that secret out just yet. They got off the bus and headed back to the house.

Dean smiled and kissed Castiel's cheek as the bus stopped and they got off and walked back to the house, which was only a short distance away. Dean was surprisingly tired after the day of touring France, and he was looking forward to a little bit of relaxation before the date. "Looking forward to it," Dean murmured in Castiel's ear, slinging an arm around him as they walked.

Castiel grinned, giving the bags to Dean and kissing him deeply. "Why don't you go take a nap, take a shower. I'm gonna go help my mom with her speech for an hour or so. Her French is a little rusty and I want to help her out with some of the phrases." Castiel wasn't going to do this. He was going to go up into the attic and set everything up but he needed to distract Dean to do so and this seemed like something Dean wouldn't be interested in helping out with. He kissed Dean again before setting off in the other direction to what Dean thought was his mom's room.

Dean leaned into Castiel's chest slightly and smiled into the kiss. He took both of the bags and nodded in agreement. "Okay. Wake me up when you're done helping her." He took the bags and headed up to the room they'd slept in last night, and set them on the floor by the bed before walking into the bathroom for a shower. When he was done showering, he headed back into the room and slipped on some boxers and sweatpants and crawled under the soft covers that smelled like him and Cas, falling asleep quickly with a smile on his face.

Castiel practically ran up in to the attic and began clearing out all the boxes, pushing them to one side and making it look as clean as possible. He pulled out an old box of fairy lights and pinned them to the wall, decorating the room whilst making the lighting dim and romantic. He was going to use candles but after the house fire, he was a bit wary of things like that. He put down a ton of blankets, making the wooden floor comfy with pillows and throws. He went back downstairs and then back up with a bottle of champagne, strawberries and chocolate dip. The whole cliché thing..but Castiel didn't care, once it got dark the lights of the city with shine through the huge attic window and take Dean's breath away. He set up his iPod and set it up to play the playlist they had first danced to at prom. He stood up and admired his work, grinning happily. This was going to be the best night ever. He went back downstairs and showered before waking Dean up carefully. "Honey, wake up. Time for school," he quipped.

Dean grumbled and buried his face in the pillow when he started to wake up. "No," he growled, but then jolted awake when he realized he wasn't ten years old and being woken up for school. "Cas!" He exclaimed in realization, and rolled over onto his back to look up at him, the covers falling away from his bare arms and chest. There was some pretty significant scarring on Dean's body, mostly from the burns but also a few deep, jagged gashes, and he forgot to be self-conscious about them.

Castiel giggled, kissing at Dean's scarred chest. "Hey, kitten," he murmured, stroking his hair as he moved his lips up to kiss Dean. "Get changed, we gotta date to attend," Castiel being excited was an understatement. He couldn't stop from grinning as he went to his suitcase and looked for his smartest outfit, taking off the towel around his waist and putting on some dress pants, not bothering with boxers. If things went his way he wouldn't be needing them.

Dean propped himself up on his elbows and watched Cas curiously as he got dressed in a nice outfit, enjoying the view, and was amused to see that Cas didn't put on boxers, which made Dean assume that Castiel planned to get laid tonight. Dean was totally on board for that. He got out of bed and got dressed as well, following Castiel's example and wearing nice clothes. He slipped on the new jacket Castiel had bought him and also put on the hat. Once they were both dressed, Dean looked Castiel up and down appreciatively. "Mm, you look hot." He told him with a smile. "So, where are you taking me?"

Castiel blushed, turning his body to hide shyly from Dean. He wore dress pants and a dark navy shirt with the sleeves rolled up and his hair nicely gelled. He'd already put the ring box up in the attic out of sight in the pile of strawberries. Cheesy but Castiel couldn't give a shit. Nothing was going to ruin tonight. He took Dean's hand and wrapped a scarf around Dean's eyes. "Just trust me, kitten," Castiel murmured, kissing his cheek. He helped Dean carefully get up to the attic and kissed him deeply as he undid the scarf and revealed the fairy lit room. The heart of the city lit up beautifully behind them and the picnic like pad set up in front of them. Charlotte Church playing softly in the background.

Dean blinked in confusion when a scarf was wrapped around his eyes. "What the...?" He murmured as he was led blindly from the room and up a flight of stairs that he didn't know where in the house, and clinging to Castiel for balance. When they reached the top of the stairs, Dean was greeted by a faintly sweet scent and the sound of soft music, and he was about to ask another question but Castiel's lips met his and made him forget. Dean barely noticed that the scarf was getting pulled away, Castiel's mouth was so distracting, but when he opened his eyes curiously and looked around at the room, his jaw dropped in amazement. "Cas, did you do all of this?" He breathed, gazing out the window at the city and then meeting Castiel's eyes again as a smile grew on his face.

"Surprise," Castiel said in an awkward, uncertain voice. He didn't know if Dean like it or not and was way too nervous to keep himself together. "Do you like it?" he asked, taking Dean's hand and leading them to sit together amongst the pillows and look out across the 's leg pressed against Dean's and their hands entwined. His head resting on Dean's shoulder as he kissed his jaw. "I wanted to show you the city and I thought this might be a nice way of doing that," Castiel said with a soft sigh.

"Cas. This is perfect, I love it." He kissed Castiel deeply, unable to stop smiling. "I love you." They sat down on the cozy nest of pillows and blankets in the room in front of the window, gazing out over the city lights. It took Dean's breath away, and he leaned against Castiel and stroked the back of his hand with his thumb. "It's so beautiful," he murmured in awe, looking at the picturesque view. "Almost as beautiful as you," he added softly, turning Castiel's face towards him and staring into those blue eyes before he kissed him again, soft and sweet.

Castiel grinned, kissing Dean back when he kissed him. "I'm glad you like it. I wanted to share this part of my life with you. My childhood hometown, you know?" Castiel moved away a little and picked up two glasses and the bottle of champagne. He gave the glasses to Dean and popped the cork, pouring them both a glass. He put the bottle down and took one glass from Dean, clinking them softly together. "To us," Castiel announced with a cheery smile and took a sip of the champagne. Much better than the American stuff was Castiel's first thought.

"To us." Dean agreed, taking a sip of the champagne. It was very good, better than any of the stuff Dean had ever had, and he kind of leaned back on one elbow, staying close to Castiel as he smiled up at him and sipped his drink. "Thank you for sharing it with me," he said softly. It was a part of Castiel that not many people back in America knew about, and Dean was glad Castiel wanted to share it with him. And this was a really awesome way of doing it.

Castiel hummed, swirling the contents of his glass absently. "That's okay. It's just..what happened with Jimmy. The way you met him..I wanted to show you it wasn't always bad. We weren't always suffering. We had fun here. We used to sit up here..for hours. Watch the world go by, play cards, make paper aeroplane and watch as they fly across the city." Castiel smiled happily, leaning closer in towards Dean and kissed his passionately. P!nk played softly in the background and Castiel smiled, "You want some strawberries?" Castiel said, gesturing to the small pile next to the bottle of champagne.

Dean smiled thoughtfully as he imagined a younger Castiel and Jimmy playing together and having fun, before Jimmy's hospitalization. Dean wondered what had finally caused him to break, but he didn't ask. He grinned when a P!nk song came on Castiel's iPod, and he kissed Castiel back just as passionately, threading fingers through his still-damp hair and humming in contentment. He looked at the strawberries and smiled. Castiel was such a romantic. "Sure," he said, "But I wanna kiss you again first." He leaned in and captured Castiel's lips in his again.

Castiel chuckled kissing Dean sweetly before setting their glasses aside and bringing the strawberries between them and taking one and fed Dean. Something he'd never done before but he'd heard it was supposed to be romantic and sensual. He bit his lip nervously, the ring box underneath the strawberries and he hoped it wasn't too cheesy and everything went right.

Dean smiled in excitement and bit into the strawberry that Castiel presented to his lips. The sweet juicy fruit burst in his mouth and he chewed it slowly, gazing into Castiel's eyes. "Mmm," he murmured, "My turn." He picked up another strawberry from the pile and held it in front of Castiel's mouth, and he stroked his lips with it slowly before allowing Cas to eat it.

Castiel chuckled licking his lips and wrapping his mouth around the strawberry, sucking slightly before eating it. All the while gazing into Dean's eyes. He took another strawberry, the box beginning to show but didn't say anything and fed Dean again, letting him bite only the first part and eating the second bit himself, sucking on his fingers slowly as he did so.

Dean's breath hitched slightly as he watched Castiel eat the strawberry in the most sexual manner Dean had ever seen anyone eat before, and Dean reached for another strawberry, but his fingers hit against something that was definitely not a strawberry, and he looked at it in confusion, his heart stopping when he realized what it was. A ring box, hidden underneath the strawberries. Dean turned to Cas with wide eyes, barely breathing. "Cas?" He managed to choke out, feeling a swell of emotion rising in his chest.

Castiel smiled sweetly, wordlessly removing the box from the pile and holding it in his hands like it was a precious baby bird. "Dean, you came into my life because of something stupid...but you were persistent and deep down inside, good of heart. You saw something inside of me that no one else did. And because of it, I became a better person, learned to love and trust again. And I in tow, saw something in you that I knew to be true, something beautiful and raw that I'm not even sure you yourself knew was there. We're good for each other Dean. We help each other grow as people and...well, I don't think I can envision a future without you by my side." Castiel bit his lip, opening the box carefully to reveal a plain silver ring. He finally looked up at Dean, a soft warmth in his eyes. "Dean Winchester, will you continue to make me the happiest man alive and become my husband?"

Castiel's words were melting Dean's heart, and he felt hot all over. This was really happening. Castiel had just officially proposed to him. "Yes," Dean choked out, his voice cracking with emotion, "Yes, yes." He looked at the bright silver ring, simple yet sturdy, solid and real and permanent. Dean wanted nothing more than to spend his life with Castiel, this was more than he could ever hope to ask for. "Cas, I love you so much and I want to marry you." Everything Castiel had said was true, they were good for each other. Dean's heart was pounding loud in his ears, and his breathing was shaky, and to his surprise he was crying tears of happiness. He tried to compose himself a little bit because he was acting like a twelve year old girl, but he'd never been this happy in his life. "Oh my God, we're gonna get married," he breathed in amazed excitement. "Cas, we're getting married!"

Castiel let out a shaky breath, relieved. He knew Dean would most likely say yes, but having him say it aloud himself just made it real. He looked over at Dean who was crying and he found his own cheeks wet with tears, He let out a trembling laugh as he took Dean's hand and carefully placed the ring on Dean's finger. "We sure are, my love," Castiel smiled, leaning in to kiss Dean tenderly, passionate and slow. His hand wrapping around the back of Dean's neck and holding him close.

Dean's hand trembled slightly as Castiel slid the ring on, and now it was official. Dean leaned into the kiss and moaned in a broken voice, desperate and needy as he tangled both hands in Castiel's hair and, while still being gentle and loving. He slid one hand down to the side of Castiel's neck, thumb brushing against his jaw as he kissed him like his life depended on it. One day, they'd be married and Dean could have this forever.

Castiel moaned softly, moving into Dean's touched. Desire and need so overwhelming, he found himself rolling them to sit between Dean's legs, grasping at the other's hair as he tilted his head to get a better angle as he kissed him deeply. "I love you so much," he breathed, stroking his hand over Dean's cheek as he looked down at him lovingly.

Dean gasped and shuddered in need as Castiel settled between his legs and grabbed his hair, and he moaned breathlessly as Cas tipped his head back and kissed him possessively, and Dean couldn't get his hands where he wanted them. He growled in frustration and began loosening the buttons of Castiel's shirt clumsily. "Cas, I need you," he whined.

Castiel moaned at Dean's desperate attempts, he helped rid of his shirt and started on Dean's. He traced Dean's scars carefully and brushing his lips over the skin, mouthed at his chest. His hand wandered down to grab Dean' thigh, pushing Dean's leg upward a bit to angle his hips better to grind against him almost teasingly.

"Fuck, Cas," Dean moaned breathlessly, watching as Castiel kissed his scars, the careful intimacy causing him to shiver and clutch at Castiel's arms, and he gasped breathlessly when Castiel gripped his leg and rolled his hips deliberately against Dean's, and Dean's hands wandered down to pull at Castiel's pants desperately, fumbling with the zipper. "Cas, I love you so fucking much," he gasped.

Castiel groaned, dipping his head to catch Dean's lips. "I love you too," he moaned softly, helping Dean with his zipper and pulling his pants down and ridding of them quickly before working on Dean's. Once they were both naked, Castiel shifted them so Dean laid down amongst the pillows as he kissed him softly, hand rubbing down his side. He worked his way down his chest, kissing the scars and murmuring lovingly, "So beautiful." He pushed Dean's leg, gently spreading him further so he could suck at the soft skin of the other man's inner thigh.

"Oh, God..." Dean groaned, throwing his head back and closing his eyes in ecstasy. "Cas," Dean was settled down in the pillows and placed his hands on the back of Castiel's shoulders, loving the way his muscles moved smoothly under the hot skin, and he dug his fingers in slightly as Castiel kissed his scars. "Cas." He muttered, unable to say anything besides Castiel's name over and over again. He was so overwhelmed by everything, and he couldn't believe this was really happening. Dean willingly spread his legs apart for Castiel, and writhed in pleasure when Castiel's mouth found the sensitive skin on the inside of his thigh.

Castiel trailed his lips across Dean's thigh and back up his chest, neck and jaw until he reached his lips again. He kissed him deeply, holding his face carefully in his hands. "You are so beautiful," Castiel sighed happily. He ran his hand back down Dean's chest and stomach to rest against his crotch and palm him gently, teasing him almost with light touches. "Dean, I need you," he breathed, kissing the other's neck, marking the skin. Castiel could feel the cool metal of the ring press against his skin. It felt like a reassuring weight when Dean pressed his hand to his shoulder and Castiel couldn't stop smiling.

Dean's breath hitched and he let out a loud moan when Castiel touched him, and his hips bucked up into Castiel's hand. The heat was consuming him, and he was aching and throbbing with need. "Cas," he breathed, "I want, I need..." He was cut off by Castiel's hand moving against his body and he shuddered and tried to breathe, head tipping back and every muscle tense and trembling, mouth falling open in lust. "I want to be inside you," Dean asked hesitantly, looking up at Castiel with a question in his eyes. "I want to make love to you."

Castiel breathed heavily, moving his hand against Dean and abruptly stopped when Dean spoke. His whole body tensed a little. Saying he was nervous was an understatement. Castiel had given Dean everything, shown him his world and let him in. This was all he had left and he was nervous and excited to share it with Dean. He felt it would make him completely exposed and nothing would be his, it'd be theirs and that was both terrifying and exciting. Castiel pulled away to sit up and take a moment. "Yes, I-I want you," he said with a breathy smile.

Dean looked up at Castiel for a long moment, going still as he recognized the tension in Castiel's body and his guarded expression, and Dean leaned up to kiss him gently. He continued kissing Castiel even as he slowly turned them over so Dean was on top, lying between Castiel's legs and rolling his hips slowly. He kissed Castiel again, sucking lightly on his lower lip, and backed away to give attention elsewhere when Cas tried to kiss him back, keeping his touches light and teasing as he worked his way down Castiel's body.

Castiel relaxed as Dean kissed him slowly. He felt the soft fabric of the pillows rub against his back as Dean switched positions. Castiel was still really nervous but the way Dean worshipped his body with his lips made him sigh happily and melt in his arms. His hands rested in Dean's hair, tugging at it lightly before caressing it. "Dean," he breathed, spreading his legs a little and settling comfortably amongst the pillows. "M-Make love to me," he whispered, biting his lip anxiously.

Dean ran his hands down Castiel's thighs and kissed him again, nosing at his jaw until Castiel's head tipped back enough for Dean to suck at his neck and bite the skin there lightly. He could feel his boyfriend relaxing under him but he still seemed nervous, which was completely understandable. "Cas," he murmured against his skin, sliding his tongue over Castiel's adam's apple and dragging his teeth along his collarbone. "If you feel uncomfortable, tell me to stop." He placed his mouth over a hardened nipple and sucked, then allowed his tongue to dart out to swirl around it in a circle. The last thing he wanted was for Castiel to be scared, and Dean didn't want to force him into anything. He would only do it if Cas was ready.

Castiel gasped as Dean sucked at his adam's apple, fingers digging in slightly and Dean's shoulders. "Okay," he agreed with a nod. He was grateful to have someone as understanding as Dean. He wouldn't force him and he would stop as soon as Castiel said so. He could trust him and that made Castiel relax a lot more. He moaned and let his head tip back when Dean sucked at his nipple. Sensations filling him that he was struggling to register. It was too much and yet not enough. He spread his legs further subconsciously and rolling his hips up to try and meet Dean's.

Dean smiled breathlessly when he felt comfortable that they were on the same page here, and he put all his effort into making this good for Cas. He payed special attention to all those spots that made Castiel go crazy. He grabbed Castiel's hair, tangling the fingers of one hand into it, while his mouth worked at Castiel's neck and the fingertips of his other hand dragged across Castiel's ribs and side until his thumb rested in the indent low on Castiel's hip, and then Dean wrapped his fingers around Cas and stroked him slowly while still grinding down against him. They were both very aroused now.

Castiel moaned helplessly, closing his eyes and grabbing at Dean where he could. Dean worshipping his body was overwhelming at felt amazing. He never wanted it to end. He groaned when Dean finally touch him and bucked his hips into Dean's hand, desperate for his touch. "Dean," he breathed, panting harshly. "The box.." He gestured behind Dean to where there was a small box which contained condoms and lube. Not that Castiel wanted this, well he did but he just put them there just in case and he was so glad he did. He didn't fancy moving back to the bedroom any time soon.

Dean glanced over his shoulder in the direction Cas was pointing and crawled over to clumsily grab the box. He opened it and chuckled at what was inside. "Wow, someone's been hoping for this," he teased lightly, opening the bottle of lube and slicking some onto his fingers, waiting for it to warm up before he touched Cas. He lowered himself down on Castiel ground his hips down against Cas, body shuddering at the amazing friction between them. He tentatively touched Castiel's opening and circled his finger around, feeling the muscles tense in response to his touch. He slowed down a little to let Castiel get used to the feeling, and distracted him with deep kisses and his other hand stroking Castiel rhythmically.

Castiel groaned, shivering in anticipation as Dean ground against him. His body relaxed and warm and ready for Dean to do as he pleased. All that changed when Dean circled his entrance. He tensed, unable to help himself but Dean's lips where on his and he did his best to get lost in the other and try to calm himself down. He knew it would hurt otherwise. He grasped as Dean's hair, keeping him close and kissing him deeply. He soon adjusted to the feeling of Dean's finger and shifted his hips to get Dean to go a little further and press inside of him.

Dean sucked on Castiel's tongue as he tentatively pressed his fingertip into Castiel, stopping and staying still when Cas tensed around his finger. He moaned breathlessly at the tightness, and when Castiel relaxed again Dean slowly moved just a little deeper, circling his finger around to try to loosen Cas up a little bit, while still kissing him passionately and groaning in need when Castiel gripped his hair. Dean wanted this to be good for Cas, and he was very good at reading Castiel's body language by now so he knew exactly what to do. If Castiel pressed against him, Dean responded and gave him the attention he needed, and if he tensed or shied away Dean slowed down. He wanted Castiel to be in control, wanted him to feel safe and comfortable.

Castiel hissed, closing his eyes and tightening his grip on Dean's hair. He tried to breath through the pain. He remembered Dean being uncomfortable at first but then it led to something much better and Castiel wanted to get there. To feel Dean inside of him. He kissed Dean passionately, sucking on his lower lip and concentrating on something comfortable and warm. His body relaxing a little and he pressing his hips up against Dean's finger and groaning at the sensation. He bit his lip, trying to stay relaxed and moving his hips against Dean.

Dean winced apologetically as Castiel hissed, and Dean pulled back just enough to look at Castiel and study his face. He looked uncomfortable, and Dean felt bad, keeping his hand still as he pressed light kisses all over Castiel's face. "I'm sorry, baby," he murmured breathlessly, "I wish it didn't hurt." He kissed Castiel deeply and ran his free hand through Castiel's hair. "It'll get better once we get past this part, I promise." Dean didn't want to hurt Cas, but they'd already started and Dean wanted to show his boyfriend just how amazing it felt once they were joined. He kissed Castiel again and tentatively added another finger, watching Castiel's face so he would know when it was too much and when he should stop.

Castiel nodded, kissing Dean desperately. He groaned as Dean added another finger, back arching and fingers digging into Dean's shoulders. It took a while but he soon adjusted to the feeling a started to moan softly, spreading his legs further. "Dean.." He closed his eyes and moaned loudly when Dean hit just the right spot inside him. The sensation too much and not enough. He wanted Dean to be closer, his hips bucking upward to emphasise this point. He trailed a hand down to Dean's nipple and pinched it lightly as he sucked at his neck, marking his fiancée.

Damn, Cas was flexible. Dean moaned deep in his throat as Castiel writhed desperately under him, bucking his hips against Dean's fingers, and Dean scissored his two fingers slightly to make sure Castiel was loose enough. "Okay, I think we're ready," Dean muttered breathlessly, reaching for a condom and ripping the packet open with his teeth. He rolled it on and then got some more lube and rubbed it onto himself with trembling hands. He lined himself up at Castiel's hole and met his eyes. Castiel's eyes were wide and bright, and Dean leaned down to kiss him before slowly, carefully pushing into him.

Castiel waited in anticipation as Dean prepared himself. He looked up at him with big trusting eyes, stroking the sides of Dean's arms gently. He growled lowly in the back of his throat as Dean pushed into him. It hurt like hell and Castiel squeezed his eyes shut as he waited for the pain to turn into a dull ache before pushing against Dean again, gesturing for him to go deeper. He wrapped his legs around Dean and kept him as close as possible as he moaned softly, rolling his hips against Dean's. "..deeper," he panted, kissing Dean's neck and collarbone frantically.

Castiel felt fucking amazing around Dean, unbelievably hot and tight, but Dean forced himself to remain still and be careful, because if he didn't control himself he'd hurt Cas and that was the last thing he wanted. He only got a a little bit in when he stopped to allow Castiel to get used to it, and he kissed Castiel's face gently, "I'm sorry," he breathed apologetically, seeing the pain in Castiel's face. "Fuck, you're tight. Just tell me when-" he was cut off by the feeling of Castiel wrapping his legs around his waist and pulling him closer, causing Dean to move into Castiel deeper. Dean gasped, tipping his forehead down against Castiel's shoulder and licked at the sweat on his skin, the only sounds in the room their labored breathing and Dean's heart pounding in his ears. His arms and thighs trembling with the effort of staying still, but he refused to move until Cas was okay.

Castiel groaned, tightening his grip on Dean and making him come as close as possible. It still felt weird to have something inside him but they way Dean brushed against him inside made him forget everything and he tipped his head back to expose his neck. He'd never felt more complete in his life and he needed more. "Move," he demanded breathlessly, squeezing his thighs against Dean's sides and let a low moan escape his throat. He reached up to kiss Dean's nose and cheekbones where he could. His own cheeks feeling like they were on fire, his skin red and slick with sweat.

"Fuck," Dean muttered under his breath, "Okay, I've got you, Cas." Dean pulled out and then slid back in, rolling his hips and adjusting the angle enough so that he could hit Castiel's prostate each time. It felt amazing, better than anything Dean had ever felt, and he wanted Cas to enjoy it too. Castiel's legs were strong around his sides and Dean lowered his body down onto Castiel's, their sweaty chests sliding together deliciously, and he moaned at the intense feeling of pleasure vibrating through him. Dean kept the pace slow and steady.

Castiel moaned, struggling to breath with each pant. "So..so good," Castiel said, swallowing a big gulp of air. He rolled his hips back up and met Dean's thrusts, groaning helplessly in pleasure. His arms wrapping tightly around Dean, hooking under the other's arms and clutching at his shoulderblades. His pressed his nose to his neck and sucked at the skin, moaning with each thrust and desperate for Dean to go faster and stop with the agonizingly slow, torturous pace. "Fuck me," he growled, moving his hips with a harsher ryhthm. "Fuck me like a dirty little whore," he breathed in a low voice in Dean's ear.

Dean grinned in excited disbelief at Castiel's words, shuddering in need. He pulled out and slammed back into Castiel, harder and deeper than before, letting himself go and not holding back anymore. Castiel wanted this and Dean was going to give it to him. He panted, sweat in his eyes and in his hair, and he reached between their bodies to grasp Castiel and stroked him in time with his thrusts, Castiel's legs and arms tight around him. Everything was Castiel and it was overwhelming; his scent surrounding Dean, his body wrapped tightly around Dean's, his hair against Dean's neck, his breath hot and damp on Dean's skin. "You like that, baby?" Dean growled, wiggling his hips in a completely dirty way as he pushed into Castiel again. The sounds Castiel kept making were fucking amazing, and Dean was intoxicated.

Castiel moaned loudly as Dean slammed into him , treating him roughly and Castiel was eating it up. He loved feeling Dean inside of him, breathing the same air and making sounds that made Castiel light-headed. His breathing was laboured and heavy as he pressed his sweaty chest up against Dean's, the warm solid feeling of him against him reassuring and just perfect. "Yes," he moaned. "Yes, right there." He bucked his hips into Dean's hand, almost at the edge. "Harder," he moaned, meeting Dean's thrusts. "Fuck me harder," he pleaded, looking up at Dean through bright eyes. He bit back another moan as he forced himself to calm down a little and make this last longer.

Dean had to close his eyes for a moment and think about something else, he was so close to the edge and he didn't want it to be over yet. He slowed down a little, against Castiel's demands, and kept the pace slow as he gradually worked up to harder thrusts, and then he began fucking Castiel like he was going for a world record, causing both of them to moan loudly. Dean was so close he could hardly control his movements anymore, but he tried to keep himself steady as he fucked Castiel hard and rough like he wanted. He pushed himself up a little so he could watch Castiel. "Fuck, you're so beautiful like this," he panted, taking in the sight of Castiel's sweaty hair, flushed cheeks, parted, swollen lips and bright, dark eyes. Dean was almost there. He laced his fingers with Castiel's and kissed him deeply on the mouth, crying out against his lips as he came. "Cas!" He moaned loudly, his voice hoarse and his entire body trembling through the aftershocks as he rode out his orgasm.

Castiel whimpered when Dean slowed down but it led to one of the most intense build-ups to an orgasm Castiel had ever experienced. He let his head fall back as he moaned and writhed beneath Dean, hair drooping and sticking to his sweaty forehead. Their hands laced together and Castiel watched as Dean came apart. His eyes dark and full of arousal, lips parted and brushing against Castiel's. His freckles glistening as the light caught the sweat against his cheeks. Just the sight of Dean sent him over the edge and moaning almost breathlessly as Dean continued to thrust into him. He let out a shaky breath as he felt another wave of his orgasm hit him hard. "Dean," he moaned, resting his head back against the pillows, spent and exhausted.

Dean pulled out of Castiel, rolled off the condom and tied it off before tossing it aside, and only when that was done did he allow himself to collapse onto Castiel, not caring about the mess between them. He was hot and shaky, covered in sweat and exhausted, his muscles aching pleasantly as he tried to get some air into his lungs. His head rested on Castiel's chest and he could hear Castiel's heart beating erratically in his chest, feel his shaky breathing, and he brought one of his hands up to rest on Castiel's chest and play with the guitar pick absently, the ring clicking against plastic and he smiled. They were getting married. Castiel was his fiance. He propped himself up on one elbow and leaned down to kiss Castiel's lips softly, stroking his sweaty hair out of his face. "Are you okay?" He asked gently, hoping he hadn't been too rough with him.

Castiel nodded weakly, still out of breath and the room fading around him. Just him and Dean against the world outside. "That..was long overdue," he said before chuckling lightly. He reached for Dean's hand and laced their fingers together. The ring cool against the heat of their skin and he smiled sleepily. "Fiancé," he mused with a smirk. "Has a nice ring to it." Not as good as husband but they'd get there. He moved them carefully so Dean laid down next to Castiel, their limbs tangled in one another's and basking in the afterglow. Castiel felt safe and warm and never wanted to move from Dean's arms. He pulled one of the blankets over them and snuggled into the warmth, closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.

Dean smiled tiredly and pressed a lazy kiss against Castiel's shoulder as he closed his eyes and relaxed around Castiel, their fingers linked together loosely. Dean wrapped himself around Castiel and snuggled close to him, feeling like he was in a nest. The air was cool in the attic, but the blankets and Castiel's skin were warm and Dean soaked it up as the sweat cooled on his skin. Dean could barely keep his eyes open, too exhausted and pleasantly tired. That was the most amazing thing he'd ever done, and he fell asleep almost immediately with a content sigh.


	30. Chapter 30

Castiel awoke to Dean's arm in his face and Dean's face slumped against his shoulder. His hot breath tickling his skin. Through the window the city was beaming with life as people went to work. Castiel moaned in contentment, leaning into Dean and smiling excitedly. "Morning, love," he murmured sleepily.

Dean woke up slowly with a lazy grin, turning his face into Castiel's neck and kissing at the warm skin there. "Hey, babe." He mumbled happily, moving his arm out of Castiel's face to wrap around his waist instead as he pressed closer and held him, curled up together in the next of blankets and pillows. The air was cooler and Dean stretched slightly, his toes wiggling in the cool air before he curled back up. "Sleep well?"

Castiel smiled sleepily. "Amazing," he murmured. He moved his hips experimentally, wincing a little at the dull ache that occurred. "Doesn't hurt as much as I'd thought it would," Castiel mused. He sighed tiredly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What do you want to do today?" Castiel asked, tilting his head back to look at Dean through his lashes.

Dean gave Castiel an apologetic look. "Sorry," he said, "I guess it hurts the first time, next time you can fuck me. We'll take turns." Dean grinned wickedly and nipped at Castiel's jaw. They were both covered in dried sweat and come and desperately needed to shower, but Dean was too lazy to get up. "Mmm, I don't know..." he yawned, relaxing against Castiel. "Kinda just wanna lay here for a little while," he murmured.

Castiel hummed, his cock twitching just at the thought. "I'll take your word for it," Castiel grinned, tilting his head to kiss Dean's cheek. He chuckled at Dean's thoughts, the whole of France awaited them and all Dean wanted to do was be with him. The thought making his chest feel warm. "I love you," he said softly. "I think we should go Disney world today, it's still early. We could get the train out, what do you think?" Castiel said, trying to keep a straight face as he said, quite possibly the most bizzare sentence of his life.

Dean smiled warmly and snuggled his face into Castiel's chest, tongue darting out to lightly taste his skin. He looked up in surprise at Castiel's suggestion. "There's a Disney World here? I thought that was just an American thing." He studied Castiel's face questioningly, feeling a little out of his element. He knew almost nothing about countries outside of America, never having traveled out of the country before, so he was learning a lot.

"Disneyland Paris," Castiel nodded. "It's not as big, I don't think but they still have log flume rides and stuff." Castiel had never been but it'd been something Jimmy had talked about when they had their talks in the attic. "We don't have to go, I just thought it might be something you'd wanna do," Castiel shrugged. "It's up to you, love. It's your first trip here." And hopefully the first of many, Castiel thought. He wanted to see the world with Dean.

"That sounds like fun," Dean said thoughtfully, closing his eyes and smiling. "I've never been to Disney before... actually, it's been ages since I've been to any kind of amusement park." He kissed Castiel's collarbone and his shoulder softly, "When should we go?" He asked against Castiel's skin.

Castiel shrugged softly, "I don't mind. Whenever you want, love." Castiel groaned, stretching his limbs and moving to turn over to face Dean. He looked up into his bright green eyes and smiled. "Hey," he smiled softly, reaching a hand up to stroke Dean's cheek. "You wanna take a shower?" he asked with a twinkle in his eye. "I'm pretty sure there's room for two."

Dean smirked at Castiel's suggestion. "Hell yeah, I do. We can get clean and dirty and then clean again." He kissed Castiel's chin and untangled himself from his fiance, and he smiled to himself when he thought of Cas as his fiance. It was crazy. They were actually engaged. He stood up slowly, stretching his arms to the ceiling and not even bothering to cover his body, and arched his back.

Castiel watched with interest as Dean stretched, exposing his body. He was so beautiful and such a fucking tease. Castiel stretched out on the floor, blankets ridding low against his hips, exposing his tanned skin. Castiel tipped his hips to the side, lying on his back and his arms above his head. "I owe you some photos, Mr Winchester," Castiel said with a teasing smirk.

Dean grinned and eyed Castiel's lithe body eagerly, his cock twitching in interest. "Yeah, you do." Dean replied in a low voice. "If you'll let me." He found his camera in the pocket of the pants he'd been wearing earlier and turned it on, crawling back to Castiel. "You sure you're comfortable with this?" He asked, "I'm not gonna, like put provocative pictures of you on the internet. Unless you want me to." He grinned.

"For your eyes only, love," Castiel murmured, posing as visually interesting as he could for Dean. His lips parted slightly and looking lovingly up at Dean. "Just remember I know how to inflict pain, Dean. I'm trusting you with this," he said carefully. He wanted to please his fiancé but it didn't mean he was 100% comfortable with it. He posed again, smiling brightly up at Dean. "I love you," he murmured, moving his arms to pose again.

"Believe me, Cas, I know." Dean murmured, "For my eyes only, I promise." Dean smiled at him reassuringly and slowly raised the camera. Castiel was so beautiful, and Dean had to take several pictures from different angles to get the best shot. Dean felt a little weird doing this, but Castiel wasn't actually stopping him, so Dean kept going. "Let me know if you wanna stop," he said, "I'll let you take some of me if you want," he offered, trying to make it fair. He smiled. "God, you're so gorgeous."

Castiel smiled, reaching up to take the camera and dragged Dean back down into the pillows. He straddled his waist and held the camera above him, taking a photo of his bright eyes and warm smile. "So beautiful," Castiel hummed in approval. "You should be a model. You'd get free clothes and everyone would want you but only I can." Castiel smiled smugly, kissing Dean before taking another photo, this time with both of them together, smiling up at the camera.

Dean smiled warmly, his chest tingling with emotion. "Cas, you're the one who should be a model." He argued happily, pressing the palm of his hand against Castiel's cheek and turning his head to kiss him as the camera went off, and Dean ran his hands down Castiel's sides and rested on his hips, starting to feel arousal building. Castiel was naked on top of him, and Dean couldn't be blamed for getting turned on by that. He blushed slightly when Cas took a picture of him, laughing into the pillow.

Castiel took another picture of Dean as he laughed, head tilted slightly towards the pillow. It was natural and happy and one for Castiel's wallet he thought with a grin. He pressed a kiss to Dean's nose and took a photo of Dean close up. Showing off his freckles cheeks and long lashes with green eyes that sparkled. "You once told me to call you handsome, not pretty. You remember that? You said being pretty was for girls and you blushed and I don't care what you say, you are the prettiest guy I've ever met," Castiel murmured, moving to sit by Dean's side and handing him back his camera.

Dean blushed as he looked up at Castiel with wide eyes, ignoring the camera and just staring at Castiel with overwhelming love. He huffed a shy laugh and hid his face in the pillow, biting his lip and glancing up at Cas through the corner of his eye. "C'mere," he murmured, pulling Castiel down to lay with him again, side by side so they were looking at each other, and Dean sighed happily. "You're the first guy I ever found attractive," Dean said thoughtfully, "Before I met you I didn't even notice stuff, and I still don't. It's only you, Cas." He kissed him softly, "I think I fell in love with your eyes first."

Castiel smiled warmly at that. Dean had been Castiel's first everything. Dean had had girlfriends in the past and just having this one thing that made him his first made Castiel very happy. He'd be the first and hopefully the last guy Dean would ever be with. He kissed Dean back and batted his eyelashes. "What, these old things?" he teased. He kissed Dean again, "I can't remember what I fell in love with first. It's been so long." Castiel blushed, he'd been crushing on Dean since before they even met. He couldn't remember what drew him to Dean. It was just everything about him really.

Dean rolled his eyes and blushed even harder, poking Cas playfully in the stomach. "The most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen," he told him truthfully, "Seriously. They're, like... I can't even describe the color of your eyes." He grinned and squinted thoughtfully at Castiel's eyes. He smiled in adoration when Castiel said the next part, and he pulled him closer, stroking a hand up and down Castiel's bare back. "Aw, Cas." he cooed playfully, although he really didn't know how to express the soft warmth of love in his chest. "You're so sweet." He murmured, more serious this time, and kissed him again, soft and lingering, and then pressed soft quick little kisses over Castiel's entire face.

Castiel blushed and giggled as Dean kissed him all over. He rubbed their noses together and smiled ridiculously. "I think we should go shower," Castiel said, standing up and dragging Dean with him. They went back downstairs, his mom long gone. He led them into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Waiting for the water to heat up before stepping in underneath and running his hand through his hair to wet it.

Dean followed Castiel into the shower and stood in front of him under the stream of water, their heads bent close together as the hot water beat down on their shoulders and heads. Dean rubbed his hand through his hair and got it wet so it hung down off his forehead. His hair was still kind of uneven from when it had been shaved off in the accident, but it was starting to grow back and the skin around the scar was still a little sensitive.

Castiel took Dean's head gently in his hands and kissed his head, over the scar gently. Taking some shampoo he massaged the lotion into the other's scalp before washing it off careful not to get any in Dean's eyes. He kissed his shoulder tenderly and held him close as he ran his hands over his body, washing him as he did so.

Dean hummed softly as Castiel rubbed the shampoo into his scalp with gentle fingers, being careful of the scar and kissing it gently. Dean loved this, showering with Castiel, and they definitely needed to do it more. Right now, it was soft and sweet and gentle, Castiel's hands smooth as they rubbed over his skin, and Dean smiled into Castiel's neck and returned the favor, pressing against his body and running soap-slick hands over his skin.

Castiel hummed, leaning into Dean's touch gratefully. It was soft and gentle and just what he needed after last night. He felt warm and glowing and relished the feel of being in Dean's arms as he washed his sweaty skin. He started singing softly, mostly to himself but as he grew bolder and sang a little louder his words were more directed at Dean. Like Dean had sung to him in the cabin he sang their song by P!nk as he ran his fingers delicately over Dean's scars as he rinsed the soap of his skin.

Dean watched Castiel's fingers trail over the vicious scars on his body and had to close his eyes for a moment, the tender intimacy taking his breath away. Castiel was singing to him, his voice echoing loudly in the shower as steam rose around them and they gently and lovingly caressed each other's bodies, washing away the sweat from last night. Dean traced the muscles of Castiel's arms, loving the feel of the smooth skin and hard muscles underneath, and then ran his hands down Castiel's sides to massage his hips gently.

Castiel continued to sing, a warm smile etched into his face. He kept his eyes on Dean the whole time, watching if he shied away or anything. They hadn't done anything intimate like this since the accident. In the hospital, Dean was too weak to make a fuss over his appearance, plus he was in the hospital, it was understandable. But since he got out Castiel had seen him look a little more timid than he used to, especially about the scar in his hair. With Castiel's help he was getting better but it would take time. As Dean's hands ran over his body he barely noticed his own scars anymore. The one on his cheek, his side, the ten markings down his arm. They were a part of him now and Dean still loved him so nothing else matter. He kissed Dean's shoulder, leaning his head against it for a moment as he embraced the other, relishing in everything he'd done and would do for him. He stopped singing and turned off the water, grabbing a towel as he stepped out the shower and began drying Dean, pressing kisses to the skin that he dried.

Dean sighed softly and let Castiel dry him off, and he grabbed another towel and wrapped it around Castiel's shoulders, rubbing his back with the palms of his hands as he dried the water off Castiel's skin. His eyes fluttered closed when Castiel pressed his lips softly against his clean skin, and he smiled, humming in contentment. Once they were both dried off, Dean wrapped the towel around his waist and they left the bathroom, heading to the room they'd slept in on their first night in France to get dressed.

Castiel sighed happily as Dean dried him, taking the towel and wrapping it around his waist as he followed Dean into their bedroom. He looked through his suitcase and pulled out a fresh pair of boxers, a pair of dark jeans and a black t-shirt. He put them on quickly before rummaging through Dean's clothes and pulling out one of his favourite hoodie and putting it on with a smirk and a hum in contentment. "So comfy," he grinned, wrapping his arms around himself.

Dean turned around to face Cas as he zipped up his jeans, and his heart fluttered happily when he saw Cas. "Is this mine?" He asked with a smile, walking up to Cas and tugging the hoodie strings playfully. He hugged Castiel close to himself, loving the feel of the cozy sweatshirt wrapped around Cas in his arms, and the idea of Castiel wearing his clothes made him ridiculously happy. "Looks good on you," he told him, noticing the way the dark nazy blue of the hoodie brought out Castiel's eyes and made his hair look even darker.

Castiel blushed, looking over happily at Dean and kissing his nose. "Looks better off," he quipped with a wink. Dean had a great influence on Castiel as there was a time if he wouldn't dare say a thing like that in fear of what people thought. Now he didn't care. Dean would still love him. He tugged at a shirt sticking out of Dean's suitcase and helped him on with it. "There," he said with a smile. "Now, what do you want to do today?"

Dean grinned and bumped his nose against Castiel's jaw as he huffed a laugh into the collar of the hoodie. He put on his tee shirt with Castiel's assistance, rolling his eyes affectionately, and then smoothed one of Castiel's eyebrows with his thumb absently. "You mentioned Disney?" He said, "Do we have time for that today?"

Castiel nodded, "It doesn't open until 11. We'll be there in time for it to open." Castiel moved past Dean to get his wallet and shoved it into his pocket before taking Dean's hand and heading for the door. "I am so getting your photo with Donald Duck," Castiel chuckled. His eyes brightened, "Oh and Mickey Mouse and Peter Pan... You'll look adorable," he mused with more laughter.

"Yeah? Well, I'm gonna make you pose with all the princesses." Dean retorted teasingly, finding his old leather wallet and putting it into the pocket of his jeans. He grabbed his camera and waved it in Castiel's face before putting it in his pocket and walking hand in hand with Cas out the door and outside. Once they were on the street, Dean casually hooked his fingers in the back pocket of Castiel's jeans as they walked.

Castiel blushed as Dean put his hand in his back pocket but smiled when he realized he was safe and no one knew them. He leaned into Dean as they walked, wrapping his arm around his waist and sighing with content. They got the bus to Disneyland and queued up to get into the park. It took about 20 minutes but that's because the park hadn't opened yet. Once they were in Castiel's jaw dropped, not caring that he wasn't eight years old. "It's everything I dreamt," he gaped.

Dean smiled softly at how young and innocent Castiel looked, staring around with wide eyes, and he couldn't resist kissing him and running a hand through Castiel's hair. "Dreams really do come true," he teased in an overly sweet voice, even as he held Castiel close and grinned affectionately at him. Families with children and other young couples like themselves were milling around preparing for a day in the parks and heading off in the direction of the attractions.

Castiel grinned, kissing Dean happily. His attention, however was caught by one of the staff dressed up as Cinderella. "Oh my God, Dean. LOOK." He pointed in her direction whilst dragging Dean towards her. He took the camera from Dean's pocket and made him stand with her whilst he took his photo, the Disney castle in the background. "Parfait," he grinned.

Dean whirled around and found himself being dragged over to Cinderella, who greeted them. "Prince Charmont," she said with a sweet smile, gesturing Dean over. Dean blushed and posed with her somewhat awkwardly, but he laughed as Castiel took the picture. When Cas snapped the picture, Dean gestured to a random dad with two kids and beckoned him over, asking him to take his and Castiel's photo with Cinderella.

Castiel grinned, standing over with Dean and Cinderella in Dinseyland, in France and Castiel could swear he was going to explode with happiness. The guy took their photo and Castiel thanked him, taking the camera from him and thanking Cinderella before taking Dean further into the park. "This is amazing. We just took our photo with a fictional character," Castiel chuckled. This was all so surreal and fun and exciting and he kissed Dean briefly as they walked.

"It's perfect," Dean agreed, his cheeks aching from smiling so much. He felt like a little kid, never having experienced Disney before, and everything he saw made him giddy with excitement. "Cas, this is seriously awesome. I'm so glad we're here." He said, meaning more than just being in Disney. He was happy to be here with Castiel, still together after everything they'd been through, and Dean took a picture of Castiel's awestruck, fascinated expression, never wanting to forget this.

Castiel grinned, blushing when Dean took his photo again. "It sure is. I'm glad we're here too." He kissed Dean and took a sneaky photo of them with his phone with the castle behind them. "Come on, let's go ride the log flumes," Castiel grinned, pointing over to the rides and taking Dean in that direction.

Dean closed his eyes as Castiel kissed him, smiling against his lips, and when they pulled apart Cas tugged on his hand and they walked towards the rides. Their hands swung loosely between them as they strolled towards the rides, and Dean smiled lazily in the warm sunlight.

Castiel led them over to the log flumes and they lined up for the ride. When they finally got on it, Castiel sat by Dean in the front cart, squeezing his hand and grinning excitedly. He'd only been to a fun fair once and all his brothers were there and they made it hell for him and Jimmy. So Castiel was looking forward to experiencing what rides were supposed to be like. The attendant pushed the bar down to stop them from falling out and did that same with the rest of the riders. "You okay, kitten?" he asked, looking over at Dean.

Dean looked around uncertainly as he got into the ride. "Never been on one of these before," he admitted sheepishly, smiling at Cas and squeezing his hand back. He bounced once in excitement. They were sitting in the front, and Dean couldn't see what the rest of the ride looked like from here, so he had no idea what to expect.

Castiel kissed Dean briefly. "Don't worry, neither have I," he assured. "I just thought it'd be fun." The ride started and they were brought down into a dip and through a tunnel and swayed side to side as they turned corners sharply like any other ride.. Castiel held onto the bars, smiling breathlessly. After a while they started to climb a hill which would lead to the inevitable drop and Castiel could feel butterflies in his stomach.

The log-shaped car rocked back and forth, causing Dean and Castiel to bump shoulders several times, and then they were heading up a steep slope at a slow pace, the chains clicking underneath them, through a dark tunnel. Dean figured there would be a huge drop when they reached the top, but he couldn't see how close they were and he leaned close to Castiel. "Scared?" He teased gently.

"Not with you by my side," he quipped, stroking the back of Dean's hand with his thumb. It was a cheesy move but he didn't care. He could literally feel the people behind them rolling their eyes, overhearing their conversation. Their was finally a light at the end of the tunnel and the cart slowly tipped to head downwards but stopped. Castiel could see the water slope in front of them a grinned nervously.

Dean chuckled at Castiel's reply and waited in anticipation as the cart slowly reached the top and stopped for a moment before slowly tipping forward, and Dean threw his arm around Castiel's neck and put his other hand in the air, whooping excitedly as they quickly gained momentum, sliding quickly towards the bottom of the slope and to the water underneath.

Castiel whooped along with Dean, wrapping his arm around Dean's waist and throwing the other in the air. He saw a camera flash but before he could register what it was they'd hit the bottom, water spraying everywhere. Castiel laughed as the cart came back around to where they'd stated and got out. Once they'd walked through the exit and back into the main bit Castiel grinned, wrapping his arms around Dean. "That was amazing." He walked over to the stall to see the pictures on the screen from the ride.

Dean laughed breathlessly and hugged Castiel back before they headed over to the crowd gathered around the screens looking at their pictures, pointing and laughing excitedly. Dean scanned all of them and bursted out laughing when he saw theirs. "We look ridiculous," he said, pulling Castiel's arm around him again. "That was fun. Thanks for getting me to go on it,"

Castiel laughed when he saw them on the screens and leaned against Dean. "No problem, love," Castiel hummed, looking around at all the different attractions. "What do you want to do next?" he asked, looking around like an excited puppy. There was so much to do. Castiel didn't know where to start.

"Honestly, I have no idea..." he trailed off as his attention was drawn to a large roller coaster, the car clacking noisily as it zoomed by, filled with screaming passengers. Dean grinned slowly and turned to Cas. "You wanna...?" He gestured questioningly at the ride and smiled excitedly. Dean had never been on a roller coaster, at least not that he could remember, and he'd kind of always wanted to try it.

Castiel looked over at the roller coaster and chuckled nervously. "Okay, love," he agreed, looking up at the ride, a little terrified but willing to give anything a go. They went over and queued for the ride, Castiel holding Dean's hand nervously as the screams zoomed past again. It was soon their turn and thankfully they weren't at the front this time, somewhere in the middle and Castiel double checked that they were strapped in properly.

The headrests and shoulder bars on the roller coaster made it difficult for Dean to see Cas, and the ride was one that their feet dangled, and Dean swung his feet nervously, smiling and reaching over with one hand to pry one of Castiel's off the bar and squeeze it briefly before the ride started. An attendant hurried by and checked each passenger, and soon the ride was starting. It began slowly at first, much like the climb in the log flumes, and it went much higher.

Castiel felt a bit uneasy, not being able to see Dean but he knew he was there and concentrated on that. The ride took a while to start, they went up for a while before the ride swung into gear and flew them across at lightening speed. Castiel screamed, feeling the air wrenched from his lungs. It was thrilling but nerve wrecking and Castiel held on tightly to the bars in fear of falling.

Dean's heart pounded and the wind blew tears down his face and whipped through his hair, and soon he was laughing breathlessly. He could hear Cas screaming beside him, and Dean grinned widely and made some noise as well, adrenaline coursing through his veins. The roller coaster went through a loop and then plunged straight towards the ground, coming frighteningly close before swooping back up again.

Castiel's heart was pounding, blood pumping with adrenaline. As soon as he thought he'd gotten used to the ride, they'd loop or spin and turn Castiel's head again. He grinned breathlessly, his cheeks aching with the effort as the wind hit his skin with such a force. They went around two more times before the ride was over and it took Castiel a moment to get out of the cart, legs failing him and feeling dizzy. He held his hand out for Dean and used him for support.

Castiel's hair was a mess, cheeks flushed from smiling and the wind, and Dean laughed and stumbled over to him, and they leaned against each other clumsily as they walked away from the ride. "You're not gonna puke on me, are you?" Dean asked, grinning teasingly as they paused by a bench and Dean collapsed onto it, his legs still shaky from the thrill.

Castiel shook his head, laughing breathlessly as they came to sit on a bench. "No, just a bit dizzy," he giggled, leaning his head against Dean's shoulder. "That was almost as thrilling as sex," he laughed, kissing Dean's jaw where he could reach from their position. He closed his eyes for a minute and waited for the world to stop spinning.

"Nah, sex with you is so much better than that." Dean said softly, leaning his head against Castiel's and putting an arm around him. He sighed and waited for his head to stop pounding, hoping desperately that one of his headaches wasn't coming on. He still got terrible headaches ever since the accident, and this was the last place he wanted to get one. It might have been triggered by the roller coaster, if that's what it was.

Castiel hummed, stroking circles into Dean's thigh absently. "I can't believe I'm in France talking about sex with my fiancé," he said with a breathless laugh. "It still feels like a dream. One I never want to wake up from." Castiel closed his eyes again and leaned closer into Dean. "You okay, love? Was it too much?" he asked with concern as Dean hadn't said anything in a while. "We can just walk about and see fun fair stalls if you want?"

Dean smiled tightly and rubbed at his head, nodding. "Yeah, I'm okay. Let's look around a little." He stood up, wincing slightly at the pain in his head and willed it to go away, but it was bearable so he would be okay. He could deal with it. He smiled a little brighter when he looked down at Castiel's messy hair and bright eyes, and held out a hand to him. Once they were both standing, Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist as a kind of disguised support, as he was still feeling a little dizzy, and they began to wander off.

Castiel smiled, kissing Dean's cheek and wrapping an arm around him as they walked. He was too busy looking around at everything to notice Dean's mild discomfort. It wasn't until until they passed a pizza stand did he look over at Dean and frown in concern. "Love, are you okay?" he asked worryingly. It wasn't too noticeable but Castiel knew Dean well enough to know when something was bothering him. "Do you need to sit down?" he asked, pressing his hand to the side of Dean's face carefully.

Dean closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. "I'm okay, really." He insisted, "This happens all the time. It'll pass." He rubbed his hand over his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to force the pain down. Once he felt like it was more manageable, he opened his eyes and smiled reassuringly at Castiel. "I'm good," he said, "Although maybe some water would help." He walked over to a nearby stand and bought a bottle of water, pressing it against his head as he walked over to a bench to sit down.

Castiel tried to swallow his guilt, following Dean over to a bench and sitting close beside him and stroking his hair tenderly. "I'm sorry, love. I just got so caught up in the moment I didn't think- Are you gonna be okay?" He pressed a kiss to Dean's cheek, keeping his lips close to the skin. "We can go back home if you want?" he offered. If Dean was having an episode, screaming kids and rides weren't going to help.

"Cas, babe, I'm fine," Dean insisted, smiling at Castiel's concern. "I'll let you know if it gets too bad, all right?" He murmured, pressing a kiss to Castiel's cheek. "I promise." They were already here and had paid to get in, and Dean didn't want to waste this amazing opportunity. He could deal with a little headache. Castiel's fingers on his scalp were doing wonders, though, so he told him so. "Keep doing that, it feels great." He sighed and relaxed a little. "Just... give me like 5 minutes, then I'll be good to go."

Castiel nodded, continuing to work on Dean's hair and massage the scalp. "Okay, just let me know if it gets bad." He pressed tender kisses to Dean's hair as he worked his fingertips through it. "Kitten, I love you," Castiel sighed. "We're in Disneyland together and we're getting married and..I just can't believe this is all happening. I feel like I'm five minutes from being woken up to Balthazar punching me in the leg and realizing that this is all just a dream."

"I know," Dean agreed quietly, "This is unreal. We're getting _married._" he murmured excitedly, fingering the ring on his finger with a smile. "For real. We're going to have a bachelor party and a wedding and a reception and buy a home and move in together..." He trailed off dreamily, wondering when his life had gotten to this point. If he'd never met Cas, Dean would still be that asshole who hangs out with other assholes. "Thank you," he said quietly, not really sure what he meant, but he could assume Cas could come up with something.

Castiel smiled kissing Dean briefly before continuing to stroke his hair. The thought of getting his own place with Dean was exciting and nerving. It made it that much more real that they were actually doing this. He pressed a kiss into Dean's hair. "Honey, don't thank me. I should be thanking you. You've changed my life so much and I don't know what I'd do without you. I.." Castiel stopped himself from saying the last bit. Dean didn't need to know that he would be dead if it weren't for him. He would have gone shortly after Jimmy. They were supposed to be having fun. He didn't want to bum Dean out. "...I love you," he finished, smiling softly.

Dean rubbed his nose up and down Castiel's jaw, smiling softly. He slid the cold water bottle to a new spot on his head and held it there as the cold and Castiel's gentle fingers worked miracles on the pain. Castiel's words brought a pleasant tingling warmth to his chest and he grinned, snuggling against Castiel and not even caring that they were in public. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me," Dean murmured into Castiel's shirt.

Castiel smiled, shifting them so Dean could lie comfortably against his chest. His free arm wrapping around his waist and keeping him close as he continued to play with his hair gently. He hummed at Dean's words and blushed a little, proud he could make such an impression on him. On anyone. The boy that not five months ago could barely look Dean in the eye, let alone talk to him. "I can't wait to tell Sammy," Castiel grinned. "The look on his face will be worth it alone."

"Yeah, Sam's reaction is gonna be priceless. He'll probably start waving gay pride flags or something ridiculous like that." Dean joked, leaning against Castiel and rubbing his head against his chest like a cat. "Actually, I think everyone's reactions are going to be pretty memorable. I'm kinda worried about my dad, though. And what about your brothers?" Dean hadn't heard much about any of Castiel's brothers lately.

"Your dad can't do anything," Castiel assured, remembering the last time they'd had a serious chat. "In fact, I think he'd be a bit relieved. To know that we're serious and not just pulling his chain, you know?" Castiel wasn't sure if he believed that but it was better than thinking about the alternative. "My brothers are with Michael and I couldn't care less what they think. Jimmy liked you and that's all that matters." He pressed a kiss to the top of Dean's head and gently stroked his hair, "I'm pretty sure the only person I'm worried to tell is Bobby. He had $200 ridding that I'd choke but I think he was just messin' with Crowley to give me that push to do it," Castiel chuckled.

Dean sighed tightly at the though of his father, and he hoped Cas was right. "I'm just not sure if he's gonna approve of us deciding to get married," He admitted, "He might think we're just rushing into things, because we're still in school and we haven't even been together that long." Dean certainly didn't doubt their relationship, but John probably did. "I don't care, though. We're getting married whether he likes it or not." He paused and took a sip of his water and nearly inhaled it in laughter. "What?" He asked in disbelief, "Bobby and Crowley made a bet on whether or not you'd propose to me? That's hilarious."

Castiel laughed harder as Dean choked on his water. He shook his head, "They don't doubt I'd propose. The real question was when. Bobby didn't think I'd be able to go through with it on this trip. Crowley took the bet against." Castiel took the bottle and had a sip of water before handing it back. "There isn't a doubt in hell I wouldn't ask you to be mine. I wouldn't wanna let go of you if I could help it," Castiel murmured. He looked down at Dean with a soft smile. "How's your head, love?" he asked with concern.

Dean grinned as he imagined Bobby and Crowley arguing over when Castiel would propose to Dean. "I should've proposed to you first and just surprised them," he said wistfully, "That would've been great. But I was actually going to propose to you. I was looking at ring prices and everything, but I couldn't really afford a good one so I decided to wait until I got some more money." He faked disappointment. "It's not fair, you beat me to it." He teased, reaching up to tug Castiel's ear playfully. "And I'm actually feeling a little better now."

Castiel's features softened. "Dean, you're such a sweetheart," he murmured, pressing kisses into the other's hair. He couldn't believe Dean actually had the same intentions as him. The idea made him well up a little. "I love you so much, kitten," he breathed, playing with Dean's hair almost therapeutically. "Good to hear," he smiled, grateful Dean wouldn't need to go to the doctors or anything. He didn't want their trip to be ruined by Dean being stuck in hospital again. It wasn't fair on him.

Dean giggled slightly as Castiel called him kitten, it was unusual and he'd never heard anybody call their loved one that, but surprisingly he liked it. It was endearing. "Love you too, babe. That feels great. Instant cure for headaches." He leaned up and kissed Castiel's jaw before rubbing at his head tenderly and wincing only a little. "I'm okay now," he reassured Castiel, having become accustomed to the random attacks of pain in his head.

Castiel hummed, letting his hands drop from Dean's hair and sighed softly, standing up and watching Dean carefully. "Okay, just tell me if it gets worse," Castiel said, taking Dean's hand again and walking with him slowly to look around the place. "It sure is magical here, huh?" Castiel smiled excitedly.

"It sure is." Dean agreed, checking out the game stalls and the stores. He spotted a face painting stand and nudged Cas. "Hey, wanna get our faces painted?" He asked with a grin, studying the board that showed all the options and designs. "Look, you can be a princess, a tiger, Spiderman, a cat..." He giggled slightly.

Castiel grinned, squeezing Dean's hand. "I think you should be a tiger. Live up to the name and all that," Castiel grinned with a knowing smile. He pressed a kiss to Dean's jaw and looked over at the stall. "I could be a cat," Castiel said with a happy smile. "I've always wanted to look like Amber."

"Okay," Dean chuckled, "I'm not even going to judge you for wanting to look like your cat. Amber is very beautiful. Don't be ashamed of feeling jealous of her looks." Dean teased lovingly, walking up to the stall and telling the artist what they wanted. The artist, a young woman with many ear piercings and tattoos, smiled at them and nodded, telling Castiel to take a seat first as she prepared the paints.

Castiel chuckled, kissing Dean's cheek before sitting down in the chair opposite the woman. "Nice tatts," Castiel commented politely, looking over her arms impressed. "Nice accent," she retorted with a cockney accent, a hint of French from her time staying here. She started painting Castiel's face, "Where are you guys from?" She dabbed at his cheeks with cream paint. "Kansas. You're from...Wembley? Possibly Hampstead?" The young woman raised an eyebrow, "Wembley. How did you know?" Castiel shrugged. "My mother is from London." The woman finished Castiel's cat face and he looked up at Dean, stretching out his hands to him to mimic paws. "What do you think?"

Dean watched as the artist painted Castiel's face with practiced ease, transforming him into a cat. "That looks great," he told them with a grin, giving the woman a thumbs up. "He has this thing about cats," Dean explained mock seriously to the young woman, a teasing glint in his eyes. "Which is why I'm gonna be a tiger." He grinned at Cas and the woman laughed and gently pushed Cas out of the chair, gesturing for Dean to come and sit down. "Okay, tiger it is." Dean grinned and closed his eyes as she began painting his face.

Castiel grinned, standing up and looking in the little mirror in the stall whilst Dean's face was being painted. "Congratulations, dude," the woman grinned, having subtly spotted the ring on Dean's finger whilst dabbing more paint on her sponge. "You set a date yet?" she asked politely but still seemed genuinely interested.

Dean looked at her in confusion, but then followed her gaze to his hand, where the engagement ring glinted brightly. He smiled and looked up at Cas. "Not yet, he only proposed last night." He tried to keep his face still as the artist continued painting his face, but it was hard not to smile. "I still need to buy him a ring."

The young woman looked over at Castiel and grinned, "Well you picked a great place to propose. Paris is supposedly the most romantic city on Earth." She continued to paint Dean's face. Castiel smiled, "Dean you don't have to. We'll just get one for the wedding. I don't want you to waste your money on an engagement ring."

Dean grinned and then apologized quietly, hoping he hadn't just messed up her painting. She smiled and shook her head. "You're fine, babe." she said to him, squinting in concentration as she carefully painted stripes on his forehead. Since she wasn't painting anywhere near his mouth, Dean said to Cas, "I want to get you something," he insisted.

Castiel thought for a moment before grinning excitedly. "I don't need anything. I've got you." The woman finished her work and sat back. "There. You guys have a good day and good luck with the marriage thing," she smiled. Castiel thanked her and handed over some money before taking Dean's hand and leading him through the stalls. "Looking good kitten," he smirked.

"I'm no kitten, I'm a tiger!" Dean retorted after thanking the woman and walking out through the park again and looking at the other stalls. People were giving them amused looks, and Dean grinned back at them, feeling bold and bright. "So, about what she said... when should we actually have the wedding?" He asked excitedly. "Shit, I can't believe we're actually doing this. It's unreal."

Castiel took Dean's shirt and tugged him close, "You're a kitten by day, tiger by night," he murmured in a low voice. He smirked, kissing Dean's neck where he wouldn't ruin the paint. "I think we should have a winter wedding. With the snow and the couples weather..it'll be perfect," he mused.

Dean laughed and wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist as Cas pulled him in. "I can be a tiger anytime for you, baby." Dean growled, and then ruffled Castiel's hair. "I think that'd be perfect," he said with a soft smile, "Maybe for our honeymoon we could go skiing or something. Rent a cottage by a mountain and spend a week in the snow." Winter was Dean's favorite season.

Castiel hummed, wrapping his arm around Dean's waist. "Sounds, perfect." He didn't know how to ski but it sounded like fun. He kissed Dean happily. "I love you, Dean," he sighed. "I can't wait to start a life witt you."

"You have a life with me," Dean murmured with a warm smile, "It's only just the beginning, but I can't wait." He put his hand over Castiel's where it rested at his side and kissed him slowly, pausing in the middle of the crowded walkway of the park and not caring what anyone thought. He was just so happy, so proud to be Castiel's.

Castiel smiled, kissing Dean back lovingly. His hands resting in the other's hair and smiling ridiculously. Castiel parted with a content hum and looked just over Dean's should with an excited grin. "Samandriel," Castiel gasped, running from Dean to an oversized Donald Duck and hugging him tightly. Donald Duck was startled and fell flat on his back, his head rolling off to show a young male inside the costume. "Castiel?" Samandriel groaned once he was able to get his barrings. Castiel peering over him and chuckling brightly. "Désolé," he said with a blush, helping him to his feet and putting his head back on, knowing how strict their policies about that sort of stuff was. Ruining the magic and what not.

Dean flinched in surprise when Castiel suddenly bolted, and he watched in bemusement as he threw himself at Donald Duck and the two of them fell to the ground. Dean rose his eyebrows in confusion as the guy's costume head fell off and revealed a startled looking young man. Castiel blushed and handed the head back to him, and Dean curiously wandered over, wondering what was going on. A little kid stared in horror at the scene and Dean bit his lip to keep from laughing. Donald Duck's head had just fallen off. Poor kid was probably gonna have nightmares.

Castiel looked over at Dean and laced their fingers together, beckoning him over. "Dean, this is Samandriel. Samandriel, ceci est mon fiancé, Dean." Donald duck waved, the costume obviously muffling the sound of his voice. Castiel grinned in excitement. "Samandriel is my friend from when we used to live here," he explained to Dean. "We've been pen pals ever since we moved back to the states." Donald hugged Castiel and Castiel hugged him back, lifting his head up a bit so he could talk to him without causing too much of a scene. "Quand votre pause déjeuner?" Castiel asked. "Deux heures," he replied. Castiel nodded and stepped away, taking Dean's hand again. "Will see him later for lunch, if that's okay with you?" Castiel asked, stepping back into the crowed square.

"Bonjour," Dean greeted with a smile, feeling giddy when Cas introduced him as his fiance. Cas hugged Donald again and then stepped back to Dean's side, their hands slipping together automatically. Dean waved goodbye to the duck as he and Cas walked away, and then Dean turned to Cas with a soft smile. "I think it's great that you've stayed in touch with him all these years," he said in amazement. Dean had moved around a few times when he was younger, and he'd never managed to keep in touch with the friends he'd left behind.

Castiel shrugged, "I did it for Jimmy more than anything. With him being stuck in hospital he didn't really have much to look forward to, you know? So it was a nice surprise to have someone new to talk to." Castiel sighed, squeezing Dean's hand. "I'm glad I found him here though. I'd rather tell him about Jimmy in person. Seems a bit wrong to tell him in a letter. I mean, how would you even start something like that?" They walked through the characters square, waving at them as they passed them.

Dean nodded sadly. "That was kind of you," he said softly, kissing Castiel's cheek. "How are you going to tell him?" He asked carefully, "That's not exactly easy news to hear, Cas." Dean dodged two little girls in matching outfits and Mickey Mouse ears as they barreled straight towards him, stumbling towards his legs. One of the little girls tripped and fell, and Dean let go of Castiel's hand to help her up and set her on her feet again. Her knee was scraped and she was crying, and the other child stood nearby, watching in concern. Dean crouched down and pulled a tissue out of his pocket to gently wipe at the bleeding scrape. "Êtes-vous d'accord, ma chérie?" He asked gently, and the child sniffled and nodded shyly. Soon, a young woman came running over and the girl ran into her arms, sobbing. Dean stood up and the mother smiled gratefully at him, lifting the injured girl into her arms and grabbing the other one by the hand as they walked away.

Castiel went to speak but was cut off by two little girls running into Dean. Castiel blinked, watching from the sidelines as Dean tended to the injured girl. Castiel smiled warmly, Dean was so sweet with kids. With anyone really, so kind and gentle. Castiel just wanted to bundle him in his arms and never let go. When the mother took her children, Castiel grabbed Dean's hand and pulled him into a hug. "You're such a sweetheart, kitten." He looked at Dean's face paint and smiled. "You may seem like a big tough tiger on the outside, but deep down, you're just a big ol' ball of fluff." Castiel chuckled and kissed Dean's nose.

Dean blushed slightly and grinned, hugging Castiel back. He rolled his eyes, but the effect was lost in his smile. "I look like a big tough tiger, huh?" He teased, kissing Castiel's lips carefully to not smear the paint, "And trust me, I'm so much more than a ball of fluff." He murmured into Castiel's ear, low and suggestive, and skimmed his hand down Castiel's spine to rest at the small of his back. "Rawr." he growled playfully, laughing.

Castiel giggled, leaning into Dean's touch. "I bet you are," he murmured breathlessly. He kissed Dean, careful of the paint andd smiled sweetly. "We've got an hour until we have to meet Samandriel again. What do you want to do?" he asked, looking about for stuff to do. He leant against Dean, arm around his waist.

Dean smiled widely when Castiel leaned against him and he intertwined their fingers on his hip. "Hmm. Wanna go into that store over there and get a souveniers? I've gotta get something for Sammy." He suggested, slowly walking towards the store full of Disney and Paris items.

"We've gotta get the mickey mouse ears, Dean," Castiel said. A man on a mission. He walked with Dean into the store and his eyes widened in surprise. Toys, gifts, sweets everything you could ever dream of just there waiting to be bought. "Oh my," Castiel breathed, squeezing Dean's hip where his hand lay. "You may need to keep an eye on what I buy," he warned, smiling idiotically.

Dean looked around in amazement and smiled at Castiel. "Likewise," he replied meaningfully. "Stop me if I want to buy anything bigger than I can carry. This is amazing." He slowly headed over to a shelf containing Mickey Mouse ears, which was conveniently located in the front of the store, and Dean tried on a pair and then put one on Castiel's head. "Adorable." he said with a sweet smile, kissing Castiel quickly.

Castiel giggled, looking in the small mirror before taking the ears off and deciding he was going to buy them. "I should wear them more often," Castiel chuckled, looking around the store. "What did you want to get Sam?" he asked, picking up random things before putting them back. "I think you should get him like a necklace or something .something meaningful. Maybe not from Disneyland but from the market in Paris or something?" Castiel suggested.

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Dean said, agreeing with Castiel's suggestion. "I also wanted to get him something kind of funny and pointless, maybe one of those giant lollipops shaped like Mickey Mouse or something. The kid's got a sweet tooth." Dean picked up one of the large lollipops that was bigger than his face and grinned. "He'd love this." he said, "But yeah. I think we should find something of sentimental value, too." Dean said thoughtfully, holding onto the lollipop.

Castiel laughed, looking at the giant ass lollipop with wide eyes. "Yeah that should do it," he grinned. After looking around for a while they took their stuff to the counter and paid for it. Castiel putting his mickey mouse ears on proudly and taking Dean's hand as they left the store. "Let's go to the food court," Castiel said. "I'm sure Samandriel is there by now."

Dean grinned and strapped on the Mickey Mouse ears and they headed to the food courts for lunch. Dean's headache had reduced to a dull throb, and it felt much better than before but he still was going to take some painkillers and sleep when they got home after today. They walked into the building and Dean stood beside Castiel as they looked for Samandriel.

Castiel peered around the corners of the food court and found Samandriel eating a burger with his donald duck head off and sat beside him. Castiel smiled sadly, dreading the next part of their conversation. He sat down with Dean and held his hand for support. "Bonjour, Samandriel. Où as-tu obtenir les hamburgers?" Castiel asked. Samandriel gestured to a stand over in the opposite direction. "Honey, can you go get our lunch?" Castiel asked, needing a moment alone to talk to Samandriel.

Dean looked between them and nodded in understanding. "Yeah," he said, kissing Castiel quickly and standing up. "I'll be a few minutes," he said, stroking Castiel's hair and walking over to the hamburger stand. He bought two burgers, drinks, and chips for both of them, struggling slightly with the language and the money, and the girl behind the counter looked like she was trying not to laugh. Dean smiled sheepishly, he knew he probably looked ridiculous. An American tourist with tiger face-paint and clumsy French trying to figure out euros. Eventually he figured it out, thanked the girl and apologized, and she giggled and blushed and Dean hurried away in mild embarrassment, and then approached the table where Castiel and Samandriel sat. He placed the tray down beside Cas and then left to get napkins and other things to give them a few more minutes to talk.

Castiel smiled up at Dean and watched as he went away to get food. "See, the thing is Samandriel," Castiel began in French, the other slurping on his coke as he watched Castiel closely. Castiel cleared his throat, fiddling with his guitar puck nervously. He was never good at bringing bad news put he deserved to know. "Jimmy he-" Dean returned with food and Castiel sighed, smiling up at him and grateful when he left again. "Yeah, how is he? You haven't replied to my letters in a while. Is everything okay?" Samandriel asked worryingly. Castiel shook his head. "Two months ago, he..he committed suicide," Castiel said just getting out the way. There was never going to be an easy way to say it so he thought he might as well just say it straight. "He's dead. I'm so sorry, Samandriel." He reached his hand out for the other's hand only to be greeted by an oversized duck hand. At least that made them both laugh.

Dean lingered by the condiments as he watched Castiel and Samandriel talking quietly, serious expressions on both of their faces. Suddenly, they both laughed slightly, although their faces were still tense, and Dean sighed a little in relief. He waited about five more minutes by the condiments bar and pulled out his phone. He had a text message from Sam asking how he was enjoying Paris, and Dean texted back that it was awesome and he got him a present. After he sent the message he slowly headed over to the table, feeling a little awkward as he approached. He couldn't hear what they were talking about but Dean hoped that he wasn't interrupting at a bad time.

Castiel sighed, shifting a little to hug Samandriel tightly. "I'm sorry you had to find out like this," Castiel continued in French. "Just with everything that's been going on lately I haven't had time to worry about much else." Samandriel nodded in understanding. "I get it, Castiel. It's okay. As long as you're coping." He looked up to see Dean hovering behind Castiel and smiled. "But I can already see that you're going just fine. Congratulations, by the way." Castiel blushed, looking behind him and smiling up at Dean. He took his hand and gestured for him to sit back down with them and eat. Castiel stole one of Dean's fries and smirked. "Thank you, Samandriel," Castiel smiled. Castiel looked over at Dean. "You okay, kitten?" he asked, returning to English just as easily.

"Yeah," Dean answered gently as he sat down at the table with them and looked between Samandriel and Castiel. "You okay?" he asked meaningfully, glancing at Samandriel and then looking back at Cas questioningly. He didn't know if Samandriel spoke English, and this probably wasn't the best situation to meet him in because Cas had just given Samandriel bad news, but Dean wanted to get along with this guy, because he was Castiel's good friend.

"I'll be okay," Samandriel said slowly, his accent was thick but like Dean was with French. He was able to say simple things. Castiel took Dean's hand as he felt old memories emerge. He couldn't believe it had been two months already. So much had changed since then. Castiel smiled at Samandriel, trying to offer him comfort by taking his hand but he kept forgetting he was in the duck costume. He placed his hand against his cheek for a moment, smiling sadly. "Il a fait t'aime, Samandriel. N'oublie jamais ça." Samandriel nodded, leaning into Castiel's hand slightly before he pulled away. "Je dois me remettre au travail," Samandriel sighed, finding an excuse to leave and grabbed his duck head and held it under his arm as he stood. "It was nice..to meet you," he said to Dean as best as he could before hugging them both awkwardly and heading back off to work. Castiel gave a soft sigh, collapsing back in his chair and ate his burger.

Dean watched them closely, biting his lip. Samandriel looked devastated, and Dean had no idea how close he'd been to Jimmy, but the look in Samandriel's eyes made Dean's chest ache. He hugged him goodbye. "Nice to meet you too," he said in French as he hugged him in the big duck costume, "Take care." He watched the guy in the duck costume leave, and then he sighed sadly and sipped at his drink absently. He was still holding Castiel's hand, and he gave it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sorry, Cas." He said helplessly.

Castiel put down his burger, swallowing the piece he was chewing. "Dean, it's okay. He had to know," Castiel sighed sadly. He shuffled on the bench to curl up next to Dean and steal one of his fries as he rested his head against the other's shoulder. "It's been two months already, Dean," Castiel whispered. "We've been to France since then. You almost died, I- I haven't even gone to see him, you know that? I've been so busy looking after you and mom after the house burnt down I haven't even had time to see him, I'm an awful brother."

Dean put his arm around Castiel and looked over at him sadly as he held him. A wave of guilt washed over him at Castiel's words. "Two months," he repeated quietly, thinking back on all the things that had happened since Jimmy's death. "Shit, Cas. I'm so sorry. You're not an awful brother, Cas. It doesn't make you a bad person to not visit his grave," Dean told him gently, kissing his head lightly. "You're a good person. The best person I know."

Castiel smiled sadly, "I want to see him when we get home." It was decided. He needed to see his brother. He leaned into Dean's touch, stealing more of his fries. "Thanks, kitten," he murmured. "You're the sweetest. You always know what to say." He leaned up to kiss Dean properly and held him in a tight embrace. "I love you."

"Sounds like a plan." Dean confirmed. He smiled down at Castiel and then they were kissing. Dean was amused by Castiel stealing his food again, and he grabbed a few of Castiel's fries off his plate and ate them when they broke the kiss. "I love you too," Dean replied with a grin, "My future husband." He still couldn't get over the fact that they were engaged.

Castiel grinned excitedly, "Husband," he said, trying the word out on his tongue. "I like it. Sounds sexy," he chuckled in a low voice, kissing Dean again before returning to his food. "It's going to be great though, babe. We can have our own celebration when we get back. Get drunk in the cabin, fall asleep among the blankets in front of the fireplace. Sounds, heaven," Castiel said dreamily.

"That sounds perfect," Dean agreed happily, "I can't wait. So, about the wedding..." he said thoughtfully, "We should definitely wait until we graduate high school. And do it in the winter, like you said." He giggled slightly. "Sorry, I'm just excited. Can't stop thinking about it, actually."

Castiel smiled warmly, "It's okay, I understand. I'm excited too." Castiel bit his lip, "I want to marry you as soon as possible," Castiel pouted. "As soon as we're out of high school..that winter we'll have our wedding. I don't care about fancy decorations or how many people show up. I just want to be your husband." Castiel sighed, lacing their fingers together. "I think we should go back, unless there is anything else you want to do?"

Dean stretched and shook his head tiredly. "I'm pretty beat," he admitted, "We can head back if you want. I think I need a nap." His head still hurt and the pain had left him exhausted, and a nap was probably necessary. He finished up his food and pressed Castiel's fingers to his lips. "I can't wait until I get to live with you and sleep with you every night, and wake up with you beside me every morning," Dean murmured dreamily as he collected their trays and stood up to return them.

Castiel sighed into the touch and followed Dean as he stood. "Fuck, that sounds amazing," he moaned, wrapping his arms around Dean and kissing his neck to avoid the pain and caressing his hair. "God, Dean. I want all these things with you. I want them now. I can't begin to explain how much I love you." He kissed the shell of Dean's ear and pulled away a little to look at Dean. "Take me home, love," Castiel sighed with a soft smile.

Dean smiled warmly and hugged Castiel tightly to him. "I know," he murmured, "It's going to be so amazing. I can't believe how lucky I am to have you." When Castiel pulled back, he smirked. "How the hell am I supposed to take you home? I don't even know how to get there from here." He teased, sliding his hands possessively around Castiel's waist. "You're the one who's supposed to take me home, baby."

Castiel chuckled, batting Dean's arm playfully. "You know what I mean." Castiel took them out of the park and on the bus home. When they finally got home, Castiel wordlessly took Dean to bed. Dropping Sam's gift in the bag on the floor and dragging Dean to hover above him on the bed. He kissed him passionately, sighing softly. "Starting from now. I'm never going to sleep in a bed that doesn't have you in it," Castiel vowed with a giddy smile.

Dean settled down between Castiel's legs and slid up his body, kissing him deeply. "That's gonna be a little difficult, don't you think?" He murmured with a smirk, "We'll make it work, though. Can't imagine not having this." They were still wearing the face paint, and Dean giggled in realization. "Hey, we should probably wash this stuff off before we make a mess of the bedsheets." He suggested with a grin, and pushed himself off the bed and into the bathroom to wash his face.

"Paint or no paint I still intend to make a mess of the bedsheets," Castiel retorted with a smirk and followed Dean into the bathroom. He wiped off the paint and helped Dean with his. Once their faces were clean. Castiel kissed Dean properly, not having to worry about the paint. "Mmm, hello, tiger," Castiel murmured with a soft smile and a slight blush creeping into his cheeks.

Dean leaned into Castiel, hands eager on his body, and led him back to the bed with a suggestive grin. He pulled Cas on top of him as he laid on his back and smiled up at him, eyes raking hungrily over Castiel's body. He skimmed his hands up Castiel's chest and fisted his shirt, tugging him down for another kiss.

Castiel blushed deeply and chuckled as Dean eagerly dragged him back to bed. He spread his legs to straddle Dean's waist before being pulled down into a searing kiss. Castiel's hands went to Dean's hair and caressed it lovingly. Parting for breath, he tilted his head to the side to brush against the other's cheek. A timid smile spreading across his lips. "You take my breath away," he murmured happily. He pressed his lips to Dean's neck, trailing his mouth along the skin in open-mouthed kisses.

Dean's head tipped back into the pillow and he gasped as Castiel's mouth moved down his neck. "You make me crazy," he moaned with a breathless smile, tangling his fingers in Castiel's hair and wrapping his legs around his waist. Every touch was amazing and perfect, Castiel knew his body so well and he knew exactly what to do to make Dean lose his mind. Castiel's hands were perfect, touching everywhere and his lips were hot against Dean's skin.

Castiel smiled, nibbing at the lobe of Dean's ear before sucking on it lightly. "Just returning the favour, love," he murmured, kissing Dean's jaw. His hands skimmed over Dean's sides, curling back in his hair. "Come on, kitten," Castiel pouted, pecking at Dean's lips. "I wanna see the tiger."

Dean whimpered slightly as Castiel mouthed at his ear, and then he growled possessively and flipped them over so Castiel was on the mattress looking up at Dean, and Dean grinned down at him, eyes roaming over Castiel's body. He grabbed Castiel's hands and pinned them to the mattress above his head before rolling his hips down against Castiel's body and sucking at his neck, fierce and hot and desperate.

Castiel's eyes widened and his grinned in response as Dean flipped their positions. A low moan escaping his lips as Dean ground against him. He tried to wiggle free of Dean's hold to touch the other but he was too strong. He resorted to kissing Dean whenever he was close enough and bucking his hips up to meet Dean's desperately. A small whimper escaping him as he didn't get the touch he desired most.

Dean chuckled slightly and maintained control of Castiel for a few more moments, even as Cas struggled to get free. Dean let go to tug Castiel's shirt up and over his head, and then he lifted Castiel's hips so he could help him wiggle out of his jeans. Dean hurriedly removed his own clothes and when they were both naked, he slid up Castiel's body, slotting himself between Castiel's legs and grinding up against him slowly. He moaned at the friction between their cocks and kept rubbing against Castiel. "Fuck," he gasped against Castiel's shoulder.

Castiel groaned, willingly letting Dean strip of his clothes as quickly as possible. When Dean finally came back down to touch him he let out a loud moan, the heat blissful and the friction just enough to make Castiel's skin prickle with heat. "There's the tiger," Castiel chuckled breathlessly. He wrapped his legs around Dean's waist and kept him close pressing up against him as much as he could. "Tiger gonna lay there or is tiger gonna claim what's his," Castiel smirked, exposing his neck and bucking his hips up against Dean's.

Dean laughed breathlessly against Castiel's shoulder and pressed his lips there as he ground down in rhythmic thrusts. He slid his mouth up to Castiel's neck, tracing the ridges of his windpipe, until he reached the underside of Castiel's jaw and sucked hard at the skin there. He moved to another spot, just above Castiel's collarbone, tasting his skin and biting down just enough to leave a faint bruise. "Mine," he growled, licking up Castiel's neck until he reached his mouth and claiming his lips again in a heated kiss.

Castiel groaned, fingering Dean's hair as he screwed his eyes shut and felt Dean's lips against his skin. He moaned breathlessly at Dean's possessiveness, clutching at the other's shoulders desperately. He was completely under Dean's control and all he could do was roll his hips against Dean's rhythmically and lie back as his fiancé lathered his skin with his tongue.

Dean worked his way down Castiel's body, paying special attention to his neck and nipples, where Castiel was most sensitive. His lips skimmed delicately over the scars on Castiel's arm as he pressed open-mouthed kisses to the hard curves of Castiel's muscles. "Fuck, you're gorgeous," He muttered, sliding his lips down the center of Castiel's chest and stomach, glancing up every so often to look at Castiel's face, the blissful expression there enough to make Dean ache in need.

Castiel groaned, biting his lip as Dean worked over his scars. He made something so bad feel good again and he had to grip tightly on the other's hair to stop from crying or screaming out. He loosened his grip when Dean worked his way down his body and stroked at the base of his skull and neck soothingly. "Dean," he whimpered, feeling warm and blissfully light headed.

Cas was tugging at his hair, and Dean moaned roughly at the feeling of it as he continued his slow, meandering path down Castiel's body. He stopped just above Castiel's left hipbone, swiping his tongue across the sharp indent there, and then brushed his lips teasingly against Castiel's cock as he moved to kiss his other hipbone.

Castiel groaned, half in annoyance and half in pleasure as Dean teased him. The other's lips pressing against his cock. "Dean," he breathed, struggling for words. "If..If you don't touch me in the next five seconds I will personally see to it that I fuck your mouth so hard, you'll be coming before I can even get a chance to touch you."

"Yeah, if I don't choke first," Dean replied sarcastically, shaking his head and laughing at Castiel's frustration. "Hang in there, I'll take care of you, kitten." He teased, holding Castiel's hips still with both hands as he slowly took him into his mouth, dragging it out as long as possible to get the best reaction from Castiel. Once he was as deep as he could take it, Dean began sucking hard, moaning at the taste of Castiel on his tongue as he bobbed his head up and down, taking Castiel as deep as he could.

Castiel moaned loudly and throwing his head back against the pillows. He had to stop himself from bucking up into Dean's mouth. He didn't want to hurt him but the restraint was killing him. He tangled his hand in Dean's hair but didn't push down like he wanted to. He just rested it there."Oh Dean," he moaned, loving the look of concentration on his fiancé's face. "So good...don't stop."

Dean smiled around Castiel, pleased with himself for making Castiel come so undone like this. He wanted to make this better than he ever had, remembering things from the last time he'd done this. He slid his hands firmly down Castiel's thighs, loving the feel of the tense, trembling muscles under hot, sweaty skin. He ignored his own aching need and focused all of his attention on Castiel and released his firm grip on Castiel's body, allowing him to move as much as he wanted.

Castiel's spine shivered as Dean's hand skimmed across his thigh. The action enough to make him turned on as anything. He moaned quietly, fingers tightening around Dean's hair. His legs spread as he relaxed at Dean's movements. Hips rolled slightly against Dean mouth but only enough to relieve some of the friction and not choke Dean. "Tiger, you've got me," he murmured, closing his eyes to conceal the sight of Dean. It was too much, he was sending him too close to the edge and he wanted this to last.

Dean sensed Castiel's tension, could feel how close he was to reaching his climax, and he backed off just a little. He wanted to drag out Castiel's pleasure until he begged for release. He moaned, humming low and deep in his throat as he tasted Castiel's pre-come on his tongue, and slowed down his movements to an almost sluggish pace, torturously slow. Castiel writhed beneath him, tugged at his hair, rolled his hips up and thrust into Dean's mouth.

Castiel whimpered in an almost whining fashion when Dean slowed down, tugging at Dean's hair lightly in an attempt to get him to move faster but Dean was annoyingly persistent. So Castiel tried a different approach. His hand easing off as he began to massage the scalp. "You like that, baby?" he murmured in a low, seductive voice. He moaned softly as he felt another small ripple of pleasure course through him. "You like having your French whore's cock in your mouth?" he groaned, finding he liked dirty talk a lot more than he would have thought.

Dean's moan was muffled by Castiel's cock, and he dragged his teeth lightly over the sensitive skin as he swallowed Cas as deep as he could, tightening his lips around him. Castiel's hand massaged his scalp and it felt amazing, and Dean found himself reaching a hand down to touch himself as he pleasured Cas. He pulled off of Castiel's cock and slid his lips up the side until he reached Castiel's body, and his tongue curiously explored further than he'd gone before. Hell yes, he liked it.

Castiel moaned, Dean's mouth doing wondrous things to his cock. Wishing he'd never stop. Castiel closed his eyes, moaning loudly as Dean's tongue explored. His fingers digging into Dean's hair a little in support. He could feel the heat rising, and it'd only be a matter of time before he fell completely off the edge but until then, he was going to enjoy every minute.

Dean slid up Castiel's body again and slotted their hips together perfectly, needing the friction. He pulled Castiel's thighs up to bracket his hips and began grinding down against him slowly, resting their foreheads together as he clumsily kissed him, hot breath heating the space between them and the sounds they were making filling the otherwise silent room. Suddenly, Dean stopped and pushed himself up a little, needing to look at Cas. He went still and just studied him for a moment despite Castiel's desperation. Castiel looked beautiful like this, all raw and real, and Dean was addicted to him.

Castiel moaned, the sudden heat and friction almost too much and not enough. He kissed Dean back, open mouth and sloppy, just desperate for the feeling of Dean's hot plump lips pressed against his. He could taste himself on Dean and it was intoxicating. Castiel blinked when Dean moved away, suddenly feeling exposed and cold without Dean above him. He kept Dean's eye contact and slowly slid a hand to down to touch himself, eye lids fluttering closed and lips parting as a soft moan escaped his throat.

Dean's eyes widened and his lips parted in awe as Cas slowly slid a hand down his own body and began stroking himself. This was easily the most erotic thing he'd ever seen, and he'd seen a lot of erotic things in his life. But this, Castiel pleasuring himself, definitely surpassed everything else. He looked so amazing like this, and Dean groaned and felt another wave of arousal go through him as he continued to watch Castiel. "Jesus, Cas." He gasped, forcing himself not to move and just keep watching, memorizing every little thing Castiel did with his hand, every turn of his wrist, learning everything Castiel liked to do to himself, and filed them away for future reference.

Castiel opened his eyes, smirking at Dean's exclamation. "You like watching your whore?" Castiel purred, biting his lip as another ripple of pleasure past through him as he continued to stroke himself. "Like watching your whore beg for your touch," Castiel murmured, the last word but a whisper on his tongue. He reached out for Dean's thigh, stroking his hand up the inside before stroking the other's cock teasingly.

Dean shuddered and leaned into Castiel's touch desperately, rolling hips down towards Castiel. "Fuck," he muttered breathlessly against Castiel's shoulder, "You should be illegal." It wasn't fair, really. Castiel talking dirty was doing things to Dean and Dean was seconds away from coming. "Please," he found himself begging, not even caring that he was giving up his control, had given it up long ago, because Castiel had him by the heart and body and Dean was entirely his, and he could only let Cas do what he wanted. "Fuck, I'm crazy about you," he moaned, although he was really stating the obvious. "Cas," he whined, sucking at Castiel's throat, hot and dirty and desperate.

Castiel grinned continuing to touch Dean with light, slow strokes. His own cock rubbing against the other's thigh as he ground against him in rhythm of his strokes. He lost his cool when Dean sucked at his neck, a startled but pleasured moan bellowing against the walls of the room. He picked up his pace, seeking desperately for release. He clashed his lips against Dean's clumsily. He came explosively, crying out in relief as he continued to stroke and grind against Dean. "FUCK," he moaned, riding out his orgasm as he pressed his forehead against the sweaty skin of Dean's shoulder.

Dean was so close, but he held back as Castiel reached his orgasm, and only when he was done stroking Castiel through the aftershocks did he allow himself to release, and he came, crying out in pleasure as Cas finished him off, and then he was done. Exhausted, he kissed Castiel, almost missing his mouth, and quickly climbed off the bed and went into the bathroom to grab a cool washcloth to clean them up, and he wiped the come off of himself and Cas as best as he could before collapsing shakily on the bed close beside him, trying to calm his breathing. He couldn't stop smiling. Every time felt just as amazing as their first time, if not more, and it was only getting better. "Imagine, when we get married we can do this whenever we want with nobody to stop us, ever." He murmured excitedly.

Castiel was breathing heavily and in a haze he hardly noticed when Dean left and came back, cleaning them both up before climbing into bed and laying beside Castiel. He tilted his head to look over at Dean. "I can't wait," he grinned breathlessly. With what little energy he had left, he picked up Dean's hand and kissed his ring. "I love you," he yawned softly, curling up and pulling the blankets over them slightly, "With all my heart," he whispered, pressing his hand flat against Dean's chest as he scooted closer. "And soul." He pressed their foreheads together, breathing one another's air as they began to breath normally.

Dean smiled softly and curled up close to Castiel, close to the warmth of his flushed skin and the blanket covering them, and kissed Castiel's lips as gently and lovingly as he could. "You're the best thing in my life," he murmured, "You are my life. I love you so much." He laced their fingers together and breathed in sync with Castiel, covering the hand on his chest with his other hand and keeping it there. Dean shivered slightly with happiness and such a pure joy that it actually startled him a little, and he closed his eyes, soft smile still on his face as he lay there with Castiel.

Castiel hummed at Dean's words, pressing their lips together softly. "I love you so much, Dean," Castiel whispered. "You're my burning star, my light at the end of the tunnel. If it wasn't for you..I'd..I'd be with Jimmy now, and I can't thank you enough for giving me a reason to live." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his chest feeling restricted as he tried to breath through the pain of the past. "You're the reason I've become who I am. You saw past the bruised loner at school and found something better that I didn't know was there. You showed me who I could be, a better me. Someone who could love, and trust and actually feel like he deserves something good without feeling guilty." Castiel doesn't remember when the tears slid silently down his cheeks but he was too far gone. He needed Dean to understand just how much he meant to him. He never wanted him to feel under appreciated. "You're incredible, Dean. You're smart and kind and loving..and you saved my life." Castiel's voice was barely a whisper as he spoke, stroking Dean's cheek tenderly. "I am truly honoured you want to spend the rest of your life with mine. I love you, Dean. So, much. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Dean held his breath as Castiel spoke, and he opened his eyes to study his face and gaze into those impossibly blue eyes, and when he closed them Dean gently traced Castiel's eyelids with a light fingertip. His finger followed the trail of a tear that escaped Castiel's closed eyelid and slid sideways towards the mattress. Dean knew how fragile Castiel was, but he'd turned into a different person right before Dean's eyes. But it wasn't so much of turning into a new person. "Cas, that person was always inside you, even if you didn't see it. But I could see it, all those months ago when you were playing your guitar, and I remember thinking that I wanted to bring it out. You were interesting and I was curious and I'm so glad I didn't give up because now you are Castiel; singer, dancer, artist, musician, son, brother, friend, boyfriend." Dean didn't know exactly how to put his thoughts into words, which was frustrating. "It's like your heart and soul were just buried under layers of pain and you just had to shed them and dig your way to the surface, you know?" Dean kissed Castiel's forehead gently and rubbed a hand soothingly up and down his side. "Cas, I love you so much. I love everything about you and there's nothing that will ever make me stop loving you."

Castiel bit his lip, resting his forehead against Dean's. He was so lucky to have someone like Dean in his life. He was his imperfect man. He was real. "Even if I grew extra toes?" Castiel asked in a teasing manner. He gave a small smile and curled in on himself, dipping his head down to hide his face. "Or was a woman?" he asked quietly. He knew how Dean used to be before they met. His attitude towards relationship were, casual to say the least and Castiel had always wondered if in an alternative universe if Castiel was a woman, if things would play out the same.

Dean laughed and kissed Castiel's cheek at the toes comment, but what happened next made him go silent. Castiel had curled up and tucked his head down as he asked that question, and Dean's heart constricted painfully. "Cas," he murmured, stroking his cheek and gently tilting up his chin so he could try to meet Castiel's eyes. He needed Cas to know this. "Cas, nothing would change the way I feel about you, not even if you were a woman. In fact, I probably wouldn't have even met you if you were a girl. I know I was a dick back then, but I would never play that prank on a girl." He kissed the tip of Castiel's nose. "I'm glad you're a guy. All the things I've done with you have been so much better than stuff I've done with girls. Believe me when I say you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Castiel felt like he was going to cry again. He bit his lip to stop tears from falling. "I love you," he whispered, leaning into Dean's touch on his face. "You mean the world to me." He scooted closer to wrap his arms around Dean and press his face into Dean's chest, listening to his heartbeat as he felt sleep pulling him down. His eyelids fluttering closed.

"You'd make a very pretty girl," Dean teased lightly, "But I prefer you the way you are." He kissed his forehead slowly and stroked Castiel's hair soothingly. Cas looked like he wanted to cry, and Dean tried to calm him down before he did. He pressed soft kisses over Castiel's face, lips lingering over his closed eyelids as Castiel's breathing slowed and he pressed his face into Dean's chest. He could feel the steady, warm breaths damp against his bare chest, and he wrapped his arm securely around Castiel and splayed his hand between Castiel's shoulderblades.

Castiel was asleep soon enough, with Dean's hand stroking tenderly through his hair.


	31. Chapter 31

When he awoke again it was early morning, the smell of bacon wafting through the house. He hummed, Dean's warm body entwined with his, it was bliss. He didn't want to get up but the smell of bacon was enticing. "Mmm," he moaned softly, stretching his relaxed limbs. "Baby, there's food," he smiled sleepily, shaking Dean a little.

"Huh?" Dean mumbled, opening his eyes and looking around in confusion. He hadn't thought they'd been asleep that long, the sex tired them out more than he thought it did. He grinned and stretched lazily, toes curling and sticking out of the edge of the blanket, and he sat up slowly at the smell of bacon. "Mm," he hummed, kissing Castiel's cheek. "Morning," he murmured. He held up his hand and looked at the new ring happily.

Castiel giggled, rubbing his nose against Dean's cheek. "It ain't going anywhere, kitten," he teased, hand sprawled across Dean's stomach. He pressed a soft kiss to Dean's lips before standing up reluctantly. "Gotta pee." He stepped out from the warmth of the covers and hopped into the bathroom still naked from last night.

Dean curled up when Castiel left, missing the warmth of his body, and enjoyed the view as Cas walked to the bathroom. He smiled to himself as he shamelessly checked out Castiel's ass as he walked to the bathroom, not hiding at all, and Dean was stunned by the graceful movements of his lithe, beautiful body. The body of a dancer.

Castiel returned a minute later. He smiled at Dean, crawling back over him. "Hey there, kitten," he purred, brushing his nose against Dean's thigh and up his stomach and chest as he moved up the bed. He made small mewing noises and staring at Dean with wide, innocent eyes.

Dean watched in amusement as Castiel came back into the bed and climbed up his body while staring at him with huge eyes and making soft little noises, and Dean shook his head and groaned. "No, don't do this now," he complained, "I'm hungry. I wanna eat." He pulled Castiel close to him and held him there, inhaling deeply the addicting scent of him.

Castiel chuckled, kissing Dean's nose and rolling away from him to put on a pair of boxers and handing Dean some too. "Let's go get some food." He dressed quickly, throwing on Dean's hoodie and a pair of jeans. He walked down the stairs, giving Dean a minute and greeted his mom who was cooking breakfast for them all. "How was the conference?" he asked, rubbing his eyes. "Good. Everything seems to be going along as planned. Crowley called. Said they've started building our new house," Katherine grinned, cooking bacon. Castiel smiled, "That's great, mom. Really. I can't wait to see it when its done."

Dean grinned when Castiel put on his hoodie, feeling warm inside at the sight of Cas wearing his clothes, and he slipped on his own clothes; a tee shirt and a comfortable, worn pair of jeans. He headed downstairs a moment after Castiel, stopping in the bathroom to make sure he looked relatively presentable, and followed his nose to the kitchen where food was cooking. "Good morning," he greeted Castiel's mom, his future mother in law. He couldn't keep the ridiculously happy smile off his face and he wondered if she already knew about their engagement, or if she was going to be just as surprised as Dean was.

Castiel smiled over at Dean as he entered the room. He stretched out his arm to take Dean's hand and lead him over to where he was standing with his mom. Katherine smiled, "Morning sweetheart. Have you been enjoying France?" Before Castiel could let Dean speak he butted in. "Mom, I have something to tell you," his tone a bundle of nerves and excitement. He took a deep breath, unable to take the bright smile away from his lips. "Mom. I proposed to Dean yesterday and..he's agreed to marry me," he said with a breathless grin, still taken back by the idea that Dean could ever want someone like him. He showed their entwined hands as proof, the silver band sparkling brightly in the morning light. Katherine looked a little taken back before almost breaking out into tears. "Sweetheart that's wonderful," she exclaimed, wrapping an arm around each of them and hugging them tightly. She took a step back and practically jumped for joy, clapping her hands together. She'd feared for Castiel. He always got the rough end of the stick and until Dean came along she had been concerned for her boy. That he'd never get his happily ever after. Now Dean had come along and changed everything. She wiped at her eyes as the threatened to leak, smiling ridiculously. "Oh, my dears. I'm so happy for you."

Dean wove his fingers through Castiel's and stood beside him, and he held his breath nervously as he waited for Mrs. Novak's reaction. Clearly, she hadn't known about it, but she seemed happy about it and Dean sighed in relief as he was pulled into her arms and he hugged both Cas and Kathy tightly, feeling like he belonged. Dean couldn't stop smiling and he laughed joyfully. When she pulled away and looked at them both with watery eyes, Dean smiled shakily, starting to get a little emotional as well, and he wrapped his arm around Castiel's waist and looked at the ring proudly. "I'm the happiest man in the world," He said, picking up Cas clumsily and spinning him around once, but he had to put him down when his ribs ached, laughing breathlessly and leaning in for a celebratory kiss instead.  
Castiel laughed as Dean twirled him round, pressing his hand to the other's chest as they kissed. Katherine smiled proudly, serving up their breakfast and placing it on the table. She grabbed for her phone and rung Crowley and put it on speaker phone in the centre of the table. "Sweetheart, I'm going to give you a little lesson in physics. I'm on the other side of the world. The sun, at this moment in time is not facing me. Thus, this little thing I like to call night time happens," Crowley growled, his voice rough with sleep. Katherine winced, "Sorry, love. I keep forgetting. I just wanted to ring you because Castiel and Dean have big news," she said, her voice light and bubbly. Castiel grinned, glad his mom clearly approved. "We're getting married," he exclaimed, sitting at the table and taking a bit of some of the bacon. Over the phone Crowley could be heard, waking Bobby and murmuring; "You owe me $200."

Dean leaned towards the phone, bouncing in excitement and stealing a piece of bacon as Castiel blurted out their news, sounding almost like an excited child, and Dean laughed happily and patted him playfully on the back before sliding his hand down Castiel's arm and squeezing his fingers. There was a muffled exclamation and then Bobby's gruff voice came on the phone. "Boys, I am so proud. And I owe my husband $200, but I'm happy. Cas, no offense but I didn't think you'd do it. I put my money on Dean." Dean grinned and kissed Castiel's cheek. "I was going to ask him," Dean protested defensively, "But he beat me to it."

Dean laughed around a mouthful of food as the call ended with a click and he hugged Kathy again, leaning up into her warm embrace happily. "Me too," he agreed softly. It was really good to see Castiel so happy, bright as he ever was if not more, especially after everything that had happened recently. He reached over and squeezed Castiel's bacon-greasy hand, smiling at him emotionally. "You look better when you smile," he told him gently, "And I'm going to make it my mission to get you to do it more."

Castiel smiled sweetly, a soft chuckle forming low in his throat. "And you say you're not a ball of fluff," Castiel smirked, poking his tongue out a little before munching on the rest of his bacon slice. Katherine quickly ate, sorting through her e-mails via her phone as she rushed around and got ready for work. "I can't wait to hear all about it, Cassie. I'm sure it's a heart warming tale," she smiled, putting down her fork and picking up her suit jacket and kissing both of the boys on the forehead. "I'll be back late tonight. Have fun," she smiled, walking out the room and off to work. Castiel smiled, leaning into Dean and letting out a sigh in relief. "I'm so glad she's okay with it. I think at least some of our family should. It'll make John easier to tolerate if it's just him who has an issue and not everyone riding our back."

Dean nodded in agreement, slowly chewing another bite of bacon. "Yeah, she seems really happy about it, actually. I just..." He sighed wistfully. "I'm sure Sam's cool with it, he has such a huge girl-crush on you it's not even funny. The kid fucking loves you." He grinned as he thought of Sammy's proud, pleased expression whenever Cas was mentioned. "But I don't know about my dad, he's kinda on the fence about this. About us, I mean. I don't know how he's gonna react when we tell him. What about your family? Your dad, brothers...?"

Castiel chuckled, taking what bacon was left from Dean's hand and dunked it in brown sauce before taking a bite. "I understand, kitten. I think maybe we shouldn't tell him until after we graduate. By then he might be more accepting of us. The news might not come as quite a shock once he knows we'll last." He finished the bacon slice and sucked his greasy fingers individually, humming at the taste. He shook his head, removing his finger slowly as he went to speak. "My father and brothers are dead to me," Castiel said gravely. "They won't come to the wedding and I don't want them their either. It'll only ruin things. As long as Michael comes I don't care how much the others know."

Dean leaned on the table, propping his chin up with his hand, and turned to face Castiel fully. He watched as Castiel sucked the remnants of the food off each long, artistic finger, and he had to swallow and look away before he molested Castiel or something. "Yeah. I think Dad needs some more time to get used to us being together. I don't think he's taking us very seriously, we need to prove to him that we can last another year before we get married." He paused as he considered the second thing Cas said. "I have to say I agree with that. Michael's cool, though." Dean wished it wasn't like this. He wished their familes were normal and caring and loving, and he wished Jimmy was still alive.

Castiel gave a soft sigh, he looked over at Dean with doubt. His lower lip being thoroughly chewed between his teeth. "When we marry..." He stopped, chewing on a piece of toast to give a short pause in order to work up the courage to continue his train of thought. He swallowed thickly, looking down at the table in fear of Dean's expression when he asked the world of him. "I want to visit Jimmy. On our wedding day. I want to make it seem like he's not completely gone and missing the best day of my life. I just want to feel, for one day, like everything hasn't gone wrong." Castiel risked looking up at Dean, his eyes almost lost and unable to focus on Dean as tears welled in his eyes but refused to fall. He closed his eyes, tears escaping freely as he concealed his emotional state behind closed lids.

Dean looked into Castiel's eyes earnestly, encouraging him to say what he was thinking. He rubbed his hand reassuringly and stayed silent, waiting for Cas to speak. "Cas, everything hasn't gone wrong." He argued gently, taking both of Castiel's hands in his own. "You're alive. I'm alive. We're together. We're in love, and we're getting married." He gently kissed Castiel's knuckles and continued, "We'll go visit him, then. And you can tell him anything you want." Dean saw the tears begin to fall from Castiel's eyes, and he bit his lip and pulled Castiel close against his chest, wrapping gentle arms around him. "Shhh," he soothed, "Oh, Cas. Please don't cry, I'm here, I've got you." He murmured these words against Castiel's temple and stroked his hair gently, letting him cry into his shoulder.

Castiel felt Dean pull his close and that made it worse. He was so loving and gentle it made Castiel feel comfortable about making himself vulnerable and exposed and he couldn't help but let out a low sob. "I'm sorry. I just miss him, so much," he whispered, worried if he spoke any louder choked sobs would escape him again. Chest constricting, he took big gulps of air to try and keep afloat. "I miss telling him about my day. I miss the fact that I will never be able to tell him about the best thing that ever happened to me. He never got to see like this, Dean. All happy and warm. He prayed for me. Every night. And before I'd leave he'd tell me statistically there was someone out there for me, just waiting to be found. And he'll never get to know just how right he was."

Dean swallowed hard and bit his lip as he rubbed Castiel's back in slow, soothing circles. "I know," he murmured into Castiel's hair. "Cas, it's okay. You don't have to apologize for missing him, that's normal. This is normal. He loved you, Cas, and you can still tell him things. Just because he's no longer with us doesn't mean you can't talk to him." He kissed Castiel's ear. "I'm so sorry, baby. I wish he could be here to see you right now. I wish he'd stayed, I never really got a chance to get to know him." Dean held Cas and let him cry, feeling helpless. He wished there was some way to resurrect the dead and bring Jimmy back to Castiel, but there was nothing he could do, and he felt kind of useless at the moment. All he could do was be there for Cas and support him before he crumbled, and if he collapsed then Dean would be there to put him back together again.

Castiel sniffed, rubbing at his eyes, his knuckles brushing against Dean's damp shirt as he did so. "I'm sorry you're suck," Castiel sighed, pressing his ear against Dean's chest so he could listen to his heartbeat. "It's hard. You didn't know him and he was the closest thing I had and I can't make you understand what that's like because you weren't there." Castiel sighed in annoyance. "It's like Sammy, only he's not Sammy. He's Danny. Stuck in someone else's mind, something that drove him to be different from what he once was. You can't see him everyday. You can't hug your own brother, kiss him, hold him close under a pillow fort because he's not normal..and it tears you up inside because there's ain't a damn thing you can do to make things better."

Dean clenched his jaw and just held Castiel, fingers carding through his hair as he cradled his head gently against his chest. "I don't understand," he said softly, "and I don't know exactly how you're feeling right now because I'm not you and I can't read your mind, but you don't need to hide anything from me. I'm not going to think any differently of you even if I can't understand how you feel about this, but please talk to me, Cas. Anytime you need to, just tell me things. It's not healthy to keep it all bottled up inside." He paused and pressed a gentle kiss to Castiel's forehead, tracing the frown lines on his skin until they smoothed out. "I can't guarantee that I'll be able to answer, but I'm a damn good listener." He continued to trail his fingers through Castiel's hair and fell silent.

Castiel swallowed thickly, looking up at Dean with tear filled eyes. "I'd never hugged Jimmy before," he admitted quietly. "The first time I embraced my own brother was his broken body, lifeless and cold." Castiel let out a sharp exhale. "It's so hard, Dean. You couldn't touch him. He'd cry for 40 minutes if you so much as brushed hands with him. I mean, if he initiates something, great but it can only be on his own terms and he doesn't like it. It's really sad and I just wish that sometimes he could have been better. Someone who could help me fight against the other brothers."

Dean's mouth dropped open briefly in shock, but he quickly closed it and tried to stay strong for Cas. He'd never hugged his own brother. His twin brother, the only brother besides Michael who loved Castiel unconditionally. Dean rested his hand on the back of Castiel's neck, a comforting, simple gesture to keep him grounded and calm. "You were good to him," Dean told Cas, "I only saw you two together for barely an hour, but you were good to him. And he clearly loved you. I think... I think your way of showing affection is more physical while his was more... symbolic." Dean remembered the picture Jimmy had drawn of Kathy, the guitar playing, and the music box he'd given to Cas. He looked at Cas carefully, aware that he was dealing with a very sensitive topic and he didn't want to say anything without thinking that could shatter Castiel.

Castiel gave a small smile, remembering the simple things that Dean had described that made Jimmy special. "I guess you're right," he sniffed. "I just wish he hadn't left me so soon," Castiel whispered, pressing a thumb to Dean's freckled cheek as he tried to count them but failed miserably. Again. He would never be able to know how Jimmy did it. He guessed that's just what made him special.

"I wish I could've gotten to know him better," Dean added regretfully. He wondered if Castiel would associate him with Jimmy's suicide. It had happened on the very day that he brought Dean to visit him at the hospital, and Dean couldn't quite shake the feeling that it might not have been a coincidence. He shivered slightly at the thought as guilt flooded through his mind, and tried to think about something else. He watched as Castiel's eyes tracked over his face, eyes hard with concentration, and he tried to hold still. Castiel was studying him so intensely, and then Dean realized. He was trying to count his freckles, just like Jimmy had on their first meeting. "46," he whispered, "Jimmy counted 46."

Castiel snapped out of his concentration, looking up at Dean curiously. "You remembered," he said, a small sad smile playing at his lips. Most people would have just written it off as something people in mad houses say. But not Dean, he'd listened. Actually listened to what Jimmy was saying and cared and Castiel felt his heart melt. He pressed his lips to Dean's, keeping them their for a long time as his hands held Dean's head delicately.

Dean smiled against Castiel's lips even though he could taste the salt of his tears, and kissed him back just as gently and tenderly, hands coming up to circle Castiel's wrists. When they eventually pulled apart at the same time, staying close, Dean murmured. "I'm glad he told me. I've been trying to figure out how many there are for years," he joked lightly, trying to cheer Cas up a little.

Castiel let out a soft chuckle, dipping his head and resting it against Dean's chest. "I love you," he murmured, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around Dean's middle. Dean always knew how to cheer him up and he was grateful for it. "I'm glad I still have you."

"Me too," Dean whispered, realizing how close Castiel had come to losing him, and he understood just how much he meant to Castiel. So much that it was a little overwhelming, but Castiel meant the same to him so he could understand. "I'm not going anywhere," he promised.

"I love you," he said again, pressing his lips to Dean's cheek before leaning his chin against Dean's shoulder and hugging him tightly. "Dean..will you tell me about your mom?" he asked quietly, He'd always been curious but could never find an appropriate time to ask. He wanted to know what happened. Learn about a side of Dean's life that they'd never explored before.

Dean hugged Castiel back and they held each other for a long moment, and he took a deep breath and nodded at Castiel's question, backing away to meet his eyes. "Yeah." He stood up and took their plates to put them in the sink and clean up the kitchen a little, just something to keep his hands from shaking. He hated himself for it, but he was scared. He'd tried to repress memories of his mother, and this would be the first time he'd actually spoken about her in many years. He turned around and faced Cas, tilting his head in the direction of the living room. "Wanna go sit down on the couch?" He suggested, leading Castiel into the other room. Once they were both seated, Dean looked down at his hands thoughtfully. "What do you want to know?" He asked quietly, finding it easier to answer questions about her than to just start talking. Where would he start, anyway? There was so much to tell.

Castiel followed Dean into the other sat on the couch with him. He rested his hand in the other's hair, stroking it gently whilst his other hand remained over Dean's hands in could tell this was a hard subject for him. They hadn't brought it up since Castiel had played 'Hey Jude'. "What did she look like?" Castiel asked, starting with something simple and nice to ease Dean into talking about her. He wanted Dean to be able to talk about her. If he could do that then they could talk about anything. They could confide in one another and feel safe and better for doing so.

Dean squeezed Castiel's hand, grateful for the easy question. "Her name was Mary. She was beautiful," he murmured thoughtfully, the image of his mother's face glowing dimly in his mind. "Blond hair, green eyes like me... she wasn't very tall compared to Dad, kind of on the petite side..." he trailed off and pulled his wallet out of his pocket and reached into the back compartment where he kept his favorite picture of her. He took it out and gazed at it for a moment. In the photo, she was smiling, laugh lines around her eyes and mouth, and holding a two-year old Dean in her arms. They were standing on a cold beach, the sky overcast and the water steel gray behind them. Wind blew Mary's hair around wildly, and although the weather was bleak and dreary, she was the brightest thing in the scene, lighting up that cold beach like the sun. Dean sighed and snapped out of his daydream to hand the picture over to Cas silently. After a moment, he spoke. "I was two," he explained, "That's me. Dad took the picture, this was before Sam was born. We were on vacation in Cape Cod in the fall."

Castiel watched as Dean smiled sadly at past memories, gazing at the photo like it was the only thing he had to keep her memory alive. He handle it with care when he was handed it. The corners a little tatty from where Dean had looked at it often and the ink discoloured slightly over time. Castiel smiled brightly, she was so beautiful and happy and the fact she was gone made Castiel sighed softly. "She looks just like you," he remarked with a gentle smile. He handed the photo back and kissed Dean's cheek. "So..what happened?" he asked gently, hoping Dean knew what he meant.

Dean took the photo back and stowed it away carefully in his wallet. "She got really sick," he murmured, leaning into Castiel's side and pulling his knees up to his chest. This was the hard part, the part he didn't like talking about. "I was only 5 years old when she started having problems. Sammy was 1. I didn't understand what was happening, just that it was really bad and Mom had to go to the hospital a lot, and she looked tired and sad all the time." Dean paused to take a deep breath and press his hands to his eyes until they stung, trying to keep himself together. "When I was old enough to understand, Dad told me she had a brain tumor and they didn't think it would be a problem at first, but then she started getting headaches and feeling sick all the time. I remember Dad telling me and Sammy to be quiet all the time and not wake her up because she didn't feel well... and I remember being really scared and confused. Dad would take us to the park for hours to get us out of the house so she could get some rest, but it was never fun because Dad didn't look happy even though he tried to pretend." He had to stop and take a deep, shuddering breath as tears began to fall slowly from his eyes, and he tried counting to ten in his head to keep himself composed.

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean, keeping him safe as he poured his heart out. He pressed tender kisses every so often to his temple and wiped his tears away with the pad of his thumb. "Honey, it's okay. Take your time," he crooned, rubbing his hand gently down Dean's side to comfort him. Castiel felt like crying as he listened to Dean's story but forced himself to stay strong for his Dean. He bit his lip as he listened, pressing his forehead against Dean's temple. His next question was one that he did not wish to ask but he wanted to know. Needed to know if he was ever going to be deeply involved with Dean. "How long was she ill for?" he asked quietly.

Dean let out a choked sob, clinging helplessly to Castiel's shirt. His chest ached and his throat was too tight to speak. He could barely breathe, but Castiel's arms around him and the soft little kisses against his temple eventually brought him back to the surface and he managed to calm down enough to talk. "She was sick for two years," Dean whispered, "It was really slow. Sometimes she'd be fine, like.. like nothing was wrong, but then, once everyone thought she was getting better it would just get worse." He sniffled quietly and trembled a little. "She was trying so many different kinds of treatments, and some of them worked for a little while but eventually nothing helped and then she just got worse." Dean buried his face in Castiel's chest, clinging to his own hoodie on Castiel's body, and cried silently, Castiel's arms the only thing keeping him from losing it completely.

Castiel bit his lip, pressing his lips to the corner of Dean's mouth. "Honey, look at me," he called gently, tilting Dean's head up to meet his eyes. "I know it must have been tough but your mom sounds like a really fighter," Castiel whispered, rubbing his hand soothingly down Dean's arm. "She kept finding a reason to live but that's just not the way it works sometimes. But you've got to stay positive, baby. She didn't give up hope and neither should you." He pressed his lips to Dean's temple again. "It'll be okay, honey."

It was hard for Dean to meet Castiel's eyes when he was feeling this raw and vulnerable, but he did it anyway, entranced by Castiel's eyes and drinking in every word he said. But Dean wasn't finished yet. "I was seven when she died. I didn't understand what death was, Cas." He inhaled loudly, almost choking on a sob, and forced out in a shaky voice, "One day she came into my room when I was pretending to be asleep and she laid down on the bed next to me and held me, and I didn't know why but she started crying. I'd never seen her cry before and I was really scared and she told me that she was going to go away and we'd never see each other again. That... that w-was before she got too sick to get out of bed. She.. she spent the last two weeks of her life in the hospital and didn't let me or Sam come see her. Dad told me it was because she wanted m-me to remember her p-positively and not see her wasting away in the hospital."

Castiel sighed, "Oh, Dean." He remembered a time when he thought Dean as the most popular boy at school. No problems, got everything he wanted. Cars, girls, freedom. It wasn't until now Castiel realized just how wrong he'd been. "Honey, I'm sorry," he whispered, pressing his lips to Dean's cheek, wiping away his tears as he hummed to him softly, avoiding 'Hey Jude' like the plague.

Dean sobbed shakily and buried his face in Castiel's neck. "The last time I heard her voice... she was singing to me. Singing me to sleep. The song was 'Hey Jude'. When I woke up in the morning the next day, she was gone and I never saw her again.":He inhaled deeply, trying to get his breathing to even out, but he was already too far gone and he couldn't stop crying. "Shit, I'm sorry, Cas." he muttered, wiping his eyes pointlessly. "You have enough stuff to deal with, you didn't need this. I'm sorry."

Castiel nodded, holding Dean close. Now it all made sense and it made his heart sink. "Honey, I love you. We're a team now. We should know this stuff about each other. It's what makes us stronger, kitten," he whispered, keeping his lips close to Dean's ear. "If you ever have a day where you think of her and get really sad just come find me, where ever I might be, and I'll just hold you through it, I promise."

Dean felt strange. He felt lightheaded and weightless, and he sagged weakly against Castiel and tried to process what had just happened. He never talked about his mom. This was the first time he'd told anyone about her, and he felt different. As if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. "Thank you," he breathed, pressing his lips to Castiel's neck in gratitude. "I miss her so much..." he sobbed quietly, clinging closer to Castiel.

Castiel sighed sadly, "I know, honey. I know. Just keep talking to me. You'll be okay, we'll be okay" He pressed his lips to Dean's, holding him close. "we can visit her too., if you want," Castiel offered softly, stroking hihs hand up and down Dean's side.

"At her funeral, Sammy wouldn't stop crying. He... I guess he just didn't understand why she wasn't there to hold him and make him feel better. I didn't really understand it either, but I didn't cry. I held Sammy the entire time and told him everything would be okay. Dad just... he was there, but he wasn't really present, you know?" Dean leaned into Castiel's warm body and tried to breathe deeply and evenly to calm himself down. "He started drinking then, and he didn't stop. He took care of me and Sammy but he wasn't a good father anymore."

Castiel held Dean tightly, sighing unhappily. "I'm sorry, kitten." He just kept quiet, holding Dean as he stopped shaking and calmed down. "You're both amazing boys, you don't need him. You did an amazing job taking care of Sammy and I'm so proud of you."

Dean huffed a humorless laugh. "Sometimes I really feel like I'm the kid's dad." he muttered, and then fell silent as he finally stopped crying enough to breathe normally. Dean was strong, he knew that from experience, but there were times when he just broke down. He tried to keep it in, but with Castiel it was different. Cas wasn't judging him or seeing him as weak. "I love you," he sighed tiredly.

Castiel stoked Dean hair soothingly, pressing a soft kiss against his temple. "I love you too," he murmured, keeping Dean close. "What do you want to do today?" he asked gently, pulling away from Dean slightly to look at him.

Dean sighed in relief that the conversation was over, playing with Castiel's fingers absently. "Mm, I don't know," he murmured, staying close and tucking his head under Castiel's chin. He kissed Castiel's collarbone, which was revealed by the loose neckline of the old hoodie. "You decide," he said with a small smile, feeling a lot better now that he'd gotten that off his chest.

Castiel sighed, playing with Dean's fingers too. "I don't mind, kitten. We've got three days left. What do you want to do. We can stay in if it's been too much and you need a rest?" he offered, remembering how tired Dean got when they were at Disneyland.

Dean closed his eyes thoughtfully. He was pretty tired, and he didn't want to be completely worn out by the end of the week. "I think... I think I could use a rest," he said slowly, "But how about tonight we cook dinner for your mom? Something fancy and French?"

Castiel grinned, kissing Dean's temple. "Okay, kitten. That sounds great." He stood up carefully and went upstairs and brought down their duvet and blankets and placed them on the floor in front of Dean and smiled. "Let's make a fort."

"Seriously?" Dean asked, grinning and getting up off the couch, stretching his arms above his head. "What are you, five?" He teased affectionately, even as he picked up the duvet and looked around the room for possible things to drape it over. It was a perfect day for it, overcast and cool outside and nice and cozy inside.

Castiel smirked, it was the perfect thing to make Dean feel better. Something silly and fun to keep him in good spirits. He pulled the chairs from the kitchen through an began hanging the duvet over it and the back of the couch. "It can be our secret tunnel," he smiled. "Where nothing bad happens and we share secrets and have skittles" Castiel was so pleased with himself for this idea. He placed the blanket on the floor underneath the duvet and set the pillows across the back of the couch so they could lean against it comfortably.

Dean grabbed another blanket to wrap around themselves and he crawled into the tunnel with Castiel. He wiped his tears away and smiled warmly as he snuggled up close to Cas. "I feel like a little kid," he muttered in mock annoyance, even though he couldn't stop smiling. He kissed Castiel's cheek. "You're amazing," he told him, "Do you know that?"

"I've been told," he teased, giggling as he shifted closer to Dean and held him close under the blanket. He sighed happily, leaning his head against Dean's shoulder. "This is nice," he hummed. He was just happy he'd been able to make Dean feel better.

Dean shoved him lightly and then laid back, leaning against him and sighing deeply. "This is actually pretty nice," he agreed, curling up comfortably. It was cozy and safe in here, just him and Cas, and it temporarily blocked out the world. He kissed Castiel's forehead and stroked his fingers through his hair lightly.

"I love you," Castiel murmured, leaning into Dean's touch and sighing audibly. "With all my heart." He closed his eyes and wrapped his arm around Dean to drape across his front and let his hand rest on his hip loosely.

Dean slid his arm around Castiel's waist and rested his head on top of Castiel's, their bodies curling together loosely under the blankets in the dim fort. "So, about this wedding," Dean began with a small smile, wanting to think about something nice. "When do you think we should start searching for your dress? I've heard the best time to buy them is the winter. They always go on sale then, we can be sure to find you something nice." He poked Castiel's cheek with his nose teasingly.

Castiel laughed, the sound vibrating low in his chest. "Hey, mister," Castiel teased, poking Dean back where he could reach. "You still owe me a dress from prom. If anything you should be paintin' the town red," Castiel grinned. He laughed a little more, remembering fond memories of when they first got it together out in the cabin. It seemed like such a long time ago.

"Prom," Dean said dreamily, "That was a pretty interesting night." He tilted his head to the side and kissed Castiel deeply. "Remember when we first kissed?" He whispered, kissing Castiel again for a long, lingering moment. "Hey, next year we should actually go to the dance at school. We're not hiding anymore,"

Castiel leaned up as Dean kissed him, his hand reaching up to cup his cheek. "I remember it clearly," Castiel smiled. "We were slow dancing in the cabin. For a moment everything went still and we stared into one another's eyes. I got nervous and panicked. I moved away and buried my face in your neck. Then you said four little words that changed our lives forever." Castiel kissed Dean between each of the four words, "Can. I. Kiss. You."

Dean smiled against Castiel's lips, his heart skipping a beat with each kiss. "I was terrified," Dean admitted, "I mean, we were slow dancing and I'd already kind of realized I liked you at that point, so I was having this huge gay crisis and you were right there and I couldn't stop thinking about what it would feel like to kiss you." He looked at Castiel's lips and traced them carefully with his fingertip. "I almost chickened out. I'm really glad I didn't, though." He kissed Castiel again, soft and slow. "There was just this... tension between us and it seemed like the right thing to do."

Castiel smiled at Dean's words. "I'm glad you did too." He looked up at Dean with a soft grin. "I remember being so scared. For the first time in my life I was exposed completely. Scars and all.. and I didn't know what to do but go along for the ride. You held me in your arms and kissed away the pain. I've dreamt of prom and the perfect man in many ways, Dean. But you outshone them all."

Dean melted at Castiel's words and hugged him close, overwhelmed with love for him. "I remember for the first few days I couldn't really believe it," he said thoughtfully, "Because I'd never been interested in a guy before. You were... I don't know. You were different, interesting. I could just tell that there was something special about you. Damn, I was drawn to you like a magnet. And I've been addicted to you ever since."

Castiel grinned, "I thought you were the most intelligent, most beautiful guy I'd ever seen. It took me a while to accept that someone like you would really want to be with me." He sighed, kissing Dean again. "I just..I'm so lucky to have you in my life, Dean. I wouldn't know what I'd do without you."

Hearing this made a thrilled shiver travel through Dean's body, and he smiled in amazement at the compliments. "That's funny because it took me a while to accept it, too. I liked you for a while without even acknowledging it and then I was in denial, and then we were dancing together and I couldn't deny it any longer. I'm crazy about you," he nuzzled Castiel's jaw, rubbing his nose along the hard line of Castiel's jawline.

Castiel sighed, tangling his fingers into Dean's brown hair. "The feelings mutual," Castiel smirked. He tilted his head to the side to kiss Dean's forehead. He closed his eyes and inhaled Dean's sweet scent. "You're my world, Dean Winchester," Castiel sighed happily. "I'm just so happy to have you here, with me."

Dean smiled happily and closed his eyes, humming softly in contentment. "Hey, Cas...?" He asked hesitantly, "What if I was a girl? Because... I know you're gay but would you make an exception for me, if I was a girl?" Dean was curious, and he really wanted to understand his own sexuality. Because Dean didn't feel this way about anyone else, male or female. It was only Cas, and he'd looked at guys and recognized their good looks before but never felt attracted to anyone besides Cas.

Castiel considered it for a moment. "I don't know," he replied honestly. "When we first met..You were a dick. You hurt people, including me and..I guess I was more lenient because I found you so handsome. Maybe we would have gotten there if you were a girl. But if you were still a dick I don't think I'd have been so lenient with your requests because I'm not attracted to girls" Castiel was silent for a moment. "That being said, considering you're so persistent. I think I'd have caved eventually and we would have gotten to know each other for who we truly are...I just think it would have taken longer. I'm attracted to guys initially but if I were to be emotionally invested with a girl I think I could learn to see her the way I do guys..it would just take more time."

Dean grimaced slightly as he remembered how much of an ass he'd been when they'd met. He'd never stop feeling guilty about hurting Castiel, but in the long run that was what brought them together and Dean couldn't be more thankful for that. "I probably would've been a lot more flirty and persistent if I were a girl," Dean said with a small teasing smile, "Even you would've found me irresistible." He kissed Castiel's temple and lingered there for a long moment, fingers carding through his hair slowly. "I don't know, man. I've never been attracted to guys before and then I suddenly was. It didn't make sense to me because I'd always liked girls, but I guess anything can happen, right?"

Castiel sighed, leaning into Dean's touch. "I don't think it's gender, Dean. You got to know me and you fell in love with me, not my outer shell as it were." He pressed a kiss to Dean's jaw where he could reach. "It doesn't matter. We're together. That's the important thing." He kissed Dean's engagement ring and giggled giddily.

Dean smiled. Castiel understood. They had each other and that was all that mattered. "Yeah, well I fell in love with your outer shell not long after I fell in love with you." He leaned into Castiel's kiss to his jaw and slid a hand over Castiel's waist, fingers splaying out over his side and pressing lightly. "I'm so glad you're mine," he whispered, watching as Castiel kissed the engagement ring, and he shivered in excitement. "Dude, we're fucking engaged," he said for the millionth time, but he couldn't get it out of his head.

Castiel laughed, kissing Dean's passionately. His hand playing with the other's jaw before snaking upwards into his hair. "Yes, we are," Castiel smirked, kissing Dean again. He was so giddy and full of energy. He couldn't wait to tell Sam. Although he knew. He could wait to make it official. He'd have another brother. One that actually cared for him. One, besides Jimmy, that he'd always dreamed of having.

Dean hummed happily when Cas stroked his hair and kissed him, tongues sliding together deliciously. "Do you think we should call Sam and Michael?" Dean asked, grinning as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and offered it to Cas questioningly.

Castiel bit his lip, lowering Dean hand so the phone rested on the floor. "They know, love," he said quietly. He pressed his lips to Dean's again and sat in his lap to look at Dean better as he cupped his cheek.

Dean's jaw dropped in disbelief. "They already know? Michael, I get. But Sam?" He poked Castiel in the stomach and rested his palms on Castiel's thighs, arching closer to him so their faces were barely inches apart. "How'd you pull that off, you little sneak?" He said, a slow grin spreading across his face.

Castiel smiled sadly, shuffling closer so he sat properly in Dean's lap with his legs on either side of him. "You were in the hospital. In and out of conciousness. Sam..he was a wreck. I tried to keep it together for him. I mean..no one wants to see their loved ones like that but I guess I was used to seeing that kinda stuff." Castiel sighed, kissing Dean softly and holding his face in his hands. "Anyway, I told him what I had planned. The trip to Paris, the city all lit up at night behind us. Everything, just to give him something warm and happy to cling to. To know that once you got better things would be better too. For all of us."

Dean looked down at his hands, which were smoothing down the wrinkles in his hoodie on Castiel's stomach and chest absently, and he slid his hands around so they clasped behind Castiel's back, and he rested their foreheads together. "Cas, you're an angel." Dean murmured lovingly, "I'm so glad I got better. Things are going back to normal and I still have you." He knew he was extremely lucky to be alive and not disabled permanently, because the chances of his life going back to normal had been slim.

Castiel smiled, pressing a needy kiss to Dean's mouth. "I don't want things to go back to normal," he said with a shake of his head. "I want them to get better," he insisted with another kiss. His life wasn't exactly the best to begin with and with Dean by his side he had a chance to change that. To start a new and create a better life for him and Dean.

Dean whined in frustration as Castiel kissed him persistently, and he leaned into it, arching forward and trailing his hands up Castiel's thighs until he reached his hips, and he tugged Castiel closer by the beltloops of his pants. "Things are going to get better," he promised, "Things already are better." He kissed Castiel's jaw and chin and worked his way down his neck slowly.

Castiel sighed, moving his head to expose his neck better. "You always know just what to say," Castiel sighed, his hand resting comfortably in Dean's hair and the other stroking up and down his back unsure where to put it.

"Mm." Dean hummed, kissing at Castiel's neck and jaw before moving back to his mouth and kissing him, long and deep. "Funny, I never was good with words," he replied, taking Castiel's wandering hand and holding it against his chest as he intertwined their fingers slowly.

Castiel smiled, looking down at their hands, the ring standing out brightly amongst their skin. He looked back up at Dean and kissed his nose. "I love you so much," he murmured, kissing Dean again. He rolled his hips against Dean's slightly as he readjusted himself so he was comfy in Dean's lap.

Dean hissed quietly when Cas shifted against him, warm and heavy on Dean's lap. "When's your mom coming home?" He whispered against Castiel's jaw, not even sure what he wanted. He wanted to hold Cas and fall asleep in his arms, he wanted to make out with him, he wanted to just sit here and talk to him... He wanted everything, he wanted all of Cas at the same time.

Castiel shrugged, "Not until late." His mom was representing Crowley on one of hi business deal so he guessed it required a hell off a lot of work on her part. "Don't worry about it, honey. We have the house to ourselves for a while yet," he murmured, kissing Dean briefly and playing with his fingers in between their chests.

Dean hummed softly and trailed his lips across Castiel's jaw before pulling back a little and grabbing Castiel's hair at the back of his head and just keeping his hand there. He met Castiel's eyes. "'Okay," he murmured, "That gives us hours. What do you wanna do?" He asked, content to just be here with Cas.

Castiel shrugged softly, "Whatever you want, kitten." He pressed his lips to Dean's collarbone which poked out slight under his shirt. He darted his tongue out a licked along the groove before sucking gently. It was something done heartedly. Nothing heated, just working his way lazily over the skin of Dean's neck.

Dean moaned quietly, eyes fluttering closed and a smile on his face as Castiel's mouth found his collarbone. "Mm, looks like you've already decided what we're doing," he murmured, hands roaming over Castiel's back and sliding underneath the hoodie to rest on his warm skin as he tilted his head back so Cas could reach better.

Castiel chuckled, shrugging off Dean's hoodie so he could present himself to Dean. His lips returning to the other's neck as his fingers fumbled with the hem of Dean's shirt as he pulled it off. He moved back a bit just to look at Dean and smiled softly, brushing his nose against Dean's collarbone and inhaling deeply. The scent stronger tan that on the hoodie. He pressed a light kiss to his shoulder before resting his chin there. "I'm open to suggestions," he murmured.

Dean sighed dramatically and smirked. "Ah, it's okay. I guess I can put up with this." He rested his hands on Castiel's waist, thumbs wandering under the waistband of Castiel's pants. He giggled at the feeling of Castiel's breath ghosting across his chest, warm and damp as Castiel sniffed him. "I haven't showered yet," he reminded Cas teasingly as he traced Castiel's spine with his fingertips and rested his hand in Castiel's hair, tilting his head to the side to kiss just below his ear.

Castiel pouted, "I don't care. By the time I'm done with you, you'll be dirty again anyway." He pressed his lips to Dean's jaw, nudging his nose against his cheek before moving away completely and lying on the floor and looking up at Dean with bright innocent eyes. His hands above his head and his body angled inwards towards Dean.

Dean laughed softly and looked down at Castiel. With Castiel's arms raised like this, his scars were in clear view, and Dean's heart fluttered. Castiel was so trusting, revealing himself like this, and it only made him more beautiful. Castiel's eyes were wide and bright and Dean chuckled slightly. "Jesus, those eyes," he muttered, smiling affectionately, and simply looked at Castiel for a moment before leaning down and pressing his lips to Castiel's chest, right in the middle of his torso.

Castiel giggled giddily. The way Dean treated him, he forgot he was broken sometimes. His scars were a part of him now and not a deformity. He wriggled underneath Dean until he was sat up on his elbows. "You, Dean Winchester, are a tease," he smirked, moving to lie on his front, exposing the smooth curve of his back. He stretched out like a cat and practically moaned as he stretched out in front of Dean.

Dean rose his eyebrows challengingly. "_I'm_ the tease?" He retorted, moving back a little to give Castiel room to turn over. He watched the muscles glide smoothly under Castiel's skin as he stretched, all hard lines and smooth angles, each muscle defined from hours of dancing. Dean placed his hand at the base of Castiel's spine and slid his fingers up over the smooth curve of Castiel's back. He leaned closer and pressed a trail of soft kisses over Castiel's skin. "You, Castiel Novak, are fucking gorgeous."

Castiel bit his lip as Dean worked his hands and lips over hi back. He let out a shaky breath as he clutched at the blankets, forcing himself to stay still. He eventually gave into temptation and turned over to look up at Dean with a breathless grin. "Castiel Winchester," he corrected with a smirk.

Dean watched in satisfaction as Castiel gripped the blankets and tensed as Dean kissed his back and shoulders, and he was startled when Cas suddenly rolled over and looked up at him and spoke. He stared for a moment and then grinned widely. "Or Dean Novak," he suggested with an answering smirk. "They both sound pretty awesome."

Castiel reached out for Dean's fingers and played with them hook his head softly, "No. I don't want my children to be Novak's. I want them to be like you and Sammy. Kind and caring, Winchester's." He smiled softly at the thought and sighed happily, looking up at Dean with warm eyes.

Dean smiled softly as a warm feeling grew in his chest, and he pressed Castiel's hand against his cheek and gazed down at him. "But you're a Novak," he argued, "You're the most kind and caring person I can think of. We're equals, Cas. I can't just let you give up your name." He kissed Castiel's nose gently.

Castiel shook his head. "It's not who I am. I am a Novak by name, not by blood. Jimmy and I both." He didn't want to be associated with his family anymore. The only people he had left were his mom and Michael and he didn't need to keep their name for them to still love him. "I want baby Winchester's not Novak's," Castiel whined with a bit of a grin.

Dean looked at Castiel for a moment before sighing and giving in. "Fine," he muttered affectionately, "Castiel Winchester." It was going to take him some time to get used to, but the idea of it made him tremble with excitement. "But I'm going to let you name our first kid." The fact that they were even talking about this made Dean giddy, and he imagined their bright future with hope.

Castiel was thoughtful for a moment, he knew exactly what they'd call their first kid and the fact Dean wanted this too made him all the more excited. "If it's a boy, Jimmy," Castiel said straight of the top. He wanted to honour his brother by naming his son after him. He looked up at Dean with bright, honest eyes. "And if it's a girl. I'd be honoured if you'd let me call her Mary."

Dean's smile softened and his eyes burned with emotion. He nodded, throat too tight to form words, and buried his face in Castiel's neck. "That would be perfect," Dean murmured. They'd both lost people close to them and had their hearts broken, and the fact that Cas wanted to name their children after them was beautiful and perfect. "If we have a second baby, I'd like to name her Hope," Dean murmured, the thought just having occurred to him. Hope was the thing that had kept them together all this time, despite the world trying to tear them apart.

Castiel grinned breathlessly. "That would be perfect," Castiel sniffed, on the verge of tears. They were so sappy and hopelessly sentimental but he didn't care. It was beautiful and something to keep close for a better future. He tilted his head to kiss Dean deeply, wrapping his arms around his neck and keeping him close. "And with Amber we'd be be like a real stereotypical family," he grinned.

Dean grinned and cleared his throat as his voice cracked. "Yeah." He agreed roughly when they pulled apart a few inches after kissing, but he still stayed close. "Sam would be an uncle. Haha, Uncle Sam," He giggled helplessly against Castiel's bare chest and relaxed against him, feeling happier and more comfortable right here than he did anywhere else on the planet. "So, what would our kids call us? Daddy and Papa or something?"

Castiel smiled warmly as Dean chuckled over Sam's name. He had a feeling that would never get old. He laughed warmly with him and held him tight. "You'd suit being a daddy," Castiel smiled. He remembered the way he helped that little girl in Disneyland and couldn't help but smile.

Dean grinned and hugged Castiel close to him, kissing whatever skin he could reach. "Do you think they'd pick a favorite dad?" He teased, tickling Castiel's side playfully, "Or what if they call one of us Mommy?" Dean had never met any same-sex parents before so he had no idea how the family dynamic worked.

Castiel grinned, "You'd be their favourite, love." He kissed Dean back where he could with a bright smile on his face. "They can call us whatever they want. They'll be our little angels no matter what," he smiled.

Dean shook his head and laughed. "Cas, I'm really excited about our future." Dean said, more seriously this time. For the first time in his life he really saw a direction where he was headed, a light at the end of the tunnel, and he actually had goals. Cas had given that to him and it was the most valuable gift.

Castiel smiled, leaning up to stroke the hair out of Dean's face. "Me too, baby. Me too," he murmured. He sighed, turning them over suddenly so Dean was lying underneath Castiel on his back. "But right now, I'd like to focus on our present," he growled in a low voice, lips brushing over Dean's teasingly.

Dean yelped in surprise as Cas suddenly shoved him to the side and then moved on top of him, eyes dark and needy as he growled in a low voice, causing Dean to instantly become aroused. "Sounds like a plan," Dean murmured in reply, smirking and nipping at Castiel's lips playfully.

Castiel giggled, bumping his nose with Dean's and tilting his head down to capture Dean's lips in a needy and heavy kiss. "You're so gorgeous," he murmured against the other's lips, sucking on his tongue and moaning softly. He pressed his hands against each side of Dean to hold him up as he moved to nestle between his fiancé's legs. One hand sprawled across his chest and his guitar pick swinging loosely as he tips down to kiss Dean again.

Dean moaned softly into the kiss as he grabbed the string around Castiel's neck and used it to pull him down closer for another long, hot kiss. Castiel sucked on his tongue and it felt fucking amazing, sending a wave of arousal through his body and pooling low in his belly. He arched up towards the heat of Castiel's body, needing the contact of skin on skin, and his hands roamed greedily over Cas.

Castiel moaned, loving the way Dean writhed beneath him. His hand snaked down Dean's thigh and squeezed gently. His lips never leaving Dean's as their tongues tangled and chests pressed gently together. He pulled back a bit for air, his pants feeling way too tight. "You're so beautiful," he murmured, dipping his head to kiss down Dean's chest.

Dean's breath caught in his throat and he whined as Castiel pulled away, trying to follow him even though he was breathless and dizzy but he never wanted to stop kissing Cas. He clung to his hips and ground up against his body desperately, begging Cas to move, and he wrapped his legs around Castiel's waist to try to get closer. When Cas kissed Dean's chest, right over the scars there, Dean let out a shaky breath and tipped his head back, fingers tangling in Castiel's hair.

Castiel moaned, grinding his hips despite having moved and lost Dean's touch as he kissed down his stomach and dipped his fingers under Dean's pants teasingly before lowering himself over Dean and whispered in a dangerously low voice. "You like that, baby?" His hand trailing downward and palming the other through the fabric of his pants.

Dean moaned and rolled his hips upward into Castiel's hand, lifting his head to watch Cas trail kisses down his stomach, stopping just above his bulging pants and he groaned in frustration when Castiel stopped there. "Dammit, Cas, you fucking tease," he groaned breathlessly, grinding up into Castiel's body.

Castiel closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. Dean was so beautiful and hot beneath him Castiel was having trouble keeping it together. He leaned back up to whisper in Dean's ear. "Such an impatient little whore," he smirked. He pressed more firmly against Dean's bulge and bit back a moan of his own. Ignoring his own needs and focusing on Dean. He fumbled with his pants and stripped Dean until he lay bare before him. He gazed in awe over how beautiful he looked, vulnerable, exposed and purely his. He stripped himself slowly, watching Dean carefully and licked his lower lip teasingly.

"Will you hurry the fuck up?!" Dean growled impatiently, desperate and needy and throbbing with arousal. His voice was rough with lust and he needed to be touched, needed Castiel to move, needed Cas to get naked so Dean could see his body. But all he could do was lie there under Cas and watch as he gave a little striptease.

Castiel chuckled, finally getting naked and hovering over Dean. He licked his lips and kissed down Dean's chest and back up towards his neck and nipping at his earlobe. "Do you trust me?" he whispered softly, stroking Dean's cheek as he kissed him deeply before letting Dean answer.

Dean tried to answer Castiel's question but he was cut off my Castiel's tongue sliding into his mouth, and he forgot to think for a moment, but when Cas pulled back a little, Dean nodded breathlessly, staring up into Castiel's eyes. "Of course I do," he moaned breathlessly, hands gripping Castiel's upper arms.

Castiel nodded and carefully removed Dean's hands from his arms. "Stay there," he ordered gently and kissed Dean before moving to quickly go upstairs and retrieve some items. He came back down with condoms, lube and the scarf Dean had bought him. He came and knelt in between Dean's legs again and took the scarf and held it questioningly to Dean. "May I?" he asked, gesturing to Dean's hands.

Dean's eyes widened as Castiel came back and showed him the scarf and he realized what Cas wanted. "You wanna tie me up?" He asked in breathless disbelief, eying the scarf thoughtfully. He'd never done anything like this before and he wasn't sure whether he wanted to or not, but it could turn out to be good. And Castiel's ideas had never let him down before, so Dean grinned. "Sure, why not?" He bit his lip in anticipation, still smiling, and held his hands out. "Although this isn't really what I had in mind for that scarf," he said, laughter in his voice.

Castiel smiled and let out a breathless laugh. He tied Dean's hands together above his head but not too tightly that it hurt but enough that they stayed in place. He'd never done anything like this with Dean before and he'd always been a bit curious what it'd be like to be tied up or add something other than themselves into the mix. He pressed a kiss over Dean's heart and stroked the skin with light fingertips. "If you don't like it just tell me to stop, okay?" he murmured, pressing his lips back over Dean's chest.

Dean tested the strength of the knot and found that he was completely trapped, unable to lower his arms, and the realization that Cas could do anything he wanted to him made Dean shudder in excitement and need. Already he was feeling desperate, needing to be touched, but Cas was in complete control of him. "Okay, let's do this." He said, grinning up at Cas. Dean was a little nervous, but he trusted Cas and wasn't going to let a little nerves stop him from trying something new.

Castiel ran his hand down Dean's sides, teasing him with light touches before trailing his mouth down to suck down hard on one of Dean's nipples, teasing it with his teeth before soothing over it with his tongue. His hips grinding against Dean's thigh but trying to avoid touching Dean's crotch as much as possible. He wanted him to beg for it.

"Fuck," Dean breathed, eyes closed tightly and head tipped back as Castiel teased him, and he turned his hips to the side to try to grind up against Castiel but he couldn't. He shivered as Castiel's hands skimmed over his skin, his hot erection rubbing against Dean's thigh, and Dean was already losing it. "Jesus Christ, Cas," Dean moaned, unable to do anything and completely at Castiel's mercy. This was really fucking hot.

Castiel groaned softly, rubbing against the soft skin of Dean thigh as he tried relieve some of the friction. His mouth trailed downwards as he pressed rough, clumsy kisses to the skin. Watching Dean loose it was making him hard as hell. He pressed his fingers tips against Dean's thigh as he reached for the lube and covered his fingers, moving back up to kiss Dean hard as he teased his entrance with one finger.

"Ah!" Dean cried out in surprise, eyes flying open as Castiel began to finger him open, but the exclamation was muffled by Castiel's mouth, hot and moist against his in a hard clash of lips, tongue and teeth, and he moaned breathlessly as he writhed underneath Cas, arms straining at the scarf as he automatically attempted to reach down and clutch onto Castiel, but he couldn't even do that, and it was surprisingly sexy. He spread his legs further and wrapped them around Castiel's waist, heels pressing against the backs of his thighs as he tried desperately to get Castiel to grind down against him and give him what he needed. "Give it to me," He begged, his voice nothing more than a rough, raspy whine.

Castiel groaned at Dean's needy pleas. He slid his finger in fully as he forced himself not to move, making Dean plead for it because it was oh so hot when Dean whimpered beneath him. He tongue tangled with Dean's in a hot mess kiss as he pressed in a second finger and scissored his fingers to stretch Dean open. His teeth dragging Dean's lower lip as he moved away slightly and sucked at his neck, adding a third finger.

"God... fuck... fuck, Cas!" Dean gasped, his words turning to incoherent babble as he was overwhelmed with so many dizzying sensations. Castiel's tongue fucking his mouth, hot breath and teeth and lips biting and sucking and sliding together perfectly and Castiel's fingers sliding into his tight entrance. It wasn't as difficult as the first time he'd done this, his body knew Castiel's and opened for him more willingly than before. "Dammit, Cas, fuck me already!" He cried out, writhing and pulling Cas closer to him with his legs. "God, I wanna touch you so bad," he moaned.

Castiel chuckled darkly. He loved seeing Dean like this. All hot and needy. He moved away to get a condom, taking his time putting it on and lathering his cock with extra lube. He wasn't going to last long because just looking at Dean, his skin slick with sweat and his chest heaving as he tried to keep his breathing and arousal under control, was making Castiel painfully hard and so close to the edge. He shifted back over Dean and slowly pushed into him at a torturous pace, watching Dean's reaction with keen interest. He groaned, trying to keep himself from just thrusting in too quickly and longing out this moment of Dean purely under his control for as long as possible.

Dean was breathing as if he'd just sprinted a mile, heart pounding out of control, and he felt dizzy with need. Someone was yelling and it took him a moment to realize it was him. "Fuck!" He cried out, breathless and desperate, "Cas, move already, dammit!" He arched his back, rolling his hips up to try to get Castiel deeper, because he was in but he wasn't quite there, wasn't quite in the right spot. "God, you're killing me here," he gasped, his head rolling to the side as he tried to regain some of his breathing. "Please," he begged, "I need you to fuck me."

Castiel moaned, pressing into Dean as far as he could go before stopping completely. He pressed his lips to Dean's and slid his hand up to meet Dean's and hold them in place as he finally slid back out and thrust his hips sharply back against Dean's, groaning at the sudden pressure. It was rough and desperate and each hard thrust more intense than the last. His grip tightened on Dean's wrist as he pounded into him. His lips trailed openly down the side of Dean's neck. "Fuck..so tight," he moaned, squeezing his eyes shut.

Dean cried out loudly as Castiel fucked him, rough and needy and perfect. Cas might be smaller than him, but he was definitely not weaker. The fact that Cas could control him like this, keep him pinned in place and fuck him hard made Dean lose all ability to form coherent thoughts. Castiel had this mastered even though this was only their second time doing this, and it was just as good if not better than their first time. Castiel had the angle just right, hitting Dean's prostate every time he pounded into him. The force of it caused Dean to slide up and down on the floor until the blanket slipped out from underneath then and he began to get rugburn on his back, but he didn't care. He needed more, moaning like a whore as Cas fucked him, and he was so close to coming. "Harder," he demanded, "Cas, fuck me harder. Right there... Oh, Jesus,... "

Castiel moaned, listening to Dean cry out in bliss was just so fucking perfect. He thrust into him with a quicker and harder pace, obliging to Dean and fucking him hard. "Like that, baby?" he growled, leaning down to suck roughly on one of Dean's nipples. "You're so tight, tiger. So fucking..ah..tight." He groaned, nibbling Dean's ear as he reluctantly pulled out of Dean. "I want to be deeper, inside of you," he growled, helping Dean to roll over and sit up on his knees with his hands in front of him and now untied so he could hold himself up. He soon pushed back into him, the new angle, letting him push deeper into Dean and hit Dean's prostate and a better angle. He cried out at the sensations, pressing his head against Dean's back as he fucked him hard and rough.

Dean whined in protest as Cas pulled out and looked up at him in confusion, frustrated beyond belief, but then Castiel was rolling him over and moving him around so he was on his hands and knees, and his hands were free, but he couldn't do anything because Cas was pushing into him again, hard and rough with an unforgiving, brutal pace, and Dean moaned breathlessly as he rolled his hips back, Castiel's cock opening him wide and pounding into him with unbelievable force, each thrust sending a bright wave of pleasure through him, and it was better than anything he'd ever had before. "Cas," he gasped, his voice wrecked, and he knew that he was going to be so sore tomorrow, but it was definitely worth it for this. "Fuck, you're good," he groaned, "So good, don't stop, baby... Ah! Fuck, Cas!"

Castiel leaned forward, one hand griping on tightly to Dean's hip. He's sure he'll leave bruises but right now he doesn't care everything feels amazing and nothing else matters. His other hand reaches across the carpet and rest over Dean's hand, slightly laced together but more something to grip onto as he leaned across Dean's back as he fucks him roughly. "OH DEAN," he moaned as he came explosively, crying loudly in ecstasy he takes Dean's cock and pumped the shaft bringing him over the edge too.

Dean cried out roughly and rocked back against Cas as he came inside him, and Dean came shortly after with Castiel's hand wrapped firmly around him. It only took two seconds before Dean lost control and he reached the edge, coming violently as his hips moved in a frantic rhythm. His voice was wrecked, and his body was trembling as they came down from the high, feeling achey and sore and completely amazing. He collapsed face first on the ground, breathing hard and going limp. "Holy shit," he murmured in awe as he recovered from the most intense orgasm.

Castiel slumped against Dean and took a moment to breath through what felt like inhaling water before pulling out of Dean and collapsing next to him. He took of the condom and tied it up before putting it to the side with the lube and scarf. His body was shaking and he curled up with Dean, hiding his face in the other's neck and grinning idiotically. "That was amazing. God, you felt so good," he murmured, kissing the skin tenderly. "I love you, Dean."

Dean's breathing eventually slowed back to normal as he curled limply towards Cas, feeling weak and shaky and pleasantly exhausted. "That was so fucking hot," he muttered, wincing as sweat got into his eye and stung. They were both a mess and it was hot and stuffy under the blanket fort, the smell of them and sex filling the air and making Dean feel happily giddy and tired. He curled around Castiel and held on, relaxing his shaky muscles as he closed his eyes and yawned. "Damn, you're good at that."

Castiel sighed happily, it was hot and sticky under the blanket fort but he didn't care. He was tired and his muscles spasmed as his skin quickly cooled and he shivered slightly, shuffling closer to Dean. He managed a laugh at Dean's words. "See, not just for five year olds," he smirked, referring to the fort they'd made earlier. He closed his eyes and draped his arm limply around Dean's waist. He fell asleep with a warm, lazy smile on his face.

Dean noticed Castiel's small shiver and pulled a blanket up over them as they relaxed into sleep. He laughed quietly and kissed Castiel's temple, snuggling close to him. "Who knew blanket forts could have so many uses?" He mumbled sleepily, smiling into Castiel's shoulder as his eyes drooped closed and he fell into a deep, content sleep.


	32. Chapter 32

Castiel awoke to an odd weight on his nose. He wiggled his nose and peered open his eyes to find a yellow post it note stuck to the end. He frowned in confusion and mumbled something under his breath. He peeled the post it note of his nose and stared at it bleared eyed. He groaned in embarrassment as he read it. _Keep it in the bedroom next time, love. _At first Castiel was confused. It'd only been a few hours since..right? He managed to shift out of Dean's grip and look out the fort to the windows, finding bright daylight indicating the next morning. "Fuck," he groaned, flopping back down on his back and covering his face.

"Huh?" Dean mumbled sleepily as Castiel moved and jostled him, moving out of his arms, and Dean groaned unhappily and reached out for him without opening his eyes, fumbling blindly until he found Castiel's body and curled against him again, sighing in contentment as he held him close. "What time is it?" He muttered against Castiel's collarbone, still not bothering to open his eyes, but he did a moment later when he felt something poking into his arm, and he frowned down at the yellow post it note as the corner of it jabbed his skin, and he grabbed and and read it before tossing it aside and groaning, his face bright red,. "Shit," he muttered, "Your mom saw us naked together. How am I supposed to look her in the eye ever again?"

Castiel blushed hard, pulling the covers up on them sub-consciously. He hid his face in Dean's neck and groaned. "It'd happen to me, wouldn't it?" Castiel huffed, to tired to actually take this seriously. "We still had the blankets. She didn't see us fully naked..she just knows we made a fort and had sex in it," Castiel said with a gloomy and disgusted expression. He groaned again, shuffling closer to Dean and wrapping his arms tightly around him.

"Fuck," Dean groaned, closing his eyes in embarrassment and carding his fingers through Castiel's hair. He huffed deep sigh and then lifted his head to look around and saw that the lube and the used condom, as well as the knotted scarf, were still out in plain sight, and he groaned loudly and collapsed against the pillow again. "This is so awkward," he mumbled, "But... at least she doesn't have to worry about accidental pregnancies."

(I'm really confused about the times and stuff, like isn't it reallly early there? )

Castiel huffed out a laugh at that last part. "She's seen me been beaten to a bloodied pulp that I almost died from. I doubt this is much of a shock for her. Probably a relief if anything." At least Castiel hoped that was the case. He hoped the note was more of a joke than a serious thing. If he was getting in trouble for having sex his world had seriously been turned upside down in the last seven months.

Dean smiled sheepishly against Castiel's hair and curled his fingers through it again softly, Castiel's laugh vibrating through his chest. "Well, she's your mom," he said, "She's protective over you and maybe she's not quite ready to see her baby grow up and become a man," he teased lovingly, kissing Castiel's cheek. "You think she's gonna have a chat with us or just ignore it?"

Castiel shrugged, "What's there to say? She'd have seen the condom so she knows we're safe..what else would there be to talk about?" Castiel didn't want to know. He didn't want to have that conversation with his mom. If ever if he could help it. "I guess if anyone is gonna be having that awkward talk it'd be better my mom than your dad," he reasoned.

Dean winced in embarrassment and buried his face in Castiel's hair, groaning softly. "Yeah, you've got a point there," He agreed seriously, shuddering at the thought of his dad finding him naked in bed with Cas. That wouldn't go well at all and everyone would most likely be scarred for life. He kissed Castiel's temple again and sighed tiredly.

Castiel hummed, closing his eyes and pressing his nose into Dean's neck. "We should take a bath," Castiel commented, pressing a lazy kiss to the skin on Dean's neck. "Get dressed and go see the markets," he suggested. "They've got artists that'll paint your picture or draw those cartoon things where your head's real big. They've got stalls with jewellery and trinkets, we can try and find something for Sammy and they do crepes, the smell of which lingers through the cobbled streets." Castiel sighed happily, tilting his head up to kiss Dean's jaw. "It's perfect. You have to see it."

Dean smiled over at Castiel and rubbed a hand up and down his back, resting it in the dip in Castiel's side as he pulled him closer and stretched his legs, toes curling in contentment. "A bath sounds perfect," he sighed happily, sitting up and stretching, his arm accidentally catching on the top of the blanket and pulling it down on top of them, and he took advantage of the tangled blankets to roll on top of Castiel and kiss him playfully. "I'm so glad I get to spend all day with you, Cas."

Castiel blinked as Dean broke their fort but started giggling soon enough when Dean hovered above him and started kissing him. His hands found Dean's waist easily as he laughed quietly, pressing up to kiss Dean again. Castiel hummed in agreement. It was nice to have all this time with Dean. No more hiding, no more fear of what might happen. They could just be themselves. He pressed a kiss to Dean's nose and grinned idiotically. "I've got a surprise for you, kitten." He rolled them over so Castiel was on top so he could stand up. He tugged at Dean's hand to get him to follow upstairs and into the bathroom. He ran the water for a bath and curled his arms around Dean's waist whilst they waited. "This is our last day in Paris," he announced with a grin.

Dean threw the blankets off of him and struggled to his feet, laughing quietly as Castiel dragged him upstairs, and Dean, self-conscious that Mrs. Novak might be around and see them even though he knew it wasn't likely, pulled a blanket around himself and followed Cas upstairs, giggling to himself. When they were in the bathroom and waiting for the bath to fill, Dean smiled and rubbed his nose against Castiel's and wrapped the blanket around both of them. "Another surprise? You're too good to me, baby." He grinned, stealing a kiss.

Castiel grinned shaking his head. The gentle touch of the fabric against his bare back making him melt in Dean's arms. "No, you don't understand. This is our last day in Paris," he repeated. "Remember? We're supposed to be here for a week? Well, now we're not," he said with the giddiest expression on his face and kissed Dean deeply before turning to shut off the water and test the temperature with his fingertips.

Dean blinked in confusion. "Wait a minute, what?" He asked dumbly. "How long have we been here?" He'd lost track of the days, but when he thought about it he realized Cas was right, and he narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "What are you planning?" He kissed Castiel again almost absently, squeezing him closer and not letting go until Cas gave him an answer.

Castiel chuckled, "It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you now would it?" He kissed Dean deeply, using it as an excuse to move away and get in the bath, spreading his legs for Dean to sit between them. Once they were both in the bath Castiel rested his chin on Dean's shoulder as he started washing the other shoulder with a sponge. "It'll be perfect, I promise," he said softly, grinning idiotically to himself.

Dean sat in front of Cas and tilted his head forward a little so Cas could reach his shoulder enough to wash it, and he hummed in contentment. He rested his hands on Castiel's thighs, fitting into the gap in his legs perfectly, and Dean smiled and closed his eyes. "I have no idea what to expect," he murmured, "But being here with you is already perfect." He turned his head to the side, where Cas was resting his chin on his other shoulder, and kissed the corner of Castiel's mouth where he could reach.

Castiel hummed, leaning forward a little to kiss Dean properly. "Trust me, love. It'll be worth it," he smiled, excited for what tomorrow would bring. He wrapped his arm loosely around Dean's waist and used his other hand to wash Dean's chest and stomach. He kissed Dean's skin tenderly as he worked over his body with a cloth, washing him gently and intimately. He started to wash himself afterwards, singing quietly to Dean by murmuring in his ear.

Dean hummed and tipped his head back to rest on Castiel's shoulder, hand covering Castiel's on his stomach. This was perfect. The warm water and sweet-smelling soap and Castiel surrounding him. "Mm, that feels nice," he murmured, closing his eyes and relaxing as Cas rubbed his hands over his body. When Cas started singing, Dean hummed along softly, smiling lazily and turning to kiss Castiel again. When Cas began washing himself, Dean shifted in the tub and turned around until he was facing Cas, and he extended his legs out and scissored them with Castiel's so they were sitting entwined in the tub facing each other. "Let me," he breathed with a shy smile, taking the soap and rubbing his hands over Castiel's chest slowly, leaning close to his face and breathing softly against Castiel's lips as he moved forward to kiss him gently.

Castiel closed his eyes and sighed when Dean took the soap and began washing him. It was so intimate and loving and Castiel was soaking up every minute of it. "I love you," he murmured against Dean's lips, reaching a hand out to caress Dean's hair with soft hands. The water too warm for the sensitive part of Dean's scalp where the scar laid. He was careful and pressed his lips to the scar in need of attention.

Dean whimpered softly and held perfectly still as Castiel stroked his hair and pressed his lips to the scar, gentle as a feather, and Dean had to close his eyes at the tender intimacy of it. He knew Castiel's body by touch, feeling his way down the familiar scar on his side from the house fire with light fingers. "Love you so much," Dean murmured back, capturing Castiel's lips in another lingering kiss.

Castiel's breath hitched as Dean touched the sensitive skin around his scars. He clutched at the other's hair lightly and kissed him back, soft and loving. Completely different from yesterday where it was desperate and needy. Today was loving and tender and more reassuring than anything. He held Dean carefully and sighed happily. He moved away and pushed Dean away lightly to get out the bath and hold a towel out for Dean. "Big day ahead," he grinned.

When they weren't kissing anymore, just holding each other, Dean sighed, relaxed and comfortable. But it was over soon and Dean moved back somewhat reluctantly as Cas stepped out of the bath and gave him a towel. He dried off quickly and then wrapped the towel around his waist to go to the sink and brush his teeth. He splashed some water over his face when he was done and then studied himself in the mirror, rubbing at his jaw. "I should shave," he muttered, looking at Cas in the mirror with a smirk. "Don't wanna irritate that baby-soft skin of yours," he teased, even though Cas had a bit of stubble himself.

Castiel watched as Dean walked around the bathroom to clean himself up. Castiel had done the same, wrapped a towel around his waist and pulled the plug. He looking in the mirror over Dean's shoulder and rubbed Dean's jaw. "I think it's sexy," he smirked, kissing his cheek before pulling away to brush his teeth. He padded back into the other room and got changed quickly into slim jeans and a tight blue jumper that buttoned up at the side.

Dean grinned and nudged Cas with his hip as he began brushing his teeth and then left the bathroom to get dressed. He put on some dark jeans and a grey long-sleeved shirt with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows, and he grabbed the blue scarf and draped it around his neck, smirking at Cas. "Sexy?" He said playfully, stepping up to Cas and putting his hands on his waist. Cas sure looked hot in his blue sweater and those jeans that hugged his legs and ass perfectly.

Castiel turned to look over at Dean. Eyes lingering over his body. "Oh, so sexy," he breathed. He couldn't believe he actually had the scarf draped around his neck. He blushed a little before grabbing at the scarf and pulling Dean towards him for a searing kiss. He moved away and sighed happily, "We should go before we end up just spending the day in bed again." He leaned up and brushed his lips against Dean's ear. "We've got all summer to do that," he murmured.

Dean smiled and nipped playfully at Castiel's lips, fluffing his damp hair a little. He shivered slightly when Cas murmured in his ear and grinned, sliding a hand up his chest and shoving him away playfully. "Yeah, I think we both need some fresh air. We certainly got enough exercise last night." He grabbed Castiel's hand and they walked down the stairs and outside. "So, where's this market you've been talking about?"

Castiel chuckled, taking in a deep breath as they walked through the streets. It took ten minutes for them to get to the market and Castiel grinned excitedly. The smell of pastries filled the air, cheery music filled the cobbled streets as a small string band set up in the corner of the square. People were murmuring and calling out through the slightly busy market streets and excitement and buzz filled the air. "What do you think?" he asked, looking up at Dean.

Dean smiled as he looked around at the market, feeling like he was transported back into time a few decades. He grinned at Cas and squeezed his arm. "It's beautiful," he breathed, grinning excitedly and pointing to the string quartet. "Wow, they don't have that kind of thing in America. At least not that I've seen. This is so cool." Here, he was completely immersed in the culture and it was exciting.

Castiel grinned at Dean's excitement and led him through the stalls, looking at all the food produce and small trinkets and items people came to sell. "See anything for Sammy?" he asked, leaning in close to Dean as their hands dangled between them. Castiel spotted the wine stall and bought a few bottles for Crowley as ordered and an extra one for John. "Maybe a bracelet or a watch or something?" he suggested with a shrug.

Dean watched in amazement as Castiel just bought wine from a man in a stall selling it. He still couldn't believe they were allowed to just buy alcohol here and the drinking age wasn't 21 like in America. He grinned when Cas finished his purchase and looked around as they slowly strolled through the market. They stopped at a stall that was selling watches and looked at them in interest. "Sammy needs a new watch," he said thoughtfully, picking up a sturdy-looking one with a leather strap and studying it.

Castiel didn't think anything of it as he paid for the wine. The drinking age was much lower and seeing as he was French, he didn't even think twice about the laws. He carried the wine in a cardboard carrier and followed Dean to where he was studying watches. Castiel smiled and looked over them. "That's nice, love." Something else caught Castiel's eye. He reached out the back and pulled out a necklace with a golden face and eyed it curiously.

Dean was still studying the watch when he felt Castiel's presence beside him and he glanced over to see Cas looking at a necklace. It was simple, with a black cord and a small bronze charm that looked like some kind of African mask. "What's that?" He asked curiously, leaning a little closer and lowering the watch.

"I don't know," he said simply, continuing to study the object in the palm of his hand. "I like it though," he smiled, looking up at Dean. "You should get him this," Castiel decided, handing the object over to Dean like it was made of glass.

Dean took the necklace and held it by the cord, fingering the odd little charm on the end of it as he looked at it closer. It was heavier than he expected, sturdy, and he liked it. "It'll be from both of us," Dean said, looking up into Castiel's eyes and grinning at him as he got his wallet out of his pocket and handed the necklace back to Cas to get the right amount of money out.

Castiel took the necklace and helped Dean pick out the right money and handed it over to the woman. She took the necklace and paced it in a small box before handing it back over to Dean. Castiel nodded his thanks and took Dean by the hand back through the market.

As they continued to walk slowly through the market, looking around at all the various stalls and dodging some young kids who were rushing excitedly through the streets and laughing joyfully. "Hey, we should get something for your mom." He suggested, glancing around for something she'd like. "I feel like we should give her something nice to make up for having sex in the living room."

Castiel nodded, "That'd be great." Castiel looked around the stalls and stumbled across a perfume stall. He muddled through the bottles before finding the right one and smiling. He paid for it and continued walking with Dean. "She used to wear this when we were over here before. You can't buy it in America."

Dean grinned and sniffed the perfume. "She'll love it," he said, and suddenly his attention was distracted by a nearby jewelry stand selling glass jewelry, in particular a certain pair of dark red earrings. "Think she'd like these?" He asked, picking them up and grinning. "I think they'd match that red dress she wore to the party that time we were singing." He turned and held them out for Castiel's inspection. "I want to get something for my future mother-in-law."

Castiel's features softened, "Honey, that's so sweet." He kissed Dean's cheek and smiled sweetly, "They're great. I'll bet she'll love them." It felt alien to think Dean would soon be calling his mom mom too. He smiled at the thought. "Sam'll be my brother," Castiel grinned happily to himself. "You think John would mind me callin' him daddy?" he smirked, stepping away to look at a stall opposite and buy some fresh croissants for them.

Dean smiled at the thought of Sam and Cas, the two people he loved most in the world, being brothers. Dean knew that Sam already thought of Cas as family, and that made him giddily happy. He bought the earrings and then made a face at the thought of Cas calling John 'daddy'. "Dude, I think he'd be creeped out." He turned to Cas and took a croissant from him, mouth watering at the smell of the freshly baked bread. "I think _I'd _be creeped out if you called him daddy." Dean laughed as he imagined his dad's face. "Oh well, he'll have to deal with it."

Castiel chuckled, taking a bite of his food. "Pops, maybe?" he suggested with a smirk. He wan't going to call him anything but John and they both knew it. Castiel wouldn't intentionally rock the boat. It was just fun to joke about. Castiel's leg suddenly vibrated and he juggled his bags to get to his phone. "Hello?" he answered, listening to the other end. "Yup, it's all planned," Castiel nodded before rolling his eyes. "Yes, I got your wine. No I'm not getting you port..because Bobby said not to that''s why." There was silence before Castiel looked over at Dean. "No, yes, okay.. I'm sorry, I'll get your port." He hung up and smiled over at Dean. "Okay, let's go."

Dean shook his head fondly and sighed, his smile softening a bit as he realized that although they were happy right now and they deserved it, not everything was going to be easy, and John Winchester was at the top of the list of problems. He watched Cas talk on the phone and chuckled. Crowley. "Is he bullying you?" He asked as Castiel slid the phone back into his pocket.

Castiel shook his head, "No..but we're gonna have to make a stop before going back home," Castiel said, leading Dean back out the market and in the direction of his grande-mere's house. "How do you feel about England?" he asked with a smirk, holding Dean's hand as they entered the house and put away the stuff they'd bought in their suitcases.

Dean's eyes widened and he froze. "We're going to England?!" He exclaimed, a smile spreading across his face and he turned to Cas and stared at him with wide eyes. "Seriously?" He hugged Castiel hard, lifting him up a little and stumbling back slightly, temporarily forgetting he wasn't as strong as he used to be before the accident.

Castiel chuckled, sucking in a breath as Dean squeezed him. "Yeah, my surprise is out there so got Crowley to switch our flights so we could go over." Castiel grinned, shoving what clothes were on the floor into his suitcase. "You're okay with that, right?" he asked, looking back up at Dean with a small smile.

Dean rolled his eyes and threw his arm around Castiel's shoulders and pulled him close, resting his lips on Castiel's ear. "Cas. I'm more than okay with it." He smiled and pressed a gentle kiss to the skin just below Castiel's ear. "Wow. I can't believe you sometimes," he murmured, kissing Castiel's cheek. "You're my baby."

Castiel chuckled, "Our train leaves in a few hours so we should probably be heading off." He kissed Dean quickly before moving away to pick up their bags and put them by the door. He turned back to Dean and smiled. "We're going to London!" he beamed, hugging Dean tightly.

"London!" Dean repeated gleefully, grabbing Castiel's face and kissing him firmly on the mouth. "Is this a honeymoon type thing?" He asked, "An after-engagement celebration or something?" He smiled in awe and kissed Cas again before stepping back to pick up his bag and grinning excitedly. He walked back up to Cas and kissed him again, unable to resist.

Castiel shook his head. "Not what I was going for but sure, I guess. It's just for one night so you might wanna sleep on the train." He took his bag and headed for the door, leading Dean to the train station which wasn't too far a walk. "'I'm sorry we can't stay longer but I could only afford one night. I've been doing chores for Crowley and I didn't want to have to ask him to pay for this..over than the flights."

Dean's smile softened as they headed towards the train station. "You worked for this?" He asked, stroking Castiel's neck gently. "Cas, how long have you been saving up for this?" He asked softly, looking at Castiel in amazement. He'd known that this trip cost money, but he was pretty sure that Crowley had been paying for the trip because of Kathy's business.

Castiel shook his head, "I meant the surprise in London. I'm not that rich, kitten." He chuckled as they got to the station and they found the right train, sitting in their seats on opposite sides of the table. "You should get some sleep, love. It's going to be an hour or two before we get there and you'll need your energy."

Dean pursed his lips thoughtfully as he tried to imagine what Cas had planned, but he didn't know much about London. He smiled softly. "Okay, I'll sleep. Can I use you as a pillow?" He asked, reaching across the table and entwining their fingers together. The train began moving and Dean felt a rush of giddy excitement, but Cas was right. They should sleep now so they wouldn't have to later.

Castiel nodded, leaning over so Dean could rest his head on his arms. He fell asleep shortly after Dean and was awoken by an elderly woman shaking his shoulder lightly. He thanked her with bleary eyes as he looked out onto King's Cross Station and shook Dean. "Honey, we're here, he grinned. It was around five in the afternoon and still fairly light out. He picked up their bags and stepped off the train, looking around for where to go. "This way," Castiel grinned, going in the direction of the London Underground.

Dean fell asleep, partly uncomfortable, but it wasn't that bad because Cas was letting Dean rest his head on his arms, and he hummed in gratitude as he made himself comfortable and settled down to sleep. A while later he was woken up, and he rubbed his eyes and looked around curiously. He followed Cas off the train and quickly took his own bag from Cas so he didn't have to carry both of them, and looked around, wide-eyed. "Where are we going?" He asked, a soft awed smile on his face.

"Greenwich," Castiel answered simply, looking around for the right train and paying for the tickets to get on it. "It's where-" he stopped himself before saying aloud what his plans were. "It's where the hotel is," he said quickly. Which was the truth, but not what he had intended on saying. The boarded the train, a little crowded from rush hour but Castiel didn't mind. It only took twenty minutes to get to Greenwich and Castiel led them out of the underground and outside into what was once the heart of the city. Over time it had grown so it was just to the side now but was a perfect spot for where they were going. They checked into their hotel, one that looked over the river and the majority of London. The London Eye and Big Ben visible in the distance.

Dean peered at Cas curiously as he stopped himself from saying something, but he didn't ask. Clearly it was a surprise and Dean was excited. It was a bit stressful getting there with all the people, but it was okay because Dean was so busy taking in all the new experiences and just processing it all. When they stepped into their hotel room, Dean looked around and set his bag down, heading towards the window and gazing out at the city. "Cas, it's beautiful," he breathed, although he still had no idea what Cas was planning on doing for one night in London.

Castiel chuckled and slid his arms around Dean from behind and leant on his shoulder as he looked out at the city with his fiancé. "It sure is," he smirked, looking at Dean and not the city. Cheesy move, but Castiel was in a good mood and didn't care whether it was cheesy. It was the truth. He pecked Dean's cheek and sighed. "You wanna take a shower, get some dinner? We have to be gone by seven so we've got a few hours to spare. What do you want to do?" Castiel asked.

"Yeah, I could eat," Dean said enthusiastically, placing his hands over Castiel's and leaning into him slightly as they gazed out at the city. "Any chance you're gonna tell me where you're taking me?" He wheedled, turning around in Castiel's arms and looking at him pleadingly before leaning forward and kissing his lips, teasingly slow.

Castiel chuckled, shaking his head. "I'm not telling you," he grinned. "But I'll give you a clue. You can see it out this window," he teased, given half the city could be seen from here. He stepped out of Dean's embrace and shuffled through his suitcase to find his beanie and place it on his head. He also found an envelope and put it in his pocket to give to Dean when he revealed the surprise. "I didn't really book anywhere for dinner and London is pretty funny about just showing up," Castiel said sadly. It was the one thing he'd forgotten to take into consideration and he smiled apologetically at Dean. "McDonalds okay?"

Dean groaned in mock frustration when Cas pointed out the window. "That explains nothing," he complained, turning to look back out the window as Cas went to his suitcase. "Cas, McDonald's is great. Anywhere is great as long as you're there." He smiled at the beanie, "Your eyes look really blue right now, baby," he murmured lovingly, gazing at Cas softly.

Castiel grinned, holding out his hand for Dean. "Come on, love. Let's go get some burgers." Castiel grabbed Dean's camera and they walked out into the streets of London. It took a while to find a McDonald's because Castiel wasn't as familiar with London as he was France but he didn't think Dean would mind. Taking the chance to take in the sight of London. Once they got there, Castiel ordered them burgers, fries and coke and they sat upstairs and looked over the small view of London the window provided.

"Most romantic dinner I've ever had," Dean teased, mock-earnestly as he sipped his coke and offered Castiel a fry, poking it against his lips until Cas opened his mouth and ate it. Dean was perfectly content eating here just as anywhere else. It was comfortable and familiar, and Cas was here and that was the important thing. He ate his burger happily and gazed out the window, his leg bouncing excitedly under the table. He grinned shyly at Cas and ate some more fries.

Castiel grinned, taking a huge bite of his burger and moaning happily. He hadn't had a burger since prom and before then..well hardly ever. His father would never allow it. So every time Castiel had one it was like heaven in his mouth. He wiped his mouth and his greasy hand on his jeans before handing the envelope over to Dean with a cheeky grin. "This is my surprise," he announced happily.

Dean watched Cas eat his burger and laughed at the pure bliss on his face when he took a big bite. "Hey, I'm getting jealous over here," he complained, and then Cas handed him an envelope. Dean slowly set his coke down and took the envelope carefully, looking up into Castiel's eyes questioningly. "What's this?" He asked in a soft voice, opening the envelope slowly and carefully.

Castiel grinned, peering over the table to look at Dean as he opened the envelope. "Tickets to go see Miss Aguilera herself, in London with your fiancé," he beamed with a proud smile. "Whatdya say? I just thought it'd be nice to go see one of the reasons we're together," Castiel shrugged, remembering how Dean's iPod was littered with her music as they danced together that blissful night.

Dean's eyes widened as he gaped at the tickets. "No way," he breathed, looking up at Cas in shock, "Seriously? We're really going to see her?" Dean grinned widely, blinking down at the tickets. Cas had remembered. On their prom night, they'd danced to many of her songs and Dean was touched. His vision blurred and he set the tickets on the table, standing up and moving around to kiss Castiel and hug him tightly.

Castiel chuckled, holding Dean close and stroking his hair. "Oh, honey, come on now. No tears," he said softly, trying to keep himself together even as he said this. It meant a lot to both of them and Castiel couldn't think of a better way to end their engagement week. "Hey," he crooned, pulling back a little to look at Dean. "You gonna be okay?"

Dean laughed into Castiel's neck. "You're amazing," he murmured, "Cas, seriously. You're the best fiance anyone could ever have. I love you so much. It's perfect." Dean stood up and wiped his eyes, still standing beside Cas and grinning down at him emotionally. "You didn't have to do this," he started, "Jesus, I bet it was expensive. You've already done so much for me." He stroked a hand through Castiel's hair affectionately, an idea beginning to come to his mind. A way to show Cas just how much he meant to him.

Castiel grinned and took Dean's free hand to lead him to sit in his lap. He leant against Dean's shoulder as he reached over him to take another fry. He shook hi head and smiled up at Dean, "It was worth it to see my Dean happy. I wanted to make this week perfect and I heard she was touring Europe right now and I thought, why not." He grinned idiotically, so happy to be seeing the woman who'd helped him stop self-harming, bring him out of the dark and closer to the man he loved. He felt tears well in his eyes as he sighed happily. "I can never do too much for you, Dean. You deserve everything you get," he smiled, leaning up to kiss him tenderly.

Dean giggled as he sat on Castiel's lap, feeling a little silly since they were in a MacDonald's, but he didn't care. He smiled down at Cas and stroked his cheek lovingly. "_You _make me happy," he whispered, leaning close and resting their foreheads together. "God, Cas, you're the most amazing person I've ever met." He kissed him again and then backed away, making a vaguely disgusted face. "Gross, you taste like onions, pickles, and chewed up fries." He teased, wiping Castiel's tears away and trying to make him laugh. Christ, Dean was so in love with him.

Castiel chuckled, dipping his head before looking up at Dean with a slight smouldering look. It doesn't last though, he's too busy laughing to keep the expression. He kissed Dean again before returning to his food. "We've got about half an hour," he commented. "You excited?" he asked with a giddy grin.

Dean smiled triumphantly as Castiel laughed and kissed him again. "Hell yes, I'm excited!" He answered, standing up from Castiel's lap and moving to sit in the seat beside him instead, staying close and pressing his thigh against Castiel's under the table. He couldn't stop smiling. "I've actually never been to a concert before," he admitted, "This'll be a first for me. And I bet it's going to set the bar really high."

Castiel chuckled, "Don't worry, neither have I." He takes a bite of his burger, finishing it quickly as he drained his coke. "Man, we need to have burgers more often. They are amazing," Castiel grinned. Once they were done, Castiel led them out into the night air and walked in the direction of the O2 Arena. "You think she's as good as they say she is live?" he asked Dean. "I hear she does acrobats in the air whilst she sings and stuff. So cool."

Dean chuckled and nodded in agreement as he ate the last of his fries. "Yeah, I've seen some videos of her concerts before and it's really awesome. And she has a beautiful voice live." Dean squirmed in excitement, tapping his fingers on the table rapidly. "I'm so excited!" He said in disbelief, "I can't believe we're really going to see her!"

Once they got to the O2 Castiel squeezed hold of Dean's hand tightly as they joined the buzzing crowd to get into the arena. Castiel was so excited. He was going to see his hero, his saviour. He almost felt like crying. If she sang 'Perfect' Castiel could guarantee he'd be in tears. They made it into the stadium and Castiel gawked. "Oh my God, this is amazing," he gushed, following an usher who showed them where to go.

Dean looked around, eyes wide and fascinated as he walked with Cas through the dense crowd gathering around to enter the stadium. Dean clung tightly to Castiel's hand so they didn't get separated as they followed the usher. "Wow," Dean breathed in amazement, grinning widely and bouncing up and down in excitement. His heart fluttered nervously in his chest and he was full on freaking out. "Cas, this is unreal!" He squeaked.

Castiel chuckled, grabbing Dean's face gently and kissing him in order to express how he's feeling right now. "I'm glad you like it, love. I really want to see you smile again." He wrapped his arm around Dean and looked up at the stage. "We're really gonna see her," Castiel choked, biting his lip and turning to Dean with a wide grin.

They were relatively close to the stage, and Dean was so excited. There were seats inside the stadium and they sat down amongst other excited fans as they waited for the concert to start. Dean grabbed Castiel's hand and held it in both of his tightly as he grinned widely. "Thank you so much, Cas. This is really special." He leaned over to press a soft, slow kiss the skin just behind Castiel's ear.

Castiel hummed, leaning into Dean so he could hear him over the crowd. The lights suddenly went down and the crowd simmered into a quiet hush. The lights on stage beamed into life and there she was. Castiel stared up with wide eyes, up able to move, unable to say anything as he watched this gorgeous woman take to the stage and begin the show.

Dean's jaw dropped when he saw P!nk on the stage, and he couldn't believe they were really here seeing this. He looked over at Cas and saw that his eyes were glued to the stage, full of emotion and awe, and Dean squeezed his hand excitedly. She had started out with one of her more upbeat songs, "Rockstar", to start the concert off with some wild excitement, and Dean found himself standing up and dancing and singing with the rest of the crowd, and he pulled Castiel up with him so they could see over the heads of everyone in front of them.

Castiel grinned as he was pulled up to dance and sing along with Dean and the rest of the crowd. It was thrilling and overwhelming and Castiel couldn't really believe he was finally here. He'd been planning this for months and it was finally coming true. It felt like a dream. He sang along happily waving his hands in the air. The atmosphere was so addictive, adrenaline coursing through his veins with excitement. He'd never felt more alive.

Dean felt like he was in a dream. This whole experience was unreal, and as the song ended in wild applause and screams, the girl standing next to Dean bumped him and he glanced over at her in confusion to find her pushing her hair behind her ear and smiling up at him flirtatiously. "Hi," she said loudly to be heard over the crowd, and Dean smiled politely at her, slipping his hand around Castiel's waist so she got the message.

Castiel was too enthralled in the music to notice what was happening until Dean's arm wrapped around him and he looked over at a girl trying to flirt with his Dean. He wrapped his own arm around Dean possessively and tugged him closer before looking back at the stage momentarily before turning back to Dean and kissing him briefly. "This is amazing," he murmured in Dean's ear so he could hear him over the cheers.

Dean laughed as Castiel pulled him closer and kissed his cheek. "I know it's horrible but I love it when you get all jealous like that," he murmured jokingly, turning his attention back to the stage. P!nk was now singing "Raise Your Glass", another upbeat, exciting song, and Dean grinned so hard his cheeks hurt. "It's awesome!" He agreed enthusiastically, the music pounding through his entire body and making him pleasantly dizzy.

Castiel smirked, and tugged at Dean's waist to bring him closer. "You'll love it even more tonight," he teased, pulling away completely to wave his arms in the air and cheer along with the rest of the crowd. He loved P!nk so much. She was a huge inspiration to him and he helped make him feel important when he was feeling low. The fact that he even had the chance to see her perform in person truly felt like the highest honour.

Dean laughed and shoved Castiel playfully as he backed away, and he turned his gaze back to the stage and raised one hand in the air, pumping his fist enthusiastically as he sang and danced along, jumping up in down to the music. Although the song was upbeat and fun, it was motivating and inspirational, and Dean loved it. She looked amazing on the stage, powerful and strong as she sang and danced, and the stage setting was amazing. There were flashing lights and backup dancers and bright costumes, and it was just overwhelming.

Castiel beamed, laughing a little as Dean pushed him. The song ended and Just Like A Pill began. It was sad but still fairly upbeat music wise. Castiel hummed in remembering when he first heard this song. It brought back a lot of memories, ones he hadn't thought of in a long time and Castiel took one of Dean's hands and laced them with his, biting his lip to stop from getting emotional. He was happy, don't get him wrong. He just couldn't help but let his emotions run free as P!nk washed over him.

Dean glanced down as Castiel's fingers found his, and his smile faded a little when he saw how emotional Cas looked, and Dean took his hand out of Castiel's and wrapped his arm around his neck instead, pulling him in and planting a kiss to his head. Dean hadn't heard this song in a while and he swayed slightly to the music, humming along as Castiel's head rested on his shoulder. This song was sad and he was getting a little emotional as well.

Castiel let himself be held by Dean. His own hand reaching up to hold onto Dean's. He couldn't take his eyes of the stage. This remarkable woman was making him feel like he owned the world. That he, just like her, was worth something. That everyone here were equals in her eyes and nothing else mattered. He sang along to try to keep from tearing up and swayed with Dean.

Dean continued to watch, and then he noticed that other people had cameras out and he grinned and reached into Castiel's pocket for his camera and quickly held it out in front of them before Castiel could react and took a picture, and then brought back to look at it and showed it to Cas with a soft smile. "Nice one," he said, meaning it. Cas looked so awed and wide-eyed, eyes full of emotion and beauty and Dean liked this picture a lot.

Castiel saw the flash but didn't register until it was over. He peered over at the small screen and smiled sweetly. They looked so happy and relaxed, it made Castiel smile happily. He kissed Dean's cheek and stayed close to him as the song changed again. Castiel grinned happily and danced to the new song, still over whelmed by the fact they were here.

Dean leaned into Castiel's kiss and smiled giddily as they continued to watch the show. This was by far the most extravagant week of his life. He couldn't process the fact that he'd spent several days in Paris, gotten engaged, traveled to London, and were now seeing P!nk live in concert. It was unbelievable.

The show was brilliant. P!nk was amazing, her performances were incredible and her flexibility in some of the routines even left Castiel a little envious. Everyone thought he show was over, the lights going out with a bang as indoor fireworks closed the show. The place was alive with applause and Castiel could barely move from the pure shock of this actually happening. He couldn't plan this night more perfectly. Until it happened. P!nk returned to a darkened stage, standing in a spot light with a bright grin on her face. She announced to the crowd that she was grateful for them all coming down and that she wanted to end the show on a positive vibe. And that's when it happened. The crowded hushed as the music began and Castiel's heart was in his mouth as he turned to look up at Dean with wide eyes, it was their song. It was perfect.

Dean looked at Cas and bit his lip, tears welling up in his eyes as he got emotional. This was the song they'd danced to that night, the one they'd been singing to each other repeatedly, the song that meant everything to and about them. It was theirs. Dean didn't take his eyes off Cas and slipped an arm around his waist, pulling him in so they were side-to side, and rested his head on Castiel's shoulder. "I love you," He murmured in Castiel's ear. "I love you so much."

Castiel wrapped his arm around Dean's the only think keeping him up. "I love you too, Dean," he sniffed, single tear rolling down his cheek. They must have looked out of place but Castiel didn't care this song represented everything they were. Whenever Castiel felt like his old paranoid loser self Dean would sing this to him and make everything okay. Make him feel wanted and special. He leaned up to kiss Dean, clutching hold of him tightly.

Dean sniffed slightly and kissed him back, turning to face him fully and wrapping his arms around him as they just held each other, the song flowing through their souls and everything they were. Dean began to sing along quietly in Castiel's ear, just barely above a whisper as he didn't want to drown out P!nk's beautiful, strong voice. This song was them. It had brought them together and it made them stronger. Dean gently wiped Castiel's tears away with his thumb, not caring what the people around them thought of them. Everyone else disappeared and it was just the two of them and the music.

Castiel gasped as Dean began to sing along. His voice still able to send chills down his spine. He wrapped one arm around Dean and entwined his hand with the other and swayed them slightly on the spot. He leant into Dean and rested his chin on the other's shoulder. He closed his eyes and let the music take over him, Dean voice echoing P!nk's movingly and Castiel had never felt more wanted.

Dean smiled softly and closed his eyes, continuing to sing along to the song as they began swaying slowly. Dean could sense people staring at them, but he didn't care. He didn't acknowledge anything besides Cas, the feeling of his warm body close to his own, wrapped up in Dean's arms where he belonged. Dean carded his fingers softly through Castiel's hair. When the song came to an end, Dean kissed Castiel slowly and meaningfully.

Castiel returned the kiss, ignoring the loud cheers from around them as the show came to an end. He was warm and content and he'd never felt more loved. He moved away only slightly to meet Dean's eyes and sighed. "Let's get out of here," he murmured with a happy grin, squeezing Dean slightly from around his waist.

Dean smiled in agreement, covering Castiel's hands with his own and taking them from around his waist, bringing them to his lips instead to press a few soft kisses against the knuckles. "That was so good," he sighed, feeling warm and buzzing with happiness and love. "Let's go back to the hotel, angel."

Castiel nodded, blushing slightly at Dean's intimate gesture. He took Dean's hand and held in his as he led them to the hotel. It wasn't too far a walk now Castiel knew where they were going. They made it back to the room and Castiel flopped on the bed with a content sigh and a slight giggle. "That was amazing. I can't believe we're really here," he said, shaking his head slightly.

Dean dove onto the bed, nearly landing on Cas, and then rolled halfway on top of him as he smiled down at him. "That was such an awesome surprise." Dean agreed, kissing Castiel slowly before sighing in contentment and rolling onto his back, sprawled across the bed beside Castiel and staring at the ceiling with a dazed smile.

Castiel smiled, looking up at Dean with bright eyes as he kissed him back and watched as he rolled away. He shifted to lay on his side and look over at Dean. "I'm glad you liked it," Castiel smiled. Reaching out and placing a hand flat against Dean's chest and over his heart. "We've got tonight here before we head back home in the morning," Castiel sighed. "How do you wanna spend your last night?"

Dean covered Castiel's hand with his own and held it there, closing his eyes and smiling softly. "I wanna spend it with you," he murmured, turning to look at Castiel. He put one hand on Castiel's face and gently traced his features, stroking his cheek and trailing his fingertips over the fair skin. "You're beautiful," he murmured. "Wish I could draw you."

Castiel smiled, blushing under gaze. The fact that Dean could still make him feel like that made him smile. "You can photograph me," he offered, more than willing to pose for Dean if their night in Paris was anything to go by. He pressed his lips to Dean's and leant back sighing. "I've got an idea. You wanna see London..properly I mean?"

Dean smiled against Castiel's lips and played with his fingers lazily. "Maybe later," he promised with a small smirk, "I wanna see London." He sat up and stretched, his throat and head aching slightly from the concert, but he was very content and happy. "What's the plan?" He asked, twisting his back as he stretched.

Castiel smirked, having planned something extra but not letting on to Dean. "Well it's dark out so we'll just have to take to the sky, come on, babe." He got up, taking Dean's hand and taking their jackets and heading back out the door. Castiel led them to the heart of the city, towards the London Eye. "You wanna?" he smirked, despite the thing looked barely functional.

Dean slipped on his jacket and walked with Cas out into the city towards the huge ferris wheel and he grinned. "Really?" He asked, squeezing Castiel's hand. "That looks awesome." They continued walking through the city, which was beautiful at night as it was in the day, and approached the London Eye.

The London eye wasn't something they used much at night but with Crowley's help he'd managed to persuade them to keep it open for them and only them. How powerful Crowley could be was rather astounding. He took Dean by the hand and led him to the pod to get onto the London Eye and found the pod with a violinist dressed in smart attire and lights lighting up the pod romantically. He laughed, shaking his head "I only asked him to help me out..I wasn't expecting..this," Castiel laughed.

Dean's eyes widened as he looked at the pod and noticed the lack of people around. "There's nobody here," he commented in confusion, and then smiled in understanding. "Ah. I'm guessing this is Crowley's doing?" They got into the compartment and Dean blushed slightly as he looked around. It was fancy, with the violinist and the romantic lighting, and Dean giggled shyly. "Wow, he really went all out."

Castiel chuckled, sitting on one of the benches close to Dean as the violinist played soft melodies. "I only asked him if he could help me out with getting on it 'cause I wanted you to see London and this is the best way but it closed way before the concert even finished. I wasn't expecting this from him," he gaped. He chuckled nervously, looking over at Dean. "I love you so much. I hope this is okay."

Dean grinned over at him and entwined their fingers. "This is so romantic," he murmured as the pod began to move and the violinist began playing beautiful music in the background. "I feel like we're in a movie," he breathed in amazement, looking around as they rose higher and the city lights came into view. "I love you, too. Crowley's really spoiling us, isn't he?" He leaned in slowly for a kiss.

Castiel chuckled in agreement. "Well once I told him you'd never been to England he didn't exactly argue. He and my mom are a bit attached to it if you haven't noticed." They eventually got to the top where the city could be seen all lit up. Big Ben, parliament, Wembley Stadium they could see it all and it was breathtaking. He looked over at Dean smiling brightly, "Beautiful," he breathed.

Dean looked excitedly over the city below them, all the buildings he'd only ever seen in photographs lit up amazingly at night. "Wow," he breathed, mouth dropping in amazement, and he turned to Castiel and smiled at him softly. "So beautiful," he agreed, snaking an arm around Castiel's waist and pulling him in for a slow, lingering kiss at the top of the wheel, the highest point they'd ever been. Dean's heart ached with love and happiness.

Castiel smiled into the kiss, arms wrapping around the other's waist. He didn't care about the violinist. She probably saw this sort of thing all the time if she was hired to play on the London Eye. Castiel sighed in Dean's arms. "Maybe we could see New Zealand for our next vacation," he grinned teasingly. "I wanna travel the world with you. I wanna give you the world." He pressed a kiss to Dean's lips and grinned happily.

Dean smiled and bumped his nose against Castiel's playfully, not letting go of him. "I don't need to see the world," Dean protested, "You are my world." He kissed Castiel again as the violin music swelled softly and romantically in the background, feeling a warmth in his chest that only happened whenever he was with Cas. He pulled back just a little and shifted closer so they were side to side, and rested his head against Castiel's as they gazed out at the city.

Castiel rolled his eyes fondly at Dean's cheesy words but still felt a warm blush creep up his neck. He watched the city contently, leaning against Dean as they began to come back down. He smiled sweetly and kissed Dean's temple. "I wish we could stay longer," he sighed. There was so much of England Castiel wanted to show Dean but they couldn't afford it. Maybe when they are married, he thought. They got off the London Eye and Castiel had a thought."Let's go get smashed in Camden. We can sleep on the plane. Why waste a night, right?"

Dean thanked the violinist as they exited the London Eye and he shivered slightly, pulling his coat further around him and tucking his hands into his pockets. "Good idea," Dean agreed enthusiastically, "Last night in Europe. Let's celebrate an awesome week!" They were walking away from the pod and along the lit streets. It was already pretty late but people were still out having fun.

Castiel grinned. Camden was known for the odd balls and clubs and Castiel had always wanted to go but was too young at the time. "I've never been drunk with you," Castiel realized as they got to one of the clubs. "Just texting and something about starfish," he giggled. The bouncer looked at them curiously but let them in after a moment, being the legal age to drink here. Castiel grinned, dragging Dean to the bar and ordering in his best English accent two pints and two shots of tequila.

Dean laughed as he realized Cas was right. This would be their first time getting completely wasted together, and it was in a dark nightclub with lots of other people and music and dancing. Dean grinned excitedly as they sat down at the crowded bar and Cas ordered their drinks with an English accent that had Dean feeling a little hot and bothered. He raised his drink to Cas and grinned widely at him. "To your stunning eyes and gorgeous smile." Dean toasted dramatically, smiling playfully.

Castiel laughed, raising his pint and clinking the glass gently against Dean's before practically draining its contents in one chug. Castiel looked over at Dean with challenging eyes and raised his tequila shot. "To your 46 freckles and beautiful dimples when you smile." He chugged the drink as well, feeling well and truly warm. "Shall we boogie?" he said with his best English accent and a wiggle of his eyebrows.

Dean drank his beer quickly, but Castiel out chugged him and Dean almost choked on his drink laughing. He threw back his tequila shot as well as he rolled his eyes at Castiel's toast. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and stood up to take his jacket off, still grinning as he wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist and they walked out to the dance floor. There was some hard beat, club music, playing, and once they were in the middle of the dance floor Dean turned to Cas and started dancing in time to the music, raising his arms in the air and swaying his hips to the beat.

Castiel grinned, dancing with Dean and feeling alive. They were engaged, in London and dancing to Alex Clare. Nothing could have been better than this. He swayed his hips roughly, standing close to Dean and swaying his hips. He loved this. Being with Dean having fun without a care in the world. The atmosphere was energetic despite it being late. The DJ was really good and making the experience just that much better.

Dean grinned slyly at Cas through his lashes and put his hands on Castiel's waist and dancing with him, faces close and breath hot between them as other dancing bodies occasionally jostled them. The atmosphere was hypnotic and exciting, and Dean slid one hand up to wrap around Castiel's back, hand gliding smoothly over Castiel's shirt and feeling the muscles underneath as they danced.

Castiel gasped but it was drowned out in the noise of the crowd. He leaned back into Dean's touch and grinned darkly. He stepped forward, dancing closer and practically grinding against Dean in retaliation. He leaned forward, their lips brushing and hot air mingling between them. It was intoxicating. The song ended way to soon and Castiel growled in annoyance, nipping at dean's lip. "Drink,"he mouthed, the music too loud to shout over.

Dean laughed breathlessly as they ground against each other on the dance floor, and he growled playfully and licked at Castiel's lips quickly before nodding in agreement and they began to make their way back over to the bar. Dean was already feeling kind of drunk and he laughed giddily as they emerged from the crowded dance floor and sat down at the bar again. Castiel's skin was flushed and sweaty, eyes bright and wide, and Dean couldn't stop looking at him.

"Like what you see, honey?" he smirked in his English accent, apparently being a little cheeky drunk tonight. He ordered six shots of tequila with limes and salt. He placed three in front of Dean and there in front of himself. He gave the salt of Dean and licked Dean's hand, pouring the salt over it and grinned. "All three," he challenged, placing the lime between his own lips and leaning towards Dean ready for him to take his shots.

Dean chuckled and messed up Castiel's hair, and then his eyes widened when Cas licked and salted his hand, tongue warm and wet on his skin, and he grinned challengingly back at Cas. He'd never done three shots of tequila before and wondered if he even could, but his competitive side was coming out and he took the first shot and raised it to his lips. He quickly knocked it back and winced at the burn in his throat, but he didn't stop for the lime and salt. He picked up the second shot and swallowed it quickly, feeling it burn down into his stomach, and he was already feeling warm and dizzy from the alcohol, but he went for the third one after a moment and swallowed it before raising his hand in the air triumphantly and licking the salt from his hand and leaning forward to bite the lime in Castiel's lips.

Castiel watched with..well, pride, as Dean downed all three and sucked the lime between his lips. He chuckled and dropped the lime, catching it as it fell between them. Castiel licked his own hand, pouring the salt on the already sweaty skin and placed a fresh slice of lime between Dean's lips before he could protest. He took a deep breath before taking the first shot, second and finally the third. He licked the salt and then sucked the lime between Dean's lips with a smirk etched into his lips. He spat out the lime and placed it on the counter, leaning back in to kiss Dean properly. he alcohol warm in his stomach. He felt light headed and giddy and needed to sing right this minute. In his best British accent he stood up on his chair and started singing the national anthem 'God save the queen'.

Dean coughed and his eyes watered, but before he could recover Castiel stuck a lime in his mouth and took his own three shots, and Dean clapped loudly and cheered as soon as the lime was out of his mouth, and then they were kissing, hot and drunk and tasting like lime and salt. Dean laughed breathlessly as the room spun, and he watched in disbelief as Castiel stood up on his bar stool and started singing the English national anthem. Dean slid out of his own seat in laughter, landing on the floor and hiccuping from the alcohol warm in his belly. He struggled back to his feet, still laughing, and applauded Castiel. People were staring and laughing, and some began to sing along drunkenly. Dean couldn't stop laughing and had to sit down and rest his head on the bar counter to try to calm down so he wouldn't pass out.

Castiel grinned as people started singing along and encouraging him and Castiel couldn't help but get into the swing of things. Swaying his arms as if to compose his drunken choir. He laughed when he finished and jumped back down to fall and stumble, gripping hold of Dean and lying across his lap with a loopy grin on his face. "Oh, hello, kind sir," he said innocently, the accent sticking. "Fancy a snog?" That was it, that's what set Castiel off into laughter. His cheeks pooling with red colour from laughing and alcohol. "Sor-" He was cut off from laughing again, he wiped the tears from his eyes and looked over at the bartender. "Oh barkeep, two pints of your finest ale," he called in his smooth English accent. "Oh, and a bottle of port," he added, remembering what Crowley had said..just.

Dean was laughing so hard he thought he was either going to throw up, piss himself, or pass out. Probably all three. Castiel was the happiest drunk Dean ever and Dean was practically falling off his stool. "Cas," he gasped, tears running down his face, "Cas, what the hell?!" He grabbed Castiel's face and kissed him hard, aiming for his mouth but he missed and got a mouthful of Castiel's hair instead. That made him laugh even harder and he choked on his own spit, which was even funnier for some reason. "Cas, you're killing me!" He slurred drunkenly, his face aching from smiling and his chest heaving with laughter. The bartender was grinning at them and shaking his head at Castiel's antics.

Castiel chuckled, he lovede seeing Dean like this. So relaxed and carefree. With help from the bartender he managed to take a photo of Dean whilst he was laughing on his phone. He thanked the bartender with a tip of his imaginary hat and paid for the drinks, asking him to keep the bottle safe until they had to leave. Castiel sat in Dean's lap and smiled, "I say, you appear to have a little something on your cheek," he said, deciding his English accent would stay for the duration of the evening. He wiped Dean's cheek carefully. "There. Now you are practically perfect in every way," he smirked, getting on the counter to start seeing songs from Mary Poppins, accent and all.

Cas was so drunk that Dean doubted he'd even remember any of this the next day, so he took out his camera and clumsily took a video of Cas. "You're embarrassing me," Dean complained without really meaning it. Actually, Cas was very entertaining and wild, and Dean was unable to stop laughing. Dean couldn't believe he was actually standing on the bar counter singing. He'd attracted quite a large crowd now, and people were clapping and cheering in encouragement, drinks and drunken smiles everywhere. Dean took some money out of his pocket and began throwing bills at Cas, and he even reached up to tuck a few into his belt. A few drunk girls started throwing money too.

Castiel laughed, dancing on the counter and bent over with laughter when Dean started throwing money at him. "I'm not a common harlot, Winchester," he pouted in his smooth English accent dramatic and over the top. He noticed a few drunk girls throwing money too and couldn't stop laughing. "However, I can't disappoint my fans," he continued. "The show must go on," he declared before dancing across the stage as he sang Benny and the Jets and gestured for Dean to join him. "Come on love, don't be shy."

Dean squinted in confusion. "What the fuck does that even mean?" He laughed breathlessly before reluctantly climbing on the counter and standing on it beside Cas. He clung to his fiance's shirt as he swayed and stumbled slightly. "We're going to fall down," he groaned, the room spinning and making him dizzy. There were more people now, lots of young drunk people raising their drinks to them and cheering them on, more people throwing money now, and Dean laughed and hid his face in Castiel's shoulder. He picked up his drink and almost spilled it everywhere as he chugged the rest of it down. The bartender let them stay up there for a few more minutes before he tapped the back of Dean's leg, causing Dean to turn around and grin down at him. "I'm gonna have to ask you boys to hop down," he said kindly, "Don't want you getting hurt." Dean nodded and turned to Cas. "The man said we have to get down or else we're going to fall off and die," he told Cas seriously, eyes wide and innocent.

Castiel gasped in shock, holding a hand to his head. "Bloody hell! Dean, I don't want to die. I'm too young." He gripped hold of Dean's shirt as he swayed. "I never got to see Rome." Castiel dead-panned before cracking up with laughter. He carefully slide of the counter, bowing slightly before holding a hand out for Dean. "My lady," he smirked, his loopy grin never leaving his face.

Dean shook his head in amusement and then grabbed Castiel's hand before clumsily climbing down from the counter, stumbling and staggering when his feet touched the ground, and he slung an arm around Castiel's shoulders to hold himself up as he puckered his lips and batted his eyelashes at Cas, offering his hand to be kissed and doing a curtsy. They looked insane, and someone had taken Dean's camera and was recording them and taking pictures on it, and Dean smiled gratefully at whoever it was. He wanted to remember this.

Castiel smirked, kissing Dean's hand. "Fancy a shag?" he murmured in a low voice in Dean's ear. Completely off his face and giddy as anything. "I am so arseholed," he laughed, staggering over to the dancefloor and mimicking the embarrassing moves to night fever. He grinned as he heard a few girls whooping and joining him on the dancefloor to dance to the cringe worthy moves.

Dean laughed, tipping his head back and shoving Castiel away. "You're crazy!" He yelled, laughing hard and taking another sip of his drink as he leaned back against the bar counter and watched Castiel stagger away to the dance floor and begin dancing, and soon people joined in and Dean face palmed and groaned quietly as he recognized the dance. More people started joining in, and within moments the DJ had noticed and changed the song to Night Fever, and a huge, laughing cheer rose up and Dean just collapsed against the bar counter, watching in amusement. His Cas was the life of the party.

Castiel cheered in celebration as the music changed to the correct song and kept dancing along and singing along as he led the dance. His hips swaying every which way. A few girls followed him closely and grinned over at him. "You're so fit, your fellas a right lucky git," one of them squawked in her heavy cockney accent. Castiel grinned, looking over in Dean's direction. "I don't know, I'd dare say I'm the lucky one." The girls seemed pleased with his answer and introduced themselves. "I'm Cindy, this is Scarlett and this is Jo." Castiel bowed slightly in greeting. "And I'm Castiel. That lucky skank over their is my fiancé, Dean." He looked over at Dean, and gestured for him to come over. "EY DEAN!" he called out. "GET YOUR ARSE OVER HERE."

Dean looked up as Cas waved him over and screamed from across the room, and he noticed some girls standing around Castiel. They were all staring at Dean but he was too drunk to feel self-conscious, so he pushed himself away from the bar and staggered over with a wide grin on his face, grabbing Castiel around the waist and tugging him forward for a quick kiss. "Hey, baby," he drawled, "You sure are on fire tonight." He turned to the girls with a proud smile. "This is my boy," he announced happily, "I'm gonna marry him." He ruffled Castiel's hair and then smoothed it down again, and then roughed it up once more, suddenly fascinated with it.

Castiel grinned, leaning into Dean. "Hey there gorgeous," he hummed, leaning up to share the kiss. Scarlett, Cindy and Jo all shared a look but Castiel was too drunk and happy to notice. "Get your hands outta my hair, arse," he muttered half-heartedly, taking Dean's hand and spinning him. "You're like a ballerina," he snorted. The girls laughed, "Oh my daze, you're like, so funny." Cindy nodded in agreement and started dancing again randomly with Jo. Castiel smiled and bowed once more, almost falling this time but he caught himself just in time. "It was nice meeting you but we must be off.." The girls whined in protest but Castiel grinned, tugging at Dean's hand. "Sorry, ladies. We've got a flight to catch in the morning." After saying their goodbyes and Castiel going back to get the bottle of port they headed back to the hotel.

Dean laughed and twirled exaggeratedly for Cas and the girls. Dean and Cas clung to each other as they left the dance floor and headed over to the bar. Once they were outside, the cool, fresh air only served to make Dean giddier and he leaned against Cas as they staggered down the street. Luckily the hotel wasn't that far, so they wouldn't have long to walk. Dean couldn't stop giggling, and he was beginning to feel sleepy and really dazed.

They made it into the hotel at least. That was something, Castiel thought as he lay on the hotel floor in the main reception, staring up at the ceiling and giggling like an idiot as he clutched to Crowley's port as if his life depended on it. It probably did if something were to happen to Crowley's liquor. He scraped himself of the floor and swayed, bumping into Dean. "You want me to model for you, petal?" he smirked, posing against the wall seductively, almost falling as he did so.

Dean stared at Cas tiredly as he lay on the middle of the floor in the hotel lobby. He stared until his eyes went out of focus and then he was too lazy to focus them again and he just stood there swaying. He began giggling, sounding slightly deranged to his own ears, and then Cas was suddenly beside him and almost knocked him off balance. Dean stumbled a little and then smiled stupidly at Cas, nodding. He snorted as Cas attempted a sexy pose and then he grabbed the front of his shirt. "Upstairs," he whispered, "Bed." He was too drunk to even form coherent sentences, but he knew Cas would get his meaning.

Castiel mocked salute and stumbled up the stairs to their room. He fumbled with thee key but managed to open it, going to the bed and laid down with his legs spread and looking lustrous at Dean. "M I sexy for you, kitten?" he said, his accent back to normal now that they were alone. He loved teasing Dean like this, despite how tired he was and the fact they had to be at the airport in a few hours.

Dean looked at Castiel as though he was contemplating his answer, and he shrugged. "I guess," he said with a teasing smirk, and then kicked off his shoes and threw off his jacket before letting out a war cry and diving onto the bed. He crawled on top of Castiel and kissed him sloppily a few times before he got too dizzy and collapsed against his chest. "You're warm and comfy," he muttered happily. "Like toast. Delicious buttered toast."

Castiel laughed, pressing his nose against Dean's and shifting them so they laid side by side. "More like a bacon sandwich, dumbass. Bacon is way better than stupid ol' toast." He huffed, leaning over Dean to set his phone on the table and set an alarm for when they had to wake up. "Best day ever," he grinned, kissing Dean as he came to lie down properly.

"Bacon... bacon toast?" Dean mumbled in confusion, eyes drooping closed as he poked Castiel in the stomach absently, and then smoothed his hands over Castiel's shirt. "Soft." He commented randomly, leaning over to brush his lips against Castiel's cheek. "Yeah, best day ever. Best week ever..." He yawned and blinked as he tried to keep his eyes open.

Castiel hummed, curling up against Dean and closing his eyes. "Best week of our lives so far," he dreamed with a loopy grin. He pressed a kiss to Dean's cheek, nuzzling against it as he fell asleep murmuring about rabbits and how they aren't good for the economy.

Dean giggled sleepily and relaxed into the mattress beside Castiel, feeling comfortable and warm and slightly dizzy. He listened to Castiel's random rambling about rabbits and somehow it made sense to him. "Also... also..." Dean mumbled, slightly frustrated that he couldn't put his thoughts into words, "Too much lettuce," he sighed, and fell asleep shortly after.


	33. Chapter 33

Castiel fell asleep shortly after Dean and woke up to the horrid screeching of his phone alarm. He winced and groaned, smacking Dean in the face, misjudging the distance between himself and the phone. He winced,kissing Dean's cheek as he tumbled over him to get to his phone. "Sorry, baby," he mumbled, blinking and wincing at the sharp pain in his head.

Dean woke up to a slap on the face and was startled, scrambling backwards and banging his already aching head on the headboard. "What the fuck?" He mumbled, glaring at Cas and rubbing his cheek. "Good morning to you, too," he grumbled, burying his face in Castiel's shoulder and groaning quietly and wincing. "What time is it," he muttered, not bothering to move or open his eyes.

Castiel groaned, "8:00am, we gotta plane to catch." Castiel scrambled out of bed and fell flat on his face as he fell to the floor. He was pretty sure he was still drunk from last night. He checked for their passports and got their stuff together..just. He tugged at Dean's feet and growled playfully. "Come on, love. Up on your feet, lickety split,"he said in his drunken english accent. .

Dean groaned and then burst out laughing as he heard a thud. When Cas grabbed Dean's feet, he whined and struggled before reluctantly crawling out of bed and landing on the floor on his knees. He crawled into the bathroom, head pounding and stomach churning unpleasantly. The room was spinning and he didn't think he could stand up. When he reached the bathroom he collapsed face first on the cold tile and moaned quietly, too tired to get up. "I can't," he complained weakly, "I'm dying. My head's gonna explode and I'm gonna die."

Luckily for Castiel he was still riding off the thrill from last night and managed to sway into the bathroom and pick Dean up off the floor. "Wrong way, babydoll. We gotta go." He looked around and found a half empty bottle of wine they must have taken with them. He took a huge chug to take the morning breath taste out of his mouth. He managed to pick up Dean and move them out the door with their bags.

"We can't go out in public like this," Dean protested weakly as he was pulled to his feet and dragged out of the hotel. He knew he was being pathetic but he felt too shitty to be embarrassed. He leaned on Castiel for support as he tried to find his footing, but the floor seemed to be rocking underneath him, and his head was in so much pain he thought he was going to throw up.

"Well unless you have a way to get back to America without being seen then please, share with the class," Castiel mumbled. They got into a taxi and headed for the airport, Castiel scrambling through their bags to give some water to Dean. They somehow managed to get to the airport and with the help of the staff board the plane without too much trouble.

Dean stumbled along sleepily, feeling like he was in a dream and not even aware of their surroundings when they finally got on the plane. When Dean sat down in the chair, head pounding and throbbing, he closed his eyes and started to doze off, but we woke up when the plane took off and that made his head hurt even more.

Castiel was in the chair next to Dean and fast asleep, the wine having made him warm and fuzzy. He slumped against Dean, snoring softly as he slept through the safety demonstration and the take off. He slept most of the flight too, not even noticing when they landed a good ten hours later, having slept off the most of his hangover.

Dean woke up to feel his ears popping, and he looked out the window and saw that they were landing. He felt much better but still exhausted and groggy, and he nudged Castiel with his elbow. "Hey, we're here," he yawned, stretching and turning to Cas to shake his shoulder lightly. "Home sweet home," he said with another yawn and a content smile.

Castiel grumbled, something sharp jabbing his side. He peered open his eyes, light burning and making him wince. He looked around, seeing everyone starting to move and Castiel groaned, his head pounding and last night coming back to him like something bit his ass. "Oh God," he groaned, covering his face. "I didn't sing did I?"

Dean smirked and took his camera out of his pocket. He waved it in Castiel's face. "That's not all you did," he said, laughing. He stood up and grabbed their bags, and they got out of the plane and headed into the airport. "Ahh, America." Dean breathed, "Smells like fast food and eagles." They walked through the airport and got their bags, and then they headed outside to find a taxi to drive them home.

Castiel groaned, he couldn't remember anything. He trailed along aimlessly after Dean, sighing audibly. As they waited outside a black car rolled past, gradually coming to a stop just in front of them. "Hello boys," Crowley purred, as he rolled down the window. His driver took their bags and opened the door for them. Castiel took up one side of the car, making Dean sit with Crowley as he laid on his side, dying from the ache in his head. Crowley raised an eyebrow. "Rough night?" he smirked, looking over at Dean.

Dean nodded weakly as he sat in the car beside Crowley while Castiel stretched out on the other side of the fancy car. "Yeah, rough night." He confirmed dryly. He held up his hand and showed Crowley the ring with a proud smile. "Thank you for everything, Crowley." He said earnestly, knowing that none of this trip would have been possible without him.

Crowley smiled and glanced at the ring. "Congratulations, I'd offer you a drink but I fear that may have already been the case," he said with a smug smirk. Castiel groaned and shifted just enough to look over at Crowley. "Can you take us to Dean's?" Crowley looked upset, "What no 'How've you been, Crowley? Thanks for the lift Crowley. The cheek of some people," Crowley said half-heartedly. "Where's my port, boy?" Castiel groaned, mumbling something about it being in the trunk. When they got to Dean's the driver had to practically scoop Castiel up and place him on the doorstep before getting their bags. Castiel didn't even seem too bothered by it, slumping against the door before it swung open and he hit his head on the floor with a groan.

Dean stood at the front door and was about to set his bag down to open the door, but it swung open before he could and Sam stood on the other side staring down at Cas in confusion. "Sam!" Dean exclaimed accusingly, gesturing at Cas, "Look what you did." Sam stepped over Cas and then crouched down beside him, lightly poking his face. "Is he drunk?" He asked in disbelief, "Dean, what did you do to him?" Dean ignored him and sighed, pulling Sam into a tight hug. "Did you miss me?" He smirked, and Sam rolled his eyes. "Did you get me presents?" He retorted, and Dean laughed and shoved Sam in the chest. "Look," he said, holding up his hand proudly. "Cas and I are engaged. You can be the maid of honor, Samantha." Sam grinned widely and hugged Dean hard, ignoring the second comment. "Dean!" He practically squealed, "Oh my God, I'm so happy for you guys."

Crowley didn't stay, driving off as soon as the boys were dropped off. Castiel pouted and shuffled into sitting position as Sam ignored him and stepped over him to get to Dean. A little help wouldn't go a miss. "If you ladies are quite done," he said dryly, again in his English accent being the little annoying bitch he was when he got cranky. He managed to stand up, leaning against Dean and pressing his lips to Dean's cheek for a long moment before resting against him. "You are going to delete whatever it is that's on your phone," he said looking at Dean before looking at Sam. "And you, you are going to listen to me talk about how amazing your brother is whilst you fix me an icepack for my head and a pot of coffee. I have a blinder of a headache."

Dean scowled at Cas. "Quit being a pissy little drama queen," he muttered, "You're not the only one who's hungover here. Don't listen to him, Sammy. Give me some painkillers, would you? My pain is worse." Sam laughed and hugged Castiel as well. "You two are already like a married couple," he said happily, "Listen to you, arguing and complaining like old people. It's adorable." Dean flipped him off and wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist as they stumbled into the house and collapsed on the couch. "Where's Dad?" Dean asked absently, playing with Castiel's fingers, and Sam carried their stuff into the house and put it on the living room floor. "He's getting groceries," Sam said, "He'll be back in about an hour, I think."

Castiel stuck his tongue out at Dean, deciding being a four year old was what would be appropriate today. "I don't recall you drinking as much, lightweight," he muttered, collapsing on the couch with Dean. He kissed Dean's ring finger and smiled tiredly up at him. "Please delete whatever it is you took of me last night. I don't think I even wanna know what happened," he groaned, blinking to try and stay awake.

Dean smirked and shook his head. "No way, it was too funny." He took his phone out and played one of the videos from the bar, the one of Castiel dancing and singing on the bar counter and people throwing money at him. The only thing audible in the video was Dean's choking laughter and the muffled sounds of crowd noise and loud music were in the background. "Man, you were so drunk," he laughed, carding his fingers through Castiel's hair. "And we need a shower," he said with a grimace.

Castiel groaned, hiding his face in Dean's neck. "I hate you," he murmured half-heartedly. "Why did you let me drink that much?" he groaned. The thought of a shower made him hum, "Can we have one together? I don't think I can stand up on my own." Castiel played with Dean's fingers, pressing the cool metal of Dean's ring to his cheek.

"Haha, you love me." Dean said with a smirk, slowly standing up. "Come on, let's go take a shower before Dad gets home." Dean tugged Castiel to his feet and called into the kitchen where Sam was making coffee, "Don't come upstairs and don't interrupt us!" To which Sam replied, "Dean, you're so gross!" Dean laughed and grabbed Castiel's hand, walking up the stairs and bringing Castiel to the bathroom.

Castiel was about to explain it wasn't what Sam thought but then thought why bother. He was led up to the bathroom and he quickly stripped, tumbling and staggering over Dean a few times as he did so. He finally got undressed and stepped into the shower, letting the warm water wash over him. He gestured for Dean to join him as he started rubbing soap into his skin.

Dean stepped into the shower after Castiel and poured a generous amount of shampoo on his head and scrubbed his hair methodically, but being careful not to hurt his already aching and sore head. He groaned quietly and leaned his forehead against the cool tile of the shower wall. "Shit," he murmured, "I never want to drink again." He felt like absolute crap and he wasn't happy about it, even if they did have a lot of fun that night.

"It'd be worth it if I could remember what happened," Castiel muttered, scrubbing his own hair with shampoo and being careful not to get any in his eyes. He rinsed his hair and worked the soap out of his skin, scrubbing his arms and torso with his hand. He felt a lot better as the water sobered him up and he got out the shower to dry himself off and padded into Dean's room to find some clothes.

"That's what the videos are for," Dean replied dryly as he finished up washing himself and and then followed Cas back to his room and searched for something to wear. Dean picked out a pair of boxers, sweatpants, and a hoodie and pulled them on before flopping back onto his bed with a content sigh. "That was an amazing week but there's nothing better than coming home to your own bed," he murmured, curling up on his side and feeling cozy and warm.

Castiel picked out attire similar to Dean's, apart from the hoodie, too hot to wear a top he curled up next to Dean and sighed happily. "Especially if you're in the bed," he murmured with a soft smile as he close his eyes. His arms wrapped around Dean as his head tucked under his fiancé's. "I love you," he yawned softly.

Dean hummed in agreement and wrapped his arms around Castiel's body, keeping him close. "When we're married we can sleep like this every night," Dean said dreamily, "And it'll be our bed, not mine and not yours, just ours." He yawned widely and started to drift off to sleep with a soft smile on his face. "I love you too," he murmured.

Castiel smiled at the thought of them owning their own stuff. He fell asleep shortly after in Dean's arms. He awoke feeling a lot fresher and warm in Dean's arms. The other still asleep he kissed his nose and carefully scooted out of his arms, grabbing a t-shirt he padded downstairs to get a drink of water.

Sam and John were putting the groceries away when Castiel walked into the kitchen alone. Sam smiled at him, glad to see he was looking a lot more well-rested and generally happier. John smiled politely at Cas as he stood up from putting something in the fridge. "How was your trip?" He asked, "Did you and Dean have a nice time?"

Castiel gave Sam a genuine smile and John a neutral one. "Good, I got to show Dean where I grew up so I think it went okay," he said, not wanting to say anything without Dean in the room. He wasn't sure he wanted to tell John the details of their trip. Just Sammy. Sammy deserved his time, John didn't. He grabbed a glass and poured himself a glass of water and drained it with a refreshing sigh.

Sam exchanged a look with Cas when he noticed the awkward tension fill the room. "Is Dean still sleeping off the jet lag?" John asked, and Sam nodded, glancing at Cas. "Hey, Cas." Sam said suddenly, "Wanna go play video games?" He attempted to dispel the tension and he knew that when Dean came downstairs things could possibly get ugly when John saw the engagement ring.

Castiel shrugged, "Sure, sounds fun." He rinsed the glass out and placed it on the draining board. He went into the hallway and rustled through his bag before finding what he wanted and placed a bottle of red wine on the counter in front of John as a sort of peace offering, knowing there would be hell when he found out they were engaged. "It goes well with beef," he mentioned casually before going with Sam into the other room to play video games.

Sam's eyes widened as Castiel placed a bottle of wine in front of John. John stared at it for a moment before picking it up and looking at the label, then back up at Castiel, about to thank him, but he was already walking out of the room. Sam smiled encouragingly at John and then followed Cas to the living room. Sam handed Cas a controller and then turned on the TV, starting up whatever game was in the player. "You think he's gonna flip out?" Sam whispered as the game loaded.

Castiel took the controller wordlessly and pressed start, choosing his character and weapons as the game loaded. "Most definitely " he said soberly. He didn't even care that John didn't like him anymore. He was used to it. Him flipping out wasn't exactly going to be a surprise. He started shooting the zombies as they came towards them, sticking his tongue out in concentration. "The better question would be, will he drink the wine or use it to throw at my head when he finds out I'm to wed his son," he said dryly. "It would certainly be a more interesting rendition of Balthazar's plate throwing abilities."

Sam snorted a little at Castiel's comment and killed a few zombies. "If he tries anything I'll stop him," Sam said confidently, but he was more than a little nervous about what would possibly happen. After a few minutes, Dean wandered downstairs, yawning and coming to sit on the couch between Sam and Cas and staring at the television screen as they played the video game. "Hey," he greeted, "Is Dad home yet?" Sam nodded. "Yeah, he's in the kitchen. When are you guys gonna tell him?" Dean shrugged and bit his lip, looking at Cas. "Should we just get it over with?"

Castiel smiled as he felt Dean sit behind them, feeling better in his presence. He paused the game and dropped the controller on the floor as he looked over at Dean with a small smile. "Might as well." He stood and gave Sam a reassuring smile that everything would be okay. He took Dean's right hand and walked with him into the kitchen. He eyed the wine and judged just where to duck if the occasion rose that he had to dodge to item with ease. His gaze moved over to John and smiled slightly to try and appear like he was happy and wanted to have this conversation.

Heart pounding and chest tight with nerves, Dean walked with Cas to the kitchen, Sam trailing behind just in case he was needed. Dean squeezed Castiel's hand and wondered what was going to happen. John looked up at them and smiled at Dean. "I heard you had a good time overseas, son," John said, and Dean nodded with a nervous smile. "Yeah. A really good time. We, uh... We have something to tell you," Dean's voice trembled slightly and he had to clear his throat, squeezing Castiel's hand tightly. "Cas and I are getting married. We're engaged." John looked at Dean disbelievingly and then suddenly burst out laughing, much to Dean's surprise. "You're not serious," he said, amused, and Dean didn't say anything.

"You think I would joke about a thing like that?" Castiel said, stepping in and squeezing Dean's hand back. "I may be a lot of things but I would never play with the heartstrings of another just to get a cheap laugh." Castiel was actually quite angry that John was laughing. He'd rather be punched than this. This actually hurt. "I love your son and I plan to spend the rest of my life devoted to him. We'll walk down that aisle whether you wish to be a part of our special day or not. It is really up to you whether or not you choose to take your sons decisions seriously."

Dean found his voice then, Castiel's presence beside him giving him strength, and he spoke up. "We're getting married," he said more firmly, and held up his trembling hand to show John the ring. "Cas proposed to me, gave me this ring, and I said yes. I'm in love with him and I don't give a shit what you think you know." John stopped smiling and narrowed his eyes at both of them. "You're kids," he said, voice dangerously low, "You don't know the first thing about love. Dean, why are you still fooling around like this? You're not actually going to marry this boy, that's ridiculous. You think you're in love, you think you've found your soul mate, but how the hell would you know? There's so many other people out there, you're only a teenager for fuck's sake!" John was raising his voice, clearly getting more and more furious, and Dean stepped slightly in front of Cas, instinctively protective. "You're only mad 'cause he's a guy!" Dean yelled, and John slammed his fist on the table, startling everyone into silence. "Enough!" He bellowed.

Castiel smiled as Dean stood up for them to his father. Castiel was willing to take the fall but it gave him confidence to know he was doing the right thing if Dean felt the same way. John rose his voice and Castiel had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. "We're 18," he corrected. "We're not marrying until we're at least 21," he reasoned calmly. "That gives us enough time to finish school, get respectable jobs and find our own place. This isn't something we wish to do over night. It's something that'll take time and bring us closer together." He gently moved Dean out the way so he could stand in front of John face on. "And I'm sure my gender is most definitely the reason for your anger," he said boldly, no going back now. "Because if Dean had gotten a girl pregnant, I'm sure you'd be forcing the idea of marriage down his throat despite their obvious lack of commitment or love."

John barked a cold laugh. "Right. Okay, I may not be able to stop you but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I'll be honest with you, kid. I'm not entirely comfortable with my son being a homosexual. And I don't believe he should marry you. But if you two are actually serious about this, I am not going to have anything to do with either of you. Once Dean moves out, that's it. Done. I think you ought to go, boy. This is my house and I'm ordering you to leave right now."

Castiel sighed, annoyed that John can't even keep it together for the sake of his son. His own flesh and blood that he's supposed to love and protect. "I'm sorry to hear that, I really am," Castiel said truthfully, thinking despite how much of a dick John was he had been there for Dean in the hospital. He had that potential to be a good father he just kept falling at the last hurdle. He looked over at Dean and squeezed his hand, pressing his ringed hand to his lips. Although he didn't care what John thought, he thought this might be better than kissing his son right in front of him. He wasn't going to push things and make them worse. "I'll call tonight," he smiled, looking over at Sam to make sure he was okay too as he picked up his bag from the front door and left the house. He wanted to stay but it was John's house after all, he couldn't do anything to stop him from kicking him out and he didn't want to make matters worse by protesting.

Dean nodded sadly and forced a small smile for Cas, and he watched as he walked away and left the house. Nobody moved. Dean stared at the floor. "I really fucking hate you," He murmured calmly and walked away to his room. He didn't cry until his door was locked and he was curled up on the bed under his blanket with the lights out, sobbing quietly into a pillow. Sam knocked on his door a few minutes later but Dean ignored him until he went away.

Castiel, unsure what to do, went back to Crowley's. Everyone was out, his mom still in France and Crowley at work. He wasn't sure where Bobby was but he found himself to upset to care. John had been given many chances to prove himself and yet he still failed to do so. He sighed, dropping his bag by the door and laid down on the couch. His hand pressed against his stomach and his other arm slung across his forehead. He closed his eyes and waited until he thought it would be okay to phone Dean.

Dean stopped crying after a while and became angry and determined instead. Feeling rebellious, he called Castiel and spoke in hushed tones. "Cas, let's get out of here," he said, "I'll come pick you up and we can just leave. I can't take this anymore." He knew he was being ridiculous, but he didn't care. Dean didn't care anymore, he'd given up trying to please his father and now he just didn't want anything to do with him anymore. "Let's run away."

Castiel picked up his phone as soon as it chimed and listened to Dean's quiet voice. He sounded like he'd been crying and he bit his lip as he listened to Dean. "Love, just take a deep breath," he instructed, waiting a moment before continuing. "Everything is going to be okay. We just need to get through school and then we can do what we want. For now you've just got to be strong and look out for Sammy."

Dean tried to breathe but his chest was too tight and it made him even more frustrated. "Cas, please. We can go live in the cabin and still go to school and everything. I can't be here anymore. My dad looks at me like I'm a stranger and I'm never going to feel safe in my own house again, and he's not gonna let you come over at all and we're gonna have to sneak around just like we did before. Let's just leave."

Castiel shook his head. "You've got to stay strong for Sammy. We can't just leave him there." Castiel sighed, "I know, love. I just don't think it's the best idea right now. You're not thinking straight." He took a deep breath as he tried to reason with Dean. "It's the summer. We can go to the cabin, come to Bobby's we can go anywhere we want. We're free. Let's just stay where we are for now. Just play out the summer and then work it out from there love, okay?"

Dean sighed and collapsed back on his bed again, closing his eyes. Cas was right. Dean needed to calm down and stop freaking out because that wouldn't get them anywhere. "Okay," he breathed. He paused for a long moment just breathed. "My dad's an asshole," he whispered sadly a moment later. "Why does everyone who's supposed to love us treat us like we're dirt?"

Castiel sighed, holding the phone as if it was Dean's hand, trying to connect with him. "I know, honey. We love each other, that's all that matters." It was a shame John couldn't even man up and be there for his son. Unlike Castiel's father, John actually cared about his son. That much was evident when he came to the hospital. Castiel's dad only would have shown up to make sure whatever bastard put him there finished the job. "We'll go to the cabin, get away from it all but we've got to come back too," he haggled. "We can't just uproot and leave. Not just yet. Give it time. Who knows, maybe with our last year of school he might adjust to the idea." He knew it was a lost cause but there was no harm in trying. "But when we finally get our own place. We can go to college, gets jobs, start a family," he sighed dreamily. "It'll be worth the wait."

Dean sighed tiredly, rubbing his head with the palm of his hand. "Yeah," he agreed quietly, "You're right. Thanks," He sniffed and clutched the phone tighter. "Can you get out right now or are you busy?" He asked timidly, "Sorry, I just... I need to get away from my house right now. Can I come get you?"

Castiel nodded before realizing Dean couldn't see him. "No, of course. I'm at Bobby's just come get me and we'll go get some dinner. Bring Sam if you want. I'm sure he needs some space too." He hung up the phone after saying goodbye and went to change out of Dean's clothes and into something nice for dinner. He pulled out the outfit Dean had bought him and smiled as he wrapped the scarf loosely around his neck. He went downstairs and waited for Dean.

Dean put on some jeans and a dark tee shirt with the jacket Castiel had gotten him in Paris and then stood in front of the mirror staring at himself. He looked like shit; hair messed up, face red and blotchy, eyes swollen and red from crying. He supposed it didn't matter. He headed downstairs and grabbed Sam, wordlessly pulling him out to the garage. "What are you doing?" Sam asked in confusion, and Dean just opened the car door. "Come on, we're gonna pick up Cas and just get out of here for a little while." "Dean, are you okay?" Dean sighed and shook his head. "I don't wanna talk right now, Sammy," he said quietly, pulling out of the driveway and heading to Bobby's house. He remembered the way somehow and pulled up to the curb.

Castiel saw Dean and Sam pull up on the curb and he bounded out of the house, opening Dean's door and sitting in his lap as he hugged him tightly. "It's okay, love," he whispered into his hair. "We'll be okay." He pulled back just enough to look at him and sighed sadly. He looked a mess. He cupped his cheek and rubbed his thumb over the creases in his forehead to smooth them out. "Hey Sammy," he said sheepishly when he realized they weren't alone.

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and closed his eyes to stop the tears from falling, but he sobbed quietly anyway. He buried his face in Castiel's neck, not even caring what Sam thought, and he felt his brother's hand on his shoulder, a heavy reassuring weight. He sniffed and pulled back a little to look over at Sam and wipe his eyes. Sam looked sad, eyes wide and wet, and Dean loved him so much right then. "Hey, Cas." He said back, getting out of the car and moving to the back seat to let Cas sit in the front.

Castiel smiled thankfully when Sam moved. He shifted to the other side and stayed by Dean, stroking his hair. "Baby, we'll go get some burgers and tell Sammy all about our trip. Huh? That sound good?" He kissed Dean's cheek and smiled over at Sam.

"Yeah," Dean murmured, smiling sadly at Cas and taking a deep breath. It was probably best to put his mind off of John and just focus on something easier to think about. "Thanks, Cas." He pulled out of the driveway and headed into town, driving through the streets and searching for a restaurant to go to. "You guys have any preference?" He asked, and Sam shrugged. "I'm fine with anything."

Castiel smiled, "Can we go to that burger joint? You know that one we got take out from for prom because we were too afraid to be seen together?" He took Dean's hand and squeezed it before letting go. They were stronger now. They could be seen together. "I wanna go inside."

Dean smiled over at Cas and squeezed his hand back, nodding. "That's a great idea," he said meaningfully. It didn't matter that people from school worked there sometimes, or if they would see people they knew. Dean drove to the burger joint and by chance parked in the same spot he had on prom night, and he smiled at the nostalgia and memories of that night. He turned off the car and got out, waiting for Sam and Cas to follow suit.

Castiel hung back a bit, talking to Sam as they walked together. "Hey, thanks for being there Sammy, he said meaningfully. "f something had of happened, it's nice to know you would of had our backs." They went into the burger joint and took a seat by he window in the far corner.

Sam smiled slightly at Cas and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in for a sideways hug as they walked. "No problem," he murmured, "I can't stand to see Dad put you guys down. You don't deserve it and it's not fair." When they sat down at the table, Dean sat alone on one side of the booth while Sam sat with Cas across from him. The restaurant wasn't very busy and a waitress came by relatively quickly to take their orders.

Castiel sighed and rested his head on Sam's shoulder. "You're the best guy ever, Sammy. It's truly an honour to get to call you brother." He ordered a burger, fries and coke. Adding extra bacon and cheese as an after thought. The waitress gave Dean a smile and Castiel reached out to take his hand...which made her give them a questioning look considering he was leaning against Sam but he couldn't care less.

Dean laughed at the waitress' confusion and decided to mess with her a little. She was obviously flirting with him but looked a little confused that he was holding hands with Cas and Cas was leaning his head on Sam's shoulder. Sam tried to disguise his laughter with a cough and put his arm around Castiel's shoulder while making sexy eyes at Dean. "Hey, sweetheart," Dean said flirtatiously to the waitress, "I'd like a bacon cheeseburger with extra fries and a milkshake. I'm feeling pretty hungry tonight." Sam winked at her and Dean struggled to keep a straight face.

Castiel couldn't help but laugh a little, feeling sorry for the woman. "You're horrid," Castiel whispered to Sam with a smirk. The waitress managed to get their orders and walk away still confused as anything but holding high hopes for Dean as she gave him a flirtatious look as she left. "Guess rings mean nothing to her either," Castiel muttered.

Dean laughed out loud as soon as she was out of earshot, even though she looked at Dean over her shoulder as she strutted away. "Maybe she wants to join in," he smirked, and Sam made a horrified face and punched him from across the table. "Dude." Sam said, shaking his head in amusement, and Dean made a face at him and then grinned at Cas. "Yeah, she's probably too busy looking at my godlike face to notice any rings on my hands," he teased.

Castiel pouted, shifting to sit with Dean..well more on Dean. Sat in his lap whilst he played with the other's hair. "Then I guess I'll just have to show her you're taken." He played with Dean's fingers happily, staring at the ring and kissing the fingertips individually. "I love you, kitten," he murmured happily.

Dean smiled up at Cas and slid a hand up his neck. He pulled Cas down for a slow, lingering kiss, and Sam groaned. "Guys, we're in a restaurant. And I'm sitting right here, I didn't come along on this date or whatever it is just so I could be the third wheel!" Dean pulled back in annoyance and kicked his brother under the table, and Sam glared at him and huffed a sigh, but Dean could see that his anger was all for show.

Castiel chuckled, blushing a little as he sat back down by Sam, kissing his forehead with a dramatic 'mwah'. "Hey, it ain't my fault my fiancé is so damn sexy I wanna kiss him every chance I get." Castiel knew this would annoy Sam and couldn't help but laugh.

Dean laughed into his fist as Castiel kissed Sam's forehead and teased him. Sam scooted away from Cas and leaned over, making an exaggerated horrified face. "Dude, gross." He exclaimed, blushing awkwardly. Dean laughed and nudged Sam. "Sorry, didn't mean to make you jealous, Samantha. Cas loves you too, see?"

Castiel chuckled, "I'm only joking, Sammy. 'cept the last part. I do love you. You're like the brother I never got a chance to have." If he really thought about it. It as surprising how true hat was. Jimmy was the closest thing he had to a brother but at times he seems more of a responsibility than a best friend. Jimmy was too weak to defend Castiel like Sam could.

Dean smiled softly at the two of them and was overwhelmed with love and gratitude that these two boys, the two most amazing, important, loved people in his life, hadn't left him and were still here with him despite everything that had happened. Sam smiled at Cas and sat back up, wrapping his arm around his shoulders and grinning widely at him and Dean. "I'm glad you're marrying him," Sam said to Dean, "He's a keeper. I like him."

Castiel smiled leaning into Sam slightly. "Good to know I have your approval. Your opinion is important to me, to us." The food came shortly after that and Castiel made sure to lure Dean across the table to steal a kiss so she knew who's he was.

Dean grinned down at his food, stomach rumbling and mouth watering, but he ignored it to give Castiel a kiss when the waitress could see. Sam smirked at the waitress, who looked very confused and a little uncomfortable, but she smiled politely at all three of them and left quickly.

Castiel grinned triumphantly as he took a huge mouthful of burger and moaned almost pornographically. "Oh my God, this is better than sex," he groaned, taking another bite enthusiastically. "Babe, you've gotta try this."

Sam groaned and hid his face in his hands and Dean gave Cas a wounded look. "What?" He said, clutching at his chest dramatically and pouting. "If that's what you think, then no more sex for a week." Sam covered his hears and started humming loudly, causing Dean to snort and throw a fry at him. "Grow up, bitch. How old are you, 12?" He rolled his eyes in amusement and took a bite of his burger, nodding in approval. "It's good, but I still think sex is better," he murmured since Sam was still covering his ears and humming.

Castiel laughed, "I'm pretty sure I could last longer without it than you." He took another bite and smiled apologetically at Dean. "Sorry honey, if I had to choose this burger would be at the top of my list right now." He grinned, poking Sam in the ribs to tell him it was okay to listen now.

Dean glared at Cas and shook his head. "You're evil," he told him sincerely, taking a sip of his milkshake. Sam looked up and huffed a frustrated sigh at Dean. "Why'd I let you drag me into this?" He complained, "You guys are so gross. The last thing I want to think about is my brother and my friend doing... stuff." He blushed a little and Dean grinned at him. "So, how's your love life going, Sammy?" He asked, which caused Sam to smile and blush even harder, glancing away from Dean and focusing on his food. "Good," he said, and Dean smiled widely and genuinely, happy that his brother was happy.

Castiel grinned, sticking his tongue out at Dean. He looked curiously up at Sam. "You still seeing Ruby?" he asked, it being hard to tell what was going on now that they were out of school. He finished his food and sipped at his coke absently. He was glad to see Sam happy. It seemed like Sam had less chances to escape his father than Dean and he was worried he was feeling down because of it.

Sam nodded shyly, looking up at Dean for approval, and Dean grinned back at him. "Yeah. She's really nice. Dad wants to meet her, though." Dean's smile faded a little and so did Sam's as he looked between them. "I'm sure it'll be fine," Dean reassured, and Sam sighed. "I'm really sorry it didn't work out with Dad for you guys," he said, and Dean shrugged. "Oh well. Nothing we can do about it, I guess. It doesn't really matter anyway."

Castiel jut shrugged. "He had his chance in the hospital, I ain't giving him another one." He reached out for Dean's hand. "If he doesn't want anything to do with us then that's fine too. We've still got each other. He can't take that away from us." He let go of Dean's hand and stole a fry in the process.

Dean halfheartedly batted Castiel's hand away from his plate and stared thoughtfully down at the table. "Yeah," he said quietly, "I'm just really disappointed in him. I don't think Mom would've acted the same way about this," Sam looked up sharply at the mention of their mother, and watched Dean closely. "I wish she was alive to see us get married," he whispered to Cas.

Castiel sighed, going around the table to sit in Dean lap and hold him close. His hand tangled in the other's hair. "I know, love. It's like me with Jimmy. But you gotta remember, they're watching over us and they're so proud of you and me. We've just gotta get through this."

Dean smiled sadly and wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist, shifting under him so Castiel's tailbone wasn't digging into his thigh. "Yeah," he agreed softly, "If Jimmy were still with us I'd want him to be our best man." He looked over Castiel's shoulder to grin teasingly at Sam. "You get to be the Maid of Honor." He reminded him, and Sam rolled his eyes fondly. "Pass," he muttered with a smirk, and Dean laughed and buried his face in Castiel's neck, sighing deeply. Just then, the waitress came back to check on them and she rose her eyebrows in confusion and smiled awkwardly when she saw Castiel and Dean. Sam sighed and exchanged a look with the waitress. "They do this all the time," he explained, "You get used to it." She blushed slightly and asked if they needed any more to drink, and Sam asked for a refill of his coke.

Castiel smiled, laughing along with Dean. It was funny to think how easily they could cheer one another up. When the waitress came over yet again he rolled his eye. "Honey, this is my fiancé. That's his brother. He's taken. Stop with the looks, you ain't getting anywhere, okay?" He probably didn't need to be so harsh but Castiel was not in the mood for games.

The waitress looked slightly taken aback and Dean shot Castiel a glare and then looked up at the waitress apologetically, still holding Cas on his lap. "Sorry," he said to her earnestly, "He's on his monthly cycle. Don't listen to him." Sam huffed an annoyed sigh. "Shut up, Dean. They're both idiots," he told the waitress, "They're getting married and I have a girlfriend. Sorry about any misleadings, I'm really sorry about them."

Castiel scowled at Dean, "What?! Don't give me that look. This keeps happening and I'm sick of it. You're wearing an engagement ring and I'm sat in your lap for Christ sakes. it's not like we could be anymore obvious." Castiel wasn't sure why he was taking this out on Dean. He felt as if he'd been feeling this crap for a while now. It was only just beginning to tip and show.

The waitress had left, and Dean was glad for it. He put his hands on either side of Castiel's face and stared into his eyes. "Hey, relax," he soothed, "She wasn't gonna try anything and you know I wouldn't let her." He stroked Castiel's forehead gently, trying to smooth out the harsh lines on his forehead. Sam muttered under his breath, something that sounded like "old married couple," but Dean ignored him and continued looking at Castiel.

Castiel let out a shaky breath, pressing his hands over Dean's. "I-I-I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me." He looked around, his head remaining still in Dean's hands. He looked lost. Like he wasn't himself. Castiel caught something in the corner of his eye that made his breath catch in his throat. "I-I have to go," he said with an apologetic smile, kissing Dean as he stood, placing some money on the table before going out into the parking lot.

Sam and Dean exchanged a worried, startled look as Cas suddenly walked out of the restaurant, and Dean jumped up and ran after him. "Stay here," he said to Sam, and Sam bit his lip nervously and nodded. The expression on Castiel's face scared him; it was that lost, distant expression Dean hadn't seen in a while and it made him really terrified. He found Cas walking away in the parking lot and ran after him until he caught up. "Cas," he called, "Wait!"

Castiel could hear Dean calling him but it was lost on the wind. He found himself standing in the spot where he'd seen him. He looked down at the floor, a trace of where he had once been. He looked around with a curious expression but he was gone. Castiel saw Dean's worried face and he closed his eyes in shame, sinking to the floor. He was truly loosing it.

Dean lunged forward and caught Cas before he could hit the pavement, the night air blowing warm around them as they knelt on the parking lot ground together. "Cas, what's wrong?" He asked gently, stroking his hair and looking at his face in concern. Dean was terrified of what was happening. One moment Cas had been fine and the next he was running out of the restaurant and collapsing in the parking lot.

"He was right here," he whispered, curling up against Dean into a tight ball but still managing to survey the area around them just in case. "I'm not lying, Dean," he added before his fiancé could doubt him. "He was standing right here a-and smiling at me." His eyes were wide and his body trembling from a mixture of fear and the cool night air that crept up his back.

Dean tightened his hold on Castiel and rested his chin on the top of his head, holding him protectively in his arms and looking around them in confusion. He shivered slightly at Castiel's words and noticed Cas was trembling too, and Dean rubbed a hand up and down his back. He knew exactly what Cas was feeling. He'd seen his mother places soon after her death, too. "It's okay," he hushed, "Cas, it's okay."

Castiel shook his head, "D-Dean this is n-not okay." He tugged at his hair, curling up on himself as much as possible. "He's back, Dean. Don't you get it?" He was so damn scared, he couldn't even cry or scream out. His voice was small and weak, feeling as broken down as he had once made him feel. He thought he was safe. He thought if he pretended it hadn't happened it all be okay.

Dean was close to panicking himself, but he forced himself to remain calm and he pried Castiel's hands away from his hair and held them firmly in his instead. "Cas, get a hold of yourself," He ordered gently, "Take a few deep breaths and talk to me. What did you see?" He sat back a little bit, not even caring that they were in a dark corner of a parking lot of a family restaurant. "Cas, tell me what's wrong," he pleaded, desperate to help in any way he could.

Castiel did as ordered, taking a few deep breaths. He took a breath, one. The cold air filling his lungs and making everything sharp, yet his senses were dull and numb. Two. His lip quivered as he looked up in to Dean's worrying eyes with his wide eyed watery blues. Three. His last breath, before the foulest word passed his lips. A word he hadn't spoken about in months, thought about in years and seen in well over a decade. "Lucifer."


	34. Chapter 34

Dean's eyes widened in horror. He'd thought Cas was talking about Jimmy, but this was just as bad, if not worse. Dean looked at him uncertainly for a moment and then sighed. "Shit," he muttered apologetically, "Sam's still in there, I need to take him home... do you think you could wait like fifteen minutes and then we can talk? I'm really sorry, baby," Dean bit his lip anxiously and rubbed Castiel's hands between his own, because his skin felt chilled.

Castiel didn't move, nodding feebly. He didn't ask but he took Dean's keys to go sit in the back of the car because there was no way on Earth he was going anywhere without Dean tonight. He'd seen him. He was sure of it. Those soft features, easy smile. All the things that sent chills down Castiel's back. No one understood how easily he could snap. How a snap of his fingers could turn that charming smile into the most terrifying thing you've ever seen.

Dean, not wanting to leave Cas alone out here, took a few steps away from his car so he was out of earshot but could still see Cas. He slipped his cell phone out and called Sam, who answered after the first ring. "Sammy, come outside, I'm gonna drop you off at home and then head back out with Cas for a little while, okay?" Sam answered, panic in his voice, "What's wrong, is he okay?" and a moment later Sam was heading out of the restaurant, still talking on his phone. He spotted Dean and jogged over, a concerned look on his face. "I paid," he reassured Dean, "Is everything all right?" Dean shook his head as they began walking towards the car. "Not really," he admitted, "Cas is... he's having some personal issues right now. I'm gonna take you home and then I'll probably be out for a while, all right?" Sam nodded and they got into the car. Cas was sitting in the backseat and Dean turned around to look at him before driving away quickly to their house.

Castiel jumped violently when the brother's got in the car. He was too wrapped up in his own little world and was completely on edge he was having a tough time keeping it together. He tugged at his hair, using the pain as something to keep him focussed, pulling a few hairs as he did so. He looked in the rear view mirror, swallowing hard as he choked on air as he saw Lucifer staring back at him. His sickly sweet smile playing naturally on his features as he repeated four words over and over in the mirror which mimicked Castiel's trembling mouth as he said them aloud. "I don't miss twice. I don't miss twice. I don't miss twice."

Dean glanced at Cas worriedly in the rearview mirror and drove a little bit faster, causing Sam to grip the door handle and bite his lip, but they were at the house soon and Sam jumped out of the car and headed inside giving Dean a worried look. Dean nodded at him and quickly pulled out of the driveway, heading straight to the cabin, their safe place. Once they got there Dean jumped out of the car and ran over to the back passenger door so Cas could get out. "Come on, let's go inside. Everything's going to be okay,"

Castiel tried focusing on Dean's eyes through the small mirror but all he could see were Lucifer's staring back at him. He jumped when the door suddenly swung up and he curled up as much as he could on the floor of the car before Dean's voice broke through his nightmares. He dared look up at Dean and tried to call out for him but no sound came. He held out his hands, grabbing for Dean as he got out the car, refusing to move without Dean literally by his side.

Dean's stomach felt sick as he looked at Castiel's fear-filled eyes and his trembling hands, and he stayed close beside Castiel, wrapping an arm around him as they walked towards the house. Castiel's entire body was shaking and Dean bit his lip, feeling tears of panic pricking at the backs of his eyes, but he forced himself to hold it together. This was about Cas, not him, and he could handle this. Once they were inside, Dean closed and locked the cabin door to provide a sense of security and he led Cas over to sit on the bed, pulling a thick fleece blanket up over his shoulders and sitting beside him, arms wrapped around him as he pulled Cas to lean against his chest. "You're safe, Cas," Dean promised, "He can't hurt you anymore."

Castiel let himself be manhandled by Dean to sit in the cabin. He trusted Dean, he'd keep him safe. He sobbed defeatedly into Dean's chest as he shook out every fibre of energy he had left. He clutched to Dean desperately, managing a small whimper of sound before the silence of the room consumed them once more. He moved up the bed, curling in on himself and hiding his face in the pillow as he tugged on his hair, the corners of the blanket held firmly in place by his hands.

Dean watched in despair as Castiel cried himself out and then curled up on the bed pulling viciously at his hair, and Dean bit his lip and followed him, laying beside him and taking his hands once more. "Cas," he whispered, "Breathe. You're okay. I'm here and I won't let anything happen to you, I promise." Clearly there was a great deal of history behind this, a story Dean had never really heard. All he knew was that Lucifer was in jail for attempting to murder Castiel, but Dean didn't know what happened and he wasn't sure he wanted to, but he wanted to understand.

Castiel jumped when Dean took his hands again and he closed his eyes, trying his best to take deep breaths. He only managed a shallow inhale before choking shakily on the air. He sat up, looking for his guitar that he'd left her the last time. He hesitated before dashing across the room and coming back into Dean's arms, afraid there might be something waiting in the dark to get him and the only thing that was safe was Dean and the bed. He fumbled with the strings, threading through them to get his hand through the hole and retrieve his secret stash of smokes. He lit one desperately, needing one to calm him down. The toxins pursed between his lips gradually relaxing him as he blew the smoke out above them.

Dean sat up and stared in confusion when Castiel ran across the room and grabbed his guitar before jumping back onto the bed and practically landing on Dean, and Dean caught him and wrapped his arms around him again. Castiel pulled a cigarette and a lighter out of the guitar's body and began smoking, and Dean didn't even care that it was inside the cabin. He could only watch sadly as Castiel inhaled the smoke and blew it out. It worried him that Cas needed a cigarette to calm himself down, but Dean let him smoke and simply held him through it as Cas slowly calmed down and stopped trembling. Once he seemed relaxed enough, Dean risked asking a question. "What happened at the restaurant?" He asked hesitantly.

Castiel inhaled again, the dull orange flame illuminating the room and striking Dean's feature's harshly. He exhaled, tilting his head up to pour the smoke above them and away from Dean. He didn't look at him but leant back against him. The heat of the other reassuring him that he was safe. "I thought I saw him," he whispered, his voice so small if Dean hadn't been listening intently he'd have missed it. "It looked s-so much like him. I-It brought up a-a lot of stuff." He took another drag, visibly relaxing as thee toxins hit his system.

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's chest and rested his head against Castiel's. He was stuttering, but he eventually calmed down enough for Dean to breathe a small sigh of relief, but he didn't let go. "He can't hurt you anymore, he's in prison." Dean reassured, but he didn't really know if it would make Cas feel any better. "Do you... do you want to talk about it?" Dean ventured hesitantly, "I mean, you don't have to if it makes you uncomfortable but I don't mind if you want to tell me about it." He kissed Castiel's temple gently and left his lips there.

Castiel shook his head, inhaling on the cigarette again. "I don't..I can't." He struggled for words. He thought Dean should know but he couldn't find the words to begin to explain what had happened. He exhaled shakily, smoking pouring into the air once more. He distinguished the cigarette casually on his arm. Hissing a little but relishing in the pain it provideed as he placed the stub and his guitar out the way before curling back up with Dean.

Dean grabbed Castiel's arm and examined the burn mark left by the cigarette. "Jesus, Cas!" He murmured in concern, carefully blowing away the ash dust from the small circle of burnt skin. It wasn't very bad but it looked painful, and Dean sighed helplessly, releasing Castiel's arm and just holding him close instead. Dean laid them down on the bed, drawing Castiel close to him and keeping him there, secure and safe in his arms and under the blanket. "Just breathe," he soothed, rubbing Castiel's back gently.

Castiel sighed, closing his eyes and concentrating on breathing as he laid in Dean's arms. "Don't," he murmured weakly, lost in thought as he began reliving that day over in his head. His eyebrow raised and a smooth smirk fell across his lips as he purred out a new voice, "Yeah, Lucy, I don't think kiddo here is supposed to bend that way." His features tightened into worry, "D-Don't, don't hurt him," he whispered in a voice similar to his own. The sound of water gushing through his ears caused his heart to pump faster and his body to tremble as the memory became more vivid with each passing moment. His eyes unfocussed and hazy looking as they concentrated on the images flickering through his mind. He cried out in panic, unable to snap out of this hell and re-watch his worst nightmare.

Dean watched Castiel's face closely as conflicting emotions played out on his face, and what he did next gave Dean chills and he had to look away. Castiel was acting out what had happened and Dean forced himself to listen. Suddenly, Castiel's body trembled and jerked violently in Dean's arms, crying out in terror, and Dean held his face with both hands and pressed his forehead against Castiel's. "Shhhhh," he whispered, "I've got you, you're okay."

Castiel cried out, his body flopping and collapsing as if to be released from its hold with his mental state, His eyes snapped back into focus and he gasped for breath, staring at Dean with wide eyes. He could feel the water on him, leeches from the river crawling against his skin. He wriggled around and out of Dean's hold, scratching at his skin and peeling his clothes off as if to rid of the memories. "Get it off," he panicked, kicking the garments away in horror.

Dean jumped back in shock as Castiel scrambled away from him and began tearing his clothes off desperately, and Dean could only watch, tears welling up in his eyes as he struggled to breathe through his constricted chest. It was like Cas wasn't even here, trapped in a horrible memory of the past and unable to escape. "Cas," he whispered breathlessly, "Cas... what's happening?" His voice failed and he couldn't be heard, but it didn't matter. Dean didn't know what to do. He was frozen to the bed, watching in horror as Cas panicked and stripped down to nothing.

Castiel collapsed at the foot of the bed, sobbing in nothing but his socks and curled up to conceal himself. His hand tugged roughly at his hair, pulling strands out as he shook violently trying to rid of the memory he'd buried so deep he'd forgot it was real and not a distant nightmare that lurked in his subconscious. His eyes snapped up to see Dean staring at him like he was alien to him. This wasn't him. This wasn't Castiel. It was a projection of what he once was that he'd managed to keep hidden.

Dean was terrified. He'd thought he'd seen Castiel at his worst, but this was truly frightening. Cas was losing control, not even aware of his surroundings, and living his worst nightmare. Dean stared at him dazedly for a moment and then forced himself to stand up and pick up the blanket. He wrapped it around Castiel's shoulders and knelt beside him, taking his hands and holding them firmly so he couldn't rip his hair out anymore. Suddenly, an idea came to Dean. Something he'd seen in a movie once. Cas was clearly reliving this memory like a nightmare and didn't want to talk about it directly, so maybe if Dean played along in the reenactment it would be easier for him to understand the story. He rubbed Castiel's back soothingly. "Shhh," he soothed, "It's all right. Are you hurt?" He asked in a gentle, simply voice.

Castiel felt a blanket being draped around his shoulders. His mind flashing forward to the aftermath as he and Jimmy sat in the back of an ambulance. The blue light flashing over their hollow features as water dripped from Castiel's hair. His ankles bleeding and the skin raw and scraped. Castiel rubbed at his hand as he sat on the bed, remembering how Jimmy said not to touch his feet. "He just turned," Castiel said to the officer, who in this scenario was being played out by Dean but Castiel couldn't tell the difference too lost in thought. "W-We were playin' on the riverbank. Lookin' for i-insects and stuff," he sniffed, holding the blanket around himself as he felt a cold drip of water trickle down his back. "He t-tied my feet to c-concrete blocks and ordered me to walk into the river. I-I didn't want to a-and he got real mad. S-Started yelling and pulled t-this gun out, crying about h-how I ruined everything. Made father mad," he rambled distantly.

Dean put one hand over his mouth to stifle a choked, horrified sob and tried to maintain the act. He adjusted the blanket around Castiel's shoulders and then moved Castiel gently so he could reach Castiel's feet, and he gently ran his hands down Castiel's shins and carefully touched his ankles and feet as he pretended to be examining him for injuries, and then he grabbed a part of the blanket and rubbed it over Castiel's head and neck as if drying him off. The things Cas was saying were horrible and Dean couldn't understand how a guy could say those awful things to his brother and threaten to kill him. Cas was trapped in this memory and Dean could only try to coax him out of it when the time was right. "Who was with you?" He asked, forcing his voice to stay steady and professional.

Castiel closed his eyes as the paramedic dried him a little, making him feel at least a little warmer. "My brother Gabriel and Jimmy here," he said, taking Dean's hand as if it were Jimmy's sat next to him. "Jimmy's not so good with people," he explained when the officer gave him a look when he tried to catch his brother's eye, whose head was dipped and turned away. "Gabriel is the strong one, he called for help when Lucifer wouldn't listen." Castiel wiped his eyes. "Can I go home now?" he asked tiredly. "I told my mom I'd be home with Jimmy an hour ago."

Dean bit his lip hard and wiped his eyes, tears streaming freely down his face. "We already called your mother," he reassured Castiel, "She knows and Lucifer has been arrested, she's on her way right now." Dean grabbed an unopened water bottle from the nightstand and unscrewed it for Cas and handed it to him. He didn't really know what he was doing, really only basing his role off of what Castiel was saying and what he'd seen police officers and paramedics do on TV, but it seemed relatively convincing. He knew everything he needed to now, but the thing he didn't understand was how to get Castiel to come back to reality. He tilted Castiel's head up to look into his eyes, distant and frightened. "Cas?" He asked carefully, "Cas, it's me, Dean."

Castiel took the water wordlessly and played with the label, peeling it off the bottle. The paramedic then took his face carefully and spoke to him. Dean's voice escaping every time the man called his name. He frowned in confusion, closing his eyes and shaking his head for a long moment before opening his eyes, feeling very light headed and seeing Dean look at him with tears in his eyes. "Hey," he said softly, frowning with confusion as his memory started to return as he realized where they were.

Dean sighed in relief when Cas came back to him and realized where he was, and he pulled Castiel into his arms in a tight embrace. "God, Cas," he whispered, "You're scaring the crap out of me. I don't... I'm so sorry, I had no idea..." He spoke shakily, keeping Cas close to him. "You're okay," he murmured into Castiel's hair, stroking his hands over it soothingly. "He can't hurt you."

Castiel wasn't quite sure what Dean was talking about at first. So overcome with worry for his fiancé he scooped him into his arms and held him close. "Dean, I'm okay," he assured, trying to calm the other down but at the same time cooling down in the aftermath of his shock. "I'm okay," he repeated, nuzzling at Dean's chest to try and hide from the rest of the world.

Dean took a deep breath and held Castiel close. "Do you even remember any of that?" He asked brokenly, "What just happened? Do you remember the last five minutes?" He stroked his hands over Castiel's hair, strands of it coming loose in his fingers where Castiel had been pulling it out, and Dean bit back another sob.

Castiel tried. Really tried to think but the memory was long gone. Shoved back into the darkness where it belonged. He shook his head weakly, "N-No." He hated seeing Dean like this and he didn't even know the reason why. He wiped his tears and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Dean, I'm okay," he assured again, not sure what else he could say.

Dean really didn't think Castiel was okay. He'd suppressed the memory and didn't remember any of it, but he could be triggered at any time and Dean was afraid for Cas. He didn't know how to say it but he knew he had to. "You just... you told me what happened with... Lucifer. It's okay, you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, I just want you to know that I know."

Castiel's eyes widened, tears spilling over the side. "Don't you ever say that name again," he hissed, scrunching up his face as he moved up the bed and away from Dean into a tight ball. Dean was supposed to be the one that made him feel good. He wasn't allowed to talk about that stuff. Dean was his light at the end of the tunnel not his doom and gloom.

"Cas!" Dean murmured in a voice aching with tears, watching helplessly as Castiel crawled away from him and curled up into a ball. "I'm trying to help you get over this," Dean insisted, his voice barely above a whisper, "Cas, for fuck's sake, it's not healthy to keep shit like that bottled up inside you! It's just a coping mechanism. You don't have any idea what just happened, and I don't know how to help you," Dean said miserably, pressing his hands against his eyes in helpless frustration.

Castiel hid, trying to run from Dean like he did everything else but he was naked and in the middle of nowhere and had no way of getting home without Dean and there was no way he was leaving any time soon. "I've been fine for years," he commented. "You can't help. No one can," he whispered. "I just want things to go back to the way they were before."

Dean took a deep breath and picked the blanket up to wrap it around Castiel, willing to try anything to make him feel safer and more comfortable. Dean knew Cas had problems but this was really serious, and Dean was literally considering getting professional help. "Cas, people love you and are worried about you. Your mom. Michael. Sammy. Me. Crowley and Bobby. Anna." Dean had to clear his throat when his voice threatened to break again. "Cas, nobody wants to see you suffer."

Castiel sniffed, tugging the blanket around himself. "If you don't want to see me suffer, you'll let it go" He didn't want to get into his past. It would only make things worse. He made grabby hands at Dean and tugged him gently to come lie with him. This is all he wanted. Someone to be with and protect him from these things. Not dig them up.

Dean sighed in frustration and gave in, lying down beside Cas and wrapping him up in his arms under the soft blanket. He was silent for a while, but stubborn as he was, he couldn't just let it go. "Cas..." he began tentatively, "What happened tonight at the restaurant, you just looked out the window and lost it. How do I know that's not going to happen again? How am I supposed to know what triggers you?"

"Lucifer triggers me," he countered. "This man..he looked exactly like him." He sighed, he really didn't want to have to get into this discussion. He doesn't want to talk about Lucifer. "Please..I'm asking you to let this go," he pleads, stroking Dean's cheek with the back of his hand.

Dean studied Cas for a long time and then sighed, giving in once more. "Okay," he agreed reluctantly, "But if you ever feel... weird about anything, please talk to me. I don't know if I can help at all but I want to try. I love you and I'll always be here for you." he promised, kissing Castiel softly, putting all the tender love and caring he could into the kiss.

Castiel smiled in relief when Dean finally let the subject drop. "I know, love. I appreciate it," he murmured, returning the kiss. He snuggled up to Dean under the blanket and curled up loosely by his side to keep warm. "I love you too," he whispered into the fabric of Dean's shirt.

Dean smiled back at him, even if it was a little forced, and tried to change the subject to something that would hopefully cheer Castiel up and take both of their minds off of this. "We still have to give Sam the stuff we got him in Paris," Dean murmured thoughtfully, kissing Castiel's cheek.

Castiel hummed quietly, glad Dean had changed the subject. Although he couldn't see his face he wasn't sure whether it was for his benefit or theirs. He pressed his hand to his hair, pulling out all the loose hair he'd tugged on earlier. He didn't look at Dean whilst he did this. Too afraid of what he might say. He'd seen Jimmy with patchy hair from his condition. He just prayed to God Dean didn't make the connection..or at least have the courtesy to not say it out loud.

Dean watched as Castiel ran his fingers through his hair and threaded out all the hairs he'd yanked. He was still being a little too rough, making Dean wince, and he took Castiel's hands away and wove his own fingers through Castiel's hair instead. He gently massaged Castiel's scalp, which was most likely painful, and in the process smoothed his hair down. Clumps and tangled strands of hair came away in Dean's fingers, and he frowned sadly as he remembered Jimmy's condition.

Castiel closed his eyes and dipped his head so he didn't have to look at Dean. His hands felt good in his hair but he was ashamed that he had to help him with this to begin with. He sighed, a stray tear falling from his cheek. His hands played with the hem of his boxers, having rid of his hoodie to play with the sleeves.

Dean watched a tear fall from Castiel's eye and drip onto the bedspread, and Dean stopped stroking Castiel's hair and moved his hands to his face instead, fingers tracing over the unhappy frown lines and the downturn of his lips and his tightly closed eyelids, wishing he could smooth all the sadness away with a simple touch. "It's over," he murmured, "That was in the past. Let's try to move on and think about our future together."

Castiel nodded but didn't mean it. He couldn't move on. He was still sad and hated himself for what he'd done to Dean, bringing him into the unknown depths of his world. A place that even Castiel himself did not want to enter. He laid down on the bed, shaking his head and ridding of all the loose clumps and placed it on the floor in a pile. He curled up on the mattress and pulled the covers over himself.

Dean watched sadly as Castiel crept away from him and laid down under the blanket after placing all the ripped out hair on the floor. Dean sat at the foot of the bed unmoving for a moment, not sure what to do. He felt so helpless and lost, but he didn't doubt Castiel or their love for one second. He knew it was hard for Cas to show this side of him, his dark past, but Dean didn't judge him. He knew what he had to do. Dean pulled the covers off of Castiel's head and crawled under the covers with him. He moved so he was lying over Cas on the bed, caging him in with his arms and not letting him escape, and he stared down at Cas until Cas looked up and met his eyes.

Castiel tensed, feeling the weight of the bed change suddenly and Dean was on top of him, staring down at him with challenging eyes. He looked back but only for a second, feeling his heart beat fast. He tried a second time. Meeting the other's eyes for another moment. It wasn't until his third attempt when he took a deep breath and looked Dean square in the eye was he able to meet the other properly for the first time since the restaurant. He didn't dare make a sound, watching with wide eyes, wondering what Dean was hoping to achieve.

Dean watched Castiel struggle to meet his gaze, and when their eyes locked Dean held the look for a long moment, reading the pain and fear in Castiel's wide blue eyes. Eventually, he spoke, still staring straight at Castiel. "I love you," he told him fiercely, "Don't you dare hide from me. I want all of you, understand? I want everything you have to offer, even the bad parts. Because, like it or not, that's what makes you Cas. That's part of what makes you the man I love." Dean paused for a moment to let that sink in, but continued before Cas could say anything. "I'm not marrying you because you asked me to, or because having sex with you is the most amazing fucking thing in the universe, or because you took me on a trip to France and proposed to me there. I'm marrying you because I love everything about you and nothing is ever gonna change that.

Castiel watched with wide tear filled eyes as Dean poured his heart and soul into his words and shoved them down Castiel's throat. With Dean pressed against him, trapping him to the bed the moment felt that much more intense. He could feel tears slipping down his cheeks but it didn't matter. Dean loved him no matter what and he could have asked for a better human being to share himself with. "I love you," he whispered, his voice barely above a broken murmur, so lost and distant but he meant it. He loved Dean. His Dean and he would never let him go without a fight.

Dean looked down at Cas and he could see that his words had made an impact. He lowered his face just slightly, just enough that the tips of their noses touched, and Dean breathed deeply and slowly, closing his eyes. He raised one hand up to wipe away Castiel's tears and stroke gently over his damaged hair. "I love you so much," he said, "It kills me to see you do stuff like this." He admitted, pressing a kiss to Castiel's forehead. "Please, no more," he begged, "For me."

Castiel sighed, nodding timidly. "For you," he echoed. He would try his best to stop but sometimes the boat just got pushed out too far and he couldn't help himself. It was a condition. There was nothing he could do about it apart from take medication and that just wasn't an option. Not after seeing Jimmy go down that road.

Dean sighed and rolled off of Castiel, instead pulling him into his arms and holding him protectively. "Please talk to me," he whispered, "If you ever need to, just... just let it out on me, okay? I don't care what it is, you can tell me anything." Dean kissed Castiel's closed eyelids softly, feeling the wetness of tears there, and he felt an ache in his chest. Why did everything bad have to happen to Cas? There was only so much a person could take before they crumbled.

Castiel closed his eyes as Dean kissed them tenderly, causing more tears to shed. He wasn't even sure how to begin talking about this. He pulled his arms around Dean and held him tightly before sliding up his body to press a soft needy kiss to Dean's lips. His body relaxing as he eased into the familiarity and feel of Dean against him.

Dean tensed slightly as Castiel pressed against his body and kissed him with a slight hint of desperation, and Dean felt an ache in his chest that wouldn't go away. He kissed Castiel back gently, tasting the salt of tears and feeling Castiel tremble slightly against him, and Dean knew they shouldn't do this, not right now with Cas in this mental state, but he couldn't stop either.

Castiel pushed past the dull throb in his head, telling him this was a bad idea. He was just using Dean, making himself feel better rather than making them both feel good. It was for his own selfish needs to feel better and that fact just made him feel worse but he couldn't help himself. His hands slid down to peel off his boxers and his fingers slipped around his own entrance, needing to work himself open for Dean, knowing Dean would be reluctant to do so what with him in this state.

Cas was still kissing him desperately, nails digging into his skin, and one hand reached down and Cas began fingering himself. Dean bit his lip and tried to pull away but Cas was insistent. "Cas, I don't think we should," he started, but was cut off by another kiss, "I don't think we should do this, it doesn't feel right," But they were both doing it anyway.

Castiel hissed silently as he opened himself up, tightening around his fingers. His breathing came light and stuttering as he relaxed into his own touch. He didn't want Dean to see him like this, wanted to make him forget but he need him. Needed that connection. He ignored Dean's protests, not that they were protests of such. If Dean didn't want him he'd have pushed him away. He used his other hand to bring down Dean's pants and boxers and pressing his palm firmly to his crotch. His hollow eyes never leaving Dean's.

Dean groaned, a mixture of arousal and frustration at himself for giving in so easily. "Cas," he protested, trying to move away and grabbing Castiel's wrist firmly. "No. Not right now." He said, not meeting Castiel's eyes. "Please, I can't." His body was telling him otherwise, though, as if he had a physical natural response to Castiel's touch. He didn't want this but obviously his body did, and Dean was fighting with himself.

Castiel looked down slowly at his wrist, Dean's hand wrapped tightly around it. He removed his fingers from himself and shuffled to line up his hips with Dean's. He wordlessly asked Dean for permission to continue, needing to feel loved and full and not completely empty and broken inside. "Please," he choked out with a dead look in his eye. "I need you."

Dean bit his lip and stifled an involuntary moan, his body picking up on every single move Castiel made and responding to him without his consent. Castiel's eyes were haunted and frightened, and Dean couldn't not say no. "Cas..." he began, but stopped to lean in and kiss him. "Dammit, Cas," he muttered, cupping Castiel's face in both hands as he kissed him hard.

Castiel kissed Dean back desperately, a clash of lips and tongue but there was no real heat to his movements. No real passion. He felt empty and lost and needed Dean's touch to bring him back. Feel something positive again. He rubbed his entrance against Dean's cock, hissing slightly but using the pain as something to focus on as he kissed Dean fiercely.

Dean closed his eyes tightly and went through the motions. Dean didn't want to do this, but it was happening and he couldn't stop it. There was a barrier between them, and it made Dean feel dirty in a bad way. It felt like Castiel was just going through the motions too, as if they were both numb, and Dean didn't like it one bit. It felt wrong, but he trembled and moaned quietly anyway as he slowly entered Castiel's body.

Castiel let out a strangled groan, pressing down against Dean. Without lubrication the friction was rough and slightly painful but Castiel didn't care. He needed the pain. Needed to feel something. He couldn't look at Dean as he rode him. His emotions all over the shop and in need of something familiar despite it feeling distance and alien. It was sad and pathetic and Castiel felt tears roll down his cheeks as he let out a broken moan.

Dean kept his eyes tightly shut, jaw clenched as he tried to stop Castiel from moving so fast, knowing it must be hurting him badly, but that was exactly what Cas wanted, wasn't it? Dean felt sick. He was hurting Cas, he knew that moan was not one of pleasure, and yet they kept right at it, Cas riding his cock hard and rough. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling, fingernails digging into Castiel's hips, and then risked a look at Castiel's face. He wished he hadn't though, because there were tears slipping from his pained, sorrowful eyes.

Castiel leaned down kissing Dean hard as he rolled his hips against his lover. A heavy breath escaped his throat as Dean hit a spot inside him. It should have felt good, should have felt loved. Dean was still here with him, doing this with him. He felt empty and sick. This wasn't right. Dean should never see him this way. He let out a whimpering moan as he moved against Dean hard and fast. His hands moving to grip in his hair as he squeezed his eyes shut.

Dean stared desperately up at Castiel, thrusting up into him as Castiel rolled his hips down, their movements practiced and desperate at the same time, fast and hard and rough. Dean, desperate to make some kind of connection, to somehow save this from becoming a horrible memory, took Castiel's hands in his own and intwined their fingers, kissing Castiel softly rather than hard and trying to meet his eyes when he backed away, but his eyes were screwed shut tight and Dean stopped moving for a moment. "Cas, look at me." He ordered, trying to hold Castiel still with a tight grip on his hips.

Castiel was too involved in his mind, he found himself jumping when Dean spoke to him. He tried to keep moving against Dean but the other had a tight grip on him to keep him still. He took a moment, taking a deep breath before opening his eyes and looking at Dean. What he saw made him bit back a sob. He looked so scared and worried. Castiel hadn't realized how much he was hurting Dean by putting him through this mess.

Dean stared up at Castiel breathlessly, feeling broken and lost inside, and an overwhelming guilt weighing heavily in his stomach and making him feel sick. "Cas, I can't..." he muttered brokenly, pulling out of Castiel and sliding out from underneath him without looking, and he headed into the bathroom and closed the door. Once he was locked in the bathroom, Dean collapsed to the ground trembling in self-disgust and horror. He pressed his hands against his eyes until the pain was unbearable and bit his lip hard to keep from sobbing, every muscle in his body tense and aching.

Castiel bit his lip as Dean pulled out of him. He tried to call after him but he was too ashamed. He felt dirty and sick. He curled up on himself not bothering to try and conceal himself under the blankets. He let out a low sob, no longer able to hold it in anymore .His hand curled around his waist and clutching at his hip whilst his other hand rested in his hair, tugging sharply at it as he pulled out clumps, punishing himself for what he'd done to Dean. What'd he'd done to them.

Dean curled up on the cold tile, naked and cold on the floor. He shivered violently, biting his hand hard and squeezing his eyes shut painfully tight as silent, breathless sobs wracked his body. How could this be happening? How could Dean have let this happen, let it get this far? He was horrified with himself, unable to believe what he'd allowed himself to do to Cas. He'd hurt him and that was the last thing Cas needed. Cas needed help, and Dean couldn't give him what he needed. He wasn't good enough no matter how hard he tried.

Castiel sobbed into the pillow, he felt so used and dirty and it was all his fault. He''d pushed Dean's love too far. Dean would do anything for him and Castiel know it. He'd taken that trust and use it for his own personal needs. He felt sick, body trembling as he hunched over himself, throwing the clumps of hair to the floor in disgust. He didn't deserve Dean. Didn't deserve to wear his guitar pick. He took it off, pressing the palms of his hands to his eyes before he decided what had to be done. He had to finish what Lucifer started. Dragging his sorry ass out of bed he walked out of the house and towards the river.

Dean didn't know how long he laid there for, but he gradually became aware of a sense of wrongness, something that overpowered the already beyond fucked up situation they were in. Dean felt a new kind of fear low in his stomach, a heavy, leaden kind of dread, and a cold numbness in his legs. His chest throbbed sharply, as if a warning, and he frowned and sat up, holding his breath and staring into space. He didn't know what, but something was very, very wrong. He hastily yanked open the door and stumbled out into the main space of the cabin, but it was empty, and that's when the panic set in. Dean clumsily tugged on a pair of boxers - wasn't sure whose they were - and ran outside, heart pounding painfully loud. His eyes searched the surrounding area, but the darkness made it hard to see. "Cas?" He called, starting to run, having no idea which direction to go in. A small voice inside his head told him he was too late, but for what? "Cas!" he screamed, stumbling over a tree root and landing hard on his knees, but it was even harder to stand up and force his rubbery legs to hold him up.

Castiel sniffed, the cold water consuming his naked body and causing him to shiver violently. He deserved this. Castiel was an abomination. He disappointed everyone, especially Dean. He ducked his head so the water came up to his chin. Tears streaming down his face as he thought of how disappointed Dean was in him. He wasn't strong enough. "I'm sorry, Dean," he choked, dipping his head under the water with a muffled sob.

Dean ran around aimlessly for a few more minutes, panic increasing until he could hardly move and his chest was so tight he couldn't breathe. He stopped by the river, legs shaking and about to give out. Tears slipped from his eyes. He'd never been so scared or felt so helpless, and he didn't know what to do. "Cas!" He screamed again. His voice barely choked past his throat, and for some reason he began walking into the river. He sobbed loudly as he stumbled into the cold water, looking around helplessly. "Cas," he cried, and he decided to swim across the river. Maybe he'd gone over there. Dean wasn't thinking straight, barely knew what he was doing, but as soon as he lifted his feet off the ground to swim, his knee bumped against something soft and solid, and Dean choked on a mouthful of water and cried out in fear as he groped around under the water to see what it was. A low, strangled groan escaped past his chattering teeth, and he grabbed an arm and pulled a body up to the surface. "Cas," Dean sobbed, staring in horror at his still, white face, and he clumsily dragged Castiel back to the shore of the river. Cas was heavier than he should have been, but maybe that was just Dean's weakness making itself known. He pulled Cas up onto the ground and then leaned over him, screaming and shaking him desperately before the more logical side of his brain took over and he felt for a pulse, holding his breath and praying to any god that would listen for Cas to be alive.

Castiel didn't remember much. He was cold and numb and his boy flopped lifelessly as Dean pulled him from the river. he was drifting in and out of subconsciousness and he was struggling to focus on anything. A slurred "Dean" passed his lips in a breathy whisper. Darkness took him back under after that..Dean's frightened face the last thing he saw.


	35. Chapter 35

Dean waited to feel a pulse, and when he felt it in Castiel's neck he collapsed in relief. Cas was alive, but just barely. He even opened his eyes a little, said Dean's name, and Dean sobbed gratefully. But then, Castiel's eyes rolled back and drifted closed, and he was so still. Dean placed his hand over Castiel's heart, the skin cold and wet there, and he could feel Castiel's heartbeat slowing and his chest wasn't rising and falling. Dean stared in horror as Castiel gave up, and he shook him. "No," he begged, "Please, no." Luckily, logic kicked in and he plugged Castiel's nose with one hand and locked his lips over Castiel's cold ones, and breathed into him. If Castiel's heart stopped, Dean had no idea what to do. He only knew how to do rescue breathing, and he prayed that it would work. They were out in the middle of nowhere and Dean was Castiel's only hope.

Castiel retched forward, water spewing up his throat and across the floor in front of him as he jolted back into conciousness and coughed and hacked as he adjusted his airways to function again. He took big gulps of air, his breathing strained but enough to go on. He was so weak and cold, he flopped back against Dean, trembling violently. A combination of sobs and coughs reached his throat as he tried to apologize to Dean but the words were disorientated and muffled. He closed his eyes, focusing on breathing as he lay helplessly with his head in Dean's lap.

Dean cried out in relief as Castiel's eyes snapped open and he breathed on his own, coughing and trembling violently and Dean turned him onto his side and held him close, water dripping cold everywhere and making Dean numb, and he gripped Castiel so tightly his fingernails nearly drew blood from Castiel's arms, but he didn't let go. He closed his eyes and leaned forward until his forehead rested against Castiel's shoulder, and tried to breathe. He couldn't say anything, there was nothing to say right now. Cas had tried to kill himself and thankfully Dean had gotten there on time and Cas was still alive. If he'd been a minute later...

Castiel didn't move, couldn't bring himself to. He'd almost died..again. Once again showing Dean why he shouldn't be marrying him. He groaned and shivered weakly. His body rid of energy and he grew tired because of it. His eyelids fluttered closed and he fell back under in Dean's arms. His body numb and almost blue from the cold.

Dean inhaled, held it for a moment, and then exhaled, teeth chattering. He swallowed hard and hooked one of his arms under Castiel's knees and clumsily staggered to his feet with Castiel in his arms. He carried him back up to the cabin wordlessly and kicked open the door, and then he laid Castiel on the bed and wrapped him up in a blanket, taking out his cell phone and calling in an emergency. He sat beside Castiel but didn't touch his unconscious form, feeling betrayed and hurt and broken as he waited for the ambulance to arrive.

Castiel awoke to two men surrounding him, oxygen mask strapped to his mouth. His immediate reaction was to freak out, jolting forward only to be pushed back gently by one of the men. He looked around helplessly for Dean, screaming out but no sound came. He made grabby hands up at the air, tears rolling down his cheeks.

The paramedic closest to the patient gently held him down flat on the gurney with a palm on his chest. The ambulance was driving away from the cabin towards the hospital. Dean, wrapped in a thick blanket and being checked over by the other paramedic, was sitting a few feet away from Castiel. He stared down at the floor, shocked and numb. He couldn't look at Castiel, couldn't bear to see him. He shivered violently and wondered if he'd ever forgive Castiel for attempting to take his own life when he knew what it would do to Dean.

Castiel tilted his head to look over at Dean, tears rolling down his cheeks. His hands reaching out for Dean's and held them there. Dean wasn't looking at him and he didn't blame him. He was a disaster. He didn't deserve Dean's love. He pulled away a few seconds defeatedly, getting the message that Dean didn't want anything to do with him right now. Castiel curled in on himself, shivering as the paramedic checked him over.

Dean could see Castiel out of the corner of his eye, but he refused to look up at him. He couldn't. He just couldn't. He felt fresh tears well up in his eyes and turned his head away to let them fall, not making a sound. He couldn't believe Cas had actually tried to kill himself. A mixture of guilt and betrayal throbbed painfully in his chest, and he tried not to think about anything at all, just pretend nothing was wrong, but it was impossible. With a sigh of defeat, he looked up and met Castiel's eyes, careful not to give anything away.

When Dean met his eyes he knew just how idiotic he'd been. How much his actions had destroyed Dean. Despite feeling guilty, he couldn't help but feel disappointment. His amazing, incredible fiancé had always been there for him. Always stopped him from going too far but not this time. He didn't know or understand why. Did he not love him anymore? Was he just that far gone? He let out a low sob as they reached the hospital and the paramedics wheeled him out on the bed.

Dean watched distantly as Castiel was rolled out of the ambulance and into the hospital on the gurney, but he didn't move from his position on the bench. He felt numb, inside and out, and he didn't know what he should be doing. He was vaguely aware of a hand gripping his arm and guiding him into the hospital, and then sitting him down in the waiting room. He was still wearing nothing but his soaking wet boxers and a thick blanket, and he realized he was shaking so hard his teeth were chattering, but not from the cold. He stood shakily and walked up to the front desk and asked the receptionist if he could use a phone, and she wordlessly handed him a quarter and pointed him in the direction of the pay phone. Dean thanked her and went over to dial a number. Bobby's home phone number. The only person who would know what to do.

Castiel remembered being dragged away from Dean, he tried calling out but his voice was raw and broken from the cold and he was emotionally drained. "Just relax, son. You're going into shock," the doctor called. Nurses working around him to put in IV drips and warm him up without causing him to catch chilblains or other infections or illnesses. He cried until he was sick, completely naked and being worked on by strangers as they struggled to keep him alive. His vision went black and he slipped back under. "Hey, Cas," Dean said, grinning flirtatiously at Castiel as he stood by his locker that first day. But it wasn't Castiel, not really. He felt like he was watching himself play out what had happened. Opening a locker, Castiel dove deeper into the future, watching as he and Dean danced in the moonlight to P!nk in the cabin. He looked out across the water the reflection swirling as his vision switched. He now stood in his grandmother's home in Paris. This time there was no other Castiel. Just him and Dean, watching him closely. "I want to name our daughter, Hope," Dean said to Castiel as he relived this memory. Castiel smiled warmly, those words would always be dear in his heart. "That's beautiful, Dean," he replied, taking a step forward only to be retched forward by some unknown force, causing him to fall to the ground. Castiel gasped, Dean looked unphased, like he wanted this to happen. Like he wanted this to happen. "You don't deserve my love," Dean spat, kicking Castiel and causing his body to jolt, like electricity was coursing through him. Castiel cried out, his vision going black before a burst of light hit his system, jolting him back to life. The last thing he heard before slipping back under was a sigh of relief as the heart monitor produced a steady rhythm and the horrifying thought that Dean was gone.

The phone rang and rang, and with each ring it got harder to breathe. Finally, Bobby picked up the phone, and Dean could hear his gruff, tired voice on the other side. "Who is this, it's one in the morning." Dean opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out except for a strangled sob, and he leaned his head against the wall, closing his eyes tightly and pressing the phone against his ear. "Who's calling?" Bobby repeated, sounding very annoyed, and Dean sniffed and said shakily, "Dean Winchester." There was a moment of silence, and muffled murmuring on the other line, and Dean bit his hand hard to keep from sobbing even as tears slid down his cheeks. "Dean? What's going on? Are you crying?" Dean stifled another sob. "Yeah... yeah, I'm at the hospital," he choked out, "I'm... Cas is... he tried to..." He couldn't finish, couldn't make himself say the words out loud. Bobby's voice came back, sharper now, "Is Cas okay?" He demanded, and Dean sobbed again. "I don't know, I don't know," he cried loudly, slamming his fist against the wall in frustration and panic. "I think he tried to drown himself. Why would he do that? Why... why would he do that?" The last part was nothing more than a broken whisper, and he slid to the floor in tears, leaning back against the wall and pressing his free hand against his face. Bobby hushed him, and there was more murmuring and noises in the background, and Bobby's voice came back on the line, firm and authoritative. "I'm heading up there right now, okay? You stay right there and don't leave, hear me?" Dean nodded before he realized Bobby couldn't see him. "Okay," he agreed, breathless from crying, and then Bobby hung up and Dean was left clinging to a dead phone, knuckles white.

Castiel didn't wake up for another few hours. When he did he felt drowsy and weak. His body slumped against the mattress as he breathed heavily into the oxygen mask. He groaned helplessly, looking around helplessly for Dean but he was no where to be seen. His worst nightmares had been confirmed. Dean had finally found a limit and left him. He sobbed silently, tears collecting around the edge of the mask, causing his cheeks to become sticky. He hadn't realized how much Dean meant to him until he realized what he'd done. The face he'd seen in the ambulance. Castiel had been selfish and was going to leave Dean behind and the thought of hurting Dean that way made him cry out in pain as he tugged helplessly at his hair.

Dean stayed slumped on the floor like that, crying quietly to himself and still holding the phone. He was wrapped in the blanket still, and he was so cold, so numb and achey at the same time. He wanted nothing more than to shrivel up until he disappeared and was wiped from existence, because nothing had ever hurt like this. He couldn't go in there and face Castiel, so he stayed right where he was for a very long time, and eventually he cried himself to sleep. When he woke up some time later, he was laying on a couch in the waiting room with his head in Bobby's lap, fingers softly stroking his hair. Dean took one look at Bobby's face, his sad, serious expression, and burst into tears again, curling up into a ball and clutching at Bobby's familiar flannel shirt desperately. Bobby rubbed his back soothingly, his touch firm and steady, and Dean eventually became so dizzy from his breathless tears that he stopped crying as a calming sense of lightheaded exhaustion swept over him, and his body relaxed. He shakily pushed himself up so he was sitting beside Bobby and staring at the floor. Other people in the waiting room were staring at Dean in confusion, fear, and sympathy, but he didn't care. He couldn't care about anything anymore. "He's going to be all right, son." Bobby assured him, but that wasn't what Dean was crying out. He knew Castiel would survive, knew they would have come back and told Dean if he wasn't. "Why'd he do it?" Dean whispered, clawing at his face. "I love him... I love him so much..."

An unfamiliar doctor walked into the room, his voice never being heard by Castiel before. He wordlessly walked in with a nurse trailing along behind him with a set of sedatives. Castiel eyed them widely. He knew exactly what those where. He'd seen Jimmy being issued them enough times to know what their intentions were. Castiel knew it was hopeless but he fought against it anyway, punching the doctor square in the jaw before trying to get out of bed but he was too weak, to helpless without Dean. He fell straight to the floor, sobbing weakly as his drips ripped out in the process. The nurse stabbed his arm and the cool relief of the liquid flowing through his veins sent him back under. It was only when he resurfaced did he find he'd been bound by his wrists to keep him in place and keep him from both hurting anyone and himself.

Bobby placed a hand on Dean's shoulder and gripped if firmly, a heavy, reassuring weight. Fatherly and kind, and Dean found himself leaning towards it, craving more of Bobby's caring and support. Bobby sighed heavily. "Dean, that boy has been through a lot of shit," Bobby told him, "And he's tired. He's broken, and he's grown so dependent on you that he literally can't live without you." Dean clenched his teeth to stifle another sob. He knew all of this. He knew it was true, he'd seen it for himself and it scared him. "I know it ain't healthy, look where it got him." Bobby continued slowly, carefully choosing his words. "He's been beaten and abused and threatened his whole life. He's lost his brother, and now he thinks he's lost you." Dean sobbed bitterly. "He shouldn't need me so much," he whispered painfully, "I shouldn't have to be his entire world. I shouldn't have to be the only thing keeping him alive. He's killing me, Bobby," And Dean broke into sobs. Bobby pulled him close for a comforting hug and just held him as he cried, and Dean let himself go again. "This is so fucked up," he cried, and Bobby hummed in agreement. "I know, Dean." They stayed that way for a long time until Bobby gently pushed him away to look into his eyes. "He needs professional help or he's going to push himself over the edge and just give up, like he almost did tonight. But right now, I think he needs to see you." Dean shook his head violently and buried his face in Bobby's shoulder. "No," he groaned, "I can't, I can't...I can't..."

Castiel cried, tugging at his bonds. They'd tied his wrists to the metal frame of the bed and there was no way he was going anywhere any time soon. A woman with tied up hair and smart business attire entered the room and pushed her glasses up the bridge of his nose as she sat down mechanically. Checking her notes she gave a thin clinical smile. "Hello Castiel. My name is Dr Rosen, I'm here to talk to you about your incident." Castiel's jaw clenched. He refused to talk to anyone that wasn't Dean. Despite being long gone. Castiel was willing to become a mute as his own punishment for pushing away the one thing that stood by him all this time. Dr. Rosen, despite Castiel not saying anything, took notes on Castiel's behaviour and raised an eyebrow at her challenging patient. This may take some time yet.

Bobby sighed tightly and looked at the opposite wall thoughtfully as he tried to figure out what to do. After a long moment of listening to Dean cry and feeling his shoulders shake and tremble, Bobby patted Dean on the shoulder and stood up. "I'm gonna go see what's going on," he told Dean, and Dean didn't respond. Bobby took off his jacket and draped it over Dean's chest to try to warm him up a little, and then he walked up to the receptionist and asked to visit Castiel, and she directed him in the right direction. Bobby knocked on the closed hospital room door and waited.

Dr. Rosen ignored the door but Castiel eyed it hungrily, desperate for a distraction from this hell he had found himself in. This was exactly what Jimmy had gone through and he was so scared that it would happen to him too. He needed to see Dean again. He couldn't let Dean not know what happened to him if he did end up in the nut house. God knows that's where he deserved to be. "Castiel," she said softly, pulling him out of his thoughts. "Do you have visitors?" Castiel nodded. He didn't know who it was but he just wanted this woman to stop asking him questions about his family and his medical history. Dr Rosen nodded, opening the door and letting the visitor in but she remained in the room, observe his reactions to the visitor.

Bobby smiled politely at the woman who opened the door and then stepped past her to see Castiel. "Oh, Cas," he said sadly, looking at his current position strapped down to the bed, his hair patchy and thin, irritated, painful patches of his scalp showing through. Bobby slowly walked up to the bed and sat down in the chair beside it, folding his hands and leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "Not doing to good, huh?" He muttered sadly, looking at Castiel. "What's going on, Cas? What happened?"

Castiel watched with saddened eyes as Bobby walked in. A small part of him was devastated Dean wasn't on the other side of the door but he deserved that. Of course he didn't want to see him. Probably never would again. He let out a soft sob and a shuddery breath as Bobby sat down and spoke. He looked over at Dr Rosen before looking back at Bobby and answering..sort of. "Tell Dean.." he began his voice barely above a whisper, swallowing thickly before continuing. "I wanna watch Hope blow out the candles at her 21st."

Bobby squinted in confusion at the odd reply. It made absolutely no sense to him, but he nodded. "He's gonna come in here in a little while, why don't you tell him yourself?" He suggested gently, hoping that whatever was going on between these two could be fixed. He was going to force Dean in here to talk to Cas if it was the last thing he did, because nothing would ever get solved if they didn't. "Dean's feeling a bit hurt right now," Bobby told Castiel carefully, "He's having a hard time understanding what happened. I think you boys need to talk."

Castiel sucked in a breath. He was still here. Somewhere in the hospital and a complete mess. Castiel thought Bobby was here because his mom was in France. He'd be his next of kin on the medical records as well as Crowley. He nodded enthusiastically and looked subtly over at Dr Rosen who was writing down notes before looking back at Bobby. "Take her with you," he pleaded, tears forming in his eyes.

Bobby glanced over at the woman writing down notes from the corner of the room, and he shook his head in irritation. Why the hell was somebody in here analyzing Castiel like he was some kind of experiment. He looked back at Cas and smiled reassuringly, patting his shoulder. "I'll see what I can do," he promised. "I'll be back soon, and Dean will be with me." Bobby stood up and opened the door. "Can I speak with you for a moment outside?" He asked the woman.

Castiel let out a sigh in relief as Dr Rosen reluctantly nodded and left the room with Bobby. He was so damn scared they were going to put him in the hospital where Jimmy had been. He couldn't go through that. Not without Jimmy. Not without Dean together or not it would be soul-destroying for them both and Castiel couldn't go through that.

"My name is Robert Singer," he told her, "I'm a good friend of Castiel's mother and also Castiel's teacher, and I believe I'm listed on his emergency contacts. I've known that boy for years and he's always been a bit troubled, just very quiet and withdrawn, not much confidence and no social activity. This year he met his boyfriend, Dean, and they've been together for months now, and Castiel has changed so much. But you have to understand that he's had an extremely difficult childhood and that's damaged him emotionally. I'm gonna bring Dean in here and I want them to have some time alone, if that's all right. I get that you're supposed to observe him or something, but he needs time alone with Dean."

Dr Rosen wanted to argue with the man but she looked through the window at Castiel and considered a moment. "Very well. I'll be back this afternoon to speak with him and Dean." She soon took off after that. Obviously annoyed she'd have to reschedule but it wasn't like Castiel was willing to talk to her anyway. Perhaps after seeing his boyfriend she may be able to get something out of him.

Bobby sighed in relief and headed back to the waiting room. Dean was exactly where he'd left him, in the exact same position, and Bobby sat down beside him and touched his arm. "I just spoke with Castiel," he told him gently, "He wants to see you, Dean. Will you come with me?" Dean looked up at Bobby tearfully and bit his lip, his gaze slipping back to the floor. "I don't know if I can," he mumbled, feeling tired and numb. He just wanted to go home, but how could he? Home wasn't even home anymore. "I know you're upset and confused, but it'll help to talk to him, believe me." Dean sat still for a long moment, but then finally stood up and nodded reluctantly, not saying anything. Bobby placed a hand on his back and led him down the hall towards Castiel's room.

Castiel was all alone again and he was afraid Bobby would never come back let alone Dean. He'd never felt more isolated in his life. Unsure whether those he loved would ever come back after what he put them through. He tugged uselessly at his bonds sighing pathetically before leaning back against the bed and closing his eyes when he saw Dean and Bobby coming. His heart stopped and he dipped his head to the side to hide his tears. He was a mess and didn't want Dean to see just how low he'd sunk.

Bobby opened the door and gently pushed Dean inside, closing the door behind him. Dean turned around and looked at the closed door, wanting nothing more than to run and hide, because he couldn't face Castiel like this. It was too painful. Pulling the blanket tighter around himself, he shuffled into the room and his jaw dropped when he saw Castiel. He was dressed in hospital clothing, strapped down to the bed by a five-point restraint, and his hair was viciously torn out, revealing patches of painful scalp. His head was turned away and Dean was unable to see his face, and he paused for a moment. "Cas...?" He murmured, voice breaking on the single syllable.

Castiel didn't look up when Dean spoke but sighed thankfully. He'd come. He'd actually come back for him. "Dean," he choked, fresh tears sliding down his face. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold Dean tight but he was tied down and so lost without Dean to tell him everything would be okay. He was scared not knowing what the future wouldd be for them but he told Dean nevertheless what he hoped it would be. "I..I want to see Hope blow out her candles at her 21st. I want to see Jimmy learn to ride his bike. I want to paint the walls of our new home with you. Hold you during a thunderstorm and drink wine on lazy Sunday afternoons.I want a life, Dean," he sobbed in a broken whisper. "Please don't leave me," he begged, finally looking up at Dean with wide watery eyes.

Dean sat carefully in the chair beside the bed and curled up in his blanket, looking down at the floor as Castiel spoke. He wanted all of those things too, but he wasn't sure what to think anymore. He realized he was angry. He was angry at Cas. Actually, he was furious. "You almost left me," he hissed bitterly, "You were planning on it. You wanted to die and leave me all alone." He looked up, frustrated tears in his eyes again. "But you didn't get what you wanted, did you. If it wasn't for me, you'd be dead right now." He took a deep shuddering breath, not once tearing his gaze away from Castiel's and not moving. "I've always been there for you, tried to make you happy, tried to show you how much you mean to me, how much I love you, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough for you, was it? Cas, I don't know what else to do."

Castiel listened to Dean, watching with scared eyes as Dean tore him a new one. Once he was done Castiel let out a shaky breath he hadn't known he'd been holding in. "Dean," he breathed. "I-I did this for you. I was so scared of loosing you, of loosing myself. I-I couldn't put you through that. Not again. You deserve better than me. I didn't want you to see me go down the same road as... as Jimmy. I love you, so fucking much." Castiel had to stop to take a breath as new tears slid down his cheeks. He couldn't even wipe his face because of his bonds. "I couldn't...I can't live without you, I know that now. What I did was stupid and so, so unforgiving that I don't even deserve your time being here." He swallowed thickly. "You are the love of my life and you are my fucking world. I-I can't breath without you. You're the reason I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face and a motive to live another day. A-And I'm so sorry I put you through this. I never meant to hurt you. I was trying to save you. From me. From what I'll become."

Dean leaned forward and fisted his hand in the front of Castiel's shirt, staring at him intensely. "Cas, you listen to me," he growled, "Do you honestly think it would help me if you killed yourself? Are you fucking stupid?! Cas, if you died... and you came really fucking close, how do you think that would make me feel? You think I deserve better than you, well, maybe you're right. Maybe I do deserve someone better than you, but I don't want anyone else but you, don't you get it? I don't care how fucked up you are. You're the only one I ever want. How can I make you see that?" Dean took a deep breath and forced himself to stop, because this really wasn't helping, but once he was started he couldn't quit. "Look at this," Dean ordered, holding up his hand with the ring on it. "It's an engagement ring. We're getting married, Cas. You think I'd just accept this from anyone? You think there's someone else out there who would do it for me once you're gone? I want to marry you. I want to commit my life to you, why can't you do the same?" He knew Castiel had already apologized but he couldn't shut his mouth. These were things he needed to say.

Castiel winced as Dean grabbed at his shirt and barked at him. He started crying again, he hadn't meant to hurt Dean so much. "I'm sorry," he choked. He didn't know what else he could say. He loved Dean so much. "I want this..so fucking much," he sobbed, trying to reach out for Dean but his hands were bound. "I want to live a full life, with you. Baby, I want this. Please, give me another chance."

Dean stared at Castiel, breathing hard from his little rant, and then he felt himself just crumble, and the next thing he knew his face was buried in Castiel's chest and he was crying quietly. His hand found Castiel's and held it. All his anger just left him and he felt so, so tired. He closed his eyes and just tried to breathe. "You almost died," he murmured softly, "Cas, you were almost gone... I don't know what..." He trailed off as his throat closed up and more tears came.

Castiel squeezed Dean's hand tightly, glad he could touch Dean if only a little. "I know. I'm so sorry, honey. I never meant.." he began sobbing openly, screwing his eyes shut. Dean's head a comfortable weight against his chest. "It'll never happen again. I never want to hurt you like this ever again," he promised. "I love you so much...I was so upset about..Lucifer.. I didn't see the positive things still in my life."

Dean sobbed and lifted his head a little to wipe at his eyes and he looked up at Castiel's face. "You say that now, but how do I know I can trust you not to do this again?" He cried, "Remember when you were angry at me because of that time I thought you cut yourself? And then we broke up and I trusted you not to hurt yourself? Well, now I don't know about that. I don't know if I can forgive you for this, Cas." He laced their fingers together and held on desperately. "I need you to be okay. You're gonna hate me for saying this but I really think you need help. I can't give you the help you need."

Castiel swallowed thickly. He couldn't believe Dean was saying this to him. He was supposed to be the one person he trusted to not talk about thing he knew would upset him. "I have conditions," he said firmly. "No medication. No hospitals. Just weekly therapy, nothing more." He squeezed Dean's hand tightly. "I will not let you do what my father did to Jimmy."

Dean frowned and shook his head. "You're not getting institutionalized," he said firmly, "Unless it's absolutely necessary. Because if you pull another stunt like this one, or even think about hurting yourself again, I'm not taking any chances. And weekly therapy is definite. I'm really worried about you, Cas. I thought you were getting better."

Castiel sighed, "I am..I just..Lucifer is a sensitive topic. I was so young I-I never found a way to cope with it." He squeezed Dean's hand tightly. "Please baby, I can do better. Please don't send me to a hospital. I-I wouldn't cope. It'd make things worse. Please. I'm getting better. This is just a dip in the road. PLEASE. I can be better," he sobbed.

Dean couldn't look at Cas. He was begging for forgiveness and Dean wasn't sure he could give it to him. He was unwilling to because he'd already given Castiel his complete trust and look where it had gotten them. "Cas, you say you're getting better but I'm really not convinced." He looked up and gestured to the bed, where Castiel was strapped down. "You need to do whatever is going to help you get better."

"Marrying you will make me better," he stressed. "Being with those I love will make me better. If going to therapy will prove to you just how much I want this to work then I'll do it. Just, please. Don't give up on me." He let out a choked sob, tugging at his bonds as he wanted to touch Dean. Hug him, kiss him. "..'cause I'm not giving up on us."

Dean studied Castiel's face and then glanced down at his straining arms, pulling against the restraints, and he sighed and gave in, loosening the straps on his arms as a small sign of tentative forgiveness. "Giving up on you is about the last thing I could ever do," Dean admitted, and then he looked up at Castiel's face, biting his lip sadly when he saw the state of Castiel's hair. "Your hair," he murmured tearfully, reaching a hand up to stroke over it softly. "Oh, Cas..."

Castiel bit back a sob as Dean loosened his restraints. He gave him a thankful smile as he managed to move his hands enough to pull Dean into a hug. "I know, I'm sorry," he whispered, hiding his face in Dean's neck. "I'm so sorry. It won't happen again. I promise."

Dean leaned over Cas, almost laying on top of him as he hugged him tightly and then he pulled back a little to look down at Cas again. "How are you feeling?" He asked gently, continuing to softly stroke what was left of Castiel's hair and wishing none of this had ever happened.

"Better now that you're here," he admitted honestly. "I feel safer with you." He sniffed, leaning into Dean's touch. "I feel stupid. I want to get better. I want to show you I'm worth your time. That you're not just loving a lost cause."

Dean laughed through his tears and rested his head on Castiel's chest again, placing his ear right over his heart. "You're a fucking idiot," he told him quietly. "But that can change. I'll help you just like I've always tried to, and you're going to go to therapy until you're better." Dean leaned up to press a small kiss to Castiel's jaw.

Castiel sniffed, laughing a little with Dean. "I will love, I promise." He managed to move his hands against the bounds to stroke Dean's hair gently. "God, I am so lucky to have you," he sighed. "I fucking love you, babe."

"Yeah," Dean agreed distantly, sighing deeply and closing his eyes tightly. "I know. I love you too." Dean shivered a little as he thought of how close he'd come to losing Castiel forever. How if Dean hadn't found him in time... He bit his lip and tucked his arms against his chest, trembling slightly and still leaning on Castiel.

Castiel held Dean as best as he could because of his restraints. "Shh, it's okay," he said, despite the fact he knew Dean wouldn't believe it for a second. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere," he vowed. "We'll be okay."

Dean sobbed quietly, clinging to Castiel. "I almost lost you," he whispered. He never wanted to let Cas out of his sight again, but he knew that wasn't healthy. They needed to work through these problems together and they would be okay.

"I know," Castiel whispered. "Never again," he promised, pressing a kiss to Dean's forehead and keeping his lips there. "You're so beautiful, kitten," he said, smoothing out the frown wrinkles on Dean's forehead.

Dean smiled through his tears and made a sound that was somewhere between a sob and a laugh, and he closed his eyes and leaned into the familiar feeling of Castiel's lips on his skin. "You're not too bad yourself," he joked shakily, despite his steady tears. He wiped at his eyes in frustration and took a deep breath.

Castiel gave a half smile, pressing close to Dean. "Could you untie this please?" he asked gently, indicating to his restraints. "Just one of them. I promise I won't try anything. I just need to touch you properly. Please?" He looked down at Dean with saddened eyes, wondering if Dean even trust him to just hold him like his.

Dean hesitantly looked down at the restraints and then back up at Castiel's face and he nodded, untying the ones holding Castiel's arms and torso to the table. "And when we were in the cabin and you wanted me to fuck you... Cas, I was hurting you. Using me to hurt yourself is really not okay." Dean told him, tracing his fingers up the inside of Castiel's arm until he reached the scars there and he counted them automatically. Still only ten, thank God.

Castiel sighed in relief as Dean undid his bounds, giving him a thankful smile. He gasped as Dean counted his scars. Just like Jimmy used to. "I leant my lesson," he pouted, hurt that Dean would think he'd harm himself after this. Although he didn't blame Dean for thinking used his now free arm to wrap around Dean properly, holding him gently as he pressed his lips to the top of his head.

Dean leaned into Castiel, closing his eyes and breathing in deeply. He smelled like the river and laundry soap from his hospital clothes and Dean held him tighter. "I know," he murmured, "I'm just glad you're here."

Castiel inhaled deeply, his nose buried in Dean's hair. Castiel hadn't realized that they'd fallen asleep when Dr Rosen came in. Castiel tensed and held hold of Dean tightly. Dr Rosen looked down at Castiel's untied hand in disappointment. Castiel swallowed thickly, leaning closer to Dean. "Castiel, these are for your own safety," she said gently. Castiel nodded, and gestured to the other hand which was still tied up. "I just wanted to hold him," he whispered, gesturing to Dean who was still asleep on his chest. Dr Rosen looked disapprovingly but a quick glance indicated no damage had been done she reluctantly nodded and sat in the vacant chair with her clipboard. "Is this Dean?" she asked, despite knowing the answer it was an easy way for Castiel to ease into the conversation. Castiel nodded, looking down at him with a soft, sad smile. "He's my fiancé." Dr Rosen gave a slight nod, writing on her paper. "And he's the one that saved you?" she asked carefully. Castiel nodded, "In more ways than you can ever imagine."

Dr. Rosen was writing on a blank sheet of computer paper, jotting down any information she could about the patient and his situation. She watched the way Castiel looked at Dean, the way he was tenderly holding him, and it was obvious that Dean was very important to him. She smiled softly and asked, "How long have you two been together?" She knew it was easier to get the patient to open up by asking about something that made him happy, and she'd already found her opening.

Castiel brushed back Dean's hair lightly. "Just coming up for eight months now," he smiled, still looking down at Dean. He didn't like talking to strangers about Dean. Dean was his. No one else would understand but he needed to do this for Dean to show him he could get better. It was this or the awful alternative of being sent to hospital.

Dr. Rosen wrote down '8 months with fiance Dean' on her paper and smiled. "Does he make you happy?" She asked. It was a simple question with a very obvious answer, but she needed to ask it. Dean snored quietly and shifted in his sleep a little, smiling and nuzzling into Castiel's chest. He mumbled something in his sleep and then sighed, falling back to sleep.

"Yes," he replied instantly, kissing Dean's scarred scalp. "He makes me happy." He finally looked up at the doctor, biting his lip. "This isn't his fault," he stressed quietly. "He makes me the happiest man alive. It's not his fault I drove myself under. If anything he's been keeping me above water for this long."

Dr. Rosen chewed the end of her pen thoughtfully as she studied Castiel. She could tell he was telling the truth, and from what she'd heard already Castiel and Dean were not in any kind of abusive or unhappy relationship, and she wrote that down on her paper. "If you're comfortable sharing, I'd like to know your motives behind your attempted suicide and past self-harm." She'd been notified of the scars on Castiel's arm and the fact that he'd pulled his own hair out.

Castiel was hesitant. He'd rather not share his story with anyone but Dean but he had to do this. To prove to Dean he could trust him. "I have 11 scars," he began simply. "One from Dean's father. He's not very acceptant of homosexuals. Ten are self inflicted. Nine from times I felt so low only pain could bring me back to the surface and the tenth..is from when my twin died." He spoke clinically in order to get through this as easily as possible. "My suicide attempt was caused by a trigger...my eldest brother tried to kill me when I was younger. I never dealt with it properly and self harm in the past hasbeen the way I deal with things. It's the only way I know how."

Dr. Rosen nodded professionally and wrote down everything Castiel said, which raised more questions that needed to be answered in order for her to make a full analysis. "When did Dean's father hurt you?" was her first question, because this was a big deal and it could put Dean in danger as well. "Was it after he found out you were together, and has he ever hurt Dean?"

"Before I even met Dean," he answered, swallowing thickly. "I, uh, I had a bit of a crush on him. I did a picture of him for my art class. I was helping my brother at the bar and Dean's father saw the picture. He threatened me and drew a knife to my cheek just before Michael had time to step in. As far as I'm aware, John has only hit Dean a few times. A few black eyes but nothing as extensive as what he did to me.

Dr. Rosen made a quick note to herself in the corner of the paper to get more information on Dean's father, because this was a possible legal case that could be investigated, but not until she had more information. "And, if I may ask, why did your brother try to kill you? What's the story behind all of this?" She asked gently, setting her clipboard aside and leaning forward to look into his eyes kindly and caring.

Castiel held Dean tighter as he mentally prepared himself to talk about Lucifer. "He love my father, too much almost. When he found out I was gay..something switched in him. My father rejected me as his son and I guess Lucifer thought getting rid of me would make our father happy."

Dr. Rosen noticed the way Castiel gripped Dean just a little tighter, and she understood that Castiel depended on Dean greatly. "You mentioned you had a twin... I'm very sorry to hear that he passed away. Do you have any other siblings?" She asked. Dean woke up suddenly, startled awake both by Castiel's tightened grip on him and the presence of an unfamiliar voice in the room, and he snapped his head up and looked at the woman warily. "Who are you?" He asked, sitting up but staying close to Castiel.

Castiel was about to answer when Dean awoke suddenly. He kept him close, shushing him gently. "Dean, it's okay. This is the therapist, Dr Rosen," he whispered into his hair as he kissed his forehead tenderly.

Dean sighed in relief and kissed Castiel's cheek, stroking the back of his neck gently. "Okay," he breathed, and offered a small smile to the therapist. "Am I... should I leave?" He asked awkwardly, glancing back and forth between Dr. Rosen and Cas. Dr. Rosen shook her head. "You may stay," she told him, "If Castiel wants you to. It's up to you, Cas."

Castiel held Dean so he couldn't leave. He want him to see this. Show that he was doing this for him. To get better. To be better. "I want him to stay," he said quietly. "To answer your question, I have five brothers..Michael, Lucifer, Balthazar, Gabriel and Jimmy. Jimmy is dead. Lucifer is in prison. Gabriel is living with Michael because he tied to kill m-me and I have no idea where balthazar is."

Dean grabbed Castiel's hand and held it carefully in both of his own, stroking Castiel's fingers soothingly. It made him incredibly angry and sad to hear Castiel's story again, how two of his brothers had tried to kill him, and one brother was dead. Dr. Rosen picked up her clipboard again and tried to make sense of Castiel's life. "So, five brothers. Lucifer tried to kill you. Jimmy, the one who passed away, was your twin brother. Were you close to him?"

Castiel nodded, swallowing thickly. "He was my world," he choked, biting his lip. "If..if it wasn't for Dean. I would have gone with him." He didn't want her to know that but if she was to help him he thought she should understand just how much Dean means to him. How much he needs him.

Dean raised Castiel's hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles softly, pressing gentle encouragement and promises and hope there. Hearing Castiel's life story summarized and condensed into this somehow made it all the more painful, even though Dean had watched Castiel living it in real time.

Dr Rosen nodded in understanding, observing the interaction between the boys. "I recommend you boys go home, get some sleep and come see me next week. We'll start weekly sessions and take it from there. Dean I think you should come too when possible. It'll be good to see your views on these matters and I'll be able to get a better understanding about your relationship."

Dean nodded, his throat feeling achey and tight, and Dr. Rosen stood up and began loosening Castiel's bonds. "I'm going to give you my number," she told them, "And if anything happens that you feel like you can't control, I want you to call me, all right?" She shook both of their hands and smiled at them kindly. "Here's my number," she said, handing both Dean and Cas a small business card. "Take care of yourselves and each other, and I'll see you next week."

Castiel dropped the card a soon as she left the room, using both hands to hug Dean properly an pepper him with kisses. "I love you," he murmured, holding Dean close and rubbing his back. "My little angel. Don't know what I'd do without you."

Dean bit his lip and hugged Castiel back, feeling as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He closed his eyes and soaked up Castiel's love, the love that had almost killed him. "Sometimes I think we love each other too much," Dean admitted quietly, "But I don't know how to love you less."

Castiel nodded, sighing. "I don't know how either," he admitted. "Maybe once you marry me and raise a few kids together the love will fade," he joked, having heard stories about people falling out of love once they settled down. Castiel just hoped that wouldn't become them.

Dean huffed a dry laugh into Castiel's shoulder. "I doubt it," he said. "It doesn't matter right now. They said you could go home, so let's get the hell out of here." Dean hated hospitals with a passion. His mother had died in a hospital, Dean had been hospitalized for weeks after his accident, and now Castiel had almost lost his life here.


	36. Chapter 36

Castiel nodded, "Okay, love." He carefully took out his IV drips, not wanting to rip them out again and sat up with Dean slowly. His head feeling a little woozy but for the most part he was fine. He took Dean's face delicately in his hands and kissed him slowly, expressing his sadness and love into the kiss. Showing Dean just how sorry he was for all of this. He pulled away, looking over Dean with a soft smile. He looked terrible. Dark circles under his eyes, tear stained cheeks and thin lips. Yet, to Castiel, he was still his beautiful Dean.

Dean kissed Castiel back, reaching up to cover Castiel's hands with his own and hold them to his cheeks, even after Cas pulled away and the gazed at each other. Castiel's skin was pale and his hair was badly damaged, and Dean looked at it sadly. "I remember when we first started dating, you were always wearing that old hoodie and your hair was a mess," he smiled slightly at the memory, "You're beautiful."

Castiel nodded, smiling a little. "I remember," he whispered. "I didn't want Jimmy to feel different but I couldn't just pull my hair out. I get bullied enough so I just used to hide my hair." He blushed as Dean said he was beautiful. He'd said it before but this time it felt intimate and genuine. After everything they'd been through Dean still felt this way about him. "Thank you," he whispered, kissing Dean again.

Dean smiled softly against Castiel's lips and held him for a long time, so incredibly grateful that Cas was alive and here in his arms. Castiel's near suicide had reminded him just how fragile life was, especially for someone as damaged as Castiel, but it also made him more determined to show Cas the good things in life and give him another chance to live. "Come on, let's get out of here." Dean stood up and wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist to lead him over to the wheelchair beside the bed.

Castiel leaned against Dean until he made it to the wheelchair and sat down in it, wheeling himself to the reception desk with Dean's help to get signed out. Bobby was waiting for them and he smiled sheepishly at him. He stepped out of the wheelchair shakily and wrapped an arm around Dean, sharing the blanket with him as Bobby took them out to his car.

"You boys doin' okay?" Bobby asked from the front seat as Dean and Cas sat in the back. Dean, who hadn't let go of Castiel's hand since they got in the car, gave it a gentle squeeze. "Yeah," he said softly, looking over at Castiel with a reassuring smile. Cas would be okay. They would be okay.

Castiel looked over at Dean and felt a surge of warmth spread through him. He nodded in agreement with a soft smile, squeezing Dean's hand back. He leant against Dean and found himself falling asleep. Soon enough, they were at Crowley's and Castiel walked out and into the house in dire need of a shower.

Dean followed Bobby into the house, feeling exhausted. He had no idea what time it was, but he just wanted to sleep. He was still only wearing boxers and the blanket, which were uncomfortably wet and cold. He followed Castiel up the stairs sheepishly, feeling kind of out of place in the nice home.

Castiel went into the bathroom to turn on the water for a shower but stopped short when he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He gasped softly, touching the visible parts of his scalp gently and biting his lip. He looked a mess. He just wanted to cry. Is this what Dean had to look at everyday? The memory etched into his mind. He'd never look at him the same way again.

Dean shuffled into the bathroom after Castiel and paused when he saw the look on his face. Castiel was staring into the mirror with a devastated look in his eyes, and Dean realized he hadn't really seen how bad the hair loss was. Biting his lip, he walked up behind Cas and hugged him around the waist, resting his chin on his shoulder and looking at their reflections in the mirror. They both looked pretty bad, but it was kind of funny, in a way. "We look ridiculous," he said, pointing to his own red, swollen eyes and blotchy skin. He kissed Castiel's cheek gently. "Looks like you're gonna have to wear a hat for a while. I've got a few ideas." He said lightly, trying to cheer Castiel up.

Castiel gave a small smile, leaning back against Dean. "I think I can pull off a hat," he mused, trying to stay positive despite how crummy he felt. "Maybe that newspaper boy hat you got me," he smiled. Happy memories. That could work. Just keep on happy thoughts. "Gotta look sexy for my man," he said with a half-heated laugh.

Dean grinned and buried his face in Castiel's neck. "Yeah, that could work," he agreed, "Baby, you're already sexy. But for some reason I'm imagining you with one of those hipster slouchy hats, maybe get you some wide-rimmed glasses..." He teasingly tickled Castiel in the side and turned him away from the mirror. "Come on, let's get cleaned up and then maybe take a nap. I'm beat."

Castiel managed an actual honest laugh at that, leaning into Dean and kissing his cheek where he could. He nodded, putting on the water and stripping out of his hospital gown. He took off Dean's still damp boxers and they showered under the relief of the hot water. Once they were clean, Castiel led them to bed where Castiel curled up against Dean's side and rested his head on Dean's chest.

Dean sighed in relief once they were finally in bed and wrapped an arm around Castiel's warm body. They were silent and comfortable for a long moment, and Dean kissed Castiel's head gently. "You're gonna be all right, baby," he murmured, "We'll get you through this, I promise. I don't want you to be in pain anymore, emotional or physical. I want you to be happy."

"I know we will," Castiel hummed, confident that Dean would keep him strong and fighting. He snuggled in tighter at Dean's side and fell asleep. He awoke in the late morning still pressed snugly to Dean's side. He smiled warmly, kissing Dean where he could reach. "Hey," he said softly, glad Dean hadn't left. That he was still alive and everything was going to be okay.

Dean was already half awake when Castiel kissed him and murmured softly in his ear, and Dean smiled and turned towards him with his eyes still closed, seeking his lips for a kiss. "Hey yourself," he replied sleepily. He realized he'd held onto Cas all night long, in a secure hold as if he was afraid Cas was going to leave him, which he supposed was true. "How are you feeling?"

Castiel gave a soft smile. "Better," he assured. "I..I got caught up in the moment the other day. So fixated on the negatives I didn't see what was right in front of me. You. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I was a fool to forget that." He kissed Dean slowly, tenderly. "I love you, Dean," he breathed, rubbing his thumb over Dean's bottom lip.

Dean leaned into the kiss and swiped his tongue gently over the soft curve of Castiel's dry lips and then rubbed his nose against Castiel's as he backed away slightly. He smiled lazily at Castiel, whose face was only inches away on the crisp white pillowcase, late morning sun pouring in through the window and lighting up Castiel's skin. "You wanted me to hurt you," he said, his smile fading and his eyes slipping away from Castiel's. "I... I couldn't do that."

Castiel swallowed thickly, cupping Dean's cheek so he'd look at him. "I know, kitten, and I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do..I was scared. I wasn't thinking straight. I thought it would help." He sighed, brushing his nose against Dean's "Don't be mad at me, baby. Please. I'm sorry," he whispered.

Dean closed his eyes and sighed slightly, pressing his nose against Castiel's cheek and then brushing it against Castiel's skin until he nudged at the underside of Castiel's jaw and pressed a kiss there before relaxing and sighing again. "I'm not mad at you," he said eventually, "Well, maybe a little... mostly I'm just scared. I don't like seeing you hurt and it was absolutely horrible knowing that I was the one causing it." He pressed his lips to Castiel's throat. "I love you so much," he whispered, "I never want to hurt you."

Castiel shook his head, "It wasn't your fault. I forced that on you. I made you do it. You told me not to and I did it anyway." He sighed helplessly, pressing his lips to Dean's forehead. "I'm so sorry, love. I love you, too." He held Dean close, wrapping his arms around the other and resting his hand in his fiance's hair. "Do you still want a family with me?" he asked quietly.

Dean went very still at Castiel's question, and he had to think carefully about his answer. "I want to have a family with you," he told Cas, "But I don't think we should rush into things. We need to think about this. I don't want to raise children in an unstable environment". He stroked Castiel's arm gently. "We have to make sure we'll both be responsible, reliable parents... and I'm talking about myself, too."

Castiel nodded, "I understand. I wasn't implying that we should right away. I need to get better first, I know that." He bit his lip, leaning into Dean's touch. "I just wanted to know what I can expect for our future. Something to head towards. Something positive to focus on, you know?"

Dean smiled softly at Castiel and stroked his face. "I know," he murmured, "And whatever happens in the future, I'll be with you. Don't focus on the past, because there's no point to that. What happened, happened, and now we just need to try to move on and look towards the future."

Castiel felt warm inside, the thought of Dean still wanting to be in his future made him happy. He pressed his lips to Dean's, humming softly. "Okay," he agreed quietly, stroking Dean's hair. "I'd like that," he smiled, looking over at Dean lovingly. He really wanted to be able to create his own future with Dean. The thought alone making him hum with joy.

Dean smiled softly and let his eyes roam over Castiel's face. He lazily traced Castiel's arm with his fingertips and then entwined their fingers. "I think what we have is really special," he said, "And we could really be amazing together. With a family. I can picture us living somewhere in our own house, kids and maybe a pet, possibly even a minivan..." He trailed off dreamily.

Castiel hummed happily. "Maybe I could breed Amber," he mused. He pressed a light kiss to Dean's cheek. "She's a rare breed, her littler would be worth quiet a bit. We could keep a couple and sell the rest, put it towards the wedding?" he suggested. "That's another thing we'll need to sort out. The wedding. You think Sam would be our best man?"

Dean giggled. "You're really just gonna pimp your cat out like that?" He joked, "She's pretty fine for a cat. I'm sure all the boy kitties will be like _meooooww!" _He nipped playfully at Castiel's lips and licked the tip of his nose. "I actually think that's a pretty good idea. Little baby Ambers. And yeah, I was thinking Sam could be the best man. He'd love that."

Castiel giggled, pressing his nose against Dean's. "Well why not? She's a Scottish Fold. People pay like $500 for a cat like her, being a pedigree and all." He grinned when Dean said Sam would do it. "That's great, honey. Oh, it's going to be so wonderful. Having your brother and my Michael there. Everyone we love to share our day with. I can't think of anything better."

Dean smiled and poked Castiel's cheek with his nose playfully. "Yeah, it's gonna be great. I kinda want to keep it small and intimate, just in case any fights break out between our families. I don't think my dad's gonna want to come, though." He smiled sadly and traced the shell of Castiel's ear. "It's okay, though. And we don't exactly have the biggest budget, so I don't think we should go overboard."

Castiel smiled sadly, kissing the upset look from Dean's face. "My dad sure as hell ain't coming either," he added, trying to make Dean feel like he wasn't alone in the pathetic father department. "Of course, honey. We can just get married in the park," he suggested. "But in the winter when it snows, it'll be perfect," he sighed dreamily.

"Yeah. A winter wedding sounds perfect. Anybody who hates the snow is just going to have to deal with it." He kissed Castiel's cheek and grinned at him. Things would be okay. They had good things in the future to look forward to, goals to work towards, and their love for each other hadn't been damaged at all. "I think we should serve hot chocolate at the reception," he said with a smile, "And maybe... uh, what kind of cake are we getting?"

Castiel hummed happily, listening to Dean plan their special day with him. "Chocolate, maybe? Oo! Like that cake we had on our first date?! Now _that_ was a cake," he grinned, kissing Dean happily. "We need to date more," he mused. They'd only done it a few times which was ridiculous considering how long they'd been together.

"Yeah, we should go on more dates. I like showing you off." Dean tightened his arm around Castiel's waist for a warm hug and then rested his hand on his hip. "Oh well, it's not until the winter after our senior year of high school, we'll have plenty of time to think about it. And plenty of time to take each other out to dinner."

Castiel grinned, brushing his nose against Dean's. "We sure do, honey," he hummed. Castiel laughed a little too. "We should get drunk more," he mused. "I like being all loose and fun with you," he laughed. "Although past the Mary Poppins routine I'm not quite sure what happens."

Dean laughed into Castiel's neck. "That was amazing," he agreed, "You're the happiest drunk I've ever seen. You were up on the bar singing and dancing and I think people were throwing money... I don't really remember much of it to be honest but luckily I got it all on tape." He smirked, kissing Castiel's cheek. "You want some breakfast? I'm starving."

Castiel chuckled, kissing Dean deeply before nodding. He sat up a little, stretching and looking down at Dean's naked form appreciatively. "We might wanna get dressed first," he giggled. Feeling warm and content. He slid off the bed and picked up a pair of boxers and a plaid shirt of Dean's to wear and pulled a slut pose for Dean. "You think this is appropriate for cookin' my man breakfast?" he teased.

Dean rolled his eyes fondly. "Appropriate for me, maybe, but somehow I don't think your mother would approve. Not to mention Crowley and Bobby. Actually, I'd like to see you in an apron. Only an apron." Dean grinned and stretched as well, the sheets sliding low on his hips as he moved on the bed slightly. He winked suggestively at Cas and then stood up, finding some clothes of Castiel's to wear. He put on a black tank top and a pair of plaid sleep pants he found in the drawer.

Castiel smirked. "Mom's still in France, Crowley's in town and I doubt Bobby's outta bed yet." He trailed a finger lightly down Dean's chest. "Come on, live a little," he purred, kissing Dean's cheek and pulling on a pair of sweat pants just in case but he kept the shirt half buttons up to show his collarbone. He slapped Dean's ass before padding downstairs and starting to find ingredients to make pancakes.

Dean rose his eyebrows, momentarily speechless as Castiel slunk out of the room. "Hot damn," he muttered to himself after a moment, grinning widely and following Castiel downstairs. Dean was so amazed at Castiel's mood change; he'd been suicidal the night before and now he looked perfectly fine. And Dean could tell it wasn't just an act. In the kitchen, Castiel was rooting around in the cupboards and Dean began opening random drawers and cupboards to see what food there was. He found bacon in the refrigerator and set it on the counter with a triumphant grin.

Castiel was feeling fresh and active. His suicide attempt giving him a new insight on life. Making him _want _to be positive, be happy and most of all spend his life with Dean. He started putting flour and water in a bowl and mixing up the batter to make pancakes. "There's syrup in the cupboard," he commented, humming happily to himself.

Dean looked at Castiel with a bemused smile and pushed aside some spice bottles until he found the syrup, and he set it out on the table and then got the eggs out for Cas. He found plates, forks, and knives and set them out too, and then he searched around in the cupboards curiously until he found a bag of white, butterscotch, and milk chocolate chips, and he grinned and held them out to Cas. "Jackpot,"

Castiel looked up at Dean with a curious look and grinned. "Chocolate chip pancakes, sweet!" he cheered with a slight chuckle, grabbing the packets and mixing them into the batter before pouring the mix into the frying pan and making sweet pancakes for their breakfast. He put bacon and eggs into another pan and kissed Dean deeply as he waited for it all to cook. "You doin' okay, honey?" he murmured.

Dean moaned quietly into the kiss and had to remind himself not to put his hands in Castiel's hair and pull slightly like he usually did, because Castiel's scalp was probably pretty sensitive still and Dean didn't want to accidentally rip out any more hair. Instead, he settled for dragging his fingernails lightly over the back of Castiel's neck and the tops of his shoulders where the loose shirt sagged. "I'm okay," he said, looking into Castiel's eyes. "Are you?"

Castiel nodded sincerely. "You know what, I really am." He smiled genuinely. He felt reborn, this was his second chance to prove himself and by God was he going to take it. He flipped the pancakes and served them up along with the bacon and eggs and two glasses of OJ and came and sat on the island with Dean, kissing his cheek. "This okay for you, honey?" he asked, taking a bite of a pancake.

Dean smiled softly at Castiel. "That's really good to hear," He murmured, "I'm so glad." He took the pancakes and put a little butter and syrup on them and bit into it with a loud moan. "This is the best idea I've ever had," he exclaimed around a mouthful of delicious chocolaty pancake and closed his eyes in pleasure. "I'm a fucking genius."

Castiel chuckled, looking over fondly at his fiancé. He was adorable like this. Flushed and warm from sleep and giddy from the simple things in life, much like a five year old. He kissed his cheek, smiling warmly and tussling his hair. "Maybe you should do home ech next year. You would totally ace it."

Dean swallowed and grinned excitedly. "That's a good idea," he said happily, shoving in another forkful of delicious sugary goodness. "Then you should take it too. You're the one who cooked all of this," he finished his bite of pancake and picked up a slice of bacon, which he dipped in syrup and ate in two bites.

Castiel laughed, "Honey, that's gross." How Dean could eat like that was beyond him but he loved him all the same. "That's not a bad idea. I've always wanted to do it but I was afraid it might just provoke bullies. Home ech isn't exactly a manly subject but if we did it together no one would be able to question it."

Dean sighed. "Screw manliness," he said, "I honestly don't care what people think anymore. I'm proud to be your boyfriend, soon to be husband, and since neither of us are women we won't have anyone in the house who knows how to mend things and cook stuff and be general homemakers, not to be stereotypical or anything. I'm a horrible cook, though. So it wouldn't hurt to learn how." He smiled and took another bite of syrup flavored bacon.

"True," Castiel smiled, grimacing as Dean dipped his bacon again. Though he did lick a small spot of syrup that had been left on the corner of Dean's mouth. He chuckled softly, swinging his legs happily. "So, what do you want to do today. I was thinking maybe going to see Sam or something. Seeing as we can't go to your house. Why not take him out for the day or something? Give him his gifts?" he suggested.

Dean scrunched up his face in mock disgust as Castiel licked him, and then nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, sounds good. Where should we go? Wanna head out to the beach or something, it's supposed to get really hot today. And maybe Sam could bring Ruby and we'll make it a double date. And we can bring a picnic."

Castiel made a small noise in appreciation. "Honey, that sounds amazing." He sighed happily and nodded, eating his pancakes. "Call him, see if they're up for it. God, today's gonna be a good day. I can feel it." He hummed happily as he finished his food and set on cleaning up the dishes, just after he kissed Dean's temple.

Dean grinned happily and took the phone out of its cradle to call his house. "Dean? Where the hell are you, I've been trying to call you all morning! Is Cas okay? He didn't look so good last night." Dean calmed him down, "Sam, relax. Everything's fine. I'm at Bobby and Crowley's house with Cas right now. Listen, Cas and me are gonna go to the beach for the day, you wanna come? Oh, and ask Ruby if she'll come too. It'll be nice." Sam agreed almost immediately, and Dean hung up the phone a moment later after making some plans to pick Sam and Ruby up at a certain time and then went over to help Cas with the cleanup from their breakfast.

Castiel had almost finished cleaning once Dean came to help him and he smiled, booping his nose with a soapy finger and giggled when the suds stayed there. He dried his hands and rummaged through the fridge for meats, cheeses and salad and placing all the items on the counter. Getting some bread and making a whole stack of sandwiches for their picnic. "Kitten, I'm scared," he admitted quietly. "I haven't spoken to Ruby since the night of the play. She's going to kill us for ruining the other three."

Dean groaned in agreement and closed his eyes. "I completely forgot about that," he said, "I was out of school for so long after the accident and I haven't seen her since then, she and Sam have both been too busy to hang out much." He sighed and rubbed a hand over his head. "I'm sure she'll understand," he reasoned, "I mean, there was another Tony... I'm not sure what they did about Riff because I don't think any other guys in the school can dance like you and there was so much to practice."

Castiel bit his lip. "I'm sure she'll understand," he hoped. "It's not like you we could help what was going on," he shrugged. He finished making the food and put them in brown paper bags to put in a backpack. He gave a soft sigh and kissed Dean briefly. "I'm going to go find that hat you bought me. Don't want Sammy freaking out on me," he said quietly, padding back upstairs.

Dean smiled sadly at Castiel and touched his cheek softly as Castiel walked away and headed up the stairs. He smiled at the lunch bags and briefly imagined packing lunches for their future children, getting them ready to send off to school. He wondered if he should tell Sam what happened last night, but Sam was smart and would probably not bring it up even if he thought of it.

Castiel was upstairs. He's changed into a pair of grey knee length denim shorts and a white graphic t-shirt with a wolf's head in the centre. He picked up the newspaper boy hat and placed it over his hair so the front still stuck out, styling what hair he had left around the hat. He looked in the mirror and hummed. Not too bad considering it was only yesterday that he looked one step away from death. He still looked a little tired but for the most part he was fresh and clean looking.

Dean headed up the stairs a moment later and found Cas in the bedroom they'd slept in last night, and he smiled, impressed. "Wow," he said, "Lookin' good." He dug around in Castiel's drawers until he found a pair of swim trunks and he put them on, keeping the tight black tank top on and not bothering with finding another shirt.

Castiel blushed, looking uncertainly in the mirror. "You don't think it's too much? Like I'm trying to hard to hide something?" Castiel was just worried that Sam would tell something was up and he didn't want to go down that road again. He just wanted to have a nice day out with his fiancé and his soon to be brother-in-law.

"You look amazing," Dean told him, kissing his cheek. "It's not too much. And don't be too freaked out if Sam knows something's up, you know how he is. Too smart for his own good." Dean found Castiel's aviator sunglasses and put them on, making a sexy face in the mirror.

Castiel hummed uncertainly but his worries where lifted when Dean cheered him up by making a ridiculous face in the mirror. "Gorgeous, baby," he grinned, kissing his cheek and leaning his chin on his shoulder, wrapping his arms around his waist. "Seeing as your car is still at the cabin I guess we'll have to take my bike out. You're gonna look so hot," he murmured. "I just wanna eat you up."

Dean smiled and leaned back in Castiel's embrace contentedly, excited to spend a day at the beach with him. "Yeah, Ruby has her license so she can drive Sam out there and meet us." He lifted the sunglasses up to his forehead and then turned to face Castiel, gazing at him intently and stroking a few stray strands of hair to the side and then leaning in for a gentle kiss. "Don't forget sunblock," he murmured, "Don't want all of that beautiful delicate fair skin getting sunburned."

Castiel chuckled, leaning into Dean's kisses. His arms wrapped around his neck as he pressed his lips tenderly against Dean's. "Good idea, baby," he murmured, bumping his nose against Dean's before moving away. "Okay. Time to get going," he announced, rummaging through Dean's bag he'd left the night before for Sam's gifts and put them in his backpack. "You ready, tiger?"

Dean grinned and nodded. "Let's go," he replied, slapping Castiel's ass before wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him in for a hot, brief kiss before walking away and heading downstairs to the garage, where Castiel's motorcycle was parked. Dean was feeling a lot more confident about Castiel's emotional state now, and he thought that a day of fun at the beach with people who care about him would be really good for him.

When Dean went down to the garage, Castiel took a moment to breathe. He was feeling a lot better. A more positive look on life but he was still trying to cope. It would take time of course but he still just needed a minute. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath before padding downstairs after Dean and getting on the motorcycle. "Okay," he smiled timidly. "Let's go to the beach."

Dean smiled and sat behind Castiel on the motorcycle, putting on his helmet and wrapping his arms around his fiance's waist like he had so many times before, and he rested his chin on Castiel's shoulder. "Let's go," he agreed happily, giving Castiel's middle a gentle squeeze and kissing his cheek. "Today's gonna be a good day."

Castiel grinned excitedly, turning on the engine and riding to the beech. It'd been a while since he'd ridden but it felt good to be back with the wind brushing against his cheeks, causing them to tinge red. They got to the beach and he parked up, looking out at the sea nervously. He want to put his feet in but he was afraid of what Dean would think. He wanted him to trust him and he wasn't sure if Dean was ready to.

Dean grabbed the bag containing the blanket and their lunch and slung it over his shoulder, grabbing Castiel's hand and running excitedly onto the sand, whooping enthusiastically as the hot sand shifted under their feet and kicked up behind them, the strong sea wind and the salt air refreshing and filling him up with excited energy. He stopped and placed their stuff down on a spot on the sand. They were at a more private section of the beach, not many people around, and Dean grinned at Castiel and took out his phone to text Sam that they were there.

Castiel was about to ask if Dean was okay with this until he suddenly dragged him across the beach whooping excitedly. Castiel laughed, stopping to catching his breath and pulled out the blanket and spread it out across the sand. He kissed Dean's cheek and sat down, adjusting his hat self-consciously before taking his phone out and taking a picture of Dean.

Dean didn't realize Cas had taken a picture of him, busy gazing out over the ocean and smiling dreamily, and he glanced back at Cas and saw that he was holding his phone up, sitting on the blanket on the sand. Dean took his shirt off and flopped down on the blanket beside Cas, squinting his eyes shut tight against the bright sunlight and soaking up the warmth happily. "This is great," he sighed, checking his phone quickly. "Sam and Ruby should be here in about 20 minutes."

Castiel swallowed thickly, looking over at Dean. His sun kissed skin practically glowing, despite the faint scars but Castiel didn't care. He thought he was beautiful anyway. "20 minutes, huh?" he smirked, trailing his fingertips lightly over Dean's chest. "I think I can work with that." He pressed a teasing kiss to Dean's lips before pulling away and lying back against the blanket.

Dean grinned and kissed Castiel back, whining a little when Cas pulled away. He leaned over Castiel, smiling down at him and pushing his sunglasses up to his forehead. He slid one hand up Castiel's shirt, fingers splaying over his stomach, and licked at his lips teasingly. "What could we do in 20 minutes?" He grinned.

Castiel giggled, leaning into Dean's touch. He didn't want to remove his shirt, he still had the marks on his chest where they resuscitated him the other night. He rested his hand over Dean's under his shirt and smiled. "I'm not doing this on a beach," he said timidly, still laughing. He blushed deeply as he looked away. There wasn't many people on the beach. In fact it was quite secluded but he still wasn't sure about being so open in public.

Dean kissed Castiel once more before backing away with a reluctant smile. "Okay, babe. Later, then." Dean stroked his thumb softly over Castiel's lower lip and then sat up, burying his toes in the warm sand and smiling contentedly. He leaned back on his elbows and tipped his face up to the sun.

Castiel gave an apologetic smile and sat up, taking off his shoes to feel the sand between his toes. He leant against Dean and kissed his shoulder. "Sorry, love," he murmured, closing his eyes to stop the sun from hurting his eyes. He sighed, seeing two figures ascend towards them. "Here comes Sammy," he said guiltily. They'd left Sam alone before, the night he saw Lucifer and he hated leaving Sam in the dark like that. "Please..please don't say anything," he begged quietly to Dean.

Dean waved to Sam and Ruby in the distance as they approached across the beach, Ruby's yellow car parked beside Castiel's motorcycle. He turned to Cas and looked into his eyes earnestly, the sun and the blue sea making Castiel's eyes impossibly bright and blue, temporarily leaving Dean breathless. "I won't say anything and Sam won't ask, I promise." A moment later, Sam and Ruby reached them and sat down on the blanket. Dean grinned at them and Sam took Ruby's bag and placed it on the blanket beside Dean and Castiel's.

Castiel stroked Dean's cheek briefly and nodded. "Okay." Castiel grinned when Sam came and sat down he practically jumped on him, "SAMMY" He chuckled, wrapping his arms around Sam excitedly and hugging him tightly. Ruby rolled her eyes and sat between Dean and Sam. "And I thought Sam was the immature one," she commented dryly.

Sam yelped in surprise and fell backwards a little as Castiel threw himself into his arms. He hugged the smaller boy back gladly and gave Dean a meaningful smile over Castiel's shoulder, and Dean grinned back at him and nodded slightly. Dean kissed Ruby on the cheek and smiled at her. "I haven't seen you in ages," he said to her, "I'm really sorry about ruining the play."

Castiel grinned, leaning up a bit to move away from Sam. "It's so good to see you," he said meaningfully. He'd almost lost everyone he loved, including Sammy. Ruby looked annoyed but she sighed defeatedly. "It's okay. Sam told me what happened. You couldn't have seen that coming. How are you holding up anyway?" Ruby had done the other plays with Chuck and someone standing in for Castiel. It wasn't as great as opening night but everyone had worked too hard to cancel.

Sam smiled softly at Cas and pushed himself up so he was sitting again and hugged Castiel again, wrapping an arm around his neck and squeezing his arm. "It's good to see you too," he said quietly. Sam didn't really know what had happened but he knew it must have been pretty bad. Dean bit his lip guiltily and looked at Ruby with an apologetic expression. "Next year," he promised, "I'll make up for it for the next play." He rubbed the scar on his head self-consciously and shrugged. "Fine, I guess. Almost completely back to normal."

Castiel ran his hand into Dean's hair, moving his hand away and kissed his cheek. "You're beautiful, love," he whispered in Dean's ear. Ruby rolled her eyes fondly. "You better, we need you guys if we're gonna kick ass. Chuck's great but that scene at the end with Riff's death. You guys just knocked it outta the park," she praised. Castiel smiled, and blushed. "Sammy we got you stuff from France," he announced, nudging Dean to give him his gifts.

Dean smiled shyly at Cas and leaned over his lap to grab the bag containing Sam's gifts. He blushed at Ruby's compliment and laughed quietly. "Well, Cas really took one for the team during that scene," he said, grinning at Cas. "That was real blood. And he stayed perfectly in character through the whole thing." Dean took the small paper bag containing Sam's gifts and handed it to him. Sam's eyes widened and he smiled, looking up at Dean and Cas in surprise. "You didn't have to get me anything," he exclaimed, but opened the bag anyway. He pulled out the giant lollipop and laughed. "I've wanted to have one of these since I was five!"

Castiel grinned giddily, hiding his face in Dean's chest. "Well, I didn't want to let you guys down. There wasn't that much left to do anyway." Ruby bit her lip and smiled. "Glad you puled through. Honestly, it was the best night." Castiel laughed as Sam resorted to a small child with his gifts. "With your stature, that lollipop looks almost normal," he teased. Ruby kissed Sam's cheek. "Don't listen to him. You're perfect."

Dean laughed, cupping the back of Castiel's neck and stroking the skin there gently. He felt happy and warm, the hot sun beating down on his bare skin and surrounded by the people he loved most. Sam looked so happy, and Dean watched as Ruby kissed his cheek. Sam smiled at her lovingly and brushed her windblown hair out of her face. Dean nudged Sam's leg with his foot. "Dude, there's still something in there." Sam looked into the bag curiously and pulled out the necklace, looking at it closely, and he put it on immediately, smiling happily. "Thank you," he said softly, looking at both Dean and Cas, and he went forward to hug both of them tightly.

Castiel watched the interaction between Sam and Ruby and smiled, glad Sam had found someone that made him happy. He winced as Sam brought him into a crushing hug. He hugged him back, slightly pushing him away. He adjusted his hat that got knocked askew. "Sammy, you should see the photos. You're brother could be a model, seriously. I think I should become a photographer," he mused, giggling a little.

Dean blushed and shoved Castiel lightly. "Stop," he murmured shyly, hiding his face in Castiel's shoulder. "Cas just takes good pictures. He's so artistic." Sam laughed and poked Dean in the side. "You're blushing," he told him, grinning at Cas. He wondered why Cas was wearing a hat at the beach, but he didn't ask. He simply smiled at him and slipped an arm around Ruby's waist. "Wanna go swimming?" He asked her.

Castiel swallowed thickly when Sam talked about swimming. Ruby nodded, pulling off her top casually, stripping to her bikini underneath and running out towards the sea and tugging on Sam's hand. Castiel laughed, "You guys go on ahead," he called, turning to Dean to murmur in his ear. "I'll just stay here and watch my gorgeous fiancé sunbathe," he giggled, wrapping an arm around Dean and kissed his nose.

Sam tugged off his shirt after Ruby and stumbled along as he slipped on the sand and ran into the surf with his girlfriend, splashing her playfully and laughing in the ocean. Dean watched them with a soft smile on his face, happy that Sam was happy. Ruby was great and Sam obviously really liked her, and Dean hoped they continued to be together. He turned to Cas and laid on his side, propped on one elbow beside him as he gazed at him lovingly. "Yeah, because that's really exciting. Watching me lay on the ground and get sunburned. Real fun." He teased affectionately.

Castiel huffed half-heartedly. "You can go with them if you want, baby," Castiel mumbled, dipping his head a little. He leant his head against Dean's shoulder and looked out at Sam and Ruby with a soft sigh. "You think they'll stay together?" he asked, changing the subject away from why Castiel wasn't going in the water. He watched as Ruby splashed Sam back and smiled. "He's good for her. Good at taming down her crazy, anyhows."

Dean shook his head and laid down on the blanket, looking over at Cas and tugging him down to lie beside him. "I don't wanna just leave you here by yourself," he protested. "But they really won't mind if they see you... Sure, they'll be concerned and might ask questions but they won't judge you. I trust them not to." Dean kissed Castiel's cheek softly. "I hope they stay together," he said, "I like her. I think they're a good couple, they're kind of opposites but they always say opposites attract, right?"

Castiel bit his lip, looking over at Dean. "I don't want to that to 'em. I've hurt them enough." Castiel took Dean's hand and slipped it up his shirt, resting both their hands over his heart. "I think we're a strong enough example to agree with that term," Castiel smiles, feeling the warmth of the metal ring pressed against his hand.

Dean smiled and laughed lovingly, feeling Castiel's heart beat strong under his hand and cherishing it, unable to believe that he'd almost lost him. That he might not be feeling that same heartbeat right now if Dean had found Castiel in the river one minute later. He moved towards Castiel and kissed him meaningfully. "I love you so much," he whispered, smiling against Castiel's lips.

Castiel hummed against Dean's lips, holding him close. "And I you, kitten," he murmured, pressing his nose against Dean's. He couldn't believe he ever wanted to give this up. Give up his Dean. "We're gonna be okay," he said with confidence. He looked at Dean's scar, etched into his scalp underneath his hair. He smiled warmly "Fuck, you're beautiful. If we weren't on a beach I would so have you right now," he murmured, pecking Dean's lips.

Dean grinned and nipped playfully at Castiel's lips. "What do you say we fool around later, when we're alone?" He purred, pinching Castiel's nipple lightly before dragging his fingertips over Castiel's ribs and over his stomach. He smiled at him suggestively and laid back on the blanket, putting his hands behind his head and soaking up the hot sun with a content sigh.

Castiel nodded, grinning happily, curling up by Dean's side and sighing. Ruby soon came running back up the beach, like something out of baywatch. Castiel could only watch with wide eyes as she came towards them. He didn't need to be straight to know that Ruby was hot. The water latching to her skin as the sun glistened down, making her skin look gorgeous. Castiel swallowed thickly, embarrassed by how easily he'd gawked at her. He hid against Dean's chest, hoping she hadn't caught on but she was too busy messing around with Sam.

Dean looked at Castiel in amusement as Ruby and Sam came running back towards them, and Dean scowled at Cas. "Hey, I can do that too, you know," he muttered, "Wanna see?" Ruby was sexy as fuck and she knew it, running around confidently in her bikini, and Dean couldn't help but notice how awesome her body was. "Seriously, dude, she has boobs. You don't like boobs, remember?" He whispered teasingly into Castiel's ear.

Castiel swatted at Dean's arm and blushed deeper. "I know but I'm only human..and she's fucking gorgeous," Castiel reasoned, hiding his face. Ruby stopped a little away from the so she didn't get the blanket wet and grabbed her towel from her bag and gave one to Sam too. Castiel kept his face hidden, feeling silly.

Dean grinned up at Ruby and whistled at her in appreciation. Sam glared at Dean and whipped him with the towel, and Dean gave him a hurt look. "It was a compliment!" He protested, trying to tug the towel out of Sam's hand. "I was only saying your girlfriend's hot. You're really gorgeous, Ruby." Sam sighed and flipped his wet hair, spraying Dean and Castiel with water like a dog. "Dean!" He yelled, and Dean widened his eyes innocently. "What, are you jealous or something? You're hot too, Sammy! I think you're-" Dean was cut off by a towel thrown at his face and Sam leaning over him. Dean struggled and jabbed Sam with his fingers wherever he could reach, and soon they were wrestling playfully on the sand like a pair of puppies.

Ruby blushed, but only because the guys were brothers and she had a boyfriend now. If it was any other situation, she'd have eaten up the compliments. She rolled her eyes when the boys started to fight. Castiel bit his lip in embarrassed and stood over with Ruby away from the brothers. "It must be a Winchester thing," Ruby laughed. "Fighting does seem to be a family trait, that's for sure," Castiel agreed, letting on more than he knew. Ruby eyed him curiously but didn't say anything. She smiled at him and said, "You must be sweating in that thing." She gestured at the hat before going to steal it. Castiel tried to protest but she was too quick. They gasped in unison for different reasons. The hat falling between them. Castiel froze to the spot, left to watch as Ruby's eyes widened and stared in horror, mouth agape.

Sam was still trying to smother Dean with the towel, and Dean laughed breathlessly and called uncle, and suddenly Sam stopped and sat back on his heels, going still. Dean pulled the towel off his face and sat up, spitting sand out of his mouth and grimacing, but when he saw the look on his brother's face he frowned and followed his gaze to where Castiel and Ruby were standing facing each other. Castiel's hat was off and had fallen to the ground and Ruby was staring at Castiel, eyes wide and horrified, and Sam looked the same, mouth open and shocked. Dean threw the towel aside and went over to Cas. It was too late to hide it, so he simply picked up the hat and handed it back to Cas slowly, biting his lip. He didn't know what to do, but he didn't want Cas to feel uncomfortable.

Castiel swallowed thickly, taking the hat back from Dean and placing it on his head. It was too late to turn back time but he felt more comfortable with his hair hidden. He turned to Dean, scared eyes and grabbing for the other's hand. "I want to go home," he whispered, feeling ashamed and embarrassed. They were looking at him differently and Castiel hated that. He just wanted to be accepted. The way Dean treated him.

Dean hugged Castiel, giving him something to hold onto and something to hide his face in, and he wrapped his arms around him protectively. He looked at Ruby and Sam warningly over Castiel's shoulder, feeling fiercely protective. "Okay," he whispered back to Castiel, "It's okay, baby. I've got you." Dean was surprised when Sam suddenly stepped forward and hugged both Castiel and Dean, his long arms circling around them and Dean bit his lip and looked at Sam gratefully.

Castiel melted in Dean's arms, finding familiarity there. He gasped a little when he felt Sam wrap his arms around them and shortly Ruby did too, following Sam's lead. Castiel felt like crying and he buried his face deeper into Dean's neck. He ignored the fact that Ruby was still wet and soaking the side of his shirt. He'd never felt more loved and it warmed his heart. "I love you all," he whispered, swallowing a broken sob.

Dean sighed in relief and just continued to hold Castiel, feeling incredibly grateful to both Sam and Ruby. Sam rubbed Castiel's back comfortingly and kissed his temple. "And we all love you, Cas." He replied softly, holding Cas for a little while longer and then backing away slightly. The four of them stood in a tight circle, arms around each other, and Sam looked at Castiel with a caring, concerned look. "You're family, and I love you, brother."

Castiel damn well nearly cried as Sam held him tenderly and called him brother. It was more than he could ever hoped for. Not only to find someone who he could love with all his heart but a family to call his own. His were only by blood but this..this was much more intense and real. Ruby stepped away a bit and gave them their space, understanding that this was more of a private thing. She hoped with time she could become a bigger part of it but for now she'd keep her distance. Castiel sniffed, looking up at Sam. "Thank you," he whispered brokenly, a wave of relief flowing through him that they weren't angry or upset with him.

Dean hugged Castiel and kissed his temple. "He's gonna be okay now," he told Sam reassuringly, keeping his arm around Castiel's waist. "He's okay." Dean's eyes prickled a little and he smiled at Sam gratefully. He was so glad that Sam was understanding and cared about Cas like a brother, and Sam looked at Cas earnestly. "Cas... whatever's going on, we won't think any differently of you. If you ever wanna talk about it or anything, if you need anything at all... well, I'm sure you'll go to Dean first but I want you to know that you have me too."

Castiel smiled up at Sam, letting go of Dean and holding Sam tightly for a moment. He was so overwhelmed with happiness to have someone as caring as Sam for a brother. "I know, thank you. I'll be okay, Sammy. Really. I've learnt my lesson," he assured, pressing a brief kiss to Sam's cheek. He did the same with Ruby and took Dean's hand to head back to his motorcycle. Ruby went over to Sam and gave him a worried look as they watched Castiel and Dean walk away.

Dean squeezed Castiel's hand and smiled sadly at him as they walked towards the motorcycle. Once they were standing beside it, Dean put his hands on Castiel's shoulders and turned him to look at him. They were out of earshot of Sam and Ruby, and Dean gently placed his hand under Castiel's chin and lifted his face. "Hey," he said softly, frowning in concern. "Baby, look at me. Are you all right?"

Castiel obeyed and looked at Dean with soft eyes. "Yeah. Yeah I'm okay," he nodded. "I just..I wasn't expecting such a welcoming, you know?" He let out a light sigh. He'd been so used to rejection and violence, acceptance and love was a hard thing for Castiel to receive with open arms. He hugged Dean tightly, kissing him deeply. "Let's get out of here," he murmured, hopping on his motorcycle.

Dean glanced reluctantly back at Sam and Ruby, hoping they weren't too worried about Cas or disappointed that they were leaving, and he nodded, getting on the motorcycle behind Cas and holding on. "Cas, we really do love you. You know I love you, and Sam too, and even Ruby. She doesn't know you as well as we do but she really cares about you. They need to know you'll be okay." Dean glanced back at them, and saw that Ruby and Sam were standing close to each other and appeared to be in a deep conversation.

Castiel nodded, twisting his body to look back at Dean. "I know, kitten. I love you all too. I just..I can't handle much more today. Baby steps, right?" Castiel needed more time to let all this sink in. He needed to be more careful with how he handled things. He didn't want it all to pile up again and get too much and have another break down. "Maybe we can see them tomorrow and watch a movie or something?" he suggested with a shrug.

(How are we playing out the summer? Are we just going to do bits and then go straight back into school or are we playing it day by day?)

Dean nodded in agreement and kissed the corner of Castiel's mouth. He'd talk to Sam later and convince him that everything was okay and not to worry, but he knew that Sam wouldn't pry or ask questions. "That's a good idea," he told Cas, "I think it's gonna be rainy tomorrow so we can all just stay in and watch a movie with them, no pressure or anything, okay? Baby steps."

(Yeah maybe we should just do bits and pieces, because if we do every day of the summer it will take forever and there might be a lot of repetition because lots of the time there's boring summer days that are all the same, you know?)

Castiel smiled, so glad he had someone like Dean to help him through this. "Thanks, babe." He kissed Dean briefly before driving them home. He felt bad for leaving Ruby and Sam but he left them the food so he supposed that would make up for it a little. Once they were at Crowley's, Castiel padded upstairs and into the bathroom to examine his hair and imagine he was Ruby and Sam, seeing him like this for the first time. He hoped it wasn't that bad but remembering their faces he highly doubted that.

Dean wiped the sand off himself before heading into the house after Castiel, and he crept up the stairs and followed Cas into the bathroom, where he found him looking in the mirror and staring intently at himself. Dean wordlessly stood behind him, hovering in the doorway, and simply watched Castiel looking at himself. "You know," he said thoughtfully, taking a comb off the counter and splashing some water on Castiel's hair, "If we style it like this maybe it won't be as noticeable and you won't feel like you need to wear a hat all the time." He combed Castiel's hair down and parted it in the middle, which made it look completely ridiculous. He was trying to get Cas to smile. "It's really not that bad," he told him reassuringly, "It'll grow back."

Castiel chuckled as Dean messed up his hair, batting his hand away he turned to face his lover. "You're such a bad liar," he smiled, kissing him briefly. He ran a hand through his hair until it sat comfortably, not really caring what it looked like when he was just in the house with Dean. "Wanna get drunk and make out?" Castiel suggested as a way to get both his and Dean's mind off of everything that had happened.

(I know it's supposed to be the afternoon but I like writing Drunk Cas so deal with it :D)

Dean shrugged and grinned. "Sure, why not?" He replied easily, tossing the comb aside and dragging Castiel out of the bathroom. "I promised you later, didn't I?" He murmured in Castiel's ear suggestively, taking his hand and bringing him downstairs to raid the liquor cabinet.

(I love when they get drunk omg. If we're not careful they're gonna turn into alcoholics)

Castiel grinned, following Dean downstairs and slapping his ass as he reached over him and picked out a bottle wine. He didn't bother with glasses at first, taking a long chug before handing Dean the bottle and finding them some glasses before returning with two and pouring them a large glass each. "Why don't we take this upstairs?" he suggested. "I don't want Bobby to come home and find us off our asses. At least we're safe up there."

Dean took the bottle and then followed Castiel up the stairs to the bedroom, and he pulled down the window shades to make it darker in the room. He set the bottle down on the nightstand and flopped onto the bed, patting the space beside him invitingly and giving Castiel a sexual look. "C'mere, gorgeous," he murmured, licking his lips suggestively.

Castiel chuckled as he watched Dean on his bed, he managed to close the door and walk with shaky legs over to Dean. He sat beside him, their knees touching as his body twisted inwards towards Dean. He took a glass from him and sipped at its contents happily before pressing his wine laced lips to Dean's. "Just as long as you don't record me again you can do whatever you want with me," Castiel purred teasingly with a light chuckle.

Dean took one of the glasses from Cas and sipped at the wine, humming appreciatively as Castiel kissed him and he licked at the hint of dark wine he tasted there. "Mm, that sounds fun," he murmured, stroking a hand up Castiel's stomach and tugging at the hem of his shirt. "Naked, now." Dean ordered roughly, "I wanna see you."

Castiel gasped, almost spilling his wine as Dean practically growled at him. He put his glass on the night stand and shrugged out of his clothes quickly, toeing off his boxers and standing in front of Dean exposed and vulnerable. With Dean full dressed he felt strangely empowered yet submissive. He swayed forward and sunk down into Dean's lap, kissing him tenderly. "This what you want, honey?" he said breathlessly. They hadn't done anything since France, excluding the night Castiel turned and he wanted to set things right again. "What do you want?" he asked, nipping at Dean's bottom lip.

Dean backed away a little to give Castiel some more room to undress and he watched him, leaning back on one hand and finishing his glass of wine. He was already starting to feel pleasantly tingly and warm, and he didn't know if it was more because of the wine of because of Castiel's naked body suddenly on display right in front of him. Dean raked his eyes over Castiel's bare skin eagerly and then placed his hands on Castiel's waist as he settled in his lap and kissed him. He looked up at Cas. "I want you to feel good," he murmured, "I want you to do whatever you like with me." He kissed Cas passionately to show him he wasn't just doing this to submit and make Cas feel better, but that he really wanted this, too.

Castiel hummed against Dean's lip, tilting back to reach for his wine and finish it quickly. He placed the glass back down on the night stand and grinned at Dean. His legs spread so he straddled Dean, a leg on either side of him and leaned in close. "I want you to feel good too, love," he agreed, stroking Dean's cheek. He stroked his hand down Dean's side and kissed him deeply. "I want some more wine," he grinned, pouring them both a glass and handing one to Dean.

Dean clinked his glass against Castiel's and smirked, drinking the wine slowly. "Baby, I'm already feelin' good." He took another sip of wine and then slowly licked into Castiel's mouth, grinding his hips up against Castiel's in a deliciously slow rhythm, the friction perfect and slow. "Okay, since you're going to be all polite about this, how about you fuck me?" Dean suggested casually, smirking at Cas and keeping his tone conversational. "I think we both know how much you love that. And how much I love feeling you inside me."

Castiel almost choked on his wine as Dean spoke. He managed to finish the glass, giving himself some time to answer. He was okay with fooling around and exposing himself for Dean but actually being inside him again. He was hesitant. He didn't want to ruin things with sex again. He didn't want to hurt Dean like that. Castiel moved away, giving Dean a glorious view of his ass as he walked away. He put on his iPod and set it to shuffle, soft instrumental music filling the room. He walked over to Dean and straight past him to lay behind him on the bed, he tugged him down gently and began kissing him tenderly. His hand sprawled over Dean's heart as his eyelids fluttered closed.

Dean watched in confusion as Cas got up and walked away from him, but he was quickly distracted by Castiel's perfect ass, his body lithe and toned from all the dancing he does in his spare time. He came back and laid on the bed and Dean easily moved with him, the music playing romantically in the background. All they needed were some rose petals and candles. Dean kissed Castiel thoroughly, taking his time and making sure to do everything he knew Cas liked, teasing it out of him in the way that only came from experience with each other. Dean gasped slightly as Castiel's hand splayed over his chest, the touch intimate and meaningful.

Castiel moaned softly against Dean's lips, he knew just how to turn him on and Castiel in turn having learnt what Dean liked. He rolled them over so he hovered above Dean breathless and tipsy from the wine. He pressed his hand firm against Dean's bare chest, fingertips trailing down to work on his shorts. "You want me, baby?" he murmured teasingly. "Want your whore to fuck you senseless?" Castiel should have been more embarrassed about saying such things aloud but the combination of the wine and his growing confidence from being around Dean meant he didn't care.

Dean laughed breathlessly, staring up at Castiel with a dazed smile and wide eyes. "Yeah," he breathed, "Fuck, I want you. I wanna feel you pounding into me, those hips of yours..." He trailed off, his voice shaking a little with lust as he stared at Castiel's lips. "Kiss me," he pleaded, stretching his neck and pulling Cas down to meet him in a hot mess of tongues and lips, gasps and moans and hot, moist breath between them, and Dean rolled his hips up against Castiel's body. But suddenly, an idea came to him, something they hadn't really tried before, and he sat up, grinning excitedly at Cas. "Want a lap dance? A hot, naked body writhing in your lap? I've got a few ideas."

Castiel moaned at Dean's words, rutting his hips a little against Dean's. His eyes widened with lust and his mouth went dry. "Yes. Oh God, yes." He shifted away and managed to tug at Dean's clothes enough to get him naked. He sat on the edge of the bed, tugging Dean to sit in his lap. "Dance for me, love," he murmured, kissing Dean breathlessly, squeezing his ass before moving away with a wide grin.

Dean bit his lip seductively and looked at Castiel through his lashes, chin tilted down and eyes angled up to smolder at Castiel as he settled in his lap. He straddled Castiel's waist and grabbed his wrists, keeping Cas from touching him as Dean scooted up Castiel's lap and lined up Castiel's erection in the crack of his ass and began gyrating his hips slowly, moving in hard, big motions at first, and then speeding up to tiny circles, gasping against Castiel's neck as he rutted against his stomach. He slowed down again, barely moving and reduced his movements to just a slight twist of his hips, grinning and biting his lip again.

Castiel moaned loudly. That he wasn't expecting. It was so fucking hot. Dean's skin rubbing against his in a sweet if slightly sweaty mess. Their bodies pressing close against one another's the pressure almost too much. "Such a good dancer," Castiel breathed. He tried to touch Dean but he had him held down and that was such a turn on. He bit his lip and moved his hips to try and find more contact. "Don't stop, love. You're so beautiful," he moaned, tilting his head up to claim Dean's lips in a hot and breathless kiss.

Dean grinned at Cas and nipped at his lips as they kissed, gasping for air as he continued to move on top of Castiel, and then he lifted up a little bit, reaching around to prepare his opening with a wicked grin. He ground down hard against Cas, then backed off, light and teasing and barely touching, before randomly rubbing against him and licking his skin randomly. When Dean was loose enough, he moaned breathlessly. "Wanna ride you," he moaned, "It's gonna feel so good."

Castiel bit his lip to stop from moaning too loudly. Watching Dean work himself open was so fucking hot. He sucked at Dean's collarbone, his hands finally freed he wrapped an arm around the small of Dean's back to hold him in place whilst his other hand slipped to Dean's ass. Working a finger into him with Dean still inside himself. "Do it," he grinned, nipping at Dean's ear. "Ride me like the dirty whore you are."

Dean lined up against Castiel's cock and braced himself for balance on Castiel's shoulders, licking his lips in concentration as he carefully aligned and hen grinned dirtily at Cas, slowly sliding down on his cock and moaning in pleasure as he felt Castiel hot and hard inside him. "Does it feel good, baby? Want me to move?" He twisted his hips teasingly, grinding down against Cas. "Tell me what you want your slut to do."

Castiel groaned, breathing heavily as he felt Dean wrapped tight around his cock. The blissful heat almost too much. "Move," he ordered, wrapping his arms securely around Dean and shifting his hips up as much as he could to push into Dean. "Feel so good, love," he moaned, kissing Dean fiercely as his fingers dug in lightly at Dean's sides.

Dean pushed Castiel back down and moaned desperately into the kiss, pressing up against Castiel's chest. "Let me do the work," he breathed, "I'll take care of you." Dean sank down on Castiel, tilting his hips to take Cas as deep as he could, moaning at the feeling of Castiel inside him and then pulling back up before sinking down again, twisting his hips in a completely dirty motion as he ground down again.

Castiel groaned, watching Dean ride him was so fucking gorgeous. The look of pure bliss and concentration in his fiancé's face. The weight of Dean's cock rubbing against his stomach as he move causing him to swallow back a moan. He felt helpless, unable to do much but take it and it felt amazing. He held onto Dean tightly, sure to leave bruises but he didn't care. Streams of French profanities left his lips as Dean continued to ride him, each movement raw and dirty and causing him to cry out in pleasure. "Dean," he breathed, trying to push Dean away. "Table," he ordered.

Castiel's French swearing turned Dean on even more, and he bit his lip and tipped his head back. "Fuck," he hissed, "Your cock is amazing," Castiel's hands were pressing hard into his skin, so hard that it hurt but Dean liked it. Everything was perfect, Castiel's scent filling his nose, heady and strong and intoxicating. Dean grinned breathlessly, loving the reactions he could draw out of Castiel. He stilled in confusion when Castiel spoke and pushed him back. "Huh?" He asked stupidly.

Castiel laughed, wrapping his arms around Dean's tightly. With shaky legs he managed to lift them up and over to the table, he laid Dean down on the edge, still inside him. He grounded against him roughly, gaining control again. He was so frustrated not being able to do anything to make Dean feel good. He thrust into Dean deeply, lacing his hands with Dean's and holding them above his head as he kissed him deeply.

The fact that Castiel could lift him up and was just as strong as he was, if not more, was always going to be such a turn on for Dean. They were matched for strength, could challenge each other and be rough with each other, and Dean shivered in excitement. "Oh, God!" Dean cried out as Castiel fucked him hard and deep, every sensation so intense and perfect that Dean was quickly losing control. "Fuck, so sexy..." Dean was babbling nonsense, "Fuck me harder," he begged, submitting to Castiel willingly. His hands were pinned above his head, firm and gentle at the same time.

Castiel moaned, French spewing from his mouth as his lips brushed against Dean's neck. He slammed his hips into Dean, fucking him senseless against the table. His hands tightened against Dean's as he tensed and released himself deep inside of Dean, crying out in ecstasy, thrusting roughly inside of him once more before pulling out completely. He grinned wickedly, looking down at Dean's sweaty body, still spread deliciously for him. He lowered his mouth to Dean's thigh, sucking lightly as he flickered his tongue out to Dean's entrance, lapping up the cum experimentally. He wasn't sure what he was doing but he'd seen it in a few pornos and wanted to try these things with Dean. Find out what they liked and disliked sexually.

Dean clung tightly to Castiel's waist with his legs as he clenched around Castiel's cock, trying to push him deeper, and soon Castiel was coming inside of him, and Dean gasped in surprise at the strange wet feeling of semen inside of his body, and before he could react he reached his climax and came in powerful spasms, crying out Castiel's name and biting down on the skin at Castiel's collarbone harder than he meant to, and he murmured sweet nothings against the painful lovebite and kissed it better. But soon Cas was moving down his body, Dean's legs were still spread and and his body was still open and loose, and suddenly Castiel's tongue was teasing at his entrance, and Dean watched as Castiel licked up his own semen, right out of Dean's ass, and Dean giggled slightly. "Dude, you don't have to do that... I poop out of there, you know."

Castiel couldn't help but laugh. Dean always made these things sound weird. He crawled back up to kiss Dean's chest and tangle his fingers in Dean's hair. "Sorry, love. I thought you'd like it," he murmured, sucking lazily at Dean's neck before scooping his arms behind Dean to rest against his back instead of the harsh angle of the wood. He pressed his lips to Dean's jaw and nuzzled at his cheek as he tried to regain his breathing still coming down from the high of his orgasm.

"It wasn't bad," he murmured, pulling Castiel up to him and kissing him, tasting sweat and cum on his lips. "I just thought it would be kind of gross for you. But if you enjoyed it, then by all means, don't let me stop you." He grinned against Castiel's lips in amusement and pushed Cas a little so they could move to the bed and lie down comfortably in each other's arms.

Castiel let himself be moved, sliding down Dean's body once they were on the bed. He wanted to try rimming him again, pressing his lips to Dean's thigh as he spread his legs and circled his tongue around Dean's entrance experimentally, dipping his tongue inside just a little. It tasted odd but the thought of being inside Dean in a totally new way excited him a little. He used one of his fingers to push inside of Dean and experimented with new ways of pleasuring his fiancé.

Dean spread his legs, curious to see what Cas would do, and he gasped again in surprise as Castiel's tongue swirled around his entrance, the sensation completely new and unfamiliar but surprisingly nice. He laid back on the bed and sighed in pleasure, eyes fluttering closed and a lustful smile spreading across his face. "Jesus, you should be illegal," he muttered, feeling himself start to become aroused again.

Castiel chuckled, dipping his tongue further and swirling it around as he licked him out. He added another finger, scissoring inside of him as he tried to make Dean feel good. He was shamefully half hard again. Just from watching Dean like this, submissive and aroused. He used his free hand to hold onto Dean's leg to keep him spread open.

Dean writhed slightly, twisting on the sheets and gripping the material in one hand to stop himself from grabbing at Castiel's hair like he was so tempted to. This was a very odd but surprisingly hot thing, and Castiel's movements grew more and more confident the more Dean relaxed and got used to the feeling of Castiel's tongue inside of him. "Hey, that's actually -ah, fuck!" He gasped breathlessly as Castiel's fingers spread him open and loosened him up even more, and he shivered, his cock twitching in interest.

Castiel praised himself mentally for getting Dean to unwind this much, he continued to move his tongue and fingers inside of him, trying out different angles and seeing what worked and what didn't. He leg go of Dean's leg and snaked his hand down touch himself, moaning at the relief and removing his tongue to slide back up Dean's body, his fingers still pumping him as he pressed kisses to Dean's chest and stomach.

Dean laughed breathlessly as Cas moved back up to him, and he watched as Castiel trailed his lips up Dean's stomach and chest, and he trembled with desire beneath him, staring up at Cas with wide, trusting eyes and a small smile. He trailed his fingertips over Castiel's back, tracing over every line and arch of his muscles and dragging his nails over the warm, sweaty skin. "You're so gorgeous," he breathed, head thrown back in ecstasy.

Castiel chuckled, removing his fingers and placing his hands firmly around Dean's waist as he kissed him passionately. "You're not so bad yourself," he teased, nudging his nose against Dean's. He dragged his hips roughly against Dean's, groaning at the sensation. He started muttering in French again as he peppered Dean with kisses everywhere he could reach, worshipping his body.

Dean's eyes widened as Castiel began speaking in French again, and he put his hands on Castiel's sides, dragging his fingers over his ribs and rolling his hips up into Castiel's, rubbing their cocks together, and Castiel's lips pressed little kisses all over his body. "Talk dirty to me," Dean breathed, "In French. I wanna hear that sexy, smooth accent." Castiel's French speaking never failed to send Dean into fantasy land, and he'd always wondered what it would sound like when Cas talked dirty to him.

Castiel chuckled, half moaned as Dean rubbed against him. "Spread for me, whore," he growled in his lowest French accent. "You want me inside you again? You love it don't you? You little slut." He chuckled, claiming Dean's lips again roughly yet lovingly. His hands, moving to cup Dean's ass and press their hips together causing him to moan loudly.

"You kiss your mother with that mouth?" Dean retorted breathlessly, smirking at Cas and moaning at the French. "Fuck, you're hot," he muttered, "Fuck me hard, baby," He stroked a hand gently over Castiel's hair, the gesture sweet and soft despite his crude words. He giggled a little and then moaned as Castiel grabbed his ass, and Dean moved his mouth to Castiel's ear and sucked his earlobe into his mouth.

Castiel shivered at Dean's touch. His hair still ruined but Dean didn't care. He loved him no matter what. He kissed Dean deeply as he slowly entered him again, moaning and trembling with need. He'd never been so aroused and certainly never this quickly after orgasming a first time. He kissed Dean again, murmuring sweet nothings in French. "You okay, love?" he asked with a strained voice.

Dean gasped and tipped his head back, chest heaving and mouth agape as Castiel slid into him once more. "I love you," he managed, which wasn't what he meant to say to answer Castiel's question but it was the first thing that came to his mind, the most true thing he knew. He opened his eyes and grinned up at Castiel. "I love you." he repeated, staring deeply into his fiance's eyes as they were connected in the closest way possible.

Castiel could feel his heart pounding, frozen in time as he looked down at Dean. He smiled warmly against Dean's lips as he kissed his tenderly. "I love you too, tiger," he murmured meaningfully. He couldn't believe he'd almost lost this, lost his Dean. "Love you too," he breathed as he started moving again, but this time less needy and desperate. This time more loving and tender as he peppered Dean with kisses and thrust into him with long, slow thrusts.

Dean smiled blissfully as Castiel made love to him, sweet and tender and perfect. It still felt really amazing, but definitely lighter and not as intense and dirty as before. He writhed slowly under Cas, matching his thrusts with slow rolls of his hips and the angle was perfect. Soft little moans escaped Dean's lips and were lost in Castiel's mouth, his skin, anywhere Dean could reach. Dean was okay with this pace. Not everything had to be intense, hard and rough, and Dean didn't love this any less. He buried his face in Castiel's neck and inhaled deeply the strong scent of sweat and sex and that familiar scent that was simply Castiel.

Castiel gasped and moaned softly as he made love to Dean, holding him loosely. One hand wrapped around his side and the other laced with Dean's hand by the side of Dean's head on the bed. "Gorgeous, honey," Castiel breathed, kissing Dean's freckles. He felt himself close to the edge again as he dragged his hips slowly against Dean's. With one long thrust he came, kissing Dean deeply and swallowing his moans.

When Castiel came a moment later, pushing further into Dean and moaning into his mouth in a passionate kiss, Dean was right there with him only seconds later, coming to an orgasm that wasn't as intense as the last one but no less pleasant and amazing. When he caught his breath, he smiled up at Cas and stroked his uneven, sweaty hair back from his forehead. Their hands were still tangled together, and Dean pulled Castiel to lie on the bed beside him, their noses touching as Dean gazed into Castiel's eyes and sighed contentedly.

Castiel pulled out of Dean and he was soon pulled to lie beside him. His nose brushing against the other's. He was breathing heavily and staring at Dean with heavy eyelids, completely spent and exhausted. He wrapped an arm loosely around Dean and closed his eyes, sleep calling him. "Love you, Dean," he murmured, holding him close and tangling his other hand into Dean's hair to keep their faces close on the pillow, their breath mingling, warm and alcohol laced.

Dean gazed lovingly at Castiel, and then pressed gentle kisses to each closed eyelid, the tip of his nose, both cheeks, and then finally his lips. "I love you," he whispered, settling down and draping an arm over Castiel's body and stayed right close to him, loving the feeling of Castiel's warm breath ghosting over his face steadily as he drifted off into sleep. Dean fell asleep with a smile on his face, feeling warm and sedated and perfect.

Castiel awoke in the morning with a slight thump in his head. It wasn't too bad. They'd only had two glasses of wine but it was still there. A dull ache. He grinned idiotically when the night came flooding back to him. He looked over at Dean, his back was facing him so he wrapped an arm loosely around him and kissed the warm skin of his back tenderly, working up the back of his neck lazily and loving this way to wake up. Much better than yesterday, waking up in a hospital bed, scared and helpless.

Dean hummed softly when he felt a warm arm circle him and a tender kiss on his skin. He leaned back into it, stretching slightly, and entwined his fingers with Castiel's, holding them over his stomach. Despite the slight hangover, Dean felt happy and comfortable and a content, lazy smile spread across his face as Castiel's lips worked their way up to the back of his neck. "Mmm, morning," he mumbled sleepily, stroking Castiel's fingers lightly.

Castiel smiled lazily, kissing the skin behind Dean's ear. "Morning, love. D'you sleep well?" he murmured, kissing Dean's next slowly with warm, tender kisses. He brushed his fingertips over Dean's as he played with his hand. "You got any plans for today?" he asked, with no intention of letting go of Dean.

Dean wiggled back so his body was flush against Castiel's, soaking in his delicious warmth. He hadn't even opened his eyes yet. "Yeah, I did," he sighed happily, "And I've got nothing planned. Wanna have Sam and Ruby over and watch a movie or something? I'm pretty tired from last night." He turned around so he was on his back and looking over at Cas. "Second best night of my life," he said with a grin.

Castiel hummed, "That sounds good to me, love." He rested his head on Dean's chest as he moved and frowned a little. "What was the first?" he asked curiously, sounding a little hurt. He wanted last night to be amazing for Dean. Make him feel good. Show him Castiel was here to stay. Why hadn't it been the best?

Dean laughed at Castiel's hurt, jealous expression and stroked his hair gently. "Paris. The night we got engaged." He smiled softly as he remembered how he'd felt on that night, how much work Cas had put into making sure it was perfect, the romantic setting and the view of the city at night, personal and intimate and theirs.

Castiel blushed for not even classing that night as the best night ever. It felt more like a dream than anything. "You're so sweet, kitten," he murmured, leaning up to kiss Dean sweetly. He stroked his hair and rested his face against Dean's chest once more with a soft sigh. "For me, the best day was when you confessed the truth about the dare. You were so honest and vulnerable. You put everything on the line, our friendship, to put things right because you wanted to be my friend truthfully and right then I knew you were worth the trouble."

Dean sighed sadly as he remembered how much of an asshole he was for doing that to Cas, but he was glad he'd had the guts to tell the truth and not go through with the dare. "I didn't want to lose you to a stupid dare," Dean murmured, "I realized I kinda liked you and as much as that scared me I didn't want to push you away, either. I'm so glad you gave me a second chance." He kissed Castiel's forehead and stroked his hair gently, avoiding the sensitive parts of his scalp where the hair had been ripped out.

Castiel kissed Dean's bare skin and sighed. "I'm glad I did too." Castiel would hate to think how crummy his life would have continued to be without Dean his side. He'd have died with Jimmy and no one would have cared. He squeezed Dean slightly and gave him another tender kiss to his jaw. "I love you, Dean."

Dean leaned his face into Castiel's kiss happily, just glad to simply hold him like this, warm and safe in his arms. "I know you do," he whispered back against Castiel's hair, "I love you too. I'm so glad I have you." He stroked Castiel's back slowly, fingers trailing up and down his spine, and he smiled softly to himself.

Castiel hummed, leaning into Dean's touch and purring, eyes shut and skin radiating with warmth. "We should call Sammy. I feel bad leaving him yesterday," he mused sadly. He didn't want to hang around when Ruby took his hat off. It was too embarrassing. If he was going to tell them he'd rather do it in his own time, not have it ripped out in the open like that.

Dean snuggled into Castiel happily and nodded in agreement. "I'll call him right now, he's probably been worried." He grabbed his cell phone from the table and set it on the mattress between them, dialing Sam's number and putting it on speakerphone. Sam answered after a few rings. "Hey, Sammy, you're on speakerphone, I'm with Cas." Dean told him immediately, and Sam greeted them kindly. "Hey, guys. Cas, how are you doing?" He asked gently.

Castiel looked down at the phone and smiled. Sam was great. Always so caring and honest. "I'm doing great, Sammy," he smiled softly, relaxing into the cushions. "Sorry about yesterday..it's..it's complicated," he sighed and settled for saying. He didn't want to have to burden Sam with this too he was young and didn't need this .

Dean smiled at Cas and then looked back down at the phone. "It's okay, Cas. Don't worry about it, just take care of yourself, buddy." Dean felt a surge of pride and love for his brother and he kissed Cas on the nose and pulled him closer. "So," Dean said to his brother, "We want to make up for ditching you guys yesterday. Wanna hang out and watch a movie, maybe order a pizza or something?" Sam responded almost immediately, "Sure, that sounds great, can I bring Ruby or should it just be the three of us?" Dean looked questioningly at Cas, wondering if he'd be comfortable with having Ruby over after yesterday's events.

Castiel bit his lip. He knew it wasn't Ruby's fault but after yesterday he just couldn't see her that soon after. It just felt weird. He just wanted a quiet night in with his brothers. "If it's okay. I just want to spend time with my brother," he replied quietly, reaching out for Dean's hand and squeezing it lightly.

Dean smiled emotionally and squeezed Castiel's hand back reassuringly. Sam took a deep breath and even on the phone his voice sounded a little shaky. "Yeah, that's fine, Cas," he replied, sounding as if he was becoming emotional but trying not to show it. "I'd like to spend some time with my brothers, too. Just us three." Dean swallowed and murmured, "Thanks, Sammy,"

Castiel hummed gratefully, so glad Sam understood how much he needed this. "Okay, we'll see you soon Sammy," Castiel grinned, so happy today was going to be a good day. He squeezed Dean hand before sitting up to go into the bathroom to take a quick shower.

Dean smiled at Cas. "See you, Cas," Sam said on the phone, and Dean waited until Cas left the room and the shower started up. "Is he really okay?" Sam asked quietly, and Dean thought for a moment, not sure how much he should tell Sam. "I think so," He said eventually, "For now, he's gonna be fine. But he's got some problems he needs to work through, but I think that was just his low point. He's gonna be all right."

Castiel was in the shower, washing off the evidence from last night and singing quietly to himself with content. He sang _Blow me one last kiss _by P!nk as he washed himself down, lathering his hair with shampoo before washing it out. He sighed with content and was so glad to have the Winchester's as his soon to be family, excluding John of course. He walked back out with a towel wrapped round his hips and leaned against the bedroom door seductively. "Hey there, hot stuff," he murmured to Dean with a cheeky wink.

Dean hung up the phone after making plans to have Sam come over. A few minutes later Cas walked back into the bedroom in a towel, water dripping off his lean, toned body and his skin glowing from the hot shower. Dean looked him up and down appreciatively, striking an equally seductive pose on the bed. "Hey yourself," he shot back, biting his lip and smoldering at Cas.

Castiel giggled, swaying his hips as he walked over to Dean only to walk over to his wardrobe and pick out some clothes. He quickly changed into a pair of boxers, a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. Equally comfy socks and gave a content smile. He put up the hood of the hoodie with the intention of hiding his hair. More for the purposes of himself as well as Sam.

Dean grinned and stood up to go take a shower himself. "Sam's coming over in a few hours," He said through a yawn, stretching and giving Castiel a clear view of his body as he did so. He smirked and walked into the bathroom naked and didn't bother to close the door. He took a quick shower, relieved to be clean after last nights activities. He was kind of sore, which was only to be expected after what they'd done. When he was done showering he walked back into the room drying his hair and started going through Castiel's clothes to find something comfy to wear.

Castiel looked through Crowley and Bobby's movie collection downstairs, looking for something for them to watch. He heard Dean padding around upstairs but didn't bother moving. He sighed happily as he found West Side Story. He shook his head. There'd be time for that another day. He picked up a few comedies and brought them into the main room for them to watch then went into the kitchen to look for some snacks and some lunch for him and Dean.

Dean headed downstairs silently and followed the sound of Castiel moving around in the kitchen. He snuck up behind him undetected, biting his lip to keep from laughing, and then tackled Castiel in a surprise hug attack from behind, holding him tight and laughing into his shoulder. Dean was wearing a pair of Castiel's sweatpants and a hoodie and a pair of slippers he'd found under the bed, and it had started raining outside.

Castiel gasped, dropping the peanut butter covered knife with a start. "Dean," he complained, half-heartedly. "You scared the hell out of me" He pouted and crossed his arms to place his hands over Dean's. He looked out the window, seeing the rain pour and sighed contently. They were finally going to have their lazy afternoon after all.

Dean kissed Castiel on the cheek and patted his ass before walking over to stand beside him at the counter and help him prepare the food. He stole a potato chip from the bag and then found a bowl to pour them into, and he located the chocolate chips from when they'd made pancakes and stole a handful before hiding them again. "That was kinda the point, dumbass."

Castiel rolled his eyes, coming up to Dean and kissing him hard in retaliation, pressing him against the kitchen counter. He heard someone clear their throat behind him and he blushed, moving away from Dean to see Crowley standing on the other side of the island. "Glad to see you're doing better," he commented dryly. Castiel blushed, and dipped his head, thankful his hoodie was still hiding his hair. Crowley gave Dean an amused look, seeing the boy in Castiel's clothes. He should know, he paid for them. After the fire Castiel had next to nothing. "I just came back for the project proposal for this quarter," Crowley said before Castiel could ask why he was back so early. Castiel nodded and picked up the green file placed on the kitchen table and handed it to the man. "Ta very much. I'll see you boys later. Don't mess up my kitchen or I'll have your heads," he warned before taking leave again.

Dean made a startled, appreciative noise as Castiel pushed against him and pinned him against the counter, kissing him hard, but he blushed when he realized Crowley was there and wiped his mouth sheepishly, smirking down at his feet. When Crowley left and Dean was sure they were alone, he grinned at Castiel. "What were you saying?" He asked innocently, leaning back against the counter again.

Castiel scowled, narrowing his eyes at Dean before pinning him back in place. "You pay for this," he purred warning, nipping at Dean's lower lip. He pulled away and went back to making food for them all and placing all the snacks on the coffee table in the main room.

Dean shivered slightly and smirked at Castiel, amused and slightly turned on by the controlling nature of Castiel's words. He laughed quietly and helped Castiel carry the stuff to the coffee table and browsed through the movies Cas had picked out.

Castiel was sat on the couch, feet stretched out and looking over at Dean with a soft shrug. "I wasn't sure what to get. They don't really have much besides old war movies so these were the only ones I could find." Castiel stole a chip from the bowl and chomped on it loudly.

Dean shrugged and joined him on the couch, cuddling up to Cas and resting his head on his chest. "I'm sure anything will be fine. Sam should be here in about half an hour. Wanna make out?" He asked casually, looking up at Cas and pushing the hood off his head slowly.

Castiel played with Dean's hair absently and chuckled. "Now what do you think?" he chuckled, pulling Dean up with an arm around his waist and kissed him passionately. His fingers tangling in the other's hair as he devoured his mouth, claiming it as his own.

Dean smiled into the kiss and met Castiel's rhythm, humming softly in approval as Castiel's tongue invaded his mouth and they kissed passionately. Dean would never get tired of kissing Castiel, every time they touched it made Dean pleasantly tingly and that hadn't changed from the first time they'd kissed.

Castiel slipped his fingertips under Dean's hoodie, to feel the warm skin underneath. It wasn't anything heated, or leading to anything else like yesterday. He was content to just make out and be with Dean. It wasn't until he heard the door knock did he realize how long they'd been sat there. He put his hood back up as he went to answer the door.

Dean cupped the back of Castiel's neck as they continued to steadily make out, exploring each other's mouths and just being together contentedly. He smiled shyly up at Cas and wiped his mouth as Cas got up to go answer the door. He walked in a moment later with Sam, and Dean grinned at his brother. "Hey little bro, what's up?" He drawled, and Sam rolled his eyes and came over to the couch. "Hey," he greeted, flopping down on the couch beside Dean.

Castiel sat down in the corner of the couch, half in Dean's lap as he curled up by his side and smiled shyly over at Sam. He placed a hand subtly over his hoodie to check it was on before drawing attention to himself. "Hey, buddy," he grinned timidly when he saw the necklace still around Sam's neck.

Dean wrapped his arm around Cas and pretended to shiver slightly, pulling up his own hood so Cas wouldn't feel weird. It was kind of pointless because they all knew what Cas was trying to hide, but Dean did it anyway. Sam was acting completely normal, though, talking easily as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. "Ruby and I stayed at the beach for a few hours yesterday," he told them with a grin, "And she wanted to tan and she was laying down on her front, and she went to sleep so I took some sunblock and drew a heart and wrote my name with it, so now her back's all tan except for that and she's really mad. Except not really." Dean chuckled and shook his head in amusement. "That's no way to treat your girlfriend, Sammy. I thought I taught you better than that."

Castiel laughed with amusement, kissing Dean's cheek when he noticed he'd pulled his hood up too. "I think it's sweet," he countered, sticking on Sam's side for this one. It was like a tattoo, only painless and temporary. Castiel thought for a moment. Would he get a tattoo? He hummed in thought, contemplating whether or not it would be a good idea. "Honey, what do you think of tattoos?" he asked Dean.

Sam grinned and held out a hand for Cas to hi-five. "Tattoos?" Dean asked thoughtfully, playing with Castiel's fingers. "I think they're sexy. Why do you ask?" He smiled, leaning in to kiss the corner of Castiel's mouth. Dean had never really thought of getting a tattoo, but the idea was interesting.

Castiel hi-fived Sam, grinning. His attention was shortly brought back to Dean when he kissed him. "I don't know. Just thought it'd be cool to have one," he mused. "I think if I did, I'd have wings. If I was going to go for it I wouldn't hold back. I'd have full blown wings across my back and arms."

Dean nodded thoughtfully as he considered that. "I think that would be really cool," he murmured, imagining Cas with a full back wing tattoo, and onto the back of his arms. It sounded beautiful, and incredibly sexy, but also it was really meaningful, symbolic of Castiel's rise above his livelong struggles.

Castiel hummed, kissing Dean's cheek. Grateful he understood Castiel enough not to ask further questions. He looked over at Sam with a soft smile, reaching out for his hand and squeezing it gently, just glad he was here and connected to two people he loved most in this world. That hadn't left him, or bullied him or made him feel like crap. They were here for him and they loved him and Castiel couldn't think of anything more beautiful than that.

Sam smiled softly back at Cas, and Dean sat between them happily until it started to get slightly awkward. "Okay, we're already watching a chick flick today, I don't need to see two." Sam blushed slightly and huffed a laugh, squeezing Castiel's hand gently before letting go and settling back on the couch. "What, are we really watching a chick flick?" Sam asked in amusement, and Dean shrugged. "I don't know, I'm cool with anything. Who wants to pick the movie?"

Castiel laughed softly, slipping his hand out of Sam's to hold over Dean's cheek and kiss him softly. "Don't listen to him, Sammy. He's just jealous he's not getting all the attention." Castiel pinched Dean's cheek lightly before moving away to find a movie for them to watch. He found 'Moulin Rouge' and smirked. "Never would have pegged Mr Singer as a musical man." He put on the movie and snuggled back up next to Dean.

Dean rolled his eyes and batted Castiel's hand away, but happily settled back down when Castiel came back and snuggled up against him. The room was dim and the sound of the rain was soothing outside, and Dean felt happy and cozy here with his brother and his fiance. Sam shifted around on the couch and settled for curling up in the corner, and Dean was in the middle with Cas on his other side. He wrapped an arm around Cas and grinned at Sam, who smiled back at him knowingly.

Castiel closed his eyes when the movie began. He dipped his head down so Dean couldn't see his face under the hood. He sighed contently, just listening to the rain and the movie and the soft exhale and inhale of Dean's breath. This was nice. He could do this. Get back to normal. All he needed to do to keep Dean in his life was attend a few therapy sessions. He could do that, right? He held Dean tighter, burying his face in his chest.

Dean watched the movie, feeling pleasantly warm and sleepy, and glanced down at Cas in confusion as he buried his face in his chest and held onto him tighter. He kissed Castiel's head through the hood of his sweatshirt and wrapped his arm around Castiel's shoulders, keeping him close and safe. He rested his cheek on the top of Castiel's head and gazed absently at the TV, wondering what he was thinking about but not wanting to ask and ruin the mood. Sam seemed enthralled with the movie, much to Dean's amusement, and he was eating potato chips like it was going out of style.

Castiel mewed against Dean's chest. The sound muffled and lost. Castiel had fallen asleep. Half way through the movie and was dreaming in his sleep. Jimmy came to him, again. His face identical, yet distorted some how. Castiel could always see himself in Jimmy but not anymore. He seemed different. Like he was a different person. No longer connect by brotherly status. He cupped Castiel's cheek, drying the tears that Castiel hadn't realized where there. He sniffed, leaning into the touch. He wished his brother could touch him like this when he was alive. They'd never hugged. Never done what he was able to do so easily with Sam. He spoke to him in French. "I miss you" Castiel said, both aloud and in his dream. Jimmy smiled nodding in agreement. "Dean will keep you safe," he assured before the light dimmed and Castiel found himself awake once more, crying silently in Dean's arms.

The rest of the movie played, and Dean was deep in thought through most of it. He was slightly startled when Castiel spoke, something he didn't quite catch, and he looked down and saw that Castiel had fallen asleep, and he kissed his head again and gazed back at the screen. A moment later, though, Castiel moved a little and Dean knew he was awake, and he could feel him trembling and didn't have to see Castiel's face to know that he was crying. He rubbed Castiel's arm soothingly. "I've got you, baby," Dean whispered to him gently. Out of the corner of his eye, Dean could see Sam watching them, his face concerned yet uncertain. He didn't know whether he should give them some privacy or if he should stay.

Castiel could see Sam from the angle he was sitting and reached out his hand for him. "I-It's okay," he assured him, seeing the looking in the younger brother's eyes. He wiped his tears with his free hand and sat up a little to see Dean's face. "It's just Jimmy," he murmured, sniffing a little. He hadn't felt this good after a dream in months. He didn't dream anymore. Only nightmares but this was different. This was a sign. "It's just Jimmy," he repeated with a relieved sigh, looking between the two brothers with a ghost of a smile.

Dean frowned slightly, concerned that Cas had had a nightmare, but was even more confused when he saw a faint smile on Castiel's lips, although his eyes were haunted and distant. Sam relaxed back into the couch, still watching Castiel closely. He didn't really get it, but Cas didn't actually look scared or upset, just kind of nostalgic. Dean smiled at him softly and wiped a stray tear away with his thumb. His own eyes stung a little at the mention of Jimmy and the look on Castiel's face. "What did he say to you?" He asked quietly.

Castiel let go of Sam hand when the other leaned back and sighed in relief. Castiel rested both his hands over Dean's against his own cheek when the other wiped away a tear. He let out a small, relieved laugh. More of a choke for air than anything. "Dean will keep you safe," he repeated happily, gazing at Dean with big trusting eyes.

Dean's heart stopped at those words and he stared back at Castiel with wide eyes filled with tears, jaw dropping slightly. The emotions on Castiel's face were overwhelming, and Dean smiled softly at Castiel and pulled him close, resting their foreheads together. "I always will," he whispered, "Until the day I die."

Castiel closed his eyes, pressing his hand flat against Dean's cheek and holding it there in case Dean's tears threatened to fall. He'd be there to clean them up. "Oh, Dean," he breathed, so overwhelmed that a man like Dean was even in his presence let alone the man willing to spend the rest of his life with him. "I love you, so much," he whispered, nudging his nose against Dean's and keeping their foreheads together. Ironically, similar declarations were being made on the screen just behind them. It's funny how things work out like that, isn't it?

Dean took a shaky breath and held Castiel, sniffing slightly. He didn't even care that Sam was sitting right next to them, He knew his brother would never tease them or ridicule them for this. Dean closed his eyes and kissed Castiel softly, pushing back the hood just slightly and running his fingers lightly through Castiel's hair. "I love you too," he whispered back, brushing his nose against Castiel's before pulling back a little.

Castiel gasped as Dean ran his hand into his hair but eased into the light kiss. He looked over at Sam who looked a mixture of awkwardness and concern over the couple. Castiel blushed and dipped his head, pushing his hood back up properly. "Sorry, Sammy," he whispered. If he was in Sam's position he'd feel pretty left out and awkward too and he'd hate that. "It's just..it's been a while since I've had a dream," he explained, trusting Sam enough to tell him these things.

Sam shook his head and smiled at Cas reassuringly. "It's fine," he said, "I'm just glad you're okay." Dean smiled gratefully at his brother and wiped his tears away quickly on his sleeve before turning back to Cas and giving him a softer smile. "Yeah," he murmured, "Me too."

Castiel smiled a bit at that. He was surrounded by people who loved him. He'd never experienced that before. It felt nice. He reached out and squeezed Sam's hand before letting go and leaning against Dean's chest again. "I'm sorry if I scared you guys," he apologized again. "I'm okay," he assured, wrapping an arm around Dean as he found himself falling back to sleep.

Dean smiled down at Cas as he fell asleep again, completely trusting and open with both of them in the room and Dean shifted a little so Cas would be more comfortable. Moulin Rouge ended and Sam got up to put in another DVD. When he came to sit down again he looked at Castiel and grinned. "Aw, look at the little angel," he said quietly, and Dean huffed a laugh and kissed Castiel's forehead. "Only I get to call him that," he retorted.

Castiel hummed when Dean kissed him and smiled lazily in his sleep. He held onto him tighter as he dreamt of Jimmy again. He couldn't understand why but something didn't sit right. He knew Jimmy was trying to tell him something but couldn't figure out what. The thing with Dean had been nice but it wasn't that. Couldn't have been. Jimmy wouldn't appear unless it was to tell him something he'd forgotten or didn't know about. He knew Dean would keep him safe. So what? Jimmy wouldn't stop spinning and it was making him feel dizzy. He looked down to see Jimmy dancing on a small wooden box. He frowned in confusion, his mind filling with incoherent and surreal thoughts. It was too much. The sound of twinkle twinkle little star played distorted in the background, merging with the sound of Jimmy's wheezing breath as he fell to the ground, flames surrounding him as the wooden box caught ablaze. Castiel tried to save him but the smoke was too thick, blackening out his vision as he once again resurfaced to reality, looking around him slowly to see the boys watching Die Hard 2 on the couch. He rubbed at his eyes and padded out of the room and up the stairs, praying his dreams weren't true.

Dean and Sam were also getting tired, and Sam began to doze off on the comfortable couch. Suddenly Cas stood up, which scared the crap out of Dean because he'd thought Cas had been sleeping, but then Cas wordlessly walked out of the room and headed upstairs, eerily calm. Sam and Dean exchanged a look of confusion, and Dean bit his lip and stood up to go follow Cas. "I'll be right back," he muttered to Sam, and Sam turned on the couch and watched Dean leave the room, frowning in concern.

Castiel spent a long moment frantically pulling clothes from his wardrobe, searching for the small momentum, the one last hope connecting him to Jimmy. He found what he was looking for. A small box that contained what the firemen had been able to save from the fire. "Come on, come on," he breathed anxiously, searching through the random assortment of goods. He soon found a slightly singed box and let out a shaky exhale, cradling the small wooden box in his hands.

Dean approached the room and found Cas digging through a box of items until he pulled out the little music box Jimmy had given to him and held it carefully in his hands. Dean cleared his throat quietly, leaning against the door frame, and put his hands in his pockets. "Everything okay?" He asked quietly in concern.

Castiel almost jumped when Dean spoke, wrapping his arms protectively around the box and tilted his body away from Dean. He slowly relaxed when he realized who it was and nodded. "Sorry. I had another dream. I thought...I thought I'd lost it," he explained quietly. "I just needed to check. This is very important to me. To us."

Dean walked over and kneeled on the floor in front of Cas, He looked at the small wooden box cradled safely in Castiel's hands, noticing that it was burned on the edges but not too badly damaged. He glanced up at Castiel's face. "I know," he murmured thoughtfully, "It's pretty amazing that it survived the fire, don't you think?"

Castiel nodded, looking up at Dean in awe. "It's for Jimmy and Hope," he explained. "I want them to have it, honey. Keep it in the family and show them they can accomplish anything" He smiled happily, holding the box out to Dean and smiling softly.

Dean scooted closer to Cas and smiled softly as he took the box from Castiel and carefully turned it over in his hands, sad that it had been burned but amazed that it hadn't been destroyed. He opened it up and watched the little dancer twirling as music played. "It's a tough little guy," he said thoughtfully, "Been through a lot, a little damaged, but still working." Kind of like Cas.

Castiel smiled, holding his hands over Dean's against the box. "It's gonna be our family heirloom. What do you think?" he asked quietly, pressing his knees to his chest as he worried Dean didn't understand how important this box was to him. He'd never fully explained what it meant to him.

Dean smiled up at Cas in agreement. "I think that's a great idea," he said quietly, lacing his fingers with Castiel's as they watched the small figure spin. "When we have kids and they're old enough to understand, we'll give it to them and tell them our story."

Castiel swallowed thickly, "To an extent. I don't want them to know everything." He watched the little figure with Dean and smiled, leaning over to capture his lips in a sweet kiss. "They can know enough for them to understand they're not alone. We've been through it all." He smiled happily at the thought of having a meaningful conversation with their children.

Dean smiled slightly and leaned against Castiel's shoulder after they kissed. "We're getting ahead of ourselves, baby," he said teasingly, "We're not even married yet." He kissed Castiel's cheek softly and stroked the scar with a gentle fingertip.

Castiel blushed, "I know, honey. It's just something nice to focus on. I'm not suggesting we go into something we're not ready for." He shivered at the touch and closed his eyes. "You take my breath away," he murmured, clutching the box tighter as he curled up next to Dean on the floor.

Dean smiled warmly at Cas and he kissed the scar lightly. Everything it stood for, all the memories it held, and it only served to make Castiel more beautiful in Dean's eyes. More beautiful because no matter how many times he'd been beaten down, been told he wasn't good enough, he'd pushed through it and he was here. Here, with Dean, in his arms where he belonged, and everything was going to be okay.

Castiel hummed, leaning into Dean and sighing, loosening his grip on the box and placing it on the floor in front of them, listening to the sweet music play. "Honey, is Sammy still here?" he asked quietly, pressing his nose to Dean's chest.

"Yeah, he's downstairs waiting for us." Dean kissed the tip of Castiel's nose, then his eyelids and cheeks, and finally his lips. "Are you ready to go back down or do you need another minute?" Dean felt kind of bad for leaving Sam down there alone but he knew his little brother would understand. It wasn't like they came upstairs to makeout.

Castiel shook his head. "I'll be okay, honey," he murmured. "Let's go back downstairs." He managed to get to his feet and held the box in his arms, closing the lid and placing it back in the cardboard box and putting it back in the wardrobe before changing his mind and taking it back out and tucking it under his arm before padding back downstairs

Dean went back downstairs with Cas to find Sam sitting in the same position on the couch. He looked up at them when they reentered the room, smiling slightly at them and giving Dean a questioning look when Cas wasn't looking. Dean nodded slightly back at him and winked subtly, and Sam relaxed and turned to Cas, curiously eying the box he was holding, but he wasn't sure if he should ask what it was or not.

Castiel sat on the couch next to Sam and held the box out happily, opening it to reveal the small figure dancing. "This is something my dad broke when I told him I wanted to be a dancer, just like her. He said it was something boys couldn't do. Jimmy fixed it up when he was in the hospital. He..he kept it for so long. I wasn't allowed to open it until after he died." Castiel wasn't sure why he was telling Sam this but he felt he was family and he should understand him a little better. Castiel's life was complicated and it was hard to know where to start in explaining it. Hopefully this was a step in the right direction. "Don't give up your dreams, Sammy. No matter what anyone tells you."

Sam leaned forward and watched the little dancer, listening closely to Castiel's story. "That's beautiful," he breathed, looking up at Cas with wide eyes and a soft smile. He didn't know the entire story of Jimmy, but he knew from Dean that Jimmy was Castiel's twin brother and he'd committed suicide, but that was all he knew about him. "I wish you could've met him, Sammy," Dean said quietly from where he was leaning against the arm of the couch, and Sam nodded sadly. "Me too."

Castiel smiled, closing the box and putting it on the coffee table in front of them. He smiled, "You would have like him." He sighed, pulling Dean over so he had both boys by his side. "I love you both. Jimmy too. You're all my brothers and I wouldn't have it any other way."

Dean smiled into Castiel's shoulder and wrapped an arm around his waist, grinning wider when Sam's arms circled around both of them and he rested his head on Castiel's shoulder. "Love you too," Sam mumbled, and Dean peered curiously at his brother and was surprised to see that Sam looked close to tears.

Castiel gave a soft sigh, holding them both. He stroked Sam's hair absently when he saw the boy close to tears. He looked over at Dean with soft features and mouthed. "I love you." They stayed like this for a while, Castiel falling asleep between the two at one point.

Dean smiled back at Castiel and mouthed back "I love you too." and the three of them relaxed against the couch in each other's arms. After a while, deep in thought, with the movie still playing in the background, Dean realized Cas had fallen asleep yet again, and when the movie ended Sam looked down at Cas and smiled. "He sure sleeps a lot," he commented, and Dean snorted softly. "Yeah. Well, I'm gonna try to carry him upstairs." Sam stood up and stretched. "Okay," he yawned, "I think I'm gonna head home." Dean frowned in confusion. "How'd you get here?" Sam shrugged. "A friend drove me. I'll call Ruby and ask her to pick me up, I think she wanted to go get dinner somewhere."

"I'm still on the mends, buddy. I need to sleep," Castiel murmured, awaking just in time to hear Sam comment on his odd sleeping pattens. He looked over at Dean and ran a hand through his hair and smiled sweetly. "Thanks for coming, Sammy. I'm glad you came over," he smiled lazily.

Sam grinned down at Cas and patted him twice on the shoulder. "I'm glad we got to hang out," he replied, "Take care of yourself, man. See you guys later," Sam waved at them and headed for the door, taking his cell phone out of his pocket and going outside to call Ruby. Dean turned to Cas once they were alone in the house, and kissed his cheek. "Seriously, though. Three naps in one day? Come on Cas, you're turning into a cat."

Castiel said goodbye to Sam and leaned into Dean once they were alone again. He chuckled, imitating a cat and purring as he rubbed his nose against Dean's cheek. "I guess Amber's got competition," he smirked.

Dean rose his eyebrows in mock confusion. "Competition? Dude, you've got nothing on Amber." He pet Castiel's head as if he were a cat and then rubbed his cheek, then his neck and then his belly, moving over so he had more leverage as he grinned down at Cas and tickled him into the couch. "Who's a good kitty?" He crooned playfully.

Castiel giggled, half-heartedly batting Dean's hands away. "D-Dean st-ah-p it," he laughed, his cheeks turning red from the lack of oxygen. He tipped his head back, flailing a little as he twisted his body to stop Dean from tickling him.

Dean giggled and collapsed on top of Cas, laughing breathlessly. Castiel's head was tipped back, exposing his neck, and Dean kissed it, right over his windpipe where he could feel Castiel swallow. He kissed his way up Castiel's neck and jaw until he reached his lips and kissed him tenderly there.

Castiel laughed against Dean's lips, holding him close and sighing as he pecked at the other's plump lips. "Hey there, gorgeous," he smiled, nudging his nose against Dean's. "You fancy some dinner? We could go out..like on a date or something..if you wanted?" he suggested casually.

Dean shrugged. "If you're up for it," he said, pushing back at Castiel's nose with his own. "I think that'd be fun, but I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with." He kissed Castiel softly and waited for his answer. "I'm fine with anything you'd like to do, baby."

Castiel hummed in thought. "Maybe we could just get take-out tonight," he said. When he really thought about it the idea only sounded appealing. Actually going through with it was a completely different matter. "We could go out this weekend or something?"

Dean stretched and grinned. "Okay, sounds good. I'm actually feeling pretty lazy and I don't wanna put pants on, so..." He kissed Castiel slowly and then wrapped an arm around his waist. "Wanna order pizza? I'm kind of craving pizza and coke right now."

"Sounds great, honey," Castiel smiled, stretching his arm behind him to reach for the phone and hand it over to Dean. "Should we get a meat feast?" he asked before squeezing Dean's lips between his fingers. "And don't you dare make a dirty joke about that because I will punish you," he warned light-heartedly, standing up to go to the bathroom.

Dean's jaw dropped in amused disbelief. "What? Cas, you make it too easy." He watched Cas leave to go to the bathroom. "Was that an invitation?" He called after him, not moving from his spot on the couch, "I'm too comfy, can't we do the meat feast in here?" He grinned proudly at his own lame joke and stretched out on the couch, filling the space Castiel had left and waiting for him to come back.

"The humour of today's society," Crowley mused, announcing himself in the doorway as he walked into the room. "It really makes you sick, doesn't it? No class anymore." He dropped his case files down on the table with a slight thud and gave Dean a smile before his eye caught the small wooden box on the table. "If you boys could put Bobby's DVDs back before he comes home, that's be grand. The poor dear gets embarrassed about the Moulin Rouge fiasco," he smirked, walking across the room and into the kitchen to find some food.

Dean jumped and fell off the couch when Crowley appeared out of nowhere and commented smoothly on Dean's joke. He blushed and rubbed his elbow with a scowl as he stood up, looking awkwardly at Crowley and picking up the DVDs. Dean's heart was pounding in surprise, Crowley had really startled him. He put the DVDs back where they belonged and tried to imagine Bobby watching Moulin Rouge, but he couldn't picture it. Shaking his head in bemusement, he sat down on the couch and waited for Cas to come back.

Castiel soon came back from the bathroom and practically skipped back up to Dean. He kissed him passionately, smirking, "You'll pay for that joke, mister," he teased, oblivious to the fact that Crowley was back and was making a mug of tea in the kitchen. "But later. Shall we order?"

Dean blushed and grabbed the collar of Castiel's hoodie, pulling him close to whisper in his ear, "Keep it PG, man. Crowley just got home." He released Cas and smiled at him knowingly before grabbing the hoodie strings and tightening the hood around Castiel's face so that only his nose showed through and then he smirked and picked up the phone to call the pizza place.

Castiel bit his lip, not realizing and feeling a little foolish. He grunted in surprise when his hood suddenly tightened around him and he blinked a few times to adjust to the lack of light before undoing Dean's childish work. "You're a jerk," he muttered with a slight pout.

Dean stepped forward and kissed the pout off Castiel's lips. The pizza place picked up the phone and Dean smoothly ordered the pizza, the meat feast pizza, while somehow managing to keep a completely straight face, and he trailed his hand down Castiel's chest as he did so, lovingly teasing.

Castiel batted Dean's hand away, pretending to be upset and sat on the couch with a huff. He cross his arms and pouted at Dean, making silly faces as he order their food on the phone. Crowley had made himself a sandwich and retired to his study and left the boys to it.

Dean stuck his tongue out at Cas before telling the delivery man the address of Crowley's house, and then he hung up and set the phone down before diving onto the couch and landing half on top of Castiel. "One meat feast pizza, coming right up!" He exclaimed trying to lick Castiel's face.

Castiel held his hand out to Dean, stopping him from coming anywhere near him. "No," he said firmly. "You made a dumb joke now you have to pay the price." He shuffled away, wondering how long he could keep this up before he began to get annoyed himself.

Dean sat back and pouted. "Aw, come on. Don't be like that, baby!" Dean stuck his lip out a little further and widened his eyes innocently. "You totally asked for it," he argued playfully, "And I thought my punishment would be a little more... enjoyable, if you know what I mean."

Castiel shook his head. "Nope. I told you, you'd pay and not in a sexy way." He stood from the couch to move away from Dean and chuckled, seeing him play innocent was adorable. How could he resist. He managed just about though. Keep his distance and making Dean beg.

Dean reached for Castiel without actually standing up, but Cas was soon out of his reach and Dean fell to the floor in a sad heap before dragging himself across the carpet and collapsing at Castiel's feet. "Please," he begged dramatically, "Don't deprive me of your masculine charms and your fantastic moves. I take it back, please don't do this to me, I don't deserve this!" He grabbed Castiel's legs and held on tightly, suddenly feeling very giddy.

Castiel watched as Dean made an idiot out of himself and couldn't help but snort out a laugh. He ran a hand through Dean's hair as he clung to his legs, and he struggled to stay standing from the angle Dean was holding him. He tumbled to the floor in a fit of giggles, wriggling out of Dean's hold. "You're not funny," he protested, laughing as he said so.

Dean grinned and moved up Castiel's body to hug him and wrap himself around Cas, buring his face in his chest. "Not funny, huh?" He murmured, his voice muffled by Castiel's hoodie. Dean relaxed and sagged against Castiel happily, still holding him loosely and laying on his chest on the floor.

Castiel laughed, kissing the scar in Dean's hair tenderly and wrapped his arms around him. "Okay, maybe a little," he chuckled, nudging his nose into Dean's hair and inhaling deeply the smell of shampoo and the faintest hint of lake water still residing there.

Dean hummed contentedly when Castiel kissed the scar on his head and then buried his nose in Dean's hair. It caused his scalp to tingle pleasantly and made him very relaxed. They lay like that for a little while, Dean listening to the sound of Castiel's heart and feeling the steady breaths in his hair. They were interrupted a few minutes later by the doorbell ringing, and Dean sat up excitedly. "Pizza." He said, and stood up to go answer the door.

Castiel rolled his eyes. Dean was like a big toddler at times. He sat up and moved over to the couch and sat in the corner, closing his eyes for a minute, exhausted from yesterday. He shouldn't have strained himself with sex so soon after getting out of hospital. He needed to rest but damn had it been worth it.

Dean paid for the pizza and brought it back to the living room with a grin. "Here's the meat feast pizza," he said, "With extra sausage. I know how much you love sausage." He smirked, unable to resist making the stupid dirty joke. He set the pizza down on the coffee table and then sat on the couch beside Cas. "You think Crowley wants some?" He asked thoughtfully.

Castiel half-heartedly punched Dean in the arm for making such a joke. He grabbed a slice, forcing himself to eat something before he fell asleep. "I think he made himself something," he shrugged, taking a bite a humming as the heat of the pizza spread through his body, warming him up.

"Okay. More for us." Dean said easily, grabbing a slice of pizza and taking a large bite. He moaned quietly at the amazing taste of the pizza and chewed slowly. He glanced over at Cas and frowned slightly in concern. "You look exhausted," he told him, "Are you feeling okay?"

Castiel nodded, taking another bite. "Just worn out from yesterday, honey. You really wore me out last night." He grinned knowingly and let out a soft sigh. He took another bite of pizza before leaning back into the couch. "We should probably give Dr Rosen a call too," he added as a side note.

Dean grinned around a mouthful of pizza. "Yeah, I'm kinda sore. But it was worth it." He nodded in agreement and finished his slice of pizza, leaning back against Castiel's chest and pulling his fiance's legs up around him and his arms as well, wearing Castiel like a piece of clothing. He snuggled against him contentedly. "Yeah, I think we need to get you an appointment with her tomorrow so we can work out a schedule for the sessions.

Castiel rolled his eyes fondly, chuckling as Dean used him as a blanket. He tightened his grip a little and got comfortable. "Okay. I'm doing this for you, you know," he said quietly after a moment passed. "I want to get better for you, honey. You deserve better than this..and I do too. I want to be happy for once and your the person to make that come true," he murmured, pressing his lips to Dean's temple and keeping them there.

Dean turned his head slightly so Castiel could reach him better, and he closed his eyes, tangling his fingers with Castiel's. "Thank you for not giving up," Dean whispered, "I don't think I could live without you." He breathed deeply and brought Castiel's fingers to his lips, kissing each knuckle carefully and gently and then held his his lips there. "I know you can get better. You want to be happy and you deserve that, and I'll be by your side no matter what."

"Honey, I love you, so much," he hummed when Dean started playing with his fingers and kissing them. "I'd really like it if you came to the sessions..I don't think I can tell a stranger these things. At least with you there it won't be so bad. It'll be like this moment right now..only someone watching, y'know? I'd feel more comfortable if you came with me."

Dean squeezed Castiel's hands and nodded. "Whatever you need," he told him gently. "I'll do anything to help you get better. I want you to be happy again." He understood the awkwardness of talking to a therapist; he'd been forced to talk to his school counselor after Mary died, and he'd dreaded those weekly sessions.

Castiel hummed appreciatively. "Thanks, honey," he murmured, pressing his lips to Dean's hand. "Come on, let's go to bed. We'll swing by her office tomorrow." Castiel yawned, standing up carefully and taking Dean's hand to head upstairs and to bed.

Dean nodded in agreement and followed Castiel up the stairs to the bedroom. "Dude, you're turning into a cat," he murmured fondly, "Seriously, this is like the hundredth nap you've taken today." They went into the bedroom and Dean threw himself onto the bed and beckoned for Cas to join him, smiling softly at him.

Castiel chuckled, crawling up to Dean and snuggling by his side. "I'm just tired, honey. I ain't gonna get better over night," he mumbled, resting his head against Dean's chest and pulling the covers over them to keep warm. He closed his eyes and sighed softly, wrapping an arm around Dean happily.

Dean curled into Cas and slotted their bodies together perfectly. "Go to sleep, baby," Dean murmured into Castiel's hair, "I'll be here when you wake up." He stroked Castiel's back gently, a smooth soothing rhythm, and hummed quietly against Castiel's head.

Castiel sighed, falling asleep pretty quickly against Dean. He awoke in the morning feeling a lot more energetic and was warm and comfortable against Dean. "Hey," he smiled softly, brushing his lips against Dean's jaw. He reached out for his phone and quickly phoned Dr Rosen and told her that they'd be over in a few hours.

Dean woke up to hear Castiel talking on the phone in businesslike terms, and he listened in interest with a proud smile as he realized he was talking to Dr. Rosen. When Castiel hung up the phone, Dean stretched and grinned at him. "I'm proud of you," he murmured, kissing Castiel's temple. "She'll be able to help you with everything."

Castiel hung up the phone and smiled at Dean when he pulled him into his arms. "I know, honey," he hummed with a soft sigh. "I..I just need to get used to it. That's all," he assured with an uncertain smile. He put down the phone and pressed a light kiss to Dean's cheek before moving away to head into the bathroom.

Dean didn't move from the bed as Castiel got down, too lazy and comfortable to get up. He dozed off as he heard Castiel moving around in the bathroom, falling back into a light, comfortable sleep. He had a good feeling about the day. Castiel was taking a step in the right direction and Dean was going to guide him along and stay with him no matter what happened.

Castiel washed his face before walking back into the other room. He crawled back into bed and straddled Dean's lap, resting his hands against the back of the other's torso and looking into his eyes, deep in thought. "Hey," he said softly again, watching Dean closely. "You ready to go?"

Dean opened his eyes and smiled up at Cas sleepily. "Do I look like I'm ready to go?" He mumbled, pulling Cas down for a quick kiss before sitting up and stretching his arms above his head, feeling his back pop with satisfaction. "You look better," he commented, "More well-rested." He kissed Cas again and then gently crawled out from under him to go into the bathroom. "I'll be ready in a few minutes."

Castiel chuckled, leaning into Dean's kisses and watched as the other walked away. He sighed happily and looked for something nice to wear but decided against it and just put on something comfortable. He picked out a pair of jeans and found a hoodie in the back of the wardrobe which he put on, as well as the hood out of habit. He toed on a pair of vans and sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for Dean.

Dean came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, washed and fresh and presentable. He put on a pair of Castiel's jeans, which fit him a little snugly but were still worn and comfortable, and found a grey tee shirt and put that on as well. He walked over to Cas and took his hands, standing him up so they were face to face, and smiled at him encouragingly. "Ready?" He asked.

Castiel watched absently as Dean changed, his mind else where as he tried to rally himself up to actually get up and do this. That's when Dean took his hands and smiled over at him, his saint guiding him through this. He breathed in deeply before nodding. "Yes. Let's do this," he said quietly, letting go of one of Dean's hands so they could walked down the stairs and to his bike outside.

Dean went downstairs and got on the bike with Castiel, Dean was a little nervous about returning to a therapist after so long avoiding them after his mother's death, and feared the memories that sitting in on a therapy session might stir. But he had to do this for Cas, wanted to do it for him.

Castiel felt Dean tense against him as he turned on the engine. He looked over his shoulder, kissing Dean briefly. "It'll be okay, honey," he assured. He smiled uneasily and rode off to the therapist, biting his lip nervously, thankful Dean couldn't see his expression. He needed to do this for Dean. To show him he could get better.

Dean nodded and smiled tightly, gripping Castiel's waist tighter as they rode out onto the road and headed towards the therapy clinic. It wasn't too long of a ride, thankfully, and they were there within 10 minutes. Once they were parked, they stood in the parking lot, and Dean slipped his hand into Castiel's and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Let's do this."

Castiel gave what he hoped was a smile and squeezed Dean's hand back. They entered the building and were told to wait. After twenty minutes, Dr Rosen came out of her office and called Castiel. He bit his lip nervously and gripped Dean's hand tighter. "Okay," he breathed, forcing himself to go through with this.

Dean stroked the back of Castiel's hand gently as they waited, and when Castiel was called, Dean stood up with him uncertainly and looked questioningly at Dr. Rosen. "Uh, i it alright if I go in with him?" He asked awkwardly, not letting go of Castiel's hand. Dr. Rosen smiled and nodded. "Dean," she remembered, "Feel free to come in if you want. Is that all right with you, Castiel?"

Castiel nodded, "I want him to" They'd agreed he would and he refused to go in alone now. Dr Rosen nodded, "Very well. Please, come in." They came into the room and Castiel looked warily at the couch. Hesitantly walking over to it, he sat down in the corner, tugging Dean to sit close to him. Dr Rosen sat in her seat opposite, taking her notepad and pen and sat forward, watching the two thoughtfully.

Dean's stomach clenched slightly as he entered the generic therapist room and sat down beside Castiel on the couch and he played with Castiel's fingers nervously. Dr. Rosen was sitting in her seat across from them with a pen and notebook and Dean swallowed anxiously but forced himself to calm down for Cas. "How are you doing since the incident, Cas?" She asked.

Castiel noticed how nervous Dean looked and kissed his hand before squeezing it gently. "Good," he answered simply to begin with. At least that was something to start on. "I've been around people who love me and it's really helped. I, uh, I'm starting to feel something that I've never felt before..like I'm worthy."

Dean knew Cas had almost never felt worthy, but it broke his heart to hear Cas say the words out loud. He chewed his lip and squeezed Castiel's hand back, giving him a small smile. Dr. Rosen smiled encouragingly. "That's good to hear," she told him earnestly, "Being around people who love you has such a positive effect." She scribbled something down on her paper and then looked back up curiously. "And you've felt unworthy because of how you were treated as a child up until recently?"

Castiel leant into Dean a little, keeping his head turned away from him. It was nice to know he was there but to say these things aloud hurt him and he didn't want to see Dean's expression of just how much it must have been hurting Dean too. "Yes. Until I met Dean, really," he answered honestly. Well, there was still Jimmy but he was always in hospital. It was hard for him to be there for Castiel when he had his own problems to deal with. Dr Rosen nodded in understanding, writing down more information.

Dean blushed slightly when Castiel mentioned him, and he suddenly felt shy. To have Castiel tell someone else how much Dean had changed his life was humbling and amazing when he looked at it from an outside point. He pulled his hand out of Castiel's and wrapped it around his waist instead, bringing them closer together. Dr. Rosen took note of their body positions and the way they were with each other. "Can you describe a typical day before you met Dean?" Dr. Rosen asked.

Castiel thought for a moment. It had been over eight months, it was hard to imagine a day without Dean in it but he tried. Dr Rosen waited patiently, biting the top of her pen. "I...I'd get up, spend half an hour sat on my bed stroking Amber and mentally preparing for what the day will bring," he leant into Dean but kept his head dipped down, playing with his hands. He'd never told Dean this and he wasn't sure if he'd guess or ever thought about it before. "Gabriel would usually come into my room, punch me where the bruises wouldn't show or throw something at me like a plate or an alarm clock. Balthazar would join in sometimes but he usually just watched. He hardly ever initiated these things himself. They'd tug at my clothes, practically dragging me downstairs until we were outside to go to school. I'd spend all day being shoved in lockers, spat on and beaten," Castiel had to stop, giving himself a moment to breath and stop from tearing up. "But then at lunch, I'd have twenty minutes to myself, just play my guitar and be myself all on my own," he smiled a little at that. Remembering how that had been the only highlight of his day."Then I'd go home be ignored by my father and the cycle started all over again."

Dean bit his lip and stared at the floor, not trusting himself to look up or else he might burst into tears. He couldn't do that to Castiel, not now. He needed to be supportive, not a crying mess in Castiel's lap. That would only humiliate both of them. Dr. Rosen winced in sympathy and hastily wrote most of that down. "Wow," she murmured, looking up at her patient. "That couldn't have been easy. Nobody should have to put up with that every day. I'm curious about how you and Dean met."

Castiel shrugged, he was used to it. "Dean...he did something stupid," he began, biting his lip. "He, uh, he was dared by his friends to take me to prom and basically humiliate the loser kid," Castiel said bitterly. He squeezed Dean's knee but didn't look at him. "So he partnered up with me in chemistry and flirted with me." Dr Rosen nodded, raising an eyebrow curiously, writing down the information. "Dean, did this not strike you as bullying?" she asked calmly.

Dean cringed guiltily and ducked his head. "Yeah," he admitted, "It was an awful thing to do and I knew it, but I just wanted to impress my friends. It was really dumb and I'm not friends with them anymore, I haven't spoken to them since... since I realized I had feelings for Cas that weren't faked." He rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment and glanced up awkwardly at Cas and then Dr. Rosen. She gazed at the two of them with a thoughtful frown for a moment before asking, "And then what happened?"

Castiel smiled a little at the next part. "Dean started being less flirty, his actions seemed more genuine." He squeezed Dean's hand in appreciation. "He stood up for me. To my brother Balthazar. In front of the whole school. I mean, no one had ever done that for me before." He bit his lip, looking over at Dean timidly. "Since then, people backed off, y'know. I finally wasn't an easy target. I had someone to help me stay strong and take a stand."

Dean tilted his head slightly and smiled shyly at Cas, squeezing his hand back. Dr. Rosen smiled softly at both of them. "Dean, what made you change your mind? How did you react when you realized your feelings were genuine?" Dean thought for a moment. "Uh... I guess, the more time I spent around Cas trying to get him to warm up with me so I could ask him to prom, the more we got to know each other. I was a jerk and I wouldn't leave him alone, but we learned stuff about each other and I realized I kinda liked him, which freaked me out a little because I've only ever been attracted to girls, but for some reason it's different with Cas. I told him the whole thing was just the result of me taking a dare, but I apologized and told him I wanted to be friends with him, and things kind of just developed from there."

Castiel nodded in agreement as Dean spoke. Dr Rosen hummed in thought before returning her attention to Castiel. "So after Dean told you what he'd done, what was going through your mind? Why did you forgive him?" she asked gently. Castiel bit his lip. "I won't lie, I was hurt. The one person I thought I could trust and he'd betrayed me like everybody else. It wasn't easy but I figured, if he'd told me the truth before prom maybe he really didn't want to hurt me, y'know? He'd have chickened out on the night or would have gone through with it and apologize after but he didn't. He tried to put things right and I was grateful for that. He was willing to loose our friendship to put things right and I thought he deserved a chance to try it again. To be himself, without his friends around. He's a different person now..because I saw him for who he really was and not what people wanted him to be."

Dean nodded sheepishly. "Yeah," he agreed, "I realized things about myself that I hadn't even known. I love singing and I'm actually not that bad at it, and I'd sing along when Cas played his guitar. And I think he changed after we started dating. Well, not really changed, but more like... came out of hiding. He's amazing in so many ways and he didn't even recognize it until I literally pointed it out to him. He started acting more confident, more talkative, and he smiled more, and I did too. I made new friends and did new things that I didn't think I'd ever do, like audition for a play. I think we both changed each other for the better and I definitely wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for Cas." Dr. Rosen gazed thoughtfully at Dean for a moment, a small smile gracing her lips, and Dean blushed awkwardly under her gaze. She looked at Cas with a similar expression. "You two have quite an interesting story," she commented, "So, did you end up going to prom together after Dean told you?"

Castiel listened to Dean and couldn't help but smile, he pressed a kiss to Dean's shoulder, leaning his cheek against it as he listened to him talk. He blushed when Dr Rosen asked them about prom and he looked up at Dean briefly, blushing a lot. "No. We..we had our own prom. I wanted Dean to show me he truly meant what he said. That he didn't care about his old friends anymore. That I mattered and that he was really sorry. So we had our own prom, got dressed up and went out, just the two of us." Dr Rosen nodded, writing down stuff as Castiel spoke. "As friends?" she asked, not looking up from her pad as she wrote. Castiel blushed deeply. "Initially, yeah, but you could say our friendship changed a bit after that. Not completely but there was something there," he said, not wanting to go into detail about their dancing and the several kisses they shared that night.

Dean turned his head toward Cas when he felt a kiss on his shoulder, and he smiled against the side of Castiel's head shyly. "I think we both knew at that point that what we were doing was outside the boundaries of friendship, and we sort of just went with the flow and let our relationship develop on its own. Neither of us really wanted to label it, we just were." Dean fit his hand into Castiel's, gazing down at it to hide his blush and idiotic smile. Dr. Rosen wrote down some more stuff and then looked up at both of them with a more serious expression. "And what about what happened when you started having a romantic relationship? How did your families and friends react?"

Castiel let out a soft sigh, lacing his fingers with Dean's and giving them a light squeeze. "I...We kept our relationship hidden for as long as possible. It seemed the right thing to do considering how dangerous is could be if the wrong people found out. People at school were surprisingly okay with it but..then again with Dean being the popular boy at school no one seemed to want to say anything and I think they respected him more after he stood up for me against my brother. My, uh, my father..I'm not sure if he knew. He disowned me so long ago it's tough to say what he knows about me. He doesn't care, that much is for certain. My mom is okay with it. I think the worst of it was..is..Dean's dad." Castiel had to stop, his hand reaching for his scarred cheek subconsciously. Dr Rosen made a note of it and watched him closely. "You said he hurt you before meeting Dean. Has it ever happened either of you whilst being together?"

Dean watched Castiel stroke the scar and sighed sadly. "That happened and I didn't know about it until Cas told me. And my dad didn't find out until pretty recently, about two months ago. It was the opening night of West Side Story and we'd just finished our first performance. Cas and I kissed and Dad saw it and flipped out. He hit Cas and knocked him down and dragged me out of school, put my brother and me into the car, and drove us home. And then he hit me when we were inside the house, punched me in the face, and then I left and got in a car accident. I was in the hospital for about a month and Dad finally started to accept me and Cas... well, not really accept. More like tolerated us, I guess."

Dr Rosen listened jotting down notes and nodding. "I think we may need to bring social services into this," she mused in all seriousness. Castiel bit his lip, squeezing Dean's hand. "I talked to him when Dean was still in hospital. And he did try..for a while to accept us. Which is something, I guess. But he hasn't hit anyone since..I understand that you think that'd be best but in all honesty I think it'll make things worse. He hits people because he's angry, not just because he wants to. I just...I don't want Dean or Sammy to get hurt through the process of court.."

Dean bit his lip and gripped Castiel's hand a little tighter. "Honestly, he hasn't been much of a father to me or my brother since our mom died. I basically raised Sam, Dad just gets drunk all the time and when he gets drunk, he gets angry. And we don't have any relatives who'd be able to take care of Sam..." Dean trailed off hopelessly, feeling something close to defeat and panic building up. Dr. Rosen said gently, "Dean, you're 18 so it's unlikely you'd be put in foster care, and as for your brother, I think it's mandated by law for anyone under 18 with no legal guardian or caretaker to be put into foster care. Unless there's somewhere else you can live?" She shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not an expert on legal things, but I'm sure we'll be able to work something out, don't worry. Nothing's going to change right away, but I just wanted to let you know that the authorities may get involved and your father might be deemed an inappropriate guardian."

Castiel chewed on the inside of his cheek. "My house is almost finished. When mom comes back...maybe we could talk to her?" Castiel suggested looking at Dean. "It's being rebuilt the same size. There's more than enough rooms to spare now that my brothers are gone. We could work something out. Keep Sammy safe?" He didn't really want to cause any unnecessary changes but if it came to it he wanted Dean to know he and his brother would have somewhere safe to stay. Dr Rosen wrote down a note to bring this up again.

Dean bit his lip, feeling something like panic growing inside him. "I don't want Sammy to be put in foster homes," He said quietly, looking at Cas. "I... thank you, Cas," he murmured gratefully, giving Cas a sad smile. Dr. Rosen didn't want to get into the legal side of things, so she changed the subject, directing the conversation back to Castiel. "Castiel, can you describe Jimmy to me? What was he like, and how did he die?"

Castiel swallowed thickly, squeezing Dean's hand. "Jimmy looked like me, but when we moved over from France he just wasn't the same anymore. His mental diseases got the better of him here. Maybe it was the drastic change or something but he just couldn't cope here. So three years after moving here my father started taking him to get check out and six months later he was sent to hospital for good. Apart from me and my mom he had no visitors so we were...we were really close. I'd go as often as I could, almost every other day for a while. He committed suicide about three months ago."

Dr. Rosen wrote that information down and then asked another question. "May I ask what mental illnesses he was struggling with?" She wanted to know if Castiel also showed signs of the diseases and then she could figure out how to deal with them. Dean stroked the back of Castiel's hand and his knuckles with the pad of his thumb, trying to show him how much he was loved and cared for no matter what.

Castiel took a moment before answering, trying to keep himself cool and collective. "Uh, Trichotillomania and..autism, mainly. Oh and a whole bunch of anxiety stuff but I think that's linked to the autism anyhows.." He let out a shuddery breath and squeezed Dean's hand. Dr Rosen nodded in understanding and wrote down the information, underlining the illnesses that Castiel may have himself. Trichotillomania in particular evident from his hair.

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel's neck and pulled him close to press his lips against Castiel's temple and held them there for a moment before slowly backing away and meeting his gaze questioningly. _Are you all right? _Dean rested his hand on Castiel's knee and squeezed gently. Dr. Rosen leaned forward with a thoughtful frown. "Cas, were you there when your brother died?" she asked gently, wondering if seeing his brother's death might have traumatized him in some way.

Castiel squeezed Dean's hand which was resting on his knee to tell him he was okay. Well, as okay as you could be in this type of situation. "Yeah..I, uh, I went to visit him. Get Dean to meet him. Turns out Jimmy was saying goodbye. I felt something was off..so I went back to his room about ten minutes later but..it was too late." Dr Rosen nodded, giving a sympathetic look as she wrote down information on her pad.

Dean took a deep breath in and let it out through his nose. That was one of the most frightening things he'd ever witnessed. Dr. Rosen looked up at Cas again. "I understand you inflicted a wound on yourself shortly after that..." Dean spoke up sadly. "I was there," he confirmed, "I stayed overnight with Cas and he pulled out a knife and cut his arm... there was blood everywhere. I didn't want him to do it, I tried to stop it..." Dean sighed sadly and buried his face in Castiel's shoulder. Dr. Rosen was silent for a moment, simply watching them.

Castiel let out a long, shaky breath as he watched Dean relive the story. He tangled his hand in the other's hair and held him close as he buried his face into his shoulder. "It's okay, love. Just breath deeply, okay?" he crooned, used to the self-infliction that it no longer bothered him like it did Dean. Dr Rosen noticed this an jotted it down. "I..I owed him. He used to count my scars each week when I visited and it was something we'd do as a regular routine. He's not very good with social situations but this, this he could understand. He could sympathise with me better if he understood just how upset I was. He wasn't good at reading people like that so he'd count the scars and if there was an extra one, he'd know something was up. Before he died he promised me that he'd be number ten. I..I guess he wanted to know he meant something to someone." Castiel could feel hot, silent tears run down his face. "I'm sorry, I.." Casitel sniffed, wiping his sleeve. Dr Rosen smiled and waited patiently. "It's alright, Castiel. Take your time."

Dean looked up as he heard Castiel's voice waver slightly, the telltale sign that he was trying not to cry. Dean sat up a little straighter, determined to be supportive of Castiel and not bring his own issues into this when Cas was so clearly struggling to get this information out. He wrapped an arm around Castiel, pulling him close to his body and leaning his forehead against Castiel's temple. He didn't say anything, not wanting to interrupt his thoughts, but simply held him to let him know he wasn't alone in this.

Castiel broke down, curling up against Dean's chest taking deep breaths. "I...I had to do it. I had to," he sniffed, wiping his cheek. Dr Rosen tapped her pen against her clipboard thinking silently as she watched Castiel broke down against his fiancé's chest. "I'm sorry," he whispered to Dean, remembering how he'd had to watch Castiel break down like that.

"So, it sounds to me as if you hurt yourself to both pay tribute to your brother and as a coping mechanism to deal with the pain of losing him," Dr. Rosen suggested gently. "I didn't know Jimmy, but do you really think he would want you to hurt yourself to prove how much you cared for him? From what you've told me, you were very close to him and devoted to spending time with him when nobody else would, is that correct?" Dean rubbed Castiel's upper arm, firm yet gentle at the same time and rested his head against Castiel's.

Castiel sniffed, fumbling with the sleeve of his hoodie. "Yes! He promised me he'd be the tenth. He wanted it to happen." He gripped Dean tightly, sniffing slightly. "Yes, I loved him. He was my soulmate. Before Dean, he was my only friend. There was no one else. You can't understand what that's like. What I did...it couldn't be stopped," he said with a shaky breath, clutching to Dean tightly.

Dr. Rosen frowned in concern and watched Castiel silently for a moment. "Shhh, it's okay, baby," Dean hushed, understanding that Cas needed to get his thoughts out but he didn't want him to break down completely and work himself into a hysteria. Dean kissed Castiel's face several times, light little kisses to soothe him and remind him to breathe. Cas was clinging to him with a crushing grip and Dean gently eased his hands away and instead wrapped both arms around Castiel, pulling him close and curling him against his chest in his arms.

Castiel sobbed into Dean's shirt, breathing deeply as he tried to regain his composure. "I'm sorry," he breathed, taking in big gulps of air. He moved away from Dean a little and wiped his eyes. "Honey, I'm so sorry," he said, shaking his head. Dr Rosen silently watching the transaction between the boys. She wrote down a few things, body language, the way they were with each other. Dean was clearly needed in Castiel's life and she made sure that was obvious in her notes.

"Stop apologizing, Cas. I know you're sorry and I forgive you. I'm just glad you're alive, okay?" Dean murmured against Castiel's hair. His hood had come loose during the session and all the moving around they were doing, and Dean gently stroked his fingers through Castiel's hair and rested his lips on the top of his head. To give Castiel some time to himself and not stress him out even more, Dr. Rosen spoke to Dean for a moment. "Dean, how about you?" She asked, "Have you ever hurt yourself or tried to commit suicide?" Dean shook his head. "No, never tried that. I'll admit there've been some times when I really wanted to, but I couldn't do it. I have to take care of Sammy."

Castiel sighed, leaning into Dean's soothing touches. Dr Rosen nodded, turning to Castiel. "Is that why you've never hurt yourself to extent of severe damage until after Jimmy was gone?" Dr Rosen asked gently, wondering if it was perhaps a similar situation. Castiel thought deeply for a moment. "I guess so. I would never leave him behind," Castiel nodded. Dr Rosen was thoughtful for a moment before commenting, "But you would Dean?" Castiel bit his lip, tipping his head away from Dean. "I don't know," he whispered. "He's always been there to save me."

"But what if I wasn't there?" Dean whispered brokenly, "Could you really just do that? Just kill yourself? Because that would've killed a part of me too." Dean tightened his arms around Cas, scared to let go, and closed his eyes tightly to stop himself from crying. His chest ached and his mind was crazily imagining what would have happened if Cas had really died. He hadn't let himself dwell on it before, but suddenly all he could see was Castiel's dead cold face and lifeless eyes, and he sobbed into Castiel's shoulder and held him even tighter.

"I don't know," Castiel sobbed. "I..I wasn't thinking. I..oh God." Castiel held Dean tighter, hold him close. His hand resting in the other's hair whilst the other wrapped around his waist. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I just...I saw the lake and t-tried to finish what Lucifer had s-s-started." He sobbed quietly. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he murmured sadly.

Dr. Rosen decided to intervene before things got out of control. "The important thing is that you're both here and you're together," she pointed out, "And neither of you want to lose the other. Castiel, I want you to remember that if you ever feel suicidal, just remember that you're no longer alone and if you hurt yourself, you also hurt Dean." Dean nodded in agreement and took a shuddering breath. "Still can't believe you almost killed yourself," Dean whispered into Castiel's neck. "I love you, idiot."

Castiel nodded, wiping his tears with his now dampened sleeve. "I love you, too, Dean," he smiled breathlessly, glad Dean was going to give him another chance. That he was still here with him after everything he'd put him through. Dr Rosen sat forward a little. "That's the hour over, Castiel. How would you feel making this a weekly thing? We can take it in steps to discuss any outstanding issues and discuss your childhood in more depth now that I understand the vague outline. Does this sound okay?" Castiel thought for a moment before nodding.

Dean took a deep breath and wiped away his tears hastily. He wished they'd ended on a better note, but at least Cas was smiling at him and everything was going to be okay. He sat up a little straighter and looked uncertainly between Castiel and Dr. Rosen as he stood up and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "Should I come next week? Or should Cas have a private session?" He asked timidly.

Dr Rosen mused for a moment. "I'd like to see Castiel alone but you may wait outside," she nodded. She wanted to see how Castiel would cope talking about this stuff on his own. If it didn't work. At least Dean would be outside if he needed to join them. Castiel stood with Dean and laced his hand with his. "Okay," he nodded, trying to stay strong and show Dean he could do stuff on his own.

Dean nodded in agreement. That sounded like a good plan. It wouldn't be healthy for Cas to be completely dependent on Dean, and Cas needed to be able to do this on his own. He knew Cas could do it. "Thank you, Dr. Rosen," he said quietly, pulling Cas close for a quick kiss. "Ready to go home, baby?" He murmured softly.

Castiel nodded, leaning into Dean happily. "Okay," he whispered. He turned to Dr Rosen and nodded. "Thank you," he said quietly before walking out the office with Dean and letting out a deep breath. "Are you okay, honey?" he asked Dean, wondering how he was with all this. He swallowed thickly, squeezing Dean's hand and walking out the building with him.

Dean managed a small smile and nodded, squeezing Castiel's hand in return. "We'll get through this," he told Cas, "I know it. It'll just take time." When they reached the motorcycle, Dean placed his hands on Castiel's shoulders and turned him so they were facing each other. "Thank you for agreeing to do these sessions," he said meaningfully, "I really think they're going to help you." He pressed his lips to Castiel's gently and held them there for a moment before backing away and smiling softly at him.

Castiel felt so warmed and love, held in Dean's arms as they kissed gently."Thank you," he murmured, kissing Dean gently again. "I'm doing this for you, honey," he whispered. "I want to get better for you. For us. I want to be happy again." He sat on the bike and waited for Dean to join him. "I love you," he said quietly, kissing Dean before turning on the engine.

"I love you too and I just want you to be happy." Dean replied, climbing onto the motorcycle behind Cas and hanging onto his waist. He rested his chin on Castiel's shoulder as they drove off , a small smile on his face. Things were going to get better. Cas was going to work through the problems of his past, and Dean was going to help him along every step of the way.

Castiel drove them to his old house, almost rebuilt and he smiled fondly. He peered over at Dean and grinned, "You wanna go have a look inside?" Castiel hadn't been inside yet. He hadn't had time since they'd gone back to France. He wondered if it would be a nice idea to do it up before his mom came back, a nice surprise for her. Castiel got off the bike and ventured up to the house, hesitating on the lawn.

"Wow, they got this done pretty quickly," Dean commented as he looked up at the new house. It was built similarly to the old one, and there were a few places where it was unfinished on the outside. Dean walked up to stand beside Cas and smiled at him. "Yeah, let's see what it's like inside."

Castiel bit his lip, tearing his eyes away from the spot he'd collapsed on when he'd saved Amber that night. He laced his fingers with Dean and walked up to the front of the house, walking through the doorway where the door was yet to be put in. He smiled excitedly, "This place looks different."

Dean looked around in interest. The house wasn't yet furnished or painted, and the majority of the interior was still plywood and plaster walls. Dean walked into the kitchen and glanced around curiously. There was a new floor, a dark hardwood, and some new appliances and a dark granite countertop, but the cupboards and light fixture wasn't finished yet. "This is gonna look really nice," he commented enthusiastically, looking around. "I can't wait to see it when it's done."

Castiel nodded excitedly. "Honey, it's amazing. Everything's new. No old memories. No dents from where Gabriel shoved me into the wall or where Balthazar threw plates at my head. It's all new!" Castiel grinned, looking around and going out to the back yard and looking around happily. "I can't wait to live here again," he sighed.

Dean followed Cas outside and wrapped his arms around him. "I'm so happy for you," he told him sincerely, "I can imagine you and your mom here, making it your own and living comfortably without having to be afraid for your own safety." Dean thought the new house would give Castiel a new sense of hope and purpose in life, no old memories plaguing his mind every time he walked through his own home.

Castiel hummed, resting his hands over Dean's and leaning back into him. "I meant what I said, you know," he whispered. "You are always welcome here. You and Sam. If you're ever in a position where you're not safe at home you come straight here. Do you understand?" Castiel said, turning around to look at him.

Dean stared at Cas, feeling tears well up in his eyes. He smiled shakily and hugged Castiel again, resting his cheek on his shoulder and wrapping his arms around Castiel's waist. "Thank you, Cas," he whispered hoarsely, his voice suddenly too strained to speak properly.

Castiel smiled, holding him close. "Hey. Hey. Honey. It's okay," he crooned, laughing softly, rubbing the other's back gently. "You and Sammy are my brothers, you're always welcome to stay here as long as you like. Mom will say the same," he smiled, kissing Dean lightly.

Dean choked out a laugh and smiled tearfully against Castiel's shoulder. "Cas, you're such a good person," he told him earnestly. "I love you so much and I can't wait to marry you." Dean wished they were out of high school already so they could just get married, but they still had another year, which Dean actually wasn't dreading as much as he'd thought he would.

Castiel smiled, pressing his lips to Dean's. "I love you too, but you're just gonna have to be patient, honey," he murmured quietly. The thought of marrying Dean making him feel giddy and warm. "Come on, let's go home," he smiled, walking back through the house and to his bike.

Dean hopped back onto the bike beside Cas and they rode home, Dean feeling warm and content pressed up behind Castiel, the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. When they arrived home, Dean stepped off the bike and took a deep breath before reentering the house beside Castiel.

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**Sorry it took so long to upload this. I love you all for reading this. It's just a bit of fun we have with our spare time.**


	37. Chapter 37

Riding home, Castiel sighed, taking Dean's hand and leading him inside and up the stairs to their bedroom. Where they proceeded to spend most of their time over the next month of Summer. Autumn soon kicked back in and school was back in business. They'd known each other for over 9 months and were two weeks back into school. Castiel was back in his old house with his mom and he was attending his weekly therapy sessions. Everything was going great for him. Currently sat in home ech with Dean, he bit his lip nervously, staring at the big bag a flour as well as the other ingredients for their cake. "I don't think I trust myself to do this. I'm going to get flour everywhere," he chuckled, looking over at Dean sat next to him on their work area.

"Babe, I don't trust you either. But are you seriously asking me to do this? I'm horrible at cooking, you know that." Dean leaned on the counter lazily. He didn't enjoy this class much. Sure, the cooking part was okay because it meant free food, but Dean had almost lost a finger to a sewing machine and as boring as learning about childcare was, he realized it was important and very relevant to their future. But he honestly didn't see any sewing in the near future. If the opportunity arose, that would be Castiel's job. "You'd make a horrible housewife," Dean griped, standing up and opening the bag of flour and measuring out the correct amount they needed. He smirked and blew a bit of the white powder at Castiel, and it settled lightly on his hair. His hair had grown back and looked great. Dean could barely even tell he'd ripped it out.

Castiel wrinkled his nose as Dean blew flour into his hair. "Hey, no fair," he pouted, running a hand through his hair to get it out. "Would you just help me make the damn cake? We need to get an A for this. I have not spent the summer teaching you so you can waste it all when it actually matters," Castiel complained. He'd spent the summer teaching Dean French, music, science and pretty much getting him ready to pass this year with flying colors. Dean didn't think he was good enough but Castiel knew better. Even if Dean didn't want to go to college he still wanted him to have the option with good grades. "Come on, honey. Just 20 more minutes then we can go make out under the tree," he haggled.

Dean sighed. "Fine," he huffed in a long suffering way. "But you didn't actually teach me how to bake a cake. Remember when we tried that and ended up smashing frosting in each other's faces and then we got busy with _other things _and the cake burned black? I don't really think that was the learning experience you were aiming for. What does this recipe say?" He grabbed the sheet of paper off the counter and then handed it to Cas so his hands were free to measure 3 cups of sugar. The class was a bit chaotic. Someone had dropped an entire carton of eggs and they'd spattered everywhere, and two more people had slipped on the mess and dropped flour everywhere. Surprisingly, it had nothing to do with Dean and Cas.

Castiel grinned, remembering that day all too well. "It's not my fault you're so damn hot," he mumbled, looking over the sheet that was shoved in his direction. "Okay, we need two eggs and 400g of butter," he called out after Dean added the sugar. They added all the ingredients without too much of a hassle and Castiel mixed it all together, sticking his tongue out as he stirred the mixture before pouring it into the tray and sticking it in the oven. "See? Piece of cake," he laughed, smirking at his own joke.

Dean rolled his eyes affectionately at Castiel's joke and then pinned him against the counter. "You've got a little something on your face," he pointed out suggestively, before leaning forward to lick it off his cheek with the tip of his tongue. "Gross, Dean. That's not sanitary," Garth said as he walked by, smirking at them. Dean sighed and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "You jealous?" He retorted, wrapping an arm around Castiel's waist. Garth huffed a laugh and grinned, continuing on his way. Dean even smiled a little. Garth was obnoxious, but he was a pretty nice guy. His heart was in the right place.

Castiel hummed, leaning into Dean's touch and giggled when Garth made a comment. "Unsanitary is sexy," Castiel murmured, pressing his lips against Dean's briefly. It wasn't long until the timer dinged and the cake had to be brought out of the oven. It wasn't smoking. Castiel took that as a good thing. "Okay, so now we just decorate it?" he shrugged, looking at the icing sugar before pointing accusingly at Dean. "Don't. Move," he warned, taking the icing sugar from the bag and pouring some into a bowl carefully.

Dean smirked and followed Cas over to where he was making the icing and leaned his chin on his shoulder to watch. "I won't do anything, I promise." He said, but then placed his hands on Castiel's waist and whispered teasingly in his ear, "Someday we're gonna make a huge bowl of frosting and lick it off each other." He nibbled subtly on Castiel's earlobe. For some reason, Dean was feeling oddly giddy and playful today, and whenever that happened in school a great deal of sexual frustration accompanied it.

Castiel giggled, trying not to groan loudly in the middle of cooking in school. Honestly, how anyone put up with both of them being two horny teenagers all the time was beyond him. "Honey, stop being so damn hot and help me decorate this thing," he whined, shoving a butter knife into Dean's hand to spread the now mixed icing over the top of the cake.

Dean grinned and took the knife from Cas to ice the cake. It was a surprisingly large cake and Dean didn't know what they were going to do with it, since it was too big for both of them to eat. "Not my fault I'm hot," he teased, pressing up against Castiel's side casually and continuing to spread the icing around. "Makeout session by the tree? Sounds like a good plan to me."

Castiel chuckled dipping his finger subtly into the bowl, licking the icing off his finger. "Mmm, that's good. We're gonna ace this class. I just know it." He grinned happily at their final product and wrapped an arm around Dean's waist. "We make quite a team," he murmured, kissing Dean's cheek.

Dean leaned into Cas happily and wiped his hands on a towel before swiping his finger through the leftover icing and holding it up to Castiel's lips with a smirk. "The only reason I'm acing it is because of you, babe." He said, teasingly painting the sugary icing over Castiel's lips.

Castiel chuckled, licking his lips and Dean's finger clean of icing. "I'm only teaching you this stuff, Dean. You have to give yourself some credit for doing it right. You're really clever," he praised, sucking Dean's finger lightly before letting go of it. "You ready for drama class, love?"

Dean smiled at Cas and kissed his sweet-tasting lips. "Yeah, let's go. Are we taking the cake with us or leaving here to pick it up later?" Dean loved drama class. After their success in the play last year, Dean and Cas had both decided to take it more seriously and sign up for the class to add into their schedules.

Castiel shrugged, "We'll pick it up later. I don't want to have to carry it around." He took of his apron and set it on the now clean counter. He picked up the cake and handed it to the teacher for her to grade and said they'd come back for it later. He laced his hand with Dean's as they walked to drama. Castiel was nervous. Today was their first assignment piece. Castiel had discussed with Dr Rosen about the class and she thought that it would be a good idea to outlet some hidden emotions by portraying it through his work. Castiel had been reluctant at first but found it was a really helpful way to express himself.

Dean laced his fingers with Castiel's as they casually walked through the crowded halls to the stage. Dean knew this class was important to Cas, because it was his way of expressing his inner emotions and thoughts, a healthy way to get them out of his head and think them through. Dean didn't entirely understand what it meant to Castiel, but it was clearly important. When they walked into the auditorium, people were milling around backstage.

Castiel entered the auditorium with Dean, smiling nervously. He squeezed Dean's hand and took a seat near the front. Mrs Harvelle stood at the front, in front of the stage and clapped her hands together. "Okay people, todays your assignment projects. Who wants to go first?" A girl put her hand up and took to the stage, beginning a contemporary dance styled piece, timid yet powerful. She just needed to work on being used to being up on stage. Castiel bit his lip, looking over at Dean. "You got yours set?" he asked nervously.

Dean bit his lip nervously as he watched the girl dance. "I think so," he whispered, knee bouncing in nerves. Dean had prepared a monologue, written and practiced meticulously. He was a little nervous about it being too personal or too overdone, but he hoped he could deliver it in a good enough way, the way he'd practiced it. He hadn't shown it to Cas yet, hadn't shown it to anyone. It was poetic and beautiful, but he was terrified to perform it in front of his class. "How about you? Are you ready?"

Castiel smiled softly, he hadn't seen Dean's yet but that was okay. He hadn't show his to Dean either. It seemed only fair. He kissed Dean's cheek, "I'm sure you'll be great." Castiel bit his lip, clapping as the girl finished her performance. "I'm not sure. It's a big step. I..just don't laugh if I'm awful, okay?"

Dean frowned and leaned closer as the applause died down and the next person took the stage. "Cas, I'd never laugh at you. And I know you're not gonna be awful." He kissed Castiel's cheek in return and rested his head on his fiance's shoulder. The next student was reciting a poem she'd memorized, making it dramatic and beautiful and putting movements and gestures into her performance.

Castiel bit his lip as he watched the girl blow them away with her performance. These guys had been doing it since they started high school, maybe even younger. Castiel felt a little out of his league. He watched all the way through until his name was called to perform. He bit his lip and kissed Dean for support before making his way up to the stage. His heart in his mouth, he breathed deeply, closing his eyes as he felt Castiel slip away and Jimmy take his place.

He opened his eyes, staring emptily out into the darkened audience. His shoulders hunched and arms crossed protectively across his middle. He looked down at the floor for a long time, placing his feet perfectly to line up against the lines in the wood. "He came again today," he began quietly. His features heavy with burden and most likely medication. "Told me about his day, his problems, yeah? Well..w-we all got p-problems. What makes him so special?" Castiel was speaking how he felt Jimmy would have thought of him in his last moments on Earth. He stepped forward, moving mechanically and paranoid. "He brought his friend with him too. G-Good kid. M-Maybe that's all it takes. Someone to show you the way, to stop you from doing something stupid." He looked sadly down at the floor. "I wish someone had shown me the way, maybe I wouldn't be here right now. Alone." He shook his head violently, tugging lightly at his hair. "I-I-It wasn't his fault. He wasn't enough anymore. There was nothing he could do. I..I don't blame him." Castiel fell to the floor, scrapping his fingernails along the floor as he broke down into tears. "I'm s-ssorry, buddy," he sobbed. "You did all you could."

Dean leaned forward in his seat and watched carefully as Castiel began his performance. At first, Dean couldn't figure out what he was doing, he seemed so... troubled. But when Dean looked at Castiel's face, it wasn't his Cas he saw there, it was Jimmy. Dean felt goosebumps rise along his arms and he shivered, eyes wide and mouth dropping open slightly. The way Cas was moving, it wasn't even him. He really looked like he was losing his mind, and part of Dean was worried and wondered if it was true. When Castiel started sobbing and screaming, collapsing and clawing at the ground, Dean bit his lip, his gaze transfixed on Jimmy.

Castiel sucked in a breath, letting out a shaky sob as he continued his performance. He couldn't feel Castiel inside him anymore. He'd been completely consumed by Jimmy and it was tearing him apart. "Just remember. You weren't my best friend," he whimpered, counting the lines in the palms of his trembling hands. He shook his head, blinking and letting tears fall down his cheeks. "You were more than that," he sobbed, pulling at his hair as he stared vacantly at the floor boards. "You were me and I was you. Together we were unstoppable. We were and are one. And no one can take that away from us." Castiel let out a final breath as he felt something escape his lips. A cold chip ran through his spine as he returned to reality. He swallowed thickly, standing up as Castiel and wiping at his tear stained cheek.

Dean held his breath, frowning in concern. Nobody in the audience moved, nobody made a sound, and it was eerily silent in the auditorium, every speck of attention focused on Castiel. When he stood up again, Dean could actually recognize him, much to his relief, but he looked broken, yet somewhat relieved at the same time. Nobody applauded for a moment, and people in the audience looked around at each other, unsure of whether or not or how to praise such a raw, emotional performance.

Castiel looked out into the audience and swallowed thickly, blushing a little. No one was clapping and he thought he'd done something wrong. At least a courtesy clap would have been nice but this just made him paranoid that he'd messed things up. He bit his lip and went to walk off stage when he heard Mrs Harvelle stop him. "Just hang on a second, Castiel. I have to ask you a few questions first." Castiel wiped his cheek again, still feeling sticky. He remained on stage, assuming this was part of the assignment like everyone else when they get asked questions about their performance at the end. "Who was that?" she asked, sitting at the back behind everyone else. "It's, uh, my brother, Jimmy," he said, dipping his head and smoothing over where he'd tugged at his hair earlier. He didn't want Dean thinking that had been him and not the performance. He and Jimmy were so alike. He wondered whether Dean could tell the difference at certain moments.

Dean bit his lip nervously, not knowing what to do. Castiel's performance had shocked the rest of the students, and nobody had been expecting such an intense display. Heads turned to look at Mrs. Harvelle to see her reaction. She was frowning thoughtfully and looked somewhat concerned, but at the same time she looked impressed and surprised. "I didn't know you had a brother named Jimmy," she commented. She knew about Lucifer and Michael; they had attended this school and she also knew Balthazar and Gabriel, but she'd never heard of Jimmy.

Castiel rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He didn't like discussing this sort of stuff but he supposed drama was much like therapy. It was all confidential. Everyone was expressing very deep, private things. He supposed it would be okay to trust these people. They were his friends after all. "Yeah. H-He's my twin," he stuttered nervously. He could do this. This would show Dean just how much he was willing to express himself. Be less closed off with the world. "He lived in the city," he began, wiping a stray tear from his cheek. He was still crying slightly from his performance, it was taking a while for his body to calm down after such a physically demanding piece. "In the psychiatric hospital."

Dean held his breath as Castiel shared the secret of his twin brother with the class. He couldn't believe Castiel was doing this, it was so brave of him to stand up on a stage and tell people about his painful experiences. It would help, though, to get something like this off his chest and have other people to talk to besides just Dean. Dean looked around at the nearby people and met Anna's eyes, who had been sitting on the other side of Castiel before he'd gotten up to go to the stage. She looked at Dean with a sad smile and Dean looked back at her. "That was a very real and meaningful performance, Castiel." Mrs. Harvelle said, her voice serious and thoughtful. She stood up and began clapping, and the rest of the audience did as well, enthusiastic yet serious. Dean smiled sadly at Cas and met his eyes.

Castiel blushed, smiling a little as he visibly relaxed. He'd been so afraid he'd done something wrong but she'd loved it and he couldn't have been more relieved. He met Dean's eyes and gave a timid bow and walked back to his seat, kissing Dean tenderly yet firmly. He was still trembling a little from nerves and he couldn't stop smiling. He'd done it. He passed another mile stone. He was getting somewhere. He turned around and hugged Anna who proceeded to hug him back tightly. "Why didn't you say anything?" she whispered. Castiel sighed, "I wasn't strong enough back then." Anna met Dean's eyes over Castiel's shoulder and seemed to understand. She let go of him with a light squeeze of his hand and sat back in her seat. Castiel sat back down with Dean and rested his head on his shoulder. He was feeling a little drained and closed his eyes for a minute as he regained his composure.

Dean kissed Castiel gently and then wrapped an arm around him as Cas settled down against his shoulder. He lifted his hand to casually play with the hair on the back of Castiel's head, peering over the top of his head to meet Anna's eyes and smile at her reassuringly. Everything was okay. Everything was more than okay, actually. Dean smiled down at Cas proudly. He was doing so much better, going to his therapy sessions every week, talking to more people, making more friends, smiling more, not being as lonely and secretive, and he was really flourishing now that Balthazar and Gabriel were gone.

Castiel looked up at Dean and smiled lightly. "Did I do good, honey?" he asked, wanting Dean's approval because that's all that mattered to him. What Dean thought. Everything he did was for Dean. From them. He wanted to be happier and he wanted to do it with Dean. He laced their hands together and kissed his knuckles tentatively, watching as a guy took the stage to perform a lighter piece than Castiel's about a day out with his baby sister.

Dean smiled softly at Cas and nodded. "That was amazing," he whispered, "Terrifyingly real. I think Mrs. Harvelle really liked it, you've got a lot of talent." Dean wrapped his fingers around Castiel's hand and stroked the palm of his hand gently, tracing the lines in his palm with light fingertips.

Castiel smiled and let out a breath in relief. He was so glad. He was really nervous that he'd get it wrong. If he was going to announce his secret he wanted to go it right. He watched Dean play with his hand and smiled, looking back up at the performance on stage. He clapped when it was over and heard Mrs Harvelle call Dean to stage. "Good luck, honey," he whispered, kissing his cheek and squeezing his hand lightly.

Dean took a shaky breath and smiled nervously as he walked up to the stage. When he had all eyes on him and everything was silent, he faced the audience, hands clasped in front of him and standing still in the center of the stage. He tipped his head down and took a calming breath to prepare himself. Then he raised his head slowly and gazed towards the back of the auditorium, standing like a solder at attention. "When I found you, you were broken. Crushed and dying under the rubble. Suffocating. Bleeding. Fading out of existence. The life was draining out of you, every last breath of air squeezed from your lungs. Colors turning to grey and shapes blurring together. You were trapped under the weight of your collapsed world, unable to free yourself. You cried out for help, but nobody heard. Nobody saw you there, buried in broken pieces in the dark. How long were you trapped there? The pain must have been overwhelming. It's amazing that you survived that long. You were scared, hopeless, confused. Unheard, unseen, unknown. Alone in your agony." Dean paused for dramatic effect and bowed his head for a breath, shoulders rising and falling. He lifted his head up proudly and stepped forward again, determination on his face as he continued to stare straight at the back wall of the auditorium. "I almost didn't see you when I passed by. I was too busy saving myself from the crumbling walls, pieces falling down around me as I ran for shelter. There was nowhere to hide, no safe places. My home had already been destroyed and I ran through the streets, dodging heavy, burning hunks of anger and sorrow and pain. I had to pause to catch my breath, and that's when I heard you. Your faint plea for help, barely audible over the chaos."

Castiel bit his lip and wondered what Dean had in store for them. He sat in his seat, fixated on Dean as he took to the stage and begun. It was scary how easily he could transform into someone else. Despite the fact Dean was talking about emotional trauma, he looked emotionless, distant and cut off. He stood as if addressing his father. Dean had always been cold and hard around his father and to see him like this again freaked him out a little. He bit his lip, knowing exactly what Dean was talking about and gripped the edge of his seat a little tighter.

Dean took another step forward and dropped his hands to his sides and he finally lowered his gaze to the audience, glaring accusingly at everybody in the audience except for Castiel. "Why did nobody save you? Did they all just turn a blind eye? Did they walk past and ignore you, pretend they couldn't hear your cries for help? How many people saw you there and looked the other way? I found you. I feared I was too late, that you were too far gone to be saved. I abandoned my search for shelter and safety and ran to you instead. Your eyes were wide and bright, tear tracks cutting through the ash and dust on your cheeks. Your hair tangled dirty, clothes torn and stained with blood. You were a mess. Dirty, broken, frightened. You were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen." Towards the end of his monologue, Dean let himself relax, shoulders sagging and expression changing into something more raw and emotional, and then he planted his feet slightly further apart and clasped his hands in front of him again after he finished speaking, and lifted his head, trying to make himself look stronger and more enlightened than he had looked when he'd started his performance. A faint smile ghosted his lips, and he met Castiel's eyes for a lingering moment before taking a bow and stepping backwards a little bit. "Thank you," he said.

Everyone in the audience were stunned into silence. Both he and Castiel had come out of nowhere and produced ground breaking performances. Castiel couldn't move, couldn't speak. He was so moved, he felt a tear slide down his cheek. He wanted to cheer and applaud but he was stunned into silence. Mrs Harvelle, who was sat at the back and nodded thoughtfully. "Very nice, Dean. What possessed you to do this?" she asked.

Dean blushed and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, shifting his weight from side to side. He cleared his throat and looked at the floor, suddenly shy. He didn't want to come right out and tell what exactly his monologue was about, because it was about Castiel and Dean wasn't sure he wanted everyone to know, although it was probably obvious. "I was inspired by someone I met once," he said vaguely, and hoped that was enough of an answer to satisfy Mrs. Harvelle. He watched her anxiously, desperate to get off the stage. He hated being on stage when he wasn't performing, everyone's eyes on him and waiting for something.

Castiel bit his lip. He knew what it was about. He also knew Dean wouldn't say it aloud. It was way too personal. It was a dark point in their lives and he could understand that Dean didn't want to share it. He sighed softly, half standing and walking towards the stage before he knew what he was doing. He made it to the stage, Mrs Harvelle raising an eyebrow. "It's..it's about me. About us," he said lacing his hand with Dean's and looking up at him thoughtfully.

Dean's eyes widened as Castiel moved towards the stage, and suddenly all eyes were on him and Cas was standing beside him. "Cas?" He whispered uncertainly, looking at Castiel as they stood together on the stage. He didn't know what to do or say now, because Castiel had just revealed himself to the class. Dean wasn't worried about what people thought of Castiel, because he trusted the people in this class. He was surprised that Cas was willing to admit these things to everybody, but proud nonetheless. He smiled knowingly at him. Mrs. Harvelle gazed at them and smiled gently and said, "You two have quite the story. Thank you, Dean. You may both sit down now."

Castiel smiled at Dean, squeezing his hand. "It's okay," he murmured. Castiel wanted to be able to share these things and today he was feeling good. He felt safe and happy and willing to do as much as he could to take that next step into opening up. Today was quite an achievement and he smiled proudly, nodding at Mrs Harvelle a little before squeezing Dean's hand and leading him back to their seats. Everyone was still blown away but managed to applaud, a few supportive looks thrown their way that made Castiel feel warm and fuzzy. Anna smiled encouragingly at them and Castiel smiled back. Once in their seats, Castiel kissed Dean softly in praise. "That was amazing, honey," he whispered as Mrs Harvelle made her way up onto the stage. "Okay kids, that's all we got time for today. Don't forget to sign up for our Christmas play this week. We'll be holding auditions here on Friday."

Dean exhaled shakily and his legs trembled slightly as he stumbled back to his seat, holding Castiel's hand firmly. Once they were seated Dean leaned into the kiss automatically and didn't let go of Castiel's hand. "Wow," he whispered, smiling in disbelief. "That was intense. Can't believe you did that, baby." The students began to stand up and wander around as they waited for the bell to ring to let them go to their next class. Anna came up to Cas and hugged him sweetly, and Dean stepped back a little to give her room, smiling gratefully at her over Castiel's shoulder.

Castiel hugged Anna and was grateful for her support. When she pulled away, she hugged Dean before commenting that they were both amazing before scurrying off to her next class. Castiel looked back at Dean with a smile. "I did it for you, kitten," he smiled, leaning up to kiss Dean against softly before moving away again. "And you better be auditioning," he warned with a smile. "You're too talented to go to waste."

Dean grinned at Castiel and fingered the hem of his shirt absently as Castiel pulled away, reluctant to let him go. "I plan on it," he replied, "But only if you audition too. Can't do it without my baby." He kissed Castiel again, hand sliding to his jaw as he kissed him gently and then backed away with a soft smile. "This is gonna be our year, Cas. I can feel it."

Castiel grinned nodding in agreement. "Just try and stop me," he murmured. He felt warm and over come with joy as Dean spoke and he nodded. "I feel it too." He leaned in a kissed Dean again. Everything was warm and wonderful. His hand sliding delicately through Dean's hair as it ran down his jaw before sliding down his chest and over his heart. "Come on, honey. We'll be late for class."

Dean covered Castiel's hand with his own and smiled. He wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist and hooked his thumb casually in the back pocket of Castiel's jeans as they walked down the hall to French class. Dean didn't hate French as much as he used to. He understood much more now that he'd practiced with Castiel over the summer, and he was more interested in the culture aspects as well since they'd gone to Paris.

Castiel sighed, wrapping an arm around Dean as they walked to French. Entering the room, Castiel walked to the back of the room where he usually sat. It made him smile to think it was because he was no longer hiding but because he wanted to be able to chat with Dean and nod get seen. He took out his work and smiled when he found his poem to Dean. He'd folded the paper into a heart and handed it to Dean with a kiss on the cheek. "Pour vous."

Dean grinned and took the note from Cas. "You're so cheesy," he teased affectionately, but he couldn't stop the happy blush and smile. "Cheesy, but adorable." He carefully unfolded the heart-shaped note and smiled wider when he saw Castiel's handwriting and started to read it, but quickly hid it under his textbook with an innocent look on his face when the teacher called his name, and sighed in relief when he realized it was only for attendance. He carefully slid the paper back out and read it in his lap, smoothing it out and read the love poem in French Cas had written him.

Castiel giggled and blushed. He felt a little silly but he wanted to do little things like this for Dean to make him smile. He called here when his name was called for attendance and smiled over at Dean when he saw his face. "You like it, honey?" he smiled sweetly, as the teacher went to the board and started writing up the lesson plan.

Dean carefully folded it back up and tucked it into his notebook pocket, smiling over at Castiel and turning around in his seat to lean over and kiss him. Dean sat right in front of Cas, and he was always getting in trouble with the teacher for turning around to whisper things to him during class, but he didn't care. Somehow, they'd gotten to be the school's most adorable, in love couple, and everyone knew about them and referred to them as "Destiel", a couple name that had been a little weird at first but Dean had actually grown to like it.

Castiel smiled sweetly into the kiss, humming happily against the other's lips. He pulled away when he heard someone _aww _and blushed a little. He still wasn't used to it and it made him smile timidly. The class went by pretty quickly, they discussed in French what they did in the summer break and Castiel announced happily that he'd proposed to Dean in Paris, causing many of the girls to squeal in excitement and look his and Dean's way.

Dean grinned widely and blushed, ducking his head and glancing at Cas shyly. He'd been a little worried about how people would react when they found out about their engagement, because it was pretty unusual for people to be this seriously committed in high school. But everyone was smiling, happy for them, and Dean felt warm and proud to be Castiel's. The girl next to Dean, Becky, tapped Dean's shoulder urgently and he turned to her. "Did he get you a ring!?" She asked, forgetting to speak in French out of excitement, and Dean timidly held up his hand for her to see. She screeched and grabbed his hand, holding it up for inspection. Dean laughed and blushed even deeper.

Castiel grinned, looking over at Becky and smiling. "Now I had to get a ring, didn't I? How else would people know he's mine?" he grinned taking back Dean's hand and kissing the knuckles. He giggled and blushed a little and the teacher congratulated them and hoped they had a good time in Paris. All the girls were still swooning and even the guys thought it was pretty cool which he wasn't expecting. He smiled over at Dean and held his hand, refusing to let him turn around.

Dean was smiling so widely and blushing so hard his cheeks ached, and he was so happy to have this acceptance and support from their classmates and teacher. A guy sitting on Dean's other side patted his shoulder happily and smiled at him, and Dean grinned back in appreciation. The guy, Corbett, punched Castiel's shoulder lightly and grinned at him as well. "Congrats, dude!" He said, and Dean chuckled and squeezed Castiel's hand. On the first day of school, Corbett had approached Dean nervously and asked him for advice. He was a year below them, and he was trying to come out but wasn't confident. Dean was flattered that Corbett had come to him for such important advice, but he wasn't good at giving advice and he didn't even know how to tell someone how to come out. But Corbett had thanked Dean and a few days later was sporting a small rainbow pin on his backpack.

Castiel blushed, "Thanks." He didn't know Corbett that well but he'd seen him around school with a little rainbow pin. He grinned happily, squeezing Dean's hand and kissing his ringed hand causing Becky to squeal with delight. Castiel blushed and chuckled. Everyone was watching them now and Castiel felt a little weird with all the attention but it was positive and nice. Class seemed to come to haut after that. Even the teacher wanted Castiel to tell the story of their time in France and how he propose. He chuckled nervously. "I think Dean tells it better. Honey?" he asked, looking over at Dean with a big grin.

Suddenly, all eyes were on Dean, smiles coming from every direction and the girls all squealed and awwed when Cas called Dean 'honey'. Dean put his hand up to his mouth to try to cover his delighted, nervous laugh, but he was too excited and a moment away from jumping up and down and flailing like a twelve year old girl with a crush. He managed to contain himself though, and prepared himself for the possibility of him and Cas becoming the talk of the school for years to come. School celebrities. "Uh, Cas told me we were going on a trip to France because of his mom's business trip, so we went and stayed in his late grandmother's house, which is in the outskirts of Paris. It's really nice. We spent a few days exploring the city and doing stuff and then one night he took me into the attic of the house and it was all decorated with lights and roses and things and the view of Paris from the window up there was beautiful, and we were eating some chocolate covered strawberries and underneath the pile of them there was a ring box, and Cas opened it up and asked me to marry him." Dean was smiling uncontrollably, staring down at his hand where the ring sparkled, a promise of happy days to come. "It was the best night of my life."

Castiel had to try and contain his excitement as Dean retold the best night of their lives. He could imagine Dean telling this story for years to come. At their wedding, at dinner parties, to their children. He sighed happily, taking Dean's hand and smiling. "Best night of your life so far," he murmured cheesily but he didn't care. Everyone was eating it up awwing and squealing. A few "How romantic" were thrown about. Castiel grinned at Dean, not looking around at all the bright smiles that were crowded around them. Corbett grinned and patted Castiel on the shoulder. "Congratulations, guys," he smiled timidly. Castiel smiled back. "Thanks, dude."

Dean smirked slightly at Cas and then blushed even deeper, enjoying the attention despite his shyness. The whole class was excited about their engagement and genuinely happy for them, and Dean was so grateful that nobody ridiculed or insulted them. They were just two people in love looking forward to spending the future together, and all the other kids were happy for them. Dean smiled at Corbett for a moment and replied, "Thanks." They looked at each other knowingly for a few seconds too long and then Corbett blushed and looked away. Dean's attention was drawn back to Becky, who was practically bouncing in her seat out of excitement. "When's the wedding?"

Castiel grinned at Becky, not noticing the look Corbett and Dean had shared. "Hopefully around Christmas next year," Castiel answered. Becky squealed and gasped, clapping her hands excitedly. "Oo, I love a winter wedding. You guys are going to be so prefect. It'll be the best!" Castiel grinned happily, chuckling as he looked over at Dean. "I sure hope so." Corbett was smiling timidly. Happy for the pair. He hoped he too could find someone who made him as happy as Castiel and Dean made each other.

Dean grinned excitedly at the thought of their winter wedding. He laughed at Becky's excitement and then brought Castiel's hand up to his lips to kiss the skin of his fingertips delicately. "I can't wait," he murmured, which earned a collective sigh from the class that made him feel like he was on a soap opera.

Castiel laughed, dipping his head. "Come on, honey. If we keep this up we're gonna turn the class into a bunch of giddy kittens." He laughed, the school bell ringing and Castiel gathered up his stuff. People were reluctant to leave as they wanted to hear more but Castiel needed some alone time with his man. "See you guys later," he nodded with a smile, taking Dean's hand and leading them out into the hall for Lunch.

Once they reached the tree and escaped their excited classmates, Dean collapsed in a fit of giggles on the grass. It was getting colder outside, and soon it would be winter and they'd have to find another place to have lunch. Dean put the hood of his sweatshirt up and smirked at Cas. "Where's that makeout session I was promised?" He teased.

Castiel grinned, giggling with Dean as he collapsed into his lap and kissed him firmly on the mouth. His warm breath mingling with Dean's in the crisp air as he tilted his head to the side to get a better angle, deepening the kiss. He pulled away breathlessly, grinning. "I love you," he murmured happily, playing with Dean's hood and running a hand through his hair.

Dean groaned and slid his fingers into Castiel's hair as they kissed, pulling him closer as their mouths slid together. Dean sucked on Castiel's tongue, hot and velvety, and then they were pulling apart, leaving Dean whining for more. "Kiss me again," he begged breathlessly, not even caring that he sounded like a horny prostitute. He licked teasingly at the seam of Castiel's lips.

Castiel moaned quietly, sliding his mouth against Dean's and kissing him passionately. He moaned quietly, clutching at Dean's hair so it stuck up and made it obvious what he'd been doing. He groaned deliciously into Dean's mouth a pulled away for air. "If we don't stop soon you might have to fuck me against this tree," he said breathlessly, with a light chuckle.

Dean's dick twitched in interest at Castiel's suggestion, and he reluctantly sighed and pressed a chaste kiss to Castiel's lips. "I think people would enjoy that a little too much. We'd have an audience." A movement behind Castiel caught his eye and Dean saw Meg and Bela approaching, both of them wearing knowing smirks. "Don't let us interrupt you," Meg said, "Please continue. We won't bother you two." Dean rolled his eyes and buried his face in Castiel's shoulder, wrapping his arms around him and keeping him straddled on his lap.

Castiel groaned in annoyance, resting his head in Dean's neck to hide his face. "Uh, I just want make out with my fiancé," he complained. Meg rolled her eyes, "Don't worry, you can go back to your little tonsil tennis session in a minute. We just wanted to ask you about the play." Castiel blinked, "Oh, well, uh, what's up?" Meg grinned, "We just wanted to make sure you were auditioning." Castiel nodded, "Sure am, you?" Meg nodded. "Good luck, boys."

"Same to you," Dean murmured, and then there was an awkward silence as Meg and Bela just stood there expectantly. Dean rose his eyebrows at them, and Bela smirked teasingly. "Well? Get on with it," she said, and Dean huffed an impatient sigh. "We're not here to satisfy your kinky sexual urges, ladies." he told them, and Bela laughed and nudged Dean's leg with her foot. "Kidding. Although we'd love to stay and watch the show, we've actually got some socializing to do." Bela linked her arm with Meg and tugged her away, much to Dean's relief. He turned his attention back to Cas with a sly grin. "You were saying?"

Castiel watched the banter and laughed, turning back to Dean and grinning excitedly. He leaned in and kissed him teasingly. "Unless you're willing to screw me in the boys cubicle we really need to stop," he commented, with a chuckle. If they didn't stop soon Castiel would be way too hard and wouldn't be able to get up and walk to his next class without embarrassment.

Dean nibbled Castiel's lower lip and sucked it slowly into his mouth. "Is that an invitation?" He murmured against Castiel's lips, kissing him hungrily and resisting Castiel's feeble attempts to stop him. He rolled his hips just slightly against Castiel's, a slow teasing drag of denim on denim and bit his lip at the sensation. "Or we could just, you know, take the Impala and drive out to the woods..."

Castiel gasped, moaning deliciously. "Fuck.." he breathed. "Yes." He managed to lean forward, grinding his hips subtly in the process. "Take me NOW," he ordered frustratedly. He was so turned on and about two seconds from riding Dean right here, right now. He nibbled on Dean's earlobe before moving away and standing up on shaky feet, taking Dean's hand and practically running with him towards the car.

Dean was surprised he could even walk with the painfully obvious erection in his pants, and he pulled his hoodie down more in an attempt to hide it as they hurried to the car. Once they were seated, Dean laughed breathlessly, starting the engine with shaky hands. "I can't believe we're doing this," he muttered, "Can't wait to put my hands on you, baby." He peeled out of the parking lot, grinning wildly and ignoring the confused stares of some students hanging out by their cars.

Castiel groaned, watching as the school vanished in the distance. He pressed his palm to his crotch, becoming painfully aroused. "Hurry," he begged, biting his lip. He gasped as the denim rubbed against his erection as he rubbed against his jeans. "Oh God," he groaned, trying to put on a show and give Dean and incentive to hurry the fuck up.

Dean watched as Cas began cupping himself and moaning, and he sped up and almost drove off the road. When they were at a place away from houses, Dean drove off the road and behind a little patch of trees, where the car would be relatively hidden from view. He turned the engine off and pushed Cas into the backseat before climbing after him and straddling his waist, grinding down against him desperately as he moaned into Castiel's mouth.

Castiel moaned as he was manoeuvred to the back seat where Dean straddled and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and his legs spread for Dean to sit between. "Fuck me," he begged, arching his back into Dean's touch. He was painfully hard and in need of Dean's attention. Needed him now. He fumbled with Dean's belt buckle, pulling his jeans and boxers down in one practised motion.

"Oh God," Dean gasped, biting Castiel's neck and tugging at his clothes with clumsy fingers, frustrated that they were still separated by layers of cloth. Dean needed skin on skin right the fuck now. The ease with which Castiel had stripped his pants made Dean even harder and he rocked against Castiel's denim clad thigh as he fumbled with the zipper of Castiel's jeans with one hand and slid a hand up to his stomach with the other hand. Once Cas was stripped of his pants, Dean groaned and tugged the neckline of Castiel's shirt to the side so he could suck at the skin on his shoulder, where it would be hidden by his shirt when they went back to school. He quickly stripped out of his hoodie and then growled in frustration. "I don't have any lube," he gasped.

Castiel managed to strip out of his remaining clothes and laid bare for Dean. "Don't care, it hasn't been that long. It won't hurt," he promised breathlessly, opening his legs a little wider. "Come on, tiger. Do it," he begged, nipping at Dean's lower lip as he ground his hips up to meet Dean's. "Fuck me. Fuck me, Dean. Fuck your whore," he whimpered.

Dean peeled off his shirt and threw it out of the way so they were both naked, and he rolled his hips down against Castiel's, rubbing their cocks together deliciously. "Jesus fucking Christ, Cas!" Dean gasped against his neck, his erection throbbing with need. He reached a hand down and swiped his finger through the pre-come leaking from their cocks and used it as lubrication to finger Cas open. It didn't take long, because Cas was still kind of loose from the last time they'd done this, and Cas was fucking begging for it. "You're so hot," he growled, "So fucking hot for me, you want me inside you, want a nice long hard fuck?"

Castiel trembled with need, moaning deliciously into Dean's mouth as he kissed him roughly. It didn't hurt that much, he was still open but the sensation of doing this without lube did make it feel rough and raw but he was too horny to care right now. He needed Dean and needed him now. "Yes. I need you," he breathed, looking up at Dean desperately. "Need your thick cock inside me," he groaned with need. His hips pushing up towards Dean roughly as he kissed him again possessively.

Dean huffed a breathless laugh that turned into a moan as Castiel rocked up against him roughly, and Dean braced his forehead on Castiel's shoulder as he lined up at his entrance and then slowly pushed into him, the friction almost painful without lube, but it felt awesome nonetheless. "I'm gonna fuck you hard," Dean promised, "And then I'm gonna fill you with my come, and then I'll finish you off with my mouth."

Castiel let out a startling cry, his legs wrapping around Dean's waist as he held on to dear life. The feeling so intense, painful yet amazing and Castiel could feel himself becoming overwhelmed. He moaned breathlessly as Dean described how he was going to touch him. His hips ground dirtily upwards against Dean, forcing him to push in further. "God, you're so hot when you're authoritative," he gasped, sucking the skin on Dean's neck hungrily.

"You like that, baby?" Dean murmured, and then gasped as Cas pushed against him and drove him in deeper. The fit and heat was perfect, and Dean pulled out and then rolled his hips forward again to push back into Cas, and he began rocking back and forth in a fast, hard rhythm. The air inside the car was warm and moist and smelled like sex, and the windows were starting to fog up slightly.

"Fuck, you feel so good," he groaned breathlessly, "So tight and hot, damn it, Cas."

Castiel groaned, squeezing his eyes shut as Dean fucked him senseless. "Yes," he moaned. "God, tiger, you feel amazing." The car rocked slightly with their movements, the seat groaning a little in protest but Castiel didn't care. He wouldn't even care if someone could see them right now he was just too into the moment. He groaned loudly, tugging Dean's hair how he knew he liked it. "Right there, Dean. Oh..fuck, you're so good."

Dean whimpered breathlessly against Castiel's shoulder, and with one hand he reached down and began to stroke Castiel in time with his thrusts. He groaned at the feeling of Castiel's hot, hard erection in his hand, and he knew he was getting close to reaching his climax. He slowed down a little, wanting to make it last longer for both of them, but the sluggish pace only made Dean's desire worse and he had to speed it up again. "Jesus fuck, Cas," He gasped as Castiel tugged at his hair.

Castiel bit his lip as Dean began pumping his cock. He closed his eyes, trying to concentrate on something else to make him last longer but then Dean slowed down only to speed up again, driving Castiel crazy. He moaned loudly, unable last any longer and came suddenly into Dean's hand. His body jerking upward, his legs tightening around Dean's waist as he made him as deep as possible. "Cum in me," he begged breathlessly.

Dean was gone. As soon as Castiel spoke those words he let himself go and cried out, pushing into Castiel as deep as he could as Cas pulled him in with his legs. He came inside Castiel and then collapsed against him, breathing hard as the came down from the high and Dean pulled out. He reached for a tissue from a box that had fallen to the floor and cleaned them up as well as he could, and then experimentally poked his finger into Castiel's opening and felt his own come inside of him. "Good thing you're not a girl, because you'd be so pregnant right now," he grinned, kissing Castiel's jaw lazily and running his teeth over the stubble there.

Castiel moaned, feeling something wet release inside him and he shuddered with want, another small wave of arousal flowing through him. He was breathing heavily as he reached for Dean's hair and ran a hand through it. "Wouldn't be such a bad thing," he shrugged, smiling softly. "Fuck, you're so gorgeous, kitten," he murmured breathlessly, kissing Dean's temple.

Dean smiled and kissed the knob of Castiel's collarbone, tracing random patterns on his skin with a light touch of his fingertip. "We should probably get back before the next class," Dean muttered reluctantly, "But I feel like everyone's gonna know we had sex. How did we suddenly become the center of attention? It's like we're famous." He laughed slightly and sighed in contentment. "I'm glad everyone knows I'm with you, it means neither of us have to suffer from annoying girls throwing themselves at us."

Castiel sighed. He didn't want to have to go back to school, not yet. He wanted a shower but the thought of walking around with Dean's cum still inside him turned him on a little more than it should have. He felt dirty for it but he loved it. He reluctantly started picking up their clothes and dressing. "Who cares what they think?" Castiel muttered. "They're just jealous you can bang your whore whenever you want," Castiel growled dirtily in Dean's ear before putting on his shirt.

Dean huffed an amused laugh. "Cas, you're so much more than a whore. I don't only like you for your body, idiot. There's other things... I think..." he teased, "You're more like a sex god. Honestly, I hope I never have to have sex with anyone else because you've ruined my expectations. He smirked and nipped at Castiel's lips before struggling to untangle himself from Cas and put on his clothes again in the confined space. He crawled back into the drivers seat and started the engine, opening the windows to get some cold fresh air inside the car to cool them down and dry the sweat from their skin.

Castiel chuckled, slapping Dean's ass as he climbed over the seats. He managed to dress and clamber over to the passenger seat and shift comfortable. He could feel Dean's cum sliding down his thigh and he shivered a little, looking over at Dean. He reached out to flatten his hair down, making it less obvious what they'd been doing before flattening down his own hair and chuckling. "Chemistry is going to be a bitch," he complained with a slight laugh.

Dean grinned as he looked at Cas. "No, it's not obvious at all that we just fucked," he said sarcastically, putting the car into drive and driving away down the road back to school. The cool air was refreshing and brushed the heat from his body, and he stuck his head out the window to let the wind blow through his hair and dry some of the sweat that had accumulated at his forehead and scalp. "Mr. Singer's gonna give us a lecture about condoms or something," Dean said with a sigh.

Castiel wrinkled his nose in horror. "As long as he doesn't mention him or Crowley I don't think I'll completely die of embarrassment." He sighed, reaching out for Dean's hand. "It's not like we're not clean. And we've never cheated on each other so we're not gonna catch anything," he shrugged, people watching as they came back up into school.

Dean nods as he pulls into the school parking lot again. Lunch period is almost over and people are starting to head back towards the school, the parking lot luckily empty of students. Dean gets out of the car and checks his reflection in the window, frowning as he fixes his wrinkled clothing and his messed up hair. "We can't make a habit of this," he said reluctantly, sighing at the obviously fucked out expression on Castiel's face.

Castiel got out the car and followed Dean's lead, fixing his hair and clothes before taking Dean's hand and walking back towards the school. "I know, kitten. I'm sorry. I just couldn't wait until when we got home. I'm a horny teenager. What else am I supposed to do," he shrugged, dipping his head to hide his face as walked through the halls. A small smile on his face.

Dean blushed and grinned secretively at Cas and then forced his expression into a casual smile, and he draped an arm over Castiel's shoulder lazily. He had a feeling they were obvious, because Castiel's cheeks were still flushed and his hair had that just-had-sex look despite their efforts to tame it down, but Dean ignored the curious looks they got as they walked down the hallway and smiled crookedly to himself.

Castiel managed to make it through the hallway and to Chemistry with Dean without too much hassle. Once they were inside, thankfully Mr. Singer wasn't in yet which gave them time to settle down. Castiel chuckled to himself as he put down his bag and sat in the corner as alway. He couldn't stop laughing, biting down on his lip and turning a little red as he shielded his body to not draw attention to himself as he stifled a laugh.

Dean stared at Cas in confusion, starting to laugh as well even though he didn't know what Cas thought was funny. "Why are you laughing?" He whispered, leaning over curiously and watching in amusement as Castiel's face turned red as he bit back the urge to laugh. He was gorgeous, face glowing with happiness and eyes bright, and Dean couldn't stop himself from gazing at him in amazement, nearly drooling.

Castiel leaned in close to Dean, wrapping his hand around his neck to keep him close as he whispered in his ear. "I can still feel you inside me, dripping down the inside of my thigh," he chuckled, his voice breathless and happy. He didn't know why it was funny. He just couldn't imagine this happening nine months ago, sitting in chemistry with another man's cum inside him like it was the most normal thing in the world. It was ridiculous, Castiel bit his lip trying to compose himself.

Dean nearly choked and slapped a hand over his mouth to stifle his surprised burst of laughter, and he dropped his head against Castiel's shoulder and laughed into his shirt. "That's disgusting!" He hissed in amusement, choking on another attack of giggles. "Disgusting, but kinda hot, actually." He couldn't believe they'd just left school to have sex in a car and then came back immediately after.

Castiel couldn't help but continue to laugh along with Dean. It was so silly. He wiped a tear from his eye as his laughter subsided and he sighed deeply. "Totally worth it," he murmured, running a hand up and down Dean's back. "It'd be hotter if I could take a shower. I feel all sticky," he complained.

"We can take a shower when we get home," he whispered in Castiel's ear, shivering slightly and leaning into the touch of Castiel's hand on his back. "If you don't like feeling sticky, that means my plans for what we were going to do with the cake are ruined," Dean joked, pouting in mock sadness. Mr. Singer walked into the room holding a stack of papers and set them down at his desk, looking a little stressed out as he struggled to organize his messy desk and find what he was looking for.

Castiel smirked at Dean, rolling his eyes. "You're so dirty," he murmured, kissing him briefly before moving away a little when Mr Singer came into class. He frowned a little. Mr Singer looked stressed. He wondered if everything was okay. After moving back into his old house, he hadn't really seen much of Crowley or Bobby. He wondered if everything was okay.

Bobby sighed and then opened his lesson book before walking up to the front lab table and finding some things for an experiment. "Quiet down, idjits," He called, and waited for everyone to stop talking before he clapped his hands together and began. "Okay, we're starting a new unit today, about cell structure and osmosis of chemicals through the membrane. Everyone come up here and take an experiment outline and get to work. Microscopes are in the cabinets under the lab tables."

Castiel looked curiously over at Dean, then back at Mr Singer. He bit his lip, waiting until they were aloud to move before asking Dean, "You think he's alright?" He went up to the front, waddling a little as his ass was a bit sore and sticky. He took an outline sheet and went back to his desk to Dean. He still wasn't sure about Mr. Singer but he supposed they'd find out soon enough so for now he focussed on the task at hand.

Dean tried to hide his grin as Castiel walked strangely up to the front of the room and then came back, but he schooled his expression into one of concern as he looked thoughtfully at Bobby. "I don't know, you think something's wrong?" He asked in confusion, "We can stop by his house later and visit maybe," Dean suggested. He shrugged and took the microscope out before reading the lab instructions. "It says we're looking at living cells from inside our cheek?" He made a face. "That sounds gross."

Castiel chuckled, sticking his tongue out at Dean. "It'll be interesting," he countered, leaning close to Dean. "You've been kissing me senseless all afternoon. We might see more than my cells inside my cheek. Good thing you didn't swallow after all, huh?" he laughed, nudging Dean with his elbow.

"I kinda wanna see what my sperm cells look like," Dean whispered playfully, "Think you can take a sample?" Dean turned on the microscope and fiddled absently with the focus knobs. He picked up a microscope slide and handed it to Cas with a smirk. Do you think they're still, like... alive? I don't know how they work."

Castiel snorted out a laugh. "Dude. I'm not putting my hand down my pants just so you can see what your stuff looks like." He placed the slide on the desk and took a swab, shoving it into Dean's mouth and collecting the moisture on his cheek and placing it on the slide and putting it under the microscope.

Dean pouted and then yelped in surprise as a cotton swab suddenly assaulted his mouth, and he made a face as Cas pulled it out. "You just raped my mouth with a cotton swab," he complained, and then smirked slightly. "Wish it was your tongue instead. And I probably have a ton of your cells in my mouth from earlier. Do you think we'll be able to tell them apart?"

Castiel rolled his eyes, adjusting the settings so they could see the cells through the microscope. Castiel hummed in thought. "I don't know, let's see." He took a clean slide and shoved a swab in his own mouth, collecting moisture from his cheek and placing it on the slide before replacing Dean's under the microscope for his.

Dean lightly pushed Cas out of the way and squinted into the lens. He adjusted the focus a little bit and then shrugged. "I don't know, your cells look pretty sexy to me." He teased, shoving Castiel's shoulder gently. "Unless those are all mine." Dean licked his lips absently and found he could still taste Castiel.

Castiel pouted when Dean pushed him out the way. "You think everything about me is sexy," he countered with a scoff of a laugh. "Probably are yours," he shrugged. "Our slides look identical." He looked around before kissing Dean briefly with a small grin. He filled in the work sheet and packed up the equipment. The bell ringing soon after. "Should we wait to talk to Bobby?" he whispered to Dean worryingly. He didn't look to good and Castiel was concerned as to what had happened.

Dean grinned in agreement. "That's because everything about you _is_ sexy." He argued against Castiel's lips, and then helped him clean up the stuff they'd used. He frowned slightly in concern and leaned close, glancing over at Bobby. He did look pretty tense and exhausted, and he hadn't been his usual self in class today. "Yeah, let's talk to him. I hope everything's okay."

Castiel nodded, waiting until everyone was out of class before heading up over to Bobby's desk. "Hey, Bobby," Castiel started off awkwardly. They were his friends but they were still in school and he didn't know how to address him. "How's it going?" he asked casually, not really knowing where to start. He looked over at Dean for help.

Dean shifted his backpack on his shoulder awkwardly an shrugged when Bobby gave them a questioning look. "Is everything okay? We just thought you looked a little off." Bobby looked between the two boys with tired affection and sadness, a weary smile hidden under his scruffy beard. "I haven't been feeling well lately," he told them after a moment, "And I went to the doctor a few weeks ago. The tests came back today." He sighed and leaned forward on his desk a little, looking at his hands. "I've got a big old cancerous tumor in my gut."

Castiel swallowed thickly, instantly reaching out for Bobby's hand and holding it over his. "Is there anything we can do?" he asked quietly, reaching for Dean with his free hand subtly behind him for support. "Help out with classes or help you grade the lower years papers or something? Anything we can do to help just let us know." Castiel knew there wasn't much he or Dean could do. It was cancer for God sake..but anyway they could make things easier he was willing to do it. Bobby had done so much for him. It was only fair he do the same.

Bobby smiled gratefully at Castiel and squeezed his hand. "Thank you, son," he said quietly, "You boys really are something else." Bobby sometimes let himself think of Dean and Castiel as the sons he never had, and he was so lucky to know them. He shrugged his shoulders and rubbed his beard. "Doc said they detected it early enough to be treated, but can't guarantee any results. I'm sure it'll be fine, I'm not too worried." Dean stepped forward, feeling like he'd been punched in the stomach. He bit his lip and joined his hand with Castiel's and Bobby's. "Even if you need help around the house or whatever, we can come over any time and help you with whatever you need."

Castiel smiled, feeling a little warm despite depressing this all was. Bobby had called him son. Not just in a casual way but a truly respected way and he felt like crying. Not even his father spoke to him with that much care. He smiled as Dean joined their hands and looked between them sadly. "You'll be fine," Castiel assured. He didn't want to think of the alternative. Bobby would never get sick. He's fine. Castiel refused to believe otherwise. He nodded in agreement with Dean and squeezed Bobby's hand a little. "We'll even play you a request out in the quad tomorrow at lunch," he teased, trying to keep the mood light.

Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel's waist and smiled slightly at his fiance's joke. Bobby chuckled and shook his head, reaching up to ruffle Castiel's hair and pat Dean on the cheek. "You're good kids," he told them proudly, "I'll think of taking up that offer. You boys sound great when you sing together, very talented." Dean's eyes grew slightly misty at the proud look in Bobby's eyes, a look that John had never given Dean. He hoped Crowley would get better and get through the horrible illness before it got the better of him, because he couldn't bear the thought of losing the man who was more of a father to him than his own dad.

Castiel smiled, watching Bobby with bright eyes and smiling with a wobbly lip. Bobby was their hero, hell more of a father than either of them had ever had. He couldn't be sick. Just couldn't. He leaned into Dean a little and let go of Bobby's hand. "Thank you," he nodded. "We'll look forward to performing for you tomorrow. You rest up now, Bobby. I don't think I can cope with an upset Crowley as well as a sick Bobby." He shuddered even at the thought. Crowley was a drama queen at the best of time. God only knows what he was like when he was upset.

Bobby chuckled softly and brushed off Castiel's concern lightly. "I'll be fine, kid. Don't worry about me, I don't plan to let this kill me. Crowley will kill me before the damn tumor does." Dean smiled at Bobby's strength and nodded. "Take care, Bobby," he said, and he and Cas slowly left the room. Once they were out in the hallway, Dean sagged against the lockers, his legs too shaky to hold him upright. "Holy shit," he muttered in shock, staring at the floor absently.

Castiel slumped with Dean once they were out of the room and rested his chin against Dean's shoulder. "I know," he breathed. He kissed Dean's neck absently, keeping his lips to the skin for a long moment before moving away. "Come on, kitten," he murmured, slipping his hand into Dean's. "Let's get home. Bobby's a fighter. He'll get through this."

Dean was still trembling a little, and he clung to Castiel's hand tighter than necessary as they walked down the hall and outside to the parking lot. When they got into the car, Dean glanced wistfully at the backseat where they'd had sex earlier, and wished they could go back in time and be unaware of Bobby's illness. "I'm scared, Cas." He admitted in a small voice. His own mother had died of cancer, and he remembered how long and hard she'd fought only to succumb to her illness in the end.

Castiel climbed in the car, having gotten a lift with Dean today. He curled up next to Dean and held him in his arms for a moment. "Shh, it's okay, honey. It's okay to be scared," he crooned, stroking Dean's hair soothingly. Castiel was scared too but he'd lost a lot of people in his life and what with his therapy he was finding it easier to handle things now. So he could afford to be strong for Dean for once. Just like Dean had been all those months ago when they first started going out. He kissed him briefly, stroking his cheek. "It's okay, kitten. He'll be okay. Like he said, they caught it early and with Crowley's money they can afford the best treatments. He'll be fine."

Dean nodded and took a shaky breath, his throat feeling tight, but he was more calm now. He closed his eyes and breathed in time with Castiel, matching his steady rhythm, and calmed down completely. "Okay," he said, "Everything's going to be fine." He started the car and began driving to Castiel's house to drop him off. When he pulled into the driveway, he hesitated. "Can I come in? I don't want to go home just yet."

Castiel watched Dean carefully the whole ride, he seemed okay now but Castiel still wasn't sure. "Of course, kitten. Take all the time you need," he murmured, kissing Dean briefly before getting out the car. His mom wasn't home yet so they had the place to themselves. Amber, now free to roam the house now that his father and brothers had left, trotted up to the front door to greet the boys, walking straight passed Castiel and rubbing up against Dean's leg with her head. "Charming," Castiel smirked, walking up the stairs to dump his bag on the floor.

Dean laughed and bent down to pick Amber up, kissing her cheek and stroking her soft fur. "Hey baby," he murmured, "Good choice in picking a favorite human. I'm flattered." He rubbed gently behind her ears and then set her down to follow Cas upstairs. He flopped down face first on Castiel's bed with a tired sigh muffled in the blanket. "I should probably do my homework," he muttered reluctantly, turning his head to the side but not opening his eyes.

Castiel rolled his eyes fondly and went over to the bed and kissed Dean's cheek. "You do that, honey. I'll go take a shower and clean myself up from earlier and then we can snuggle up and watch a movie on my laptop. Sound good, hon?" He kissed Dean again, lifting him up gently into sitting position and getting out his homework and sitting him down at the desk before kissing his cheek. "Back in a bit," he smiled before going into the bathroom.

Dean smiled gratefully up at Castiel and grabbed the front of his shirt to pull him down for a brief kiss. "Thanks, babe." He let Castiel go, and once he was sitting alone in the quiet of Castiel's room, he methodically began working on his homework, but his mind was elsewhere. He was thinking of things he didn't want to remember; The last time he'd seen his mother, watching her fade before his eyes, and he couldn't bear to see that happen to another person important to him.

Castiel spent a long time under the hot water. Giving Dean a chance to do his work without being distracted and giving Castiel as chance to scrub himself clean. It was a relief to feel clean again, once he stepped out of the bathroom in a towel and walked into the bedroom with a soft sad smile when he saw Dean's expression, deep in thought. He rested a kind hand on his cheek and looked down at him curiously. "Honey, what's wrong?" he whispered.

Dean jumped slightly when Castiel touched his face, and then he looked at him apologetically and leaned into the touch, kissing the palm of Castiel's hand gently. "Sorry," he murmured, "I'm just thinking about my mom." He'd finished his work and had been resting his head on his hands when Castiel had walked in, lost in his memories of his mother, both good and bad. He took a deep breath and cleared his mind, taking a moment to appreciate the sight of Castiel's bare skin, damp and fresh from the shower.

Castiel smiled sadly. It must have been tough, hearing Bobby go through the same thing that killed your mother. He leaned down and kissed Dean sweetly, tugging at the sleeve of his shirt. "Come on, come lie down with me," he murmured, pulling him down on the bed with him. Wrapping them both up in limbs and blankets and just holding each other. "It's all gonna be okay," Castiel whispered, kissing Dean briefly and just holding him.

Dean allowed himself to be moved to the bed, and he curled up against Cas, tucking his arms against his chest and resting his head in the junction between shoulder and neck, and he inhaled deeply the clean scent of Castiel's soap. His hair was still damp and dripped slightly on Dean's face, but he didn't care. Castiel's skin was warm and soft, his arms strong and steady around Dean, and they laid there in comfortable silence.

Castiel kept Dean in his arms for a long time, just watching him, smoothing out the worried lines in his forehead and every so often whispering endearments in his ear. He began to sing softly, kissing Dean's freckled cheek and nose tenderly between lines, then words and finally he stopped singing and kept his lips to Dean's forehead, curling around Dean and protecting him from the world and making him forget about Bobby if only for a little while.

Dean smiled softly and closed his eyes as he relaxed in Castiel's arms, feeling safe and loved in a way he hadn't when his mother was sick and hadn't been there to comfort him. Castiel smooth voice washed over him and soothed Dean into a state of deep relaxation, but he wasn't quite falling asleep. He wasn't actually tired, just stressed and anxious, but Castiel was helping in more ways than he knew. "Thanks, Cas," he breathed.

Castiel smiled softly, brushing back Dean's hair and kissing his forehead again. "It's okay, honey," he murmured, not quite sure what Dean was thanking him for. He would have done the same thing for him. He had done the same thing for him. He continued singing softly, feeling Dean relax in his arm which caused him to calm down too. They'd be okay. Always were. "You ready for auditions?" he asked quietly, changing the subject to something positive.

Dean took a deep breath, grateful for the change of subject. "I need to prepare an audition piece," he said thoughtfully, "But I already have a few ideas. What about you?" Dean nuzzled Castiel's jaw lightly, nudging against his chin with the bridge of his nose. He was excited at the possibility of being in another play, and wanted to make sure it was done right this time.

Castiel smiled, tilting his head to rub his jaw against Dean's nose. "I've got a piece ready, I just need to practise it a little more." Castiel had been working hard over the summer with Dean to get back on track. Dean with his grades and Castiel with his acting. It was really bringing him out of his shell and he wanted to give his best performance for this.

Dean smiled and closed his eyes, pressing his lips against Castiel's jaw. "Can't wait to see your audition," he murmured with a grin. "And based on our growing popularity, or should I say, fan base, I think we'll be wanted for the talent show as well. You up for that, babe?" Dean was so glad they'd found a place to belong, a group of people that welcomed them and appreciated their friendship.

Castiel grinned, he couldn't wait to see what Dean had in store either. He kissed his temple, nuzzling against it as he settled back down. "Hell yeah, I'm up for that. You were amazing last year, love," he grinned excitedly. He remembered how confident and excited Dean had made him feel up on that stage. "This time we'll be prepared. We can put in some extra effort in on what we wear and stuff. It'll be perfect."

"Thanks," Dean drawled, grinning lazily. "You weren't too bad yourself. I think we should practice more this year, maybe try some new stuff. Really surprise everyone." Last year was a surprise enough, in so many ways. Everything about Dean and Castiel was surprising to people, and they were living proof that anyone could overcome stereotypes.

Castiel nodded in agreement. "Maybe if we add some choreography or something? Make a big thing out of it," he suggested, kissing Dean's temple. "Like those music videos were everyone dances together we could totally get Meg and Lilith to help out it'd be so much fun." Castiel couldn't stop smiling everything sounded so positive for once and he could help but be happy.

Dean grinned in agreement, sitting up a little in his excitement. He looked down at Cas with a wide smile. "Dude, yes." he agreed, "That would be so awesome. We could all have similar outfits and color schemes, maybe even get some lights flashing..." Dean leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to Castiel's bare chest. "I'm really excited for this, Cas."

Castiel loved how excited Dean looked. The way his eyes lit up. He made him a little breathless. "Sounds amazing," he murmured. "Maybe we could prerecord some of the vocals and instrumentals so we can sing and dance over the top. That way I don't have to try and dance with a guitar around me." Castiel sat up a little grinning enthusiastically. "Dude, this is gonna be amazing. We can make costumes or alter our clothes as part of our home ech grade too. This will totally work."

"It'll be like a rock concert." Dean said enthusiastically, eyes roaming over Castiel's excited face. "I mean, we could even enlist some other musicians. I know Adam plays the drums and I think I heard Corbett mention he plays bass in his older brother's band...and we need a keyboardist..." He trailed off, his mind overflowing with ideas and excitement. "We're gonna be amazing."

Castiel chuckled, he loved seeing Dean like this. All happy and excited. "I think Anna's brother plays keyboard," he mused. "Oh, Dean. We'll be fantastic. I can't wait to perform again with you, love." He kissed Dean briefly, stroking his jaw as he pushed his hand up into his hair. "Auditions this week we'll be good too. Will you come see me? I was thinking of doing it tomorrow instead of Friday. I want to get it out the way."

Dean shivered slightly and his eyes fluttered closed at the feeling of Castiel's hand sliding through his hair as they kissed. When they parted Dean was slightly breathless, and he absently splayed his fingers over Castiel's stomach and side. "Of course I'll come see you, idiot," Dean scoffed affectionately. "Wouldn't miss it for the world. I can't wait to see how it goes. I'm thinking of doing mine on Friday, just because I'm a nervous wreck and want to practice a little more."

Castiel nodded, smiling as he felt the warmth of Dean's hand spread through his skin. "Thanks, honey," he said, sighing contently. "You'll be great, Dean. I just know it," he smiled brightly, kissing Dean's temple and brushing his nose against Dean's cheek. "You staying here tonight, honey?" he asked with a soft yawn.

Dean sighed and then flopped back on the bed contentedly, stretching his tired limbs. "Yeah, I don't really feel like going home. I'm not in the mood to deal with Dad's shit today, it's okay if I crash here?" He rubbed his nose lightly over Castiel's delicious collarbone, wanting nothing more than to lick and taste the skin there.

Castiel sighed, shaking his head. "That's okay. I don't really want you to leave anyway." He closed his eyes and curled up with Dean, pulling the blankets over them a little. "I'm probably gonna fall asleep soon. Just, you know, help yourself to food and stuff if you're hungry," he rambled, falling half asleep, tired from the days events.

Dean smiled softly and covered Castiel up with the blanket, since he was still only wearing a towel. He rubbed a hand up and down the lean curve of Castiel's side, admiring him with a small smile. He leaned down to kiss Castiel's shoulder. "I think I'm just gonna watch you sleep for a little while. You look so beautiful right now." He kissed Castiel's collarbone and jaw and cheek and then finally his lips.

Castiel hummed, not opening his eyes. He felt so loved and warm. By the time Dean kissed his lips they'd curved into a soft smile. "Love you," he murmured, draping an arm around Dean loosely across his waist and sighing softly. He curled up closer to Dean, trying to keep warm and breathed in his scent.

Dean reached up with one hand and gently stroked Castiel's hair, settling down on the pillow with him and gazing lovingly at his face. "I'm so lucky to have you," he whispered, more to himself than Castiel. Sometimes when Dean looked at Castiel, he felt so overwhelmed with love that he felt like crying tears of pure joy. He smiled softly and sighed, tracing the outlines of Castiel's face and peppering his face with soft little kisses before pulling back and resting their foreheads together, bodies curving together in a perfect fit.

Castiel ended up falling asleep, waking in the morning to find Dean still with him. He smiled sweetly, kissing him awake with a bright smile on his face. "Morning beautiful," he murmured, nudging his nose against Dean's jaw, pressing light kisses to the skin there. "Ready for another day of school?" he chirped, excited about his audition this afternoon.

Dean groaned half-heartedly at the mention of school, but he didn't really mind going to school anymore. In fact, he actually enjoyed it. This year was so much better than previous years of school. But still, Castiel was too perky for this ridiculous hour in the morning. "Cas," he whined, "No. Five minutes." But he leaned into Castiel's kisses nonetheless.

Castiel shook his head, practically bounding out of bed and heading for his clothes. "Honey, today's the day I've been practising for all summer. You gotta get out of bed," he beamed, picking out the outfit Dean had bought him in France. It was kinda his lucky attire now. He was changed pretty quickly, admiring himself in the mirror before nodding in approval. He leaned over Dean's leaning form and kissed him again. "Up and at 'em, kitten," he grinned, tugging at Dean to get up.

Dean yawned and halfheartedly tried to pull Castiel back into bed with him, but failed and sat up a few moments later and hummed in approval at Castiel's outfit. "You look sexy," he murmured, "Where'd you get those clothes?" Dean grinned teasingly and stood up, kissing Castiel on the back of the neck before shuffling over to the dresser and searching through Castiel's clothes. He picked out something nicer than he usually would wear; a white button up shirt and a light grey waistcoat with dark grey skinny jeans and a pair of Castiel's brown leather boots.

Castiel chuckled, swatted Dean's arm playfully. He watched as Dean dressed and wolf whistled. "Damn you look hot," he murmured, pulling Dean close for a passionate kiss. "Today is going to be good," he decided with a smirked, slapping Dean's ass before going to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face. He went downstairs to wait for Dean, grabbing an apple as he did so to take with him.

Dean blushed slightly and batted Castiel's hand away after they broke apart from the kiss. Dean finished up in the bathroom, brushing his teeth and washing his face. He fixed his hair and took a deep breath, looking in the mirror before grabbing his backpack and skipping down the stairs to join Castiel. "Ready?"

Castiel nodded, taking a bite of his apple. "You bet, kitten. God, I am so excited for today." It'd been a while since Castiel felt this good. It felt nice to be this happy again. Positive things were happening in his life and he was glad of it. They went out to the car, got in and drove to school. Castiel practically jumping in his seat nervously the whole way.

Dean grinned the entire way to school, glancing over at Cas and resting a hand on his leg. "Baby, relax!" He laughed, "You're gonna be great. Do you seriously not know how amazing you are? You're so awesome, you could literally just stand there and do nothing and you'd get cast as the lead." he joked. "Seriously though, you'll be fine. I can't wait to watch your audition."

Castiel grinned, kissing Dean sweetly. "I'm sorry. It's just..playing Rick last year was so much fun. I want to get a good part again. I feel so alive up on stage. It's unreal." They made it to school and Castiel practically bounded out of the car, running around to get Dean out and kiss him passionately. "Fuck. I love you so much," he grinned, squeezing his tight.

Dean laughed and wrapped his arms around Castiel's middle to pick him up clumsily, leaning back and lifting Castiel's feet off the ground. "You're gonna steal the show," he told Cas, "Don't be nervous, everyone loves you." They walked into school with their arms around each other and smiles on their faces.

Castiel felt so happy, like his life was one big chick flick right now. He was loving every minute of it. He managed to make it into school, his arm around Dean happily. Everyone giving them curious looks. They were both dressed rather fancily today and it might have come as a bit of a shock. Castiel smiled, causing a few smiles his way in greeting. They headed to drama, still a little early for class but sat down casually and Castiel leaned against Dean happily.

Dean kept his arm around Castiel, proud to show him off and let everyone know he was his. They both had minor jealousy issues and sometimes got territorial over each other, but it only showed how strongly they felt about each other. Once they reached the theatre, they sat down in the seats. Other students were coming in and chatting with each other, some talking about the auditions and others yawning tiredly early in the morning.

Castiel hummed, leaning his head back to kiss Dean's jaw. Eventually Mrs Harvelle came in and everyone took a seat. Castiel rested his hand on Dean's thigh casually, leaning into him slightly. Just this class then English then lunch, he thought. He composed himself, trying to keep from exploding with excitement. The play meant so much to him and Dean. He didn't want to screw things up.

Mrs. Harvelle was holding a stack of paper, and when everyone quieted down, she announced, "Today we're going to do something a little different. I want you guys to have fun with this, but also take it seriously. I've selected a bunch of scenes from a wide variety of plays, each scene representing a different conflict, relationship, emotion, or action. The scenes each have two characters and they've been taken out of context, so try to match your acting style with the time period you think the scene takes place in. The names of the plays haven't been included, but you might recognize some of the scripts. Everyone partner up and I'll come hand you a script at random."

Castiel gave Dean a look of interested look as Mrs. Harvelle handed out the papers. "Sounds like fun, love," he grinned. Mrs. Harvelle soon gave them a script and Castiel flipped through it quickly, raising an eyebrow and looking up at his drama teacher. "It's a little challenging but I think you boys can do it," she nodded before heading off hand out the rest of the scripts. Castiel hadn't heard of the play but the scene seemed interesting, he hadn't it to Dean to have a look through. "What do you think, honey?" he asked sweetly.

Dean curiously looked through the script, skimming the lines and trying to get a general feel for the scene. "Sounds depressing and angry," he commented. The characters' names were hard to pronounce and Dean had never heard of the play before, but it sounded kind of contemporary. It was a fight between a passionate couple when the woman found out that the man had been cheating on her. "Do you wanna be the girl or the guy?" Dean asked.

Castiel shrugged, "I'll be the girl." He took the script again and read through it quickly, getting the vague idea of what he had to say. He handed the script back to Dean and nodded, getting his mind set into character. "Should we do a quick run through?" he asked, looking over at Dean with a faint smile.

Dean nodded, looking around at everyone else who was already reading through the script. He realized there were two copies of it stuck together and handed one to Cas with a sheepish smile. "Okay, let's do this, chica." Dean skimmed over his lines again and attempted to get into character for the argument.

Castiel took his copy and swallowed thickly, starting the scene. His face dead panned, he stared coldly at Dean. "Where have you been?" he asked with quick irritation, head turned at an angle to keep his head high like he was not going to be dragged down because of this. His arms cross and stature tall as he took the role of Jenny.

Dean stood up and didn't meet Castiel's eyes as he acted his line, playing the part of a guilty husband afraid of being caught in the act of cheating but not wanting to admit it. "Work," he muttered, frowning and rubbing his eyes tiredly. "The midterm was last week and I've got a shitload of grading to catch up on."

Castiel scoffed, looking up at what he imagined to be the wall of their kitchen, looking up at the clock. "Until midnight?" he questioned in disbelief, folding his arms tighter across his chest. There was a pause until he asked, "Who else was there?" His tone accusing and watching Dean with challenging eyes.

Dean glanced down at his script and then stepped forward with a pleading expression on his face. "Oh, come on, baby. Don't be like that, I'm sorry I was so late, but those kids write the longest essays I've ever seen." He smiled easily and approached Castiel, wrapping his arms around him like in the script. "It's late, let's go to bed. I'm exhausted."

Castiel wrinkled his nose, pushing him away. "Is that all I am to you?!" he spat, suddenly kicking into gear. "Just some object that you expect to perform to your every need?" Castiel lip quivered as you could see him begin to break down. "What about _my _needs?! You think you can just waltz in here and pretend everything is okay?! I never see you anymore. You're always at that damn school."

Damn, Cas was a good actor. Dean barely recognized him. "Jen, you know that's not true," he protested, coming closer again and trying to wrap Castiel up in his arms. "I'm here now. As soon as the semester ends I'll be home earlier every day. I love you, okay?" He said soothingly, leaning close to try to kiss some trust back into Castiel's character.

Castiel felt sick seeing Dean like this. Only, it wasn't him. He shook his head, moving away as Dean's character tried to kiss him. "Don't lie to me," he growled, batting Dean's arms away when he kept trying to touch him. "I saw you with her," he finally admitted in a defeated whine. "Just friends, huh?" he scoffed, raising an eyebrow. "God, how could I have been so blind?" he cried, more to himself than Dean, running his hands through his hair stressfully.

Dean's heart skipped a beat, actually feeling his character's fear at being caught and thinking his character's thoughts.. "What are you talking about?" He asked, trying to sound confused and hurt. "Is this about that Sarah girl? I thought we'd already been through this, there's nothing going on between me and her. You must have seen wrong." He knew it was hopeless trying to defend himself at this point, but this was what his character did and Dean was trying to make realistic.

Castiel scoffed, sneering at Dean's character. "Oh. I'm so sorry. So, it's my fault. It's never _your_ fault," he said sarcastically, his voice high and irritated. "Now. Unless you kiss your mother that way I _know _what I saw. So don't you DARE lie to me." Castiel was towering over Dean, despite their height difference. His arms clenched in fists by his sides as he fumed, breathing heavily. "I want you out of my house," he said as calmly as he could manage despite his character's clear rage. "I will not raise this baby with a liar," he growled, Jenny's anger subsiding just a little when it clicked moments later that this was the first time she'd mentioned her pregnancy.

Dean stepped forward again and placed both hands in a firm grip on Castiel's upper arms when he spoke his lines, and then when Jenny accidentally mentioned the pregnancy his eyes widened in mixed emotions. "You.. you're pregnant?" He breathed, looking down at Castiel's stomach, which would have been funny if both of them weren't so in character right now.

Castiel batted Dean's hands away manically. "Get away from me," he demanded angrily. "Don't pretend you care. It's insulting. Just go to your whore and get out of my sight." Castiel moved away,clawing at his eyes. He didn't know why but he could really feel her emotions inside of him, causing him to move the way she would. It was a little overwhelming. His lip trembled and tears began to fall but he tried to remain strong because that's what Jenny would do. She wouldn't let her husband know he'd gotten the better of her.

Dean didn't know the context of this play and he barely knew the characters, but it looked like Jenny was really getting to Cas and Dean was amazed at his focus and precision with the character. Dean stayed still this time, staring at Castiel in shock. "Why didn't you tell me?" He demanded in a hushed voice, "Is it because it's not mine? Is it mine?!" Dean stepped forward again and grabbed Castiel's wrists, trying to get him to look into his eyes.

Castiel turned around angrily. "There's no one else," he spat. "It's you. It's always been you. How can you even think that?" he cried, feeling disgusted that this might be Dean he was talking to and not his character and that made him cry even more. "I love you, you ass," he improvised, pushing Dean by his chest.

Dean used Castiel's momentum to pull him forward against his chest and kept his arms tightly around him as he cried, not really sure where this was going. They'd both abandoned their scripts and weren't going by the lines anymore. He felt overwhelmed with his character's guilt and regret as he held Castiel close and hushed him gently. "I'm sorry," he murmured, "Baby, I'm so sorry."

Castiel gave up, feeling Jenny's sadness bring him down. He slumped in Dean's arms, still crying but less violently now. "You lied to me," he choked, looking out into nothing. "Did I do something wrong? Am I not enough?" he asked desperately for both his and Jenny's sake. He felt physically sick to his stomach and the thought of Dean ever being like this made him want to crawl into a hole and never return.

Dean held Castiel close and pressed his lips against his hair. "I'm so sorry," he repeated, "You didn't do anything wrong, it's all my fault. I fucked up and ruined everything." He drew a shaky breath and held Cas tighter. "God," he muttered, eyes tearing up. "You're so much more than I deserve. You're too good for me and I thought this could work but I freaked out and screwed it up." He took another breath. "Yeah, me and Sarah had a thing and I felt horrible about it, but I wanted you to hate me so that it would be easier."

Castiel was about to speak but found he couldn't, tears and quiet sobs consuming him. He almost didn't notice that Mrs. Harvelle was watching them intently as well as a few others who had finished their run through and were watching curiously. Castiel was long gone and Jenny taking over him he shook his head, leaning back into Dean hesitantly as if he didn't know whether he could bring himself to be hold like this again when it had been all a lie. "You're my _husband_," he sniffed. "You're supposed to be there for me. For our family. How can you expect me to trust you when you don't commit?"

"I can't," Dean whispered against Castiel's temple, "I fell in love with you the moment I met you and I trust you with my life. It's myself I don't trust, so how are you even supposed to trust me? I always screw things up. I push away everyone I love because I get scared." Dean was close to tears now, and suddenly he was aware of people watching them, and glanced over Castiel's shoulder to see Mrs. Harvelle and a group of students gathering around them, and Dean tapped Castiel's side with his hand and whispered in his ear, "Cas, you in there?"

Castiel was about to retort when Dean broke the spell. He let out a shuddery breath, nodding weakly. "Yeah, sorry," he sniffed, wiping his eyes. "I gotta bit carried away there," he chuckled lightly, feeling Jenny slip away easily but the tension and built up energy remaining. He breathed through his nose a few times before looking up at Dean with a soft yet tight smile.

Dean returned Castiel's tight smile and stepped away a little awkwardly. "Wow," he muttered, smiling slightly, "That was... pretty intense." Dean looked up at Mrs. Harvelle sheepishly and stuffed his hands in his pockets, suddenly feeling very vulnerable and shy. Mrs. Harvelle walked over to them and put a hand on each of their shoulders, and unreadable expression on her face. "What the hell was that?" She breathed, "Where did that come from?"

Castiel's face reddened, trying to run away without actually moving by dipping his head and hiding in on himself. "I'm sorry. I got carried away and I know we're supposed to stick to the script but it just took off and I don't know what happened and I'm really sorry..." he rambled, feeling vulnerable with everyone still watching them intently. He looked at Dean briefly and he looked about as awkward as he felt right now.

"I'm not angry, Cas," Mrs. Harvelle reassured, patting his shoulder and tipping her head down to meet his eyes. "I'm just surprised. I thought it was very impressive, you both really got into character. I've never seen a high schooler perform like you just did, Cas." Dean smiled proudly at him but he was still feeling a little upset from the scene, and he tried to push the character out of his mind.

Castiel blinked, looking up at Mrs. Harvelle in shock. "R-Really?" he asked in surprise. He smiled a little, excited he'd done something right. "I..thanks," he said bashfully. He bit his lip, wiping his eyes again, feeling his cheek were all sticky. It'd been really intense and he was still crying a little. Castiel didn't really know what else to say, he stood their awkwardly. He thought he could improve, that it wasn't his best but he tried not to let it get to him. It was only a practise after all.

Dean laughed slightly at Castiel's tear-stained smile, and pulled him close with an arm around his shoulder. "You okay?" He teased affectionately, "If you get all worked up like this every time, you're going to have to give me a warning. Jesus, that was good." Dean kissed Castiel's temple and hugged him, trying to help him calm down. "It was kind of scary, actually. Like you weren't even there, like you were possessed."

Castiel leaned into Dean and wrapped an arm around his waist. He sighed and felt the tension leave him. "Sorry, honey. I can't help it," he shrugged with a smile. "When you give as good as performance as that you just inspire me to do better. I can't let you make me look bad," he grinned, kissing Dean's jaw. "It's certainly given me something to think about for my audition this afternoon."

Dean grinned shyly. "What are you talking about, you were amazing. You made _me_ look bad." He rubbed Castiel's arm a few times and then led him back over to the seats to sit down in the first row and watch the other people acting their lines. "I'm really looking forward to seeing it," he murmured, "I'll be sitting right in the front and when you're done you can leap gracefully off the stage into my arms and I'll catch you."

Castiel snorted and imagined the many ways that would go wrong. He shook his head and leaned into Dean as they sat down watching others. "How about I just walk off stage and snog your brains out," he purred in his best English accent, grinning widely. He kissed Dean's jaw and sighed, finally calming down and his body no longer trembling. They watched everyone else for a while, and as usual, Ruby knocked it out of the park. Next was English and Castiel groaned. "I just want it to be lunch already," he complained as they walked through the halls.

Dean grinned suggestively and nipped at Castiel's lips. "That sounds much safer and a lot more fun," he murmured in agreement. He applauded Ruby and her partner enthusiastically when they did their scene. When it was time to go to English, Dean sighed tiredly and shuffled his feet. "I wish we were allowed to sit by each other," he complained. The teacher had quickly gotten tired of their constant flirting which sometimes disrupted class, mostly Dean's fault, and had resorted to moving them to sit at opposite corners of the room.

Castiel pouted, "I know, honey. It's just for an hour." He'd warned Dean to be more careful in class but he was so flirtatious and energetic, it was hard not to hear him in the silent room. Castiel kissed him deeply before going into the class and reluctantly sitting in the other corner, making puppy eyes over at Dean teasingly, resisting the urge to make the sad puppy noises too, but only just.

Dean licked his lips and made a sexy face at Cas across the room in retaliation, to the amusement of the people sitting between them, and then Dean drew a heart in the air and pretended to blow it to Cas. He knew he was being an idiot, but he didn't care. People in the class were used to Dean and Castiel's shenanigans by now and rolled their eyes in amusement.

Castiel chuckled, pretending to catch the heart and hold it over his heart, making a love-struck face. He knew it was silly but it made English more fun if they were being ridiculous. He was about to blow Dean a kiss back but the teacher then walked in at that moment so he just settled for a wink and went to face the front. Unfortunately, the teacher had still seen this and decided to call on Castiel 'for not paying attention' despite the lesson having not started. Castiel just rolled his eyes, picking up his work and going to the front to read out his assignment. Although, he didn't think the teacher would like it because he'd written a poem about Dean. There was something about Mr. Johnson that he didn't like about him and Dean but he just found it funny.

Dean made a face at Mr. Johnson's back when he wasn't looking and earned a muffled snort from the girl beside him, and then Dean pulled an innocent face when the teacher turned around and listened as Cas read his assignment out loud to the class. Dean blushed deeply and grinned into his hand when he realized the poem was about him. Sometimes it was embarrassing how much of a cutesy cheesy couple they'd become, but Dean loved it.

Mr. Johnson scowled at Castiel. He wasn't even trying to hide how annoying he found them but there was nothing he could do about it. Castiel had structured his poem and filled the criteria of the assignment so he hadn't technically done anything wrong. He grinned and winked at Dean when he went back to his seat. He got a few giggles at that. They were so pathetically over the top but Castiel loved every moment of it. He was finally happy.

Dean rose his eyebrows at Mr. Johnson. The asshole hated him and Cas for some reason, but Dean didn't really care. Dean was a little worried about their grades, and wondered if he and Cas should tone it down a little bit in English to save their grades and get off the teacher's bad side, but he realized he barely even cared. They were seniors, last year in high school, and senioritis had hit Dean hard even though it was still early in the year.

Castiel shrugged, sitting back in his seat. He didn't really care. He'd done what was asked of him. He couldn't put his grade down just because it was a poem about his fiancé. He sighed, sitting back in his seat whilst he listened to a girl recite her poem at the front of the class. English was slow and took a while but once it got going the hour was soon up. Castiel sighed with relief, practically jumping Dean once they were out the room. Some girl rolled her eyes and chuckled, "Can't you go too seconds without being with each other?" Castiel shot her a grin and shook his head. "Nope." He kissed Dean again as proof and took his hand, "Lunch!" he exclaimed.

Dean stumbled when Cas practically threw himself at him, and wrapped both arms around him to keep them both upright as they made their way through the crowded halls. They stopped by the music room to grab a guitar and then headed outside to the tree, and Dean smiled as he remembered when he first saw Castiel sitting here alone at this tree, playing his guitar and tuning out the world.

Castiel blinked, watching as Dean led them to the tree and he chuckled. "What are you doing?" He shook his head, guiding them back the way. "It's lunch, idiot. I've got my audition. We can play for Bobby in a bit. I need to do this first." He led them into the main hall and gave Dean the guitar and kissed his cheek, "Wish me luck." He ran backstage to set up his act and get ready.

Dean frowned in confusion and then blushed. "I thought you were going after school?" He asked, feeling like an idiot, and then shrugged. "Sorry. You'll be great, Cas." They went to the stage and Dean sat in the audience excitedly, wondering what Castiel had in store.

( watch?v=aJ9aNcin0v0)

Castiel was backstage with the kid who played Bernado last year and had asked him to help him out by playing Anthony, the young man in the song at the beginning. Castiel stepped out on stage and stood in front, centre stage. The kid just stood to the side of him to start him off. Castiel started off by introducing himself. "M-My name's Castiel and I'm auditioning for the part of Sweeney Todd." He swallowed thickly. He and Dean hadn't actually discussed who they were auditioning for but Castiel really wanted to go all out and try it. He'd been practising really hard all summer and thought just maybe he might be in with a shot. Not that he would mind a different part. He just wanted to see if he was capable. The music started and Castiel began to sing, his voice rough and heavily accented. Through the song he showed a range of emotions as he told his tale to the audience, once again become consumed by the emotional state that the character was in. His body language and facial expression taut and gloomy from the years of physical and emotional distraught the character had been through. Castiel, once again gone and replaced with Sweeney Todd, the demon barber who turned people into pies. Despite how emotional the song was he didn't cry this time. Didn't need to. Todd was strong and brave. The only time he appeared vulnerable was when he spoke of his wife. So that's what Castiel did, concealing his emotions back up once he went back to singing about London. The song ended and Castiel nodded before walking off the stage and down to see Dean.

Dean watched excitedly as Castiel began his audition, a somewhat dark song from the musical that had sad undertones, and Castiel performed it amazingly. Castiel's voice was strong and confident and his face and body language portrayed many emotions throughout the song, and he was telling story through the music. He was the character, and Dean watched, transfixed. He couldn't imagine anyone else playing the part of Sweeney Todd. When Castiel finished his audition and came over to Dean, he grinned and stood up to give him a hug. "You were amazing, babe," he murmured into Castiel's hair, and then backed away to meet his eyes. "You're gonna be famous someday, whether you want to or not. You're talented, Cas."

Castiel blushed, leaning into Dean's embrace. "Thanks, honey. That means a lot to me." He wondered whether Dean was just saying that or he generally though Castiel would be able to make it in this profession. Either way it didn't matter. As long as he had fun. He took a deep breath, still a little shaken from his performance. "You ready to go sing for Bobby?" he murmured, wrapping his arm around Dean's waist and leading them back outside, taking the guitar from his fiancé and held it in his free hand.

Dean smiled and mirrored Cas, wrapping an arm around his waist in return as they walked outside. Dean's heart sank a little as he thought of Bobby, but he nodded firmly. "Yeah, let's do it. It might cheer him up a little." Dean really hoped Bobby would be okay, because he couldn't bear to lose another parent figure to cancer. And not to mention Crowley losing his husband. Dean took a deep breath and forced himself to stop being a pessimist and letting his thoughts go out of control.

As they walked outside, Castiel noticed word had spread of their little jamming session. He blamed Meg for that as she grinned innocently at them. Castiel rolled his eyes and squeezed Dean's side lightly. "You okay, honey?" he whispered as he saw his other half breathing a little faster than usual. He kissed him briefly for support, understanding what was wrong once he caught sight of Bobby. He gave him a subtle nod as he set up his guitar. "Did Bobby give us somethin' to sing?" he asked Dean, ready to go.

Dean forced a smile at Cas and kissed his cheek. "Yeah, I'm fine," he whispered, eying the crowd that had gathered and was waiting for them. It was weird how they'd become so well-known among the students, but Dean was getting used to their sudden popularity and actually enjoyed it because it meant he and Cas were getting praised and recognized for their talents and their true selves rather than trying to be cool and changing the way they were to fit in. Dean spotted Bobby and smiled at him and then turned to Cas with a shrug. "He didn't say anything but I've got a few ideas. You wanna start with 'Stand By Me'?"

Castiel bit his lip, nodding as he began to play. He played softly and quietly, his fingers barely brushing over the strings as he kept the basic rhythm for Dean to sing above. He looked over at Dean worryingly. He looked so different. He knew why. This was a difficult subject for him. They only talked about it a few times and even then Dean could barely speak about it. Hopefully expressing himself through music would help him stay strong and express himself better than any words could.

The group of students settled down as Castiel began to play, and a hush fell over them as they waited for Dean to sing. He closed his eyes and began singing the song. As the melody progressed, he opened his eyes and looked out at the casual audience, and he met Bobby's eyes and gave him a meaningful, kind smile. Bobby's eyes were warm and slightly misty as he stood among the students in his trademark flannel shirt and a canvas jacket on top, hands in his pockets.

Castiel looked subtly at Bobby too, giving him a warm smile. He didn't want to bring attention to him. This was clearly a private thing he didn't want being spread around but it was enough that he knew they were singing for him. Even if no one else knew. He looked back at Dean and gave him an encouraging smile, nodding along to the beat as he continued to play. Some people looked a bit confused, this wasn't their general style of music but they seemed to just go with it anyway.

Dean blushed and smiled shyly as the song came to a finish and people applauded them, and he stepped a little closer to Castiel and leaned in to whisper, "What song should we do now?" Dean absently tapped his nail against the side of Castiel's guitar and glanced around at the audience. Bobby was watching them with a fond smile on his face, a smile John hadn't given him in a very long time.

Castiel hummed, shrugging softly. "Since You've Been Gone by Theory of a Deadman?" he suggested casually. He looked around and saw Ruby sitting with Sam and he gave them a nod and a smile. It was good to see they were still getting along fine. He liked to see his brother happy. Sam was family now. He meant the world to him. If he wasn't happy. Castiel wouldn't be either.

Dean spotted Sam and Ruby too and waved at them with a wide grin, causing Sam to smile and wave back casually, and Dean laughed at the image of his geeky brother attempting to be cool. "Look at his face," he murmured to Cas, "The only reason he's that pleased with himself his because he's related to us." He turned to Castiel and patted his back once before stepping away slightly to give him room to play. "Hit it," he said with a grin.

Castiel laughed, punching Dean's arm playfully as he stepped away. He set up the beat as he got into the rhythm, strumming the strings lively and tapping his foot. He watched their audience curiously as they practically ate up every word and note that left their mouth and fingers. This gave Castiel confidence that they'd kick ass at the talent show for sure.

Dean nodded along to the beat of the song and started singing, smiling at Cas and growing more confident, looking out at the audience, who appeared transfixed and awed by their music. A few more people wandered over curiously and started to watch them. Dean loved this song; it was both sweet and sad at the same time, and Dean made his voice a little rougher for the song, but it already suited his voice perfectly. Castiel's simple strumming turned more complicated as the song progressed, and they performed together beautifully.

Castiel played 'til his hearts content, almost messing the song up by not stopping when he was supposed to but he made it work. He was just too enthralled by the music to have the strength to stop. He blushed, looking over at Dean with a small smile. He tugged on his hand, bringing him closer for a short kiss. "You wanna keep going or do you wanna go get some pie?" he asked, leaning close to Dean with a suggestive smile. "I'll let you lick the whipped cream off my fingers."

"Sounds like you've already made your decision, baby," Dean murmured teasingly into Castiel's ears. "I kinda feel like doing pie." Despite being more comfortable and enjoying performing with Castiel more, Dean still felt a little shy at all the attention and kind of wanted some alone time with Cas and it wasn't fair that he was being tempted with pie and licking whipped cream of Castiel's fingers. "Pie it is, then." He said with a nod, and then smiled out at the crowd. "Thank you," he said to everyone.

The crowd looked a bit disappointed but Castiel just laughed it off. They'd stand there all day if they could, Castiel mused. He laced his fingers with Dean's and led him to the canteen to get some pie, making sure it came with extra cream. He sat down with Dean in the corner where they'd come that first day. Castiel smiling at how awkward he'd been. He kissed Dean's cheek as he sat opposite him, placing the guitar down by the side of the table.

Dean looked around and smiled in amusement. "Remember the time I followed you up here and practically forced you to eat the food I bought you, and then people gave us weird looks and you ran out and left me hanging?" They didn't come to the canteen that often, spending most of their lunch periods either outside by the tree when the weather was nice or inside in the music hall or art rooms.

Castiel hummed in remembrance. "I'm sorry I left you," Castiel murmured, taking a small bite of the pie. "I felt bad about that but you were a little full on." Castiel fed Dean piece of pie, leaning over the table to place the fork to Dean's lips and feed him. Something intimate that made Castiel smile a little as he took a bite himself before putting the fork on the plate.

Dean hummed in appreciation as he ate the pie Castiel offered him, reaching over the table to hold Castiel's hand tenderly. "I can't really blame you," he commented, "I would be scared too. Although I'm not sorry for pursuing you, because look where it got me." He picked up the fork and stole another bite of the pie and then dipped his finger in the whipped cream and held it up to Castiel's lips with a soft smile.

Castiel smiled softly, wrapping his lips around Dean's finger and sucking off the cream slowly. He pulled back, eyes still fixed on Dean's and he chuckled slightly, licking his lower lip. "I'm glad you did too. I would never have known how close I was to true happiness and would have passed with my brother and you'd be alone with all those assholes you used to call friends."

Dean watched as Castiel's mouth closed over his finger and sucked slowly, tongue swirling around the tip of his finger to lick all the cream off. How was it possible that such a simple thing could make Dean feel like shoving Castiel against the wall and kissing him senseless? He smiled softly and took another bit of pie. "I think we were meant to be together."

Castiel grinned, "I think so too." He took the fork, his fingers brushing over Dean's. He took another bite of pie, getting cream on his fingers, he licked them clean and smiled softly over at Dean. "This is some good pie," he commented happily, picking up the last piece and feeding Dean it with his fingers.

Dean eagerly ate the last piece out of Castiel's hand and swiped his tongue over his fingers. He didn't even care if people thought they were being gross. "So, my birthday's coming up," he said suggestively with a smirk, "You gonna bake me a pie and make sweet, hot love to me?" Dean had almost forgotten about his birthday. It was next Friday, and he was sure glad it wasn't a school night.

(Should we make Dean be turning 18.. because it doesn't make sense for a 19 year old to be in high school? i don't know?dfjfkgsdf)

(Yeah..that would make more sense haha)

Castiel smiled as Dean licked his fingers clean before he moved his hand away. "You're just gonna have to wait and see," Castiel chuckled. "I've got you something special." Castiel had been working on it over the summer in secret. He hoped Dean would like it. He picked up the plate and moved it to the side so they had space to rest their hands in front of them and entwine them lazily.

Dean grinned and played with Castiel's fingers. "I'm excited to see it, baby." Castiel's hands were sticky and wet with pie but Dean didn't care. It was a lot cleaner than other stuff they'd been sticky and wet with before. "It's the big 18, Cas. I will legally be an adult." He said happily, squeezing Castiel's hands in excitement. "Sam wants to throw me a party and invite lots of people, but Dad doesn't agree and wants to just have a small family thing. I think we're gonna do Sam's idea, I don't care what Dad thinks."

Castiel smiled excitedly. "I'm sure whatever you do will be great," Castiel hummed, moving their entwined hands so he could kiss Dean's knuckles tentatively. "If it's not...I'm sure I can find a way to make it up to you," he smirked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. He let go of Dean's hand and sighed. "I can't believe you're turning 18."

Dean huffed and blushed slightly when Cas kissed his hand. "Yeah, now my expectations are set too high so whatever you do is definitely going to be awesome." He said, winking at Cas. "I'm old enough to go to strip clubs now," he said teasingly, "Wanna give me a private striptease? I'd rather see you working the pole than a girl covered in glitter and makeup."

Castiel chuckled. "I'm not legal yet," he reminded, batting Dean's hand playfully. "You're just gonna have to wait, honey," he smirked teasingly. He reminded himself to look into the dance moves for a striptease. He wanted to impress Dean with his dancing skills. "Maybe we can celebrate my birthday together this year," Castiel smiled excitedly.

Dean grinned and shrugged. "Whatever, we can sneak you in. No big deal," he joked, and then nodded in agreement. "Hell yeah, we're celebrating your birthday together. I've already got some ideas," he said suggestively, excited at the fantasies he could fulfill for Castiel on his birthday.

(When should Castiel's birthday be?)

(I was thinking if they've been going out 9/10 months..Castiel's should be in two months or so? 'Cause then it'll be around the time when they first met and he didn't want to mention it because he was still uncertain about Dean and didn't want to bring it up.)

Castiel chuckled, blushing a little. "I'll look forward to it," he murmured with a warm smile. He pressed his lips against Dean's knuckles again and sighed softly. "I love you," he sighed happily, a warm, soft smile stretching across his lips. "This is going to be a good year," he nodded happily.

Dean smiled and leaned over the table to press a soft kiss to Castiel's lips. "It already is a good year," he said, "Because I get to spend it with you." Dean had never felt more optimistic and happy about anything in his whole life. It was their last year of high school and even though it had only just begun, everything had been going well and Dean was really looking forward to the future for the first time in his life.

Castiel smiled, rubbing his thumb over Dean's hand. "You're so cheesy," he giggled but blushed all the same. He loved their sappy romantic moments. They were silly yet loving and just the perfect amount of playfulness to make Castiel feel warm and happy. To wake up with Dean gave him a reason to keep going. To get to keep living with this perfect human being. Castiel was the luckiest guy in the world.

"Oh, don't pretend you don't love my cheesiness," He scoffed lightly, grinning at Cas. "Almost time to go to science," he said with a sigh. On the plus side, they'd get to see Bobby and see what he thought of their little performance outside, and they could ask him how he was doing and wish him well.

Castiel chuckled, smile faltering a little when Dean said it was time for lessons again. He nodded and stood up, picking up the guitar and lacing his hand with Dean's casually as they walked to class. They got their a little early and Castiel was gratefully so they could talk to Bobby quickly first. "Hey, how're you doing?" Castiel smiled to Bobby, letting go of Dean's hand shyly. "Did you like the show?"

Bobby smiled at both of the boys and nodded. "You two are really somethin' else," he said to them, "Thank you for that. It meant a lot to me, boys." He paused and rubbed a hand over his beard. "I feel okay, for the most part. They're gonna start me on radiation therapy and see if that'll take care of it, but if it doesn't work then I'm gonna have surgery to cut it out of me." Dean bit his lip worriedly and tried not to look too scared.

Castiel gave a sad smile, nodding in understanding. He looked over at Dean and bit his lip anxiously. "Well if there's anything we can do, just let us know," he said, turning his attention back to Bobby. He was about to say something else when other students started coming in and Castiel shared a look with Dean before heading to the back and taking his seat.

"Thanks, boys." Bobby said with a soft smile. "Don't worry about me, I'm sure I'll be fine," he reassured them quietly as the other students entered the room, and then Dean and Cas went to the back of the room to their seats. Dean didn't say anything but simply held Castiel's hand, noticing that Cas looked as anxious as Dean felt.

Castiel didn't say anything. Just gave Dean what he hoped was a reassuring smile and squeezed his hand lightly. This was bad. They'd been having fun earlier and in the space of five minutes their world had been turned upside-down again and reality kicked back in. This sucked. Why did Bobby have to be ill? It was tearing everything apart.

Dean couldn't stop looking at Bobby, studying him for any visible signs of sickness. Other than a strained, tired look to his face, he looked perfectly normal, but that didn't make Dean feel any better. Inside him, where nobody would see, was a cancer that could possibly take Bobby's life, and Dean couldn't bear to think about what would happen if it did. "Wanna stop by their house after school and make dinner for them or something?" Dean suggested helplessly. He didn't know what to do.

Castiel watched as Dean tortured himself, watching Bobby and everything he did. Castiel smiled sadly. "Okay, honey. Sounds great," he whispered, kissing Dean's jaw where he knew he was tender in a small hope to make him feel anything other than sadness. He didn't know how to handle this. Dean was always the one to comfort him. Castiel wasn't good at that. All he could do was be there for Dean and Bobby but he didn't actually know what to do to help.

Dean turned to Cas with a small smile and closed his eyes, inhaling his scent to calm him down. "Thanks," he whispered against Castiel's neck, and wrapped his arms around him to give him a gentle kiss on the lips. "We could make some fancy French food or something, I know you're a good cook."

Castiel blushed and nodded happily. "Sounds great," he whispered back. He wrapped an arm around Dean and rested his cheek on the other's shoulder. They must have looked odd sitting like this in class but he couldn't care less. Besides, they were sat at the back. It's not like everyone could see them.

When the bell went to signal the start of class, Bobby stood up and walked around his desk to sit on top of it casually. "Instead of a lab today, I have a video about genetics that I think you'll find interesting." He turned the lights off and then pointed the remote at the projector, and the documentary started playing on the screen in the dark room. Dean sighed and leaned against Castiel. He loved watching movies in class.

Castiel was grateful for the movie. He was in no mood for actual work but then that just reminded him that Bobby probably wasn't up to it either. Castiel began to worry just how drained and tired Bobby really was and whether he was telling them the whole truth about being 'fine'.

Dean relaxed more as the calming voice of the narrator washed over him and he watched the video absently, but he noticed Castiel was tense beside him. He slipped an arm around his waist and kissed his shoulder, rubbing his back slowly. Bobby was sitting at his desk now and working on something on his computer, and the light of the computer made him look pale.

Castiel relaxed a little in Dean's arms. His head resting on Dean's shoulder and his hands dangling over Dean's thigh and stroking absently as they watched the video. He was worried about dinner. What would they do? Do they just pretend like nothing happened. Everything's normal. Did Crowley know? He was away on business a lot. Maybe he didn't know yet. What if he did. Who would he react? Everything was a mess. He just wanted everything to be okay.

Dean glanced at Castiel's face and could tell he was deep in thought and worried, and he wondered if Castiel had as many unanswered questions about Bobby as he did. Dean kissed Castiel on the cheek and then closed his eyes, resting his forehead against Castiel's temple and just breathing. Everything would be okay. Medical technology was more advanced now, and they had ways of fixing this type of thing.

Castiel closed his eyes, relishing in the feel of Dean so close to him. He needed that support right now and he was guessing Dean did too. He heard a small click from in front of him and opened his eyes curiously. Some kid, Harry, he thought his name was, had his phone held up in front of him as he giggled. Putting two together Castiel realized he'd taken a photo of them asleep in class and he scowled in annoyance, throwing his pen at him and hissing at him to cut it out.

Dean jolted awake suddenly and nearly banged his head on the desk as Castiel moved, and he opened his eyes and squinted around in confusion, blushing as he realized they'd fallen asleep in class. He looked guiltily at Bobby, but he hadn't noticed the small commotion. Harry stifled a laugh and held up his hand in an apologetic gesture. Dean rolled his eyes and sighed.

Castiel held his scowl for while longer before turning to Dean with a small huff. Harry was now on his list. Not that he had one but if he did it'd be a piece of paper with his name on it. The douche. Wasn't it clear they weren't looking so good? Dean looked worried and stressed. Taking photos of him asleep in class wasn't helping. Castiel ran a hand through Dean's hair and pulled him close to press a chaste kiss to his jaw.

Dean leaned into the kiss, still glaring in annoyance at the back of Harry's head. A few other students nearby had seen the exchange and were eying them curiously, but nobody said anything and Dean was grateful for it. Harry was just an asshole idiot and everyone knew it. Class was almost over and people began to quietly pack up as they anticipated the bell.

Castiel closed his eyes again, waiting for the bell to ring. He just wanted to go already. Get this dinner over with because he could already to tell it was going to be painful and awkward. He just wanted to go to bed with Dean and resurface when all of this blew over and Bobby was better. But they couldn't. They had to be there for him and Castiel had to be there for Dean too.

When the bell rang, Bobby stood up and switched the lights on, smiling slightly at all of his students as they filed out of the classroom. Dean hung back and decided it would be a good idea to at least let Bobby know they were coming over. "Hey, would it be alright if Cas and me came over to your house tonight and made dinner for you and Crowley?" Bobby's expression softened. "That's very kind of you boys, but you don't have to." Dean insisted, "We want to." And Bobby smiled and nodded.

Castiel hung back with Dean, squeezing his hand and sighing softly. He nodded when Dean asked about dinner and smiled over at Bobby. Once it was all agreed, Castiel headed over to Dean's car to catch a ride home. Thinking they could both use a little cheering up, Castiel grabbed Dean and pushed him gently against the car, kissing him breathless. His hands dragging against the back of his neck as he tried his best to make Dean feel better.

Dean moaned slightly and kissed Castiel back just as enthusiastically, clutching at his hair and tugging lightly. When they pulled apart, Dean was panting for air and smiling dazedly. "That was surprising," he breathed, and then nosed at Castiel's jaw and kissed his neck. "Let's go home and start looking at recipe books. I basically just pimped you out for your cooking skills."

Castiel chuckled, pecking Dean's lips again briefly. "As long as you don't pimp me out for anything else," Castiel smirked, kissing Dean again. "Cause I'm all yours, tiger," he murmured playfully. He walked around the Impala and got into the passengers seat, smiling happily and figuring out what he'd cook for them all at Crowley's.

Dean rolled his eyes fondly and shoved Castiel's shoulder. "I wouldn't dream of it," he said defensively, but then pretended to be thinking it over and he looked Castiel up and down. "Well, I could get some good money off you..." he teased playfully, and then grinned and kissed Castiel as he settled into the driver's seat.

Castiel chuckled, pushing Dean away playfull and snorted. "You so much as try and I'll tell everyone at school that you have a huge girl crush on Charlotte Church," he giggled, leaning against the side of the car and looking out the window as they drove to his house.

Dean grinned and shook his head. "Dude, no. You're way hotter than her, nobody would even believe it. Nice try." He drove to Castiel's house and pulled into his driveway easily after having done it so many times. "How much time do you think we'll need to make dinner for them?" He asked thoughtfully, trying to plan out when they should go to Bobby and Crowley's house.

Castiel blushed, smiling happily as they made it to his house. "Um, we'll leave in an hour or so. That should give me enough time to get everything together. And it's Wednesday so my mom's out anyways so I guess we'll just go on without her." Castiel made his way inside and pulled out a French cuisine cookbook, looking through the recipes for stuff they could make.

Dean nodded absently and wandered around the kitchen, lazily pulling open drawers and cupboards and looking for a snack. He settled on some trail mix he found in the cupboard and grabbed a handful to much on as he wandered over to peer at the recipe book over Castiel's shoulder. It was in French and many of the recipes looked complicated.

Castiel rolled his eyes when he saw what Dean was eating. "Dude, we're gonna have dinner soon," he scolded lightly. He flipped through the book, some of the recipes were in French and were pretty complicated but Castiel found a simple enough one with chicken and fancy herbs. "Perfect. Just get the stuff then we'll head over," Castiel said, looking through the ingredients then picking them out of the cupboards and refrigerator

Dean smirked and shoved another mouthful of trail mix into his mouth. "I'm a growing boy," he protested, "I'm always hungry." He eyed the recipe and then found some ingredients on the list and put them into a plastic grocery bag. "That chicken looks amazing," he commented, looking at the picture of the chicken. Once they had everything gathered, Dean carried the bags out to his car and set them in the back seats.

Castiel rolled his eyes when Dean left without the actual chicken. He chuckled, taking it out the fridge and following him out to the car. "Idiot," he muttered affectionately, putting it in the back seat along with everything else and sitting in the front seat with Dean. He squeezed his hand briefly, hoping Dean would be okay with this dinner. It was a tricky subject for them all. He just hoped things wouldn't be too awkward.

Dean shrugged easily and stole a kiss before starting the car and driving to Crowley and Bobby's house. The closer they got the more anxious Dean became. He didn't know what they were going to be greeted with when they arrived, and he hoped that Bobby wasn't just accepting this to be polite. The last thing Dean wanted to do was intrude into their home, but he wanted so desperately to help.

Once they got to their house, Castiel leaned over and kissed Dean deeply, trying to convert some of his strength into Dean. "It'll be okay, kitten," he murmured, stroking Dean's cheek before moving to get out the car to get the stuff from the back of the car. Crowley greeted them at the door, having seen them pull up. "And how are destiel doing?" Crowley smirked. Castiel groaned. "Please don't call us that. It's bad enough when the girls at school do it."

Dean smiled gratefully at Castiel as they got out of the car and then walked up to the house with the food. "Destiel," Dean commented in amusement, pulling Cas in for a playful side hug and pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Oh, come on Cas. It's not that bad." Bobby came to the door behind Crowley and rested a hand on his back. "Well, you gonna let them in or not?" He muttered to his husband with a fond smile.

Castiel rolled his eyes, muttering something incoherent under his breath. Crowley smiled over at Bobby, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him to the side to let the boys in. "Of course, pet," Crowley nodded, smiling happily. Crowley wasn't one to show his true emotions. Even now he refused to show that what was happening to Bobby was killing him inside but Castiel knew. He could see it in his eyes, even if he denied it. It was there.

Once they were inside the house, there was a tense moment of silence before Dean held up the bags awkwardly and smiled shyly. "We're making dinner," he announced, as if it weren't obvious, "Something French and delicious. Cas knows more about it than I do." Bobby smiled softly and led the boys into the kitchen. Dean set the bags down on the counter.

Crowley followed on behind, letting Castiel step into the kitchen first and place the rest of the food on the counter, beginning to take it out and look around for pots and baking trays. Crowley rested a hand on the small of Bobby's back and smiled at the boys. "We'll just leave you to it then. Come on, pet. Why don't you and I go down to the wine cellar to find something to accompany our dinner?"

Dean smiled timidly at Crowley and nodded as the two adults began to walk away, and he exhaled slightly when he and Castiel were alone in the kitchen. "Okay," he murmured, "This is a little awkward, we're supposed to be cheering them up but I don't know if it's working," He felt a strong sympathy for them.

Castiel relaxed visibly once Bobby and Crowley left. He gave Dean a small smile, putting the potatoes into a pot to boil. "I think it is," Castiel argued softly. "They're just going through a lot right now. It's taking them enough effort to pretend everything is okay. We can't expect them to show how they feel about something as simple as dinner. It's too much to process."

Dean sighed and moved to stand beside Castiel at the stove. "I hope you're right," he whispered, "I just want everything to be okay. I know it's still early and everything but I keep thinking of everything that could happen and I'm actually really scared, Cas." Admitting these things wasn't easy but it was a relief to get them off his chest and he knew Cas would understand. Dean had always been pessimistic and paranoid.

Castiel listened to Dean as he poured out his heart and soul to him. He'd just prepared the herbs, covering the chicken in them and a little oil before putting it in the oven to cook. He turned around, wrapping his arms around Dean's waist and pecking at his lips. "I know, kitten. And I'm here for you. Just like we're here for Bobby. It'll all be okay, Dean," he murmured, smiling sadly at Dean.

Dean nodded and stirred the potatoes absently in the boiling water. He forced himself to think of happier things, like Castiel's birthday present. That caused a small smile to ghost his features and he ducked his head to hide it from Cas and avoid questions. They continued to prepare the meal and Dean set the table before going back over to Cas and hugging him from behind and pressing a soft kiss to his neck. "How long will that take to cook?" He asked.

Castiel watched Dean sadly, he wished he could make it better. They were young. They shouldn't have to deal with this. He leant back into Dean's touch when he finally stopped trying to busy himself with other things. "About half hour," he shrugged, tilting his head back to capture Dean's lips in a tender kiss.

Dean grinned and kissed Castiel back just as softly before walking over to the kitchen radio and turning it to a soft rock station at a low volume. A kind of slow song was playing and Dean smiled at Cas and took his hand to lead him into a slow dance. He pulled Cas close to him and held one of his hands and placed his other hand on the small of Castiel's back.

Castiel chuckled as Dean held out his hand expectantly. Taking the other's hand, they fell into a comfortable slow dance. Their bodies accustom to one another worked in sync after many practises. Castiel rested his cheek against Dean's and his spare hand resting loosely on Dean's shoulder. He hummed along softly to the music, his eyes sliding shut as he let the music wash over him.

They danced wordlessly for several minutes, and Dean was unaware that they were being watched until he heard a pointed cough and he glanced to the kitchen doorway to find Bobby standing there with an amused little smile. He was holding a bottle of wine and placed it in the refrigerator so it would be cold for when they opened it. "Don't mind me," he muttered as he walked by, and Dean blushed and hid his face in Castiel's shoulder.

Castiel froze, glancing over his shoulder to see Bobby standing their. He chuckled a little at Dean's embarrassment and kissed his temple tenderly. He waited until Bobby had left again before twirling them a little to get Dean into position and pressed him against the kitchen counter with a smirk. "Hey there gorgeous," he murmured, stroking Dean's cheek.

Dean eyed Castiel suspiciously as he pinned him to the counter. "Hey yourself," he retorted with a matching smirk. "Am I spending the night at your place again?" he asked in a quiet voice with a suggestive wink. It seemed like he and Sam practically lived at Castiel's house lately, now that all of Castiel's brothers were out and John had pretty much shunned Castiel after he found out about the engagement.

"That depends," Castiel murmured with a wolfish grin. "You wanna see a little action?" he winked, stroking his hand down Dean's side suggestively. "I could put on a little show. You know how I love to dance," he smirked teasingly, dipping his head forward to brush his nose against Dean's before tilting his head just enough to capture Dean's lips in a warm, smooth kiss.

Dean laughed and slid his hands around Castiel's waist. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" He murmured with a sly grin and leaned into Castiel when they kissed. "You're a great performer. Extremely talented. Very flexible, too." He kissed Castiel again and teasingly flitter his fingers under the hem of his shirt.

Castiel chuckled as they kissed, feeling a little to close for comfort. They were in Bobby's house. They couldn't do this here. He reluctantly moved Dean's hand away from his shirt, kissing the knuckles before letting go. "Later," he insisted, walking over to the cooker and checking on the food.

Dean nodded in agreement and gave Castiel a promising grin. "Later." he repeated, leaning on the counter and watching Castiel as he walked away to check on the food. The food was almost done and Dean took the chilled bottle of wine out of the refrigerator and set it in the center of the table. There were four places set, like Dean's family used to be before Mary died, and he felt a jolt of sadness go through him at that, but ignored it and helped Castiel with the food.

Castiel brought the chicken out of the oven and set it up on the stove, moving it to a long plate he gave it to Dean to place in the middle of the table. He drained the water from the potatoes and put them in a bowl and followed Dean into the other room to place the vegetables and potatoes in the centre of the table. He kissed Dean's cheek and gave him a teasing smile. "You got the wine?" he asked holding his hand out with an empty glass to fill.

Dean stood behind a chair and picked up the wine bottle with a small smile. He popped off the cork somewhat clumsily and poured it into the glass. It was a nice red wine that Bobby and Crowley had picked out to go with the chicken. Dean wasn't such a huge fan of red wine, but this one looked very nice. He set the bottle down and smiled at Castiel. "I'll go get Bobby and Crowley," he said, and went into the living room to find them sitting together on the sofa.

Castiel nodded, pouring the other three glasses whilst Dean got Bobby and Crowley. Crowley was sat on the couch, his head resting on Bobby's shoulder when he looked up to see Dean. He patted Bobby's knee as he stood up, smiling between the two. "Smells good," he commented, walking into the next room. He noticed the chicken and set into the kitchen for his carving knife and wordlessly volunteered to serve the meat up for everyone. Castiel smile gratefully, he was pretty sure if he attempted that he'd get uneven slices.

Bobby smiled softly and sat down in his seat at the table while Dean and Castiel did the same. As they waited for Crowley to carve the chicken, Bobby turned to Dean, who was sitting beside him at the table. "How's your father?" He asked, his eyes gentle with concern, and Dean shrugged and sipped at his wine. "He's... he hasn't changed much," he admitted. "I haven't really spoken to him in a while."

Crowley served up the meat and sat down at the table and took a sip of his wine. Castiel looked guiltily over at Dean. He knew John was a dick but it didn't mean Dean shouldn't see the guy all together. He was still his father after all and it was his fault he was separating them. Crowley spoke up, trying to keep on a happier topic. "You boys trying out for the play again this year? Sweeney Todd this year, isn't it?" he asked, looking at Bobby before looking between Castiel and Dean.

Bobby nodded, and Dean grinned proudly. "Cas already auditioned," he said, "And it was amazing. I think he's gonna get the lead." Dean took a bite of his chicken and then hummed in delight. "And he's a great cook, too." He said, trying to make Castiel blush because it was adorable when he blushed. Bobby's eyes sparkled proudly as he looked at Castiel. "I can't wait to see you in the play, son. You're going to be great."

Castiel blushed deeply when everyone's attention was on him. He hid behind his glass and took a sip of wine. "Thanks," he mumbled timidly. "Dean's auditioning on Friday. You should come see," Castiel smiled over at Bobby. Maybe it'd take his mind off all this like their little performance at lunch had. Crowley ate silently, wishing he could see all the things Bobby told him about but he was always working. Still, it was nice that Bobby had people to look out for him whilst he was at work. That was a comforting thought.

Bobby patted Castiel's shoulder affectionately. "You've heard these boys sing," he said to Crowley, "And they're damn good. They'll be stars in the play this year." Dean smiled warmly and took another swallow of wine. It was going to be their year to shine and Dean wanted to work extra hard to make Bobby proud. Dean met Castiel's eyes and shared a small smile with him.

Crowley smiled, nodding in agreement. "I'm sure they will. I'll look forward to seeing it." Castiel smiled back at Dean, holding his hand under the table for a moment before returning to his food. "This is good wine," Castiel commented, taking another sip. "If Scotland is good for one thing, it's alcohol," Crowley grinned, swirling the wine absently in his glass as he admired it.

There were a few moments of silence as they all enjoyed the food, but there was still a touch of tension underneath. Bobby cleared his throat and took another sip of the wine before leaning back in his chair slightly and looking around at the other three. "I don't want you all to worry about me," he said quietly, voice serious. "Sure, it's cancer, and anything can happen, but that doesn't mean it's gonna kill me. It's shitty and not fun at all, but I ain't gonna give up or whine about it. All I'm saying is, I don't want anyone to be too worried."

Castiel froze and bit his lip as Bobby spoke. He hadn't expected him to be so open about it. He frowned, nodding in understand but still worried about the elder. Crowley took Bobby's hand and squeezed it briefly in support giving him an honest smile. One that told Bobby he wasn't alone. Castiel admired Crowley's bravery by keeping strong and tried to mimic the smile, taking a sip of wine to cover as his smile falter slightly.

Dean smiled at Bobby's determination and he really believed Bobby would be able to fight his illness. He watched as Crowley took his husbands hand and gave it an encouraging squeeze, and they were a team. Just like Dean and Castiel. Dean exchanged a knowing look with Castiel as he noticed the similarities between their relationships. Bobby smiled back at Crowley, eyes twinkling, and then Dean cleared his throat and raised his glass. "A toast to Bobby and Crowley,"

Castiel looked over at Dean and smiled brightly, proud his baby was keeping it together. "To Bobby and Crowley," he echoed cheerfully, raising his glass in the toast. Crowley smiled gratefully, raising his glass and smiling warmly at his husband. "To Bobby," he murmured, his eyes never leaving Bobby's. Castiel felt like he was intruding just by looking at them so kept his eyes on Dean, reaching under the table with his free hand to lace with Dean's.

Dean blushed slightly and glanced away from the two older men, wanting to give them some privacy, and he met Castiel's eyes with a small smile. He squeezed Castiel's hand gratefully. He could see himself and Cas growing into men together and spending the rest of their lives with each other, and one day they might be like Bobby and Crowley. Bobby smiled softly at his husband and then leaned over to give him a gentle kiss before taking a sip of his wine.

Crowley smiled, taking a sip of his wine, his eyes still on Bobby for a moment before returning to reality. Castiel squeezed Dean's hand back before letting go and finished off his wine, beginning to clear up the plates. Crowley stopped him, holding his wrist to stop him from picking up any more dishes. "Let me. You boys cooked," he argued. Although, this was Crowley. He didn't need to argue, per say. He always got his way. "Besides. Shouldn't you be getting home? You've got school tomorrow," he smirked, flashing a smile over Bobby's way.

Dean set his silverware on his plate to make it easier and then awkwardly handed it to Crowley. Bobby rolled his eyes and chuckled at Crowley's expression and shook his head in amusement as he stood up. "It is getting late," he said somewhat reluctantly and smiled at the boys. "Thanks for coming over, boys." He said to them as Dean stood up and pushed in his chair. "Food was delicious, Castiel." Dean smiled at his boyfriend and then looked back at Bobby and Crowley. "I hope everything goes well. Take care."

Castiel blushed, nodding a little. "Thanks," he muttered quietly. Crowley headed into the kitchen with the plates, returning a moment later to say goodbye. He stood next to Bobby, smiling over at the boys. "Drive safe," he said with a content smile. "You boys are welcome to come cook for us anytime." Castiel laughed, taking Dean's hand to leave. "We'll bare that in mind. See you later," Castiel smiled, making for the door with Dean out to the Impala.

Once they were seated in the car, Dean started the engine and just sat there reflectively for a moment. "I think that went okay," he said, looking at Castiel with a small smile. Bobby was like a father to Dean, much more than his own father. John was a longtime friend of Bobby, but they hadn't spoken to each other in a while and weren't as friendly towards each other as they used to be, and Dean wondered how John would react to Bobby's illness if he found out about it.

Castiel looked over at Dean and reached for his hand, squeezing it gently. "Yeah," he agreed absently, giving Dean a soft smile before looking back out on the road as they drove away. "I'm sure he appreciated it," Castiel commented after a moment. "What with Crowley always away and your dad..the way he is. It's just nice for him to know he's got someone to keep him company, y'know?"

Dean hummed in agreement. "It must get pretty lonely around there. They don't have kids or pets or anything, so we're probably the most interesting thing that goes into their house." He said with little smirk. "We are pretty interesting, don't you think?" He continued to drive around aimlessly, not going to either of their houses. It was dark outside and the air was crisp and cool, but it was warm inside the car with the heat turned on.

Castiel chuckled lightly, "Definitely." He smiled warmly over at Dean, watching him drive nowhere in particular. His toes defrosting as the heat sent hot prickles through the fabric of his shoes. He shivered a little in response and shuffled a little closer to Dean on the seat. "We could go to the cabin if you want?" he suggested quietly. "If you don't want to go home."

Dean looked over to Cas and nodded. "Yeah, let's do that." He felt warm and relaxed here with Castiel with the engine of his beloved car purring beneath him as he drove down the road in the night. They got to the cabin a few minutes later and walked inside to find it was freezing. "Damn," Dean muttered as he shivered and fumbled around for a light switch. The electricity and heating weren't working in here because Dean didn't want to have to do legal things and pay bills and stuff, but now he was starting to think it would be a good idea. "I'm gonna build a fire, you got a lighter?"

Castiel smiled happily, going into the cabin with Dean. He shivered violently as the cold air hit him suddenly. He crossed his arms over his chest trying to preserve the warmth and looked away when Dean asked for a lighter. He nodded awkwardly, handing over his lighter. Castiel hoped Dean was too cold to even ask why he had a lighter. He was supposed to have stopped smoking when Dean confronted him in the summer. Evidently he hadn't kept to his promise.

Dean raised his eyebrows when Castiel actually pulled a lighter out of his pocket. "Dude, you still keep this on you?" he asked in disbelief. "If you're still smoking then you're doing a terrific job of hiding it. I thought I would've been able to smell it on you. That shit will mess you up, Cas." Dean pocketed the lighter and stumbled around in the dark to the stack of firewood and tossed a few logs into the fireplace along with some crumpled newspaper, and bent down to light the flame.

Castiel dipped his head. "I've just had a few," he said in his defence but knew it was useless. "It's more of a sentimental thing really," he muttered, scratching the back of his head and tugging one on the hair before returning to keeping his arms crossed to keep warm. He looked around and got the blankets from the bed and set the down by the fireplace so they could sit somewhere comfortable and stay warm. He set up some of the pillows too and laid down on them, leaving enough space for Dean to lie beside him.

Dean added a few more sticks of wood to the fireplace and poked at the logs until the fire was big enough. "I get it," he said quietly as he kicked his shoes off and settled down beside Cas on the nest of blankets and pillows. "As long as you're not addicted." He curled up and rested his head on Castiel's chest to listen to his heartbeat. "And I don't want you to destroy your lungs, babe. You're too young for that." He smiled affectionately at Cas and kissed his jaw. "You're only a baby."

Castiel smiled uneasily, resting his hand into Dean's hair and stroking it soothingly. "I know," he whispered with a soft sigh. "It's just if I get really stressed, y'know?" he explained but knew it wasn't going to fly easily with Dean. "I'm not addicted," he stressed. "I don't even have any on me. It's still one emergency pack hidden in my guitar. That's it, I promise." He sighed, kissing Dean's temple.

"Well, how about we don't have any more emergencies?" Dean suggested softly, kissing Castiel's neck. "Then you won't need to use your emergency smokes." He wrapped an arm around Castiel's middle and looked at the fire thoughtfully. "You warm enough?" He murmured, pulling a blanket up over them and snuggling close to Cas.

Castiel chuckled softly, leaning into Dean's touches. "I guess," he murmured. Nodding, he snuggled up a little closer to Dean, sliding his eyes closed. "Yeah, you?" This was perfect. The roaring fire. The moonlight battling for darkness against the fire's light, illuminating the whole room beautifully. He sighed happily, still running his hand through Dean's hair. "One day, we're going to get a place just like this. All our own. It'll be perfect and ours," he mused quietly.

Dean smiled to himself, hiding his face from Cas. "That'll be nice," he agreed softly, glancing subtly around the shabby cabin and making a mental note of all the things he had to fix up. It would take a lot of work, but one day this would be a functional house. He's ask Sam to help him, maybe get a few other friends in on it, and make it a gift for Cas. He'd buy it from the owner, if he could find the owner, set up electricity, cable, heating and cooling, and plumbing, and make it into a home. They'd shared their first kiss in here, and Dean wanted to make this place theirs.

Castiel hummed, closing his eyes and sighing softly. He pressed a soft kiss to Dean's temple before tilting away to look at the empty space behind them and in front of the bed. He wrapped his arms around Dean's middle and moved him away to look where he was looking. "Remember, kitten?" he smiled happily. "Christina playing in the background as we danced." He paused for a moment reminiscing and chuckled softly. "I was so scared. I couldn't believe you'd ever let me hold you like that."

Dean followed Castiel's gaze and remembered how it had felt to wrap his arms around Cas for the first time, get close to him, and kiss him hesitantly. He remembered how his heart had been pounding with nerves. It seemed like ages ago, they seemed so young. So much had happened since then. "I was scared too," he murmured with a smile, "That was when I was having my big gay crisis. Scary stuff." He kissed Castiel's lips to make his point.

Castiel chuckled against Dean's lips. "You could of had any girl you wanted. You're popular, smart and fuckin' beautiful." Castiel murmured, looking up at Dean in awe. Still not over the fact. "But you picked me," he said like a prayer on his lips. "You took me to bed and looked over me, stayed with me. Even when I said I didn't want to take it any further." Castiel smiled sweetly, a small giggle escaping him. "You were the perfect gentleman."

Dean smirked and jabbed his nose into Castiel's neck playfully. "Why the hell would I want a girl when I could have you?" Dean demanded teasingly. "You and your ridiculous blue eyes, the guitar playing and the dancing and the art, that horrible paint stained hoodie, messy hair, antisocial habits and general fear of talking to people..." Dean punctuated every few words with a kiss or gentle nip at the skin of Castiel's throat and jaw.

Castiel chuckled, pushing Dean away half-heartedly. "Dean, that tickles," he giggled, biting his lip to stay quiet. Dean's warm breath tickling against his skin. When he managed to prize Dean away from him enough to to stop laughing. There was a heavy pause. "Seriously though...you're right. I was antisocial, unappealing with my baggy tops and crappy hair. What did you even see in me?" Castiel asked seriously, looking over at Dean with big curious eyes.

Dean looked at Castiel thoughtfully, studying his face as he leaned over him, their noses inches apart. "I saw someone beautiful and broken trapped inside your body," Dean said quietly. "I knew you were in there and I wanted to draw you out. And once you started to let me in, I was fascinated and I wanted to know you. Really know you. And somewhere along the way I fell in love with you. And as much as that freaked me out, I couldn't make it go away, but then I realized I didn't want it to go away and I fucking love you, Cas."

Castiel listened intently to Dean's words, on the verge of tears. "I love you, too," he breathed, leaning up to close the small gap between them, pressing his lips to Dean's in a tender kiss. Expressing in ways he couldn't verbalize, just how much he loved Dean. His arms wrapping around Dean's neck to keep him close and rub a slender finger carefully over the sensitive skin behind Dean's ear. He pulled away just slightly, breathless and warm. "Don't ever forget that."

Dean sighed contentedly and shivered as Castiel's finger found that spot behind his ear as they kissed. It was moments like this that made Dean feel weak and small and loved, like a child. He looked at Cas adoringly. "I don't think it's possible to forget," he said in a soft voice, spreading soft kisses over Castiel's cheeks and eyelids. "You remind me every moment of every day and it makes me feel complete and... I don't even know. God, I love you."

Castiel giggled softly under Dean's touches, sighing gently. He felt happy. The feeling overwhelming as he hummed, his skin tingling with warmth. Dean knew just what to say. "I love you," he murmured, leaning up to kiss Dean again. "You remember our first morning here?" Castiel smirked, his cheeks tingling as a soft blush rose on his cheeks. "I can't believe we did that," he giggled in amusement.

Dean huffed and nuzzled Castiel's jaw. "Yeah, that was pretty great," he agreed in amusement. "We were a pair of horny teenagers who liked each other and happened to have slept in the same bed the night before. What do you expect?" Dean sighed happily and nibbled at Castiel's ear. "The fact that you were that awesome at sexin' for your first time was a huge turn on. And your body's amazing. Whatever you do, don't stop dancing because I'm telling you, you're toned as fuck."

Castiel chuckled, tilting his head back and letting out a openly warm laugh. "I promise I'll keep at it," he grinned, playing with Dean's hair. "Only if you promise to start doin' it with me. You could do with being a bit more flexible," he smirked, trailing a finger down Dean's back. "I have a few ideas for things we could do," he teased, leaning up to kiss the corner of Dean's mouth teasingly.

Dean growled in protest and sucked at Castiel's neck. "Ideas like what?" He replied in an equally teasing voice. "Cheerleading? I could totally dig you in a short pleated skirt and a tank top. And I know just how flexible you are, believe me." He kissed his way up to Castiel's mouth and hovered teasingly right over his lips. "Any other ideas you'd like to share with the class?" He murmured suggestively.

Castiel giggled, scrunching his nose up at the idea of being in a cheerleading outfit. He then made a more attractive face, grinning wickedly up at Dean. "I don't know about a pleated skirt but I'm pretty sure a pair of women's suspenders and panties might be more...sexy," he purred, licking his lower lip. "Oh, I'm sure you'll find out soon enough," he chuckled, nipping at Dean's lower lip.

"Are you actually considering dressing up in women's lingerie for me? How thoughtful." Dean hummed when Castiel nipped at his lip, and then he sucked Castiel's lower lip into his mouth for a deeper kiss. He shifted so he was straddling Castiel's legs and laying on top of him lazily, one hand rubbing circles into Castiel's side.

"All I'm saying is: If my man wants to put me in some women's lingerie. Then that's what my man gets," he smirked, humming into Dean's touches and leaning his head back against the pillows. "I want to keep you happy. Is that something you might want?" he asked with a little chuckle. "Tell me what you want. Any fantasies? Your birthday is comin' up. Could make an occasion outta it."

Dean laughed into Castiel's neck and shrugged. "It sounds interesting. Where you're going to get lingerie is the real question." He sighed and relaxed happily against Castiel, laying half on top of him as the fire crackled softly in the background, bathing them in warmth and dim, flickering light. "Pie," he said thoughtfully, "I want some cherry pie. And how about a private dance session? VIP?" Dean stroked Castiel's hair affectionately and then kissed him again. "I don't know, just surprise me, baby."

Castiel chuckled at Dean's attempts to think of something interesting. Surprisingly, Castiel already knew where he was going to get the lingerie. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought about it before. "Sure thing, love," he murmured, leaning into the kiss and Dean's hand. "I'll give you something you'll never forget," he promised, pressing his lips to Dean's temple where he could reach.

"Can't wait," Dean grinned, moving his hand down to wrap his arm around Castiel's waist and he tucked his head in the crook of Castiel's shoulder. He curled up and pulled the blankets up to his chin and smiled lazily as he gazed at the fire, feeling warm and cozy and amazing. "We should come here on Christmas," he suggested dreamily, "After we're done with the family parties and all that. We could just come here."

Castiel made a noise he wasn't even sure he could produce. A cross between a hum and a giddy squeal. "Honey, that sounds amazing," he sighed, squeezing Dean lightly with his arms wrapped protectively around Dean's middle. He imagined spending Christmas here, with the roaring fire, Dean in his arms, just like this..only with the smell of cinnamon in the air and more Santa hats.

"Yeah?" Dean grinned, squeezing Castiel back. "We can bring some hot chocolate and spiked eggnog and maybe toast marshmallows... I can get some chocolate covered cherries and stuff. We'll have our own little party right here. Slow dancing and all." Dean shivered contentedly and wrapped himself around Castiel more.

Castiel grinned happily. "I can bring some music. A-And liquor chocolates and some of those pineapple squares people eat. Oh, Dean. It'll be perfect!" he cried happily, holding Dean closed and peppering his cheek with kisses. "I love you so much. This year is gonna be the best. We'll have Christmas and New Year and oh, Halloween, of course. We almost forgot about Halloween!" Castiel's face lit up excitedly. "We should totally do the whole couples costume thing!"

Dean cupped Castiel's face and grinned widely at his fiance's excitement, a content laugh bubbling up in his chest. He squirmed happily and hugged Castiel close to him. "Halloween's kind of soon," Dean commented, "What do you think we should dress up as?" Several ideas sprang to Dean's mind, but none of them were actually appropriate.

Castiel hummed in thought, sighing defeatedly. "I don't know. Everything I can think of is way too sexy and something I totally ain't cool with sharing. With anyone. Just you," he smirked. His arms wrapped back around Dean's waist to hug him back and hold him close. His nose pawing at Dean's jaw, pressing kisses to the lightly stubbled skin. "You need to start shaving, honey. You'll give me a rash from all that manliness," he giggled, kissing Dean's neck instead and resting there.

Dean smirked and rubbed a hand over his cheek curiously, realizing that Cas was right and his skin felt scratchy with stubble. "Yeah, we'll have to think about costumes. I don't want you to send the entire school into a sex riot with a sexy costume. Save it for me, baby." He stroked Castiel's hair absently and hummed in contentment at his fiance's lips pressing softly against his neck. "Sorry. I'll shave more often, I promise. I don't want to irritate your fair, sensitive, delicate skin." he teased lightly.

Castiel rolled his eyes but smiled none the less. "Thanks, honey," he murmured. He liked Dean with a bit of stubble but he kissed him way too often for it to be worth it. There was only so much soothing cream he could buy. He slipped his hand underneath Dean's shirt, sprawling his hand over the delicate, smooth skin of Dean's stomach. His hand moving up until it rested over Dean's heart. The pulse beating loudly against his hand, telling Dean was real and alive. Despite his therapy. He still needed a reminder now and then to tell him that what he had was worth living for. Being here with Dean and those he loved.

Dean flinched slightly when Castiel's cold fingers trailed up his body, and then gave him an apologetic look as he rested his hand over Castiel's on his chest. "Your hands are freezing," he explained, pulling the blanket up over Castiel's shoulders and wrapping his arm around him more firmly in case Cas was cold. He entwined his fingers with Castiel's as they rested over his heart, his shirt having been pushed up in the process, and he closed his eyes and smiled softly.

"Sorry," he muttered half-heartedly, snuggling up closer to Dean. He closed his eyes and found himself falling asleep in the warmth of Dean's arms. The fire crackling occasionally in the background. Dean's features illuminated with soft, warm light that made Dean's skin glow. Soft murmurs of affection escaped Castiel's lips as he drifted off. Expressing his love for Dean and holding him closer. His lips dragging against Dean's clothed shoulder as his breathing shallowed out and he found himself consumed by the night.

Dean buried his nose in Castiel's hair and sighed deeply as they both relaxed and drifted off to sleep with soft noises and smiles. The fire was already dying down at this point, so it would be fine for them to fall asleep. Dean slept soundly, and when he woke up in the morning he was freezing cold and clinging to Castiel, curled up in the blankets and shivering violently. He groaned as he opened his eyes, teeth chattering and untangled himself from the blankets to go restart the fire, cursing quietly under his breath and diving back into the relative warmth of the blankets and Castiel.

Castiel whimpered as he felt himself rise from his deep sleep. Still not awake but able to register things around him. He could feel the air cool where Dean had once been and shivered, curling in on himself until the other returned. A small strained moan in protest escaped him as he gathered Dean back up in his arms. "Too early for school," he muttered, shivering more violently now that he was awake. The crisp autumn air drifting beneath the cabin door and cooling the once warm night air.

Dean buried his face in Castiel's neck and breathed deeply. "It's okay, we've still got some time before we have to go. Jesus, it's cold in here." Dean definitely needed to look into a heating system for the place. Possibly even get the insulation re-installed. The cabin definitely wasn't very weather-proof, and Dean was pretty sure there were a few leaks in the roof, but he'd fix as much as he could.

Castiel hummed in agreement, snuggling up closer to Dean. "There's always one way to heat up," he smirked, kissing Dean's neck lazily. He could feel the heat of the fire battling with the cooling air and he let out a small shiver. It was still cold but it was getting there. He pressed a leg between Dean's, their thighs pressing together as Castiel pressed closer to Dean, sprawled half on top of him for warmth.

Dean rolled his eyes and grinned, pulling Castiel more on top of him. "Are you ever not horny?" He sighed teasingly. He slid his hands down Castiel's back and squeezed his ass playfully, pulling Castiel's hips closer against his to get a better angle. "You're right, though. There is a very effective way of getting warmed up."

Castiel chuckled. "I'm 17 and have the hottest male alive as my fiancé. You can't blame a guy for being constantly aroused." He pecked at Dean's lips, gasping as Dean groped him. His hands skittering down to Dean's thighs and stroking them teasingly. "You want me to ride you, honey?" he murmured, sucking at Dean's neck lightly.

Dean blushed at Castiel's words and shook his head. "I think you may be a little biased in that opinion," he mumbled, kissing his way down Castiel's jaw and neck and moaning lightly when Castiel's hands wandered down to his thighs. "Do whatever you want," he said, tipping his head back and gasping when Castiel mouthed at his neck. "I want all of you."

Castiel smirked against the other's skin, licking a stripe down his neck as his hands tugged at Dean's belt, pulling his pants down just a little before sighing defeatedly. His head sinking to rest against Dean's chest. "I can't do this," he mumbled, biting his lip and squeezing his eyes shut. "I can't do that to you again."

Dean whined in annoyance when Castiel stopped, and then he frowned in concern and stilled, gently cupping Castiel's face and tilting it up. "Hey," he murmured softly, "Cas, look at me. What's the matter?" Dean didn't understand why Cas was suddenly feeling this way again. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that this was the first time they'd intended to have sex at the cabin after Castiel's suicide attempt.

Castiel bit his lip anxiously. "We haven't..I haven't been on top like this since.." He swallowed thickly, eyes darting over to the bed quickly before looking back up at Dean. "I don't want to hurt you again," he mumbled, sitting up and wiping the sleep form his eyes. "Sorry, Dean," he said, standing up awkwardly as if to get ready for school.

Dean sighed and watched as Castiel stood up. "Cas, I know you were in a bad mental state then, and I can tell you're so much better now. You wanted pain then, you wanted me to hurt you, and I didn't want to." He could tell that's not what Cas wanted now, and Dean wanted to reach out to him and show him he understood. "Baby, it's okay," he murmured gently, standing up as well and putting his hands lightly on Castiel's arms. "I trust you. And if there's something you want from me that I can give to you, you can take it. As long as it doesn't hurt you."

Castiel shivered as Dean came close to him, reliving the terrors of what he'd done to Dean. He shook his head. Still unable to process just how much Dean loved him and was willing to give him everything without a moments hesitation. "I can't," he whispered, shaking his head again. "I-I thought I could but I just can't do that yet." He gave an apologetic look before stepping away again. He needed to clear his head. "I'll be in the car," he mumbled, head dipped to look at the floor.

Dean grabbed Castiel's arm before he could walk away. "Cas, it's okay," he reassured, stepping close and ducking his head to try to meet Castiel's eyes. "Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. We'll take things at your pace, all right?" Dean looked at Castiel for another moment before drawing him close for a tender, chaste kiss. "Just talk to me, whenever you need to, and I'll listen. Everything's going to be okay."

Castiel didn't lean into Dean's kiss but didn't pull away either. "I'm sorry. I just need time," Castiel whispered, leaning against Dean's chest by his head. His lips pressing hesitantly to his fiancé's chest, over his heart before moving away. "We'll work up to it," he murmured, curling his hand in Dean's as he moved away, still wanting to be connected to his lover. He looked over sadly to where they'd been curled up happily a moment ago and sighed. He always had to ruin everything. Maybe because he didn't think he deserved any of this. Dean. His love. Any of it. He was too kind and considerate and Castiel thought he didn't deserve any of it. He kissed the knuckles of Dean's hand tenderly, still keeping his distance. He'd work his way back to earning Dean's trust.

Dean understood. He gave Castiel's hand a reassuring squeeze and then smiled at him softly. Castiel wasn't acting like himself despite the fact that they'd been snuggled up together for the whole night, but Dean could understand that Castiel was still dealing with a lot of problems and he didn't want to make Cas uncomfortable in any way. All Dean wanted was to be as supportive and helpful as possible and hope that Castiel would be able to move on and live his life to the fullest. "Okay, Cas." he answered gently, "I think we'll be late for school if we don't get going soon, though."

Castiel nodded, letting go of Dean's hand to go outside and walk towards Dean's car. The air was still cool out but Castiel found it a relief. The crisp air, sharpening his senses and helping him think better. His mind was too foggy in there. He wasn't thinking straight. He got in the car and curled up in his seat, trying to keep warm. He felt awful that it had come to this but he didn't feel up to keeping his promises. He didn't want to hurt Dean again for the sake of sex. It wasn't worth it.

Dean followed Castiel slowly out of the house, wanting to give him some space and wishing there was something he could do directly, but he felt like it would be better to just give Cas some room to breathe. He got into the car and turned the heat on high, noticing the way Castiel wrapped up in himself as if he was cold, and then he wordlessly drove away to the school.

Castiel watched as the world blurred past, his face slumped against the glass as he found himself falling asleep. He awoke just before they arrived at school and Castiel got out the car, kissing Dean's cheek absently before walking away and into school. He didn't wait for Dean. Wasn't in the mood to. He kept away from him, not wanting to hurt him anymore today. He headed into the bathroom and hid there for a while, just needing a moment alone.

Dean was about to walk into the school with Castiel, but he was surprised and slightly hurt when Cas didn't even look back and wait for him, he just walked away briskly without a backward glance. For some reason, watching him leave like that made Dean's chest tight and he had to lean against the hood of the Impala and take a few deep breaths. He knew he couldn't help Cas with everything, but Dean still felt like he'd failed him. Everything had seemed alright on the surface, but he realized things weren't much better underneath.

Castiel took deep breaths, getting himself together before even attempting to get out of the stall. He looked in the mirror and sighed. Despite his hair having grown back. He could still see in his reflection where it had come out. Jimmy's face sometimes distorted and growled back at him in distaste. Especially if he was feeling low. God he looked a mess. He told himself to get it together and went back out into the halls to head for his locker.

When Dean finally went into the school, he didn't know where Castiel was, and he didn't try looking for him. He leaned against the lockers and absently looked through the messages on his phone, but there wasn't anything important. People were walking by heading to their first classes, but Dean didn't feel like going to class yet. Suddenly, someone lightly punched his arm and he turned around to see a grinning Corbett beside him. Dean smiled and shoved him back lightly. "Hey, Corbett," he greeted, cheering up a little. He liked Corbett, he was a nice guy.

Castiel head-butted his locker in defeat before even attempting to open it. He overheard Dean from somewhere behind him but he didn't have the energy to go see him. Corbett smiled, clutching his books and standing a little closer to Dean than necessary. "Hey, Dean," Corbett greeted back cheerily. Castiel sighed, not in the mood to talk to people so was most certainly not going to go over there. He got his books and slumped against his locker, waiting for Dean to finish talking so they could go to drama.

Dean shifted his backpack. "So, how's life out of the closet?" Dean teased fondly, ruffling Corbett's hair. "Got a boyfriend yet? Interested in anyone?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, wanting to feel somewhat useful by making somebody smile. Besides, Dean felt kind of obligated to be there for Corbett, because he was kind of shy and hesitant when it came to social situations, but he was really nice when you got to know him.

Corbett blushed, looking down at his books. "It's good. Everyone's really accepting. Guess I got you guys to thank for taking the lead on that one," Corbett chuckled softly. He spotted Castiel out of the corner of his eye and stiffened a little. Castiel was staring in their direction with the most disgusted face. But he wasn't looking at them. He'd just drifted off into his own world and just happened to be facing in their direction. Corbett, unaware of this had thought he'd done something wrong or worse, that Castiel knew. "I should be headin' to class. I-I'll see you around," Corbett said softly, soon scurrying off past Castiel and down the hall.

Dean blinked at Corbett's sudden departure and then shrugged to himself before he turned his head just so and met Castiel's eyes. Cas was standing further down the hallway and he did not look happy. The expression on his face made Dean feel sick with fear and worry; Cas barely looked like himself. Dean frowned and then slowly walked towards him, not sure what was going on and if Cas was okay or not. "Hey," he said somewhat cautiously.

Castiel snapped out of his own world when he heard Dean's voice. He looked up at him with a lost look and stepped towards Dean, curling his arms around him slowly. He didn't say anything. Too exhausted too. He pressed his head against the other's chest and listened to his heartbeat. He screwed his eyes shut and told himself not to cry. This was ridiculous. They loved each other. There was nothing wrong. It was all in Castiel's head.


	38. Chapter 38

Dean raised his eyebrows in surprise and then carefully returned the embrace, holding Castiel tenderly and pressing his lips to his temple. "Hey, it's okay," he whispered, stroking Castiel's hair softly. Castiel's life was an emotional roller coaster and Dean sometimes forgot just how drastic the ride could get, but he never regretted getting on in the first place. He held Castiel for a moment in the hallway, ignoring all the other students walking by.

Castiel was still for a long moment, pressing his lips to Dean's tenderly. Almost afraid to initiate the contact in fear of breaking Dean. He moved away, fingertips scraping lightly against Dean's jaw as he let his hands drop back down to his sides. He gave a soft sigh and what he hoped was a smile. "Time for drama," he said ironically, rolling his eyes and letting out a huff of a laugh. Empty and cold but a laugh nonetheless. He stared at Dean for a moment before walking with him down the hall.

Dean kissed Castiel back just as gently, letting him know that he was okay with anything Castiel wanted to do and he didn't want to ask anything of him that Castiel didn't want to give him. He smiled slightly at the drama comment and nodded in agreement. "Think we have more than enough of that already," he muttered teasingly, bumping Castiel's arm lightly as they walked down the hallway side by side. He kept stealing glances at his fiance out of the corner of his eye, wanting to make sure Castiel would be okay.

Castiel managed a smirk. A small motion that tugged at his lips but was gone as soon as it was there. He went into class, Dean following behind. He sat down near the back, just needing some quiet. His head pounding and his stomach leaned heavily against a seat and hooked his fingers around the crook of Dean's elbow once he sat down next to him. "Dean, honey, I don't feel so good," he mumbled softly, his eyes blinking tiredly as he tried to keep in control of his emotional state.

Castiel looked pretty pale and unsteady, his eyes looked exhausted and his body was tense. "You don't look so good," Dean agreed softly with a concerned frown, rubbing soothing circles into Castiel's back. He didn't know if Castiel was physically sick or if it was more stress related. "Do you want me to take you to the nurse?" he offered.

Castiel closed his eyes and leaned into Dean's soothing touch. He rest his head against the other's shoulder wearily. Castiel shook his head. He wanted to go home and curl up with Amber with a tall glass of milk but Dean's audition was today and he didn't want to miss it or make Dean worry too much about him and screw things up. He leaned up and kissed Dean. Not much movement in the kiss. Just lips pressed together softly in a long, warm kiss. Once he'd pulled away, Castiel reached for Dean's hand, covering it with his own. "I'm not missing today," he murmured with a twitch of a smile, resting back against Dean tiredly.

Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel's shoulders loosely and leaned into him slightly, pressing a soft kiss to his temple when Castiel pulled away from kissing him. "Okay. If you're sure you're alright." He murmured gently. He shivered slightly in anticipation of his audition after school. He really hoped he'd practiced enough, but not even Castiel had seen his audition piece yet.

Castiel nodded. "I'm sure." He clutched hold of Dean a little tighter, closing his eyes for a moment. "I'm not missing your performance," he said determinedly. Perhaps he'd go home after. He wasn't sure. He just had to be there to support Dean like he had with him.

Just as Dean leaned in to kiss Castiel's cheek, a teacher that wasn't Mrs. Harvelle walked in. She waited for the class to quiet down and then smiled at all of them. "I'm Ms. Braedon," she said, and Dean instantly noticed how pretty the young woman was. "Mrs. Harvelle is out today so I'm your substitute. She didn't write out a lesson plan, so you'll just have a study hall for today."

Castiel groaned, leaning heavily against Dean. He didn't have the patients for this. If they weren't going to do anything important then Castiel didn't want to know. He closed his eyes and fell asleep almost instantly, his energy drained and wanting to stay here for Dean he'd need his energy.

Dean snorted in amusement when Castiel fell asleep on his shoulder. Within minutes, he was snoring, while the rest of the class chatted amongst themselves and did homework. Dean took out his book for English and decided to read it, not having the heart to wake Castiel up and move.

Castiel slept through the whole class, stirring in his sleep and gripping hold of Dean tightly. He blinked with bleary eyes, looking up at Dean to see him reading. He smiled sleepily, pressing his lips to Dean's neck. "Hey," he said softly, eyes warm and tired. He felt a little better but still had a headache worse than a hangover.

Dean smiled at Cas and kissed his forehead. "Hey," he murmured, "You feeling any better? Drama's almost over." He glanced at the clock. On the bright side, he'd actually managed to get a bit of his work done and nobody had bothered him and Cas. He stroked Castiel's hair absently as he gazed down at him.

Castiel gave a short yawn, snuggling up at Dean's side. He felt bad that he'd practically skipped all of drama but he was too tired and hurt too much to care. "Yeah," he said absently, leaning into Dean's touch. His nose pushed against Dean's collarbone as his shirt moved with Castiel's help. He kissed the skin there tenderly, pulling away a little to stand. "I should probably get to art," he mumbled, half-heartedly, looking around like a lost bunny.

Dean stood up and stretched. "Need a model?" Dean offered with a little grin. "I've got study hall next anyway and nothing better to do. I haven't seen any of your artwork in a while." He gathered up his things and put on his backpack. "Or, you know. Just to keep you company if you want. Whatever's cool with you."

"I'd like that," Castiel murmured with a small smile. He linked his hand with Dean's and they walked to art. Castiel set up his stuff. Getting some paper and some pieces of chalk and charcoal and putting them on the table. He was still tired and sleepy. He took a bottle of water from his bag and drained the whole thing with a minute, panting lightly. His head was aching and he was trembling slightly in effort. He was probably coming down with something. That's what he told himself anyway. He didn't want to think of the alternative.

Dean rose his eyebrows as he watched Castiel chug an entire bottle of water, hands shaking. "Dude, you sure you don't want to go to the nurse? You look awful." He said, studying Castiel's face. He was pale and slightly sweaty, and his eyes looked glassy and exhausted. Cas had been sleeping a lot lately and Dean wondered if he was getting sick with something. He straddled a chair and continued to look at Castiel in concern.

Castiel nodded, shaking his head. "I'm fine," he insisted. He hunched over a little, shaking his head. "I'm not fine," he groaned. He practically ran from the room and into the bathroom and hurled the contents of his stomach into the toilet. His hands shaking with the effort it took to keep himself from slumping against the rim of the bowl. He groaned pathetically, feeling tears slide down his face.

Dean cursed under his breath when Castiel suddenly paled, his skin turning a greenish tint, and bolted out of the room. Dean followed him into the bathroom and found Cas slumped over a toilet. Dean winced and placed a hand on Castiel's back to pull him back from the toilet a little bit as he flushed it, and then he stroked Castiel's hair softly and rubbed his back to try to soothe him. "That was unexpected," he murmured, voice low with concern.

Castiel pushed Dean away, embarrassed. "I'm fine," he said although it was wasted seeing they both knew he wasn't. He went to the sink and washed his face, slumping against the counter and watched his reflection. Pale skin, empty eyes. He looked like crap. He swallowed thickly, wiping his mouth.

"You're obviously not fine," Dean retorted, following Castiel to the sink and offering him a stick of gum from his pocket. "You just puked your guts out. I'm taking you home, don't argue with me." He looked at Cas firmly in the mirror. His tone softened a little when he saw just how sick Castiel looked. "You look like death warmed over," he said, "Come on. Let me take you home and get you some ginger ale and crackers or something."

Castiel shook his head. "I can get home myself," he insisted. He knew if Dean came with him he wouldn't leave. "You have your audition. I'll be fine." He squeezed Dean's arm briefly, making his way out of the bathroom and back into art to get his bag.

Dean walked with Cas back to the art room. "I'll drive you," he insisted, "You can't walk home like this, and it's freezing outside. I'll come back for my audition, I promise." Dean could be as stubborn as Cas and had no intention of letting his fiance go home by himself, miserable and sick. "I just want to make sure you get comfortable and have everything you need."

Castiel slumped in defeat. Too tired to resist. "Okay," he nodded. He cupped Dean's cheek and smiled wearily. "You're too kind to me," he murmured, pulling his bag up over his shoulder and walking out to Dean's car with him. He was grateful for the fresh air, taking big gulps as he opened the car and slide inside. He was sure he was going to vomit again and no matter how much Dean love him. He would most certainly kill him if he threw up in his car.

Dean sighed in relief and wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist as they walked to the car, and once Cas was seated inside the car, he was starting to look green again, and Dean winced. "You're not gonna spew again, are you?" He asked nervously, rolling down the passenger window just in case. He drove carefully, watching Castiel worriedly as he drove and tried to avoid driving over bumps and potholes in the road as he did so.

Castiel shook his head, the movement so small Dean might not have noticed if he wasn't looking. They managed to get to Castiel's house without him throwing up but that didn't last long. Once Castiel was in the house he threw up again, just making it to the bathroom. He felt like crap, looked like it too no doubt. He hated this. Dean shouldn't have to put up with this. He flushed the toilet and wiped his mouth, dragging himself to stand up and look in the mirror. Splashing his face with water as Jimmy continued to torment him in the mirror. "Go away," he muttered in irritance. He didn't have the energy for this.

Dean flinched in surprise as Castiel suddenly bolted out of the car and into the house, and then he turned the engine off and followed him. Castiel was in the bathroom and Dean waited outside by the door for Cas to finish, and he heard the sink turn on and he stepped into the open doorway. "You say something?" He asked in confusion, having heard Castiel's voice but not able to make out the words. He winced when he looked at Castiel's face in the mirror; he looked absolutely horrible.

Jimmy growled, his face a blur, constantly twitching. A mix between the real Jimmy and the best beneath that was all Castiel took its place. _He asked you a question, toots. _Castiel scowled at his reflection. "No," Castiel answered without looking away. His reflection shooting him a winning grin, all bitter and cynical. _Cas, now now. There's no need to be rude to our lover. _The wink is what got Castiel, feeling bile rise back up he threw up again. This time in the sink. His breath shaky, hands clutching the the sides with the effort it took to keep him up. "He's not yours," he groaned. "You don't deserve a saint like him." The next words made Castiel tense in disgust as his brother smirked, peering over him in triumph. _What, and you do?_

Dean stared in confusion as Castiel glared at his reflection in the mirror, looking like he was at war with himself and inches away from shattering the mirror with his fist, and he threw up again in the sink. Dean bit his lip with a worried frown and stepped forward to put a gentle hand on Castiel's back, expecting him to flinch away from the touch. When Cas spoke, Dean's heart thudded in panic and he shook his head. Cas was delirious and hallucinating and Dean grabbed his arm and lightly shook him. "Cas, snap out of it, man." He said, trying to get into Castiel's line of vision. "What's happening?"

Jimmy dissolved, like the mirror fogged up and his image faded once Dean touched him. Breaking the spell. He swallowed thickly, shaking his head. "I'm...I need to lie down," he muttered, feeling faint. He stumbled passed Dean, trying to ignore the nagging thought in his head that he wasn't worth Dean's time. They'd been over this before. Castiel almost lost his life because of it. He didn't want to go down that road again. He managed to make it to his bed and slumped down on it. Narrowly missing Amber as she cried out, jumping out the way in time to curl up on the floor as far away from Castiel as possible.

Once Castiel was settled in his bed, Dean left to get a cold compress, a tall glass of ice water, and an extra blanket, and he returned to Castiel's room. He left the glass of water on the nightstand and put the ice pack under Castiel's head, and then he removed Castiel's shoes and socks and unzipped his pants and removed those as well so he'd be more comfortable in his bed. He covered him up with the extra blanket and then chased down Amber and picked her up to place her in Castiel's arms. "I'll stay here until you go to sleep," Dean said, stroking Castiel's sweaty hair back from his forehead and crawling onto the bed beside him.

Castiel was vaguely of Dean moving around him but his head hurt too much and there was a thumping in his ears. He closed his eyes once Amber settled in his arms and he nuzzled against her fur happily. Well, as happily as he could in his state. His breathing was laboured and his throat was soar from throwing up. He was trembling slightly and his skin a sickly pale colour, slicked with cold sweat. "You need to go," Castiel managed to mumble. He didn't want Dean to miss his audition because of him. It wasn't fair to ask that of Dean. "Make me proud," he said with a queasy smile.

"Shh," Dean hushed, stroking Castiel's hair again. "I've got plenty of time before my audition. Go to sleep and text me if you need anything. I'm gonna tell your mom you're sick." Normally, he'd tell Crowley or Bobby, with Mrs. Novak being away at work so much, but then again so was Crowley and Bobby was sick himself and didn't want to cause them any more stress. Dean leaned down to kiss Castiel's forehead. "Take care of him, Amber."

Castiel tried to complain but he was too tired and warm where he lay. He nodded feebly and closed his eyes. Amber, hearing her name, looked protectively up at Castiel and pressed her nose to his chin. "Love you," Castiel mumbled, curling in on himself to keep warm. He was annoyed he wouldn't get to see Dean's performance. He'd really been looking forward to it but hopefully Dean'd give him the low down when he saw him next.

Dean smiled softly, not knowing whether the sentiment was intended for him or the cat. He rubbed Castiel's stomach gently, trying to soothe the stomachache making Castiel feel sick, and waited for him to fall asleep. When Castiel's breathing slowed and evened out, Dean slowly got up from the bed and looked at the clock. His audition was in a half hour and he kissed Castiel's cheek before sneaking out his room to go back to school.

Castiel had fallen asleep, letting the darkness consume him. He didn't dream. His fever cooling from the icepack. His delusions faded as he slumbered pretty smoothly. He awoke a few times for some water or to throw up again but everything seemed to have calmed down considerably. _Back online, sweetie?_ came Jimmy's too sickly sweet voice. Castiel didn't even bother looking in the mirror as he washed his hands. He knew he was there. _When ya gonna tell Dean this ain't just a part of the illness? _Castiel ignored him still, drying his hands on the towel. _He's gonna find out sooner or later, Cas. TIMES. RUNNING. OUT. _Jimmy's manic laughter filling his mind as he scratched at his temple, clawing for him to get out. He wasn't sure when he passed out but he could see it. Like he was watching himself from above, passed out on the cool tiled floor in his boxers.

Dean went back to school and did his audition smoothly. It was strange not having Castiel in the audience watching him, but he felt like he performed well nonetheless. As soon as that was done with, he hurried back to Castiel's house and let himself in to check on him. Hopefully he'd slept well and was feeling somewhat better, but when he got up to Castiel's room he wasn't there. Worried, Dean called his name and then noticed the light on in the bathroom, and he gasped when he saw Castiel lying on the floor. Dropping to a crouch beside him, he rolled Castiel over and immediately placed a hand on his bare chest. He breathed a sigh of relief when he felt the steady beat of his heart, not wanting to take any chances. There was a swelling on his forehead where he appeared to have hit it as he fell to the ground, and Dean wondered how long he'd been lying there for. "Cas, can you hear me?" He leaned over Cas and tapped his cheek gently.

Castiel felt something cold scrape across his cheek and he stirred awake with a groan. His face was pale, slight bags forming under his eyes. A small amount of drool collecting around his mouth. He managed to lift his head enough to look up at Dean but winced when he felt something sharp pang at his head. He shifted a hand to press against his forehead to feel a slight bump there. That confused him until he remembered what had happened. He groaned again, looking up at Dean pathetically. "J.." he tried to speak but his mouth was rough and sore from throwing up. "Jim..my," he croaked, trying to tell Dean before it was too late. He closed his eyes again, slumping against the floor as he found it too much effort to move.

Dean bit his lip and stared at Cas with wide eyes. "Jimmy?" He repeated in confusion, but then Castiel was out like a light again. "Shit," he muttered, sitting back on his heels and trying to think of what to do. It was possible that Castiel had a concussion, or maybe he was just coming down with something. When Dean felt his forehead, it was kind of warmer than usual and Dean sighed. "Cas, wake up," Dean said, leaning over him and gripping his shoulders. He didn't know what to do. "Cas, you hit your head, I need you to keep your eyes open."

Castiel was vaguely aware of Dean talking and did his best to open his eyes. He was so tired. "Sleep," he murmured tiredly, gripping at the hands on his shoulders. His head was pounding but nothing a little ice wouldn't fix. He managed to sit up for a moment before falling back down. "Sleep," he said again, curling up on the floor instead of attempting to make it to his bed.

"No, Cas. Don't do that, look at me." Dean pulled Castiel up to a sitting position and held him up. "You have to stay awake for like an hour, or something. In case you have a concussion." Dean knew he was being annoying, but he was really worried. "Are you dizzy at all, or do you feel sick? Can you see and hear okay?"

Castiel nodded. "Fine," he mumbled in response. "Sick," came the next short answer. He didn't feel dizzy. Just exhausted and worn out from throwing up and doing everything he was supposed to not do and talk to Jimmy and his demons. That had royally screwed him up. "Bed," he groaned, trying to lift off the floor but was too weak.

Dean nodded and sighed in defeat. "Okay, but if you go into a coma or something I'm not gonna be happy, so don't do that." He scooped Castiel up bridal style and stumbled down the hall to Castiel's bedroom, accidentally banging Castiel's feet into the wall. "Sorry," he mumbled, and then put Cas on his bed. "Okay, you wanna tell me what that was all about?" He asked gently, taking the ice pack and carefully placing it over the bump on Castiel's head.

Castiel wanted to sleep but Dean persisted in getting him to talk. He deserved to know but right now Castiel just needed rest. "Jimmy," he mumbled. "Keep seein' him." He closed his eyes again, wrinkling his nose in disgust. Dean should have just ran when he gave him the chance. He was messed up. Dean didn't deserve this.

Dean bit his lip sadly and moved in closer to Castiel. "Oh, Cas," he breathed, sighing into Castiel's hair. They were silent for a moment. Dean knew this kind of thing happened. Cas had been doing so well with the therapy sessions and everything, but now he was hallucinating again. "Baby, I thought that wasn't happening anymore. Is this the first time since it ended?"

Castiel shook his head feebly. "Everyday," he mumbled, nuzzling into Dean's chest to hide from him so he didn't have to look at him and face the shame. "Sorry," he muttered against the other's shirt. The warmth spreading to him gratefully. He nestled closer with a long sigh, on the verge of tears.

Dean's blood ran cold and he felt a knot form in his stomach. Eyes wide, he stiffened and looked at Cas, who was hiding his face in Dean's shirt. "What?" He whispered, feeling horrible for not noticing. If he'd paid better attention, maybe Cas wouldn't be having these problems. Guilt flooded his mind. "Every single day? Cas... you said you were getting better, you said this wasn't happening anymore."

Castiel shook his head. "I-I am. I can ignore it," he insisted, sitting up a little. "He fades away if I ignore him. He only attacks w-when I'm vulnerable." He clutched to Dean desperately. "I'm getting better, I promise. It's just a-a set back." He felt tears slide down his face, his skin burning up again as he became over-welled with mixed emotions.

Dean held Castiel gently and hushed him, stroking his hair and neck softly. "Shh," he soothed, "Try to calm down, you can't get yourself all worked up when you're like this. I've got you, it's okay. What kind of things has Jimmy been saying to you?" He asked hesitantly, not sure he wanted to hear this but he needed to know if it was violent stuff that could get Cas hurt.

Castiel sniffed, taking deep gulps of air as he tried to compose himself. "That I don't deserve you," he said quietly, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "I know, it's true but I don't care. We've been through this before a-and I want you, whether I deserve it or not," he said, hiding back in Dean's shirt.

Dean tightened his hold on Castiel and closed his eyes against the tears that threatened to fall. "Cas, we deserve each other," he insisted, "But it's not about that. It doesn't matter whether you think you deserve me or not, because we have each other and we want each other and we're together. Don't let Jimmy or anyone tell you otherwise, okay?" Dean kissed Castiel's forehead. "No matter what you say about yourself, I'm never going to stop loving you."

Castiel sniffed, looking up at Dean with watery eyes. "I love you so much," he said with a wavering voice as he bit back a sob. "I try to ignore him, I really do but I-I just can't help it sometimes," he said, feeling he let both himself and Dean down. He'd been doing well. Jimmy's image hadn't followed him as much as it used to but now it was worse than ever. Like it was angry that he'd been ignoring him.

Dean gazed back into Castiel's sorrowful eyes and cleared his throat when his voice suddenly failed him. "Cas, it's okay." Dean whispered to him, holding him tightly. "I don't want you to suffer like this. Just tell me whenever you feel like this, alright? Talk to me, tell me everything you're thinking. I promise I won't ever think differently of you, and I'll try to help you as much as I can."

Castiel managed a pathetic smile, leaning up and nudging his nose against Dean's in affection and gratitude. "I love you," he repeated sincerely. "I promise I will," he whispered. "I'll tell you everything. I promise." He sniffed and laughed a little as he felt Amber wedge her way between them and nudge against Castiel's chest, doing her best to cheer him up too.

Dean smiled in relief. "Good." He murmured, feeling a little more relaxed that he had Castiel's promise. "Don't hesitate to tell me anything, babe. I can take it." He grinned and kissed Castiel's nose playfully and then rubbed Amber's head as she jabbed her nose into Castiel's face. "See? You've got me and you've got Amber. We'll take care of you, won't we, Amber?"

Castiel managed a small smile at Dean's heartfelt attempts to cheer him up. "I couldn't ask for a better team," Castiel murmured, stroking behind Amber's ear. "The only time I haven't seen him was the night Lucifer came," Castiel admitted sheepishly. He thought he should tell Dean this stuff but wasn't sure how to begin. With Dr Rosen she asked questions and it made it easier to talk about.

By now, Dean knew that Castiel's hallucinations were his repressed thoughts and memories coming forward and expressing themselves through a familiar figure, and it was important that Cas understand why he was feeling these things. He'd been traumatized many times in his young life and it had damaged him severely. "You see Jimmy every day? How long is he there for and how often?"

Castiel shrugged, focusing on stroking Amber instead of looking at Dean and seeing the disappointment or shame in his eyes. "He's always there..but in my reflections. He doesn't like follow me around as a different person he _is _me," he tried to explain. "Sometime I just ignore him, brush my teeth and he'll just stare at me but other times he talks to me...and I'll talk back."

"Yeah, it's gotta be hard when the guy looked just like you," Dean murmured thoughtfully. "But he's not the same person as you. And I didn't know Jimmy very well, but would he really say things to you to try to bring you down? Correct me if I'm wrong, but it really sounds like you're hearing yourself talk when you see Jimmy, but you don't realize it. Those thoughts are all your own but you've repressed them."

Castiel nodded in understanding. "That makes sense.." he mused, frowning deeply. "I know it's not him. Jimmy never raised his voice or caused me pain except..when he left." He fell quiet for a moment, feeling Amber's fur beneath his fingertips. "It just scares me to see him like that..even if it's not him."

Dean stroked Castiel's neck absently and watched as the other boy's fingers played in Amber's fur. "Does... Jimmy ever threaten to hurt you? Or tell you to do things?" Dean asked carefully, turning his gaze back to Castiel's face. If Castiel answered yes, then Dean was going to be more worried than he already was, because that was potentially more self-harm that could happen.

Castiel's hand stilled and he looked up at Dean. How could he not? He couldn't just shrug this one off. "Sometimes," he said honestly. "But not in the way you think. He won't tell me directly to hurt myself h-he'll make it subtle. Make it seem like it's _my _idea. Trying to get under my skin." He paused looking trustingly into the other's eyes. "But I'm stronger than that now. I know what it's like to go down that road and I never want to do it again." He moved his hand from Amber to Dean's cheek. "He can't get to me like that anymore. You keep me going."

"You've gotta let him go," Dean said softly, cupping Castiel's neck. "You've had a few close calls recently but you seem a lot better to me. This is just a setback, it happens. You'll get better, Cas." Castiel's blue eyes were wide and trusting, open and full of emotion and Dean was so relieved Castiel was willing to share these secrets with him.

Castiel shook his head. "I don't know how," he admitted quietly. "I've just been ignoring him but that just seems to make him angrier." He bit his lip nervously, slipping his head to tuck under Dean's. "I'm sorry, Dean," he mumbled against the skin. "I wanna get better but I don't know how," he sniffed quietly.

Dean sighed and rested his chin on Castiel's head. "Maybe you should try to confront him and prove that you're stronger than that." Dean knew he was treading on eggshells here, because he wasn't a psychologist or a doctor and had no idea if the advice he was giving would even help, but Cas needed him to try something.

"Okay," Castiel whispered. "I'll try it." For now though, he was content with just being wrapped up in Dean's arms with his loving fiance and his cat in his bed. "Thank you, Dean," he murmured with another sigh. "I love you." He closed his eyes and just lay there for a while, enjoying the warmth and love Dean gave him while he could.

"I love you too." Dean held Castiel and Amber against his chest and just breathed as both of them relaxed and enjoyed each other's warmth. "Do you feel any better?" He asked after a few moments. Castiel definitely looked more relaxed and comfortable now, but Dean still didn't know if he was actually sick with something or if the vomiting was a result of the anxiety and fear.

"Much better, love," he hummed, reluctantly moving to reach for his water and take a gulp. He turned back to Dean and snuggled back up against his chest. He guessed he'd just fallen ill from repressing his inner self too much. Something he'd have to work on so Jimmy didn't consume him again. "How was your audition?" he asked, regretful that he'd missed it.

"I think it went well," Dean replied, wrapping his arm back around Castiel and closing his eyes as they settled in. "Missed seeing your pretty face in the audience, though." He playfully gave Castiel a gentle poke in the side and then kissed his cheek. "I don't think we have anything to worry about. I feel pretty good about our auditions."

Castiel hummed. He still felt bad about missing it but he was sure to see Dean again in the play. He was bound to get a main part for sure. "Can't wait to see you, babe," he murmured with a smile, kissing Dean's nose. "Bet you were amazing." He kissed Dean's cheek happily and sighed, settling back in.

(OMFG it's friday right? So one week until Dean's birthday party YAYAY Did you wanna skip to then or something? I don't have much planned apart from like lessons and I can't be bothered with just writing the same stuff up.)

(OH YEAAHDFKGFDKG LEt's skip to his party!)

Dean smiled and rested his lips on Castiel's forehead as the two of them began to drift off to sleep. "Love you," Dean murmured sleepily, still holding onto Castiel with no intention of letting go. Castiel was an amazing person, and Dean only wished he could see just how special he was.

Castiel hummed happily, leaning against Dean and closing his eyes. "Love you too," he mumbled with a yawn. They fell asleep in each other's arms, knowing things would be better from now on.

A week had past at school and nothing interesting had really happened. Mrs Harvelle had been off ill most of the week so the casting list hadn't been announced yet. Castiel was just excited about Dean's party. His man was gonna be 18. They were at his and Castiel was in the middle of tying a scarf around Dean to blindfold him, despite his protests. "Would you stand still," he muttered, "It'll only take a sec."

Dean halfheartedly tried to bat his hands away. "I really don't see the point in this," Dean complained, even though he was smiling. It was Friday afternoon and Castiel had brought Dean over to his house. They were having some kind of small party at Dean's house in the evening, which had been planned by Sam.

Castiel finally got the blindfold on and led Dean into Micheal's old room. It had been redecorated, a double bed sat in the corner. Navy and grey cushions scattered all over it with a deep blue comforter draped over the pale grey duvet. The walls were painted a dull cyan color. A TV sat on the wooden desk along with some of Dean's study books as well as his own. Castiel's guitar sat on its stand in the opposite corner to the bed and at the foot of the bed in the corner closest to the door stood a huge wooden wardrobe contain both his own clothes and some of Dean's. There was a small present wrapped on the desk. A black box, tied up with a red bow waiting for Dean. He undid the blindfold excitedly and stepped back. "Happy Birthday," he cheered excitedly.

Dean tried to figure out where Castiel was leading him through the house, but the path and corners they turned around were unfamiliar, and he was very confused. When Castiel removed the blindfold, Dean's eyes widened. "Whoa," he breathed, looking around the room. He noticed his own school books beside Castiel's, and he could see some of his own clothes mixed in with Castiel's. He'd never been in this room before, but he was starting to realize what it meant. He turned to Castiel with a questioning look, smiling slowly. "Cas? Whose room is this?"

Castiel returned the grin eagerly. He leaned over Dean to pick up the small box and hold it out to Dean. "It's ours, Dean," he smiled, excitedly. He lifted the small box open to reveal a key to Castiel's house. "I know you're here all the time anyways but..I don't know I thought this was just one of those things couples did," he shrugged, still smiling happily. "And I cleaned up my old room for Sam. Just like we promised. You're both welcome to stay whenever you want." He stood their with a pleased look on his face, hoping Dean liked it.

Dean smiled excitedly and picked up the key in amazement. He stared at it for a moment, eyes beginning to blur with tears, and then he put it back in the box and threw himself into Castiel's arms. He hugged him tightly, burying his face in his shirt. He didn't know why he felt like crying, and it frustrated him, but he didn't care. "Cas, you don't know how much this means to me. How much it will mean to Sam."

Castiel grinned, wrapping his arms tightly around Dean and kissing his cheek. He felt Dean trembling a little and stroked his back. "I'm glad, love," he smiled happily. He loved to see his man this happy, he was smiling so much it made his cheeks hurt. "You both mean so much to me." He tilted Dean's head up so he could kiss him properly, slow and passionate. "Happy Birthday, kitten," he giggled, rubbing their noses together.

Dean kissed Castiel back slightly more enthusiastically and roughly, and then hugged him again. "This is amazing," he said excitedly, looking around the room again over Castiel's shoulder. "It's ours. Sam's gonna be so excited about this, I can't wait until he finds out." He backed away a little to look at Castiel. "Thank you so much, baby." Dean felt guilty that they couldn't go to the Winchester house anymore, and now Cas was giving him even more.

Castiel grinned, kissing Dean again. "You're welcome, honey," he murmured, kissing Dean again. "So what's the plan for today?" he asked, he knew Sam was doing something but he wasn't sure when or where or whether he was even allowed back in the Winchester's home. "Fancy breaking in our new bed," he winked with a wide smirk, kissing Dean again briefly.

"Sam's planned something back at our house and you're coming. I talked to my dad and made it very clear to him that you are coming to my party whether he wants you there or not, and he's going to play nice, I promise. It's not until a few hours, though. So I think we've got plenty of time to try out that bed." He grinned back at Castiel and nipped at his lips. "Didn't you promise me a striptease or something?"

Castiel hoped everything went as Dean said it would. The last thing he wanted was for Dean's birthday to be ruined because John and he couldn't get along for the sake of someone they both loved. He chuckled and kissed Dean back, moving him over to the bed to sit on the edge. He winked at Dean and ran his hand's over his lover's thighs kissing him before moving back entirely to teasingly strip for him.

Dean smiled and watched eagerly as Castiel began to take his clothes off, wanting to see that amazing body underneath the clothes. Castiel was gorgeous, confident and strong as he removed his clothing teasingly, his body rolling and gyrating slowly as his skin was gradually revealed.

By the time his shirt hit the floor and he began working on his pants he felt a lot more comfortable, performing for his fiancé. He took off his belt as he rolled his hips over Dean's. Never touching but close enough to make Dean beg to be touched. He moved away again, running a hand up his own thigh and to the waistband and he pulled off his pants leaving him in, well nothing. Castiel, as a last minute thing decided not to wear pants, hopefully catching the other off guard.

Dean grinned at Cas and then groaned when he teased him, wanting to reach out and touch but forcing himself to wait until Castiel touched him first. He'd really make an excellent stripper, but Dean never wanted to share him with anyone. His eyebrows raised in surprise as Castiel took off his pants and revealed that he was wearing nothing underneath, which couldn't be very comfortable but was incredibly sexy. Dean catcalled and applauded, taking some dollar bills out of his pocket and tossing them playfully at Cas.

Castiel laughed as Dean officially made him his whore. He looked at the bills, tempted to pick them up but he'd do that later. Right now he had to claim his prize. He sat in Dean's lap, grinding against him and finally touching him, licking at his neck. "Gonna make you feel so good," he murmured. His hands anywhere and everywhere, touching Dean as much as he could.

"Oh, Jesus!" Dean moaned at the sudden lapful of writhing Castiel, hot and heavy and strong. His hands gripped at Dean's arms and shoulders and touched him all over, and Dean groaned at the sudden tightness of his pants. He tipped his head back and closed his eyes at the contact of Castiel's hot mouth at his neck, and he finally allowed himself to touch Castiel. He gripped his hips and dug his fingers in, not quite hard enough to leave bruises.

Castiel smirked, mouthing at Dean's neck and at the small amount of exposed chest as he pawed open Dean's shirt, kissing his way down and back up again before kissing Dean on the mouth. His hands slid down between them and cupped Dean through his pants, teasing him as he pulled away to get the other naked. "Back on the bed," he ordered seductively, voice low and teasing.

Dean nodded dazedly and struggled out of his clothes, because he needed some skin on skin contact right now and Castiel was takinf control, which was amazingly hot and Dean was already really turned on. He did as Castiel said and stumbled over to the bed, shedding his pants and socks as he did so, and he collapsed clumsily on the edge of the bed as he backed into it.

Castiel grinned, crawling over Dean and kissing him senseless. Moaning into the kiss as he ground against Dean. "Going to ride you, Dean," he growled, too turned on to worry about what happened last time he topped. He wanted this. "You want that, baby?" he murmured, kissing Dean again. "Want me to ride you senseless?" he smirked, nipping at Dean's neck.

"Yes," Dean gasped, head tipping back and panting for air as Castiel kissed him mercilessly, and Dean desperately sucked at his tongue and lips, trying to at least have some semblance of control over himself and Castiel. His hands roamed over Castiel's body, nails dragging up and down his back lightly as he ground up hard against Castiel's hips, moaning at the delicious friction. "Ride me," he gasped, "Fuck... please, Cas..."

Castiel groaned, dragging his hips dirtily against Dean. Just before Dean had arrived..well lets just say he'd prepared himself. Wanting to catch Dean off guard and focus purely on him. He was already ready for Dean, pushing Dean's cock to his entrance, he pushed down with a groan. "Fucking finally" he thought. He pushed down slowly until he took Dean completely. "Fuck," he gasped, moving his hips slowly, almost torturously as he kissed Dean's chest and neck softly.

Dean's hands scrabbled frantically at Castiel's hips, eyes going wide as Castiel started to take him without even preparing himself, but to Dean's amazement he was already loose and ready, and he gasped as Castiel's tight entrance clenched around him. It had been a while since they'd done this, and Dean moaned loudly, thrusting up slowly into Castiel, who was slowly writhing on his cock, and he leaned his head up to capture Castiel's lips in a clumsy kiss.

Castiel moaned helplessly, riding Dean's cock. "That good baby?" he murmured breathlessly against Dean's lips. He ground a bit fast, circling his hips until he found the right angle for Dean to hit his prostate. He cried out, head falling backwards, exposing his neck. Damn, did that feel good. He rode faster, hands gripping at Dean's shoulders.

Dean matched Castiel's pace, rolling his hips up and grinding into Cas harder when he hit the other boy's prostate, and he grinned breathlessly at Castiel's reaction. "Fuck, yeah," he moaned as Castiel dirtily twisted and writhed on him, and he trailed his hands up over Castiel's hipbones and stomach, feeling the muscles there clench and tighten with his movements, and it was the hottest thing ever.

Castiel felt his rhythm go off slightly as he found himself nearing the edge. He grabbed himself in his hand and started pumping in time with his thrusts, unable to control himself he came suddenly into his hand. His ring muscles tightening around Dean's cock as he continued to ride out his orgasm. He panted heavily, still rolling his hips against Dean as he brought him over the edge too.

Dean gasped out Castiel's name in surprise as his cock was suddenly squeezed tightly by Castiel's body, and within seconds he was coming to a climax as well, hands digging into Castiel's hips as he came deep inside Castiel. He grinned breathlessly and closed his eyes, collapsing against the pillow when he was done and laughed happily. "Best birthday ever," he breathed.

Castiel laughed, managing to just get off of Dean before collapsing next to him breathless."I'm glad," he chuckled, kissing Dean's cheek. He was well and truly spent and could still feel Dean's cum inside him. "I should shower," he commented without any attempt of getting up. He closed his eyes and rested his head on Dean's chest. "Maybe if I'm up for it I'll let you go another round on me," he teased, smirking as he fell into a light nap.

Dean laughed and took a few deep breaths to slow his heart rate down, feeling the sweat cool on his overheated skin. "Your recovery time is pretty impressive," Dean said with a playful grin, turning to the side and curling into Castiel. He leaned over to plant a kiss to Castiel's lips. "Love you," he murmured, smiling softly at Castiel as he slowly drifted to sleep. "I'll wake you up in about an hour, babe." He murmured, leaning over to set the alarm on his cell phone.

Castiel was only half listening. He frowned, peering down at Dean with one eye. "Did you just set a sex alarm?" he asked with a quiet chuckle, rolling his eyes and pressing his head back into the pillow and falling back into sleep. Castiel, wrapping a protective arm around Dean as they slept in their new bed, in their new room after having great sex that left Castiel smiling into slumber.

Dean grinned and kissed Castiel's nose. "Maybe," he whispered. He couldn't stop smiling, and he looked around the room as Castiel drifted off to sleep. He couldn't believe that this was their very own room. They could live here together, or as much as Dean wanted to get away from home, and Sam was welcome here too. It meant so much to Dean, and he looked down at Castiel's sleepy face and kissed him softly. "I love you," he murmured, feeling so thankful that this amazing person was in his arms right now.


	39. Chapter 39

Castiel awoke an hour later to the sound of Dean's alarm. He moaned in protest, taking the phone and switching the alarm off. He kissed Dean's nose, smiling happily. "Hey, birthday boy," he smiled with a large smirk, stroking Dean's sides and curling up beside him. "You ready for your party?" he murmured happily, kissing Dean's cheek and stroking his chest soothingly.

Dean hummed happily when Castiel woke him up with a kiss to his nose and touched his skin softly. He squirmed slightly when Castiel's fingers trailed over his sides, and then he opened his eyes with a lazy smile. "Yeah," he mumbled sleepily, stretching and tangling his fingers in Castiel's messy hair. "Well, I guess we can say the bed is broken in now."

Castiel laughed lightly, snuggling closer into Dean's side. "I think the bed is better broken," Castiel mused with a wolfish grin. He leaned into Dean's hand and sighed happily. He nudged his nose against Dean's neck and inhaled deeply. "Don't you, kitten?" He stretched slowly, pushing against Dean before pushing back up onto his knees and sliding out of bed to go into the shower, leaving the door open for if Dean wanted to join him.

Dean nodded in agreement. "Definitely," he said, and then watched as Castiel walked to the bathroom, all lean muscle and soft skin, and Dean followed almost immediately. He stumbled gracelessly out of the bed and got into the shower with Castiel, adjusting the water so it was warm and began washing away the remnants of sex from their bodies. He met Castiel's eyes and then slowly pushed him against the wall with his body for a tender, lingering kiss.

Castiel smirked when Dean came in and watched as Dean moved slowly around him. The water brushing over them and soaking the warmth into their already heated skin. His hands slipping around Dean's waist as he pulled him into the kiss. Everything was soft and tender and just beautiful. Their wet skin slotting together perfectly as they explored each others bodies. Each piece of skin seeming just a interesting as the first time it was touched. Castiel let out a small gasp and detached his lips from Dean's. His lips pressing back to Dean's neck and sucking gently on the skin.

Dean sighed and his eyes fluttered close as Castiel's lips sucked his neck lightly, and he angled his hips and slowly rubbed against Cas, sliding up and down his body in a painfully slow rhythm. The water on their skin reduced the friction between them and caused a delicious slide of skin on skin, smooth and warm and achingly perfect. Dean reached down and took both of their cocks in his hand and pumped them slowly together.

Castiel gasped pressing his lips firmer against Dean's skin when his lover touch them slowly. His hips moved slowly with Dean's hand. He gripped hold of Dean's shoulder's, kissing and nipped at his neck as he made his way slowly back to Dean's lips. Dean knew just how to touch him. How to make him beg. "I love you," he murmured against Dean's lips, moving his hips a bit faster into Dean's hand.

Dean moaned softly at the hot slide of skin, and he captured Castiel's lips in a passionate, hot kiss. "Love you," he answered breathlessly, and then kissed him again deeply. The water raining down on them was warm and the air was filled with steam and heat, and Dean fisted them a little tighter and increased his rhythm to match with Castiel's.

Castiel gasped again, moaning heavily. It felt so good. Having Dean touching him like this. After so long of having to wait. He felt so love. No Jimmy. No school. No families. Just him and Dean. He moaned again as Dean pumped a little faster. He bit his lip, feeling himself close to the edge. "Oh God, Tiger. Don't stop," he breathed, coming into Dean's hand with a strangled moan, forehead pressed against Dean's shoulder and his hands pressed against his hips.

Dean let out a strangled moan into Castiel's neck as his hand got clumsy and his rhythm got off. Within seconds he was coming almost at the same time as Castiel, panting hard and biting at Castiel's neck and shoulder. His other hand came up to cup the back of Castiel's neck and he just held him as they both slowed down and caught their breath.

Castiel panted hard, trying to get his breathing to calm down. He stroked Dean's side. Letting the water run over them. Making them both feel warm and truly relaxed. When he could feel like standing properly. He pushed himself off the wall and wrapped his arms around Dean and managed to get them out of the shower and began to towel dry Dean's skin, kissing it softly once he'd dried it and moved onto the next limb until Dean was throughly dry.

Dean watched in silence as Castiel lovingly dried him off, making sure to get every inch of his body dry and kissing the skin when he was finished. Dean just let him do it, Castiel's touch leaving him speechless at the intimacy of it. When Dean was completely dried off, he returned the favor and then roughly toweled dry Castiel's hair. He lifted the towel off Castiel's head and ruffled his damp hair with a soft smile. "You look like a little puppy who just played in the rain," he said in amusement.

Castiel smiled and stood up and gasped softly when Dean returned the favour. It felt so intimate and loving. He giggled when Dean tussled his hair. "You're adorable," he murmured, kissing Dean's lips as he looked over his warm tanned skin and bright eyes. "Come on," he smiled, taking Dean's hand. "Let's get dressed for your party. I'm feeling in the mood to dance."

Dean grinned in agreement and walked back to their bedroom. It was so thrilling to think of it as theirs, not Castiel's, and Dean couldn't believe it was really true. Once they were back in the room, Dean stood beside Castiel and carefully pawed through the wardrobe to find something to wear. "It's not formal or anything," He told Cas, "Casual clothes are good." Sam had planned it and paid for everything, and Dean knew he had a limited budget but all he wanted was to spend time with his loved ones on his birthday.

Castiel nodded. "I can't sway my hips in those suits," he teased, swaying his hips against Dean's and rocking their bodies together as he got Dean to play dance with him around the room. He giggled, kissing Dean lightly before moving away and fetching some clothes. He got a pair of dark jeans and a v-neck shirt that hugged his figure, putting them on quickly and giving Dean a spin. "This okay?"

Dean laughed and played along, swaying with Castiel as they danced naked around the bedroom. He looked at Castiel's outfit and nodded, humming in approval. "You're gorgeous," he said seriously, "You could wear a trash bag and you'd still look hot. But don't actually do that." He grinned teasingly. "You look great." Dean pulled on some faded grey jeans and a tight black tank top, over which he wore a dark red plaid flannel shirt, unbuttoned and with the sleeves pushed up to the elbows.

Castiel wolf-whistled, looking Dean up and down. "Looking good, birthday boy," he smirked, giving a quick wink and a slap to Dean's ass. He held out a small gift wrapped present and gave it to Dean. "Here," he smiled. "Just a little something that you can open. I didn't fancy wrapping up the whole room with paper," he smirked, looking for his hidden alcohol that he'd saved for the party and put it on the desk.

Dean took the gift with a disbelieving look. "Cas, you've given me so much already," He held the gift in his hands and watched as Castiel took out a bottle and set it on the desk, and he raised his eyebrows with a grin. "You really went all out," he said, "Does this mean I get to unwrap you again later tonight?" He began tearing the wrapping paper slowly.

Castiel chuckled, opening his bottle of Vodka and taking a swig. "Sure does, baby," he winked. He watched as Dean unwrapped the gift, revealing a small handmade book. Each page with a photo of him and Dean and a caption underneath. Photos from Paris, Dean's, Castiel's, school, the beach. There were also clippings from the cinema, date nights even a few poems and notes Castiel had written him. On the front cover was the very first photo taken of them together on Castiel's bike, all happy and smiling and in love. Castiel smiled bashfully as Dean opened the present, hoping he'd like it.

Dean's jaw dropped as he opened the gift and began carefully flipping through the pages. Each picture stirred a beautiful memory inside him, and he smiled in amazement as he looked at each and every picture. The one on the front of the book, of them on the bike, was Dean's favorite, because Castiel looked shy and surprised, but happy and they were in love. Dean looked up at Castiel and noticed all the ways in which he'd changed. It had only been last year, but they both looked so much younger. "Cas, this is perfect," he murmured, setting the book down on the desk and walking right up to Cas and pulling him into a tight hug.

Castiel smiled brightly, hugging Dean tightly. "I'm glad," he said honestly. He wanted Dean to have something when times got tough he'd have something to remind him that things would get better. He grinned, kissing Dean's cheek and leaning back to grab the bottle. "Here, wrap those gorgeous lips around this," he smirked, pushing the bottle into Dean's hand.

Dean laughed and took the bottle, taking a generous swig and then setting it on the desk. "We can't show up drunk," he protested with a grin, "We can save that for later." He checked his phone for the time and then ruffled Castiel's hair affectionately. "We should probably get going," he said, "Sam said to get there around 5:00 and it's getting late."

Castiel laughed. "Yeah, okay." He took another quick swig before capping the bottle and putting it in his bag. "Okay, love. Let's go," he smiled. He took his hand and took them downstairs to Dean's car. "Ready to party," he grinned, dead excited to drink and dance and have fun with Dean and Sam and all their friends.

They got into the car and Dean drove over to his own house, and he realized with a slight twinge of guilt that he hadn't been spending much time there lately, but it was okay because his dad still hadn't quite accepted his relationship with Castiel and Sam had been getting out a lot and spending time with his friends, and for once they were both happy. When they pulled into the driveway, there were already several cars parked on the side of the road, and the house looked warm and welcoming. Dean got out of the car feeling slightly nervous. He hoped everything would go well.

Castiel got out of the car with Dean and kissed his cheek. "It'll be okay, love," he grinned. They went inside, Sam grinning widely as they came in. Castiel grinning and waving over at Sam. There was already a few people here. Colbertt, Meg and Bela as well as Ruby who had been helping Sam set up.

Sam looked up from his excited conversation with Corbett and grinned widely at Dean and Cas. He hurried over to give them a tight hug, saying, "Happy birthday, Dean!" Dean laughed and hugged him back before playfully shoving him off. "Thanks, Sammy," he said, smiling warmly at his brother. Dean looked around at the room. The living room furniture was cleared out, leaving a huge empty space in the room, and the couches and chairs had been moved off to the side out of the way. "Everyone else should be here pretty soon, and there's pizza coming in a little bit." Sam said excitedly.

Castiel grinned, looking around. "Looks amazing, Sam," he praised. Ruby hook an arm around his. "Come on sweetie, let's get our boys a drink," she winked, taking Castiel away to give the brothers some privacy. There was a little drink table set up. Mostly weak drinks so things didn't get out of hand but enough to get happily drunk on. "Hows it going with Sam?" Castiel asked as he poured four drinks of punch. "Yeah, he's great. Really sweet," Ruby smiled, taking only one cup. One for Sam. Castiel took the other two. Castiel gave a small uncertain look. "Sam don't want one?" he asked. Ruby shook her head. "I don't. I..uh, I think..Oh Cas, I'm in trouble," she said, biting her lip and looking at Castiel with trusting eyes.

Dean threw his arm around Sam's shoulders. "This is pretty awesome," he said, "Thanks for doing this, Sammy." Sam grinned back at him and punched him lightly on the shoulder. "No problem. You're 18 now, dude! Practically an adult." Dean rolled his eyes and shoved Sam. "I've been an adult for years, bro. Raising you was no easy task. Hey, where's Dad?" Sam's smile faded a little and he shrugged. "I don't know, he said he had to go out for a little bit but he's coming back soon." Corbett approached them, holding a plastic cup, and smiled at Dean. "Happy birthday," he said with a grin.

Castiel blinked, taking a few moment to register what she was implying. "Oh honey," he sighed, putting down his drinks and hooking an arm around her. "Come on, let's go talk in the garden," he said, taking a few snacks out with them and a couple of sodas. Ruby seemed happy that she had Castiel to talk to. Sam well, she couldn't. Not yet. Dean was Sam's brother and all the girls at school would just call her a slut. But Castiel was her friend and not too close to Sam to feel inclined to tell him. Not like Dean would. They sat in the back yard, under the tree but facing away from the house so they hid behind it so no one could see them and feel inclined to talk to them so they were truly alone to talk this out.

Dean smiled back at Corbett and laughed as he was pulled into a warm, excited hug. "Thanks for coming, Corbett," Dean said. Suddenly, the doorbell rang and Sam hurried over to answer it, and Anna walked in. She walked up to Dean and smiled shyly at him, leaning up to give him a kiss on the cheek and a hug. "It's good to see you," she said, and Dean hugged her back. They didn't have any classes together this year and she was busy taking a lot of advanced classes, so they didn't see each other as much bit it was nice to see her here for his party.

Castiel took a long sip of soda and put the snacks aside before taking Ruby and wrapping an arm around her. "You want to tell me what happened?" Castiel asked gently. Ruby gave him a curious look. Castiel rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Okay," he laughed. "I know /what/ happened. I meant..how. Don't you use protection?" Ruby nodded, "It's not always 100% though. I'm late, Cas. I'm regular as clockwork. I know I'm pregnant. I just know it." Castiel looked at her curiously. "You didn't take a test?" he asked. Ruby shook her head, "No. I did. It's positive." Castiel gave a worried look. "What are you gonna do?" Ruby began sobbing, curling up against Castiel. "I don't know," she trembled. Castiel, rubbed her back, trying his best to calm her down.

The doorbell rang again and Sam opened it to let in Andy and Adam, two of Sam's friends that Dean had gotten to know better this year. They came up to Dean and wished him a happy birthday, and then Sam went off to talk to them, leaving Anna and Dean together with Corbett. Meg and Bela, attached at the hip as always, were playing with the music and arguing over which playlist to use, and John walked into the front door holding a bag. He set the bag on the ground and walked over to Dean with a smile. "There he is," he said, pulling Dean forward into a crushing hug. "Happy birthday, son." Dean hugged his father back, but there was still an uncomfortable tension between them.

"You need to tell him," Castiel said after a while. "He needs to know. Even if you decide not to keep it. He needs to know. It'll hang over your head and consume you if you don't. Trust me. I know what it's like for a secret to destroy everything you love," he said quietly. Ruby was silent for a long time before noddding. "You're right," she sniffed. "I...I just need a moment." Castiel nodded, rubbing her back. "Take all the time you need," he assured, kissing her temple. They stayed like that for a long time, Castiel making sure she would be okay. And refusing to let her go until he knew she'd be okay.

John put his hands on Dean's shoulders and held him at arm's length to look at him. "My boy, all grown up. Look at you." Dean groaned and tried to pull away. "Dad, seriously? I'm 18." John smiled softly at him and ruffled his hair. "You're still a little boy to me, son." Dean blushed and ducked away from his father's hand in embarrassment. "Where's your boyfriend, isn't he coming?" There was a strained tone to John's voice that made Dean's smile fade and he nodded. "He's here," he said, and looked back at John challengingly.

Castiel gave a small sad smile, holding her close. Ruby finally came to, looking up at Castiel with a small sad smile of her own. "I'm sorry," she sniffed. "Thank you for sitting with me." Castiel held her close, rubbing her back. "It's okay, honey. You're safe. You've got people who love you and we'll get through it all together." Ruby nodded, smiling weakly. "I..I need to go talk to Sam," Ruby muttered, getting up to go back into the house and find Sam. Castiel stayed out by the tree trying to get his head around what had just happened.

Dean was interrupted by the entrance of Ruby, and he frowned in confusion when he saw her face. She looked like she'd been crying and was trying to hide it, and she walked right up to Sam. Sam frowned in concern and wrapped his arms around her. "Hey, you alright?" He asked quietly, and then led her out of the room. John watched them and shrugged helplessly, not knowing how to deal with any teen drama they might be having, and then he walked into the kitchen to prepare some food. Ellen, having known John for years, had also come over to celebrate Dean's birthday, and Jo was coming over later. Finally, Meg and Bela agreed on some music to play and they dimmed the lights to make the room look more like a dance club, and a cheer erupted as people started dancing and drinking. Dean looked around for Cas, but he was nowhere to be seen and was pulled into a dance with Meg.

Ruby spent a long time explaining to Sam what had happened. Their was shouting and tears, mostly hers and after an hour and a half of talking she found herself back outside in Castiel's arms. By this time Castiel had found his Vodka and was pretty drunk and leaned against the tree. After what Ruby had told him he felt pretty down. Didn't feel like dancing or ruining everyones good time so he stayed outside. So when Ruby came back out crying he blinked lazily at her, frowing. "Honey, what's wrong?" he murmured. Ruby sniffed, tucking her head into Castiel's chest. "He accused me of cheating," she sobbed.

Dean was having a great time with his friends, but he still didn't know where Cas was. He couldn't get away from the party though, because everyone wanted to talk to him or dance with him and he didn't want to be rude. But he had no idea where Cas had gotten to, and Dean decided he'd go and check on him in a second. Everyone was getting pretty drunk, and it was hot inside the room. Suddenly, Sam came back and grabbed Dean's arm, an unreadable expression on his face that stopped Dean in his tracks. He leaned down and said in Dean's ear to be heard above the music, "I need to talk to you. In my room." Dean frowned in concern and then followed his brother upstairs. "What's up?" He asked, trying to shake away the effects of the alcohol and sitting on the edge of Sam's bed. Sam's eyes were distant and he looked pale and shell-shocked, every muscle so tense that Dean wouldn't be surprised if he exploded. "Ruby just... she just told me." He had to pause and clear his throat, and then looked up at Dean with tears in his eyes, and Dean knew what was coming before he even heard it. "She told me she's pregnant."

"Then what?" Castiel asked gently. Ruby sobbing into his shirt. He rubbed her back for a long time as she just let out all the tears. Ruby sobbed, "I don't know. I just had to leave. I had to come see you." Castiel sighed, rubbing her back. "He seemed so mad. I just couldn't deal with it. I didn't know what to do," she sobbed. Castiel just held her. "Okay, honey. Just breath," he soothed, sobering up a little and trying to stay focus although he was pretty drunk. "You need to go back and talk to him," he said gently. "It's the only way you'll get through this. Together." Ruby nodded, "Okay, I'm sorry. I just need to get some air." Castiel nodded, understanding. "Okay." Ruby breathed heavily through her nose before lifting herself up and heading back inside to go talk to Sam some more. Castiel drank more. This wasn't the party he had in mind.

Dean stared in disbelief. His little brother had gotten a girl pregnant, something he never thought would happen. "Sam," he croaked, "Are you... is she sure?" Sam nodded miserably, his face crumbling as he broke down, and Dean's heart ached and he pulled his little brother close to him. "She said she took a test and it's positive," he sobbed, and Dean stroked his hair and held him, trying to stay calm even though he could feel a surge of panic rising in his chest. "I don't understand how this happened, Dean!" Sam cried, clinging onto his brother tightly. "It can't be mine. We used protection every single time. I think she cheated." Dean closed his eyes and tried to calm Sam down. Sam was still a kid, and he wasn't ready to handle the responsibility of a baby. "Sam, you know that this happens sometimes," he murmured, "Sometimes they break and it's a very slim chance, but it still happens. I know for a fact that that girl would never cheat on you, Sam. I trust her, and you should too. Now you need to man up and go talk to her about this, okay?" Sam sniffed and sobbed into Dean's shoulder. "Okay," he choked out, "Dean... I'm sorry for ruining your party." Dean sighed and kissed Sam's forehead. "Yeah, you should be sorry. It'll be okay, Sam. Go talk to your girlfriend."

Corbett found his way outside, not noticing Castiel sitting behind a tree. He'd been waiting for Dean all night. He wanted to give him is present but he'd never had a chance. He wanted to give it to him in person. Castiel continued to drink by himself, thinking Dean was still having fun and not wanting to ruin it by bringing him into this mess just yet. Ruby had gone upstairs to find Sam and smiled weakly at Dean and Sam. "I want to speak to Sam alone," she mumbled, putting a piece of hair behind her ear. She didn't look up from the door way but she knew that Dean would leave soon and give them some privacy. She curled up by Sam's side, sobbing again and apologizing over and over again, begging for forgiveness.

Sam was about to get up, but he didn't have to when Ruby entered the room again. He looked at her with a hard stare, hiding any sign of emotion, and Dean gave Ruby a reassuring nod. He stood up and walked out of the room, hoping they'd be able to talk about everything in a healthy, productive way and not have any more fights. Sam stiffened and looked at Ruby uncertainly, but she was sobbing into his shoulder. "What are we going to do?" He asked quietly, feeling as if he was in a dream. This couldn't be real. On his way outside, Dean snagged a bottle of beer and ducked away from his drunken friends, just needing to get some air after that news. He stumbled down the dark yard and saw a figure standing around in the yard, and recognized Corbett.

Corbett gave a small smile when he saw Dean. "Hey, birthday boy," he said giving Dean a bright smile, oblivious to the news of what had happened. Castiel perked up hearing Dean being addressed but figured he'd let him talk to his guests before seeing him again. Castiel always spent time with Dean. It was only fair that he got to speak with other people to. Corbett stood timidly on the spot, smiling nervously at Dean. He was a bit tipsy and not quite himself right now. "You having fun?" Corbett asked Dean.

Dean smiled, hoping it didn't look as forced as it felt. He took a long swig of his beer and took a few steps forward until he was standing in front of Corbett. "Yeah," he lied, not wanting to burden anyone else with his anxiety and unhappiness, and he didn't want news to get out of Ruby's pregnancy, at least not until she was ready to tell him. "How about you?" He said, his voice slightly slurred from the alcohol he'd consumed. "Having a good time?"

Corbett nodded, smiling sweetly. "Yeah. Thanks for inviting me. I appreciate it." He squeezed Dean's arm briefly and smiled a little too friendly but it was probably the alcohol talking. He leaned in a bit, breath hitching as he found himself leaning up to kiss Dean. His lips pressing against Dean's clumsily. His whole body pressing against Dean as he tried to get closer to him. Castiel looked from behind the tree to see who Dean was talking to when he saw it. His heart in his mouth as he saw his worst nightmares. Jimmy could never make him feel this ill. He could never make him feel as sick as Dean had in this moment by cheating on him with another man. And not a woman at that. He thought he was the only guy Dean found attractive.

Before Dean even knew what was happening, Corbett was pressed against him and they were kissing, and it took a few seconds for Dean to come to his senses enough to push Corbett away. He raised a hand to his lips in shock and stared at him with wide eyes. "What the hell?" He murmured, backing away a little bit. "Corbett... what? Why did you kiss me?" He asked in disbelief, suddenly feeling completely sober. Corbett was the only other guy who'd kissed Dean, and it occurred to him that he'd probably been Corbett's first kiss with another guy.

Corbett was going to answer but Castiel had appeared from behind the tree, bottle in hand. "You son of a bitch," he growled, drunk as fuck and only feeling the effects now that he'd stood up. He was wobbling and blinking repeatedly as he tried to stay standing. "Get the fuck off of him," he said to Dean, oblivious that Dean hadn't started the kiss or even wanted to kiss Corbett. "I'm never going to stop loving you," he quoted angrily, jabbing Dean in the chest. "Is that what you say to all your whores?" he asked feeling like a fool. If he'd caught this who knew how many other times it had happened. "You're fucking unbelievable," he cried out, ignoring when Corbett tried to step in a explain.

Dean stumbled backwards in surprise as Castiel came out of nowhere and started yelling. "Cas, what the fuck?" He demanded, turning to face him and noticing the bottle in Castiel's hand. "What the hell are you talking about, he kissed me! Did you not just see that?" He was hurt. It hurt him that after everything they'd done, Castiel still didn't trust him enough to believe that he was the only one. Dean turned to Corbett and put his hand on the boy's chest to push him back. "Go inside," he ordered roughly, not looking at him. "Get the hell out of here, Corbett."

Corbett stuttered, "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." Castiel glared at him, this was his fault to but right now he was pissed at Dean. "All I saw was you smackin' lips with that asshat," Castiel growled. He took another swig at his Vodka bottle, about half of it gone. "You're supposed to be mine, you fuck," Castiel yelled. "What? You get off with kissing other boys? Am I not good enough for you?" Castiel was beyond drunk at this point and there was no going back now.

Dean sighed and yanked the bottle out of Castiel's hands before he could take yet another drink of the liquid. He threw the bottle as hard as he could and heard it shatter somewhere. "Are you blind?" He yelled, getting right up in Castiel's face. "_He_ kissed _me_! I pushed him away!" Dean's heart was broken, but he was too angry to be sad. "I know you saw that. You're just too scared to admit that maybe someone else likes me and wants to kiss me. Is that it? Maybe I do like kissing other boys. Who knows, maybe you do too!" Dean knew his words were extremely hurtful and were damaging to Castiel's already fragile emotional state, but he didn't care. He was too drunk and too hurt to even fully realize what he was saying.

Castiel stared at his hand for a long time, missing the feeling of the bottle in his hand. "I wasn't finished with that," he muttered, whatever Dean was saying flying right past him. He gasped when Dean said he might like kissing other people too. He slapped Dean hard across the face. "YOU DUMB FUCK!" he cried out, gritting his teeth as he breathed hard, getting in Dean's face. "Even if I did. I would NEVER stoop so low as to even try. You are the only one for me and nothing will ever change that. Since we've been together I haven't looked at another person that way. Nor have I fantasied about anyone else. You know why? 'Cause you're enough!" He pushed past Dean and stormed through the house, going out the front door and started walking home. Tears sliding down his face as he hurt and betrayed by everything that had happened tonight.

Dean stared at the spot where Castiel had been standing as a stinging pain smarted across his cheek. He was strangely calm and emotionless, not having quite processed what had just happened. He knew he'd hurt Castiel, but Cas had hurt him so many times and Dean didn't know what to do anymore. He couldn't feel anything, so he just headed back inside in a daze. Standing in the doorway, he gazed around at the people having fun, not knowing what had happened. Dean could've laughed. This entire night was straight out of a soap opera, and it really couldn't get much worse. He pasted on a smile and headed over to the drink table and grabbed another beer, drinking it desperately. He wasn't nearly drunk enough for this.

Castiel had made it half way down the road when he stopped, shaking his head. He turned back around and decided to give Corbett a piece of his mind. Why should he get off so lightly? He stormed back into the house, finding the little shit responsible for ruining his night and grabbed him by the collar. Corbett squealed, getting pressed up against the drinks table. "C-Cas! I'm so so sorry I-I didn't mean-," Corbett apologized getting interrupted by Castiel's lips on his. Castiel could see Dean out the corner of his eye and smirked, pulling away after a moment, dropping Corbett's shirt from his grip and looking over at Dean. "Guess we're even now, baby. How's that make YOU feel, huh?!" he demanded angrily, staggering over and pretty much having to lean on Dean for support. "Because I feel like a ton of crap," he grumbled, feeling himself cry again.

There was a brief confused panic as Castiel suddenly stormed into the room and shoved Corbett against the table, beer cans and bottles scattering everywhere. A few of the girls screamed and then Castiel was kissing Corbett. Dean was pretty drunk, but nowhere near as drunk as Castiel was, but Dean was still angry and he stepped away from him. "Don't touch me," he growled, and backed away to leave the room. He headed back outside and began walking, not caring where he was going or how long it took, but he had to get away from that house.

Corbett looked confused as hell as well as everyone else but Castiel didn't care. He followed Dean, determined in his drunk mind to set things right. "You just gonna walk away?" he shouted after Dean. "After everything we've been through you're just gonna give up on us?!" He felt disgusted, sick to the stomach although that may have just been the alcohol. Dean had hurt him and he wanted his Dean back. His caring, loving Dean. "Hey!" he called out, almost caught up with Dean near a local park down the street. "Don't ignore me. I know you can hear me."

Dean stopped suddenly and turned around to glare at Cas. "Oh. Hi honey, didn't see you there." He said in a mock sweet voice laced with angry venom. "What do you want to talk about? How about we start with the fact that after everything I've done for you you still don't trust me? Or how about the fact that you think so poorly of me that you assume I'd be perfectly happy with another guy? Well, the truth is, I don't know!" He threw his hands up in the air in angry defeat and shook his head. "Just when I think everything's good, something like this happens. Every time. You lose your shit and leave me to clean it up." He took another step towards Castiel and glowered at him furiously. "You don't even know how to be happy, and you're always dragging me down with you. You're a paranoid, untrusting, accusing asshole." Dean barely knew what he was saying, only that it was bad, but he wanted to hurt Cas. He was angry, and he wanted to hurt Cas.

Castiel gazed at Dean silently for a long time, listening to him speak. "You're right," he said quietly. "I'm paranoid a-and untrusting but you know what..I have a right to be," he said, voice still soft. "I have done nothing but get beaten up and bullied and molested my entire life by people who I've been told are supposed to love me no matter what. So when something finally good happens to me. You better believe I'll handle it with care because I am so damn afraid to get hurt like that again. Or for the one I love to get hurt too. So I'm sorry, really I am if I'm quick to jump the bullet but you have to remember all of this. It's happened before. And I want to make sure it never does again." He felt eerie without raising his voice but he found there was no need. He wanted to put things right and shouting wouldn't help. He felt like he was sobering up a bit too. He let out a shaky breath, looking at Dean sternly. "So you got to ask yourself a question. If you can't handle my issues. Then what are you still doin' here talking to me?"

Dean was breathing hard after the quick walk down to the park and his angry rant at Castiel, and his breath came in little puffs in the cold night air. Suddenly, all his anger melted away and left nothing but a tired sadness and a feeling of defeated hopelessness. "Dammit, Cas," he muttered, stumbling away and shoving his hands in his pockets as he sat down shakily on a swing. He tipped his head forward and stared at the ground, chin tucked into his chest. "Cas, you're the one who followed me out here." He sighed, "So that better mean you're ready to listen. What happened between me and Corbett was a mistake, and it was his fault. He kissed me and it caught me off guard. I don't know why he did it, but we were both drunk and I'm still drunk and I can't..." He trailed off and sagged against one side of the swing's chains and tried to breathe. He still couldn't look at Cas.

Castiel watched as Dean slumped in defeat. He mostly just felt tired now. Maybe Dean was telling the truth. He probably just over reacted. He remembered seeing Corbett acting weird with Dean in the hall the other day. It made sense. He stood behind Dean and curled his arms around him, leaning down to rest his chin on his shoulder. "It's late. We're both too drunk for this. Let's just call it a night and go to bed. I just want to put this behind us. Please." He was looking at Dean but he wasn't looking back. He gave a sad sigh, kissing his cheek before pulling away. He came around to face the front of Dean and held out his hand for him. "I love you and you love me. Nothing else matters," he shrugged tiredly. It'd been a long day for both of them.

Dean tensed as Castiel touched him and he forced himself not to pull away. They were both hurting enough already and Dean wanted things to go back to the way they were, but now this was between them and it would take time to fix. He wasn't quite ready to forgive Cas yet, but he didn't want to cause him any more pain. He stood up and began walking away, not taking Castiel's outstretched hand and still not meeting his eyes. "I'm going back to my house," he said flatly, "It's almost time for everyone to go home anyway. You can stay or you can go, I don't care."

Castiel felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach but he probably deserved that. He pocketed his hand and sighed, walking alongside Dean. "I'll stay. I need to talk to Ruby in the morning anyways," he said absently, scratching his head. "I'll sleep on the couch," he muttered, heart-trodden. He didn't want to hurt Dean anymore than he already had. He was not looking forward to tomorrow. That's all he could say.

Dean said nothing the rest of the way back to the house, and when they got inside people gave him and Castiel concerned looks. Dean plastered on a fake grin and walked through the group of people to Corbett. He grabbed Corbett by the collar of his shirt and dragged him into the kitchen, giving Castiel a warning look to stay away as he did so. Once they were alone in the kitchen, Dean let go of Corbett's shirt and sighed. "Wanna explain what the hell that was?" He asked tiredly.

Castiel saw the way Dean looked at him and he was fucking scared. Like Dean was actually capable of hitting him by the way he looked at him. He headed out into the garden to be alone. He decided to do something useful and pick up the piece of bottle Dean had thrown earlier before someone hurt themselves. Corbett squealed when Dean took him aside. He looked so guilty and frightened. "Dean I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to I-I was way out of line. I just...I thought you liked me too," he sighed, scratching the back of his head defeatedly. "I'm sorry. I should go," he said, gesturing to the door and making his way out quickly.

Dean leaned against the counter and rubbed his eyes miserably. "Corbett, Cas and me are planning to get married, okay? How could you not know that? I'm happy to be your friend and I'm sorry if I gave any mixed signals, but I'm not interested, alright?" Dean watched as Corbett walked away, and then he sagged down into a kitchen chair. The kitchen was dark and empty, while the rest of the people were still in the living room area enjoying themselves, and Dean was grateful for it. He dropped his head down to the tabletop and closed his eyes, needing a few minutes to just be alone.

Castiel finished collecting the pieces of bottle up from in the backyard, making sure the spot where he and Ruby had sat all night was cleared too. He came into the kitchen and disposed of the garbage. He saw Dean standing there and he sighed softly, not wanting to disturb him. He poured himself some coffee, figuring he should start sobering up. He was way too drunk for his own good.

Dean recognized Castiel's footsteps as he entered the room, but he didn't lift his head up from the table. He opened his eyes and watched Castiel move around the kitchen, doing the mundane task of preparing himself a cup of coffee, and Dean didn't move. His eyes followed Castiel's movements through the room, and after a long moment he said softly, "I'm not cheating on you, Cas. I would never do that."

Castiel swallowed a mouthful of coffee before addressing Dean. "I know," he said quietly, looking over at Dean. "I overreacted. I shouldn't have. I have every right to trust you Dean. And I do," he stressed, voice still soft. "I was just upset is all. I didn't know how to react and I ended up not using my senses. I'm sorry Dean." He took enough sip of coffee and placed his hand on the table between them, like a peace offering. Wondering if Dean would accept it or not.

Dean lifted his head slightly and stared at Castiel's hand for a moment. If there was one thing Dean hated, it was getting into fights with people he loved. He was one who always wanted to avoid emotional conflict like this, no matter how he may appear on the outside. He slowly slid his own hand across the table until it tentatively touched Castiel's just slightly. "You're an idiot," he said softly, "Especially when you're drunk. I'm not gonna let you touch alcohol ever again." He smiled weakly to show Cas that he was forgiven, but he was still hurting inside.

Castiel huffed out a small laugh at Dean's comment. "Yeah, I think that'd be wise," he smiled, finishing his coffee and moving away to pour himself a glass of water before returning to stand by Dean, offering him some of his beverage. "I hope Ruby's okay," he said quietly to himself. "She was a complete mess earlier. I'll have to talk to her tomorrow, I guess." He sipped some water before putting it on the table.

Dean gratefully took the water and sipped it before giving it back to Cas. "Shit," he groaned, resting his head on the table again. With the alcohol still in his system and the huge misunderstanding with Corbett and Cas, he'd almost forgotten about Ruby and Sam. "Shit, shit, shit. What the hell am I gonna do? Ruby's parents are gonna murder Sam. And it's not gonna be pretty." He sighed and banged his head on the hard wood a few times. "And there's no way they can raise a kid, they're in high school!"

Castiel reached out tentatively for Dean, stroking his hair to stop him from banging his head. "We'll figure something out," Castiel assured. "Let's not think about it tonight," he insisted softly. "I have yet to dance with the beautiful birthday boy," he said, pulling Dean gently off the table and into a slow dance around the kitchen. The music was too fast for it but it didn't matter. It was just them. That's what mattered. Sharing a moment of intimacy in privacy whilst everyone continued to dance and laugh and drink in the other room.

Dean gratefully leaned into Castiel's familiar warmth and sighed deeply. Their lives had suddenly gotten so much more complicated, and Dean was terrified of what would happen when Ruby's parents and John found out about that. He reluctantly pushed the stressful thoughts out of his head and just focused on Castiel as they slowly danced around the dark kitchen. It wasn't as late as Dean thought it was, especially considering all the things that had happened. "That was Corbett's first kiss," Dean said sadly, "Poor guy's gonna be scarred for life." He hugged Castiel a little tighter and murmured, "We've gotta find him a boyfriend. Take him to a gay bar or something, I don't know."

Castiel was overcome with guilt, having used Corbett to try and make them even. "He's just scared," Castiel chipped in. "He just needs to know what's out there. Must be hard seeing as we're the only open couple at school." He wrapped a hand in Dean's hair and stroked it softly. "We'll take him out," Castiel promised, wanting to make things right for everyone again. "I think there's a bar out in the city." He continued to dance with Dean until the music changed again. He pressed a soft kiss to Dean's cheek. "You should probably get back out there," he said sadly, wanting to be selfish and keep Dean to himself but that wasn't fair. It was _Dean_'_s _birthday after all.

Dean took a deep breath and smiled, relieved that things were okay between them. He nodded in agreement and pulled Cas in for a light kiss on the lips before backing away and stretching. "Yeah, people must be wondering where we are. I think Corbett ditched, he ran out of the house like it was on fire." He sighed regretfully and shook his head. There was nothing they could do but approach him tomorrow and make things right. "Come on, let's go make the best of this night."

Castiel nodded, taking Dean's hand and leading him slowly into the other room. A few people looked concerned but most were too drunk or dancing to notice them. Castiel pressed a soft kiss to Dean's cheek, just to stop people from asking if they were okay. Hopefully that would be enough. He headed over to the speakers where Dean's iPod was and picked out a song he knew would put Dean in good spirits.

(Feeling Good by Muse :D)

(Good song 3)

Dean smiled shyly at the people who looked at them curiously, but the room was crowded and dark and everyone was drunk. He grinned at Castiel's song choice and turned around to wrap his arms around Castiel's waist so they could dance. The song was more mellow and not as energetic and lively, and people started to clumsily slow dance around them. Dean reached over to the table beside him and grabbed a water bottle, which he opened and drank thirstily, not wanting to get drunk anymore. He scanned the room for Ruby and Sam, but he didn't see either of them, but assumed they were together.

Castiel grinned, kissing Dean briefly as they came back together and danced slowly. Castiel watching as Meg and Bela practically leaned against each other to stay upright. Anna came up and hugged them both. "I have to wake up early tomorrow but this was fun. Thank you." She pulled something out of her coat pocket and handed it to Dean. "Happy Birthday," she smiled before leaving. Castiel smiled, watching her leave before returning his attention to Dean. "What d'ya get?" he smiled, nuzzling against Dean.

Dean grinned and hugged Anna back, smiling warmly at her. "Thanks for coming," he said to her, and watched as she left to walk home. He eyed the small package curiously and then carefully began unwrapping it. "I don't know," he said, but his fingers were clumsy from the alcohol and exhaustion. "Can't get it open," he giggled helplessly, leaning into Castiel.

Castiel laughed. "Well, I ain't helpin' ya. This is far too amusing to watch." He kissed Dean's cheek and watched as the other struggled with the wrapping. He grabbed another bottle of water and drained it, still feeling drunk. Dean still hadn't opened it. "Seriously?" he chuckled. "What the hells wrong with you?"

Dean made a frustrated whine and then finally tore the paper away to reveal a CD case, and the label on the CD said simply, "West Side Story". There was a note tucked into the side of it that said, "The tech crew recorded this performance of the play and I wanted you guys to have it so you can see how amazing you were. Happy Birthday, Dean! 3' Dean smiled widely at Cas. "Dude, we've gotta watch this sometime."

Castiel's eyes widened at the gift. He was a bit nervous. After all. He did get stabbed in the show. He kissed Dean's jaw. "Sounds, good," he smiled, wrapping his arms around Dean. "Can't wait to see your gorgeous ass up on that stage," he grinned, kissing Dean properly. A few drunken cheers were heard around them and Castiel chuckled, pulling away sheepishly.

Dean set the CD case down on the table and kissed Cas again, laughing against his lips. He was so glad they could do this and everything was okay. He wrapped his arms around Cas and laughed into his neck, feeling somebody slap him affectionately on the back. "Get some, Winchester!" Some guy, probably one of Sam's friends, yelled drunkenly, and Dean laughed and pulled away from Cas to get some more water, enjoying all the attention in his drunken state.

Castiel laughed, wrapping his arms around Dean's waist. It was still weird that everyone was cool with them. Especially after the awkwardness earlier. Castiel drank some more water too, curling his lips close to Dean's ear to purr seductively. "Only if you're good," he said teasingly, smiling as he pullled away to drink some more water.

Dean laughed and shoved Castiel's chest playfully and then tangled his hand in his hair, pulling Cas close for another kiss. "It doesn't matter if I'm good," he murmured against Castiel's ear, "It's my birthday. I can do whatever I want." He spotted Ruby in the corner, by the far end of the table, standing quietly in the shadows. Dean couldn't see her face very well, but he could tell by her posture that she was upset. Dean's smile faded and he nodded his head in her direction. "Ruby's over there, but I don't know where Sam... oh, nevermind." Sam walked in and scanned the room, eyes worried, and then spotted Ruby in the corner and walked over to her to offer her a water bottle.

Castiel laughed, kissing Dean back and nuzzling at the other's neck. He looked to where Dean was looking and smiled sadly. Ruby was stood in the corner looking upset and drinking the water Sam had offered. They'd come down to pretend like everything was normal for a bit but it didn't seem to be working. "You go dance with Ruby, I've got your brother covered," Castiel nodded, kissing Dean briefly before walking over to Sam. Pretending like he didn't know. He wasn't sure whether Sam knew he knew but for now it'd be easier to pretend like everything was okay. They need to relax a little before their heads exploded. "Sammy," Castiel cheered, "Come dance with me." He took Sam and pulled him away before he could protest and began dancing with him, shooting Ruby a subtle wink.

Dean smiled in amusement when Cas dragged Sam to the middle of the room and started dancing with him. They looked hilarious, Sam tall and graceless compared to Castiel's slighter build. Dean walked over to Ruby and stood beside her. "Hey," he said softly, nudging her arm with his. "You okay? Sam told me what's going on," he explained, looking down at her with an open expression. He was drunk, but not too drunk for this.

Castiel grinned, watching cautiously out of the corner of his eye how Ruby was doing. He danced with Sam, just trying to get him to loosen up. He was tense as anything. Then again. He had just been told he was going to be a father. Ruby shook her head. "Dean, don't," she pleaded. Too exhausted for this. She was watching Sam and Castiel dance and wishing it could just be that simple. "Just dance with me?" she asked, tugging at his hand.

Dean nodded in understanding and let himself be pulled out to the room and they turned to face each other. It had been a while since Dean danced with a girl, and Ruby was so small and delicate feeling in his arms, so different from Cas. He grinned down at her as they began dancing and tried to cheer her up a little. "You look really pretty. Red's a good color on you." He made a face when he realized he sounded like a snobby fashion consultant, but it was pretty funny. Sam wasn't sure why Cas was dancing with him, but he was grateful for the distraction and he smiled. "I keep thinking this is all a scary dream and I'm gonna wake up," he muttered, "but now I know it's a dream because I'm dancing with my brother's fiance. Yeah, this isn't real. Wake me up. I'm too drunk for this." Sam was overwhelmed and babbling, and he had no idea what his life was going to turn out to, but suddenly he couldn't see the future and it scared him.

Ruby hummed, smiling gratefully. "Thank you," she said, sounding a little better. "And Castiel's cologne on you is a good look. Doesn't yell slut at all," she teased, trying to keep her spirit up. Castiel laughed, feeling a bit sad by the truth behind Sam's words. "Hey," he pouted. "I ain't that bad." He pulled a few more moves to prove it. "See? Who wouldn't wanna be seen with this? It's you who ain't pullin' his weight." He took Sam's hands and got him to move a bit more, instead of just standing their like a lost puppy.

Dean grinned and blushed slightly, wondering if he really did smell like Castiel. "Hey, it's not my fault he practically jumps me every time I see him," he protested, "I just have more self-control. And can you blame him? I'm sexy as fuck." He smirked teasingly and twirled Ruby around quickly. Sam rolled his eyes and laughed despite his stress, and began actually dancing with Cas. "Yeah, well. You're not really my type, sorry." The song changed to some "Can't Take My Eyes Off of You" by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons and Dean grinned at Ruby and offered his hand dramatically. "May I have this dance, my lady?"

Ruby grinned, taking his hand. "Certainly, sir," she said in the same dramatic tone as Dean. They started dancing and Ruby found herself beginning to relax. Her hand on Dean's shoulder and other in his hand. She looked over to see Castiel still trying to get Sam to loosen up. She just wished there was a way of going through this without Sam burdening the weight too. Castiel held out his hand expectant for Sam. "Then Ruby won't mind if I have this dance," Castiel smirked, leading Sam into a slow dance.

Dean rested his hand on Ruby's waist as they danced, bumping into other random drunk couples. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood, fortunately, and Dean was relieved that Ruby was at least relaxing a little bit and having some fun. There was still time to talk about the pregnancy, but now wasn't that time. Dean laughed when he saw Sam and Cas dancing together, and Sam giggled and allowed Cas to lead him through a slow dance. "You're such a graceful princess," Sam teased, twirling Cas exaggeratedly.

Ruby smiled fondly at Sam and Castiel when Dean laughed. Watching as Castiel twirled for Sam and laugh. "Have to keep up appearances for my queen," he teased, shooting a wink in Dean's direction. The song came to an end and something cheery and upbeat came on. Ruby kissed Dean's cheek. "I'm going to bed," she said with a tired expression. "Happy Birthday, Dean." She soon left after that, heading up to Sam's room for some much needed rest. Castiel bowed to Sam once the song was over and grinned, "Always a pleasure, Sam."He looked over at Dean who was alone again. "I should tend to my queen," he smirked, walking over to Dean a spinning him suddenly. "Hey gorgeous," he murmured, kissing him briefly.

Dean smiled softly at her and patted her shoulder. "Yeah, get some sleep," he agreed, and she walked away and headed upstairs. Dean sighed and sipped at his water again. Sam rose his eyebrows at Cas. "Your queen?" he repeated, "I've heard some strange things in my life but that has got to be the most disturbing... wow. Yeah, that's pretty weird." He smiled over at Dean awkwardly, and then Cas left him to go over to Dean. Dean made a startled yelp when Cas snuck up on him and spun him around suddenly. "Hey," he said tiredly, "I need to sit down. Come on." He dragged Cas over to the couch and flopped down on it with a contented groan.

Castiel followed Dean happily, still laughing at Sam's comment. He kissed Dean lazily as he sat down, legs swinging over Dean so he was half in Dean's lap, half on the couch and his arms around Dean's neck and caressing his hair. "Tuckered out birthday boy?" he cooed teasingly, kissing the other's jaw sweetly.

"Exhausted," Dean groaned, closing his eyes and leaning into Castiel's touch. He rested his arms over Castiel's legs and absently played with the seam on the side of Castiel's jeans. He hummed happily when Castiel's warm, soft lips touched his jaw and his fingers played with his hair. "Everyone looks absolutely wasted," he commented in amusement, "I'm surprised nobody's passed out yet."

Castiel chuckled. "Let's hope it doesn't get that far," he commented with a giggle, watching as Meg and Bela sang incoherently along to a song Castiel had never heard of. Having the lyrics parroted wasn't helping. "I feel like I should be taking pictures," Castiel mused, taking out his phone and snapping a few photos here and there. Meg catching on and posing unladylike for him. Castiel laughed, leaning into Dean and smiling, taking a few of them together.

Dean rolled his eyes at Meg's slutty pose and gave her a thumbs up and a wink. He kissed Castiel's cheek as he took a picture of them. "I feel like I might pass out," he admitted sleepily, "Too much stress and too much to drink makes Dean a dull boy." He rested his cheek on Castiel's shoulder and closed his eyes. He was going to have the worst hangover tomorrow, and he could already feel it coming on.

Castiel sighed, pulling faces and taking photos of Dean sleep with him. He chuckled, pocketing his phone and kissing Dean's head. "Come on," he hummed, wrapping an arm around Dean's waist. "Let's get you to bed, mister," he murmured, insisting Dean sleep somewhere comfy where people couldn't potentially throw up on him. ""Come on, love. Say goodnight to all the people," he smiled.

Dean groaned weakly and batted at Castiel's hand. "Comfy," he protested, but started to get up anyway when Castiel dragged him up. He opened his eyes wearily and looked around at the drunken crowd. The party was dying down now, and people were sitting tiredly on the floor or lying on chairs and the couch. "Everyone, thanks for coming," he slurred drunkenly, waving at the people with a wide grin as he leaned heavily on Castiel.

Everyone cheered and smiled 'you're welcomes' and 'happy birthdays' whilst Castiel just chuckled and helped Dean up to bed. He helped strip him and tucked him under the covers so he was ready for bed. He kissed his forehead and smiled. "I'll be up in a bit. I'm just gonna make sure everyone gets home." He went back downstairs and gave everyone their thanks as they left. Soon it was just him and a room full of empty cups and a trashed room. He'll do it tomorrow, he decided, going back up to Dean's room and sliding in next to him.

Dean protested weakly as Castiel helped him into bed, but he was too drunk to really care. He allowed himself to be put to bed and grunted an incoherent reply as Castiel left the room. He was nearly asleep by the time Cas came back upstairs, and he mumbled his name and curled into his warmth in the cold bed, wrapping himself around Cas and letting himself relax and fall asleep. They'd deal with everything tomorrow.

Almost instantly, Castiel had fallen asleep in Dean's arm. He'd awoke early the next morning to a pounding headache. He didn't want to wake Dean so he slipped out of bed and went downstairs to look for some painkillers. He looked around at the mess and sighed. Might as well start on it now. Give Dean a hand. Maybe get in his good books because of it, maybe. It was a start at least. His hangover had just about cleared by the time Castiel had finished cleaning the place up and started making breakfast. The smell of bacon filling his lungs and soothing his aching head. He hadn't noticed when Ruby had snuck up on him and practically jumped him. He dropped the spatular from his hand just to keep himself and Ruby from falling over. "What the hell?!" he groaned, wrapping an arm around her as he carefully put her back down. Ruby beamed, hugging him tightly. "I GOT MY PERIOD," she declared almost waking the whole house down in the process.

Dean wasn't sure what woke him up; it was either the pounding headache and sickening nausea, the smell of bacon frying, or a loud piercing scream of "I GOT MY PERIOD!" He sat up slowly in confusion, holding his head and trying to process what that meant through the haze of pain and grogginess. The next thing that happened was Sam running down the hallway frantically, stumbling over his feet and pulling a shirt on as he went. Sam ran into the kitchen and grabbed Ruby's shoulders, staring at her wide-eyed. "What?" He demanded breathlessly, hoping he'd heard correctly.

Castiel was trying to deal with what had just happened when Sam came in trying to do the same thing. Ruby grinned idiotically, jumping into Sam's arms. "I got my period!" she declared again, peppering his face with kisses. "It must have been a false positive or something. Isn't that wonderful news?!" Ruby couldn't stop smiling, she wasn't pregnant. Her life didn't have to be ruined. Castiel rubbed his head, too tired for this. He'd spent all morning cleaning, he didn't have the energy for this. "I'm happy for you but it's still gross," Castiel said, making a face. He didn't need to know what was going on down there. He served up chocolate chip pancakes and bacon he'd made for himself and Dean, rummaging in the fridge for some OJ.

Sam's jaw dropped and he grabbed Ruby around the waist, lifting her up and twirling her around easily. He couldn't believe it. He'd spent the night worrying about the future and trying to figure out how he was going to be able to afford taking care of a baby, because he refused to just dump Ruby after this. Things would be so much easier now, and they didn't have to worry. He couldn't stop smiling. "Oh my God," he exclaimed when he put Ruby down, and then hugged her tightly to his chest. She barely came up to his shoulder, and he rested his chin on the top of her head. "I'm so relieved... Holy shit." Dean wandered downstairs groggily and headed straight for the bathroom to take some painkillers and drink a tall glass of water, and he walked in on the three in the kitchen and squinted at them in confusion. "What happened?" He asked.

Castiel handed Dean a plate of food and kissed his cheek. "Ruby's bleeding from her vagina," Castiel said dryly, returning to his own plate of food and sipping at his OJ carefully. Ruby rolled her eyes at Castiel's weary expression. "He means I'm not pregnant," she grinned, leaning up to kiss Sam's cheek. "Hey, I'm just tellin' it the way you were," Castiel protested with a small smirk.

Sam collapsed into a chair with a wide grin of amazement on his face, hair messy and eyes wide. Dean automatically took the food from Castiel and stood there holding it dazedly, looking back and forth between everyone. "Seriously?" He asked, "You... Jesus. That's great." Dean smiled and stepped forward to give Ruby a hug, looking at Castiel from over her shoulder. "Nice choice of words, Cas. I really didn't need that imagery."

Ruby hugged Dean back, chuckling before she went and sat in Sam's lap, kissing his cheek and wrapping her arms around his neck. Castiel just shrugged, shoving a piece of bacon in his mouth. "Hey, she's the one that was screaming the house down about it," he protest with a smirk, looking over and seeing how happy they were. He was glad for them. This would make things easier. He gave Dean a soft smile. "You sleep okay?" he asked, yawning as he asked.

Dean watched Sam and Ruby with a soft smile on his face, but was interrupted by Sam stealing some bacon off his plate. "Watch it, you little punk," Dean muttered, glaring at his brother halfheartedly, but Sam only smirked and shoved the whole piece in his mouth. "Charming," Dean rolled his eyes and turned to Cas. "I was sleeping fine until Ruby decided to share her menstrual cycle with the world." He shoved her shoulder teasingly as he walked by and grinned at her. He caught a glimpse of the living room and paused, looking into the room curiously. "Cas, did you...?" The room was empty of bottles and cans and garbage and everything was put back in order.

Ruby laughed, blushing a little. She hadn't meant to wake everyone up. She was just excited she wasn't pregnant. She tucked her head under Sam's and held him close. Just glad everything would be okay. Castiel had his last mouthful of bacon when he followed Dean into the other room. "I got up early so I figured I might as well," he shrugged, moving to sit on the couch. "I didn't want you to have to go through the trouble of doing it. What with it being your party and all."

Sam hugged Ruby tightly and sighed into her hair, closing his eyes. He was so relieved that the pregnancy had been negative, because they were only in high school and there was no way they'd be able to raise a kid, and not to mention their parents would be eternally angry at them. Dean sat on the couch next to Cas and smiled at him gratefully. "Thanks, Cas." He murmured, "For staying." He leaned into him and rested his head against his shoulder.

Castiel smiled, brushing back Dean's hair. "It's okay, kitten," he murmured with a soft sigh. "I'm still pretty tired though so I think I'm gonna go home and sleep," he mused, wondering if Dean was even in a fit state to drive him home, seeing as he'd brought him here. "Plus the party is over, I don't think your dad will want me hanging around for too much longer. Best if I just leave now." He pressed a light kiss to Dean's temple, leaning his head against his.

Dean smiled softly and leaned into the touch. "Yeah, I think I'm gonna sleep off the hangover too. I don't even know where Dad is, but he could come home at any time. He's gonna have to get used to you, though." Dean pressed a kiss to Castiel's cheek and then relaxed against him, not wanting to get up for fear that the motion would make his head spin and he'd get sick. "Dude, I don't think I can drive," he admitted reluctantly, "You could probably ask Ruby, though. She seems pretty chipper."

"Well considering she thought she was pregnant yesterday, my bets are she's sober," Castiel said half-heartedly, grabbing Dean's keys and kissing Dean briefly. "I'll see you at school on Monday, alright?" Castiel smiled, kissing him once more before shifting to move and go into the kitchen. "Ruby, Dean's still drunk I think. Think you can drive me home? I'm only licensed for my bike." Ruby nodded, kissing Sam's cheek briefly. "Okay, I'll be back in a bit Sam." She stood up, getting her jacket and shoes on and Castiel did the same, making sure he hadn't forgotten anything.

Dean kissed Castiel back and nodded. "See you later, baby." he murmured, and collapsed back against the couch and smiling tiredly at Cas as he walked out of the room. Sam let Ruby go and when the two of them were gone, Sam went into the living room and sat beside Dean on the couch. "Hey," he sighed, resting his feet on Dean's legs. Dean frowned and pushed them off, causing Sam to laugh. They sat in silence for a few minutes, and then Sam asked quietly, "Dean, what would you have done if Ruby was actually pregnant?"

Ruby drove Castiel home, he hugged her tightly and smiled. "I'm so happy things worked out," he smiled. Rubby humming in agreement. "Me too. I mean, it's not like the thought of having kids with Sam scares me. It's just way too soon for that, you know?" Castiel nodded in understanding. "I'll see you Monday," he smiled, getting out the car and heading inside. Amber waiting patiently by the door for him to feed her. "Sorry Ambs, didn't think I'd be gone so long," he said, putting some tuna down into her bowl.

(OMFG YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT A TOTAL BITCH I COULD HAVE BEEN. I WAS GONNA BE LIKE 'SO HAPPY THINGS WORKED OUT' THEN RUBY WOULD BE ALL LIKE 'I JUST SAID THAT SO SAM WOULD STOP WORRYING I'M GETTING AN ABORTION BUT I DON'T WANT IT TO WEIGH HIM DOWN TOO SO THAT'S WHY I SAID WHAT I SAID.' AND THEN CAS WOULD BE ALL LIKE SAY WHAA?! BUT I MADE IT NICE. BECAUSE I WANTED EVERYTHING TO BE OKAY. SO YOU'RE WELCOME. 3)

(HOLY FUCK?!FGSDJFGFKGKGDSFHJSFGKJSFDJGS DFGKSFDGKFDSGJDFGKDSFKGDSFJG KHKFGHKFGKHGKHKGFKHFGKH

WHATdkhgldfkjghdfkgj)

Dean looked at Sam for a moment and sighed. "I don't know," he admitted reluctantly. "Dad's still technically in charge of you, he'd call the shots and I have no idea what he would do. Me, on the other hand, I'd probably get another job and I'd make you get one too, and also I'd nag you to keep your grades up so you'll get a scholarship and get into college without having to pay a shitload of money, and I'd support you and Ruby no matter what."

(SEEE SEEEE THAT"S WHAT HAPPENS IF I"M NICE TO YoU 3)

Castiel took a long shower, letting the smell of booze wash off of him before getting into bed. The sheets still crumpled from yesterday. That made him smile. He fell asleep pretty soon, lost in the smell of both him and Dean in the bed. He was glad everything was okay with them now. He felt really bad for what he did that night. Monday was gonna be awkward, seeing Corbett after what he did.

(It actually scares me to imagine all the horrible stuff you could possibly do... D: kdjfgdkjfgdlkfgjdlfkgjdlfkgj dkflgjldfkgjdlfkgdlfkgjdlfkg )

Sam gazed at Dean with a small smile, a look of pure gratitude and love in his eyes, and Dean looked back at him for several long moments before it became uncomfortable and Dean laughed to break the silence. "Don't give me that look, what else do you expect me to do? I'm your big brother and I'm here for you." Sam smiled. "Thanks, Dean." "But don't think I'm just gonna let this go. First of all, congrats on the sex. I guess I can deal with that, since you're in high school but you'll always be a little kid to me. Jesus, I can't believe I just said that. Anyway, I know I shouldn't have to tell you this, but you have to always be safe, Sam. If something like this happens again, I'm gonna get suspicious."

(Oh you don't even know the half of it babe. :D ahahahahhhHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHH A)

Castiel sighed, tossing and turning in his sleep. He dreamt of Jimmy again. Only this time he seemed happy. Laughing and playing those same damn cords he played everytime Castiel went to go visit him. He was normal. Just like he was before he died. When Castiel awoke Sunday morning after having slept all day he felt refreshed, almost new again because of how things were between him and his subconscious.

(oh my fuck... don't let me catch you in a bad mood lolofldkjhgdkjfhg dfkjg fahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dsflkdsjgdfkjgdkfgj)

Sam and Dean stayed downstairs talking for a while, and eventually Dean felt himself nodding off and he headed upstairs to sleep the rest of the afternoon and the entire night. He slept late on Sunday morning and woke up feeling much better. Disgusting, but definitely more alive. The first thing he did was take a long, hot shower and get completely clean, and then he got dressed in fresh clothes and decided to clean his room, feeling like doing something useful. It was a cold, cloudy day, and Dean had nowhere to go, so he felt like he could relax. He found the DVD Anna had given him, and he looked at it thoughtfully and then texted Cas, 'hey, wanna come ovr and watch the school's production of west side story?'

Castiel was in the middle of chasing Amber round the back yard, trying to get her to mate with the neighbours cat when his phone buzzed. He took it out, not dodging in time and getting an angry Amber to the face. "Damn it," he muttered, pushing her away as she hissed and ran up a tree. He fucking hated when she got in heat. Always so moody. He rubbed at his scratched cheek and looked down at the text on his phone, feeling a little better. He text back, 'Get the popcorn ready, I'm on my way." He put disinfectant on his cheek before getting on his bike and riding over to Dean's.

Dean grinned at his phone and headed downstairs immediately. He discovered that he was home alone, and found a note from Sam on the kitchen table that said 'Dad's taking me into the city so I can take my drivers license test and then I'm going to Andy's house for a study session, be back late. -Sam". The note said nothing about when Dad would be home, but Dean would just cross that bridge when he came to it. For now, he went to the kitchen and found several bags of popcorn and stuck them in the microwave, and then poured the whole thing into a bowl for him and Cas to share.

When he go to Dean's, he park his bike by Dean's car and headed inside. "Honey, I'm home," he quipped with a light smirk when he caught sight of Dean in the kitchen, holding a big bowl of popcorn. He closed the door behind him and entered the kitchen, wrapping his arms around his fiancé and kissing him tenderly, lips slotting together slowly in a soft kiss. He took the chance to grab a hand ful of popcorn from the bowl Dean was holding and shove a handful in his mouth when he pulled away with a grin.

Dean's chest filled with warmth at Castiel's entrance and he turned to meet him. With his free hand, he reached up and gently cupped the back of Castiel's neck, fingers playing in the hair at his nape. "How was your day, sweetie?" He played along when they broke apart, smiling like an idiot. It was moments like this that made Dean know for sure he'd always love Castiel. Their relationship still felt fresh and new, and the longer Dean spent with Cas the stronger his love became, even though he was sure it was off the charts already.

Castiel grinned excitedly, leaning into Dean's touch. "Oh, not much," he shrugged, swallowing the popcorn he had in his mouth before stealing another kiss. "Best part was seeing you, I have to say," Castiel grinned, wrapping an arm around Dean's waist and kissing him again. "So, this movie. You ready to see me make a total ass of myself?" he smirked, popping a few more pieces of popcorn in his mouth.

Dean laughed and bumped his nose against Castiel's before moving away so he didn't spill the popcorn. "Don't say that, you were great. You really took one for the team with that stab wound, don't you think?" He pecked Castiel's lips once more and then trailed his hand over his waist as he passed Castiel to head into the living room, smirking over his shoulder. He set the popcorn down on the coffee table and closed the window shades to make it darker in the room, and tossed a soft blanket at Castiel.

Castiel grinned walking over to Dean and sitting down on the couch, spreading the blanket for them to lay beneath. "Get your ass over here, gorgeous," Castiel smirked, giving Dean a cheeky wink and patting the spot next to him. The TV was turned on and the movie began and Castiel felt giddy. They were about to watch themselves on TV. A slightly odd thought.

Dean felt slightly nervous but he grinned excitedly and plopped himself on the couch beside Cas and snuggled up to him. He pulled the blanket up to his chin and curled up, watching the opening scene. Castiel looked damn sexy as Riff, with his hair all slicked up and wearing tight clothes, and the way he led the other dancers around the stage, totally confident and talented, made Dean more proud than anything.

Castiel watched Dean as he watched him. He felt a bit weird watching himself so focussed on Dean but once they were out together he smiled and watched. "Damn, Winchester. You look good," Castiel grinned, stroking Dean's thigh and kissing his shoulder. "Such a good actor, kitten. You're gonna be a star this year."

Dean grinned and hid his face in Castiel's shoulder. "You too," he said, "I don't understand how you dance like that with no training. It's unbelievable." Dean blushed when his Tony started singing on the TV. No matter what, it would always be weird hearing his own voice recorded. He couldn't believe that was him. How was it possible that he had the confidence to do something he'd never done before, and he'd succeeded at it?

Castiel grinned, kissing Dean's cheek. "I think you've been mistaken, I'm not good at this, he said modestly, blushing deeply. He held onto Dean and snuggled up to him and smiled sweetly. "I love you, kitten. My little performer. You." He grinned, kissing Dean again softly to ignore himself on stage. He didn't like watching his parts.

Dean rolled his eyes fondly and poked Castiel in the hip. "Shut up, you're amazing. Asshole." He kissed Castiel's cheek and ruffled his hair. He grabbed Castiel's face and turned his head forcefully towards the screen with a smirk. "Now be quiet and watch the play. You didn't get to see yourself and you're really missing out, believe me."

Castiel made a huffing noise but still watched himself and found all the flaws and things he needed to improve on but he would get better if he practised more, he told himself. He watched Dean sing and found himself smiling a little. "You're so gorgeous," he murmured, taking a handful of popcorn and stuffing his face.

Dean followed Castiel's lead and took some popcorn, blushing as he chewed and then pulling the blanket up over his nose so only his eyes showed over the top of it, and he watched himself perform. He could hardly believe it was him, and the same went for Castiel. If Dean had seen this footage before he'd met Cas, he'd never think that he was the same person. "No, you are." He replied lovingly, smiling softly at Cas.

Castiel blushed, hiding his smile behind the blanket with Dean. He stole a kiss and giggled a little. All they needed was the rain and they'd have the perfect Sunday afternoon lazing about the house. "I love you," he murmured, smiling happily, glad Friday's events were being pushed behind them. He continued to watch them, up until the point Castiel was about to get stabbed.

As the end of the play approached and it was time for Riff's death scene, Dean turned to Cas and watched him curiously to see how he'd react to watching himself get stabbed. The scene looked amazing, at least, and to anyone in the audience it just looked like Cas was an amazing actor, which he was, but he was clearly in a lot of pain. Dean hissed in sympathy and held Cas a little closer.

Castiel hummed, leaning back into Dean with a soft look on his face. "Well I sure ain't pretty painted red," Castiel muttered, looking at the screen and trying to make light of the situation. Obviously it wasn't a good thing. He'd been stabbed for God sake. "Thanks for playing along though. It makes for a great show," he commented with a soft shrug.

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel and tugged him closer, planting a firm kiss at his temple. "The audience didn't know that was real but I think people suspected it." Dean had been scared out of his mind that night, and Castiel still had the scars to show for it. That night had ended badly, but luckily most people didn't know about all that had happened.

Castiel hummed, leaning back into Dean. He found himself falling asleep a little as the finishing song came on. He'd heard it before and he didn't really feel like watching himself writhe in pain on stage for the next ten minutes. He gasped suddenly, knocking Dean's bowl of popcorn to the floor and bursting out of the room and up the stairs into Dean's room, rummaging around frantically for something. Something dear to him that he couldn't believe he realized was missing until now. "No, no, no," he cried out, flinging Dean's shirts across the room in despair.

Dean watched the rest of the play and ate a lot more popcorn, and when the play finally ended he was startled by Castiel suddenly leaping up from the couch and flinging popcorn everywhere. "Cas, what the hell?" He asked in confusion, heart racing, and he dropped the blanket to the floor and followed Castiel up the stairs and into his bedroom. He found Cas throwing clothing around and looking very upset, and he walked over and stood beside Cas, watching as Cas rummaged through everything frantically. "Cas, what are you doing?" He asked.

"I-I've lost it, Dean," Castiel whined, looking up at Dean heartbroken. "I've lost my pick. M-My necklace. I've lost it," he cried, slumping to the floor in defeat. That pick had been from their first date and he'd lost it. "I'm so sorry," he sniffed, collecting Dean's clothes from the floor and cradling them as he curled into the foetus position and just stared at Dean's shoes.

Dean frowned and knelt down beside Cas. "Hey, it's okay." He said softly, pulling Cas up into a sitting position and hugging him. "I'll get Sam to make another, it's okay." He kissed Castiel's lips softly and held him. "It's fine, baby." Even though the necklace represented their first real date and the beginning of their relationship and it was something that would be sentimental for them.

Castiel sighed giving Dean a tight embrace. "It's not," he whimpered miserably, feeling sorry for himself. "You gave me that out of love and I can't even treat it with the respect it deserves. He sighed, scrubbing a hand through his hair. "I'm so sorry, kitten," he murmured, running a hand over Dean's cheek. He felt his phone vibrate, but he'd ignore it for now. He wasn't in the mood for anyone but Dean. "I love you, I really do. I didn't mean to loose it."

Dean sighed slowly and held Cas. "I know," he said softly, "I understand. So much stuff has happened recently, you'll probably find it eventually." He stroked Castiel's hair and then stood up, offering Cas a hand and pulling him to his feet to hold him close again. "I know. I love you too, and it's okay." He took Castiel's phone out of his pocket and handed it to him to answer, and then began searching around the room for the necklace, although it was probably at Castiel's house if it wasn't here.

Castiel sniffed, taking Dean's hand and the phone when it was offered to him. He looked at it blankly for a moment before he realized he had to answer it. He pressed the green button and held the device to his ear, at first only hearing emptiness on the end of the phone. "Hello?" he answered a little confused. "Hello?" he said again when no answer came. He paused, waiting for a response when a rich, sour voice purred down the phone. "Tick tock, buddy-boy. Times runnin' out." Castiel gasped, the phone sliding out of his hand and onto the floor with a small thud. The manic sound of laughter crackling through the small speaker as Castiel stared in terror at the phone.

* * *

**Oh my, if you're still with us. Firstly, hello! Thank you so much for reading this. I can't believe people are actually reading our little story. It's just a bit of fun and we love you all for getting this far. Your comments are always welcome. Even suggestions on what you might want to see happen. Xxx**


	40. Chapter 40

Dean looked down at the phone in horror as it hit the floor with a gasp from Castiel and a terrifying, malicious laugh crackled through the speaker. Dean cautiously took a step towards it and then picked it up. He raised it to his ear slowly, staring at Castiel questioningly, and then he spoke into the phone in a hard voice. "Who is this?" He demanded, trying not to sound as scared as he felt. Castiel looked terrified, eyes wide and frightened.

"Lucifer," Castiel answered without missing a beat, still looking down at the floor where the phone had been a moment ago. Lucifer didn't answer. He didn't like talking to people he didn't have something to hold against. It made him seem weak. "Three days, honeypie. Three days 'til Lucy comes home." Lucifer cut off after that, roughly around the time Castiel's knees gave way, sending him to the floor.

Dean never once took his eyes off Castiel as Lucifer's voice flowed smoothly through the phone. It sent chills down Dean's spine, and he shuddered as Lucifer warned Castiel that he was coming home in only three days. Dean dropped the phone as soon as he saw Castiel fall towards the ground, but he wasn't quick enough to catch him or break his fall, and Cas crumpled to the floor. Dean sank to his knees beside him and rested a hand on Castiel's trembling shoulder, and noticed that his own hand was shaking. "Cas? What... what's going on?"

Castiel looked up at Dean, eyes hollow and no longer filled with love and warmth like earlier but now the terrors and fears he'd acclimatised to as a boy. "Lucy is gonna take away the pain," he trembled, his voice deep and monotone. Everything done without feeling, he felt dead and numb. This wasn't happening. He was finally free and happy. This wasn't happening. This wasn't happening. "Gonna turn out the lights and make everything better."

Dean's blood ran cold and he felt a knot of dread form in his stomach. "Cas... what's going on?" He repeated, "Is Lucifer out of prison?" If Cas was in danger and they only had three days to prevent something horrible from happening, then Dean needed to know what exactly was happening. And the way Cas was talking was really scaring him, like it wasn't even him. Dean shifted so he was closer to Cas and placed a hand on both of his shoulders. "Is he coming for you?"

"Comin' for me," Castiel repeated, staring blankly at Dean. "Three days, buddy boy. I'm comin' for ya." He dragged himself from his trance, trying to focus on Dean. His eyes blinked a few times before being able to focus on Dean properly. "Save me," he whispered, burying his face in Dean's chest, trembling visibly. He couldn't go anywhere now. Lucifer would be waiting for him. Waiting and ready.

Dean gripped Castiel's shoulders tightly and stared at him wide eyed with fear. Dean had never anticipated Lucifer being an actual problem, he'd just assumed the psycho was locked up for good. But now there was a legitimate danger to Castiel's life, and Dean didn't know what to do. His heart broke when Cas begged for Dean to save him and hid his face in Dean's chest. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas immediately and held him close, pressing his lips to the top of Castiel's head as his mind raced trying to come up with a plan. "Three days? What does that mean, is he gonna... is he going to try to kill you again?"

Castiel tried not to cry, he wanted to stay strong. He was so consumed with fear he wasn't even sure he was able to cry. He just tucked his head under Dean's and stayed wrapped in him on the floor, surrounded by clothes and paper. "He...Yes," Castiel lied in a bare whisper. Granted, Lucifer had gone to prison for attempted murder but there were other convictions being held against him that were barely mentioned in court. Mainly because Castiel was too scared to bring them up. Murder was a strong enough case. They didn't need to know about the rest.

Dean rubbed Castiel's back and chewed his lip. He felt like he was going to be sick, but he forced himself to stay calm and not freak out. "Shit," he breathed, "Okay. It's going to be okay, just breathe." He held Castiel for a long moment and then gently pushed him away so he could meet his eyes and try to figure out what to do. "We'll lay low. If he comes near you or tries anything, we call the cops. We're not gonna let him get to you." Dean had never met Lucifer, but if Castiel's other brothers were anything to go by, Lucifer would practically be the devil straight from hell. He hoped that what he was saying would help, but he had no idea just how bad this guy was.

Castiel wiped his tired eyes, a few tears squeezing loose as he shut his eyes. The salty water trickled down the side of his hand, leaving a sticky trail against his skin. "Okay," he whispered, knowing full well that once Lucifer set his mind on something he was going to do it. No one would stand in his way. He pressed a kiss to Dean's lips, nothing more than a brush of lips before moving away. He needed to get home. He needed to be safe. He managed to stand, leaning against the wardrobe for a moment before being able to stand straight and go down the stairs, ready to leave.

Dean stood and followed Castiel downstairs slowly and stood with him near the door. He bit his lip and stepped forward, gently cupping Castiel's face in his hands. He wiped his tears away with the pads of his thumbs and then leaned forward so their foreheads touched. "It's going to be okay," Dean whispered, "He'll have to go through me before he gets to you." He kissed the tip of Castiel's nose softly and then backed away. "Are you going home right now?" He asked.

Castiel smiled a little at that, chewing on his bottom lip. Dean was too kind and he didn't want to see him get hurt because of this. He kissed Dean passionately, as if he were saying goodbye, pushing everything he had into the kiss before moving away breathlessly, stroking Dean's cheek. The freshly shaven skin soft against his fingertips. "I'll see you tomorrow," he smiled weakly, going outside and hopping on his bike and riding home.

Dean was surprised by the kiss and wasn't sure how to react to it, but by the time he realized what was happening Castiel was backing away and getting onto his bike. Dean stayed by the door and watched until Castiel was out of sight, and then he went back inside and ran up the stairs to his room. He grabbed his laptop and quickly opened up the search engine to Google Lucifer Novak and find out as much as he could about the guy.

Castiel drove home and parked up in the garage, taking his time to scurry back into his room and spend the next three days in hiding. He took a deep breath and let a few tears slid down his face before wiping them away and heading inside. His room was dark, a light strangled noise came from the corner of the room, near his bed. Castiel frowned, turning on the light and seeing Lucifer, leaning against the bed on the floor with Amber in his arms. The cat wiggled and hissed for freedom, clearly sensing nothing but negative energy towards the man holding her still and refusing to let go. Lucifer's scarred lip quirked upwards, the movement so minute Castiel thought he'd imagined it. He looked up at his younger brother with a look of clear agitation for being kept waiting and gave a soft expression that Castiel still had nightmares about. "Hello, brother," Lucifer said calmly, rolling his eyes when Castiel finally gave way and fainted, hitting the floor with a soft thud.

Dean went to the national mugshot archive online and searched for Lucifer Novak, and he easily found him. He stared hard at the guy's picture. Even in the mugshot, Dean could see an evil glint in the man's eyes and a subtle sneer to his lips. Lucifer Novak was 25 years old, and had been in prison for 9 years for assaulting Castiel. That meant that at the time of the attack, Lucifer was 16 and Castiel was only 8 or 9 years old. Dean read over the list of his other crimes, which consisted of things such as theft, shoplifting, and vandalism.

HIs vision blurred, he began to stir back into consciousness. A small groan escaping his lips. He was now laying on the bed with Lucifer peering over him. HIs elder brother's calm expression did nothing to sooth Castiel's fear. Once his vision was back he wished it hadn't, Lucifer was crowding him, making him focus solely on him. He tried to sit up or push Lucifer away but something stopped him. His eyes went wide, he tugged his left hand only to have something pull it back. He moved his head a little to the side, seeing his wrist tied up with rope. He panicked, tugging both arms frantically, kicking his legs in fury only to find them tied up too. His arms above his head and on either side of him and his legs spread and tied to the corners of the bed. His breathing was hard and heavy, he tried to scream out but Lucifer stopped him. "What, and spoil our fun?" Lucifer pouted. "I thought you knew better than to disobey me." He pressed a fingertip down Castiel's chest, digging into the exposed skin until it bled. Castiel cried out in pain, trying to breathe through it, refusing to let Lucifer beat him this time. "This is going to be so much fun," he snarled.

Lucifer hadn't even been charged with attempted murder, only assault, which is probably why he hadn't been sentenced a longer time in jail. And now that he was going to be set free from the cage, his first target was Cas. Dean wondered if he should warn Mrs. Novak about this, but she was away on business, and the only other trustworthy member of Castiel's family was Michael, but Dean had no idea how to contact him. He paced back and forth in his room nervously and tried to think of a way to keep Castiel safe.

Castiel's chest was heaving with the amount of air it was taking for him to be able to breath without hyperventilating. Lucifer hushed him softly, pressing his lips to Castiel's which caused him to freeze and quieten immediately. Lucifer moved away, pulling out a fairly small steak knife from his pocket, all Castiel could do was watch. Trying not to make a sound, he was sure to be punished. "I've been waiting for this, for a very, very long time, Castiel," Lucifer said, his voice barely above a soft whisper. "Nine years is a long time to have spare, brother. You can only imagine the many ways I've conjured up for making you suffer. For making _me _suffer." His face twisted in disgust, tipping Castiel's head back by placing the tip of the knife to the younger brother's chin. "You know how many times I was made the fool? Made someone's little bitch and taken against my will." Lucifer's words frightened Castiel, he knew his brother blamed him for it. For not having the good grace to die the first time around and now his brother was having his revenge. "Bet you would have loved it, you little faggot," Lucifer spat, slicing a thin cut against Castiel's wrist causing him to cry out in pain.

A few minutes later, Sam came back. "Andy wasn't feeling well, so we cut the studying short." he announced as he came upstairs. Sam peeked into Dean's room curiously when Dean didn't respond, and then came over and looked at the computer screen over Dean's shoulders. He frowned in confusion. "Novak? Is he related to Cas?" Dean nodded grimly. "His brother. He tried to kill Cas nine years ago and he's getting out of prison this week."

Lucifer made a noise of disappointment, "Now, now, brother. Don't hold back. I want to hear you scream." Castiel felt a hot angry tear roll down his cheek as he hardened his face, more determined than ever to keep Lucifer out of his head. He could hurt him all he liked but he would not break him. He wouldn't let Dean down. Not again. Lucifer licked up the salty tear, causing Castiel to whimper in disgust as he tried to wiggle away but couldn't, still being restrained. "Just kill me," he spat, staring hatefully up at his older brother. Lucifer just rolled his eyes, smacking the wide flat surface of the knife against Castiel's cheek causing him to cry out. "Don't be boring, brother," he said, tugging at Castiel's hair and cutting it off bit by bit.

Sam's eyes widened in surprise. "Dean... is he dangerous?" Dean nodded grimly and rubbed his hands over his face anxiously. "Yeah, unfortunately. He actually... he just called Cas' cell phone and said he had three days until he came to get him... I don't know what that means but it sounded really bad. I don't know what to do, should we call the cops?" Sam bit his lip thoughtfully. "Maybe it was just an empty threat?" He said hopefully, and Dean shook his head, pacing the room again.

Castiel whimpered, tears sliding freely down his face. Lucifer still cutting his hair with a sick smirk on his face. Castiel's scalp was a mess, half his hair was cut out and small amounts of blood trickling down from where Lucifer had cut his scalp. This was awful. He didn't know how he was going to get out of this. He was truly Lucifer's play thing right now. His vision was blinded by blood falling over his eyelids from the top of his head.

"I don't know what to do," he repeated desperately, and Sam walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder to guide him over to sit on the bed. "Okay, where's Cas right now?" Sam asked. "He went home, he's at his house." Dean answered, and Sam nodded thoughtfully. "Okay, well... is there anywhere else he can go where this guy won't find him?" Dean instantly thought of the cabin, and he nodded. "Yeah, there is," he answered in relief. "It's getting kind of late, though... I'll tell him about it tomorrow morning, I guess. He didn't look so good when he left."

Crying out, Castiel's back arched of the bed, trying to move away from the knife currently twisting itself into his thigh. Lucifer had needed a soda and asked him to 'wait there' making sure he actually stayed despite being tied to the bed, he'd jammed a knife in his leg. Missing the major arteries and doing as little damage as possible whilst still giving Castiel a lot of pain. He whimpered softly to himself, letting himself show some weakness whilst his brother made himself comfortable downstairs. "I'm so sorry, Dean," he whispered pathetically.

Sam nodded in agreement. "If I were you I'd text him to let him know and give him time to get ready. I'll cover for you guys in school tomorrow." Dean smiled gratefully at his brother and took his phone out of his pocket. It wasn't really that difficult of a plan, but Dean was too terrified to think straight. He sent a message to Cas to let him know what was going on. 'hey, tomorrow morning i can pick u up and take u to cabin instead of school... hide out there until safe.'

Lucifer came back up with a smug look on his face. "Oh, there's my knife," he said, yanking it out of Castiel's leg. The younger Novak letting out a soft groan in relief yet still pained. Lucifer's hand stroking over his bloodied thigh. Castiel closed his eyes, pushing his head to the side, trying to hide it in the pillow. "Stop," Castiel sobbed as Lucifer's hand travelled further up to cup him through his pants. His phone vibrated on the table but Castiel couldn't reach it, Lucifer straddling him and forcing his way into his pants, despite Castiel's best efforts to throw him off.

Dean set his phone down and then got ready for bed, knowing that he needed sleep despite his anxiety over Lucifer. As he got into his bed, he kept the phone close to him in case Castiel replied. He waited about a half an hour before resending the text message, just in case Cas had gone to sleep and the phone vibrating would wake him up. When Cas still didn't answer, Dean decided to call him. He laid in bed staring at the ceiling with the phone held to his ear, waiting for Castiel to hopefully pick up the phone.

Fifteen minutes later and Lucifer had Castiel stripped with his legs spread and his cock shoved up his ass. After Castiel's phone vibrated two more times, Lucifer got fed up. He grabbed the phone and answered it, not caring who was on the other end. He smirked, grunting as he thrust into Castiel. His younger brother sobbing uncontrollably as he tried to stay still, not wanting Lucifer to hurt him further. He put the phone on Castiel's stomach so he could keep his hand free to keep his knife close to Castiel's neck. "Stop crying. You're getting off easy," Lucifer grunted, thrusting into Castiel. Castiel saw the phone and willed himself to stay silent. There was no way Dean needed to hear this. "Gone shy, little boy?" Lucifer asked, sounding more angry than anything. He jammed his knife back into Castiel's thigh, creating a new wound and making Castiel cry out loudly. "Yeah, you like that?" Lucifer grinned, Castiel shaking his head. Wrong answer. Another stab to the leg. The bedsheets now covered, stained red with his blood. Castiel was on the verge of passing out at this point from the blood loss but Lucifer kept thrusting into him, making him stay awake and cry out again, sobbing miserably.

When Cas finally answered the phone, an unusual mix of sounds played through the earpiece. At first he didn't know what it was, but it made his heart stop and he sat up straight on the bed, holding his breath. "Cas?!" he yelled, feeling dizzy with fear. He held his breath again as he listened, and he could recognize Castiel sobbing and crying out in pain, and there was someone else with him. It had to be Lucifer. Dean stumbled out of bed and ran downstairs, still holding the phone to his ear. He grabbed Sam on the way out and dragged him outside. "Cas needs help, I think Lucifer's already there and he's hurting him." he explained. He figured it would be much easier to take on Lucifer if there were two of them. Dean peeled out of the driveway as Sam called 911 on his own cell phone, and when they reached the Novak's house Dean was out of the car and turnint the Novak's spare key in the lock to let himself inside, Sam following close behind carrying a steel baseball bat that Dean had no idea where he'd gotten it from, but it was a good idea.

Castiel must have passed out. He found himself waking back up with Lucifer's tongue in his mouth. He winced, feeling the knife twist in his wounds when he tried to move away. He could feel something inside him and he tried not to think about the fact his brother may have just come in him. He was bleeding out, just about and _that _was his biggest concern. He needed to focus, try and get Lucifer off of him at least. He bit his lip as he tried to move away, the knife digging further into him. Suddenly, the blade was away and cutting his ropes. Castiel found himself being dragged to his feet but he fell to his knees with a loud cry. Lucifer grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and his naked form was slammed against the desk, Lucifer reentering him with force. Castiel's hands were bloodied, smearing red across the scrapbook he'd made Dean as he tried to grab hold of something as Lucifer continued to rape him.

Sam walked in front of Dean up the stairs, and they were careful to be silent. There were pained cries and grunts coming from Castiel's bedroom, and Dean felt a sick twist of anger in his stomach, but he forced himself to stay with Sam. Sam threw open the door and raised the baseball bat, Dean jumping into the room to stand beside his brother, and the sight that met his eyes made him feel like he was having a heart attack. This had to be a nightmare, there was no way this was real. Sam staggered back a few steps and gasped, but quickly recovered and swung the bat hard at Lucifer's head, Dean ran right over to Castiel without waiting to see if the bat hit its target. There was blood everywhere, so much of it that Dean couldn't even figure out where it was all coming from. He picked Castiel up and cradled him close to his chest and carried him downstairs to wait for the ambulance, hoping Sam would be able to Deal with Lucifer on his own. Dean focused all of his attention on Castiel, who was quickly fading out of consciousness and still bleeding. Dean pressed his hand down over the worst of he cuts in Castiel's thigh and spoke to him to make sure he stayed awake and didn't go into shock. "Cas, it's okay, you're gonna be alright. There's an ambulance on the way, you're going to be fine."

Castiel was vaguely aware of what was happening around him. He saw Lucifer's passed out body on the floor and he could help but feel sorry for him. Castiel had failed him once again and lacked the good grace to fulfil his brother's wishes and die. He blinked slowly, darkness taking over once again until he was then in Dean's arms and his surroundings had changed once more. "S-S-Sorry," he whispered brokenly, wiping his bloodied hand over Dean's cheek as he tried to stroke him lovingly. Much like he had when he'd been stabbed in the play and had begun to bled. Only, this time, was much worse. He was bleeding everywhere. Dean's clothes now covered and he could feel himself slipping under again.

There was so much blood, the smell of it sharp and metallic in the air and a panicked sob escaped Dean's throat. Sam came thundering down the stairs and stared wide eyed at Cas, shaking his head. "I don't think the ambulance will get here in time," Sam said breathlessly, grabbing a blanket off the couch and wrapping it around Castiel. He picked the smaller boy up easily before Dean even knew what was going on, but thankfully Sam was in control and the most calm one in the room. Dean stood up and stumbled outside hurriedly and Sam followed, carrying Castiel in his arms. Dean got into the Impala and started the engine with clumsy, shaky fingers while Sam put Cas in the backseat and then climbed in after him. Dean turned back to look worriedly at Castiel, his heart pounding loud and painful as he he sped out of the driveway, almost taking out the mailboxes. "Sam, is he okay?!" Dean demanded, glancing in the rearview mirror as he raced to the nearest hospital.

Castiel winced and groaned weakly as Sam carried him. He leant heavily against him, needing his warmth. He held weakly onto Sam's arm and nuzzled at his chest, just trying to breathe. He felt so dizzy and weak but he was safe now. He needed to be stronger and hold on to the two most important people in his life. He couldn't let them down. Not again. He'd made Dean a promise. "L've 'ou both," he croaked, eye lids drooping heavily as out of focus lights zoomed past them, illuminating the car before darkness came over them again.

Sam held Castiel tighter against him and wrapped the blanket tighter. "We love you too, Cas. Hang on, we're gonna get you fixed up. Almost there." Cas was shivering and pale and covered in blood, and Sam shifted Castiel and pulled the blanket up to find the wounds on his leg. He pressed his hand down hard on the open wounds and muttered an apology under his breath. "What?" Dean called over his shoulder, dangerously passing a slow-moving vehicle and barely missing hitting another one, but he still didn't slow down. "Sam, what did he say?" Sam gripped the door handle and yelped, "Slow down, you're gonna get us all killed!" After they were out of dangerous traffic and after a particularly jarring left-hand turn, Sam said, "He said he loves us both." That comment only made Dean drive faster, and this time Sam said nothing because it would do no good. "Cas, hold on, we're almost there." A few minutes later, they were arriving at the hospital.

Castiel cried out when Sam put his hand to his thigh, not because he was afraid. He knew he was safe with Sam. It just hurt like nothing he'd ever experience. Self harm seemed like a walk in the park compared to the pain he was enduring right now. There was blood everywhere, he couldn't remember if the brother's had seen what Lucifer had done to him but he sure hoped they thought all the blood was coming from the stab wounds and not his ass. He didn't want to scar them more than necessary. He coughed a little, too weak to do anything else and snuggled up into the warmth of Sam.

Sam bit his lip and sat forward in the seat a little as Dean pulled up to the door of the hospital. Sam scrambled out of the car and picked up Castiel again, and he ran into the emergency room doors screaming for help. Dean didn't spare the two of them a second glance before he hurriedly parked the car in the closest spot he could find and then followed them inside, barely remembering to lock the car. When he got into the waiting room, it was a chaos of doctors and nurses crowding around Sam and Castiel, who had just been laid on a gurney and he was being wheeled away before Dean could even see him. The doors to the hospital swung shut and everything was silent, and Dean felt a dull pain as he fell to his knees on the hard floor and looked at his bloody hands. He sobbed brokenly and he realized Sam was kneeling in front of him and hugging him tightly, and the two brothers clung to each other.

Castiel felt himself being pulled away from Sam. He protested weakly, crying out for his brother and fiancé. The doctors were yammering about medicines and surgeries and he had no idea what was going on. He passed out again and found himself coming back into consciousness in a clean bed. The bleeding had stopped, as much as he could tell. He had yet to open his eyes or move. Now that he thought about it, he couldn't. He cried out in his head but nothing came out of his mouth. His lips stayed closed. He began to freak out, trying desperately to move but nothing happened. He was trapped in his body.

Sam stood up after a moment and pulled Dean to his feet. "Go wash the blood off yourself, I'm gonna call the police and tell them what happened." Dean nodded numbly and walked into the bathroom on shaky legs. There was nobody in the bathroom, which Dean was thankful for, and he looked at himself in the mirror. There was a streak of blood on on his cheek and he frantically tried to wash it off, sobbing when the blood didn't come off completely. It was in the shape of Castiel's hand, smudged in the middle, and Dean's tears had made tracks down into it.

Castiel could hear the monitor's steady beat. His finger tips felt like they were twitching but he was sure they weren't moving otherwise the doctor would have noticed by now. He could hear them talking about what injuries he had. "Ripped rectum, broken ankle, several punctures to the thigh and main arteries. He's lucky to be alive," the doctor's chime to whoever he was talking to. He hoped it was Dean. He could really do with his voice right now. Even if he was in a coma.

A little while later, Sam and Dean were standing in Castiel's hospital room and the doctor was speaking to them, and Dean had managed to calm down enough to process what the doctor was saying. Sam stood beside him, their arms touching in a reassuring warmth as they tried to comfort each other. Dean looked down at Castiel's pale, still face. His hair was all cut off and his scalp was cut and bleeding in some places, and he was unresponsive. "Is he going to be okay?"

Castiel heard Dean speak and he would smile if he could. Dean. Dean was here. Oh, beautiful Dean. He always pulled through. "We're not sure," the doctor said sadly. "He's in a coma, he lost a lot of blood. We're doing all we can." Woah, what? He might not survive. He was right here! Couldn't anyone see him breathing. He was fine. He just needed to move, speak, anything. Tell them he was here and listening. This was a nightmare. He couldn't even tell Dean he loved him and everything would be okay. Because he didn't know. He didn't know whether he'd make it through another near death experience. Maybe one was just too many.

Dean clenched his jaw and stared hard at the doctor. "What do you mean, you don't know?" He demanded harshly, taking a step towards the doctor. Why couldn't these people ever give a straight answer? Dean opened his mouth to say something else, but Sam put a hand on his shoulder and grounded him, and suddenly Dean's emotions changed to weariness and sadness. He sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing a hand over his face, and then took a few steps closer to the bed so he could reach Castiel's hand, which was cool and limp. He watched Castiel's face, but there was no response to his touch. "How long will he be in a coma?" He asked quietly, not allowing himself to think of the other question that could be asked, 'how long does he have?'

Castiel whimpered in his mind, desperately trying to squeeze Dean's hand back when he felt it slip into his but no such luck. This was torture he could move, couldn't speak, couldn't do anything. He couldn't even comfort Dean after everything he'd seen. The doctor sighed. "A few days, weeks, comas are very unpredictable. But if the blood transfusions take he should be stirring in a few hours. If not...he might never wake up." The doctor gave a sympathetic look before leaving the room.

At those words, Dean's chest felt so tight that he couldn't breathe and he had to sit down. He scooted his chair closer to the hospital bed and laid his head on Castiel's chest, stroking his fingers over the rough fabric of his hospital gown absently. He drew in a shaky breath and let it out in a tense sigh, a few tears slipping down his face and landing on Castiel's chest. "Cas, I swear to God... if you don't pull through this I don't know what I'm going to do... I will personally hunt down Lucifer and kill him, and it won't be pretty. Just... please, if you can hear me... Cas, please." His voice cracked on the last word and he squeezed his eyes shut tight.

Castiel wanted to sob, wanted to run a gentle hand into Dean's hair but everything was black and numb. It felt like gravity was weighing him down more than usual, stopping him from moving or doing anything but breathe. He hated listening to Dean like this, all lost and broken. He wasn't sure what had happened to Lucifer but if Dean went after him he would never return and that would kill Castiel more than any torture Lucifer had inflicted on him.

Dean felt Sam's hand rest on his back again, and he said softly, "Dean, I called the police and reported this, I gave them a name and a description and I told them where he was when we last saw him, and everything that happened, and I asked them to let me know when they find him and arrest him. I don't know if he's still knocked out, but he could be long gone by now... I just don't know." Dean nodded silently. There was a knock on the door a few minutes later, and a uniformed police officer stepped into the room. Sam nodded to him and then patted Dean on the shoulder. "I'll be back in a few minutes, just gotta answer some questions." he told Dean, and Dean was eternally grateful that his little brother was so smart and resourceful.

Castiel heard Sam's voice and felt a wave of relief wash over him. They were both still here and safe. He could feel the weight of Dean's head against his chest and it was a small comfort to have him so close. Even if he couldn't move. His pinky finger twitched in effort but the movement was so tiny he wasn't sure whether it was him doing it or just the way Dean was holding his hand.

Once Sam was out of the room, Dean very gently pushed Castiel over on the bed and then climbed onto the space next to him, carefully curling up beside him and resting his head on Castiel's chest, tucked under his chin. His hand rested over Castiel's heart, which was beating slower and somewhat fainter than usual, but it was steady. Dean couldn't get the horrifying image of Castiel bent roughly over the desk, blood streaming everywhere and his hair all chopped off, face contorted by pain and agony, while Lucifer raped him brutally. "Cas, you need to fight this off. I know you're tough enough, you're one of the strongest people I know. I don't even know if you can hear me right now... but please, Cas." He closed his eyes tightly and bit his lip. "I'm here waiting,"

Castiel felt like sobbing. He wished he could hold Dean. Tell him everything would be okay but how was he to know? The doctor had said he might not make it and that scared him more than anything. Not because he might die but because Dean would be all alone. He tried moving his fingers, but nothing happened. Dean had told him he was stronger than he knew and he wanted to prove to him that he was, by waking up and fighting this. His heart monitor began to beep a little quicker, indicating his heart was beating faster, not by much, still weak, but enough to maybe show Dean that he was here and listening.

In the relative silence of the hospital room, Dean could feel Castiel's heart beating and he wasn't sure if he was imagining things, but the beeping of the heart monitor sounded faster as well. He looked up at the screen and noticed that Castiel's heart rate had increased slightly, and he quickly looked down at Castiel's face but there was no change there. His skin was pale and his face looked slightly swollen, and there was dark bruising around his eyes and some on his neck as well, and his head was a disaster. Most of his hair was cut off roughly, right down to the scalp, which was mottled with bruises and cuts and bandaged in some places, dried blood still on his face in some places. Dean carefully shifted around so he was propped up on one elbow looking down at Cas, and he closed his eyes and rested his forehead's against Castiel's, wishing there was some way he could communicate to him. "Come on," he pleaded, "Don't make me kiss you awake, Sleeping Beauty." Dean sighed sadly and draped an arm over Castiel's chest as he settled back down against him, face resting in the crook of Castiel's neck.

Castiel laughed mentally at that, Dean's company keeping his spirits up. His heart rate was still weak and he still needed a small oxygen mask to help him breathe but somehow, with Dean there his vitals were improving. He hoped Dean noticed. He needed him to know that Castiel was trying hard to fight back. It was like he was there, another person inside his shell of a body, slamming desperately on the walls but nothing was moving. When Dean pressed their foreheads together it sent a shiver down his spine, or maybe he imagined it. Like he was feeling what he was supposed to when Dean touch him like that. He wasn't sure. None of this made sense anymore. He tried again, desperately trying to move his finger in an attempt to break the paralysis. It was like waking up and being unable to move for a few moments only he was stuck like this and very much awake. The tip of his finger twitched and he felt like crying. He did it. He'd actually done it. Only problem was, it was the hand between him and Dean and from the angle he could feel Dean sitting in, he wasn't sure whether he'd even felt or seen the miracle Castiel had just performed.

Dean thought he felt something against his side where Castiel's hand was resting, and he wondered if it was possible for Cas to have moved his fingers. Dean held his breath and then moved slightly so he could hold Castiel's hand in his own and watched closely for any sign of movement. After a very long moment of Dean staying perfectly still and nothing happening, he let out his breath in a disappointed sigh and gave Castiel's hand a squeeze. "Wake up," he whispered against Castiel's cheek, closing his eyes again and pressing a gentle kiss against Castiel's bruised skin, hoping with everything he had that Castiel could feel it.

Castiel felt his heart rate flutter a little as Dean began to show interest in his vital signs, trying to get him to respond again but try as he might, Castiel couldn't. He was too weak. He'd used all he had to move his finger just inch. He felt the morphine coursing through his veins, making him weary but very much awake and conscious all at the same time. He sighed mentally, feeling Dean's lips on his cheek. With the morphine, the touch was gentle and sweet and made Castiel cry out but no one heard him. Just him, himself and Jimmy.

The door startled Dean and he sat up on the edge of the bed as Sam walked in. He smiled grimly at Dean. "The police asked me some questions and stuff and they said that Lucifer's no longer in the house but they're in pursuit of him, and I told them I hit him on the head pretty hard, so..." he shrugged. "But there's no way he's getting anywhere near Cas, and his picture's on the news and everyone's looking for him so they can arrest him again, but they said this case might have to go to trial." Dean nodded numbly and stared down at his hands.

Hearing the door go, Castiel paused in thought, thinking it was a doctor that would have to ask Dean to move away. But then he heard Sam's voice and felt a little tension fade. He was glad everyone was after Lucifer, and yet, a small part of him felt guilty. This was his fault that he was going to get arrested again. He was still his brother after all and was going to go back to jail and it was all his fault. Still, for now, he and Dean were safe. That's all that mattered. His fingertip twitched in response to the good news. His hand still clasped in Dean's.

Dean sucked in a breath and looked at Cas with wide eyes, hoping to see him awakening, but there was no difference. He'd definitely felt Castiel's finger twitch, but it was barely noticeable and only a very small movement. Sam looked at Dean and Cas with alarm. "What's the matter?" He asked quickly, and Dean shook his head and sighed. "His hand just moved," he murmured, "I swear I just felt his hand move." Sam said nothing, and the silence was broken by a nurse entering the room followed by a doctor. He smiled stiffly at Dean and Sam, and for some reason Dean immediately didn't like him. "I'm Doctor Zachariah," he said, shaking Dean's hand and then Sam. "You two got Castiel here just in time, he was bleeding very badly."

Castiel celebrated mentally, he'd done it. This time felt easier. Maybe if he practised enough he'd be able to squeeze Dean's hand back. He tensed and tried to listen closely as a doctor came in. He could still feel Dean next to him on the bed and hoped he wouldn't have to leave soon. He needed Dean to stay with him. He tried twitching his finger again but nothing happened. He groaned in frustration. His thumb twitched slightly underneath Dean's. He just hoped he kept feeling it and got the doctor to tone down his medication so he could stay concious more than five minutes and maybe wake up some time soon.

"Technically, you boys shouldn't even be in here, I understand that you're not blood relatives of Castiel." Dean stared back at the doctor defiantly and held Castiel's hand a little tighter when he felt the twitch of another finger, the movement giving Dean a hopeful determination and a certainty that Cas would recover. "I'm his fiance," he told the doctor through clenched teeth, "I'm not going anywhere, and neither is my brother." Dr. Zachariah rose his eyebrows and nodded, an expression which Dean found very patronizing and irritating. "I hate to tell you this, son, but I don't know if Castiel is going to recover from this." The doctor said in a soft, sympathetic voice, but his eyes looked emotionless. Dean suddenly felt very angry, and he glared at the man. "He's going to recover," he argued, "He's already started moving his fingers. Look."

Castiel listened to the doctor and could feel Dean's hand tighten on his and he could tell he didn't like the doctor. He wished he could be there to comfort Dean, calm him down with a kiss to the forehead and whisper tender sweet nothings into his ear to soothe his anger. Castiel didn't even care about the faith the doctor's had in him. All he cared about was that Dean never gave up on him. He heard Dean draw attention to him. He tried his best to twitch his finger again but nothing happened. Shit. He tried again and again desperately, to prove to them all he would recover but nothing was happening.

Dean bit his lip and laid Castiel's hand in his lap, massaging the knuckles absently and ignoring the look Dr. Zachariah was giving him. "He just did it a second ago," he insisted, but he knew his argument was weak because the doctor sighed and folded his hands. "He's lost a lot of blood and it's possible he has sustained brain damage, but we won't know for sure unless he comes out of the coma." he said, "And, not to mention the internal damage he's suffered. He's at a high risk for infection right now. And that's actually the reason I came in here, I need to check the injury and make sure the stitches are in place. He had to have reconstructive surgery and stitches put in, and I'm going to have to ask you boys to leave the room so I can check him."

Castiel freaked out, trying his very best to twitch his finger. He didn't want to be left alone. Not knowing what was going on. He didn't want some randomer touching him and not be able to see what they were doing. Didn't they know what he was in for? He'd been raped. They couldn't just touch him like he was some ordinary patient. He was severally traumatised. They couldn't do this to him. They just couldn't. He managed to twitch his finger again. His heart rate increasing as panic set in.

Dean shook his head. "No, I'm not leaving," he protested, squeezing Castiel's hand harder. He'd felt another twitch, and the heart monitor indicated an increase in his pulse rate. Everyone turned to look at the heart monitor, and Dr. Zachariah put his stethoscope in his ears and then leaned forward to listen to Castiel's heart. Dean watched the doctor's face for any signs of something bad happening, but Dean knew that Cas was aware of what was happening and he was scared. He gently stroked the back of Castiel's hand with his thumb to try to soothe him. "I'm not going anywhere." he promised quietly.

Castiel felt Dean's hand against his and a soothing wave of energy flowed through him. Dean was here. He was here to stay and there wasn't a thing they could do about it. He tried twitching his finger again and managed to curl a finger around Dean's. He just hoped it was enough to show them he was a fighter and with Dean, he would get through this.

Dean's breath caught in his throat and he looked at Castiel's hand in his own, tears of relief beginning to well up in his eyes. "Cas," he whispered, and then he felt the doctor's hand on his back. Dean shrugged away from the touch and ground his teeth. "Dean, I'm going to have to ask you to leave now." Dean shook his head firmly. "No, I'm staying right here." he replied defiantly, daring the doctor to challenge him. "Do whatever you need to do but I'm gonna stay with him. Sam, you don't have to stay if you don't want to," he added, noticing Sam's wide-eyed, frightened expression as he looked at Cas. "Okay... I'll wait outside," he said with a reassuring nod to Dean.

Castiel would smile if he could. The mask was still on his face so they probably wouldn't have seen anything anyway. He just kept trying to hold Dean's hand properly, his fingers twitching on the rare occasion and sometimes even managing to curl a finger or two around Dean's. It meant so much to him that he was still here. Showing him the way and not leaving him in the dark. Literally. He pressed his fingertips to Dean's palm and tried to trace a heart but it hurt too much. The morphine wearing off he couldn't do too much after that but things began to feel less numb. The fact he could feel, no matter how much it hurt, would always be a sign of progression to him.

Dean smiled widely with tears blurring his vision as Castiel continued to move his fingers slightly, the movements growing just a little bit stronger and more deliberate. It was amazing, and Dean lifted Castiel's hand to his lips and kissed each fingertip gently as the doctor and nurse began preparing for the examination. When they were ready, wearing masks and gloves, the nurse came over to Dean and smiled at him before lifting her mask up to her face. "I'm Tessa," she said, her voice soft and sweet and Dean instantly liked her. "We need to turn Castiel onto his side for this," She rolled Castiel onto his side so he was facing Dean, and Dean scooted closer to him once she was done.

Castiel could hear a soft female voice and he instantly warmed to her. She sounded motherly and less clinical and much more nurturing than the doctor. He could feel himself being shifted and panic rose in him again until he remembered Dean was right there. He could feel him close, his breath tingling his skin. He tried his best to keep hold of Dean's hand, considering the paralytic state he was in at the moment. He tried to control his breathing. His heart rate spiking for a moment before dying down once he'd settled and remembered, Dean wasn't going anywhere.

Dean didn't let go of Castiel's hand as he watched the doctor closely. Dr. Zachariah had a small plastic box in his hands that he set on the bed beside Cas, but Dean couldn't see what was in it. Dean bit his lip anxiously as the doctor carefully lifted up Castiel's hospital gown and looked at his body with a frown of concentration. Dean felt uncomfortable on Castiel's behalf and he continued gently stroking his hand. The doctor pushed Castiel's leg slightly at an angle and then took a small piece of gauze dipped in antibiotic liquid and dabbed it over Castiel's body.

Castiel couldn't move couldn't scream out. All his energy being transferred into the effort it took to just hold Dean's hand. His fingers abruptly twitched, jolting in Dean's hand. His way of telling them he wasn't comfortable with what was happening. It stung and no one was the wiser. This was horrible. Having no control. He felt like he was back with Lucifer, bound and helpless. Only back then, he saw no way of getting out. Now, now he had Dean.

Dean gasped in surprise at the sudden movement of Castiel's hand, and he leaned forward to press a kiss to Castiel's forehead. He would've kissed Castiel's lips, but the oxygen mask was in the way and Dean didn't want to disrupt it. "It's okay, baby," Dean murmured, stroking Castiel's cheek gently. "I'm here, I've got you. I love you. My angel." Dean wanted to cry. "You're hurting him," he told the doctor angrily, and Dr, Zachariah didn't even glance up. "It can't be helped," he said absently as he continued to carefully inspect and clean Castiel's wounds.

Castiel could hear Dean's words and he tried to breathe and soothe the reaction his body was having to the pain. He took a few deep breaths and soon the doctor was moving away and he could concentrate on Dean again with ease. He managed to fully squeeze Dean's hand before falling back into unconsciousness, knowing he'd be safe with Dean here protecting him.

Dean breathed a sigh of relief when the doctor was finished cleaning the wounds, and Castiel's hand relaxed again. His vitals were still the same and nothing changed dramatically, which meant Cas was stable. As soon as the doctor and nurse were gone, having rolled Castiel onto his back again so he could breathe easier, Dean curled up next to him again and wrapped his arms protectively around Castiel. He wished he hadn't seen what had happened, because now it was all he could think about. Lucifer's satisfied face as he violated Castiel, blood everywhere and Castiel's hair scattered over the bed. It was a nightmare, and Dean knew it was going to take much longer for Cas to heal emotionally.

Castiel awoke later, he wasn't sure when but he could still feel Dean beside him, same place he was earlier, only this time fast asleep. That made him more upset than anything. The fact that Dean was so persistent that he had stayed with him this whole time. It wasn't until he realized he could _see _Dean sleeping, did he realize he was awake. He hesitantly tested his arm, his eyes barely able to stay open but he wanted to cherish this time whilst Dean was still sleeping. He managed to put his arm around Dean and stroke his hair weakly before giving up and just letting it rest there. His eyes drooping closed but blinking slowly awake again as he fought to stay awake.

Dean had fallen into a light sleep after a few hours of watching over Cas hoping he would wake up. Sam had driven himself home and Dean was left alone with Cas in the hospital room. He'd dimmed the lights and left the door closed to make it more comfortable and less hospital-ish, and he'd ended up falling asleep on the bed beside Cas. He was woken up by movement and a light touch to his head, and he slowly looked up in confusion to see Cas looking back at him through heavy-hooded eyes. Dean's eyes widened and he smiled in awe. "Cas," he whispered, reaching out to take off the oxygen mask so he could see Castiel's entire face.

Castiel gave what he hoped was a smile. He wasn't sure. It'd been a while since he'd been able to have a reason to smile. It was beginning to feel alien again. He took a few breaths, doing his best to work his body without the oxygen before even attempting to speak. "Hey, kitten," he said, voice barely a whisper as he tried to get out the words in a soft croak. His voice was raw and dry as anything but there was a definite hint of a smile in the way he curled the words around his lips.

Dean smiled tearfully. Castiel looked so weak and tired, his body completely spent and abused from Lucifer's torture. Dean gently touched Castiel's pale, chapped lips and hushed him. "Don't speak, you're not looking so good. Are you thirsty?" Dean reached over for the water pitcher and poured Castiel a little water in a paper cup and then held it to his lips. Castiel's skin wasn't its normal color; he looked almost ashen, and there were dark bruised circles around both of his red-rimmed eyes. His hair was all gone, but Dean didn't bring attention to it.

Castiel tried to nod but he had a feeling nothing happened. He was still so sore everywhere. He was just so happy to be awake again and be in Dean's arms. The look of pure relief and love on Dean's face was priceless. It wasn't the fancy dinners, the nights out or even the sex that mattered. It was moments like this, just that look that showed Castiel that he meant something to someone. That if he left, the world would miss him and that was more important to him than anything. It was love and it was real. He obediently sipped at the water, grateful for the soothing relief it brought, moistening his throat. He pressed a fingertip to Dean's cheek, tracing a heart to the slightly stubbled skin. If he couldn't speak, then he'd show it.

Cas touched his cheek, and Dean felt him trace the shape of a heart. A tear slid down Dean's cheek and he covered Castiel's hand with his own, pressing a soft kiss to the palm of Castiel's hand and closing his eyes. "I love you," he murmured, resting Castiel's hand back on his cheek and entwining their fingers. "Are you in any pain right now? I can go find Tessa and make her give you some more painkillers or something."

Castiel watched as Dean teared up and wiped the tear away as best as he could. He was just content to have Dean so close, with their hands entwined. He shook his head for no. He was already laced up to the eyeballs in morphine, anything would send him right back to sleep. He wanted to spend as much time as he could with Dean, even if he was drugged up. He was silent for a long time before considering asking Dean whether he saw anything. How much he knew about what Lucifer had done to him. But he couldn't bring himself to ask. He just wanted to pretend that Dean knew nothing. Even if it was just for a little while.

Dean smiled brokenly at Cas and they just gazed at each other for a long moment. "I'm so sorry about what happened," Dean whispered regretfully a few minutes later, ducking his head down to rest his eyes on Castiel's shoulder, the fabric of the hospital gown soaking up his stray tears. He was just so relieved that Castiel was alive and conscious, if Lucifer hadn't answered the phone then Cas would most likely be dead right now, and he'd come way too close for comfort. "He'll pay for what he did to you," Dean promised, "When this goes to court we're going to give them evidence and get him locked up for good."

Castiel's hand went immediately to Dean's hair as the other cried softly on his shoulder. His fingers stroking and massaging the other's scalp tenderly. He wondered what his own head looked like but after he'd pulled out his own hair, he doubted this was much of a shock to Dean and he was grateful for that. He didn't want to talk about it. It hurt too much. Just thinking about it made him want to cry. He remained silent, not wanting to tell Dean he wasn't going to talk about it in front of a whole courtroom. He just kept playing with the other's hair and put his mask back on when he began to feel a little lightheaded.

Dean looked up in concern as Castiel put the oxygen mask back on, and Dean noticed how pale and disoriented Castiel looked. He kissed Cas' forehead softly and stroked his cheek. "Get some rest, babe." he murmured, "I'll be right here when you wake up, I promise I won't go anywhere. Not even to the bathroom." He smirked slightly to try to cheer Cas up a little. "The police might come in here tomorrow and ask you a few questions, if you're up for it. If you don't want to talk to them, that's okay."

Castiel gave a small smile, sighing as the oxygen went to his brain, making him feel less lightheaded. He took off the mask just enough to press his chapped lips to Dean's temple. The movement was weak and straining but he managed it with a small discomforted noise before leaning back against the pillows and putting the mask back on. He loved Dean with all his heart, but there was no way he was going to allow him to hear about what happened to him that night. He closed his eyes and fell asleep quickly, anxiously awaiting what tomorrow brought.

Dean leaned into Castiel's gentle kiss and then smiled softly down at him. "Go to sleep," he whispered, "Everything's gonna be okay." He stroked Castiel's cheek lightly and then lifted the mask off once again for a quick, soft kiss on the lips before replacing it and making sure it was secured in place. Dean settled down beside Cas again and kicked off his shoes, moving around on the bed carefully until Castiel's head rested on Dean's shoulder and Dean's arm wrapped around him and his hand rested lightly on his chest, right above his heart where he could feel his heartbeat. He stayed awake for a long time after Cas had fallen asleep, his mind troubled by what he'd seen. He didn't know exactly what had happened, but he'd seen enough. It was difficult to understand why Lucifer would do such an awful thing to his little brother, especially after all the abuse he'd been through. Some people were just messed up, he supposed, but that didn't make it okay. This whole thing was so fucked up, and Dean didn't know what to think. He fell asleep finally after about two hours, and slept lightly for most of the night, waking up a few times out of panic and checking on Castiel.

Castiel slept thoroughly, mainly because he was so drugged up he was unable to worry about Lucifer right now. He was too weak and tired and he just needed time to get better before he focused on anything else. He didn't dream. Which he sighed in relief because of. He didn't want to relive the events just yet. He knew his mind was just aching to replay the images of Lucifer defiling his body, over and over again. He awoke in the early hours by Tessa checking on them and fixing his IV drip. He gave her a weak smile, grateful he had such a caring woman to help him through this as well as the bundle of warmth he was currently pressed up against.

Dean was awoken from his restless sleep by a machine whirring and a quiet voice speaking. He opened his eyes groggily and stretched, glancing at Tessa with a sheepish smile. His neck ached a little from the way he'd been sleeping, but he ignored it and sat up on the edge of the bed to look down at Castiel. "Hey," he said, rubbing Castiel's chest gently. "I gotta use the bathroom real quick, okay?" Dean got up and walked the few steps to the bathroom so he could relieve himself and freshen up a little bit. When he came out of the bathroom, he yawned and went back over to Castiel, sitting in a chair beside the bed to give Tessa room to move around. "How are you feeling?"

Castiel would have asked for help doing the same before he realized he was hospitalised. He had a cafeter bag hooked up to him. Well, that was always a turn on. He was still too drugged up to care right now and Dean himself had been in hospital for a long time so he knew the drill. "Peachy," he said dryly, pressing his head back against the pillows. His hand holding the oxygen mask as he talked to Dean.

Dean snorted in amusement and looked Cas over. He didn't look much better, but at least he could speak somewhat. Tessa didn't seem too overly concerned, so that put Dean a little more at ease. Dean looked at the clock and realized it was only 7:30 in the morning, which was probably too early for Sam to be awake yet. He wondered if they'd caught Lucifer, and Dean hoped there was enough evidence to prove that Castiel had been raped. "Are you thirsty?" He asked.

Castiel took another breath from the mask before shaking his head for no. He was just glad to have Dean here, despite the fact he should be in school. He wasn't sure how long he'd been in that coma and what day it was but last he checked it was Sunday night so Dean should be heading out to school. Although the chances of that happening were thin. Dean was persistent and he knew he'd refuse to leave his side. Which he was grateful for. "You shown Tessa your ring yet, kitten?" Castiel managed to say with a small smile, wanting something positive to focus on and looked over at Dean with bright eyes.

Dean grinned brightly at that and looked down at his hand with the ring on it. He turned to Tessa with a proud smile and showed off the simple engagement band. "Look," he said happily, "Cas and I are engaged. We're getting married next winter." It was nice to have a distraction from this horrible situation, and Tessa looked excited. She took Dean's hand and looked at the ring with a wide smile and then grinned down at Cas. "That's so sweet!" She said, "How long have you two known each other?" Dean looked at Cas thoughtfully. "Just under a year," he told her.

"Feels like a lifetime," Castiel said with a breathless smile. Reaching out for Dean's hand with his free hand. His other holding the mask occasionally over his mouth to take a few deep breaths. He was glad Dean was willing to play along, pretend everything was fine and nothing had happened at all. "Soon will be," he corrected himself quietly. "Once you agree to be mine for eternity."

Dean squeezed Castiel's hand smiled softly at him. "I've already agreed to that," he said, bringing Castiel's hand up to his lips to kiss the knuckles. It was breaking his heart to see Castiel looking this weak and helpless, but he was clearly not going to let his condition stop him from fighting. He was so strong inside and it made Dean feel weak. "We're already like a married couple, just without the legal papers to prove it."

Castiel felt his heart swell with joy at Dean's words. He put the mask back on for a moment, taking a deep breath as he squeezed Dean's hand. "Well we've certainly got the 'for better or for worse' part nailed," he said sarcastically, smirking teasingly before realizing just how deep those words run. He was silent for a moment, taking the chance to use the mask again and try and salvage the good mood. "Still. I want the legal papers. Means I finally get to see you in a dress after you flaked out on me at prom."

Dean's smile faded as he realized the accuracy of Castiel's words, and he shrugged and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, definitely," he muttered, and then he rolled his eyes at Castiel's next comment. "If I'm wearing a dress to the wedding, so are you. It's only fair." He grinned teasingly and patted Castiel's shoulder. While Dean appeared light and joking on the outside, he was really thinking about how lucky they both were to be alive after everything that had happened to them.

Castiel pouted, "I don't look as good in white as you do." He couldn't help but see Dean was deep in thought behind those dim green eyes. He tried his best to reach out for Dean, clasping his hand under Dean's chin and pulling him as close as he could managed to press a tender, sincere kiss to Dean's lips. "I don't care what you wear," he whispered, stroking his thumb over the other's jaw. "I'll love you no matter what."

Dean smiled gratefully and kissed Castiel back. "Thanks, Cas." He murmured, "I was really starting to worry about what style of dress I was gonna pick out and a special diet I need to go on so I can fit into it." He smirked teasingly and kissed Castiel again before backing away. He noticed Tessa watching them from across the room where she was pretending to write something on a clipboard, and he blushed slightly and hid his face in Castiel's shoulder. "Love you," he mumbled.

Castiel sighed happily, nuzzling into Dean's hair and resting a hand there too. "We'll get through this, kitten," he promised, putting the mask back on for one last deep breath before putting it by his side for now. His hand now wrapping weakly around Dean. "We've shown the world before it doesn't own us. We can do it again." He pressed a soft kiss into Dean's hair, oblivious to the fact Tessa was still in the room.

Dean nodded. "I know we can," he said quietly, "We're not going to let anything stop us. We've made it this far, and we can make it anywhere." He picked up the oxygen mask with a frown. "Put this back on," he insisted, "I don't want you to pass out or anything." Dean couldn't help but be worried considering Castiel's current condition, even if Cas thought he was fine. "Do you still hurt?" He asked carefully.

Castiel didn't bother protesting. He let Dean mother him and put the mask on again. He shook his head, even though he hurt a little he didn't want to be completely zoned out on medication. He wanted to stay awake with Dean and keep him safe and calm too. He wanted to make sure Dean knew he was okay. He squeezed Dean's hand and rested his head on the pillow, head tilted to the side so he could look over at Dean with a soft, fond expression.

Dean sighed in relief at Castiel's response and smiled, reaching over to stroke Castiel's cheek gently and rest his palm against his jaw. It made him incredibly sad to see Castiel looking this weak and vulnerable, with the sad, tired little smile on his face even after what had happened to him. Dean knew that Lucifer's attack would most likely be a major setback in Castiel's life, and it wasn't fair that this had to happen. Castiel had already lost so much, and just when things were starting to get better, Lucifer came back into Castiel's life.

Castiel leaned into Dean's touch gently, ignoring the slight pain he got from the bruised skin. He zoned out pretty easily. His mind already eager to replay the night's events to him. You know, just if by some miracle he'd forgotten. Lucifer's blade smooth against his skin, cutting neatly at his thigh as he lapped up the blood with his tongue. Castiel had never thought he'd miss the feel of metal against his skin so much but he'd take it any day if it was a choice between that and anyone touching him that way but Dean.

Dean watched Castiel for a few minutes, noticing the way his eyes glazed over and then closed, emotions flitting across his face, and he remembered that Cas was really drugged up and his thoughts were probably all over the place. Dean returned to holding Castiel's hand, with his free hand he took out his cell phone and called Sam. Sam sounded tired but surprisingly chipper for 8 in the morning. "Hey, did the police get him yet?" He didn't want to say Lucifer's name in front of Cas in case it would trigger a panic attack in his delirious state. "Yes, luckily. They arrested him last night, he didn't get very far from the house."

Castiel's breathing became heavier, but not enough for Dean to notice. Not that he was paying attention anyway. To busy talking on the phone. "Stop," he whispered, barely a breath as he could feel Lucifer crawling up his body and pressing against him. His body weighing down despite there nothing being there. Lucifer's breath in his ear made his skin crawl, making him shiver in disgust and trying to wriggle free like he had done that night. "I'm sorry, Dean. I'm so sorry," he whispered over and over again, squeezing his eyes shut in shame as he tried to hide in the pillows. The sharp twang of Lucifer's blade digging back into him.

Dean exhaled in relief and then turned back to Cas, alarmed to see him mumbling something under his breath and writhing uncomfortably on the bed. "Hey, I gotta call you back, Sammy," he said quickly, resting his hand calmingly on Castiel's chest. "Okay, I'll stop in later to see you guys." Dean pocketed his cell phone and then gently shook Castiel's shoulder. "Cas," he murmured, "It's okay, I'm right here." He could hear what Cas was saying now. He was apologizing to Dean repeatedly, and Dean tried to shush him. "Shhh," he whispered, "It's all right, you're safe now. Nothing's going to happen to you."

Castiel could feel himself let out a shaky breath as he looked over at Dean worryingly. He nodded weakly, trusting Dean's instincts. He would be safe with him. "Promise?" he asked weakly, holding out his hand for Dean and squeezing it softly. He knew he was being childish but he couldn't help himself. He was very vulnerable right now and Dean was the only person he was comfortable enough with to share that fact.

"I promise," Dean answered soothingly, giving Castiel's hand a squeeze in return. "I know you might not want to talk about it, but I think you should know that Lucifer was arrested last night, and I'm pretty sure this case is going to court. There's going to be a trial by jury, unless Lucifer pleads guilty. We'll have to wait and see, but either way he's not going to be allowed near you ever again, I promise."

Castiel relaxed at Dean's words a little. Hiding his face in the pillows, away from Dean but he kept hold of his hand. He gave it a squeeze in thanks but didn't say anything. what was there to say? Thanks for helping send my brother back to prison where he'll only be more determined to kill me? Thanks for making it official that my family are the worst people on the planet? Thanks for reminding me that my life is nothing but pain and misery? Yeah, he had everything going for him. That's for sure.

Dean sighed and brought his other hand up to clasp it around Castiel's as he hid his face in the pillow. "Look, I get that he's your brother, but what he did was really messed up and he deserves to be locked up for that. Your safety is the most important thing, and you don't need to defend Lucifer or take any blame for what happened. You did nothing wrong and none of this is your fault."

Castiel took his hand away and hid under the covers and away from Dean. He knew this wasn't his fault. He didn't have to tell him that like he was a fucking five year old. He was quiet for a very long time before muffling into the pillows. "I want you to leave." It was very quiet but he hoped Dean had heard it. He needed some time alone. What he'd said had made him feel even worse and he couldn't deal with that right now.

Dean frowned in confusion when Castiel pulled his hand out of Dean's and retreated under the blankets on the bed. Dean waited for a few minutes, unsure of what to do, and was about to reach out and touch Castiel's shoulder when Cas told him to leave. Dean froze and withdrew from Castiel uncertainly. "Cas..." he started to protest quietly, but then he sighed and stood up. "Okay." He was a little hurt by Castiel's rejection, but there wasn't much he could do. If Cas wanted him to go, he'd leave him alone without question, no matter how hard it was. He left the room and closed the door behind him, but once he was outside he had no idea what to do.

Castiel sighed, rubbing his face into the pillows to hide his tears. He didn't want Dean to leave and yet, he'd hurt him. He couldn't let him stay. He needed to understand he couldn't just say things like that and expect him to be okay. He was fragile and in a dark place. He took a deep sigh and sat up in the bed. Looking around the room and wondering what to do with himself now that the only person who cared enough to stay had actually left.

Dean walked down the quiet hallway a little ways before he stopped and leaned against the wall at the end of the hallway. There was a little storage alcove of some sort there, and he sank down to the ground and drew his knees up to his chest, unable to hold back his tears any longer. He cried until he had no more tears left to cry, his chest heaving and spasming as he tried to breathe normally through his choking sobs. He couldn't do this in front of Castiel, so maybe it was best that he was asked to leave so he could get all of this out of his system.

Castiel felt numb. Not just because of the morphine. Dean, Lucifer, everyone had done this to him. They'd all hurt him and he didn't know how to stop it. His mind drew a blank as he tried to figure out how to prevent his life from caving in completely. He'd fought to stay alive, for Dean and now. Now, it didn't seem worth it. His existence was destroying everyone he held dear and he couldn't take it anymore. He was sick of hurting everything and everyone. He had to put it right. He tried helplessly to get out of bed, still weary and exhausted. He'd managed to shift just enough to catch his casted foot on the edge of the bed and fall to the ground with a thud, ripping out all his drips in the process. He grunted in pain but didn't make to move. He deserved this. So he'd just lie here and wallow in his own self pity until God gave him the good grace to stop fucking his entire being.

Dean didn't know how long he sat there, but he realized his legs were starting to go numb and his butt hurt from sitting on the hard floor. People had been walking by him, but nobody had seen him and he'd been left alone for who knows how long, but he didn't know what to do anymore. He decided to toughen up and go into the mens room to fix himself up. Once he was in there, he stared at himself in the mirror and splashed cold water over his face to try to reduce the redness and puffiness from crying, and once he looked relatively normal, he dried his face off and fixed his hair and straightened his clothes, brushing off the dust, and took to wandering around the hospital. He headed down the stairs to the gift shop just for something to do, because he didn't think he was wanted in Castiel's room just yet.

It wasn't until a new nurse came in to check on his vitals was he told to get off the floor. Castiel didn't care much for the woman's attitude. She was too strict and clinical for his liking. Much like Nurse Ratched. The thought sent a small shiver down his spine. "Where's Tessa?" he asked, ignoring the woman's order to get off the floor. "Her shift finished an hour ago," the woman said, picking Castiel off the floor. Well, more like manhandling but she managed to hook him back up to the machines and get him into bed. She did her routine, checking everything was regular, signing the chart and exiting the room. It made Castiel ponder as to whether there was anything but this. People just treating him like a prize, a toy for their own needs and entertainment. No matter how mundane it was. Whether it was something as simple as changing his hospital bedsheets to earn a living or praising him for his talents to make the school look better. There was always an alternative motive and Castiel was always the poor sack of crap that got used by everyone else.

After another hour of aimless wandering, Dean began to feel antsy and restless, and he gave in to the urge to return to Castiel's room whether he was wanted there or not. It was late afternoon already, and he realized he hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch, but the thought of ingesting food made him feel nauseous. When he reached Castiel's room, he hesitated for a moment before knocking lightly on the door and then letting himself in quietly, looking at Castiel uncertainly. He slowly approached the bed and realized he'd been going about this wrong. No matter what Cas thought, he needed support right now and he needed to know he was loved.

Castiel didn't bother looking up when someone entered the room. He knew it was Dean. He could feel his hesitance. No Doctor would do that. Only someone Castiel knew who wasn't sure where or what to do. So it was Dean. Let's be honest. He didn't have anyone else. Well, anyone else who would be as persistent as Dean. He closed his eyes but didn't turn his body away from Dean. He wasn't going to make him leave again. They both knew he'd only come back anyway.

Dean said nothing, but just crawled onto the bed beside Cas and positioned himself behind him, one leg on either side. He gently pulled Castiel up so he leaned back against Dean's chest, and wrapped his arms around his middle. "Cas," he murmured regretfully, pressing his lips gently against the back of Castiel's head, where the hair was roughly cut off and the skin of his scalp was visible underneath. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do," he admitted in a broken whisper, "But I know that I'm going to stay here no matter what. Please don't send me away again. I don't want you to be alone."

Castiel felt weird like this. With Dean pressed against his back. Earlier they'd been like this but Castiel's head wasn't as clear as it is now. He wasn't thinking properly earlier, and now all he could feel was Lucifer breathing down his neck. He shifted awkwardly and quickly until he faced Dean. Allowing the other to keep himself wrapped up in him but spacing the distance between their faces on the bed so he could see Dean properly and remind himself he was safe with him but he couldn't help but feel like Dean had an alternative motive. Just like everyone else. "You don't want me to be alone or you don't want _you _to be alone?"

Dean let Castiel move around until he was comfortable, not wanting him to feel trapped. It took a lot of willpower not to react negatively to Castiel's response, but he had to be honest. "Both." he answered simply, gazing directly into Castiel's eyes but not making a move to touch him since Castiel seemed wary of everything at the moment. "I don't want to be alone right now because I'm scared that I'm losing you," he admitted, "And I don't want you to be alone because I'm worried about you. I need you to know you're not alone, and there are people who love you who are on your side, and I don't care if you think you don't need me right now, I'm staying with you because you need someone, and I'll be honest with you, I'm probably the best choice, Cas. So you're stuck with me."

Castiel scoffed at Dean's answer, rolling his eyes. "You're an ass," he muttered, despite his lips curling into the faintest of smiles. He rest his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes, taking Dean's hand in his. Of course Dean would be persistent. He always was. If Castiel thought hard enough he'd come to realize that's why he always pushed Dean. To make sure he'd push back. The fact that Dean still did, warmed his heart. Even if everything was still fragile that small glimmer of hope was enough for Castiel right now. He'd drain it dry if Dean let him.

Dean smiled in relief and and stroked his thumb gently over the back of Castiel's hand. He leaned over to press a gentle kiss to Castiel's forehead and then pulled back, leaving a little space between them on the small bed. "I refuse to give up on you," he said firmly, "So you better not give up on me. We're in this together, right? Us against the world." He smiled softly and studied Castiel's face. His eyes were closed and he looked tired, yet peaceful at the same time, which was a huge relief. "Someday, we'll get away from all of this," he said dreamily, "You and I are going to live in our own house, someplace far from here where nobody knows about our past. All of this can be forgotten and we can start over new. Maybe we'll go to college, we'll get jobs and we'll be married. We can start a family if we want to, have pets and go on vacations and wake up with each other every morning and come home to each other every night. This hell isn't going to last forever."

Castiel hummed in the back of his throat. Dean's dreams were everything he wanted. A better future, with Dean. "Sounds wonderful," he murmured with a soft sigh. He knew it would never happen. He had to be realistic. He would never qualify to look after a child. Even with Dean as his partner. They would just shake their heads and send them on their way. And where would they even live? There was no way they could afford anything in the city or even enough to get away from this hellhole. He had his college fund, sure but he needed that to further his education and get a real job. Otherwise they really would be stuck here forever. Here with the daunting memories of Lucifer, Gabriel and everyone else who'd treated him like shit.

He looked over at Dean and smiled just for the sake of showing the other he was okay. Not that he was, but if he didn't check in on Dean every so often he'd start asking questions and telling him it wasn't his fault again. He knew it wasn't. He just didn't like being told the fact like he didn't understand that himself. He sometimes thought Dean forgot he'd been in these situations before. Like Castiel didn't know how to handle them himself. Well he did. And Dean was a lucky bastard for being able to forget that that easily.

There was a soft gasp at the door which stopped Castiel from speaking his mind. His head turned slowly up to see his mother standing there. Her hair dishevelled and hung in loose messy curls around her shoulders. Her eyes looked red and tired. His best guess was she hadn't slept in at least three days. Her clothes crinkled and stretched from where she'd probably slept in them. And yet, there was a soft glow about her skin that would always make her beautiful to him.

"Oh, my baby," she sighed trotting softly in her heels towards Castiel's side of the bed to get a better look at him. She pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, making sure to miss the cuts on his scalp, before moving back again. Giving him the space she could sense he needed. Mother instinct surely was the best. "Are you alright?" she asked worryingly, taking a seat in the chair next to the bed. He could see the look of regret in her face. Either from the idiotic question she'd just asked or because she had been away and not gotten here sooner.

Castiel nodded, tilting his body away from Dean to concentrate on his mother. "Nothing I can't handle," he said, keeping everything he'd shared with Dean inside. He didn't want to worry her. Not after everything she'd been through herself lately. Giving a small uncertain smile, she rested her hand on the bed, allowing Castiel to choose whether he wanted to take it or not. She'd done this a lot with Jimmy and knew exactly what to do so he didn't feel like he was being treated like a baby or was being treated too bluntly. It was exactly what he needed right now. He pressed a few fingertips over the back of her hand and carefully rested his hand there. "I thought you were in Paris?" he finally queried, seeing as how she wasn't going to bring it up.

His mother sighed lightly, smiling tiredly at him. "I came back." Castiel gave an odd look. He could understand her worry to see him but he had Dean, Sam, even Crowley and Bobby if adults were needed to help handle things. She didn't need to be here worrying over him. She could be having fun out there. Doing what she's wanted to do ever since Castiel could remember. It wasn't until Crowley came along was all this possible. "You didn't have to. The annual review is coming up..they need you, mom. They won't be able to manage without you," he said, feeling guilty she'd flown all this way just to see him.

"My family needs me more," she said without missing a beat, shaking her head softly and smiling at Castiel like he was an idiot for not even thinking so. Castiel lowered his gaze, swallowing thickly. Oh. Family. He was it, wasn't he. The only one left she was proud to even consider family. Except perhaps Michael but even so, out of a family of seven. She only had two left. That's what he'd thought until he looked back up to see his mom looking at Dean. A soft, proud smile on her face. He looked slowly over his shoulder at Dean and the look he gave back hit him like a ton of bricks. He _was_ family. Not just in his eyes but in his family's eyes too. He'd never felt so lost before. Not realizing just how close everyone he loved was with each other. He slipped his other hand in Dean's. Connecting the three of them and tried to ignore the throbbing in his head as he gave a pure, heart-felt smile which spread wide across his face.

Dean was startled by the sudden entrance of another person and he tensed in preparation to move between Cas and the intruder to protect him, but he relaxed when he realized it was just Castiel's mother. He smiled at her, but her attention was completely focused on her son. As they were talking, Dean stayed quiet and let them share the moment with each other. Although he wasn't included in their conversation, Dean didn't feel excluded, either. He was here, with people he loved and people who loved him in return, and it worked. They were a family, and Dean turned a warm smile on Cas and then looked at Mrs. Novak. His future mother-in-law. And Cas was his future husband. The fact that Dean and Cas were still together and in love after everything that had happened to them, both in the distant past and the more recent events, proved that it was true; what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Castiel sighed squeezing both his mother's and his fiancé's hand. He loved them both so much and he was shocked by how comfortable he felt around them both. Especially after everything that had happened. "Would you mind getting me some food, mom?" he asked quietly, giving her a soft look. "I'm kinda hungry." His mother smiled and nodded, squeezing his hand back before standing up to leave the room again. "I'll be right back."

Dean felt very emotional, and he had to fight to keep his tears contained. He smiled through his misty eyes and watched Mrs. Novak leave the room. When they were alone, Dean scooted over a little and rested his forehead against Castiel's temple for a moment. "She loves you so much," he murmured, thinking of his own mother. He missed her like he always did, but now that he had Mrs. Novak in his life the pain of losing his own mother didn't hurt quite as badly. It was time to move on and be happy.

Castiel watched as his mother left, ignoring Dean as he shuffled closer. Though he was wary of it and made note of his movements and where his hands were at all times. He wasn't sure what to make of Dean's actions. The way he tried to make things like they were before. He praised his efforts, of course, most of the time it was even needed but at times like this he couldn't understand why Dean would think things would just go back to the way they were. Because they wouldn't. Everything was different. They couldn't go back. Castiel sure as hell didn't want to stay in the present. So what could they do? The only thing to do was move forward.

Pressing his hand carefully into Dean's hair, he remained staring at the now closed door. "And I love her," he countered softly, fingertips dragging gently through the other's hair until he found the small indent of Dean's scarred scalp. He traced the mark for a moment, feeling the weight of it beneath his touch. He remembered how Dean's accident had been one of the most terrifying experiences of his life. Seeing someone he truly loved be put through that. It reminded him that things got better, but they also got worse. Indulging on his selfishness. Castiel would think it was safe to say that this was most definitely worse. So far out to sea that the chances of ever finding land again were thin. He looked down at Dean, his lips curling upward in thought. Still, at least he had Dean for company.

His mother reentered the room, the wafted scent of greased fast foods filled the air. His stomach growling almost animalistically. "I asked one of the nurses and she said you can have a small amount. You're still weak and they want to be able to control your food intake whilst your still recovering," Katherine parroted, taking the paper wrapped burgers out of the brown grease-stained bag. She handed one to Dean and was in the middle of handing Castiel's over when he chimed back in angrily. "I was raped. It's not like a burger is gonna kill me."

Silence drew over the room and Castiel looked down at the packaged food in his hands. The grease seeping through the paper and onto his dry skin. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he began, not looking at either of them. "I'm just-" Katherine stopped him with a soft hand pressed against his arm. "Honey, it's okay," she soothed, stroking his arm softly momentarily before returning to her seat with her burger. She knew from experience her boys didn't like to be touched for too long in times like this. It made them feel weak and pathetic. It made her happy that Dean was the exception. That someone had broken through and been there for her son.

Castiel gave a short nod. Looking miserably at his burger. His appetite somewhat gone. He put it down on the small table next to the bed and looked down at his own hands for a brief moment before wiping the grease away on the material of his hospital gown. The grease making the fabric stick lightly to his skin and fade in colour. Every little mundane thing. Every nook and cranny, fascinating him. The textures, the pattens, the smells. Anything to distract his mind from what was really going on. Those three words only just sinking in as he'd said them aloud. _I was raped._

Dean took his hamburger quietly and sat there holding it He wasn't hungry all of a sudden, and the smell of the greasy hamburger made him feel sick. Hs stared down at it in his hands and absently played with the frayed edges of the paper it was wrapped in, but he didn't feel like eating it. There was a strange tension in the room radiating from Cas, and Dean felt it like an itch under his skin. He held still and didn't look up at Castiel after his comment, and everything was still for a long moment. Dean still didn't speak, but he moved his hand a little closer on the bed, not touching Castiel but letting him know he could hold on if he needed to. Dean couldn't even begin to understand what was going through Castiel's mind right now, and he wasn't sure he wanted to, but he did know that at a time like this Castiel needed to be surrounded by people who loved him. He didn't want to crowd Castiel or make him feel smothered, but he wanted him to know it was okay to need support. Breaking the silence, there was a knock at the door and Sam poked his head in. Dean bit his lip. Sam had either the worst timing or the best timing. He walked in awkwardly upon seeing the three of them sitting in tense silence.

Castiel stayed silent. Keeping his mind away from the people around him. They didn't need to know about what was going on in there. It was too fragile for even the strongest of people to handle. He heard the door click open and he didn't bother looking up. He pressed his fingertips to Dean's hand but didn't pull any further. He was too out of sync with the rest of them to keep up. As long as he had Dean's reassuring touch to remind him he was there, that's all he cared about.

Katherine stepped out of her chair, her hand lingering over Castiel's before moving away. She'd seen the small look of recognition in Dean's face. After a moment comparing the two she'd come to the conclusion of who the boy was. "You must be Sam," she said sweetly, giving the boy a quick hug. She'd heard a lot about him. The doctor had informed her of what happened before she'd come in. Sam was a very brave boy for doing what he did and she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to repay him.

Sam smiled uncertainly and hugged her back. Sam assumed this woman was Castiel's mom, considering the resemblance and the sadness in her tired eyes. "Nice to meat you, Mrs. Novak," he replied, "Everything's taken care of, he's arrested and this case is going to trial." Dean looked at his little brother with pride. Sam was definitely going to make a good lawyer someday, and he was starting early already. "Hey, Cas." he said quietly, walking towards the bed with a caring, worried expression on his face. Dean moved back a little to let Sam talk to Cas if he wanted, because Dean didn't really know what to say. He felt useless, and he didn't know what to do except sit beside Cas and hold his hand.

Katherine gave a small and patted Sam's back. "Call me, Kathy, sweetie," she said in that soft, motherly voice of her's. She sat back down in her chair and closed her eyes for a moment, giving the boys some time but also because she was still tired from the journey over. Castiel 's mind snapped back into play. His eyes looking widely up at Sam. He reached out for him, grabbing for both of his hands. Dragging the other down until he could reach the boy's neck to gently pull their foreheads together. "Bless you, Sammy," he whispered. He'd understood why Dean had come to his rescue but Sam, Sam could have died if things hadn't gone down quite as smoothly. Lucifer was strong. He may not have a height advantage on Sam but he would easily be able to take him down.

Sam stiffened in confusion for a moment as Cas grabbed at him, but then he relaxed and leaned into Castiel, gently cupping his face and sighing slightly, closing his eyes. Dean watched the scene with sad eyes and backed off a little as his brother gave Castiel the comfort Dean didn't think he could. "I'm so glad you're okay," Sam whispered, hugging Castiel gently in the awkward position in which he was leaned over the bed. He knew Cas really wasn't okay, but it was enough that he was alive. "I know that what happened was awful, but I'm really grateful you're alive, Cas." He said, backing up to look down at Cas meaningfully.

Castiel sighed, keeping his hands on Sam's neck for a brief moment before moving away again. "Thank you," he nodded awkwardly, really unsure what to say. Dean had said the worst thing that could be said, his mom had said nothing and Sam said everything just right. He didn't really know what to do with that information. He sat back and went for Dean's hair again, feeling the softness of it under his fingertips. It comforted him. "Both of you. My life is yours because without you, there would not be one."

Dean very gently curled his fingers around Castiel's, but loose enough so that Cas could pull away if he wanted. "I love you," he whispered, and Sam nodded in agreement. "I do too, Cas." he added softly, giving him a gentle smile. Dean stared down at their hands, and after a moment Sam added his hand to theirs and rested his big hand on top of both of theirs, connecting the three of them, and neither of the brothers said anything for a moment. "Cas," Dean began shakily, "My life is yours too."

Castiel sighed, pressing a light kiss to Dean's cheek. Nervous about the action but still went through with it because he knew he was safe with the Winchester's. "I-I love you too," he whispered into Dean's ear, nervous about what would happen. Everything felt alien to him again after everything that happened. He was nervous and vulnerable and didn't know what to do. He moved his hand away and slowly curled in on himself, facing Dean and stretching his hand out to rest on Dean's knee.

Dean closed his eyes at the kiss and then gently touched Castiel's wrist, tracing light circles and patterns into his skin to soothe them both. Cas looked completely miserable and Dean wasn't feeling much better, and he was kind of at a loss for what to do. "I know you do," he whispered back. "Cas, is there anything I can do?" Dean looked at Cas desperately, wishing he had an idea of what to do. Cas was helpless and vulnerable on the bed, beaten and abused and Dean didn't know how to fix that. He could usually fix most things, but this one something he didn't know how to cure.

Castiel smiled a little, shuffling up to Dean a little a pressing his nose against his shoulder. "Honestly. I don't know. I'm at a loss, Dean," he said honestly. "Every time I close my eyes, he's there. His hands moving over my body, sending chills down my spine. I-I can't take it anymore. It's too much." He felt his body collapsing with exhaustion and slumping against Dean's arm. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Dean gently wrapped his arm around Castiel's shoulders so he could use his arm for a pillow and held him close in a gentle, loving embrace. "Cas, you're stronger than you think. You will get past this, believe me. I know it's going to be hard, but Sam and me are here for you and we'll help you. Just don't push us away, no matter how you're feeling." Dean kissed Castiel's cheek carefully and Sam nodded in agreement.

Castiel nuzzled shyly into Dean's arm and tried to relax from the familiar scent. He could here his mom standing up and felt a soft hand squeeze his arm. "I'll be at home, sweetie," she murmured. She had a lot of work to do when she got back home. She had to clean up the crime scene once the police were done taking evidence to take Lucifer down. She looked at the two boys and trusted them to take care of her boy. "Bye, mom," Castiel said with a thankful smile. Telling her he was grateful she'd come at all.

Dean and Sam said goodbye to Kathy and when she left the room was left in silence. Sam pulled up a chair on the other side of the bed and sat beside Cas, one brother of either side of him. Dean didn't move closer to Cas but he didn't move away, wanting to let Cas do what he was comfortable with and not wanting to push him to the limit. "Are you feeling any better?" Dean asked him softly, speaking into Castiel's shoulder.

Castiel waited until his mom was gone to let out a soft sigh, wiggling a little to get comfortable again, making sure to keep his drip in place and not tangled between himself and Dean. "A little," he said honestly. He was still on a lot of medication. It was hard to tell what was physical and what was mental. Images of Lucifer's eerie smile still etched into his mind. He felt queazy from it but he tried his best to shake it. He shifted again so he had his back to Dean and was now facing Sam. He kept his hands in a neat pile in front of him and stared blankly at Sam. "You want my burger?" he asked blandly, not really caring either way but felt like he needed to say something to get the brother's to stop this awful silent tension. It wasn't helping anyone and he couldn't take it anymore.

Dean sighed slightly and rested his chin on his hand, his elbow resting on the edge of the bed. Sam looked uncertain, and he shook his head. "No thanks, I'm not hungry either," he admitted, giving Cas a sheepish smile. "But you should probably eat that before it gets soggy and disgusting," Sam commented lightly, and Dean appreciated his effort to relieve the thick tension in the room. "Hospital food is awful. And you'll be hungry sooner or later, I assume, so you might as well just eat it and save yourself from having to eat hospital food later."

Castiel gave a weak nod. Sam was right. He was always right. Always knew what to say too. It annoyed him a little Dean wasn't like that but he was perfect in his own ways. Everyone had their strong points and their weak ones. Castiel only wished in times like these Dean's communication skills weren't his weak spot. He reached out for the burger perched on the side and peeled back the paper packaging a little to reveal the burger. The cheese already melted against the burger and oozing out the sides, sticking lightly to the paper. He shuffled on the bed until he sat up enough to take a small bite out of the burger. He held out the food as an offering to Sam, knowing he wouldn't be able to eat it all without throwing up. He'd feel better if someone else ate too. Instead of them all watching him eat pathetic, tiny bites.

Sam snorted and took the offered burger, biting into it to humor Cas even though he didn't want to eat it. He handed it back to Cas and then stood up to go find some paper towels to use as napkins, because the grease and cheese was melting everywhere. While he was up, Dean shifted back a little bit, feeling like he wasn't needed and he didn't want to interfere. Cas seemed more comfortable with Sam right now, and Dean didn't want to interrupt that, no matter how sad it made him. This was supposed to be his job, but Sam was doing it better and Dean refused to mess things up even more. If Sam was what Cas needed right now, Dean wouldn't be selfish and take that from him.

Castiel was grateful that Sam took a bite. Now it wouldn't be so obvious just how little he was eating. He didn't want to look weak, despite how true that was right now. He ate a little more, tiny bites but managing to eat a fair bit considering he was still on a drip and major medication. He didn't look over when Sam stood up to get something. Instead, returning his attention to Dean briefly. "Would you like some?" he offered, barely a whisper. Raising the burger in his hand to offer it up to Dean.

Dean blinked in surprise, half-expecting to be ignored for the moment, and then shrugged. "Sure," he murmured, and leaned forward to take a small bite of the burger. Dean felt like he was walking on eggshells, as if the slightest wrong movement could send Castiel crumbling to pieces. "Thanks," Dean felt uncomfortable and unsure of what to do or say. He wanted to gather Castiel up in his arms and lay down on the bed with him and just hold him until it all went away, but he couldn't do that. Dean never had been good with words, his area of expertise was more physical. He was good at comforting people with his hands and arms, but he had no idea how to do it with words.

Castiel watched Dean eat. The way his jaw moved as he chewed, the bone looking more defined as he clenched his teeth together as he bit. A small amount of mayonnaise dribbled down Dean's chin, escaping his soft lips and staining the stubbled skin beneath his mouth. Castiel watched it for a moment before hesitantly reaching out his thumb to wipe it away. It was something mundane and normal and it scared the hell out of him. He wasn't sure if this was okay anymore. Wasn't sure whether Dean would want to touch him after what Lucifer had done to him. His thumb pressed lightly to the other's chin, wiping away the sauce but keeping his thumb there longer than necessary. his eyes darting cautiously over Dean's face before landing on his lips. He swallowed thickly, leaning a little to kiss the other before realizing his place and dipping his head to turn away. He should have asked. He had no idea how to act anymore. He just wanted things to be the way they were.

Dean blushed mildly in embarrassment when Cas wiped the drooled out mayonnaise away, but when he caught Castiel's eyes he froze. Swallowing quickly, he held perfectly still as Castiel's finger lingered on his face and Cas studied him, and then he was leaning up for a timid, uncertain kiss. Dean made no move to kiss back, but he didn't pull away either. When Cas pulled back and turned away, Dean felt bad and deflated a little, carefully reaching out and placing two fingers on Castiel's chin. "Cas, it's okay," he murmured, very gently pulling against Castiel's jaw so their eyes met. He stroked his thumb lightly over Castiel's bruised cheekbone and then let his hand drop to the bed between them.

Castiel gave a soft sigh, leaning in shyly to Dean's touch. It was okay. Of course it was. Castiel was just being silly. Over thinking things and being an idiot, as always with these things. He swallowed thickly again and bit his chapped lower lip. He nodded a little. Twisting his body to place the burger on the side table, half eaten and no longer wanted. He turned back to Dean and pressed a hesitant hand over Dean's chest, feeling his heart beating. It was steady and strong and beating for him. He leaned back in closer, lips brushing over Dean's but he still couldn't manage to push that inch closer to kiss him. "I'm sorry," he whispered, moving away again and staring absently down at his hands, which now sat in his lap, ashamed and embarrassed that he couldn't even show Dean just a little bit of affection.

Dean slowly leaned in after Castiel backed away and gently kissed him on the lips, a chaste soft kiss that Castiel could easily end if he wanted, and then he backed away after a few seconds. "Don't apologize," he murmured, playing with Castiel's fingers absently. It was obvious that Castiel didn't know who to trust anymore, and it would take work to rebuild what they'd had. "We'll take things at the pace you're comfortable with." Desperate to make Castiel feel safe and loved, he cleared his throat awkwardly and then looked into Castiel's eyes pleadingly. "Will you let me hold you?" He asked timidly, knowing the question was ridiculous, but he just wanted to wrap his arms around Castiel and sing him to sleep.

Castiel gasped a little at the kiss, his eyes fluttering closed as he drowned in the familiarity. His Dean. He nodded shyly at the request. He couldn't help but think of the first time Dean had held him at the cabin and just how safe he'd felt. He shuffled a little closer and lied down on the bed next to Dean, wrapping and arm uncertainly around the other's waist. His head tucked under Dean's as he tried to relax under the other's touch. Trying to remember how to act around the man he loved so much. Who'd given him everything and had received nothing but trouble in return.

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas as he moved in close to his side, and he shifted them on the bed until Dean was laying on his back with Cas pulled halfway on top of him, over his chest with his head tucked securely under Dean's chin. He put one hand on Castiel's back and traced lazy, gentle circles over his shoulderblades and down his spine, trying to soothe the tension he could feel there. Dean felt a little better about them now. It wasn't much, but it was a step towards being normal again. Dean placed his lips gently against Castiel's scarred, cut up head and began singing Hey Jude very softly.

Castiel curled up against Dean. His legs slotted neatly against Dean's side as the rest of his rested carefully over Dean's chest. He felt like crying when Dean began to sing Hey Jude. It was a very dear song to his fiancé and it meant a lot to Castiel that Dean had pushed his troubles aside to accommodate for him. He closed his eyes and gripped lightly at Dean's t-shirt. Collecting some of the fabric and holding it securely in his fisted hand. More of a comfort blanket than anything. Just a reminder to tell him Dean was still here and watching over him as he fell back to sleep.

Dean continued softly stroking Castiel's back and shoulders and singing the song until his voice faded out and he knew Castiel had fallen asleep. "I'll watch over you," he whispered, pressing another kiss to Castiel's head and looking down at him, one arm curled protectively around him as Castiel's hand fisted in his shirt. Sam had found some paper towels relatively quickly, but upon entering the room, he saw Dean and Castiel together on the bed and he retreated unnoticed, not wanting to interrupt the relative serenity and comfort that had settled over the pair.

Castiel awoke to what he assumed was the next day. Dean was still there of course and he couldn't help but smile. "Bonjour, monsieur," Castiel murmured in a soft whisper, watching his Dean sleep. He managed to wriggle out of Dean's hold just enough to sit up and swing his legs over the side of the bed. He hadn't gotten out of bed yet since coming here but he really needed some air. After a few minutes of detangling his drips he managed to make himself portable, holding onto the drip bar as he shuffled down the corridor and towards the exit. He was almost out of breath by the time he got there but it was worth it. The fresh air cut crisp against the back of his throat and soothed his overheating skin.

Dean woke up feeling cold and restless, and he hadn't even realized he'd fallen asleep. He started when he realized Castiel was gone, but upon closer examination he could see that Cas hadn't just ripped out his drips and run away, and he breathed a sigh of relief. Cas had probably just gotten up to stretch his legs or something. Dean was a little worried but he trusted Cas enough to go out on his own. Nonetheless, Dean got off the bed and went into the bathroom to freshen himself up, wash his face and rinse out his mouth. He hadn't showered in two days and he felt dirty, but he had bigger concerns. He headed out into the hallway and into the cafe to buy a freshly toasted bagel and tea to surprise Cas, and then he asked around at the checkout desk and several nurses asking if they'd seen Cas go by, and he followed their directions until he headed outside and found Cas. "Hey," he greeted with a smile, "You look a lot better. Got you something." He held up the bag containing the bagel and the paper cup of tea.

Castiel stayed out there for a long time. Inside felt clammy and dirty after being in the same place for so long. He needed the air, some space away from everything. He was still kinda sore. If he walked a certain way or stood in one place for too long. But the drugs were helping him ease his way back into it. At least that was a bonus. He turned his head slightly to greet the other with a fond smile. "Merci, mon amour," Castiel said softly, gripping tightly to his drip bar with one hand as he reached out for the bag with the other. He pulled out the toasted bagel and took a small bite. The cream cheese oozing out the sides and onto the corners of his mouth but he didn't care. He hadn't realized just how hungry he was until now. He moaned a little, taking another small bite and offering his food to Dean.

Dean grinned at Castiel's enthusiasm and shook his head. "You eat it," he insisted, "I'll get something in a little bit, you look hungry. was amazed at the improvement in Castiel's mood, he seemed so much better than he was last night. He still looked drained and exhausted, but there was a little more color in his cheeks now, much to Dean's relief. "So, you'll probably be getting out of here in a few days at the most," Dean said with a shrug. "Did you sleep well last night?"

Castiel gave a small look of indifference, taking the bagel back and taking another small bite. By the time Dean spoke again he'd managed to eat almost half of it and was surprised to find himself still pretty hungry. "Thanks to you, mon chere," Castiel smiled, still so grateful Dean had sung to him. Sung the one song on this planet that meant more than anything to him. He ate another quarter of the bagel before popping the last piece into his mouth and taking out the tea which had now cooler enough for him to drink. He took a small sip and grimaced at the warm liquid, not expecting it to feel so sharp as it slid down his throat. "Are you going to school today?" he asked, taking in the state of Dean. He should really go home and rest. He was beginning to look as bad as Castiel did.

Dean smiled and stuck his hands in his pockets. He shrugged as he watched Castiel eat the rest of the bagel and take a sip of his tea. "I don't know," he said uncertainly, "Do you think you'll be okay here alone? I really don't mind staying here with you. I just don't... you know. Unless you want some time alone to just rest and sleep off the medication." Dean felt exhausted and tense, but seeing Cas looking a little better lifted his spirits somewhat.

"Dean," he said slowly, giving the other a look that said 'don't do this'. "Look at yourself. Vous êtes un gâchis." He took Dean's hand and curled it around the tea so the other was holding it. "Go shower, get some education. Just...do something. Please?" he ordered gently. There was nothing Dean could do just sitting here, playing the waiting game. He might as well do something productive whilst Castiel cleared his head from the meds.

Dean stared at Cas reluctantly for a long moment and held the tea uncertainly. Finally, he sighed and gave in with a tired smile. "vous avez besoin de prendre du repos, aussi." He replied, smiling tenderly and leaning forward to kiss Castiel's cheek. "I think you should get back inside soon, before you get too tired and pass out or anything." Dean stroked Castiel's jaw lovingly and wished he could simply erase all the pain with with simple caresses and kisses, but that was impossible.

Castiel smiled a little, his skin tingling at the sound of Dean's French. He knew it wasn't true, but to him, it felt like they were the only two people in the world who understood what they were saying. Their own secret language which brought them closer together. The summer of bickering and hard studies had certainly paid of to give Castiel the comfort he needed. "I will," he nodded, tensing a little when Dean kissed and touched him. He soon relaxed into it, remembering he was safe with Dean but it would still take a while until he could get used to his touch again. "Conduire en toute sécurité," he said absently, giving Dean a small smile before shuffling back into the hospital and back to his room.

Dean nodded and smiled softly, feeling a little more reassured that Cas would be okay. He waited until Cas had reentered the building before he headed out to the parking lot and catching a bus to head back home. Sam had driven his car home, and when Dean arrived at his house he headed straight upstairs for a much needed shower and a nap. He fell asleep out of pure exhaustion as the stress from the last few days took its toll on him and finally just hit him.

Castiel didn't go back to his room straight away. Something caught his eye and he couldn't help but draw towards it. A woman in the room opposite his, couldn't have been older than 30. Her blonde hair lacking any volume or life, drooped around her pale, frail face. Eyes almost empty and acceptant of her fait. A silver foiled bag hung by her bedside and attached into her arm. Chemo no doubt. But that wasn't what caught Castiel's attention. No. It was the emptiness of the room. No family. No photos. Not even a bunch of garage bought flowers from a passing relative that didn't care enough to stay but cared enough to be influenced by guilt. There was nothing. And that made Castiel sad. Despite everything that had happened to him he had Dean. She had no one and Castiel couldn't let that happen.

Passing through the door silently, he stood at the bottom of her bed. He didn't say anything. Wasn't sure what he could say. He thought...maybe just being there would be enough. He clearly hadn't thought this though. He was about to leave again before a small voice called out to him. "Water." Castiel frowned, looking behind him but no one was there. Just him. He wondered whether he should get someone but thought better of it. Taking a step closer and pouring the young woman a paper cup of water and handing it to her carefully.

A soft sigh of relief passed her lips as the water soothed her sore throat. Her eyes flickered up to Castiel's, dim green eyes that look somewhat familiar. "Thank you, Cas," she said, her lips twitching into an innocent smile. Castiel frowned, looking around and down at himself for something that had his name on it but came up short. "H-How do y-" he began to question before the woman cut him off again. "You look after my boy now, you hear?" she ordered, voice gaining a little strength.

Castiel was loosing it. Must be. How else would you explain this. He'd never even met- Wait. "M-Mary?" he asked, head spinning. She just smiled, head twitching, her image blurring with one of Dean's. "If you like," she shrugged. "Well, technically I'm you. This is a dream, you see." Castiel really needed to ask the nurses to tone down his meds. He couldn't deal with this right now. Why now? Why not Jimmy? Jimmy was his muse. Why was she here? "You're going into cardiac arrest," she explained as if bored of having to read his thoughts. "Your brother would only convince you to come towards the light. I'm here to stop you."

* * *

**If you're still with us, bless you. We're not really sure how to explain this chapter. It just kinda happened. Keep up with the comments, they are without a doubt, the best part of my day. If anyones interested in drawing fan art that's always welcome too :) xxx**


	41. Chapter 41

The rest of Dean's day was spent sleeping off the anxiety that had been building up and giving him a bad headache, and he awoke late at night and went downstairs in search of something to drink and eat. Sam was asleep on the couch and Dean smiled at him softly and pulled a blanket up over him, but it woke Sam up and he rubbed his eyes sleepily and blinked in confusion at Dean. "Hey, dude," Dean said softly, ruffling his brother's hair. "I think everything's gonna be okay."

Initially, Castiel was drawn back. Ignoring the second part of her statement for a moment and backtracking her words. "Sorry..I'm having a heart attack?" he asked even though he knew the answer. He just needed to get this straight. She nodded patiently, "Afraid so, sugar." Castiel breathed shakily through his nose and ran a hand through his hair. "A-Are you sure?" he asked. He'd had to be resuscitated before. He knew what that was like. He'd been fine. Walking about. He didn't even remember getting back to his room. It had to be something else. Surely.

Mary shrugged softly, "I'm you, remember? I know what you know. I'm just guessing." Castiel snapped, screaming his lungs out. "Well don't!" He breathed heavily after, his chest heaving. "I am sick and tired of this. Just tell me how to get out." Mary sighed, playing with her dull blonde locks. "You have to go through the door. Find Dean, he'll keep you safe." Castiel wanted to ask her more. What she was talking about but he'd already found himself in a different room. Mary gone and replaced with a small room containing eight doors. Two on each wall. All the same size, colour and material. Fuck. "Just go through the door. Find Dean," he repeated, taking deep breaths as he looked at each door before finally picking one and going through it.

He found himself outside, he squinted at the brightness of the sun beating down on him. The grass tickled under his bare feet. He looked around and found Dean sitting in the grass by the cabin. Dean's hair was still short and his scar was visible. Obviously from after the car accident. This must have been just before they headed out to Paris. The doors led to memories, he soon realized as he approached Dean slowly, swallowing thickly. He crossed his legs and sat in front of Dean with a blank expression. Not sure what he was supposed to do or say. Was he supposed to play along? Tell Dean what was happening? He'd found the door. Now what?

Sam nodded sadly, a small thoughtful frown on his face. "Cas has another older brother, right?" He asked, and Dean nodded in response, sitting on the couch beside his brother and briefly forgetting his need for food and water. "Yeah, that's Michael. He's the only one who's not abusive and psychopathic, he's pretty nice. I met him once at Jimmy's funeral." Sam sighed. "I don't think he knows about this yet."

"What are you thinking about, baby?" Dean asked softly. The words so soft and loving it almost shocked Castiel. He sounded exactly the same as he had back then. His voice less stressed and tired. Still bright and naive to the future ahead. He tried to pull up the memory of how the conversation went. Unsure what else he was supposed to say. "The summer," he answered, voice tattered and raw sounding but to Dean's expression he must have heard the dreamy, less broken boy he once was.

He pressed his lips to Dean's scar, remembering how he'd make him feel less self-concious and more loved. "My mom is going on a work trip abroad on behalf of Crowley whilst he fixes up our house," Castiel continued, remembering how excited he'd been about the trip to Paris. Though his voice didn't show this. He sounded weighed down and sad. Knowing what was still to come. "And I want you to come with us."

The next bit was a mixture of gentle touches and conversation that didn't matter too much. Castiel didn't partake as Dean hugged him and snuggled by his side. Past Dean seemed to think he was hugging back anyway, so why bother. He couldn't do this again. It hurt too much. He pressed his forehead to Dean's, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm so proud of you love," he whispered, reciting what he'd once said to the love of his life. "Everything we've been through. What you've been through." Castiel stopped. He couldn't say anymore. Tears sliding easily down his cheeks. His voice was breaking and he shook against Dean's lips as he kissed him softly. The other didn't seem to notice. This was a memory after all. It couldn't be changed. Castiel wasn't sure he wanted to either. He couldn't watch as Dean broke again under the weight of his burdens it hurt too much. He preferred this Dean the one that still had energy and love left to give without question. "This is going to be an awesome trip, just you wait and see," he vowed, never knowing until now just how much those words would come back to haunt him. That after that trip. Nothing would ever be the same again.

Apparently Dean had asked him a question and was kissing his knuckles, looking at him brightly but Castiel could feel the memory disappearing as the Cabin shone brighter than the rest of the scene. He gave it a curious look before realizing the light that seeped from beneath the door. This was it. His cue. He stood up and walked towards the door, hand hesitating over the knob before opening the door to reveal a blast of bright light. Follow the doors, he told himself. Find Dean. His Dean.

Dean and Sam stayed up on the couch for a while, talking quietly and not looking at one another in the dark room. After a while, Dean stood up and said goodnight to Sam. He went into the kitchen and searched for some food. Something felt off, and it was causing an uncomfortable itch under his skin, but he couldn't determine what was bothering him. There was an irritating little tingle in his spine that made him nervous, but he told himself he was just being paranoid and ridiculous and he needed to calm down. He blamed it on the stress.

Opening the door he was a little disappointed to just find the inside of the cabin. Although, the place was dark. He turned around to find outside was dark too. He blinked, stepping silently into the room to hear faint panting sounds, echo throughout the cabin. He could make out two figures on the bed and his blood ran cold. He knew exactly where he was and wished there was some way of getting out of it.

"Cas, I don't think we should," Dean voice cracked through the silent breaths and soft touches of kisses. "I don't think we should do this, it doesn't feel right." It's not, Castiel thought. None of this was. He knew what he'd done to Dean and now he had to pay the price and watch. He'd tried closing the door and opening it but nothing happened. The scene remained. There was no getting out of it.

"Cas," Dean continued to protest and Castiel couldn't help but stare at his past self grind again Dean. Desperate for his touch. Desperate for some kind of emotion to course through his numb self. To feel. To forget. "No. Not right now," Dean continued to say but his past self wasn't listening. There was something about the look on his face that made Castiel feel sick.

That's when it happened, his past self looking lost and helplessly into Dean's eyes and saying four words Dean would always cave in for. "Please, I need you." He was pathetic. Using the one person he loved more than anything like that. He'd abused his rights. He'd scarred Dean for life. These were the things Castiel did to Dean and Dean was too kind to make a stand. Too lovestruck to even care. Dean had said no and Castiel had ignored him. Taking his own selfish needs and ignored his partner. This was a nightmare, and he was the monster.

The feeling only worsened, and Dean tried to ignore it. The house was dark and quiet, and it was almost midnight, but Dean felt restless and anxious. Needing to calm down, he pulled a beer out of the fridge and started sipping at it. He wasn't looking to get drunk, he just wanted to relax but still be alert just in case something happened. He didn't know why he felt so anxious suddenly, but his palms began to sweat and his breathing increased a little. Annoyed, he drank the rest of his beer quickly and then held the cold glass bottle to his head and took several deep breaths, closing his eyes and trying to clear his mind.

Once Dean had left the room and taken to hiding in the bathroom, Castiel decided to follow him. Knowing where his past self was going he felt no need to follow him. Instead of finding Dean crumpled up on the floor, he found himself. In his own bathroom back home, his head covered in blood. There were too many times to count when this had happened. It was hard to tell which time this was. If it wasn't for Gabriel's voice shouting somewhere behind him, would he have been lost as to where he was. Only a month or so into knowing Dean and his brother had tried to kill him. Fantastic. Great first impression that was. He waited for his mother to come in and scoop him up and come to his rescue but no one came. Gabriel just kept hitting him and hitting him to the point he was almost unconscious.

He had to step in. He couldn't watch anymore. He tugged Gabriel back and threw his fisted hand at Gabriel's face. He looked down at his bruised body and sighed sympathetically. "Come on, sweetie. I'll keep you safe," he parroted, his voice soft and feminine, much like his mother's. He scooped himself up in his arms and carried him through to his room, retracing the steps of his mother's. Once reaching the door. The body in his arms changed. Still himself, but one that couldn't have been more than a week younger than him. Oh no.

His reflection snarled back at him, through the mirror on the wall. This wasn't happening. Lucifer was staring right back at him. This wasn't happening. He told himself over and over. Despite how hard he tried he had no control over the body he was in. He was made to watch as he tied up Castiel on the bed and began to do the whole night over again. Every touch, every drop of blood, every scream. He could see inside Lucifer's mind, the way he thought, the way he enjoyed cutting into his little brother. Castiel wanted to be sick. He had to watch as he defiled himself. Playing the role of his elder brother, watching as Castiel screamed out in pain. The sick thing was, being in Lucifer's head made him like it. Made him think this was okay.

Castiel wasn't sure what happened next. Sam had come in and smacked him with a baseball bat and he awoke in tears in his bed in the hospital. He looked around the room, trembling and whimpering in fear. His drip had been removed and his mind was still clearing from the effects. It was a matter of seconds before he hunched over the bed and threw up, almost falling out the bed as he did so. His body still in shock from what had happened. Nightmares brought on from the drugs. Castiel was beginning to wish he had had a heart attack.

Eventually, it got to be too much and Dean slammed his beer bottle down on the table in frustration and stormed out of the house, hoping the cold night air would help him calm down. He ran aimlessly down the street with no destination in mind, and after about an hour he found himself doubled over and panting hard on the front porch of the cabin in the woods. He caught his breath and wiped the sweat from his eyes as he tried to regulate his breathing, and he looked up at the shabby house thoughtfully. He didn't know why he'd come here, because he didn't like thinking about the last time he'd come here with Cas. But maybe it was some kind of sign, and Dean was suddenly hit with inspiration. His past idea of fixing up the place and presenting it to Cas, a place away from everyone to call their own, came back and hit him in the face like a ton of bricks. Although this house held bad memories and demons, it was also the place where they'd first danced together and shared their first kiss. They'd had lots of good times here, and if Dean could clean it up and make it look better and turn it into a functional home, it would mean so much to both of them. It would show that things could be salvaged and time would take care of everything.

Castiel made a soft grunting noise as he spewed up what was left in his stomach. He wiped his mouth and laid back against the pillows, too tired to clean up his mess just yet. He was a mess. He couldn't stop shaking. He needed the drugs, or better yet, he needed Dean. But after seeing what he'd done to him he couldn't. He couldn't allow himself to ask for help from him again. It was too much to ask. He just sat there, a sobbing mess and waited until morning came so he could get out of bed and try again.

Dean groaned and leaned against the house, wondering why the hell he'd decided to run 6 fucking miles out into the middle of nowhere, because now he had no way to get home. He went inside the cabin and collapsed on the couch, not wanting to sleep alone in the bed, and he fell asleep quickly, dreaming of ideas for what he could do to the cabin. His body was already sore and he knew Sam was probably going to be really worried if he found out Dean had just left, because he didn't have his cell phone and there was no way to reach him because the cabin didn't have a phone, but Dean was too tired and stressed out to care.

Castiel awoke in the morning to a nurse by his side, writing something on his chart. His mom was by his side and sat in the chair. "The doctor said you can come home, honey," Kathy murmured. Castiel nodded a little, still tired from the ridiculously vivid dream he'd had. About an hour later, Castiel was home and curled up on the couch. His mom had gone upstairs to make up the spare bedroom after Castiel refused to even step foot in his room. He just stared absently at the walls, wondering what his next move was.

Dean woke up the next morning incredibly sore and stiff, and he groaned and rolled off the couch to start the long, miserable walk home. His feet were covered in blisters from his heavy boots that he'd run in, and his knees were killing him, but he walked/jogged home so it wouldn't take him forever to get back. Eventually he made it back to his own house, his head full of ideas of what to do with the cabin, and he took a long, hot shower to relieve his aching joints and muscles.

Once his mom was back downstairs, Castiel looked up at her with a soft expression. "Would you mind getting us some more food. We're running a little low," he said, sounding too bland but he didn't care. He needed some time alone. "Of course, sweetie. I'll pick up some of that candy you like too," she said, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. "Thanks," he said quietly, trying not to flinch at her touch. Once he heard the door snap shut he flopped back down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling with a soft sigh. He wanted to call Dean but he couldn't. Not yet. It'd been a day since they last saw each other. He was becoming too clingy. He couldn't keep doing this to Dean.

This was Dean's third day missing school, but he didn't really see a point in going. He wanted to be there for Cas and not abandon him to go back to school. Once he was clean and dry, he took out his cell phone and called Cas to see if he was feeling any better and find out if he was allowed to go home yet. After last night, Dean felt a lot better but there was still a small twinge of wrongness in his chest that he couldn't quite identify.

Castiel could hear his phone and groaned, sitting up on the couch and following the sound. He went upstairs as the device continued to ring and swallowed thickly as he could hear it coming from his room. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, pushing open the door but was surprised to find it clean. He'd have to thank his mom for that. He tried to ignore the flashbacks as he searched for his phone. Finding the device under the bed, along with his pick, covered in blood.

Dean sat down on the couch as he waited for Castiel to answer the phone. "Hey," he said, "Calling to check up on you. How's everything?" He asked, absently playing with Castiel's ring on his finger. It was smudged and a little dull, so he pulled it off and breathed on it to fog it up, and then he carefully cleaned it off with the hem of his shirt and slid it back on. There was a light tan line where it had been, something he'd never noticed before because he hadn't taken the ring off before.

Castiel swallowed thickly, answering the phone. Still staring wide-eyed at his guitar pick. "I'm at home," he said, voice almost monotone as he tried to keep it together. "I need you to come over. Now." He hung up the phone, not even caring what Dean was doing. He took back what he said earlier. He needed Dean. More than he cared to mention. He couldn't help it. He was the only one that would know what to do.

Dean sat up straight and frowned at the floor. "Cas, what? Wait.." but he was cut off by the click of the line disconnecting. "Shit," Dean muttered, heart pounding as he thew on his leather jacket and boots and grabbed his car keys. He ran out of the house and raced to Castiel's house, not even bothering to knock when he got there. He let himself in and ran up the stairs when he couldn't find Cas downstairs. "Cas?!" He called breathlessly, and he stopped in the doorway of Castiel's bedroom. He was sitting on his heels on the floor, back to the door and staring down at something in his hand.

"J'ai trouvé mon pick de guitare," Castiel murmured as a soft whisper, hearing Dean standing in the door way. It couldn't have been his mom. She'd just left. He looked up at Dean, the necklace still held delicately in his hands. "Il était sous le lit." He could feel tears begin to form, the water droplets splashing down and mixing with the residing blood left on the plastic pick.

Dean bit his lip sadly at the expression on Castiel's face, and he slowly walked over and sat down by him on the floor, mirroring Castiel's position as he gently took his hands in his own, the string of the necklace tangled between their fingers. "Don't cry," he whispered, lifting one hand to gently wipe away his tears and then leaning forward so their foreheads touched. "Baby, it's okay. I'll get it cleaned up for you."

Castiel let Dean touch him, he only flinched once which he took as a good thing before easing into Dean's half embrace. He sniffed a little, still looking down at the pick. "Merci," he murmured sadly, allowing Dean to take his necklace and wash away the blood. He curled up on himself, looking around the room worryingly, trying to work out how to overcome the terrors that lay here.

Dean watched sadly as Castiel retreated into himself and curled up, eyes wide and scared as his frightened gaze darted around the room. It had been cleaned up after the crime, and Dean could see no traces of blood anywhere. Mrs. Novak had done an amazing job of cleaning it up, but Dean couldn't imagine how horrible that must have been for her to do. Dean carefully reached out and took Castiel's hand once more, holding it gently between both of his. Castiel's skin felt slightly cold, and Dean rubbed his fingers lightly to warm them up. "You cold?" He murmured.

Castiel nodded, squeezing Dean's hand a little and shuffling closer to share his body heat. "Not with you around," he answered, nuzzling at Dean's neck to tuck his head under Dean's chin. He made himself as small as possible as he tried to keep warm and not shake as much.

Dean's arms automatically went around Castiel's back and he held him close, tipping his head up a little as Castiel nuzzled his neck. Dean had missed this, the comfortable way they could just hold each other and make believe that everything was all right. Dean sighed and kissed the top of Castiel's head, looking down at the unevenly cropped hair and scarred scalp. He gently ran his fingers over it, just like Cas had done for him after the car accident.

Castiel sighed, "Je t'aime, Dean." He shuffled until he was comfortable, sitting next to Dean with his arms around the other. "With all of my heart. You...you mean the world to me." He didn't want to tell Dean of his dreams just yet but they'd get there. For now, he was just happy to be in Dean's arm. Feeling warm and safe.

Dean hummed softly. "And you're my world." He replied, squeezing Castiel's arms briefly before backing away just enough to meet his eyes. "Is there anything I can do for you?" He asked gently, studying Castiel's face. Cas looked lost and tired, but not as horribly unhappy as he had been, but there was still a lot of work to do. Dean looked at Cas and saw the boy he'd teased at the lockers all those months ago, insecure and uncomfortable in his own skin, and he wondered what it would take to bring back the Castiel he'd fallen in love with.

Castiel looked around briefly, feeling nothing but regret and shame here. He turned back to meet Dean's eyes and let out a soft, shaky breath. His fingers tips digging slightly into the other's arm as he held on to him like a lifeline. "Juste, me ramener chez moi," he whispered. He wanted to go to the cabin where he'd be safe. Where he'd felt more at home than he ever had here. Their was still bad memories there. After everything he'd done to Dean but they could work through that. He wasn't sure the same could be said for here.

Dean placed his hand over Castiel's and then just gathered him up in a warm embrace, stroking the back of his neck softly. He didn't know how to help him. Cas needed a place away from all of this, and the cabin was somewhere special to them. "Bientôt," he promised quietly, trying to think of ways to get the money to refurbish the cabin. "Je vais rester avec vous." Dean looked around the room again and suppressed a shudder when his gaze fell upon the desk Lucifer had bent Cas over and raped him.

Castiel shook his head. Silent tears running down his face. "Pas de sitôt. Maintenant. s'il vous plaît," he begged, sniffing a little as he tried to stop the tears. "Je...I need to get away." He held his breath as he tried to calm down, his grip tightening on Dean. "Please," he whispered, looking at Dean sadly, his watery eyes lost and saddened. "I need you to do this for me, please."

Dean swallowed thickly and wiped Castiel's tears away gently with the pad of his thumb, cupping his face softly in steady hands. "Okay," he murmured, "We'll go right now, we'll get out of here." Dean stood up and then carefully pulled Cas to his feet so they were face to face, their hands entangled between them. "Let's go." Dean pulled Cas out of the room which held the horrible memory of the scene from a few days ago, and they were on the road headed towards the cabin in less than a minute.

Castiel took deep breaths, ensuring himself everything would be okay now. They were in Dean's car and going far away from his home. He'd managed to just remember his mom and send her a text so she wouldn't worry. He should have felt bad but he knew she'd understand. He played with his own hands as Dean drove, keeping himself to himself as he tried to keep calm. Everything was okay. He was with Dean now. He gave a harsh exhale, running a hand through what was left of his hair.

When they got to the cabin, Dean got out and unlocked the door, wishing the cabin was more impressive and better for living in, because right now it just had the bare necesities and it wasn't very comfortable. He held the door for Cas and waited until he was inside before closing it against the chilly air, and he headed straight for the fireplace to start the flames and make it warmer in the house so it at least felt cozy. Dean had so many ideas for this place, but he just didn't have the money to afford it.

Castiel was ushered quickly inside, the crisp air cutting off as soon as the door clicked shut. He looked around and relaxed visibly. He headed straight to the bed, snatching up the blankets before heading to the couch next to the fireplace and curling up, making himself at home. "J'ai vu Marie hier soir," he whispered to Dean's back, wanting to get it off his back. Dean should know something like that, right? "Dans mes rêves."

Dean froze at that and sat back on his heels in front of the fireplace, staring into the flames stiffly. Turning slowly, he met Castiel's eyes, heart pounding and throat tight. "What?" He breathed, "How could you have dreamed about my mom, you've never even met her!" Dean couldn't believe it. What could possibly have happened to make Castiel dream about Mary?

"Long blonde locks, green eyes that'd put yours to shame?" Castiel said, giving Dean a look as if he needed to confirm who it was he'd dreamt of. His eyes flickered down at the ground, looking at Dean's hands instead of his face. "She was in the hospital. Hooked up to a chemo bag," he whispered. "She...she was all alone. I went to check on her." He cleared his throat, still looking away. "She told me to find you. That you'd keep me safe."

Dean's eyes widened and filled with tears, and he was unable to breathe. All these years, he'd forced himself not to think about his mother's illness. He only wanted to remember her healthy and happy as his mother, not sick and dying in a lonely hospital room. But now that Castiel had put that image in his head, he could see it clearly, and it was a shock to him. His gaze dropped to his hands and he shook his head slowly, tears sliding from his eyes.

Castiel bit his lip, shuffling from the couch to the floor, still embedded in blankets and curled his arms around Dean slowly. Incasing them both in the bundle of softness, hoping to protect them from the badness outside. He pressed a hesitant kiss to Dean's cheek, still nervous and anxious about doing so. "It's okay, Dean. It wasn't real," he whispered, holding the other in his arms. "She wasn't real. I didn't even know her."

Dean leaned his forehead against Castiel's shoulder and let Cas hold him. "How?" He whispered brokenly, "What happened, why'd she tell you to find me?" Dean wasn't a huge believer of the superstitious, but if it involved his mother he could imagine things that weren't possible. He tried to breathe and shut his eyes tight, burying his face into Castiel's shoulder as more tears escaped his eyes. He felt bad and tried to calm down and compose himself, because Castiel needed Dean to be strong and supportive of him right now, not the other way around.

Castiel just rubbed Dean's back, biting his lip nervously. "I don't know. She just said I'd be safe with you," he said softly. He hadn't had enough time to ask her much. He was still trying to work out why she was there or why he could see her before she'd abruptly disappeared. "I'm sorry," he said softly. He closed his eyes and just held Dean tightly, unsure what else he could say.

Dean took a deep breath and lifted his head up. He nodded determinedly, he would keep Castiel safe no matter what. "You will be safe with me, I promise." Dean said, staring into Castiel's eyes with a fierce protectiveness. If Mary had told Cas that, then he wouldn't let her down. "I won't let anyone hurt you ever again, Cas." Dean whispered, holding Castiel's face and staring deep into his eyes. "I love you."

Castiel blushed under Dean's intense gaze. He swallowed thickly, bringing a hand up to touch Dean's cheek gently with his fingertips. "I-I love you too, Dean," he whispered, shocked and overwhelmed by Dean's determination to keep him safe. And despite everything that had happened. He believed him too. He hesitated, looking at Dean's lips but kept his distance. His intentions were there. He just...he just couldn't. It felt like too bigger step. Now he didn't have the drugs to help him push through the barrier. He'd have to do it alone.

Dean smiled softly at Castiel and squeezed his hands, taking a deep breath and nodding. He was okay. They were okay. Cas would be all right with time, and Dean would be there for him every step of the way. It wouldn't be easy, but they'd get there. They needed each other and nothing could keep them apart. Dean noticed Castiel's gaze dart down to his lips and saw the conflict and uncertainty in his eyes, and Dean squeezed Castiel's hands encouragingly. "You can kiss me if you want," he whispered carefully, "If you're comfortable with it. We're taking this at your pace, alright Cas?"

Castiel nodded in understanding, swallowing thickly. "Okay," he whispered, pressing his fingertips to Dean's neck, curling a hand slowly around to rest at the back of his neck. He tried leaning in a little, ghosting his lips over Dean's. His eyes slotted closed but that didn't help. Only worsening the panic which drew inside him. He opened his eyes as he dragged his lips to press a soft kiss against Dean's cheek. He couldn't do it. He'd chickened out. Too afraid of what might happen. "Sorry," he mumbled, nuzzling at Dean's neck, hiding in embarrassment. He couldn't even kiss his fiancé. He'd definitely reached a new low.

Dean held still and watched quietly as Castiel leaned towards him with the slightest touch of lips, and then kissed his cheek instead.

"It's okay," Dean breathed, trailing his fingers in random patterns over Castiel's back. "It's okay. Take a few deep breaths and relax, you're okay. It's nothing to be ashamed of." Dean pressed a gentle kiss to Castiel's temple and just held him. It was like they were starting over again, and this time Dean was determined to make it perfect.

Castiel sighed, leaning against Dean and making sure the blankets covered them. He took a few breaths like Dean instructed and kept the other close. "I know. I'm just...sorry," he mumbled, blushing in embarrassment and biting his lip anxiously. He wasn't good at this. The whole new thing. He was comfortable with Dean and now everything just felt awkward and alien. Just like it had in the beginning. He didn't know what to do to make it better.

Dean kissed Castiel's forehead and then stood up. He pushed the couch closer to the fire and grabbed some pillows from the bed and tossed them onto the couch. "Wait here," he instructed, a small smile on his face. He went to the far side of the cabin and found Castiel's guitar, which had been put in the corner of the room for a while. He knew it would held distract Castiel and give him something pleasant to think about. He brought the guitar over and sat on the couch holding it and patted the couch beside him. "Teach me how to play?" He asked.

Castiel obeyed and watched as Dean walked smiled a little as Dean came back with his beloved guitar. It was nice to see something familiar in this place. Remind him of good times. He stood up and got onto the couch beside Dean and wrapped them both in the blankets. He wrapped an arm around Dean so he was holding the guitar with him as he went through the cords with Dean. It was nice to have a distraction. Something they both needed right now.

Dean focused his attention on the guitar as Castiel helped position his fingers in the right places to play the chords. It wasn't as hard as Dean thought it would be, but mostly he was just glad for the pleasant distraction. He tried his best to actually play the guitar. "I've actually wanted to learn this for a long time," he admitted, "Since I first saw you playing, I thought it would be really neat to be able to play as beautifully as you do."

Castiel blushed, smiling idiotically at Dean's endearment. His head dipped over Dean's shoulder, pressing a light kiss to his clothed shoulder before resting his chin there as he continued to help Dean play the cords before moving onto a simple melody. "Dean," he murmured almost breathlessly. "You're too kind to me." He stopped playing for a moment, just taking in Dean's features and smile proudly at the man who'd made him who he was today.

Dean hummed happily and turned his head slightly to the side to kiss Castiel's cheek. "I could never be too kind to you," Dean protested softly. They gazed at each other for a long moment. "How about you just play now?" He suggested, "I'll sing. Whatever song you want." They hadn't made music together in a while and Dean missed it, and he hoped the music would have a calming, pleasing effect on Castiel.

Castiel didn't even freak out when Dean kissed him. He felt a surge of warmth flow through him because of that. He took the guitar carefully from Dean and repositioned himself until he was comfortable. He looked down at the guitar and looked a little lost. He took a moment before determining what he was going to play. He played a soft acoustic version of their very first song. Uprising.

Dean smiled to himself as he recognized the chords and melody of Uprising, and he sang along to it. Because this version was slower and more melodious, Dean added his own personal touch to the song and made it unique, changing the melody at parts and switching things up a little bit. It had been a while since he'd heard Cas play the guitar, and he watched, transfixed, as Castiel's fingers darted over the strings.

Castiel had almost forgotten just how fun it was to play. To listen to Dean sing. He almost felt alive again. He kept his head down, still feeling shy and vulnerable under Dean's piercing gaze. He swallowed thickly, his fingers falling from the strings as he caught a glimpse of Dean about half way through the song, he looked up. Dean looked so loving and proud..of him. His Castiel. The thought made him blush. He dipped his head forward just enough to capture Dean's lips timidly, backing away after a few seconds and looking back down at his guitar, fiddling with the strings nervously.

Dean wasn't expecting the kiss, and it caught him off guard, his lips parting slightly as Castiel's lips touched his. It was oddly reminiscent of their first kiss, which had happened in this very room, and Dean shivered slightly at the haunting feeling that this had happened before. He watched the firelight dance over Castiel's still face, his downcast eyes darkened by shadows and his skin glowing dark gold in the flickering light from the flames. "Cas, are you alright?" He asked hesitantly after a moment.

Castiel nodded softly, a little nervously. "I don't know," he answered honestly. He kept his gaze on the guitar, biting his lip. He remembered the first time it felt to kiss Dean. How he'd asked like a gentleman, taken his time and made Dean feel special. "I...can I do it again?" he asked quietly, looking up at Dean innocently, biting his lip. He wanted to get better at this because he felt sorry for making Dean wait all the time. Making him go at his pathetic pace.

Dean smiled softly and nodded. "Of course you can," he murmured, "I don't want to push you. If you're comfortable and you want to kiss me again, go ahead. It's okay if you don't want to, if you're not ready." Dean took Castiel's hand gently between his own and tangled his fingers with Castiel's, looking down at their hands. He wanted Castiel to kiss him again, but he didn't want Castiel to feel pressured into anything. "You call the shots here, Cas. I'm okay with whatever you want to do."

Castiel gave a soft nod, looking down at their hands for a moment before repositioning himself to look over at Dean. The guitar still between them and working as a safety net for Castiel. Knowing there was something there to keep Dean away until he was comfortable enough to let him closer. He hovered his face close to Dean's, ghosting his lips of Dean's before angling his head away, kissing the corner of his mouth instead. He needed Dean to take the ropes. He wasn't sure he could do this anymore. It was pathetic.

Dean held still in anticipation and wondered if Castiel was going to kiss him for real this time, but he didn't and lightly kissed the corner of his mouth instead. Dean gently lifted a hand to Castiel's face and turned him so they were looking right at each other, and then Dean leaned in so their foreheads touched. "Cas, it's okay," he whispered, stroking his finger lightly along the hard line of Castiel's jaw. He nudged Castiel's nose with his own until their lips were barely an inch apart, and he could feel Castiel's breath against his skin. "Kiss me," he whispered, "It's going to be all right."

Castiel gasped, feeling his heart pound against his chest as Dean drew closer. He thought he was going to kiss him but didn't. He wasn't sure whether he was glad or sad but either way he was freaked. He tried to control his breathing. His hand lifting from the wood of the guitar up to rest against the back of Dean's neck. He nodded in understanding. Dean would keep him safe. He dipped his head a little and pressed a firm kiss against Dean's, desperate and full of nerves before moving away moments later wide-eyed and breathless. "I-I'm.." he cut himself of as he went to apologise. He needed to stop doing that. "Are you alright?" he whispered with concern.

Dean smiled against Castiel's lips when they finally kissed, the distance between them closed for a few moments by the joining of their lips. Dean wished things could be as easy and carefree as they were before, but now there was so much horror from the past that had worked its way in between them and was trying to push them apart. Dean was desperate not to let that happen, and this kiss was the first step of many. Dean opened his eyes a few seconds after Cas backed away, and looked at him. Castiel's eyes were wide and bright and his cheeks were flushed, and he was beautiful and haunting. "Yeah, I'm okay," he breathed, "Are you?"

Castiel gave a soft nod, a little eager to show Dean he was okay. "I feel all tingly," he gushed, suppressing a nervous giggle. He bit his lip and put the guitar carefully on the ground. Making sure the pack of cigarettes inside didn't show. He looked back up at Dean and cupped his cheek. "I-I love you," he whispered, pressing another small kiss to Dean's lips, trying to assure himself everything would be okay.

Dean grinned in amusement and bumped his nose playfully against Castiel's. "Good to know I still have that affect on you," he quipped, and then his smile softened as Castiel kissed him again, soft and slow and gentle. "I love you too," he murmured, opening his eyes slowly and studying Castiel's face. There was a shallow cut on Castiel's temple where Lucifer's blade had scraped the skin, and Dean frowned and lightly traced a finger along it. "It'll heal with time," he said quietly, and then lowered his hand. "You'll heal with time."

Castiel shied away under Dean's touch but he knew he meant well. He looked up and gave Dean a soft sigh. He was being so considerate and Castiel felt warm and tingly around him. Much like when he used to pass him in the hallway at school. Before he was pushed into a locker by one of Dean's ass friends but the point stood. Castiel inhaled softly, pressing another small kiss to Dean's lips. No pressure. No need. Just him and Dean. And all the time in the world.

Dean closed his eyes again as Castiel kissed him once more, still shy and tentative like they'd started out, but slowly getting back on the path to what they used to be. Maybe all they needed was a fresh start and a way to move on from the past and put every bad thing behind them. They were stronger when they were together, and it was obvious that they needed each other. Without Cas, Dean wouldn't be the same. Castiel had changed him and despite all their problems, Dean wouldn't give that up for the world.

Castiel gave a small sigh, curling his legs to sit up on the couch and tuck beneath him. He shuffled until he was comfortable, wrapping an arm loosely over Dean's stomach and stroking his belly soothingly. He watched Dean's reaction, his own face pressed lightly against Dean's shoulder. He hoped he didn't mind. He just thought Dean would be okay with it. Getting back into old habits. He felt safe with Dean. Knew if he pushed too much or wasn't comfortable they'd go back a step. That's what made him feel safe in this position. Being so close and intimate with Dean. "Thanks," he whispered quietly, giving Dean a smile with his eyes, not his lips.

Dean turned his head towards Castiel, but the way they were sitting he couldn't see the other's face very well. Castiel's face was tucked into his shoulder and Dean rested his temple against the side of Castiel's head and relaxed at the feeling of a warm hand rubbing over his stomach, something he hadn't felt in a long time and it made him feel warm and comfortable. He shifted slightly until he and Cas were looking into each other's eyes, and he placed his hand lightly over Castiel's wrist and stroked random patterns into the delicate skin there with his fingertips. "No problem," he murmured, an amused, affectionate smile on his face.

Castiel closed his eyes briefly, trying to get used to the sensations again. He couldn't stop smiling, or blushing, he felt like his skin was on fire. In a good way but even so. He recited in his mind the poem by William Ernest Henley he'd learnt in English.

_Out of the night that covers me,_

_Black as the Pit from pole to pole,_

_I thank whatever gods may be_

_For my unconquerable soul._

_In the fell clutch of circumstance_

_I have not winced nor cried aloud._

_Under the bludgeonings of chance_

_My head is bloody, but unbowed._

_Beyond this place of wrath and tears_

_Looms but the Horror of the shade,_

_And yet the menace of the years_

_Finds, and shall find, me unafraid._

_It matters not how strait the gate,_

_How charged with punishments the scroll._

"I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul," he said quietly under his breath. Saying the last two lines aloud. Determined to get better. He'd never really understood what the poem meant until now. He looked up at Dean and smiled a little, kissing him briefly with a soft kiss.

Dean watched Castiel, the two of them sitting in silence for a long moment. Cas looked deep in thought, emotions flicking across his pinked skin, and Dean smiled softly at him. He was content to just sit there and watch him, holding him close and feeling the warmth of the fire and Castiel's body against his. He recognized the words Castiel said, but he couldn't place where they were from. A poem they'd studied in school, maybe. The lines were powerful and beautiful, and as Castiel spoke them Dean closed his eyes and pictured a fallen angel rising up out of the fires of hell, beaten and bloody and wings torn and frayed, but more determined and brave and stronger than anything Dean had ever seen. The angel had Castiel's face.

Castiel gave a harsh inhale, allowing his body to take deep breaths before completely sagging on exhale. He was content to do this for a little while longer, becoming deeply relaxed with each breath. He gave Dean a look of determination and love. "You have beautiful eyelashes, Dean," he murmured peacefully. His voice thick and deep in the silent warm air of the cabin. He hadn't really noticed before. He hadn't felt so inclined to look at them before. Too distracted by the owner's pure green eyes. He pressed a fingertip to the corner of Dean's eyes, were the skin crinkled when he laughed. His finger trailing down to trace where his cheek curved inward when Dean smiled. Finally pressing against his lower lip, and tracing the small scar there from the car accident. It wasn't noticeable but Castiel knew it was there. "Beautiful skin. Beautiful lips," he continued to breathe quietly.

He smiled softly when he remembered how he and Dean used to recite Shakespeare, joking they were like something straight out of Romeo and Juliet. "If I could write the beauty of your eyes, and in fresh numbers all your graces. The age to come would say, This poet lies- Such heavenly touches ne'er touched earthly faces," he breathed, doing the most subtle English accent he could. Trying not to sound like an idiotic cockney but a sensual lover. Even though the thought made him want to squirm and run away. He just had to keep telling himself he was safe with Dean, here, at the cabin.

He could help but giggle nervously, dipping his head away from Dean for a moment, his hand still pressed lightly against the other's stomach. He bit his lip, blushing over at Dean. He wanted to apologize but knew Dean wouldn't have any of it. So he continued to make an idiot of himself in the hopes that Dean would laugh and they could try and bring some normality to their lives. "If only my lord would paint with such heavenly words," he began, using his proper English voice and leaning over Dean to rest his head in his lap. "My never regions would quiver most profoundly," he said, trying to keep a straight face but failed and laughed ferociously. He tried covering his giggles with his mouth. His face going read as he grinned brightly up at Dean.

Dean smiled softly as Castiel's finger traced over his face, and he blushed under the adoring praise, but he kept gazing right back into Castiel's eyes. When Cas began serenading him with romantic, poetic lines, he grinned wider and laughed quietly at Cas, blushing deeper. Castiel's voice sounded deep and clear and musical with the faintest hint of an accent, and it made Dean shiver pleasantly. At the last line, Dean burst out laughing and rested his hand over Castiel's chest, leaning down to bump their noses together as they laughed. When the giggles died down, Dean looked at Cas tenderly. "You're beautiful when you smile," he whispered, something similar he'd said when they'd first fallen in love, back when Cas was still a shy, nervous loner who hardly ever smiled. And now Dean was seeing it again, genuine and pure, his face positively glowing with love and joy.

Castiel gave a soft sigh, grateful for Dean's praise. "Thanks," he blushed, whispering quietly. He continued to look up at Dean and give him a genuine smile. His hand reaching up to cup the other's cheek. "I meant what I said, you know," he said softly, batting his eye lashes innocently at Dean. He wasn't sure what to do but he knew he didn't want to move anytime soon.

"I know," Dean murmured with a soft smile, looking down at Cas and tracing a finger gently along Castiel's cheekbone. "I meant it too." Dean slowly leaned down, wondering if Cas would let Dean kiss him, and very gently brushed his lips over Castiel's before backing away. If Cas wanted to kiss him again, he would be the one to initiate it when he was comfortable. "You really are beautiful," Dean murmured, watching Castiel's eyes.

Castiel blushed and bit his lip, looking up at Dean when he kissed him carefully. It felt nice to have Dean initiate something for a change. Not feeling like everything was up to him. He leaned up so he was on his elbows, still spread across Dean's lap on the couch. He pressed a timid kiss to Dean's lips again. Gushing a little at the heat that pooled in his cheeks.

They stayed like that for several minutes, exchanging light little kisses and touches, every one feeling like it was their first. Like they were starting from scratch, and Dean wanted to make it good for Cas. He wanted Cas to enjoy this and to feel comfortable with everything they did. Dean broke away from Castiel's mouth for a moment to nudge his nose lightly against Castiel's chin until his head tipped back a little, exposing his throat, and Dean pressed his lips there lightly, slow and soft.

Castiel loved doing this with Dean. With everything that had been going on they hadn't really had time for this. Just being there. Being teenagers. Having fun. He chuckled a little as Dean tilted his head back carefully. He was like the dog from Lady and the tramp. He let Dean kiss him there, feeling a little vulnerable and exposed but knew nothing would happen to him. He ran a hand into Dean's hair, tangling his fingers there as he led him back up into a deeper kiss. Not by much. Just a bit more pressure but it was enough to make Castiel let out a soft, pleasurable sigh.

Dean smiled at the feeling of fingers tangling through his hair, and he was pleasantly surprised when Cas pulled his head back up for another kiss, this one a little more serious and slightly deeper. It was nice, kissing Castiel like this. There was no rush and no feeling of desperation. Dean still didn't touch Castiel's body any lower than his shoulders, though. He didn't want to test the limits of their hesitant trust.

Castiel wiggled until he was comfortable again. Sitting up and moving into Dean's lap. Not straddling. Just sat in his lap with his legs spread across the length of the couch beside them. He pressed a hesitant kiss to the shell of Dean's ear before whispering. "I'm tired, boo. Can we go to bed?" He closed his eyes and yawned softly as if on cue. He nuzzled at Dean's neck and wrapped his arms around his middle, snuggling up to his fiancé with new found confidence.

Dean trailed his lips lightly over Castiel's cheek and nodded. "Yeah," he agreed, "You obviously need to catch up on your sleep. Do you want to stay here or move to the bed?" Dean tipped his head back a little as Castiel nuzzled along his neck and jaw and he closed his eyes and hummed happily, feeling completely warm and relaxed. He wasn't as worried anymore, things were already starting to get better.

"Bed," he answered a moment later, shifting in Dean's lap to get up. "It can't be comfortable for you to sleep like this all night," he worried, standing up and taking Dean's hand and leading him over to the bed. "Bed's much comfier anyways," he smiled. This bed had happy memories. He was okay with this one. His happy place, as he liked to call it. He shrugged out of his sweatpants and shimmied under the covers in his top and underwear. Not comfortable with sleep nude just yet. Especially with another body next to him.

Dean nodded in understanding and went over to the bed with Cas. He took off his pants, leaving him in his boxers and he fumbled with the hem of his shirt awkwardly. "Should... do you want me to leave this on?" He asked uncertainly. He didn't want to come across as sexual or threatening in any way, and he promised he was going to go strictly by Castiel's rules and not break the comfort zone. Cas was already in the bed and Dean hesitated by the side of it, waiting for a signal.

Castiel bit his lips, shuffling back up onto his knees to sit in front of Dean. He contemplated for a moment, wondering what to do. What he felt comfortable with before carefully dipping his fingers under the fabric and peeling the shirt off and over Dean's head, dropping the garment to the floor. He pressed a light kiss to Dean's cheek and moved back on the bed to give Dean room to lie down next to him.

Dean blinked in surprise and let Castiel remove his shirt. The air in the cabin was still kind of chilly back by the bed, where the heat of the fire hadn't quite reached yet, and the covers were cool as Dean slid under them. He turned on his side to face Castiel and rested his hand on the mattress between them, a soft smile on his face. "Are you comfortable?" He asked quietly.

Castiel nodded timidly. Glad for the space between them. He liked being close to Dean but without the morphine he wasn't sure he was ready to sleep so close to Dean that they were practically wrapped in one another. Maybe as the night progressed he might change his mind but right now he was glad there was some space between them. He laced his fingers with Dean's, just to show the other he was okay and not pissed with him or anything like that.

Dean smiled reassuringly and brought Castiel's fingers up to his lips to kiss them gently. "Goodnight, Cas," he whispered against the back of Castiel's fingers. "I'll be here when you wake up." Dean briefly let go of Castiel's hand to pull the blanket up more snugly around Castiel's shoulders, and then he went back to loosely holding Castiel's hand on the bed between them. "I love you," he murmured.

Castiel closed his eyes and hummed softly, loving the warmth which spread through him at Dean's touches. "I love you, too, kitten," he murmured quietly. He fell asleep soon after that, only waking once during the night after a mild nightmare. He'd snuggled back up to Dean and pressed a soft kiss to his chest and fallen asleep again. Not waking 'til morning when he felt himself stir from slumber.

With the reassuring warmth of Castiel's relaxed body in the bed beside him, Dean slept soundly throughout the night and woke up feeling well-rested, better than he had all week. The air in the cabin was cold and Dean shivered, pulling the blanket tighter around them and moving a little close to Cas. They were snuggled up together, Dean's arms around Cas, gently holding him. Protective even in sleep. "Good morning," he murmured, when he noticed Castiel stirring.

"Morning," he mumbled, yawning softly as he stretched like a cat, working the kinks out of his neck and back before settling back down on the bed next to Dean. "Honey, you sleep okay?" he asked quietly, closing his eyes again and sighing softly. He reached out blindly for Dean pressing a hand to the other's hip, resting his arm loosely around the other. "I know I sure did. Thanks to you," he grinned lazily. He hadn't felt this warm and content in a long time. You could almost say he was happy.

Dean nodded and smiled contentedly, stretching with Castiel. "That's really good," he murmured, genuinely happy for Cas that he'd managed to get a good night's rest and seemed much more at ease after a night of peaceful sleep. He sighed and snuggled closer, nuzzling his nose into Castiel's neck and humming softly. "This is nice," He said softly, closing his eyes again. "How are you feeling today? Any better pain-wise? You seem a lot more relaxed."

"I feel more relaxed," he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to Dean's chest. "Well as long you don't try stickin' anything up there anytime soon I'll be fine," Castiel said, pressing a kiss to Dean's lips before moving away to get his shirt and putting it back on. Feeling a little exposed, and cold. He snuggled back beside Dean and sighed. "You going to school today?" he asked.

Dean laughed quietly and patted Castiel's hip affectionately as he moved to get his shirt. It was almost like they were back to their normal flirting and bantering, but not quite. There was still a thick tension between them, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it was in the hospital. "I don't know," Dean said tiredly, sighing and kissing Castiel's shoulder. "I probably should but I don't want to. It's been a few days and I might be getting behind in stuff... do you think you're ready to go back? People might start asking questions and spreading rumors if we stay out of school for too long."

Castiel shrugged. "I can't let this screw up my education," he said determinedly. "I need to get into college and I sure as hell ain't retaking this year." He sat up and tugged on Dean's hand to get out of bed. "If things get bad I'll go home early but we need to start getting back into routine." He fumbled for his jeans on the floor and stumbled into them, looking over at Dean with a soft smile. "You comin'?"

Dean smiled proudly at Cas. That he was brave enough to go back to school so after he'd been brutally attacked, almost lost his life, and had his pride stolen from him, impressed Dean greatly and he was so proud of Cas. "Of course I'm coming," he replied lightly, standing up and running his hands through his hair. What was left of Castiel's hair would definitely raise some questions and Dean wasn't sure how they were going to be answered, but that wasn't a big deal. What was important was moving on and getting on with their lives.

Castiel looked around, swiping up Dean's hoodie and putting it on. He gave him a look and shrugged. "I need it more than you do, babe," he murmured, as if the reason wasn't obvious enough. He flicked up the hoodie and strode over to the couch, picking up his guitar and fishing out the pack of cigarettes which laid inside. He shoved them into his pocket, just in case as well as the lighter. "Okay," he said with a small smile. "Let's go."

Dean shrugged absently and searched around for his pants and shirt. They were wrinkled and cold from lying on the floor all night, but they were still wearable. When he was ready, he turned to Cas and took a deep breath. "Let's go." he agreed. He'd noticed Castiel put the cigarettes and lighter in his pocket, but didn't comment on it. If Cas needed them to get through the day, Dean was fine with it and wouldn't protest. He smiled reassuringly and walked with Cas outside to the car.

Castiel followed Dean outside and took one last look at the cabin. His happy place before going back to the car and driving to school with Dean. Once they got there. Castiel went straight for his pocket and lit up a cigarette. He inhaled on the toxins greedily and his free hand twitched nervously as people gave them odd looks in the parking lot. Castiel was leant against the hood of the car and smoking slowly, letting the nicotine course through him and relax his body.

Dean leaned on the car beside Castiel, and he had to admit it was pretty sexy when Cas smoked. It made him look rougher around the edges, tough in a beaten down sort of way. Castiel did look pretty different from when they'd last been in school. His hair was all cut off and he was covered in cuts and healing bruises, but that wasn't all. The way he held himself was withdrawn and lacking confidence, as if he was afraid people would be able to see inside him. Dean took the cigarette out of Castiel's hand and took a drag himself, smirking lazily at Cas. "We look like a couple of dropout drug addicts," he muttered in amusement, elbowing Cas lightly in the side.

Castiel huffed out a small amused laugh, taking his cigarette back and taking a long drag, leaning against Dean lightly. "Let's just stick to the tobacco, boo," he mused, taking another drag. He handed the cigarette back to Dean and pulled his hoodie back up some more, hiding his face and the majority of his bruised and cut skin. "You know what we got first?"

Dean cleared his throat as the smoke burned into his lungs, leaving a bad taste in his mouth. "Math," he said with a shrug. "Shouldn't be too bad. We've still got a few minutes." Dean turned his head to study Cas out of the corner of his eye. He was so different looking, people were bound to ask questions. "What are you gonna say if people ask what happened?"

Castiel finished his cigarette and stubbed it out on the ground. He played with his lighter absently, watching the small flame flicker as the wind curled around it. "Fuck off," he answered to Dean's question with a slight smirk, flicking the lighter closed and pocketing it before strolling off up to school. Knowing Dean would be right behind him. He had English and was not looking forward to creative writing.

Dean followed Cas and fell into step beside him as they walked into the school at a leisurely pace. The looks people were giving them were a range of emotions, some curious, some concerned, and some relieved. Dean walked a little closer to Cas out of instinct and met people's eyes with a polite smile, but he could still feel their stairs and it was making his skin tingle unpleasantly. They'd been out of school for a few days and coming back looking so different had to be pretty weird for people to see. They'd somehow become well-known throughout the school, and Dean wasn't sure if he was being paranoid but he could practically feel people whispering about them.

Castiel kept a blank expression, not letting anyone get to him. He could do this. He was better than them. He got to Math with Dean and stood in front of the other, unsure what to do. His eyes were full of worry and fear but his body language said nothing. He allowed no one to see through him. He was strong than that now. He pressed a kiss to Dean's lips, backing away after a moment with a small nod. "See you later, babe," he murmured, shoving his hands into his pockets and scurrying down the corridors to get to English, keeping his head down low.

Dean smiled at Cas reassuringly and kissed him back gently. "See you soon," he whispered, giving Cas a quick hug before he left and headed down the hallway. Dean watched him go until he turned the corner and then reluctantly stepped into his math class. He sat down in his usual desk and smiled casually at the people he sat by, but he didn't say anything and busied himself with taking his notebook out of his backpack. He actually needed to get caught up in this class and do work. Missing so much school had gotten him somewhat behind and he needed to pass the class to graduate.

Castiel made it to English and sat in the back, keeping himself to himself. But what'd ya know. It's asshole day and the teacher is going to pick on Castiel for every fucking thing. It gets to the point that he's practically red in the face with anger and embarrassment. Some people snicker when the teacher scoffs and tells Castiel to read out his creative writing piece. Some give Castiel sympathetic looks and Castiel is just grateful there are at least some people on his side. "I'm sorry. I don't have it just yet. I've been a little busy," he said, as calmly as he could manage after spending the entire lesson getting picked on for no apparent reason. Just because he's become a somebody in the last few months doesn't make it okay for the teachers to treat him this way. He's still the same person. Only now they think he's dumbing down and slacking off because he has a boyfriend. "Not good enough, Novak," the teacher said sharply. "Read us what you have so far. Come on. You've had two weeks for this. You must have something."

No. He didn't. He'd spent the last two weeks going from worrying about the play, Bobby and school to almost getting murdered, violated and abused by none other than his own brother. "Fine. You want something. I'll give you something," he muttered angrily, storming up to the front of the class and clearing his throat. He spent the next ten minutes, expressing, in horrifyingly grim detail how his brother had tried to murder him. He left out the bit about rape. He assumed being murdered would be enough to startle his teacher into realisation. He was right. His teacher, and most the class just stared wide eyed at him. "I think you should see the principal, Castiel," his teacher said gravely, frowning deeply and crossing his arms over his chest. "For what?!" he said, on the verge of punching something out of anger. His voice borderline hysterical. "This is inapporpriate material for the classroom. Either you write a proper story, with an intelligent narrative structure, or don't bother thinking about graduating this class." Castiel had had it by then. "Are you kidding me?! You think I'd make this sick shit up!?" He could hear a few students murmuring amongst themselves. Some even seemed to support him, knowing the rumours about Gabriel and his past history with bullies they wouldn't put it past him. "Principal. Now," the teacher order. Castiel just rolled his eyes and left the room, punching the wall in the hall as hot angry tear ran down his face. "Fucking unbelievable," he grunted, sliding down a locker and sitting on the floor as the bell for recess went.

Dean's math teacher had never liked him, probably because he was awful at math and didn't take the class seriously. He wasn't even planning on going to college, there was no way he'd get into a decent college and be able to afford it. The Winchester family could only really afford to send one kid to school, and that was going to be Sammy. Sam was smart and he worked hard and had a lot of focus and determination, he deserved the chance to further his education and get a good career. Dean, not so much. He had no reason to go to college, because he'd pretty much already resigned himself to working jobs that payed well and were flexible. Such as bartending or mechanic work. He wasn't too worried about his future, and he'd definitely get by. The point being, the math teacher was not in a good mood today and decided to take it out on Dean, but Dean really wasn't in the mood for her stupid games today. When she asked for his homework, Dean just shook his head and shrugged. "Don't have it," he muttered, and the teacher gave a disappointed sigh. "Dean, please come see me after class," she said, and Dean nodded absently, although he really wasn't planning on it. He was barely passing the course, and had no intention of staying after class to listen to his teacher tell him how awful of a student he was. He went through the rest of the class silently brooding, but inside he was feeling the beginnings of panic. He'd really gotten behind in his math work and had no idea what they were currently learning.

Castiel breathed heavily through his nose, trying to calm down. Students were filing out as next period rang out. Meg saw him huddled off to the side and came over to his aid. "Hey," she said softly, kneeling to sit down by his side. "You wanna come art and watch me make crude bod parts outta clay or are your just gonna sit here and look pretty all afternoon," she teased. Castiel was surprised by her easy conversation and couldn't help but lighten up. With her help, he stood up and they went to art together. Both ignoring the fact that they both knew the gruesome details of Castiel's near death experience.

When math finally ended, Dean hurried out of the class and didn't stick around to listen to his teacher bitch about him. He headed straight for the halls out to the tree where he and Cas usually ate lunch, although it was getting to be too cold to do that outside much anymore. They'd have to find a new place to eat lunch when it got too cold to eat outside. As Dean walked down the hallway, the conversations he heard caused him to freeze. "I don't know, he said his older brother attacked him with a knife and he was saying all these awful things to him..." one girl was saying to a group of friends in a corner of the hallway. She was clearly upset, and Dean frowned in confusion. How did she know about that? Dean picked up the pace and hurried outside, only to find the tree spot empty, Castiel nowhere to be found. As Dean walked back into the school, another girl grabbed Dean's sleeve and stopped him. "You're Castiel's boyfriend," she said breathlessly, eyes wide with excitement of gossip and worry. "Then you must know what happened, my boyfriend's friend is in his English class and he said that Cas was attacked by his serial killer brother with a knife and a metal baseball bat?" Dean stared at her in disbelief and then shook his head, cursing under his breath and running back into school. He had to find Cas now, before this got out of hand. He checked the art rooms first, because that was where Castiel would most likely be if not the tree. Sure enough, Cas and Meg were sitting at a table sculpting things out of clay.

Castiel was having fun with Meg in the art rooms, grateful for at least a little normality. He hadn't meant to say those things but he'd been so angry. Hadn't the teacher seen his face? Had he just classed it as being bullied again? Typical. He was so sick of it all. He looked up to see Dean standing in the doorway and he smiled nervously. Meg squeezed his hand much to his surprise and he smiled and nodded back before moving over to Dean. "Hello, Dean," he said quietly, dipping his head down to look at his shoes as he approached the other nervously. How was he going to tell him about this?

Dean stood in the doorway for a moment trying to think of what to say. He didn't know if what was going around was just rumors or if Castiel had told someone and word had gotten out. It hurt to think that Cas would rather tell somebody else before telling Dean, and he wanted to know why. "Cas, what happened on the night Lucifer attacked you?" He asked, keeping his face neutral and his tone calm and quiet. He stood in front of Cas and studied his face for anything that could give him away. He wasn't outright saying that Cas had lied to him, but Dean had never thought Cas would hide things from him, especially when Dean was so desperate to help him solve his problems.

Castiel closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again and just looking down at the floor and the space between their feet. "I don't want to talk about it," he whispered, he didn't want to go through that again. It had been a stupid mistake of anger. He was an idiot for doing it and didn't want to do it again. He closed the door so it was just him, Dean and Meg and no one listening in. He moved away from Dean and sat back by his clay sculpture. Meg now had her headphones in so they could have some privacy whilst still being there if he needed her. Which he was grateful for.

Dean followed Cas and grabbed his shoulder, turning him around to face him. "Cas, tell me what happened," he demanded, "I've heard two versions of this story and I have no idea what the fuck actually happened, all I saw is that he raped you and stabbed you and cut off your hair, that's all I know. You've got to tell me what's going on, Cas." Dean pleaded. "I don't know how to help you if you won't tell me what he did to you, and I'm the first person you should tell, not a bunch of gossip-hungry jerks at school!" Dean was breathless by the end of this little rant, glaring hard at Cas.

Castiel swallowed thickly, watching Dean out the corner of his eyes. His head still tilted downwards towards the floor and keeping away from Dean. He didn't like when he got mad. "I-I I got mad, Dean," he tried to explain, looking at his hands in his lap. "He kept pushing me for a story and it's the only thing driving its way through my skull." He sighed softly and was quiet for a long time before saying. "You know why I don't want to tell you? Because it's you, Dean. You're the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I see at night. Once you know...you'll never see me the same way again. I can't ruin us because of that. I can't risk loosing that loving look of admiration you give me every time I kiss your lips or play with your hair as we fall asleep in each other's arms. You'll be thinking about what happened. What it did to me and I can't look at you knowing what's going through your mind as I tell you the details of something so horrific."

At Castiel's confession, Dean's anger and fear completely melted away and he sagged into a chair beside Cas. He grabbed Castiel's chair and dragged it across the floor until they were angled towards each other and could communicate face to face, their knees touching slightly. "Listen," Dean said quietly, leaning forward a little and resting his hands on both of Castiel's knees, begging him to meet his eyes. "Cas, I want you to tell me what happened. I want to understand, I want to help you. I can help you, Cas. You need to talk to someone about this and no matter what you say, it won't make me see you differently. Sure, it'll probably make me upset and angry as hell, but none of that will be directed at you. And it'll probably be hard for me to ignore, but I won't let it change how I feel about you, Cas. I still love you and I always will. Please tell me, Cas."

Castiel made a small yelping sound as Dean touch him. He wasn't expecting it and it freaked him out a little. He looked up at Dean immediately, wide eyed and ready to run. He hated Dean for this. Pressuring into confiding in him because it was the right thing to do. He knew it's what he should do but it didn't make it any easier. "I-I can't," he whispered. "It's too much." He bit his lip anxiously, moving his knees away from Dean's hands. He could really do with a smoke right now. "I-I need some air," he whispered, taking Dean's hand to take him with him outside. He didn't want Dean to leave. But he didn't want to tell him either. He was at a loss.

Dean pulled his hand out of Castiel's and frowned. "No," he said, "I'm not going with you unless you agree to tell me everything. You shouldn't have to hide this from me, Cas. I'm worried about you." Dean stayed right where he was and stared at Castiel stubbornly. He didn't want to have to resort to this, but he didn't know how else to get Cas to tell him. He felt slightly guilty at Castiel's flinch, but he didn't say anything or apologize. Dean was terrified there was something big that Castiel wasn't telling him, somthing that could put him in even more danger. What if Lucifer threatened Castiel again, or what if he'd threatened to hurt people Castiel cared about, including Dean? He couldn't even begin to imagine the messed up stuff that went through Lucifer's brain, but he needed to understand.

"Fine," Castiel said just as stubbornly, leaving Dean alone in the art rooms. If he didn't want to come that was up to him but there was no way he was telling Dean anything. Not like this. He wanted to be comfortable telling Dean. Why was he forcing this on him, all this extra stress? Didn't he know what had happened? He stormed off, going outside and lighting up a cigarette needly. His shoulders sagging once the nicotine hit his system. He walked around for a bit, enjoy the air and smoke and trying to drain some of the tension Dean had caused.

Dean watched Cas storm out and then he sagged forward on the table, resting his head on his arms and tugging angrily at his hair. Why did everything have to be so difficult? He didn't know what to do anymore. Cas was refusing to tell him anything and Dean had no idea which rumors to believe. He knew the basic facts of what had happened, and he knew what he'd seen, so why was Cas refusing to elaborate? He understood it was a difficult thing to think about and Cas might not want to talk about it, but why had he told random people and was refusing to tell Dean? He'd forgotten he wasn't alone in the room until he caught sight of Meg moving around on the edges of his vision, and he sighed and lowered his head to the table again, just needing to be alone to think.

Castiel gave a soft sigh, sucking in another breath full of smoke. He was mad at Dean. No. Not mad. Disappointed. He just didn't understand why this was such a big deal. If Sam had been raped and almost murdered he'd sure as hell do all he could to keep it a secret. So why wouldn't he do the same for him? He grumbled, fishing out his keys and scratched a line absently down the side of Dean's car door as he finished his cigarette, stubbing it on the floor. He wasn't sure why he did it. He just needed to let out some anger. Although, maybe that wasn't a good idea. He'd probably done that enough today.

A little while later, Dean collected his thoughts enough to stand up and walk out of the art room, not seeing any point in going to the rest of his classes that day. He didn't really want to go find Cas, because he clearly wanted to be left alone and didn't want to speak with Dean. Dean decided to just go home, because what was the point. He was tired of putting up with Castiel's ever-changing moods, and even if he felt bad for thinking it, he knew he had a right to. Cas had a right to be upset, he'd gotten raped and nearly died. Dean knew Castiel's thoughts must be a mess and his emotions were screwed over, but Dean was tired too. He'd tried getting Cas to open up and talk, he'd tried comforting him and being there for him, but nothing was working and now Cas was angry at him. Dean didn't know what else to do. When he got to the parking lot, there were no other people around. When he opened his door to get in, he noticed a long scratch down the side of his car. He'd seen enough damaged cars to know that this was done with a key, and he cursed loudly and rubbed at the scratch uselessly. This was the last fucking thing he needed.

Castiel watched as Dean came outside and for some reason he felt the need to hide. Going around to the passenger side and sitting on the ground. He listened as Dean cursed loudly at the work Castiel had done to his car. He already felt bad for it but the damage was done now. He stood up and just looked over at Dean with what was close to a glare. "You were just gonna leave me here?" Castiel asked, surprised. Dean wouldn't do that, would he? How was he supposed to get home? Stay sane. Do anything without his Dean by his side. Even if he was mad at him.

Dean nearly jumped out of his skin when Castiel's voice came out of nowhere, and he stood up and fixed Castiel with an angry glare. "You did this?!" He yelled, gesturing to the car. "Cas, what the fuck!" Dean ran his hands through his hair and sucked in a deep breath, taking a few steps away from the car and then turning around to stare at Castiel in disbelief. "What the hell do you want me to do? Chase you around the school begging you to talk to me? You've made it perfectly clear that you don't want to speak to me, so what's the point in me trying to get you to talk?" He opened up the door again, shaking his head in disappointment. "You know what? Nevermind. Forget it. You don't wanna talk, that's fine. I'm not going to waste time trying to be there for you when you refuse to accept it. See you later." Dean got into the car and began to drive off.

Castiel felt hot white anger burn up inside him. He couldn't just let Dean drive away. He stepped in front of his car and glared at Dean. "Just because I don't wanna talk doesn't mean I don't want your company, assbutt," he grumbled, looking at Dean through the windowpane. "And I can't accept something you are forcing me to do. Are you aware of how uncomfortable it makes me to hear you demand something like that of me. Don't you know what I'm going through?!" He sighed, scoffing harshly as moved out the way. "But you're right. Go on. Just piss off. I don't need you here if you're just gonna be a dick about it."

Dean slammed on the brakes when Castiel stepped out in front of the car and he felt even angrier. "Believe me, I get it," Dean said coldly through the open window, "And I'm not being a dick, you are. You don't want to talk to me but you want me to stay here because you want my company? Is that it, I'm just good to hang out with but you don't trust me enough to actually confide in me and tell me what's bothering you so I can try to help? You're using me, Cas. You just want me to be your distraction and whenever I bring up an important issue you get angry at me and act like I'm the one hurting you."

Castiel swallowed thickly. "No. I want you to be my friend and grow a pair," he growled. "I get that it must be frustrating not knowing what's going on but you've gotta be patient because when I tell you. I'll tell you _everything. _Down to the fucking smell. I just need more time." He ran a hand over his head, adjusting the hoodie back up afterwards, making sure it was still there. "Please," he begged, anger subsiding and just sounding tired. "I trust you, Dean. Don't you dare say I don't. If I hadn't of trusted you I'd have been dead long ago. We'd have never gone to prom. Kissed. Made love. Grown together. So I trust you, Dean. Truth be told, I don't know if you trust me enough to not tell you. I don't think you can handle that."

Dean put the car in park and rested his forehead on the steering wheel with a heavy sigh. When Castiel's voice softened, leaving him sounding tired and sad and defeated, Dean's anger left him and he felt exhausted suddenly. "Cas, I'm tired of this," he admitted with a weary sigh, shaking his head. "I can't keep doing this ridiculous guessing game with you. Honestly, I'm not sure how much I trust you now. You told your whole English class, but you won't even tell me. That hurts, Cas. I'm supposed to be the one you tell everything to, and I thought I was. Especially after everything that's happened to us since we met." Dean sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Cas, all I've ever wanted to do is be there for you and be the one you trust and turn to when you need support, but you're not letting me and I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Castiel bit his lip, walking over to the drivers side and opening the door. He was hesitant and just looked at Dean for a moment. "You're right," he said quietly. "I've been an idiot. I should have told you but I was just so afraid of what you'd say. I..Your opinion matters, Dean. More than anyones so telling you something this big...it scares me." He hesitantly lowered himself to sit in Dean's lap to look him in the eyes properly. "Can we just go home, please? Take a bath. Go to bed," he asked hopefully. He wanted to tell Dean, truly he did. But he didn't even know where to start. "We can talk this over with some hot chocolate or something. Please. Just...please?"

Dean watched suspiciously as Castiel came over to the drivers side of the car and opened the door, and it was really unexpected when he sat himself in Dean's lap in the tight space between Dean's body and the steering wheel. He didn't move and didn't touch Cas and didn't react at all, simply watching his every move and listening to his words. "Okay," he said at last, "Fine. Let's get out of here." He lightly pushed Castiel off his lap and gestured for him to walk around. He agreed to do this chat at home, in a less stressful environment, because maybe Dean was going about tis wrong and the truth needed to be eased out of Cas more carefully.

Castiel let out a small breath in relief and nodded once, moving around the car and getting in the passenger seat. They began driving away from school and Castiel was beginning to wonder why he'd thought it was such a good idea to come back today. He wasn't ready. It was obvious. Why did he always do these things to himself. "Dean," he whispered after a tense, silent drive to his. The car rolling to a stop as they arrived outside his house. He looked over at the other and bit his lip. "I'm sorry about your car," he finally said, covering for the hesitant pause as he tried to talk about that night. "I'm not mad at you. I just...needed something to lash out on. I'm sorry. I'll pay to get it painted."

Dean cut the engine and sat in the car for a moment, the silence heavy and thick. He sighed tensely and ran his hands over his face, rubbing at his eyes. He could feel a headache coming on and he wasn't in the mood for dealing with this, but he knew he had to face these problems and help Cas get better. "It's okay," he muttered tiredly, leaning his forehead on the steering wheel. He stayed like that for a long time and breathed slowly, trying to process his thoughts. "Cas, I don't care about the car. I'm really worried about you. I get that you don't want to talk about it, but I think you should tell me."

Castiel swallowed thickly and watched Dean carefully. He pressed his fingertips to Dean's wrist carefully, curling his hand slowly into the other's and take it away from the steering wheel. "I want to tell you," he said honestly. "It's just hard." He squeezed Dean's hand gently and pulled away to get out the car and into the house. He didn't want to go upstairs just yet. Too many bad memories up there. He led Dean into the main room and sat on the couch, biting his lip nervously, wondering how he was going to explain this to Dean.

Dean watched as Castiel walked into the house. He took a deep breath and followed Cas inside and joined him on the couch, sitting far enough away from Cas to not invade his space. "I know," he said quietly. "Just sit here, I'll be right back." Dean stood up again and walked to the kitchen to quickly brew a mug of tea and he found some chocolate in the cupboard. He brought the items back and set them in front of Cas, just something to distract him and make him more comfortable and relaxed. He smiled slightly and tossed a blanket to Cas and then sat down beside him. "Okay. Whenever you're ready."

Castiel didn't know where Dean was going. He was half convinced he was going to make a run for it but soon enough he came back with a mug of tea for him and he smile gratefully. He sat a little closer to Dean, their arms brushing as he took a small sip of the piping brew. "I don't know where to start," he whispered nervously. "He was already here when I got home. Waiting in the dark for me, eyes gazing deadly at me...and that grin," he shivered at the thought. "I must of passed out or something 'cause I found myself waking up, tied to the bed with him peering over me."

"Then why did he say you had three days?" Dean asked carefully, "On the phone... he said three days." Dean was glad Castiel was at least sitting a little closer to him and wasn't upset over touching him. Cas looked so small and frightened then, and all of Dean's frustration and anger faded to sadness and a desire to comfort him in any way he could. Dean tentatively placed his hand next to Castiel's, their fingers touching slightly. If Cas wanted to, he could take his hand, or he could pull away if he chose. Whatever happened, Cas needed to feel safe and know he was in control of the situation.

Castiel was grateful for Dean's small touches, keeping him from becoming a bawling mess. "To put me off his scent? I don't know," he answered honestly. "Point is he was waiting for me." His tea long forgotten in his hands he stared absently in front of him. "He knew what he was here for. This wasn't just on impulse. He'd been waiting for it. Waiting to finished the job he'd failed last time." He swallowed thickly, putting the tea on the floor and taking Dean's hand properly, in need of comfort.

Dean knew this was going to be hard to hear, and even harder for Cas to say, but they needed it out in the open. Dean needed all the details, not only to help Cas cope with what had happened but also for evidence against Lucifer for the jury trial. Dean didn't know if Lucifer had an attorney and there was no way Dean was qualified for something like that, but it was better that Cas tell him first to get it off his chest before sharing the whole thing with a courtroom. Sam would be better at finding a good attorney, but that wasn't really Dean's concern right now. His main concern was about Castiel's well-being. He held onto Castiel's hand gently and waited patiently for him speak again.

Castiel took deep breaths, trying to remain in control. He'd told the bare minimum to his class. Mainly out of anger but that was it. It wasn't as eerie as this. Telling his lover how his brother had broken him both physically and mentally. "I think I'd fainted..or he hit me or something but when I came to, I was on my back, each wrist and ankle tied to the bed with strong thick rope, stuff you'd use to keep boats tied up, you know?" He rubbed his wrist self consciously, like he could still feel the material scratching against his skin as he struggled against them. "I could hear Amber crying out, he'd locked her in the closet. Probably wasn't expecting her. She wasn't around when he was." He bit his lip, playing absently with Dean's fingers. "She kept scratching against the wood. Crying out for help, much like myself. Both trapped with no means of escape," Castiel's voice trembled, breaking down into tears. He dipped his head down, shaking violently as he curled in on himself, trying to hide from the terrors.

Dean scooted a little closer to Cas and carefully wrapped an arm around him, desperate to comfort him in any way he could. Cas was trembling badly and Dean wrapped the blanket up over his shoulders and rubbed his back. Even if Cas wasn't cold, the blanket still might help comfort him somewhat. Dean knew this had to be bad, worse than anything that had happened to Castiel, if he was already this upset and he hadn't even gotten to the actual action of Lucifer hurting him. "Did he hurt Amber?" Dean asked quietly, rubbing wide, soothing circles into Castiel's back.

Castiel shook his head, "I don't think so." He sniffed, choking out a breath as he tried to talk. "I think she just got in the way or something. I must have still been passed out when he locked her away." He bit his lip, he'd seen Amber since then but he wouldn't have known if Lucifer had kicked her or anything. She seemed fine. Maybe he should take her to the vets just in case. "He didn't have a gun this time. Just a knife. Said after years in jail he wanted to see me suffer. A gun would have been too easy. He'd already stripped me of my clothes. Said he didn't want to get them stained. I didn't understand what he meant by that until he carved his first slice into my thigh." Castiel's voice was empty as he recited what happened. He gaze absently in front of him, as if he was watching what was happening.

"Why did he want to hurt you?" Dean asked cautiously. He knew that Lucifer had tried to kill Castiel in the past and he'd constantly been bullied, beaten and abused by his older brother, but Dean didn't know why. It didn't make sense that Lucifer would want to hurt an innocent little kid, and it still didn't make sense that after all those years in prison the first thing he wanted to do when he got out was make Castiel suffer. It gave Dean chills. Lucifer had obviously intended to kill Castiel, and if he and Sam hadn't gotten there in time it would've been too late.

Castiel sighed. "The thing you have to understand, Dean, is, my brother loves my father. Almost too much. He'd do anything he'd say. Followed anything he did," Castiel tried to explain. Most people thought they understood this 'daddy's little girl' kinda thing but this was on a way bigger scale that people just thought Castiel was exaggerating about. But he wasn't. This was real. "So when my father found out about my homosexuality, he didn't exactly take well to it. He announced I was no son of his and wished I'd never been born." He paused for a moment. Taking a breath. "Lucifer took this as an invitation to make this literal. Somewhere in his mind, he thought he was doing the right thing. After that, I guess the years spent being abused and raped in prison made it more of a personal matter to finish what he started."

Dean frowned in confusion and gently cupped the back of Castiel's neck, looking thoughtfully at the rug. "Didn't your parents know about this?" He asked, "I know your mother wasn't home a lot and she was away at work all the time, but did your dad just let Lucifer abuse you?" Castiel's dad was a real asshole, but Dean couldn't imagine that he would just stand by and watch his son get beaten and mistreated his whole life. And Balthazar and Gabriel must have looked up to Lucifer and followed in his footsteps by hurting Castiel as well. "Did you ever tell anyone that this was happening?"

Castiel was silent for a really long time because he knew his answer would make Dean mad, angry even. He'd lecture him to tears and he couldn't deal with that right now. "No," he whispered, sounding so small and lost. "It would have made it worse," he said, trying to at least defend his actions a little. He curled up against Dean, mainly so he could hide his face from the other. He didn't want to have to face him if he was going to have a go at him. He knew he should have told someone but he was afraid. The only person he told was Jimmy because he knew he wouldn't be able to tell anyone anyway. "Can...can we talk about this later? I could really do with a bath right now," he said, hoping to get away from the topic. If only for a little bit.

Dean sighed sadly and nodded. "Okay," he agreed quietly, "Go take a bath and we'll talk later. Do you want me to wait down here?" Dean pressed a gentle kiss to Castiel's temple and briefly tightened his arm around him before removing his arm and sitting up a little straighter. He looked down at Cas in concern and wondered just how long it would take for him recover from the mental trauma of his brother's crime.

Castiel shook his head, "I..uh." He cleared his throat, blushing immensely. "Don't feel safe upstairs alone," he whispered, biting his lip. "I don't want you to...but could you just...stay with me?" He didn't want to go up there alone. Not after all the horrible things that happened up there. And what if he broke down, Dean would have no idea. No. He'd feel better if he came with him.

Dean nodded and stood up, turning to face Cas. He took Castiel's hand and led him up the stairs and into the bathroom. Once they were in there, Dean started the bath water and then turned around to look at Cas again. "You sure you'll be able to take a bath with your stitches and everything, or did they put waterproof bandages on the wounds?" Dean hadn't actually seen how the doctors had treated Castiel's wounds, and to be honest he really didn't know the extent to which Cas had been hurt.

Castiel went with Dean upstairs, and held tightly onto the other's hand. He poured in some bubble bath too, so when he got in he could hide his form behind the bubbles away from Dean. Still not comfortable with being fully exposed to him yet. "I'll be fine. They said I could bathe after a few days, as long as I continue to change the dressings it should be fine," he shrugged. He pressed his hand lightly to Dean's before moving away. "Could you get me fresh clothes? I don't really want to go in there," he whispered, looking past the bathroom door and into their room opposite.

Dean nodded and smiled softly at Cas. "Yeah, just take it easy, Cas. I'll be right back." Dean left the bathroom and walked into the room where Dean had walked in on Cas getting raped. The room Cas had decorated and furnished for both himself and Dean, only to have it laced with bad memories and stained with blood. Luckily, the room was extremely clean and the clothes were undamaged, and Dean found Castiel some comfortable clothes. He found Amber sleeping in the hallway, and he picked her up as well and brought her with the clothes into the bathroom.

Castiel nodded, stripping out of his jeans and sitting down in the bath in his vest top and boxers. He didn't care if he was getting them wet. He didn't want to risk Dean singing him entirely naked. He covered himself in the bubbles and turned off the water. It was hot and so relaxing he felt himself drift off until Dean came back in. He saw Amber in his arms and smiled. "Hey there, Ambs," he cooed with a soft smile. "Thanks, Dean," he whispered, dipping his head to rest his head against the porcelain tub.

Dean smiled. "No problem," he answered, petting Amber's soft fur. "I'd give her to you to hold but I don't think she'd like the water." Dean said jokingly, and he sat on the floor beside the bathtub and looked down at the cat. Dean noticed that Castiel was still wearing a shirt, but chose not to comment on it. Maybe Castiel was hiding wounds, but Dean didn't want to pressure Cas into showing them yet. Cas was upset and tired and Dean didn't want to hurt his already fragile comfort.

Castiel smiled weakly and extended a finger to press against Amber's nose. She blinked and made a small mewing noise and Castiel chuckled a little as she tried to bat away his wet hand. He put it back in his lap and looked over at Dean softly. "He kissed me a lot too," Castiel murmured, his smile subsiding and his head dipping down to look at his hands. "His way of trying to be intimate. Love the life he was taking, I don't know. It didn't make any sense." He was quiet for a long time before adding. "I can still feel him on my lips. The way he'd hush me silent from the screams and force his way into my mouth with his tongue. It makes me sick."

Dean's smile faded and he looked at Castiel sadly. What Lucifer did made Dean so incredibly angry that he wanted to strangle him and make him pay for what he'd done to Cas. "Please tell me you bit him, at least," he muttered, shaking his head in disgust. He couldn't believe Lucifer could be so awful, violating Cas in so many ways. "Sorry," he added guiltily, looking up at Cas apologetically. "Dude, your brother's fucked up." Dean knew Cas might try to defend Lucifer because of family ties, but he refused to have any of it. "What he did to you is wrong in so many ways," he muttered, "He deserves to rot in hell for this."

Castiel bit his lip, shaking his head. "I did it once," he said quietly. "But he punished me even worse for being bad. He slammed his knife into my thigh. Right through the skin and against the bone." He shivered again, making a small noise in disgust. "I couldn't scream or move after that. I've never know pain like it. Sure, I've been cut before. Even associate with the pain but this...this was like nothing I've ever experienced." He felt himself cry again. "I'm sorry," he whispered, trying to dry his tears with his wet hands.

Dean winced and could practically feel the pain from the stab as if it had happened to him. He didn't even want to think about it, let alone visualize it. He shuddered and then reached for Castiel's hand. "Jesus Christ," he muttered in horror. "It's a good thing you're all doped up on prescription painkillers, because that's probably going to take a while to heal all the way. Shit, Cas." Dean squeezed Castiel's hand. He'd had no idea the knife had cut that deep. Cas was crying and Dean wanted to cry too, seeing how broken and afraid Castiel was now. It wasn't fair that this happened to him, he'd never done anybody wrong. His only crime was being gay, and that wasn't a crime at all. It wasn't fair, Cas was the last person to deserve any of this.

Castiel sniffed, looking down at their joined hands. "I need to take some more in about an hour," he said aloud, reminding himself. "It's okay, Dean," he whispered, trying to assure the other with soft sniffles and a wet hand to his cheek, cupping it softly. "It's over. It's okay." He didn't want Dean to get mad. It would just make things worse. He shuffled in the bathtub and looked awkwardly at Dean. "I need to get out but I don't want you to see me like this," he whispered, moving his hand away and looking down at his lap.

Dean shook his head and sighed. It wasn't okay. It was in the past, but it still happened. He looked into Castiel's eyes and turned his face into his hand slightly to kiss the damp, soapy-scented palm of Castiel's hand. "Okay," he murmured. He looked over at Castiel's clothes and hesitated. "Are you sure?" He asked cautiously, "I don't... you should probably change your bandages, they're all wet now. I can help you, if you want?"

Castiel bit his lip anxiously, he could do with the help. "A-Are you sure. I don't want you to see the wounds," he whispered quietly. He would hate see the pained look on Dean's face if he ever saw what Lucifer had done to him. Finally he swallowed his dignity and nodded timidly. "Okay. But only if you're sure. You have to be real careful," he warned.

Dean nodded firmly. "Alright," he said, feeling a little nervous for what he was about to see. With Cas still wearing his shirt and boxers, Dean couldn't see just how bad it was. "Cas, it doesn't matter if I see them, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. And I won't freak out, I promise." He stared into Castiel's eyes steadily and squeezed his hand again. "Come on, let's get you out of there." He stood up and helped Cas stand to his feet so he didn't get too dizzy or slip and fall under the effects of the painkillers.

Castiel nodded and managed to get up and out of the bath with Dean's help. He bit his lip, stripping off his soaked shirt and wrapping a towel around his lower half. He wiggled out of his boxers with the towel stiff wrapped around him and put on his fresh boxers so Dean couldn't see. The he removed to towel and put on a clean night shirt. He looked down at his wet bandages and looked back at Dean as he sat on the edge of the bath. "Okay, just be gentle," he whispered, starting with peeling back the bandages slowly himself.

* * *

**If anyones got any questions don't be afraid to ask...'cause me and my friend tend to talk and explain to each other what's happening so the final outcome might not be as clear as we think it is in the way we write :) ANyways thank you guys so much for reading. Xxx**


	42. Chapter 42

Dean held up a towel for Cas and looked down at the floor to give him some privacy. As soon as Castiel was dressed and covered up, Dean lowered the towel and knelt on the ground in front of where Cas was sitting on top of the toilet. The bandages were damp and soggy, and stained with blood, and Dean wasn't sure he wanted to see what was underneath. He'd already seen enough of Castiel's blood, and he didn't want to see any more. As Castiel carefully removed the dressings, Dean searched in the cabinet for more and pulled them out.

Castiel bit his lip and watched carefully as Dean looked at him as he removed his bandages. He let them drop to the floor and Castiel closed his eyes, not wanting to see Dean's reaction. "It was his knife," he explained quietly. "All his knife. Every time I made a noise in protest. Every grunt in resistance, he'd twist the knife into my thigh and lick up the trickling blood like it was his to lick. His to touch." He remained quiet after that. Unsure what else to say.

Dean clenched his teeth and inhaled deeply through his nose and let it out in a tense sigh as he tried to remain calm. This was more serious than he'd thought it was. The largest stab wound was about an inch in diameter and it wasn't a simple stab cut, it was more like a hole cut into Castiel's skin. There were stitches holding it closed, but the skin around the wound was badly swollen and his entire leg was covered in dark bruises. "Fuck," he breathed, studying the wound and grimacing. "How are you even walking?" Dean wanted to murder Lucifer. He wanted to do to him what he'd done to Cas, so he could see the terrible suffering he'd inflicted. Other stab wounds, not as severe as the big one, were scattered over his thigh, but they still looked equally deep and painful. Dean looked up at Castiel's face in horrified sadness. "Cas," he whispered, "I... I didn't know it was this bad."

"Painkillers," he answered honestly, looking up at the cabinet and gesturing to his medication. "Need some soon too," he reminded himself aloud. Castiel reached out carefully for Dean and pressed a soft hand to his cheek. "It's not that bad, I hardly feel it," he half lied, not wanting Dean to feel bad or hurt. He pressed a light kiss to Dean's forehead and reached out for the bandages and started re-doing his dressing.

Dean swallowed and nodded stiffly, watching as Castiel began rewrapping his leg up. While Cas was doing that, Dean stood up and got the bottle of pills from the cabinet. He read the directions and shook out the right number of pills for Cas and poured him a cup of water. Then he knelt down again and watched anxiously, wondering if there was anything he could do to help Cas, but he didn't want to accidentally hurt him. "Do you want any help?"

Castiel shook his head softly as he finished tying up one leg and started on the other. "I'm okay," he whispered, finishing off quickly and taking the pills and water from Dean. He swallowed the pills and two thirds of the water and looked up at Dean with a soft smile. "Let's go to bed," he whispered, tugging at Dean's hand to help himself up and led them to Sam's bedroom. He couldn't face their bedroom right now so they'd have to make do on the single bed. "Unless...you're going home?" he said worryingly. Unsure of what Dean actually had planned for tonight.

Dean gave Castiel's hand a reassuring little squeeze as they walked down the hall to the other bedroom, the one that used to be Castiel's but was now meant to be Sam's. "I'll stay if you want me to," he offered, looking at Castiel carefully. He seemed more comfortable around him now, and Dean didn't want to leave Cas alone like this when he was so vulnerable to panic and fear. When they got into the bedroom, Dean saw that it was only a single bed and he looked questioningly at Cas. "Do you want me to go in the bed with you or should I do something else?"

Castiel gave a small nod in assurance. They'd done it in the cabin, they could do it now. "Stay," he insisted quietly, pecking Dean's cheek. He shuffled under the duvets until he was comfortable, leaving Dean enough room to join him. "I'm sorry you had to see that," he added quietly. "I guess it's starting to make sense to you know, huh?" He bit his lip and played nervously with the top of the duvet absently. "We're...we're still good right?"

Dean settled in under the covers beside Castiel. They had to lie close together so neither of them would fall off the bed, and they settled in such a way that Cas was using Dean's arm as a pillow and they were loosely curled around each other. "Cas, it's okay." He murmured, "And yeah, it's starting to make more sense. I just... I can't believe someone could do that to their little brother. Even the thought of Sammy getting hurt makes me feel sick, I couldn't imagine doing it myself."

Castiel was silent, just leaning against Dean and enjoying his warmth. "It's over know. We don't...we don't have to think about it. You know the rest anyhows," he whispered, too embarrassed and distraught to continue. He pressed a light kiss to Dean's cheek, feeling more confident know that the painkillers had kicked in. "I love you," he whispered, closing his eyes as he rested against Dean, feeling his heart beat against his ear.

Dean smiled sady and stroked Castiel's short, uneven hair. "Okay, Cas," he murmured, pulling the blanket up around Castiel's shoulders and hugging him. "It's alright. I love you too." Dean hadn't heard those words in a while and he'd missed them, and it was reassuring to see Castiel more calm and relaxed. "You'll be okay, Cas." He promised quietly, although he wasn't sure Cas heard him. It looked like Cas had fallen asleep, and Dean kissed him on the head gently. "I love you," he said again.

Castiel smiled softly in his sleep. He nuzzled up closer, knowing he was safe with Dean. Pressing a soft kiss to his lover's neck he murmured something close to, "Goodnight, Dean." He fell asleep shortly after that and to his surprise did not dream or wake up in a cold sweat either. He was still perfectly safe in Dean's arms come morning and he could think of no better way to wake up than in Dean's arms, warm and comfortable and for once relaxed and stirring slowly awake in peace.

Dean slept lightly throughout the night and awoke when he felt Cas moving slightly in his arms. He opened his eyes and looked down at Castiel. He was warm in Dean's arms, and they'd shifted somewhat during the night so Castiel's head was tucked into Dean's neck and both of Dean's arms were wrapped around Cas. The arm that was under him was numb and tingly from his circulation being cut off, and he carefully eased it out from under Cas. "Good morning," he murmured, nuzzling lazily along Castiel's temple. "Sleep well?"

Castiel nodded a little and pressed a small kiss to Dean's jaw, nudging his nose along the length of his neck. "Surprisingly so," he commented with a sleepy smile. "You?" he asked quietly, pressing a hand absently to his bandaged knee, just to make sure everything was okay down there. "You wanna make me breakfast," he asked with a teasing smirk, nudging his nose back against Dean's cheek.

Dean exhaled a relieved sigh and held Castiel close again. "Good," he murmured against Castiel's jaw. "I thought I was losing you there. What do you want for breakfast? Nothing too fancy, I hope. My cooking skills are limited to eggs and bacon and sometimes pancakes." Dean propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at Castiel with a soft smile. He looked sleepy and relaxed and so much more himself.

Castiel smiled brightly, "That'll do just fine." He held onto Dean tighter, not really having any intention of moving just yet. "I was thinking maybe..." he trailed of quietly, unsure of himself. "You were right. I should have told you. A-And I wanna tell you. If you'll listen of course. Believe me, it makes me sick just thinking about it. If you don't want to know I'll totally understand." He pressed a soft, easy kiss to Dean's lips, ignoring his morning breath and giving him what he hoped was an assuring smile. "It's up to you, kitten," he breathed nervously.

Dean studied Castil's face carefully. His eyes were wide and honest, and Dean knew this was hard for him but if Cas would talk, Dean would listen. He nodded and rubbed a hand up and down Castiel's arm, and then cupped his elbow to keep him close. "If you're comfortable with it, you can tell me." Dean really thought this was the best thing to do. Get Cas to open up and put all the facts on the table so they could process them together, and Dean would be able to understand.

Castiel nodded, biting his lip and shuffling to rest his chin against Dean's chest. "He was trying to connect with me," he began quietly, not quiet looking at Dean and focused on his freckles instead. "He wanted to hurt me," he made clear. "But...there was something there. Some small part of him that was still...human. Still my brother." He swallowed dryly, darting his eyes up quickly to Dean's. "Small kisses and soft touches of skin that made my skin crawl but..I couldn't help but feel shouldn't be there. They were too loving and precise. Everything else was rough and destructive but..I don't know. Maybe it's all in my head but I just feel like there was a part of him that was trying to soothe me. Comfort me against his destruction. Like he couldn't stop himself."

Dean tried to keep from making a face. That was really fucked up. How Lucifer could destroy Castiel and be gently and affectionate at the same time. "Obviously he's mentally unstable," Dean commented sadly. It was awful how Lucifer could do that to his little brother, someone that Cas might have even looked up to before he was old enough to know better. Dean could finally understand just how bad things were for Cas, how bad they'd been his entire life. The people who were supposed to support him and love him and care for him only wanted to hurt him, and that had clearly affected Castiel's life very badly.

Castiel nodded. "Well mental illness does run in family," he said, trying make a joke but it kinda backfired with just how true his words actually were. His smile faltered and he cleared his throat, looking away, embarrassed. "H-He'd even whisper to me," Castiel continued, he might as well tell Dean everything. It seemed the only way to get through this. Tell him everything and push it behind them. Never speak of it again. "Tell me I was his bitch. His. And only his," he said, barely above a breath in the silence of the room. "I guess that's prison talk or somethin'," he shrugged, not really understanding what Lucifer had meant by that. Lucifer would never want him. Only in a body bag at the bottom of a river. "He got raped a lot in there. Blamed me for it. Guess this was his way of getting back at me."

There was an awkward pause after Castiel's attempt at a joke fell flat and Dean kissed Castiel's temple to let him know it was okay. He didn't say anything, just listened as Castiel spoke. He tried to put himself in Castiel's shoes, and even Lucifer's, to try to comprehend what had happened but it was difficult. Even after what Lucifer had done, he was still a person. Not that Dean was defending him or anything, but after hearing what happened to him in prison it made a little more sense.

Castiel bit his lip, unsure what else to say. "He'd cut in all the right places. Bleeding me out but in the slowest way possible." He swallowed thickly, his foot twitching from the memory of blood trickling down his thigh and pooling in the dip of his knee where Lucifer would keep his hand pressed firmly to keep Castiel's legs spread as he breach him violently, ripping the skin around his hole. "I thought I saw freedom at one point," he said after he realized a long silence had passed. "He'd undone my bonds and pushed me from the bed. I had no idea what was happening but I could see the door right there in front of me. Freedom at hands length. But...I was...crippled. I couldn't use my legs. My body still in shock from the abuse it'd taken. All I could do was stare at the door as blood began to pool around me."

Dean bit his lip and held Castiel just a little tighter, wrapping his arms more securely and protectively around Cas. "You bled a lot," he whispered, remembering the puddle of blood on the floor by the desk, bloody footprints around the room, the bedsheets stained red beyond repair. Blood everywhere, covering Castiel's skin, so much of it that Dean wondered how Cas hadn't completely bled out. How there was any left in his veins. "They had to give you three transfusions."

Castiel nodded, that made sense. Not that he'd been conscious enough to remember that. He let out a soft sigh, tension of the issue keeping himself from relaxing completely. He bit his lip and look up at Dean briefly. "He used that to his advantage. I-I was so weak, he could just lift me up by the scruff of the neck and slam me again the desk. I couldn't do anything but j-just take it." He felt himself tear up a little but he forced himself to stay collective and calm. He kissed Dean, in need of comfort, blocking out the bad memories and replacing them with something good.

Dean's hand cupped Castiel's jaw as they kissed, and he stroked his thumb lightly across his cheek. After a moment he pulled away and looked into Castiel's eyes. "Is that what happened right before Sam and me got there?" Dean didn't know how long Lucifer had Cas pinned to the desk before the Winchesters got there, but it couldn't have been too long. There was only so much the human body could take, and with Castiel having lost so much blood he didn't have a lot of time left by that point.

Castiel nodded timidly, biting his lip. "Don't blame yourself," he whispered because he knew how Dean's mind worked. He'd blame himself for not getting there sooner or stopping it all together. He was always like that. First to take on responsibilities that weren't his to begin with. "You saved me. That's all that matters," he murmured, kissing Dean again, this time with a little more pressure. Being more confident with his touches. Showing Dean his gratitude that the brothers had come to his rescue at all. He wasn't sure how he'd cope knowing Dean hadn't gotten there in time to save him and had to spend the rest of his life without Castiel.

This was painful to listen to. Dean didn't want to hear these things, but he needed to. Cas had been hurt so much in his life and Dean wished he could just take his pain and suffer instead of Cas. "I almost lost you again," he breathed, looking deeply into Castiel's eyes. They fluttered closed and then Cas was kissing him again , Dean easily moving with him and sighing against Castiel's lips. They were warm and soft, just like they'd always been, and now that Dean could kiss him again he never wanted to stop. With one final, gentle kiss, Dean pulled back and buried his face in Castiel's shoulder, arms wrapped tightly around him. "Why can't we just get a break?" He whispered sadly, "Why does all this shit happen to us? We never did anything to deserve this."

Castiel held onto Dean, snuggling against his side and holding the other close. "I don't know," he whispered, kissing Dean's temple. "But the point is we have each other to get through it." He held Dean silently for a long time before piping up again. "So..about that breakfast," he said trying to hide his smile as he tried to ease his way back into normality. "You think I can get it up in bed or is that extra?" He kissed Dean softly on the cheek before moving away for the other to get up.

Dean smiled slightly, relieved for the change in subject. He'd heard the worst of it, and he didn't want himself or Cas to spend too much time dwelling on it. "Breakfast in bed." He repeated in disbelief. "What do you think I am, a maid? Nevermind, don't answer that... I'm not putting on one of those slutty French maid costumes. Why don't you come help me cook it so I don't screw up your kitchen?" Dean kissed Castiel's cheek and sat up to get out of bed, stretching his arms above his head.

Castiel chuckled, he was still lacking in sexual references. He didn't really want to think about anything sex related recently. He didn't feel sexy or look it. He was glad Dean wasn't pushing that on him yet but he knew it was a matter of time before Dean got impatient. "Okay," he smiled, kissing the exposed skin under Dean's armpit as the other stretched. He sat up too and reached out for his jeans, putting them on quickly and holding out his hand for Dean to take.

Dean yelped in surprise as Cas kissed under his arm and quickly lowered his arm, giggling in embarrassment and looking at Castiel with an amused smile. "Tickles," he explained, standing up and searching for some clothes. Once he was dressed, he took Castiel's hand and they walked downstairs to the kitchen. It looked like they had the house to themselves, and Dean looked in the refrigerator for some eggs and bacon. "The special on today's menu is scrambled eggs sauteed in olive oil on the skillet with a side of hot bacon."

Castiel giggled as Dean tried to act posh in the kitchen, acting as a master chef would. "Très bon," he murmured, kissing Dean's cheek before sliding past him to get the pans and ingredients out the refrigerator. They spent the rest of the day eating and lounging around with Dean. They talked about nothing in particular. Just grateful to have things going back to normal. Castiel spent half the afternoon getting up the courage to tell Dean to go home. He wanted to try sleeping and spending a night on his own. He'd promised to text if anything went wrong and sent the other home with a kiss at the door.

Dean headed home and took a quick shower, and then he went into Sam's room. Sam was sitting at his desk with textbooks and papers scattered around him, and Dean knocked on his door quietly before entering the room and standing beside him. "Hey, Dean," Sam said, concern tinging his expression. "Is Cas doing okay?" Dean nodded and smiled slightly. "Yeah. He's pretty tired after all of that, so I think he's just going to rest today. Hey, I have to tell you something." Sam looked up attentively and rose his eyebrows. "There's this cabin in the woods I found several years ago, it's abandoned and I don't think anyone owns it anymore, nobody's taken care of it in years. But I wanna fix it up and make it nice. For Castiel's birthday."

Castiel spent the rest of the day avoiding upstairs for now. He'd work his way up to being up there alone. For now, he was fine with just sleeping on the couch after trying to catch up on his studies. He avoided English like the plague for now. Deciding to do it when he was in a better state. He didn't want to get angry again. Instead, he concentrated on his art work, sketching out a figure. Nothing but bones and torn off skin. The figure clawing at its own head with a pained expression on it's face. Much like his angels, they had a message behind them. Whether people wanted to go that deep was up to them.

Sam frowned in disbelief. "Dean, that's a cool idea, but where are you going to get the money for that? Is this place even legal? What about building codes and all that?" Dean sighed and shrugged. "I don't know. It's standing, the walls are in pretty good shape and I think there's some insulation in the walls and ceiling, and the door locks, none of the windows are broken... but there's no heating or cooling and the running water doesn't work so well, and also I don't think there's electricity." He knew it would be difficult, but he wanted to do this. "I've got a lot saved up," he admitted, "But I can get a part-time job after school to pay the bills. I think Cas just needs somewhere to get away from everything, you know? It's kind of our secret, actually." Sam looked thoughtful and nodded. "Okay," he said slowly, "I want to help."

Castiel spent the rest of the night drawing. He eventually fell asleep with papers and sketches sprawled all around him. He was exhausted, especially after what had happened. Telling Dean had really taken it out of him. He woke up in pain, having forgotten to take his medication and ended up crawling up the stairs and into the bathroom after fifteen minutes of trying to get up the stairs via his hands. He took his pills and collapsed against the bathroom floor, too tired to try moving again. It wasn't until his mom came home, was he able, with her help to make it to Sam's room and get into bed to fall asleep again.

Sam and Dean spent the rest of the day at the cabin, making a list of what needed to be done and plans for how to get things done. They decided to do it themselves, thinking it would be cheaper than hiring a contractor and a construction crew. Dean was good with his hands and knew how to fix things, but there were certain things that he wouldn't be able to do alone. He needed to figure out what was going on with the electricity and the wiring, and also fix the plumbing and install a generator and water heater, and ceiling fan. The cabin was small enough that it wasn't even really worth having air conditioning or heating, when a simple woodstove or pellet stove would do the trick. As for cooling, they could improve the insulation in the walls and it would probably stay pretty cool inside with the ceiling fan, but that wasn't a huge concern. Dean was excited.

Castiel spent most of Sunday asleep. He woke up a few times when his mom gave him food or more painkillers but other than that he didn't do much. He went for a walk down the street, trying out his legs a bit more, Amber following along behind for moral support. That didn't go too bad. With medication he was able to function pretty normally but it did make him exhausted and flat out tired. He went back to bed and didn't wake up again until Monday morning, debating whether he should give school another shot.

On Monday morning, Dean quickly got ready for school and got Sam in the car, and then he drove right to Castiel's house. It was early still, and Dean didn't know if Cas was awake yet, but he entered the house anyway and ran into the room where Cas was sleeping. "Hey, wake up," he said brightly, sitting on the bed beside Cas and leaning over to kiss his neck. "You going to school today, baby?" He asked, searching for Castiel's pills on the nightstand.

"I don't know," he shrugged. "You gonna make it worth my while?" After Friday's events he wasn't sure whether he wanted to relive that again. "You gotta buy me a chocolate milk and be my partner for drama then I'll come," he haggled with a smirk, knowing Dean would say yes anyhow. He just wanted to get free milk out of the deal. He made to stand up but found his legs were a bit wobbly. He grimaced, sitting back down on the bed and taking a deep breath. He took the painkillers out from his nightstand draw after Dean's failed attempts looking for it. He popped two in his mouth a dry swallowed them, putting the container in his pocket and tried standing up again.

"Deal," Dean said with an answering smirk, and then watched as Cas tried to get out of bed. "You don't have to go if you're still feeling like crap," Dean told him worriedly, "I don't want you to pass out and fall down a flight of stairs or anything. Are you sure you don't want to stay home another day?" Cas looked a little better than yesterday, there was more color in his cheeks and he looked more rested, but his face was tense with pain and discomfort.

Castiel shook his head, "No. I want to go. I can't keep putting it off, y'know?" He stood up with the help of Dean's support, his hand holding onto his arm just in case. He patted his pocket, just to make sure the pills were in there before walking with Dean down the stairs. It was painful to do but he managed it. Now that the doctors had given him lighter medication, the pain was becoming more evident. They'd told him it was to help him ween his way back off the drugs and get back to normal. That he could understand but he was still finding it hard to walk and the drugs weren't as effective anymore. He found his mom at the bottom of the stairs, looking like she was about off out herself before she handed a walking stick to Castiel. He looked at it curiously and tried not to laugh. Yup. Definitely wasn't going to get bullied with that thing. "No thanks, mom. I'll be fine," he said with an uneasy smile.

Dean nodded. "Okay, but if you're in too much pain you should go to the nurse and lie down." Dean walked Cas down the stairs and greeted Cas' mom by the door, smirking slightly at the walking stick. "Come on, old man, we're gonna be late." He said, tugging lightly on Castiel's arm to get him outside. "Bye, Katherine," he called, "I'll take good care of him." Dean threw his arm around Castiel's neck and kissed his cheek. "I will," he promised Cas quietly as they went outside. When they got in the car, Sam smiled at Cas. "Hey!" He greeted eagerly, leaning forward from the back seat, "Cas, you already look so much better."

Castiel was glad Dean wasn't going to be an ass and make him use the damn thing. He waved goodbye to his mom and joined Dean out to his car to see Sam already sitting there. "Hey, Sammy," he smiled slightly. "Thanks." He sat in the front seat and turned around to look at Sam. "You doing good? You and Ruby?" he asked, not having heard much from them since the party. He wondered whether Dean had talked to Sam that much about it since then either seeing as he'd been with him pretty much since the hospital.

Dean bit his lip guiltily. He hadn't even bothered to ask about Sam and Ruby when he'd been so busy with Cas. He met Sam's eyes in the rearview apologetically, but Sam only shrugged and brushed it off. "Yeah, we're good. I haven't seen her in a few days, though, but everything's good with us. I'm just glad the pregnancy was a false alarm." Sam actually thought that it had brought them closer together, in a way. They had been nothing but honest with each other ever since, and their relationship was good. They pulled up to school and Dean parked the car, hesitating a moment before turning the engine off. "Ready?" He asked Cas.

"Ready as I'll ever be," Castiel commented nervously, giving Dean an anxious look. He got out the car and clung to it a bit in support as he dragged his sore legs out the car. He managed to walk half way around the car to sit on the hood. It was still early and Castiel needed a smoke before heading inside to all the gossip he'd unleashed just a few days ago. He lit a cigarette and inhaled on it slowly, letting his body relax and tried to drain some of the tension out of his pained legs.

Sam watched Castiel get out of the car, and he gave his brother a worried look when Castiel's back was turned, and Dean shrugged helplessly and went to sit beside Cas on the hood of the Impala. "So," Dean said awkwardly, "I guess everyone kind of knows what happened now, right?" Dean watched Castiel lower his cigarette and blow smoke out of his mouth. "I mean, I really don't think anyone's gonna give you trouble for it, you'll probably just get a lot of unwanted attention."

Castiel listened to Dean and nodded, looking down at the small orange flame at the tip of cigarette. "It's better this way," he nodded. "Besides my mother, yourself and Sammy. No one knows I was raped." He took enough puff before continuing, taking his time as he spoke. "Everyone knows the bare minimum. I was stabbed. My brother tried to kill me. This way everyone's fixated on that and not trying to poke holes in the story and find out more. Like the stuff that matters." He took another drag before offering the cigarette to Dean, blowing smoke out his nose steadily.

Dean took the offered cigarette and took a drag, holding it for a moment before blowing it out. The wind blew it towards Sam, and he made a face and shoved Dean. "Gross, Dean," he complained, "I'm gonna smell like a pimp now." Dean rolled his eyes. "You wish you could smell like a pimp," he muttered, earning him another shove which he ignored and simply blew more smoke towards his brother. "I'm gonna get lung cancer from second hand smoke, you guys," he muttered, and Dean flipped him off. "Yeah, you're right," he said, "Nobody has to know what really happened. But what about your hair...?"

"My brother had scratched at my scalp when I tried to get away," he lied, making up a story if anyone asked. "The doctors needed to clean and examine the wounds and they couldn't do that with my hair in the way so they shaved it. It grows back unevenly and this is the result." He wasn't sure if people would believe that but it would have to do. He was past the point of caring anymore. He took back his cigarette and finished what was left, stubbing the end out on the ground as he slipped off the hood of the car, trying not to wince as he did so.

Dean nodded in agreement. "Sounds like a plan," he agreed, sliding off the car beside Cas and grabbed Sam's backpack strap, pulling his little brother off the car and towards the school with them. "Just don't overdo it on your first day back, alright? I'm pretty sure that none of the teachers are gonna fuck with you if they've found out what happened, so it'll probably be fine." As they approached the school, Dean could already feel the stares and hear the whispers, worse than last time, but he ignored it all and looked straight ahead, hoping Cas would do the same.

Castiel stood between the two brothers as they walked into school, feeling protected by them and not caring what anyone else thought. He was fed up of doing that. After being with Dean for so long he'd managed to tone down his paranoia, being more confident and assertive. He took Dean's hand and walked with him to the cafeteria with Sam trailing along behind them. "You owe me a chocolate milk, mister," Castiel poked, grinning brightly up at Dean.

Dean smiled at Cas and elbowed him playfully in the ribs. "Yeah," he agreed with a sigh, pulling some money out of his pocket. The cafeteria wasn't as busy as it would be around lunch time but there were still quite a few people in there getting breakfast. "Do you want anything else or is it just the chocolate milk?" He asked. A few guys sitting at a table across the room were all staring at them, and they quickly looked away when Dean glanced over at them. He clenched his jaw and looked away, but that wasn't the only group looking at them. Dean wondered if he should maybe get on a table and start dancing or something ridiculous to distract everyone from Cas.

"If I play my cards right d'ya think I can get a bacon roll outta ya as well?" he asked innocently, pressing a soft kiss to Dean's cheek. He didn't care that he could feel people staring at them. He was half tempted to go sit with them and see what they'd do then. Probably just continue to stare. Seriously, did no one have anything better to do? He look over at Sam and grinned. "You want anything, bro? Dean's paying," he grinned slyly, squeezing Dean's arm lightly.

Dean rolled his eyes. "I'm not made of money, honey," He said with an amused, exasperated smile. "I'll have some waffles," Sam announced, and Dean sighed and pulled out more money. He ordered their food and then Dean looked around for a table. He spotted Anna sitting with some girls from her art class and nodded in that direction. "Wanna go sit with them?" He asked Cas. "Or we could find an empty table, I think there's one in the back corner."

Castiel grinned, kissing Dean's cheek again. "Thanks, kitten," he murmured, taking his chocolate milk and bacon roll and looking around before turning back to the Winchester's with a soft smile. "Nah. I wanna eat with my brothers. Feels like forever since we've done that." He started walking slowly over to the table, knowing Dean and Sam would catch him up as he went at snails pace to sit down. Trying to not strain anything. He sat down at the table and took a bite into his roll and hummed happily. Finally. Good food. He sure had missed this.

Sam and Dean followed Cas to the back table and sat down with him, Sam digging into his waffles. He hadn't even put syrup on them, which was weird, but Sam claimed he didn't want to eat all that sugar so early in the morning. Dean, on the other hand, was enjoying a plate of pancakes smothered in butter and syrup and drinking juice out of a bottle. Cas seemed happier and more at ease than Dean expected, he actually almost seemed like himself. Dean was so relieved.

It was just when Castiel had finished his roll and was piercing his straw into his milk when he heard someone call out his name. He tensed, looking around to see Ash, Dean's old friend coming towards him. He tried to ignore him and went back to his milk but the guy came and sat right next to him on the bench and clapped an arm around Castiel's shoulder making him jump and tense. "Some story, bro," Ash scoffed disbelievingly. "Shame it ain't real. You're probably just looking for attention..." Castiel knew it was a trap. Could feel it in the tone of his voice. So he did the right thing - instead of punching the guy in the mouth - he shuffled away out of his reach and kept drinking his milk.

Dean stiffened and glared at Ash as he sat down beside Cas. He couldn't believe he used to be friends with this guy, and he was exactly the same as he was back when Dean hung out with him and his other loser friends. "Get out of here, Ash," Dean warned quietly, glaring hard at him. Dean didn't like the way Ash draped his arm over Castiel's shoulders, it was too reminiscent of the days when Cas had been bullied by him.

Ash raised his arms up in an innocent gesture. "Hey, it's cool. I'm just saying I don't believe his story is all. So unrealistic," he drawled. Castiel slowly pushed his cartoon of milk a few inches away so when he swiped at Ash his milk wouldn't spill. "You want me to demonstrate how realistic it can be you sick piece of shit?" Castiel said eerily calmly, his hands tugging sharply at Ash's hair as he had him out of his seat and pinned to the ground.

Dean leapt to his feet the instant Cas knocked Ash to the ground, and people at other tables stood up from their seats to watch what was happening. Dean didn't want a fight to break out, because while Cas was a good fighter he was still really weak from the injuries and the blood loss and Dean didn't want him to get hurt anymore. He ran around the table and grabbed Castiel's arm. "Cas, get off him, let him up." Dean glared at Ash the whole time. Sam stood by uncertainly, ready to jump in if needed.

Castiel looked confused when Dean stopped him from hurting Ash. The boy had done nothing but taunt and abuse him and he finally had a reason to get his own back and Dean was stopping him. He stumbled to his feet and went into Dean's arms, hiding his face in the other's chest. He could practically feel Ash's smug smile. "Well, that was anticlimactic," Ash said with a smirk, glaring back at Dean.

Dean's arms went around Castiel automatically and he stared at Ash over Castiel's shoulder. "Cas, go with Sam," he whispered, not breaking eye contact with Ash as he gently pushed Cas over towards Sam. "I'll handle this." Dean took a few steps forward until he was right in Ash's face and spoke quietly, aware that many people were watching and waiting for a fight to break out. "What's your point?" He asked through clenched teeth, staring coldly at Ash. "You have no idea what Cas has been through. The last thing he needs is you fucking with him."

Castiel wanted to stop Dean, wanted to fight Ash himself but he didn't want to argue with everyone watching. He went to Sam and embraced him. Tucking his head against Sam's shoulder as he watched Dean address Ash. "No, 'cause he's already got you for that hasn't he?" Ash said sourly. "What happened to you man? You used to be cool. Now you're fucking a fag. Does he even know why you two met in the first place?"

Dean clenched and unclenched his fists and leaned a little closer to Ash, narrowing his eyes. "No, I used to be a deadbeat loser like you. And watch your mouth, asshole. You're talking to a fag right now." Dean didn't spare a glance back to Cas, not once taking his eyes off Ash. "Of course he knows, you dick. I told him after a week."

Well that shut Ash up. He wasn't sure how to respond to that. It was clear he wanted to say something but wasn't sure what. He shook his head instead and began walking away. "Whatever, I'm done talking to you queers anyways. Y'all make me sick," he muttered. Castiel watched wide-eyed, quickly hiding back against Sam's chest. He didn't want to see Dean's face when he was like this. He hated seeing him angry. It scared him truth be told.

Dean waited until Ash's back was turned before moving. He knew it was a bad idea, but he couldn't stop himself from swinging his fist at Ash. His fist connected with the side of Ash's face, knocking him back a few steps and then they were facing each other. Sam let go of Cas and stepped in front of him, just in case Ash got any ideas and went to attack Cas. "Don't talk about my boyfriend like that," Dean growled, fists clenched and ready to hit again.

Castiel made a small yelping noise, trying to push past Sam. He made it to Dean, his leg beginning to twitch with the effort it took to stand. His painkillers having worn out from last night. "Dean," he said softly, stepping in front of his boyfriend and pressing a gentle hand to his shoulder. "Please. Stop. He's not worth it," he said, giving Ash a disgusted look to which Ash scoffed and threw another punch. This time hitting Castiel's jaw, as he tried to protect Dean. Castiel grunted, his legs giving out and sent him crashing to the floor with a loud thud and a harsh grunt in pain.

The moment Ash hit Castiel, two things happened at the same time. While Sam grabbed Cas and dragged him out of the way of the fight, Dean threw himself at Ash and tackled him to the ground fiercely. Fists were flying and blood poured from Dean's nose after a particularly direct punch, and he returned it and slammed Ash against the floor as they rolled over each other. Dean had the advantage for a few seconds, sitting astride Ash's torso, but Ash's hands clawed at his neck, leaving several scrapes that broke the skin, and Dean was thrown off and then they were punching and kicking each other again.

Sam pulled Cas to his feet and held onto his arms tightly so he wouldn't run into the fight and get hit again. "Cas, it's okay, Dean's been in fights a lot, he knows what he's doing." The entire cafeteria was in chaos, people gathering around and shouting excitedly as they watched the fight. Sam dragged Castiel outside the cafeteria and held him against the wall. "Cas, he'll be fine, trust me." Sam said anxiously, trying to keep Castiel out of it. Sam knew that Cas was also a good fighter, he'd been fighting and being beaten up since he was a kid, but anyone would say it was a bad idea for Cas to go back in there. If he got hit in the right spot on his leg, he could bleed to death.

Dean couldn't see past the blood running into his eyes. He didn't know how his forehead had gotten cut, but blood was dripping down from it and stinging his eyes. His knuckles were split and bleeding, as was his lip. He was on fire with anger and passion, and he had a desire to strangle Ash. He wasn't sure why this was happening all of the sudden, because normally things like what Ash had said would just piss him off, not cause him to want to murder him. He couldn't even think straight, he was so blinded by anger. His entire body was buzzing with adrenalin, but the next thing he knew someone had grabbed his feet and was dragging him away. He was pulled to his feet and shoved backwards, and there were strong, large hands gripping his arms from behind. He blinked away blood and tears and saw Ash lying on the ground with a man crouching beside him. Ash sat up and glared at Dean, and Dean glared back, breathing hard and spitting blood onto the ground.

Castiel grunted as he was moved out the way. He tried not to cry out. He wasn't sure if people knew about his legs. He'd only told a handful of people and not even the whole thing. Rumours had begun to spread and most of them weren't even true. Seeing Castiel fall from one punch must have confused the hell out of people. Obviously not knowing to the extent just how badly injured he was. He saw a glimpse of Anna biting her lip worryingly and going off with her friend to get help...or just running away from conflict. He wasn't sure. He was already outside before he knew it.

He didn't listen to Sam. He just tore himself from his grip and slumped against the floor, breathing heavily and fumbling in his pocket for his pills. He took two and sighed harshly after swallowing them. It was more comfortable on the floor. Less pressure on his legs until his painkillers kicked back. He looked up at Sam and gestured for him to go back inside. "Please," he begged. "You have to stop him. He's gonna get himself hurt."

He rubbed his legs briefly, hoping to relax the tense muscles a bit before he attempted standing again. He was starting to wish he'd taken his mom up on that offer of a walking stick. He managed to drag himself so he was sat up against the wall and out the way. He could feel the tender skin against his jaw begin to throb but he hoped once the painkillers settled he wouldn't be able to feel that either. "Sammy, please," he began to worry. "I need to know he's okay. I'll be fine. I'll stay right here, I promise."

Sam hesitated only a moment before he nodded, patting Castiel's shoulder and running back into the cafeteria. The scene that met him looked like something out of West Side Story, with Ash sitting on the ground, bruised and bloody with two teachers crouching beside him and restraining him, but Ash wasn't paying any attention to them. He was staring at Dean with a look of such pure hate and disgust that it gave Sam chills. Dean, on the other hand, was wiping blood away from his nose and lip with the back of his hand, and he spat out more blood. He was being restrained by a teacher's firm grip on his upper arm, but it didn't look like he was going to fight anymore. Sam pushed his way through the crowd and took Dean's other arm, tugging him away from the people. "I'll take him to the nurse," Sam announced to the teachers and anyone who cared, but Dean was having none of it. He tried to shake off Sam's hands, but Sam held on. "Sammy, I'm fine. It's just a bloody nose." Sam ignored him and kept pulling, and eventually Dean pried Sam's hands off and walked away, embarrassed by his little brother's mothering, and too damn angry to stay there. Once Sam and Dean got away from all the people, Dean looked around the room. "Where's Cas?" He asked, "He got punched, is he okay?" Sam nodded and pushed Dean out into the hallway. "He's right here," he said flatly, gesturing towards Cas. Dean ran over and crouched down beside him, ignoring his own bruises and the blood dripping down his face. He grabbed Castiel's chin and turned his head to the side, examining the swelling along his jaw, and he swore. "I'll kill him," he muttered, letting go of Castiel's face and taking his hand instead.

Castiel saw Sam and Dean heading back. He still couldn't get up off the floor but he managed to look up enough to not hurt his jaw. Dean looked terrible. He had blood trickling all down his face and what looked like a black eye forming. "Oh, my love," he sighed in a breath, reaching out for Dean's strong arms with his hands as the other kneeled beside him. "I'm fine," he insisted. "You didn't have to do that." He pressed his forehead carefully to Dean's, wiping away some of the blood with the sleeve of his hoodie. "Are you alright?" he worried, pressing a soft kiss to Dean's forehead before getting a tissue out of his bag and holding it to Dean's nose.

Dean tried to pull back, shaking his head. "Don't, I'll bleed all over you," he murmured, "You're not hurt, are you? Your legs..." Dean absently took the tissue from Cas and pressed it against his nose to try to stop the bleeding, but it was pretty bad. He looked down at Castiel's legs, where the thick bandages were concealed under his jeans. Sam winced and touched Dean's shoulder. "Dean, you look awful," he said sympathetically, "Really, I think you guys should both go to the nurse..." Dean shrugged and wiped his bloody nose on his sleeve. "Ash didn't look much better," he said with a small smirk, "Did you see him, Sammy? I give as well as I take." Dean stood up, feeling the ache of the punches and kicks finally setting in, and tried to hide a wince. Sam rolled his eyes. "Okay, tough guy. Let's go. Cas?" Sam offered Cas his hands to pull him up to his feet. "You're probably gonna get suspended from school for this, Dean." Sam said in disappointment.

Castiel shook his head. "I can't get up," he whispered, not letting go of Dean. His painkillers still hadn't kicked in and it'd take a few more minutes before he'd risk seeing if they had by putting weight on his feet. "I'll just wait here. I'm fine. Go fix my Dean," he ordered Sam with a dominant look. He rubbed a hand down his leg, trying to relax the muscles as they tensed when he tried moving. He looked up at Dean and stroked his cheek. "You go with Sam now, y'hear? Get that gorgeous face of yours cleaned up. I'll stay here until Anna or Meg can help me back to Art."

Dean kissed Castiel's cheek and looked at him with concern. "No, I don't wanna leave you here alone like this, people might get ideas after what Ash did and you can't even defend yourself right now. Sam, stay with Cas, I'll go to the nurse by myself." Sam nodded and sat down on the ground beside Cas, leaning back against the wall so Cas wouldn't look out of place there by himself and nobody who happened to walk by would ask any questions. Dean headed to the nurse's office and she made him sit down and hold a pack of ice to his nose and split lip, and a few minutes later Ash walked in. Dean stared at him coldly. "Are you happy with yourself?" He asked bitterly.

Castiel nodded and squeezed Dean's hand before he walked away. He turned and looked back at Sam with a soft sigh. "Our Dean's an idiot," he muttered defeatedly, resting his head against Sam's shoulder. "Why can't he just leave things alone? He's making them worse. Believe me I should know." He closed his eyes and rested, feeling a little numb and good spirited as the drugs kicked in.

Ash gave Dean a sour smirk, blood oozing from one of his teeth where Dean had managed to break the gum a little. "Well you got your faggy little ass handed to you on a plate back there." He grunted when the nurse shut him up with an icepack to the mouth. She probably didn't tolerate his behaviour either. He took the pack and stepped away from her, glaring at Dean. "Your man-whore ain't much of a fighter either. It's kinda pathetic really," he scoffed.

Sam wrapped an arm around Cas and sighed in response. "Yeah, he's too proud to let anyone put him down. And he really cares about you a lot. He is kind of an idiot, though, starting a fight like that in the middle of the cafeteria."

Dean sneered at Ash and wiped some more blood away from his lip. The nurse gave Ash an unimpressed look and then went back to Dean, pulling the ice pack away from his mouth and dabbing at his split lip with a pad of gauze. Dean huffed impatiently and pushed her hand away, not once taking his eyes off Ash. "Have you seen yourself?" He retorted, looking Ash up and down and gesturing to his messed up, bloodstained clothes. "You can gloat all you want but you know what the outcome of that fight would've been." Dean knew he was bigger and stronger than Ash, and could've easily won the fight." Dean didn't mind it when Ash insulted him, but when he started talking shit about Cas Dean got angry. "His name is Cas," Dean growled, "And he's used to fighting. He's been beaten up daily since he was a kid, he sure as hell knows how to fight. You're lucky he's on prescription painkillers for multiple deep stab wounds to both legs and lost a lot of blood, because I can assure you that if Cas wanted to he could kick your ass into next week."

Ash scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Whatever, man. You used to beat him up just as much as me. You're as bigger part of this as me. You think just 'cause you turned gay you get let off the hook for bein' a bully?" Ash took away the ice pack for a moment before it had a chance to stick to his lip. "You've hurt that queer just as much as I have. Maybe even more. So you really think I'm the only one lookin' for an ass whoopin'? Man, you're dumber than I thought." He stepped out of the office and back out into the hall before Dean could do anything about it. Castiel saw Ash pass but he didn't say anything. Didn't even acknowledge him. Maybe it was a good thing. He wasn't sure. He just wanted to make sure Dean was okay. "Sammy, you think you can get me a walking stick from the nurse's office?" he asked, finding it harder to stand let alone walk than it had been previously.

Dean said nothing as Ash strolled out of the room. In a way, he was right, but he'd left out the part about how Dean had been honest to Cas and apologized, and then fallen in love with him. Ash's words had rung true and sent a pang of guilt through him. The nurse was still hovering around Dean, and he brushed her off absently. "Thanks," he muttered with a polite little smile, taking a wet cloth from her and wiping some of the blood off his face. She'd put a bandage on his forehead where the cut was, and his nose was luckily not broken, but his lip was swollen badly and the skin around his eye felt tender and painful, and there were some pretty nasty scratches on his neck, but Dean didn't care. It was worth it to do the same to Ash.

Sam glared at Ash and tensed in preparation to defend Cas if Ash decided to press his luck and go at them, but to his relief the asshole just walked away without sparing them a glance. "What if he comes back?" Sam whispered, "Are you sure you can't walk to the nurse? I can help support you." Sam really didn't want to leave Cas sitting alone in the hallway, where anyone could walk by and hurt him.

Castiel bit his lip and shrugged lightly. "I guess I could try," he whispered. He gripped hold of Sam's arm as he helped hoist himself up. He grunted a little at the sudden pressure on his feet but with Sam's help he managed to stay up right. It took about 10 minutes but they managed to make it to the nurse's office. Castiel still gripping tightly to Sam. The nurse looked up in concern and he explain quickly what he needed. She found an old crutch she said he could borrow and he took it gratefully. He looked over at Dean with a soft smile, kissing his now cleaned cheek. "You okay?" he asked in concern.

Dean looked up in surprise as Cas and Sam entered the room, Sam holding up Cas and supporting a lot of his weight. He set the icepack down and walked over to them, cupping Castiel's face gently. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," he insisted, brushing off the concern, "This looks worse than it feels, I'm alright." He said, gesturing to his face. Sam winced when he saw Dean's face and sat Cas down on a nearby chair. Dean rubbed at his sore cheek absently. "What about you, are your legs okay?" He asked, wondering if the damage Lucifer had done was going to permanently cause him pain. He suddenly felt a jolt of fear that Castiel's dancing might not be what it used to, and what that would do to Castiel's self-confidence.

Castiel shook his head. "I'll be fine," he assured, not sure whether that was true himself. "I was just shocked from the fall. That's all. Should be up and running again soon," he said with a faint smile. He managed to get the crutch in position and steadily hoisted himself up. "Come on, mister. We've got drama," he said, making for the door. "Oh, and one we get graded on this time," he added with a small smirk.

Dean looked at Cas for a moment and then nodded with a reluctant sigh. "Okay," he said with a small smile. He wasn't looking forward to the rest of the day, and it had only just started. He and Ash would be walking around school with evidence of their fistfight and Cas was using a crutch. The three of them walked out into the now-crowded hallways and received a lot of stares, which Dean returned challengingly. People looked scared of him, but he didn't care. Sam parted ways from them, and Dean and Cas headed to drama.

Castiel managed to limp along, walking now easier since the painkillers kicked in. He made it to drama with Dean, ignoring all the looks people kept giving them. He was fed up of the attention. He just wanted to be with Dean in peace. He took a seat and sighed heavily, grateful to not have to walk on his feet for much longer. He was still recovering and it would take a while until it didn't feel sore to walk.

Dean sat beside Cas looked down at his lap, picking absently at a loose thread in a rip on the knee of his jeans. There were hushed conversations all around them, and Dean caught their names a few times but he ignored it and stared down at his lap. "If it makes you feel any better, Ash's face is going to look like a butt by tomorrow. I think I gave him a black eye and almost knocked his teeth out."

Castiel shook his head. "I don't care about those things, Dean," he said, almost sounding disappointed. "All I care about is you. He bullied me for years. Doing the same to him isn't going to solve anything. We're better than that." He rubbed his thigh absently, trying to relax the muscles. "Besides. You look like a butt too," he mumbled, looking at his hands in his lap.

Dean sighed and rubbed a hand through his hair. "I know, it just made me feel better. I didn't know what else to do, but I couldn't let him talk about you like that." He huffed in ironic amusement and gently shoved Castiel's shoulder. "Am I a pretty butt?" He teased, trying to make light of the situation. This was just a one-time thing, it wasn't going to ever happen again. If anyone gave them problems, Dean would deal with it and they wouldn't have to worry about being bullied.


	43. Chapter 43

Castiel let out an amused smirk. "Don't push it," he grinned, kissing Dean's cheek carefully. He learnt his head against the other's shoulder and sighed. He wished they could just ignore school for a little while longer whilst things settled down. He was fed up of everything happening to them. "I love you," he murmured, sliding his eyes shut for a moment before class begun. A few people were showing their assignment pieces today. That was supposed to include Castiel but he wasn't sure he was up to it. Just the thought of performing again made him feel sick and nervous.

Dean lifted his arm and draped it over Castiel's shoulders as they relaxed back into their comfortable audience seats. The rest of the class settled down and got their assignments sorted out, and Mrs. Harvelle gave Dean and Cas a concerned look. Dean smiled at her reassuringly and gave her a thumbs up, and although she didn't look convinced, she didn't question them and instead went about getting class started. "All right, who wants to perform first? Any takers?" She asked the class, and a girl in the row behind them rose her hand.

Castiel wished he was better than this. Wish he could perform and do homework and be an average kid again. But Lucifer had ruined everything. He sighed heavily and leant more against Dean in defeat. He wished he was better. Wished Dean didn't have to put up with him like this. He watched as the girl did a monologue from MacBeth. He couldn't even be bothered to point out she'd misquoted Shakespeare. That's how tired and fed up he was.

Cas let out a sad little sigh and leaned his head more heavily against Dean's shoulder, as if he was giving up, and Dean could practically feel the waves of hopelessness and defeat coming off him. He wrapped his arm tighter around Cas and put his lips to his ear to whisper, "Cas, it's going to be all right. We'll get through this, just like we always have."

Castiel nodded, "Okay," he whispered back, just remembering to clap when the girl finished her performance. Although she didn't deserve it. She hadn't even performed it right. "Just be a babe and entertain me?" he said, using puppy dog eyes to try and convince Dean to go up next. "I could do with a laugh," he smirked teasingly, squeezing Dean's hand lightly.

Dean rolled his eyes affectionately and kissed Castiel's cheek. "Fine. You're lucky I prepared a monologue from a comedy." He stood up and went to the front of the auditorium to perform his monologue from Twelfth Night. He hadn't practiced it nearly enough, and stumbled over his lines slightly, feeling stiff and awkward. But he had excuses for his poor performance; he'd been pretty busy worrying about Cas, and also his face hurt and it was hard to talk smoothly.

Castiel grinned, giving Dean a subtle wink once he was up on stage. It was awkward to watch. Dean's performance was average to say the least but the fact he was trying to make Castiel feel better warmed his heart. He clapped when Dean had finished and watched him return to his seat with a soft smile. "Thanks, love," he praised with a small kiss to the cheek.

Dean blushed and winced at his own weak performance and shrugged apologetically at Mrs. Harvelle's incredulous look. "That was horrible," he whispered, sinking down in his seat and resting his chin on Castiel's shoulder. Hopefully the next person who went up would be as bad as him so he didn't stand out. "How's the leg?" Dean asked, glancing down at Castiel's thigh questioningly.

Castiel shrugged. "Still a bit stiff," he mumbled, rubbing his thigh consciously. He wouldn't let Dean touch him like that. Not yet. It still felt kinda weird to have him so close in any way but platonic. He bit his lip, thinking for a moment. He raised his hand unsteadily, offering to perform. Mrs. Harvelle gave a weak nod, not bothering to argue. Hopefully it woudn't be as bad as Dean's performance.

Castiel shuffled past Dean and made his way slowly up to the stage. He bit his lip and looked down at the crutch he's supporting himself on and chuckled nervously. "Don't worry, I'm not here to do a rendition of Tiny Tim," he said with a false, easy laugh that comes way too naturally. It haunts him just how smoothly he can change to fit his environment. To blend in. He cleared his throat awkwardly and began to read aloud his poetry. He hadn't had anything prepared and if in doubt he always read aloud his poetry which came easy to him. He could make it up on the spot and no one would be any the wiser. This is what he loves about drama. He could say anything, be anything and produce a performance out of it. It's not what you do but how you feel and it makes Castiel's life so much more easier because he feels a lot. All the time.

Dean blinked in surprise as Cas volunteered to go and walked up to the front to perform. Dean smiled at him proudly, and Cas began. Dean wasn't sure what it was, it was a poem he'd never heard before and he wondered if Castiel was just making it up, but it was good. Really good, and Dean knew what it was about. When he was finished performing, everyone clapped and Dean smiled at him, proud and bittersweet. This view into Castiel's mind was different and personal, and Dean wondered if anyone else could understand it.

Castiel smiled a little but didn't bother bowing, figuring he'd just fall over anyways. He sighed softly and made his way back down to the seating arrangement where Dean was and sunk back down into his chair beside him. "I feel better now," he said softly. "Let out some of the ol' emotions," he murmured, poking Dean playfully in the ribs and grinning happily. He rested the crutch awkwardly against the chair beside him and let himself rest close to Dean.

"That was really good," Dean murmured, relieved that Cas was feeling better after having expressed his emotions through poetry. "Did you just make that up?" Dean was amazed at how Cas could simply translate his emotinos into art, whether it was drawing, music, acting, or dancing. It was one of the many things that made Castiel so fascinating. Dean didn't know how he did it; he usually took out his anger by hitting things or yelling at people, not creating things,

Castiel smiled, letting his leg brush lightly against Dean's as they sat. He was in a good mood and was willing to push the boundaries a bit. "Thanks. Yeah, wasn't really sure what to say...it just comes to me, you know?" he shrugged with a still easy smile. He pressed his lips to Dean's as the bell went. The kiss a lot less softer than what they'd been doing lately. Though he made sure to be careful of Dean's split lip. After the rough start to the morning things had brightened up and he was pretty sure today would be good.

Dean smiled softly and kissed Castiel back carefully, wincing slightly as his swollen lip was touched. "I wanna go to the bathroom and see how messed up my face is," he told Cas. It hurt a lot, but he'd been trying to ignore it. He stood up and then offered a hand to Cas to entwine their fingers, smiling encouragingly at him. Ash might have started something, because realistically Dean knew that not everyone in the school liked him or accepted the fact that they were an openly gay couple. But that wasn't going to make him feel ashamed or uncomfortable around Cas. "Come on, let's make a quick stop at the bathroom."

Castiel winced when Dean did, pulling back so as to not hurt Dean further. He laced his fingers with Dean's and used his free hand to pick up his crutch and walk at a steady pace with Dean to the bathroom. Once they got there, Dean was able to see the full damage to his face and he winced as he watched the other examine himself in the mirror. Castiel took a subtle look at his jaw but the red mark had near enough vanished. "I'd offer you some painkillers, babe. But these things'll knock you out cold," he murmured sadly. It was only because Castiel's tolerance to the effects of drugs was higher than Dean's. If Dean took one of his painkillers he'd be passed out in his own drool before next class.

Dean grimaced when he saw his reflection. His left eye was all swollen and bruised, and his nose was extremely tender and swollen. He carefully peeled off the bandage on his forehead and revealed the cut, which wasn't bleeding anymore but still stung pretty badly. The scratches on his neck stood out red, and his cheekbone and lip were swollen and red and sore. "It's okay, I think Sammy's got some Tylenol in his backpack. I'll get some later, it's not that bad." He looked at Cas thoughtfully. "Although, that does sound tempting," he said, "Will they really just knock me out?"

"If you wanted to be knocked out you should have just kept letting Ash hit you," he muttered, carefully putting Dean's bandage back in place and sealing it with a tender kiss over the material. "You're not under any circumstances taking my medication. I'm running low as it is." He squeezed Dean's hand and sighed, kissing him briefly again, the corner of his mouth this time to avoid the cut on Dean's lip.

Dean smiled sadly and closed his eyes as Castiel put the bandage back on his forehead and kissed it, then carefully kissed his mouth. "He was aiming for me," Dean murmured, "But you blocked it with your face. He shouldn't have hit you, he was supposed to hit me." Dean carefully wrapped his arms around Castiel's neck and hugged him gently, burying his face in the warmth of Castiel's neck. "I'm sorry you got hurt," Dean whispered.

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean awkwardly, trying to find the right position so he could stay standing without it being painful on his legs. He pressed a soft kiss to Dean's cheek before the other hid his face in his neck. "I was trying to stop him, idiot," he muttered affectionately. "I didn't want you to get hurt either," he whispered, rubbing Dean's back gently with his free arm. He pulled back just enough to kiss Dean properly. Feeling more like his old self. Not quiet but enough. His lips pressed tenderly against Dean's, just enough pressure to not hurt the other as he lingered for a moment before pulling away again, smiling shyly.

Dean smiled slightly and winced when it pulled at his lip, but he didn't care. "Thanks, Cas," he said against Castiel's skin. He pulled up when Cas did and kissed him lightly. "Not to insult you or anything, but you're weaker than a wet noodle right now and there's no way you would've been able to hold your ground with Ash fighting you. Compared to you, I had a pretty good chance of beating him." Dean frowned at the bruising on Castiel's jaw and cheek and gently stroked his fingers over it. "Those painkillers work pretty good, huh?" Dean murmured sympathetically, "Your body's been through a lot."

Castiel supposed Dean was right. He shrugged softly and nodded timidly in agreement. "They seem to be doing the trick," he murmured, pressing close to Dean and just holding him. Keeping himself upright in Dean's arms and enjoying his warmth despite how broken they both were right now. "I'm used to it," he said absently, not really wanting to go down that road. He sighed and pressed a small kiss to Dean's neck before moving away completely, getting his crutch back into place and started for the door. "Come on, sweetheart. We'll be late for class."

Dean watched Cas walk out of the bathroom with his crutch, and then he wordlessly went up behind Cas and took his backpack off his shoulders. "I got it, don't you worry." He said with a crooked smile, slinging the heavy backpack onto one shoulder over his own bag. "Just wanna make things a little easier for you," he explained as they left the bathroom. They headed to chemistry and Dean set Castiel's bag down at his usual desk and then sat beside him. Mr. Singer gave the two of them a concerned frown and walked over, and Dean smiled sheepishly. "What the hell happened to you boys?" He demanded quietly, "You were out of school for days and you come back looking like this." Dean glanced uncertainly at Cas and shrugged. "It's kind of a long story..." he muttered, and Mr. Singer nodded. "All right. If you want to talk about it you come see me after class, okay?"

Castiel smiled gratefully at Dean as he helped carry his things. He was right. It did make it easier to walk without the extra weight on his back. He felt guilty when Bobby came up to them looking tired and worn out from Chemo. Having himself and Dean turn up looking like this wouldn't help his stress anymore. Him with his hair half cut out and on crutches whilst Dean was battered and bloody. "Will do," Casitel nodded. After everything Bobby and Crowley had done for them he thought he deserved to know. Maybe he could help them find a lawyer. Crowley seemed to know everyone. Maybe having him know could have it's benefits.

Bobby smiled tiredly and patted them both on the shoulder. "Good. I'll see if I can help you sort out whatever's going on, okay?" He said to both of them, eyes warm and kind, and Dean smiled gratefully at him. "Thanks, Bobby," he murmured, squeezing Castiel's hand. Dean loved Bobby like a father. He was more caring than John could ever be, and Dean realized he hadn't even spoken to his father in days. They hardly ever crossed paths at home, with John always leaving for work early in the morning and staying out at the bar late at night, or coming home and falling asleep early.

Castiel gave a small smile to Bobby and watched as he left to set up at the front of the class. Castiel squeezed Dean's hand back and pressed a timid kiss to the knuckles. He heard some girl scoff lightly in annoyance and complain to her friend that Dean and Castiel were always on each other and it disgusted her. Castiel blushed red and dropped Dean's hand, trying to hide behind his hand as he curled his body towards the wall and tried to hide away like he used to. He knew he should just ignore her but it made him feel self-concious and paranoid. He bit his lip and tried to hide in his studies.

Dean heard the girl too, which explained Castiel's odd reaction of embarrassment and the way he pulled back and shrunk into himself, and Dean lowered his hand and sat back in his own seat, not wanting Cas to feel uncomfortable with him. Dean wasn't offended by what the girl had said, because he wasn't ashamed of Castiel, but he didn't like it because it clearly affected Cas in a bad way. Dean looked at her with a cocky smile. "Yeah? At least I don't give blowjobs to half the school behind the bleachers." He said, referring to the rumors that had gone around about this particular girl. Dean had forgotten her name, but she had a different boyfriend every week and a bad reputation.

Castiel groaned mentally when Dean once again stepped in, not dropping the subject. He hid behind his folded arms in the hopes of no one seeing him. The girl scoffed and rolled her eyes. "At least I know how to satisfy a man," she commented back with a large smug look. She looked at Castiel but he wasn't listening or paying attention. He just wanted it to all go away and soon.

"Sorry I disgust you," Dean said, mock-sweetly, "I really didn't think you'd be bothered by a little PDA when you've probably already sucked 4 dicks today." Some kid next to Dean snorted and tried to hide his laughter, and Dean took it as encouragement. "Do you get paid or do you really just like having dicks down your throat? How much do you charge?" Dean knew he should stop before he went too far, because now he was getting to the point where it was almost bullying, but he was too pissed off at her.

Castiel's face went completely red. The girls retort was muffled when Castiel turned Dean's attention solely to him. He held his hand briefly on Dean's arm giving him a worried look. "Stop," he begged quietly. "You're going too far. This is like how it started with me all over again. I-I can't watch this," he whispered, shaking his head and looked away. He scrubbed a hand over his face and through his ruined scalp.

Dean turned to Cas and bit his lip, realizing Cas was right and Dean was being horrible. "Okay," he murmured, nodding sincerely, "Sorry." He turned back to the girl with a sheepish, apologetic smile. "Sorry, having a bad day," he explained lightly, "Just ignore anything and everything that comes out of my mouth." His apology to the girl done, he turned back to Cas and whispered guiltily into his ear, "Shit, I'm sorry. I got carried away."

The girl just rolled her eyes. "Whatever," she scoffed, flicking back her hair and returning to her work. Castiel ignored Dean, biting his lip anxiously. "Damn right you did," he murmured angrily. "You never think. Always act before your brain has time to register what's happening." Castiel tilted his body back away from Dean and continued to read his book and take down notes as the lesson continued.

Dean stared at Cas for a lingering moment and didn't say anything, because Cas was right. That was a major flaw in Dean's personality, and he was always too impulsive and careless. He sank guiltily down into his chair, feeling all the anger and irritation at the girl melt away, leaving him feeling like a pile of shit. He didn't know what was getting into him today, what with fighting Ash and now taunting some random girl.

Castiel hovered for a moment, waiting until Bobby had stopped talking and let the class write down the answers to the questions in the book. He slipped out of his chair, crutch in hand and shuffled towards the door. He just couldn't handle much more of this. He hoped Bobby would understand. He'd go over to their's later and have a long talk with them about his situation. For now, he needed some air. Some time away from Dean and all of his problems. He sat on Dean's car, not sure where else to go and just stayed their for a long time, watching the clouds pass by.

Dean looked up in surprise as Castiel suddenly got up and walked out of the room, and suddenly everyone was staring at Dean. He looked down at his paper as he felt his face turning red. It didn't look like Cas wanted to be followed, so Dean stayed right where he was and sank down in his seat, uncomfortable and burning with guilt. Bobby rose his eyebrows at Dean and Dean shrugged miserably, hiding his face in his hands and rubbing at his eyes.

Castiel fumbled at his pocket, trying to pull out his cigarettes and managed to drop his crutch in the process. "Fuck," he cursed breathlessly, hopping onto the hood of Dean's car to keep the weight off his feet. He managed to get the box out of his jean pocket to find them empty. He groaned in frustration and threw the cartoon away. It was just going to be one of those days, wasn't it? He leant back so he was lying on the hood and looking up at the sky. His arms crossed behind his head and acting as a cushion. He sighed and tried not to think about how much of a dick Dean was acting. Sure. He wouldn't go to the extent he did with Castiel when he was bullied but it felt like Dean was slipping back down that path. Even if it was to protect him, he didn't like it. There were better ways. He shouldn't have to go to those lengths, abusing people just to keep him out of harm. He didn't want to bully anyone. He knew what it was like to be bullied. He wouldn't wish that on anyone. Not even Ash, the guy who bullied him.

The rest of the class was incredibly uncomfortable, and Dean felt like everyone was looking at him. He spent the rest of class staring down at his paper and pretending to be concentrating on his chemistry notes. After class, Dean took a long time packing up, not meeting anyone's eyes. Bobby waited until the rest of the students had filed out of the classroom before going over to Dean's desk and putting a hand on his shoulder, turning a stern yet caring look on him. "Dean, what's going on?" He asked seriously, and Dean sighed and sat back down at his desk, feeling tears well up in his eyes at the simple show of kind concern from Bobby. "Cas got attacked by his brother," Dean muttered, rubbing a hand through his hair. "And today someone started teasing him about it and calling us names and I... kind of hit the kid, and then he hit Cas, and then there was a fight." Bobby's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Sounds like you two have had a rough couple of days," he said.

Castiel heard the bell go in the distance, signifying lunch. He didn't bother moving. Wasn't sure he could make it through the crowded halls right now. Not with his legs. He'd wait until it died down before even trying to get through the school out to the tree. That's if he even wanted to see Dean right now. Which was seeming more and more less likely. He heard someone step near to him and he lifted his head enough to see Corbett standing awkwardly by him, offering him a smoke. Castiel's features softened and wordlessly took the cigarette and lit it with his own lighter, exhaling the fumes in a shaky breath. "I-I just came to apologise about...what happened a few weeks ago. At Dean's party," Corbett said quietly. So much had happened to Castiel since then, he'd barely even registered what the other was talking about for a minute. He scoffed softly, shaking his head. "Corbett, don't worry about it. I'm sorry too. I was drunk and I over reacted," Castiel said, feeling just as guilty for pulling Corbett into his and Dean's argument. "You don't have to worry about that happening again," Corbett continued. Castiel appreciated Corbett's attempts to try and reassure him. It was nice to know the boy was worrying enough to even consider Castiel's feelings as he crushed on Dean. "It's okay, Corby. I trust you," he smiled, shuffling a little so the other could sit on the hood of the car with him and smoke together as they talked about nothing in particular.

Dean nodded miserably and sighed. Bobby's hand settled on his shoulder again, a reassuring warmth and a gentle squeeze. "Son, I think you need to go find Cas and talk to him. I don't know the details of everything that's going on, but whatever's bothering you two can be fixed, I promise. I'm here if you ever wanna talk." Dean looked up at Bobby and blinked back his tears, giving the older man a small grateful smile. "Thanks," he whispered, and Bobby smiled warmly at him and patted his shoulder. "That's what I'm here for. Now get outta here and go find your boyfriend." Dean stood up and smiled at Bobby once more before heading out of the room. It was lunch time now, and Dean headed to the first place he'd normally find Cas. The tree. But Cas wasn't there, so Dean walked around aimlessly for a few moments, wondering where Cas was and hoping he hadn't gotten attacked by anyone else. Finally, he checked the parking lot, and he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Cas sitting on the hood of the Impala, and there was someone next to him. As Dean got closer, he could see that it was Corbett, and he narrowed his eyes suspiciously. He hadn't talked to Corbett since the party, and they'd both been drunk and there was the kiss.

Corbett smiled, taking a drag on his own cigarette. They talked about the rumours going around about Castiel. Corbett had said, "I don't know what is and what isn't true. I just hope you're okay." To that, Castiel had smiled and wrapped his arm around Corbett in an awkward hug/shoulder pat. They smoked in silence, just enjoying each other's company until Corbett froze and saw Dean. Castiel just smiled and draped and arm around Corbett for support. For both there sakes. "Just relax, Corby. I won't let him say anything bad to you," he assured, knowing Dean was in the bullying mood and Castiel was tolerating none of it. He continued to smoke, inhaling slowly and watched as Dean approached, blowing the smoke out forcefully in Dean's direction. It was the least he could do to get back at Dean for being such an ass.

Dean schooled his expression into a neutral gaze as the two of them noticed him approach the car awkwardly. "Hey," he muttered, "Cas, can I talk to you a minute?" He gave Corbett a pleading look, not wanting to discuss everything in front of him and complicating matters even further. Corbett looked uncomfortable and Cas looked determined and challenging, blowing smoke towards Dean, but Dean ignored it and didn't bother waving his hand through it.

Castiel held his gaze for a moment before nodding reluctantly. "I'll catch up with you later, Corby," he said to Corbett who was only too happy to leave. "Sure," he smiled, patting Castiel's back once before hopping off the car. "I hope you get better," he said sincerely and Castiel gave him a soft expression before hardening his features when he turned back to Dean once Corbett had gone. "What do you want?" he asked impatiently, taking another drag from the cigarette.

"I want to apologize for being a dick," Dean said when Corbett was gone, standing right in front of Cas and ignoring the smoke blown in his face. "I don't know why I acted that way, but I'm sorry. I just... Ash hurt you, and I... it made me really angry and I needed some way to blow off the steam." Dean understood that picking on other people was a really lousy way to blow off steam, but he'd done it anyway.

Castiel frowned in confusion, dropping his cigarette to the ground and stubbing it out with his foot as he slid of the car slowly and grabbed his crutch and began walking away. "Ash didn't hurt me, idiot. You did," he said, definitely pissed now. He managed to make it half way across the parking lot before he had to stop and rub his leg as it began to throb a bit. So much for a dramatic exit...

Dean watched helplessly as Cas walked away, and he didn't know how to fix this. Castiel didn't make it very far before he stopped and bent over to rub at his leg, and that's when Dean sighed and made his way over to Cas. "Dude, he punched you in the face. How am I supposed to just let that go? I couldn't let him get away with hitting you, I'm sorry. I freaked out, I didn't know what else to do."

Castiel stood as soon as Dean came near him. There was no way he was going to stay bent over with Dean being so close. The thought alone made him feel sick. "You could have stopped. You could be a man and apologize for letting things get out of hand. One punch I could understand. It's a reflex thing. I'd get that. But no. You just kept hitting him. And now look at yourself. You screwed up Dean. I don't think I can be around you until you learn to work out who you wanna be. Because right now. I feel like I'm looking at the bully that used to push my into lockers with his so called 'friends'. And that scares me. I can't be around someone I'm supposed to love and trust but instead just scares the crap outta me." After Castiel's rant he was out of breath and looking down at the floor. He took off his necklace, putting the pick in Dean's hand carefully. "Think about who you are right now," he ordered gently, finally looking Dean in the eyes. "And I mean really think. Think about whether this is who you want to be or not. Until then, don't bother talking to me." Castiel was pretty sure that would set Dean straight and he went back into school and into art. He'd ask Meg for a ride home. He just hoped Dean didn't follow him because right now he was a trembling mess. So afraid that Dean might come after him and start shouting at him for speaking his mind so bluntly. Or worse, hit him.

Dean stared at Cas, clenching his teeth. He said nothing to defend himself, although many excuses came to his mind. His pride wouldn't let him admit that Cas was right and Dean was being an asshole for no reason, and it made him feel incredibly guilty that his mood was scaring Cas. But Dean was too wound up and tense from everything that had happened recently, and he was at his breaking point. All the stress and fear he'd been keeping inside had gotten to be too much, and he didn't even know how to keep it in anymore. "Keep your damn necklace," Dean muttered coldly, tossing it on the ground as he stalked away, not giving Cas a second glance as he took his keys out of his pocket and got into the Impala.

Castiel didn't turn around when he heard Dean yell something at him. He feared the worse. That Dean would come after him. That he'd yell at him and hit him and do everything he'd promised not to. But nothing happened. Something worse did. Dean got into his car and gave up. Something cold and heavy clung to the insides of his chest and he tried not to cry as he managed to make it to art before sliding down to the floor, letting his anxieties flood his body and take away his ability to breathe. He gasped aimlessly for air, tears streaming down his face as a blurred figure knelt in front of him. "Sweetie, don't cry," Meg crooned, keeping her distance, unsure whether Castiel would want to be touched. "Let me drive you home. Okay?" she whispered, helping him up and rubbing his back comfortingly. She wasn't sure what was wrong but that didn't matter to her. All that matter was that she could get her friend to stop crying and feel better, no matter what the situation was.

Dean drove away, paying no attention to the speed limit. He didn't go home, but instead drove around aimlessly, blasting hard rock music at the loudest volume possible. He was thinking about what Cas had said, and in his exhausted, stressed out state, he was ready to give up. He was pissed at Cas, because no matter how hard Dean tried to be good to him it always backfired and Dean became the bad guy. Dean was tired of it despite everything they'd done together, all the good times they'd had, but things had been going downhill lately and Dean wasn't sure how much more he could take. He needed a break from it all, and the next decision he made would be one of the hardest things. He drove around for a long time, trying to work up the nerve to go to Castiel's house. When it was evening, he finally drove back to Castiel's house and parked in his driveway. He took his time getting out of the car and approaching the house, sliding the ring off his finger as he went. He took a few deep breaths and cleared his throat before knocking, which was weird because normally he'd walk right in, but he no longer had that right.

Meg had driven Castiel home. He hadn't said anything to her the whole drive and when they got back to his house she insisted on staying until he'd calmed down enough for her to feel okay with leaving him alone. Castiel was grateful to have such good friends and come evening he was alone again after insisting to Meg that he was okay now. Not that he was but he'd stopped crying. That was enough at least. He heard the door and frowned, grabbing his crutch and limping towards the door. He was surprised to see Dean standing there. At least he'd had the manners to knock. He was here to apologize surely if he was being this polite. Castiel felt suddenly tired and fed up and gave Dean a small smile, ready to forgive him and try and move on. "Hey," he said nervously, stepping to the side to let Dean in. He didn't exactly want to talk about this on his front step, and he figured they'd be a while if they were going to straighten things out.

Dean wished he'd practiced what he was going to say, he'd run through it in his mind a few times but seeing Castiel standing here, looking tired with red eyes and tear stains down his face, Dean's words got caught in his throat. This was so hard. He shook his head and stayed right where he was despite Castiel's invitation into the house. The smile on Castiel's face was breaking his heart, but Dean forced himself to follow through with this. It was best for both of them. He held out the ring to Castiel, staring down at it. "Cas, I think we need to break up." He said quickly, before his voice could betray him.

Castiel's eyes widened as Dean held out his ring to him. He knew what was coming after that. Even before Dean spoke but the words still cut into him like a knife. And from past experiences, he knew exactly how that felt. "W-what?" he asked, voice trembling breathlessly as he just stared at Dean, ignoring the ring held out for him. "Don't you love me anymore?" he asked, sounding so hurt and so little he was afraid Dean might not have heard him.

"Just take it," Dean begged in a whisper, "I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry." He took Castiel's hand and put the ring in it, closing his fingers around it slowly and holding onto Castiel's hand for another moment. He looked up into Castiel's eyes as tears welled up in his own. The pain he saw in Castiel's eyes made him feel a throbbing ache in his chest, and it was even worse because he was the cause of it. "All I ever do is hurt you and I just need some space. I think it's time to end this."

Castiel just stared down at his closed hand. The ring inside that hand. Oh God. What was happening? This wasn't happening. It just couldn't be. Why would Dean do this to him? Didn't he know he was hurting him more by doing this? "I..." he tried to speak. Tried to plea but nothing came out. He didn't know what to say. What he could say. He bit his lip, pushing back his tears as he just shook his head. "If you need your space..." Castiel began, slowly uncurling his hand to reveal the ring. He held back a sob as he forced himself to continue. "...I'll understand." He slowly slid the ring onto his right hand and studied it for a moment before holding it out to Dean. "But when you're ready. I will be waiting for you to reclaim this. Always will be. I'm not letting go of you so easily, Dean. I...I just can't."

Dean looked at Castiel's hand but didn't reach out for it. He couldn't bear to touch Castiel now and know that he wouldn't be able to anymore. He felt cold and achy all over, and the pain in Castiel's face was too much. Dean couldn't look at him or he was afraid he would change his mind , and it was too late for that. "I'm sorry," he choked out, backing away a few more steps and shaking his head. This felt like a dream, as if Dean was watching this happen to someone else. "Goodbye, Cas." Dean finally turned away and headed back into his car. He couldn't bear to look at Cas any more, and as he drove away he let his tears run down his face.

Castiel watched as Dean left and he only just managed to get inside and to the couch before collapsing and breathing shakily. He ran a hand through his hair and tried to breath in and then out. In, out. In. Out. Oh God. Dean was gone. He felt so numb and lost without his Dean. He limped into the kitchen and did what he always did in situations like this. He took out the kitchen knife and held the blade flat against his arm, feeling the cool metal against his skin. He stopped, just before cutting into the skin beneath his armpit. This felt wrong. Dirty, even. He didn't want to resort to this. Not again. This time he'd have no Dean to tell him off or anyone left to care what he did. He could die tonight and he'd be all alone. He didn't want to die alone. He'd thought he'd die with Dean from old age, long after their kids had grown up. His entire future, pulled from under his feet. He had no idea where he was going to go. What he was going to do. He couldn't imagine a future without Dean in it anymore. Shit. He put down the knife and sighed wearily. He just stared absently at the ring on his hand and decided he needed to get some air.

Dean had to pull over on the next street, as soon as Castiel's house was out of sight. He couldn't breathe, and couldn't see the road with the tears flowing steadily from his eyes. As soon as he was parked a the side of the road, his body was wracked with sobs and he trembled violently. He couldn't believe he'd just broken up with Cas. His hand felt different without the ring on, lighter and more free, and it proved to him that he'd done the right thing, no matter how horribly wrong it felt. He and Cas were too young to make such a huge commitment, and they both had way too much baggage. Their relationship wasn't healthy, and they clearly weren't ready for this. It had worked for a while, and they were amazing together, but it was time for a change. Things had been going badly lately, and Dean knew that both he and Cas needed some time apart, some time to heal from the past and discover themselves.

Castiel took four painkillers instead of two and ditched his walking stick. He went outside into the crisp air and ran. Didn't care where. He just ran. His body unable to take the new strain as his legs took off but he didn't care. He needed this right now. Needed to feel free and careless and let the wind wash over his emotions. Too many bad memories lay in his house. He couldn't dwell there for too long. He only managed to make it to the end of the street before collapsing with a grunt. His legs unable to carry him any further. His chest heaving as he breathed heavily. That. That was definitely a mistake. He rolled onto his back and groaned. Why did he think that was a good idea? He saw Amber poke her head over his face and swipe a paw over his nose. He batted her away in annoyance. Why was everyone against him all of a sudden? He needed to work things out. Needed to get back in shape and work out his next move. He'd give Dean his space and if Dean still loved him, with time, he'd come back. For now, he needed to focus on himself.

Dean managed to calm down enough to drive home, and when he got there he headed straight up to his room, ignoring Sam's irritated complaint that he hadnt been there to drive him home. Dean slammed his bedroom door and found his iPod. He plugged it into his speakers and blasted the music loud enough to rattle the windowpanes. Hard rock, punk music. Lots of angry screaming, percussion and swearing, that's what he needed to calm down. He sprawled out on his back on the floor, eyes closed and absorbing the music, letting the sounds wash away every emotion he was feeling. He concentrated on the fast steady beat and nothing else. He thought he heard Sam pounding on his door and yelling at one point, but he ignored it and just continued breathing, unmoving on the floor of his bedroom in the dark.

Castiel wasn't sure how long he'd been lying there on the ground but eventually he saw his mom slow down the car on her way home and peer her head out the window. "Honey, you okay?" she asked cautiously. Castiel nodded, not wanting her to worry. She'd be gone in a few days. He didn't want to pile this on top of her as well. "Come on back inside. I've only got tonight left before I have to fly back out," she smiled, driving a little down the road to park outside their house. It took Castiel longer than necessary without his stick but he'd managed to get back inside. His mom had made them hot chocolate and he managed a small nod in appreciation as he took a small sip. They spent the night discussing plans, how Castiel should stick with his doctors appointments, therapy the usual things whilst his mom went back to work. It wasn't until his mom was about to go to bed did Castiel speak up. "I want to come with you," he said, his voice a terrified breath. He'd be leaving everything he loved behind but he needed to do this for himself. It's what Dean would want. "For good."

Dean was startled when his music suddenly went silent and he opened his eyes to see Sam standing over him with a piece of wire and his iPod, frowning angrily. "What the hell is wrong with you, Dean?" He demanded, "The neighbors are gonna call the cops!" Dean sat up and rubbed a hand over his face. "I'm not in the mood, bitch. Get out." Sam threw up his hands in exasperation. "Fine, whatever. I have a test to study for, so if you wanna talk about your problems find someone else." Dean stared down at his hands and muttered, "I dumped Cas." Sam stopped in his tracks and spun around to stare at Dean in disbelief. "What?" He breathed, and Dean repeated himself tiredly. "Listen, it's a long story and I have a killer of a headache, so just leave me alone. Please, Sammy." Sam stared at him for a moment and then sighed in defeat, "Okay, Dean," Sam walked out of the room and Dean was left alone once more.

It took a lot of persuading to get his mom to agree but she finally caved and said yes. "Thanks mom. I just really need time away from here before the trial, you know? It's too much Lucifer. It's driving me crazy," he'd said and she'd nodded back in understanding. "We'll have to leave first thing in the morning," she reminded. Castiel nodded, "I'll be packed by then don't worry." Apparently that's not what she had meant as she said, "And you'll have to say goodbye to Dean tonight." Oh. He hadn't really thought of that. His mom didn't know. Didn't really want her to know either. "Of course. I'll phone him now," he smiled falsely, going upstairs as quickly as possible and phoning Sam, not really wanting to talk to Dean right now. Not that he'd expect him to answer anyway.

Sam was so disappointed in Dean. He couldn't believe His brother could be enough of an ass to hurt someone who loved him so much. Cas must be really upset, and Sam didn't know what to do. He had no idea what had happened between them but Sam would put money on Dean just being an asshole, but t was pretty obvious that he still had feelings for Cas. It was kind of impossible for something like that to go away; Sam had never seen his brother look at anyone else that way. Something like that couldn't just be thrown away. His phone rang in his pocket, startling him out of his thoughts, and he answered it to hear Castiel's voice on the other end. "Cas? Hey, what happened? Are you alright?"

Oh, lovely, caring Sam. It was certainly refreshing to have someone care for him and not yell and scream at him like it's his fault. "No. You're brother dumped me," he said trying to keep his voice in control. He was better than this. Oh so he wished. "I just wanted you to know you'll always be like a brother to me Sam," he said, voice beginning to waver. "And I still love Dean. I always will but right now I have to get away. I can't...I can't deal with him right now. He needs to get his act together before I can even begin to be near him again. He scares me, Sam. And..." Tears began to fall now and he mentally cursed to himself that he'd let himself show weakness. "And I'm going back to France, tomorrow morning. I don't know when I'll be back but...just tell him I love him, will you?" He hung up the phone shortly after that and spent the rest of the night letting it all out and sobbing into his pillow. He hadn't cried as much since Jimmy died. And despite Dean still being alive, Castiel sure felt like he was mourning the loss of a loved one.

Sam bit his lip and closed his eyes as he listened to Cas talk. He stood in the dark hallway and slid down the wall until he was sitting and then he leaned his head back and just listened. There was no way to fix it this time, and Sam felt overwhelmingly sad and angry at Dean. "Cas, Dean's an asshole and I'll never forgive him for hurting you. He still loves you too, you know, and I'll tell him you feel the same and maybe get him to think clearly. I'll miss you and I know he will too." When Cas ended the call, Sam threw his phone across the hall and pulled at his hair in frustration, tears stinging his eyes. Why did Dean always have to go and screw everything up? Sam really liked Cas and he hoped Dean felt miserable about what he'd done.

Come morning, Castiel had everything packed and was out the door with his mom. They gave Amber to Crowley, knowing he'd take good care of her whilst they were away. They headed for the airport and Castiel looked around aimlessly for Dean. He wasn't sure why. He just thought it might be like one of those rom-coms were the guys chases after the girl and convinces her not to get on the plane and then they kiss and everyone cheers and everything would be right again. But that's not what happened. His mom noticed how sad he looked and patted his back, giving him a soft, reassuring smile. They boarded the plane and Castiel spent the whole journey awake, looking out the window and thought of Dean and how he wished the asshole had turned up to stop any of this from happening.

Into the early hours of the morning, Sam stormed back into Dean's room, slamming the door open again and marching over to Dean. He nudged Dean's side with his foot. Dean opened his eyes and looked at Sam emotionlessly. The dead look in his brother's eyes sent a chill down Sam's back, but he held his ground. "Cas is leaving," Sam told him, "He's going to France with his mom and he's not coming back. I hope you're happy with yourself." At those words, Dean's eyes widened and he stood up. "When's he leaving?" he demanded in a rough voice. "Soon. He's at the airport if you wanna try your luck at getting him back." Dean pushed past Cas and practically fell down the stairs, and he was pulling out of the driveway within half a minute. Sam collapsed on Dean's bed and ran his hands over his face, not able to believe that this was his life. "My life is turning into a dramedy," he groaned quietly.

Dean knew it wasn't likely to work, but he wanted to see Castiel once more. Even though he'd broken up with Cas, he didn't think he could live without seeing him every day, and if Cas went to France he'd miss him more than ever. He knew that he wasn't being fair to Cas, and this was Cas' choice to leave, but Dean was panicking. One thing was certain, he couldn't let Cas get on that plane.

Castiel sighed, they'd been in the air for twenty minutes and Castiel was already regretting his decision. How could he just up and leave like that?! He knew Dean didn't want to see him but that didn't mean he couldn't see him around school, right? Oh God. This hurt. He needed to see Dean again. It'd barely been a day and he was already going crazy. The seatbelt signs clicked off and he pulled out his phone. No signal. But that's not what he wanted. He wanted to look at his background screen. Him and Dean sat on his bike, all smiles and laughter. Something that made Castiel begin to sob uncontrollably over. God he was a mess. He couldn't stop shaking. His mom was asleep so all he could do was slip past her, go to the bathroom and hide there until his tears stopped.

Dean drove dangerously fast all the way to the airport. He was barefoot and his clothes were wrinkled and dirty, but that was the last thing on his mind. He didn't know when Castiel's flight was leaving, but he was desperate to get there before it did. Once he got to the airport he did an awful parking job and ran through the parking lot, the asphalt cold and painful on his bare feet. He ducked past two security guards walking by who shouted after him, but he ignored them and hurried to the terminals, running through the airport and searching for any flights headed to Europe. He didn't know how long he searched for, but the airport was large and he was exhausted from running. He finally found a terminal with a sign saying the flight was going to France, but the small group of people seated in the waiting area only looked at him blankly when he asked if there was a teenage boy with black hair and blue eyes and an elegant woman with dark, flowing hair and a kind face. One woman pointed out the window. "I think I saw them get on the plane," she said, and Dean ran to the window to see where she was pointing at. Outside, he could see a plane taxiing down the runway and take off, and Dean pressed his sweaty face to the cool glass, breathing hard and watching the plane ascend into the sky, getting smaller and smaller in the distance. He was too late. Cas was gone.

After a line began to form waiting for the bathroom, Castiel was made to go back to his seat. He winced as his leg began to throb. He'd only been allowed to take some of his medicine on the plane, state requirements and all that. The rest was in his suitcase. He groaned quietly and tried to sleep. After the night, crying into his pillow, he was exhausted. He must have fallen back asleep as he found himself being woken up by his mom as they'd arrived in France. It took about another hour after that for them to get to his grande-mere's house. Castiel went straight to bed, exhausted and fed up. He decided he'd start a fresh just as soon as he'd woken up.

Three weeks later, Dean was sitting in chemistry class pointedly not looking at Castiel's empty desk. He was supposed to be taking a test, but it was impossible to concentrate. He just couldn't process the words on the test and he had no idea what the exam was even on. His pencil was broken, and his eyes were aching and tired. He hadn't eaten anything all day, but lately the thought of food has made him feel sick. He was a mess, but it didn't matter. He was a third into his last year of high school and after that none of this would even matter. What was the point in passing his chemistry test? What was the point in trying to keep his grades up? Bobby had tried talking to him and getting Dean back on track, but it hadn't been successful because Dean just didn't care anymore. There was no reason to keep trying when the one thing that made his life happy was gone. He and Cas had both gotten good roles in the play, but Cas was obviously not here anymore and Dean gave his part to somebody who wanted it more than he did. Dean hadn't even checked his phone since Cas had left, because he couldn't bear to see the picture of them that he'd set as the background, and he didn't want to see Castiel's name at the top of his contact list.

Lisa had noticed how Dean had been since Castiel had left. All for the better, she thought. That kid had been nothing but trouble. Her and Dean were the best thing in this damn hellhole until that nerdy little butthole showed up and ruined everything. Dean and Lisa had been each other's firsts. They were meant to be. The two most popular kids in school and after getting dumped right before prom she was even more determined to win Dean back in time for this years homecoming. It'd been about a month and she believed the time to be right. I mean, how long does it take to get over someone for God sake. She slipped a note onto his desk which read: 'Meet me after school, Joe's Diner. Lisa Xxx'

Dean glanced up in surprise as Lisa's slender tan hand placed a note on his desk, and he followed the hand up her smooth-toned arm, and her shoulder, her flowing black hair, and then her face. He gazed at her thoughtfully for a moment before opening the note, and when he read it grinned at her and winked. He needed a distraction, and this was as good as any. He couldn't believe he'd thought of asking Lisa out before. They'd been together before Cas came into Dean's life, and she was hotter than hell, too. It shouldn't be too hard to get back into the swing of things with her, he could forget Cas for a little while and things could go back to the way they were.

Lisa giggled softly and twirled a piece of her hair between her fingers flirtatiously. Got him. Like a lamb to the slaughter. This was going to be easier than she thought. God knows Dean was the hottest boy in school. It seemed only fair that she got the best. What's rightfully hers back. She could turn him around. Make him popular again. She had that kind of power. All she needed to do was show a little skirt and she'd have him wrapped around her pinkie finger.

When the bell rung out for after school, Lisa dashed home to change into something a little more eye-catching. Once she made it to Joe's Diner a little late. She always made them wait. She was wearing a denim mini-skirt with a tight little white vest top which showed off her black laced bra underneath. She also wore a brown tailored jacket over her top. She flicked back her hair as she entered the diner and searched around for Dean before finding him in one of the booths. She sat down with a charming grin. "Hey gorgeous. It's been a while," she murmured, plucking a menu casually from the stand.

Dean smiled at her and looked her up and down appreciatively. He'd forgotten how hot girls were, and Lisa was definitely one of the best-looking girls in the school. "Hey, Lis," he greeted when she was sitting down. He leaned back casually in the booth and pretended to look through the menu, but he wasn't really hungry. He decided he'd just order a drink and some fries, because at least they were fattening. He'd lost some weight over the past three weeks and wasn't really feeling like himself, but he didn't really care. Lisa could probably tell that Dean was losing it, and he was desperate for a distraction, a fix to keep him from falling off the edge. "You look hot," he told her with a flirtatious smirk and looking pointedly at her black bra. It'd been a while since he'd seen one of those.

And he's on the hook. Took almost twenty seconds for him to look at her boobs. Maybe she was loosing her touch. She chuckled lightly, all fake of course but she knew how to make it natural with years of experience. She knew how to act how to look to get attention. As soon as she got boobs boys gave her nothing but unwanted attention. All she did was manipulate that attention into getting what she wanted. And what she wanted was Dean. She put down the menu having decided to get fries so she could eat them seductively in front of Dean she leant forward on the table, showing her boobs even more, in the subtle way that she did. "I know," she smirked. Make him work for it, she thought. He'd have to do better than that. "Maybe if you're real lucky you can see just how hot I can be," she whispered, slipping off her shoe and sliding her foot beneath his pants and up his leg a little, stroking his ankle.

Dean smirked when he felt Lisa's soft foot slide up his leg suggestively. "Is that an invitation?" He murmured, leaning forward as well. He reached across the table and played with her thin fingers absently. They felt so different from Castiel's, softer and lighter and more delicate, and her nails were flawlessly pained black and shiny and they were longer. He shook himself slightly and smiled wider at Lisa, forcing himself to stop thinking about Cas and instead fantasize over just how lucky he was going to get tonight. He wanted this. Needed this.

"If you play your cards right," she teased back, grinning at just how easy her plan was working. They ordered their food and Lisa leant closer over the table and took Dean's hand, admiring his big hands against her tiny ones. "Can think of a few things you could do with these," she winked. Their food came and Lisa hummed, dunking a chip into ketchup and sucking on it suggestively, staring at Dean the entire time. She wanted to laugh at just how easy this was. Why hadn't she done this weeks ago? He clearly wanted it. "There's a party happening later over at Tina's. Wanna be my plus one?"

Dean watched her suck on the fry and the way her mouth moved over it, those glossy lips closing over it and the way her eyes flashed up at him through her lashes, dark hair falling down around her face and framing her shoulders and chest. She was beautiful, and Dean was rusty at this, but it felt like they'd barely ever been apart. He knew that she could be manipulative and she was used to getting what she wanted, but that didn't stop him from wanting to get back with her. He'd had something good with her once and now he could have it again, no trouble. He didn't even have to try. "Yeah, what the hell," he said, grinning casually. A party might actually do him some good. He hadn't been out since Cas left.

Lisa grinned, eating half her fries before shifting to sit beside Dean on the other side of the booth. "What do you say we go back to mine and have our own party first, hmm?" she grinned innocently, sliding a hand over his arm and feeling the muscles there. He wasn't as big as he used to be. Lost a lot of weight but she could work with it. He was still hot. She smiled, pushing out her chest so her boobs brushed against him as she reached over him to steal one of his fries. "I've got booze," she offered with a devilish grin, as if her offer wasn't tempting already.

Dean inhaled the scent of her shampoo as she leaned in close to him, and he slid his arm easily around her waist and held her there, casually eating his fries. Her body was slender and her shape was more curved, softer than what he was used to, but he liked it. Lisa was a hot girl and Dean was going to get laid. There didn't have to be any emotional attachments, he just needed the physical distraction and the mindless flirting. He wanted her. Needed her more than anything. He leaned close to put his lips to her ear, brushing her hair back and running his fingers through it. "Got condoms?" He breathed in a low voice.

Lisa rolled her eyes, "Obviously." She leaned in closer, ghosting her lips over his jaw before pressing the lightest of teasing kisses to his cheek. "Wouldn't want to ruin the moment without 'em." She shifted from her seat, adjusting her shirt a little and moving towards the door, giving Dean a subtle wink. She'd wait in the car whilst he paid up. Wouldn't want to give him ideas that she was paying now would she. Hadn't paid for a meal since she was fifteen didn't intend to start now. She looked in the rear view mirror and adjusted her make-up whilst she waited for Dean.

Dean watched Lisa's long, amazing legs as she walked out the door. Damn, it'd been a long time. He left some cash on the table and followed her out within a few moments, and slid into the car. She'd always been high maintenance and full of herself, but she definitely had a right to. Anyone who looked like that could get away with anything. Dean knew he was lucky she was interested in him, and all the guys at school were probably drooling from jealousy right now. He started driving to Lisa's house and was pleased to see that her parents were out. She was rich and lived in a nicer part of town, and her house was well-maintained and luxurious compared to his.

Lisa grinned when Dean came out looking somewhat rushed. He wanted this. Good. She wanted him to. As the car came to a stop she slid her hand up his thigh and squeezed gently. "Get inside, before I change my mind," she teased, trying to make it seem like she was doing him a favour. Guys always loved that hard to get crap. She got out the car, swaying her hips as she went and opened the front door. Her parents were out for the weekend. No chance of them coming back anytime soon. She slipped out of her jacket casually, chucking it over a nearby chair and gesturing for Dean to come closer.

Dean walked over to Lisa and stood close to her, placing his hands on her waist and feeling the way her top clung tightly to her slim body. She was shorter than him, and he looked down at her, loving the way he could hold her waist in his hands. "You mentioned something about booze?" He teased, tugging gently at her long hair and then pushing it back over her shoulders. He hooked his thumbs in the back pockets of her denim miniskirt and pulled her a little closer so their bodies were flush, faces barely inches apart.

Lisa grinned, working her crafty fingers to undo his buttons and peel back his shirt a little. "Upstairs, big boy," she smirked, hinting towards the stairs. "There's tequila under my bed. Make yourself at home while I go slip into something a little more comfortable." She gave him a wink and walked up the stairs and into the bathroom, more than pleased with herself that her plan was working to get Dean to be hers again.

Dean followed her up the stairs, watching her butt and the way her hips swayed seductively. He hadn't even realized he'd missed her, but he was realizing how lucky he was that the hottest girl in school wanted him. He playfully grabbed her ass as he walked by her, smirking flirtatiously and then heading into her bedroom. Her room was clean and feminine, but slightly edgy and dark. He liked it. He found the bottle of tequila under her bed and sat on the edge of the bed to open it up, wondering what Lisa would be wearing when she came back out.

Lisa came back out ten minutes later wearing very fine, red laced lingerie. She swayed her hips and flipped her hair over one shoulder and leant against the doorframe. "How do I look?" she asked innocently, knowing full well she looked stunning. She came into the room and took the bottle from his hand, taking a swing straight, not bothering with the lemon or lime just yet. Teasing him with her lips around the length of the bottle, acting innocently as she drank.

Dean's eyes widened and he whistled in appreciation. "Damn, Lisa," he said, "Don't think I've seen that one before. Is it new?" He asked, gesturing to her wild lingerie. Her body was amazing, feminine and dainty and incredibly sexy, and Dean wanted to put his hands on her, kiss her soft skin and run his hand over her body. He patted the bed beside him suggestively and watched as her lips played around the bottle. He remembered how those lips had felt around his cock, and his body began to feel warm and needy.

Lisa chuckled softly, batting her eyelashes and sitting down seductively in his lap. Straddling him, knees on either side of his thighs. She sucked on her fingers suggestively, using the saliva to spread against her neck and pour a line of salt across the skin. She then put the lemon between her lips and handed the bottle to Dean with a wide grin, lemon still in her mouth. She loved this game. Certainly the easiest and funnest way to get a guy going.

Dean placed his hands on Lisa's hips and slid his hands down lower, to her thighs, where he could feel the warmth of her smooth, soft skin. He watched as she sucked her fingers and then wet her neck with the saliva, and then he leaned forward and tipped her head back slightly to steal a small taste of her skin before she spread the salt over it. Then he took the bottle and took a swig, swallowed, and then licked the salt off of her neck in a slow, hot swipe of his tongue, and then captured the lemon slice in his lips and bit down on it. A little bit of juice trickled down his chin, and he removed the lemon.

Lisa chuckled flirtatiously as Dean took the lemon. She rested a dainty hand on his shoulder and swiped the bottle from him, sucking the skin at his neck and placing a line of salt there for herself. She took a swig of tequila and licked at his neck, taking her time before swiping the lemon from his mouth. She pulled back enough to spit the lemon out and dive back in to a heated kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck, bottle still in hand.

Dean tipped his head back, eyes fluttering closed as Lisa licked at his neck. Her tongue was hot and soft and she made soft little panting noises that went straight to his dick, and he took the bottle from her as they kissed hotly. When they broke apart for air, Dean took a few long swigs of the alcohol and was already starting to feel the warmth of it spreading through his stomach and dulling his senses slightly. "Lisa," he panted, setting the bottle back on the floor and pulling her more on top of him, brushing his lips over hers and clinging to her. "Lisa, make me forget about him," he begged breathlessly.

Lisa was more than happy to comply. She grinned wickedly, devouring his mouth with hers. She pressed his hand up to cup her breast as she fumbled with his pants, pushing him back to lie on the bed as she pulled off his jeans. "You want me to ride you, baby?" she grinned, grinding her hips dirtily against his as she continued to kiss down his neck, pulling up his shirt until he was left in just his underwear. "Want me to make you forget all about that little queer?"

Dean groaned into Lisa's mouth and tangled his hands in her long soft hair, using it to pull her closer. "Yes," he breathed, taking another large swig of the alcohol before putting it down once more. He wriggled out of his clothes and ran his hands up her flat stomach and her boobs, playing with the straps of her bra. He snapped the straps against her shoulders slightly and moaned at the friction of her movements against his hips, "Fuck, yes. I wanna fuck you so hard,"

Lisa grinned, mouthing at his jaw and pressing her hands against his shoulders. "Do it," she encouraged, raising an eyebrow challengingly. "Fuck me into the mattress," she ordered, kissing him hard and emotionless. Just releasing the energy built up inside her. "Oh God, Dean," she moaned as she continued to buck her hips. All fake of course but she always had been a good actress.

Dean rolled them over and tossed her roughly onto the bed so she was on her back and he was caged over her. He kissed her jaw and licked his way down her neck, sucking and biting here and there and just tasting her skin. She tasted fresh and light with a slight hint of sweat, and he could smell her perfume or body wash or lotion or whatever it was that girls used. He bit at her bra with his teeth and then worked his hands under her body, arching her up so he could unhook her bra clasp. As soon as the garment was loose he tossed it aside and then put his mouth to her breasts, sucking and kissing them, squeezing with his hands. He hadn't felt boobs in ages, and hers were familiar to him. He was almost painfully hard in his boxers.

Lisa moaned and arched into Dean's touch, letting him unclothe her and worship her breasts. She would never understand the male fascination with boobs but who was she to question it. She let him touch and taste her. Getting used to the feel after being with that scumbag, Castiel for so long. She ran her hands up and down Dean's back, leaving small marks with her fingernails. That ought to show him who's boss.

Dean pulled down her panties and his own boxers, and he fumbled for a condom and quickly rolled it onto his aching erection. He was painfully hard, and he immediately pushed into Lisa and began a slow fuck, picking up the speed as they found a rhythm. The slap of skin on skin and the moans and gasps they were making as Lisa's body rocked up and down on the bed, the rustling of the bedsheets and the pleasant ache in Dean's thighs as he fucked her hard into the mattress.

Lisa parted her legs willingly, allowing Dean to fuck her to the point that the bed began to rock. She moaned against his shoulder, peppering his freckled skin with open mouthed kisses. "Yes," she breathed, encouraging him. "Yes, harder," she moaned, letting her hands trail to grab his ass and haul him closer. Her legs wrapping around his waist to keep him close as her arousal built, feeling herself come close to the edge.

Dean gasped and moaned breathlessly against her skin as he quickly neared his climax, and he tried to drag it out longer so he wouldn't be embarrassed. He came a few seconds after she did, savoring every moan and gasp that escaped her lips and loving the expression of dirty pleasure and release on her face. "Fuck," he gasped as he rode through the aftershocks of his orgasm, feeling the sweat of her skin sliding against his. He pulled out of her and tied off the condom, tossing it in the trash in the corner of the room before collapsing on his back beside her on the bed, breathing hard and feeling the fading ache in his gut. The pleasant tingling warmth filled his whole body and he savored it, closing his eyes.

Lisa lay on the bed, watching Dean move around the room. Not bad, she thought to herself. Considering he'd been out of shape for about a year now. She didn't bother snuggling up to him once he laid back down. She wasn't some girly girl anymore. They both knew what this was. Why pretend any differently? After about ten minutes she sat up and went into the shower, cleaning herself up and getting ready for the party.

Dean stretched and watched as Lisa moved to go into the bathroom, her body glowing and hot from the sex and her back slightly glistening with sweat. She was gorgeous, a girl any guy would want to have, but Dean felt dirty and wrong now that the afterglow was wearing off. Maybe that was how he deserved to feel. Maybe it was right for him to feel wasted and used. He knew he was just using Lisa, and she knew it too but she was also using him. It didn't make a difference one way or another, but they both benefited from it. Dean pulled the bottle up to the bed and took a few more large sips of the drink, wanting to get drunk and forget this ever happened.

Lisa came back out of the bathroom twenty minutes later in a skimpy black dress and a pair of cat ears. She was ready for the party. She wasn't a fan of Halloween but it meant she got to dress up like a slut and not get bashed because of it so why the hell not? She smiled falsely at Dean and took the bottle from his hand, taking a swig. "Hey," she said, poking his sleeping state. "You gotta costume? You can help yourself to my brother's fancydress box if you want," she offered with a not-caring shrug.

Dean got up, slightly dizzy from the alcohol, and headed into the bathroom. "Yeah, just gonna shower first," he mumbled, hoping to sober up a little so he could actually drive, not that he really cared about driving drunk. He stepped into the shower and made the water run cold, wanting to wake himself up a little more, but did didn't do much and when he was cleaned up he went back into Lisa's room wearing a towel. "I don't know if I want to bother with a costume," he told her. He was too lazy to actually find a costume and what was the point? He put his clothes back on and looked Lisa up and down. "Nice costume," he commented in amusement. It looked like she was wearing lingerie.

Lisa grinned, giving Dean a cheek wink. "Spoil sport," she pouted with some amusement. She picked up her clutch bag and headed for the door, bottle of tequila still in hand. "You comin', baby?" she grinned, indicating for him to hurry it up already. They made it downstairs and to Dean's car where Lisa slide in gracefully, checking her hair in the mirror as she went, adjusting the cat ears accordingly.

Dean slid into the driver's seat and then pulled away quickly, laughing as the tires screeched and he sped down the road to the party. When they pulled up, the party was already in full swing, with loud music blaring from inside the house and cars parked all over the road. There were lights on inside and some people were just arriving, and Dean spotted a skinny drunk girl throwing up into the bushes on the side of the house. Dean slipped his arm around Lisa's waist and walked her into the house, where Tina let him them in, and Dean looked around at the scene.

Lisa grinned, leaning into Dean and placed a hand on his back and smiled at those they passed. It was like walking down the red carpet. Everyone seeing who you were with, what you were wearing and Lisa loved every part of it. They got to the back where Tina was, smoking pot with a few of Lisa's other friends. Lisa took an offered spliff and inhaled deeply before exhaling with a needy sigh and handing it over to Dean. "Baby need a pick-me-up?" she offered with a sly grin.

A month ago, Dean would've refused the joint, but now he didn't even hesitate. He took it from Lisa wordlessly and took a strong drag, holding the smoke in for a moment before exhaling it and taking another quick inhalation of the smoke and blowing it out again. The effects set in, leaving him pleasantly dazed and dreamy in addition to the alcohol he'd drunk earlier. He couldn't believe he hadn't thought of doing this sooner. He offered the drag back to Lisa and leaned his head back, eyes closing as he inhaled more smoke from the room.

Lisa grinned, taking back the joint and taking a hefty drag and blowing smoke rings into the air. She gave Dean a subtle wink, making sure he was doing okay. She wouldn't want him passing out on her. How else was she supposed to get home? She sat down in Tina's lap and kissed her cheek, passing back her joint and laughing and joining in with the conversation, leaving Dean to do whatever he wanted. Not that she cared anyway.

Dean watched as Lisa sat down in Tina's lap and kissed her cheek, and in his buzzed state he found it hot. Maybe if he was lucky they'd make out in front of him or something. He took a drag off a joint offered by a random hand, and then held onto it, taking another few inhalations and loving the effect it had on him. Eventually, Ash wandered over, drawn by the smell of pot. Dean barely registered his presence, and he knew he was supposed to be pissed off at Ash, but he couldn't muster the energy to care. He nodded at him coolly and took another drag.

Lisa giggled and flirted with Tina. They knew the score. They knew it drove people wild. She stroked her hand absently down Tina's side. Tina resting her head against Lisa's shoulder, pressing a kiss to the skin there. "So hot," she heard a few people murmur and her and Tina shared a knowing smile. She was Tina's best friend. She wouldn't let anything bad happen to her and right now she was drunk off her ass. She had to take care of her.

Ash held out his hand for the joint and Dean offered it to him as a peace offering. Ash took it from him with a small grin and took a long drag, holding it in and tipping his head back with his eyes closed before exhaling slowly. He handed it to someone next to him, and Dean sank down to the floor, leaning back against the wall and enjoying the pleasant warm feeling the smoke gave him. For the first time in a month, he was actually feeling good. Ash sat beside him, bumped his shoulder just like they used to, and suddenly it was as if nothing had changed. He nudged Dean with his elbow and gestured with his beer bottle at Tina and Lisa. "Check it out, huh?" He muttered, "You still gay or is that turning you straight again?" Dean huffed out a laugh and nodded appreciatively at Tina and Lisa. "Yeah, that's pretty hot." he agreed, although he wasn't really into it. It was hot, what they were doing, but Dean felt kind of indifferent to it.

Tina tilted her head up to look at Lisa despite how difficult the girl was finding it to keep her eyes open. The weed making her tired and she'd had way too much too drink but she looked mellow, being supported by Lisa as she stroked her hair soothingly. "Smile for the camera, sweetheart," she murmured when some guy wanted evidence to remember this night. Tina just grinned at the camera, a wide innocent cheesy grin and Lisa just shook her head and laughed, tilting Tina's head to the side until she caught her lips in a light, all teasing, all show kiss. A few catcalls went their way and Lisa felt her power go up a notch in the chain of popularity.

Ash raised his drink in the air and cheered loudly when Lisa kissed Tina, grabbing Dean's shoulder and shaking it hard. Dean laughed, taking a joint from someone and smoking it, his head feeling foggy and light. "Think you're gonna get lucky tonight, Winchester?" Ash asked, clearly more comfortable around Dean now that he was apparently interested in girls. Dean gave him a cocky grin and nodded in Lisa's direction. "Already did," he bragged, and Ash's eyes widened with a smile. "You nailed Lisa? That's my boy." He punched Dean lightly in the shoulder and Dean shoved him away playfully. It was sad how well he fit in with these lowlifes, but maybe this is where he'd always belonged. This felt more like home than anything else.

Lisa smirked against Tina's lips, clearly enjoying the attention more than whatever Tina was trying to do to her. Tina's hands wrapped neatly around her waist and keeping her in place. She pressed a light kiss to Tina's forehead, stroking back her hair as everyone continued to tell them to keep kissing. "You okay, hon?" she whispered to her friend. Tina nodded back softly, shooting Lisa a smile. "You taste amazing," she giggled, pissed as a newt. Lisa laughed, kissing her again because she could before helping Tina to her feet. "Let's get you some water," she smiled, lacing their hands together and heading off into the kitchen.

Dean smoked the joint again, his vision starting to get funny and his head was buzzing pleasantly. Ash elbowed him again and leaned close. "Hey, I've got some stuff," he murmured, patting his pocket and nodding subtly towards the door. Dean nodded in understanding and wondered what Ash had, but he didn't really care at this point. He loved how he was feeling now, and if there was something else he could take to make him feel even better he'd do it without hesitating. It was addicting to feel this good when he'd been in a constant state of severe depression for a month. He followed Ash outside to the backyard and they stood close together in the cold air, heads bent together as Ash pulled a little paper bag out of his pocket and opened it up. Inside there were several round tablets, and Ash grinned up at Dean, his eyes glassy from the weed. "You just take one and it'll get you so high. I've done it before, it's awesome. Lasts like 2 hours, but it takes about half an hour to get into your system good." Dean picked up one of the tablets and rose it to his lips with a shaky hand. He grabbed Ash's beer and used it to swallow the tablet, and then he waited for something to happen. Ash took his bottle back and took one as well. "Where's you get these?" Dean asked. Ash shrugged. "Ian gave 'em to me, said his mom caught him smoking weed in his room and he needed to get rid of them before she found out and murdered his ass. Don't know where Ian got them from, though."

Lisa spent a while in the kitchen with TIna, making sure she was okay and could walk on her own. She didn't want anything bad to happen to her. Everyone here was cool but a few too many beers and people could be a bit unpredictable. She squeezed Tina's hand and smiled. "Stay here, drink some water then come through and we'll show those boys what are real party's all about," she grinned, making Tina smirk. Lisa left, heading into the other room and flipping through the music absently, finding something interesting to dance to.

Ash put the bag back into his pocket and laid down on his back on the dew-damp grass. Dean followed suit, and they stared up at the clear night sky. It was windy and dark, and the air was chilly, but Dean barely noticed. The moisture on the ground soaked into his clothes and made him shiver, but he barely felt it. "How long did you say this would take?" Dean asked, desperate for the effects of the drug. "About half an hour," Ash repeated. They laid there in silence, and only twenty minutes later Dean started to feel funny. He felt like gravity was messing with him, like the earth was a ship and he was lying on the deck in a rough storm. The ground was rocking and all of the stars in the sky grew into huge white orbs that grew and grew until they melded together and drowned everything out, and then it all faded into sparkling colors and then back to the dark sky. He blinked and laughed drunkenly, reaching his hands up as if he could touch the sky. "WOOO!" Ash yelled beside him, standing up and spinning around rapidly on the grass. He fell down and got up again, and ran a short distance before falling over and rubbing his hands over the grass. Dean rolled onto his front and meant to get up, but instead the earth rocked again and knocked him sideways, and before he knew what was happening he was rolling. He laughed loudly and stopped on his back again, standing up and then spinning around slowly. He could see more clearly than he ever had. Every blade of grass was sharply defined, every crunchy leaf on the ground, every cold drop of dew. He could see everything, and he could feel each breath of the chilly breeze across his skin, raising the hair on his arms and it felt so good, so pure and right, that he took his shirt off and threw his head back, standing facing the wind and feeling it comb like fingers through his overgrown hair, brushing icily over his skin.

Lisa found the right music and looked around for Dean. She couldn't see him anywhere until she stopped outside the window and saw the idiot running around with no shirt on like some little kid. She rolled her eyes. So much for her ride home. She went in search of Tina and took her hand, dragging her out to the dance floor. "I'm staying here tonight," she stated. Not asked. Stated. She'd get her way even if Tina did protest. Not that the girl seemed to be arguing much. She just ground against Lisa, as she slut-dropped to the floor and back up again. "Okay, sweetie. Whatever you want," Tina grinned, too happy everything was going well at her party to care. Lisa danced with Tina, made out with her a little. The usual 'look at me. I am your queen' routine she always pulled out. And it never failed her.

An hour later, Ash and Dean were sitting under a tree laughing manically and passing another bottle of beer back and forth. Dean's clothes were soaked from his rolling on the ground and all the times he'd slipped and fallen, and the air was steadily getting colder, but he barely felt it. Dean was past the point of caring, and the drug made it feel like his blood was hot under his skin. His skin felt tingly all over, and he didn't know whether it was because of the cold or the drugs, and he'd starting having slight tremors in his hand, which is what he and Ash were currently laughing about. The effects of the drug had peaked, and it was slowly fading away.

Tina danced happily with Lisa, her luscious red locks bouncing slightly around her shoulders as she swayed. Her light grey eyes beamed innocence and happiness that under anyone else's gaze would send them falling to their knees. But Lisa wasn't like that. Never would be either. She was way too far up in the clouds to even notice Tina. But she didn't mind. She liked being Lisa's friend. They kissed and cuddled a lot but never alone. That's what saddened her the most. How the publicity took away some of the intimacy. "They're eating it up tonight. Might have to pull out the big guns," Lisa winked and with that Lisa's lips were back on hers and she wanted to protest, wanted to say it wasn't fair but she was once again dragged under her spell, leaning back into the touch and kissing the girl she could never have.

Eventually Dean laid back down on the ground, but he started to get cold and shaky as the drug wore off. Ash was muttering incoherently under his breath, and eventually he stood up and leaned against the tree, swearing under his breath. Dean rose shakily to his feet, feeling sweaty and feverish at the same time, and then began walking shakily back to the house. He couldn't stop his teeth from chattering, and his legs barely worked and he couldn't feel his feet or hands. His eyes couldn't focus and he could barely keep them open, and he felt like throwing up and there was a major headache coming on. He headed inside, avoiding the crowds, and clumsily made his way up the stairs. All the bedroom doors were closed, so he went into the bathroom and shut the door before collapsing in the empty bathtub and falling asleep, using damp towels for blankets as he tried to warm himself up.

Lisa noticed Dean go past and upstairs and Tina noticed her notice this. She wasn't sure what to think was going on there. Dean had been happy with that shy kid before all this. What the hell had happened? She guessed it wasn't her business. She continued dancing with Lisa until the other moved away, having found someone to get with in her downstairs bathroom. Tina sighed, smiling sweetly when a seductive look was thrown her way. This was always the way. Lisa would get her fulfilment, as it were. And Tina would be left to entertain the put out guests who didn't get picked by Lisa this time. It annoyed her but Lisa always found a way to thank her. That was worth the hassle.


	44. Chapter 44

When Dean woke up the next day, he was shaking uncontrollably and sweating through his clothes, which were still wet from last night. His face felt overly hot and his head was pounding, heart beating fast, and his chest ached horribly. He groaned weakly and pressed his forehead against the cool bathtub, and fought back the wave of nausea that was rolling through his stomach. It didn't go away, and he only just managed to scramble out of the tub and make it to the toilet in time to vomit the entire contents of his stomach, which wasn't much. When he was done, his chest was burning and he coughed wetly, spitting a disgusting glob of thick mucous that had been coughed up from his lungs. His throat was sore and it hurt to breathe, and the headache made him want to gouge his eyes out, it was so bad. The nausea still didn't go away, but there was nothing left for him to throw up so he just dry heaved several times until tears ran from his eyes and he collapsed on the ground again.

Lisa ended up going home with the random guy she'd pulled. Leaving Tina to clean up on her own. She decided she'd do it tomorrow and went to bed, waking up the next morning to the sound of someone throwing up. She freaked out, jolting upright in bed. She ignored her headache for now trying to work out if anyone had stayed over. She'd sent everyone home..hadn't she. She managed to get out of bed and grab her hockey stick and headed for the bathroom. She slowly opened the door, attack position at the ready until it became obvious the intruder was none other than Dean. She let out a breath in relief, biting her lip nervously. "Dean," she half-chuckled suddenly finding it silly she'd been afraid at all. "What are you still doing here? Are you alright?"

Dean could only manage a weak groan, and after a great amount of effort he pushed himself up and rubbed at his face, looking up dazedly at Tina as she stood in the doorway wearing her cute skimpy pajamas, her red hair messy and eyes sleepy. "Yeah, I'm okay," he mumbled, his voice rough and scratchy. "I don't think I can get up yet, though... feel like I got hit by a bus." Dean's face was burning, and his skin felt hot, yet he was cold and couldn't stop shaking. He felt like he had a fever, and his lungs felt thick and congested, and he wondered if it was possible for someone to get pneumonia overnight. He had been outside all night in the cold, and it was the only explanation he could think of for his sudden sickness that wasn't related to the drugs or the hangover. "Sorry..." he gestured sheepishly to the toilet and tub. He felt disgusting and cold. "Do you mind if I use your shower?" He asked tiredly, "I just need to... I'll help you clean up the house after you're done." He didn't know where Lisa had gone, and he didn't even know Tina very well, but he felt bad just crashing at her house and messing up her bathroom.

Tina nodded, letting the hockey stick lean against the wall as it was clear she wouldn't have to use it anytime soon. Shame really. She loved using that thing. She'd get competitive when it came to sports. That and girls. Girls were good. Anyways, she gave Dean a soft shrug and looked around the bathroom. At least he hadn't been a dick about it and left it all for her to clean up. That would have just been gross. "Maybe we should get you to a doctor first," she mumbled thoughtfully. "You really shouldn't be shaking like that." She brushed a piece of hair behind her ear before carefully kneeling beside him. "You remember what you had to drink last night?" she asked gently. Most of them smoked weed but the effects were barely even worth mentioning. This had to be something else.

"Just tequila and beer," Dean groaned, closing his eyes again and leaning his head back against the wall. "I took something, though. Ecstasy, Ash took it too and as far as I know he made it home fine last night. I just... I think the cold weather got to me and I'm just sick with something," It was highly likely that Dean had just gotten sick last night. His immune system was already weakened enough by his reduced eating, weight loss, sleeplessness, and stress, and maybe the cold wet air was the last thing he needed to get really fucked up. He opened his eyes and tried to sit up a little more, forcing a reassuring smile for Tina and shrugging weakly. "I'll be fine," he promised, "I just need a hot shower and some sleep and I'll be fine." He hoped that was true.

Tina wasn't so sure about that. Dean looked rough. Ash was known for drugs but Dean, she'd never seen him in their group before. She wasn't sure he could take it like the rest of them could. He'd been looking a little off his game recently too. She bit her lip worryingly, rubbing his back for a moment. "Did you drive here? You got a car? You want me to drive you home?" she offered, knowing she'd feel a lot better if she knew he was somewhere safe incase something happened. She stood up and looked around the bathroom. It wasn't too bad. Just a bit of vomit on the toilet seat. Nothing much. She could deal with that. She'd rather just get Dean home and start on cleaning the house.

Dean nodded and searched for his keys. Luckily they were still in his pocket, and he took them out with shaky fingers and set them on the ground beside him. "You don't have to do this," Dean insisted weakly, although it was starting to look like he had no other options but to let Tina drive him home in his own car. "I'm just..." he trailed off as another bout of nausea hit him and he went back to the toilet. He gagged and choked and spit, but nothing came up and he sank to the floor miserably, coughing up more horrible phlegm. "I'm sorry," he groaned.

Tina took the keys from the floor and brushed her hair behind her shoulder. "No worries. I know you'd do the same for me," she smiled, trying to reassure the guy she barely knew. "I'll just get dressed and then we'll get you home," she nodded, padding back into her bedroom and shutting the door softly before wriggling out of her pyjamas and into a pair of skinny jeans and a cream coloured vest top. She came back out moments later, not too worried about her hair or makeup right now. She'd wash up later after cleaning the house. She went back into the bathroom and helped Dean off the floor and into his car downstairs.

When Tina left, Dean forced himself to his feet and leaned heavily on the bathroom wall. He felt like he was going to pass out, his ears were ringing and his vision was spotty. Breathing hard, he tried to get his balance for a moment and he wondered if it would just be easier to crawl on the floor. Eventually Tina came back and Dean made himself walk downstairs, apologizing as he had to lean on her for balance and support. By the time he was seated in the passenger seat of his car, he was shaking badly and panting, out of breath and dizzy. He closed his eyes and tried not to pass out.

It took Tina a moment to get the handle of Dean's car. Her parents let her drive the car sometimes but it was a new model to Dean's classic Impala so it took a while to get used to running her smoothly. She drove Dean home, parking his car for him. Luckily he didn't live too far away and she could walk home from here. "Just take care of yourself, Dean," she said worryingly. She just hoped whatever had happened with him and that shy guy from the play hadn't ruined him for good.

Dean thanked Tina wearily and dragged himself into the house. Sam was in the kitchen making lunch and he dropped a knife on the floor with a loud clatter when he saw Dean, the noise causing Dean o flinch and hold his head. Sam hurried over and grabbed his arms to keep him on his feet. "Dean, what's wrong with you?" He demanded, "You smell like pot. And beer. What the hell did you do?" Dean groaned weakly and sagged against Sam, coughing thickly. Sam's hand was cool on his hot skin as it felt his forehead and pushed back his dirty, too-long hair. "You have a fever, Dean," he said in concern, and Dean weakly pushed his hands away. "I'm gonna take a shower," he mumbled, stumbling towards the stairs.

Sam watched as Dean went upstairs and bit his lip anxiously, shaking his head. The guy seriously needed to get his shit together. He hadn't even bothered trying to contact Castiel after failing to stop him at the airport. Castiel had text Sam a lot. He'd been good to his word and kept in touch whilst still keep things distant and casual. Sam liked him. He loved his brother, that much was clear and he just wished Dean would get it together and show Castiel that too. If all his moping and self-destruction weren't obvious enough, Dean was still in love with him. Sam went upstairs and tried to find all the blankets he could. He remembered when Castiel had taken care of Dean before and had told him what to do. He put the blankets on Dean's bed and got some water and aspirin from downstairs. He was sure there was something else but he couldn't think what. He was half tempted to ask Castiel but he didn't want to worry the boy anymore. He seemed to be doing well. He needed that after everything that had happened. Instead he sent his weekly text to Castiel, reminding him that Dean loved him too. Even if he was too stubborn to admit it.

Dean somehow made it up the stairs and into the bathroom, and he was exhausted by the time he was in the shower with hot water beating down on his head and shoulders. His entire body ached and he was covered in dirt and sweat and grass stains, and he stood under the water for a while, too tired to move. He washed his hair clumsily, and when he was done showering he felt a little better, the steam already helping his lungs and soothing his aching muscles

Sam was waiting for Dean in his room. He wanted to make sure he was okay and keep him up to date with Castiel. He had a right to know even if he pretended he didn't want to know. He got out a postcard from his back pocket that arrived today. It'd been sent almost a week ago but the fact that even after a month Castiel kept writing to them had to mean something, right? Anyways, Sam always wrote back. They were still friends after all. After everything that had happened he couldn't just let Castiel go because he was supposed to be on his brother's side.

Dean shuffled back into his bedroom wearing a towel, shivering as the cold air from outside of the steamed up bathroom hit his damp skin. Sam was in there, and Dean forced a small smile for his brother and put on his warmest pajamas and two pairs of socks, a knit hat, and a hooded sweatshirt. He crawled into bed shivering, and coughed wetly again. No matter how much he coughed, he couldn't seem to get the horrible fluid out of his lungs, and his entire torso ached and burned every time he breathed. He wondered if it had anything to do with the injuries from the car accident, but he didn't really care. He kind of deserved this.

Sam took pity on Dean and tucked him up in all the blankets he'd found. He helped Dean take a couple aspirin and some water before even trying to discuss the topic of Castiel again. "So, uh, Dean," he started lamely. "Cas sent us another postcard," he said, holding up said item like a little kid with a Christmas card, trying to make Dean feel better that people still cared about him. There was a picture of The Mona Lisa on the front and Sam flipped it over to read. "He says he's been to the Musée du Louvre and seen the Mona Lisa. Heh, cool," Sam chuckled, flipping over to look at the picture again before continuing reading. His features softened a bit and he bit his lip nervously before reading the next bit. "Says he'd have preferred it if you were there with him though. But sent you a postcard with her on it so you can blacken out her teeth and give her devil horns and stuff," Sam looked up with a sad smile. "Knows how much you love doodlin' like that. As always, he sends his love and misses us like crazy."

Dean let Sam tuck him in and wrap him in blankets, but he was still cold and shaky. He took the aspirin and laid back in the bed. He loved his little brother very much, until Sam began reading the postcard. Tears welling up in his eyes, Dean turned his head away and looked away from Sam. "Sammy, I don't wanna hear this right now," he pleaded in a whisper. He didn't want to think about Cas, didn't even want to hear his name. He just wanted Sam to leave so be could sleep and not think about the thing he's been trying to forget.

Sam sighed, squeezing the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "Okay," he whispered. At least he'd tried. That's all he could do to try and make things right. "I'll just put it with the other's, okay?" he said, placing the postcard on the slowly growing pile in one of Dean's desk draws. "And..you know, if you ever want to reply to one of them that'd be good too," he said quickly before turning out the light and heading for the door. "Night, Dean," he said sadly, giving his brother one last, sad look before heading out the door, shutting it closed quietly behind him.

Dean didn't respond and didn't even move as Sam spoke and made his exit. There was no point in speaking and if would take too much effort. He also didn't want Sam to see the tears in his eyes. As soon as Sam left, dean squeezed his eyes shut and bit into his pillow to muffle the sobs that wracked his body. He felt awful in more ways than one. He was overwhelmed with guilt for everything; he'd betrayed Cas and he knew that if Cas could see him now he'd be so disappointed. Dean could hardly bear to look at himself. He cried himself to sleep for the first time since Cas left, and that was the moment Dean realized it was hopeless. There was simply no point anymore.

Sam sighed, padding across the hall and to his own room. He wasn't sure if Dean knew Ruby was staying over but she'd managed to sneak in earlier before dad came home. She looked up from her phone when Sam finally came back in and she placed her phone on the nightstand and sat up on her elbows. "Is everything okay?" she asked worryingly, playing with the hem of the blanket draped around her. Sam shook his head, crawling up the bed to lie next to her. Ruby instantly snuggled up to him and draped an arm over his chest. His hand went to her hair and played with it softly. "I'm really worried about him, Rubs," Sam sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "I don't think he's even spoken to Cas since breaking up with him. It's like he's just...given up." Ruby knew this of course but she liked it when Sam told her. It helped him release some of the tension. She rubbed his arm and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "Things will come around, you'll see," she said hopefully, hating seeing her Sam worry about his brother like this. "Yeah, I guess you're right," he said absently, turning off the side lamp and curling up close to her and falling asleep as Ruby continued to stroke his side soothingly.

Dean slept restlessly throughout most of the night, often waking up with coughing fits or sweating and chills. At one point, the coughing got so bad that he started to choke and wheeze for air, and he had to get up out of bed and gulp down some water, but it made his stomach feel sick and he promptly threw it up. He took some more aspirin to try to lower his fever, and then went back to bed. He was exhausted, but his burning lungs wouldn't let him sleep.

Sam awoke to the sun beaming in through the slot in the curtains. He blinked awake slowly, letting his eyes adjust to the sudden light. He stretched out slowly, sensing that Ruby had moved but didn't want to wake her. He looked over to see the light dancing against Ruby's tanned skin. Her sleeping formed curled away from him and lying peacefully next to him with her arms sprawled out in front of her. She looked so sweet and Sam couldn't help but brush a piece of her away from her face as he leant over her to kiss her forehead tenderly. Ruby smiled in her sleep, snuggling up in the blankets whilst Sam tip toed out of bed and to the other room.

He went to investigate and see how Dean was doing. He opened the door slowly and a waft of heat hit him almost making him dizzy. The air felt clammy and when Sam finally made it over to Dean and felt the other's forehead with the back of his hand, he knew what he had to do. "Dean," he whispered, shaking the other's tired, sweaty form. "You're sick. We gotta get your to the hospital." He looked over Dean nervously, shaking him a little harder. "Dean," he said again. "Come on. Get up. We've got to get you to a doctor."

It took a huge effort for Dean to even open his eyes, and he squinted at the light in the room. His skin felt unbearably moist and clammy with sweat, and all of his joints felt stiff and swollen. Sam was standing over him shaking him, and he groaned weakly, pressing his hands to his eyes to block out the blinding light of the sun coming through the window. "Go away," he grumbled, his voice sounding thick and foreign to his own ears. He knew he was pretty sick and Sam was right to send him to a doctor, but he couldn't be bothered to care.

Sam sighed heavily, leaving Dean for a moment to go back into his own room. He didn't have the heart to wake her. She looked so peaceful but this was important. He shook Ruby's shoulder gently, releasing a small moan in protest from her. "Ruby," he whispered, trying to keep the worry out of his voice. Ruby blinked, looking sleepy-eyed up at Sam. "Dean's sick. I'm gonna have to go take him to the hospital. You gonna be okay on your own?" he asked, not wanting to have to burden her with this. Ruby was still sleepy and nodded absently, rubbing her eyes. "I'll let myself out...if you're sure you don't want me to come with you?" she offered to which Sam kissed her forehead and declined. "I'll call you tonight," he assured with a small smile, putting his shoes on before going back into Dean's room.

"Okay. Clothes," he muttered absently, looking around the mess of a room for something that wasn't completely soiled for Dean to wear. "Dude. This isn't cool," he grimaced, flicking away a pair of dirty underpants before retrieving the hoodie from underneath it. He handed the item to Dean as well as a pair of jeans. "You need any help?" he offered awkwardly, just wanting Dean to hurry up so he could get him the help he needed.

Dean closed his eyes again as soon as Sam left him alone, trying to block out the sun and just wanting to fall back asleep. His head was pounding and he felt sick, and it was difficult to breathe. He felt much worse than he did last night. When Sam came back in, he dragged himself out of bed and pulled his shirt off, revealing his thinned, wasted body and pale, clammy skin. He took the shirt from Sam and pulled it on clumsily, his hands shaking and his chest pounding from the small movement. "I don't think I can stand up," Dean admitted reluctantly. Even just sitting on the edge of the bed was an effort. He couldn't remember ever feeling this sick.

Sam tried not to wince when he saw just how thin Dean had gotten. He was suddenly washed over with guilt for not having noticed sooner. Sure, he knew he'd been low since Castiel left but this? This was way over the line. "Okay," he nodded, trying to keep the anger and disappointment out of his voice. That wouldn't help anyone right now if he shouted at Dean for screwing things up. He carefully picked up Dean, scooping him up bridal style and just about reached for Dean's keys before heading out the door and downstairs. He put Dean in the passenger seat, trying to fight back the small gasp when he saw just how pale Dean was in the daylight. He got into the driver's seat and pulled away and to the hospital. Sam hadn't passed his test yet but their dad had taught him enough as well as Dean that he could drive well. He just didn't have the legal papers to say so yet. Dean was too sick and their dad was God knows where. If they got pulled over they'd just have to understand. Despite his need to get Dean to a hospital pronto, he drove slow and safe. Not taking any chances. He just wanted to get his brother there in one piece. "Seriously, dude. What the hell did you do last night?" he finally asked, a little anger evident in his voice.

"So fuckin' embarrassing," Dean mumbled as Sam picked him up easily as if he were a girl. He was too weak and tired to fight it and all he could do was let Sam carry him down the stairs and put him in the car. He leaned his head against the window miserably and tried to control his breathing, and he closed his eyes and groaned quietly when Sam asked him what happened, and he sighed, his breath rattling slightly in his chest. "Went to a party, smoked some weed, took something, ran around outside for a few hours and woke up in the bathtub in this girl Tina's house feeling like crap," he explained, not bothering to elaborate.

Sam let out a fatherly sigh of disappointment, shaking his head as he pulled up in the hospital's parking lot. He got out the car and went around the other side, scooping his arms beneath Dean and carrying him up and into the building, figuring he wouldn't be able to walk easily until he got help. "Yeah, well I hope it was worth it," he mumbled under his breath. Once they were in building Sam sat Dean down in one of the chairs before heading off to see a nurse and fill out forms for Dean to see the doctor. After ten minutes he sat down in the chair next to Dean and gave a shirt nod. "Doctor should be out in a bit. You doin' okay?"

Dean shivered as he sat in the waiting room chair, frowning at Sam and pushing his hands away tiredly. "Dude, get off me," he muttered, feeling embarrassingly pathetic and weak. Sam left the room and came back in a little while. Even though Dean was embarrassed, he was still glad to have Sammy there to help him with this. Dean could hardly even walk, it would've been impossible for him to get here on his own. He pulled his hood up and curled into himself, shivering miserably and trying to keep his eyes from closing. A little while later the doctor came out and called Dean. Dean stood up carefully and gave Sam a look. "I'll go in alone," he said, not wanting to get Sam more stressed out than he already was. He didn't want to force his problems on his little brother, because Dean was looking at himself now and hating who he was, but he didn't want to fix it.

Sam stood up as soon as the doctor came and was ready to help Dean walk into the room but the other refused. So Sam sat down with wide, worried-eyes. Like a puppy who'd just watched it's own leave for the store, leaving them alone. The doctor led Dean into his office and shut the door carefully behind them. He sat in his swivel chair and positioned himself to sit in front of Dean, stethoscope in hand as he studied the other. "Okay, Dean. What can I do for ya? What seems to be the problem?" he asked kindly, bright smiles and cheery attitude.

Dean sat down and coughed, a disgusting fluid coming up into his throat. He took a deep, painful breath and stared down at his hands in his lap. "Everything," he admitted, "I've... been having some problems lately and not eating as much. And I had a rough night last night, spent a lot of time outside and I woke up feeling like this." He coughed again and inhaled painfully.

The doctor hummed in concern. "Okay, I'm just going to have a listen to your lungs. If you could just lift up your shirt for me," the doctor said, putting his stethoscope in his ears and lifting the small metal disc to Dean's back once the boy had lifted up his shirt. He listened to the rattle in his breathing and the lungs sounded enflamed and unhealthy. He sat back down in his seat, putting the stethoscope on his desk. He pulled up Dean's medical records and hummed in thought. "Says here you were 140lbs not three months ago," he mused. "Looking at your frame now, I don't have to weigh you to tell you you're not in good shape," he said carefully. "You need to start eating again. Build up an immune system because being out in the cold has done serious damage to your body. You've contracted pnuemonia. Don't worry. It's very mild and is treatable with antibiotics. I'm going to write you a prescription but I need you to come in in two weeks time so I can check up on you, see how things are going. Can you do that for me, Dean?" he asked with a smile, holding out the written prescription for the boy.

Dean nodded and took the prescription from the doctor. "Okay," he said quietly, voice muffled. Pneumonia. He'd suspected as much. He thanked the doctor and shuffled back out to the waiting room. He hadn't actually weighed himself in a while and he didn't know how much weight he'd lost, but his clothes were much baggier than they used to be and he'd had to start wearing belts, but he hadn't actually paid attention to the change. He showed the prescription slip to Sam and then stuck it in his pocket. "Pneumonia," he announced, "I need antibiotics."

Sam waited patiently for Dean in the waiting room, his leg twitching up and down with nerves. He stood up as soon as Dean came back out and frowned at the piece of paper, struggling to read it before Dean shoved it back in his pocket. "Pneumonia?!" Sam said perhaps a little too loud in shock. His face dropped, looking around before quieting his voice. "Dude, how the hell did this happen? Don't you have to have like, serious health problems to get that?" Sam was really worried. He'd thought Dean just had flu or something from being outside and drinking too much but this, this was serious. He could die. He pushed all his concerns to one side and focussed on getting Dean getting better. "Okay, there's a pharmacy in town. We'll go get them now," he sighed, lifting Dean back up and carrying him outside because watching him try to walk was like watching Bambi try to use her legs.

Dean grumbled about being lifted up and carried outside, but he didn't have a choice. He was already too weak to walk and it would be easier to just let Sam carry him, even though it was horribly embarrassing. Once they were in the car, Dean turned the heat up all the way and leaned towards the vents, trying to warm himself up somewhat. Sam was a good driver, and the ride to the pharmacy was smooth. Dean took the slip out of his pocket and handed it to Sam as soon as they pulled into the parking lot of the drugstore. "Can you run in and get this filled for me?" He asked Sam.

Sam nodded, taking the slip from Dean's hand and gave a small smile. "Sure thing," he said, still looking at his brother like he was an abandoned puppy he'd taken in off the street. "I'll be back in a minute. Just sit tight," he nodded, getting out the car and into the store. He came back about five minutes later with a paper bag with a label on the front. He handed it over to Dean and started the car and began driving home. "We've got soup and stuff in the house. You want me to make you some for dinner?" he offered, still concerned about Dean's wellbeing.

Dean took the bag and grimaced at the idea of eating anything, even soup. "I don't think I'll be able to keep anything down," he told Sam, making a face. "No. I don't want to eat anything." When they pulled up at the house, Dean got out of the car before Sam could help him and walked slowly to the door by himself, but the cold air made him double over in a painful coughing fit. His chest felt thick and heavy and congested and it hurt like hell. When he was done, his head was throbbing and he had to lean on Sam for support as he walked into the house. As soon as he got inside, he collapsed on the couch, not even bothering to take off his shoes.

Sam bit his lip worryingly, getting out the car and watching as Dean tried on his own to walk into the house. He quickly stood by his side, helping him into the house before he fell over or something. Once Dean was on the couch, Sam sighed. Ruby was probably gone by now and he didn't know what else he could do. Dean was refusing everything he offered him. "Okay, so, just take your medicine and call me if you need anything," he said lamely, scratching the back of his head. He decided he'd go upstairs and work on his studies. Do something at least a little productive.

Dean got over the pneumonia within two weeks, but it left him feeling weaker than before. He never regained his appetite and only ate when Sam nagged him to. He was fading, both emotionally and physically, but he couldn't be bothered to do anything about it. Winter was setting in, and with it came colder weather and darker skies, and Dean's state worsened each day. He continued to lose weight and muscle mass, his hair was overgrown and messy, and his clothes no longer fit him right. He didn't go to school much anymore because he couldn't see the point. Nothing had a purpose anymore. When he did go to school, he usually skipped classes to go sit on the ground beside his car and smoke weed. Dean's life was a mess, but he didn't want to fix it.

One night, two days before Christmas, Dean woke up in the middle of the night crying softly into his pillow, Castiel's name fading on his lips. Castiel. He hadn't said the name in two months, hadn't even let himself think it. He was forgetting Castiel's face, and that scared him more than anything. When he tried to imagine Castiel's face, it was blurred, as if through a fogged up window, or a windy snowstorm. Cas was fading as much as Dean was.

Shaking badly and biting his lip to keep back his sobs, Dean got out of bed and went into the bathroom. He turned the light on and stared down at the sink, and then slowly looked at himself in the mirror. First his stomach, then his chest, where he could see his ribs pushing against the skin from inside, his collarbones protruding sharply through the pale skin. Finally, he looked up at his face, and for the first time in three months he really saw himself. He raised a hand to his mouth and sobbed, barely recognizing his face. His cheeks were hollow and his eyes were dull and sunken, his skin pale and with dark circles around his eyes. His hair hung in messy tangles over his forehead and curled slightly over the back of his neck, limp and dirty, and his lips were chapped. He was an absolute mess, and sobs wracked his wasted body.

Dean suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe, like he was dying inside and a panic rose within him. He tugged at his hair and tried to take deep breaths, but his chest was tight and his throat closed up, tears spilling from his eyes as silent sobs escaped his lips. He felt trapped, defeated, and afraid, and before he knew what he was doing he took his razor from the bathroom sink and tore it apart with his nails to loosen the razor blades, cutting his fingers in the process. He hissed in pain, and watched as the blood ran down his hands, and suddenly he could breathe a little better. With trembling fingers, he slowly raised the blades to his wrist, but then hesitated and put them in his pocket instead. He didn't want to do this here. He ran downstairs and pulled on some boots and a coat, not bothering with a shirt, and stumbled outside into the snow. He got into his car and drove away quickly, shivering violently and heading straight for the graveyard where his mother was buried. He was long overdue for a visit to her grave, and it was almost Christmas. A gentle snow was falling and all the houses were lit up with bright, cheerful lights that were a blur as he drove down the slippery streets, tears hot in his eyes. When he reached the graveyard, he ran through the snow and collapsed shivering on his mother's grave, leaning his forehead against the tombstone, and he struggled to breathe through his frantic sobs. "Mom," he choked out, "Mom, I'm forgetting him... I-I'm forgetting who I am."

He took the razor blade out of his pocket and raised it to his wrist, but he couldn't get his trembling hands to hold still long enough to set it steadily against his skin. "I'm sorry," he cried out, his breath clouding the air in front of his face, and before he could change his mind he sliced the blade into his skin, cutting with the direction of the vein where he knew it would bleed more and heal more slowly. Blood stained the snow in front of him, and he gasped from the pain, but it was good. He could breathe now. He watched the blood drip steadily from his wrist, staining the snow bright red, and he savored the throbbing sting in his wrist. Cas had it right all along, this was the cure for desperation.

Two days before Christmas and Castiel was finally back in America. It'd been a solid three months getting back into shape but he'd done it. His mom's was still in France, leaving Castiel to fly back on his own. He had to say, he was a little nervous, coming back to the town he'd despised for so very long. Now. Now, he just deemed it a part of life. The place that made him stronger.

He'd come back to sort out a few things, collect some things from home before flying back out to France. He was beginning to get his life together out there. The air was cleaner, the people were friendlier. Everything was better for Castiel there. He knew the language. He embraced the culture. He'd spent the happier part of his childhood there with Jimmy. The only thing wrong with France was Dean wasn't there.

He'd written to Sam, even text him every so often. Thankful he got replies, saying everyone was well. Despite everything, he still cared for the Winchester's. With time he'd learnt his acts weren't just of his love for Dean but those of love for a family he never had. The Winchester's _were _his family. He couldn't just abandon them and not say a word. It'd taken a month for Castiel to stop crying himself to sleep every night. He'd spent most of his time at the local art college, who, after explaining his situation were more than happy to take him on as long as he was willing to catch up on the month that he'd missed.

That's where he met Maurice. He was a fresh-faced senior with big rose cheeks that lit up a room. His easy going smile made his dimples curve deeper into his cheeks as he'd held out his hand for Castiel in greeting. Castiel had been reluctant at first. So soon after Dean, he couldn't even think of moving on. But Maurice had just smiled and assured him friendship was all he would ask of Castiel. Maurice never asked why Castiel had moved. Never asked about his injuries. Never asked about anything Castiel wasn't willing to bring up first. Maurice was exactly what Castiel needed to get better.

He spent the next two months, leading up to December, going to the gym with Maurice almost every day. They did runs in the park and even danced together. Maurice was into ballet Castiel soon found out and with a lot of practise, his new friend had shown him how to dance and how to take care of his legs to prevent further injuries. By the time winter came. Castiel was in top health. His muscles bigger and stronger than before. Castiel's stomach, tanned and sporting a healthy six pack. Nothing extreme, just the faint line of muscles. His legs and arms were stronger too. He'd joined Maurice's dance club and could even help with lifts. He still couldn't believe how much he'd improved and he had Maurice to thank.

That's when he'd had to leave. To go back home to America to pack some of his stuff to ship back over. Not that he saw America as his home anymore. No. France was his home now. America had stopped being his home as soon as Dean left. Because Dean was his home.

So now, here he stood. A car waiting for him by the side of the church. Packed with his beloved Amber and other memories his mother had requested. She didn't see the point of coming back either. The divorce was final. There was nothing for her here anymore. Castiel pressed his coal black doc martens into the snow as he walked through the graveyard. The sound of white crisp snow crunching under his feet would never get old. He was here to say goodbye to Jimmy. Not for ever. He would always come back to see him, but for now. His place was in France and this chapter of his life needed some closure.

He found his brother's grave and knelt beside it with a soft smile. He stayed there for a while. Telling his brother what had happened. He hadn't realized how long he'd been there until the peak of orange light began to rise from behind the church. He looked down at the rose in his hand and smiled sadly. "Sorry, brother. I can't taint this one with blood. That's not who I am anymore." He placed the white rose against the grave. The petals instantly blending in with the snow, signifying in a more meaningful way, a faded memory, more than reliving one with blood could ever do.

He stood, squaring off his shoulders as he stood up straight. Taking in a deep breath to leave when a small dark figure caught his eye. The man seemed to be shivering and curled against a gravestone. Castiel hummed sadly. "And so close to Christmas," he sighed aloud. He took a tentative step towards the homeless man before seeing blood stained snow around the man. He gasped, dropping to the man's aid and taking off his scarf and wrapping it around the man's wrists. "You'll catch you're death out here, mister," he said, accent still thickly French from using the language for so long.

He looked at the gravestone and frowned. Mary Winchester. Castiel frowned deeply, looking at the homeless man only to notice dull green eyes staring back at him. His first reaction was to drop the scarf and recoil backwards for a moment in shock. It couldn't be..."Dean?!"

Dean didn't know how long he sat there huddled against his mother's headstone, fading in and out of consciousness. He was shivering and numb, and he didn't think he'd be able to move if he tried. He didn't want to move. He wanted to stay right where he was and grow as cold and still as the snow, never to move again. His eyes were closed, snow gathering on his hunched shoulders, and he could no longer feel his fingers. He lost track of time and space, and his body felt like stone. He was vaguely aware of movement and a warm hand on his, strong fingers wrapping something soft around his wrist. A thick French accent washed over him warmly, the tone sounding like honey. He forced his eyes open in confusion and didn't know what he was seeing. The sky was lighter now, washed in tones of gold and orange, and his vision was filled with a silhoette. Everything was gold and bright and crisp, the snow sparkling beautifully as it fell gently from the sky, and the face hovering over him was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. "Cas," he breathed, "You're an angel."

Castiel swallowed thickly, placing the scarf back tightly around Dean's wrists, stopping him from bleeding anymore. This couldn't be happening. Dean's hair looked all scraggly and long against his drawn out face. Cheekbones sticking out unhealthily against oily, pale skin. Dean's eyes looking wide and empty up at him. Just what the hell had happened? It'd been three months. Sam had said he was fine. He didn't understand. Okay. First concentrate on Dean, then ask questions later.

"Save your voice," he insisted, his accent was still heavy and sounded alien against Dean's weak sounding voice. He slowly scooped Dean up in his strong arms and right away he knew something was wrong. He could feel nothing but bones in his arms. Dean's over-sized clothes being deceiving. Dean was frail and light. If Castiel wasn't so strong, he'd still be able to pick Dean up with no complaints. And that worried him. He put him in his car, sitting in the driver's seat he looked back at all the packed stuff, biting his lip. The airport would have to wait. Dean needed him more. He started the car and drove them to the hospital.

Dean's eyes drooped closed and his head lolled back as he was lifted up and cradled easily in warm arms. He curled towards the body holding him, and then he looked up at the face. It was Castiel, but he was so different. It couldn't be real. It couldn't be his Cas. "Cas," he breathed again, shivering violently and hiding his face in the warm material of his coat. Tears spilled from his eyes as he began to come back to his senses. He wasn't dead. Cas wasn't an angel. This was real and this was happening. Cas had come back, and this time Dean was the one who needed saving. They'd both changed so much, and Dean hated that Cas was seeing him like this. "I'm sorry," he choked out, "Cas, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,"

_For leaving me or leaving this world without saying goodbye?_ "Save your voice," he said again, parking in the lot and scooping Dean back up in his arms as he walked into the hospital with him. "I need help," he said with his newly found confidence, his voice stronger and firmer than before. Any worry he had for his ex-boyfriend was hidden. He'd managed to keep cool and collective and deal with the issue at hand. He'd finally found himself and he was tougher because of it. He'd put up a wall to his past and moved on from it. A nurse soon came scuttling over and examined Dean in his arms. "Bring him through," she insisted, leading him to a vacant room where Castiel laid Dean on the bed. He showed the nurse the cuts, explaining the situation and she nodded in understanding, setting to work and fixing Dean. Castiel stood awkwardly to the side, unsure what to do now. Whether Dean still wanted him here. He couldn't just leave again. Not with Dean like this. He just couldn't.

Dean bit his lip and curled into Castiel's chest as he picked him up once more and carried him into a building, the hospital, a place Dean had been far too many times in one short year. He wasn't entirely sure what was happening, so he turned his head to the side and gazed at Castiel, wishing there was something he could say to fix everything that had come between them and changed things. With his free hand, he reached for Cas weakly, wiggling his fingers pleadingly. He couldn't get his voice to work past the thick ache in his throat and the tears spilling down from his eyes, so he just mouthed the word _please. _He was beginning to regain feeling in his fingers and toes, and his entire body was in pain. "Please," he mouthed again, sobbing silently. His hand trembled, and all he wanted was for Cas to hold it once more.

Castiel looked down at Dean with soft eyes. Despite everything. All the heartache and pain Dean had put him through. He'd pushed him to be a better person. And now Dean was taking the fall for what had happened. He'd punished himself and turned in on himself like he'd never seen before he was weak and lost and there was no way on earth Castiel was leaving him like this. Dean had been there for him when he needed help. Now it was his turn to repay the favour. He bent down a little, coming to sit in the vacant seat by the bed and took Dean's hand slowly. His large hand curling around Dean's bony fingers and keeping him safe. He dipped his head and rested their hands against his forehead, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath as he prayed in French for Dean to get better. As he hunched over, something slipped from beneath his v-neck into view. A simple silver ring on a chain around Castiel's neck. Not just any ring. But Dean's.

Dean let out a sob of relief when Cas came closer and took his hand, and his heart ached with the pain of losing Cas for months. The ice in his soul was thawing, and his hand felt so small and fragile in Castiel's, and he squeezed as hard as he could, which wasn't very much. He was so weak and wasted away and cold, and Cas was so warm and strong and solid. Dean couldn't take his eyes off him. "Cas," he whispered in a broken, weak voice, "You look... so good..." He ignored whatever the doctors were doing to him even as heated blankets were piled on top of him, and tried to roll onto his side to face Castiel. That's when he saw the glint of silver dangling from a chain around Castiel's neck, and his heart broke even more. "You kept it," he sobbed quietly, "Cas," He closed his eyes and tensed as sobs shook his weakened body and tears flowed freely.

Castiel finished his prayer, pressing his lips to their entwined hands and using his free hand to make a cross across his body. He looked at Dean with confusion for a moment before following the other's eyes, seeing they were fixated on the ring laying against his chest. He smiled shyly, dipping his head before looking back up at Dean with a charming, easy giving smile. "I, uh, told you I would," he said, trying to speak with a thinner accent so Dean could understand him but it was hard after spending so long over there. He looked over Dean's form and squeezed his hand gently, not wanting to hurt him. "And you can have it back," he said quietly. "If you want it."

Dean's eyes roamed over Castiel's face, his body, his clothing, taking everything in. He couldn't believe how much he'd changed in a few short months. Dean knew he looked awful by comparison, and he'd changed for the worse. It was hard to let Castiel seem him like this when it had always seemed to be the other way around. But this time it was Castiel's turn to save Dean, and they both knew it. Castiel's smile was the brightest, most beautiful thing he'd ever seen; he'd really grown up into a very handsome young man. His body, previously thin and lean, was now much more bulked up and muscled, but still graceful and athletic. The body of a dancer, and Dean felt pathetic next to him. "I don't deserve it," he said of the ring.

"Shut up," Castiel said without missing a beat. "You are a talented, intelligent and beautiful man. You helped me stand up when the world kicked me down. You're honest and loyal and the best thing that's ever happened to me. I don't care if you don't deserve it. What matters is I think you do." Castiel was almost taken back by how easily it was to speak of Dean like this. Even after months of trying to move passed him. He let go of Dean's hand, only to replace it with the ring and chain. He curled Dean's bony fingers around the ring and smiled down at Dean.

Dean's face crumpled and he held the ring and chain tightly in his hand for a moment before dropping it on the bed beside him and reaching both hands out for Castiel, desperate to just hold him and be held and touch him and absorb his warmth. He clung to Castiel's coat and pulled weakly, curling his body towards Cas and crying quietly. He was so broken and Cas was here, trying to put him back together and it was more than Dean could take. He couldn't wrap his head around it and part of him wondered if this was all just a dream. "I couldn't move on," He admitted tearfully, "I tried but I just couldn't... please... just hold me," he begged softly.

Castiel swallowed thickly. He hated seeing Dean like this. He looked up at the nurse who gave him a sympathetic smile and a nod as if to answer the question he was about to ask. He shifted Dean carefully on the bed and came and laid next to him, wrapping his big arms around him and pulling him close to his chest. "Shh," he soothed, stroking the other's back carefully. "_Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel. Like you're less than, less than perfect. To me," _Castiel crooned, remembering what seemed like so long ago when Dean would sing to him and make him feel better. He took the ring from the bed and put the chain around Dean's neck, letting the ring hang loosely over Dean's heart as he continued to sing to him.

Dean pressed as close to Cas as he could and tucked his head under Castiel's chin. His arms felt different, harder and stronger and bigger than they used to be, and Dean felt tiny in Castiel's arms. He curled into the warmth of his body and inhaled his scent, which was also different but still held that unique, addicting scent that was purely Cas. Dean breathed him in, letting it comfort and reassure him. He never wanted to let go, and his tears continued flowing out freely. He didn't feel any pain except for the aching in his chest, the beautiful throbbing that meant his broken heart was stitching itself back into one piece again, because its other half was here again. Not that he expected Castiel to stay with him, because he'd clearly already moved on with his life and he looked healthier and happier than Dean had ever seen him. When Cas started singing softly, that song he'd avoided for months, the song they'd danced to the night of their first kiss, Dean choked out a sob and clung tighter to Cas. "I never stopped loving you," he whispered, "I still love you."

Castiel sighed, tipping Dean's head up just enough to press a tender kiss to his forehead. "I love you too, Dean," he said aloud for the first time in over three months. Sure he wrote it down in his letters but saying it aloud said so much more. He wondered whether Dean had even read his letters. He wondered whether Sam had just told him everything was just fine because he didn't want him to know. Why wouldn't he want him to know? Castiel didn't care that they'd broken up. He was just grateful to have Dean back in his arms. "I need to take Amber home. I can't leave her in the car," Castiel said, annoyed he'd have to leave soon. "I'll be back soon. I promise. I'll bring some food and we'll have breakfast together, sound good?" He wanted desperately for Dean to get better. He didn't want to leave him alone but what else could he do? He couldn't leave Amber without food or water all day. He reluctantly slid out of bed and squeezed Dean's hand. "I'll be back. Just sit tight, okay?"

Dean reluctantly let go of Castiel and watched as he stood up, and he squeezed his hand back, not wanting to let go. He nodded weakly and watched as Cas left. Dean could barely recognize him. Was that really the boy whose heart he'd broken three months ago? Was it possible for that to be the same person? Dean realized he'd fallen prey to one of the most warned against flaws in himself. He hadn't realized what he'd had until it was gone. Despite how relieved and glad that Cas was here, it actually hurt to see him looking so good. While Dean's life was spiraling out of control, Cas had been able to move on with his life and find joy in other things. With a jolt, Dean realized Cas might have gotten into a relationship with someone else in France. It was possible that Dean was no longer needed and was simply a figment of Castiel's past. What if he'd moved on and was in love with someone else?

Castiel had gone home, given Amber water and food and come back to the hospital with take-out breakfast from a local diner. He came back in with a soft smile, getting Dean to scoot over as he came and sat back on the bed with him, putting to food on the fold out table beside him and handing Dean a bacon roll. "I know it's gonna be hard but I want you to eat at least a third of this," he said firmly. He'd been in Dean's position for a little while. He knew how hard it could get back on top but he was willing to sit here and help Dean every step of the way.

Dean smiled gratefully at Cas. He'd stopped crying and was more calm now, but it was still taking time for him to process everything that was going on. He was hooked up to an IV for fluids from being dehydrated, and his wrists were bandaged, and the heated blankets tucked around him were doing their job and he was already feeling warmer and more alert. He was still exhausted, but even just being inside and warmed up was helping a great deal. Or maybe that was just because Cas was here at last. Dean looked at the food skeptically, and the smell alone was enough to make him feel ill, but he picked at it and forced himself to eat something, because Cas was asking him to and his body was warm and comforting beside him, and Dean didn't want him to be worried or disappointed anymore. But the thought that Cas might be happy for a different reason was still nagging at him, and he set the bacon roll down after two slow bites and chewed thoughtfully, not looking at Cas. "You're different," he said carefully, "You've changed a lot... I... I just need to know, did you meet someone over there? Are you... do you have a..." he couldn't even bring himself to ask the question out loud.

Castiel had some chocolate milk. Something he'd missed being in France. Sure they had it too but it just wasn't the same. He drank happily, watching Dean take small bites of the roll and was just grateful he was at least trying. He sighed when Dean asked him about his love life. He set down his milk and looked over at Dean. "I thought there was," he began honestly. "About a month after- I met this guy, Maurice. He was so sweet and he helped me a lot, improving my stamina and strength. He's a good friend. He showed me how to dance again. Something I never thought could happen after what Lucifer did." There was a heavy pause before Castiel continued. "Then about a week ago we kissed. It was soft and gentle but, I just didn't feel anything. I love him and everything he's done for me but, it's like the way I love Sam or Anna." He took Dean's hand carefully and held it in his over Dean's heart and the ring. "But it'll never compare to the way I love you, Dean. There's never been anyone else. Just you."

Dean couldn't stop the bitter surge of jealousy at that confession. Someone else, a guy, had kissed Castiel. Dean knew he was being completely unfair, because he'd done so much more than kiss other people. He sipped at a glass of water and then set it down, placing his hands in his lap and looking down at the thin, bony fingers. They looked like the hands of an old man. Then Cas took one his hands and held it in his own, placing it over Dean's chest where the ring hung. There was no way it would fit on Dean's finger now, it would slide right off. He was about 40 pounds underweight, and it showed. His heart felt warm and tears pricked at his eyes again. The fact that Cas could still love him after everything was just overwhelming, and he felt incredibly guilty and remorseful for the abuse he'd inflicted on himself, all the things he'd done until his body was reduced to a shell of his former self. "It's okay," he murmured, finally looking back up into Castiel's eyes. "I... haven't been doing as well recently," he admitted, hating himself, "Lisa and I hooked up a few times, because I was... God, Cas, I was trying to forget you, but who am I kidding?" He lifted Castiel's hand up to his lips and tentatively pressed a soft kiss to his knuckles and then rested his cheek against the back of Castiel's hand. "You're impossible to forget. But last night I dreamed about you... and it was like I couldn't see your face no matter how hard I tried, and I kind of lost it after that."

Castiel felt a sudden need to punch Lisa in the face. He could just about understand Dean sleeping with her. They'd been together before and Dean was a very physical person. If that's what it took to calm down after their break-up then he'd understand. But for Lisa to stand by and watch as Dean did this to himself. That. That was not okay. Sleeping with someone shouldn't be a right. It should be an honour and you should treat it as such, showing the other your love and kindness. Keeping them safe from danger, including themselves at times. How anyone hadn't stopped to help Dean disgusted Castiel so much. He was suddenly overcome with guilt for not being here for him. He shook his head, still not quiet understanding. "If this is what it was doing to you...why didn't you ask me to come back? Why did you send me away to begin with? I-I love you, Dean but I gotta know why."

"I thought you'd be better off without me," Dean admitted quietly, "And I was right. Look at you." He gestured vaguely towards Castiel and sighed. "I didn't want to drag you down and I knew you wouldn't want to see me like this, it was easier to just separate myself from you. I didn't even want to contact you, I didn't even read the post-cards because I knew that if I did I'd call you, and I didn't want to bring you down again, You were happy in France and I didn't want to screw things up for you more than I already had." Dean looked up at Cas and studied him. "You look so good," he said again, reaching a hand up to run it through Castiel's soft, healthy hair, which had grown in well. "So happy and strong. And look at me, I'm a lost cause. You deserve so much better than this."

"You're such an idiot," Castiel chuckled affectionately, nuzzling his nose against Dean's bony jaw and pressing a soft kiss there. "Don't you get it? If it wasn't for you I'd still be a lost cause. And without me you are too. Don't you see? We're a team, Dean. We need each other to survive. Even if we're both looking like lost causes we depend on each other to make it through." He sighed, tilting Dean's head gently so he'd look at him. "I love you so much but if I had a choice between being happy in France and being miserable here. I would choose here every time because I can't truly be happy without my other half." He pressed a short, tender kiss to Dean's dry lips, something he'd wanted to do again ever since Dean walked out of his life.

Dean smiled sadly and shifted towards Castiel's warmth, leaning his head on the other's shoulder. "Remember when we met?" He murmured, "This is kind of like the opposite. I'm the one who needs fixing this time." He gasped in surprise when Cas kissed him, lacking all of the hesitance and fear he'd had when he'd left for France. Feeling the lips he'd missed against his once more felt like heaven, and his eyes fluttered closed and he leaned towards Cas, wanting to melt into his skin and become one with him. "God, I missed you," he sighed, resting his forehead against Castiel's. "Don't go back to France," he pleaded selfishly in a whisper. "I want you all to myself again."

"I won't," he promised, pressing another quick kiss to Dean's lips. How could he leave him now? He'd missed Dean too much to let him go again. "I'm staying right here," he promised, pressing a gentle kiss to Dean's forehead before resting Dean's head against his broad shoulder. He picked up the bacon roll again and took a bite before holding it out for Dean. "Just a few more bites, for me?" he haggled, trying to get Dean to eat a little more. He needed to get him back on track and punch whoever let Dean get into this state to begin with.

Dean rolled his eyes but took the bacon roll and took another bite of it, chewing slightly as he tried to force it down. He managed three small bites before he started to feel sick and had to stop. He placed it back on the plate and sipped some water to wash it down before leaning back against Cas. He lifted a hand to Castiel's upper arm and squeezed his bicep, feeling the hard muscle there. "Dude, you really bulked up," he commented, "I think you got taller, too. You could easily pass for 21." Dean looked up at Castiel's face and looked at him. He looked older, definitely, and it wasn't purely physical. He looked more confident and sure of himself, more mature and much braver. "You've really changed," Dean said softly.

Castiel chuckled softly as Dean used a weak hand to squeeze his bicep. "I'm not even 18 yet, give me a chance," he smiled, wrapping an arm around Dean and keeping him close. "I hope I haven't changed too much for you," he said quietly, stroking back Dean's long straggly hair. "I still want you to love me for who I am. Don't let a couple muscles fool you. I'm still your Cas."

Dean relaxed his hand and lowered it back to his lap as Castiel wrapped his arm around him instead. "You're still my Cas," Dean agreed, "But I'm not the same Dean. Cas... I really fucked up. I'm a mess, I don't want to drag you down into this." He looked at Cas regretfully. "I need to get my life straightened out before I can let you in again. I just... I don't want to screw up again. I want to do things right this time." He looked at Cas pleadingly, hoping he would understand. This wasn't just about them, it was about everything that had gone wrong in Dean's life since Cas had left. He needed to get healthy and get back in shape, needed to take care of himself and distance himself from everything that had ruined him. "You've got things going for you, you have your life in control and you really look happy, Cas. You can't get dragged back down to my level. I just need some time."

Castiel frowned deeply, listening to Dean talk. "Wha- What are you saying?" He couldn't possibly mean- "Dean, I'm not leaving you alone like this. I'm staying here and helping you get better." He couldn't go back to Maurice. To France. Sure, he was doing great with art school and dancing but none of those things mattered. Not like Dean did. Dean was his future. Nothing else mattered without him. His hand looked large against Dean's cheek, cupping his face as gently as he could as he kissed Dean with a tender, lingering kiss. "And I won't get dragged down to your level," he promised as a whisper against Dean's lips. "I've been there. I know what it's like. I don't want to go there again. All I want to do is drag you up to mine, where you're safe." He kissed Dean again because Dean hadn't pushed him away and it'd been so long since he'd been allowed to hold and kiss the man he loved.

Dean sighed and kissed Castiel greedily, running his hands through his hair and holding on, starving for Cas. "Cas," he gasped when he pulled away, breathing hard and turning away as another coughing fit set in. He no longer had pneumonia, but his lungs had never been the same since his illness. "I was ready to give up," he whispered, turning back to Cas and leaning into the warm hand cupping his cheek. "I was going to die there in the snow. I wanted to die, and then you came out of nowhere... Cas, you're an angel." Dean rested his forehead against Castiel's jaw and tried to catch his breath.

Castiel rubbed the other's back, trying to soothe Dean as he tried to breath. "Dean, you have saved me more times than I fear to count," he said quietly so only Dean could hear. Not that there was anyone in the room anyway. "If anyone is an angel, it's you. You've just lost your way, that's all." He pressed a warm kiss to Dean's forehead and continued to rub his back, pulling the blanket further around Dean to keep him warm and safe.

"I'm glad you're here," Dean breathed, closing his eyes and relaxing once more. How was it possible that he was so small and weak beside Cas, wrapped up in his warm arms? Dean was surrounded by Cas, his scent, his voice, the way his chest rumbled when he spoke, his breath ghosting over Dean's hair, and it was paradise. Dean was safe from himself at last. Dean wasn't religious, but it was a miracle that Cas had happened to show up before it was too late. "Cas, I'm not me anymore," he said quietly, his voice shaking with fear as he clung to Castiel's shirt and closed his eyes tightly. "I don't know who I am and I can't remember who I used to be."

Castiel knew the feeling. He'd been there one too many times. He stroked back Dean's dirty blonde, lengthy hair, murmuring in French a short prayer when Dean began to speak. "Dean," he crooned, pressing his hand over Dean's ring on the man's chest. "Don't try to be the past. You can only move forward and I'll be right here, with you. I'll still love you. Just be who you are and not something you used to be." He pressed a soft kiss to Dean's forehead and slowly slid off the bed. "I'll be right back, I promise," he said, exiting the room and looked for a nurse.

Dean took a shaky breath and pressed his lips to Castiel's neck, where Dean had kissed him countless times, marked him and made him his. He absently wondered if he'd ever be allowed that right again after everything he'd done. All he could do was move towards Cas and escape the past, because there was nothing they could do to erase the past, but they could learn from their mistakes and try their hardest to forget. "When I lost you it was like I lost myself," Dean admitted, "I felt dead inside... I just stopped caring.

Castiel had come back with a small bag when Dean began talking again. He smiled sadly and claimed Dean's lips again as he came and knelt on the side of the bed beside Dean. "Well I'm back now," he assured, not wanting to think about what Dean had been through. If it was anything like what he'd been through he definitely didn't want to know. He opened the small bag and took out a razor. He filled a paper cup with water from the table and set it next to the razor. "May I?" he asked Dean, cupping his cheek carefully as he began shaving Dean's grimy stubbled jaw, trying to smarten him up a little.

Dean smiled softly in embarrassment as Castiel shaved him. "I feel like a homeless guy," he muttered, suddenly conscious of how disgusting and dirty he felt. His arms were caked with dried blood and his hair hadn't been washed in days, and he probably smelled. He grimaced and shuddered slightly. "Do you think there's any way I can take a shower?" He asked, sitting up a little bit and looking around to see how far away the bathroom was. He felt dirty and gross and thought he'd feel a little better after getting cleaned up. He wanted to feel better for the first time in three months, and it made him smile in amazement at Cas.

Castiel chuckled, finishing his work on Dean's face with a soft kiss to Dean's freshly shaven cheek. He put the razor back in the bag and put it to the side. "I have an electric razor too, in the car," he offered, looking at Dean's hair. "I could cut it for you, before you shower?" He looked down the hall to see the shower rooms, working out if Dean could make it that far on his own.

Dean nodded and made a face, tugging at his messy, unclean hair which hung in limp strings down his forehead and neck. It was almost as long as Sam's at this point, but it felt disgusting and Dean was suddenly itching to get clean. He hated Cas seeing him like this, but he knew that Cas didn't care. He wanted to feel better and not look so horribly pathetic. "Yeah, that would be good," he said in agreement. Suddenly, he jolted upright, eyes wide. He sat up so fast that he got a dizzy spell and he winced as a pain shot through his head. "Sammy," he said, "He's probably losing his mind right now."

Castiel pushed Dean gently back down against the bed with one hand and smiled softly, putting the bag back in his hand to give back to the nurse. He didn't trust Dean to be left alone with a razor. Even if he looked sorry for what he'd done. Castiel knew all the tricks and wasn't taking any chances. "I'll take care of it, kitten. Just sit tight, I'll be right back." He soon returned with his electric razor and a bath towel and an extended hand towards Dean. "Nurse said you can shower with my supervision. We don't want you collapsing with no one around to help," he smiled warmly. "I text Sam. I assured him you're safe with me. He might pop by later when he can."

Dean sat up with Castiel's help and swung his legs over the bed. He was wearing white hospital scrubs now, and there was a pair of slippers and a bathrobe on a chair beside the bed. He stood up, leaning heavily on Castiel as he tried to find his footing and balance. He felt dizzy and lightheaded, but the feeling passed within a moment. "Thanks for everything," he said to Castiel. Now that they were both standing, Dean could clearly see that Cas had gained a few inches as well. He'd been shorter than Dean before, but now they were about the same height, with Cas maybe just a little taller. And his body looked amazing, too. Dean looked at him in amazement and whistled. "I know I sound like a broken record, but I'm telling you, you look great." He reached up and patted Castiel's chest with a thin, bony hand, and then he studied his wrist in disgust. How had he gotten this thin and not even noticed?

Castiel chuckled, curling his own hand around Dean's and lifting them to his lips tentatively before dropping the hand and opting for wrapping his arm around Dean as they walked, supporting him steadily. "Thanks. I have Maurice to thank for that. He really knows how to keep in shape. Hopefully I can do the same for you." He helped Dean to the shower and he took out the electric razor and guided Dean to sit down on the bench. "Okay, I'll just tidy this up for you then you can get all cleaned up," he smiled, carefully cutting Dean's long hair until it was short and tidy. He wasn't the best at cutting hair, it was a tiny bit uneven at the front but it would do for now.

Dean watched his long hair fall to the ground in clumps as the vibrating hum of the razor cut away the mess, leaving him with something closer to his regular haircut. He ran a hand over his head and smiled softly, feeling light with hope and a warmth in his chest that hadn't been there since Cas left. "Everything makes me tired," he said with a frustrated sigh as he pulled off his shirt with some difficulty. His arms didn't want to cooperate with him, but he managed to get the shirt off by himself and he folded his arms over his body in shame. "I don't want to be like this anymore." He whispered, staring down at his skinny knees.

Castiel put away the razor and bent down to sweep up the hair into a neat little pile and put it in the trash can. When he looked back up he saw Dean without his hospital gown on. He swallowed thickly, slowly standing back up and never taking his eyes of the other. "That's the first step," he said, voice sounding a little strained. He wrapped his big arms around Dean and pulled him close to his chest, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm gonna help you through this, Dean. I promise," he whispered with determination.

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and stood close to him, resting his chin on his shoulder and just holding onto him. "I love you," he whispered, wanting Cas all to himself. He didn't want to think about this Maurice guy, some perfect, hot French student that had brought out the best in Castiel when Dean could only hurt him and make everything worse. Even though Cas was here now, Dean was terrified he'd miss France and want to return to the place where he'd finally found happiness. There was nothing for Cas here, so why should he stay? Castiel had a life in France, he was happy there. And he'd been happy without Dean. "Are you going back?" He asked, not for the first time, but he was terrified of losing Cas to someone better, even if he deserved it. "You weren't planning on staying here, were you?"

Castiel sighed, pulling back a little to look at Dean. "Yes, I was going to leave," he said quietly, looking down at his shoes. "I thought you didn't want me anymore. You never replied to my letters or texts. I couldn't wait around forever, Dean. If you'd moved on...I guess that meant I have to too." He looked back up at Dean with bright, loving eyes. His baby blues gazing into Dean's dull green stones. "But...if you want me back," he began, putting his hand once again over the ring and Dean's heart. "I'll stay because there's nowhere I'd rather be than by your side."

Dean stared into Castiel's eyes for a long moment before closing his own and lowering his head. "I can't ask you to do that," he insisted. "I want you back more than I've ever wanted anything... but you're happier than I've ever seen you, and you have a new life over there, and I can't make you stay." Dean kept his head bent forward, staring at the ground between them as tears of shame stung his eyes. "How could you possibly want me now?" He whispered, digging his nails in to his sides and biting his lip hard. He hated himself. He hated himself for pushing Cas away, and he hated himself for needing him so desperately now. He hated himself for tethering Cas down and selfishly wanting him all to himself.

Castiel took Dean's hands gently in his so he would stop hurting himself. He pressed tender kisses to his bandaged wrists before moving Dean's arms to his waist. Castiel's own arms wrapping around Dean's neck and shoulders and he pressed his lips to Dean's again. The light pressure of the ring resting between their chests. "Dean, I will always want you," he assured, stroking back his now short hair. "We're both fucked up people. We're still finding ourselves," he whispered. "But I've never been happier than I have with you," he said honestly. "Sure I found something in France to call my own but...I want to be able to share that with you. It sucks doing this alone. You know how many times I had to cry myself to sleep? How many times I've broken down because I smelt freshly baked pie as I walked down the street? I'm not as happy as you think I am, Dean. I'm just as broken as you. I've just found a way to control it."

Dean looked into Castiel's eyes, the one thing about him that hadn't changed at all. They were still the same shade of blue framed by dark lashes, and they were still a pure view into Castiel's soul if you knew when to look. They shone with warmth and bittersweet joy, and Dean gently reached up and touched Castiel's forehead, tracing a line down between his eyes and down the straight line of his nose, down to those pale lips he'd kissed so many times, and his fingertips lingered there for a moment before continuing down to the slight cleft in Castiel's chin, the hard lines of his jawbone, peppered with stubble, and down to his neck where Dean could feel Castiel breathing, feel him swallowing and feel the blood pulsing through his veins. He slid his hand down Castiel's chest until it finally rested over his heart, and he closed his eyes as he felt the steady beat there under his hand. "Fix me," he begged in a whisper, "I want you. I need you. I love you."

Castiel let Dean touch him, watching as Dean touched all over his face. Like he was trying to memorize it. He placed his hand over Dean's and smile softly at the other, kissing his temple. "I love you, too, kitten," he murmured quietly. He helped Dean get into the shower and turned the water on for him, getting his sleeve wet in the process. He stood outside the cubicle and waited for Dean to clean himself. He wasn't sure if Dean was ready for that kind of intimacy again. It'd been so long and Dean was sick. He'd take it at Dean's pace, allowing him to take all the time he needed to get better before even thinking about them. For now, they needed to concentrate on Dean.

Dean was glad for the cover of the shower curtain. It was hard standing in front of Castiel like this, showing him what he'd done to his own body through neglect and carelessness. It was a relief to wash himself off, and he used a generous amount of soap to get the grime and dirt off of himself. He soaped up his entire body, including his face and hair, and he was glad his bandages were waterproof because he wasn't even bothering to try keeping them dry. When he was finished showering, he wrapped a towel around his hips and walked out to go stand in front of the bathroom mirror. He looked at himself critically and cringed at how thin he'd gotten, and his skin was flushed red from the hot water.

Castiel had waited patiently for Dean to shower. As he did, he began to get hot. The steam rising in the room from the hot water and Castiel had to take his shirt off to cool down, leaving him in his vest top which was underneath. The top clung to his figure, his arms more obvious now that they were exposed. The tips of a pair of wings stuck out on the backs of each arm. The rest still concealed beneath his top. When Dean came back out he grinned. Dean was still thin but looking much more like himself now. Castiel couldn't hep but press a kiss to his shoulder as he watched him lovingly. "Feeling better?" he asked softly.

Dean looked at Castiel in the mirror and his eyes widened. "Dude," he breathed, nodding in approval and looking Cas up and down. He'd taken off his shirt and was left wearing a tight sleeveless undershirt, revealing his awesomely sculpted arms and strong shoulders. The shirt was tight across his chest, and Dean could clearly see the definition of his muscles over his stomach and chest. He walked away from the sink and circled Castiel with a smile on his face, taking in his new physique. He noticed something on Castiel's arm and his jaw dropped when he realized it was the edge of a tattoo. He gently traced the outline of a feather, very artistically placed on the back of his upper arm and followed the line of dark ink up to the edge of Castiel's shirt. He hesitantly pushed the back of the shirt up to reveal his whole back, and he was stunned by what he saw. Over Castiel's entire back was an intricate, detailed design of angel wings that sprouted from his shoulder blades and extended down to the small of Castiel's back. The tips of the wings ended about halfway down to his elbows. "Cas, this looks so awesome," he said excitedly, running his fingers lightly over the design.

Castiel had forgotten about his ink and almost jumped out of his skin when Dean touched him. He stood still after that and let Dean touch him. "Thanks," he smiled self-conciously. "I, uh, I got real drunk when I first went over and I...Well I missed you and I got really emotional and I ended up getting this done." He laughed a little. "I don't regret it though. I mean I've always wanted it done. I just can't believe I really went through with it." He pulled down his top again, still self-concious of his body and smiled at Dean shyly.

Dean grinned shyly and walked back to stand in front of Cas. He folded his arms over himself again and sighed, biting his lip as he looked at Cas. "You've changed so much," he said quietly, peering up shyly into Castiel's eyes. "You're really... wow. I mean, you're still the same person but you're just so different." Dean picked up the hospital bathrobe and wrapped it around himself to hide. "I'm sorry I'm messed up like this," he murmured, "I was out of control but not anymore. I'll get better."

Castiel smiled sadly, tying up Dean's hospital rope and stealing a gentle kiss to his jaw in the process. "I know you will, love," he said warmly, wrapping his arms back around Dean. He helped Dean back to bed and he laid silently next to him as the nurse put his drips back in. As soon as the nurse left Castiel turned back to Dean with a soft sigh. "Get some rest, you must be tired," he said quietly, stroking Dean's cheek.

Dean sighed and relaxed against Castiel's warm body and closed his eyes. "I am tired," he agreed, "I've been tired for three months and now I can finally get some rest." He pressed his lips to Castiel's neck and inhaled his intoxicating scent. "Thanks for not forgetting me," he whispered, "I was stupid to try to forget you. It ruined me."

Castiel sighed sadly, stroking Dean's side as he fell asleep against him. "Goodnight, my prince," he whispered, kissing Dean's forehead. He stayed with Dean until he fell asleep deeply. Then and only then did Castiel allow himself to fall asleep, knowing Dean was safe with him in his arms.

Two weeks later, Dean was feeling much better. He was on a prescription diet similar to one of an anorexic girl and he had to go back to the hospital for weekly weigh-ins. It was still hard for him to eat as much as he used to, but he was regaining his appetite and his strength, and he was feeling stronger every day.

Exactly two weeks after his hospitalization, Sam came into his room carrying a plate of eggs and a tall glass of orange juice. "Good morning," he said brightly, "Did you sleep well?" Dean yawned and sat up. His arms were sore from all the pushups he'd done yesterday, and his abs ached when he went to sit up. "Yeah, physical therapy really tired me out yesterday," he muttered, "Breakfast in bed, huh? I could get used to this." Sam rolled his eyes. "I'm only doing this because you worked really hard yesterday." Sam had been working with Dean to get him caught up in school so he could graduate in the spring.

Castiel had been checking up on Dean since he'd been released from the hospital. Making sure he ate and kept to his schedule. He'd told his mom he'd be staying in America for the time being and after several hours on the phone she'd finally agreed. They hadn't had time to sell the house yet so it was still there after being taken care of by the neighbours whilst they were away.

He'd finished school whilst he was out in France so now he was just looking for a job whilst Dean was still in school. He'd managed to find a neat little job in one of the bakers. His experience in France is what won him over with the manager. He had a whole bunch of recipes they could use to improve their food. He blended in quickly, and the money wasn't bad either. Plus it meant every time he went to see Dean he'd bring him something to eat.

Dean ate his eggs methodically, and Sam stood there and watched him until all the food was gone, which was all kinds of weird. Dean felt like a little kid, but he knew it was only because Sam cared about him and wanted him to get better. In their spare time, Sam and Dean had been working hard on the cabin, trying to fix it up before the end of the school year. It was still winter, and working on it wasn't easy, but it was good exercise nailing insulation to the walls and tearing the old floorboards out to instal a heating system, along with other refurbishing things. "I went to the store and got a ton of paint samples," Sam told him, folding his arms over his chest. "Who knew you were such a girl about paint colors for the walls?" Sam grinned teasingly and Dean flipped him off as he set his empty plate aside and drank his juice. "Colors are important," he argued, "We're gonna have to live with them and I don't want Cas to hate it."

Castiel spent the majority of his time in the bakers, mopping the floors and serving the customers in his French accent that apparently brought more authenticity to their establishment. Castiel didn't question it. He liked playing pretend. Seeing people he used to go to school with not even recognise him. It was amazing. He couldn't stop smiling. The work made him happy. It was honest and hardworking. Castiel finished up early, taking a half dozen assorted treats in a box with him as he headed on home. He text Dean: Hope everything's going well, you still on for a movie tonight? xx

Sam grinned and shrugged. "I'm sure he'll want to do something artistic and sappy with the colors. Like find one that matches your eyes exactly." Sam batted his eyes and Dean punched him in the shoulder as he walked past to go to the bathroom. "Shut up bitch, you're just jealous because your eyes aren't green and pretty like mine and if Ruby was going to paint the walls the color of your eyes it would look like somebody threw up after eating pea soup and hamburgers." Sam made a face. "Gross, Dean!" He muttered, picking up the plate. "My eyes are not the color of puke." Dean stuck his head out of the bathroom and smirked at him. "Yeah, okay, Samantha. I'm sorry, your eyes are beautiful. They're just not wall-paint quality." Sam gave him a bitchface and Dean snorted as he closed the bathroom door to take a shower. As he was getting undressed, his phone vibrated and he smiled when he read the text from Cas. "hey babe 3 yeah i'll pick you up around 8 luv ya"

Castiel smiled at the text and put down his phone next to Amber as he sat back on the couch for a moment and just relaxed after a hard day at work. He finally got up again and did his stretches, making sure his legs were still in shape. He would never let it get to the point again where he couldn't walk. That had been torturous. He did his dance exercises and did a quick practise before heading upstairs for a shower. He came back down and made dinner all in time for Dean to come over to pick him up. He was excited to be going out to watch a movie with Dean. Do something normal again. They needed that. They were finally getting things back together.

Sam and Dean spent the rest of the day at the cabin arguing over paint colors, and they'd taped up many pieces of paper with the color on them as they tried to decide. "Shouldn't Cas have a say in this?" Sam asked skeptically, wiping cream colored paint off his elbow. "I want it to be a surprise," he replied with a shrug. "I can't do this anymore, my head hurts. And I've got a date with Cas tonight anyway." They went home and Dean was ready to go shortly. He'd done something cheesy and purchased a box of Castiel's favorite chocolate on the way there, and he showed up at Castiel's door with a goofy grin on his face and handed him the box.

Castiel answered the door to find a healthier looking Dean standing their with a shit-eating grin and a box of chocolates. "Aww, Dean. Thank you." Castiel smiled sweetly, leaning in to kiss Dean's cheek and take the box from him and place it on the side before closing the door and heading out to Dean's car. "You look better," he praised with a warm smile, sitting in the passenger seat nervously. They hadn't dated much before their split and this was the first time they'd really been able to do now that Dean was feeling stronger and more confident with himself. Castiel just hoped everything was okay between them.

Dean grinned and walked back down to the car with Cas and pulled away to head to town. "You wanna get dinner first, or should we just go straight to the movie?" He asked, glancing over at Cas with a smile. "I'm fine with whatever you want to do." Dean felt happier than he had in ages, and it was all because Cas was here beside him, and Dean felt like he was right where he belonged. "Personally, I'm kind of in the mood to make out, so I'm kind of leaning towards the movie," he hinted suggestively.

Castiel chuckled. Dean was so much better than the mess he found in the graveyard. Now he was confident and strong and everything Castiel remembered him to be. He even blushed a little at Dean's bold behaviour, forgetting he could be like that. "Movie it is," he murmured breathlessly, tugging his jacket properly around him as the chilly air hit him. Spring was on its way but it was still cold out at night.

Dean laughed and reached over to grab Castiel's shoulder in a playful squeeze before sliding his hand all the way down Castiel's muscled arm to his hand and entwined their fingers casually. He grinned over at him and pulled into the movie theater a few minutes later. "So what kind of movie are you in the mood for?" He asked as they looked at the various posters and show times. "That new zombie movie is playing in 15 minutes and the one with Emma Stone is playing... I don't know, what do you wanna see?"

Castiel grinned, looking at the screen with the movie times on it. He gave Dean a look and grinned wickedly. "I thought you just wanted to make out?" He squeezed Dean's hand and inhaled deeply, loving the smell of popcorn and hotdogs. "Let's go for the zombie movie. If I get scared you can just hold me," he grinned, pecking Dean's cheek before going to the counter to ask for tickets and food.

Dean pretended to be offended. "Hey, I'm trying to be a gentleman," he protested, "I wasn't just going to take you in there without letting you pick the movie. But it really doesn't make a difference to me." He went with Cas to buy their tickets and popcorn and then headed into the theater. They sat in the back corner and Dean sipped at his coke as they watched the trailers and waited for the movie to start.

Castiel rolled his eyes, paying for the food and tickets and heading into the theatre with Dean. He shoved a handful of popcorn in his mouth and grinned at Dean. This was nice. Doing something normal for a change. He took Dean's hand and laced their fingers together, resting them on his knee. "I can't remember the last time I saw a movie in the cinema," he smiled, squeezing Dean's hand briefly.

Dean took a handful of popcorn and ate it, grinning at Cas as he took another sip of coke to wash it down. "Yeah, it's been awhile." He agreed. The lights dimmed a moment later and the movie opening titles began. It already looked kind of stupid, but Dean didn't care. Castiel's hand was warm and strong in his, and he absently stroked the seam of Castiel's jeans with his thumb as the movie began. They shared popcorn and Dean offered Cas his coke, and they just sat together enjoying each other's presence more than the movie.

Castiel took some of Dean's coke and looked back up at the screen. He could feel Dean playing with his jeans, rubbing his thumb against his knee. He looked over shyly, smiling brightly and a little giddily at Dean. He wasn't sure what to do. He'd been playing at Dean's level until he was comfortable enough to be more of a couple but then Castiel realized. Dean was fine with this stuff. It was him being funny about it. Not that he didn't want to. He was just shy and nervous that Dean would dump him again.


	45. Chapter 45

Dean smirked at Cas and sipped at the coke again, sucking on the straw seductively before setting the drink aside and leaning over to put his lips to Castiel's ear and he teasingly let his hand wander up a little higher on Castiel's thigh. "Wanna make out now?" He asked in a whisper, ignoring what was happening on the screen and nuzzling lightly at Castiel's neck. Dean had been working up the courage to do this all day, and if they went through with it it would be the first time they'd gone beyond kissing since Cas came back from France, and Dean had yet to experience the wonders of Castiel's fit body and explore it and make it his once more.

Castiel gasped a little, pressing his hand over Dean's to stop it from wondering higher. He didn't want to get thrown out with a boner. That would just be mortifying. He looked over at Dean with a soft smile, dipping his head close, their foreheads pressed together briefly before Castiel moved his head closer to claim Dean's lips in a soft, silent kiss. The movie long forgotten in front of them as Castiel snaked his hand to rest at the back of Dean's neck, keeping him close.

Dean squeezed Castiel's leg playfully and moved it down a bit. "Sorry," he whispered against Castiel's skin, "Too much?" He held still as Cas leaned forward and touched their foreheads together, and then kissed him softly. Dean smiled against Castiel's lips and the feeling of Castiel's hand keeping him in place at the back of his neck was nice. He reached up for Castiel's hair and ran his fingers through the shorter hairs at the base of Castiel's skull, loving the soft, thick texture of it between his fingers. This was good.

Castiel hummed, closing his eyes and deepening the kiss a little. Exploring Dean's mouth with his tongue. They hadn't done this in so long. Just being with each other. Going on dates. Being normal. It made Castiel want to cry but instead he just held onto Dean and kissed him like this would be his last chance, taking his time to memorize the feel of Dean all around him, touching his hair and exploring his mouth.

Dean shivered at the first touch of Castiel's tongue. He'd been crazing this and now that they were finally kissing like this Dean never wanted to stop. Castiel's mouth was familiar and Dean knew it well, and Castiel's scent surrounded him and made him pleasantly dizzy. Hands fisted in the front of Castiel's shirt, Dean kissed him with every ounce of concentration he had.

Castiel broke away breathlessly, grinning widely at Dean and his red cheeks. He kissed his freckles skin adoringly before moving away again to nudge his nose against Dean's jaw and mouth at the skin at his neck. He'd needed this for a long time. He couldn't believe he was finally being allowed to touch Dean like this. He squeezed Dean's hand on his leg and let it slip a little higher on his thigh.

Dean's eyes snapped open and he gasped loudly, biting back a moan as Cas mouthed at his neck and jaw. He tipped his head back to give him more access and his eyes fluttered closed again. He bit his lip to keep from moaning again, and he squeezed Castiel's leg again, fingers just barely brushing over the crotch of his pants, curious and questioning and tentative. His other hand tangled in Castiel's hair and tugged gently to get the angle just right, and Castiel's mouth was hot and wet on his flushed skin.

Castiel pulled away with wide eyes, looking around them but no one seemed to be watching them. Dean looked incredible, the flickering light of the movie passing over his skin and lighting up his eyes. His flushed skin and slightly apart lips letting his breath mingle between them. "You look gorgeous," he murmured in Dean's ear, pressing a kiss to his jaw. "Maybe we should leave before they kick us out," he whispered in concern, he didn't want to get caught doing this.

Dean opened his eyes and stared at Cas breathlessly, eyes dark with lust and wide with excitement. He stared at Cas in wonder and realized just how long it had been since they'd done anything like this. "Do you want to leave and continue somewhere else?" He whispered, excited at the thought of finally getting to do the things he'd been dreaming about for ages. "Wanna go back to my place? God, Cas, it's been so long,"

"Well go to mine," he said softly, taking Dean's hand and leaving the theatre. "Don't wanna wake up Sammy or get in trouble with your dad." They some how mad it back to Castiel's. Both of them sitting anxiously in Dean's car all the way back. Castiel got his door open and dragged Dean inside and up the stairs silently. He stopped at their bedroom and his smile dropped a little. He'd managed to get passed his fears but the memory still lingered here. What Lucifer did to him. He swallowed thickly, looking over at Dean and kissing him fiercely. Tonight he would get over his fears of this room because tonight he had Dean.

Dean noticed Castiel's hesitation at the bedroom door and waited to see what he would do. He let out a soft sound of surprise as Cas grabbed him and kissed him hard, and then they were stumbling into the room together, lips locked and tripping over each other's feet before managing to reach the bed, and they collapsed on it together. Dean laughed breathlessly and pulled Cas on top of him, smiling up at him and running his hands down his chest teasingly. "Is this okay?" He breathed, hoping that this wasn't too much too soon for Cas.

Castiel shook his head. "It's perfect," he breathed, looking down at Dean in awe. He was so beautiful. He made him forget about everything bad that had happened. He leant down and kissed Dean slowly this time, running his hands gently down Dean's sides and taking his time to get to know him again, to map out his body again. He slid off of Dean and laid down on his side, watching Dean with a soft gaze. His hand going out to play with the ring still around Dean's neck. "You're beautiful," he murmured, kissing Dean again.

Dean smiled shyly and blushed, looking over at Cas with wide eyes. He slowly brought his hand up and tangled his fingers with Castiel's on his chest, feeling the cool metal of the ring hard and solid between their hands. Dean arched into Castiel's touch, starving for the feeling of those hands roaming over his body, those long, artistic fingers trailing over his skin. Dean never once took his eyes off Cas, couldn't stop touching him and breathing him in. "I missed this," he breathed, pressing his mouth to Castiel's and kissing him again. He felt complete.

Castiel hummed softly. "Me too, kitten." He pressed his lips to Dean's and they were once again kissing, Castiel's free hand moving into Dean's hair and pulling him close. His leg brushing lightly against Dean's before timidly hooking it over Dean's thighs. "Is this okay?" he asked carefully, brushing a strand of hair from Dean's face and pressing a shy kiss to his freckled cheek.

Dean's entire body felt warm and tight with anticipation and his heart was pounding. He grabbed Castiel's knee and tugged his thigh up to bracket his hip, needing to be closer. "Please," he whispered into Castiel's neck, "I want... I need..." He settled for tasting Castiel's throat, kissing and sucking at the skin there until a mark was left on the skin, making Castiel his again. "God, you're beautiful," he muttered, looking up at Castiel's face in awe.

Castiel gasped as Dean suddenly pulled him close. The friction of his semi-hard cock rubbing against Dean's hip made him curse loudly, voice rasped and breathy. Hands scrambled with clothing, tossing shirts and pants into a pile. Castiel's bold wings finally in full few as he stretched out his back and leant over Dean to pull him into a deep kiss. "I know, baby. I know," he murmured. "I'll take care of you." His wings fluttered as his arms moved up Dean's body, head dipping down to capture exposed skin in worshipping kisses.

Suddenly, there was a frantic struggle with clothes and Dean muttered curses under his breath as he tugged at clothes and they were both in their underwear within moments. Dean took a moment to just look at Castiel's body. He'd always thought Cas was incredible, but now he was really something else. Dean was still kind of thin by comparison, but he was quickly putting on muscle and bulking up more. Dean ran his hands down Castiel's arms, exploring the firm, well defined muscles there eagerly, and he kissed Castiel hungrily. Dean could barely see the edges of the tattoos over Castiel's shoulders, and his head tipped back as Cas kissed his skin. "Fuck," he gasped, tugging at Castiel's hair, "God, you're amazing."

Castiel chuckled, kissing Dean's lips and sitting on his side by Dean instead. His leg draped over Dean's legs to slot their hips together, rubbing the blissful friction between their bodies together. "I love you so much," he gasped into Dean's mouth as he stole another kiss. "You're the one," he announced with sudden confidence and love. "I'm never letting you go again." He wrapped his hand underneath Dean's thigh to hook his leg up a little further to get a better angle as he ground against him with soft, needing pants.

Dean grinned up at Cas as he changed their positions, and Dean pushed himself up on his elbows. He thrust his hips up into Castiel's, feeling his hard cock against his own and he moaned, leaning his head back to bare his throat as he tried to breathe and match his rhythm to Castiel's. It was so perfect and felt so amazing that Dean was afraid he was going to come just from rubbing against each other, his body feeling hot and tight and already desperate for release. His hips bucked against Castiel's and he forced himself to slow down, running his nails lightly over Castiel's back and breathing hard. He wanted it to last. "There could never be anyone else," he panted, breaking away from kissing Castiel to look up into his eyes, dark with lust and the hottest thing Dean had ever seen.

Castiel gasped, pressing his head to Dean's shoulder and letting his hot breath flow over the other's skin in short bursts as he tried to steady his breathing. He ground against Dean to the point he could feel his arousal building all too quickly. He stiffened, letting out a long, low moan as he came right there in his boxers. His body collapsing against Dean's before rolling off of him once his orgasm had ridden out. It took a while for Castiel to realize just how quickly he'd come and he blushed deeply. "Sorry. It's- It's been a while," he mumbled shyly.

Dean's head tilted back, mouth open wide in a breathless moan as he felt Castiel grinding against him perfectly, and he knew he was dangerously close to coming. When Cas reached his orgasm right then, Dean growled in frustration and cried out when he came as well, the noises Cas was making and the way his body trembled and shuddered against Dean was enough to bring him right over the edge, every muscle in his body tight, toes curling and legs tense. He gasped for breath and then collapsed back against the mattress, stroking one hand through Castiel's hair and fisting the bedsheets in the other.

Castiel was breathing breathlessly as the other stroked his hair tenderly. "I love you so much, kitten," Castiel murmured, leaning in to kiss Dean briefly. He leant back on his stomach, face buried in the pillow as he breathed deeply. He felt so loved and warm and everything they'd done was something he'd been wanting to do for months now. He reached blindly for Dean's hand and squeezed it briefly before sighing deep into the pillows.

Dean held onto Castiel's hand and brought it up to his lips to press a light kiss slowly to each fingertip, each knuckle, and then he trailed his lips slowly up Castiel's hand to his wrist and pressed one last kiss there, right over the veins. He couldn't stop smiling, and he felt more satisfied and complete than he ever had in life, and it was because Cas was here with him and they picking up the broken shards of their lives and building each other up. They were together again, and it was clearly what they both needed.

Castiel smiled as Dean pressed his lips to his skin. He dipped his head as he pressed a gentle kiss to Dean's forehead and lifted his head to claim Dean's lips. "Will you stay?" he asked quietly, rubbing Dean's back. He knew the answer but there was still a small part of him that thought this wasn't real. That Dean would leave and never come back. He closed his eyes and tightened his grip on Dean. Wanting nothing more than to fall asleep with the man in his arms.

"Always," Dean replied in a whisper, closing his eyes and nudging his nose gently along Castiel's jaw. "Forever." It was the most honest truth. He needed Cas and Cas needed him, and they were stronger when they were together. It was obvious now, and Dean couldn't believe he hadn't seen it before. He'd thrown away the one good thing he had, and couldn't believe he was fortunate enough to get it back. "I'm the luckiest guy in the world," he said with a soft smile, "Thanks for not giving up on me."

Castiel smiled sweetly, nuzzling at Dean's neck. "I would never give up on you, kitten," he murmured, pressing a small kiss to the skin. His arms snaking around Dean's middle and his other hand pressing down at the base of Dean's skull. Thumbing the hairline there in small circles. He loved being able to hold Dean like this. Being so close to him and whilst protecting and keeping the other safe. "I love you," he said, although he knew Dean knew this. He just wanted to say it out loud because he could. He closed his eyes tiredly, ignoring the discomfort in his boxers and falling asleep in Dean's arms.

Dean smiled and leaned into Castiel's touch, his body going completely relaxed as they held each other comfortably. He buried his nose in Castiel's hair and sighed contentedly. Everything was finally working out, and Dean knew that they would be okay. After everything they'd suffered through, one thing had been learned. They needed each other and loved each other more than anyone ever had or ever will, and they should be together for the rest of their lives.

Castiel woke up with a bright smile. His arm slung over Dean's body and his face pressed against his shoulder. He hummed softly, nuzzling against the warm skin in content. "Dean," he mumbled softly, more like a prayer against the other's chest as he continued to worship the other with soft kisses and touches. The sun was still coming up and Dean was certainly still asleep. He smiled as he looked over his boyfriend with admiration. How gorgeous he was and how lucky someone like Castiel was to have someone like Dean.

Dean awoke very slowly, and he didn't want to move. He was so comfortable, his body entwined with Castiel's and endless warm skin pressed softly against his, the addictive scent of Castiel surrounding him and the comfortable weight of an arm draped over his chest. As Dean awoke more, he could feel the soft press of lips and light fingers gently skimming over his body, and he could feel the moist warmth of Castiel's breath and the vibrations when he spoke. He stretched contentedly, a lazy smile on his face. "Morning," he mumbled, his voice rough from sleep.

Castiel smiled softly, nudging his nose against the dip beneath Dean's adam's apple and inhaling the sent before kissing the skin softly. "Morning," he said, his accent more or less back to normal after being back in America for a while now. He squeezed Dean tightly, pressing their entwined bodies closer together, basking in the warmth that Castiel had yarned so long for.

Dean sighed happily and squeezed Castiel back, wrapping his legs around him more tightly and burying his face in Castiel's hair. "I missed this," he said softly, tracing his fingers absently over the well-defined curves and muscles in Castiel's back, shoulders, and arms. "I don't ever wanna get up."

Castiel shivered slightly, the curves of his winged tattoo moving to give the illusion of flight. "Me neither," he mumbled into Dean's chest. "But we gotta get up. You promised you'd go study again with Sam today and I've gotta go to work," he mumbled tiredly, not in the mood to get up at all. "You can see me again tonight," he haggled, pressing a small kiss to Dean's shoulder.

Dean groaned and halfheartedly untangled himself from Cas, shivering as the cool air in the room hit his warm skin as he lost contact with Castiel's body. "I'll hold you to that," he said with a teasing grin. He stood up and found his clothes in a pile on the floor where they'd been thrown last night. He needed a shower after that, and he put his wrinkled clothes on. He went back to the bed and sat back down beside Castiel, wrapping him up in the blanket and pulling him closer for a kiss. "Sam's going to bitch at me for wasting time," he whispered, "I'll see you tonight."

Castiel watched as Dean got dressed, smiling shyly as he observed his boyfriend's glorious form. Sure, it wasn't as athletic as it used to be. He was still skinny but not unhealthily so, but Castiel didn't care. Dean was beautiful and he loved him. Nothing else mattered. When Dean leaned back in for a kiss he hummed, closing his eyes for a moment before tugging gently at Dean's hair keeping him in place. "Thank you for making me forget," he whispered, pressing a long, soft kiss to Dean's lips. Castiel had spent so long avoiding this room. He was grateful Dean still had that kind of power to help him overcome his fears and anxieties.

Dean smiled softly and a warm feeling spread through him. He stroked his hand through Castiel's hair, making it stick up at random angles. "I love you," was his reply, and he smiled widely at Cas as he backed away enough to look him in the eyes. He looked around the room and at the bed, which had held bad memories and fears and was tainted by the poison of everything Lucifer had done here. Dean and Cas were going to fix that one step at a time, by covering it up with good memories like this night they'd shared and waking up in each other's arms.

Castiel giggled softly at the way Dean played with his hair. For so long Dean had made it his own personal goal to fix his hair and now here he was comfortably screwing it up. "I love you too," he murmured in a gentle tone, loving and nurturing. He ran his hand down Dean's arm before letting go and sitting back on his hands to look at Dean. "I'll see you tonight, kitten," he agreed with a small nod.

Dean smiled and leaned in for one more quick kiss before standing and leaving the room. He went outside and got into his car to drive home, and when he got there Sam was waiting for him at the door with Dad's toolbox, several paint rollers and brushes and cans of paint. Dean grinned at Sam and put the car in park, not even bothering to go inside and get cleaned up since they were going to be painting and getting messy anyway. "I got two cans of that light tan color you were looking at, it's called "Caramel Cream" and sounds like it should be a dessert, not a paint color. You didn't just pick it because of the name, did you?" Sam said as he packed the things into the car. "I actually really like the color," Dean protested, "It'll look good with anything. Did you get the Midnight Blue?" Sam nodded and tapped the can. "Yep." Dean grinned in approval and began driving away for a long day of hard work.

Castiel managed to drag himself out of bed once Dean had left. He showered, ate and went to work. He'd been working at the bakery for a little over two weeks and he finally got a name tag and his own official locker. Today was a good day. He fiddled with the name tag, 'Jimmy' beaming loud and proud. His manager gave an uncertain look. "Are you sure, you know your papers said.." he'd begun but Castiel cut him off. "I know, sir. It's just, Jimmy's a sorta nickname. People find it easier to say and all that," Castiel lied with ease. His manager had nodded and gone back to work out back. Castiel was glad there wasn't going to be a problem. After coming back from France, not many people had recognised him. He'd changed for good and wasn't willing to go back and advertise himself as something he wasn't. He wasn't hiding. He just thought this way would be easier. He'd have his peace.

Sam and Dean set up for painting the walls. They'd already gotten the heating and cooling systems installed and redone the wiring, with some help from Sam's friend Adam, and they were ready to paint the walls. They covered the floors with tarps and then set about painting the walls the "caramel cream" color, which was a pale golden tan and very calming. They painted the wall behind the double bed a deep midnight blue, and the wall to the side of it a very pale olive green that the paint store owner had recommended, according to Sam. The effect was beautiful, and Dean couldn't wait to see the small cabin transformed into a cozy little house. They still needed kitchen appliances and a few luxuries like a television and stereo might be nice.

Castiel smiled when closing time came. He picked up a few pieces of cheesecake and a loaf of bread and putt them in a bag to go. His manager let him take what they didn't sell, otherwise it would go off anyway. He was just about to go out back and change out of his uniform when someone came into the store. "I'm sorry we're closed," he said absently, wiping the flour from his forehead. "No matter. I'm not here for your buns anyways," a familiar voice purred. He frowned, turning around to see Lisa standing confidently in front of him with a beaming grin. "I'm here for your boyfriend's."

They had to wait around for the first coat of paint to dry on the walls, and then they did a second coat and were done with it. Dean was very pleased with the results and hoped Cas would like it, because Dean wasn't very artistic and had no experience doing interior design. With Dean working extra shifts at the garage, their budget for this house was a little bigger, and Sam was working on setting up an electricity source, a generator out back that would provide power to the house at a relatively low cost. They went home that evening, covered in paint and exhausted, and Dean immediately went into the shower and tried to scrub all the paint off, but there was a stubborn smudge of midnight blue on his neck that absolutely would not come off.

It took a moment for Castiel to work out what was going on. "I..excuse me?" he asked, still not understanding. Lisa grinned, pressing herself against the glass counter so she could rest his arms on top of it. "Your boyfriend and I, well, we kinda had a little thing while you were away and well, you know the rest," she smirked with a light hearted chuckle that seemed to say more than Castiel cared for. "Yes, well. He's with me now," Castiel said simply, not wanting to make a big deal out of this. "I'd appreciate it if you left now." Lisa, for her part, merely held up her hands in surrender. "I'm not here to steal him, sweetie," she lied. "I just wanna invite you guys out for dinner. Me, you, Dean and Tina. Like a double date," she winked. "Come on, it'll be fun." Castiel remained silent to which Lisa didn't seem too offended. Merely shrugged and said, "8:30, Friday at the diner in town. The offer is still there." Then she left, Castiel shrugged off the conversation like it hadn't happened, picked up his food and went back home, excited to see Dean again.

Dean gave up on trying to remove the paint mark, because all he was succeeding in doing was making his skin red and blotchy with all the scrubbing, so he just gave up and decided to wear a scarf to cover it up. It was definitely cold enough to wear a scarf outside, and he managed to make it look relatively natural even though he was the type of guy who hardly ever wore scarves. He texted Cas to let him know he was coming over, and he left a few minutes later, looking forward to spending another night with Cas.

Castiel had managed to change and put out a little picnic set up in the main room. He'd lit candles, made them sandwiches, even played some P!nk in the background to set the mood. It was perfect. A nice night in with his boyfriend and nothing could ruin that. Not that he'd told Dean what they were doing yet. He wanted it to be a surprise.

Dean knocked on the door and then let himself in to find Cas waiting in the main room, and he smiled in surprise at the setting of the room. There was a small picnic set up and candles flickered romantically, and there was music by P!nk playing quietly in the background. "Hey, baby, what's all this for?" He asked, walking over to Cas and giving him a kiss, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's waist.

Castiel grinned on seeing Dean entering the room. "Thought it'd be a nice surprise," he murmured quietly, pressing a soft kiss to Dean's lips and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's neck. "You've been doing so well with your recovery. I thought we should celebrate. I got some cheesecake from the bakery and made us some sandwiches." Castiel smiled brightly, excited at the notion of pleasing his boyfriend.

Dean grinned in excitement. "Cheesecake? What, are you still trying to fatten me up?" Dean loved cheesecake almost as much as he loved pie, but he hardly ever got to eat any. "I like you working in a bakery. You should bring home treats more often." Dean kissed Castiel lovingly and when he backed away he gently tweaked Castiel's lips with his thumb, smiling playfully at him. "You're awesome, baby."

"Nothing's too good for my Dean," he beamed, lacing his hand with Dean's and walking them over to the blanket and settling down next to the food with Dean beside him. 'Blow me one last kiss' played in the background and Castiel bobbed his head slightly in time with the music, singing softly under his breath as he fixed up the food and handed Dean a sandwich whilst he poured them both a soda.

Dean laughed quietly and sat down beside Cas, watching him hum along and bob his head slightly to the music. It was adorable, and Dean couldn't resist the urge to pull him over by the shoulder and plant a firm kiss on his cheek before sitting back in his spot and smiling happily at Cas. He took his sandwich and ate a nice large bite of it, moaning quietly around the food. He hadn't eaten in hours, and since Castiel returned his appetite had been increasing rapidly, and he was almost back to eating as much as he used to be able to.

Castiel blushed a little as Dean kissed his cheek adoringly. He took his own sandwich and ate with Dean, relaxing and just letting the music wash over him. It was nice to be able to do this with Dean again. Just listen to the music and hang out with his boyfriend without having to worry about anything. He finished his sandwich and washed it down with soda before taking out the piece of cheesecake he'd saved for them both and took a small piece on his fork and ate it appreciatively, watching Dean as he did so. He lips curling into a teasing grin around the fork.

Dean rolled his eyes affectionately and nudged Castiel's knee with his foot. "I'm afraid that this cheesecake has all kinds of advantages over you. You're no match for this dessert." Dean grinned and took a bite himself, smirking at Cas as he moaned around his large mouthful of cheesecake. "Damn, this is good," He said in appreciation, "Almost as good as sex." Sitting here with Castiel, just enjoying each other's company and a meal together, felt just like old times before everything had gone crazy.

Castiel smirked, almost letting out a snort as he laughed. "Not as good as sex with you," he retorted playfully, taking another bite of the dessert. He finished it quickly, too hungry to try to be sexy. Dean would only tease him anyway. He sighed, sitting back a bit as he let his body digest the food. After a moment of just enjoying Dean's company and listening to the music, he shuffled to kneel behind Dean. His hands snaking up the other's back and rested on his shoulders, kneading the muscles there slowly, much like the dough he kneaded in the shop. He pressed a timid kiss to the back of Dean's neck as he continued to massage his boyfriend. "You get your studies done with Sam today?" he queried gently.

Dean watched curiously as Cas moved around to kneel behind him, and he was confused until he felt Castiel rest his hands on his shoulders and start gently massaging the muscle. "Mm," he hummed as he relaxed under Castiel's hands and the muscles of his shoulders, tired and stiff from working out and painting. Suddenly he remembered the paint spot on his neck and he subtly tightened his scarf a little, hoping to keep it covered up. "Yeah, we got a lot done," he said absently.

Castiel hummed, nuzzling against the fabric of Dean's scarf. "You're so tense," he noticed. "My poor Dean, you been workin' hard, huh?" He shuffled again and sat to the side of Dean, spreading his legs to sit either side of Dean as he slotted against his side so he could work on his shoulder. "I'm so proud of you," he murmured, kissing Dean's cheek.

Dean blushed and huffed a small laugh, and he forced himself to relax as Cas moved to his side to knead his shoulder. He smiled over at Cas and nodded. "I did a ton of push-ups and weightlifting yesterday," he said, which was true, but not the only reason for his tense sore muscles. Dean looked down at Castiel's leg which was spread across his lap, and he stroked his calf muscle, fingers slipping under the fabric of his jeans to his skin under earth at his ankle.

"That's good, love. I'm so proud of you," he praised, nuzzling his nose against Dean's jaw as he pressed a lingering kiss to the skin there. "It's definitely showing," he grinned, teasing Dean and squeezing his bicep. He pulled off Dean's scarf to make it seem like Dean was actually going to stay. He continued working over the muscles, finding it easier now that the scarf was away. He frowned a little before laughing. "And you say I'm bad for getting paint everywhere. How did you even manage this?" he asked, pressing a kiss to Dean's neck.

Dean blushed harder and rubbed absently at the paint. How was he going to explain this one? "Art project," he said sheepishly, "Sam was working on a poster for school and he got paint on me because he's a messy little bitch. He glanced over at Cas with a small smile, hoping he wouldn't ask any further questions. "That feels amazing," he murmured, leaning his head forward and closing his eyes, hoping to distract Castiel from the topic of the paint.

Castiel just chuckled, shaking his head. "You're adorable," he murmured, dipping his head and moving Dean's hand away to kiss at his neck. His hand snaking down from his shoulder to rest over the other's heart. He could feel the ring beneath the shirt and he bit his lip anxiously, moving away enough to look at Dean. "Does it fit yet?" he asked quietly. "Not that- you don't have to wear it. I just thought-doesn't matter. I'm sorry." He dipped his head in embarrassment, fiddling with the neckline of Dean's shirt before going back to massaging Dean absently.

Dean put his hand over Castiel's on his shoulder and with his other hand he pulled the ring out on the chain. Every day, he slipped it onto his finger where it belonged, but it was still too loose and slid off. "I want to wear it," Dean insisted, looking at the ring and sliding it onto his finger. It fit much better than it used to, but his fingers were still too thin. "I don't want it to fall off. I'm keeping it safe on the chain until I gain back more weight. Almost there," he said, looking over his shoulder at Cas with a soft smile, holding up his hand with the ring on it.

Castiel let out a small breath in relief. They hadn't really talked about becoming engaged again or having all the things they'd talked about before their break-up. He was so glad Dean wanted him still. Even after everything. He still needed him. "You'll get there," he smiled, placing the ring back on Dean's chain around his neck so he could take both his boyfriend's hands and press one kiss to the front of each hand. _We'll get there. _The implication lying heavy between them. They both knew it was more than just Dean's recovery. It was about their relationship's recovery too. And Castiel was willing to do everything in his power to help make it right.

Dean watched with a soft smile as Castiel carefully took both of his hands and kissed them. Dean's hands looked thinner than Castiel's, somewhat delicate in Castiel's hands, and Dean was still amazed at the differences they'd both gone through. Cas was bigger and stronger and Dean had lost weight and was more fragile now. When they had met, it was the opposite. Dean smiled shyly and leaned forward to brush his lips against Castiel's.

Castiel smiled against Dean's lips, the tip of his nose squishing a little against Dean's. He pulled away just enough to look at Dean. His cheeks flushing red just enough to be visible in the candlelight. He let go of Dean's hands and placed one on Dean's knee. The other stroking across Dean's cheek, snaking around to rest at the base of his skull, in his hair. Fingers tangling lightly with the short strands of dirty blonde hair. _I love you. _Words that didn't even need to be said as they gazed into each other's eyes, enjoying one another's company.

Dean shivered in pleasure as Castiel's hands touched him, one resting on his knee and the other ghosting over his face and hair. He smiled softly at Cas and tangled his fingers with the hand on his knee, and they looked at each other for a long moment before Dean blushed and giggled slightly, leaning forward to bump his nose against Castiel's and wrap his arms around him. He nuzzled against Castiel's jaw and sighed contentedly. "You're really great, you know that?" He murmured affectionately.

Castiel laughed a little with Dean, the man's laughter was infectious, much like his carefree smile. "Thanks, kitten," he murmured back. "I think you're really great too. You've been a true inspiration to me. You're my Dean and I love you." He nuzzled his nose against Dean's temple, pressing a soft kiss there as he wrapped his arms around Dean. Both of them just holding one another, basking in the warmth. "You wanna go up to bed?" he offered quietly, rubbing Dean's back soothingly.

"Sure," Dean murmured, closing his eyes and leaning into Castiel's warm body. They sat there for another moment just enjoying each other's proximity, and then Dean reluctantly pulled away when his foot started to fall asleep. He stood and pulled Cas up with him, and Dean grabbed the front of Castiel's shirt and pulled him closer gently for another tender kiss.

Castiel smiled against Dean's lips, instinctively wrapping his arms around the other to keep him close. He pulled away, chuckling softly as he laced his hand with Dean's. He led them upstairs and into his bedroom, sitting Dean down on the edge of the bed, he kissed his luscious lips once before stepping away and into the bathroom. He took a moment just to compose himself, looking in the mirror and seeing nothing but himself. No Jimmy. No bad memories. Just him. The new Castiel. "You can do this," he told himself with a reassuring nod. He took a deep breath and returned to the bedroom, smiling brightly at Dean as he leant shyly against the doorframe.

Dean kissed Castiel back as he sat on the edge of the bed where Cas wanted him, and he waited curiously as Cas went into the bathroom and then came out a moment later. Dean held his hand out and wiggled his fingers for Castiel to come closer, a small smile on his face. Cas looked adorably shy and sweet, hesitating in the doorway and leaning against the doorframe like that, and Dean wanted to kiss him over and over and over.

Castiel dipped his head, laughing quietly as he examined the floor. He looked back up to see Dean still holding hands out like a needy toddler. He tiptoed over to Dean, sitting carefully in his lap and pressing a timid kiss to his lips, obviously much more nervous than before. His hand stroking Dean's hair and the other wrapped around his middle and hand resting solidly on his back.

Dean smiled and rested his hands on Castiel's thighs as he settled down on his lap, and he kissed him back just as gently as Cas was kissing him. He rubbed random patterns into Castiel's knees and thighs with his thumbs, loving the weight of Cas above him, solid and hard and body heat soaking through their clothes as their breath mingled and their lips brushed timidly, exploring and learning each other again even though they'd already made out in this very bed.

Castiel continued to hold and kiss Dean, taking his time and trying to stay calm. He was nervous. Sure, they'd done things in this bed. Done things since they united but Castiel was nervous still. He hadn't been with anyone since Dean's birthday almost four months ago when they'd made love in this very bed. He'd healed and recovered but he'd still waited in hope that Dean would come back to him. Maurice had been there for him. They'd even shared a kiss at the airport but it wasn't the same. He didn't feel that way about him. He knew Maurice did but Castiel hadn't been comfortable sleeping with him. He had to be sure and he just wasn't. It would have been purely a comfort thing and Castiel couldn't use Maurice like that. Not after everything he'd done for him. Maybe that's why Castiel had kissed him. Because he wanted to show the boy just how much he love and cared for him, how grateful he was because in some small way, Castiel knew once he went back to America. Back to Dean. He'd never come back.

Castiel was trembling. It was barely noticeable, but his body felt tense and his movements felt stiff and uncertain, and Dean gently pushed him away by the shoulders to meet his eyes reassuringly. "It's okay, Cas," he promised, rubbing his arms up and down comfortingly. "We don't have to do this if you're not ready." Even though they'd made love in this bed very recently, Dean thought that maybe it was still too soon and Cas wasn't comfortable with it yet, and Dean didn't want them to do anything they'd regret.

Castiel smiled shyly. Dean always knew how to assure him. Make him feel wanted yet give him the freedom to breath if the attention was too much. Dean knew exactly how to treat him and he could not be more grateful. He felt guilty at times for making Dean wait so long. He pressed another tender kiss to Dean's lips, tracing Dean's waist with one hand. "I know," he said softly, curling a hand beneath Dean's shirt and flattening it over the hot skin of Dean's back.

Dean shivered in pleasure and involuntarily arched into Castiel, leaning into his touch and pressing their chests closer together, hands tightening on Castiel's shoulders momentarily before he relaxed them and slid his hands down to Castiel's waist. He felt warm with anticipation and want, but he was going at Castiel's pace and didn't want to reverse the fragile progress they'd made. "Cas," Dean murmured warningly, not wanting him to go ahead with this if he didn't feel 100% comfortable with it, and it was getting harder for Dean to keep his hands from wandering and from kissing Castiel hard.

Castiel smiled softly, stroking a hand through Dean's hair. "It's okay," he assured, voice breathy and gentle. He wanted this. He needed this. He hadn't been intimate with Dean in so long. After what happened with Lucifer. Well. It'd been so long and he felt like he owed Dean this. For being so patient and caring. He needed to show Dean would they could be. What they can be. He took Dean's hand and placed it over his thigh, near his crotch, taking in a long breath and smiling widely at Dean he breathed, "I want this."

Dean watched, holding his breath as Castiel took his hand and placed it right near the crotch of his pants, but he didn't dare move it closer just yet. He stared down at his hand for a moment and then looked up at Cas with a questioning look, and he saw the answer in his eyes. He gave Cas an answering smile and leaned up to capture his lips in a heated, slow kiss, his hand slowly sliding over Castiel's crotch and rubbing slowly, pressing down just hard enough to make Castiel want more. Their mouths tangled in a hot slide of tongues and lips, and Dean grabbed Castiel's thighs and pulled him a little closer up on his lap.

Castiel let his eyes close and his other senses take over. The heat of Dean's body pressed against his own making him fidget and wiggle as he rutted his hips slowly against Dean's hand. His own hands sliding into Dean's hair to hold him close as he spent his time exploring Dean's mouth all over again. It was slow and delicious and everything Castiel needed right now. He hummed pleasantly, pressing closer and moving his lips down to suck lightly at Dean's neck.

Dean gasped for air when they broke apart, the slow friction of Castiel writhing in his lap making him feel hot and needy. He slipped his hands up under Castiel's shirt and gripped Castiel's hips, encouraging him to use more pressure and really rub against him, because Cas was being torturously slow right now, but that was what they needed. They couldn't afford to go fast, they needed to take their time and make it last. Castiel's mouth was hot on his neck and Dean groaned, head tipping back and eyes closing in pleasure.

Castiel sighed, feeling Dean's hands beneath his shirt. He bit his lip anxiously as he moved away just enough to pull his shirt over his head. As a result, lifting his arms and revealing his scars beneath his arm in the process. He quickly discarded of the shirt and put his arms back down, embarrassed to have Dean see them again. He blushed and hid his face in Dean's neck, kissing the skin there and sucking on it just enough to make a mark.

Dean smiled softly and looked appreciatively at Castiel's body, loving the way his muscles rippled as he took off his shirt and tossed it away. Before Cas could lower his arm, Dean grabbed his arm and held it there, leaning forward to gently pass his lips over the scars, pressing a tender kiss to each one. "You look so good," he breathed, biting his lip and grinning happily when Cas sucked at his neck, marking him as his.

Castiel sighed, feeling Dean's hands beneath his shirt. He bit his lip anxiously as he moved away just enough to pull his shirt over his head. As a result, lifting his arms and revealing his scars beneath his arm in the process. He quickly discarded of the shirt and put his arms back down, embarrassed to have Dean see them again. He blushed and hid his face in Dean's neck, kissing the skin there and sucking on it just enough to make a mark.

Dean smiled softly and looked appreciatively at Castiel's body, loving the way his muscles rippled as he took off his shirt and tossed it away. Before Cas could lower his arm, Dean grabbed his arm and held it there, leaning forward to gently pass his lips over the scars, pressing a tender kiss to each one. "You look so good," he breathed, biting his lip and grinning happily when Cas sucked at his neck, marking him as his.

Castiel blushed, it felt so intimate for Dean to kiss him there. So many memories. Some Dean had witnessed. Other's he'd never mentioned. And maybe never would. Dean didn't need to know about them. Not now anyway. He moved up Dean's body and kissed him deeply, just taking a moment before removing Dean's shirt and pressing frantic, hot kisses everywhere. Over his scars and lean figure. He looked gorgeous. He was perfect because of his imperfections. He was his Dean and his alone.

Dean gasped and fell back on the bed as soon as he was free of his shirt, and he pulled Cas on top of him, moaning and panting breathlessly as Cas kissed him everywhere, his mouth hot and perfect and everything Dean needed. Whenever Castiel moved to a different spot on Dean's body, Dean whimpered at the loss of contact but moaned in pleasure when Castiel's mouth found a new spot. Dean tangled his hands in Castiel's hair and wrapped his legs around his waist, wishing their pants were off but not wanting to be the one to initiate it, because he didn't want to move too fast and freak Cas out.

Castiel was panting heavily and his hair was sticking up everywhere once he looked up to smile at Dean. "Gorgeous," he breathed, nudging his nose against Dean's collarbone. It stuck out more than it used to but Castiel didn't care. He still thought he was hot. He trailed a hand down and cupped Dean's crotch, rubbing against him with his hand, keeping Dean interested, teasing him still. "Like that baby?" he teased, kissing Dean softly.

Dean let out a surprisingly loud moan as Cas cupped him, and he tossed his head back, panting hard and tightening his legs around Cas. He nodded desperately, biting his lip. "Naked," he ordered, "Please." His fingers were fumbling at Castiel's pants and his own pants, but he wasn't getting anywhere. His hands felt too clumsy and slow, and all he could focus on was the heat building in his body and his cock pressing uncomfortably against his jeans.

Castiel smirked, moving away completely, standing up and wriggling out of his jeans. He helped Dean off with his as well as both their boxers until they were both naked. That's when Castiel stopped, taking a deep breath and sitting on the bed next to Dean, barely touching him. He was sat on his side and just looking over Dean's impressive form, trailing a finger over the other's scarred chest. "Kitten, you sure you wanna do this?" he asked quietly. He wanted to make sure everything was okay between them. It'd been so long and Dean had been with other people since then. He was nervous to say the least.

Dean watched eagerly as Castiel stripped, and he kicked his own pants off and then they were completely naked together for the first time in months. Dean looked at Castiel and felt his already hard cock twitch in interest and he hissed, pressing a palm against it. He was desperate to feel Castiel against him once more, feel united physically. He didn't care what they did, he just needed to touch Cas and have Cas touch him. But Cas hesitated and sat down beside him stiffly, completely naked and just sitting there. It would have been funny if Castiel's expression didn't give his emotions away. "Only if you want to," Dean insisted, physically forcing himself from throwing himself at Castiel and humping him.

"I do," he insisted with a quick nod as if Dean thought he'd changed his mind. "It's just," he began nervously, biting his lip and looking away briefly. "What if you don't like it anymore? What if I'm not as good as Lisa? I don't want to be compared to her but what if you can't help that? I just...I want it to be about us and all I can think about is you being with her.." Damn Lisa for coming into the bakery. This was all her fault for putting thoughts into his head.

Dean frowned and grabbed Castiel's hand, moving closer and shifting on the bed so he was facing Cas. "Baby, Lisa doesn't matter anymore. Yes, I had sex with her but she's actually kind of a bitch and not that great in bed, to be honest. You set the bar high, Cas. I swear that anything you do will be infinitely better than Lisa." Dean leaned closer until his lips touched Castiel's ear and he slid his hand low on Castiel's belly, just barely brushing against his cock. "Please," he begged, "You're killing me here, it's been months. I need you."

Castiel swallowed thickly as Dean shifted on the bed to be closer to him. He nodded in understanding, still feeling a little like second best but tried to push the thought aside. "I need you too," he whispered, still looking away. "I just...It's hard." Lisa was beautiful and everything Dean could have wanted. Had wanted. He'd gone back to her. What was there to stop him from doing it again? Trust Castiel to get this antsy before what could be a great night and fuck things up.

"Cas," Dean said, more firmly. He grabbed Castiel's face gently and turned him so their eyes met. "I missed you and I never wanted anyone else but you. I hooked up with Lisa to distract me from missing you, because it was driving me crazy, and it kind of worked but I felt like shit. And that's when everything got really fucked up." Dean looked into Castiel's eyes pleadingly. "Cas, I am so, so sorry," he said desperately, "I never thought I'd get to have you back, and I thought I needed a distraction, but what I really needed was you. Please take me back, I'm so sorry. You're the only one I want."

Castiel smiled sadly. He believed Dean. Truly he did. Dean was a very physical person. Not very good with words. If he missed Castiel then there was no way he could talk it out. Castiel was the closest person to him and even then it was hard to talk about his feelings. True feelings. Like how he felt about his mom. True, personal things. So when Dean was alone, Castiel could understand he'd need someone to take Castiel's place but it didn't mean it didn't hurt any less. "Then...why didn't you come find me? Contact me? If I'm all you want then why did you let me go? I just...I don't understand," Castiel said, finally letting out all his concerns and doubts. Trying to ignore they were still naked. And that he was sporting a raging boner.

Dean sighed and dropped his hands as the heat of the moment faded slowly. "I wanted to," he whispered, looking down at the floor and running his hands through his hair. "God, I wanted to. But I just couldn't, I was..." He didn't even know how to put the feeling into words and he had to think for a moment. "I thought it would just be easier to move on, but that was the worst decision of my life. I was scared I'd mess everything up again and you'd never want me back. Sam read me your postcards every time they came, and you were happy there. You'd managed to move on and live your life, and I couldn't. I just felt pathetic and there was no way you'd ever take me back if you saw me then. I missed you so much, Cas."

Castiel sat up with Dean and kissed his shoulder, still keeping a space between them. "Honey, I'm sorry," he whispered sadly. "I could never move on, not without you there with me. Yeah, I was happy. Got my life back on track after Lucifer but...it's just not the same without you." He looked down at the floor and sighed heavily. "But you're such an idiot at times," he laughed affectionately. "I would have taken you back, even if you'd shrunk to three feet tall and had webbed feet. I love you Dean."

Dean bit his lip and looked up at Cas timidly. He made a face at Castiel's last comment and then carefully leaned towards him to rest his forehead on Castiel's shoulder. "I love you too much for my own good," Dean said lightly, smiling shyly into Castiel's shoulder. His hand wandered over to Castiel's and he tangled their fingers together. They sat like that for a moment before Dean looked up in frustration. "Okay, we talked. Now can we please make out and make up? And maybe include some more intense activities with that? I'm dying here."

Castiel rolled his eyes, "Always the romantic." He tilted his head to capture Dean's lips carefully and kiss him briefly before moving further up the bed and moving Dean with him. Castiel laid on his back, dragging Dean to lay above him as they continued to kiss, building up to what they'd had earlier.

Dean groaned in relief and positioned himself above Cas, bracing his elbows on either side of Castiel's head and lowering himself so their bodies were flush, and he kissed Cas with all his being. He kissed him like the world was ending and he'd never get another chance, because he hadn't thought he ever would.

Castiel sighed, running his hands through Dean's hair. His hair so soft and short where it had been once long and dirty. He still couldn't believe that was the same man he'd found in the graveyard. So small and fragile. It made Castiel's heart swell to think he was the reason Dean was better. Alive. Then again, Dean had done the same for him countless times. They needed each other. Castiel hummed at the thought and continued to kiss Dean like he had no intention of ever letting go. His hips rutting gently against Dean's in an attempt to heat things up again.

Dean sighed and met Castiel's slow thrusts, matching up with the rhythm of Castiel's body and inhaling each of Castiel's exhales. He braced himself on his elbows, with his forearms on either side of Castiel's head. His hands gripped at Castiel's hair and his shoulders hunched as he lowered his head down to kiss him hard, and he slid one hand down Castiel's side to his thigh and tugged his leg up to wrap around Dean's waist, hoping Cas would get the idea. He twisted his hips slightly and moaned into Castiel's hot mouth at the incredible slide of skin on skin.

Castiel groaned softly, wrapping his legs around Dean's waist when instructed. The heat was almost unbearable but Castiel loved it. He felt dizzy and intoxicated being wrapped up in Dean. He bit his lip, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to keep himself under control. "Dean," he whimpered, breathlessly, reaching a hand up to stroke Dean's face as he carefully manouvered them so Dean was on his back with Castiel above him. "I...I want you," he whispered nervously, looking down at Dean with big trusting eyes. "Do...Can we..."

Dean whimpered when Cas turned them over, and he clung to his shoulders and tugged him down for more kissing. "Yes," he whispered, "Please, Cas." He grabbed Castiel's hips and pulled him down, desperate for any kind of friction. "Fuck me," he ordered breathlessly. Cas was right there and Dean wanted to feel Cas inside him once more. "Just do it, baby," Dean begged, wrapping his fingers around Castiel's cock and teasing him.

Castiel gasped, Dean sounded so needy and desperate and it was turning him on like crazy. He moaned when the other teased his cock and he slumped against Dean. Head pressed against his shoulder whilst his hand fumbled for the lube in his nightstand. He squirted a little onto his fingertips and teased Dean's hole as he kissed him hard. "Just relax, love. I'll take good care of you," he promised, knowing it might hurt a little after not having done anything for so long.

Dean gasped and fisted the sheets in both hands as Castiel touched him where he hadn't been touched in so long. His body shuddered and arched off the bed, his pulse pounding in his ears as his whole body felt tight and hot, dangerously close to coming. He bit his lip and went still for a few seconds, just trying to breathe and cool down a little bit, and then he sighed and tried to relax the sensitive area around his hole as Castiel's finger teased him. His body remembered Castiel and opened up for him, much to Dean's relief.

"That's it, tiger," he murmured, pushing in a digit slowly. "Just relax." He kissed Dean again, making sure he was enjoying himself and not being as nervous and tense as Castiel felt. He pushed in his finger, slowly thrusting it in and out as he began to stretch Dean back open. Making sure he kept kissing and touching Dean as he did so. His lips brushed against Dean's jaw as he rubbed up against him slowly. His cock rubbing against Dean's thigh to release some of the strain as he pushed in a second finger.

Dean hissed slightly in pain, the feeling somewhat unfamiliar to him since it had been months, but he ignored his discomfort and instead just concentrated on kissing Cas, sucking his tongue into his mouth and exploring Castiel's mouth all over again. He reached down to his cock and pumped it slowly, which helped distract him from the discomfort of Castiel's fingers preparing his hole. Soon, he felt the muscles around his rim relax, and then he was impatient. "Okay," He gasped, grinding down against Castiel's hand, "I'm good, baby. I'm ready."

Castiel took his time working Dean open, stroking down his side with his free hand as he kissed Dean into relaxation. Once Dean said he was ready, Castiel took another moment just to make sure. He didn't want to ruin things. Tonight had to be perfect. Make them closer again. He reached for the condom on the side of the bed and rolled it on carefully. He didn't want to say anything but Dean had been sleeping around lately. It wasn't something they'd talked about but Castiel was going to have to ask Dean to get checked before they could do anything skin on skin. He kissed Dean deeply as he slowly pushed the head of his cock into his entrance, stifling a moan at the sensations. "So good," he breathed into Dean's ear.

Dean whined in confusion as Cas moved away and then put on a condom, but he understood. Dean could've caught something from all his sleeping around, and he hadn't been careful. There were a few times he hooked up with Lisa that he didn't even bother with a condom, both of them too drunk or high to care, and he realized that was a mistake and he wasn't thinking back then. But it still felt incredible when Cas slowly pushed into him, and he moaned loudly into Castiel's mouth. "Fuck," he gasped, writhing on the bed and pressing his heels against Castiel's ass, desperate for him to push in and start moving already.

Castiel moaned breathlessly, pressing an open mouth kiss to Dean's jaw as he pushed in further until he was deep inside Dean without hurting him. He began moving slowly, biting his lip to stop from coming. He was so close. Just from being so close to Dean. It'd been so long. He took his time, hitting Dean's prostate in slow, firm thrusts but he soon lost it, coming suddenly with a gasp and collapsing on top of Dean. His arms unable to keep him up for much longer. He tried his best to keep up his movements until Dean was satisfied but he felt sick. He felt wrong. "I'm sorry," he whispered. He pulled out, taking off the condom and throwing it in the trash before moving away, taking the sheet with him, bunched up around his hips and locked himself in the bathroom.

Dean couldn't believe this was finally happening. Cas was inside him, fucking him slowly, and every movement was a taste of perfection. Naturally, it didn't last long and Dean came only a moment after Cas did, but something was wrong. Cas wasn't looking at him, and then he was moving away from him, leaving Dean feeling cold and alone. He could only watch in confusion as Castiel threw away the condom and went into the bathroom without looking back, and Dean tried to stop the flare of disappointment and hurt that ached in his chest. He sat up and put on his boxers, sitting on the edge of the bed thinking for a moment, and giving Cas time to think as well. After a few minutes of uncertain hesitation, Dean stood up and padded to the bathroom door. He knocked, not even bothering to try the door because Cas obviously didn't want him in there right now. "Cas, what's wrong? Did I do something?"

Castiel had slid to the floor and was now drowning in the cotton sheets that pooled around his crossed legs. He closed his eyes, letting the cool air of the tiled room wash over him for a moment, trying to calm himself after what had happened. _Cas, what's wrong. Did I do something? _Yeah, you fucked Lisa. That's what's wrong. "I just need a minute," he lied, standing up on shaky legs and padding towards the sink. He pressed his palms over the rim of the porcelain sink, fingers curling over the edge and turning his knuckles white. His sex tussled hair sticking up and his blown out pupils staring back at him through the water stained mirror. God, what a mess. Who would ever want him? Was this supposed to be sexy? Did Dean think this was hot? Dean was probably doing him a favour. Probably felt bad for him after everything that happened. Who could blame him? If your boyfriend had been raped you'd sure pity him to. Castiel ran a hand through his hair and let out a shaky breath. He collected himself, just enough to be able to walk back to the door and pick up his sheet, wrapping it back around his muscular form. He opened the door just enough to be able to tell Dean to leave. "I want you to go now," his voice was quiet and soft. Despite his new body, he was still the same quiet, paranoid Castiel he'd always been. It just didn't show as much anymore. Only when things mattered.

A tight knot of dread was forming in Dean's stomach, and he swallowed hard as he stood close to the door, wrapping his arms around his chest and shivering. He stood outside the door silently for a long time, unmoving and listening to Castiel move around through the door. When the door opened, Dean stepped back to give Cas room, but what Castiel said made him stop in his tracks and he braced his foot in the doorway to prevent Cas from closing it in his face again. "Cas, what the hell?" He asked in a flat tone. feeling anger and hurt from the rejection swell in his chest. "Why? What's the problem now?" Dean had waited months for this, and it was supposed to be perfect. They were supposed to love each other and be happy and fall asleep in each other's arms, wake up together. Cas was supposed to be the first thing Dean saw when he opened his eyes in the morning. "We can't keep doing this, Cas." Dean moved back from the doorway and sat down on the floor right in front of the bathroom door. He looked up at Cas with determination. "Fine, you don't have to talk. But I'm not moving until you at least explain what's going on. Take all the time you need."

Castiel swallowed thickly, dipping his head and tried to hide from Dean seeing as the man was going to let him close the door anytime soon. You fucked Lisa. What's not to get? If anything you should be telling me what's going on, his mind would say. But Castiel wasn't like that. He knew that would only make things worse. It was a miracle Dean was even still here. They'd had sex now. Surely there was nothing else left for Dean to gain. Why else would he have gone back to Lisa the moment he walked out the door? If Dean had wanted something else he would have fought for it. But he didn't even try. "I feel wrong," he said, voice almost lost to the sound of the soft drip of water escaping the tap. "I can't stop thinking of you with her," he said to elaborate.

Dean sighed sadly and stared down at his hands, absently picking at his fingernails. "Okay," he said slowly, "I'll try to explain this. I was with Lisa before I met you, and it was fun. We weren't anything special, just an average high school couple. You know, holding hands in the hallway and walking her to class and stuff. And yes, we had sex, but looking back on it I think the entire relationship was just for show. Lisa and I had been dating for a while and she was my first serious longtime girlfriend, but I didn't actually feel anything for her, you know? It kind of felt like we were just going through the motions sometimes, and ignoring each other's flaws. We didn't have the strongest connection, and it was a popularity thing for her. And I guess it was the same for me too, but there was no passion. We weren't in love, Cas. That's why I ended it with Lisa a little while after I met you. I actually broke up with her 9 days before prom, and she threw a bitch fit and went with some other guy as a way to get back at me, but I felt nothing because I was completely focused on you. And when you left, I thought there was nothing left. Lisa still wanted me, she never stopped wanting me, and it was just so easy to fall back into that. But I hated myself, Cas. I do hate myself for crawling back to her like a pathetic loser, and it just all spiraled out of control and I almost died."

Castiel wasn't sure when he'd opened the door properly. Or when he'd sat down with Dean and taken his hands in his. But that's where he'd found himself, comforting the one he loved because he did. He did love Dean. And he guessed that mattered more than anything else. His past with Lisa shouldn't matter. Because he loved Dean. "You shouldn't hate yourself," he said, barely a whisper. "I'm being silly. Possessive. You're only human. You did what you did. That shouldn't change us." He let go of Dean's hands and gave himself a minute to collect his sheet, wrapping it tighter around himself as he stood up. "I'm sorry," he whispered, looking down at Dean through thick lashes for a moment before moving away and resigning to Sam's room, just needing to be alone for a while.

Dean's eyes felt hot with the threat of tears, but he forced a smile and blinked them away. They'd shed enough tears lately, and Dean didn't want them to be unhappy anymore. He nodded in understanding and squeezed Castiel's hands back before Cas stood up and gathered the sheet around him once more and left the room, and this time Dean didn't follow. He didn't know if Cas wanted him to leave or stay, but Dean wasn't planning on leaving now. Once he was alone, he walked back to their bedroom and stood in the doorway. It was late, and he didn't feel right sleeping in the bed without Cas, so he took the blanket and curled up with it on the floor beside the bed instead.

Castiel spent half the night just staring at the wall. Even Amber refused to speak to him. Dean was only trying. He couldn't blame him for what he'd done. Eventually Amber gave up trying to retrieve her bed back from Castiel and pottered into the other room and snuggled up next to Dean. A soft mew escaping her as she tried to get comfortable. "Stupid cat," Castiel mumbled. Apparently everyone thought he was being crazy for thinking Dean had done wrong. It was finally three in the morning when Castiel decided to stop being a stubborn imbecile and just go and face Dean. He stood in the doorway uncertainly, the sheet still wrapped tightly around his waist as he wondered whether he should make himself known or just go back to bed, alone.

Dean slept restlessly and woke up several times for different reasons; he was cold and the floor was hard, but he didn't feel right going into the bed. He'd finally gotten comfortable when something soft tickled his bare skin, and he opened his eyes sleepily to find Amber snuggling up against his chest. He sighed and smiled softly, draping an arm over her and cradling the cat close to his chest as he fell back asleep quickly, comforted by the soft fur and warm body in his arms, the rumble of a gentle contented purr lulling him to sleep.

"Dean," he whispered to the darkness but got no reply. He could see the gentle rise and fall of Dean's chest to signify he was asleep. Castiel sighed, running a hand through his hair before delicately walking over to the bed and lying in the centre of it, looking down at Dean. His sheet draped across and tangled with his legs, exposing his chest. "Dean," he said again quietly, watching his love sleep restlessly with the comfort of his cat. Comfort that Castiel should be providing.

Dean could hear his name being whispered, and he whined quietly in protest, burying his face in Amber's fur and holding her a little tighter. He was disoriented and foggy with sleep still, but he slowly opened his eyes when he heard his name again ,and he looked up slowly at the bed where Cas was laying, looking down at him. The first thing Dean thought was how beautiful Castiel looked with the moonlight pouring in through the window and highlighting the angles and curves of his body, the smooth skin over hard muscles and the way Castiel's hair was messed up from sex and sleep, his face cast into shadow and his eyes glinting with cool blue light from the moon. "Cas," he replied quietly, and they gazed at each other for a lingering moment, unmoving. It was still and peaceful in the room, and Dean felt like he was in a dream. He felt calm, and Cas looked calm too.

Castiel let a small, thin smile stretch over his lips. He extended his hand in a silent gesture for Dean to join him. Amber's head lifted up as she was disturbed from her sleep. She saw Castiel's fingertips peering over the side of the bed and she tilted her body up to touch them with her cold nose before stretching out and hopping up onto the bed and curling up beside her owner. Her fur tickling his bare chest but Castiel didn't seem to mind, just as long as Dean followed her lead and joined them.

Dean smiled softly in return, and everything was forgiven between them. He took Castiel's hand and rose to his feet to crawl into the bed beside Cas and Amber, the cat tucked snugly in between them. Dean didn't let go of Castiel's hand, and he rested their hands together on Amber's side, her fur soft against their fingers. "I love you," Dean whispered, "I've never loved anyone else the way I love you, not even close. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Cas. I need you."

Castiel let out a small sigh in relief, keeping his hand held firmly in Dean's. "I love you too, Dean," he murmured, already letting his eyes droop shut as he knew everything would be okay between them. "Don't worry. We will," he assured with a sweet smile that made his tanned skin almost shine in the moonlight. If Dean said anything after that he didn't know. He was already asleep, safe and sound in the arms of his Dean.

Dean smiled affectionately and pressed a kiss into Castiel's hairline as he drifted off to sleep. Dean scooted a little closer, being careful not to crush Amber, and he tucked his head under Castiel's chin, their legs entwining comfortably under the warm blankets and Dean shifted towards the heat of Castiel's body. Castiel was so beautiful in so many ways and Dean was lucky to have him. He would never throw that away again and they'd fix all the problems between them, because they were meant to be together and they both knew it, too.


	46. Chapter 46

Castiel awoke in the morning to a warm lump pressed against him. He smiled as he looked down to see Dean beside him. He could feel a small lump of fur pressed against his back where he'd assumed Amber had moved during the night to avoid being squashed. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean and gave him a quick squeeze, just checking he was still there. He pressed a kiss into his hair and sighed. He did love his Dean and he was so glad he had the patience to stay with him again.

Dean woke up slowly, warm and comfortable on the soft bed with Castiel's strong arms around him. They always woke up like this, wrapped around each other and so tangled that it was hard to tell whose limbs belonged to whom. It was as if they were trying to meld together to form one being, like a marriage. It just felt so right to be here with Cas like this, it had always felt right even though they'd both changed throughout the year, physically and emotionally. It still felt right. Dean sighed contentedly and kissed Castiel's skin in return, not sure what his lips made contact with but not caring. He was pretty sure it was Castiel's shoulder, right on the top of his chest where the neck met the shoulder.

Castiel didn't bother saying anything right away, he was too content and didn't want to move. He just kept a hold of Dean, stroking down the other's bare side slowly, feeling the skin beneath his fingertips. He felt awful about ruining their night last night but he was just happy Dean had let it go and allowed them to just move on from it. No more dwelling in the past. Just keep on moving on. Keeping happy.

Dean opened his eyes and smiled sleepily over at Cas, brushing their noses together gently. "Morning," he mumbled sleepily, stifling a yawn and rubbing at his eyes with one hand. Amber was over on the other side of the bed, having moved during the night to avoid the risk of getting crushed. Today was going to be a better day. It was Thursday, almost the weekend, and everything was going to be okay. They'd been at their lowest points and now there was nowhere to go but up.

"Morning," Castiel hummed, still not opening his eyes. He'd have to be up soon for work but right now all he wanted to do was sleep. "You goin' to school today?" he mumbled with a soft yawn as he wriggled against Dean before settling again in the comfortable warmth. He hated this. Not being able to stay together during the week but they both had separate commitments. Dean had school and Castiel had work. They couldn't just abandon these things. Plus, being away from each other might do them both some good. Help balance things out a bit. Get a routine going.

Dean nodded and groaned quietly. "Yeah, I should," he mumbled, tightening his arm around Castiel's waist and kissing his temple. "We've still got about twenty minutes," he said, glancing at the clock. "Did you sleep okay?" They'd only gotten a few hours of sleep after the whole sex thing, but hopefully it would be enough to get them through the day and they'd be able to move past this.

Castiel kissed Dean in praise, glad he was actually going to school now. After everything and not being able to have Castiel by his side, he could understand why the idea of going to school might be a little daunting. "Yeah," he half lied. He was fine once they sorted everything out but it could have been better. Could have been so much more. "I'll bring you a croissant during my lunch break," he promised, kissing Dean's temple.

Dean hummed in approval and kissed Castiel back. "I'm the luckiest guy in the world," he said, punctuating the phrase with another kiss, "to have a boyfriend who works in a bakery and brings me treats. You're spoiling me, Cas." Dean ran his hands through Castiel's messy hair, making it stick up in all directions with a smirk. He liked having something to hold on to now, something to run his fingers through.

Castiel laughed softly, nudging his nose against Dean's. "Only the best for my Dean," he hummed. He finally managed to haul himself up and away from Dean, standing up and looking around for clothes. "You've got school, mister," Castiel smiled, throwing Dean some clothes. "We're both going to be late. I'll see you in the parking lot at lunch time. We can eat together," he promised, putting on his shoes and walking around fully clothed, looking for his motorcycle keys.

Dean sat up and stretched, watching Cas move around the room and get dressed. "They're on the desk," He said, nodding in the direction of Castiel's keys, which Dean assumed Cas was looking for. He put on the clothes Cas tossed at him, not even caring if they were his or not, as most of their stuff had gotten blended together since they'd started dating. When he was dressed, he combed his fingers through his hair and stepped into the bathroom to splash some water on his face and brush his teeth, and then went back into the room. "See you at lunch," he said with a small smile, stepping closer to Cas and wrapping his arms around him.

Castiel smiled, putting his keys in his pocket and hugged Dean when he came back. "See you," he smiled, watching Dean leave before padding back upstairs and brushing his teeth quickly before heading downstairs and grabbing an apple from the kitchen before hopping on his bike and heading to work. Happier than he had been in a long time. Everything was fine with him and Dean now. Everything was good.

Dean headed outside to his car and drove to school with a smile on his face for the first time in a long time. He was happy, Cas was happy, and things were better than before. They still had a bright future ahead of them, and Dean felt much more confident about everything. He stopped at home to pick up Sam before driving to school, and Sam looked at him curiously. "How's Cas?" He asked, and Dean smiled at his little brother happily. "He's good," he answered, "He's really good."

Castiel rode to work, parking his bike outside before entering the store. He went to his locker and changed into his uniform in the small bathroom out back. He put on his _Jimmy _nametag with honour and started the day with a bright smile on his face. Things were slow so Claire agreed to let Castiel try helping make the bread out back for a little bit. By the time lunch came around, Castiel had managed to make a decent loaf of bread that was actually qualified to pass the standards for serving to customers. It was a good day.

Sam and Dean headed to school, both of them content and already in a good mood for the day. Dean did well in all of his morning classes, and at lunchtime he went over to his car and waited excitedly for Cas. Sam hung around too, along with a few of his friends, fooling around and tossing friendly punches in the parking lot. Their laughter made Dean grin, and he sat on the hood of the Impala drinking a coke, feeling the sun warming his face in the cool late winter air.

Castiel went for his lunch break. He'd changed into his normal clothes and headed over to the school. Dean was already waiting for him and he smiled brightly when he saw Sam there as well. He parked his bike and swung his arms around Dean, planting a bright kiss on his cheek. "I brought croissants," he announced happily, tucking into his bag and fishing out said treats. "I got donuts too, if you want one?" he asked, biting into a croissant and holding out the bag for Dean to pick a treat.

Dean grinned and ruffled Castiel's hair as Sam and his friends came over to see what was in the paper bag. "I swear I didn't tell them you were bringing food," he said defensively as he grabbed a croissant and backed away to give the others some space to look inside the bag. "It's weird not having you in school," Dean said as he took a bite and chewed the soft, buttery pastry, "But it's great that you have a good job. How was your day?"

Castiel rolled his eyes and handed the bag over to Sam to let him and his friends fight over the two remaining donuts. "It fells weird but..I don't know, work just seems so much better." He took a bit of his pasty and smiled at Dean, shuffling to come sit on the hood of the car with him. "I learned how to make bread," he beamed. "I'll let you try some once I've practised enough. Claire even said I might be able to help out with making stuff too once I get the qualifications to say I can."

Dean grinned proudly and gave Cas an affectionate slap on the back. "That's great, Cas," he said, beaming at him. Sam nodded enthusiastically in agreement, mouth full of donut. "You can experiment and practice as much as you want when I'm around," he said, "And if it's horrible I can just feed it to Sam. He'll eat anything, I swear the kid has no taste buds and his stomach is a bottomless pit." Sam frowned in protest and shoved Dean, and the two of them started a playful fight in the parking lot, Sam's friends cheering him on.

Castiel grinned and rolled his eyes when his boys started fighting. It was a bit of a surreal scene, seeing the brothers act like kids for once. He shook his head, trying to stay composed as tears threatened to fall. It was tears of joy but with so many people around he didn't not want them shed. Instead, he stood up and broke up the fight before a teacher got the wrong idea and kiss Dean to stop him from lunging at Sam again. "Behave, otherwise no more treats for you," he warned with a grin.

Dean stopped when Cas kissed him, which caused Sam to snort and spit crumbs everywhere. "Dude, he's got you trained like a puppy." Dean kissed Castiel deeper and reached around behind his back to flip Sam off, and then ran his hand through Castiel's hair before pulling back and patting Cas in the chest. "I'll be good," he whispered teasingly in Castiel's ear. "Unless you want me to be bad. I can be bad too."

Castiel rolled his eyes, laughing happily. "Save it for the bedroom," he teased, kissing Dean again before moving away and smirking at Sam. "A puppy? My Dean?" Castiel laughed, patting Sam's cheek with a light slapping motion of his hand. "Sammy you're the un-housetrained puppy if ever there was one." A few of Sam's friends laugh and Castiel smirked again, shoving Sam away lightly so he could go back to kissing Dean.

Sam huffed indignantly and batted Castiel's hand away, dodging out of his reach. "Are you serious? Have you seen Dean's room? It looks like a dump!" Dean laughed and shook his head, grabbing Cas again and kissing him. He tasted like sunshine and cool air and sugar, and Dean didn't want to stop kissing him. Sam groaned and turned to his friends. "They do this every time," he complained dramatically.

Castiel stopped kissing Dean when he heard Sam complain and grinned knowingly to Dean. He crept up behind Sam and planted a loud sloppy kiss on his cheek, laughing at the look of horror on the boy's face. "Hey, don't tell me you're not like this when Ruby's around because you totally are," Castiel laughed, reaching behind him and grabbing for Dean's hand to keep them connected.

Sam made a face and wiped his cheek. "Dude, I don't need your saliva all over me, and half of it's probably Dean's and I don't know what's been in his mouth lately. Gross." He grabbed Cas and wiped his face on the shoulder of his shirt, causing Dean to laugh and pull Cas back out of Sam's reach. It felt nice, just messing around like idiots in the parking lot, playing and roughhousing like puppies.

Castiel laughed, raising an eyebrow. "How can you be so sure where my mouth has been?" he quipped. He wrapped a loose arm around Dean's waist and kissed his shoulder, still laughing quietly to himself. "I love you," he whispered in Dean's ear, squeezing his side slightly before moving away and hugging Sam and announcing loudly. "And I love you too, Sammy." Much to the younger Winchester's annoyance as he tried to kiss him again.

Sam made a horrified face and held up his hands in surrender. "That's something I definitely don't need to know about," he said, shaking his head and taking a step back. Dean laughed and shoved Cas lightly in Sam's direction, and then the two of them were playfully wrestling, being cheered on by Sam's friends. Adam was there, along with a few others Dean didn't know as well, probably because they were the smart nerdy type and Dean really didn't see much of them outside of school.

Castiel laughed, play fighting with Sam. It didn't last long before Castiel was already having to tap out. Sam was much stronger than he was. Too tall for his own good that one. He pouted at Dean for loosing and ran into his arms in the hope of receiving some sympathy. "I've gotta get back to work," he sighed, kissing Dean lightly thrice on the lips. He went back to his motorbike and slumped down in the seat. Annoyed he'd have to cut their lunch short if he was going to make it back in time.

Dean laughed and hugged Castiel tightly, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close. He smiled happily and loosened his grip a little so they could kiss, and then walked with him over to the bike. "Go bake some cookies," he murmured contentedly, leaning down and resting his forehead against Castiel's temple, hand playing absently in Castiel's hair. He pressed a kiss to Castiel's cheek and squeezed his arm. "See you later,"

Castiel nodded and blew Sam a kiss just to annoy him before winking at Dean and driving off back to the store. He spent the rest of the day helping out customers, cleaning and checking stock. It was simple work but after the year Castiel had had, simple worked fine. He went home, showered and curled up with Amber in his lap as he read one of the many books just waiting for him to read.

Dean spent the rest of the day going through his classes with higher energy than normal, and he smiled more and laughed easier. People noticed the change in his behaviour, and several people, mostly girls, even commented on it, Meg and Bela included. It was because Dean and Cas were going strong again, and everything was better. By the end of the day, Dean was pleasantly exhausted and he did his homework quickly, feeling more motivated than ever to succeed in everything.

It wasn't until Castiel was about to go to bed, did he remember about the dinner. He grimaced at the thought but thought he might as well tell Dean about it. 'Lisa invited us to dinner with her and Tina. 7:30 tomorrow. Xx' He put his phone on his bedside table and drifted off to sleep, his phone was on vibrate so it would wake him up if Dean text back. Amber was snuggled up by his side again and making a fairly decent substitute for Dean not being in his arms instead.

Dean was almost asleep when his phone went off, and he sleepily picked it up and read the message and then he groaned. Dinner with Lisa, Cas, and Tina. Dean couldn't see that going smoothly at all. Tina was okay, Dean hardly knew her except for when she'd driven him home after the party that one time, and she was pretty good at keeping Lisa under control sometimes. Lisa, on the other hand, was a different story. Dean couldn't trust her and was a little wary of spending the evening with her and Cas in the same room. They hated each other, and Lisa seemed determined to get back with Dean, but she just didn't care that he was with Cas. "OK... sounds interesting. night 3" he texted in reply, and he set his phone down with a sigh and rolled over to go to sleep.

Castiel awoke in the morning, and did the same thing he'd done for the last few weeks. Have breakfast, shower, go to work, see Dean, go back to work, come home, have dinner, and go to sleep. Only this time he wasn't graced with the privilege of getting some sleep. No. Tonight was the dinner with Lisa and Tina. God knows why they were going but here they were, in a booth opposite two girls Castiel couldn't really care less about, eating burgers. So much for a fun Friday night with Dean.

On Friday night at 6:30, Lisa was getting ready to go. She'd dug through her closet and extensive collection of clothing, and she finally decided on wearing a tight, low-cut top, light pink, with just the edges of her black lacy bra peeking out from the low neckline. She put on a gold necklace to draw more attention to her cleavage, and put on a tight pair of jeans and stiletto leather boots, and she put on a black leather jacket to pull it together. She spent a good 45 minutes on her makeup and hair, because she wanted to look perfect for this date. This was the night she was going to take control of things and get Dean to go to the winter formal with her. She wasn't too worried about Cas, because once Dean saw her he'd wonder why he ever dumped her in the first place. Once she looked like she'd stepped straight off a magazine cover, she spritzed on some sensual perfume and texted Tina. "heyy babe im coming at 7:20 to pick u up xx"

Dean, meanwhile, was getting ready as well. He was wearing a light blue tee shirt and a fleece jacket over it, jeans, and converse. He wasn't trying to impress anyone, especially Lisa, and Cas wouldn't care if he didn't look good. He texted Cas to tell him he was picking him up, and he was feeling a little nervous about this date. He wasn't sure what to expect, but he could guess that Lisa had some kind of plan and they were falling into her trap.

Tina had arrived in something a little more respectable than Lisa. A simple grey v-neck to match her eyes with a military green army jacket to contrast with her red hair. Black skinny jeans and a pair of ballet shoes. Something nice but not too dressy. They were only going to the dinner in town after all. Athough when she saw Lisa she'd wished she'd dressed up a bit more for her. It was Lisa she was trying to impress after all.

Castiel was sat there, wearing a simple fitted black t-shirt and jeans. He didn't bother dressing up. He didn't feel threatened by anyone there and he'd already claimed Dean. They were together now. No need to try and impress him in front of other people. He'd only do that for _their _dates. Just them. He sat next to Dean as they ate, Tina opposite him in the booth and Lisa opposite Dean next to Tina. It was awkward. No one said anything and yet, Castiel didn't feel the need to say anything. He didn't know these people. These were Dean's past friends. Why they were still seeing them, Castiel had no idea.

This was the most awkward thing Dean had ever done, except for that dinner when Anna pretended to be his girlfriend. He looked around at each person at the table and then cleared his throat and smiled politely at Lisa, who'd been flirting nonstop throughout the date. In Dean's opinion, she'd overdone it; her outfit, hair and makeup were overly perfect and it was a bit unnerving. And irritating. Dean didn't know what to talk about, but luckily Lisa had something to say. "Cas," she said, her voice sickeningly sweet. She shifted and leaned forward, presenting Dean with a view down her shirt. "You're looking a little pale, are you feeling alright?" Dean looked at her and rose his eyebrows. Cas looked fine.

Castiel frowned, looking at Lisa's body language. It was open and flirty and made him uncomfortable. He shifted a little and rested his hand on Dean's knee. "I'm fine. Thank you," he said politely, stealing one of Dean's fries as he'd already finished his own. He ate it suggestively, grinning at Dean and trying to make the evening a little less awkward but somehow he just felt weird with Lisa watching him do that. Tina watched Lisa, probably the only one looking at her cleavage and frowned. Lisa was still going for it with Dean. Couldn't she see he was with Castiel and that she was right here single and head over heels in love with her?

Lisa shrugged and took a sip of her diet coke. She wanted to get Dean away from Cas for a few minutes, because how was she going to get Dean to take her to the winter formal with Cas right there? Lisa resented Cas, because he had the one thing she wanted most, he'd taken Dean from her and she was determined to get back what was hers. Dean looked between Lisa and Cas and rolled his eyes. "Lisa, I know what you're trying to do, I'm not an idiot." He gave her an unimpressed look and threaded his fingers through Castiel's on his knee, giving them a reassuring squeeze. Lisa widened her eyes innocently and shook her head before taking another sip through the straw, puckering her lips around it suggestively and looking up at Dean through her lashes. "What are you talking about, Deanie?" She asked in a sweet, somewhat patronizing tone, looking at him affectionately. "Babe, I just feel like we haven't talked in ages, I miss you."

Castiel felt Dean's hand on his and felt a little better for the connection. That was until Lisa opened her mouth. Babe? Was she serious? "Maybe you should take the hint, babe," Castiel said stonily. The word 'babe' heavily said. Tina was surprised by Castiel's tone but she was actually quite proud of him. Not many people stood up to Lisa and this was probably one of the time she felt it was necessary. She couldn't help but smile and give him a look that said she was on his side. Lisa may have asked her to come but there was no way she agreed with what Lisa was doing. Dean and Castiel were happy. She had to see that, surely.

Dean looked down and bit his lip to hide his smile, giving Castiel's fingers another squeeze and patting his knee lightly. Lisa, on the other hand, straightened up and widened her eyes, a disbelieving smile on her face. She was clearly offended and most likely about to go into bitch mode. Before she could open her mouth to say anything, Dean spoke up. "Whatever you're trying to do isn't gonna work," he told her, aware that the winter formal was coming up and Lisa needed a date desperately to maintain her popularity. "Okay, I get it Dean." She said with a sad sigh which Dean didn't buy at all. "I'm just saying, I miss you and I still want to be friends. Don't make this worse than it has to be, hon."

Castiel looked down at their hands to stop from laughing. Once he'd composed himself he looked back up only to snort out a small laugh when Lisa spoke again. "Hon," he began, using the term ironically. "You weren't even friends when you were together. Cut the crap, okay? He's not interested," he said with confidence. After Dean had spoken to him about Lisa he knew that Dean would agree with what he'd said. Tina bit her lip and had to take a drink of her Coke to stop from smiling too much. She didn't want to upset Lisa. Or let anyone know this is exactly how she wanted things to work out.

Dean nodded in agreement and smiled blandly at Lisa, looking straight into her eyes and not falling prey to her seduction. "Cas is right," he confirmed, "So why are we even here?" He pushed his empty plate away and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest and giving Lisa an unimpressed look. He glanced at Tina apologetically, feeling bad that she was pulled into this awkward situation. He'd noticed her smile when Cas stood up to Lisa and figured she wasn't entirely on Lisa's side on this. Tina seemed okay. "Cas, you ready to go? I don't know about you, but I'm not having fun."

Castiel nodded and patted Dean's knee lightly before taking out his wallet and putting down enough money for both his and Dean's food. "Sure thing, love," he said casually, standing up and shuffling out of the booth with Dean. Tina watched them sadly before looking over at Lisa, hoping now they'd left she could have Lisa all to herself.

Lisa watched the boys leave, her heart pounding with anticipation of what she was about to do. As soon as they were out of sight, she squeezed Tina's arm and stood up quickly. "I'll be back in a minute," she murmured, not once taking her eyes off the door they'd walked out of. She took a deep breath and hurried outside and followed Dean and Cas, adrenaline pumping through her veins. "Dean," she said urgently, walking up to them and grabbing Dean's arm. She put aside all flirty behavior and didn't stand too close to Dean, and she gave Cas a pleading look. "Dean, I need to tell you something," she said, "It'll only take a minute."

Tina sighed as she watched Lisa walk away. Damn, did she look good tonight. But Lisa seemed more interested in Dean than her. She didn't even look at her when she said she'd be right back. Tina doubted she was coming back. She finished her drink and waited patiently for her, trying not to look like the odd one out everyone had left behind. Castiel looked at Lisa, then at Dean. There was no way he'd leave him alone with her. He trusted Dean. Just not Lisa. "Whatever you've got to say, you can say in front of me," he insisted.

Dean looked down at Lisa in confusion and tried to pull his arm out of her grasp, but she was clinging to his sleeve with a white-knuckled death grip, and her eyes were wide with fear and filling with tears. She turned back to Castiel and gave him a pleading look, the wind blowing her hair around and sticking to her lip gloss, but she didn't even bother fixing it. "Please," she begged, "I just... please." Dean frowned and studied her face for a moment. She was clearly very upset, and Dean sighed to himself. "Cas," he said quietly, "It's alright. Can we have a minute, please?" He looked at Cas and gave him a look that tried to convey, 'I'm not going to let her do anything.'

Castiel was silent for a minute before looking at Dean's expression and caving. He nodded and gestured towards the car. "I'll wait in the car," he said, walking away. He didn't like the look on Lisa's face. It was too convincing. Obviously the flirting thing hadn't worked for her. She was hiding something. She had to be. Castiel didn't like it one bit. Nevertheless, he waited in the car, hoping Dean would be able to handle her on his own.

Once Cas was gone, Dean turned to face Lisa and looked at her expectantly. "What's going on?" He asked flatly, and he wasn't expecting her answer of, "I'm pregnant." As soon as she said it, everything went silent and Dean's ears were ringing. "What?" He breathed, feeling dizzy. He must have heard wrong. Lisa let out a sob and then clapped her hands over mouth, breathing hard and she actually looked like she was shaking. Tears spilled from her eyes and she bent her head down, hair falling over her shoulders and hiding her face. "I'm pregnant!" She repeated, her voice a loud, angry exclamation. She sobbed again and took a step towards Dean, and before he knew what was happening his arms were around her and she was crying into his chest. "Oh my God," he murmured, feeling numb and shocked, panic slowly growing in his chest. He grabbed her arms and backed her up just a little so they were looking into each other's eyes. Her makeup had smeared and she was a mess, and Dean felt like screaming. "Is it mine?" He demanded, and Lisa shoved him off angrily. "Of course it's yours, Dean!" She yelled, "I can't believe you." Dean turned away from her and ran his hands through his hair, mumbling to himself. Lisa was pregnant with Dean's baby. "How long?" He asked quietly, still not looking at Lisa, and she didn't move any closer to him. "About two months," she murmured. The two of them stood still for a very long time, not moving or speaking or looking at each other, just breathing. Their breaths made little puffs of cloud that rose above their heads and combined and dissolved in the cold night air.

Tina had given up waiting for Lisa to come back. She doubted she would anyway. She paid for their food and sighed, deciding to just walk home but then she caught Dean and Lisa hugging and she slowed down, hiding behind a wall as she listened to their conversation. She wasn't sure where Castiel had gone but Tina was a gossip and wanted to know what was going on. So she waited and listened and her eyes widened as she just stared at Lisa in disbelief. "Bullshit," she said under her breath. Lisa had really cross the line this time. Was she really trying that just to keep Dean? Unbelievable. Tina still loved her but right now, she couldn't even see why she bothered with such a low life.

Dean turned around and faced her, eyes wide and full of fear. He stuffed his hands into his pockets to hide their shaking. He'd never worried about this before. With Cas, he could do anything and not have to worry, but he'd messed up and now Lisa was pregnant. She bit her lip and looked at him pleadingly, begging him for help. "I haven't told my family," she whimpered, "But I probably won't be able to hide it from them for much longer. Dean... I'm scared. I don't know what to do." She stepped forward timidly, and Dean automatically put his arms around her and held her in a comforting, caring gesture although his mind was racing. "Shh," he soothed, because he didn't know what else to do. "Don't worry, it's all going to be alright." Lisa looked up at Dean with wide, watery eyes. "You're not gonna leave me, are you?" She whispered, and Dean sighed tightly. "Don't worry, we'll work something out." Because that was what Dean did. First he fucked things up, then he fixed them.

Tina was so mad right now she couldn't see straight. She stormed off, deciding to just go home and eat a buttload of icecream. Castiel was still sat in the Impala when he saw Tina walk off angrily. He frowned, looking behind him and saw Dean holding Lisa. He had his hand on the car door handle immediately but stopped himself from getting out. He trusted Dean. He wouldn't do anything to hurt him. He couldn't just walk up there and demand them to stop. It was probably innocent. Hopefully.

Lisa backed away and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand before wrapping her arms around herself and sniffing. "Okay," she murmured, looking up at Dean once more before walking back into the restaurant. Dean stayed right where he was for a minute, staring up at the sky and trying to breathe, but his panic and anger and regret got the best of him and he tugged at his hair, ripped off his jacket and threw it on the pavement, and stood in the cold air in his tee shirt, fisting his hair. His chest was too tight, every breath he took wheezed loudly through his chest and he began to feel dizzy. He sank to his knees on the ground, ignoring the pain and cold, and sat there staring at his hands as he shivered and tried to calm down.

Castiel watched as Lisa walked away and Dean suddenly lost it. Castiel's eyes widened and he hurried out to Dean who was now on the floor. He knelt in front of him, trying to catch the other's eyes. Just what the hell had Lisa told him? "Dean?" he asked quietly, carefully reaching out for Dean's hands to hold in his. "You alright sweetheart? What happened?"

Dean leaned gratefully into Castiel's shoulder, still staring down at the ground. "Cas," he rasped, "Lisa's pregnant... I don't know what to do." He squeezed Castiel's hands and started shaking badly, his panic rising and turning into breathless sobs that wracked his body. "I don't.. I d-don't know what to do... just h-hold me, Cas," Dean felt dizzy and short of breath, and despite the cold a sweat had broken out on his body and he wanted to throw up.

Castiel's eyes widened, and just like that, his and Dean's happiness was thrown off balance again. He instantly wrapped his arms around Dean and held him close. He didn't like to think about the fact they'd been in this situation before. That Dean had comforted Castiel in this very parking lot when he'd thought he'd seen Lucifer. It was odd to think only a few months after that his brother really would come back into his life. "It's okay, kitten. I've got you. We're gonna be okay," he assured, feeling a little ill at the thought of Dean being a dad without him to someone else's child. "Come on, let's sit in the car were it's warm," he said, helping Dean to his feet.

Dean let himself be pulled up to his feet and he walked stiffly on legs that felt detached from his body. They got into the car and Dean handed the keys to Cas. "I don't think I can drive," he admitted in a small voice. He sat down in the passenger seat and just stared down at his hands. "Why do I always mess things up?" He whispered, so full of self-loathing and regret. Just when things were starting to get better again, this happened. He had no future, he was never going to get out of this town. He could see himself working at the garage for years, trying to earn enough money to scrape by and help take care of a kid.

Lisa went back into the restaurant only to find the table empty and Tina gone. Lisa ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath, feeling like her plan had succeeded, but she didn't have anyone to celebrate with. She took out her phone and texted Tina, because she needed a ride home. "where did u go"

Castiel took the keys and set Dean in the passenger seat. Once he'd sat down next to him he wrapped an arm around Dean and kissed his forehead. "Shh, it'll be okay," he promised. "We've gotten through worse. It'll be fine." Castiel wasn't so sure but right now he needed to calm Dean down. He decided to drive them back to his. He didn't think Dean would be able to handle his dad or brother asking questions right now.

Tina was already at home when Lisa text her. She scoffed and text back, 'surprised u even remembered me. what was that shit all about?! you're not pregnant.'

Lisa sighed and went back outside, zipping her jacket all the way up to her neck to keep out the cold. She'd just have to walk home. It wasn't too far and Tina was obviously too mad to consider coming to get her, so she decided to just brave the cold and walk home. She felt triumphant; Dean was too loyal to dump Cas, but too kind hearted and righteous to abandon a pregnant girl and not take responsibility. She knew she'd have to work hard to keep up the act, and she had no idea what would happen when it was time for the baby to be born, but she'd cross that bridge when she came to it. Taking out her phone again, she called Tina instead.

Tina paced for a bit waiting for a reply. She'd hope Lisa will tell her what she already knew, that in fact she wasn't pregnant. Tina wasn't sure she could handle it if it turned out Lisa was actually pregnant. And wouldn't she tell _her _first? They were much closer than her and Dean had ever been. Her phone rang and she picked it up after the first ring. "What the hell?" she demanded. "You think this is funny? Have you any idea what you're going to put those two through?!" _What you're putting me through? _She wanted to say.

"He loved me first, Tina!" Lisa yelled into the phone, walking briskly and stumbling in her heels. Her teeth were chattering and her legs were shaking, making it hard to walk. It was freezing outside, and she still had a long way to go. "Dean is not gay. I don't know why he's hanging around with that fag but I know he's not gay." She stifled a sob and walked a little faster. "I had to do it, Tina, I just had to."

Tina froze at the word fag. Is that how she'd treat Tina if she knew? Call her a dyke and no longer be friends? She shivered at the thought. "Because they're in love, you idiot!" she scoffed, starting to feel sick. How could she hang around with someone that wouldn't even be able to accept her if she knew? "No lisa, you didn't. They were happy. Dean is happy. You need to get over yourself. Not everything is about you."

"Tina!" Lisa exclaimed in shock, "You're supposed to be my best friend. I thought I could trust you with this." She shivered violently and nearly tripped over a crack in the sidewalk. The heel of her boot got caught in the crack and snapped right off, and nearly caused her to land on her face on the ground. She let out a startled little yelp and then examined the damage. Cursing under her breath, she raised the phone to her ear again and kept walking, unevenly because of her broken shoe. "Tina, I love him," she said in a small voice, "We're supposed to be together. He was the most serious boyfriend I've ever had."

"Yeah, we'll best friends are supposed to talk about things before one of them does something stupid," Tina scoffed, frowning a little when she heard Lisa yelp. Probably from the way too high heels she'd insisted on wearing. Good. She deserved to be taken down a peg. Though the thought of Lisa being hurt conflicted with Tina trying to be mad at her. "Look. He obviously doesn't love you, and you can't just keep doing this to him. If you really love him, you'll let him go," she said, speaking too close to home for comfort but she wasn't going to let Lisa in on that.

Lisa stifled her cries and continued limping along. The people that were out and about on this Friday night gave her concerned looks, and she knew she must look a sight with her broken heel, windblown hair and makeup streaked face. She ignored everybody. "What am I supposed to do now?" She whispered, "I already told him I'm pregnant, two months. I didn't think this through enough, Tina." She needed help, and she couldn't back out because then she'd have no one. There was a security in Dean that Lisa was desperate for, and this was the only way to keep that. She needed that.

Tina closed her eyes. Damn it. She could never let Lisa sound like this. "I'll tell you what you're going to do," she said, hating herself for this. "You're going to come over to mine and we're going to eat ice-cream and watch re-runs of Glee. Then tomorrow morning you're going to tell Dean that you made a mistake. You went to the doctors and it was a false positive. He can't be mad at you if the test was wrong, can he?" She knew he could and would be mad at her but right now she just wanted Lisa to stop sounding like a lost puppy. She hated when Lisa sounded so sad.

Lisa nodded and smiled through her tears, biting her lip. "Thanks, Tina," she whispered gratefully. "You're such a good friend." Lisa could always count on Tina to help her, Tina was the only person who'd always been there for her, even more than Lisa's own family was. She hung up the phone and put it in her pocket, and then she took off her boots and held them so she could run barefoot through the cold to Tina's house. By the time she got there, she'd broken a sweat and her feet were numb, tears drying on her cheeks along with smeared makeup. She let herself in to Tina's house and breathlessly called her name.

Tina was in the kitchen making popcorn, she figured they might as well go all out and make a nice night out of it. She walked out into the hall when Lisa called her name and she smiled sweetly. "Oh babe," she sighed, walking closer and wiping away Lisa's tears, trying to clean her face as much as she could. "He's not worth it," she said selfishly. "Come on, we'll watch Glee and have a nice night. Just us girls," she smiled wrapping her arms around Lisa for a quick hug.

Lisa smiled sadly and wrapped her arms around Tina's waist and leaned into her gratefully. She let her friend wipe away her tears and makeup, but she was still a mess. "Thanks," she murmured, "You mind if I take a shower first, though? I feel all gross." She looked down at herself. Her feet were dirty and her perfectly pedicured nails were scuffed and one of them had broken off almost down to the quick. "I really fucked up, didn't I." she mumbled sheepishly.

Tina didn't answer that. They both knew the answer. Why bother upsetting her further? "Shower is upstairs. Take your time," she smiled slightly before heading out to the main room with the popcorn to wait for Lisa. And totally not to thinking about Lisa in the shower. God, she was a horrible friend. Lisa wanted to have a friend to lean on and Tina just wanted to get into her pants. Nice. Really classy Tina. She shook her head, taking a handful of popcorn and shoving it in her mouth.

Lisa smiled gratefully and squeezed Tina's hand before heading upstairs to shower. She used Tina's shampoo and body wash and removed all her makeup, not caring what she looked like since she was just at a friend's house. Wrapping a towel around herself, Lisa headed to Tina's room and searched for some clothes to wear. She borrowed a pair of Tina's panties and a large tee shirt that went down to the tops of her thighs and then headed back downstairs with a towel wrapped around her head. She headed to the couch and sat beside Tina with a sigh.

Tina looked over at Lisa and swallowed thickly. She'd done it before. Lisa was comfortable enough with Tina that she knew that she'd be okay with letting her borrow her clothes but even then it made her nervous. Lisa looked so hot without any make-up on and in _her _clothes. "Beautiful," she breathed before realizing she'd done so but she figured Lisa wouldn't care and take the compliment. Lisa wasn't the brightest person for picking up on things like that.

Lisa looked over at Tina and raised an eyebrow at the compliment. "No," she protested, hiding her face in Tina's shoulder and giggling quietly. "I'm not even wearing makeup." She poked Tina in the side playfully and then sat back in the couch, folding her bare legs in front of her and drawing her knees up to her chest. She stole a few pieces of popcorn and grabbed the remote from the table beside her to turn on the TV to the episode of Glee they'd left off on.

Tina shook her head grinning. "That's what makes you beautiful," she sang, to make it seem like a light hearted thing and something that she wasn't totally head over heels about. She giggled a little, putting a handful of popcorn in her mouth and humming happily, before turning her attention to the TV.

Lisa rolled her eyes and turned the light off. The TV glowed brightly in the dark room, and Lisa shifted closer to her friend and rested her head on her shoulder. "You're so sweet," she murmured affectionately, playing with Tina's long hair absently. "Thanks for being such a good friend." She settled down, snuggling up to Tina a little bit and relaxing against the soft couch cushions.

Tina smiled, leaning against Lisa a little too. She hated this. She loved Lisa and using her like this felt a little wrong. She tried not to think about it. It's not like she was trying to get into bed with her. She just enjoyed being close to her. She let Lisa play with her hair, and shrugged softly. "You'd do the same for me." She doubted it but it was nice to pretend.

Lisa hummed in contentment and they watched the entire episode, eating popcorn and enjoying the lighthearted TV show. When the episode was over, Lisa sat up a little more and stretched, taking the towel off her head and shaking her hair down her back. It was damp still, and she turned to Tina with a pleading smile. "Will you braid my hair?" She asked, wanting to wear it wavy tomorrow. "I'll do yours if you want," she offered in return, running a hand through her hair and flipping it over one shoulder.

Tina enjoyed watching the show with Lisa it was fun and just something lighthearted, away from the real world. She looked over at Lisa and nodded when she asked her to do her hair. Any chance to touch her, really. God, she was a pathetic mess. She brushed her fingers over Lisa's shoulder before scooping up her hair and separating it into three parts to begin braiding. "That's okay," she said, unsure why. She'd have loved Lisa to touch her and play with her hair but she didn't want to push things. She'd already felt like she'd taken more than she could handle today.

"Wait," Lisa said, getting off the couch and sitting on the floor in front of Tina. She smiled up at Tina over her shoulder and then turned around to let Tina braid her hair. "You sure?" She asked, picking at her nail polish absently. "Thanks for all of this, by the way. I really owe you one." Tina was the only person Lisa could trust completely and she'd never once turned her back on her. Sure, they got into fights sometimes and Tina was strangely secretive about her love life, but they'd been best friends for years.

Tina swallowed thickly, smiling brightly. "No problem," she grinned, continuing to braid her friend's hair. She even smelled like her. As if Lisa wearing her clothes was bad enough. She freaking smelled like her too. Oh God. It was too much. She quickly finished her hair and crossed her legs underneath herself and let out a breath in relief. "Done," she said with a soft smile, leaning back against the couch.

Lisa looked at Tina with a small smile and hopped back up on the couch next to her. "Thanks, babe," she said, yawning and playing with the end of her braid. Wanting to focus on something else other than her own problems, Lisa leaned back against the arm of the couch, facing Tina. "Are you going to the winter formal?" She asked, "I was planning on going with Dean, but I don't know what's going to happen with that. Do you have a date yet?"

Tina shrugged. "I don't know." She wanted to go with Lisa. She was actually just going to suggest they go as friends before Lisa ruined everything and became fixated on Dean. Now that had gone out the window maybe it could still work. "Maybe we should go together? Who needs boys anyway, right? We can have fun without them," she smiled, trying to play the role of Lisa's best friend to her best ability.

Lisa smirked teasingly at Tina and winked at her. "Want me to get you a date? I can hook you up with someone. You're super gorgeous, you'll have no problem getting a date." Tina was so different from Lisa. She was definitely more shy and less outgoing than Lisa was, and Tina often had to push her in the right direction to try new things. "And we definitely have to go dress shopping together, I don't trust anyone but you to help me find a dress."

Tina's smile faltered a little. "I don't know. I thought it might just be fun to go with friends," she shrugged. And totally not because I'm in love with you or have no interest in guys, she thought. "Absolutely. We'll make a day of it," she smiled, feeling a little warm at the thought of Lisa only trusting her. "I'll need your help too, obviously."

Lisa nodded, although she'd never really understood why Tina had never had a boyfriend. She was a pretty girl and very sweet, and it didn't make sense for her to be single for so long. In fact, there had been several times when guys had flirted with Tina but she hadn't reciprocated their interest in her, and Lisa wasn't sure what to make of it. She put it down as Tina's shyness and left it at that. "Yeah. I think light pink would look amazing on you. Or maybe a dark turquoise."

Tina smiled, nodding along. "Maybe dark turquoise," she agreed. "I think pink would be too much, what with my hair and all." She looked over at Lisa and hummed. "I think gold would work really well for you. What with your tanned skin and dark hair. Like a gold with black lace patten? I've seen some killer stuff up in the mall. We should go sometime this week."

"Tina, you'd look cute in anything," Lisa insisted. "I have all my Christmas money from Grandpa, and we're gonna spend it all." This was their last year of high school, and after this they'd be going their separate ways so it only made sense to pamper themselves a little. "We need some girl time," Lisa said, "I feel like you and I haven't hung out in a while, wanna go tomorrow night?"

Tina blushed a little, though that was normal. She felt weird being praised by someone as gorgeous as Lisa. "Sounds greats. We can get our nails done too, mine are looking a little shabby," she murmured, extending her hand and examining her nails with distaste. "Need a dress first though so I know what colour to paint them," she nodded to herself.

Lisa grinned and nodded in agreement. "Can I do your makeup for the dance? I really wanna do your makeup, it's so much fun." Lisa took Tina's hand and squeezed it briefly, and then examined her nails with a shrug. "They're not that bad," she said, "But we definitely need nail polish." Lisa was so glad for this distraction, talking about typical things that made her happy and not dwelling on the huge mistake she'd made. She didn't want to think about it, but she had to do something.

Tina shrugged. "Sure why not? Your makeup always looks good. I'd love for you to do mine." She tried not to say anything when Lisa touched her hand, feeling sparks light up inside her. "Yeah, definitely," she said slowly, pulling her hand away and taking a subtle deep breath. "It's getting late. You can stay here tonight if you want?" she offered. "Then we can wake up and tell Dean your mistake before hitting the mall and have a girly day out."

Lisa yawned, realizing how tired she was after her stressful night. She couldn't tell Tina that she wasn't planning on calling Dean in the morning, because no matter what Tina said, Lisa was terrified of losing Dean. He was the main reason she was so popular, because he was the hottest guy in school and she was the lucky one he'd chosen, and she couldn't just let that go. She needed Dean. "Okay, I'll just crash down here if you've got a blanket...?" Lisa looked around and found a blanket on the back of the armchair and she draped it over herself and laid down on the couch, stretching her legs out and pointing her toes towards Tina with a sleepy smile.

"You sure? My bed is big enough if you wanna come sleep upstairs," she offered casually. That's what girls did at sleepovers anyway. It's not weird. Everyone did it. Claire would tell her to sleep in the bed when she slept over there. It was honestly innocent. Her couch wasn't all that comfy and she didn't want Lisa running off whilst she was asleep. Tina was going to make sure Lisa told Dean tomorrow and she couldn't do that if Lisa ran off.

"Okay," Lisa said, standing up and stretching. Her tee shirt rode up above her hips and revealed the borrowed panties and a strip of flat, tanned stomach. She yawned again and headed upstairs with Tina and then crawled in bed beside her. She laid on her back staring at the ceiling tiredly, feeling pleasantly warm and comfortable beside Tina in the soft bed.

Tina kept her breathing under control, falling asleep beside Lisa in her bed. Just for a moment she could pretend Lisa wanted to be there. That Lisa was her girlfriend and she'd come back from a long day at school. They'd had dinner together and had fallen asleep in bed together. Tina would wrap her arms around Lisa and stroke her long hair, kissing the back of her neck as she told her how amazing she was. It wasn't real but just for a moment Tina could pretend and be happy just to lie next to her best friend, falling asleep with content.

Lisa woke up lying on her front, her face turned towards Tina and pressed into her shoulder. Her arm was trapped under Tina's stomach and she gently pulled it out without waking up her friend. She crept down the hall and into the bathroom to get freshened up and take her hair out of the braid. It was nice and wavy and soft, and Lisa smiled at her reflection and then lifted up her shirt to look at her stomach in the mirror. She'd have to get some of those pretend pregnancy things that strap on to her stomach if she wanted this to work. She knew Tina would be disappointed in her, but she could trust Tina not to tell anyone. They'd been friends for a long time and knew all of each other's secrets, and she knew that Tina wouldn't dare breathe a word of this to anyone.

Dean was shaking. He was sitting on the closed toilet lid in Castiel's bathroom, and his hands were trembling so hard he couldn't control his fingers. He felt dizzy and sick and his lip hurt where he'd bitten into it too many times. "Cas, what am I gonna do?" He repeated over and over again, "I don't wanna be a dad, not yet. And not with Lisa. I don't... I can't..." He tried to breathe through his tight throat and swallowed thickly.

Castiel took Dean's hands and squeezed them lightly. "Shh, it'll be okay. We just need to figure something out," Castiel assured, keeping his nerves and anxieties hidden to concentrate on Dean. "I just need you to take big breaths for me," he said calmly, slowly taking in a breath, to show Dean what to do. And out. He did it again and again until Dean followed his lead and just concentrated on breathing.

Dean held onto Castiel's hands tightly and looked up into his eyes as he followed Castiel's lead and just breathed. His panic soon dissolved into something more manageable and he felt exhausted. "Cas," he whimpered, leaning forward and resting his head on Castiel's shoulder as he took deep, shuddering breaths and his tears finally flowed out. "I can't do this, Cas. I can't be with her anymore but now I have to because of the baby, we don't have enough money and I'm going to be stuck here and I just want to leave with you and we were supposed to..." He broke down in sobs and clung to Castiel's shirt.

"I know, baby, I know," he sighed, rubbing Dean's back soothingly. He was quiet for a long time before asking. "Why doesn't she just- you know? She didn't exactly look too happy about it earlier. So if she's so miserable why is she keeping the thing?" He knew this would make Dean upset, talking about it but he needed to know. Something just didn't sit right.

Dean shrugged miserably. "I don't know," he murmured when he could speak again. "I don't know, I need to talk to her more and figure out what we're doing, because technically I'm responsible for this and if she decides to keep it then I'm screwed." He sighed and rubbed his aching head and then wrapped his arms around Cas and leaned into him. "Cas, I'm scared," he admitted. "I don't know what I'm doing."

"It's okay, Dean," he murmured, stroking his back. "I'll be right here with you. You won't be alone. We'll get through this." He pressed a kiss to Dean's temple before standing just enough to help shift Dean from the covered toilet to their bedroom. He laid Dean down and spread out beside him, curling Dean up against his chest and holding him tight. "We'll be okay," he assured, rubbing his back. "We always are."

Dean laughed bitterly. "Yeah, we always are," he repeated sarcastically. He was angry at himself. "Until I go and fuck things up. I don't know what's gonna happen. This isn't fair to you." His anger faded and he began crying again, and he curled up next to Cas and made himself as small as possible. "I don't love her, Cas. I don't want to do this."

"Hey," he said softly, stroking Dean's side. "I've fucked up enough times too, you know." He couldn't begin to listen the amount of times he'd ruined their lives. "These things happen, we'll get through it." He sighed tiredly, nodding. "I know, babe. And I wish you didn't have to do this either but..it's still a life. You gotta be there for this kid but that doesn't mean you have to be there for her. She not your responsibility, the child is. Just remember that. Otherwise she will suck you down to her level just like she did when I was away. You remember that? You almost died, Dean. You can't let her get to you again."

Dean squeezed his eyes shut tightly and bit back another sob, clinging tightly to Castiel's shirt and burrowing closer to him. "I'm sorry," he whispered breathlessly, choking on his sobs. He was starting to calm down a little bit, but it still hurt to breathe. All he could do was soak up Castiel's presence and let it heal him and comfort him. He tried not to think about what would happen when word got out about Lisa's pregnancy, if she decided to keep the baby. Dean would be forced to provide for her and help pay for doctor visits, and when the baby was born he'd probably have to drop out of school to work full time and get enough paycheck to pay for supplies and things, and it would only get worse and more expensive when the child grew up. Dean would be stuck in this town forever, and he knew he'd have to let Cas go and have a life, because it wouldn't be fair to make Cas wait for him.

"Stop apologizing," Castiel hushed, kissing Dean's forehead. "You weren't thinking straight. It's okay. We all make mistakes." He stroked Dean's back and began to sing Perfect by P!nk to his Dean, trying to calm him down. He felt Dean calm down in his arms and was possibly asleep. Probably from exhaustion, Castiel concluded, softening his voice until the room grew silent. Just their breathing indicating the signs of life.

Dean took a shaky breath and buried his face in Castiel's shoulder, finally relaxing as Cas started singing to him. He slowly drifted off to sleep with Castiel's soft voice brushing over him and the warmth of his body soaking into Dean's skin. He slept soundly throughout the night after the shock of Lisa being pregnant. Dean hated the idea of bringing a kid into this situation, and he had no idea what was going to happen.

Castiel awoke in the morning with a soft yawn. He squeezed Dean lightly and kissed his forehead. He slipped out from under the covers, not wanting to wake Dean up as he went downstairs to cook them breakfast. Ten minutes later and he'd returned with a tray full of bacon, eggs and sausage. Plus two glasses of OJ. He set it down on the nightstand and crawled back into bed with Dean, shaking his shoulder lightly.

Dean hummed in confusion and slowly opened his eyes to the smell of breakfast and a hand shaking his shoulder. "Hey, Cas," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes which were still sore from crying. "You cooked food?" Dean smiled slightly and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He sighed and hugged Cas, stretching his legs out underneath the blanket and yawning. "You're great, baby. Thanks." He didn't want to think about last night, he was tempted to push it to the back of his mind and pretend everything was a bad dream.

Castiel hugged Dean back, kissing his neck softly. "Love you," he murmured, sitting back to place the tray on his lap so Dean could help himself to the food. He snatched a piece of bacon and ate it quickly, grinning to himself at the thought of food. It'd been a while since he'd eaten and he most definitely needed this. "Gotta do my exercises soon, you want to join me?" he offered rubbing his leg subconsciously.

Dean smiled slightly and shrugged. "Sure, might as well. Gotta burn off all those calories," He nodded pointedly at Castiel's bacon and nudged him teasingly, happy for something more pleasant to focus on. He squeezed Castiel's muscular arm and grinned at him. "I'm not quite as hot as you but I'm getting there," he said, slipping the ring on the chain on his finger like he did every morning. It was almost tight enough, finally reaching the point where it wouldn't fall off but it was still just slightly too loose.

Castiel grinned, taking a sausage and taking a bite out of it before putting it down again as it was too hot to handle. "I meant for my legs," he chuckled, pushing Dean playfully. "I don't need to loose calories, jerk," he giggled, taking another bite of sausage. He held it out for Dean to take a bite, seeing as he hadn't eaten yet. "You need your strength," he insisted.

Dean took the sausage and ate a bite of it even though the idea of food made him feel sick. It settled heavily in the pit of his stomach and he sipped some juice to hide his lack of appetite. He grinned and moved his hand down to Castiel's thigh and squeezed that as well, feeling the firm, well-defined muscles that felt so good wrapped around Dean's waist. "I don't know, you feel pretty fit to me."

Castiel chuckled, kissing Dean's cheek. "Well I gotta keep it up. It ain't gonna stay that way." He ate a pancake and offered some more food to Dean. "Come on, love. You've been doing so well with your food," he praised. "Please don't give up now. I know it's tough but you've got to stick it through. You're still not quite back to health yet."

Dean grimaced at the idea of eating when his stomach was so tight and unsettled from nerves and anxiety. He forced down a few more bites and sipped the juice to wash it down, but he was already feeling sick. Finally, he shook his head and pushed the plate away, swallowing his last bite. "I can't," he said apologetically. "Not now. I'm not hungry."

"Okay," Castiel said lightly, not pressing the issue. Dean could skip this one breakfast. He'd at least tried. As long as he ate something else later Castiel would sleep easy. He pressed a tender kiss to his temple and sighed. "What do you want to do today?" he asked, unsure whether Dean actually felt like doing anything.

Dean smiled gratefully at Castiel and shrugged. "I don't know," he murmured, "I want to do something. Anything, really. I'll work out with you if that's what you were gonna do," Dean felt restless and jumpy, and he wanted to do something to take his mind off Lisa and that entire situation. There were so many factors involved, and Dean didn't want to think about it today even though he knew he should.

Castiel nodded. "I will once I've digested my food," he said, curling up against Dean and closed his eyes. "But right now you're so comfy, I'm not sure I want to leave this bed," he chuckled, kissing Dean's temple and sighing. It was warm and anywhere else seemed like so much effort right now.

Dean snorted and ruffled Castiel's hair. "Lazy," he muttered affectionately, kissing Castiel's cheek. He didn't want to get up either, but just lying here was making him a little antsy and he needed to move. He needed a distraction and a way to burn out all his anxiety about everything.

Once Castiel's food had gone down he reluctantly sat up and began getting off the bed. "Okay. Time for stretches," he sighed, lowering himself to the floor and looked up at Dean. "You wanna join in?" he asked as he started stretching out his legs one at a time. It'd gotten a lot easier over the past months but Castiel still kept it up. The doctor said the wounds would stiffen if he didn't tend to them regularly and there was no way Castiel was going back to the cripple he once was.

Dean nodded and hopped off the bed, his body itching to do something and burn energy. He sat beside Castiel and copied his motions, enjoying the ache of stretching his stiff muscles. He wasn't as flexible as Castiel, but then again he wasn't a dancer and didn't often need to get into these positions.

Castiel whistled absently as he stretched, smiling happily that Dean was playing along. After his stretching, he stood up and began jogging on the spot, gesturing for Dean to do the same. "I thought maybe we could go for a run around the block?" he suggested, stopping again to stretch his legs as he gradually loosened up.

Dean stood up and jumped up and down a few times to warm up his muscles, and he shook out his legs a little and nodded. "Yeah, sounds good. Do you have any extra running shoes I can borrow, I don't want to run in my converse." He was already wearing sweatpants and a hoodie. "Maybe we could even go to the park?" He suggested. The park was only a few blocks away and was nice and wooded, and Dean felt like he could run for ages.

Castiel nodded, smiling sweetly. "They're a bit tatty though but they'll do," he mumbled, dropping to the floor to pull out a pair of shoes from under his bed. He handed them to Dean in exchanged for a kiss and smiled happily, changing into some sweatpants and a black vest top and his running shoes. "Sure. We'll go to the park, good idea," he smiled, heading downstairs.

Dean smiled and put on the shoes. When he stood up again Cas was ready to go and Dean looked at him appreciatively. He followed him downstairs and outside, and Dean felt energetic and fresh, eager to get his body moving and burn some of his nervous energy. They began running down the street, side by side and their steps falling in sync. Dean was never much of a runner, but he enjoyed this.

Castiel liked running with Dean, it was nice. The silent companionship that came with running alongside your partner. Castiel was feeling better than ever. His muscles working at strengths he'd never known before. He had Maurice to thank for that. He should probably write to him and thank him for everything. He doubted he'd ever see him again. Not with Dean here. He couldn't leave him like that again.

Dean had little trouble keeping up with Cas, which surprised him because he'd never really been very good at running. He supposed it was because of his wound up energy and adrenaline from recent events, and his mood lightened the longer they ran. Sweat ran down his face and stung his eyes, and his breath came in short pants in time with every other step, and his body was in a good rhythm with Castiel. He felt good and never wanted to stop, loving the ache and burn on his muscles and the steady sound of his feet hitting the ground.

They made it to the park and circled it once before stopping to rest and stretch on a nearby bench. Castiel grinned over at Dean, seeing just how much effort he was putting into all this. "You okay?" he asked, breathing a little fast than usual. His leg pressed against the bench as he stretched it out, leaning his weight on it.

Dean leaned over and nodded breathlessly, grinning up at Cas as he tried to catch his breath. His heart was pounding in his ears and his skin felt hot, his muscles trembling slightly with exhaustion. "Yeah," he panted, "Don't think I've ever run that much. Feels good." They'd run for a total of about 40 minutes at a pretty fast speed, and Dean felt much better.

Castiel grinned, patting Dean's back. "Come on," he beamed. "Let's go back home and take a shower," he winked, setting himself back up into a small jog as he made his way back the way they came, only at a slower speed into a cool down run. Something Maurice had taught him also. Before he just thought you ran and stopped. Apparently there was much more to it than that.

Dean grinned and fell into step with Castiel, the pace much slower and easier to cool down their muscles. By the time they got back to Castiel's house, Dean's feet ached and his body felt pleasantly warm. He took off the borrowed shoes and stretched his legs a little to prevent them from getting too tight and sore, and then he walked upstairs, peeling off his shirt as he went. He felt sweaty and hot and couldn't wait to get in the shower. He looked at Cas coyly over his shoulder as they reached the top of the stairs.

Castiel deadpanned, seeing Dean's expression. "You can shower first," he said, trying to hide his grin. He took of his shoes and peeled out of his shirt and padded into the other room, searching for some clean clothes to wear once he got out of the shower after Dean. Amber jumped on the bed and curled up in the middle, making herself warm amongst the duvets.

Dean bit his lip and lowered his gaze to Castiel's chest, glistening with sweat and glowing with heat from running. "Sure you don't want to join me?" He asked, taking off his socks and hooking his fingers casually into the waistband of his pants. "It'll save water and time."

"Hmm, I don't know about saving time," Castiel smirked, peeling off his socks and casually wiggling out of sweatpants and boxers. Amber made a noise in disgust as Castiel's sweaty clothes came flying towards her, disrupting her peace. "But I suppose we've got to save the Earth and all, so why not?" he teased, walking into the bathroom with confidence.

Dean grinned and nodded in agreement. "That's more like it," he praised, dropping his own pants and following Cas into the bathroom. They started the shower and got in, and Dean slowly moved closer to Castiel and kissed him, hot and slow to build the tension and get things going. He blindly reached around for a bottle of body wash and poured some over both of their chests and then began slowly rubbing it into Castiel's skin, still kissing him and tasting the salt of his sweat.

Castiel chuckled, leaning into Dean's kisses and sighed, letting the other run his soapy hands over them. He used his own hands to rub down Dean's sides and chest to wash away the body wash, letting Dean kiss him soft and hot. "Dean still had the ring around his neck and Castiel sighed happily. Dean never took it off and Castiel loved that fact. Castiel had lost his guitar pick when Dean threw it away. He felt lost without it but having Dean hold his ring close to his heart like that, well, it made up for it. He pressed his hand over the ring as he kissed Dean's neck lightly.

Dean smiled against Castiel's lips and then entwined their fingers together over his heart where Cas was holding the ring on the chain. He sighed happily and then lightly nipped at Castiel's lower lip, running one soapy hand up to Castiel's hair and letting the other one wander down lower to rest on Castiel's hip, fingers digging in slightly and tugging Cas closer.

Castiel gasped a little, being so close to Dean without bedsheets or boxers. It felt alien yet familiar. They hadn't done much yet and this felt the most intimate they had been since getting back together. Castiel's lower lip quivered as he tried to hold but tears. He was stronger than that now but it still felt incredible to have his Dean so close to him. "I love you," he whispered, trailing his hands into Dean's hair and breathing in his now clean scent.

Dean dipped his head forward to press a trail of light, open mouthed kisses down Castiel's neck and over his collarbone. His hands rested lightly on Castiel's waist and their bodies pressed together. "I love you so much," he mumbled in reply, kissing Castiel's skin over and over again. He backed away to take a breath and looked into Castiel's eyes, which were full of emotion and love and warmth. Dean smiled tenderly and cupped Castiel's face before leaning in for another kiss, soft and loving.

Castiel closed his eyes and just let the other was over him with love and admiration. He knew with the issues with Lisa, he should be comforting Dean but after him being ill for so long, it felt nice to let Dean take control. He sighed happily and stroked his hand down Dean's side, shivering under the heat of the water. "Take me to bed," he begged breathlessly, trailing his hand over Dean's shoulder and down over his scarred chest.

Dean sighed against Castiel's neck and sucked a hickey into the skin there, biting down slightly to leave a mark. He swiped his tongue over the spot soothingly and licked his way back up to Castiel's mouth. He backed away breathlessly and shivered when Castiel's hand trailed down his side. "Yeah?" He breathed, looking darkly into Castiel's eyes. "Want me to take you to bed? I'll make you feel so good, baby, I'll make it so good."

Castiel smiled sadly, shaking his head. "You don't have to try. Just take me to bed and make it feel right." After what Lisa had done to him he didn't want Dean to make it good. He wanted raw and honest, didn't matter if it was good. The fact they loved each other made it better than good. He kissed Dean slowly, shutting off the water as he fumbled with the tap behind him and clung to Dean a little as they continued to kiss.

Dean looked into Castiel's eyes and then nodded breathlessly. He was already half-hard and wanted nothing more than the feel of Castiel's body writhing with his, to breathe Castiel's breath and taste his skin and feel his heat. He kept kissing Cas even as he pushed aside the shower curtain and nearly tripped and fell backwards on the bathroom floor. He grinned and reached behind him for a towel, stumbling awkwardly and briefly backing away from Cas to rub the towel roughly over his boyfriend's head. He grinned at the way Castiel's hair puffed up when he pulled the towel away.

Castiel chuckled at the way Dean hurriedly pulled him out the shower and began drying him off. He took the towel from Dean and began drying Dean's hair and body enough to not soak his sheets. He carded his hands through Dean's hair and pulled him into a brief kiss. Last time they'd had sex, Castiel had run away, afraid of picture Dean and Lisa together. He was afraid it might happen again and bit his lip anxiously.

Dean smiled and wrapped a towel around Castiel's shoulders and he used it to pull him closer. He noticed the fear in Castiel's eyes and the tension, and he wrapped his arms around Cas and hugged him, pressing his lips to his ear. "Hey, it's all right. I've got you, baby." He kissed Castiel's temple and rubbed his hands over his back. "Come on, I wanna make you feel good."

Castiel sighed, building up his confidence as he nodded timidly. He just didn't want to ruin things again. Last time he'd come inside Dean and left him all alone, thinking he'd done something wrong. He shouldn't have done that. It didn't feel right, this did. He went with Dean to the bedroom, Castiel laid down and let Dean crawl over him, kissing him slow.

_Soft moans filled the room as Dean's body rolled against Lisa's. Her soft tanned skin pressed against his freckled skin. His hips pounding sharply against hers, forcing every part of her to arch up into him. "Oh God, Dean," she moaned, closing her eyes as Dean grinned breathlessly, sucking at her breasts as he moaned around the nipple. His own orgasmic bliss hitting him hard. "Oh Lisa"_

"No," Castiel gasped, eyes wide as the realisation hit him. That had happened. And now Lisa was pregnant with his child. He pushed Dean away, rolling onto his side and curling up, he couldn't do this. It was too much, too soon. All he could think about was Lisa and how Dean would be happier sexually with her.

Dean crawled over Cas and straddled his waist, lowering his body slowly down to Castiel's and rolling his hips against his body. He trailed a hand down Castiel's chest and rested it on his hip. He leaned down to kiss him but suddenly Cas was pushing at his chest and moving away, putting space between them. Dean sat back on his knees and frowned in confusion. "Cas, what's wrong?" He asked, feeling hurt and frustrated that this was happening again. Why couldn't they just get back to what they used to be? Dean's mind was controlled by sexual frustration and he just wanted to let himself go.

"I just can't," Castiel whispered. "I...I saw you holding her yesterday. I understand with everything that's happened but I can't help but imagine it. How it happened. It makes me feel...unspecial," he explained quietly. He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. "I'm sorry," he sighed. "I just can't help but think you prefer woman and always will. That I won't be enough. You'll get bored of me and find some woman to fuck on the side."

Dean sighed and grabbed Castiel's shoulder, rolling him over so they were facing each other. He pulled Cas up to a sitting position so they were at the same level. "You listen to me. Sleeping with Lisa was a mistake, I get it. I regret it every day, especially now. Cas, you're more than enough for me, in fact sometimes you're too much to handle. I could never get bored of you, and you're not unimportant. You're the most important thing to me, and part of what makes you so is that you're a dude. I, Dean Winchester, stereotypical former skirt chaser, fell for you, Castiel Novak. A guy. What does that tell us?" He stared challengingly into Castiel's eyes. "Don't you dare say that you're not enough, Cas. I only want you, and if I can't have you I'll lose my mind."

Castiel looked up at Dean with a small smile. He knew he was being silly but he just needed to hear it. To know, Dean still meant it. "I love you," he murmured, crawling into Dean's lap and kissed him slowly. "I'm sorry, I'm being silly," he whispered, kissing Dean again and stroked down his side and feeling the damp skin beneath his fingertips. "You're so beautiful. I'm just afraid you might leave me.."

Dean sighed in relief and rolled his eyes affectionately to hide the hurt he felt. "Cas, you idiot," he muttered, tangling his fingers in Castiel's damp hair and pulling him closer when they kissed. "I'm not leaving you. I don't know what's going to happen, but I'll do everything I can to stay with you." He left a smacking kiss on Castiel's lips and backed away enough to meet his eyes. "Now, can we please just fuck? This keeps happening and my dick is gonna fall off if we don't do something."

Castiel chuckled, kissing Dean again deeply. "Yes. Yes, we can," he grinned, standing up and turning around to sit in Dean's lap with his back to him. He began to slowly roll his ass against Dean's cock, biting his lip as he tried to look sexy and give Dean a lap dance. He looked back over his shoulder with a smouldering look, doing his best to be hot for Dean and make him forget all about Lisa and the baby for now.

"Oh, God," Dean moaned, gasping in surprise as Cas suddenly settled down in his lap and began grinding in his lap. Dean watched Castiel's ass rubbing against his cock and moaned, slowly grinding his hips up to meet each of Castiel's little thrusts. He looked up at Castiel's eyes and felt a wave of heat shock through him, reaching the tips of his toes in a fiery tingle. He whimpered and sighed, breathing hard, and reached around to grip Castiel's cock in his fist and let Cas fuck his hand.

Castiel groaned, dropping his head back against Dean's shoulder, his hips moving forward into Dean's hand and back against his cock. It was too much and not enough. He needed Dean inside him. He bit his lip, reluctantly moving away, crawling on his hands and knees towards the nightstand and tossed the lube Dean's way. "Fuck me," he pleaded, breathing heavily.

Dean whined when Cas moved away, but he was presented with a great view of Castiel's ass as he crawled away. Dean fumbled when Cas threw the lube to him. He picked it up clumsily and moaned, pressing down against his erection. "What, really?" He asked breathlessly, "You want me to... Are you sure you're ready?" Dean wanted that more than anything, but he didn't want to overstep his boundaries.

Castiel nodded, breathing anxiously. "I-I'm sure." He crawled back up the bed to sit with Dean, half in his lap. "Just be gentle," he asked, kissing Dean's neck. Castiel hadn't touched himself there since before Lucifer. He was sure he'd healed up by now but he didn't want to risk tearing again. He may be healed but emotionally he was still scarred. "Please. I trust you, Dean. I-I want this."

Dean looked into Castiel's eyes and what he saw there told him Cas was being open and honest and he really did want this, not just to please Dean. Dean nodded and kissed along Castiel's jawline. "Okay," he whispered, gently laying Castiel back on the bed and hovering over him. He smiled reassuringly at Cas and kissed a line down the middle of his torso, taking time at each new place his lips found and making Cas moan and writhe beneath him, making him loosen up. He put a little bit of lube on his fingertip and breathed on it to warm it up, and then slowly began teasing Castiel's hole. He watched closely for any signs of discomfort and moved slowly, trying to make it as good for Cas as he could.

Castiel groaned softly and closed his eyes, letting Dean worship his body with his mouth. He shivered under the intensity of the gesture and made small mewling noises. His hand going into Dean's hair and tugging lightly, the other resting on his shoulder for support. He gasped and tensed as Dean teased his hole. "Fuck," he whimpered, closing his eyes as he tried to block out the past. This was just Dean. He wouldn't hurt him. He spread his legs a little and tried to relax, letting Dean touch him further.

Dean bit his lip and backed off a little, not wanting Cas to get freaked out. He worked his mouth back up to Castiel's and kissed him deeply to distract him from the discomfort of Dean fingering him open. He licked into Castiel's mouth and sucked his tongue until they were both gasping for breath, and then Dean settled between Castiel's legs and took his cock into his mouth. He sucked slowly and gently worked Castiel's hole with the same rhythm until he was loose enough for Dean to carefully ease another finger in.

Castiel was grateful for Dean's patience. It had been a while and he was afraid Dean would be getting frustrated but he still eased him through what they had done so many times. His fingers carded back into the other''s hair as he sucked and teased him. Castiel was panting heavily by this point and his hips bucked a little to find more friction. His legs spread further, allowing Dean to as he wished.

Dean kept on fingering Cas, adding more lube to reduce irritating friction, and he hooked his fingers around until he hit Castiel's prostate. He grinned as Cas gasped and rolled his hips up, the muscles in his thighs trembling with effort. Dean pulled off of Castiel's cock with an obscene pop and kissed and nibbled at his hipbones. He licked at the underside of Castiel's cock and teased his hole slightly with his tongue. "Are you ready?" He asked, looking back up at Castiel's face.

Castiel moaned loudly as Dean hit his sweet spot, fisting his hands into the bedsheets. He breathed heavily through his nose as Dean licked his hole. Dirty bastard. "Yes," he cried frustratedly. "Please, Dean. I need you." His eyes were wide and black with arousal. He could hear Amber rustling somewhere beneath the covers were she'd gotten stuck and Castiel laughed, trying to help her whilst moaning loudly and crying out at Dean's touches.

Dean chuckled and slid up Castiel's body for a hot, dirty kiss before slicking himself up with lube and lining up at Castiel's entrance. He'd gotten Cas open and ready physically, but there was still a slight mental barrier that was making Dean feel uncertain about this. He rested his forehead against Castiel's and kissed him lightly. "You have to want this," he whispered, "No running, no regrets, okay?"

Castiel managed to lift the covers and free Amber. Amber looked annoyed and ran off and out the room. Castiel looked up to see two bright green eyes staring back at him. "I want this, Dean," he whispered, lifting a hand up to cup Dean's cheek. "I want you." Castiel had his doubts. Feelings of anxiety and nerves from where Lucifer had broken down his wall but with Dean's help he'd get there. He wanted this. He just needed to get through it to appreciate it.

Dean looked into Castiel's eyes a moment longer and then nodded, going in for a deeper kiss, one hot and desperate and full of passion and lust, and he slowly, carefully pushed into Castiel. He choked out a moan at the pressure of Castiel's tight hole around his cock, the feeling of heat and pleasure making him see stars. Cas felt so amazing around him, and he wanted to move, but he forced himself to stay still, holding himself up with his arms. His legs quivered with the effort of holding himself still.

Castiel gasped, moaning a little as Dean pushed himself into him. He shifted a little at first, the tightness almost unbearable, a few tears slid down his face at the effort it took to stay still and calm. His hands in an ion grip around the bedsheets, knuckles turning white as he tried to regain some control. He breathed in and out a few times, before nodding and moving his hips to get Dean to go deeper.

Dean panted and looked down at Castiel's face, feeling his heart ache as tears slid down the sides of Cas' face and onto the pillow. Dean leaned down and kissed them away, kissing all over Castiel's face; his eyelids, his forehead, across the tops of his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose, and then finally his lips. Gentle, soft kisses, apologetic and tender. He wondered if he should pull out before it got to be too much for Cas, but then Cas was moving his hips against Dean's to get him deeper. "Fuck," he gasped, dropping his head to rest on Castiel's shoulder, "Cas, you okay?"

Castiel nodded, unable to use his voice. He just needed Dean to keep going before he changed his mind. He needed to get past this barrier he'd built around himself. He needed to move past it and let Dean in again. "Yeah," he whispered, voice small and lost. He needed Dean to bring him back. He pressed his lips to the shell of Dean's ear, fingers tangling in Dean's hair as he kept his head close against his shoulder.

Dean pressed a kiss into Castiel's shoulder and nodded. "Okay," he muttered, very slowly pushing in a little deeper. He kept going in gradually until he was all the way in and then hesitated there for a moment before slowly pulling out and then moving back in at the same pace. He kissed Castiel and played with his nipple, dragging his thumb across it and then down his stomach to tease his cock. "Is this alright?" He asked breathlessly.

Castiel gasped, panting breathlessly as Dean continued to love and please him. He moaned, back arching as his boyfriend touched his cock. It was too much and not enough. Castiel kept Dean close to his chest, close to his heart as their bodies moved together in a slow, yet pleasurable pace. "Yes," he said again, a few more tears strolling down his cheeks as his thighs trembled and his body gave a pleasurable ache.

Dean moaned and kept the pace slow for a few more moments until it got unbearable and he had to speed it up a little, making sure to hit Castiel's prostate with every thrust. It felt so good, and there weren't any barriers between them anymore. Tears were still streaming from Castiel's eyes, and Dean leaned down and kissed them away again, gently brushing his lips over Castiel's face. He was so close to the edge and his entire body felt tight with the need of release. He ignored his own desperation and throbbing need and reached down to jerk Castiel off in time with their thrusts.

Castiel squeezed his eyes shut, crying out as Dean hit the sweet spot inside him that melted him into a quivering mess. He was still silently crying, not even aware of the fact, too far gone in ecstasy, arching his back and crying out as he came across Dean's hand and stomach. His breathing heavy and irregular as he held onto Dean's shoulders for support, riding out his orgasm with a faint, shaky breath.

Dean moaned and leaned his forehead against Castiel's shoulder, his motions becoming clumsy and desperate as he reached his orgasm. Castiel came before him, and the way Castiel's body tensed and trembled under his, arching up against Dean and Castiel's hands gripping at his shoulders. Dean came and shuddered with bliss, gasping for air before pulling out of Castiel and kissing him tenderly. "I love you so much," he breathed, smiling in dazed awe at Castiel. "God, you're beautiful, you're so.. I just... I love you so fucking much, baby."

Castiel shut his eyes, turning on to his side and relaxed his muscles. He felt a tear trickle down the bridge of his nose and onto the pillow but didn't bother to wipe his face. He looked at Dean with a soft expression, reaching over to cup his boyfriend's cheek. He didn't say anything but he knew Dean knew he was thanking him silently, for helping him through his past.

Dean rolled onto his side and faced Cas, brushing their noses together and stroking Castiel's hair. Their breathing slowed down to regular and sweat cooled on their skin. "Are you alright?" Despite the new understanding between them, Dean was still worried that it was too soon and Cas wasn't ready for it, but the past was fading and although it still lay heavy between them, it didn't matter as much now.

Castiel nodded softly, biting his lip. "I'm fine," he shivered, suddenly cold. He held onto Dean tighter, nudging his nose against his collar bone in the hopes to keep warm. His face felt sticky from tears and he sighed sadly. "I love you too."

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and pulled him closer when he noticed the shiver, and he pulled the blanket up over them. It was only midday and Dean was already satisfied and wanted nothing more than to lie around in Castiel's bed. They'd had sex, and Dean never wanted to leave this bed. His day was complete. "Can we stay here forever?" He asked dreamily, "Can we just stay here together and tell everyone else to fuck themselves?"

Castiel hummed, Dean's dream did sound tempting. "Sounds like a plan," Castiel mused with a small smirk. He rubbed a hand finally up to his face and wiped away the tears, pressing a tender kiss to Dean's shoulder. He was silent for a while before snuggling up closer against Dean's chest, holding his hand over Dean's ring. "If things go to plan I'd still like to get married in the winter," he said quietly. "In 12 months time."

Dean swallowed thickly at the idea of getting married. "In a year," he said thoughtfully, closing his eyes and imagining it. This time next year they'd hopefully be married. They'd live somewhere cheap, most likely the renovated cabin if they didn't have money to go anywhere else. Cas would be in college and Dean would probably find a job elsewhere and they would be happy and free from everything. They would live together, go to sleep together and wake up together. Dean would distract Castiel from his studying when he was bored and Cas would want to have sex when Dean got back from work. They would be happy. But there was the shadow of Lisa and the baby hanging over their heads, and it all depended on whether or not she decided to keep the baby. Their entire future depended on Lisa.

Castiel bit his lip, seeing the way Dean hesitated. "Y-You still want to get married right?" he asked, voice small. "I-I mean, if it's too soon we can wait a little longer. I-I just thought..." Castiel moved away, worried now. Did Lisa change things? Should it change things? Dean still wanted to be with Castiel so why should Lisa stop them from doing what they wanted? Oh God, Dean was going to be a father. Of course they couldn't just get married and run off to college. He was tied down now. He scrubbed his face with his hands, sighing heavily. "Doesn't matter. You don't have to say it. J-Just keep the ring. We don't have to get married. The ring's enough."

Dean sighed and shook his head, reaching out and pulling Cas close to him again. He pushed himself up and leaned over Cas, putting one arm on either side of him but keeping his legs off to one side. "Don't do that, Cas," he said with a frown, "Don't put words in my mouth. I still want to marry you, idiot. I want to marry you next winter and have a wedding in the snow and make love to you on our wedding night and eat fresh hot apple pie for breakfast the next day. I want to show you how much I love you, Cas. I want to buy you a ring, and I want to see you wearing it every day and know that you're mine and no one else's. And I'm yours and no one else's. Nothing's gonna change that now that we're finally good again. All that bad stuff, it wasn't supposed to happen like that. We're meant to be together, it's right. It... we just... we work, Cas. We fit."

Castiel was silent, listening to Dean speak. He could help but smile at the reassurance. He knew and understood if Lisa kept the baby she'd be their lives a lot more than planned but to have Dean say it wouldn't change anything. That's the bit that made him smile. That strong confidence that told him Dean wasn't going to push Castiel away for his child. He was going to fight to have them both. "Man, your wedding vows are gonna be so much better than mine," he pouted, unable to hide the grin on his face. He turned to kiss Dean tenderly. "And I'll wear your ring with pride, Dean. Even if it's one of those plastic ones you get with lollipops, I don't care. All that matters is that it'll be from you."

Dean smiled softly and gazed at Cas for a long moment, taking in everything and memorizing his face for the millionth time. He ran his hand through Castiel's hair, still damp and fresh from the shower, his blue eyes clear and bright and full of love. Dean's heart fluttered as if they were still new, but in a way they were new. They were starting over again and moving on from the past and as ominous as the future looked, they would overcome it just like they'd overcome everything else. "I promise I won't get you a plastic lollipop ring," he said with a growing smile, and then he leaned down for a passionate, loving kiss. "I missed you." He said quietly, "I missed you like this, right now."

Castiel chuckled a little, letting Dean wash over him as they just held each other. "I missed you too," he said in a whisper. "Everyday I'd go up to the attic and just look over the city. Wishing you'd be there to share it with." It's where Castiel had spent a good part of the first month crying. Sitting in the spot where he'd proposed to Dean and he'd replay that evening again and again in his head, wondering what went wrong.

Dean hummed in agreement with a sad smile. "I really fucked up," he replied in a quiet voice, "I really thought I was doing the right thing by breaking up with you. We kept getting into fights and things weren't working anymore, and maybe I did do the right thing. Maybe it was good for us to be apart for a while. Well, it was good for you, at least. For me, not so much." He hugged Cas and sighed. "It doesn't matter. We're together now and this time we'll do it right."

"You did," Castiel agreed honestly. "But I think it helped us both grow as people. Something we might not have been able to do together." He shrugged non-comital. "Doesn't matter. I'm just glad you're back." He kissed Dean again and swivelled until he was lying back down with Dean in his arms.

Dean smiled and relaxed back down with Castiel, but then his phone started buzzing and he cursed under his breath, pulling away and standing up to find it. It was lying under Castiel's shirt near the bed, and Dean raised it to his ear, wrapping a blanket around himself and sitting on the edge of the bed. "Hello?" he said.

"Dean," Lisa said through the phone, and Dean tensed, biting his lip and glancing at Cas. He mouthed her name and then looked down at his lap to focus on the conversation. "Hey, Lisa." He said stiffly, trying not to sound as unhappy as he was. "I'm going to the doctor today," she announced and Dean sighed quietly. "Want me to come with you?" He asked nervously, "No, that's okay," she said quickly, and Dean relaxed. He was glad he wasn't going to have to go and be frowned at by the doctor and all the other young mothers. The guy always got blamed for teenage pregnancies, and the girl was always called a slut. "Have you, uh.. decided what you're going to do yet?" He asked carefully, and Lisa hesitated a while before answering, "Dean, I..." she hesitated again and Dean heard her take a breath. "I think I want to keep the baby."


	47. Chapter 47

Dean blinked and stared at the floor, unmoving. He didn't know what to say. "Have you told your parents yet?" He asked, his voice tight. He could feel a headache coming on and he felt sick. "I haven't told them," Lisa said in a small voice, "I don't know how to tell them." Dean flopped backwards on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. "Lisa... I don't think it's a good idea to keep it. How are we going to be able to afford that?" Lisa answered slowly, "It'll be okay. I was wondering if you'd be able to work more hours, and I can get a job after school...?"

Castiel watched as Dean answered the phone. It didn't take long for him to know who he was talking to. He bit his lip and watched as Dean shut down on himself. He came and knelt behind him, rubbing his back slowly and kissing the back of his neck gently, in the hopes to calm him a little. He couldn't hear what Lisa was saying but judging by the expression Dean wore, it wasn't good.

"Lisa..." Dean sighed, shaking his head and rubbing a hand over his eyes anxiously. "We need to think about this. We're only in high school, how are we going to have time to take care of a baby? We're going to have to drop out of school, and you might as well forget about going to college because there's no way that's even possible. Where are we going to live? How are we going to pay for clothes and food and medical bills, and what about when the kid goes to school? What are we going to do then, Lisa? It's not a good idea, I really don't think you should keep it. And you have to do it before it's too late."

"Dean, I don't want to get an abortion," Lisa said firmly, "It's a human life. I can't feel it moving yet because it's so small, but it's a human life and we created it, Dean. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

Dean bit his lip and leaned into Cas a little, closing his eyes. "This is hard for me too, Lis. But I don't love you, and I don't think I ever did. Not like I love Cas. I can't give that up, Lis, not now and not ever. I can't be with you anymore, but I want you to make the best decision and think about this carefully. Do you really think it would be wise to have a baby now? You're so young, Lisa. You're too young to become a mother and I'm too young to be a dad. If you have this baby you'll be tied down and your whole future is hugely limited. I don't want that to happen to you, Lisa."

"You don't get it," Lisa said shakily, "You don't know how it feels to have a life inside you, growing inside you, so vulnerable and innocent and it's there because you and I created it. You don't know what it feels like to carry this, Dean. I can't kill the baby. It's a life, and I don't want to be responsible for its death." She paused and took a breath, hesitating before saying pleadingly, "Don't leave me, Dean. We could be happy. We could start a family."

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. "I honestly think it's better to end the life before it has a chance to start," Dean said carefully, "But I think it's time for both of us to move on. I've moved on and I'm with Cas now, and I'm happy. You're only in high school, don't commit to someone before you've had a chance to experience the outside world. You'll meet someone better than me and you'll be happy. It just takes time, Lisa. Don't rush into it." Even as Dean said these words and looked at Cas, he knew that he was fully committed to Cas and he liked it that way. He didn't want to give anyone else a chance, because he and Cas were good together. They were good for each other.

"Think about it," Dean said quietly, and then ended the call and tossed the phone on the bed. He buried his face in Castiel's shoulder and sagged against him. "I don't know what's gonna happen, Cas," he murmured tiredly, "Lisa wants to keep the baby."

Castiel listened as Dean declared his love for him to Lisa, giving her a firm no. That nothing would happen and he wouldn't give up Castiel. He should have felt guilty for making Dean choose but he didn't. He was right. They were all too young. It wasn't the right move. Despite how much Castiel knew Dean would be there to support his child, it wouldn't be enough. The child needed a family and that was something neither of them could really provide.

Once Dean hung up and slumped back into his arms, he played with his hair lightly, kissing his temple. "We'll figure something out," he assured, trying not to sound terrified at the thought of Lisa keeping the baby. "We've still got time. It'll all work out."

Dean kissed Castiel's neck and ran his hand through his hair, pulling back to look at him. "I'm sorry about this," he said guiltily, "If I wasn't such an irresponsible fucking idiot this never would have happened. I'm sorry to drag you into this mess." He gently traced Castiel's lips with his fingertips. "It's not that I don't want to be a father," he said thoughtfully, "It's just Lisa. I don't want to be bound to her because of a mistake I made. I don't want to be the father of her child. I want to be the father of yours. I want us to be dads, Cas. Together."

Castiel smiled sadly, stroking Dean's back. "And we will," he promised, kissing him briefly. "We've just got to change our plans a little for that to work, okay?" he said gently. "This won't stop us from doing what we want to. We'll just need to work around it." He held Dean and sighed sadly, who was he kidding? It would change everything. He felt his phone go off and was tempted to ignore it but if it was lie to Dean or answer the phone he'd rather do the latter. He stretched over to the nightstand and picked up his phone and answered it. "Hello? Tina I- Okay, slow down. What happened? Uh, I guess? Okay, we'll see you then." He frowned, putting his phone back on the nightstand. "Tina's coming over soon, she sounds upset," Castiel said. "She said she's got something to tell us."

Dean sighed and wrapped his arm around Castiel's waist, leaning into him and closing his eyes. He knew there wasn't much hope in Castiel's words, but he played along and pretended everything would be okay. It was nice to dream. He loosened his arm around Cas when his cell phone went off, and he looked out the window absently as Cas answered it. "Tina?" Dean repeated, frowning in confusion. "Is she okay? We should probably get dressed."

"I don't know," Castiel shrugged. "She just she needs to talk to us right away." He wasn't sure why but with everything with Lisa, Castiel was hoping Tina might be able to help them convince Lisa to reconsider raising a child alone. He kissed Dean's temple and sat up, going to get them so clean clothes to wear. He threw some in Dean's direction and put on his own clothes just in time for Tina to knock on the door.

Dean nodded, still frowning and put on the clothes Cas gave him and followed his boyfriend downstairs. He was worried this had something to do with Lisa, because the two girls were a package deal and attached at the hip, and he wondered what was going on. With a sick feeling in his stomach, he stood behind Cas as he opened the door for Tina.

Tina was stood on the doorstep, fiddling with her long hair. Castiel opened the door for her and frowned. "You have something to tell us?" Castiel asked, not beating around the bush. Dean was already fragile. He didn't want this to take long and hurt him further. Tina seemed a bit taken back by his approach but went with it. "It's Lisa," she said with anger she wasn't even aware she had. "She's a lying skank. She's not even pregnant. She's just trying to get Dean to stay with her," Tina scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "I mean, who the hell does that?! She like, totally yelled at me at the mall. Said I wasn't a good friend for sticking by her and everything. How fucked up is that?! I've done nothing but stick by her for the last three years and this is how she repays me?! I disagree once and she kicks me out on my ass. Well I'm done. DONE." Castiel just watched her, eyebrows raised, what the hell was he supposed to say to that?

"Whoa," Dean said, eyes wide. He gently pushed Cas aside and stared at Tina. "What? Lisa's not pregnant?" He felt like throwing up. He backed away into the house and sat heavily on the couch in the next room. He leaned forward and cradled his head in his hands, feeling dizzy and cold. "Lisa's not pregnant," he repeated, not sure how to feel. He couldn't believe it. He looked up, staring wide eyed at Tina. "Is it true?"

Castiel watched Dean stumble away, leaving him with Tina. He moved to the side to let her in and they both followed Dean into the other room. Tina nodded. "Totally. She's been fucking lying the whole time," Tina grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest. "I-I just wanna say I had nothing to do with it. I only found out last night. I've been trying to get her to tell the truth all day but she won't. So I came instead."

Dean tugged at his hair and clenched his teeth. "She lied," he muttered, shaking his head. "Is this just because she wants me to commit to her? This whole thing is just a scam to get me to stay with her!" He stood up and paced back and forth, grumbling angrily, and then he started laughing manically. "She's not pregnant!" He exclaimed, running over to Cas and hugging him tightly. He giggled hysterically and grabbed Tina, kissing her on the cheek. "Thank you so much," he said to her.

Castiel pushed Tina a little to stand behind him when Dean began to pace angrily. He was an emotional state. He wasn't sure what he'd do and he didn't want Tina to get involved because of it. The Dean hugged him and kissed Tina and everything was happy again. Castiel let out a breath in relief, wrapping an arm around Dean's waist. Tina shrugged. "No problem. I just wish I coulda gotten her to confess herself is all," she mumbled unhappily. Castiel sighed, kissing Dean's cheek. "See, we're okay," he murmured happily, giving him a quick squeeze. Tina made an awkward gesture towards the door. "I'll see myself out."

"Oh my God," Dean said breathlessly, suddenly feeling faint as everything caught up with him. He sat down heavily on the couch and leaned his head in his hands, ears ringing and vision blurring. "I can't believe this," he muttered, sinking to the floor and leaning back against the couch. "I gotta call her," he said, rubbing his forehead and then stumbling to his feet. "That bitch almost ruined our lives."

Castiel bit his lip, watching Dean struggle with this. "Maybe that's not a good idea, Dean," he said gently, coming to sit by Dean on the couch. "You're all over the place. Maybe you should wait a while. Or not call her at all. I mean, she's out of our lives now. We don't have to acknowledge her anymore." He wrapped an arm around Dean and stroked his back soothingly.

Dean sighed and sagged against the couch again. "I can't believe she did that," he muttered, "Every ounce of respect I ever had for her is gone." He leaned against Cas and wrapped his arms around his waist. "Good for Tina for telling us the truth. I thought the two of them were really close."

Castiel sighed, rubbing Dean's back and nodded in agreement. "I know, sweetie. She's a terrible person but please do me a favour and not make a big deal out of this. You've only got a few months left at school. There's no point making things worse now." He rubbed Dean's back and kissed his temple soothingly.

Dean clenched his hand into a fist so his fingernails dug into his palm, leaving little crescent indents in his skin. He gritted his teeth and took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down even though all he wanted to do was strangle Lisa and scream until his voice was destroyed. But Cas was helping keep him grounded, and Dean looked at him gratefully. "I don't want to jinx us but I think we can stop worrying now." Dean smirked ironically. There was always something wrong.

Castiel shook his head, smiling a little. "No, love. We're alright," he murmured, stroking Dean's back as he kissed him tenderly. Castiel didn't know what was going through Dean's mind. The thought of being lied to about being a father. That was pretty heavy. All he could do was be grateful it was over and continue to soothe his boyfriend with gentle touches. Dean'd be okay. They'd be okay.

Dean looked up at Cas with wide eyes. "What if she really was pregnant?" He asked in a near whisper. It was something that could've easily happened, considering Dean's carelessness. It was a scenario that could have been real, and that scared Dean. They were so lucky that Lisa had lied, because Dean couldn't imagine being bound to her before high school even ended. "What would we have done, Cas?"

Castiel shook his head. "Don't think about it, kitten," he murmured quietly, taking Dean's hands in his. "It didn't happen. We don't have to think like that now...but I know, we'd get through it." He carefully kissed the scars on Dean's wrists, his lips soft and tender against the broken skin. "Just like we do everything else," he murmured, giving a small smile.

Dean shuddered slightly and bit his lip when Cas kissed his scarred wrists. He tried to forget about those scars and was always unconsciously hiding his hands in his pockets or pulling the long sleeves of his hoodies over his hands, but they were out in the open for everyone to see and he couldn't hide them from Cas. It was strange, being so exposed like that, but it wasn't entirely unpleasant. It was nice to have someone see him and not hate his scars. Lisa never said anything about them, but Dean could see the disgust and judgement in her eyes.

Castiel watched carefully as his boyfriend tried to shy away from him. He knew he hated his scars but Castiel wanted to love him. Every part of him. Dean had kissed his scars and loved him despite everything. It seemed only fair he did the same. Not that he felt burdened to do so. He wanted to do it. He pressed his lips to Dean's forehead, where his car accident scar was and then trailed his lips down to Dean's neck and kissed the other exposed scars on Dean's body.

Dean closed his eyes and allowed himself to let go of all his tension and anger and just let Castiel love him. He relaxed with the gentle brush of familiar lips against his skin and sighed softly. "I'm amazed we've gotten this far," he murmured, reflecting on everything they'd suffered through. He chuckled lightly and tipped his head back slightly to give Cas more access to his throat and collarbone. "Hell, we're lucky we're both still alive and performing basic human functions."

Castiel chuckled sadly, brushing his lips against Dean's. "I count my blessings everyday," he murmured quietly, threading his and Dean's fingers together. "We're still here and going strong. We'll be okay," Castiel hummed, leaning his head against Dean's and sighed softly.

Lisa felt lost. She was sitting on the floor in her room leaning against the wall, wrapped up in a blanket and staring at the wall opposite. Her mistake was made and it was too late to tell Dean the truth. She didn't know how to tell him, and she didn't know what she'd do if he ever found out she was lying. It would take a lot of work to make the pregnancy believable, including doctors appointments, ultrasounds, pregnancy side effects, actually looking pregnant and gaining weight, and then the actual birth which would obviously be impossible to fake. She was already in too deep, but she didn't want to back out. She couldn't afford to lose the one thing she had. Dean.

Tina had started making her way home after Dean's feeling a lot better for gaining the confidence and standing up and telling the truth. All that was left to do now was go to Lisa's and tell her what had happened. She let herself in, knowing Lisa wouldn't mind and found the girl looking all too sorry for herself. She wanted to cradle her and stroke her hair, telling her everything would be okay. But she couldn't. She was mad at her (or trying to be). "I told them the truth," she announced firmly, crossing her arms over her chest.

Lisa looked up hopefully at Tina's entrance, relieved to see her friend standing in the room. But the look on Tina's face made Lisa's heart skip a beat and her blood run cold, and she was sure she heard wrong. Standing up shakily, she stared wide eyed at Tina. "What?" She whispered, wrapping the blanket around herself tighter. As the words sunk in, Lisa grew panicked and horribly angry. She surged forward and grabbed Tina's shoulders tightly. "What did you do?!" She screamed, breathing rapidly and panicking. All her plans were ruined and Dean would never take her back.

Tina grimaced. Just once, she wished Lisa would touch her with love and sincerity. It was the least she could do after all she'd done for her. She pushed Lisa away lightly. "I did what was right," she snapped back. She hated seeing Lisa looked so pained but right now she deserved it. She had to keep reminding herself that. "You were destroying their lives. There's no way you could have kept this up for so long. Letting them think for months their lives were ruined."

Lisa staggered back and tugged at her hair, burying her face in her hands. "You ruined everything," she hissed, looking back up at Tina with a cold glare. "How could you do this? You're supposed to be my best friend." Lisa felt nothing but hatred in this moment. Because of what Tina had done, Lisa was alone now. Dean and Castiel knew that she'd faked it and now she had no chance of ever being with Dean ever again. Her best friend had betrayed her. They always trusted each other with everything, and now Lisa couldn't trust Tina at all. Lisa didn't know she was crying until her vision blurred and her chest tightened and she choked out a strangled sob.

"You did that yourself when you told Dean you were pregnant!" Tina said frustratedly. "Did you really think that would work, you stupid bitch?! He's with Cas. That's not changing. When you love someone that much, no matter what happens. You will stand by them. The kid isn't going anywhere. There was no way you could make that work." Tina was hitting way too close to home. She felt like crying herself. Lisa was too blind with infatuation to realize just what real love felt like. The pain crushing intensity that came with it. She didn't understand. Never would.

Despite the fury raging through Lisa's mind, making her body tense and her thoughts dark, she knew Tina was right. Her pride wouldn't allow her to admit that to herself or Tina, and she could only think of ways to defend herself. She wanted to hit Tina. She wanted to wrap her hands around her neck and just shake her. She wanted to pull her hair and knock her to the ground. But she didn't. Instead, she took a deep breath, raised her head, and stared straight into Tina's eyes. "Get out of my house," she growled warningly, "And don't come back." It pained her to say this, but she was too proud to beg for forgiveness. The whole school would probably find out about this whole scandal, and Lisa would be left with nothing.

Tina's eyes widened at Lisa's demand. "What?!" No. Leaving her for a while, she could understand. Lisa was upset but Tina needed her. She couldn't leave her. She loved her. "No." She shook her head. Feeling her heart beat faster. "You need me. Don't do this." She sounded like she was begging but she couldn't be sure. She didn't feel like herself right now. If she was begging she'd regret it. She was supposed to look like the strong one right now. Damn it. Why did Lisa always do this to her.

Lisa curled her lip up in a sneer. Her hands were shaking, and she curled them into fists to hide it. "You're wrong. I don't need you, and I never did. You're a backstabbing bitch and I'm done with you." She took a step closer so they were face to face, and narrowed her eyes threateningly. "Get the fuck out of my house and don't ever come back. Don't call me, don't text me, don't talk to me. I won't answer and I want nothing to do with you. Our friendship is over." She fought to keep her voice from breaking as she said this, even as tears were still falling from her eyes. She managed to hold it together, but not much longer.

Tina could only stare as Lisa yelled at her. Back stabbing bitch. BACK STABBING BITCH?! "I have been nothing but there for you, you lying little shit!" Tina yelled, anger boiling up inside her. "I ruined my junior prom dress for you, making it look like we'd both fallen over because you didn't want the whole school to know you were fucking behind the bike sheds. I've made out with you countless times just so you can get attention from guys. I've let you cry on my shoulder. I've let you borrow money. I've let you do everything a best friend is supposed to do and more. You are NOTHING without me, you pathetic little bitch. And yet I still feel sorry for you. Because no matter how hard you try no one will love you enough and yet you keep pushing the one person that does away!"

Lisa grabbed the front of Tina's shirt and dragged her closer so their faces were inches apart. She raised her chin defiantly and stared into Tina's eyes with a cruel sneer. "You think I'm nothing without you?" She murmured, her voice dangerously soft and low. "Watch me, bitch. See what happens. I think you're the one who needs me more than I need you. Any other girl would have left by now, but you're staying and making yourself the victim here. You think I can't bear to be without you? Honey, you're wrong. I don't care how much you think you 'love me'. It's pathetic, really. How you worship me. Like I'm the sister you've always wanted. Or the girl you want to be like. Maybe you're jealous." Lisa paused and narrowed her eyes. She wanted to make Tina hurt. She wanted her to pay for what she'd done, and she wanted to push her away to make herself stronger. She refused to beg Tina for forgiveness. "Or maybe it's something else. I think we both know what I'm implying." She ran her hands down Tina's sids suggestively and patted her butt lightly before backing away. "Hell, I could be wrong, but maybe you lied about it. Wouldn't surprise me, after you went behind my back and betrayed me."

Tina jolted a little as Lisa touched her. She felt disgusted with herself. She was supposed to hate Lisa. Tell her to go to hell and storm off but she couldn't. She couldn't do that to her Lisa. She loved her too much to hurt her. She was hurting enough. She couldn't take it anymore. She grabbed Lisa's shirt and pulled her forward, crashing their lips together in a frantic kiss. Not how Tina envisioned kissing Lisa for the first time that wasn't for show but she feared she might not get another chance after tonight. "You're a fucking idiot," she growled still close to Lisa's lips. "I don't want to _be _you. I _want _you. God, how self-involved are you that you can't even see what's going on around you." She pushed Lisa away and huffed, stepping away a bit even though she didn't want to. Who was she kidding this was always how it was going to end between them. Lisa was a homophobe. That would never change. She was too stubborn.

Lisa tensed as Tina grabbed her shirt, expecting a slap to the face or to be pushed violently to the ground, but she wasn't expecting to be kissed. They'd kissed many times before, but there were always people around cheering them on. Lisa hadn't thought anything of it. But now there was nobody to see and she realized she was right. The kiss was painful and rough, Tina's teeth biting down hard into her bottom lip and their teeth crashing together, but it was real. Lisa pulled away and reacted immediately, slapping Tina hard on the cheek and then shoving her away. "What the _fuck, _Tina," Lisa muttered darkly. So Tina was a dyke. That's why she'd never had a boyfriend and she never talked about guys. "You've been perving on me all this time. Get the fuck out of my fucking house, you creep."

"Oh don't worry, I'm going," Tina huffed, storming down the stairs. "It's just a shame that you're not pregnant. Maybe then you'd realize that you're just scum once your baby rejects you just like everyone else." She slammed the door on her way out and practically ran home and didn't look back. She hated this. They were no longer friends. Tina had been telling herself for a long time to do this. Lisa was a homophobe and a bad influence. It was a good thing they were finally breaking apart. It didn't mean it didn't hurt any less. Tina had loved her regardless. Something she wished she could just forget about but couldn't. Lisa would always be that regretted crush.

Lisa stood where she was even after Tina left the room, and she didn't move until she heard the front door slam with a permanent click. That was it, Lisa had just pushed away the best friend she'd ever had. She sagged and collapsed facedown on her bed, too tired and worn out to even cry. She just laid there for a long time, unmoving and unthinking. She drifted, her thoughts light and foggy and absent and she couldn't even try to process everything that had just happened. Things had changed, and Lisa was going to have to change too. But not right now. Right now, she was too tired.

A few weeks went by and the winter formal for Dean's school finally arrived. It had been something not particularly important to either Dean or Castiel but now that Castiel was no longer a part of his former high school due to finishing his education in France. He was not allowed to attend the dance. Students only. So here he was, tying Dean's tie and making him look nice to go to the dance. Alone. "Sorry, I can't go with you," he apologised for the thousandth time. He didn't want to leave Dean alone in a room with Lisa again, but he had a trick up his sleep. He kissed Dean's cheek and nodded proudly when he straightened the other's tie. "There." He smiled, looking at Dean through the mirror. "Prince charming is ready to go."

Dean pulled at Castiel's shirt and pouted slightly. "Wish you could come," he murmured, "It's not going to be the same without you." Dean didn't really want to go to the dance without Cas, but he'd agreed to take Anna as she didn't have a date either, and the two of them would have a good time. A group of people Dean was friends with were also going, including Meg, Bela, Ruby, Corbett, Sam, Adam, and Andy. It would be a fun night, and Dean supposed it would be good for him to get out and spend some time with other people, because all he wanted to do lately was cling to Cas and not let him go ever again. They'd come so close to losing each other so many times, and Dean got a little nervous whenever Cas wasn't with him for an extended period of time. He knew it was silly to be that attached, but he was doing himself a favor by socializing with his other friends. It was healthier to have a variety, and there was always Cas to come home to after the dance.

Castiel smiled sadly, pushing Dean away slightly as he straightened out his own shirt and then Dean's dress shirt. "I know, kitten but I'll be right here when you get back," he promised, kissing Dean briefly before fishing into his pocket and finding a small box. He opened it, showing off a pair of retro microphone cufflinks, silver of course. He smiled at Dean and helped put them on. "I saw these when I was in the city last week. Thought of you. I couldn't help myself."

Dean watched curiously as Castiel took the small box out of his pocket and opened it up. "Dude, these are great!" He said, grinning widely and letting Cas fasten them to his sleeves. When they were secured on, he pulled Cas in for a tender kiss. "Thanks, babe." He smiled warmly and then stepped back to look at himself in the mirror. "How do I look?" He turned to Cas and spun around slowly, making sure everything was in place.

Castiel beamed, just so happy to have a boyfriend to spoil. And hopefully this time next year, a husband. He looked Dean up and down appreciatively and licked his lower lip subconsciously. "Fucking gorgeous, love," Castiel grinned, patting his ass lightly with a teasing smile. Dean had started running with Castiel on a more regular basis and had filled out nicely. More so than before. Both healthy and buff and Castiel couldn't believe how much they'd changed over the year. "Anna's a lucky gal being escorted by such a fine gentleman," he chuckled softly, kissing Dean again once before ushering him downstairs before he ran out of time. "Don't wanna keep her waiting."

Dean huffed in amusement when Cas patted his ass. He shoved him lightly in the chest and headed downstairs with him. "You're not jealous of Anna, are you?" He teased, winking at Cas and then heading out the door. "I'll see you tonight, baby." He kissed Cas goodbye and headed outside to his car, feeling light and smiling softly. He drove to Anna's house to pick her up. She was waiting by the front door with her proud parents, who greeted him happily and ushered him inside to take pictures. Anna looked gorgeous in a dark green gown, long and sleek and glittering with a slit up one leg, revealing a pair of delicate silver strappy heels. Dean whistled and put his arm around her waist for the pictures. "Careful, you're gonna turn me straight," he said playfully, and she blushed and elbowed him lightly in the ribs.

Castiel watched and waited until Dean's car drove away before running up the stairs. He tripped on the way up, cursing under his breath as he practically stripped as soon as he entered his and Dean's bedroom. This clothes flying everywhere and once again covered his poor cat in a mountain of fabric. She managed to wriggle free through the arm hole of his shirt and scamper off into Sam's bedroom. Castiel took no notice as he took his suit out from his hiding place and began putting it on, trying to be quick and careful with it at the same time. He'd managed to ask Bobby to put in a favour with the headmaster and get him to attend the dance. The technicality being Castiel be classed as a performer, not a student. Something he was more than happy to do. He finished dressing, patted down his pockets, checking for all his things then ran down the stairs, hopped on his bike and headed to the winter formal.

After Anna's parents were done excitedly taking pictures of the two of them and fussing over Anna's hair and jewelry, they were finally able to go to the dance. Dean took Anna's hand and led her out to the car. "I feel pretty lucky to be your second choice," she said with a teasing smile as she got into the car. Dean closed the door after making sure her dress didn't get caught and then walked around to the drivers side to get in. "No, you've got it wrong. Since Cas couldn't come, I wanted to ask you before anyone else did because you're a real knockout." Anna giggled and rolled her eyes, and they drove off. When they got to the school, people were arriving and going inside with their dates, and Dean proudly walked Anna inside. "You look beautiful," he said to her, and she grinned prettily up at him. "So do you," she replied, and wrapped her arm around his waist for a lazy half-hug. Dean put his arm around her shoulders and hugged her back, kissing her head affectionately. He spotted a group of their friends and the two of them headed over to join them. The music was playing loudly, but not many people were dancing yet. Most people were just standing around talking excitedly and admiring each other's formal wear.

Castiel made it to school. Parking his bike out the way and out of sight from Dean's car. He doubted Dean would come back out here but just in case. He didn't want him to notice his bike. He headed into the hall through the back entrance, nodding to the security and telling him he was part of the band. He could already hear music but it was mostly Top 40 whilst the band waited around for the dancing part of the evening to start. Castiel hung back with them. He'd met them once to discuss how he could help out. He'd explained his situation and they were more than happy to comply with Castiel's request. He smiled in thanks and announced he was hear before heading back outside for a quick cigarette, lessening his chances of Dean finding him before the show began. Besides, he needed to calm his nerves.

Meg and Bela noticed Anna straight away gushing excitedly and hurried over to her, taking her away from Dean and admiring her outfit. "You look amazing," Meg purred. "Totally amazing," Bela agreed. Both grinning happily. Meg wore a deep purple strapless dress which hugged her waist and smoothed out over her curves and hung just below the knee with a pair of black heels. Whilst Bela wore a dark blue dress which hung low, showing off her cleavage in a classy way. Her hair loose around her shoulders and a silver heart necklace which her mother had given her for the occasion. "Anna you look amazing. Better ditch Dean and find yourself a real man," Meg smirked, head nodding towards a few boys who stood against the wall, checking her out. They'd never seen Anna before. Always stuck in the art rooms. It shocked them to see someone so pretty who they hadn't even met around school before.

Dean rolled his eyes at Meg. "Anna, you better ditch Meg and find yourself some real friends. Friends that don't criticize your choices in men." He said, mocking Meg's tone. Anna blushed deeply as Meg pointed out the boys against the wall who were looking at her and whispering to each other with interest, probably about her. She'd never been hit on before, and the only time she'd ever been kissed was when she was pretending to be Dean's girlfriend. She accidentally made eye contact with one of the boys, a tall, good looking guy with dark hair and eyes named Jonathan. She hurriedly looked away and blushed again, hiding behind her long red hair, which had been curled into soft waves for the occasion. To distract herself and not look awkward, she focused on Meg and Bela and complimented their dresses to direct the attention away from herself.

Meg rolled her eyes and chuckled softly when Anna complimented them to try and move the conversation on. "Sweetie, he's gorgeous. I bet he'll ask you to dance tonight," she grinned, intrigued. She looked at Jonathan and saw he was smiling idiotically in Anna's direction. His friends punched his arms and told him to snap out of it. Meg laughed and turned her attention back to Anna and Bela, hooking an arm with each other them. "Come on, the band is about to start."

Castiel had been called in and nodded nervously, stumping his cigarette out on the floor before heading back inside. He took to the stage with the other band members and hid in the back behind the guitarists. He was giving a microphone and took a deep breath, remaining hidden from the sight of the crowed. The music began to play, the ever so well known intro to their song. Perfect.

An applause scattered throughout the crowd of students, a cheer whooping up from everybody standing around as the band began to play. Dean recognized the song immediately. Perfect, by P!nk. He smiled wistfully and wished Cas was here to dance with him, because this was their song. Some couples began dancing to the music, and Dean headed over to the refreshments table near the stage to get something to drink. He wasn't actually thirsty, he just wanted something to busy his hands with to hide the fact that he didn't have someone to dance with. Anna was with Meg and Bela and he didn't want to be annoying and hover around near them, so he just stood off to the side. The gymasium was dark and decorated beautifully, and the stage was lit up with lights highlighting the band members. The intro to this song wasn't supposed to be this long, but Dean shrugged it off as the band's own version of it. But when the singing started, his gaze snapped sharply back to the stage. That was Cas singing. He listened some more and then grinned in disbelief, walking a little closer to the stage and searching for Cas. He couldn't see him anywhere, but that was definitely his voice.

Castiel moved around the band, trying to find Dean. He eventually spotted him by the refreshments and sneakily made his way to stand at the front of the stage right in front of him and slowly descend the stairs, grinning at his boyfriend the whole time. He was wearing the tux he wore to prom. Only now it was tight fitting instead of loose. He'd put on so much weight in muscle since back then. He was pretty big now. And strong and he wondered whether Dean would recognise his tux and appreciate the sentiment. Not that it mattered too much. He just thought it was a nice touch on his behalf. He held out his hand to Dean and beamed. _Pretty, pretty please. Don't you ever ever feel. Like you're less than. Less than perfect. To me. _

Dean grinned as he saw Cas come down the stairs slowly. He looked gorgeous, incredibly sexy in his tuxedo. It fit him so well in all the right places, and Cas just looked amazing. Dean was breathless as Cas walked closer to him, still singing into the microphone, and everybody was watching them. Dean blushed at being the center of attention suddenly, and he grinned idiotically at Cas. He felt like crying. Cas was singing their song, in front of the whole school, but it was just for Dean. It was beautiful and special and perfect and it made his heart melt.

Castiel continued to sing to Dean, keep a tight hold on his hand. He span Dean once, getting him to dance a little with him. He couldn't stop smiling at him. Couldn't believe they were both here. Both still alive and together. Castiel didn't look out at the audience. To busy concentrating on Dean. If he did, however, he would have seen looks of confusion. Most of them trying to place who Castiel was. He looked different yet strangely familiar. Even Anna stood with Meg and Bela exchanging odd looks before the gears clicked into place and they squealed in delight. Dean had said Castiel was back. He'd never said he'd gotten hotter.

Meg's jaw almost dropped off in shock when she realised who he was. "Oh. My. God. I thought he was still in hospital?" she asked, sounding put out that she found out this information the same time as everyone else. Bela shook her head. "That was Dean, remember? He got real sick 'cause he started hanging out with Ash and that lot again." Bela looked back at Castiel and laughed, "I bought donuts from him last week." Meg rose her eyebrows, turning to Bela with confusion. "Why didn't you say anything?!" Bela held her hands up in an innocent gesture. "I didn't realize it was him. He's gotten hot, okay. And his name tag said Jimmy. God, I'm so embarrassed. No wonder he didn't flirt back." Meg frowned, looking back at Castiel who was still singing to Dean. "Jimmy?" she repeated to which Bela nodded. "Maybe he didn't want anyone to know he's back. I mean, we only know because Dean said he was back." Meg nodded, quickly deciding that made sense.

Anna, who'd been stood with them the entire time spoke up. "I'm happy for them. Dean's needed this. He's been lost without him." Both Meg and Bela nodded to that. "Totally, I mean, didn't he try to commit suicide?" Bela began to gossip. Meg nodded sadly, looking out at the two boys before turning back to her girls and spoke in a soft whisper. "My nephew's friend's brother, Daniel. He was out with his friends makin' a snowman out by the old Johnson house when he saw some guy from our school go up into the church graveyard and not return until hours later when our buddy, Cas shows up, carrying him into his car, covered in blood." Both Anna and Bela gasped. "No way. He's gotta be lying. How did he know who it was?" Bela asked in disbelief. Meg shrugged lightly. "Says he spotted Cas' cat in his car. I think they live on the same street or something. He's seen it around." Anna put a hand up to her mouth, staring wordlessly out at Castiel and Dean. She couldn't believe it. How dark their lives were and how small a part the girl's lives actually were in the boys'.

The song came to an end and their was applause all around, including a few odd looks and curious whispers. Castiel handed back the microphone and nodded in thanks to the band who seemed only too pleased to help out. Castiel turned back to Dean once the band started up again with their own singer. "You know," Castiel began, his smile could be heard in his voice. Oblivious to those around him. "You haven't tried on your ring today." He placed a hand over Dean's heart, feeling the light pressure of his hand press against the ring underneath his shirt.

"Come on, girls. Let's dance, give the boys some privacy," Meg said, deciding they shouldn't stare any longer now that the song had ended. Anna agreed, timidly beginning to dance. Bela going all out and working the body God gave her. She slipped her hand into Anna's and span her promptly causing a small yelp to escape her, making both Meg and Bela laugh. Eventually they were all laughing and having fun again, despite their previous conversation.

Dean blushed and smiled so hard his cheeks ached. He hugged Cas tightly and buried his face in his boyfriend's neck. "That was unexpected," he murmured, "You're perfect, babe." Dean kissed Cas and then grinned as he pulled the ring out of his shirt. "You're right," he agreed, taking off the chain and sliding the ring onto his finger. He held his hand up proudly. "It finally fits," he said happily, and he promptly grabbed Castiel's shoulders and pulled him close for a passionate kiss. He couldn't be happier. Everything was finally good again, and there was nothing else to worry about.

Sam and Ruby were dancing in the thick of the crowd. Ruby looked stunning in a short red dress that hugged her curves and defined her body, and Sam had coordinated his tie to match her dress. He was so happy to be with her, and he felt incredibly lucky to have such an amazing, beautiful girlfriend. At the moment, Ruby was slinking around him and giving him coy looks, grinding up against him, and they were sweating in the heat of the dance floor surrounded by moving bodies. Sam had never really been much of a dancer, but he was here with Ruby and they were having a great time.

Castiel grinned eagerly, kissing Dean back just as passionately. "I'm glad it does," he murmured excitedly, taking his hand from Dean's hip and moving it to gently pull of Dean's ring, holding it in the palm of his hand carefully. "I know. We've had our differences and stuff recently but I want to officially ask you again. Just to be sure. Dean Winchester, will you marry me?" he asked softly. He didn't bother going down on one knee. He didn't want to draw attention to them. This wasn't about being on show. This was about them and what they could become again.

Dean watched in confusion as Castiel took his hand and removed the ring, and they both looked down at it. When Cas proposed to him again, the second time, Dean felt tears of joy and love well up in his eyes. Blinking them away and smiling softly at Cas, his first love and his only love, the boy who had revealed Dean's true self and brought him to the surface, the boy with the blue eyes that Dean was fascinated by the first time they ever met. They were no longer boys, but men. Time and experiences had changed them both and the fact that they made it through all the difficult times and were still together and going strong, that was what made them so special. Dean was ready to marry Cas. "Yes, I will," he murmured breathlessly, in awe at everything they were and everything they'd become.

Castiel beamed in excitement, carefully slipping the ring back onto Dean's finger and made a small noise of joy that it fit. He kissed Dean briefly, playing with his tie before pushing him away lightly. "Come on, baby. Let's go dance," he winked, patting his shoulder and grinned excitedly. He helped Dean to the dance floor with everyone else and joined the mass of bodies, dancing in time to the music and just enjoying the carefree atmosphere.

Dean grinned widely and they pushed their way through the crowd to start dancing. This song was much more upbeat and exciting and they danced together, happy and light and glowing. They formed a tight circle with their friends and a few extras who joined the group, and everybody was having a great time. Cas looked gorgeous and Dean couldn't take his eyes off him, even being surrounded by pretty girls in hot dresses. Cas was the most beautiful one in the room, and he shone brighter than anyone.

Castiel grinned, seeing all their friends again. They all looked so good and Castiel was pleased. Although it angered him a little to know these people didn't try and help Dean in his time in need. They just let him go back to Lisa and didn't think any the wiser. He spotted Tina in the distance with her friends. No sign of Lisa. Tina looked...sad? Relieved? Whatever it was she seemed a little uneased by the whole scenario. He was pretty sure Dean would be the same if he saw Lisa again after what happened.

Lisa wished she hadn't come. Some of her friends had practically dragged her here, and she had to pretend everything was okay because she didn't want to talk about what had happened between her and Tina. She was sitting at a table in a dark corner of the gymnasium, absently sipping a plastic cup of punch and resting her chin on her hand as she gazed out at the crowd. There were some couples sitting at the tables nearby, and a few awkward-looking girls were sitting at the table next to her and they kept staring at her and whispering. They obviously didn't know how to be subtle. She turned to them and stared back at them challengingly, which startled the girls and they began to look panicked. "What the fuck are you looking at?" She demanded flatly, glaring at them, and they immediately turned away. Lisa rolled her eyes and sighed. It must look pretty weird for the most popular girl in school to be sitting alone at a table on the night of the winter formal, wearing an expensive dress she'd bought months before but no jewelry and not much makeup. She'd left her curling iron and earrings at Tina's house sometimes last week, but she couldn't bring herself to go ask for them back after what had happened. She knew it was stupid, but she just wanted to avoid Tina and wait for things to settle down.

Lisa spotted Dean in the crowd. He was dancing with Cas and the two of them looked like something out of a Disney movie, if there were any Disney movies involving two gay princes. They just looked so happy together, and Lisa couldn't believe she hadn't seen it before. Dean didn't love her and he never would. It was a lost cause, and Lisa had wasted so much time and energy trying to get him back, and made a fool of herself in the process. Looking at Dean and Cas, she realized that it was time to move on and get over it. It was long overdue, and she needed to start over new.

Tina looked around, seeing Lisa on table on her own. She sighed wearily. She was already caving just looking at her. All alone. Why did Lisa do this to her? No matter what she still loved her. She couldn't break free from it. It freakin' sucked. She sighed in annoyance, excusing her from her friends and headed over towards Lisa. She held her hand out slowly, giving Lisa a small smile. Her way of a peace offering. Knowing Lisa would be too stubborn to do it herself.

Lisa was gazing absently out over the people when she felt a familiar presence beside her and saw a hand extended towards her, palm up. She followed the hand up to the arm and finally met Tina's eyes. This was her best friend, the girl who knew all her secrets and was always there for her. Lisa had already lost Dean, she couldn't afford to lose Tina too. With a tired sigh and an apologetic, sad smile, Lisa took Tina's hand and rose to her feet. She bit her lip and looked down, squeezing Tina's hand. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

Tina shook her head. An apology was all she ever wanted but right now having Lisa look so sad she couldn't bare it. "Let's not talk," she murmured quietly. She rested her hand lightly on Lisa's arm and entwined her other hand with Lisa's, leading them into a slow dance as music began to play. "Don't worry, I'm not pervin' on ya. Just thought you deserved to be danced with," she said with a small smile, hoping Lisa wasn't so big headed as to reject her so publicly.

Lisa tensed slightly as Tina stepped closer and touched her gently, but she relaxed as they started slow dancing, moving away from the table but not completely into the crowd. The lights were dim and blue, and the music was slow and bittersweet. Many other couples were slow dancing as well, but some people took advantage of the slow song to get refreshments and take a break. Girls took off their shoes and complained about the pain of high heels, and guys took off their tuxedo jackets and wiped sweat from their foreheads. Girls went to the bathroom, stood in gossipy circles, and fixed their hair and makeup, and guys sat down in groups joking and talking about irrelevant things. Lisa tentatively put her hand on Tina's waist and looked over her shoulder, where she could see Dean and Cas taking a break and sipping punch. Their heads were bent close together and they were laughing about something, leaning towards each other and touching more than necessary. Lisa looked away and gazed at Tina instead, the girl who had always been there for her and was still here despite all the horrible things Lisa had said and done. "I don't deserve to be danced with," she disagreed in a soft voice, "I don't deserve anything. You should hate me, Tina."

Tina shook her head, leaning in a little closer to Lisa as they danced to the song. 'I'm feeling my way through the dark'. _As I walk away, I look over my shoulder. To see what I'm leaving behind. Pieces of puzzles and, wishes on eyelashes fail. Ooooh! How do I show all the love, Inside my heart. Well this is all new, And I'm feeling my way through the dark. _"I do," she said honestly. "But that's what friendship is about. Dealing with the bad times as well as the good."

Lisa moved her arms up so her elbows rested on Tina's shoulders and Lisa's arms stretched out lazily behind Tina's head and her fingers entwined loosely, bring the two girls a little closer. Something they'd done many times before, but this was different. Now, it felt meaningful when before it had been for attention from guys. She looked at Tina shyly and bit her lip. "I don't know what I'm doing," she said honestly, "This is a little... I mean, it's different. All those times we danced together and made out at parties in front of everyone, you enjoyed it, didn't you,"

Tina bit her lip, grateful Lisa couldn't see her face right now. "Yes," she admitted quietly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take advantage. I just couldn't bring myself to tell you how I felt." They continued to dance through the song and Tina sighed. "I guess I screwed up too." She was silent after that. Unsure what to say. Unsure what to do. So she just kept Lisa close and continued to dance, figuring if this was it she might as well make the most of it.

They danced in silence for a few moments and then Lisa sighed. "Tina, I'm really sorry. I take back all those horrible things I said. I know I don't deserve it, but I still want to be your friend. We've known each other for ages, and high school is almost over. We've only got a few more months and then we'll all be going our separate ways, and I don't want us to drift apart. We can fix things, Tina." She pulled back just enough to look earnestly into Tina's light grey eyes, sparkling with the moving lights on the dance floor. "You look really pretty," She added with a small smile. Now that Lisa knew how Tina felt about her, she couldn't help but start to notice things she'd never really thought about before. She looked back on hers and Tina's relationship, how often they kissed and touched each other and Lisa had thought it was all for show, but Tina actually wanted to do those things with her. It was strange and a little frightening to Lisa, but she could deal with it.

Tina sighed a little, tucking a piece of hair behind Lisa's ear. "I would like that very much," Tina smile a little. "But if this is gonna work you're gonna have to be less of a bitch. I can't take this anymore." She had to be honest. She couldn't put herself through that again. She could deal with Lisa not liking her the same way she liked her but for Lisa to be mean about it. Tina couldn't handle that. She'd already dealt with Lisa's crap enough. The strain had gotten too much and look where that had gotten them.

Lisa smiled slightly when Tina tucked her hair behind her ear. It was such a caring and gentle gesture that it made Lisa just want to hug her, so she did. "Okay," she promised, squeezing Tina tightly and holding on, resting her chin on her shoulder. "That's doable. I can definitely be less of a bitch." Tina was right, Lisa was a total bitch and she honestly had no idea why Tina even liked her, let alone put up with her. She loosened her hold on her friend and backed up again to look at Tina curiously.

Tina smiled and nodded happily. This could work. Tina was allowing herself to get her hopes up again. Wondering whether they really could be friends again. She looked back at Lisa and sighed softly. She dipped her head just enough to kiss Lisa's cheek. "I'm sorry I practically bit your bottom lip off, that was uncalled for," she whispered apologetically into Lisa's ear before pulling away as the song ended.

Lisa closed her eyes and felt like crying when Tina kissed her cheek. "No, I'm sorry I freaked out and attacked you." There was a very faint bruise on Tina's cheek where Lisa had hit her, but it was barely noticeable and well covered with makeup. Lisa winced and gently reached up to touch it anyway, just for a brief second. Her fingers just barely ghosting over Tina's cheek. "Yeah, well I guess we're even now. No more hurting each other, okay?" Lisa smiled sadly. "I just want everything to be okay."

Tina smiled sadly and closed her eyes as Lisa touched her cheek. "Me too," she agreed breathlessly. Tina bit her lip lightly and looked over to the drink stand. Dean and Castiel were no longer there and she figured it be safe to go there whilst everyone continued to dance. She took Lisa's hand lightly and led them over to the drinks stand, pouring them both some punch. "Maybe we could hang out at mine after this. Have a girls night in, watch Glee?" she offered, just wishing for things to go back to normal.

Lisa sipped her drink and nodded in agreement. "That sounds like a great idea," she said with a small, timid smile. All she wanted was for them to be friends again and not let this come between them, because their friendship was too valuable to both of them, even though Lisa had been an awful friend and she didn't deserve someone as sweet and caring as Tina.

Tina grinned, trying to hide it behind her drink. That's all she could have ever asked for. Castiel had dragged Dean past Tina and Lisa, ignoring the fact the girls looked like they were getting back together and hurried Dean outside and pressed him against his car. "So hot," he breathed, fumbling with Dean's shirt. "See how everyone was staring at you in there? Think you're gorgeous. Well they can't have you." He pressed his lips against Dean's and groaned. "You're mine."

Dean laughed as Cas dragged him outside, noticing Lisa and Tina dancing together and not caring. He and Cas were happy, and the girls looked relatively happy, so things were good. The cool night air was a relief from the heat of the gymnasium, and Dean yelped in surprise when Cas shoved him up against the Impala without hesitation, and he laughed breathlessly and tugged Cas closer. "Real classy, champ," he muttered darkly, but the effect was lost in his smile. He gently pushed Cas away for a moment, stilling his where Cas was attempting to unbutton his shirt. "Wait," he breathed, just gazing into Castiel's eyes, sparkling in the moonlight. "I want to remember this," he explained, taking in everything. The way Cas looked, the way his eyes glittered and the moonlight glinted off the fine sheen of sweat on his forehead, everything. He wanted to memorize everything.

Castiel took a breath and stood back a moment, breathing heavily as he licked his lower lip, watching Dean look him over a few times before moving his hand the cup the other's cheek. "I'm a class A kinda guy," Castiel purred, nudging his nose against Dean's. "And you, kind sir, are the best of the best. May I have the honour of escorting you to the back seat of your automobile," Castiel chimed in his best English accent, smirking idiotically at Dean before bursting into giggles.

Dean blushed and lowered his gaze, trailing a hand down Castiel's chest. He looked up at Cas through his lashes and smirked, shoving him slightly in the center of his chest. "You're a dick," he said, grinning. "But yeah, I'm all for you escorting me to the back seat. As soon as possible, if you please." Dean stood up straight and straightened out his clothes which Cas had rumpled, attempting to look proper and classy. He gave Cas an obnoxiously snooty look and raised his eyebrows invitingly.

Castiel grinned, kissing Dean firmly on the mouth before opening the door for Dean and ushering him inside. "After you, sir," he grinned, accent still in play. He went in after Dean, closing the door behind them and crawled on top of Dean, kissing him feverishly. He loved this. Being with Dean, messing around with him. They were young and for once acting their age. "I'll give you a quickie for a pound o' your finest ale," Castiel winked, giggling like an idiot. He didn't know why he was being weird. Maybe that was the point. To just be cooky and fun and not take life seriously.

Dean pulled Cas on top of him and slapped his ass lightly, resting his hands on Castiel's body. "Hmm, I don't think that'll be enough," he said, frowning and shaking his head. "It's going to cost you more than a simple quickie." He tugged Castiel down, laughing giddily, and kissed him hotly, managing to undo several of the buttons on Castiel's shirt and then becoming impatient with it, needing the clothes to be off. He growled in frustration and then backed away a little so he could see what he was doing, and soon all the buttons were undone and he could put his hands on Castiel's skin and taste and take as much as Cas could give.

Castiel raised an eyebrow. "Then what does sire, propose?" He licked a strip down Dean's neck, flattening his tongue against the skin and humming in satisfaction at the salty taste. His mouth trailed against Dean's chest as he opened each button, exposing more and more skin until his shirt was left hung open. He started on his pants, opening them enough to mouth at Dean's half hard cock through his boxers. He looked up with a devilish grin. "Is this what you want?" he asked, arousal thick and evident in his voice.

Dean moaned and arched up against Cas as his mouth moved over Dean's skin. Dean could feel Castiel's voice vibrating against his throat when he hummed, his fingers easily opening each button of his shirt and his mouth following the progress as he worked his way down. Dean squirmed and writhed in the tight space, gasping and moaning at each new touch and sensation that he was crazing. "God, yes," he begged, "You fucking tease. Fuck, Cas." Dean tangled one hand in Castiel's hair and rubbed his other hand up and down his own body, playing with his nipples and moaning as his hips bucked up towards Castiel's mouth, desperate for his touch.

Castiel chuckled darkly, playing with Dean's crotch. His hand wondering over the area before pulling him free from his boxers and stroking him a few times before licking the head teasingly. He looked at Dean the entire time. His own body pressed into the crouched position by Dean's legs. It wasn't exactly comfortable but he was too horny to care, his own erection rubbing against the material of his boxers but he ignored it for now. Castiel hadn't given head in a while. He was a little clumsy and shaking all over the place but he managed to set a rhythm, taking Dean into his mouth a little whilst stroking the base with his hand. He couldn't deep throat. They'd tried that once but Dean had gone too rough and Castiel had ended up curled up with Amber, crying for 20 minutes and refused to speak to Dean.

Dean froze as Castiel began mouthing his cock and started to take him into his mouth, and he pushed Cas back with wide eyes. He remembered what had happened last time they'd tried this and he never wanted to see Cas look like that ever again. The fear and pain in his eyes when Dean had lost control was unbearable and Dean felt shy about even touching Cas for a while. Cas was trembling, and Dean didn't know if it was from arousal or fear, and he placed his hand on Castiel's forehead and immediately pushed him back. "No," he said hoarsely, "Remember what happened last time? We're not doing this again."

Castiel let out a small yelp as Dean pushed him away, he frowned, biting his lip. "We'll be careful this time. I'm not gonna push my limits." He learnt his lesson and just wanted to pleasure Dean. Dean seemed genuinely scared of hurting him so he sighed lightly and moved up Dean's body, stretching himself out and over the other. "Just let me make you feel good," he murmured, kissing his nose. "That's all I want."

Dean looked at Cas with a nervous expression and hesitantly rested his hands on Castiel's waist and tried to hold him back a little, but Dean relaxed when all Cas did was kiss his nose. "Cas, I don't want you to do that," he said quietly, his voice trembling slightly with anxiety. "Can we do something else? I don't want it to happen again." He kissed Castiel's lips softly and looked at him pleadingly, hoping Cas would understand.

Castiel watched hesitantly before nodding quietly. "Okay," he nodded quietly. He kissed Dean again, tender and soft and stretched his hand down to Dean's exposed cock and stroked him slowly. "This better, sweetie?" Castiel murmured, continuing to stroke Dean and kiss him at the same time. Their positions were a little cramped in the car but they made it work. The car rocked a little as they fumbled about. If either were paying attention they'd see that Sam and Ruby had gone outside for some fresh air and hard ended up being scarred for life.

Dean kissed Cas gratefully and nodded. This was okay. The heat returned to the moment and he tugged Castiel closer, tangling his fingers in his hair and moaning into Castiel's mouth. He thrusted his hips up to fuck the tight circle of Castiel's hand, gasping and feeling too hot and tight and needing release. This was enough to get Dean off, he didn't need Castiel's mouth as much as he loved getting head. He didn't want to do anything Cas wasn't comfortable with, because he might never get over the guilt.

Sam and Ruby were wandering around outside, lazily holding hands and cooling off outside, when Sam spotted a movement in the parking lot. There was a car rocking in the parking lot, and he grinned in amusement, nudging Ruby and looking at the car. "Hey, look. Somebody's getting laid." As they walked a little closer, Sam realized it was the Impala, which could only mean one thing. "Oh, fuck," he groaned, running his hands through his hair in frustration. He ran over knocked on the window, not wanting to see what was happening inside but wishing they wouldn't do that in the car that was their ride home.

Dean flinched and hurriedly covered himself up, blushing deeply when he saw Sam standing beside the car with a horrified, annoyed expression. Ruby stood back a little ways giggling into her hand, and Dean rolled his eyes at Cas and reached over to roll down the window of the car. Both of their shirts were off and their pants were around their ankles but their boxers were still mostly on, but Dean didn't care. Mostly, he was annoyed at being cock-blocked by his obnoxious little brother and could care less whether or not Sam was scarred for life. "What do you want, Sammy?" He drawled, "How many times do I have to tell you, if the car's a-rockin' don't come a-knockin'?"

Castiel gasped when he heard a tap on the window. He quickly scrambled with his clothes and blushed. He buttoned up his clothes and hid behind the car seat, hoping Sam would ignore him. He got Dean's zipper done up just in time for him to ever so casually speak with his brother, half hard. "Dean," he hissed quietly. "Let's just go back inside." He was embarrassed now. Being caught in the act and by their brother as well. Castiel's face was redder than it usual got, and with good reason too.

Dean chuckled when Cas scrambled away and blushed deeply, and he rubbed Castiel's back reassuringly. Dean smiled up at Sam, who was looking down at him with a horrified expression. "You guys are so gross," he complained, "Can't you go five minutes without humping each other?" Dean shrugged innocently. "Apparently not," he said, and slapped Castiel's behind playfully. Sam rose his eyebrows in disbelief, and Dean turned to Cas. "It's okay, Sam's just a prude. Nothing to be embarrassed about, babe."

Castiel gave a small yelp, and hide further in on himself. "Dean stop," he begged quietly. He didn't dare look at Sam, too mortified to even acknowledge him. "I'm a prude too," he insisted with a soft whisper. "I can't do this when you're so open with it. Your brother is right there." He hid his head in his hands and groaned quietly, sitting up in the seat next to Dean and just willed Sam and Ruby away.

Dean put his arm protectively around Cas and straightened up a little, pulling one of their shirts over and draping it around Castiel's shoulders. Dean winced apologetically and then flipped Sam off. "Get out of here, jerk," he said, and Sam put his hands up in surrender and backed away. "You don't need to tell me twice," He replied, and walked off to lead Ruby back inside. Once they were gone, Dean turned to Cas with an apologetic look. "Sorry," he murmured in embarrassment.

"You should be," he whispered quietly. "I can't be open about this, Dean. This is us. No one else' business. I love you but God, you can be really naive sometimes in the way you just expose us like that." He spoke softly, sounding a little annoyed but not enough to ruin the evening. He pressed a kiss to Dean's cheek and stroked a hand through his hair. "Just tone it down next time, okay," he murmured quietly.

Dean bit his lip and cast his eyes down at his hands. "Sorry," he mumbled, feeling like an immature dickhead. But it wasn't like they were naked or anything, if they were fucking Dean definitely wouldn't have reacted the same way. Or if it was somebody else rather than Sam and Ruby. "Sam doesn't really care, though. He's just being a little bitch about it. I'm really sorry, Cas." He turned to Cas and gave him another apologetic, sheepish look.

Castiel shrugged lightly, pressing a soft forgiving kiss to Dean's cheek. "It's okay, Dean," he whispered softly. "These things happen." He kissed Dean again and again, pressing soft tender touches all over Dean, trying to keep up the nice mood they had going. "Sam's gone now. Let's just go back out there and have fun," he suggested lightly, trailing a gentle hand through Dean's hair. "I mean, my boner is definitely gone now," Castiel said, laughing a little.

Dean nodded and hummed in agreement. "Yeah, same here." He said, glancing down at his lap. He was a little too shaken from their surprise visit from Sam, and it would be better to just go back in and enjoy the rest of the night. He grinned sheepishly and started fixing their clothes, hoping it wouldn't be too obvious what they'd been doing. Once they were relatively presentable, Dean opened the car door and they got out.

Castiel joined him shortly after, getting out the car and sorting out his hair and shirt. Once he thought he looked reasonable he nodded at Dean, fixing his tie and smiled brightly. "Gorgeous as ever, love," he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to Dean's lips before taking the other's hand and moved back towards the gym. Once there, they soon found their friends, joining the crowd and going back to enjoying the night after the awkward occurrence.

Dean purposely avoided making eye contact with Sam and Ruby once they got back inside. He smiled at their friends and didn't stand too close to Cas to make it less obvious, and he walked over to Anna and grabbed her hand for a spin. He pulled her close for a dance and looked over her shoulder at the guy who'd been eyeing her up all evening. He leaned down to whisper in her ear, "Someone's checking you out," he spun her around so she could see over his shoulder, and he saw her blush and try to hide her smile. Jonathan was looking at the beautiful girl with the red hair and he smiled a little when he finally caught her eye, and the way she blushed was adorable and Jonathan wanted to speak to her, wanted to know her name.

Castiel watched Dean dance with Anna and smiled happily. He went over to Meg and danced with her and Bela for a while. Jonathan continued to watch the red hair girl dance. She was so beautiful. He would have back away if he knew she was with Dean but after seeing him with Castiel he knew that wasn't the case. He took a deep breath, finished his punch and carefully approached the redhead. "Excuse me," he said, voice soft and velvety. His dark brown eyes shimmering a little as the light hit them. His smile soft and easy as he held out his hand slowly towards the girl he was so dying to meet. "Would you mind if I had this dance?" He looked at Anna before looking at Dean, being a gentleman and asking the guy she was dancing with as well for permission to take her away.

Dean and Anna watched Jonathan approach them and Dean felt Anna's hand tighten on his arm out of nervousness, and he smiled reassuringly at her and backed away a little. Anna smiled shyly up at Jonathan and took his hand, looking over at Dean with a nervous grin. Dean smiled encouragingly and backed away. He headed back over to the group. "Who's that guy?" He asked quietly, not knowing the name of the person dancing with Anna.

Anna looked up shyly at the guy as they danced. They were kind of just standing facing each other and bobbing to the music, Anna was too nervous to actually dance properly. "What's your name?" The guy asked, his voice loud to be heard over the music. Anna leaned a little closer. "Anna," she told him, "What's yours?" "Jonathan," he answered with a small smile, and she smiled back and blushed.

Castiel linked his hand with Dean's and sighed, leaning his head against the other's shoulder. "That's Jonathan," Meg answered, leaning against the punch table. "He's in my calculus class. Great guy," Meg grinned, looking over at Bela and winked, "Great ass, too." Anna danced with Jonathan and they were both smiling timidly. "You look beautiful," Jonathan crooned, daring to place an arm around her waist and dance with her slowly as the music settled again.

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist and swayed them gently to the slow music, turning his gaze over to Anna and Jonathan. "He looks nice," he said thoughtfully, "And Anna looks like she's glowing." Anna tensed slightly when Jonathan put his arm around her and pulled her just a little bit closer, but he wasn't being forceful. He was very polite and gentle and she was enjoying herself more than she thought she would. "Thank you," she replied timidly, "You look really nice, too. I haven't really seen you around school very much,"

Jonathan chuckled lightly. "And I the same. You're a secretive one, Anna. I certainly would have remembered seeing you around school." He span Anna quickly before bring her back close. "If you wouldn't mind. I'd quite like to see you again," he said, biting his lip nervously. His head was dipped down to hide his anxious smile, not wanting Anna to see him with no confidence. Around his friends he tried to keep up appearances but in truth, he was a very shy boy.

Anna blushed deeply at Jonathan's compliment and looked up at him with a shy smile. "I'm usually in the art rooms," she explained, biting her lip as well. She met his eyes and giggled nervously at the expression on his face, but she was already feeling more relaxed and comfortable in his presence. He was really good looking, and his eyes were honest and kind, and there was just something about him that was magnetic and unique. She liked how he seemed pretty genuine and wasn't being cocky to try to impress her, he was just down to earth and very nice. "I'd like that too."

Jonathan looked up with a beaming smile. Small dimples appearing in his cheeks. "Great, I'll-uh.. swing by the art rooms some time?" he suggested, not wanting to be too bold and ask her out yet. Maybe getting to know her in school would be better first. He gave a small sigh, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear and blushed a little. "You like donuts? I can bring some by tomorrow, we could have lunch?"

Anna held her breath as Jonathan tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, and her face heated up again. She was sure she looked as red as a tomato, redder than her hair, but Jonathan was shy and blushing too. He was really cute. "That sounds great," she agreed with a bright smile, "I really like chocolate frosted donuts," she added timidly. They were still slow dancing, even though the song had changed to a slightly faster one. Anna hesitated before taking a leap and lifting her arms to rest on Jonathan's shoulders.

Jonathan smiled brightly. "Chocolate frosted it is," he nodded with a small smile. He leaned a little closer as Anna did, wrapping his arms a little tighter around her waist. He didn't care that the song had changed. He wanted to keep dancing with Anna this way. He liked her. This was nice. "I can't believe I'm here with the most beautiful girl. I'm a very lucky man," he murmured in her ear honestly. He wasn't trying to pick her up. Just tell her what he thought. She deserved to know just how beautiful he thought she was.

Anna wrapped her arm more firmly around Jonathan's shoulders and moved in closer so they were just swaying back and forth. His lips were by her ear and she shivered slightly at the feeling of his warm breath ghosting across her skin. She'd only just met him, and she was no good at flirting, and she couldn't believe that she, shy little Anna, was here dancing with a nice boy she'd met a few minutes ago and they were already holding each other like it was natural. She'd never even had a boyfriend before. She hid her face in his shoulder and giggled slightly at the romantic comment, not sure what to say. "Sorry," she apologized awkwardly, "I just... this is going to sound stupid but I feel like we're in a fairy tale."

Jonathan giggled lightly with her. "Well if we are, you are most certainly my princess." He ran his hand lightly up and down her back, like he had the right to do that. He didn't know why. Things just seemed easy with her. He felt like he could be comfortable in his skin. His nose nudged lightly against her ear as he moved away so he could look at her. Beautiful. He smiled shyly, laughing a little at his own cheesiness.

Anna laughed and leaned just a little closer to him. He was taller than her by at least six inches, and she liked how she had to look up at him, and she liked the way his arms felt around her. "I don't know what I'm doing," she admitted sheepishly, "I've never really, um, danced with anyone like this before. Or, you know..." She hoped he could figure out what she was implying, that she'd never even been on a date. She had to let him know, because whatever was happening between them seemed like it was going to lead to something more, and Anna didn't want to embarrass herself by not knowing what to do.

Jonathan smiled sweetly, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear again. "Don't worry, Anna. It's nothing to be ashamed about. I'm not going to force anything on you. If it's too much. I'll back away." He didn't want to do that but it'd be rude not to do so if she asked. He liked her. He wanted to see where things went. He moved his hand back down to her waist and lowered it just a fraction to rest on her hip.

Anna shook her head quickly. "No, I understand, I just felt a little uncertain, that's all. I don't have any experience in this department, just thought I'd warn you. In case I mess up." She bit her lip to keep from babbling and then tensed a little when she felt Jonathan's hand tentatively slide a little lower on her body to rest on her hip. She placed her hand over his and moved his hand up back to where it previously was, because she felt like her heart was going to burst out of her chest. This was all so new and she was still getting used to the idea of a boy actually talking to her, let alone dancing with her and telling her she was beautiful. She smiled shyly up at him to let him know it was okay, she just wasn't ready for anything more than what they were doing right then.

"I understand," he said softly, giving her an apologetic smile. He kept his hand still around her waist, not wanting to overstep his boundaries again. "And that's okay. We've only just met," he smiled softly. If Anna was paying attention she'd see that practically all her friends were stood about ten foot away and watching intently. Jonathan too, was oblivious. He sighed when the song ended, seeing his friends gesture for him as they were leaving. He smiled at Anna. "Thanks for the dance," he murmured, pressing a light kiss to her hand as he removed it from his shoulder. "I'll see you around, princess." Castiel's " .God." could be heard across the room but neither seemed to notice. Dean had hit him and everyone quickly pretended to be doing something else, incase Anna noticed they'd been watching this entire time.

Anna smiled dazedly when Jonathan kissed her hand and called her princess before walking away, leaving her speechless and lightheaded. She watched until he left with his group of friends and then she searched for her own friends. They were standing in a group a short distance away and she practically skipped over to them, grinning widely and feeling light and airy. She couldn't believe what had just happened, it felt like a dream. She reached the group and just stood there, placing her cool hands on her own cheeks to try to cool them down a bit. "Wow," was all she could say, and they all smiled at her and crowded around. The girls squealed and asked a ton of questions, leaving Anna even more flustered and giddy. She headed over to the punch bowl and took a cup, drinking it quickly.

Castiel gave Dean an apologetic look for slipping up and both watched Anna with a fond smile as she tried to act non-chalaunt about the whole thing but they knew she was minutes away from grinning and squealing in excitement. "Love, I'm tired," Castiel said with a small yawn. "Can we go home? I wanna snuggle up with you and Amber and get out of this suit...without being interrupted."

Dean grinned and nodded in agreement. It had been an interesting night and Dean was itching to get out of his uncomfortable suit and his shoes were hurting his feet. "Yeah, I think I'm ready to go," he agreed, and turned to the rest of the group. "Anyone else want to leave right now? I can give rides if anyone needs it."

Anna nodded timidly, looking between Castiel and Dean. "If you don't mind.." she began before Meg shook her head. "Sweetie, you're comin' with us. We're going over to Bela's to watch a movie and talk about this new toy boy of yours." Anna blushed and was ushered away by the other two girls. Castiel laughed a little, waving them off before turning back to Dean. "I guess it's just you and me...and Sam and Ruby," he said slowly, biting his lip awkwardly. His eyes darted towards the floor.

Dean waved goodbye to the girls and grinned after them, pleased that Anna had enjoyed herself despite how quiet and shy she typically was. Dean turned back to Cas and rubbed his arm reassuringly. "It could've been much worse," he said, and then leaned in close to whisper teasingly in Castiel's ear, "You could've been fucking me. Now, that would've been something." He kissed Castiel's cheek sweetly and then backed away with an innocent smile. He looked around the room for Sam's tall head, and spotted him. He happened to catch his brother's eyes and waved him over. Sam came over with Ruby, pushing his way through the crowd and making sure the petite girl didn't get jostled by the dancers. Sam gave them an awkward smile, and before he could say anything, Dean spoke up. "Okay, so Cas and me are tired and we're leaving, do you guys want a ride?" Sam shrugged and said, "There's a party at one of Ruby's friend's house, could you drive us there?" Dean nodded and looked at Cas. "You cool with that?"

Castiel looked at Dean with a scowl. "You're disgusting." He hated talking about it. Sex was something between them. Acknowledging the fact Sam knew about them in a visual sense just made it weird. He saw Sam and Ruby come towards them and he linked his hand with Dean's, dipping his head towards the ground and hid behind Dean a little. "Sure. Let's go," he said, walking away and out to the car.

Dean raised his eyebrows in confusion at Castiel's reaction to his comment and then sighed, feeling troubled. They all headed out to the car. Cas sat in the front and Sam and Ruby were in the backseat. This was going to be an awkward drive. Dean didn't know whether or not to turn on the radio, but he decided not to in favor of getting directions to the party house from Ruby.

Castiel sat stiffly in the front seat. All that was going through his mind was the fact that Sam and Ruby were sat where Castiel and Dean had fucked. Maybe not tonight, but it had happened and it made him feel a little uneasy. So he sat silently, mumbling goodbye when Ruby and Sam left the car and up to whoever's house it was the party was at. He just stared down at his feet, unsure what to do or say until they were alone again.

"Have fun and make healthy choices, kids," Dean called after Sam and Ruby as they left the car and headed towards the house. Once the two of them were alone in the car, Dean looked at Cas hesitantly. "Are you okay?" He asked quietly, feeling discomfo, tension, and unhappiness radiating off Cas and putting Dean in a bad mood too. "I'm sorry I'm such a douchebag," he added, holding the steering wheel but not driving away quite yet.

Castiel remained quiet for a long time before speaking up. "You're not a douchebag," he whispered, still looking at his feet. "I'm just...insecure about these things. The last brother who saw me that exposed...well, he had me bent over the table." Castiel played with his hands nervously. "I know it's not the same," he said, shaking his head. He knew Sam wouldn't hurt him or anything. "It's just..I don't know...I'm just being silly."

The silence was tense and Dean was about to say something, or start the car and drive away from the house, but then Cas spoke up and Dean listened, staying perfectly still. "I get that," he murmured, "I'm sorry. I should've been more aware, I wasn't thinking." He looked up at Cas finally, searching his face and waiting for him to meet his gaze. "I wanna make it up to you," he said earnestly, hoping Cas would accept it.

Castiel continued to play with his hands anxiously, finally looking up at Dean after a moment. "You don't have to," he whispered. "You weren't thinking. You were horny a-and I haven't spoken about Lucifer in months. It doesn't seem fair for you to keep the memory fresh. I'm trying to move on and forget about it. You should too." He lifted his hand to play with the microphone cufflink on Dean's shirt, biting his lip. "Can you just drop me off? I wanna go home."


	48. Chapter 48

Dean watched Castiel as he spoke, picking up a tangled mix of emotions that he couldn't quite place. He stayed silent and let Cas say what he needed to, and then waited a moment before taking a small breath and answering, "Okay, Cas." Dean wasn't offended that Cas just wanted to be alone tonight, but he didn't really understand what was going through Castiel's mind. But Dean had to respect Castiel's wishes and give him space when he needed it. He pulled away from the curb and drove to Castiel's house, the ride silent and smooth. Dean kind of felt dazed, it was that kind of feeling that always came when he was out late after a busy night. He felt sleepy and dreamlike.

Castiel bit his lip. He felt bad but Dean just didn't understand. It was just one of those things he wasn't quite sure he could explain without sending mixed messages. When they finally arrived at Castiel's house he paused for a moment, playing with his hands. "I guess, you could come in...if you want. I just want to sleep though. I'm not in the mood to talk or anything." He left the car, giving Dean the choice. He wasn't in the right frame of mind to really care if Dean was there or not and for that he felt really guilty. He'd make it up to him, somehow.

Dean looked at Cas and shrugged. "It's okay," he said. He got the feeling Cas kind of just wanted to be alone, and Dean didn't want to be too pushy or clingy. Cas needed space and time to think and just be alone, and Dean could understand that. He smiled tiredly at Cas, not moving from his position. "You just go inside and go to sleep, stretch out and take up the entire bed. Unless you want me to stay." Dean knew Cas was trying to give Dean the choice of staying or leaving, but either one Dean chose would make him feel guilty.

Castiel shrugged. "You can come in," he said with little enthusiasm. Just tired and fed up. He supposed it would be better if Dean was there. He could talk to him in the morning once he sorted himself out. He headed inside, Amber scampered out the door as soon as he opened it only to follow him back inside. She wouldn't stop mewing and circling his feet, causing him to trip and stumble his way into the kitchen to get her some food. He quickly uncapped a tin can and poured the contents into her bowl. She had her head in the food before he even had a chance to put the bowl down. He sighed running a hand through his hair as he brushed past Dean and headed upstairs. He stripped off his clothes, down to his boxers and crawled into bed and under the covers.

Dean hesitated a moment before sighing and following Cas into the house. He waited for him in the doorway and watched as he fed his cat, and then Cas walked right by him, his face expressionless, and Dean stood there for a few seconds before walking over to Amber once Cas had gone upstairs. She was already done eating most of her food, and Dean picked her up and looked right at her. "You need to make him feel better, I don't think he likes me very much right now," he whispered into the cat's ear, and he carried her upstairs. He found Castiel already in bed and under the covers, his tuxedo thrown carelessly on the floor. Dean carefully approached the bed and placed Amber beside Cas as a kind of peacemaking gesture.

Castiel rested his head heavily against the pillow. He could feel the weight of something moving about the bed. At first he thought it was Dean until light paws padded up his legs and Castiel knew it was Amber. He didn't bother moving. Just waited until she curled up by his side and mewed. Her breath rancid from the cat food, Castiel pushed her away lightly until she was no longer in his face. He just wanted to sleep. He turned over, causing Amber to tumble and resort to curling up at the foot of the bed. Castiel laid on his side so he was facing the empty side of the bed. He waited for Dean to slide in next to him but didn't look at the man. Just stared at the creases in the bedsheets absently, wondering what his next move should be.

Dean winced as his efforts didn't work and he pet Amber's head apologetically and stood there awkwardly. "Cas, you're gonna have to help me out here. I don't know what you want me to do, do you want me to get in the bed or should I just sleep on the couch downstairs? Or maybe the floor?" Cas was turned away from him and Dean couldn't see his face, so he had no idea what was going through Castiel's mind and it was making Dean feel twitchy and uncomfortable.

Castiel was silent for a long time before responding. "Get in the bed." It was short and not so sweet but it was an answer nonetheless. He was too tired to be nice. Although guilt ran through him he knew he'd make it up to Dean later when he was in a better mood. To his credit, he at least managed to lift the covers enough to take the hint if he hadn't heard him the first time.

Dean sighed and rolled his eyes. "Thanks," he muttered flatly, unbuttoning his shirt and stepping out of his pants to his undershirt and boxers. He walked around to get in the bed so he wouldn't have to crawl over Cas and then he slipped into the bed beside him, but left a space between them. If Cas wanted to be closer, that was his choice. Dean definitely wasn't going push anything on Cas when he was in this mood. He lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling perfectly still. Cas was still on his side facing him, but Dean didn't move.

Castiel watched as Dean slid into bed and absently stared up at the ceiling. Castiel hesitantly reached out and took Dean's left hand, twining it with his before he place them in the space between them. He rubbed his thumb over Dean's ring as his eyes drifted closed. He sighed stressfully, knowing he'd have to deal with his behaviour once he woke up again. Dean didn't deserve this. This was his problem. It'd been three months. He shouldn't have to keep burdening Dean with his past but Lucifer just wouldn't leave him alone. It saddened him to think that in a moment like this, Maurice would have known exactly what to say.

Dean tensed in surprise as Cas took his hand, and he looked over at him to see that he'd closed his eyes, and Dean watched him for a moment before sighing quietly and looking back up at the ceiling, not letting go of Castiel's hand but not squeezing it any harder. He felt like he was being tossed around by Castiel's constant emotional tidal waves, and he was going to drown if this kept happening. He'd thought this was over, or starting to be over, but Cas was obviously having trouble moving on from the past, and Dean didn't know what to do except be here, or be whatever Cas needed him to be. He felt like he was being used, but he didn't want to lose Cas again.

Castiel fell asleep pretty quickly. He didn't want to dwell on Maurice right now. He'd had enough emotion for one day without bringing the loss of a good friend into it. He awoke in the morning to Dean still laying beside him. He smiled sadly, shuffling up to his side a little. He still left a small gap but just so they were lightly brushing against each other. He kept his hand in Dean's looking at the ring and sighing. He didn't deserve Dean. To put up with all his crap. "I'm sorry," he told the sleeping form beside him. "I didn't mean to take it out on you." He squeezed the hand and looked up at Dean with a sad smile. "I love you."

Dean took a longer time falling asleep, because his mind was working like crazy. Eventually, the sound of Castiel's steady breathing lulled him to sleep and he relaxed, still holding Castiel's hand gently in his own. In the morning, Dean woke up to the sound of Castiel's voice murmuring quietly, and the bed shifted slightly. He could feel sunlight warm on his face through the window, and he opened his eyes slowly to squint over at Cas. "Morning," he mumbled, his voice rough and scratchy from sleep. He studied Cas thoughtfully, wondering if he'd be better today and easier to talk to. "How'd you sleep?"

Castiel smiled a little. "Good. God knows I needed it." He sighed softly, letting go of Dean's hand to move his own up to Dean's cheek. "I'm sorry I was such a jerk to you. You didn't deserve that. I'm just have a tough time dealing with this whole Lucifer thing, you can understand that, right?" he asked hopefully. He'd been raped and sometimes Dean seemed to forget that. It wasn't a nice thought to always carry around but when things like yesterday happened, Dean could at least be more considerate in the way he handles things because of that fact.

Dean gave Cas a small smile in reply. "Yeah, you needed it. And it's okay, I get it. I really need to stop being such a pervert and quit making innuendos." Dean knew that he didn't deserve it, but he didn't tell Cas that. He didn't want Cas to feel guilty for this, because yeah, Cas had been raped and that was a pretty big deal and not something you just forgot about easily. He looked at Cas apologetically and sat up a little. "How about I cook you breakfast to make up for it?" He offered with a small smile. "Anything you want. Provided that your house is stocked with food."

Castiel smiled, kissing Dean's nose. "Sounds great. Cook whatever you want. I don't mind. There's chocolate chip pancakes, waffles and I think maybe some bacon somewhere. I'm going to go take a shower. I'll be down in a bit." He kissed Dean lightly. A chaste kiss to the lips to say everything was fine. He padded out of the room and into the bathroom to wash off the sadness that yesterday had brought. Today was Saturday and he wanted to make things right between him and Dean and spend the day together, celebrating the fact Dean's ring finally fit.

Dean smiled in relief and nodded. "I'll surprise you." he said, feeling warm from Castiel's kiss on the nose and then the little chaste kiss on the lips. "Don't take too long, don't want the food to get cold." He got up as Cas went into the bathroom and then headed downstairs, still in his boxers and sleeveless undershirt. He could wait to shower until after breakfast. He pawed through the cupboards until he found the pancake mix and some chocolate chips, and he decided to just make pancakes because it was relatively easy. He set about making them, and soon a plate of hot, fresh chocolate chip pancakes were waiting on the table he'd set with two places, the smell of the food wafting warmly through the house. He heard Cas come out of the shower, and then the doorbell rang a second later. "I'll get it," he yelled up the stairs so Cas wouldn't have to come down in a towel. Dean turned off the flame and hurried to the door, still holding the spatula and feeling optimistic about the day. He opened the door to find an unfamiliar young man standing there, dressed in posh-looking clothing. He looked like he'd stepped out of a fashion magazine or photoshoot or something, and Dean looked him up and down curiously. "Can I help you?" He asked uncertainly. Maybe it was one of Castiel's brother's friends or a cousin or something, because Dean had never seen him before.

Castiel had just gotten out of the shower when he heard the doorbell go. He cursed under his breath and quickly began drying off before he remembered Dean was downstairs and would get it. Even so, he quickly changed into a pair of pyjama pants and padded downstairs. He didn't want to get changed. He was too comfy to just lounge around and there was no way he was getting changed properly for whoever was at the door.

"I...uh?" a thick French accent stumbled, wondering if he'd gotten the right address, whilst looking Dean up and down. He couldn't have been more than nineteen years old, his hair in unruly black curls which looked strangely tamed at the same time. His eyes gentle and relaxed looked almost golden in the morning light. He wore a Ralph Lauren black suit jacket, something expensive that he wore with a grey v-neck shirt and dark jeans to appear casual despite how posh his attire actually was. His posture was a little stiff, being in an unfamiliar place but he wore an easy smile that made him appear easy to talk to.

Castiel had made it half way down the stairs when he saw the man standing in the doorway. His smile broke out into the grin as he ran the rest of the way down the stairs and flung his arms around the man's neck. "Maurice!" he beamed. The other chuckled, wrapping his arms around Castiel's waist as he proceeded to pull back just enough to kiss him on both cheeks. "Mon cher, it's so good to see you," Maurice grinned, looking over at Dean with a bright smile. "And this must be Dean, non?" Castiel nodded, pulling back to wrap an arm around Dean's waist and leant against him lightly whilst Maurice greeted the man with two kisses, one to each cheek.

Dean's eyes widened as he realized who it was, and a flare of jealousy coiled tight in his chest. He stepped back and watched with clenched teeth as Cas ran downstairs in nothing but a pair of loose pajama pants and practically threw himself at the guy, looking happier than Dean had seen him in ages. He couldn't help but stare at the way Castiel leaned into Maurice's body and the way those arms in that expensive coat wrapped around Castiel's waist, big strong hands resting on bare skin as if they belonged there. And if that wasn't bad enough, the douche had the nerve to kiss Cas on both cheeks, smiling the whole time. Dean didn't move as Cas stepped back and leaned against him, and he didn't take his eyes off Maurice. What he wasn't prepared for was the guy giving him the same treatment, getting right up in Dean's space and kissing him on both cheeks as well. Dean stared at him in disbelief and narrowed his eyes. He wasn't stupid, he knew that it was a culture thing, but it still bothered him. Dean didn't say anything to Maurice, but he turned to Cas and murmured, "What is he doing here?" in Castiel's ear.

As if on cue Dean asked him why he was here. Castiel thinking the same thing. He wrote to Maurice a few times. Just like he did with Samandriel, keeping them up to date with his life and how he was doing after Jimmy's death for Samandriel and the incident with Lucifer with Maurice. "W-What are you doing here?" Castiel grinned in disbelief. Maurice shrugged. "Mon père, he's over on...ah...business. I came to see you." Castiel knew his father was associates with Crowley. That was actually one of the reasons they had met. His mom had mentioned a college at work who had a son his age and they'd eventually found each other when he joined Maurice's college.

Dean raised his eyebrows and looked Maurice up and down again. He was certainly good looking, taller than Dean and with a great body, no doubt, much more athletic than Dean. He was one of those tall, dark, and handsome types and Dean had never been jealous of a guy before but he was already starting to hate this one. An educated, rich, polite young French guy. How romantic. "Yeah, well. I forgot to turn the stove off," he lied, slipping back into the house. He had to get away from that scene, because standing there with the two of them was really damn uncomfortable and Dean felt unneeded.

Castiel blinked in confusion as Dean walked away. He gave a small smile to Maurice and stepped to the side to let him in. "So how long are you in town for?" Castiel asked, not really sure what to say. He hadn't expected Maurice to be here. Especially without notice. "A few days," he answered with a small shrug as they walked into the kitchen. Maurice stopped when Castiel did in front of the pancakes and frowned lightly. He pressed his fingertip lightly to Castiel's chest, over his heart and cocked his head. "Where's your ring?" he asked, remembering Castiel hadn't taken the damn thing the entire time he'd known him but he'd been too upset to explain more than it was Dean's. "Back were it belongs," Castiel beamed, taking Dean's left hand and held it out proudly to show Maurice. There was a sad flicker in Maurice's eyes but it vanished almost immediately. "Congratulations," he said to both Dean and Castiel. "I'm so happy you both worked things out. And you're both so beautiful and healthy," he rejoiced happily. "Your letters said Dean was sick, non? He looks the picture of health. I'm a little jealous," he teased, elbowing Castiel playfully and laughed a little.

Dean busied himself with the stovetop and put the pan in the sink with a little more force than necessary. He heard Cas and Maurice walk into the room, chatting like a couple of old ladies, and Dean's back stiffened when Maurice mentioned the ring. He couldn't help but feel smug as Cas turned him around and held out Dean's hand with the ring on his finger, but the feeling didn't last long. "You didn't tell me you were writing to him," Dean said to Cas, but he was looking at Maurice with a subtly challenging stare. Who did he think he was, walking into Castiel's house out of the blue and just inviting himself into their lives. Things were already pretty tense between Dean and Cas before this guy showed up, and now Dean felt like all his muscles were taught and he was either going to lose his temper or just run away, and he didn't know which one was better. He clenched his jaw tightly and took a deep breath, slow and steady and tried not to be a possessive asshole.

Castiel shrugged. "Things were complicated. You were sick. I needed someone to talk to about it." He knew that look on Dean's face and mentally winced. He could feel their happy morning slowly slipping away. It wasn't Maurice's fault. He wasn't to know. He just wanted to see his friend. It wasn't his fault he'd come at the wrong time. "Besides, I write to Samandriel too," he added for good measure so Dean didn't get all jealous and freaked out. Maurice looked between the two and hesitated, seeing the way Dean looked at him. "It was nice to meet you Dean," he mentions casually before turning to Castiel. "Perhaps I should go. We could meet later for dinner?" he offered, seeing an obvious tension between the two. Castiel nodded with a small smile. "Sure. I'll call you around seven?" Maurice nodded before being shown to the door and headed back to his motel.

Dean waited until the door was closed before looking up at Cas with a questioning, slightly accusing look. "Well, that was unexpected," he said, stepping away from the wall he was leaning against and walking slowly across the room, the pancakes untouched. He wasn't hungry anymore, and his light, cheerful mood had evaporated in only a few minutes and he wished he'd never woken up this morning. "I knew the guy had a thing for you, but I wasn't really sure to what expect. He came all the way here to pay you a surprise visit. Or was it really a surprise?"

Castiel frowned when Dean accused him of knowing about this. "Dean, if I had known. I would have told you," he said firmly. "I told him I didn't feel the same way before I left. He knows about us. I wouldn't lead him on or go behind your back. We're friends, alright." He's a bit annoyed at Dean's attitude. They'd been over this before. Castiel had told him they'd kissed and move on. What else was there to say. He followed Dean, cupping his cheek lightly so he'd look at him. "I love you. Just because he flew all this way doesn't mean anything is going to change that fact. I'm going to go to dinner and tell him to go home. For good. It's nice being pen-pals but I don't think I can handle it. Especially with the way he feels for me and they way you get all tense when he's around. I don't want to make it another thing between us."

Dean pulled away from Castiel's hand and hated himself as he did it, but he'd seen the way Maurice was looking at Cas and he'd also noticed the look of disappointment when he saw the ring on Dean's finger. He knew he was being unfair and stubborn, but he couldn't deal this this right now. It was one more thing on the pile of shit that was their lives. "I bet you were disappointed when you came back here and found me like I was, a pathetic, pitiful mess. I wouldn't be surprised if you were disappointed, after spending time with Maurice. The tall, handsome French guy with a great ass." Dean walked away right after he said that, because he didn't want to see the look on Castiel's face. He slipped on his shoes and grabbed his jacket and walked out to his car, completely ready to just drive away in his underwear. He knew he was being stupid and immature, but he just needed to get out of there.

Castiel could only stand there in shock as Dean said such hurtful things to him before walking away and out the door. Castiel wasn't sure why but he grabbed a pancake and hurried off out after Dean. He pulled Dean back by the shoulder roughly, getting him to look at him. "I was grateful. Not disappointed, you ass. I thank God every night for bringing us back together. For letting me bring you back to health just like Maurice did for me. You may not like him, Dean. But he's a good friend and without him I'd be in the same heap you were in a few weeks ago. We'd both be dead. We owe him, Dean. And I wouldn't know about his ass. You seem to be the only one that's looked."

Dean could hear Cas running after him and he had no choice but to turn around. The first thing he noticed was the pancake hanging limply in Castiel's hand, and he decided to focus on that rather than looking up at Castiel's face for a moment. Cas was right about everything, but Dean didn't tell him that. Instead, he looked up at Cas in disbelief. "Oh, really?" He said, raising his eyebrows and smiling coldly, "Like I'm sure you spent all that time with him and never once checked him out. Can't blame you if you did, he's pretty hot. A real keeper. Tall, good features, muscles in all the right places. Very appealing." Dean knew he should stop, but he was always the jealous type and even though he knew he was being unfair he just couldn't quit. He got into the car and gave Cas one last look before driving away, running away from his problems and avoiding the regret and embarrassment that his reaction would bring.

Castiel's eyes widened and he felt like punching Dean for what he had said. Instead, he threw the pancake at Dean's car and ran back inside, putting a hoodie on before getting on his bike and followed Dean back to his house. There was no way he was going to let him leave things like this. Not after what Dean had said. Once again, he'd missed the point entirely. Anger boiled his blood as he gritted his teeth, driving a little faster making it to Dean's house just after Dean. He banged on his front door, determined to sort things out. Now.

As soon as Dean got home he collapsed on his bed and turned on his iPod full volume through the speakers, blasting his metal and hard rock playlist that he always listened to when he was angry and needed to calm down. His hands were shaking, and he laid on his back just absorbing the loud, fast beats and incoherent screaming vocals. In between songs, he heard something that sounded like someone was trying to break down the front door. He cursed and turned the music off to head downstairs. He knew it was Cas, and he considered not answering the door, but he'd already been enough of an ass. He opened the door and stared flatly at Cas, waiting for him to say something but not actually inviting him in.

Castiel full on tackled Dean when he opened the door. He was thankful John or Sam hadn't answered the door. Otherwise that would have been embarrassing. He pinned Dean to the floor, straddling his waist so he couldn't move. His arms pinned above his head. "You ass," Castiel growled angrily. "How many times do I have to say this?!" His eyes were clouded, only anger and hurt guiding his way. " .Raped," he said loud and clear. "I was a mess. I still am. I've only just started trusting you sexually again. You really think I spent my time in France checking out guys?!" he spat, tears welling up in his eyes as he held Dean's arms in place tighter out of frustration. "I could barely fucking walk. I spent every God damn day limping, feeling the weight and burden of your ring around my neck. I didn't have time for guys. Maurice got that message pretty clear. I've never seen him that way, Dean. And I never will because he's not you."

The unexpected impact of Castiel's body knocked Dean flat on his back and knocked the wind out of him. His arms were pinned to the ground and Cas was sitting on his torso with his full weight, and Dean couldn't breathe. His head throbbed where it had hit the hardwood floor and the old ache from the car accident was starting up in his chest. He could only stare up at Cas through eyes squinted with pain and gasp for breath through his tight lungs. Cas was squeezing his wrists too hard and squeezing the air out of his lungs and he couldn't fucking breathe. But he definitely deserved it, because he was a total ass. He squirmed feebly and gasped. "Cas," he choked out, hating the pain in Castiel's eyes and wishing he could take back all the things he'd said. "Cas, I know," his voice was breaking and his eyes were foggy with unshed tears. "I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry." He closed his eyes and struggled to get air into his aching lungs.

Castiel looked over Dean's pained expression and loosened his grip. It was kinda hard to be mad at Dean when he'd just hurt him like this. He slid off of Dean to sat beside him on the floor, his leg resting in Dean's lap and the other behind the other's back as he sat with his legs scissored, slotting him against Dean's side as he helped Dean into sitting position and rubbed his back to ease him as he got his breath back. "You're a fucking idiot," he grumbled, resting his forehead against Dean's shoulder and squeezed his eyes shut. "Don't do this to me again, please?" Castiel asked, sounding tired. "I just want to be happy."

Dean gasped for air and rubbed his eyes, coughing weakly. He looked over at Cas with a scowl and moved away from him, standing up and getting to his feet. He rubbed the back of his head and looked down at Cas, who was still sitting on the floor. "What the hell, Cas," he muttered in annoyance. "You should be a linebacker. Damn good tackle." Dean could already feel a bump rising on the back of his head, and he shuffled into the kitchen to grab some ice and wrap it in a paper towel. "Okay, you wanna talk? Let's talk. No need to be violent." Dean gestured lazily towards the couch and headed over to sit on it, giving Cas an expectant look.

Castiel looked put out when Dean moved away but he expected as much. He nodded slowly and stood from the floor and sat on the couch, waiting for Dean to join him. He bit his head worryingly when Dean sat down with the ice against his head. "I'm sorry, love," he murmured, tentatively reaching out for the ice to pull it away to check the bump before putting the ice back against his head carefully, taking the ice from Dean's hand. He wanted to at least feel useful. "I just got mad. I-I don't know what came over me. I haven't felt that angry since I tackled Balthazar back in high school." He sighed defeatedly, moving away but kept his hand to Dean's head. "I'm so sorry, Dean."

Dean sighed and shook his head, wincing as Cas touched the swelling bump on his head and held the ice against it, but he let Cas do it. "It's all right, I deserved it," he muttered, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "I was a jerk, and you were defending yourself. It's okay." Dean opened his eyes and looked at Cas. "I just... I get this feeling from him, you know? Like... the way he looks at you, I just felt kind of... nervous. Like he wanted you, and he seems like a really nice guy and he's definitely attractive, so I just got a little freaked out and possessive." Dean took a breath when he was finished, and lowered his eyes to his lap. He'd apologized, and explained his unfriendly behavior, and hopefully Cas could forgive him.

"Dean," he said softly, lowering his eyes to Dean's lap also, gazing at the ring on his hand. "I understand that and in a way...I'm grateful you care enough to get this protective over me but you've got to understand he's just a friend. A real good friend. He saved my life. It's because of him I was strong enough to save you too. I can't just forget that but...if you want, I'll tell him to back off a bit. Tell him I can't see him and just keep writing to him instead or something," he compromised, he'd do anything to make things right between them. He looked back up at Dean and smiled sadly, resting his chin against the other's shoulder and kissed his neck softly to at least let him know he was forgiven.

"No, don't do that," Dean protested, shaking his head. "He's your friend, it wouldn't be fair to him. I just overreacted, it's okay. Really." Dean looked at Castiel, who was leaning towards him with his chin on his shoulder, and Dean leaned over a bit and lightly knocked his cheek against Castiel's forehead. "Cas, don't beat yourself up about this. I'm sorry I acted like a dick, the whole thing just caught me off guard. He probably hates me now." Dean looked at Cas regretfully and sighed. He was being irrational. If there was one thing certain, it was that Dean and Cas loved each other and nothing would come between them.

Castiel smiled a little, relieved to hear Dean could admit that he was at least wrong. If only a little. "It's okay," he said gently, pressing the ice carefully back against Dean's head. "I'm sorry I overreacted too. I'm just...I guess I'm still sensitive about the whole Lucifer thing. I shouldn't take it out on you." He lifted the ice from Dean's head, a small bump forming. He hissed in sympathy. He felt incredibly guilty for what he did. He hadn't realized just how hurt Dean was until he went and got ice. "Oh, baby," he winced, kissing Dean's bumped head tenderly. "I'm sorry. Are you hurt anywhere else? I-I didn't realize I'd jumped you that hard."

Dean shrugged as Castiel kissed the bump on his head. "It's okay," he assured Cas, not wanting them to be in a fight anymore. "That's what I'm here for, right?" Dean joked lightly with a small ironic smirk. "If you're going to unleash your wrath on somebody, it's better if it's me. And it's mostly just my head, but I hit my ass pretty hard too." Dean shrugged again and smiled at Cas softly.

Castiel gave a small sad smile before looking at Dean and smirking ridiculously. "You want me to kiss that better too?" he asked playfully, nuzzling up at Dean's side as he put the ice back on his head and kissed his cheek. He was glad they where just better now. No more fighting or grudges. He just wanted to have a nice day with his fiancé without any other problems.

Dean shrugged. "You can if you want," he replied, "But don't feel obliged. I'm sure it'll be okay." Dean leaned his cheek against Castiel's and let him keep the ice on his head. It was already starting to cool the pain, but he had a headache. His head had never really been the same since the accident, and every once in a while, if he hit it hard enough, he'd get an awful headache and have to resort to the painkiller drugs he'd saved and hidden in his room for future use, just in case. He tried not to let the pain show and smiled at Cas softly. "Maurice doesn't seem all that bad," he told Cas, "I was just really surprised when he showed up. I don't want there to be any hard feelings between the three of us, and if it's okay I'd like to start over again and meet him properly?"

Castiel smiled a little, grateful Dean was willing to make things better between them. "I'd like that. Why don't you come to dinner with us tonight?" he suggested with a casual shrug as if it wasn't a big deal either way. It was just dinner. He'd understand if Dean didn't want to go. "But let's not think about that right now. Let's just enjoy our day together." He kissed Dean's cheek before moving away for a moment to check the bump. It'd gone down a lot, only a little swelling left. He put the ice back on and curled back up by Dean's side. "We could watch a movie or go for a walk or something."

Dean nodded hesitantly. He'd made an ass of himself and even though he was willing to try again and make things less awkward, Maurice might not feel the same way and it had the potential to be an incredibly awkward evening. "Sounds good. I actually kind of want to get out of the house, get some fresh air." It wasn't as cold outside, and it wasn't too sunny either, but Dean still needed some painkillers. He stood up, told Cas he'd be right back, and headed upstairs to take some medicine. He came back down wearing a hoodie and sweatpants and a pair of sports sunglasses.

Castiel nodded, stretching out his back whilst he waited for Dean. When he came back down he wolf whistled, slow and sharp. "Lookin' hot, babe," Castiel murmured, opening the door for them. "You look like a celebrity whose trying to hide from the press." He grinned at the thought. His Dean a famous celebrity. It was silly really but he could image Dean become an actor in one of those TV shows about medicine. He'd be the hot doctor everyone'd swoon over and- Castiel realized he was just fantasising over his own fiancé a little too eagerly just then. He coughed and blushed awkwardly, walking out the house as he tried to let the fresh air cool his body down.

Dean smirked at Cas and nudged him gently with his elbow as he walked by, tilting his chin up in a cocky nod. "Yeah, that's me," he agreed jokingly. "Don't wanna drag you into the spotlight if you're not ready for it. But as soon as you are I'll ditch the shades." Dean smiled and linked his fingers with Castiel's as they walked outside into the cool air, and he took a deep breath and felt himself relax and fill with energy at the same time. "So, where do you wanna go?"

Castiel snorted out a laugh and batted Dean's arm lightly before their hands were linked together. "I don't mind," he shrugged, looking in both directions in front of Dean's house, trying to remember where things were. He looked back at his bike and rose an eyebrow, letting out a small smile. "Why don't we got to the cabin?" he asked with a bright smile. "It's a perfect day. We could go lay by the lake."

Dean stiffened only a little bit; the cabin wasn't completely finished, but he guessed it wouldn't be done until he and Cas picked out some new furniture and bedding and moved some of their stuff in. Dean was glad Cas couldn't see his eyes behind the sunglasses, because he wasn't sure if he should show Cas the house now or wait until a better occasion. "It's a really long walk," he stalled, trying to make up his mind.

Castiel shrugged. "Oh. Okay." He bit his lip in thought thinking of something else for them to do, not really paying attention to the way Dean stiffened at the mention of the cabin. Too many memories there anyway. How about the park? We could watch the clouds go by like we used to at lunch during school." He smiled as he remembered the feeling of lying in Dean's lap, without a care in the world.

Dean sighed in relief and nodded. "Yeah, let's do that." Dean missed having lunch with Cas outside, getting a break from school and just relaxing with Cas, completely carefree. "We haven't done something like this in a while." Dean smiled over at Cas and ruffled his hair playfully before kissing him softly on the lips. With their hands lazily linked, they began walking leisurely to the park.

Castiel smiled softly, squeezing Dean's hand a little. He liked this. Just being with his fiancé and treating the world one day at a time. He sighed happily as they made their way to the park. They found a nice tree and sat beneath it, Castiel's head in Dean's lap with his face pointed up towards the sky. He fisted his hand lightly in Dean's shirt before smoothing out the material and rubbed Dean's stomach absently.

Dean threaded his fingers through Castiel's hair and leaned back against the tree, closing his eyes and smiling contentedly. Spring was beginning and the ground wasn't too muddy where they were sitting, having been dried by the sun in the morning. The tree's shadow pointed away from them so they were able to soak up the sun's warmth, and Dean breathed deeply. "Hey, your birthday's coming up soon," Dean said, looking down at Cas and poking his cheek gently.

Castiel smiled a little, batting Dean's hand away lightly. "Sure is," he said non-commintingly. "Might just have a couple friends over," he mused, with a small sad smile. He and Jimmy had never really had parties before. Well, ones that weren't ruined by his elder brothers. It'd be nice to have one that went right for a change. "Maybe have some pizza, watch a movie. Something like that."

Dean grinned down at Cas and rubbed his stomach playfully, feeling the hard abs that Castiel had worked so hard to achieve. "Come on, it's your birthday. Only comes once a year, and this is your last year as a teenager. 19. Let's make it really special, yeah?" Dean already had some ideas for Castiel's birthday and he was really excited. Castiel's birthday was April 17th, which gave Dean just over two weeks to get everything ready for it. But first he had to figure out what Cas wanted the event to be like.

Castiel shrugged again. "I don't want to make a fuss," he said quietly. He really wasn't the type to make a statement or show off like Dean was. He'd just be happy to have a night in with some friends. Keep it quiet. Although, he remembered the last time he went drinking with Dean and couldn't help but smile at the thought. "Besides. Why would I want anything else when I have you?" he smirked, reaching up to stroke Dean's cheek.

Dean blushed and caught Castiel's hand in his own, bringing his fingers to his lips to kiss each of Castiel's knuckles lovingly. Even though Cas was smirking when he said it, Dean felt warm and content, his heart light and full of love for Cas. "You deserve so much more than me and that's what I want to give you," Dean insisted gently, smiling down at Cas and playing with his hair. "Don't worry, I won't embarrass you or anything. Promise."

Castiel turned away from Dean's intense gaze. Smiling brightly. "You're more than I deserve, Dean," he protested quietly. "I trust you, Dean. I-I just don't want to make a big thing about this." He looked back at Dean with a small smile. "I just don't want to make an ass out of myself again. I don't want to have to deal with drunken sex." He groaned at the thought, grimacing a little.

Dean nodded in understanding and patted Castiel's chest reassuringly. "I won't let you embarrass yourself either," Dean said with a small smile. "And no drunk sex. But I'm planning on providing some sort of alcohol, just to warn you. I was actually kind of thinking of just doing something small, like you said, but I want to make it special."

Castiel gave a small smile. Grateful Dean understood him. "Alcohol is fine. Just not too much. I want to remember my night." He played with Dean's fingers carefully. "I'd like that," he said quietly a small smile of contentment crossing his lips. "What did you have in mind?" he asked, looking up from their fingers to Dean's face.

Dean smiled and hummed softly as if he were deep in thought. "I was actually hoping to surprise you," he murmured, lifting his sunglasses to the top of his head and looking down at Cas so they could make eye contact. "But I'm thinking maybe we could go out and do something fun, something we've never done before, with some friends. And then later it could be just you and me." Of course the was the memory of Jimmy to acknowledge, and Dean wanted to give Cas time to pay his respects to his dead brother. And also, Dean was wondering if he could get in contact with Michael for this occasion.

Castiel made a small hum in appreciation. "I do like surprises," he hummed with a small grin. "That sounds exciting. Maybe we can...see Jimmy too?" He hadn't seen his brother since Christmas when he'd found Dean dying in the snow. He wondered whether Dean'd be willing to go back with him. To that place of bad memories. He didn't want to hurt Dean. He just needed to see his brother again.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, of course," he agreed. He wished he could've known Jimmy and seen him and Cas interact together. Cas had lost almost everything and Dean wished that Jimmy was still alive for Cas, because they'd clearly been really close. "I think that's a good idea."

Castiel's eyes widened a little in excitement. "R-Really?" His eyes began to water a little as he tucked his head against Dean's stomach, still resting in his lap. "Thank you," he whispered quietly. He loved Dean and he loved Jimmy. He just wished he could find a way to bring them together. But it just wasn't meant to be. All he could do was show Dean a tombstone and a box. Always a memory. Never a reality. He felt the tears slide a little and he hid his face against Dean's stomach.

Dean looked down at Castiel and stroked his hair softly, and his heart ached when he noticed Cas was crying. "Hey," he murmured softly, pulling Castiel up in his lap and hugging him close to his chest. He tucked Castiel's head against his shoulder so Cas could put his face against Dean's neck and Dean's arms could wrap around him. "I wish I could've known him," he murmured against Castiel's temple, "I only met him briefly but I'm honoured I even got to meet him at all. I just wish he was still here."

Castiel moved absently when Dean pulled him close. He buried his face in Dean's neck and sniffed a little. "Me too," he said, voice lost and small against the sound of the gentle breeze pushing past them. He felt like he was recently loosing his connection with Jimmy. Dean didn't know him. Didn't feel the need to talk about him. Castiel felt like he couldn't talk about him because of that. He felt like Jimmy was slipping away, staying in his past and that worried him. A lot.

Dean sighed sadly and held Castiel close, feeling him tremble slightly. It occurred to him that this was Castiel's first birthday without his twin, and Dean didn't even know much about Jimmy and what they used to do to celebrate their birthday. "What did you do with him on your birthday?" He asked Cas gently, hoping Cas had some good memories of the time the brothers had spent together to give him something pleasant to remember even though Jimmy was gone.

Castiel moved back a little, just enough to talk to Dean without the sound being muffled against the skin of his neck. "Before Jimmy...got sectioned...Mom'd take us to Walmart. She was always away at work so we'd have to wake up at 6am just to go there. She'd buy us a cake and a present each. I'd ask for paints. Jimmy'd stay silent. We'd go home, mom would go to work and we'd make a den. We'd tell stories and eventually we'd fall asleep there. Gabriel would sneak in and steal our cake before either of us work up a few hours later. Neither of us cared but...it would have been nice to have a cake. To let Jimmy feel normal for once." Castiel let out a shuddery breath. "I'm sorry...I shouldn't have said anything."

Dean cupped the back of Castiel's neck gently as he listened, and he bit his lip sadly. That wasn't much of a birthday celebration, but at least they were able to spend it together, and it seemed like nobody else understood them. They'd had allies in each other, in a world of their own, and Dean was glad that they at least had each other. "What was Jimmy's favorite kind of cake?" Dean asked quietly, wanting to get whatever cake Jimmy would have liked as a way to honor him.

Castiel looked up at Dean, carefully taking off his sunglasses so he could see Dean's eyes. "Chocolate," he answered with a small sniff. "Same as me." He leant against Dean with a soft sigh, resting his forehead back against Dean's shoulder. "Doesn't matter. He's gone now. No point dwelling on the past." He closed his eyes, trying to get them to stop leaking.

Dean gazed into Castiel's eyes and just watched the emotions playing over his face. "It does matter," he insisted gently, "He was your brother and you loved him. You still do, and you never want to forget that. You need to remember all the good things, Cas. That's how you keep him alive in your memory." Dean kissed Castiel's cheek and hugged him again, rubbing his back soothingly as Cas leaned his head back into Dean's shoulder.

"Is that what you do with your mom?" He hadn't meant for it to sound so harsh but Castiel wanted to know how Dean got through it every time it was his mom's birthday or his parent's anniversary. He bit his lip, eyes watering again. "Sorry, babe," he whispered, shaking his head, guilt clouding his mind. "I-I didn't mean- Shit." He ran a hand through his hair and moved away from Dean, screwing his eyes shut in annoyance.

Dean tensed up slightly when Cas mentioned his mom, but he was kind of expecting it. Cas looked frustrated with himself and regretful, and Dean reached out for him when he moved away. They were both sitting on the ground against the tree now with a little space between them, and Dean touched Castiel's arm lightly. "Yeah, I do," he admitted softly, "It's normal, Cas. It hurts sometimes and it's difficult, but I think it's important. I want to remember the good things, and I never want to forget my mom. Sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night and try to imagine her face, and I can't do it. It scares me when that happens, Cas. Although I guess it's kind of different for you because Jimmy looked just like you." Dean held out his hand and gave Cas a pleading look. "It's okay,"

Castiel listened to Dean and looked hesitantly at the other's hand. He gripped it tight with his own, resting their laced hands between them on the grass. "Promise me...if you every forget about her like that. You'll tell me? I want to be there for something like that. It must be horrible feeling like that way. I want to be able to comfort you too, you know." He squeezed his hand lightly, looking out at the field in front of them.

Dean looked at Cas for a long moment. "I love you," he announced after a while. It was random and unnecessary, but he wanted to say it because it was all he was feeling at the moment. He squeezed Castiel's hand and then moved to sit in front of Cas and straddle his lap carefully. He cupped Castiel's face gently in his hands and just gazed into his eyes. "I will," he promised, "And you talk to me any time. Whenever you want to, just tell me something about Jimmy."

Castiel felt warm and happy, hearing Dean say those three words that he'd heard so many times before. He watched as Dean moved around until he settled in his lap. Castiel's hands went to rest on Dean's hips gently. A small smile on his face. "I love you too, and I will. I promise." He lent forward just enough to kiss Dean briefly. A soft and tender kiss lingered between them for a moment before Castiel pulled back and rested against the tree.

Dean smiled gratefully at Cas and kissed him back just as gently, feeling everything settle between them comfortably. He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to the center of Castiel's forehead before backing away and settling down on the ground beside him again, only this time he laid down with his head in Castiel's lap and looked up at him. "So, chocolate cake it is." Dean mused thoughtfully, "I'd bake it myself but I think we both know I don't have the skills for that. It'll be safer if I just buy it."

Castiel watched as Dean shuffled around again. Watching as green eyes stared back up at him from his lap. He chuckled softly, running a hand into Dean's hair. "I don't know. It might be fun to bake together," Castiel mused with a smirk. "I'd like to lick the frosting off your buns," he quipped with an idiotic giggle. He swiped Dean's sunglasses up from the ground and put them on so Dean couldn't see his face properly after making such a stupid pun. He was embarrassed.

Dean laughed against Castiel's stomach and shoved him playfully. "How would I get frosting there?" He joked back, grinning at Castiel's pun. He laughed when Cas blushed and put the sunglasses on, and Dean poked him in the stomach. "Frosted buns, that sounds interesting." Cas looked downright adorable, blushing pink and hiding behind Dean's sunglasses, and Dean just grinned up at him and then pushed the sunglasses up to Castiel's hairline so he could see his eyes.

Castiel continued to giggle until Dean pushed the glasses up his head. His breath hitched and his eyes widened as he just stared at Dean. His eyes were beaming bright, green and proud as they stared lovingly up at him. A collection of freckles spread wide across his nose and cheeks seemed more defiant with the sun beaming down on his skin. Castiel ran a hand through his hair, tracing a finger over Dean's scarred scalp as he pulled the other into a kiss. "You're beautiful," he breathed as they pulled away, Castiel still cradling his head.

Dean's smile softened and his lips parted slightly as their eyes met and something sparked between them, and Dean leaned up to meet Cas halfway as they kissed, and his scalp tingled pleasantly where Castiel's fingers traced over the scar. His face felt flushed and his heart was beating just a little faster, and Dean just looked up at Cas with wonder. "All this time and I still get that same effect, like we've just met or it's our first kiss. Amazing." he murmured, tracing Castiel's lips carefully with his thumb.

Castiel blushed at that. He knew exactly what Dean meant but he'd never said it allowed. Thinking himself the only one that thought so. He kissed Dean again, just to feel the rush of energy flutter through him. His hand still massaging Dean's scalp and tracing the scar that almost tore them apart.

Dean hummed contentedly and leaned up to Castiel again as they kissed, wanting to stay close. All of his senses were aware of Cas and Dean just couldn't get enough. "Your eyes always look really blue in the morning when it's sunny," Dean noticed, "and they look more greyish and darker on cloudy days. Just like the sky." Dean gazed into his eyes and wondered what was going his head.

Castiel blushed harder. Cheeks turning bright red. He felt all tingly when Dean complimented him like this. He could help the small smile the arose on his lips. He carefully pulled Dean up into sitting position so he could kiss him properly and hold him in his big, strong arms. "What about at sunset?" Castiel asked with a cocky smirk, knowing they didn't turn red.

Dean leaned against Cas and kissed him again before answering. "Hmm," he said, looking at Cas thoughtfully. "Deep purple, almost black." He remembered the time they'd watched sunset from the attic in Paris, the night that Cas had proposed to Dean, and he could see Castiel's eyes turning dark in the colorful, rich sunset. Dean kissed him again, more firmly this time, and wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist. "What about mine?" He asked back with a little grin.

Castiel grinned back shaking his head and laughing a little. He kissed Dean back and played with his hair happily. He pulled back for a moment to look at Dean's eyes properly and hummed in thought. "Your eyes look really green in the moonlight. When we're lying in bed and we look at each other. Those big emerald eyes gazing back at me. It takes my breath away," he murmured, leaning close again to kiss Dean.

Dean smiled shyly at Cas and blinked up at him slowly, feeling his heart flutter in his chest. They hadn't had such an intimate, romantic conversation in a very long time, and although it was a bit cheesy Dean loved the way it made him feel warm and complete and loved. "And how about on a rainy day?" He wondered, tracing Castiel's face gently with his fingertips, the face he'd locked into his memory. He knew every plane and curve and dip of Castiel, every movement and sharp angle and smooth swell of muscle.

Castiel smiled a little, pressing against Dean's fingertips. "They're like the colour of a muddy field. The green swirled with specks of brown. Dim but still breathtakingly beautiful but not in an intimate way like at night. More like a domestic atmosphere. I can look at those eyes and feel safe, you know?" He realized none of that probably made any sense but he didn't care. He was just being honest.

Dean tilted his head curiously at Castiel's unexpected description, he'd never thought of that before but it was interesting to hear Castiel's thoughts. He smiled softly and put both of his hands in Castiel's hair and played with it, combing it all forward first and then messing it up, making it stick out in crazy directions like he'd just woken up, and he smiled affectionately. "I like how you look when you wake up," he murmured, "In the morning, your eyes all sleepy and your hair a mess, and your cheeks are always flushed light pink. You look really pretty, Cas."

"Only pretty?" Castiel pouted, batting his eyelashes at Dean. "Well you sir, are a sex God in the morning," he purred, skimming his hands over Dean's shirt. "With that morning after look. Even if all we've done is sleep. You look like the most powerful man in the world. So confident and graceful. With those beautiful eyes and tanned skin." He kissed Dean just to make a point and grinned. "Perfect."

Dean grinned shyly and hid his face in Castiel's shoulder, leaning on him and wrapping his arms around him. "Really, because I usually feel like a mess when I wake up." He hugged Cas tightly for a moment then backed away a little to press a kiss under Castiel's chin, getting him to tilt his head up. "And you're more than pretty, Cas. You're fucking gorgeous, all the time. I like showing you off, baby."

Castiel chuckled, letting Dean kiss him. "I like when you show me off," Castiel hummed, letting his eyes close for a moment. He rested his hands on Dean's back, fingers tracing his shoulder blades absently. "But not intimately," he reminded quietly. "That's just for you, babe. No one else gets to see me like that. Just you." He kissed Dean again as if to prove his point and hummed quietly, resting his forehead against Dean's shoulder.

"I know," Dean whispered, "I don't want anyone else to see you like that, only I get to." Dean kissed Castiel back and slid his hands down his side. "Just like I'm the only one who can do this," he kissed the underside of Castiel's jaw, "and this..." he grazed his lips down Castiel's throat and pressed soft little kisses there, and then he trailed his hands up Castiel's chest. "And nobody else gets to do this," he growled quietly, possessively. He kissed Castiel's lips slowly, tasting him and exploring his mouth.

Castiel smiled and chuckled lightly, letting his hands roam over Dean's body. Suddenly a wet nose was pressed against his cheek and it wasn't Dean's. He blinked, turning his head just enough to see a dog sitting casually beside them with a tennis ball in it's mouth, covered in drool. "Um," Castiel said, blushing a little. The dogs owner soon came along, calling for her dog. "Pluto! Get away from those faggots," the woman scolded, hooking her dog back onto its leash and dragging him away from Dean and Castiel. "Bad dog," was all Castiel could hear as she walked away in disgust.

Dean looked at the dog, which seemed like it wanted to play, and he smiled at him and was about to reach for the tennis ball and toss it for the dog, but his owner ran over and called him away. He smiled at her politely, blushing a little and moving back from kissing Cas so it didn't look so sexual, but he tensed when she called them 'faggots'. He looked at Cas in disbelief and then stared after the woman. He stood up and called after her. "Hey," he yelled, "You have a problem with me and my boyfriend, you can say it to my face."

Castiel stood up after Dean and held him back gently, holding an arm out over his stomach. "Leave it, babe," he whispered quietly, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. He'd dealt with this stuff all his life. He'd leant how to deal with it. The woman stopped and turned back promptly, walking up to Dean and spat in his face. "Filthy faggots. God will burn you alive for your sins," she muttered, turning back to continue walking her dog like nothing happened. Castiel held his grip tighter on Dean, knowing if Castiel did nothing, he'd already be running after the woman by now. Castiel simply used his sleeve to wipe Dean's face carefully, keeping a firm grip on him.

Dean trembled with anger, all of his muscles tense and ready to fight. He ground his teeth and stared angrily after the woman, absolutely fuming with fury and hatred. "See you in hell, then, bitch." He called to the woman when she was still within earshot. The only thing stopping him from running after her and giving her what she deserved was Castiel's grip on him, blocking him from moving. He barely even registered the spit in his face but let Cas wipe it off with his sleeve, and then he pulled away and started pacing angrily, scrubbing his own sleeve over his face and cursing under his breath. He walked back over to Cas. "She shouldn't have gotten away with that," he muttered angrily, "Fucking bitch. She has no right to say that about us."

Castiel shrugged. "It's over with now, Dean. We'll never see her again. There's no point making a fuss over it," he murmured, bringing Dean back close to check his face over before pressing a light kiss to his cheek. "Besides. It'll happen a lot. Might as well get used to it now. Know I have." He shrugged noncommittally, leaning against Dean a little as he wrapped his arms around him. "Let's just go home. Have some time alone."

Dean sighed and nodded, feeling the anger drain out of him slightly. "It's not fair," he muttered, "People like her are allowed to love whoever they want without having to deal with the consequences. I'm proud to love you, Cas. We should be allowed to hold hands in public places and kiss each other just like any other couple." He wrapped his arm around Cas and pulled him close against his side. "Sorry I reacted like that, I just get so angry when people think they have the right to treat us like shit. I hate it, Cas. I hate seeing you treated like that."

"I understand, Dean," he nodded, voice quite. "But this was nothing. What if we'd been in a bar? With biker guys or something? We could really get hurt if your reaction is dive in with anger. It makes things worse and I don't want to loose you over some stupid fight." He kissed Dean sweetly, stroking his back soothingly. "I know you love me. And I'm proud to love you too and be in public with you but when stuff like this happens you've just got to learn to deal with it. It's more trouble than its worth."

Dean sighed again and rested his forehead against Castiel's temple, closing his eyes. "You're right," he murmured, "But that doesn't mean I have to like it. It's not fair, Cas." Dean hugged him and kissed his cheek. "Wanna head back? Or just go do something?" Dean didn't really want to stay in the park anymore, even though the woman was gone. He felt the need to get up and move around or something, and he was starting to get hungry as well.

Castiel nodded silently, slipping his hand into Dean's. "Okay, love." He walked with Dean back to his house and decided to make them lunch. He saw the pancakes still sitting on the side and smiled sadly. "Funny to think that we fought this morning," he said aloud. He shrugged, going to the refrigerator and fishing out fillings for a sandwich before looking for the bread.

Dean walked back to the house with Cas and leaned against the counter while Cas took things out of the cupboard to make sandwiches. Dean took the abandoned, cold plate of pancakes and dumped them in the garbage. "Yeah, sorry about that," he muttered sheepishly, feeling idiotic for starting the fight in the first place.

Castiel shrugged. "It's in the past." He went to the cupboard and got out two plates. He quickly made himself and Dean a sandwich each, handing the other his plate, he ate his own sandwich, leaning against the counter casually. "What do you feel like doing today?" he asked, knowing he'd have to see Maurice later. He just wanted a nice afternoon with Dean.

Dean shrugged and ate his sandwich. "I don't know, I'm okay with anything, I guess," he said lightly, giving Cas a small smile. "What time are you and Maurice meeting for dinner?" Dean wasn't sure if he was invited, and he didn't particularly want to go, but he still wanted to apologize for acting so rude to him.

Castiel shrugged a little. "Around 8 I think. Don't worry, I'm going to tell him to back off a bit. I understand if you don't want to come." Maurice was his friend. He could understand why Dean felt uneasy with him. Their history was clouded from Dean's vision. Despite nothing happening, he could understand why not knowing freaked Dean out.

"No, I feel like I should. I feel awful about what happened, I don't want him to hate me. And if he's your friend, he should be mine too. " Dean didn't want to cause Cas and Maurice to drift apart, but Maurice had to know that Cas was Dean's boyfriend and not his. Dean had to keep reminding himself that Cas was honest and Dean trusted him.

Castiel let a small smile reach his lips. He nodded once, taking a bite of his sandwich. "I'd like that Dean," he said honestly. He liked the thought of his fiancé and friend getting along. He didn't want to feel guilty every time he had to write a letter to Maurice. He wanted Dean be comfortable with their friendship. Having him there at dinner might help that.

Dean felt guilty for letting this happen. He was being overly controlling and the worst part was that Cas had actually been willing to stop seeing Maurice because Dean didn't like him. It shouldn't be that way, and it made Dean feel like a wife-beater, in a way. Not that Cas was his wife, but it was kind of the same feeling. Dean knew that Cas just wanted him to be happy, but he shouldn't have to sacrifice a friendship to do that. He looked up at Cas apologetically, but he didn't know what to say to explain what he was thinking.

Castiel took their now empty plates and washed them quickly before setting off into the other room. "I'm going for a run," he said simply, looking around for his running shoes. He took them to the couch and sat down, toeing out of his trainers and put on a more comfortable pair he'd bought specifically for running. He needed to keep up his work out routine. He couldn't take a day off just because he was in an odd mood with Dean. Hopefully tonight would help straighten things out.

Dean nodded and followed Cas into the living room and leaned against the doorway as he watched Cas put on his running shoes. "Okay, I think I'm going to head home." He walked with Cas to the door and placed his hand lightly on the back of Castiel's neck and gave it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "See you later," he said with a small smile.

Castiel hummed in acknowledgement, leaning back into Dean's touch. "Okay, babe." He stood up with a small jump, turning on the spot to look at Dean. "Come by around 7:30, we'll head out to the diner together." He kissed Dean's cheek as he grabbed his keys from the table beside him. "Say hello to Sammy for me," he added just as he started to lightly jog his way out of the house, making his way down the street and back down towards the park.

Dean nodded. "Will do. Have a good run," he watched Castiel jog away down the street and then retreated back into the house to find his shoes. He went back outside to his car and drove home. It was early afternoon on a Saturday morning, and Dean knew what he wanted to do. He left the car running in the driveway and headed inside the house. He didn't even bother walking inside, he just yelled in the house, "Sammy, let's go shopping. Bring my wallet." Sam thumped down the stairs a minute later holding Dean's beaten leather wallet and a confused expression. "Why?" he asked curiously, handing Dean the wallet and stepping into his shoes. "Bath towels and stuff. For the cabin. Come on."

Castiel spent a solid hour and a half running. He didn't care where. He just needed to run off the pent up energy the morning had brought him. By the time he got home, he was exhausted. He went into the kitchen and chugged a fair amount of orange juice from the cartoon before putting it back in the refrigerator and padded upstairs to jump in the shower. Castiel found himself spending a long time in the shower. His body hunched over as the water sprayed against his back. He decided to indulge a little. He'd felt frustrated since he and Dean got caught fooling around. They hadn't done anything since and it didn't seem like anything would for a while. Everything was too tense right now. Especially with Maurice around. The run had cooled him off but not enough to relieve his frustrations. He began stroking himself. A relived sigh escaping him as he jerked off slowly. He imagined strong arms wrapped around his body, caressing him lovingly. Soft, hot lips kissing down his neck and whispering sweet but dirty nothings against the skin. It wasn't until he reached his climax did he realize who he was fantasising about when the man's name came out as a moan against his lips. Maurice.

Sam came outside to the car with Dean and they drove away. Sam looked kind of tired and was acting quiet, which concerned Dean. "Rough night?" he asked, glancing over at his little brother. Sam shrugged and his expression didn't change. "Just tired," he said, and Dean hummed in reply, not thinking anything of it. They rode in silence until they reached the shopping center, and then they headed inside the store to look around for things to decorate the cabin with. Sam absently shuffled through the store and Dean took paint chips out of his pocket to match colors so he'd know what to pick out. He wanted the cabin to look especially nice when he showed it to Cas for the first time.

Castiel stepped out the shower after cleaning himself up. He wrapped a towel around his waist and sat on the edge of his bed, head in his hands. "Oh God, Ambs. What am I going to do?" he asked worryingly to Amber who was curled up beside him at the foot of the bed. "I don't even like him like that!" he defended to the room. "I-I-I'm with Dean. I would never...oh God," he cried out in frustration, ashamed of what he'd done.

Dean picked up some bath towels, hand towels, soap, shampoo, dark blue bedsheets and pillowcases to match Castiel's eyes, (because Dean loved looking into Castiel's eyes when they were in bed), a set of dishes, silverware and glasses, a toaster, a few cooking utensils, a frying pan, and a shower curtain, along with a few other things that he wanted to put in the cabin. He wanted to finish it as soon as possible so he could have it ready for whenever he was going to show Cas. Sam wasn't helping much and Dean was a little annoyed at his sulky, dull behavior, but he didn't ask. "Okay, Sammy. I'm done here, you wanna buy anything or are you ready to go?" Sam shrugged and shifted his armful of towels to the other arm. "Nah, I'm good." Dean shrugged and they went to the checkout to buy the items, and then they carried it out to the car.

Castiel took a deep breath and nodded to himself. "Okay. Just..take it easy. It's not cheating. It doesn't mean anything. Y-You're just stressed," he told himself. Amber gave him a curious look. She didn't like seeing her owner distressed. "Just talk to Maurice and tell him to back off. Everything will be fine." As if on cue, there was a knock on the door. Castiel hadn't realized the time until he checked his watch. Dean was early. He wasn't even dressed yet. He padded downstairs and opened the front door in just his towel, thinking it was Dean. The noise he made startled the other when he saw not Dean but Maurice standing there.

Dean dropped Sam off at home and spent the rest of the afternoon adding the finishing touches to the cabin. He was originally planning on having Cas go shopping with him once he showed him so they could pick things out together, but he was too excited and Cas could always add things later. He wanted this place to be theirs. The last thing he added into the little house was a framed picture of them, one of the first ones they'd taken. Cas sitting on the motorcycle with Dean leaning over his shoulder to take the picture of them, their eyes bright and happy and innocent, tentatively starting what would become a very intimate and serious relationship.

"Maurice," Castiel gaped, before stuttering and crossing his arms over his bare chest. "W-What are you doing here?" Maurice took a moment to look Castiel up and down before answering. "I wanted to, uh, see you before we...dine," he said, a smooth smile forming across his lips. Castiel nodded before correcting himself and shaking his head. "Okay. I've got something to tell you anyways. You better come inside." He stood to the side to let Maurice in and shut the door behind him before following him into the living-room. "Look," he said, getting straight to the point. "I like you, Maurice. You saved my life. You're kind and so, so sweet but...I'm with Dean." He looked up at Maurice who was watching him closely. "I..I can't think about you that way. I've got Dean. We're getting too close. I think we shouldn't speak with each other for a while." He lowered his gaze, finding it hard to send away one of his closest friends.

"You...think about me? Like, you..ah..like like me?" Maurice asked, taking a step towards Castiel. Castiel took a step back and ended up bumping into the table. "I-I...," he stuttered, feeling too close to comfort as Maurice pressed his hand against Castiel's arm, moving it away from his chest so Maurice could get closer still. Castiel froze, flashbacks of Lucifer coming back. Being pressed against the table, being forced to do things by someone he once cared for.

"Because I like you too. Always have," Maurice murmured, pressing his lips to the shell of Castiel's ear. "Seeing you with him makes me realize what I should have done from the day we met." He pressed his lips desperately against Castiel's neck. Castiel froze, too scared to move. In case he got beat. "I knew you were lying when we kissed. Knew you liked me back," Maurice continued, trailing his hands all over Castiel like he owned him. He managed to pin Castiel against the table, continuing to kiss and touch Castiel, too horny and unaware that Castiel was not responding positively. Maurice wanted it too much. Too blinded by lust to realize his mistake.

Dean looked around the cabin and smiled to himself in satisfaction. Checking his phone, he realized it was almost time to go pick up Cas for dinner, so he went back out to his car and drove to Castiel's house. When he got there, it was about 7:30 and he let himself in, feeling optimistic about the dinner and eager to see Cas again. He heard a noise from the living room and walked in, assuming Cas was in there, but what he saw made his jaw drop and his eyes widen. Maurice was already here, and he had Cas pushed up against the table and they were making out heatedly, Maurice's mouth on Castiel's neck and their hands groping frantically. Dean couldn't breathe, couldn't move. He was shaking. He stumbled backwards into a bookshelf, sending a vase crashing loudly to the floor, and then he quickly turned and hurried out of the house and got back in his car. He couldn't get the images out of his head, and he couldn't see clearly. He knew he was driving too fast, but he didn't care.

Castiel only snapped out of his terrified state when he heard a vase crash against the floor. He flinched, looking up just in time to see Dean running out the house. Dean. Oh God. He managed to just about push Maurice away with shaky fingers and cling to the towel around him, backing away from Maurice. "Stay away from me," he said, voice barely a whisper, trying to stay strong. He ran up the stairs to put on clothes. He'd just put his shoes on and was making for the door with the keys to his motorcycle when Maurice stopped him. "You don't need him anymore. We can be together now," Maurice insisted, clearly not understanding just how much Castiel loved Dean. "No," he said, shaking his head. "I need him more than anything." He pushed past Maurice and got on his bike, Maurice trying to follow him. "Just...stay away from me," Castiel said in frustration, driving quickly out of the driveway and towards Dean's house.

Dean didn't know what to do. He stopped at home and raided the refrigerator for his dad's beer and then ran back outside without being noticed, and he got right back in the car and drove fast in the direction of the cabin, but when he turned on the road that the cabin was on he kept going, driving fast on the bumpy gravel road which would definitely leave pockmarks on the entire underside of his car, but he just didn't care. He needed to get away and he needed to get drunk. He drove farther out into the woods, farther than he'd ever gone, and then parked his car on the side of the road when it ended, fading from view underneath scraggly brown grass, the ground muddy and soggy from melting snow, and ran out and climbed up a hill, slipping and falling on his knees. He was carrying the six pack of beer and nearly dropped it, and by the time he reached the top of the hill his jeans were wet and damp with muddy water and grass stains. He kept going, running as hard as he could until he was so far away and deep in the trees that he didn't know if he'd find his way back, but he didn't care. He wanted to be lost, and he wanted to disappear into nothing. Anything would be better than the pain he was feeling right now. When he could run no further, tripping over fallen branches and tree roots in the dense woods, he collapsed on a log and dropped his head in his hands as his tears finally flowed out.

Castiel rode out to Dean's only to find his car not there. He went up to the house anyway and asked Sam where he was. Sam didn't know. Castiel went back to his motorcycle and sat on it for a while, thinking of where Dean might go. Then it hit him. The cabin. He sped of, not caring how fast he was going. He had to talk to Dean. When he got there he didn't find his car there either. He was beginning to worry. He got off his motorcycle and ran into the cabin just to make sure Dean wasn't there. It was only when he got there he stopped dead, looking around and seeing the transformation of the cabin. He bit his lip, looking around. Maybe someone had bought it? He was about to leaving, thinking he was trespassing when he saw a photo of him and Dean on the table. He took a tentative step towards it, picking up the frame and seeing him and Dean, smiling at the camera on his motorcycle. "Oh God," he breathed, looking around. Dean had done all this? Why hadn't he told him? It was beautiful and perfect and...he'd ruined everything. Dean had seen him with Maurice. He must have thought... oh God. He got out his phone and quickly text Dean.

At the cabin. Where are you? Xx

Dean opened a can of beer and downed half the thing in one gulp, and he took a breath and swallowed the rest of the can quickly before moving on to the second can. Six beers wouldn't be enough to get him as drunk as he needed to be, and he wished he'd gotten something stronger. By the time he finished his second can, he was already starting to feel the effects a little bit, but mostly he felt like throwing up. He forced himself not to, making himself keep the alcohol down because he was desperate to get drunk. His phone vibrated a little while later, and he took it out of his pocket with shaky hands and saw that there was a new message from Cas. Without reading the message, he stood up and hurled the phone as hard as he could, sending it far into the woods. He couldn't hear it landing, and he laughed bitterly. "Disappeared," he said under his breath, grinning manically and sitting back down clumsily. "Disappeared."

Castiel waited for another twenty minutes, pacing the floor nervously. Maurice kept trying to call him and each time he'd be disappointed, not seeing Dean's name flash up on screen. "Baby where are you?" he whispered worryingly, finally sinking down onto the couch. He was too scared. Thinking about how Dean would react when he finally saw him. Last time something big like this happened Dean had been hit by a car when he'd driven off, too emotional. He couldn't bare to see that happen again. He couldn't breathe just thinking about it. So worried Dean was hurt. He found himself crying over the thought of Dean leaving him. Too strung up on the thought he'd actually been making out with Maurice. He curled up on the couch, just wishing Dean would call.

Sam wasn't feeling well, and all he wanted to do was sleep. But after Cas had come to the house asking about Dean, wide eyed and panicked, Sam couldn't go back to sleep. Something was wrong and it involved his brother and neither he nor Cas knew where Dean was. Sam dragged himself out of bed and found his cell phone, and he called Cas. "Hey, what's going on?" He demanded, walking downstairs and pouring himself a glass of water to help his worsening headache and sore throat. It was starting to get dark outside and it was getting a bit colder, and Sam was getting more and more worried about Dean.

Castiel got excited when his phone went off, thinking it was Dean. Only to be disappointed when Sam's name flashed on the screen. He picked it up, listening to Sam sound as worried as he was. "Hey. Nothing. Don't worry about it, Sammy. I found him," he lied easily, not wanting his brother to worry about this. He'd give it another day. Then call Sam for help. Dean hadn't been kidnapped or wasn't in danger. He just needed his space after seeing what he saw. There was no need to get Sam involved. "I'll call you tomorrow. Night Sam." He hung up and sighed defeatedly. "Dean, where are you?"


	49. Chapter 49

Sam could detect the tension in Castiel's voice, and he knew something was definitely wrong. "Okay, can I speak to-" but the call ended and Sam sighed in frustration, slamming the phone down on the table. He stood there thinking for a moment, and then picked up the phone again to call Dean. It went to voicemail after ringing for about a minute, and Sam put the phone down and groaned in annoyance. He didn't know if Dean really was with Cas or if he'd just gone somewhere without his phone, or maybe he'd done something stupid and Cas didn't want him to worry. He tried calling Dean several more times and left increasingly angry and frantic voicemails, but Dean still didn't answer, and Sam didn't have a car to go out and look for him.

Dean was halfway through his third can of beer, and he wished he'd kept his phone because it was too dark to see properly and he needed the light of it. It was getting colder, but Dean was getting more numb and the alcohol warmed him from inside and he felt a little better. He leaned back against the tree and pulled his hood up, tilting his head back to watch the dark sky and listen to the calming sounds of the forest. He could forget everything for tonight and just be here. He could be somebody else out here, or he could just not exist. He didn't have to think.

Castiel wasn't sure when he'd fallen asleep but he awoke during the night to his phone pressed against the side of his nose. He winced, carefully peeling the device off his face. Small buttons imprinted against his skin. He looked around but there was still no sign of Dean. He hadn't come here. He wasn't at home. Castiel was really beginning to worry that something had happened to Dean but Sam hadn't called. Hadn't said Dean was in hospital. So that was reassuring at least. He fell asleep again, deciding there wasn't anything he could do until morning when it was light enough to search for him.

Sam gave up eventually once his headache and sore throat got the best of him, and he collapsed into bed with an exhausted groan and kept his phone beside him. When he woke up in the early morning, nothing had changed and he tried calling Dean again, but there was no answer. He called Cas. "Cas, can I talk to Dean, he's not answering his phone."

Dean passed out eventually and woke up in the same position he'd fallen asleep in. It was very early morning and the sky was just starting to lighten, and Dean was still drunk. He was in a lot of pain, and realized he'd ripped a pretty nasty gash in his leg at some point last night when he was clawing his way through the thick trees, but he'd been to shocked by what he'd seen that he didn't even feel it. It wasn't bleeding anymore, but his jeans were a mess; stiff and sticky with drying mud and blood, and he pressed his hands to the wound and hissed in pain. It was a relief to feel the burn, though, and Dean pushed himself to his feet and looked around, having no idea what direction his car was in.

Castiel awoke to his phone ringing again and grimaced when he saw Sam's name. "I just want Dean," he whimpered before pressing the button to answer the call. He heard how strained Sam sounded and sighed heavily. "It's four in the morning," he complained, hoping to get around Sam so he'd at least a few more hours before having to address Sam on the matter. "He's asleep. Can't you call back later?" He hung up the phone. He hated doing this to Sam but he needed to find and speak to Dean first.

Sam looked at the phone in disbelief and tossed it on the bed beside him before getting up to take a shower. He'd take a shower, eat something, and then call back, and if Cas still wouldn't put Dean on the phone Sam was going to walk to his house if it killed him. An hour later, he tried calling Cas again, hoping to speak to Dean this time because Sam could just sense something wasn't right.

Castiel was tempted to turn his phone off but he left it on in case Dean tried to contact him. That is until he realised he'd told Dean he was at the cabin. He knew where he was so he'd stay here. He turned off his phone and wrapped a blanket around him as he curled up into a tighter ball on the couch, just wishing Dean would forgive him. Even though he'd done nothing wrong.

"Dammit!" Sam yelled when Cas didn't answer his phone, and he tossed it on the floor and tugged at his damp hair in frustration and worry. He had no idea where the hell they were and no way of getting to them, so he sighed and put on some sturdy shoes and started the walk to Castiel's house, which was a good thirty minutes away by foot. When he got there and knocked on the door, there was no answer, so he tried the door nob and found that it was unlocked. Walking into the house cautiously, he called for Dean and Cas and when there was no answer he walked up the steps and peered in all of the rooms, but the house was completely empty. Sam's heart was pounding painfully hard against his chest. Cas was hiding something from him and he'd lied. Dean wasn't here, so where was he? Sighing in defeat as panicked tears sprang to his eyes, Sam pulled his phone out of his pocket and called the person most people would call first in a situation like this. Their father.

Castiel awoke a few hours later. It was light out now and he figured he should keep looking for Dean. He got up and headed outside. Only to find. He had no idea where to go. He bit his lip and just sort of paced around the lake a bit, not knowing where to go. He'd really thought Dean would show up. He ran a hand through his hair, looking at his reflection in the water. The same water he'd once considered drowning himself in. Without Dean. That temptation seemed to slowly be rising again.

"Dad?" Sam croaked out, his throat feeling tight with panic and fear. John had gone in to work early to get some extra hours in and tune up his own car before customers brought their cars in to the garage. "Sammy, what's going on?" John asked, his voice sounding thin and crackly through the phone, but Sam let himself take comfort in the fact that this man was their father and he could make everything right again. Sam knew that wasn't true, but he needed help and he couldn't deal with this on his own. "I can't find Dean," he whispered, "Something's going on... I'm at Castiel's house right now and they're not there and they're not answering their phones, and Cas is acting really weird and I don't know what to do..." John hushed him, and Sam listened. "Sam, you stay right there, okay? I'll be over in a few minutes. What's the address?" Sam told him Castiel's house number and John said, "Hang in there, kid. I'm sure he's fine."

Castiel just sat by the lake outside the cabin, looking all too sorry for himself. He just wanted Dean back and he had no idea how to do that. All he could do was pray. He clapped his hands together and rested his forehead against them. "God, I'm sorry I haven't been to church since France but...I really need your help." His voice sounded strained and pleading. He squeezed his eyes shut. "Please, watch over my Dean. Keep him safe and give me the strength to carry on." He took a deep breath before looking around a bit, deciding to call it a day. He went back to his motorcycle, ready to turn back when he noticed something on the ground. Tire tracks. He followed the ground with his eyes, until the tracked died off into the forest. He swallowed thickly promptly without a second thought, knowing Dean would be there. He just had to be.

Sam took a shaky breath and nodded as his dad hung up the phone, and he went outside to wait for him. A moment later, John pulled up at the house, looking concerned, and Sam went over to him and let John hug him, because Sam just needed support and he didn't know what to do. He felt lost and Dean could be anywhere, and the tone of Castiel's voice had him very worried. "What happened, Sam?" he asked, and Sam tried his best to explain everything he knew, which wasn't much. There was one thing he was hesitant to tell his dad about. The cabin. But if it was Dean's safety on the line, Sam was going to have to reveal the secret house. "There's this place they go to hang out sometimes," Sam said, "It's this little cabin in the woods and nobody lives there but it had all this stuff in it and they cleaned it up a little, he might be there," Sam said, changing the story just a little bit.

Castiel followed the tracks until he came to Dean's car but no Dean. Shit. "Dean!" he called out, turning off the engine to his motorcycle so Dean might be able to hear him better. "Baby come home, please." His voice began to tremble with the fear that Dean was gone for good. He didn't want to stray too far from the car, just incase Dean came back. "You've got it all wrong. Please. Just let me explain."

Sam gave John the directions to the cabin and they started heading there, but John wanted Sam to check all of their friends' houses first and call everyone to make sure he wasn't hiding out in somebody's house. Everybody was just as confused as Sam was, and John wanted to call the police.

Dean started picking his way through the dense woods in a random direction, the pain in his leg making it difficult to walk normally and he kept tripping over branches and slipping on the wet leaves on the ground. He stilled when he heard something that sounded like an engine and he wondered if he was close to the road. Holding his breath, he listened for it again and looked around, but he couldn't see anything past the trees. He waited, and when he was about to keep going he heard something else, and it sounded like Cas calling his name. Dean sighed and leaned against a tree, not doing anything to answer it. He didn't want to deal with this when he was still a little drunk and a lot hungover.

Castiel bit his lip worryingly, he began to wave through the trees a bit, keeping note of the direction he came in so he wouldn't loose Dean's car and his motorcycle. "Dean, please," he begged to the trees as he began to walk amongst them. "I just want to talk." He walked around for what felt like forever before noticing a blurry figure amongst the trees. "Dean," he breathed, running towards it, only to stop short when he saw Dean lying limp on the ground. His jeans were torn and bloody and Castiel's heart skipped a beat. Without thinking, he fell to his knees and gathered Dean up in his arms, holding him tighter as tears began to fall. "Dean I've been so worried. I'm so glad I found you."

Dean just collapsed in defeat on the ground as everything hit him, and he realized he could just lay there forever, if he wanted to. And he kind of did. He closed his eyes and relaxed, breathing deep and just wishing the world would go away, and he drifted. He didn't know whether he passed out or fell asleep or what, but the next thing he knew he was being moved and Cas was holding him, and Dean felt safe. That is until he came back to his senses and remembered what had happened, and he weakly pulled away from Cas and gave him a hurt look. "Why were you kissing him?" he whispered.

Castiel looked at Dean worryingly. "That's what you think happened?" he whispered, looking just as hurt. "Dean..he kissed my neck. H-Held me down. I-I-I didn't..I would never.." He bit his lip and told himself to take a deep breath. "I wanted to say no but...I kept thinking of Lucifer. How he'd pushed me against the table and...I panicked I thought he was going to do the same. I wanted to say no but...I was so scared he'd hurt me further." He looked at Dean with watery eyes. "I'm so sorry, Dean. I should have been stronger."

Dean looked at Cas and he wanted so badly to believe him and just blame Maurice for this, but what he'd seen was burned into his memory and he couldn't get it out of his head. "That's not what it looked like," he choked out bitterly, eyes filling with tears. He turned away and looked down at the ground angrily, avoiding eye contact with Cas. He couldn't bear to see him right now or be touched by him, when Maurice had been all over him the night before. "I need to go home," he said tightly, struggling to his feet without Castiel's help.

"Dean," he said quietly, almost lost. He stood with Dean, holding his arm carefully to support him. "Dean. Please. Look at me," he begged softly, turning Dean's head in his hand so he'd look him in the eyes. He wasn't forceful about it. He just wanted Dean to see him eye to eye. "Ever since Lucifer...I've been struggling to be intimate. To let people in again. You really think I'd jump Maurice the first chance I'd get? I love _you_, Dean. Always have. If there's anyone I want to hold and kiss, it's you. Not him." He took a deep breath, looking down at the ground. "I'd told him to leave but he wouldn't listen. I said I was with you but he didn't believe me. H-He kept kissing me a-and wouldn't stop. I was scared and I'm so glad you came. I needed you to help me."

The raw pain and pleading in Castiel's voice is what made Dean meet his gaze, although Castiel's hands were on his face, gently tilting his head up so they were face to face. Dean let out a shaky exhale and just sagged against Castiel's shoulder, burying his face in his shirt and wrapping his arms around him. He knew Cas was telling the truth, he could see it in his eyes and everything about him was honest and pleading for Dean to believe him. He backed away enough to meet Castiel's eyes again, and he asked, "Have you ever... thought about it? With him, I mean?" he wondered, almost afraid to know the answer.

Castiel instantly wrapped his arms around Dean, keeping him close. He'd need to tend to Dean's leg soon and get him showered. He could smell the stench of beer on him and it made Castiel frown with concern. He couldn't quite look at Dean when he asked his next question. "Once," he answered honestly. He was never anything but honest with Dean. He didn't feel the need to hide things from Dean. He was his partner. He should tell him the truth. "But I feel awful for it. I love you, Dean. I'd never cheat. Even if we weren't together I don't think I could bring myself to do that with him. It's not like that. He's just a friend...was a friend."

Dean bit his lip and nodded in understanding at Castiel's answer, but he didn't say anything. What was there to say? Dean felt like the universe was testing them, throwing as many roadblocks as possible in front of them to see how much they could take before they fell apart and broke down. But this was nothing compared to past things that had happened, but it still hurt and would probably take time for both of them to get over it. "So, what are things like between you and him now?" Dean asked, wondering just how bad it had been after he left. He couldn't even bring himself to say Maurice's name.

Castiel sighed, shaking his head. "It's over. I just..I can't see him. Not after that. He just couldn't accept that we were together. I don't want to be friends with someone that doesn't accept the man I fell in love with." He carefully wrapped his arm around Dean's waist and looked at him carefully. "Come back to the cabin with me. We'll get you cleaned up, okay?" he said softly, not wanting to push Dean away any further.

Dean looked at Cas and sighed in relief. "I'm sorry it ended up like this," he apologized, but he was glad that Maurice was out of the picture hopefully, especially since he was so infatuated with Cas that he'd kissed him against Castiel's will. "Did he hurt you at all?" Dean asked, frowning and looking Cas over for any telltale marks, even though Dean was clearly the one who needed medical attention.

Castiel helped Dean to his motorcycle. He was in no condition to drive and they weren't too far from the cabin. They'd come back for it later. "No..I-I'm okay," he assured with what he hoped was a smile. It could have been worse. He wasn't sure what would have happened if Dean hadn't shown up. Truthfully, he didn't want to know. "I'll look at your leg once we get back to the cabin," Castiel said, straddling the seat and helped Dean sit behind him so he could drive them back.

Dean's leg was throbbing and he limped along, leaning on Castiel for support as they made their way through the woods to where Castiel's motorcycle was parked. Dean had been heading in the completely wrong direction when Cas had found him, and he was very glad he wasn't alone out here anymore. He winced when he straddled the bike behind Cas and wrapped his arms around his middle tentatively to hang on.

They made it to the cabin and Castiel helped Dean inside. He hadn't said anything about the cabin yet. He was too busy concentrating on Dean and making sure he was okay. He helped him into the bathroom and sat him on the edge of the bathtub. He looked at Dean's leg and winced. "Okay. I need to take these off," he said, indicating towards Dean's jeans. "It might hurt a little. The blood has kinda stuck to your jeans to your skin." Nevertheless, he carefully unzipped Dean's zipper and tentatively pulled down his jeans and tossed them aside, as well as Dean's shoes and socks.

Dean froze when they pulled up at the cabin. He'd forgotten it was decorated and it hadn't occurred to him that Cas might have already seen it, but there was nothing he could do now. When they got inside to the bathroom, Dean smiled slightly. "Guess the surprise is ruined, then," he muttered, "I was going to wait until your birthday, or maybe graduation." He hissed in pain as his jeans were removed, and now that he could see the cut it looked pretty bad. It wasn't bleeding anymore, which was a relief, because Dean really didn't want to go to the hospital again.

Castiel gave a small smile. He found some stuff in the cabinet that Dean had stocked up and managed to clean and disinfect the wound before putting a bandage over it. He kissed Dean's thigh, letting his lips linger over the skin for a moment before looking up at Dean with a loving look. "It's perfect. I can't believe you did all this just to surprise me," he said softly, eyes beaming with the realization of just how much Dean loved him.

Dean watched as Cas cleaned the cut and put a bandage on it and then, to Dean's surprise, kissed his leg tenderly and then looked up at him. "Not really the way I wanted you to find out about this," he said with a sheepish shrug. "I wanted it to be a present for you on a special occasion. But, oh well. You've seen it, so," he shrugged again and then looked at Cas with a shy smile. "Um, I wanna take a shower," he said, blushing. "I'm covered in mud and I think there's a slug in my pants."

Castiel got off his knees to stand up and bent down just enough to rest his forehead against Dean's. "Thank you, Dean," he said sincerely. "This place is perfect. I couldn't be happier." He smiled brightly before moving away and nodded. "I'll leave you to it, I guess." He hesitantly stepped away to exit the bathroom. "I'll just be in the other room if you need me," he said.

Dean closed his eyes and smiled softly, loving the warmth of Castiel's words and the gentle touch. "Thanks for dragging me out of the woods and nursing me back to health," Dean said, his smile slightly playful. He waited until Cas was out of the bathroom before shutting the door and peeling off his clothing. He hadn't used the newly installed shower yet, and was eager to test it out. He turned on the water and stood under the relaxing spray of hot water, letting it wash away all of the mud and dried blood and other gross stuff on his body and hair, and he used a generous amount of body soap.

After hours of searching around town for Dean, John and Sam were unsuccessful and headed to the cabin for one last check. Dean's car was nowhere in sight, but Castiel's motorcycle was there and Sam bit his lip hopefully as he hopped out of the car and ran up to the door, knocking on it. There was no answer, and Sam opened the door and walked in, close behind, at the exact moment Dean walked out of the steaming bathroom wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. Several things happened at once. John stormed over to Castiel, who was sitting on the couch. "We thought Dean was kidnapped, boy. Why didn't you tell Sam he was here with you?" Sam, meanwhile, ran over to Dean and grabbed his shoulders. "Dude, what the hell?!" he demanded, "I thought you ran away or something stupid like that. What's the matter with you, I was really worried! And you're just hanging out here with Cas, ignoring my phone calls!"

Castiel had gone and waited for Dean on the couch when Sam and John suddenly came in. He straightened, eyes widening when John came towards him. "I-I did. I said he was sleeping," Castiel said quickly. He knew at the time it'd been a lie but Dean was here now. It was like nothing had happened. He looked over at Sam and then back at John, surprised the man even cared enough to come all this way just because Dean hadn't answered his phone for one night. He was eighteen. A legal adult. Going out for one night shouldn't cause this much fuss, surely.

Dean flinched when Sam came at him suddenly, and his towel almost fell off and he pulled away from Sam and held it up with his hands. "What's the big deal?" He demanded, "It's not the first time I've been out all night." Sam sighed and folded his arms over his chest. "The big deal is that I thought you were with Cas, and then Cas came to our house all panicked and looking like he'd just seen a ghost, and he was asking me if I knew where you were and as if that wasn't worrying enough, you weren't answering your phone and you guys weren't at Castiel's house and I just got really scared, Dean." Dean rolled his eyes and nodded awkwardly at his dad, who had stopped interrogating Cas to listen to what Sam was saying. "Right. Okay, I'm going to put some clothes on, so..."

Castiel stood up and walked towards Dean, needing to be near Dean and away from his father. He couldn't stand him breathing down his neck. "Sammy, I said everything was fine. He was sleeping. I'd found him." Again. Not completely the truth but he'd didn't want to tell them Dean had been out drinking on his own in the middle of the woods. He looked over at Dean with a subtle nod and steered Sam towards his father and the couch. "Just sit down and take a breather, alright?" Castiel followed Dean into the other room, closing the door behind them. "Dean, I didn't mean...I'm so sorry. I couldn't find you. I thought you were at home," Castiel explained in a hushed voice.

Sam sat down on the couch and John stood awkwardly beside him, neither of them quite sure what to do. "I don't know if I like them hanging around here," John muttered, looking around the place skeptically. "How do they know nobody's gonna come back and get them arrested or some shit?" Sam suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. "Dad, it's fine. We've already checked it out, and this place isn't even listed in the phone book or anything. Nobody's lived here for years." John sighed and shrugged, checking his watch. "Well, if everything's okay I need to get back to work. You want to come back with me?" Sam shook his head. "I'll stay." John nodded and left, getting back into his car outside and driving away. Sam waited for Cas and Dean, staring impatiently at the closed bedroom door.

Dean shrugged and pulled on a pair of boxers and some sweatpants. He didn't feel like doing anything today and wanted to sleep off the hangover, his body was complaining and begging for rest. "Yeah, it's okay," he muttered, "I didn't even know where I was, how could I expect you to find me? I wasn't thinking straight, I didn't want to be found and I was really stupid." He didn't bother with a shirt, and fell into the newly made bed with the brand new sheets he'd bought only the day before. He'd heard his dad's car start up and drive away and he sighed in relief.

Castiel bit his lip, sitting down hesitantly on the edge of the bed. He could see how tired and hungover Dean looked and carefully ran a gentle hand through Dean's hair. "I'm just glad you're back," he said quietly, not really wanting to dwell too much on what would have happened if he hadn't of found Dean. It could have been days before they'd found him and even then.. His mind went back to Dean, cold and alone in the graveyard and he felt sick. His hand stilled in Dean's hair and it took a moment for him to realize how long he'd been sat there in silence. "Rest," he said, moving his hand from Dean's hair. "You'll feel better."

Dean closed his eyes and relaxed when Castiel's fingers combed through his hair gently, making his scalp tingle pleasantly and a soft, warm feeling spread throughout his entire body. He sighed and turned his head to the side so Cas could reach better, and they just breathed together for a long moment, neither of them moving. "Mm," he hummed in response after a while, already drifting off to sleep in the comfortable, warm bed. The only thing that would make it even better was if Cas joined him, but then there was a soft knock on the door. Sam's voice drifted through the door a moment later. "Hey, guys?" he said hesitantly, "If you're alright I'm gonna go look for Dean's car and drive it home for him, okay?" Sam didn't see a point in staying there any longer, because Dean and Cas seemed to be acting a little strange and Sam wanted to leave them alone to talk, not wanting to interfere with whatever was going on between them. "I'll see you guys later," he called, and then walked out of the house and searched for tire tracks of Dean's car.

Castiel wasn't sure what to do with himself. He was a little grateful when Sam came in and interrupted the odd tension. Not that Dean seemed to be aware of it. Probably too tired to care. Castiel was beginning to think he had the right idea. He just wanted to forget all this and move on. He nodded towards Sam and watched as the door shut before looking back at Dean. He laid down hesitantly next to Dean, looking up at the ceiling and hoping things would get back to normal soon.

Dean hummed in approval when Cas joined him on the bed. He didn't open his eyes, but he could feel the tension and reluctance in the movement, and Cas wasn't touching him. Dean sighed and scooted closer to Cas, laying on his side facing him and draping an arm loosely over Castiel's chest. He was tired and achey and he just wanted to be comforted and know that Cas was still here with him and he wasn't leaving. "Can we forget about everything for now and just sleep?" He mumbled into the pillow, still not opening his eyes.

Castiel nodded, letting one of his arms rest gently around Dean's waist. He closed his eyes and let the darkness consume him. He hadn't slept much the night before. He sighed tightly, letting himself sleep and ignoring the many thoughts that went through his mind about what would come and be said between them both when they woke up.

Dean fell asleep almost instantly and didn't wake up until the next morning when his stomach was protesting in hunger. He barely remembered anything, and how he ended up in the cabin with Cas in bed beside him, but it came back to him slowly and he groaned quietly, getting out of bed and shuffling over to the small kitchen area. He'd put a few boxes of cereal in the cupboards for when he and Sam spent all day working there, and there was some left so he poured himself a bowl and sat on the couch, looking thoughtfully at Castiel's sleeping form through the open bedroom door. They had some talking to do, because Dean wasn't lucid enough yesterday to fully process everything that had happened.

Castiel continued to sleep, curling up on himself when he felt the warmth of Dean's body slip away. He tried to follow it but it seemed to be too far away. It wasn't until a while later he found himself stirring awake. He blinked a few times before seeing Dean staring back at him through the door. He gave a tight smile, pulling the covers up to his nose as he felt the cold creep up on him. He didn't want to move. Didn't want to face Dean or discuss what happened. He just wanted everything to be normal.

"Morning," Dean said to Cas after he finished chewing the last of his cereal. He took his time putting the dishes in the sink and cleaning up after himself, trying to think of how he wanted to go about discussing yesterday's events. When he couldn't stall any longer, he just sighed and walked back over to the bed, grabbing the throw blanket off the bottom of it and wrapping it around his bare shoulders to fight off the chill. They hadn't turned the heat on yet and it was still pretty cold outside in early spring, and the air inside the cabin was chilly. Dean sat on the foot of the bed facing Cas and just looked at him for a moment before saying the one thing that had been nagging at him. "Yesterday, you said that you'd 'thought about' being with Maurice. What does that mean, exactly?" He wondered, nothing accusing in his tone. He just wanted to know.

Castiel watched Dean closely, watching as he moved around the cabin before finally coming to sit on the foot of the bed. He asked probably one of the only questions Castiel didn't really want to answer. But he had to. If they were going to move past this he had to be honest. "I thought about him..while I was jerking off," he said quietly, almost disgust in his voice. "But only once," he stressed. "And I felt awful for it."

Dean bit his lip slightly and looked down at his hands, feeling incredibly awkward. "Was that when you were in France?" he asked quietly. It wasn't actually a bad thing for Cas to masturbate thinking of someone else, but it was uncomfortable when that someone was a real person that Castiel knew, because real things could happen as a result of that. If it was a celebrity or somebody unattainable, Dean would get it. He'd fantasized about celebrities and porn stars before, but never somebody he knew in real life, except Lisa before he'd met Cas. It just made things too awkward.

Castiel so badly wanted to say yes. Wanted to say this was when they weren't together but he couldn't. He couldn't lie to Dean like that. "No," he said quietly, the covers still hiding him mostly from Dean. "It was when he showed up here. I...I'm struggling with intimacy, Dean. I just needed to think about something carefree. Just sex. I didn't even realize who I was..I just needed someone to get off on."

That actually hurt, and Dean's chest felt constricted and tight. He couldn't look at Cas and he didn't know what to say. Cas had been thinking about having sex with Maurice within the last few days, and it was too close for comfort. And the fact that it was Maurice Cas had been jerking off to and not Dean told him something, especially if Cas didn't even realize who it was he wanted at the moment. Sometimes he forgot that Cas had known he was gay for years, which meant he was attracted to guys and there were definitely many guys who were much more attractive and appealing than Dean, and Maurice was clearly one of them. "Do you want to have sex with him?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"No," he said almost instantly, because it was the truth. "I could never be intimate with anyone but you, Dean," he said, again because it was the truth. He and Dean had history it made their sex life more personal but Maurice, it wasn't the same. He only knew some of what happened. He hadn't been there hadn't experienced it with Castiel. If they had sex it wouldn't be personal and that made Castiel feel weird. Besides, after Maurice tried to fool around with him yesterday, he got his answer. Maurice wasn't the person he thought he was. He'd created this persona in his mind, making Maurice seem a better person than he was. The Maurice he thought he knew would never have touched him like that. He guessed he still had a lot to learn about trusting the people you know.

Dean looked up at Cas hopefully, eyes wide and uncertain. That piece of information sank in and it took his breath away. He felt like a total dick. Cas loved him so much, a blind man could see it, and Dean loved him just as much. There would never be anyone else worth staying with, the two of them would always end up together no matter how much the universe tried to fuck with them. It was crazy, and Dean sometimes needed to be reminded of how strong their bond was. Now the issue was what would happen to Maurice and Cas' friendship. "Was he aggressive, when he touched you?" Dean asked protectively. He knew Cas was insecure and had no confidence with sexual activities anymore and was reluctant to be intimate, and that Maurice's actions might have been traumatizing or triggered bad memories in Cas.

Castiel shook his head, still sort of hiding beneath the covers. "I think..he just wanted it so badly. He didn't realize I didn't...he wasn't aggressive. Just..not gentle either." It was hard to tell. He'd been so scared and worried of what might happen if he pushed Maurice away that he hadn't really had time to realize how hard he'd pushed him against the table. His train of thought was all over the place. He hadn't really realized what was happening until it happened.

Dean's expression softened and he bit his lip, moving a little closer towards Cas. Dean couldn't see the lower half of his face, because the blanket was pulled up to his eyes, which were wide and full of pain and fear. Dean gently pulled the blanket down so he could see Castiel's entire face and neck, and he noticed with disdain that Maurice had left a hickey on Cas, right on the side of his throat. Dean slid his thumb lightly over the mark and frowned. "Yeah, not gentle is right." he muttered, sighing and withdrawing his hand. Only Dean should be allowed to leave his mark on Cas, not someone who forced themselves on Cas even when the affections weren't mutual.

Castiel blushed and tensed under Dean's gaze. He felt so exposed. When Dean moved his hand away he instantly pulled the covers back over himself to where the were beneath his eyes. "I-I'm sorry, Dean," he whispered, averting his eyes. He knew it wasn't his fault but if he'd just told Maurice to back off sooner none of this would have happened. He removed his hand from beneath the blankets and reached out for Dean's hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb.

Dean sighed and looked at Cas with a sad expression, hating the way Castiel looked away and tried to hide himself as if he were ashamed. It hurt Dean to see him like this, and there had already been enough pain and misery and Dean didn't want any more. He moved closer, squeezing Castiel's hand, and pressed a gentle kiss to Castiel's forehead, the lightest of touches that lingered on Castiel's skin for a moment before he pulled away a little bit and stroked Castiel's messy hair. "It's okay, Cas, I get it. You got scared and he took advantage of your hesitance. I'm not angry at you, that wouldn't be fair."

Castiel felt a little better under Dean's touched and let his eyes slip closed as he let Dean play with his hair. "Thank you," he said, moving up the bed so he could kneel beside Dean and hug him tightly. He was just glad everything was alright between them again. He'd been scared last night. The thought of loosing Dean again to some silly misunderstanding.

Dean sighed in relief and hugged Castiel back just as tightly, closing his eyes and hanging on for a long time. What they had was real and couldn't be broken, they'd proven that many times before. "I love you and I hate seeing you get hurt," Dean murmured into Castiel's hair. "I'm sorry I accused of you cheating and everything, but you have to understand that is what it looked like when I walked in. I couldn't get it out of my head and it really hurt, Cas."

Castiel nodded a little before burying his face further into Dean's neck. "I understand," he said quietly. "I'd have thought the same without an explanation." He pressed a timid kiss to Dean's neck before continuing. "I just wish you'd given me a chance to explain before you ran off like that. You could have hurt yourself. I thought the worst." His hand instinctively went to the scar in Dean's scalp and he swallowed thickly. "I'm just glad you're alright."

Dean closed his eyes and his throat felt thick as Castiel touched the scar on his head. It had happened before, and now Dean had a nasty cut on his leg as the result of his second runaway attempt. "Yeah, I've really gotta stop running away from problems," he murmured, taking in a deep breath and shivering slightly at Castiel's fingers touching the scar on Dean's head that had nearly killed him. "Thanks for takin' care of me, Cas. Sorry I freaked out."

"It's okay, kitten," he murmured softly, tracing Dean's scar absently. "I'll always be here to take care of you," he assured, pressing a tender kiss to Dean's cheek and rested his nose against his jaw. They stayed like that for a while before Castiel carefully slipped out of bed and began walking towards the kitchen. He wanted to have a proper look around the cabin. He'd been too distraught to do it yesterday.

A silent tear slid down Dean's face and down onto his smiling lips. He felt so loved and important when he was with Cas, and nobody else could ever make him feel that way. He sniffed quietly when Cas pulled back after a while and wandered around the cabin. Dean wiped his tears away and watched with a soft smile as Cas looked around at all the new additions to the little house, hoping he would like it.

Castiel looked around excitedly, pulling open the kitchen draws and squealing excitedly. "We've got spoons!" Their own things. So domestic and sweet and Dean had done it all for him. For them. He grinned, seeing the new paint job and curtains and food. It was perfect. Everything was. "I love you, Dean Winchester," he exclaimed, running back to Dean with a bright smile and a warm hug.

Dean laughed in delight at Castiel's sudden childlike excitement, and he felt like he was going to burst with happiness that Cas approved. He grinned as Castiel practically threw himself into his arms and he stood up to meet him, hugging him just as tightly and laughing happily into his shoulder. "You like it? I got Sam to help me with a lot of it. We've still got to move our own stuff in and buy food, obviously, but it's a start. It's our own place."

Castiel couldn't stop grinning. He shook his head. "I love it!" he beamed, peppering Dean's face and neck with little kisses. "We can be together properly out here. Our own space. Our own life. It's perfect." He laughed a little, stepping out of Dean's embrace to run around the place, spinning and dancing in the space that was theirs officially. He couldn't have been happier. The place was amazing. He couldn't believe it was the same place that had brought them together in the first place.

Dean laughed into Castiel's cheek as he was pecked with kisses and hugged tightly. Dean let go of Cas when the other pulled away and began spinning around in the middle of the largest main room that made up most of the building. He looked so happy and bright, less weighed-down than Dean had seen him in weeks, and it made Dean smile so wide his cheeks ached. "Yeah, you know, I just thought we needed a comfortable, well equipped space to escape to."

Castiel chuckled, falling on his ass before leaning back to lie on the floor and look happily up at the ceiling. "I'm just so happy," he grinned, shaking his head. "This is amazing. I can't believe you did all this." They'd talked about fixing it up but he'd always assumed it would be a thing they did together and in years time. Not something in the here and now. "I love you so much," he said, looking up at Dean from the floor.

Dean walked slowly over to Cas and sat on the floor beside him, looking around at the house proudly. "I want you to add things too," he said, looking down at Cas with a soft smile. "Make it yours also. This place is ours and I want it to be a place we can both feel at home in." He looked around and chewed his lip thoughtfully. "You know, we could actually live here for the rest of the school year," he mused, "We could move in and make this our home until we figure out what we're doing after I graduate."

Castiel's eyes widened. "Could I bring Amber here?" he asked excitedly. Home wasn't home without Amber. He reached out for Dean's hand and played with it absently. "I could bring my art stuff out here. Paint the lake. It'd be perfect," he grinned happily. This was going to be so much fun. He just couldn't wait. To live here with Dean. His fiancé.

Dean linked his fingers with Castiel's and nodded. "Yeah, if you think she'd like it. There's plenty of woods around for her to explore in and hunt squirrels or whatever it is cats do when they're not sleeping or licking themselves. And I haven't seen any of your artwork in a while, you could do some really good stuff out here with the lake and everything."

Castiel chuckled. Amber was mostly a house cat. The thought of her chasing squirrels made him laugh. She'd get two feet before giving up. "You think..if I do something good enough. We could hang some of my work up?" Castiel asked quietly, looking up at Dean hopefully. He wasn't the best but it'd be nice to be able to see his work on display. Instead of having to hide it under his bed so his brothers couldn't burn it.

"Yeah, of course," Dean replied, ruffling Cas' hair. "All your stuff is too good to hang up on the refrigerator anyway, might as well make good use of all this empty wall space. And I was thinking maybe some guitar hooks for the wall, too. To make it easier to just grab your guitar whenever you want." Dean smiled affectionately at Cas and smoothed down the hair he'd just ruffled up. "Do whatever you want to make this place yours as much as mine."

Castiel's eyes brightened at the thought. "Sounds amazing." He sat up enough to kiss Dean, wrapping an arm around his neck so he brought Dean down with him when he laid back down on the floor. "Maybe we could build a garage," he suggested. "Shouldn't be too hard with a little extra help, right? Somewhere to keep your car so she doesn't rust up." Castiel's eyes widened. "Dean. We gotta get one of those old fashion jukeboxes. It'll be perfect."

Dean kissed Castiel back happily and laid down beside him, staring up at the ceiling. There wasn't any plaster or drywall on the ceiling, it was all just open up to the tip of the roof and finished with polished, rustic-looking wood so the ceiling was pretty high and all of the beams were visible. It was nice and definitely more interesting, and it gave the house a cozy feel. "Yeah, it's gonna take more time to do that and I need to save up some more money first, but that would be a good idea. For now I can just get a tarp for the Impala and one for your motorcycle, too." He laughed at Castiel's wide-eyed excitement over a jukebox. "We should," he agreed, "But you're responsible for finding one someone's selling because I have no idea where you'd even get one of those."

Castiel nodded in agreement. "Maybe I should try working two jobs, earn some extra cash," he mused, thinking how much more they could do with this place if they had the money. He nodded excitedly. "I'll ask Crowley. I'm sure he'll be able to help." Crowley knew everything and everyone. He was bound to know somewhere that sold that sort of thing. He leant over Dean's shoulder and kissed him again, sighing happily as he rested his chin on Dean's chest, looking at him warmly. "You got a knife?" he asked. "We need to christen our home."

Dean grinned at Cas and kissed his temple. "Okay, we'll figure something out. Don't worry about it right now, though." He narrowed his eyes suspiciously and studied Castiel's face. "A knife?" he repeated, not sure he understood what Cas meant by "christening" the house, but if it involved cutting themselves Dean didn't like it. He did have a knife, in fact. A small jack knife in his back pocket that he'd been using for cutting open boxes over the last few days and had stuck it in his pocket out of habit.

Castiel nodded, standing up to go rummage through the kitchen draw. He found a steak knife and grinned, looking over at Dean with bright eyes. He ran to the front door and opened it, walking outside to admire the doorframe before carving a heart into it and added his initials C.N before looking over at Dean and offered him the knife. "Come on, Dean," he encouraged.

Dean watched as Cas searched for a knife in the kitchen and then carried it outside, and he stood up and followed close behind to see what Cas was going to do. He sighed in relief when Cas just carved his initials into the wooden door frame and then offered him the knife with a bright smile. He grinned and kissed Cas before taking the knife from him and carving his initials, D.W., underneath Castiel's inside the heart. "Me and Sam did this when we were kids, minus the heart," he said thoughtfully, lowering the knife and running his fingers over the grooves in the wood.

Castiel didn't mention when he noted the way Dean looked worried for a split second when he held the knife. He was in too good of mood to talk about that right now. "Yeah? That's sweet," Castiel hummed, admiring their work. "Well, when we get married. I'll just a line to my N to make a W and we'll be set," he beamed, wrapping his arm around Dean's waist and leaning slightly against him.

"Castiel Winchester. Cas Winchester." Dean tried out the name combination experimentally. "You're absolutely sure you don't want to keep your name or combine them? Dean Novak?" He shrugged and looked at Castiel curiously. "I just don't want to feel like it's taking away your masculinity or anything, since it's traditionally the woman who gives up her name and takes the man's name. I feel a little weird about that but we'll do whatever you want."

"It won't," he assured, looking up at Dean with soft eyes. "I don't want to be Novak. I don't want anything to do with that name. It's my father's not mine. I want our children to be Winchester's." He looked a little taken back and dipped his head a little. "You know. If you want me to be a Winchester, that is. That's up to you." He felt a bit bad for just presuming it but he'd wanted to change his name for years now anyway. If he didn't with Dean he'd end up doing it when he was 21 anyway, he just wasn't sure what to yet.

Dean relaxed and gave Cas a smile, cupping his face gently so their eyes met. "Castiel Winchester it is then," he said softly. "I'm not too proud to be my father's son and have his name, but at least I have Sam and you pretty much consider each other family anyway, so let's make it official. The three of us, we're family and we've got each other. Welcome to the Winchester family, Cas." Dean leaned forward and kissed Castiel's lips gently. "I like the way that sounds," he murmured against Castiel's lips, "Cas Winchester."

Castiel chuckled a little, leaning forward to kiss Dean back. "I like it too," he grinned happily. "And I can't wait to make it official in the winter." He kissed Dean again. "Happiest day of my life." He slapped Dean's ass as he kissed him a third time, winking at him before running back into the house and just started dancing and spinning again. Cheering happily that this was all actually happening.

Dean grinned and then laughed when Cas slapped his ass before darting back inside and spinning around gracefully and excitedly, and it made Dean's entire body feel warm and content to just see Cas look this happy. He walked over to the radio in the kitchen and turned it on to a classic rock station, and there was some upbeat Elvis playing. He grinned and turned the volume up before sneaking up behind Cas and placing his hands on his waist, turning him around so they were face to face, and he led Cas into an energetic, fun dance.

Castiel heard the radio turn on and music begin to play. To that he started to dance hard and more energetically only to have Dean spin him and start dancing with him. He laughed wholeheartedly and rested his hands over Dean's upper arms as they danced together. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had this much fun. He needed it. That much could be said. "I love you," he beamed, kissing Dean's lips before spinning out of Dean's hold and started to circle him.

Dean smiled excitedly at Cas after they kissed, and he patted Castiel's chest, right over his heart. "Love you too," he said over the music, watching and continuing to move his feet and body to the music as Cas moved away and circled around him. Dean was reminded instantly of their prom, although it was still morning and it was light outside and the cabin looked more like a home than it ever had, and Dean wanted this moment to last.

Castiel laughed a little, grinning so hard at Dean his cheeks began to ache but he didn't care. This was amazing. Dean was amazing for doing all of this for him. _Back in Black _began to play and Castiel almost squealed in delight. He started playing air guitar until the vocals kicked in, then he just resorted to swaying him hips against Dean's, getting him to follow the movement. He blushed a little when he realized what he was doing but Dean didn't seem to mind. It was just dancing. He backed off a little, clearing his throat and took Dean's hand instead, spinning him and tried dancing smoothly together with the space between them their hands provided.

Dean cheered when the song came on and Cas played air guitar, and then he moved close to Dean, pressing up against his body and swaying together to the beat of the song, and Dean was slightly surprised at Castiel's more forward dancing, their hips moving together in a suggestive way, because Cas had been reluctant to be intimate with him for a while and it was surprising that he was doing this without even thinking. But it didn't last long, because soon Cas blushed and backed up, but they still danced close. Dean turned around in Castiel's arms, still holding both of his hands, so their bodies were touching slightly again, Castiel's chest to Dean's back, but Dean didn't do anything more than that just to see how Cas would react. If he didn't like it, Cas could just move away.

Castiel swallowed thickly, watching the way he danced with him. He was testing him. He could see the way Dean was leaving gaps between them to see what Castiel would do. He wasn't even sure what he was going to do. He swallowed thickly, watching the back of Dean's head for a moment before spinning Dean back so they were face to face. He kept their hands intwined as he started to dance closer. Their bodies moving in sync as Castiel span around like Dean had done so he didn't have to face Dean. He tried to keep dancing like that but as soon as the song ended he pulled away and sat on the couch, taking a deep breath as he tried to tell himself he'd done good. He'd tried to get back to normal. It was a step in the right direction at least, right?

Dean moved where Cas wanted him and smiled reassuringly at him, but Cas wasn't meeting his eyes. They were still dancing close, but Cas moved in a circle around Dean so they weren't face to face or too close for Cas to be uncomfortable. Dean wasn't surprised by this. Cas was okay with close proximity as long as there were no sexual intentions, because they'd spent the entire night sleeping wrapped up in each other in the same bed and Cas didn't seem to have a problem with that. It was just the other stuff that dancing like that implied that he didn't want to do, and Dean could understand that. When the song ended and Cas headed over to the couch immediately, Dean went to turn the volume of the radio down as it went to commercials and then perched on the arm of the couch Cas was sitting on, leaving some space between them and he studied Castiel's face curiously.

"Sorry," he mumbled, reaching blindly for Dean's hand and ended up just resting his hand in the other's lap. "It's just..really hard," he tried to explain. Dean must have been getting as annoyed as he was over this. He just want to be intimate again. The one time he'd felt brave enough to was at the winter formal and Sam had gone and interrupted them. "I want to be sexy for you," he said, looking up at Dean but not quite meeting his eyes. "I want to feel sexy again." He sighed, shaking his head. "Does this place have a bath? I could really use one right now."

Dean took Castiel's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Cas, it's okay. I've told you I understand and I'm not mad or anything. I'll wait as long as you need me to and I promise I won't push you into anything you're not ready for." He looked at Cas and leaned down a little to try to meet his eyes. "Cas, I think you're sexy. It's just a matter of how you feel about yourself. You can't let yourself be defined by your past, Cas. You're an amazing, talented, caring, beautiful, sexy man and I know you don't see yourself that way, but I'll do whatever it takes to make you see it, Cas. And yeah, the bathtub's newly installed, haven't even tried it out yet. You get to be the first."

Castiel smiled a little. No matter how far he pushed himself down, Dean always had faith to pull him back up and for that he loved him. He managed to stand up and kiss Dean chastely. He let go of Dean's hand and went into the bathroom, admiring just how nice it look in comparison to last time and ran a hand over the frame of the bathtub before turning on the water. As he waited, he contemplated asking Dean to join him. He bit his lip and paced a little, wondering if that was such a good idea. Eventually, he turned off the water, stripped out of his shirt before he went looking for Dean. He grabbed Dean's hand and dragged him into the bathroom before he changed his mind. He looked at the wall instead of Dean and closed his eyes. "Get in the bath," he said, his intentions being he'll look once Dean was in there.

Dean wasn't sure what to do when Cas was going to take a bath, so he just waited on the couch and stared at the wall uncertainly. He could hear the water running and filling up the tub, but he pointedly didn't look in the direction of the bathroom. A moment later Cas came out, shirtless and unbelievably gorgeous, his muscles rippling in his chest and stomach as he walked towards Dean. "What-" Dean began, startled by Cas grabbing him and dragging him to the bathroom. He stumbled along after Cas and then looked at him in confusion. Once they were both in the steamed up bathroom, Cas turned his back to Dean and looked at the wall, and Dean was momentarily distracted by the intricately designed wing tattoo covering his entire back. He was tempted to reach out and run his hands over Castiel's skin, but he held himself back and just looked at him uncertainly. "Uh, okay?" he mumbled, awkwardly standing there. He wasn't sure if he should do it or not, because it didn't look like Cas was entirely sure about this.

Castiel groaned a little in frustration. "Please," he begged quietly. "I want this, Dean. It's just..if you're already in the bath then I'll have to go through with it. Undressing you will lead to hesitance and I don't want that. I want to take a bath with you and get used to your body again. I can't do that if you're not in the tub." He sounded on the verge of hysterical but he didn't care. He just wanted to get back to a normal routine where he could be intimate at least, without being sexual. That he at least needed to do.

Dean shrugged and stepped towards the tub. "Alright, but if you're just doing this to make me feel better or something, I'm not gonna be happy." He pulled off his shirt and pants methodically, and then stepped into the tub. He sat down, the water making quiet splashing sounds as he settled in the tub. "Okay, I'm in," he told Cas, "Don't do anything you're not completely comfortable with," he stressed, because he was already feeling a little unsure about this whole ordeal because Cas seemed to be forcing himself to do this, at some level, but whatever Cas wanted to do Dean would be supportive of him.

Castiel nodded and took a deep breath. He slowly turned around and looked over Dean carefully before even considering undressing further. He took a step forward, slipping out of his pants and boxers as he did so. He stood there, naked for a moment and swallowed thickly. "Okay," he breathed, letting his fingertips dangle into the water for a moment before he got into the tub and slowly knelt between Dean's legs. He took a long, shaky breath and looked at Dean with big eyes. His hand hesitantly pressed over Dean's chest before he carefully stretched out to lie against Dean with his head over his heart. "It's just like sleeping. Only naked," he told himself, taking deep breaths as he got used to the feeling again.

Dean watched Castiel's face patiently as he undressed and then stood there naked and completely exposed in front of him. He moved a little to accommodate Castiel in the bathtub so they'd both be comfortable. Cas settled in hesitantly between his legs, a hand wet and warm passed over his skin before Cas was lying down on him and rested his head on his chest. Dean's arms automatically wrapped around Castiel, his palms resting lightly on his back, and he stroked the fingertips of one hand up and down Castiel's spine in a soothing, slow motion. "This okay?" He murmured into Castiel's hair, relaxing with the warm water and the weight of Castiel's body on his, no barriers of clothing between them now.

Castiel took a deep breath, letting Dean's touch and the warm water soothe him. "Y-Yes," he whispered. "I'm okay." He managed to look up at Dean and smile a little. Amazed he'd even gotten this far. "Thank you," he murmured, tucking his head back beneath Dean's and just settled there for a long time before considering moving to get the soap and begin touching Dean a bit more as opposed to just lying with him. He started with his chest and shoulders, massaging the soap into his skin before washing it away with gentle hands. He then continued down his body with this system, skipping his hips and thigh area to move down to his legs, lifting them one at a time out of the water to clean them. He'd press a kiss to the ankle before carefully dropping them back into the water. After cleaning Dean, the water was cloudy from the soap and he hummed, feeling a little better. "Can we...try this in bed?" he asked quietly. "I'm still pretty tired. Can we just sleep for a bit longer?"

Dean smiled reassuringly at Cas and kissed his forehead before he dipped his head back down to rest against his chest. When Cas started rubbing soap onto Dean's body, Dean let him, watching his face the whole time. Cas was focused, and he seemed to be gaining more confidence with what he was doing. When he was done, Dean lightly splashed some water onto himself to rinse all the soap off and he looked at Cas with a small smile. "Thanks, but what about you? Do you want me to do the same for you or would you rather just dry off and get in bed?"

Castiel shook his head. "I don't...I don't think I can. Not yet," he said with an apologetic smile. He kissed Dean's cheek before carefully getting out of the tub and hurried to wrap a towel around his body, drying himself off quickly before Dean could offer to do that too. He didn't want to have to say no again. He felt bad for it. He quickly ditched the towel and walked into the other room so he could slip under the bedsheet to be at least a little covered, he didn't want Dean to see him so vulnerable. If things got to much he wanted a safety net, like the bedsheet. Dean couldn't see under there. Not if Castiel didn't want him to.

Dean nodded in understanding and averted his eyes as Castiel stepped out of the tub and quickly dried himself off. Dean waited until Cas was out of the bathroom before standing up and toweling himself dry, walking back to the bedroom holding his clothes and Castiel's clothes. It seemed like the unexpected encounter with Maurice had really been a setback for Cas and they'd definitely have to take things very slowly until Cas could trust again and feel safe. Cas was lying on the bed under the sheet, his eyes wide and blue.. Dean smiled at him; he'd chosen the exact right color for the sheets, they matched Castiel's eyes perfectly. "You look really beautiful," Dean said with a soft smile, sliding under the covers beside Cas.

Castiel blushed when Dean complimented him and he smiled a little. He watched as Dean slipped under the covers and he shuffled a little closer to try and keep the distance between them as little as possible. He wanted this to work. He'd been comfortable with it in the bath. Now he just had to try it without washing him. Just purely touching him. He took a deep breath, letting his hand wander a little down Dean's side. "Y-You're beautiful too," he breathed, pressing a kiss to Dean's chest before stilling his hand, unable to go past Dean's hip bone.

Dean smiled at Cas and pushed his fingers into his hair and massaged Castiel's scalp gently. He was conscious of every place their skin touched, and they were both naked and just barely inches apart. This was surprisingly intimate, considering some of the things they'd done in the past, but this was more about their connection and their attempts to mend it. "Thanks," Dean said somewhat cockily with a little grin, lightening the mood a little and trying to get Cas to loosen up and feel more natural and comfortable in this position. He placed his hand over Castiel's on his hip and just gently rested his palm there, not moving Castiel's hand but just gently keeping it where it was. His touch was light enough that Cas could easily pull his hand away, but firm enough to be positively encouraging.

Castiel gave a small smile, nudging his nose into Dean's neck to inhale the clean skin. His stomach rested against Dean's hipbone as he laid on his side against Dean who was on his back. He felt his heartbeat increase at the contact but tried to ignore it. "I love you," he murmured letting his eyes close as he let his hand tug free from Dean's so he could skim past Dean's crotch to rest over his bandaged thigh. He let out a muffled sound as he tried to keep it together. He could do this. It was just Dean. No harm done.

"I love you too, Cas." Dean murmured, feeling the sensitive muscles in his stomach tense slightly at the contact of Castiel's hand, which tickled a little bit. He sighed into Castiel's hair and slid a hand down his back. "Relax," he breathed, carefully pressing his fingertips against the taut muscles of Castiel's shoulders and back. "It's okay, we're just lying here. Nothing else. It doesn't have to be anything else, Cas. Just breathe and relax. I've got you."

Castiel breathed heavily and slowly opened his eyes. "Okay," he breathed, looking at Dean's nipples absently instead of his eyes. He kissed a scar on Dean's chest which was close to his lips and breathed in again deeply. He moved his hand back up to rest against Dean's side so his arm was draped over Dean's stomach. He was beginning to get used to him again but it still felt odd, not having the other try to dominate or overpower him like the others had. The others he'd loved blindly. Dean seemed to be the only one not to abuse that power.

Dean turned onto his side slightly so he was facing Cas more and gently cupped his cheek, stroking his thumb over the defined curve of Castiel's cheekbone, eyes roaming over Castiel's face. They stayed like that for a while before Dean slowly moved forward and kissed the corner of Castiel's mouth experimentally, just barely a brush of lips on skin, and then backed away to let Cas make the next move if he chose to. He kept his breathing slow and shallow, almost as if he were sleeping, to try to help Cas relax and feel more comfortable.

Castiel let Dean move until he was comfortable again and smiled sheepishly at the kiss. He leaned in to kiss Dean properly, knowing at least that he could do right without messing things up. He did it a few times. Each time lingering more and more as he tried to push the boat further out. His hand still rested around Dean's middle as he kept kissing him. He was beginning to get more and more confident but he didn't move his body much. Just kept focussed on kissing Dean before finally pulling away breathlessly. "Wow," he chuckled quietly. He'd forgotten how amazing kissing could be.

Dean smiled against Castiel's lips when he kissed him back, and Dean made sure to match Castiel's movements exactly so they were on the same page and Dean didn't push the limits of Castiel's comfort level. He let Cas call the shots, but he was careful to give back as much as he took so there was a balance. They hadn't kissed this intensely in ages and Dean eagerly tasted Castiel's mouth and the familiar wet heat of their tongues and lips sliding together. When they pulled away Dean huffed a breathless laugh. Castiel looked pleasantly flustered, lips pink and damp and cheeks slightly flushed. "That wasn't so bad, was it?" Dean teased affectionately, pressing one more sweet, chaste kiss to Castiels lips.

Castiel chuckled, shaking his head. "I..I'm so glad it's you," he said out of nowhere. "Being so kind and patient. I don't know anyone else who'd do this for me." He kissed Dean again, deeper this time as he clutched to his shoulders a little. "Thank you," he said again. Another kiss. "Thank you so much." He nuzzled against Dean's neck, needing to calm down after so much progress.

Dean's smile softened and he sighed contentedly. "I'm glad it's me too," he murmured in agreement, closing his eyes as Cas kissed him again and gripped his shoulders. He tightened his arms around Cas a little and just held him. "I know you're struggling, but it's okay. There's no need to rush back into things, we'll get there eventually. There's no hurry, we'll take it at your pace." He kissed Castiel's forehead and stroked his hair soothingly as Cas nuzzled back against his neck.

Castiel hummed, letting his eyes close. His hands skimming over Dean's body. "Thank you," he said again, kissing Dean's chin. He found himself content to just lie there in Dean's arms. The fact they were both naked felt right. He felt like it should be this way and he had nothing to hide before. "I love you," he mumbled as he drifted off into sleep.

"I love you too, baby." Dean whispered, kissing Castiel's hairline softly. They laid together for a long time and eventually Cas fell asleep, and Dean followed suit a few minutes later, feeling relieved and content that they were back on the right track. The radio was still playing softly in the background so they weren't in complete silence, but it lulled Dean to sleep nonetheless.

Castiel awoke a few hours later, curled up against Dean's side. His leg hitched a little over Dean's and an obvious boner was pressed against his thigh. He swallowed thickly, opening his eyes slowly to see Dean pressed up against him. He blushed in embarrassment, trying to pull away only to feel his own erection rub against Dean's when he tried to move. He let out a soft whimper, freezing and staring wide eyed at Dean. Unsure what to do.

Dean was just in the beginning stages of having a pretty awesome dream when he felt Cas move against him, and he smiled in his half-asleep state and slowly moved back against the warm body, chasing the heat of skin, but then he realized what he was doing. His eyes snapped open and he looked over at Cas, who was frozen and just staring at Dean, his hair messy from sleep and his cheeks flushed pink. "Uh, Cas... are you..." Dean asked awkwardly, still not moving. Anything Dean did right now could possibly go wrong and be another setback for Cas, and Dean was worried he'd done something while they were sleeping.

Castiel bit his lip, stifling another whimper. He didn't know what to do. He was aroused without meaning to be and he could not have thought of a worse time to have an awkward boner. He carefully pulled his leg away but that only caused more friction and Castiel let out a small breathy moan. His eyes widened in surprise at the sound and he looked at Dean for help. He didn't want to continue and not follow through. Dean would hate him for that. Would probably get mad and yell at him but if he didn't try he'd be back where he was to start with.

Dean's own breath hitched when Cas made a small sound and moved against him again. He didn't know what to do, and he just mirrored Castiel's expression and waited for something to happen. The urge to move and press himself against Cas again was getting worse and worse, but Dean knew he'd be able to suppress it if Cas wasn't ready. "I can give you some privacy to, uh, take care of that. If you want." Dean wanted Cas to know there were options and he was okay with whatever Cas needed. He kept his expression neutral and open, leaving it up to Cas to decide.

Castiel swallowed thickly, shaking his head. "I..I wanna try," he whispered, watching Dean with big eyes. His hesitantly bumped his nose against Dean's and titled his head to capture Dean's lips. He let his eyes slip closed as he concentrated on kissing, ignoring his other unexpected urges. He tilted their bodies so they were still on their sides but so Castiel felt like the one towering over Dean instead of the other way around. The simple change in tilt made the difference as Castiel felt more in control of the movements and kissing. It helped him to know Dean wouldn't try to dominate or hurt him.

Dean's eyes widened and he nodded wordlessly in agreement as Castiel's lips met his and they were kissing deeply, slowly, getting used to the feeling of kissing and touching like this again. Dean's hands rested lightly in the middle of Castiel's back and didn't wander any lower, and he just laid back and let Cas hover above him slightly, and Dean matched Castiel's movements with his tongue and lips, feeling the heat of Castiel's breath on his face and he opened his eyes and pulled back for breath after a few long moments of kissing, and Cas looked incredibly hot. His eyes were dark and full of lust and his hair was pushed down over his forehead, lips parted and pink and it left Dean breathless.

Castiel panted a little as he pulled away from Dean, his back twitching as Dean touched him causing his winged tattoo to flutter. He looked down at Dean breathlessly, his eyes were almost black with a speck of green staring back at him. His lips wet and parted and plump from kissing. Castiel couldn't help but trace Dean's features with one finger. He'd made Dean look like this. He made him look so aroused and so beautiful. Castiel leaned down and kissed Dean's freckled nose, laughing a little. He was okay with this. He felt..happy. He shifted his hips a little to test the theory and all he could do was chuckle. "I'm not afraid," he whispered, kissing Dean again.

Dean stared up at Cas and smiled in awe, and he closed his eyes as Cas kissed his nose and touched his face gently, as if Dean were something precious and valuable. It made him feel incredibly humble and amazed that he was lucky enough to have someone who loved him like this. It was almost unreal. They were floating in this moment that seemed to drag out as if time had stopped, just looking at each other and realizing how amazing it really was. Then Cas brought them crashing back into their bodies with no more than a small move of his hips, and Dean tipped his head back against the pillow and moaned in surprise. "God, Cas..." he said, looking up at Cas with half-closed eyes and a wide smile.

Castiel watched as Dean tipped his head back and moaned softly. The sound so pure and loving. Far from the agonising screams or grunts he'd experiences before. He rubbed his thumb over Dean's cheekbone and kissed over that spot as he moved his thumb away. He did the same on the other side before playing with Dean's lower lip, kissing him tenderly as he moved his hips again. The movement was still experimental and barely a movement at all but it was enough.

Dean closed his eyes in ecstasy as Cas moved against him again, tilting their hips together slowly. It wasn't much, but it was something and it seemed to be natural for them to want to move this way. Castiel's fingers were soft and warm on his face and his lips were even softer and warmer when they kissed his, and Dean was perfectly content with just this. He leaned up, chasing Castiel's mouth for another clumsy kiss, subconsciously rolling his his just slightly at the same time.

Castiel chuckled a little as Dean started to kiss him back on his own accord. It felt nice to have Dean not just mirror his actions but not overpower him with what he did either. It could work. He wasn't afraid of the surprise friction he got as Dean started to move against him on his own. He actually..kinda liked it. "Dean," he murmured lightly, kissing Dean again. "My kitten." Another kiss. "My love." He rested their foreheads together as Castiel ground his hips down carefully against Dean's, letting out a low, breathless moan.

Dean gasped quietly when Cas ground down against him with a little more pressure, and he looked up at Castiel's eyes which were so close to his own. He slowly twisted his hips up to rub against Castiel's body, not breaking eye contact, and Cas looked so beautiful and perfect and Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's back a little tighter and stilled his movements for a moment, just hugging Cas close to him and breathing in his scent. "I missed this," he whispered, "I missed you. I love you."

Castiel stilled as Dean just hugged him. He smiled down at him, bumping their noses together. "I love you, too," he murmured, kissing Dean deeply. His body stilled as he just kissed Dean, exploring his mouth and skimming his hand down Dean's side. "I've missed this too, I'm so sorry I made you wait," he whispered, dipping his head to press a gentle kiss to the corner of Dean's mouth.

"The wait was worth it," Dean breathed, leaning up to meet Castiel's lips and try to kiss him properly. He shivered in pleasure as Castiel's strong yet graceful hand slid down his side, fingers bumping over Dean's ribs and resting just above his hip. Still kissing Castiel, Dean sucked his tongue into his mouth and trailed his hands down Castiel's back slowly, tracing the muscles with his palms until his hands came to a stop at Castiel's waist and held him gently, nothing forceful or controlling about it.

Castiel grinned, rewarding Dean with another kiss for saying the right thing. He didn't always know what to say but in this moment, Dean had hit every target. In the way he spoke and in the way he held Castiel, treating him with patients and the love he deserved. Castiel trailed his hand down and over Dean's hipbone before moving back up to rest his hand on Dean's hip. He wanted to touch him. He wanted to pleasure him but he wasn't ready to yet. He felt safe just kissing Dean and rubbing up against him like the teenagers they were. He couldn't help but chuckle at the thought, smiling brightly at Dean.

Dean laughed softly against Castiel's lips and gently held his face with both hands to look at him again. It felt like it was their first time, but it was familiar just like they used to be. Dean cherished every sensation and movement and noise Cas made and committed them to memory, because there was nothing more beautiful. Castiel's hand wandered down near his hipbone, close to his erection, and Dean bit his lip and grinned up at Cas.

Castiel found a gentle rhythm, rocking his hips against Dean's. His erection rubbing against Dean's uninjured thigh. He gasped and moaned softly, keeping his eyes on Dean's as he tried to concentrate on the fact that this was Dean. They loved each other and nothing bad would happen. He kissed Dean again. His safety net as he continued to explore Dean's body. Letting his hand feel down his leg, down to the back of the knee and back up to rest on the side of Dean's ass.

Dean felt complete, his body pleasured and his mind healed and comforted by Castiel. His entire essence was like a balm and Dean was addicted to the sensations, every little move Castiel made sending increasing waves of arousal through Dean's body and he didn't once look away from Castiel's eyes, even as his lips parted and he tilted his head back, arching up against Castiel's body and moaning at the feeling of their bodies sliding together. Castiel's hands were wandering lower, and Dean carefully did the same, tracing his fingers down Castiel's spine and then resting the fingertips of both hands on the fleshy part of Castiel's ass.

Castiel moaned a little when Dean rested his hands a little on his ass. "My wings not good enough for you?" he teased, smiling shyly as he kissed Dean again. Their noses squished together as they kissed clumsily. Castiel beginning to loose control as he worked up his arousal. He groaned a little when he pressed against Dean just right and quickened his pace a little.

Dean managed to roll his eyes affectionately despite his building arousal. "I can't even see your wings from this angle, idiot," he muttered affectionately, squeezing Castiel's ass gently before sliding his hands up to rest around his waist again. "It would be pretty amazing if you had actual wings growing out of your back, though. Like that painting I modeled for last year." Dean was breathless and Cas was moving faster and harder against him, the thrust of their hips moving together driving Dean closer to the edge. "Come on, baby," Dean encouraged breathlessly, "Come on, you're almost there..."

Castiel grinned, moaned as Dean grabbed his ass. It felt so good to be touched like this again. He'd begun to worry he'd never feel sexy or aroused again but with Dean's help he'd gotten there again. "Mmm, you were so hot," Castiel hummed, remembering painting Dean and enjoying every second. It was a shame the painting were lost in the fire. He should really paint Dean again sometime. He almost lost it when Dean started encouraging him. He quickened his pace and came with grunt, grinding against Dean as he rode through his orgasm. This time he'd thought of Dean and only Dean because really, there was no one else.

"Are you implying that I'm not hot now?" Dean teased breathlessly, his thighs aching pleasantly from thrusting up and grinding against Castiel's hips. They picked up the pace and Dean kept encouraging Cas, feeling himself reach his own orgasm within seconds after Cas came. He cried out Castiel's name as his body trembled and twitched through the aftershocks of his orgasm, his legs shaking and chest heaving. He felt so warm and satisfied and he pulled Cas down to lie against him and take the weight off his arms. "Oh my God, Cas..." Dean sighed, kissing Castiel's temple and stroking his fingers soothingly through Castiel's hair.

Castiel hadn't realized how much his arms were trembling until Dean brought him down to lie with him. He shifted enough so most of his weight was on the bed and not Dean by his side and welcomed Dean's comforting touch. "Thank you," he said, grinning happily at Dean. Overwhelmed and in bliss from what they'd done. "Thank you," he said again, softly, curling his arm around the back of Dean's neck. He kissed him softly and just held him close, trying to catch his breath.

"I love you," Dean replied softly, smiling at Castiel and feeling full of love and warmth. He could lie here forever with Cas and be perfectly happy, content to just feel close to him again, both physically and emotionally. "Thanks for trusting me," he murmured, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against Castiel's. "So, was that good? It wasn't too much, was it?" Dean asked, although if the happiness radiating from Castiel was anything to go by, there hadn't been any problems.

"I'll always trust you Dean..I just, needed a push," he said softly, stroking Dean's stomach absently with his knuckles lightly. He laughed a little at that, shaking his head. "It was exactly what I needed," he answered honestly, kissing Dean lazily. "Thank you. I love you, too," he said, letting his eyes finally avert from Dean's to look down at the pillows as he turned to lie on his stomach, turning his head to still be able to see Dean but so he was comfy.

Dean watched as Cas turned over to lie on his front, and Dean rolled over more on his side so he could look at Castiel fully. The sheets were pushed down low over Castiel's hips, revealing his back and part of his ass. Dean propped himself up on one elbow and looked at his body appreciatively, the wing tattoos dark and beautiful against his fair skin. Dean placed his hand on Castiel's upper back and traced it down the middle of Castiel's spine, following the curve and dip until his hand rested on the small of Castiel's back. "What made you decide to get these tattoos?" Dean asked curiously, never having asked before.

Castiel closed his eyes and hummed when Dean traced his tattoo. It felt nice. Being intimate like this again. Letting Dean touch him like this. He felt exposed, sure but after what they'd just done, he had to learn to trust Dean a little. "When I was in France," he said quietly. "I was so upset about you leaving. How..how I'd seen you as my angel for so long. You'd save my life, pick me up when I was down. It wasn't until about a month in did I realize..I had to be my own angel. That you wouldn't always be there for me. I needed to look out for myself. But I guess..now we're together. It's more of a symbol of our relationship. How we're both there for one another. Like guardian angels."

Dean continued tracing the tattoos with his fingertips as Castiel told him the story of why he got them, and he nodded sadly. "Yeah, I felt the same. Your way of dealing with it was a lot healthier than mine, though." Dean smiled sadly and sighed. "They're beautiful, though. They look like they could literally come to life and be real, it's amazing." Dean leaned over Castiel's back and kissed the tip of one of the wings that reached halfway down the back of Castiel's upper arm. He traced his way to Castiel's back, leaving a trail of kisses and touches.

Castiel gasped softly and moaned a little under Dean's touch. Allowing him to explore a little after being so supportive and patient with Castiel. "Feels good," he hummed, burying his face into the pillow. He waited a moment before turning over onto his side. The bed sheet pulling down as he did so to expose a hipbone. He rested his head on his elbow and grinned. "You're beautiful," Castiel murmured, tracing his finger down Dean's jaw. "I'm so glad we did this," he said with pride. Just happy to be getting back on track.

Dean smiled and continued to trace that detailed tattoos with his lips before Cas turned over on his side to face him. Dean backed away just a little and leaned into his touch, his hand still resting on Castiel's waist. He absently rubbed his thumb over Castiel's hipbone and and just gazed at Castiel lovingly. "Me too," he agreed, "I think we're gonna be okay now."

Castiel chuckled, rolling his eyes affectionately. "Well now you've jinxed it," he teased, prodding Dean's chest playfully. Castiel shuffled a little closer, still amused at his own joke and eskimo kissed Dean as he snuggled up beside him. "I like the bedroom," he said, looking around for what felt like the first time. "It feels like home," he said fondly, looking down at the foot of the bed and imagining Amber lying there, purring with contentment.

Dean smirked and nipped playfully at Castiel's lips before pulling him close and wrapping his arms around him, safe and warm. "Yeah?" Dean murmured, "I'm glad you like it. We can start moving some stuff in, if you want. Clothes and more food and movies and stuff. And I want to install some guitar hooks and set up the cable and phone line and stuff. This can be our home, Cas." Dean smiled excitedly at the prospect of living there more permanently, and he was so happy Cas liked it.

Castiel chuckled happily. "It sounds perfect," he murmured in delight, nodding at Dean's thoughts. "Maybe we could bring Amber over sometimes. Get her to acclimatise to the place. I don't want her to run away from being in a new place." Even though she was a house cat he still wanted to make sure she'd be okay when they went out and stuff. He didn't want to go back to the cabin to find her not here.

"Yeah, that's a good idea. And what about your idea of trying to breed her, are you still thinking about that?" Dean added cat food, a cat bed, litter box, and cat toys to his mental shopping list and and smiled at the thought of kittens. "Because I think she'd be relatively undisturbed here, it's quiet and it'll just be us unless we want to let someone else in."

Castiel nodded. "I wanted to breed her soon. She'll be going into heat soon..I think and she's a rare breed in this country. I was thinking of selling some of her kittens to help pay for the wedding..or this place. What do you think?" He knew it was a horrible thing to do, breed his cat for the purposes of money and not for the kittens but it'd work out in the end. They'd go to good homes and they'd get to keep a few. It's not like they treated her unfairly.

Dean hummed thoughtfully and closed his eyes. "I've got this place covered, it wasn't exactly cheap but I have my ways. Why don't we put it toward the wedding?" Dean was interested in the whole cat breeding idea, and he knew that people would pay a lot of money for certain breeds. "Don't you have to find her a mate of the same breed, so they're purebred?" Dean wondered.

Castiel nodded with a knowing grin. "Crowley's an expert. His mom used to own one. You know, he told me that when we first met?" he chuckled at the thought. It'd been so long ago. "Anyways, he knows someone who might have one up in the city." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "I've only just briefly talked to Crowley about it but I think he said with this kinda thing the guy would want like 10% of what we make from them or something."

"That's good," Dean agreed, "And the 10% seems fair, I think." Dean had never had any pets before, but he liked animals and cats were nice, and he had to admit kittens were about the cutest damn thing on the planet. The whole process seemed interesting, but Dean didn't know much about it. "How many kittens do you think she could have?" Dean asked, not knowing how big an average litter was.

Castiel shrugged a little. "I don't know. I think like, four?" He wasn't sure. He'd have to look more into it but he was sure with Crowley and the vets help they'd know enough to get through it. "I'll look into it next weekend when Crowley gets back from whatever trip he's on at the moment." He kissed Dean and sighed. "Maybe kittens would be good practise for our own babies," he hinted with a small grin.

Dean giggled and nosed against Castiel's jaw, pressing a kiss to the underside of his chin. "Maybe," he murmured, "Cats and humans aren't really all that different, you know." He teased, running his fingers through Castiel's soft hair and sighing contentedly. "But we don't have to lick them and I doubt we'll have a litter."

Castiel chuckled at that. "Yeah, babies probably sleep as much as cats do." He grinned at Dean, tracing one of his nipples absently. "I'd really like one though. Maybe two. I think we could do it. I think we'd be amazing parents."

Dean's breath hitched a little as Castiel's finger circled around his nipple, and he squeezed his arm a little. "I'd like that too," he agreed softly. "We'll start out with kittens and someday, after we're married and our lives are more stable, we'll be ready to be parents." He thought for a moment and then spoke questioningly, "Do you think we should adopt, or get a surrogate mother?"

Castiel hummed happily at the thought of having a family with Dean. The thought of coming home from work to find Dean with kittens around his ankles and a baby in his arms made him giggle a little. "A surrogate," Castiel answered straight away. "I want our kids to look like you. Growing up with two dads will be hard enough. At least we can say they are ours and not have the pressure of adoption on top of that."

Dean nodded in agreement. "Okay. They have this procedure where we could combine our sperm and use it to fertilize the egg in the mother's body so there's an equal chance of which one will reach the egg. I think we should do that." Dean kissed Castiel's nose. "I'm really excited to be a father with you, Cas. But we need to wait until we're ready, obviously."

Castiel hummed and nodded in excitement. "Yeah. I know, Dean. I don't want to have a child unless we're both emotionally stable. I don't want to create a life to only destroy it in the long haul." He kissed Dean's cheek in return and sighed. "While we're on the subject on our future...I was thinking of going to college next year. It's...it's in New York. I want to be a dancer. I want to apply NYADA."

Dean smiled and hugged Cas close again, kissing him hard on the cheek. "That's great," he said, "I know you can do it. But New York is kind of far, baby." Dean wanted Cas to achieve his dreams, even if it meant he had to stay behind and wait for Cas. They both knew Dean's family didn't have a lot of money and the savings in their bank accounts were all going towards Sam's education, because Sam was smart and worked for it and wanted to be a successful lawyer someday, and he would be.

Castiel smiled sadly. "I know," he said quietly, sitting up onto his knees to look at Dean. "But I'll write and see you in breaks," he said softly, feeling a little nervous and sad about leaving Dean. "Would...would you come with me? If I get an audition? Would you come with me? I could really use the support."

Dean held Castiel's hand and tangled their fingers together gently. "Of course I'll come with you to your audition," he said softly, "I wouldn't miss it for the world. And I'm sure you'll get in, with your talent." Dean didn't know much about dance academies, but he'd seen Castiel dance before and he was incredibly talent, especially since he hadn't taken lessons as a child.

Castiel let out a small breath in relief. "Babe," he breathed in astonishment. "Thank you so much. I love you," he whispered, kissing Dean's lips briefly before moving up to the edge of the bed and grabbed his boxers, putting them on quickly and standing from the bed. "You want me to practise for you?" he asked, voice breathless and nervous.

Dean smiled at Cas and stretched out on the bed, filling the warm spaces Cas had left in the sheets. He propped himself up on the pillow and put his arms behind his head so he could see Cas better. "You already have a piece choreographed? When are auditions?" Dean let his eyes wander over Castiel's body, loving every inch of him.

Castiel shied away a little, shaking his head. "I was hoping if I danced enough you'd tell me what I'm best at," he said sheepishly. Even for West Side Story he'd been told what to do. He'd never choreographed anything in his life. He was really nervous he wouldn't get it right. He cleared his throat awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I..Is that a good idea?"

Dean shrugged and looked back up at Castiel's face apologetically. "I don't know, I'm probably the last person you'd wanna ask for advice on dancing, I don't know any moves and I think you're good at everything, and I wouldn't really know what the audition judges are looking for. Just be yourself and do what feels right." Dean encouraged, standing up and pulling on a pair of sweatpants, not bothering with boxers. He took out Castiel's ipod and held it up. "Do you have a song picked out at least?"

Castiel looked over at Dean with a soft smile and took the iPod. "I've no idea," he said honestly, making a small noise in irritation. "Dean, I-I don't know what I'm doing. Fuck. I can't..I can't do this." He shook his head. "What am I thinking? I..I can't do this. Shit. Dean. I-I-I...I need help."

Dean stepped up to Cas and put his hands on his shoulders, drawing him into a hug. "Hey, relax. You're fine, Cas. You're amazing and I know you can do this. You've got so much natural talent and you put so much emotion into your dancing. You're going to be great no matter what."

Castiel smiled a little, relaxing into the embrace. "Thanks bubba," Castiel hummed, stroking down Dean's stomach. "But..I..I don't know what to pick for my audition piece. I-I-I mean...do I go slow with this? Or do I give a fast and energetic performance?"

Dean chuckled quietly at the new nickname and pressed a kiss to Castiel's temple. "Maybe both?" He wondered, "I know a few songs that start out slower and then suddenly turn faster and more energetic. I think that would give your performance a more dynamic, exciting progression." Dean took Castiel's iPod back and looked through his songs, but he didn't have the one Dean had in mind. He searched around for his own iPod and found the song quickly. "Just listen to this and tell me what you think," Dean said, playing the song and sitting back on the edge of the bed.

Castiel listened to the song being played on the iPod, Evanscence's Lost in Paradise. He couldn't help but smile and nod his head. He began dancing a little in time to the beat. Moving around to flow with music. Become the music. He span around casually, moving his hips experimentally. He let his eyes slip closed and tried to get into the music.

Dean watched as Castiel listened to the song, his entire body breathing and perfectly in sync with the music as he moved gracefully around the room during the slow beginning to the song, and as the song's percussion and rhythm became more noticeable Castiel went with it too, following the rise and fall of each note and just melting into it so easily. It was amazing to watch and it took Dean's breath away.

Castiel hummed, letting his body move with the music until everything seemed to stop dead. Castiel almost chocked on air, dropping to his knees as his eyes filled with tears. He grunted in pain, cursing under his breath when he wasn't coughing his lungs up. His thighs ached and throbbed painfully. Castiel had spun at the wrong angel, causing his leg to twist and strain the muscles in his thigh. He gripped the foot of the bed and pulled himself up a bit, trying to get on the bed.

When Cas fell to his knees and started coughing violently, Dean jumped to his feet and grabbed Castiel around the waist to help him up so he was sitting on the bed beside Dean. "Cas, what happened?" Dean asked worriedly, his heart pounding hard in anxiety. Cas had been doing some amazing dancing and then he just stopped and fell to the ground coughing, and he looked pale and his face was tight with pain.

Castiel grimaced, rubbing his thigh as he leant heavily against Dean. "I overdid it," he gritted out. His wounds had healed but it had been a long and slow recovery to actually getting back to normal. He still had to stretch and run everyday to make sure he kept on top of things. He hadn't danced as much since he'd been away from Dean. He hadn't realized just how much of a strain it had put on his body. "I'll be fine. J-Just came as a shock is all," he said, feeling really exposed right now and grabbed for the bed sheet, trying to cover up his body a bit.

Dean noticed Cas pulling at the bed sheet and Dean pulled it towards Cas and tugged it up over his shoulders and then looked down at the way Cas was holding his leg and rubbing the muscle of his thigh. "Babe, you want some ice or something?" Dean offered, wanting to be helpful in some way. He looked at Cas in concern and stroked his hair gently, turning his face to look at him. "That was amazing, you know. Just don't push yourself too much."

Castiel shook his head. "I just need to rest it," he said quietly, still rubbing his leg. He blushed at the way Dean was watching him. He was still only in his boxers and he felt too vulnerable under Dean's gaze. He pulled the bed sheet around him to hide his legs from Dean's view. "Thanks," he whispered. "I guess I just need to practise more. Stretch my limits slowly." He looked over at Dean with a small smile before averting his gaze. "You don't have to sit here with me. I'll be fine," he said, feeling panicky and out of control again. Now that he couldn't walk without Dean's help for the moment, he didn't like the fact he was sat in his underwear beside the other. It's not that he didn't trust Dean. He just wasn't ready to let his guard down that quickly. Even after being so intimate with Dean the night before.

Dean looked at Cas worriedly and then slowly moved away from him, sensing that Cas really didn't want him there beside him. It hurt and Dean felt rejected and uncomfortable, so he awkwardly stood up and walked across the room to stare out the window. He kept his back turned to Cas and didn't look at him, feeling like he'd done something wrong and was the cause of the sudden tension between them. What had gone wrong? Just an hour ago they were holding each other in bed after sharing an intense orgasm with each other. Dean's shoulders were tense and he leaned on the kitchen counter, gripping it tightly with both hands.

Castiel could only sigh as Dean moved away. He wanted to reach out and tell him to come back but he couldn't do that. He couldn't risk being taken advantage of. Even if he trusted Dean with his life. He still had intimacy issues that needed to be worked through. He'd managed to get there but to keep it up was straining and something, again he'd have to practise and would hopefully get better over time. Castiel spent a long time, carefully massaging his legs. Standing, walking a little before sitting back down and massaging and stretching the muscles. It took a good hour or so until he felt comfortable enough to walk further around. He sighed, first order of business. Dean. He went over to Dean who hadn't moved since going to look out the window. He sat on the kitchen counter beside him, wearing a pair of sweatpants. "I'm sorry," he whispered, looking out the window with Dean.

Dean stayed right where he was for a very long time, still as a statue with his shoulders hunched, standing at the kitchen sink in nothing but a pair of boxers. Cas was moving around the room behind him, and Dean's entire body was tuned in to every movement Cas made. Eventually, Cas came up to him and hopped up on the counter beside him, and Dean looked over at him cautiously after a moment with a tight smile. "It's fine," he said, "I just didn't know what to do. Sorry if it was something I did, Cas."

Castiel felt his chest tighten. He shook his head and rested a hand on Dean's shoulder. "Oh bubba, it's not your fault. It's...it's mine," he sighed, moving his hand away and lowered his head to look at his hands in his lap. "I..I felt out of control. I couldn't walk and..it freaked me out. I thought..I thought if something happened. I you..not that you would but if you did. I wouldn't be able to get away. And that scared me." He knew he was being ridiculous but couldn't help it. "I'm sorry. It's just really hard..getting used to this again."

Dean sighed and nodded, looking down at his hands again. "Yeah, I get it. You felt vulnerable and defenseless and you panicked. It's okay." Dean knew Cas trusted him, but this hurt a bit and Dean had to try not to take it personally. "I just thought things were starting to get back to normal." Dean felt a bit let down, especially after the night they'd shared and he felt like Cas was disappointed in him.

"I know," Castiel whispered, biting his lip anxiously. "A-And I think they are. I still want to hold you at night and be intimate with you," he assured quietly, resting a hand over Dean's chest, pulling him close so he stood between his legs with his back still to him. "But..this is just the first step. The other's are going to be just as hard. I can't just go back to normal now that we've had sex. It doesn't work that way. I wish it did but it doesn't."

Dean let Cas pull him closer, but he kept his hands down and his gaze cast at the floor. He was rested between Castiel's legs, his back and the back of his neck and head exposed fully to Cas in a show of submission. "Just... Can you just tell me? Whenever you're not comfortable with something I'm doing could you just straight out tell me? I can usually read you pretty well but I'm not so good at this guessing game."

Castiel nodded but realized Dean couldn't see him. "I promise," he said sincerely. "I'm sorry to have to put you though all this." He cupped Dean's cheek carefully and tilted his head enough so Dean could face him. "I do love you, you know. And I trust you..very much," he murmured quietly. "I just need more time to get used to everything," he said, pressing a light kiss to the corner of Dean's mouth.

Dean twisted his head around and looked up at Cas over his shoulder. He smiled softly and put his own hand over Castiel's to show him the feelings were reciprocated and Cas was forgiven. "I don't doubt that you love me," he said quietly, "I have so much faith in you, Cas." Dean closed his eyes as Cas gently kissed the corner of his mouth. "And I love you more than anything, Cas. I would die for you. I'll do anything you need to feel better about things."

Castiel smiled sadly. He hoped it never had to come to the point where Dean had to die for him but the point still stood. He turned his hand over a little so he could hold Dean's hand in his. "Thank you." He rested his forehead against Dean's temple and sighed softly, pressing his lips against the shell of Dean's ear. "You have school tomorrow. Let's just get back home. You should spend some time with your brother. He'll be worried."

Dean closed his eyes and leaned against Cas. They stayed that way for a moment, just breathing, before Dean sighed and nudged his nose against Castiel's cheek. "Fuck school," he mumbled unhappily, "There's no point. I've got more important things to worry about." Work, for one. He needed to put in some more hours if he wanted to save up enough money for their wedding next winter, and school seemed very pointless now.

Castiel shook his head. "Dean, no," he said firmly. "You've got to finish school. I know it's hard but without graduating high school you'll struggle for work in the future. In our future." He kissed Dean's cheek and rubbed his shoulder gently. "Please, for me?" he pleaded with a soft tone.

Dean nodded and looked into Castiel's eyes. "Yeah, I'm gonna finish school, it'd be stupid to drop out now when I'm almost done. I'll graduate, and then I'll work full time somewhere, and eventually with my high school diploma I could probably find a job that pays more than minimum wage." Dean rested his hand gently on Castiel's knee and turned around to face him so he was standing between Castiel's legs, his waist bracketed by Castiel's knees. He looked up into blue eyes earnestly. "I didn't mean to freak you out, babe," he murmured, "I was just complaining. School's not really my strongest point and I have better strengths elsewhere."

Castiel nodded and smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Dean," he said sincerely, pressing his hand to Dean's cheek when the other turned around. "I just don't want you to regret not finishing, that's all." He kissed Dean's forehead tenderly and stroked a hand through his hair. "Come on, we'll get dressed. Go home and maybe when you come back from school we can come back out here to put some stuff in our new home."

Dean smiled and leaned into Castiel's touch slightly, still looking up at him. "Okay," he agreed, stepping back to give Cas room to jump down. "How's your leg?" He asked, looking at Castiel's strained leg. He was wearing sweatpants now, like Dean, and there was no way of telling if it was swelled up or anything. Dean grabbed his shirt off the ground and slipped it on, briefly making up the bed so it would look a little nicer for when they came back.

Castiel carefully slid off the kitchen counter and limped a little into the other room to retrieve his shirt. He put on his shirt as Dean asked him a question. "Um, yeah. Should be okay in a day or two. Just need to stay off it really," he shrugged, not wanting Dean to fuss. He looked around for his motorcycle keys and snatched them up before holding out his hand for Dean. "Come on, babe. Let's get you home."

Dean nodded and grabbed his iPod from the counter in the kitchen. He took Castiel's hand and stepped outside with him to the motorcycle, and he sat on it behind Cas and tentatively wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist, watching his reaction carefully. The last thing he wanted was for Cas to feel trapped and nervous, but Dean really didn't want to fall off the back of the motorcycle once they started moving.

Castiel gave Dean a timid smile once they were on the motorcycle. He understood Dean had to hold onto him but he didn't seem to mind too much. He just focussed on driving. He got them back to Dean's and he sat hesitantly on the motorcycle, looking up at the house. He didn't want to go in. Dean barely spent time with his family and he felt guilty for that so he just kissed Dean and said goodbye before heading off home. To his beloved Amber.

Dean headed inside after Castiel dropped him off and found Sam and Ruby sitting on the couch in the living room, watching Tv. When he walked farther into the room he noticed John sitting in his old armchair in the corner, and what thy were watching on Tv was a baseball game. They all seemed to be interacting just fine, the three of them completely comfortable with each others presence, and Dean felt out of place and awkward. He stepped back, hoping they hadn't noticed him, and slipped upstairs to be alone. He hated this, he wished that his dad could just accept Cas and treat him as we'll as he treated Ruby, but Dean knew it wouldn't happen. And that hurt.

Castiel showered, rubbed down his aching legs and looked at the scars for a moment. He hated this. The constant reminder of what his elder brother had done to him. "He'll be gone again soon," an English purr of a voice reminded him. Castiel almost jumped out of his skin, tightening his grip around his towel and grabbed for the bat beneath his bed. For his part, Balthazar remained still, simply cocked his head as he observed his brother. Or what he presumed to be his brother. "My, how you've grown," Balthazar said, the lack of sneer confused Castiel for a moment. It took a moment to register that this was indeed his brother. "As have you," he said cautiously, still holding the bat in his hand. Balthazar had glasses, thick black frames which shaped his angular face. A simple blue v-neck hugged his toss and matched the colour of the peculiar looking package in his hand.

"Why are you here?" Castiel asked, a little coldly. Balthazar didn't take offence. He deserved it really after all he'd done to his baby brother. He may not be as bad as Lucifer but that was no excuse. He'd scarred his brother and he was here to make amends. "To wish my brother a Happy Birthday," he said softly, holding out the gift like it were a sacred scroll for Castiel's eyes only. Castiel looked at him curiously, swallowing dryly. "What about your other brother?" Castiel said, not quite believing Balthazar's sincerity. If he was truly sorry. He'd understand Jimmy needed an apology too. Even if he was no longer amongst the living. "Freshly cut roses..à la Novak," Balthazar said, holding out his palm to reveal a bandage covering up a wound from where he'd cut his hand to colour the roses. "Both of you have bled far too much for this family. I think it were time I payed my debts." Castiel looked at him curiously before understanding. "Thank you," he nodded, looking at the small package in his hand. "What about Gabriel?" Castiel asked, looking back at his brother who was trying not to look around the room and imagine what exactly had happened.

"He joined the army," Balthazar said, snapping his attention back to Castiel. "Father is tending to Lucifer's lawyers for the trial and well, I thought I'd come by before this mess begins to say..I'm sorry." Balthazar looked sincere and about ten years older, like this nagging doubt of bullying his brother had been bothering him for years. "I'm aware mum might not be back in time for the beginning of the trial but I will be and so will Michael. We'll help you through this, Cassie. I promise." Castiel felt a little surge of victory had been achieved within a matter of minutes. Years of distress and angst relieved by just a few words because, well, life was too short to ignore those willing to change. "Thank you, Balth," Castiel said, putting the present on his desk and hesitantly reached out to shake his brother's hand. A new start. A new beginning. And hopefully one for the better.


	50. Chapter 50

Dean kicked his shoes off and then headed straight for the shower. He stood under the hot spray for a long time, letting the water soothe the tension under his skin. He knew it wasn't her fault, but Dean hated Ruby in this moment. He hated her for being free to sit down there and watch fucking baseball with Sam while John was right in the room. There was nothing wrong with that picture, a boy and his beautiful girlfriend having some nice bonding time with the boy's father, but Dean couldn't experience the same ease and comfort that his brother did, only because he was in love with another boy. Dean didn't care about what his father thought, but the most he asked for was acceptance and John couldn't even give him that.

Castiel asked Balthazar to wait downstairs. He got changed, making sure to hide his scars and anything reminding him of his old life. Having Balthazar back was enough for now. He didn't exactly want to go down memory lane tonight. It was 12:04 and he wanted to enjoy his 18th. He headed downstairs in a hoodie and some sweatpants and made himself and Balthazar some hot chocolate. They talked for about an hour. Mainly catching up and talking about what'll happen next. With the trial. Gabriel on tour. Their father. It was sort of reassuring in a way. To have someone else other than Dean to talk about these things. He rarely saw Michael with him being so far away. Balthazar had seemed to change for the better and Castiel was going to take full advantage of that. He let Balthazar have Sam's room for now and they went to sleep, Castiel sleeping a little easier now that his mind had settled on a few things.

After Dean got out of the shower, he went straight to bed and fell asleep almost immediately, not even caring or knowing what time it was. He forced himself to think of nothing as he fell asleep, because he knew that if he let his thoughts wander he'd never get to sleep. It worked, and when he next opened his eyes it was a sunny Monday morning, and he had to get up for school.

Castiel awoke in the morning to the smell of bacon. He looked at the empty space in the bed next to him and frowned in confusion for a moment. Dean wasn't here. Then who the hell was making bacon? Ah, yes. Balthazar. He slowly got out of bed and stretched, putting on a pair of skinny jeans and a white t-shirt that was too small for him now and stretched over his muscled torso. He padded downstairs to see Balthazar cooking breakfast for them. Amber curled up on the kitchen counter, watching Balthazar curiously. Like she could remember him but couldn't place the face. They spent the morning together, eating breakfast. Balthazar talked through the trial with him. He told Castiel what dad had said to Lucifer about how they were defending him which gave Castiel a visual on what sort of questions the lawyers would ask him in court. It was something a normal family wouldn't talk about on a kid's birthday but Castiel was 18 now. And the discussion meant one less thing to worry about. Tonight he'd have his party and it would mean less emotional trauma when he got drunk. Less emotions to bubble to the surface because he'd dealt with some of them now.

Dean didn't have time to stop by Castiel's house on the way to school, so he sent him a text instead that said 'happy birthday to my sexy boy xoxo". The school day dragged on miserably, and Dean skipped out of his last class to stop by the cabin and make sure everything was ready for later that night. He'd gotten some of Castiel's favorite foods, a bottle of expensive red wine that he'd taken from his dad's supply, and the biggest surprise of all was an engagement ring that had nearly drained his bank account after the house decorating, but it was worth it and it was important.

Castiel spent most of the day just chilling with his brother. He knew he'd be hanging out with Dean later so he thought he'd give his brother the chance to show how much he'd changed while he could. He presumed he'd be hanging around for a while anyway but it'd be nice to at least spend the day with his brother. Speaking of which, Castiel managed to convince Balthazar to go see Jimmy again with him. He was reluctant to go to a graveyard again so soon but he eventually complied, taking Castiel there. He spent a good hour talking to his brother about Dean. The trial. Everything. He wished him happy birthday and added a bloody rose to his grave, along with Balthazar's. They went home and Castiel waited for Dean. Balthazar went out to catch up with some old friends.

Dean hadn't gotten Castiel any other birthday present besides the ring, because it was so expensive and meaningful and he knew that anything else he could buy wouldn't be anything compared to the engagement ring. It looked similar to the one Cas had given Dean, and had the words "take my whole life too" engraved in Dean's careful handwriting on the inside, and it was sitting in a small black satin ring box on the mantel of the fireplace beside the framed picture of them. When Dean was confident everything was ready, he drove to Castiel's house and let himself in. He found Cas in the living room, and he jumped on the couch beside him and hugged him. "Happy birthday!" He exclaimed, planting a kiss on each cheek.

Castiel forgot Dean had a key and almost shat himself when he suddenly jumped on the couch and hugged him. "Dean!" he grinned, wrapping his arms back around Dean. "Thanks. It's good to see you." He didn't know why he'd said that. They'd seen each other yesterday. Maybe with Balthazar coming back it felt like they'd just started dating. When they had to sneak around. "Balthazar came over," he beamed. "Said he was sorry and came to wish both myself and Jimmy a Happy Birthday."

Dean backed up a little and looked at Castiel suspiciously. "Balthazar's here?" He asked warily, images of the blond bastard following Gabriel around and both of them beating up on Cas. "Is he... he's not still an asshole, is he? No offense." Dean hadn't seen Balthazar in ages, since Gabriel had attempted to kill Castiel.

"He's out right now," Castiel said, with a small shrug. Maybe Castiel was just a pushover but he really felt like Balthazar had changed and deserved a second chance. "He seems kinder. Gabriel's in the army now. I guess without him around he just doesn't feel that need anymore, you know? Anyway he's been a big help with the trial. He's actually helping. That's gotta mean something, right?"

Dean nodded uncertainly and then shrugged. "As long as you're okay with him being here," he said, kissing Castiel's cheek. "Let's get going, I think everyone else is already there." Dean had planned a little something at a club in the city that was pretty popular, and he'd already managed to convince the bartender to serve them drinks even though they were underage, and all it had taken was a little bribe.

Castiel grinned, kissing Dean's cheek. "I still wished you'd tell me where we were going," he said excitedly, get up with Dean to head out to his car. He could feel the nerves and excitement bubble up in his chest and he held onto Dean's hand tightly once they were in the car. "You're not going to blindfold me are you?" he teased, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Not unless you want me to," Dean teased back, grinning at Cas as he buckled his seat belt and started the engine. "I don't want it to look like I'm kidnapping you or anything." He pulled out of the driveway and headed to the city, a smile on his face. This was Castiel's 18th birthday, and Dean wanted to make sure it was a good one. After about 20 minutes on the road, they pulled up in the crowded parking lot of the popular club, The Devil's Heaven.

Castiel chuckled, putting on his own seatbelt and sighed happily, watching the world pass outside the window. He soon noted that they were in the city and outside a club he'd heard about at school. He looked at Dean curiously. He'd only ever been in clubs in Europe because the drinking laws where lower. "What are we doing here?" he asked excitedly, getting out the car and going around to hold Dean's hand.

"Enjoying the night life of our city," he replied, smiling at Cas and twining their fingers together. "This place has a good reputation, and I made a little arrangement with the head bartender. The staff knows we're coming and they'll serve us without asking for an ID. I invited a few of our friends, too." Dean led the way up the steps to the door, where a large security guard was blocking their entrance. Dean waved at him and the man nodded, letting them pass through. Dean had to admit he was proud of this feat, he didn't think he'd be able to pull it off, even though kids did this kind of thing all the time and Dean didn't want to mess around with fake IDs.

Castiel couldn't believe it when they got inside without having to cue or show IDs. He pulled Dean in for a deep kiss once they were inside. "This is amazing!" he beamed, hugging Dean tightly. He dragged him over to the bar and ordered two whiskey shots. He picked up one of the glasses and held it up to clink against Dean's lightly before chugging the contents back, ignoring the slight burn in his throat. "Woo," he breathed, setting the glass down and just looked around. The place had a nice atmosphere. It had good music. Not proper club music where you couldn't here anything. Descent music that everyone knew the words to and was quiet enough in some areas if you wanted to just sit down and chill. It was perfect.

Dean grinned and kissed Castiel back, one arm going around his waist almost absently as they kissed. He laughed as Castiel immediately headed straight for the bar and ordered some shots, already seeming right at home in the club. They clinked glasses and downed their shots at the same time and then set them back on the bar counter, and Dean spotted some of their friends already there; Anna and Jonathan had come and were standing close together. She was wearing a bright pink and orange salsa dress and a black leather jacket, and Jonathan was resting his arm around her shoulders as they talked to a few other people, Meg, Bela and a few others. Dean led Cas over to them, causing a cheer to erupt from the little group.

Castiel grinned as they saw their friends and Castiel blushed a little as they all cheered, bringing attention to him. "Hey guys!" he grinned. Meg instantly put her arm around him and steered him back towards the bar. "Don't hey guys us. You aren't drunk yet. Now that's a serious issue." He could see Bela smirking and he couldn't help but laugh. "Well what do you propose we do about that?" Castiel played along. Meg laughed, ordering tequila shots. Three for Castiel and two for herself and Bela. Castiel rolled his eyes. "Dean told you about the accent didn't he?" Meg just laughed. "Something like that. Said you're more entertaining drunk." Castiel snorted, "Charming." He did all three tequilas with salt and lemon and got a cheer from Meg and Bela once he was done. He grinned as he felt the alcohol pool in his system.

Dean laughed as Castiel was dragged back over to the bar by Meg and Bela, leaving Dean standing with Anna and Jonathan. Anna was glowing with excitement and she looked very pretty, and Dean noticed the way Jonathan kept looking at her and smiling. "So, are you two dating yet?" He asked, a playful smile on his face. Anna blushed and glanced up at Jonathan, who put an arm around her waist and pulled her close beside him. "Yes," he said proudly, and Anna giggled and hid her face in his shoulder. Dean grinned and gave Jonathan a thumbs up before wandering off into the crowd, looking for anyone else he knew.

Five more shots later and Castiel was drunk. He looked around helplessly for Dean and made a face in horror. "Dean?" he called out quietly. "Dean!" he called out louder, beginning to panic. "Where's my Dean?!" Meg and Bela just watched him in amusement, leaning against each other casually. "I'm...I'm," Castiel began, quietly before bursting out into song. "All by myself. Don't wanna be, all by myself anymore." Meg snorted out a laugh and handed him another shot. He took it before continuing to sing this time with his flawless English accent. "Dean! Where are you my darling?"

Dean eventually found Corbett and he surprised him by running up and hug-tackling him from behind. Corbett stumbled forward and then turned around in confusion, his face lighting up when he saw it was Dean. "Dean! Hey, I want you to meet someone." Corbett grabbed another guy by the arm and turned him around to face Dean. "This is Jason, he goes to college with my brother. Jace, this is Dean, a friend from school." Dean shook hands with Jason and looked him up and down curiously. He was about Dean's height with short, curly brown hair and dark brown eyes, his jaw and chin stubbled lightly. He didn't look threatening, which was good considering he was older, and there was a friendliness in his eyes that Dean instantly liked. He smiled at him and then gave Corbett a questioning look.

Meg was in hysterics and so were a few of the people around them. Castiel was too far gone to realize he was bothering people but they seemed to just take it in their stride. Castiel winked at Meg and Bela. "I'm gonna be a mighty king," Castiel began to sing, chugging back his drink. "So enemies beware." Meg scoffed chugging down her own drink before scowling. "Well, I've never seen a king of beasts with quite so little hair." Castiel grinned continuing to sing. "I'm gonna be the mane event. Like no king was before. I'm brushing up on looking down. I'm working on my roar." Meg snapped back, singing along too amused by Castiel to stop. "Thus far, a rather uninspiring thing." Castiel stood up and held out his arms in triumph. "Oh I just can't wait to be king!" Meg and Bela cheered. Bela joining in with Meg and Castiel to sing until they were all laughing too much to finish the song. Castiel grinning ridiculously before he remembered why he was upset. "I can't be a king without my queen," he gasped, voice English again. "Darling?! Dean where are you my lady?" he called out, the bartender giving him an odd look.

Corbett looked over at Jason and shrugged. "Friends," he explained, causing Jason to elbow him playfully in the ribs. "Hey, Dean, wanna go get a drink with us?" Dean nodded and the three of them walked towards the bar. It took a few minutes for them to navigate through the crowd of dancing people. When they reached the bar, Dean groaned as Corbett leaned on him and laughed hysterically. Castiel was the center of attention, extremely drunk and looking like he was acting out a dramatic monologue from a Shakespearean play.

Castiel could see Dean just about and beamed, clapping his hands together and pointed at his fiancé. "There's my queen!" he cried out happily, running over to Dean, bumping into a few people as he went, apologizing under his breath. He made it to Dean and grinned ecstatically. "Baby hold onto me," he whispered, pushing Corbett away lightly and wrapped his arms around Dean's waist to help support himself. "Whatever will be, will be." He was supposed to be singing Baby hold on but found himself just whispering it to Dean like it was a secret. "The future is ours to see. Baby hold on to me."

Dean rolled his eyes and caught Cas, holding him up so he didn't lose his balance and fall down. He made a face at Cas and held him securely, Castiel's tequila-scented breath ghosting warm and moist over his skin. Dean glared at Meg and Bela, giving them the 'this is all your fault' look and he laughed quietly at Castiel's whispered singing. "Come on, babe, let's find you someplace to sit down. How much did you drink, anyway?" Dean helped Cas over to a couch in the lounge area and sat him down on it.

Castiel just let Dean guide him and sat down on the couch with him. "Ahh dunno," he slurred with a loopy grin. He shifted a little so he straddled Dean's lap. "How are you so sexy?" he asked as if this would answer Dean's question. His insecurities about intimacy way gone as the alcohol just took over. "Does unmake you. I have given such, and know how tender 'tis to love the babe that milks me," Castiel quoted mistaking Macbeth for Romeo and Juliet. Easy mistake to make when drunk and distracted by Dean's cheekbones. "I would, while it was smiling in my face. Have pluck'd my nipple from the boneless gums, And dash'd the brains out, had i so sworn. As you have done to this."

Dean's eyes widened in surprise as Castiel straddled him, settling heavily on his lap and accidentally digging a knee into Dean's crotch. Dean hissed slightly and shifted under Cas, grabbing both of his legs and rearranging him so the pressure was more comfortable. Dean just stared at Cas in disbelief, a smile growing wide on his face as he listened to Castiel's words. "What are you even talking about?" Dean laughed in amusement. "This is too funny. Hang on..." Dean took his phone out of his pocket and started taking a video. "Can't wait to show this to you in the morning. Do something, Cas. Talk about breastfeeding some more."

Castiel frowned when Dean laughed. He didn't understand. He had just quoted Romeo and Juliet, hadn't he? "I love you," he explained with a deep frown, pouting at the camera. "Breastfeeding?" he frowned realizing what Dean was talking about. "Oh! No. I was talking about the death Lady MacBeth. She's trying to convince MacBeth to kill Duncan. She's explaining how she'd rather kill her own child than break a promise to him." Castiel look mortified for a moment before grabbing Dean's face, arms either side of the phone. "Bubba. I would never kill our child if I broke a promise to you. I'll make up for that missed date. I'm so sorry." He kissed Dean clumsily, pressing his chest against the phone to reach him before pulling back to look at the camera. "I'm sorry future, Dean. I love you just as much as present Dean," he said, kissing the phone. "Only, he's here and you're there. I don't know. We'll make it work. I'm sure you're just as hot with a thousand wrinkles and grey hair. I bet we're the kind of people that go to the same bench in the park every wednesday and feed the ducks our grandkids." Castiel suddenly snorted out a laugh. "I don't mean..feed the ducks our..." He started laughing again. "We feed them bread. We're not monsters." He had to wipe his eyes to stop the tears from falling. "Anyway," he continued, laughter subsiding. "I bet we're the best old couple ever. We go dancing and watch movies when its raining. I bet we still say 'I love you' and wear our wedding rings with pride even after all that time. Do we future Dean? I bet we do." Castiel had to stop and smile, looking over the phone at Dean. "I bet future Cas will kick your future butt if none of this is true."

Dean just sat back and giggled as Cas went on about the most random things, but his smile softened a little as Cas started talking about their future and making promises. Despite Castiel's drunken slurring, it was incredibly sweet and Dean felt warm and tingly inside. He saved the video for future use, although he was no longer planning to show it to Cas in the morning. He'd save it for a special time, hopefully after Cas had forgotten Dean had taken it. Pocketing the phone, Dean grabbed Cas around the waist and pulled him close for a warm embrace. "God, I love you so much," he murmured into Castiel's shoulder, holding him tight as if they'd just been reunited after years apart.

Castiel giggled, leaning into Dean heavily. "I love you too, bubba," he murmured happily. He squeezed Dean tight and sighed happily. "Let's get another drink," he grinned, pulling Dean up to his feet and over to the bar. He ordered them some more shots with a big loopy grin and finished his shots before they'd even hit the table. "Woo!" he exclaimed. "Dean. This is amazing!"

Dean threw back his shot and held Cas up as he looked like he was going to fall over. "Easy, Cas!" Dean laughed, "You're gonna pass out and I'll have to carry you outside if you don't slow down soon." Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist and stood beside him, both of them leaning heavily on the bar counter. "Happy Birthday, Cas," he murmured into Castiel's ear, giving him a big kiss on the cheek and smiling lovingly.

Castiel laughed, leaning into to Dean's touch. He asked the barman for some water as he felt his head spin a little. He sipped at the water as he just let Dean hold him. "Love you," he murmured happily. "I wanna dance," he beamed, leaning his cheek against Dean's shoulder.

Dean laughed affectionately and bumped his nose against Castiel's cheek. "Dance? You can't even stand up without leaning on me." Dean teased. The music wasn't slow enough for the type of dancing it looked like Cas wanted to do, but Dean led him over to the middle of the crowd nonetheless. Their friends were all dancing and laughing excitedly, drunk and happy. They were all singing along obnoxiously loud and off-key to whatever song was playing. The music was louder out here on the dance floor.

Castiel grinned, going with Dean out to the dance floor and tried to stay upright. "Woo!" he cried out, beginning to sway his hips and move his arms in time to the music. He leant against Dean a lot as he moved, trying to keep himself upright. He was almost grinding against Dean and laughing. A lot. "So hot," Castiel grinned, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck. "Dance for me, baby."

Dean stumbled over his own feet trying to keep Cas upright, and he was laughing breathlessly. Their bodies were pressed close together and their poor attempt at dancing together amused their friends. Dean grinned and rested his hands on Castiel's waist, beginning to sway his hips along with Cas, not quite grinding but pretty close. Dean was feeling a little reckless, so he turned around and slut-dropped down Castiel's body, coming up slowly and then circling him, trailing his hands over Castiel's waist as he went, and when he was behind Cas again he spun him around and cupped the back of Castiel's neck, staring at him intensely and licking his lips. Cas was so beautiful right now, so incredibly stunning in the flashing colored lights of the club, his cheeks flushed, lips parted and eyes wide. Dean just wanted to kiss him and never stop.

Castiel watched as Dean suddenly slut dropped down his body and circled him. He wolf whistled, laughing along with his friends before Dean spun him so they were dancing close. "Fuck," he breathed, pressing his hand against the back of Dean's neck. "So hot," he grinned loonily. "Babe. You need to take me home. Now," he demanded, looking Dean up and down. "I don't want to get thrown out for indecent exposure." He leaned in close, kissing Dean fiercely. "You know, 'cause I'll suck you off on the dance floor," he grinned, laughing excitedly, trying to stay upright.

Dean laughed and bit his lip flirtatiously, tilting his head down and looking at Cas through his lashes. He slid his hands teasingly over Castiel's back and very lightly skimmed his fingers over the strip of exposed skin on Castiel's lower back where his shirt had ridden up slightly. "I won't have sex with you while you're this drunk, Cas. That wouldn't be right." He murmured in Castiel's ear. "However, I can strip for you and I think I'll be the one sucking you off, baby." He kissed Cas and dragged his teeth lightly over Castiel's lower lip.

Castiel whined, pouting sadly with big wide puppy eyes. "But Dean," he murmured sadly. "I want you." He pressed his hand against Dean's chest, his nose nuzzling at Dean's neck. "I want you so bad." His lips pressed against Dean's neck. "I want your mouth. Your body." He trailed his hand down Dean's body and cupped his crotch. "Your...manhood," Castiel snorted, not able to even say the word.

"Cas, seriously..." Dean protested, aware that he was starting to become aroused, and he couldn't help but shiver under Castiel's touch, lips and breath hot and moist on the skin of his neck. How could somebody be so adorable yet absolutely fucking sexy at the same time? And Dean wasn't even that drunk. He stiffened and blushed when Cas palmed his 'manhood' and he quickly grabbed Castiel's hand and moved it back up to his waist, glancing around and hoping nobody had seen. "Jesus, Cas," he breathed, not able to tear his eyes away from Castiel's mouth. He wanted to kiss him so fucking bad. "We can't do anything here," he told him, "And I don't want you to regret anything when you're sober."

Castiel grinned, pressing his hand to Dean's waist when it was led there. "Then take me home," he insisted. He wanted to be able to touch Dean when he could. He should his head. "I won't regret anything. I just want you," he said, stroking Dean's cheek. "Please," he said a little softer. "I just want to go to bed..and make love. Can we do that. Please?"

"Right now?" Dean asked, looking around for someone in their group. He spotted Meg and grabbed her arm, dragging her a little closer. "Hey, I'm gonna take Cas home, he can barely stand up," he said, raising his voice to be heard over the loud music. He turned back to Cas and looked him up and down eagerly. "Okay. I can take you up on that offer." Dean was a little worried about whether or not it was a good idea, but his body was telling him it was. And Cas was pretty damn persuasive. He led Cas out of the club and helped him stumble down the stairs, laughing breathlessly.

Castiel was happy to hear when Dean said they could go. He almost fell down the stairs if it weren't for Dean holding him up. He laughed ridiculously getting to Dean's car. Once they got in the car, Castiel couldn't keep his hands off of Dean. "Fuck. So sexy, Dean," he murmured, running his hands up and down Dean's body, kissing at his neck.

Dean laughed and playfully pushed Castiel's hands away. "Don't distract the driver," he scolded, starting the engine and driving fast out of the parking lot and onto the highway to go back to the cabin. He drove faster than the speed limit, because Castiel was apparently getting impatient and couldn't control his urges, and Dean really didn't want to get distracted and crash the car.

Castiel pouted, making a low whining sound. He pressed his cheek against the car window and continued to pout the whole way home. At least he thought they were going home. He didn't realize where they were until they were there. "Hey! We're at the cabin!" he beamed, laughing happily. "Oh yeah! Love this place, man." He clapped his hands happily and practically ran out the car and into the house, giggling the whole way.

Dean rolled his eyes fondly at Castiel's excitement and followed him into the house. He headed straight for the fireplace, dodging Castiel playfully and then bent over in front of the fire place to get the flames going. The match wouldn't light at first, and it was chilly in the house, and Dean cursed under his breath as his hands fumbled and he had to try again. Eventually he got it and then turned around to look at Cas. "Pretty romantic, right?" He asked in a low, sexy voice. "It's your birthday, Cas. What do you want me to do for you?" He stepped closer and slid his hands over Castiel's waist. "I can get naked and wiggle around in your lap, do you want that? And then I'll give you a blowjob, and when you're all hot and bothered maybe I'll even let you fuck me." He grazed his lips over Castiel's ear, grinning teasingly. "Whatever you want, birthday boy."

Castiel giggled and bounced around the place, dancing to music that wasn't playing. He almost fell over when Dean came up to him and started describing stuff they could do. He hadn't realized he was even drooling a little. "Fuck," he breathed. "I...I want you." He grabbed Dean and kissed him fierce, letting his hands roam over his body, tugging at his shirt. "I want to ride you," he growled breathlessly as he pulled away from Dean, tugging at his lower lip. "God, I have had a good shag in ages," he giggled in his drawl English accent.

Dean made a small surprised moan, muffled by Castiel's mouth as Cas was suddenly on him, wrapped around him. His hands seemed to be everywhere at once but it still wasn't enough, wasn't nearly enough. He pulled Castiel closer so their belt buckles clinked together, and slid his hands down to Castiel's ass, fingers teasing at the waist of his pants. He was already half-hard in his pants and he could feel that Cas was too, and he whimpered quietly, dragging Cas backwards to the bed and shedding his shirt on the way. He fell on his back on the bed and pulled Cas on top of him.

Castiel grinned, let out a soft moan as Dean pushed them closer together. He was already half hard and dying to get on with it. He pulled his own shirt over his head and tossed it aside once he was straddling Dean. "Gonna make you feel so good," he breathed, kissing Dean deeply. "Gonna ride you until you come." Castiel started giggling at his own statement, kissing Dean breathlessly. "You'd like that baby?" he laughed to the point he was nearly in tears. "To abuse my hole?" he growled, although it sounded almost cold and angry. His tears suddenly seeming more angry than from laughter. "Just like the others? You'd fucking like that wouldn't you?" Castiel could feel himself falling apart. He stopped breathing and crying for a moment, just staring at Dean for a moment. "I..oh God. Dean. I'm so sorry," he groaned, rolling off of Dean, his hands covered his face. "Fuck. Dean. I didn't..oh God. I'm so scared." He tilted his head to the side to look at Dean through the gaps in his fingers. "Keep me safe. Please, baby. I can't.. I'm so scared."

Dean grinned up at Cas eagerly, sliding his hands up over Castiel's stomach, and then they were kissing deeply and Dean moaned against Castiel's lips. But suddenly there was something off about Castiel's laughter, he sounded almost insane. As is he were turning into someone else. It quickly progressed into something much worse, and Dean froze, staring up at Cas with wide eyes, all traces of arousal instantly gone and the moment was lost. Something was horribly wrong, Dean had let himself lose control and he was going to actually have sex with Cas while he was drunk and Dean wasn't as drunk, and it was because Cas said he wanted it. He didn't dare take his eyes off Cas, even as he rolled off of Dean and lay on the bed beside him, hiding his face and trembling violently. It was too soon, and Cas wasn't ready. Dean sat up cross-legged on the bed and pulled Castiel's head into his lap, letting him curl his body around Dean and he just stroked his hair gently. "Shhh," he soothed, "Cas, it's okay. You're alright, nothing's going to happen. I'm here, you're safe. Shh," he murmured gently, feeling horribly guilty and regretful that he'd actually listened to Cas. Cas was drunk, and he obviously wasn't making good judgments and Dean should've known it was too soon to just rush into it like this, especially when one of them was drunk and they were both too desperately horny.

Castiel let Dean move him so he was lying in his lap. He tried to calm down, breathing deeply through his nose. He couldn't believe he was actually going to have sex with Dean like this. He was drunk and his judgement was off. How could he let Dean have sex with him. He wasn't ready for that. No way ready. "I'm so sorry," he mumbled into Dean's stomach. "I-I hope you're not angry. I'm not trying to lead you on." He sat up looking at Dean wide eyed. "I swear. Please don't be mad." He kissed Dean, trying to reassure him. "Please don't be mad. I'll make it up to you. I promise."

Dean gently held Castiel's face and stared into his tear-filled eyes. "Baby, I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at myself," he said softly, "This is my fault. I shouldn't have let this happen, you can barely think straight right now." He kissed Castiel's face gently, slowly, showing him that he wasn't angry at him and that he was sorry. He kissed Castiel's forehead, eyelids, cheeks, the tip of his nose, but not his lips, not wanting to startle Cas too much in his vulnerable state even though Cas had just kissed him on the lips a moment ago. He just wanted to comfort him and hold him and make everything okay again, but the scars from Castiel's past would take much longer to heal completely and every time something like this happened it was like ripping the scab off. "I promise I'm not angry, Cas. Please don't feel bad about this, it's not your fault. I should've just said no."

Castiel shook his head. "Not your fault, love," he assured, letting Dean tenderly pepper kisses over his face. "I shouldn't have drunk so much." He sighed heavily, using Dean as leverage to wiggle out of his pants and socks. "I just wanna go to bed," he sighed frustratedly, slipping under the covers to try and feel comfier. He peeled the other corner of the duvet over in invitation for Dean. "With you. I want you close. I want to feel safe," he said softly, reaching out for Dean with grabby hands.

Dean sighed sadly and took off his pants and socks as well, and crawled under the covers beside Cas, pulling him close. He gently pushed Cas until he rolled over and Castiel's back was pressed warmly against Dean's chest, and Dean put his arms around Cas and buried his nose in the other's hair on the back of his head. Their bodies fit together like puzzle pieces and Dean pressed a kiss to the back of Castiel's neck. "I'll keep you safe," he promised, "Go to sleep, Cas. Everything will be better tomorrow."

Castiel fell asleep comfortably in Dean's arms. His body sagged and he was no longer crying. "Night," he mumbled with a soft yawn. "I love you." After that he fell asleep. His drunk mind spinning into darkness until all his worries drowned out into darkness. His whole body limp in Dean's arms as he fell almost instantly into a deep sleep.

"I love you too," Dean whispered, kissing Castiel's neck again and holding him close with his arms circled around him securely The blanket was pulled up high and the fireplace was crackling softly in the background, casting a gentle warm glow over the cabin and making it feel safe and cozy, and Dean hoped Cas was feeling the same about it now. Cas fell asleep soon, and Dean stayed awake for a little longer, just thinking of ways to help Castiel feel better, and he figured right now he was doing the best he could; simple physical comfort and skin on skin touch, which was extremely calming when it was needed.

Castiel awoke in the morning to a pounding in his head. He groaned audibly, opening his eyes a little to the dim light coming through the curtains. He could hear rain pounding down on the roof and he groaned tiredly. "Dean," he called out, voice rough and emotionally strained. He turned over in his sleep to find Dean pressed against the pillows and fast asleep. He didn't want to wake him so he padded out of bed and to the dying fire to add more heat. Upon doing so, he leant against the mantlepiece as his head continued to throb with his hangover. He had to squint to see it but there was a small box on the side that hadn't been there before, next to their picture. He picked it up and looked it over once before opening the box. A silver ring sat inside and Castiel almost dropped it, falling to the floor in horror. He'd gasped sharply, snapping the lid shut and placing the box on the floor and crawled away from it. No. This wasn't happening. "Oh God," he breathed. Dean had..he couldn't..oh God. Now he'd ruined it. "Shit."

Dean startled awake when he heard a loud thump, and he sat up quickly and looked around in confusion. Castiel had gotten out of bed and was sitting on the floor with a terrified look on his face, and Dean gave him a worried look. After last night, Dean had no idea how Cas would be feeling or if he'd even remembered any of it. Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, he set his bare feet on the cold hardwood floor and rubbed his eyes. "Cas, you okay?" He asked carefully.

He heard Dean get up and he mentally cursed for being so hungover and clumsy and...oh god. They'd done it, hadn't they. He remembered straddling Dean and kissing him and talking about riding him and..shit. He wiggled his hips a little, not caring how weird he must have looked. He frowned in confusion. He didn't feel different. He looked up at Dean with a frown. "We didn't have sex?" he asked, still tired and just confused. The ring box was still sat on the floor in front of him. But that was something he'd address in a minute.

Dean sighed and shook his head, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "No, we didn't. You were really drunk. Do you remember anything from last night?" He looked at Castiel worriedly and then noticed the ring box sitting on the floor in front of him, and Dean bit his lip. That was probably what had woken him up, Castiel's reaction to it. Dean carefully stood up and shuffled across the floor to the kitchen area to pour a glass of cold water. He handed it to Cas and sat cross-legged on the floor beside him, looking down at his hands silently.

Castiel let out a breath in relief. He hadn't realized he was shaking a little until Dean handed him the water. He sat on his knees and sipped at the water carefully, holding the glass to his lips so it wouldn't spill. "I remember drinking and dancing," he said vaguely, although he couldn't remember details. "I remember coming here but not what we did." He took a big gulp of water before saying. "I'm sorry I ruined your thing..." he said, nodding towards the box that laid between them. "Our night. Just..everything. I'm so sorry, Dean." He put the glass on the floor and hung his head to look down at his lap.

Dean scooted a little closer to Cas and sat beside him. He wrapped his arms around Cas and pulled him close to his side so Cas could rest his head on Dean's shoulder. "Cas, it's alright," he murmured, kissing his forehead. If Cas didn't remember what had happened when they came back here, Dean didn't want to tell him because Cas would most likely blame himself, so Dean just held him. He looked down at the ring box and picked it up. He carefully opened it up and took the ring out, turning it over in his fingers absently before taking Castiel's hand and slowly sliding it onto his finger. "This wasn't exactly the way I planned it to go, but it's all right."

Castiel felt awful. He'd ruined what could have been a wonderful night. He'd probably have cried as well but Dean didn't seem to want to remind him. Obviously things went wrong. Dean would never refuse to tell a funny story. He watched as Dean placed the ring on his finger and couldn't help but well up a little. Small tears forming in his eyes. He shook his head, never taking his eyes off the ring. "Whatever way you do this..it's perfect," he whispered, slowly turning his gaze to Dean. He made a point to cup Dean's cheek with his left hand so the other could feel the cool metal press against his skin as he pulled him close enough to plant and soft, lingering kiss on his lips.

Dean smiled softly, pressing his lips against Castiel's palm and then his lips as they kissed gently. When they pulled apart, Dean wiped a tear away from Castiel's cheek and took his hand, looking at the silver ring on his finger with a small smile. When he'd gone to buy it, he'd been so excited. This was a symbol of commitment and truth, and they were officially getting married. This was the next step to that, because Cas had already gotten him a ring.

Castiel smiled breathlessly, letting his hand trail over Dean's chest. "I can't believe we're getting married," he whispered, linking his ring hand with Dean's. "This..It's real. This is really happening," he gushed, letting out a small laugh and a few tears. He sniffed a little, looking at Dean with pure wide eyes. "I love you, so much," he murmured, kissing Dean again.

Dean smiled and held Castiel's face gently in his hands, just looking at him. "We can do this, Cas. We belong together, for the rest of our lives." Dean felt breathless and dizzy, just thinking about it and gazing at Cas like this. He remembered all the things Cas had said at the club last night, the parts Dean had gotten on video. And it was true. There was something about the two of them that made Dean feel like they were different from every other couple in the world, and he knew they were. "Nothing could ever be as important as this," he whispered, closing his eyes as they kissed.

Castiel felt his eyes well up and tears fall down his cheeks as they kissed. "Oh Dean," he breathed, shuffling closer. He got into position so he sat in Dean's lap, his legs pressed against Dean's sides and his arms draped over his shoulders. His hands tangled into his lover's hair as he kissed him tenderly again. "I can't wait to be your husband. It'll be incredible. Dean and Castiel Winchester," he murmured with a small smile.

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's back and held him close, resting their foreheads together. "We'll be the best," Dean agreed, brushing their noses together. "Castiel Winchester has a nice ring to it. I like it." Dean smiled and lightly dragged his nails up and down Castiel's bare back, just barely grazing him.

Castiel grinned, arching his back a little when Dean started to touch him. "I like it too," he hummed. He let his eyelids droop closed and his hands roam through Dean's hair and down his arms. "I like this," he continued, pressing a gentle kiss to Dean's cheek, resting his head on his shoulder. "I like you." His hands squeezed lightly around Dean's middle as he pressed another kiss to his neck. "Especially when you treat me nice and buy me things." He pulled back to look at his ring and couldn't stop the smile from spreading on his face. He shook his head. "I still can't believe you bought me this. A-Are you sure we can afford it? I can take it back if we can't."

"Hm, I thought you liked me for my body," Dean murmured jokingly, nipping at Castiel's lips slightly. "I'm not made of money and that ring wasn't exactly cheap but we're keeping it, babe. I want you to have it and wear it." He leaned forward a little and took Castiel's hand. "Did you look on the inside before you put it on? I got a little something special engraved there."

Castiel bit his lip. He felt bad for making Dean spend so much money on him. He shook his head in confusion. He'd only glimpsed at the ring in the box before snapping it shut and was crying a little too so he could concentrate on anything but Dean. He sat back a bit so he could take off the ring and examined the inside. It read, take my whole life too. Castiel made a small noise in the back of his throat, biting his lip. He put the ring back on and smiled sadly at Dean. "I love you," was all he could say, crushing his lips against Dean's as he tried desperately to show Dean how happy and grateful he was to have such an amazing fiancé.

Dean smiled softly as Castiel read the message and teared up, and he had to brace one hand on the ground so he didn't tip backwards when Cas kissed him, hard and passionate. Dean curled his fingers into Castiel's hair and just held him right there, right where he belonged in Dean's arms. When they broke apart, Dean rested his forehead against Castiel's. "It'll be okay, baby," he promised in a whisper, "I'll take care of you. We'll be alright."

Castiel nodded, resting his forehead carefully back against Dean's and sighed. "Okay," he whispered, gripping tightly to Dean's arms. "I love you," he said again. "I love you so much and I'm so sorry I've ruined everything. I didn't mean to. I just wanted to have fun and I ruined it and you're so nice to me, Dean. You kept me safe and you really are my prince. My love. My hero." He kissed Dean again, a little softer this time so they didn't fall over. "I'm so sorry," he said again, feeling bad for ruining their night.

"Cas, you didn't ruin everything. I'm not angry and I'm just glad you're alright. And I'm relieved that nothing happened because I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I took advantage of you while you were drunk." Dean kissed the tip of Castiel's nose and smiled softly at him. "I love you more than anything and I just want you to be happy and feel safe all the time. Please stop apologizing." Dean hugged Cas, resting his chin on his shoulder and rubbing his back gently.

Castiel melted into Dean's touch, letting his worries dissolve as Dean just held him. "Thank you," he said softly. He was so lucky to have a partner who was willing to be so patient. Who wouldn't take advantage of him no matter how much they wanted it. "You're one in a million, Dean Winchester," he beamed, squeezing Dean a little in the hug before pulling back to look at him with a bright, proud grin. This was Dean. His Dean. And only his Dean.

Dean grinned back at Castiel and sighed happily. "I'm so lucky to have you, Cas. I'm glad I'm the one you chose and I can't wait to get married to you. There could never be anyone else." He stroked Castiel's hair softly and just gazed at him, amazed at everything that was Cas. "You're so beautiful and I can't wait to give you my name. I love you so much."

Castiel grinned happily, eskimo kissing Dean. He found it amusing after all this time they still loved one another so much. He wondered what it be like when they were old. Whether they'd be the same after all that time. He kinda wished they were. He'd love to have a happy life like that. Were he could always rely on Dean to still be there for him. To love and to hold no matter what. He kissed Dean tenderly before getting up and onto his feet. "I think I'm gonna go for a run," he said with a content smile. "Need to exercise my legs after all that stumbling about."

Dean rose his eyebrows and smiled in amusement. "You sure? You drank a lot last night. You're going to just go running with a hangover?" Dean stood up as well and stretched his back and arms, raising his hands above his head and standing on his tiptoes. He groaned in relief when his back popped and cracked, and then he lowered his arms and rolled his shoulders and neck. "If you're gonna go, mind if I come with you? It's nice outside."

Castiel nodded. "I can't just take a day off. Sure, I don't mind. I just need to keep up my routine otherwise my legs will stiffen up again." He rubbed the outside of his thigh absently and sighed, padding into the bedroom to put on some sweatpants and a vest top and started toeing on his sneakers before jogging on the spot. He stopped, started stretching, then started jogging again. Waiting for Dean to get ready so they could start running.

Dean watched as Cas rubbed his leg where Lucifer had stabbed him, but he quickly tore his eyes away and went searching for something to wear. He found a pair of mesh shorts and a loose tee shirt and slipped them on, along with a pair of socks and his sneakers and then nodded at Cas to let him know he was ready. "There's a lot of open fields and little dirt roads to run on, it's pretty nice here."

Castiel nodded. They hadn't run out here yet but it looked like a pretty good place to explore. He went outside, wincing at the bright light and went straight back inside. "Nope," he said, searching for a pair of sunglasses and put them on before going back outside with a little less pain. He was still hungover but hopefully this would help. He took a deep breath, looking behind him to see if Dean was there before beginning to set a pace and a direction for them to take.

Dean chuckled when Castiel went right back into the house without even stopping. He emerged a moment later wearing sunglasses and then Dean followed him, falling into step beside him and going wherever Cas led them. Their breathing and footsteps synchronized and Dean felt good. The air was fresh, the sun was shining, and it was lightly breezy. He wasn't as strong of a runner as Cas was, but he kept up with him pretty well and enjoyed it.

Castiel felt like he was going to be sick but he pushed through it, running in sync with Dean. It felt good. After about an hour, he stopped by a tree, breathing heavily and leaning his hand against it so he didn't fall over. He was seating so much it had seeped through his top to make it stick like a second skin. He nodded slowly and looked up at Dean. "Are you..okay?" he breathed, stretching out his legs and arms as he slowly began to regain his breath.

Dean winced a little when they finally stopped after about an hour, leaning forward and resting his hands on his knees as he tried to slow down his breathing. His legs were burning and trembling, but it was pleasant and Dean was glad he'd gone along. He looked up at Cas and wiped sweat off his forehead with the hem of his sweat-soaked tee shirt. Cas looked like something straight out of a hot guy calender that teenage girls always hung up in their bedrooms, and Dean couldn't stop himself from taking his phone out and snapping a picture of Cas. "You're so hot," he explained with a little grin, still panting.

Castiel chuckled when Dean took his photo, rolling his eyes and snatching the phone from him to take Dean's photo too. "Ditto," Castiel drawled with a cheeky grin, handing back the phone and began jogging on the spot again, ready to run. "Come on. Let's get back to the house. I could use a shower." He started running back, hoping Dean would follow.

Dean groaned and began running after Cas, wondering how far away from the cabin they were. He hadn't been keeping track of where they were so he was trusting Cas to get them back to the cabin in one piece without getting lost. Dean's joints protested as he began jogging again, but as soon as he ran through the pain a pleasurable ache filled his body and he was hypnotized by the rhythm of his own breathing.

Castiel had made sure they didn't run an hour away from the cabin. He made them zig zag so when they ran back it wouldn't take as long because they'd run straight back in case they got too tired. Castiel was glad they'd done that now because he felt like collapsing at any moment. They eventually made it back to the cabin and Castiel just crashed on the couch with a grunt. He was too tired to stretch but knew he'd have to soon. He just let his eyes close for a moment first.

Dean leaned one hand against the door and pulled his leg up into a stretch. "Dude, don't sweat on the new couch," he protested weakly, waiting until the ache in his muscles faded a little and felt warmer before moving to his other leg. "I don't think I've ever run that much before," he groaned, taking off his sneakers and hobbling stiffly over to the sink to pour a glass of water.

Castiel let out a small groan in protest but managed to sit up enough in order to stretch his aching legs and then his arms. He peeled out of his shirt, tossing it over at Dean's face, sticking his tongue out at him and giggling a little as he ran into the bathroom and closed the door so he could shower before Dean, still laughing childishly. He turned on the shower, drowning out the noise of Dean, the cabin and the main road beside them. Looking back on it, it's funny how close their paths had come to cross.

A figure sat upon an empty bus. Lawrence, Kansas, last stop. The man can't be older than the drinking age but he looks it. Tired and run down. He's been running for so long. He's counted the number of seats twenty times. The battered seats have a hexagon patten which drives him crazy, persistent to count each side, he misses the one house that has passed them in the passed 100 miles. Signs of life. Signs of getting closer to his destination.

He exits the bus at the station and makes his way to the place he had once called home. It takes him by surprise to find the place is completely new. If it were for the Scottish Fold staring blankly at him through the window, he would have suspected the premisses had new owners. He knocked thrice but no answer came. He waited a few minutes but the silence still remained.

A figure came to mind. The day of his escape. A teen who'd comforted him. Assuring him he'd look after the one other thing that meant something to him in the dismal world. He remembered a name and looked it up, searching for an address. He walked there. Taking his time to rehearse what he'd say. He saw a '67 Chevy Impala parked in the driveway, admiring it for a moment before proceeding to walk up to the house and knock on the door, praying his journey had not been wasted.

Dean groaned and tossed Castiel's sweaty shirt on the floor, rolling his eyes as Cas went into the bathroom and shut the door. Dean sat down at the kitchen table and played with his phone absently as he waited for Cas to get out of the shower. He was feeling good about their future now. Cas still had a lot of problems to work out with his past and Dean wasn't going to give up on him and he'd be there to support him no matter what happened. He knew it wouldn't always be easy and they'd have their ups and downs, but they were stronger than they had been and could handle anything life chose to throw at them.

Sam was cooking himself some pasta for dinner when there was a knock on the door. He looked up in confusion, not remembering the last time someone had knocked on their door. Usually whoever it was just walked right in, since the usual visitors they had were Cas and Ruby and their friends who just let themselves in. He turned the stove off and walked over to the door, opening it and he frowned in confusion. "Cas?" he said, looking him up and down. He was wearing clothes that Sam had never seen Cas wear before and he seemed different, somehow. "You know you can just come in, right?" He asked, giving Cas a strange look.

The man stared at the boy. Just below the chin. He'd been working on it but he still wasn't able to face many in the eye. Well, those he didn't know. This wasn't Dean. He'd know this wasn't Castiel. "I'm not Castiel," the man said with a blank expression. "My name is Jimmy Novak. Is this the Winchester residence?" he asked, not caring who the other was because if this was the wrong house Jimmy didn't need to know who this was. He needed to know where his brother was.


	51. Chapter 51

Sam's eyes widened and he stumbled backwards, staring at Cas-Jimmy? in confusion. "Jimmy?" He repeated, his mouth suddenly feeling dry. His heart pounded hard and he wasn't ashamed to admit he was scared shitless. "You're dead!" he blurted out, taking another step backwards and not tearing his eyes away from the guy. "Jimmy Novak is dead. Who the hell are you?" This couldn't be happening; Sam had seen how Castiel reacted after his brother committed suicide. This wasn't possible and it just didn't make sense. Now that he was looking more closely, he could see that this wasn't Cas. This look-alike was slightly smaller and his hair was cut a little differently, and he wouldn't meet Sam's eyes. "What the fuck is going on?" Sam muttered, just staring in confusion.

Jimmy just stood impatiently at the doorstep. His hands hung limp by his sides as he watched curiously as the other teen stumbled around trying to get his bearings. He knew who he was. He knew the story. A relative of Dean's perhaps? It would make sense. "I'll take that as a yes? This is the Winchester residence?" he asked, irritated his question still hadn't been answered. "I do not have time to explain. My brother c-c-omes first," he said firmly, afraid the other would scold him for being so assertive. He back away a step just in case, calculating from this distance even with a stature the other man held he would not be able to jump at him without Jimmy being able to quickly reflex and run in time. "I must see Castiel and he isn't home. I assume he's with D-Dean. I n-need to see them...please."

Sam just threw up his hands in defeat, feeling panicky and shocked. "Yes, this is the Winchester Residence," he snapped back, running a hand through his hair and taking a deep breath. "I'm Dean's brother. I'm not even going to ask how you're here because this just doesn't make sense. And this is really freaking me out, man." He grabbed the keys to the Impala and hurried out the door. "Do you want me to take you to them or not?" He opened the passenger door for 'Jimmy' and then got in the driver's seat, feeling like he was going to explode. It's not every day that a dead guy shows up at your door.

Jimmy looked at the passenger seat blankly before nodding slightly and sat in the seat, adjusting himself until his feet sat symmetrically on the floor. He placed his hands in his lap and let Dean's brother close the door because he didn't want to touch it himself. "I-I-I'm grateful," he said carefully. "I hope this isn't an inconvenience." He decided to focus on the pattens and numbers on the radio, something to calm his mind. An old habit, but one that had stuck to keep himself from going insane.

Sam gripped the steering wheel tight and kept stealing glances at Jimmy. Dean had mentioned that they were twins, but the resemblance was uncanny. "Yeah, sorry I freaked out on you like that, I just... I can't believe you're here. Dean went to your funeral, Jimmy. And Cas wasn't the same after you died. I just don't understand how this is happening." They reached the cabin a few minutes later and Sam got out of the car. "Just wait here, I'm gonna tell them you're here. I don't know how they're going to react but just stay in the car." Sam walked shakily up to the cabin and let himself in. It was dark inside, with only the fireplace lighting the place up. "Hey, guys?" Sam called, his voice strained. He found Cas and Dean on the couch, wrapped in a blanket in front of the fire and just relaxing. Dean looked up at him and immediately frowned, noticing something was wrong. "Sam, what happened?" He demanded, instantly going into big brother mode and standing up from the couch to turn a light on. Sam sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I... don't know how else to explain this, but..." He took a deep breath and swallowed, looking right at Cas. "Jimmy's here."

Jimmy didn't understand why he had to stay in the car. He was perfectly capable of telling his own brother he'd returned. Nevertheless, he hung back, observing his surroundings and taking a mental note of possible escape routes. Castiel was inside, curled up with a glass of wine and his fiancé only to be disturbed by Sam. He wanted to yell at him. Tell him they just wanted a night together but something stopped him. The words 'Jimmy' escaping Sam's mouth. If he wasn't already sitting down his knees would have buckled. His throat went dry and he could feel tears begin to well. Out of anger or sadness, he wasn't sure. "J-Jimmy? Sam, have you gone completely insane!" he cried out, feeling his heart ache at the mention of his brother.

Sam shrugged helplessly and shook his head, eyes wide with confusion. "I don't know," he said, "He just showed up at our house and he's in the car now, I drove him over..." Dean didn't wait to hear the rest of what Sam had to say; he couldn't believe any of this. He sprinted outside and looked in the car, and he fell right on his ass when he saw Jimmy sitting there in the passenger side. Scrambling to his feet, eyes wide and heart racing, he walked shakily to the car and opened the door. "Jimmy?" He croaked in disbelief. He put aside his questions and shock for the moment and grabbed Jimmy's arm, not caring if he'd protest or freak out at the unexpected touch. There were more important things to worry about right now, like the fact that Castiel's dead twin brother was actually alive. When he got back inside, Sam was holding Castiel's shoulders and yelling desperately. "Cas, just wait a second!" he pleaded, "He's in the car, let me just-" Sam stopped short when he saw Dean and Jimmy standing there, and everything went completely silent.

Jimmy sat in the passenger seat looking around when suddenly Dean came along and yanked him out the car. He yelped in disbelief, trying to pry Dean's hand away from his arm. He didn't like being manhandled. He didn't like being touched. He was on the verge of tears when they got into the cabin. Dean had loosened his grip on him and he managed to fall his his knees, gathering up his legs and hugged them tight as he kept himself in a protective hold until the threat went away. "I just wanted to see C-C-Castiel," he defended, whimpering as he felt himself get in way over his head. He shouldn't have come. He should have just stayed dead. Castiel didn't register Sam shaking him lightly. All he could see was his helpless brother curled up on his floor. "Jimmy?" he said, a low whimper escaping him as he crawled carefully over to his brother. "Hey. Hey buddy," he said softly, trying to catch his eyes. When he couldn't, he looked up at Dean helplessly, tears streaming down his face. "Please tell me I'm not imagining things again," he whispered, horrified. "Tell me I'm not going mad."

Sam and Dean stood there and watched the events unfold. Dean felt bad for practically dragging Jimmy into the house, as the guy was currently curled up on the floor hugging his knees. But the regret was short-lived; Jimmy'd get over it. There were more important things going on and the fact that Dean had frightened Jimmy really didn't matter right now. He watched as Castiel approached Jimmy and tried speaking to him, but Jimmy didn't even move and Cas looked up at Dean pleadingly. Dean shook his head. "This is real, Cas. I promise it's real because I see him too. And so does Sam." Dean had no idea how this was even possible, because he'd gone to the guy's funeral and now here he was, alive and well on the floor of the cabin. Dean exchanged an utterly confused and scared look with Sam, not knowing what to do or how to explain to themselves that this was happening.

Castiel let out a choked sob when Dean said it was real. He sniffed and laughed coldly as he turned his head back to Jimmy. He was real. He was here. Castiel didn't know how but he found himself not caring. His brother was back and nothing could stop him from leaving again. Castiel wouldn't let that happen. "Jimmy," he said again softly, reaching out for his brother slowly, cupping his cheek. He didn't care that Jimmy didn't do contact. He just needed to prove to himself that this was real. That Jimmy was real. Jimmy protested a little, whimpering and sniffing under Castiel's touch. "Shh, it's okay. You're safe. I've got you," Castiel crooned. Jimmy just nodded, allowing the touch as he allowed his fingertips to slip under Castiel's and count his scars. Ten. Just like he'd promised. His brother had made him the tenth. "I-I-I-I'm s-s-sorry," he stuttered, choking on a sob. "It had to be believable," he tried to explain, curling in on himself. Castiel just shook his head, carefully wrapping an arm around his brother. "Jimmy it's okay. What happened?" he asked gently. He was freaking out. His brother was alive but he couldn't get angry. Not with Jimmy. Things didn't work that way. "I had to get out of t-that h-h-hosptial. I..I" he couldn't finish his sentence, breaking down further into a stuttering mess. Castiel took a leap of faith and just hugged his brother. Jimmy didn't resist for long until he accepted his brother's touch and curled against him. Castiel just held him, ignoring everything else and focussed on his brother.

Dean couldn't believe this was seriously happening. He couldn't even begin to wrap his mind around it, and a look at Sam's face told him that they were equally confused. Dean had so many questions. He wanted to face Jimmy and demand answers and explanations, but he didn't dare interrupt the fragile moment between the reunited brothers. He was even more surprised that Jimmy accepted Castiel's touch and actually leaned into his embrace. Cas had said that Jimmy didn't like to be touched, so this was clearly a very important moment. Dean stepped back a little, retreating into the bedroom and pulling Sam along with him. He closed the door behind them and turned to Sam with wide, terrified eyes. "What the hell?" He whispered.

"It's okay, buddy. I've got you," Castiel murmured, keeping his voice low despite the obvious tremble in his voice. He remembered how Jimmy had never let him hug him before. How their first hug had been when Jimmy was dead...when he thought he was dead. He still didn't understand but he was just so happy to see his brother again, he was willing to believe anything. Jimmy buried his face into Castiel's chest, sobbing lightly. He was so relieved his brother wasn't mad. He didn't want to hurt again. He just wanted to be free. "Y-Your n-n-n-ot going to t-take me back, are you?" Jimmy asked quietly, sniffing a little. Castiel's heart dropped. His swallowed thickly and buried his face in his brother's hair. "No," he said firmly. "No. You're never going back there. I promise." It occurred to Castiel that Jimmy had done all this to escape. To get away from that prison of an institute. It hurt Castiel to think that his brother would go to such extremes just to be free.

Sam just gave Dean a helpless shrug. Dean sat down heavily on the bed, his knees shaking and threatening to buckle. "Dean, I'm just as confused as you are. He knocked on the door and I thought it was Cas, but then he said he was Jimmy and I just... I don't know. Jimmy died!" Dean sighed and tugged at his hair, feeling panicked tears welling up. This was too huge to process and Dean felt like he was drowning. "I saw him die," he murmured, "I was there when it happened, Sam. This is impossible."

Castiel stroked Jimmy's hair and kissed his forehead. He was surprised by how non-resistant he was to his touch. Was he off his meds? Jimmy hadn't always been completely reserved. The hospital had made him worse but there was nothing he could do. His father had put him in there. He had no choice in the matter. Maybe being out of there really had done him some good. "Buddy, you wanna sleep?" he asked softly. He had no idea where Jimmy had been. Where he'd been staying. He looked really tired and Castiel just wanted to wrap him up in a blanket and never let him out of his sight again. Jimmy nodded weakly, looking at the floor and counted the final line before standing up slowly, Castiel supporting him as he did so. Castiel led him to the bedroom and gave Dean a weak look. "Jimmy's gonna sleep in here tonight," he said, giving Dean a look that said to move out the way. "We'll talk about this in the morning, okay buddy?" Castiel said softly. Jimmy nodded, rubbing his eyes with one hand whilst reaching out for Castiel with the other. He squeezed his hand a little before silently moving around the room and taking in everything, keeping his back to the others until they were gone.

A tense silence settled over Sam and Dean because there was nothing either of them could say or do to even begin understanding what was happening. The bedroom door opened suddenly and Dean jumped to his feet, turning towards the door. Castiel was leading Jimmy into the bedroom and Dean nodded quickly, stepping aside stiffly to let them get to the bed. Sam backed out of the room and gave Castiel a tight smile, but Dean stayed behind for a moment in the doorway. "Cas?" He asked quietly, his voice small. "Is everything okay?"

Castiel watched Jimmy for a moment. He looked uncomfortable being around so many people and Castiel wasn't sure he even felt comfortable trying to sleep with his brother in the room so he carefully stepped out with Dean, closing the door behind him and shaking his head at Dean. "I don't know," he whispered, letting his head fall to Dean's shoulder and finally let out all the tears. He was supposed to be getting better. He was better. He'd managed to move on after months of torture. Now he felt like he was back to square one again. All his hard work was for nothing. He'd never felt so lost in his life.

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel and held him close, one hand gently cupping the back of his neck. Dean looked up at Sam over Castiel's shoulder, and Sam gestured towards the door and began walking quietly to it, and he mouthed the words 'call me'. Dean nodded subtly and Sam gave him a weak smile before leaving without being noticed. Now Dean could focus all of his attention on Cas and the unexplained and unexpected arrival of Jimmy. Everything had suddenly changed, and Dean didn't know what was going to happen next. But he had to try to be strong because Cas was depending on him right now. Dean didn't want to ask any questions right now because Cas was so tense and strung out and crying on Dean's shoulder. "Cas, baby..." Dean murmured sadly, "Oh, honey. Shh, please don't cry."

Castiel couldn't help it. He hated hearing that pleading tone in Dean's voice. The one that said he hated seeing him cry and be weak. "He's supposed to be dead," he whimpered, looking up at Dean with empty, tear filled eyes. He couldn't understand what was happening. The one he had depended one for most of his childhood was back. The one he had almost died for was back. He could have died and not have known his brother was actually. He felt so angry and hopeless and he didn't know what to do. He couldn't breathe. He had to get out of there. He stumbled away from Dean and made it outside, sitting by the lake he sobbed openly. Letting the cool air wash over him in an attempt to calm down.

Dean looked into Castiel's sad eyes and felt his own eyes start to well up despite his attempts to blink back the tears. The pain in Castiel's voice was like a slap to the face for Dean and he didn't know what to do. He let Cas pull away from him and run outside down to the lake, leaving Dean standing in the threshold, Jimmy sleeping in the bedroom to his right and Cas outside alone to his left. Dean took one last look at the closed bedroom door before following Cas outside. He searched around for him and saw him sitting on the ground down by the lake, the breeze ruffling his hair and carrying the sound of his sobs over the wind. Dean walked down towards him and sat down beside him wordlessly, just to let him know he was there and he wasn't alone.

Castiel sighed, running his fingers through the water and obscuring his reflection. It reminded him too much of Jimmy. He couldn't deal with that right now. He stared at the water, the rippled effect his fingers had made as he spoke to Dean. "What am I going to do?" he whispered, frightened. "I can't let him go back there. I just can't." He shook his head, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "I can't let him be on his own either. He's too much of a liability. What if he tries to hurt himself again or.." or what? Kill himself? Castiel almost laughed at that. Realizing how stupid it sounded now. After his brother fooled them all into thinking he was dead. He shook his head. "Dean..I'm so scared," he sobbed silently, fingers shaking slightly as he played with the water. "All these memories are flooding back...I can't... I can't handle it."

Dean watched Castiel's profile as he spoke, the crescent moon reflecting off the water and making a dim, sickly light dance across his face. The haunted expression in Castiel's downcast eyes gave Dean chills, and he reached down and took Castiel's wet hand and pulled it into his lap. He held it gently, a simple gesture of kindness and caring, because he didn't know what to do either. "You're not sending him back to the hospital," he said, giving Castiel's hand a light squeeze. "He can stay with us for now. He doesn't have anywhere else to go and we need to figure out what happened. Just stay calm and we'll do this together, Cas. Alright? I'm here with you and you're not alone in this mess."

Castiel squeezed Dean's hand back a little, trying to listen to what the other said and nod in agreement. "Okay," he agreed quietly. He managed to shuffle enough to sit closer to Dean, their sides pressed together. "Thank you," he said, still sounding shaky but that was mostly because of the night air now. "I-I'm so sorry," he said, even though this wasn't his fault but he felt the need to take some responsibility for his twin. He squeezed Dean's hand again and rested his head on his shoulder. "I can't..oh god. I'm so sorry, Dean. If I had know...I'd never have..." tried to kill myself. If it wasn't for Jimmy's death, there wouldn't have been so much strain on their relationship. They'd have been healthier. Dean never would have broken up with him. Never would have tried to kill himself. None of it would have happened. He wasn't sure when he started crying again but he couldn't stop shaking and apologizing to Dean as he clung to him for dear life.

Dean gathered Castiel up and wrapped him in a warm embrace, letting Cas cling to him and sob into his shoulder, his tears forming a wet spot on Dean's tee shirt. Dean's eyes filled with tears at seeing Castiel this pained, and all the things that he was implying. It was true, though. If Jimmy hadn't 'died', then Castiel wouldn't have tried to commit suicide. And if Castiel had succeeded, it would have been for nothing. Jimmy was still alive. The thought made Dean feel cold inside and he shivered, goosebumps raising on his arms. He suddenly wanted to get as far away from the water as possible, because every time he looked in he could see Castiel's drowned, lifeless body, soaked with water and pale-skinned, eyes closed never to open again. The reality that it could've happened was all too real; and it almost did happen. Dean gently pushed Castiel away so he could stand up, and then he dragged Cas to his feet and wrapped an arm securely around his waist to help support him as they stood. "Cas, let's go back inside. I think you need to lie down." Cas was shaking and sobbing like Dean had never seen before, and he couldn't stop his own tears from escaping.

Castiel's breath hitched as he tried to stop crying but it just made it worse. He ended up choking as tried to breath through the tears but it didn't work. He kept gasping for air every so often as he tried to keep himself together. He was vaguely aware of Dean pushing him towards the house and all he could do was stumble towards the cabin and fall on the couch once inside. He couldn't stop shaking, even the warmth of the fire couldn't ease his chill. He was a complete mess and he turned his body and face into the couch cushions so Dean couldn't see how truly disgusting he was.

Dean urged Castiel towards the house as quickly as possible and helped him over to the couch. He looked at Castiel in concern when he saw how bad the shaking had gotten, and he grabbed some blankets off the back of the couch and wrapped them around Cas, and he even pushed the couch a little closer to the fire, adding more wood to it until it was warmer. Castiel was losing it, and Dean sat beside him on the couch and pulled his head into his lap, gently trailing his fingers through Castiel's hair and over his scalp. "Cas, everything's going to be okay, I promise. Your brother is here, he's alive, and we're going to keep him safe, alright? Just breathe, baby. Deep breaths. I've got you."

"I could have lost you," Castiel mumbled into Dean's stomach, oblivious to the fact of how he was resting in the man's lap to begin with. "I was willing to...because of him. I could have lost you and it would have been for nothing," he said, his voice lost and absent from the rest of him. "How could I have been so stupid?" He was still trembling and the tears still came but he didn't care. He was just trying to block out all the memories that had come flooding back because of Jimmy. He'd been reverted to that lost little boy Dean had talked to not a year before.

Dean continued his soothing motions of stroking Castiel's hair, hoping it would help to calm him down at least somewhat. "You're not stupid," Dean insisted, "You couldn't have known. I didn't know, nobody knew. I have no idea how he even pulled a stunt like that off, because it was pretty damn convincing and I think he has a lot of explaining to do." He understood Castiel's regrets and fears and although it scared Dean a lot to know that he'd almost lost Cas for no reason, it was in the past and he didn't want to think about it. "Cas, hey." he murmured, wiping away a few tears streaming down Castiel's cheeks. "Shhh. It's over, that was in the past and it doesn't matter anymore. You're here, I'm here, and now Jimmy's here. We can't dwell on the past, we need to look forward to the future."

Castiel sniffed a little, sitting up a bit so he was half sitting in Dean's lap. "Okay," he said, voice small. "I'm sorry." He nudged his nose against Dean's neck and sighed, still crying a little. He let his arms wrap around Dean's waist and hold him tight. "I love you," he said, seeking comfort what little way he knew how by being reminded that this man. This gorgeous, smart, funny man was his. And that he loved him. And he loved him back. That's all he had right now because if he were honest. After everything Jimmy had put him through. He sorta wished he had stayed dead. At least then his behaviour would have been for something.

Dean rubbed Castiel's back and sighed, kissing his temple gently. "I know," he murmured, "It's going to be okay. We'll fix everything and you can talk to Jimmy and figure out what happened and why he did it, and we'll work something out. Everything's okay now, Cas." Dean pulled his head back a little to look up at Castiel's face. "Is he asleep?" He wondered, glancing at the closed bedroom door. There were no sounds coming from behind the door, and Dean guessed he was probably asleep after traveling all the way from wherever he was all this time and the stress of everything that had happened. "Do you think you ought to go check on him or something?"

Castiel sighed a little. He didn't want to go in there. He didn't want to face his brother again. Jimmy had hurt him enough. He couldn't see him looking so peaceful and carefree..because that's what would happen. Jimmy didn't understand these things. He wouldn't understand how much he was hurting Castiel. Taking a deep breath, Castiel nodded, standing up and out of Dean's lap and padded carefully into the bedroom. He opened the door carefully to see Jimmy, lying stiffly on the bed, above the covers with his shoes off and placed neatly at the foot of the bed. He was still fully clothed and looked incredibly uncomfortable but to Castiel, he looked more relaxed than he ever had been in the past five years. Despite the fact he was in the same position as he had been the day of his funeral. He closed the door and let out a small sob as he went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. "He's fine," he whimpered over to Dean, covering his hand over his mouth as he tried not to cry.

Dean watched Castiel walk over to the bedroom, quietly open the door, and walk in, and he waited a moment before Cas came out and went to the kitchen sink. Castiel's voice came out as a shaky whimper and his face was a mask of pain and sadness. Dean stood up as well and approached Castiel, gently taking the glass of water out of his hands and setting on the counter. He gently cupped Castiel's face and wiped tears away with the pads of his thumbs. "Cas," he whispered sadly, lowering his hands to Castiel's shoulders and pulling him close against his chest, encouraging Cas to lean his head on Dean's shoulder and just let himself be supported.

Castiel let Dean take the water from his hand. He wasn't thirsty. He just wanted to do something with his hands. He slumped against Dean and just let out his emotions again. He couldn't stop crying and he felt bad for Dean. He didn't deserve to be dragged back into this. "He looks dead," he whispered into Dean's chest. "He is dead," he said, shaking his head. "He's supposed to be dead!" he cried out in hysterics. He couldn't understand what was happening. "We buried him. We suffered. I suffered. I ALMOST DIED."

Dean held Cas tighter, but he backed away slightly when Castiel started to raise his voice. Dean grabbed Castiel's shoulders and met his eyes. "Cas, calm down. I know this whole mess is really fucked up and it's impossibly difficult to even begin to understand, but you need to relax. You're gonna wake him up, if you haven't already. Your brother is not dead, he's in there asleep, and he obviously went through some elaborate hoax to get everyone to believe he was dead. I can't believe it either, Cas. I was there when it happened and I can't think of any way that it was fake." Dean sighed slightly and glanced towards the bedroom door again. "I think you need to go to sleep," Dean suggested quietly, wishing he knew what to do to help Castiel.

Castiel's chest was heaving heavily as he tried to keep it together. He nodded a little when Dean said he needed some sleep and walked away, catching Dean's hand just before they were too far apart and dragged him along to the couch. He pulled the cushions onto the floor and curled up there with a blanket next to the fire, leaving room for Dean to curl in behind him. He wouldn't sleep for a while yet but he could pretend. If it made Dean happy.

Dean went over to the couch with Cas and tucked the blanket around him securely as Cas laid down, and he gently pushed Cas over so they could lie face to face. Dean didn't want Cas to hide from him right now, because his mind was in a dark place right now and Dean wanted to see any emotion that darted over his face and try to help comfort him as best as he could. He kissed Castiel's nose gently and pulled the blanket up over them, wrapping his arms around Castiel and stroking his back gently. "Get some sleep. We'll have plenty of time in the morning to talk about everything."

Castiel yawned softly. His energy drained both physically and emotionally. His eyes drooped shut and he found himself asleep in no time, only to wake what seemed like moments later to the sun coming through the windows and shining over them. He groaned irritably, nuzzling against Dean to try and block out the light. He didn't want to face the day. He didn't want to face his brother. His dead brother. Everything had been going well before he came along and blew everything out of perspective.

Dean didn't sleep well and he spent most of the night holding Castiel and listening to him breathe, watching his eyes move behind closed lids, eyelashes fluttering gently. He looked peaceful and Dean wasn't looking forward to the morning when Cas would undoubtably be very unhappy again. Dean found peace in Castiel's sleep, and eventually the soft, steady rhythm of his breathing and the beat of his heart against Dean's chest is what lulled him to sleep. He woke up in the morning to a groan and movement from Castiel, and he opened his eyes to see that it was morning and the sun was already up and slanting in through the window above them.

"Make it go away," he grumbled in a pleading whisper under his breath. He didn't want this. He'd moved on. Made his life better. He was over the hill and now his brother was dragging him backdown. Balthazar's reunion he could deal with. He was alive and well and was just trying to do what was right a make amends. Jimmy, however, was supposed to be dead. He'd come back and instead of making things better. He was making them worse. Castiel could feel himself slipping back under. To a place he never wanted to see again. He'd been in the dark for so long. He didn't want to go back..but he could hear movement from the bedroom, another constant reminder that Jimmy was here and wasn't going anywhere.

Dean sighed sadly and stroked his fingers through Castiel's hair, remembering what it had looked like when he'd pulled his hair out after Jimmy's death, just like Jimmy had. "Cas," he murmured sadly, "I can't make it go away. You've got to talk to him, baby. I know it's hard and the fact that he's alive changes everything, but you need to face him." Dean kissed Castiel's nose gently and then started to sit up, gently pulling Castiel up with him. "I don't like this either, Cas. This whole thing is a fucked up mess, but I'm right here with you and we'll fix everything, okay?"

Castiel sighed, shaking his head. He didn't want to do this. Didn't want to have to deal with Jimmy. Today or any other day but he supposed he'd have to do it eventually. "Okay," he nodded softly, rubbing his tired and raw eyes. "Just...stay with me?" he asked softly, threading his hand with Dean's desperately. "I don't want to have to do this alone."

Dean smiled softly and squeezed Castiel's hand back. "I'll be right beside you the whole time," he promised, kissing Castiel tenderly and then standing up. He offered Cas a hand and helped him to his feet. "It's going to be okay," he murmured, giving him another gentle kiss and hugging him.

Castiel took in a deep breath and nodded, letting Dean kiss and hug him until he felt calm enough to actually walk through the door. He tentatively knocked on the door before opening it and honestly, he wasn't really sure what he'd been expecting. On the floor, hugging his knees, was Jimmy nestled in the far corner of the room. He squeezed Dean's hand, moving them to come sit on the floor and little bit away from Jimmy so he still had his space. "Hey," Castiel said softly, crossing his legs so he sat more comfortably, Dean's hand still in his. Jimmy looked up enough from his spot on the floor to see Castiel sitting across from him. His gaze turned towards Dean and the down at their ringed hands. "You remember Dean?" Castiel said, unsure what else to say without startling his brother. "You're married," Jimmy said, as if everything all made sense now.

Dean walked with Castiel into the room and sat down beside him carefully, waiting to see what would happen between the two brothers. He gave Castiel's hand a reassuring squeeze and watched Jimmy. When Jimmy said they were married, Dean exchanged a look with Castiel and then turned his gaze back to Jimmy. "No, not yet," he said, "We're engaged. We're getting married next winter." Dean glanced down at their hands, rings clinking together lightly as their fingers entwined.

Jimmy didn't look at Dean or Castiel. Just focussed on the rings and nodded slightly. Castiel gave Dean a sad look, he wondered if his brother would even stick around for that long. "What..uh...what happened, Jimmy?" Castiel's voice cracked and went quiet as he tried to find out what his brother was thinking when he pretended to kill himself. Jimmy looked at Castiel and laughed a little. Castiel squeezed Dean's hand hard to stop himself from hitting his brother. "Jimmy," he said firmly to get his brother to stop laughing. Jimmy dipped his head and seized laughing. "I needed to get out of there. This way gave me freedom. Away from the drugs. Away from father."

Dean looked back at Cas and stroked his thumb gently over the back of Castiel's hand in reassurance. When Jimmy started laughing, Dean gritted his teeth and stared at him. There was nothing funny about this. "Jimmy, do you realize what you did?" He said, his voice hard and serious. "You really hurt Castiel. He almost died because of you. He tried to kill himself and he came really close to succeeding. Did you want that to happen?"

Jimmy shook his head repeatedly in a child-like manner, stroking his thumb over his knee as he hugged his legs tighter. "It was a risk I had to take," he said, not really understanding what Dean was saying. He'd checked Castiel's arm. He had ten scars. It had been believable enough that his own brother hadn't suspected anything. His plans to disappear had worked perfectly. Castiel couldn't bite back his anger anymore, he jumped at his brother grabbing his by the collar and hauling him to his feet and slammed him up against the wall. Jimmy's eyes went wide and for the first time he actually looked at his brother in the eye, petrified and nervous. "You think this is a game?" Castiel growled, seeing red. "I gave my life for you. I sacrificed my home. My family. My Dean. For you. And this is what I get?! I gave you everything, Jimmy."

"Cas!" Dean yelled as Castiel suddenly lunged towards Jimmy and shoved him against the wall, Dean leapt to his feet and grabbed Castiel's arm, trying to pry him off Jimmy. Jimmy looked terrified and Castiel's entire body was rigid with anger and the pain in his eyes was mixed with anger and hatred. Dean managed to pull Castiel's hands off of Jimmy. "Cas, this isn't helping," he told him firmly, "You need to pull yourself together."

Jimmy gasped for air once Dean pulled Castiel away. He sunk back to the ground, rocking slightly and began counting to one hundred aloud to calm himself down. Castiel grunted, struggling in Dean's arms to pull away. "No!" he cried out, hatred and anger leading him completely now. "He did this to us, Dean. HIM! He deserves everything he gets."

Dean watched as Jimmy sank to the flood and started counting aloud, rocking a little bit and looking like he wanted to just curl up and disappear. "Cas, stop!" Dean shouted, tightening his grip on Cas and trying to get him to sit down on the edge of the bed. Things were out of control and Dean didn't know what to do. Castiel's anger scared him and Jimmy, and he managed to wrestle out of Dean's arms, causing Dean to go stumbling backwards into the edge of the bed and fall on it.

Castiel used this to his advantage, stepping away from Dean before he could stop him again and grabbed Jimmy's collar and dragged him outside despite his whimpering and pleads to stop. Jimmy covered his ears and tried to be dead weight so Castiel couldn't move him but it didn't work. They made it outside where Castiel proceeded to throw him to the floor and yell something at him but he was too scared to understand. His mouth was moving but no words came. Everything was muffled and Jimmy began crying and rocking violently as he counted quicker, getting to 40 before Castiel slapped him out of his trance. "I said get up!" Castiel growled. His brother wasn't fighting back and that made him angrier. He'd hurt him so much already. Surely Jimmy would be more than willing to do it again. "I've seen you fight. I know you can do it. Get up!"

Dean scrambled off the bed and tried to run after them as Cas dragged Jimmy outside, but his foot got tangled in the sheets and he fell flat on his face, twisting his ankle in the process. He always had the worst timing. He struggled to his feet and limped out of the room, trying to roll his ankle and ignore the pain, but he had to lean on the wall for support and to keep his balance. The front door was open and Dean hurried outside to see Cas standing over Jimmy with his fists clenched. "Cas, what the hell are you doing?!" he screamed, trying to go over to them and stop the fight, but he was too slow.

Castiel couldn't hear Dean, too far gone in his own little world. "Get up you little bitch. Fight me. I know you want to," Castiel taunted, growling angrily at his brother. Jimmy's breathing was coming in harsh as he rose to his feet, anger welling up inside him. Jimmy's first punch was uncoordinated and Castiel dodged it easily. Only Jimmy packed too much power into the punch and ended up swinging it against Dean's head as he stood behind Castiel. Jimmy didn't have time to respond, Castiel was already tackling him to the floor and punching him, grunting almost with animalistic force. Jimmy pushed him away, swinging a few punches himself and began pushing his thumbs against Castiel's eyes, causing his brother to cry out, jabbing him in the side to push him away before dragging him by the hair towards the lake. "You wanna know how it feels?!" Castiel cried out, pushing his brother's head down and into the water. Jimmy's whole body flailed, his hands pressed against Castiel's as he tried to get him to stop. Bubbles constantly arose from the water as Jimmy struggled for breath. Castiel lifted his head out of the water long enough for Jimmy to gasp for breath before dunking him back under. "To know that this is it." He lifted his head back up then down again. "To know that life ends here. In a fucking ditch..and for what? NOTHING." He brought Jimmy back out of the water and let him cough and splutter against the grass bank for air. No matter what, Castiel couldn't and wouldn't kill him. He was still his brother after all. And he wasn't going to loose him again. Castiel looked back at the house to see Dean staring at him like he didn't even know him. He gave him a look of disgust and shame before looking down at his brother and realizing what he had done. He ran off into the forest, needing to be alone.

Dean struggled to get between them and break up the fight, but Jimmy's fist connected with the side of Dean's head and he blacked out for a brief moment, falling down to the ground. He didn't know how long he was out for, but when he opened his eyes and struggled dizzily to his feet, he saw Castiel standing by the edge of the lake, his clothes splattered with water and his eyes wide and feral. Jimmy was on the ground by his feet, soaking wet and struggling to breathe. Dean raised his eyes to Castiel's and just stared at him in horror. He'd never seen Cas look like this, ever. And it scared him. Jimmy's arrival at the cabin had really broken something inside Cas, stirred painful, dark memories that should have been locked away forever. As soon as Cas began running off into the trees, Dean hurried clumsily over to Jimmy and fell to his knees beside him, resting a hand on his chest uncertainly. "Jimmy, are you hurt?" He asked, looking him over. It chilled him to see this young man who looked exactly like Castiel, but he was so different from him. He noticed some swelling bruises on Jimmy's face, and he was coughing, spitting water.

Jimmy flinched when someone touched his chest. He thought Castiel was going to hit him again but when he looked up just enough to see a pair of green eyes he let himself relax just enough. Dean hadn't hurt him..yet. He had reason to believe that Dean would not harm him but still he flinched. He spat up the rest of the water, lowering his gaze from Dean's. "P-Please d-d-don't hurt me," he whimpered, getting to 440 in his head before having to say the numbers aloud. "441..442..443.."

Dean was a little startled when Jimmy met his eyes briefly, he'd never actually done that before. "I'm not gonna hurt you," Dean said gently, taking Jimmy's arm and helping him sit up. He was muttering numbers under his breath and looked very unhappy and tense, and Dean sighed. He pulled Jimmy to his feet and hesitantly hovered nearby in case he was going to collapse, and he looked him up and down. "Shit, you're a mess. Come on, let's go back inside."

Jimmy let Dean move him, not wanting to upset or anger him. He made it back into the house and curled up on the floor near the fireplace, trying to keep warm. "I-I-I'm sorry," he stuttered, shivering heavily as the water began to send chills down his spine. "P-P-Please d-dont hurt me," he said again, trying to keep calm.

Dean walked beside Jimmy back up to the house, wincing at the pain in his ankle and the throbbing in his head. Jimmy didn't seem to realize he'd hit Dean and it didn't even matter, so he didn't comment on it. As soon as they reached the house Jimmy headed straight for the fireplace and folded himself up into a ball on the floor in front of the low flames, shivering violently. Dean closed the front door and sighed. The sun had gone behind clouds and Dean looked out the window, worried it was going to start raining while Cas was still out there. "Jimmy, get up. You need to put on dry clothes," Dean said firmly as he went into the bedroom and took some of his own clothes out of the closet for Jimmy to wear, and he grabbed some dry towels as well.

Jimmy whimpered, stripping down to his naked body without any hesitation to what he was doing. The nurses at the hospital had seen him naked. His family had. He didn't know that what he was doing was socially unacceptable. He folded each piece of clothing up so they were stacked into a neat pile on the floor with his shoes placed carefully on top. He grimaced at the colour of his stomach. How the skin was slowly turning a darker colour with the bruises which were forming. He stood there, observing, oblivious to the fact he was naked, standing in front of the fireplace and waiting for Dean to tell him what to do.

Dean came out of the bedroom holding the clothing and towels and froze when he saw that Jimmy had undressed and was completely naked, just standing there with the wet, muddy clothes he'd been wearing folded on the ground beside him. Dean blinked and averted his eyes, walking up to him to hand him a towel. "Here, dry yourself off. Make sure to dry your hair, too. You're dripping all over the floor." As Dean backed away, he noticed the bruising already forming on Jimmy's skin and he grimaced. "Jesus. Cas really pounded on you, didn't he."

Jimmy looked at the towel and carefully took it, trying not to be bothered by being handed things in person. Dean was just trying to help he had to tell himself as he murmured under his breath the theory of Schrödinger's cat. He dried off his hair and then his body, folding the towel once it had been used and placed it beside his wet clothes on the floor. "28 times. 14 to the facial area and 14 to the torso. 10 of which were more grabs than vitals hits," he said aloud, keeping his head down and pulled absently at his hair.

Dean frowned and handed Jimmy the pair of boxers and sweatpants. "Put these on," he said, his tone a little softer now. Jimmy's head was tilted down, and Dean couldn't really see his face to assess the damage, but he didn't want to touch Jimmy and freak him out more than he already was. "He was angry," Dean explained, not knowing if Jimmy even cared about the emotional aspect of what had happened. "I wanna look at those bruises, if you don't mind. You should probably put ice on them to reduce the swelling."

Jimmy tilted his head just enough to observe Dean holding out some clothing for him. He took them stiffly. Putting on the boxers and sweatpants. They were a little loose and the sweatpants hung low on his hips but that was to be expected. Dean was at least 1.5 inches wider around the waist than he was. Possibly 2. He lifted his head a little, just enough to allow the light to show his bruises on his face but he didn't look at Dean. He kept his eyes averted so he didn't anger the other.

Dean hissed though his teeth in sympathy when Jimmy raised his head a little to reveal the bruises, but Dean still couldn't see the full extent of the damage. "Jimmy, look at me," he ordered gently, stepping a little bit closer. "It's alright, I'm not going to hurt you. I won't even touch you. I just want to look, okay?" Dean tilted his head down a little and tried to meet Jimmy's eyes. "I know you don't know me very well but you can trust me, I promise. Just please look at me."

Jimmy shook his head. "I trusted you with him," he said quietly. "He still tried to kill himself." How could he have trusted Dean with his brother. Sure he'd insured he hadn't cut himself since. He'd still only counted ten scars but his brother had tried to kill himself. He'd never done that before to his knowledge. "You should have stopped him." He refused to look at Dean but tilted his head again so Dean could see him. Only he shut his eyes, refusing to look at the other.

Dean leaned forward a little and examined Jimmy's bruised, swollen face. Dean loved the shit out of Castiel, but this made him so angry. He went into the kitchen to get some ice out of the freezer and wrap it up in a towel, and he brought it back to Jimmy. "I did stop him," he said coldly, "He's alive because of me, but you're the reason he tried to kill himself in the first place. Do you even care about what happens to him?"

Jimmy opened his eyes once he felt Dean move away. Dean stopped him. So he was of some use. He'd saved his brother. For that he should trust him a little. He was good natured at least. That much was clear. He took the ice pack carefully and placed it gently against his forehead. "Of course," he said quietly, looking at the floor. "That's why I was confident my plan would work." He tentatively tilted his head up to look Dean in the eyes. It was only for a second but it was long enough to say what needed to be said. "He has you."

Dean looked back into Jimmy's eyes, but the contact didn't last long and he was back to staring down at the floor. "Jimmy," Dean sighed tiredly, rubbing his eyes. He didn't know what to do now. Cas was still outside somewhere and it looked like it could rain, but Jimmy was here all beat up and Dean didn't want to leave him alone to go looking for Cas. "Yeah, he has me," he agreed quietly. "Hey. You wanna sit down and relax? He'll be back eventually, and then you can talk to him."

Jimmy shook his head, curling his arms around his own middle. "He won't want to talk to me," he said quietly, just looking at the ground. "I'd like to go to sleep now," he said, walking towards the bed, assuming he was allowed to sleep there again. He was tired and didn't want to have to talk to anyone right now. He went into the room, closing the door silently behind him and climbed into bed, lying stiffly above the sheets as he examined his bruises.

Dean watched as Jimmy turned and walked stiffly into the bedroom and shut the door behind him. Dean stood there for a moment trying to decide what to do to fix things. Finally, he sighed and picked up the folded stack of soggy clothing and towels and put them in the washing machine. He sat down on the couch and stared unhappily at the closed bedroom door, wishing there was some way he could help. Jimmy had said he was going to sleep, but Dean wasn't sure he was actually planning on doing that. He stood up after a few minutes and knocked on the door gently. "Jimmy, can I come in?" he asked hesitantly.

Jimmy jumped a little as Dean knocked on the door. He contemplated the pros and cons of letting Dean in before deciding he wasn't a threat he nodded a little before letting out a weak. "Yes." He kept the ice on his stomach and looked away as Dean came in. He kept his head low and refused to meet the other's eyes still wary of him and what he had to say.

Dean entered the room quietly and put his hands in his pockets as he shuffled towards the foot of the bed and sat down on the edge of it, being careful not to accidentally touch Jimmy's feet as he did so. "Listen, I know that last night and today were miserable, but everything is going to work out. I just want you to know that you can trust me and I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to help you and Cas, okay?" He paused and looked up at Jimmy's face. "Can we be friends?"

Jimmy curled up a little, hugging his legs again so there was a space between him and Dean. He considered Dean's words carefully. He nodded a little. It'd be nice to have friends. He'd never had one before. He just had family. He had Castiel. "I'd like t-to be your friend, D-Dean." He put his hand on the space between them, palm upwards in some sort of gesture. That's what friends did, right? Show their affections in a physical way too?

Dean watched uncertainly as Jimmy extended his hand towards him a little bit, and then Dean carefully slid his hand towards Jimmy's and touched his fingers lightly, watching his face the entire time. "Thank you, Jimmy," Dean said quietly, hardly daring to breathe in this fragile moment. Jimmy was giving him a small display of trust right now and although he still wouldn't look into Dean's eyes this was something. "How are you feeling? Are you in a lot of pain?"

Jimmy felt Dean's fingers touch his for a moment and he couldn't help but smile a little before moving away giggling to himself and wrapped his arms back around his legs. "Yes," he whispered, laughter subsiding. "But the pain is heightened without my medication. I am no longer in a constant state of numbness." He wasn't sure if Dean would understand but he said it aloud anyway before rubbing his bare stomach with the ice pack to try and soothe the pain.

Dean smiled a little too as Jimmy giggled and curled up in a ball on his side again. "So you're off your meds now, huh?" Dean said softly, "I can give you some over-the-counter painkillers, if you want. If you think it would help. And more ice, maybe?" Dean looked at Jimmy's chest and stomach, wincing at the dark bruises that were already forming. Dean wasn't sure if Jimmy would be comfortable with taking pills, even if they were as harmless as painkillers, but he didn't want the poor guy to be in pain.

Jimmy shook his head. "I don't want to take pills anymore," he told the bed. He giggled a little, rocking gently to try and keep himself from crying. "I-I-I'd like some ice though. I-It'd be more appreciated..friend." He giggled a little nervously at the term friend but he found it amusing and found himself warming up to the term. He played with his hair a little, tugging it a bit to try and shift the pain from his stomach to his head.

Dean nodded in understanding and stood up. "Yeah, that's okay. And no problem, I'll go grab you some ice." He left the room feeling a little better about things. At least he had Jimmy under control, now he just had to deal with Cas after he'd cooled off. He got some more ice out of the freezer and this time put it in several small plastic bags so it wouldn't melt everywhere, and wrapped them in towels. When he went back into the bedroom, he saw Jimmy tugging at his hair. "Hey, don't do that," he said, setting the ice packs down beside Jimmy and gently taking both of Jimmy's hand and pulling them down to his sides. "Here's your ice, man."

Jimmy almost jumped out of his skin when Dean took his hands. He expected him to drag him or hurt him like he had when he pulled him out of the car. He made a whimpering noise, letting his shaking hands rub down his leg and back up, unsure what to do. "T-T-T-hanks," he whispered, taking the ice hesitantly before placing it down on his stomach and sighing softly.

Dean stepped back, looking at Jimmy in concern. He was clearly very nervous and he could hardly speak without stuttering, and it made Dean feel somewhat useless. "Do you want something to read, Jimmy?" He asked, "We don't have very many books here right now, but we've got the phone book and a few of my novels from school." Dean didn't know what Jimmy was used to doing, but he knew that people with autism sometimes had specific habits that made them feel more comfortable, and Jimmy was good with numbers so Dean thought he would offer, just in case.

Jimmy gave him an odd look. Why was he offering him the phone book? He wasn't Rain Man. "N-No. Thank you," he said quietly, playing with his feet and let out a small giggle. "I-I'd just like to be a-alone," he said, trying to hide his fear of his brother's return from his newfound friend. He bit his lip as the ice stung a little but it helped enough.

Meanwhile, Castiel was sat on the porch outside, refusing to come inside. He didn't deserve to. Not after the way he treated his brother. He'd almost drowned him. What the hell had he been thinking?! He needed help. Serious help with this one. His brother was back and he was going crazy because of it. So many memories came flooding back. Memories he hadn't thought about in years. Some he never wanted to see again. He tugged at his hair in frustration and groaned. It was all too much. He should have stayed in the forest. At least there there was no one to disappoint.

Dean shrugged and smiled slightly. "Okay. I'll leave you alone. Let me know if you need anything." Dean left the room and closed the door behind him, sighing. It was starting to rain and Dean knew he should go looking for Castiel, and he thought Jimmy would be fine on his own now since he seemed less upset. He tried calling Cas but he tossed his phone aside when he heard it ringing in the house, and it was sitting right on the kitchen table. He pulled his hood up and opened the door, prepared for a sudden downpour, but he was surprised to see Cas sitting right on the porch. "Oh, you're back." he said, and stood there awkwardly for a moment before just sitting down beside him on the step. "What the hell happened, Cas?"

Castiel tensed when he heard someone come outside and sit beside him. Then he heard Dean's voice and he just broke into tears. "I don't know," he sobbed helplessly. His voice quiet and shaking badly. "God, Dean. I'm so sorry." He couldn't even look at Dean. He felt like he was going to throw up again just for thinking about what he'd done. "I just couldn't stop myself. L-L-Like I-I-I-I was blaming him for everything. Letting out all of m-m-m-my anger." He hung his head in shame and covered his face with his hands in an attempt to hide from Dean.

Dean looked at Castiel hesitantly but didn't move any closer to him or offer any comfort. He was pretty pissed off about what Cas had done to Jimmy, it wasn't like Cas to be so violent. "It's not me you need to apologize to," Dean told him flatly. "But I don't think Jimmy's going to be very happy to see you." Dean sat there for another moment, listening to Castiel sob and choke on his breath, trembling and teeth chattering. "I think you need to calm down and go in there and talk to him," he said, softening his tone a little. "You need to fix this, Cas."

Castiel felt hurt that Dean wouldn't comfort him. It only reminded him of how bad he'd actually let things get. He sobbed a little before standing and walking past Dean without saying another word. Dean was pissed at him. There was nothing he could do about that until he fixed things with Jimmy. He went inside and knocked on the bedroom door hesitantly. "Hey buddy," he whispered, closing the door behind him. Jimmy went stiff and just stared at Castiel with wide eyes. Castiel held out his hands in an innocent gesture and didn't move closer. "I'm here to apologize. I'm not gonna hurt you anymore. I promise." Jimmy was reluctant to accept the words but gave a small nod in acknowledgement anyway. "I-I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't mean to hurt you. I would never-" but he had. He bit his lip to stifle a small sob. "I love you, Jimmy," he said firmly, despite the quiver in his voice "Always have. Always will. Just...I thought you were dead. A-And to see you back. It brought back a lot of things." He paused, shaking his head. "A lot of things." Jimmy lifted his head enough to see Castiel standing defeatedly in the doorway. He was still afraid of Castiel. It would take a while for his brother to earn his trust again but despite it all he still cared about Castiel. He'd spent years, making sure he didn't go mad in that hospital. He deserved another chance because his dedication did indicate to Jimmy that he was sincere about his declaration of love. "A-Apolgoy a-a-acepted," he mumbled, playing with his fingers to avoid looking at Castiel. Castiel let out a small breath in relief, tugging at his hair lightly he thanked Jimmy and closed the door carefully on his way out. He went back outside, avoiding Dean, figuring he'd acted like an animal. He should be treated like one and sleep outside.

Dean tensed up in preparation for another fight to break out as Cas went inside to Jimmy. He didn't think Cas would lose his temper again after seeing what he'd done to Jimmy, but Dean would rather be safe than sorry. Dean kept the door open a little bit, leaning back and holding it with one hand so he'd be able to hear if anything happened. After a few minutes, Castiel came back out alone and walked right past Dean, a dead look in his eyes that gave Dean chills. Dean let the door swing closed and watched Cas walk down the hill towards the lake and woods, his shoulders a hard, tense line. Dean didn't know if he should approach Cas yet, but it kind of looked like Cas wanted to left alone. It was colder now, and starting to rain harder, and Dean wrapped his arms around his middle and waited under the cover of the porch roof, wishing there was something he could do to fix things instantly.

Castiel walked towards lake, looking down the bank and at his own reflection. He'd tried to drown Jimmy here. Tried to drown himself here. It took a moment for him to notice it wasn't just the rain obscuring the water but his own tears as they dropped into the water, causing it to ripple and distort his reflection. "Forgive me father for I have sinned," he mumbled under his breath. His eyes were closed and he slowly took a step into the water. He held his arms out like he was on a cross. Like Jesus, he wished to be reborn. Free from sin and to be forgiven. To be bathed in the waters of his crime and to resurface clean and forgiven. The water was up to his chest when he finally dove under only to resurface moments later with a soft gasp. He looked around, then up to the sky. He felt the same. Even in times of need God would not hear him pray. Always a reassuring thought.

Dean stood up as Castiel started walking into the water, arms raised at his sides as he stepped deeper and deeper. The image was strangely biblical and haunting, and Dean hurried down to stand at the shore in case Cas was planning on attempting suicide again, which Dean would not allow to happen. "Cas!" He yelled when he dove under the water, blinking rain out of his eyes as it suddenly started pouring cold rain. He was about to take his shoes and shirt off and run into the lake after Cas to pull him out, but he didn't have to because Cas rose again a moment later and then he squinted up into the rain at the sky. "Cas, let's go inside, it's freezing." Dean yelled out to him.

Castiel couldn't hear Dean. He was too busy staring at the sky, trying to blink the rain out of his eyes as he growled under his breath. "You happy now, God? I remember EVERYTHING." His breathing was ragged as he held his arms up and shouted at the sky like some crazed drunk yelling at a cat. "ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!" He breathed deeply, letting his body completely sag. He flicked a hand through his hair to get the water to stop dripping over his face. The priest. His father. His Aunty. His cousin. Jimmy. Balthazar. Gabriel. Even Dean. He remembered it all. Every single thing they'd done to make Castiel's life a living hell and it was slowly eating him alive. He made it to the grassy bank and gave Dean the emptiest stare. He didn't move. Didn't say anything. He was gone.


	52. Chapter 52

The moment Castiel met his eyes, Dean's blood froze in his veins and he forgot to breathe. This person in front of him didn't even look like Castiel. He looked dead. There was nothing familiar about those blue eyes Dean had fallen in love with, and Dean was scared. He was terrified of this person, because it wasn't Castiel. They stood there staring at each other for what felt like years before Dean realized he was crying. A sob escaped him and he didn't even try to stifle it. He felt like he was dying, because Castiel looked like a dead, empty shell of himself and he didn't know if he'd ever get him back. He'd walked out of the water as if he was reborn. "Cas," Dean sobbed, taking a step closer to him. The rain was pounding down cold over them now, and Dean didn't know if he was shaking from the cold, or fear, or hopelessness. Maybe all three.

Castiel didn't even recognise his own name as it uttered past Dean's lips. it just sounded like the teachers from Charlie Brown. God that was a good show. He wished they had a TV so he could watch some cartoons. Something bright and colourful to distract him from the misery and darkness that was his life. Castiel blinked the rain out of his eyes before heading back into the cabin without saying another word. He peeled out of his clothes, dumping them in a pile on the porch before heading inside and collapsing on the floor, naked, in front of the fire. His body curled up as if newborn despite the heavy burden that weighed down his shoulders. He closed his eyes and opened them slowly, watching the flames of the fire dance and taunt him. He was almost certain it was laughing at him. He found himself not caring.

Dean couldn't breathe. He was suffocating and his heart was a heavy stone in his chest. He couldn't move as Castiel walked past him and straight into the house, and all Dean could do was stare down at the ground and try to breathe. As soon as Castiel was out of sight, Dean's knees buckled and he fell to the muddy, cold ground, choking and gasping for air. This was the first real panic attack he'd had in years, and it was almost as bad as when his mother had died. His heart pounded painfully fast against his ribs and he couldn't suck enough air into his lungs, and suddenly he was double over, retching and choking but nothing came up out of his stomach. He wheezed on every breath an he couldn't move, couldn't stop shaking. Eventually, he remembered what he was supposed to do when this happened; something that had worked since he was a kid. He rolled onto his back and sprawled his arms out, taking a breath and holding it for five seconds. He repeated this several times until his heart rate slowed a little and the ringing in his ears fade away, and he closed his eyes and finally relaxed all his muscles. He felt nothing but the cold rain pelting down over him.

Castiel watched the fire go for several minutes. What felt like hours as he let his mind wander. Exploring the memories he had once repressed. The day Jimmy seized in church. How the priest had thought a demon were possessing him and proceeded to throw holy water and him and speak in Latin instead of call an ambulance. How Jimmy had spent months in hospitals getting assessed and transferred until he ended up being sectioned when he set fire to his hair and tried to jump out of the attic window on the second floor. It'd been stressful on them all. Gabriel only got worse. As did his father. They both beat Castiel. He was the youngest, using him as an outlet. Much like Castiel had with Jimmy this evening.

Dean never wanted to get up off the wet ground. It was cold and his skin was starting to feel numb, but he could finally breathe and he was calming down. As he came back to his senses, he realized that he had to go inside and face Cas. After another moment, he forced himself up and walked towards the house, his clothes plastered to his skin and his entire body shivering badly. He saw Castiel's wet clothes in a pile on the porch and he followed suit, peeling off his soaked clothing and walking into the house wearing just his underwear. He found Cas curled up naked in front of the fire, and he walked shakily over to him and crouched down beside him. "Cas," he said, "Castiel. Get up, you need to get in the bath. You're shivering."

Castiel heard footsteps but he was too lost in his own thoughts to react to them. It's only when Dean used his full name did he look up at him in confusion. He'd never heard him call him Castiel before. It was..weird. Detached. He didn't like it. He shook his head, hiding his face in his arms for a moment before standing up. He refused to do what Dean told him. Not when he spoke to him like his father. His name wasn't Castiel. Never would be again. He was Cas and only Cas. He glared at Dean. Hurt beyond belief before stepping away and into the kitchen to make some tea.

Dean kept himself from flinching when Cas turned a cold glare on him and just walked right past him into the kitchen. "Cas, seriously. You're really scaring me. Please, just... This isn't you, Cas." Dean's voice was shaking and he had to grit his teeth to stop them from chattering. Cas was making tea, of all things. Dean almost felt like laughing, it was such a domestic, everyday thing to do, as if there was nothing wrong. Cas was naked and soaking wet, water dripping from his hair onto his shoulders and sliding down his tattooed, muscled back. It was just ironic, and Dean strangely felt like laughing and crying at the same time. "Cas." He said a little louder, his voice breaking. "Please. Where are you?"

Castiel had to stop making tea when Dean asked where he was. That caused him to flinch and grind his teeth. He was right here couldn't he see that? Couldn't he see he was trapped in here? They were supposed to be a team. How could Dean not tell when his partner was in trouble. "Right here, asshat," he said coldly, dumping a teabag into a cup as he waited for water to boil. He looked up at Dean, cocked his head and grinned. "So sorry. Don't you recognise me if I'm not made of rainbows and unicorns every moment of the fucking day?" he snapped, gripping the side of the kitchen counter tight.

Dean sucked in a shaky breath and wiped away his tears angrily. "No, I don't fucking recognize you because I've never seen you like this. I don't know who I'm speaking to right now and I am so fucking scared, Cas." Dean couldn't stop shivering, and the only sound that broke the tense silence was the sound of water starting to boil. Dean glanced at the boiling pot of water and was suddenly terrified. He moved quickly, putting himself between Cas and the stove, not feeling safe when Cas was acting like this with boiling water within reach. A small part of him felt guilty for not trusting Cas, but he couldn't be blamed for being uneasy and trying to prevent something bad from happening.

Castiel frowned, watching as Dean moved between him and the stove. "It's for Jimmy," he spat angrily, hurt to think Dean couldn't trust him with such a thing. "Since when have you ever seen me drink tea?" He shook his head, brushing past Dean with a mug and carefully poured the hot water into the mug. He scowled at Dean before padding towards the bedroom, knocking softly, entering, leaving the cup by the bed then reentering the main living area. "You're a piece of work, you know that?" he grumbled hurtfully at Dean, unable to believe this man couldn't trust him. After everything they'd been through.

Dean threw his hands up angrily in defeat and rolled his eyes, sighing angrily. "Okay, Cas. You do whatever the fuck you want, I don't give a shit. I'm taking a shower." Dean stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. He started the water and got in, but he suddenly doubled over as silent, breathless sobs wracked his body. He curled up in the fetal position in the bottom if the bathtub and let the water fall on him, this time hot instead of cold rain. He pressed his head to his knees and just let it all out. He didn't know what had happened to them, but something was broken and Dean didn't know how to fix it. What scared him the most was that this was something too big, a cut too deep to ever heal.

Castiel shook his head in disbelief, scoffing and pacing around, unsure what to do. He didn't want to disturb Jimmy. He'd given him his tea. Hopefully that would be a step closer to making up with his brother. There was not much else he could do tonight. Then there was Dean. God. He didn't even know where to begin with that. Their relationship was just too broken. He didn't even know where to begin. His first thought was to make sandwiches. He went into the kitchen and focussed on that. Food would do them both some good. He tried not to use the knife when possible. Only using it to cut the sandwiches in half before hiding the item back in the draw before temptation got too much. He took the plate of sandwiches and hesitantly knocked on the bathroom door, waiting for Dean.

Dean eventually got out of the shower and splashed cold water on his face before wrapping a towel around his face. He wasn't looking forward to leaving the isolation of the bathroom, but there was a knock on the door and Dean had to open it. "What?" He muttered angrily, glaring at Cas before pushing past him and quietly going into the bedroom where Jimmy was sleeping to get some clothes. He stepped back out of the room and put the sweatpants on but didn't bother with a shirt. He threw himself on the couch and stared expressionlessly up at the beamed wooden ceiling.

Castiel didn't appreciate being treated like this. He was trying to make things right. When Dean came back into the room he followed him over to the couch and peered over him, still holding the plate like it was Simba from The Lion King. "I made you a sandwich, asshole. Least you could do is eat it," he grumbled, deciding to just sit on Dean's lap and eat one of the sandwiches until Dean decided to join him and stopped acting so childish.

Dean growled and pushed Cas off his lap, sitting up and glaring at him. "I'm not hungry," he spat, "Put some fucking pants on and tell me what the fuck is going on." Dean was unbelievably angry. Cas thought he could just fix things by giving Dean food. He had never been this angry at Cas before, and he was restraining himself from screaming and throwing things.

Castiel raised an eyebrow when Dean threw him on the floor but he didn't care. Just continued to eat. "My clothes are wet, Dean. We haven't had time to bring things up. Jimmy is wearing my underwear. I don't have anything else." He took a bite of a sandwich and stared at Dean. "I don't know what's going on. Jimmy's return has caused me to relive a good ten years of repressed memories. It's not exactly easy to deal with that on top of the fact that, oh yeah, my brother came back from the dead. You know, the one I almost died for?" He shook his head taking a deep breath. "I'm having difficulties Dean. I don't need you up my ass about it too. I need you you to help me. We're supposed to be a team...god damn it!" Castiel took a deep breath and looked up at Dean tiredly. "So could you please. Just eat this fucking sandwich and pretend with me for five minutes that everything hasn't just gone to shit?" he asked defeatedly.

Dean sighed and tossed a blanket from the couch to Cas. He rubbed a hand over his face miserably, feeling a headache start right under the scar where his skull had nearly cracked open in the car accident. He shook his head, feeling sick. "I'm not hungry, Cas." He repeated tiredly, closing his eyes and rubbing the scar on his head to try to soothe the headache. "Pretending isn't going to solve anything. We need to talk about this now, and just get everything out in the open. How am I supposed to help you if we're screaming at each other?"

Castiel shook his head. "I can't. It's late. Please." He was almost begging despite the fact he had no reason to. He put the plate down and laid down on the floor. He draped the blanket around his hips, and faced the fire. His back to Dean, displaying his wings. "Please, Dean," he said quieter. "Just..lie with me? I'll tell you everything. Just..not like this. I can't talk about this if we're shouting." It was a sensitive subject and Castiel wasn't keen on telling Dean about it to his face. He'd fell a bit more comfortable if he didn't have to at all but this seemed like the only choice he was getting given.

Dean looked at Cas sadly, tracing the outlines of the wings with his eyes. Dean wordlessly slid off the couch and moved up so he was behind Cas, wrapping an arm around his middle and resting his palm right over Castiel's heart. He sighed into Castiel's damp hair and closed his eyes, believing for just a moment that this was all a bad dream. "I'm here," he whispered, feeling Castiel's body relax a little as the warmth of his skin soaked into Dean's chest.

Castiel let his eyes slip closed and sighed audibly when Dean slid in beside him. The heat radiated off of Dean. Between him and the fire, Castiel began to warm up enough to feel at least a little comfy. "Jimmy's beaten me before," Castiel said quietly, deciding he had to start somewhere. "That's how I know he can fight." He took in a sharp breath, trying to not let the memory consume him. "Gabriel talked him into it. Told him I messed up his half of the room or somethin'. I don't know. He didn't know what he did was wrong. He was always the weaker one like that. Wasn't until today I remembered that Jimmy had done that. My own brother. The one I sacrificed everything for. He was willing to just forget that just 'cause someone told him too."

Dean pressed his lips softly to the back of Castiel's neck and sighed again, scooting in a little closer so his body curled around Castiel's. He didn't know what to say, so he just listened. He tried to picture a young Cas and Jimmy fighting over a pointless argument planted in their heads by the sadistic Gabriel. He'd always thought they got along pretty well, but Dean was quickly learning that Castiel's family was more fucked up than he'd known.

Castiel sighed, opening his eyes and stared at the flames of the fire as they died out gradually. "I've told you. How, Jimmy and I were close. Well, him coming back. It's made me realize that he wasn't always the saint I made him out to be. He's just as bad as my brother's, under their influence. I guess..I just wanted someone to be there for me. To be my friend. And I made Jimmy that way. Pretended he was good and blocked out the bad stuff." Castiel shook his head again. "Doesn't matter. It's all over now. I just want to sleep."

Dean's heart ached for Castiel. He wished there was some way to take away all the pain from his past, but all Dean could do was hold him and offer comfort. They lay in silence for a long time, just breathing together as the dying flames crackled softly. It was late and Dean was tired, but he knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep easily after hearing what Cas had to say. "Get some sleep, baby. I'll watch over you, and I'll be here when you wake up." He kissed the back of Castiel's neck softly and sighed into his hair. "I love you, don't ever forget that."

Castiel fell asleep pretty easily. Not that he wanted to. He was afraid Dean might leave if he did that. He wouldn't blame him either. He just couldn't help but drift off, both physically and emotionally drained. What else was he to do? When he awoke in the morning, he was surprised to find Dean still lying with him. Not only that but Jimmy, sat on the couch, counting his cereal before he ate. He gave him a small apologetic smile but the other was too far gone in concentration to even look up. Castiel didn't want to disturb him so just snuggled up closer to Dean and enjoyed to slightly dysfunctional peace that his little family provided.

Dean was exhausted, but he couldn't fall asleep. He has a terrible headache, and he didn't know if it was because of stress or from when Jimmy punched him. He forced himself to relax, because he didn't want to wake up Cas. Eventually, he fell into a restless, light sleep and woke up many times throughout the night. By the time morning came, he had actually fallen fast asleep out of pure exhaustion.

Castiel kissed Dean's forehead tenderly, stroking the hair out of his face before noticing a slight bruise on his cheekbone. He frowned, tracing the reddish colour with a fingernail. He didn't remember Dean having this before. When did he get hit? Did he get so enraged last night he didn't remember hitting his own fiancé. "Shit," he muttered, pressing slow, light kisses over Dean's face in apology, stroking his hands down Dean's sides in an attempt to make him feel better.

Dean slowly began waking up when he felt light touches in his face and hands on his sides, and he hummed softly and curled his arms around the warm body beside him. Before he opened his eyes, he could pretend everything was okay and that yesterday had just been a bad dream. He heard a strange sound from above him that wasn't coming from Castiel, and he opened his eyes in confusion to see Jimmy sitting on the couch wearing Dean's extra clothes and methodically eating dry cereal. The sound was the crunching as he ate it. Dean turned his gaze to Castiel and studied his face. "Hey," he murmured carefully, wondering what mood Cas would be in today.

Castiel let out a small breath of air when Dean awoke. He gave a small smile and kissed his nose. "I love you too," he said softly, remembering hearing Dean say it just before he fell asleep. He looked up at Jimmy for a moment, wanting to say he loved him as well but his brother was still counting. Never disrupt Jimmy when he's in a counting trance. He'll go berserk. "I'm sorry about yesterday," he murmured quietly, kissing Dean's chin tenderly.

Dean leaned in and pushed his nose against Castiel's, closing his eyes again and smiling slightly when Cas said he loved him. He let Cas kiss his face gently and sighed a little. "You were in shock from everything and felt lost," Dean guessed, "Everything's okay now, nobody's hurt. Well..." Dean stole a glance at Jimmy and then looked at Cas pointedly. "You got angry and that's fair, you have a lot of shit to be angry about. Just... Please try to stay calm today, alright?"

Castiel looked over at Jimmy, guilt pooling in the pit of his stomach. He swallowed dryly and nodded. "I-I will," he promised, looking back at Dean. "I'm sorry," he said again, dipping his head down to press a kiss over Dean's heart. "It won't happen again," he whispered, curling his arms up to snake his fingers through Dean's hair. His nose pressed into the hollow dip of Dean's cheek as his lips pressed a tender kiss to his jaw. "I don't want to hurt either of you again."

Dean squeezed Cas a little tighter and kissed his forehead gently. He didn't want to get up from this little nest of blankets, because Castiel's body was warm and firm against his and Dean was comfortable, and he didn't want to get up and face the day. Unfortunately, he had to use the bathroom and he poked Cas in the side. "Let me up, I gotta pee." Dean untangled himself from Cas and headed to the bathroom to relieve himself. When he was done, he waited in the bathroom for a few extra minutes to give Cas some time alone with Jimmy, because he was pretty confident they wouldn't start fighting again after last night. Dean studied his reflection the mirror and saw a bruise starting to form on his temple and spreading over to his cheekbone. He gingerly touched it and winced when he felt that it was swollen, and it felt much worse than it looked. His head was still throbbing slightly, but it was bearable and certainly nothing in comparison to what Jimmy must be feeling.

Castiel pouted when Dean moved and rolled over into Dean's spot to try and keep the warmth. The blankets still tugged over him, thankfully. He didn't exactly feel comfortable sitting their naked in front of his brother. Castiel hadn't realized that Jimmy had moved. The bowl was now on the floor by Castiel's head and Jimmy had curled his legs up onto the couch so he could hug them as he rocked gently. "158," he said aloud, looking at Castiel's forehead instead of his eyes. "That's like the whole box," Castiel gasped, pretending to be upset. Jimmy just laughed shaking his head. "The box is 874," Jimmy said simply. Castiel just shook his head in amazement. At least his brother was laughing. That had to be a step in the right direction.

Dean slowly left the bathroom and was surprised to find Jimmy and Cas smiling. It was definitely reassuring and Dean breathed a sigh of relief. He walked over to the dryer and pulled out the clothes that he'd put in last night and brought them over to Jimmy and Cas. "Here," he said, tossing a pair of underwear to Cas. He handed Jimmy's clothes to him. "Everything's there, but your shoes are going to have to sit outside in the sun to dry."

Castiel jumped a little when underwear was thrown at him but then he shuffled around and put them on beneath the covers and practically moaned in delight. "Warm boxers," he hummed, snuggling back down into the warmth of the blankets. Jimmy looked at the clothes cautiously and with wide eyes. He carefully took the clothes, twitching a little at the way they were folded. He nodded in acknowledgement before walking into the bathroom to shower and change.

Dean snorted in amusement at Castiel and watched as Jimmy took the clothes and headed into the bathroom. As soon as Jimmy was in the bathroom with the door closed, Dean sat down on the couch and rubbed his eyes tiredly, wincing slightly at the ever-persistent headache. "So... is there anything I should know about Jimmy?" Dean asked, "What he likes, dislikes, things he needs?"

Castiel leant on his elbow to look up at Dean. He was annoyed he didn't come join him on the floor so he wrapped the blanket around his shoulders and went up to Dean and sat in his lap, nuzzling at his shoulder and neck. "I don't know. Just don't disturb him when he's counting. Other than that just be gentle with him. He likes burgers though. Maybe we can take him out or something?"

Dean rested his head against Castiel's shoulder and wrapped his arms around him, leaning back against the couch and rubbing his hands up and down Castiel's black over the blanket. "Okay. Does he still get really nervous about touching and eye contact, things like that?" Dean hadn't seen much of Jimmy and he didn't know if he'd react badly to anything unfamiliar. "But, yeah. We can take him out with us if you think it's a good idea."

Castiel nodded. "Yeah he's not that good with touching and stuff. I'd try and stay away from it unless he initiates it." He stroked Dean's side gently. "I don't think it's a good idea to take him out," Castiel said quietly. "But he needs to start getting used to being outside. He needs to start getting more independent."

Dean nodded in understanding and nuzzled Castiel's shoulder, sighing softly again. "Okay, whatever you think is best. He's your brother and you know him best." Dean was amazed that even after the huge fight last night, they still physically gravitated towards each other automatically, as if by magnetism. As a way to seek comfort and provide reassurance.

Castiel nodded, seeing his brother come out of the bathroom in clean clothes and small smile, despite his head being dipped down a little. Castiel stood up, kissing Dean's forehead. "Gonna go clean up then we can head into town." Castiel stood by Jimmy for a moment, a soft smile on his face. "You okay with going into town, buddy? Get some burgers?" Jimmy nodded, a small nervous smile on his face. Castiel smiled back before heading into the shower to wash up.

Dean nodded and watched as Jimmy came out of the bathroom and Cas went up to him. When Cas went into the bathroom, Dean turned his attention to Jimmy, who was just standing there looking uncertain with his head down. "Jimmy," Dean said gently, "How are you feeling? Is the pain any better today? Your face still looks pretty swelled up."

Jimmy took a hesitant step forward and showed Dean his face briefly like he'd been instructed to do the day before. "It's okay," he whispered, not looking at Dean. He dipped his head back down after a moment and played with the hem of his shirt. He stood there awkwardly until his brother came back out, clean and dressed and approached him carefully. "Ready to go?" he asked softly, Jimmy nodded slightly, not looking at Castiel either.

Dean sighed in relief when Cas came out of the bathroom and broke the uncomfortable silence. He stood up and smoothed the wrinkles out of his clothes and ran a hand through his hair. "Okay, let's go." Dean grabbed his wallet and keys and went outside to the Impala, getting in and starting the engine.

Castiel let Jimmy go out first, making sure he was okay. He seemed to take his time moving around but that was to be expected. He had beaten the living day lights out of him yesterday. They got in the car. Jimmy in the back and Castiel in the front. "You okay, buddy?" Castiel asked before they headed off. Jimmy nodded timidly, mumbling nervously under his breath.

Dean looked over his shoulder at Jimmy, who seemed more nervous now that he was in the car. "Do you want the radio on?" He offered, wanting Jimmy to feel safe and comfortable in this situation. He started driving away over the bumpy dirt road, going slow until they reached the main paved road, and then he headed into town.

Jimmy nodded shyly. He liked music. It helped him to think. Castiel turned the radio on with volume just high enough so it didn't disrupt Jimmy if he didn't want on. They made it into town and Jimmy looked absently out of the window, marking places he remembered from before. They got to the restaurant and Jimmy went stiff again. After a relaxing journey, listening to music, Jimmy had forgotten they'd have to face people and social situations. Castiel turned back to smile at Jimmy. "It'll be okay, buddy. I've got you. We both have." Castiel looked at Dean with a small smile before getting out the car and waited for Jimmy to head inside.

Dean shared the small smile with Cas and nodded at Jimmy in reassurance. He got out of the car and took Castiel's hand, looking over his shoulder at Jimmy, who'd gotten out of the car and was standing beside it. They began to walk into the restaurant, Jimmy following behind them, and a waitress sat them down at a table. Cas and Jimmy sat together on one side and Dean sat across from them, and he grinned at both of them. "Wow, seeing you guys next to each other is really cool. You look so identical."

When they got into the restaurant, Jimmy reached for Castiel's hand, afraid of the waitress. He sat in the corner so Jimmy could easily get out of the booth quickly if needs be. Castiel laughed a little and looked over at Jimmy. "Nah, Jimmy's the more handsome one," he grinned nudging Jimmy lightly a little to get a smile out of him. "What do you want, buddy?" Jimmy reached over for the menu and skimmed over the foods listed, calculating and observing before pointing to the one he wanted.

Dean laughed and looked down at his menu, deciding he might as well just go for it and get the double bacon cheeseburger, because he hadn't eaten red meat in ages and he was going to go all the way. A little while later the young waitress returned, smiling at Cas and Jimmy with interest. Dean cleared his throat quietly and smiled politely at the waitress, placing his order, and then looked to Cas and Jimmy to place theirs.

Castiel looked up from his menu when the waitress came along. He saw the way she was looking at them and cleared his throat awkwardly. "Hi, I'm gay and I'll have a cheeseburger, extra bacon, curly fries and a coke. And he's not interested and he'll have a cheeseburger, no seasoning, chunky fries and a chocolate milk," Castiel ordered quickly with a smug smile when the waitress blushed and looked taken back.

Dean looked down to hide his amused smirk as the waitress stuttered and shook her head quickly. "Oh no, I'm sorry - I didn't mean... your orders will be right out." Dean lifted his head when she was gone and couldn't contain his giggles any longer. He laughed and playfully threw a balled up napkin at Cas. "You really told her," he chuckled. "She was probably just fascinated by the whole twin thing, Cas. Not to rain on your parade or anything." He teased.

Castiel rolled his eyes and batted the napkin away. "Please. How could she resist us? We're hot," Castiel grinned, even getting Jimmy to smile a little despite his deep blush. "We're hot," he repeated, grinning a little at being in on a joke. Castiel laughed, smiling happily. "Sure are, buddy." Castiel let Jimmy put the menus back, taking his time to make sure they were stacked neatly in the corner on the stand.

Dean smiled at Cas and Jimmy, happy that Jimmy seemed relatively at ease with him and Cas in the restaurant. A little while later the waitress brought their drinks and food, and Dean tried not to giggle when he noticed she didn't look any of them in the eye and left as quickly as possible. "Yeah, she's probably gushing over the gorgeous twins in her section and people are going to want to trade tables with her so they can check you guys out."

Castiel snorted out a short laugh. He took one of Dean's french fries and ate it suggestively. He chuckled a little before eating his burger and moaned softly. "God damn. This is good." Jimmy nodded timidly in agreement, eating a few fries as he counted the seeds on his bun before taking a bite. "That good buddy?" Castiel asked, Jimmy nodded with a small smile.

Dean grinned at Castiel flirtatiously and took a big bite of his own burger, closing his eyes in pleasure at the taste of crunchy bacon and melted cheese. "Wow, that's amazing," he muttered around his mouthful of deliciousness, and then he looked curiously at Jimmy. "You wanna try some with bacon?" he offered. "You can have a bite of mine, if you want. It's really good."

Jimmy looked up at Dean and smiled a little nervously. He shook his head, swallowing the piece of burger in his mouth before responding. "No, thank you," he whispered, taking another bite of his own burger and humming a little. Castiel made a pouting face. "Maybe I want some," he said, despite having his own burger. He just liked being a greedy bastard.

"Cas, you have your own!" He protested, "I was offering it to Jimmy because he didn't get bacon on his. And you already stole one of my fries." Despite his complaints, Dean handed his burger across to Cas and took a few fries of Castiel's plate in exchange. A comfortable silence fell over them before Dean remembered something that made his heart sink. "Uh, do you guys think you should let your family know Jimmy's alive? Like, your mom and Michael. Just so they know?" Dean knew that they cared about Jimmy, but he wasn't quite sure about the rest of the family. Balthazar seemed kind of okay now, but Dean hadn't actually seen him yet.

Castiel grinned, taking the biggest bit he could out of Dean's burger. "I've already told them," Jimmy whispered. "C-C-Castiel was my last stop." Castiel swallowed the large piece of burger and washing it down with coke. "It's okay, buddy. You're safe now." Castiel gave a soft sigh and ate his curly fries sadly, giving Dean a tired look.

Dean glared at Cas and took his burger back, along with a handful of Castiel's fries. He raised his eyebrows at Jimmy and then glanced over at Cas. "Really," he said carefully, taking a sip of his coke. "Okay." He didn't want to ask more potentially upsetting questions when they were out somewhere, so he just looked back at Cas and gave him a small smile, nudging his feet against Castiel's leg under the table.

Castiel felt Dean's foot against his and moved his foot to wrap around Dean's leg a little feel up his thigh with his socked foot. Jimmy had been eating casually when he dipped his head down low enough to see Castiel's shoe on the floor. "Y-You forgot your shoe," he said, oblivious to the fact Castiel was touching his fiancé under the table. "Oh." It took a moment before Jimmy turned red and left the table to go to the bathroom.

Dean almost choked on his soda when he felt Castiel's socked foot slide up his leg and up over his thigh, dangerously close to his crotch. Dean chewed on the straw and looked at Castiel with barely concealed amusement, but then Jimmy looked under the table and then blushed and quickly stood up and began walking towards the bathrooms in the back of the restaurant. Dean watched him and then turned to Cas with a questioning look. "Is he okay?"

Castiel shrugged. "He's not very good with intimacy. This sort of stuff makes him uncomfortable." He couldn't help but laugh at that. "I mean. Hell, if you saw Ruby givin' Sam one of these you'd sure be uncomfortable too." He moved his foot up and down Dean's thigh a little more before removing his foot when the waitress came to pick up their empty plates. He put some money on the table and stood up, going towards the exit to find Jimmy coming out of the bathroom. "Ready to go?" he asked quietly. Jimmy nodded, still blushing a little.

Dean nodded in understanding and chuckled as Cas continued to rub his foot against his thigh. "Yet he sat there on the couch while we were waking up this morning." Dean smiled at the waitress and stood up, slinging his arm over Castiel's shoulders as they headed towards the entrance. He didn't say anything to Jimmy, who still looked a bit embarrassed, but he did smile at him a little. Dean wondered how people from school would react if they saw Jimmy and Cas together. Not many people knew Cas had a twin. "So, I was thinking maybe we could start to move more of our stuff into the cabin?" Dean suggested, "Clothes, maybe go grocery shopping and get better food, stuff like that?"

Castiel nodded in agreement. "Yeah. That'd be good." He looked at Jimmy and bit his lip. "I'm gonna get Jimmy settled in at home first. Then we can do that together," he whispered to Dean. "I don't want to involve him too much. We still have our lives. And so does he...I mean he's got to keep his independence some how, you know?"

Dean nodded in understanding and got into the car. He wondered how Jimmy had spent all those months while he was 'dead', where he lived, how he got food and clothes and everything. That was a conversation for another time, though, and Jimmy had only just come back to Cas and would probably need time to adjust to everything again.

Castiel got in the car with Dean. Jimmy sat in the back with his hands in his lap and was content to just look out the window. When they got back to Castiel's. Castiel showed Jimmy to his room. Thankfully Balthazar wasn't there. He wasn't in the mood to talk to him right now. Especially with their not-so-dead brother by his side. He showed him Amber and Jimmy lightened up a bit, managing to connect more to the animal than he could humans. "Alright, so we'll just be in the next room," Castiel said but Jimmy was too far gone. Sitting cross-legged on the floor and counting Amber's whiskers as he stroked her.

Dean smiled at Jimmy's fascination with Amber and retreated out of the room after Cas. They went into Castiel's bedroom and Dean sat down on the edge of the bed. "I guess just get some clothes and things so we don't have a shortage like we did last night," he said, laying down on the bed and burying his face in the pillow that smelled like Cas. He hugged it and smiled. "Sorry. I'd help you but I'm too comfy."

Castiel rose an eyebrow. He went over to the door and shut it coming back to Dean with crossed arms. "Oh really?" he said, tone suggestive. "Hmm, well what if I'm too comfy too?" he murmured, thumping down onto the bed beside Dean and hooking a leg over Dean's. "Mmm, yes. Very comfy," he murmured, burying his nose in Dean's hair.

Dean watched Castiel closed the door and grinned at him suggestively. He patted the bed expectantly when Cas walked over, and immediately curled his arms around him when he got on the bed beside him, abandoning the pillow in favor of Cas. "Yeah, much comfier than the pillow." Dean relaxed and closed his eyes, resting his head on Castiel's chest and sighing.

"Mmm," Castiel hummed, running his hand down Dean's side. "So...where were we?" he drawled seductively. His hand went into Dean's hair and he inhaled deeply, letting out a small sigh. It felt good to have Dean in his arms. Something safe and reassuring after the mess that was yesterday.

Dean laughed quietly and grinned, pressing a lazy kiss to Castiel's neck, breathing in his familiar scent and soaking up the warmth of his skin. Castiel was the most comfortable place in the world and Dean wanted to stay in his arms forever. "You tell me," he murmured back, kissing Castiel's neck again gently, sliding a hand up Castiel's back under his shirt and resting it between his shoulder blades, fingers splaying out and chasing the warmth.

Castiel hummed, letting his eyes slid shut and his hand lower as he carefully traced the inside of Dean's thigh. "Well," he said, slow and casual. "I think we were right about here." He whispered quietly, lowering his face to capture Dean's lips in a slow, heated kiss. His hand pressed against Dean's thigh before moving away from his crotch and up his back lazily.

Dean closed his eyes and arched up into Castiel's touch, humming softly as they kissed and Cas touched him. Dean tilted his head up and sighed, lips parted and seeking the wet heat of Castiel's mouth. "You're such a tease," Dean whispered when they pulled apart for air, and he leaned up again to keep kissing Cas, laying on his back and pulling Cas more on top of him by the shoulders, hands fisting Castiel's shirt.

Castiel moaned a little, rolling easily on top of Dean and resting one leg between Dean's. His hands resting in Dean's hair as he kissed him again, stroking his hair tenderly just after tugging lightly on it. "You're so beautiful," he countered, nipping at Dean's bottom lip. Castiel nudged his knee against Dean's crotch, smiling bashfully. "God-Dean. I..I think I'm okay with this." He smiled happily, nudging his nose against Dean's neck and pressed kiss to the skin there.

Dean grinned and gasped a little when Castiel's leg pressed against his crotch. The feeling of Castiel's weight above him, his body firm and warm, combined with those strong hands playing with his hair, and the soft lips and light stubble against his neck made Dean's eyes flutter closed and he smiled blissfully, resting his hands on Castiel's back and tilting his head back into the pillows. "I love you," he murmured happily, turning his head to the side to grab Castiel's hair and gently pull his head up to kiss him on the mouth, gently cupping Castiel's cheek and jaw with his other hand while one of his legs wrapped around Castiel's and held him close.

Castiel chuckled a little, nuzzling a close to Dean as could as kissed and touched him experimentally. It'd been a while since they'd fooled around like this and Castiel hadn't felt happier for it. It meant he was getting better. And that was good for both him and Dean. "I love you, too," he whispered, kissing Dean's nose before turning them over. He wanted to test the waters. See how he could handle it with Dean on top. Taking control. On the bed that ruined him.

Dean made a surprised sound as Cas rolled them over so Dean was on top looking down at Cas, black hair messy on the white pillowcase and blue eyes looking up at Dean suggestively. Dean smiled slowly and then lowered himself down to kiss Cas again, arching against his body experimentally. They hadn't been in this position in a while, with Dean on top, and it was going to take some time to get used to and they'd have to move slow. Dean kissed Castiel with his entire soul, putting all his love into it and showing Cas just how much he meant to him, how much he was needed.

Castiel let out a small gasp and moan as Dean shifted until he was comfortable above him. His body covering his almost entirely and Castiel swallowed thickly at the intensity of it. It felt weird to have Dean on top of him, not quite dominating but close enough to push the comfort barrier away. "Dean," he whispered thickly, a small moan escaping his throat. He shifted a little, letting Dean slide a leg between his as he continued to kiss Dean to try and focus on something positive.

Dean easily slid his leg in the space between Castiel's when he opened his legs a little, slotting their hips together perfectly. He gasped and moaned quietly, kissing Castiel and gently running his fingers through that soft black mess of hair. He slid a hand down Castiel's side and rested on his hip, and then he pushed himself up a little bit to look into Castiel's eyes, bracing his hand on the bed beside Cas to look down at him. "Cas, you okay?" He breathed, studying Castiel's face carefully. This was only going to happen if Cas was completely on board with everything they were doing.

Castiel nodded a little, biting his bottom lip when Dean stopped kissing him. "Yes," he said shakily. "I want this. Want you, Dean," he insisted, despite the hesitance in his voice. His hand trailed from Dean's waist, up into his hair to play with it gently. "I trust you." He'd only ever let Dean touch him like this. No one else. The fact other's had tried made him feel sick. He wanted to get over that. He wanted to be able to touch Dean without feeling sick again.

Dean looked at Cas uncertainly for a moment, noticing the way his voice trembled and how he was biting his lip nervously. But there was nothing but pure honesty and trust in his eyes, and Dean smiled softly at him, lowering himself back down to kiss Castiel's neck. "I've got you. I'll take care of you, baby." Dean kissed his way back up to Castiel's mouth and captured his lips in a slow, passionate kiss, pressing his thigh against Castiel's crotch just slightly and moving his hips a little to start a slow rock.

Castiel melted into Dean's touch, trusting him to be true to his word. His movements were tentative and soothing and Castiel because to sigh happily and moan softly when Dean moved against him. He moved with him, just enough to cause some friction and feel his lower half stir. He kissed Dean back just as slow, adding a little more heat to the kiss as things picked up. His hands dipped beneath Dean's shirt and ran up his back against the smooth skin.

Dean shuddered in pleasure when he felt Castiel's hand wander up his back, fingertips slightly rough and calloused from guitar strings. Dean moaned and pushed down against Cas just a little bit harder, trying to improve the angle of his leg to make Cas feel it more. He rubbed against Cas a little faster, grinding against his thigh to create more friction between them, before he got frustrated with their clothing being in the way and he sat up on Castiel's lap, crossing his arms over his own chest and pulling his shirt off as seductively as he could, flexing his muscles and grinning at Cas suggestively. Once the shirt was off he tossed it aside and straddled Cas, still sitting up. He ground against him a little bit, moving around experimentally on Castiel's hips while rubbing his hands over his own chest and stomach, playing with his nipples and pulling at the waistband of his own pants with his thumbs.

Castiel gasped and moaned in surprise as Dean took of his own shirt and started touching himself. He wasn't just trying to please Castiel. He was giving him a chance to breathe. To not feel so suffocated and Castiel felt better for it. He sat up, Dean still in his lap. He rested back on his hands and just watched Dean for a moment, moaning softly as Dean ground against him. He carefully moved to take his own shirt off, throwing it to the floor as he wrapped his arms around Dean's middle to hook his hands around Dean's shoulders and bring his head to Dean's chest, mouthing at one of his nipples. His breath was shaky and uncertain, his body trembling either from need or fear. He wasn't sure, but it was probably both.

Dean gasped, his mouth dropping open as Castiel leaned up and began licking and sucking his nipple, and he ran his hands through Castiel's hair, fingers clenching and unclenching slightly with need, but he was careful not to force Castiel into anything. He rested his hands on Castiel's trembling shoulders and pushed him away gently, shifting down on Castiel's lap a little to bring their lips back together. Dean kissed Castiel for a while, trying to keep things slow so Cas would stop trembling and not be uncomfortable. While they kissed, tongues moving together and lips sucking, Dean slid one of his hands down over Castiel's chest and traced lazily around one nipple with his thumb before tracing over Castiel's ribs and finally resting on his hip, his thumb stroking Castiel's hipbone lightly.

Castiel groaned letting Dean manoeuvre him until they were kissing again. Hot and slow. It felt nice and Castiel eventually eased into it. Feeling safer and more comfortable than he had since they last tried to be intimate. He wanted that again. He wanted to feel that loved again. "Touch me," Castiel said quickly before he changed his mind and cowered out. His eyes flickered up to meet Dean's as he bit his lip, trying to look sexy. "Please. I know you want to."

"Lay back," Dean told him, his voice rough with arousal. He eased Cas back onto the bed and stayed above him, kissing him deep and hot. Dean moved his hand down Castiel's body slowly until he reached his crotch, and he rubbed Castiel there with the palm of his hand, slow and teasingly light. "I'm gonna make you feel so good," Dean panted against Castiel's chin, watching the effects of his touch in Castiel's face. He kissed his way down Castiel's neck, mouthing at his collarbone and sucking a faint mark there, before trailing kisses and touches all the way down Castiel's chest and stomach until he was laying between Castiel's legs and his mouth was poised right above Castiel's belt buckle. He looked up at Cas and ran his hands up over the hard ab muscles that flexed under his touch, and fuck, that was hot. "Cas, look at me," Dean breathed, "I want you to watch this, baby. Gonna feel so good..."

Castiel groaned, lying back and doing as he was told. He winced a little as he expected Dean to tower him but he didn't. Dean half covered him, barely touching him as he palmed at his crotch. He let out a desperate moan as his cock scraped against his pants, restricted through his clothing. He watched Dean lower himself down and Castiel took in a sharp inhale in anticipation. He wanted this. His eyes black with arousal he couldn't even think straight. Nothing mattered but Dean. "Yes," he whispered, letting out a frustrated grunt. "Do it. Touch me. Please."

Dean laughed breathlessly and slid his hands over Castiel's stomach and hips again before unbuckling Castiel's belt. He looked up at Cas again, and he moaned when he saw how Cas was looking at him hungrily, his eyes dark with arousal and need, cheeks flushed and a fine sweat breaking out on his forehead. Still staring into Castiel's eyes, Dean took the edge of Castiel's jeans between his teeth and worked the button undone, and then he unzipped the jeans. He hooked his fingers into the beltloops and gently tugged the jeans off. He mouthed at Castiel's hard cock through his boxers, keeping his touch light and teasing and not tearing his gaze away from Castiel's eyes.

Castiel groaned, watching how devious and hot Dean looked right now. "Fuck, Dean," he breathed, closing his eyes for a moment as he tried to think of something else to cool himself down. He didn't want this to be over too soon. His eyes flung open when Dean mouthed at his bulge, still staring at him intently. "Oh God," he whimpered, pressing his hand lightly into Dean's hair, nothing forceful. Just a small nudge to encourage him to keep going. "Please," he begged softly, screwing his other hand into a fist in the bedsheets.

Dean grinned up at Cas and then hooked his fingers in the waistband of Castiel's boxers, pulling them down slowly to expose Castiel's erection. Dean moaned when he saw how turned on Cas was, and he licked his lips before looking back up at Castiel's face as he slowly took him into his mouth. He lightly wrapped one hand around the base of Castiel's cock and stroked him gently, sucking with little rhythmic bursts in time with the slight involuntary thrusting Cas was doing. With his other hand, Dean quickly undid his own pants and wriggled out of them, turning on his side a little and propping his hips up so he could touch himself, his own arousal becoming almost unbearable. He moaned around Castiel's cock and swallowed him deeper, somehow avoiding gagging on Castiel's length, he was proud to admit.

Castiel wasn't really sure what to expect. They didn't do oral as much as they did everything else so they were still learning but holy crap did Dean know what he was doing. "You've gotten good," he managed to chuck out before moaning loud enough to disturb Jimmy. His breathing was heavy and harsh as he tried not to buck his hips up into Dean's mouth. He didn't want him to choke. "That's it baby," he encouraged breathlessly. "Feels so good." He got his hands to cup the back of Dean's neck, slowly pulling him off his cock and moving him up to steal a kiss. Tasting himself in Dean's mouth. He moaned helplessly reaching down to stroke Dean's cock. "I want you to ride me," Castiel said, biting his lip. "I want to be inside you again."

Dean grinned, tightening his lips on Castiel's cock before Castiel pulled him up and kissed him, both of them breathless and panting for air, breathing each other's breath. Dean nodded in agreement, breaking away for air. "Yes," he gasped, "Fuck, Cas. Lube." Dean was so turned on he couldn't even speak in complete sentences. He bit his lip and rubbed against Castiel's hips, pressing down against him desperate for friction. Their erections slid together in a slow, delicious grind, smooth and hot and perfect. "Oh, fuck," Dean gasped, going still as he was already dangerously close to coming and he didn't want this to be over yet. He squeezed his eyes closed and took a few deep breaths, trying to cool down a little.

Castiel chuckled a little, finding Dean's frustrations endearing. He'd been so patient. Waiting for Castiel to get better. He must have been going crazy. Just thinking about it made Castiel growl with arousal. He looked in the nightstand and fished out the lube, giving the bottle to Dean. "Touch yourself," he asked with a chaste kiss to Dean's lips. "I want to watch." He kissed down Dean's neck whilst fumbling with their remaining clothes so they were no longer trapped around their ankles.

Dean grabbed the bottle with clumsy hands and squeezed out a little bit of lube onto his fingers and leaned back on the bed so his ass was exposed, his legs spread and hips tilted up so he could begin stretching himself. He rubbed the lube onto his hole and bit his lip, moaning at the unfamiliar touch. He hadn't done this in months, and he was tight and unused to the feeling but he wanted this so bad. He wanted to make Cas feel good, wanted Cas to fuck him until they both came. Just the thought of that alone sent another spike of arousal through his body and he lazily stroked his own cock as he pushed a finger into himself, then another, until he was ready. He put some more lube on his hand and rubbed it over Castiel's erect cock, looking at him with anticipation and lust.

Castiel had to tangle his hands in the sheets to stop from touching himself. Dean looked so hot, teasing and touching himself for him. Castiel really wanted this. Wanted to make Dean feel good after everything he'd had to put him through. He groaned when Dean touch him, rubbing lube over his painfully hard cock. His head fell back against the pillows as he tried to regain his breath. He looked up at Dean, lips parted slightly and eyes hooded. "Please, Dean," he begged, pressing a hand to Dean's hip to encourage him to continue. "I love you."

Dean nodded, breathing hard, and moved so he was straddling Castiel's hips, and he guided Castiel's cock into his hole slowly, mouth falling open and head tipping back as a low moan escaped his throat. It felt like it was their first time, because they hadn't done this in so long. Dean braced himself up by resting one hand on Castiel's thigh, leaning back and twisting to the side a little as he slowly moved up and down, getting used to the feeling of Castiel inside him again. When it started to feel better, Dean looked up at Castiel's face and moaned at the pure bliss and arousal he saw there.

Castiel let out a low sob when Dean lowered himself down onto his cock. It felt so good and raw and Castiel had to stop himself from pounding into Dean. They had to take their time. They were still fragile and vulnerable and Dean was willing to do so much for him. He sat up a bit, enough to suck lightly on Dean's Adam's apple and mouth hot air over his throat as Dean continued to get used to the feeling of being full again. "You okay, kitten?" he murmured, stroking his hands over Dean's back to soothe him as he slowly bucked his hips upwards into Dean.

Dean leaned towards Cas a little bit and tangled his fingers in his hair. "Yeah," he panted, "Yeah, I'm okay. Keep moving, baby. Do that again." Dean wiggled his hips a little to try and get the angle right so Cas would hit his prostate. His body arched and shuddered and he pushed down against Castiel, crying out as pleasure suddenly shot through him. He sucked Castiel's shoulder and dragged his teeth against skin, nails digging into Castiel's back. "Yes, come on, Cas, come on..."

Castiel groaned, wrapping his arms tightly around Dean's body, keeping him close as he lifted his hips up to hit Dean's sweet spot repeatedly. His forehead rested against Dean's sweaty shoulder as he pounded into him. "So tight," he gasped, squeezing his eyes shut. His hand moved down between them to stroke Dean's cock in time with their thrusts. "Come for me, Dean," he murmured against the shell of Dean's ear. His own body tensing up before releasing his own orgasm. His body frantically thrusting up into Dean, crying out in relief.

Dean cried out as Cas began pounding him faster and faster, managing to hit Dean's prostate every time and send wave after wave of electric, tingling pleasure through him, and he moaned louder and higher with each breath before his entire body spasmed and he came at the same time as Cas, shooting come onto Castiel's stomach. He cried out Cas' name as his body twitched through the aftershocks of their intense orgasm and he collapsed in relief on Castiel's chest, panting into his neck and moaning softly. "Holy shit, Cas," Dean breathed after a moment, laughing quietly in amazement. "We did it."

Castiel slumped against the bed, breathing heavily and laughing a little with Dean. "That was amazing," he breathed, stroking down Dean's side and pressed a kiss into his hair where he could reach. "You're amazing," he added with a proud grin. He couldn't believe they'd gotten this far. He was proud of himself. Of them. Castiel would never have expect to recover like this. He had Dean to thank for that. "I love you," he murmured, closing his eyes.

Dean smiled contentedly and hummed in agreement, closing his eyes and pressing his lips to Castiel's sweaty, hot skin. He rested his palm over Castiel's heart and sighed happily. "I love you so much," he said softly, sliding off of Cas and cuddling up to him, basking in the afterglow and kissing him softly. "I'm so happy, baby," he said, propping himself up on one elbow and looking into Castiel's face with a loving expression. "Look at you," he murmured, "Cas, you look so happy right now, so beautiful... if you could see yourself..."

Castiel chuckled a little, letting Dean kiss him and he occasionally kissed back when he could reach. "I feel happy, Dean," he murmured, playing with Dean's hair. A small lazy smile sat on his lips, eventually breaking out into a grin. "I'm so glad to have you," he said softly. "It wouldn't feel right with anyone else."

Dean smiled and stroked Castiel's hair. "I can't imagine it with anyone else," he admitted, "And I think you're perfect for me, Cas. I know you are." Dean nuzzled along Castiel's jawline and wrapped an arm around him to hold him close. "You make me so happy... God, I'm so fucking in love with you, Cas. And it's not stopping." Dean was amazed that they both still felt this intensely in love after all the time they'd been together, when most relationships would have settled down or faded away by now.

Castiel hummed happily. "Kitten, I can't wait to get out the honeymoon phase. I mean..then it'll be real, you know? We'll know we're finally there." He rested his hands over Dean's and sighed, backing up a little to press his back against Dean's chest. "So warm," he mumbled, rubbing the back of Dean's hand with his thumb. "I can't wait to sleep in this bed. In our own place. With little Winchester's running around," he chuckled dreamily.

Dean grinned, wrapping one of his legs around Castiel's to keep him closer. The bed was kind of a mess and there was sweat and come cooling on their skin, but Dean didn't care. He hummed contentedly in agreement. "I can't wait for that," he said, raising Castiel's hand to gaze proudly at the ring on his finger. Then, a thought occurred to him and he looked at Cas uncertainly. "Uh... I just remembered Jimmy's in the other room..." He said awkwardly, biting his lip.

Castiel grinned, watching as Dean admired his ring and played with his hand. He suddenly snorted out a laugh, giggling idiotically. He'd totally had forgotten about Jimmy too. "Oh God," he groaned, trying to sound annoyed but he just laughed more than anything, finding the whole thing amusing. "Better him than anyone else," he shrugged, looking over his shoulder at Dean. "We've already scarred your brother. Wouldn't want to do that again."

Dean groaned quietly and hid his face in Castiel's shoulder. He felt bad about leaving Jimmy alone in the other bedroom while the two of them had sex right in the next room, and he probably heard everything through the wall. If Jimmy's reaction to them playing footsie in the restaurant was anything to go by, Dean was a little nervous and a lot embarrassed to see how he'd react after hearing Dean and Cas have sex. "This is really awkward," he said quietly, smiling sheepishly at Cas.

"It's awkward with your brother too. I don't see you making that an issue," Castiel said, snapping a little. He was fed up with this. Couldn't they just have sex once without something going wrong? He sighed, squeezing Dean's hand and rolled over so they were face to face. "Sorry," he said sheepishly, kissing Dean briefly. "I didn't mean to.." He smiled, running his hand down Dean's side and stroked his stomach absently as he got Dean to lie on his back so he could rest his head on his chest.

Dean sighed in annoyance and rolled his eyes, irritated at Cas, but the feeling didn't last long. He just sighed and shook his head, keeping his arm around Cas as he laid his head on Dean's chest. "I wasn't making it an issue, I was just saying I'm a little uncomfortable with it. I barely know Jimmy and you told me that this kind of thing makes him uncomfortable, so it's not really about how I feel."

Castiel rubbed Dean's belly, pressing absent kisses to his chest. "It's not like he's in the room with us," he argued quietly. "We're engaged. He's gonna know there's something going on..besides he only gets uncomfortable if he sees it. It's like being the third wheel. No one wants to be that."

Dean closed his eyes and absently played with Castiel's hair. "Okay," he sighed tiredly, not wanting to have this pointless argument. He was still coming down from the high of their amazing orgasm, and he could feel Castiel's come inside of him, and he felt stretched out and loose, and just a little bit sore. Not nearly as bad as the first time Cas fucked him, but he knew he'd probably be walking funny for the rest of the day, if they ever got out of bed.

Castiel made a small noise of irritation, crinkling his nose as he tried to bury his face closer to Dean's chest. Dean's hand in his hair soon soothed him and he calmed again, lying against Dean's shoulder with his nose pressing into the dip of Dean's collarbone. "Gotta fatten you out, babe," he mumbled, still rubbing Dean's stomach. He wasn't as muscly as he used to be. He was still recovering from Christmas. He was healthy now but nowhere near what he used to be.

Dean snorted softly. "I'm trying," he protested, pushing Castiel's hand away from his stomach, his light touch causing the muscles to twitch and flex. "Don't, baby. I'm ticklish. I need to gain weight in muscle, not fat." Dean brought Castiel's hand up to his chest and rested it over his heart, twining their fingers together. "Would you still think I'm sexy if I was jiggly and chubby?" Dean teased gently.

Castiel chuckled a little, tilting his head up to see Dean's face. He features softened a little when Dean asked his last question. "I don't know," he drawled, a smirk stretching across his lips. "Would you still love me if I grew one of those 80's moustaches?" He couldn't help but giggle a little at that. The thought of having a moustache made him grimace a little.

Dean cringed and pretended to throw up. "Please don't," he begged, "I don't know if I'd be able to look at you without thinking a dead mouse attached itself to your face. You're gorgeous and there's no need for a mustache, you literally could not look any better if you tried, baby." Dean ruffled Castiel's hair affectionately. "I'd still love you endlessly, but I'd probably spend about 80% of my life begging you to shave it off."

Castiel laughed, leaning up to kiss Dean as he tussled his hair. "Hmm, sounds like a challenge," he considered with a raised eyebrow. "I'm pretty sure I can look better than this," he argued, grinning at Dean. "But I don't think I'll ever be able to look any better than you do when you're mid orgasm. Fuck, Dean. That's pretty hot." He laughed a little, reaching his hand up to cup Dean's cheek and play with the hair above Dean's ear.

Dean laughed and wrapped his arm around Castiel's neck, pulling him close for a lazy kiss. A pleasant tingle went through him when Cas said he looked hot while having an orgasm, and it made him feel so warm and loved. "Then you've obviously never seen yourself come," he shot back, "Because, damn, boy. Someday we should make a sex tape and then you'll be able to see how hot you look."

Castiel blushed deeply. He'd never considered sex tapes before. He looked up at Dean with a curious expression. "Is that something you're in to?" he asked. He'd always considered himself pretty vanilla when it came to these things but if Dean wanted to do something he'd always be open to it. As long as it didn't hurt either of them.

Dean shrugged, he hadn't really thought about it much before but the idea of making a sex tape was pretty intriguing. "I guess, if you're okay with it," Dean said, looking back down at Cas and rubbing his arm gently. "Obviously it'll only be for us to see, but if you're uncomfortable with it we can just forget it. It might be pretty hot to see what we look like from a different point of view, though."

Castiel hummed in thought. "I guess," he said quietly. He kissed Dean once and smiled. "I'll think about it." It was interesting. If he was going to be away in New York it would be nice to have something to take with him. To watch Dean. He shivered a little at the thought and grinned at Dean, kissing him again. "As long as we don't have to do any pretending for the cameras. I want you raw and exposed."

Dean smiled, excited by the notion of making a sex tape with Castiel. "Yeah, it's not like we'll be roleplaying or anything. Just us, ignoring the strategically placed cameras and just doing what we do." Dean brushed his lips against Castiel's ear. "Besides, when you to the dance academy in the fall I'm gonna need a little something for when I get lonely. That, or we could always try phone sex again. Remember that?"

Castiel grinned, turning his head a little to kiss Dean. "Yes," he breathed excitedly. "That was good. You barely had to say anything and I was over the edge." He laughed a little, nipping Dean's bottom lip. "And that's _if _I get in. I've got to get through auditions first." He swallowed thickly, shaking his head. "Doesn't matter. The trial is before then anyway. I should really concentrate on that first."

Dean nodded, his smile fading a little bit. He gripped Cas just a little tighter and murmured against his forehead, "It's all going to work out. We'll get through the trial just fine and he'll get sent back to prison, this time for good. And then you can focus on dancing. I'm sure you'll get in, Cas."

Castiel shot Dean a weak smile, resting his hand over Dean's heart. "We're going to have to talk to John about this," he said quietly. He didn't like it but Sam needed to be a witness and he'd need John for that..as far as he knew. "I mean, Sam is still a minor and would need some sort of parent or guardian supervision. Right?"

Dean grimaced and nodded sadly. "Yeah, unfortunately. He's not really involved in our lives as much anymore and he doesn't even know any of this stuff even happened, so that's going to be an interesting conversation. I'll have to warn him beforehand and you, Sam and me have to sit him down and tell him everything. I don't even think he knows about this," Dean raised Castiel's hand and fingered the ring.

Castiel nodded, sighing tiredly. "I think the sooner we do it the better," he said, watching Dean play with his ring. "Maybe we could invite them over for dinner tomorrow? Talk things through? Or go to a diner? Find some neutral ground. Where he can't make a scene?" He sighed, snuggling closer to Dean. "I just want to get this over and done with. The sooner the better."

Dean shrugged. "I don't know what would be better," he admitted, "We have to tell him in a place that he feels comfortable at, and I have no idea how he'll react." Dean would never say this to Cas, but he was worried that John would side with Lucifer and say that Castiel deserved it because he was gay, or maybe he'd try to force Dean and Cas apart because John thinks Cas is dirty or something. Dean was dreading that the most, but he kept it to himself, not wanting to upset Cas.

"Okay," Castiel said, thinking hard. "Maybe go over there tomorrow then?" he suggested. He didn't exactly want to talk to John. Didn't want him to know about his past but he supposed he'd have to know if he was to get Sam to help him testify. He knew he wouldn't need him. He had Dean as a witness but the more the better to keep the case strong. He remembered it being difficult last time to convince the jury his brother had tried to kill him seeing as Gabriel and Balthazar's witness accounts had been pretty flimsy.

"Yeah, the sooner the better. Sam's definitely want to be involved in the case, kid's a future lawyer anyway. He'll be a good witness. And I really don't know of anyone who would even be able to testify for Lucifer, what witnesses could he possibly have to defend his case?" Dean thought for a moment. "You have a lawyer, don't you?" He asked.

Castiel smiled at the thought. He could imagine Sam as a lawyer. "Lucifer is testifying he was elsewhere when this whole thing occurred," Castiel explained heavily. "Apparently he has witnesses to back up his alibi." He rubbed a hand over his forehead and sighed tiredly. "Crowley's sorting out the lawyer. Says he's got one of the best to help us out. Should be simple enough."

"This isn't going to be easy," Dean sighed, "But we can do it. You've got me and Sam on your side, and the doctors who treated you after it happened. Were there photos taken of the crime scene?" It had happened so long ago and Dean didn't remember much of it, except the horror and pain left in Lucifer's trail of destruction.

Castiel shook his head. "I'm not sure. I think so. I remember mom coming back to the house to sort things out. I guess so." He sighed, burying his face in Dean's chest. "Wow. I've really got to work on my pillow talk," he said dryly, letting out a small, empty laugh. He looked up at Dean innocently, biting his lip. "Sorry, babe," he mumbled, looking down at Dean's lips instead of his eyes.

Dean smiled sadly and shook his head. "Shh," he said, kissing Castiel's forehead, then the tip of his nose, and finally his lips. "I think we've already covered the pillow talk. Do you think we should get up before we fall asleep? If we get enough of our things in the cabin to make it feel like home we can sleep there tonight, if you want. I have some nice wine there, we can make it a date."

Castiel couldn't help but smile a little. "Sounds great...," Castiel trailed off, biting his lip. "I'll just tell Balthazar not to come here tonight," he said, sitting up enough to search for his phone. "He may have changed but I don't trust him enough yet to stay here with Jimmy." He found his phone and texted Balthazar quickly before slipping out of bed and started looking for clothes and things for them to take to the cabin. "Go shower," he told Dean. "I'll start packing."

Dean smiled and stole a quick kiss before they got out of bed and went into the bathroom to get cleaned up. His body was pleasantly warm and tingly and he had Cas to thank for that. It hurt a little bit to walk, his body extra sensitive after so long not having sex with Cas, but he didn't mind; it was more than worth it.

Castiel sighed, running a hand through his own hair before grabbing a box and shoving it full of clothes, his speakers, laptop and placed his guitar beside the box. Once he was done, he looked down at his body and grimaced. He still had Dean's cum splattered across his stomach. He padded into the bathroom and joined Dean in the shower, not caring if he protested. He just wanted to get clean so he could go talk to Jimmy.

Dean was singing quietly to himself as he showered, facing the wall and swaying slightly with his eyes closed. He was lost in his own little world as he stood under the hot spray, his soapy hair spiked up into a mohawk. He jumped and nearly slipped and fell when the shower curtain was suddenly pulled aside and Cas got into the shower, and then he blushed and grinned awkwardly. "You startled me," he explained sheepishly, forgetting his current hairstyle.

Castiel chuckled, patting Dean's side. "Sorry, Mr.T," he smirked, eyeing Dean's hair with amusement. "I thought a strong brute like you could handle a little surprise like me." He brushed past Dean and took the soap, scrubbing his stomach and chest and rinsed off the remains of their escapades. He scrubbed his hair with shampoo, basically ignoring Dean as he washed methodically.

Dean rolled his eyes and stuck his head under the shower and rinsed all the shampoo out of his hair before moving on to his body. Cas was using the bar soap, but there was Castiel's regular body wash that smelled a little like green apples, and Dean used that instead. He kept stealing glances at Cas, tempted to just kiss him senseless again, but Cas looked like he was in somewhat of a hurry and Dean would feel bad about distracting him.

Castiel finished cleaning, rinsing under the shower once more before kissing Dean chastely and stepped out of the shower. He wrapped a towel around himself, padding into Sam's room to find Jimmy still playing with Amber in the spot he left him in. "Jimmy," he said softly. Jimmy's head tilted up an inch, indicating he was listening. "Dean and I are going to stay at the cabin tonight. Are you going to be okay here on your own?" Jimmy nodded timidly and Castiel smiled. "Just call me if something goes wrong, okay? My number is on the fridge."

Dean kissed Castiel back and then stepped out of the shower after Cas left the bathroom, drying himself off and then wrapping the towel around his waist and walked back into Castiel's room. He could hear Cas talking to Jimmy through the walls, and Dean opened Castiel's closet to grab some clothes. Of course, most of Castiel's clothes fit Dean too loosely now since Cas had bulked up, but Dean was getting there. It was a little weird that Dean was slightly smaller than Cas now, but Dean didn't mind and he liked the feeling of those muscular arms wrapped around him. Something caught Dean's eye; the music box Jimmy had given to Cas after his faked death. Dean carefully picked it up and wound it up, watching the little dancer twirl in circles to the soft tinkling music.

Castiel finished talking to Jimmy, going back into his room to change but stopped short when he heard the familiar music playing. He carefully stepped into the room, staring at the music box in Dean's hands. He reached out his hand to hold the dancer between his thumb and forefinger so the music would stop playing. He glared at Dean, then at the box on the bed. "We should go," he said, taking the music box from Dean and stored it away back in its rightful place behind everything else on his desk.

Dean looked at Cas with wide eyes, unmoving as Castiel stopped the music box, stilling the dancer, and took it out of Dean's hands to hide it behind the stuff on his desk. He hadn't expected Castiel to react like that, and the anger in his eyes frightened him. Dean didn't say anything and stepped over to the bed to pick up Castiel's box as a sort of apology, and then carried it downstairs.

Once Dean moved stiffly out of the room, Castiel deflated, scrubbing a hand through his hair. He quickly changed into a pair of smart dress pants and a navy shirt. He left the top two buttons left undone and quickly dragged his fingers through his hair with some gel to flick up the front. He took his guitar and went down stairs after Dean. "We're making a stop before the cabin," Castiel said as he placed his guitar in the trunk along side the box of his things.

Dean placed the box in the trunk and waited for Cas, casually leaning against the hood of the Impala and picking at his fingernails absently. When Cas came outside with his guitar, Dean looked up at him, surprised at what he was wearing. It looked like he'd even styled his hair with some gel, something he usually just did for special occasions. And Cas said they were going somewhere before they went to the cabin, and Dean rose his eyebrows in confusion. "Where do you have to go?" He asked carefully.

Castiel grinned, smooching Dean's cheeks together with one hand. "Not I. We," he corrected. "I'm taking you out for dinner, babe. But first we've gotta go yours. I want to show you off and I want you to look absolutely drop dead gorgeous. Not that you already don't I mean," he chuckled, smiling happily at Dean as he let go of his cheeks and kissed his nose.

Dean smiled uncertainly at Castiel's sudden mood change. He felt bad about the music box thing, but he really didn't think it would trigger such an unhappy reaction in Castiel. But now he was talking about taking him out to dinner, and Cas had actually dressed up and Dean was curious and a little nervous about what they were going to do. "This is the first I'm hearing of this," Dean said, smiling a little as Cas let go of his face and kissed his nose instead. "Alright, we'll go to my house and make me pretty." He agreed, shaking his head slightly in bafflement as he got into the car.

Castiel got in the car with Dean after closing the trunk. He shrugged lightly. "Can't we do the whole spontaneous thing anymore?" he asked innocently, raising an eyebrow. When Dean didn't look like he was buying it he sighed. "Fine. I just..I thought we never go on dates anymore..and with the trial coming up." He sighed, rubbing his thigh absently. This was a bad idea. "We might not get the chance for a while. I thought you'd be happy about it."

Dean smiled softly at Cas and reached for his hand to give it a reassuring squeeze. "I think it's a great idea," he murmured, "And I am happy about it. I'm sorry I seemed skeptical, I just thought you were angry at me for looking at the music box. The surprise dinner date just caught me off guard, that's all." Dean looked down at their hands and glanced back up at Cas apologetically. "I'm sorry," he said, "I'll pay for dinner to make up for it. Where are we going?"

Castiel squeezed Dean's hand back, bring it up to his lips and cradled it between both his hands. "No. I'm sorry," Castiel protested, looking down at their rings, pressed close together. "I just forgot about it. That's all. It just adds insult to injury..and I don't need to be reminded of what Jimmy did right now. I have too much to think about." He kissed Dean's hand again before letting it go. "The restaurant we had one of our first dates at. You know the one with the great chocolate pudding that made you practically jump me as soon as we left?" he chuckled.

Dean grinned and nodded. "I remember. Was that the Roadhouse?" He remembered. It had been so long ago and Dean had nearly forgotten about that date, but now it was all coming back to him and he smiled as he started driving towards his own house. They had been in the beginning of their relationship, still shy and curious about each other, and they had no idea what the future had in store for them. Back then, Dean had no idea they'd get this far.

"Yeah," Castiel agreed with a nod. "I thought we could go there again. You know, for old times sake?" He smiled happily. He was a bit nervous about going to Dean's house but he supposed they should. Tell John and Sam about tomorrow. He still didn't know what he was going to say to them "Hey guys. I was raped by my brother. Come be my witness?" He shook his head, too in his head to realize they were already at Dean's.

Dean looked at Cas for a moment before opening the door and going into the house, waiting for Cas at the door. It was evening, just getting dark outside, and they passed by Sam and John eating dinner in the kitchen. Dean greeted them, making eye contact with both Sam and John, who both seemed to be in relatively good moods. He grabbed Castiel's hand and led him upstairs, giving him a questioning look. "When do you want to talk to them?" He whispered once they got to Dean's room.

Castiel followed Dean up the stares after shooting a small smile the Winchesters way. "Tomorrow if possible," Castiel answered. "The trial is in two weeks, Dean. We need to be prepared." And by that he meant convincing John to let Sam testify. He swallowed thickly, going to Dean's wardrobe to get out some clothes to take to the cabin and started putting them in a box whilst Dean got changed.

Dean nodded in understanding and shared a knowing look with Cas. This wasn't going to be easy, and Dean would have to be sure to catch John in a good mood and they had to let Sam know ahead of time. He looked at what Cas was wearing and searched in his closet for something equally as nice. He decided on his nicest pair of dark jeans, some black leather boots, a fitted black tee shirt and a grey scarf, and he put on a leather jacket to top it all off, and he followed Castiel's example and combed a little gel into his hair.

Castiel hummed, looking Dean up and down appreciatively. "Oh maybe we should just stay in," Castiel smirked, eyeing Dean up. "Can't let anyone else see you like that." He kissed Dean briefly and groped his ass. "Can't let them think you're available."

Dean rolled his eyes and hooked his fingers into Castiel's belt loops to pull him closer. "Don't worry, nobody's gonna think I'm available. Or you, for that matter." Dean kissed Cas back and roughed up his hair just slightly, grinning at him lovingly. "You're gorgeous, baby. And you might as well take me out and show me off since I look so nice."

Castiel snorted out a laugh, moving away from Dean enough to pick up the box of stuff he'd packed for Dean. "Sure thing, babe. Just go talk to John and Sam. I'll go put this in the car." He smiled assuringly at Dean and kissed him briefly before moving away and headed downstairs to put away the things in the trunk beside his own. He couldn't believe this was really happening. He felt so giddy and excited to have a place of their own.

Dean nodded and smiled at Castiel happily. He walked down the stairs after him and went through the kitchen, nodding subtly for Sam to follow him into the living room. Sam luckily got the hint. "Be right back," he said casually to John, and he followed his brother into the living room. Dean's expression was serious, and Sam looked a little concerned. "Don't tell Dad yet, but Cas and I need to talk to you guys. The trial's in two weeks and you're a witness, so we need you to testify." Sam's eyes widened a little bit, and he nodded earnestly. "The problem is, we need Dad's permission since you're a minor and that means we have to explain the whole thing to him." Sam's expression darkened a little and he sighed. Before he could say anything, Dean held up a hand. "Don't say anything, I just wanted to warn you so you can think of ways to convince Dad to let you do it, if we have to. We're thinking of sitting him down and telling him about this tomorrow." Sam nodded in understanding. "Okay, I'll be super nice to him and get him in a good mood." Dean patted Sam's shoulder proudly. "That's my boy. Go back and eat dinner and clean up the kitchen, for a start. I'm going out to dinner with Cas. We're spending the night at the cabin, so don't be expecting us back. Good luck with Dad." Dean punched Sam lightly in the chest and quickly left the house to go to the car with Cas.

Castiel watched as Dean left the house. He smiled hopefully at him, wishing things had gone well. Tomorrow was going to be a bitch and he didn't want it to have to be any harder than it was going to be. He sat in the passenger seat and side, watching Dean get in the car. "Everything okay?" he asked as they drove to the restaurant, trying to focus on just having a nice time.

Dean smiled back at Cas and nodded, driving away and heading to the Roadhouse. "Yeah, everything's okay for now," he reassured. "I told Sam about the trial and he said he's going to try and stay on Dad's good side before tomorrow when we talk to him about it. I don't know how it's going to go, though. Dad can be pretty unpredictable." They reached the restaurant within a few minutes and Dean got out of the car, waiting for Cas. He looked him up and down and smiled, holding out his hand for Castiel's. "You look damn good," he murmured, feeling almost as if they were back to normal after all this time. It felt like the time they'd first gone on a date here.

Castiel nodded in understanding. Tomorrow would be difficult. When they reached the restaurant Castiel took Dean's hand as they walked towards the entrance. He blushed a little, feeling shy and vulnerable all of a sudden. Like he was when they first started dating. "You do too, love," he murmured, squeezing his hand when they got inside and were greeted by a waitress who smiled warmly at them. "Welcome to The Roadhouse. Table for two? Right this way."


	53. Chapter 53

Dean grinned at Cas and squeezed his hand happily as they were led over to a table near where they'd had their first date, except closer to the window. There was a single candle in the center of the table, creating a romantic atmosphere. They sat across from each other at the table, and Dean looked around and smiled, feeling nostalgic. "I got you the guitar pick the first time we came here," he remembered, "And you brought me a rose."

Castiel sat at the table and smiled at the waitress in thanks. He looked back at Dean and held his hand over the table for Dean to take. "I'm still so sorry I lost that, love," he said sincerely. "I've been looking everywhere. I-I just can't find it." He bit his lip and sighed. "I should have gotten you a rose tonight. Or some chocolates or something. I'm a lousy boyfriend."

Dean took Castiel's hand and shook his head. "Cas, it's fine. I can get you something to make up for it. And you're not a lousy boyfriend. You're sweet, caring, talented, devoted, and honest. And sexy as hell, too. I'm glad nobody else got to you before me, because I've seen people checking you out and looking at you longingly."

Castiel squeezed Dean's hand, barely glimpsing at the scars on Dean's wrist that became visible when he stretched his hand over the table. "You don't have to get me anything," he said shaking his head. "You already bought me this ring. That's more than enough." He laughed a little at Dean's next comment, blushing a little. "They only do that because of you. If I'd never have met you I would never have gotten the confidence to get out of that hoodie."

Dean grinned and shook his head. "I thought the old, baggy, paint-splattered hoodie was kind of cute," he argued, "But that was before I got to see what was underneath." Dean winked playfully at Cas and squeezed his hand before letting go and picking up a menu. "Save room for dessert, we're getting the chocolate pie thing again." He said eagerly.

Castiel blushed and laughed nervously, dipping his head down to hide his smile behind his menu. It was embarrassing how easily Dean could make him go from this strong, brave soul to a giggling school girl just by winking at him and telling him he was cute. He'd never get used to Dean's charm. Never. "Alright," he agreed with a grin. He looked through the menu before deciding on his order and setting the thing aside to look over at Dean lovingly.

Dean's heart warmed when Cas blushed and giggled, hiding behind the menu. God, he was adorable. Dean quickly scanned the menu and decided on something a little different; a pasta dish with meatballs and fancy sauce. It was something he didn't get very often but it looked good, so he decided to try it.

The waitress came over after a while and smiled at them both. "What can I get you guys?" Castiel waited for Dean to order before ordering his own food. Steak, medium-rare and salad with a side order of fries. The waitress nodded and left, leaving Castiel to return his attention to Dean. He dipped his head a little, reaching for the jug of water in the centre of the table and poured them each a glass.

They sipped their water in silence, and Dean watched Castiel curiously. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes, but the silence was comfortable and easy. Eventually, Dean rested his chin in his hand and leaned forward a little to gaze intensely into Castiel's eyes. "What are you thinking about?" He asked softly, studying Castiel's face.

Castiel looked up from his water to see Dean gazing at him. He swallowed thickly, setting down his water and looked back at him, hands in his lap. "The trial," he said quietly, making sure no one else could hear. "Just trying to prepare what I'm going to say to John tomorrow. We'll only have one shot at it. I don't want to mess this up." He gave an awkward smile, picking up his water again. "I just wish we didn't have to involve Sam in this."

Dean sighed slightly and nodded. "I'm nervous too," he admitted, "But Sammy can be very persuasive. All he has to do is the puppy eyes thing and he gets whatever he wants." Dean leaned forward a little, placing his hand on the table palm up and extending it towards Cas. "Don't think about it right now, baby." Dean murmured, "Tonight's going to be a good night. Let's just have fun and leave the worrying for tomorrow."

Castiel smiled a little, taking Dean's hand and rubbed his thumb gently over Dean's wrist where some of the scars were visible. "Okay," he agreed softly. "I'll let it go for tonight." The waitress came over again with their food, setting it down on the table before disappearing once again. Castiel inhaled, humming at the smell of the food. "Looks good," he commented, picking up his cutlery and dug in.

Dean's breath hitched in his throat when Castiel rubbed his thumb over the scars on his wrist, and he looked down in surprise. Ever since he'd almost committed suicide in the graveyard before Christmas, Dean had tried to ignore the scars and forget that it ever happened. He'd gotten so used to them by now that he hardly even noticed, but it was when Cas brought attention to them like this that he remembered all the pain that had led him to do this, and all the pain it had caused. But it also reminded him of just how much Cas loved him, and how much they meant to each other despite the scars of their darker times. Luckily, the food came soon after, distracting Dean again, and he pulled his hand back to start twirling the spaghetti around his fork.

Castiel nodded a little with his first bite of steak. Not bad. This place was actually pretty good. He watched as Dean ate, finding him so adorable. The way he twirled the pasta. No, that shouldn't be so attractive. Castiel shook his head, focussing on his own food. He really had to start finding flaws in Dean over wise he'd never hear the end of it if his boyfriend found out he was perfect. Cocky bastard. They ate in companionable silence, just enjoying a night out together. Nothing needed to said. They weren't thinking about the trial or the wedding or anything. Just enjoying dinner as a couple.

Dean wiped a bit of sauce from the corner of his mouth after sucking in a noodle, and he looked at Castiel's steak with interest. "Can I try a bite?" He asked, suddenly remembering that when Mary was alive, the family of four would go out to dinner a few times a month, usually somewhere less fancy than the Roadhouse. Mom, Dad, and two little boys; the typical family. Dean would always want to try everybody else's food whenever they ate out. The memory made him smile softly. "I'll give you some of my meatball if you want. No pun intended."

Castiel watched the small smile on Dean's face soften and he couldn't help but return the expression. "Sure," he said, holding out his fork with a piece of steak on the end of it. He watched as Dean took it and ate it. He looked at Dean's plate and shook his head. "Think I'll pass. Not much of a meatball fan." He paused before pointing his finer at Dean. "Don't you dare say 'that's not what I've heard.'," he warned.

Dean leaned forward and took the offered bite of steak, and he moaned around it. "Mmm, so juicy and delicious," he said, looking at Cas teasingly as he chewed and swallowed. "And that wasn't what I was going to say exactly, but something along the lines of it. Besides, I know you love my meatballs." He said it innocently, as if they were talking about recipes.

Castiel rolled his eyes, blushing a little. He'd never been good with innuendoes. He blushed a little and continued eating until just a few fries were left on his plate. He sipped at his water and looked over at Dean with a small smile. "Maybe we should get that chocolate cake to go. I think it'd be nice to have with the wine you got," he said with a soft yawn.

Dean nodded in agreement as he continued eating his spaghetti and somehow managed not to get sauce and crumbled cheese everywhere. "Good idea," he said, "We can take our time and really enjoy it. And get into more comfortable clothes." Dean smiled and put another forkful of spaghetti into his mouth.

Castiel smiled, leaning his elbow against the table and resting his head in his hand. He watched Dean eat with a content expression on his face. "I'm proud of you," Castiel said softly. He hadn't realized he'd let that slip but he meant every word. Dean had come so far since Christmas. He was eating again like nothing had happened and he was getting better. Meaning as a couple, they could get better too.

Dean tilted his head a little in confusion and finished chewing and wiped his mouth before he spoke. "What for?" He asked, placing the napkin on his mostly cleared plate. He was pleasantly stuffed, and he picked up his water to wash down his meal. "I didn't do anything worthy of pride. At least I don't think I did."

Castiel smiled, shaking his head a little. Dean never realized just how much he'd done to better himself. He'd worked so hard to get back on top and now he was there he didn't even realize it. "Just..everything," he answered softly. He was about to say something else when the waitress came along and asked if she could get them anything else. Castiel asked if they could have the bill and a chocolate cake to go. The woman simply nodded and went to get their check.

Dean smiled at Cas for a long time, and he blushed a little bit when the waitress startled him out of their romantic staring contest. He hadn't even heard her approaching, and he flinched in surprise when she spoke. When she left, Dean smiled sheepishly at Cas and pulled his wallet out of his pocket and set it on the table. "I can pay," he volunteered, "Just as a way to thank you for believing in me and trusting me."

Castiel shook his head. "I told you. This is my treat," he protested giving Dean a stern look. "You've been so patient and tender with me these passed months. Today I've been trying to make things right again. Ways to show it was worth the wait. Dinner included. I'm treating you for once." He pushed Dean wallet half way off the table so he had to take it back whilst Castiel took out his wallet and put enough money on the table to cover their food and tip.

Dean shrugged and took his wallet back. He smiled lovingly at Cas. "Thanks, baby. For everything. For being you." Dean stood up and went over to stand behind Castiel's chair, draping his arms around Castiel's neck and resting their cheeks together. "I love you, Cas." The waitress brought back their cake, neatly packaged in a carry out box, and Dean took it and thanked her with a friendly smile.

Castiel grinned, turning his head enough to kiss Dean's cheek. He stood up, tucking in his chair and wrapped an arm around Dean's waist, resting his hand against the small of his back. They thanked the woman as they left the restaurant and headed out to the car. Castiel stopped at the drivers side of the car and smirked. "Remember last time? I couldn't stop kissing you against the side of the car?" He grinned at the memory, dipping his head to press a kiss against Dean's cheek beside his ear. "You were so hot and horny. Probably would have let me fuck you there and then if you weren't such a goodie two shoes." Castiel moved away with a chuckle, going to his side of the car and slid in before Dean had a chance to respond.

Dean rolled his eyes in amused disbelief. "Cas, we both know you were more of a goodie two shoes. I probably wanted you to fuck me, idiot. It was you who made me wait until we were in a locked bedroom." Dean got into the car and looked at Cas suggestively. "We could always do it in the backseat," he suggested with a casual shrug and a smirk, "But it would definitely be easier and more comfortable at the cabin."

Castiel chuckled "Okay you got me. I was the prude." He grinned, looking behind his shoulder at the backseat. They'd done it before there but it was a lot more comfortable when you were beyond horny and would do it in a shopping cart if you had to. "Let's go to the cabin," he said with a soft smile. "Take our time. We just got back up on the horse. Let's not rush things."

"Yeah. And we've got the cake to eat, anyway." Dean leaned over to kiss Castiel's cheek gently and started the car, driving away and back to the cabin. It was dark out now, and Dean was excited to start moving their stuff into the cabin and make it more like a home. When they got there, Dean took one of their boxes out and carried it into the house, setting it down on the floor in the main room before switching on the lights.

Castiel helped Dean by carrying his own box and guitar into the cabin. He went into the bedroom and switched on the light, setting down the box and guitar in the far corner before walking into the kitchen to set out the wine and two glasses. He poured them a glass each and walked over to the couch, sitting down and held out a glass for Dean. "Come sit with me, sweetheart."

"Hang on one second, I want to start the fire going. It's a little cold in here." Dean went over to the fireplace and dropped into a crouch in front of it to start the wood burning, and then he closed the grate and stood up, brushing ash off his hands and sitting beside Cas on the couch. He took a glass of wine and snuggled up to Castiel's side. "Hey," he greeted pointlessly, kissing Castiel's jaw and holding his glass up to clink.

Castiel waited patiently, checking out Dean's ass as he bent down to light the fire. When the other came and sat beside him he smiled happily. "Hey yourself," he murmured, clinking their glasses carefully together before taking a sip. He hummed appreciatively, swirling the contents lightly around the glass. "This is good stuff," he commented, resting his head against Dean's shoulder lightly.

Dean took a sip himself and nodded in agreement. "Yeah. Dad usually sticks to the stronger stuff, and when he buys wine it's never this good, he always goes for the cheap ones. I wasn't expecting to find this when I raided his wine cupboard. Quantity over quality, I guess." He took another sip and smirked at Cas. "We can pretend I bought it. More romantic, right?" Dean took Castiel's arm and wrapped it around himself so he could lean against Castiel's side and be held.

Castiel laughed a little. Way to get on his good side, he thought. As long as he didn't find out about missing liquor until after tomorrow they should be fine. He let Dean shift his arm so it wrapped around Dean. He let his arm stay around Dean's waist, his hand dropped to brush against Dean's hip and thigh. He sighed happily, taking a sip of wine again and kissed Dean's forehead, bringing him closer to rest against him.

Dean leaned closer and curled up against Cas, sipping his wine occasionally. He threaded his fingers with Castiel's and brought their hands to his lips to kiss the back of Castiel's knuckles gently. "Hey, Cas?" Dean said hesitantly, "Don't get mad at me but when is our anniversary? I don't remember the exact day, everything's kind of just a blur. We didn't miss it, did we?"

Castiel rose an eyebrow, contemplating for a moment. His cheeks were red from the alcohol and his lips parted slightly. His eyebrows furrowed together in thought. "I don't actually know," he admitted sheepishly. "I mean, we were apart for a while. Do we start from when we got back together? Oh when we met? Because I'm not even sure when we went from being friends to lovers. It was always sorta there, you know?" He should be embarrassed that he didn't know his anniversary but then again. "It's not the date that matters. It's the memories it holds."

Dean sighed in relief. "I'm glad you feel that way too," he said honestly. "Because I always kind of thought that whole anniversary thing was kind of pointless, you know how people in school celebrate their 1-month anniversaries? It's a little ridiculous." Dean thought that it didn't matter what date they became official, because they didn't need to know how long they'd been together. It didn't change anything or make anything better, they just were. Dean looked at Cas and smiled at him, reaching up with his free hand to turn Castiel's face towards him a little more to kiss him. "You're pretty," he mumbled, starting to get a little drunk already.

Castiel chuckled in to the kiss. "And you're sexy," he countered, tipping his head in again to kiss Dean. He pulled back and finished his wine, setting the glass on the floor so he could rest his other hand over Dean's knee and draw him close. "My little kitten," he murmured sweetly, kissing Dean's temple. "Anniversaries won't matter. We can celebrate being together for 10, 20 years but I don't care about particular dates," he said softly. "If you love me, one day won't be enough to show just how you feel," he grinned cockily.

Dean giggled and bumped his nose against Castiel's chin. He set his own glass down beside Castiel's on the floor and curled up beside Cas as he pulled him closer. He sighed contentedly and closed his eyes, completely comfortable except for the belt digging into his stomach when his knees folded up, and the jeans were a little itchy. "What if I treated every day like an anniversary?" He mused, rubbing Castiel's stomach gently.

Castiel let his eyes slip closed as Dean rubbed his belly. His hand snaked lower to rest against the curve of Dean's ass whilst the other laid in his lap. "I think we'd tire of each other," he answered honestly. "It'd be like having Christmas everyday." Not that it wouldn't be nice but that's not how healthy relationships worked. They couldn't be good all the time. "Though it'd be nice to take time out to do something at least once a month," he mused softly. "Come out here or go to the city. Go to the beach or the park and just have the day to ourselves."

Dean nodded, laughing quietly. "Don't worry, baby. I won't smother you with affections. Only once in a while, if you're having a bad day or something. Or just if I feel like it. As a treat." Dean hummed in approval when Castiel's hand rested on his butt, and he slid his hand under Castiel's shirt to feel the warm skin of his stomach. He nuzzled against Castiel's neck and inhaled deeply. "Because there's definitely going to be days when we're exhausted and need to relax."

Castiel made a small noise in agreement, leaning into Dean's touches. "I love you," he murmured, rubbing his hand up and down Dean's thigh. "You're so good to me." And it was true. Dean would be willing to jump off a cliff if it meant Castiel was safe and happy. Not that he wanted that to happen but you get the idea. "How's your ass?" he asked, before giggling at how weird that sounded. He blushed deeply, biting his lip. "I-I mean. Is it sore? It's been a while."

Dean pressed his lips to Castiel's neck, a gentle kiss right on his pulse point. He snorted in surprise at the unexpected question and grinned against Castiel's skin. "How's my ass? I don't know, you tell me." he murmured back, lips still on Castiel's neck. He loved the way Cas blushed pink. "I'm not very sore," he said, shrugging a little. "Why do you ask? Up for round two?"

Castiel laughed nervously, glad Dean couldn't see his face. "I'm just checking, sweetheart," he said, running his hand through Dean's hair, tugging on it lightly so Dean's head tilted up so he could kiss him hot but tender. His other hand grazed over Dean's crotch absently, teasing Dean. "Not exactly," he said vaguely, a small smile on his face.

Dean opened his mouth for Cas and kissed him back, slow and deep. The way Cas was pulling on his hair made his heart beat a little faster and he grinned. "Mmm?" Dean hummed, backing away a little to see Castiel's face. He was smiling somewhat slyly, and Dean shivered a little bit in anticipation, looking at Cas curiously. "You wanna make out?"

Castiel grinned, pressing the palm of his hand a little harder against Dean's crotch. "Yes," Castiel beamed, dipping his head forward again to capture Dean's lips. This time a little needy as he scraped his teeth against Dean's bottom lip. "Take of your shirt," Castiel mumbled, fingers fumbling with the garment but it just got tangled with Dean's scarf and he couldn't get it off.

"Mm, yeah," Dean murmured, grinning as Castiel's hand pressed down against his crotch. Dean's breath caught in his throat in anticipation and he sighed into the kiss, tugging at the scarf around his neck and tossing it on the floor beside the couch, and he quickly pulled off his shirt and arched into Castiel, pulling at the hem of Castiel's shirt and still kissing him deeply.

Castiel chuckled, pushing Dean back so he could admire him properly. He kept a watch on Dean whilst slowly unbuttoning his shirt. He shifted, getting Dean to sit on the couch properly instead of under his legs and then sat in Dean's lap with his back to him, continuing to shrug out of his shirt, revealing his wings as he tossed the garment aside. He thrusted back and forth gently in Dean's lap, looking over his shoulder at Dean. "I'm kinda tired," he deadpanned, suddenly stopping his movements as he pretended to yawn. "Think I'm gonna go to bed." There was a slight curved smirk to his lips as he stood up to walk away.

Dean grinned as Castiel slowly pulled his shirt off, sliding down his shoulders and revealing the beautiful tattoos on his muscled back. Dean trailed his hands up Castiel's back and over the back of his arms before resting on his waist as Cas began to rock in his lap. Dean encouraged Cas to keep going, because the friction was damn good, but suddenly he stopped and Dean groaned in disbelief before he realized Cas was playing with him. "Think I'll join you," he said casually, standing up and following Cas into the bedroom.

Castiel chuckled, watching as Dean followed him. He laid down on the bed. His stomach pressed into the soft duvet as he looked over his shoulder playfully at Dean. "Come over here," he murmured, gesturing to the spot on the side of the bed in front of Castiel. He looked slightly nervous but it doesn't matter. He wanted to try this again. He wanted to make tonight perfect for Dean.

Dean walked towards Cas and laid down on the bed beside Cas, getting close to him and running his hand down the smooth curve of Castiel's back. "So beautiful," he breathed, tangling his fingers in Castiel's hair and pulling his head up a little to kiss him deeply. He hummed softly and pushed himself up a little bit to put his lips to the back of Castiel's neck and leave a trail of kisses all the way down Castiel's spine and then back up, taking his time and being gentle.

Castiel stretched out like a cat as Dean kissed and touched him. His eyes closed and his body arched at the touches. His hand caught Dean's wrist so he could sit up and curl into Dean's lap, kissing the other's wrists. his scars and slowly making his way over his scarred chest too. "Perfect," he murmured, darting his tongue out over a nipple and sucked over the sensitive skin lightly.

Dean moaned quietly when Cas kissed the scars on his wrists and chest, worshipping the skin gently as if Dean were something precious. It sent a pleasant tingling wave of heat through his body and he shuddered, arching his back when Cas mouthed at his nipple. His fingers tightened in Castiel's soft hair and he gasped quietly. "Cas," he whispered, eyes slipping closed.

"Shh," Castiel soothed, moving back up Dean's body to kiss his mouth and nose. "S'okay, babe. I've got you," he murmured with a small sheepish smile. He moved his mouth back down Dean's body, kissing and touching the damaged skin tenderly. He reached the other's pants, his nose pressed against the cool metal of his belt buckle and he tilted his head up to look timidly at Dean. His eyes wide and beaming as he fumbled with the belt and pulled Dean's pants down enough to get at his boxers, mouthing at cock through the fabric.

Dean laid back on the bed, holding himself up on his elbows, and watched with growing arousal as Castiel kissed his way down his body just like Dean had done to him last night. The light kisses and touches made goosebumps rise on Dean's skin and he was breathing somewhat shakily at the beautiful intimacy of it, and Dean stroked his hand through Castiel's hair, moaning and tossing his head back when Cas mouthed at his cock through his boxers.

Castiel grinned, looking up at Dean again with bright eyes. Last time they'd tried this it'd gone wrong and they were too rough but he was confident everything would work out this time. He pressed a hand to Dean's hipbone and kissed the skin there, licking and sucking at the skin around Dean's cock before pulling Dean's boxers down enough to set him free. He swirled his tongue over the head teasingly, looking up at Dean with innocent eyes.

Dean bit his lip as he watched Castiel slowly pull at his boxers until Dean's erection was free, and he put his hand over Castiel's on his hip and moaned in surprised pleasure as Castiel teased his cock with his tongue, velvety smooth and hot against his sensitive skin. It had been a long time since Cas had done this, but he clearly hadn't lost any of his skills. Dean fisted his hand in Castiel's hair, but didn't push him. "So good, baby," he gasped.

Castiel smiled sheepishly and even blushed a little which should have been ridiculous seeing as he was sucking another man's cock. Can't exactly be coy about these things. He pulled back a little, swallowing thickly before opening his mouth to take in the head of Dean's cock and began sucking lightly, taking him in bit by bit, bobbing his head at a slow pace as he swirled his tongue down the length as he sucked.

Dean laughed breathlessly as Cas blushed and actually looked shy, which was surprisingly cute. Dean gasped when Cas started to take him deeper, and it took quite an effort to stay relaxed and not thrust up into Castiel's mouth. The last time they'd done this, it didn't end well because Dean got carried away.

Castiel managed to find a pace he was comfortable with, sucking and licking Dean's cock. He used his free hand to palm at his crotch, and let out a small moan. He moved off of Dean's cock, looking up at him with a small smile and kissed Dean's hand which rested over his on Dean's hip. His lips plump and parted began to mouth at the base of his cock, kissing down to his balls and sucked lightly, moving back to his cock.

Dean moaned and writhed, hands fisting the sheets and hips rolling slightly. He was panting slightly, moaning and gasping and sighing, and a small whine escaped him when Castiel began licking and sucking at his balls and the underside of his cock. "Oh my God," he gasped, "Cas, don't make me come so soon, baby, slow down, slow down," It was kind of pathetic how short of a stamina Dean had, but it was Castiel's fault. No matter how much sex they had, it never lasted very long because Cas knew exactly how to make Dean come and he was just so goddamn sexy.

Castiel rolled his eyes. "I want you to come, Dean. That's the point," he said innocently, taking him back into his mouth. The point of tonight was to get Dean off. Make up for lost time but that was proving difficult seeing as Castiel had left the lube back at the house. Still, this would have to do. He didn't mind it either, watching Dean come undone like this.

"Cas, no," Dean whined breathlessly, biting back a moan as Cas took him in his mouth. "Jesus fuck, Cas!" He gasped, panting. "Make it last, I don't wanna come yet, I want you..." Dean gently pushed Cas away and sat up on the bed to kiss him, hot and frantic while fumbling at Castiel's pants. "I'm not just gonna ignore this," Dean argued, sliding his hand into the front of Castiel's pants and stroking his erection through the boxers.

Castiel gasped when Dean pulled him away only to bring him into a deep kiss. He moaned loudly when Dean touched him through his boxers and had to close his eyes for a moment. "Dean," he strained to keep his voice from going any deeper. "We don't have any lube. We can't-" he was cut off with another moan and was panting and bucking into Dean's hand frantically. "Oh God."

Dean pushed Castiel's pants down and helped him wriggle out of them, and he kicked both of their pants away so they were both naked. Dean rubbed his thumb over the head of Castiel's cock teasingly and wrapped his arm around Castiel's back, feeling him shudder and gasp, and then Cas was frantically thrusting his hips up into the tight circle of Dean's hand. Dean laughed breathlessly. "Yes we can," he said, "Just go with it." Dean pulled Castiel's hips down so Cas was on top of him and their cocks slid together, Dean holding both of them together with his hand as he stroked them slowly, bucking his hips in time with Cas.

Castiel breathed in deeply as Dean took them both in his hand. Castiel braced himself, holding each hand on either side of Dean's head as he thrust his hips against Dean's. He kissed him deeply, feeling himself close to the edge. "Dean," he breathed, lowering his head to nip at his neck and lick at the dip in his collarbone.

Dean jerked them a little faster, the tension in his body increasing with the need to release. His thighs ached and he grunted and moaned with each thrust, panting and sweating with the effort, and all of the sounds he made were swallowed by Cas as they kissed clumsily. "Cas, I'm..." Dean's body went still as he reached his orgasm, head rolling back and fingers of his free hand digging into Castiel's back. He cried out Castiel's name, panting and whimpering through the aftershocks.

Castiel watched Dean go through his orgasm. His face screwed up and intense and so beautiful. Castiel bit his own lip, arching his back as he came, watching Dean intently, memorizing his face. Every breath every blink, perfect. He slumped against Dean, his arms trembling with the effort to stay up and he laughed a little, kissing Dean's chin as he rolled off him and onto his back on the bed.

Dean took a deep breath and sprawled out on the bed, his body warm and and pleasantly aching. He smiled blissfully and turned his head to look at Cas, was laying beside him, also on his back. Castiel's profile was so beautiful in the dimly lit room, and all was silent in the little house except for the sound of them breathing and the fire crackling warmly in the background.

Castiel smiled at Dean through heavy eyelids, he was falling asleep quickly, tired from the day's events. He closed his eyes and let out a small breath in relief. "I love you," he murmured sleepily, letting out a small yawn as he did so. He fell asleep soon after that, content to just lie there with the space between them, knowing that everything was okay between them.

Dean watched Castiel for a moment before sighing contentedly and closing his eyes, falling asleep easily. There was a little worry in the back of his mind as the trial darted through his thoughts, but he forced it back and fell asleep.

_A terrified, desperate cry. Furniture bangs against the wall. An angry voice. Shoes thud on the wood floor. Frantic begging. Dean enters the room alone, sees Cas bent over the desk. Blood on the floor, blood everywhere. Only this time it's different. Dean can't see Cas' face, and suddenly Lucifer is gone. Dean touches Cas, turns him around, but he has no face. There is nothing but bloody, shredded flesh where his face should have been. Dean screams, takes a step back from this disaster, this death that isn't Cas because his face is gone. Slips on a puddle of blood and falls, but never hits the ground. He's weightless, drowning and choking in a lake of boiling blood that suddenly turns to icy water, and he opens his eyes and sees Castiel's face, pale and lifeless, floating, drifting. Black hair that looks like seaweed, swaying gently under the water. Dean reaches for Cas, but he's falling while Dean is rising to the surface and he can't grasp him; his hands pass through Cas as if he were a ghost. _

Dean woke up drenched in a cold sweat and struggling to breathe. His chest was heaving and he couldn't stop shaking, and tears slid down his face. Cas was still asleep beside him on the bed, and Dean carefully stood up and went into the bathroom to calm down and splash some cold water on his face. It was just a dream, a really sick and messed up dream.

Castiel stirred awake when he turned over to find a cold spot on the bed where Dean should have been. He blinked tiredly, opening his eyes enough to see the morning light seeping through the curtains. He yawned and groaned simultaneously before even attempting to move. He cracked his back as he stretched his arms over his head before grabbing a blanket and wrapping it around his naked body. He looked around the cabin, finding Dean in the bathroom. Seeing his face shocked Castiel a little, causing him to take a step back. He looked like he'd seen a ghost, pale and empty eyed. Castiel approached him cautiously. He leant his head against his bare shoulder, kissing it once before looking at Dean through the mirror. "Bubba what's wrong?" he asked quietly, wrapping his arm around Dean and covering him in the blanket too.

As soon as Dean sensed the familiar presence of Cas beside him, he wrapped his arms around Cas tightly and buried his face in his hair, breathing deeply. He was still shaking from the nightmare, and tears threatened to fall from his eyes. Dean held Cas tight in a crushing embrace, reluctant to let go. Cas was solid and alive and unharmed, and Dean realized how close he'd come to losing Cas in real life, and his dream could have been a reality if things were just a little bit different. "It's okay," he breathed shakily, "I'm fine."

Castiel gasped as he brought into a tight hug. He could barely breathe and had to push Dean away a little so he could. "No, you're not," he said with a slight shake of his head. He wrapped his arms around Dean and played with his hair, stroking it softly. "What's wrong? You have a bad dream?" he asked softly. Didn't matter what it was. He just needed Dean to calm down. "Come on. Let's go lie back down," he pushed lightly, helping Dean back to bed. He got him to rest his head against his chest so Castiel could stroke his hair and keep him close. They had to go see John soon. He needed to get Dean to calm down before they could go anywhere. "That's it. Just take deep breaths."

Dean found it hard to meet Castiel's eyes, because his own were filling with tears and the feeling of panic hadn't faded away. He bit his lip and followed Cas back to the bed and lay down with him. Dean felt cold suddenly and curled close to Castiel, not ever wanting to let go of him. He focused on the steady beat of his heart where Dean rested his head on Castiel's chest and matched his breathing to Cas. It helped, and after a few minutes Dean relaxed enough to speak without his voice trembling. "Bad dream," he confirmed, not saying anything else. He didn't want to mention it to Cas. "I'm fine now, really."

Castiel wanted to ask what had happened but he could probably already guess. A lot of things had happened to the other the past year. He wouldn't put it passed Dean to get nightmares sometimes. "Shh, it's okay. I've got you, babe," he murmured quickly, tightening his protective hold on Dean. "It was just a dream," he whispered into Dean's hair, planting a kiss over his scarred scalp. "I'm here. You're here. Everything is okay." He kept his voice hushed and low as he tried to keep Dean calm.

Dean let out a small whimper and buried his face in Castiel's neck, scooting up on the bed a little and moving closer to Cas. Already the images of the dream were fading and Dean hoped that whatever remained in his head wouldn't haunt him for too long. That was something he never wanted to see again. He stayed curled up with Cas for a few long, silent minutes as the two of them just breathed together, Castiel's arms tight around him and keeping him safe.

They remained silent for a while. Castiel just laid there with Dean, holding him and stroking his hair. After a while, Dean seemed to calm down and Castiel kissed his temple tenderly. "Let's go get washed up," he said gently, looking down at Dean's face. "Have a nice relaxing shower then we'll go over to yours, sort out the trial then we'll have the rest of the day together. Okay?"

Dean nodded, pushing the disturbing images of the dream to the back of his mind and forcing himself not to think about them. "Okay," he agreed, slowly letting go of Castiel and standing up, eager for the shower. The shower would make him feel better and hopefully calm him down so he could focus on the day. He headed to the shower and got in, leaving the curtain open for Cas to join him.

Castiel watched Dean leave, admiring his ass before getting up slowly and followed suit. He wiped a hand over his face and sighed, getting into the shower with Dean and kissed his forehead tenderly before he began washing away the cum on his stomach. He used Dean's body wash which was the only bottle there seeing as Castiel hadn't packed any.

Dean smiled slightly when he noticed Castiel washing himself with Dean's body wash. He liked sharing things with Cas, it made him feel warmly domestic, for some reason. Like it was a symbol of their relationship's permanence and seriousness. Also, the fact that Cas would smell a little like him, wearing Dean's scent of soap, was a bit of a turn-on.

Castiel washed and rinsed quickly, not wanting to spend to long on the task. He turned to Dean and started kissing his shoulders as the other washed. "We'll be okay, sweetheart," he assured quietly, stroking down Dean's side. "Just one trip to your house then we'll be free." He tapped Dean's ass and left the shower, drying off quickly and padded into the bedroom to look through his box for some clothes to wear.

Dean picked up the bottle of body washed and rubbed it into a lather over his own body, washing away the dried cum and sweat on his skin, and scrubbed his hair clean, too. He nodded as Cas left, smiling at him a little, and then finished up in the shower a few minutes later. He was still feeling uneasy but he swallowed the feeling back and dried off to go into the bedroom and find some clothes to wear. "I don't know how long it's going to take to talk to Dad," he said, finding his phone and sending Sam a quick text message to let him know they were coming over soon.

"That's why I thought it'd be better to start this morning," Castiel shrugged, putting on a pair of boxers. "Plus less likely for him to be drinking. It'd be easier to talk to him." He put on a pair of skinny black jeans and wore a graphic green t-shirt with The Flash on the front. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Just..the sooner the better. I want to get this over and done with."

Dean decided to put on something casual, something he would be safe in; his old, beat up jeans and a flannel shirt. He didn't know if it would make a difference, but it was the kind of clothes that was normal for Dean to wear. Nothing fancy or or in style, just simple, practical clothes. He didn't want to wear anything that screamed gay, even if he cringed internally at that thought. He knew it was lame to try to impress his dad with clothing and it was humiliating to have to lower himself to that level, but Dean wanted to do everything he could to get John to understand them. By doing this, John would hopefully see that Dean was still just Dean, still his son, not changed completely even though Dean had changed a great deal. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure Sam kept him from getting too drunk last night so the hangover shouldn't be such a huge problem."

Castiel nodded. "That's good." He fished out his wallet and keys from his other pants and put them in his back pocket and nodded at Dean. "I'm ready if you're ready," he said with an uncertain smile. There was no way he was ready but he couldn't just break down. Not today. He had to keep it together if this was going to work.

Dean took a deep breath and let it out in a nervous sigh. "Ready." He said, taking Castiel's hand and squeezing it in reassurance. "You know my dad has a short temper and he can be really unpredictable, so don't provoke him or react angrily to anything he says, no matter what. He might insult you or put you down, but you can't fight back because he'll only get mad. Just..." Dean kissed Castiel's hand and rested his cheek on Castiel's knuckles. "We need to stay in control and I know we can do this."

Castiel nodded and smiled. "I know, love." He stepped away and went with Dean to the car. The journey was tense but Castiel spent the silent time thinking of what he was going to say. How he'd word it so he made as little of a scene as possible. When they got to Dean's house he took a deep breath and followed Dean into the house, sticking close to him but not enough that'd it upset John for 'rubbing it in his face'.

Dean walked into the house casually, although he was tense and his palms were clammy. "Hey guys," he greeted with a little smile when he walked into the living room to find Sam channel surfing and John sitting in his favorite chair sipping coffee and flipping through a car parts catalogue. Sam looked up and gave Dean a reassuring smile and a subtle nod. "Hi," he greeted, and John looked up and smiled politely at Dean and Cas, nodding at both of them. So far, so good. Sam switched the TV off and sat up on the couch a little bit, nodding for Dean and Cas to join him. Sam was sitting in the middle, so Dean sat on one side of his brother and Cas sat on the other. John was watching the three of them suspiciously, but before he could ask Sam spoke up. "Dad, we need to talk to you about something." Dean could tell Sam was nervous, and John frowned in concern and set his coffee mug down, closing the catalogue and setting it aside. He looked at the three boys and leaned forward a little. "Is something wrong?" Sam exchanged a look with Dean and then Cas. "Yeah. But it's okay, we're getting it fixed. It might be best if we just explain from the beginning," Sam looked at Cas expectantly, biting his lip, and Dean held his breath as John turned his attention to Cas with a politely neutral expression, not friendly concern, but not disgust either. Whatever that expression was, it made Dean nervous.

Castiel was grateful of Sam. He was the like no man's land between himself and John. Sam was still young and yet he'd done so much for him and Dean. He truly was the brother he'd never had. He cleared his throat awkwardly when he realized it was his turn to speak. He looked up at John who was staring at him expectantly. "Well, um.." he began. Nice. Nice start there, dumbass. "M-My brother, Lucifer. He just got out of prison." _For trying to kill me. _"And..well, he raped me." Smooth. Are you always that blunt, Novak? "And..um. Your sons were the ones that actually saved me from..." _being brutally murdered. _"Sam even got a swing at his head with a baseball bat. Managed to get me out of there." He cleared his throat. "A-Anyway. Sam's a witness but he's also a minor and I need your consent for him to be at the trial to help put my brother back in jail."

Dean dug his fingers into his legs, trying hard to keep his feet from bouncing nervously. He didn't once take his eyes of his dad's face as he listened to Cas tell his story. John went from looking skeptical, to shocked, to disgusted, and finally his face hardened into an expression of seriousness that gave nothing away. There was a silence then, and all eyes were watching John hopefully, waiting for him to say something. Finally, John sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "Which brother are we talkin about here? Don't you have more than one?" He asked, looking at Cas intensely. Dean relaxed a little although it was possibly short lived.

Castiel swallowed thickly. Not the reaction he was expecting. He'd expected John to tell him to get out of his house or at least something as dramatic. "Uh, yes. I have five brothers," he said simply, rubbing at his scarred cheek absently. "Lucifer is the eldest. He's been in prison for eight years. He tried to kill me when I was 10." He didn't mean to let that bit slip and he mentally cursed for doing so but there was nothing he could do about it now. He'd just have to hope it helped with his story. "Now he's out and is a liable threat to our town," he said, figuring if he didn't make it about him John might lighten up to him.

Dean bit his lip hard to keep from saying something and Sam squeezed his wrist in warning, sensing Dean's worry. Dean forced himself to relax and just remain calm. Nothing had even happened yet and his nerves were already through the roof. John still looked somewhat indifferent, but there could be anything hidden behind the mask of neutrality. "What did you do to provoke him? He must've had a reason." John hinted coolly, and Dean gritted his teeth as Sam's nails dug into his wrist. That was a low blow and Dean wanted to say something, but Sam's tight grip on his wrist warned him not to. Right now they just needed to share explanations, not start an argument.

Castiel should have seen that coming. He swallowed dryly and scratched the back of his neck nervously. "My brother was loyal to my father. Always has been. So when he had suspicions that I was a homosexual he pretty much disowned me. Lucifer took that as a sign to get rid of me completely. He tried to kill me and failed. Once he was out of prison he tried to finish the job he'd started. If it wasn't for your boys he would have succeeded." He wasn't sure whether mentioning Sam and Dean would make things better or worse but he had to say it. Whether John disliked Castiel or not, he should be proud that his sons saved someone's life. Gay or not.

John's eyes narrowed suspiciously and his gaze darted to Dean and Sam. "Is this true?" He demanded, glaring at Cas briefly. "Of course it's true, why would we lie about it?" Dean said back, trying to keep his voice calm. "Sam and I walked in and saw it happening and Sam hit Lucifer with a baseball bat and we got Cas out and brought him to the hospital." Sam nodded earnestly in agreement. John sat back in his chair and rubbed his temple. "It's too early for this," he muttered. "I'm sorry about you gettin raped, but it couldn't have been that bad, for someone like you." John shrugged as if what he'd said was supposed to be sympathetic, and Dean stared at him in horror. "What's that supposed to mean?" Dean growled, ignoring the sharp pain of Sam stabbing his nails into his arm. John made a disgusted, disapproving face. "You know exactly what I mean, boy. And I'm still not too happy you turned into one."

Castiel's hand twitched a little at his side, he really wanted to punch John in the face right now but he felt Sam's hand press over his subtly to stop him. He looked at him briefly, shocked that Sam had the logic to stop him. He gave a small nod before looking over at Dean, silently telling him he'd handle this. "Just because I'm gay, John. Doesn't make being bound to a bed whilst drowning in my own blood anymore fun," he gritted out, squeezing Sam's hand back tightly. "The fact is, Lucifer is a threat. It's not just me he's willing to harm. He'll hurt anything given the right motive." He paused, looking back at Sam before looking back at John. "I need Sam to help me lock him away before anyone else gets hurt. And for that...I need you."

Dean clenched his teeth so tight his jaw started to ache, and he glared at his dad. Sam looked angry too, but he was managing to keep both Cas and Dean under control. John looked steadily at Cas for a long moment and then turned to Dean. "You sure you didn't catch anything?" He asked suspiciously, disgust tainting his tone, and Dean rolled his eyes and groaned. "Dad, no. That's not the point anyway. We're just asking for your consent so Sam can testify in court as a witness. I'm doing it and you can't stop me, but we need Sam too. I don't care what you think about homosexuality, I just want you to let Sam be a witness so we can lock this creepy pedophile up for good this time."

Castiel looked down at the floor, struggling not to laugh. If Dean had caught anything it would have been from that skank, Lisa. Being heterosexual would have been why Dean got sick. Not from being gay. He managed to compose himself and looked up at John, unable to look at Dean right now. He felt a bit sick talking about all this. Looking at John just reminded him why they were here and that he had to stay strong. "Sam's a part of this. He hit Lucifer over the head with a baseball bat. He needs to be there to confirm our story."

Dean shot Cas a grateful look for getting them back on topic. "Wait just a minute, kid. What happened exactly? I'm not sure i understand... So this guy came and... Raped you, then Sam and Dean appeared out of nowhere and saved the day?" Dean really didn't like the way John said 'rape' as if it meant something different for two men, as if it was something that wasn't very bad.

Castiel swallowed thickly. "No. Not exactly," Castiel said, resisting the urge to avert his eyes but he had to stay strong. Had to look at John as he told him. "He was waiting for me. I got home. He knocked me out. I woke up, tied to my own bed and he was there, digging a steak knife into my thighs like he had every right to. He didn't just rape me, John. He took his time. Tore me down, piece by piece until there was nothing left but mutilated flesh and blood. I'm lucky to be alive. Lucky to be walking." Castiel hadn't realized how hard he was squeezing Sam's hand until Sam had to pull away from the pain. "I had my phone on the side," he explained quietly, giving Sam an apologetic look. "I managed to reach out just enough to press the button but that was it. Dean must have heard the screams. I'd blacked out shortly after, awoke in Sam's arms as he carried me out to the car."

John's expression changed just slightly, and Dean stared in shock. Was that actually concern on John's face? Or was it just false sympathy? Dean couldn't tell, but it wasn't a cruel expression. Dean glanced over at Sam, but he didn't seem to notice anything, so Dean went back to staring at John and trying to read him as Cas told his story. "I called Cas and Lucifer answered," Dean remembered, and John turned his intense stare to Dean and held the gaze. "I could hear Cas screaming and begging Lucifer to stop in the background, so Sam and I went to his house as fast as possible and broke in, and we got Cas out of there." Dean decided to play up the sympathy a little an see if he could get a concerned reaction out of John. "When we got to the room there was blood everywhere and Cas was in and out of consciousness. Sam had to carry him outside and we didn't want to wait for an ambulance. Cas almost died, Dad." Dean looked over at Cas and held his gaze steadily for a moment, emotions and memories passing between them.

Castiel didn't like sharing any of this with John. He'd barely repeated it to Dean that's how much he wished he could just let it slide. Be forgotten. He met Dean's gaze for a moment, swallowing thickly. He looked at Sam instead but that just made things worse, imagining how brave he'd been. How he'd risked his life for him. He couldn't take it. He looked back at John with a tired expression. "I just need Sam to be there. The doctors on call will be on witness too and they'll be able to identify Sam so our story is backed up. That Sam was there. And the injuries Lucifer received match the descriptions of those which Sam gave."

John looked at Cas with a thoughtful, uncertain frown and Dean thought it looked like he was going to say no. There was a tense pause that lasted what felt like a lifetime before John sighed and looked at Sam. "Well, I guess if Dean's going to be there then Sam might as well be too. Our future lawyer ought to have some first-hand experience in a courtroom." Dean's jaw dropped and he stared at his dad. "Wait, you're really gonna let him be a witness?" Sam's hand tightened on Dean's arm in anticipation, and John nodded. Dean sighed in relief and smiled slightly. "Thanks, Dad." He said softly, "This is really important. Lucifer needs to be locked up for good because of what he did and we need all the help we can get." Dean couldn't believe that John actually agreed to it so easily. He'd been expecting it to go much worse.

Castiel felt a little tension drain from him when John said Sam could go but he was still wary. "You do realize this means you'll have to be in attendance as well?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. He didn't want John there. Didn't want him to be loaded with more ammunition than he already had but he needed Sam there. And that was what was important.

John nodded grimly. "Yeah, kid. I'll be there with Sam. I'll agree that it just ain't right what that guy did to you, and I want him off the streets. Who knows if he'll make Dean or Sam his next target?" Dean gave his dad a disappointed look. "Dad, this isn't about me and Sam, it's about Cas. Can you at least just acknowledge that? Cas got hurt, he almost got killed, and he's still recovering. This happened months ago, Dad, and Cas is still recovering from the emotional trauma of getting raped by his own brother. Doesn't that mean anything to you?" John looked at Dean with a troubled expression and then looked back at Cas, looking like he was about to say something, but then he leaned forward and squinted at Castiel's left hand, where the engagement ring glinted bright. "That's new," he said suspiciously, looking back up at Dean with an unreadable expression.

Castiel turned around a gave Dean a look. They'd convince John to let Sam go there was no point trying to get the man to feel sorry for Castiel when he obviously didn't want to. "Dean," he warned in a low murmur. He blinked when John said something, turning his head back around to catch up with what he had said. "Yes," he said, not sure what else to say. "Anyway. I appreciate your understanding. I'll keep you guys posted with the date of the trial," Castiel said, in a tone that suggested he wanted this discussion to end and soon. Before John changed his mind.

Dean glanced over at Cas and held perfectly still as John eyed the ring, but didn't say anything else and stood up from his armchair. "Alright," he said stiffly, and he turned to Cas as the three boys also stood up. "Castiel, I'm sorry about what happened. That kind of thing shouldn't happen to anyone and I hope the rapist gets what he deserves." Dean gaped at his Dad, shocked that he'd actually said something supportive. And as if that weren't enough, John's expression softened, just slightly, and there was the faintest, tiniest hint of warmth and regret in his eyes as he glanced between Dean and Cas. It was so small that anyone else would have missed it, but Dean knew his dad's face better than anyone. "Dean, come into the kitchen with me, we need to have a little chat." Dean swallowed tightly with anticipation and followed John into the kitchen, leaving Cas and Sam behind in the living room. Sam sagged against the couch in relief and looked up at Cas. "Can't believe he said yes," he whispered.

Castiel waited until John left the room, not wanting to respond to his comment. Not really sure how either. He fell into the couch and groaned quietly, leaning against Sam heavily. "Yeah," he agreed absently. "To be honest I was expecting it to be harder to convince your father than it would be to convince the court."

Sam nodded in agreement and wrapped his arm around Cas, pulling him close for a hug and then kissing his forehead affectionately. It was an unusual thing for Sam to do, but Cas was like a brother to him and he wanted to show him just how much he cared about him. "Me too," he murmured, rubbing Castiel's arm briefly before just resting his hand on Castiel's shoulder. "I wonder what Dad's talking to Dean about," He held his breath and listened, but he could only hear the faint murmur of hushed voices and not understand what was being said.

Dean faced his dad in the kitchen, feeling nervous and exposed as John looked him up and down. "Dad?" Dean asked quietly, his voice trembling a little. To his surprise, John took a step forward and patted Dean on the shoulder before pulling him into an awkward hug, which took a few seconds for Dean to uncertainly return. It didn't last long, but John's embrace was strong and meaningful, but what did it mean? When he pulled away, Dean looked into his dad's eyes with confusion, but before Dean could ask John said, "I'm proud of you boys. I know it don't seem that way, but you have to understand that it's very hard for me to accept Castiel. But I saw that ring, Dean, and I know you're serious about each other, and I've been a lousy father. I should be supporting you, not criticizing one of the biggest commitments you'll ever make in your life."

Castiel was surprised by Sam's affections but he didn't discourage them. Sam was like a brother to him. He was grateful Sam felt the same way and was willing to help anyway he could. "I don't know," he said with a soft shrug. "But I want you to know, Sam. We'll get through this. Anyways necessary. We're family. We've got to stick together."

Dean's eyes widened and he looked at his father in surprise. "I'm sorry, Dean," John said, eyes full of regret and apology. "I've always wanted what's best for you, at least that's what I told myself all these years. But I really just wanted you to grow up to be like me, and it frustrated me that you were so different from me. But maybe that's a good thing, because I'm not a good parent." John sighed and rubbed at his eyes tiredly. "Your mother was so much better at this, Dean. I wish she were still here." Dean nodded, his eyes slowly filling with tears as his throat closed up. This was a lot to process. "I miss her," Dean whispered, and John pulled him close to his chest again as if Dean were a little boy, and he just broke down in tears, hiding his face in his father's chest. "I'm so sorry, Dean. I love you so much, no matter what. I don't always understand you or approve of you, but I am so proud of you." Dean didn't know how long he stayed like that, letting his dad hold him close and comfort him, but he drank it up greedily and never wanted to move away. He hadn't trusted his own father enough to show emotions like this in front of him for so long, and it was such a relief to have this now. Dean held on, fingers clinging to John's faded flannel shirt, and was scared to let go. This is what he'd been missing for most of his life, this paternal comfort that every little boy craves. He felt like a child, letting go of all his emotions and hanging onto his dad, who was offering comfort in the simplest, truest way: Holding Dean in strong arms and resting his lips on the top of Dean's head, hushing him and rubbing his back. It was heavenly, and Dean just absorbed it like a sponge.

It wasn't until Sam came into the room awkwardly that John patted Dean once more on the back, his sobs calming down, and backed away to hold him at arm's length. "You gonna be okay now?" John asked, gently concerned and more fatherly than Dean could remember him being, and he nodded, sniffing a little. "Thanks," he croaked, and John looked at him with a small smile and patted him on the back. John walked out of the kitchen to the living room, where Cas was alone, but Dean wasn't afraid anymore. After all the things John had just told him, Dean didn't think John would say anything negative to Cas. For the first time, Dean trusted his dad alone with Cas, but maybe it was too soon. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, because Dean wanted so desperately to believe that everything was going to get better. He turned to Sam and smiled slightly, wiping his eyes on his sleeve, and then Sam strode over to him and hugged him tightly, and Dean hugged him back. "Are you all right?" Sam murmured, and Dean nodded, taking a shaky breath. "Yeah," he breathed, "Yeah. I'm good." And he really meant it.

Castiel watched as Sam left the room to check on his brother. Castiel decided to hang back, giving the Winchester's some time to themselves. He'd ask Dean later what happened. For now, he was just happy they'd gotten John to agree to let Sam do the trial. He played absently with his ring, hoping John wasn't telling Dean off for spending so much money on him. Not that it was his business. He just wished John wouldn't shout at Dean like that. But he hadn't heard any commotion so for now let Sam handle it. He hadn't even noticed when John walked in the room.


	54. Chapter 54

John walked into the living room where Castiel was still sitting on the couch, looking down at his hands as if deep in thought. "So, you're really marrying my son, aren't you." He said as he strode into the room. He stood in front of the couch with his hands in his pockets and thought for a moment. "Never thought I'd be saying this speech, but you treat him well, understand? He loves you and although I'm not entirely comfortable with it, he's eighteen and he's old enough to make his own decisions." John sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, shaking his head. "I guess I'm just old fashioned," he muttered, shrugging. "But if Dean wants to marry you and you want to marry him who am I to stop that from happening."

Castiel looked up from his hands to John's face. His eyebrows burrowed in confusion. John was..blessing them? Well, as close as he'd ever get to it, so it seemed. "I..thanks," Castiel said slowly, unsure what to say. John should have said this from the beginning instead of putting Dean and himself through all of this. He stood up and held out his hand for John to shake. A silent gesture that things were neutral between them. For the sake of Dean.

John stepped forward and grasped Castiel's hand as if they were making a contract, an agreement to tolerate each other for Dean's sake. He shook Castiel's hand firmly, looking at him, and nodded. "Good luck with the trial. We'll all be there." John patted Castiel's shoulder and walked away, going into the garage. Sam and Dean heard the door close and they walked into the living room, Dean still sniffing a little, but he was smiling. He walked right up to Cas and hugged him tightly.

Castiel nodded a waited until John had left the room before letting his shoulders sag. He let out a breath in relief before Dean came up to him and hugged him tightly. He looked like he'd been crying and Castiel was instantly worried. "Hey," he said softly, rubbing Dean's back. "S'okay, Dean. We're gonna be okay," he whispered, pressing a soft kiss into his hair as he held him protectively.

Dean sobbed and pressed his face into Castiel's neck, holding onto him tightly. He backed away after a moment and looked at Cas, smiling through his tears. "I'm just so happy," he said, but his voice broke and he sobbed again. Sam gave Dean a concerned look and squeezed his shoulder. "Dean, you're a mess. And you're kind of freaking me out a little." Dean half turned in Castiel's arms and grabbed Sam, pulling him into the embrace as well.

Castiel bit his lip, drying Dean's tears with the pad of his thumb when Dean pulled away. "I know, sweetheart," he murmured before he slung one of his arms around Sam to bring him closer into the hug. "But you've gotta calm down. You're puttin' Sammy's panties in a knot, crying like this." He kissed his forehead and stroked a hand through his hair. "Come on, love. We'll go back to mine. Watch a movie with Jimmy and Sam if he wants. Just chill out. Okay?"

Dean laughed and poked Sam in the side, choking out another sob and grinning widely. "Sorry," he muttered, "This is really embarrassing, I'm just completely losing it." Dean didn't even know how to feel. Sam flinched away from him and glared, but he still looked concerned. "Yeah, Cas, good idea. Let's go right now before he short-circuits himself." Dean giggled hysterically and went outside with them. Sam slid into the driver's seat before Dean could, and Dean got into the passenger seat without even protesting, not feeling emotionally stable enough to drive.

Castiel grinned and went outside with them, slipping in the backseat and leaned over to kiss Dean's temple. "You just gotta relax, sweetheart," he murmured, massaging his shoulder lightly before sitting back in his seat as they drove back to his. When they got there, Castiel headed inside, leaving the brothers to tag along behind. Castiel found Jimmy in the kitchen, making himself a sandwich. Amber on the counter beside him. "Hey buddy. You remember Sam, right?" Jimmy peered over Castiel's shoulder to see Dean's brother standing in the hallway with Dean. He nodded, returning to his sandwich. "Well, we're gonna watch a movie. You wanna join us?" Jimmy looked hesitant but nodded after a while, cutting his sandwich in half he took it into the other room a perched on one of the armchairs, nibbling quietly.

Dean managed to compose himself by the time they reached Castiel's house, and he greeted Jimmy. Sam smiled in amazement at seeing both Cas and Jimmy together in the same room, fascinated by how identical they were, but he didn't comment on it because he was sure they probably got that a lot. Sam was curious about Jimmy, he'd never gotten a chance to get to know him. They all went into the living room. Sam sat on the couch, petting Amber as she curiously sniffed his legs.

Castiel hung back a moment to kiss Dean briefly and sort his face out before going into the living-room and sat on the couch. He got the remote and flicked through the movie channels, finding something for them to watch. It'd been a while since they'd done this. It was nice to just hang back with some friends and enjoy a lazy sunday afternoon.

Dean sat beside Cas and curled up, drawing his knees up to his chest and leaning on Castiel's shoulder. He didn't stay there for long, though, because as he watched Jimmy eat his sandwich he was suddenly hungry. "Be right back," he said, and kissed Castiel's cheek as he stood up and hurried to the kitchen. He pawed through the cupboards and searched for something to eat, and found a bag of Doritos in the cupboard. He brought it back and sat back down on the couch, offering the bag to Cas and Sam too.

Castiel watched as Dean moved away, checking out his ass oblivious to whether Sam or Jimmy noticed. When Dean came back he rolled his eyes. "Looks like someone's not getting kissed," he grumbled, wrapping an arm around Dean and drawing him close to rest against him. He sighed, giving up looking for anything decent to watch and handed the remote to Sam.

Dean smirked and wiggled his cheesy fingers in Castiel's face. "Want a taste?" He teased gently, puckering his lips. Sam threw a pillow at Dean's head and took the remote from Cas to surf through the channels. There wasn't much on TV at this time in the day, so Sam stood up to choose a movie from the shelf beside the TV. "Any requests?" He asked, looking around the room at everyone. Dean shrugged. "I'm kind of in the mood for a horror movie," he said thoughtfully.

Castiel made a face and moved away from Dean's hand, laughing when Sam threw a pillow at him. Amber had moved to sit with Jimmy and he welcomed her as she perched on the arm of the chair, curling up beside him. Castiel smiled when Jimmy's eyes lit up at the thought of a horror movie. He nodded excitedly, giggling a little. "Horror it is," Castiel mused, eyeing the shelf, trying to remember what they had. "Put on Sleepy Hollow," Castiel said to Sam. "That Johnny Depp is so handsome."

Dean looked at Jimmy, pleasantly surprised that he was a horror fan as well. He's have to ask him what his favorites were sometime. He gave Cas an offended look at the Johnny Depp comment. "More handsome than me?" He challenged, narrowing his eyes and smoldering seductively at Cas. Sam rolled his eyes at both of them and put the movie in. "Stop it, you two." He said, tossing the pillow at them both again as he sat back down on the couch.

Castiel laughed at Sam and kissed Dean briefly. "Don't worry bubba, no one is cuter than you," he assured in a baby voice. He booped Dean's nose and cuddled him affectionately, just glad to have everything going right for a change. Jimmy's eyes were glued to the TV, watching as the film began. Castiel threw the pillow back at Sam, not wanting it as it blocked his access to Dean.

Sam caught the pillow easily and Dean rolled his eyes at Cas before leaning back against him to watch the movie. He rested his feet on Sam's legs, much to his brother's annoyance, but eventually Sam sucked it up and rearranged himself so they were all more comfortable. Dean felt happier than he had in ages, between the two people he loved the most in the world, and his dad's blessing on top of it all. And not to mention Jimmy being here, too. Everything was good for now, and Dean didn't want it to end.

Half way through the movie, Castiel titled his head to hide behind Dean. His lips pressed against the shell of his ear and his hand rested on Dean's stomach, fingers stroking the slightly exposed skin as his shirt rolled up a little. "Johnny's so hot in this," Castiel murmured. "What would it take for you to dress like that?" he asked with a sly grin, kissing Dean's temple.

Dean grinned and curled his fingers gently around the back of Castiel's neck, playing with his hair teasingly. "Didn't know you were into roleplaying," he whispered back, "But we should give it a try. Might be interesting." Dean nudged his nose against Castiel's jaw and kissed his neck softly. If Sam or Jimmy saw anything, they didn't mention it.

Castiel smiled. The sort of smile that indicates silent laughter. "I've still got a surprise waiting for you upstairs," he whispered, pressing a kiss into Dean's hair. He turned his attention back to the movie, still keeping his sly smile as he played with Dean's hair, running his hand down his side. Amber sneezed, causing Jimmy to flinch and push her away slightly.

"Hmm," Dean hummed quietly, leaning in to Castiel's gentle touch. He loved the way Castiel's fingers felt in his hair, how confident and right his hand felt on his body, as if Cas owned him. It was nice, and Dean loved being loved by someone like this. "What surprise?" He whispered, smiling against Castiel's cheek.

Castiel laughed a little. "It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you now would it?" Castiel teased, kissing his nose and returned his attention to the movie once more. Castiel rubbed his hand up and down Dean's stomach in soothing circles, leaning into him a little as the movie continued. Amber padded back up to Jimmy timidly until he carefully allowed her to rest on his lap, eventually falling asleep there whilst he petted her.

Dean ruffled Castiel's hair playfully and sighed in mock annoyance, turning his gaze back to the movie. It was almost over now, and Dean was curious about Castiel's surprise. Sam looked tired, but he was intent on the movie, as was Jimmy. Dean wondered what the future would be like for the four of them; Sam and Jimmy would be uncles to Cas and Dean's children, and Dean smiled warmly at the image.

The movie finished and Castiel sighed contently. Jimmy bit his lip, watching the credits intently and Castiel knew they'd have to wait before taking the DVD out. Castiel kissed Dean's temple, stroking his side before getting up to stretch out his back and arms after sitting in the same position with Dean for so long. The movie finished completely and Castiel changed the movie to House of Wax. Leaving it on for Jimmy whilst Castiel padded into the kitchen to get a drink.

Dean sat up and stretched, swinging his legs over so his feet were on the ground. He got up and followed Cas into the kitchen after a moment, and wrapped his arms around his waist from behind. "So. A surprise, huh?" He murmured, kissing Castiel's ear teasingly and tracing his lips down the side of Castiel's neck. "I wonder what it could be."

Castiel almost spilt his orange juice when Dean slipped in behind him. He smiled softly, leaning back against him. "You'll just have to wait and see," he teased back, tilting his head back to kiss Dean's jaw before moving back to the task at hand and poured two glasses. One of orange juice and one of milk. He drank half the orange juice before handing the glass to Dean and walked away with the milk. He gave it to Jimmy, placing it on the side to which he got a small "Thanks" in response.

Dean sipped the orange juice and poured a little more into the glass and set it back in the fridge before going back to the living room and standing casually in the doorway. Sam was watching the movie with a relaxed, comfortable interest, and Dean watched Castiel as he gave the glass of milk to Jimmy. When he caught Castiel's eye, Dean winked teasingly.

Castiel stood up and away from Jimmy to see Dean standing in the doorway. He rolled his eyes when Dean winked but couldn't help but chuckle. He took the glass of orange juice back from him and took a sip. "What do you wanna do?" he asked in a low murmur, wondering if Dean wanted to stay with their brothers and watch another film or whether he wanted to slip away and spend some time alone after the morning he'd had.

Dean looked at Cas with a small smile and shrugged. "Wanna go upstairs and...?" Dean wiggle his eyebrows a little and then glanced at Jimmy and Sam, who were both enthralled in the movie, and Dean grinned at Cas suggestively.

Castiel looked back at Sam and Jimmy before turning back to Dean with a small innocent smile. He took Dean's hand and wordlessly went up the stairs with him, tugging him into their bedroom. He closed the door behind them and brushed past Dean to lie on the bed with a soft sigh. His eyes closing shut as he ignored Dean and everything around him as he fully relaxed into the bed.

Dean followed Cas upstairs, the bedroom door closing with a soft click behind them. He stood there and watched Cas for a moment, a soft smile gracing his face as Cas lay on the bed comfortably, looking so relaxed that Dean didn't want to disturb him. But he couldn't stay away for long, and he gravitated towards the bed and laid down close to Cas, resting his chin on Castiel's chest and looking up at him.

Castiel's smile grew as Dean drew closer. His warmth spreading through him as Dean curled up against his side. His hand went to Dean's hair, stroking it soothingly as he let his eyes flutter open to look down at Dean through thick lashes. "You're beautiful," he murmured adoringly, running his thumb over Dean's scarred scalp out of habit.

Dean hummed softly and closed his eyes, leaning in to Castiel's touch like a cat. Dean tipped his head sideways so his cheek rested on Castiel's warm chest, rubbing against the soft material of his shirt. He inhaled deeply and sighed. "You smell nice," he murmured, "And you're warm."

"I smell of you," he chuckled. He's used Dean's body wash this morning because he didn't have his own at the cabin. He kissed Dean's temple and rolled them over so Castiel was on top of Dean, straddling his waist. He dipped his fingers underneath Dean's shirt and lightly tickled his stomach, his head dipping down to blow against the exposed skin to make it even more sensitive.

Dean squirmed and giggled under Cas, his face flushing red as he tried to push his hands away. He gave up and instead grabbed Castiel's wrists and pulled him down close on top of him so they were face to face, gazing into each others eyes. Dean traced Castiel's lips gently with the pad of his thumb, studying his face carefully and memorizing how he looked right now, committing it to memory.

Castiel chuckled, moving away when Dean made him. He parted his lips enough to kiss Dean's thumb, watching Dean with bright eyes. He moved off of Dean, scurrying under the bed to look for something. When he reemerged, he had a catalogue in his hand and a big smile on his face. He came and sat on the bed, cross-legged next to Dean and opened up the catalogue to gauges. "I was thinking of getting my right ear done with one of these," he said, pointing to a small black disc. "Not anything big. Nothing that stretches the lobe. Something smaller than that. And one that's just black and covered. I don't really wanna be able to see through it. That's just kinda weird."

Dean propped himself up on one elbow and leaned over to watch Cas search under the bed for something. "Whatcha doing?" He asked curiously, and sat up beside Cas when he came back on the bed. It was a catalogue for piercings and tattoos, and Dean looked at it with interest when Cas pointed out something. He thought for a moment, trying to picture Cas with an earring, and grinned slowly. "That would be so sexy," he murmured eagerly, leaning over to suck gently at Castiel's earlobe. "That would be so hot, baby."

Castiel chuckled, letting out a small shuddery moan when Dean sucked his earlobe. "And I was thinking maybe an industrial bar too," he said, flicking through the catalogue to stop at the piercings and pointed at an industrial bar in the shape of an arrow. "It'd go here," Castiel explained, showing Dean where it would go by pointing to the top of his ear. "I'd have them both on the same ear too, I think."

"Yeah?" Dean grinned, turning to look at Cas and imagining him with an industrial bar and a gauge in the same ear. He reached out and played with Castiel's hair, combing it forward experimentally. "Your hair covers your ears," Dean told him, wondering what it would look like if Cas got it cut differently. Dean didn't want to change Cas in any way because he was perfect the way he was, but he could tell Cas would look incredibly sexy and awesome with the piercings.

Castiel let Dean play with his hair experimentally and he gave a small shrug. "I can always style it with gel but I thought if I keep it this length I could cover them up if we went out somewhere real fancy or for when I'm at work. It's not really a professional look." He closed the catalogue and put it on the beside table, leaning back against the wall.

Dean nodded and ruffled Castiel's hair playfully before setting down with his head in Castiel's lap and looked up at him. "You're giving me ideas, Cas," Dean said thoughtfully, "Now I kind of want to get a tattoo or something. I don't know what, though." He smirked in amusement as an image came to mind. "Maybe I'll your face tattooed on my arm, right here." He flexed his muscle and patted his bicep. Dean always thought it was kind of funny when guys did that; tattooed their girlfriend's face on their arm. The kind of people he usually saw wearing those tattoos were tough, middle-aged biker rednecks with handlebar mustaches and beer bellies. Dean wasn't planning on turning into that, so the idea was funny to him.

Castiel chuckled, letting his hand rest in Dean's hair, petting him gently. "Maybe you could get like a symbol or something," Castiel mused. "Dedicated to your mom or something," he suggested lightly. "I mean, my wings symbolise my struggles and partially our relationship. If you're gonna get a tattoo it should be something meaningful. Something that's worth the pain."

Dean hummed thoughtfully in agreement, closing his eyes as Castiel's hand massaged his scalp lightly. "Yeah, it's just an idea," he said with a little shrug. "I haven't really thought about it much." Castiel's wing tattoos were powerful and breathtaking, and they meant so much, on top of being stunningly beautiful. Dean wasn't sure about getting something like that, he was more likely to get something more simple. He looked thoughtfully at the ugly scars on his wrists and wondered if a tattoo would cover them up.

Castiel noticed the way Dean looked at his own wrists and smiled sadly, gently cupping one arm to lift to his lips to press tender kisses to the scars. He lowered the arm back down and did the same with the other one, tenderly touching where Dean hurt most. "Beautiful," he whispered, pressing one final kiss to the skin before lowering the arm back to lie against Dean's side. He looked down at Dean and tussled his hair playfully. "I'm gonna go into the city tomorrow while you're at school. You need anything?" he asked casually.

Dean held his breath and watched as Cas gently kissed the scarred skin where Dean had tried to end his own life. It brought tears to his eyes when Cas told him he was beautiful, caressing his wrists with so much love and kindness that it hurt. He couldn't breathe for a moment, and then he sighed and held onto Castiel's shirt tightly, burying his face in his stomach. It was a moment before he could speak, so overcome with the meaningful touches of Castiel's hands and lips. "Nah," he muttered, smiling a little. "Unless you're going grocery shopping in the city. I want some pie."

Castiel rolled his eyes. Of course Dean would want pie. "Babe, I work in a bakery. You don't like our pie?" he asked, sounding a little hurt. Not that he made the pie. He'd only just learnt how to make bread and simple cookies but he still made a thing about it, pouting sadly and giving Dean puppy eyes. "See how it is. I'll get you some city pie," he said, still pouting dramatically.

"Cas, don't be a little bitch," Dean groaned, rolling his eyes and jabbing Cas playfully in the stomach. "Of course I love your pie. I don't care where the pie comes from, I was just saying that if you were going to the city anyways and happened to be in a bakery or something, just pick up some pie if it's convenient. Or you could always bake me one specially. I wouldn't object to that," he teased.

Castiel pouted further. "I'm not your wife," he commented with a small smirk. He pressed a kiss to Dean's nose before lifting him out of his lap so he could move. He got up and stretched his arms out with a strained sigh, clicking his back as he stood. "We should probably go back downstairs. The movie will be finished soon and you've gotta get Sam home."

Dean sighed and sat up, kissing the pout off of Castiel's lips. He watched as Cas stretched, admiring the hard, lean body and the way his muscles flexed and tightened when he moved. "Alright, babe," he said through a yawn as he stood up and stretched as well. "I'll drop Sam off at home and then how about I pick up a pizza for dinner?"

Castiel made a small noise as if in thought. He looked guilty and wouldn't look at Dean. "I..uh..I was actually hopin' to have the night to myself. I've got to head off early tomorrow and you've got school. So..." He rubbed the back of his neck absently, reaching out for Dean to run a hand through his hair. "Sorry, love," he murmured feeling bad but what could he do. He just wanted some time alone.

Dean's smiled faded a little and he shrugged. "That's okay," he said, "I'll see you later, then. Goodnight, baby." Dean leaned forward to kiss Castiel softly, and then he headed downstairs to collect Sam. As they drove home, Dean found himself wondering what Cas was going to do in the city when he went, and why he needed to go so early. He assumed it probably had to do with the trial.

Castiel felt bad but he needed to get his rest for tomorrow. It was going to be hard enough getting through the day, let alone without Dean. He sighed, going downstairs to see them off and to say goodnight to Jimmy. He went to bed and fell into a restless sleep without Dean by his side. He awoke the next morning before his alarm went off. He showered, had breakfast and rode out to the city on his motorcycle. He met with Crowley and his lawyer and spent the majority of the morning going over the they took a break, Castiel took the time out to text Dean. 'Hope you're hard at work. I'll be home at 4 xx'

Sam and Dean spent the rest of the evening eating the pizza Dean had picked up on their way home and playing video games, and they went to bed around midnight. The next day, school was a drag as it always was, and a little afternoon Dean got a text from Castiel. 'yeah, im working soooooooo hard xD. cant wait to see u tonight' he replied.

Castiel rolled his eyes at the text. 'Only Dean', he thought before returning back to the conference room and spent the next hour or so going over his story with his lawyer and asking questions about the trial. Once they were done, Crowley took him out for a late lunch in one of the finest restaurants in the city. He felt out of place. Thankfully he'd dressed reasonably smart to meet his lawyer so he didn't look like complete scum sitting next to Crowley in his fine tailored suit.

"So," Castiel began when their tea was brought out. "I can't..thank you enough for everything-"

"Not a problem, poppet," Crowley interrupted. "That's what friends are for." Crowley took a sip of tea before grimacing and turning around to gesture for the waitress. "What is this, goblin's piss?! Love, I would not serve this sewage water to my least favourite employees."

The waitress bit her lip, almost curtseying as she stumbled over her words as she gathered up the cups. "Sorry Mr McLeod. I'll make a new batch."

Crowley smirked as she hurried back to the kitchen. Castiel frowned. "There was nothing wrong with it," he commented quietly.

"I know. But I've got a reputation to uphold, kid. I can't just make people think their first try is always acceptable."

Castiel rolled his eyes but could help but grin. The rest of the afternoon was pleasant. Crowley went back to work after half an hour, leaving Castiel to enjoy lunch. Although, he did sort of wish Dean was here. Afterwards, he hit the shops. One of the other reasons he'd agreed to meet his lawyer in the city was so he could go shopping afterwards. He hadn't realized how late it had gotten until he looked at his watch. 6:03. Shit. He rushed back to his bike and drove home, almost an hour and a half journey with the traffic. He hoped Dean wouldn't be pissed.

After school, Dean texted Cas saying that he was going over to Castiel's house to wait for him and to hang out with Jimmy. Dean actually had some homework to do, and Cas was late coming home so Dean decided to attempt his calculus homework. He didn't understand any of it, and he asked Jimmy to help him out. "Hey, Jimmy. I know you're good with numbers, do you know calculus? I'm stuck and I wonder if you could explain this problem to me?" He asked, not knowing if Jimmy would be willing to help him.

Jimmy looked up from his spot on the armchair, Amber perched on the arm like yesterday. "O-Okay," he said timidly, keeping his head down as he stepped over to the couch to sit by Dean and look over his homework. He helped him with his homework easily until he heard the door click shut and peered up enough to see Castiel enter the room with several shopping bags. "Hey," Castiel said, slightly out of breath. Jimmy simply nodded and resorted back to his own seat.

Dean sighed in relief when Jimmy sat beside him on the couch and peered at the terrifying math problems over his shoulder, and by the time Cas got back Dean actually understood it a little better. "Hey," he greeted Cas, and then looked up as Jimmy went back to his seat in the chair. "Thanks, Jimmy. That really helped, I get it now." He set his notebook aside and went to help Cas with the bags. "What did you buy?" He asked with a curious smile.

Castiel pulled out a small orange box, tied with red ribbon and handed it to Dean. "Pie," he answered simply, not wanting Dean to know what he bought. "I'll be down in a minute," he said, picking up the bags again and carried them upstairs. He spent a good twenty minutes sorting everything out. He got distracted too easily. Clothes strewn out on the bed as Castiel took his time putting things on and admired himself in the mirror.

Dean grinned and took the pie from Cas, but before he could say anything Cas took the rest of the bags and disappeared upstairs. Dean watched him go and then wandered into the kitchen for two plates and he cut the pie into slices. "Does Cas seem weird to you today?" He asked Jimmy as he set one of the plates of pie in front of Jimmy on the coffee table. "I think he's acting weird." He frowned slightly as he took a bite of the pie and waited for Cas to come back, but he was up in his room for ages.

Castiel eventually stopped trying everything he owned on and put everything away in his wardrobe. Leaving a smallish rectangular box to sit beneath his side of the bed. He sighed, running a hand through his hair and checked the time. He had time before bed, he guested. He went into the bathroom and drew himself a bath, taking a long, relaxing soak, completely forgetting Dean was waiting for him downstairs.

Jimmy looked at the pie and gave a small smile, grateful Dean hadn't tried to hand it to him. "I don't know," Jimmy said, nibbling a piece before deciding he liked the taste of this pie. "We all have our secrets." He giggled a little before calming down again, rocking back and forth a little as he ate.

Dean watched Jimmy thoughtfully and then nodded slowly, continuing to eat his pie. When that was gone,he was still hungry so he got up for more and brought two glasses of water back for them and he switched on the TV to some random crime drama and pulled a blanket around himself. Cas was still upstairs and Dean thought he could hear the bathtub running, and he wondered what Cas could possibly be doing up there when he said he'd be right down. Dean sighed and stood up to go investigate and make sure Cas was okay. He knocked on the bathroom door. "Hey, are you alright in there?" he called, hearing the faint splash of water.

Castiel almost jumped out of his skin when someone knocked on the door, water sloshing against the porcelain with the movement. "Fuck," he said under his breath. "Yeah, just taking a bath," he said loud enough for Dean to hear. "It's open. If you wanna come in." He ran a hand over his shoulder, massaging the skin with the bubble bath water.

Dean shrugged and opened the door, taking a seat on the closed toilet lid and looking at Castiel with a confused expression. "You okay? You've been acting weird since you got home, babe." He said, trying to read the emotions in Castiel's face but he gave nothing away. "So, what'd you do today anyway?"

Castiel looked taken back. He'd been acting odd? He hadn't even noticed. "I just wanted a day to myself, that's all," he said with a shrug. "It can't always be me and you," he said, not realizing that might have sounded a bit harsher than intended. He scrubbed under his arms and dipped his head under the water before arising to run a hand through his hair to stop the water from falling over his face. "Caught up with Crowley. Saw my lawyer. Got you pie.."

Dean bit his lip, feeling awkward and clingy suddenly. "Yeah, you're right," he mumbled uncertainly. "Sorry, I'm glad you had a productive day, though." There was a slight pause, and Dean stood up. "I'm gonna cook some pasta, if you want any," he offered, "It'll be ready in about 15 minutes."

Castiel gave a small smile, he told himself not to feel bad. Dean got his time away at school and time with Sam. He needed this. Need his own space. "Uh, thanks but I've got plans tonight," he said awkwardly. "Shouldn't be more than a couple hours but I'd really like it if you stayed. I hate sleeping alone in that bed."

Dean tried not to feel hurt as Cas rejected him once more, and this time it was just something as simple as dinner. He nodded and moved towards the bathroom door. "Yeah, I'll stay here." He didn't bother asking what Cas was planning on doing tonight because he clearly didn't feel like sharing and for some insane reason Dean felt jealous. He left the room and went back downstairs, feeling unhappy,

Castiel sighed. He felt bad but it'd be worth it. He'd make it up to Dean. He was doing this for them. After Dean left he got out the tub, drained the water and went into the bedroom, drying his body and hair quickly. He spent the next twenty minutes fixing his hair and dressing up into a smart suit he'd bought that afternoon. A fitting grey waistcoat and black jacket showed off his figure perfectly. He stepped into trim black dress pants, newly polished shoes and finally slipped on a light grey skinny tie over a crisp white shirt. He style his hair so it spiked up in the front, grabbed his wallet and phone and headed downstairs. "I'll be back soon," he said, holding his hand out for Jimmy to squeeze before moving over to Dean to kiss his forehead. "I love you."

Dean sat back on the couch and watched whatever Jimmy had on TV, a discovery channel show about the ocean. He curled up, knees to his chest, and watched colorful fish swim around on the screen. Cas came down about twenty minutes later looking classy and dressed up, and Dean wondered what he could possibly be doing but Cas didn't seem inclined to tell him. "See you," he said to Cas as he kissed his forehead, and then he was gone. Dean glanced over at Jimmy, but he was focused intently on the TV and Dean sighed and went back to watching it.

Castiel felt a little annoyed that Dean didn't say it back. He was doing this for them. Couldn't he see that? He frowned, storming out of the house and went back into the city to meet up with Crowley and his associates. The night consisted of laughing, men in suits, cigars and champagne. And lots of it. Not much business talk was made but Castiel managed to get on all there good sides and make a good impression.

By the time Castiel got back home it was two in the morning and he was a little tipsy. He staggered out of Crowley's car (Crowley insisted on giving him a lift back instead of riding his bike) and up to his house with a large grin on his face. His tie was loosened as he walked..fell into the house. He tripped up the stairs in the dark and ran into his bedroom dramatically. "Honey, I'm home," he sang joyfully, giggling to himself as he fought to get out of his jacket and put it on the chair before staggering over to Dean.

Dean waited up for Castiel long after Jimmy went to bed, and when he couldn't stay awake anymore he just decided to go to bed, feeling a bit irritated since Cas hadn't said he was staying out this late. Dean headed upstairs a little after midnight and fell asleep on Castiel's bed, but he wasn't asleep for long before he heard the door opening and loud, clumsy footsteps on the stairs. Castiel announced himself loudly in the bedroom a moment later, and Dean sat up and squinted at him in confusion. "What the hell?" He grumbled, "You're drunk."

Castiel laughed, leaning over to kiss Dean's forehead. "And you, good sir. Are sexy," he countered with a large smirk. He backed away, unbuttoning his waistcoat and added it to the chair. "Sweetheart you are not gonna believe the night I've had," he grinned, giving Dean bright, proud eyes. "I.." he paused, untucking his shirt and rolled up the sleeves. "That's me. Have got a job with McLeod Industries."

"What?" Dean mumbled stupidly after a moment, the information sinking in. "Oh," he felt like an idiot now. And an asshole. "You got a job?" He said, waking up and feeling a little more and smiling at Cas in amazement. "Cas, that's great!" So that was where Cas was going that he was being so secretive about. "Why didn't you tell me you were going to a job interview?" Dean accused, still smiling. "I'm so proud of you."

Castiel looked bashfully at Dean, taking off his tie and sat down on the edge of the bed next to Dean. "I didn't want to get your hopes up," he said with a soft shrug. "Plus I spent a lot of money getting a new suit and I didn't want you to be mad if I didn't get the job." He pouted a little, squeezing Dean's cheeks together and laughing at the face he made.

Dean sighed a little and grabbed Castiel's hand, yawning. "If I'd known you were going to a job interview I'd have guessed you were auditioning to be a fashion model, in that fancy suit. You look damn good in it, baby." He smiled and leaned closer to press a kiss to Castiel's cheek, squeezing his hand. "I love you and I'm really proud of you."

Castiel grinned, leaning into Dean's touch. "Well I went out with Crowley and the top dogs," Castiel beamed in a smooth English accent. "I had to look presentable." He giggled, running a hand through Dean's hair. "I get to be an executive's assistant. They said they liked my sass," he grinned idiotically, laughing at nothing in particular.

"They liked your sass, huh?" Dean murmured, pulling Castiel closer and digging his nose into his neck. "I'm glad all that attitude of yours finally paid off, then," he teased, poking Castiel in the side. He was so proud of him. An executive's assistant was a very good job for someone so young. "Hey, what about your job at the bakery, are you still going to work there too?"

Castiel shook his head. "I don't think I can," he said sadly. "I might be able to on weekends if I ask but this job is full time so.." he shrugged, unbuttoning his shirt and laughing to himself. "You should have seen them. They took us to this strip club. Didn't take them long to convince them to let me in. Apparently they know the guy that owns the joint. Anyway. There was this stripper up on stage and she was..she just sucked. I said to them. I say, "I could run rings around that girl." They laugh and say, "I bet you $200 you can't."" Castiel took out his wallet and showed Dean the money. "And that's how I made $200 in one night by makin' an ass out of myself." Castiel continued to laugh, trying to take his shirt off but his fingers fumbled and he was finding it difficult. "I swear. Take these big shots out and they'll just hand money out. They tipped the waitress $50 just to bring 'em some snacks. It's insane, babe."

Dean's eyes widened in disbelief and he grinned. "Jesus, Cas! You're crazy." he looked into Castiel's wallet, and sure enough, there was $200, crisp and new, sitting right in his wallet. He helped Cas take off his shirt, loosening the buttons almost absently as he laughed at Castiel's excitement. "I'm glad you had a good night, hot stuff," he smirked, "Don't suppose you want to celebrate a little more?"

Castiel shrugged, taking off his shirt as Dean finished unbuttoning it. "Babe, I was being spontaneous. I was like 'what would they least expect?' and I went with that. These guys get bored easily and have way too much money to ever need anything. They don't want a stiff in a suit. They want a clown, you know?" Castiel didn't realize he was babbling and ended up just talking about pizza. "Oh God. Do Dominoes deliver this late? I'm so hungry, babe. Did you know it's made with real cheese? Like not that plastic stuff?" Castiel shrugged out of his pants, not even aware Dean was trying to be sexy for him. "Oh. And those little dough balls with garlic in? We gotta get them!"

Dean laughed and fell back onto the bed, shaking his head in amusement. His suggestive comment had gone right over Castiel's head, but Dean didn't care as long as Cas was happy. He picked up his cell phone from the nightstand and quickly dialed the number for Dominoes. Grinning at Cas, who was now just wearing his underwear, he ordered their pizza and then hung up the phone. "Yeah, I'm surprised they still have guys doing deliveries this late."

Castiel fist pumped the air in celebration. "DOMINOS!" Castiel beamed. "We're gonna get Dominos. D-D Dominos. What? What?" Castiel sang, doing some weird dance, not far off Chandler Bing's signature dance from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. "Sweetheart, I love you," he cried, wrapping his arms around Dean and came and sat in Dean's lap on the bed. "Will you be my pizza buddy for life?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "It's too late for this," he groaned, "Or should I say, too early?" He looked pointedly at the clock, which read 2:24. He collapsed back on the bed, bringing Cas down with him, and laughed into Castiel's gelled up, messy hair. "You have too much fun, baby." he teased, "And you smell like a stripper. Is that glitter in your hair?"

Castiel pouted, looking down at Dean. "Why won't you say you'll be my pizza buddy?" He sounded sad and disappointed until glitter was mentioned. "Chastity said it'd help my eyes shine," he beamed, laughing a little. "She's so nice. People had it wrong about strippers. Did you know she's only moonlighting there to pay for medical school?" He shook his head, grinning.

"Fine, I'll be your pizza buddy," Dean muttered in amusement, and he laughed in disbelief as Castiel mentioned Chastity. "A stripped named Chastity? Cas, only you could manage to befriend a stripper named Chastity. Did you get her number too?" Dean had to admit he was impressed that a young woman who earned money by taking her clothes off was going into medicine. It definitely did prove a point.

"You will?" Castiel asked almost child-like. He grinned, nuzzling at Dean's neck. "She's not called Chastity, really. It's just a stage name," he smirked in amusement. He nodded eagerly. "She said if I wanted to get into the business to give her a call," he said casually but shrugged. "I said only my Deanie-weanie could see me that naked," he nodded proudly, giving Dean a large grin. "Ain't that right, sweetheart," he murmured, patting Dean's thigh.

Dean laughed and kissed Castiel's forehead affectionately. "That's right," he agreed, grinning and running his hand down Castiel's side, pulling him closer and soaking in the warmth of his skin. "You're my boy. Can't have a bunch of drunk perverts eyeing you up, wouldn't feel right."

Castiel grinned, shaking his head in agreement. Time was a concept lost on Castiel because soon enough the door went and Castiel beamed, grabbing for his wallet and ran down the stairs. "Pizza!" he cried, oblivious to the fact he was still in his boxers. He answered the door with a big grin despite the delivery boys obvious confusion. Castiel had to squint but he was pretty sure he knew him. "Ey! It's Adam!" he cheered, looking up the stairs. "Dean! Dean! It's Adam."

Dean got off the bed and looked down the stairs curiously, and yeah, it was Adam. Dean groaned in mild embarrassment on Castiel's behalf and treaded down the stairs quickly, smiling politely at Adam. "Hey," he greeted, "Sorry about this one. He had too much fun tonight." Dean took the wallet out of Castiel's hands and took out a twenty for the pizza and the tip for Adam. "How do you work this late?" Dean asked, shaking his head in disbelief. Adam shrugged and handed over their pizza order. "I don't know. I live on Monster energy drinks. Enjoy your pizza, guys," Adam smirked a little in amusement at Cas.

"Bye Adam!" Castiel called out, waving a little like a five year old before running back up the stairs with the pizza. "Pizza, pizza, pizza," he chanted, jumping on the bed and sat down cross legged, putting the box in front of him and opening it up to practically drool and moan dramatically. "Smells so good," he groaned, taking a slice and eating it quickly. He hummed happily as he ate, bobbing from side to side contently.

Dean sighed tiredly with an affectionate smile as Castiel ran upstairs with the pizza, and Dean went into the kitchen and got two cans of coke before heading upstairs. He handed one can to Cas and opened the other one-handedly, taking a sip of it before sitting down on the bed across from Cas and taking a slice of hot, delicious-looking pizza. "Mmm," he hummed in agreement. It was a really weird time for them to be eating pizza, but Dean didn't care.

"I'm sorry I was sucha dick earlier," Castiel said after 4 slices of pizza, taking a sip of his coke. "I didn't mean to make you fell not included. I just wanted it to be a surprised," he said, biting his lip. "I mean, you know what this means, right? We can afford a nicer wedding. Or a honeymoon or somethin'." He took another sip of his coke before setting it on the side and leant back against the bed and closed his eyes, feeling tired and warm and full. "Can buy my man a ring he deserves," he mumbled under his breath.

Dean relaxed back against the pillows and tossed the empty pizza box on the floor. He patted the space on the bed in front of him invitingly and then pulled Castiel closer to rest his head on Dean's chest so Dean could stroke his hair and hold him gently. "It's alright, I was being ridiculous. I can be too clingy, sometimes." He smiled softly and kissed Castiel's head. "I'm so proud of you, baby. And you don't need to go overboard on a ring."

Castiel sighed and leaned into Dean's touch. He shook his head gently. "No. It's something you'll have to wear for ever and ever. It has to be special," he protested, snuggling up closer to Dean and closed his eyes again, he wrapped and arm around Dean's waist and sighed, quickly falling into a peaceful slumber against the warmth of Dean's chest.

"It will be special," Dean insisted, "I'm just saying that bigger isn't always better. It's the thought that counts, not how much money you spend on it." Dean breathed deeply and relaxed, and when Cas didn't answer Dean looked down at him to discover that he'd fallen asleep. "Goodnight," Dean whispered with a little smile, kissing Castiel's forehead.

Castiel awoke in the late afternoon to find Dean gone. At school he assumed and it took him a while to register how he'd gotten home and how much he'd drunk. He groaned and scrubbed a hand through his hair, yawning tiredly. He picked up his phone and checked his messages. He replied to his mom and Michael before texting Dean. "Where's my pizza buddy? xx" with an attached photo of Castiel looking hungover and incredibly sad.

Dean luckily woke up in time to go to school, and he kissed Castiel's cheek before sliding out of bed quietly, not wanting to wake him up. He showered quickly and borrowed some of Castiel's clothes, and he drove to school and made it on time. Near the end of the day, in his French class, he got a text message from Cas and he snorted quietly as he saw the attached photo. He replied quickly with a picture of himself looking bored and tired. "French class. Can't wait to get home to my baby 3" he replied.

Castiel hummed, admiring Dean in the photo. "You look so handsome. Could you bring some milk back on your way over? xx" He pressed send and then went into the bathroom and took a bath, filling the tub with bubbles and sighed as the warm water soaked his skin. He took another photo of himself, grinning idiotically with a bubble beard and sideburns. "This workin' for you at all? xx" He sent the text and then sighed, letting himself fully relax in the tub.

Dean had to cover his mouth to suppress the giggles when he saw Castiel's next picture, and he glanced up to make sure the teacher wasn't looking before sending a reply, "soooo sexy xoxo" and made a creepy come-hither face at the camera on his phone and hit send. He smiled and let his mind wander. Castiel in the bathtub was a much more fascinating topic to think about than the past perfect tense in French.

Castiel received Dean's text and laughed, biting his lip as he wondered what else he could send Dean. He took a photo of his face once more when he got out of the shower and was lying on the bed in just a pair of boxers. "So lonely without you" he texted, making sure to pout sadly in the photo before hitting send. He fell back against the bed and sighed. Still tired from the night before.

Dean sent another quick reply, "class almost over, see you in 20 minutes" and attached a picture of himself grinning idiotically. He sent it and then waited impatiently for the last ten minutes of class, and as soon as the bell rang he was already up and heading out the door. He got into his car and drove to Castiel's, letting himself into the house. "Honey, I'm home!" He called happily, mimicking Castiel's drunken entrance from the night before.

Castiel had fallen asleep again by the time Dean came home, his phone was lying on his chest and he sighed subconsciously at the sound of Dean's voice. He stirred a little, waking up but didn't bother getting up. He was too lazy and tired to do that. His whole body pleasantly ached from his bath and there was no way he was ruining that by trying to move.

Dean went upstairs and found Castiel lying sleepily on the bed in nothing but his boxers, smelling fresh and clean and pretty. He crawled onto the bed over Cas and buried his face in his neck, his skin still warm and damp from the shower. "Mmm," he hummed, tongue darting out a little to taste the skin there. "Hey, gorgeous," he murmured, "Have a nice day?"

"Mmm," Castiel answered, letting Dean smell and touch him. His chest feeling warmer with the embrace. "You got any homework?" he murmured, still struggling to stay awake. "Education comes first," he reminded with a sleepy grin. He pressed a kiss to Dean's forehead and sighed, curling up against his fiancé in companionable silence.

Dean trailed his hand over Castiel's chest and rested his head on his shoulder. "Little bit," he admitted, "I can do it really quickly, though. Wanna stay here with you for a little longer." Dean closed his eyes and relaxed against Castiel's warm body, not wanting to get up. "When do you start working?" he asked softly.

Castiel hummed against Dean's warm hand. "Tomorrow," he grinned giddily. "Get to wear sexy clothes and work for a rich asshole who pays me far too much to make him coffee and take out his dry-cleaning." He chuckled a little, sinking deeper into the mattress as he relaxed. "Go do your homework, Dean. It's important. You need to get back on top after what happened whilst I was away. You need to graduate, Dean."

Dean sighed and held onto Cas tighter. "Cas, I'm all caught up and I'm doing fine," he whined, "I'm gonna graduate. I have solid Bs right now, which is much better than when you were gone." Dean didn't like thinking about that dark time in his life, and it made him shudder slightly when he remembered how bad he was back then. "I feel confident now, Cas."

Castiel sighed. "As long as you're sure," he said, stroking a hand through Dean's hair. He let his eyes slip closed again and found himself falling asleep again, trying to work of the hangover. When he woke up, it was morning. He frowned at his clock and groaned. He'd slept the whole night. He felt groggy and lazy. He stretched tiredly and searched through his wardrobe for something smart to wear on his first day.

Cas fell asleep within a few minutes, and Dean got up and did his homework, tucking Castiel under the blanket so he wouldn't get cold. He didn't want to wake Castiel up, so he wrote a note instead. _Have a good first day at work, baby. I packed you lunch, it's in the fridge. Love you. I'll cook dinner for you tonight and we can celebrate xoxo -Dean" _He drew a heart after his name and left the note taped to Castiel's mirror where he'd be certain to see it, and then he went downstairs to prepare a lunch for Castiel tomorrow before heading home to spend some time with his dad and Sam.

Castiel stuck his tongue out whilst he tied his tie. Today he wore a navy shirt and black skinny tie with a his back fitted waistcoat and jacket. Dress pants and polished shoes. As he was doing his hair in the mirror he spotted a piece of paper stuck to it. A note from Dean. He grinned excitedly, going downstairs and finding a brown paper bag in the fridge. He took it with him as he took the bus back to the city, seeing as he'd left his bike out there two nights ago.

Dean spent the rest of the evening in the company of Sam and John, who seemed softer and kinder. Dean occasionally caught John looking at him with a strange expression, a tiny smile, his eyes shining with pride. It was unusual, and Dean didn't know how to react to it, so he just pretended he didn't notice. The next day, he went to school feeling calm and confident about his future.

Castiel got into the city an hour later. He met up with Crowley who showed him around the building. "You'll mainly be working on the twentieth floor with Hugo. Who you've already met," he smirked. Castiel rolled his eyes. "Still can't believe he made me eat all that watermelon," he groaned. Crowley laughed, patting him on the back. "You got the job, didn't ya?" Castiel smirked but didn't say anything as Crowley led him up to Hugo's office. "See ya round, kid," Crowley said, giving Hugo a subtle nod through the window before heading back to work.

Castiel gripped hold of his lunch a little tighter and knocked on Hugo's door. He felt like he was a schoolboy off to see the headmaster. It was really weird. A surreal experience Castiel wasn't sure he'd get used to. Hugo gestured for him to come in and beamed charmingly at him. "Ah! If it isn't Mr. I can dance better than strippers," Hugo grinned, standing up from his chair to shake Castiel's hand.

"Hello, Mr. Evans," Castiel greeted with enthusiasm. "Great to see you again, sir. Nice tie." Hugo looked down at his tie and smiled in surprise. "Thank you, Novak. The wife has an eye for these things." Castiel grinned, standing there a little bashfully. "So, uh. Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked, expecting his boss to be an asshole and whip out a list about a mile long of pointless tasks for him to do.

Instead, he was pleasantly surprised when Hugo handed him an A5 piece of paper with a list of about 8 fairly straight forward things for him to do on it. "Have them done by 1. There's a conference call upstairs at 1:15 and I'd like you to come with me, take down notes." Castiel nodded and with a "Yes, sir." went to work.

By 12:50, Castiel was done and sat at his desk, staring tiredly at his brown paper bag. He smiled happily when he saw what was inside and nibbled silently at his PB&J sandwich, washing it down with a soda he'd bought at the vending machine. By 1:10 he was ready for the meeting and knocked on Hugo's door, giving him a five minute heads up. Hugo seemed impressed.

The conference went on for a good three hours. Crowley taking the lead as they spoke on the video phone with the French devision of the company. Castiel spent the first twenty minutes grinning like a cat when he could see his mom sitting in the room on the screen. Crowley caught on after about ten minutes and stopped talking.

"Mrs. Novak. Please wave at your son before his cheshire cat grin blinds us all," he quipped causing Castiel to blush and the executives to chuckle. Mrs. Novak laughed, waving at Castiel who waved back just as enthusiastically. After that, Crowley continued and Castiel spent the majority of the time writing down as many notes as he could as he sat in the far corner with the other assistances.

When the conference was over, he went up to Hugo and asked how he wanted the notes presented. "Just give it to the translation boys, they'll sort it out." Castiel frowned. "But I already did that. I took my notes in English." Hugo looked impressed. Most who knew French here could write it and then translate it. Not both at the same time. "Good," Hugo said slowly, peering over at Castiel's notebook and nodded in approval. "Have it written in type, bounded and on my desk by 5. Then you may go home early." Castiel nodded and did just that.

It took Castiel about 45minutes to type it out but it was worth it. It meant he had some time to spare in the city before going home. He got his ear pierced. Both the industrial bar and the gauge done. Both in his right ear. He also got his hair cut, shaped and style to spike up at the front and down the sides a little whilst still being long enough to style if he wanted to change it. He bought Dean more pie and a rose, got his bike and headed home with a huge grin on his face. By the time he got home and though the door it was 7:15pm.

Dean was messing around in the kitchen trying to decide what to make for dinner. He wanted it to be special since it was Castiel's first day of work, but so far all he'd succeeded in doing was getting a bottle of red wine out of the cellar and flipping absently through cookbooks, and it was already 5:30. Finally, he decided to make a quick run to the store for expensive steaks, fresh shrimp, and mushrooms to grill. He got back to Castiel's house at around 6:00 and wondered when Cas would be getting home, because he wanted to at least have the dinner halfway prepared when Cas came home. Dean went onto the back porch and lit the grill, waiting for the flames to settle as he went back inside and began preparing the kabobs. He cut the steak into bite size chunks and speared them on skewers with shrimp and mushrooms, and then he carried them outside on a plate to the grill. Once they were cooking he went back inside and pawed through the cupboards to find something to make seasonings or marinade, anything to make the meal more interesting. He found a few limes, pepper, and tequila, and salt, and he mixed the things together and hoped it would taste good, because he didn't really know what he was doing but he'd had something like this before. He brought the bowl outside with a basting brush and painted the sauce onto the kebabs as they cooked over the grill. He headed back inside when he was done with that and set the dining room table, watching the clock. When he was bringing the food back inside from the grill, he heard the door open. "Hey, Cas!" He called from the kitchen, concentrating on the food and making sure the steak was done. "How was your first day?"

Castiel grinned, closing the door behind him and checked himself out in the hallway mirror quickly before entering the kitchen. "Amazing," he said, kissing Dean's cheek and placed the box of pie on the kitchen counter so he could wrap his arms around Dean's waist, still hiding his appearance by standing behind Dean as he reveal the rose in his hand in front of Dean. "For you," he murmured into Dean's ear. He smelt the food and his belly rumbled as if on cue. "Smells good, babe."

Dean grinned and leaned back into Castiel's arms, closing his eyes and humming contentedly. "I thought we should celebrate," he explained, smiling widely when he saw the pie and the rose, which he took and gently touched. "Cas, you're so sweet," he said, turning around in Castiel's arms. "I'm glad you- whoa!" His jaw dropped when he looked at Cas. He stepped back a little so he could look Cas up and down, eyes wide and smiling wider. "Wow, let me see this," he said excitedly, stepping closer and gently turning Castiel's head to the side to look at the piercings in his ear and the way his hair was cut and styled.

Castiel chuckled. Dean was so sweet and considerate. When Dean turned around he couldn't help but smirk. "Am I hot or am I hot?" he grinned, tilting his head so Dean could see his piercings better. "I got let out early seeing as it was my first day and I know a great place in the city that does piercings thanks to Meg and I decided to just go for it." He let his hand ride up Dean's back and to brush against the back of his neck. "Babe, I love it when you gaze at me like this but if you keep it up you're gonna burn all this delicious food," he chuckled, moving away to let Dean finish what he was doing before he distracted him.

Dean shivered in pleasure when Castiel's hand slid up to the back of his neck where he was sensitive. "Well, you look incredible," he said, "I never wanna stop gazing at you even if I start drooling." Dean patted Cas in the chest with a warm smile, eyes bright, and finished preparing the food. He carried it over to the table and set it in the center. He dimmed the lights a little to make it more romantic, and poured them each a glass of wine. "Seriously, Cas. You need to stop getting hotter because you're making me look bad," he joked.

Castiel came and sat down at the table with Dean, eyeing the food. He chuckled a little. "I don't know about that. With all this gorgeous food around I might be getting fatter." He held up his glass for Dean to clink them together before taking a sip. He sighed heavily. He'd needed that all day. He looked at Dean as he began eating and grinned. "Look at you. Makin' me lunch and dinner. Sucha gentleman. I love it," he grinned, taking a bite of the steak and groaning in delight. "Fuck me. That is some good meat. Dean this is amazing!" he praised happily, smiling over the table at Dean.

"I think this makes me the wife in this relationship," Dean grumbled, pretending to be unhappy. "I stay home and cook dinner and keep house, and you go out to work and bring home the bacon. And bring me flowers and pie." Dean grinned at Cas and took a bite of the meal, hoping his experimentation hadn't gone wrong. He was pleasantly surprised at the meat and he laughed at Castiel's reaction. "Fuck you? Maybe later." he teased, sipping the wine which went very well with the steak. Dean couldn't stop looking at Cas and smiling, amazed by his new style. He looked so confident and sexy, such a huge change from that boy Dean had fallen in love with over a year ago.

Castiel blushed a little as Dean teased him. He knew he was only joking but Castiel still felt a little uncertain about that. It had been over 5 months since the incident. They continued to eat with pleasant company. Castiel talked about work with a smile as he ate and sipped at his wine. "I saw my mom on the conference call with the French devision. Crowley stopped talking to the CEO just so my mom could say hi," he chuckled, blushing a little more as the alcohol hit his system. "Can you imagine? First day on the job in front of the most important people in the company and I get caught out waving at my mom."

Dean grinned in disbelief. "Seriously? The things you get away with, Cas." Dean shook his head in amusement and ate some more of his food. "You're lucky you're so cute, baby. I doubt anyone else would get away with that on their first day on the job. Did everything go well? How's your boss?"

"Hey," Castiel protested weakly. "Crowley's fault not mine. He's the one that told us to say hi before he did his nut in." He took another bite of the kabob, liking the taste of the sauce and mushrooms together. "Good," he nodded, swallowing the piece of food in his mouth. "His name is Hugo. I think he's the youngest executive so he's cool..snazzy dresser, pretty laid back. He's nice. " He finished his meal and poured a little more wine into his glass, leaning back in his chair. "Don't worry, babe. He's married. And straight. No office romance there," he teased, winking at Dean and chuckled lightly. He reached his hand up to play with his earring absently, getting used to the feeling. He took another sip of wine and looked over at Dean gratefully. "Thank you so much, Dean. For making us this wonderful meal. I can't think of a better way to celebrate my first day." He got out of his chair and moved across the table to kiss Dean's forehead tenderly before moving away to pick up their plates to wash up.

"Good, I was starting to worry a little. Dancing with strippers can often lead to office romances," he teased back, sipping his wine and sitting back. He stood up after a moment to go outside and make sure the grill was cooling down, and then he came back in to help Cas clean up. "I'm really proud of you, Cas." Dean said for the millionth time, smiling happily as he began putting ingredients away.

Castiel blushed, smiling ridiculously as he washed up the dishes. He'd ditched his jacket and had rolled up his shirt sleeves so they wouldn't get wet. "Thanks," he smiled, finishing the washing up and dried his hands. "I'm just grateful to have such a loving and supporting partner," he said, pressing a soft kiss to the back of Dean's neck as he wrapped his arms around his waist, keeping him close.

"That's me," Dean agreed happily, leaning back into Castiel's chest and putting his hands lightly over Castiel's to hold him there. "But what about your dancing?" He wondered, "Are you still going to audition? You're so talented, baby." Dean turned around in Castiel's arms and faced him, looking into his eyes earnestly.

"Of course I will," Castiel said with a small smile. "Even if I do get in, I've still got like 6 months before school starts. I might as well work that time instead of waiting for you to come home from school."And if I don't get in..I'll still have a pretty awesome job." He kissed Dean's neck again, smiling against the skin. "I'm gonna go check on Jimmy. See if he's okay," he said softly, padding upstairs to find Jimmy asleep. He closed his door fully before going into his own room and began undressing out of his work clothes.

Dean nodded and leaned in to Cas, sliding his arms around his waist and holding him for a moment before letting him go check on Jimmy. When Cas was upstairs, Dean finished clearing up their dinner plates and making sure the kitchen was as clean as it was when he'd started cooking. Dean felt so domestic and it was nice, even if he was doing the cooking and cleaning. He didn't mind, and he was just happy.

Castiel had stripped down his boxers and bit his lip he looked at the box just visible under the bed and tapped his fingers lightly against his thigh. He looked over at the door and decided to go for it. He took out the box from under the bed and shut the door, quickly dressing into a pair of black lace panties with black stocking suspenders. He looked in the mirror and blushed. He barely recognised himself with his new body and hair and just everything about him had changed. He hoped Dean still loved him this way. He sat on the bed, trying to pose sexy but was finding it difficult. He looked ridiculous. This wasn't a good idea. He bit his lip and locked himself in the bathroom before Dean could see him like this.

Dean headed upstairs after he was done with the kitchen and looked for Castiel, but he was in the bathroom so Dean just went to wait for him in his room. He thought for a moment and then took off all his clothes, crawling onto the bed and laying there with the sheets draped low over his hips, waiting for Cas to come back into the room. He didn't know if Cas wanted to fool around tonight, but just in case Dean wanted to be prepared.

Castiel paced the bathroom floor a few times, looking down at himself. This wasn't sexy. How could Dean think this was sexy? Think he was sexy? He was defiled and corrupt. Dean fell in love with an innocent, shy boy. Castiel wasn't that person any more. He wouldn't like this. What he'd become. He scrubbed a hand over his face in annoyance. He got out the bathroom and went over to the bedroom, he hid behind the door and with his arm, stretched inside to turn the light off so he could come in without Dean seeing him. "Just close your eyes," he insisted, sounding strained and fed up as he entered the room cautiously.

Dean squinted and could barely make out Castiel coming towards him in the dark. "Cas, what's wrong?" He asked, forgetting the sexy thing he'd been trying to do and sat up on the bed, fumbling for the dim lamp on the bedside table, but he couldn't find the switch in the dark. He was confused why Cas had turned the light off before coming into the room and why he was telling Dean to close his eyes, and the unhappiness in his voice. Finally, he switched on the dim lamp and saw Cas, and his eyes widened, jaw dropping in shock as he looked him up and down. "Holy..."

Castiel made a small noise in annoyance when Dean turned the light on. He tried to cover himself up as much as he could and tilted his body away from Dean. "I said don't look," he said again, picking up a sheet and covering himself properly. "I'm sorry..I thought I could be sexy but I just look stupid," he sighed, looking down at the floor. Oblivious to Dean's in awe expression.

Dean shook his head quickly, leaning forward and grasping the sheet Castiel was holding, but he didn't pull it away because Cas wasn't comfortable with how he looked and Dean didn't want to expose him, but how could he not see how hot he looked? Just the brief glimpse of Cas wearing those tight little lace panties and the stockings with suspenders was enough to make the beginnings of arousal coil low in Dean's stomach, and he stared up at Cas. "Cas, drop the fucking sheet and let me look at you." He said, his voice rough and low.

Castiel swallowed hard and hesitantly let go of the sheet, letting it fall back against the bed. He blushed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I-I'm sorry, Dean," he said, biting his lip. "I just wanted everything to go right and I wanted it to be special and I've ruined it and..." he sighed, dipping his fingers against the clip, ready to take off the suspenders. "I'll just get changed them we can go to bed."

"Cas, what the hell are you talking about? You look incredible." Dean looked him up and down and nodded in appreciation, feeling his cock twitch in interest. "When did you get this?" Dean leaned forward and slowly hooked his finger into the suspenders on Castiel's thigh, snapping it lightly. "So sexy," he murmured, sliding his hand down Castiel's muscular leg, feeling the smooth material of the stockings under his fingers.

Castiel blinked in shocked. "R-Really?" He looked down at Dean's hand and swallowed thickly. A jolt of electricity racing through him at the touch. "I..uh," he voice went unnaturally high and he had to clear his throat. "When I went shopping the other day. I thought it'd be fun." He blushed deeply, subconsciously stepping a little closer into Dean's touch. "I just feel silly," he said honestly with a nervous chuckle.

"Shut up, you look hot." He put his other hand on Castiel's leg, on the inside of his thigh, and trailed his fingers down Castiel's leg and then back up to his hips, fingers ghosting over the lacy material of the panties. "Jesus, Cas. Maybe you _should_ be a stripper." He grabbed Castiel's hips and pulled him forward, pressing his lips to the skin right above the low waistline of the panties and looked up at Castiel's face as he snapped the elastic hemline with his teeth.

Castiel grinned a little, gasping as Deans fingers brushed over his crotch. He bit his lip and moaned as he watched Dean snap the hemline with his God damn teeth. Holy crap that was hot. He swallowed dryly, letting his body relax a little in Dean's touch. "I could always..give you a lap dance," he suggested slowly in retort to Dean calling him a stripper. "W-Would you like that, baby?" he asked, starting to slide into the role of being hot and sexy for Dean a little easier. "Put on a little show for you?"

"Please," Dean begged, licking Castiel's stomach teasingly before slapping his ass and sitting up on the bed, pulling the sheet off his lap to reveal his already half-hard cock and stroked himself lazily. "I could probably get off on just looking at you right now, Cas," he murmured, "Fuck, you're so hot. I wonder what it'll look like when you get hard in those tight little panties. I bet it's so hot, baby, wanna see you..."

Castiel groaned and moved closer as Dean slapped his ass. He smiled bashfully at just how turned on Dean was by all this. It made him feel a bit more confident and sexy. He pulled Dean's hand away so he wasn't touching himself so he could start teasing Dean with flirtatious dancing. His ass grinding lightly against Dean as he looked over his shoulder to smile at Dean. "Like this?" he asked innocently, pulling away to stand back up and dance around for Dean, moving his hips seductively. His own arousal beginning to hit him as he watched Dean with wonderment.

Dean sat on the edge of the bed and groaned when Cas pulled his hand away from himself and ground against him on his lap, the satiny lace panties sliding against his sensitive skin. Dean grinned excitedly when Cas stood up and started moving around the room a little bit, his hips rolling and circling suggestively, and Dean couldn't take his eyes off him. "Amazing," he breathed, staring at Castiel's body with wide eyes, and then darting his gaze up to Castiel's face, and a sudden jolt of arousal went through him when he met Castiel's eyes. "Fuck me," he begged, "Jesus Christ, Cas."

Castiel giggled a little, biting his lip as he ground back down against Dean, face first this time. "You like that, sweetheart?" he breathed, moving Dean's hand to lie against his clothed thigh. "It's okay. You can touch," he whispered against the shell of Dean's ear, sucking on the lobe teasingly before moving away with a huge grin.

Dean moaned against Castiel's shoulder as he settled in his lap and he slid his hand up the side of Castiel's thigh and back down to his knee and then up again, grinding up a little into Castiel's body. Cas was sitting nearly naked on Dean's completely naked lap, and it was so good, so hot and perfect and amazing. "The things you do to me," he breathed in awe, shuddering in pleasure when Cas sucked on his ear before moving back and smirking at him.

Castiel grinned, moving a little closer to Dean and started moving at his neck. "All for you," he assured with a breathless smile. "Just for you." He looked around, fishing out his phone out of his work pants and held it up between them to take a photo as he kissed Dean deeply. He looked over the photo and grinned in approval. "That's gonna be my background," he announced proudly before setting his phone on the side.

Dean didn't see the photo, but he could guess it looked incredibly hot as they kissed deeply, and he sighed and moaned, leaning forward for more. Dean put his hands on Castiel's ass and pulled his hips closer, desperate and hungry for more friction and soft slide of satin. "Oh, God," Dean moaned, pulling Cas closer and grinding up against him, "Cas, if you could see yourself right now... holy _fuck_..."

Castiel bit his lip and groaned, tilting his head back. "Feels so good," he breathed, kissing Dean again as he desperately rubbed against him. Not caring about looking sexy anymore. "Dean..I'm gonna cream these panties if we keep this up," he chuckled breathlessly, groaning loudly as his hips slid against Dean's. "God damn, Dean," he murmured, pushing Dean down onto the bed to roll them over to have Dean above him.

Dean whined breathlessly and dug his fingers into Castiel's ass, needing him closer. "Take 'em off, then," he panted, growling in desperate need as Cas pushed him down and then rolled over and pulled him on top, and Dean paused for a moment to look down at Cas. "God, you're beautiful," he breathed, leaning down to kiss him possessively, tasting every corner of his mouth and swallowing up every sound Castiel made.

Castiel's breath was taken away as Dean moved away just enough to look at him for a moment. He looked so beautiful and desirable and down right loving and it was all Castiel could do not to come right then and there. Instead he moaned into Dean's mouth as they kissed, his legs wrapping around Dean's waist lightly in an attempt to get him to move a little. "I was hoping to keep them on," he breathed, smirking a little. "Seeing as they turn you on this much."

Dean let a high, breathless moan and pressed down against Castiel's hips, his entire body hot and tingling with arousal. He slotted one leg between Castiel's and rutted against him, the mattress creaking with every thrust, and he stroked Castiel's erection through the material of the panties. "Fuck, Cas," Dean whined, biting at Castiel's lips and then moving his mouth to his neck to suck a mark there, possessive and needy. "Cas, I'm close," he panted, not wanting it to be over yet when they'd barely started.

Castiel bit his lip, feeling both turned on and nervous as Dean started thrusting roughly against him. He swallowed thickly, trying to turn them over but Dean was marking his skin and making him moan loudly. He was sure to wake Jimmy. He covered his own mouth with his hand and tried to concentrate on coming before nerves overthrew him. Before the past taunted him into cowering out He could feel the tension rising in his chest with Dean being so close and all around him. It was too much and yet not enough. He was so conflicted between emotions and didn't know what to do. "Do it," he whispered, voice shaking. His hands going into Dean's hair for something to do. "Come for me, love."

Dean was so close, and he needed to come. He was right at the edge of an orgasm and he desperately needed the release, but something was wrong. Dean froze and stared down at Cas with wide eyes, panting hard and forcing himself not to come just yet. "Cas?" he murmured, stroking his hair gently and looking down at him in concern. He could see the arousal deep and dark in Castiel's eyes but there was something off about it, something that almost looked forced, and Dean felt uncertain. "Cas, baby, was it too much?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper, "Too fast?"

Castiel forced himself to shake his head, bucking up into Dean. "Just come already," he groaned, needing Dean to get off already in both senses of the word. He squeezed Dean's ass before moving his hand around to grope Dean's heavy erection, stroking him quickly and biting his lip. At least this way Dean wouldn't have to rut against him. He kissed Dean's neck to hide his face and continued to touch Dean. "Come on, baby. Come for me."

Dean shook his head and bit back a moan as Castiel touched him, and he pushed his hand away and rolled off of Cas, ignoring his need for a moment and pushing himself up on his hands so he wasn't touching Cas anymore, afraid that he was making him uncomfortable because something didn't feel right. "No," he protested, frowning when Cas wouldn't meet his eyes. "Cas, tell me what's bothering you. We can't do this if you're not comfortable." He refused to let himself have any more pleasure unless Cas was enjoying it too, because otherwise he felt like he was just using Cas to get off, and the thought of that disgusted him and made him cringe.

Castiel groaned in annoyance, flopping back against the bed and let out a small whimper. "Why do you always have to be so fucking perfect?!" he cried out in frustration, looking up at the ceiling. "Not everything has to be about me, Dean. You're allowed to blow your load while fooling around with me. Doesn't mean I have to get off on it too." Castiel didn't realize what he was saying was wrong on so many levels. He just kept picturing Lucifer in his mind and thinking that's how Dean should treat him. Just roughly use him no matter whether Castiel wanted to or not. He sighed, sitting up to unclip his suspenders and unroll the stockings from his feet. "I just wanted to do something nice. For you. This wasn't about me, Dean. This is about you getting something back for everything you've done for me. This was your reward and you couldn't even fucking do that right without caring about my damn feelings. Jesus christ, Dean." Castiel was sobbing now. In nothing but a pair of black panties. "Fuck," he groaned, covering his face in his hands. "I just wanted to make you feel good and I can't even do that."

Dean sat up, his arousal fading almost as quick as it had come, and he ignored his neglected erection and hoped it would just go away because the moment was gone. "Cas, that's just messed up," Dean said, staring at him in disbelief and pulling Cas up to sit across from him. "Seriously, pull yourself together and just calm down and listen to me, alright? I'm not an idiot and I know you well, Cas. I know when you're not into it, and I'm not gonna just keep going until I finish. That's not fair and it makes me feel like I'm using you for sex and I hate that, Cas." Dean looked at Cas and sighed sadly. "Shit, you're crying." he murmured, taking Castiel's hand and squeezing it gently. "I'm sorry, baby. I just can't do it if you're not there with me. It doesn't feel right."

Castiel wouldn't look at Dean but felt a hand slip in his and he didn't try to pull away. Just let it be held. "But, I wanna be there with you," he protested with a small whimper. "Dean, I- I'm just not there but I really really wanna be. It's just..every time you go too fast or rough I see his face and it scares the shit out of me. And I'm afraid if we keep going slow and gentle you'll loose interest in me. Being in this get up has gotten you more aroused than 'I love you's and tenderness ever has. I'm not saying you don't love me. I know you do. But sexually..you want more and..as much as I want to give you all this. I-I can't. And it's not fair."

Dean bit his lip and looked at Cas sadly. "I know," he murmured, "Baby, I know." He scooted closer and pulled Cas to him in a gentle, comforting embrace. "C'mere, just breathe. I've got you." They sat in silence for a moment, Dean gently holding Castiel and stroking his hair in a comforting gesture. "I'm so sorry, Cas. I get carried away sometimes and I don't mean to be rough, I kind of stopped thinking and I'm so, so sorry. It's my fault. And Cas, don't ever think for a second that I'll lose interest in you, because I can't see any way for that to happen. I love you for more than just sex, you know." Dean pressed a gentle kiss to Castiel's temple and gently carded his fingers through Castiel's hair.

Castiel sighed, closing his eyes as he let his head fall against Dean's chest. Tears falling as he closed his eyelids. "That's just my point, Dean. We should be able to have sex and just..let loose. Go at it like rabbits or..jesus, I've even tied you up before. We can't do any of that now and it shouldn't have to be like this." He sniffed a little, remaining silent and angry at himself that he couldn't even pleasure his boyfriend. Dean had gone to the trouble to make them dinner and Castiel couldn't even thank him for it the way he wanted to. He moved away from Dean, wriggling out of his panties and moved around Dean to slip under the covers and try and ignore his problems. "It's getting late and I've got work tomorrow," he mumbled under his breath.

"Cas, don't be like this. I'm trying to understand. Please don't feel bad about it, I'm not angry. I just want you to be happy." Dean stared down at the back of Castiel's head as he crawled under the covers and turned away. Dean was disgusted with himself. He'd lost control of his own arousal and gotten carried away with pleasing himself, and he'd ignored Castiel's own needs. He sighed and slipped out of bed to go into the bathroom and finish himself off, desperate to get rid of the itching need in his body. He quickly jerked himself off in the bathroom and then cleaned up, but he wasn't quite ready to go back to bed yet. He didn't know what to say to Cas, besides apologizing more and begging for forgiveness. He hesitated in front of the sink, glaring at himself in the mirror unhappily.

Castiel held his breath and waited for Dean to come closer to him and suffocate him again but it didn't happen. Dean had left and resorted into the bathroom. Castiel let out a small frustrated sigh, running a hand over his stomach. He just wished things could go right for them for once. They'd had such a perfect meal together and Castiel had to go and ruin it by trying to spice things up. He hated this. He hated making Dean wait and feel like this was his fault. It wasn't. A man has needs he can't help that. He spread out on the bed, sheets carelessly sliding down his chest. He looked up at the ceiling and felt like crying. Great first day. He thought bitterly.

The guilt was overwhelming, and Dean cringed at the thought of going back into the bedroom and facing Castiel now. He shivered a little and wrapped his naked body in a bathrobe he found hanging on a hook on the back of the door, and he sat down on the closed toilet lid and stalled for as long as he could, fiddling absently with Castiel's razor, which had been resting on the edge of the sink. He felt like a monster, like Cas was seeing Lucifer when he looked at him, and it made him so angry at himself. He couldn't even bear to look at himself.

Castiel sighed and waited for what felt like ever but Dean never came back he got out of bed and padded to the bathroom, knocking on the door lightly. "Sweetheart, please," he said lightly. "Please come to bed." He was too tired for this. He already felt like crap. He didn't need this guilt on top of it. "I-I'm sorry," he said against the door. His forehead rested lightly against it. "I know you're nothing like him. I know you won't hurt me. I just need to go slower, that's all. I'm really sorry, Dean. I'll get better. I promise. I'll be better."

Dean jumped and accidently cut his finger on the razor blade when Cas knocked on the door, startling him out of his dark, self-loathing thoughts. He cursed under his breath and put the razor back where it was, sticking his bloodied finger in his mouth and sucking on it. He didn't say anything for a moment, but Cas sounded so tired and defeated that Dean couldn't help but give in. He curled his hand into a fist to hide the small cut, not wanting Cas to get the wrong idea, and he opened the door and gazed steadily at Cas. "Do you trust me?" He asked, his expression giving nothing away. "_Really_ trust me?"

Castiel looked at Dean worryingly. He wasn't opening to door fully to him and was cutting him off from his body. He was reserved and that made Castiel uncomfortable. "Yes," he said, looking Dean right in the eye. "Yes. Dean. I..I trust you with my life. You know that." He swallowed thickly, feeling vulnerable and exposed with Dean in a dressing gown. He covered his crotch with his hands and sighed. "Please, Dean. Come to bed. It's getting late. I don't want this to be a thing between us. I just want to please you. I'm sorry I didn't get it right but we can try again."

Dean sighed and shook his head, looking down at his feet. "Cas, don't you get it?" He said sadly, "I don't care about myself. All I want is for you to have what you need and be happy. I'm not angry at you and I'm not blaming you for anything." Dean looked up at Castiel with a sad look in his eyes. "I love you so much and I want you to feel completely safe with me. That's the way it should be, right?" He offered Castiel his hand and looked at him hopefully.

Castiel couldn't understand what he'd done to deserve Dean. He was so caring and considerate and patient and Castiel just wanted to cry. He nodded a little, still wondering why Dean's needs couldn't be met too. He looked at Dean's hand and took it tentatively. "I love you too," he said with a small smile. "Yes," he agreed with a nod. "A-And I am safe. With you..it..it just got a little heated and I panicked. I'm sorry." He kissed Dean's knuckles tenderly, watching Dean's expression.

Dean watched with a sad little smile as Castiel took his hand and raised it to his lips to kiss the knuckles gently, and it made Dean's chest ache with sadness and love. Castiel was so complex, with such a dark past and painful, hidden emotions, and Dean sometimes forgot just how fragile he was. Castiel had been broken and put back together so many times and it had both weakened and strengthened him, and Dean knew he was lucky to have him, such a precious soul, and he knew he needed to take very good care of Cas. "Let's go to sleep," Dean murmured, gently stroking the back of Castiel's hand with his thumb and stepping out of the bathroom.

Castiel bit his lip and nodded his head. "O-Ok," he whispered, turning around to walk back into the bedroom. He'd let go of Dean's hand and had slipped back under the covers. He sat up and watched Dean join him. He could still see the lingerie on the floor and made a small whimpering sound. "I'm sorry," he said, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck, resting his arms against Dean's broad shoulders as he kissed him slow and tenderly. "I'll get better. I promise," he murmured, desperately wanting Dean to believe it.

"Shhh," Dean hushed, kissing Castiel's face softly. "Baby, shh. It's alright." Dean closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Castiel's, stroking his back soothingly. "Just go to sleep, Cas. It's alright." Dean began humming Hey Jude softly, the best medicine to help them calm down. He pictured his mother singing it and thought longingly of her, and wondered if she would've liked Cas. Dean wished he could introduce him to her.

Castiel sighed a little, leaning into Dean's touch. "I love you," he said again, kissing Dean's lips as he untied the dressing gowns tie and pushed the garment away and off Dean's shoulders. "I love you." Another few kisses and movements until Dean was lying on the bed with him. "I'm sorry." Another press of his hand to Dean's chest, feeling his heart beat strongly. "You mean the world to me."

Dean's eyes started to tear up a little as Castiel eased him back to lie down on the bed, and he circled his arms around him once they were free of the bathrobe, and the warm touch of Castiel's skin was welcome and familiar and everything they needed. Dean sighed in relief and covered Castiel's hand with his own, keeping it against his chest tenderly as he tilted his head to the side to find Castiel's lips. "Cas," he whispered, his voice full of emotion.

Castiel shushed Dean gently, kissing him to stop him from talking. "I'm here," he whispered, kissing Dean everywhere he could. Slow and deliberate. Over his lip, his nose, his cheeks. "I've got you." He kept Dean close in his arms, turning them over enough so Dean laid on his back with Castiel above him. Castiel reached for his phone and took a photo of Dean, looking so beautiful and exposed. Castiel smiled at the photo and then down at Dean. "You're too beautiful to be mine," he grinned lightly, pressing his fingertips to Dean's cheek.

Dean whimpered quietly and closed his eyes, just overcome with love for Cas and needing to show him how much he cared and loved him. He let Cas kiss him softly, covering him with gentle touches and caresses with his lips, and he laid on his back and looked up at Castiel with wide, bright eyes, lips parted slightly in awe. Just half an hour ago they were in the opposite position, working up to a climax and breathing hard in the dark, and now it was completely different and so beautiful. Cas looked like an angel. "No, I'm not," Dean insisted softly, "You're more than I deserve."

Castiel blushed but it couldn't be seen in the dark. Castiel lowered his head and pressed his forehead against Dean's, putting his phone back on the side. "I love you," he said again because he truly loved Dean that much. He cradled Dean's head, getting him to sit up with him. "W-When this is all over. I-I promise you we'll make love again," he said, looking sincerely into Dean's eyes.

Dean sat up and gazed into Castiel's eyes, only inches away from his own, and nodded. "I'll wait as long as you need and I won't push you." He promised, placing both hands around Castiel's wrists where his hands were cradling Dean's head. He smiled at him lovingly and leaned forward to kiss him gently. "I love you," he murmured.

Castiel felt like crying. Dean didn't argue. Didn't ask why or complain about Castiel not putting out. He understood and even catered for Castiel's needs. He let out a small whimper at the delicacy of Dean's touches and leaned in closer to press himself against Dean, needing his warmth and love like never before. "You're my hero, Dean Winchester," he uttered, letting out a small whimper again as he tried to keep it together.

Dean laid down on the bed again and pulled Cas down with him, keeping him close and pulling the blanket up over them and wrapping his arms around Castiel. Dean guided him to rest his head on his chest, and gently ran his fingers though his hair, being careful not to touch the new piercings. Castiel's words sent a wave of warm pride through him and he blushed, unbelievably lucky to be the one who Castiel called a hero. Cas was tense and clinging to Dean, and his voice sounded like it was on the verge of breaking. "You needed saving, and I'm returning the favor."

That's what broke Castiel. The fact that Dean needed him just as much as he needed Dean. He let out a shaky breath against Dean's chest and pulled the covers up a little further. He closed his eyes and let Dean hold him. Dean wasn't mad. He was still glad to have Castiel in his life and he should remember that. Dean wasn't going anywhere. Not with Castiel by his side. He eventually fell asleep in the warmth of Dean's body, sighing happily and feeling so loved and without shame.

Dean smiled softly and sighed into Castiel's hair, continuing to rub his back soothingly until he fell asleep, breathing steady, warm puffs of air softly against Dean's skin. Dean felt more reassured now, more confident about how Cas was really feeling, and he promised himself to not lose control of his urges ever again, because he hated the scared look in Castiel's eyes. He fell asleep soon after Cas.

Castiel awoke in the morning before his alarm, he reached out for his phone and turned off the alarm before it woke Dean up. He carefully slipped out from under him and stretched his aching muscles. His ear throbbed a little put that was to be expected, he looked in the mirror to check but his ear wasn't red or anything. It looked fine, probably just slept on it funny. He looked back at Dean who was still fast asleep and quickly changed into a shirt and tie. He took Dean's phone off the nightstand once he was dressed and pressed record, angling the camera at himself. "I love you," he said, to the camera, eyes averting to Dean's still sleeping form. "Very much," he added, looking back at the camera and placed his hand over his heart. "I may be an ass at times but I want you to remember that I'd do anything for you, Dean." There was a pause before he gave a tired smile to the camera before turning it off. He saved the video and put the phone back on the nightstand. He kissed Dean's forehead and headed off to work.

Dean slept until 8:00, which meant he was late for school, but he only had history and economics in the morning which were his easiest classes and he could afford to skip them once in a while. He laid in bed for a few more minutes and then sat up tiredly, rubbing his eyes and searching for his phone. He found it and was going to check his messages and missed calls, but the screen was open on a video that he couldn't remember recording, so he hit play and was surprised to see that it was a video Cas had recorded of himself, and a warm, loving feeling spread through his body as he watched it. When the video ended, Dean grinned happily and sent Cas a text message as he started to get out of bed. "You're the best fiancé anyone could ever have and I love you so much, babe. Can't wait to be your husband."

Castiel was at work by the time Dean text him, he smiled softly at the message but didn't have time to reply. He shoved the phone back in his pocket and shuffled the coffees around on his arm until they were balanced again. "Coffee, sir," Castiel beamed, placing a coffee on Mr. Evans' desk before heading back into his own office. He set down his own coffee and took out his phone, placing it on his desk. There was already a stack of paperwork and errants there for him to do and spent the majority of the day going through them, only coming out when Mr Evans needed him to do something urgent. By the time Castiel got home. It was 8:00 and he was exhausted. He'd spent all day working. Something he hadn't done in a while and it'd take some getting used to but he'd get there.

After school, Dean went over to Adam's house to play Xbox and have pizza, and they invited Jonathan over to get to know him a little better, because he seemed like a really nice guy but he was a little shy. Adam thought it would be a good idea to get Jonathan more involved with their friends since he was dating Anna, and they didn't want him to feel excluded. Dean left around 7, though, because he wanted to meet Cas after he got home from work. When he got to the Novak house, Cas still wasn't home and Dean did some homework while he waited. It was about 8:00 when he heard Cas come home, and he looked up with a smile when he walked into the room. "Long day?" He asked sympathetically when he saw how exhausted Cas looked.

Castiel nodded in agreement and yawned softly. "Can't complain. It's only my second day," he said weakly, slumping down onto the couch and could already feel himself falling asleep just lying there. "I got your text," he managed to say, eyes shut. "Was cute. Sorry I couldn't reply. Was kinda busy." He opened his eyes enough to see that Dean was in the middle of doing homework. "Is that my deanie-weenie doing homework? Never thought I'd see the day.." he teased lightly.

Dean rolled his eyes and set aside his notebook. "Shocking, I know." He said sarcastically, putting his studies away and smiling. "That video you recorded was the perfect thing to wake up to, you should do it more often. Or leave adorable notes around or something," he tease gently. "Really made my day. You look like crap, babe. Want me to draw you a bath?" He offered gently. "I'll make you food too."

Castiel let his eyes slip closed again as a smirk curled his lips. "How you spoil me," he drawled affectionately. "I'd love a bath," he said, before adding. "But I think food should come first." He managed to get up without falling back down so he gave himself credit for that. "I also need to go for a run," he added with a frown. Maybe he should start waking up earlier to do that first, he thought. "If I make us something and put it in the oven would you mind watching it while I go running?" he asked.

Dean rose his eyebrows in surprise. "You really want to go running right now? You look like you're gonna fall over any second." Dean walked to the kitchen with Cas and leaned against the counter to watch him in concern. "It's already getting dark outside, too. Are you sure you should?" Cas looked beyond exhausted and he was dragging his feet and there were bags under his tired eyes. Dean couldn't imagine him trying to do physical exercise tonight.

Castiel shrugged. "I guess I could go tomorrow morning," he thought over. "I need to get a routine going. I can't just not exercise. I need to keep my legs in shape. Maybe I should just do something in the house tonight," he sighed, running a hand over his face. "Okay. I'll start dinner. Then do some exercises then you and me can take a bath together. I just need to go check on Jimmy first." God, this really was getting too much. He stumbled up the stairs to find Jimmy playing with one of Castiel's old guitars. He smiled happily and closed the door again, not wanting to disturb him when he was in the zone.

Dean shook his head in disbelief as Cas still insisted on exercising and cooking dinner. He waited until Cas came back down and then faced him in the kitchen. "Cas, you've been at work for over 12 hours. Go sit down in the living room and let me cook something. You work too hard, baby." Dean put his hands on Castiel's shoulders and guided him into the living room and sat him in the couch. "Please just take it easy, you look like you're dead on your feet. What do you want for dinner?"

Castiel wanted to protest as Dean steered him away from the cooker but Dean was right. He'd already done too much. "Anything. There's pizza in the freezer just put that in," he shrugged, not wanting to make a fuss tonight. He sat up on the couch and shrugged out of his jacket and tie, putting them over the arm of the couch and rubbed his hand over his thigh absently. He'd run in the morning, he told himself.

Dean nodded and smiled, patting Castiel's knee lightly. "You just put your feet up and relax. I'll put the pizza in, shouldn't take too long." Dean went into the kitchen and found the frozen pizza to heat up in the oven, and once that was in he poured two glasses of red wine and brought them out to Cas with a sheepish smile. "Doesn't really go with pizza, but you look like you could use a little."

Castiel let his eyes close and he relaxed into the couch, opening his eyes when Dean came back to him with wine. He chuckled, taking a glass. "You're going to turn me into an alcoholic," he murmured, taking a sip. He sighed contently, eyelids fluttering closed. "You're right. I needed that." He let the glass sit between his legs as he leant back into the cushions, picking his glass up occasionally to take a sip of wine.

Dean snorted in amusement. "I'm not encouraging it," he protested, taking a sip of his own wine before setting it down and moving down on the couch so he sat at the other end, and he pulled Castiel's feet onto his lap and took off his shoes and socks. He began gently rubbing Castiel's feet, which looked a little swollen from walking around all day, and there was a small red blister on Castiel's left heel.

Castiel let out a soft groan as Dean began to massage his feet. "Feels good," he murmured in delight, letting his head tip back as he pressed his foot a little into Dean's hand. He fished out his phone and snapped a photo of Dean massaging his foot whilst holding his glass of wine so it was in the photo. He put it on twitter with the caption 'This is my fiancé, Dean. I have him well trained.'

Dean had never given a foot rub before, and he hoped he was doing it right. If Castiel's reaction was anything to go by, he was doing okay so he kept at it, smiling a little and concentrating on the task. Castiel's feet were surprisingly pretty for a dancer and a runner, someone whose feet went through a lot.

Castiel grinned as he looked through his twitter to see Meg and Anna had already responded to his post and a few other kids from school had started following him. Adam had tagged him in a post about delivering pizza to a "very drunk and very naked Cas lmao" he read that out loud and gave Dean a curious look. "When was I naked? Why did you let me order pizza naked?"

Dean laughed and tickled Castiel's feet playfully. "When you came home at like 2 in the morning after your fun night out with the big bosses," he told Cas, "Do you even remember, you made friends with a stripper and had glitter in your hair and earned $200 in a bet? You wanted pizza at 2 in the morning and we ordered it and you went down to get it. But you weren't completely naked, you still had your underwear on, thank god."

Castiel froze for a moment before it all came flooding back to him. "Oh yeah. Chastity. I miss her." He looked thoughtful for a moment before returning to his phone to reply to Adam. He also saw a tweet from Anna and smiled fondly. She seemed to be getting along with Jonathan. It was nice but Castiel couldn't help but feel like he'd moved on and distanced himself from all his friends. So much had happened since then.

"You got her number, right?" Dean wondered. "That's pretty impressive, getting a stripper's number. Are you going to call her?" Dean looked at Cas curiously and continued rubbing his feet, pressing harder to get to the deep tissue the joints which were probably aching and throbbing.

Castiel checked through his phone to make sure he still did and nodded. "Maybe. See if I can get a few more dancing tips off her," he half joked. He moaned a little when Dean rubbed the right bit and his whole foot relaxed, the muscles warm and relaxed. He decided to text Chastity instead. "My moves ain't so killer without the incentive of a rich man's wallet. Got any tips?" He pressed send and snorted. He'd just text a stripper. What had his life become?

Dean grinned when Castiel moaned at the foot massage, and he kept rubbing the same spot. "I don't think dance academies are looking for club dancers, babe," he teased, "But at least you have a backup plan if the dance school thing doesn't work out." Dean smiled softly at Cas and then he heard the oven go off. "Stay here, I'll bring the pizza out here." He said, gently sliding out from under Castiel's feet and going into the kitchen.

Castiel grinned, continuing to tweet and text. "Okay, love," he managed to say before busting into laughter over one of Meg's tweets. Whilst he was back in high school he'd never bothered with Facebook or twitter. Those were for popular kids and for people with friends. Now things were different and Castiel could finally enjoy what the social media had to offer. He moved his feet so he sat upright so Dean could sit down with the food and not have his feet in the way.

Dean gave Castiel a strange look as he laughed at something on his phone and headed into the kitchen to bring pizza in. He put two slices on each plate and then carried them into the living room to sit back down with Cas, and he handed him a plate. "What's so funny?" He asked curiously, taking a bite of his pizza and hissing as he burned his lip on the melted cheese.

Castiel took a plate and put it in his lap, ignoring it for the moment as he let it cool. "Meg," he answered shortly, continuing to type. "She says being under the thumb suits you." He laughed, shooting Dean an innocent smile. "Maybe you should rub my feet more often." He put his phone on the couch between them to pick up a slice of pizza and begin eating.

"Wait, what?" Dean asked, brow furrowing in confusion. He took another bite of pizza and then set his plate aside and picked up Castiel's phone, scrolling through his twitter. He groaned in embarrassment when he saw the picture Cas had posted, of him rubbing Castiel's feet and the wine glass showing in the foreground. Dean tossed the phone back to Cas and gave him an exasperated smile. "Thanks, Cas." He said sarcastically, nudging him playfully with his foot.

Castiel chuckled, taking back his phone and put it in his pocket. "Just a bit of fun darling," he quipped, taking another bit of pizza and hummed satisfactorily. "This is good pizza," he commented, starting on his second slice. "Not too shabby for Costco, huh?" He grinned, quickly finishing his second slice before putting his plate aside. "I'm gonna go draw us a bath," he said, standing up and taking his jacket and tie with him to put away upstairs.

Dean rolled his eyes and blushed slightly; who knew how many followers Cas had on Twitter, it was probably just people from school. "Alright, I'll clean this up and join you in a few minutes," he stuffed the last bit of crust into his mouth and took their plates to the kitchen to wash them, and he was done cleaning up within a few minutes. He went upstairs and heard the bathwater running, and he hesitantly pushed open the bathroom door. "Hey," he greeted carefully, not wanting to surprise Cas and have a repeat of last night.

Castiel smiled a little when Dean entered the bathroom and stopped the water before it overflowed. He'd added bubbles and scented oils to help relax his muscles and make the place smell nice too. "Hey," he said, after what seemed like forever. He unbuttoned his own shirt, undressing quickly and got into the tub, spreading his legs for Dean to sit between. "You are gonna join me, right?" he asked, feeling a little self-conscious after last night.

Dean averted his eyes awkwardly and shrugged, rubbing the back of his head. "Sure. I mean, if you want me to. I can." Dean glanced at Cas apologetically, afraid that Cas wasn't entirely comfortable with him getting in and Dean just felt like an ass. He fiddled absently with the hem of his shirt, rolling and stretching it between his fingers nervously. "Do you want me to?"

Castiel frowned. "Of course I do," he said softly. He felt like he needed to make it up to Dean for last night. Didn't have to be sexual but working his way back up to that on an intimate level was a good place to start. He wanted to get better and this was the way to do that. By keeping Dean close instead of trying to push him away. "Come join me. Please," he said, extending his hand for Dean.

Dean bit his lip and looked at Cas uncertainly for a moment before nodding and slipping his shirt over his head and quickly stepping out of his pants. He stepped carefully into the tub and settled in the space between Castiel's legs, sinking into the hot water and bubbles and slowly leaning into Castiel's chest and relaxing, resting one palm on Castiel's shoulder and burying his face in the other's neck.

Castiel tensed a little before finally relaxing once Dean turned on his side a little and curled up against him. He let his hand trail into the water and come up Dean's back, gently wetting the skin as he rubbed his back, bring his hand back into the water and bringing the water up to trickle down and over Dean's skin. He kissed Dean's forehead tenderly and continued the motion with his hand for a while, enjoying the warmth of Dean pressed against him.

Dean hummed softly and relaxed more as Castiel gently poured water over his skin with a cupped hand. He tilted his head up a little so his nose pushed lightly against the underside of Castiel's jaw, and he kissed the skin there gently. "This okay?" He asked, needing to be reassured that this was definitely something Cas wanted and was comfortable with.

Castiel let his eyes slip shut as Dean kissed him so tenderly. "Yes," he whispered breathlessly. Dean knew just how to push his buttons. Being so gentle and loving with him. He dipped his head down to try and capture Dean's lips, only being able to reach the bridge of his nose from this angle. He kissed him anyway, his lips lingered there for a moment before moving away again so he could rest his head against the back of the tub.

Dean smiled softly and looked up at Cas as he tilted his head back to rest against the edge of the bathtub. "You look really tired," Dean murmured sympathetically, gently tracing the lines of Castiel's collarbones and shoulders with one finger, trailing down the center of his chest and then back up to trace around his neck and jaw. "We should go to bed after this. You need to get a good night's rest."

Castiel hummed in agreement and spent the next ten minutes sitting in the tub, occasionally massaging Dean's back and shoulders with his hands as he held him loosely. After that, he shifted with Dean to get out the bath and quickly dry himself off, running a hand through his hair as he shot Dean a small smile and padded into the bedroom with his clothes, dumping them on the chair and taking out his phone to set his alarm for the morning.

Dean got out with Cas and dried himself off, following him into the bedroom and sliding into bed to wait for Cas. He made sure to leave enough room and laid curled on his side, gazing up at Castiel tiredly with a small smile, his face pressed into the pillow. He pulled the blankets up over his shoulders so only his head was uncovered.

Castiel set his alarm an hour earlier so he could go for a run and slipped under the covers beside Dean. He left a small gap between them so they weren't completely tangled but there feet brushed against each other and their hands sprawled in front of them, touching in some way. Castiel looked at Dean's face and yawned, closing his eyes as he quickly began to fall asleep, muttering "Goodnight, love," as he did so.

Dean smiled tiredly and yawned too. "Sleep well," he murmured, watching as Castiel closed his eyes and began drifting off to sleep. Dean was exhausted as well, and he fell asleep within minutes, thinking of nothing but the softness of the bed under him and the warmth of Castiel's body a few inches away.

Castiel awoke in annoyance to the sound of his alarm. He groaned tiredly and switched it off, slowly shuffling out of bed and trying not to wake Dean. He stretched his back and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he yawned. He was not looking forward to this. A full on run before a full day of work. Fantastic. He rubbed his thighs a little before standing up, looking for his sweatpants.

Dean woke up to an alarm and movement in the bed beside him, and he opened his eyes in confusion to see that it was still pretty dark out and Cas was moving around the room and putting on clothes. "Cas, it's early," he protested groggily, "What are you doing at this ungodly hour?" He looked at the clock and groaned when it only said 5:30. Way too early to be getting out of bed, and Dean rolled into the warm space left by Castiel's body.

"Sorry, love. Go back to sleep," Castiel murmured, pressing a kiss into Dean's hair and moved away again, grabbing his phone and headed out the room silently, padded downstairs and out the house. He ran for a solid 45 minutes. Stopping only once to take a photo of himself, dripping with sweat. Not exactly attractive but it didn't matter. He was smiling and wanted to remember this moment. Feeling so motivated to keep on going with life. Have something to keep running towards. It felt good. He didn't stop smiling until he got back to the house, jumping in the shower quickly before changing for work.


	55. Chapter 55

Dean groaned and collapsed against the pillow, falling asleep again almost instantly. He slept lightly and woke up when he heard the door open some time later, and he saw Cas come upstairs, wearing one of Dean's AC/DC tee shirts, soaked with sweat and clinging to his body. Dean grinned in amusement as Cas headed straight into the shower, still panting from his run, and Dean decided to get up and quickly make breakfast for both of them to have ready when Cas came downstairs.

Castiel spent a long time in the shower, rinsing off the sweat and relaxing his aching muscles. By the time he got out, stretched and was dressed it was 6:45. "Shit," he mumbled under his breath. He ran downstairs to find Dean making breakfast he gave a small sad smile and kissed his cheek. "I've got like five minutes baby before I've got to go," he said apologetically, filling a large glass with water and draining it swiftly.

Dean had just finished the eggs and pushed a plate into Castiel's hands. "Eat this before you leave," he insisted, "You're crazy, Cas. Absolutely crazy." He smiled at him in amusement and handed him a bagged lunch that he'd also prepared. "I feel like I'm your mom or something," he muttered, "Or your wife. Have a nice day at work, honey!" He teased.

Castiel quickly scoffed down his food, putting the plate on the side as well as his bagged lunch so he could move over to Dean. "Definitely my wife," he nodded. "Then I get to do this." He slid his arm around Dean's hips, grabbing his ass and squeezing it as he roughly pressed Dean up against the counter and kissed him hard. He moved away breathlessly, a little shocked by his action but grinned anyway, picking up his lunch as he moved away. "I'll be back tonight. Love you," he called as he made his way out the door.

Dean's yelp of surprise as he was shoved up against the counter was muffled by Castiel's mouth, and the kiss was over before Dean had a chance to react. He stared at Castiel with wide eyes and a faint blush, smiling shyly, and then he shook his head and looked down to hide his giggling. "Love you too," he said back, grinning at Cas as he left, and Dean sat down to enjoy his own breakfast.

Castiel made it to work with a bright smile, feeling good about the day. He'd run. Kissed Dean with confidence he hadn't felt in a while and was full of good food his loving soon-to-be husband made him. Today was good. As was the rest of the day. He'd gotten in early, shifted through most of his paper work by the time Mr Evans finally arrived, which was late morning. Being an executive had its advantages he supposed. He'd brought Mr Evans up to date with all his calls since the morning rush and then attended to various other errands until the afternoon's conference. Needless to say he never had a moment to spare. By the time the work day was over, all Castiel could do was come home and crash on the couch, sighing finally. Just glad it was Friday tomorrow.

After school, Dean went home to do his homework and found Sam and Ruby making something in the kitchen. "After school snack?" He teased, walking around them to get a glass of water. Sam nodded absently as he measured flour and then dumped it into a mixing bowl. "We're making cookies," Ruby explained, looking at Sam fondly. "His idea, not mine." Dean grinned and stole a small handful of chocolate chips. "Save some for me," he reminded them, and headed upstairs to get started on his homework.

Castiel looked up at the clock and saw it was 7:30. He sighed, rubbing his tired face and headed upstairs to go check on Jimmy seeing as Dean wasn't here. He padded upstairs and found Jimmy playing with Amber. He had the brightest smile on his face and he couldn't help but smile widely at him. "Hey," he said softly. Jimmy froze, dropping his hand and looked down at the floor. "H-Hey," he greeted with a small, much timider smile. "You doing okay?" Castiel asked, to which Jimmy nodded. "I-I could do with s-some more chocolate milk," he said, biting his lip. "Okay, buddy. We'll get you some. I've got to go get some groceries anyway. You want to come?" Jimmy nodded in agreement, getting to his feet. "C-Can we get Amber s-s-some treats?" Jimmy asked shyly. Castiel nodded with a soft smile, "Sure." They went to the grocery store together. Castiel enjoying the time together. He took a photo of them together outside the store. He wore a big grin and Jimmy looked hesitant but gave a small smile with wide, innocent eyes. He'd have to get used to getting his photo taken again. Castiel sent the image to Dean in a text. 'Spot the difference. Out for food. You coming over later? xx'

Dean took out his phone and squinted at the picture of Cas and Jimmy. It was easy to tell them apart; Cas was the one with the confident grin and Jimmy looked uncertain, blue eyes wide with a small smile. Dean grinned at the picture of the twins and sent a quick reply. "you're the one on the right, babe. Sam and Ruby are baking cookies and I'm doing homework, i'll be over later to help with dinner and maybe bring some cookies if they'll let me have any. tell jimmy i say hi :)"

Castiel chuckled, when he got Dean's text. He told Jimmy Dean was asking for him and Jimmy smiled timidly. It wasn't until half away around the store that Castiel paused at the confectionary and looked over at Jimmy who was currently counting how many calories where in a bar of chocolate. "Jimmy," Castiel said softly. Jimmy tilted his head enough to indicate he was listening. "You like Dean, right?" Castiel asked, biting his lip. He'd never really asked, not after Jimmy's 'death'. Jimmy seemed to consider things for a moment before nodding. "H-He's nice. He t-takes care of us." Castiel smiled at that, feeling like he could well up a little. Jimmy was okay with Dean. With them being together. The rest of the shop was easy. They paid for their food and headed home on the bus together. Once home. Castiel got an idea. "Why don't you cook with Dean tonight, huh? Help him make us all dinner?" Jimmy looked nervous but nodded. "I-I-I'd like that."

Dean finished up his homework and went back downstairs when the smell of baking cookies lured him out of his room, and he wandered into the kitchen to find several dozen cookies cooling around the kitchen. Sam was eating one and had a smear of chocolate on his upper lip, and Ruby took off the oven mitts and leaned up to lick it off his face, which was actually pretty cute. Dean cleared his throat pointedly and smirked at them, which caused them both to blush. "I'm going over to Cas' house in a little bit, mind if I take a plate of these over?" Sam shrugged and looked around. "Yeah, we've got more than enough. Take some."

Castiel text Dean, telling him he'd cook with Jimmy tonight. He helped Jimmy set up. He'd make spaghetti and meatballs with Dean. Something easy enough but a challenge for Jimmy who insisted on everything being perfect. Castiel smiled once all the utensils where in place and ready to use as well as the ingredients. "I'm gonna go take a shower. Dean will be over soon. Okay, buddy?" Jimmy nodded and Castiel smiled, heading upstairs and watched as Amber scampered down the stairs and ran towards the sound of Jimmy pouring food into her bowl.

Dean sent a quick reply to Cas and headed over a little while later with a plate of cookies, eager for a chance to get to know Jimmy a little better. He let himself into Castiel's house and walked into the kitchen to place the cookies down on the counter, and he saw everything already set up. "Hey, Jimmy," Dean greeted, seeing Castiel's twin standing beside Amber's cat food bowl. "I brought cookies. Chocolate chip," he told him, taking off his jacket and draping it neatly over the back of a chair.

Jimmy swallowed thickly when Dean entered the room and straightened up from where Amber was on the floor. "H-Hello Dean," he said with a small smile, looking at the cookies on the counter. "C-Castiel is in the s-shower. H-He said we could c-cook together. I have everything r-ready." He smiled a little more, as if to try and convince Dean to cook with him.

Dean smiled at Jimmy and nodded. "Sounds good." Jimmy was very shy and Dean was happy that he had the opportunity to spend some more time with him one-on-one. He wasn't great with eye contact or touching but he was trying, and Dean wanted to encourage him. "Think we should start with the meatballs?" Dean said, eying the ground beef and the ingredients for meatballs.

Jimmy nodded a little, washing his hands thoroughly at the sink. He eyed the ingredients and took a bowl, putting the ground beef into it and staring wide eyed at the seasonings. He hesitantly picked two of them up and looked at Dean's chin. "C-Castiel didn't say h-how much to use," he said nervously, biting his lip and looking between the two ingredients in confusion.

Dean washed his hands at the sink and looked at the spices Jimmy was holding. "Uh... is there a recipe somewhere?" He wondered. "It's not going to make such a huge difference in the meatballs, it just depends on how spicy you want them to be. But we can measure them if you want."

Jimmy gave a small nod, putting the spices down and looked for Castiel's recipe book. He'd written him down simple cooking instructions for if he was out of the house and needed to cook something to eat. He handed the card to Dean to read out and looked at the ingredients. He decided to put some water in a pot and put it to boil for the pasta, regarding that as an easier task for him to do.

Dean read the card Jimmy handed to him and nodded to himself. He began measuring out the spices and put them into the bowl with the raw ground beef and then began mixing it up with his hands, kneading the spices into the meat. He made a face. "This feels disgusting," he commented, glancing over at Jimmy. "You ever do this before?"

Jimmy bit his lip, giggling a little when Dean made faces at the meat. He shook his head and poked his finger experimentally into the meat and grimaced. "Feels weird," he mentioned with a small smile on his face, glad to be in on the joke. Even if there wasn't really one to begin with he laughed a little, pulling out a tray for Dean to put the meatballs on to.

Dean grinned at Jimmy and started shaping the meat into balls and placed them on the tray as if they were making cookies. Dean hoped they were doing it right, because he'd never really made meatballs by hand before and didn't know what he was doing so he just trusted his and Jimmy's instincts. Once all the meatballs were on the tray and ready to be cooked, Dean washed the raw meat and grease off his hands. "Hope they turn out good," he commented.

Jimmy had helped Dean make meatballs and tried not to giggle too much at the feel of the meat underneath his hands. He washed his hands with Dean and nodded happily. "T-They will." Castiel had gotten out of the shower and had put on a pair of sweatpants and tank top before padding downstairs and into the kitchen. "Hows my boys?" he asked with a grin, seeing them hard at work. It was nice to see them bonding. They were to be brothers after all.

Dean smiled at Cas as he came back downstairs, wearing a tank top and sweatpants. "Good," he replied, drying his hands off on a towel and then draping it on the edge of the sink. "Have a good shower?" He asked, smiling at Cas and then handing the towel to Jimmy once he was done washing his hands.

"Yeah," Castiel smiled, getting out his phone and taking a photo of Jimmy and Dean standing in the kitchen, cooking. He put it on twitter with the caption, 'me and my kitten making dinner...but who's holding the camera?' He grinned and laughed to himself at that particular joke and set his phone on the side, giving Jimmy a proud smile as he watched him put the meatballs in the over and the pasta in the pot to cook.

Dean grinned at Cas and sat down at the table to wait for the pasta to cook. "So, Jimmy. What have you been up to over the last few days, Cas and me haven't seen much of you." Dean took a sip of water from his glass on the table and pulled out another kitchen chair with his foot for Jimmy to sit down if he wanted to.

Castiel smiled a little, moving to stand beside Dean, pressing soft kisses to his neck as he wrapped his arms around his neck from behind and leant against his shoulder. Jimmy timidly took the offered chair and sat in it as he tapped his fingers against the table in a numerical order. "I-I've been playing guitar," he said quietly, laughing a little as he watched Amber purr around his feet. "A-And Amber."

Dean had almost forgotten that Jimmy played guitar, it was one of the first things Dean had noticed when he'd met Jimmy for the first time in the mental hospital. Looking back on when Jimmy was in the hospital, Dean could see that he was much better in an actual home than stuck in a hospital, medicated, and observed. He had more freedom here and he wasn't as misunderstood, and he was with his brother, the person who cared about him the most. And he had Amber, too. Dean leaned back against Castiel and put one arm up to cradle the back of his head, but didn't take his eyes off Jimmy as he spoke. "You and Cas should play together sometime," he suggested.

Jimmy let out a small giggle and blushed, shaking his head vigorously. "I-I-I'm not good enough," he said shyly, giving his brother a timid look. Castiel smiled, leaning into Dean. "Well if you ever want to. I'd be more than happy to play with you Jimmy," Castiel encouraged to which he got a small smile in return. Jimmy picked up Amber and placed her carefully in his lap, stroking her tentatively.

"I think you're good," Dean insisted, "I heard you before, when I first met you. Remember? You were playing in the hospital. I think the two of you could be really awesome playing together." Dean looked up at Cas. "Seriously, you guys should try it. And I can sing and we'll form a band." He smiled over at Jimmy and then the stove alarm went off, signaling that the pasta was done cooking. Dean stood up and drained off the water before putting it in a bowl and setting it on the table.

Jimmy didn't say anything but smiled a little and helped get the meatballs out of the oven when the alarm went off. He set them aside in a bowl and mixed them with pre-made sauce. He put them on the table along side the pasta and smile happily at their creation. Castiel had taken some coke out of the fridge and poured them all a glass and set them on the table along with some plates. "Looks good guys," Castiel praised, sitting down at the table.

Dean smiled and sat down with Cas and Jimmy, passing out forks and napkins to them. "Smells good," Dean commented, his stomach rumbling as he looked at the food eagerly. He waited for Cas and Jimmy to serve themselves before he took the bowl and served himself, and he took a large helping of meatballs and pasta and began eating. "Mmm," he moaned in delight as he bit into a meatball, steaming hot and nearly burning his tongue. Luckily, it was cooked to perfection and he turned to Jimmy. "Amazing," he said, gesturing towards the meatball with his fork. "We need to make these more often."

Jimmy nibbled at his food, shyly trying something that wasn't on the menu at the hospital for the past five years. He nodded in agreement but didn't say anything. Castiel praised Jimmy too, smiling brightly at him. "Yeah, good job buddy. These are delicious." He gave Dean a smile too and continued eating in silence.

The rest of the meal went smoothly, all three of them eating hungrily in comfortable silence, and when they were done Dean stood up to collect their dishes and start washing them. "What do you guys want to do tonight?" He asked as he scraped the leftover pasta off their plates and into the garbage. He kind of felt like a housewife cleaning up after the family, but it didn't really bother him; he did it automatically. After all, he had spent most of his childhood taking care of Sam's needs.

Castiel came into the kitchen with Dean after Jimmy had scampered off into the living room to play with Amber. He helped Dean dry and put the dishes away and kissed his cheek when it was all done. "Thanks for dinner," he said. "But I'm gonna hit the hay. Gotta be up earlier again tomorrow." He went upstairs and sighed, deciding to just go to bed in his boxers and tank top.

Dean nodded in understanding and kissed Castiel's cheek in return, wiping splashed soapy water off the counter. "Okay. I think I'm gonna stay up a little later." It was still pretty early, and Dean wasn't tired yet but he felt restless and he didn't know what to do. "Hey, Cas," he called up the stairs a moment later, "Can I borrow your guitar?"

Castiel was too tired to respond but managed a weary "Come get it." He closed his eyes and finally fell asleep, too tired to bother with anything else. Jimmy was downstairs and giggled at the way Amber wriggled her nose when a feather landed there.

Dean went up the stairs and quietly entered Castiel's room. He found the guitar in the corner of the room and picked it up carefully. Cas was lying in bed and his eyes were closed as if he were already asleep, and Dean crept closer and gently kissed his forehead and stroked his hair before leaving the room and closing the door. He brought the guitar back downstairs and sat on the couch beside Jimmy, picking out chords and melodies absently.

Jimmy watched as Dean sat beside him on the couch and plucked at the guitar strings absently. "Y-You're out of tune," he stuttered quietly, placing his hands carefully on the guitar and turned the metal knobs slowly as Dean played until it sounded in tune. He gave a small smile and ducked his head back down to focus on Amber before Dean could see his face.

Dean had noticed the guitar was a little out of tune but it wasn't awful and he didn't bother fixing it, but he was surprised and impressed when Jimmy noticed it and tuned it up by ear as he was playing. Dean watched as Jimmy turned the guitar and then looked back down at the cat in his lap. Sure enough, the guitar sounded much better and Dean rose his eyebrows, impressed. "That was really good," he complimented, "I always have to use a tuner to get it right."

Jimmy smiled a little. "W-We d-d-didn't have one in the hospital," he said quietly. "I-I-I had to get used to tuning by ear." He bit his lip and stroked Amber almost tenderly. "H-H-Hey," he murmured, watching as Amber continued to curling up to him for attention. "I-I-I think she's p-p-pregnant," Jimmy said softly, curling his hand to tickle under her chin.

Dean noticed Jimmy was stuttering a lot, but he didn't pay any attention to it because it couldn't be helped and was probably just a nervous habit. He looked at Amber curiously and leaned forward a little to see if she looked any bigger. "How can you tell?" He asked softly, stroking her side carefully. He wasn't an expert on cat anatomy, obviously, and he had no idea how Jimmy could tell she was pregnant.

"The w-w-way she walks has changed. S-S-She's eating more and likes to c-curl up on my lap instead of the floor because it's comfy," he answered quietly. He stroked her back gently, her purring lowering as her eyes closed in contentment. "H-Her belly l-looks a little bigger but only by a few centimetres." Jimmy could only tell because he'd been paying close attention to her for the last week.

Dean looked at Amber thoughtfully and stroked her, feeling her stomach gently with the palm of his hand. He didn't feel any difference, but he wasn't as observant as Jimmy. "Do you have any idea how long she's been pregnant for, or when the kittens will be born?" He wondered.

Jimmy shook his head lightly. "I don't know. We'd need to see a vet." He bit his lip and stroked her back, avoiding Dean's hand as he didn't want to accidentally brush his hand. He took a deep breath and moved his hand away all together. "W-Would Castiel be mad?" he asked hesitantly. "A-About vet bills?" He didn't want Amber to suffer because they couldn't afford to treat her if she was pregnant.

Dean removed his hand from Amber and went back to strumming the guitar lightly. "No, he loves that cat like she's his baby. He won't mind some vet bills. And he was thinking about selling the kittens if she did get pregnant. I wonder who the father is." Dean gazed at the cat with a curious expression, watching the way she purred and snuggled her head against Jimmy's hand, eyes closing in contentment.

Jimmy bit his lip, eyes almost watering like a little kid who'd just heard Santa isn't real. "Y-You c-c-can't sell them. Y-You'll break h-h-her heart," Jimmy whimpered, clutching Amber a little more protectively. Amber didn't seem to mind, enjoying the warmth and love Jimmy gave her. Amber mewed softly, licking the back of his hand as if noticing his distress.

Dean stopped playing the guitar and looked at Jimmy carefully. "That's what people usually do when their cats have kittens," he told Jimmy, "It's not a bad thing. We'll wait until they get to be old enough and then we can help them find new homes and I'm sure we can keep one or two. There's no way the three of us will be able to take care of five or more cats. Two or three is more manageable."

Jimmy sniffed a little, clutching hold of Amber tightly. "W-We can't," he whimpered into her fur. "S-She's s-s-so alone. S-S-She has no one else s-s-she needs them." Amber mewed softly, trying to get Jimmy's attention. Her tongue licked against his cheek gently, causing him to flinch but he didn't push her away. "I-I-I can't let you s-split up her family." _Not like mine did with me. _

Dean bit his lip uncertainly, wondering what he should do. Amber seemed to be trying her best to comfort Jimmy, and Dean sighed quietly. "Hey, it's all right," he said softly, "Jimmy, Amber's okay. She has us. She's been the only cat in the family since she was adopted by you guys, and she's been fine ever since. We all love her so much and she knows it, you and Cas are her family and always have been." Dean hoped what he was saying was helpful and reassuring.

Jimmy sobbed a little into Amber's fur, shaking his head. "I-I-I'm sorry," he whispered. "I-I just c-c-can't let this happen to her." He stood up, not looking at Dean and took Amber up to his room, to keep her safe and watch over her, afraid Dean or Castiel might take her away and he'd never get to see her again. He made sure his door was shut and curled up with Amber on the bed, making sure to keep her warm and safe.

Dean watched as Jimmy started crying and carried Amber upstairs, and Dean was left alone in the living room. He sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly, wondering what to do. He felt bad leaving Jimmy upset like that and wanted to reassure him, but it looked like Jimmy wanted to be left alone. After a few more minutes, Dean stood up and walked quietly up the stairs to Jimmy's room and knocked softly on the door. "Jimmy?" He whispered, "Can I come in?"

Jimmy was still crying, trembling slightly as he kept his face buried in Amber's fur. Amber purred soothingly, licking Jimmy's hair as if he were her young. Trying to clean him. "Go a-a-away," he managed to whimper, unsure if Dean could hear it through the woodwork. He didn't care. He just wanted Dean to leave. He wanted to keep Amber and her possible kittens safe.

Dean put his ear against the door and he could faintly hear Jimmy crying and sniffling in the room, and there was no way Dean could just walk away and leave him like that. "Jimmy, please," Dean asked softly, "I'm sorry. Nothing's going to happen to Amber, she's safe and her kittens will be too. I just... come on. Please let me in?" '

Jimmy paused when Dean spoke about Amber's kittens. He carefully hid Amber under the bed and went over to the door, opening it a crack to see Dean stood there. "Y-You promise?" he asked quietly, biting his lip. His eyes were red and raw from crying and he was sniffling a lot, drying his tears with the end of his sleeve. He looked like a lost kid, despite being the same age as Castiel.

Dean sighed in relief when he heard Jimmy approaching the closed bedroom door, but his heart broke when he saw how upset Jimmy was. Seeing Jimmy like this made Dean think of him and Castiel on that first night in the cabin, when Cas had been so upset and just let Dean comfort him until he had no more tears to cry. He knew that things weren't the same with Jimmy and he couldn't comfort him in the same way as he had Cas, but he didn't know what else to do. "Yeah," he said gently, extending his hand palm up to Jimmy, giving him the option of taking it or backing away from it. "Are you okay?"

Jimmy looked cautiously at the extended hand and bit his lip, letting his thumb brush over Dean's palm cautiously before curling the rest of his hand around Dean's to carefully squeeze. It was only a few seconds but the gesture was a huge step for Jimmy. He nodded carefully. He wasn't crying as much anymore and he could feel Amber walking around his feet, trying to see what was wrong. He picked her up carefully and looked at Dean's chest instead of his face. "I-I just want her to be safe," he whispered, nudging his nose against her fur.

Dean held still as Jimmy carefully touched his palm and curled his fingers around his hand, and he breathed a sigh of relief. He felt a little better about Jimmy now and he smiled at him reassuringly. "She'll be safe," Dean told him, "She's got you looking out for her." It was actually pretty sweet how attached Jimmy had gotten to Amber, and she really seemed to like him a lot, too. "Are you going to bed now? Because if you are I think I'll just head back to my house. I don't wanna wake Cas up."

Jimmy nodded, looking down at Amber. I'll keep her safe, he thought confidently. "Y-Yes. G-G-Goodnight, Dean," he said, managing a small smile before closing his door softly and headed to bed, curling up with Amber by his side. "I-I'll keep you safe," he said to her. Amber's eyes the only he's ever truly met for so long. Perhaps it's because animals were different. That people scared him. He wasn't sure but looking into her eyes, he felt safe. Like for once someone wasn't seeing the special needs kid. They saw Jimmy. The one who gave them nothing but love and friendship. Even if it was in his own special way. "I'll keep you all safe."

Dean nodded and backed away as the door closed, and he quietly went back downstairs and grabbed his jacket. He went out to his car and drove home, and arrived at about 10:30. Sam was already in bed and John was out somewhere, so Dean just headed straight to bed, feeling oddly empty and somewhat lonely in his quiet, dark house.

Castiel awoke in the morning, confused. The bed was empty and lacking in protests to the fact it was 5:30 in the morning. Dean hadn't stayed? He felt somewhat upset by that. He knew he hadn't exactly stayed up to entertain him but he'd been exhausted. He ran for an hour, working off the negative energy that the day had brought...that Dean had brought. He showered, skipped breakfast and went to work. Deciding to get a bagel with his morning coffee as well as Mr Evans'.

Dean was so glad it was Friday. It had been a pretty rough week and he was eager for it to be over. After school, he took Sam out for ice cream to reward himself for making it through the week, and Dean was glad to spend a little time with Sam one-on-one. They hadn't hung out just the two of them in a long time and it was nice to just spend time with his brother.

Castiel worked up until 6:30, ready to finish the day with an empty in-tray ready to start a fresh on Monday morning. He was ready to go home when ' stopped him. "A few of us are going on a..company outing. Would you like to join us?" Castiel shrugged, seeing a few familiar faces standing behind Mr. Evans and waving excitedly. He hadn't really had a chance to meet everyone on their team yet. It'd be nice to put names to faces. "Sure. I'll just text Dean," he said, fishing out his phone but Mr. Evans stopped him. "Cas, it's a friday night. Live a little. You can't always be checking in at home like some under-the-thumb housewife," he chuckled, pushing Castiel towards the door with everyone else. Castiel wanted to argue but thought it'd be better not to so just followed along, putting his phone back in his pocket.

"I'm taking Ruby out for dinner tonight," Sam told Dean as he finished off his chocolate ice cream, "And we're going with a group. Do you and Cas wanna come?" Dean checked the time on his phone, and saw that it was almost 4:00 already. "What time were you planning on going?" He asked. "Cas doesn't get off around five usually and since it's a friday he probably shouldn't have to stay late." Sam shrugged and tossed his empty cup in the trash nearby. "We were thinking of going at about 7:30, and then we wanted to go to that new karaoke place downtown. It looks like fun." Dean sent a quick text to Cas telling him the idea and asking if he wanted to go. "Yeah, that sounds good. I really think Cas could use a bit of fun tonight. He's had a really exhausting week."

Castiel found himself in this new restaurant in the city. It had a band playing music in the corner for people to dance to by the bar it was also quiet enough for people to eat and enjoy their meals. Castiel was sat between a blond guy, mid twenties called Chris and a chatty redhead in her early thirties who was either called clara or new someone by that name. It was hard to tell. She was talking a mile a minute it was hard to tell whose names linked with who was at the table when she introduced everyone but she seemed friendly enough and was obviously the office gossip. Castiel took a photo of them all together, putting it up on his twitter. "New experiences, new friends help us to grow." Apparently Castiel was in a pretentious mood tonight. He hit post on twitter and pocketed his phone again, laughing and chatting freely as he ate with his new colleagues.

After they both finished their ice cream, Cas still hadn't texted Dean back and the brothers left. Sam wanted to be dropped off at his friend Andy's house, and Dean just decided to go to his own house and wait for Cas to get his message. He watched TV and texted Anna casually as he waited, but when it was 6:00 and Cas still hadn't texted him back, Dean was getting a little frustrated. He sent another text, just something to hopefully set Castiel's phone on vibrate so he'd notice it and read the other message. "hello?" is all it said.

Castiel hadn't noticed Dean's texts. His phone had been confiscated by Mr. Evans when he caught him trying to text Dean. "Uh ah, no contact with home." Castiel bit his lip, trying to grab for his phone. "But-" Mr Evans held his hand out and put the phone in his jacket pocket. "That's an order." Castiel bit his lip, nodding. He really wanted this job. He didn't want to upset his boss. "Good," Mr Evans smiled. "Now. How about you show the rest of our gang just how good you are when it comes to dancing!" There were whoops all around and Castiel found himself slowly forgetting about Dean and just enjoying his night.

By 7:00, Dean still hadn't gotten a reply from Cas and he sighed in frustration and called Sam. "Cas hasn't gotten home yet and he hasn't answered me so I guess we're not going." He was kind of pissed off that Cas hadn't even checked his phone or replied. "That's weird," Sam muttered with a sigh. "Well, you can still come if you want." Dean rubbed his hand over his face in frustration and annoyance. "No, I don't wanna third wheel you guys. Go have fun, Sammy. Don't worry, I'll find something to do." After their call ended, Dean sat on the couch thinking about his life. It had gotten to a point where he was so devoted to Castiel that he barely spent time with any of his other friends anymore, and he thought with determination that that needed to change. He picked up his phone again and sent another text to Cas which would probably go unread. "nevermind". He then decided to see what Anna was up to, hoping she'd be able to hang out. He called her up on the phone. "Hey, you busy tonight?" He asked as soon as she picked up the phone. "Cas bailed on me and I wonder if you want to go out for dinner or something."

Castiel wasn't sure how it happened but he found himself having a dance contest with a girl named Ellen. She was actually pretty good and definitely a good match for him in terms of skill. Everyone cheered as they bowed in respect once the song came to an end and Castiel couldn't help but lean against her laughing a little. "Well played, sir," she quipped with a little grin. "My lady, t'was a pleasure," he replied with an English purr similar to Crowley's which she found amusing. As did the others. Crowley, however, took it personally and made Castiel sing in the karaoke bar they resigned to as punishment.

Anna was surprised to get a call from Dean. They'd been texting a little all afternoon, but it had been a while since he'd wanted to actually hang out with her. She was quiet for a moment when she picked up the phone, biting her lip and trying to think of what to do. Finally, she said, "Uh... I don't think so." There was a silence on Dean's line of the phone before he asked, "Huh? Why not, we haven't done anything in ages." Anna chewed on her thumbnail. "That's kind of the point, Dean." She said quietly, not wanting to get into an argument with him, but she felt like she was being used. "I feel like you're only asking me because Cas is busy. You always want to do things with him and I'm the second choice. Everyone's the second choice, Dean. I just think you need to make more of an effort to maintain your friendships." Anna felt a little bad about rejecting Dean like this, but she needed to stand up for herself and tell Dean how she was feeling. "So, you don't wanna do anything tonight?" He asked, his voice sounding flat. Anna sighed and shook her head. "Not tonight, Dean. Maybe another time."

Castiel didn't mind singing. It was actually kinda fun. He'd never sung without Dean before. It was weird but he somehow felt more confident for it. "Those su-uh-mm-ahh ni-highhttsss!" He and Clara had sung summer nights to everyone's amusements. The bar applauded, some more grateful than other's the song was over but it was a karaoke bar. What did they expect? It was 12:03 when Castiel was finally allowed his phone back and found about half a dozen missed messages from Dean. "I should probably go," he said to which Clara and Ellen sighed and gave him puppy eyes. "I'm sorry. Dean'll be worrying. It was nice to meet you all." He agreed to go out again with them on Saturday. Clara was hosting a party and they'd all been invited. Castiel figured he should see them again and try to build up some stronger friendships. "Don't forget that singing voice of yours," Clara had said as Castiel went to leave. "I won't forget, my lady. Goodnight." He stepped out of the bar and out into the cold night, walking back to his bike, he sent Dean a text, asking him to come over. That'd he'd bring pizza and they could spend the night together.

After the awkward phone conversation, Dean was left disappointed and alone. Anna was right, he needed to spend more time with other people because he was abandoning his other friends. He was still pissed off that Cas never texted him back, and he fell asleep curled up on his bed listening to music, his cell phone ignored and forgotten on the floor in the center of his room. He'd turned it off, not wanting to deal with any people right now, and spent his lonely Friday night alone and unhappy.

When Castiel got home, Dean wasn't there. He was upset but it was late and he could understand if he'd fallen asleep. He'd see him tomorrow. So instead, he ate pizza with Jimmy. He got told about the news of Amber and assured Jimmy he'd look after her and they'd take her to the vets tomorrow to make sure she was pregnant. Castiel went to bed alone again, feeling a little more confident about his job and social life. All he needed now was Dean to come home to. He fell into a restless sleep, thinking of Dean.

Dean slept restlessly throughout the night, and eventually he just gave up trying to stay asleep and went on the computer. He browsed the internet absently, listening to hard rock music loud with his headphones, and he decided to try and find Cas on Twitter. Dean didn't have a Twitter account, he thought it was pointless and stupid, but he was a little curious about it since Cas was always tweeting lately. He found Castiel's Twitter account and frowned in confusion, almost not recognizing him. He had a ton of followers, lots of people that Dean didn't know, and he'd posted pictures from some party he was at, which he'd neglected to tell Dean about. So that's where he was, why was he keeping it a secret? Dean was pretty annoyed and hurt by that.

Castiel awoke at 5:30 without his alarm, he groaned wondering why he couldn't sleep on a Saturday. He sighed, rolling out of bed and decided to go for a run. He spent a good hour and a half running, stretching his limbs and took a photo of himself outside his house with a grin on his face. "Nothing beats a 5K run. Feel the burn!" He posted it to twitter and then headed into the house and up the stairs for a nice relaxing shower. He still hadn't heard from Dean by the time he got out the shower and had had breakfast with Jimmy by 8:00, he decided to phone him. He put the phone to his ear and listened to it ring out.

Dean didn't like this, he felt like Cas was keeping secrets from him. He hadn't even bothered introducing him to his new coworkers, which seemed like something that most people would try to do once they started getting friendly with their coworkers. Was he keeping Dean a secret? Was he embarrassed to have a boyfriend who was still in high school, or maybe he was just embarrassed to have a boyfriend period. He knew that Castiel was insecure, and maybe he didn't want anyone at his new fancy office job to know he was gay. Dean hated the thought of Cas being ashamed of him. Maybe Cas was grown up, and Dean was still in high school. Dean couldn't sleep after thinking that. His mind was going out of control, but he was reluctant to ask Cas about it. Restless and unhappy, he decided to just go on a run at four in the morning, when it was still dark outside. He ran for a long time, making his way through dark trails in the woods on the edges of the neighborhood. He ran until he was numb, both physically and mentally, and it was pleasant. He wasn't worried anymore.

Dean didn't answer his phone and that worried Castiel. "Not again," he sighed tightly. What if he'd run off again? It'd been one night...right? Thinking back on it he hadn't exactly been the most supportive boyfriend the last week. "Oh," he said softly, biting his lip. And the penny dropped. "Oh Dean." He rubbed the back of his head and told Jimmy he'd be back later. He walked to Dean's and knocked on the door, just hoping Dean wasn't completely pissed off with him.

When Dean couldn't run anymore, he walked, picking his way out of the woods on shaky, burning legs. He hadn't gone too far from town, and it took him about an hour to walk back to his house. The sun was rising and he checked his watch when he turned onto his street, and it was already 8:15. He groaned quietly to himself and couldn't believe he'd been out wandering around for four hours, and he never wanted to move again. But he stopped in the driveway when he saw Cas knocking on the door of his house, and he hesitated. After a moment he cleared his throat and came up behind Cas to unlock the door and let himself in, wincing as he did so. "Hi," he greeted, not meeting Castiel's eyes.

Castiel almost jumped when someone came up behind him but found it was Dean and took a sigh in relief only to tense back up when the other wouldn't look at him. "Hey," he said, unsure how to approach Dean. "You okay? I tried phoning but you wouldn't answer." He knew it was the wrong thing to say. He sounded like such a hypocrite but tried to make things right. "Look I'm sorry about yesterday, my boss surprised me. He stole my phone. Made me go on this company outing...to socialize and meet everyone."

Dean sniffed dismissively and headed up the stairs, still not meeting Castiel's eyes. He thought he'd be able to deal with this in a more mature way but he was feeling very insecure. What if the office workers didn't approve of Dean, or they thought he was an idiot and unworthy of Castiel? "I'm taking a shower," he announced flatly, not even bothering to turn around to glance at Cas when he walked away. He suddenly felt like crying. He'd given everything for Castiel and to feel excluded and rejected like this hurt. Dean knew that it was good for Cas to go out and socialize with the rest of the company, but he just felt inferior and pointless, as if he were only an accessory in Castiel's life, while Cas was moving on to bigger and better things.

"Dean," Castiel said, frowning and feel incredibly hurt. He hesitantly walked into the house, closing the door behind him. He did so quietly, unsure who else was in the house as he followed Dean up the stairs and caught him in the hallway by the shoulder, gently turning him around. "Hey. Come on, love. What's wrong?" he asked quietly. He knew he'd been acting like a grade a jerk but he wanted Dean to be able to tell him. They needed to talk about this. "Talk to me," he said softly, stroking his thumb against Dean's arm where it laid lightly.

Dean finally met Castiel's eyes and stared at him blankly, "Cas, I want to take a shower," he repeated, "Whatever you want to talk about can wait until I'm done." He pulled away from Castiel's hand and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind him and starting the shower. He peeled off his sweaty clothing and stood under the shower, almost unbearably hot and filling the room with steam. He took much longer than necessary, partly because he just didn't want to face Castiel and partly because he was annoyed and wanted to get back at him a little bit.

Castiel wanted to protest but decided to give Dean his space. He went to Dean's room and sat on his bed, looking over his stuff. He smiled a little at the photo of him and Dean that was sat on the side. It only made him sadder. They looked so happy. A long way from what they seemed right now. He sighed, running a hand through his hair and began to sing Perfect softly to himself.

Eventually the water started to get cooler and Dean decided to just get out of the shower and go face his problems, feeling like a dumbass. He toweled himself dry and wrapped the towel around his waist, going into his bedroom. Cas was sitting on the bed waiting for him, and Dean spared him a glance as he quickly got dressed in old jeans and an AC/DC tee shirt. He'd let Cas start the conversation, because he definitely owed Dean an apology and Dean wasn't going to swallow his pride and beg for forgiveness.

Castiel stopped singing when Dean came in the room and straightened a little. He watched Dean carefully but the other wouldn't give him a second glance. He bit his lip, looking sorry for himself. "Sweetheart, I..I'm sorry. I've been acting..well, like a dick. I expect you to be there for me at all hours and it's not fair. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to worry you last night."

Once he was dressed Dean sat down heavily in his desk chair, his entire body aching. He just wanted to get in bed and never get up, but that would mean getting closer to Cas, who was sitting on the bed. He sighed and rubbed both hands through his hair, spraying a little water as he did so. "I found your Twitter account last night. You've been posting pictures of me without me knowing it, and you have a ton of followers and I don't even know who most of them are."

Castiel blinked in surprise. That he hadn't been expecting. "I..I thought you knew. I post photos of us all the time." Was this what Dean was really mad about? Some stupid site? "Dean..I don't even know half those people. They're just followers." He paused, biting his lip. He'd been expecting Dean to be mad about last night. Not..this. "So you don't want me to post photos of you. I'll stop. I just..I thought you'd be okay with me showing you off."

Dean huffed in frustration. "It's not just that, Cas. I feel like you have this whole other side of you that I don't even know. The pictures of me are one thing, but all this stuff about you hanging out at clubs with the other employees and out having fun, it's like you're a different person out there. I'm not saying you're not allowed to have fun without me, that's ridiculous. I'm just... I feel kind of unimportant. You've got a big job now, in a big fancy office building working for rich people, and I'm still in high school working at a garage four times a week."

Castiel's heart stopped. Just for a moment but he's sure it did. Just for a second. He rose slowly from the bed, going over to Dean and gently guiding him to sit on the bed. He knelt down on the floor in front of him, holding his hands tightly. "Dean. You are the most important thing in my life," he said firmly. "I know I've been taking you for granted at the moment, trying to set a schedule for work but this.." he held up his ringed finger for Dean to see. "This means more to me than that job ever will. I just need to find a routine that works..for both of us. That's all."

Dean looked up, suddenly close to tears. He felt like a total jerk, but he was still angry about what had happened. Cas was on his knees in front of him, looking up at him with wide, emotional eyes, and Dean looked back. He saw only honesty there, and love. "I'm sorry," he whispered, not trusting his voice to speak without breaking. "I'm a selfish dick and I know I can't have all of you, it's just not possible. I'm sorry."

Castiel shook his head. "Sweetheart," he murmured sadly, squeezing his hand a little in the hopes to keep him together. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I get it. You feel out of place right now. I understand and I'm sorry you feel this way I'm just trying to get things together at work and juggle things with you and Jimmy and the trial...it's just a little hectic right now." He took both of Dean's hands and squeezed them again "But don't you ever think you're not important to me. You are and always will be my top priority." He kissed Dean's hand and smiled softly. "Now, would you please come with me and Jimmy to the vets? Amber might be pregnant and I can't take Jimmy and Amber into town on my bike."

Dean nodded and blinked back the tears before they could fall, and he let out a deep breath. He still couldn't speak, his throat felt tight, but he squeezed Castiel's hands back and gave him a small smile, standing up and feeling better about everything. He knew that Castiel's new job was a lot to adjust to and it would take longer go form a routine that would work for both of them and create a healthier balance between work and home, but things would probably get easier after graduation, and Castiel's audition. "Yeah, Jimmy told me," he said. "He got kind of upset about us maybe selling the kittens, though.

Castiel bit his lip, had he really been spending so much time away that Dean had to talk to Jimmy? "We'll just get through the pregnancy first," Castiel sighed softly. He took Dean's hands and hauled them both to their feet. He kissed Dean briefly, hoping everything would be okay between them now. "I...I've got this party tonight with some girls from work..but I'm going to cancel I think. Spend the night with you," he said with a soft smiled, tracing Dean's lips, hoping for a smile to form there.

Dean hesitated a little and looked at Cas uncertainly when he said he wanted to cancel. "You sure?" He said quietly, "You already made plans with them and if it's for your job..." Dean shrugged helplessly, not wanting to force Cas to do anything. How was it that after Cas had just ditched him, Dean was feeling bad for him and taking the blame for things? It wasn't right, but Dean didn't want to be angry. "I don't want you to give up going to a party just because of me."

Castiel sighed a shook his head. "Don't," he begged, pressing his hand to Dean's cheek, cupping it gently. "Don't do that. I want to be with you Dean. You're my top priority, remember? If you're feeling alone. I'm going to make you feel wanted. I don't care about parties. I care more about you, alright?" He pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Dean's mouth and sighed. "I'll call Clara, tell her my Dean needs me more right now and I'll see her Monday."

Dean smiled softly, blushing at Castiel's promise. He looked at him shyly and then planted a gentle kiss on Castiel's lips. "Thank you, Cas." he murmured, "It really means a lot to me." To be honest, Dean had been feeling kind of unwanted ever since Castiel's return, but he hadn't paid much attention to it. It wasn't Castiel's fault, after all, it was just that Cas wasn't comfortable being intimate , not that he didn't want Dean anymore. He'd tried not to take it personally but recently it had been getting to him a little more and making him question himself.

Castiel watched Dean blush. It was sweet and endearing and made Castiel smile a little. He brushed his hand over Dean's flushed cheek and chuckled lightly. He pressed a timid kiss back against Dean's lips. "Don't thank me, kitten," he whispered. "It should be like this anyway." He felt bad for having made Dean feel like this. He took his phone out and took a photo of him and Dean together. He put it on twitter with the caption. "This is my Dean. My fiancé. My kitten. I may make fun of him but don't get the wrong idea. I love him. I'd be lost without him." He gave the phone to Dean and showed him the post. "You can decide what I post from now on," he said, trying to make amends.

Dean smiled shyly at the phone as Cas took a picture and then showed him the caption. His heart melted when he read it and he leaned into Castiel's shoulder, kissing his neck gently. "I love you," he said, feeling better and worse at the same time. He hugged Castiel timidly and buried his face in his neck. "I feel like an idiot," he admitted, "I shouldn't have been so selfish and possessive over you. I was crushing you when you needed space."

Castiel smiled softly, pressing post on his twitter before pocketing his phone. "No, I'm sorry. I should have asked," he said softly. "I just do it because I love you. The way you rub my feet after work. The way you make me lunch for work. They way you look so beautiful with that soft smile when you think I'm not looking. The world should be jealous of me for having you, Dean. I just wanted to share with anyone who'd listen, show them how much I love you." He paused, pressing a soft kiss to Dean's temple. "If you want, I'll shut my twitter down. It's your decision."

Dean blushed deeper and shook his head, looking away. "No Cas... I'm not as amazing as you think I am, other people probably just think I'm some average guy, which I am. It's flattering and I don't know how to react to it. Sorry about this," He sighed and looked at Cas helplessly, smiling tightly. "It's alright, keep your twitter account. Just don't make an image for me that I can't live up to."

Castiel shook his head. "Sweetheart, I only post the truth," he said seriously. He pressed a kiss to Dean's cheek and nuzzled at his hair. "Besides, my followers have been asking about you. They think you're the sweetest, most loving fiancé and I should be lucky to have you." He chuckled a little, kissing Dean's temple. "Right on all accounts. You don't have to live up to any image, kitten. It's all you."

Dean looked into Castiel's eyes deeply, tingling with emotion. "They've never even met me," he protested, mildly embarrassed and a lot flattered and humbled. "Babe, you're making me look better than I am, I'm afraid it'll be a letdown if any of those Twitter people meet me in person for any reason." He kissed Castiel's cheek and tangled a hand into his hair, gently turning his head to the side to look at the new piercings and press a gentle kiss to Castiel's ear.

Castiel hummed. "Seriously, love." He pressed his hands to Dean's cheeks and moved his head so they met eye to eye. "You will _never _be a letdown to me," he said firmly, pressing a tender kiss to Dean's forehead. "What I write about is all you. I never make things up, Dean." He kissed Dean's cheek, trailing his lips over Dean's face with small admirable kisses. "It's all you," he whispered into Dean's hair.

Dean sighed and gave in, smiling at Castiel's gentle kisses and letting his eyes flutter closed. He knew Cas was being honest and he knew how much he loved him, and Dean nodded and accepted it. He wrapped his arms around Castiel's middle and leaned into him, shivering pleasantly at the words whispered into his hair. "I'm sorry for freaking out on you," he breathed.

Castiel wrapped his arms protectively around Dean. "Shh, love. It's okay. I understand," he whispered, rubbing Dean's back almost out of habit. "If you ever feel this way again, please, come talk to me. Don't suffer in silence. Okay? I'm hear to for you." He let his hold on Dean loosen a bit so he could pull back to look at Dean with a small assuring smile. "Come on. I'm sure Jimmy's waiting for us."

"Thank you," Dean whispered, leaning forward to kiss Castiel once more in apology and gratitude. "I love you so much, baby." He backed away and grabbed his car keys off his desk. "Alright, I'll drive you guys to the vet now." Dean smiled and took a deep breath, deciding to just put all of this behind him and move on. He was glad for the distraction of a pregnant cat. He walked out of his room, glancing over his shoulder at Cas with a small smile.

Castiel followed Dean out to room, waiting until they'd gotten out of the house to take Dean's hand and whispered back, "I love you too." He still felt bad for treating Dean like shit but he'd make it up to him this weekend. He took out his phone and text Clara as they got in the car, telling her he had to cancel to spend time with Dean instead. He'd make it up to her during the week but weekends were for Dean. He put his phone back in his pocket and leaned back in his seat, staring out the window as they drove back to his house to pick up Jimmy.

Dean drove in silence to the Novak's house, deep in thought. He wasn't sure what exactly he was thinking about, but he didn't exactly feel like talking and the silence was no longer tense. When they arrived at the Novak's house, Dean could see Jimmy standing near the door and looking out at the driveway through the window.

Castiel smiled a little at Dean, getting out the car. "I'll just go get him," he said, meaning for Dean to wait there. He knew his brother could be difficult at times. He didn't want Dean to have to deal with that when Castiel could do it himself. He went into the house to which Jimmy ran up to him with Amber in his arms. Castiel shook his head. "I'm sorry buddy," he said softly, stroking under Amber's chin. "She needs to be in her carrier." Jimmy shook his head. "S-S-She doesn't like the carrier." Castiel sighed, looking at his brother with a tired expression. "I know, buddy. It's just to keep her safe from the other animals. She can get out of it as soon as we come home, okay?" Jimmy still looked reluctant but after a moment hesitantly put her in her carrier and held it close to his chest in his arms instead of holding it by the handle. Castiel nodded and both of them got in the car. Amber's worried mewing the only thing to be heard besides Jimmy's soothing mumblings as they drove to the vets.

Dean drove to the vet carefully, not wanting to swerve or drive over any bumps and upset the cat and Jimmy. The only things spoken between the three of them were Dean occasionally asking for directions and Castiel telling him, with Jimmy calming Amber in the background. When they got to the animal hospital, Dean got out and opened the door for Jimmy so he could get out while holding the carrier.

Jimmy didn't even thank Dean when he opened the door for him, too pre-occupied with crooning to Amber, telling her everything was going to be okay and that he wouldn't let anything happen to her. Castiel sighed, a little annoyed Jimmy had basically stolen his pet but if it was something that made him feel safe then he'd let it slide. They went into the vets and had Amber checked out. It took a little over an hour because of the wait but by the time they came out, it was confirmed. She was pregnant. Jimmy couldn't stop smiling all the way home, holding onto the cage and letting her sniff his fingers through the bars. Castiel just took out his phone and tweeted about it, seeing as there was no way Jimmy was going to let him anywhere near his own cat anytime soon.

They found out that Amber's kittens would be born in about three months, and after the ultrasound they learned that there were six kittens. They received instructions on how to care for her during her pregnancy and when the time came for the kittens to be born they needed to make sure she was comfortable and undisturbed, and they'd need to get paperwork for each kitten, but that wasn't for a while. Dean was excited and a little nervous, and he shared a smile with Cas when he saw how excited Jimmy was. "I wonder what the kittens are going to look like," he wondered. Nobody knew who she'd mated with.

"Gorgeous," Castiel answered with a grin once they'd gotten back in the house. Jimmy had taken Amber out of her carrier immediately and had her tucked up warmly on the couch. "She has standards, Dean," Castiel added with a smirk as he went into the kitchen to get a glass of juice. He drank it quickly and gave a small smile to Dean. "So, what do you wanna do today? You've got me for the whole weekend. Any plans?"

Dean rolled his eyes and playfully shoved Castiel. "Amber's not that shallow," he argued, "She'd go for personality before looks." He stuck his tongue out jokingly and walked into the kitchen to make a sandwich. "It sounds like I'm renting you for the weekend," he said with a small scowl, shrugging. "I don't know. I don't have any plans, surprise me." He smiled at Castiel cheekily.

Castiel chuckled a little, leaning against the kitchen counter. "Baby, I'm free for you. You know that," he teased, stealing half of Dean's sandwich and took a bite. "Hmm, I don't know," he said slowly, swallowing his bite and put down the sandwich. "I was hoping we could just spend some more time together," he shrugged. "I feel like we haven't seen each other all week."

"Yeah, that's because we really haven't," Dean said back, poking Castiel lightly in the stomach. "I'm pretty sore and tired from that crazy run I went on, I wouldn't mind just staying in and having a day to do nothing." He shrugged uncertainly, "I'm feeling really lazy today, sorry if I'm boring. We can watch a movie or play video games or something?"

Castiel's eyes lit up a little. "You went for a run?" He liked the thought of Dean getting more exercise and getting back on top. "Sure, no. That sounds perfect," he smiled, squeezing Dean a little in a quick embrace. "I've got Mario Bros on Wii, we could play that?" he offered. "I know, wii isn't that great for video games but I only got it for the exercise games, y'know?"

Dean nodded and grinned at Cas happily. "Yeah, that sounds good." He agreed, going over to the cabinet where Castiel kept the DVDs and games. He searched through the stacks and pulled out Mario Bros, and he noticed that Cas had Just Dance 2 and 3 but not 4. He smiled to himself, Just Dance was definitely something Cas would have. And Dean had an idea for a gift for him.

Castiel smiled, setting up the concert and pulled a few pillows onto the floor in front of the couch, seeing as Jimmy was sitting there with Amber. He got comfortable on the floor and patted the space beside him, holding out a controller. "Let's see what you're made of Winchester," he challenged with a small smirk. "Think you can keep up with me?"

Dean narrowed his eyes challengingly as he took the controller. "Baby, I was made for this. Prepare to lose." He settled on the pillow beside Cas and glanced over at him slyly. Dean tended to get competitive and very involved in video games, but most of it was for show and to make it more interesting.

Castiel chuckled and started the game. It was on Vs. mode to make it more interesting. He laughed a little, sticking his tongue out in concentration as he played against Dean. Jimmy sat behind them, watching curiously between them and Amber from time to time. "Damn it!" Castiel cursed, dropping his control in his lap when he lost. "You're too good at this," he pouted.

Dean grinned and stood up when he won the game, dancing around the room triumphantly. "What's my prize?" he asked playfully, hopping back over to Cas and straddling his lap, looking at him expectantly. "Come on, loser has to give the winner a prize. It's only fair after I just beat your ass at Mario Bros."

Castiel laughed a little as Dean danced but froze and tensed when Dean sat in his lap. He swallowed thickly, biting his lip. His brother was right behind him but that wasn't the reason he was blushing so much and they both knew it. He tentatively cupped the back of Dean's head, drawing him close and kissing him so tenderly, like he might break at any moment. The movement was hesitant but emotional. After the week they'd had, Castiel wanted to show him just how much he loved him.

Dean's smile faded when Castiel tensed and blushed, and Dean bit his lip and started to move away, an apology on his lips, but Cas took his head gently and pulled him closer for a kiss, and Dean carefully kissed him back, slow and soft and submissive, letting Cas do what he wanted. Dean smiled sheepishly when they pulled apart and then got off Castiel's lap, sitting beside him instead. "Sorry," he murmured, embarrassed. Jimmy was watching them, and Dean gave him an awkward smile.

Castiel shook his head, twisting his body to half sit in Dean's lap and he pulled him back into a more confident kiss. "Don't be," he whispered back, moving to sit back beside Dean. He handed the control to Jimmy. "You can play the winner, buddy. Don't go easy on him, Jimmy." Both brothers chuckled as if Dean didn't know what he was in for. Jimmy dipped his head, and looked down at the controls then over at Amber to make sure she'd be okay before accepting to play against Dean.

Dean smiled in surprise and kissed Castiel back. He turned to Jimmy and eyed him curiously, wondering just how good he was. Jimmy and Castiel laughed knowingly at the same time and it was almost eerie how similar they sounded. Dean grinned at Jimmy and prepared the controller, waiting for the game to start. "You can't beat the champion," he said absently as the game began and he put all his focus into it.

Castiel chuckled a little and sat back as he watched Jimmy destroy Dean. Jimmy didn't boast when he won so easily. He just handed the controller back to Castiel and returned to tending to Amber with a small smile on his face. A small chuckle escaping him shortly after. Castiel laughed, tussling Dean's hair. "Tough luck, slugger," he laughed.

Dean groaned in exaggerated frustration when Jimmy beat him, but he tilted his head up and back, accidentally bumping it against Jimmy's knee, and grinned up at him. "That was great. It's nice to actually be challenged for once," he smirked playfully at Castiel and nudged him with his foot.

Jimmy froze, staring wide eyed at Dean but didn't say anything too frightened to mention the contact. Dean hadn't noticed and he didn't want to draw attention to himself. He simply nodded and smiled weakly. Castiel pouted, nudging Dean back with his foot and turned around to smile at Jimmy to see Dean head lightly touching Jimmy's knee. He subtly, pulled Dean into a kiss and away from Jimmy's knee. "Well I'm sorry I'm not up to your video gaming standards," he said, rolling his eyes affectionately.

Dean grinned at Cas and kissed his nose. "It's not your fault Jimmy's a better player. It just means I'll have to play with him more often if I actually want a challenge. I'm not going to get any better if I keep winning, am I?" Dean slung his arm around Castiel's neck and pulled him close to plant a big kiss on his cheek and ruffle his hair lovingly to show he was only teasing.

Castiel pouted and pretended to be upset but couldn't help but chuckle when Dean tussled his hair. "Jimmy, you gonna be okay on your own for a little while?" he asked softly. Jimmy nodded with a small smile. "I-I guess I'll j-just practise. D-Don't w-w-want Dean to beat me a-anytime soon." Castiel chuckled, giving him a warm look before standing up, holding his hand out expectantly for Dean.

Dean chuckled and grinned at Jimmy before taking Castiel's hand and standing up. He gave him a questioning look, pulling Cas to the side so they weren't blocking the Wii console and the TV. He shuffled a little on his feet and looked down at their entwined hands, playing with Castiel's fingers absently before glancing back up at him curiously.

Castiel smiled playfully, pressing a soft kiss to Dean's hand and led them off into the kitchen. Jimmy was already playing games and not focussed on either of them at all. "Are you having fun?" Castiel asked with a grin. He loved hanging out with Dean like this. Just being normal young adults for once. He squeezed Dean's hand and watched him with warm, loving eyes.

"Yeah," Dean smiled softly, wrapping his arms loosely around Castiel's neck and resting their foreheads together lightly. "Thanks for this, Cas. I don't want you to feel bad, though. Apparently I can get pretty clingy and I get it if you need your space. But this is nice, baby." Dean sighed and rested his forehead against Castiel's shoulder, tipping his head forward and closing his eyes. "Things will be different as soon as school is over. We might be able to move somewhere else after we get married, I'll get a full-time job somewhere, and you'll hopefully be at the dance academy."

Castiel smiled softly, pressing his lips to Dean's ear as he pushed him up against the counter. Their bodies flush against each other. "Clingy is good. It means you still care," he assured in a hushed murmur, pressing his lips against Dean's neck, just below his ear. "Once you finish school we can make it anywhere. Just be patient, love." He pressed another kiss to Dean's neck, breathing heavily in his ear. "Just live in the present. Forget about the future for now."

Dean let out a sigh, tipping his head back and letting Castiel kiss his neck. He moved his hands down to rest on Castiel's sides, right on either side of his torso, feeling his strong muscles over his ribcage. Dean was surrounded by Cas, and it was perfect. He turned his head to Castiel's face and nudged his cheek with his nose until their lips met, and Dean kissed him, slow and passionate. "The future is what we're working for," he breathed, "It's what we're working for. Can't just... forget about it."

Castiel chuckled, letting his nose slide lightly against Dean's as he tipped forward again to capture Dean's lips. "You're not listening, Dean," he said gently. "Just..let go." He kissed Dean again, painfully slow. His hand sliding down Dean's side and holding him still against the counter as his hips bucked hesitantly against Dean's. He let out a small hum and deepened the kiss, trying to put some more intimacy back into their relationship after the week they'd had apart.

It was easy to 'let go' when Cas was pressed up against him, pinning him to the counter with his body, hips and chest, hands and mouth making Dean forget about everything that worried him. He shuddered and tugged Cas closer, needing more but not wanting to completely lose himself yet. "I don't know how you do this to me," he whispered when he pulled away for air, staring into Castiel's eyes for a moment and then focusing on his lips again, craving the taste of Castiel's mouth.

Castiel blushed a little, biting his lip as he looked bashfully at Dean's chest. His own hand resting there, feeling the raised beat of Dean's heart. "Let's go upstairs," he said quietly, turning quick on his heel and up the stairs with Dean's hand in his. They reached the bedroom and Castiel bit his lip nervously. He knew what he wanted but didn't want to disappoint Dean if he couldn't go through with it. So for now. He stuck to kissing Dean, placing his hands over Dean's to guide the other's hands to the curve of his ass, knowing Dean wouldn't touch him there unless he said it was okay.

Dean followed Cas upstairs and then hesitated when they reached the bedroom. He felt weird about what they were doing, like Cas was trying to make up for last time, as if what they were about to do was some kind of payment, something that Cas owed him. Dean did what Cas guided him to, kissing him and touching him where Castiel placed his hands, but he could sense the tension from Cas and he wasn't sure if it was a good idea to do this right now. He gently pushed Castiel back a little bit with a hand on his chest and looked at him steadily. "Cas, are we making out because you genuinely want to, or is this you trying to apologize and make up for the past week?" He asked, needing to know the truth because he felt extremely unsure of himself in this situation.

Castiel bit his lip, pouting a little as Dean pushed him away. He was breathless, swallowing the lump in the back of his throat. He shook his head a little, trying to move back closer to Dean. "I-I-I want this, Dean. I want you..I-I just..I'm not sure how," he admitted truthfully. "Every time we do something sexual or intimate it feels so forced. It's not that I don't want to. God..I do. I really do. I just..don't know how to approach you that way anymore."

Dean sighed and studied Castiel's face. "I don't know what to do," he confessed, "If you're feeling uncertain about what to do I could try to initiate things but I feel like you'd get uncomfortable and nervous if I tried to take control a little." He moved his hands up to safer territory, the small of Castiel's back, and rested his hands there lightly. "I want this too, Cas. But you need to call the shots. I'm so scared of hurting you, and I just don't know what to do. I'm sorry."

Castiel bit his lip, pressing a hesitant peck to Dean's neck as he rested his forehead against his shoulder. "I'm sorry too. I-I know this must be tough on you too. I really appreciate your patience." He pressed another soft kiss to Dean's neck. "Try initiating," Castiel said, looking up into Dean's eyes. "I promise I'll tell you to stop if you're hurting me. I-I just want to get better."

Dean gazed back at Castiel seriously, and he nodded after a moment, running both hands through Castiel's hair and then cupping his face. "I'm going to be watching you very carefully and if you show even the slightest sign of discomfort I'll stop. I can read you pretty well, Cas. So don't try to hide anything from me." Dean licked his lips and then captured Castiel's, kissing him hotly, creating a slow burn. He wanted this to be good for Cas, not too intense and not at all fast. They had plenty of time, Jimmy was still downstairs playing video games, and they had nothing to worry about right now. Every ounce of Dean's concentration was on making Castiel feel good, kissing him the way he knew Cas liked to be kissed and touching him in all the right places, slowly increasing in intensity until he could feel Castiel becoming more aroused.

Castiel nodded in agreement, grateful to have such an understanding partner who he could trust. He went with Dean's movements, kissing back at his pace. He didn't feel like he had to keep up or force himself to keep pace. It was just about right. Maybe a bit too pushy with keeping the kiss heated but Castiel enjoyed it still, feeling the warmth of Dean's body almost pressed flush against him. He snaked his hands down to Dean's ass, giving a light squeeze before moving his hands back up into Dean's hair.

Dean let out a surprised huff when Castiel touched his ass and then tangled his hands in his hair, and he dragged his teeth very lightly over Castiel's lip before moving his mouth down to his neck and kissing the skin there, making sure to get all the sensitive spots that Cas liked. He kept it slow and sensual, just wanting Cas to feel comfortable before anything else happened.

Castiel gasped and sighed softly as Dean continued to kiss and touch him in all the right places. Castiel tilted his head up a little to let Dean have more room, encouraging him to keep kissing him there. He moved back until he felt his knees hit the back of the bed, he sunk down, bringing Dean with him in a tangle of limbs. He let Dean keep kissing him but manoeuvred them so Dean wasn't completely crushing him.

Dean was on top again, with Castiel on his back below him, and he moved off to the side slightly so Cas wouldn't feel trapped. He kept kissing him, propped up on one elbow while the other hand continued trailing up and down Castiel's body, and he tentatively lifted his shirt up bit by bit and touched Castiel's bare skin, on the top of his hipbones and his lower stomach. He moaned softly against Castiel's neck and pressed his lips there.

Castiel couldn't help but smile a little when Dean moaned just from touching him. He bit his lip, trailing his hand down to meet Dean's, guiding him to trail his hand further up beneath his shirt. He let out a small shuddery breath, tensing a little but soon relaxed against the warm touch, even welcoming it. He lifted Dean's head up with his free hand and kissed him gently, smiling into the kiss. This felt nice. It's what he'd been wanting but without Dean's help had been struggling to get on his own terms.

Dean shifted up a little on the bed and pushed slightly closer to Cas, adjusting the angle of the kiss to deep it a little bit as he felt Cas smile against his lips. He sucked lightly on Castiel's lower lip and then on his tongue, moaning into it again and hooking one of his legs over Castiel's, but not moving any more than that. He teasingly traced one of Castiel's nipples with his finger before dragging his fingertips down Castiel's ribs and fitting his hand against a beautiful hip bone.

Castiel gasped and moaned as Dean's fingers found his nipples. His back arched slightly at the touch, his mouth moving clumsily against Dean's for a moment before he adjusted again to the new sensation. He hadn't felt like this in so long. It was almost overwhelming. He kissed Dean back as well as he could. His own hands, dipping under Dean's shirt and trailing curiously up his back, feeling the warm skin beneath the fabric.

Dean smiled at Castiel's reaction and chuckled softly, sliding one arm under Castiel's back as he arched it and using the opportunity to pull Castiel's shirt up and over his head, and once his torso was bare Dean sat up a little bit and just looked at his body, placing one hand on the middle of Castiel's stomach and trailing it up to his chest, fingers splaying out. He smiled down at Cas in awe, still fascinated by the beauty of his body and the trust Cas gave him to look at him like this. "Beautiful," he murmured, leaning down slowly to press a kiss to the shallow indent in the center of Castiel's chest, just below his ribcage.

Castiel swallowed thickly as Dean kissed his naked, exposed skin. He blushed deeply and felt so exposed and vulnerable at this moment. Yet he wasn't scared. He trusted Dean. Knew he'd be safe and he just let him rediscovered his body all over again. His fingers dipped back under Dean's shirt and pulled it over his head carefully, tossing the garment aside. He didn't want to feel like the centre of attention. If Dean was exposed too he'd feel a lot better. Dean's skin was less tanned than it once was. A lot more scarred too but Castiel didn't care. He still thought he was beautiful. He leaned up and pressed a chaste kiss to Dean's nipple, pressing his nose again the other as he just inhaled Dean's scent, closing his eyes and just got used to the feel of skin on skin again.

Dean helped shrug out of his shirt when Cas started tugging at it, and he hummed softly when Castiel kissed his nipple and pressed his face against his chest. Dean gently cupped the back of his neck and stilled, just holding him and whispering sweet nothings into his hair. "My Cas, my baby..." he murmured, "God, I love you so much." He pulled Castiel's head up a little so he could meet his eyes, and slowly leaned in to kiss him gently, overwhelmed by love.

Castiel felt his eyes water a little when Dean didn't do anything. Just held him and caressed his hair as he whispered praise to him. It was all Castiel could do but learn up and kiss Dean back just as soft and tender as the kisses before. He ran his hands up and down Dean's back, feeling the warmth there. "Dean," he breathed, nudging his nose against Dean's neck and inhaling the scent.

Dean sighed, smiling softly at the gentle caresses of Castiel's hands on his back and the small movement of air as he breathed on Dean's skin. "Shh," he murmured, "I've got you, Cas. I'll take care of you." Dean lifted himself up a little bit so there was a space between their bodies, and he left a slow trail of kisses down Castiel's neck and onto his shoulders, and then proceeded to move his way down Castiel's arm to his hand, and he gently kissed each fingertip and knuckle, looking up at Cas as he worshipped his body.

Castiel gasped a little, shaking his head as Dean moved down his body. "Don't," he whispered, biting his lip. He didn't deserve this. Didn't deserve Dean's affections. Not after the week he'd had. Treating him so badly. He sat up a little, getting Dean to lie on his back on the bed next to him. "I can't...I don't deserve it. Not yet," he said quietly. "I should be trying to make things up to you not..not expecting more from you."

Dean looked at Cas with wide, concerned eyes as he reluctantly moved to lie on the bed when Cas pushed him over. "Cas, I want to," he insisted, "And who says you don't deserve it?" Dean looked up at him and slowly reached out to trace Castiel's lips with one finger, then slid his hand down Castiel's neck and traced his collarbones. "I just.. I want to show you how much I love you. All of you."

Castiel frowned, resisting the urge to kiss Dean's finger. "Dean," he said quietly. "I've been nothing but a dick to you this last week. I can't expect you to give me all this so easily. I should be working for it." He sighed slightly at Dean's touch, caving in a little and pressing his fingertips over Dean's chest. "I know how much you love me..but we don't have to do this if you're still mad at me. Don't do this because I finally want to. You can say no too."

"Cas, stop trying to punish yourself. I'm not mad at you anymore, it's alright. I understand you had a busy week and I can't expect you to come home and be ready to fool around and have fun every night. You just started a new job and it's important to get to know the people you're working for. It's okay, I get it." Dean sighed in mild frustration and looked at Cas expectantly. "Can we just do this for once without talking about it?"

Castiel sighed, shaking his head and letting out a small huff in embarrassment. "I-I'm sorry, love," he whispered, letting his head dip down to kiss Dean's chest. "Let's just..live in the moment," he said, remembered what he'd said earlier. He let his lips linger there for a moment, against the warm skin, unsure what else to do. He was still feeling a little nervous about everything and didn't want to upset Dean by doing the wrong thing.

Dean nodded and stroked Castiel's hair soothingly. He wasn't sure what they were doing right now, and Cas was hesitating, but Dean was reluctant to make a move on him and wanted Cas to do what he felt comfortable with. "Cas, do you still want to...?" He trailed off, putting his fingers under Castiel's chin and tilting his head up so they could see each other.

Castiel nodded. "I-I thought we were done talking about this," he said, a small smirk curling his lips. It soon disappeared though when he realized he didn't know how to continue. He tentatively took Dean's hand and placed it over his chest, getting the other to touch him again. He leaned in to kiss Dean, hoping Dean would take the lead and help him through this again.

Dean's lips quirked up in an answering smile and he gently rubbed Castiel's skin, touching his nipples and tracing the contours of his muscles. He kissed Castiel, slow and deep, and sucked his tongue into his mouth. Dean laid back and spread his legs, pulling Cas to lay on top of him between his legs. They were both still wearing jeans, and Dean worshipped Castiel's mouth and unbuckled his belt and got the zipper down, but he left it at that and put his hands on Castiel's sides to hold him there and keep kissing him.

Castiel gasped a little into Dean's mouth, manoeuvring himself until he was comfortable between Dean's legs. He froze when Dean unzipped his jeans. He gulped audibly but tried to ignore it, pushing on with what they were doing and continued to kiss Dean deeply, letting his hands press against his chest and flick his fingers delicately over a nipple before moving his head down to kiss it.

Dean was glad they were taking this slow, because he could feel the tension in every line of Castiel's body. Dean moaned quietly when Castiel's mouth found his nipple, and he very lightly slid his hands down Castiel's back and onto the curve of his ass, lingering there for just a moment before sliding back up to rest on Castiel's sides. "You're okay, I've got you," Dean promised.

Castiel gasped and nodded a little, letting Dean hold him. He felt safe like this. With Dean beneath him and assuring him that everything would be okay. "I-I love you," he whispered, pressing his lips back against Dean's nipple and listened to him moan softly. He felt a little more confident with the noises Dean was making. He put a hand down his own pants, hissing a little at how hard he already was. He blushed, hiding his face from Dean in his neck. "Sorry," he whispered, pressing a hesitant kiss to his skin.

Dean chuckled and ruffled Castiel's hair playfully, kissing his temple where he could reach. "You're adorable," he said, grinning at Cas and cupping his face to kiss him again. He could feel Castiel's erection against his thigh, and Dean was getting hard too. He shifted Castiel's hips over a little bit and reached down to undo his own pants and lessen the pressure on his cock slightly, but he didn't pull his underwear down at all. Dean looked up at Cas and slowly guided him to move his hips back against Dean's, not taking his eyes away from Cas.

Castiel bit his lip, removing his hand from his pants and placed it back on to bed for support as he stayed hovered over Dean. He blushed deeply when Dean moved their hips together and Castiel bit his lip, hiding in Dean's neck. He did continue the movement however, very slowly, feeling Dean against him. His erection rubbing against his own thigh. He swallowed thickly, standing up and away to shrug out of his pants, inclining Dean to do the same.

Dean let out a long, low moan of pleasure as Cas moved his body against Dean's, and he whimpered slightly at the loss of contact when Cas moved away to take off his pants. Dean did the same and then held his hands out, pleading Cas to come back and settle between his legs again.

Castiel dipped his head and blushed a little as Dean made grabby hands at him to come back to bed. He bit his lip, carefully kneeling at the end of the bed. He pressed a chaste kiss to both of Dean's ankles, working his way up one of Dean's legs and kissed delicately at the flesh of his thigh. He was just trying to buy time. Until he was ready to ask Dean what he really wanted but he wasn't there yet. So instead he just kept kissing Dean's body, avoiding his crotch at any costs.

Dean smiled softly at Cas as he approached the bed again and stayed down by his feet. He wasn't expecting Cas to kiss his ankles and legs, he'd never done that before and it was surprising. Dean sucked in a breath and held himself up on his elbows to watch Cas kiss his legs and moving up to his thigh, but not going near his hardening erection. He didn't ask Cas to touch him or anything else, he simply let Cas do what he was comfortable with and Dean enjoyed it all the same.

Castiel bit his lip, moving up Dean's body and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. He took Dean's hands and placed them on his ass, he tensed for a moment, getting used to the feeling of having someone touch him there again. He wanted this. Wanted to get better. He breathed out a nervous laugh and kissed Dean for support. "Come on, babe. Touch me," he whispered, a little anxiously, moving Dean's hands to guide them to touch him with firmer grasp.

Dean kissed Castiel deeply and smiled against his lips, hugging him close before sliding his hands down to Castiel's ass when he guided him. He lightly patted Castiel's ass with one hand and squeezed a little with the other one, kissing him with all his focus. Dean was being careful and paying close attention to Castiel's reactions to what he was doing. Although they'd done more than this before, Castiel's emotional recovery was unpredictable and Dean was starting to get a sense of what might trigger him.

Castiel sighed in relief, feeling Dean begin to touch him a bit more comfortably. They'd had sex since Jimmy'd been back but it'd felt different. Castiel had fucked Dean and by his own terms. Now, everything felt equal. Dean was growing restless despite how much he pretended this wasn't a fact. And Castiel was still trying to get better but it felt like Dean was burdening him with this unspoken pressure to perform. But this, this was okay. Castiel felt empowered above Dean whilst still feeling like he could break at any moment. All the more motivation to get this right. He dipped his head forward to kiss Dean's chest, using the movement to make sure his scarred thighs were hidden from Dean in this position.

Dean arched into the touch of lips on his chest, feeling Castiel's hair brushing lightly against his skin. He slid one hand up Castiel's side and kept the other one on Castiel's hip, pulling him closer so their hips slotted together more firmly, and he bit back a moan at the feeling. He pulled Castiel's head back up to kiss his mouth again, passionate and deep, with his fingers grasping Castiel's hair and then soothing his scalp, running his fingers through gently as he kissed him. It wasn't anything fast and rough, just slow and hot.

Castiel moaned softly, screwing his eyes shut as his hips rutted instinctively against Dean's. His lips caught against Dean's in a slow, passionate kiss. His sighs muffled against the other's mouth as he felt Dean's hands work through his hair. He reached for the lube on the nightstand, dropping it on the side of the bed as he removed their boxers quickly. His hand stroked over Dean's hip as they moved together slowly, complete skin on skin, making Castiel cry out softly in pleasure.

Dean exhaled, not quite panting but breathing hard. Castiel's warm body above him, hands and lips in all the right places , and he could feel the beat of his heart against his chest. He could feel each breath Castiel took, and it was so beautiful. Dean moaned at the perfect, slow friction between them once their underwear were gone, and his body felt hot and he needed to move, but he kept it slow to make it last and make sure Cas was okay. He wrapped both arms around Castiel and held him there gently, against his chest and above him, and slowly pushed his hips up into Castiel's.

Castiel let out a small grunt as Dean moved against him. His eyes shut tight again as he tried to focus on just breathing. He swallowed thickly, reaching for the lube with trembling fingers he squirted some onto his hand, coating his fingers before sitting back on his knees, looking back at Dean. He positioned himself so his thighs pressed together, hiding his scars as he slowly dipped a finger into his hole, crying out inaudibly. His eyes screwed shut and his jaw clenched with the effort it took touch himself there again.

Dean leaned up on his elbows to watch Cas begin to prepare himself, and he didn't say anything. If Cas wanted to do this, Dean wasn't going to try talking him out of it unless it became clear that he wasn't ready. This would be the first time since Castiel was raped that Dean would be the one fucking Cas, but it looked like Cas wanted to ride him and be on top anyway. Dean was already hard and ready, aching with need, but he bit his lip and watched, not moving. He could just barely see the edges of the scars from Lucifer's knife, and no matter how much Dean wanted to crawl over there and kiss them better, he knew that Cas wanted to hide them. Dean tore his gaze away from Castiel's thighs and instead looked up at his face, watching the pain and discomfort contort his features. It broke Dean's heart and he couldn't just sit there and watch anymore, so he sat up and gently cupped the back of Castiel's neck, drawing him forward a little bit to plant a gentle kiss to his forehead, wishing he could just make the pain go away.

Castiel let out a small whimper as Dean kissed his forehead. So tender and loving and just everything Castiel wanted. He pulled his finger away, pushing back in a little deeper and let out a low groan. Whether it was pain or pleasure, it was hard to tell. Castiel just wanted this so desperately. It took a long time for Castiel to push two fingers inside, by which point he was panting and sweating with the effort it took to get this far. His whole body was trembling and he swallowed thickly as he let out a startled sound as he scissored his fingers, stretching himself out further.

Dean rested his forehead against Castiel's and murmured reassuring words to him, wishing it didn't hurt so bad. He couldn't tell if Castiel was moaning in pleasure or pain. "You're okay, baby," he whispered, "Take it slow. Don't hurt yourself, Cas. Just go slow, it's okay." Dean stroked his hair gently, pressing soft kisses to his face and holding him gently as Castiel continued to push his fingers inside himself and stretch himself out wide enough to fit Dean.

He was grateful Dean didn't push him or insist on stretching him himself. This was something he had to do. At his own pace and by his terms. He let out a ragged breath as he pushed in a third finger, resting his sweaty forehead heavily against Dean's. He worked his fingers until he was comfortable enough, wiggling his hips a little to move back against his fingers. He was ready but it wasn't as pleasurable as it used to be. Sure he let out breathy sighs and small moans but after what Lucifer did to him. He wasn't sure he'd ever feel the same again.

Dean stroked Castiel's chest soothingly and wished he could make it more pleasurable for Cas, until he realized he could. Watching Castiel's expression, Dean slowly trailed his fingers down Castiel's abdomen and tentatively closed his hand around Castiel's cock, stroking it slowly and lightly and he hoped it would make the pain more bearable. Dean wasn't blind, he could tell that whatever noises Castiel was making were out of pain or discomfort, because it had been ages since Cas did this and it was the first time since Lucifer. "I've got you," Dean murmured against Castiel's neck, still stroking his cock. "It's all right, baby, I'm here. I've got you."

Castiel let out a small moan as Dean stroked his cock. His eyes squeezed shut to conceal his emotions and the look of painful pleasure that crossed his face. He thrust his fingers a few more times until he was breathing heavily still unable to hit his sweet spot but it was pleasurable enough. He wasn't in any physical pain. More psychological than anything. He handed Dean the lube, telling him he was ready. He didn't want to touch Dean there. Just like he hadn't wanted to stretch Dean open. It was too intimate and just too much for him to handle.

Dean hesitantly took the lube from Castiel's hand and opened it up, squeezing a little bit onto his hand and slicking himself up slowly. He placed the tube off to the side and then looked up at Cas questioningly. "How do you wanna do this?" He asked, "I can... I can just stay like this and you can be on top?" Dean laid back on the bed a little bit and looked up at Cas, wanting him to feel safe and have a way to escape if he changed his mind.

Castiel nodded, shifting his hips to position himself so he straddled Dean's lap, lining up with Dean's cock. He hesitantly lowered himself, dipping his head down to hide his terrified and pained expression as he took Dean slowly, inch by inch. His hands pressed against his thighs, hiding his scars as he grunted out a heavy breath, trying to tell himself he was safe with Dean. Finally, he let out a small moan, adjusting to the feeling of Dean fully inside of him. His eyes still closed as he cautiously rocked against Dean.

Dean bit his lip hard and put his hands on Castiel's hips to keep him from moving to fast as he lowered himself down on Dean's cock. He could feel Cas trembling but couldn't see his face, and when Cas finally stilled, Dean let out a small, strangled moan at the feeling of being inside Cas once again. His hands trailed up Castiel's chest until his fingers touched Castiel's neck and jaw, and he gently encouraged Castiel to tilt his head up. "Cas, look at me," he murmured, trying to meet his eyes. "Are you okay?"

Castiel felt Dean's fingers slither across his skin, cupping his head gently as he tried to meet his eyes. Castiel lowered his eyes to Dean's chest before meeting Dean's eyes properly. He nodded in assurance, too afraid to speak. He shifted his hips again, swallowing thickly. Castiel couldn't help it. He thought of Lucifer. Everything he'd done to him. How much he'd abused him. Breaking him from the inside out. A single tear rolled down Castiel's cheek as he let out a soft moan which petered out into a whimper. He felt dirty. He felt impure and disgusting. How Dean could want him like this after everything Lucifer had done to him.

Dean didn't like the look in Castiel's eyes. This was supposed to be pleasant and they were both supposed to get off, and Dean felt a sudden deep sadness as he longed for the days when everything was so much easier, when there were no barriers between them and the scars from the past were manageable. And now Cas was crying and that was not what was supposed to happen. Dean's heart ached for Cas and all the pain and suffering forced upon him, and he sat up then, still inside Cas, and pulled him close into his arms so he was sitting in his lap. "Shh," he soothed, "Cas, you're alright. You're safe, I've got you. And I love you so much, baby." He kissed Castiel's forehead gently and just held him. "Am I hurting you? We don't have to..."

Castiel didn't say anything. He couldn't. He was too afraid too. Unsure what he might say. So instead, when Dean held him close. Castiel kissed Dean's cheek tenderly, letting his lips press against the skin in an opened mouth kiss. He was determined to see this through. Make Dean feel good. Feel like Castiel was better than anyone else he'd been with. He was damaged. He knew that but this was something he could give Dean that maybe no one else could..or so he hoped. He pressed more kisses against his skin, breathing heavily as he continued to roll his hips, moaning ever so slightly when Dean hit the right spot inside.

Dean held his breath and waited for Cas to say something, anything, but instead he got kisses on his face that started out gentle and chaste and became more sloppy and breathy, and Dean still couldn't see Castiel's face from their positions, but then Cas started moving and Dean bit back a moan. "Cas, this really doesn't answer my quest- ah!" He gasped as Castiel moved a certain way and Dean felt a sharp wave of arousal pulse through him. He pulled back a little, pushing at Castiel's shoulder until he could see his face. "Cas?"

Castiel had just about been there. Almost getting to the point where he could let go a little only to have Dean drag him back down to reality. Instead of answering Dean's question he kissed him, running his hands into his hair as his movements became more desperate and clumsy. His hair stuck to his forehead, the amount he was sweating as he rode Dean almost to the point you could say he was enjoying himself. If only a little. He rested their foreheads together, letting out a small whimper as a ripple of arousal coursed through him.

Dean took the hint that Cas was trying to shut him up, so he kissed him back just as desperately and really hoped Cas wasn't just doing it to make him happy. They were both sweaty and sticky by this point and Dean's hands rested lightly on Castiel's hips, prepared to stop him if Cas started to get too rough and started hurting himself. They pulled apart for air, foreheads resting together, and Dean let his hand wander down again to tentatively stroke Castiel's cock.

Castiel arched his back, rocking his hips into Dean's hand. He bit his lip, letting out a low shuddery moan. This wasn't as intense as it was to make love to Dean but he supposed that was to be expected. He wouldn't feel as aroused seeing as the last time someone was inside him he was bleeding out. Not exactly something that puts you in the mood. He grunted again, wincing a little when he went too fast so slowed down his rhythm, keeping it to something he was comfortable with. Eventually, he reached his orgasm, coming into Dean's hand with a small moan. Just happy for it to be over more than anything as he slumped against Dean. Exhausted.

Dean was close to coming soon after Cas, but it just wasn't really working as well as it used to. Dean could tell that Cas wasn't enjoying it and he seemed relieved when he finally came, and Dean didn't want to keep using Castiel's body to get off when Cas was already done, so he pulled out of Cas and quickly jerked himself off, moaning softly into Castiel's neck. When he came down from the high, breathing heavily, he maneuvered them so they were on their sides facing each other. Dean searched Castiel's face and gently touched his cheek. "Cas?" He murmured carefully.

Castiel was glad Dean didn't come inside him. The thought alone made him feel more than just a bit sick but he was too tired to do anything about it. So when Dean moved him away he was gratefully, letting his eyes slip shut as he practically fell asleep almost instantly. It was either that or face Dean and cry violently into his shoulder. Sleep was good. He couldn't face Dean right now. Not while he felt this dirty and impure. Dean didn't deserve this. He deserved better.

Dean sighed sadly when Cas said nothing and closed his eyes and fell asleep quickly. He kept close to Cas and carefully wrapped an arm around him, wishing there was something he could do to heal the pain of the past. "Oh, Cas," he sighed sadly, pressing a gentle kiss to Castiel's forehead and closing his eyes. Dean didn't know what to do, he'd done everything he could to try and help Cas but he'd run out of ideas. Helpless tears welled up in his eyes and he let himself cry quietly, thankful Cas was asleep so he wouldn't see this. Dean felt so lost.


	56. Chapter 56

Castiel slept for a few hours before waking up restlessly. He made a small, tired noise as he blinked the sleep out of his eyes, looking around. He slipped out of the bed, not bothering to check if Dean was still there or not. He assumed he wouldn't be. He winced a little when he felt a slight pain in his ass. He tried to ignore it as he put on a pair of boxers and sweatpants and padded downstairs whilst putting on a vest top and went into the kitchen and hid in the cupboard under the sink, hugging his knees as he closed the door behind him, consuming himself completely in darkness.

Dean fell asleep soon after, his face damp and eyes swollen with tears, and he slept restlessly throughout the night. At one point, around three in the morning, he woke up and realized Cas was missing from the bed and he looked around the room in confusion. Cas probably wanted to be alone but Dean was worried. He couldn't help but think about the worst case scenarios of where Cas could be or what he was doing at three in the morning, but he had no idea how Cas was feeling after they'd had sex. Dean stumbled out of bed and put on his underwear and sweatpants to go looking for Cas. He couldn't find a shirt and it was chilly in the house, so he pulled a blanket off the bed and wrappe it around his shoulders as he wandered around, checking the bathroom and all the bedrooms, but he couldn't find Cas anywhere upstairs and was getting more and more concerned.

He could hear Amber scratching on the cabinet door, knowing he was inside but he didn't open it for her. Her noise soon drowned out as he rocked back and forth gently in the confined space. He hummed absently to himself, screwing his eyes shut as he heard footsteps upstairs. He tried to ignore it. Tried to ignore everything. He'd finally had sex with Dean and he'd ruined everything. He was nothing but a body for people to use. He felt defiled and sick to his stomach. How could Dean ever want him?

Dean went downstairs, hoping Cas had just gone down to crash on the couch or he was just doing something because he couldn't sleep. He searched the entire downstairs but Cas was nowhere to be found. His bike was still in the garage and there were no lights on anywhere, and Dean was about to give up and just call him, but he heard something coming from the kitchen. He followed the sound an found Amber scratching anxiously at the cupboard under the sink and meowing unhappily, and Dean frowned and hesitantly stepped forward. He gently moved the cat to the side with his foot and opened the cupboard carefully, not knowing what to expect. He gasped when he saw Cas in there, curled up in a ball and somehow fitting in the tight space. Dropping to a crouch in front of the cupboard, Dean peered into the dark, cramped space. "Cas, what are you doing in there?" He asked quietly.

Castiel jumped when Dean opened the door. He hugged his legs tighter and dipped his head away from Dean. He didn't want to talk not to Dean not to anyone. He wanted to disappear and never come back. People wouldn't even know he was gone so what would it matter. He sniffed a little, trying to fight back tears. He refused to cry in front of Dean this time. He was pathetic and they both knew it.

Dean sighed in exasperated defeat and sat back on his heels, dropping his hands to his lap. "You're acting like a child, Cas. Come out of there so we can have a mature conversation like adults." Dean knew that was harsh, but he just didn't know what to do anymore. He watched Cas for a moment and then softened his tone. "Please, Cas. I don't know how to help you and I won't if you refuse to tell me."

Castiel took a deep breath, feeling like he could punch Dean the way he was treating him. Couldn't he be self-centred and annoying just once? He grabbed for the door, trying to close it again but Dean was in the way. He didn't look at him, pulling the door against Dean's leg several times in an attempt to close it but it didn't work. So instead he just buried his face in his knees, hoping Dean would give up and leave.

"Ow, dammit!" Dean scowled at Cas and held the cupboard door open so Cas couldn't slam it into his leg anymore. "Seriously, stop sulking like an immature six year old and get out of there. This is stupid." Dean didn't move, nor did he intend to until Cas came out and told him what was going on. He'd been left alone long enough and he needed to talk to Dean whether he wanted to or not. "Don't make me drag you out of there and wrestle you to the ground, because I will, believe me."

Castiel just rose a challenging eyebrow. Dean had watched Castiel beat his brother something vicious last week. He really thought he could take him? He was stronger and more unstable. He'd do anything to get away from Dean. Even if that meant hurting him. He held his ground though, digging his head into his knees to conceal his face, having no intention of leaving this cupboard anytime soon.

Dean stared at Cas expectantly for a moment, but he got no response. "God dammit, Cas." he muttered in angry defeat and frustration. "I'm trying to help you deal with your shit and you're not letting me. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried everything I can think of and I guess I'm just not good enough. Nothing I've done to try to reach you has worked and I want you to _tell _me what you need! I'm sick of failing you like every other God-forsaken thing I care about."

That got Castiel's attention. He stared wide eyed at his fiancé in disbelief. Dean thought _he _wasn't good enough. His features softened and he bit his lip worryingly. He hesitantly reached out a hand, pressing his left hand against Dean's cheek, letting the cool metal warm against Dean's skin. "You're not a failure," Castiel said, voice so small and broken he wasn't sure Dean had heard it. "I am."

Dean's first reaction was to pull away from Castiel's touch and glare at him unhappily. He scooted back so he was leaning against the adjacent cupboards and was sideways to Cas. He leaned his head back against the wood, banging it harder than necessary with a loud thunk, and closed his eyes, drawing his knees up and loosely resting his wrists on them, arms extended carelessly. The blanket he'd wrapped around his shoulders had fallen to the ground and was piled loosely around him. He couldn't look at Cas, couldn't handle the pain in his eyes and the way he hated himself so much. He just couldn't take it.

Castiel looked at Dean's knees and let out a small shuddery breath as he tried to compose himself. He wiped his eyes, getting rid of the tears before they fell and shuffled a little out of the cupboard until he was crawling out onto the floor. Amber was still mewing softly, curious as to what was going on but Castiel ignored her. He sat by Dean's side, sitting on his knees, with his forehead pressed again Dean's arm.

Dean's entire body tensed when he heard Castiel move towards him, but he squeezed his eyes shut tighter and clenched his jaw, trying to stay still and not lose control of his emotions. But the moment Cas touched him, pressing his forehead against his arm, Dean lost it. His composure cracked and tears streamed down his face, his lungs seizing up and he choked out a strangled sob. Castiel's position was so submissive, as if he were asking for forgiveness and bowing his head in respect while still wanting to be close to him, and it was too much. Dean raised a hand to his own face and pressed it against his eyes hard, his face contorting with despair as he gasped and sobbed.

Castiel didn't know what to do. This wasn't Dean's fault and yet he was crying violently like he felt responsible for all this. He'd done this to him. He'd made Dean feel this way and it broke his heart. He shouldn't have pushed. Maybe Dean just wasn't as ready as Castiel was for this. Hell with that. Neither of them were ready. They were in such a mess and it was all Castiel's fault. He maintained his position, unwilling to touch Dean further unless he wanted him too. All he did was ghost his hand over Dean's knee, keeping it there until Dean made it clear what he wanted.

Dean could hardly breathe. Just feeling Castiel's gentle touch on his knee was enough to make him feel completely broken inside and the pain was unbearable. He didn't know what he wanted, he just wanted things to be _right. _He longed for the past where they'd been much happier than present, but he was starting to realize they could never have that again. They couldn't ever return to that moment in time when they were happy and innocent and so madly in love with each other that everything felt right. He leaned his head forward and held his face in his hands, trying to block out the world and all the things that made them miserable. "Why... why c-can't we go b-back to a time when we... when.. when we were h-happy?" He choked out between gasping, hysterical sobs that wracked his whole body. He hadn't cried like this in ages, but it had definitely been building up for a while.

Castiel had a lump in his throat so thick he was pretty sure he could choke on it. He held back his tears, refusing to cry in front of Dean this time. It was his turn to be strong. Or at least try. Dean was always there for him. He shouldn't have to expect that from him now. Not after what happened. He moved his hand from Dean's knee and placed it over Dean's ringed hand, cupping his cheek a little in the process. He couldn't answer Dean. To hear him confirm that he was unhappy with him made his biggest nightmares come true. He took away his hand, swallowing thickly as he moved away entirely. "You should go," Castiel said, voice breaking as the words really sunk in. If Dean was unhappy he shouldn't have to live with this. He should just go.

Castiel's hand over his was only a little comforting, and Dean wanted to reach out and entwine their fingers and pull Cas into his arms and pretend everything was okay, but Cas moved away from him dismissively, and his words made Dean's head snap up and he stared wide-eyed at Cas. "What?" He breathed, hoping he'd heard wrong but he knew that's what Cas had said. "You... you want me to leave?"

Castiel looked down at the floor, bowing his head. "You said it yourself," he said, biting his lip to stop a small whimper escaping his throat. He was practically shaking with the effort it took to keep it together. "You're not happy here." His voice was definitely wavering but he pushed through it. "You should go." He voice petered out into nothing on the last word, just a shaky breath, determined not to break down in front of Dean again. Look weak again. Disappoint Dean, again.

Dean took a deep breath to try to calm his aching, sobbing lungs, and after a long moment he could speak almost normally. He stared straight at Cas and turned to face him, tilting Castiel's head up to meet his eyes unwaveringly. "You're right," he murmured, "I'm not happy here." He hesitated and swallowed hard before staring back into Castiel's eyes. "But I'll be a hell of a lot less happy if I leave. I'm gonna stay." He spoke with a hard edge to his voice, determination and loyalty coloring every word.

Castiel felt hollow and guilty as Dean spoke. This was his fault. He made Dean unhappy. He'd made him feel like this. He dipped his head back down, nudging his nose against Dean's arm as he pressed a kiss to the skin. Silently apologizing to Dean for all that he'd done. He didn't know how to make this right. Dean was unhappy and he didn't know what to do to change that. He just wished there was some way to fix that.

Dean bit his lip and watched as Cas tilted his head back down and touched his face to his arm, and Dean felt bad for freaking out on Cas. That was the last thing they needed tonight and Dean was going to fix it no matter what. "Hey, c'mere," he murmured softly, wrapping a gentle arm around Cas and bring the blanket around both of them. He pulled Cas close and held him tenderly, rocking slowly and pressing his lips against Castiel's hairline. "I know it's been a long time and we're both getting discouraged, but we'll get through this. I promise we'll fix things, Cas. We both just need more time."

Castiel didn't protest when Dean brought him under his wing and held him close. He closed his eyes, pressing his cold hand to Dean's chest, feeling the heat radiate off his skin. He could only nod as Dean promised they'd get through this. He'd make it up to Dean. He wasn't sure how but he'd do anything to make him happy again. He managed to stand up, tugging on Dean's hand lightly for him to follow. He got them back to bed and resumed their position so Castiel could curl up against Dean in the warmth of their bed.

Castiel's silence was unnerving and Dean wished he'd say something, but at the same time he was grateful for it. He stood up and walked numbly back to the bedroom on shaky legs, crawling under the covers and curving his body around Cas, both to give and take comfort. He shivered, the sheets cold from being unslept, and closed his eyes, a dull ache settling behind his ribcage. He was exhausted and drained, both physically and emotionally, and he just wanted to sleep.

Castiel remained silent, watching Dean long after the other had fallen asleep. "I wish I could make you happy," Castiel whispered into Dean's hair, listening to the restless breathing patten that Dean produced as he slept. Eventually Castiel fell asleep himself, he felt exhausted and deprived of allowing himself to let his emotions out. He had a huge headache that didn't want to go away and he spent the rest of the morning sleeping restlessly in Dean's arms.

When Dean woke up, he'd lost track of time and didn't even know what day it was, but he knew that he was definitely not going to school if it was a weekday. Cas was still in his arms, curled close to his body, and Dean looked at him with a sad little sigh. He stroked Castiel's sleep-messy hair out of his face and then rubbed his own eyes, feeling swollen and painful and crusted with dry tears. Taking a deep breath, he sat up and carefully untangled himself from Cas to go take a shower. Today was a new day. They were going to get up, get dressed, have breakfast together, and have a talk. No more hiding emotions under the table. It was time to reveal their feelings.

Castiel woke up feeling groggy and tired and cold. He tried huddling closer to Dean but found he wasn't there. He woke up a bit more because of that. He rubbed his eyes, looking around, unable to see Dean. He sat up, hearing the water running and assumed Dean was in the shower. He stretched out his back and groaned, flopping back down on the bed. He checked his phone for the time and grimaced when it was 9:30. There was no way they should be up this early on a Sunday. He rubbed his eyes, checking his twitter and replied to a few messages, anything to take his mind off of last night.

When Dean was done in the bathroom he walked back to the bedroom with a towel around his waist and gave Cas a small smile when he saw he was awake. "Morning," he said, pawing through Castiel's wardrobe to find some clean, comfortable pajamas to wear. It wasn't like they'd be going anywhere today, with the situation between them and the need to figure things out and get back on the right path.

Castiel made an effort to look past his phone and return the small smile. "Morning," he yawned, looking back at his phone as Dean changed. He figured after yesterday he'd want some privacy or something, he wasn't sure. He replied to a few more tweets about his last tweet regarding Dean. It was odd to think that only yesterday he'd posted that, telling everyone how much he loved Dean and how amazing he was. Still true of course but now it just made him sad to think that this beautiful man wasn't happy with him. He lowered his phone to his chest, biting his lip. "Do you want your ring back?" he asked in a soft whisper.

Dean's back was to Castiel as he searched for a tee shirt in the dresser drawers, and Castiel's words made Dean stiffen in shock. He felt as if he'd been slapped in the face. He turned around after a moment and looked at Cas, bewildered. "What the fuck, Cas. No, I don't want the ring back, are you crazy?" He pulled the shirt on and went to sit on the edge of the bed, close to Cas. He grabbed Castiel's left hand and touched the ring carefully. "We're going through a rough patch and things aren't the way they used to be, I'll be the first to admit it. But you better not give up on me, because I sure as hell ain't giving up on you."

Castiel flinched as Dean grabbed his hand, his eyes wide. "I-I'm n-n-not," he stuttered, frightened. He'd said what he thought Dean wanted to hear and that only made him even more upset. "Y-You said..you weren't happy," he whispered, swallowing thickly. "I-I thought.." _you didn't want me anymore. _He shook his head, moving out of Dean's grasp slowly, putting his phone back on the side.

Dean groaned quietly, shaking his head. "No, Cas," he murmured sadly, "That's not what I meant. You can't just give up on me after everything we've been through. I'm not even the same person anymore because of you, Cas. And you're not the same either. We're good for each other, I know it. The only reason we're like this now is because of circumstances out of our control and I know it sucks, but we've got to try to fix this." Dean leaned forward and cupped Castiel's jaw gently, trying to meet his eyes to convey the honesty in what he was about to say. "You are a very complex person, Castiel Novak. You make me so upset and angry and sad, especially when you hate yourself and try to make me hate you. But it doesn't work like that because none of it even matters; you make me feel things I can't even describe, but it's amazing and beautiful and I need you, Cas. No matter what you do to try and push me away, I don't think I'll ever stop loving you."

Castiel's lip quivered as Dean spoke to him, unable to control the muscles in his face. "Oh Dean," he murmured breathlessly, his voice laced with sadness. He pressed his hand over Dean's on his jaw and looked up at Dean properly. "I'm so sorry. I-I-I just want you to be happy," he said honestly. He swallowed thickly, gazing at Dean with watery eyes. "I-I-I love you, too."

Dean smiled shakily at Cas, feeling like crying at the same time. The moment was thick with emotion and it was overwhelming. Dean kissed Castiel's forehead softly and stroked his cheek, looking down at his beautiful face. "Get up and take a shower," Dean instructed gently, "I'm going to make breakfast and then we'll sit down and just talk, alright? You know I'm here for you always."

Castiel could only nod, doing what Dean told him to do. He sat up a bit more and slowly made his way into the bathroom. He spent a long time in there, making himself clean from yesterday and look presentable enough for Dean. He dried his hair and gelled the front before going into their bedroom and pulled out a tartan pair of pyjama bottoms and wore it with a grey tank top. He looked in the mirror, wishing he didn't look so emotionally drained but still, he padded down the stairs to find Dean waiting with breakfast.

Dean smiled reassuringly at Castiel and patted his back as he stood up, and once Cas was in the shower Dean headed downstairs to cook something. He decided to make it simple and go with eggs, bacon and toast. He made coffee, figuring they'd both need it after the lousy night of restless sleep they'd gotten. Dean had everything ready at the kitchen table by the time Cas came downstairs. There was no sign of Jimmy in the house, so that either meant he was still in his room or he'd gone outside for a walk or something, but Dean was relieved because it was just him and Cas now.

Castiel looked over the food, feeling his body relax as the smell hit his nostrils. He hadn't realized how hungry he was until seeing breakfast. He sat down and took a large gulp of coffee, almost burning his tongue in the process but he didn't care. He was thirsty. He took a fork and started digging into the food, humming appreciatively and nodded a little as if to tell Dean the food was good.

Dean began eating too, giving Cas a few minutes before he began talking about the stuff neither of them were looking forward to talking about. When Cas was finished and was sipping on his coffee, Dean set his fork down and picked up both of their plates to put them in the sink to wash later. He walked to the living room, nodding for Cas to follow him, and they sat down on the couch with nothing to distract them but their coffee mugs. "We need to talk about last night," Dean said, because duh. That was pretty obvious, but he didn't know how else to start the conversation.

Castiel finished eating and retired into the living room with Dean. He didn't finish his coffee yet, wanting something to focus on as they spoke and sat in awkward silence on the couch. "I know," Castiel said quietly, almost regrettably. "I shouldn't have done what I did," he said to his coffee mug. "I just..I was so close. I couldn't back out. I just couldn't." He looked guilty as hell for that because in the process he'd managed to hurt the one person he loved more than anything.

Dean looked at Cas thoughtfully and set his coffee down on the table. "You were frustrated," Dean guessed. "What were you thinking about, when we were doing it?" Dean felt like he already knew the answer, it wasn't that hard to guess, but they needed to get it out in the open between them and figure it out.

Castiel dipped his head in shame, unable to look at Dean. "Lucifer," he whispered, a few tears fell into his coffee but Castiel didn't make a sound, not wanting to cause a fuss or make things worse. "How I almost died..the last time someone was inside me." It was a horrible thing to say aloud but it needed to be said. Dean had asked after all. "How..there was so much blood and.." Castiel shook his head, sniffing a little as more tears fell.

Dean reached out and took Castiel's hand, offering gentle support as he revealed his deepest, worst memories. It wasn't easy to listen to and Dean hated hearing Cas in so much pain, but they had to do this if they were going to understand each other. "You could've changed your mind," Dean told him softly, "I would've understood if you'd just told me how you were feeling and didn't want to do it anymore. You shouldn't force yourself into anything, babe."

Castiel shook his head. "I wanted to do it," Castiel insisted, squeezing Dean's hand. He sniffed a little, setting his mug down so he could wipe his tears with his free hand. "I-I wanted to get passed this. I-I feel like I-I could try it again and feel better for it." He was silent for a while, just holding Dean's hand tight. "I just feel like crap because I used you. I wasn't thinkin' straight and I dragged you into this a-and I doubt you'll ever look at me the same again."

Dean squeezed Castiel's hand back and shook his head. "You didn't use me," Dean said, "I don't feel like you were using me. You wanted to try to have sex with me again and we switched roles and it didn't work out. I know you trust me and I'm glad you trusted me enough to try again. But it wasn't the right time, apparently." Dean paused for a moment and looked down at their hands before glancing back up at Cas. "Please don't hurt yourself," he murmured, "I know you want to get past it but you can't exactly rush this, or you'll hurt yourself."

Castiel sniffed, nodding his head a little. "I'm sorry," he whispered, wiping away his tears. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone." He squeezed Dean's hand again, looking down at his lap. "I just wanted to make love again. I wanted to...to feel something." He sighed, leaning heavily against Dean's shoulder, almost burying his face against the skin. "I'm so sorry."

Dean shook his head and pulled Cas close, shifting a little so Castiel's face was tucked into his neck and Dean's arms were around him comfortingly. "It didn't work, did it," Dean said sadly, "It's okay, it'll be alright someday." Dean didn't know how long it was going to take before they were back to their old selves, and he didn't even know if it was possible. "You know I love you know matter what, Cas. I don't care if we can't have sex for a while. Sure, I'm gonna miss it like hell, but what's most important is you and what you mean to me."

Castiel let Dean manoeuvre him until they were in a cuddling position. "I'm sorry," he said again, unsure what else there was for him to say. He just held onto Dean, his tears finally drying as he felt a little better with Dean's comforting words. "Je t'aime, Dean. Plus que la vie elle-même," he mumbled under his breath with a soft sigh. He sat up, stretching a little and shook his head. "I'm gonna go for a run," he said, "Are we..are we good?"

Dean kept holding Cas in his arms and kept him close, and he was relieved when Castiel met his eyes again and looked better, more sure of himself and less afraid. Dean smiled at him a little. "You just took a shower," he said in affectionate amusement, shaking his head slightly. He leaned forward to press a gentle, chaste kiss to Castiel's lips and then smiled at him, tracing his thumb over Castiel's lower lip before backing away. "We're good," he reassured.

Castiel felt uncertain when Dean kissed him but it was a brief moment of contact that was over before Castiel could dwell on it. He nodded a little and went back upstairs, changing his pyjamas for a pair of sweatpants. He put on some running shoes, took his phone and headed out the door. He ran for a good hour before stopping outside the local church. The Sunday service would be starting soon so Castiel took this to his advantage, entering the quiet church for a moment to have a moment alone with God.

He ignored the way Father Beckett looked at him and took a pew, bowing his head and closed his eyes. _Dear God, please give me the strength to see the light again. Find the courage and bravery to see through the day. To cherish life again with the eyes of those with not such a heavy heart. Please God, show me the way. Amen. _Castiel left soon after that, wiping a few tears from his eyes.

Castiel spent the next hour in the graveyard. His usual habit would be to talk to Jimmy. Funny how things change. Even with his brother alive, it'd be a while until he would feel comfortable enough talking to him about this stuff again. So instead, Castiel found himself talking to Mrs Winchester, Dean's mom. "Don't you worry, ma'am. I'm takin' real good care of him. Got myself a well paid job..gonna save up for a place. Give him a home and a family and.." Castiel wasn't sure when the tears fell but he could see the difference in the colour of the soil from where they'd fallen. "And make him happy. I promise."

Three hours since he'd left, Castiel finally came home. His face red from crying and sweating and panting. Basically he was a bit of a mess so headed straight into the bathroom before Dean could see him. That was, if he was still here of course.

Dean didn't get up from the couch after Cas left, and before he knew it he was falling asleep, his mind more relaxed now that Cas had spoken to him and things were more open between them again. He lost track of time and woke up when he heard the front door open, and he sat up to see Cas heading straight upstairs. Dean sighed tiredly and yawned, deciding to finish his nap while Cas was in the shower.

Castiel spent longer than necessary in the shower, making sure he didn't smell of dirt or anything. He was being paranoid but if he was going to tell Dean, it'd be on his own terms. Not because Dean asked. After he dried off, he put his pyjamas back on. The tartan bottoms with a black vest top. He made his hair look nice again, wanting to impress Dean today. Make him feel good. He went back downstairs and found Dean half asleep, he smiled a little, deciding to make them lunch. He brought in a stack of sandwiches later with two sodas and a pack of chips. "Wakey wakey sleepy head," he murmured affectionately. "Come on, gotcha some food."

"Hmm?" Dean mumbled, vaguely aware of sounds coming from the kitchen and then Castiel talking to him. Dean opened his eyes and looked up at Cas and then at the food, and he smiled at him sleepily. "Hey," he greeted, voice scratchy from sleep, "Have a good run?" Dean sat up and stretched and took a sandwich, biting into it gratefully.

Castiel nodded, taking a sandwich of his own and bit into it hungrily. "Yeah," he said, swallowing a bite. "I needed it. I..I feel better for it." He finished two sandwiches before deciding to speak again, clicking open one of the cans of soda. "I..I went to church," he said carefully. "Was actually goin' there to talk to Jimmy but..." He stared at his can for a long time, shaking his head. "Well, you know why that didn't happen," he said with a bitter chuckle. He took a sip of soda and sighed. "So I..I talked to your mom. I don't know why I just..I thought I should talk to her like I did with Jimmy. I mean..she means a lot to you, y'know? I thought..maybe ..talkin' to her would feel the same."

Dean watched Castiel carefully as he chewed his sandwich, and he set it back down on the plate with a slightly trembling hand when Cas mentioned his mom. He swallowed hard and took a sip of soda, his mouth suddenly feeling dry and papery. "You... talked to my mom?" He repeated softly, feeling a combination of longing and warmth spread through him. "Did it help?"

Castiel bit his lip, shrugging a little. "A-A bit," he whispered, setting down his soda. "It's nice to talk to someone who..who can't judge or reply. Just..just listen, y'know? And I wanted to tell her about how you were doing. Make her feel like she's still here..a bit. I don't know." He shook his head. "I hope you don't mind. I-I didn't mean to upset you..I just thought you should know."

Dean shook his head and took another sip of soda. "No no no, it's okay. It's... I'm glad it helped you to talk to her." He shivered a little at the thought of Jimmy's gravestone still being there when he was very much alive and had never been dead in the first place. He thought wistfully of his mother and realized he hadn't gone to visit her grave in a long time and was glad that Cas did.

Castiel nodded a little, biting his lip. He finished his soda before putting it down again and snuggled up to Dean. "Maybe we could go for a run next Sunday?" he suggested softly, stroking Dean's stomach. "When we're both free. We could go talk to her together..if you want?" He wasn't sure what Dean wanted so spoke quietly to make sure he was okay with all of this. It wasn't exactly a topic they discussed often.

Dean nodded and turned to Castiel, their noses brushing as he turned. "Yeah, I think we should do that," he said softly, reaching for Castiel's hand and holding on. "I want to tell her about this," he said, raising their hands to show the rings. "I wish she could be at our wedding. She'd love you so much, Cas."

Castiel squeezed Dean's hand a little, smiling sadly. "I'm sure if she was anything like you, I would have loved her too," Castiel said, pressing a soft kiss to Dean's knuckles. "I'm sorry she can't be there, Dean," he said softly, using his free hand to run through Dean's hair. "But we'll go visit her. We'll put some fresh flowers on her grave and we'll tell her about the day. She can still be a part of it."

Dean smiled a little and nodded, leaning into Castiel's gentle touches. "I can imagine the look on her face, Cas. I just wish I could introduce her to you and see her face when she sees you. She would've loved you, baby. She would've loved you so much." Dean kissed Castiel's cheek and then buried his face in his neck. Dean couldn't help but think that if Mary were still alive they'd both be so much happier. John would be a better father, Sam would've had a mother growing up, and Dean would have someone who understands him and loves him no matter what.

Castiel stroked Dean's hair, kissing his forehead. "I'm sure she would," he said quietly, holding Dean close. He held him for another ten minutes or so in silence before carefully moving Dean away so he could breathe with a gap between them, their arms still loosely wrapped around one another. "Come on, kitten," he murmured with a soft smile. "We've got the rest of the day together. It's only two. What do you want to do today?"

Dean sat back a little and took a deep breath, smiling and relaxing a bit. "Hmm, I don't know," he murmured, rolling his shoulders again. "Wanna go to the cabin and hang out? I think the lake is warm enough to put our feet in now. We can just go out on the dock and sit there, if you want."

Castiel was silent for a while, picking at his fingernails. "I..uh..I don't think I'm comfortable with that," he said under his breath. "I don't wanna go back out there yet. Not after what I did to Jimmy..to myself." He shook his head. "I need a new church," he mumbled as a side note to himself. He didn't exactly feel comfortable going back to church with Father Beckett. Not after what he did. "How about we sit out in the garden? It's nice out there. We can get you a tan, mister."

Dean's smiled faded and he nodded in understanding, squeezing Castiel's arm reassuringly. "Yeah, that's alright. Let's just go hang out in the backyard." Dean stood up and helped Cas to his feet. He wanted Cas to have a good day as well, and he didn't want anything to happen that would make him uncomfortable.

Castiel bit his lip, taking Dean's hand and squeezed it gently. "I'll be out in a minute," he said, going back through the house to go upstairs and get a few cushions. Then he came back down and headed outside to find Dean under a tree. He gave Dean a cushion and used his own to wedge between himself and Dean so he could sit between his legs and feel comfortable. "This okay, love?" he asked with a small smile.

Dean headed outside and sat down beneath the old tree in their backyard. It was warm and sunny outside, and he felt lazy and comfortable. Then Cas came outside and gave him a cushion, which he took and sat on gratefully. When Cas settled between his legs, Dean gently pulled him back against his chest and rested his chin on Castiel's shoulder. "Yeah," he said softly, kissing Castiel's ear. "This is nice."

Castiel smiled, closing his eyes as he listened to the birds whistling contently in the trees in the distance. He started humming _pocket full of sunshine _contently to himself. This was nice. Just lazing around with Dean and pretending like they didn't have a million and one problems to deal with. The main one being the trial in just under a weeks time. He'd rather go to work but Crowley was his boss and would make sure he went to the trial, seeing as he was taking the day off to be there too.

Dean smiled and turned his face up to the sunshine, content to just sit there with Cas and be completely relaxed and comfortable. The school year was almost over and they had so much to look forward to and so much to dread still, with the trail being at the top of the list, but after that was over things would go much more smoothly and there'd be so much less stress. If they won the trial, that is.

Castiel sighed, slowly falling asleep in Dean's arms. He was tired from his long run and the emotional talk this morning with both Dean and his mom. He jolted awake about half an hour later, looking around him worryingly. He hadn't realized he'd fallen asleep and he'd forgotten they'd come out into the backyard so it was a little startling to say the least. His eyes widened when he saw Jimmy sitting cross legged across from him, a butterfly on his finger. As he observed it curiously. "Times a runnin' out, kiddo," came a voice from Jimmy's mouth. Eerily familiar but not his twin's. "What?" he asked, eyes wide with fear. "I-I said, w-would y-you like me to make us all dinner?" Jimmy said again, his voice back to normal and apparently saying something completely different to what he had heard. Castiel could only nod, shaking his head after as if to fix his hearing.

Dean stayed awake but closed his eyes and tilted his face up to catch the sun, enjoying the warmth of it on his skin. He sensed that Cas had fallen asleep after a few minutes, and he kept still so not to wake him. Cas hadn't slept well either and he'd gone running all morning, and Dean didn't want to disturb him. He was startled out of his daze when Cas suddenly jolted awake, and Dean looked down at him in confusion, opening his eyes. He was surprised to see Jimmy there, not having heard him approach, and Dean looked back down at Cas and what he saw in his eyes was frightening. Cas looked terrified, and he was staring at his twin with wide eyes and his entire body had tensed.

Castiel just stared at Jimmy as he timidly walked back into the house to make dinner, oblivious to his brother's behaviour. He swallowed thickly, hesitating to turn around. Scared of what he might find. He relaxed a little when Dean seemed like himself. He let out a small breath in relief and pressed a hand over his chest, feeling his heart pound against his chest. What the hell was wrong with him? He closed his eyes, whimpering as he dry swallowed, feeling his skin crawl at the way Dean was holding him. He moved away, needed the air his skin was refusing to breathe. He felt trapped in his own body and began panting tightly. He was loosing it. Full on loosing it.

Dean watched in concern as Cas moved away quickly and whimpered slightly, and the way Castiel's breath was coming in quick gasps and he began shaking was really worrying. Dean stood up, not taking his eyes off Cas, but didn't move closer to him. He felt like he was trying to calm a spooked animal, because Cas looked like something was very wrong. "Cas," Dean murmured, and then bit his lip. "Cas, tell me what's wrong."

Castiel looked up at Dean, wide eyed as he noticed just behind him Lucifer leaning against a tree, looking down at him with a sadistic smirk. "Cas. Baby, you're yanking my chain here. Don't let muscles over here run the shots. Tell him to hit the road," Lucifer said casually, crossing his arms. Castiel shook his head, watching him worryingly. Lucifer didn't look pleased, rolling his eyes tiredly. "Get rid of him. Let me and you have a little fun." Castiel shook his head again, scampering away from Lucifer and away from Dean. "No."

Dean frowned in confusion when Cas just stared at him with wide, terrified eyes and crawled away from him quickly. Then he noticed Cas wasn't looking directly at him, more behind him, and he turned around slowly to see if there was someone back there but there was nothing but trees and the wide, scraggly lawn behind their house. Dean quickly turned back to Cas, feeling his heart skip a few beats at the look of absolute fear in his eyes. "Cas, it's just me!" He said in a quiet voice, "There's nobody else there, it's just me."

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Castiel demanded, yelling at Lucifer and watched as he disappeared with a huge smirk on his face. "Four days," the eldest Novak sung happily as his image vanished into the clouds. Castiel let out a low sob, hiding his face in the grass and curled into the fetal position with his legs tucked under his chin.

Dean flinched when Cas suddenly screamed, and he automatically whirled around to check behind him again, scanning the yard, but there was nobody there. It was a beautiful sunny day and there was nothing wrong with the picture except the boy curled up on the ground, trembling in fear with his face hidden in the green grass. Dean ran forward and dropped to his knees beside him, but he hesitated to touch him. "Cas?" He murmured gently, not getting to close. He didn't want to make Cas even more panicked. Dean assumed Cas had been seeing Lucifer, and the fact that he was seeing things that weren't there was very worrying.

Castiel let out another small sob which petered out into a whimper, he dry swallowed the thick lump in his throat and dared to look up through clumped eyelashes, wet from crying. "Is he gone?" he asked, voice small and terrified. He'd seen Lucifer disappear but he wanted to ask and make sure. He wanted to be safe. He wanted them all to be safe.

Dean sighed in slight relief when Cas looked up and appeared to be out of his hallucination state, and Dean moved a little closer and rested a hand on Castiel's shoulder, rubbing comfortingly. "He was never here, Cas. It wasn't real, I promise. You're safe. Lucifer is in prison right now and I'm sure he's being closely watched." Dean moved his hand to the back of Castiel's neck and gently massaged the skin there with his thumb. "He can't hurt you anymore, Cas."

Castiel broke out into tears as Dean gently reached out for him. He clambered upright so he could practically throw himself at Dean, his arms wrapping tightly around his neck and his legs around Dean's waist so Dean couldn't let go of him. "Promise?" he said, sobbing into Dean's neck as he clung to him for dear life, afraid if he let go, Lucifer would get him or Dean and never bring them back.

Dean caught Castiel and gathered him up, holding him close and safe in his arms as Cas pretty much crawled into his lap, wrapping both arms and legs around him and squeezing tight. Dean rested one hand on the back of Castiel's head and stroked his fingers through his hair, feeling a tight pain in his chest for Cas. "I promise," he reassured, murmuring softly into Castiel's hair. "Baby, you're safe now and he's never going to touch you again."

Castiel allowed himself to relax a little in Dean's arms. Dean's neck now sticky from his tears. He took Dean's sleeve and tried to wipe away the mess he'd left with a sheepish expression. "Just never let go," he whispered, wrapping his arms around Dean's middle instead so he could lean against his shoulder. His cheek squished against his collarbone. "Keep me safe. Promise me."

Dean's heart broke at Castiel's whimpering, defeated plea, and he pulled him closer, rubbing the back of his neck gently to help him relax. Castiel's head was tucked under his chin and against his chest, and Dean pressed his lips to the top of Castiel's head. "I won't let go," he whispered back, "And I'll always keep you safe. I promise, Cas." Dean kissed him gently on the temple and stroked his hair back behind his ear a little bit. "I've got you, baby. You're alright."

Castiel deflated under Dean's touch, becoming submissive again as Dean promised to protect him. He nuzzled at his neck, letting out a shuddery breath as his crying seized. "C-Can we go back inside?" he asked quietly, biting his lip. He didn't like being out here. Exposed and vulnerable for the world to see. "Tell Jimmy I don't want any dinner. I-I can't- I'm not hungry."

Dean backed away just enough to look at Cas and gauge his expression, and he nodded. Cas clearly needed Dean to guide him through this right now, because he looked lost and in shock. "Yes, let's go back inside and get you settled down somewhere comfortable." Dean wanted to pamper Cas and make him feel better if possible, give him love and gentleness and anything to make Cas stop being scared. Dean stood up and offered his hands to Castiel to help him stand up.

Castiel took Dean's hand, refusing to let go of it even once they'd gotten inside. He sat down on the couch with Dean, clutching his hand still in an attempt to keep him close. Despite Dean's promises to keep him safe. Castiel whimpered a little to himself, on edge, he kept looking around in an attempt to keep Lucifer at bay. Making sure he couldn't sneak up on them. "Sweetheart, where's my knife?" he whispered, not really paying attention to Dean at all. Appearing all too casual. "I need my knife. Where did you hide it?"

Dean held Castiel's hand tightly and sat on the couch close beside him. Although Cas had seemed a little less frightened, he was still clearly not alright and Dean was growing more and more worried. "Cas, look at me," he ordered gently, "Lucifer is not here. I promise you he's not here and there's no possible way for him to be here. He's in your head, Cas. He can't hurt you." When Cas asked for the knife, Dean stiffened and looked at him sharply. "It's hidden," he said to Cas tightly, remembering the damage that knife had caused. "You don't need it. I'm not giving you a knife when you're like this, babe."

Castiel shook his head, squeezing Dean's hand harder. "I need it," he insisted, still sounding eerily calm. "He's under my skin. I can feel it. I need to get him out." He let go of Dean's hand, beginning to itch at his arms as he continued to look around. "He's here. I know he is!" He was beginning to sound hysterical and Castiel didn't even feel like himself anymore. It felt like some out of body experience. "I gotta get out of here," he mumbled, standing up on wobbly legs as he continued to scratch his arms and torso, feeling like the sick fuck was trapped inside of him.

Dean stared wide-eyed at Cas and moved to stand up when he started lurching spastically around the room, looking as if he were trying to claw his own skin off. He walked over to Cas and caught both of his wrists. "Cas, look at me," he insisted firmly, tugging Castiel's hands down to his sides and just trying to meet his eyes and calm him down. "You're panicking and you're imagining things, nothing is happening to you except what you're doing to yourself."

Castiel's focus snapped to Dean when the other caught his wrists. He tried to wiggle out of his grasp, grimacing in annoyance at just how strong Dean was. "Damn it, let me go!" he insisted, whimpering a little. "I gotta get him out," he said again, sitting on the floor suddenly so the sudden weight would put Dean off balance so he could retrieve his hands again. He sat on them so Dean couldn't take them as he shuffled backwards and away from Dean. He stood behind the dining table so Dean couldn't get him. "I need to get him out, Dean. I need my knife. Don't you get that? He's trapped in here." He tapped his forehead thrice before pointing a shaky finger at Dean, uncurling his fingers into an expectant hand. "Give me it, Dean. I promise. One cut and this'll all be over, sweetheart. Just give me my knife."

There was a brief, quiet struggle as Castiel tried to tug his hands out of Dean's strong grip, and he nearly tripped over Cas and went toppling over him as he suddenly dropped to the ground and began wriggling away from him, putting the dining room table between them. Dean stood on the opposite side of the table, heart pounding and prepared to dash to either side to grab Cas and try to talk some sense into him. He shook his head, tensed and ready to chase after Cas and hold him back from getting a knife. "I can't let you do that, Cas. You're already hurting enough, it won't help. Please don't do this, Cas."

Castiel shook his head. "Come now, love. Don't be a prude. Just give me the knife and this'll all be over," he said calmly, taking a step to the left and then to the right to see if Dean would follow his movements. "I-I need it," he insisted, getting hysterical. "I just need to know what's real. Pain. Is real. Now give me the fucking knife before I start getting creative."

Dean shifted his weight and tried to gauge where Cas would run to and try to tackle him down if necessary, but they were roughly the same size and strength and things could get ugly. But one thing was certain, Dean was not going to let Cas cut himself again. They were done with that and Dean didn't want Cas to fall back into that dangerous habit. Although he was terrified, Dean hardened his expression and shook his head. "No." he said, "I'm not going to just give you a way to hurt yourself."

Castiel's jaw tightened, hands clenched by his side. "Fine," he gritted out. Angry Dean couldn't understand what he was going through. He'd done it himself once before. He should understand that urge. That need to be in pain. He picked up a glass from the table, slamming it down against the surface with the palm of his hand, groaning satisfactorily as the glass sliced through his hand, icing the blood over the clear glass. He picked up one of the large pieces, holding it in his clean hand and held it shakily against his wrist.

Dean reacted quickly, jumping on the table and scrambling across it to get to Cas and knock him to the ground. He got cut by broken glass in the process and grunted in pain but ignored it. He'd gotten to Cas before he could slit his wrist, but his hands were already bleeding and Cas was still clutching the glass tightly in his bloody, cut up hand. Dean grabbed Castiel's wrist with both hands and struggled with him, and they ended up rolling around on the ground like wild animals. "Dammit, Cas!" Dean yelled, throat sore and tears welling in his eyes, "Stop it! Just stop!"

Castiel grunted as Dean suddenly jumped him. His head hit the back of the wall when they landed on the ground and Castiel groaned a little, trying to recover from the sudden movement. "Get away from me," he growled, pushing Dean away but Dean was persistent. They rolled around. Glass and blood everywhere. "No!" he yelled back, oblivious to Dean's tears. If he had noticed. He might have stopped. "I need this. Why won't you give me this?!" He was getting more and more wound up about this. The fact that Dean wouldn't let him seek comfort in an old friend. Wouldn't let him feel normality again. He managed to get on top of Dean so he could scramble to sitting position so Dean couldn't move them. He was panting harshly, gripping hold of Dean's wrists so he couldn't grab for him. "Get the fuck out of my house," he growled, low and angrily but all the same, eerily calm.

Dean fought and struggled but Castiel got the best of him and pinned him to the ground, sitting heavily on his stomach and holding his wrists above his head. They were both bleeding and bruised, breathing hard, and Castiel's eyes looked wild and rabid. Dean barely recognized him, he'd never seen Cas look like this and it scared him, but all he could do was lay there and stare up at Cas defiantly. "Do you really want to hurt me, Cas?" He murmured coldly, "Because if you do you're no better than Lucifer."

That caused Castiel's grip to tighten. Sort of proving Dean's point but he was angry. He wasn't thinking straight. "Don't you dare. Don't you dare compare me to him!" he spat angrily, hot tears rolled down his cheeks. "I am nothing like him! He made me what I am. Just a scared little boy who was too afraid to call for help. Until you came along. With your fucking freckles and smug-ass smile." Castiel laughed bitterly, shaking his head. "You're afraid of me hurting you?" he continued to laugh. "You've hurt me more than Lucifer ever could! D'ya know why?" Castiel was sobbing more than laughing now. "Because you make me believe like its my fault."

Dean gritted his teeth and struggled violently until he managed to get one hand free, catching Castiel by surprise, and he slapped him hard on the cheek, leaving a bright red mark. He took advantage of Castiel's surprise and kicked him off, wriggling out from under him and wrestling him to the ground so Cas was facedown and Dean's knee was between Castiel's shoulderblades, his arms wrenched behind his back. Dean didn't know how he managed to get them in this position and he knew he probably wouldn't be able to hold it for long, but he needed Cas to stop this. "Cas, you need help," Dean cried, his voice breaking with tears, but he didn't loosen his grip. "You need some serious help. I've tried to reach you and I thought it was working but I was wrong." Dean's eyes overflowed with his tears, falling on the back of Castiel's head. He inhaled sharply and sobbed. "Please, Cas. I don't want to hurt you and I don't want you to hurt yourself anymore." He tilted his head forward so his forehead brushed against Castiel's hair, sobbing quietly. "Don't make me call the police, baby. Please, just stop this."

Castiel loosened his grip on Dean's wrists as he slapped him. He'd actually slapped him. He couldn't believe it. "Get off of me," he grunted as Dean pushed his face into the floor and sat on top of him. He wriggled around but the knee on his back was making it hard to move. "You'd call the cops on me?" he asked, laughing in disbelief. Was this seriously happening? What happened to the supportive and loving Dean he knew as his fiancé. "You'd lock me up? Like that animal that made me like this?!" He wriggled enough to get a hand free enough to try slapping and punching Dean away but it wasn't really working given the position he was in. "Let me go," he demanded, panting through ragged sobs.

Dean's eyes were blurred and stinging with tears as Cas struggled ineffectively, and he found it hard to breathe. He choked out a breathless sob from aching lungs and just tightened his grip on Castiel's arms, keeping them folded against Castiel's back and then he leaned his weight forward, resting his forehead against Castiel's temple as the side of his face was pressed to the carpet. "I'm here," he sobbed, closing his eyes and letting his tears fall down on Castiel's face. "I'm not gonna leave you. Please, Cas, You don't have to be like this, it's not you. It's not who you are." He didn't relax his grip on Castiel's arms despite the discomfort they were both in, and he kept his forehead against Castiel's temple, panting and trembling.

Castiel felt Dean press his forehead against the side of his head. Their skin sticky with blood and tears. He slumped heavily against the floor, letting Dean just keep him pinned. He didn't bother trying to fight anymore. It was clear Dean was just as stubborn as he was. "Okay," he said quietly, not bothering to try and tilt his head or anything. "I'll stop. I'm sorry."

Dean sighed shakily and didn't move, keeping them in that position for a lingering moment. He bit back some more sobs and tried to regulate his breathing, and he could feel Castiel's body relax in defeat below him. He very slowly loosened his grip on Castiel's arms and raised his head up to look at him, shifting his weight off Cas a little so he wasn't crushing him. He bit his lip at the small cuts on Castiel's face from all the broken glass. There was blood smeared all over them and Dean didn't know whose was whose. "I'm sorry," he whispered, looking around at the mess. "Cas, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Castiel didn't listen to what Dean said, he felt Dean loosen his grip and he took his chance, elbowing Dean in the face as he scrambled up to his feet, running up the stairs. He fell on the last step, his body trembling and aching from the loss of blood. His arms felt stiff from the way Dean had held him in place but that didn't matter right now. He made it to the bathroom and locked the door behind him, sinking to the floor with a relieved sigh. He was safe now. Away from them all.

Dean cried out in surprise and pain when Cas took advantage of Dean's withdrawal and elbowed him right in the mouth, and Dean heard a distinct snap and his entire head throbbed. He lost his balance and fell hard on the floor, forcing himself to fight the pain of whatever had broken in his face and he struggled to reach for Cas, but blood was pouring out of his nose and mouth and Cas got away and ran upstairs. Dean collapsed against the floor, squeezing his eyes shut and giving up. He was crying and couldn't get enough air into his contracted lungs, tears mixing with blood. He brought a hand up to his mouth and when he brought it away there was a tooth lying in puddle of blood and spit in the palm of his hand, and he closed his fist around it and groaned in pain and curled up on his side, pushing himself up to his knees. He could barely stay upright but he knew he needed to get to Cas and stop him from doing something even worse. But he was dizzy and felt sick with pain and he could barely see, so he stayed on the floor, spitting out blood, and took his phone out of his pocket. He felt like he was dreaming; just minutes ago they'd been sitting outside and enjoying each other's company and suddenly everything had gone to hell. He shakily dialed the emergency number and called for an ambulance and police. "911, what's your emergency?" The woman said, her tone practiced and professional. Dean spit out another mouthful of blood and swallowed hard, still choking for air and sobbing. "My boyfriend," he choked out, his voice slurred by the swollen mouth and missing tooth. "He's mentally ill and he just... he just lost it and he was... he- he was hallucinating and he attacked me and there's broken glass..." Dean gasped out, his breath turning panicked and hysterical. The woman on the other end spoke up loudly to get his attention. "Honey, take a deep breath. Are you badly hurt?" Dean sobbed again. "Kinda," he managed, "He-he... it's not his fault, he's sick. He's sick! Please just send someone out here and help him, I'm afraid..." He raised a shaking, bloody hand to his mangled mouth and gasped for air, fear and panic overcoming him and making him whimper and sob. "I-I'm afraid he might kill himself," he admitted, his voice strangled and wavering. The woman hushed him. "Tell me the address and we'll send someone over right away." Dean quickly told her the address and the woman dispatched an emergency response. "Hang in there, sweetie, emergency responders are on their way. It'll be a few minutes." Dean thanked her and dropped the phone on the ground, the pain of his smashed face crippling and making him dizzy.

Castiel rocked himself back and forth, hitting his head against the door with each swing. He was getting light headed and would soon pass out if he wasn't careful. He needed to do more damage before he could let that happen. His body was aching and bruised all over. There was blood all over his hands, even some glass still stuck in the skin but he didn't care. His face was covered in blood and tears, making him barely recognisable when he tried to pick out any identifying features when he looked up in the mirror. His hands trembling as he held onto the side of the sink for support. Blood smearing against the clean porcelain. He couldn't recognise himself. All he could see was Lucifer grinning back at him. Not Lucifer's appearance but the way Castiel's own smile curled bitterly looked like his elder brother's. Even his eyes possessed this crazed expression that made Castiel double-take. He could heard people downstairs. Voices that weren't Dean's or Jimmy's. "Son of a bitch," he whispered under his breath. He'd done it. He'd actually called the cops. "Better hurry up there, sweetheart," Lucifer's voice came. His head snapped around to see his elder brother sat in the bathtub, legs dangling over the side as he picked at his fingernails. "Times a runnin' out." Castiel felt his heart stop, he pressed his hand to his chest, finding it hard to breathe. Each breath became more suffocated and shorter as he dragged himself into a panic attack, hands fumbling frustratedly for a razor blade or pills or something to make the pain go away.

Barely five minutes passed before Dean could hear sirens approaching, and he whimpered in relief and pushed himself to a sitting position, holding a hand to his bleeding, painful face. He didn't know where the blood was coming from but there was a lot of it, and his tongue prodded at the empty spot where his front upper tooth had been, and everything tasted like blood and salt. Soon the door was thrown open and an armed police officer entered the house and came into the dining room. He spotted Dean and then spoke into his radio, and a team of paramedics entered the house and surrounded Dean. Two more police officers came in, holding their guns ready. They searched the downstairs and then headed upstairs, and Dean craned his head to the side and ignored whatever the paramedics were saying, and he started sobbing again when he heard a door crash open and voices yelling, thuds and crashes of a fight. One of the paramedics was stuffing a thick piece of gauze in his mouth, and then someone tapped his shoulder to get his attention. "Your nose is broken," said the brisk voice of the young man leaning over him, his mouth and nose covered by a mask. Gloved hands were on Dean's face, and he whimpered weakly around the gauze. "I'm going to set the bone. It's going to hurt," he warned, and instructed the woman on Dean's other side to hold him still, and then Dean screamed in pain as the bones in his face shifted and scraped together before snapping back in place, and he felt like throwing up. He couldn't see and he couldn't breathe through his swollen nose and the gauze in his mouth, but then he was being picked up and moved onto a stretcher, his head swimming as he was moved to the ambulance. He was vaguely aware of the paramedics talking briskly and businesslike, but he couldn't concentrate on what they were saying. His head throbbed and before he was even in the ambulance everything went to black and he sank gratefully into the dark.

Castiel didn't make it in time. He had the razor in his hand but he was fumbling to get the blade out when two police officers broke down the door, causing him flinch and take cover under the sink. One of them spoke into the radio. "Let the other go. We found him." Other? Oh God. Jimmy. "You leave my brother alone!" he snapped as the other officer came towards him. Despite their protests for him to calm down. Castiel went crazy, clawing at them whenever they tried to get near him. He managed to push one in the bathtub and make for the door when the other caught him in a vice grip. Castiel's arms and legs flailed as he struggled in the man's grip as he was carried downstairs. He saw Jimmy being comforted in the kitchen by a paramedic but he was curled up and refusing to talk to her, trying to keep out of her grasp. "He has autism. Stop touching him," Csatiel called out, managing to kick the officer in the crotch so he could run towards Jimmy, batting the woman's hand away. "Don't touch him!" He grunted as the officers came back on him, grabbing his arms and legs and took him outside. "Get off of me!" He was put in the ambulance and strapped down next to Dean. "What did you do to him?!" he asked in horror, failing to recognise that he did all that to Dean. "What have you done?!" Again, Castiel struggled against the restraints and had to be sedated. Everything went black and Castiel welcomed the numbness and darkness as he was dragged back under.

When Dean woke up, he squinted up at the ceiling in confusion, the lights hurting his eyes. He couldn't see anything except white, but eventually shapes blurred and moved across his vision and muffled sounds filled his ears. It was familiar and comforting, and the shapes slowly got more clear and his eyes could focus better. His mouth felt dry and papery, and he experimentally opened his jaw and closed it again, and there was a dull pain in his face when he moved but it felt mostly numb. The room was spinning and he felt like he was going to be sick, and he turned his head to the side and groaned as a wave of nausea and dizziness hit him. A nurse was at his side in a moment and spoke softly to him, gently touching his shoulder to get his attention, but he couldn't focus on what she was saying. The gauze was removed from his mouth after a moment, and he was suddenly overcome with the need to throw up. He whimpered a little and put a hand on his stomach, and the nurse seemed to understand and carefully helped him raise his head up and tilt it to the side a little so he could throw up into a tray she held. Dean vomited all the contents of his stomach and then collapsed against the flat pillow again, whimpering unhappily. He closed his eyes again and the nurse pressed a cold cloth to his aching head and he was out again, sinking blissfully into the dark where there was no pain.

Castiel woke up in a similar state. The florescent light burning his eyes as he squinted them open as he awoke drowsily, the sedative wearing off. His throat dry, making it hard to swallow. His hands bandaged as well as a large portion of his face to keep the cuts clean from infection. That wasn't all he noticed. He'd lifted his hand up to check his injuries, only to be restricted in his movement. He tried again, the force of which made the restraints cut into his arm, making indentations. He was bound around the ankles and wrists and that's when he began to panic. He was having flashbacks again. Lucifer crawling over him in his helpless state, kissing at the broken skin as he lapped up the blood with his tongue. "Please!" he cried out, trying to get anyone's attention but to them, he wasn't the victim. They didn't care. He couldn't be bound like this. It was too much. He flailed in the bed as much as he could, thrashing in fear as he saw Lucifer sitting in the vacant chair in the corner of the room. It wasn't long until the nurses came in and sedated him again. This time with a larger dosage that would have him out for days.

Dean woke up again feeling a little better, and the first thing he felt was an overwhelming thirst. He was in more pain than before but he didn't feel sick, just achingly thirsty and miserable. There was no gauze in his mouth anymore but his lips were cracked and chapped. His face hurt badly and he couldn't breathe through his nose, and his head throbbed steadily. He pushed himself up a little and looked around the room. He'd been put in a hospital room by himself and had no roomate, the bed beside him empty. He thought of Cas and wondered where he was and what had happened, because he didn't remember anything after calling the cops. There was a glass of water on the table beside the bed and Dean reached for it weakly and raised it to his lips. It stung badly when the water washed over his split lip and painful gum where his tooth had been knocked out by Castiel's elbow. He couldn't see the clock from his bed and he'd lost track of time and didn't know how long he'd been out for.

Castiel was unsure how longer he'd been out. He was certain it'd been a day at the least seeing the change in whether outside. There was an officer sat in the empty chair staring at him tiredly. Castiel tilted his head to keep looking out the window. The officer spent a good hour trying to get him to talk. To get him to answer his questions but Castiel remained quiet. He was bound and exposed just like Lucifer had wanted him. He was being forced to relive his worst nightmare and he refused to say anything until he saw Dean.

As soon as a nurse came in to check on him, Dean struggled to a sitting position and tried to look better than he felt. He needed to find Cas and convince the nurse he was okay enough to walk around on his own and see Cas. "How are you feeling this evening, Dean?" The motherly nurse said. She was carrying a tray of soft, bland-looking foods for his dinner and his stomach rumbled slightly. She set the tray down on the table beside him. "Are you feeling well enough to eat something? It's been nearly 24 hours since you last woke up." Dean nodded and experimentally moved his tongue around in his mouth, carefully prodding at the hole where his tooth had been. "My tooth's gone," he told the nurse unnecessarily, his voice rough from disuse and slurred around his swollen face. He needed to pee and he wanted to see how badly his face was messed up, because it still felt mostly numb. The nurse nodded sadly and shrugged. "We'll send you to a dentist to get it looked at," she told him, and dean nodded in acceptance. He probably looked like shit, and he wanted to see Cas. Wanted to see Castiel's reaction to what he'd done to Dean. Maybe it would knock him back to his senses, he thought sadly. He wasn't even angry at Cas, he was just sad and tired. He didn't know what to do anymore and Cas needed more help than Dean could offer. "Can I thee Cath?" he asked, lisping around his numb, swollen lips. The nurse tilted her head and frowned in confusion before saying, "Cas? That the boy who came in with you?" Dean nodded and looked at her pleadingly. "Pleathe, I theel a lot be-er. Ith he okay?"

"I'll ask again," the officer said, patience wearing thin. "Why did you hurt your boyfriend?" This was the seventh time the officer had asked and Castiel still refused to answer. Looking out of the window as he silent told himself to remain strong until the man left. He didn't want to cry in front of another stranger. They'd bound him to a bed. He looked weak enough. They'd tied him to a fucking bed. Did they not know what he'd been through?! He just wanted to see Dean. See Jimmy. Anyone that understood what he was going through. Because Castiel sure didn't. He barely remembered anything after breaking down in Dean's arms in the backyard. He needed to know what had happened. And why the cops kept telling him he'd hurt Dean.

The nurse's expression went guarded and Dean leaned forward a little bit, wanting her to answer his questions. She sighed slowly and put her hands on her hips, looking at him thoughtfully. "Cas is in the high-security psychiatric ward at the moment," she said, and Dean's eyes widened. Had it really been bad enough that they'd needed to lock him up? Dean didn't know what happened after he called the cops and he really hoped Cas hadn't hurt himself or anyone else. "I need to thee him," he insisted, "Pleathe." He gave the nurse his best puppy eyes, learned from Sam, and hoped that she'd take pity on him and give him what he wanted. She sighed and nodded, smiling at him sadly as she pulled the wheelchair over. Dean wasn't hooked up to IVs, to his relief, and he carefully moved himself into the wheelchair, feeling dizzy as he moved. The nurse wheeled him out of the room and down the hall, through a heavy double door that beeped when the nurse swiped a key card, and down another hallway. She stopped in front of a room and swiped her key card again, allowing the thick metal door to open. She poked her head inside and murmured something to the policeman, and then she opened the door wider and pushed Dean inside the room. Dean leaned forward in the wheelchair, wishing he could get out and walk but he didn't trust his feet to keep him up. Cas was strapped to a bed, pale and haggard. His bloody clothes were gone and, like Dean, he was wearing white hospital scrubs and socks. "Hey, Cath," he murmured, trying to meet the other boy's eyes as he wheeled himself closer to the bed. The nurse and the policeman watched quietly from the doorway, giving them space.

He could hear the officer being pulled away by a female voice but he could still feel his presence. Those eyes watching his every move. That's when he heard it. What sounded like a six year old Dean sat beside him. Great. Now he was imagining things. Less violent things. But still hallucinations nonetheless. At least he thought they were until he rolled his head to the other side of the pillow to meet Dean's eyes. Castiel let out a low sob which caught in his throat. His eyes moved away from Dean's immediately, unable to look at him. He looked like he'd taken a few rounds with a vicious animal. His skin bruised and cut. His nose looked out of place, slightly and the majority of his face was swollen and red. He shook his head, trying not to cry. "No," he whispered, the word coming out as more of a broken sound than anything. "Please. Tell me I didn't do that," he said, looking away from Dean, disgusted with himself. Maybe he did deserve to be locked up. To do something so sick to the one he loved.

Dean was glad Castiel looked away from him. He still hadn't gone to the bathroom, but he could wait. He just needed to see Cas first, that was the more pressing issue. He hadn't even seen his own face yet, but he pushed those thoughts aside and focused on Cas. He wheeled himself a little closer and hesitantly touched Castiel's hand as the other turned away from him, refusing to look at the damage he'd done. "You did it," he slurred quietly, "Cath, are you okay? Do you remember what ha-enned?" Dean felt like crying, seeing Cas like this, defeated and tied down to a hospital bed like a rabid animal, but it was for the best.

Castiel shook his head, letting a few tears slide down his pale, bruised cheeks. "No," he said, answering both questions. "I-I can't..I don't know what happened." He looked down at his tied hands and let out a small sob when Dean carefully held one in his own. "I-I'm so scared, Dean. Please. You've gotta get me out of these restraints. I-I-I can't take it," he whimpered, looking up at Dean with watery eyes. "They don't know what happened. I can't be tied up l-l-like this, Dean. I'm so afraid he might.." He started crying again, unable to look at Dean for much longer. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Dean looked at Cas sadly and squeezed his hand, avoiding the bandages. "I'm thorry too, baby," he whispered, eyes filling with tears. "But I don't know if they can thake you ouh of the rethrainths. You tried to cuth yourthelth with broken glath and beat me up pretty bad. Don't know what happened after that," Dean carefully touched his own swollen lip, glad it was still mostly numb. He lowered his hand again and scooted a little closer to the bed. "I think everyone ith afraid you're going to hurt yourthelth again, Cath. Thith ith for your own good."

Castiel shook his head, tears welling in his eyes and spilling down his cheeks. "Please," he begged softly. "Dean, I can't be tied up like this. I'm havin' fucking flashbacks here. You can't leave me like this. Please." He sobbed sadly, pressing his head back into the pillow as he tried to focus on his breathing. He shook his head again, biting his lower lip. "This isn't for my own good. You're making me relive my worst nightmares. Don't you get that?"

Dean sighed and shook his head, uncertain what to do. Cas was crying and Dean wanted to give in and set him free, but when he'd done that back at the house Cas had knocked him back and taken the chance to run away. Not that Dean didn't trust Cas, but he was a little wary after that and didn't want to risk it again because clearly Cas was more mentally unstable than he'd known. Finally Dean sagged in defeat and unbuckled the straps on Castiel's hands, but he left the rest of the straps alone. Even if Cas sat up, the buckles were out of reach on the lower ones, almost underneath the bed and attached to the bed so they couldn't be loosened. Castiel's arms were free but he wouldn't be able to reach the straps on his waist and legs, and Dean refused to unbuckle those ones too.

For a moment, Castiel was sure Dean wasn't going to help him. On top of everything that would have been adding insult to injury. He just wanted to get better and feel free instead of relive his past. He gasped in relief as Dean untied his hands. He hadn't untied any of the others but for now it was enough. He needed to show Dean he could trust him again. He could see the office in the window keeping a stern eye on him but he tried not to worry about. "Thank you," he whispered, sniffing a little as he dried his tears. He had a drip in his left arm, keeping him fairly drugged up so he didn't try escaping again. Not that he felt like it. He just wanted to go home and sleep. He held his hand up carefully, ghosting a fingertip over Dean's lip. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, on the verge of crying again. "I don't remember doing this. I would never- oh God."

Dean sniffed painfully through his broken nose and captured Castiel's hand in his own, lowering it back to the bed and holding it gently. He studied Castiel's face and saw true regret and horror there, and it was a relief to Dean that at least Cas understood what he'd done. "You need thome help," he told him gently, "You're thsick and I'm really worried abouth you. It'th worsth than I thoughth and I don't care whath you thay, I'm gonna find you a good psthyciatric docthor and geth you help."

Castiel went absolutely pale at Dean's words. It was hard not to feel sick at the way Dean lisped. He made him do that. He shook his head, clutching Dean's hand. "Please. Anything. Just promise me. Promise me you won't sent me to a hospital. Not like Jimmy. I can't go through that again, Dean. I'll do anything you want. Just don't send me there. Please."

A few tears spilled from Dean's eyes and he looked away from Cas, unable to look at the pain and fear in those wide blue eyes. "I'm thorry," he whispered, "I can't let you live like thith anymore. You're dangerouth to yourthelth and otherth, Cath. I don't want you to get hurt." Dean could hardly bare to look at Castiel. Although he knew it was the right thing, he felt like he was betraying him. Dean sighed in defeat and squeezed Castiel's hand again. "I think the court ith gonna make you go to therapy anywayth when they findth outh abouh thith." Dean didn't want to say it, but the case was doomed. Once it got out what Cas had done to Dean and tried to do to himself, there would be no evidence to help Castiel's case. Suddenly, Dean jolted upright as he thought about Sammy. He didn't have his phone and Sam wasn't here, and he wondered if he even knew. Dean groaned. "Thuck," he murmured pathetically, "Thammy and Dad don'th know abouth thith yeh."

Castiel's eyes widened. "No," he breathed in horror. "No y-you've gotta promise me you'll not send me there, Dean." Why couldn't Dean just promise him that. "Dean," he said again softly. "Please. I-I'll go to the doctors. I-I'll take medication. Just DON'T send me to that place. Y-You have no idea what they're like. You can't send me there. Y-You just can't." His eyes were wide with fear. He couldn't care less about the trial right now. What good was locking Lucifer away if he himself couldn't be free to enjoy his victory. "Don't do this. Don't do this to me. Please."

Dean shut his eyes and tilted his head forward to hide his face, unable to even look at Castiel in his panicked state. He tugged at his hair and sighed. "I don't know what ith gonna happen," he uttered, "I don't know, Cath. I can't dethide what the court ith gonna do. It'th not even up to me." This was a nightmare. It had to be. There was no way all of this could be happening to them. Nobody deserved so much bad luck. These were problems that Dean couldn't fix, and he'd never felt more useless in his life. The entire case was ruined for them and Dean was worried about Cas being sentenced to a mental institution for a set amount of time because there was evidence of him assaulting not only Dean, but Jimmy as well. If this became a whole new court case, Cas was out of luck. He had absolutely no chance of winning the Lucifer trial and Dean didn't know what to do. He shook his head helplessly and squeezed his eyes shut tight, holding back his sobs.

Castiel let out a low sob, letting go of Dean's hand to hide his face in shame. He sobbed helplessly into the palms of his hands, shaking his head. How could this be happening? Everything was ruined. Lucifer was ruining his life and he probably knew it too. "Dean," he whispered, sniffing, looking down at his hand which laid by his side, seeing as he couldn't move much of his body. "I..I understand if you don't want to stick by me..through this," he said softly, choking on another quiet sob. "Just know..I-I never meant to hurt you. Never. And I'll understand if you never want to see me again." He couldn't look at Dean, to ashamed of what he'd done. Dean shouldn't even be here. How could he be, after everything he'd done to him. He should be spitting in his face and calling him scum.

Dean looked up at Cas with a pained expression, his heart hurting. He wanted to say something but he didn't know how to put it in words, but he never got the chance. The door opened up again and before Dean knew what was happening he was being turned around and wheeled out of the room quickly. He looked up over his shoulder at the nurse, who looked somewhat worried and determined. "You have visitors," she explained, turning a corner and going through the double doors again to the main hallway of the hospital. They went into an elevator and down two flights to the reception area. "Your cell phone received a call and it was answered by a nurse who forwarded the call to reception." Dean's blood ran cold when he saw John and Sam in front of the visitor reception desk, but they hadn't seen him yet. John looked furious, his face red and eyes angry, and Sam just looked scared. When they spotted Dean, Sam's eyes widened and he raised a hand to his mouth, while John's lips went into a tight line and he bristled with barely controlled anger, but Dean knew it wasn't directed at him, and that's what scared him. Sam was in front of him immediately, kneeling down in front of the wheelchair so they were at eye level and staring at Dean's beat up face with a horrified expression. "Cas did this to you?" he demanded in disbelief, and Dean nodded reluctantly. John was shaking his head angrily. "I knew that boy was trouble the minute I first saw him. His mind ain't right, Dean. I don't want you seeing him anymore, understand? I'll kill him before he so much as looks at you again." Dean looked up at John pleadingly. "Dad, pleathe don't hurt him, it'th not hith fault, he'th got thome problemth but we're gonna geh 'em fixthed." John narrowed his eyes and leaned down, carefully pulling back Dean's upper lip to reveal the missing tooth, and he swore furiously. "That son of a bitch is going to rot in hell," he growled, nearly trembling with anger. Dean looked at Sam, begging him with wide eyes to make sure nothing bad would happen, and Sam looked at him helplessly, looking near tears himself. Neither of them knew what to do anymore. The three of them were attracting stares from other visitors signing in at the desk, but they ignored the onlookers and just stared each other down, frozen in the moment of horror. Sam came and stood beside Dean then and gave him a sympathetic look, but it didn't help. Dean had never been more scared of his father before, because now there was an actual threat of Cas getting murdered. Dean knew full well that John was capable of it, he was good with a gun and he could be downright dangerous when he had the reason to be, and Dean knew that he wouldn't hesitate to shoot Cas if John saw him as a threat.

Castiel bit his lip, he'd been expecting some sort of response from Dean but suddenly he was gone and Castiel was all alone. He didn't understand what was going on and he couldn't even leave because he was strapped to this fucking bed. The officer came back in and he held his hands up in an innocent gesture. "You saw how I was. I didn't do anything. I can't even reach the other restraints," he protested gently, tears still streaming down his face. "Please. You're keeping watch anyway. I'll answer your questions. Please, sir. Just keep these ones off." The officer looked hesitant but loosely strapped his left hand back up, leaving his right hand free. He gave him a look as if he should be so lucky for even this amount of freedom. Castiel prayed to God this was as bad as it would get. He didn't want to end up like Jimmy.

John leaned down so he was at eye level with Dean, and he grabbed his left hand and wrenched the ring off his finger despite Dean's cries of protest and feeble struggling. "NO!" He screamed, his voice echoing through the high-ceiling reception area. People stared. Dean stood up, the wheelchair rolling behind him with the force of his movement. He lunged at John and clawed at his fist, but John shoved him away roughly and Sam stepped in front of him and tried to pry the ring out of John's hand. Sam was taller than John, but John stuffed the ring in his pocket and hit Sam away from him. He grabbed the front of Sam's shirt and shook him hard, looming intimidatingly in his face. Dean stumbled forward with his fists clenched, tears streaming down his face. "Dad, stop!" He begged, barely able to talk with the sobs wracking his body. "Don't you defy me, Samuel," John was growling, and Sam looked absolutely murderous, the hate in his eyes burning. "You don't act against your own father, you little shit. You hear me?" Sam didn't answer, just continued glaring with hate in his eyes, and John backhanded Sam across the face before either of the brothers could react. Dean heard gasps around them, and but none of them paid any attention to their surroundings. Dean took a deep breath, adrenaline pumping through his veins, and made his move. He lunged at John and punched him as hard as he could in the back of the head, sending him stumbling forward into Sam and both of them fell to the ground. John got up and turned on Dean, who was panting and holding his hand. He was pretty sure he'd broken a finger, but he didn't have time to think about it. Suddenly, there were strong arms tight around his middle and he struggled instinctively, but his hands were being held behind his back. The same thing was happening to John, and it was a chaotic scene. Sam's nose was bleeding and he was holding his hand against it, tears streaming from his wide, scared eyes, and Dean felt like throwing up. That was exactly how Sam had looked after Mary had died. He looked so young and frightened, completely helpless and lost, and Dean collapsed to his knees, staring dazedly at the ground in front of him. What had happened to his life?

Castiel spent a good fifteen minutes answering the officers questions. He explained how he'd been raped and was having hallucinations of his attacker. He explained how things had gotten out of hand and he'd ended up hurting his fiancé in the process. "And Dean was trying to stop you from hurting yourself?" the officer asked with a little more patience after hearing about Castiel's previous abuse. Castiel nodded a little. "Yes. I-I didn't mean to hurt him. Y-You saw how he was when he came in. W-We love each other. T-Things just got out of hand but I-I would never intentionally hurt Dean." _Only myself. _The officer nodded, wrote some stuff down and left the room. Castiel sighed, running a hand through his hair with his free arm, wondering where Dean was. It wasn't until a few hours later he was transported to the psychiatrist hospital for testing. He'd only just managed to get the nurses attention, asking her to tell Dean Winchester where he was going. Not that he expected her to do it. Or for Dean to care.

A security guard escorted John out of the building and spoke to him outside, and a young female nurse put her arm around Sam's back and led him away, holding a wad of tissues to his bloody nose, and Dean was left alone on the floor in his white hospital scrubs, staring down at his hands. He felt numb all over and didn't know what was happening until a blanket was wrapped around his shoulders. He looked up and saw a young blonde nurse, almost angelic in her beauty, and she looked familiar. She smiled at him softly and rubbed his back, and Dean could see her lips moving but he couldn't hear anything she was saying. He knew why she looked familiar. "Mom?" he asked, his voice cracked and barely audible.

Castiel found himself in a familiar part of the hospital Jimmy used to stay at. He was put in a room, guarded seeing as they couldn't strap him to the chair. "Castiel. Do you know where you are?" Dr. Lee asked. Castiel nodded. "Yes. The psychiatric hospital off of west avenue," he answered calmly, trying to convince these people he didn't have to stay here for long. "Good. Now, do you know why you're here?" the woman asked, leaning forward in her chair a little. Castiel nodded again. "Because I hallucinated my rapist and attacked my fiancé when he tried to stop me from hurting myself." The doctor wrote down a few notes and continued. "How does that make you feel?" Jesus. The number of times he's heard that. "Disgusted," he answered with a scowl. "Ashamed. I'd never intentionally hurt my Dean. We've both had cases of self-harm. I understand that what I did was wrong and I understand that he was only trying to help but in the moment I had no control. My only concern was to keep Lucifer, my rapist from getting under my skin." The doctor seemed impressed with his answer. Castiel was clever. He really didn't need her help to understand his actions. He could do that on his own but if he was to get out of here he'd need to co-operate.

The nurse smiled sadly and shook her head, blonde wavy hair cascading down around her face. The bright florescent light fixture above her illuminated her features and made her look like an angel, and Dean was awestruck. Her name tag read 'Madison Harper, RN" and Dean's heart sunk a little. "You look juth like my mom," he mumbled softly, and she rubbed his back comfortingly and he leaned into her automatically. "Are you alright, sweetie?" She asked gently, looking at him with caring concern, and he shrugged. He wasn't alright, but there wasn't anything he could do now. He stood up shakily and she held his arm to support him. "What's your name?" She asked. Her voice was like bells, and Dean could imagine her singing 'Hey Jude' to him. He stared at her, not hearing the question, and swayed a little on his feet. A man came up behind her and they discussed some things quickly. Dean caught the word 'shock' but he didn't process the meaning of it, and then he was being sat down in the wheelchair again as if he wasn't in control of his own body. Another blanket was nestled around him, and he wondered why until he realized he was shaking. And that sound was his teeth chattering. Oh.

Castiel didn't protest as they took him through processing. Struggling would only make it worse. He knew from Jimmy for that to be a fact. Watching him go through all this. Castiel knew how to get out. He just had to play by their system. Okay, maybe he needed help but he wasn't sick. He just needed some time off then he'd be fine. He wasn't sick. He wasn't like Jimmy. He just wasn't. He asked if he could keep his ring, despite their protests. "I've never taken it off. I'm not exactly going to try and choke myself on it," he'd snapped, a little annoyed at how a simple ring could be so much bother. Never the less, they'd taken the ring leaving Castiel with just an imprint against his skin. _Take my life too. _

Dean was vaguely aware of being moved down the hall and put in an elevator, and he wrapped the blanket tighter around himself and just stared at the floor passing beneath the wheelchair he was in. Within moments he was back in the hospital bed with blankets wrapped around him. More blankets were piled on top of him, and then Sam was there, leaning over him and squeezing his shoulder gently. "Dean?" He murmured. His cheek was a little swollen and his lip had split, and he was holding some gauze and ice to his nose still, and Dean pulled his arm out of the blanket and cupped Sam's cheek carefully, looking up at him regretfully. "I'm thorry," he mumbled, "That wathn't thuppothed to happen, Tham." Sam sighed sadly and shook his head, sitting in the chair beside the bed and took Dean's hand. "What are we going to do, Dean?" He asked in a small voice, holding his hand hard. Dean closed his eyes and shrugged, sighing heavily. "I don't know," he admitted, feeling incredibly small and useless. Sam was trembling and squeezing his hand way too hard, and Dean looked over at him. All he could see was a five-year old Sammy standing at the side of Dean's bed in the middle of the night, shaking him awake with tears in his eyes after a bad dream, and Dean would always scoot over in his bed and let Sammy crawl under the covers with him. And that's what Dean did now. He scooted back on the narrow bed until he was against the guard rail on the side, and tugged on Sam's hand. "C'mere," he said, and Sam nodded and moved onto the bed beside Dean, creaking under their combined weight. After a moment of awkward shifting on the small bed, they were comfortable, Sam's big hand fisted in Dean's shirt and his face hidden in Dean's neck, and Dean wrapped his arm around his brother and just held him until Sam stopped trembling and relaxed. They both fell asleep like that, just like when they were younger and only had each other in the dark, where nightmares were more real than day.

Castiel spent the night with no shoelaces, no rings, no piercing and no Dean. He was strapped to his bed in itchy polyester, white scrubs and no socks. He felt like he was in prison. Honestly, he'd rather be there than here. At least there they couldn't force you to take medicine. Seriously, there was nothing wrong with him. It was just a minor set back. He'd be fine..right? It took longer than usual to get to sleep that night. He couldn't stop replaying his last moments with Dean over and over in his head. What would he have said if he didn't get wheeled out. Would he of ended it? Was he going to come visit him? He didn't know. And it was the not knowing what was waiting for him on the outside that made him cry himself to sleep.

When Dean awoke, it was to the sound of the door clicking shut quietly and he opened his eyes to see Sam standing by the door. He winced apologetically. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you up," he said. Dean shrugged and rubbed his eyes, pushing himself up to go into the bathroom. He relieved himself first and then stood in front of the mirror studying his face. He could hardly recognize himself. His nose was shaped differently and badly swelled, crooked to the side slightly, and he wondered if it would always be crooked like that. There was a strip of strong woven bandage on his nose, and he assumed that was what was holding his broken nose in place. His upper lip was completely swollen and there was a painful cut on the inside of his lip, and there were stitches holding it together. His right front tooth was gone, but if he looked closely he could see the end of the root still in his gum, and it hurt horribly when he touched it. His eyes were badly bloodshot, especially the right one. The white of the eye was completely red, and he guessed it was from a burst blood vessel in his eye from the force of Castiel's elbow. His whole face was a bruised, swollen mess and Dean just stared at himself. He found himself wondering if Cas would still love him even with a crooked nose and a missing tooth.

Castiel awoke the next morning to a nurse untying his restraints and handing him some pills and water. He looked at them curiously before taking them. She explained how they were for his anger but only a low dosage to begin with so they could monitor just how much he should take seeing as this was his first time being administrated to this hospital. He did what he was told and took the pills before asking if he could have something to eat. The nurse brought him some food and said he had to stay locked in his room. He couldn't be with other patients in case he had another 'episode'. Castiel was beginning to worry that this is how it all started. Being trapped in a cell all day, turning the sane into insane. He just hoped he could see Dean..if he ever came.

Cas had done this to him. He'd hurt Dean in every way imaginable, but Dean wasn't angry at him. He was just incredibly sad. They'd been so happy once, and now everything was spiraling out of control and Dean wondered if they'd ever be normal again. He looked at the spot on his finger where the ring had been and he wondered if he'd ever get it back. He sighed again and shuffled out of the bathroom, feeling restless and unhappy. He kept rubbing his empty ring finger absently, and Sam cleared his throat and pulled a chain out of his shirt collar. On the end of it dangled his ring, and Dean looked at Sam in disbelief. "Stole it out of Dad's jacket," he explained, his lip quirking up slightly. "I'll hold onto it for you, okay? It'll be safe. I don't want you to get caught with it or else Dad might take it away again. I'll keep it safe for you." Dean gave Sam a hug and thanked him quietly. "Do you know anything about Cas?" He asked, relieved to see that it was easier to talk now.

Castiel sat in his 'cage'. Eating what food they gave him and swallowed what pills they made him take. Every so often, a doctor would come in and ask him questions. Each time, they'd strap him down for his and the doctors safety. Each time he'd answer their questions in a calm and neutral tone. Each time he'd ask them if Dean had called or tried to visit. Each time they'd say no, unstrap him and leave the room again, locking it behind them. Castiel felt like he was going crazy already. There was nothing wrong with him. He felt better. Well, as much as he could be feeling seeing as he'd broken his fiancé's face. He just wanted to see Dean again and get the answer to his question.

Sam shook his head and Dean's heart sank. "The doctor said you can get out of here today, though. Maybe then we can find out what's going on with him." Sam's expression darkened a little and he sighed. "Dad said that he's not letting me be a witness for the trial anymore," he muttered angrily, "And he's not going to let you go either even if it means he has to physically restrain you. And he took your car keys and hid them somewhere." Dean tugged at his hair and growled in frustration. "I hate him," he said calmly, completely honest and speaking the truth. Sam nodded in agreement and took his phone out. He dialed Castiel's number and put it on speaker, setting the phone between them on the bed, and they waited quietly for someone to answer the phone.

As a rule, most of their patients didn't have cell phones. They'd use the phones in the buildings but new admissions sometimes had them. So they'd keep them up front for either spouses or family members to collect along with other belongings. One of the receptionists had answered Castiel's phone, looking up his records on the computer so she could identify which patient's family she was talking to. "Hello, this is Claire from St. James' psychiatric hospital. Who's calling, please?" she said, tone friendly yet professional.

Dean and Sam leaned forward and stared at the phone and exchanged an unhappy look when they learned Castiel had been transferred to a different hospital. "Sam and Dean Winchester," Sam said, both brothers silently agreeing to let Sam do the talking because Dean's mouth still hurt and he was slurring. "Can we speak to Castiel Novak? We're the closest thing he has to a family. Dean's his fiance and I'm his brother."

The receptionist looked up Castiel's records and tapped her pen against the desk. "One moment please," she said, putting the phone on the desk and stood up to get the doctor. She came back a moment later with confirmation. "You may but for safety purposes we're going to have to monitor the call," she informed, standing up and making her way to the doctor's office with the phone.

Castiel was staring up at the ceiling absently. The drugs had kicked in and he felt washed out and mellow as hell. When the doctor came in with an orderly he couldn't help but greet them with a small smile. "You have a phone call, Castiel. We're going to put it on speaker so I can monitor the call. Is that okay?" Castiel just nodded, blinking slowly. The receptionist had given the doctor the phone and she'd put it on speaker and placed it on the empty nightstand by Castiel. She took a seat in the empty chair and the orderly waited by the door. "This is Dr Lee. speaking with Dean Winchester, Castiel's fiancé?" Castiel looked up a little at the phone. "D-Dean?" he breathed, biting his lip anxiously.

Sam confirmed that was alright and they waited quietly, looking at each other in silence as they waited for the call to go through. When the doctor's voice came over and Castiel's voice spoke quietly into the phone, Dean froze and looked up at Sam pleadingly. He didn't know what to say. Luckily, Sam covered for him. "This is Sam. Dean's right here, you're on speaker. How are you doing?" Dean picked at his fingernails anxiously and waited for Cas to say something.

Castiel could see Dr Lee looking expectantly at him and he felt uncomfortable in her presence whilst being tied up like this but he'd cry later. He had to see this through. The drugs were surprisingly helpful with getting him through his anxieties. "Good," he said quietly, wishing he could scratch his face but it'd only been a few days. They didn't trust him yet. "I feel good. Hows Dean doing? Is my kitten okay?"

Sam gave Dean a strange look at the 'kitten' comment but Dean huffed in amusement and brushed it off. "Hey, Cas," he said, leaning closer to the phone so Cas would hear him better. "I'm glad you're feeling better. I'm doing alright. Are they treating you okay?" Before Cas could answer Sam leaned in and asked, "Are you allowed to have visitors?"

Castiel let out a small breath in relief at hearing Dean speak without a lisp. He sounded better. But the fact that it was Castiel's fault he wasn't well to begin with made him feel uneasy. He looked at Dr Lee, unsure how to answer that. They were treating him better than they had Jimmy but then again, there wasn't anything wrong with him. He just needed some medication. Some time to calm down and he'd be fine. This wasn't an everyday struggle for him. Just some post traumatic stress from Lucifer's attack. His eyes lightened up a little when he saw Dr Lee nod at Sam's question. "Under observation he can," she answered for him. She wanted to see how Castiel acted around Dean whilst on the medication. See if it made a difference in his behaviour.

Dean and Sam exchanged a look of eager anticipation when the doctor said Castiel could have visitors. Dean was a little unsure about facing Castiel after he'd hurt him so badly, and he wasn't looking forward to explaining what had happened with John. There was already enough conflict between Cas and John, and Dean was afraid his dad might try to hurt Cas or do something to keep Dean from seeing him. "Can we come today?" Sam asked.

Dr Lee looked at Castiel who nodded pleadingly. "Alright. You'll need to fill out visiting forms when you get here." Castiel looked at the phone and back at Dr Lee then at the phone. "Kitten..a-are you there?" he asked softly into the phone. "I-I'll understand if you don't wanna come visit." He swallowed thickly, fingers twitching a little. "What I did to you..it was awful. I can understand if you don't want to see me again."

Dean looked away from Sam and rubbed his cheek self-consciously. "I'm here, Cas," he said, his voice revealing none of the emotions he was feeling. He swallowed heavily and licked his chapped, swollen lips. "I'm okay, it's not a big deal. I've had worse. We'll come see you in a little bit, alright?" Dean looked up at Sam unhappily. John had taken away his car keys and Dean wasn't sure how they were going to sneak over to the psychiatric hospital without being caught.

Castiel shook his head. "No, sweetheart. It's not," he said softly, unable to meet the doctor's eyes as she wrote down some notes. "I..I hurt you," he whispered, closing his eyes. "I don't want to hurt you again. They've..they've got me on medication but..I'm scared. I just don't want to hurt you again. I want you to feel safe around me."

Dean picked at the edges of the bandage around his nose and shook his head, swallowing thickly. "Baby, I can't do this right now," he whispered, "I need to speak with you in person." Sam squeezed Dean's shoulder and gave him a reassuring look. "Cas, we'll be over in like an hour, okay? We've got a lot to talk about with you."

Castiel bit his lip, nodding a little. "Okay," he said softly, fingers curling around the bed sheet a little. "I-I love you, kitten. I'll see you soon," he said softly, trying to keep it together. The phone cut off and Castiel swallowed thickly. Dr Lee gave him a small assuring smile. "That was good progress, Castiel," she said, looking through her notes. "Acknowledging your mistakes." Castiel nodded, looking away. Dr Lee smiled softly. "We'll be right here when your visitors arrive, okay?" Castiel nodded again in understanding and Dr Lee and the orderly left the room, locking it behind them.

Once Sam ended the call, Dean fell back against the bed and closed his eyes, bringing his hands up to cover his face. He didn't want to face Castiel after what had happened, didn't want Cas to look at him and feel guilty and make Dean feel like it was his fault. He didn't want Castiel's pity or apologies, he just wanted things to be okay again. Sam stood up and put the phone back into his pocket, looking at Dean uncertainly. "I've got some money, we could probably take a bus," he said, shrugging. Dean sat up and sighed heavily. "Where's Dad?" Sam bit his lip and glanced at the door. "He was here the whole time you were sleeping and he left like 20 minutes ago. I don't know where he went, he didn't say." Dean groaned. "How are we going to get out of here? Dad took my car keys and what if he catches us?" Sam looked determined, and he pulled Dean to his feet and towards the door. "Let's just go," he muttered, glancing down the hall and then walking casually out of the room beside Dean. They snuck past nurses and other medical staff, and nobody gave them a second glance. It was way too easy to sneak out of a hospital. Once they got outside, they headed for the nearest bus stop. Dean was only wearing socks on his feet, because his clothes and shoes weren't in the hospital room, and people were giving him strange looks. Between his busted face and his clothing, he looked pretty unusual. Sam paid for the bus fare and they got on, heading across the city to the psychiatric hospital where Cas was.

Castiel spent the last hour trying to think of what to say to Dean. What to do. What to say to Sam. He was finally unstrapped from his bed so they could monitor what he did with others in the room. An orderly was put in the corner of the room to monitor him and take notes for Dr Lee. Castiel sat cross legged on his bed, fumbling with his hospital tag, waiting for Dean and Sam nervously.

Sam and Dean eventually made it to the hospital and were led to Castiel's room once they'd been signed in. Dean wished he at least had on some shoes. Sam walked into the room first and Dean followed him, looking into the room uncertainly. Cas was sitting on a bed wearing clothing similar to what Dean had on and was watching them. Dean suddenly felt incredibly awkward and wanted to disappear. He wished he could cover up his face and he wanted to avoid opening his mouth to show the missing tooth. Sam seemed to notice Dean's discomfort and the way he was avoiding looking at Cas, and he nudged Dean gently with his arm. "Hey, Cas," Sam said, attempting to be casual and friendly and dispel the tension, but it wasn't working.

Castiel watched as Dean and Sam came into the room. Dean refused to look at him and his heart sank. "Hey guys," he said with a soft smile. "Come sit, please," he said gently, gesturing to the space on the bed seeing as the orderly had taken the chair. "Dean," he said, trying to catch the other's eyes. "Are you..is..are you in pain?" he asked, unsure what to say. He wanted to hold Dean but he was afraid Dean was scared to do so.

Dean carefully walked forward and sat on the edge of bed, keeping his body slightly angled away from Cas and dipping his head down to look at his hands. He hid the worst side of his face from Cas and avoided turning his head. Sam sat on the floor in front of them and glanced between them with a hopeful look in his eyes. Dean looked over at Cas without moving his head and shrugged. "Little bit," he said uncertainly, and then glanced back down at his hands. He covered his left hand with the right one, not wanting Cas to see the missing ring on his finger.

Castiel looked curiously, at Dean's hands and felt anxious. Though he probably didn't show it on the medication he was on. "Baby, it's okay. Honestly, if you don't want to wear my ring. I'll...I'll undertand. I attacked you. It's okay. You..you don't have to be with me if you don't want to be. Let's just be honest here. Okay? That's why were here, right? To get better."

Dean lifted his head and turned to Cas, eyes wide and full of sadness. "My dad took it," he explained, showing Cas his hand and shaking his head helplessly. "And that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about." Dean pulled Castiel's hand from his lap and held it gently in his own. "You remember what I said, don't you?" He whispered, looking down at the spot where Castiel's ring had been, "No matter what happens I'll never stop loving you. Remember? I meant it, Cas."

Castiel could feel Dean's hand trembling in his own and he squeezed it a little. The orderly was paying close attention but Castiel had no intention of hurting his Dean ever again. He hesitantly lifted Dean's hand up to his lips, pressing a tender kiss to the spot where his ring was. "I love you too, Dean," he said sincerely, letting their hands rest back between them on the bed. "And I'll get better. I promise. We'll get your ring back. And I'll make you happy again. Even if it kills me."

Dean looked at Cas for a moment, staring right into his soul, and then grabbed the front of Castiel's shirt and pulled him close, wrapping his arms around him and hugging him tightly. He buried his face in Castiel's neck and sighed, his entire body trembling. "I'm glad I called the police, Cas," he admitted, "You were really scaring me, I thought you were going to kill me and then yourself."

The orderly moved to step in but when Castiel hesitantly wrapped his arms around Dean into what was obviously a friendly hug, he moved back into his seat. "I'd never kill you, Dean," he assured in a whisper. "I never even meant to hurt you. I just..I panicked. I lost control for a while back there. Honestly. After everything that's happened..I know better than to kill myself. I have you. Why would I ever want to loose that?"

Dean backed away a little and blinked back tears. "I don't know, Cas," he said back, looking up at him unhappily. "You tell me. How many times is this going to happen? You weren't even yourself back there. I didn't even know who you were, but that was not you. How do I know you won't 'lose control' again?" Dean sighed and drew away from Cas to sit on the bed again. Sam had moved back a little bit, sitting in the corner of the room to give them space. "You tell me." Dean repeated sadly.

Castiel felt his heart break. Something hard to do whilst on medication. "They've got me on medication," he answered, staring at his hospital tag. "Helps control patients with anger, depression and a hole bunch of other things that labels me as crazy." He laughed a little at that, seizing when the sadness drew back in. "With weekly therapy sessions and daily dosages of pills. I should be right as rain." He shot Dean a look, holding out his hand hesitantly. "I can come home." He gave Sam a small smile before looking back at Dean. "And we can be a family again."

Dean looked at Castiel sadly and sighed. Cas looked somewhat empty, not really himself, and Dean didn't know what to think. His eyes were slightly glassy and dull and Dean knew it was because of the medication. He understood that it was good for Cas to be on the pills to help regulate his brain activity and stabilize him mentally, but it was sad seeing Cas broken like this. "You really need it, Cas," he said, looking at him and taking his hand again. "I'm not going to commit to starting a family with you until you're better."

Castiel pressed Dean's hand to his lips again. He didn't think Dean would want him to kiss him. Wouldn't trust him to be gentle after what he did to his face. "No, of course," he said softly. "However, I meant our family. Jimmy, Sammy...you and I. We're brothers. Family." He gave Sam a soft smile coming back to Dean's hand kissing the palm as he moved Dean's hand to rest against his cheek, leaning into the touch and closed his eyes.

Dean nodded and watched as Cas kissed his palm and then rested his hand on his cheek, eyes closed in a complete show of trust and submission. Dean looked at Sam tearfully and then back at Cas, forcing himself not to cry. It was a few moments before he could trust his voice not to shake when he spoke. "Especially Jimmy," he murmured, "You can't act like this around him. He needs you to be there for him."

"I know," he whispered, sounding regretful and ashamed. He moved away from Dean's hand enough to hold it in both of his. "My sweet prince," he murmured softly, kissing the pad of Dean's thumb tenderly. "My Dean." He opened his eyes, looking up at Dean through thick lashes. "I promise. I'll get better and I'll be here for all of you. You, Jimmy even li'l Sammy. I won't let anything like this happen again."

A tear slipped down Dean's face when Castiel took his hand and kissed his thumb almost reverently, and Dean stifled a sob at the beautiful intimacy and earnestness of the gesture. He raised a hand to his mouth to keep from sobbing out loud, and leaned into Castiel's shoulder, hiding his damaged face against Castiel's chest. "Why is this happening to us?" He whimpered, his voice barely audible and muffled in Castiel's shirt.

"I don't know," Castiel whispered into Dean's hair, stroking it tenderly. The orderly gave him a look that said time was up and Castiel nodded sadly, pushing Dean away gently. "But it'll get better. I promise. It's just a rough patch. We'll get through this." He tenderly kissed Dean's forehead, trying not to sob as he finally got to see Dean's face properly. "We'll see this through. I promise," he whispered, squeezing Dean's hand a little before moving away again, sitting cross-legged on the bed as the orderly stood up to show Dean and Sam out.

Dean nodded tearfully and sat back a little when Cas moved away, and he stood up. Sam walked over to him and patted him gently on the shoulder a few times before guiding him out of the room behind the orderly. Dean didn't look back at Cas, couldn't bear to see the sadness in his eyes and the way he seemed imprisoned in that room. Sam looked over his shoulder at Cas and smiled apologetically at him before they left, and the brothers went back out into the city to make their way home.

Four more days like this. Answering questions, taking pills and generally being isolated. He was let out once to have dinner with everyone else. Things had gone fine but orderlies were put on duty to make sure he didn't get out of hand. Thanks to the medication. He didn't. Today was Thursday. Day of the trial. With his 'bodyguard' for the day, Rob. He'd managed to go home and get a suit. He'd tried ringing Dean but he got no answer. He assumed he'd meet him at the court with John and Sam. He was allowed a few minutes with Jimmy before being escorted back to the city to court. Once there, things did not go his way.

"D-Dean..it's C..Cas. Where the hell were you today?" he sobbed down the phone. A phone call he'd been permitted once returning to hospital. Unfortunately, he'd only gotten Dean's voicemail. "Lucifer's free. Walk right out of court, no cuffs or nothin'. I had no witnesses. My whole case just fell to pieces." He ran a hand through his hair, tugging on it lightly as tears streamed down his face. "Three months, babe. Three months. I-I've gotta stay in here. Court order. They think I did this to myself. They think I took a knife and tried to.." He had to stop talking, feeling sick just looking back on it. "A-And Crowley was there. Said not to bother contacting him. I'm loosing everyone Dean. I-I don't know what to do. Please, come visit-" Dean's voicemail cut off and Castiel slammed the phone against the receiver, slumping against the wall heavily as he cried for what seemed like forever before a nurse came and took him back to his room.

On the day of the trial, Dean woke up to find his bedroom door locked from the outside. His phone was gone and he couldn't open the door. He kicked it hard, panicking and tugging at his hair. He had to be at the court in an hour, but he was trapped in his own bedroom. He found a note on his desk written in his father's tell-tale harsh handwriting. He picked it up with shaky hands and read it. "Don't even think about sneaking out to go to the court. If I find out you were anywhere but in your room, I'll give you a reason to be miserable." Dean stared at the note in horrified disbelief and dropped it to the floor, staring at the door. He tried it again, throwing himself at it with all of his weight and kicking it hard, and after many more useless attempts he sagged against it and screamed, breathless, slapping at the wood uselessly with his palm. He held his breath and pressed his ear against the door, trying to hear, but the house was silent. "SAM!" He screamed, and held his breath. There was an answering call from Sam's room, and Dean crawled onto his bed and hit the wall between their rooms. "Sam, are you locked in?" He demanded breathlessly.

Castiel spent the rest of the afternoon in despair. Lucifer was free. Dean and Sam hadn't come to back up his story and he looked like a crazy loon. He dropped his head in his hands, grateful they'd at least trust him enough to be on his own and not strapped to his bed now. Maybe Dean hadn't wanted to come. Maybe..maybe this was his way of saying goodbye. Telling Castiel not to get his hopes up. He looked at the imprint on his finger. It was wearing off now. Being five days without his ring. Maybe this really was goodbye after all.


	57. Chapter 57

"Yeah, my door's chained shut from the outside and I can't get it off," Sam shouted back through the wall, his voice wavering and rough. "And my phone's gone and Dad left a note on my desk warning me not to try anything." Dean banged his forehead against the wall and cursed loudly, tugging at his hair. He looked around the room for anything he could use to escape from this prison, but no ideas came to mind. "Dean, what are we gonna do?!" Sam yelled, banging on the wall, "We need to get to the court or else Cas could lose his case!" Dean's chest seized up and he gasped for air, feeling dizzy and having a complete panic attack. "I don't fucking know!" He screamed back, pounding his fist against his knee repeatedly and biting his lip. His face was still pretty painful and swollen, but it had gotten a little better in four days and still hurt like a bitch when he bit his lower lip with his one remaining upper front tooth, but he didn't care. He couldn't focus. They had 45 minutes to get out of the house and to the courtroom and Dean had no idea how. There weren't any blunt objects in his room, and Dean cursed his father. He'd obviously come in here when Dean was sleeping and taken away anything that could break glass, and he went back to the wall and hit it. "Sammy, listen to me," he said, "Do you have anything that can break the window? Anything hard and strong enough to shatter glass?" There was the sound of objects falling and clattering to the floor, and Dean listened carefully, praying to any god that would listen that Sam had something useful.

Castiel spent a good twenty minutes tugging lightly on his hair before he felt the need to contact a nurse. He pressed the button and shortly enough a nurse came into his room and asked what the trouble was. "I'm..I'm feeling a little..a lot angrier today. Is it possible to up my meds for today? Or have something to calm me down? I-I don't want to hurt anyone." The nurse contemplated and left the room, locking it behind her before coming back half and hour later with a stronger dosage of medication after consulting Dr Lee. Castiel took the medication gratefully, feeling dozy and mellow as the effects kicked in. He sat back on his bed, watching the clouds pass in the sky as his eyes glazed over a little.

Dean could hear Sam sigh angrily. "I don't have anything," he called through the wall, his voice shaking. Dean's heart sank and he felt sick. He leaned his head against the wall, slumping in defeat. "Sammy, I don't have any ideas," he admitted, "I don't know what to do." He looked at the clock. The trial was starting in eight minutes and they'd wasted their time trying to escape. He sighed shakily and banged his head against the wall again. He could imagine Castiel sitting up there, looking hopefully at the courtroom doors for Dean and Sam to come in and take their places on his side as witnesses, but that wouldn't happen.

The day passed slowly, and Dean spent the long hours alternating between staring at the clock with tears in his eyes, throwing himself at the door to try to get it to budge, and throwing things at the window. Their windows were still covered in glass from the winter and needed a screwdriver to open, which Dean didn't have. There was nothing they could do. After sitting in silence listening to Sam cry quietly through the wall and not able to go comfort him, Dean's anger was building more and more. He hated John. Most kids say that about their parents at some point in their lives, but Dean's hatred for his father was more than a child's anger. He was furious. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore and stood up, wrapping a tee shirt around his hand. He stood in front of the window and punched it as hard as he could, cracking the glass just slightly. He gasped and doubled over in pain as he felt something in his hand snap, and Sam hit the wall. "Dean?! What's going on?" Dean gritted his teeth and did it again, crying out as his hand cracked again, but the glass did too. It was just a slight hairline fracture, but at least it was something. He was dizzy with pain and had to sit down on his bed. They wouldn't make it to the trial, but there was still a chance of them getting out and contacting Cas to see what was happening.

It was late afternoon, almost evening, by the time Dean had managed to create a hole in the glass large enough to punch the rest of it out with his shoe. He was drenched in sweat and his hand was a bloody, mangled mess, swollen and twisted beyond recognition, but he kept the tee shirt tightly wrapped around it and refused to look at it or think about it. He leaned out, avoiding the jagged edges of the broken glass window, and looked down at the ground. It was too high to jump, but there were bushes and shrubs underneath the window that might soften his fall. He grabbed the sheet from his bed and one-handedly tied it to the windowframe, and he clumsily clambered out of the window and dropped to the ground. The sheet really didn't help very much since he could only use his left hand, and he cursed himself for destroying his right hand. He landed hard in the shrubs, getting scratched and poked by sharp little sticks and jagged leaves, and he scrambled out of it and then ran to the garage, cradling his hand to his chest. He opened the garage door and grabbed John's toolbox, and he ran back to the yard and stood underneath Sam's window. He picked up a heavy wrench and threw it as hard as he could but he missed the window with his left hand.

Sam's face appeared at the window and his eyes widened, and Dean gestured for him to get out of the way. He threw a hammer and this time the glass completely shattered, and Sam went back to the window. "Dean, you're awesome!" He yelled excitedly, and Dean nodded. "Get your sheet and use it to climb down," he told Sam, "Hurry, we don't have much time." Sam's face disappeared from the window and a moment later a white bedsheet cascaded out of the window and Sam crouched awkwardly in the windowframe, and he clumsily swung down and landed on his ass in the bush. He got up quickly and went over to Dean and hugged him tightly. Dean panted for breath and let himself lean into Sam briefly before pushing him away with his good hand. "Come on, we've gotta go to Castiel's house. I know where he keeps the key to his motorcycle." He started running down the street and Sam followed.

Dean was barefoot and they were both still dressed in the clothes they'd slept in, and by the time they reached Castiel's house they were both drenched in sweat and panting hard, and Dean's feet were dirty and bleeding and he was still refusing to acknowledge the horrible pain in his hand. He unlocked Castiel's house with the key under the mat and then let himself in. He didn't know if Jimmy was there, but just in case he shouted, "Jimmy, it's Dean. I'm just stopping by to pick something up," as he got the key for the motorcycle. He went into the garage and opened the heavy garage door and pushed the bike into the driveway. It was getting dark out, and Dean knew it was pointless but he needed to get to Cas no matter what. He straddled the bike and nervously put the key in the ignition, starting the engine. Sam got on behind him and held on tight to his shirt, and Dean started the bike. He'd never actually driven it before but Cas had explained it to him and Dean was good with machines, so it wasn't too hard. They lurched down the driveway and headed to the hospital, assuming that's where Cas was since he wasn't at home.

Castiel spent the remainder of the day staring out the window until a nurse came along to tell him to go to bed. All the lights shut off but Castiel remained upright in his bed, staring out at the night sky, wishing Dean would come see him or at least have gotten his message. He knew Dean had said he'd love him no matter what but this really felt like it was the end for them. He rubbed the empty spot on his finger where the ring had been, wishing for answers he didn't have.

The ride to the psychiatric hospital was long and reckless, and they nearly crashed several times. Car horns blared as Dean weaved dangerously through traffic and Sam kept screaming at him to slow down, his nails digging into Dean's sides, but eventually they got there and only got lost twice. By the time they reached the hospital it was 8 pm and visiting hours were probably over, if Cas was even still there. The doors were still unlocked and the lights were on in the reception area, so they let themselves in and didn't even bother trying to straighten themselves out. The tee shirt around Dean's hand was nearly soaked in blood and he tried to hide it by taking off his plaid shirt and pretending he was holding it, because he didn't care about that right now. He wasn't sure if his dizziness was due to the adrenaline rush from the crazy ride through the city or from blood loss, but he forced himself to ignore it. "Castiel Novak?" Dean asked the woman at the desk. "Is he here? I need to see him immediately, it's urgent. Please."

The receptionist was just clearing up after visiting hour, ready for the night guards to take over when two startled teens came blundering in, covered in blood sweat and twigs. She looked at them curiously, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, visiting hours are between 6-8pm. You've just missed it," she said with a small, sympathetic smile. "We also have a lunch hour between 12-2pm. Why don't you come back tomorrow and visit Castiel then."

Dean looked at the clock and then stared at the woman in disbelief. "No, please," he begged. Sam gave her the puppy eyes and stood next to him, both of them standing in front of the counter. "Really, it's an emergency. We need to talk to him. Can you please just make an exception?" Dean was begging and Sam was biting his lip anxiously. "We can't wait," Sam explained, "It's a family issue and we really need to speak with him." Dean wanted to scream. They'd been through hell escaping from their house and getting here, and John was probably hot on their trail at the moment.

The receptionist took one look at Sam's pleading eyes and rolled her eyes. "I get off in five minutes. That's all I can give you," she said with a tired sigh. She could do a little more paperwork or something whilst they talked to their friend..family member, whatever. They looked like they'd run here to see him. She didn't have the heart to turn them away. With the nurses on duty, she escorted them through security, then to Castiel's room, showing them in with a nurse. Castiel was still staring out his window, in a daze.

"Thank you, thank you so much," Sam breathed, both boys sagging in relief and quickly following where they were led. As soon as the door was open the brothers rushed into the room. "Cas!" Dean called, running over to him and grabbing his arm with his good hand. "Cas, I'm so sorry, Dad locked us up in our rooms and took away our phones and I had to break the window and ride your motorcycle here..." he trailed off and shook his head. He'd explain that later. "Cas?" He asked, his voice softer. "What happened?"

The nurse was ready to move Dean away when he looked like he was going to punch Castiel but instead grabbed for him like a worried relative and eased a little, stepping back against the wall to just observe. Castiel gently pushed Dean away, swallowing thickly when Dean was suddenly in the room and talking a mile a minute. "Woah. Slow down, my prince," he murmured gesturing for Dean to sit. He looked at Dean's bloody hand and swallowed thickly. "You should go to a hospital," he murmured in concern, blinking slowly, looking doe eyed up at Dean.

Dean stopped talking and slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, staring at Cas in confusion before he sighed in realization and looked at Sam. "He's drugged up," he muttered, and then looked back at Cas. "I'm fine, I'm fine. Shit, look at you." Castiel's eyes were wide and glazed and he kept blinking slowly and squinting a little and he was swaying back and forth slowly, his features eerily calm. "Cas, listen to me. What happened at the trial?"

Castiel wanted to protest that Dean wasn't fine when the word trial distracted him. "I lost," he said with a small smile. Feeling too content to be mad. "Lucifer walks free. Crowley's refusing to talk to me. I have to spend the next three months here." He said all this with a straight face before grinning a little, booping Dean's nose. "You're so pretty," he murmured adoringly, still looking at Dean's hand in concern. "Except that. You should go to the hospital so they can make you better."

Dean's jaw dropped and his throat closed up. There was nothing he could say and he didn't know how to react. Cas was too high to care but when they lowered his dosage he wouldn't be as carefree. Lucifer had been released from his prison sentence and Castiel had lost his job, and he was forced to stay at the hospital for three months." Sam came forward and sat on the edge of the bed, dropping his head into his palms and exhaling, his shoulders trembling. Dean was in shock, but he flinched when Cas poked his still-sore nose, bringing him back to his senses. "Son of a bitch," Dean said, his eyes filling with defeated tears. They'd reached a dead end. There was nothing they could do now.

Castiel's features dropped when Dean looked sad. He shook his head, shuffling a little closer, pressing his forehead against Dean's shoulder. "Don't be sad, my prince," he murmured, unsure where to touch him. Dean looked sore all over. "It's obvious now. I'm sick," he said as if this was reason for everything. "I'll get better and we can be together again. It's fine."

Dean sobbed and tangled the fingers of his good hand in Castiel's hair, keeping him close as he cried into his shoulder and held him. There was nothing to be said, and defeated sobs wracked his entire body. He squeezed Cas hard and leaned heavily on him, and Sam sniffled and groaned quietly, moving over and leaning against Dean's other shoulder. "I'm so sorry, baby," Dean murmured through his tears, rocking Cas gently. "I'm so, so sorry but I can't fix this, Cas. It's all over, I'm so sorry." Dean kissed his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut tightly, still rocking Cas although it didn't look like Cas was the one who needed comforting. "God, I'm so fucking sorry. I love you so much, baby."

Castiel was too drugged up to really understand why Dean was upset but he saw him crying and couldn't help but press a hand over the other's heart, making sure he was real and he wasn't hallucinating. "Don't be sorry, Dean," he whispered, still smiling a little. Why? He did not know. Drugs most likely. "It's my fault. I ruined everything." He frowned as if trying to think but came up short. "I love my kitten and he loves me. That's all that matters," he said with a bright cheery smile, tilting his head down to try and catch Dean's eyes. "You'll come visit me tomorrow?" he asked, seeing the nurse come towards them slowly. Seeing as their time was up.

Dean reluctantly backed away from Cas and wrapped his arm around Sammy to get him to stand up. He took a deep breath and composed himself on the outside. "We'll be back as soon as we can, buddy." He promised as the nurse led them out of the room and shut the door behind him. It wasn't until they were outside in the cool night air beside the motorcycle that Dean realized he'd just called Cas 'buddy', just like Cas did to Jimmy. His mentally ill twin. Dean felt sick, and was suddenly overcome with pain as the adrenaline of their crazy ride wore off. He doubled over, his ears ringing, and groaned in pain as he cradled his hand carefully, still not removing the blood-soaked tee shirt. Sam frowned and left Dean there by the tree, wiping his tears away and went back inside to ask the receptionist to call an ambulance for Dean.

Castiel felt warm and safe when Dean called him buddy. It didn't click with his that that's how he treated Jimmy. He was too drugged up to notice. All he knew was that Dean was going to come back and see him. The nurse had come back to check on him and even praised him on his good behaviour. That made Castiel smile in contentment as he returned to looking out the window until he fell asleep against the wall, sliding down into to bed, fast asleep.

About fifteen minutes later an ambulance came for Dean, and he and Sam were taken to the hospital. At the emergency room, Dean was injected with local anesthesia and his hand was unwrapped by a doctor, and Sam gasped when he saw it but Dean didn't care. It hurt like hell and it had all been for nothing. It didn't even look like a hand anymore; the whole thing was nothing more than a bloody, swollen lump. His ring and middle fingers were completely sideways and on his pinky finger the bone was actually protruding from the skin at the second joint, and his knuckles were just a mess. He felt sick when he looked at it. "You need reconstructive surgery to save those fingers," the doctor told Dean, and everything was a blur after that. The next time Dean opened his eyes he was in a hospital bed, which was becoming a far too familiar place to him. It was oddly comforting, except for the throbbing pain in his hand and entire arm and the fact that a John, Sam, and a police officer were all sitting right there. Dean whimpered unhappily and turned his head away from them, wishing he could fall back asleep and pretend this wasn't happening.

Castiel awoke the next day in a blur. He felt like he was working off a major hangover despite the fact he hadn't been drinking. When the nurse came with breakfast and pills she asked how the extra dosage had effected him. "Feels like I've been out drinking," he said, sipping his water gratefully as his head pounded a little as it tried to clear. The nurse laughed softly. "It'll get easier once your body adjusts to the medicine," she said, leaving the room but leaving the door open today. Apparently they were beginning to trust him a little more. Castiel took his pills and ate breakfast, not bothering to venture out just yet.

Dean could hear someone enter the room and approach the bed, but he didn't move or react. "Good morning, Dean," said an annoyingly cheerful female voice. Dean frowned and grunted in response, still refusing to open his eyes. "Or, good afternoon. Glad to see you're finally awake. Are you in a lot of pain?" Dean nodded and cracked his eyes open again, risking a glance over at the three people sitting in chairs across the room. Sam was chewing on his finger and looked exhausted and defeated, and the police officer was filling out paperwork. Finally, he looked at John and his eyes widened in disbelief. John was in handcuffs, staring blankly at the floor.

Castiel didn't try going out of his room until lunch time, taking a table and eating a little on his own before trying to find a nurse. "My fiancé was here yesterday. He was in pretty bad shape. I think he went to the hospital. Is there anyway of finding out if he's okay?" he asked. The nurse frowned. "What's his name?" Castiel scratched the back of his neck. "Dean Winchester," he answered simply. She nodded and smiled a little. "I'll see what I can do." Castiel nodded gratefully. "Thank you. It's much appreciated."

The nurse was saying something, but he tuned her out and just stared at his father, who wasn't looking back at him. A small paper cup was placed in Dean's hand and he absently swallowed the pills the nurse gave to him, but he wasn't paying attention to her. "What's happening?" He asked quietly, causing the police officer to look up and set down his paperwork. He stood up and moved his chair closer to the bed and gave him a small smile and a gentle pat on the shoulder. "I'm officer Anthony Clark," he said, "The police department received a call from your father last night saying you and your brother were missing, and suspicious evidence was found at the house and your father is under arrest for endangerment of the welfare of a child, since your brother is a minor, and other various charges were added when the house was searched with a warrant." Dean's head was spinning and he stared at Sam, who looked like he was going to fall over from exhaustion, and Dean collapsed against the bed and closed his eyes again.

The nurse came back a little while later. By which point Castiel had retired to his room. "I phoned through to the local hospital. They wouldn't tell me much but from what they said he's fine," the nurse smiled reassuringly as she popped her head through the door. Castiel let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and nodded at her with a small smile. "Thank you." The nurse nodded and returned to her duties, leaving Castiel to his thoughts. The trial was still weighing him down but being this drugged up he found himself feeling too care free to worry too much.

"Dean, you need to understand what this means." Officer Clark was saying. "Your dad is most likely going to jail for an undetermined length of time, and he is legally not fit to be a parent. A social worker was consulted this morning and it was decided that while you are recovering you will stay here and Sam will be placed in foster care. I know you're eighteen and Sam's sixteen and it seems ridiculous, it's all a matter of law and policy. You don't have a full-time job or enough income to support both of you and John no longer has a job and he is not going to be earning money to support you. Sam will have a foster home nearby and you will be able to stay where you want and visit Sam on weekends." Dean's eyes filled with tears again and his heart ached. "Why does everyone I love get taken away from me?" He whispered after a moment of silence, unable to think of anything else relevant.

Castiel spent longer than necessary sitting by his window, just watching the world pass. He didn't know what else to do and honestly, with these drugs he felt like there was nothing else he'd rather do but chill out. Despite that being the last thing he wanted to do. He wondered what had happened last night to Dean. He remembered him crying a lot. He remembered himself being very unresponsive to this fact. That made him dry swallow a large lump in the back of his throat. He just hoped Dean was okay and would come visit him soon.

Officer Clark patted Dean's shoulder in a weak attempt to be comforting and reassuring, but it did nothing for Dean. "I know this is difficult," the man said, sighing and glancing over his shoulder at Sam. "But I promise you it's for the best. Sam will have all his needs provided for and a stable household to live in, where he will be safe, and you will be able to stay here until you recover. Once you're well enough to go home you may, and you'll also be able to visit Sam on the weekends. And it's only until you finish school in two months and are able to get a full-time job, then the two of you will be able to live together again." Dean looked at Sam, whose expression remained unchanged. He wouldn't even look up from the floor, his messy long hair hanging down his defeated face.

Castiel sighed, deciding he needed to run. He knew where the gym was from being here with Jimmy so often but he decided to ask permission first. If he was to see this through, he didn't want to get in trouble and get a longer sentence. When the nurse showed him to the gym, he thanked her and went straight to the treadmill. He ran as much as his body would allow which wasn't as much as usual. He still felt weak from so much medication in so little time. His nurses had assured him his body would adjust soon enough and Castiel was willing to go through all this for Dean.

Dean sighed and rubbed his good hand through his hair. He hadn't showered in days and felt disgusting and he probably smelled too, but he couldn't do much with his injured hand. There was a heavy, thick cast and bandage covering his entire hand up to the elbow and he wondered how long he'd have to keep it on. He wished that it wasn't his right hand he'd destroyed, because it would probably take forever to recover and even then it would never be the same again. Dean turned his gaze to his dad. John was slouched forward in the chair, elbows resting on his knees and his cuffed hands held out in front of him. His face was grim and still and he was looking steadily down at the floor, and Dean knew that his and Sam's life would never be the same again. Their family had been broken for years, but they'd been basically functional. Now, it was really just Dean and Sam. And Cas, if they let Dean be with him again after all this. Jimmy too. After a few minutes of heavy silence, Officer Clark stood up and squeezed Dean's shoulder. "Hang in there, kid. It'll all get better eventually." Dean nodded but didn't look up, tears streaming steadily from his eyes. He didn't watch as the police officer led John and Sam away, and Dean wondered when he'd ever see them again. He was left in the silent room and he'd never felt more alone.

After running and showering, Castiel felt really dizzy. He'd pushed himself too far on the treadmill and he had to lie down after drinking enough water to stay hydrated. He ended up falling asleep, head pounding, muscles twitching as he relaxed. He awoke the next morning to a nurse handing him his daily pills. Castiel threw them back up twenty minutes later. His forehead cold and sweating. His whole body trembling from the side effects of the drugs. Dr Lee had him locked back in his room as they started him on a lower dose to get his body to adjust.

Dean didn't realize he'd fallen asleep, but he was on a high dose of painkillers for his hand and the next time he woke up enough to process his surroundings it was two days later. He felt groggy and disgusting and his arm was throbbing in pain. There was a cup of pills and water beside his bed and he quickly swallowed them all down, hoping it would help somewhat, but he realized he hadn't eaten in two days and it probably wasn't a good idea to take medication on an empty stomach. Luckily a nurse poked her head in the door about a minute later. "Oh, good. You're awake. How are you feeling?" She walked up to him and set a glass of ginger ale and some crackers down on the table beside him. Dean shrugged weakly and tried to sit up a little more, wincing as he felt dizzy. "Can I take a shower and brush my teeth?" He asked, voice rough and mouth dry. The nurse nodded. "I thought you might. I just need to wrap up your arm in plastic first." She pulled a roll of some kind of stretchy, thicker plastic wrap and wound it around the cast so no water would get in. After that was done, she helped him walk to the bathroom and get into the shower, and once he was in he was able to manage everything himself. There was soap and shampoo in there, as well as a razor and shaving cream, toothbrush and toothpaste, and he felt much better when he was clean and fresh.

Jimmy was wondering wide eyed around the hospital. He didn't like these places. Not after being imprisoned in one for so long. Even after turning 18 he knew with his condition his father would never allow for his release. Although..father had left a while ago now. Mother was in France. It was like they'd just forgotten about him. Even before he faked his own death. That's sort of why he'd done it. To lead his own life. It wasn't long into his new life he'd realized his life wasn't exactly worth anything without his brother there to see his achievements. He tiptoed around the hospital, before finally getting up the courage to ask where his family was. He was soon led down the hallway and into a small room at the far end. The nurse left, leaving Jimmy stood in the doorway with an anxious tight smile on his face as he waved awkwardly at Dean. "H-Hello, friend."

Dean was back in bed, his head spinning as the medication kicked in and his entire body felt numb and light. He was left alone for a while and drifted in and out of sleep, and his eyes widened when he saw somebody come into the room. "Cas?" He murmured, squinting at the person and then tilting his head in confusion. "Jimmy." he corrected himself, and waved at him tiredly with his good hand. "Hi," he said dazedly, the effects of the medication making him feel like he was in a dream.

Jimmy felt guilty when Dean assumed it was Castiel. The way Dean's eyes lit up a little with hope. He cleared his throat, shuffling into the room a little more. "I-I phoned C-Castiel," he said, explaining himself despite Dean not answering. "They said you'd be here a-and..well..I-I can't visit Castiel." He shook his head. He'd meant it when he said he couldn't go back there. "So..I-I thought I'd make sure you were o-okay."

Dean smiled softly at Jimmy's concern and gestured to the chair beside the bed. "Come sit with me for a little while," he encouraged, "It gets pretty lonely in here. Talk to me, Jimmy." Dean's head lolled back on the pillow and he adjusted the bed so it would be tilted up and he could sit up easily. "How are you doing?" Dean asked, looking at Jimmy sadly, "Did Cas tell you what happened?"

Jimmy looked hesitantly at the seat but made his way over eventually, sitting down slowly and brought his legs up to tuck his knees under his chin. "H-He punched you," he said, remembering the noise and the shouts. He'd hidden in the kitchen, too scared to say anything. "A-A lot." He bit his lip tugging at his hair a little. "He's in the hospital. T-That's all I know." He didn't know anything about Lucifer or the trial. Castiel had kept it secret from him. To keep him safe from all of this.

Dean nodded slowly and sighed. "Yeah, he punched me," he murmured, "I'm okay, though. Cas is gonna be in there for a while, though. If that's all he told you, I guess I should fill you in on everything else." Dean took a deep breath and closed his eyes, leaning his head back. "Cas was raped by Lucifer, and he's been pretty messed up ever since, and I thought he was getting better but really he was just getting better at hiding it. Sometimes I'd see the dark side slip through and I'd pass it off as a bad day or a minor setback, but all of that evil was still inside Cas and he was hurting badly inside but didn't know how to make it better. With the trial so close, he panicked and I think he hallucinated Lucifer, and he wanted to cut himself to let it out but I wouldn't let him and that's when he lost it and attacked me. I called the police and Cas got taken to the psychiatric hospital and I went to the emergency room to get my face looked at, and then the trial was happening and my dad locked me and Sam in our rooms and I busted my hand breaking the window to get us out and we went to the psychiatric hospital to see Cas and he lost the trial against Lucifer because he had no witnesses, he got fired from his job, and he's sentenced to three months in the psychiatric hospital. Oh, and my dad's in jail and Sam's in a foster home."

Jimmy simply stared at the ground whilst Dean talked to him. He remembered Lucifer trying to kill his brother before. I didn't exactly surprise him he'd try it again. He hesitantly held his hand out for Dean to take. His way of trying to connect. He still wasn't good with that sort of stuff. "I-I'm sorry I can't be of more assistance," he said stiffly, unsure how to comfort Dean. If it was comfort he was searching for. "This must be tough on you both. Will you brother be okay? Is he safe there?" He didn't know Sam very well but he knew what it felt like to be imprisoned somewhere you don't want to be. He could sympathize with him there at least.

Dean looked at Jimmy's extended hand and then looked back up at his face before carefully taking Jimmy's hand and holding on. He sighed in relief and squeezed gently, needing some contact and comfort and this was a relief. "Don't worry about it," He murmured, shaking his head and closing his eyes again. "Sammy's a tough kid, he'll be fine. And we've all got each other. But it looks like it's just me and you for a while."

Jimmy nodded in understanding, squeezing Dean's hand back a little. He wanted to pull away but Dean was holding on a little tighter than before. Perhaps he needed this more than he thought. So he bottled up his feelings about touching and just let Dean hold his hand for comfort. "I-I'm here for you, Dean," he said quietly. He wasn't sure what he had to offer other than video games and some basic food but he'd try. Castiel would be happy to know he was trying.

Dean closed his eyes and relaxed his grip on Jimmy's hand slightly but still held on. He knew he should probably let go but it felt so good to have somebody there with him and he didn't want to lose the contact. Jimmy wasn't physically trying to pull away even though he could, so Dean took advantage of it and held on. "Thanks," he murmured. "Cas is in the same place you were," he told Jimmy, "We should go visit him a lot."

Jimmy shook his head, "I-I can't." He went to pull away from Dean's hand but remembered he was supposed to be comforting Dean. "I can't go back there." He shook his head again, staring at the way Dean's hand curled around his, just having something to focus on instead of looking at Dean. "C-Castiel will understand." He felt a margin of guilt for being unable to support his brother like he had him but he couldn't go back there. Not after spending so long to be free of the place.

Dean nodded in understanding and opened his eyes again, dizzy and tired. "It's okay," Dean sighed, "Three months. Three months and then he's out." Three months was a long time to be separated from Cas, but he was still allowed to visit regularly. "I hope it does him some good," he said wishfully, "I can't give him the help he needs."

Jimmy laughed a little, blushing when he guessed it wasn't exactly appropriate to do so. "Dean, you've helped him a lot," he said quietly, biting his lip as he tugged at his hair with his free hand. "He has goals now," he said softly, remembering a time Castiel used to cry and tell him about the bullies at school. How life just seemed pointless and he had nothing to look forward to. "H-He has you," he said, unaware that Dean might not understand what he meant by that.

Dean watched Jimmy tugging at his hair, which was much longer and thicker now, and he felt uneasy. He wasn't sure what made him let go of Jimmy's hand and reach for the other one to pull it away from his head. He let go of Jimmy's hand after that with a sheepish shrug, feeling stupid. "He has me," he repeated, sighing. "Look what I did for him. Called the cops on him and got him locked up in a psych hospital."

Jimmy's eyes widened a little when Dean took his other hand. He sat on it the moment Dean let go, afraid he'd try holding it again. "Y-You kept him alive," he said, looking down at the floor as he timidly squeezed Dean's hand before tucking that hand underneath himself too. "Y-You're giving him a reason t-t-to live. H-He's found his soulmate and i-is pro-prooving to God that he'll keep you s-safe."

Dean smiled softly at what Jimmy said and looked down at his hand, resting in his lap. "He's the most important thing to me," he said quietly, and then looked up at Jimmy after a moment, noticing the way he was sitting on his hands and looked tense. "I'm sorry about that," he said, "I keep forgetting about the touching thing. I'll try not to do it anymore, I promise."

Jimmy managed a small smile when Dean said he was sorry. "I-It's okay. I-I'm just not used to it," he mumbled quietly, dipping his head down to stare at the floor. Later on, Jimmy left after a nurse had told Dean he'd be discharged in a week. He promised Dean he'd come back then to help take him home. He didn't have a car but the nurse had said Dean shouldn't travel alone.

The next week dragged on endlessly. He could practically feel his schoolwork piling up with each day of school he missed, but he didn't contact anybody. Nobody came and visited him and he wondered what people at school thought of his absence. He doubted Sam would tell anybody about this, and Dean missed his little brother. He hoped he was doing okay with the foster parents. But Sam was a good kid, someone any adult would want their kids to be like.

Finally, it was time for Dean to get out of the hospital. He was feeling much better after sleeping for practically the entire week, and he was still in a lot of pain but it was manageable. He couldn't wait to go back to his house and change into his own clothes. The doctor said he should stay home from school for another week and as much as he disliked going to school, he hated the thought of all the work he'd be missing and have to make up.

He'd already signed himself out clumsily with his left hand and was waiting outside for the bus to take him home. Jimmy was supposed to meet him and they were going back home to the Winchester house.

Jimmy was at bus stop waiting for Dean for about ten minutes when he noticed his brother's fiancé stood waiting patiently not far from where he was standing. So he walked over timidly and tugged on his left hand sleeve. "H-Hello," he greeted quietly. "I-I cleaned the house. C-Castiel told me to t-take you home," he said, meaning the Novak house. He'd phoned Castiel to ask what he should do and he told him to just keep an eye on Dean and make sure he was okay.

Dean smiled when he saw Jimmy approaching him and nodded to him. "Hey," he greeted. "Thanks for coming out to get me, I still feel kind weird from the drugs they've been giving me." Dean held up the little paper bag with his prescription painkillers in them and rattled the bottle with a grin. "These things will knock you out," he said before heading over to the bus stop to wait for the bus with Jimmy. "How's Cas doing? Did he tell you anything new?"

Castiel shook his head. "Just that he's w-working through his anger," he said with a small shrug. They got on the bus when it arrived, Jimmy paid the fare and made sure Dean got a seat because he was still looking pale. He sat down next to him, looking down at his hands in his lap and was silent the whole journey. He didn't like public transport. So it was best to keep in his head. To keep calm. They got back to Castiel's and Jimmy pulled out some food from the fridge, ready to heat up for lunch.

As soon as they were in the house, Dean sighed in relief and watched as Jimmy began heating up some food. "I'm gonna find some clothes," he said, shuffling upstairs. He went into the bathroom and gasped when he switched the light on. There were bloody handprints on the walls, smears of dark red dried and sticky on the countertops. It was clear there had been a struggle; the shower curtain rod was torn down on one side and things had been knocked to the floor. Dean shuddered and stepped back out, closing the door and going into Castiel's room instead. Luckily things were more in order there, and he found some clothes to wear in the closet. He didn't want to deal with the gruesome mess in the bathroom now, he'd take care of it later.

Jimmy had cleaned up most of the house besides the bathroom. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. He felt ill every time he stepped foot in there and he decided it was best if he left it for the moment. He'd been using the local gas station as a bathroom. He heated up some food and brought it through into the living room for when Dean came back down. He ate his own plate quietly, switching on the TV to the discovery channel.

When Dean was changed into some of Castiel's old clothes, he headed downstairs and found Jimmy in the living room with a plate of food waiting for him. "Hey, thanks." He said with a smile, sitting down on the couch with a groan of relief. He was exhausted from the painkillers and his hand hurt every time he moved it, and he knew it would be a while before he could take the cast off and after that he'd definitely need some therapy to get it back to the way it was before. He picked up his plate and ate awkwardly with his left hand, watching the TV program absently.

Jimmy ate quietly from one of the arm chairs. Amber was curled up fast asleep on the couch next to Dean. She was starting to sleep more with her pregnancy. She'd just curl up on the couch and stay there for most of the day. It helped assure Jimmy. At least then he knew where she was. He'd been worried with a litter on the way she'd go into hiding and try and isolate herself to protect her young but she seemed to trust them not to come near her.

Jimmy finished his food and put the plate back in the kitchen before padding upstairs. He came back down with an assortment of blankets, pillows and duvets. He set them down in the living room and pulled one of the chairs from the dining table to face parallel with an arm chair. He started draping blankets over the chairs and then set the duvets and pillows on the floor beneath it, creating a little den wedged in the far corner. He scrambled underneath with a small, shy smile and rocked back and forth a little, giggling to himself. "Y-You should j-join me. D-Dens m-m-make people feel better."

Dean gently stroked Amber's head when he finished eating, and he followed after Jimmy a moment later to put his empty plate in the kitchen. When he came back, Jimmy was moving furniture and draping blankets over things. Dean watched him curiously for a few minutes and then smiled softly and nodded. It was an overcast, windy day, and the idea of a den was appealing to Dean. He carefully crawled inside with Jimmy and found a comfortable spot to relax, curling up against a pillow pushed against the wall. He grinned at Jimmy and relaxed in contentment. "This is nice," he commented softly.

Jimmy smiled a little, inspecting his fingernails. "M-Me a-a-and Castiel used to make them," he explained. "Y-You say w-what's upsetting you and w-what makes you sad and it stays a s-s-secret in the den." He smiled a little, giggling a little as he rocked back and forth. "I-It's okay. I-I-It's safe here." He hugged his knees and sighed a little as Amber came and curled up in the pillows.

Dean nodded, his smile fading a little as he though of everything that was upsetting him. "You know what? I think I need alcohol for this," he said thoughtfully, "I'll be back in a minute." Dean crawled out of the den and went to the kitchen. He found an unopened bottle of wine and brought it back to the blanket tent, not bothering with glasses. He knew it probably wasn't a good idea to mix his painkillers with wine but he didn't care much.

Jimmy's eyes widened a little as Dean left and he hugged his knees tighter, shuffling a little to get comfortable. He watched as Dean brought back a wine bottle and giggled a little, weakly stretching out his hand to take the bottle. He'd never tried wine before. Castiel would never allow it but he wasn't here and Jimmy felt safe with Dean. He took a sip and wrinkled his nose, hiccuping a little before handing the bottle back sheepishly.

Dean laughed quietly when Jimmy took a sip of the wine and made a face before handing it back. "First time?" Dean asked, taking a sip himself. He watched Jimmy curiously and hoped that the wine wouldn't have a bad effect on him because of his autism. Just in case, "Let's not tell Cas about this," Dean said with a small secretive smile at Jimmy, placing the bottle on the ground between them. "I don't really think either of us are supposed to drink but what harm can it do."

Jimmy nodded timidly with a small cheeky smile. "O-Our secret," he said happily, glad to have a secret with his new friend. He picked up the bottle again and took a sip again. This time he was used to the taste. He thought it wasn't too bad and took another sip before putting the bottle down again. "C-Castiel used to tell s-stories a-and s-s-s-ing."

Dean took the bottle when Jimmy was done and took a few more sips, already feeling the slightest bit tipsy. It was happening sooner than normal and he guessed it was being magnified by the medications he was on, and he'd have to be careful not to drink too much and make himself sick. "Are you hinting at something?" He teased gently, "I don't really have any good stories. At least not the kind you're probably looking for."

Jimmy giggled a little, tucking his chin behind his crossed arms on his knees. "Y-You can s-s-sing," he protested quietly. "C-C-Castiel says you have beautiful voice." He giggled a little, rocking back and forth gently before taking another sip of wine and hummed happily. "I-I like this," he hummed, putting the bottle back down.

Dean blushed and took the bottle of wine from Jimmy's hand to distract himself. After a few more sips he shrugged. "Where's Castiel's guitar?" Dean asked, "I'll sing if you play." He winked and took another swig of wine before setting it down and clearing his throat with a content sigh.

Jimmy bit his lip and nodded, crawling out of the den before heading upstairs to get Castiel's guitar. He was nervous to play in front of Dean but the wine was going to his head and he felt confident and safe with his new friend. He went back down under and into the den with the guitar clutched in his hand. He took another drink from the wine bottle before beginning to tune the guitar.

Dean moved back a little bit to give Jimmy some space with the guitar, leaning against the wall and tipping his head back to watch Jimmy carefully tune the instrument. He held the bottle of wine in his hand and took a few sips from it, not knowing how much he'd already had and not caring. He felt warm and numb, and it was pleasant even though the room was spinning a little bit already. "What song do you wanna do?" He asked.

Jimmy shrugged a little, plucking the strings lightly to make sure they were in tune. "C-Castiel said you s-s-sung S-Simple Man p-p-perfectly," he said, suggesting Dean should sing it rather than go through the embarrassing process of trying to find out which songs Dean knew. He started playing the tune for the song lightly on the guitar, causing Amber to stir a little in her sleep but she didn't move.

The moment Jimmy started playing the intro to Simple Man, Dean's heart skipped a beat. He looked exactly like Cas had when he'd first met him, playing guitar with his head bent forward, oblivious to the world around him. It was so haunting that Dean didn't want to disturb the moment by singing, but he knew it was what he was supposed to do in this memory. He started out soft, just wanting to listen to the familiar song.

Jimmy stuck his tongue out a little in concentration, ignoring Dean as he began to sing. He could hear his voice a little and his brother was right. He was very talented. Hearing it gave Jimmy a more physical idea of the scene Castiel had described to him. How Dean had been pushing to talk to him after months of bullying. How he'd come out his shell as this completely different person. It was interesting to witness Dean's soft side for himself. He found people watching interesting. It helped him mimic them. Helped him seem normal. At least outside. He smiled a little when he'd noticed he wasn't playing anymore and was just listening to Dean singing. He laughed a little to himself and curled up and in on himself, feeling bad for ruining the song. He was supposed to be making Dean feel better and he'd ruined it.

As Dean got into the song, he forgot why he was here and just sang. The alcohol mixing with the drugs in his veins was quickly becoming more and more pleasant and he had a small smile on his face when he was singing. He didn't notice Jimmy stopped playing until he laughed quietly, and Dean opened his eyes and looked at him. "Why'd you stop?" He whined, his voice slightly slurred, "You sounded good. We didn't even get to finish the song."

"S-Sorry," Jimmy stuttered, putting the guitar down next to Amber. He moved it a few times before it was in the right place and took a few sips of wine to busy himself. "Y-You have a beautiful voice. I-I wanted to hear it but I can't concentrate on both," he said quietly.

Dean shook his head slowly and chuckled, the back of his head rolling against the wall lightly. "I... thanks," he said shyly, blushing a little. He wasn't at accepting compliments. "One of my favorite songs. You're really great at playing, Cas." Dean frowned and shook his head, looking apologetically at Jimmy. "Sorry. Jimmy."

Jimmy looked up a little when Dean called him Cas. "I-I-I'm J-J-Jimmy," he said, nose and forehead wrinkling in confusion. He took another sip from the bottle to distract himself and hopefully end the discussion. He placed the bottle on the floor, twisting it a little to get it in the right place before letting his hand fall back into his lap as he rocked from side to side little.

Dean cringed and nodded. "Yeah, Jimmy. I'm sorry, I don't..." he sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, feeling stupid. "You just... with the guitar and your face and everything..." Dean ran a hand through his hair and looked up at Jimmy apologetically. "Sorry. Didn't mean to do the twin mix-up thing, I'm sure you guys have gotten that a lot." Dean didn't like this. He was looking at Jimmy and seeing Cas, and he didn't know why.

Jimmy shook his head. "I-It's okay," he whispered. "W-We don't get mixed up much. W-W-We used to pretend I was Castiel. That there w-was only one of us." He laughed a little at the memory and rubbed a hand over his eyes tiredly. He took another sip of wine, already tipsy and feeling adventurous after being imprisoned for so long in that hospital. He could do what he wanted now.

Dean felt incredibly sad that when Jimmy and Cas were younger they pretended Jimmy didn't exist. That he was just another part of Castiel and wasn't even his own person, but Dean knew that was wrong. He could see a brightness in Jimmy's eyes, a soul desiring to be free from labels of society. Looking at him like this, Dean couldn't even tell he had autism. "Have you ever been in love?" Dean asked without thinking.

Jimmy rocked a little back and forth and shook his head playfully. "N-No," he giggled. "A-Alice s-s-said she could n-n-n-never l-l-love a freak," he whispered. He didn't understand the term unrequited love. He thought love was when two people loved each other. Not just one. He shook his head again, giggling a little to himself before biting his lip as a sad expression crossed his face.

Dean's eyes widened at that and he stared at Jimmy. "Jimmy, you're not a freak," he said firmly, "This Alice girl, she broke your heart? She doesn't deserve you. Don't waste your love on somebody who treats you like that." Dean felt sad for Jimmy but he didn't want to humiliate him with pity. "I'm probably biased, but I'm certain you've at least been checked out before. You're hot, Jimmy." Dean grinned at him reassuringly and nudged him gently with his foot.

Jimmy shook his head, smiling a little. "I-I-It wasn't love. She didn't l-love me back," he said as if Dean was an idiot for not knowing two people had to love each other for it to be called love. Jimmy blushed and giggled, shaking his head. "N-No. T-T-That's my brother. N-Not me. H-He's the hot one." He was blushing even as he spoke, embarrassed by his words.

Dean laughed and took another swig of wine before passing the bottle back to Jimmy. "Cas is hot," he agreed, "I'm not denying that. But dude, you look just like him. So, that makes you hot. Just accept the compliment, man. I don't just go around telling people how attractive they are unless I mean it. You, Jimmy Novak, are pretty easy on the eyes."

Jimmy blushed deeper, taking the bottle carefully from Dean and took a swig. "T-Thank you," he mumbled under his breath timidly. He placed the bottle back on the floor carefully but found himself leaning down a little with the bottle. His was body heavier than he'd been expecting. He sat back up, head spinning. Was this supposed to happen?

Dean smiled at Jimmy's blush and backed off a little, not wanting the poor guy to get all flustered and embarrassed. They spent a few minutes in companionable silence, passing the bottle occasionally. Dean was very drunk at this point, but it was a relaxed, lazy kind of drunk, not an excited stupid kind of drunk. He felt calm and happy and loose. "You ever kiss anyone?" Dean asked randomly, looking down at his cast and picking at the frayed edges absently.

Jimmy looked slightly confused at the question. Castiel had kissed him once. His mom had a few times too but he'd never actually kissed someone himself. He shook his head and bit his lip. "N-No," he answered quietly. He had to answer because this was their den. Where they shared secrets and answered things honestly. He couldn't just ignore Dean.

Dean looked up at Jimmy for a moment and then without thinking, leaned over and closed the distance between them. He cupped the back of Jimmy's head and held him there gently, pressing their lips together softly before Jimmy could pull away. Dean wasn't sure why he did it and he knew it wasn't right, but all he could see was Cas, alone and unloved, sitting on the grass in his stained art hoodie with his head bent over a guitar.

Jimmy's eyes widened as Dean pulled him close and kissed him with a sad tenderness. He just watched curiously as Dean pulled away slightly. He'd never been kissed like that. Not on the lips. His mom only ever kissed his forehead. This felt. This felt weird. Jimmy was curious it was interesting to say the least. He giggled nervously a little to himself before growing serious and shook his head. "I-I-I'm not C-Castiel," he said, his brain catching up with what had happened. Dean should only kiss Castiel like that.

Dean pulled away a little and looked at Jimmy apologetically, biting his lip. "Sorry," he mumbled, "I know, I just..." he sighed and looked down, not sure what to say. He didn't want Jimmy to feel like Dean was only doing it out of pity, but there was something else that made him do it, something that he couldn't quite put his finger on. "I'm sorry. You looked just like Cas did when I first met him, and... I don't know why I did that. You're not Cas but you're just as good as him and you've never been kissed and I guess I just thought you should have that too, you know? And now I'm rambling and I'm just... dammit."

Jimmy bit his lip, rocking back and forth a little as he tried to compose himself. He wasn't Castiel. Why was Dean kissing him? He managed to sit on his knees and lean forward a little to look at Dean. Not in the eyes of course but just about there. Just under his eyes, observing his freckles. "We're b-b-brothers," he said quietly, eyes wide and glassy from drinking. "B-Brothers only kiss when t-they're sad," he said, remembering how Castiel had kissed his forehead as a kid, crying his eyes out about the first day of school and how everything would be okay for them both.

Dean looked back up at Jimmy, who was still only inches away from him, and sighed. He leaned in again, his hand still lightly on the back of Jimmy's neck, and kissed his forehead this time, gentle and tender. He pulled back and removed his hand from Jimmy's neck, looking at him apologetically. He realized this was the first time Jimmy was acknowledging Dean as more than a friend, a brother, and it made him feel warm inside.

Jimmy frowned when Dean kissed his forehead. Something he was more familiar with that the kiss to the lips. It meant sadness and trust and family and Jimmy felt guilty he'd already broken his promise to Castiel. To keep Dean safe and happy. He held out his hand timidly, the only gesture he really knew and shook his head, averting his eyes back to the floor. "Please don't be sad," he whispered.

Dean hesitantly reached out for Jimmy's hand and took it, and for some reason his eyes filled with tears and the next thing he knew he was hiding his face in his knees and crying quietly, gripping Jimmy's hand tightly. His hand felt so much like Castiel's but so different at the same time. He didn't know why he was crying but it scared him that he was just letting it all go like this, out of nowhere. "Everything's ruined," he whimpered, "I'm trying to deal with it and stay positive but I just can't."

Jimmy looked at their hands, wishing he was better at this. Better at keeping his brother's fiancé safe. His own brother. "I-I-It's for the best," he said, biting his lip. "H-H-He won't hurt you if he works through w-why he's angry." He rocked back and forth a little, watching Amber sleep. "A few months of p-pain is better than the rest of your life."

Dean squeezed Jimmy's hand and nodded, trying to stop his trembling, but he was suddenly so scared. Everything hit him at once and he didn't know what to do. It was too much to deal with and he was absolutely terrified. "It's not just Cas," he whispered, "He's going to get better, he has three months in the hospital and he's going to get better. It's also my dad and Sam and my family's not even a family anymore, and I don't know what's happening. When did everything start going wrong?"

Jimmy was beginning to regret making the den of secrets. Dean was asking questions he didn't know the answers to. He took a breath. Counted to ten and tried his best. "P-People change," he whispered. "F-Familys reform. Y-You have your brother and mine. A-And me. F-Family..its p-people who are there through anything. N-Not just who y-you're r-related to."

Dean took a deep breath and tried to force himself to calm down, and already the panic was passing and he just felt tired. He looked up at Jimmy and wiped his eyes, still crying a little bit after a few minutes. He nodded and smiled through his tears, trying to not appear as unhappy as he felt. "Thanks, Jimmy," he murmured, "Sorry about this, I'm a mess. Maybe the wine wasn't such a good idea." He chuckled slightly and shrugged.

Jimmy swallowed thickly, letting go of Dean's hand. "I-It's the den of s-s-secrets. It's here to listen," he said quietly, hovering his hands over Dean's face, fighting with himself as to whether or not to touch Dean. He was already pretty tipsy and took a leap of faith, pressing his hands lightly against Dean's cheeks and pressed a small kiss to his forehead. "G-Goodnight, Dean," he whispered, moving back to slide his hands beneath a pillow Amber was sleeping on and carefully carry her up the stairs and into his room. He didn't feel comfortable having her sleep anywhere else.

Dean held his breath when Jimmy cupped his cheeks and kissed his forehead, and the gesture was so sweet and forgiving that it was almost enough to make him start bawling again. He bit his lip and looked up at Jimmy as he moved away and carried Amber upstairs, leaving Dean alone in the tent. When Jimmy left, Dean curled up on the ground, pulling a blanket onto himself and making a cozy little nest in the den to fall asleep.

The last few weeks had been tough on Castiel. He'd been unable to see Dean. Dean was still recovering and wasn't well enough to travel back into the city but they'd spoke on the phone. As well as Jimmy. Although Jimmy sounded more relaxed with Dean around which was good. He was glad his boys were helping each other through this. Castiel was currently pacing the day room floor nervously, getting in everyones way but he didn't care. Today Dean was coming and he'd never been more excited to see his baby again.

Dean was excited and nervous to see Castiel for the first time since the incident. He'd spoken to Cas on the phone but it would be different seeing him in person for the first time in almost three weeks. Dean had gone back to school and was getting back into a routine, and he had to make up stories for what happened to his face and his hand. His tooth still hadn't been fixed but he'd managed to make an appointment for a consultation, because it wasn't going to be cheap to get a replacement crown for his missing tooth. His nose had healed up pretty well but was still swollen and bruised, and just the tiniest bit crooked. His hand was still in a cast, though, and he was on a reduced dosage of his medications.

Sam was doing okay with his foster parents, which was one less thing for Dean to worry about. The family seemed nice and regular; a mom named Andrea, a dad named Scott, and a dog named Moose. Sam, of course, had fallen in love with the dog and seemed determined to prove to his foster parents that he wasn't just another messed up teenager from a broken family, he wanted to show them that even growing up in unstable conditions wouldn't stop him from being successful and confident.

John had been sentenced to prison for a minimum of five years.

Dean and Jimmy had fallen into a sort of domestic routine since they'd been living together. Dean hadn't even been back to his own house yet, because he didn't want to deal with the locked doors and broken windows. He'd been living at the Novak house since he got out of the hospital, and it was safe to say that he'd formed a pretty strong friendship with Jimmy at this point.

Everything was going well, except Dean had been having nightmares every night. He didn't want to tell Jimmy because the guy did not need one more thing to worry about when he already worried about everything too much anyway, so he kept it to himself and hoped he didn't wake Jimmy up if he ever woke up screaming. That was the reason he'd taken to sleeping downstairs on the couch rather than in Castiel's bed or the guest room, because he'd be less likely to wake up Jimmy.

Castiel saw Dean come through the door and grinned, walking quickly towards him as he wrapped his arms around Dean's middle, burying his head in Dean's chest. "My prince," he murmured happily. "I've missed you so much." The nurse cleared her throat and nodded with her head in the direction of the couches and Castiel nodded, taking Dean's hand to go sit in the lounge area, where it was quiet and he wouldn't disturb the other patients.

Dean smiled widely and pulled Cas close to him, kissing his cheek and sighing in relief. "God, it's so good to see you," he breathed, holding him for a moment longer and then going with Cas to the lounge. He smiled softly at Cas, now that they were sitting close together, reluctant to show the missing tooth that he was getting used to but definitely wanted to get fixed. "How are you doing? You look great."

Castiel smiled, nodding enthusiastically. "I feel better," he said. "I feel like I'm getting there. Another month and I think I'll be ready to start fixing things between us. Start making a plan of what I'll do when I'm free of this place. Y'know like get a new job. One not so stressful and start making you happy again." He smiled at Dean, taking his hand excitedly. "I'm just so happy to see you again."

Dean sat down on the couch and pulled Cas close to him by the hips, so Cas was standing in front of him and Dean was looking up at him. "I missed you so much," he murmured, feeling inexplicably guilty. "I'm really so sorry about the trial. If Sam and I had been there you would've had a better chance. I ruined everything and I'm so, so sorry."

Castiel shook his head, cupping Dean's cheek a little. "My prince, don't fret. It'll get better," he assured, leaning down to press a soft kiss to Dean's forehead. He ran his hands through Dean's hair gently, just taking in his appearance. It felt like forever since he'd held Dean and been able to just be near him. "I'm sorry too. For putting you through all this." He kissed Dean's slightly crooked nose gently, smiling softly.

Dean pulled Cas down to sit close beside him, and he buried his face in Castiel's neck and held on. He didn't want to let go because it had been weeks since he'd seen Cas, and he just wished things could go back to normal and they'd be alright again. "Cas, my dad's in jail," he whispered, "And I'm relieved. Is that wrong? Does that make me a horrible son?"

Castiel couldn't help the small relieved smile that stretched across his face. "No, my prince," he murmured, stroking Dean's back gently. "It doesn't. It's good he's locked up. Now you and Sammy are safe." He pressed his nose into Dean's hair and inhaled, washing over the familiar scent of Dean. "Soon I'll be out of here and we can be a family again."

Dean smiled sadly and sighed into Castiel's neck. "I just... I feel like I shouldn't be happy that my dad's in jail but I am. I feel like I can finally breathe now, he can't stop us from doing anything. He can't hurt us anymore. And Sam seems happy enough in his foster home and Jimmy and I have been spending a lot of time together... I think everything feels a little better. All I need is you to get better too." Dean kissed Castiel's jaw softly and hummed.

Castiel shook his head a little, leaning into Dean's touch. "We'll be alright, petal. We'll get through this. I promise." He stroked Dean's hair softly and sighed, closing his eyes and slouched against Dean heavily, letting the other just hold him. He'd missed that. "I love you, my sweet," he murmured, closing his left hand over Dean's. Despite their lack of rings. They'd get back to that. "We'll see this through okay."

Dean sighed softly into Castiel's shoulder and relaxed against him, happy to finally be in his arms again after more than two weeks. "I tried convincing Jimmy to come out here to see you but he didn't want to come back to this place. Nothing personal, babe." Dean backed up and looked Castiel up and down. He was wearing a white tee shirt and white hospital pants and socks, but other than that he looked perfectly fine. He appeared to be well-rested alert, not completely drugged up like last time. "You look good," Dean said.

Castiel shrugged. "It's okay. I understand. I still talk to him on the phone so it's not all bad." He smiled a little when Dean said he looked good. "Thanks," he said softly, fiddling with his ear out of habit despite not having his piercings anymore. "I feel good. Better. I'm getting better. Medication is helping a lot and I've got a real good therapist whose got experience with this sorta stuff so she not just another suit." He tussled Dean's hair with a smile. "How are you doing, my prince? You're looking better."

Dean smiled softly, still hiding his missing tooth from view. He shrugged a little and looked down at his lap. He knew he didn't look great still and he'd probably never really look the same, that and his hand was probably going to be painful and somewhat useless when he got out of the cast. "I'm doing all right," he murmured, "I've been better, though. Slow recovery."

Castiel smiled sadly, stroking Dean's hair. "I'm sorry I did this to you," he whispered tenderly. "I'm so mad at myself for hurting you. I'm going to spend every day of my life making sure you don't ever have to suffer like this again. You deserve to be happy, Dean." He shuffled away from Dean to come kneel on the floor in front of Dean. "You deserve better than me," he murmured, pressing his forehead to Dean's knees. "All I can ask is for your forgiveness and for you to give me another chance."

Dean looked at Cas sadly and then cupped his face in gentle hands as Cas kneeled at his feet. He didn't like this, the way Cas was on the ground while Dean was above him. Dean leaned forward and pressed his lips to the back of Castiel's head, lingering there softly and just holding him. "It's not your fault," Dean promised him, "We're going to fix you. And everything will be alright. I'm not giving up on you, Cas. And you shouldn't either."

Castiel looked up a little and smiled weakly. Dean was going to give him another chance. He felt like crying. He nodded softly, just looking back up at Dean with trusting eyes. "Okay, Dean. I won't. I promise. I'll get better," he vowed, eyes bright with a layer of tears that threatened to fall. "We'll both get better and then we can be together again. A-And I'll make you happy."

Dean leaned down to gently kiss the tip of Castiel's nose. "Baby, it's alright," he murmured, seeing the tears in his eyes. "Don't cry, it's alright. I love you so much and you've got a little more than two months left, and then you'll be able to come home. We're going to be absolutely fine." Dean kissed Castiel's lips tenderly and held his face in his hands, just gazing at him. "I'll make you happy," Dean promised.

Castiel couldn't help it. He just had to let a few tears slide down when Dean told him not to cry. Not because he wanted to annoy him but because Dean was so caring and sensitive that it made him realize just how lucky he was to have such an amazing boyfriend. He moved out of Dean's touch before he annoyed him further and wiped his own tears away. "I'm sorry," he whispered, looking down at the floor.

Dean slid off the couch and sat beside Cas, pulling him close when Cas moved away. "Shh," he soothed, cradling his head gently and wrapping him up in his arms. He moved so that Cas was leaning against him, almost in his lap, and kept him there. "Cas, you're alright. Things'll get better, I promise. We're moving toward the future and it's going to be easier." Dean wasn't sure why Cas was crying, but Dean just wanted Cas to know he wasn't angry.

Castiel sniffed and wiped his eyes again, leaning lightly against Dean. He didn't want him to have to support him completely. "I'm sorry," he whispered again, sniffing again. "I just want us to be okay." He bit his lip, shaking his head. "I love you, my prince," he whispered softly, curling a hand into Dean's shirt before flattening it out to smooth out the wrinkles. "My sweet, handsome prince."

Dean stroked Castiel's hair gently and held him. "We will be okay," he murmured, feeling a little uncomfortable with the whole 'prince' thing. It was as if Cas was trying to put him on a pedestal and Dean didn't like it, they were equals. "I'm not a prince," he said awkwardly, kissing Castiel's cheek. "Why do you keep calling me that?"

Castiel looked up at Dean through tear filled eyes, confusion crossing his face. "Because you're my prince," he answered honestly. "My lovely little prince with the fallen empire." His smiled curled slightly downwards into something sad as he sighed softly. "Don't fret, Dean. We'll put your empire back together soon enough." He stroked his hand over Dean's chest and rested his hand over Dean's heart.

Dean gently wiped the tears away from Castiel's face with the pads of his thumbs and shook his head. "Cas, I'm not your prince," he said quietly, "I don't deserve that title, and that's not how this works. We're equals and we stand on level ground here, baby. Please don't put yourself down." Dean kissed him softly and then hugged him again. "We're going to be okay."

Castiel shook his head. "I'm not a prince yet. That's a title I've gotta earn," he said quietly, voice soft. "You've gotta be noble and brave, like you to be a prince," he told Dean with a small smile. "I'll earn my title. Just not yet," he said, shaking his head. He curled his hand around Dean's wrist and pushed away his hand from his face.

Dean looked at Cas in confusion and moved his hand away when Cas pushed at his wrist, but he didn't back away. "What are you talking about, Cas?" Dean asked softly, not understanding what exactly Cas was getting at with this analogy, but it was making him sad. "Baby, you're a prince to me. You're a real survivor after all the shit you've been through."

Castiel shook his head again. "No," he said firmly, bringing his hand up to his neck to rid the temptation of tugging at his hair. "I'm a knight," he said, trying to explain to Dean how he felt. "I look up to my prince for guidance to show me the way." He looked down at the floor and shook his head. "I'm only as strong as the armour on my back. Without it, I crumble in the dirt, bloody and cold."

Dean bit his lip and buried his face in Castiel's shoulder. "That's not gonna happen anymore," He whispered, "I've got you. I'll help you get through this and everything will be okay again." Dean held Cas for a long time before deciding to change the subject to something happier, wanting to dry the tears from his sad eyes. "Have you made any friends here?" He asked, smiling a little.

Castiel felt helpless, unsure what to do. Dean was trying to strong but he could see through his disguise. He was as sad as he was and there was nothing he could do. "Dean," he murmured sadly but he'd changed to topic and didn't want to talk about it. He sighed, shaking his head. "A-A little. I volunteered to help with the music session seeing as I'm pretty good at it. So I've met some people but..it's hard. I just see Jimmy in them and I just..I'm finding it hard to relate to them. I don't belong here. Not in the same way they do."

Dean shrugged a little and rubbed Castiel's arm. "But they're helping you, right? Therapy and medication?" Dean didn't know what other types of people were in the hospital, but he guessed it was a pretty wide variety. Dean knew that Castiel was suffering from emotional distress caused by all the abuse he'd been through in his life, especially recently, and it was difficult to cope with.

Castiel nodded. "The medication is helping me control my emotions. I can feel a difference with them now." There was a pause before he continued. "I just mean...I feel like I don't belong here. I'm emotionally unstable at times but I can still do things for myself. I can cook and clean and take medication without being supervised. I just feel so restricted here."

Dean nodded in understanding. "Yeah, there's always a ton of rules in hospitals," he murmured, "But they have to keep you safe, Cas." He looked at him sympathetically and kissed his forehead. "It'll be over before you know it," Dean promised, "You get out soon enough and once that's over we'll have the summer to let things settle down. I'll get a job with more hours and see if they'll let Sam move back in with us, and you'll be getting ready for college."

Castiel bit his lip, shaking his head. "I can't believe they'll be no one there to see you graduate," he murmured sadly. "It's all my fault," he said quietly. "I'm so sorry. I wish I could be there, my prince." He stroked a hand through Dean's hair and sighed tiredly. "I need to run soon. But I'll wait until you're gone. How long can you stay for?"

Dean shrugged sadly and shook his head. He'd always wanted a normal family graduation, with Mom and Dad and Sammy, but that wasn't going to happen. Mom was dead and Dad was in jail, and Sam was in a foster home. "Maybe they'll let Sam come," he said, "But it doesn't really matter. It's just a stupid ceremony. We can celebrate later." He checked the clock on the wall and said, "I can stay as long as you want me to. I'm supposed to go visit Sam later but it can wait."

"I think visiting hours end in about an hour..do you want to get some lunch?" he said softly. He wouldn't tell Dean yet but if he was good he'd try and get let out early or at least earn a visiting pass or something to get out and see Dean's graduation. He couldn't let him do that alone. That wasn't a nice thought. He stood up and held his hand out for Dean. "Come on, let's get some lunch."

Dean relaxed at the thought of food to distract them both from their sadness, and he nodded, taking Castiel's hand and standing up with him. They walked to the cafeteria together and Dean looked around curiously. "How's the food here, any good?" He asked, slightly teasingly. "Maybe I can sneak in something you like. Or would that get you in trouble?"

Castiel shrugged. "It's not too bad," he said softly, picking up a plastic tray and looked over the food before picking up a banana, a plastic cup of orange juice and a turkey sandwich. "It beats cooking anyhow," he said with a small smile. He looked at Dean awkwardly and poked his visitors badge. "Although you'll have to pay for yours. Being an outsider and all."

Dean followed Castiel and got a tray, getting a sandwich and an apple with some coke to drink. He nodded with a small smile. "No problem, I figured as much," he said lightly, pulling out his wallet and getting out enough money to cover his lunch. They went to the checkout and Dean paid for his food, and then they found a place to sit.

Castiel saw a few of his friends and smiled at them before heading over to an empty table. Not that he didn't want to sit with them. He just wanted to spend every moment he could with Dean whilst he was here. He could go see Becky and Greg later. He sat down with Dean, waiting until Dean began to eat before touching his own food.

This reminded Dean of the first time they'd eaten lunch together in the cafeteria at school. There was the same tension between them and the way Dean felt slightly out of place and Cas looked a little shy. Dean picked up his sandwich and took a bite to distract himself, and he looked in the direction Cas had been looking and saw a small group of people smiling over at Cas. "Friends of yours?" He asked, nodding subtly in their direction.

Castiel watched as Dean picked up his sandwich and ate. He waited a moment before doing the same, nodding as Dean nodded towards his friends. "Yes," he answered quietly after swallowing his bite. "We paint together. I..I actually painted something for you." He felt a blush creep up on his cheeks but tried to ignore it and just continue eating his sandwich.

Dean swallowed his bite of sandwich and smiled softly, his heart warm. "Really?" He murmured, "That's really sweet of you, baby. I haven't seen any new artwork of yours in a really long time. I'm glad you're getting back into it." Dean sipped his coke and smiled affectionately at Castiel's blush. "Too much talent to waste."

Castiel's cheeks turned redder, if possible and shook his head. "We have so much time on our hands. There's not much else to do really." He bit into his sandwich again, nibbling at the crusts. He sipped his orange juice before finishing off his sandwich. He stared at his banana before make a small giggling sound in the back of his throat. He dipped his head down, pushing his tray to the side.

Dean smiled softly at Cas and finished his sandwich after a few minutes. "Can't wait to see your stuff," he said, sitting back in his seat a little to eat his apple. He watched Cas in confusion as he just looked at the banana in front of him and then giggled randomly, and it reminded Dean of Jimmy's nervous habit of giggling at everything even if there was nothing funny. "Cas, you okay?" He asked quietly, watching him with a puzzled expression.

Castiel turned red, nodding slightly. "I..I can't eat this in front of you," he whispered across the table. "I've still got two months in here. I'll go insane." He scratched his head, tugging lightly at his hair before letting go and placed his hand in his lap. "I-I know I said it's been hard to get back into that..sorta stuff but..without you around I sorta miss it."

Dean stared at Cas and then looked down at the banana, and he understood. "Oh," he said with a shrug, trying not to let anything suggestive or knowing creep into his voice or expression. "That's alright. I... if you want to eat it I promise I won't do anything. I won't even look at you." He grinned a little to let Cas know he didn't mind and he wasn't angry or anything. "You know, I am capable of controlling my urges, Cas. It's just a banana."

Castiel shook his head. "I can't..." It was stupid but he knew what Dean was like and he didn't think he could deal with innuendoes right now. He waited until Dean had finished eating to get him to come back to the day room with him. "I wanna show you what I painted for you," he said, plonking Dean down on the couch before running back to his room. Visitors weren't allowed there so Dean would have to wait in the day room.

Dean shrugged and finished his apple before going with Cas back to the room where they'd been sitting earlier. He sat down in the couch where Cas deposited him and then waited for Cas to come back. He felt a little strange sitting in this room by himself. There were some other patients around, and Dean couldn't help but notice that many of them looked like teenagers or people around the same age as him and Cas. There were a few other people visiting as well, and Dean smiled politely at anyone he happened to make eye contact with.

Castiel came back a little while late with an A3 piece of paper. He sat on the floor in front of Dean and kissed his knee before placing the painting on Dean's lap, unrolling it to reveal a very detailed portrait of himself and Dean. It was the very first photo of them together. On Castiel's motorcycle. He'd asked the nurses if they could get his phone from the safe and print out a copy of the picture for him to use as reference. He looked up at Dean with bright eyes, a little proud of himself for this one. "We look so happy," he commented with determination. "And do you know why, my prince? Because that's our future."

Dean looked at the picture in awe, completely speechless. Castiel had obviously spent a lot of time making this. His chest felt warm and tight, tingling with emotion, and his gaze darted over the picture which was so realistic and beautiful, and it really captured their emotions perfectly. Dean loved it. "Cas, this is amazing," he breathed, not wanting to touch the paper in fear of smudging it. "And I know we can be like this again someday soon."

Castiel nodded, rolling up the painting and stuck it next to Dean so he could lean his chin against Dean's knees. "We will," he agreed, happy Dean liked his painting. He just wished he could have his phone to take pictures of Dean. Just to keep documenting their lives. He was going crazy without that extra feature in his life.

Dean made sure the painting was placed safely to the side so it wouldn't get wrinkled, and he ran his hands through Castiel's hair. "I want to get that framed," he said thoughtfully, "I want to get a lot of your artwork framed. Especially those angels you painted a long time ago, Cas. It's all so beautiful."

Castiel frowned shaking his head. "You can't," he whispered, leaning back against Dean's hand. "They were lost in the fire." He'd lost a lot of things because of that fire. It was only recently after the reconstruction to his house was able to start building up a new life around it. Although it did mean a lot of photos and sentimental things were burnt down too.

Dean bit his lip sadly and continued running his hands through Castiel's hair. He'd forgotten about the things lost in the house fire. "I'm sorry," he murmured, "They were such amazing paintings..." And it was when they were still falling in love with each other and everything was bright and new.

Castiel dipped his head back down to lean against Dean's knees. "Sorry," he whispered quietly. "I'll do them again. I'll do something better." _I'll be better. _Castiel was pulling at straws and he didn't know why. He just wanted to please Dean. In anyway he could. "I'll paint your angel again. We'll keep it under the bed. And it'll be magical."

Dean slid his hands down Castiel's neck and shoulders and then gripped his arms, tugging gently. "C'mere," he said softly, "Why are you sitting on the floor?" Dean wanted Cas to be beside him, not kneeling at his feet and dipping his head down as if Dean were something to be worshipped and respected in this way, and it made him feel strange.

Castiel looked up hesitantly at Dean before coming to sit beside him on the couch, pressing his forehead to Dean's arm. "Sorry," he murmured quietly, kissing Dean's arm. "I love you," he whispered, closing his eyes as he pressed his fingertips over Dean's heart. "And I miss you a lot, too."

Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel and pulled him close, resting his cheek against the top of Castiel's head. "Cas, it's alright," he soothed, "I love you too and I'll count the days until you can come home. We miss you, babe." Dean kissed Castiel's head and stroked his hair gently. "Is there a guitar here you can use?" He asked curiously, "Jimmy and I have been using yours but we could bring it to you if you want."

Castiel nodded. "Yeah but it's not very good..but I'll manage," he said with a slightly nod. "You keep mine. You could use the practise," he said with a small teasing smile. He snuggled up closer to Dean, letting his hand press a little more firmly against Dean's chest, feeling his heart beat against the palm of his hand. Steady and strong. Just like his Dean.

Dean smiled tenderly. "If you say so," he murmured. It was almost time for him to go, and he didn't want to leave. He was already late to go pick up Sam, but he knew Sam would understand. "I should probably get going," he said reluctantly, not making a move to let go. "I'm supposed to pick up Sam and take him out for a little while, spend some brother time with him."

Castiel nodded reluctantly and moved away, keeping his head down. "Okay," he whispered, moving away from Dean. "I understand. Give Sam my wishes." He squeezed Dean's hand and sighed, pressing a small kiss to Dean's lips before moving away entirely, to go back to his room.

Dean kissed Castiel back and reluctantly let go of his hand to let Cas leave, and he felt incredibly sad as he watched Castiel walk away. Dean stood up and signed out at the desk up front before leaving and going back out to his car. He'd been able to get his car back after John had been arrested, which was a huge relief and made everything much easier. He drove to the foster home to see Sam for their weekly visit and knocked on the door. The foster mother let him in with a friendly smile, and the house smelled like freshly baked cookies. "Dean, it's so good to see you!" She said happily, and Dean smiled at her and then wandered into the house. Sam came downstairs a moment later with a wide grin plastered on his face. "Sorry I'm late, I was visiting Cas," Dean apologized, hugging Sam. The brothers spent the rest of the afternoon together, and things were going well for both of them.

Two months of doctors, nurse and therapists and Castiel was out of there. He'd volunteered with the music groups. Helped out in the library and did everything and anything he could to get the extra five days off his sentence to be there for Dean's graduation. He hadn't told Dean. And he hadn't intended on doing so either. He wanted to surprise Dean when he got up on stage and saw him in the crowd. The thought of Dean's surprised face had put him through the last two months. So now, with a prescription of drugs in his pocket and his ring back where it belonged. Castiel was on his way to Dean's school with what hopefully would be the beginning of something good.

Dean was bored out of his mind. All the seniors had been sitting in the auditorium for hours as things got organized for the graduation ceremony that evening. They were in alphabetical order and were instructed not to move from their seats, and everyone was chatting amongst themselves. Dean didn't know anybody near him, and he was way in the back corner with the other students whose last names were at the end of the alphabet. Finally, when he was about to fall asleep from pure boredom, the principal of the school told them all to file outside to the turf field where the ceremony would take place. It was a bright, sunny day, and Dean was hot in his graduation cap and gown. They had to stay in line and sit in rows of folding chairs on the field, and then there was more waiting around before families and friends started to arrive and fill in the seats behind the graduates. Dean didn't even bother scanning the crowd, because he knew the only person coming would be Sam.

Castiel was running late. The bus wasn't on time and by the time Castiel got to the school the ceremony had already started. He scanned around for Sam unsure if he was here or not. There weren't any seats left so Castiel stood at the back, watching as Dean stood in line to be called up to the stage. A proud smile stretched across his face. Dean looked so tired and bored but Castiel thought that didn't matter because deep down inside he knew Dean would be proud of himself for making it this far in his education.

The ceremony took an outrageously long time, especially for Dean since he was at the end of the line. Once he finally got called up to the stage, he was a little nervous, but the principal's smile was reassuring as he shook his hand. Dean had to stand there for a moment while the principal read some things about his achievements in high school, and Dean barely heard him. He scanned thr crowd for Sam and spotted him. Sam was waving to him exaggeratedly and grinning, and Dean smiled back. And then he looked around the crowd again to see if there was anyone else he knew, and that's when he spotted either Cas or Jimmy, sitting in the back row and smiling at him proudly. Dean squinted and there was no way he could tell the two of them apart at such a distance, but it warmed his heart no matter if it was Cas or Jimmy. The crowd clapped when Dean was allowed to exit the stage and go sit back down, holding his high school diploma in sweaty hands. Within twenty minutes, the rest of the students after him were called up, and the principal began his closing speech.

Castiel watched as Dean went up on stage and continued to clap louder and grin until his cheeks hurt when Dean saw him smiling back at him. When the ceremony ended, Castiel waited back for Dean. He was sure he'd want to talk to his friends and Sam first. He didn't want to get in the way of his life. It'd been two months and he'd barely seen Dean since his last visit. He'd been studying hard and trying to rebuild his life. They spoke on the phone but the city was just too far away for Dean to come regularly. So Castiel waited. Dean'd come to him when he was ready.

After graduation, the scene was somewhat chaotic. Everybody was milling around in the huge crowd, congratulating each other and kids looking for their families and vise versa. Dean tried to move his way through the crowd to find Sam, the press of people and loud excited voices making him feel claustrophobic. He was sweating in his gown and he was exhausted, and so many people came up to him to give him hugs and shake his hand that he lost count, and he didn't even know who some of them were. Finally, he found Sam, and was enveloped in a tight bear hug. "Dean, I'm so proud of you," he exclaimed, squeezing him tight once more before letting go and beaming at him. "So, how's it feel to be done with school? Are you excited?" Dean couldn't help but grin back at Sam and nod eagerly. "Dude, it's amazing. I can't believe it. Hey, do you know if Jimmy is here? I thought I saw him, but it could've been Cas. But I just realized he doesn't get out until 2 days." Sam frowned in confusion and nodded. "He was sitting right next to me, didn't you see him? You looked right at me." Dean shook his head, his facing lighting up. "I thought I saw Jimmy at the back," he said in explanation of Sam's puzzled look, "But it must've been Cas. He's here, Sam!"

Jimmy poked his head out from behind Sam and waved awkwardly, giving a timid smile. "Cas doesn't get out for a few more days," Jimmy said quietly, holding out his hand hesitantly for Dean to shake. "C-C-Congratulations, Dean," he said with a small smile. "W-We're proud of you." A few people kept coming up to Jimmy and asking him where he'd been. They thought he was was Castiel so like they did as kids, he played along, saying how he'd had work in the city. It was easier than explaining the truth anyway.

Dean jumped in surprise when Jimmy appeared out of nowhere and he shook his hand with a grin, barely refraining himself from hugging him. He looked between Jimmy and Sam in confusion. "I swear Cas is here," he insisted, "Unless I'm seeing double. I'm going to go look for him." Dean pushed through the crowd, stretching up to see over people's heads, and he made it to the edges of the crowd before he found him. He froze and just gazed at Cas, feeling like there was nobody else around despite standing in a crowd of people, and them he smiled softly and ran up to him, wrapping his arms around his neck and holding on tight. "Cas, I can't believe you're here, I thought you weren't getting out until Friday!"

Castiel watched from a distance as Dean went over to their brothers. He smiled softly, proud that his brother had come so far and had even made it to a crowded event like this just to support Dean. He made him smile. That's when he saw Dean, coming towards him a full speed. He wrapped his arms around Dean's middle and kissed his cheek. "Thought I'd come surprise my little prince," he grinned happily. "Manage to convince them I'm healthy enough to be let out early. I saw you up there. I'm so proud of you."

Dean hugged Castiel tightly and then backed away a little bit to grab his face and kiss him happily. "We need to celebrate," he told Cas seriously, poking him in the chest. "There's a huge party at the beach later and a ton of people are going, there's gonna be food and booze and it's going to be awesome." Dean kissed Cas again and then lifted him up clumsily and twirled him around, laughing breathlessly. He was so incredibly happy.

Castiel laughed a little, wrapping his arms tightly around Dean as he spun him in his arms. "Okay," he said quietly once Dean set him down again. "Just..keep me away from everyone. I'll just hang out with you and Sam and Ruby if she's there. I'm not up to talking to anyone," he said softly, running a hand through Dean's hair, just glad to be outside again.

Dean's smile faded a little and he looked at him curiously. "Everyone misses you," he told Cas in a gentle voice, "People have been asking me where you've been and I've had to tell people you finished school early and were studying in a university." Dean rested his hands lightly on Castiel's waist and looked at him, bumping their noses together affectionately. "But if that's what you want I'll keep everyone away."

"I'd rather do that, thanks," he said quietly, leaning into Dean so he could look into his eyes properly. "I'm sorry. You can go talk to people. I won't stop that. I just..don't want to myself." He moved away a little and gave Dean a sheepish expression. "Come now, my prince. Let's go find Sam and Jimmy and we'll head off. Yeah?" he said softly, taking Dean's hand.

Dean nodded and smiled softly at Cas and they headed off into the crowd, gripping each other's hands tightly so they wouldn't get separated. The crowd was beginning to thin out a little bit as people left to go to parties and celebrate with their families, and it didn't take them too long to find Sam and Jimmy, and Sam grinned at Cas and went up to hug him tightly. "It's so good to see you, Cas!"

"Hey," Castiel said, hugging Sam back tightly. "You too." Castiel felt really out of place and shy again after spending so long, mostly in isolation and away from people his age who understood him. He back away enough to see Jimmy and held his hand out hesitantly for him to squeeze. Jimmy did but kept hold of his hand, wanting to stay connected to him for a little while longer. "I-I-I'm sorry I kissed your soulmate," he whispered, looking down at the floor, eyes heavy with guilt.

Dean froze when Jimmy confessed about this kiss that Dean had been trying to forget about, because thinking about it just made him feel horrible and uncomfortable, and the last thing he wanted was for Cas and Sam to find out. Sam was staring between Dean and Jimmy with a look of horrified disbelief in his eyes. Dean bit his lip and looked at Cas hesitantly, not wanting to see his reaction. He didn't want Cas to get mad at Jimmy, and decided he'd rather take the blame for it and explain things. "I kissed him," he clarified, looking at Castiel apologetically. "I didn't... we were both drunk and he said he'd never been kissed and I kind of just..." he shrugged awkwardly. "That's all that happened, though. I swear."

Castiel's face dropped. He let go of Jimmy's hand and back away from Dean. "W-What?" He looked at Dean in disgust and shook his head. "You..you let my brother drink? Have you lost your mind? What if something had happened to him?" Castiel wasn't raising his voice. He didn't want to draw attention to them. He just shook his head, and walked over to Sam, needing to be away from the other two. "Let's just go to the beach."

Dean's heart sank and he looked helplessly at Jimmy, wishing he hadn't revealed that piece of information. "Nothing happened, Cas!" he insisted, stepping closer to him and trying to meet his eyes. "We were drinking wine and honestly I was way more drunk than he was because I was taking it on top of prescription painkillers which was pretty stupid and he was okay, and he was just right there and I missed you and he'd never been kissed so I did it. I'm sorry, Cas."

Castiel took Sam's arm, hoping he'd get the message and start walking with him. "We can discuss this later," he said, voice shaking a little. "It's graduation day. We're going to go to the beach and have fun." He ducked his head down to look at the floor and sighed, not wanting to even look at Dean right now. He just wanted to enjoy his first day of freedom in the sun.

Dean and Sam exchanged a helpless glance and they all began walking out to the parking lot. Dean slipped behind the wheel and Sam sat up front next to him, and it was extremely awkward. Dean wasn't sure if Jimmy was going to go with them or go on Castiel's motorcycle with him, and Dean wished he'd never kissed Jimmy. At the time it had kind of seemed like the right thing to do but after all this time it had turned out to be something extremely awkward.

"Give me my keys," Castiel said, not looking at his brother, holding out his hand. Jimmy did so hesitantly, glancing over worryingly at Dean. "Get in the car," Castiel ordered, walking away to find his motorcycle so he ride to the beach by himself. He could use the fresh air anyway. He rode off without even saying goodbye, not sure if he'd even make it to the beach to see them.

Dean winced when Cas angrily told Jimmy to get in the Impala, and when Jimmy did Dean looked at him guiltily but couldn't think of anything to say. Sam was looking at Dean like he didn't even know him and Dean just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. This was incredibly uncomfortable and Dean didn't know how to fix it. It wasn't like he'd cheated on Cas, and he hadn't exactly endangered Jimmy. He sighed heavily and began driving to the beach, hoping Cas would meet them there but he had a feeling he wouldn't.

Castiel ended up going to the beach. An hour after Dean. First he drove to a park and spent a good forty minutes staring at his ring in the palm of his hand like it meant nothing to him anymore. He sighed wearily, rubbing a hand over his face. He got back on his motorcycle and headed to the beach once everyone was there. He got a few stares. Obviously because they'd already seen him sitting in the sand with Dean. He didn't bother going up to them. He found a spot by himself and striped out of his shirt, revealing the toned abs he'd gotten over the last few months when he had nothing better to do than work out. He laid down in the sand, using his shirt as a pillow. His ring burning a hole in his pocket

Dean drove them to the beach in awkward silence, and once they got there he chose a parking spot in the corner of the crowded lot and then they headed over to an area of the beach where there weren't too many people and set their stuff up. Dean had put a bunch of beach towels and stuff in the trunk and he and Sam had both brought their swim trunks. Dean sat down on the sand and slipped his shirt off. "Jimmy?" He said carefully, "We'll explain it to Cas and make him understand,"

Jimmy laid out his own towel a little further away from Dean but close enough to hear him. He sat in the middle of it, fully dressed with his knees tucked under his chin. He shook his head. "I-I kissed his soulmate. H-He'll never forgive me," he whispered, hiding away from Dean, hoping to end the conversation.


	58. Chapter 58

Dean sighed and rubbed a hand over his face before taking out his sunglasses and putting them on. "Jimmy, I kissed you, you didn't kiss me. It was my fault and if Cas is going to be mad at someone it's gonna be me, alright? You did nothing wrong, it was all me." Dean spotted Ruby approaching out of the corner of his eye and he smiled at her, trying to act like nothing was wrong. "Hey, Dean!" She said, walking over to him and giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She was wearing a red bikini under a white cover-up, and a hat with reflective sunglasses. "Cas, I haven't seen you in ages! How are you?"

Jimmy didn't answer Dean. He knew in his heart he'd sinned. Dean couldn't convince him otherwise. His eyes grew wide when a beautiful woman came up to him and Dean and greeted them. Jimmy curled in on himself, trying to remember he was supposed to be Castiel. "G-Good," he answered shortly, blushing deeply. "Thank you..friend."

Dean looked at Jimmy and sighed tiredly. "Ruby, this is Jimmy, Castiel's twin brother. Jimmy, meet Ruby. She's Sam's girlfriend." Ruby looked at Dean skeptically and then looked at Jimmy. "Nice try," she said, rolling her eyes at Dean, "Cas doesn't have a twin brother, dumbass." She looked at Jimmy curiously, "You okay? You seem a little different." Sam and Dean shared an amused glance and Dean looked back up at Ruby. "Seriously. If Cas were here right now then you'd believe it."

Jimmy looked at Ruby curiously, then at Sam. Was this his soulmate? He'd never even heard of her before. He realized just how little he knew Sam. Maybe he should try to get to know him more. Although..he'd done that with Dean and had ruined the secrete bond between two people. "He..He is," Jimmy answered, pointing over to where he could see Castiel sunbathing.

Dean turned around quickly and saw Castiel, not having noticed where he was before. He stood up without saying anything and ran over to Cas as quickly as he could, nearly tripping over the sand as it shifted beneath his feet. Jimmy was left with Sam and Ruby, and Ruby was staring at Jimmy with wide eyes and squinting over at Cas a short distance away. "Whoa," she muttered, "You really are his twin. This is crazy, I could've sworn you were Cas! I never knew he had a twin brother."

Dean dropped down beside Cas and looked over at him with an apologetic expression. "Cas, I'm really sorry about what happened," he said.

Jimmy just stared bashfully at Ruby. "I-I never knew S-Sam had s-s-such a beautiful s-s-s-soulmate," he said, not grasping the concept that he'd basically just flirted with Sam's girl. He only meant it was a compliment. He just wasn't good at those. He shuffled on his towel, tugging off his shoes and socks to feel the sand between his toes. He giggled a little at the feeling and grinned a little at Sam, wanting to share this moment with someone. He'd never been to the beach before.

Castiel just looked up at Dean with one eye before closing it again. "You're blocking my sun," he said in annoyance. He didn't want to talk to Dean right now. Maybe ever. If he could help it.

Ruby grinned and playfully shoved Sam's arm. "Soulmate? Well, I don't know about that," she said, blushing a little, and Sam laughed and wrapped his arm around her waist. "So, why has Cas been keeping you a secret, huh? I just met you already seem like a really sweet guy."

Dean groaned in frustration and straddled Castiel's legs, just sitting there and staring down at him until Cas would meet his eyes. "Will you at least just listen to me?" He pleaded. "Cas, seriously. It was nothing. Do you seriously think I would cheat on you with your own brother?"

Jimmy watched the interaction between Ruby and Sam and blushed a little. She reminded him of Alice so much. It saddened him. She was just as beautiful with her long dark brown hair that framed her fair complexioned face. Her eyes soft and caring, just like Alice's. It made him sad they were never in love. Ruby reminded her too much of her. "I-It's c-complicated," he whispered, looking away.

Castiel grunted, opening his eyes and looked irritatedly up at Dean. "No. It wasn't nothing," he protested, crossing his arms over his chest. "And yes. You did. You cheated on me. You kissed him. That's cheating in my books. How could you do this to me, Dean?"

Ruby looked at Sam curiously and he shrugged, giving her a little nod to let her know that he'd explain more later. Ruby looked back at Jimmy and nodded in understanding. "Well, it was nice to meet you, Jimmy. Even though it really freaked me out."

Dean looked down at Cas and sighed in frustration. "It was the night I got back from the hospital and Jimmy and I were talking. He made a den out of blankets and we went in there together and I got a bottle of wine, which was a really bad idea, I'll admit. Especially combined with the drugs I was on. And Jimmy was drinking too but he was fine, he just got drunk like anybody else would and it wasn't even that bad. He was fine and I was way more drunk than he was, and we got to talking about you and he kept saying you're my soulmate and I asked him if he'd ever been in love and he said he had but it was unrequited and she didn't feel the same way, and then he said he'd never been kissed and so I just kissed him so he could at least be kissed, you know? And he looks just like you and I was delirious and that may have influenced me to kiss him... and then we went to bed."

Castiel looked up at Dean with horror in his eyes. "Are you kidding me, with this?" he asked, trying to keep his voice down. "Okay, that's it. Get off...get the fuck off of me." He rolled Dean over and off of him and stared down at him angrily. "You thought it'd be okay to drink whilst on drugs. You thought it's be okay to give my mentally ill brother alcohol and not be sober enough to take care of him if something went wrong. You think, just because he's eighteen and has never been kissed means you get the rights to do that yourself. He's mentally ill. He's not dying. He'll get his chance. Don't do things like that and act like you're doing him a favour. It's degrading and fucking sick. I get it. You miss me and you've got Jimmy as a constant reminder of that fact. But that does _not _give you the right to take him into our bed and fall asleep with him." Castiel got to his feet, picking up his shirt and put it back on, ready to go. "You make me fucking sick," he said softly, still not wanting to make a scene.

Dean pushed himself up and stared back at Cas in disbelief. "Cas, that's not what happened!" He exclaimed, scrambling to his feet and standing in front of Cas. "Don't jump to conclusions. I know that sounded bad and I wish I'd worded that differently but we did _not _go to bed together. I fell asleep on the floor and he went upstairs to his own room and fell asleep there. In the morning everything was back to normal. You can ask him if you don't believe me! Nothing happened, nobody's hurt, and we're both fine." Dean reached for Castiel's arm, not wanting him to storm off and leave Dean there without letting him explain. "Cas, please. Don't be like this, I wasn't thinking clearly. I'm an idiot and an asshole, but I did not sleep with your brother in any sense of the word."

Castiel scoffed a little, annoyed how Dean was holding him back. He wanted to storm off. "Yeah. You are an asshole," he agreed in annoyance. "You were supposed to keep him safe, Dean. I know nothing happened but what if it did." He shook his head, pulling out of Dean's grip. "I've already lost him once," he murmured under his breath. This wasn't about Dean cheating at all. This was about being unable to control what happened to those around him. He walked past Dean and went straight to his brother, hugging him tight. Jimmy was shocked and a little skittish but let Castiel hug him. His own arms hesitantly wrapping around his brother in a slight embrace.

Dean bit his lip and slumped in defeat, watching helplessly as Cas walked away and go right up to Jimmy and hug him. He didn't know what to do to fix this, and he felt sick to his stomach. This was supposed to be a good day. It was graduation, and Cas had just gotten out of the psych hospital, and they were supposed to move towards their future together, not get into a fight as soon as they're back together again.

Sam and Ruby both took a step back awkwardly when Cas walked over and grabbed Jimmy without even saying anything, and Sam looked past Jimmy and saw Dean standing there alone, looking nervous and unhappy with his hands stuffed in his pockets and his head dipped down to stare at his feet. "Cas, are you okay? What did Dean do this time?"

Jimmy looked just as confused as Sam did but he just allowed his brother to go through whatever breakdown he was having right now and hug him. Alice had told him hugs were acceptable. So he let Castiel hug him until he sat down on the towel beside him. "He kissed my brother and gave him alcohol he doesn't seem to understand that that's a bad thing," he said to Sam, still watching over Jimmy. He shook his head, shoulders slumped. "I..I just don't want to loose him again," he said, tussling Jimmy's hair before Jimmy got annoyed and swatted his hand away. "Y-You'll l-l-loose your soulmate if y-y-you p-p-punish him for something that is already forgiven," Jimmy said quietly, tucking his knees back under his chin. Castiel sighed, getting back up to get Dean and just hugged him tightly.

Sam rose his eyebrows and eyed Jimmy worriedly, but he seemed fine and not too traumatized by what was happening, which was a relief. Sam knew Dean only meant well, but that didn't stop him from thinking his brother was a total idiot for giving Jimmy alcohol. But Cas didn't seem as angry as he did before, and Sam breathed a sigh of relief when Cas got up and walked over to Dean and hugged him.

Dean automatically melted into Castiel's familiar body and hugged him back before he even knew what was happening. But then he pushed away so he could see Cas, and he looked at him in uncertainly. "I'm really sorry," he said earnestly, "I didn't think there'd be a problem with letting him drink because he's not on medications and I'm sorry I'm so stupid."

Castiel sighed, just letting Dean hold him. "Yeah. You're stupid," he agreed, pulling away enough to meet Dean's eyes. "But you were. That's my point. If something went wrong there was no safety net there for him. You were supposed to be making sure he was okay because I couldn't be there for him. I trusted you to do this for me and..I guess I just got scared hearing something might have gone wrong."

Dean looked down unhappily and pulled away from Cas, feeling like total shit and not deserving this forgiveness. Cas had a right to be angry and Dean could understand that, but Cas didn't need to be angry at Jimmy for this. "Please don't get mad at him, it was all my fault. I guess... after spending so much time with him I thought he'd be fine, you know? He's pretty capable of taking care of himself, Cas."

Castiel shook his head. "I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed." He looked up at Dean tiredly. "He's family. I expect him to be treated like such. Being fussed over even though you know he can take care of himself. It's just something you do. You wouldn't treat Sam like that would you? You still worry about him like he's a little kid. You should be doing the same for Jimmy."

Dean bit his lip and fumbled with the cast on his hand awkwardly. "I'm really sorry, Cas." He felt completely miserable and hated himself for letting Cas down. "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" He looked up at Cas hopefully. It was one thing when the two of them had a disagreement, but it was a whole different situation when somebody else they cared about got involved.

Castiel shook his head, sighing tiredly. "Just don't let it happen again. You've been with him three months. This was something that happened on what, like one of the first nights? You've been okay since then right? There's no need to drag this out. This is supposed to be your day. Just..just don't assume my brother can look after himself, okay?"

Dean nodded tightly and looked up at Cas again. "Cas, he was on his own for months, remember? We don't know what he was doing or where he was after he faked his own death and he managed to take care of himself just fine. I know he's not my brother and I don't know everything about him, but I've lived with him for three months and we've gotten to know each other pretty well. Maybe you're not giving him enough credit." Dean sighed and looked over at Jimmy, who was still with Sam and Ruby and they were all smiling.

Castiel ran a hand through his hair, trying not to pull on it. "I get that. But he's still my brother, Dean. Sam's been in a foster home, what? Two and a half months now? You look me in the eye and tell me you don't worry about him because I know you do. Despite how well he's doing because that's what brothers do. They worry."

Dean looked back at Cas with an unhappy frown. He knew he deserved to be told off like this, but he hated it nonetheless and still wanted to try to defend himself, but he knew it was useless. So he just nodded and lowered his head submissively, shoulders slumping in defeat. "Okay," he murmured, "I'm sorry."

Castiel couldn't keep up his angry face for long. He wrapped his arm around Dean's middle. His other hand cradling his head as he got Dean to lean against him. "S'okay," he said softly, stroking Dean's hair. "This is your day. Let's not fight. I just worry about you all. Being stuck in that hospital where I can't help you just made it worse." He looked over at the sea and smiled a little. "Why don't you go for a swim and show me how sexy you can look wet," he teased, trying to change the topic.

Dean willingly leaned into Cas, craving the forgiveness and love that he was giving him. He smiled in relief and hugged him back and then looked at Cas with a hesitant smile. "I'll only go in the water if you do too," he tentatively teased back, "It's no fun going swimming by yourself. And I might need a lifeguard with this ridiculous cast weighing me down." He held up his hand, which had been wrapped in waterproof plastic material to keep the cast from getting wet, and then he realized what he'd said and hoped Cas didn't think about the time he'd tried to drown himself. It never occurred to him that Cas might not be comfortable swimming after the bad things that had happened to him in the water.

Castiel shook his head. "Why don't you go in with Sam?" he said, avoiding Dean's offer. He didn't want to go in. He hadn't been in the water since he'd tried to drown Jimmy a few months back. Plus he didn't have any trunks. He didn't want anyone to see his scars either. He was still pretty self conscious about that. "I should probably spend some time with Jimmy anyways."

Dean nodded in understanding and squeezed Castiel's arm gently. He gave him a small smile and then took his hand, leading him back over to the others. Ruby stared between Jimmy and Cas, squinting at them as if trying to find a physical difference between the two, and she shook her head in amazement. "I can't believe this," she said, smiling shyly. Sam grinned at her. "Took me a while to get used to it," he admitted, smiling over at Cas and Jimmy affectionately.

Castiel smiled politely, not really in the mood to talk to Ruby..or anyone for that matter. He sat down on Dean's towel and looked over at Jimmy with a small smile. "You okay, buddy?" he asked quietly. Jimmy nodded and Castiel took his shirt off again, getting comfy to sunbathe. "Good. We'll go get ice-cream in a bit, yeah?" Jimmy nodded enthusiastically and Castiel laughed lightly, closing his eyes, arms behind his head working as a pillow.

Dean looked down at Cas and took a moment to appreciate those nicely toned six-pack abs and the lean, muscular body that Castiel worked so hard to maintain. His perfectly formed body was marred by so many old scars, but to Dean they were beautiful and reminded him of the past and how far they've come and how lucky they were to have each other. "It's hot," Sam complained a moment later, "I'm going swimming. You guys coming?" He said to Ruby and Dean, and they both nodded and raced off after him into the ocean.

Castiel sighed, feeling more relax now it was just him and Jimmy. That was until Jimmy decided to point out his scars. He blinked irritably and lowered his arms down to his sides instead. "Damn it, Jimmy," he muttered. "Just one day. Please," he begged. Jimmy bit his lip nodding. "S-Sorry. I-I'm just proud o-of you." Castiel sighed, looking up at his brother through squinted eyes. "Yeah. Me too."

Dean spent the rest of the afternoon splashing around in the waves with Sam and Ruby, and there was an embarrassingly hilarious moment when a wave crashed into Ruby, and tiny as she was, she was knocked down and her bikini top came off. Luckily, nobody saw anything, but Dean whistled and catcalled and Sam ran at him and wrestled him down, pinning him underwater. Ruby came over and participated and Dean splashed desperately and gasped for air, spitting out water, all of them breathless with laughter.

Eventually, after a few hours, the salt started stinging their eyes and made their skin itch, so they headed in to the beach, dripping water and their hair caked with salt. When they reached the towels again, Dean leaned over Cas and gave him a big wet, salty kiss and ruffled his hair, smiling happily. The beach was still crowded with graduates, but people were calming down and the sun was getting a little lower in the sky. "Have a good nap?" He teased Cas, running a hand down his side, feeling the sun-warmed, tanned skin.

Castiel hadn't realized when he'd fallen asleep and grimaced when he felt something wet press against him. He opened his eyes to see Dean hovering over him. "Ew, get off," he mumbled, pushing Dean away and stood up before Dean could get him even more wet. He put his shirt back on, feeling like any more sun and he'd burn. Jimmy had retired into the shade not far away under Ruby's sunblocker.

Dean laughed and moved aside, collapsing on his back on a towel. He was exhausted after spending so much time fighting the waves and running around, and his skin felt hot and itchy. "I'm thirsty," he said, realizing how dry his mouth was, "You guys wanna go soon?" He searched around and found his shirt, shaking out the sand and slipping it back on. The warm wind quickly dried his hair and skin.

Castiel nodded. "Yeah, I'll see you later. I'm gonna take the bike back while you take Sam back." He kissed Dean's cheek chastely and walked away without saying goodbye to anyone. Didn't feel the need to. He hadn't exactly spoken to any of them. He'd make it up to them another time. Right now he was just tired from being in the fresh air for what felt like the first time. He headed home and set up his and Dean's bedroom with clean sheets before lying in the middle with a tired sigh.

After Sam said goodbye to Ruby and they gathered up their stuff, Cas and Jimmy were already walking away to the parking lot and Dean and Sam followed at a slow pace, both of them exhausted. "No sand on the upholstery," Dean warned Sam, who rolled his eyes and brushed all the sand off before getting into the scorching hot car. They both burned their hands on the metal of the seat belts, which was just one of the experiences of summer. Dean blasted the AC and the radio as they drove home, and Dean dropped Sam off at the foster home and then went to the Novak house since he'd basically moved in there with Jimmy and all his stuff was there. He hated sleeping in an empty house. He draped his sandy, wet towel over the porch railing to dry in the breeze and left his shoes outside so he wouldn't track sand through the house, and he went inside and headed straight for the shower.

Castiel heard Jimmy and Dean come back and sighed contently. He felt warm and tired after the sun and sat up a bit, looking for after-sun cream just to make sure he didn't peel or damage his skin. He found a bottle in a box of Dean's things and took off his top, rubbing the cream into his skin and sighing at it's cool relief. He put the bottle on the side for Dean when he came out of the shower and sat back on the bed, unsure what to do with himself. He'd spent the last thew months playing games and sitting in isolation. He wasn't really sure what to do now.

Dean took a cool shower, hoping to ease the burn from the sun and salt on his skin, and it helped a little. When he finished showering he studied his face in the mirror. He'd gotten a ton of new freckles and the ones he already had were darker and much more noticeable now, but luckily his face hadn't burned. The tops of his shoulders were slightly burned but the rest of him was tanned from the sun and he was relieved he didn't have to deal with a painful sunburn. He wrapped a towel around his waist and walked to the bedroom, and he smiled when he saw Cas sitting on the bed. "Hey, sexy," he greeted, going over to the dresser and getting out a pair of boxers.

"Hey," he said softly, getting the bottle of lotion and got Dean to sit on the edge of the bed once he'd put on some underwear. He helped run the lotion into his back and looked sympathetically at Dean's shoulders as he rubbed in the lotion. "You have fun today?" he asked quietly. "Sam looked like he had fun," he said, knowing it must be hard for Dean with his brother away with a different family.

Dean let Cas rub the soothing cream onto his skin and sighed in relief when it cooled the burn on his shoulders. It felt good to sit down and relax after the busy day. "Yeah, it was nice to spend some time with him, he really likes his foster parents, they're nice people." Dean had to admit it was a relief to not have to worry about Sam as much anymore, but now he had to concentrate on getting a higher income. "So, first night back after three months," he said, smiling softly at Cas over his shoulder. "How's it feel?"

Castiel smiled, glad Dean felt confident about Sam's wellbeing. "Good," he said softly. "A little weird but I think I'll be okay." He put the bottle of lotion down and looked at Dean's back for a moment, biting his lip. "Although..I'd feel better if you'd do me the honour of putting this back on," he said, plucking his engagement ring out of his jean pocket and held out his left hand hesitantly.

Dean looked down at the ring in Castiel's palm and his extended hand, and he carefully picked up the ring out of Castiel's hand and then slowly slid it onto his ring finger, where it belonged and fit perfectly. He smiled softly at Cas and then raised the hand up to kiss the ring. Dean had gotten his back after John was arrested, and he'd been wearing it ever since. "I bet it'll feel good to sleep in your own bed again," He commented, smoothing the cool linen sheets.

Castiel smiled and blushed a little as Dean kissed his hand. "You have no idea," he whispered with a small smile. He stretched out his back and hummed a little pressing his forehead to Dean's shoulder. "Especially with my kitten beside me. I've missed having you to sleep beside. It's been lonely," he murmured sadly, closing his eyes.

Dean nodded in agreement and pressed a gentle kiss to Castiel's temple, running a hand through his hair. The ceiling fan was whirring quietly above them, sending a refreshing breeze through the warm room. He didn't want to tell Cas about the nightmares he'd been having lately, but hopefully they'd be calmed by Castiel's presence. "You're telling me," he murmured, "This bed felt too empty without you. I ended up sleeping on the couch a lot of the time."

Castiel's heart dropped at that. His eyes softening a little as he brushed a hand gently across Dean's cheek. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean for you to..feel sad without me. Sleep here tonight. With me." He shuffled a little on the bed so he was closer to Dean, legs pressed against against Dean's side. "We're both here now," he murmured, playing with Dean's hair.

Dean looked at Cas with wide, trusting eyes and nodded, smiling softly. "I want to," he said, "Sleep here. In this bed. With you." Dean leaned forward and brushed his nose against Castiel's slightly sunburned cheek. "I missed you so much," he murmured, kissing Castiel's cheek and then laying back on the bed with a groan of relief, splaying out and letting the fan cool his hot skin.

Castiel smiled down at Dean, trailing his fingertips over Dean's stomach before lying down with his and just let his hand rest there instead over the hot skin. "I missed you too," he whispered sadly, pressing a kiss to Dean's shoulder. "I'm glad to be back."

Dean hummed contentedly as Castiel's cool fingers touched his stomach gently, and he wrapped an arm around Cas and pulled him close for a moment before relaxing his hold and sprawling out on the bed. He closed his eyes and melted into the comfortable mattress, pleasantly exhausted, and he didn't even try to stop himself from falling fast asleep.

Castiel watched as Dean fell asleep for a few minutes before falling asleep himself. The day had been long and eventful and being out in the sun had made him tired, despite having had a nap earlier. He didn't bother taking his clothes off. He was just content to fall asleep where he was, with Dean beside him.

Dean slept soundly for the first time in months, and it was because Cas was finally beside him again, their arms and legs touching occasionally beneath the sheets. It was calming and reassuring to him, and when he woke up in the morning he felt well-rested and content. It was the first day of summer vacation after his last day of high school, and he smiled and stretched languidly, looking over at Cas who was still asleep.

Castiel didn't snuggle up to Dean during the night. After being alone for so long it felt weird to just go back into routine like nothing had happened. They'd get there though. It still felt nice to have the warmth of Dean's body close to him. He was half asleep when Dean moved beside him. His hand reached out subconsciously for Dean and gently fisted in his shirt to make sure he was still there. He made a small noise in the back of his throat as he buried his face further into the pillows.

Dean smiled softly as Cas moved beside him, the sheets rustling as Cas mumbled something incoherently and pushed his face into the pillows. "Morning," Dean mumbled, rolling over to loosely wrap an arm around Castiel's waist and press a kiss against the back of his neck, breathing in that familiar scent that he'd missed.

Castiel hummed, letting a small smile soften his features. He wrinkled his nose as he let out a low yarn and wriggled out of Dean's hold so he could see the other. "Morning," he murmured, looking down at his hand to find his ring still there. It felt weird to be wearing it again but he was glad for it. It meant Dean still wanted him. Despite his flaws and mistakes. "You sleep okay?" he asked gently, stroking back Dean's hair.

"Mm-hm," Dean hummed, looking at Cas with a warm smile. "It's really good to have you back, I like waking up with you." Dean took Castiel's hand and played with his fingers absently as Castiel's hand stroked through his hair. "It was really lonely without you, babe." Dean kissed Castiel softly and stroked his face gently. "I'm finally done with school," he said, his voice quiet with awe. "We can start our lives now."

Castiel smiled back at Dean and leaned into his touch a little. "I missed you too, Dean," he said quietly, looking over the other's face memorizing just how happy he looked. "Yeah," he agreed in awe. "We can be happy." He pressed a soft kiss to Dean's lips, letting his hand run over Dean's exposed hip slowly. He was still wearing yesterday's clothes while Dean was still in just his boxers but he didn't care. He was too comfortable to let it matter right now.

"I've been thinking," Dean began slowly, closing his eyes again, "I'm going to need a job that pays better and I was thinking about bartending. Obviously I have to wait three years until I'm 21 but I've been doing some research and bartenders earn pretty good money, if you're working in the right city. But for now I'm gonna try working more hours at the garage and maybe waiting tables at the Roadhouse on evenings. What do you think?"

Castiel smiled softly, stroking up Dean's side and over his stomach. "That sounds great," he said softly. "Although I can imagine bartending getting a little tedious. What with all those drunken gals flirting with my man." He chuckled a little, pressing a kiss to the dip in Dean's collarbone. "It sounds good though. You should go for it."

"Drunken flirting? Not gonna happen," Dean said with a playful smile, wigging the fingers of his left hand, the ring glinting in the sun. "Not when I'm wearing this. And especially not when you stop by the bar to wait for my shift to end, and I can lean over the counter and kiss you and everyone will know I'm yours."

Castiel grinned happily a warm filling his chest. "That sounds amazing," he murmured, kissing Dean's nose briefly before moving back to grin idiotically at Dean. "You're amazing." He squeezed Dean's hip lightly before moving his hand back up and over his arm, stroking the skin soothingly. "I'm so glad to be back here with you. I've missed you like crazy."

Dean smiled happily, closing his eyes again and snuggling a little closer to Cas. He couldn't get enough of the gentle little touches, steady over his skin. "I'm glad you're here, baby." He agreed, nudging his nose against Castiel's jaw. "What about you? Did Crowley really fire you?"

Castiel hummed, scooting closer to Dean and wrapped his hand a bit more firmly around Dean. The palm of his hand rested warmly against the small of Dean's back. "Yeah," he sighed sadly. "He said he'd put too much on the line for me. Being humiliated in court wasn't exactly good for his reputation. I think Bobby's calmed him down. There still there for us..I think. Just..not as much I guess."

"What a dickbag," Dean grumbled with a frown, pulling Castiel close and wrapping both arms around him protectively. "That was a shitty job anyway. You should be dancing, Cas. Doing something you love." Dean kissed Castiel's forehead and then moved back a little bit to look at him curiously. "When's that audition for the dance academy? You're still doing that, right?"

Castiel made a noise in agreement but didn't say anything else. Didn't feel like talking about it anymore. "I guess..maybe. I don't know," he said with a soft shrug. "It's so far away and you need to be really really good to get in. I just..I don't think it's worth bothering about. I'll just get a stable job here with you." He gave a small smile, closing his eyes again. "Be a baker or a teacher or something."

Dean looked at Cas with raised eyebrows. "Cas, what are you talking about? You've wanted this for ages, you can't just give up like this!" Dean cupped Castiel's cheek and stared hard at him. "Seriously, I know you're capable of getting in. You've got the talent and I know you can do it. Just at least try, Cas. Please."

Castiel shrugged. "I'm just not feeling it right now. I don't feel good enough. I've barely practised since..." He paused, taking a deep breath. "I just don't know. I'll think about it but it just might not be the right time." He closed his eyes and moved away from Dean's touch, feeling like he'd already disappointed Dean again.

Dean's heart sank when Cas moved away from him, and he reached for Castiel's hand to give it a reassuring squeeze and tangle their fingers together. "So practice. Get better. It'll make you happy, Cas. It's what you've wanted since you were a little kid and now you can finally do it." Dean kissed Castiel's hand gently and then sighed. "But maybe you're right, maybe it's not the right time. But someday it will be. Just don't wait too long."

Castiel smiled a little, watching as Dean tried to make him feel better with tender touches. "Okay," was all he said in a soft whisper as he squeezed Dean's hand back. "Okay, my little prince." His eyes were still shut as he stretched out onto his back. He sighed contently, blindly wrapping his arm around Dean to bring him closer to rest against him. "Just go back to sleep."

Dean chuckled softly, relaxing in relief as Castiel smiled and pulled him close. "First day of the rest of our lives and all you wanna do is sleep," he grumbled affectionately, snuggling up against Cas and resting his cheek on his shoulder, one arm draping over Castiel's chest. He breathed out a content sigh and pressed his lips to Castiel's bare shoulder.

"Well what do you wanna do?" Castiel asked, rubbing Dean's back lazily with one hand. His other resting against his hip, fingers dipped underneath Dean's boxers just slightly. They couldn't drink. Couldn't party. Couldn't even play video games without it being awkward if Jimmy was there. There wasn't exactly much he wanted to do other than spend the day in bed with his husband-to-be.

Dean shrugged and smiled, content to just lie there with Castiel's hands wandering over his body, exploring and learning him all over again. "Well, we're going to have to get up eventually. Breakfast, shower... and then what, get back in bed?" Dean was feeling incredibly lazy and didn't want to move.

Castiel hummed, pulling Dean closer. "Sounds good," he said having no real intention of actually moving. He was happy to just lie there with Dean and forget all about breakfast. He pressed a kiss to Dean's temple and ran his hands up through Dean's hair, spiking it up. He chuckled quietly, flattening it back down to make it pretty again before he reluctantly sat up with a groan, retrieving his pills out of his pocket and set it on the nightstand.

Dean watched curiously as Castiel sat up, but he understood when Cas took a bottle of pills out of his pocket and set it down. "Do you think those are helping?" He asked quietly, looking at the label on the bottle. He glanced back up at Cas and smiled softly at him. "Baby, I'm really proud of you," he murmured for no particular reason. "You're stronger than you think."

Castiel shrugged a little. "I guess. I don't feel as unstable as I used to. They're really helping keep everything in check." He smiled a little when Dean said he was proud of him and kissed his forehead before taking the bottle and dry swallowed a pill, setting the bottle back down on the nightstand. "I just want to be better," he said, stroking Dean's hair. "I don't want to hurt you like that ever again."

Dean nodded in agreement and looked up at Cas through his lashes, resting his chin on Castiel's thigh. "I know you can be better," he said softly, "I'll always be here for you." He sighed and put a hand to his mouth, feeling the artificial tooth crown that had been put in last week. "Do you still think I'm pretty even with a fake tooth and a crooked nose?" He asked, gently teasing with a shy smile.

Castiel looked down at Dean with a soft expression, tussling his hair a little affectionately. "You're like a sexy pirate," he chuckled. He'd love Dean no matter what but it did sadden him that he was the reason Dean looked like this. "Like that Johnny Depp. Maybe you should start wearing eyeliner," he grinned playfully, winking at Dean.

Dean rolled his eyes and ducked his head self-consciously, burying his face against Castiel's hip. Dean's fake tooth wasn't very noticeable and his nose wasn't that crooked, but he did look kind of different. "Eyeliner, huh?" He muttered, "Maybe I will. Just to let you fulfill your fantasies about Jack Sparrow. If you're lucky I'll even let ya pillage me booty," he said in a pirate accent.

Castiel snorted out a laugh, giggling like an idiot at Dean's pirate accent. "Oh yeah?" he said, voice raising slightly in interest as he smiled slyly at Dean. "Would you wear the boots for me?" he asked innocently, getting Dean to move up to lie next to him. "Nothing but the boots?" he grinned, kissing Dean's nose. "Bet he'd look so sexy like that." Castiel paused and shook his head. "Sorry. I was thinking of Johnny Depp again."

"Cas!" Dean whined in protest, shoving him playfully. "I'll wear the damn boots. I'd look way hotter than your little celebrity crush." Dean kissed Castiel possessively on the mouth and then pulled away, smirking at him. "You know why? Because Depp can't do that. And he can't do this..." He moved down the bed so Cas was under him and then placed his mouth above Castiel's belly button, grinning up at him suggestively and then mouthing his way down to Castiel's hipbone teasingly.

Castiel laughed, grinning widely. His laughter subsiding as Dean kissed him but his grin remained. "Oh yeah. Sure can't do that," he agreed breathlessly. "Just you baby. Just you," he murmured, tangling a hand into Dean's hair. He hummed in pleasure keeping Dean's face close to his skin, feeling his hot breath tingle against the flesh. "Depp would be so jealous of you. Getting to treat me like this," he chuckled.

Dean paused and looked up at Cas, raising his eyebrows in mock confusion. "What makes you think he'd be jealous? He's Johnny Depp and you're a teenage boy. Getting a little high and mighty here, aren't we?" He grinned and licked his lips, playfully snapping the elastic on Castiel's waistband with his teeth before sliding back up Castiel's body, hands gentle and possessive over his skin.

Castiel rolled his eyes. "Please. I'm sexy. I _know _he'd want some of this," he smirked, gesturing to his body. Castiel chuckled, letting his hands rest against Dean's back before sliding up into his hair as Dean moved back up the bed. He pulled him down to kiss gently, grinning as he did so. "But don't worry babe. I'd never trade you in for a sexy Captain Jack. You're stuck with me."

Dean laughed. "Yeah, if he were interested in arrogant, annoying teenagers and borderline pedophilia." He teased back, kissing Castiel again. "And thanks, that's so reassuring. You really know how to make a guy feel better, hot stuff." Dean laughed a little and kissed Castiel's neck, fingers tangling through his messy hair. "I love you so much, you know that?"

Castiel chuckled, trying not to as he pouted. "Hey. I'm legal. It's all good." He leaned into Dean's touches and kisses and felt warm inside. "I love you, too," he murmured, sliding his hands down Dean's back, fingertips trailing across his spine. "There's a fact that's not going anywhere." He tilted his head up and captured Dean's lips in a quick but tender kiss. "Even if a handsome actor came along and tried to sweep me off my feet. I'd still love you."

Dean smiled happily and leaned into Castiel's touches and kisses. "I'm a handsome actor," he pointed out, "I've been in one show before. And Johnny Depp is old enough to be your dad." He kissed Castiel's cheek and relaxed against him lazily, not wanting to ever move again. "Hey, I just remembered... Amber's due to have kittens next week. Can you believe it? We need to buy stuff and get ready for a kitten invasion."

Castiel laughed, shrugging his shoulders lightly. "Who says I don't have a daddy kink?" Castiel smirked before shaking his head, not even bothering to try and keep that joke going. "Kittens," he said awkwardly. "Wow. I'm sure we can get some money for them. We're gonna need it until I can find another job," he said softly, not wanting to ruin the mood with such a damp topic.

Dean squeezed Castiel's arm comfortingly and shrugged. "Don't worry about it," he murmured, "We'll get by until then. Now that I'm out of school I'm going to start looking for another job and also get more hours in at the garage. But what about Jimmy, he doesn't seem to want to give up the kittens when they're born. He kept going on about how they're her family and he doesn't want them to be taken away from her."

Castiel sighed. "We'll keep a few. I'll talk to him We'll work something out." He pressed as kiss to Dean's temple and rolled them over so Castiel laid on top of Dean, his chin resting against his chest with his legs straddling Dean's hips. "First things first. We've gotta get you some eye makeup," he said with a teasing grin, kissing Dean's chin lightly.

Dean huffed in surprise when Cas flipped them and settled down on top of him, and he grinned and ran his hands into Castiel's hair. "Seriously?" He said, rolling his eyes. "I'm not pretty enough without makeup?" Dean cupped Castiel's face gently and smoothed his thumbs over his eyebrows, smiling at him.

Castiel shook his head pouting sadly. "No. Sorry, sweetie." He kissed Dean's chin again and grinned. "Hmm, maybe some lipstick?" he suggested with knowing grin. "That way I can see every part of my body you've marked with that pretty little mouth of yours," he smirked, squeezing Dean's cheeks together with one hand. He chuckled, kissing Dean's lips briefly before moving away to look for his phone.

Dean whined and gave a half-hearted attempt to push Cas away. "Cas, I'm pretty sure there's not one part of you where my mouth hasn't been, we don't need lipstick to prove that." He squeezed Castiel's ass playfully as he got up off the bed, and Dean stretched and yawned, spreading out over the bed and tangling in the sheets.

Castiel grinned, getting his phone and took a photo of Dean tangled up in the sheets. "Sexy," he drawled with a smirk. He sat down on the bed and loaded up Twitter on his phone and his eyes widened at the number of messages he had seeing as he hadn't touched the account in months. He sent a tweet telling his followers he was still alive and would start tweeting again soon.

Dean winked at Cas flirtatiously after he took the photo and then watched in amusement as Castiel stared at his phone with a shocked expression. "Everything okay?" he asked gently, sitting up and moving to sit behind Cas with his arms around his middle and his chin resting on his shoulder. Cas had opened up his Twitter account and was scrolling through a huge list of messages and notifications or whatever it was. "Geez, you're popular," he murmured.

"I like posting reviews on the latest music. Even got a few songs up on Youtube..from like forever ago. I guess people are just interested in that sort of stuff," he shrugged, leaning back against Dean. "Most of it is just weird sixteen year old girls wanting me to be their gay bff." He looked through his phone a bit more, sending another tweet about his Dean before logging out and tossing his phone aside.

Dean rose his eyebrows, impressed. "I didn't know you were doing that. Amateur music critic, that's interesting." He chuckled at the second comment and rolled his eyes. "They probably wanna go shopping with you and talk about boys and have movie nights. I've actually gotten that a few times myself since we started going out," he said, kissing Castiel's cheek as he tossed the phone somewhere.

Castiel shrugged. "Something to do, I guess. It's usually something I do when you're away. I get bored without you." He grinned, leaning back over his shoulder to kiss Dean briefly. "Really?" he asked shocked. "By who? It's really annoying isn't? I barely talk about boys and go shopping with you. Why would I want to do that with girls that only like me for my sexuality. That sounds even worse."

Dean grimaced and shook his head. "We don't really fit into those stereotypes," he commented, "I'm glad we didn't change our personalities like that when we started dating." He shrugged and got out of bed to go to the bathroom. "Don't goooooo changin' to try and please me. You've never let me down befoooore," he sang, swaying his hips as he shuffled out of the room, looking at Cas over his shoulder.

Castiel laughed, shaking his head as he watched Dean wonder out of the room in just his underwear. He rolled his eyes and went after Dean, tugging him back into his arms to kiss deeply. "That was beautiful. Way to beat the stereotypes with that masculine voice of yours," he said sarcastically, grinning widely as he slapped Dean's ass, padding down the stairs before Dean could get him back.

Dean laughed into the kiss and shoved Castiel away, pretending to chase after him but then going into the bathroom. Once he was done, he wandered downstairs to find Cas in the kitchen, and he hip checked him and started making coffee. It was a lazy, sunny day outside but Dean was happy to just stay inside all morning and spend it with Cas. "What was that you were saying about my masculine voice?" He teased.

Castiel went downstairs for some food and when Dean came back down he chuckled, pressing him up against the kitchen counter. "I don't know, it's a little off," he said, impersonating Dean with an over-exaggerated high pitched voice. He chuckled, kissing Dean briefly before moving away to look in the refrigerator for some orange juice, taking a swig from the carton.

Dean gave Cas a strange look. "I thought you'd already gone through puberty," he said in mock concern, "You might want to get that checked out, babe." Dean got a glass out of the cupboard and held it out for Cas to pour some juice into. Once he had a glass of juice he went and placed it on the table. "So... we never really got a chance to celebrate your release and my graduation which miraculously happened on the same day."

Castiel rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Well..what do you propose we do?" Castiel asked with a small smile, tracing Dean's lips with his finger before brushing past him to get his orange juice. "I don't have anything planned," he shrugged casually, downing his juice and put the glass in the sink. He leant against the worktop lazily, gazing over at Dean dreamily.

Castiel rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Well..what do you propose we do?" Castiel asked with a small smile, tracing Dean's lips with his finger before brushing past him to get his orange juice. "I don't have anything planned," he shrugged casually, downing his juice and put the glass in the sink. He leant against the worktop lazily, gazing over at Dean dreamily.

Dean smiled warmly and sipped his juice. "I was thinking we could go out for dinner," he said, "There's this nice seafood place up the coast a little, it's new and I've heard it's really nice. It's a fancy restaurant and they get really good reviews, also there's a nice dance club next to it and the street is pretty much right on the waterfront, it's almost a boardwalk but not really. And we could go for a walk on the beach after dinner, if you want." Dean shrugged and looked at Cas curiously. "I don't know, I thought it would be kind of romantic," he said shyly.

Castiel smiled warmly, moving over to Dean to squeeze his hand. "Babe," he murmured sweetly. "That's so romantic and sweet." He bit his lip, shaking his head. "But I'm allergic to seafood.." he said, scratching the back of his head guiltily. "And...I'm not in the mood to go dancin' again. I-It's too soon, babe. I'm sorry" He swallowed thickly, moving his hand away and leant back against the kitchen counter.

Dean cringed a little, how could he have not known that Cas was allergic to seafood? He must have known at some point but had forgotten, and he looked at Cas apologetically. "That's alright, we can do something else." He tried not to seem to let down about it, but he'd thought it was a good idea. "Do you have any ideas? I'm okay with anything," he said, smiling slightly.

Castiel sighed tightly, biting his lip. "I'm sorry, babe. I-I didn't mean to let you down. I-I-It sounds great. I'm just..I'm not ready to get back out there yet." He dipped his head down and looked at the floor sadly. He didn't mean to let Dean down again. He just wanted to keep him happy. "I-I don't know," he shrugged. "...I'm sorry."

Dean stepped closer and slid his hands down Castiel's arms until he reached his hands, and stood just in front of him, their foreheads nearly touching. "Hey, it's alright," Dean insisted softly, "We'll just stay in today. You just got out of the hospital after three months and need time to adjust. We'll take things slow until you feel okay." Dean kissed the tip of Castiel's nose gently. "And it means I get you all to myself," he said affectionately.

Castiel smiled a little when Dean kissed his nose. "Such a gentleman," Castiel grinned happily, nipping Dean's lips lightly. "But I still don't know what to do today," he said softly, moving from the room to go into the living room. He sat up on the couch, tucking his knees under his chin and looked out the window absently. Something he'd gotten used to doing over the past few months.

Dean watched as Cas left the kitchen and went over to the couch, and he hesitated in the kitchen for a moment before following. "Do you wanna go to the cabin and hang out? It's nice and quiet, no other people around." Dean had stocked the place with firewood so they could have a campfire if they wanted, and it was a nice day to spend outside. "We could do that if you want, or just stay home."

Castiel just stared out the window, contemplating. "I just want to make you happy," he whispered, looking out at the sunshine outside. He sighed, shaking his head. "I need to run soon too," he commented with a soft yawn. "Maybe you should just spend the day with your friends," he said quietly, looking over at Dean briefly. "You obviously want to go outside. So why not?"

Dean perched on the arm of the couch and bit his lip. "Cas, I've barely seen you in three months," he said quietly, "I missed you and I just want to spend time with you." Dean looked at Cas uncertainly and wondered if maybe being in the hospital for all that time had broken him, changed him into something different. It wasn't like they were torturing him but for somebody with such an artistic, wild soul it wouldn't have been easy for those long months.

Castiel looked up breathlessly at Dean, patting the couch thrice for Dean to sit beside him. "Then lets..spend some time together," he said uncertainly, giving Dean a small smile. "I-I-I'm sorry. It's easier in bed. We're both still sleepy..it's fun. Easy. I just..I don't know how to do that out of the privacy of our bedroom. It's weird." He blushed a little scratching the back of his head. "Sorry."

Dean smiled reassuringly at Cas and stroked a hand through his hair, leaning down to press a quick kiss to his temple. "Sounds like a plan," he said, "But first I'm going to make breakfast." Dean winked and stood up to walk to the kitchen to start cooking the classic eggs and bacon they always ate.

Castiel blushed, dipping his head down and sighed lightly. That was easier that he'd expected but he felt so guilty. Dean was doing anything to please him and that wasn't right. It should have been the other way around. He loved Dean so much but he felt like he wasn't contributing to their relationship he felt like dead weight and there was nothing he could do about it. He walked into the kitchen, deciding to try and be at least useful and help Dean make breakfast.

Dean was pleased when Cas joined him in the kitchen, and they quickly made breakfast, moving around each other in the kitchen and occasionally bumping elbows or shoulders. Once the food was done Dean set their plates at the table and sat across from Cas to begin eating. "So... there's literally nothing you can think of that you want to do today?" Dean prodded gently.

Castiel sat opposite Dean, playing with his bacon absently on the end of his fork before taking a bite. He looked up at Dean and swallowed the bite, taking his time before answering the question. "There's stuff I wanna do just nothing I'm ready for," he said, trying to make Dean understand how he wanted to do all these romantic things with him. He just couldn't. "I'm sorry. If you still want to go hang out with your friends don't let me hold you back. I'll understand."

"Cas, I'd rather have you. It's been pretty lonely without you and I'm sorry if I'm being too clingy but I just want to be with you," Dean said quietly, feeling a little like he was overstepping his boundaries here. "And to be honest, I kind of need a break from everyone at school because they're not you, babe."

Castiel smiled a little, finishing his breakfast. He stood up with his empty plate and shuffled across the table to Dean, picking up his plate too before pressing a soft, hesitant kiss to his temple. It was barely a kiss, more of a press of lips but it was still tender and meaningful. He walked into the kitchen afterwards, putting the plates in the sink and washed them quickly before Dean could protest.

Dean held still as Cas pressed a tentative kiss to his temple, and he could practically feel how Cas was uncertain and hesitant with it, it just felt stiff and nervous. Dean didn't know what was going on with Cas but he'd do everything he could to help him feel better about himself and their rekindling relationship. It felt so good to have this again but it wasn't quite right, there were barriers between them now.

Castiel finished the dishes and came back to the table, holding out his hand for Dean. "Come to bed," he asked quietly. Their bedroom was sacred. Much like Jimmy's secret dens. To Castiel the bedroom was his safe place. Always had been always will. In high school he'd go their to cry and hide from his bullies. He'd show his true emotions and not hold back. It was place where he could be himself and share himself with Dean. He felt safe there.

Dean nodded silently and followed Cas upstairs again to the bedroom. Once they got there Dean closed the shades so it wasn't as bright in the room, because he always had a hard time laying in bed if there was too much sun, it made him feel restless. He crawled into bed and moved over to leave space for Cas, holding the sheet up so he could slide under it. It was too hot for blankets but the sheets would be just enough. "You still tired?" He asked quietly.

Castiel went upstairs with Dean and slid beneath the sheets happily. Feeling a lot more relaxed now that he was back in bed. "A little," he said with a small smile. "I just feel comfier here," he said with a small shrug, lying on his side and stretched a hand out the rest over Dean's chest. "Feel safe here with you," he mumbled, closing his eyes and sighed contently.

Dean wrapped an arm loosely around Castiel's shoulders and covered the hand on his chest with his own, relaxing into the bed and closing his eyes. He smiled softly, feeling warm and comfortable, and kissed the top of Castiel's head. "Good," he murmured, "God, I missed you like crazy. I missed just being able to do this."

Castiel hummed in agreement, feeling Dean's hand rest against his own. "Me too," he whispered softly, nuzzling against Dean's side to get a little closer. "I missed you," he murmured, breathing in Dean's scent. "Missed having my prince to cuddle with," he said adoringly, looking up at Dean with a goofy smile and soft eyes. He chuckled a little nudging his nose against Dean's pec and inhaled deeply. Taking in Dean's scent. "So soft and sweet. You're like a giant teddy bear," he hummed happily.

Dean looked down at Cas with an affectionate smirk and twisted a lock of Castiel's hair around in his fingers. "Apparently you missed my natural lovely smell too," Dean teased gently when Cas inhale deeply with his nose to his chest, but his words rang of truth. He'd missed the scent of Castiel just as much and was so happy to have him back in his arms where it felt right.

Castiel grinnned a little, burying his face further into Dean's chest. "Sure did," he agree happily. "Missed my prince," he murmured sadly, kissing the skin over Dean's heart tenderly. A little hesitantly but smoother than when he'd tried to kiss Dean downstairs out in the open. It was different here. He felt safer doing it here. Where no one could see. He wasn't ashamed. He was just..timid.

Dean sighed into Castiel's hair and held him close. They lay in comfortable silence for a while, just listening to each other breathe, before Dean spoke. "Hey, Cas?" He began tentatively, "I'm thinking about getting a tattoo. I know I already mentioned it a while ago but I've got some ideas now."

Castiel looked up at Dean with curious eyes and smiled. "Yeah?" he asked quietly. "You know I've been thinking about some too. We could go together." His eyes brightened at the thought. "Yeah. What did you have in mind?" He was excited now. He shifted a little on the bed to sit up on his knees and look at Dean with a warm smile.

Dean stayed on his back on the bed and gazed up at Cas thoughtfully, reaching out to tangle their fingers together. He turned Castiel's hand over to expose his wrist, and with one finger he traced the zig zag pattern of a heart monitor across the inside if Castiel's wrist. "I thought this might be nice, to cover up these," he held out his own wrist to the the scars where he'd tried to end his own life.

Castiel felt a light shiver go down his back. He swallowed thickly as Dean continued to trace the patten into his wrist. His gaze dropped to Dean's own wrists and he delicately held one of Dean's arms in his hands, kissing the scars tenderly. "It sounds beautiful, Dean but you know you don't have to hide, right? I love you the way you are. There's no need to hide your past."

Dean's breath hitched lightly when Cas tenderly kissed the scars on his skin. He looked up at Cas with eyes wide with emotion. "It's not exactly hiding them," he said, looking back down at his wrists. "It won't cover then completely and they'll still be there. But the heart monitor symbol will remind me that I'm alive and I survived the past and what didn't kill me made me stronger." He shrugged sheepishly, suddenly embarrassed. "I know it's kinda cheesy but I thought it would be interesting."

Castiel shook his head, smiling a little. "It's not cheesy, babe," he murmured quietly. "It's heartbreakingly beautiful." He kissed Dean's wrists again and smiled softly. "We can get ours done together. We'll book an appointment and get them done." He nodded briefly, scratching the back of his head. "You'll get your lifeline. A-And I'll get barbed wire around my thighs," he said quickly, seeing as this was the first time he'd told Dean about his idea. He was a little embarrassed.

Dean tilted his head curiously at Castiel's idea for a tattoo. He could see that Cas was a little shy about revealing this piece of information and he wondered why. "That sounds really interesting," he said, peering up at Cas thoughtfully. "But why?"

Castiel looked up at Dean with a small expression of sadness, trying to conceal it but failed. "You know why," he whispered quietly, shaking his head. "Please don't make me say it." He was past that now. He didn't want to have to keep bringing him up. It was in the past now and that's where it should stay.

Dean bit his lip and reached for Castiel's hands. "Baby, I know," he murmured apologetically. "I'm sorry, you don't have to explain it... I understand. I was just wondering why barbed wire?" He rested his hand lightly on Castiel's thigh and looked up at him softy. "It's alright, baby, you don't have to say anything."

Castiel swallowed thickly, watching as Dean slid his hand up his leg to rest against his thigh. He felt like the breath had been taken out of his lungs but he placed his hand over Dean's to make sure he kept his hand there. Taking a step in the right direction. "I-I-It's to keep me safe," he whispered, dipping his head down in shame. He felt so stupid for thinking like that but it was true. It made him feel safe despite it actually providing him with any real protection.

Dean gently rubbed his thumb over the outside of Castiel's thigh and gave him a sad look. "I think that's a great idea," he assured softly, "It has a lot of meaning. And that's kind of what I was thinking with the heart monitor thing, as a way to stop myself from doing that again, you know? Because if I ever get that urge again I'll see the heartlines there and know that it almost ended my life and what's really important is staying here with you." Dean looked into Castiel's eyes earnestly. "I think the barbed wire is really meaningful."

Castiel's eyes softened. He leant forward a little until their foreheads rested together. "I love you," he whispered, moving his free hand up to stroke Dean's cheek tenderly. He pushed out his chin just enough to angle his head to press a light kiss to Dean's lips, keeping him close. To keep them both safe.

Dean closed his eye and smiled slightly when Cas kissed him. "I know," he murmured, "And you know I love you more than life itself, babe. Don't ever doubt that no matter what." Dean kissed the tip of Castiel's nose gently and then pulled back to gaze at him. "So, did it hurt? The tattoo?"

Castiel smiled faintly as Dean praised him, kissing him adoringly and just admiring him in general. It made Castiel blush ridiculously. He felt warm and fuzzy and it was all because Dean made him feel this way. It made him smile. "No..but I'm used to pain," he said, smile subsiding a little. "Plus..we were..going through some things. I felt numb enough not to notice a few needles poking me in the back."

Dean grinned at Castiel's adorable shy blushing and he leaned up to kiss Castiel's pink cheek. His smile faded when Cas said he was used to pain because it was sadly true in more ways than one. "We'll, I'm used to pain too, so this little tattoo will be nothing. And you've done it before. So, we'll be alright."

Castiel nodded slightly, smiling weakly but it didn't hold. "Yeah," he said softly, pressing his cheek against Dean's. "We'll be alright," he murmured quietly in his ear, tilting his head just enough to kiss Dean's jaw and wrap his arms solidly around Dean, pressing their chests together lightly so Castiel had to shuffle around, basically sitting in Dean's lap as he held him tightly.

Dean's chest constricted sadly at the look in Castiel's eyes, and he sat up a little and shuffle back so he was leaning against the wall with Cas pulled close to him. "Cause even the stars, they burn. Some even fall to the earth. We've got a lot to learn, but God knows we're worth it,"Dean sang softly into Castiel's ear as he held him close. "I won't give up on us. Even if the skies get rough. I'm giving you all my love, I'm still lookin up, im still lookin up."

Castiel hummed a little, listening to Dean sing sent chills down his spine. He buried his face into Dean's neck, his knees squeezed tight against Dean's sides with his arms wrapped around Dean's middle in an attempt to stay as close as possible. He kissed the warm skin of Dean's neck hesitantly, letting his lips linger there, trying to steal the heat. "Even after all this time.." Castiel began in a hushed whisper. "..you still know how to make me feel so wanted..and loved. No one else can make me feel this way, Dean. Just you." There was a pause whilst Castiel kissed Dean's neck praisingly. "How do you do that?"

Dean smiled softly and sighed against Castiel's hair, holding him close as Cas wrapped himself around Dean's body, clinging tightly. "Wish I had an answer for you," he murmured sadly, "I'll always want you and need you, and I'll always love you. But I really shouldn't be the only one who makes you feel that way," Dean thought sadly of Castiel's family, or what was left of it. He was very much alone, except for Jimmy, with Mrs. Novak living in France and all Castiel's brothers besides Jimmy scattered away.

Castiel bit his lip. "I..I know," he agreed softly, dipping his head down to rest against Dean's chest. "But it's true," he sighed sadly. "Jimmy died a little when I buried him. He'll never be the same again. And Michael...he's not around enough to make it worth while. I need someone who's here for me. Like you." He kissed Dean gently and nuzzled against his chest. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound clingy."

Dean stroked the back of Castiel's neck gently and smiled down at the top of his head. "Cas, you don't sound clingy at all." Rather than sounding clingy, Cas just sounded lost and scared, as if he just needed someone to show him the way and a hand to hold. Dean was that person, and they both knew it. "I'll always be here with you," he promised, "We've got the whole future planned, remember? We're gonna start a family someday and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You make me so happy, baby."

Castiel smiled hopefully. "I'd like that," he whispered, stroking Dean's hair a little. "I really want to start a family with you Dean. I mean, not right now but like when we're in our twenties or something." He kissed Dean's lips, a little more confidently this time and smiled. "And I wanna name our kids Mary if it's a girl..I'm not sure about a boy any more. I don't think Jimmy is suitable for our child's name anymore."

Dean smiled a little at the mention of Mary for a girl's name, but his heart sank a little at Jimmy. He shrugged and looked at Cas thoughtfully. "Mary sounds nice," he said in a soft voice, "But I don't have any ideas for a boy." He couldn't think of anything at the moment that would be satisfying to name their future child but they had plenty of time to think about it. "It's not for a while, we'll come up with something. Don't worry about it now, baby."

Castiel nodded and smiled a little and kissed Dean's nose. "Okay," he whispered softly, closing his eyes. "Babe?" he whispered quietly, looking up at Dean curiously. "Will you still love me? After starting a family? We won't get like one of those couples that just fights over how we raise our kids will we?"

Dean looked at Cas incredulously and shook his head. "Of course I'll still love you, idiot." He said, ruffling Castiel's hair gently, "We'll definitely get into fights once in a while but that's normal and it's not going to change the way I feel about you." There was something bothering Dean though, and he bit his lip. "What if I'm a bad parent?" He whispered.

Castiel looked at Dean with a shocked face. "Dean," he whispered sadly. "You'll be the most incredible parent," he said, laughing a little at the thought that Dean thought he'd be a bad parent. "Have you sen the way you look after me?! You've saved me so many times. You care, Dean. That's what matters. Nothing else as long as you care and want what's best for our child."

Dean chewed his lip worriedly and then looked up at Cas with a grateful, loving smile. "Why are we even thinking about this now, we've got so much time ahead of us before we can even begin to make plans for kids. What are we doing next? Are you going back to college?" Dean looked at Cas hopefully. "I really wish you'd still consider dancing, you're so good at it and you look so happy when you dance."

Castiel smiled a little, shrugging softly. "I don't know babe, I'm just not sure I'd be able to do that." He sighed, running a hand through his hair and leaned back on Dean's lap. "I might just start working," he shrugged. He didn't feel good enough to dance professionally. How would that support them? They had no money as it was. Dancing wouldn't pay the bills..unless..maybe he could..maybe he could dance tables. He blushed at the idea and shook his head. "I'm sorry."

Dean trailed his fingers absently down Castiel's arm and took a deep breath, letting it out in a long exhale. He pulled back to look down at Castiel's face and then frowned in amusement at the blush he saw there. "Why are you blushing, Cas? You don't have to be embarrassed, it's fine. I'm just saying that you're really talented and I know that if you practiced enough you'd be able to get up there and be successful. But you don't have to, I'll support you no matter what you want to do. As long as it's not dangerous."

Castiel blushed further and shook his head. "D-D-Doesn't matter," he whispered, fighting off the thought of dancing tables. Dean would hate that. They were already having problems as it was. He couldn't put that on him. Even if the money was good. "Thanks, babe. I know I can always count on you." He smiled slightly, kissing Dean briefly on the lips and kept him close, wrapping his arms around his neck.

Dean shrugged it off and kissed Cas back, and they relaxed into silence once more. The rest of the day was spent in comfortable laziness, just spending time with each other and making up for all the time that had been taken from them. They spoke in quiet tones and didn't move out of the bed much, just content to lie in each other's arms and breathe each other in.


	59. Chapter 59

Three week later and things were almost back to normal. Castiel felt a bit more comfortable in his own skin and he and Dean were fixing their relationship to the point they were beginning to have sex again. Castiel could trust him now and Dean trusted him. Things were working out great. All Castiel needed to do now was get a job. It was about a week ago he saw an ad in Jimmy's newspaper for a job opening at the local strip joint in town, Sinner's Paradise. Castiel had initially laughed off the idea, remarking it as sleazy and stupid but every night when he crawled into bed with Dean he began to think just how much fun it could be. It could be good for his confidence as a dancer. Maybe even help him audition for the dancing school. So here he was, with a dance number in his head and a nervous stance as he waited to be called for his chance to really hit bottom.

"Next!" Ellen called after sending the last hopeful dancer out of the empty club room. It was early afternoon and the bar wasn't open yet, so Ellen was using the stage for auditions. When her top girl had given a little too much after a show and gotten pregnant, there was a need for a replacement and a surprising number of high school graduate girls and even a few boys had come in to audition. So far, Ellen hadn't been impressed with any of them and was starting to lose patience. Ellen raised her eyebrows in surprise at the next dancer who came in and looked him up and down. It was a young man with dark hair and blue eyes, and he was wearing a button down shirt and classy jeans with flip flops. "Hello," she greeted, sparing him a brief, interested smile. "My name's Ellen and I'm the owner of this club, as I'm sure you already know. What's your name, hon?"

Castiel was up next and shuffled up onto stage with a less than confident smile. Oh God he couldn't do this what was he thinking?! "H-Hello," he greeted back, running a hand through his hair nervously. "My name's Castiel," he said a little smoother and tried to stand like he wasn't going to run at any moment. "I really like to dance and...honestly, I think dancing for an audience would help me gain some confidence." It's been a rough year, he resisted the urge to add.

Ellen looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, nodding and chewing on the end of her pen. He was an attractive kid and definitely had a dancer's body but he seemed to be lacking in confidence and seemed incredibly nervous. That would never do in this business, but she wanted to give him a chance nonetheless. She wrote down his name and a few notes on a scrap piece of paper and then sat back in her chair, giving him a small, distant smile. "Alright, sugar. You've gotta impress me, I've had two hours of crappy auditions and I'm getting a little bored. Show me what you've got. Music?" She called to Chuck, who'd obviously been perving on all the girls who'd been in to audition and looked relieved that there was a guy finally. Chuck gave her a thumbs up and switched on the music Castiel had brought on his iPod, beginning to play it through the speakers.

Castiel swallowed thickly and nodded, waiting for his music to play before beginning. The White Stripes, In the Cold Cold Night. Not exactly what he'd call stripper music but he was going for the whole sensual teasing thing. He rolled his head, closing his eyes, trying to get into the music before beginning, prowling around the stage, slowly stroking his hand up the pole, twirling his leg up and round in one fluid motion before walking away, teasing his 'audience'. He started rolling his hips slowly, fingers dragging down over his thighs and back up, playing with the buttons of his shirt as he danced around the pole without touching it. He faced outwards, letting his finally unbuttoned shirt fall to the ground gracefully as he span around and up the pole, using his upper body strength balance upside down, showing the expanse of his back and beautifully tattooed wings off. He slowly came back down, returning his feet to the ground and began dancing against the pole, gyrating his hips as the song came to an end. He knew he was probably supposed to take his pants off too but he couldn't do that until he got his tattoo done first. That was actually sort of the reason he'd decided to come today. Because he was meeting Dean in town afterwards to get their tattoos done. The song finished and he swallowed awkwardly, picking up his shirt and put it back on. "Sorry..It's probably not what you're looking for I know..I'm sorry to have wasted your time," he said shyly, turning back in on himself.

Ellen watched the kid dance around the stage. He was pretty different from any other stripper wannabes she'd seen, and his routine caught her a little off guard as she wasn't expecting a slower song. What this boy lacked in confidence he made up for in talent, and he was probably just nervous. Good body and good moves, just not outgoing and daring enough. That was pretty much the main aspect of stripping, self-confidence. When the song ended Ellen nodded, but when he started to back away she slapped her hand on the desk. "Boy, you come back up there where I can see you," she ordered sternly, "I've got a few things to say to you." She could see the fear in his eyes but ignored it and continued speaking, "I'll be honest with you, kid. You're better than most of the dancers who've been on my stage today, and they were all pretty young girls with tits and platform heels. I don't get nearly as many boys auditioning to dance here and I try to run an equal-opportunities establishment here, if you know what I mean. What I'm saying is, I could really use another male dancer and you're pretty damn good." Ellen wrote a few more things down on her notepad and then looked back up at Castiel. "Here's a few tips, though. Eye contact is everything. You look a girl in the eyes when you're taking your clothes off and you'll be in high demand. Sexy bedroom eyes, babe. And you need to be more fluid, more confident in your moves. I'm pretty impressed with that stunt you pulled on the pole, though."

Castiel flinched when the woman yelled at him. He stepped forward, buttoning the last button on his shirt and straightened up. "Sorry," he apologized again. He blinked in shock when she said he was actually good. He hadn't real expected anything from this. It was just something he did as a last resort before giving up dancing. "T-Thanks," he said with a small timid smile. He looked at the pole and blushed. "Sorry. I should probably have asked if I could do that. I wasn't really sure if we should.." he cleared his throat when Ellen just stared at him for rambling. "Sorry," he said again. "I..I'm..I've got another tattoo..well I will...on my thighs. That won't be a problem will it? I'm not really sure what the regulations are...a-are my wings okay? I mean I know you have that sort of thing but inked skin? Is that allowed?" He inwardly slapped himself for rambling this woman was saying he was good and might be interested and all he could do was try and find ways to shut her off.

Ellen just shook her head in amusement and snorted slightly at the poor kid's nervous babbling. The nightclub would eat him alive if he didn't gain some confidence. "Sweetheart, your tattoo is lovely. The wings fit right in with the theme here and I've got no problem with tattoos as long as they aren't offensive." Ellen was already starting to get ideas for Castiel's stage name and routine, and props and costumes were coming to mind as well. She absently doodled on the notepad and jotted down her thoughts and then looked back up at Castiel with a smile. "Tell you what. How about you come in for training sometime tomorrow morning and I'll run you through the basics of how things work around here, and then I'll introduce you to my other dancers and have you watch for a night and hang around backstage to get familiar with the scene here for a few nights. Obviously we're busiest on the weekends but since it's summer it's going to be crazy around here until school starts back up, with all the college kids coming back to the city for the summer and partying. That sound good?" Ellen looked down at her paper thoughtfully and then glanced back up at Castiel. "Got any stage names in mind? It's not safe for people in this business to use their real names, all kinds of sketchy folks lurking around and you've gotta be careful. And don't forget there's a lot of risks involved with this job, hon."

Castiel's eyes brightened a little. "R-Really? I-I'd love to." This could be it. A chance to dance to an audience who paid to adore him. This could be the confidence booster he needed. "I'll be here," he promised with a little more enthusiasm. This woman really wanted him to be here. It made him feel a little happy. Someone wanted him. Not to look good as a company but because of him. Of his talent. He shook his head. "Not really. I was hoping I could have something..innocent?" He bit his lip, fumbling with the edge of his shirt. "Like angel or..something? I don't know. I just don't think I could exactly pull off the explicit nicknames." He couldn't help but laugh bitterly when she tried to warn him about about weirdos that could stalk him. "Don't worry. Sketchy folk will be a breath of fresh air after what I've seen." He nodded firmly, swallowing thickly. "I can handle trouble."

Ellen smirked a little and nodded. "Good, you're tough. I like it. Pretty angel-face with a dark side." She leaned forward and rested her chin on her hand to squint at Castiel in thought. "How about Raven?" She suggested, "It's sexy and mysterious and goes with the wings you've got. Heaven's little rebel... You know, I don't think I have any dancers with an angel theme at the moment. Most of the girls here usually do the more generic costumes but I'm thinking we could do a whole angel-devil thing with you and someone else, if you were ever up for a double act..." She trailed off and shrugged. "Just throwing ideas out."

Castiel smiled a little, loving the way the woman brought in such an artistic element to the work. She didn't make him feel like a hunk of meat. She seemed considerate about wanting him to enjoy the work, no matter how demeaning it might be. "Raven.." he pondered slowly. "I like it," he said with a small smile. "And t-that sounds good. I've never really danced with anyone before. Not in a double act type of way before anyways." The thought sounded a little more than appealing to him. He remembered how much fun it'd been to dance with Meg. If these girls were as sassy and fun as she was then he was bound to fit in here. "I understand if you want me to stick to your routines but if possible d'ya think I could do some slower numbers? Work my way up to the more...loud numbers? I've just...I've been through a lot..and..not that I don't appreciate your offer of a job but..I don't think I could do that straight away." He paused, biting his lip. He'd probably just ruined his chances. "I-I'll practise those bedroom eyes and all the other stuff I promise just give me the tease numbers or something," he added, sounding slightly desperate. That shocked him most. He hadn't realized just how much he'd wanted this job before now.

Ellen quirked one eyebrow at Castiel's particular request and then looked at the ceiling for a moment before shrugging. "I guess, if that's what you're comfortable starting out with then that's what you should do. I've never been a fan of tossing newbies right into the mix, it never goes well. Better if you just wanna ease into it, take a little trial period to see if this is the right job for you." She looked at him seriously. "Are you sure you want this?" She asked him, "It's physically draining and there are risks of injury as well as crime. And it's a lot of pressure, too. Do you think you can handle taking off your clothes and dancing around suggestively to a crowd of people? This job ain't for everyone, boy. You have to know what you're getting into."

Castiel swallowed thickly, taking a moment to think about it. The strange thing was, Dean didn't cross his mind. He didn't feel guilty for doing this. This is what he needed to get back on top. He needed the confidence again. Sure, Dean was a huge help but he needed to feel comfortable in public again and if being adored by horny women help him to accomplish that then he was sure. "I'm sure," he said firmly with a small smile. "I exercise everyday. I've got a routine that keeps me from straining anything, I know what I'm doing there. I just need to get back out there," he said with a nod. "Give me a week. I know I can do this."

Ellen smiled and nodded in approval. "Alright, you've convinced me. I like your attitude, Raven. I'll give you a week of training and observing and then we'll see what you've learned and put you to the test. Don't worry, it's only scary the first time. You've got a pretty face and a hot bod, nice form. You'll drive 'em crazy." Ellen stood up and walked out from behind the desk, gesturing for Castiel to come down so she could shake his hand. "Why don't you come back tomorrow evening? You mentioned you're getting your thighs tattooed, right? So, I'll probably just have you observe."

Castiel nodded, getting off the stage to meet Ellen face to face and shook her hand. "Of course. Thank you, ma'am. I won't let you down," he nodded, determined for once, to prove himself. If not to Ellen but to himself. He smiled, letting go of her hand and walked away and out into town towards the tattoo parlour where Dean was meeting him. He saw Dean standing there and he smiled sheepishly, hoping it wasn't obvious where he'd just been. Even if he was a little sweaty from dancing.

Dean was pretty nervous about getting a tattoo but that didn't stop him from wanting to do it. He was waiting outside looking at some of the designs on the display window when he saw Cas come up beside him, and he gave him an anxious smile. "Can't believe I'm doing this," he said quietly as they walked into the shop together. Dean pulled the design out of his pocket and fumbled with the edges of the paper absently. He didn't really know what to do and didn't want to look like an idiot, so he lingered behind a little to see what Cas did.

Castiel smiled at Dean and squeezed his hand. "It'll be okay. Just relax," he whispered soothingly. When they got inside, Castiel told them their appointment and the man smiled politely, checking his books. "Okay, Dean, is it?" he asked, looking between the two of them. Castiel pointed at Dean and the man nodded. "Alright, son, you're with me and Castiel you're with Kate." Castiel nodded, just grateful he'd managed to book a female artist on the same day as Dean's appointment. He didn't feel comfortable with lying exposed with his pants down in front of another man. Which was a joke considering what his new job entailed.

"Dean, I'm going to have you come with me back here," the man was saying, and Dean followed him back through the shop until they reached a room at the back, passing through a beaded curtain. "I'm Ethan, by the way. Is this your first time?" Dean nodded, and Ethan smiled reassuringly. "It's not that bad, it just burns a bit. This was my first tattoo," he said, lifting up the leg of his jeans to reveal a symbol of some kind on the inside of his ankle. The rest of the guy's skin was pretty much covered with tattoos; he was wearing a baggy tank top which showed off his full tattoo sleeves laced with intricate designs and small bursts of color among the black. Ethan noticed him staring, and he chuckled slightly. "Yeah, I got hooked after the first tat," he said, "Do you have a design in mind?" Dean nodded and held out the slip of paper he'd drawn his design on. "I think I'd like to get this on my wrist," he said as Ethan took it and examined it, and then took Dean's arm and turned his hand over, palm up and revealing the scars. Dean bit his lip and looked down, not comfortable with this guy he'd never met seeing his scars and knowing he was wanting to cover them up. "This is a really cool idea," Ethan said, looking at the heart monitor design thoughtfully. "Yeah, I like this, I think it'll look really good."

Castiel smiled reassuringly when Dean went back into one of the rooms to get inked up. He waited patiently until Kate finished with her last client before calling him in. "Castiel, take a seat bro," she chirped happily, taking off her gloves and put on a new pair. "Alright. This your first tat?" she asked from over her shoulders. "No," he answered simply, sitting in his chair nervously. He wasn't sure how she'd react about his scars. Some ran pretty deep. He didn't want to scare her off. "I've got wings across my back," he added, trying to seem a bit more friendly. Kate turned around and grinned, nodding in approval. "Right on. That's a nice tat when it's done properly. You get it done here?" she asked, sorting out her equipment. Castiel shook his head. "France," he answered with a small smile. Kate seemed to approve. "Ha. No way. I went to college out there. Got a scholarship to study illustration." Castiel liked her. She seemed trustworthy enough. Not threatening or overpowering. Just friendly enough to get him through this. "That's cool. I guess this'll be easy for you then," he said, smile faltering a little as he shifted his pants a little to expose his thighs. "Just don't freak out. Okay. There was..an incident. I'd like to cover the scars up. I was thinking with a simple barbed wire tattoo. You think you can do it?" Kate's features hardened as she looked at him seriously, looking over his scarred skin. She nodded a little, contemplating. "I think I can do that," she said with a small smile. "Okay so just take off your pants and lie back in the chair and we'll get started."

After Ethan had carefully disinfected Dean's skin and put on gloves, he sketched the design onto transfer paper and then carefully lined it up against the inside of Dean's left wrist over the scars, making sure Dean liked the placement of it before taping it down and rubbing the marks onto Dean's skin. When that was finished, Ethan pulled the tattoo gun out of a box and got some gauze pads. "Alright, it's going to hurt but it's really important that you don't move or flinch. It won't take long since it's such a small design, but I need to make the line thick enough and have it fade out into thin tendrils at the edges like you wanted." Dean nodded and bit his lip, heart pounding hard. He'd obviously already had horrible pain in his wrists, from when he'd created the scars in the first place, but he was still nervous. As soon as the needle pierced his skin, he tensed up and clenched his jaw, and he looked away, unable to watch the way the needle cut into his skin and drew blood while injecting ink into him. It hurt like a burn. "You doing okay?" Ethan asked over the buzzing sound of the gun, and Dean nodded, still biting his lip and breathing steadily through his nose.

Castiel did as instructed. He took his shoes and pants off and laid back on the chair. Kate sketched out the design onto transfer paper and then marked Castiel's skin where she'd ink him. "We'll do the other side after okay?" she said, showing him where she'd be wrapping the tattoo around his thigh. He nodded, clenching his hands against the chair arms and closed his eyes. He knew it'd hurt. His wings had been a bitch but he'd been numb as hell back then. Now his senses were heightened. His mind sharper. This would be almost as bad as driving the knife back into him. She began her work and Castiel grimaced, breathing deeply through his nose. Seeing as it was more sensitive area than his back, it hurt a lot more too. It took her a long time to finish his front before getting him to rolled over to connect the wire up around the back. If it'd hurt before, it was sure of a hell of a lot worse having to put pressure on the recently marked skin.

Dean's tattoo was done quickly, much to his relief, and he really liked the look of it. He only had it on his left wrist and was considering maybe getting the right one done another time, or maybe getting a different pattern on his other wrist. Ethan taped a bandage over the tattooed skin and gave him instructions on how to clean and care for it and handed him a business card for the tattoo parlor as well. Dean thanked him and then they both walked back out front so Dean could pay, and then he wandered around the store looking at jewelry and thinking of something to buy Cas sometime.

Castiel's tattoo took a lot longer and he was surprised Dean was still there, waiting patiently for him by the time he hobbled out. He paid, thanking Kate again. To which she gave him a business card and a friendly smile. "Hey," Castiel said, looking over at Dean with a small smile. "You ready to go?" he asked, holding his hand out for Dean as they left the store and headed home.

Dean took Castiel's hand and looked at him with an excited smile. "Can't wait to see yours," he said, being careful not to accidentally bump Castiel's legs as they walked to the Impala. "Does it feel like you have actual barbed wire around your thighs right now? Because my wrist sort of feels like that." Dean started the engine and began driving home, eager to get some painkillers for Cas and maybe for himself if it got worse.

Castiel just shrugged a little, getting in the Impala. "A little," he said, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. "I can't wait to see yours either. I'm sure it looks great." They rode home together. Dean went straight to the bathroom to look for painkillers and Castiel set on making dinner.

Almost 24 hours later and Castiel was on his way out to the club to observe the dancers. He took extra money and painkillers but his tattoo felt fine now. He could handle pain. He was just about set, dressed casual yet respectively. Seeing as he'd be going there to take his clothes off in the near future, he wasn't exactly sure what he was supposed to wear so he stuck to something simple. All that was left to do now was say goodbye to Dean. He hadn't exactly told him yet and he wasn't sure how he'd react.

"Okay, guys. I'm off out. I'll catch you later," he said, pressing a kiss to Jimmy's forehead before moving over to the couch to Dean to capture his lips in a brief kiss. "Don't wait up."

Dean didn't ask where Cas was going because he didn't want him to feel caged in, and it was a good thing that Cas was going out and getting some fresh air. It was healthy that they both had their space and didn't spend every minute of their time together, but that didn't stop Dean from being curious. He didn't want to ask, though just to give Cas more independence. He wanted Cas to know he trusted him. "See you later," he said with a gentle smile when Cas kissed him goodbye.

Castiel smiled a little at Dean, grateful he didn't ask. He wanted to be sure this was the right job for him before bringing it up and worrying Dean about it. He tussled Dean's hair a little before leaving, taking his motorcycle up into town he parked around the back of the club and was greeted by a bodyguard at the back entrance. He told him he was here to see Ellen, being the newbie and all and the man let him in after talking into his walkie talkie. Castiel nodded in thanks and awkwardly stepped inside. There were dancers running around, some half dressed as they looked for their costumes. Castiel didn't know where to look and tried to focus on finding Ellen before the night began.

Pamela, or stage name Cherie May, was already ready for her first performance of the night, and was standing in the dressing room looking for the new dancer. Ellen had described him and told everyone he was coming to observe, and she'd instructed Pamela to be his mentor. Pamela was one of the more experienced, popular strippers, famous for her various tattoos and piercings. When Pamela saw a nervous looking guy come in, matching the description Ellen had given, and she looked him up and down appreciatively as she walked towards him expertly in her platform heels. "Hey, hot stuff," she said, giving him a sultry smile as she sauntered up to him to scope him out. "You the new guy? Castiel?"

Castiel swallowed thickly as a woman came towards him in platform heels. He was impressed she could even walk in them, let alone dance in them. He nodded promptly, waving awkwardly and gave a small smile. "Yup. That's me. I'm looking for Ellen?" he explained, looking around a little. "I don't mean to bother you. I just want to make sure I'm in the right place. I wouldn't want to get in the way or anything."

Pamela tossed her hair over her shoulder and smirked at him. "Ellen told me you were coming and I'm gonna show you around and introduce you to everyone. Basically, you're just following me around until Ellen thinks you're ready." Pamela reached out and tousled his hair. "Don't worry, babe, I'll take care of you. I'm Cherie May, by the way." She didn't want to tell this guy her real name just yet, but he looked like an okay guy. "Do you have a stage name yet?"

Castiel nodded in understanding and blushed a little when she tussled his hair. It made him feel like a little kid. "Mystic Raven..I think. Ellen suggested it." He nodded a little, smiling. "I've got wings tattooed on my back..think its part of a look she's got planned out, y'know?" He laughed a little when a few girls walked past in the most ridiculously high shoes he'd ever seen. How were girls supposed to even walk in them? "As long as I don't have to wear a pair of those I think I'll be okay."

Pam raised an eyebrow and nodded in approval at the name. "Wing tattoos, huh?" She said with interest, "I've gotta see this. Mind showing me? You might as well, you'll have to get used to taking your clothes off anyway." Pam lightly smacked Katie's ass as she walked by wearing a thong and a tight mesh tank top, whistling playfully at her. Katie rolled her eyes and turned around, punching Pam playfully in the arm. "Who's this?" She asked, looking Castiel up and down curiously. Pam grinned at Castiel. "Mystic Raven. He's the new guy, ain't he cute?"

Castiel grinned a little. He'd always been proud of his wings, hearing someone sound so excited about them made him giddy. "Sure. I feel a little over dressed anyways if I'm honest," he smirked, pulling his top off over his head to reveal his tanned, muscled skin. He tucked his top into one of the pockets on his jeans so it hung straight down the side of his leg. He smiled at the other woman who Cherie introduced and bowed a little, using the opportunity to give Cherie a sneak peak of his tattoo. "Pleasure," he said, with a little more confidence, seeing how these ladies worked around here. Everything was light and fun. He decided to just roll with it and make it his own.

Pam and Katie cheered as Castiel pulled off his shirt, revealing a hard little body and evenly tanned skin. Their catcalls and whistles attracted the attention of a few other girls and Pam called them over to introduce them to Castiel. They all reacted excitedly to the tattoos, and Pam had to say she was impressed by the ink. "Girls, I want you to meet your new baby brother," she announced, grinning at Castiel. "This is Mystic Raven. Raven, meet Candi, Desdemona, Jade, and Chastity." Pam assumed he probably wouldn't remember all that but the girls had their unique features. Candi was a cute little redhead with a pixie cut and light green eyes, and Desdemona was tall and curvy with long flowing dark brown hair. Jade was short with luscious curves and ebony skin, while Chastity was the most innocent-looking of all of them, living up to her nickname. She was a petite blond with light brown eyes and soft, wavy hair that cascaded down her shoulders. Katie, still standing close beside Pam and gazing at Castiel, had short brown hair that curled gently just under her chin and was of average stature and shape, with a belly button piercing.

Castiel grinned a little at the girls enthusiasm and his eyes widened when he looked up to see the others crowded around them too. He tried to remember all their names. He would eventually. It would just take some time but one name stuck out. "Chastity?" he said, voice a little lost in trying to remember why she looked so familiar. "Oh! Chastity! Do you remember me? I was here months ago with some business guys. Bet me $200 I couldn't get up and dance?" He laughed a little at the thought. Bit ironic how he'd ended up here after spending so long to try and please the fat cats in the suits.

Chastity looked at Raven in confusion, trying to place him, and then it clicked into place. Castiel, the hilarious drunk guy who'd gotten up to dance on the bar and collect money from his colleagues. "Oh yeah!" She exclaimed, grinning excitedly as she remembered. "I remember telling you that you should be a table dancer but I didn't think you'd ever actually do it! What are you doing here, it looked like you had a good job with those guys in suits." The other girls were looking at Chastity in bafflement that she already knew Raven, and she grinned happily. Finally, she had something that they didn't and it made her feel ridiculously happy to already have a friend in the new guy.

Castiel shrugged a little. Not wanting to talk about it. Not right now anyway. "Long story," he said with a sheepish look. He paused, seeing all the girls looking at him expectantly so he add. "I just love dancin' more than kissing some fat cat's ass. I figured they should be paying me for the privilege to even look at my ass. You know what I mean?" Okay. Maybe tone down the attitude but he was just trying to fit in. Get their approval.

Pamela laughed and patted Castiel's ass lightly. "You'll fit right in around here, Baby Bird," she said, "It's almost time for the first show and I've gotta run, you can just stay back here and watch or you can go down front if you want. It's not that crowded yet but it will be in about an hour." The girls all scattered and fussed with their skimpy outfits, adding final touches to their costumes. Not all of them were going on at the same time, it was actually just Pamela for the first opening act, just a quick dance to get the crowd warmed up. She searched around the dimly lit dressing room and spotted Justin, and she waved him over. Justin was a a tall, incredibly sexy guy with short-cropped dark blond hair and well-defined muscles and tanned skin, and he had both nipples pierced as well. He was wearing nothing but baggy basketball shorts and flip flops, and he smiled at Castiel in greeting, giving him a friendly wave. "This is Raven, he's the new addition to the family. Don't scare him off," Pamela warned, leaning close and poking Justin in the middle of his perfectly-toned chest. Justin pinched her cheek affectionately, causing her to snort and pull away, slapping lightly at his arm. "Bro, I just did my makeup, don't screw it up!" She groaned, and then looked back at Castiel. "He's a nice guy, don't let him scare you." before she walked away, leaving Castiel with Justin. Justin looked at Cas and offered his hand to shake. "So, you're the new guy? This your first day?"

Castiel's eyes brightened at the nickname baby bird. He'd been here twenty minutes and they were already making him apart of their little family. It was sweet but he still felt like he needed to earn the title. That he'd do when he'd start dancing. He smiled at the interaction between Cherie and Justin and shook the man's hand politely. "Sort of. I'm just observing for now. I wouldn't really call it a first day until I get out on that stage. You know?" He shrugged, looking Justin up and down curiously. "So you're a dancer here? You got any tips for me? Words of advice that the ladies might not be able to give me?" he asked, figuring he might as well start by taking notes now. To show Ellen how serious he was about this gig.

Justin chewed his lip thoughtfully and shrugged. "Well, the girls just worry about their weight and skin tone and hair and all that, you know how girls are. They're all beautiful and confident women but they tend to worry more. My advice to you is to exercise regularly to maintain all that nice muscle you've got." Justin looked Raven up and down, observing his torso and nodding in approval. "You look like a dancer, dude, so that shouldn't really be a problem. Also, just work the hips, ladies love it and you'll get awesome tips. Sometimes they'll pay extra for a lapdance, or even a private session in one of the VIP rooms, but there's all kinds of rules and stuff with that. You don't need to do those if you're not comfortable with it. I've got a solo act a little later, you might wanna watch just to see what I do and stuff, it might help you out."

Castiel nodded and smiled in understanding. "Yeah. Sure. That sounds great. I'll be sure to check it out." Everyone around him was getting ready for the first performance. Castiel decided to sit backstage and observe the way each and every performer pleased and teased the crowd. Each one seemed to have their own trait that made their performances a little different. Castiel made a note to try and come up with something that'd get the audience's attention. After all, it did seem like the best way to get big tips. After a productive first day of observing. Cherie told Castiel to come back tomorrow and try out a few moves whilst most of the girls were on stage. Less pressure on him for his first performance too. Castiel went home with a tired grin, happy to come home to Dean and excited about the thought of dancing tomorrow. Even if it was just for five minutes. It was two in the morning by the time Castiel got back, striped out of his clothes and under the covers next to his Dean.

Dean had fallen asleep in an empty bed and resisted the urge to call Cas, not wanting to annoy him and needing Cas to know he trusted him. When he woke up in the morning, Cas was in bed beside him and Dean sighed in relief. He looked exhausted and was still fast asleep, and Dean gently kissed his forehead and snuggled a little closer, closing his eyes again and dozing off once more.

Castiel awoke late morning with Dean still sleeping beside him. He smiled softly, snuggling up to Dean and played with his hair absently, brushing it out of Dean's face so he could kiss his forehead. He was so beautiful. He really looked happy just lying there, asleep. Castiel sighed, seeing him look so innocent like this made him wonder if he was doing to right thing. He should tell him. Before he looses Dean's trust again.

Dean eventually awoke slowly once more and saw Cas gazing back at him, and he smiled softly at him. "Morning," he mumbled sleepily, "Have a good night?" He closed his eyes again and yawned into the pillow , snuggling up and tucking his head under Castiel's chin to stay close to his warmth and comforting scent. Dean wasn't sure what it was but he could smell something different on Castiel's skin, but he couldn't quite place it. It was a sweet smell, kind of like vanilla and pumpkin, but he didn't know what it was. He inhaled and sniffed curiously.

Castiel was about to answer Dean but he was too comfy just to lie there with Dean curled up tight against him. That was until he started sniffing him. He sighed tightly, pressing his hands to Dean's shoulders and lightly pushed him away so they could see face to face. "I..I went to a strip club last night," he said, voice firm as he held Dean's eyes. This was the right thing. He had to tell his partner about this. It would only get worse if he had to lie about this. "I got a job working there. I haven't started yet but they wanted me to observe and see whether I think the job is right for me." He took a deep breath, looking deep into Dean's eyes. "And it is. I want to do this."

Dean gave Cas a confused look and then sat up a little bit so he could see Cas properly. "You... you what?" He asked in disbelief, frowning. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard. "Wait a minute, are you shitting me? You got a job as a stripper?" Dean wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel about this. Proud because Cas was doing something he wanted to do and had found a new job? Disgusted or unhappy at the thought of Cas taking his clothes off for money? Jealous that other people would be seeing his boyfriend crawling around a stage nearly naked and picking up dollar bills with his teeth while giving horny girls bedroom eyes meant for Dean only? All Dean could process at the moment was shock and he didn't know what to do with this news. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? I don't wanna sound like a total douche bag but I'm not sure I like this, Cas."

Castiel sat up, fiddling with his engagement ring nervously. "I want to..it's just been real sudden and I know something like this isn't easy to accept..I was just scared of what you might think," he said quietly. "And I know what you're thinking. The nudity and the sex sells thing. But let me tell you Dean. You're the only one for me. They're just clients, okay? And...it's more than a job. It's a family..the women who work there. They've been through hell. I can relate. They look out for each other. I was there for one night and I've felt more accepted as a person than I ever have anywhere else."

Dean couldn't help it but he was a little hurt. Cas was barely comfortable getting naked for Dean, and now he was just going to go up on a stage and take his clothes off for a crowd. He'd be performing, displaying his body to other people, the skin that only Dean had ever kissed and touched and loved, and now drunk horny women were going to see Cas in the way that only Dean had ever seen him before. Call him possessive, but Dean really didn't like the idea of strangers getting off on Castiel's body. And there was something about what Cas had said that bothered him even more. "You don't feel accepted as a person when you're with me? I've given you everything, Cas. Is it not enough?" He didn't raise his voice, didn't want to start a fight, but he was hurting and needed Cas to know why.

Castiel frowned a little, shaking his head. "Dean, that's not what I meant," he said softly. "I feel comfortable around you. I've always felt accepted when I'm with you," he said, trying to reassure Dean. He shouldn't have worded it like that. "I love you more than anything in this world and I could never be more thankful for everything you've done for me." He paused before adding. "But what I meant was I've never felt so accepted by other's before. You know, friends. People besides you."

Dean looked down at his hands, his face giving nothing away. He wasn't sure what to feel, but Castiel's words reassured him just slightly. He looked up at Cas with a blank expression. "I don't know about this, Cas," he said uncertainly, "I know I sound like a jerk but I really don't like the idea of you taking your clothes off and being sexy for strangers. It makes me uncomfortable."

Castiel dipped his head down, looking at his hands in his lap and nodded. "I know. I get that," he said softly. He didn't want them to fight about this. He was still surprised Dean hadn't yelled at him and told him not to go. "And I'm sorry I didn't tell you yesterday. I just wanted to see what it was like first. Make up my own mind before telling you." He looked up again and smiled softly at Dean. "And it's something I really wanna try, Dean. It'll be a real confidence booster for me. If I can do this, I can do anything. And I want to be able to dance again. I want to audition but i can barely keep eye contact with someone. This'll help me. Ellen will help me. She knows I can dance and she's willing to help me get back my confidence. Please, Dean. This isn't about getting stripping for strangers. This is about fixing me."

Dean looked up moodily. "Who the hell is Ellen?" He asked in a low voice. He didn't know how he was supposed to react to this unexpected business about Cas being a stripper. He wanted to be angry and tell Cas that only Dean was allowed to look at him like that, but he felt like an asshole for even thinking that way. He sighed. "Fine. I don't own you, you should be able to do it if you really want to but I still don't like it." he muttered.

Castiel flinched a little. He could hear Dean getting angry. "S-She's the manager," he stuttered, biting his lower lip. He really thought telling Dean the truth would be better. Maybe he should have kept it secret. To protect them both. "I know a-a-and you don't have to. I don't expect you to support me but I have to do this. I-I just want you to know you're the only one for me. This job won't change anything. Besides..it's mostly women I'll be working with. They're not even my thing."

Dean looked at Cas and sighed apologetically, shaking his head. "Cas, chill out. It's fine, I'm not pissed off or anything. I'll get used to it, I guess. Do it if it makes you happy." Dean offered Cas a half smile and ruffled his messy hair to show he wasn't angry. Cas looked scared, which made Dean feel like shit. Cas should never be scared of Dean. He wanted to change the subject to something that didn't make him feel unhappy. "How'd your tats come out?"

Castiel let Dean play with his hair and relaxed a little at the touch. Things seemed okay, he thought. Dean'd get used to it. He pressed a small kiss to Dean's lips before moving away to tug off his pyjama bottoms and reveal the barbed wire which covered his scars and wrapped around each thigh. "W-What do you think?" he asked quietly, looking at Dean with a sheepish expression. "Do you like it?"

Dean watched eagerly as Cas took off his sweatpants to reveal the new tattoos, and his eyes widened in awe and he leaned forward. The skin around them was still red and tender but the black detail of the barbed wire wrapping completely around his thighs was pretty impressive. "Whoa," he breathed, "Cas, that looks really awesome." Despite himself, Dean could picture Cas stripping to reveal those tattoos, and even though he didn't like the idea of anyone else seeing Cas like that it was still pretty hot.

Castiel smiled a little, looking up at Dean with soft eyes. "Yeah?" he asked softly,pulling his sweatpants back up and shuffled a little closer to Dean, taking his hand so he could admire Dean's tattoo too. "Almost as beautiful as this?" he said, eyeing Dean's lifeline tattoo. "I'm still really proud of you for going through with this Dean. I know that must have been tough to go through."

Dean blushed a little when Cas looked closely at his tattoo, and he shrugged. "It's not that bad," he said, referring to both the stripper thing and the tattoo. "Just... promise me you won't do anything stupid, alright? No prostitution or anything." Dean looked up at Cas with an honest, open expression. "I'm sorry if I freaked you out with my reaction, it just kind of... took me by surprise."

Castiel blinked looking up from Dean's tattoo when he mentioned prostitution. "No. Of course not. Just lap dances. That's it. That's all it is. Just dancing." He squeezed Dean's hand a little and bit his lip. "No it's okay. I understand. It's a big step for us..we've never really been good at the whole jealousy thing. I get why this is a problem for you."

Dean couldn't help it; he made a disgusted face when Cas said "lap dance". That was borderline pornography and Dean really didn't like the sound of his boyfriend writhing around in a stranger's lap and grinding up against them. "I guess it's alright," Dean said reluctantly, "It's just weird to think about sharing you with people I've never met," he admitted.

Castiel nodded and sighed. "I know." He looked Dean up and down with warm eyes, stroking his cheek tenderly. "But that's the thing...you get me 100%." He kissed Dean softly, warm and passionately. "They don't get any of this," he whispered, running his hand into Dean's hair. "They just get the exterior. A body. A fake name. You get me for me. You get Castiel. They don't."

Dean nodded in understanding and offered Cas a small smile. He made a good point and Dean was starting to see the situation through his eyes, but it was still weird to him. "Okay, I have to ask. What's your stage name?" Dean looked at Castiel with a little smile to let him know Dean accepted him still and always.

Castiel smiled a little. "Mystic Raven," he said sheepishly. "Raven for short," he added rubbing his arm nervously. "Ellen said it'd work 'cause of my wings." He shrugged, shuffling to sit next to Dean and rest his cheek against his shoulder. "I could show you..if you want? I could give you a little preview of Raven?" he offered, pressing a chaste kiss to Dean's cheek.

"Mystic Raven," Dean repeated thoughtfully, and then nodded in approval. "Nice," He looked at Cas with a timid smile and shrugged uncertainly. He wasn't sure if he wanted to see it, because it was fake, an act, and it felt weird to be seeing Cas pretending to be sexual for show. But part of him was curious to see what Castiel could do. "I guess, if you want to." He said with another shrug.

Castiel cupped Dean's cheek, rubbing his thumb over the soft skin slowly. "I don't have to if you don't want me to. I just..I thought you might be more comfortable if you knew what I did." He paused giving an uncertain look. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea. "If you don't want that I could still do it..but as me?" he offered quietly. "I'm yours, Dean. Whatever you want from me, just ask. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

Dean looked down at his hands uncertainly. "I don't wanna see it if it's not real, it just.. it's weird. If you're going to do that kind of stuff for me I'd rather have you really mean it and not just faking, you know? I'm sure it's sexy as hell but I don't want to feel like I'm a client and you're giving me something I'm paying for... it just feels wrong. And I don't _want_ anything from you, Cas. That makes me sound like a paying client demanding your services, or something."

Castiel's smiled faded and he nodded slightly, dipping his head down to look at Dean's stomach absently. "Yeah. Sorry...I didn't mean..yeah. Sorry. I just wanted to do something nice for you. I didn't mean.." He lifted his head up to give Dean a small timid smile, kissing Dean's cheek quickly in apology. "I'm sorry..I'm just happy you're noeasilyt freaking out too much over this. I'd really like to try this and I think it's great you're supporting me and not being all alpha and telling me I can't do this."

Dean cringed a little at the alpha comment. "I hate that whole alpha thing," he admitted, "I don't want to be controlling like that, babe. Sorry if I came across that way, you're in control of your own life and I shouldn't be telling you what to do." He gently took Castiel's hand and gave it a light squeeze. "So, I'm not asking you to show me your moves but if you want to I won't complain."

Castiel gave a small smile and nodded. "I understand," he said softly, moving away from Dean and got of the bed. He went through his wardrobe and poked his head out again, looking at Dean with a cheeky grin. "Let's just have some fun," he beamed, taking some clothes out of the wardrobe and ran into the bathroom. He came back a few moments later in a pair of black boxers with a white shirt hanging over them. Black suspenders pressed tight against his chest and buckled into his boxers, making his shirt ruffle up a little around his hips. He grinned at Dean and put his iPod on playing _Dancin' in the moonlight. _He grinned at Dean and began dancing, striding back and forth on his feet and played with the suspenders teasingly, watching Dean the whole time.

Dean watched curiously and grinned at Cas as he looked through the wardrobe. "Alright," he agreed easily, hoping that Cas was comfortable with this and he wouldn't force it or anything. When Cas came back out wearing black boxers and a white shirt with suspenders, Dean's eyes widened and he smiled, nodding in approval and giving Cas a thumbs up. Cas put some music on and began dancing a little while he played with the suspenders, and Dean sat back on the bed against the wall and watched.

Castiel laughed a little, blushing adoringly as he moved around the room, flipping his head back and over his shoulder as he had his back towards Dean. "Dancin' in the moonlight, everybody's dancin' in the moonlight," he mouthed along to the song, shrugging his suspenders off his shoulders and started dancing playfully against the edge of the bed, unbuttoning his shirt before letting it gracefully drop to the floor, turning his back to reveal his wings as he put the suspenders back up on over his shoulders, looking teasingly over at Dean.

Dean watched eagerly as Castiel eased the suspenders down off his shoulders, the muscles in his back flexing and making the wings come alive. Castiel's body was just amazing and Dean really was lucky he got to have him all the time, even if it meant sharing that awesomeness with other people, but it wouldn't be the same. Cas was his and he was Cas'. Dean grinned as Cas looked over his shoulder at him.

Castiel chuckled, playing with his suspenders again and tried to take them off his boxers when the elastic snapped and hit him in the face. Well, nearly did but from Dean's view it look like it'd hit him and Castiel just decided to play along. "Ah, fuck. My eye," he grumbled, holding a hand over his eyes as he scrunched up his face, moving towards the bed blindly, using the opportunity to crawl up the bed and pat around and touch Dean where he pleased, groping him lightly as he crawled up the bed, laughing idiotically before taking his hand away from his eyes and grinned at Dean.

Dean leaned forward in concern when the suspenders snapped off his boxers and went flying up to hit him in the face, and he winced and looked at Cas worriedly. "Shit, are you alright?" He asked, reaching out to help Cas, but Cas just kept moving towards him and began to feel around blindly, touching him in places that were definitely not accidental and then Dean laughed and pulled Castiel closer, giggling slightly and looking at him with wide, happy eyes.

"Never been better," he murmured, grinning happily and laughing idiotically still. He ran his hands through Dean's hair and kissed him briefly. "Yes. Perfect," he murmured sweetly, brushing his nose against Dean's. "Let's go out today," he said with a cheery expression. "I think I'm ready. We can make a date of it. Go for a walk in the park? Or on the beach? Anything you want baby. I want today to be yours."

Dean smiled and hugged Cas close to him, kissing his neck happily. They were alright and things were getting better for them; Castiel had a job and there were no secrets between them, and Dean was glad Cas had told him about the strip club. He laid back and stretched, putting his hands behind his head and looked up at Cas lazily. "Wanna go to the beach so you can show off those sexy tattoos and get a tan?" Dean suggested with a small smile.

Castiel grinned a little. "Sure, but I won't be showing off my tats. I just got my thighs done. I don't want the sun to dull the colour of the ink already." He kissed Dean's nose and smiled. "But I can wear shorts if you still want to go and you can wear some fabric around your wrist if you want to keep the ink looking fresh," he said, kissing Dean briefly before moving away to get something from beneath the bed.

Dean nodded and sat up again after Cas kissed him and he yawned a little. "Alright," he agreed, "Beach, then? And it's alright, I really wasn't expecting you to wear a Speedo to the beach, your thighs will be covered probably." Dean swung his legs over the edge of the bed and watched as Cas got on the floor and searched for something under the bed.

Castiel retrieve a small box and brought it up from beneath the bed, holding it out for Dean. "Sure," he said with a small smile. "Could we go to Sam's first d'ya think? Are we allowed to do that? It is the holidays after all and it'll only take a second." After Dean took the box he used both his free hands to get up and off the floor, stretching out his back before looking for his clothes, putting them out on the bed, ready for tonight.

Dean nodded and stood up to find some clothes. "Yeah, that's fine, I think. I've never gone to the foster home during the week but I'm sure they'll be okay with it if we do." He looked at the box Castiel handed to him and turned it over in his hands, wondering what it was. "Gift for Sam?" He asked casually.

Castiel had his clothes spread out on the bed and nodded to himself before taking the box back from Dean and opened it slowly revealing a silver chained necklace with a ruby shaped heart on the end of it. "Gift for Ruby," he corrected, closing the box again and set it on the bed. "Sam asked me to help him out finding her something. He said Winchester's aren't exactly great when it comes to picking gifts."

Dean smiled softly as he looked closer at the necklace in the little box. "It's beautiful," he said, "How come I didn't know about this? He's really serious about her." He took the box and carefully picked up the ruby heart charm. "Is this real? It must've been expensive. I'll get Sam to pay you back," he offered.

"I don't know..I guess he wanted to involve me a little more in his life or something?" he shrugged. He shrugged on some clothes and nodded. "He'll pay me back," he assured. "He just needed someone to pay the other half for it. Which is fine. Kid's been workin' real hard getting the money together for this." He smiled a little. "I think it's sweet. A ruby for his Ruby. They're so cute."

Dean looked at Cas proudly and kissed him. "Yeah. I really like her, I think she's good for him, you know? And they are pretty damn adorable." Dean pulled on some clothes and then handed Castiel's sunglasses to him. "Wanna take the Impala or the bike?" He asked, feeling giddy and excited at the fact that since they were already basically living together, they could make these kind of decisions now.

Castiel nodded, taking Dean's hand and dragged him downstairs. "Let's take the Impala, I wanna be able to see you while we drive," he smiled. They went to the car and headed off to the beach, spending the day there together. Castiel reluctantly had to decline Dean's offer of dinner as he had to get back to go to work. He dressed in his outfit, took off his ring and set it on the nightstand before kissing Dean's cheek and left. This happened every night for the next 2 weeks.

Castiel was currently in their bedroom, rubbing lotion into his skin, part of Ellen's routine advice. "Tonight's my first solo, babe," he beamed excitedly. "Ellen's giving me a chance. Said if I don't screw up she might make it part of the line-up. Isn't that great?" He couldn't stop smiling. He was so excited to show off what he could really do. He put the bottle on the side and shimmed back into some pants. He slid off his wedding ring and placed it carefully on the side of the nightstand.

Dean was sitting on the bed watching as Castiel got ready to go to work. He'd gotten used to their routine now, and Cas actually did seem happier and he appeared to enjoy going to work. Dean was glad that it worked out for him, but he was still hesitant to actually go to the strip club to see Cas perform. He felt weird about it and wanted Cas to have all of his focus on the audience, not being distracted by a familiar face in the crowd. Tonight was a big night and Dean hoped it would go well for Cas. "You got this, sexy," he encouraged with a grin. "Go make 'em drop their panties. I'll be waiting for you when you get home."

Castiel chuckled, leaning over the bed and kissed Dean briefly. "Okay, babe," he smiled, standing back up to get his keys and his phone. "If everything goes well I might be back a little later tonight. Celebration with the girls and all," he shrugged, waving Dean goodbye. "See you later, kitten. Have a good night." And with that Castiel left and headed out to the club. When he got there the place was buzzing and Castiel could barely contain his excitement. Tonight was going to be a good night.

Benny, head of security at Sinner's Paradise, was on his shift at the back door to let the dancers in and make sure nobody else snuck in. When he saw Raven approaching, he smiled. "Hey, Hot Wings," he greeted affectionately. He'd grown to like the kid and he was rooting for him. Raven always had a friendly, pleasant demeanor and was just a nice guy in general, and he'd kind of become the pet of the club, the baby of the family. Everyone loved him. "Tonight's the big night, eh?"

Castiel saw Benny at the door and waved happily. "Hey, Benny," he smiled cheerfully as the bouncer let him in. "Yeah, keep your fingers crossed for me will ya?" he said, patting Benny's arm playfully as he walked into the club. Chastity was the first to see him, running towards him and hugged him tight. "Baby bird, I'm so proud of you. You're gonna knock them dead out there." Castiel returned the hug and laughed. "Thanks C, I'm really excited. Hey, will you come do my make-up for me? I still haven't gotten the hang of putting eyeliner on yet."

Chastity took Raven's hand and led him away. She was already in costume for her double act with Jade, wearing a lacy bra with a sheer drape hanging down to her waist, and matching panties under a short blue skirt, and her hair and makeup were already done as well. "I'm gonna make you so pretty," she said, looking at Raven over her shoulder and laughing as Candi pouted and said, I thought I was gonna get to do his makeup," Chastity sat Raven down at her messy vanity and turned the light on over the mirror. "Alright, what's your costume gonna be? Are you doing the angel thing this time?"

Castiel grinned and gave an apologetic look to Candi. "Don't worry, sweetheart. You can do it tomorrow," he promised with an easy smile. He was led to Chastity's table as she began to draw on a thin layer of coal eyeliner around his eyes, making the blue really pop. "Oh, Chastity. It wouldn't be a secret if I told you now would it?" he grinned slyly, keeping his bag close to him with his costume in. "You'll just have to wait like everyone else."

Chastity smirked and blended the eyeliner in a little bit before standing back to make sure it was even. "Ooh, a surprise," she murmured, winking at him. "You look gorgeous, but I wanna put a little mascara on you," she said, taking out her mascara and carefully putting it on his eyelashes to enhance his eyes. "Damn, you look sexy." She styled his hair a bit and then held out some glittery, perfumed liquid in a bottle. "Wanna try this? I use it all the time and it's awesome."

Castiel laughed a little when Chastity didn't wait for his answer. He felt a little like a ken doll. "Sure," he said with a shrug before taking the bottle and put a little on himself. "Fuck it's strong," he said, grimacing at the strength of the scent. He gave the bottle back and moved away, smiling. "Thanks, C. I gotta go change now. You'll come watch my performance?" he asked, picking up his back to move away to go change.

Chastity gave him a look and nodded. "Duh, Raven. I'll out on the floor serving drinks during your act. Everyone's really excited. Go get ready!" She shooed him away playfully and then sat down in the chair in front of the mirror and retouched her own hair and makeup. She made sure the scar on her stomach that she never talked about was covered with makeup and looked smooth and hidden like always. She tended to wear costumes that showed a little less skin, mostly ones that covered up her stomach but made up for it with her legs and chest.

Castiel grinned and moved away to get change. His black boxers fit snuggly around his hips as he stepped into his tinted black tights. He looked in the mirror and admired that his tattoo could be seen through the slightly see through tights. He then got a tank top and shrugged into it, putting a glitter black jacket on over the top. He admired himself in the mirror and started rolling his hips a little, seeing how he looked. He laughed nervously shaking his head. This was ridiculous. He was a stripper.

Chastity and Jade headed out to wait tables and serve drinks to earn extra tips. "Hey, sugar, can I get you anything?" Chastity said, leaning over and giving a middle aged man a sultry smile, letting her blond wavy hair fall over her shoulder. She pasted on a suggestive, flirty look and the man tucked a few dollars into the waistband of her skirt, and she brought him a drink a moment later. it was almost time for Raven's act, and Justin announced him. "Alright, ladies, this one's for you. We've got a little something new to show you tonight, and consider yourselves lucky because tonight, for the first time, I present to you Heaven's hottest little angel. Give it up for Mystic Raven!" There was an applause and a cheer from the females in the room as Raven walked out on stage, and Chastity paused by the bar to watch.

Castiel took a deep breath as he stepped out onto stage. P!nk began to play on the speakers, U + Ur Hand and the audience cheered as the new guy came out. Castiel hesitate for just a second before becoming Raven. He strutted out to the centre of the stage, flipping his head back as he stroked a pose and grinned out at the audience, giving one of the girls a cheeky wink. He twirled and wiggled his hips seductively, the light hitting his jacket and making it sparkle. He shrugged out of his jacket and threw it to the back of the stage, before spinning around the pole and ground down against it. He crawled slowly along the floor towards the woman watching him with lust filled eyes and grinned, winking briefly before sitting up on his knees and thrust the air. The girls squealed and shoved a few bills into his boxers. Castiel grinned, getting up and span around the pole again, taking off his tank top, revealing his wings. He climbed up the pole and wrapped his legs around the pole, bending back down, to expose his winged back. He got back to his feet, sauntering around the stage, winking at the woman and men he saw who looked at him with interested eyes and danced close to them as they shoved bills into the waistband of his boxers and cheered in encouragement.

Chastity watched with a proud smile as Raven took the stage and worked the pole, looking not the least bit nervous. Jade strutted over to Chastity and the girls shared an impressed look. "He's really working the crowd, look at him!" Jade said excitedly, and Chastity nodded in agreement. "Looks like he's been doing this for years. He's good." She said with a grin.

Castiel's song finished and he took a small bow. The crowd cheered and Raven became Castiel again. He gathered up his clothes and quickly sauntered off the stage. As soon as he was backstage he collapsed into a heap, breathing heavily. A light sweat covering his forehead. "Wow," he breathed. He felt adrenaline coursing through his system at an incredible speed and he wasn't sure what to do next. He just sat there, smiling to himself. He'd did it. He'd gotten his confidence back and he felt damn sexy for it.

When Raven's act was almost over, Chastity handed a beer bottle to Jade and told her which table to give it to, and then she made her way backstage to meet Raven when he finished. When he walked offstage and collapsed in a chair, breathing hard and his body glistening, Chastity grinned and walked up to him to give him a hug. "Babe, that was amazing!" She exclaimed, "Absolutely amazing for your first time, you looked so confident out there!" She backed up a little and pulled some cash out of his waistband and held it up, grinning. "Look at this, Raven! Holy shit!"

Castiel hadn't even registered Chastity was there until she was pulling her hand into his boxers and taking out the money. "Hey," he said absently, chuckling a little. "That was amazing," he said breathlessly, shaking his head. "Can I do that more often? That felt so good." He grinned at Chastity taking the money from her and started to take the rest from his boxers and put it in his pants pocket. "Thanks for supporting me out there. It's a really great feeling to be admired like that."

Several other girls came over to congratulate Raven for his stunning first performance, and people rushed around to start the second act. Pamela came over and patted Raven on the shoulder, smiling proudly at him. "Honey, I think you're in high demand now," she said, "We've only got a few male dancers and the ladies love them but they love a little something new, Angel Face. You're dazzling and I think you're about to become very popular."

Castiel swallowed thickly, laughing a little when Pamela said that. "I..I think I'd be okay with that," he grinned, just so happy his first day had gone well. He still couldn't believe how much he'd made just from today. And it'd only been the first day. After the first act the rest of the night was a blur. He helped wait tables when he was free and was asked more than once to take over the ladies' table. He made a lot of money that night just from tips alone and Castiel couldn't believe this was his job now. He was getting paid to be adored. It was perfect. After closing hours, the girls stayed for a drink to celebrate Raven's first night. By the time Castiel got home to Dean, he was tipsy and warm and in the mood to keep dancing. "Honey, I'm home," he whispered sweetly, stepping into their bedroom and dropped his bag by the door. Still oblivious to the fact he had make-up on.

Dean had made an effort to stay awake to wait for Cas to get home, because he was anxious to know how his first night went. By the time Cas got home it was past three in the morning and he'd dozed off slightly but woke up right away when Cas came in, absolutely glowing with happiness like Dean hadn't seen in a long time. Dean sat up and looked Castiel up and down, taking in the disheveled clothing, messy hair, and sensual scent, as well as the glitter and the eyeliner, and Dean shivered slightly and lowered his chin a little, looking up at Cas seductively. "Damn, Cas," he murmured, "You look incredible. I take it you had a good night?"

Castiel grinned, shimmying out of his pant and crawled up the bed towards Dean, only stopping to tug out of his top and throw it to the floor. "I had a wonderful night," he replied, kissing Dean's cheek. "Everyone loved my dance number," he grinned, poking Dean's cheek with his nose. "I think I might get more people notice me next time. Get more tips once people start telling their friends about me."

Dean looked Cas up and down lustfully, smelling the sweat and perfume and alcohol on him, and he shivered again and slid his hands up Castiel's arms as he came closer, feeling the heat of his skin and warm breath on his face. Cas looked damn hot in eyeliner, and Dean looked at him intensely, feeling aroused just by the sight of him. "Did you get a lot of dollar bills stuffed down your pants?"

Castiel grinned nodding. "Sure did, kitten," he murmured, waving absently to his pants on the other side of the room. "Someone even shoved a twenty down there. Can you believe that?" He grinned, kissing Dean's cheek before settling comfortably against the pillows beside Dean, staring up at him adoringly. "They actually liked me, Dean. They like my dancing. They..they love me."

Dean smiled at Cas proudly. "Of course they did, you're the sexiest piece of ass anyone's ever seen. Sexy and talented, babe." He rolled over so he was slightly above Cas, and looked down at him suggestively. "But they can't love you like I can," he murmured, sliding a hand down Castiel's side and resting on his hip as he slowly moved closer, leaning down to capture Castiel's lips in a slow, hot kiss.

Castiel grinned, laughing a little and shook his head. "You're ridiculous," he snorted, leaning up to kiss Dean. "You've just been waiting up to get in my pants haven't you?" he teased with a sly grin, nipping at Dean's lower lip. He growled playfully, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck. "You, Dean Winchester, are a sneaky little shit."

Dean smirked down at Cas and shrugged. "Is that a yes, then? Can I get into your tight little stripper pants?" He breathed sexily in Castiel's ear, teasingly dragging his teeth over his earlobe and tonguing at the plug. "When I get lucky I sure do get _lucky," _he murmured. "None of those cash-spewing clients get to see you like this, undone after the show. On a bed. Tangled in sheets and writhing around saying their name."

Castiel shivered a little, swallowing thickly. "Dean," he breathed, feeling a hot flush creep up his neck. "It's 3am..w-w-we'll wake Jimmy," he breathed, feeling hot and heavy under Dean's touch. "Oh God." He pressed his hands against Dean's shoulders before pushing them down Dean's back slowly. "Fuck. I'm so lucky to have this to come home to."

"Then don't make any noises," Dean reasoned, grinning against Castiel's neck as he mouthed his way down. "Mmm," he hummed, tasting the salt of Castiel's skin. He arched into Castiel's touch and braced himself up with both hands as he slotted one leg between Castiel's to slowly press their hips together. "Fuck, you're so hot like this, baby," he moaned breathily, "So fucking sexy, Cas."

Castiel bit his lip, stifling a whimper as Dean told him to be silent. "Damn Dean," he breathed when Dean didn't even bother with foreplay and just started grinding against him. "Wait a minute," he pressed, pushing Dean away just enough to reach for his ring on the side, slotting it back onto his finger where it belonged. He kissed Dean slowly, passionately kissing him until he had to move away for air. "So hot."

Dean growled when Cas pulled away, needing him to be closer and craving him like a drug. As soon as Cas had the ring on again and was back under Dean and they were kissing again, Dean moaned against his lips and kissed him deeply, taking in the taste of him greedily. He moved up a little, panting for air, and then looked into Castiel's dark-rimmed eyes, and then began kissing his way down Castiel's neck. "Gonna make sure everyone knows you're mine," he mumbled possessively, and then chose a spot on Castiel's neck to suck and bite a hickey, leaving his mark on Castiel's skin for everybody to see.

Castiel grinned, tilting his head up submissively for Dean to suck and kiss at his neck. He groaned audibly, biting down on his lip when he remembered Jimmy was in the next room with Amber and her litter. "Dean," he whispered, stroking a hand through Dean's hair. "You gotta let go sweetie," he chuckled, kissing the top of his head lightly. "I'm exhausted. Come on, you're making me wanna stay up. I need to sleep."

Dean whined and kept mouthing at Castiel's neck. "Baby, come on, just a little quickie?" He pleaded, "If you could see how hot you are right now you'd understand what you're doing to me, Cas." Because holy shit, you're turning me on so much right now, you know that?" Dean moved up to look down at Cas and he pouted, sticking his lower lip out. "Please?" he begged, "Come on, I know you want to, you're moaning, babe."

Castiel groaned, rolling his eyes. "Fine," he said, trying to keep a straight face and failed. "Just a quickie. I need my beauty sleep, babe," he murmured with a smirk. He slapped Dean's ass, kissing him roughly. "Come on then, mister. Let's see what you've got." He grinned, keeping Dean close and kissed at his neck and lips where he could reach from his position, mewing softly under his breath.

Dean grinned widely and leaned back down to meet Castiel's lips again, kissing him back just as hard as Cas kissed him. He whined in surprise when Cas slapped his ass, and he moved his hand to Castiel's crotch and palmed him through his boxers. He moved so he was more on top of Cas and tilted his head back roughly to kiss and mouth at his jaw and then work his way down to Castiel's chest.

Castiel grinned letting out breathy moans, as Dean continued to touch and kiss him. "Fucking hell. Just fuck me already," he complained, too worked up to need foreplay. "I've been working my fine ass of all night. I need the D," he whined, wiggling his hips a little as Dean played with his crotch.

Dean laughed breathlessly and worked Castiel's boxers down over his hips, nipping at his skin and lips. Castiel was moving his hips slightly, thrusting up into the air, and Dean moaned at the sight. He wrapped his fingers around Castiel's cock and stroked him slowly, kissing him hard and deep. "Want me to fuck you?" He teased breathily, "Want me deep inside you until you come?"

Castiel grinned, nodding enthusiastically and he moaned out breathlessly. "Oh God. Yes. Yes. Do it," he begged with a sharp gasp that drowned out into a moan as Dean continued to stroke him teasingly. "Fuck. Come on, babe. Do it. Fuck me," he pleaded, wiggling his hips and thrust up into Dean's hand. "I need it. I need your raging manhood inside of me," he said with as serious face before laughing idiotically.

Dean froze for a moment and narrowed his eyes in confusion. "You need my raging manhood inside of you?" He repeated in disbelief, a slow smile spreading over his face and he started laughing, giving Castiel's ass a playful squeeze before grabbing the lube from the nightstand and putting a bit on his fingers. "You're pretty flexible, right?" He said, looking down at Cas with a suggestive smile, "I wanna try something." He quickly and expertly prepared Castiel's hole, working a finger inside him and stretching him open.

Castiel was still laughing breathlessly until Dean's finger pushed inside him. "Fuck," he breathed, lifting his hips up to meet Dean's finger. He didn't need as much prep anymore. This was becoming of a regular thing between them and preparation wasn't needed as much. "What did you have in mind?" he asked, lifting his head up to kiss at Dean's neck as much as he could, marking the skin as he sucked on it eagerly.

Dean chuckled a little and leaned down to kiss Castiel's lips. "Hang on, baby. I've got you." he murmured with a soft smile. He moved back and lifted Castiel's legs up to rest on his shoulders and then positioned himself right up against Castiel's ass, and then leaned forward slowly until his hands were on either side of Castiel's head on the mattress and their faces were inches apart. The position left Castiel nearly folded in half with his head between his knees, and Dean looked down at Cas in concern. "Is this okay? Am I hurting you? Apparently this position feels awesome from the bottom. I've been doing a little research,"

Castiel tensed a little when Dean manoeuvred him into a new position and Castiel looked up at Dean curiously. "Dean?" he asked hesitantly. "No...yeah. It's fine," he said quietly. "I..I'm not sure," he said quietly. "I feel like you're putting me in a suitcase," he chuckled softly, reaching up a hand to try and hold onto Dean a little.

Dean kissed Cas reassuringly and moved back a little. "Let's give it a try, it's supposed to feel really good for the bottom, changes the angle and everything. If it's too much or if I'm hurting you we'll stop, okay babe?" Dean looked down at Cas to make sure he was alright with it. Dean knew that he definitely wouldn't be comfortable if their positions were switched, but he wasn't nearly as flexible as Cas was. "We don't have to do it like this if you're uncomfortable."

Castiel shook his head. "No," he whispered, smoothing out the creases in Dean's shoulders. "Lets...lets try it," he said with a breathless smile. It felt really weird to have Dean hold him like this but he was willing to give anything a try. "I-I trust you, babe. Just get on with it."

Dean grinned and kissed Castiel deeply as he eased into him, and he quickly discovered that he was able to get much deeper this way, and he found Castiel's G-spot almost immediately. He moved slowly, letting Castiel get used to the feel of it, and he bit his lip and watched Castiel's expression closely to make sure it was alright. Dean was holding himself up with his arms, elbows locked so he didn't crush Cas and fold him up even more.

Castiel groaned loudly, screwing his eyes shut. "Fuck!" he cried out, wrapping his legs around Dean's neck as much as he could with out choking him in this awkward position. "Oh God, that feels amazing," he cried out in pleasure. "Come on, babe. Fuck me. Fuck me hard," he breathed out in excitement. His whole body throbbing with pleasure.

Dean kept going, encouraged by Castiel's reaction, and put all his effort into making it good for Cas and making him come. "So much for being quiet," he muttered in breathless amusement, his arms shaking from holding himself up as he thrust into Cas hard and fast, hitting his G-spot on every stroke. It felt amazing, and what made it so good was how much Cas seemed to be enjoying it, and Dean really liked the fact that Cas was so flexible. "Fuck, you feel so good," Dean panted, moaning and dropping his head next to Castiel's to watch between their bodies.

Castiel rolled his eyes, not caring how loud he was when it felt this fucking good. "Just keep going," he breathed, holding onto Dean for dear life as he pounded into him. It felt so good and hot and after the night of teasing and flirting he'd been doing this was exactly what he needed to fight his urges. "Come on, baby. Show me I'm yours."

Dean moaned and panted, sweat beading on his forehead as he pounded into Cas faster and harder, the bed creaking under them and the headboard slamming against the wall slightly. Dean's entire body was hot and tight with pleasure and he knew it wasn't going to last much longer. He whined slightly with every few thrusts, the sound of their skin smacking together as he pounded Cas hard. "Tell me when you're gonna come," Dean groaned, "Tell me when you come, I wanna come with you, wanna do it together... tell me, tell me..."

Castiel's jaw loosened and his eyes screwed shut as he let Dean just use his body, working his own pleasure out of him. "S-Soon.. Oh God, Dean. So soon. I'm gonna come. I can't..." Castiel cried out in pleasure, his orgasm ripping through him suddenly as he tried to keep it together. He came untouched. Something unusual for Castiel but he'd never felt something so intense before. He was in shock a little, body still trembling as he came down from his high.

Dean let out a strangled, hoarse moan as Castiel reached his climax and shuddered underneath him, and Dean let himself go at the exact moment Castiel did and cried out, spasms going through his body in waves of pleasure as he came inside Cas. He groaned, smiling tiredly, and pulled out of Castiel to let his legs down, and then collapsed heavily beside him with an exhausted sigh. "Oh my God," he panted, "Fuck, Cas."

Castiel's legs dropped against the bed and he sighed heavily. "Fuck," he breathed, feeling his body tremble slightly, the heat of his skin cooling and he shivered slightly. "So good," he murmured sleepily, already tired and half asleep beside Dean. His legs were well and truly gone. He wouldn't be surprised if he couldn't dance tomorrow because of this.

Dean felt Cas shiver and smiled softly at him, pulling him close against his side and drawing the blanket up over both of them as the sweat cooled on their skin. Dean kissed Castiel's forehead softly and stroked his hair, looking over at him fondly as Cas started to drift off to sleep. Dean was exhausted, his body trembling and warm and spent, and he fell asleep within moments.

Castiel awoke with a pleasurable ache. His body spent and warm, he moaned softly, snuggling up against Dean and inhaled his scent. He smelt like sweat and Castiel and he hummed happily. "My prince," he murmured sweetly, pressing his nose against Dean's shoulder as he kissed the skin in his half sleep state.

Dean was vaguely aware of Castiel moving beside him as he slowly awoke, and he smiled sleepily and hummed in response, turning towards Cas and pulling him closer. He pressed his lips against what he thought was Castiel's jaw or chin and sighed in contentment. "Mmm. Morning, babe," he mumbled against the skin there.

Castiel hummed, opening his eyes a little. "Hey," he mumbled tiredly. "You okay, kitten?" he murmured sleepily, stroking his hand over Dean's stomach absently. "Mmm, so warm," he murmured, snuggling up to Dean happily, trying to keep warm and kiss and touch Dean as much as he could. He loved him so much. Waking up like this again made him happy.

Dean giggled sleepily and snuggled closer, hugging Cas tightly for a moment before relaxing and opening his eyes to look at him, and he laughed a little. "You've still got makeup on," he explained, looking over at Cas with a loving smile. "It's all smeared. You look like an emo thirteen-year-old girl." Dean kissed Castiel's nose gently. "I'm exhausted. Are your legs all sore?"

Castiel snorted out a laugh and made a half-assed attempt to swat Dean away. "I'm tired," he sighed, shaking his head. "A little," he said softly. "Totally worth it though. That felt amazing last night." He grinned lazily, pressing his lips to Dean's softly before slumping against his chest as he continued to stroke Dean's belly lovingly.

Dean grinned and pressed his nose against Castiel's neck to inhale his scent. He smelled like sex and sweat and faint cologne and Dean sighed happily. "Yeah, that was pretty great. Want me to massage your thighs? Can't have your muscles getting knotted up when you need to dance later."

Castiel hummed at the thought of his aching muscles being caressed under Dean's loving hand. "Please," he murmured, sitting up a little to kiss Dean again briefly. "I should take a shower thought first. We both should." He manage to sit up enough to shuffle out of bed and to the bathroom, putting the hot water on for a shower. He looked in the mirror and groaned, getting a hand-wipe to scrub off his smudged make-up.

Dean nodded in agreement and moved aside to let Cas get up, and then he stretched and relaxed, sprawling out in the bed and grinning sleepily at Cas. "Alright, I'll be up in a few minutes," he said, yawning. When Cas left the room, Dean closed his eyes again and sighed happily, listening to the sound of the water for a minute before forcing himself up out of bed and into the bathroom. He stood at the sink and brushed his teeth while Cas was in the shower.

Castiel spent a long time scrubbing himself down until he was clean again. He came out of the shower with a content expression. He grabbed a towel and dried himself off before brushing his teeth. He then padded into the next room, looking for the massage oil and made the bed so he could lie on it in a pair of boxers. He spread his legs loosely and started rubbing at his thighs absently, waiting for Dean.

Once Dean was done in the shower he headed back to the bedroom and saw Cas lying ready on the bed in a pair of boxers, skin damp and warm from the shower. Dean smiled at him and pulled on a pair of boxers as well. He walked towards the bed and picked up the massage oil bottle, looking at it curiously. "Okay, let's do this," he said softly, getting on the bed and straddling Castiel's knees lightly so he could work on his thighs with more leverage. "Starting with the front. Is there a certain way you want me to do it?" Dean asked, looking up at Cas questioningly.

Castiel nodded, pushing Dean away and guided him to sit behind him with his chest pressed against his back and his legs spread and slotted against Castiel's. "This is more relaxing..and fun," he smiled, leaning back into Dean as he guided Dean's hands to rub experimentally over his thighs. He hummed and closed his eyes, his hands moving to rest over Dean's legs and let the other get to work.

Dean grinned into Castiel's hair. "For you, maybe," he muttered, "I can hardly see what I'm doing." Dean craned his neck around to rest his chin on Castiel's shoulder and shifted them slightly so he could start with the front of Castiel's thighs. He pulled the hem of Castiel's boxers up more so he could see better and grinned at the tattoos. "Babe, those look amazing," he said, pressing a kiss to Castiel's cheek and then starting to search for tight spots with his thumb. "Tell me if it hurts too much, I don't wanna give you bruises."

Castiel blushed deeply when Dean noticed his tattoos properly for what might have been the first time. "Yeah, thanks. I'm glad you like them." He leaned into Dean's touch, lifting his leg up enough so he could see his thigh properly. "Mmm, no it feels good. You won't bruise me, don't worry about it." He ran his hands absently up and down Dean's thigh, stroking the warm, exposed skin.

Dean shivered slightly when Cas stroked his hands up and down his legs, and he pressed another kiss to Castiel's neck. He found a hard knot in Castiel's muscle and gritted his teeth. "I'm gonna have to push a little harder and it might hurt, baby. Sorry." Dean pressed the pad of his thumb into Castiel's leg and hooked his under leg underneath Castiel's knee to keep the leg in place as he massaged the knot out. "Sorry," he murmured.

Castiel pushed his head back against Dean's shoulder and groaned. "God," he breathed through gritted teeth as Dean worked out the knot. "Just keep going," he said before Dean could stop. He knew Dean. He knew he wouldn't want to hurt him but if Castiel was to dance tonight he'd have to get his legs back in shape. Maybe he shouldn't have stretched his legs so much during sex. They'd really gone for it and now he was paying the price.

"Shit, I'm sorry, babe," Dean said softly, relaxing his hand and rubbing soothingly over the sore spot. He pressed down a little and the knot was already fading and softening. "I think that was the worst one, you've just got a lot of little ones all down the side of your thigh and probably even more on the back of your legs," he said apologetically. "I'll get you some ice after this." Dean put a little more massage oil on his fingers and kneaded rhythmically to loosen and warm up the muscles. "You doin' okay?"

Castiel smiled, shaking his head a little. "It's okay," he whispered, closing his eyes and just focused on the feeling of Dean's skin beneath his fingertips. "Babe, you should shave," he murmured casually. "You should try having smooth legs. It feels fantastic. I could do it for you if you want?" he offered as Dean continued to massage his legs.

Dean gave Castiel a strange look and laughed. "Seriously? Just because you shave now doesn't mean I have to. I'm still not used to you having shaved legs, it kind of feels like I'm in bed with a woman," he teased, gently rubbing his hands over Castiel's muscled legs, smooth with the oil, and pressed the pad of his thumb down again slightly as he slid his hand along Castiel's thigh, feeling for the knot again and making sure it was going away. "Thanks, but I think I'll pass on the shaving for now."

Castiel chuckled, running his hand over Dean's leg. "S'okay. I like you with hairy legs. Makes you a man's man," he teased, putting on a rough deep voice. He chuckled again, leaning back against Dean and sighed. "Although I draw the line at facial hair. As soon as puberty kicks in for you, you're shaving," Castiel grinned, tipping his head back to look up and Dean's baby smooth face and laughed.

Dean rolled his eyes affectionately. "I've been shaving for like a year, idiot. You just don't notice because I do such a damn good job." He rubbed his jaw against Castiel's cheek teasingly. "Nothing wrong with a little stubble burn anyway," he said smugly. "But I think you're hot with a little stubble, Cas. Just a little five-o-clock shadow looks good on you. And so does that hickey I left on you," he added proudly.

Castiel grinned and tilted his head to lean against Dean. "Mm," he agreed with a hum. "As long as you don't leave them anywhere else. My customers will get too jealous. Not a lot of good in that when you're not there to gloat about it." He sighed contently, resting his hands over Dean's as he massaged his legs, keeping them close together.

Dean huffed softly into Castiel's hair. "Looks hot on you," he protested, "And besides, it lets everyone know that you're taken. Also they can picture you making out with your sexy hunk of a boyfriend." Dean patted Castiel's leg gently and moved out from behind him. "Turn over on your front," He instructed, "I wanna check out your hamstrings, make sure they're not completely fucked up after last night."

Castiel chuckled and kissed Dean as he moved to sit out on his front. He got comfortable and settled back down against the bed and sighed as Dean worked his hands over his legs. "Babe, maybe you should do this for a living," he suggested lightly. "Feels fantastic," he murmured happily, pressing his face into the pillow, closing his eyes.

Dean moved down Castiel's body so he was straddling his lower legs, and he placed his hands on Castiel's back and slid them down over the curve of his ass and then moved both hands to the top of his left thigh to begin gently massaging the muscle with a careful yet firm touch. "Hmm, I don't know," Dean said, smirking a little. "Are you sure you wouldn't get jealous if I was touching other people like this all day?"

Castiel scoffed a little. "Well for one, I think it's unprofessional to sit on your client," he said with a little grin. "Secondly it's like me and my dancing, babe. We know it's just a job. We're the only ones that get to see each other like this. Y'know?" He sighed once Dean started massaging his legs. "Besides, I think you've got a bit of a gift for this stuff. You should try it out. Maybe work at one of those beauty salons in town or something?"

"What can I say, I've got magic fingers," Dean said with a shrug and a little smirk as he smoothed his oiled hands down Castiel's legs and began kneading out some knots in the muscle. "It's an idea, but I'm not sure I'd enjoy it as much as I'm enjoying this. I fucking love touching you, Cas. Not the same for other people. I don't know, it's a possibility."

Castiel chuckled a little. "I can see that." He gave a small shrug, looking over his shoulder at Dean. "It was just an idea. I'm not saying you should. It's just another open door if you find getting work difficult. It's nice to know all your options, y'know?" He pushed Dean away once he was done with his legs and kissed him in thanks. "Okay. I've got to go check on the kittens. A couple of the girls said they were considering buying one off us. We need to make sure they stay healthy until they're old enough to be away from their mother."

Dean nodded in agreement and smiled gratefully at Cas as he got up. "I'll join you in a minute," he said, his face lighting up at the mention of the kittens. He loved the little kittens more than he was willing to admit, and often spent evenings with them piled on his lap, falling asleep on the couch while he waited for Cas to get home some nights, and he enjoyed playing with them a lot. He headed into the bathroom to wash the massage oil off his hands and then joined Cas to see the kittens, which were currently residing in Jimmy's room with Amber.

Castiel went into Jimmy's room, knocking on the door softly. "Jimmy?" he asked softly, opening the door. Jimmy didn't answer, still being asleep. Castiel smiled softly, seeing his brother's cheek smushed against the pillow. He looked like he was drooling in his sleep and Castiel had to ignore the smirk that threatened to creep up on his face. He tiptoed inside and crouched by the small bundle of kittens curled up with their mom. Amber was awake and watching Castiel with sleepy, trusting eyes. "Hey girl," he murmured quietly, reaching out slowly to stroke under her chin and behind her ear. "You doin' okay?" he whispered with a soft smile. "Keepin' your young good and healthy for us? Such a good mom, Ambs. I'm proud of you."

Dean padded into Jimmy's room and took a seat beside Cas on the floor, moving slowly and quietly so he wouldn't startle the sleeping cats. He smiled softly and watched Cas gently stroked Amber. "That one kinda looks like you," Dean said in amusement, pointing to the little black and grey kitten with blue eyes. "Are we gonna name them?" He wondered.

Castiel rolled his eyes affectionally. "Yeah? Well maybe we'll keep that one." He looked over the sleeping kittens and shrugged. "I don't know. I don't want to get attached to them if we've gotta get rid of them." He leaned against Dean and sighed, standing up to pad out of the room before they woke up Jimmy.

Dean nodded in understanding and watched Cas leave the room. Dean hesitated a moment by the kittens and stroked their tiny faces gently before standing and following Cas out if the room, closing the door behind him. "You think we woke Jimmy up last night?" Dean asked with a sheepish grin, looking up at Cas through his lashes.

Castiel snorted a little, shaking his head. "He doesn't sleep past 8:30," he said with a serious face. "He must have heard us. We must have kept him up for him to still be asleep." He laughed a little at Dean before pressing a soft kiss to his cheek and moved into the bathroom to shave and get ready for the day.

Dean groaned and laughed in amusement. "Well, it was worth it when I made you scream like that," he teased affectionately. "I wish I were that flexible, you really looked like you were enjoying yourself." Dean patted Castiel's ass and walked past him to the bedroom to put some clothes on.

Castiel groaned in embarrassment but smiled nonetheless, picking up his shaver and started smoothing his skin of any stubble. He did his legs too and rinsed off the shaving foam. He brushed his teeth and admired himself in the mirror, leaving his hair natural and sex tussled before walking back into the bedroom to dress.

"I think I'm gonna go to the garage today and see about getting more shifts this summer," Dean told Cas, "And maybe I'll look around town for other ways to earn some cash. Maybe that nice new restaurant in town, waiting tables?" Dean pulled on a shirt and shrugged casually.

Castiel smiled and nodded his head. "That sounds great, babe. Just...just don't over do it, okay? We can manage just fine if you just wanna work at the garage. Don't run yourself into the ground over this, okay?" He kissed Dean's cheek and shrugged on a shirt and a pair of pants. "I gotta go to work. Ellen wanted to go over my routine from last night. Give me some tips and stuff to improve on. Need a lift into town?"

Dean nodded and smiled softly at Cas. "Yeah, that'd be great, just drop me off at the garage on the way to the club, I'll probably just spend the day in town anyway even if I don't get a shift today." He slipped on some shoes and headed downstairs with Cas. "Nice day, wanna take the motorcycle?" He asked with a grin.

Castiel nodded, grabbing his keys and wallet. "You can come to the club..if you want," he offered softly. "Come watch me dance? I'm sure Ellen wouldn't mind. The girls would really like to meet you too." He smiled softly, heading downstairs. "Although I'll understand if you're not comfortable with that."

Dean hesitated a moment and then nodded slowly. "Yeah, I can do that," He said, looking at Cas shyly. "I just... are you sure I'm welcome there? I don't want to get you in trouble or be a distraction or anything," he shrugged uncertainly and shuffled on his feet. "Do you want me to go with you now before the club opens or should I go tonight?" Dean was a little hesitant with seeing Cas perform in front of a crowd, because it still just felt strange to him.

"I can come introduce you when we go down there if you want?" he said with a small smile. "The girls are interested to know who my mystery man is," he winked and squeezed Dean's hand. "You don't have to stay for the show if you don't want to. But if you do, I'll be sure to leave you alone if you're not up for seeing me like..you know..professionally?"

Dean smiled sheepishly and shrugged again. "Yeah, that sounds good. I guess... I guess I'll just see how it goes," he said. It wasn't really a huge deal if Dean stayed for the show or not, he just thought it might be a bit awkward but what was the harm in going?

Castiel nodded, smiling softly at Dean. He kissed him slowly, just holding him close for a moment before having to get on the bike. "I love you," he whispered tenderly. "If it gets too much. Just say, okay? We don't have to do this if you're not comfortable with it." he stroked down Dean's side gently before moving away to get on the bike, putting his helmet on.

Dean kissed Castiel back and stood gratefully in the familiar warmth of his body, relaxing just by being near him. "Love you too," he mumbled, stealing another little kiss. "I'll be okay, babe. You just get out there and do your thing, I won't cause any trouble. Promise." Dean backed away and smiled reassuringly at Cas, putting on his helmet and then waiting for Cas to sit down on the motorcycle so Dean could get on behind him.

Castiel smiled, turning on the engine and rode them off and into town. He parked his bike out back and was surprised to see Benny milling around, smoking. "Hey, Benny," Castiel smiled, holding Dean's hand to tell him he'd be coming inside, even if it was for ten minutes before practise started. "This is my fiancé. Is it okay if he comes inside for a few minutes? Meets the girls?"

Dean took Castiel's hand and walked with him to the back door of the Sinner's Paradise. There was a ruggedly-built man in a biker hat standing by the wall with a lit cigarette between his lips, and he smiled at Castiel when they approached. The bouncer, Benny. Dean tried to look friendly and harmless, standing close to Cas and still holding his hand as Benny looked him up and down and then smiled at him a moment later. "Dean, is it?" he said in a pleasantly rough Southern drawl, "Hot Wings here won't shut up about you." Dean blushed and elbowed Cas a little, looking up at Benny with a shrug. "Hope I don't disappoint, then." He said sheepishly, and Benny laughed and led them to the door, unlocking it and letting them in.

Castiel grinned and blushed a little as Dean elbowed him playfully. "Thanks, Benny," Castiel said with a smile, leading Dean inside. He was still wearing his engagement ring which he'd have to take off soon but with Dean around, he wanted to show off, in every way possible. "Hey girls!" Castiel called out happily, seeing his newly-found family chatting amongst themselves. "Get your butts over here and come meet my dream hunk, Dean," he announced proudly, grinning at Dean.

Dean followed Cas into the building, which was surprisingly quiet and empty save for several attractive girls in sports bras and tight athletic shorts, hair tied back in ponytails. They were lounging around the empty tables near the stage sipping from tall glasses of ice water and talking to each other. There were also two young men among them, also drinking water and wearing athletic clothing, and Dean assumed those were the dancers. There was an older woman putting away glasses behind the bar counter, probably the owner and Castiel's boss. Ellen. Dean was looking around, taking it all in, when Cas announced their presence and immediately all eyes were on Dean, and the dancers made their way over to greet them. Dean blushed slightly and grinned, suddenly surrounded by hot girls, and he rolled his eyes at Cas. "Dream hunk?" He repeated, amused.

"Damn, you're even hotter in person," said a fiercely beautiful young woman with dark hair and a petite, athletic build. She looked him up and down with a smirk and then walked over to Cas to drape an arm over his shoulder. "I'm Cherie May, but you can call me Baby." Dean laughed a little and shook his head, looking down at his feet shyly before glancing back up at her. "Sorry, the only person I call 'baby' is this guy," he said smoothly, holding up his and Castiel's linked hands, grinning at Cherie May. She laughed and playfully poked Dean in the chest. "You're cute. I like him, Angel-face." the last part was directed at Cas, and Dean grinned at him. "Angel-face," he repeated quietly in amusement, bumping him with his shoulder. "Well, I guess I should introduce everyone," Cherie was saying, "Dean, this is Candi, Jade, Chastity, Katie, Desdemona, Justin, and Chase. Good luck remembering all those names, honey."

Castiel gave an innocent look, shrugging lightly. Then Cherie came over and introduced herself. Castiel let her lean against him slightly and grinned up at her before blushing when she used one of his nicknames. "Yeah, well just keep your hands where I can see 'em, sweetheart," Castiel teased, smirking up at her before moving away to come closer to Dean, squeezing his hand briefly. "And over here is the wonderful, beautiful and intelligent..Ellen," Castiel grinned, leaning against the bar as he batted his eyelids at his boss. "Ellen this is my other half, Dean."

Ellen narrowed her eyes at Cas and finished putting the martini glasses back on the rack. "That's an awful lot of nice words, Angel. Are you trying to live up to that nickname or do you want somethin' from me? Quit it with those eyes of yours, you little sneak." She walked around the bar and smiled at Dean. "Well, ain't he a looker!" She said, holding out her hand for Dean to shake. Dean smiled nervously and shook her hand, blushing. He didn't know what to say to her, but luckily she kept talking. "It's nice to finally meet you, Baby Bird here won't shut up about you." Dean blushed deeper and smirked at Cas a little, playing with his fingers. "It's nice to meet you too," he said politely, "I've heard a lot about you." Ellen rose an eyebrow. "Mostly good, I hope?" Dean grinned and nodded.

Castiel rolled his eyes as Ellen told him off for being nice. He grinned, squeezing Dean's hand a little as Ellen came over to greet herself properly. "Always good, Ellen," he smirked, looking up at Dean with an adoring expression. "Okay, babe. You gonna stay or come back later? I should probably get to work before Ellen beats my ass," he said with a small cheeky grin.

Dean grinned at the little interaction between Castiel and his boss and he was glad that Cas had found a place where he felt comfortable and safe among people who he'd befriended. "I guess I can hang out for a little while, if that's alright?" He looked at Ellen questioningly and received a nod in response. "Absolutely, Dean," she said, "And yes, our little angel does need to get to work or I will whip his ass," She took the bar towel off her shoulder and whipped it at Castiel before walking back to the bar. Dean looked at Cas with a small smile and kissed him on the cheek, causing the girls to awwwww at them from the stage.

Castiel grinned, blushing a little as the girls cooed and made him feel like they were back in high school again. He wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and kissed him properly. "Shit," he whispered, pulling back. "Keep this safe for me, would ya?" he asked, slipping his ring off and put it on Dean's right hand where it'd fit on his thumb. He gestured for where Dean should sit before running up and onto stage to go backstage to quickly dress into his work out gear. It took two minutes before he was running back out on stage grinning idiotically. "Okay, ladies. Who's up for a little fun, huh?"

Dean grinned into the kiss and tangled his hands in Castiel's hair to mess it up, and then he let Cas put the ring on his thumb. He took a seat at a table off to the side as Cas headed backstage and emerged a few minutes later wearing a sleeveless top and baggy shorts, and he was barefoot. Dean couldn't help but smile widely at the way Cas seemed to really being enjoying himself, and Dean was happy for him.

Candi went over to the radio and turned it on as background music while the dancers all stretched and warmed up. She headed back over to sit by Chastity and stretch her legs. Sitting beside her, Candi noticed a bruise on the petite blonde's knee, and she winced in sympathy. "Babe, what happened?" Chastity looked up at her, wide eyed for a moment, and then shrugged. "I mopped the floor in my kitchen and slipped in a puddle."

Castiel watched the interaction closely but didn't press or ask himself what had happened. He didn't want to pressure her in front of everyone but Castiel knew you didn't get a bruise like that from falling over. If she did she must have been practically running around her kitchen like a small toddler. For now, he concentrated on warming up.

He got into the beat of the music and grinned, swaying his hips. "My baby, he don't talk sweet. He ain't got much to say. But he loves me, loves me, loves me. I know that he loves me anyways," Castiel sang loudly, closing his eyes, just getting into the music. He wasn't sure whether they knew he could sing but right now, he was Raven. And he couldn't give two shits.

Candi raised an eyebrow at Chastity, but the other girl's face gave nothing away and Candi sighed, looking away and reaching for her toes. Chastity had always been the quieter one out of all of them and they all knew she wasn't really as clumsy as she claimed to be, but Chastity had made it perfectly clear that there was nothing she wanted to talk about. Luckily, they were both distracted by Raven singing along to the music, and Candi grinned. "Is there anything this kid can't do?"

"Let's hear it for the boy. Let's give the boy a hand. Let's hear it for my baby. You know you gotta understand," Castiel continued to sing, grinning happily. "Woo!" He was jumping around the place now. Dancing and twirling as he got the others to join in a bit more enthusiastically, grinning when they did so.

Dean watched in amusement as Castiel bounced around energetically, grinning widely and singing along as he basically turned into a cheerleader and got the other dancers moving around and warming up. It lasted a few minutes before Cherie headed over to the stereo and plugged in her iPod. "Alright, boys. Raven, Justin, and Chase, we're gonna do your routine first because it looks like Baby Bird here needs to burn off some energy," she said, authoritative yet affectionate, and Dean guessed she was the leader or something. "Justin, you're up front for this one with Chase and Raven backing you up on either side. The costumes are gonna be sailors, so white pants, blue neckties, white hats. I'll run you through the choreography. Song is Adam Lambert's Beg for Mercy."

Castiel blushed dipping his head down a little. "Sorry," he mumbled softly, getting into position. "Oh thank God," he sighed happily. "No offence but if we had to dance to anything by the village people I would have shot myself." He grinned at Justin and Chase. They were nice enough and totally straight so it made him feel a bit more comfortable being around them. Not that there was anything wrong with them being gay. Castiel just wasn't very good with being around the stereotypical flamboyant guys that Dean and himself sometimes met when they went out to clubs. It was just an energy Castiel didn't really know how to deal with seeing as he was usually shy when he first met people.

Cherie began walking them through the choreography, which was pretty loosely structured and mostly depended on the way they moved. Justin was the main focus for this dance, and he would be the one in front while Raven and Chase were more background dancers than leads, but they still got a lot of stage presence.

Dean watched curiously as they danced, and his eyes widened in amazement as they ran through some moves on the poles. Dean had never seen Cas pole dance before and it was pretty impressive. They weren't actually stripping at the moment, but as the song progressed Cherie was shouting out cues and the guys mimicked removing various items of clothing and went through more moves. Most of it just looked like they were flexing their muscles and rolling their bodies or thrusting in the air, but it was pretty hot nonetheless. Chase and Justin were both tall and muscular and Cas was a bit smaller than both of them.

Castiel went through the routine with them and it was pretty simple and easy to do. Castiel grinned, seeing Dean watching them and gave him a subtle wink when he was watching him in particular. By the time they'd finished running through, Castiel was warmed up and sweating a little. "Good job, guys. You're makin' me look bad," he teased lightly, patting their arms lightly.

Dean grinned at Cas when he winked at him, and they continued going through the moves with Cherie leading them through it. Ellen came over to Dean's table holding a tall glass of coke, and she set it down in front of him. "Better cool down, kiddo. It ain't even opening time yet. He's good, isn't he?" Dean smiled at her and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, he's good," he agreed quietly, a soft smile on his face as he sipped his coke.

Justin stretched his arms out and rolled his shoulders, grinning at Raven and shoving him playfully in the chest before slapping his ass casually. "Nice form, new kid," he complimented, accepting a water bottle from Chase and handing it to Cas after he took a sip.

Dean watched carefully as Justin, the tall guy with close-cropped brown hair, touched Castiel's ass. Dean couldn't hear what they were saying but he forced himself not to get jealous and be ridiculous.

Castiel chuckled, taking the bottle of water and took a sip. "Thanks," he said with a grin. "I just hope I can keep up with you guys. Tonight." He handed the water bottle to Chase and grinned, patting his arm. Castiel came off stage and sauntered over to Ellen and Dean. "Hey boss," he smirked at Ellen, stealing some of Dean's coke.

Dean smiled as Cas approached and grabbed the front of his shirt to pull him down for a kiss. "That was pretty amazing, babe," he said, grinning up at Cas. Ellen tousled Castiel's hair as she walked by. "Could be better," she said gruffly, "Respect your elders, Baby Bird. Get back up there and run through it again." Dean thought Ellen was like a coach, not a polite, kind woman but more begrudgingly affectionate, and he liked her.

Castiel smiled as Dean kissed him and saluted to Ellen. "Yes Ma'am." He set the glass back down and ran back up onto stage to run through the routine again with Justin and Chase. This time he gave it his all, giving the sexy bedroom eyes and pouty lips as if there was an audience in front of him.

Dean sat back and relaxed as Cas went back up on stage and danced again, and Dean couldn't take his eyes off him. Cas looked incredibly sexy and confident and Dean was mesmerized. Dean was startled when someone came up beside him, and he recognized Chastity, the little blonde. "Hey," she greeted him quietly, sitting down beside him and smiling widely. "You obviously have never met me but I'm the one Cas saw when he was here on that business outing. Chastity."

Castiel finished the routine again and Cherie helped them where they needed improvement, giving them tips on how they could improve. Castiel was sweating slightly, he looked over Dean's way and saw him talking with Chastity and smiled sadly. It was odd to think, if it wasn't for him Dean would still be chasing girls tails, chatting them up and trying to get in their pants. He couldn't look at him any longer. Didn't feel like dancing either. He needed a moment. "I need some air," he said softly to Justin before going out back to see if Benny had any smokes.

Dean spoke with Chastity for several more minutes until she had to go practice her own routine, and Dean finished his coke and looked around for Cas. He was nowhere to be seen but Dean didn't want to go searching for him, not wanting to intrude in this place that he'd never been in before.

Benny was sitting on the back step, finishing up his second cigarette when Raven came out of the building and sat beside him. "Shouldn't you be practicin'?" He said, turning to the bright-eyed youth and offering him a cigarette with a soft smile. "Why the long face, Hot Wings? They work you too hard or somethin'?"

Castiel took a cigarette and sighed, leaning forward to let Benny light it. He let out a long exhale, watching the smoke for a moment before answering. "Somethin' like that," he whispered, taking another drag. "My boy Dean. He, he's straight. I'm his exception. Seeing him be here reminds me what he'd be like if it wasn't for me."

Benny watched Raven and then gave his shoulder a sympathetic squeeze. "Well, you must mean a lot to him if you're the one person he went gay for, son," he said. "He's a good-lookin' kid and he could probably have any girl he wanted but he wants you, that's somethin' special. Because it ain't easy for a straight boy to just give up girls like that, and I saw the way he was looking at you. He loves ya, Raven."

Castiel smiled proudly, nodding a little. "I know," he smiled a little, taking another drag, letting the smoke circle them. "I know, Benny. I know," he nodded, smiling a little. "It's just..hard. To see him like that again. Just a reminder of what a jerk he used to be." He took another drag of his cigarette and tried not to let it get him down as much. "He used to bully me, Benny. I..I'm sorry. You don't have to listen about my problems. Just tell me to shut up and get back to work."

Benny tilted his head and squinted at Raven curiously. "Come on, don't be all mysterious, now I kinda wanna know about you." Benny sucked in another inhalation of smoke and let it out slowly. "I've only known you for a little bit but I can tell you're a good kid, but I ain't stupid; I know somethin' happened to you, somethin' bad." He looked over at Raven and shrugged. "You don't have to tell me anythin', just know that if you ever need to talk I'll be here, Hot Wings. I don't have anyone left in this world but myself, and I'm happy to listen to whatever you wanna say."

Castiel looked over at Benny and smiled softly, almost sadly. He didn't like thinking about Benny being alone. He was sweet and gentle and deserved to have someone to love. Anyone would be lucky to have him. "It's..it's a long story, Benny. I won't bore you with it," he said politely, smiling a little. "I just..Dean has always been there for me. Well, after he got to know me instead of just throwing punches. I just think it's all a dream sometimes, y'know? That one day my problems are gonna be too much for him and he'll just get up and go. I'm..I'm afraid he'll tire of a broken sack of crap like me."

Benny smiled sadly and shrugged again, looking out at the street and taking another drag before stubbing out his cigarette on the ground. "Yeah, I know what you mean," he said distantly, pausing for a moment as he reflected on his past. He didn't know what shadows haunted Raven's past, but Benny was intrigued and mystified by this kid who couldn't be older than twenty and already had that look in his eyes, like he'd seen the darkest corners of the earth. "Whatever it is, I'm sure Dean won't leave you, buddy. He looks damn committed to you."

Castiel took the last drag on his cigarette before following Benny's lead and stubbing the end out on the ground. "Thanks, Benny," he said softly, holding his hand out for the bouncer to shake. "I'll see you later," he said with a soft, sad smile and went back inside with a shaky exhale as the door closed behind him. He put a smile back on and headed back out into the main area.

Benny grasped Raven's hand and nodded reassuringly at him, giving him a little smile. Benny spent another few minutes outside and then headed in to grab a quick drink from Ellen before his shift started.

Dean was sitting with Jade and Desdemona while the others danced, and he was getting to know them a little better. They were talking about tattoos, and Desdemona was tugging down the side of her shorts to show a butterfly tattoo right below her hip bone right as Castiel walked in. Dean saw him and grinned, waving. "Hey, you okay? Couldn't find you for a minute."

Castiel swallowed thickly, seeing Dee so close to Dean and being her usual flirty, friendly self. It made him a little uneasy. But that wasn't her fault. He had a lot of his own stuff to deal with. Castiel gave Dean a small smile and walked over to them. "Hey. Yeah, I..I just went outside to smoke with Benny. Get some air," he said quickly, sounding almost breathless with the amount of nerves pooling in the pit of his stomach. "You doing okay?" he asked Dean with what he hoped was a smile.

Dean frowned in confusion and exchanged a subtle look with Desdemona, who gave him a confused look back and shrugged slightly. "Yeah... I'm good," he murmured uncertainly, looking at Cas and then standing up to wrap an arm around his waist and casually lead him away, over by the bar. The girls wandered over to the stage again, talking amongst themselves. Ellen had gone to the back to do some inventory work, and Dean sat Cas down at the bar and looked at him hard, because he didn't like the look on Castiel's face. Dean's first thought was Benny. Dean didn't know him, but Cas seemed to trust him and he'd just been outside alone with him for about ten minutes, and Dean was beginning to suspect that the guy had done or said something to make Castiel look like this. "Cas, what's going on? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Castiel let Dean move him over to the bar, away from the noise. Benny was nowhere to be seen. He'd probably gone back outside again and Ellen was out back somewhere leaving them completely alone. "I'm..I'm fine, Dean," he said softly with a small smile. "It's just..seeing you with beautiful women..how easy it is for you to..fall back into your old self.." Castiel had to pause, shaking his head. "I know. I know you'd never cheat on me like that. It's just..it brings up memories..of what you used to be. It's frightening. To see how much of an asshole you used to be."

Dean licked his lips awkwardly and stared unhappily at Cas. "Gee, thanks," he muttered, "That's exactly what I want to hear, you really know how to make a guy happy." Dean looked down and sighed heavily. "Sorry," he said, shaking his head. "Yeah, I'm a dick but I'm not gonna flirt with the hot girls and nothing is gonna happen, alright?" He held up his hand, showing Castiel the ring. "See this? I haven't taken it off in ages. I don't even think it can fit over my knuckle anymore, but I don't know because I haven't tried. I'm not going anywhere."

Castiel winced, shaking his head. "Dean," he said softly, bowing his head in shame. Dean was holding up his ring with pride and a little anger and Castiel felt like a dick. "I'm sorry," he whispered softly. "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant..." he looked up at Dean and smiled sadly. "I'm just lucky to have you for who you are now. Just seeing that past you, it made me realize how close we were to never being. And I'd do anything to keep you from going back to someone you're not."

Dean sighed and grabbed Castiel's hand, holding it gently and stepping a little closer to him to rest their foreheads together. "Cas, it's alright," he murmured, "But if I wasn't such a douche bag we never would've met, right?" He wrapped one arm around Castiel's shoulders and hugged him tight. "Isn't it weird to think about, though? The day I met you, if I could've seen you right now, I wouldn't even recognize you."

Castiel felt himself sag against Dean as strong arms wrapped around him. "Would have been hard to without the bruises," he mumbled against Dean's neck as he let his forehead press against Dean's shoulder. His arms feeling heavy and useless, unable to reciprocate the hug. He just let himself be held. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring this all up. It just..it came flooding back seeing you with beautiful women on your arms." He shook his head, moving away. "I'm scared, Dean. What if that happens again? What if you fall for someone else?"

Dean pulled back a little and looked around the room to make sure nobody was close enough to hear them. The girls were pretending not to be looking at them, but they were whispering and smiling knowingly, and Dean looked back at Cas. "Cas, I want to be honest with you," he began, looking him straight in the eye. "I don't understand my own sexuality. You're the only guy I've ever been attracted to, but I still find girls hot. I've always liked girls, but then you came along and I liked you more. I don't know why, but remember, we talked about this a long time ago, and I think it's just you, Cas. I fell in love with your heart and soul first, but I didn't realize it until I started being physically attracted to you." Dean cupped Castiel's face gently with both hands, studying his features. "You already know how much I love you, Cas. And yeah, there was the whole thing with Lisa, but I felt dirty when I was with her. It didn't feel right because she wasn't you. I thought I wanted her but I was wrong."

Castiel swallowed thickly. "I understand that Dean but..what if I'm not enough for you. What if..what if you find someone else that you love for their soul. I..I'm just scared of losing you, Dean." He placed his hands over Dean's and bit his lip nervously. "I don't want that to happen. I don't want you to lose interest in me. I want us to have a family, with kids that don't have to grow up the way we did, in broken homes. I..I just want something to reassure me that we're not gonna lose each other again."

Dean sighed sadly and rubbed his hands up and down Castiel's arms in a comforting gesture, and then took both of his hands. "Baby, that's not going to happen. Come on, we've been through this before. I know you better than anyone, do you really think I'd just dump you and move on to someone else? You're not gonna lose me, I promise. And you're more than I can handle most of the time, but I'm happy, Cas. I'm happy and I love you."

Castiel finally met Dean's eyes properly. His own baby blues lighting up at Dean's words. "You're..you're happy?" he asked quietly. Dean had said only a few months ago he wasn't happy with him. Had the fixed the problem now? They were finally happy? "I-I love you too," he whispered, smiling a little more as he squeezed Dean's hands a little and laced them together properly.

"Yeah, I'm happy," Dean breathed, smiling widely and squeezing Castiel's hands tighter. "Seeing you like this, all bright and energetic and doing what you love, making friends and enjoying yourself, it makes me really happy. Makes me happy to see you happy." Dean shifted forward a little, leaning in to kiss Castiel's lips while both of their hands were still linked together.

Castiel grinned against Dean's lips. Over the moon to hear Dean was happy to be around him. Not disgusted by the sight of him after all this time but actually happy. He kissed back enthusiastically. Not caring who was watching. His hands laced tight with Dean's as he kissed him back passionately, expressing what words could not say.

Dean hummed in surprise as Castiel kissed him back deeply and passionately, and their fingers tangled together while their chests brushed. After a long moment, someone cleared their throat pointedly and Dean pulled back, blushing and smiling sheepishly. Cherie walked over, smirking with her arms crossed. "I know this is a strip club, but let's keep it PG, alright boys?" She said. Jade and Candi whined in protest from the stage. "Aw, but they're so adorable and they look really hot together," Dean laughed embarrassedly. "We're not pornstars for you to stare at," he said back to her, and then turned to Cas with a playful wink. "Yet," he added jokingly.

Castiel blushed when he realized everyone was watching them and hid his face in Dean's neck. "Stop it," he said with a small chuckle, pressing a small kiss to the skin there before moving away. "Sorry, Cherie," he said with a sheepish smile. "What can I say? I love my fiancé too much not to kiss him every chance I get." He smiled at Dean and kissed his hand, holding it in his.

Dean smiled and cradled the back of Castiel's head gently, tangling his fingers in his hair as he looked up at Cherie timidly. "Aw, you're such a sweetie," Dean teased, poking Castiel in the side and shoving him playfully. Cherie laughed at them. "When are you guys getting married?" She asked, and Dean looked back at Castiel thoughtfully. "This winter, hopefully," he said.

Castiel looked at Dean and nodded in confirmation. "Yeah. Most definitely," he said softly, looking over at Cherie with a small smile before turning back to Dean. "Although, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about," he said quietly to Dean. "About who comes to the wedding. I want it to be you me and Sam."

Cherie seemed to take a cue from Castiel's hushed tones and the personal topic of the wedding, and she retreated back to the group. Dean looked at Cas curiuosly. "What, you mean you just want Sam to be there? Nobody else?" Dean tilted his head in confusion; that didn't sound like much of a celebration but if it was what Cas wanted then Dean would make it work.


	60. Chapter 60

Castiel nodded. "We can have a party with our friends in town or back at the house after," he added quietly. "But I don't want to pay for a wedding where people are partially there just for the food or to have an excuse to wear their new party dress, Dean," he said with a saddened expression. "I want to be surrounded by people that want to be there and have been for us through out. Not just when it's convenient..and honestly, Sam's the only person I can think of who fits the bill."

Dean was going to say Jimmy, since he was the closest family Castiel had, but Jimmy hadn't even been there for him. He'd escaped his life and played dead to avoid associating with the people from his past, even when Cas needed him the most. Dean sighed sadly and nodded. Sam had always been there for them, and Dean knew it would be a small, simple yet meaningful wedding for them, and he was happy with it. "Then that's all we need," Dean said reassuringly.

Castiel didn't say anything else. He just curled his arms around Dean's middle and held him tightly, tucking his head to hide against the warmth of Dean's neck. He loved Dean. How he could be so accepting of his thoughts and needs. Dean might have wanted a big fancy wedding with all their friends but he was willing to give that up to make Castiel happy. He let his lips linger against Dean's cheek for a moment before pulling away with a warm, thankful smile.

Dean smiled when Castiel kissed him gently on the cheek, and then he kissed Castiel's lips softly. "Alright, now get up there and shake your moneymaker. I've gotta go talk to my boss and pick up some job applications." Dean smiled at Cas and patted his ass playfully before making a little shooing gesture with his hand and then waving at Ellen before walking outside.

Castiel chuckled as Dean left and Castiel went back to work. That night went smoothly. He'd messed up the sailor routine a little but nothing major. Nothing a little more practise couldn't fix. He'd gone home to Dean that night and slept soundly for the first time in a few weeks. He had the next day off and spent it with Jimmy, tending to the kittens and just trying to fix the bond that had been broken between him and his brother. They wrote to Samandriel but Castiel doubted he'd reply. Not after what Jimmy had done.

Friday came quickly, Castiel's first real experience with the club's busiest night. By the time he came home, he had $250 in his back pocket worth of tips and a sleepy smile on his face. Not to mention the eye make-up. He was sure Dean was upstairs in bed so Castiel took a moment to make himself a sandwich and have a quiet moment to himself before going up to bed. That's where he found Balthazar on the couch, texting with a blanket draped over his slim frame.

"Hey," Castiel said warily, voice quiet in the silence of the house. Balthazar looked up a little and grinned at Castiel. "Rough night?" he drawled. Castiel looked confused before realizing he was still wearing make-up. "Huh? Oh, no. Just..working," he said before adding. "What are you doing here? Where have you been?"

Balthazar gave a small smile and set his phone in his lap. "I went to M's. He's been helping me become a better person. Volunteering, that sort of stuff. Help repay for my sins and so forth." He waved his hand absently at the subject, not wanting to talk about it. "Anyway Michael's in China so I'm back in town to work for Jane. Such a sweetheart, that girl. She got me a job working at her daddy's pharmacy clinic."

Castiel nodded a little, too tired to ask why Michael was in China right now. "Well..that's good you've got a job. So..you're gonna be staying here?" Castiel asked. Balthazar nodded, going back to his phone. "Yes, and don't worry. I'll get used to the whole twin thing again soon enough. It's funny. Never thought Jimmy would be the one to fake his own death. That always seemed like something Gabriel would do." Balthazar spoke with such casual tones that it took Castiel a moment to realize Balthazar probably didn't know about the whole Jimmy thing until coming back today.

"Right. Listen..we can talk about this later..if you want. It's late. I'm too tired to do this right now," Castiel said softly to which Balthazar shooed him away with his hand. "Understood. Rest, Cassie. I'll see you tomorrow," Balthazar said with an almost caring tone. Castiel smiled heading out the room before adding. "It's good to see you again, Balth." Then he headed upstairs, stripped and slid under the covers with Dean. He'd worry about his make-up and everything else tomorrow. Right now, he needed to sleep.

Dean woke up the next morning in Castiel's arms. Cas was still asleep and it was pretty early in the morning, and Dean had slept well. He'd managed to convince his boss at the garage to let him work more, and he'd gotten some job applications from various places around town. He'd fallen asleep before Cas got home and didn't wake up when he came in, and Dean smiled softly and kissed Castiel's cheek. He still had eyeliner on and it had gotten slightly smeared and he looked exhausted, so Dean carefully wiggled out of Castiel's arms without waking him up and then headed downstairs to make some coffee. He walked into the living room while his coffee brewed, and he nearly jumped out of his skin. "Holy shit!" He yelled, heart hammering in his chest as he saw the person lying on the couch. It took him a minute to recognize Balthazar, and Dean ran a hand through his hair in shock. "What the hell are you doing here?" He demanded.

Balthazar had just made himself tea and was laid stretched across the couch, surfing the web on his phone. "Well I was trying to tweet," Balthazar drawled slowly, a smooth smirk stretched across his face as he sat up to look over at Dean. "Hello, Dean. It's been a while," he smiled almost sincerely. Jimmy was sat in the corner of the room, eating his breakfast whilst Balthazar continued to play on his phone. "Jimmy made breakfast for us all. There's some still left keeping warm in the oven if you're interested."

Dean narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Balthazar and then glanced over at Jimmy, who didn't seem to care. Dean didn't trust Balthazar, and he glared at him slightly before turning around and going back into the kitchen to get his coffee and some food. It was too early to have to deal with this, and even though Cas had said Balthazar wasn't as bad if Gabriel wasn't there, Dean still wasn't fond of him.

Castiel moaned softly and rolled across the bed, hoping to find Dean there to snuggle with, but he wasn't. His nose scrunched up as he blinked tiredly awake, looking over at the empty spot on the bed. He groaned as he stretched, sitting up in bed and managed to pad downstairs ten minutes later to find Dean brooding in the kitchen. "Come back to bed," Castiel complained, pouting at Dean as he poured himself a cup of coffee from the pot. "It's cold up there without you. Why are you up so early?"

Dean glanced at Cas stiffly as he entered the room and put his coffee cup down on the counter with a little more force than was necessary. "What's Balthazar doing here?" He demanded, not caring if Balthazar overheard. "Did you know he was coming, and why didn't I know about it? Or did he just decide to show up here out of the blue?" Dean glared in the general direction of the living room. "I don't trust him, Cas. He used to follow Gabriel around and beat the shit out of you. He did that to his own brother, Cas."

Castiel was not ready for that. He'd been having a lazy warm morning. He wasn't expecting this. "Yeah, I saw him last night on the couch when I got in," he shrugged casually, taking a sip of his coffee. "Dean," he said, voice almost warning. "You weren't exactly a saint yourself." He leant back against the counter, setting his cup down gently. "He's changed, Dean. You of all people should understand that. Just give him a chance."

Dean sighed and rubbed his forehead tiredly, glaring unhappily at Cas. "Yeah, I get that. Would you quit reminding me what a total dickbag I am and explain what he's doing here and why?" Dean gulped down his coffee and refilled his mug with stiff movements. He could feel a headache coming on and he rubbed the scar under his hair absently as he blew on the coffee so it wouldn't burn his tongue.

"_Were _a dickbag," Castiel corrected, pressing the palms of his hands lightly against the sides of Dean's face, holding his head gently in his hands. "Babe, look at me," he ordered gently. "He's got a job. He's volunteering with church..he's doing good," Castiel said softly. "It's just until he gets his own place or Michael gets back or whatever. This is home as much as it is mine. There's not much I can do about it."

Dean reluctantly looked up to Castiel's eyes and met his gaze, not that he had much choice when Cas was holding his face like this. He sighed and then pulled away slowly after a moment, walking across the kitchen with his head down and shoulders hunched slightly. He opened the cupboard and pulled a bottle of painkillers out and dry swallowed a couple pills before turning around and picking up his coffee again.

"Dean," Castiel sighed softly, eyes wondering after the other. "This is my mom's house. If he needs a place to stay there's not a lot I can do about it," he said again with a shrug. "Please don't take this out on me. It's Saturday morning. I thought we could have a nice lie in together. Have some time together. I feel like I haven't been with you properly since you left the club a couple days ago."

Dean set his coffee down and looked at it for a moment before turning to Cas and sighing tiredly. "Sorry," he muttered, "He's your brother, I don't know him like you do and I don't really have a say in whether or not he stays here. It's your house." Dean smiled tightly, not wanting them to fight, and he headed upstairs to take a shower and brush his teeth, not wanting to go back to sleep after drinking two cups of coffee.

Castiel sighed, reaching out for Dean but he was already leaving. "Dean," he sighed sadly but Dean was already gone. Balthazar came in, setting his plate to the side and pointed his finger at Castiel. "You've got a little make-up there, Cassie," he said, trying his best to make his tone not sound teasing or mocking. Castiel blinked in confusion, wiping a finger over his eye to see a smudge of black against his fingertip. "Oh." was all Castiel said. "I'm off to work. I'll be back Wednesday. Chris' parents are out of town. He said I could stay with him for a few nights. Hopefully that'll give a bit more time for you to sort things out before I move in." Castiel nodded, smiling gratefully. "Yeah. Maybe you could come over for dinner tomorrow. Help settle things down with Dean?" he asked hopefully. Balthazar nodded obediently and smiled cheekily. "I'd be a pleasure. Until then, brother." Balthazar left, leaving Castiel to pick up the pieces. First on his list, Dean.

Dean showered, brushed his teeth, and got dressed, and then he didn't know what to do with himself. He settled on just going into the bedroom and flopping down on the bed again to listen to music and stare out the window. He didn't know if Balthazar was still there, but Dean really wasn't in the mood to deal with him anymore, so he just stayed in the bedroom.

Castiel ran a hand through his hair and slowly went up the stairs to find Dean lying on their bed. He knocked on the door hesitantly and stood there shyly. "Hey," he said softly. "So..Balth's gone until Wednesday although I invited him over for dinner tomorrow if that's okay. I think it'd be nice if we had dinner together. Try to get to know one another."

Dean turned the volume of his music down a little and looked over at Cas standing in the doorway. "Okay," he said in a quiet voice, nodding and then closing his eyes, resting his forearm over his face lazily. "Does he hate me, Cas?" Dean didn't want to have problems with Castiel's family members because that was the last thing he needed after all his family abandoned him.

Castiel frowned, looking at Dean curiously. "No, Dean. Why would he hate you?" He sat down on the edge of the bed, letting his fingertips trace over Dean's ankle absently. "The past is the past," he shrugged. "He's trying to move on and be a better person. I doubt he'd hold a grudge. He just wants to be a family again. That includes you, he knows that. "

Dean moved his arm to rest under the back of his head and he looked over at Cas, watching as gentle fingers trailed over his ankle. "I know this makes me sound like a hypocrite but I just don't trust him, Cas. I don't know him very well and what I do know of him I don't like." In Dean's opinion, Balthazar was a spineless, weak coward who looked up to Gabriel and Lucifer and would do anything they asked.

Castiel nodded slightly. "I understand," he said softly. "I don't really either," he admitted with a long sigh. "I just..with Gabriel gone. There's a part of me that still has faith in him. That he can become that good person. I'm just asking to give him a chance, that's all. Nothing permanent." He squeezed Dean's ankle slightly and smiled sadly up at Dean.

Dean looked at Cas for a moment and then sighed, nodding in defeat. He couldn't just tell Castiel's brother to leave, Dean didn't have that right. And the considerate thing to do would at least give him a chance. Dean didn't have to befriend Balthazar, and he wasn't planning on it, but he didn't have much choice in this situation. "I'll tolerate him," he muttered, closing his eyes again and saying nothing more.

Castiel smiled softly, crawling up the bed and planted a soft kiss to Dean's cheek. "Thank you," he said sincerely. "I know this is hard for you and I appreciate you trying to make things right between us all." He rubbed Dean's arm for a moment before sitting up on the bed with a gap between them. He assumed Dean needed his space.

Dean smiled slightly in return and gazed at Castiel. "Yeah, I'll try not to be as much of an asshole," he said with a sigh, rubbing his eyes. "How long do you think he's going to be staying here?" He asked hesitantly, hoping it wasn't a permanent thing, but there was always the cabin to escape to if Balthazar being there got on Dean's nerves too much.

Castiel shrugged. "Until Michael gets back," he said uncertainly. "Or he gets enough money to get his own place." He shrugged again, sighing softly. "I don't know. It shouldn't be too long. I doubt Balthazar wants to hang out here too much anyway. I mean, we're a couple and he barely knows Jimmy. He won't be about long."

Dean frowned in confusion. "Why's Michael away? What's he doing?" Dean didn't know Michael well but he seemed like the only member of Castiel's family that could be trusted. Dean didn't want to get them tangled up in this, but he felt kind of bad for disliking Castiel's brothers so much, so he reached for his hand to let him know he wasn't angry.

Castiel shrugged, squeezing Dean's hand a little. "He's in China apparently, doing God knows what." He sighed, shaking his head. "I just don't know anymore." He squeezed Dean's hand a little more before letting go of it and shuffled down to lie on his side, looking up at Dean. "I give up trying to keep track of them all. Honestly, I don't really care either. They're not my problem."

Dean sighed sadly and looked over at Cas. As far as Dean knew, Gabriel was in the army, Jimmy was back to life, Balthazar had been staying with Michael and was here now, and Michael was away in China. The thing that scared Dean the most was Lucifer. He was out there somewhere, walking around freely, and Dean didn't want to think about it. "I wish things were different for us," he said softly, "More... normal."

Castiel nodded limply, staring at Dean's thigh. His fiancé still sat upright in bed. "But this is what we've got. We've got to learn to deal with it," he said quietly, reaching a hand out to trace one of Dean's metal buttons but dropped his hand almost immediately as it seemed like too much effort to move. He huffed out a sigh and closed his eyes, burying his face into his pillow. It was too early for this.

Dean looked at Cas for a moment before moving to lie down beside him on the bed, and his hand found Castiel's again. "I love you, you know," Dean murmured softly, his thumb stroking along the back of Castiel's hand. "Yeah, our lives kind of suck right now but things will get better."

Castiel nodded and squeezed Dean's hand weakly. "I love you too," he whispered, lifting his head up enough to look over at Dean. "I know. Once we marry in the winter..things will get better." They just had to. He kept his eyes closed, drifting off again. He had nothing planned until he had to go to work this evening so he intended on just resting and being with Dean for as long as he could.

Two months later, in the beginning of August, the summer was starting to wind down. Dean had spent so much time working that the summer flew by quickly, but he did have enough time to enjoy it too. Cas was working too, and the strip club had been really busy in the summer nights. Dean had even gone to see Cas dance a few times. Balthazar was still living with them and Dean had learned to tolerate him, and there were no problems there. They'd sold a few of the kittens and the two that they kept were almost as big as Amber now.

Today was the day before Castiel's audition in New York City, and Dean was almost as nervous as him. "Do you have all your stuff packed?" Dean asked for the millionth time, standing tensely in the doorway of their bedroom.

"Yes," Castiel said with a roll of his eyes. "I'm going to be fine." He zipped up his travel bag and walked over to Dean, kissing his cheek. "I'm sorry you've gotta work sweetie but I'll be fine, promise." He smiled at Dean and picked up his bag and phone. "Just remember to give Sam a hug from me when you go to see him tonight," he added, wondering into Jimmy's room to say goodbye before going downstairs to say goodbye to Balthazar before Dean took him to the airport.

Dean smiled nervously and followed Cas downstairs. He went outside to start the car and he put Castiel's bag in the trunk. "Alright," he said, taking a deep breath and grinning excitedly at Castiel. "Let's go." He got into the car and as soon as Cas was in, they left. Dean tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, his mind racing with nerves and excitement and hope.

Castiel couldn't help but smile fondly at Dean's nerves. "Y'know you're not the one flying, babe," he teased lightly, placing a hand over Dean's knee in the hopes of calming him down a little. When they got to the airport, Castiel checked in and stood awkwardly with Dean by the gate. "Well..I guess this is it," he said with a small smile. "I'll see you in a few days."

Dean shot a look at Castiel. "I know, I just really hope you make it in," he said defensively. When they got there and were standing at the gate, Dean stood in front of Castiel and stared at him, unsure of what to say. Finally, he just grabbed Castiel's shirt and tugged him close for a kiss and then hugged him hard. "Make me proud, baby," he murmured. He pulled away and smiled at him. "Just focus and don't let the nerves get to you."

Castiel felt himself go weak as Dean kissed him and held him close. "I will," he promised. He was determined to get this spot. Show the world he wouldn't let it push him down and that he could be better. He was still stripping and he'd made a family there. A family he'd never forget but he was destined for bigger things. He could do this. "I love you," he said, moving away reluctantly from the security of Dean's arms as he heard his flight being called.

Dean bit his lip and watched as Castiel walked away. He raised a hand to wave slightly, forcing a smile. "I'll be thinking of you every moment," he said to Cas, loud enough to be heard over the crowd. "Call me when you land in New York, okay?" Dean waved again and held up his cell phone in case Cas didn't hear what he'd said.

Castiel nodded, seeing Dean hold up his phone as he moved through the crowd. He got on the plane and spent the next five hours nervously waiting for their arrival. He didn't have Dean physically there for support and it made him feel a little uneasy. The last three months after being out of the mental hospital had really turned around for them both. Having Dean there for support with everything he did had made things better.

As soon as they were off the plane, Castiel took his luggage and went outside to take his photo with New York behind him. "What up, NYC!" Castiel sent in a text along with his photo to Dean with a bunch of 'xoxoxo' added on the end for extra affection. He decided to walk to his hotel, taking in the city as he went.

After Cas got on the plane, Dean drove back to the cabin rather than going back to the Novak's house. He didn't really feel like going back there and playing house with Jimmy and Balthazar, so he just headed to the cabin to relax and maybe do some maintenance on the house. He and Cas had been spending more time there lately and Dean had noticed things that needed fixing, so he spent the rest of the day doing that. He got Castiel's text message about five hours later and sent a reply back, 'glad you made it lol. how was the flight?'

Castiel had gotten lost twice. Turns out he'd passed his hotel without even realizing it. When he finally checked in, he was grateful to just lie down on his bed and just relax. He took out his phone a replied to Dean's message. "Not too bad, babe. I just wish you could be here with me though. I love you." He put his phone on the side and decided to take a shower. He got out for some dinner and get an early night for his audition tomorrow.

Dean fell asleep on the couch in the cabin with the Discovery Channel playing in the background, some documentary about bird migration that was kind of interesting but lulled him to sleep. He woke up some time later in the middle of the night and checked his phone to reply to Cas.

Castiel spent the night in his hotel room practising. He'd gone out to dinner and had come back to go through his routine one last time before taking a shower and going to bed. He awoke the next morning in a nervous and anxious state. He had two hours until his audition and he felt under prepared to say the least. He looked at his clock and frowned. Shouldn't that say 7 not 8? Shit. He was late. His eyes widened as he scrambled out of bed and around the room, grabbing his things before practically running out the hotel half dressed to catch a cab just in time to take him across town.

Four days later, Dean was waiting at the airport for Cas. He was sitting casually on a bench near Castiel's gate as he waited for him to get off the plane. They hadn't spoken since the audition, so Dean had no idea how he did. When he saw Cas, Dean stood up and jogged over to him. He grabbed Castiel by the shoulders and stared at him, wide-eyed and hopeful. "Well?!" He asked, breathless with excitement.

Castiel had made it to his audition and spent the next four days to himself. He didn't talk to Dean or his mom or Jimmy or anyone besides the room service people. He used the time to reflect upon the feedback they'd given him and work out his options and what he was going to do. When he finally got back home and saw Dean's proud face awaiting him, he knew what he had to do. "I'm moving to New York," he said with a soft, nervous smile.

Dean looked at Cas for a moment, shocked speechless by what he'd just said. Then, it sank in, and Dean grinned widely, squeezing Castiel's shoulders and then pulling him close for a tight hug. "Cas! You got in, I knew you would. I'm so proud of you, baby!" He pulled back and looked into Castiel's eyes, feeling himself swelling with pride. He wasn't ready to think about Cas moving away, so he focused on the good part.

Castiel grinned and barely registered to wrap his arms around Dean. He couldn't help the small smile that made his cheeks ache. "Thanks, Dean," he said giddily. "I have you to thank for all this. I'm glad you pushed me towards this. Told me to never give up. I don't think I would have had the courage to go if it wasn't for you."

Dean smiled at Cas proudly and kissed him. "Let's go home, you can tell me all about it in the car. I am so proud of you, Cas." Dean picked up Castiel's suitcase and then gestured with his head in the direction of the door he'd come in. They walked outside to the Impala and Dean put Castiel's suitcase in the back, and then they both got in and drove away. Dean turned to Cas with a happy grin. "So?" He prompted, "What was it like?"

Castiel nodded and followed Dean out to the car. As they drove back home Castiel couldn't help but grin excitedly, his trip starting to sink in now that he was home. "Babe, it was amazing," Castiel gushed. "They've got these amazing programs and extra support. Stuff they never had in high school. They gave me a tour and they have a whole building dedicated to extra support alone. So if things get tough with the workload they've got enough staff to help out. They don't care I'm on medication. They said I've got talent and that's all that matters. They really care about me, Dean." He shook his head, smiling a little. "I mean, I was there for like an hour and I feel more confident about my future than I ever have."

Dean smiled softly as he listened to Cas talk about his future. He was really happy for him, of course, but he couldn't help but feel a little sad at the same time. Cas was moving on with his life and was on the road to a successful future, an education guaranteed in a great school, and he would be moving away to live there, obviously. They both knew Dean couldn't afford to go with him, and it would be difficult to visit each other as much as Dean would like. "You do have talent," Dean told him in agreement, "I'm so glad you got in. I knew you could do it."

Castiel smiled softly, looking over at Dean with saddened eyes. "Thanks," he said softly, reaching out for Dean's hand once they were parked in the drive. "Hey," he said quietly to get Dean's attention as he squeezed Dean's hand lightly. "We'll be okay. I'll skype you everyday if I have to. I'll be back for the holidays and I know it'll be tough but these next few years will guarantee me a better job. Giving us more money and more options for our future. It'll make everything better. Even if it means we have to be apart for a while."

Dean glanced over at Cas and squeezed his hand back, giving him a smile. "I know," he murmured, not making a move to get out of the car just yet. "But don't let it get to you, Cas. You just focus on the dancing and don't worry about me, I'll be fine." Dean leaned over to kiss Castiel gently, and then released his hand so they could get out of the car. "I, uh... I already got you a cake that says 'Congratulations' on it," he admitted sheepishly, "I just had a feeling you'd get in. Good thing you did, or this would be really awkward."

Castiel smiled softly at Dean and kissed him back before getting out the car. Dean was always putting his needs first and as soon as Castiel was done with his education he vowed to dedicate the rest of his life to putting Dean first and making him happy. "I love you," Castiel chuckled, stepping into the house. Of course Dean got him a cake. Just one of those things that made Dean, Dean. "Hey!" Castiel cheered happily when he saw Jimmy standing there with a small smile and a small homemade congratulations banner. "That's so sweet of you, Jim," he hummed, slowly embracing his brother, allowing Jimmy to move away after a few seconds when it got too much. "Where's my favourite gal?" he asked, looking down at the floor to find Amber, Honey and Panda bounding around the place. He picked up Amber and squished his cheek against her face. "Oh I missed you, baby. I missed you so much," he crooned to his beloved pet cat.

Dean smiled at Jimmy and carried Castiel's suitcase into the house and set it on the floor. Dean bent down to scratch the kittens' ears as Cas held Amber and smothered her with love. "So, cake?" Dean said with a grin, patting Castiel on the back. "It's chocolate, your favorite. And I saved a bottle of nice red dessert wine too, if you're interested."

Castiel hummed in appreciation. "Man, that sounds great," he said with a grin. He kissed Amber with a loud 'mwah' sound before setting her down on the floor with her babies. He greeted the other two with a few pets before joining Dean in the kitchen. His mail had been set aside and he skimmed through it quickly before taking out the interesting stuff and leaving the bills and junk mail on the side. He quickly read over the letter from his mom, leaning against the counter whilst Dean got them wine and cake. "Hmm, mom met Johnny Depp. Says he's filming his latest movie out there and she met him whilst he was out for lunch," Castiel read aloud with amusement.

Dean began cutting up the cake into pieces and setting it on plates. He snorted in amusement as he poured the wine, smirking over at Cas. "And you're not crying on the floor in jealousy?" He teased, "I thought Johnny Depp was your fantasy. You know, with the boots, and only the boots?" Dean grinned and brought the three plates over to the table and poured two glasses of wine, not getting any for Jimmy because of what had happened last time.

Castiel smirked, putting the letter aside and chuckled slightly. "Mmm that sounds about right," Castiel grinned, sitting at the table as he went through the rest of the letters. He smiled gratefully as Dean didn't pour any wine for Jimmy. He was glad they'd both learned their lesson. He flipped through the rest of his mail. There was also a letter from Samandreil which Castiel read quickly before handing over to Jimmy to read.

Dean took a bite of the cake and watched as Castiel passed a letter to Jimmy for him to read. "Who's that from?" He asked casually, not wanting to intrude but just out of curiosity. He sat back in his chair a little bit and sipped at his glass of red wine as he watched Jimmy read the letter.

"Samadriel," Castiel answered, taking a sip of his wine. "Remember when we went to France? The guy in the duck suit?" Castiel reminded with a soft, sad smile. He'd told him Jimmy was dead. It was odd to think that that was part of reality and not just some crazy dream. He took a bite of cake and hummed happily. "Damn, Dean. This is some good cake," he said with a grin, taking another bite.

Dean nodded and smiled as he remembered the guy they'd met in France. "Yeah, that guy," he said as he sipped his wine. He took a few more bites of cake and giggled at Cas. "Yeah, I obviously didn't make it," he replied, "This is beyond my limited abilities. It is really good, though."

Castiel grinned, "I know. It's still good though." Castiel finished his cake and leaned back in his chair with a soft sigh, swirling the contents of his wine glass absently. "Mm..this is nice," he hummed, taking a sip of his wine. "Nice to be back. I can't believe in just a few weeks time I'll be moving back out there," he said with a small chuckle.

Dean's smile faded a little and he set his wine glass down carefully. "A few weeks?" He repeated. For some reason Dean assumed it would be longer, but in two weeks time Castiel would be gone and Dean would be sleeping in an empty bed. He looked at Cas with a still expression, biting his lip. He didn't want to ruin the mood, so he glanced down uncertainly and picked up his glass again to busy his hands.

Castiel swallowed thickly, setting his own glass down and looked over at Dean with an apologetic expression. "They're doing this sort of start up induction before the term actually starts..and I said I'd go." He paused a moment before adding. "I know I should have come home and talked about it first but honestly, this is something I want to do. I'm real rusty and sexy dancing will only get me so far. I think this'll help me settle over there too."

Dean shook his head. "No, you should do what you think is best," he reassured, "If you think it'll help you then you should do it, Cas." Dean smiled at him softly and offered him the wine bottle. "Seriously, man. Don't worry about me, just work hard and be awesome. I'm really glad you're doing something you love, that's what's important."

Castiel smiled softly and declined the offer of more wine by holding a hand over his glass. "Thanks, Dean," he said quietly, grateful to have such an understanding boyfriend who wasn't demanding to see him every moment of the day. "I'm going to go upstairs and lie down. That flight was pretty exhausting," Castiel said, standing up and kissed Dean's forehead before heading upstairs for some much needed relaxation.

Dean smiled softly at Castiel and leaned into the kiss on his forehead. "Alright, baby, you go get some rest. I'll bring you up some dinner later if you're awake," he said. When Cas had gone upstairs, Dean picked up Honey and held her to his chest, thinking. They'd have to figure out financial stuff and how to afford for Cas to stay in school, and Dean almost had enough money in his bank account to become Sam's legal guardian, and as soon that happened Sam was going to move into the Novak's house with them.

Castiel was almost asleep as soon as he hit his bed. Amber and Panda had scurried up the stairs to curl up beside him and he was grateful for the extra warmth. He sure was going to miss them when he left. Amber had always been there for him and now he felt like he was leaving her behind but he trusted Dean and Jimmy to look after her. Just like she had for him for almost eight years.

"Hey, Jimmy," Dean began quietly, "Would you be alright with Sam moving in here in a few weeks, when Cas leaves? I want to get him out of the foster home and back with me. But I don't want to intrude in your house or anything." Dean put Honey down and she raced up the stairs, probably to join Cas for a nap.

Jimmy looked up from Samandriel's letter and shook his head. "H-He seems nice," Jimmy said quietly. "There's another bed-bedrooms. We just n-need to clear them out to be usable." Jimmy gave a small smile and returned to his letter, looking through it and writing his reply out carefully in his head. He'd get Castiel to write it with him later.

Dean smiled gratefully and stood up to clear away their plates. "Thanks, Jimmy, I really appreciate it," he said sincerely. He went into the kitchen and cleaned up their plates from the cake and then went upstairs to join Cas for a nap with the cats. He went into the room and saw that Cas had dozed off with the cats and smiled slightly to himself.

Castiel awoke and it was dark outside. Dean was on the bed with him and the cats wedged between them. He moaned softly as Panda pressed her face against his cheek. He blinked awake, looking around tiredly and smiled over at Dean. "Dean?" he asked softly, unsure if the man was sleeping or just resting.

Dean was half asleep and he hummed in response when he heard Castiel say his name quietly, not bothering to open his eyes. He was pleasantly sleepy and comfortable and he could feel the warmth of both Castiel and the cats, sleeping between them like babies. He stroked the nearest furry tail absently, wrapping it around his hand and sighing contentedly.

"Baby," Castiel murmured, reaching out for Dean's hand and stroked both Honey's tail and Dean's hand. "Baby wake up. I've gotta go," he whispered sadly. Two weeks had flown by and Castiel couldn't believe that this was really it. He smiled fondly, remembering how they'd laid like this on his first night back. He couldn't believe this would be the last time he woke up with Dean like this for the unseeable future.

Dean opened his eyes and looked at Castiel, eyes full of emotion. He was happy, obviously, because this was the beginning of Castiel's future, a new life for him that would make him happy. But Dean was going to miss him terribly, miss waking up to him like this. Dean squeezed his hand and snuggled a little closer, resting his forehead against Castiel's. "Five minutes," he whispered pleadingly, wanting to savor this moment before Cas left and traveled hundreds of miles away.

Castiel sighed but allowed Dean's request. He'd woken up extra early because he knew this would happen. He didn't blame Dean either. He felt the same way. He closed his eyes and let the moment consume him. The cats between them wriggled and mewed softly, getting comfortable again as the humans disturbed their sleep.

Dean shifted slightly so they weren't crushing the cats and he stroked Castiel's hand gently with his thumb, their fingers loosely laced together. "I'm gonna miss you a lot, babe," Dean whispered sadly, "Will you miss me?" Dean knew that Cas would, obviously, but it made him feel better to hear Cas say it.

Castiel smiled softly, looking at Dean through the dark. "Of course," he said softly. "I'm gonna miss you like crazy. As soon as I get there we're skyping, babe. It's gonna be weird not having you sleep next to me." He looked down at the cats and smiled, nuzzling up to Amber. "And I'm gonna miss you too baby. Yes I am," he crooned with a soft smile.

Dean smiled sadly and watched as Cas pet his cat. "I'll put the cats on skype too," he promised, petting Amber gently. "Promise you'll make friends, Cas? If you're sad or if anything happens you'll need someone and I won't be there." Dean looped his fingers back together with Castiel's and gazed at him.

Castiel grinned at Amber. She didn't exactly look too thrilled about being on camera but he was sure Dean would find a way to keep her happy. He kissed her head and looked back at Dean. "I will. I promise," he said sincerely, squeezing Dean's hand a little. "Come on," he said reluctantly. "I'll miss my flight if we dwell any longer."

Dean sighed and moved over a little to allow Cas room to get up and out of bed. "Yeah," he agreed quietly, getting out of bed and going into the bathroom to brush his teeth. "Are you taking a shower? I'll load the car and make breakfast if you want to shower." Dean offered, not wanting Cas to feel too stressed before he left.

Castiel shook his head. "I'll have one once I get over there. Flying makes me feel groggy anyways," he said, slowly padding into the bathroom to brush his teeth before putting his toothbrush in his suitcase. He got dressed and held his beloved Amber for a long time whilst Dean loaded up the car. "I'm gonna miss you baby. I'll be back real soon, I promise."

Dean loaded up the car and once everything was packed, he stood in the doorway with Cas, looking at him sadly as he said goodbye to Amber. "Jimmy and I will take really good care of her," he promised, walking up to them and gently stroking Amber's cheek. He kissed Cas on the temple and nodded towards the door. "Let's get going, then," he said in a quiet voice. "You ready?"

Castiel put Amber down and nodded at Dean. "Sure," he said, making his way towards the car. He'd said goodbye to Jimmy during the week. His brother was never good at these situations so they'd said their goodbyes in advance. Castiel watched as the house disappeared out of view as Dean drove him to the airport. His whole life he'd be bullied here and now he was moving on. Leaving his most important person behind.

The drive to the airport was long and silent, neither of them knowing quite what to say. The air was thick with emotion and Dean was both relieved and saddened when they arrived at the airport. They got Cas checked in and he was right on time for his flight. The plane was scheduled to leave soon and they were calling Castiel's flight within a few minutes, and it was all happening so fast that Dean felt panic rising in his chest. He grabbed Castiel tightly and held him, trying not to cry. "I love you," he whispered roughly.

When they got to the airport Castiel didn't know what to do. Nothing was sinking in. He felt like he was floating. He couldn't be leaving the love of his life behind, surely. "I love you," Castiel responded, holding Dean just as tight. "Stay safe," he added, kissing Dean's cheek, nudging his nose against Dean's before devouring his mouth, kissing him one last time before he had to leave.

Dean whimpered and tangled his fingers in Castiel's hair, tasting as much of him as he could before Cas pulled away and went down the ramp to get on the plane. He couldn't say anything because his throat was too tight to even breathe, and before he knew it Cas was out of sight and Dean's eyes were filling with tears. He turned away and shuffled absently back through the airport to get back in his car. To go back to a house without Castiel.

Castiel had to move away. If he didn't now he never would. He walked away and didn't look back. He couldn't bare to see what this was doing to Dean. He spent most of the plane ride trying not to cry. As soon as he was allocated his room in the dormitories. Castiel set up his computer, logged into Skype and let out a shaky breath. It's been seven hours without Dean and he was already going crazy.

It was a cloudy, sleepy day and Dean wanted to go back to bed. As soon as he got back to the house he went upstairs and collapsed in the bed, on the side that smelled like Castiel. He fell asleep before he had the chance to process the absence of his boyfriend. A few hours later, he was woken up by the sound of his skype account ringing on his computer, and he pulled it over to himself and opened the video up, smiling softly when he saw Cas. "Hey, how is everything? Did you have a good flight?"

Castiel felt a lot more comfortable once Dean had answered the video call and he could see his face. "Hey," he said softly, feeling himself getting emotional for being away from Dean for such a little time, knowing this was only the beginning. "As good as it can be," he shrugged. Suddenly the door swung open and a short guy with an eyebrow piecing and an easy smile burst into the room. "Aw, sweet. You're already here. 'sup. I'm Jesse."

Castiel just stared dumbfounded at his supposed roommate. "I..hey. I'm Castiel." Jesse closed the door behind him as he juggled a box into the room before setting it on the empty bed. Castiel continued to watch his roomate as he sauntered over to Castiel's computer and waved at Dean. "Hi. I'm Jesse," he said with a grin, apparently very comfortable talking to people he'd never met. "Who's this dreamboat," he whispered to Castiel, hand covering his mouth so Dean couldn't hear what he'd said. Castiel dry swallowed, giving Dean an apologetic look before looking up at Jesse. "This would be Dean..my fiancé."

Jesse raised his hands in the air and let out a small cheer. "Fiancé! Uh, isn't that adorable. First time away from him, I bet. That's sweet. Listen, couple of the girls from theatre offered to show me around. I'll just go do that so you can have some..alone time with your fiancé." Jesse winked and wiggled his eyebrows which made Castiel blush a bit. Jesse retrieved an odd sock from his box of assorted goodies and hung it on the door as he closed the door behind him, leaving Castiel alone again once more. "So...that's Jesse. I guess," Castiel said with a bemused look.

Dean squinted at the screen curiously as another guy walked into the room, making a confident entrance. Castiel's roomate, most likely. And it looked like they hadn't even met yet, and Dean was interested to see how this would go. He smiled and waved casually at the guy and then covered his mouth with his hand and laughed in disbelief as Jesse introduced himself and spoke to Castiel as if they'd known each other for years.

Castiel glared at Dean once Jesse was gone and it was safe to speak again. "This isn't funny," Castiel scowled lightly. "My roommate thinks you're a hot piece of ass." Castiel sounded jealous and possessive. Probably more so than usual because he couldn't actually have access to Dean and he was getting frustrated and it'd only been a day.

Dean smirked and shrugged apologetically. "Well, it's true," he defended teasingly, feeling somewhat relieved. "Don't take it out on him, it's not like he can have me anyway. He seems like a pretty nice guy. And he has a good taste in men. Just don't let his, uh.. charming ways draw you in." Dean winked at him.

Castiel laughed, rolling his eyes. "Don't worry babe, I'm sure I can handle it." He gazed at the screen sadly, leaning on one of his hands. "You on the other hand I can't handle. I miss you already. I don't think I can do this Dean." He fiddled with his engagement ring and smiled sadly. "The bed is way too small here and missing some cats."

Dean smiled at the screen and sighed a little. "Yeah, I miss you already. But I'm sure you'll have a really good time. It's a chance to meet new people and everything, and maybe I can come visit you sometime and meet your friends and this mysterious Jesse. Wait, Amber's right here, I'll grab her." Dean bent down and picked up Amber, who'd just walked into the room, and he held her up so Cas could see her. "Say hi, Amber!' He picked up one of her paws and waved it.

Castiel grinned as Dean got Amber and made her wave at the camera. Castiel waved back, giggling a little. "Oh my baby. I miss you guys so much," he murmured. He sighed, making a noise in defeat. "I guess I should go to this mixer thing tonight meet some people but I just want to sleep with you. God I wish you could be here. It'd be amazing."

Dean smiled and adjusted Amber so she wouldn't be uncomfortable and got her to settle down on his lap. He stroked her soft fur gently and looked at the computer screen. "Yeah, you should go to that," he encouraged, "You'll get sick of talking to a computer soon enough and want to hang out with real people. And yeah, the bed's kinda lonely but we'll manage. At least we can still talk to each other."

Castiel chuckled, nodding in agreement. At that moment, Jesse came back, shielding his eyes with his hand despite his spread fingers so he could actually see everything. "Don't mind me. Forgot my wallet." Castiel bit back a laugh and failed, gaining Jesse's attention. "What..uh.. whatcha doin', Dean?" he asked with an easy smirk, wiggling his eyes brows. Castiel blushed deeply. "Dude," he said, trying to get Jesse's attention but it was pointless. "He's just playing with my cat," he explained seeing as Dean's arm was moving in his lap where the camera cut off. Jesse just gave a look. "Yeah. Sure. You just keep touchin' your pussy, Dean." Castiel groaned, hiding behind his hands.

Dean laughed when Jesse came back in and tilted the camera down so Amber was visible on the screen. "I'm stroking Castiel's pussy," he played along, continuing to pet Amber. Dean could see that Castiel was blushing and it was adorable. Despite just barely seeing Jesse, Dean was already starting to like him and he hoped Cas did too, even if he was a bit outrageous.

"Ooo, kinky," Jesse purred, winking at Dean. Castiel shook his head but he was smiling. He'd never met someone so open like this. It was nice. He'd known the guy for less than an hour and he was already getting the impression they could easily be friends. "Uh, I only I get to see him stroke my pussy. Thank you," Castiel said, covering the screen with his hands. Jesse grinned, going over to his bed to sit cross-legged on it, getting the impression Castiel wouldn't mind if he stayed. "You comin' to the mixer tonight, Cas?" he asked, to which Castiel nodded. "I guess. I can't drink much though," he said with a sheepish expression. Jesse nodded. "No problem. I don't exactly intend on getting smashed on the first night. Although I wouldn't say no if a handsome stranger gave me a cider."

Dean grinned and sat back in his chair a little as he watched the interaction between Cas and Jesse. It looked like they were already becoming friends, which Dean was glad for. Cas had changed a lot since they'd met, but he was still a shy person and Dean was glad he seemed to like his roommate already. Dean wasn't worried about anything happening because it was very clear that Cas was taken.

Castiel gave Jesse a look. "A couple ciders shouldn't be an invitation to spread your legs." Jesse just shrugged. "Takes more than a couple ciders for me, sugar. Throw in a couple tequilas and you can have me any which way you please," Jesse winked. Castiel rolled his eyes. "Classy," he said dryly, giving Dean a small grin. Jesse made a face, coming to sit on Castiel's bed. "Don't hog, dollface all to yourself. Come on, share with the class." Jesse laid down on the bed on his stomach, holding his head up in his hands as he grinned at the camera. "Okay guys, tell me about yourselves. How long have you been together, what position do you like to do it in, where are you from? Come on guys, quickly. Answers. Give me answers here. I feel like I'm doing all the work."

Dean smiled in amusement at Jesse and then moved his laptop so he was lying on his bed similar to how Jesse was positioned on Castiel's bed. "Jesus, you really don't beat around the bush, do you," Dean commented, "Cas and I have been together for more than a year and we're from down the coast, North Carolina. And I'm not telling you what position we do it in, pervert," Dean blushed slightly and laughed.

Castiel rolled his eyes, deciding to just lie down on the bed next to Jesse and got comfy seeing as he didn't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. "Hmm, was worth a shot," Jesse shrugged with a cheeky grin. "I'm just saying, everyone likes to play differently." Castiel blushed and laughed a little. The man was completely insane.

Dean snorted and ran his hand down his face in disbelief. "Cas, good luck living with this guy," he said to the camera, "So, Jesse, how about your sex life? Since you're so open about it, lets hear about you. Got a significant other? Favorite sex position?" Dean was having way too much fun with this and he was glad he was getting to know Castiel's roommate, it made him feel less worried about Cas.

Castiel grinned at Dean and gave a side glance to Jesse who just looked smug as fuck. "Well, I would never say no to a strong man between my thighs," Jesse drawled with an easy smile. "No significant other. Gotta give them all a test drive first, am I right?" he winked and nudged Castiel and laughed. "Hmm, probably missionary. I'm not big on the whole penetration thing. Doesn't really do it for me."

Dean groaned and dropped his face into his hands. "Dude, I really didn't need to know that," But if Jesse could talk about it comfortably in front of two guys he'd never met, while all three of them were into men, Dean could too. "Missionary's great," he agreed, "But it's pretty awesome when you can take turns topping, huh Cas?" Dean said with a smirk. This was the strangest conversation Dean had had in a long time.

Castiel scowled at the camera. "Are you trying to piss me off?" he grumbled with no real heat to his words. He was just joking around trying to deflate a little from the strange conversation they were having. Jesse chuckled. "Really? I kinda imagined Cas as a permanent bottom. You mix it up? That's cool. Healthy." Castiel just stared at the camera, mentally cursing Dean for bringing this up.

Dean choked in amused shock at Jesse's openness and hoped Cas wasn't too offended. "That's the first thing you thought about when you saw Cas? Dude, that's a little messed up." Dean looked directly into the camera and leaned a little closer. "Cas, I hope you survive living with this guy."

Jesse shrugged. "Well, once I knew for sure he was gay. A guy thinks these things, you know." Castiel blushed and shook his head, laughing a little. "I hope so too," he said quietly, biting his lip. Jesse just laughed, edging away. "Just say if I'm too much. I can never tell when I'm too over the top." Castiel just shook his head. "It's okay. It's kinda nice to have someone this energetic around."

Dean was glad Cas seemed to be getting along with the guy he'd be living with, but he couldn't help but feel a little sad at the same time. If Cas ever needed someone, Dean wouldn't be there to comfort him and that was frustrating. But it was healthy to be apart from each other for a while, because they still had the rest of their lives to live together. "Jesse, you take care of him, alright?" Dean asked.

Jesse nodded and saluted at the camera. "Yes, ma'am. Will do. Don't worry, Dean. Your boy is safe with me," he assured with an easy smile. Jesse always joked around but if someone ever got hurt, he was always there to comfort them. He never let one of his baby chickens fall behind. He patted Castiel's back and got up, moving away to leave the room. "Alright, sugar. I'll leave you two to it. It was nice to meet you Dean."

Dean rose an eyebrow at the "ma'am" but didn't comment on it. "Nice to meet you too," he said as Jesse got up and left the room. When Dean heard the door close behind him, Dean laughed and ran a hand through his hair. "You got yourself an interesting one there, Cas," he muttered in amusement. "Seriously, he's like that when he just met you?"

Castiel deflated once Jesse had left the room. "He seems nice enough. A little humour is what I need right now. I'm fed up of everything being so serious," Castiel reasoned with a soft shrug. "Hey, do you..do you think we could skype again when I come back from this mixer thing? You don't have to talk to me. I just..I want to sleep next to you," he said, blushing, feeling stupid for even asking.

Dean grinned. "Yeah, he seems like a nice guy. Really entertaining." Dean's smile softened into something more tender at the request, and he nodded. "Of course. I'd like that... it's already feeling a little lonely here without you and I have this whole bed to myself." Dean looked over at the empty side of the bed where Castiel slept and sighed sadly. Soon the pillows wouldn't even smell like Cas anymore.

Castiel smiled sadly and blew a kiss to the screen. "Thanks, love," he said sincerely. "That means a lot to me. I just..it's gonna be hard at first. Not having you around." He sighed, hugging one of the pillows on the bed and sighed. "I miss you guys so much. I just wanna hug and kiss you all the time and you're not here and..fuck this is gonna be hard."

Dean hummed in agreement and put one finger up on the screen to trace the grainy image of Castiel's face. "I know," he murmured, smiling sadly, "But you're going to get so much out of this and it'll all be worth it, baby." Dean rested his chin on his hand and sighed. "I'm gonna miss you so much, man."

Castiel smiled softly and waved at the camera. "Alright baby, I'm gonna go. See if I can meet some people at this mixer thing. I'll call you later before going to bed, alright?" He blew a kiss to the camera before disconnecting the call. He closed his laptop and set it on the side, standing up to go find Jesse at the mixer. At least then he'd have someone he knew at least.

Dean blew a kiss in return to the camera and then shut his laptop and moved it off to the side of the bed. It was early evening and Dean didn't feel like doing anything other than lying around and possibly taking a nap. He hoped Cas would have a good time at the mixer and get to know some people.

Castiel had made it to the main hall, finding people milling around and talking in small groups. Jesse spotted him and waved him over. Castiel went over with a small smile and Jesse draped an arm around him and brought him in close. "Guys, this is my oh so handsome roommate, Castiel." Castiel blushed but nodded casually, waving slightly. "Hey," he said as Jesse then proceed to introduce him to his new friend. "This is Mia, Jack, Vicky and Tony."

Jack grinned at the latest addition to their little group. He'd been pretty nervous about coming to college and meeting new people, as had the rest of them, but he was relieved to be welcomed into a group of people and have somebody to hang out with. The first person Jack had talked to was Jesse, and he was the one who'd already befriended Mia, Vicky, and Tony and introduced them all to each other, but for some reason Jack's heart sank when he saw Castiel. Jesse's roommate was pretty attractive, and Jack could already feel the beginnings of jealousy creep through him. Jesse seemed to really like Castiel.

Castiel grinned, looking over their group. It was nice to see everyone seemed friendly and not over-assertive and aggressive. Castiel couldn't deal with those type of people. "Hey guys," he said with a soft smile to the group. "Um..Jesse hasn't asked you about sexual positions yet. Has he?" He knew it was a stupid topic to go on but he thought it'd break the tension with something silly and absurd. Mia rolled her eyes. "Don't even get me started. First thing he says to me is 'hey girl, you'd make an excellent stripper with thighs like that. Oh by the way my name's Jesse. Where's the bathroom?'" Castiel laughed, shaking his head and pouted at Jesse. "Why didn't you ask me if I was a stripper?" Jesse shook his head. "Because your fiancé was in the room. I thought he'd be mad if I suggested such a thing," he shrugged, leaning against Castiel a little, too lazy to use his own legs. Castiel raised an eyebrow. "Dude, I've been a stripper for like four months now, back home."

Jack laughed into his beer and almost choked, moving it away from his face and wiping his mouth with his hand as he looked at Jesse in amused disbelief. He hadn't asked Jack about anything like that, seemed pretty casual and friendly but nothing over the top sexual, and Jack felt a bit discouraged as he watched Jesse lean against Castiel. But then he learned that Cas had a fiance, a fiance who was a man, and that changed things. Jack turned his attention to Castiel in surprise. "You're a stripper?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

Castiel nodded proudly. "Sure am, Jack," Castiel grinned and held Jesse up and wrinkled his nose in annoyance when Jesse wouldn't stop leaning against. He shoved him a bit so he would move away and Jesse pouted. "Show us some moves, Novak," Jesse insisted. Castiel rolled his eyes. "Unless you're my Dean or my client. I ain't showing you nothing," Castiel smirked, crossing his arms. He'd learned to be proud of being a stripper. It was good money with caring co-workers and he got to pursue his passion of dancing. He didn't see what was wrong with that.

Jack grinned and sipped his drink some more to keep his hands busy, also because he couldn't quite think of what to say to respond to this news. Luckily, Vicky spoke up, more confident in this situation than Jack. "What's your stage name, I'll look you up. Do you have any videos of yourself up on YouTube?" She asked, taking out her iPhone and looking up at Castiel hopefully. Jack was content to just observe the conversations, and he couldn't help but glance over at Jesse every so often, even when he wasn't the center of attention.

Castiel blushed at Vicky and bashfully said, "Mystic Raven." Jesse noticed that Jack would glance over at him and he carefully slipped over to stand by his side. "You doin' okay, Jack?" he asked with a small smile. "Don't worry. You can always think about me stripping if it makes you uncomfortable to think about angel face over there," he said with a teasing smile.

Vicky quickly searched Castiel's stage name on her phone and she squealed when she found a video, and Mia crowded in. Jack hesitated a little and watched as Jesse approached him. His heart sped up a little with nerves and he looked down at his beer with despair when he realized it was empty. He blushed at Jesse's comment and shuffled on his feet awkwardly. "Nah, that's alright, tempting as that sounds," he teased back, rolling his eyes a little. He wasn't great at flirting and he knew there wasn't much point to it, with him being a bit shy and reserved in social situations.

Jesse pouted, looking Jack up and down with interest. "Well if you ever wanna, you've got my permission." He winked at Jack and reluctantly moved away to look at the video on Vicky's phone. He couldn't not sneak a peak. "Fuck me!" Jesse said, raising an eyebrow. "You've got tats?! Show me! Show me!" Castiel blushed and shook his head. "I don't exactly feel like taking my top off right now. We're in public."

Jack's eyes widened in surprise as Jesse looked him up and down, possibly even checking him out, and he was left speechless and blushing at Jesse's words, but luckily he didn't have to reply because Jesse was walking away and directing his attention to Vicky's phone. The girls were both watching with interested, eager grins on their faces, leaning close to the phone to see better, and Mia looked up at Castiel flirtatiously. "How about later, when we're not in public? You can show me in private, baby," she teased, winking at him suggestively. She didn't mean anything by it, since it was pretty clear that Castiel wasn't interested in girls, not to mention he had a fiancé.

Castiel dipped his head and blushed. This sort of stuff he didn't mind when at the club but anywhere else felt a little weird. He chuckled and shrugged. "Whatever you want, babydoll," he winked, trying to keep up the friendly atmosphere. Jesse came back over to Jack and brushed his hand lightly against his'. "I'm gonna get a drink. You want one?" he asked, gesturing to the empty cup in Jack's hand.

Vicky slapped at Mia's arm lightly. "Leave the poor guy alone," she scolded, "Don't you see the ring?" Mia pouted, but then quickly brightened up. "Hey, do you have a picture of this mysterious fiancé of yours?" She asked eagerly. Jack's breath hitched in his throat as Jesse came back over to him and their hands touched. Christ, he'd only known the guy for a few hours and he was already falling hard. He nodded and cleared his throat a little. "Yeah, yeah, that'd be great," he said thankfully, "I'll just have whatever you're getting."

Castiel grinned, taking out his phone and showed them a photo of Dean's he'd taken before leaving. He was laid back against the bed, smiling up at Castiel. His tattoo on show by the way Dean's arms rest up against the sides of his head. "Here's my baby, Dean," he said, showing the girls his loving fiancé. "As soon as Christmas holidays come around. I'm getting a plane back home and I'm gonna marry that boy," he said proudly. Jesse smiled, winking at Jack before heading off to the bar to buy them both a rum and coke. He was planning to get Jack drunk. He was cute and Jesse knew what he wanted. This was going to happen.

Mia and Vicky leaned forward and stared wide-eyed at the picture on Castiel's phone. "He's gorgeous!" Vicky said, impressed, "Wow, you're a lucky man, Castiel. And so is he." Mia took the phone out of Castiel's hand and squinted at it before looking up at Castiel again with a grin. "It's a shame you can't combine your genes, because your kids would be beautiful," she said, and Vicky gave her a look and then glanced at Castiel apologetically. "Are you planning on having kids?" She asked interestedly.

Jack sighed as soon as Jesse left and wandered over to look at the picture of Castiel's fiance. He was very attractive and he nodded in agreement to what the girls were saying. He ran a hand over the back of his neck and tried to calm his nerves and act cool, because Jesse was coming back holding two rum and cokes. He didn't know if it was just wishful thinking or if Jesse was actually flirting with him.

Castiel grinned, taking his phone back and nodded. "Hopefully," he said with a small smile. "I'd love to have a family with him but that's not gonna happen for a while. Those facilities are really expensive. I'd have to start saving money now if I ever want to have kids, y'know?"

Jesse sauntered back, trying to look hot for Jack but he wasn't even looking. He pouted sliding in next to Jack and handed him his glass carefully. "There you go, sugar," he smiled. Castiel looked over and raised an eyebrow. "Um..and where's mine?" Castiel teased. Jesse rolled his eyes. "What am I, made of money? You're a stripper. I'm sure you've got enough to buy your own booze." Castiel nodded and chuckled, looking over at the girls. "Would you ladies like anything?" he offered politely.

Jack took the drink and smiled at Jesse shyly as he sipped from it. "Thanks," he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out some cash. He held it out to Jesse uncertainly, not sure exactly what was going on. Did Jesse just buy him a drink, or did he expect to be paid back? And he'd just called him sugar. What the hell was happening?

Vicky looked between Jesse and Jack and rose an eyebrow suggestively at Mia, who glanced over at the guys and then nodded in agreement. "Uh, I'll have a cosmo," Vicky said, and Mia laughed quietly. "What, they're good!" Vicky said defensively. "Alright, well I'll have a good old gin and tonic," Mia said.

Jesse eyed the cash and shook his head. "On me," he insisted with a small smirk. "Or under me. Choice is yours," he said with a large, teasing smirk before chugging back his drink. He hoped Jack was getting the message loud and clear. He didn't exactly like to wait around for a guy to know what it was he wanted.

Castiel noticed the look Vicky gave Mia and looked subtly in Jack and Jesse's direction before realizing what was going on. "I don't think I can carry them all on my own. Why don't you just come with me?" he said, trying to be subtle. At least then they could watch Jack and Jesse whilst giving them their space.

The girls both nodded, sharing secret smiles with Castiel, and they followed him away to the bar, leaving Jesse and Jack alone. Jack watched them go helplessly and then turned back to Jessie, awkwardly putting the change back into his pocket and taking a few large swallows of his drink before he could meet the guy's eyes. He cleared his throat and looked at him with a hesitant smile. "Dude, I hardly know you," he said, desperate to come up with some explanation as to why this cute guy was flirting with him. Jack wasn't very socially comfortable and he wasn't great at reading social cues, but he'd been in a few short-lived relationships before but they never lasted because he wasn't quite good enough dating material, he supposed. But Jesse was actually flirting with him, suggesting things, buying him drinks, and Jack was overwhelmed and confused.

Castiel rolled his eyes and bought them all drinks. They'd been here a few hours and Jesse was already trying to get in people's pants. He supposed that's what happened at college. He just didn't realize it happened this quietly. He bought himself a coke, not really wanting to drink whilst on his medication. He had a few glasses of wine back home but that was different. That was with Dean who he trusted and knew about his past. He wasn't quite ready for something like that here.

Jesse looked a little taken back by pressed on. "Look you're cute. I'm cute. There's something here," he said with a smile, gesturing between the two of them. "Why don't we head back upstairs and be cute together. Hmm?"

Jack's eyes widened and he stared speechlessly at Jessie before quickly chugging the rest of his drink. He needed to be drunk for this or else he'd just embarrass himself by acting all uptight. He licked his lips, watching as Jesse spoke. "If by 'cute' you mean..." He gave Jesse a questioning look, heart pounding hard. He knew exactly what Jesse meant, but he couldn't believe it was happening for real. He swallowed hard and nodded, tilting his head down a little and licking his lips again.

Jesse grinned, Jack was too cute. The way he kept licking his lips nervously made Jesse want him more. "You know what I mean," he said, taking Jack's empty glass from him, using it as an excuse to stand close and brush their hands together before standing away again to take the glasses to the bar. He went back to Jack and smiled. "C'mon. I've got a bottle of rum in my room, what d'ya say?"

Jack bit his lip and looked around, but Castiel, Vicky, Mia and Tony were nowhere to be found. He looked back at Jesse and jumped slightly in surprise when he realized that Jesse was much closer than he had been before, and their hands were touching, and then he moved away again as quickly. He breathed out a sigh of relief when Jesse disappeared into the crowd to bring their glasses back, and then he nodded hesitantly, offering Jesse a small smile. "Okay," he agreed, nodding slightly.

Jesse grinned, leading Jack out of the hall and through to the dorms and up to his room. He hadn't unpacked properly yet, save his bed and some books. He rifled through a box before finding the bottle of rum and grinned up at Jack. "Alright Jack, let's start our own little party, huh?" He put his laptop on the desk and turned on his iTunes, playing his playlist and started dancing a little, shuffling up next to Jack and looking up at him with bright eyes, wanting him to look less stiff and brighten up now that they were alone.

Jesse looked around the room, taking in what appeared to be Castiel's side of the room, already set up and unpacked, and then Jesse's side which was barren by comparison, and he laughed quietly as Jesse sidled up beside him and looked up at him. Jesse was small, shorter than Jack by at least three inches, and it was cute. He was also energetic as hell, and Jack was already starting to loosen up just a little with the alcohol. He grinned shyly and glanced over at the computer. "Nice tunes," he commented, "Adele's amazing."

Jesse grinned. "Thanks, I picked them myself," he said cheekily, taking a swig from his bottle before handing it over to Jack. He started singing along and dancing. He wasn't the best singer being a dance student it was probably one of his worst skills but that didn't stop him from trying to sing along. "Come on, Jack. Shake that money maker," he insisted, wiggling his own ass in encouragement.

Jack took the bottle gratefully and drank a few gulps of the alcohol, relieved at the way it was loosening up. Jesse just wanted them to have fun, and Jack felt a little silly for being nervous. He set the bottle down on the desk and then smirked at Jesse, watching as he danced around the room, and he began bobbing along to the music as well, spinning around and looking at Jesse shyly from over his shoulder. He couldn't believe he was doing this. It was one thing to be dancing in a club, surrounded by people doing the same thing and loud music and darkness, but this seemed way more... intimate, in a way. There was nobody for Jack to hide behind in here, and nobody else watching him.

Jesse grinned, picking the bottle up off the desk and took a quick swig before setting it back down. He sauntered over to Jack and wrapped his arms around his neck, drawing him close. "That's better," he said with a large smirk, brushing his lips over Jack's before kissing him properly. Jack looked too nervous and there was a part of Jesse that told him Jack might not have done this before but he didn't care. If Jack didn't want this he wouldn't have come up here. That much was clear.

Jack watched carefully as Jesse approached him, and he inhaled a surprised breath as Jesse stood right in front of him, looking up into his eyes and wrapping his arms around his neck. His eyes fluttered closed when Jesse kissed him, tasting like rum and coke and peppermint, and his hands found their way to Jesse's waist as if they had minds of their own. When they parted, Jack smiled shyly and laughed a little, not moving away. "Sorry, I... I..." his voice slurred from the alcohol and he grinned lazily and then leaned down to kiss Jesse again, slightly clumsy and losing control of his body.

Jesse thought Jack was going to move away when he started speaking but instead he kissed him and Jesse knew his night wasn't about to be cut short. He deepened the kiss and pushed Jack back against the wall. "Don't be sorry, sugar," he said with a soft smile. He kissed him again, deep and slow before pulling away to move down Jack's neck to press rough, heated kisses to the skin.

Jack gasped in surprise as Jesse pushed him backwards, devouring his mouth and making Jack feel weak in the knees. It had been too long since he'd last kissed someone like this, and he was enjoying it even if he probably wouldn't remember it in the morning. He hummed softly and tangled one hand in Jesse's short brown hair, tilting his head back and sighing as Jesse's mouth worked quickly over his neck.

Jesse slid his hands down Jack's body and down to peel his shirt up and over his head. He took a moment to appreciate Jack's body before discarding his own shirt. He hoped backwards and peeled off his socks. He opened the door a crack and hung one from the doorknob for Castiel before shutting the door and grinned over at Jack. He led him back over to the bed and pushed him down, straddling his waist as he kissed him firmly.

Jack didn't have time to process what was happening, but he didn't care. He wanted this, wanted to get off with a guy who finds him attractive. For right now, they both wanted the same thing, even though Jack would probably regret doing this in the morning. But they were both shirtless and Jesse was pushing him backwards onto the bed and straddling him, keeping him pinned there with his lithe dancer's body, and Jack's hands wandered greedily over warm skin and muscle, too drunk and needy to be tentative. He tilted his head to the side to dislodge Jesse's mouth from his, breathing hard. "Jesse..." he panted, gripping his arms, "I... I don't normally do this,"

Jesse moved away just enough to look down and Jack with lust-filled eyes. "It's okay if you're a virgin," he assured, standing up to tug out of his pants before getting Jack out of his, attack his thighs with wet, rough kisses. "It's sorta a turn on," he added after a while, panting lightly. His hands wondering up Jack's body before he settled back on top of him, grinding their hips together.

Jack gazed up at Jesse, and the look in his eyes went straight to his cock. "I'm not a virgin," he said defensively, because it was true. His last boyfriend, back in the second year of high school, had been fond of topping, but Jack himself had never fucked anyone before. It was the longest relationship he'd ever been in and it hadn't exactly ended well for him, but he didn't want to think about that right now. "I'm just saying... ah, fuck, keep doing that... that I haven't done this in while." He managed to pant. Jesse was grinding their hips together with nothing between them but two layers of thin cotton boxers, and Jack slid his hands down Jesse's back and over his ass.

Jesse pouted. Jack had that innocent look to him that went straight his to his cock. Those bright wide eyes that looked curious and aroused. It was sort of a surprise he wasn't a virgin. He kissed him firmly, sliding his tongue against Jack's as he thrust his erection against Jack's thigh. "Okay. Just tell me what you want," he panted after a long time, almost at the edge just from this. He always got like this when he was drunk.

Jack moaned into the kiss, hot and wet, and wrapped one of his legs around Jesse's to keep him where he was and encourage him to move a little more to get that perfect friction they both needed. He arched up into Jesse's body and then clumsily ground up against him. "This is enough," he panted, "I'm so close already." He couldn't really be blamed; it had been over a year since he'd been with someone and it didn't take much to get him off, embarrassing as it was.

Jesse nodded and dipped his head down to kiss Jack again, quickening his pace to short, rough thrusts. Five minutes later and Jesse came in his boxers with a low grunt, his body collapsed against Jack's, forehead pressed against the sweaty skin of his shoulder. He was panting breathlessly and moved a hand absently down to Jack's boxers to rub against him to get him off too.

Jack was relieved and a little amused that he wasn't the one to come first, and the sight of the smaller man panting for breath and trembling, body going stiff as he reached his orgasm and then collapsed, limbs going lax, was nearly enough for Jack to come, but Jesse's hand expertly rubbing against him is what did it. He let out a strangled moan, body arching as he rode through the aftershocks of the orgasm and then sighed, breathing hard and relaxing as his hand rested lightly over Jesse's back.

Jesse was asleep before he had time to ask Jack to leave. He didn't like sticking around after and seeing as this was his room there wasn't much he could do about it. He wasn't big on commitment or relationships and the morning after was always an awkward thing and he preferred not to deal with it if he could help it.

Jack's head was spinning as he caught his breath. "Jesse?" He asked quietly, glancing over at him, but his heart sank when he saw that the other guy was already out cold. He sighed and debated getting up and going back to his own room down the hall, but decided it would take too much effort and he'd stay here and hope Jessie didn't mind. He fell asleep quickly with a small smile on his face, unable to believe that he'd gotten lucky on the first night of college, when he wasn't expecting it at all.

Jesse awoke in the morning to a weight pressed against his side. He moaned softly in annoyance and moved away, opening his eyes slowly. Jack was still here. He frowned in confusion and when he tried to sit up his head shifted and his headache began. He winced, rubbing his eyes and looked around the room. Castiel was still gone. God knows where, what he needed to find out, was how to get rid of Jack.

Jack woke up slightly when he felt Jesse moving around beside him, and he frowned and buried his face in the pillow, groaning quietly as the headache and nausea set in. Jesse was moving around and jostling the bed, and Jack didn't like it. He lifted his head up and squinted at the clock on Castiel's side of the room, and he realized it was only eight in the morning. He collapsed into the pillow again and sighed tiredly.

Jesse watched as Jack moved around a bit and sighed. He was gorgeous. It seemed a shame to throw him out. He was a pretty good lay. They'd been drunk and rubbed up against each other but Jesse was pretty sure he could get another two, maybe three goes out of him in the near future before they went their separate ways. But right now he needed him to leave. He poked his shoulder, trying to wake him. "Jack," he said quietly. "Come on, you've gotta go."

Jack opened his eyes again and frowned in confusion up at Jesse, feeling hurt. "Huh, why?" He asked in a rough, sleep-tinged voice. He'd just assumed it would make sense for him to stay there for the night, it would be easier than trying to find his way to his own room staggering drunk. He didn't think it would be a bit problem and he kind of wanted to stay the night, but clearly Jesse had other ideas. Jack sat up and swung his legs over the bed, looking at Jesse uncertainly.

"It's Saturday morning," he said with a shrug. "I've got stuff to do today," he lied, trying to be polite. "I'm sure you do too." He rubbed a hand through his hair and pulled his covers over his hips and sat back against the wall, wincing a little as his headache refused to die down. He'd look for aspirin later right now he just needed Jack to leave before he did something stupid like kiss him sober.

Jack was disappointed and hurt that Jesse wasn't following through; he'd been hoping it would be more than a one-night stand or casual hookups, but he'd been too optimistic, as usual. Jesse wasn't even touching him, hardly looking at him, and Jack felt cold and rejected. He guessed it had been too good to be true. "Alright," he said flatly, standing up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He picked up his pants off the floor and dug out the money he'd tried to give Jesse last night for the drink, and he placed it on the bed beside him. He felt used and discarded, and he wasn't planning on letting himself fall so quickly again. "See you later," he muttered, walking out of the room and not looking back. He didn't want Jesse to see how much this hurt him, or how weak and needy he really was.

Jesse stared at the money for what seemed like an eternity. Jack was so nice and he was being a royal douche. The least he could do was tell him. "Fuck," he grumbled, headache be damned as he quickly changed into his clothes which were scattered across the floor. He ran out the room barefooted but dressed and caught up with Jack. "Hey," he said, slightly out of breath. He took Jack's hand and put his money there, along with his number. "I had fun," he said sincerely. "I'll see you around, sugar," he winked before deciding to run back to his room before someone saw him or he made more of an ass out of himself than he already had.

Jack intended to keep walking straight to his own room and not slow down for anything, but he stopped reluctantly when Jesse chased after him and grabbed his hand. He looked down to see Jesse putting the money in his hand, along with a little scrap of paper, and he then glanced up to meet Jesse's eyes. Jack studied his face, and he seemed sincere but there was just something different about him, as if Jack was seeing him from a new perspective and his flaws were visible. Not as perfect as Jack had thought he would be. "So did I," he admitted, not smiling. He watched Jesse hurry away and disappear into his room, and then he sighed and opened the door to his own room. He collapsed on the bed and sighed tiredly. His roommate, Carlos, was still asleep and snoring lightly.

Jesse went back to bed after taking some aspirin. He hated moments like this. He usually hooked up with guys who knew what one-night stands were supposed to be. Jack was different. He'd been sweet and shy and Jesse just had to go for him. Now he felt like crap for doing so. It wasn't Jack's fault. It was his. It was just the way Jesse did things and he probably should have been less of a jerk and explained from the start what he'd expected out of this.

Jack laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling. His first night away from home and he'd already gotten drunk and slept in someone else's bed after having sex with them. He felt disgusted with himself and he was off to a very bad start. After today, things would be different. He wouldn't be so naive and stupid and he would not fall for guys like Jesse. All he wanted was someone who'd appreciate him for more than just sex.

Two weeks had gone by and Jesse had been with a few guys since then. He'd only had sex with one of them. The other few he'd made out with when he was drunk but that was about it. But only one guy stayed on his mind and that was Jack. He hadn't been able to get the look of disappointment on Jack's face that morning out of his mind. He hadn't seen the guy since but it didn't take long to track him down. He wanted to apologise for being such a jerk. Jesse rarely felt this guilty after spending a night with someone but there was something about Jack's tenderness that made Jesse think twice. He found Jack in the cafeteria and sat down beside him, pretending like they hadn't spent the last fortnight not talking to each other. "Hey, sugar. Hows it going?"

Jack wasn't ashamed to admit that he'd been avoiding Jesse. The guy had been a jerk to him and it had hurt to be treated like that, as if he were disposable. The worst part was that Jack had actually started to like him, and he wanted more than just a casual fuck but Jesse didn't follow through and only seemed to care about himself. And not to mention the fact that Jack had seen him, on occasion, making out with other guys, leading them away to his room just like he had to Jack. And it hurt that Jack was just one of many, not special in any way.

He flinched in surprise when Jesse came up out of nowhere and had the nerve to call him 'sugar' and sit right beside him at the table. "I'm not your 'sugar'," he said flatly, only sparing Jesse a quick, unimpressed glance as he continued to eat his sandwich. "Maybe you've forgotten, but my name's Jack. Not that difficult to remember, Jeffery." He knew it was stupid, but he was just trying to prove a point and he didn't know how else to do so.

Jesse winced a little a Jack bit his head off. He deserved that. "I know your name," he said softly, trying to make a peace between them. "Jesus, I know I'm shallow but I'm not.." a jerk. Please. If he was anything. It was a jerk. He sighed, running a hand through his hair and stared at Jack's hands instead of his face. "Listen. I was an asshole to you. You're sweet and caring and any guy would give his right arm to be with you," he said, feeling guilty, even if he didn't realize why just yet. "It's just..I can't do the whole..tender loving stuff," he said, cringing even as he said it. He didn't like to talk about this side of him but he owed Jack an apology. "It's not something I can do well. I should have told you that before. I'm..I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you should've let me know you only wanted to get me drunk and use me to get off." Jack said, glaring up at Jesse. "And maybe I shouldn't have been so stupid. Why did I let a guy I'd just met take me up to his room? I should've been more careful, but we learn from our mistakes." He felt good about this, standing up for himself like he hadn't done enough in the past. He leaned forward a little bit and dropped the rest of his sandwich on the tray, staring straight into Jesse's eyes and not giving away any emotion whatsoever. "And believe me, I definitely learned from this one." He stood up and picked up his plate, striding away to the dish return and trying not to break down.

Jesse's eyes widened as Jack walked away. He'd apologized. He should feel better, right? Any anger Jack felt towards him shouldn't bother him. He'd said his bit. His guilt should be gone. So why was he still thinking about this? It was another week later when Jesse decided that sleeping around wasn't going to help solve this. He needed to get Jack in his good books. He spent the next week sending Jack notes under his door. About his feelings and how he couldn't stop thinking about him. Eventually after two weeks of no contact, Jesse gave up, leaving a rose on Jack's door with a label which simply read 'sorry'.

Jack wasn't going to give in so easily this time. The first time he'd found a little note by the door, he'd barely read it before crumpling it up and tossing it away. But later that day, when he came back to his room, he reluctantly picked it up and read it again, smoothing out the edges. He felt torn inside and didn't know what to do, but the ache of what Jesse had done was still there and he wasn't ready to forgive him. This happened many more times and Jack kept all of the notes, keeping them in an envelope in his sock drawer, but he still refused to speak to Jesse because he couldn't believe that all the notes were saying was true, that Jesse really felt that way. He'd said he didn't do relationships, and Jack seriously doubted Jesse was being honest about wanting to be with him and changing his ways, because Jack was nothing special, not worth all this trouble. When he found the rose on his door, the only thing that came to mind was defeat. Jesse had given up and Jack had won, so why did he feel like a jerk?

Jesse didn't get out of bed all day. Castiel was at rehearsals and had lectures until six so he wouldn't be back for a while anyway but Jesse just felt so lost and defeated. He'd spent such a long time, trying not to go back down this road and yet he couldn't stop thinking about Jack. He wanted to get to know him and run as far away as he could at the same time. He felt lost. He needed closure or something because this was driving him crazy. He hugged his pillow, curling up on himself and sighed unhappily.

That evening, Jack took a deep breath and walked slowly to Jesse and Castiel's room. He didn't know what exactly he was going to do, and he hoped Castiel wasn't there to witness Jack make a fool of himself if this went badly. The door was closed and it was silent in the room, and Jack swallowed thickly and then knocked on the door. "Jesse? It's Jack. Can I come in?"

Jesse must have fallen asleep because when he awoke there was someone at the door. Castiel still wasn't back. He'd taken to Skyping Dean outside when Jesse was here just for a little time away from it all. Jesse slid off his bed, hair tussled everywhere, he opened the door with bleary eyes which he refused to accept came from his previous crying session. Jesse did not cry. "Jack," he said, voice rough and broken. He didn't say anything else. He let Jack into his room, not wanting people to walk passed and watch him be humiliated.

Jack looked Jesse up and down in confusion, taking in the rumpled pajama pants and tee shirt, messy hair, red swollen eyes, and unhappy expression. He walked into the room and closed the door behind him, and then put his hand on Jesse's arm to guide him back over to his bed, because he looked like complete shit. Jack sat down on the bed beside him, leaving some distance between them, and looked over at Jesse. He looked like he'd been crying, or maybe he was just sick. Either way, he looked awful. "Are you alright?" He asked quietly.

Jesse was a bit surprised when Jack tentatively set him down on the bed. Even after the way he'd treated him he was still so considerate and sweet. "No," he whispered, shaking his head. "I just..I need you to know how sorry I am. This past month..it's been driving me crazy. I can't stop thinking about you, Jack. You haven't replied to any of my notes." He sighed, running a hand through his hair, trying to fix it. "I just need you to know I'm sorry."

Jack sighed and picked absently at a fray on his jeans. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about," he said, "I just... It's weird for me. I honestly can't figure out why you haven't given up on me yet, because there's a ton of other guys who'd be much better than me and also a lot more willing to be in a relationship." He looked up at Jesse uncertainly. "I'm sorry too," he murmured, "I didn't think you'd be like this after what happened. But... this isn't one of those things where you want me because you can't have me, is it?" Jack still didn't trust Jesse, but he was beginning to let his guard down a little bit.

Jesse bit his lip looking down at his hands in his lap. "I don't deserve you, Jack. You're like a giant teddy bear. You're kind and considerate and just perfect." Jesse shook his head a little. "I didn't give up because you deserve better. I'm not trying to get into your pants or anything. I just wanted to clear the air between us because what I did was disgusting and I feel so guilty. I couldn't just leave things like that." He looked up a little when Jack asked about relationships. "I.." he swallowed thickly. "No. I want you but I don't deserve you. I..I want you but I can't go through..I can't do relationships."

Jack rubbed a hand through his hair absently and looked around the room, blushing deeply. He still couldn't really believe that someone like Jesse was actually interested in him, actually wanted him. "I... I'm not anything special, Jesse," he warned, "You'd probably get bored of me anyway. I'm about as far from perfect as you can get." Jack wasn't ready to share his past with anyone just yet, and he hoped Jesse wouldn't ask. But it seemed like Jesse also had problems that made him hate relationships. Finally, he sighed and met Jesse's eyes. "I'll give you another chance," he said carefully, "But I want to get to know you first. And I want commitment if we're going to do this again."

Jesse swallowed thickly and looked up at Jack with wide eyes. "Jack..I.." His voice was quiet and scared. "I can commit," he said finally, determination and slight hurt in his voice. "It's whether you're willing to do the same." He stared at Jack hard for a moment before shaking his head. "I won't get hurt again. Not by you or anyone else in this dump. I..just.." He shut his mouth, dry swallowing. "Don't think just because you're gorgeous means you have the right to string me along."

Jack bit his lip and watched Jesse. He wished he knew what happened to make Jesse like this but it wouldn't be a good idea to ask him. He looked scared, and hurt, and Jack just wished he knew why. "Why me?" He asked, his voice trembling slightly. "Why is it me? I saw you kissing other guys after we slept together, and I'm assuming you slept with them too, am I right? And you don't even have a right to be feeling hurt right now because all I was doing was protecting _myself _from getting hurt."

Jesse looked back down at his hands, feeling guilty and stupid and everything he'd done was wrong. "I only went home with one of them," he said quietly. "Barely got passed making out before I told him to leave. It felt...wrong. It..It.." Jesse stopped and looked up at Jack cautiously. "He wasn't you," he said quietly. "I want..I want to be with you, Jack but I'm afraid. I..relationships have never gone well for me and I deluded myself into thinking I could get over you. But I can't. I've known you barely more than a few days over this past month and all I can think about is you."

Jack didn't know what to say to that. This side of Jesse was unexpected and so different from the way he presented himself to other people, so Jack knew that he was being honest with him and not pretending to be someone else. Jack hesitantly reached out a hand to close the cold distance between them and hold Jesse's hand. "Let's just start over and pretend the past month never happened," he suggested, giving Jesse a small smile. "Hi, I'm Jack Murphy. I'm majoring in music and I'm from New York. Nice to meet you."

Jesse's breath hitched as Jack took his hand. "Hey Jack," he smiled softly, feeling tears well up. Dammit. He never let people see this side of him. He felt so pathetic. He wiped his face with his free hand, trying to compose himself a little. "I'm Jesse Davies. I'm majoring in theatre and I'm from Toronto. Although don't let the accent fool ya. I am Canadian."

Jack bit his lip, smiling softly as Jesse's eyes teared up. Jack knew that this was important to Jesse, and he was being honest and open with him. They needed to do this before things went any farther between them, because they'd been off to a bad start and jumped into things too quickly, which neither of them could handle. They literally knew nothing about each other, and this was the chance to learn. Jack smiled in relief and squeezed Jesse's hand gently, not letting go just yet. "Canada, eh?" He teased gently, trying to earn a smile.

Jesse gave Jack a side glance but smiled a little anyway. "Yeah. He my mom's canadian but she's from Winnipeg. We moved over to Toronto when dad became a part of this long running TV show about five years ago," he explained with a soft shrug. He looked down at their hands and let out a small, shaky breath. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that," he said, frowning. "I never talk about my dad. People get the wrong impression and try to be my friend just because I know someone famous."

Jack shrugged a little. "I don't watch much TV. Chances are I probably won't even know who your dad is." He looked up at Jesse curiously and then moved so he was sitting cross-legged on the bed facing him. He was still holding Jesse's hand lightly, enough so that Jesse could pull away if he wanted to. "I wanna know about you," he said shyly, "What's your family like? What do you enjoy doing? Favorite food, favorite color, everything."

Jesse looked curiously at Jack. Face blank. "Are you sure?" he asked curiously. No one had ever asked him that before. Not like this anyway. His friends had asked questions similar but that was different. This felt more intimate. The point on knowing his favourite color and food wasn't so he could bake him something. It was just for the purpose of knowing. That scared him a little. "I..don't really know how to answer that," he said suddenly, mind going blank. "No one's asked me before."


	61. Chapter 61

Jack licked his lips thoughtfully. "How about I make it easy on you? I'll start." He thought for a moment before saying, "I have a little sister, she's fourteen and her name is Natalie. I have a dog named Louie, a golden retriever. My parents' names are Jillian and Timothy. My mom is a music teacher at an elementary school and my dad owns a hardware store. My favorite food is chicken with pesto and pasta." He was saying the simple things, not wanting to get into his problematic past with relationships and family just yet.

Jesse nodded and listened carefully as Jack spoke. It seemed simple enough. Talking like this but it was all the little things about relationships that scared him. He was afraid to get to emotionally connected only to have his heart ripped out. Again. "I love pesto," Jesse said, not sure what else to say. "Especially with the twist pasta and bacon and melted cheese. God that stuff is amazing." There was a pause as Jesse realized they were still holding hands but didn't let go, merely stared at them. "Well..my family..it's just me and my dad now," he said with a small shrug, not wanting to talk about it. "He's an actor, as I said..um..no pets. Not much of anything really. Just the shadow of my dad's fame hanging over me."

Jack was stunned at the sadness of Jesse's life, and he wondered just how much he'd been hiding behind that easy smile and confident attitude of his. He didn't know what to say about Jesse's feelings towards his dad, because there was clearly some conflict there that Jesse wasn't comfortable sharing just yet. There was another extended pause, and then Jack just blurted the first thing that came to his mind. "I broke my arm when I was eight. I was riding my bike down a hill and the front wheel got caught on a rock and I went flying off."

Jesse looked bemused, staring up at Jack before chuckling lightly. "I did the same thing only on rollerblades," Jesse admitted, feeling a little more comfortable with Jack. Talking about less serious stories. "Only 'cause they were still on my feet I kept falling over when I tried to stand up." He laughed a little in remembrance. He let go of Jack's hand so he could sit up at the top of the bed and lean against the wall.

Jack laughed a little and settled back against the wall as well, keeping a little distance between himself and Jesse but still facing him. They were just having a casual, friendly conversation, getting to know one another in a comfortable setting. "So, when did you start dancing? You must be pretty good if you made it into the theatre dance league here."

Jesse shrugged. "I guess," he said non-commitedly. "But I mean, my dad got me in here. I don't really feel like I've proved myself yet, y'know?" He sighed, leaning back against the wall before leaning over Jack to pick up his laptop from the nightstand. He put on some music and set it down to the minimum volume just so the place wasn't completely quiet. His room was unpacked now. His side of the wall covered in scraps of paper he'd doodled on and a few band posters. He didn't have much. He didn't like being one of those rich kids that had everything. What he had he'd paid for himself. The most expensive item he owned was his computer.

Jack watched and held still as Jesse reached over him to get his laptop and play some music, and he took the opportunity to look around Jesse's room. It looked kind of barren but personal, with a few random clothes strewn around, plain bedding, and a few posters and drawings on the wall. "That's tough," he said sympathetically, not knowing how else to respond to that. "I'm sorry it's like that. But I guess at college you kind of have a chance to discover yourself and break free from your family a little, right?" That was one of the biggest reliefs of moving away from home, in Jack's opinion. He felt free.

Jesse nodded. "Yeah. It's nice. I like it here," he said with a small smile. "What about you? You said you live in New York. Is it weird still being so close to your family?" Jesse let his hand rest between them, unsure if Jack still wanted to hold his hand or whether that was just for comfort earlier. Jesse just knew he wanted to hold it again, feel something warm and solid after feeling so alone these last couple of weeks.

Jack noticed the subtle movement of Jesse's hand onto the bed between them, and he took it as an invitation and slowly slid his hand across the comforter until their fingers touched, and he rested his hand lightly over Jesse's. "My family lives way upstate, so it's about a six hour drive down here. I wanted to go somewhere farther away but I couldn't because of my sister, and six hours is kind of pushing it. But I could always catch a flight back home if there was an emergency."

Jesse nodded in understanding and carefully laced their fingers together enough to squeeze the other's hand. "What's wrong with your sister?" he asked gently, not wanting to push Jack. He looked concerned and upset about it and Jesse didn't want to make things worse. He squeezed Jack's hand again for support before shaking his head. "It's okay. You don't have to tell me. I'm just being a nosy ass like usual."

Jack squeezed Jesse's hand gratefully and looked down at their intwined fingers for a moment, trying to decide whether or not he should tell Jesse. Finally, he swallowed and began talking, but didn't look up. "She's five years younger than me," he began, "And my uncle, my dad's brother, used to watch her during the daytime when she was little, when I was at school and my parents were at work. Everything seemed fine at first, but then she started crying and whimpering whenever Dad came near her and she wouldn't let him touch her, and nobody could figure out why. Then one night, when Dad was away on a business trip, Natalie woke up screaming and crying, and my mom asked her what was scaring her and all she said was Uncle Larry." Jack sighed sadly and looked up at Jesse hesitantly. "My little sister was sexually abused by my uncle for almost two years. She couldn't have been more than five when it started."

Jesse could only look at Jack with wide eyes, swallowing thickly. "Jesus, Jack," he breathed, not sure what to say. He squeezed his hand firmly, trying to keep connected to the other. "I'm so sorry," he said after a long silence. "Did..your uncle get arrested? Is she safe now?" he asked. He probably should have stopped talking about it but he wanted to make sure Jack would be okay away from his family and that he was here to support him any way he could.

Jack was breathless, he couldn't believe he'd just told somebody about Natalie. Most people, even his closest friends back home, didn't know about it and he'd just told someone he barely knew. But it was relief that washed over him, sending his heart rushing with adrenaline. He looked up with a shaky smile and nodded. "Yeah, he's in state prison for a minimum of twenty years. Natalie's... she's not really okay, though. It's been kind of touch and go with her for a while, I mean.. she's been seeing a therapist for years and she's on medications but it doesn't really stop everything, you know?" He paused and inhaled deeply, tightening his grip on Jesse's hand. "She's been hospitalized eight times since it happened, six for attempted suicide and two for anorexia-related problems. She's very traumatized from what Uncle Larry did to her."

Jesse let go of Jack's hand and wrapped his arms around the other, bringing him close to his chest. He didn't know if he'd appreciate the embrace but Jesse felt helpless about all this. He'd never been good with this sort of thing. Opening up and being vulnerable. It was hard. He didn't know how to deal with it so all he could do was hold onto Jack in the hopes of comforting him. "Jack, I'm so sorry," he whispered. "That must be a hard thing to go through."

Jack closed his eyes against the threat of tears and let himself be wrapped up in Jesse's arm. He rested his head on Jesse's shoulder and let out a shaky exhale, wrapping his arms around Jesse in gratitude. He wasn't used to this, getting affection and comfort from other people, because it was always his sister people worried about and fussed over, with good cause. Jack was Natalie's closest friend and while it had been a huge relief to get out of his house and away from his parents, it was harder to leave Natalie behind by herself. "She's covered in scars, Jesse," he whispered dazedly, "All over her arms, hands, stomach, legs, even a few on her face. She hates everything about herself."

Jesse bit his lip, hesitantly rubbing Jack's back, unsure what to do. This felt way too intimate and he wasn't sure what to do. He didn't want to get sucked in too soon. He didn't want to be used and hurt again. But seeing Jack like this, it was hard to imagine him breaking his heart like the other's had done. "Come on," he said, patting Jack's shoulder twice before moving away gently. He got off the bed and rummaged through his desk, taking out a few sheets of paper and a pen. He sat down with Jack and started drawing a butterfly in the top hand corner of the page. The at the top he wrote, "Dear Natalie," Jesse started down at the page and smiled a little at Jack. "Alright sugar, tell me about her," he said gently. He wanted to make Jack feel good and notes and letters were the only way he knew how.

Jack bit his lip and watched curiously as Jesse moved away and got some paper and began writing on it, and he smiled, something in his heart shifting at what Jesse was doing. His eyes were stinging with unshed tears, but he was smiling, and he pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. "Natalie's beautiful, she always was even though she doesn't think she is. She's small and naturally thin, but her weight changes a lot because sometimes she stops eating. She has long blond hair and she loves playing piano, and she rides horses at our grandfather's farm. On her good days, she's happy and fun to be around. Her favorite season is winter, and she loves thunderstorms."

Jesse listened to Jack and nodded, writing Natalie a letter. He knew she wouldn't know who he was but maybe that was the point. Having stranger tell her that she was amazing might just put a smile on her face, even if it was for a second. He wrote about how she was brave enough to face thunderstorms when he himself was petrified of them. Told her he'd love to hear her play and that he would be taking care of her older brother if she made sure to be around for when he came back to share the winter with her. He drew a few more butterflies and told her to draw them on her skin whenever she felt the urge to cut herself. That's when Jesse started to choke up, old memories getting to him. He cleared his throat and finished the letter before folding it up and handed it to Jack without looking at him. "She sounds lovely," he said, voice small as his throat closed up.

Jack watched Jesse write the letter. He wasn't reading it, just watching the movement of the pen over the paper and letting it calm him. He took the letter when Jesse handed it back to him. "She is lovely," he agreed softly, placing it off to the side so he'd remember to take it and send it to her. "Thank you, Jesse." He looked at Jesse for a moment, just trying to understand what was going on between them. They'd only been speaking for about an hour and yet already Jesse knew him better than most. Jack noticed the way Jesse seemed to have closed off a little, avoiding his eyes and speaking in quiet, forced tones, and he reached for Jesse's hand again, gently holding it and not saying anything.

Jesse closed his eyes as Jack took his hand again and he inhaled deeply, breathing out shakily as he tried to keep it together. When he felt comfortable enough, he turned back to Jack with a timid smile. He hated being like this. He was afraid Jack would hate him for being himself, all open and pathetic. "S'okay, sugar," he said with what he hoped was a smile. "Just wanna do what I can."

Jack gently stroked his thumb over the back of Jesse's hand in soothing little patterns and looked down in embarrassment. "Sorry, you probably didn't really want to hear all of that," he apologized awkwardly, "I didn't mean to just dump all my problems on you like that when we were just talking." Clearly, something that Jack had said triggered something in Jesse and made him look like this, like he was reliving every nightmare he'd ever had and just barely keeping himself together.

Jesse shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said, squeezing Jack's hand. "I should be comforting you. It takes a lot of trust to tell someone something like that. I'm glad you told me." There was a pause, a long one, before Jesse continued. "But..it brought up some stuff for me. About my mom. I haven't thought about it in a long time. It's just a bit of a shock. I'm sorry."

"I can't really believe I told you all of that," he murmured, "I don't just... I don't like talking about it, it's a personal family thing and I don't know why I told you, it just kind of happened. Thank you for listening." He held Jack's hand and watched him closely, wishing he knew his face well enough to know when he was hiding something, or sad about something. "You can tell me if you want," he offered, "I just told you all my problems without even asking if you wanted to hear them first. You don't have to be afraid to tell me."

Jesse swallowed thickly and nodded. "My mom..she was a self-harmer too," he said, voice quiet and rough with the effort it took to speak. "She..she wasn't well. Growing up. We..we didn't know." He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Dad said I helped. Having a child helped her to concentrate on something but..her mental illness just got worse as I grew older, started acting out. It..it was my fault she.." He started crying then, biting his lip as he held Jack's hand tightly. "I should have been a better son. She might still be here," he sobbed, shaking his head. "She might not have taken my brother with her." He looked up at Jack with scared eyes. The same scared eyes conveyed through his fifteen year old self. "I killed my mom and brother because I was too busy to pick up the phone and help." He let out a shaky breath, running a hand over his face. "She drove the car into the river, drowning them both because I wasn't there for her. I was out of my head on weed, I..I picked up the phone and stated laughing whilst she had a mental breakdown on the other end. I..I pushed her over the edge. I..I did this to her."

The look in Jesse's eyes was haunted and terrified and Jack didn't like it. He'd only ever seen the same look in his sister's eyes and he didn't hesitate in pulling Jesse close, returning the comfort he'd given him earlier. Jesse was small enough to fit into his arms well, and Jack just held him close to his chest in a warm embrace. Jesse was sobbing brokenly and Jack was felt lost. Natalie was the only one he'd ever comforted like this, and he didn't know how to do it for Jesse. So he decided to tell Jesse the same thing he always told Natalie. "It's not your fault," he murmured softly, rubbing Jesse's back. "You're not to blame for what happened, it was out of your control. Not your fault."

Jesse crumpled into Jack's arms, resting his head against his chest. It was a long time until he'd calmed down enough to talk again. He'd never cried like this before. He'd always refused to. A past boyfriend had tried to get him to open up like this but it felt forced and wrong and he wasn't comfortable doing so. He barely knew Jack and he felt comfortable enough to tell him these things and feel like he won't run away because of it. "Thank you," he whispered, looking up at Jack with a soft expression. He kissed him chastely without thinking. It was just a peck but it changed everything. Jesse wasn't good at talking about stuff and his feelings. So he tried physical contact, forgetting Jack probably wasn't comfortable with that.

Jack just held Jesse through it until his breathing calmed down, and he looked at him in concern. His breath hitched a little at the look on Jesse's face, as if he were at peace and completely comfortable, and then he kissed Jack, which was unexpected. Jack blinked in surprise and then kissed him back just as gently before pulling him into another hug that didn't last as long. When he pulled back to look at Jesse again, he stroked his hand over Jesse's cheek lightly before pulling away shyly. "Are you alright now?" He asked.

When Jack kissed him back, he didn't know what to think. It'd been a while since he dated or anything that wasn't a quick/string of fucks. He didn't know how to act. "Yeah," he said with a small nod, wiping his eyes. "I'm sorry you had to see that. I'm not usually like this," he said quietly, sniffing a little. "I just haven't met someone who..wants to listen to me."

Jack and Jesse spent the rest of the evening sitting on Jesse's bed just talking, and when Castiel came back all three of them watched TV. Jack said goodnight to them both a few hours later and headed to bed feeling lighter than he had in ages, and it was all because somebody else knew about the weight he was carrying, somebody understood him.

Two months later, in the beginning of December, the college students were all looking forward to going home for a month for vacation. Jack was dreading seeing his parents, because he hadn't exactly left on a good note and hadn't even spoken with them in months. But he was excited to see Natalie. He still hadn't sent the letter Jesse had written all that time ago, he wanted to give it to her in person and see her reaction to it.

Jesse headed back to Toronto to an empty house. His dad was shooting in Rome for a film over the holidays but he didn't mind. They didn't get on well anyways. He'd said his goodbyes to Jack, it was a little awkward though. They kissed like a real couple, like the kiss would be their last but Jesse didn't even know if they were boyfriends. It felt like it sometimes but Jesse wasn't sure he was ready for that. Perhaps being away from Jack would help him come to terms with what they were.

Castiel, meanwhile had headed home. Three months away from his Dean had been torturous. He didn't tell Dean he was coming home a day early and snuck back home and into the house on a Saturday night. He wasn't even sure if Dean was home, it was late and Jimmy was already in bed. He saw Sam still up playing video games on the couch and he huffed, crossing his arms. "That's no way to welcome me home," he pouted, wondering where Dean was.

Sam was having a late night and playing video games by himself downstairs in the dark, and when he heard an unexpected voice from behind him he leaped off the couch and crashed to the ground clumsily, yelping in surprise. He scrambled to his feet and held the game controller up like a weapon only to see Cas standing there pouting at him. He blinked in disbelief, heart pounding, and then grinned, running his hand through his hair. "Jesus, you scared the hell out of me!" He exclaimed breathlessly, walking over to Cas and enveloping him in a tight hug. "You're back early!"

Castiel chuckled, hugging Sam tightly and enjoying the warmth of the embrace. He'd forgotten just how much he'd missed his brother's presence until now. "Thought I'd catch an earlier flight. Surprise Dean," he said with a grin. He looked around expectantly but it didn't look like he had been playing video games with Sam. "Where is he anyways?" he asked with a giddy grin, just desperate to see his boy.

"He got a job at the bar in town waiting tables and he's there right now working the late shift, he usually gets back around one in the morning." Sam glanced over at the clock and saw that it was half past twelve already. He smiled excitedly at Cas. "He's gonna be so happy to see you, he's been talking about you nonstop all week. Not that he doesn't do that all the time, but he's really excited, Cas. He says you guys are going to have a small wedding with just the three of us and then he's apparently got something special planned for afterwards but he won't tell me what it is."

Castiel nodded, looking at the clock as well. He smiled at Sam and patted his shoulder. "Yeah, it's gonna be great. Listen, I'm gonna go down there and surprise him. I'll see you in the morning, alright?" Castiel didn't want to hang around. He had to go see Dean and now. He got on his bike, taking a moment to get used to her again before speeding off into town. He remembered Dean talking about his new job a while back and found the bar pretty easily. He went inside and spotted Dean, grinning idiotically. When Dean was on his way back to the bar he tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me sir, can I have a glass of red wine and a long hard screw?" He couldn't help but wear a large smug smile, waiting for Dean's reaction.

Dean was exhausted after a long, busy Saturday night shift, but things were starting to calm down a little bit and his shift was almost over. He just wanted to go home and sleep, although he knew he probably wouldn't be able to fall asleep because of the excitement of finally seeing Cas again tomorrow. He looked at the clock for the fourth time in five minutes and tucked another tip into his pocket, given to him by a table of pretty girls who were obviously checking him out and flirting and he did it right back but not too much, just hoping for more tips. If he were Cas, all he'd have to do is thrust his hips and it'd be raining dollar bills. He walked back to the bar and set the tray of empty glasses on the counter to be cleaned up, and when someone tapped his shoulder, accompanied by his favorite voice in the world, he whirled around in surprised delight to see Cas standing there in front of him. He grinned widely and grabbed him, pulling him close for a tight hug. "Cas, what are you doing here?!" He exclaimed, pulling back a little and cupping Castiel's face, not giving him a chance to answer before he kissed him hard.

Castiel couldn't get over the look of joy on Dean's face. He couldn't stop smiling into their kiss and held onto Dean for dear life. "I got an earlier flight. I missed you," he said, breathless from the kiss. He looked Dean up and down appreciatively. They'd spoken on Skype but seeing Dean in person, he could see how healthy he looked. A year had really changed him and for the better. He looked amazing. His nose had healed and you could barely see the small scar there. He kissed Dean again, pushing him back against the bar, not caring if Dean was on duty. According to Sam he was almost finished anyways.

Dean laughed happily as Cas pushed him against the bar and kept kissing him, and he never wanted to stop. This was perfect, everything Dean had been missing since August when Cas had left. Dean wanted nothing more than to just put his hands all over Castiel's skin, kiss every inch of him and make him moan Dean's name, make up for all the time they'd been apart. It was almost Christmas, and they were getting married a few days after the holiday. Dean couldn't be happier, but he reluctantly pushed Cas away and looked around sheepishly to make sure his boss wasn't watching. "Cas, I only have like fifteen minutes left," he said, "I have to finish up here and after than I'm all yours, alright? Just... go sit over there and try not to be too distracting," he smirked.

Castiel pouted, grinding his hips subtly against Dean's. "Such a meanie," he pouted. "I'll be outside," he said, needing a smoke anyway. He kissed Dean again briefly before heading out into the cold to light up. The bar wasn't far from the club and being a saturday he was sure they'd still be open. He was tempted to go and say hello but decided against it. Tonight was about Dean and no one else. He'd be good and see them another day. One where they were less busy too. He spent ten minutes smoking, taking his time with each drag as he tried to calm his nerves, being way too giddy about seeing Dean again. Three months was a long time to be away from home and now he was coming back to make Dean his husband. He couldn't be happier.

The last fifteen minutes of Dean's shift dragged by even slower than they had been before, but finally he was done and clocked out, hanging up his apron and collecting his tips, and he ran out of there so quickly he nearly knocked a man over. He put his leather jacket on as he stepped outside, his breath clouding the air around his head. He spotted Cas standing against the brick wall and he went over to him, grabbing the front of Castiel's shirt and pushing him to the wall to devour his mouth and press up against his body. "Do you know," a deep, wet kiss, "How many times," a nip to Castiel's lower lip, "I've woken up hard," a thigh sliding between Castiel's, "dreaming of doing this?" He slid his hand up Castiel's shirt and then tugged his hair to get Cas to tip his head back and suck and kiss over his neck, needing the heat and the sounds Castiel made."

Castiel had just stubbed out his cigarette when Dean came outside and pressed him up against the wall, swallowing his tiny gasps as he devoured his mouth. "Fuck," let out breathlessly, tugging at Dean where he could. "Fuck Dean," he gasped when Dean slid his knee between his legs, rubbing his leg against his crotch. He was already half hard and at Dean's command. "I can imagine," he managed to say between desperate kisses. Both of them clutching to one another as if they'd disappear if they didn't. He bucked his hips against Dean's leg, grinding against him. He bit his lip and looked around but no one could see them. "W-What would you do?" he asked, pupils dilating as he let out broken pants.

"Everything," Dean moaned, panting into Castiel's mouth and sliding his fingers over defined abdominal muscles, Castiel's skin warm against his hand. He shuddered in desperation at the way Cas was moving against him, and he was already getting hard and he could feel Cas too, and he glanced around to make sure there was nobody nearby, "Should we..." he hesitated for a brief moment and then grinned. "Ah, fuck it. C'mere." He pulled Cas closer, kissing deep into his mouth and fumbling with Castiel's pants. "I'd do this," he explained, lowering himself down onto his knees and looking up at Cas with a sexy grin, licking his lips. He unzipped Castiel's pants and mouthed at Castiel's cock through his boxers, looking up at him as he pressed chaste kisses along the length of Cas. "I want to taste you, Cas," he moaned, running his hands up and down Castiel's denim-covered, muscular thighs. Snow was soaking into his knees, but Dean didn't care.

Castiel's eyes widened as Dean dropped to his knees and started mouthing at his boxers. "Fuck me!" he gasped, covering a hand over his mouth and looked around cautiously. There was no one here but it didn't stop him from blushing. They were really going to do this. It was quite possibly one of the hottest things Castiel had ever experienced. His other hand went into Dean's hair and petted him a little whilst Dean sucked him off. "Fuck," he groaned, tilting his head back and resting it against the brick wall.

Dean grinned and took Castiel into his mouth, teasing at the head first and then swallowing him as deep as he could, hollowing his cheeks and sucking. Dean moaned at the feeling of doing this again, and he put his hands on Castiel's hips to steady himself as he increased the pace and intensity, not once looking away from Castiel's face. Small, choked moans escaped Dean's throat with every movement, and he loved the sounds Cas was making. He was so turned on and he hadn't even been touched yet, but Castiel's pleasure was fucking sexy.

"Oh God," Castiel breathed. Dean had barely touched him and he could already feel his arousal drawing close. He tugged at Dean's hair and watched as Dean looked back up at him with sinfully innocent eyes as he sucked his cock. "Dean..I'm..close," he managed to say through gritted teeth, trying to hold back so Dean wouldn't choke as he came. He moaned loud enough for somebody to hear as he gripped Dean's hair and came suddenly, legs turning to jelly as he leant back against the wall to try and keep himself from falling over.

Dean kept sucking in earnest and Cas came in his mouth, which Dean swallowed and then licked his lips and wiped his hand over his mouth before standing up and kissing Cas slow and hot so he could taste himself in Dean's mouth. "God, Cas," he groaned breathlessly, panting hot breaths into the night air and carefully zipping up Castiel's jeans back up to protect him from the chilly air. Dean was still hard, and he ground against Castiel's thigh desperately. "Cas, touch me," he pleaded, tangling his fingers in Castiel's hair and dropping his forehead to rest on Castiel's shoulder as he continued to grind against him.

Castiel was panting harshly when Dean's mouth was suddenly on his, forcing him to taste himself on his tongue. He groaned and slid his hands down Dean's back to cup his ass, pulling him close to grind harshly against him. "Be a good boy for me, Dean," he growled in Dean's ear as he sucked on the lobe. "Come in your pants for me." He slid his hand between them to grope at Dean's bulge, stroking him through the fabric as he continued to nip and suck on his ear.

"Oh, oh _fuck," _Dean groaned, his voice breathy. He felt hot all over and his body was taught with desire, every muscle tensed and aching with need. Cas barely had to touch him before Dean was coming in his boxers with a cry muffled in Castiel's neck. When the aftershocks died down, Dean sagged against Castiel and wrapped his arms around him, holding him and trying to steady his breathing. "I love you," he whispered, suddenly on the verge of bursting with emotion rather than desire.

As soon as Dean came and slumped against him, he smiled contently and wrapped an arm around his waist, holding them both up. He kissed Dean's forehead and kept him close. "I love you, too," he whispered breathlessly. He patted Dean's ass and got him to move off of him before he crushed him against the wall. "Come on, love. Let's go home. I'll meet you there, okay?" He kissed Dean again, this time slow and tender and walked over to his bike, assuming Dean had come in his car.

Dean smiled softly and cupped his face gently, staring into those beautiful blue eyes that took his breath away. He kissed him once more and then walked away to his car, smiling the whole way home. He beat Cas there and found Sam sitting on the couch playing video games. The poor kid looked half-asleep, and Dean walked over to him and ruffled his hair, taking the controller out of his hand and switching the TV off. "Sammy, I told you not to wait up for me," he scolded gently, "You need to get some sleep, you had a long day." Sam rubbed his eyes. "Dean, Cas came back!" Dean smiled softly and nodded. "I know, I saw him already. He's on his way here, should get here in like two minutes."

Castiel was grinning the whole way home and once he got there he saw Dean telling Sam excitedly that he was home. He sat down on the couch and pulled Dean into his lap. His other arm wrapped around Sam and he kissed both their foreheads in turn. "It's good to be back to," he said with a grin. "I've missed you guys like crazy." He couldn't stop smiling. He was just so happy. He was here at Christmas with his little family and his soon to be husband.

Dean willingly sat down in Castiel's lap and hugged him tightly, not even caring that he still had a mess in his pants and it was probably obvious that they'd just had sex in an alley. Dean snuggled up to Cas and rested his head on his chest, smiling widely. Dean was actually trembling with happiness, and he kissed Castiel's cheek and gazed up at him with a warm smile. "Missed you too, baby." he said, and Sam was smiling softly at both of them, eyes tired.

Castiel grinned, stroking Dean's hair soothingly. "So...this wedding," he said curiously. "Do I get to know what's happening or am I to be surprised on the day?" he asked, looking between them. They hadn't discussed it much. Only the date and the fact that Dean 'had it under control'. He didn't mind not being involved in the plans. It was only a simple thing between the three of them, there wasn't much to prepare anyway so he was okay with Dean organizing everything.

Dean nodded and leaned into the touch of Castiel's hand on his hair. "Yeah, everything's set. It's on December 9th at that old cathedral downtown, where Sammy and I were baptised. And the priest who's officiating the vows and everything knew my mother really well. And I figured we'd be wearing tuxedos, unless you wanted to wear a pretty white dress. Sam is going to be the best man and maid of honor, yes, Samantha, we discussed this, and we decided not to hire a photographer. Sammy's going to take pictures of both of us, and after the thing we'll get pictures of all three of us. Sam bought me a new camera because he's an awesome brother, so we'll use that. It takes really good pictures, I've been playing around with it a little bit."

Castiel nodded in understanding and nuzzled up against Dean. "Sounds amazing," he said with a soft voice. "Although if I remember correctly you should be the one in the dress. You still owe me that, mister," he teased. His smile subsided after a short silence and he cleared his throat a little and looked down at Dean, playing with his hair. "And..do you wanna see your mom after? We don't have to if you don't want to. I just thought..after what we talked about in Paris you might still want to go talk to her? Give her some flowers."

Dean laughed and nosed against Castiel's jaw playfully, tangling their fingers together. He'd missed this so much, just being able to touch and kiss Cas whenever he wanted, and now that he could again he never wanted to stop. At the mention of his mother, Dean glanced at Sam, both of their smiles fading away as they gazed at each other for a moment. Dean nodded and looked back up at Cas while reaching for Sam's hand. "Yeah, I think we should." He sighed sadly and gently cupped Castiel's cheek, studying his face. "She would've loved you, baby," he said, his voice tinged with regret. "I wish she could be there to see us get married."

Castiel smiled sadly, resting his hand over Dean and Sam's, connecting them all together. "She will be, Dean," he assured. "She's watching over her boys..and I bet she's smiling proudly over both of you." He kissed Dean's cheek and squeezed both their hands, trying to comfort them both. "We'll get some flowers and tell her about the day. How her little Sammy's as tall as a house and her boy Dean's starting a family of his own."

Dean's eyes teared up and he smiled shakily, hiding his face in Castiel's shoulder. Sam patted Dean on the back and then stood up, smiling softly at Cas. "I'll let you guys catch up," he murmured, and then walked away and went upstairs to bed. Once Sam was gone, Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel's middle and held on. "I can't believe we're getting married in less than a week," he whispered in amazement, looking up at Cas with wide eyes and a small smile. "This is it, Cas. We're going to be married."

Castiel held onto Dean, rubbing his back soothingly as he looked like he was about to cry. He said goodnight to Sam and watched him leave before returning his attention to Dean. "I know," he said with a giddy smile. "Isn't it amazing?" He kissed Dean's nose and smiled. "You're amazing. I can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm the luckiest guy in the world."

Dean smiled softly and traced his fingers gently over Castiel's face. "I can't wait to put that ring on your finger," he murmured, "God, Cas. I love you so much I don't even know how to express it." He kissed Castiel softly, savoring the familiar taste and feel of his lips. "Look how far we've come. It's hard to believe that we're even the same people." Dean backed away enough to gaze deeply into Castiel's eyes. "I think I knew we'd end up together, somehow. I don't know, it's just you. There's just something about you that makes me feel.. complete."

Castiel smiled softly and dipped his head down to capture Dean's lip, getting used to the familiar feel and taste of Dean. "I know what you mean," he said softly, humming contently. He held Dean for a long time before kissing his forehead. "Come on, babe. Let's go to bed. It's been a long day." He took Dean's hand and led him upstairs to find three cats on the bed. He squealed and gathered them up in his arms, kissing their faces giddily. "Hello babies. D'ya miss me? Hmm?"

Dean smiled eagerly as he followed Castiel upstairs. He couldn't wait to share a bed with him for the first time in three months, even if they simply went to sleep and didn't do anything else. Dean was just excited to hold Cas in his arms again, kiss him, feel his warm breath as Cas slept, and wake up to see his beautiful face first thing in the morning. Once they got to the bedroom, Dean immediately stripped out of his work clothes and collapsed on the bed in his boxers, watching as Cas greeted his cats. "They've been sleeping with me almost every night, keeping me company."

Castiel grinned, kissing their tiny faces. "You're so big now," he crooned, petting Panda and Honey. He moved away to strip out of his clothes but stopped upon seeing Dean's body. He looked gorgeous like this. With the cats buried up by his side. He grinned, going into the bathroom and got a warm, damp cloth and came back into the bedroom and cleaned Dean up, pressing a tender kiss to his stomach. He threw a pair of clean boxers in his direction as he went back into the bathroom to put the cloth away. He came back in and stripped tiredly, joining Dean on the bed in his boxers. The cats trying to get between them to sleep by Dean's side like usual but Castiel was having none of it.

Dean laughed and petted Amber gently as Castiel cooed over her babies, which weren't exactly babies anymore. Dean blushed slightly when Cas looked at him and then got a wet cloth to wash the come off his body, and he slipped into the clean boxers Cas gave to him. They pushed the cats aside gently so Dean could wrap himself around Castiel and snuggle close, and he sighed happily, shivering with contentment. "God, I missed this," he murmured, pressing a kiss to Castiel's neck and inhaling his scent.

Castiel hummed. "Me too, babe. Me too." He wrapped his arms around Dean's waist and held him close. It'd been torture being away from Dean for so long. He'd watched Jesse and Jack tip toe around each other for months and it just reminded him on when he first met Dean and of course, that didn't help with his missing Dean situation. He felt Amber press against his back and he sighed happily. He was back with his family where he belonged.

A few days later, the day of the wedding, Dean was freaking out. He knew there was nothing to be nervous about, since it was only going to be him, Cas, and Sam in a church with a pastor he'd known for years, but he was anxious as fuck. Ruby had come over to help Cas get ready, and Dean was left in the hands of Sam. He hadn't seen Cas all morning as Ruby had been keeping him locked up in the bedroom to get him ready, and she kept insisting that it was bad luck to see each other before the wedding itself. Dean told her that was bullshit and that he just really wanted to see Cas and calm himself down, but Sam wouldn't let him anywhere near the closed door of the bedroom. Dean was currently sitting on the bed in Sam's room in his tuxedo, which had been tailored to fit perfectly, and Sam was painstakingly trying to pin a white rose boutonniere onto his lapel. "Dammit, Dean, would you just hold still? I keep stabbing myself with this pin. Just... okay, got it. Don't make it fall out, man. Okay, stand up, let me see you." Dean stood up and spun around, giving Sam an expectant look. "Good?" He asked, slightly annoyed, but Sam's expression made Dean's tone soften. He was biting his lip and looking at Dean, eyes wide with emotion, and he nodded. "You look great, Dean," he said softly, "I think you're ready." Sam came forward and hugged Dean, careful not to crush the rose on his lapel, and then he backed away and smoothed down Dean's shirt a little. "Sorry I turned into Bridezilla," Dean muttered, "I'm just kind of nervous. Can't believe I'm actually getting _married." _

Castiel was a little annoyed that Ruby wouldn't let him see Dean but once he was changed Ruby allowed him to leave. He just wanted to be there with Dean every step of the way. He didn't want to miss a moment. Today was their wedding day and it was going to be magical. Ruby added the final touch, a small white rose, pinned to his lapel. Castiel looked at it curiously. That hadn't been in their agreements. Ruby simply said with a small shrug, "Dean's choice" and Castiel heard nothing else from it. He swallowed thickly, trying to not read too much into it and smiled shyly in the mirror. "Can I have a minute?" Castiel asked Ruby through the mirror. Ruby nodded and waited downstairs with Sam and Dean. Castiel looked in the mirror and sighed. "Alright Novak listen up," he ordered to his reflection. "Today you become a Winchester. Today you'll be tied to Prince charming. You may not have a white castle but you have a home and people who love you and that's better than any other things you've dreamt about since you were six." He sighed, looking at his reflection, seeing the broken and bruised, scared little kid he used to be. "You take care now kid," he said, reaching out to press the palm of his hand against the mirror. "Goodbye Castiel Novak. It's..it's been a hell of a ride."

A few minutes later, Dean and Sam headed downstairs. Ruby was already there waiting for them, pretty in a pale pink dress and delicate heels. She smiled softly at Dean and walked up to him to give him a kiss on the cheek and fix his tie. Sam had gotten dressed in his tuxedo as well, and Ruby fixed his hair and then smiled at them both. "You guys look amazing," she told them, smiling warmly. Dean swallowed hard and looked around. "Where's Cas, is he still getting ready?"

"I'm here," Castiel said, halfway down the stairs. He smiled over at Dean seeing him for the first time that morning after Sam and Ruby had dragged them apart. This was like a scene out of a movie. Where the girl gets the guy of her dreams, waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs. Unfortunately, Castiel would never have all the luck when both Panda and Honey hurtled down the stairs in excitement after him and tripped him up, causing him to go flying down the last half a dozen stairs. "Fucking cats," he grumbled, looking up from the floor to see Honey and Panda sat their obediently looking down at him with what Castiel could only describe as smug as fuck looks.

Dean stood up and stared wide-eyed as Castiel appeared at the top of the stairs. His jaw went slack and his breath caught in his throat, heart skipping a beat as he saw Castiel. He looked stunning in his well-fitted tuxedo, his hair styled neatly and every piece of clothing immaculate, and he was just glowing. Dean smiled in amazement, feeling his heart pound in his chest as he looked at Cas. His soon-to-be husband. But the moment was ruined when Cas tripped over the cats as they ran down the stairs, and he fell down the rest of the stairs and landed on the floor. They all rushed over to him, Dean getting to him first and helping him up, unable to take his eyes off Cas or make his mouth form words. Ruby pushed him aside and set about fixing Castiel's clothing and brushing dust off his jacket. Finally, Dean swallowed and smiled shyly at Cas. "You look amazing," he said quietly.

Castiel scowled at the cats and watched as Amber came down the stairs moments later, pushing them out of the way and into the other room. Castiel took Ruby's hands to get her to stop fussing and she soon back away. "Thanks," he said with his own shy smile. "You look great too," he gushed, biting his lip in excited nerves. "Although I still think you should have gone with the dress," he said, laughing nervously. He looked at Dean's rose and gasped. There was a small drop of blood on the bottom of one of the petals and Castiel looked up at Dean with wide eyes. "Dean?"

Dean grinned and laughed shakily, blushing deeply as Ruby and Sam were now standing off to the side watching them silently, and Dean tried to ignore them, but he felt giddy with excitement. But then Castiel's smile faded and his eyes widened as he looked down at the rose on Dean's lapel, and he glanced down in confusion, worried something had gone wrong. "What? Is it on the wrong side or..." he looked down again, closer this time, and that's when he noticed the little drop of blood on the rose petal, near the pin, and Dean slowly turned his head to look at Sam in realization. Sam was sucking his finger, and he gave Dean a confused look, but Dean just looked back at Cas with a broken expression. "I... Sam's finger," he explained weakly.

Castiel looked up at Dean again and swallowed dryly. "No, it's...it's beautiful," he whispered hesitantly. The poem, the funeral. They'd been parts of Castiel's life that had brought him and Dean closer together and in some way, it was like they were saying goodbye to Castiel, together. He let a fingertip brush over Dean's other lapel, looking up at him emotionally. "It's beautiful," he said again breathlessly, unsure what else to say.

Dean looked at Castiel with wide eyes, his chest tightening with emotion. He studied Castiel's face lovingly and then covered Castiel's hand with his own, holding it over his chest gently. "It is," he agreed softly, thinking of all the significance the drop of blood on the white rose held for them, everything it meant. "I'd kiss you right now but I've been told it's bad luck," he said to Cas, shooting a look at Ruby, who nodded in agreement. "Yeah, save it for the ceremony, lovebirds. We should probably get going." Sam had the ring in his pocket and was carrying the camera.

Castiel swallowed thickly and smiled tightly, trying not to cry. Today was going to be perfect for them. It was their wedding day and nothing could ruin that. He grinned at Dean and squeezed his hand. "Okay, just give me a moment. I'll be in the car in just a sec," he said sweetly. He went through and into the living room to find Jimmy sat there with a small smile on his face and a card in his hand. "G-Good luck," he wished happily. Jimmy didn't mind not being apart of Castiel's ceremony. He was just grateful Castiel was letting him live here and give him a second chance. He didn't expect to be allowed full brother privileges after everything he'd done. He just wished for Castiel to be finally happy and with Dean, he would be. Castiel nodded and kissed Jimmy's forehead, taking the card and putting it in his pocket. "Thanks buddy. I'll see you in a little bit." And with that, Castiel got into the car with everyone else to head to the church to marry the love of his life.

Dean was driving and Sam sat beside him in the front, with Ruby and Cas in the back. Dean couldn't stop smiling and his hands were trembling and slightly clammy with nerves, and the drive to the church seemed to take much longer than it should. They parked in the nearly empty lot and then they all got out of the car to go inside the church, where they met the pastor. Dean shook his hand, and the elderly man smiled warmly at him and then introduced himself to Castiel, shaking his hand as well. "I'm Father Simmons," he greeted, "And you must be Castiel. Dean has told me much about you." Dean smiled proudly at Cas, feeling happier than he ever had. Father Simmons turned back to Dean and grasped his hand again. "I know your mother is smiling down upon you right this very moment. This is a very special day, Dean."

Castiel couldn't help but grin as Dean led him into the church and they were greeted by the pastor. He smiled sadly at Dean and couldn't help but think Father Simmons was right. She was watching over them, making sure her boys stayed safe. When Father Simmons moved away to get his ceremony book, Castiel took Dean's hands and smiled softly at him. Father Simmons began the ceremony and everything else was a blur. Castiel couldn't stop shaking, his hands clutched tightly in Dean's to try and stay calm. When it was time to speak, Castiel almost forgot how to use his tongue. He nodded a few times before words came out, along with a few tears. "I do."

Dean stood facing Castiel, never having practiced doing this before. He wasn't really sure how weddings worked in real life because he'd only ever seen them in movies, so he just decided to go with what felt right. He stared into Castiel's tear-filled eyes and squeezed his clammy, trembling hands. Dean felt surprisingly calm, almost in a dreamlike state, as if he were floating. He couldn't believe this was really happening, that they'd finally made it to this final point of absolute commitment to each other. While Castiel was trembling with emotion, Dean was still and steady, never once looking away from the steady blue of Castiel's eyes. He smiled softly as tears came to his own eyes when it was his turn to say "I do." The words felt foreign on his tongue and he didn't recognize his own voice. Vaguely, in the background, he could hear the camera clicking, and then Sam tapped his arm and handed each of them a ring box. Dean took his out first and took Castiel's hand to slide it into place on his finger. He'd chosen a simple silver band with interlocking knots to represent the unbreakable bond between them. He and Cas had decided to pick each other's wedding rings out separately, within a price range, deciding it didn't matter if they matched or not.

Castiel didn't even realize when Sam thrusted a ring box in his direction. Everything was so surreal and he was struggling to keep up with it all. This was actually happening. He couldn't believe it. He broke down when he saw the ring Dean had picked out for him. It was so beautiful and meaningful and he swallowed the lump in his throat as it was his turn to put his ring on Dean's finger. He'd gotten Dean a ring whilst in New York. It was silver and composed of two parts which fitted together like a puzzle piece, the fitting line resembled a heart monitor line and the two pieces signified how they completed each other. He wasn't sure if Dean would like it and find it inconvenient but for now he just put it on his finger and pretended he wasn't the corniest guy in the world.

Dean's heart was pounding hard in his chest and he felt so warm and full of love that he thought he'd burst from it. He squeezed Castiel's hand after he put the ring on it and then watched as Castiel shakily put the ring on Dean's finger. He'd never seen it before and he put his right hand up to his mouth in emotional shock as he looked down at the ring, which was blurring in the tears forming in his eyes. He couldn't breathe, and it was beautiful. Castiel had chosen the perfect ring, and Dean was certain that anything Castiel picked out would be perfect, but this was truly amazing. He blinked back tears, smiling at Castiel as their eyes met again. They were both in tears at this point, and Dean had never experienced anything so beautiful. The camera flashed and clicked, but Dean ignored it. Father Simmons was saying something but Dean couldn't hear him, couldn't hear anything other than the beating of his heart. He caught the words "You may kiss." and it felt like time slowed down as Dean placed one hand on Castiel's cheek and the other on his waist to draw him close to kiss him, for the first time as a married couple. He hoped Sam or Ruby was taking pictures right now, because this was the most beautiful moment Dean could imagine.

Castiel's breath caught in his throat as Dean looked at him with such awe he didn't know how to react. Dean was so emotional and he himself wasn't much better. He couldn't stop crying. He loved this man so much. He'd do anything to keep him safe and happy. The fact that Dean wanted the same for him made his heart swell. He loved him, truly he did and he couldn't have asked for a more perfect day to celebrate that fact. When they kissed, Castiel felt weak in the knees. The cool metal of the ring against his cheek made him grin against Dean's lips, knowing he'd put that ring there. Put that promise there to keep loving Dean for the rest of his days. It was magical. His own arms wrapped around Dean's middle, drawing him close to kiss and convey everything that could not be said. He forgot Sam and Ruby were there until he heard a sudden click of cameras go off as they took photos of them kissing, sharing this bonding moment with those they loved most. He backed away to look up at Dean with tear filled eyes.

Dean kissed Cas with every ounce of emotion he could put into it, holding him close and smiling when Castiel's arms went around his waist. This was the happiest moment of the happiest day of his life, and he was so amazed that it was finally happening. This was the start of the rest of their lives, emerging from youth into the world of adults as a married couple, while they still had a lot to learn but Dean knew they were ready. When they pulled apart, Dean gently cupped Castiel's face with both hands and wiped away his tears, leaning forward to rest their foreheads together and just stare into Castiel's eyes, murmuring "I love you" over and over and over, his voice barely audible. He felt dizzy and light and his ears were ringing with the beat of his heart, and everything around him blurred into the background as it was just him and Cas floating in the moment.

Castiel couldn't stop crying. His heart was beating fast, trying to get air into his lungs as he just continued to stare breathlessly at Dean. He didn't tell Dean he loved him. He could barely say anything he was still in shock. He simply kissed Dean again briefly until they were told to sign the marriage certificate along with Ruby as their witness. Castiel still couldn't breathe. They were married. He was a Winchester now. His past was behind him and his future looked nothing but bright. He had Dean. He had Sam, Jimmy and even a few good friends at a well respected college. Everything was going well for him. He'd spent so long at the bottom, there was no where else to go but up.

Tears streamed down Dean's face as well and he stayed as close to Castiel as possible even as they were instructed to sign the certificate. They all signed it and the marriage was official, and Father Simmons patted them both gently on the back and gave them another blessing, smiling happily at them and then backing away. Dean practically threw himself into Castiel's arms and hugged him tightly, putting his head on the left of Castiel's like they always did, which brought their hearts closer together. Dean hugged everyone else on the right, but with Castiel this just felt better. Sam and Ruby were beaming, tears in their eyes, and they clapped and cheered as Dean looked over at them with a teary, amazed smile, and he took one arm away from Cas to invite them in for a hug.

Castiel couldn't help but grin as Dean gestured for Sam and Ruby to join their embrace. He held out an arm too and hugged his small family. It wasn't much, but it was his. He loved them all so much and he wasn't sure he could live without any of these wonderful people in his life. He kissed Dean's cheek and rested his head against his shoulder for a moment, seeking his warmth before holding himself together and pocketed their marriage certificate. "What do we do now, husband?" Castiel beamed, looking up at Dean with bright, loving eyes. He was his husband now. His Castiel Winchester. Nothing was going to spoil today.

Dean couldn't stop smiling even though he was still crying. He wiped his tears away with the back of his hand and grinned at Castiel in pure joy. "Castiel Winchester," he said, kissing him again. "I've got a little something planned for this afternoon, if you're up for it," he said gently, "What do you say we celebrate a bit, have some people over for a few hours?" Dean had already informed some of their friends about their wedding and how it was a small, personal ceremony but the reception would be casual back at the Novak's house.

Castiel was pretty sure he would have come there and then upon hearing Dean call him Castiel Winchester if it wasn't for the fact they were in church with their brother standing right there. "Sounds good," he said after a very long time, getting his voice back. "Anything," he added smiling excitedly as he leaned up to kiss Dean. "Anything. Just as long as you're happy." He took Dean's hand and they left, Sam taking photos of them as they left the church. He made them sit on the hood of the Impala as he took a few more photos in the day light and Castiel pulled Dean into a loving kiss.

Dean smiled and kissed Castiel back. "I've never been happier in my life," he told Cas, tangling their fingers together and walking out of the church with Sam and Ruby, out into the sunlight and the Impala. Dean willingly endured the extended photoshoot that Sam insisted on doing, because he knew they'd create beautiful memories and he never wanted to forget this day. Once Sam was finished, they all got into the car, this time with Cas riding shotgun and Sam sitting in the back with Ruby.

Castiel grinned, kissing Dean once more before they headed into the car. Castiel curled up by Dean's side, stroking a hand down his chest lovingly, never taking his eyes off of him the whole ride home. Once they got there, Castiel insisted on waiting outside for a moment whilst Ruby and Sam went in. He just needed a minute alone with Dean to process everything. "I love you," he said to Dean after a long silence, kissing him deeply. "I'm so glad I'm doing this with you."

Dean couldn't stop smiling, and he waited outside with Cas for a moment, just holding him. He felt like he was in a dream, and it was pretty clear that they both needed time to process that their marriage and livelong unity had officially just been set into place. Dean drew in a shaky breath and closed his eyes as they kissed deeply, using Castiel to hold onto and ground himself, because he felt like he was going to float away. "You're my husband," he said in awe, "Castiel Winchester."

Castiel couldn't stop grinning, holding Dean just as tight and kissed him briefly. "Dean and Castiel Winchester," he hummed happily, buzzing with excitement. "We can have those Mr and Mr towels and got to fancy restaurants and say 'we're newly weds, we just got back from our honeymoon.'" Castiel grinned, kissing Dean again. "This is amazing. You're my husband and I'm yours. We're a team."

Dean smiled back at Castiel, eyes darting lovingly over his face. "I just... wow, I can't believe it's finally happening. We're officially married, babe." Dean kissed him again and then hugged him tightly. "I'm so happy, Cas. You make me so happy, you know that?" He looked at him again, smirking playfully. "I'm gonna carry you across the threshold, hang on." Dean bent down and put one arm behind Castiel's knees and hauled him up to hold him bridal style, and he groaned in effort and quickly stumbled towards the house and kicked open the door before he dropped Cas.

Castiel's features dropped, heart fluttering. He made Dean happy. They'd gone through the rough patch, a very long rough patch at that, but after everything, he'd finally managed to make Dean happy. He smiled idiotically, gasping a little as Dean picked him up. "What? No..Dean!" He snorted out a laugh, holding onto him in fear of falling but then Dean put him down once they were in the house and Castiel kissed him deeply before their attention was taken away from one another and they were forced to greet their friends and receive their congratulations.

Everyone was already there when Dean and Cas entered the house. Many of their friends were there, including Castiel's friends from the club, some people from Dean's work, and people from school. The house had been decorated, something Sam and Jimmy had arranged to happen while they were at the church, and it was surprise to Dean and Castiel. There was music playing and catered food set out on a table, and the furniture had been pushed aside to allow for more room, and there was champagne in fancy glasses. Everybody was dressed nicely and smiling happily, and Dean was suddenly shy. He blushed slightly as people came up to hug them and congratulate them on their marriage, asking to see their rings, and so many people were taking pictures of them.

Castiel's eyes widened when he saw his friends from the club there. Dean had more friends here where Castiel had moved on. People they knew from school weren't really his friends anymore. He didn't hang out with them as much but he'd expected them there. What he hadn't expected was his family from over the hard summer months. "Benny!" he beamed, greeting him half way in a tight embrace as he came up to congratulate them.

Benny walked over to Cas and Dean with a warm smile on his face, chuckling when Cas hugged him tightly. "Congratulations, Hot Wings," he murmured, patting Cas on the back affectionately and then pulling back to grin at Dean. "C'mere, brother," he held an arm out and Dean stepped closer to him and joined in the hug. Benny pulled away to smile at both of them, and damn, they looked happy. "I thought I seen true love before but I ain't never seen anything like what you two got. I know you're gonna be happy with each other."

Castiel looked over at Dean then back and Benny and grinned happily. "Thanks Benny," he beamed, practically jumping with excitement. He held onto Dean's hand tightly trying to keep himself from busting. He just loved Dean so much and was happy to know so many people were happy, even proud of them. He saw Balthazar in the corner with a few of his friends and he smiled slightly, kissing Dean's cheek. "I'll be right back. I'm gonna go talk to Balth."

Dean nodded absently and squeezed Castiel's hand back before letting him go talk to Balthazar. Anna came up to Dean, smiling timidly, and hugged him, which was a surprise since they hadn't actually spoken in a while. "Congratulations," she said softly, with a sweet smile as she tucked a strand of red hair behind her ear. "I'm really happy for you, Dean." Dean thanked her, and then whirled around in surprise as somebody hugged him from behind. It was Justin from the strip club, who Dean didn't even know that well. But Justin was the type of person who hugged everybody and didn't treat anyone like a stranger. "Dean, you married a stripper!" He congratulated, grinning and hugging him again. "I'm so happy for you guys, I don't think I've ever seen Cas smile this much."

"Balthazar," Castiel said with a small smile. Balthazar's friends looked at Balthazar, waiting for him to say something first. "I hope you don't mind, I brought some people," Balthazar said with a slick smile. "Don't worry they're house trained." Castiel just smiled, too happy to care about a few strangers in his house. He trusted Balthazar enough not to ruin this for him. What he was not expecting was for his brother to hold his hand out for him to shake. It wasn't forced physical contact. It was almost a sign of respect which made Castiel straighten a little and expect the hand. "I'm happy for you, brother," Balthazar said in a smooth voice. "And I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that." Castiel merely nodded, smiling happily. First step of many of getting their family back together. "Thanks, Balth." He looked around and spotted Dean. "I've gotta get back to..whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing." Balthazar simply waved him off, picking up a glass of wine and got back to his friends and Castiel to his.

"There he is!" Justin called happily, when he saw Cas approaching them. Justin went over and hugged Cas as well, lifting him up off his feet briefly and patting him on the back. He smiled widely at both of them and Dean instantly gravitated towards Castiel, wrapping an arm around his waist to bring him closer.

The rest of the afternoon was fun and exciting, but Dean was relieved when everyone left and headed home as it started to get dark out. It began snowing, and Dean knew it was almost time for his little surprise for Castiel. The house was quiet and Sam had made hot chocolate and was serving it up in mugs to Dean, Cas and Jimmy, and they all relaxed on the couch for a little while while they drank their hot chocolate. They didn't talk much, all exhausted and overwhelmed from the excitement of the day.

Castiel was grateful when everyone went home. He just wanted to spend time with his new husband. He sipped his hot chocolate, leaning into Dean with a soft sigh. He'd taken his jacket off and loosened his tie but was still in his tuxedo. "Best. Day. Ever," Castiel hummed happily, grinning idiotically. He kissed Dean's clothed shoulder and sighed. "You doin' okay, kitten?" he asked softly, looking up to see Dean deep in concentration.

Dean felt pleasantly dazed and tired, his clothes rumpled from hugs and moving, and he leaned into Castiel's shoulder with a lazy smile. He'd finished his hot chocolate and set the mug on the table, and was perfectly content to stay right where he was for the moment, sandwiched between Sam and Cas on the couch. "I'm great," he said softly, smiling over at Castiel. "But the day's not over yet. I've got something else planned, at the cabin. Whenever you're ready."

Castiel looked curiously at Dean and smiled breathlessly. He loved the cabin. He'd thought they'd go out there soon but he hadn't expected a planned trip. And on their wedding night of all nights. He set his mug down and sat up a little. "I'm ready!" he said a little too eagerly. He wanted to know what Dean had planned for him. "Do we need anything?" he asked. "Should I pack a bag for us?"

Dean smiled at Cas and gently stroked his hair. "You wanna go now? I've already got everything we'll need." Dean was excited and giddy to show Cas what he'd done for their wedding night, and he hoped he wouldn't find it too cheesy. He stood up and offered both hands to Castiel, his husband, and it made him breathless just to think of Castiel as his husband, because it'd finally happened. Sam looked up at them and smiled softly. "Really happy for you guys," he said, and Dean smiled at him. "Thank you for everything, Sammy," he said softly.

Castiel grinned, bending down to kiss Sam on the forehead before going over to the chair where Jimmy sat and kissed his forehead too. "Thanks for decorating the place. It looked great, buddy," he praised. Jimmy smiled, playing with Panda. "I-I'm happy for you," Jimmy said before Castiel moved away and went back to Dean. "See you guys later," he said, taking Dean by the hand and took them outside to go out to the cabin.

Once they were outside in the cold night air with snow falling gently around them, Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel and kissed him deeply. He didn't want them to get cold, so he cut the kiss short with an apologetic grin and then led Cas to the car. "We'll continue this in a few minutes." They got into the car and Dean turned the heat on high to warm the car up, and then they were driving away to the cabin.

Castiel chuckled, kissing Dean back. He felt like he was in a fairytale with the snow around them. After a moment they broke away and went to the cabin. Castiel got outside and watched the snow fall gently around them. "Winter wonderland," he mused under his breath. He looked over at Dean and grinned. "Alright, husband. What are we doing out here?" he asked with excitement, jumping a little on the spot to keep warm.

Dean smiled secretively and took Castiel's hand to lead him up to the door. He'd come up early that morning before anyone else was awake and set everything up to have it ready that evening after the wedding. He unlocked the door and turned the lights on dimly to reveal the inside of the cabin. The bed was made up with fresh, luxurious sheets with white and red rose petals scattered over it, and there was a new bottle of lube sitting on the nightstand along with a bottle of expensive wine and fancy chocolates. Dean had placed candles around the bed and let go of Castiel's hand with a gentle smile to go and light them and turn on the stereo. "We haven't had our first dance as a married couple yet," Dean explained, gesturing for Cas to come over. "I wanted it to be just us. Pick a song, baby."

Castiel looked around and grinned a little, seeing the lube and wine. "Well, someone is ambitious," Castiel smirked. He looked over and went through Dean's iPod. He smiled softly and picked the song. He looked over at Dean and held his hand out expectantly. "Mr Winchester, may I have this dance?" he asked gently, smirking a little as Uprising began to play. It was an odd song for a slow dance but it felt right. Uprising was one of the first songs they'd played together back in school, at the concert and whilst lazing around at lunch. It meant a lot to them. It didn't matter if it looked stupid to dance to. It was about them. Nothing else mattered.

Dean rolled his eyes and blushed. "Shut up, I'm trying to be romantic. Don't ruin it." He watched Castiel's profile as he picked a song, the candles flickering soft glowing light over his face. When Uprising began playing, Dean grinned and put his hands on Castiel's waist to pull him close into an ill-fitting slow dance. "I had a feeling you'd pick this one," he murmured close to Castiel's ear as he began to sway them slowly back and forth. There was no point in trying to dance to the beat of the song because it was about as far from a slow dance song as you could get, but it was perfect. It was them.

Castiel chuckled, leaning in close to Dean and pressed his forehead against his shoulder. "It holds lovely memories," he said happily, closing his eyes and just let the music and Dean wash over him. He hummed a little along with the lyrics and kept slow dancing with Dean. They were still wearing their tuxedos and it felt similar to their prom night. Expect they'd grown so much since then. Almost two years and they'd come so far.

Dean held Cas close, both hands clasped together at the small of Castiel's back as they continued to sway back and forth in each other's arms. "Remember when we did this on stage for the talent show?" He murmured with a small smile, "We owned it, baby. We were so good." The first time they'd done this song together was within the first week of knowing each other, an acoustic guitar, a lonely boy in a paint-spattered hoodie, and a two-faced jerk.

Castiel nodded excitedly. "I love it when you call me baby," he said with a small, giddy smile. Dean hadn't called him baby in a long time. Castiel was beginning to think it was something Dean said when he was happy. That made Castiel smile even more. "I love it when you make me feel like a million bucks. I love it when you believe in me. Tell me I'm awesome and make me a better person. I love this song. I love what it made us. I love you, Dean." Castiel was silent after his small speech and blushed, dipping his head down to hide in Dean's neck.

Dean stilled and stared at Castiel with wide, stunned eyes, but Cas ducked his head down and hid his face against Dean's neck. Dean's heart swelled with love and devotion and he gently reached up to cradle the back of Castiel's head. "I almost lost you so many times, Cas," he murmured, "And each time made me realize just how much I need you in my life, how much I've always needed you and always will need you." He kissed Castiel's temple and stroked the back of his neck soothingly. "I am so lucky you're mine. I can't live without you."

Castiel's heart pounded in his chest, he felt so loved and wanted in this moment. He looked up at Dean and kissed him earnestly, trying to convey what words could not. He wrapped his arms around Dean's middle and pressed against him as they kissed. "Mr Winchester," he murmured, a slight questioning in his tone. "Would you kindly escort me to the bedroom? I'm feeling light-headed."

Dean kissed Castiel back passionately and then smiled suggestively at Castiel's request. "Of course, you should lie down, get out of those uncomfortable clothes." Dean turned the volume of the music way down until it was barely audible, just some nice background noise, and he kissed Castiel again and smiled into his lips, gently pulling him backwards toward the bed. He laid Castiel down on it and then sat beside him, leaning over Castiel's body and gazing down at him lovingly.

Castiel grinned, letting Dean push him back down against the bed. "Babe," he whispered quietly, kissing Dean gently. "Do you..is this what you want?" He swallowed thickly and leaned back up to kiss Dean passionately. "I just..we don't have to just because it's our wedding night." He kissed Dean again, not wanting to hurt him. "This is perfect though," he said, smiling lovingly up at Dean.

Dean kissed Castiel gently and sighed in contentment. "I want to make love to you, Cas. I want to be as close to you as possible, I want to be inside you and I want you inside me. I want to taste all of you and I want to look into your eyes and kiss you and touch you and make you feel so good, baby. My baby, the love of my life, my boy. My husband."

Castiel nodded and kissed Dean sweetly. He was so tired but Dean had made so much effort and wanted this just as much. He felt emotionally drained and sleepy but he tried to push through it for Dean. "Okay, my love," he murmured softly, closing his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. "My husband," he added with a small smirk, reaching up to kiss Dean again.

Dean smiled down at Cas gently and then laid down beside him to just look at him. Cas looked exhausted and happy, and Dean thought he was beautiful like this. He leaned forward and kissed Castiel's lips chastely, smiling at him softly. "Don't worry, I'll do all the work, honey. I'll make you feel so good." Dean kissed Castiel slowly and deeply, taking a little time between each kiss and moving slow while his hand rested on Castiel's chest, the crisp fabric slightly wrinkled under his palm.

Castiel hummed in response, slipping his hand under Dean's shirt to rest against his hip and keep them close together. "Make love to me, Dean," he murmured, a content smile tracing his lips. "Show me how much you love me." His other hand went into his hair, playing with it absently as Dean kissed him deep and passionately.

Dean smiled when Castiel's hand found his skin, and he hummed softly, kissing Castiel's lips again and then sliding his tongue into Castiel's mouth to taste him. He slid his hand up to Castiel's collar and began slowly undoing the buttons one by one. Several long, relaxed minutes later, Castiel's shirt was all the way unbuttoned, his tie loosened and hanging around his neck sloppily as Dean continued to kiss him and touch his skin gently. It was different now that they were married. They'd always belonged to each other, but now it was more real than it ever had been. It was overwhelming and stunning.

Castiel watched with soft eyes as Dean took his time undressing him. He fumbled with a few buttons on Dean's shirt and managed to get it half way undone before Dean's lips found his' again and they were kissing hot and tenderly. He made a small noise in the back of his throat, humming happily. He sat up a little, helping both Dean and himself out of their shirts and ties. He pressed a kiss to Dean's chest, over his heart and rested his forehead their for a moment, just living in the moment with his husband, soulmate and most importantly, best friend.

They kissed like they had all the time in the world, all slow movements, soft touches, and quiet sounds. The cabin in the woods was completely silent and isolated from the world outside, muffled by the blanket of snow, and it was just them. Dean had never felt more complete, and he had all he needed now. There was nothing to be afraid of, nobody to stop them from being what they were, and everything felt right. Eventually, almost unconsciously, they were completely naked except their wedding rings, nothing between them but skin. They moved slowly together, rocking in a lazy, comfortable rhythm. Dean gently kissed Castiel's face as he came, watching his head tilt back and his lips part in a silent gasp, and Dean followed soon after. There was nothing more beautiful than this, lying in each other's arms in the afterglow, sharing tender kisses and watching each other. Their first night together as a married couple, and it couldn't have been more perfect. As they drifted off to sleep, the last words on Dean's lips were _I love you, _whispered into Castiel's neck and followed by a gentle kiss against the skin there, the skin that Dean had marked as his own countless times. He fell asleep with a smile on his face, knowing that his dreams would never be as good as the reality he had now.

Jack was both eager and anxious to go home. He'd been away for a long time and hadn't even spoken to his family, and he really wasn't looking forward to dealing with his parents. Sitting on the train, he stared out the window, deep in thought. A shudder ran through him as he thought of the last time he'd seen his parents.

It was a cold, rainy Tuesday afternoon when they found out their son was homosexual. Jack had known it for years, but with his parents' traditional upbringing he knew he couldn't tell them. Jack was good at keeping secrets, although it hadn't been easy right from the start. While Jack's father wanted his son to be masculine and athletic, Jack preferred music. He taught himself to play piano and found a passion for writing music, which his parents found unusual, but didn't try to stop him. Around the time Jack was fifteen and Natalie thirteen, that's when problems started to arise. Natalie stopped eating and started cutting, carving herself away with misery from the past, and Jack began a secret relationship with an apparently straight jock on the baseball team. He'd lost his virginity to Matt and had started to fall in love, but good things never last and what he'd thought was love quickly turned into pain. Matt was in denial, constantly belittling Jack's feelings, using his body to get off, and the worst part was that Matt was ashamed. He was clearly troubled and Jack tried to help, but one thing led to another and Jack ended up being beaten up by four members of the baseball team while Matt just watched expressionlessly. After that, Jack couldn't even walk through the halls without being called offensive names, pushed and shoved, the word 'fag' becoming a part of him. All he had left was his family, which didn't last long either. Soon the rumors got home and Jack's parents sat him down for a talk, which ended with Jack coming out, hiding his face in shame and wishing he could just disappear. After that, silence and loneliness, and Jack was out on the streets. He fended for himself pretty well, considering the situation, and sold his body in dingy alleyways to buy food. Eventually someone took him in, an older man with a dark past and a beat-up piano, and Jack lived in his dirty apartment in exchange for whatever the man wanted from him. Usually it was sex, painful and rough, but Jack bit his tongue and didn't complain. If it hadn't been for Rick, Jack would've been out begging on the streets.

And it was only for a few years. As soon as he was old enough, Jack cleaned himself up and snuck out of Rick's apartment with his wrinkled notebook full of songs, and found his way to the Academy in New York City. His audition made up for his lack of money, and they took him. Nobody there knew who he was or what he'd done, and nobody had to. He started a new life for himself and made friends, and he hid the past from them because nobody needed to know but him.

Now he was heading back to that place where it had all started, and he didn't even know if he was welcome in his own home. He hadn't seen his sister or his dog in ages and was anxious to know how they were doing. He drifted off to sleep on the train thinking of Natalie and trying to imagine what she'd be like, if any different.

Just two years left, Natalie kept telling herself. Two years left then she could be free. Free from the pressures of school. Free from her parents. Free from everything. Like her brother. Only, she wasn't talented like he was. She couldn't see herself going to college or working a job she had special skills in. She had none. She was useless. Pointless. She was still struggling to see why she was even still alive. There was no purpose to her life.

She looked down at her wrist, looking over the cuts with interest, envious and hateful that not one of them had managed to make the pain go away. He hospital tag laid limp against her wrist. Three days since she'd last tried to kill herself. She'd even gotten close this time but her mom had found her just before she bled out. She'd tried pills but her parents had made sure she couldn't access them anymore. It was getting harder and harder to punish herself with her family on constant watch. She just wanted it to end. She just wanted to stop feeling like a prisoner inside her own body.

She curled up on the bed, staring absently at her TV. Adventure Time playing repeatedly on mute. The bright colours made things seem a little less serious, even if it was only a minor distraction until the next urge set in. She was thankful for the holidays. No longer having to deal with the pressures of school. Or the friends who were only 'there for her' when someone was there to notice. She preferred to be alone. It was easier that way. She didn't have to explain herself to anyone. After Jack left the impulse to isolate herself became greater. The one person she had trusted had left with no note or explanation. She presumed him dead. Her parents refused to talk about him. Jack had taken what little trust she had in another human being and stomped on it. She didn't need anyone now. Not that it would matter. She'd be gone soon and the world would be a better place.

When the train arrived at Jack's destination, he took a deep breath and braced himself for the impact of memories this place held. His hometown in upstate New York hadn't changed much, and he took his time going to his house. He walked past the school where he'd been bullied relentlessly and tried not to think about it too much. That was where Natalie went to school now, and he hoped she wasn't suffering there too. She'd most likely be at home now, though, with it being a week before Christmas. So that's where Jack went next, walking through the town he'd grown up in. He realized that he didn't even know if his family had moved since then, but when he got there he saw his dog, Louie, on the front porch. The old golden retriever looked older than Jack remembered, and he howled as Jack approached the house. Sniffing the air, Louie finally came bounding through the snow towards him, tongue lolling out and whimpering happily as he practically through himself at Jack. "Hey, buddy," he greeted, tears rising to his eyes as he pet the dog that had been his only friend for much of his life. He dropped to his knees in the snow and hugged Louie as the dog licked his face, and tears slid down Jack's face. There were no cars in the driveway and Jack hesitated before grabbing the key from under the mat, which was still there after all this time, and let the dog into the house. Jack stepped carefully into the house and looked around hesitantly, feeling like a stranger in his own home. The place looked different but smelled the same as he remembered, and he wandered around slowly. He decided to check out upstairs and was dismayed to see that his own room had been turned into storage and gathering dust. Natalie's room looked like how he'd expected, but it was somewhat barren for a teenage girl. It looked like she'd been there recently, though, with crumpled school papers on the desk and a mug of tea that was half empty, but Natalie wasn't there. Jack looked in the closet curiously and noticed that her suitcase was gone, which could only mean one thing; she was in the hospital again.

Jack headed back downstairs, making sure to not leave a trace, and began making his way to the hospital. He caught a bus and rode into the city where the hospital was, and within twenty minutes he was standing in the lobby uncertainly as he was signed in. He was led to the psychiatric critical care unit by a cheerful nurse, too cheerful, in Jack's opinion. Standing outside the door, he took a deep breath before knocking quietly and entering.

Natalie heard a gentle knock on the door, assuming it was her mom she didn't bother looking up. Her eyes remained on the TV. They must have looked empty and sad, glazed over a little by her medication. Not that it did anything for her anymore. Nothing ever did. The only thing to have come close had been her elder brother, Jack. But he was gone now. Buried in the ground somewhere or decomposing in a river. It should be concerning how peaceful the thought made her. It gave her closure over her brother instead of the alternative of guilting herself into the hope that somewhere, he was still out there.

Jack entered the room quietly, seeing Natalie before she saw him. She looked awful, terribly skinny and underweight, her long blond hair thin and ratty. Her skin was paler than it had been when Jack left, and the fresh scars stood out sharply. She was absolutely covered with scars, from blades and scissors and cigarettes and flames. The look in her eyes was hauntingly empty and blank and it made Jack feel sick. What had happened since he'd left? He took a few steps closer to the hospital bed she lay on. "Natalie," he said quietly, not knowing what else to say to her until she said something. He didn't know how she'd react to his presence there.

Natalie was quiet for a long time. That voice. It sounded so familiar yet alien to her. It was no longer one of comfort and safety but one of betrayal and hurt. "No," she whispered back, still staring at the TV. Her voice weak and frail from lack of hydration and sleep. That couldn't be him. Not now. Not after everything she'd had to deal with on her own. He couldn't do this to her.

Jack's heart sank and he forced himself to step closer and into her line of vision. "Natalie, it's me," he said in a broken voice. "It's Jack. I'm here, Nat." Jack couldn't bear the expression on her face, or the way she'd refused to look at him as if doing so would wake her up from the dreamlike state she appeared to be in.

Natalie remained still, despite Jack being in the way of the TV she still watched as if she could see right through him. "Jack's dead," she said cold and hollowly. Her brother had abandoned her like everyone else. Why should she accept that he was back just because it was convenient for him? No one ever came to see her because they wanted to. Only because they had to.

Jack couldn't breathe. This was so much worse than he'd imagined. He hadn't been in contact with her all this time and it made sense that she'd think him dead, but he wasn't expecting this. He followed her gaze to the television and then he went over and switched it off before he approached the bed and sat down in a chair beside it, leaning forward and swallowing thickly. "Natalie, I'm not dead," he said shakily, "I can explain everything if you'd give me a chance. I'm so sorry."

Natalie shrunk in on herself once the TV was turned off. The darkness closing back in. "No," she said simply, feebly trying to shake her head but she was too weak. "Leave," she insisted, looking around for the button that called the nurses in. She never thought she'd have to use that stupid thing. Then again, she never expected her brother to come back.

"Natalie, shh," Jack tried to soothe her, but it wasn't really effective when his own eyes were full of tears and he was trembling. He grabbed her searching hand before she could pull the emergency cord, because he just needed some time with her. It broke his heart that she refused to recognize him, but he didn't want to leave. "Peanut," he whispered, remembering the nickname he'd called her as a child. He was the only one to ever use that name, and nobody else knew about it. Not even their parents. He held her thin hand in his own and leaned closer to her to try and meet her dull eyes. "Peanut, it's me. Please don't do this, I'll explain why I left. Just give me another chance, please."

Natalie felt a hand curl around her own but she was too weak to move it. The nickname threw her off and she didn't know what to think. Jack was gone. Had been for so long. "Jelly?" she questioned, still confused and a little delirious from blood loss. Jelly was her brother. Little nicknames to keep them going through rough times. Of course now, they'd lost most of their meaning but that didn't mean they couldn't try to scavenge what little meaning was left.

Jack squeezed her hand a little harder and brought it up to his cheek. "Yes," he said weakly, feeling relief and sorrow wash over him. "Yeah, it's me, I'm here. I've got you." Jack kissed the back of her bony hand and held it between both of his near his cheek. Natalie looked worse than he'd ever seen her and he wondered what had happened to trigger it this time. It was painful to see and he wanted to look away, because this girl wasn't the little sister he remembered. "I'm so sorry, Peanut."

Natalie felt the warmth of his cheek against her skin and let out a small breath that resembled a sigh. "Jelly," she let out in a small rasp. "...you...have...to...go." She let her eyes slip closed as she tried to regain some energy. Enough to continue talking. She enjoyed the warmth of his hand, his presence for a moment long before letting her hand slip away like dead weight.

Jack shook his head and let out a choked sob as his sister began to fade into unconsciousness. "Nat," he whispered, "No, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." He held her hand after her eyes closed and she went limp, and then he looked at her arm. There were thick bandages on both of her wrists, and he assumed she'd tried cutting herself and bleeding to death this time. She'd tried it before and achieved nothing but deep scars that healed roughly. Her arms were lined with thin scars, some newer than others.

Natalie tried to hold on to warn him but she found herself falling under again. Her parents, Linda and Peter, soon entered the room, stopping dead when they saw their son by their daughter's bedside. "What are you doing here, Jack?" Peter demanded in a hushed, low voice. "We told you never to show your face here again." Linda quickly went to her daughters side, checking her over to make sure Jack hadn't caused any more damage to her.

Jack stood up immediately when he heard footsteps approaching the room and their parents walked in. He froze and stared at them wide-eyed, not knowing what to expect. He couldn't say anything, but simply watched as his mom hurried over to Natalie, and Jack reluctantly moved back. They didn't trust their own son around his little sister, but probably with good reason. Some of the things Jack had done that his parents didn't know about were bad enough to get him thrown in prison. He felt empty and broken inside. "I'm sorry," he whispered shakily, eyes cast down at the floor. "I just wanted to see Natalie."

Peter frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. "Well you've seen her. Now I'm going to have to ask you to leave," he said, voice still quiet for his daughter's sake. He didn't want to do anything to make her condition worse. "You've caused enough damage to her," Peter muttered under his breath as he escorted Jack from the room and closed the door behind him, shutting the blinds to give Jack the full message he wanted nothing to do with him.

Desperation and panic made Jack's heart speed up, and he twisted around in his father's grip to look back at Natalie as he struggled to get loose, but his father was a big, strong man with an iron grip on his arms and within moments Jack was locked outside the room without even getting to ask what his dad had meant when he said he'd caused enough damage to Natalie. He didn't even get to give her the letter from Jesse. "Fuck," he swore under his breath as he leaned his head on the closed door. "Please, I just need to see her," he called in a trembling voice, pressing his hands against the door.

Peter kissed his daughter's forehead before assuring his wife he'd deal with their son and headed outside, closing the door quietly behind him. "Boy, you've got two minutes to leave the premises before I call the cops," his father said in a serious manner, voice low and dangerous. "You've hurt my daughter one too many times. You've corrupted her. Made her think that homosexuality isn't a sin. You've reduced her to this!" Anger laced the man's tongue, his judgement clouded with anger as he pushed Jack up against the wall. "She was getting better until you turned into a fag. Sowed her mind with such terrible thoughts and urges. This is your fault. And you need to leave. Now."

Jack's eyes widened hopefully when the door opened and his dad came out, but his hope was lost when the door closed again and Peter looked at him angrily. Jack was just as angry, this wasn't right. "I'm your son," he replied in a tight voice, trying not to lose it just yet. "And Natalie is my sister. She was my best friend until you kicked me out. I've done nothing wrong to her, dad, how can you not see that?" As soon as it had been revealed that Jack was gay, the family had been in turmoil and the stress of the situation was enough to trigger Natalie again, apparently, but Jack wasn't there to see it. Angry tears streamed down Jack's face as he took a step closer to his father, standing up tall. "You don't know a thing about me," he hissed, "The things I've been through. I guess I'm glad you threw me out of the house, because I wouldn't be where I am today if you hadn't. I have friends, Dad. I'm in a relationship. I'm getting an education, and I'm happier away from you. It's not me I'm worried about, it's Natalie."

Peter's face grew redder. "I don't want to hear about your life. You have no right to call me dad. And you're not my son. Not anymore." He pushed Jack down the corridor a bit and away from Natalie's room. "Please leave. I won't ask again," he said stubbornly, seeing a security guard watching them closely. Jack wasn't welcome here. That much was clear. He hadn't been since destroying their family. Peter went back to Natalie's room, closing the door behind him quietly and tending back to his daughter.

Jack stared at Peter in horrified disbelief, every muscle in his body aching to lash out and tear and claw his way back in there to his sister. Natalie was part of Jack's family as much as she was part of Peter's, and was just wrong for Jack to be excluded so harshly. He stood in front of the door, too angry and upset to even move for a moment, and finally he turned around and punched the wall as hard as he could before sagging to the ground in the hallway with tears sliding down his face. Those were his parents, the two people who'd cared for him and loved him since he was a baby, and now they were treating him like an unwanted stranger. He'd forgotten what it felt like to be hugged by his mother, or patted on the shoulder by a proud father, and the most painful part of it was that they were right there, right in front of him, and no matter what he did he couldn't make them love him again. The deep, permanent ache in his chest hurt more than anything, more than his bruised hand.

The security guard watched as Jack punched the wall and quickly stepped in. "Come on, son," he said, trying to be sympathetic yet professional. "I think it's best that you go," he said gently yet firmly, escorting the young man from the building. He let a nurse quickly bandage up his hand before letting him leave, leaving him outside in the snow. No longer hospital's problem.

Jack barely registered anything that happened until he was alone, shivering outside in the snow. Back to square one. He was no longer wanted here, and Jesse's letter to Natalie burned a hole in his pocket. He needed to give it to her, just needed to do something to let her know that people loved her and wanted her to love herself. Jack headed back to his old house, which was no longer his home and never would be, and he let himself in once more. He left the note under Natalie's pillow in the hopes that she would find it. Only Jack knew this, but Natalie hated sleeping with a pillow and often pushed if off the bed in the night, and she'd hopefully find it then if their parents didn't get to it first.

There was nothing left for Jack to do, and nowhere for him to go. He was completely alone, exiled from his own home, and he went to the bus stop and sat in the cold. There was no place for him to go seek refuge, and he didn't have anyone to turn to. After a long time, he took out his cell phone and called Jesse, the one person that might offer him some comfort. "Jesse, are you back at college yet? I want to come h- back." He stopped himself from saying 'home', because he wasn't sure where home was anymore. He wasn't even sure he existed, let alone belonged somewhere.

Jesse had spent three days back at home before deciding to go back to college. Screw the holidays, his dad wasn't even home. So why bother being there for Christmas. He was sat on his bed, surfing the net when his phone went off. He frowned when he saw Jack's number flash up on screen. He thought he'd gone home. Why would he waste his time phoning him? Jesse wasn't worthy of his free him outside of college..was he? He picked up the phone and was welcomed to the voice of a distressed Jack. He sat up on the bed, worried. "Woah, sugar. Take a deep breath for me, okay? Yeah. I'm at college. Do...are you okay? Do you want me to come meet you somewhere? I'm in my room if you wanna come talk when you get back," he offered gently, unsure what was wrong with Jack.

Jack sighed shakily in relief and closed his eyes at the sound of a voice he'd come to associate with friendship and possibly something more. "I'm not really okay, but I'll be fine once I get back to the city. I'll explain when I get there... I just... I didn't want to go back alone, you know?" He swallowed tightly and sniffed, wiping tears from his eyes with a trembling hand. He could see the bus approaching down the street, and he reached into his pocket for some money. "I'm glad you're there, Jes," he said in a quiet voice, barely audible, "I'll be there in about five hours, I've got a train to catch."

Jesse's heart sunk at the sound of Jack's broken voice. "It'll be okay," he assured with a strong, confident voice. "I'll be here waiting for you," he said with a nod Jack couldn't see. He was worried something had happened to his sister that'd made Jack so upset. He didn't want to think the worst. "I'll get in some hot chocolate and download Lord of the Rings for you and we'll have a long talk, okay?" he said gently, trying to cheer and calm Jack down. "Just get some sleep on the train and I'll be waiting for you when you get back, okay sugar?"

Jack smiled through his tears and swallowed painfully around the lump in his throat at Jesse's kindness. He didn't know what he'd done to deserve such a caring friend, but Jesse was all he had and he was scared that he'd lose him, too. It was a moment before he could speak, and the bus was slowing down at the curb in front of him. "Thanks, Jes," he choked out, "I've got to go, the bus just got here. I'm so lucky to have you, you know that? " He ended the call and climbed onto the bus to begin the journey back to New York City.

Jesse smiled into the phone as Jack said he was lucky to have him. "I love you," he said suddenly without realizing. His heart was in his mouth. Holy crap did he just say that? Thankfully Jack had already hung up but Jesse had told him he loved him. What the hell was wrong with him? His friend was hurting and he had to proclaim his love now? Great timing, Jesse. "Fuck," he cursed, dropping the phone in his lap. He'd fallen. It was official. Not just some dumb crush anymore. Jesse was getting in too deep and wasn't sure how to escape. He decided to push it aside for now and set on making Jack happy. By not telling him and focussing on making him feel better. By making his bed, tidying his room and downloading Lord of the Rings to his laptop.

The journey back was dull and blurred, Jack sleeping on and off for most of it. When he finally arrived at New York City and took a bus back to the college, it was late evening, and he trudged up to his room to drop his stuff off. The hallways were empty and silent, and Jack was tired of being alone. He quickly changed into some pajamas and then took a deep breath, composing himself before he went into Jesse's room. He let himself in without a word and as soon as he saw his friend there waiting for him, he just broke down and walked straight into Jesse's arms, letting out a shaky breath as he hid his face in a hoodie-covered shoulder.

Jesse took a shower, took a nap and waited for Jack. When the young man finally returned he ran straight into his arms and all Jesse could do was hold him. "Shh, it's okay," he soothed, rubbing his hand over Jack's back. "I've got you. You're with friends here. Okay? Just let it all out." He ran a hand through Jack's hair like a mother would do, trying to see his face but it was too tightly buried in his shoulder to see. "Come on, sugar. Come sit down and I'll make us some hot chocolate."

Jack could hardly breathe, he was sobbing so hard. He hadn't cried like this since the night he'd been kicked out of his house, because it felt like it was happening all over again. He was shaking so violently that he didn't think he could stand up anymore, and he followed Jesse's advice and moved to the bed to sit down. Every negative emotion that he'd kept inside was exploding out of him all at once and he was losing control. He was crying so hard that no sounds were even coming out, he was just shaking and choking on his breath.

Jesse made sure Jack had managed to sit down before going to make hot chocolate. He came back with two cups and handed one to Jack, sitting close to him. He took a sip of his own, resting his free hand on Jack's knee. "That's it, deep breaths. You've got it. Just keep breathing," he soothed in a calm voice, rubbing small circles into Jack's leg, trying to calm him down.

Jack took the cup absently and looked at it, not feeling like drinking it quite yet. He set it down on the desk beside Jesse's bed and then ran his hands through his hair, looking down at Jesse's hand on his knee. He put his own hand over Jesse's and held on tight, not wanting him to let go and leave him. He rested his forehead on Jesse's shoulder and tried to breathe, and eventually he was calm enough to speak more coherently. "I saw my sister," he explained shakily, "She's been hospitalized again and she looks worse than I've ever seen her, and my parents came in and told me to fuck off and kicked me out and banned me from ever visiting again and I don't have a home and I have nowhere to go," He was rambling and muttering unhappily, forcing the words out before he could change his mind. Jesse was the only person he could trust now, the only one who was there for him. "I don't have a family, Jes," he sobbed, "I-I'm not... Natalie... I didn't even get to give her the note you wrote her. I had to leave it in the house and I d-don't even know if she'll get it."

Jesse leaned over Jack, setting his mug down and used his now free hand to wrap around Jack's waist and hold him close. "Jack..I'm..I'm so sorry," he whispered into the other's hair, rubbing soothing circles into his back. "I...It may not mean much to you but..you'll always find family in me. I know we haven't known each other that long but I'd like to think you could come to me with your problems. Even the tiniest of things that you don't see as important because I care about you, Jack." He had to stop talking at this point, getting too emotional himself. He was committing himself to Jack by this point and that scared the hell out of him. "I'm sure Natalie will see the note. If not, she got to see you at least, right? That's what's important."

Jack swallowed and pressed a hand against his eyes, shivering with relief as Jesse held him and let him cry against his shoulder. He was afraid, scared that this would be the last straw and Jesse would change his mind and leave him, because everyone always left him. His family had abandoned him, his first love Matt had betrayed him, and Rick, the man he lived with that one harsh winter had treated him like shit. If there was one thing he'd learned from all of this, it was not to trust anybody, but somehow Jesse had worked his way past all of Jack's defenses. "You're so good to me, Jes," he whispered in a pained voice, but he was scared of being betrayed again. "Natalie didn't even want to see me... she told me to leave. They hate me."

Jesse shook his head. "Family is a pain in the butt. She's going through a tough time right now," he said assuringly. "Just give her time. Send her letters or something. Keep letting her know you're here for her and not just when it's convenient to you," he said softly, trying to give Jack even the smallest of hopes to believe those he loved most hadn't given up on him. He knew what that felt like and it was not a nice feeling. "I'm only good to ya because you deserve it, sugar," he said lightly, trying to keep Jack from sinking too deep.

Jack listened to Jesse's reassuring words and bit back a sob. It was nice of Jesse to try and comfort him but Jack knew it was pointless. His parents wouldn't let Natalie keep in contact with Jack, but Jesse didn't know that. But the thing that really broke Jack's heart was that Jesse actually thought he was worth something, when he really wasn't. He let go of Jesse's shirt then and curled in on himself, wrapping his arms up over his head and clawing at the back of his neck in misery. He was hurting so much, he couldn't even breathe. All he could do was shake his head over and over again, muttering, "I'm not I don't deserve it I don't deserve someone like you why are you so good to me you don't even know the things I've done in the past you don't even know me..." All his words jumbled together into a long stream of consciousness.

Jesse's heart broke when Jack started rambling about not deserving his attention and love. "I don't care," he said simply, trying to get Jack to calm down. "What you did in the past..I'm sure you did it for a reason. I'm not judging you, Jack. What matters to me is who you are now." He kissed Jack's forehead tenderly and stroked his hair soothingly. "You're Jack Murphy. You like Lord of the Rings and pasta with Pesto. You have a sister who you love unconditionally and you once broke your arm when you fell off your bike when you were eight. I know enough to know I care about you deeply, Jack, and I couldn't bear it to see you get hurt."

Jack completely lost it and sagged against Jesse, letting the other man take all his weight and hold him up, because Jack just couldn't stay upright anymore. His eyes stung with tears and he couldn't stop crying and shaking. Having somebody comfort you was supposed to make you feel better, he thought, so why did he just feel worse with everything Jesse said. He'd never had anybody care about him like this, he'd never had a true friend he could count on. And the fact that Jesse remembered all those little things about him hurt even worse. Jack buried his face in Jesse's chest and held on tightly, wrapping his arms around him and not wanting to let go. "Jes, you're my best friend," he murmured brokenly, tears still stinging his eyes as sobs wracked his body. "I... I know you don't do the whole commitment relationship thing but I just... I don't know what it is, you just get me."

Jesse tensed a little as Jack started talking about relationships. "J-Jack I...I don't do them because..." He paused. Was he really going to tell Jack the story? This was supposed to be about Jack not him. Anything to distract him from dark thoughts, he thought. "I...every relationship I've had...the guy cheats on me." He let that sink in, even for himself before continuing, holding onto Jesse tight. "Jesus, Jack. You're incredible. If I weren't such an ass I would have asked you out instead of boning you that first night but..but I got scared. Every guy I date breaks my heart and I was scared of it happening again." Jesse didn't mention that he'd already fallen for Jack and that possibility was creeping up on him again but the thought still laid fresh in his mind. "This past few months..it's been amazing. Better than anything I've ever had. I know..this isn't...relationship...exactly..but it's nice. Making out and watching you watch Star Wars in my bed with your special pillows shaped like angry birds. It...It's perfect. You're perfect."

Jack sat up a little bit and looked at Jesse, feeling his heart swell with an unknown emotion. He didn't know what was happening but it was something that might have been there all along. He panicked and quickly pushed the hopeful thoughts aside, not wanting to think about it. He wrapped his arms around Jesse's neck instead, pressing their cheeks together as he hugged him, and then he backed away and gently cupped Jesse's face with both hands, staring deeply into his eyes. "Why would anybody cheat on you," he murmured sadly, leaning forward and resting their foreheads together. "You're the sweetest guy I've ever met, even though I kind of hated you at first, but now it's like..." he trailed off, eyes wide and scared. "I don't know what we're doing, Jes. I mean... I'm not... I've got monsters in my past that you really don't want to see," he warned, "I don't deserve someone like you, I feel like this isn't really happening, like it's a dream."

Jesse closed his eyes as Jack pressed close, pressing their foreheads together. "I'm an asshole, Jack," he said with a small shrug. "I make too many jokes and am way too attractive for some to understand I have feelings too." He swallowed thickly, shaking his head. "Doesn't matter. We all have monsters, Jay," he said softly, stroking Jack's cheek. "I'm not askin' to see 'em. I'm not denying to either. It's your decision whether you want me to see them or not. Just know that I'm here if you need me to carry the monsters with you." He paused, laughing a little. "Sorry. That sounds lame..but you know what I mean. I'm here for you." He pressed his lips to Jack's cheek but didn't move away just rested his face there. "I've got monsters too, Jay," he whispered in his ear, pressing a chaste kiss to the skin there. "Don't make me out to be some knight in shining armour. Granted, my ass looks good in metal briefs but I'm not as awesome as you think I am. If anything..I should be kissin' your feet to even get this close to you."

Jack laughed through his tears and closed his eyes again, that unknown feeling spreading through his chest. He felt warm and protected here with Jesse, and every gentle little touch soothed him into a state of relaxation, and eventually he was able to stop crying and just leaned against Jesse tiredly. He turned his head a little to clumsily find Jesse's lips with his own and kissed him briefly before just resting against his shoulder and sighing deeply. He shivered as Jesse kissed his ear gently. "I've never felt like this before," he admitted nervously, "I don't... I don't know what's happening, Jes. I feel like I'm spiraling out of control, but not in an entirely bad way, if that makes any sense."

Jesse nodded a little, carding a hand through Jack's hair. "It makes sense," he said with a shaky breath. "And Jesus, Jay, I'm so fucking terrified of feeling like this. I don't want to get hurt again but I can't help it. I'm falling for you, man." He took a deep breath just holding Jack tight, afraid he might leave. "You're like the Arwen to my Aragon or something. I want you but I can't have you. I have to keep you safe."

Jack couldn't believe what he was hearing. He looked into Jesse's eyes, breathless with awe, and he wondered what Jesse could possibly see in him that was worth falling for. It was such a foreign feeling, being wanted like this. Wanted and respected, most of all. He'd never believed in himself, and all he wanted was somebody constant, who'd be there for him and support him and love him. Was that what this feeling in his chest was? Love? Jack had certainly felt it towards others before, but he had no idea how it felt to _be_ loved. "You can have me," he whispered hesitantly after a long moment, "Jesse, you can have me. I promise I'll never hurt you."


	62. Chapter 62

Jesse's heart was pounding against his chest. Jack wanted him back, was that what was happening? He opened his mouth to speak but no words came. "Jay, I...I don't know. You can't promise that." What if Jack realized just how amazing he was and dumped him knowing he could do so much better. It was bound to happen. Jack was smart and gorgeous and sweet and any guy was bound to want him. It was only a matter of time that Jack realized this and found someone better. He held Jack tighter, wishing this wouldn't happen. "I don't think I'm ready for that sort of commitment," he said softly, pressing his lips back to the shell of Jack's ear. "I'm sorry. I'm...I'm too afraid."

Jack nodded in understanding, blinking a few stray tears back. He held Jesse close and stroked his hair softly, biting his lip as Jesse's mouth brushed against his ear again. It was something so intimate and simple and it had Jack nearly swooning, because he'd never experienced anything like this before. "It's okay," he soothed, "I'll wait for you. Whenever you're ready." He pulled away slightly and kissed Jesse's lips tenderly, something they'd done many times since they'd known each other but never really thought about. No commitments being made, no label to their relationship, and no strings attached. But there was something already there that Jack knew would make it harder to leave.

Jesse's eyelids fluttered closed as the other kissed him gently. It felt so good, warmth rushing through his body. The tingly sensation that coursed through him whenever he saw the other. It felt good to feel good again. Jack was okay with not labelling them. Adding the extra pressure of what they were. They could just be them. Jesse and Jack. He kissed him again, keeping his hand at the base of Jack's neck to keep him close as he held their lips together in a long, meaningful kiss. Once he pulled away, he stroked Jack's cheek and patted the bed beside him once he'd crawled up to the top. "Wanna watch Lord of the Rings and order Chinese?" he said with a cheerful grin, trying to look like his old self and cheer Jack up.

Jack's breath hitched when Jesse kissed him again and kept him close, and when they parted he could breathe again, and he smiled gratefully at Jesse. "Yeah, that sounds good," he said shyly, moving back up towards the top of the bed and lying down beside Jesse. Whatever they were didn't matter because a label wouldn't change anything. Jack didn't know what he'd been looking for all this time, but he was pretty sure he'd found it in Jesse. There was something about him that made Jack just open up and bare his soul willingly, and he felt safe with Jesse. "I'm not very hungry, don't order anything for me." He shrugged apologetically. An explanation wasn't necessary because he'd had a pretty shitty couple of days and he just didn't have an appetite.

Jesse nodded, setting up his laptop for the movie. "I'll just order mine and you can have some if you want some," he said with a shrug. He ordered the food and twenty minutes later he'd gone down to pick up the delivery and swung by Jack's to get his favourite angry bird pillows. Within the hour they'd set up, snuggled down together and were watching the movie contently in the dark. It was when Boromir died that Jesse started to complain. "How can you watch this stuff? It's so sad."

Jack was comfortable and felt safe, which was a strange feeling for him, especially given his past. He'd learned that nobody was to be trusted but that didn't stop him from wanting to trust people and be loved, and whatever Jesse was doing really made Jack feel like a completely different person. For the first time in a long time, somebody actually cared about his feelings and wasn't using or manipulating him. Jesse wasn't asking for anything from him right now because Jack had nothing to give but himself, entirely. He'd made that mistake in the past and had been punished for it, but with Jesse it was different, and Jack didn't know what exactly that meant. All he did know was that right now, in Jesse's bed snuggled up to his side with the scent of Chinese food in the air and Lord of the Rings playing quietly on Jesse's laptop, Jack felt safe. He shrugged. "It's not that bad," He said, "I don't know, these movies just kind of distract me, I guess. They kind of let me forget everything for a while... I used to watch them with Natalie all the time when we were kids." Jack often found himself disappearing into a fantasy world, and he supposed it was his way of coping with reality.

Jesse was silent for a while before nodding. He didn't exactly get how watching loveable characters die made someone feel content but he got that Jack need to escape. If he used Lord of the Rings as an outlet then so be it, he'd encourage him as best he could instead of shunning his favourite movies. "What's your favourite bit?" he asked softly, setting his pot of food down and curled an arm around Jack, snuggling up against his side and held him properly, sharing his heat as best he could.

Jack pulled the blanket up over them more and smiled contentedly, completely relaxed in the warm circle of Jesse's arms. He rested his cheek against Jesse's shoulder and thought for a moment. "Hmm, I like the part when they have to drop the ring back into Mount Doom," he murmured, "I don't know, it's just really intense." He shrugged sheepishly and looked over at Jesse. He was silent for a moment before he kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you," he whispered.

Jesse listened to him Jack talk and smiled softly when he kissed him on the cheek. Jesse leaned forward just enough to press a lingering kiss to Jack's lips. "No problem, sugar," he whispered back before settling again next to Jack, eventually falling asleep with Jack in his arms and Lord of the Rings still playing absently in the background.

The stress of the day had drained him, and Jack found himself drifting off to sleep and letting himself go. He knew he was safe here because he kept reminding himself that he was, and Jesse was letting him stay here in his bed. They didn't share a bed very often, usually when they were drunk or too tired to move, but now both of them were sober and Jesse was holding him and not letting go even in sleep. It put a smile on Jack's face and he moved a little closer and fell asleep.

It's a new term, the holidays are over. Christmas was a bit weird but pleasant. He'd stayed on campus with Jack and they'd watched Battle Star Galactica season one. They'd made out a lot. Fooled around but nothing more yet. It felt more intimate this time around and Jesse was taking his time. Castiel had come back, excited to show off his wedding ring and photos. Jesse was happy for him, but it did raise up the issue of relationships again. He'd been trying to ignore them like the plague, not wanting to think what he and Jack were. It was one week into the new term when Jesse finally decided.

He and Jack were lying in bed, Castiel had late night rehearsals. Jack's head was in his lap whilst they watched a movie together in the dark. "Will you be my boyfriend?" Jesse asked quickly, knowing Jack was looking at the screen, he kept his own eyes focused on the movie, trying to keep casual, despite how nervous he was.

Jack froze when Jesse said the words he'd been hoping to hear for ages, except now it was actually happening. He couldn't believe it. He turned his head slowly and stared up at Jesse, pushing himself up so they were level. His mouth suddenly went dry and his heart was pounding faster, and he swallowed thickly. "Huh?" He asked stupidly after a moment, still processing what he'd just heard. "I... yes," he said breathlessly, smiling slowly. "Yes." He leaned forward and closed the short distance between them for a passionate kiss, wrapping his arms around Jesse and holding him.

Jesse swallowed his nerves and kissed Jack back just as eagerly. "I'm..I'm sorry it took so long to ask," he whispered, pushing Jack's hair out of his face and pecked his lips again. "I just...I needed to be sure." He kissed him again lightly and hugged him tight, resting his chin against Jack's shoulder, letting out a shaky breath. He'd been so nervous. He didn't want to ruin what they had or hurt either of them. They'd both had poor pasts. It was about time they had something good. And who knows, maybe they found it in one another.

Jack smiled in relief and hugged Jesse back, loving the feel of Jesse's warm body in his arms. He'd been in love with this boy for a while but refused to admit it to himself, afraid of being betrayed or hurt. But now that he had him, and Jesse had actually committed to this relationship, Jack felt like he could breathe easier. "I... Jes, I think I love you," he said quietly, and then he immediately regretted saying it. It was way too soon for that, and knowing Jesse, it was probably too much. "Sorry," he added regretfully, "I didn't..." he trailed off with a sigh and backed away enough to look at Jesse apologetically.

Jesse swallowed thickly, shaking his head. "Jack..it's good. It's okay," he assured shakily, rubbing his hand up and down Jack's arm. "I'm just...I'm not ready to say that just yet. You understand, right? You know I care for you a lot. That I'd do anything for you?" He pulled Jack back into a hug, not wanting to talk about it further. Jack loved him and that scared the crap out of him. No one had ever said it to him first. It was always him telling someone and them saying it back.

Jack's heart sank and he looked down, somewhat relieved when Jesse hugged him again and they didn't have to look at each other. He didn't want Jesse to see how much that one little denial had hurt him, but he didn't really expect much more than that anyway. He would be satisfied with this for now, but he craved the commitment that Jesse couldn't give. He'd thought he was different, that Jesse saw something worthwhile in him, and while that was true it still stung a little that Jesse couldn't return Jack's feelings.

Jesse sighed heavily, kissing Jack's temple. He felt horrible. He knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end of this. But he was determined to show Jack it wasn't the same because he still cared for him and wanted to love him. He just wasn't ready to fully expose himself like that yet. He needed time. "Jay, you're good for me. I may not be able to say it but I want you to know it's there. I care for you..so much..and, I'm afraid if I say it..something bad might happen and that scares me." He held Jack close, closing his eyes, making the bad memories go away.

Jack nodded and then sighed, forcing a small smile to let Jesse know it was okay. "Don't worry about it, Jes," he said, "Just pretend I didn't say it and I'll wait until you're ready, alright? I'll never hurt you. You've been so good to me, and patient, and you've put up with my shit and even though I'm probably too clingy you still haven't pushed me away. I have faith in you and I care about you a lot, and I won't ask for anything you're not ready to give me."

Jesse's heart swelled at Jack's words. He cupped his cheek lightly, pressing a soft kiss to Jack's lips. "Thank you," he whispered, still feeling guilty for not being able to say it back. He took a deep breath and smiled tiredly. "So..do you..when we're out. You think we can call each other boyfriend now? Be like...relationship-y and stuff? I've never really done that stuff before. Well..not..not when I'm deluding myself into thinking I'm happy."

Jack chuckled a little bit at Jesse's question and he nodded. "If you're comfortable with it. Do you mean like you wanna tell people about it? That we're...boyfriends?" Jack smiled and kissed Jesse again just because he could. They'd been doing this for ages, it seemed like, and it was just natural for their undefined relationship, but now Jack felt like their affections were more justified.

Jesse nodded timidly and met Jack halfway in the kiss. "Yeah. I..I think I'd like that," he said with a small smile. "You'll be my boyfriend but more importantly, my best friend." He kissed Jack's cheek with a _mwah _sound and rested their cheeks together. "I can't believe..I got this far, y'know? After my last break-up I never thought I'd trust myself to feel this way again."

Jack smiled and gently cradled the back of Jesse's head, fingers playing with his hair tenderly. He still didn't know the whole story of Jesse's last break up and what made him this way, reluctant to be in relationships for longer than a few weeks and not wanting to get attached. It must have ended horribly to make Jesse this unhappy and scared of love, but it only made Jack more determined to be there for Jesse no matter what and restore his faith in love.

Jesse let out a shaky breath, leaning into Jack's supporting hands. "Doesn't matter. I've got you now," he said with a small smile. "I trust you." He let his eyes slip closed and his body sag against Jack a little, holding him up too as much as he could. "Think you'll dedicate a song to me?" he teased, nudging him playfully with his elbow, trying to lighten the mood.

Jack chuckled and ruffled Jesse's hair before pulling away to look at him cheekily. "Maybe," he shrugged with a small smirk, "Only if you give me ideas, though." The truth was, Jack had already been working on a song that may or may not be about Jesse, or at least inspired by him. He'd been working on it for about a week, since the beginning of the new term, and Jesse didn't know about it yet.

Jesse grinned, leaning back on the bed and wiggled his eyebrows at Jack. "Well, surely my epic body would be inspiration enough," he teased with a slight chuckle. He started pulling poses to prove his point, trying to distract Jack and cheer him up and make him feel good. He felt like if there was something he could bring to their relationship, it would be laughter.

Jack grinned and shoved Jesse playfully before climbing up his body and leaning over him, the movie forgotten in the background. He smiled softly at Jesse and then kissed him slowly, and neither of them spoke for a few minutes. "You want me to write a song praising your body?" He murmured, amused. "Hmm, I'll think about it, babe."

Jesse grinned as Jack straddled him. His own hand rested lightly against his thigh to keep him in place as they kissed. "Mm, most definitely," he said cheekily. "Because let's be honest. This body is the best." He wiggled his eyebrows at Jack and grinned. "People would come from miles around just to hear about this body, Jay. And you're lucky enough to have it all to yourself."

"Ever heard of modesty?" Jack muttered darkly, rolling his eyes with a little smirk. He kissed Jesse again and again, and then nuzzled against his neck. "And if I have it all to myself, why would I want to write a song about it and have people knowing things about you that only I know? Like the fact that you have a triangular birthmark right here?" He slid a hand down between Jesse's legs and touched his left inner thigh. "How about a song titled My Boyfriend's Triangular Birthmark?"

Jesse pouted. "Well, that's the last time I wear shorts with you around." He swatted Jack's hand away half-heartedly and grinned. "I don't know. To boast? To show everyone what a piece of eye candy you have draped on your arm?" Jesse winked, leaning up to kiss Jack again and keep him close. "And that's not a birthmark," he protested after some time. "That's chocolate, idiot," he said adoringly.

Jack laughed into Jesse's neck and kissed the skin there before pushing himself up a little bit and pulling the blanket down to expose Jesse's legs. Smiling playfully, he pushed up Jesse's boxers around his thigh and looked at his leg. "That's definitely a birthmark," he commented, looking at the small, pale triangle-shaped mark. It wasn't raised above the skin and it basically just looked like a giant freckle, just a slightly darker patch of skin. "Are you seriously telling me that you've had chocolate stuck to your leg for months?" Jack leaned down and kissed the spot on Jesse's leg, tongue darting out to taste the skin. He grinned smugly and shook his head. "Definitely not chocolate."

Jesse nodded. "Yup. I like to have something sugar coated on hand when you're not around," he smirked. His breath hitched when Jack licked his thigh and confirmed it was a birthmark. "Well maybe you're just not licking hard enough," he argued playfully, folding his arms over his chest and pouted. He raised a challenging eyebrow to Jack but left it at that, just wanting to have playful fun.

"You're gonna turn diabetic with your sugar addiction," Jack shot back, raising an eyebrow at Jesse. "It's gotten to the point where you've resorted to licking your own leg when I'm not here? Wow, that's pathetic. And maybe you're right, I might not be licking hard enough." Jack smirked and went back down on Jack's leg, closing his lips over the birthmark and sucking lightly. He teasingly dragged his teeth over Jesse's skin and looked up at him with a smirk. "Still not chocolate," he insisted.

Jesse chuckled, rolling his eyes. The laughter stopped and turned into a breathless moan when Jack sucked at his thigh. "Maybe..maybe you're just not sucking hard enough. You've gotta remember that thing's been on there for months," he said with a small smile, his hand tangling into Jack's hair lightly to caress the scalp.

Jack snorted in amusement and licked slowly over Jesse's skin and then sealed his lips over it again and sucked harder this time, grinning at Jesse's reactions to what Jack was doing. He held onto Jesse's hips to steady himself as he moved up Jesse's body, teasingly dragging his lips and chin over Jesse's boxers as he looked up at him with a small smile.

Jesse almost forgot how to breath with the way Jack was looking at him. His hand still in his hair, he gently moved him to come face to face with him so he could kiss him briefly, brushing their noses together in the process. "You, Mr Murphy, will be the death of me," he said with a smirk, kissing Jack again. "And although you may be right about that particular piece of skin, this is most certainly chocolate," he said, holding up his free hand and showing a smudge of chocolate on his wrist from where they'd had some earlier.

Jack took Jesse's hand and brought it to his mouth to slowly lick the smear of melted chocolate off his skin. "Mm, yeah. That's definitely chocolate," he murmured, kissing the palm of Jesse's hand and then leaning over him again. He gazed down at Jesse thoughtfully, trying to see inside his head and what he was thinking about, why he was scared and what had happened to make him so unwilling to trust people.

Jesse chuckled, watching Jack kiss and touch him gently. It felt nice. They did stuff like this anyway but after becoming boyfriends it felt more intimate and serious and that excited and scared the hell out of him. Jack was staring at him thoughtfully and Jesse ran a hand through the other's hair before cupping his cheek, letting his thumb run over his lower lip. "What you thinking about, sugar?" he asked softly, tilting his head to try and catch Jack's eyes.

"I was about to ask you the same question," Jack whispered, kissing the tip of Jesse's nose. He loved being like this with Jesse, just gentle touches and kisses and murmured voices, it made him feel warm and complete. "What happened, Jes? Why are you afraid to fall in love?" He asked gently, stroking Jesse's face with his fingertips. He traced over the thin steel bar of his eyebrow piercing and then trailed his fingers down to Jesse's neck and then turned them both on their sides so they could lie facing each other in the bed.

Jesse's features hardened a little when Jack asked him about his past. He didn't like talking about it but the way Jack made them lie down and touch each other gently. It made him feel relaxed and safe to talk about it. "I've never..." how would he phrase this? "I've never..been in a healthy relationship." He swallowed thickly, letting his fingertips trail over Jack's cheek. "I've had four boyfriends. Each one used me for sex. Treated me like an object. Not an equal. They'd cheat on me but I was too stupid and smitten to leave them. They'd tell me no one else would want me and I believed them. I'd forgave them and beg them to take me back." Jesse took a deep breath, sighing softly. "The worst was Ben. Three years of my life. Gone. I loved him..thought I did. He manipulated me, abused me..I..it made me write off relationships. Love." He wouldn't look at Jack. Too ashamed about his past. A history no one else knew.

Jack hadn't expected Jesse to actually share anything with him when he'd asked, because it was a huge invasion of privacy and Jack really had no right to ask Jesse to tell him anything from the past. It saddened him deeply to hear what Jesse was telling him, and he moved closer on the bed and wrapped his arm protectively over Jesse's shoulders and rubbed his back gently. Jesse wasn't even looking at him, and Jack's heart ached for Jesse's. "You've given everything in the past and gotten nothing in return," Jack said, making sense of it all. "And you're reluctant to love anyone else because you've been hurt so many times." He kissed Jesse's lips softly. "It's okay, Jes. I get it, I can understand what you've been through because something similar happened to me, so you know that I would never do that to you, right? I lo- really like you and I promise I'll never tell you a lie or cheat on you or hurt you in any way."

Jesse finally met Jack's eyes when he said something similar had happened to him. Who in their right mind would do that to someone like Jack? He kissed him apologetically and smiled sadly. "I know. You're sweet and considerate and..I trust you but..you've got to understand why I was so hesitant. I just had to make sure you wouldn't turn into a jerk after two weeks." He kissed Jack again and nuzzled close to him. "Mm, smell so good," he murmured, a smirk tracing his lips. "Oh wait. That's me."

Jack nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I understand completely and I felt the same, to be honest." Jesse could definitely be a little blunt and didn't always think before he spoke, which might give people the wrong idea, but after getting to know him, it was clear that Jesse wasn't nearly as confident and proud as he acted. "Well, it's been like three months and I still haven't turned into a jerk, so where does that put me?" He asked with an affectionate smile. "And yeah, you do smell good. Like chocolate."

Jesse smirked, turning them over so Jack was on top of him. "Between my legs," he answered with a proud smirk, wiggling his eyebrows. He could never talk about serious things for too long. It was hard. He had to deflate and make things seem simpler and funnier if he was to talk about his past like this. He let his legs wrap around Jack lightly and he kissed his nose playfully, chuckling to himself at his own joke.

Jack knew that they were done talking about that particular topic, and he smiled tiredly at Jesse as Jes repositioned them so Jack was on top with Jesse's legs wrapped around his waist. Now that he knew a little bit about Jesse's past, it was very clear that Jesse wasn't as happy and carefree as he appeared, and even right now he was slipping behind that mask again after revealing what was inside of him that nobody else knew about. "Ha ha, you're hilarious," he muttered sarcastically.

"I'm hysterical," he agreed dryly, a large grin covering his face. "Comical, amusing, humorous," he listed dramatically, grinning up at Jack still. "Some might say I'm, waggish," he said, wiggling his eyebrows playfully, chuckling to himself. "C'mere sugar, let me show you how funny I can be," he said, pulling Jack down into a deep kiss, pulling faces as he did so. Being silly to make Jack laugh.

Jack laughed into the kiss, which was sloppy and uncoordinated with Jesse being a complete idiot and making strange movements with his face as they kissed. "You're such a weirdo, Jes," Jack said affectionately, his voice soft and his gaze softer. All those traits Jesse had used to jokingly describe himself were true, and Jack didn't know if Jesse really thought those things about himself or was just saying them sarcastically. "Do you know how amazing you are?" He asked seriously, "You are kind and considerate and friendly, not to mention talented and smart. You're my best friend, Jes." It saddened Jack to think of anybody having the nerve to hurt Jesse.

Jesse laughed, continuing to make weird faces when Jack called him a weirdo. He'd been called it before but with Jack it was light-hearted and affectionate. It didn't hurt as much when Jack said it. His laughter subsided when Jack praised him. He smiled slightly, shrugging his shoulders. "You're my best friend, Jay," he said, not sure what to say about all the nice things Jack called him. He'd spent his life being called a slut, a freak..a nobody. It physically hurt him to listen to someone praise him for being something he's not. "I'm not," he said, shaking his head. "I've got a fine body and $28m to my name. I'm just a rich loser."

Jack growled slightly and kissed Jesse again to shut him up. "Stop it," he ordered, "You are not a loser. Just because your dad's got fame and money doesn't mean that you're nothing. Don't throw down my opinion of you, Jes. I happen to think you're great. You're so much more than a hot body and a load of cash."

Jesse tensed a little when Jack started telling him he was worth more. He swallowed thickly and responded the only way he knew how. Bitterly. "Sugar that's just me. My dad would laugh in the face of $28 million. That's my money when I'm 21 and I've had assholes riding me ever since for it." He shook his head, pushing Jack away lightly. "Babe, all my life I've been a failure, a disappointment. A freak. A..A nobody. I'm sorry but it's gonna take more than a few kind words for me to believe it. I'm sorry."

Jack shook his head, his face hard. "Shut up," he said sharply, "I don't care about any of that stuff. It doesn't change who you are or what I see in you. I was homeless for years, but I'm not after your money and I never will be. And I just don't see how you can think you're a failure or a disappointment. Yeah, you're not perfect, nobody is, but you're so much better than you think you are." He sighed and put his hands on either side of Jesse's face. "If a few kind words won't convince you, what will?" He asked gently.

Jesse's eyes widened. "You..you were homeless?" he asked softly. He hadn't known about that. He barely knew much about Jack's past. Whenever he spoke about it, it was always about Natalie. He bit his lip, leaning into Jack's touch. "I...I don't know...I...more than just words I guess. Nothing you can do. It's something I've got to start believing myself. It's not enough for you to believe for the both of us."

Jack rested his forehead against Jesse's and closed his eyes. "Well, how about for starters, you stop feeling sorry for yourself. I guess it's hard being in your dad's shadow and having people take advantage of you because of him, but feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to help you start believing in yourself." He kissed Jesse gently. "Everything you do should mean something," he murmured, "Do it all for a reason and you'll start to see yourself better." That was the advice Jack had been living by since he'd started going to school here and beginning a new chapter in his life.

Jesse smiled softly, leaning into Jack's touch. "I'm sorry, you're right. I've gotta start giving purpose to things." He kissed Jack briefly and moved back to lie on the bed, pulling Jack down with him to lie above him. "You're so wonderful, Jay. How did I ever get so lucky to get a second chance with you?" he whispered dreamily, sighing to himself as he gazed up into Jack's eyes.

Jack's breath hitched as Jesse looked at him with such an adoring expression of wonder. He slid a hand up Jesse's chest and rested it over his heart to feel the steady beat there. He didn't have an answer for Jesse, because Jesse didn't even know all of the things he'd done in the past, all of the things other people had done to him, and the Jack he was seeing wasn't the same person that Jack really was. He blushed and hid his face in Jesse's neck, sighing sadly.

Jesse looked at Jack curiously and petted his hair. "Shh, it's okay. I'm sorry I was an ass back then," he said in a hushed whisper. "It won't happen again, I promise. I'll treat you right. Keep you safe. I won't use you like that again. I was an idiot to treat you like that but you've given me a second chance and I promise you I won't take it for granted."

Jack closed his eyes and kissed Jesse's neck gratefully and took a slow, deep breath. He pushed himself up on his elbows on either side of Jesse's head and looked down at him thoughtfully. "I know you will," he said, completely certain that Jesse wouldn't make that mistake again. "I just..." he shook his head and closed his eyes again. "You don't really know that much about me, do you."

Jesse watched Jack move above him, clearly struggling with himself. "Well..no..but what I know. I like," he said with a small smile, reaching up to caress Jack's cheek. "And when you're completely ready..and feel 100% comfortable telling me then I'll gladly listen to what you have to say about your past. But until then, I'm not pressuring you to tell me. I'm willing to wait and just enjoy what we have until you're ready."

Jack bit his lip in frustration and looked at Jesse again. "No, you should know. I can't just... you need to know what you're getting into here, I'm really not as cute and harmless as you think I am. I've done some pretty sick things that I'm not proud of, but you need to know."

Jesse raised an eyebrow. "Who says I think you're cute?" he quipped before sitting up a little to look at Jack. "Listen, whatever it is..it doesn't matter to me. I've done things I'm not proud of either but it's in the past. If you want to tell me..that's great. If not..I understand. I don't want to pressure you into telling me these things." He took a breath, trying to play it lightly. "I mean, I basically killed my mom and brother. Can't be worse than that right?"

Jack flinched at Jesse's words and stared at him with wide, sad eyes. They hadn't spoken about the accident that had killed Jesse's mother and brother in a long time, and Jack was shocked with the way Jesse talked about it so lightly and the way he thought it was his fault. He stared hard into Jesse's eyes and leaned a little closer. "You did not kill them," he insisted in a dark, serious voice. "I don't care what you think, but it wasn't your fault."

Jesse swallowed thickly, shaking his head. "You don't know that," he said, voice low and firm. "You weren't there." He swallowed thickly, wrapping his arms around Jack's neck and held him close. "Doesn't matter. This isn't about me. This is about you," he said as Jack tried to distract him. "And if you're uncomfortable. Don't tell me. I don't want to know because you're forcing yourself to tell me."

Jack looked at Jesse uncertainly for a long moment and then sighed again. The guilt of Jesse not knowing about him was overwhelming, and he needed to get it out there between them and then let Jesse decide for himself if he wanted to keep doing what they were doing. "No, I have to tell you. You should know, Jes." He took a deep breath and rolled off Jesse to lie beside him so they could face each other. His hand lingered at Jesse's chest and he bit his lip, thinking for a long time before he spoke. "My parents are homophobic, but that's just the way they were brought up. I don't really blame them. And I'd kept my sexuality a secret for ages but they had their suspicions."

Jesse watched as Jack fought with himself, deciding whether to tell him or not. He tried to be as supportive as he could. He laid there by Jack's side and rested his hand over Jack's, bringing it to his lips to kiss, keeping the hand close to his heart again. He nodded sadly in understanding but stay silent. Being patient with Jack and waited for whenever he was ready to tell him what had happened that made his past so dark.

Jack watched as Jesse kissed his hand and held it close to his heart again, and he drew in a shaky breath and moved his hand down so he could slide it up under Jesse's shirt and rest closer to his heart against his skin. "I was constantly worried about them finding out about me, but then Natalie started acting weird and there was the whole thing with our uncle and how he'd hurt Natalie, so that was a distraction. I feel really bad saying this, but it was almost a relief, in a way. Having something bigger than my own problems to deal with, you know? My parents paid more attention to her and kind of ignored me, which I was glad for." He closed his eyes and was silent for a moment, because this was getting to the harder part. "In high school, I kind of started experimenting a little. I dated a girl for some time to try to convince myself and my family that I was straight, but I just couldn't do it. She spread rumors that I was gay, which turned out to be true, and then I was getting bullied constantly." He couldn't believe he was saying these things out loud and sharing them with another person, but Jesse was listening and it felt good for someone else to know about Jack's past. "See this scar?" He pointed at a small scar right beside his eye, "That's from when I was pushed down a flight of stairs. I'm lucky I didn't break anything."

Jesse shivered when Jack's hand pressed flush against his chest. The warmth of his skin soon settling and he placed his own hand up his shirt to rest against Jack's hand in support as he listened to his story. He nodded in all the right places and winced when Jack showed him the scar. Any closer and he could have damaged or blinded himself in his eye. He lent forward and pressed a chaste kiss to the scar. "I'm sorry, sugar," he murmured sadly. "It's always tough in high school. I'm sorry you had to go through that," he said sincerely, knowing how hard it was to be a gay kid in high school, isolated from everyone else.

Jack's heart thudded painfully in his chest when Jesse kissed his scar, and he sighed deeply. "Well... I kind of started meeting up with this guy, Matt. He was on the baseball team and about as straight as an arrow, but apparently that was an act. The guy was struggling with his sexuality and we started seeing each other in private, although he always denied feeling anything. I lost my virginity to him and he wasn't exactly gentle most of the time, but I was naive and I fell in love with him. Of course it didn't work out and then my parents found out about us and kicked me out of the house and I was living on the streets for some time." He bit his lip before continuing, looking away in shame. "I sold my body to survive," he whispered shakily, "I used to stand on street corners and people would come and pick me up, take me to a cheap motel and do whatever they wanted, then throw some cash on the bed and leave. The things I've done, Jes."

Jesse listened to Jack's story. He wished Jack lost his virginity some other way instead of with a guy that denied ever being with him. That wasn't right. Jack should be treated with care and tenderness. On a bed of fucking rose petals as he's made love to by the guy of his dreams. What was said next made Jesse's heart break in two. He swallowed his anger and pulled Jack into his arms and held him close. "Oh Jay," he whispered sadly, pressing a small, tender kiss into Jack's hair. "I'm so sorry," he said, unsure what else to say. "It's okay. It's in the past. I won't let you get in that situation again, do you understand me? I won't let anyone mistreat you again." Jesse suddenly realized that this is why Jack had gotten so upset about their first night together. Because Jesse had treated him just as bad as those strangers by using him for sex. "Shit, Jay. I'm..I'm so sorry. I won't let anyone hurt you anymore."

Jack let himself be wrapped up in Jesse's warm arms, surrounded by the familiar scent that he's come to associate with friendship and trust. He realized he was trembling and he felt emotionally drained, but he had to keep going. Jesse was keeping him safe here and everything was fine, and he let himself believe Jesse. It was another few moments before he could speak again. "I... I was homeless and had no money except what I made selling myself, and I couldn't get a job because I was too young and nobody wanted to hire me. I had absolutely nothing. And then Rick took me in off the streets, let me live in his house and eat his food, but in exchange he made me do really nasty things to him, and he did things to me that I really don't want to mention, but I didn't have a choice. I wasn't going to give up what I had. He saved my life and I didn't have any cash to pay him with. It was only fair."

Jesse felt like crying. This was horrible. All he could do was hold Jack and hope they could get through his past together, hopefully coming out better and stronger for it. "Shh, Jay, it's okay. You're safe now. You've got a home and comfort here," he assured in a soft voice. "I'm not going to ask what you did. Or judge you for it. You did what you had to do to survive. It may not have been the best experience but you're better because of it. You've gotten to college and have friends and opportunities here. That dark part of your life is behind you. You've got to remember that." He kissed Jack's forehead and rubbed his back.

Jack trembled and clung to Jesse desperately without even realizing he was doing it. He was actually seeking comfort in another person, he hadn't done that in a very long time. He wasn't used to people actually caring, and this was something he'd been craving for far too long. A few tears slid down his cheeks and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. "Sorry," he whispered in a broken voice, "I just... you know the rest. I'm here now. With you." He backed away a little bit and looked at Jesse's face, eyes wide with raw emotion and wonder. "Where have you been?" He murmured.

Jesse wanted to cry too. He'd never felt so inclined to care for another being before. Sure he comforted people, friends, family, boyfriends, but there was very few he actually _cared _about when he did comfort them. Very few he actually felt and sympathized with them. With Jack, his heart physically ached for him. Very few people moved him like that. He wiped away Jack's tears, pressing his lips over the tears. Tender kisses peppered over his face before he spoke softly to Jack. "Don't apologize." He rested their foreheads together, rubbing Jack's back. "That's what I'm here for. To keep you safe." He smirked a little before adding, "Would be a lousy boyfriend if I didn't know how to cheer my boy up, hmm?" He wanted to hear Jack laugh again, make him happy. He pressed his lips to Jack's neck, blowing raspberries into the skin as he hovered above Jack, pulling faces at him as he continued to tickle and kiss his saddened boyfriend.

Jack shivered and let out a quiet sob as Jesse kissed his face so many times, each kiss like a tender snowflake melting on his skin. This was unlike anything he'd ever felt before and impossibly amazing, something he'd never expected to feel. He'd let himself free and felt so much lighter now that another person knew his story, and he just laid there in Jesse's arms feeling like he'd just woken up from the nightmare that had been his life. And now Jesse was hovering over him and gazing down at him, making faces and kissing him silly, and Jack tipped his head back and laughed freely through his tears, hands gripping Jesse's arms and keeping him there, right there. Boyfriend. It was just a word, but it meant a lot to Jack, and he knew it was hard for Jesse to say it. He looked up at Jesse seriously and then raised his head to meet his lips in a passionate kiss.

Jesse carefully laid Jack's head back down against the pillow, leaning down to keep kissing him, slow and passionate. It was hard to think someone had ever treated Jack like shit but Jesse was determined to show him he was loved, even if he couldn't say it yet. He paused for a moment, just looking at Jack, trying to think of ways he could show his love that weren't through sex. He didn't want everything to be just about sex between them. They'd both had relationships that were based on sex and they worked out horribly. He had to make this special. Make this count. He kissed Jack again briefly before eskimo kissing him sweetly. "You wanna order pizza tonight?" he asked, trying to change the topic and give Jack some time to recover after the stress of telling him something that he'd obviously kept bottled inside for years. "Cas'll be back soon, I think. We could watch that Star Trek movie you've been telling us to watch?" he offered, kissing his neck again in offer of comfort if Jack wanted it.

Jack forgot how to breathe as Jesse gazed at him and comforted him with sweet, tender kisses and touches. Nobody had ever been this gentle with him before and it was beautiful and amazing and everything Jack had been craving. He'd been searching for someone like Jesse all his life and now that he finally had this he felt complete, and he couldn't believe his wish had been granted. "Pizza sounds good," he murmured shyly, stroking his fingers through Jesse's hair and smiling up at him. "Thank you, Jes. For everything."

Jesse smiled happily, dipping his head down to kiss Jack again briefly before moving away. "Alright. Gotta pee. Don't you go anywhere," he said, moving into the bathroom. When he came back, Cas was just coming through the door, looking tired and sweaty. Jesse wolf whistled and sat back down on his bed behind Jack, wrapping his arms around his waist and leaning his chin against his shoulder. "Hey hot stuff," Jesse smirked. "Good rehearsal?"

Castiel rolled his eyes but smiled a little, dumping his bag at the foot of his bed and slumped down into a chair heavily as he took off his shoes. "Yeah. Really long though," he said absently, tucking his shoes under the desk out of the way. "You guys eaten yet?" he asked to which Jesse shook his head. "We were gonna order pizza. You want in?" Castiel nodded. "Sure. Get me a large meat feast. I'm gonna take a shower." Jesse scowled playfully and shouted over at him as Castiel entered the bathroom. "Hey, I'm not your pimp. Get your own meat feast."

Jack elbowed Jesse playfully as he whistled at Cas, and then he leaned back into his chest and put his hands over Jesse's, grinning at Cas. He rolled his eyes and reached into Jesse's pocket to get his phone out, and he dialed the pizza place to place their order. Once he'd ordered their pizza he turned around and pulled Jesse onto his lap and kissed him with a small smile. "Meat feast?" He teased lightly.

Jesse laughed, pouting as Jack elbowed him and pulled him into his lap. "Hey, can't be gay without ordering a meat feast once in your life. Thems the rules," he said with a smirk, wiggling his eyebrows. He kissed Jack briefly and took his phone back from the other to take a photo of them both. "Hmm, sexy," he grinned, looking at the photo of them together, smiling and staring up at the camera. "You think Cas will be mad if I put a hundred copies of this around the room?" he smirked, showing Jack the photo. "I mean, he does have all those wedding photos on his phone. Why can't I be the one that shows off my boy for a change?"

Jack took the phone from Jesse and looked at the picture of them together. He loved it when Jesse called him his boy. People had done that for him before, but never out of affection, and it made him feel like he was worth something. "He'd probably get tired of seeing your pretty face, to be honest." he retorted playfully. "And what kind of meat feast are you referring to? Probably not the pizza, knowing you."

Jesse grinned, wiggling his eyebrows at Jack as he took back his phone and set it on the side. Castiel had come out the shower, clean clothes and damp hair, ignoring the couple as he routed around underneath his bed for his laptop. He set it on his bed and set up his twitter account to answer some messages and maybe Skype with Dean. Jesse grinned, kissing Jack's cheek with a _mwah _sound. "You know me too well," he purred, getting out of Jack's lap to attack Cas with a big embrace. "How's my favourite little stripper?" he said affectionately, to which Castiel snorted and pushed him away. "How many times have I gotta tell you. Not yours unless you pay." Jesse rolled his eyes, flopping back down onto his own bed. "Hmm, how boring. It isn't fun when money is involved."

Jack laughed as Jesse threw himself at Cas, and he pulled some cash out of his pocket and tossed it at Cas. "There. Give us a show, sexy," he said with a grin, laying down on his back with his head resting on Jesse's stomach. "If you don't wanna be a pimp, I will," he said to Jesse. He loved this, the easy friendship he had with the two of them and the way he fit in here. "Hey Cas, are you going to Skype Dean?" He asked curiously.

Castiel looked at the money and pouted. "Nuh uh, you paid. My name's Raven," he said with a smirk, logging into Skype and calling Dean. He picked up the money and fanned himself with it. Jesse laughed, stroking Jack's hair as he laid in his lap. "We could do a pimp duet," he quipped quietly as Castiel put on some music and started dancing playfully and half-heartedly. Jesse wolf whistled and Castiel rolled his eyes, flopping back down on his bed, too tired to keep up the joke.

Jack groaned and reached for the money halfheartedly. "I need that to pay for the pizza," he complained, leaning into Jesse's touch. He clapped as Cas danced around and then flopped back onto his bed. He looked up at Jesse pleadingly. "Do you want to go get the pizza?" he asked sweetly, pouting slightly and giving Jesse his best puppy eyes.

Dean was relaxing at home on his bed and listening to music as he waited for Cas to call him like he'd promised. He answered the call and immediately kissed the camera. "Hey, baby," he greeted, "You look exhausted. Have a rough day?"

Castiel laughed, handing back the money and Jesse took it with a sigh. "Fine but only because I want what's best for my boy," he murmured affectionately, kissing Jack before moving away to go downstairs to pick up their pizza. Castiel laughed, blowing a kiss to the camera. "Hey, kitten," he greeted back. "Just got back from rehearsals. They are really pushing it since we got back from Christmas," he said absently, giving Dean a soft smile. "Jesse and Jack are here, up to no good as usual," he shot Jack and smile and looked back at the camera. "Hows everything there?" he asked with a tired smile.

Jack smiled lovingly at Jesse and watched as he left to go get their pizza, and he realized how hungry he was. When Jesse left, Jack got up and moved over to Castiel's bed to sit beside him and see Dean on the computer. He waved at him and then rested his head on Castiel's shoulder as he watched the Skype call. Dean waved back at Jack happily, glad that Castiel was friends with such a sweet guy. "Everything's good here," he said, "Sam's been looking at colleges and he got a job at the grocery store, and I've been working a lot. We all miss you a lot but it's good to know that you're happy, babe. The kids have been all over me and Sam and Jimmy since you're not here," he added, referring to the cats.

Castiel smiled a little when Jack came and joined him. He was glad Jack felt more comfortable around him now. That they weren't just associates through Jesse but rather friends themselves. "That's great. If he needs any help looking for colleges I'm always happy to help him out," he offered with a proud smile. His brother was going to study law and he was going to be amazing. "Oh, take care of my babies," he said with a baby voice. "I miss 'em so much." He sighed sadly. There were nights were he really wished Amber was there to curl up with.

Jesse came back up with the pizza and scowled at Castiel. "Trying to steal my boy, Novak?" he pouted, setting the pizza down on Castiel's bed and sat down at the foot of the bed where there was space. Castiel rolled his eyes, wrapping an arm around Jack. "Hey, he came to me," he protested with a smirk.

Dean nodded proudly. "Yeah, he's pretty ambitious, checking out all of the top-notch schools in the country, but I'm not worried about him not getting in to any of them. He's really bright and I know he'll earn scholarships." He picked up Panda, who was curling around his feet, and held her up to the camera. He picked up her paw and made her wave, much to her dismay, and she tried to bat at Dean's face with her little white paws as he held her.

Jack rolled his eyes and leaned into Cas with a pout. "I haven't seen him all day, Jes. Let me cuddle him for a little while." Jack hugged Cas and buried his face in Castiel's shoulder. "Don't try anything, Jack," Dean warned playfully, "I will come up there and physically separate you if I have to."

Castiel chuckled and waved back at Panda. Jesse rolled his eyes and smiled fondly as Jack cuddled with Castiel. He opened one of the pizza boxes and took a slice, eating happily as he watched his friends hang out. "How's Jimmy? Is he doing okay?" Castiel asked softly, leaning over the laptop to take a slice of pizza and eat with his free hand whilst the other held Jack against his side.

Jack took a slice of pizza from the box and sat up a little to eat it as well, staying close to Cas and watching the screen. "Yeah, Jimmy's good. He misses you but he doesn't show it, of course. But yeah, he's good. He's been teaching himself all kinds of stuff on the guitar and he goes on a walk at the same time every day. He's in the other room, if you wanna talk to him," Dean stood up and picked up his laptop and padded into Jimmy's room, where he was sitting on the bed, cross legged and barefoot, with his head bent over the guitar. "Hey, you wanna talk to Cas?" He asked, sitting down beside him on the bed and turning the laptop so Cas could see Jimmy.

Castiel just ate his pizza whilst Dean went into Jimmy's room. He hadn't told anyone about his twin. He'd been so used to keeping it a secret growing up when people asked he never mentioned him. He wondered if it'd freak Jack out a little, seeing as he could see the screen, sitting next to him.

Jimmy was sat on his bed, playing guitar when Dean came in with another video call from Castiel. He hadn't liked it at first, talking to someone who wasn't physically there but after a while he'd adjusted to the idea. "H-H-Hi, Cas," he said quietly, letting his hand fall from the guitar, not to be rude and play whilst talking. "Hey, buddy," Castiel said softly, happy to see Jimmy looked healthy and happy. "This is my friend, Jack," he introduced awkwardly, turning the laptop around to show Jimmy Jesse. "And this is Jesse." He turned the screen back to himself and Jack and swallowed dryly. "This is..Jimmy, my twin."

Jack leaned forward and stared at the screen in disbelief as he nearly choked on his pizza. "Whoa, you have a twin?!" He exclaimed in surprise when he saw the identical image of Castiel on the screen beside Dean. Cas had never mentioned having a twin brother, he knew Cas had several older brothers but he'd never mentioned Jimmy before and he wondered why. Jack exchanged a confused look with Jesse, and then looked back at the screen and waved at Jimmy. "Hey, nice to meet you," he said with a small smile.

Jimmy shied away behind Dean slightly but waved anyway. Jesse peered over the screen, his nose blocking most of the camera. "Dude, he looks just like you!" Castiel pushed Jesse's head out the way and rolled his eyes. "I doubt they wanna see up your nose, Jesse," he said dryly. Jimmy whispered to Dean about leaving as he started to feel uncomfortable. Castiel just waved goodbye and waited until Dean had moved back into their room before speaking. "Sorry, he..he has autism. He's not great with people," Castiel said before blowing a kiss to Dean. "Any word from Balthazar?"

Dean could tell Jimmy was getting nervous meeting two new people at once, and he moved the laptop away and snorted slightly when Jesse's head went over the camera and they got a clear view of his nostrils. He smiled at Jimmy and turned the volume down on the laptop before kissing Jimmy's forehead and getting up from the bed to go back into his and Castiel's bedroom. He laid down with his chin in his hands and put the laptop on the bed in front of him. "Yeah, he's stopped by a few times and he really doesn't seem like as much of an asshole anymore, no offense." Dean shrugged apologetically and smiled a little. "One time he and Jimmy went to the park to feed the ducks and nothing bad happened, so I guess he's okay."

Castiel nodded and sighed in relief. "Good. I'm glad. Just keep an eye on him..I don't want anything to happen to Jimmy. Or you, babe. I just know you'll be able to handle yourself." He took another slice of pizza and leaned against Jack slightly, way too tired for all of this. "Which one's Balthazar again?" Jesse asked curiously. "He's the one in the army..right?" Castiel shook his head. "No. That's Gabriel. Balthazar is the English one." Jesse nodded in understand and remained silent once more. Castiel yawned tiredly, leaning further against Jack. "Hey, kitten? You think you could come up here some time? I'd love to show you New York."

Jack wrapped his arm around Castiel and held him up, rubbing his back comfortingly because Cas looked absolutely drained. "I knew that," he said to Jesse with a smug smirk. "See, Cas, I pay more attention to you when you're talking." Dean chuckled and yawned in response to Castiel's yawn, and then he nodded. "I'd love to," he said, "Maybe soon... Sam and I are trying to plan out a few college visits in New York State, we'll stop by and visit you." He paused for a moment and then smirked as a thought crossed his mind. "Hey, isn't New York City famous for its amazing strip clubs or something?"

Jesse pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. "Whatever," Jesse grumbled, pretending to be annoyed. "That sounds great," Castiel smiled softly, the thought of seeing both Sam and Dean in New York would give him something to look forward to. "I can barely keep up with my classes, Dean. I'm sorry, I just can't dance anymore than I already am. We'll just have to keep finding ways to make money. I can't strip with all these extra rehearsals going on."

Dean laughed a little. "Sorry, I haven't seen you dance in a while. Money's not really a problem right now; we've got Sam and me working and we're all splitting the bill for the electricity and water, and we're cutting back on spending. It's really not a problem. What kind of dancing are you doing anyway? It must be pretty intense, by the looks of it."

"I don't have to be in a strip joint to dance for you, babe," Castiel murmured sleepily. Jesse made gagging noises and Castiel threw a pillow at him. Jesse laughed, hugging the pillow adoringly. Castiel rolled his eyes and shrugged. "Mixture. Like some kinda jazz ballet shit," he said absently. "Not my thing but I've gotta do it right if I'm gonna pass the module."

Jack shoved Jesse with his foot and shot a playful glare at him, shifting Cas a little beside him to hold him up better. Castiel was limp and tired in his arms and Jack looked over at him sympathetically. "It may not be his thing but he fucking owns it," Jack told Dean proudly, and Dean grinned and nodded in agreement. "He's amazing, isn't he?" Jack nodded and patted the top of Castiel's head lightly with a grin. "He works so hard."

Castiel felt a warmth surge through him as Jack praised him. "Thanks, Jack," he smiled, closing his eyes and hugged him back in the sort of embrace they had going on. Jesse just watched with soft eyes as the two embraced. He was so glad they got along. It'd be a bit awkward if his boyfriend and one of his closest friends couldn't get along. Castiel opened his eyes enough to look at Dean. "I need sleep, babe. I'll call you tomorrow. I love you."

Jack met Jesse's eyes over Castiel's shoulder and returned the soft smile, feeling warm and content with these people who'd become his very close friends. Dean nodded sympathetically at Cas, the poor guy did look completely wiped out. "Yeah, get some rest, Cas. I love you too. Nice talking to you, guys," he said to Jesse and Jack. He blew a kiss at the camera for Cas and then disconnected the call.

Castiel fell asleep almost instantly, leaning against Jack's arm, too tired to care. Jesse smirked and looked up at Jack. "I feel like we should draw on him," he said, closing Castiel's laptop and setting it aside so it wouldn't fall in the middle of the night. He helped Jack move Castiel so he was lying down so Jack could move without waking him. "So..you wanna stay the night?" Jesse whispered, moving back to sit on his own bed, looking up at Jack with a soft look.

Jack carefully moved out from under Cas and they tucked him in a little, giggling at the thought of drawing on Cas while he was asleep. He looked over at Jack with a timid smile and then nodded, padding over to Jesse's bed and hesitating a moment. "You're okay with this?" He asked, just to make sure. They'd done this before but every time it seemed like a big deal, and Jack just wanted to be careful with Jesse's feelings.

Jesse bit his lip and nodded a little. "Yeah," he whispered, holding his hand out for Jack and pulled him down onto the bed. "Yeah. I'm sure." He kissed Jack briefly and stroked a hand down his side. "I wanna spend my first night in a new relationship with my boyfriend," he said proudly, dipping his head forward to kiss Jack again, slow and passionate this time, keeping him close and safe.

Jack's breath caught in his throat as Jesse pulled him down to lie beside him on the bed, and he relaxed and moved under the covers with Jesse. He kissed him back just as tenderly and tangled their fingers together and held on, connecting them in a way that was more intimate than it seemed. Their chests were touching and Jack imagined he could feel their heartbeats matching up, echoing each other.

Jesse breathed in and out, slow and deep. Acclimatising to being in the same bed as someone without having his ass in the air or his mouth open expectantly. It felt weird to be in the same bed as someone who wasn't forcing him into sex. Then again, Jack was probably feeling the same way. He pressed a tender kiss to Jack's nose and held him close, protecting him from the outside world.

Jack could feel how controlled and steady Jesse's breathing was and he knew that he was nervous about this, just as Jack was, but he smiled softly and snuggled a little closer, moving his arm to wrap around Jesse's waist. Strangely, he felt older and younger at the same time, as if his innocence wasn't yet destroyed and also as if he'd grown up and out of his skin and who he'd used to be. "This is nice," he murmured, opening his eyes to see if Jesse agreed.

Jesse nodded with a small smile and nuzzled up against Jack. "Yeah, it is," he agreed softly, staring at Jack for a moment before closing his eyes and eventually falling asleep with the knowledge that Jack would be there when he woke up. He wouldn't be trying to have sex with him whilst he was asleep and that Jack would actually be happy to see Jesse still in his arms.

This felt beautiful. It felt like redemption, lying here in bed with Jesse, someone who wasn't taking anything from him and wasn't giving him anything except kindness. Jack realized that the two of them fit really well together, and he knew that this could be amazing for both of them if they were patient with each other. They'd both been through hell and finding each other had made them stronger. He fell asleep with a smile on his lips and Jesse's warm breath caressing his cheek.

Four weeks later and Jesse's first solo performance was coming up in theatre class and he was scared shitless. He was currently lying on his bed between Jack's legs when a thought occurred to him. "Why don't you come watch me?" he asked Jack from over his shoulder. "Maybe I won't be so nervous if you're there. It's cool if you don't want to though."

Jack stopped massaging Jesse's neck and looked at him with a pleased smile. "I thought you'd never ask," he said happily, leaning down to kiss Jesse's temple. "I was waiting for you to ask me that. I'd love to go see you perform, Jes." Jack didn't have class at the same time Jesse did, so it wouldn't be hard for him to get into the theatre class to watch.

"Really?" Jesse asked in pleasant surprise. He'd never really thought that Jack would _want _to come to his performance. He leaned to turn his head to the side to capture Jack's lips. "That'd be amazing, Jay. You're so perfect. I love you," he said quickly before even realizing what he'd said. He gasped a little and backtracked in his mind to make sure that's what he'd said. "I...I..did just say that, right?" he asked breathlessly, smiling a little.

Jack grinned and kissed Jesse back, gently cupping his jaw to keep him there. His eyes widened in shock at Jesse's next words, and he forgot to breathe. He felt his face lighting up with an amazed smile and he nodded. "I love you too, Jesse." He said in a soft voice, almost bursting with happiness. All this time they'd been together, Jack had never once doubted Jesse's feelings for him but hearing it confirmed from Jesse's lips made a huge difference.

Jesse let out a nervous giggle and claimed Jack's lips again in a passionate kiss. They loved each other. Jesse hadn't meant to say it like that but it didn't make it any less true. He cared deeply for Jack and would do anything for him. He kissed him hungrily, unable to stop from smiling. This was the first time he'd ever felt safe to love another. He couldn't get over the fact he was lucky enough to have someone like Jack in his life.

Jack's entire body was tingling with delight as Jesse kissed him passionately, like he was starved for it, and it was Jack he wanted. Jack was loved, and he'd never felt more wanted than in this moment. It was overwhelming, and he could feel Jesse's lips smiling into each kiss, and he wrapped his arms around Jesse and held him close, because he was his. For the first time in ages, Jack's feelings were returned and he couldn't even begin to describe how it felt.

Jesse grinned, nuzzling at Jack's neck and pushing them both back to lie against the mattress. "Mm, you're so good to me, Jay," he murmured happily, peppering his skin with light, adoring kisses. "So smart and sexy and kind," he listed absently as he just watched Jack looking at him. "I'm a lucky guy," he sighed with a large smile, dipping his head down to kiss Jack again.

Jack tilted his head up to kiss Jesse eagerly, hands grasping at his shirt and pulling him down closer. He couldn't stop smiling and he felt happy laughter bubbling up in his chest, and he kissed Jesse like he never wanted to stop. "I'm lucky too," he agreed, "I love you, Jes. I really do." He couldn't believe this was happening, it felt like a dream.

Jesse grinned, kissing Jack until he was breathless. "Jesus, Jay," he breathed happily. "I want you." The words came as a shock to him. His eyes widened and his mouth went dry. Did he really just say that? "I...um..." He cleared his throat awkwardly, looking away. This is why he didn't do intimacy. He didn't know or understand how to do it. He felt silly acting like a love-stricken puppy because he'd been punished his whole life for doing so.

Jack kissed Jesse eagerly and when Jesse pulled away, they were both breathing hard. Jack's lips were tingling and hot and he stared up at Jesse hungrily, and his heart skipped a beat when Jesse told him he wanted him. He beamed up at Jesse and gently held his face until Jesse met his eyes. Jack's smile softened and he angled his head up to teasingly flick his tongue over Jesse's lips. "You can have me," he murmured shakily, feeling dazed and lightheaded.

Jesse swallowed thickly, shaking his head. "Oh dear," he said, voice soft on fear of breaking. "I appear to be going shy." He bit his lip and met Jack's kisses when he could, feeling shaky and nervous suddenly. He looked up at Jack uncertainly. They'd both been through shit. When it was just himself, Jesse could cope with it. But when someone else was fragile and weak, he didn't know how to play it. "Jay, take me. Any way you want," he said with a nervous grin. "I don't..I want you to feel comfortable with this."

Jack stroked his fingertips gently down Jesse's face and neck and arms, and then rested his hands on his waist lightly. He was scared too, and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt Jesse. This was a really big deal for both of them and Jack was terrified of messing up not only this moment, but the rest of their relationship. "I trust you," he breathed finally, looking deeply into Jesse's eyes, "I know you won't hurt me."

Jesse swallowed thickly, licking his lips a little. "Jay..I'm..I don't think you understand what I'm telling you," he said with a slight chuckle, leaning up to kiss Jack lightly. "I don't find penetration hot," he said, almost sheepishly compared to when he'd told Castiel on their first night as flatmates. "I've..I've never found someone that I want to do it with. I..I just get pushed into it but..with you. I wanna try it." He wouldn't look at Jack. He felt like his face was on fire. "I want you to make love to me. The way it should be done."

Jack's eyes widened and he went still. While Jesse had never enjoyed penetration, Jack had never done it before. He'd been fucked before countless times, but he'd never been the one doing the fucking. And Jesse asking him to do this was huge, more meaningful than anything. More important than Matt, to whom he'd lost his virginity. This was a huge step for both of them, and Jack's heart sped up rapidly as he thought about it. "Are you sure about this?" He asked quietly, "I've never... I mean, I haven't actually done that before."

Jesse shrugged. "It's okay. I've only ever done it once too," he assured to calm Jack's nerves. "I'm always the reluctant bottom. I just want to see if it feels better with someone I...someone I love." He looked up at Jack with soft eyes and stroked his cheek tenderly. "We don't have to if you don't want to. It's..its a big fucking step. I get if that scares the crap out of you."

"It's not just that, it's... what if I don't do it right, what if I hurt you?" If this was a chance to change Jesse's mind about sex, Jack really didn't want to mess this up. "I'm afraid I might ruin the moment," he muttered, kissing Jesse again in apology. "But I'd like to try, if you're absolutely positive you want to do this."

"Then we'll stop," he said with a small non-comital shrug. "Jay, you're my boy," he said with a proud grin. "If it's not right nothing bad'll happen. We've just gotta find out what we like. How we work together." He leaned up and kissed Jack briefly. "It'll be okay. Let's just try it and see what happens." He wrapped his arms around Jack's neck, pulling him down gently into a tender kiss.

Jack smiled and kissed Jesse gratefully, relieved that they could talk about this and it wasn't uncomfortable. It was actually very reassuring to discuss what they were comfortable with before they tried anything, because it would probably prevent embarrassment later. "Alright," he agreed quietly, "Condoms? For when we're ready...?" He asked shyly.

Jesse kissed Jack softly and slipped out from beneath him to go to the bathroom where he kept all his stuff. He came out five minutes later, after battling with his nerves and came back out with a small pouch which had lube and condoms in it. He set it down on the side and pulled his t-shirt up over his head and threw it to the floor, just standing there as he looked down at Jack with a warm expression. "Someone order a meat feast?" he said, voice dry as his lips pointed up into a devilish smirk.

Jack laid sprawled on the bed as Jesse got up and came back a few minutes later with a little bag. He was going to ask what took him so long, but then Jesse pulled off his shirt and stood by the bed gazing down at him, and Jack's heart fluttered with anticipation and he grinned breathlessly. "Yeah," he said, "I'm hungry, come over here." He sat up and removed his shirt as well, beckoning Jesse closer with a sexy look and a crooked finger.

Jesse chuckled, crawling onto the bed and up the length of Jack's body, pressing small kisses to the skin as he went until he reached Jack's lips. "I forgot to mention, it's extra large," he said, wiggling his eyebrows and kissed Jack passionately, laughing a little into his mouth as they kissed. He loved fooling around with Jack like this and he hoped it helped lighten the mood a little.

Jack watched breathlessly as Jesse kissed his way up his torso and crawled up and over him. He loved this, the way he could feel every breath and little hum and vibration of laughter, feel Jesse's lips pulling into a smile as they kissed. He laughed in utter bliss, head tipping back and eyes closing as he wrapped his arms around Jesse. "Thanks for warning me," he teased back, kissing Jesse's neck and running a hand up through the hair at the back of his head as his body arched into Jesse's touch.

Jesse laughed, kissing Jack where he could when the other started kissing his neck. He hummed, loving the feel of skin on skin. "No worries," he said with a small smile, dipping his head back down to kiss Jack again, slotting between his legs. He rose an eyebrow. "Um, I do believe I should be at your mercy right now. Not the other way around," he said with a smirk, switching their positions so he was beneath Jack. "Mmm, that's better."

Jack moved with Jesse so they were reversed and Jack was looking down at him. He bit his lip suggestively and then dipped down to kiss the smirk off Jesse's mouth. "God, you taste so good," he murmured, kissing him eagerly again and again. He reached down and tentatively pulled Jesse's leg up to bracket his hip and then ground down against him slightly, humming a little at the teasing friction it produced. He rolled his hips a little and slid a hand up Jack's chest. Jack happened to be very good in bed, he'd learned many things from his prostitute days and he knew how to make a man feel good. But he'd never really paid attention to his own desires, and he was surprised to find that he was actually enjoying doing the things he'd only ever done methodically.

Jesse's eyes almost rolled out of the back of his head, the way Jack was kissing him. "Jesus, Jay," he breathed, slightly in shock. He'd been expecting..well not this. He knew about Jack's past but he thought that would have been something that would make Jack feel the need to seem inexperienced, more innocent after being exposed to such filth for a young portion of his life. "I'm gonna come before we even start if you keep this up," he said, trying to keep up with every touch and kiss Jack gave him. He manage to lean up enough to kiss Jack hungrily, curling a hand into his hair.

Jack couldn't help but smile proudly down at Jesse when he saw the effect he was having on him. He was so glad he didn't look like an idiot, and Jesse was clearly enjoying it. Encouraged by Jesse's reaction, Jack kept right on kissing him, and he moaned when Jesse grabbed his hair and kissed him heatedly. He moved his hips down a little more, increasing the friction between them, and their legs tangled together. "Mmm, fuck, you're so sexy," he whispered into Jesse's shoulder, "God, I just... do you know how gorgeous you are? Nevermind, I already know the answer to that." He kissed Jesse again, grinning against his lips, before Jesse could answer with something praising himself.

Jesse was helpless and for the first time in his life, he wasn't scared because of that. He groaned a little into Jack's mouth and ground his hips up to meet Jack's. "Jay," he breathed, a sort of whimpering edge to his voice. "God..you're amazing. You mean so much to me I just...ah...please just..fuck I'm going crazy here. We need to move this along," he said, voice strained and needy.

Jack couldn't believe what he was hearing. Nobody had ever said anything like that to him and it was stunning. His heart swelled with love and amazement and he kissed Jesse tenderly once more before rolling off of him to wriggle out of his pants and shed the rest of their clothing. They were both completely hard at this point, and Jack couldn't get enough of Jesse's pleading voice. He kissed him again, bodies flush, and swallowed up every little moan and gasp, not knowing which sounds were coming from him and which were Jesse's. He looked up for a moment and fumbled shakily for the little pouch Jesse had brought out and clumsily squeezed out some lube onto his fingers. He kissed his way down Jesse's body, over his heaving chest and trembling stomach, and then pressed a gentle, chaste kiss to Jesse's erection.

Jesse moaned and gasped as Jack touched him with such tender hand. He groaned when Jack lowered himself on the bed and kissed his cock. His whole body shuddered and he spread his legs expectantly out of habit. He looked down at Jack and caressed his hair before thinking twice and getting a pillow to rest his hips against to get a better angle. He hated this, but he was willing to try for Jack. He wanted to have something that connected them and who knows, maybe this was it.

Jack placed his fingers at Jesse's hole and carefully began working him open. He closed his mouth over Jesse's cock at the same time to make it more pleasurable for him, and he looked up at Jesse as he sucked in time with the movements of his fingers, trying to gauge Jesse's reaction to what Jack was doing. Jack had never actually prepared anyone like this before, but he knew how to give a blowjob and he put all his effort into making it good for Jesse.

Jesse tensed when Jack started fingering him open but was conflicted as he started to suck him off at the same time. "Jesus, Jay," he panted for the fifth time that evening. "You're gonna kill me," he groaned, holding an arm over his face to hide his expression. It felt weird to have someone there again. Usually preparation was quick and painful before the main event but Jack was being slow and considerate. It still hurt but not as much as it could have. It almost felt pleasurable with Jack sucking his cock expertly.

Jack smiled around Jesse's cock and kept up what he was doing, taking his time fingering Jesse open so it wasn't too uncomfortable, because the actual act of sex would probably be a lot more intense than this and Jack didn't want to just go at it without making sure Jesse was completely prepared. That, and Jack was actually very nervous. He was confident at pleasuring Jesse, but his lack of experience with being a top was making his hands tremble.

Jesse growled, dragging one hand to claw at Jack's shoulder for support. It hurt but pleasurably so and Jesse couldn't make his mind up if he liked it or not. That's when Jack's finger caught in just the right place, causing him to whimper into his arm. "Jay," he croaked out, closing his eyes. "More," he begged, moving his hips a little against Jack's hand. "Please."

Jack looked down at Jesse with wide-eyed amazement and then kissed him passionately. He was actually doing something right, and Jesse was begging for more. He moaned at the feeling of Jesse moving and writhing beneath him and pressed a kiss to his neck as he continued to move his fingers the same way he had been when it felt good for Jesse. "Jes, are you okay?" He breathed against his sweaty skin.

Jesse swallowed thickly, just about able to nod. "Yeah," he panted, screwing his eyes shut when it hurt too much. "You need more lube," he insisted, pushing the bottle back into Jack's hand. It felt good but still painful and it was hard to balance the two out. Most of it was in Jesse's head. Past experiences putting him down but he wanted to get this right. He wanted to cross that boundary with Jack.

Jack winced a little and nodded, kissing Jesse in apology. "Yeah, sorry," he murmured, taking the bottle with a clumsy hand and squeezing a little more lube onto his fingers and then continuing what he was doing. He was careful not to be too rough with Jesse, keeping in mind that he didn't enjoy this very much, with expressions of distress and pleasure battling on his face. Jack kissed him again and again, trying to distract him from the discomfort of what he was doing. "It'll get better, I promise," he assured softly, peppering Jesse's skin with chaste, apologetic kisses.

Jesse eased back into old habits, letting the top do whatever they wanted to him. Jack was different though. He was being considerate and apologetic and it made Jesse's heart swell. He kissed Jack back whenever he could and let out small huffs and grunts as Jack stretched him open. He moaned a little when Jack hit a good spot but other than that it was more tolerable than pleasurable.

Jack very carefully stretched Jesse open and made sure he was prepared enough before even thinking about the next part. He was trembling a little, unaccustomed to having this kind of power, and Jesse was completely exposed and vulnerable. It was a huge symbol of trust and it was overwhelming, and Jack actually had to rest his head against Jesse's knee, close his eyes, and just breathe for a moment. Once he was calmed down enough and not as shaky and dizzy, he took a condom from the bag and slowly opened it up, looking down into Jesse's eyes with a nervous smile as he rolled the condom on. He leaned down to kiss his lips gently. "Are you ready?" He asked carefully, "Do you feel okay, or is it too soon?"

Jesse watched with curious fascination as Jack took a moment to pause and breath against his knee. It was endearing, seeing that Jack was just as nervous. He stroked a hand through his boyfriend's hair, trying to assure him as much as himself as they kissed. He nodded a little nervously as Jack prepared himself. He spread his legs a little wider and nodded again. "Yeah," he said, voice high and almost alien to him. "I want this. I want you, Jay. Make..make love to me. Please."

Jack let out a shaky breath and kissed Jesse deeply before sitting up a little bit and squeezing some more lube out of the tube. He lined himself up carefully and then pressed the head of his penis against Jesse's hole, biting his lip as he slowly slid into Jesse's body. He looked back at Jesse's face and watched his expression worriedly, not wanting to hurt him. He leaned down again so their bodies were flush and then went still, just gazing down at Jesse's eyes. "If you're not enjoying it we'll stop right away," he promised.

Jesse groaned, feeling full as Jack pushed inside of him slowly. "Shit," he hissed, closing his eyes as he let his body go limp against the bed. He panted out a few breaths, forgetting how full the feeling was. He managed to open his eyes after a moment, looking up at Jack who was watching him intently. "Jay," he breathed in a quiet whisper. "Just try it," he insisted, just trying not to focus on the painful burning sensation that came with the almost pleasurable experience of having someone inside of him.

Jack had never felt anything like this. He'd never had sex with anyone like this before, and it was completely different being on top. He almost felt dizzy with need and the heat curling tight in his belly, with Jesse's body surrounding him tightly. He stroked his hands up and down Jesse's chest and then nodded tightly, kissing Jesse's neck as he began to slowly move out and then back in. He groaned at the feeling of it, and he wanted more of this amazing sensation, but he knew Jesse wasn't enjoying it as much as him and he just wanted to be careful. "Are you alright? Am I hurting you?" He pressed gentle kisses to Jesse's skin and then reached a hand down to stroke Jesse's neglected cock, trying to rub it back to hardness again.

Jesse groaned a little, more turned on by Jack's reactions than what they were doing but it didn't matter. Jesse had never enjoyed anal that much. As long as Jack didn't hurt him and was enjoying himself it didn't matter too much. Jesse still enjoyed it. It just wouldn't be enough to make him come. He moaned softly when Jack finally touched his cock, his hips rocking a little against his hand. "No. It's fine," he said softly, bringing Jack down to kiss again as they started to rock together.

Once they found a rhythm they were both comfortable with, Jack synchronized his hand with his hips, jerking Jesse off in time with each thrust of his hips. It felt amazing for Jack, but he wasn't satisfied with Jesse's reaction. He stilled for a moment and put his hands on Jesse's thighs to move him up a little, and then Jack angled his hips down slightly and started moving again, slowly, watching Jesse's face carefully. He was going for Jesse's g-spot, but he lacked experience in this and was only doing what had been done to him on occasion, when whoever was fucking him actually cared enough to get Jack to orgasm as well. He resumed stroking Jesse's cock and then leaned down to swipe his tongue over a nipple and suck gently at the skin there. He continued moving his hips in the same way and hoped it would be at least a little more enjoyable for Jesse.

Jesse breathed out in pants as Jack jerked him off at the same time as thrusting into him. His eyes closed as he started to let go. The feeling actually beginning to become pleasurable. "Fuck," he gasped, once Jack move position and his a spot inside him that sent sparks shooting through his body. "Jay, right there," he breathed, clutching at Jack's hair as he started teasing his nipples. His legs pressed firmly against Jack's sides before wrapping his legs around his waist to keep him close. The feeling much more intense like this. More intimate and everything Jesse had hoped sex would be before reality told him otherwise. "Oh God, Jay," he breathed in surprise, feeling another spark hit him hard.

Jack smiled softly, amazed that he was doing it. Jesse's face was encouragement to keep going, and he moved a little more and sped up the pace a little bit, but still being gentle. Jesse was grasping at his hair and squeezing him with his legs and Jack gasped as the feeling of complete bliss washed over him, and he knew he was getting close. He jerked Jesse faster and circled his hips a little bit, smiling into Jesse's neck and kissing the skin there softly. "I love you," he whispered in hushed awe. "Jes, I really love you."

Jesse choked on a gasp as Jack jerked him off. "Fuck," he breathed, closing his eyes as he tried to hold off from his orgasm for a little longer but Jack told him he loved him and jerked him off quicker and Jesse couldn't hold on. He came suddenly into Jack's hand, crying out breathlessly. His orgasm so intense it shocked him. He never enjoyed anal but Jack made it special and loving and Jesse was falling. Falling hard. "I love you," he murmured back sleepily, looking up at Jack with tears in his eyes.

Jack kept jerking Jesse off until he came, his body trembling under Jack. It was only a few seconds longer for Jack, and he cried out, his voice muffled in Jesse's sweaty chest. He moaned hoarsely and then pulled out of Jesse, collapsing on the bed beside him and pulling him in close. There were tears in Jesse's eyes and Jack's chest constricted painfully, and he gently kissed him. Jesse had told him he loved him again, and there was something more between them. "Are you okay?" He asked softly for the fourth time.

Jesse grunted as Jack pulled out and nodded a little. "Yeah," he said with a soft whisper. "I just..thank you." He kissed Jack again and pulled the condom off of Jack's cock, tying it in a knot before tossing it aside in the trash. He slid back down to lie against Jack's chest. He wiped his eyes and sighed a little, sniffing as he tried not to cry. "Fuck," he sighed in annoyance. "Don't cry, Jesse," he told himself. "It's unattractive as dicks."

Jack sighed tiredly and smiled at Jesse, holding him close against his chest and kissing his face softly. "It's okay," he soothed in a gentle whisper, "I've got you. It's okay." He stroked his hand through Jesse's hair and looked into his eyes for a long moment. "You can cry, it's alright. And your dick is attractive," he added, trying to bring a smile to Jesse's face.

Jesse let out a small laugh, looking up at Jack with a bemused smile. "Thanks," he whispered quietly. He moved up enough to kiss Jack's chin, then lip, then brushed his nose against Jack's. "I meant it, Jay. I do love you," he said, tears in his eyes that continued to threaten to fall. "You're so beautiful and caring and Jesus Jay, I'm just so lucky to have you."

Jack nudged his nose against Jesse's cheek and hugged him. "I'm lucky to have you too," he whispered, "Thank you for giving this a chance, baby. I love you. I love you, Jes." He couldn't believe he had this now, it was more beautiful than anything he'd ever known. This was the first time sex had meant this much to him, and he never thought he'd trust again. It still scared him a little bit, but he wanted this more than anything.

Jesse smiled idiotically, trying not to cry. "S'okay, Jay," he murmured, kissing Jack soft and slow. His hands playing with Jack's hair absently. "I wanted to try this with you," he whispered, sniffing as a few tears fell down his cheek. He sighed, pressing his forehead defeatedly against Jack's chest. "Sorry. Drama kid," he said with a soft shrug, looking up at Jack with a sheepish smile.

"Shhh, it's okay," he hushed, gently cradling the back of Jesse's head as Jesse rested his forehead against his chest. He smiled softly and kissed the top of Jesse's head before sliding his hand down the back of his neck and and shoulderblades. "I've... never done that before," he said apologetically, "I didn't hurt you, did I? Be honest with me, baby."

Jesse shook his head a little, leaning his chin on Jack's chest to look up at him through watery eyes. "No," he whispered with a small smile. "No you didn't hurt me, sugar," he assured. "I've just..I've never made love before. Not where I felt it too." He felt bad Jack had never gotten the chance to be with someone that way before. "I'm glad I was your first..that way," he said happily. "You deserve to be treated like the most beautiful creature in the world..because you are."

Jack looked down at Jesse and stroked his face softly, wiping away his tears with the pad of his thumb. He felt like he was dreaming, never having thought he'd experience something this special. He couldn't breathe for a moment, overwhelmed by emotion. He felt very small suddenly, being praised like this, it wasn't something he was accustomed to. "I'm not, though," he whispered, closing his eyes. He hugged Jesse tighter and sighed. "I'm not perfect, baby. All I can do is make you feel as special as you are, because you're an amazing guy and I can't believe you're my boyfriend."

Jesse leaned into Jack's hand and sighed softly. "Okay, let's just say we've both got issues with confidence," Jesse said with slight saddened amusement, they way they tried to out do each other with praise only to put themselves down was sad and not how they should be doing things. "But we've both found goodness in each other. We're better together even though I still think it's kinda weird we're boyfriends."

Jack nodded in agreement with a small smile. "I think we could be really good for each other, Jes." he said softly, looking into Jesse's eyes tenderly. "It does feel a little weird actually being in a... relationship, like this, but I think it could be really good." He kissed Jesse's forehead again and combed fingers through his short brown hair, and then he sighed contentedly.

Jesse grinned, leaning into Jack's touch. "Hey," he said softly, nudging he bottom of Jack's jaw with his nose. "We're doin' great. We've got a lot of love and I've got a fine ass booty for you to stare at. We'll be fine," he said, trying to lighten the situations, unable to take anything too serious for more than a few minutes. He winked at Jack and wiggled around until he was settled by Jack's side, falling asleep a little.

Jack snorted in amusement and kept an arm loosely around Jesse's waist as he moved around, and once Jesse was curled up by his side, Jack kissed his temple and then closed his eyes, sighing contentedly as they both drifted off to sleep. Jack closed his eyes and nuzzled into Jesse's hair, inhaling his scent and relaxing more and more.


	63. Chapter 63

Three weeks later and Castiel was basically jumping on the bed with excitement. Jesse was getting sick of it. "Jesus, Cas. Settle down, he's not gonna be here for another hour," Jesse grumbled, trying to sleep. Jack still wrapped around him, keeping him warm. Castiel bit his lip to stop from smiling to much. "Sorry, I'm just excited!" Castiel exclaimed, bounding onto Jesse's bed which got him a smack from Jesse. "Get outta here," he grumbled, not a morning person at all.

Jack groaned and blindly fumbled around for a spare pillow and threw it at Castiel's legs to get him off the bed. "Cas, seriously. Jesse's gonna murder you if you disturb his beauty sleep." He muttered tiredly, but after hearing Cas bounce around the room all morning, Jack was already too awake to go back to sleep, so he sat up and rubbed his eyes, untangling himself from Jesse. He leaned down to kiss his temple and stroke his cheek gently before pulling the blanket up over his boyfriend. "I'm gonna go shower. Please don't attack Cas when I'm gone," he pleaded, standing up and shuffling out of the room to go to the showers.

Jesse grumbled in protest at the loss of his boyfriend. "No," he mumbled weakly, pressing his face into the pillow and trying to keep the heat in from where Jack had just been. Castiel pouted at Jack. "Sorry. I'm just so happy!" Castiel squeaked and sat on his own bed with a sigh, tapping his knee impatiently with his hand. "Happy! Happy! Happy!"

Dean's flight had arrived exactly on schedule, and he'd told Cas he was coming later just in case the flight was delayed. He was so excited to see his husband, and he bounced his foot impatiently in the taxi, looking at New York with wonder. He'd never been to this city before and was fascinated by how bright and fancy everything looked, it was unlike anything he'd ever seen before. But mostly he was just excited to see Cas. Within twenty minutes, he was arriving at the college, and he signed in and then waited in the main lobby. He took out his phone and called Cas to let him know he was downstairs.

Castiel waited impatiently and got a call from Dean a while later and practically screamed, running out the door, leaving it open for the whole dorm to see Jack just getting out the shower in his towel and ran down the lobby towards Dean. "Kitten!" he beamed, jumping into his arms, and peppered his face with tiny kisses. "You're here! You're really here!"

Jack was just getting out of the shower when Cas ran by him in a blur, nearly knocking him down, and he left the door open while he was just wearing a towel. Jack rolled his eyes and went over to the door to shut it before pulling on a clean pair of boxers and flopping onto the bed with Jesse again. "Apparently Dean's here. You might as well get out of bed, baby. I doubt you're going to get any more sleep with both of them here."

Dean stood up and held his arms out to Cas and hugged him tight when they met, laughing delightedly at seeing the love of his life again. "Cas, baby, it's so good to see you," he murmured into Castiel's neck, then kissed him excitedly and grinned. "I missed you so much!"

Jesse groaned and rolled into Jack, murmuring tiredly about nothing in particular. "Don't feel good, sugar," he whispered tiredly, rubbing his stomach absently trying to stop the tight throb in his belly there. "Think I got flu or somethin'," he said miserably, trying to stay asleep whilst talking to Jack.

"Mmm, missed you too," Castiel grinned, kissing Dean happily. "Come on. You can come put your bag in my room then we'll hit the town if you want. Or do you wanna rest. I don't mind. I'm just so happy to see you again, love. God I've missed you." He was talking a mile a minute but didn't care, dragging Dean up the stairs with him to take him back to his room.

Jack frowned in concern and stroked Jesse's hair. "I'll kick them out if you want to stay asleep, Jes," he promised, "Want me to rub your stomach? Or is there anything you want, water, crackers, tea?" Jack kissed Jesse's forehead and let his lips linger there for a moment. "You feel hot," he murmured sympathetically.

Dean squeezed Castiel's hand and eagerly followed him upstairs to his room. This was Dean's first time visiting Cas, and it would be his first time meeting Jesse and Jack in person, since they always seemed to be with Cas. They entered the room and Dean grinned when he saw the two of them still in bed. "Hey," he said shyly, feeling like he was interrupting something. "Nice to finally see you guys in person."

Jesse grumbled in response, flipping over to lie on his side so he could wrap Jack's arm around him to rub his stomach. "Just hold me," he murmured tiredly, snuggling up so his back was pressed against Jack's back. He heard the door go and looked up sleepily at to see Dean looking down at him and Jack. "Hmm, hotter in person," he mused, smirking up at Dean. "Mr Winchester, your husband is a freaking hottie un-pixelated," Jesse drawled, closing his eyes and let out a shaky breathe, feeling sweaty and hot. Castiel grinned, taking Dean's bag and setting it down for him, kissing his cheek. "Yes he is," he agreed happily.

Jack wrapped his arm around Jesse and held him gently, looking up to see Cas and Dean entering the room. Jack grinned and nodded in agreement, looking Dean up and down. He was very attractive and taller than Jack had been expecting. He kind of felt like it was like meeting a celebrity in person, someone he'd only ever seen on a screen, and not even a very high-quality image of him.

Dean blushed awkwardly and shrugged, not knowing what to say. He wrapped his arm around Castiel's waist and leaned into him easily, looking down at Jack and Jesse on the bed. "Jesse's not feeling too good," Jack explained.

Castiel gave Jesse a small sympathetic smile. "You want my water bottle?" he offered lightly, leaning against Dean and gave his hip a squeeze. Jesse shook his head a little and held onto Jack's hand. "Too hot," he complained tiredly, voice rough and gravelly. Castiel nodded and kissed Dean's cheek, "Maybe we should go. Unless you wanted to get some rest yourself? We can be quiet."

Jack moved away from Jesse a little bit and pulled the blanket down so he could cool off. He was sweating and his skin was hot, and Jesse flapped the blanket a little to give him some fresh air on his skin. Dean turned to Cas and nodded. "Yeah, he doesn't look so good, no offense, Jesse. Feel better," he said sympathetically, and then turned to Cas with a questioning look. "Where do you want to go? I saw some of the city on the way here but I don't know points of interest or anything."

Jesse sighed a little, turning onto his back. "None taken. I'll have to show you my hot side some time," Jesse winked, not bothering to try and keep up his flirtatious side, too much work right now. "I don't mind. I booked reservations for dinner tonight but other than that I don't mind where you wanna go. We can go see the sites, just wonder around if you want?" Castiel offered absently. "Jay, make the hot man go away. He's making my condition worse," Jesse pouted to which Castiel rolled his eyes. "Alright smart ass we're goin'," Castiel smirked, patting Dean's ass and leading him out the door.

Dean laughed softly at Jesse and then turned to Cas and shrugged with a little smile. "I'm fine with anything, babe. You can give me a tour, if you're up for it. Take me out and show me the city and we'll end the night with a nice dinner together. Sounds perfect." Dean kissed Cas and then walked out the door ahead of him. He was pretty tired from his flight, but he was excited to spend the day with Castiel. "How's your dancing been going?"

Castiel grinned, kissing Dean and leading him through the halls. "Yeah, it's great. I can pick up my husband and twirl him like its nothin' now," Castiel bragged, catching Dean off guard and spun Dean suddenly, holding him about five inches from the ground before lifting him back up and spinning them. "My strength has improved since coming here." He pressed a kiss to Dean's lips and giggled. "And stamina," he whispered giddily, winking at Dean as he dragged them back downstairs and out of campus. "Alright..how about we go to Central Park?"

Dean gasped in surprise as Cas suddenly lifted him up in the air and twirled him around, and he grinned breathlessly. When Cas set him back down, Dean leaned close and smirked at him, squeezing Castiel's firm biceps. "Mmm. I bet you're a tiger in the sack. Can't wait to see how much your stamina has improved," he teased suggestively, trailing his hands down Castiel's back to squeeze his tight ass. "Yeah, take me to Central Park, baby." He walked with Cas outside and smiled up at the sky, leaning close and wrapping an arm around Castiel's waist.

Castiel chuckled leaning into Dean as they walked. It was a nice day and it wasn't too far away for them to walk without tiring, well for Castiel anyway. He forgot some didn't have the stamina he did but he thought Dean could keep up. When they got to the park Castiel grinned happily at Dean's awe expression. He kissed him sweetly and looked out at the park. "There's an ice-cream parlour down the other end if you wanna.." he suggested with a small shrug.

Dean's eyes widened when they reached the park. It was a drastic change from the endless concrete and asphalt of the city, and it was so nicely maintained as well. He smiled into the kiss and looked at Cas happily. "Sure, I could go for some ice cream," he agreed, tucking his fingers loosely into Castiel's back pocket and keeping them there possessively as they walked casually through the park, so everyone would know that they were together. Dean smiled over at Cas giddily. He was still in awe that they were really married, and he wanted the world to know.

Castiel grinned, slipping his fingers into Dean's back pocket to make it easier to walk together. When they got to the ice-cream parlour Castiel insisted on paying and getting ice cream on his lips for Dean to lick off. They sat on a bench to the side and enjoyed the sun. Castiel watching Dean instead of everything around them. "I'm so glad you're here," he murmured happily.

Dean ate his ice cream happily, and rolled his eyes at Cas getting ice cream on his face on purpose, and he licked it off his lips teasingly, grinning at Cas as he did so. Dean licked his own ice cream, chocolate fudge, and then stole a few licks of Castiel's. "Me too," he agreed, tangling his fingers with Castiel's. "I just wish we could do this more often. I miss you so much, babe."

Castiel looked down at their hands and smiled softly. Dean's wedding band pressed warmly against his skin. "Me too, love," he murmured sadly. "I miss you like crazy. After dancin' all day I want nothing more than to curl up in bed and fall asleep with you and our babies." He sighed, licking his ice-cream, mint choc chip. "Having Jesse and Jack always there reminds me just how much I miss being able to just touch and hold you."

Dean squeezed Castiel's hand and sighed. "I know," he murmured, "It gets pretty lonely without you there, but at least I know you're mine and I'll take every chance I can get to see you." He licked his ice cream a little more and then watched Castiel thoughtfully. "How are they doing, anyway?" He asked. "Are they officially dating yet or is it still undecided? They look happy together."

Castiel hummed in agreement and ate his ice-cream, licking the corner of his mouth clean before answering Dean. "I think they're boyfriends now," he said uncertainly, shrugging a little. "I mean, they seem happy no matter what they are. I just think Jack's too shy to make it public or something. They're barely over each other when we go out which is weird 'cause Jesse's the most flirtatious man I've ever met. It seems a bit weird that they don't. I don't know." He leaned his head against Dean's shoulder and at the last bit of waffle cone.

Dean scooted a little closer and slung an arm over Castiel's shoulders casually, looking over at him with a small shrug. "They'll get there," he said. He didn't know Jesse and Jack very well and had only seen them together briefly in blurry Skype calls, and this morning in Castiel's room, but he felt confident that they'd reach a more steady point in their relationship. "Maybe they just need time. Kind of like we did at the beginning, right?"

Castiel looked up at Dean with a bright grin. "Yeah. We turned out great." He sat up a bit and kissed Dean chastely, looking over his face admiringly. "You've gotten more beautiful with each passing day," he breathed, sounding like something he read in those cheesy romance novels. He really did have to stop reading them. He brushed his hand over Dean's cheek, feeling the stubble beneath the skin. "Mm, kitten's got some fur," he teased lightly, kissing Dean again.

Dean's lips parted slightly in a warm daze as Castiel kissed him and studied him with those intense blue eyes, and a shiver of delight ran through him at the words. He leaned into Castiel's hand and smiled shyly at him, kissing the palm of Castiel's hand. "Yeah, didn't have time to shave this morning," he explained in a hushed murmur. "Do you like it?" He teased back with a small smirk.

Castiel chuckled, pouting a little as he rubbed his nose against Dean's cheek before kissing him. "Hmm, I don't know. I might get stubble rash," he mused, kissing Dean again. He booped Dean's nose and chuckled, wrapping an arm around his waist. "I don't know, love. I think it's pretty hot," he said with a small shrug. "Just add some eyeliner and you'll tick all my boxes."

Dean laughed and rubbed his stubbled cheek over Castiel's jaw. "I'm not gonna grow a beard," he insisted, "I might just experiment a little with having some stubble. And stubble rash would look good on you, baby. Everyone would know we were making out." He trailed his lips down Castiel's neck teasingly and pressed a gentle kiss to show he wasn't serious. "And what is it with you and eyeliner lately?" He asked in amusement, squinting at Cas.

Castiel chuckled, squeezing Dean's hip lightly. "Mm, stubble would be awesome. Don't grow a beard," he said with a smile. He laughed in amusement at Dean's comment. "Still got strippers on the brain," he said with a smirk. "Can't help but picture you in panties and pirate boots," he said in a hush whisper when a family walked passed.

Dean rolled his eyes and blushed slightly at the visual. "Nah, I think I'll leave that to you," he replied, "I really don't think I'm stripper material," he added absently, distracted by the young, happy family walking by. A little baby girl giggling in a stroller being pushed by the smiling mother and a young boy holding his father's hand, talking animatedly about something and stumbling over his words with excitement as he bounced along. The father picked up the child and hoisted him up onto his shoulders, much to the boy's delight, and Dean smiled softly at the image the family produced. "That could be us one day," he said, nodding towards the family.

Castiel looked in confusion before smiling warmly at the family. "God I'd love to have that with you," he said dreamily, rubbing his thumb over Dean's exposed skin just above his jeans on his waist. "Two kids, a couple cats, the perfect house. We could have it all," he sighed, looking up at Dean with a grin. "I mean..we're already half way there, right?" he said, flashing Dean his wedding ring.

Dean looked back at Cas with a tender smile and nodded. "Yeah, halfway there," he repeated dreamily. He leaned his head against Castiel's shoulder and sighed happily, imagining starting a family with Cas. It would be amazing, having that kind of life with the person he loved most, making their struggles worth something and bringing new life into the world.

Castiel hummed, playing with Dean's hair absently. "Tired, honey?" he asked sympathetically. "Wanna head back? You can sleep for a while if you want. I'm sure Jesse won't mind if we stay quiet." He kissed Dean's forehead and sat there for a bit, holding Dean as the city passed them by. "I've got some wine in Jesse's mini-fridge. We can have that if you're not feeling up to going out tonight?"

Dean hummed and kissed Castiel's cheek gently. He shrugged a little and sat up to look at Cas with a smile. "It's alright, babe. I'm pretty tired but you made dinner reservations... maybe I just need a nap." He looked at Cas apologetically and kissed him on the lips. "Do you mind if we just go back and nap for a little bit? The flight really tired me out."

Castiel shook his head. "Whatever you need, Dean," he said with a smile. "I can cancel if you're too tired. I just made reservations just in case. It's hard to find nice places to eat in the city this time of the week. If you don't want to go we don't have to go." He kissed Dean and took his hand, standing up to walk out the park and back to his room.

"No, I'd like to," Dean insisted gently, taking Castiel's hand and walking back with him. The city was large and noisy compared to the park, and Dean wondered how many people lived here. It looked like everybody was moving so fast, while he and Cas were strolling leisurely at their own pace, their linked hands swinging lazily between them. Dean smiled over at Cas happily and leaned into his side a little as they walked.

Castiel grinned, squeezing Dean's hand a little as they walked. "Ok, babe. I'll keep the reservation for now," he said, crossing the road which led to campus. They headed through the halls and back to his room. He knocked gently on the door before entering to find Jesse lying on the bed with his head in Jack's lap, half asleep. "There's my favourite stripper," Jesse mumbled into Jack's thigh. His forehead beaded with sweat and his breath a little ragged. Castiel smiled softly. "Hey, Jesse. You doin' okay?" he asked softly. "Hot," Jesse mumbled weakly. Castiel noticed the washcloth on the side and took it into the bathroom to dampen before handing it to Jack. "Babe, come lie on my bed," Castiel said to Dean, leading him over to his side of the room so they weren't crowding Jesse's side by the door.

Dean looked at Jesse with a sympathetic grimace and then went over to Castiel's bed to like down. He kicked off his shoes and collapsed gratefully on the bed, curling up on the side closest to the wall and leaving room for Cas to join him if he wanted. He rested his cheek on his forearm and watched Jack care for Jesse. Jack had Jesse's head cradled gently in his lap and one hand was stroking his hair gently while he held the damp cloth to Jesse's forehead with the other. They were murmuring quietly to each other, Jack leaning down to catch whatever Jesse was saying to him. Dean caught Castiel's eye and shared a knowing smile with him.

Jesse sighed as the towel dabbed over his forehead. "Cool," he murmured happily, clinging to Jack's thigh tightly. Castiel shared a look with Dean and grinned, toeing off his shoes before slipping into bed next to Dean. His back to Dean so his husband could press up against him if he chose but giving him space if he just wanted to sleep and not snuggle. "Hey, Jack?" Castiel whispered softly. "You doing okay? Do you need anything?" he asked, seeing as it looked like neither of them had moved in a while and Jack might be getting uncomfortable.

Dean moved close to Castiel immediately when he joined him on the bed, and he curled up against his back and hooked an arm loosely around Castiel's waist, his nose buried in the soft hair at the back of Castiel's head. He sighed contentedly and snuggled close, smiling softly. It felt so good to have Cas this close again, he'd missed him like crazy.

Castiel frowned, when Jack didn't answer but realized he'd fallen asleep with Jesse in his lap. "They're adorable," he murmured quietly to Dean, leaning back against him. "Mm, so warm," he hummed happily. He linked his hand with Dean's and wrapped his arm around his middle to keep Dean close. "Just sleep, love. You've had a long trip," he whispered quietly to Dean over his shoulder.

Dean huffed slightly in amusement at Jack and Jesse. Jack didn't look particularly comfortable, but he'd dozed off pretty quickly and Dean had to agree that they were adorable. He smiled and snuggled closer to Cas, shivering happily and sighing. "I love you, Cas," he murmured, not even trying to keep his eyes open anymore. Now that he was lying down with Cas beside him, he let himself relax completely and dropped off to sleep.

Castiel smiled and squeezed Dean's hand a little. "I love you too, Dean," he murmured but Dean was already asleep. Castiel yawned softly and eventually fell asleep in Dean's arms. Jesse was watching them with tired eyes. He was half asleep and laying uncomfortably in Jack's lap, hot and sweaty. He envied how easy it was for Dean and Castiel. They were able to love each other unconditionally and everything went well for them. He wanted that. He wanted to have that with Jack. He lifted his head slightly, the shift making his head pound. He looked up at Jack, seeing him sleep with his neck crooked. With what little energy he had, Jesse managed to rearrange them so they were lying side by side. He kissed Jack's forehead and crawled into the bathroom to take a shower and throw up what little contents there was in his stomach.

Jack didn't realize he'd fallen asleep until Jesse moved around and he opened his eyes to find the bed empty and the sounds of water coming from the bathroom. He yawned and sat up groggily, rubbing at his eyes. Cas and Dean were asleep on the other bed, completely relaxed in each other's arms in what looked like a comfortable spooning position with Cas as the little spoon. It was cute, and Jesse took out his phone and took a picture before standing up and going over to knock on the bathroom door. "Jesse?" He called softly, "Are you alright?"

Jesse was leaned over the sink, wiping his mouth and using mouthwash to get rid of the taste of vomit. "Yeah," he called out weakly, turning off the taps and went to the door, opening it and leaning against it heavily. He was just in a towel from a quick shower and still burning up and sweating. "Just real hot," he complained softly, giving Jack a small smile.

Jack looked Jesse up and down and winced. "Baby, you look awful," he murmured, placing his hand on Jesse's cheek and then leaning forward to press his lips to his forehead. "Yeah, you're burning up," he said sympathetically, backing away and then guiding him over to his bed. He sat Jesse down on the edge and then tossed him a clean pair of boxers. "I'm gonna run down and get you some stuff, alright? I'll be gone for like ten minutes at the most."

Jesse let Jack move him around and before he knew it he had a pair of boxers in his hand and the promises that Jack would be back. He sighed softly, quickly swapping his towel for a pair of boxers before crawling back onto the bed and curled up in the middle on top of the sheets. He felt like he was going to throw up. He didn't know what Jack was getting but he hoped it was those angry bird pillows of his. He could use with some more pillows.

Jack quietly closed the door and then hurried down to the drug store on campus to buy some flu stuff. He picked out some fever-reducing medicine, herbal tea, mint gum, soda crackers, microwavable chicken soup, and some Gatorade. He used to do this for Natalie when she was little, and he hoped the same stuff would work for Jesse. Within eight minutes, he was back in the room with his purchases, and an extra blanket and a few pillows from his own bed. He found Jesse curled up miserably on the bed, and he sat down beside him and opened the box of medicine and Gatorade. "Take two of these and drink a few sips of this, it'll reduce your fever a little and make you feel less awful."

Jesse found himself half-asleep by the time Jack came back. He opened his eyes tiredly and took what Jack gave him without question before flopping back down on the bed with a grunt. He was so hot and tired and he rolled around restlessly, trying to get comfortable. "Jay," he croaked weakly, making grabby hands at him. He didn't care if he was being pathetic or needy. He had a boyfriend now. Someone who actually cared about him. No one had ever taken care of him like this before and as horrible as it sounded, he wanted to take full advantage. "Sleepy-time," he murmured tiredly, still grabbing at Jack to come lay down with him.

Jack snorted in amusement and set the bag of stuff off to the side, and then he took the washcloth back into the bathroom to get it wet and cold again before he returned to Jesse. "Hang on, let me make you more comfortable." Jack arranged the pillows around on the bed and then got Jesse to lay on his front, exposing his bare back. Jack crawled up on the bed beside him and lay facing Jesse, and he placed the wet cloth on Jesse's hot skin and slowly dragged it over his entire back in a soothing, steady motion. "You'll probably feel better when you wake up," he promised, kissing Jesse's temple.

Jesse pouted when Jack wouldn't come lie down with him. He just wanted his boyfriend to be with him. He practically purred when a luke warm cloth slid down his back, chilling his skin. "Mm," he hummed, closing his eyes and hoped Jack was right. He just wanted to get better. He reached out with one hand aimlessly and held onto Jack's hip for support, wanting to make sure he was still there. He hated being ill. He hated feeling weak again. It hit too close to home with his past and he hated that.

Jack smiled sadly and kissed the back of Jesse's neck as he leaned over him to continue stroking the cool cloth down his overheated skin. Jesse was clinging onto his hip, fingers digging into the fabric of his pants and it made Jack feel important. Somebody needed him for more than just sex, somebody that wasn't Natalie needed him for friendship and comfort. It wasn't a familiar feeling to be needed like this, but it was nice. "Just relax, I'll stay with you while you sleep." He murmured.

Jesse's hand loosened on Jack's hip as his boyfriend agreed to stay. "Thank you," he said sincerely, stroking his hand down Jack's thigh. His back arched a little into the washcloth, sighing contently. He'd never felt like this. He'd never been taken care of like this by someone who claimed to love him. "Jay..love you," he murmured sleepily, smiling happily.

Jack's hand stilled with the cloth when Jesse told him he loved him, and a soft warmth vibrated throughout his body. A happy smile graced his face and he laid down beside his boyfriend and rested his forehead against Jesse's hot and sweaty one. "I love you too, Jes," he whispered, bringing the cloth up to his face and using it to stroke his hair back and cool down his skin. "I'll take care of you."

Jesse hummed, closing his eyes. Feeling warm and happy despite how sick and hot he felt. Jack loved him and nothing else could make up to that feeling that gave him. "We'll have the ponies," he mumbled absently, unsure what he was even saying. "p...ponies...uh...braid their hair." He sighed tiredly, rubbing his face into the pillow as he eventually fell asleep.

Jack watched in disbelief as Jesse started mumbling about ponies, and he laughed, muffled in the pillow. He draped the cloth on the back of Jesse's neck and left it there and then moved away a little so Jesse could have some air and hopefully cool off a little. "Go to sleep, crazy," he teased affectionately, kissing Jesse's cheek one more time before settling down on the bed and watching as Jesse dozed off.

Castiel awoke with Dean still snoring gently in his ear. He wiggled his nose and pushed Dean away lightly so he wasn't tickling his ear with his breath. He padded into the bathroom and washed his face before going back into the room where everyone else slept. He sighed softly, watching over his little group. He slid back down onto the bed next to Dean and watched him adoringly.

A movement beside him woke Dean up slightly, and he opened his eyes and squinted blearily around the room to find Cas had slid back in beside him after moving around. He lifted his head up slightly and saw that Jack and Jesse were still lying on the other bed, and then Dean sighed contentedly and settled back down, curling up next to Cas, and he smiled at him sleepily. "Hey," he mumbled.

"Hey," Castiel said with a gentle smile, stroking Dean's hair lovingly. "You doin' okay, babe?" he asked quietly. "We can stay here tonight if you don't want to go out," he offered gently, seeing the tired look on Dean's face. He kissed his nose and stroked his cheek admiringly. "Yeah? Watch the game on TV or something?"

Dean's smile widened happily and he rubbed his nose against Castiel's. "I don't care what we do as long as I'm with you," he murmured, not even caring how cheesy it sounded. It was true, he was perfectly content to just lie here with Cas, but he wouldn't object to going out on a nice date with him in the city. "Whatever you want to do is fine with me," he said with a soft smile.

Castiel grinned, tracing Dean's lips with a finger. "Why don't we stay here," he said with a lazy shrug. "You still look tired. We'll order pizza and stay in with our boys," he said softly, running a hand up and down Dean's side. He looked over at Jesse and Jack and smiled softly. "We'll watch crap telly and make it seem like its something we do every night."

Dean shivered under Castiel's touch and stretched like a cat, tucking his chin to his chest and curling his toes happily. "That sounds good," he agreed tiredly, bumping his nose against Castiel's collarbone and inhaling deeply. "You smell like me again," he said in an amused whisper. "I like it. And this pillow smells like you. And me now, probably."

Castiel grinned, sniffing the pillow a little. "Mmm, smells like my kitten," he agreed happily, kissing Dean briefly. "Oh baby, my baby. My sweet prince, my Dean," Castiel singed in a low, hushed tone, moving his hands up and down Dean's body, peppering him with warm, praising kisses. He was just so happy Dean was here with him. In his bed. Keeping him warm and safe and loved.

Dean's breath stuttered slightly as Cas praised him and touched him gently, covering him with soft kisses. He slid his hand lazily into Castiel's hair and smiled at him in amazement. "You're so beautiful," he breathed, gazing lovingly into Castiel's crystal eyes. He moved closer and wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist and burrowed his face into his neck. "How long until you can come home and visit me?" he wondered.

Castiel grinned, brushing his nose against Dean's. "Maybe a month or so?" he said hopefully, snuggling closer to Dean. "Even if it's just for a weekend. I want to see you, babe. And the children." He smirked, thinking of the cats as theirs. Their children. He kissed Dean briefly and grinned lightly, unaware that Jesse was moving around and awake too.

Dean giggled quietly and stroked a hand up and down Castiel's side, following the slight dip of his waist and then rested his palm on Castiel's hip, fingers curling slightly and pressing into the firm muscle there. "I think the kids are too young to really appreciate and understand Skype," he pointed out, "They keep wondering where their Dad is and they look confused." He played along with the notion of them having children. The idea of having kids with Cas was exciting and scary, but Dean wanted it if Cas did.

Castiel chuckled, nuzzling up against Dean's neck. "Poor babies. They'll just have to see their daddy when I get back for Easter." He kissed Dean lovingly. Jesse watching them with envy and happiness. He looked over at Jack and brushed the hair out of his face before cupping his face in his hands, kissing his forehead. "Hey, d'ya mind? I'm feeling ill enough, thanks," Jesse teased making Castiel blush.

Dean jumped when Jesse spoke, he'd thought he was asleep. He looked up and peered over Castiel's shoulder, still rubbing his hip gently. "Nobody asked you for your opinion," Dean teased back, lying back down with Cas and giving him an amused look, rubbing their noses together. Jack mumbled incoherently, apparently not awake yet.

Jesse rolled his eyes, sticking his tongue out at Dean a little before coughing uncomfortably as he laid back down next to Jack, watching him sleep. Castiel chuckled a little, curling up by Dean's side and kissed him again just because he could. "Such a meanie, Deanie," Castiel cooed, pouting a little before giggling, hiding his face in Dean's neck.

Jack startled awake when Jesse coughed and moved on the bed beside him, and he opened his eyes and frowned at Jesse in dazed concern. "Huh? You alright, baby?" He mumbled, voice rough from sleep. He rubbed Jesse's back soothingly and kissed his forehead, letting his lips linger there and feel how hot Jesse's skin was, and he wasn't sure but it felt like the fever had dropped a little. Dean pulled Cas close and grinned into his messy hair, humming a random tune as he rubbed Castiel's arm.

Jesse nodded, holding his hand around the back of Jack's neck, warm and solid. "Yeah, Jay. I'm okay," he assured gently, moving away so he wasn't as close to him. He didn't want to be too near Jack's face and risk giving him his bugs. He laid back down, looking over at Jack tiredly. Castiel hummed with Dean a little, kissing his neck before running a hand down his side and squeezed his ass playfully before getting up to get the take-out menu and his cellphone.

Dean squirmed in surprise when Cas grabbed his ass, and he glared at him playfully before sprawling lazily over the whole bed. He looked over at Jack and Jesse with a sleepy smile and stretched again before sitting up and swinging his legs over the bed to start exploring Castiel's side of the room. It wasn't as messy as Jesse's side but it wasn't exactly tidy either, but it was comfortable. Jack watched Dean curiously. "Don't look under Jesse's bed, I think there's pizza crusts from last week still down there."

Castiel grimaced at the thought of there being food underneath Jesse's bed, smelling the place out but Jesse seemed to take pride in it. "Pepperoni with extra chilli sauce," Jesse said smugly before deciding that was the wrong thing to say as it made him feel nauseous just thinking about it. He ran into the bathroom and threw up again, coming back out a few minutes later, holding onto the door frame with trembling arms. Castiel helped him over to the bed seeing as he was up. "Just don't talk to me about food," he grimaced, pushing Castiel and the menu away. Castiel looked at the pizza menu and decided it was better than getting indian or something that'd would make the room smell and make Jesse feel sick again. He offered Dean the menu and sat down on the bed with him. "What d'ya want, babe?"

Dean watched in concern as Jesse suddenly went pale and then hurried into the bathroom, and then there were the sounds of vomiting and a toilet flushing, and Dean winced sympathetically. Jack sat up in alarm and stared worriedly at the bathroom door, and he was about to get up and help when Jesse came out again but Cas beat him to it. "Lie down, I'll get you some ginger ale to sip on." Jack murmured to Jesse, and he got up to put some ice in a plastic cup and pour some ginger ale over it for Jesse. Dean looked at the pizza menu and decided he was in the mood for just cheese pizza. He pointed at the item on the menu with a slight smile, not wanting to mention pizza when it made Jesse feel like throwing up.

Castiel smiled and kissed Dean's cheek, pulling out his laptop to order their food online. "Jack?" he offered, holding out the menu for the other. Jesse sniffed helplessly, watching Jack move around the room and came and sat back next to him with a drink. He sipped it a little before putting it to the side. Castiel also opened up his mail and opened a link to one of the recordings from their rehersal last week to show Dean. "Forgot to send this to you. Been a bit busy," he said with a small bashful smile.

Jack took the menu and looked over it distractedly, and he shrugged and handed it back to Castiel. "Cheese is fine," he said quietly, not wanting to order something with a strong smell that would bother Jesse. He turned back to Jesse immediately and felt his head again. "I think your fever's back up," he murmured in concern, helping Jesse lie back on the bed and get comfortable. He put extra pillows behind his head so he could drink if he wanted. Dean leaned forward and looked at the computer with interest as the video started to play. He grinned when he saw Castiel in the video and watched eagerly as he began to dance, showing off new moves and a different style that Dean had never seen him do before. "You make it look so easy, Cas," he praised.

Castiel blushed, swatting Dean's arm playfully. "Thanks," he said giddily. He couldn't wait for their finale end of year show. He hoped Dean would come to see it. He really wanted to show him his work in person. He took the menu back from Jack and add his pizza to their order and clicked order. Jesse got comfortable on his own bed and peered over at Castiel's laptop. "Thank God you've seen it," he murmured with a pout. "He's done nothing but worry about that thing," he said affectionately before he began coughing violent, taking a sip of ginger ale. "God, I hate this. I hate being the least attractive person in the room," he pouted, setting his drink down. "At least when I'm healthy I could have one up on Cas over there. Now I have to compete with you all," he complained, pressing a dramatic hand to his forehead.

Dean laughed and leaned up to kiss Castiel's cheek and stroke a hand through his hair as he went back to watching the video. Cas danced across the stage with such grace that Dean wondered how it was possible that he'd never taken lessons before. Cas was naturally gifted and it was very beautiful to watch. Jack grimaced as Jesse began hacking violently, and he rubbed his back to soothe him. "Yeah, it's difficult isn't it," Jack teased, trying to cheer him up, "It must be tough for someone as short as you."

Jesse pouted further, staring at Jack. "Hey. I'm sexy short and you know it," he smirked, lips twist a little with nausea. "What I lack in height I make up in looks," he said, trying to pout and pose seductively, despite his crap mood. Castiel laughed, rolling his eyes. "He's the same height as me, Jack. It's those damn heel things he wears to keep up with your lanky ass," Castiel said, stretching out on the bed lazily, keeping the laptop in his lap for Dean to keep watching the video.

Jack grinned and pushed Jesse back down on the bed to get him to stay still and not wiggle around and make his stomach more upset. "You're pocket sized, it's cute." He said, kissing Jesse's cheek and tracing light, soothing patterns over Jesse's stomach and chest. Dean chuckled at them and when the video ended he applauded and twisted around so his head was in Castiel's lap, and he pulled him down for a kiss. "You're amazing, Baby Bird," he murmured.

Jesse pouted but didn't complain as Jack started stroking his stomach soothingly, it made him feel less sick too. "Cute?! I'm down right gorgeous!" he protested, coughing lightly. Castiel hummed, leaning down to kiss Dean and play with his hair. "Mmm, haven't been called that in a while," he said with contentment. "It's usually Raven what they tease me here with." He sighed, kissing Dean again. "When I'm done here I wanna go back. For the summer or something. I miss workin' there. It's so much fun."

Jack rolled his eyes affectionately. "Shut your mouth and quit coughing all over me, Jes," he scolded lightly. "What if I get sick? Poor Cas will have to take care of both of us and I doubt he has the patience." Dean smirked and nodded at Jack before leaning back into Cas. "Raven's your sexy name," he said, "Baby Bird is the cute one. And yeah, it'd be nice for you to work there during the summer. We'll have to get these guys to come down and watch you dance sometime."

Jesse gave Jack an apologetic look and curled up with his back pressed against Jack's chest so he could see Castiel and Dean too. Castiel grinned before pouting a little down at Dean. "Am I not enough sexy for you?" he teased, stroking Dean's arm absently. Jesse watched with fondness at how easy it was for the pair. "Yeah. Totally. I'll be in the front row with a butt load of dollar bills," Jesse said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Dean caught Castiel's fingers in his own and played with them distractedly, tracing the wedding band on his finger. "You're too sexy for me," he muttered, rolling his eyes, "How can you even live with yourself? You've gotten even hotter over the last few months. How am I supposed to go home now?" He looked pleadingly up at Cas and puckered his lips, asking for a kiss but too lazy to move his head out of Castiel's lap. Jack grinned at the two of them and nodded. "We'll make it rain," he agreed with a smirk.

Castiel rolled his eyes and blushed a little, not used to having an audience. He bent down to kiss Dean chastely and giggled a little. "Mm, think Ellen would appreciate the enthusiasm," he commented absently. Jesse smiled, feeling a bit better in good company and reached out for Jack's hand to hold in his around his waist. Castiel groaned when his phone went and answered it quickly. "Pizza's here," he said, once he'd hung up, getting out from under Dean to go downstairs to get their food.

Dean reluctantly moved aside so Cas could get up and get the pizza, and then he rolled over onto his front, propped up on his elbows, and went on Castiel's laptop. He opened up Castiel's Facebook and began typing a new status, but he couldn't think of anything good so he just wrote 'Dean Winchester is the sexiest man on the planet' and left it as that. Jack wrapped his arm around Jesse's waist and rested his chin on his shoulder.

Castiel came back a few minutes later with food and Castiel put Jack's on the end of Jesse's bed and then brought over his and Dean's to his bed. "What you up to?" he said with a small grin to Dean and peered over his shoulder at his laptop and read the status. "Oh ha ha," Castiel said, rolling his eyes affectionally. He kissed Dean's temple and set the pizza down, sitting on the bed and took a slice.

Dean laughed and took a bite of his pizza, "Aw. That's so sweet, Cas," Dean teased, pointing at the laptop and leaning into Castiel's side. The pizza was good and Dean was happy, a soft smile on his face. Jack moved away from Jesse to eat his pizza down at the other end of the bed so the smell wouldn't bother him. "Jes, you don't want any crackers or anything?" He wondered.

Jesse shook his head, curling up on himself a bit to keep warm. "Yeah, babe," he mumbled tiredly, I'm good." Castiel laughed and ate his pizza happily. He put up his webcam and took photos of him and Dean together, grinning happily. He added the heart frame feature and made kisses faces at the camera, just being a dork and trying to make his husband laugh. It made Jesse laugh at least. "You guys are freaking adorable."

Dean made faces at the camera too, giggling as Cas added cheesy heart frames to their pictures. The pictures were mostly dark and grainy but it was fun, and Dean grabbed Castiel and planted a kiss on his lips right when the camera went off, and he grinned at Jesse afterwards. "Yeah," he a greed with a playful smirk. Jack watched the two of them fondly and grabbed a blanket for Jesse when he noticed the way he'd curled up slightly.

Castiel laughed, sitting back against the wall and ate the rest of his pizza whilst Jack tended to Jesse and kept him warm with a blanket. "Thanks, Jay," Jesse murmured happily, smiling sleepily. Castiel watched Dean for a moment and grinned at him. "Husband?" he asked softly, happy to say 'husband' as often as he could. "You wanna take a shower?" he said suggestively, winking subtly.

Dean grinned at Cas and raised his eyebrows. "Hell yeah," he agreed, leaning close to whisper against Castiel's ear, "Only if you join me. I wanna see that hot dancer's body of yours," Dean nipped playfully at Castiel's ear and then stood up to go into the bathroom. Jack was watching them with amused interest and Dean met his eyes and grinned slightly, wiggling his eyebrows excitedly as he took Castiel's hand.

Castiel shivered in pleasure and took Dean's hand and went into the bathroom with him, closing the door behind them and kissed Dean properly. "Hey," he said softly, running his hands through Dean's hair. Jesse laughed, coughing a little, looking over at Jack. "They're totally gonna do it in the bathroom," he said with a smirk.

Jack huffed against Jesse's shoulder and grinned. "Well, obviously. They haven't seen each other in months and they're probably both just dying of blue-balls." Dean grinned at Cas and kissed him back, moving forward to push Cas against the closed door and cage him in with his arms. "Hey," he murmured back, looking at Cas with wide, eager eyes. He licked his lips and then darted forward to taste Castiel's again, sighing in pleasure. "God, I missed this," he breathed.

Jesse chuckled, coughing again into his hand before snuggling back up against Jack. "Well I'm glad we don't have that problem. That's all I'm saying," he said with a smirk, pulling the blanket tighter around himself. "Mmm, me too," Castiel agreed, kissing Dean passionately, just tasting him and exploring his mouth with his tongue. "Get in the shower," he ordered, slapping Dean's ass. "I'm too impatient for this. Need you naked," Castiel complained, tugging at their clothes.

Dean stifled a yelp as Cas slapped his ass and shoved him to the shower after leaving a searing kiss on his lips, and Dean didn't hesitate in stripping down and then hungrily watched Cas, pulling him into the shower with him. He turned on the water clumsily and cursed when it was immediately too cold, but it was hot soon enough and Dean grinned against Castiel's beautiful mouth and kissed him deeply, his tongue mapping out the contours of Castiel's mouth.

Castiel growled, nipping at his lower lip. "So hot," he murmured against his lip, grinding against Dean desperately. "Wanted this for so long, babe," he groaned, biting his lip and thrusting his hips against Dean's. He slipped his wet finger into Dean's hole gently, biting his lip. "Come on, baby," he groaned, pressing his forehead against Dean's shoulder. "Spread your legs."

Dean desperately clutched at Castiel's arms and shoulders with slippery, shaky hands, already painfully hard. He tipped his head back against the cool tiles and arched his body forward, shuddering with desire and need at the feeling of Castiel's erection grinding against his own and the finger working him open. "Fuck, Cas," Dean gasped breathlessly, sliding his hands down Castiel's back and wrapping his arms around him to keep his balance as he spread his legs and arched closer. "Want you so bad, want you to fuck me," he whimpered desperately.

Castiel shushed Dean, pressing soft kisses to Dean's neck. "It's okay baby. We'll be okay. Just keep going, come on." He kissed Dean, silencing him as he pressed his finger deeper into Dean, working him open. Eventually he got him nice and loose, kissing his neck and collarbone hungrily. "Need you," he growled possessively, painfully hard and his cock dripping pre-come.

"Take me," Dean muttered back, his voice rough and dark with arousal. The tone of Castiel's voice was sending shivers of want through his body and his knees felt weak. Castiel was all around him, hot and wet and his scent surrounded Dean, the sounds of his breathy, needy kisses, and his fucking hands everywhere. "Cas, fuck me," he begged, desperate with the need to feel Cas filling him up and claiming ownership over Dean's body.

Castiel grinned, kissing Dean hot and messy before slapping his thigh lightly in warning. "Alright, love. Hold on." He pushed into Dean quickly before he grabbed Dean's legs and hoisted him up, getting him to wrap his legs around his waist, holding him up with strong arms like he weighed nothing and pushed him against the wall. He grunted out in arousal, nipping at Dean's neck. "God. So hot and tight for me, Dean."

"Holy _fuck, _Cas!" Dean cried out in surprise as Cas slapped his leg and then suddenly pushed into him, hitting his prostate right away. Dean's eyes rolled back and he gasped as Cas lifted him up and started fucking him against the wall. Dean wrapped his arms tight around Castiel's neck and held on tight with arms and legs as Cas thrust into him. Dean grinned at Cas in amazement and then kissed him hungrily and whimpered with need. "Jesus, you're good," Dean groaned. Cas was like something right out of a porno.

Castiel chuckled, slamming into Dean with tight, needy grunts. "I've gotten stronger," he said with a grin. "Means I can hold you like this and fuck that tight little hole of yours." He kissed Dean's neck, sucking the skin and causing a hickey to form. His body shuddered slightly, on the edge already. He thrust up into Dean hard, kissing and sucking at his neck. "Come on, baby. Come on. Think you can come untouched? Just from me fucking you like this for Jesse and Jack to hear?" He sucked Dean's earlobe and growled in his ear possessively, "Scream for me. I want them to know who you belong to."

Dean clung helplessly to Castiel's shoulders as waves of pleasure washed over him with increasing intensity. Cas was fucking him harder and faster than ever before and it was the hottest thing ever. Dean could feel the heat radiating from Castiel's body and the way his muscles flexed and rippled with each thrust, and his ankles were crossed behind Castiel's ass and with every movement the muscles there tightened. Cas definitely was stronger than he was, and Dean had never felt more turned on. He moaned loudly and whined into Castiel's skin, tasting the salt of his sweat, and he knew he was getting close to reaching his orgasm. "Fuck, I love it when you talk dirty to me," he cried out in a rough moan. Cas had complete control over him and the sound of their breathing and their skin slapping together was drowned out by Dean's loud cry of pleasure and release as his orgasm hit him suddenly, causing his body to shudder and his legs to tremble and spasm, heat surging through his body and leaving him gasping for breath, still clinging tightly to Cas and sagging against him with exhaustion.

Castiel chuckled, watching Dean's face with interest as he came. Watching the way he completely let go, throwing his head back and cried out in pleasure. Castiel continued to fuck up into Dean until his own orgasm hit him, almost knocking him out. He hadn't masterbated in a long time, knowing Dean would be coming up. He wanted to make it worth it and hot damn was it worth it. He came deep inside Dean, kissing him possessively, growling slightly as his thrusts slowed. After a while, he pulled out and managed to get them both out of the shower and in towels, still holding onto each other for support.

Dean kissed Cas back messily, gasping out breathless moans and whines as Cas came down from the most intense orgasm Dean had ever seen him have. It was fucking hot and Dean grinned as Cas growled possessively as they kissed. Dean had never known Cas to be this dominant and it was incredible and surprising and he loved it. As they stumbled out of the shower eventually, Dean smirked breathlessly and ran his hands over Castiel's hard stomach. "I'll be feeling you inside me for at least a few days, Cas. Fuck, that was amazing. You're amazing." Dean's entire body was humming and tingling, his legs shaky and weak and his muscles aching and spent.

Castiel chuckled, slipping his hands down to Dean's ass and pressed him up against his own body as they kissed. Castiel still panting lightly whilst kissing Dean with as much possession and love as he had when they fucked. "So hot, love," he praised, running a hand through Dean's hair. "God I needed that. I've been going crazy without you."

Dean arched into Castiel's touch and pressed his hands against the small of Castiel's back, pulling them closer together. He hummed in agreement as they kissed deeply, Dean matching Castiel's movements with his own mouth and taking some control over the kiss, but Cas was like a wild animal and Dean grinned and nipped at his lips playfully when they pulled apart. "Clearly," he teased, "That was pretty impressive. I didn't know you had it in you." Dean kissed Cas tenderly to show he was joking, and he sighed contentedly as his breathing and heart slowed back down to normal. "How much do you wanna bet that Jesse and Jack recorded the whole thing?"

Castiel smiled against Dean's lips, kissing him passionately. "I just needed to claim you, Dean," he murmured in his ear, hands skimming over the other's back absently. "You being so far away from me. It does things to me Dean. Drives me crazy. I miss this." He kissed Dean again, holding him steadily and embraced him tightly. "I miss you," he added after a moment of silence.

Dean hugged Castiel back leaned into him, skin warm and moist from the shower. "I know, Cas," he sighed, suddenly feeling somber and deflated. They only had a few more days and nights together and then it was back to work for both of them, separated for three more months. "God, I love you," he murmured, "I wish I could see you every day." He backed away just enough to meet Castiel's eyes and cupped his face gently, memorizing his features and living expression. "You're so gorgeous. Skype doesn't do you justice."

Castiel smiled softly, leaning into Dean's touch and watching him with awe and admiration. "You too, babe," he said softly, kissing Dean again before moving away. If they kept this up he'd start crying and he didn't want that to happen. He wanted to keep their night fun and enjoyable before Dean had to leave again after the weekend was over. He pinched Dean's ass and kissed him again before putting on his boxers to go into the other room and get under the covers of his bed, ignoring the shit eating grin on Jesse's face as he entered the room.

Dean smiled sadly at Cas and ruffled his hair before pulling on his boxers and following Cas out into the room, legs still shaky after having the most awesome sex he'd ever experienced. He smirked a little at that thought and crawled under the covers, forgetting that he had extremely noticeable hickeys and lovebites on his neck. Jesse and Jack were staring at them with infuriatingly suggestive grins and Dean rolled his eyes at them and then snuggled up to Cas under the covers.

"Good shower?" Jesse asked innocently, grinning idiotically. Jack still spooning him from behind. Castiel rolled his eyes but smirked anyway. "Shut up," he said with a smile he failed to hide. He looked over his shoulder at Dean and kissed him chastely, running a hand through his hair. "You okay without the kids in the bed?" he asked teasingly, knowing how attached Dean had gotten to the kittens without Castiel there to keep him company.


	64. Chapter 64

Jack laughed softly into Jesse's shoulder and kicked him playfully under the covers. Dean blushed and hid his face in Castiel's neck, turning towards him and curling up in the warmth of his arms. "Yeah, a nice hot shower really makes everything feel better," he said with a wink at Cas and kissed him again, gazing at him with loving eyes. He smirked and shook his head. "Now that I've got you, who needs to sleep with cats?" He teased, "Just kidding, the kids are sweet."

Jesse grinned, laughing a little along with Jack before coughing into his hand again. He groaned softly in annoyance and settled back down in Jack's arm giving him an apologetic look. Castiel grinned and nuzzled Dean's neck, pressing tender kisses to the bruised skin. "Mm, you better not be insulting my babies otherwise you'll be sleeping out in the hall," he warned, smirking at Dean, squeezing his ass playfully under the covers before wrapping his arms protectively around Dean again.

Jack kissed Jesse's forehead gently and got him settled down comfortably in his arms again with a soft smile. Dean frowned at Cas and poked him in the chest. "_Our _babies," he corrected, tipping his head back as Cas gently kissed and soothed the tooth marks on his neck. "Hmm, maybe I'll just go over there and join those two lovebirds if you don't want me," he teased, pointing over at Jesse and Jack and winking at them.

Castiel pouted, nipping Dean's earlobe teasingly. "They're mine," he whispered, tightening his hold on Dean. "Just like you. You're mine. To love and to hold." He kissed Dean's cheek innocently and grinned, holding him close. "They can't have you, Dean. There isn't enough room," he pouted, holding Dean possessively. Jesse rolled his eyes when he saw Dean wink at him. "No thanks. I'm good with just my Jay," he said with an affectionate smile, rubbing a hand over his own stomach absently trying to soothe the nauseous feeling in his gut.

Dean smiled adoringly and kissed Castiel's cheek. "I'm yours," he agreed happily, closing his eyes and sighing deeply. "I hope someday we get to have human babies," he murmured thoughtfully, "Although there's nothing wrong with kittens to practice with. I think we're doing pretty well, wouldn't you say?" Jack chuckled and put his hand on Jesse's side, stroking up and down in soothing motions and then rubbing his stomach softly to help soothe the discomfort. "Yeah, plus you'd probably get sick from Germ Boy here." He added.

Castiel grinned happily, stroking a hand through Dean's hair. "Yeah, babe," he agreed softly. "We will. You remember that little girl you helped when we went to Disneyland? You were so sweet and gentle with her. You're gonna make a great father, love. I can't wait to see you with our children." Jesse pouted and twisted around to be able to look up at Jack. "Sorry, sugar. You can leave if you want," he offered. "I don't want you to get sick. You can stay in your own room if you want."

Jack shrugged and stroked Jesse's hair back. "No, it's fine. I don't really care if I get sick, and I've got a strong immune system anyway. I don't wanna leave you like this," he murmured. Dean smiled softly and opened his eyes to gaze at Cas lovingly and nodded. "We'll be amazing," he agreed, "We should start thinking about it, babe. After you're done with college."

Jesse watched Jack for a moment before nodding. "Alright. If you're sure," he said, squeezing Jack's hand and settled back down against the pillows. Castiel hummed, tightening his hold on Dean and nuzzled his neck, pressing a chaste kiss to the skin. "We should," he agreed, only half serious, thinking Dean was just making dreams and not plans. "We'll have a few kids. Few cats. We'll get the whole thing. The perfect family dream, y'know?"

Dean stroked the back of Castiel's neck gently and smiled contentedly. "I want to," he assured confidently. Realistically, he knew that there was a lot they both had to do before they could even begin planning for kids, such as owning a house, getting jobs, and having enough money in the bank to cover the costs of raising kids. The idea was lovely and Dean could picture them doing all those things.

Castiel nodded and bit his lip a little. "I want to too," he said hesitantly. He looked over his shoulder at Jesse and Jack but they were already nodding off in each other's arms. "I'm afraid," he whispered, looking back at Dean. He held him in his strong arms at an angle so Dean couldn't see his face. "What if I'm a bad father. What if.." He swallowed thickly, unable to say it without choking up. He'd thought about, a lot. He'd just never vocalized it to Dean before. "What if I drop the baby or..try doing what I did to Jimmy to our kid? I..I can't let that happen Dean. I'm terrified of hurting our kid they way our families hurt us."

Dean's smile faded and he moved them so he was above Cas and looking down at him seriously as he realized everything Cas meant. "Cas, don't do that," he whispered, "Don't think like that. You're not your father, and I'm not my father. And you won't hurt the baby because you are a good person. Yeah, the whole thing with Jimmy was pretty bad, and when you attacked me, but I know you won't hurt our child, Cas. This would be a new chance for us both to become good again."

Castiel was breathing unevenly as Dean looked down at him. "I know," he whispered, looking down the gap between them and down the length of Dean's body before looking back up at his husband's gentle face. "I know and I wanna start afresh. I'm better now. I'm on meds. I'm dealing with it. I'm just afraid something'll happen that's out of our control." He shook his head, trying not to think about it like Dean said to. "I'm sure everything'll be fine. I'm just afraid to bring a new life into this world only to put it through the same hell we had to go through."

Dean cupped Castiel's face gently and kissed the tip of his nose. "I promise you it won't happen. We'll give our kids everything we never had. We'll make sure they never suffer through anything like we did." Dean kissed Castiel's lips tenderly and gave him a reassuring smile. "You're going to be a great dad, baby. You're my husband, my best friend, the love of my life, my soulmate. I trust you, Cas."

Castiel hummed a little, kissing Dean back and smiling idiotically. He loved that he wasn't just Dean's husband. They were best friends. They connected not just by the metal on their fingers but by the strings on their hearts. They were closer and more connected than Castiel had ever expected from a relationship. Dean was truly one in a million. "Thanks, Dean," he said sincerely, holding Dean close, moving them so Dean was pressed with his back to Castiel's chest. "I love you," he whispered into his hair, pressing a small kiss to his temple.

Dean smiled in relief at Castiel's grin and everything felt okay again. He nuzzled against Castiel's cheek and smiled against his warm skin. "You don't know how amazing you are," he whispered, the words bringing back memories of high school when they'd first met and fell in love, two teenagers making out in the backseat of Dean's car. They'd both grown so much and discovered many things about themselves, and it all served to make them better people. "Cas, we're gonna be great," he promised sleepily as Cas moved him so they were spooning, and Dean leaned back into Castiel's strong arms and relaxed completely. "I love you, Castiel Winchester."

Castiel hummed, closing his eyes. "I love you, Dean Winchester," he chimed back tiredly. He held onto Dean tightly, sleep eventually taking over him and then there was darkness all around. When he awoke it was to Dean's hair up his nose and an arm draped over his chest with a hand in his hair. He looked down to see Dean slightly drooling against his own arm and Castiel's chest. Castiel grinned, watching him sleep fondly. He may not look like it right now but to Castiel even like this he was gorgeous and completely and utterly his.

Dean fell asleep quickly after that, his entire body loose and relaxed from the intense sex in the shower. He didn't think he'd ever be able to get up, not that he wanted to, because he was more comfortable than ever in Castiel's arms. He slept deeply for a long time and when he opened his eyes groggily the next morning, his legs and ass were sore and he groaned slightly, shutting his eyes again and curling closer to Cas.

Castiel fell asleep long after Dean, just watching his husband breathing slow and deep. He awoke with Dean in his arms, safe and secure and he smiled happily, kissing his forehead tenderly. Jesse and Jack weren't in bed and he could hear the water running so didn't make a move to get up just yet. He just held onto Dean, stroking down his side soothingly, whispering praises and sweet nothings into his ear.

Dean hummed softly and pressed a kiss to Castiel's warm chest, inhaling his scent and smiling softly to himself. "Babe, I don't think I can get up for a while," he murmured, sighing and snuggling closer. "I'm pretty sore from last night." He wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist to keep him close.

Castiel smirked proudly, squeezing Dean's hip lightly. "You did so well, babe," he praised, nuzzling Dean's hair and pressing a kiss to his scarred scalp. "You were so hot," he murmured, stroking Dean's side and smoothed his hand over his ass. "Never felt so turned on before." He kissed Dean's forehead and looked down at him with a wide grin. "I guess being your husband has some perks," he teased.

Dean rolled his eyes and shoved Castiel's chest playfully. "I didn't even do anything, dumbass. You just picked me up and pounded me into the shower wall, I was hanging on for dear life. And it was _awesome_. You should show me what else you can do sometime." Dean smiled teasingly and tilted his chin up to kiss Castiel's lips softly and hugged him again. "I've got a pretty great husband," he murmured lovingly.

Castiel chuckled against Dean's lips, kissing him back tenderly as he continued massaging and stroking Dean's back. "You were still amazing. Fuck, Dean. The noises you make with that mouth," he said, kissing Dean again. "God, I love you so much. If Jesse and Jack ever leave I'll show you some other things I can do," he growled lowly in Dean's ear just as Jesse came out the bathroom with a towel around his waist and a smug as fuck expression on his face.

Dean licked his lips and smiled suggestively at Cas, letting his hand wander down Castiel's hip and crotch and he smirked teasingly. "I bet you've got all kinds of ideas," he whispered, "I've got a few." Dean turned to look over his shoulder when he heard the bathroom door open, and he rose his eyebrows when he saw the look on Jesse's face. Jack picked up his clothes and turned off the bathroom light before following Jesse out into the room, and he blushed deeply when he saw that Dean and Cas were both awake and watching them. "Uh... sorry, did we, uh, wake you up? I-I thought we were... being quiet...?"

Castiel chuckled, nuzzling at Dean's neck and kissed the skin there before looking up at Jack. "Don't worry. I'm pretty sure we were louder yesterday." He pinched Dean's ass under the covers and chuckled. Jesse rolled his eyes, putting on some boxers, not caring that everyone could see his ass. "Don't be coy, Jay. We're all friends here," Jesse said once his boxers were on as he walked over to Jack and kissed him chastely.

Dean mock glared at Cas and nipped at his lip. "Yeah, thanks for that, Cas." He muttered. Jack watched the exchange between them and sighed before getting some underwear and slipping them on quickly as his towel dropped. Jesse didn't even seem to care, but that wasn't very surprising. "Nice ass," Dean commented teasingly, and Jack turned around and stuck his tongue out at him.

Castiel laughed, groping Dean's ass and pulling him on top of him, nipping at his neck. "Play nice," he growled lowly, scolding Dean for looking at Jesse by biting down gently on one of his hickeys. Jesse rolled his eyes at Jack and pouted, putting on more clothes and shoes. "I've gotta go smoke before I go insane," Jesse said absently. "You going home, Jay?" he asked, unsure what his boyfriend was doing today.

Dean straddled Castiel's legs as he laid on top of him and ground his hips down subtly, whimpering as Castiel's teeth grazed over his sensitive skin, right over the bruises Cas had given him. Jack looked at Jesse in concern. "You sure you wanna smoke? You're still getting over being sick, babe." He said gently as he finished getting dressed.

"I went without all of yesterday, Jay. I need some nicotine in my veins before I go insane," he said, putting on his jacket. "You comin' or stayin'?" he asked again, looking over his shoulder at Jack. Castiel grinned, squeezing Dean's hip and moved his hips a little as Dean did so. "Don't tease me, Dean," he growled. "I'll fuck you right here in front of Jack and Jesse if you don't behave."

Jack looked uncertainly back at Cas and Dean and then rose his eyebrows when he saw what they were doing. "I'm going with you," he told Jesse quickly, giving Cas an amused look of disbelief. He followed Jesse quickly, shrugging on a zipper hoodie as he went out the door. As soon as they were gone, Dean looked down at Cas and narrowed his eyes. "Do I get rewarded for good behavior?" He asked suggestively.

Castiel was completely oblivious that Jack was giving them looks. He was even less aware of the fact Jesse was throwing condoms at them and telling him not to get Dean pregnant. "Perhaps," he said with a slight smirk. "If you're good I'll let you come too," he said with a wolfish grin, kissing Dean possessively before rolling them over so he had Dean beneath him so he could press feverish kisses to his skin, worshipping his husband's body.

Jack practically had to pull Jesse out of the room, muttering apologies to Dean and Cas as condoms were being thrown like confetti. He closed the door and dragged Jesse downstairs and outside. Dean laughed and then gasped in surprise as Cas pushed him over and started kissing his skin hotly, and he arched into Castiel's body as his cock gave an interested twitch. "Jesus, Cas," he moaned, "What's gotten into you? You're making me crazy."

Jesse laughed and went outside with Jack to smoke. Castiel groaned, eyeing the foil packets on his bed and kissed Dean passionately. "You have," he answered between heavy breaths. "I've missed you so much. I've had only my imagination to keep me going. Now you're here I want to do it all. Want to know you've been missing me too. I'm going crazy without you, Dean."

Dean smiled and leaned up on his elbows to keep kissing Cas. "We don't have a whole lot of time, but I think I can take a few more poundings if you're up for it. Or I can do the pounding. Whatever you're in the mood for, dude." Dean tangled his fingers in Castiel's hair and kept right on kissing him deeply. "Can't tell you how many times I woke up in the middle of the night with a mess in the sheets and moaning your name."

Castiel moaned, indulging in the feeling of Dean's hand tugging at his hair. "Fuck," he breathed, kissing Dean again. "Shit, Dean. I'm gonna blow my load if you keep talking to me like this," he halfheartedly complained, laughing breathlessly. He pressed a kiss to Dean's chest, over his heart before looking up at Dean with bright eyes. "How long until you think they'll be gone?"

Dean chuckled and kissed Cas once more and then stroked his hair gently, gazing down into Castiel's eyes hungrily. "I think we've got plenty of time, baby."

Jack sat on the steps outside beside Jesse, who'd already lit up and was smoking steadily. Jack took his cigarette and took a few drags before handing it back to Jesse and sitting back contentedly. "Dean and Cas really work together well, don't you think?" He said thoughtfully.

Jesse laughed, breathing out smoke as he did so. "Yeah they work _really _well together," Jesse said with a smirk, trying to keep the conversation light as he did not wish to compare their relationship to theirs as he knew how that conversation would go. He took another drag on his cigarette and watched the smoke blow out into the morning air.

Jack watched Jesse quietly for a moment, smoke passing between them in the cool air, and he didn't say anymore on the subject of relationships. He could sense the tension radiating from the other man and didn't want to make it worse, so he took the cigarette again and took a few more drags. "I'm working on another song," he said vaguely, hoping to distract Jesse from whatever was bothering him.

Jesse watched Jack smoke and gave what he hoped was a smile. "That's great," he said, trying to sound enthusiastic. "What's it about?" he asked, taking the cigarette from Jack and took the last few drags before stubbing the cigarette out on the ground, watching the ash flicker slightly before dying out the black.

Jack shrugged and toed at the ground absently. The tension was still there and it was putting Jack in a negative, uneasy mood but he tried to ignore it. "It's... it was kind of inspired by you, actually," he said quietly, still looking down at his shoes. That probably wasn't what Jesse wanted to hear right now, because their relationship was still fragile and new and Jack didn't know what it would take to break them.

Jesse's face faltered a little. He remembered teasing Jack about writing a song about him but he never thought he'd do it. "R-..Really?" he asked, shocked. He cleared his throat, coughing a little still a bit ill from yesterday. "Jay..I..I can't believe it," he said, shaking his head. No one had ever shown him that kind of affection before. He didn't know what to say.

Jack bit his lip and looked up at Jesse with wide eyes. "Is it... if it's not okay I'll scrap it, I'm sorry. I didn't think it... Sorry, Jes. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm really sorry." He was cringing and blushing with shame, knowing he'd really overdone it. He looked at Jesse apologetically and chewed his lip, running a hand through his hair.

Jesse's eyes went wide as Jack started apologising. He didn't understand. He looked over at Jack and he looked so scared. "Jay..I..no..it's..that's awesome," he stuttered, smiling widely. "I've never been..no one's ever taken inspiration from me before. I mean..fuck..Jay...that's...I don't know how to process that. No one's ever been so nice.." he picked at his fingernails absently, unsure what to do. Jack was being so kinda and he didn't know how to deal with someone not treating him like shit for once.

Jack looked up in surprise and bit his lip, overcome with relief. "Oh," he breathed, "I... I didn't know if you'd be okay with it, I thought it was too much when I told you." He took Jesse's hand hesitantly and threaded their fingers together when he noticed Jesse picking at his fingernails. "I want you to know how much you mean to me," he said softly, "And... I guess music was the best way I could think of."

Jesse let out a shaky breath as Jack stopped him from picking his nails and held his hand. "I..I just..no one has ever needed me so much before," he said quietly. A girl from Jesse's course walked past and grinned. Jesse's attitude completely changing as he straightened, grinning at her. "Hey gurl. You goin' Ella's next week?" he asked with a laid back tone. The girl nodded. "Yeah. I'll see you there, yeah?" she said, believing this was how Jesse always was. This was the only way she'd ever seen him. Happy. "Sweet. I'll see you there, sugar," Jesse said, watching her leave before deflating again. "I just don't know how to deal with this, Jay. It's so, so sweet of you and you're my boy. You mean a lot to me. I'm just finding it hard to say that sorta stuff aloud."

Jack watched in interest as Jesse talked to the girl walking by, and he was somewhat surprised by Jesse's change in behavior. "Sometimes it's like you're two different people," he said thoughtfully, studying Jesse's face once they were alone again and the girl was gone. "I saw what you just did. We were talking and then she walked by and you just... changed. Like you're one way with other people and you're another way with me. I think the you when it's just us is the real you." Jack squeezed Jesse's hand again and gave him an apologetic look, not wanting to offend him with what he'd just said.

Jesse nodded. He knew he was like this. He knew he was different with Jack than he was with other people. "I used to trust others too much," Jesse said softly, squeezing Jack's hand. "I only trust those I truly care about to see this side of me," Jesse said, looking at Jack for a brief moment before looking back down at their hands. "I can't have people take me for granted again..I just can't."

Jack sighed sadly and pulled Jesse's hand. "C'mere," he said quietly, getting Jesse to sit down on the step beside him and turned slightly to look at him. He felt warm when Jesse said he truly cared about him, and it made him feel special. Jesse apparently saw something in Jack that set him apart from every other person he'd ever been in a relationship with, and it was amazing. "I'm glad you let me in," he said with a soft smile, "This side of you is so beautiful to me, you have no idea. I'm so lucky to know you like this."

Jesse sighed and sat beside Jack with a soft smile. "Jay.." he breathed, unsure what to say. Jack was calling his beautiful. No one had ever told him that and honestly meant it. "Jay..I love you so much," Jesse said with an overwhelming emotion he'd never truly felt before. He'd felt love or even lust for some but never the way he felt about Jack. He'd never felt the desire to be loved intimately before..because he never truly understood its meaning. He'd always thought this sort of love didn't exsist. Was just for the movies. He was so wrong Jesse felt like laughing and crying all at the same time.

Jack's heart warmed at Jesse's declaration and he wrapped an arm around his shoulders to draw him in close and hold him. "I love you too," he whispered into Jesse's hair, "More than I've ever loved anyone. There's just something about you, Jes. And it's not just your good looks and sense of humor. You are fascinating and I'm in love with everything about you." Jack kissed Jesse's temple and rubbed his back soothingly. "I feel safe when I'm with you. I don't have to hide any part of me from you."

Jesse leaned into Jack and sighed, happy to hear those three little words escape Jack's mouth. He wasn't just saying it to say it back. He was saying it because he meant it. "Me too," he agreed. His past relationships, despite how much he'd thought he loved them. There was always something he'd hide from them because he was afraid or didn't feel safe. With Jack, he'd never felt more secure to be himself. "Jay.." Jesse began, choking up only to be interrupted by a boy from Castiel's dance class who'd come outside to smoke. "Hows it going, sugar. You doin' okay?" Jesse said, putting on a smile and leaning into Jack more playfully. The boy nodded and the two conversed small talk happily. Jesse teasing and being his usual playful self until the boy finished his cigarette and left. Leaving him and Jack alone again.

Jack leaned a little closer, looking into Jesse's eyes intently and stroking the back of his hand with the pad of his thumb. Whatever he was about to say was interupted by another student walking by, and Jack sat back and let Jesse chat with him. It was strange, seeing these two sides of Jesse contrasting so sharply. Jack could tell how hard Jesse was trying right now, trying to be the person everyone saw him as, but it was a way of keeping himself safe. "What, Jes?" He asked softly once the guy left them alone once more.

Jesse relaxed visibly once they guy had left. He leaned in close to Jack and captured his lips in a soft, tender kiss. "Let me take you out tonight," he said suddenly, deflating from what he was going to say. "Yeah. Let's go on a date," he said with a bit more confidence, nodding in enthusiasm. "I promise I'll treat ya real nice," he teased, winking at Jack.

Jack watched closely as Jesse leaned forward to kiss him again, and he changed the subject. Somehow, Jack knew that wasn't what Jesse was going to say but he didn't want to push for answers if Jesse wasn't comfortable saying whatever he was going to say. He was pleasantly surprised at the date suggestion, and a warm feeling spread through him and he smiled softly. "I'd love that," he said, leaning in to kiss Jesse again. "What do you want to do?"

Jesse grinned, glad for the subject change. "I heard there was a carnival in town," Jesse said suggestively. "Maybe I can win you an oversized teddy bear to show everyone you're my boy," Jesse teased, trying to go back to his usual flirtatious self. "We can ride the ferris wheel. Get stuck on it. Fool around." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and laughed, nudging Jack playfully in the side.

Jack grinned and let his body be swayed by Jesse's light shove, and he wrapped an arm around Jesse's neck and pulled him close to kiss his temple playfully. "Sounds romantic," he said, still laughing a little. "But why would I need an oversized teddy bear when I've got you?"

Jesse let out an over exaggerated gasp and pouted at Jack, crossing his arms over his chest. "I am not oversized," he protested, getting up from the step to go inside back upstairs to their room. He just hoped Dean and Castiel were done fucking. He really needed his walllet to get some food for lunch.

Jack grinned mischievously and stood up as well, walking up behind Jesse and wrapping his arms around his waist and lifting him up off the ground easily. "Yeah, more like undersized," he teased, spinning Jesse around once before setting him down and rubbing his back affectionately.

Jesse made a face as Jack lifted him up in the air. "Put me down," he squealed, his voice a little higher than he would have liked. He wrinkled his nose at Jack but leaned into the welcoming hand. "They better not be fucking still," he grumbled. He always got cranky if he didn't have enough food. He'd crossed nicotine and sex off his list he just needed some food to kick start the day.

Jack snorted and ruffled Jesse's hair and then wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "Depends on who's topping, I guess," he muttered with a little shrug, glancing at Jesse with shy amusement. They walked upstairs again and Jack groaned when he heard the sound of a bed creaking through the door. "Forget it, let's just go to my room," he suggested, "I've got some leftover pizza."

Jesse rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I've gotta get my wallet," he said in frustration. There was something he wanted to give to Jack at the carnival and he needed to get it before they went. His face twisted in disgust as he shook his whole body. "I'm sorry, Jay. I've gotta go in. If I don't make it out alive just remember the good times we had together."

Jack groaned and squeezed Jesse's shoulder encouragingly. "Good luck," he said with a grim expression, "Hopefully they don't murder you for interrupting their married-couple lovemaking." He patted Jesse's shoulder and nodded at him. "Be quick. I'd come in with you but I feel like that would only make things more awkward."

Jesse straightened and composed himself before barging into the room making the loudest moaning noise he could possibly make as he searched blindly around the room for Jack's gift as well as his wallet. It was times like this he wished he'd cleaned his room. Castiel stopped riding Dean, face flushed red with embarrassment. He grabbed the covers and curled them around both himself and Dean. "Jesse! What the fuck?!" he tried to shout but his voice was hoarse and worn out. Jesse just kept making moaning noise. "Trying to make things less awkward," he said, picking up his wallet and the small box from beneath an old pizza box. "Don't let me stop you," he said, swiftly leaving the room to narrowly avoid being hit with a shoe as he closed the door behind him.

Dean was so close to coming, almost at the edge of his orgasm with Cas riding his cock intensely. Dean's hands gripped Castiel's hips tight and held on as they rocked together. Suddenly the door slammed open and Jesse stomped in making obnoxiously loud noise, and Dean almost had a heart attack. He tugged the covers up over his head and groaned in complete embarrassment, hiding his head in his own elbow and cringing. "Holy shit," he breathed shakily when Jesse left and the room was silent. Jack took Jesse's hand and hurried away from the room quickly, laughing in disbelief.

Castiel groaned, falling against Dean. The moment well and truly gone. "Sorry, love," he murmured breathlessly, still panting. Jesse was giggling with Jack as they ran away. He'd just managed to put the box in his pocket out of sight as they went to Jack's room. He wasn't sure if Carlos was in or not but he doubt it mattered. They were just going to have lunch before they left again anyways.

Jack opened the door to his room and walked in ahead of Jesse. Carlos was in the shower, and Jack went over to the refrigerator and took out the rest of the leftover pizza. He handed the box to Jesse after taking a slice for himself, and he shrugged apologetically. "Our microwave's broken," he apologized, "But this pizza's not bad cold."

Jesse shrugged, taking a slice. "I don't mind cold pizza," he said, looking around Jack's room. They didn't come here much. Mainly because he and Jack were friendlier with Castiel and he was more understanding about their relationship. It was more comfortable there anyway. "You got a new poster?" he noticed with a small smile. There was something about this place, it was Jack's things but it didn't express who Jack was as a person. It didn't feel personal enough for that.

Jack shrugged sheepishly and looked at the poster. "Yeah, well. You know I'm a Muse fan, and that wall was looking a little bare." He bit into his slice of pizza and sighed quietly when the shower water turned off, meaning Carlos would come out soon. It wasn't that Jack didn't like Carlos, he was an average person, but he and Jack had never really connected. Carlos could be a bit arrogant and irritating at times, and Jack wasn't really in the mood to speak with him today. "Wanna bring one for the road?" He asked, picking up the box with a little smile as he stood up.

Jesse heard the water shut off too and figured it'd be best to leave. "Sure," he said, taking another slice and bit into it as they stood up to leave. It was once they were outside, Jesse allowed himself to act like others saw him. His usual idiotic self. "Come on, sugar. We've got a carnival to get banned from for indecent exposure," he teased, nudging Jack playfully as they walked.

Jack watched the transition from his Jesse to everyone's Jesse. It was almost like slipping behind a mask, a different personality, but he was still the same person. It was just in the way he presented himself to everybody, and Jack was so amazed that he was the one Jesse had chosen to open up to about everything and show him who he really was. They walked beside each other, still eating cold pizza, and Jack smiled happily as they walked to the carnival. "Please don't indecently expose yourself," he sighed, "Save it for later, when it's just you and me."

"And Dean and Cas.." he added with a twisted smirk. "Don't worry, sugar, you're the only one that gets to see my birthmark," he said with a happy grin. He finished his pizza and went through the carnival stalls with Jack, buying their admission tickets. "I haven't been to one of these places in years," Jesse said with a boyish grin, looking at all the colours and lights and cheerful sounds that surrounded them.

Jack grinned and leaned over to kiss Jesse's cheek, unable to resist. The look in Jesse's eyes was so bright and full of life, making him look like an excited kid, and it was adorable. It was good to see Jesse so genuinely delighted about something. "I used to go every year in the summer," he said, "But that was when I was a kid. I forgot how much fun it is."

Jesse grinned, tugging on Jack's arm. "This place is amazing!" he beamed, looking around. He spotted shooting game in the far corner and went over with Jack to it. "I'm gonna win you that large ass unicorn!" he said, pointing at the stuffed bear shaped like a ivory unicorn with a rainbow mane. The game was to shoot as many target metal ducks as possible with 15 shots. "Hit all 15 and you'll win the unicorn," the man said in amusement, looking between Jesse and Jack.

Jack smiled shyly and giggled, blushing a little as the man looked between them with an amused smile. "Go for it, Jes," he encouraged, still laughing, "I'm not getting my hopes up and I won't be too disappointed if you don't win the unicorn. Not that we'd have a place to put it anyway." Jack grinned and squeezed Jesse's hand, feeling like he was glowing with happiness at the fun they were already having.

Jesse smirked, looking the bb gun over. "Don't worry, Jay. I'm from Canada. I know how to shoot," he bragged, lining up his shot and took out five ducks in a row before moving onto the new lane. He missed the second one but got the other four. Then got all five in the third lane. "Damn it," he muttered in annoyance, putting the gun down and shrugged at the guy. "Don't think you could let me off for that could ya? My boy's got his heart set on that unicorn."

Jack watched in amusement as Jesse carefully aimed and shot the targets. He started out really well, but then missed one of the ducks halfway through and finished off strong, but it was only 14 out of 15. He patted Jesse on the back when he was done, grinning at him. "It's okay, I probably would've hit like 3 of them. And seriously, I really don't need the-" he was cut off by the man "Aw, that's alright," He took down the unicorn and handed it over to Jesse. It was nearly the size of Jesse and Jack's eyes widened and he gave the man an uncertain smile. "Thanks, although he's the one who's got his heart set on it. Just so you know."

Jesse grinned, setting down his money in exchange and grinned at Jack. "Hey, I won you a prize. Be grateful," Jesse said with a smirk as he pushed the toy into Jack's arms. The unicorn's mane bright like rainbows and made Jesse think of Robert again. His smiled faltered a little before he pushed the bad thoughts away. "Come on, Jay. Let's go check out the cotton candy stands."

Jack took the oversized unicorn and held it awkwardly in front of him, not sure how he was going to carry it around for the rest of the day. He noticed something dark flicker in Jesse's eyes, almost too quick to notice before it was gone and there was nothing but Jesse's trademark smile. He'd ask about it later, but right now they were having a fun day and Jack didn't want to spoil it. "Because sugar is definitely what you need," he muttered teasingly, following Jesse to the cotton candy.

Jesse winked at Jack and chuckled, ordering a bag of cotton candy for them to share. He ate some, humming at the way it melted in his mouth. He fed Jack some seeing as his hands were full right now and grinned. "What do you wanna do?" he asked Jack with a small, loving smile. He knew how he wanted this night to end. He had it all figured out. He just wanted to make sure Jack had fun whilst they were here first.

Jack laughed and tried to eat the cotton candy Jesse was feeding him without getting his face all sticky, and then he studied Jesse's face lovingly. "You're a messy eater," he scolded playfully, leaning forward slowly and licking a bit of sticky cotton candy off Jesse's lips. He backed up and licked his own lips, still holding the unicorn under his arm, and then he looked around at the carnival. "Hmm... wanna try bumper cars?" He suggested with a little smile.

Jesse grinned, letting Jack tease the sugar off his lips. "Mm, sounds good," he said happily, going with Jack to the bumper cars. The attendee took one look at the unicorn and gave them and odd look. "Would you mind looking after this? Lady Penelope isn't old enough to drive just yet," he smirked, letting the guy put the unicorn to the side whilst he and Jack took to the bumper cars.

Jack gave Jesse a strange look, raising one eyebrow. "Lady Penelope?" He repeated in amusement as they got into the bumper cars and waited for the signal to begin driving. When they were set loose, Jack struggled to move forward and ended up spiraling into Jesse's car, an accidental victory. He laughed and kept going, slowly remembering how to drive a bumper car.

Jesse merely shrugged in response. "She needs a name." When they started driving, Jesse zoomed off whilst Jack tried to move and they ended up smacking into each other. Jesse couldn't stop laughing the whole time, bumping into Jack occasionally whilst trying to avoid being hit by Jack. By the time the buzzer went off to say the session was over, Jesse was in stitches. He couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed so hard. Had so much fun. He wiped his tears and went over to Jack to pick up the unicorn. "That was awesome," he sighed, laughter subsiding.

They were both laughing hysterically by the time it was over, and Jack walked over to Jesse shakily, still dizzy from the bumper cars, and shoved him playfully as he calmed down. "Good thing we didn't eat right before that, or I'd be puking right now. How are you feeling, by the way?" He asked, smile fading into a look of concern. Jesse looked a lot better but he'd had a nasty bug and Jack didn't want him to overdo it.

Jesse laughed, nuzzling Penelope playfully and leaning against Jack slightly. "Still got headaches but nothing aspirin won't fix," he said with a shrug. "I'm not burning up anymore so I should be fine." He handed Jack back his unicorn and they continued to walk through the carnival, checking out games and rides as they went. Eventually, they got to the end of the carnival where it petered off into the park and Jesse found a spot to rest by under a tree.

Jack walked casually through the carnival beside Jesse, still carrying the huge unicorn, and just enjoying their day together. It was a lot of fun to just spend the day like this, all innocent fun and excitement, but it was a relief to be able to sit down and rest after a few hours. He placed the unicorn down on the grass and sat beside Jesse, sipping his coke and then offering some to Jesse. "Thanks for an amazing day," he murmured, kissing Jesse lovingly.

Jesse grinned, kissing Jack back and took his coke from him and took a sip before handing it back to Jack. "Thanks for being a part of it, sugar." He cleared his throat, fumbling in his pocket for the box he'd put there earlier. "Look, Jay," he said softly, swallowing thickly. "I don't really know how to say this..I mean..I've never.." He paused, taking a deep breath. "This stuff ain't easy for me Jay but I wanna thank you... y'know for being with me." He handed Jack the box which contained a really expensive watch before he scratched the back of his neck absently, pulling out his cigarettes, in desperate need of one after saying all that.

Jack took the box hesitantly and stared at Jesse with a mixture of emotions. He bit his lip and then opened the box slowly, glancing up at Jesse as he did so. Jesse looked so nervous and unsure, and Jack didn't know what to say to him. Inside the box was a very fancy watch. It wasn't anything flashy, more of a modest silver, but Jack could tell it was expensive and very well made. It was heavy in his hand and he held his breath as he lifted it out of the box and looked at it in amazement. "Jesse, I... you didn't need to get me anything," he said softly, "You've given me enough." He leaned forward and took the cigarette out of Jesse's lips and kissed him tenderly, tasting like smoke and sugar. "You told me you loved me," he whispered, "That's everything I've ever wanted."

Jesse pouted a little when Jack stole his cigarette but leaned into the kiss anyway. "I just..I needed to do something, Jay. You're...you're my boy," he said, smiling proudly. "I wanted to do this for you. Just..just something to show you how much you mean to me." He put the cigarette back between his lips and lit it quickly, sucking in the toxins and blew out smoke, needing to calm his nerves.

Jack knew that Jesse was extremely rich and could easily afford to buy items like the watch, but he felt odd accepting such an expensive gift. Jack had been poor all his life and was used to working for whatever he earned, and he didn't know how to react. He couldn't reject it and risk hurting Jesse's feelings, when he was obviously very nervous to be giving this to him, but he also felt guilty accepting the gift. "Jes, I... it's beautiful," he started in a quiet voice, looking down at the watch in his hands. "I don't know what to say. I haven't received a gift since my 10th birthday." He laughed awkwardly in an attempt to hide his nerves, but it didn't work. "And I have nothing to give you in return," he admitted sadly, unable to look at Jesse.

Jesse almost choked on the smoke, unable to believe what he was hearing. Jesse had been spoilt rotten as a child. His father could afford it that was for sure but as soon as he was old enough to understand the concept of money and material goods he began edging away from being the spoilt brat he once was. He refused to use his father's money and had used his own to buy Jack's gift. He just couldn't believe Jack had never received another gift until now. "Jack. I don't want anything," he said seriously. "My whole life has been nothing but gifts. You've given me something money can't buy. You've given me you. Just you, Jack. That's all I want. All I need." He gasped a little at his own words. He hadn't meant to sound so serious. He looked away, taking an inhale on his cigarette.

Jack looked up in surprise, his breath catching in his throat as his heart fluttered. He didn't know if he'd heard right, but one look at Jesse's nervous expression was enough to tell him that he had. This was important, and Jack was amazed that Jesse had said what Jack had been trying not to, because he feared Jesse wouldn't feel the same. He set the box containing the watch carefully down on the grass beside him and then leaned forward to gently cup Jesse's face and look into his eyes. "Jesse, I love you," he said seriously, and then kissed him tenderly with passion.

Jesse almost dropped his cigarette as Jack kissed him and told him he loved him. "I..I do too, Jay. You're my boy," he said softly, leaning into Jack's touch. He pulled away carefully so he could smoke without blowing it into Jack's face. "I-I-I'm just glad you're still with me. I...I thought you would have left me by now. Especially after all that I did to you when we first met."

Jack smiled softly and sat back a little bit to study Jesse's face thoughtfully. He smiled shyly when Jesse called him his boy, loving it more than he probably should, and he blushed a little. He'd been called that before, by Ricky, and it was said with more possession than affection, and it was amazing to hear it from Jesse's lips, someone who genuinely cared about him. It showed him that the past couldn't hurt him anymore and the scars were healing. "I thought you'd get bored of me," Jack admitted. "But I don't think it's possible to get bored of you. You're unpredictable, Jes." He smiled lovingly and kissed his cheek.

Jesse smiled sadly. "I could never get bored of you," he said sincerely. "You're too normal to be boring." Jesse winced, taking another drag of his cigarette. "No. Wait. Not what I meant. I mean..you're steady. You know what you like and that's great. You keep to yourself and you're just...logical. Me..I..I don't know what I want. I'm all over the place. I'm too much to handle. I just..unpredictable shouldn't be a good thing, Jay."

Jack shrugged and moved so he was sitting cross-legged on the ground, absently picking at the grass in front of him. "I'm steady and logical, and I know what I like." He repeated, looking up at Jesse with a gently teasing grin. "Steady, yes. I was a mess before but now that I'm here I have my life under control, and it's really good. Logical? Yeah, I'm pretty logical. I survived on my own for years and now I'm in college, I must have done something right. And yeah, I know I like you, Jesse."

Jesse smiled a little, relieved Jack wasn't taking offense to his words. "You've done so well, Jay. I'm so proud of you," he said honestly. "After everything you've been through. Jesus, Jay. I'm so proud of you. What you do for your sister. What you did to stay alive. It's...it's inspiring." He took the small box from the ground and took out the watch and put it on Jack's wrist, holding his hand steadily. "I want you to have this," he said seriously. "No matter what. Just promise me you'll keep this. It isn't about me. It's about you and what you've done to get this far. Not just with relationships but with everything, Jay."

Jack bit his lip as Jesse praised him and then put the watch on his wrist, the metal cool against his skin. He suddenly felt like crying, overwhelmed by the emotions this act of kindness and love had triggered. He looked at the watch for a moment and then back up at Jesse, eyes wide and shining with unshed tears with a smile on his face. "I didn't know you were capable of being serious," he murmured teasingly, before leaning in and hugging Jesse tightly. "Thank you so much, Jes. Everything you said means so much to me. You mean so much to me."

Jesse laughed a little, deflating as Jack hugged him tight. He put his cigarette out on the ground before he hugged Jack back. "Hey I'm not doin' too badly, huh?" he joked, giving Jack a slight squeeze. "You mean a lot to me too," he agreed quietly, biting his lip to stop from saying anything stupid. "Come on, I think Lady Penelope wants to go home," he said lightly, pulling away from Jack to address the unicorn with a slightly twisted smile.

Jack snorted in amusement and nodded. "Yeah, you're doing all right. Could be better, but I guess you can stick around,' he said, kissing Jesse softly to show him he was only joking. "Yeah, we should probably clear a place somewhere to put her," he said, smiling softly when he looked at the unicorn Jesse had been so determined to get for him. He sighed and stood up with Jesse, and picked up the unicorn. "Thank you, Jesse," he said seriously, "I had an amazing day. Every day has been amazing, actually." He smiled and took a deep breath, looking at Jesse with love.

Jesse grinned happily, petting the unicorn. "Yeah. It's been quite the adventure," Jesse hummed. They walked back to Jesse's finding Castiel and Dean gone. Presumably they'd gone out for the day too after the morning's activities. "Thanks Jay," he said happily, hugging Jack tightly. "I'm gonna hit the hay," he said, stretching and yawned tiredly. "You gonna stick around or head home? I don't mind but I've gotta be up early for rehearsals tomorrow anyways."

Jack eyed the unicorn thoughtfully and then shrugged. "I guess I'll go back to my own place, I want to sleep in tomorrow. And I need to put Lady Penelope somewhere." He kissed Jesse on the lips gently and hugged him back. "Thanks for an amazing day," he murmured, hanging on for a moment before backing away and retreating with a smile. Once he was alone in his and Carlos' room, Jack sat cross legged on his bed and hugged the unicorn tightly, smiling into the plush material.

Jesse smiled, seeing Jack out before going to bed. He'd shower in the morning he decided, too tired to do anything else. He fell asleep uneasy, thinking of Robert again. He hadn't thought of him in a long time but being at the carnival today, something just stirred the memory and it made Jesse feel sick. He loved Jack but remembering about Robert made him feel dirty. Like he was cheating almost because of how the guy had treated him. Eventually he fell asleep, too exhausted to do anything else.

Carlos came in about half an hour later and raised an eyebrow at the huge unicorn sitting on Jack's bed, and Jack glanced at it. "Jesse and I went to the carnival and he won that. I'll keep it out of your way, promise," he teased. Carlos laughed and shook his head in amusement. "You starting a collection? With your bird pillows and everything?" Jack sighed and shook his head. "Nah, that might get out of hand," he said tiredly, suddenly exhausted. "I'm gonna shower," he said, carefully taking off the watch and putting it back in the small box which he'd kept, and he slid it into the top drawer of his desk, giving Carlos a warning look. He'd noticed Carlos eying the watch with interest, and Jack didn't quite trust him. Carlos looked up at him and narrowed his eyes in confusion, and Jack sighed and then went into the shower, hoping Carlos got the message and wouldn't touch it.

Jesse didn't sleep well. He awoke only a few hours after trying to sleep. Castiel was back though and fooling around with Dean. Nothing to creep him out with just making out while watching a movie with the volume turned down low. Jesse sighed, curling in on himself. He missed Robert. Well, he didn't but three years of the guy telling you he's the best you'll get does something to you. He didn't sleep well that night at all. He wanted to call Jack, ask him to come over but he didn't want to seem pathetic so he tried to deal with it on his own, sleeping restlessly the rest of the night.

After his shower, Jack fell asleep quickly, tired from the eventful day and all the walking they'd done. He couldn't stop thinking about Jesse and everything they'd said to each other, and he fell asleep with a smile on his face. He tried not to overthink anything because if he did he'd definitely start doubting himself again and he couldn't afford to feel that way when he'd made so much progress here. Luckily, he was fast asleep before he even had time to think about worst-case scenarios and he woke up feeling refreshed the next morning. He texted Jesse "good morning, sleep well? xx"

Jesse slept a few more hours and awoke in the morning grouchy and tired. His phone buzzed with a message from Jack and he groaned in annoyance. "go way. dont wanna annoy you today xx" he texted back, pressing his face back into his pillow with a groan. Dean and Castiel were still asleep in the bed next to his and they looked so happy. It made him sick.

Jack frowned in confusion when he read Jesse's text and then sighed, dragging himself out of bed and going into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He texted Jesse again saying, "well im gonna annoy you. im bringing you coffee, sounds like you need some this morning 3". He got dressed and then put on the watch proudly, smiling down at it, and then grabbed his wallet and headed outside to walk to the nearest coffee shop and get Jesse's favorite coffee and a bagel.

Jesse heard his phone buzz again but didn't answer it, too tired to move. He felt sick just watching Castiel and Dean be all couply in the other bed. Dean wrapped possessively in Castiel's arms. It reminded him of him and Robert and it was driving him crazy. He didn't want to be that anymore. He was in a healthy enough relationship with Jack. So why did he still feel this way?

Jack quickly got Jesse's coffee and then headed back up to his room and knocked lightly on the door. He texted Jesse again to tell him he was there so he wouldn't wake up Cas and Dean, and then he waited for some kind of response from Jesse. "Please tell me you didn't go back to sleep," he groaned under his breath.

Jesse's phone went off again and he could have sworn he heard a knock at the door. "Son of a bitch," he grunted. Getting out of bed, he snatched his keys from the nightstand and went to the door, pushing Jack gently away so he could close the door behind him. Both standing in the hallway. Jesse not caring he was just in his boxers. "Jack. Not today," he said in a low voice. "I've got rehearsals in an hour. I'm not in the mood for this."

"Whoa, I knew you were in a bad mood but I didn't think it was _this_ bad," Jack muttered with a frown, holding out the coffee and the bag containing the bagel for Jesse to take. He looked Jesse up and down with concern and then stared squarely into his eyes. "Jesse. What's wrong?" He asked in a serious yet gentle tone. He'd never seen Jesse like this and it scared him. Had he done something wrong? Or was it something that had nothing to do with Jack?

Jesse looked at the offerings in Jack's hand but didn't make a move to take them. "Just leave me alone, please," he begged quietly, gazing tiredly back at Jack. "I don't want to fuck this up. It's nothing to do with you okay. We're good. I just don't wanna piss you off because I'm in a bad mood." He shrugged, kissing Jack vacantly on the lips before moving away to go back inside. "I'll call you tomorrow," he said, closing the door behind him gently and sighed deeply.

Jack wanted to say something else, but Jesse had caught him off guard and he didn't know how to react. It was a clear rejection, and Jack was left standing out in the hallway holding Jesse's breakfast wondering what had gone wrong. Jesse had said it was nothing to do with Jack, but he was used to being blamed for things and he felt inexplicably guilty for something he wasn't even sure happened. He sighed heavily and went back to his own room. He left the coffee and bagel on Carlos' desk, suddenly feeling too sick to consume anything.

Jesse felt bad for pushing Jack away but it was better than the alternative. At least this way he wouldn't hurt him this way. If he'd stayed with Jack he would no doubt have yelled at him. He went to rehearsals on an empty stomach. Tired and grouchy. He was performing his piece. What should have been a simple duet with Mandy when it suddenly all came out. All his anger pushed through and surfaced in the form of his character. He spent a good ten minutes yelling at Mandy's character when he was supposed to just say his lines angrily and leave. Instead he stayed. Too pent up with rage for Robert to care. He made Mandy cry. Most of his friends stared at him in shock. They'd never seen a side to him that wasn't his sunshine and rainbows exterior. They were truly horrified and Jesse was at a loss. He yelled at Castiel and Dean when he got home. Telling them to leave and find a hotel for tonight as he threw money at them as he pushed them out the door. He curled up in the corner of the room and openly sobbed. Today would have been their sixth anniversary. Today was the third anniversary of his mom and brother's death.

When Jack got home in the evening, he found Mandy, a girl he had a few classes with, sitting on the edge of his desk. "Carlos let me in," she explained before he could even ask. Jack didn't know her that well, but Jesse did, and for whatever reason she was in his room looking completely shaken and upset. "Are you okay?" He asked in confusion, and Mandy frowned at the floor before looking back up at Jack. "I'm fine, but you're boyfriend's not." Jack's eyes widened and his heart skipped a beat. "What happened?" He demanded, and Mandy held up her hand and glared at him. "Let me explain," she interjected, "We were doing our duet from the musical and he just lost it. He went insane, just yelling and screaming for ages and none of it made any sense because it was just the lines from the play. It really scared everyone, it was like he was possessed. I think you should talk to him, he seems to listen to you." Jack was out the door before Mandy was even done talking, and he knocked on Jesse's door. "Jes, let me in," he demanded.

The sound of Jack pounding on the door was drowned out by his retching sobs. Dollar bills lined the floor from where Jesse had thrown money at Castiel and Dean. His face was soaked in tears and pressed against the money littered floor. He didn't want to talk to Jack. He didn't want to take this out on him. He was the only good thing going in his life. He couldn't let that be destroyed too. "Go away," he whined back, curling up further on himself.

Jack could easily hear Jesse sobbing through the closed door, and he went still and leaned his head against the door. "Jesse, please tell me what's going on. You're scaring me." He paused for a moment and then his frown of confusion deepened. "Where are Cas and Dean?" He asked, wondering if he should call Cas and get him to unlock the door with his key.

Jesse was shaking violently, his knees tucked under his chin as he lay on his side on the floor. "Go..Go away!" he said again, desperately not wanting Jack to see him like this. It was pathetic. Jesse never cried but ever since Jack had gotten him to open up those few months ago he didn't know how to react any other way. "P-P-Please," he whimpered, torn between wanting Jack's comfort and protecting him from this mess.

Jack tried the doorknob even though he knew the room was locked, and then sighed in frustration as he thumped his forehead against the door. "Jesse, don't make me call Cas and get him to come up here and unlock the door. This is really childish. I'm going to sit out here until you let me in and tell me what's going on." He softened his tone and added, "Jes... I don't know what's wrong but I can't help unless you tell me. I just want to help."

Jesse let out a ragged breath, sniffing helplessly. "I..I want your help," Jesse said under his breath. There was no way Jack had heard it but it scared Jesse. He'd fallen hard and was so dependant on Jack. He felt helpless without him and he didn't know what to do. He didn't want him to call Castiel. He wanted Castiel to stay away. He didn't want him to see him like this. Only Jack could. He slowly made it towards the door, stretching out to open the door whilst still laying on the floor, dollar bills stuck to his tear stained face.

Jack held his breath and pressed his ear to the door, straining to hear what Jesse said but it was an incoherent mumble. He backed up a little when he heard the doorknob turning, and he looked into the room to find Jesse lying on the floor surrounded by dollar bills with a few even stuck to his face, and it would have been funny if Jesse didn't look so broken and miserable. "Jes," he murmured sadly, dropping to his knees and gathering Jesse up in his arms. "Baby, what's wrong?"

Jesse lost it further once Jack gathered him up in his arms and closed the door behind them. "My mo..." he cried pathetically. "He- he...today." He knew he made no sense but he couldn't breathe or stop crying right now. "Jay," he whined helplessly, pressing his face into Jack's shirt and sobbed whilst he desperately clutched at Jack for support and comfort he knew Jack was kind enough to provide.

Jack bit his lip and held Jesse tight, rubbing his back nervously. "Hey, come on," he said, gently prying himself out of Jesse's gasp and then pulling him to his feet. "Let's sit on the bed, more comfortable," he explained, leading Jesse over to the bed and then pulling him close again in a warm embrace. Jesse was sobbing like he couldn't breathe and Jack felt like crying just from watching him. He'd never seen Jesse this upset and it scared the crap out of him, but he did all he could and just held him and murmured soothing words into his ear. "It's okay, I've got you," he whispered. "Just breathe,"

Jesse whimpered when Jack moved away and hobbled to his bed, lying down on it heavily as he curled up on himself, snuggling close to Jack. He whimpered as he felt the dollar bill stuck to his cheek cut into the skin. He pulled it away in distaste and threw it to the floor. He tried breathing like Jack instructed and let out ragged sobs as he did so. "R-R-Robert," he whimpered, squeezing Jack tightly.

Jack clenched his jaw tightly and took a deep breath, feeling incredibly sad and angry at the boy who'd made Jesse feel this miserable. He wanted to get Jesse calmed down before he even tried asking what happened, because right now Jesse could hardly even breathe. He looked down at him and cupped his face gently, frowning as he removed the dollar bill stuck to his cheek. "Why is there money everywhere?" He asked in confusion, not wanting to ask direct questions about why Jesse was upset because that would only make it worse.

Jesse sniffled, looking up at Jack on the bed. "I told him to leave," he answered, breathing heavily. "Threw money at him. Told him to stay somewhere else tonight." He buried his face into Jack's stomach and sobbed. "This is my fault. I shouldn't have done that to him" He clutched at Jack desperately, sobbing violently. "R-Rob did this to me," he complained quietly. "He..he made me like this."

Jack gently cradled the back of Jesse's head and held him, stroking fingers through his hair soothingly. "You kicked Cas and Dean out?" He asked in concern, but that wasn't a big deal right now. They could find their own place to stay the night, and right now Jesse needed Jack and no one else. "Oh, Jesse," he sighed sadly, leaning back and pulling Jesse up so his head was resting on his chest, and he circled his arms around him protectively. "Baby, just breathe. Calm down a little bit and then talk to me, you're gonna make yourself sick if you keep up like this."

Jesse whimpered sadly and took a deep breath. "I d-didn't want them want them to be here for this," he said, curling in on himself around Jack's body, trying to keep himself warm. "R-Rob m-made me do it. Three years ago," he sobbed hysterically, trying to breathe again. "T-Took weed. Killed my mom and brother. It's all my fault." He held onto Jack desperately, sobbing loudly, still shaking. "Jay...it's all my fault."

Jack thought for a moment, not having a clue what to do. "Jesse, you didn't kill your mom and brother. It is not your fault, I promise you. It was bad luck and you couldn't have prevented it from happening. It was an accident." Jack hugged Jesse tighter and kissed his forehead as he gently rocked them back and forth in a very small soothing motion. "Please don't blame yourself for it."

Jesse shook his head, rocking back and forth with Jack. "Rob made me get high...I-I laughed at my mom's nervous breakdown," he sniffed, curling into Jack's shirt. "I drove her to it. I could have talked her out of it. I made things worse." He whimpered, making small noises in the back of his throat. "I...I could have saved her. She died because of me. I lost my boyfriend. My mom. My brother. Because I was high and stupid."

Jack didn't know what to say, so he just held Jesse and didn't say anything. The room was silent save for Jesse's whimpers and sniffles, and Jack just comforted him the best he could. "Jes, shhh," he soothed after a few minutes, stroking his hair softly. "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm really sorry. But blaming yourself isn't going to help anything." Jack kissed Jesse's face gently and sighed against his hair.

"I killed them," he admitted shakily. "I...I was high. I..." Jesse paused, looking around the room nervously. "I laughed at her pleas for help," he sniffed tiredly. "I..I told her to do it. I taunted her as did Rob. That day...she actually did it." Jesse broke out into tears again. "She...she killed herself and my brother.." He sobbed into Jack's shirt. "I broke up with him after that. Never touched drugs again. I fucked up, Jay. I could've helped her."

Jack's heart physically ached and he buried his face in Jesse's neck, pressing his lips to the tear-stained skin. What Jesse was feeling was an impossibly huge amount of guilt and Jack was amazed that he'd kept it all in to himself all this time and put on a brave face every day. He'd had some idea of what had happened to Jesse's family, but this was the first time he was learning all these details. "But look at you now," he said softly, "You're in college, got a bright future ahead of you. You have friends. You have me. I know you feel like shit but there's a reason you're here, Jes. You need to just find out what that is."

Jesse wasn't listening to what Jack was saying. Too distraught over his mom. "Three years today, Jay," he whimpered, clutched to Jack like a lifeline. "Three years ago they died. I...I feel so lost." He held onto Jack and clutched at his shirt. "I miss them so much. I miss my mom. I miss my brother. I miss them both so much. I just wish they were still here. I wish I'd never met Rob. I wish none of this had happened."

Jack wanted to cry as well but he forced himself to blink back the tears and keep it in. "I know, Jes. I know," he murmured into Jesse's hair, holding him securely and not letting go. Jesse was clinging to him like a scared child and it made Jack think of all the times Natalie had woken up screaming and sobbing and he'd been the first to reach her and hold her until she fell asleep again, but this was different.

Jesse continued to sob, letting it all out. His whole body shaking with dread. "I'm sorry," he whispered, stroking Jack's side. "I didn't want to hurt you...in all this." He nuzzled at Jack's chest, trying to apologise, despite how desperate he might have looked. "I just miss 'em so much. I miss havin' a family." Apart from Jack, no one showed him any real affection. Not since his mom passed away. There were friends who supported him, sure, but not the way and true friend would. Someone who meant it.

Like Jesse, Jack's didn't have a family either. Technically his entire family was alive, but they'd disowned him and forbidden him from entering the house or interacting with any of them ever again. It wasn't the same as them being dead, but it was equally painful. They were there, but Jack couldn't be with them and after his most recent visit to see Natalie, it became very clear that he was not wanted and they'd been happier without him. "I miss my family too," he said quietly, "But now we have each other. Pretty great coincidence, huh?" He smiled sadly and kissed Jesse's lips tenderly. "We're family. We'll get through this, baby."

Jesse started blubbering when Jack called them a family. He kissed him back softly and tried to hold onto what little they had left. "I love you," he said quietly, pressing his forehead to Jack's chest. "You mean so much to me. We'll always be family. No matter what." Even if things went wrong for them Jesse wanted to make this work. He wanted Jack to be his family. Even if they weren't boyfriends anymore. He just never wanted to lose his Jack. What little he had left.

Jack tipped his head forward and rested his lips on the top of Jesse's head, and he sighed sadly as he just held him. It was very strange to be needed like this, to have someone depending on him this way, and it was completely different from Natalie. He let out a strangled sob and held onto Jesse tighter. "I will never hurt you, I promise," He said fiercely, thinking of Robert and how he'd hurt Jesse and torn his life apart.

Jesse sobbed, curling into Jack's body. He pressed his nose to Jack's neck, inhaling his scent. "Thank you," he whispered tiredly, just staying in Jack's arms in silence for a long time before moving away. He looked at the money at the floor and groaned. "Cas is gonna hate me," he whined, shaking his head. He'd gotten angry earlier. He'd just needed to be alone and he'd taken it out on his best friend.

"He's not going to hate you," Jack assured softly, "He's probably just concerned. Nobody's ever really seen you that angry before, he'll know something was wrong. And if he's pissed off then I'll just tell him what happened. It's okay." Jack squeezed Jesse's arm comfortingly and then slid off the bed to start picking up the money and things that had been thrown. He held up a fan of dollar bills and smirked. "What, were you trying to re-carpet the room?" He teased gently, trying to get a smile out of Jesse.

Jesse looked down at Jack as he started picking up the money from the floor. He let out a huff of a laugh and dipped his head to hide his small smile. "I..I may have told Cas to take his whore somewhere else. Buy a room for the night," he said, shame and embarrassment laced his voice. He shook his head, wiping his face from tears before getting to his knees to help Jack pick up the money.

Jack cringed and rose his eyebrows in disbelief. "Was Dean there when you said it?" He asked, reaching under the desk and then crawling over to the door to get another dollar. "I bet they're just in shock right now. I guess because you're so cute and sweet they probably didn't expect an angry outburst like that." Jack's smile was gentle and playful as he handed a handful of crumbled bills to Jesse.

Jesse bit his lip and nodded shamefully. "Yeah," he said sadly. "He didn't look too happy." He took the bills from Jack and unfolded them, setting them in a pile and put them back in his wallet. "I'll..I'll make it up to them," he promised, looking apologetically at Jack. "I'm sorry, sugar. I didn't mean to scare you back there," he said shakily. "I..I've gotta let it all out sometime, right?"

Jack nodded sympathetically and wrapped an arm around Jesse's shoulders as he scooted closer to him on the floor. "Yeah, you can't just keep it all in like this. Talk to me, alright? Seriously, if you're ever upset about something just tell me and I'll try to help you through it. You do so much for other people but you never do anything for yourself, Jes." Jack kissed Jesse's temple and then looked at him thoughtfully. "Do you think we should call them?" He asked uncertainly. "To let them know it's safe to come back and that we're both still alive?"

Jesse leaned into Jack's touch and sighed. "Okay," he agreed softly, reaching out for his phone to text Castiel. He couldn't bare to talk to Castiel in person. Not after what he said. He'd doubt he'd even answer the phone so just sent a message saying he was sorry and it was safe to come back. He set his phone on the side and sighed tiredly. "I promise I won't keep this in anymore..it's just..it's hard, Jay. I've..I've never told anyone about my mom or brother or even Robert before."

Jack nodded in understanding and rubbed Jesse's arm soothingly. He understood exactly what Jesse meant; Jack wasn't exactly comfortable telling people about his own past and family situation, it caused too much trouble and raised too many questions. It was easier to just play the part of an average person with a normal, boring past and be accepted as a person, not judged by his past. "Well, you might have to at least tell Cas something, so he doesn't think you're losing your mind."

Jesse nodded in understanding, resting his head against Jack's chest. "Yeah. I..I will," he agreed, resting his hand against Jack's thigh and rubbed absently over his jeans. He kissed Jack's shoulder, nuzzling against him like a tired puppy, making small noises in discomfort. "I..I can't thank you enough, Jay," he whispered. "Let me...let me take you out for dinner. Please. My treat."

Jack rubbed his hand lightly over Jesse's hair and kissed his forehead. "Are you sure you're up for it tonight?" He asked in gentle concern. "You don't have to do anything. I think it would probably be best if you just stayed in tonight and let things calm down a bit, you know?"

Jesse stayed still for a long time, taking in a deep breath before standing. "No," he said determinedly. "I'm taking you out. You deserve the best, Jay." He paused for a moment, looking away. "Better than me," he muttered under his breath. He went to his dresser and pulled out his finest clothes, posing for Jack and held the shirt against his body as well as two ties. "Which do you think? Blue or red? Blue matches my personality but red matches my ever-growing love for you," he said playfully, resorting to the fun and easy Jesse most knew.

Jack smiled sadly at Jesse and stood up as well, watching as he modeled some clothes. "Go with red," he said with a small smile, "I think it matches your personality better." Jack eyed Jesse thoughtfully. "You deserve the best too, Jesse. Don't forget about yourself." He stepped forward and gently cupped Jesse's face to give him a tender kiss. "I'll go get dressed," he told him.

Jesse dropped his clothes on the floor as Jack kissed him gently. "Okay," he whispered softly. "I'll..come knock on your door. Be a real gentleman about it," he said with a proud grin, showing Jack out. He got changed himself, wearing smart dress pants and a white shirt. He slipped on his red tie and a smart dinner jacket. He admired himself in the mirror for a moment before deciding enough time had gone by for Jack to be ready. Tonight he was going to spoil Jack. He was going to treat him the way he'd always deserved. He headed over to Jack's and knocked on the door gently, fixed smile and laid-back attitude, different to the Jesse only Jack knew.

Jack smiled, slightly bemused by Jesse's behavior, and then he walked down the hall to his own room to get dressed. He spent a few minutes looking through his clothes and then decided on a dark grey suit with a light pink shirt on underneath, and a subtle striped tie. He checked himself in the mirror and then took a slightly nervous breath before opening the door at Jesse's knock. "Hey... wow," he said, looking Jesse up and down and raising his eyebrows. "You look great," he commented.

Jesse grinned wolfishly when he saw Jack looking incredibly smart as he opened the door. "Wow," he breathed in unison with Jack. He chuckled, holding out his hand. "Shall we?" he said with a slight smirk. "I thought we'd go to that fancy french restaurant down the street," he said with a charming grin. "Don't worry, sugar. I won't use my French. Don't want to embarrass ya with my accent," he winked.

Jack grinned, face heating up slightly with a faint blush. He took Jesse's extended hand and walked out the door with him. "Sounds good," he said, picking up his wallet on the way and putting it in his pocket. "Never really been to a restaurant as fancy as this," he said with a slight shrug.

Jesse frowned when he noticed Jack take his wallet. "Well tonight I'm gonna treat ya, sugar," Jesse beamed. "Order whatever you want. I'll be paying let's just make that clear," he stressed, squeezing Jack's hand. "Trust me sugar, whatever is in that little wallet of yours won't even be enough to even cover the tip." He hadn't realized how dickish that might sound but tonight wasn't about money. It was about treating Jack to the finer things. Making it up to him for being a crappy boyfriend, for always demanding his attention.

Jack looked at Jesse incredulously, amused by the confident way in which Jesse wanted to spend his money. "Are you sure about this? I really wouldn't mind paying for myself or splitting the cost," he offered. Jack couldn't help it, he wasn't used to having people treat him to things, and it didn't feel right accepting this. Kind of like the watch, which was securely on his wrist, a heavy, comforting weight.

Jesse shook his head. "Of course, Jay," he said with a grin. "I have more money than I could possibly need. What's the point in having it if I can't spend it on the people I love." He stopped them, just outside of campus to look up at Jack warmly. He took his cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one up, smoking as they walked along the sidewalk to the restaurant.

Jack turned to look at Jesse and smiled softly, and he reached out to gently brush an eyelash off Jesse's cheek, it must have gotten stuck there when Jesse was crying. He looked down at the delicate eyelash on the tip of his finger and held it out to Jesse. "Make a wish," he murmured.

Jesse held his cigarette out the way and looked at Jack's finger, smiling softly. He looked up at Jack and closed his eyes, thinking for a moment on what to wish on but with Jack by his side and a warmth in his heart, he couldn't think of what else he could possibly want. He blew the eyelash from Jack's finger and smiled sadly. He'd wished for hope. Hope that Natalie would be okay. He opened his eyes and gave Jack a small, almost apologetic look before continuing to walk, inhaling on his cigarette as they went.

Jack watched Jesse blow the eyelash away with a smoke-tainted breath and then took his hand again, giving him a curious look as Jesse smiled at him sadly. The rest of the walk was made in comfortable silence, and in a few minutes they were standing in front of the French restaurant. It looked fancier than anything Jack had ever seen, and he felt out of place there even after living in New York City for months.

Once they arrived at the restaurant, Jesse put out his cigarette butt on the ground and put it in the trash before stepping inside with Jack. The woman at the serving desk gave them a patronising look but Jack ignored it, sauntering up to the desk, leaving Jack to stand behind him slightly. "Hey sweetheart, table for two," he said with a charming smile. The woman wasn't buying it. "Do you have a reservation, sir?" The sir had a bit of a bitter tone to it that made Jesse grin further. "No but..I'm sure we can arrange something," he said in a low voice, slipping a $50 bill across the table. The woman looked at the bill and shook her head. "Sorry sir. There's no table available. Our reservations are months in advance."

Jack watched the interaction uncertainly and then stepped forward to rest his hand on Jesse's arm. "Jes, it's fine, we don't have to eat here, it's okay." He looked at the woman with a polite smile and then turned back to Jesse. "It's okay, really. We can make a reservation and come back another time." Jack felt bad about this, because Jesse was clearly determined to do this and he didn't want him to feel disappointed, even though Jack honestly didn't mind.

Jesse shook his head. "No. No, it's okay, Jay," he said softly, pushing Jack's hand away gently so he could turn back to the woman. "May I speak with the chef?" he requested politely. The woman scrunched her nose up and shook her head. "I'm afraid I can't allow that sir," she said in a tone that told Jesse she wasn't too fond of him. "It's just..my father, he's..sort of a regular," he said. He didn't want to pull this card. Hated himself for it but he wanted to show Jack a place that didn't have cola stains on the floor for once. He cocked his head towards a picture frame on their wall of 'dining with the famous'. A picture of not only his father but his whole family and the chef. He tried not to feel uneasy when he saw his mother smiling back at him. The woman changed her tune and nodded, "O-Of course. We may have something available. Right this way."

Jack looked at the photo Jesse had pointed out and squinted at it with interest. He recognized Jesse as a child, and also his little brother and his mom. It was chilling and strange, because he could see Jesse in his mother and father and his brother looked so much like him it was unsettling. He quickly tore his gaze away and then moved a little closer to Jesse, giving him a reassuring look as they started to walk after the hostess.

After being seated, Jesse deflated a little, watching the hostess leave. "Jay..I'm sorry I had to pull that card. It wasn't my intentions," he apologized softly, reaching over the table for Jack's hand. "I just..with what day it is. This place came to mind. I knew we'd be able to get in. I gave it a shot," he shrugged. "I hope you're okay with this. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I just wanted to show you some of the finer things."

Jack felt warm at Jesse's earnest apology. "Jesse, it's really sweet of you." he said fondly, "I have to admit I feel a bit out of place and I hope I don't embarrass you with my street-ruffian table manners or something, but this is really nice, Jes." Jack took Jesse's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I love you," He said softly, giving Jesse a reassuring smile. "This is perfect. Thank you for doing this."

Jesse blushed a little, looking around when Jack said he loved him. He still wasn't used to saying that sort of stuff in public. "I..I do too," he said, shaking his head. "It's the least I could do. You've been the perfect boyfriend, Jay. I..I just needed to show you this. Give you things you've been deprived of most your life." He leaned in closer and squeezed Jack's hand. "I want to give you everything, Jay. You deserve it."

Jack noticed the way Jesse looked uncomfortable when Jack told him he loved him. It hurt a little but Jack knew it wasn't anything against him, it was just that Jesse wasn't used to it. He squeezed his hand apologetically in return and was about to let go, but then Jesse tightened his grip on his hand and leaned in, and he smiled in amazed adoration at Jesse's words.

Jesse nodded, letting go of Jack's hand when a waiter came over and stopped dead in his tracks before turning around and got his co-worker to tend to them instead. Jesse rolled his eyes and tried not to turn red but couldn't help it and order their drinks quickly so the waitress could leave. "Didn't know Mark worked here," he said awkwardly, giving Jack an apologetic look.

Jack raised his eyebrows in confusion when the waiter stared at them and then turned around immediately before striding away. He looked down at himself self-consciously and then blushed, turning to Jesse with a puzzled frown. "What was that all about?" He asked quietly as soon as they were seated at a table across from each other. "Who's Mark?"

"A guy I hooked up with," Jesse said awkwardly. Before it wouldn't have bothered him. He was a slut, so what? Now he was with Jack he felt bad about these things. "When I was..trying to get over you," he said quietly, biting his lip. He'd tried many times to find someone who could make him forget about Jack but none of them had succeeded. Jack was well and truly under his skin.

Jack didn't know what to say. He bit his lip and looked down at the table uncertainly. "Uh," he said with an uncomfortable shrug, "This is a little awkward," He looked over at the guy, who was standing in the far corner of the restaurant, and then Jack accidentally met his eyes and he quickly looked away. But there was something else that made him feel a little warm inside, and he couldn't help but smile a little and try to meet Jesse's eyes. "You were trying to get over me?" He repeated curiously, because obviously it wasn't successful.

Jesse's eyes widened a little. "Of course. I spent a good part of that month getting drunk and fooling around with guys just to try and get you out of my head," Jesse said before realizing how bad that sounded. "But you were already under my skin, Jay. I was going crazy with it," he added. "I need you in my life. You were and always will be more than a quick fuck for me."

Jack blushed deeply and tried to hide his awestruck, shy smile. He couldn't believe he'd had that affect on somebody. He knew that what they had was serious and definitely something good, but it was surprising to know that Jesse felt this way about him. "Whoa," he said quietly, looking up at Jesse and grinning shyly. "That's... wow. I guess that's a compliment?" He took Jesse's hand. "I felt the same about you but I tried not to let myself have feelings for you because I didn't want to get my hopes up, you know? Like, why would someone like you want to be with somebody like me?"

Jesse shook his head. "I don't deserve you, Jay." He took his hand anyway, squeezing it lightly. "I was an ass to you. You don't deserve that. You deserve this," he said, gesturing around them. "All the nice things, Jay. You deserve everything good." He kissed the knuckles on Jack's hand and smiled softly.

Jack blushed deeper when Jesse kissed his hand, and he looked around timidly at the fancy restaurant. "I've been poor all my life, I never really valued expensive fancy stuff like this," he said, licking his lips awkwardly. "But I really appreciate all of this, Jes. Even though it's completely unnecessary. Just spending time with you is all I need."

"It's not unnecessary," Jesse protested. "I have more money than I could ever need to spend. Why shouldn't I show you the nicer things in life? Hell, with what you've been through you deserve it." He let go of Jack's hand when the waitress came with their drinks. "Thank you," he said, taking a sip of his coke.

Jack smiled softly at Jesse's kindness and then thanked the waitress as she set their drinks down. "Thank you," he said quietly to Jesse once the waitress had left. "I'm not used to accepting this kind of stuff," he admitted, "I really do appreciate it and I can't thank you enough. You're spoiling me. And I don't have much to give you in return."

"I've got you," Jesse countered with a shrug. "What else could I want?" He picked up a menu and hid behind it slightly. He was smiling too damn much. He picked what he wanted to eat and looked over at Jack. "Ready to order?" he asked, squeezing his hand. "You want me to order in French?" he smirked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Jack smiled softly, amazed that Jesse actually thought he was worth keeping around. He'd never felt more loved or more special. He grinned back at Jesse as he sipped his coke with the straw, looking up at him through his eyelashes. "If you really want to," he said, "You're going to embarrass yourself. And me."

Jesse made a face, shaking his head. "I'll be fine," he said, waiting until the waitress came back over to take their order. He ordered their food in perfect French but the woman didn't understand what he was saying so had to repeat it in English. After she left, Jesse gave Jack a look. "Okay so I embarrassed myself..but not in the way you'd have thought," he bargained with a smirk.

Jack watched in disbelief as Jesse placed their orders in flawless French, and the poor waitress looked flustered and nervous and Jack bit his lip to hide his grin until she left. He clapped for Jesse, impressed. "You never told me you knew French!" he accused in surprise. Jack himself had taken Spanish in school and wasn't exactly skilled in it, but he never knew Jesse was so fluent in French. He knew Castiel was, but that was because he'd lived in France as a kid.

"I'm French Canadian, bitch," Jesse said with a grin, sipping at his coke. He grew up speaking both French and English but rarely used his French. Only to pass school and talk to his brother, really. It was more of a novelty thing now more than anything. Something to just show off with. He sometimes talked to Castiel in French but it was more effort than it was worth really.

"Just when I thought you couldn't get any more interesting," Jack teased, smirking back at Jesse and also sipping at his drink. "We should go to a Mexican place for our next date so I can show off my Spanish." Jack looked at his boyfriend lovingly, studying his face and expression. He wanted to remember this night and keep it safe in his heart, because he'd never felt this loved before in his entire life.

Jesse grinned around the straw, taking another quick sip before looking up at Jack. "Second date, huh?" he teased. "Sounds fun. We'll have to try it." He loved this. How easy it was for them to be around each other. How loved he felt. He would cry if he hadn't spent half the day doing just that. Food arrived shortly, making Jesse melt into his chair. "Smells so good."

Jack giggled at Jesse's enthusiasm about the food, and his mouth watered at the scent of it. "I don't think I've ever even seen filet mignon in real life," Jack admitted with an amused grin, eyeing Jesse's plate. "That does look really good." Jack had opted for something more modest and less expensive, alfredo linguini with shrimp. It was incredibly delicious and Jack had never had such fancy pasta.

Jesse grinned. The portions were small but the food was amazing. At least from what he remembered. He ate quickly, enjoying every bite and Jack looked like he was doing the same. The meal was fantastic and definitely worth pulling his shit together to come out and eat tonight. He loosened his tie a little and sighed. "Amazing!" he singsonged as the waitress took away their empty plates.

Jack savored each bite of his meal and was full when it was gone, and he snorted in amusement when Jesse chirped 'amazing!' at the waitress when she took their plates. Jack was a little nervous about the cost of the meal but he knew if he said anything Jesse would just make him shut up and not let him pay at all, so he just decided to accept whatever Jesse wanted to do even if he felt uncertain about accepting such an expensive gift.

Jesse of course, as promised, paid for the meal. He took Jack's hand and left the restaurant only to have a few photographers waiting for him. He sighed but put on a smile, holding Jack's hand tight. "Sorry fella's but my father isn't here," he said politely, taking a step away but the photographers followed them so Jesse stopped a smiled tightly. "We'll pose for a few photos for your magazine, okay? Just please don't follow me. I'm trying to have a nice night out, okay?" he bargained only to be bombarded about questions about the anniversary of his mom and brother's death.

Jack was completely unprepared for the photographers waiting for Jesse outside of the restaurant, and he watched in confusion as they started asking questions. Jesse literally had paparazzi following him around, and they were taking pictures for a magazine? Jack tried to slip out of Jesse's grip, suddenly incredibly uncomfortable, but Jesse was gripping his hand tightly. "Jes... I don't know if I should..." he leaned close to murmur in Jesse's ear as he eyed the photographers warily. He felt alienated and out of place. This was only serving to sharpen the contrast between his world and Jesse's, and Jack felt more uncomfortable than ever.

Jesse sighed, squeezing Jack's hand. "Just two seconds. I'll get rid of them, okay?" he murmured back in his ear. "Gentleman, as you probably know my father is still out of the country filming his latest movie. So on behalf of us both, I'd like to say we're still grieving over the tragic loss that happened three years ago. We appreciate the love and support we've received from friends and fans alike. Thank you. Now if you'll excuse me I'd like to return to my quiet evening." He quickly walked away with Jack, taking a shaky breath. He hadn't had to do that in a long time. He was glad he was able to come up with something to say. "Jay, I'm so sorry," he whispered when they were just getting back to the room. "I forgot today they'd.." he shook his head, looking up at Jack. "Are you okay, sugar?"

Jack clenched his teeth and tried not to look like a terrified deer in the headlights. He kept his gaze firmly on the ground and didn't move, squeezing Jesse's hand tight. He was desperate to get out of there, and even when cameras flashed he refused to look up. He could just see it now, tabloid newspapers with a picture of the two of them on the front with a headline about a famous actor's son with a gold-digging boyfriend, or maybe the media didn't know that Jesse was gay and it would create a scandal or something, and Jack was terrified. Once they were back in the room, Jack ran his hands through his hair shakily and then let out a stressed sigh, sitting down on the nearest bed and taking a deep breath. "I was in the pictures they took," he muttered nervously,

Jesse shook his head, coming to kneel on the floor in front of Jack. "Jay," he said calmly. "I can assure you it'll all be okay. They'll say I've got a new boyfriend or do a little article online about how I'm dealing with my mom's death. It's just the day's news. I'm not my father this isn't going to get out of control okay." He stroked Jack's leg, watching him carefully. "You'll be a 'nameless lover' no doubt. That's all. It really isn't a big thing. I think I handled it pretty well considering."

Jack breathed out shakily and looked at Jesse, already feeling reassured. "Sorry I freaked out," he mumbled, "I just kind of panicked. Wasn't expecting reporters." Jack often forgot that Jesse was related to a famous celebrity, because it wasn't important to him and Jesse never brought it up in conversation, and he acted like a completely normal, well, easier with money, college kid. "I just didn't want to cause a scandal for you or anything. Or be involved in one, for that matter."

"I understand," he said quietly. "And I'm sorry, I should have been expecting them. I wasn't thinking." He kissed Jack's knee before pressing his forehead against it. "There won't be a scandal. I'm gay. It's not a secret. There just might be a bit of interest but nothing negative. If there is, I'll call my father, he'll sort it out with his agent, I promise."

Jack looked down at Jesse, who was kneeling at his feet, and then took a deep breath and calmed himself down. He rested his hand on the back of Jesse's head and leaned forward to kiss his head. "It's okay, I was just startled. I sometimes forget I'm dating a celebrity's son." He stroked Jesse's hair gently and sighed again.

Jesse smiled a little, leaning into the touch. "Good. I like that you forget. It's not important. It's not who I am," he said, closing his eyes and just enjoying Jack's comfort. He soon stood up, discarding his tie and jacket as he moved to sit in Jack's lap, undoing the other's tie as he kissed him sweetly. "Let's just sleep. Deal with what comes tomorrow, okay?"

Jack nodded and sighed deeply, closing his eyes and letting every sensation of Jesse wash over him. Jesse was a solid weight in his lap and Jack could feel the weight of his body through their clothes, and he kissed him back just as gently and wrapped his arms around Jesse's back. "Yeah," he murmured in agreement, looking at Jesse tiredly. "Sleep sounds good. Thank you for an amazing dinner, that was really good."

Jesse smiled softly, kissing Jack slowly as he carefully removed their clothes bit by bit until they were finally laid out in bed, pressed close to one another. "I'm glad you enjoyed it, Jay," he said with a yawn, closing his eyes. "Get some sleep. We'll deal with everything else tomorrow," he promised, twining their hands and holding them close to his face whilst he slept.

Jack was tired, but he stayed awake for several more minutes just watching Jesse sleep. He gently traced the outlines of his face with a fingertip, their noses barely an inch apart, and he could feel Jesse's soft warm breaths on his lips. He couldn't believe he had a relationship like this, someone who actually cared about him and even loved him. It was amazing and Jack wanted to hold on and cherish every moment, because he didn't know if he'd ever find another person as sweet and kind as Jesse.

Jesse awoke in the morning to find Castiel back. He wasn't sure where Dean was but Castiel looked mad. He gave him an apologetic look but Castiel just ignored him, getting what looked like Dean's stuff and headed out the door again. Jesse sighed, rolling onto his back. Jack still looked like he was sleeping so Jesse decided to pull out his laptop and check what the press had said about last night.

Dean was waiting downstairs for Cas to get his stuff out of the room, and he was pretty concerned about whatever was going on between Cas and Jesse. It looked like a huge fight and Dean didn't really understand any of the context behind it, but Cas was really pissed off about it and Dean wasn't exactly sure how to feel. Soon after Cas left, Jack woke up and noticed Jesse on the computer, and he rolled over to read it over Jesse's shoulder. To his dismay, there was a picture of both of them on the news webpage, and Jack groaned quietly. "I look like a total dumbass," he complained.

"You look hot," Jesse countered, not even bothering to look to see that Jack was indeed awake. He could feel him breathing against his neck. "Just look at these comments. The world is jealous of me, babe. They think you're sexy." He looked over at Jack and wiggled his eyebrows, pouting his lips a little to try and pull the pose Jack had going on in the photo. Over exaggerated of course.

Jack groaned again and buried his face in Jesse's shoulder, blushing deeply. "I look like I'm about to shit my pants," he muttered, but he couldn't help but look up at the screen again and hesitantly look at the picture and the comments underneath. He blushed when he read a few comments, and then he rolled his eyes. "They're jealous of _me_, Jes. I'm just lucky enough to be dating a celeb."

Jesse shook his head, showing Jack the comments. "They think you're hot, babe," Jesse grinned, awkwardly turning so he could wrap an arm around Jack. "I do too," he smiled, planting a kiss to his forehead. He showed Jack the article which just talked about Jesse's mom, brother and his new lover. "See, nothing bad. Just a general: What's happening in Jesse's life story. They haven't spun it for once. Which is good news for us. We'll be okay."

Jack shook his head and grimaced, hiding his face in Jesse's shoulder again as Jesse wrapped an arm around him. "Ugh," he groaned in shy embarrassment. He moved after a moment to read the article, and he didn't find anything wrong with it. "I'm glad they didn't get my name, I really don't need stalkers. I wonder if anyone I know will see this." In a selfish way, Jack kind of hoped his family would somehow find out about this, just to prove a point. He didn't need them, he'd fallen in love with a beautiful man. He wasn't worthless like they'd told him he was.

Jesse grinned. "Well, I can always put up printouts around campus," he smirked, closing his laptop and set it aside so he could tackle Jack with cuddles and pin him to the bed, kissing him and pulling silly faces. "Let everyone know how much I love you," he murmured, squeezing Jack in a hug and laughing happily, nuzzling at the other man's neck. "And just how adorable you are."

Jack squirmed half-heartedly under Jesse and grinned up at him. His skin was still flushed, but he was laughing carelessly. "I'd rather you didn't advertise me to the public," he pleaded, "The last thing I need is that kind of attention." He smiled up at Jesse and cupped his face in both hands, pulling him down for a kiss. "Although I don't mind when you tell me you love me. That's quite nice," he teased.

Jesse's features softened, moving his head so they met eye to eye. "Well I do," he said seriously. "I may not say it that much but I do, Jay. So much." He kissed Jack passionately and sighed. "Don't know what I'd do without you." He rolled to the side so he wasn't squishing the other and looked over at him adoringly, stroking his cheek with a finger.

Jack smiled softly and gazed lovingly into Jesse's eyes after they kissed deeply, breathing slow and deep. "I love you too, Jes," he whispered, "I've never been so sure of anything in my life." Although Jack had been in love with Mike, the boy he'd lost his virginity to, the pain of betrayal when Mike had turned against him far outweighed the good parts of their relationship. With Ricky, it wasn't love so much as codependence, but now there was nothing between him and Jesse but their feelings, and it was love.


	65. Chapter 65

Three years passed by smoothly. Jesse and Castiel got things back on track after the incident. Jesse had explained and in return, Castiel had shared a little about his past and the two had become closer for it. Jesse was still with Jack. The three of them were happier than ever. By the time graduation came, the trio shared tight embraces and tears. All because of different pasts but for the same reason, how far they'd come. Jesse stayed in New York with Jack, sharing a small apartment together, working the media industry.

Castiel went back home, promising to visit and call when he could. Which he would. He never wanted to forget those who'd helped him become better. It'd been about four months since moving back from college, and Castiel had gotten a few offers of jobs and moved around a bit in order to them but always came home to Dean. For now, with little work coming his way, he went back to stripping. To make money and do what he loved doing best, dancing.

Dean was happier than ever. He had Cas back and everything was perfect. They'd grown into men, both of them twenty-one, and Dean had recently started bartending at The Sinner's Paradise. There was a job opening and he'd taken night classes for half a year learning mixology and bartending skills, and it was perfect. People already knew him at the club because of Cas, and it was convenient for everybody. Cas and Dean drove to work together, got to see each other during their shifts, and had mutual friends. Dean loved what he was doing, and he was glad he'd made the decision to work there.

Sam was getting ready to go off to college. He was going to Stanford Law School and Dean couldn't be prouder. He was still dating Ruby and their relationship had remained steady and serious all throughout high school, and even though the stress of making college decisions took a toll on them, they were still together and had decided to have a long-distance relationship. It was bittersweet for Dean because he'd never been without his brother, but it was such a good thing that Sam had gotten into Stanford, and he'd earned lots of scholarship money in addition.

Dean and Cas were still living in Castiel's house, but they both knew that now they could probably afford to start looking into buying a house of their own, or at least renting an apartment. They were adults, and it was scary as it was exciting. They were in the beginning of a new phase in their lives, and the future looked bright.

Jimmy still lived with them of course but he'd managed to get a small job working in finance for a local supermarket. He even had a few friends who weren't family which Castiel couldn't be happier about. He'd always been worried Jimmy would have no where to go once they grew up. He and Dean would need their space and Jimmy would get left behind but he seemed to be doing okay which was good. Balthazar had left, gone back to Michael's and his mom came back every few months to see how Jimmy and her boys were doing before going back to France. That's where she belonged, really. Away from the madness that was her family.

Castiel had just finished a shift in Sinner's Paradise. Dean had worked during the afternoon today so it was just Castiel tonight. So he took his motorcycle home, exhausted from the day's work. The three, not so small, kittens came bounding up to him in welcome as he came through the door, leaving their mom to trod along behind tiredly. "Ambs," he murmured sadly, getting to his knees to tickle behind her ear. "I'm sorry, girl. Just a couple more days tops," he promised sadly. Amber was dying. Slow and painfully and there was nothing the vets could do but put her out of her misery. It was taking Castiel some time to raise the money and he hated seeing her suffer like this. "Come on, baby. Let's get you to bed," he murmured, picking her up carefully to which she mewled in discomfort.

Castiel did his best to sooth her, stroking down her sides in the hopes to comfort her. "Shh, it's okay Ambs. Got a nice comfy bed for you to lie in," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her head before carefully placing her on his side of the bed. Her children following in behind and jumped on the bed, curling around and protecting their mother. Castiel smiled but it was empty, just something to stop his eyes from watering as he looked down at them, changing quickly into his nightwear.

Dean woke up from his light sleep when the bed dipped down slightly beside him, and he opened his eyes to find that Amber was no longer in his arms, but was lying down next to Castiel on the edge of the bed with the other cats gathered around her. Cas looked heartbreakingly sad seeing his beloved cat fading away, and Dean sat up and wrapped his arms around Cas as soon as he was changed out of his work clothes. Cas smelled like sweat and cologne, and Dean held him gently as they both looked down at the cats. They'd been alternating shifts for the past few days so Amber wouldn't be alone and one of them would be on hand in case her condition suddenly worsened, and Dean hadn't left her side all evening.

Castiel went over to Dean and laid down so they were spooning. Castiel pressed back against Dean's chest so he could still see his cats. Castiel didn't say anything. Was just grateful for Dean's support and understanding. Amber had been his protector for years before Dean had come along. Almost ten years and Castiel didn't want to see her go. He pressed his hand over Dean's arm, getting the other to hold him tighter as he felt tears well up. He wasn't ready for this. Would never be ready for this. Amber was mewing unhappily, staring back at Castiel with tired eyes. Her children doing the same only with a less acceptant look, more pleading for their owner to help. That torn Castiel apart, a few broken sobs escaping his mouth as his beloved Amber, even near death, reached out to try and comfort him.

Dean bit his lip and held Castiel close, kissing the back of his neck soothingly and trying not to cry as he felt Cas start to tremble with weak sobs. There was nothing he could do to make this better, and he knew it was going to devastate Castiel when Amber passed away in a few days. The poor cat must be in so much pain, but she purred when Dean reached over Cas to gently stroke her face with his fingertips, craving any kind of comfort and love that she could. Dean moved Cas forward a bit and then moved so Amber and the cats were between them, both of them curled protectively around the cats. Dean reached over and took Castiel's hand, putting it under Amber's head so she could rub against it and rest her head against something comforting and familiar.

Castiel whimpered when Dean moved. He needed his warmth. He felt like he was falling apart. His best friend was on the verge of death and there was nothing he could do to make it better. That's when Dean moved his hand and Amber eagerly took in the comfort, pressing her cheek up against his hand to make him pet her. Castiel did so, letting out tiny sobs, drowned out by the distressed noise of Panda. Amber looked so acceptant over what was happening. She was in pain and suffering and yet she seemed calm and more worried over her children than herself. Castiel felt tears trickle down his cheek but he was too tired to care, focusing what energy he had left on Amber.

Dean couldn't stop himself from crying as Cas did, and he just watched with tear-filled eyes as Amber purred and rubbed her head against Castiel's hand. Dean scooted forward a little and buried his face in Amber's fur gently, wishing there was something they could do to take away her pain and the illness that was causing her so much suffering. She seemed at peace with her situation, which somehow made it even harder because it was as if she knew she was dying, and was more concerned with comforting her loved ones during the loss. Dean held onto Castiel's hand and didn't let go. The only sound in the room was Amber purring, accompanied by Castiel's anguished sobs.

Castiel couldn't stop crying. Even as sleep finally took over him tears seemed to fall. He never let go of Dean or Amber though. Knowing they were close was enough for him whilst he slept. His only fear was waking up to find Amber already gone. Out of small miracles, Amber was still there, breathing raggedly, eyes half open. She was almost gone and Castiel couldn't bear it. He had tonight off whilst Dean went to work but Castiel knew today was the day. The way she'd pressed close to Castiel in her sleep, keeping her young close, seeking all the warmth she could. Castiel began to sob again, stroking her as gently as he could whilst she purred half heartedly, in too much pain to do much else. "I'm so sorry Ambs," he whispered. "This isn't how I pictured the end. It isn't fair. I'm supposed to protect you. Just like you always have done with me. I failed you Ambs."

Dean tried his hardest to stay awake to watch over his little family, softly petting Amber whenever she meowed in discomfort. Her kittens stayed close beside her all night, licking her ears and snuggling close to her, taking care of their mother the way she'd taken care of them when they were helpless babies. Dean dozed off several times during the night but he didn't stay asleep for long. Currently, it was early morning. Dean had woken up before dawn, and he was dismayed to see that Amber had worsened. Her breathing was shallow and her head was down, eyes squinted with pain. Her tail swished weakly and she kept making soft little noises of distress, and it broke Dean's heart. Cas was still asleep, his face streaked with tears, and he was curled around Amber. Eventually, Dean had to get up and use the bathroom, and when he came back Cas was awake. Dean's heart lurched at the misery in Castiel's eyes, and he moved to the bed again and wrapped Castiel up in his arms, kissing his face comfortingly. "Cas, I'm sorry," he whispered.

Castiel let out a noise in pain as soon as Dean touched him. Not physical but emotional pain that wracked through his body. "I just wanted to keep you safe," he whimpered, nuzzling at her fur. Her kittens were awake now and Panda was mewing in distress. She knew what was happening. What was going to happen but she didn't know what to do. She kept pacing from her mom to the bottom of the bed, mewing, crying out for help. But Castiel was right there and he couldn't do anything. "I love you, Amber," he whimpered, stifling a trembling sob as silent tears continued to flow. "Always. I'll never forget what you've done for me. I'll look after your young. I'll keep them safe. I'll do my best. I promise."

Dean rubbed Castiel's back and stood beside him assessing the situation. He brought a hand to his mouth to stifle a sob, not wanting to upset the cats anymore by making noise, and tears flowed out of his eyes and blurred his vision. "Cas, it's happening," he said quietly, trying his hardest to keep his voice steady and calm. He sat down on the edge of the bed beside Cas and wrapped an arm firmly around his waist to keep him close and give him something to hold on to. Dean didn't know much about cats but he could definitely tell that Amber didn't have much time left. Her breathing was shallow and starting to get a little irregular, and she was completely sprawled out on her side, too weak to even curl up anymore. Dean pulled the soft fleece blanket up over her as she trembled slightly, and he rested his hand on her side and gently stroked her.

Castiel ignored Dean, didn't want to even acknowledge that he was correct. Castiel helped Amber to get as comfortable as possible with Dean's help and just watched her. Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out. Breath in..then nothing. Castiel let out a breath in shock, unsure whether he'd misheard it. Maybe he'd just acclimatised to her breathing he couldn't hear it anymore. He knew he was in denial but he wasn't ready to accept it yet. Would never be ready. He stayed quiet for a long time, just watching her but nothing. She wasn't moving. Even her young proved that by pawing gently at her lifeless body before letting out distressed wails. Castiel drew in one more breath. In. Then out. Shaky as his exhale was he moved his hand from her fur, covering her up in the blanket, unable to face her anymore.

Dean bit his lip hard as they watched Amber breath, and Dean held his breath and just listened. It happened sooner than they'd thought, and within minutes she'd taken her last breath and she was gone, her body going lax and paws curling in for the last time as life left her and her muscles relaxed. She was gone. Dean stared at the cat for a moment in shock, and then he watched with tear-filled eyes as Cas drew the blanket up over her. As soon as Castiel drew his hand back, Dean wrapped him up in a firm embrace, cupping the back of Castiel's neck and getting him to rest his face against his shoulder so he wouldn't have to see Amber's lifeless form under the blanket.

NOPE.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?!

SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT

Castiel broke down once Dean pulled him away and into his arms. He couldn't stop shaking. He refused to believe she was gone. Ten years she had been there for him. He felt empty without her. He clutched hold of Dean's shirt and sobbed into the collar helplessly, making strangled noises not too far off the ones the kittens were making behind him. They were trying to get under the blanket and see their mom and crying out hurtfully. Castiel did the same, holding onto Dean. "I can't.." he choked, struggling for words. "My Ambs...she can't be...oh God, Dean! She's gone," he wailed.

FUCK

Dean clutched onto Cas tightly and sobbed quietly into his shoulder, rubbing Castiel's back and trying to keep it together. "I know," he choked out, "I know, baby. I know." He kept Castiel's head close to his shoulder and rocked him gently, letting him cling to him and lean on him. "She's not suffering now," he said, because wasn't that what you were supposed to say after a loved one died? It didn't feel right, because if obviously didn't help Castiel's suffering, or the kittens' loss. "Cas, baby, I'm so sorry." One of the kittens, Honey, was suddenly in Dean's lap meowing frantically and Dean removed one arm from around Castiel so she could get to Cas. She immediately began licking his tears away and making little distressed noises and snuggling up to him, and Dean silently thanked her.

Castiel watched as the kitten started licking away his tears and trying to make him feel better but it just made things worse. He was supposed to be keeping them all safe and he failed and Honey was already stepping up to her mother's footsteps, trying to keep him happy. He picked her up, the other two kittens followed as Castiel went downstairs and curled up behind the couch with the three kittens, away from their dead mom.

Dean watched helplessly as Castiel picked up Honey and carried her downstairs, and the other two followed. It was still very early in the morning and Dean didn't think anyone else was awake yet. Ruby and Sam were in Sam's room, and Jimmy was in the other bedroom and all of the doors were closed, so Dean didn't think anyone else had noticed. He was wrong, however. As Dean stood up to carefully wrap Amber in the blanket like a baby and gather her up in his arms, Sam entered the room and then froze, eyes wide. Dean sniffed and wiped his eyes, and Sam just stared at the bundle in his arms. "Is she..." Dean nodded wordlessly and Sam's eyes welled up and he ran his hands through his messy hair. He'd gotten big over the last three years, all sculpted muscle and bulk. "Sam, could you find a box?" Dean asked, his voice startlingly calm given how upset he was right now. Sam nodded and hurried out of the room and thumped down the stairs. He came back a moment later with a cardboard box, and Dean carefully placed Amber inside, wrapped in the blanket, and she looked like she was asleep. Her body was still warm. Dean stroked her cheek one more time before standing up and wiping away his tears. "Is Jimmy awake?" He whispered, and Sam shrugged sadly. "I don't think so," he muttered, still looking down at Amber lying lifeless in the box.

Jimmy was still asleep. He had a routine and a schedule now. He had a job and an alarm clock. Things were going well for him. Castiel on the other hand was breaking down. He was glad he had the day off. No way he was going to be able to act sexy for strangers tonight but it also meant Dean had to leave and he didn't want him to. He wanted him to stay and help him look after the babies who were currently still mewing unhappily in his arms. "Shh, it'll be okay," he crooned through tears. "I've got you. I'll look after you."

"Sam... could you stay here in case Jimmy comes in? I don't know how he'll react. I'm gonna go to Cas." Dean's voice was still shaky but under control, and he was forcing himself to stay strong and be something for Cas to lean on. Sam nodded tearfully and sat down on the floor beside the box, gazing sadly at Amber. Dean sighed shakily and then wandered downstairs in search of Cas. He couldn't find him anywhere, but he heard sobs coming from the living room, and he followed the sound to find Cas curled up on the floor behind the couch with all three of Amber's children. "Cas," He said brokenly, not knowing what else to say.

"And there's daddy," Castiel murmured quietly, sniffing slightly as Dean came in the room. "We're both here for you. We made a promise to keep you safe. Just like your mommy did for me." Castiel was still crying but he felt a little more determined. To have something to focus on. "We love you guys and...you love us, right? You're happy here?" The kittens mewed continuously, nuzzling at Castiel. "Yeah. We'll all be happy and live happily together."

Dean's throat tightened up again and he crawled into the small dark space behind the couch and pulled the nearest cat into his lap. It was Panda, and she meowed and curled into him, nudging her face against his chest and burrowing in under his arm against his side. "Hi, babies," he whispered sadly, kissing Panda on the nose and rubbing Piper's ears.

Castiel whimpered a little, drawing close to Dean to unite them as a family. Castiel took Honey's hand and waved at Dean. "Hi, daddy," he said, smiling just a little. Castiel kissed her forehead and sighed. He rested his forehead back against Dean's chest, still trembling slightly. "You're gonna have to bury her. I can't...I can't go back up there," Castiel said quietly, cuddling both Piper and Honey.

Dean leaned in close and curled into the cats and Cas, and he stroked Honey's paw and smiled sadly. "Yeah, I'll take care of it, Cas. Don't worry about it." He kissed Castiel's temple and rubbed his back comfortingly, keeping him close to his chest. "Are you sure you don't want to say goodbye to her first? You don't have to, I just want you to have the chance."

"I already did," Castiel said quietly. "I...I don't want to go through that again." He clutched hold of Dean and sighed tiredly. "I love you all so much..I..I'm just not very good at letting go. It's probably best if you just bury her without me. When I'm not around so I don't know when you did it. I don't want to know. Okay."

Dean nodded in understanding. "I'll handle it, Cas." He promised gently, thinking of places to bury Amber. "Is there a particular spot you want to be her final resting place?" Dean ran his hands soothingly over Castiel's hair and neck and shoulders, wishing he could just wipe away the tears with his touch, but they kept coming from Castiel's eyes. Dean hated seeing him this unhappy, but he knew Cas was mourning and he wanted to respect that.

Castiel shook his head. "I don't know," he whispered shaking his head. "Just somewhere where she won't be disturbed." Castiel thought about burying her up by the cabin instead of the house seeing as they'd be moving soon but he figured it'd be a bit pointless really. She was gone. As long as she was treated with respect and buried properly it didn't really matter too much.

Dean sighed sadly and kissed Castiel's temple, holding him close for another moment before letting go and looking into Castiel's eyes. "I promise she won't be disturbed," he murmured, cupping Castiel's face gently and then leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to his husband's forehead. "She was a beautiful, smart cat and a very good friend. She loved you so much, Cas." Dean knew that Amber died in peace. Castiel's gentle touch was her last sensation before she passed.

Castiel sniffed, wiping his eyes. "I don't want you to go to work today," he murmured pitifully. "Or at least let me come with you and hang out behind the bar," he pleaded. "I just really don't want to be alone today." He snuggled back against Dean's chest and held onto Honey, stroking Piper absently. He felt empty inside and he wasn't really sure what to do with himself. He wanted to cut but didn't even have the energy to get up and do so. He felt drained and tired.

"I don't want you to be alone either," Dean murmured sadly, trying to think of what to do. "I can't take off work, I'm the only bartender tonight. Evelyn's on vacation and Amanda's sick. I have to be there but I want you to come with me." Dean refused to say it out loud, but he was seriously afraid this would trigger something dark inside Cas and make him want to hurt himself again, and at least if he went to work with Dean he'd be able to keep an eye on him and make sure he was alright. "It might help you to have a few drinks and see your friends," Dean said in a gentle tone.

Castiel nodded and kissed Dean's cheek but it was more of a press of skin than a kiss. "I can help serve drinks," he offered. "I can serve beer and stuff. You can do the fancy stuff." He wasn't sure if you were allowed to do that but he just wanted to keep his mind occupied. He didn't want to cut. He didn't want to fall off that edge again because if he did it would feel ten times worse not having Amber there to comfort him after the fall.

Dean bit his lip and rubbed Castiel's arms. "Maybe. We'll see, I'll have to talk to Ellen about it and see what she says. I just want to make sure you're safe, Cas." A moment later, the familiar sound of Jimmy's alarm clock pierced the silence and Dean met Castiel's eyes anxiously. "Jimmy's awake," he whispered.

Castiel nodded in understanding and leaned against Dean further, playing with his hand. "I'll tell him," he said with a sigh. But Castiel didn't need to tell Jimmy. He'd seen the box with Sam outside his room and he'd swallowed thickly, knelling close to the box and observing Amber's lifeless form. He bit his lip and started swaying a little nervously. Castiel had told him Amber wasn't well but seeing the truth for himself startled him a little. "I..I have to go to work," he said to Sam, tugging at his hair.

Sam watched nervously as Jimmy came out of his room and saw Amber in the cardboard box, and his face went pale and he started swaying. Sam didn't know what to say, and Jimmy looked like he was getting more anxious. "Jimmy... I'm so sorry. It happened this morning. Do you want to say goodbye to her?" He asked gently.

"I-I have to go to work," he repeated, sitting by the box for a moment. Silently saying goodbye without actually saying it and headed off to shower. He couldn't mess up his routine. It wouldn't help. He'd take a moment out to pray for her when he came home but right now he had to work and keep his mind focussed on dealing with the hard issues of everyday tasks.

Sam knew better than to try and disrupt Jimmy's routine, so he just nodded and backed off to let Jimmy do his own thing. While Jimmy went to the shower, Sam got dressed and headed downstairs, leaving the box with Amber inside Dean and Cas' room. "Guys?" He asked, looking around, and he quickly found them behind the couch. "Jimmy's going to work," he announced uncertainly. "Is there anything I can do?"

Castiel looked up a little when Sam came in and he nodded slightly, reaching out for grabby hands for Sam. "Come here," he murmured quietly, hugging Sam close when he finally did come towards them. "I'm gonna go work with Dean tonight," he sad quietly. "So I want you to look after the babies okay? Be with Ruby, play videogames..whatever you've got planned. Just make sure they're close by okay? I don't want them feeling alone."

Dean moved over a little so Cas could hug Sam. Cas was enveloped in Sam's big arms and he hugged Cas tight before letting go and looked at him, nodding in understanding. "I'm not going anywhere," he promised, "And Ruby's gonna stay home tonight too, we'll order pizza and watch over the cats while you guys are gone." Dean gave Sam a tired, grateful smile.

"Thank you," Castiel said with a tight smile, nuzzling at Honey when she once again started mewing. Piper had fallen asleep, tired and worn out. Just like how Castiel felt. "I'm gonna sleep for a bit," he said, making to move so he could take a nap on the couch. There was no way he was going up to their bedroom. Not after what had just happened.

Dean stood up and pulled a blanket up over Castiel once he was settled on the couch, and he leaned down to kiss his forehead and stroke his hair gently, looking down at him sadly. Dean was exhausted too, but he had things to do and knew he couldn't fall asleep. He picked up all three cats and placed them on the couch with Castiel, not wanting them to fall asleep on the floor and wake up all alone.

Castiel hummed a little when Dean petted his hair. He wanted to protest Dean not joining him but he knew what he was going to do and didn't want to think about it. So instead he concentrated on the sleepy kittens in his arms as he eventually fell back into sleep after the worst start to the day imaginable.

Dean waited until Cas had fallen asleep before sneaking out of the house with Amber and a shovel. He placed the box in the front passenger seat of the Impala and covered it with a towel, and he put the shovel in the back. He drove to the local nursery and bought a young cherry tree sapling and a rosebush seedling, and then he drove to the cabin. Once there, Dean got out of the car and took the shovel down to the lake, where there was a small clearing in the woods that was almost circular. In the early morning like this, it was beautiful. The sun was filtering in through the leaves and a light fog was fading away in the warmth of the sun, promising a hot and dry day. The view of the lake was beautiful from the spot where Dean was standing, and there was enough sun for a small tree to grow without being blocked by the taller trees. This was the spot. Dean plunged his shovel into the ground and started digging.

Castiel didn't sleep well but he'd managed to get a few more hours rest. Jimmy had already gone and Sam was either back in bed or helping Dean, he wasn't sure. He wasn't sure he wanted to know the details. All that mattered was his best friend was gone but her memory would live on through her children. He kissed each one before carefully shifting out from under them to go to the bathroom. When he opened the bathroom door after peeing, they were sat there waiting for him. Castiel felt like crying again. "I'm right here. It's okay," he assured them, leading them back downstairs so he could give them some water and food.

Once Dean was finished burying Amber and planting the rosebush and cherry tree, he stood at the grave for a moment, drenched in sweat and covered in dirt. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out in a long exhale. He stayed silent for a minute in respect, and then he bowed his head. "Goodbye, Amber. Thank you for taking care of Cas all these years, he really loves you a lot. We're gonna miss you so much. Rest in peace, Ambs." Dean waited another moment before stepping back and getting back in the car to head home.

Castiel fed and watered the kittens, watching them sleep before deciding to put on a movie and curl back up on the couch with them. Something to distract his mind. He put on West Side Story. The movie he always put on when he was feeling low. For most of it he didn't sing but he started to feel like he could talk and be a little happier for it. He told the kittens about the time he and Dean were in a play version of this. Just something to keep his mind occupied. He wasn't sure where Sam was but he was really worried, with no one in the house he might fold into temptation.

Sam came out of the shower just as Dean arrived home. Dean ran up the stairs before Cas could see that he was covered in dirt, and Sam used the opportunity to go downstairs and distract Cas. He sat down next to him on the couch and hugged a pillow, watching the TV absently. "Want some breakfast? I'm just having toast, but if there's anything you want...?"

Castiel shook his head, biting his lip. "No, I'm good," he said, leaning to the side and against Sam a little. Panda moving to sit in Sam's lap. "You remember this?" Castiel asked absently. "How amazing Dean was as Tony. It was such a good show. Definitely a lot more fun than the intense routines they made us go through with at college." He didn't know why he was rambling. He just needed something to talk about. He didn't want uncomfortable silence. He just wanted things to go on like normal.

Sam watched Cas carefully and then placed an arm over his shoulders, Panda curled up on his lap and Sam stroked her back absently and watched the TV, sighing a little as he remembered the high school years. He was done with that now and getting ready to go to Stanford, and it gave him a sense of nostalgia watching West Side Story. "Yeah, you were both really good," Sam murmured in agreement. "It looked like you were having so much fun, too. It was a great show."

Castiel hummed, closing his eyes and rested lightly against Sam's shoulder. "Ruby was good too," he murmured with a soft smile. "She has an amazing voice." Honey curled up, mewing tiredly in Castiel's lap until he stroked behind her ear to calm her down. "Everyone was so amazing. I can't wait to be involved in stuff like that again," he sighed.

Sam nodded in agreement and rubbed Castiel's arm comfortingly as he leaned against Sam's shoulder. "Yeah, she was great." He said, watching the TV in silence for a few minutes. "So, got any job offers yet? Auditions?" He asked. "You're going to be amazing. All that hard work will have paid off, dude."

Castiel smiled softly and nodded. "Yeah, but don't tell Dean," he said with a soft smiled. "I've got an offer with a theatre company in New York, actually. It could be a six month gig if I get it," he said quietly. "I'm so excited, Sam. Six months of dancing in a real theatre. In New York! This is big. This could help me make something of myself, y'know." Plus it was a great opportunity to see Jesse and Jack again when he went up to do his audition next month.

Sam turned to Cas and smiled with wide eyes, patting his shoulder. "Cas, that's awesome!" He exclaimed enthusiastically, "I'm so proud of you. Dean's gonna be so excited when he finds out!" It would be a great opportunity for Cas to get his name in the industry and start getting attention for his dancing, because if he got into it this would open up many more opportunities for him. "I'm sure you'll get in. When's the audition?"

"Next month," Castiel blushed. He still got a little embarrassed talking about these things with his family. His old one were so negative it felt strange to have a family who encouraged him and wanted him to do good things. "So I've got some time. I just..I've been waiting for the right moment to tell Dean so just..don't say anything just yet, okay?"

Sam grinned at Castiel's blush and squeezed his arm reassuringly. He was glad that Cas was thinking about something pleasant and exciting rather than the sad event of the morning, it was good to have a distraction. "Yeah, your secret's safe with me," Sam said with a proud smile. "This is a big deal, Cas. I'm really proud of you."

"Thanks, Sam," he whispered, hugging Sam briefly before going to the kitchen to get some lunch for them all. He thought he might as well, to keep his hands busy. He wasn't sure whether Dean was back yet or not seeing as he'd been asleep but he figured he'd make him lunch too just in case. He made the three of them pasta, just to keep things simple. And he took pride in the fact he didn't try to burn his hand on the stove despite the temptation.

Sam watched Cas go into the kitchen, and then he turned his gaze back to the TV and watched the dramatic ending of the play. A few minutes after it was over, Dean came back downstairs, showered and clean, and gave Sam a concerned look. Sam nodded towards the kitchen, and Dean visibly relaxed, going into the kitchen to find Cas standing near the stove. The scent of cooking pasta filled the air and Dean came up beside Cas and looked into the pot. "I'd like mine al dente," Dean teased gently, rubbing a hand over Castiel's back in gentle circles and kissing his cheek softly. "How are you doing?"

Castiel jumped a little when Dean came up behind him but he soon relaxed into the touch. "Better," he said quietly. "I just needed some more sleep." He stirred the pasta and mixed the cheese into the mixture before serving three plates. "The kids are still distressed though. Might take them longer to understand their mom's not coming back," Castiel said emptily, taking two plates out to the table, leaving Dean to bring through the other one.

Dean nodded sadly and picked up the other dish to carry to the table, and once he set it down he pulled out Castiel's chair. "Sit," he instructed, "I'll get drinks. Sam, pasta's ready!" He called into the living room, and Sam came in a moment later looking slightly uncertain. Once they were both sitting, Dean got out some coke and poured three glasses of it and set them on the table, and only then did he sit down to join them.

Castiel wanted to protest but Dean was helping him. Wanted to help him and he felt his argument would not be worth the cause so he sat down upon instruction and sighed as the smell of freshly cooked food hit his nostrils. This is what he needed. Just some rest. Some food and hopefully with time the pain would just go away. He heard the kitten's mewing unhappily when Sam left them too on the couch. They were soon in the dining room, pawing around Castiel's feet. He sighed, picking up Honey and Piper and let them rest in his lap while he ate. Panda took to a nearby chair, just happy to be close to her owners.

Dean took pity on the unhappy cats and got up to open a new can of food for them, and he distributed the food evenly into three small dishes for them before placing them on the floor beside Castiel's chair in case they wanted to eat. Dean didn't know what to say to start a conversation, and Sam apparently was at a loss for words as well. Dean looked around at both of them and then took a sip of his drink. "So, uh... is Ruby still coming over tonight?" He asked awkwardly, looking at Sam.

Castiel watched as Honey and Piper hopped from his lap carefully, smelling the food on the floor before beginning to eat cautiously. Castiel sighed. He hated this. Hated how tense he made situations. "Guys, I'm okay," he insisted, despite the fact he knew no one would believe that. Not even himself. "It's okay to talk. I'm not going to burst into tears if you do."

Sam shrugged and then they both eyed Cas carefully as he spoke up suddenly. Dean exchanged a subtle look with Sam, and then he sighed. "Sorry," Dean said quietly, giving Cas an apologetic look. "It's tough. We just want to respect you and not make you uncomfortable." Sam nodded and leaned forward a little bit, looking at Castiel earnestly. "Let us take care of you, Cas."

"I don't _need _to be taken care of," Castiel said, voice wavering, feeling a little hysterical. "I just...I need things to go back to normal." He stayed quiet, staring at what food remained on his plate before standing up, deciding. 'I'm gonna go get ready for work," he mumbled, walking away, going up the stairs and closed the bedroom door behind him with a sigh. He knew he shouldn't take it out on them but he didn't know what else to do. Without cutting, he really had no way to outlet his emotions. He felt lost, unsure how to act.

Sam and Dean watched uncertainly as Castiel stood and walked upstairs. Neither of them said anything for a moment, and then they looked at each other helplessly. Dean sighed and sat back in his chair, looking at the remainders of his pasta which was starting to get cold. He wasn't hungry, and by the looks of it neither was Sam, so Dean stood up and took all three dishes to the sink. "You think he's gonna be okay?" Sam asked in a low voice, coming over and standing close to Dean, and Dean shrugged. "I hope so," he muttered, "He was really close to Amber, she was there with him through a lot of tough times."

Castiel spent a long time, looking through his clothes, ignoring the spot on the bed where Amber had died earlier that morning. He got his tightest pair of leather pants and shimmed into them before going up to the mirror and applying eyeliner, making his eyes pop. He put on a v-neck grey top, letting his latest tattoo show through. About a year ago he'd gotten a small silhouette of a raven tattooed on the right side of his chest. He came back downstairs about an hour later, looking hot as hell. He was determined to feel good about himself tonight. He didn't want to let the darkness drag him down.

Sam and Dean spent the next hour cleaning up the kitchen so Cas wouldn't have to, and they also organized the living room and dining room downstairs. When Cas came down, Dean's jaw dropped and he looked Cas up and down in shock while Sam went, "Whoa!" Dean went over to Cas and looked at him in amazement. "Damn, you look amazing, baby. What's the occasion?"

"I told you," Castiel said with a fake smile that almost took for a convincing one. "I'm going to work with you." He ran his hands over Dean's shoulder's absently, biting his lip. "I wanna feel sexy. So I'm gonna stand behind the bar with you and feel pretty because if I don't I'm gonna fall down a hole so deep I'm afraid I might not come back up." He smiled a little at Dean and patted his shoulder thrice. "Now get ready. I want to get there before your shift starts so I can talk to Ellen."

Dean smiled sadly and ran his hands through Castiel's hair gently, making it go down a little over one side of his forehead, almost over his left eye. "Okay," he said in a quiet voice, "I won't let you fall into any holes, okay? And if you do I'll pull you out." Dean smiled a little and kissed Castiel's lips gently. "Let me go get dressed, I'll be down in a minute." Dean ran up the stairs and changed into his work clothes, which consisted of nice dark jeans, black converse, and a black button-up top with the sleeves rolled up. He came back down a moment later and then patted Sam on the back. "Okay, we're gonna go. Stay with the cats, okay Sammy?"

Castiel kissed Dean back, keeping up his smile until his husband left. He deflated a little, going over to Sam and hugged him tight. "Take care of my babies, Sammy. I'm trusting you with 'em." When Dean came back down, Castiel went to Dean's side, running a hand up and down his back. "Ready to go?" he asked with a soft smile, looking over at Sam with a knowing look.

Sam held Castiel's gaze steadily and then nodded, smiling reassuringly. Castiel's request felt oddly serious and very important, and Sam knew he'd make sure the cats were alright. Ruby would come over soon, and she loved the cats and Sam knew they'd have no problems. Once Dean came back downstairs, the two of them left and Sam sat down on the couch to watch TV and wait for Ruby. All three cats soon came into the room with him and joined him on the couch.

Castiel went to work with Dean, pressing small touches to Dean's body wherever and whenever he could. He just wanted to be close to Dean, keep that reassurance that they were both still alive and everything was okay. When they got to the club, he greeted Benny with his usual hug and smile before going inside, promising to be out later to smoke with him. He went to Ellen and asked if he could work behind the bar, free of charge. He knew he had her hooked at the word 'free' and she allowed him to serve beer and wine, leaving mixed drinks to Dean who was actually qualified to make drinks.

The regular crowd at the club seemed surprised to see Raven working behind the bar, but Dean didn't give them an explanation and simply acted like nothing was out of the ordinary. The bar quickly got busy, as Friday nights always were, and Dean had worked up a sweat within the first hour but he'd also gotten a lot of tips and seven phone numbers from single girls out with their friends. Dean humored them by putting the numbers in his pocket, but his job was just to mix and serve drinks, keep the bar clean, and keep the customers happy. Happy drunks meant more money, and Dean was pretty good at putting people in a good mood. Finally, there was a lull in activity at the bar while a lot of people went to the dance floor, and Dean sighed tiredly and tossed his bar towel over his shoulder as he wandered over to Cas. "You want a drink?" He offered. "You don't have to stay here, you know. Go dance, have fun, baby. Anything to put a smile on your face."

Things got busy pretty quickly and Dean was working all on his own but Castiel helped out when he could, taking people their drinks to their tables. Getting tipped for doing so. He probably shouldn't be excepting tips but he doubted the clients would be too pleased to hear he didn't want their money. So he took it with a smile and a wink, waiting tables and help out where he could without being in the way. Eventually, he came back to the bar and leaned against the counter, smiling slightly at Dean. "Mm, I'd rather dance here with you," Castiel purred, stroking down the bars surface, tempted to stand on top of it and start dancing. "You seem a little lonely."

Dean smiled softly and rested against the counter on his elbows, leaning forward and gazing at Castiel. "So do you," he countered, staring at Cas for a moment longer before pushing himself back from the bar and getting down a few shot glasses. He poured whiskey in two of them and pushed them over to Cas. "Here, you look like you could use it," he offered, "It's on the house. I can't drink on the job, so you might as well do it for me, babe. Plus, I'm driving you home."

Castiel raised his eyebrow, smirking at Dean. "You trying to get me drunk?" He took both shots, one after the other with ease. Dean was right. He certainly needed that. "Hey sweetheart, why don't you let me buy you a real drink," a man spoke up, squeezing Castiel's ass. Castiel's eyes widened grabbing the wrist of the man, pushing his hand away. "We're not that kind of club, sir," Castiel said before looking up to meet eye to eye with.."Gabriel?" he gawped, dropping his brother's hand immediately. "What the hell are you doing here?" Gabriel looked just as shocked, he hadn't even recognised his own brother. "I could ask you the same question," he quipped, crossing his arms over his chest.

Dean grinned, so caught up in Castiel's gaze that he didn't even notice the guy approaching, but as soon as the man sidled up suggestively and put his hand on Castiel's ass, Dean leaned over the counter and glared at him. "Back off, buddy." There was something oddly familiar about the guy, but Dean couldn't quite place it until Cas recognized him as Gabriel. Dean frowned and squinted at the man, and yeah, it was definitely Gabriel. "What the fuck?" He muttered in disbelief, staring at both of them.

"I work here," Castiel said defensively, crossing his arms over his chest, mimicking the other. "Aren't you supposed to be touring?" Castiel asked in confusion. Gabriel straightened, feeling like he was going to throw up having just groped his brother. His little brother who was now a stripper at that. "Tours over. Just came back for a few weeks before the next one starts," Gabriel explained awkwardly. "Right. So you thought you'd just come back. Drink a few beers, touch up a few guys..because, you know. That's always been your thing," Castiel said dryly, utterly bewildered by Gabriel's sudden change in sexuality after he'd spent years beating him up for the same thing. "Hey. I did what I had to to survive. Lucifer almost killed you just for being gay. What do you think he would have done if he found out I was banging guys in dad's car." Castiel clenched his jaw, seconds away from wanting to punch the living daylights out of Gabriel. "Survive? This isn't the army, Gabe. We were _kids. _Do you know how messed up I am because of you? Because of what you did?" Castiel gave Dean a subtle look. He couldn't take this. He was going to go outside with Benny and smoke, somewhere he could be safe. "Oh and we might just find out what Lucifer will do to you," Castiel said with a sour smirk. "Because he's out of jail. He raped and tried to kill me. Let's see what fun he has with you." Castiel pushed past his brother, nudging him hard in the shoulder. The look of pure shock and fear on Gabriel's face was missed by Castiel as he was already heading out the door. Gabriel just scurried back to his army buddies, looking paler than he had when he first came over.

Dean just watched in utter shock, unable to process what he was hearing. Gabriel was gay? He liked men? That was completely unexpected, but now all the bullying made sense Gabriel was afraid that if he stood up for Cas when they were children, then his sexuality would be revealed and he'd be beat up too. Cas left, looking incredibly angry and shaken, and Gabriel was left standing at the bar. He fled back to his group of douche bag army boys, who were talking loudly and saying rude things to any nearby girl who caught their attention. "Gabriel!" Dean barked, and when Gabriel met his eyes, Dean leaned over the counter and stared at him threateningly. "We're gonna have a little talk when my shift ends. I think we all have some catching up to do."

Gabriel hadn't even noticed who was serving behind the bar. He tried to play it cool though, giving him a thumbs up as he was around his friends he didn't want to look weak or pathetic. He joined back into their laughter easily, ignoring the piercing gaze Dean was giving him.

Castiel slammed the door when he got outside, making Benny jump almost out of his skin. "That fucking arrogant, lying...coward!" Castiel barked at the night sky, taking a cigarette out of his pocket, trying to get the lighter to light up with no success. "Fuck, I mean who does he think he is?" The flame finally ignited and Castiel took a moment to light up, let out a long exhale of smoke after taking a drag before continuing. "My own survival. After everything I've been through that asshole thinks its okay to come here and tell me _he's _got things tough?"

Dean rolled his eyes angrily and then quickly pasted on a polite smile for three young women who'd just wandered over to the bar and were grinning shyly at him. He took their orders and quickly served up the drinks, and he kept an eye on Gabriel and his idiotic group of friends.

Benny flinched in surprise when the door slammed loudly without warning, and he turned around and saw Castiel storming out of the club. He quickly checked the IDs of a young couple approaching the door, and then let them in before focusing on Cas. "Whoa! cool down, Hot Wings. What's going on?"

Castiel took a few more drag of his cigarette, exhaling shakily. "My brother's in there," he explained, taking another drag trying to calm down. "My whole life..he's beaten, taunted, humiliated me for being gay. He even set Dean's car on fire when we were back in high school. And now the prick comes back from the army and says he's gay! After all this time. He was just bullying me because he was too scared to stand out from the crowd."

Benny frowned and put a hand on Castiel's shoulder, guiding him to sit down on the waist-high ledge beside the entrance to the club. Benny stayed standing next to him, arms crossed over his chest and standing tall, the professional security guard stance he was used to maintaining. "This ain't the first time I've heard a story like that, son," Benny said sadly. He assumed that Gabriel was with that group of crew-cut young men with wild eyes and dazed smiles that had been talking loudly and sticking close together the moment they approached the entrance to the club. "Is he botherin' you? I can drag his ass out of there, just say the word."

Castiel shook his head. "I don't want to make things worse," he sighed, relaxing a little being at Benny's side. "I'm just glad I'm not actually working today, y'know?" He took another drag on his cigarette before stubbing it out on the wall. "Sorry, Benny. Didn't mean to startle you like that. This is probably the last thing you need on a Friday night, huh."

Benny shook his head and patted Castiel's shoulder reassuringly. "Kid, it's alright. If he causes any trouble he'll be out of here in a minute, you won't be involved and it'll be nobody's fault but his own." Benny looked at Cas thoughtfully for a moment before continuing, "So, he was in the army, huh? Never trusted those army boys, they all come back from overseas with something messed up in their brain, you know? Hit the town when they get back and cause trouble. It's sad."

Castiel sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Trust me, he was fucked up way before the army got to him," he said with an empty laugh. "I'm just glad he's going back in a few weeks. I'm not exactly open to welcoming him back into my life." Castiel got off the wall and hugged Benny tight. "Thanks," he said softly. "I'll see you later, okay." He went back inside, looking for Dean and sat on one of the stools. "Give me another two shots would ya?" he asked, putting some money down to pay for the drinks this time.

Benny hugged Castiel back warmly an patted his shoulder. "Try not to let him get to you, kid," he said, smiling reassuringly at Cas as he went back inside. Dean quickly went over to Castiel's spot at the bar and poured him two more shots. "Seriously, keep the money," Dean insisted. "Are you alright? I've been watching him and I don't think he'll bother you but if he does I'm gonna punch his lights out."

Castiel smiled at Dean, pocketing his money again and downed the two shots, grimacing at the taste. "Get in line," Castiel mumbled. "I should have beaten him up with Balthazar when I had the chance." He reached over the bar to squeeze Dean's hand quickly and sighed. "So much for an escape from the depressing, huh?"

"Gabriel can go fuck himself," Dean said with a proud grin. "Because you know what? We're happy and he's not going to mess with us. Look at what we have: we're married and we've both got steady jobs, we have a family. He doesn't."

Castiel smiled happily. "You're right." His Dean always knew what to say. "We have a cute little family. And..hopefully, soon enough, a few extra additions," he said, knowing how Dean felt about kids. He leaned over the counter and kissed Dean briefly, feeling better and calmer in his better half's presence.

Dean smiled in relief against Castiel's lips and cupped his face gently, earning a few squealing catcalls from some drunk girls who'd been checking them out all evening. Dean ignored them and just smiled at Cas as they pulled apart. "He really has shitty timing, but he's not worth our time or energy."

Castiel nodded in agreement and leaned against the bar, watching Dean work as a few girls came over for more drinks. "Oh my God! That was so hot!" the first girl gushed. "Are you guys like together?" the second asked, looking between Castiel and Dean. Castiel just chuckled, looking at Dean. "We're married," Castiel beamed, holding up his left hand in proof. The girls awwed making Castiel laugh more.

Dean grinned proudly at the two girls as he served their drinks. "Yeah, he's a dancer here. He's really good, you should come by and watch him perform sometime," Dean winked at Cas, hoping he'd just scored him two new fans and more tip money. The blonde was looking at Cas thoughtfully, as if trying to place him. "I've seen you dance before!" She suddenly exclaimed, "I came here a while ago for my cousin's birthday,"

Castiel chuckled, smiling over at Dean. He was surprised to hear someone had seen his work before and actually remembered him. "Well, the name's Raven, sweetheart," Castiel drawled in a sweet smooth tone. "And if you and your friends are ever looking for a little extra somethin' I'd be happy to show you the back rooms for a private dance." Living with Jesse for three years had made his smooth talk a lot easier. Got him more tips too. "Won't your husband get jealous?" the girl asked, still smiling. Castiel chuckled, looking over at Dean before looking back at the girl. "Sugar, that's just part of the thrill."

Dean laughed and slapped Castiel's arm playfully before messing up his hair. "Cut it out, smartass," he teased as he poured a couple shots for a man at the bar next to Cas. "Jealousy's not really a thing in our relationship," he said to the girls in a smooth tone with an easy grin, "I know he won't leave me. He loves me too much. Even though this bad boy could literally have anyone he wanted, ain't that right, Raven?"

"It's true," Castiel sighed, pouting at Dean. "But it doesn't mean I can't have a little fun with you ladies, now does it?" The girls giggled and picked up their drinks. "You should keep an eye on this one before I take him off your hands," one of the girls teased to Dean, taking a sip of her cocktail. Castiel just grinned, looking at Dean and wiggled his eyebrows.

Dean rolled his eyes and grabbed Castiel's hand. "Like I haven't heard that one before," he teased back to the girl. "He's mine, that's not changing anytime soon."

Castiel pouted, sighing at the girls. "Sorry ladies, some men spoil all the fun." The girls just pouted, mocking sadness before walking away to join back with their girlfriends at their table. Castiel let his persona deflate and smiled softly at Dean. "I love you," he murmured happily, stroking his thumb over Dean's hand.

"I love you too." Dean returned Castiel's smile and squeezed his hand before moving away to serve some customers. He glanced around the club an spotted Gabriel sitting with his group of army buddies. Gabriel almost didn't look like the same person. His formerly long hair was cropped short and he was no longer chubby and plain, he had lost weight and gained muscle and he looked much older.

Castiel smiled, returning to waiting tables when Dean had to serve other people. He met the girls again, serving them another round of cocktails and got a twenty dollar bill and a phone number slipped into the waistband of his pants. Castiel avoided Gabriel's table at all costs, not wanting to be associated with the man in anyway. He went back to the bar, putting his tips in the jar Dean and Castiel shared behind the bar. It saddened him to think it wouldn't be used for Amber now. He wanted her to go in peace but fate had decided differently.

Dean continued mixing drinks for Cas to take to tables, and the rest of Dean's shift went by uneventfully. It was almost time to close down and Gabriel still hadn't left, while a few of his army buddies left with girls. It was late and the club was clearing out, and the girls were wiping down the poles and clearing up the stage, collecting money that had been tossed at them and dividing it up amongst themselves.

Castiel sighed tiredly as things settled down. Castiel leaned against the bar, waiting for Dean to clean up before they could leave. Customers were leaving in groups but Gabriel remained with one other army buddy. He watched curiously as the two talked. He couldn't hear what they were saying but they were smiling and not that bitter smirk thing Gabriel usually did. He actually looked happy. Gabriel looked around, unable to see any of his army buddies, he timidly leaned forward to kiss his friend. Shortly after that they both left, moving back into the role of obnoxious army guys on a drunken night out. Castiel sighed, unsure what to make of it. That wasn't really a side he'd ever seen of his brother. It didn't make sense to him. But Castiel was too tired and fed up to take much interest. Gabriel would be gone soon. There wasn't any point in make a thing of things. "Take me home," Castiel murmured to Dean, reaching out for his hand.

Dean finished up cleaning the bar and putting things away, and he walked around to stand in front of the counter beside Cas. He pulled him close with both arms around his waist and kissed his temple gently. He'd noticed the way Gabriel was acting with that one guy he'd stayed with, and he didn't know what to think of the kiss. He didn't want to deal with it at the moment, so he just murmured softly into Castiel's hair, "Lets go home."

Castiel sighed, leaning into Dean's touch. He took Dean's hand from around his waist and led him outside. He said goodnight to Benny and went to Dean's car, smiling happily at his husband all the way home. When they were parked in the driveway, Castiel leaned over and kissed Dean deeply, holding him close. "Thank you," he said sincerely, looking deep into Dean's eyes. "You're an amazing husband, Dean. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Dean drove home with one hand on the wheel and the other entwined with Castiel's. When they got home, they kissed in the car and Dean melted into it, feeling light and sleepy. Cas tasted like whiskey and smoke, and Dean sighed deeply, smiling lazily at Cas. "Getting out of the house felt good, didn't it," he murmured.

"Yes, my love," he answered sweetly, kissing Dean's hand and sighed happily, getting out of the car and into the house. Castiel went straight into the living room but found no one there. He was glad no one had stayed up for them, treating today like any other day. It was early hours in the morning and Castiel was already feeling tipsy and content. He decided to go straight up to bed. He'd deal with his make-up in the morning. He just wanted to sleep with his arms around his husband. When he reached the bedroom, he turned back around immediately, deciding to sleep on the couch tonight. They'd wash the sheets in the morning.

Dean followed Cas upstairs and was slightly startled when Cas turned around suddenly, but he understood and let Cas pass by him. Dean waited until he'd gone downstairs before opening the bedroom door and getting a pillow from the bed. He took an extra blanket from the closet and went back downstairs to find Cas in the living room. "Get some rest, babe. I'll stay with you." Dean said as he laid the pillow down on the couch.

Castiel laid out on the couch and let Dean place a pillow underneath his head. He stripped out of his leather pants, sighing a little at the freedom his legs now had. He dumped his pants on the floor next to the couch and held his hand out for Dean getting him to come lie down with him. "Tired," he mumbled, shaking out of his t-shirt and threw that on the floor too, wanting to get comfortable.

Dean smiled sadly down at Cas and stripped out of his own clothes. He settled down on the couch alongside Cas, their bodies pressed close in the narrow space. Dean moved around so Cas was on the outside and they were spooning, Dean's arms wrapped securely around Castiel's chest. He kissed the back of Castiel's neck. "I love you," he sighed.

Castiel hummed, leaning into Dean's touch. "Love you, too," he murmured just as he fell asleep. It wasn't until late afternoon he awoke. Dean was gone and Jimmy was sat in front of him, watching Panda poke at Castiel's nose. "Argh," Castiel grumbled, swatting Panda's paw away and sat up, blinking away the sleep in his eyes. "Jimmy, shouldn't you be working?" Castiel asked in confusion. "It's 4:08pm, Castiel," Jimmy answered swiftly. "I finish 3:45pm on Saturdays and alternative Thursdays."

Dean woke up before Cas and decided to go to the grocery store and stock up on food because they were running low and he'd just gotten paid. He made sure to buy all of Castiel's and Jimmy's favorites. He also picked up some drinks from the bar using his employee discount. When he got home, it was late afternoon and Cas looked like he'd just woken up. "Hey, guys," he said, "Wanna help bring in the stuff I bought?"

"Mm okay," Castiel murmured, rubbing at his eyes, now smudged with eyeliner. His hair stuck up in all directions and he was just in his boxers but he didn't really care. He pulled on his t-shirt and pants from yesterday and went out to the car to help Dean bring in the groceries. Jimmy put things away, liking them in a particular order. Once everything was inside, Castiel greet Dean with a soft hug before going upstairs to take a shower and get the make-up off his face.

Dean laughed softly at Castiel's appearance and hugged him gently. "You're a mess," he told him fondly, giving his ass a light pat when Castiel went upstairs. Dean collapsed on the couch and looked up at Jimmy tiredly. "How are you doing?" He asked in gentle concern. Jimmy wasn't one to show his emotions as much and he was funny about reacting to things, but Dean just wanted to make sure he was really okay after Amber's death.

Jimmy was sat at the table, examining the food and putting them into groups. He nodded weakly, rocking a little. "O-Okay. I prayed for her," he said with a weak smile and a nervous twitch of a laugh. "She will be missed but n-not forgotten." He counted the tins before taking them into the kitchen to place in the cupboards, putting them away so they were stacked neatly. Castiel came down twenty minutes later, looking fresh and content. He came and sat in Dean's lap, kissing his cheek tenderly. "Bonjour monsieur," Castiel grinned happily, playing with Dean's hair.

Dean watched Jimmy carefully sort the food items. There was nothing he could really say in response to Jimmy's statement, so he just nodded in agreement and stayed silent. Cas came down a few minutes later and sat in Dean's lap, and Dean wrapped his arms around his husband and nuzzled his neck. "Hey, baby," he greeted, "You're pretty chipper for waking up so early," he teased with a playful smirk.

Castiel rolled his eyes. "Not my fault we work late," mumbled. "Besides I needed my beauty sleep for tonight. It is Saturday after all. Got my best tippers coming tonight. Gotta look my best and stay awake." He kissed Dean with a loud 'mwah' sound and sighed. "Although I need to ask a favour of you. Can you change our bedsheets? I don't really feel comfortable doing it."

Dean smiled softly and ruffled Castiel's damp hair. "Yeah, beauty sleep is a necessity. I bought some energy drinks, by the way. In case you needed them." He nodded and hugged Castiel close, resting their foreheads together. "Yeah, don't worry about it. I'll do it right now, okay?" The bedsheets still had Amber's fur on them, a haunting memory of what had happened only yesterday.

Castiel smiled adoringly at Dean, kissing him gently. "What would I do without you?" he hummed, kissing Dean again before moving off of the other man so Dean could go change the bedsheets. He bit his lip, wondering what to do with his spare time before heading off to work. He decided to massage his legs with oil, keeping his thighs from stiffening up on him. Being a dancer, it was important to look after his body but with the incident with Lucifer too, he had to take extra care.

Dean smiled and rubbed Castiel's back as he stood up and went upstairs to change the sheets and clean up their room a little. When he walked by the bathroom, he peered in curiously and saw that Cas was rubbing oil into his legs and stretching his muscles. "That's hot," he commented, watching as Castiel continued to massage his legs with the oil. "Have we ever tried having sex with oil?" He wondered randomly.

Castiel chuckled when Dean appeared in the doorway and said he was hot. He spread his legs out, showing off a little as he rubbed the oil in. "I don't think so," Castiel said, trying to recall. "We could try it, if you like but I think we'll just be a sticky mess. I don't think oil will help in any way" He looked down at his thighs again, cut up and scarred covered by his barbwire tattoo. "Care to help me rub it in?" he asked Dean with a smirk.

Dean snorted and grinned at Cas in amusement as he sat down in front of him on the bathroom floor. "Slippery, not sticky," Dean corrected, "It could be interesting. You know me, I'm always eager to try new things. If you're interested." He smirked suggestively and took the oil bottle to pour a little onto his hands and then he scooted a little closer to Cas so he could reach better, and he began carefully working the oil into Castiel's muscle with experienced hands. "You love it when I do this, don't you, baby." He murmured.

Castiel sighed once Dean's hands were on his thighs, massaging the oil into his legs at a better angle. "Mmm, tempting," he mused with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. "Though I think I'd need to tie you up," Castiel drawled, grinning wolfishly down at Dean. "You know, to keep you from _slipping _anywhere." Castiel chuckled lightly, biting his lip seductively at his husband, trying to make him smile.

Dean laughed and shook his head. "I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you," he drawled, looking up at Cas with an equally seductive smirk. "It would get pretty messy. I think I'll buy one of those cheap plastic inflatable kiddie pools for the sole purpose of oiled-up fucking." Dean found a small knot on the outside of Castiel's thigh, right between the hamstring and the quad, and he pressed down hard on it for a moment to let it soften up. "Sorry," he apologized with a little shrug. "Can't have those talented legs of yours getting stiff, old man."

Castiel laughed openly at the thought before groaning, face tightening in pain for a moment as Dean worked out a knot. "Hmm, maybe stick to the bathtub. We may scare the neighbours if we use a children's pool for other purposes other than swimming." He moaned slightly when Dean's hands hit the right spot, making his body melt as the knot released. "I'm not old," he pouted. "I got stabbed, what's your excuse Grandpa?"

Dean laughed and rubbed Castiel's leg out gently, stroking his fingers all the way down from his hip to his knee. "Then we'll buy a smaller one, move some furniture around, and put it inside. Or we can just put a tent up over it outside. Don't worry, Cas. I got this." Dean grinned and playfully poked Castiel's ass. "And you're not as young as you used to be, dude. You're almost 22."

Castiel grinned, laughing as Dean poked him. He swatted his hand and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, soon I'll be 30 and on my deathbed," he joked, snorting a little. "Don't be an ass, Dean. I'm 21. I'm married and have got a fine ass and I know how to use it so don't you be callin' me old otherwise I might have to reconsider my status as married. Might be single sooner than you think," he teased.

Dean grinned and leaned forward over Cas a little bit to rub their noses together with a loving smile. "You're so gorgeous," he praised, "So talented and athletic and really fucking hot." He kissed Cas gently and then kissed the tip of his nose. "And also incredibly modest and humble," he added teasingly.

Castiel hummed, kissing Dean back. "I love you," he said after Dean praised him so tenderly. "You're so passionate and enthusiastic. You're loyal and funny." Castiel kissed Dean again and chuckled against the other man's lips. "And a really great shag in bed," he chuckled in his best English accent before kissing Dean's forehead tenderly.

Dean rolled his eyes and leaned into Castiel's gentle kiss. "Yeah?" He breathed against Castiel's lips, stealing another quick kiss before backing away and smiling softly at him. "Hey, I've been wanting to ask you something." He sat back a little and wiped his hands clean on a towel. "What do you think about starting to look for a home? Someplace we can live permanently, raise a family, all that? We can start small, get an apartment somewhere. Just to have our own space."

Castiel blinked, surprised at what Dean was asking him. Sure they'd talked about it but it was always after sex or when they were half asleep when they were just dreaming. Nothing really serious just yet. "I...I don't know," Castiel said, unsure what else to say. He'd love to live with Dean. On their own, their first step towards their own life but it felt so..real. Things were finally moving on for them and that scared the hell out of him.

Dean noticed the concern in Castiel's reaction and he bit his lip nervously. "What?" He asked worriedly, studying Castiel's face. "We can afford an apartment, we have enough saved already. And maybe we could move to New York so you'd be closer to your work and everything, if that's what your worried about."

"Dean...I..." Castiel didn't know why he was so hesitant. This was everything he wanted. He wanted a life with Dean, away from everything. It just seemed so sudden and frightening. Castiel wasn't expecting it. "I have to get ready for work," he said quickly, shaking his head and stood up from the edge of the bathtub. "We'll talk about this later, okay?"

Dean's heart sank and he sat back to let Cas move away. He didn't say anything but the rejection stung. Dean was anxious to move out and really start their lives as a married couple, two adults living together and supporting themselves completely in a space that was completely theirs. But Cas didn't seem as eager to do it and it made Dean wonder what he was doing wrong. Cas was avoiding the topic and it worried Dean immensely.

Castiel went into the bedroom, changing for work. He decided he'd do his make-up there seeing as his costumes were there too. He slung on a pair of pants and a hoodie, grabbed his bike keys and his wallet before heading back into the bathroom to find Dean still sat there uncertainly. He knelt down by his side and kissed him tenderly. "I'll see you tonight. Be sure to feed the cats."

Dean automatically kissed Castiel back and forced a smile, but it didn't hide the hesitancy he was feeling. "I will," he said in response to the cat reminder. "Dance your ass off," he said with a little grin, looking down and picking up the towels and the bottle of massage oil.

Castiel smiled but noticed the way Dean looked worried and anxious. He tried to not let it get to him. He'd talk to Dean tonight when they had more time. For now, he went to work and did what he did best. He danced. It wasn't until two in the morning, he arrived back at the house with three hundred dollars worth of tips in his back pocket. Saturdays were always busy for them. Especially when Castiel did a few private showings too. By the time he slipped into the now clean bed, he let out an exhausted sigh, automatically wrapping his arms around Dean, unsure if the other man was awake or not so for now he stayed silent, not wanting to wake him if he was.

Dean went to bed somewhat early, not having anything else to do. Tonight was his night off and he just wanted to sleep and get well rested. He couldn't get Castiel's uncertain expression out of his head as he fell asleep. He woke up when Castiel came home and slid into bed beside him. "Mm," Dean hummed tiredly, not awake enough to say words but wanting Cas to know he wasn't sleeping.

Castiel took this opportunity to say something, knowing Dean was probably too tired to speak but he could still listen to him. "I'm sorry," he whispered, pressed a small kiss to the back of Dean's neck. "I freaked out. I got scared. Having our own place..it's fucking terrifying," he said quietly against Dean's ear. "I've spent my whole life wanting to run away. The way my childhood was..I could only ever seeing myself get an apartment alone. A place I could hide away in, with ready meal boxes piled high and most likely, in the end, just a place to kill myself in." Castiel swallowed thickly. "But everyday, you're continuing to show me it doesn't have to be that way and the things we talk about before going to sleep, they're becoming reality and I just don't know how to process that. This wasn't what I expected from my life. I didn't believe I could be so happy and I guess I was hesitant because I'm scared this might all just be a dream and everything will suddenly just get taken away from me."

Dean cracked his eyes open and frowned into the dark when Cas started talking, and he turned over to face him and wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist. "Shh, s'okay," he mumbled, closing his eyes again and nuzzling Castiel's neck. "We'll do it together and it'll be okay." He sighed tiredly against Castiel's warm skin and pressed closer, just wanting everything to be okay.

Castiel melted a little into Dean's touch, feeling safe with him. "I know, I trust you," he whispered, kissing the top of Dean's head. I'm sorry I was an ass before. I should have just said yes. I really want to live with you, Dean. A place of our own. I'm just scared. I'm sorry." He held Dean close, stroking his hair soothingly, not wanting to disturb Dean from his sleep any longer.

Dean sighed tiredly and relaxed into Castiel's gentle touches, closing his eyes again. "What are you scared of?" He murmured, still nuzzling softly at Castiel's neck and collarbone.

"Of living," he whispered softly, pressing his nose into Dean's hair. "I've spent so long, accepting my fate. That my future only led to death. I'm finding it hard to accept that there's actually more out there for me. With you and possible children. I can finally have a life and that scares the shit out of me."

Dean squeezed Cas a little tighter and frowned sadly. They were so happy these days that Dean sometimes forgot how many times he'd come close to losing Cas. "Cas," he whispered sadly, "I love you so much. You're the reason I'm alive and we're going to have a good life together. I promise I will take care of you, babe."

"I know you will, Dean," he nodded, taking a deep breath and exhaled shakily. "I know you will." He kissed Dean's forehead before moving onto his back so Dean could snuggle closer and be comfortable, lying half on his chest so he could hear Castiel's heart beating. "It's beating for you, Dean. Always for you," he said just before drifting off to sleep.

Dean moved with Cas and snuggled up against him to listen to Castiel's heartbeat. He smiled softly and pressed a gentle kiss to Castiel's chest. "We're going to be fine," he promised. "Everything will be okay."

Castiel awoke in the morning to find Dean still pressed warmly against his chest. He kissed his forehead and slid out from beneath him to go take a long, hot bath, feeling the need for something relaxing after the stress and tension that yesterday brought. He ran the water and brushed his teeth whilst he waited for the bath to fill before getting in with a loud, content sigh.

Dean didn't remember falling asleep, but he awoke to the sound of water running in the bathroom and an empty bed. He stretched lazily and yawned, wondering when he'd fallen asleep during the middle of last night's conversation, but he felt like it had ended on a positive note before he fell asleep. He sat up and decided to go downstairs and make breakfast to surprise Cas.

Castiel spent a long time in the bath, letting the warm water soak over his body. He lost his train of thought after a while and the water had gone cold so he got out, drying off and wrapped a towel around his waist and padded into the bedroom but Dean wasn't there so he looked downstairs, finding Dean in the kitchen and making breakfast. "Mm, hey there beautiful," he murmured, kissing Dean's shoulder before going to the fridge to look for juice.

Dean was just finishing up cooking eggs and bacon when Cas came downstairs wearing a towel, and Dean turned to him and gave him an appreciative look. "Hey yourself, sexy." He replied. Castiel's body was in excellent shape, and Dean couldn't get enough of him. One day he was going to wear a disguise to the club and buy a private session with Cas just to see how good he gave it to his customers, because even after three years with Cas working in the club, Dean still hadn't paid for any of Castiel's services while he was working.

Castiel poured himself and Dean a glass of orange juice and put the carton back in the fridge. He took a sip of his juice a sighed, leaning against the counter and watched Dean cook in silence. Once everything was on the table and they were half way through breakfast, Castiel finally asked, "Are you working Wednesday? Maybe we could go look at apartments at the agency then?"

Dean looked up in surprise when Cas suggested looking at apartments, and he smiled widely. "Yeah, I mean... yeah, we can do it then. If you want to?" He bit his lip in excitement and looked at Cas eagerly, relieved and ecstatic that this was finally happening. They were taking things seriously and thinking about apartments, and it was so exciting.

Castiel smiled widely, nodding his head. "Yeah. Yeah, I think so." He got up from his seat and walked around the table to sit in Dean's lap. "I want to live with you, Dean. I-I-I want this. I want to have our own private space but...I need to tell you something first." He bit his lip, looking at Dean anxiously. "I got an audition in New York, for a show..but nothing's final yet but if I get it I think we should move to New York. It's a six month gig and I don't want to have to do that without you, babe."

Dean set his fork down and rested his hands on Castiel's hips as he came and sat down on Dean's lap. The towel around his waist was still damp but Dean didn't care, too busy looking up at Castiel's concerned eyes. His jaw dropped and he thought for a moment before hugging Cas close and resting his face against his chest. "Cas, baby, I'm so proud of you," he whispered before moving back and smiling up at him. "Let's move to New York."

Castiel smiled breathlessly, unable to believe Dean would be willing to just get up and go with him. "Well, I don't think we should move unless I get the job," he said carefully. "We've got secure jobs here. There's no point ditching them if there is nothing up there for us. We've got to just..wait a little longer. My audition is next month."

Dean nodded in understanding and kissed Castiel's jaw. "I know," he reassured, "But I'm sure there'll be plenty of opportunities for us up there with our professions. New York is famous for its night life." There was another more serious topic to be discussed, however, and Dean wasn't sure what they were going to do about it. "So... if we move out, what are we going to do with this house?" He asked hesitantly, "Because Sam's going to college, and Jimmy will still be here, but it doesn't make sense for one person to have this whole house to himself."

Castiel sighed, rubbing a hand through his damp hair. "I've talk to him about it before. He says he understands he can't live here forever. I told him that we'd help him look for a place of his own but he said no. He said he was going to live in France with mom once he got enough money together to fly over there. I guess so then he doesn't feel completely abandoned. Plus, he's got friends out there. It's probably the best thing."

"That makes sense," Dean agreed, "Does that mean you're going to try to sell this house? There's not much point to keeping it if nobody's living here. And it would reduce expenses, too." Dean looked around at the familiar kitchen that had become his home. He hadn't been in his own house in a very long time, at least a year, because he had everything he needed right here. When John got out of prison he'd probably go back and live in that house, but Dean didn't want to be there to witness it. This was his home, but it was time to move on.

Castiel shrugged. "It's my mom's..or my dad's house really so I guess it's up to them to sell it? I honestly have no idea how these things work. I'll phone my mom once we get Jimmy and ourselves sorted and I guess she'll take it from there." He kissed Dean's nose and stood up to go upstairs to change. When he came back down he helped Dean with the dishes, he kissed Dean's cheek and hummed contently. "Thanks for breakfast, babe."

"Yeah, we'll let the grown-ups deal with it," Dean murmured with a grin, patting Castiel's ass as he stood up to go get dressed. Dean started cleaning up when Cas was upstairs and he smiled, turning his head to the side to capture Castiel's lips when he came back downstairs. "My pleasure," he replied easily, "You deserved a treat. Don't get used to it, though."

Castiel rolled his eyes affectionately. "I'd say you do too but you already do with your day off," he pouted grumpily. "You don't have to do to work today dressed in stupid costumes. You get to sit on your lazy ass all day, free of spandex and tight panties." Castiel huffed in complaint and leant against the kitchen counter. "Never thought stripping could be more embarrassing. Turns out it can with these stupid theme nights."

Dean laughed and poked Castiel's muscled stomach. "You love it," he teased, "You just love dressing up in slutty little costumes and shaking your ass around." He walked over in front of Cas and pressed him against the counter with his hips, caging him in with an arm on either side on the counter. "The lovely month of July. What's this month's theme night?" He asked playfully, "Are you gonna come home dressed like a Playboy bunny or something?"

Castiel chuckled, pressing his hands against Dean's arms and looked up at his husband with a bright grin. "I only do the really slutty costumes with you, babe," he murmured, "I don't know, they'll have something picked out for me once i get there. Thankfully you're not working tonight. Otherwise they'd throw a skimpy outfit your way and you'd have to serve alcohol showing more skin than most the dancers."

Dean grinned and nudged his nose against Castiel's jaw. "Yeah, good thing I'm not working tonight, I don't think I'd be comfortable wearing a little sailor costume or something while serving drinks." Dean got an idea, and he grinned excitedly into Castiel's neck. "I bet you'll get lots of customers and plenty of tips tonight," he said.

Castiel moaned a little at the thought of his husband in a sailor outfit. He ran his hands over Dean's arms and chest, imagining it. "I hope so," he said with a smile. "I'd hate to think making an effort gets me less tips than usual. Could use the money too. Help Jimmy get to France quicker so we can sort things out more easily." He pecked Dean's lip, still unable to move anywhere.

"Mmm," Dean hummed with a soft smile, pressing a warm kiss to Castiel's lips and stepping aside to let him move away. "You'll be swimming in cash, baby. Jimmy can go to France, and everything will be good." Dean kissed Castiel once more before stepping back to the sink to finish up the dishes and put everything away. "When are you going to work?" He asked, glancing at the clock.

Castiel hummed, kissing Dean back before stepping away. "Soon," he answered, looking at the clock too. "Gotta help set up and get into costume and everything before we open." He sighed, patting Dean's ass. "Don't worry baby, I'll take a photo of my super awesome costume for you. Just so you don't feel like you're missin' out."

Dean grinned and hip checked Cas. "Yeah, I'll be looking forward to seeing pictures. I think I'll talk Sam into going shopping for college dorm stuff and make sure he's got everything he needs." Dean definitely wasn't intending on doing that at all, he had a much better idea. He was actually going to shop for some kind of mysterious costume disguise and go to the club to surprise Cas.

"That's nice," Castiel said softly, squishing Dean's cheeks together. "You're such a good brother, Dean. And husband," he murmured, kissing Dean's lips before letting go of his cheeks. "Alright, I'll see you tonight then," he said, picking his keys up off the side and pocketing them quickly. "Love you!" he called out as he left the house, getting on his bike he rode off to work.

Dean lightly shoved Castiel's hands away when he squeezed his face, laughing playfully. "Yeah, see you later. I'll probably be asleep, shopping with Sam is a real chore. Love you too!" He waved as Cas walked out of the house, and then Dean waited until he'd been gone for about five minutes before going outside and getting in the Impala. Time to go costume shopping.

Castiel spent a long time getting ready, looking at himself in the mirror and judging the stupid police officer outfit they were making him wear. Castiel didn't find this night reassuring at all. It was so cheesy and cheap. Tonight was more about costumes than dancing and Castiel didn't enjoy that as much, still, he put on his make up and hat, taking a tray and began working on the floor as a waiter. He had tiny denim shorts on with a thin white shirt the barely covered his torso and a policeman's hat on his head.

Dean didn't know where to start looking for costumes, so he just went to the shopping mall and walked around gazing into windows of stores. Finally, he found an adult Halloween costume store that sold Halloween costumes in the fall and sexy costumes and sex roleplay props year round. He hesitated and looked around to make sure nobody was watching before he walked in, and a woman in a short dress greeted him with a predatory smile. She was very tan and muscular with tattoos and piercings and long bleach-blond hair, and Dean was already a little intimidated. "Can I find anything for you?" She asked in a smoky voice, and Dean shrugged awkwardly. "Uh... I think I'll just look around," he said, and the woman looked him up and down slowly. "Alright. If you can't find what you're looking for I've got a few ideas. Just holler if you need help, my name's Jolene." Dean nodded and smiled tightly before slinking away into the nearest aisle of clothing. He was already regretting his decision to enter this store, but he couldn't back out now.

Castiel spent the first hour of his night giving drinks out to tables. A few girls slapped his ass playfully, asked for lap dances and shoved as many bills as they could down his shorts. Things were going great. He was making money and, he'd admit, he was having a little fun whilst doing it. It wasn't long until the club was beginning to fill properly and business began to pick up a bit.

Dean awkwardly browsed around, finding many skimpy outfits and none of them really caught his attention. Finally he found a pair of pants that were a dark brown material, and right underneath them was a pair of tall black leather boots. Dean sighed in relief at finding something that didn't involve booty shorts, and he picked both items up and held onto them. They were giving him an idea, and he searched around until he found exactly what he needed. He took all the items into the fitting room and tried them on. When he was wearing all of it, he looked at himself in the mirror and liked what he saw, even if he did feel ridiculous. Skin tight dark brown pants tucked into knee-high black leather riding boots, a loose black linen shirt with large sleeves and loosely ruffled cuffs, covering up his wrist tattoo, the shirt unbuttoned halfway down his chest and loosely flowing. He had also put on a plain, dark mask covering his eyes and the top of his nose, and a wide-brimmed hat pulled low on his forehead. The item that completed the ensemble was a long cape draped over his shoulders, flowing dramatically down his back. He stared at himself for another moment before deciding to just go ahead and buy it, because he didn't know when else he'd have a chance to do this. He carried all the stuff out to the checkout desk and Jolene eyed the items curiously while Dean mentally begged her not to say anything. She winked at him when she was done ringing it up, and handed him the bag. "Have fun," she said in her smoky voice. Dean thanked her and left the store quickly to go home and put the outfit on and add a few finishing touches; dark eyeliner, and he slicked his hair back with gel and sprayed on a cologne he didn't normally wear, something that Cas hopefully wouldn't recognize. It was already dark outside by the time he was ready.

Castiel wasn't due to dance until the last number so in order to make enough money tonight, Castiel had to pull out all his flirtatious moves. He gave a few lap dances and private sessions too. Within just a few hours he'd made over $300 and was exhausted. He'd never made so much in one night before, let alone a few hours but he rarely ever did private sessions. That was beginning to change as he needed more money to help out Jimmy and himself.

Dean drove to the club feeling like a moron, but he was really excited and it was kind of fun to be disguised like this. Hopefully he wouldn't be recognized, with the mask and the eyeliner. He was a little nervous walking into the club, but to his relief everyone else was dressed in costumes as well. Most of the people dressed up were girls in slutty costumes, but a few men were dressed up as stuff in groups as well. Dean looked around and spotted Cas over near the bar chatting up a few girls, and Dean casually walked over and sat down at the bar, ignoring Cas and ordering a beer from Janice, who luckily didn't recognize him, and she grinned at him flirtatiously. Dean played along with it, something that he and Janice would never actually do. It was hilarious, and Dean was already enjoying this night.

Castiel was talking to a group of girls casually, trying to interest them in a private dance but they were shy and giggling a lot. "Maybe later, sweetie," one of them grinned. "We might need to have a few more beers and watch the dancers first." Castiel chuckled, "Of course, just remember, my name's Raven and if you need anything just ask for me. Enjoy your night, ladies." The girls chuckled and grinned happily, nodding and going back to get beers from the bar. Castiel noticed a guy dressed in similar attire to Zorro at the bar and he sauntered up to him with a bright grin. "Hey there, sweetheart. May I on behalf of the club, welcome you to Sinner's Paradise. My name's Raven. You think I could help you out with anything? Maybe find you that lucky dancer?"

Dean's mouth suddenly felt dry when he saw Cas approaching him out of the corner of his eye, and he swallowed hard and acted a little surprised when Cas came up next to him, and Dean really got to see Castiel's routine from a customer's point of view. Dean smiled crookedly, keeping his head down a little and tilted to the side. "Hey," he said in a slightly rough, accented voice. It wasn't anything over the top, kind of just his West Side Story voice. He was glad he'd had some experience with acting, because this was going to be harder than he thought. He suddenly realized he'd forgotten to take off his wedding ring, which Cas would definitely recognize, so he subtly slipped his hand into his pocket and wriggled it off his finger discreetly. "Nice place. You work here?"

Castiel grinned, leaning closer to the gentleman when he didn't tell him he wasn't interested. "Sure do. I wouldn't be wearing this little number just for silly ol' me if I didn't work here," he drawled. "That just wouldn't be any fun at all." Castiel put his hands on the bar and arched his back against it lightly. "So...what do you say, big boy? You wanna have a little fun?" He winked at the man and rested his hand lightly on his shoulder. "Don't worry, sweetheart. You don't have to look so afraid. If you don't want me there's plenty of girls here who I'm sure are just dying to show you a good time."

Dean smirked and tipped his head down, tapping his finger on the edge of his beer mug. "Hmm, tempting," he drawled, glancing back up at Cas and looking him up and down as if considering it. "You're definitely my type," he murmured. He wished he had a cigarette, just something to do with his hands and the smoke between them making it more mysterious and alluring. But he didn't, so instead he traced his finger lightly along the rim of the glass. He looked around the room thoughtfully, and then squinted back at Cas, praying he wouldn't be recognized behind the mask. "You know, I've been around and I've seen a lot, but you've really caught my attention, Raven."

Castiel let out a small breath in relief. Glad the guy wanted him. He really needed the money and he was fed up of entertaining screaming woman. A guy or two mixed up his work and kept things interesting. "Really?" he feigned surprise, pressing his hand over his heart. "Interested in little ol' me, well sir I am flattered." He leaned in close, pressing his fingertips back against his shoulder. "Perhaps I could attract your attention a little more...in private? I don't like to show just anyone my special moves."

Dean grinned, licked his lips, and stood up to face Cas, still keeping his head tilted slightly away. "Yeah?" He murmured, "I think I'd like to see these special moves." Dean's heart was pounding rapidly with excitement at the aspect of what he was doing, and seeing Cas as how he acted with other people. It was exhilarating and Dean was a little nervous.

Castiel chuckled, taking the guy's hand. "Come on big boy, let's go somewhere a bit more private," he murmured, frowning a little when he led the way. Those callus hands felt like Dean's. He tried not to think about it like that. A guy last week had had a voice similar to Dean's but he hadn't let it get in the way of his work so he didn't let this bother him either. He led the man behind into a vacant room and sat him down in a chair, grinning at him. He went back to lock the door and started dancing his way back to the man. "So, what will it be?" he asked seductively, biting his lip. "Being an officer of the law I probably shouldn't be doing this but..you're just too hard to resist," he teased, chuckling softly as he danced lazily in front of the man.

Dean let himself be led back into the room, where the noise of the club was muffled by the walls and it was quieter. There was a comfortable sofa and a few chairs around the elegantly decorated room, and a shelf in the corner with some small towels, hand sanitizer, and tissues. The room was dimly lit and romantic, and Dean was surprised. He'd never even been back here before. Cas was moving around smoothly in front of him, and Dean felt strange asking for a favor. He leaned back and smirked at Cas, looking him up and down. "Mmm, glad you talked me into this," he drawled in a sexy voice. "What's your favorite thing to do? Surprise me, angelface."


	66. Chapter 66

Castiel shrugged, gyrating his hips teasingly. "We've got a menu of things I'm allowed to do," he said, gesturing to the piece of card on the table with the prices on it. "As much as I'd like to do more, I'm afraid I can't," he pouted, edging a little closer. "But don't worry, big boy, I'm sure we can still have some fun," he winked, trailing his hand over the man's shoulder. Something felt so familiar about the touch, it felt like Dean, it was starting to put Castiel off his game a little. This man wasn't his husband. Couldn't be. Why would he be?

Dean read over the menu, biting his lip in amusement. He'd never seen one of these things before, and he felt incredibly awkward ordering off the menu. He was a little surprised at Castiel's enthusiastic nature about this, but he assumed it was something Cas did with all of his customers to make them feel important. But the way Cas was moving his hips was really distracting, and Dean just decided to go for it. He pulled a $100 out of his pocket and slapped it down on the table. "How about a lap dance?" Dean suggested, and then added hopefully, "Am I allowed to touch you?"

Castiel chuckled, taking the money from the table and slipped it into his booty shorts. "I'm afraid that's not allowed," he pouted sadly, stepping closer to start dancing in front of the man. He pressed his hands to either side of the man's head and leaned in close. "You don't want me to have to arrest you, do you?" he teased, grinning seductively as he ground his hips closer, the handcuffs on his belt loop dangling against his thigh.

"I'll take my chances," Dean murmured back, grinning up at Cas when he held his head and leaned in close. "I'm used to breaking the law." He kept his hands on the arms of the chair though, not wanting to get kicked out before anything even happened. It was fun like this, playfully roleplaying as a police officer and a masked bandit. "You gonna use those on me?" Dean asked, nodding towards the handcuffs. "I wouldn't object to it."

Castiel smirked, grinding his hips down against the other, merely inches apart but still not touching. "Hmm, maybe later," Castiel winked, turning his back to grind up and back against the man. "Don't want to ruin all the fun just yet, now do we?" He bit his lip and looked seductively over his shoulder at the other. Being so close to him made Castiel feel uneasy. Those lips that jaw..it all looked like Dean. He didn't understand. It just had to be..wait. Was this a test? Was Dean testing him? Seeing if he'd really slip up at work and cheat on him? This was stupid. Well, two could play at that game. He was going to make Dean chicken out before he did. He stood up, gesturing towards the couch. "Let's make you more comfortable, who knows, maybe I'll use them on you yet."

Dean sat back a little as Cas ground his ass against his lap, giving him an excellent view. Dean longed to touch Cas but he knew he couldn't, and he wondered how far this would go. What had started out as a fun game for Dean was starting to turn into something more serious, and Dean wanted to see how far Cas would take things with a stranger He moved to the couch and laid back on it, sprawled out lazily with his shoulder resting against the armrest and his legs spread. "You might need to lock me up if I can't control myself, because damn, you're sexy."

Castiel hummed, grinding back against who he knew for certain was Dean. "If you're a bad boy I doubt locking you up will be enough. I might have to teach you a lesson," he breathed, looking over his shoulder at Dean, keeping his eyes wide and innocent for show. "Bad boys turn me on, you know," he whispered, turning to dance in Dean's lap so they were face to face. "They're so mysterious and cool."

Dean shifted a little, his breath catching nervously in his throat. He stared at Cas and then ducked his head down, lowering his eyes to Castiel's body to avoid recognition just yet. "Yeah? Well, I'm a bad boy and I think punishment might be just what I need," he breathed, grinding up against Castiel's hips and wondering if Cas really was starting to get aroused, if he did this with just anybody who paid for it.

Castiel grinned, taking his hand cuffs he locked Dean's hands behind his back. He then started dancing in front of Dean, barely touching Dean as he started touching himself, moaning breathlessly. He had his back turned to Dean so he couldn't see properly and he barely touched Dean, just moved his ass lightly over Dean's crotch. "Such a bad boy," he moaned, looking over his shoulder at Dean, meeting his eyes.

Dean watched in surprise as Cas cuffed his hands together behind his back, leaving him helpless and vulnerable for whatever beautiful torture Cas was going to inflict on him. He couldn't even touch himself and he was thinking this wasn't exactly a typical thing to happen in private sessions, but he decided to just go with it because clearly Cas had his own thing and was doing what ha wanted. His cock started to twitch in interest when Castiel began rolling his hips slowly and touching himself. "Looks like you're the bad boy here," Dean remarked with an amused smirk. Every little moan Cas uttered was turning Dean on more and more, even if it was all for show.

"I don't know about that," Castiel said slowly, still watching Dean closely. "You're the one that thought it'd be okay to spy on their husband at work." Castiel took his hand out of his shorts and moved to sit in Dean's lap, taking the mask and hat off of Dean's face. "I'd say if anyone, you're the bad boy," Castiel huffed, crossing his arms, waiting for Dean to explain himself.

Dean was completely caught off guard when Cas called him out and straddled his lap, and he was speechless, shocked into silence. "What... you knew? Did you know the whole time? Was I that obvious?" He felt guilty about it now because Cas actually looked annoyed, which wasn't Dean's intention at all and he had no idea what to do. He hadn't planned on this, but he realized it was stupid that Cas wouldn't recognize him, they'd been together for about five years.

"Not at first," Castiel admitted. "But I had my suspicions when I held your hand and got a closer look at you." He stood his ground, still annoyed Dean would actually do this to him. "Do you not trust me in these rooms? Everything I do in here is exactly what I do out there, Dean. What you've seen me do. Some people just prefer some privacy. Nothing else changes."

Dean's eyes widened and he shook his head quickly. "No, Cas, that's not what I had in mind, I swear. I was just going to surprise you, I didn't think it would actually go this far. I trust you, you know I do." Dean looked up at Cas pleadingly and took his hand. "Please don't be mad, baby. I was just trying to have a little fun with you." This was the opposite of how Dean had envisioned this going.

Castiel sighed, sagging against Dean. "This is my job, Dean. We can have fun but I need money, y'know? Couldn't this have been one of those things you did towards the end of the night or something." He pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned tiredly. "Or something we try at home when I'm not trying to earn money to pay for our family's needs?"

Dean hugged Cas and patted his back reassuringly. "Come on, Cas," he pleaded, "Don't be mad at me. I'll go pimp you out, tell everyone how awesome you are and get you some more paying customers, alright?" Dean leaned back a little to look up at Cas with a pout and puppy eyes, his arms still loosely wrapped around Castiel's waist.

Castiel sighed nodding a little. "Okay, just make it subtle. I don't want to get either of us in trouble." He leaned against Dean for a moment and kissed his forehead. "You're an idiot sometimes but I still love you," he chuckled fondly, getting up and out of Dean's lap before resetting his costume and put his shirt on properly again.

Dean sighed in relief and stood up when Cas got out of his lap. He picked up his mask and hat and put them on again, smirking at Cas. "Are you going to punish me later? Pick up where we left off?" He teased, smacking Castiel's ass lightly before slinking out of the room dramatically with his cape flowing behind him. He made his way back over to the bar and took a seat beside the same girls who'd been there before. They looked at him curiously and Dean lifted his hat a little and pretended to wipe sweat off his forehead, smiling lazily. "Damn, that stripper was _good,_" Dean drawled, "You girls might want to take him up on that offer. He had me going crazy."

Castiel wanted to be mad at Dean but the way he teased him just made him laugh as the other left the room. He waited a moment, setting the room back to normal before leaving, going back to work. The girls near Dean didn't take long to ask for a private lap dance. The rest of the night after that flowed pretty easily with costumers giving tips for waitering and giving both public and private lap dances. When his number came to dance on stage he got a lot of screaming girls and money thrown at him too. It was probably one of his busiest nights. He hadn't seen Dean in a while, figured he'd gone home not wanting to stick around and get caught. Castiel helped clean up, counted his money and went home still deciding if he should be mad at Dean or not.

Dean decided to go home a little while later, just in case Cas was still mad at him, and he sat on the bed still wearing his ridiculous costume. They'd bought a little TV for their bedroom, so Dean just sat in the middle of the bed and channel surfed until Cas got home, and then he muted the TV and looked at Cas innocently as he walked into the room, hoping he wasn't in trouble.

Castiel had changed back at the club, not wanting to ride home in booty shorts. When he got into their bedroom, he looked at Dean and couldn't help but laugh. "You look like an overgrown child," he muttered, taking off the hat and mask as he came to kneel on the bed in front of Dean. He pressed a kiss to Dean's forehead and sighed. "I don't want to talk about what happened tonight. I made a lot of money. I'm happy. Let's just move passed it, okay?"

Dean smiled slightly and shuffled a little so he was sitting cross-legged with his elbows leaning on his knees, and he looked at Cas apologetically. "Sorry," he sighed, "I'm a dumbass and you don't deserve to be treated like that." He smiled shyly and looked up at Cas through his lashes. "You can still punish me if you want, Mr. Policeman."

Castiel rolled his eyes, shrugging out of his clothes and crawled into bed. "No, you'd enjoy that too much," Castiel muttered with a smirk, closing his eyes and letting all of his energy drain as his body sagged tiredly into the mattress. "Come lie with me," he murmured with a yawn, doing his best to try and pull the covers back for Dean.

Dean groaned quietly and then stripped out of his costume to lie in bed beside Cas. He switched the TV off and crawled over to Cas in his underwear before lying down and snuggling up close. "Tired?" Dean murmured, "It sounds like you had a busy night." Dean stroked Castiel's hair back and kissed his forehead gently.

Castiel grunted a little in response. "Made a lot of money though." He took Dean's hand and wrapped the other's arm around his waist, wanting him to be close and feel warm and safe. "Think Jimmy might be able to go to France now," he hummed tiredly, falling asleep mid-sentence with his husband close by in their bed.

Dean smiled softly and kissed the tip of Castiel's nose as Cas moved his arm to wrap around his waist. "Mmm?" He murmured sleepily, watching as Cas drifted off to sleep. Dean didn't stay awake for more than a minute before he was dozing off as well, feeling warm and content with Castiel in his arms.

Castiel awoke in the morning to Dean still wrapped around him. He hummed happily, no intent on moving. He kissed his husband's chin and sighed softly, watching Dean breath in and out evenly. So handsome, he thought with a grin, reaching a hand out to brush the hair out of his eyes and away from his forehead. "My husband," he mused happily.

Dean frowned sleepily and burrowed closer to Cas when he felt the slight movement of his husband beside him, waking him up slowly. "Mmm," he hummed, sighing softly and slipping a hand over Castiel's hip to keep him close, while his legs twined around Castiel's. "You still mad at me?" He mumbled sleepily, not opening his eyes. "I love you, Cas."

"Not mad at you," he murmured, kissing Dean lightly. "Love you too." He rested his hand against Dean's bicep, squeezing lightly as he closed his eyes again, kissing Dean lazily. The warmth of the other's skin welcoming to him. He nudged closer, whimpering into Dean's mouth. "Too far away," he complained, trying to get Dean to be as close as possible.

Dean laughed softly at Castiel's whining complaint and he wriggled closer so their bodies were pressed together from head to toe. Dean was half-hard, as was typical some mornings, and he pushed his hips into Castiel's slowly as he met his lips again, exhaling into Castiel's delicious mouth. "I'm right here," he murmured with a soft smile.

Castiel hummed, feeling Dean's erection press against him. "I can see that," he smirked, kissing Dean again. "You want me to do something about that?" he asked, half asleep, his hand rubbing absently against Dean's thigh. He kissed Dean again, everything lazy and slow and just delicious and warm and everything Castiel could ever want to have when waking up in the morning.

Dean grinned against Castiel's lips lazily and wrapped his leg up around Castiel's thighs to press closer. 'If you're up for it," he sighed, "You kind of left me hanging last night after that little performance." He stroked a hand up Castiel's back and hummed contentedly against the warm skin of his neck, inhaling Castiel's addictive scent like oxygen. "God, you smell good," he mumbled.

Castiel wrinkled his nose. "I smell like a strip club but you know, if you're into that sort of thing," he teased, rolling them over so Dean was on his back with Castiel above him. He ground their hips together a little before lowering himself under the covers to tease the tip of Dean's cock with his mouth, keeping him in place with his hands pressed firmly against his hips.

"You smell like _you," _Dean argued, laughing as Cas moved them so Dean was on his back, and Dean gazed up at Cas lovingly for a lingering moment before Cas rolled his hips down against Dean's, causing him to gasp softly and arch into Castiel's body. He squirmed slightly when Cas went down on him and kept him pinned to the mattress with a firm grip, and he whined slightly, fingers tangling in Castiel's hair.

Castiel continued to suck lightly at Dean's cock, hollowing his cheek as his head bobbed up and down, taking as much of him as he could into his mouth. After a few minutes he moved away, crawling back up Dean's body, kissing the skin. "Want me to ride you?" he asked, cheeks flushed red and pupils blown out. "It's been a while," he mused, kissing Dean's chest lightly.

Dean's eyes rolled back in pleasure, a blissful smile on his face as Castiel sucked him lightly with that amazing mouth of his. The pressure started to build torturously slow and Dean wanted to come but Cas was being gentle with him and taking his time, but it was so damn good. He whined when Cas moved back up his body, looking beautiful and aroused, and Dean nodded helplessly. "Please," he begged, grabbing at Castiel's shoulder to drag him closer. "Kiss me," he breathed.

Castiel laughed, indulging in Dean's request and spent a long time kissing him as he fumbled for lube in the nightstand draw. He put some on his fingers and started teasing his own entrance, opening himself up for Dean as he continued to kiss him. "So beautiful," he murmured, gasping slightly when he pushed his finger in deeper. "Gonna make you feel so good."

"You always do," Dean breathed, watching eagerly as Cas started to finger himself open, and Dean stroked his own cock lazily with one hand and teased Castiel's with the other, laughing quietly. Dean pushed himself up a little with one arm and grabbed Castiel's hair gently, pulling him close for a kiss.

Castiel groaned when Dean pulled at his hair, drowning out the sound with a kiss. He pushed in a second finger and stretched himself open enough to take Dean comfortably. "Fuck," he breathed, kissing Dean again before lining himself up and sunk down onto Dean's cock in one fluid motion from years of practise. He hummed, closing his eyes at the sensation of feeling full again.

Dean smiled at the ease with which Castiel slid down onto him, and he helped hold him steady by putting both hands on Castiel's hips, thumbs slotting into the grooves of Castiel's hipbones. He moaned at the feeling of Castiel's body tight and hot around him, and he thrust up slightly to angle his hips to just the right spot, watching Castiel's face with an adoring smile.

Castiel smiled, wrapping his arms under Dean to lift him into sitting position, kissing him slow and passionately as he rolled his hips slowly. His arms moving to wrap around Dean's neck as they continued to kiss, Castiel gasping into Dean's mouth when he felt a jolt of warmth flow inside him, making him quicken his pace, clenching down on Dean's cock desperately.

"Fuck, Cas," Dean gasped, kissing Cas messily and thrusting into him with an increasingly frantic pace. Cas was tightly clenched and impossibly hot, and Dean groaned, biting into Castiel's lower lip and closing a hand around Castiel's cock, while his free arm wrapped tightly around Castiel's back and he slammed into him hard, hitting that spot every time.

Castiel groaned, panting breathlessly as Dean continued to make him moan loudly, hitting his sweet spot with every thrust. "Fuck. Come on, baby," Castiel urged. "Come inside me. Make me yours." Castiel was struggling to breathe, holding onto Dean tightly as he suddenly came, clenching down on Dean's cock as he rolled his hips into Dean's hand eagerly, moaning loudly with his head tipped back, exposing his neck.

Dean's legs trembled with the effort of keeping up the pace of their movements, and he grunted as his thighs began to ache, but it was quickly drowned out by the sweet, hot pleasure filling his body and making him desperate to come. It was too much, watching Castiel reach his orgasm so forcefully that he nearly screamed, head tipping back, and Dean wanted to taste him and touch him everywhere all over again. His own orgasm slammed into him suddenly and caused his back to arch, legs stiffening and toes curling, and he choked out a moan as he rode through the aftershocks and finally collapsed against the bed, completely loose and exhausted and trying to catch his breath.

Castiel let out an exhausted chuckle, moving clumsily out of Dean's lap and slummed against the bed next to Dean with a thud. "That good, huh?" he smirked lazily, noting the look on Dean's face. He was breathing harshly still, trying to catch his breath. His skin sticky and hot against the sheets. Dean's cum slowly spreading down his thighs. He needed a shower but was too content to move. Instead he just watched Dean, his breathing rate returning to normal as his eyelids fluttered shut. "So glad I don't have work today. I really don't want to move from this bed."

"Mm," Dean hummed, closing his eyes and smiling contentedly. His breathing slowed to normal and he wiggled a little closer to Cas. "Yeah, I can't be bothered to get up," he agreed. He opened his eyes and peered over at Cas then with a warm smile. "Do you remember our first time?" He asked, "The cabin, the way the sunlight shone through the window right onto the bed? Remember how nervous we were, how inexperienced?"

Castiel gave Dean a look. "What made you bring up that?" he asked curiously. "I just remember the first time we tried anal and you wouldn't stop giggling 'cause I had my fingers up your butt," he smirked, blushing a little at how different they were back then. How times had changed. "Sorry, I guess you were goin' for a more romantic first time."

Dean groaned and shoved Cas playfully. "Fuck you, Cas," he complained, "You had to go and ruin the moment, didn't you." Dean glared at him for a moment before sighing and shrugging, his expression softening into a smile once more. "I don't know, something about this just reminded me of it. I can't really explain it." He gave Cas an apologetic look and then kissed him gently. "It was a long time ago, but I think I'll always remember that look in your eyes, baby. And how I never imagined you could be mine, but here we are. It's amazing, isn't it?"

Castiel sighed. "Sorry," he said, shooting Dean an apologetic look of his own. "It was incredible. I've never felt so loved." He moved a little closer to Dean with what energy he had left and let out a sigh. "I never thought I could be with someone like you. You turned my life around and showed me the world isn't all bad. Not with you in it." He smiled at Dean before looking away. "I'll never forget the moment you agreed to be mine. Sitting up in that attic with the city below. It didn't take much for me to understand then that no matter where I go, no matter what happens, I'll always have you to come back to."

Dean smiled softly and pulled Castiel closer. "And I'll always be here waiting for you." He promised softly, pressing a kiss into Castiel's temple. "You are the brightest, most beautiful thing in my life, Cas. I've never loved anyone even close to the way I love you." Dean wondered where all this romantic, tender pillow talk was coming from, it didn't happen that often, but it was nice and he enjoyed it, the two of them sharing memories and the magnitude of their love for each other. Just appreciating at the wonderful thing they had together.

Castiel hummed, closing his eyes. "And then there was that night you came up to New York to see me," he reminisced quietly. "I was going through that stressful time just before graduation and you wanted to get me to relax so we went to a movie but the movie was sold out so you took me out to the park, and those buskers were there, remember? You gave 'em some money to play our song and we danced in the moonlight and for a moment everything was okay."

Dean smiled warmly at the memory and tangled his fingers with Castiel's the way they had that night when they danced in the moonlight. "That was a romantic evening," he remembered. "The weather was beautiful and there were those little yellow fairy lights up in the trees and on the gazebo where we danced, they looked like little stars."

Castiel hummed. "Beautiful," he sighed, looking longingly at Dean. "But you know what sticks out in my mind most? It's not the romantic dinners, the nights in bed or the looks you give me when you think I'm not looking. It's that day you broke my heart and told me about prom and the dare. That's my favourite moment because that was a moment of true trust. It told me who you really were more than any perfect night ever could. It wasn't about roses or expensive nights out or moonlight walks. It was about you. Who you truly are and I'm so glad I got to see that because I think I love you more for it."

Dean grimaced slightly and hid his face in Castiel's shoulder at the mention of the dare all those years ago. He could still see it in his mind as easily as if it were yesterday, the skinny kid Cas used to be, the unhappy, longing look in his eyes and the way that old paint-spattered hoodie enveloped his slender figure, messy hair not quite long enough to hide bruises and black eyes. And he remembered the trusting look in Castiel's wide blue eyes and the crushing guilt and regret in Dean's chest when he told Cas the truth and broke his heart. "I've always loved you, Cas." He mumbled honestly, "Even before I knew how to express it."

"I know you did," Castiel whispered, kissing Dean briefly. "I'm just saying I love you for that. You were willing to risk what might have been just so I could know the truth. It was selfless and honest and such a loving gesture. I knew then just how committed you were." He kissed Dean again, stroking a hand through his hair. "Even if I was a skinny rat with a body about 70% covered in bruises."

Dean smiled softly and looked up at Cas to study his face. He traced the scar on his cheek lightly with a sad look in his eyes and then pressed his lips over it. "I remember wanting to kiss all the bruises away," he whispered, remembering the split lip, black eye, and swollen cheekbone Castiel had suffered after a fight with his brothers. "Even then, I thought you were beautiful and captivating and so much more than what you thought of yourself."

Castiel smiled, leaning into Dean's touches. "I thank God every day for being so lucky," Castiel murmured. "If it wasn't for you, I would never have learned to love myself. Love who I am. I would of let myself believe what my brothers said was true. You changed me for the better, Dean and I love you so much." He kissed Dean deeply, showing him just how much he loved him before moving away to get out of bed. "I've got to go shower. I'm too sticky to be comfortable for much longer."

Dean watched Castiel's lips move as he spoke, watched the way his blue eyes flickered around Dean's face. Castiel was so beautiful, inside and out, and Dean remembered the struggle of making Cas see himself that way. Dean kissed him back passionately, cupping his cheeks with both hands to keep him gently in place until Cas moved back to slide off the bed. "Alright, babe," he said, stretching lazily and grinning at him. "I love you."

"I love you more," Castiel countered playfully, dropping his hip as he leant against the doorframe, looking over his shoulder at Dean. "There's always room for one more..." he purred, smiling happily as he moved into the bathroom to freshen up, leaving the door unlocked if Dean wanted to join him.

Dean grinned at Castiel's flirtatious glance and naked pose in the doorway, and he sighed and slid out of bed. "You know I can never refuse an offer like that," he said as he shuffled to the bathroom after Cas. In a few minutes they were both in the shower, getting clean and fresh and sharing small smiles and gentle touches.

Castiel helped Dean wash, pressing small kisses to his shoulders in affection as he went until they were both clean. "I don't know what to do today," he said bashfully. "With your sorry ass at work. I might just have to entertain myself tonight." He pouted playfully, knowing it would frustrate Dean. "Maybe I'll text you what happens. Just so you don't miss anything."

Dean rolled his eyes as he grabbed a towel and tossed it over Castiel's head, roughly scrubbing his hair dry with a playful smirk. He pulled it off Castiel's head and wrapped it around his shoulders instead before getting another towel and drying himself off. "What, that wasn't enough entertainment to hold you over until we're together again?" He teased. "If you do end up doing anything I need pictures, babe."

Castiel grinned, pecking Dean's lips. "Hmm, don't know if I can get pictures at that angle," he teased, wrapping the towel from his shoulders around his waist. He padded into the bedroom and looked for clothes to wear. "Maybe I should just dress up and pretend to be a customer. Have some fun," he shrugged, sending Dean an annoyed glare.

Dean followed Cas back to their bedroom and them groaned, putting his hands to his face in shame. "Cas, can we just pretend that never happened? I'm an idiot and I wasn't thinking, which is typical of me, and I'm really sorry. Please, I already feel bad enough, baby." Dean looked at Cas pleadingly and pouted slightly.

Castiel kissed the pout off of Dean's face, patting his cheek playfully. "Don't worry. I've already got your punishment set up," he grinned, winking at Dean. He rummaged through his nightstand until he found his sex toys and set them on the side. "You know they're there. You know what might happen tonight. BUT. You don't get to see the photos or know the details. I'm sure that's punishment enough right?"

Dean eyed the bag suspiciously and then frowned at Cas. "That's harsh," he complained, "All I'm going to be thinking about is you doing stuff with whatever's in that bag." He stepped a little closer and nudged the dark purple plastic shopping bag with his knuckles, causing the material to crinkle and whatever was in there to shift around. Dean already knew about the vibrating dildo, it wasn't exactly cheap and it had been a joint decision to buy it. But ever since Cas discovered he really enjoyed the vibrator, it had led to other things, including a double sided dildo and some flavored lube. Cas liked to do his internet shopping and Dean had seen a few packages arriving in the mail, but he had no idea what was in them. But the purple bag was more bulgy than usual and Dean assumed Cas had bought a few more things recently.

Castiel smirked, nudging the bag away from Dean. "Tough," he said, crossing his arms. "You're just going to have to take educated guesses..or use your imagination," he shrugged casually. "This is your own fault Dean. You shouldn't have pissed me off otherwise this wouldn't be happening. Now get changed, go to work and think about what you did...or what I'm doing. I don't really care."

Dean sighed and gave Cas a defeated look. "You're a little bitch, you know that?" He muttered, leaning close to Castiel's face and teasingly ghosting his lips over Castiel's. He backed away and found his work clothes to get dressed for a long night at the bar without Cas and his mysterious sex toys. "I think I'll get some extra tips tonight. Get flirty with the ladies, yeah? The ones who don't know I'm married to a hottie like you." He winked playfully and slipped out of the bedroom to go downstairs.

Castiel frowned, running downstairs after Dean. "Hey! There's a difference between teasing and cheating," he said, crossing his arms over his chest. "You'd flirt with other people just because I'm teasing you?" Castiel was insanely jealous. He knew Dean would never do anything but it still made him feel sick. "Maybe I'll just put up a few tweets on twitter, tell 'em I'm horny. That'd make up for you flirting, right?"

Dean turned around by the door and caught Cas in his arms, pulling him close. "Baby, I'm kidding," he soothed, smiling softly at Cas. "And anyways, look who's talking. Mystic Raven, seducer of women and men alike." He kissed Cas on the forehead affectionately to let him know he was only joking around and there was no need to get upset over anything. "Cas, we've been married for three years and I still haven't found a reason to cheat on you, and I never will. Just remember I love you, baby. With everything I have."

Castiel smiled, looking up at Dean coyly. "Has it really been three years?" he asked with a soft smile, resting his hands over Dean's, lacing them together casually. "Seems like time has flown by," he mused, laughing a little. "Soon we'll be old and grey, shouting to hear each other. We'll be retired some place nice, with sun and a calm atmosphere. We'll spend afternoons trying to get out of our armchairs and read books with words we can't see without glasses. Ah..that'll be the life," he sighed sarcastically, smiling idiotically at Dean.

Dean laughed and hugged Cas close to him, pressing his lips to his shoulder. "It's strange how fast the last three years have gone by," he agreed quietly, "But you're getting way ahead of yourself. We're gonna get a house soon, get settled in, raise a family. Retirement and old age can wait." He pulled back and made a face, squishing Castiel's cheeks together. "Besides, being old sounds awful. Better to live while we're young, right?"

Castiel laughed, wrapping his arms around Dean's waist. "You're right," he hummed, leaning into Dean's chest. "Now go serve some alcohol to screaming girls and live young. Woo!" Castiel slapped Dean ass and headed into the kitchen to get some ice-cream. There wasn't much left so he just took the tub and a spoon and headed back upstairs after kissing Dean goodbye.

Dean grinned and blew Cas a kiss before going outside and shutting the door behind himself. He drove to work in good spirits, with the windows down and the radio blaring classic rock. He was there early enough to start setting up, and he remembered that he had a large reservation to cater to, and he needed to go around and ask the girls to help wait tables. Bachelor parties were always good for tips for the girls, and there was always a huge order for drinks. "Ready for a busy night?" Ellen asked as she sauntered up to the bar and leaned one elbow on it. Dean gave her a look and Ellen chuckled.

Castiel sat on the bed cross-legged, eating ice-cream whilst he went on twitter and played angry birds absently on his phone. He was waiting until Dean had been at work for an hour before setting out some of his toys on the bed. He was going to take a photo to send to Dean, deciding to be nice when Jimmy came in, talking to him like he'd been there for the first part of the conversation. He did that sometimes. "...and that's why I need your help," he'd ended on, catching Castiel fiddling with anal beads. "Oh. Sorry. I did not realize you were praying." Castiel looked at him with wide eyes. He wanted to laugh or throw up but he didn't want to have to explain to Jimmy what they actually were. "Yeah. So come back later? Or tomorrow. I'll help you tomorrow, Jimmy." Jimmy just stared blankly at Castiel before nodding and left the room, muttering to himself about nothing in particular.

A few hours in, and the party was in full swing. The club was full of noisy young men, most of the tables occupied by guys in groups drinking beers and shots. Dean had Jade, Candi, and Desdemona waiting tables, which was earning them a lot of catcalling and tips. Dean's job was pretty easy, though, considering the most complicated drink he'd had to make were a couple of martinis for a pair of middle-aged women out clubbing. The bachelor party mostly ordered beer and whiskey, which was about as simple as it could get, and Dean found his mind wandering, as it often did, to Cas. He pulled out his phone briefly and opened a new picture message from Cas. It was a picture of anal beads, and Dean had to bite his tongue to hide his grin. Candi strolled up to the bar with an empty tray and put it down on the counter. "Sexting at work, Dean? How inappropriate." Dean laughed and pocketed his phone. "You wish," he teased back. Candi rolled her eyes playfully. "Whatever. Another round of beers for table seven."

Castiel couldn't believe Jimmy had just done that and he couldn't hold back his laughter much longer, falling back onto the bed and let out his laughter wholeheartedly. It soon petered into an almost forced chuckle, then died down to a weird groaning sound as the realisation dawned on Castiel just how much he'd laughed. He hadn't laughed like that in months. Not since Amber died, at least. He wiped a few stray tears away that had rolled down his cheeks and he lay there, thinking to himself. Had his life really been so bad that it'd felt like a century since he'd last laughed so freely? He was pretty sure his life was going great but he couldn't help but wonder if there was something wrong with him.

He picked up his phone and sent Dean a text. 'Jimmy thought I was praying with those things. The mood is gone.'

Dean quickly poured the eight beers and put the mugs on the tray for Candi to take. "Careful in those heels," he warned, and Candi grinned and easily lifted the heavy tray. "I'm a big girl, I can handle it," she said in a smokey voice and a playful wink, and Dean watched her leave, somewhat impressed by the petite girl carrying eight mugs of beer balanced on a tray, all while wearing dangerously high stilettos. Once she was gone, Dean checked his phone again and snorted in horrified amusement. 'praying with anal beads, that's the best thing i've heard all night' he replied.

Castiel sighed when he got a text from Dean and smiled a little. At least he could make Dean's night more entertaining. 'Praying to the sex Gods...you don't do that?' he sent back, trying to be fun and lighthearted despite how empty and weird he felt at that moment. He felt like he was floating. Just existing. It was a bit of a downer if he was honest. He'd been okay for a while now. Happy and content. It almost felt like this sadness was due. He just wasn't aware it'd happen so suddenly.

Dean felt his phone vibrate in his pocket but had to wait about twenty minutes before he had a chance to read the message from Cas. He smirked to himself when he read it and then replied, 'thought you weren't religious. except when it comes to worshipping my body heehehe ;)' The party was actually going really well, at least until two very drunk guys got into a clumsy fistfight over something stupid and had to be stopped by Benny.

Castiel's sex toys were still laid out on the bed. He couldn't be bothered to moved them so he laid across the bed so his feet dipped over the side a little. He sighed, playing with his phone until it buzzed again with a message from Dean. 'Cheeky boy ;) Just for that, I'm done texting you. You'll just have to wait until you come home to talk to me.'

'I'm guessing that's code for "im going to play with my toys now don't bother me", am i right? well talk to you later, have fun :*' Dean replied to the message. The rest was left to his imagination as he went about the rest of his night, which went smoothly save for the obnoxiously loud douche bag bachelors.

Castiel rolled his eyes at the text. That probably wasn't going to happen now. He didn't feel like it. Maybe when Dean got home but he didn't want to do it alone. He played Angry Birds on his phone for a while before giving up and just played some music, stripped and sat on the bed, looking over his scarred thighs, tracing over his barbed wire tattoos and followed the pattern that merged with the scars that Lucifer had left behind. He got some moisturiser and started rubbing it into his thighs, to keep his skin from going dry.

When it was finally time to clean up and head home, Dean's head was pounding. One of the guys had the loudest laugh Dean had ever heard and he wouldn't stop shouting, and it had given Dean a headache. Unfortunately this problem only got worse the more the guy drank, and Dean was relieved to be able to go home and collapse on a soft surface. He headed upstairs quietly, not wanting to awaken Jimmy or Sam, and found Cas sitting naked on the bed with music playing quietly in the background, various sex toys lying around on the bed. Cas was massaging some lotion into his thighs, and he looked distant and unhappy, apparently not having noticed Dean in the doorway yet. Dean walked up beside him and leaned down to kiss his neck softly and tangle his hand through soft dark hair. "Did I miss the fun?" He whispered.

Castiel hadn't noticed when Dean had entered the room and jumped a little in surprise. "Oh," he gasped softly. "No. I haven't started," he said, trying to keep up what he hoped was a content look. "Didn't feel like it," he shrugged, sitting back a little so he could rub lotion onto his body whilst looking up at Dean at the same time. "Did you have a good shift? You want me to make some food or something? I don't mind," he rambled absently, not sure why.

Dean blinked at Castiel's odd behavior and shook his head. "Nah, I think I just wanna lie down, not hungry." He kicked off his shoes and stripped out of his work clothes down to his boxers and then sat on the other side of the bed beside Cas, flopping back on it and looking over at him curiously. Castiel seemed a little off, but it was barely noticeable. After years of living with him and memorizing everything about him, Dean knew when there was something different about Cas. "Are you going to sleep soon?" He asked gently.

Castiel looked over at Dean before looking back at the toys. "Maybe," he said slowly. He'd wanted to have fun today but he'd just found himself feeling..blank. Maybe he just needed Dean to distract him from these weird thoughts. "Maybe not," he added, leaning over Dean to kiss him slow and sensual. Even if he didn't feel sexy.

Dean hummed softly and stroked his hand through Castiel's hair, still sensing some tension between them that he couldn't understand. "It's okay if you don't want to do anything," he murmured, looking into Castiel's eyes. "We could literally just lay here and kiss until we fall asleep. You look tired, babe."

Castiel shook his head, stroking Dean's cheek. "We were supposed to have fun," he murmured back, looking a little sad. He didn't want to disappoint Dean. That and he'd been happy earlier. He just felt overwhelmed with a sadness he couldn't explain. "We can have fun," he said, kissing Dean again, trying to feel something to lighten the mood.

Dean gazed at Cas uncertainly for a long moment. "Only if you want to, Cas. Don't force yourself if you're not in the mood, alright? Seriously, it's okay if you don't feel up to it." Dean kissed Cas gently and frowned at him in concern, unable to identify the emotion on his husband's face.

Castiel slumped against Dean, his forehead pressed against the other man's shoulder. "I'm sorry," he whispered tiredly. "I was..fine, earlier. Then this..empty feeling just came out of nowhere and hit me on my ass." Castiel sighed and rolled over to flop onto the bed on his back. "I don't know what's wrong. It's just this weird feeling of nothingness. I can't explain it."

Dean watched as Cas rolled over and sprawled out on his back, he placed his hand over Castiel's heart. "Cas, it's okay," he whispered, "Maybe you just need sleep." Dean scooted closer until Cas was curled in his arms and pressed a gentle kiss to his temple. "Want me to sing to you?" He offered.

Castiel couldn't help the small smile that curled across his lips. Dean could be so sweet and gentle. It hurt him just think he'd almost lost him. "Sing Bublé to me?" he asked like a child would for a bedtime story, voice small and shy. He closed his eyes and curled up against Dean, letting out a soft exhale, his nose pressed against Dean's chest, inhaling the familiar scent that calmed him easily.

Dean smiled tenderly as Cas curled into him and shyly requested a song. He pulled the sheet up over Cas, the air conditioning making it slightly chilly in the room, and began to sing softly.

Castiel relaxed into Dean, his husband's voice soothing him. He didn't know what was wrong. Just sad, perhaps. He just knew he felt a lot better with Dean's presence. He sang along quietly, harmonizing and backing Dean up vocally. The song was 'everything' by Michael Bublé and it was so smooth and calming Castiel couldn't stop smiling just from how relaxed he felt by the whole scenario.

Dean gently stroked the back of Castiel's neck with his fingertips as he sang to him, knowing how soothing that simple touch was. Dean loved the way Castiel's voice melted in with his, and he kept singing in a soft, mellow tone

Castiel stopped singing after a while. He just listened to Dean sing, soothing him into sleep. He didn't remember falling asleep, it'd happened so quickly. He remained that way until the early hours of the following morning when he awoke with a start, breathing quickly, looking around the room with wide eyes. He looked down to see Dean asleep and he felt himself calm down soon enough just knowing Dean was safe beside him. His nightmares weren't as regular was they used to be but he still got them from time to time.

Dean fell asleep a few minutes after Cas did, and slept lightly throughout most of the night. He woke up slightly when Cas stirred and tensed, and he frowned and held onto Cas tighter, not opening his eyes. He mumbled something incoherently and sighed, already drifting back to sleep.

Dean wanted him to sleep but Castiel couldn't, not after dreaming of Lucifer. So he just let Dean hold him tightly and watched as his husband slept until morning. Around 7:30am, he decided to slip out of bed and go for a run. To burn off some of this unwanted negative energy he seemed to be carrying. He left Dean a little note just in case he woke up. 'Gone for a run. Back soon 3'

Dean woke up around 8 in the morning to find the bed empty and a note on the pillow beside him. He read it and then stretched tiredly, wondering when Cas had left. He decided to get up a few minutes later and make coffee, and he cooked some eggs and bacon for when Cas got back, and left it warming on a plate in the oven so it wouldn't get cold. He hoped Cas was feeling better today. Running usually put him in a good mood.

Castiel came back forty minutes later, sweaty and pleasantly exhausted. He felt better after running and was ready to have what he hoped would be a better day with Dean. He showered quickly before heading back downstairs where he could smell food, presumably from where Dean had been cooking. He found some food in the oven and took into the other room where Dean was currently sat.

Dean was in the kitchen when Cas came back, and he headed straight upstairs. Within a minute Dean could hear the shower running, and he cleaned up the kitchen and went to sit down in the living room after preparing two cups of coffee, one for him and the other just the way Cas liked it. A few minutes later Cas joined him. "Have a good run?" He asked, noticing the way Castiel's eyes seemed to have lit up, and he looked much better.

"Yeah," he answered softly, kissing Dean's cheek in thanks and sat down, eating the gorgeous breakfast Dean had cooked for him. "I'm sorry about last night," he apologised gently. "I don't know what was wrong. I just felt sad. I can't really explain it but I feel better now." He smiled a little before beginning to eat his meal, enjoying Dean's company.

Dean nudged Castiel gently with his foot once he'd sat down. "Don't apologize, baby. It's alright. I'm just glad you're feeling better." Dean took a bite of his toast and smiled over at Cas. "When did you say you wanted to look for apartments? We can go in the daytime on a weekday when the club's not busy."

Castiel smiled a little, taking a sip of his orange juice. "Mm, some time this week. If we can," he said with a shrug. "Jimmy'll be heading off soon so we can look for apartments and mom can sell the house when she's got time." He sighed, leaning back against his chair. "I think maybe we should look for a place in New York," he said quickly. "I know I might not get the job but there are so many more opportunities for us out there."

Dean finished off his toast and looked at Cas thoughtfully. "I think that's a good idea..." he agreed, "We need to be smart about it, though. Apartments are really expensive in New York and we don't want to live in a dump. If we're going to be staying in the city we'll need to get a good place." Dean smiled dreamily and stretched. "Are you excited? I am."

Castiel grinned, nodding excitedly. "You bet your sweet ass I am!" He took another bite of his toast and hummed happily. "This is going to be great, Dean. Oh husband of mine! It's a new chapter in our lives. We'll get to see more of the world. We'll be accepted up there. We can be ourselves." He reached for Dean hand and grinned. "No more hiding. No more fear. We can be free."

Dean squeezed Castiel's hand happily and grinned back at him. "We'll have to choose a good neighborhood to raise kids in," He said excitedly, "Or maybe we could move into a house in the suburbs when the time is right. I don't know if a big city like that is the best place for kids to grow up in."

It took three months but they did it. They'd finally pack up and moved to New York. Jimmy had moved to France. Balthazar was house keeping until their mom could come back to sell it. They'd started renting an apartment just on the outskirts of the city. It was cheaper there but not too far to go into the city for work. For the meantime, they'd just settled on a one bedroom apartment, seeing how things went before actually buying a place to settle down in. "And there's a bar just ten minutes away. You could totally get a job there," Castiel said as he unpacked a box, putting clothes away in the bedroom.

Dean was exploring the kitchen, seeing how much cupboard room they had left. The one thing they'd forgotten to bring, idiotically, was silverware, but they could easily buy some inexpensive silverware. "Yeah, I want to check it out." He called back, smiling to himself as he turned the gas on the stove and a flame immediately ignited. He turned it off again and looked around contentedly. It wasn't the best, but it was good enough for now. The utilities all worked, and the rent was low. The neighbors had been very curious, but they were friendly and accepting.

"And I've got my audition next week," Castiel said with a grin. "If I don't get that..I think I saw a few strip clubs around, not too far from here." He unpacked another box and stopped dead, carefully taking out the books. He didn't remember packing these. Dean must have done it. He flipped through one of the books, seeing old photographs of Dean and his family. Before his mom died. Had Dean kept these hidden for a reason? He felt guilty for finding them if Dean hadn't wanted him to. "Oh," he breathed, curiosity getting the better of him as he still flipped through the books.

Dean wandered curiously over to the small living room where Castiel was unpacking boxes, and his eyes lit up when he saw that Cas had found his old photo albums. He'd been hesitant to bring them, because they'd been in the attic at his old house for years and it felt strange moving them, but he was glad he'd brought them. He came up behind Castiel and wrapped his arms around his waist, leaning his chin on Castiel's shoulder as looked down at the books. "She was pregnant with Sam in that one," Dean explained softly, pointing to a picture of his parents, both smiling. Mary's belly was swollen and a four year old Dean with a blond bowl cut was grinning excitedly at the camera, his chubby little hand on his mother's pregnant belly.

Castiel chuckled softly, leaning back against Dean as the other embraced him. "I've never seen these before," he prodded lightly, looking at the photo Dean pointed out to him. "Damn boy, look at that blond hair. You could be one of the Backstreet Boys with hair like that," he teased, laughing as he turned the page, seeing a photo of John holding a young Dean on his knee whilst he opened a Christmas present. It was weird. John looked..different. Like he actually cared back then.

Most of these photos were just distant, foggy memories. Seeing them made Dean remember brief moments, but it was more like a dream. "They were in my attic," he said with a little shrug, kissing Castiel's neck affectionately. "I haven't looked at them since I was fourteen. I thought it would be a good idea to take them with us." He huffed defensively at Castiel's comment about his hair and watched as he turned the page to a happy moment between father and son. Dean's smile faded when he saw that picture. He hardly recognized either of them; they looked like strangers.

Castiel hummed in understanding. There was a tension between both of them. Both were thinking the same thing but neither wanted to say anything. So Castiel just turned the page and saw a photo of Mary. "Oh, she's beautiful," Castiel smiled, examining the photo carefully. "She has your eyes," he commented happily.

Dean let out a small relieved breath when Castiel turned the page to a picture of his mother. He smiled sadly and hugged Cas a little tighter. "She is beautiful," he agreed softly. It was strange how he could see himself in his mother's face. It wasn't like looking in a mirror, but there were definitely similar features. When Dean was a little boy he'd had blond hair, but it had darkened as he got older.

Castiel smiled softly. "She's got those cute little freckles too," he noted. "It's..surreal just how much you look like her." He turned his head to kiss Dean briefly. "I wish I could have met her. She sounds amazing." He flipped through the book and snorted out a laugh at a photo of Dean crying covered in ice-cream. "Aww, you poor thing," he said, trying not to laugh.

Dean nodded in agreement and sighed wistfully. "Wish she could've seen us get married," he murmured sadly. He chuckled at the picture of himself crying with ice cream, and he grinned widely. "I remember that," he said, "It was before Sam was born. Mom and Dad took me to the zoo and it was really hot out, I guess I was cranky. My ice cream melted everywhere and then I tripped and fell and landed on my ice cream. It wasn't a good day."

Castiel couldn't help but laugh. "Aww, that's so sad," he said, smiling over the adorable young boy. "Oh, this one is cute," he said, pointing at one with Dean holding Sam as a baby. The look on Dean's face said it all. He truly loved Sam. He'd do anything to protect. Be the best brother he could be. "Sam's still pretty big even as a baby."

Dean gazed down at the picture Cas was pointing to and nodded in agreement. "Yeah. Poor Mom, right?" He joked. The look on little Dean's face was so proud, and he was holding baby Sam carefully and expertly. "When Mom started going into labor, I was dropped off at the neighbor's house. An older couple, they moved out a few years after Sam was born. Went down to Florida, probably. I was stuck in that weird-smelling house for three days and two nights."

Castiel grinned, flicking through the pages as Dean spoke. It was nice, listening to Dean's past life. Honestly he'd never heard much about it but with John involved, he'd never been keen to listen before. "Oh, and here's my baby," Castiel beamed happily, pointing to another photo of Dean as a kid dressed up on Halloween as a cowboy. "You're freaking adorable!"

"That was my favorite Halloween!" Dean exclaimed happily. "I was seven and Sam was three." Sam was dressed up as a firefighter, looking slightly bewildered and holding a plastic pumpkin full of candy. Mary was crouched down on the ground beside Sammy, saying something to him and smiling widely. Dean could almost hear her voice.

"Aww, that's sweet. You boys look so happy," he hummed. The photos weren't stuck to the page they were held on with corner pieces, making it easy for Castiel to take the photo off the page and hold it carefully in his hand. "Can we frame this? Or put it on the refrigerator or something? This is such a sweet image of you all."

Dean nodded and carefully took the picture from Cas to look at it and try to guess the size. "Yeah, I think we should frame it, if you really want to. We need to save the fridge for our kids' art projects and school papers." He grinned at Cas and leaned forward for a slow kiss, resting his hand on Castiel's belly. "I can feel the baby kicking," he said playfully, before kneeling on the ground in front of Castiel and resting his ear against his stomach. "Oh, wait. That's just your stomach rumbling."

Castiel felt a warmth surge through him. Imagining having children who would create art for them to display. The moment was gone, however, when Dean insulted him. He snorted out a laugh, shoving Dean's shoulder and pinned him to the carpeted floor. "You ass," he chuckled fondly, pouting at Dean as he shifted to straddle Dean properly.

Dean laughed freely when Cas shoved him to the floor and looked up at him with a sly grin as Cas straddled him. "Oh, looks like someone's hungry," he drawled, putting his arms up over his head on the ground as he gazed up at Cas. He loved this, the playful flirting that they always did, and he was so excited that they were beginning a new chapter of their lives.

Castiel rolled his eyes, swatting Dean's chest with his hand. "Behave," he warned with a teasing smirk. "Or I will have to punish you." He pressed his hand firmly against Dean's chest, feeling his heart beat before moving his hand away. He loved playing around with Dean like this. It was lighthearted and fun and everything Castiel had wanted through his teens. Maybe he was getting it late but better late than never.

Dean grinned slyly and, in one fluid movement, he freed one of his legs from Castiel's grasp and wrapped it around his waist, flipping Cas onto his back so Dean was on top with Cas pinned to the floor. "Oh really?" He teased, leaning down and bumping his nose against Castiel's, both hands pinning Castiel's wrists to the floor by his head. "What are you gonna do about it?" He nipped playfully at Castiel's lips and tickled his neck with his nose.

Castiel grunted when they were flipped over. He struggled in Dean's grip before giving up. "Nothing," he said in annoyance. "I'll just..watch you unpack the rest of the boxes and lie here with my babies because you're not gettin' any until this place is clean and tidy," he smirked.

Dean rolled his eyes and sat back on Castiel's hips a little, loosening his grip on the other's wrists. "Not fair, Cas. I'm not your cute little housewife." He stood up and pulled Cas to his feet. "Help me and we'll get it done sooner and then we can do whatever we want, huh?" He murmured with a smile.

Castiel laughed a little, getting to his feet and wrapped his arms around Dean's waist. "No. You're my sexy little housewife," he murmured, nipping Dean's lips. "Alright, babe. I'll help you but I might get distracted by that toned ass of yours," he smirked, patting Dean's ass before heading back to the boxes with Dean's photo albums in.

Dean grinned and patted Castiel's ass as he walked by. "Yeah, same to you, cupcake," he teased, bending over and intentionally providing his husband with a clear view of his ass, legs parted. He pretended to be sorting through some boxes.

Castiel looked over to Dean to ask him where he wanted to put the photo albums only to get a great view of his husband's ass. He laughed, dashing onto his knees and crawled over to Dean, pressing his face to the back of Dean's thigh, skimming his hands up his legs. "You little shit," he muttered affectionally, looking at Dean with a smirk. "How am I supposed to ignore you looking like this, hmm?"


	67. Chapter 67

Dean laughed at Castiel's touches and bent over even more to look at him upside down from between his legs. He lost his balance and stumbled to the side, still laughing, and he turned around to ruffle Castiel's hair affectionately. "Then pay attention to me, silly," he replied, rolling his eyes and kissing the tip of Castiel's nose. "I can be much more distracting, you know."

Castiel snorted out a laugh as Dean fell over and he crawled up to his side to have Dean kiss his nose. He made a face and scowled at Dean. "I don't want to be distracted," he protested lightly. "I want to finish unpacking this place first." He managed to get to his feet and looked around at the remaining boxes. "Once that's done then, and _only _then, will I christen our new bed by fucking you so hard into it you won't be able to walk for days," he said casually, picking up some clothes out of a box and put them into a dresser draw.

Dean's eyes widened at Castiel's promise and he grinned brightly. "I'm looking forward to it," he said enthusiastically, standing up and stretching tiredly. His arms were a bit sore from carrying furniture and boxes down the hall into the apartment, but the hard work was over and now they had the tedious task of putting everything where it needed to go.

Castiel just smirked but Dean couldn't see as he had his back to him. He kept putting things away and left Dean to get on with whatever he was doing. Once all the boxes were unpacked, he piled the boxes in the living room, making a fort out of them to lie beneath. What apartment was complete without your very own box fort.

Dean was just finishing up putting some things away in the kitchen, and he carried the boxes into the living room to find Castiel underneath a pile of boxes, with just his feet poking out. Dean smiled softly and went back into the kitchen to mix them some drinks, and he brought them back crawled under the fort with Cas. "Here's to our new home," He toasted, raising his glass to Castiel.

Castiel grinned when Dean finally joined him under the fort with a drink. He took his glass and clinked it against Dean's lightly before taking a sip. "I can't believe we really live here," he beamed excitedly, wiggling his toes. "We're adults now. I'll be twenty two soon. Times moving quickly, babe," he mused, taking another sip of his drink. "The only thing missing from this place now is our babies. Are they hiding somewhere?"

Dean grinned and patted his own stomach. "Not born yet, babe." He joked, taking a sip of his drink. He leaned over and nudged his nose lightly against Castiel's shoulder, sighing contentedly. "This is really incredible," he murmured, closing his eyes. "Our own place, finally. This is ours, Cas!"

Castiel frowned, looking at Dean's stomach and snorted. "I meant the cats, babe," he laughed, rolling his eyes affectionately. "I know! It's so surreal," he grinned, setting his drink to the side along with Dean's so he could wrap his arms around the other man. "I'm yours and you are mine and this is our place. Our home."

Dean laughed and leaned into Castiel's familiar body. A curious mew came from outside the fort and Dean looked over his shoulder and saw Panda looking into the opening with wide eyes, sniffing the air uncertainly. Dean held out his hand to her and meowed back, and she chirped at him and pounced into the cardboard fort. "The kids seem to like it too,"

Castiel chuckled, reaching out to pet Panda as she bounded towards them. "I'm glad," he said gently, tickling under her chin. "I was so worried the move would be too much for them." He kissed Dean's cheek and sighed, watching as Panda moved to the side and found a comfy spot in the corner beneath the fort.

Dean grinned and laid down on his back, stretching his arms over his head and yawning, his drink sitting beside him on the floor. The carpet was actually pretty soft and clean and didn't smell gross. "Yeah," he agreed quietly, "So... your audition's in a week, are you ready?" Dean smiled proudly over at Cas and stroked Panda absently. The other two cats were still exploring their new home and hadn't discovered the box fort yet.

Castiel shrugged lightly, "I think so. I'm really nervous though. I haven't auditioned for something like this before. It should be fun." He kissed Dean briefly before getting his husband to roll over so he could straddle him and kiss him properly. "I'll start looking into other jobs though, just in case. I know we've got enough money to cover our asses this month but I don't want to risk not finding work, you know?"

Dean smiled lazily up at Cas and tilted his head up to meet his kisses halfway, closing his eyes and humming softly with pleasure. His hands rested at Castiel's hips and he hooked his fingers into the belt loops to keep Castiel close, a warm weight on top of him. "Yeah, good idea," He murmured, stealing another kiss. "I'm going to go to that bar nearby and check it out, see if it's a place where I'd work and ask for a job."

Castiel nodded. "Sounds like a plan." He kissed Dean again and hummed contently. "As for now.." he began, a small smirk tugging at his lips. "I do believe we have a date with this new bed of ours," he grinned, wiggling his eyebrows as he kissed Dean again, laughing a little to himself.

Dean grinned and took another sip of his drink before sitting up a little and biting lightly at Castiel's lower lip, dragging his teeth across the sensitive skin teasingly. "That's right," he agreed slyly, sliding his hand up Castiel's shirt and smirking up at him.

Castiel chuckled, sliding off of Dean and got to his feet. He took Dean's hand and helped him up, taking him into the bedroom. By this point, the other two kittens had found them and were scampering along the floor towards them. They were unnoticed, however as Castiel pulled Dean into a kiss as he closed the bedroom door behind them, causing honey to smack into the door before she could stop herself after running at full speed.

The next morning, Dean woke up pleasantly warm and comfortable in their new bed, wrapped up in Castiel's arms. He smiled lazily and stretched, sighing into Castiel's shoulder and inhaling his scent. "Morning," he mumbled, kissing Castiel's jaw and smiling against the warm skin there. "First night in our new bed in our new home."

Castiel awoke the next morning with a content grin on his face. "It sure is," he hummed excitedly. For the next week, things stayed the same. He and Dean would wake up in excitement for their new home and spend the day together fixing their new place up to the way they wanted it. Eventually, Castiel's audition came around and he was in the centre of the city, waiting around the main hall of one of the theatres to do his audition.

On the day of Castiel's audition, Dean decided to go looking for a job at the bars in the city. He'd had three successful interviews but one place really stood out to him; Blue Moon Luxury Adult Lounge. It was classy and modern, and the bar was well-equipped with more than enough top-of-the-line supplies, and it was the largest, most popular strip club in the eastern part of New York. It was twenty minutes away, which wasn't too far, and Dean really liked the atmosphere of the club. It was luxurious but not snobby, and well-maintained and decorated nicely. They had nine female dancers and seven male dancers, and the crowd in the club was a pretty equal mix of men and women. Dean had already signed his application and talked to the owner, and he had a really good feeling about it.

Castiel had waited around for twenty minutes until he was suddenly jumped from behind. He stumbled, struggling to keep the person from falling on them completely. When he turned around he saw Jesse standing there. "Holy shit!" he beamed, pulling the man into tight hug. "Jesse I haven't seen you in forever, how are you doing?" Jesse returned the hug, laughing happily. "Good, man. Got an audition to act in the show. Guess you got one for dancin' huh, sugar?" Castiel nodded and couldn't stop smiling. "Yeah. Me and Dean live up here now. Figured there'd be more work going." Jesse nodded, patting Castiel's shoulder. "Absolutely. I've got to go. I just wanted to come over here and wish you luck. Give me a call. We'll have lunch when you're settled, yeah?" Castiel nodded and watched Jesse leave with a group of people who were called away to another part of the building. Castiel headed over to the group of dancers, ready to start the audition.

"Our other bartender moved down to Florida to take care of his mother," Mr. Roger Stanwick, the owner of the club, was saying to him. They were sitting in an modernly fancy office, the boss resting his elbows on the glass-top desk and leaning forward slightly as he spoke to Dean. Dean had worn a modestly tailored suit and made sure to look professional and mature. He nodded in understanding as Mr. Stanwick continued. "Just looking at your resume tells me that you are definitely in consideration for the job, Mr. Winchester. However, I can't guarantee that you'll be selected because there are several other eligible applicants for this position. But I will consider the options and let you know within the next few days. It was nice to meet you, Mr. Winchester." They both stood up and Dean smiled as he shook the man's hand firmly. This place was a bit out of Dean's league, much more expensive than he was accustomed to, but he really liked it and hoped he got hired. "Thank you, Mr. Stanwick," he replied easily, walking towards the door with Mr. Stanwick. Dean wasn't really sure about this guy, he seemed a little stiff and unfriendly, but he was a rich businessman with a lot of money and he was probably used to getting what he wanted. During the entire interview, Dean had been debating about whether he should mention Cas as a potential dancer in the club, but he decided against it because he didn't know this man very well. Some people weren't so accepting, and Dean didn't want to take any unnecessary risks.

Half an hour later and Castiel and the other dancers had learnt the routine for the audition. They were currently going through it again with the dancer co-ordinator and the director walking around, watching everyone and taking notes as they danced. After the song ended the director thanked them and said they'd let them know in the next couple of days whether they wanted to see them again or not.

After Dean was showed out of the office, he decided to spend a few minutes in the club just taking it in and trying to see if he'd fit in here. He went up to the bar and ordered a beer, eyeing the bartender curiously. The bar was very large and there were actually two tenders on duty, busy serving up drinks professionally. The one who brought Dean's drink over was a young Asian man with a lip piercing and gauges in both ears. He was wearing a black tee shirt with the Blue Moon logo on the front and his name on the left of his chest. 'Kevin' was embroidered with shiny blue thread. His arms were covered in sleeve tattoos of intricate designs, and he seemed quietly professional and somewhat shy, but he did shoot a friendly smile at a few girls who came up to the bar.

Castiel decided to wait for Jesse after his audition and the two went out to lunch shortly after. They caught up. Castiel told Jesse about Dean and their move up to New York and Jesse told him about his life with Jack. Apparently things had been going well for the couple. Jesse had been getting more acting work whilst Jack continued to work the music industry. Jesse was even going to surprise Jack next month by telling him he'd fund the money for him to start his own company. Castiel left after an hour, promising to call Jesse soon and returned home to feed his cats.

After spending some time in the bar just observing, Dean decided it was time to go home and relax after his busy day of job searching. When he got there, he found Cas sitting on the couch, still wearing his dance clothes. Dean beamed at him and announced, "Honey, I'm home!" as he walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch beside his husband. "Man, what a day," he sighed, "How was your audition?"

Castiel grinned tiredly when Dean announced himself. "Good. I think they liked me. I met Jesse there. I think he's in with a shot for a role too," he said with a smile, wrapping an arm around Dean. "How was the job search?" he asked with a smile, squeezing Dean's side lightly. "You look adorable in that suit, babe, I must say."

Dean smiled excitedly and kissed Castiel on the cheek with a proud expression. "It would be really nice if you guys both got in," he said, "What an amazing coincidence that you ran into him." Dean yawned tiredly and stretched his legs out to kick his shoes off and loosen his tie. "I had a pretty good day, there's this really nice club about twenty minutes away called Blue Moon Luxury Adult Lounge, it's pretty fancy and high-end and I think I might have a chance of getting hired."

Castiel smile widened. "That's great news," he praised, kissing Dean's cheek. "If you get in that'd be great! It's not that far away so you could probably get the bus to work, save on gas. Traffic is a nightmare in the city. I hadn't really thought about it until now. I guess there's somethings back home was good for, huh."

Dean nodded in agreement. "The driving took more time than the interviews," he muttered tiredly, "But yeah, if I get the job I'm definitely going to plan ahead and get a bus pass or something. Living in the city isn't exactly cheap, but we can do it." Dean smiled sleepily and picked up Honey as she wandered over.

Castiel hummed in agreement. "Maybe I should sell my motorbike. Get us some more cash?" he thought aloud before stroking beneath Honey's ear. "I don't know, babe. We'll see it through. Jesse and Jack are around, we can always ask them for advice on where to go that's cheap in the city. We should have dinner with them sometime next week. See how they're doing."

Dean nodded. "We should hang out with them," he agreed. "But don't worry about selling stuff just yet, we'll be careful with spending until we're more stable and until then we'll need to just be thrifty, I guess." Dean rubbed Honey's chest and she purred loudly, loving the attention that Dean and Cas were giving to her.

Castiel nodded in agreement. "I'll call them next week once we get settled, see if we can go see them..or get them to come here when Sam comes up. Have a little housewarming celebration?" he suggested with a soft smile as he leant against Dean, pressing his lips to his neck as he stroked Honey softly.

"Mmhm," Dean hummed, closing his eyes as Castiel's lips moved against his neck, and he melted into the couch comfortably. "Wanna order pizza for dinner tonight? Too tired to try and cook anything. We can treat ourselves just for this one night." Reasonably, Dean knew they couldn't afford to order food very often and had been living on cheap foods like cereal and soup for the past week.

Castiel shook his head. "Don't worry, babe. I'll cook us something," he said, getting to his feet with a tired sigh. "I think there's some pasta in the cupboard," he said absently, going into the kitchen to look for something to eat. He spent twenty minutes making them pasta before bringing it back into the other room so Dean didn't have to get up. "Here," he said, handing Dean a plate, pushing Honey aside so he could sit down.

Dean smiled gratefully at Cas and took his plate. "Thank you," he murmured tiredly, "I'll cook tomorrow, okay?" Dean began eating his pasta hungrily, the familiar taste of it calming him and making him content. He spent a few minutes eating and when he was finished he set his plate to the side and reached down to drag Castiel's feet into his lap so he could massage them for him. "Was the dancing hard?" He asked.

Castiel ate in companionable silence with Dean and set his plate down on the floor for Honey to sniff and lick at whilst Dean massaged his feet. "I wouldn't say it was hard but they showed us a routine and we had to learn it in like a half hour before the audition so that was hard to remember. Plus it's been a while since college so I feel a bit out of shape," he said closing his eyes and leaned back against the couch.

"Not hard for you, maybe," Dean praised, "I sure couldn't do it. I bet you were amazing, baby." Dean continued to gently massage Castiel's feet, feeling callouses from dance shoes through the socks. "I don't even know what show it is," Dean realized, "Is it a musical or like a dance performance?"

"It's a musical," he said with a hum, not opening his eyes. "Jesse enrolled for one of the acting parts and I auditioned for one of the dancing ones so like chorus and additional character stuff in the background," he shrugged. "It's pretty student friendly. The guy was saying they take on a lot of kids from after college."

Dean smiled and wrapped his hands around Castiel's ankle to continue massaging the tendons and joint. "Do I get to know what musical it is, or is it a secret?" He asked slyly, wondering what Castiel's routine would be. It would be really amazing to see him performing on a Broadway stage in New York.

"It's a secret," he said with a grin. "It's one of my favourite musicals and I don't want to get my hopes up by telling you." He pushed his foot a little against Dean's hands and sighed. "Damn that feels good," he hummed, grunting as Honey pounced to sit on his stomach. "Hey you, I'm not a couch," he pouted. Honey just looked at him with wide eyes, mewing softly.

Dean groaned exaggeratedly and kept rubbing Castiel's feet carefully, encouraged by Castiel's praise. "I can't wait to find out if you got in," he said softly, not wanting to guess and get Cas to reveal his secret if he didn't want to share it with Dean just yet. He grabbed Honey and put her paws on Castiel's feet, lifting them up and down in a kneading motion. Honey glared at Dean with an irritated expression and then meowed unhappily. Dean laughed and let her go.

Castiel let out a snort of a laugh as he watched Honey being used to play with his feet. "Aww, poor baby," he murmured as Honey ran back over to Castiel, curling up at his side. He kissed her head and stroked her fur sympathetically. "Did the mean old man try to make you do his job?"

Dean laughed at the annoyance on Honey's face when she stared at him, and he shrugged. "Sorry, kitty," he apologized, "I thought you'd want to make Dad's feet feel nice." Honey began licking her paws and ignored Dean, causing him to laugh again. "Cats are such little shits," he said in amusement, "But I love them."

Castiel laughed, stroking Honey a little more before putting his hand back over his stomach absently. "I like that," he said, looking up at Dean with a wide smile. "I think I like being a dad," he said with a nod. "I can't wait to be one either," he grinned, sitting up to kiss Dean. "You'd be a daddy, I think."

Dean smiled softly back at Cas and ran his fingers gently through his hair. "You seem like a dad," he agreed, picturing kids calling Castiel 'dad'. "And I'm daddy, that's sweet, I like it." Dean grinned and kissed Cas again. "I'm so excited, baby."

"Me too," Castiel hummed, kissing Dean back. "We'll have children of our own. Take 'em to the beach and teach 'em French. Show them the world for the first time. Isn't that incredible? Showing a human the first of something?"

"It is incredible," Dean murmured, looking into Castiel's eyes with wonder. Although it wasn't the traditional way of having kids, it was the best they could do because the traditional way wasn't possible for them, but it wouldn't be any different. The children would still be theirs and nothing would change that.

Castiel closed his eyes and sighed. He started gibbering in French absently about how life was going by so quickly. He laughed, peering over at Dean through one open eye. "Remember that poem you wrote? When we just sort of me? The one about cannibal ponies," he laughed, biting his lower lip. "I can't believe how much you've grown since then."

Dean watched Castiel mutter to himself in French, and he smiled softly as Castiel's lips moved easily around the words. Dean caught a few words here and there, but mostly he was content to listen to the sound of his husband's voice. "No, please don't remind me," he groaned, blushing deeply as he remembered the pony thing.

Castiel laughed, crawling to sit in Dean's lap. Honey mewed unhappily but curled up in the warm spot Castiel had just moved from. Castiel kissed Dean. "I think it's adorable," he chuckled, nuzzling against Dean's neck and pressed a lazy kiss to the skin. "You looked so proud of yourself until I told you what you'd said," he said, smiling sadly at Dean, playing with the man's hair.

Dean gazed back at Castiel, remembering the boy from back then. He looked different now, unbelievably so, and Dean was amazed at how far he'd come. "Yeah, well remember how nervous you were to play for me the first time?" Dean countered.

Castiel narrowed his eyes, poking Dean's chest. "Only because you disturbed me from my private time," he argued lightly. "Of course I was nervous." He smiled, kissing Dean. "You were such a good singer though. I honestly never expected that. I thought you were just going to make fun of me. I didn't expect...well, that."

Dean raised his eyebrows and squeezed Castiel's cheeks together. "I wasn't expecting you to have so many hidden talents," he replied, "Or that you'd be so good in bed." He pulled Castiel's face forward to leave a smacking kid on his lips and smirked smugly.

Castiel laughed, swatting his hands away. "I am getting better each time," he smirked, kissing Dean again. "I've also a great idea for our next time," he said, wiggling his eyebrows. "Buddy, you are not going to like it but I promise you the end result will have you coming harder than you ever have before. "

Dean looked at Cas suspiciously. "What is it?" He asked curiously, "And where do you get these ideas from. You're not reading Cosmopolitan, are you?" Dean leaned closer and kissed Castiel's jaw slowly. "I'm dying to find out what new tricks you've learned," he breathed seductively against Castiel's neck, kissing his skin again and trailing his lips along his husband's jaw.

"I've been on the internet," he said with a smirk, leaning into Dean's touches. "I only read Cosmopolitan if someone leaves it on the bus or at the doctors, Dean. It's too expensive to buy," he said, pecking Dean's lips. "I have a couple new toys ordered," he chuckled, playing with Dean's hair. "Starting from now..we're not going to have sex for at least a month."

Dean stared at Cas in disbelief and shook his head. "At least a month?" He echoed, "What did I do to deserve this? Cas, that's just cruel. Cruel and unusual punishment, especially since I have nothing to be punished for!"

Castiel chuckled, kissing Dean's lips. "Don't worry, babe," he said, stroking Dean's hair. "It'll be worth it. I intend on using the last weekend of that month completely in bed." He slid off of Dean's lap and bent over to pick up Panda, presenting his ass to Dean before standing up, holding Panda. "Let's just hope you can keep to yourself until then." He went to walk away before adding, "Oh and no masterbating. I'll know if you've been cheating."

Dean glared at Cas an nudged his ass with his foot. "You're a little shit, you know that?" He muttered. "Fine, I'll do it but only if you do too, Cas. And it better be amazing, whatever you're planning. I'm not used to not having sex at least twice a week."

Castiel laughed. "Of course I will," he pouted, stroking Panda behind the ear. "It wouldn't be any fun otherwise." He paused and thought for a moment. "Okay, maybe just two weeks. With your hormones that's probably all we'll need," he mused. Dean would probably die if he couldn't at least masterbate for a month.

Dean considered the option and then nodded. "Alright, that's reasonable," he agreed. "Two weeks of no sexual acts, it's a deal." He held out his hand for Castiel to shake, looking at him seriously. "This was your idea, so no backing out," he said, mock-threateningly. Two weeks would be a bit of a challenge, but it was worth whatever Cas had planned.

Castiel smirked, shaking Dean's hand. "Please," he said rolling his eyes. "I can handle two weeks no problem. It's you I'm worried about." He went back to Panda, stroking behind her ear. "Gonna give you a bath," he murmured, kissing her forehead. "Dean would you get the other two for me? I feel like we should wash their fur seeing as they're gonna be house cats from now on."

Dean groaned and stood up, watching as Cas picked up Panda and carried her into the bathroom. "This should be fun," he muttered, and then went into the bedroom to find Honey sleeping curled up on the bed. He looked under the bed and found Pepper, the shyest of the three, and coaxed her out. She mewed in protest when he picked her up, but he tucked her under one arm and grabbed Honey with the other hand and joined Cas and Panda in the bathroom.

Castiel didn't want to wash the cats either but it needed to be done. He poured a small amount of water into the bathtub and set Panda down in it despite her protests he managed to get her to sit still long enough for him to rub soap into her fur before carefully washing it away with the water. Panda scratched him as he tried to wash away the soap beneath her chin but Castiel persisted until she was clean. "Okay, Panda's done. I'll help you with Pepper in a moment, Dean."

Dean watched in amusement as he set the other two cats down in the bathroom. Honey hopped onto the edge of the tub and looked curiously down at Panda as she was bathed. The poor cat looked absolutely miserable, and Dean wasn't looking forward to bathing the other two, especially Pepper. She wasn't as friendly as the other two cats and kept mostly to herself. "Here, Panda," Dean said, cautiously approaching the pissed off, dripping wet cat with a towel. He picked her up and began to gently rub her dry, avoiding her claws.

Castiel pouted at Dean. "No. Sure. You get the easy job," he complained lightly, grabbing Honey and sat her carefully in the bathtub. "Fuck off, Honey," he snapped as the cat tried to claw him. He managed to clean her with minimal scratching before handing her to Dean to dry with a towel. He just stared at Pepper. "Nope. Not doing you. You can clean yourself missy," he protest.

Panda struggled and meowed angrily and finally escaped Dean's arms, walking over to sit in front of the closed door. She was growling unhappily and she shook herself before licking her paws and grooming her fur back down. Dean then dried off Honey and scrubbed her dry as well, and she hissed at him before he put her down and began grooming herself. "Alright, Pepper, let's do this," He muttered, picking her up and holding her in his arms. He stroked her soothingly and then slowly lowered her into the bathtub, which she immediately tried to escape. "I'll hold her and you do the washing."

Castiel sighed, getting more soap and started washing Pepper. "Oh my God, stop it," Castiel scolded as she tried to bite him. "Jesus, she is a pain in the ass." They finally managed to wash her and dry her before opening the bathroom door to which all three cats scampered away as fast as they could. Castiel rolled his eyes, looking at his scratched arms. He pouted at Dean. "Kiss it better? Oh wait, you can't," he smirked, walking away with a triumphant grin on his face.

Dean's sympathetic gaze quickly turned into an unimpressed glare, and he dried off his hands with the towel. He hadn't been scratched or bitten, because Castiel's job was the most dangerous, and he caught the back of Castiel's shirt and twirled him around to drag him back to the bathroom. "Sit," he instructed, pointing to the closed toilet lid. He examined Castiel's arms and then grabbed some disinfectant and little bandages for the worst ones.

Castiel sighed, sitting on toilet and let Dean fixed his hands. The fact they were in the bathroom with Dean fixing him was an eerily similar scenario for them. It'd happened way too often. Thankfully, it was just cat scratches on his wrists this time. "Thanks," he said quietly, biting his lower lip.

Dean's expression turned more serious when he caught the expression on Castiel's face, and he sighed sadly when he realized they were both thinking of the same thing. Dean gently patched up the minor scratches and held Castiel's hands for a moment when he was done. "No problem," he said back, looking up at Cas as he kneeled in front of him on the bathroom floor. It was amazing how many times they'd been in this position, but never for something as trivial and simple as cat scratches.

Castiel swallowed thickly, laughing a little. "Okay, maybe we can kiss," he said quietly. "I really fucking need it right now," he said, voice wavering as he tried to keep it together, sliding off the toilet seat to sit in Dean lap and hug him tightly. This was their new place. He'd thought maybe, just maybe he could leave the bad memories behind. That obviously wasn't going to happen.

Dean said nothing as he pulled Castiel into his arms and hugged him close, pressing a kiss to the shell of his ear. "It's alright, Cas," he whispered, wrapping his arms around Cas more tightly. After a moment he gently pushed Cas back a little and held his face carefully in his hands, stroking Castiel's cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. "I love you," he murmured, staring into Castiel's eyes before slowly leaning in until their lips met.

Castiel sighed, leaning into Dean's touch. "I love you too," he whispered when their lips parted. "I'm sorry," he said, burying his face into Dean's shoulder. "I thought everything would change," he said quietly. "I didn't really want to think about the fact that there's some things that are stuck with us for life."

Dean combed his fingers through Castiel's hair and sighed, gazing absently at the wall as Cas leaned into his shoulder. "I know, baby," he said softly, "And a lot of things have changed, for the better. We have so much going for us right now and we need to make the best of every opportunity we have. Yeah, there's some things that we can't just forget about, but it makes what we have here stronger."

Castiel looked up from Dean's shoulder, pulling away enough to meet Dean's eyes. "Thanks," he said softly. He kissed Dean again, lingering for a moment as he rested their foreheads together. "I'm so glad I have you," he whispered. "Look at me.. I can't even wash my kittens without breaking down," he said with a small chuckle as a tear slipped down his cheek.

Dean kissed the tears away from Castiel's face and smiled sadly. "I know that the past hurts, but we have so much to be happy about now," Dean whispered. "You've got me and I have you. We have a home, jobs, the cats, freedom and independence, and soon we'll have children. We have so much more than we did." Dean kissed Castiel's nose gently and held him for a moment longer.

Castiel smiled, kissing Dean's cheek. "You're so nice," he hummed, wiping his face with the back of his hand. "I'm glad I kept you around," he teased, nipping Dean's lips again before shuffling to get to his feet. "Alright. You wanna watch Monsters Inc or Thor tonight?" he asked with a grin. "We don't have good cable anymore so the movie channels aren't an option so this is what we've got to choose from tonight."

Dean's lips stretched into a wider smile and he stood up with Cas and hugged him once more. "Monsters Inc?" Dean asked, wrapping his arms around Castiel's waist and turning him around so Castiel's back was to Dean's chest and his chin was resting on Castiel's shoulder. They shuffled into the living room like that and Dean plopped them down onto the couch with Cas directly on top of his lap, holding him tightly so Cas couldn't get up. "We're still allowed to cuddle, right?"

Castiel laughed as Dean made him awkwardly waddle into the main room like a pair of weird penguins attached at the sides. He set in Dean's lap and wriggled until he was comfortable, looking over his shoulder at Dean with a smirk. "I don't know. With you being so adorable I might not be able to take my hands off you," he teased, kissing Dean's nose. He grabbed for the remote and turned on the TV and put on the right channel for the movie which started in a few minutes.

Dean grunted in slight discomfort as Cas squirmed in his lap, and he shifted to get comfortable, keeping his arms wrapped around his husband's waist. "You're heavy," he complained as Cas switched the TV on, "Must be all that muscle. This would be so much easier on me if you were still a skinny little teenage boy."

Castiel grinned, moving himself so he sat on the couch but kept his legs swung over Dean's lap. "I'm a man now," he said in a low voice, grinning idiotically. "Gotta protect my woman," he said, grunting and pretending to be the dominant man. He poked Dean's face before kissing him, full of warmth and laughter.

Dean rolled his eyes and shoved Cas away playfully. "You may be a man, but you'll always be my little bitch," Dean said lovingly, looking at Cas with exaggeratedly adoring eyes. He pinched Castiel's cheek and then messed up his hair before pulling him close and planting a kiss on his temple. The movie began, and the two of them settled into each other, content and comfortable in their home.

About two weeks later, the morning after Castiel's sex experiment, Dean was pleasantly exhausted and sore. His muscles ached and he'd been twisted into positions he didn't think he was capable of, but the wait had been worth it. Castiel had done well in his audition and gotten a big dancing part in Grease, and Dean was on his 8th day of work in the Blue Moon. "Rehearsal won't be too hard for you, will it? I don't know about you but I feel like I just ran a marathon and then climbed a mountain."

Castiel chuckled, setting away his toys. Definitely worth the wait, he thought to himself. "I'll be fine. I'll sleep tonight, that's for sure," he smirked, getting ready to go to his first day of rehearsals. They'd gone to dinner with Jesse and Jack last week and he was excited to meet up with Jesse again. He'd gotten into the show too so at least he'd know someone there. That made the whole experience a little less frightening.

Dean stretched, wincing slightly. "I'm proud of you," he praised softly after a moment, watching Cas get dressed and ready to go to his rehearsal. He didn't want to get up just yet, reluctant to leave the warm blankets and comfortable mattress, but he needed to do a little grocery shopping before work at five. "Tell Jesse I say hi,"

"Will do," he said, grabbing his bag before moving back to the bed to kiss Dean briefly before heading out the door. When he got there, Jesse was already talking with his main cast of actors so Castiel just hung back nervously, looking for where he was supposed to be. He saw a woman with dark brown hair, almost black in colour standing around. He recognised her from the auditions and decided to go introduce himself. "Hi. I'm Castiel..I think I remember seeing you audition for dancing a couple weeks back. Do you know where we're supposed to be?"

Pamela smiled when a handsome young man came up and introduced himself. "I'm Pamela," she replied, shaking his hand. "Castiel, huh? I think I remember you from auditions. To be honest, I'm not really sure what's going on. I just moved here from California and I don't know anyone." Pamela had been trained in dancing her entire life and was eager to get to know people in a new group of performers. "I don't know, it looks like a lot of people aren't here yet."

Castiel shook her hand and smiled. "Wow, you're a long way from home," he commented. "Me and my husband just moved up from Kansas, actually. I don't really know anyone either except a few people from college." He looked around and shrugged. "I'm sure there'll be someone to tell us what to do soon. I think they're sorting out the main cast out first."

Pamela nodded in interest and adjusted her dance bag on her shoulder, reaching into it to grab a water bottle and take a sip. "So what brings you guys to the Big Apple? It must be a huge change from Kansas. Were you overwhelmed at first?" Pamela smiled playfully and took another sip of water. She'd always been outgoing and vivacious, and was happy to have already met somebody.

"Not really," Castiel answered with a shrug. "I mean, I went to college here so the transaction between the two has been kinda gradual. We decided to move because there's better work opportunities for us up here." He set his bag down and smiled at Pamela. "How about yourself? Must be a big difference between here and California. What made you wanna come here?"

"Ahh, right," Pamela said in understanding. "New York City, land of opportunities. It's not really that different from California, actually. Just the weather. And, believe it or not, the rent's a lot cheaper here. I lived in LA so I'm used to the city thing. I've heard it actually snows here, though. Not sure how I feel about that." She grinned and shrugged a little. "What does your husband do? I'm assuming you're a dancer, because, well, you're here."

Castiel was glad he was making new friends. This girl was so easy to talk to he was sure they'd get along great. "Yeah, although I've been working as a stripper for like the last year. It's going to take some getting used to being a serious dancer again," he chuckled. "My husband, Dean, he's a bartender. Just got a job at Blue Moon," he said proudly. He wasn't ashamed of what they did.

Pamela smiled and patted Castiel's arm, impressed. "Hey, that sounds really fun!" She exclaimed, "I've heard amazing things about the Blue Moon. My older sister bartends too, back home in LA. Stripping is pretty awesome. Do you pole dance?" Pamela glanced to the side of the stage where a man was handing out scripts to all the actors, and people were standing around flipping through them with interest. "We should probably go grab one of those," she said.

Castiel smiled, happily. He was glad she didn't care and was open minded. He really liked her and they'd be working close for the next year he didn't want this to be an issue between them. "Yeah," he agreed, picking up his bag and headed with Pamela to go get a script. A few other dancers had arrived as well as the girl Castiel remembered from auditions who showed them the steps.

Pamela got her script and started flipping through the pages, and she was relieved there weren't too many lines for her role. She'd gotten the role of Cha-Cha DiGregorio, the obnoxious dancer girl who was only in a few scenes, but she was also Dancer 3 in many of the scenes and chorus. "You could easily be Danny Zuko," Pamela said thoughtfully, looking up at Castiel with a friendly smirk. "Dark hair and blue eyes like John Travolta."

Castiel grinned, spinning on his heel before bending over slightly. He looked over his shoulder seductively. "I think I'm more of a Sandy. The slutty virgin," he smirked, pouting a little before standing up properly again. "I look good in a catsuit too," he laughed, flicking through the script. He was just a chorus dancer for most of it but the script would come in handy for him to get to know his cues.

Pamela laughed and slapped Castiel's arm playfully. "I'm sure you pull that off well," she chuckled. "I think Cats is coming sometime next spring, if you're interested in trying out." She smiled teasingly and then turned to her pages in the script, but the stage director was standing on a wooden crate and clapping his hands for attention. The crowd quieted down and turned to him, and he smiled at all of them. "Many of you know me, but for those who do not, I am Oliver Burns, Stage Director. Welcome, all of you talented people. Congratulations for being cast in Grease!" A collective cheer went up around the large group.

Castiel laughed, shrugging. He'd never seen Cats but he'd heard a lot of reviews about it. Maybe he should give it a shot. He listened to the director introducing himself and telling them what they were going to be doing today. They were going to start with a group scene seeing as everyone was here today. They'd work on the big numbers and then split off into groups to work on smaller scenes with particular directors or dancer co-ordinators.

"Alright, any questions? Take your places for scene eight!" Oliver called, and everybody found the right page in their scripts for the scene and began to move around the stage expertly, finding the correct places. Pamela knew what to do; they'd start with the line reading and then the backtrack to the songs would be played for the singers to get a feel of singing while moving around the stage and following cues.

Castiel had done a few gigs but nothing as high profiled as this. Thankfully he found Jesse, another greaser and stuck with him as they'd be playing Danny's friends. He gave him a subtle smile and a wink before the director got the actors to start rolling through the scene. It was a long day but by the end of it they'd all managed to go through scene 8 and 5 and have a basic understanding of where they needed to stand and what to do as the scenes progressed. After they called a wrap, Castiel went out with Jesse, Pamela and a few others for drinks as a way to get to know everyone and celebrate their first day.

It was Pamela's idea to go to the Blue Moon. It wasn't far from the theatre they'd had rehearsal at and Pam was eager to meet Dean even though she'd only known Castiel for a day. The three of them walked in together and Pamela paused to look around in amazement at the fancy club. They made their way over to the bar and sat on three empty stools. It wasn't too busy, being a Monday night.

"Dean works here?" Jesse asked in disbelief. "Your Dean?"

Castiel frowned, swatting at Jesse's hand when he pointed not so subtly at his husband in shock. "Yes. My Dean. He's an excellent bartender so shut your hole and play nice." Jesse held his hands up in a surrender gesture, meaning no harm. Castiel looked at Pamela and gave an apologetic look. "Sorry. Actors," he said, rolling his eyes. "Drama queens the lot of them."

Pamela followed Jesse's pointing finger and saw an attractive young man in a fitted black tee shirt expertly mixing up a drink behind the bar. She looked back at Castiel and rose her eyebrows in approval. "That's your husband?" She asked, impressed. "He's hot!" Dean noticed Cas and grinned at him as he finished up the drink and then headed over to where he was sitting at the bar. Jesse was with him, as was an unfamiliar young woman. "Hey, guys," he said to Cas and Jesse, and then he turned to the woman. "Who's this lovely lady?"

Castiel smirked as Pamela looked on impressively at Dean. "He sure is," Castiel said with pride. This was when Jesse thought it'd be appropriate to pitch in. "He's got a massive-" Castiel put his hand over Jesse's mouth to stop him talking. "Me and Jesse were roommates in college. He's not very good at the whole 'stay out of the room I'm having sex' thing," he explained to Pamela. He grimaced when Jesse licked his hand, making him let go. By then Dean had come over and he grinned excitedly. "Hey. This is Pamela. She's a dancer in the show. Like me!" he chimed happily.

Pamela laughed at Jesse's outburst and shoved his shoulder playfully. "Don't overshare, babe," she chuckled. Dean watched Jesse and Cas fool around like children and he rolled his eyes. "How much alcohol will it take to make you shut up?" Dean asked Jesse, and then he turned to Pamela and shook her hand. "Nice to meet you, Pamela. I'm Dean, if you haven't figured that out yet." Pamela grinned and shook Dean's hand, glancing over at Castiel. "Yeah, he won't shut up about you," she teased. Dean chuckled and winked at Cas. "Cas here is adorable, isn't he?"

Jesse laughed and waved his hand at Dean. "Oh you," he sighed like this was a fun game they played all the time. Castiel looked between Pamela and Dean and chuckled before leaning over the counter to whisper in Dean's ear. "That's not what you were saying this morning when I pounded your ass."

"You know I can hear you," Jesse said, a small smirk on his lips. Castiel laughed, kissing Dean briefly.

"Get him a rum and coke before he drives me insane," Castiel said. "I'll have a Winchester cocktail." He held his hand up as he saw Jesse go to say something out of the corner of his eye. "Jesse you make a dirty joke and I will shove that bar stool so far up your ass the only way to get it out will be to have it surgically removed." He turned and looked at Pamela. "What do you want, hon? Drinks are on me."

Dean snorted in amusement and turned around to grab the ingredients for a rum and coke. He quickly prepared it and then slid it over to Jesse. Pamela shrugged and then decided what she wanted. "I'll just have a beer," she said. "A Winchester cocktail?" She asked curiously. Dean grinned at her and got out the different ingredients. "My signature drink," he said proudly, "secret recipe."

Jesse just laughed, drinking his drink. Castiel watched Dean dreamily as he work, smiling idiotically. "If I could tap this stuff into my veins I would happily do so," Castiel remarked as Dean handed him his drink. "Thanks, babe." He took a sip and hummed. Jesse was curious as asked to try a sip. He nodded in agreement. "That is pretty good. Almost as good as sex on the beach..and I'm not talking about the drink." Castiel rolled his eyes, shaking his head in amusement.

Pamela wrapped her fingers around the drink and pulled it towards her, trying a sip. "Mm, that is good," she agreed, sliding it back to Castiel and smiling at Dean. Dean grinned and put his bottles back under the counter. "You like it?" He glanced down the bar and saw a few more customers approaching. "Back in a minute," he told Cas, walking over to the other people. Pamela turned to Cas and leaned a little closer, grinning widely at him. "Wow," she whispered, "he's really something!"

Castiel smiled, taking back his drink. "He sure is," Castiel agreed, watching his husband work. "I'm glad you like him, Pam. I'd like for you to hang out with the three of us more often." He turned to Jesse shrugging. "Or four. If Jack wants to meet up after work." Jesse nodded. "I think that's a good idea. The fantastic five!" Jesse grinned. Castiel rolled his eyes but laughed. "Yeah, sure why not."

Pamela smiled happily and nodded. She couldn't believe how lucky she was to have already made friends within the first day of dance rehearsal. Knowing people would make the entire experience much more enjoyable and she was really pleased. "Yeah, I'd like that. You guys are a lot of fun." She stole another sip of Castiel's drink. "Sorry, it's really good. Who's Jack?" She asked curiously, looking between the two of them.

Castiel gave her a look, "Get your own." He pouted and wrapped a protective hand around the glass so she couldn't steal it again. Jesse laughed. "Jack is my husband," he said proudly. Castiel gave him a look. "Since when?" he queried. Jack shrugged, "Well. He will be. He just doesn't know it yet. I've gotta ring made and everything I'm just waiting for the right time." Castiel gave an astonished look, wrapping his arms around Jesse. "Jesse that's amazing! Congratulations."

Pamela stared at Jesse and then looked at Castiel. "Am I the only straight one here?" She exclaimed jokingly before hugging Jesse tightly. "Congratulations, Jesse! Can't wait to meet him." Dean finished up with everybody else ordering drinks at the bar and headed back over to Cas, Jesse and Pamela. "What's all the hugging about?" He asked with a curious smile, getting Jesse another rum and coke.

"Afraid so, sugar," Jesse teased, hugging her back. When Dean came back, Castiel ordered two more Winchester cocktails, one for himself and one for Pamela. "Jesse was just telling us his plans to propose to Jack," Castiel said with excitement. Jesse just grinned, leaning against the bar as he took his new rum and coke from Dean.

Dean stared at Jesse in amazement and then hi-fived him excitedly. "That's awesome, Jes!" he patted his arm enthusiastically and then got out his bottles again and started mixing up two more of his signature drinks. "How are you going to do it?" He asked, "Cas took me to France and proposed there, you got anything like that planned?" Dean smiled playfully at Jesse and then grinned at Cas.

Castiel laughed, taking his drink and grinned. Jesse just shrugged. "With my funding he's been producing for a few bands over here and in England," Jesse explain with a smile. "I'm flying him over for our anniversary. I'm going to set up a recording and have his band play our song. Then I'm going to ask him to marry me," Jesse said with a nod.

"That sounds perfect," he told Jesse, "He'll love it." Pamela smiled at all of them softly, happy for them. She'd been in a lot of relationships that never worked out, so she'd given up on dating. Realistically, she knew that she'd have other chances, seeing as she was only 24, but for now she was happy with what she had and didn't have anybody else to depend on, nobody depending on her.

Castiel nodded in agreement and Jesse just shrugged, downing the rest of his drink. "Alright," Jesse said, setting his drink down. "I'm gonna head off home. We have to be in rehearsals early tomorrow." Castiel nodded, waving Jesse off. "See you later, man." He turned back to Dean and smiled, sipping at his drink. "What time do you get off babe? Is it worth me sticking around or should I just head home?"

Dean waved goodbye to Jesse and then checked his watch. "I get off at 11 tonight, there's not as much business as there is on weekends so they're letting me go early and Kevin's going to close up. You can stay if you want, but it's only 9:30 and I'm not that interesting." He winked at Pamela and she laughed softly, finishing up her Winchester cocktail. "I don't know, if I stick around I might end up drinking more than I intend to," she joked.

Castiel laughed, clinking his glass against Pamela's gently. "Who knows. Might be fun," he said with a shrug. "I'm a fun drunk, aren't I darling?" he said to Dean with a smooth, playful English accent. "Yes. Come on. Get us another drink. Who knows, maybe if we're lucky I'll try showing you some of my moves," he teased, laughing freely.

Dean rolled his eyes and leaned on the bar towards Pamela. "He is a fun drunk," he admitted with a sigh, "Ah, what the hell. What'll it be, Pamela?" He asked her, and she thought for a moment. "How about a cosmo? I'm craving something sweet and fruity." She shrugged and Dean nodded. "Easy enough. Cas?"

Castiel grinned, clapping his hands together happily. "I want a shot of tequila and a gin and tonic!" he beamed, leaning over the counter to kiss Dean's cheek. "So Pam," he said, sitting back in his seat and looked over at the woman. "Tell me about yourself. What's your story. You've heard some of mine story. How about we hear a little bit about Pam's, hmmm?"

Dean nodded and quickly prepared the two drinks before glancing down the bar to see if the older gentleman needed another beer. Pamela shrugged and took a sip of her drink, thinking. "Well, I was born in LA and lived there my entire life. My older sister Val is a bartender and her girlfriend Sara owns a tattoo parlor and I used to work in the tattoo parlor. But I kind of wanted to broaden my horizons, you know? I'd been living in the same city all my life so I decided to just come over here, all the way across the country."

"Huh, that's really cool," Castiel said with a smile and nod before taking a sip of his drink. "So do you have any tattoos yourself?" he asked curiously. "I've got a a few myself," he said with a soft smile. He took another sip of his drink and sighed. "I think it's good you're taking things into your own hands and just putting yourself out there, you know."

Pamela nodded and took another sip of her drink. "Yeah, I've got a few. Nothing too big, just a little blackwork design on my ankle. Being a dancer and all, I couldn't really get anything that would show through a costume." She looked at Castiel curiously and then glanced over at Dean, who was mixing up another cocktail for a woman at the other end of the bar. "What about yours?" She asked, inquiring of his tattoos.

Castiel bit his lip. "I never really thought about that," he said with a soft laugh. "But being a stripper it sort of became part of my costume." He gestured to where his wings were underneath his clothes. "I have a set of wings all along here across my shoulder blades. Also got barbed wire around my thighs," he said with a slight nod, not so proud of that tattoo as he was his wings.

Pamela laughed and shrugged a little. "Well, maybe it can be part of your costume here too. It sounds sexy." She licked her lips after taking another drink and then set the glass down. "What's your stage name? I'll look you up sometime." Dean looked up in surprise as Jo Marvel sauntered over in her cat costume, looking at him with a flirtatious, sultry gaze. She was one of the most popular strippers in this club and almost considered a celebrity among the customers. She'd been flirting with Dean since he started working here, nothing too serious, but this was the first time she'd actually come up to the bar. "Hey," she said in a seductive voice, "How about one of those Winchester cocktails?" Dean purposely didn't look away from her eyes and smiled politely. "Sure thing," he replied shortly, quickly beginning to prepare a drink for her.

Castiel beamed, taking another sip of his drink. "Mystic Raven," he said proudly "I think there's a few clips of me on youtube and my old clubs website," he said, trying to recall. "I can't wait to see your dance moves, Pam. If you've been doing it for so long it'll be interesting to see your style." He looked over to see Dean talking with one of the strippers. He felt a little jealously run through him. Usually he was fine with it. Back at the old club but then he knew everyone back then. Here, he didn't know them. Had no reason to trust then. This was New York, after all.

Dean slid her drink over and she actually pulled some cash out of her bra and slid it across the bar. Dean rose an eyebrow at her and took the money with his left hand, making sure to clack his ring against the counter a little and hoping she'd notice. It didn't deter her at all, and she leaned forward, providing Dean with an excellent view of her chest, not that he was looking. "Do you.. want to get out of here after my shift ends?" She asked him with a suggestive smile. Dean leaned forward as well and looked at her with a slightly patronizing smile. "Honey, I'm married," he told her, showing her the ring. She just shrugged her petite shoulders and tossed her blond hair over one shoulder. "So? She's not gonna find out." Dean sighed and straightened up again, wiping down a sticky part of the bar and then tossing the towel over his shoulder. "I'm not interested," he told her, "Maybe if you had less boobs and more cock, but no thanks. Not interested." Jo raised her eyebrows in surprise and then she actually blushed, having the grace to look embarrassed. "Oh, I'm sorry," she stammered, "I had no idea you were into guys!" She quickly swallowed the last of her drink and then stood up, looking at him apologetically. "This is so embarrassing. I'm really sorry." Dean chuckled and shrugged it off, not wanting to hold a grudge against her. "No harm done," he assured.

Pamela and Castiel were watching the exchange with interest, and as soon as the stripper left Pamela turned to Cas with a look of amusement. "He must get that a lot."

Castiel just shrugged. "He's hot. It happens." When Dean came back over Castiel reached out to take his hand, needing some form of connection. "She didn't look too happy," he said casually, noting the way the stripper had blushed and practically ran away. "I'm impressed, babe. Not many people can make a stripper blush."

Dean shrugged and squeezed Castiel's hand back, twining their fingers together absently as he watched Jo retreat into the crowd. "Yeah, she was hitting on me and I told her I'm married, but she kept at it and finally stopped when I told her I'm gay. It was pretty awkward for her," Dean chuckled and leaned forward to kiss Castiel gently, still holding onto his hand and playing with his fingers. He glanced over at Pamela, who was watching them with a small smile. "You guys should see this place on a Friday night," he said, rolling his eyes. "I don't know how many times I've had to politely let a girl down. Guys too."

Castiel smiled at the kiss, keeping Dean's hand tightly entwined with his own. "I'm glad you do, baby," Castiel beamed. "I love being able to let you work in a place like this and know you won't try anything. It's good. It's good for our relationship, knowing we don't have to constantly be checking up on one another." He finished his drink and sighed, happily tipsy. "How long until your shift ends?"

Dean laughed a little and kissed Castiel's hand, checking his watch. "In about a half hour," he said. He took Castiel's empty glass. Pamela finished hers as well and then slid it over to Dean slightly clumsily, feeling a little tipsy herself. She grinned and leaned on the bar, resting her chin in her hand. "You guys look so happy together," she said dreamily, "How'd you meet?"

Castiel gave an uncertain look to Dean and shrugged a little. "Highschool," he said simply. "Dean asked me to prom, actually," he said, giving simple, half-truths. He didn't want to bring up what really happened. "Then we got to know each other and things went from there really." He smiled a little and let go of Dean's hand to lean back on his stool.

Dean looked back at Cas and bit his lip a little, not knowing how much Cas wanted to share with Pamela so soon after they'd just met. Pamela grinned. "High school sweethearts," she said, "That's really adorable. It's great that you've been together all this time." Dean nodded and looked at Castiel. "Yeah, he's my boy," he said proudly, "Glad I kept him around."

"Yeah," Castiel smiled, shooting Dean another uncertain look. "I'm glad you did too." He just put on a smile, feeling a little ill inside and slipped off the barstool. "I guess we should be going. Do you want me to wait in the car or help clean up? I don't mind. Pam, where do you live? Need a ride home from here?"

Dean smiled tightly and then glanced at Pamela before looking down and busying his hands with the bottles he was putting away. Pamela, even in her drunken state, noticed the tension. "I'll take the bus," she told them, waving off Castiel's offer. "I live pretty close." Dean looked at her uncertainly and then nodded. "Alright, if you're sure you don't want a ride. Cas, you can just wait in the car if you want. I don't need to clean up, Kevin's taking care of that when the bar closes. I'll be out in like five minutes."

"Okay," Castiel said with a shrug, going outside with Pamela. He saw here off, waving goodbye. "I'll see you tomorrow, Pam. Bring your A game. I wanna see you shake that money maker." As soon as she was gone his smile faded and he went to Dean's car, sitting on the hood with a long sigh. He was sobering up too quickly for his liking and didn't want to talk about Dean what happened back at the bar.

Within a few minutes, Dean had finished up and he headed out to the car and unlocked it to let Cas get in. He looked at him in concern and touched his arm lightly. "You alright?" He asked gently, not starting the car up just yet. They were sitting in the back of the parking lot, in the dark behind the strip club, which probably wasn't the safest thing to do.

Castiel got in the car when Dean came out and slumped against the seat, tired from the day's events and drowsy from the alcohol. "Yup. Just drive us home, please," he said quickly, looking out of the window. It was dark outside and Castiel didn't exactly feel safe just sitting there. Especially in New York. Things were more dangerous here.

Dean looked at Cas uncertainly for another few seconds before starting the engine and driving away. The ride home was quicker than usual, since it was late on a Monday night and not as many people were out and about in the city. They pulled into the parking garage of the apartment complex where they lived and then got into the elevator up to their floor. In the silence and harsh lights of the elevator, Dean turned to Cas and stepped a little closer to him. "Cas?"

Everything was silent until they were in the elevator, so close to home. Castiel just dipped his head, shaking it lightly. "You're not an asshole anymore. It's fine," he said. Then the elevator doors opened and Castiel walked out, letting himself into the apartment and dumped his dance bag by the door heading straight to the bedroom for some much needed sleep.

Dean just watched Castiel silently until the elevator stopped. Once they were in the apartment, Dean switched the light on and locked the door. He sighed and followed Cas into the bedroom, kicking off his shoes by the door and taking off his work shirt. "Are you really on about that again?" He sighed, "Cas, what's wrong?" He sat on the edge of the bed beside him and just looked over at him.

Castiel pressed his face into the pillows and sighed, closing his eyes. Just wanting to sleep but Dean had other ideas. "I'm just not used to people asking how we met. It brings up a lot of things I'd rather get left behind," he said, sighing heavily. He turned onto his side, back to Dean. He didn't want to talk about this. He just wanted it to go away.

Dean got the message and pulled his jeans off to lie down on the bed in his boxers. He turned to face Cas and placed a hand on his back, leaning over a little to press his lips to the back of Castiel's neck. "Okay, baby." He whispered. "Goodnight." Dean closed his eyes and laid down, still facing Cas but not touching him, wanting to give him some room both physically and mentally.

Castiel was glad Dean didn't try to talk to him further. He fell asleep quickly, exhausted from the day. The next morning he awoke with a more positive attitude. Yesterday was behind them now and today was a new day. He got out of bed, leaving Dean to sleep, showered, ate a little breakfast, fed the cats and went to work. He didn't see the point in waking Dean up. He had nothing to say anyway so it'd have been pointless.

When Dean woke up, Cas was already gone, leaving the apartment feeling empty and somewhat dull. Cas was already at rehearsal and Dean had nothing to do all day since his shift didn't start until 7 pm, so he decided to have a lazy day. He showered and put on a pair of sweatpants and then parked his ass down on the couch to watch some TV. He couldn't get last night's tense lack of conversation out of his mind and he was anxious to see Cas after he got back from rehearsal.

Rehearsals was long and stressful but he'd managed to work out some of the routines and Pamela was there so at least he had some company. By the time he came home, he was exhausted. Dean would be going to work soon and wasn't sure if he'd had dinner or not but Castiel was exhausted and too tired to cook. He sat on the couch and closed his eyes, not bothering to greet Dean with more than a 'hey'.

Dean had already gotten dressed for work when Castiel came home, and he was halfway through cooking a box of macaroni and cheese for dinner. "Hey yourself," he replied, looking over at Cas when he went into the living room and flopped onto the couch. "Tough day?" He asked, carrying the pot over to the sink and draining out the boiling water. He mixed the cheese and butter in and then put some in a bowl for Cas. "I made Spongebob mac and cheese," he offered, wondering if Cas was still upset from last night.

Castiel looked up at Dean and smiled a little. "Can I have some?" he asked quietly, biting his lower lip out of habit. "If you're hungry I'll make my own. It's okay." Panda came and sat next to him and he petted her slowly, slumping back against the back of the couch. "You fed that cats tonight?" he asked lazily.

Dean nodded, handing the bowl to Castiel. "Here, I'm not gonna eat the whole box," he said. "Cats are fed, house is cleaned, and dinner is served. You look like you need a break." Dean went back into the kitchen and brought out an ice cold beer for Cas to have with his dinner, and he brought back the rest of the mac and cheese for himself.

Castiel gave Dean a grateful smile but the man didn't see it as he walked back into the kitchen to get his own food. Once they were both settled, Panda wedged between them on the couch. Castiel kissed Dean's cheek tenderly. "Thank you," he said sincerely, looking at his husband with soft, tired eyes. "For everything."

Dean put a spoonful of the food into his mouth and chewed it, but was caught slightly by surprise when Castiel kissed his cheek. He turned to look at Cas and swallowed his mouthful. "You're welcome," he said, a little unsure of what Cas was thanking him for, but he kissed his cheek back in return. "You doin' okay?"

Castiel nodded a little, taking a mouthful of pasta before answering Dean's question. "Yeah. I just sorta forgot that Pam might ask about..that. Just caught me off guard is all." He ate in silence for a while before setting his empty plate down. "Sorry for being an ass. I was just upset."

Dean looked at Cas thoughtfully and then reached for his hand. "Are you comfortable telling her the truth?" Dean asked gently, "I understand if you don't want to but I think she's a really cool girl and she seems to like you a lot." Dean liked Pamela too and hoped that she would stick around and be a friend for Cas, because it was stressful enough being in a professional theatre production and Dean figured it would help if Cas met some people there.

Castiel shrugged. "Maybe in time," he said thoughtfully. He really liked Pamela but it'd taken him over a year to tell Jesse the truth. It'd be a long time until he felt comfortable enough around Pamela to tell her the truth too. "For now I'd just like to concentrate on the work."

Dean nodded in understanding and kissed Castiel's cheek. "Okay," he agreed softly. They sat in silence for a moment before Dean finished off his pasta and set his bowl down. "So, how's the work going, anyway? Not too intense for you, huh?" Dean smiled softly and stroked Castiel's hair.

Castiel shrugged, leaning into Dean's touch. "It's okay," he said softly. "It's hard work but it'll be worth it." He closed his eyes for a moment and found himself falling asleep against Dean, too tired to bother staying awake because Dean would be going to work soon.

Dean watched as Cas fell asleep, and after a few minutes he carefully stood up and laid Cas down on the couch, covering him with the blanket and taking his shoes off. He kissed his forehead before heading out the door, not bothering to take his keys. He was planning on just riding the subway to work.

This continued to happen for the next month. Castiel would go to work then fall asleep after dinner whilst Dean went to work. Sometimes they'd have days off and spent more time together but other than that they had a standard routine going. Castiel spent most of his time with Pamela when they were at work. She was nice. They'd become firm friends as the show progressed.

Dean came home from work one night with a bottle of wine he'd bought from the bar and a box of expensive foreign chocolates. He went inside and found Cas sitting up on the couch with the TV on, and he smiled at him and held up the things he'd bought. "Thought you deserved a little something after all that hard work you've been doing." He said as he sat down on the couch beside Cas and gave him a quick kiss.

Castiel was half asleep when Dean came back. His facial expression softened when he saw the items in Dean's hands. "That's so sweet," he murmured, shuffling the cats around so Dean had somewhere to sit. "You're the best husband ever," he commented sincerely, resting his hand on Dean's wrist, rubbing small circles into the skin.

Dean smiled and relaxed into the couch, pulling the closest cat onto his lap. "I know," he said with a smug grin, kissing Castiel's cheek before popping open the bottle. He opened the box of chocolates and handed it to Cas with a little smile. "So, opening night is coming up," Dean said, "You nervous?"

Castiel took the box and shrugged a little, taking one of the chocolates and popped it in his mouth. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, savouring the taste of decent chocolate. Something he hadn't had in a long time. "A little," he said after swallowing. "We've rehearsed enough though. We've got this," he said with a nod.

Dean took one of the chocolates and bit into it. He hummed in delight. "You're going to be great," Dean said with a wide smile, "I'm so excited to see it." Dean hadn't told Cas yet, but he'd invited Sam and Ruby up to see the play, and they were going to be meeting up with Jack. Jack had been in contact with his sister Natalie, now that she'd turned 18, and he had managed to convince her to come to New York and spend a week with him, and they would be seeing Grease while they were there. Dean was really looking forward to it.

Castiel smiled, kissing Dean's cheek. "Thanks, babe," he said with a giddy smile. "I'm excited for you to see the show. It'll be awesome." He hummed, petting Honey beside him and sighed, leaning against Dean. "I love you. I'm so glad we decided to move out here. I don't know where else I'd want to be."

"Yeah. I'm so proud of you, baby. I'm going to be showing you off like nobody's business. Take you out for dinner afterwards, to a fancy restaurant. I'll take work off that night and it'll be all about you, alright? It'll be my boy's night." Dean grinned happily and kissed Castiel sweetly.

Castiel grinned, setting the box of chocolates aside and kissed Dean tenderly, running his hands into the other man's hair. "You're amazing, Dean. Everything you're doing for me. I don't know how to thank you enough," he said, kissing Dean again.

Dean closed his eyes and smiled into the kiss, humming softly at the feeling of Castiel's hands in his hair, massaging his scalp gently. "Just supporting my talented and amazing husband," he replied. "You're doing so well._ We're_ doing so well, Cas. I mean, look at us, surviving and thriving in the big city. It's something to be proud of, baby."

Castiel smiled, nodding eagerly. "I am proud of us, Dean," he confirmed with another kiss. "Proud of you." He cleared his throat, nodding a little, "In a couple years maybe we can start thinking about having children and..we'll have the American dream." He kissed Dean again, chocolate and wine ignored. "Let's go to bed."

About a week later, Dean was sitting in the audience of Grease. Jack, Natalie, Sam, and Ruby were with him, and there was barely time for introductions before the play was starting. There'd be time for that later. Instead of going to a restaurant, Dean had decided they would all just go back to their apartment. While Cas was at rehearsal, Dean spent the day cleaning up the apartment and buying food and drinks for everybody.

Castiel hadn't been able to see Dean during the show. The stage lights were too bright but he was sure he was out there somewhere with Jack cheering him, Jesse and Pamela on. Everything went well for an opening night and Castiel was trembling with excitement. After the show finished, Castiel headed straight out from backstage to go and find Dean, leaving Pamela and Jesse to try and catch up with him. He spotted Dean a grinned, running towards him and hugged him tightly before noticing Sam stood next to him. His eyes went wide and squealed in delight, hopping from Dean to Sam and hugged his brother in law tightly. "Sammy!" he beamed "What are you doing here?"

Dean had gotten Castiel a big bouquet of red roses, over the top cheesy and romantic, and Jack had gotten the same for Jesse. Dean grinned excitedly when Castiel ran out, sweaty and still wearing his costume and stage makeup, his microphone tape dangling loosely from his cheek. Dean hugged him tight and handed him the roses, which luckily weren't crushed by the tight embrace, and then Cas hugged Sam. Ruby smiled at the two of them, standing next to Natalie as she looked for Jesse. Jack wrapped his arm around his sister's shoulders and gave her a sideways hug. He was so happy to see her looking this alive. She'd been discharged from the hospital and was eating almost normally now, and she'd gained back a healthy amount of weight. She looked radiant and beautiful and Jack was so proud of her. "Surprise!" Sam said as Ruby came up to kiss Castiel's cheek and hug him tightly. "You were amazing!" She exclaimed, and Sam nodded enthusiastically.

Castiel's eyes widened at the roses and only just had time to take them as Ruby hugged him. He chuckled, surprised to see her here too. "Oh wow, you guys," he breathed. "I can't believe you all made it." Pamela headed over to her own group of friends, flatmates of hers. Castiel knew he should probably talk to her but he'd catch her later in the evening or tomorrow. Jesse took his time, changing out of his costume and getting his stage makeup off. So by the time he came out, Castiel was just running back to quickly change after greeting everyone. Jesse walked up to Jack and smiled bashfully. "Those for me?" he asked, unable to stop smiling, adrenaline pumping through his veins.

Jack blushed slightly and beamed at Jesse, taking another step towards him and handing him the roses, aware that everyone was watching them with smiles on their faces. Having an audience just made him blush even harder, and he put the roses in Jesse's hands and then leaned forward, putting both hands on Jesse's shoulders and kissing him tenderly. "Congratulations, Jesse," he murmured happily. "You were amazing." They gazed at each other for a moment before Natalie came up to them and hugged Jesse shyly, causing Jack's heart to swell with happiness.

Jesse couldn't stop smiling. He knew Jack wasn't the most of open people but little by little Jesse had managed to get him to come out of his shell and kiss him in public and feel comfortable with who he was. He looked down at the roses and smiled happily. "Thanks, Jay. They're beautiful," he said before Natalie hugged him timidly. Jesse exchanged a look of awe with Jack over the girl's shoulder before hugging her back carefully. "Hey there, sugar," he said softly. "You must be Natalie. It's been four years since I first heard about you. Jack hasn't stopped talking about you since. It's good to finally meet you, Nat."

Jack actually felt tears welling up in his eyes as his little sister met the man he loved. This was her accepting him for the way he was, and it was a very emotional experience. He bit his lip and smiled, trying not to cry as he watched. Jesse was being so careful and gentle with Natalie, as if she were a fragile butterfly, and it was a beautiful sight to behold. "It's nice to meet you too," she said softly, backing away a little and looking up at Jesse with a timid smile. "Jack told me about you and said he wanted to introduce us." At 18, Natalie was finally venturing out on her own a bit, gaining more confidence and strength with each step she took out into the world, away from her home. Dean didn't know the whole story behind Jack's family, but he knew enough to know that this was a very emotional moment for the three of them. Ruby and Sam looked slightly awkward, so Dean turned to them and asked them how college was going, small talk to give Jesse, Jack, and Natalie some privacy.

"Well I'm glad we got the chance to meet," Jesse said, looking up at Jack for a moment before looking back at Natalie. This meant so much to Jack and was glad they were doing this. He wanted to marry Jack. He wanted to be closer to his sister. Get to know her more. After all, they'd be family soon. "In fact, it's an honour," he continued quietly. "You're a remarkable young woman and big inspiration to me, actually." He subtly laced his fingers together with Jack's, squeezing his hand in support. He didn't want to see his boyfriend cry. It broke his heart, even if it was for a happy occasion.

Jack put the back of his hand to his mouth and smiled tearfully at Jesse, stepping closer and wrapping his arms around him. He pulled Natalie in too, and the three of them were in a silent embrace, just connecting and having a moment of understanding. "I still have that letter you wrote to me," Natalie whispered when they stepped back from each other a little. "I didn't even know you at all, but it helped me so much. It just... it made such a difference to know that a stranger wasn't judging me for my scars or my appearance, and you'd never even seen me... it just meant so much to me."

Jesse was overwhelmed. Since his mom and brother died. He'd lost what it meant to have a family. He never really had that connection with his father after the incident and standing here now with Natalie and Jack. Well, he'd never felt anything like it. Not in a long while. "I meant every word, darlin'. Jack told me what you looked like. He talked about you none stop and all I could picture was just how beautiful you were, inside and out. Just remember I'm always here for you. We're all in a better place now and we should cherish that. You should be proud of how far you've come, hon. I know I am."

Castiel came back out, dressed in his regular clothes with his dance bag slung over one shoulder and roses in his hands. He came back to Dean and kissed him happily. "I still can't believe you kept Sammy a secret from me," he said giddily. "Guys, I'm so glad you're here. It means the world to me. I'm so happy right now!"

Natalie smiled up at Jesse, eyes shining with gratitude, and she hugged him again before backing up to stand beside her brother. She looped her hand through Jack's arm and Jack smiled down at her proudly. She was really turning into a beautiful young woman. She was still petite and shorter than most girls her age, likely because of lack of nutrition during her worst anorexic years, but she'd filled out a bit and looked healthy and happy, her blond hair shiny and thick rather than dull and thin, almost patchy in places. "Thank you, Jesse," he said, looking at his boyfriend with eyes full of emotion.

Dean kissed Castiel back and patted his shoulder proudly, laughing at his joyful excitement. "I wanted it to be a surprise," he explained, "I know how much you love Sammy." Ruby cleared her throat and stepped forward, looking at Dean pointedly. "And what am I, chopped liver?" Dean laughed and hugged Ruby, picking her up to twirl her around a little. "No. You are my genius brother's lovely trophy wife," he teased. "Or future trophy wife perhaps?"

Jesse smiled softly, squeezing Jack's hand before letting go. "I think we're heading back to Dean and Cas' for like a little celebration thing. You okay with that? I mean, we can back to ours if you're not. As long as I'm with you guys I don't mind what we do. I just need somewhere to sit down because my feet are killing me."

Castiel laughed, watching Dean interact with Ruby. "Hey," Castiel pouted. "She's our future sister. Stop picking on her." Castiel grinned at Sam, nudging him playfully. "It's good to see you, Sam. I can't tell you how much it means to me seeing you up here." Castiel felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around to see Pamela standing there. "Hey, the boys had to go to work so you mind if I celebrate with you guys?" Castiel nodded, wrapping an arm around Pamela's shoulders. "More the merrier, hon. This is my brother-in-law, Sam and his girlfriend, Ruby," he introduced happily.

Jack looked at Natalie curiously and she nodded with a sweet smile, and Jack looked back at Jesse. "Yeah, that sounds great. Introduce baby sis here to the family." He poked her playfully in the side and she glared at him and slapped his hand away, causing Jack to laugh. He loved having this time with his sister, the girl he'd been so close to as a child but was forced to stay away from as they got older. It was like getting to know her all over again and Jack couldn't be more grateful for every second they had together.

Ruby laughed and leaned against Sam, wrapping her arms around his waist. Sam had grown taller, if that was even possible, and Ruby barely came up to his shoulder. It was actually very cute, even Dean had to admit. He grinned when Pamela came over, and Sam and Ruby went to go shake her hand. "I'm Pamela, Castiel's dance buddy. Nice to meet you guys!"

"Then there's Jesse and his boy, Jack over there with.." Castiel continued to introduced before stopping to try and recognise the girl by Jack's side. His eyes widened a little. Holy shit. He remembered Jack talking about his sister in college but this girl looked so much healthier. It couldn't be the same girl surely. "I..I think that's Natalie. Jack's sister," he said quietly before deciding he'd meet her later. "I'm guessing we're all going out to celebrate?" he asked Dean. "We going to a restaurant or something. What do you guys want? I didn't really think to book something up."

Dean watched Castiel's reaction to Natalie and laughed a little, pulling him close and kissing his temple. "Yeah, that's Natalie." he murmured, smiling knowingly at Cas. "Actually I told everyone we're heading back to our place, if that's alright? These guys aren't crazy party animals, there won't be a huge mess to clean up." Jack grabbed Jesse's hand and headed over to everyone else, Natalie following alongside her brother, and they all smiled at each other. "I guess we're going to have to take cabs," Dean apologized, looking around at the larger group. "I didn't exactly rent a limo." Jesse already knew where they lived, but Sam and Ruby didn't so he quickly texted his address to Sam.

Castiel shrugged. "I'm fine with that but there's no point in getting cabs. It's Friday night, we're better getting the bus. It'll be faster and cheaper. Cabs always take forever getting out of the traffic of the city." He hooked arms with Ruby and gestured for everyone to follow them. He talked to her about how everything was going back home. After getting off the bus by there apartment, Castiel told Dean he'd be up soon and that he needed a smoke. He made sure Ruby stayed outside with him whilst everyone else went inside.

He pulled his cigarettes out of his dance bag and lit one up, blowing smoke into the air before addressing Ruby again. "Okay. Something up. You've got that look on your face. We can either get drunk and you can tell me. Or you can tell me know while I'm still clear headed enough to help you," he said simply. Ruby bit his lip, playing with the hem of her shirt. She looked around to make sure no one was listening before telling Castiel.

"I really want a kid, Cas. I was born to be a mom. I just know it," she began with a sigh. "Sam's nearly finished his first year of college and that's great. We're not exactly planning for a baby..but we haven't exactly been preventing it either. You know?" Castiel just nodded and handed his cigarette over for Ruby to take a drag, she looked like she needed it. "Anyway," she said, exhaling a puff of smoke. "It's got me thinking..what if there's something wrong? We have sex whenever he comes home or I go to visit him between term time. I'm not on the pill..what if we..what if having a baby just wasn't in the cards for us?"

Castiel remained silent for a long time, taking a harsh drag on his cigarette. "Ruby," he said slowly. "These things take time and like you say, you're not exactly trying. Maybe it's natures way of saying now isn't the right time. You should wait until you're both actually ready to try, you know?" Ruby nodded, "Yeah. I guess you're right. Sorry, Cas. It's just..I can't really talk to anyone about it. Least of all Sam."

Castiel stubbed out his cigarette and wrapped and arm around her. "I know. You've got me to look out for you. Don't worry. It'll all work out." He squeezed her shoulder a little before picking up his dance bag and they went inside to join the celebrations.

Sam and Dean shared a subtle confused look when Cas and Ruby stayed outside, but neither of them mentioned it and Dean started getting out the stuff he'd got. He had bottles of beer chilling in the fridge and some wine, and his usual mixology equipment was hanging out on its normal place on the kitchen counter. "Food's in here, guys!" he called. Everyone took their time making their way through the cozy apartment, and Sam grinned and pointed at the framed picture on the bookshelf. It was of Cas and Dean in their wedding suits, Dean holding up his hand and excitedly showing off his new ring with an open mouthed, goofy grin on his face. Castiel's arm was around his waist and his head was tipped back with laughter, his free hand on Dean's chest. Pamela stepped up beside Sam and laughed quietly at the picture, smiling fondly at it. "Aren't they just adorable?" She asked, and Sam nodded. "They are," he admitted.

When Castiel and Ruby came back inside, Castiel went looking for Jack and Jesse, wanting to meet Natalie. "Jesse," he beamed, hugging the man happily. "Great work up there tonight," he praised before nudging Jack lightly. "Bet your boy is proud of you, huh." He smiled and laughed, trying to make a warm atmosphere before Jesse found an appropriate moment to introduce Natalie. "You haven't met Natalie yet have you? Natalie this is Cas. Cas this is Natalie, Jack's sister." Castiel shook her hand and smiled. "Good to finally meet you. Jack never shut up about you when we were in college." Jesse grinned, poking Jack lightly. "See kid, I told you. The man loves you," Jesse said to Natalie happily.

Natalie tucked her hair behind her hair and beamed at Castiel. "Nice to meet you," she said softly, "You were amazing." Jack grinned at her and then Dean came back into the room, deciding it would be easier to just bring the drinks and stuff into the living room and put it on the coffee table. "I ordered pizza," he announced. Sam went over to Ruby and wrapped his arm around her shoulders and smiled down at her. "Hey," he greeted softly, "You okay?"

Castiel smiled, "Thanks. That's really sweet of you." Jesse rolled his eyes. "Don't butter him up, Nat. Too much ego this one," he teased. "Says you," Castiel retorted before heading over to Dean to help him play host, setting out drinks and snacks. "This is nice, Dean. Thank you," he said, kissing his husband softly. Pamela continued to look around at the photo's asking Jesse if he knew any stories behind any of them.

"Yeah," Ruby said softly, trying to compose herself before shaking her head. "Actually..no." He took his hand and led him into the spare bedroom they were staying in whilst up visiting Dean and Castiel. She closed the door behind them and got him to sit down on the edge of the bed. She was going to try one more time. If it didn't take. Then she'd see the doctor. She really wanted a child. Maybe Castiel was right. Maybe it wasn't the right time but she couldn't spend the next few years of her life waiting, not knowing.

Dean smiled softly at Cas and opened a beer, sipping it happily. It was nice to know how to make fancy drinks, but nothing hit the spot like an ice cold beer.

Sam sat down on the bed beside Ruby and looked at her with a concerned frown. He held her hand and waited for her to say something, not wanting to force it out of her. He noticed she'd been acting a little sad lately, frustrated even, and they were having sex more than twice a week. Sam could guess what this was about, but he wasn't sure. "Ruby, I love you." He stated honestly, looking into her eyes to show she could trust him with anything.

Ruby was scared to say anything. Until Sam said he loved her, that changed her mind. This was her Sam. She should be able to tell him anything. "Remember when we first start dating?" she started quietly. "At Dean's party, I had that pregnancy scare?" She looked down at their hands and bit her bottom lip, trying to hold back her tears. "Well now I'm not so sure I can even get pregnant. I'm worried there might be something wrong with me, Sam."

Sam's suspicions were confirmed and he nodded slightly, looking down at their linked hands. They hadn't talked about having kids, since they'd only just finished their first year of college, but Sam knew she was the one. He was so in love with her that nothing else mattered. "I want to marry you," Sam said suddenly, surprising himself. They'd never talked about getting married but it was there, and they were very serious about each other. "I might have just proposed to you," he said with a shy smile. "And we'll figure it out, alright? We'll go to the doctor when you're ready and find out if there's a problem." Sam smiled softly at her and pulled her close against his side, rubbing her slender arm gently.

Ruby's eyes widened. She knew he was the one but hearing him say the words aloud made her giggle with giddy excitement. "Am I allowed to count that as a proposal?" she asked biting her lower lip. "Because I'll say yes if it is," she said nudging closer to sit on the bed with him and curled up by his side. "I love you so much, Sam. I want to have a family with you. I want a baby. I want your baby." She felt a few tears slip and roll down her cheeks. "I just don't want to disappoint you if I can't give you that. I'm afraid you won't love me anymore and leave."

Sam wrapped his arm tighter around her and rested his chin on the top of her head. "I'll always love you," he promised. "Let's get married. Maybe it's too early to think about having a baby, but there's other options if it doesn't work out. We'll worry about that when the time comes, okay?" Sam kissed her forehead and sighed sadly. "It's alright, I promise. We'll make it work." Sam was worried that the reason she couldn't get pregnant was caused by something else, but maybe they just never got the timing right. But overall, he was happy to be with Ruby and while he did like the idea of being a father, it was too soon and they both had school to focus on.

Ruby leant into Sam's embraced and sighed. "I'm sorry, I know it's still early but we haven't exactly been using protection as much lately and I'm not on the pill or anything. I just can't help but wonder. I guess you're right though." She remained silent for a while, playing with Sam's hand. "So..are we engaged? Did that happen?" she asked with a small smile on her face. She didn't care if it was some fancy proposal. This was her Sam and he loved her and what they had was honest and real and Ruby couldn't of asked for more.

Sam stroked her long brown hair back behind her shoulder and gazed down at her. "I'll take you to the doctor and we can know for sure," he reassured her, and then he blushed. "Yeah... I guess? I can do it again if you want. That one wasn't planned or anything."

Ruby shook her head, wrapping her arms around Sam's neck and kissed him sweetly. "It's okay. It was perfect," she assured with a soft smile. "And I don't care about not having a ring or any of that fancy stuff that comes with getting engaged. I have you. That's enough for me."

Sam laughed a little and kissed her back, gently holding her face between his large hands. "I feel weird," he chuckled, "So you're my fiancée now? Officially?" He stroked the stray tears away from her cheeks with the pad of his thumb and kissed the tip of her nose.

Ruby leant into his touch, still crying softly. Mostly out of happiness now. "Yup. You're stuck with me, buddy," she teased, poking his chest playfully. "I'm your fiancée, your bride-to-be," she beamed giddily. "So what do you want to do? Should we tell Dean and Cas or do you want to keep this between us for now?"

Sam bit his lip thoughtfully. "I kind of think we should keep it to ourselves right now," he said with a shrug, "I don't want to steal their thunder, you know? They just moved in and are still getting stuff together, I don't want to stress them out. Dean's a bit of a worrier." Sam hugged Ruby close and smiled dazedly. "We'll tell them when the time is right."

Ruby nodded in agreement and kissed Sam deeply. Her small hands pressed against the sides of Sam's face. "I know he is," she said softly. She wished she was as close with her sister as Dean and Sam were. Their relationship was so close and amazing. She was lucky to be a part of a family like that. She knew Sam, Dean and Cas had been through a lot but they still accepted her as a part of their little family. And she loved every moment. "So..you wanna stay here and make out or go back out to the party?" she said with a flirty grin, running her hands into Sam's hair.

Sam grinned at Ruby's flirting and then kissed her again. "They're probably wondering where we are. Do you think we should go out there and be social? I'll take you up on that offer later if you're still interested," Sam smirked and kissed Ruby's neck.

Ruby pouted before smirking at Sam as he kissed her neck. "Fine. We'll have fun later," she sighed, getting up and headed for the door before looking over her shoulder at Sam and grinned. "Coming?" She held out her hand for him and the two walked back into the main room just as Castiel brushed past them to answer the door and pay for the pizza which had arrived.

Sam smiled at Ruby and took her hand. He was so relieved they could talk about anything, and there were no secrets between them. Sam knew she was the one and it made him so happy to know she felt the same. As they entered the main room again, Pamela approached Ruby and Sam with a wide grin. "So, Dean tells me you were Maria in West Side Story. I didn't know you could act!"

Ruby was caught off guard when Pamela approached them and she chuckled a little. "Oh. Well, I try. I'm more of a singer really but I minor in theatre so I guess I do a little," she shrugged. Castiel came back with the pizza boxes, setting them on the coffee table and opened them up to reveal different types. He took a slice before heading into his and Dean's bedroom to have a moment alone. He was exhausted after the play and the adrenaline was starting to wear off.

Pamela nodded in interest and took a sip of her beer. "Do you have any shows coming up? I'd like to go see you perform. If you played Maria, you must be a triple threat!" Sam nodded proudly. "She's amazing," he agreed, looking down at Ruby and kissing the top of her head.

Ruby chuckled shaking her head. "I've just finished my first year of college with Sam. Only second and third years do shows outside of school." She blushed when Sam kissed her forehead, biting her lower lip. "You were amazing in the show tonight. It was really nice to see my friends go from college to the next level. It's a nice thought to think it's actually possible to work on some of the stages in New York."

"Thank you," Pamela said with a smile, "It's not easy, though. It takes a lot of hard work and sometimes it's miserable but it's definitely worth it."

Dean took a bite of his pizza and glanced around, not seeing Cas anywhere and he decided to go look for him in a few minutes, see how he was doing. Meanwhile, he was content to watch Jesse entertaining Natalie with embarrassing stories about Jack, much to Jack's annoyance.

Ruby nodded as she listened to Pamela talk about her experience and give her advise. The two of them went to sit down on the couch and eat pizza whilst they talked, leaving Sam to listen to Jesse's embarrassing stories. "No but you should have seen the look on his face," Jesse said, unable to control his laughter as he spoke. "It's like time had stopped and everything was working in slow-motion. Oh God, it was so funny."

Castiel had finished his pizza slice and was sat cross legged on his bed, stroking his cats soothingly. "It's just our family, kids," he said softly. "There's no reason to be scared of the noise." Honey didn't look too convinced, curling up on herself as Panda nosed at her neck, trying to keep her close as she slept.

Jack smiled tightly and nodded sarcastically as Jesse continued to share embarrassing stories, and he clapped his hand over his boyfriend's mouth. "Yeah, haha, very funny. Why don't you put your mouth to better use, like eating?" Natalie giggled at the two of then acting ridiculous.

Dean decided to go looking for Cas, and found him in their bedroom with the cats. Dean let himself into the room and joined Cas in the bed with a tired sigh. "What's up, Cas," he murmured.

Jesse grinned, "I can think of better things I can do with my mouth." He wiggled his eyebrows and smirked, tilting forward enough to smack a kiss to Jack's lips, giggling idiotically. He moved away, acting like nothing happened. He turned to Natalie. "Come on, hon. Let's get some pizza before your big bro yells at me again," he smirked.

Castiel looked up, smiling softly as Dean came into the room. "Hey, just a bit tired," he said with a shrug. "Poor babies aren't used to so much noise," Castiel smiled, tickling Honey's chin as she mewed softly.

Jack stared at Jesse and shook his head helplessly. "Can you just behave yourself for once?" He asked, and then turned to Sam with an exasperated sigh as Jesse and Natalie wandered away. Sam chuckled and sipped at his beer. "Is he always like that?" He asked, amused, and Jack nodded, gazing at Jesse as he talked animatedly to Natalie, Pamela and Ruby.

Dean smiled softly at Cas and leaned over to press a kiss beneath Castiel's ear. "You were amazing tonight, baby. Really, I'm so proud of you."

Jesse just looked over at Jack and winked, taking a bite of his pizza. He made sure Jack was talking to Sam before carefully shielding himself from Jack with his back turned so he couldn't hear him. "Hey, Nat?" Jesse whispered to Natalie beside him. "Would you do me the honour of giving me permission to ask for your big brother's hand in marriage? I know...I know things aren't great between Jack and your parents and you're his world..and I think it'd mean a lot to him. To us both, if I had your blessing for this."

Castiel grinned. "Thanks, babe. I'm glad you enjoyed the show. I couldn't have done it without you. You've been really supportive and I can't thank you enough."

Natalie's eyes widened and she forgot to breathe for a moment, she was so stunned. Then she squealed and threw herself into Jesse's arms, unable to contain her excitement. "Yes!" She whispered, clinging tightly to his jacket. She'd only known him for a few hours but he was already proving himself to be a very loyal and kind person, and she could see how much her brother loved this man.

Jesse chuckled happily, hugging her back, making sure not to get pizza stains on her. "I'm so glad, Nat. You mean the world to him and I'd like to be able to get to know my soon-to-be sister." He pulled away, grinning. He was so excited. Just another week or two and they'd hopefully be engaged. Jesse hadn't felt this happy in a long time.

Natalie glanced over at Jack, who luckily hadn't noticed the excited hug, and then he looked up at Jesse. "I'm so happy for you guys," she whispered excitedly, eyes shining with happiness. "When are you going to ask him?"

Jesse felt touched by her happiness. Jack had told him a lot about his sister and to see her so happy made his eyes well up. "A few weeks," he whispered back. "When we go over to England. Don't worry, hon. You'll be the first person I call." He smiled taking a bit of his pizza, humming happily.

Sam was still talking to Jack and Jesse looked over his shoulder and called them other. "Hey, hotshot. Get your ass over her and sit on Jesse's lap. Pizza's getting cold."

Natalie beamed, radiating pure happiness for her brother and his boyfriend. Although she was single and had never been kissed, she wasn't jealous of her brother's relationship and she accepted that she was single and maybe, someday, a boy would come along who would put up with her baggage and her scars and just love her for who she was, although she doubted that would happen. But she was happy for her brother and Jesse. She tried to act normal when Jack came over and plopped himself down on Jesse's lap, which was funny because Jack was bigger than Jesse. "Hey, what are you two giggling about over here?" He asked.

Jesse pouted, looking at Jack curiously. "Who said I was talking to you," he dead panned, shooting Sam a cheeky smile. "Come on, buddy. Grab a chair, come eat with us." Jesse patted Jack's thigh, giving him a look. "Honestly. You American's are so rude. Leaving Sam like that. Good sir, where are your manners?" He shot Natalie a look, grinning idiotically. "Honestly, what am I going to do with him. Eh?"

Jack smirked at Jesse and slid off his lap to squeeze next to him on the couch. "I doubt you'd want Sam sitting on your lap, he's twice my size!" He joked, waving at Sam. Natalie laughed and sipped at her diet coke. She wasn't supposed to have alcohol because it could mess up her medications, and she didn't want to risk a relapse. She wasn't as ashamed of herself as she used to be, but she still always wore long sleeves and jeans to cover up her scars.

Sam came over to join the rest of them in the living room, sitting in the armchair near where Ruby and Pamela were talking.

Jesse just shrugged. "He's cute. I wouldn't mind." He shot Jack a glance to tell him he was just teasing with him before picking up another slice of pizza. He wrapped an arm around Jack and the back of the couch, lounging comfortably. Eventually, Castiel came back out with Dean. He got Dean to sit on the floor, seeing as there was no where else to sit and he manoeuvred himself to sit in front of Dean with his back pressed against his chest. "Aww, aren't they sweet?" Jesse cooed, grinning idiotically. Castiel rolled his eyes, tempted to throw something at Jesse but he had nothing at hand. Castiel just muttered something in French instead, making Jesse laugh. "Yeah you an' all," Jesse threw back, rolling his eyes fondly.

Jack laughed and shook his head, leaning against Jesse's side. "How do I put up with you?" He sighed affectionately. Dean wrapped his arms around around Cas and rested his chin on his husband's shoulder, observing all of their friends interacting together. It was a happy scene and Dean felt warm and comfortable, a soft smile on his face.

"I'm sexy," Jesse shrugged. "That and I'm the love of your life," he grinned cockily. Castiel watched everyone with a content sigh, reaching up to the table to grab a bottle of wine and took a swig before offering the bottle to Dean behind him. He murmured to Dean in French, asking if he knew Natalie would be here. Castiel was honoured to meet her but he felt like he'd been put on the spot a bit. She was fragile and he would have liked a heads up. He didn't know how to deal with her without insulting her. She wasn't like Jimmy. She didn't need to be talked down to to understand things. She was depressed and everyone was different in that respect. So Castiel didn't know how to talk to her without upsetting her or triggering something.

Dean nodded subtly at Castiel's question and took the wine bottle. He murmured back in French, his lips close to Castiel's ear, "Jack told me all about her and he said it would be nice for her to come too." Dean didn't know the whole story, and he wasn't sure how much Castiel knew, but Jack trusted them to treat his little sister right and that's what Dean intended to do.

Castiel nodded and took the wine bottle back, taking a long swig from the bottle before handing it back to Dean, murmuring back in French to him. Jesse looked over at them, unable to hear what they were saying but it was in French and he found it endearing. "Look at the French couple over there," he grinned. "How romantic," he cooed, leaning against Natalie's should and laughed.

Dean found himself blushing a little when everyone else looked over at them, and he kissed Castiel's neck and grinned. "If there's one good thing I got out of this relationship it's a goo grade in French," Dean joked affectionately, "Lil smarty pants here is fluent in French."

Jack watched as Jesse leaned against Natalie playfully and he smiled softly. It meant so much to him that his sister and the love of his life were getting along so well. Jesse really was an amazingly kindhearted person.

Castiel laughed, leaning back against Dean. "Just one good thing?" he pouted, kissing Dean with a slight smirk. Jesse just laughed, looking up at Natalie from her shoulder. "You have incredible hair, hon," he said suddenly. "Can I braid it for you? Jack's isn't long enough for me to get proper braids going," he pouted.

Dean grinned flirtatiously at Castiel and rubbed their noses together. "Well, I can name a few more," he murmured suggestively, sliding his hands up Castiel's sides. Natalie was watching them with a soft smile on her face, Jesse still leaning on her shoulder, when he complimented her hair unexpectedly. She looked at him with wide, surprised eyes and then glanced down at her straight blond hair with a shrug. She never did much with it, just let it hang loose down her back. "Sure, I guess," she said shyly, running her fingers through it a little nervously.

Jesse grinned, shooting Jack a look that said 'I don't need you' as he wriggled out of his hold. He carefully played with Natalie's hair for a moment before beginning to braid it. "You're like Rapunzel from Tangled," he grinned. "Flower gleam and glow. Let your power shine," he began to sing, wanting to make her laugh. He looked at Jack, "Is it working? Am I gettin' any younger?"

Natalie bit her lip and blushed as Jesse began to run his fingers through her hair gently, never once pulling too hard or hurting her. It had been a very long time since somebody other than Jack had given her this kind of friendly attention, giving her compliments, and it was really nice and she just let it happen. She laughed when Jesse began singing. "That makes you the evil witch stepmother," she replied, and Jack laughed and nudged Jesse's back with his foot. "Nope," he said back with a smirk.

Jesse pouted. "Hey, I'm a cool mom," he protested sadly. He nudged Jack's foot back before continuing to braid Natalie's hair. He looked over her shoulder to see Ruby and Pamela talking lightly whilst they drank glasses of wine, Sam looking a little bored by the conversation but trying to pay attention to be polite. "Don't worry, princess. I'm doin' you next," he assured, winking at Sam.

Natalie smiled and looked down at her hands as Jesse continued to braid her hair. She pulled the sleeves of her white shirt down over her wrists out of habit. Sam gave Jesse a horrified look, and Dean reached up to pat his brother's knee encouragingly. "Yeah, he never lets me do it but I don't think he can refuse you." Pamela and Ruby nodded, giving encouragement and cheering Sam on, and Sam sighed and shrugged in defeat.

"Atta boy," Jesse chuckled, finishing his work on Natalie. "There you go, hon," he smiled. "Keep them in tonight and undo them in the morning and you'll have wavy hair. Kid, you'll look stunning!" Jesse eyes up Sam and smirked, getting up to go over to Sam, nudging him in the arm chair to try and sit down too. "Oop, 'cuse me," he smirked, ending up in Sam's lap as he braided the man's hair. "Don't worry, sugar. We'll make you pretty again," he said shooting Ruby an apologetic look as a joke.

Natalie smiled timidly and thanked Jesse, pulling the braid over her shoulder and feeling the end of it. She snorted a laugh when Jesse plopped himself down right in Sam's lap, which caused Sam to groan in embarrassment and put his hands over his face as Jesse started to braid his hair. "Don't get to comfortable, Jesse," Ruby warned playfully, "That's my man you're sitting on." Everyone laughed at the sight, and Natalie moved to sit next to Jack again. He smiled at her softly. "You do look like a princess," he told her in a quiet voice.

Jesse pouted, stroking Sam's face. "But he's so comfortable," he pouted. "And has these big ol' arms and cutie pigtails," he grinned, finishing his work on Sam's hair. He could just about make braids but because the hair was so short it stuck up in different directions and Jesse couldn't stop laughing. Castiel rolled his eyes, taking another swig from the wine bottle. "Leave my brother alone, Jesse. He's beautiful the way he is."

"Oh my god," Sam muttered in disbelief, closing his eyes and grimacing as a guy he'd only met hours ago was now sitting in his lap and playing with his hair. "Why is this happening?" Dean laughed and drawled, "Oh, quit complainin', Sammy. You know you love it. And you're gonna look so pretty when he's done." Sam's face was red with embarrassment and Ruby playfully kicked Jesse. "Jesse, don't make me come over there and drag you away," Jack threatened with a little smirk.

Jesse laughed idiotically, having too much fun. "Sorry, Jay. I think I'd enjoy that too much," he smirked, wiggling his eyebrows at Jack. "Two strapping young men to fight over me. Well, it's every guys dream," he grinned, putting the finishing touches to Sam's hair before admiring his work. Castiel laughed, muttering in French, "You have no class." Jesse scoffed, looking over his shoulder at Castiel. "I ain't the one sprawled out across the floor with a bottle in my hand, honey," he retorted back in French, loving that even after college they could still speak French to each other like it was some secret language. Just them...and Dean.

Dean laughed and took the bottle from Cas and had a few more swallows of wine. Jack sighed and stood up, walking over to Jesse with purpose and wrapped his arms around his middle. He dragged Jesse up and off sam's lap and back to the couch. "Sorry," he apologized to Sam. "Alright, you've had your fun. Where did you even learn to braid hair anyway?" Dean laughed at Sam and clapped his hands. "Aw, Sammy! You look adorable."

When Jack came for Jesse, he made a show of things, swinging his arms and making grabby hands at Sam before he was being pulled away completely. He sat in Jack's lap on the couch and pouted. "My mom. I was Miss Canada for three years straight. Was taught how to smile for the crowd and wear my make-up so I didn't look like I was goin' drag. Took them a while to realize I was a boy because my mom taught me how to " Castiel gave Jesse a curious look. The trouble with Jesse was, he was always joking so it was hard to tell when his crazy stories were actually true or not.

Jack rose an eyebrow suspiciously at Jesse. "Really," he said flatly, "Miss Canada for three years straight? I feel like I would've known about that, Jes." He kissed his cheek and grinned, "But I bet you were a very pretty little girl. I'll be sure to tell your hex stage director that you love dressing in drag and playing female parts. Hey, you might even get to be Angel in Rent."

Jesse looked at Jack with a neutral face. "I'm serious, babe. My mom wanted a little girl and she got real upset when she found out the sex of her second kid. I didn't want to let her down so I did a bunch of stuff that she wanted to do if she had a girl like do horse riding and stuff," he shrugged. Castiel closed his eyes, leaning back against Dean. "Sleepy time," he murmured in his tipsy state.

Jack stared at Jesse in confusion, not sure if he was telling the truth or just making stuff up. Jesse was a good actor which also mean he was a good liar, making it hard to know when to take him seriously. He didn't have a chance to say anything before Jesse just leaned against him and closed his eyes, and Jack looked up and made eye contact with Cas, and he shrugged.

Castiel fell asleep against Dean quickly, too tired from the day to try and stay awake any longer but he was in Dean's arms so felt safe to just fall asleep like this. Ruby noticed and patted Sam's knee. "We should probably get to bed. We have to get up early to visit the exhibition opening for the natural history museum." Jesse just poked Jack lightly. "We should be going, sugar. I need my beauty sleep."

Dean sighed tiredly and rested his cheek against Castiel's shoulder, keeping his arms wrapped around Cas as he fell asleep. Sam nodded in agreement and stood up with a stretch, his back cracking with the movement. Dean watched as people started to get up, looking exhausted. Sam exchanged a look with Dean and chuckled at Castiel, who was already fast asleep. "Alright, Jesse. Let's get going, Nat." Jack stood and looked over at Dean. "We'll be here for another day or two, maybe we can hang out tomorrow." Pamela stood as well and stretched her arms behind her back, wincing a little at the aching muscles. "Mind if I catch a ride with you guys? I hear it's not safe for a pretty young thing like me to be riding the bus alone in the city this late. Especially after a few beers."

Jesse nodded. "I wouldn't have it any other way, sweet cheeks." Everyone left. Jesse drove Pamela home before taking himself, Jack and Natalie back to their apartment. Ruby and Sam went to bed. After a few glasses of wine, Ruby decided even if she the energy to try and make a baby there was probably no chance of it actually taking. So they just went to sleep, leaving Dean to look after Castiel and their babies.

Dean didn't have the heart to wake Cas up after the busy day he'd had, but he couldn't just leave Cas on the floor. So he carefully moved out from behind Cas and then scooped him up in his arms and shuffled into the bedroom. Luckily it wasn't enough to wake Cas up, so Dean carefully undressed his husband to make him more comfortable, and then he stripped down to his boxers and crawled under the covers with Cas. "Love you," he whispered gently, kissing Castiel's closed eyelids.

Castiel didn't wake up until the next morning, surrounded by his husband and kittens. He hummed tiredly, wriggling back to press his back against Dean's chest, seeking his warmth. He wasn't sure what time it was but he was certain he'd have to be at rehearsals soon. The thought of doing another full show tonight and this afternoon made him grumble. He slowly opened his eyes and peered over at the clock, seeing the time. Fuck. "I'm late," he mumbled falling out of bed as he scrambled around to find some clothes to wear. "Fuck!"

Dean frowned as he felt Cas moving around, and he groaned when Cas stumbled out of bed and starting throwing things around, but he was awake within seconds, and he quickly got out of bed and found Castiel's dance bag, and he grabbed a water bottle from the fridge into it along with a granola bar and a banana, handing it to Cas. "Go, you've still got time. Good luck, baby." Dean gave Castiel a quick kiss and then pushed him out into the hall towards the elevator.

Castiel made it on time, thankfully. He got yelled at by the director for making it just on time for when he was due on stage but Pamela vouched for him and said he hadn't been feeling well last night and must have overslept. He was grateful for her. She really saved his skin. Two more shows down and Castiel came home to an empty apartment, Dean was at work and the place felt eerily quiet without him around. Well..that was until he remembered Ruby and Sam were staying with them and found them curled up on the couch watching a late movie. "Hey, guys. You have a good day?"

Sam smiled at Cas when he came in after his second and third show. "Hey," Sam greeted, and Ruby peered around Sam and waved sleepily, tucking her hair behind her ear. "We spent a really long time at the natural history museum," Sam said, "It was fun. This city is awesome, there's so much to do here! How was the shows? As good as the first?"

Castiel slumped down into the armchair and sighed, taking off his shoes. "Exhausting. I've done rehearsals all day before but to do two whole fully dressed shows? It's insane. I feel sorry for Jesse. He has a lot more work to do than me. He must be so tired." Castiel sighed, leaning back in his chair and closed his eyes. He ended up falling asleep again, just too tired to do anything else.

Ruby was tired and falling asleep against Sam's shoulder, and he paused the movie after a few minutes when he realizes both Ruby and Cas were asleep. He checked his watch and sighed when he realized Dean wasn't supposed to be home until 3:00 in the morning. He carried Ruby to bed and tucked her in, and then went back to try and get Cas to bed as well. He awkwardly maneuvered Cas out of the chair and lifted him up to carry him to bed as well, not wanting to wake him up.

Castiel was half asleep and unaware of who was moving him. He thought it was Dean and tried to reach out for him, nuzzling at his chest. "Love you, Dean," he murmured sleepily as Sam settled him on the bed. He whimpered a little when Sam tried to move away, reaching out blindly for him.

Sam snorted in amusement and tried to stifle his laughter as Cas curled closer to him and then grabbed him when he started to step back to leave the room. He carefully pried Castiel's fingers off of him and then patted his chest lightly. "I'm Sam," he said quietly, "Go back to sleep. Dean will be home in a little while."

Castiel pouted and continued to try and reach out for Dean but he was moving away. "Baby," he mumbled sadly before curling up as sleep took him, Panda and Honey curled up on Dean's side of the bed. Panda had one eye open, watching Sam sleepily as he left the room.

Sam laughed softly and then went into his and Ruby's bedroom to find Ruby sprawled out in the middle of the bed, sound asleep. Her hair was spread out to the side and she looked so beautiful and peaceful. Sam leaned down and kissed her neck softly before lying down on the bed beside her.

This became a regular occurrence for Castiel. Even after Ruby and Sam had left to go back home. Castiel would work two shows a night before coming home to crash on the couch, waiting for Dean to come home. It was only Sundays that they got to see more of each other but even then Castiel was too tired to do much but Dean didn't seem to mind. This went on for six months then the show was over. Jesse and Jack were engaged. Ruby and Sam were secretly engaged and Dean and Castiel living their dream.

The next six months went by in a blur. Cas was busy with the show and Dean had been assigned extra hours a the bar, and they barely saw each other because of the way their schedules worked. But it didn't matter because the money in their bank account was increasing rapidly. Their apartment was still good enough, but Dean knew they could easily afford a real house now, if they wanted to. He hadn't spoken to Castiel about it much, but it was definitely a possibility.

After the last show, Pamela and Castiel were hanging out backstage after everyone else had already left. They were lounging on a couch in the back together, just relaxing.

"Good job out there tonight, Pam," Castiel said, closing his eyes and just taking a moment to breathe. "What do you think you'll do now?" he asked. He'd been offered a few roles in upcoming shows and he had a few auditions coming up but nothing as major as this show as of yet.

Pamela shrugged and leaned against Castiel's shoulder, closing her eyes. "I dunno," she sighed, "I kind of want a break from dancing, at least for a little while. But that means I have to find another job because money's pretty tight right now. I don't know. What about you?"

Castiel sighed. "I think me and Dean are gonna start looking at possible egg donors and surrogates and stuff." He laughed a little shaking his head. "I want a baby so bad but it seems weird to have a stranger carry it for nine month, you know?" He paused for a moment, playing with his hands. "It's gonna take a while. I hear the surrogates are just as fussy as the parents. Don't blame 'em but it does make this harder for us to find someone."

Pamela looked up at Castiel curiously. "You want to have kids, huh?" She murmured, thinking. After a long moment's hesitation, she said, "It doesn't have to be a stranger." Though what she was implying was downright terrifying to her, it made sense. She was a healthy young woman, single, and in need of money.

Castiel nodded, smiling a little. He never thought his life would be like this. He never thought he'd find someone who loved him enough to actually want to commit to raising a family. He could only look back on his former self, alone and scared and think. 'We did good, kid. We made it out of the dark.' He looked at Pamela with wide eyes. "You...you're not...really?" he stuttered, trying to work out if she was serious or not.

Pamela bit her lip nervously and nodded after a moment. "It makes sense, right? I mean, I'm young, single, don't want to actually be committed to raising children, and I could use the money. I don't know much about how the whole thing works but I can research it." Of course, Pamela would need some time to think it over before committing to having somebody else's baby growing inside of her body, but it was definitely possible.

Castiel swallowed thickly, looking down at her with teary eye. "It means so much to me that you'd even offer this, Pam," he said quietly, biting his lower lip. "I mean, you'd have to be 100% sure about it. We found this pamphlet about how it all works." He nodded a little. "I would be nice to have a friend do it," he said quietly. "I never really thought of that."

Pamela nodded and then ran a hand through her hair. "I'll consider it," she decided, "But I need to know more about it and what will happen to my body, you know?" She smiled fondly at Castiel and ruffled his hair gently. "You guys are my friends and if I can help you out, I will."

Castiel smiled giddily. "Thanks, Pam. This really means a lot to me." Castiel's phone went off, telling him Dean was outside waiting for them. "Dean's here," he told Pamela, standing up and picked up his dance bag. "Dean has tonight off, promised to take me out to celebrate finishing the show. You wanna come?" he offered with a wide smile.

Pamela smiled hesitantly and stood up as well. "Sure," she answered, "But... is it okay if we don't tell Dean yet? I don't want to get his hopes up in case it doesn't work out, you know? Can we tell him when I know for sure?"

Castiel found it a bit funny how many people's pregnancy secrets he was keeping these days. "Sure," he said with a nod. "Of course. I understand that." They headed outside and met Dean. Castiel kissed him, lacing their hands together. "Hey babe, Pam's gonna come drink with us tonight if that okay. Jesse went home with Jack earlier so I don't think they're coming."

Dean smiled when he saw Cas and Pam, and he kissed Cas before hugging Pam. "Yeah, I'm always happy to see this lovely lady," Dean smiled at Pam and tweaked one of the overly done curls on her head from the show, grinning as it bounced back into place like a spring. "How about we go somewhere we've never been before? I've practically been living at the Blue Moon and I'm starting to get sick of it," he joked.

Castiel nodded. "Jesse mentioned this great place the other day." He turned to Pamela, frowning. "What was it called again." Pamela hummed in thought before answering. "Bela's." Castiel snapped his fingers and nodded. "Bela's," he mirrored. "He said they do great cocktails and they're pretty cheap too. Not that he needs to worry about that." He took Pamela's hand and grinned, walking them in the right direction.

Pamela smiled softly and stood up, letting Cas lead her away. As soon as they were on the sidewalk, the cold early December air refreshing after being inside all day, Pamela let go of Castiel's hand and put her hand in the crook of his elbow, her other hand going into the pocket of her oversized hoodie. "You guys got any plans for the holidays?" She asked

Castiel shrugged. "We might go back to see Sam and Ruby." He shot a glance to Dean, unsure if that was what they were actually doing. "Oh, you know, just spending it up here. Couple eggnogs. A cheap turkey. Nothing fancy. How 'bout you, hon? You going back to see your family this year?"

Pamela nodded happily and smiled over at Dean, who was on Castiel's other side now and holding his hand. Dean was wearing a dark blue knit hat and a scarf that were probably Castiel's, and his cheeks were flushed red from the cold, eyes bright. His content happiness was contagious and Pamela found herself walking with a skip in her step beside them and enjoying the crisp air. "That sounds nice," she said, "I don't have any plans, I can't afford to fly back to LA for a week so I'm just staying here and enjoying the snow."

"Well if we're still in New York over the holidays we'll be sure to invite you to diner. I'm not havin' my best girl be on her own for Christmas," he grinned. They got to the bar and Castiel sighed at the welcoming heat. "Drinks?" he asked, looking between the two. "I'll get the first round. Babe, find us a booth would you?" he asked Dean with a smile.

Pamela kissed Castiel on the cheek as they walked into the bar, and she shook the little bit of snow off her hoodie. It was pleasantly warm and cozy in the little bar, and Pamela instantly liked it. Dean took off the scarf and draped it over Castiel's shoulder. "Alright, there's an empty one over there."

Castiel grinned at Dean and snuggled up to him, kissing his cheek. "Hey you," he said softly, wrapping an arm around Dean's waist. The bartender came over and Castiel ordered three mugs of mulled wine they seemed to be advertising. It was warm and alcoholic and that was enough for Castiel. He paid for the drinks and with Dean, took them over to the booth Pamela was sitting in.

Once they were all seated at the booth with their mugs of mulled wine, Pamela sighed contentedly and wrapped her cold hands around the mug, smiling at Castiel knowingly over her mug. Dean noticed and rose an eyebrow but didn't say anything, just sipping at his warm drink and humming happily.

Castiel returned the knowing look, leaning against Dean's shoulder with a sigh. "This is nice," he said happily, taking a sip of his wine. "Drinking warm wine with my best friend and husband on a snowy night in New York," he beamed. "I never thought my life would be like this," he said thoughtfully. "Never thought I'd pass high school but here I am with a perfect husband and a brillian best friend."

Dean chuckled a little and kissed the corner of Castiel's mouth. "What are you talking about, you were a little smarty pants in high school. I'm surprised I passed, dude." Pamela grinned and hi fived Dean. "Congrats," she said, raising her glass to him.

Castiel rose an eyebrow, "You know that's not what I mean." If his life had been any different. If he'd never have met Dean he would be dead. "Breaking News: A massive explosion occurred this afternoon in Iraq following a terrorist attack..." The TV blared out as the bartender turned up the volume, getting Castiel's attention. "...There have already been reports that at least fourteen American soldiers were killed in the incident."

Dean gazed at Cas seriously, his words ringing true. All three of them turned their attention to the news report, and Dean's heart thudded nervously in his chest as shaky footage of the explosion was displayed on the screen. Dean looked at Castiel, feeling useless and anxious. Gabriel was over there, and he could've been in the explosion. Dean reached for Castiel's hand and squeezed it tight, while Pamela watched the tv with a focused, concerned frown.

Castiel swallowed thickly, squeezing Dean's hand back. He hated Gabriel for what he'd done to him as kids but no one deserved to go out like that. Gabriel may still be a hypocritical asshole but he was serving their country. He was doing good and Castiel was worried he'd been caught in that explosion. He looked at Dean nervously, not really in the mood to be out celebrating anymore.

Dean bit his lip and held Castiel's hand a little tighter and stares back at him uncertainly, sensing the tension coming from Castiel. The news reporter carried on talking, saying that none of the soldiers had been identified but the body count was 14 and more possible casualties buried in the rubble. Gabriel might be a total dickbag but he was still Castiel's brother, and Dean could understand the conflicting emotions Cas must be experiencing. Pamela watched them in confusion, apparently not understanding how the tragic incident was affecting Castiel so personally. Dean caught her eye and squeezed Castiel's hand again before explaining briefly, "His brother Gabriel's over there."

Castiel dipped his head when Dean spoke and turned away from the TV. He shifted closer to Dean, curling in on his side. "Take me home, Dean," he whispered, voice threatening to break. He didn't look at his husband, just the scarf scrunched up on the side of the table next to their mugs. He squeezed Dean's hand weakly, feeling nauseous and uneasy about the whole situation.

Dean wrapped his arm around Cas tightly and nodded, while Pamela's eyes widened in concern and she began to stand up as the panic started to set in for all of them. "Sorry, Pam," Dean apologized as he stood up and wrapped the scarf around Castiel and then pulled him up to his feet. He tossed some cash in the table for the drinks and then began leading Cas to the door, Pamela following close behind. She didn't want to go home and leave them like this, but maybe they wanted privacy in this situation.

Once they were outside, Castiel shivered at the sharp cold air. There was a few cabs waiting on the side of the road seeing as there were a few bars down this street. He turned, looking for Pamela and hugged her tight. "I'll call you tomorrow," he said quietly, getting her into a cab before he and Dean walked home. Castiel needed the cold air. Helped numb his emotions and clear the air a little.

Pamela nodded in understanding and hugged Cas back tightly. "Call me as soon as you can, I'll be waiting by the phone," she promised before getting into the cab. Dean and Cas walked side by side back to the apartment, which was longer than Dean had thought it would be. Cas wasn't exactly dressed for the weather and after about fifteen minutes of walking Dean noticed him shivering. "Cas, maybe we should try to get a cab, we're not even halfway there." He said gently.

"No," Castiel said stubbornly, wanting to walk. He wanted to be cold. He wanted to feel numb, be punished, for all these conflicting emotions. If Gabriel really was dead. A part of him, deep inside was laughing. Laughing that he was free of another problem of his past. He felt guilty for being so sick and disrespectful. After all, Gabriel was still his brother and a fallen solider in what seemed to be a never ending battle.

Dean grabbed Castiel's arm and stopped walking, turning Cas around and stepping in his path so he couldn't move away. "Cas, look at me," Dean ordered, "We don't know anything yet, alright? Let's just get a cab, it's freezing out here."

Castiel almost bumped into Dean as he stood in front of him. He blinked, looking at the ground for a moment before gaining the courage to meet Dean's eyes. Just one look was all it took to cave. He hung his head and nodded a little in agreement, breathing shakily through his nose.

Dean pulled Cas close and held him, rubbing his back soothingly. It was starting to snow and Dean kissed Castiel's temple before backing away and stepping over to the curb to hail a cab. When it pulled over, they both got inside and Dean never let go of Castiel's hand. "Just try to relax," Dean soothed, "it's too early to know anything."

Castiel nodded a little, squeezing Dean's hand back and leant against him for the rest of the journey home. Once there, Castiel headed into the bathroom and drew a bath, going back to Dean and kissed him tenderly. "Join me," he said, not really asking if Dean wanted to or not. He took off his scarf and coat and hung them up before just stripping slowly in front of Dean.

Dean watched as Cas began taking his clothes off, a hauntingly blank expression on his face, one that Dean knew all too well. Dean hesitated a moment before nodding and taking off his jacket and clothes too, not saying anything. If Gabriel was killed or injured in the explosion, they'd get a phone call soon, most likely. All they could do was wait and if Cas wanted something to distract him, Dean would give it to him.

Castiel wondered back into the bathroom naked, turning off the taps once the water had filled the tub. Castiel carefully got into the bath, sighing as the warm water soothed his cold skin. He looked up at Dean with a soft expression, opening his legs in invitation for Dean to sit between them.

Dean smiled sadly and stepped into the tub, and he pushed Castiel's legs to one side and sat next to him in the tub, turned in his side and resting on one hip to face Castiel. Their legs tangled and Dean's hand rested lightly in Castiel's stomach. "Do you feel alright?" He asked gently, pressing a kiss to Castiel's jaw.

"I don't know," he answered simply, snaking one of his hands into Dean's hair. "It's a tricky subject," he commented, knowing Dean would understand. "I'll phone mom in the morning, see if she knows anything. They'd probably call her if..if something happened."

Dean hummed in response and kissed Castiel's throat. "We should watch the news, they'll probably release the names soon." Dean slid his hand up to rest over Castiel's heart and looked at him carefully. "Aren't they supposed to notify all blood family members?" He asked.

"They won't release the names until the families know," Castiel said, shaking his head slightly, his other hand rested over Dean's on his chest. "They'll contact his immediate family that he put down on this application so that'd be mom or father. It's up to them if they want to tell the rest of us. I doubt father will. I don't even know if he's still around. Mom will tell Michael who'll probably tell me."

Dean nodded slightly and looked up at Cas, unable to read his expression. He didn't know what Cas was thinking or how he was feeling, which worried him, but as long as Dean was here watching over him he was pretty confident Cas would be alright until they found out more. "What are you thinking?" Dean asked softly.

Castiel looked at Dean briefly before looking away. "That I'm a horrible person," he said quietly. "He's fighting for our country and all I can think about is how I feel almost relieved to think he might be dead. He was never as bad Lucifer. He deserves a second chance. Balthazar got one. He's proving himself by doing good for our country but I just..I don't feel any loss over it. I mean I do..but I don't. If that makes any sense," he said as he got out the bath, grabbing for a towel to dry himself with.

Dean watched as Cas stood up and he sighed slightly. "You're not a horrible person," he insisted, "Gabriel treated you like crap and never stood up for you, you don't owe him anything." Dean got out of the tub and wrapped a towel around his waist. "We just need to wait it out, Cas." Dean looked at him sadly and then gently cupped his face and looked into his husband's eyes.

Castiel sighed, leaning into Dean's touch and nodded a little. "You're right," he said softly, leaning up to kiss Dean gently. "I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you," he said quietly, dropping his towel. "You've been so kind to me recently," he said softly, pressing a kiss to Dean's shoulder. "Let me make you feel good," he said, rubbing hand over Dean's towel covered thigh.

Dean closed his eyes and shook his head, gently pushing Cas away. "I'm not the one who needs cheering up right now," Dean told him, "How about we go to the bedroom and I distract you," Dean smiled softy at Cas and placed his hands on Castiel's bare hips to turn him around in the direction of the bedroom.

Castiel sighed in annoyance. "Always the giver," Castiel said, rolling his eyes fondly. He went into the bedroom and took the cats of the bed, lying down above the sheets, spread out for Dean, watching him with soft eyes. "If you won't let me make you feel good. Will you at least let me paint on you? I have watercolours. It's supposed to be very intimate. A fun way to bond with your partner."

Dean looked at Cas with a tender smile, eyes roaming over his body with adoration. "That sounds really interesting," he said with a little smile, dropping his towel near the door and crawling up the bed to lie beside Cas. "You know I'm a little ticklish, though," he teased gently.

Castiel smiled, kissing Dean when he was close enough to reach. "I know. I'll stay away from your sensitive spots," he promised, kissing Dean again before moving off the bed to get his paints from under the bed. He went into the kitchen and poured a glass of water and set it on the nightstand before straddling Dean, his paints beside him and a paintbrush in hand. "Ready?" he asked quietly.

Dean put his hands behind his head as Cas straddled him. Both of their bodies were completely exposed and it was intimate in an almost spiritual way. With a soft smile on his face and a pleasant tingle in his scalp, Dean nodded. "Make me yours." He said, something he'd said many times before, but this time was different. Cas would be marking him in a new way, painting his emotions visually, and Dean's heart beat just a little faster.

Castiel nodded, leaning down to press a kiss over Dean's heart before he picked up his paints and brush and started to paint a light outline across Dean's chest. He painted Dean's spiritual animal, a wolf. "You're the Alpha and protector of our pack," Castiel started to think aloud. "Strong, loyal, majestic," he listed as he swept his brush against Dean's skin, colouring in the tail. "But kind hearted to those you love. That is you weakness and yet your biggest strength."

Dean watched the paintbrush curve over his skin, smooth lines coming from Castiel's confident hand. He was speechless as Cas began to voice his thoughts out loud, and it took his breath away just like it always did when Cas spoke like this. It was beautiful and intimate and Dean imagined himself painting Cas, returning the favor and highlighting all the beauty in him, both physical and personal.

Castiel finished his work and smiled softly, putting his brush and paints to the side and carefully blew against Dean's skin so the paint would dry. He looked around for his phone and took a photo of Dean's chest so Dean could see it from his perspective. "What do you think?" he asked, feeling so calm he was sure his voice had gotten breathier. "How do you feel, my love?"

Dean shivered slightly when he felt Castiel's warm breath ghost across his skin as the paint dried, and goosebumps rose the hair on his arms. He looked at the picture with awe, and then looked back at Cas with wide, loving eyes. "I feel like a masterpiece," he whispered, smiling up at Cas.

Castiel hummed happily, leaning down to kiss Dean tenderly before moving off the other man and slid down to rest his head on the mattress beside Dean's hip. His hand curled around one of Dean's thighs as he pressed his nose against the dip in Dean's waist. "That because you are truly a work of art, my love," he whispered, closing his eyes and inhaled Dean's scent.

Dean combed his fingers into Castiel's hair, gently massaging the back of his neck to help him stay relaxed. It felt like they were suspended in time while they waited for news about Gabriel. I felt like they were in a bubble, isolated from the rest of the world and had each other all to themselves. "You created me," Dean murmured, "Made me what I am today."

Castiel smiled against Dean's waist, pressing a kiss to the palm skin. His hand skimming up and down Dean's thigh slowly. "You saved me," Castiel added in a soft murmur.

Dean smiled down at Castiel and hummed in contentment when Cas kissed his hipbone gently. "God's paintbrush, huh?" He murmured with an amused smile. "I was told a different story. Each freckle is a kiss from an angel." Dean traced Castiel's lips meaningfully with his fingertips.

Castiel kissed Dean's fingertips before sucking them into his mouth a little. His lips curving into a smile around his husband's fingers. He took the fingers out of his mouth and sighed softly, looking up at Dean with bright eyes. "Oh yeah? And what cheeky angel has been kissing you down here," he smirked, pressing his fingertips to the skin between Dean's thigh and crotch.

Dean laughed softly when Cas sucked his fingers into his mouth, and he felt a swirl of heat rising in his belly. "Hmm, I wonder," he said sarcastically, squirming and whimpering a little when Cas teased him with his fingers. "You're the only angel I know."

Castiel chuckled pushing Dean's leg to the side so he could move to sit between them. "I got wings and everything," he said, smirking a little. He kissed inside Dean's thigh and hummed, "Your freckles are beautiful." He kissed the ones around Dean's hips and thighs before moving back up his body to kiss each one that he found.

Dean smiled and moaned softly as Cas kissed each freckle that he found, making Dean slowly become more and more aroused. This wasn't the way it was supposed to happen but if Cas needed the distraction he was willing to provide it.

Castiel moved to lie on his side beside Dean, smiling a little. "Are you turned on by this?" he asked, his smile widening. "Because I think you should touch yourself if it is. You're upsetting the angels that worked so hard to kiss that luscious skin of yours," he teased.

Dean laughed a little breathlessly at Cas and shrugged. "Yeah, a bit. You make me crazy, Cas." Dean bit his lip suggestively and smirked up at his husband, one hand sliding down his own chest to lazily stroke his hardening cock, his eyes never leaving Castiel's too. "Does this turn you on?" He breathed. Cas watching him do this always turned him on even more.

Castiel hummed, stroking his own cock lazily, half hard watching his husband jerk off. "Yes," he admitted "You look amazing." He bit his lip, circling his thumb over the head of his cock. "Go faster. Put on a show for me, baby," he teased, laughing a little.

Dean grinned and watched Castiel's hand, and another jolt of pleasure shot through all the way to Dean's toes. He spread his legs a little and picked up the pace of his own hand, sliding his other hand up and down his body while he writhed slowly, hips rolling. He moaned seductively and tipped his head back, looking at Cas through heavy lidded eyes, jaw slack and panting slightly.

Castiel laughed softly, breath hitching as a wave of arousal waved through his body. Dean still had a wolf on his chest, a little blurred from sweat and were Dean had run his hand down himself. Castiel closed his eyes, quickening his own pace to match Dean's.

The paint was coming off on Dean's hands and he felt bad for messing up Castiel's wolf, but they had pictures of it so it was okay. Dean moaned tightly as Cas closed his eyes and kept jerking himself off. "Fuck, that's hot, baby," Dean whimpered, "You look so good like this, so fucking sexy, Cas,"

Castiel breathed heavily, quickening his pace as he came into his hand with a long shuddery moan. "Fuck," he breathed, his eyes opened as he watched Dean with a fucked out expression. His hand still stroking lazily as he came down from his orgasm.

Dean's legs tensed and his toes curled as he came closer and closer to coming, and it hit him suddenly moments after Cas came, and he gasped and trembled through the orgasm, leaving his hand sticky. He breathed hard and collapsed back against the bed and smiled over at Cas contentedly. "That was interesting," he commented, "I don't think we've done that since you were in college and we had to have sex over Skype."

Castiel shrugged, too tired to get out of bed to clean them up. "It's nice," he said, closing his eyes. "Sometimes anal is too much work. This is just as good," he smiled, kissing Dean's shoulder. "Do you want to be a babe and get us a washcloth? I'm too tired to move," he complained, looking down at their sticky hands and stomaches.


End file.
